#like it's great that i don't wanna straight up kill myself this time but this is still miserable regardless of that

[definitelyjunehomestuck]

yknow it's great being substantially more prepared to operate in an academic space than the first time around, but college still makes me want to walk slowly into the ocean and never turn back

[gaoau]

i've been thinking a lot about Suo and i need it to stop, so i wanna analyse him a little bit and say things into the void. normally i like to psychoanalyse characters in fics but i've seen that side of the fandom and i do NOT wanna go there, so i'm saving myself by pulling the same thing i did with Nanao ig.

disclaimer: this isn't necessarily a theory about his backstory as much as it is what i personally wanna see happen. see, if i were writing him, i'd do very specific things that could go in various directions, but since i am not, unfortunately, writing him and he's not my character to fuck with, all i can do is yap. which, also, probably won't be very eloquent.

manga spoilers for literally the whole manga up to date btw.

i don't think we won't be getting a backstory on him, to be honest. with a character like him, yeah, the mystery is part of the charm, and having this much anticipation can suck ass if once the secret gets revealed, it doesn't stick the landing. but i doubt Nii Satoru doesn't have something planned for him. why would bro be leaving Suo's room illustration out of the fanbook if there wasn't something there to talk about? what is in his room to talk about? but that's not what this is about.

anyway i'm gonna be so fr Suo's built like a dog. he's clearly full of shit, and yknow, that's fine, good for him, but there are things that are so painfully obvious he's just straight up lying about. after his fight with Kanuma, which is deadass the first time we see him fight, he says he "doesn't usually get so emotional," which ?? shut the fuck up? that's not true.

i know a liar when i see one. we've seen him fight five times? six if i wanna be generous; in three of those he got crazy emotional (Kanuma, keel, and Endo), and just a tiny bit miffed with the gymnast guy idr his name fuck that freak. which, listen, to be fair, if someone touched a single hair on Nirei's head in front of me, real me too i'd kill a guy. but look me in the eye lil bro don't lie to me. real talk, though, he was more than ready to kill the keel dude, and was going to. he wanted to. he was shaking while Sakura held him back, don't play with me. he wasn't gonna stop just cause someone was interjecting.

bro was itching to kill, side-eyeing Sakura, spitting snark cause how's the hot-headed mf who jumps head-first into a brawl without a second thought staying more rational than him, the rational one? Sakura's talking to him the same way i talk to my dog after she tries to kill my cat. i'm ngl my dog has better self-restraint than this kid. he also just straight up xd's his way out of it? like "oh whoopsies! mb gang! i was just feeling silly goofy! 🤪" like he forgets he's not supposed to glare at people with murder in his eyes.

speaking of murder! this is where i want him to have killed someone before Bofurin. he's, like, 15? so there's not much time to work with, but the same way Kaji was going feral at idk 8 years old, i can see a world in which Suo actually went overboard when he was a younger kid. (i'm not saying this is what things are pointing at, but i want this to be the case. i would do this myself.)

he is emotional, i don't think that's up for debate. i understand why he gets so emotional and i do think it's very noble and cool and swag of him, that's a good person, somewhat, he cares about his friends and it pisses him off when they get hurt. i fuck with that. that's great, get him an ice cream (if he even eats fucking weirdo). but why are we acting like "i am chill ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ" when, clearly, that's not true?

here's where his teacher comes in. for how much grief i'm giving him, i don't think he's all lies at all. i don't think him liking Nirei and Sakura enough to not only speak highly of them, but also fuck a guy up for them, is a lie. i think he is as kind as Umemiya describes him to be, cause honestly, if Umemiya says someone is kind, then they probably are.

i don't think this is necessarily fake as much as i think it's borrowed. it's learned behaviour. it's teachings passed down to him by his teacher. it's discipline. it's not something that comes naturally to him, but it is something a person he respects and looks up to taught him, so he tries to live by it. he's very clearly been disciplined, probably got beaten into the ground by his teacher, got his ass handed to him again and again and again until he sharpened his reflexes and learned how to control himself in a fight.

he talks a lot about adulthood, talks a lot about maturing, talks a lot about self-control and whatnot. which, by the way, this is a child? lil bro you're fifteen go play on your switch idk. but i'd like to think this comes from someone telling him, "hey, what you did was not okay. you have a lot of strength and you're not an animal. use it wisely so you can one day grow into a proper adult." solely cause i want him to have killed someone. that's all i want.

i think it would make sense, really. how funny would it be if he was living similarly to Sakura? i've seen people headcanon him as a rich kid, but he lies a lot, and i wouldn't put it past him to be living in a sad, lonely one-room apartment. there's a billion ways things could be done with him. maybe his parents didn't care to try disciplining him, maybe he grew up with no parents at all. he has a short fuse, that's easy to tell, even if he acts like he's got everything under control. it's a very Suzuri type of situation, so maybe it's not the direction Nii Satoru is gonna take things, but one can dream.

as for the eyepatch, i haven't really thought much about it. the way i see things, he's gotta come from a neglectful background, so losing an eye would make sense. or maybe he did it himself, i'd love to see that (i would do that with a character like this if he was mine). if his eye is even missing at all, cause all things considered, it might be sort of just a way to give himself a handicap to remind himself not to go overboard.

which, circling back to the self-restraint thing, i like to think that's the reason he doesn't really use much excessive force. not to say he doesn't kick and punch, cause lil bro packs a mean punch, but he doesn't gravitate to hitting people. he's usually using his opponent's weight and momentum against them, which is why i was decently surprised when i saw him grab the keel dude and wind back to bash his face in. he's not violent, until he lets go of what little self-restraint he has, and then he is. it's values and principles that come from someone else telling him how to behave, except he still struggles to hold himself back.

to put it in simple terms, if he were my character, this is what i would do. i'd have him kill someone by going overboard as a kid, have him be taken in by this teacher, have him disciplined and clean his act up by beating his ass, and then have him parrot all these teachings at people he meets later. cause that's essentially what he's doing, he's just repeating things someone else told him. what does bro know about being an adult he doesn't even pay taxes go do your trig homework. but he tries, and you can tell he's trying, even if it doesn't come natural, he cares about his friends and he cares about becoming a better person, he's just a little too quick to snap.

you know what i mean? he cares about Nirei in particular, he loves Nirei, he tries to learn from Nirei. (guys i love Nirei i wont shut the fuck up). but fr, he's got that Nanao complex where he instigates things or sets things into motion and doesn't quite participate. he watches from the back, for better or for worse, but he doesn't necessarily involve himself in things. he keeps a distance. he feels like the other side to Sakura's coin sometimes, learning about people and how warm they actually are. he's all prim and proper and nonchalant, but he recognises he's no match for Sakura and maybe even Nirei. after all, it's always Nirei the one grabbing both of them by the arm and dragging them places.

he talks so big and maturely about not meddling too much with people who can't quite handle friendship yet, and then goes "!" when Nirei tells him "? fuck are you talking about? that's the more reason to teach Sakura about friendship." it's the look on his face after Nirei, despite Suo's long-winded and logical argument, goes to Kotoha and insists they help Sakura anyway. he's learning from Nirei too. also Nirei's crazy endearing so real me too but that's beside the point.

i don't think these parts of him are fake, but they might just be artificial. he's still integrating them into his own person and making them his, but he still slips here and there. he's not quite there yet. i hope he killed someone when he was 8yo. that's all thank you for reading thumbsup

[idalynsskyrimdiaries]

Talking about Taliesin ✨️🗡

Now I haven't fully played out the new update for our favorite charming mer, I'm getting there (new PC has not arrived yet)! I just wanted to ramble a bit about him hehe

I love him! His voice is stellar, and he's very funny! Definitely enjoyed spamming clips of him to my equally as ecstatic (and thirsty) closest friend. Now, that being said...

Me and my friend are completely polarized in our approach to Taliesin. While they want to just shove a wedding ring on his finger, I just wanna fight him 😭

And then shove a wedding ring on his finger! 😃

Here are examples as to why I should have DB characters NOT based on myself:

[Keep in mind I do not have the direct quotes memorized. Bear with me 🙇‍♀️]

__________________

*First encounter near the Falkreath Talos shrine*

"Listen here, you little worm, I survived the Great War! I can survive a simple knife wound. I hope."

