#like my friends and family know i struggle with it so what’s the next logical move? use that to get what they want

[lilgynt]

i really got to get better at saying no and just not doing things i don’t want to do. like i know abuse sexual and non literally beat that out of me but i am sick of my nos never being taken seriously and i never push beyond the initial no bc that IS me trying my best i just got to get into my cunt era

[hyuganejiswife]

Why Do You Love Me? | Gaara X GNReader

Masterlist

| REQUESTED, Gaara cries, learning to accept not everyone uses him and that there are people who truly do love him

Word Count: 939

“Why do they love me?” That’s the first question that Gaara asked his brother when he’d entered the office. Kankuro had been so caught off guard that he didn’t know what to say.

“Why does… Y/N?” He tilts his head, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “I dunno, man, you’re gonna have to ask them about that. It’s not something I can really answer for them.”

Gaara simply nods and turns back to the paperwork in front of him. He didn’t really know what truly pushed the question into his head. He was remembering his childhood, trying to single out the good times, the fun, the love…

He remembers the fear, though. The fear his siblings had for him, the people he now calls his friends, and how anyone in the Sand Village looked at him, he remembers that distinctly. He remembers children being told not to go near him, that he wasn’t safe to play with.

And then he thinks of you. From the Leaf Village. You’d given up everything to come to the Sand Village to be with him. When you’d first met you hadn’t shown him fear or anger like everyone else. You’d shown confusion and compassion, even curiosity. You were intrigued by him and you found him fascinating despite the fact that he’d almost killed one of your best friends in the preliminaries in the chunin exams.

He was wary of you up until around the time he took over as the Kazekage. You often paid him and his siblings visits, bringing gifts from your own missions. It wasn’t until Kankuro pushed him to confront you that you admitted your feelings to him and he struggled to wrap his head around it. Yet, he admitted to feeling quite fond of you and was willing to try a relationship if that was what you truly wanted.

So you did.

The two of you maintained a relationship through letters for a few months until you tired of it and opted to leave behind your life, friends and family in the Leaf Village just to be closer to Gaara. The act in itself confused him. No one had ever shown him as much love as you had by giving up everything you knew. And even still, he granted you permission to act as a jonin in the Sand Village.

What bothered him after was worrying for your safety in the various missions he sent you. Logically he knew you were strong and he had nothing to worry about, but the ache in his chest would not settle until he could see you for himself, often leading to him showing up at your doorstep when you should have been sleeping. A solution you proposed to him was that the two of you should move in together, taking the next step in your relationship while allowing him to keep an eye on you and make sure you were resting and healing after missions.

That’s what made waiting for you to come home again so hard. He needed an answer to the question he’d asked his brother. He needed to know you were safe and unharmed, yet he knew you wouldn’t be home until well after midnight if everything went according to plan.

So when you finally do arrive home, imagine your surprise seeing him sitting at the kitchen table, his head on his arms seemingly asleep. You set your bag down, walking over and crouching slightly to wake him up. Your hand finds his shoulder, squeezing while your other hand finds his knee. “Gaara, my love, come on. Let’s get you into bed…” You smile softly and stand as he stirs, sitting up in the chair.

When you turn away, his hand slips around your wrist and pulls you back. “Why do you love me?” That certainly wasn’t what you were expecting to hear. “I’m a monster. I have done…” He couldn’t finish that thought. He didn’t want to hear you agree with him.

But instead, you step forward as he looks up at you, pushing his legs apart and standing between them. Your arms go around his shoulders, pulling him into your chest. You tangle your fingers in his hair, leaning down to kiss his forehead. “I love you because you make me happier than I have ever been in my whole life. What you have done while you were not yourself does not define who you are. Who you are now and what you do now, that is why I love you. When I think of being happy and my future, I do not see a future without you by my side, my love.”

At this point, you could feel his tears seeping through your shirt, your grip only tightening in realization. “When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I think of is you. I’m so happy that I get to wake up beside you, as well as go to sleep beside you. My chest feels… full when I’m with you, when I simply think of you. I love you for you. And I love you for who I am when I’m with you. I’m the best I can be because of you and because I want to make you happy.”

As he sobs quietly in your arms, you rock him, patient as always and allowing him his moment of weakness without judgement. That’s one of the reasons he loved you so. He was allowed to be weak with you without fear that he’d be judged or taken advantage of. With you and your reassurances, he knows he’ll always be loved and safe.

[starbylers]

Mike ‘rejecting but accepting’ Will cannot co-exist with Will getting a happy ending

Even when I try to genuinely picture a scenario in which we get an ‘I accept you’ ending to Byler (it’s not happening this is just a thought exercise lol) I just…can’t? It's impossible to do without sounding like someone who's never read or written a story in their life:

Mike says 'You'll always be my best friend but I'm straight and I love my girlfriend sorry' and then what? They just never talk about it again? Ignore the elephant in the room every time they're together? Mike can't do anything to help Will with this, other than distance himself to make it easier but it's practically confirmed they will be a team next season so that's not happening. Will is not a robot, he won't just stop loving Mike because Mike says he's straight. Will already believes Mike is straight and in love with El, and yet his feelings are strong as ever. They won't just disappear, it would take time and active effort.

So if this 'rejection' happens early in the season (giving Will actual time to feasibly move on), if his arc was really to 'get over Mike', is he just going to hang around the rest of the season feeling sad but trying to forget about it? So it's just another season of Will being in unnecessary emotional turmoil...and then one day he just kind of does forget about it and the storyline fizzles out? What even is that. Like try and picture how this would actually play out on screen, it's ridiculous to even consider.

The only solid place Will's acceptance story could go after confessing to Mike is coming out to his family (and hopefully the party) which we obviously all want for him and I hope they get a really beautiful scene, but the problem is the audience knows everyone will love Will no matter what (he might not know, but we do and we are the target audience here) so there's no stakes. The only real stakes in Will's coming out from a storytelling perspective is how Mike will react (it’s the only uncertain variable), and if we get this very early on in the season (giving Will time for a believable 'moving on' arc) his storyline would be incredibly anti-climactic, it would have peaked and have nowhere else to go. It's not like he's going to date someone else.

And if we don't get the 'rejection' early on, Will won't have time to feasibly get over it (especially since we already established that being rejected and moving on would not be an automatic process for someone as unconditionally in love as Will is with Mike), and he would inevitably end the season unhappy. But we know that's not happening so...

And no him getting over it during the time-skip is still not logical or good storytelling, it would be a cop-out and an unsatisfying plot device. Like Will confesses and is rejected by the boy he loves then it’s the next episode and he just doesn’t care anymore and the whole storyline is dropped? If it was an early season time-skip, then he’d have no real personal arc for the rest of (majority of) the season. If it was a mid-late season time skip, we’d still have him either pining or trying to move on (which is a painful and hard process for anyone) for the whole pre-skip, depending on when exactly the rejection occurs.

It's not that Bylers think Will couldn’t ever be happy without Mike but it's that the narrative as it's set up is not going to accomodate that whilst also adhering to basic storytelling principles (and without the writers letting a gay character constantly suffer with no pay off). He will either end up with Mike, spend the season hurting/pining/struggling again but by the end it just sort of fades into nothing (‘moving on’), OR they will drag his unrequited love to the final episodes guaranteeing his unhappy ending. Anything else would be nonsensical and unrealistic aka him just being fine and happy and completely over it right after he's rejected. Or them completely forgetting about the build up of this storyline with the excuse of a time jump, cutting short his personal arc and leaving the character with nowhere to go. These are literally the only options for the end of Will's story, and the only one that is happy and is objectively the better-written story is Byler.

[justmeinadaze]

We're A Family Part 15 (Steddie X You)

Warnings With Some Notes: Dads Steddie and Mama Reader, Stevie gets yelled at by parents during a parent/teacher conference that Y/N overhears (the dad refers to her as a whore and slut a few times through out the story), these three do talk about having another baby which leads Steve to talking about his worry of people in the town, Daisy's dad causes a scene in their house, SMUT (spanking and slight overstimulation), fluff, and angst.

Dylan and Y/N talk about him and Ro not being planned. The men in the Munson-Harrington household all struggle with personal demons that are mentioned through out this story. They have grown though and know no matter what they can handle anything together <3.

Word Count: 5788

“What? Why are you looking at me that way?”

Kierra sighs as she shrugs before leaning back in the booth across from yours. “Y/N, you know I’m always on your side. No matter what. You’re my sister, my best friend, and I love the hell out of you. That being said…”, her eyes look up to meet your slightly annoyed ones. “I think what Steve is feeling is fair.”