Me: *looking around* Oh, he's talking to you, right? *looks over at dead body* He's talking to you like that, right? Because I can't find the person who he just called a 'little worm' while he's bleeding out... Oh, he's talking to me? Really? Ah, I see. Time to finish the job. *pulls out mallet*

__________________

*After Taliesin rambles on about Haskill*

"I've said too much. I'll have to kill you now."

Me: *slowly looks over at the river nearby* The water over there looks so nice! Maybe we can take a dip for a little while! Oh, you can't swim? Ah, I see, I see. Nice to know. Nice to know...

__________________

*Made the mistake of asking him to rest in a freshly purchased Tundra Homestead*

"Is THIS where you live? When was the last time you cleaned this place?!"

Me: I LITERALLY JUST BOUGHT THIS HOUSE. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!? We didn't even breathe in the air of this place yet, and you're saying it's dirty! If it's that bad, then be a good housewife and sweep the floor!

__________________

*Within foggy areas*

"Don't run too far ahead, I'd hate to lose you in this fog."

Me: *runs faster out of spite* I saw a bear!

__________________

*When Taliesin ran straight into my character without stopping during a crypt exploration*

"You're in MY personal space!"

Me: ... Listen here, Jaundiced Loki. What you are NOT going to do is gaslight me! You ran straight into me like a horse, and you're not small, so that H U R T! Stop shoving yourself into me! My back can take so much stress..! *realized how the last part sounded* Wait, no, not like that-

__________________

*Near the hot springs in Eastmarch*

"Can we please stop by the hot springs? My body aches from carrying your burdens."

Me: *has only given him a few potions to carry* ... You know what, yeah! You can take a nice little break, even take a nap! I'll definitely be by your side when you wake up! I am totally not going to be in Solitude drinking with cute mer who don't drive me insane!

__________________

I swear I love him, I truly do, I just want to fight him one good time to get it out of my system. I don't care if I get my ass handed to me. Just let me climb him like a tree so I can yell "TIMBER!" when he falls down

May make another post like this because there are more moments like this 🤣

[floralembarrassment]

See here's the thing... everyone is too kind and now I'm invested in how this turn out. Hang on friends:

Problems... (3/4)

James was sitting in his room waiting up for Regulus to sneak in after everyone went to bed to have their nightly not-so-secret whispers in the dark.

When the door open he looked up with a great big smile, that faltered only slightly when he realized that it was Sirius.

"Oh what? You aren't happy to see me?" Sirius said, already storming in a bit more dramatic then normal.

"Of course I'm happy to see you, I just thought-" James started then stopped. Sirius knew about him and Regulus, honestly had been their biggest fan for the most part, but it was an unspoken agreement that James didn't talk about Regulus his boyfriend to Sirius.

"Oh I know what you thought," Sirius started wagging a finger at James. James wasn't sure what was happening be he certainly wasn't prepared for how threatening his best friend was being. He had seen Sirius act this way before but not towards him.

"You thought my little brother, my little brother James, was going to come in here so you could defile him!" Sirius challenged.

"Defile- Sirius what is this all about?" James stuttered. He was usually pretty good at de-escalating Sirius, only third of course behind Remus and Effie, but right now he seemed to be the source of the issue and James did not know what to do with that.

"Don't you play dumb with me Potter. Reggie told me that you two are- that you have been... well he told me what you get up too when the lights are off!" Sirius stuttered around his words not really wanting to say what was between the lines.

James on the other hand had to hold in a laugh. "Did Regulus tell you we've slept together?" Is what James offers as a response.

Sirius went straight into over-protection mode. He nearly jumped at James and grabbed a fistful of his shirt. "Do you think this is funny? I swear on Moony's life Potter if you so much as make him scowl I'll end you. And I swear to all that is holy if you fuck up his life with a kid right now I'll kill you. With my bare hands."

Sirius was breathing so quick and heavy, and James was actually completely terrified for his safety and well-being. He was frozen in shock and when he didn't respond, Siris shook him; "do I make myself clear?" He said.

James frantically nodded, "yes Sirius of course. We are always safe I swear. I love Regulus you know that! I wouldn't do anything to hurt him. You were very very clear." James rushed to say.

Sirius narrowed his eyes and looked at him for a long moment. Then after deciding James' answer was genuine, he let him go.

James watched as Sirius turned to walk out his room, and James dared not move a muscle. But then, just a few steps before the door, Sirius turned around. James braced himself.

"Any plans tomorrow? We should see if that movie is still at the cinema. Wanna go?" Sirius said light hearted, like the previous conversation had never even happened.

James blinked a few times rapidly, "uh yeah Sirius anything- um anything you want."

Then Sirius smiled, said Goodnight and walked out of James' room leaving him afraid and stunned, mostly confused and definitely prepared to be an even better boyfriend than he already was trying to be.

[mxaether]

MITCH MARNER -VS- TORONTO MEDIA/TORONTO FANS/HIMSELF/EVERYONE (a playlist for when you love a thing so much, and it bites you)

track list and selected lyrics for each under the cut ❤️

1. I Want You So Bad I Can't Breathe - OK GO i want you, yeah, i want you/ i want you, yeah, i want you bad/ so bad i can't think straight/ so bad all my bones shake / so bad i can't breathe 2. Careful What You Wish For (the doctor said to) - Jack Harris something is missing/this predisposition/i feel like i'm living inside of my head 3. Who Made You A Monster? - Hael tricking the world to trust you/but everything that you say/is some kind of sordid lie/who taught you how to lie so well? 4. GOSSIP - Maneskin, Tom Morello welcome to the city of lies/where everything's got a price/gonna be your favourite place -- so sip the gossip, drink till you choke/sip the gossip, burn down your throat 5. Don't Be Nice - Watsky false modesty is a guilty habit/some people simply have it/but the fact is i would not have spent a decade doing this/if i did not believe i was at least a tiny bit ridiculously filthy at it 6. JEKYLL & HIDE - Bishop Briggs sweet and then you're sour/changes by the hour/never know which one i'll taste 7. End of It - Friday Pilots Club it's cruel you know/the way they've been treating you lately/get you real messed up on the daily 8. Nowhere Kid - Des Rocs inside of a maze you hide away/where nobody cares who you are/caught in a lie you can't escape 9. All For Us - Labrinth, Zendaya guess you figured my two times two/always equates to one/dreamers are selfish -- i'm taking it all for us, all/doing it all for love 10. Cruel Devotion - Night Club do you want me? tell me true/on my knees and now i'm begging you/loving you is such a cruel devotion 11. Who Are You, Really? - Mikky Ekko i have nothing left to prove/cause i have nothing left to lose/see me bare my teeth for you/who, who are you? 12. Heartbreak Feels So Good - Fall Out Boy is there a word for a bad miracle?/nobody said the road was endless/nobody said the climb was friendless 13. Some People - Dan Mangan cause it's too easy to be righteous when you eat what you've been fed/some people don't question what they've read/some people should 14. SELF-SABOTAGE - Waterparks i'll self sabotage/if you like when we talk i'll dislocate my jaw/what the fuck is wrong with me 15. Matches - Huxlxy bring me the ashes/set me alight/i'd rather burn than say goodbye 16. SICK - Chandler Leighton never let anyone see your guard down/too proud, just stop, keep my frozen/iced out, i'm six feet underground 17. Black Wave - K. Flay shaking in my own cage/what do i believe? i believe/waiting on a black wave/living under bad days 18. Middle Finger - Bohnes you show me love and then spit in my face/making your money off all of my pain 19. still feel. - half-alive when i'm furthest from myself/feeling closer to the stars/i've been invaded by the dark/trying to recognize myself when i feel i've been replaced 20. Rather Die - Barns Courtney i came to kill 'em, now i'm/wipin' the spit from my eyes/i take a beating but i/i'll never give up 21. Lake Effect Kid - Fall Out Boy oh i've got the skyline in my veins, forget your night time/sumer love on a gurney with a squeaky wheel/and joke us, joke us til Lakeshore Drive comes back into focus/i just wanna come back to life 22. Stronger - Kanye West n-now-now that, that don't kill me/can only make my stronger -- do anybody make real shit anymore?/bow in the presence of greatness/cause right now thou hast forsaken us 23. Bulletproof - La Roux, GAMPER & DADONI i won't let you turn around/and tell me now i'm much too proud/all you do is fill me up with doubt/this time, baby, i'll be bulletproof 24. What Do You Want - Nico Vega you can go ahead and hate me/for bringing in news, but you could still choose/ain't going to be a party/but you turn it all down, down, down/say, what do you want?/what do you want from me? 25. I'm Gonna Win - Rob Cantor you've seen me before, you'll see me again 26. Hero - Martin Harrix, JVKE

a thousand voices whisper noise/they plan my fall from grace/whoa-oh, i know/you say you want a hero, you don’t

[takemebacktowheniwassane]

Falsettos Incorrect Quotes! (p.1)

[Also, deeply sorry about coming back with another random musical hyperfixation. I'll try to get motivated to finish up the DEH series!] - Whizzer: Can you come out? Marvin: Yeah, just one second. Marvin: Whiz, I'm gay. Whizzer: I know that. Come out to the car. Marvin: Okay. Marvin: Car, I'm gay. - Whizzer: We're playing Scrabble. It's a nightmare. Jason: Scrabble? Scrabble's great. Whizzer: Not when you're playing with Marvin, it's not. He puts down words like "ephemeral" and I put down "dog." - Mendel: Bonjour, Trina. Voules-vous coucher avec moi? Trina, unfazed: No, I do not want to sleep with you. Mendel: Oh, man, is that what that means? I had a really gross tennis instructor. - Whizzer: Don't worry, I have a permit. Charlotte: ..This just says "I can do what I want." - Marvin: Trina, do it for our friendship- you can't put a price on that! Trina: Yes, I can, dear. Fifty dollars. - Jason: I've never once smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once at a party. It was intense. It was kind of indescribable. I felt like I was floating. Turns out, there was no pot in the brownie... it was just an insanely good brownie. - Marvin: Can you name a single city in Oklahoma? Whizzer: Oklahoma City, bitch! - Marvin: Being gay is a constant struggle between "I wish to sit on a window bench with my lover, our legs entangled as we listen to the birds", and "Hey, let's go throw rocks at fascists" and I think that's very sexy of us. Whizzer: If the window's open and you time it correctly, you can do both. - Mendel: Okay, is anyone in this room actually straight? Marvin: *Raises his hand* Whizzer: *Puts Marvin's hand down* - Cordelia: You know what I've realized? Marvin: Some thoughts are better left unsaid? Cordelia: Nice try, anyways- - Jason: I think mostly I wanna see what happens when this whole place breaks apart. - Marvin: The next time I open up to somebody, it'll be my autopsy. - Trina: Jase... Jason: I can tell by the tone of your voice that I've disappointed you. Alas, I must further disappoint you by affirming that I do not give a fuck. - Whizzer: New year, same me. Cuz' Im perfect. - Mendel, excited: Heyy! Trina: Hey, someone's excited. Marvin, deadpan: Yeah, and it's making me sick. - Mendel: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I strong or weak? Trina: Strong! Whizzer: Weak. Marvin: An idiot. That's what you are. - Cordelia: Are you alright? Charlotte: Short answer, or long answer? Cordelia: Short? Charlotte: No. Cordelia: Long? Charlotte: Noooooo. - Cordelia: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated! Marvin: Killed without hesitation. - Whizzer: I'm hot, I'm tall, I'm gay, and I'm in my theater kid arc. - Charlotte: Seriously, all you do is bitch. Marvin: I happen to bitch the perfect amount for someone in my situation. - Trina: Unfortunately, due to several experiences in my youth, I cannot just 'walk up and join a circle of people talking', but it does sound lovely, thank you. - Trina, answering the phone: Hello? Jason: It's Jason. Trina: What did he do this time? Jason: No, it's me, Jason. It's actually me. Trina: What did you do this time? - Marvin: I saw Whizzer for the first time in years.. Jason: And? Marvin: I told him I was an Olympic gymnast. Jason: What? Why?? Marvin: You know when you get nervous, and you end up lying to impress? Jason: ..No. Marvin: Exactly, we've all done it. - Cordelia: My knee just cracked so loudly that I half-expected it to glow in the dark tonight- - Marvin: You know, when I first met you, I thought you were a real bitch. Whizzer: What changed your mind? Marvin: Oh, I still think your a bitch, I've just grown to like that about you. - Marvin: Would I rather be feared, or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to fear how much they love me.

[cute-bag-of-bones]

Can't Trust A Supe

Part 3: I'm Scared

Masterlist

Warnings: slight gore and mentions of death.

       Homelander's hands were behind his back as he just stared at me for an agonizing amount of time. His expression was unreadable. I wish I could muster the courage to just kill him. I should be better than this. Scared of such a pathetic man. My dad would be ashamed if he could see this. 

      "Can I h-help you?" I tried to sound confident but the stutter ruined any hope of that. He looked surprised like he just remembered something. 

       "Right I was thinking about it and you have hung on to that old dirty toy for so long. I figured you'd want a new one." He pulled a new Homelander plush from behind his back. He seemed so excited like a dog showing off a dead bunny to its owner. He handed it to me. It took all I had in me to keep my hand from shaking as I grabbed it. 

       "Wow um t-thank you."

       "You haven't seen the best part. Give it a squeeze." I looked down at the toy and pressed its belly. 

        -I'm Homelander, ready to fight some crime together?-  The real Homelander mouthed along with the doll as it spoke. He seemed very proud of the gift. "This little guy has 10 unique phrases. Pretty great right? Way cooler than your other one." 

      "Well I just l-" I had to pause to take a deep breath. "I just love it, thank you." I say plastering the most convincing fake smile I could manage. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. I wanted to light this creepy thing on fire and throw it in the Hudson River. Why was he giving this to me? What's his game? I heard him begin to speak but he's interrupted by a father and son wanting an autograph. I take my opportunity and get up. More people gathered giving me the perfect out. I ran off, down a busy street. I was over a block away before I stopped running. The beady-eyed plush stared at me as I tried to catch my breath. Grabbing it by both arms I pull as hard as I can. I hear stitches pop as it's back tears. 

      -Hey friend wanna pl- the voice box fell on the ground and I stomped  it until finally it stopped making noise. I finish the job by ripping the toy in half and discarding it in the nearest dumpster. I had the major creeps. I knew there was only one safe place I could go.

      When I knocked on the hideout door no one answered. I continued to bang getting almost frantic. I felt like Homelander was breathing down my neck. Finally Hughie opened the large door. I shoved my way past his lanky body and straight to Billy's normal spot. He wasn't there. Hughie followed me on my mission for Billy

           "You looking for Butcher?" He asked figuring out what I wanted. I was so wrapped up in looking for Billy I had almost fully toned him out. I knew I looked crazy but I was scared and Billy was the only one I knew would be able to help me. I'm not sure how but I knew he would. I turn around and bump into a worried Hughie. He always walked so close behind people. 

       "Yes yes where is he? I need him." 

       "He's not here. Him and the others went to get something. M.M. said they would be a day's drive away. Why what's wrong? Why are you sweating so much?" He asked as he tried to wrangle me. 

        "Fuck! Fuck!" 

        "Stop it, come on, calm down. What's going on? Can I help?" He was so earnest. I finally sat down and looked up at him. He gave me a sweet smile and sat down with me. 

         "I'm scared." It felt wrong to say. The words themselves felt dirty and shameful. He gave me a confused look.

       "They are gonna be okay, it's an easy run."

       "Not scared for them. I'm scared for myself. It's Homelander." Hughie's expression changed, it became more serious. "He stopped me from getting mugged last night and he saw this." I say as I pull the old plush from my bag. 

       "Is that a Homelander plushie?"

       "My mom gave it to me. He saw it and maybe he recognized it. I don't know but he found me in the park and gave me a new one." I was speaking so fast I almost couldn't understand myself. Hughie seemed to get it all. He was nodding along. 

        "Why would you keep that thing? He killed your family." Hughie asked, looking at the toy like it might come to life and strangle him. It was a valid question I guess. I wasn't sure myself. It was just when I looked at it I didn't see him. I saw my mom.

        "That's not the point! Focus. I think he knows who I am. I look like my mom but I didn't think it was so obvious. That must be it. He's messing with me. He's gonna kill me." Tears started to fall down my cheeks, a warm reminder how much of a pathetic coward I was. 

      "But the other day, you said you didn't care if he killed you. You were fine going out in a blaze of glory, what happened?" 