You fold your arms as you pout while she continues. 

“Come on. It’s not like he’s ever hid from you that he wanted more kids. You three had always talked about having another baby using his stuff, ya know? And of course, he’s thinking about it now because Aurora’s not technically a baby anymore. Dylan will be starting high school soon. His asshole father and our evil mother are always reminding him that biologically the kids aren’t his.”

“So this will fix that?!”

“Y/N…”

“And if we go by that logic we technically aren’t married. They remind him of that to. What, maybe, he needs an actual wife now.”

“Well, now you’re being ridiculous.”

“Don’t do that, Kierra. Don’t treat me like I’m mom!”

“That’s not what I’m doing and I know you know that.” You both exhaled as you took a long sip from the drink in your glass. “Y/N, he’s not…commanding…you to give him a kid right now. It sounds like he just wants to have a conversation about it. At least give Steve and Eddie that.”

“I’m sorry I snapped at you.”

She grins as she lightly kicks your leg under the table. “No worries. You know I still love you.”

***

“Hey, mom. What are you doing here?”, Dylan asked as you walked up to the school. 

“Steve asked Ed to come get you because he has a meeting after school but he already had plans so alas, you get me.” He grins as you hand him your keys. “Go wait in the car and I’ll be right there, okay?”

You smile as you watch him run out the door before heading to Steve’s classroom. 

“…and I’m not going sit here and be lectured by some deviant!”

The sound of someone yelling caused you to pause just outside his door.

“I’m not lecturing you, Mr. Osborne. I’m just trying to convey that your daughter seems to struggle a lot more with the material than others in class. She’s very smart. She just needs some extra help.”

“Oh, and are YOU going to pay for that, Mr. Harrington?! Especially since I know for a fact she doesn’t need any ‘extra help’. Maybe if you would focus on being a better teacher instead of that whore and freak maybe my child would be better educated.”

A chair rolled back as you heard Steve exhale angrily. “I think we’re done here.”

“Um, what about…Daisy’s grade.”, a woman asked.

There was a long pause before he finally answered. “Mrs. Osborne, she’s passing but not enough to get into those AP classes next year. If you and your husband insist on not finding a tutor or something that can help her…there’s not much more that I can do.”

“Maybe it’s time we talk to the principal.”, Mr. Osborne sneered.

“Maybe it is. I can give you his number and we can set up another meeting.”

The man mutters things under his breath as Mrs. Osborne offers a small thank you to Steve. Both parents exit the classroom coming face to face with you. 

“Oh. Hey, Y/N. I…we…didn’t know you were, um, here.” You watch with angry eyes as her husband stalks past you down the hallway and out of sight. “Daisy had fun with Dylan at the dance. He sent me some pictures. They are so cute together!”

You subtly nod before crossing your arms. “Lori, did you know my son helps your daughter with her homework sometimes?” She blinks in your direction before shaking her head. “There are times when she comes over after school and they study together. Of course, they can’t do it all the time; Dylan having baseball and Daisy in gymnastics but… Those times he is able to help her? She gets a higher grade.”

“Steve’s right. She’s a smart kid. It’s just she seems to struggle to retain the information especially when she’s anxious. I wonder why that is.”

“LORI ANNE! Are you coming or not?!”, Mr. Osborne shouts down the hallway. 

You shrug as you lean against the wall behind you. “But what would I know? I’m just the whore married to the freak and deviant.”

As soon as the sound of her heels disappear, Steve casually comes to lean in the doorway. 

“That was good. Maybe you should be a teacher.”

“Naw. That was just my counseling degree you saw at work there. Dealt with a lot of parents like Daisy’s I’m afraid.” You glance in his direction taking note of how exhausted he looks. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m alright. What about you?”

“I’ve been better.” Steve immediately looks you over with concern. It’s one of the many things you love about them both; their concern and protectiveness of you. You imagined it took all his strength to not punch Daisy’s dad in the face for calling you and Eddie names. 

“Is there anything I can do?”

“I was thinking that, maybe, the three of us could talk tonight about…you know.”

He sighed as he shoved his hands in his pockets and looked down at the floor. “We don’t have to. I mean, not much point if you can’t even say the word baby.”

“Steve, I’m trying here.”

“Yeah, I understand. It’s really fine, Y/N. Like I tried to tell you before. It’s just something I was thinking about. If you’re not ready it’s fine. We can wait. Look, I still have a couple of things to do before I can leave so…I’ll just see you back at home, alright.”

Before you can answer, he turns away from you and heads for his desk.

###########

“Ok, princess, let’s see what we get here.” Eddie rolls his D & D dice as Aurora sits at the little table Wayne made for her in her size while she picks at the snack on her plate.

“17. Alright.” He leans forward and grabs a note card from the vocabulary set Steve bought to help teach her words. It was the metalhead’s idea to put a spin on it, allowing him to grab a card at random. “What’s this?”

“Puppy!”

“Good job, my angel.” He rolls again and grabs the corresponding card. 

“Girl.” Ro points to the image and then herself. “Rara girl.”

“Yes ma’am, you are.”

“Beep, beep.”, she mimics absently before taking a bite of her snack. 

“Who’s that?”

She grins as Dylan comes around and ruffles her hair. “Din bra-der.”

“Is Dylan a boy or a girl?”

“Big boy.”

“Way to go, Ro. Mom, I’m going to go upstairs till dinner.”

You nod before coming to sit on the floor beside them and Eddie bends towards you to give you a kiss. 

“Ew, daddy!”

“Hey, ew you, kid.”, he smiles as he gives you another peck. “Are you alright, baby?”

“Daisy’s parents were giving Steve hell when I showed up.”

“Sounds about right. I’ve never liked Nathan. He kind of reminds me of my father.”

“Yeah…I told Steve I thought the three of us should talk about the other night…”

“You mean when you freaked out about the idea of having another kid?” He laughed when you shot him a playful glare. “Honestly, sweetheart, not much point if you can’t even say the word.”

“I swear to God! Are you two on the same frequency or something??”

“Usually.”, he smiles. “I’m always open for a conversation.”

***

“Hey, weirdo.” You grin at him as he steps outside and sits beside you on the steps of the back porch. “How’s Daisy?”

“She’s…she’s ok. Upset but ok. She said her parents have been fighting all night.”

“I’m sorry, baby. You know she’s welcome over here anytime if she needs an escape.”

“How are you, mom?”

“I’m okay.” He raises his eyebrow at you making you laugh. “What?! I really am.”

“Liar.”

“Fine! Ya little pain in the butt.” Your smile slightly fades as you talk to him. “Steve wants to have another kid.”

“And you don’t?”

“I don’t know, weirdo. I mean, we all just got settled into this routine, we see each other a lot more than before. We’d have to move because I’m not going to make either of you share a room with a screaming baby.”

“I wouldn’t mind.”

“I know YOU wouldn’t but I would.” You quickly sneak a glance at your son before looking out into the yard. “How would you feel about another little one running around?”

“I think it would be cool. I was an only child for a while there so I wouldn’t mind more siblings in the house.” His concerned eyes shift over your frame, debating on if he should continue. “Ro and I were accidents, right?”

His question startled you as you turned to fully face your son. “No, Dylan. You and Aurora weren’t planned but you definitely were NOT accidents.”

“Yeah, no, I get that. I just… imagine how different it would be for you and our dads to plan one this time. You get to be excited for once instead of scared.”

“Dylan Marshall Y/L/N—”

“Ah.”, he cuts you off with a cute little smile. “It’s Munson-Harrington now. You have to scold me properly.”

You smirk as you narrow your eyes at him in jest. “Dylan Marshall Munson-Harrington.”

“There you go!”

You both laugh as you pull him into your arms. “Baby, I was ecstatic when I found out I was pregnant with you. Seriously. I fell in love with you the moment I saw your little blob on the ultrasound; you and Aurora.”

“We love you to, mom.”

“Don’t ever let me hear you say that you were an accident. You hear me?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

As you both reentered the house, Eddie was patting Ro’s back as she slept on his shoulder sucking her thumb while Steve stood at the sink washing the dishes from dinner. Dylan bid them a quick good night before heading up to his room.

Sighing, you drunk in the vision of the man in your kitchen. He still looked extremely exhausted but more than anything he seemed sad. Your sister was right, it was fair for him to be feeling what he was feeling and he never once tried to push you on the idea of having more children. When you three found out about Aurora, at first he reacted negatively but he more than made up for it, there for you 24/7 throughout your pregnancy and after she was born. No questions asked. 