        "I was wrong, it's different! It's all different when he's in front of you. I don't wanna die Hughie." He pulled me into a tight hug. "I don't wanna die Hughie!" I cried louder as he softly shushed me. 

        "You're not going to die. No one's going to hurt you." I knew logically there was nothing Hughie could do to help but somehow just hearing someone tell me it would be alright helped. I didn't get a lot of stuff like this once my parents died. "We can call Butcher and see what he thinks. Would that help?" He pulled away from the hug to look down at me. I took the opportunity to pull away myself.

       "Um yeah yeah maybe."

       "Okay I'll try and get a hold of someone and see if he can give you some advice or something." I nodded and he pulled out his phone and started to pace around the room. 

        The helplessness and fear I felt was indescribable. Sat here hiding, I couldn't get the thought out of my head. 

        "No one's answering." He sounded frustrated. I knew it was because he knew there was nothing he could do to make this stop. He was feeling helpless as well. I could see it in his eyes when he looked at me. 

       "Don't worry about it. Nothing he could do from there anyway. Just sit down, you'll put a hole in the floor pacing like that." And just like that the mask was back on. I dried my tears with the back of my hand. He came over quickly and sat back down. 

      "Maybe you and I cou-"

      "No, whatever your plan is, it's a no. I'm just going to have to see if he comes. That's all I can do. There is no preparation, no shelter in place, no getting reinforcements. I'm just going to have to wait and see. Who knows I could be reading too far into this. I could be overreacting." I stood up and packed my bag back up. He frowned at me.

       "Just go lay down in the back, I'm going to keep trying their cells." He said as he pressed the phone back to his ear. 

        "Nah it's getting dark enough. The shelter will let me back in. If I'm in a crowded all girl shelter there isn't much he can do to me. His reputation is more important than revenge." Hughie couldn't argue with the reasoning. After some reassurance he let me leave. 

        The walk to the shelter was a painful experience. Every shadow over head was him. Every voice was his. Every face I saw was his. I resorted to using my abilities just so I didn't have to see faces. It's true what they say we are all the same on the inside. I had to pull myself together. I wasn't going to let him rip my life apart again. 

        Muscular system after muscular system passed me as I walked. There was something calming about it, seeing people as nothing more than the parts that make us up gives you an odd perspective. It makes you feel small, insignificant in the best kind of way. 7.9 billion bags of flesh holding muscles, blood and bones, all walking around at once. All looking nearly indistinguishable from one another. Small, insignificant, unnoticeable that's all I want to be right now. 

         Things were normal at the shelter. Girls arguing with supervisors, others sleeping and some crying. I crawled up on my bunk and took out my Homelander plush before laying down with it like I did every night but tonight I was thankful it didn't have a voice box. I drifted to sleep plagued with nightmares of his eyes. 

      Sometime later I heard breathing close by and at first assumed it was my bunkmate. Warm air brushed against my face. They were much closer than they should be. I open my eyes and realize I'm faced to face with the expressionless face of Homelander. I let out a yelp and moved my head away. He looked so calm. I still had to be asleep. This has to be another nightmare. I didn't dare speak. He gave me a soft smile.

        "Sorry I had to wake you, could you come outside with me?" He asked so kindly, it made me feel sick. I shook my head no still not finding my voice. The more awake I became the more I realized this was actually happening. I was as good as dead if I left this crowded room of sleeping girls. "Please? I think Liz would want you to come with me. Right Lizzy?" He said as he motioned for me to look down at my bunkmate. I looked between the space between my bed and wall and saw Liz sleeping soundly with a red gloved hand around her throat. He wasn't choking her yet but I had no doubt that's where this would go if I didn't come along. 

       "Okay okay." I say as softly and calmly as I could not wanting to give him any reason. Liz was a mother, she had never hurt anyone in her life. I couldn't let her die for nothing like this. It was now or never. I needed to get him out of this building and take my shot hopefully before he can kill me. I slowly climb the ladder down. My plush still in my hand. At the moment I didn't even realize I still had it. I was just trying to go as fast as I could without shaking the bed. As soon as my feet touched the ground he put his hand on my back to guide me outside to my certain death. 

       Adrenaline pumped through my veins as we walked. All of a sudden I could see bodies through the walls. Every single one of them in this building glowed to me like a fleshy X-rays. It was so disorienting I stumbled over the threshold of the door leading to the outside. I felt like I was going to float away if not for the firm hand on my back. I turned to face him. He too was just as see through as the others. How humanizing, staring up at his skinless face he looked just like all the others. 

      He was speaking to me. I could see his eyebrows furrow like he was mad or confused. I couldn't hear him through all I could hear was my own heartbeat. This was it, all in one shot I tried to pull his spine from his back. He hunched his shoulders a little and I definitely saw the bones move but for the most part his spine didn't budge. Panicking, I tried to rip his brain stem but it was like it was too tough to tear. Supe's are stronger than humans on average but I figured he'd be like translucent, hard on the outside but soft and squishy on the inside. I couldn't be more wrong. His hand grabbed my throat and pulled me close. I dropped the toy and tried to claw at his arm desperately. My nails bend when I rake them over his arm. I was sure a few were pulled off my fingers all together.

        "What are you doing?" He growled. I wasn't sure if he meant too but he was holding me too tight. My ability's vision started to fade and I saw him clear as day. His eyes were glowing red. I wanted to cry but I didn't want that to be my last act on this earth. "Are you going to behave?" He said as his eyes stopped glowing. I wasn't sure what he meant. I couldn't understand why I wasn't dead yet. I tried to gulp but his hand was so tight it stopped me from swallowing. "Well, are you?" He actually wanted me to answer? I tried to nod the best I could and his grip loosened. I took a deep breath and tried to pull away from him.

         "No, I don't think so." He says with almost an air of humor like he thought it was so funny I was trying to get free from his grasp. He put an arm around my back and lifted us into the sky. I continued to try and free myself much to his amusement. One second ago he was trying to kill me and the next he was laughing. He's crazier than I thought. We flew up so high I started to feel cold. The lights below blurred. The air was so thin up here but he seemed to be breathing fine. He looked down at me as I struggled for air. He has a slight smirk on his face as my actual vision starts to fade now. 

        "Shush, it's alright." He cooed over me. I fought it as long as I could. I didn't want his voice to be the last thing I heard. I tried to scream but nothing came out. Just like that all my air was gone and I was done for.

        I thought I had died. I had accepted it. I wasn't sure how much time had passed but my head was killing me. Wherever I was it was dark. Too dark to see. What if I did die? Could this be the afterlife? Just darkness. Maybe it was hell.

       "Mom, mommy?" I call out in a horst voice. I wait for a second and don't hear anything. There was a creaking sound and a door opened filling the room with light and blinding me. A caped figure stood in the doorway. 

         "Nope I'm not your mommy." He sounded almost soft and mocking all at once. It was worse than hell I was with Homelander. 

[rpstartersinc]

* 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐑𝐔𝐍.

feel free to change pronouns / wording!

“ don't be merciful, don't come back like snow white and the huntsman. ”

“ i've never been to a funeral, i wouldn't have come to this one if i'd known there'd be a dead person. ”

“ i know how emotional occasions like this can be. ”

“ i think we'll manage. ”

“ as soon as he clicks his fingers, you come running. ”

“ is this actually your car? ”

“ i don't make the rules. ”

“ what do you remember? ”

“ i really thought she was my soulmate. ”

“ he might've tied her up and now he's using us as bait. ”

“ we're hansel and fucking gretel. ”

“ i told you not to come in here. ”

“ i've been lied to all my life. ”

“ a jellyfish has no heart and no brain, yet it lives. what could be scarier than that? ”

“ i told you, you can't smoke it straight from the plants! ”

“ women seem to keep drifting away from me. ”

“ you look very cold. ”

“ driving slow in this kind of car is more suspicious. ”

“ who is sitting next to me right now? who, fucking... pablo escobar? ”

“ if you're going to do something ridiculous, i don't want to miss it. ”

“ you saw the blood on the laptop, right? ”

“ why do i have to wait in the car? ”

“ two types of people wear sunglasses in the dark, blind musicians, and cunts. ”

“ not who you were expecting? ”

“ if that sequence of events does not transpire exactly as described, i will murder you, slowly. ”

“ this is your fault. ”

“ if we stay here, we're fucked. ”

“ i can't leave him there, looks like... i killed him. ”

“ don't be sorry, just be helpful. ”

“ why did they do that? why did they shoot him? ”

“ i don't let personal matters get in the way of business. ”

“ did i say to stop? ”

“ can you just... can you stop disappointing me? ”

“ don't shoot anyone until i tell you to. ”

“ i just like it. what's that called? when you can't stop picturing bullets ripping through human flesh. ”

“ i don't wanna kill anyone. ”

“ none of that's secret, it's private. ”

“ what tracker? there's no tracker, this isn't james bond! ”

“ i'm keeping us alive. ”

“ you are the reason that we are running for our lives right now! ”

“ excuse me for taking an opportunity when i saw one. ”

“ no one's ever given me shit. ”

“ we're supposed to be keeping a low profile! ”

“ i used to have a terrible appetite for destruction on me. ”

“ do you think we're safe? ”

“ a great artist knows when to stop. ”

“ i should have known it was you. ”

“ you love a grand entrance. ”

“ your body count shouldn't define you. ”

“ can we just stop talking about death? ”

“ how is love going to make you strong? ”

“ i just fucking killed someone! ”

“ i hear nothing but empty words from everyone. please, i need you to say something real. ”

“ people have died. it just needs to stop, doesn't it? ”

“ breaking and entering is a crime, you know. ”

“ i know you're withholding information. ”

“ i bet they're fucking terrified of you. ”

“ there's no one who will help you out there. ”

“ people respect me, they listen to me. ”

“ you're ruthless, i like that. ”

“ what do you do on a day like this? ”

“ i don't think i can handle prison. ”

“ you shot my fucking phone! ”

“ you don't shoot friends! ”

“ you better not have broken my nose. ”

“ will you shut the fuck up! i'm trying to hear a bird. ”

“ i have a code. ”

“ bit of fun, never mind the consequences to yourself or anybody else. ”

“ you're gonna lecture me? you murder people for money! ”

“ i put up barriers between myself and the world, and there is, there's an isolation. ”

“ for the first time in my life, i'm making an actual choice. ”

“ i am not your friend. ”

“ could i come with you? ”

“ that wasn't part of the arrangement. ”

“ you have no idea what i'm capable of. ”

“ you shouldn't mess with friendship. ”

“ everywhere the awe-inspiring landscapes, i like to be the one inspiring awe. ”

“ you can be driven to do extraordinary things, things you didn't even know were inside of you, that no one understands.. ”

“ some of the things i've done... it's like i'm infected. ”

“ you can act tough all you want... ”

“ there's no reason for violence. ”

“ you're just making it worse. ”

“ i'm sorry i disappointed you, but you disappointed me too. ”

“ i'm sick of pretending i'm something i'm not. ”

“ get away from me, get back! ”

“ you tried to fucking kill me! ”

“ you said you wanted us to get to know each other. ”

“ it's me, i'm getting you out of here. ”

“ that's my fucking sore leg! ”

“ because i said to, now do it and shut up. ”

“ people like me don't get to be in that world. ”

“ my body, my do-whatever-the-fuck-i-feel-like. ”

“ friends for life? fucking bollocks. ”

“ you think i would join you? ”

“ do not sit there waiting for him to find you! ”

“ people get hallucinations, there's like treatment for that shit. ”

“ people see death, they all have the same thought. don't be next, be the survivor. ”

“ you don't just get something because you say you want it. ”

“ be someone people want to be around. ”

“ why is there dead bodies everywhere? ”

“ you came back. ”

“ we look out for each other, that's the rule. ”

[ironicsoap]

I wanna be able to make custom avatars for Vrchat of some of my more uncommon species characters but tutorials for how to use blender absolutely kill me (I do better learning if it's written down with some pictures, or entirely hands on with someone guiding me in person) how did you learn to make your own models? Do you have any recommendations for instructions or any YouTube videos that might be easier to grasp and follow along to? I really love your work and I'm actually saving up for one of your bases for my kitties <3 my only experience with avatars right now is texturing, and even that is subpar unfortunately.

Written down resources for beginners on how to use blender are scarce, because it's such a big program with so many things, and you really need visuals to know where things are when you're learning (Very possible with written guides, but very tedious to put in Enough pictures to show everything) Every time I've used a written Blender guide, it was for some really high level niche thing I needed haha I learned how to make my own models by figuring out projects I wanted to do, then googling/youtubing every step/aspect on how to do them, and repeating! After the first low poly model I made though I just kinda went straight into attempting to make pixar models and they took me FOREVER and looked horrible but I had so much fun in the process of doing and learning I kept throwing myself at these huge projects and got better over time. Then I discovered toony models, and then vrchat, and I was like wow this is way easier and extra fun *permanently changes the course of my career and artistic style*

What I recommend to everyone who asks me how to learn, is pick a project you want to do (start small! very important so you don't lose motivation) and google/youtube how to do it I haven't kept up to date on newer beginner tutorials, there might be something better that's more recent than these! But I think they teach you applicable knowledge to making character models (vs the donut..lol) Froggy | Bunny | My 3D tutorial playlist | Great overview of the pipeline

Motivation is the most important factor on if someone learns 3D. Attempting smaller stuff before moving onto slightly bigger things, then slightly bigger, etc, means you don't spend a billion hours on 1 REALLY hard project only for it to suck and demotivate you so much that you don't wanna do 3D anymore. (Or have blender turn into an obsession like me and do that and not get demotivated, judge for yourself :P)

If a tutorial feels like its taking WAY too long to get to the point, it probably is, don't feel bad about needing to put it on 2X speed or looking for a different tutorial. (Donut tutorial sucksssss) Blender is probably the most heavily documented and tutorial'd 3D program out there so you're in luck x) most of the other ones you have to pay money to properly learn them

[sserpente]

LOKI EPISODES 4 and 5, HOLY SHIT!

Let me tell you, this past week was insane! I did manage to watch Episode 4 last week but pretty much fell asleep straight after so I completely missed writing about Episode 4!

So let's talk about that one first before I lose my absolute shit at Episode 5!

As always, HEAVY SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT!

So then... it is finally revealed that Ravonna had something to do with Kang before. I can't say I'm too surprised. And of course she would just kill a bunch of people to get her way.

Quite interesting how she pretended Loki was the villain this whole time when it's actually her. And don't even get me started on Brad!

I have a feeling we're gonna have a big confrontation in the final episode... but I'm getting ahead of myself--I am way too hyped now after Episode 5.

Now, I have to say, Episode 4 didn't have an awful lot of Loki in it, haha! But hells, did Episode 5 make up for that... DAMN!

The cliffhanger was something else. Obviously, the suspense wasn't one of "oh no, they're doomed and everyone's dead now" but rather "oh shit, how are they going to fix THAT?!"

Good thing it wasn't Loki who went out there... so much for spaghettification. So with that... let's move on to Episode 5 so I can lose my absolute shit!

The very moment O.B. mentioned that Loki might be able to control time slipping I was like 👀. I had a feeling where this was going but... patience, patience, patience.

I swear my poor heartbroken God of Mischief... the fact the timelines were all just evaporating was honestly scary. I mean, imagine your reality is falling apart and there is NOTHING left. NOTHING. And there's nowhere for you to go.

I thought it was convenient that Loki would show up in his friends' timelines until I realised there was a reason for that. Speaking of which... B15 was a doctor, aw! And Mobius finally has his Jetskis! And two sons?! GODS! I hope that they'll be able to combine their TVA life and their timeline life. There's gotta be a way, right?

But to be fair... Casey didn't wanna go back to prison (did you hear him say "they're gonna gut us like fish" I was cackling), Mobius loves jetskis but doesn't seem to be 100% fulfilled with this job... O.B. is a writer who's trying to make it (I felt that) and I guess... you could say B15 has great purpose as a doctor but still! So... I'm still with Loki, they did have a purpose at the TVA and it should be their choice.

I totally love the conversation between Loki and Sylvie here and the fact that she admitted that she's selfish. Is Loki selfish too? Yes and no. Yes, he wants his friends back. But why? Because he CARES about them. And because he knows that most of them aren't actually as happy as they should be in their timelines. Also, naturally, if he doesn't fix this, then all of reality will evaporate so his argument is quite valid.