Steve had been the same with Dylan all those years ago. Anything your son needed he offered a helping hand where he could and genuinely enjoyed being there for you both. 

He probably wasn’t even going to present you with that “Baby #3” note until you yourself brought up being ready to have another baby. Steve just wanted to be prepared when the time came up. Yet you reacted out of panic, like he was saying it’s either this or nothing. You immediately shut him down and out instead of just talking to him about how he felt.

He deserved more than that; they both did. 

Eddie watched as you crossed the living room and headed towards the other man’s side. He turned off the water, reaching for a dishtowel to dry his hands before finally turning to look at you. Steve exhaled heavily and you abruptly wrapped your arms around his waist, pressing your face into his chest. His strong hands held you tighter to his as he rested his cheek on the top of your head.

#############

“I heard Nathan Osborne gave you the third degree today.” Eddie grinned in Steve’s direction from his place on the floor as he strummed his guitar absently. 

“I wouldn’t say ‘third degree’ but he was definitely an asshole.” Steve, who was doing crunches, fully sat up to wrap his arms around his knees. “Said I need to focus more on teaching than being a deviant with my whore and my freak.”

“Wow. Rude. I don’t belong to you. I’m my own freak.” Eddie jokingly sized him up making the other man laugh.

You grinned to yourself in the bathroom as you listened to them talk. You loved hearing them speak to each other when they thought you weren’t listening. It had gradually gotten flirtier as the years passed as they got more comfortable with crossing that friend boundary and entering lovers. Sometimes you wondered if at some point they would have gotten there on their own if they hadn’t met you. You imagined so with that energy they had always had between them. 

“How hard was it for you not to punch him?”

“Pfft, God. You have no idea.” Steve tipped back down onto the carpet and continued his set. “Y/N verbally gave them something to think about though.”

“Ooo, baby! You badass. Comin’ out swinging with that sassy attitude.”

Turning off the bathroom light, you smiled as you came to sit on the floor beside them. 

“Just Lori. Nathan pushed past me before I could say anything. Dylan says they’ve been fighting all night so, I don’t know, maybe she finally told him something.”

“I hate that for Daisy. She can always come over if she needs to.”, Eddie smiled as he reached to move your hair to the side. “What are you thinking about, babe?”

“Dylan asked me if he and his sister were accidents.” Steve sat up again as the metalhead fully moved his guitar to the side. “I’ve genuinely never thought about it before…that neither of the kids were planned. I don’t know how that translates to me basically having a panic attack at the thought of having another but…”, you laugh as they flash you a smile. “Steve, I’m sorry.”

“I mean, no reason to be sorry, honey. I meant what I said. If you aren’t ready, we can wait. It’s not a big deal.”

“It is to me because I know our parents put you through hell because Dylan and Ro aren’t biologically yours—”

“Hey now. No. We aren’t going down that road. Those two kids out there are OURS, mine and Eddie’s. I don’t give a fuck that they aren’t ‘pure Harrington’s’ or whatever bullshit my dad wants to spout around town. I don’t want you to agree to have another baby just because you feel like you owe me something. I’m not going to lie, Y/N, I’m really fucking tired of having this conversation.”

“Steve…”

“No, Munson. I mean we adopted Dylan, both kids have our names. What more do I need to do to prove to you that I see them as my children to? IS it me? 

“I have never once doubted that you love those kids. I just feel like it hurts you to be reminded.”

“Yeah…but not in the way you think. It hurts me that there are people out there who are going to tell them the same thing and it will hurt them. It hurts me that ignorant people like our parents and the Osbornes will never be able to understand that I would die to protect those kids. If I could shield them from all this bullshit, I would. Those are the kind of things I worry about when THAT particular topic of conversation comes up.”

“How about this?”, Eddie interjects. “How about we start slow? One stressful situation at a time. Maybe we can start looking into bigger houses and see if we can even afford that. If we can’t there’s no point in even having the baby talk.”

“How big are we talkin’?”

“Well, Harrington, your parent’s house has like a billion bedrooms. How much do they pay?”

“First off, calm down, it’s 5 bedrooms. Second, they bought that house in like the 80s. Houses were a lot cheaper back then.”

“They also live on an expensive side of town.”, you add before softly smiling to yourself. “I always wanted to build my own house.”

“Like…with your two hands or?”

“No, you goof.”, you giggle as you lightly reach out to kick Eddie with your foot. “Like design it and have it built. When we were growing up, my dad used to say that was something he wanted but his idea was more extravagant. ‘We’ll have the bowling alley here and the theater there.’” You glance towards Steve as he grins at your comment before crawling over to climb into his lap. 

***

“What about this one?”, you asked Steve as you both sat at the kitchen table looking up houses online. Dylan and Daisy were across from you two working on an assignment for another class. 

Eddie was feeding Ro as she sat on the countertop, kicking her legs with a big smile on her face. 

“I like it. This is only four bedrooms though. I thought you wanted another so Ed can have a man cave for his guitars.”

“Oh, sure. Blame me like you won’t be keeping things in there as well.”

“That’s fair.”, you giggle. “I like it because it’s kind of out near the countryside of Hawkins. Away from people… Plus we would be a little closer to Wayne.”

“And further away from your mom and my dad?”, Steve whispers as his fingers caress your arm as you nod. 

“This area still isn’t far from the school or Ed’s shop—”

Pounding on the front door startled everyone causing both men to immediately shift into protective mode. Steve headed towards the sound, sighing aggressively as he peered through the peephole. 

“Kids, upstairs now. You to baby. Don’t argue with me.”, he warned as your mouth opened to protest. Dylan and Daisy head up the stairs as you take Ro from Eddie and follow them. 

“Mr. Osborne, how can I help you?”

“Where is my daughter?! I don’t want her in this house anymore.”

“She’s studying with Dylan. Your wife dropped her off a few hours ago—”

“I don’t care! She’s MY daughter to and I don’t her exposed to you people.” The man barged passed Steve to search the house shouting her name.

You wrapped your arms around Daisy as she stood there staring out into the hallway towards the stairs and began to cry. 

“It’s ok, sweetheart. They won’t let anything bad happen. I promise.”

“Ah, hello Nathan.”, Eddie sarcastically greets him from his spot at the bottom of the staircase. The man tries to push past him but the metalhead successfully blocks his path with his arm. “See, I’m not the teacher and you’re in my house where my kids are so I have absolutely no problem knocking you out if you try that again.”

“I want my daughter NOW.”

“Mr. Osborne, I need you to calm down. I’m not going to let her leave with you if you continue behaving this way.”

“You’re not going to LET her, Mr. Harrington.”, he laughs. 

“That’s correct especially if she doesn’t feel safe leaving with you.”

“Daisy is safer with me than with you freaks. I don’t give a fuck what my wife says…the last thing I need is my daughter thinking being a whore is ok.”

Eddie took long strides forward but Steve quickly came between them as he glared at the other man. 

“You’ve barged into my house uninvited smelling like alcohol and insulted my wife. I’m asking you nicely one more time to leave or else I will call Hopper.”

“Daisy, honey, wait…”

The girl stepped out of the room and forward so her dad could see her, you quickly following to grab her arm. 

“Daisy! Get down here right now! We are going home.”

“Daisy, if you don’t feel safe you can stay here till we get a hold of your mom.”

“It’s ok, Mr. Harrington. I’ll be ok.”

You watch with sad eyes as his shoulders deflate. They glare at each other as she grabs her things and heads towards the front door. 

“You keep that boy away from my kid or else—”

“Or else what?” Steve stepped forward till he was hovering just above the other man’s face. “Finish that sentence, Nathan. Please. Threaten my son so I can finally knock you on your ass.”

Mr. Osborne scoffed before abruptly turning and grabbing his daughter before heading out the door. As both men turned to glance up the stairs, they find you sitting on the top step with your arm around Dylan as you both gaze back with sympathy. Aurora is sitting between her brother’s legs one step below him as she plays with her fingers.

This is their family. Eddie and Steve both grew up with a Nathan Osborne in their house. He was a good reminder of where they had come from and how far they had come. Both men started out alone until they found each other. It was just the two of them for so long till they found you and Dylan before Ro came along. 

“You ok, kid?”, Steve asked.

“Yeah… I just hate she has to go back home to that. Are you guys okay?”

“Well, won’t make it on my top 10 Saturday evenings but…” Eddie grinned as you three laugh. 

“Grrrr.”, Ro growls as she points to the door.

“Excuse me, who are you trying scare, honey?!”

Aurora crawls down slowly on her butt before reaching up so Steve can lift her in his arms. “Boy…grrrrr. Gashhhhhh. Gashhhhhh.”

Dylan cackles at his sister’s sound effects. “She’s making Darth Vader noises.” He mimics her sounds more clearly and she claps at his understanding. “She’s essentially saying Daisy’s dad is mean.”

“Look at you. Kid is the baby translator.”, the man smiles as she giggles and bonks her head against his. 

############

“Let’s do it.”

After putting the kids to bed, you climbed onto Steve’s lap on the couch interrupting the show he and Eddie were watching.

“What’s happening now?”

“Let’s try for another baby.”

The metalhead turns off the tv as they both turn to look at you. “Sweetheart, if you aren’t ready—”

“No, no. I mean, after looking at houses and us going over things…seeing how you two are…” Your fingers come up to caress the man’s cheek. “I watched you two defend us…not just us but Daisy to. It just reminded me that no matter what happens we’re safe with you. We’re in this together. We can make it all work.” Steve pressed his forehead to your own. “I’m sorry for panicking and snapping at you before.”

“No reason to, honey. I get it. We’ll just take it one day at a time, okay? It’s going to take a couple of weeks for the birth control to stop working right? We can use that time to look at some of the houses we found. After today…I like the idea of being out in the country.”

“I wouldn’t mind being closer to Wayne.”, Eddie admits. “So, what a minute. If we’re doing this the fun way…that means I can’t cum inside of you for a while?”

You giggle as you lean into Steve’s neck. “Yup. Sorry, baby.”

He flashes you a wicked grin as he promptly stands up and reaches down to throw you over his shoulder. “Well, I better fill you up as much as I can beforehand. Come on, Steven.”

The other man didn’t need to be told; he was already following you both up the stairs. You smile as he tosses you onto the bed and promptly climbs on top of you, clinging his lips to your neck. As quickly as he could, Eddie tore off his clothes and yanked down your pants, bringing your panties with them. 

“What’s your rush?”, you laugh at him as he lifts you further up the mattress and positions himself between your legs.

“I’m just dying to feel you, princess.” His body leans over yours as he rubs the tip of his length through your folds making you moan. “Can I? Can I feel my cock inside of you, baby?”

“You know you don’t have to ask.”

Eddie smiles as his lips gently press against yours. “I know. I just like hearing you say it.”

Your fingers run through his hair before taking hold of his shoulders. “Yes, Eddie. I want to feel you inside of me.”

The man bit his bottom lip as his head hung and he pushed himself into your entrance. You searched for Steve, finding him off to the side, already naked, and stroking his cock to the sight before him. After motioning for him to come closer, he crawled onto the bed beside your head, and reached down to lift off your shirt. 

As soon as you were free of its confinement, you reached for him, making him groan when you guided his cock into your awaiting mouth.  

Eddie pushed up on his knees, lifting your legs further around his waist as he thrust into you. With half-lidded eyes, he watched as Steve’s own beautiful orbs fluttered closed as his jaw went slack. His palm tenderly caressed your cheek before sliding down to your bouncing tits as he kneaded and played with your nipples. 

The metalhead aggressively reached for the back of the boy’s neck, tugging his lips to his own. As they kissed, Eddie’s pace slowed as he pumped into you hard and deep.

“Oh…oh my God. F-fuck.”, you mewled.

Steve moaned loudly, his kisses becoming sloppy as he held the other man’s face tightly against his own. You repositioned your head so you could suck on his balls while you stroked him with your hand. 

“Fuck me!” Eddie rapidly covered his mouth but he shook his head, pushing it away as he leaned his forehead against his husband’s. “Fuck, that feels so fucking good.”, he whispers.

Steve licks the tips of his fingers and brings them down to your clit, rubbing in fast circles as Eddie tries to match his pace. You try keeping any part of your mouth on him that you can but you struggle as you hurtle towards your climax.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck. Y-yes, Eddie, baby, please.”

His head collapsed lazily against Steve’s shoulder as he rolled his hips into yours, your body shaking as you came, him following after as your pussy clenches around him. 

As you try to come down from your high, you notice them exchange a glance with a knowing smile and before you can say anything, the metalhead’s arms are wrapping around you, and flipping you over till you’re on top of him.

“Whatcha doin’?”, you giggle as he smiles, wiping some of the sweat that had accumulated on your face.

“I did say I wanted to fill you up as much as I could beforehand.”

“Ed…”

His eyebrows coyly raise in your direction. “What? You don’t think you can make me cum again?”

“I didn’t say that.” Eddie pushed up on his hands and you looked behind you when you felt a hand touch your body. Steve winked as he pushed you forward slightly making you grin when your nose grazed the mans underneath you. “I just… don’t want to hurt you. I know how sensitive you both are after you cum.”

To prove your point, you gently lift your hips, gliding your pussy along his cock and his eyes close as he hisses at the stimulation. After licking his lips, he craned his neck, bringing his lips to yours.  

“I don’t mind a little pain.” With his knees placed on either of the Eddie’s legs, Steve gripped one of your shoulders while using his other to guide himself into your ass. “If anyone can make me cum more than once this quickly, it’d be you sweetheart.”

Your arms cling to his neck as you begin bouncing and pushing back between them. The man behind you meets each of your moves with a thrust of his own and you promptly see stars. 

“Steve…just-just like that. You both always—fuck—always feel…” You struggle to finish your sentence, words leaving your brain as you gaze down at Eddie’s face. 

His eyes are squeezed shut as he murmurs through gritted teeth. Steve sees it to as he reaches over you caress the man’s lip with his thumb. As you lean forward to hear him better, his arms move causing him to fall flat on the mattress as he grips your hips. You and the other boy adjust more on your knees making you groan as both men push deeper into you. 

“Ed? Are you okay, babe?” He nods as he grumbles something you can’t hear. “I-I can’t hear you, sweethea—oh!” Eddie startles you as his palm comes down hard on your ass.

“Hard-er.”, he growls but not in an aggressive way. His tone is rough but it’s dripping with a need you’ve never heard from him before. That mixed with him spanking you had your cunt constricting around him tighter and he moaned at the feeling.

You did as he commanded, grinding your hips as hard as you could against the two of them, bending down to balance on your own arms for more leverage. The man underneath you spanked you again except this time you felt Steve’s cock twitch inside you as he grunted. 

“D-do it again. I think—mmm—I think Stevie likes watching you spank me.”

Without saying a word, he did again and the other boy tugged at your bicep, pulling you flat against his chest. You yelped as Eddie’s thumb flicked against your nub and you were grateful when Steve covered your mouth as you whimpered loudly behind his palm. 

You couldn’t hold back anymore as you came causing the metalhead to release a strained fuck as you spasmed around his cock. They both chased their highs, Steve coming first as his face pressed into your shoulder and grunted as he came inside you. 

Eddie followed soon after, filling your pussy for the second time. The man behind you carefully pulled out but as you tried to do the same the other boy clung to your hips. 

“Baby, I…I love the enthusiasm but…you can’t go again.”, you panted as you grinned. “Not right now.”

A small smirk painted his lips as his eyes remained closed. “I’m…kind of embarrassed to say but…I need you to wait a minute, princess.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. I’ve just never tried that before. Usually, we take a break if we go a few rounds. I, uh, it hurts a little.”

“I told you.”, you sing. 

“Are you ok? It’s okay if we sit for a minute, right?”

“Of course. Did you enjoy it?”

“Did I enjoy making love to you till I can barely move after? Yes, sweetheart, I’d say I did.”, he laughs. 

“Did you like what he did?”

Eddie exasperatedly giggled harder as he placed his hand over his heart. “Jesus Steven. You were so fucking quiet I forgot you were here.”

“Yeah, that joke never gets old.”

“Hey, I’m a dad. I’m allowed to make jokes like that now.”

“Did I like what?”, you ask.

“Him spanking you. I don’t think we’ve ever done that before.”

“Hm, handcuffs and spanking. We’re becoming regular BDSM heathens.”, Eddie jokes as Steve rolls his eyes. 

“Can she answer a question, please?”, he teased.

“I don’t know. Baby, give it a try.”

When you lightly hit his chest, he captures your hand with his own and holds it to him. 

“I did. I think you liked it more though.”, you softly smile as you use your other hand to caress his chin. 

“I like anything you two do together.”, his head dips slightly as he fidgets with his fingers. Your smiles grows, realizing that’s most likely why Aurora does it. “Not just sexually either. At the school, I was watching you two dance and I just got this sense of pride, you know? You’re both funny, sexy, sarcastic, strong… like what are you doing with me?”, he chuckles under his breath. 