I swear when he said "where do I belong then"... I was SO DAMN CLOSE TO TEARS. I just wanted to HUG him so bad! Because it's true, isn't it? Loki has no timeline to go back to. He can't just show up in Asgard and pretend like nothing ever happened. But a life like the one Sylvie thinks she's happy with, working at McDonald's? That's not it for Loki, we all know that! I swear... by the end of Season 2 it will be official that he found his glorious purpose!

I mean... just the fact that he was willing to give it all up alone... to let Mobius and everyone else go back to their timelines... NO ONE DARE SAY HE IS A VILLAIN EVER AGAIN, OUR PRECIOUS BABY!

I know I said we don't need Loki to be a self-righteous hero and we don't but the character development in this episode, the reflection of what's been going on with him... SO DAMN GOOD! It's proof that Loki has a good heart, honestly! I mean... we knew that already, it's not the first time we saw it on display but still... awww!

So what's next? Loki, the lord of time... I mean, I'm sorry... did he just become the most powerful being in the MCU?! JUSTICE FOR LOKI AT LAST! I WAS SCREAMING LET ME TELL YOU!

I was hoping for something like that so bad and now here we are! With how things are working out right now, I have a feeling it won't be long until Loki is back in the main MCU timeline and the ultimate force in the final battle against Kang!

[oceansprompts]

Daredevil: Cutting Edge Quote Starters 2

quotes taken from the Marvel novel, Daredevil: The Cutting Edge (1999) by Madeleine E. Robins // adjust pronouns and lines as needed.

I'm just a business woman, I don't need the trouble...

I don't want to cause trouble. Maybe you could ask your patrons to cooperate?

Why do the bad guys go to the same bar?

Anyone got anything they want to share with the class?

Are you just a discipline problem in the making, or do you have something useful to contribute?

Naughty, naughty.

Look, I'm not in here looking for you, so why don't you just stop being an idiot.

Keep those ears to the ground.

You never know when Imight take it into my head to come back again.

No breakage, this time. They're learning.

No one knows anything! Least of all me!

That, I'll never believe. You always have the latest word.

A little judicious flattery can work wonders.

He's got no gig, he's a flipping wild card.

You're all flipping wild cards. That's partof your charm.

You'd think you and your playmates would be all over yourselves trying to help.

I don't like lawyers!

He gets like you out of jail after guys like me have put them away.

Call any hour of the day or night.

Don't throw the card away, I'll know.

Bad move, bringing this into my neighborhood.

You don't get to hurt one of my people and walk away.

Wherever you are, whoever you are, this ends.

It's hard to tell over the phone.

Don't worry, I have a lot of practice finding chairs.

Your face, are you okay?

This? I walked into a door. Nothing to worry about.

Okay, hero, play brave, competent, [disabled] person.

What's going on here? Keep your mind on the problms at hand.

That would be none of his business, now, wouldn't it?

I suppose the supply of peetty criminals has to come from somewhere.

If I get distracted by this now, it won't help anyone.

The smell is killing us, I can imagine what it's doing to you.

Nah, just stands to reason. Besides, you told me so yesterday.

The paint fumes are eating my brain cells. D'you think I have case if I sue?

Geez, most big-money people think that, but they won't say it out loud ⸺

It's hardly likely she'd be an humanitarian.

That guy is a piece of work, you're going to love this!

Oh, I already do, but make me love him more.

He sounds like the kind of guy who pulled the wings off butterflies and tortured puppy dogs.

Basically, your overprivileged sociopath.

I wasn't always the polished gem you see now.

He has the business ethics of a piranha.

Judiciously applied, the business ethics of a piranha can be very useful.

Time to use my power for good.

Make it good, boyo.

Hey, we're working on it.

In other words, hurry up and forget it!

Yer just jealous 'cause the department didn't issue you any tights!

Look, you cannot say or think anything nastier about those S.O.B.s than I have myself but that's not constuctive.

If you like it hot, but I gotta say, man, you oughtta use a little caution.

Could'a been a flippin' army on your tail, man, and you'd'a never known it 'til it was too late.

I'm touched by your concern, but I promise you I'm well armed.

It wouldn'ta done you any good for me to get taken in for questioning.

Nah. Onee of those Irish names. Shee-vahn.

It's frightening to have a madman on the loose.

Well, the only thing to do wwith a bully and a coward is face him straight on!

Now it's time for bed, close your weary eyes and dream of me.

You get to do this every night?

You're a darling, but I'm too tired to argue about it.

In five minutes, I'll be laughing at myself for an hysterical fool, and brushing my teeth and falling into bed.

In this weather? He must be so hot!

This is where I'm going to die.

I have to remember every detail. If I live, I'll tell someone his eyes are blue. If I live.

You have great bone structure.

My job isn't to punish, but, where the hell is he?

Well, look. The neighborhood avenger. Come on, you wanna play?

Can't aim for flesh, connect with the knife, disarm him. Then you can take him out.

Isn't as much fun when you're picking on someone your own size, is it?

Spread the word, sweetheart.

I couldn't... fight him...

You stayed alive, you did the right thing.

Bullies... never give in to... bullies.

You didn't give in, you were very brave.

You did good, remember that.

Oh my, really bad night.

I don't deserve you.

You roll in here looking like someone shot your dog, so I figure I can be self-absorbed and ill-tempered some other morning.

Oh, my god. Oh, god, how badly was she hurt?

It's my fault, I knew it was a mistake, oh my god.

My god, it must have been like waving a red flag at him.

Listen, sweetheart, whatever you did, it's not your fault.

If anyone's to blame, it' me.

She's one of the most arrogant, self-serving, insincere women I've ever met.

Physically, she made me feel like running in circles and baaying at the moon.

Mentally, I wanted to pitch her out the window.

That was the effect she had on me, physically.

Maybe that blow to the head I took the other night?

I've got tickets for Turandot tonight at the Met. Will you be my guest?

Voice-mail. Curse or blessing?

I find I'm old-fashioned enough to prefer talking to a live humaan being.

Old-fashioned is the last word I would apply to you.

Well, maybe old-fashioned in the right ways.

I can't tell you how much I look forward to evening. Seven o'clock.

Hey, counselor. Time to get up. You have places to go and things to do, yes?

Lies. All lies.

I don't think they're ever leaving. I think they like it here.

It's air conditioned, the coffee's free, they get to point and laugh at the poor people trying to work.

[lords-of-mayhem]

Zakk x Brodie Playlist

Would That I // Hozier

True that love in withdrawal was the weeping of me, that the sound of the saw must be known by the tree. Must be felled for to fight the cold. I fretted fire, but that was long ago. With the roar of the fire, my heart rose to its feet like the ashes of ash I saw rise in the heat. Settle soft and as pure as snow, I fell in love with the fire long ago.

Disloyal Order Of Water Buffaloes // Fall Out Boy

I'm coming apart at the seams, pitching myself for leads in other people's dreams. Doc, there's a hole where something was. Oh, I'm a loose bolt of a complete machine. What a match, I'm half-doomed and you're semi-sweet.

Taste Of Ink // The Used

At last, it's finally over. Couldn't take this town much longer. Being half dead wasn't what I planned to be. So here I am, it's in my hand and I'll savor every moment of this. So here I am, alive at last and I'll savor every moment of this. Won't you think I'm pretty when I'm standing top the bright-lit city? So long as you're alive and care, I promise I will take you there.

bad idea right // Olivia Rodrigo

I only see him as a friend, the biggest lie I ever said. Now I'm getting in the car, wrecking all my plans. I know I should stop, but I can't. And I'm sure I've seen much hotter men, but I really can't remember when. I should probably, probably not. Seeing you tonight, it's a bad idea, right?

Too Sweet // Hozier

You keep telling me live right. You know, you don't gotta pretend. Baby, now and then, don't you just wanna wake up dark as a lake? Smelling like a bonfire, lost in a haze. If you're drunk on life, babe, I think it's great. But while in this world, I think I'll take my whiskey neat. My coffee black and my bed at three. You're too sweet for me.

Wrecking Ball // Mother Mother

I made a wreck out of my hand, I put it through the wall. I made a fist and not a plan. I threw my plates against the wall and gave it all I got. I aim to break not one, but all. I am unruly in the stands, I am a rock on top of the sand, I am a fist amidst the hands. It takes a dedicated hand to put it through the wall, you gotta wanna break the hearts of all those pretty porcelain dolls.