“May I move now?” Eddie nods, gripping your hips as your both hiss and wince at the feeling. You crawl towards Steve and without hesitation he pulls you into his arms. “This is the second time this weekend someone I love has said something that just blows my mind. What are we doing with you? Baby… what would we do without you? Ow!” You both look down to see the metalhead cleaning between your legs. “Excuse you. Can I finish being all romantic and junk?”

“I’m not stopping you.”, he chuckles. “Plus, it’s a good distraction for me so I don’t smack him on the back of the head. ‘What are you doing with me’ he asks.” Eddie shakes his head as he tosses the rag towards the hamper in the corner of the room.

“You can’t talk cause you’re the same way! I know sometimes you wonder.”

“Not with you two. Not anymore.”, he smiles as he jumps back into bed. “I DO sit back at times and wonder what these kids are doing calling ME dad.”

“Ok, we need to have a family discussion because the men in the house are saying things…”

“Oh, calm down.”, Steve grins. “You worry and think about things you shouldn’t be either. We literally just had an argument about it yesterday!”

“I’m a mom. I just want everyone to be happy.”

Eddie reaches behind him and turns off the lamp before wrapping his arms around your waist and nuzzling his face into your shoulder. “I’ve never been happier. I love you both and those kids. I can’t wait to meet this new one whenever he comes.”

“He? I’m not even pregnant yet and we’re already taking guesses.”, you giggle. 

Steve’s arm slings over you both as his other slides above your heads. Your palm reaches behind him, lightly rubbing his back like you know he likes. 

“I think we’re going to have a boy to.”

Your eyes start to become heavy as you feel the blanket fall over your skin. “Hmm… you’ll have to think of name.”

A laugh escapes his throat at the thought. “I came up with Aurora. I think Eddie should come up with the baby’s name.” The metalhead’s steady breathing told you both he was already knocked out. “Honey?”

“Hm?”

Steve places a tender kiss on your forehead as he feels your fingers behind him gradually stop moving. 

“I’ve never been happier either.”

##############

@adequate-superstar @kalinaselennespeaks @alienthingstwo

@steddieloverrr @manda-panda-monium

@decadentwombatmiracle @katie-tibo @marsupiooo

@local-stoner-bitch @steamystrangerfics @lunatictardis

@adaydreamaway08 @hazydespair @actuallyspencerreid

@moviefreak1205

@waylandmorgernsternherondal-blog @kik51199 @strngrlytn

@idkidknemore @damon-loves-pie @k-k0129

@micheledawn1975 @eddie86baby

@justmeandmymeanderingthoughts @3rriberri

@sashaphantomhive @chelebelletx @big-ope-vibes

@munsonzzgf @munsonmoonshine86

[transflynnscifo]

On Spiraling

some other thoughts I had while playing ISAT that I've been sitting on for a bit. Im not good at titling things btw. Spoilers for everything!

Act 5 is one of the most fascinating sequences in the game, as it’s the prelude to the climax of the game. Exploring the house is easily one of the most unsettling moments, the entire section with the king too… But how about prior to it? In my own experience, when Siffrin’s sprites changed, alongside with how he was interacting with the others was the bit that shocked me more. It’s due to how Siffrin was leveling up throughout the game, I had a feeling there would be a sequence where they can essentially solo the house. Except, I never considered the circumstances to how it would lead up to that. His change in demeanor for act 5, after being essentially robbed of all hope in act 4’s ending was the catalyst.

Siffrin’s despair was a natural course of action in timeloop stories. It’s a natural course of action in this story too, because of how he changes subtly throughout acts 2-4. It can be noted even in his change of dialogue, or how with the more new dialogue they can have with the family, the more dialogue becomes skippable in the next loop. The loops themselves take a very negative toll on his mental state (which likely wasn’t at its best even in act 1 and prior), but because they’re repeating so many events, that change in mental state is the only thing that’s evolving.

When you need to restart a device, or want to make sure that song you’re listening to doesn’t change into the next one, you restart it, you loop it. The symbols associated with them are circles, as they repeat the same course of action. Siffrin’s loop makes a complete circle if they reach the head housemaiden. Spirals as a shape are circular, as they follow the same flow, but continue moving into themselves, eternally. And your mental state spirals if you’re stuck in a repeat of the very thoughts that have begun destroying you.

The thing with Siffrin’s spiral is that he doesn’t think he deserves his family forgiving him for the loops and actions/thoughts that he has had throughout them. But the thing I realized when I was playing that sequence of the climax was Siffrin was unable to understand why they’re being forgiven and why they’re offered love and tenderness at their lowest, at what they would define as their worst. For that, it’s needed to really visualize how the rest of the family saw Siffrin in that very loop. None of them were aware of the loops, or that Siffrin’s breaking point was a gradual buildup of the dozens or hundreds of loops being done. From their perspective, their friend suddenly acted abruptly out of the ordinary, said hurtful things, and then never showed up for dinner or sleep. The next thing they all knew, Siffrin had gone on a suicide mission through the house alone, without knowing if Siffrin’s able to make the journey alone. Remember how in earlier loops, having all of the party alive was essential?

When one struggles with issues that they repress and internalize, they forget that this leaves for very little to come out externally. Oftentimes, even the closest of friends would not be able to pick up on anything being wrong to begin with. They cannot read minds, they cannot predict what’s going on because it’s not being spoken into a reality where it can be heard. And with those who struggle a lot with this, there will be moments where they repress and isolate in a breakdown, thinking the worst of themselves when doing so. When these thoughts and feelings are known to their owner, they can forget that no one else knows. And they think they’re the worst person to their loved ones, whereas the loved ones only are puzzled and worried. The thing with Siffrin not thinking he deserves the love and kindness he receives is that they forgot that to their friends, everything remained unspoken and internalized. Even though they know his family will forget if he loops, this logic is discarded when they all appear to help him.

Another thing that Siffrin didn’t seem to realize at that moment was that they were pretty much done for after facing the king and becoming stuck against Mal du Pays. Had they never showed up, what would have happened to him then…? One can only speculate. But Maribelle, Isabeau, Odile and Bonnie reaching Siffrin before any permanent external damage was done and asking for them to say what they’ve been avoiding to admit was key. Siffrin’s family reached out, instead of rejecting him entirely. Because one would want to reach out to their loved ones before it’s too late, even if they don’t understand what’s going on.

To conclude, it’s a result of the internalization of issues was the catalyst to both Siffrin’s spiral and subsequent forgiveness. In a way, you could probably even say that the loops are a representation of this internalization, especially with how no one but Siffrin (and Loop) are aware of it. However, I haven’t got much more to say on the topic as of now. I also assume it’s already been talked about…? Regardless, there’s a lot to say about all of this. Thank you for reading!

[letmeoutofthebasementt]

Hyunjin in relationships Astro pt.2

This is the second part of my other Hyunjin reading. I'm going to be so for real here, I was going to add more aspects and stuff I look into but this is already way too long. So...Yeah. Also, preferably you should start with my tarot reading here

Pt. 1

So, to start, if Hyunjin was married to his partner he'd like their marriage to be very orderly and structured. He'd want a balanced family life that's harmonious and a place where he and his family can be truly at ease. Though if he ever had kids he'd definitely struggle with laying down the law for them and probably be prone to spoiling them rotten, so his partner would have to be the authoritative figure.

He's very responsible and practical in matters of the heart, all things considered. At first when he falls it's a steady, controlled love before it very quickly consumes his entire being because that's how he is.

His love is definitely the type that flip-flops. It could go from calm, fluffy romance to (Tell me why I was about to put Kevin Gates...Never that) this passionate, fiery, sensual kind of romance.

He could be prone to...Abusing his natural sexuality? Like he'll use...Intimacy to get out of situations or gain what he wants. Like (I'm trying to keep this PG13 so bear with me here and I really don't know if I used the right bear but it's like 3:00 AM and I can't be assed to check) for example, him and his partner have a disagreement about something so he uses his...Body against them? Like next thing you know you're rolling around in the sheets unable to think straight and he's like "So yeah can we get a dog?" And naturally you say yes because you're not thinking straight because it's Hwang motherfucking Hyunjin and next thing you know you have a dog

Arguments? Minor quarrels? Jealousy? Etc. etc. Any and everything

Hyunjin 100% is the type of partner to take you on a date to the mall and something and it's almost like a mini fashion show. You'll probably walk out with arms full of new clothes.

So much in his chart revolves around either sexuality or romance. Like it's split 50/50. So.