Buried Myself Alive // The Used

You almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines. Well, this time, I'm not going to watch myself die. I think I made it a game to play your game and let myself cry. I buried myself alive on the inside, so I could shut you out. I guess it's okay I puked the day away. I guess it's better you trapped yourself in your own way. I think the chain broke away and I felt it in the day that I had my own time. And if you want me back, you're gonna have to ask nicer than that.

The Kill // Thirty Seconds To Mars

What if I wanted to break, laugh it all off in your face? Come, break me down. Bury me, bury me. What if I wanted to fight, beg for the rest of my life? You say you wanted more, what are you waiting for? I'm not running from you. I tried to be someone else, but nothing seemed to change. I know now, this is who I really am inside. I've finally found myself, fighting for a chance.

Punching Bag // Cage The Elephant

She's a stone-cold, straight-faced killer and a lover. And she won't put up with another brute who only wants to use her. She won't take no more, won't take no more. Aw, nah, ain't it a drag? If you take a swing, she swing back. Said I'm not your punching bag. Heaven help ya, the girl likes to fight. Afraid of nothing and she carries a knife.

[just-otter-thoughts]

One of my reasons to think I might be trans is that, every single masculine feature I'd like to have, I'm attracted to.

I have been a bald man with a beard, I'm attracted to that. I wanna be muscular, I'm attracted to that. I love being hairy, I'm attracted to that. I like how deep my voice can get, I'm attracted to that.

So, like, do I wanna be those things? Or do I think that I should aspire to have those qualities just because I think they're attractive, but what I really wanna be is something else?

But would I feel better if I were hairless and had boobs? That's not even necessary to be a woman, but like, we're doing things commonly associated with masculinity so let's do things commonly associated with femininity too. What if I were hairless and had boobs and had long hair? What if my voice were higher? Would I feel happier?

Do I even feel happy like this? It serves me well. But what kills me is that I can't answer the former question. I don't know if I would be happier as a girl because I haven't really tried it. When I went by a feminine name and she/her pronouns, I didn't like it, but I wonder if that's just because he/him and male names feels like home? If they feel like home, does that automatically mean I'm a man?

I also feel really connected to the gay label. I'm not a straight girl. I fought tooth and nail to get to where I am now and call myself a gay man. But does that only mean I don't want to let go of it specifically because of the hardships I've had to endure to be able to do that, and not that that's actually what I am?

I've never really questioned what I was. It was always clear to me right from the get-go that I was gay. What my parents told me at first, that I could be confusing really wanting to be friends with guys with wanting to date them, I actually did with girls as a small child. I had a girlfriend in, like, pre-1st grade, but all we did was talk (though of course that's mostly what children our age would do). I had "crushes" on girls up until 7th grade, when I first came out, and I know the feeling is different because that very year I had a crush on a guy that would last 4 years. The feeling is different, it's a different color.

So if I think about feelings of gender the same way I think about feelings of platonic and romantic attraction, in that they're different colors, then being masculine is a different color from being feminine. When I put makeup on, I love it, and it's a feeling of a different color than when I "put a beard on" (grow it). I feel good with both, but I already understand that I can have qualities of both, what I really wonder is the permanent aesthetics of "man" and "woman".

Makeup as a guy feels great, even if just eyeliner. The closest to drag I've ever done was a full face while I had shaved, and that felt great, but it wasn't exactly something I wanted to go back to every day... or was it? I remember really wanting to do makeup (just on myself). At the time, to me, that meant nothing about gender, but that's just cause I hadn't even realized I could be a gender other than the one I already had.

Which was enforced upon me when I deviated from the norms as a child, until I learned to love it. I remember wanting to get rid of my body hair when I started getting it, until I learned to love it and until I started finding it attractive.

I think what I find attractive and what I want to be is a Venn diagram of two sets, with a non-small overlap. For example, like anyone who consumes pornography, especially of the gay variety, I think hairless hugely muscular guys with short hair are attractive, I'm not going to lie. But I don't wanna be that at all. I wanna be a mildly big otter, which I also think is attractive.

There's also the fact that, while I'm certainly not the most "anything goes" when it comes to being attracted to all types of men, I like to think it's pretty broad. So obviously what I want to be and what I'm attracted to will overlap.

I don't know. I feel like I always have this questioning about myself, and every time I try to rationalize it I end up deciding I'm just a guy, but then I keep thinking, almost like it's intrusive thoughts, that I'm actually an egg and that my true self is a woman. Even though I'm perfectly happy like this.

[luwupercal]

re: Primarch Auras

there are an infinite number of attempts at this post in my drafts rn because i'm too busy to write a dang jpeg so here's my best attempt at bullet-pointing it

i've posted basically all of these thoughts to some extent in disarray over the years on this blog but i recently got tagged on a question about primarch aura effects by @/betterandbetterme, so i decided to make a post about it, so "ah yes, primarch auras" is not an XKCD 2501 - Average Familiarity moment

and then it took me a week+ because life things came up (good life things! timed creative projects and a new ttrpg campaign in a new system) to make the post. whoops

anyway, here's what we know and how I interpret it:

Primarchs have an "aura effect" that causes people to consider them great and glorious and superior and holy and extremely impressive.

This, I argue, is not a natural effect of them being so Large or anything, but in fact I think it is a subconscious psychic effect.

This is in line with previous thoughts shared onto this blog, like the daemons in giftwrap interpretation (link) (and I will quote at some point the specific bit in Reflection Crack'd that I take as canonical acknowledgement of this gdi) (but tl;dr there's probably a reason it's so easy to turn Primarchs into daemons, right?)

A reason why I think they're unnatural depends heavily on the Emperor, who has a similar, if stronger, aura, that is in fact part of his illusory Situation that blanks can see through (Lexicanum link)

(which would make these a sort of metaphysical extension of Lorgar looking like the Emperor. is this cute? you decide)

Another reason is just how dramatic their effect is - here's Vulkan sedating just, like, a random woman who doesn't know what he is. for context in the novel, it hasn't been revealed yet but Vulkan and his men have just killed that woman's protectors and she's freaking out about that (through a language barrier). there's equal examples interspersed throughout the novels

I don't think most primarchs are conscious that they have this effect/power at all because it fully acts subconsciously - compare how Mortarion sublimates his psychic potential out of dislike for psykers, if you wanna. there's precedent

a lot of Primarchs with pretty strong aura effects also show / showed either psychic powers or the potential for them - I would nominate Sanguinius and Lorgar as examples of this

(you can probably argue for Magnus having realized what's going on and controlling it directly, given how powerful he is and how extremely Supernatural he presents, but this would be an entire Point you'd be making about Magnus's personality and powerset and it's been a minute since i've read stuff with him in it, so i won't make it myself)

compare that, for example, with (psychic-wise) extremely mundane normies 30k!Guilliman or Ferrus, who people still basically worshiped at the feet of but that people found easier to point out were somehow less Glorious-Looking, so to speak, than some of their more shiny siblings - 40k!Guilliman has the advantage of the Imperium worshiping him as nearly a living god, so people are more predisposed to look up to him as holy

speaking of which, people can become, like. resistant? to this response by a variety of reasons - see: Tarasha Euten being Guilliman's mom, Sulymanya being an atheist, people who saw the uglier side of Fulgrim in Palatine Phoenix, or Riordan, the medicae who gave such few fucks that after 3 days straight helping patients not die of radiation poisoning he fell asleep standing up in front of Ferrus Manus, for example (also this moment and this moment)

(note all of these examples being mortals, roflmao)

(though when talking abt this a while ago @/horuslupercal brought up how Abaddon used to get into shouting matches with Horus, so, shrug emoji)

Primarily the way to become immunized is to see the Primarchs as people - the aura effect situation going on can't make you only feel positive about a person, it just twists the feelings you already have in the Primarch's advantage, sorta, and then the pedestals the Primarchs carry themselves on, and the supernatural deeds they're able to carry out, do the rest of the work

another thing brought up by @/horuslupercal is Angron's aura not really working, quote him "and I would wager it's ESP bc the nails mesh so poorly with the warp and psykers"

tl;dr: ???????????

primarchs are so fucking full of warp yum

[luneengene2]

r u gonna finish the papa I'm not jinx anytime soon?, I deadass wanna see the plot

Previous Part

• A/N : Finally, I can get back to writing to this Two-Shot. By the way, this section is very short to speed up the update.