He's most definitely the jealous type. He gets very paranoid and overthinks everything. Probably the type that doesn't introduce you to the group or his friends for a while, not because he wants to hide you but because he's scared you'll fall for one of them or vice versa, and he just overthinks everything.

I wouldn't be surprised if Hyunjin has had breakups because he cheated. LIKE, I think he's a generally loyal partner, but he's very influenced by the people around him. If they're cheating, he thinks it's okay for him to. And cheating is very normalized in Korea, ESPECIALLY via prostitution, and he has a very strong sex drive. Granted, apparently he has a very religious background which would kind of repel him from cheating? So it's a toss up.

But he's also very restless. If things are the same for too long he grows bored of it. If things are too easy for too long he grows bored of it. And then he starts to wander. And settling down in general is a task for him. And sure he should probably just break up if he notices his eye wandering, but he doesn't want to hurt you, so naturally (note my sarcasm, but this is just how I see his logic being), he just needs to keep it a secret and stay with you, right?

Then you find out.

But with Hyunjin...He could be cheating for YEARS before you find out.

Now, if he has a lot of positive influences cheating won't be something you have to worry about. And even if his eye wanders he'll probably just break up because he doesn't wish to hurt you.

And if he's genuinely in love with you you don't have to worry about him cheating either.

But do you remember how I said he's prone to be in relationships but never in love with the other party? Yeah.

He also expects impossible and unreasonable things from his partners.

He's drawn to things that are forbidden, and loves a chase in love. Not in the sense of "Oh, let's pursue this person who so obviously wants me to stop" but kind of in the sense that in love he likes someone who keeps him on his toes and makes him have to work hard for it, but not too hard. Just that little push and pull.

He'd probably try a lot of new things if he knows you like or are interested in them.

[hismercytomyjustice]

HEAR ME OUT! IMHO (as someone who has it), Pacific Rim is a fantastic depiction of what it’s like living with OCD, specifically “Pure O” OCD.

It is exactly like “chasing the RABIT,” best depicted by the scene where Mako is trapped in her childhood memory.

SOME BACKGROUND ON OCD:

“Pure O” OCD is a term used to describe OCD where a person’s compulsions are mostly mental. Like getting stuck in thought loops as opposed to something like handwashing. You have a distressing/intrusive thought and your brain jumps through hoops to deal with the fear/anxiety/shame/etc that comes along with it.

From the ICBT (Inference-Based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) model:

“A doubt is about a possibility - a thought about what 'could be' or 'might be'. Your symptoms of OCD begin with doubt. Consequences, distress and compulsions logically follow from the doubt. Without the doubt, you would remain firmly grounded in reality without any symptoms of OCD.”

Most folks get an intrusive thought and, while they might find it upsetting or out of character for them, they’re able to accept it as involuntary and more of a random brain blip. With OCD (and some other disorders), a person gets that same intrusive thought and fixates on it. They struggle to let it go, become emotionally tied to it, and experience shame and fear around it.

For example, say you have an intrusive thought of “I might have left the stove on.” Say you aren’t at home to check it. Someone without OCD might understandably worry about it, but maybe they can call a friend/family member to check or maybe they resolve to run by the house when they have a chance to make sure they turned it off.

Someone with OCD however, might spiral. They might go from “I might have left the stove on” to “What if there’s a towel on the stove?” to “the towel could catch on fire,” to “my kitchen could catch on fire,” to “my house could burn down,” to “I could lose everything in the fire,” to “and it would all be my fault.”

And with each mental leap, their anxiety/fear grows. They may not have even left the stove on, but they become convinced they did and now they’re panicking about the possible consequences of their theoretical actions. Their mind/body reacts like their house did burn down and it was all their fault.

Because this triggered such a strong emotional state, maybe next time they cook something they check the stove is off. But what if the knob wasn’t all the way in the off position? What if the burner was still hot and a towel was close by? What if they looked at the wrong knob and the one for the burner they used was actually on? So they check again. And again. And again. Because maybe if they check this time, they’ll finally have run through all the terrifying possibilities and their brain will accept that the stove is off and there’s no risk of a fire.

Meanwhile, by checking over and over again, they’re feeding into their fear and anxiety. It might make them feel better in the moment “oh good, the stove is off” but then they step away from the stove and the fear/doubt returns.

And then the cycle starts all over again the next time they use the stove.

HOW THIS PERTAINS TO PACIFIC RIM:

In Pacific Rim, Mako relives the worst moment of her entire life. She’s a child again and the kaiju is there, her parents are gone, and she’s terrified and running through the streets to try to save herself.

Raleigh realizes what’s happening. He’s a veteran jaeger pilot. He knows all about the RABIT (Random Access Brain Impulse Triggers). He knows what Mako is experiencing isn’t actually happening right now. He tries to pull her out of the spiral, but as she gets deeper into the memory, her emotions grow stronger. She KNOWS she’s not a child anymore. She KNOWS she’s in a jaeger. She KNOWS the kaiju of her past is dead and can’t hurt her anymore.

But none of that matters. She’s stuck in the spiral anyway.

In this case, the deeper she’s pulled down, the more evident her terror becomes because now her emotions are pouring into the jaeger. She doesn’t mean to, but she readies one of its weapons in her desperation to protect herself.

Pandemonium erupts. Everyone’s ordered to evacuate to minimize the inevitable damage the weapon will cause. No one can reach Mako. She’s too deep in the memory.

Even as others flee, Pentecost, Herc, Tendo, and Chuck struggle to manually shutdown power to the jaeger. They only manage it by the skin of their teeth because of how strong Mako’s connection to her memory is.

The memory is like an intrusive thought Mako can’t let go of, the anxiety and fear generated by it fueling her deeper descent into the memory. Everyone else knows it’s not real. Deep down, Mako knows it’s not real. But the emotions tied to the memory in that moment convince her otherwise. While Raleigh doesn’t get sucked into the memory too, we still see him reacting to it because it feels so real.

They finally manage to power down the jaeger and Mako escapes from the memory. In the aftermath she’s ashamed and embarrassed. Pentecost told her something like this might happen and it did.

Even worse, Mako’s always wanted the opportunity to avenge her family and put a stop to the destruction the kaiju have wrought on so many lives. She knew this could happen going in, but it happened anyway!

She relived the worst moment of her life, spectacularly failed in front of people she respects and cares about, nearly killed those same people, and she disappointed herself and Pentecost. She’s spent years trying to convince him to let her become a pilot and fuck, it turns out he was right all along, despite her training, her dedication, and her superior skills.

Now Raleigh is going to need a new partner. They don’t have time for this! The kaiju are coming! They’re humanity’s last hope! How can she face any of these people after almost accidentally killing them? Why couldn’t she stop chasing the RABIT? She knew it was just a memory! What is wrong with her that she couldn’t do this one thing she’s dreamed about and vied for her whole life? How can people like Chuck or Raleigh do this but she can’t?

Just because she’s no longer trapped in the memory, doesn’t mean it and the distress she experienced because of it haven’t had a ripple effect. Yeah, the ripples are less powerful now that she’s not in the epicenter of it all, but they’re still there.

BRINGING IT ALL TOGETHER:

The memory in Mako’s case is the trigger/intrusive thought. She has a visceral reaction to it in the moment, but even after she escapes from it she’s not automatically fine.

That’s what is so fucking frustrating about OCD. You can sit there all day and think “the stove isn’t on, this is just my OCD” but it doesn’t magically make your OCD go away. Learning to live with OCD is learning to identify these thoughts spirals and preventing lapses from becoming relapses.

A lapse could be “I might have left the stove on” and worrying briefly bit about it before realizing it’s an OCD thought and defusing it, but a relapse is the full blown anxiety trip detailed above that ends in “my house is going to burn down.”

Lapses are scary. It’s so easy to have one and immediately think “oh fuck, oh no, the OCD is back,” but it’s not necessarily true. You can get OCD into a state of remission, even if you can’t get rid of it completely. It’s also incredibly easy to beat yourself up over a lapse or a trigger. Yeah, in the moment you feel like you’re being chased by a kaiju, but then you snap out of the memory and you’re embarrassed and frustrated and scared.

“Why doesn’t anyone else struggle with this,” “what’s wrong with me,” “I didn’t even fucking leave the stove on,” “if anyone knew how upset I was about this, they’d think I was pathetic/stupid/overreacting/being ridiculous,” and so on.

OCD thrives on fear and doubt and shame. Avoiding intrusive thoughts makes it worse by increasing fear/anxiety around them and ruminating on intrusive thoughts makes it worse by further feeding into the obsession.

But the good news is your life doesn’t have to revolve around your OCD! There’s a lot out there that can help like support groups, therapy (specifically Exposure Therapy and Inference-Based CBT), and medications (like antidepressants).

Something that really stood out to me from the OCD Conference I attended this weekend was this quote from the Strategies for Sustained Recovery From OCD panel.

“OCD should not just be about symptom reduction, but about reclaiming your life and finding genuine joy and fulfillment. The primary reason to persevere through the hard work of treatment is to make your life more fun, meaningful, and worth living. Identify activities, hobbies, and relationships that you find deeply rewarding and that bring a sense of purpose beyond just managing your OCD.”

So, yeah, I just wanted to share what it’s like living with OCD and also wanted to give a little hope to others who might have it or have friends/loved ones who do. It fucking sucks, but if you equip yourself with the right tools it can make it a lot easier to live with. It can take most folks over a decade to get diagnosed with OCD and get proper treatment. There’s a lot of factors at play in that regard like recognizing OCD in the first place, access to care, costs for care, shame and embarrassment, etc.

Hell, it took me ~34 years to realize I had it and I was lucky enough to have three therapists tell me they saw the signs! I’m only just now starting to really learn about it, how it impacts my life, and how to live with it.

Just know you’re not alone and that it can get better! I’m definitely not in remission, but I’m working toward it! And I hope if you’ve read this far and resonate with all this, that you’re on your way to remission too!

[wordsarelife]

could i get prompt 13 and 14 with george x fem!reader

—mirrorball

pairing: george x reader

summary: george is struggling, but able to tell the reader what’s been going on with him

warnings: none

prompts: are bold

George was sitting in the living room of portland row, working on a crossword puzzle

"hey" you greeted, as you sat down next to him. "how are you?"

"I'm good, why'd you ask?" he didn't even look up from his writing.

"you have been quiet these past few days, I'm worried. I mean you would tell me if anything was wrong, right?" George nodded absently "sure" his voice sounded drained and you weren't even sure of he had listened to you.

"George" you dragged out his name and poked his side with your fingers "speak with me, please"

"what do you want to hear?" he sounded tired, and you regretted your playful manner to treat the situation.

"I want to hear, what you have to say" you answered, honestly and serious "I want you to tell me what's bothering you, so I can get rid of it"

"I don't think you could get rid of Lockwood and Lucy" he breathed, writing down the word 'attention', before he looked up at you for the first time. "that'd be illegal. because that's murder"

"ehh" you made, unsure what to answer "Lockwood and Lucy are what's bothering you?"

"no, not particularly them. its just, they leave me out of the stuff most of the time, I"ve gotten used to it by now, but still"

"oh George" you smiled sadly "you could've told me sooner. do you have the feeling I leave you out of stuff too?"

he shrugged "sometimes, but I know you don't do it on purpose, just like they don't"

you heart nearly broke upon hearing his words and tears welled up in your eyes. "I wish I had known, George. i'm so sorry" you squeezed his hand

he shrugged again. "most of the time I don't mind. but sometimes I feel lonely" he paused "i've tried to keep up, change those things about myself that differentiate myself from you three. be more reckless like Lockwood, brave like Lucy and adventurous like you, but it just isn't as easy as I thought it would be"

he looked up to you once again and a single tear escaped his eye. "I thought if I changed, I would fit in better"

"you fit in just right" you assured

"I don't know" George shook his head "back when Lockwood founded the agency he only had me, and he needed me. but now, he has Lucy and you and you can do what I could and even more, you're smart and you're good at fighting ghosts. I lack the second quality" he shrugged with a half smile on his face "no one would care if I suddenly disappeared"

you shook your head, tears screaming down your face "I would"

George's words broke your heart. not only how he felt, but that he come to a conclusion where he found it absolutely logical that he wasn't needed. that he didn't fit in and would never. you knew about his family. the brothers that had, in his eyes, achieved so much more than him. you had hoped that it would be different for him here. he was needed and loved and he was a part of this.

"please stop acting like there's no one that cares about you. because that's simply not true" you shook your head as hard as you could "we love you so much George, and we need you. not just on the team, but as our friend, our family"

"I don't know, y/n"

"it breaks my heart hearing you say those things, they're far from true. but we can work on it, George, I promise. whatever will make you feel better. we won't let you go, you're not disposable you're needed and loved and I'm sorry we made you feel like you aren't. I will make personally sure, that'll never happen again, okay? but please in the future, just tell us how you feel. we are a family and we care about you"

George nodded and for the first time, it seemed like you had woken him out of his trance.

"thank you" he smiled softly, squeezing your hand

you engulfed him in a hug, plastering kisses onto his cheeks and you could hear him giggle "I wouldn't know what to do without you" you assured.

"I'm glad you don't have to think about it" he joked and you squeezed him even harder.

[highfantasy-soul]

NATLA Episode 6 - Masks (5/5)

[Masterlist of my NATLA thoughts]

An explanation of what I'm doing here and my history with ATLA.

Of course, full spoilers ahead.

<previous/next>

After Zuko's painful flashback, we get the animated series' convo between Aang and Zuko from the Blue Spirit episode - I like closing with this bit as it has built naturally from the conversation earlier. Instead of Aang just randomly telling Zuko he thinks they could have been friends out of the blue, he's built a connection with Zuko - they've humanized themselves to each other, so the comment about friendship actually makes sense.

I think the live-action did a really good job taking great concepts from the animated series and fleshing them out to make them more organic rather than a blunt 'here's the lesson, kids' thesis statement that comes out of the blue and you just need to take on faith because it's a kid's show and you just accept the leap of logic for the sake of the story (Katara claiming she's Aang's 'family' in episode 3 of the animated series vs her telling him that at the end of the live-action season after they've, you know, actually built a familial foundation with each other).

And just like the animated series, Zuko can't take the compassion, the kindness, the nudging toward a softer future, and just blasts with his firebending, pushing Aang away. He knows it won't really hurt Aang, it's not actually a strike to incapacitate, it's a blow to ward off any sign of weakness or 'humanity'.

The follow-up flashback with Ozai talking to Zuko as he's 'recovering' was such a good addition. Ozai GENUINELY believes he's doing a good thing for his son. He GENUINELY thinks he's helping. Again, I love the complexity they're giving Ozai and Zuko's relationship where there actually IS a chance that Zuko could get in his father's good graces - honestly, that makes his turn to join Team Avatar that much more impactful. It's not a 'well I was never going to get the approval from my father anyways' decision, it truly was a 'I could have had it all, but it wasn't right'.

To me, that's what made the OG redemption arc so good: Zuko DID choose to 'get everything he ever wanted' and turned away after he was secure in that - but there was still that little lingering knowledge that Ozai really never would actually accept him - it was all a ploy. The live-action strengthened that thread with making it so that Ozai really could accept him - it's a real thing Zuko would be giving up rather than a shallow imitation of 'acceptance' the animation gave Ozai and Zuko.

Ozai insisting that Zuko needs to be able to give up the weak in order to preserve the strong is such an interesting beat to keep hammering home with Ozai and his world view. He's obsessed with his own version of 'strength' and I honestly think there's a lot of trauma for him around that idea. When Zuko argues that the weak can become strong, I think that it actually shakes Ozai, that's why he lashes out in anger at that comment - just like Zuko does when Aang tells him that he can be better than what the fire nation is right now. Ozai mentions Zuko's mom and I think it terrifies him, the idea that the 'weak' can become strong - I think Ozai has been taught that either you're strong or you're weak, it's innate and unchangeable. He can't imagine he's created a weak child, so Zuko MUST be naturally strong, he's just been too sheltered so it hasn't been able to come out yet.

The idea that what Ozai thought was fundamental could actually change I think shifts Ozai's entire world view. If he accepts that, then it would mean all his 'sacrificing of the weak' would have been incorrect even by his own logic - and I think it could tie back to Ursa, his wife, as well. I hope we get more on her and Ozai's actual dynamic in season 2 as it was something I felt was lacking from the OG show. Ozai, I believe is struggling as to where, actually, to place Ursa on his 'weak' or 'strong' hierarchy and it's destabilizing to him. He has to keep up the idea that the strong are strong the weak are weak and it's just the natural order of the world that the fire nation is on top - because it means they're inherently strong and that cannot change.

AAAHHHHHHH the 41st reveal!!!!!!!!! Just, the genius of that move - the layers, the angst, the connection Zuko and the crew now naturally have - it's just so good. Zuko is surrounded by evidence reminding him of the biggest failure in his father's eyes - the reason he was punished right before him. Of course he's going to harbor resentment, then extra anger when they don't treat him with respect due to his resenting them. Of course he's going to have so many conflicting feelings about being surrounded by the people whose lives he saved - at the cost of his home, his dignity, and his father's love.