Hard thought, Soft thought & request are OPEN

Kei stared straight ahead at the wall where his late wife's photo was hanging. His gaze was blank. His world felt like it was collapsing, his heart was breaking. And this was exactly how he felt seventeen years ago.

"Nami if you have a grudge against me, please punish me only. Don't ask God to take Sora away from me. Give all the pain you experienced in the afterlife to me because I hurt our daughter, but please don't take her with you. Give me a chance to be a 'real father' to Sora. Please, Nami. Don't give me such a painful punishment. I'd rather lose my own soul than lose a part of you again."

Tears flowed down his eyes. Je was in deep shock for days because of his daughter's tragic suicide, and fortunately she was saved. When he first saw Sora's pale condition and the 'equipment' she had on her body, Kei almost had a heart attack. Not only that, he was also almost punched by Euijoo if Euijoo had not been held back by his wife.

"Nami, she's been suffering for seventeen years. You know, I don't mind if she wakes up and kills me right now, it wouldn't hurt me. I would be heartbroken if I saw her in a coffin," Kei shook hard, he squeezed the pants he was wearing. Remembering all the bad memories he did to his own daughter for dozens of years.

Kei never cared whether his daughter was traumatized or not because of his bad treatment as a father. He forgot the fact that his wife died to preserve their beautiful memories. Sora was there as a complement. Not a jinx. Sora is here because of Kei's wishes. Nami died in childbirth so that Kei would not be alone.

But Kei, he actually wasted all of Nami's struggles. Nami's death felt in vain if Sora continued to receive bad treatment from her own father.

"Papa," A soft voice made Kei look up and look to the right. He was shocked to see the girl who should still be lying in the hospital now appear in front of him. Sora. His daughter. His beautiful daughter. His intelligent daughter.

Behind Sora, there was Euijoo. Euijoo slowly pushed Sora's wheelchair to approach Kei.

"Sora," Kei's tone sounded hoarse and also very short of breath. His knees immediately fell to the floor, he stared blankly at his daughter. Sora smiled warmly at her father. Her small hand touched her father's cheek.

"Papa doesn't need to beg, Mama is definitely not that evil to 'take me' away. I live longer because of Papa, I forget my promise to myself. I live for Papa, because I know, one day you will love me. I'm sorry I made Papa sad," Kei shook his head, his nose and eyes were very red from crying. Kei took his daughter's hand that was on his cheek and kissed it softly.

"No need to apologize, Princess. I'm the one who should be apologizing here, I made your life hell for years. Papa doesn't deserve your forgiveness," Kei kink's cry was really sobbing, he was relieved that his daughter was okay. But his guilt was also very big.

"You are my only parent, no matter how bad you are, you are my father. My best father, who always tries to give me a perfect life. You work for my future, and I know that," Kei became even more hysterical when he heard Sora openly say that he was the best father, even though he was far below that. "I can't hate you, you gave me such a special life. I never lack anything, just seeing you smile is enough for me," Without a doubt, this was the first time Kei hugged Sora as hard as he could. Sora felt like screaming because this was the first time her father hugged her.

Kei was grateful, very grateful. God did not give him a very severe punishment by taking Sora's life. God gave him the opportunity to hug Sora for the rest of his life. God gave him the opportunity to see Sora grow up and become a great woman. God gave him the opportunity to be able to accompany his daughter to walk down the holy altar of marriage. God did not make him live alone.

He will be the best father like Sora said. He will make Sora's life much better. He will accompany his daughter until death comes.

If possible, maybe he would accompany Sora until she was old. Sora would be lucky if her father was still around until her old age.

[tobiasdrake]

Mission a-fucking-ccomplished.

Well. Not. Like. The mission mission, but the other mission.

You got more to say, Serai? What's up?

Huh, wouldn't it be wild if Serai actually was Yoyo? Probably not, she looks way too young to be a spooky swamp crone.

OH. RIGHT. In the excitement over feeding Roro her own teeth, I completely forgot about that. Good catch, Serai.

Yeah. I mean, if you wanna be stingy with the green flames, we could always stick around and keep breaking stuff. I got my eye on that ornate wooden coffin with the green jewel to your left. That looks especially fun to break. I bet it'd make a satisfying CRRRRICK sound when the wood splinters.

Okay, yeah, you got me there. I once threatened to urinate in a sacred spring. I have a bit of an irreverence problem. It's a personality flaw of mine, but I'm learning to live with it and love myself anyway.

So what's it gonna be, Roro? You want us to stay or go?

There we go. Pleasure doing business with you. I'm sure we'll see each other again some day.

Looking forward to it.

It wasn't a simple three-versus-one today. You had two separate piles of gobbledygook you were raising warriors out of. You're just bitter we saw through your trick and smashed those.

But whatever helps you sleep at night.

You tell her, Zale.

By the way, I wasn't going to say anything but there's another pile over in the corner, under one of your decorative bookshelves, that you could have used. You weren't nearly as out-of-options as you thought you were.

Probably should have kept a cooler head in the fight and not gone into a fireball-spamming panic. I get it, you're not used to being backed into a corner like this, your skills are probably rusty. When was the last time you were in an actual honest-to-moon brawl? But, y'know, takeaway for next time.

Anyway, see you around, Roro.

My biggest concern is whether or not Garl woke up and strolled his jolly ass to the Dweller while we were gone. We. Uh. We probably should have left someone watching him with another dose of that numbing poison. Valtraid would have been a great pick; He's got that Venom strength if things go bad.

That's on me. I should have thought of that. I did not.

Oh, definitely. After the unholy levels of violence and massive disrespect we flung straight into her face, she's going to have your hide. She's going to want to take it out on somebody and you're the nearest intelligent being.

I mean, it's unfair for her to expect you to be able to keep out people who can do what we just did to her, but I don't think she's going to be very rational about this.

Sorry, bro. Try and keep a, y'know, a "stiff upper lip" or whatever.

You don't know what we went through for this. Through bones and blood and dark abyss. I'm so fucking done right now Making zombies into puppy chow. I want to save Garl and go to bed. Right now, I could sleep like the dead. I just hope the eclipse is not tonight. If they make me stay up, there'll be a fight.

Serai, you don't have any advice? We're back to "wing it"? Okay, I'll give it a shot.

This is either going to kill him instantly or save his life. Let's roll these dice.

Come on, Garl. I already cost you an eye. Don't make my debt any worse.

WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU

Wait. No. I did warn her that I might start swinging wildly if Garl dies and she should be cognizant of that. Vacating the area is an entirely valid precautionary measure. That's fair.

Garl will live! You can't have him, Dweller! Ha-ha!

Alright, Serai, you can come back out now.

...Serai?

She's probably downstairs with her pirate crew. But in the interest of respecting her personal space, we should continue pretending we can't easily see through her disguise.

She'll come clean when she's ready. We should resume waiting for the eclipse together. Make a mental note to drop hints around Captain Cliche when we think we'll be facing a situation that our mysterious friend Serai might be able to help with. All that good stuff.

Yeah, I'm virtuous and noble and shit. Remember that time we saved an entire village full of mole people and then I threatened to throw them off a cliff for being assholes? Good times.

There was also that time we....

...

Oh! We helped a whole crew of pirates plunder a magical coin and then, as payment, doomed them to be preyed upon by a cosmic horror in an existential nightmare village. And also used their magical coin for ourselves, for good measure.

I think we're doing pretty well for ourselves, so what's a little bit of childhood cheesiness?

Well, your prophecy says you'll never achieve your full potential until you accept the inherent superiority of night over day.

I mean, that's not exactly what the Elder Mist said but it's how I'm choosing to remember it.

Ribbing aside, it's definitely related to your prophecy. I get to walk on water but the Elder Mist made it sound like you have some sort of Super Saiyan transformation or something.

I would like to spend what time we have until the Eclipse testing it but if it only activates when Garl's life is in danger then we don't have a reliable testing mechanism available to us. Because anyone who suggests endangering Garl on purpose for training is getting their nose broken by my staff.

We can put our heads together and come up with some way to safely explore this thing that's going on with you. Tomorrow, when we're not exhausted from a long day of literal skull-cracking.

Well, at least you finally admit it. :P

Don't worry about it, man. What will be, will be.

I want to hear everything. You were under the Dweller's influence so anything you saw, heard, or experienced might be valuable intel.