He didn't intentionally set out to sacrifice all that to save their lives, but his actions led to that outcome anyways and I think that's such an interesting take to have on a 'sacrifice to save lives' story. Zuko was just doing what he thought was right. He was trying to save people, and he took his actions not having a clue what it would cost him. It's not a cut and dry - I saw something bad happening and willingly took the consequence to save them, it's much more complex than that - a complex story where the one who unwittingly gave the sacrifice learns that it truly was a sacrifice and not a punishment. Someone who was forced into a 'hero' position who has to grow and change in order to fit into that hero mold their actions have already put them in. It's just a really fascinating angle to show a heroic act.

I've seen some issues about the 41st being Zuko's assigned crew, so I wanted to address that: I assumed that all Fire Nation military was the navy. They're an island nation and every single Fire Nation military group we see are on or from ships - and we see presumably the same soldiers operating the ship as we do on the war rhinos when they come ashore. So I didn't think it was odd at all that the battalion that was about to be sacrificed in a land assault was also the one running the ship. I also don't think it 'cheapens' Zuko's sacrifice or makes it so that it was a…idk, story choice that said 'see, it's justified what all happened'. Definitely didn't see Ozai's convo with Zuko after being burned as the writers saying 'see, all this is justified and we should see good logic in Ozai's choice here' - it was very clearly still framed as bad? Yeah, Ozai thinks he's doing the right thing, but like, media literacy y'all.

Ugh, Lieutenant Jee and the rest of the crew showing Zuko the respect a crown prince would usually get right after one of Zuko's greatest 'failures' of a mission. Zuko is confused at Aang's compassion toward him, angry that he's poking holes in his world view, and crawling back on board after having lost the Avatar once again - and being greeted with love and care and respect. "Our prince has returned" - It's not the home Zuko thinks he needs to return to, but it IS the home he and the crew have made for themselves over the past 3 years. It's a place he's being welcomed back to while he's still thinking the goal is to get back to the fire nation. Such a good message that unfortunately, Zuko doesn't see quite yet, but each little step in the right direction counts.

Again, linking the ending monologue back to EVERY character in the show - this time the narrative having drawn so many parallels to how Zuko retains his mask and then showing how his father reacts the same way - showing that Ozai is wearing a mask too, just one that's been welded onto him through many more years. This was truly Zuko's episode - and it's his mask that needs to slip the most - or rather, for him to realize that the Blue Spirit that saved Aang and connected with him wasn't the mask at all, but rather what could be his true face.

I really, really liked the alterations from the animated series they did in this episode. Yes, having Zuko fight his father in the Agni Kai was a HUGE change, having his father be more than a cold and distant disapproving figure was VERY different, but I think this is what the showrunners meant when they said they were taking a more 'mature' and 'GOT' tone with this adaptation: they were adding depth and nuance to the 'villains' and making them more grounded in reality than the heightened villainy of the animated series. Older kids (and adults) can handle seeing a villain have complex interactions - they can understand that even though Ozai BELIEVES he's doing the right thing by Zuko, that he ISN'T ACTUALLY (ok, some of us can see that, others seem to think the show was saying Ozai is good, actually but that's an issue with them and their media literacy, not with the writing of the show that expects the audience to have critical thinking skills).

Anyways, it was a fantastic episode and has provided much content for my essay about live-action Ozai that I'm writing.

[sunlightbender]

A Somewhat Scathing Barbie Review (from a Barbie lover)

SPOILER WARNING FOR THE BARBIE MOVIE

Okay, okay, PLEASE don’t skin me alive for saying this, but I thought the Barbie movie was mid at best. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t terrible, but I’ve been seeing people all over the internet praise it as the greatest cinematic masterpiece of our generation and it’s just... not.

As a positive opening, here’s what I liked:

Set design

Costuming

Acting

(Controversially) The narrator

The music

It’s obviously a gorgeous movie. It’s got so many references to actual Barbie sets and outfits, and as a Barbie fan it’s so much fun to see real people in replicas of Barbie clothes. It’s also super funny, and the music is really enjoyable. With so many positives, it might seem odd that this is titled as a scathing review, but for me, the most important factor in any movie is the story, and well... Barbie’s kind of sucks.

Look, I don’t want to ruin anyone’s perspective on a movie they enjoyed so I’d suggest stopping here if you really liked it. 

The storyline was so heavily lacking. My first biggest qualm: this movie isn’t feminist, it’s sexist, dressed up in feminist frills. Disclaimer: I’m a feminist, hardcore, my family teases me about it all the time. From the very opening of the movie, where they mention that the Barbies see themselves as having made a feminist impact in the world, implying that Barbie as a brand HASN’T done that... eugh. Sasha’s opinion on Barbie is very heavily hinted to be the ‘correct’ one, where Barbie hasn’t positively impacted real women. Gloria’s suggestion at the end, to make an ‘ordinary’ Barbie backs this up - the energy of “We need a realistic Barbie, not the silly, pretty, blonde bimbos of the past”, if you will. 

Let me state this: Barbie is, and has always been, a feminist. Barbie has represented strong women for ages. Barbie, in her pink and glittery glory, has had hundreds of careers, dozens of friends, is loved by all, lives life on her own terms, and has Ken as an accessory. She’s gorgeous and fun and smart and powerful and capable. She has ALWAYS been feminist, and any girl who grew up with Barbies will tell you that playing with them has only helped them imagine “what if I could be-”, in the best possible way. As a woman in STEM, I remember playing with Barbies as a kid, and knowing that I could really do anything, because Barbie could too. 

To build onto this, Gloria’s suggestion that an ‘ordinary’ Barbie be made is ridiculous - I’ve always viewed most Barbies as ‘normal’ people! Are they incredible? Of course! But they’re normal people - that’s the whole POINT of Barbie - she can be anything, she can do anything, she’s incredible because women as a whole can be anything, do anything, and are incredible. To have an ‘ordinary’ Barbie that women can relate to is to imply that ordinary women aren’t capable of being vets, engineers, lawyers, environmentalists, businesswomen, etc. It’s almost as if the movie struggles to differentiate Barbie, the brand, from Barbie, the character. Can any one person have 200+ jobs? No, of course not, but Barbie, the character, has NOT done all of those - it’s just all different fields that Barbie could be capable of - because Barbie, the brand, represents everything that women as a whole can accomplish.

Next, the Kens. Oh god, the Kens. I LOVED the start of the movie. Himbo, accessory Ken is incredible. I love him. I finally understood why straight women loved Ryan Gosling. Then he became a misogynist. Ken’s whole arc is so rushed and muddled. Ken was miserable and bitter even before things started going wrong. In the perfect Barbieland, why should Ken be bitter? It doesn’t make logical sense - before Barbieland was falling apart, you’d think the Kens would be okay with their position in the world. And if not, then is the implication that Barbieland was never perfect? That didn’t come across to me. Let’s be frank, in a perfect Barbieland, there’d either be perfect equality where nobody was upset, or everyone would be 100% okay with the inequality in the world. 

He was so obscenely sexist that the funny movie became genuinely uncomfortable to watch, and for the conclusion to be for Barbie to APOLOGIZE to him despite him stealing her house and brainwashing the country...????? And then the main issue was never even resolved - the hardcore matriarchy continues to exist - just everyone saying “I am Ken” is not going to prevent another Ken uprising, and if Barbieland is perfect, I reiterate once more, KENS DESERVE TO BE TREATED FAIRLY TOO. Also, it seems a little anti-feminist to make the Barbie movie essentially a Ken movie with Barbie crying in the back. The plot was SO Ken-heavy that it didn’t feel like a Barbie movie at all. A really feminist movie would’ve made Ken a background, barely-important character, but he runs the show.

I won’t go on and on, but it’s really uncomfortable. Including the forced almost-kiss. 

Lastly, my big qualm is that Barbie becomes a human. Come on, is humanity not over ourselves already? Why do we make everyone in movies obsessed with us? It’s not enough that aliens should want to live on earth, or that princesses should dream to be common, or that robots wish they were human, Barbie herself has to long to dress in beige and be called Barbara. It was implied that the feminist out here is that Barbie has to escape Barbieland, to become her own person, but Barbie, the idea, has already been feminist! It was important for her to be Barbie, the idea, and there’s no sense to why she should want to be human. Why can’t she stay a perfect stereotypical Barbie, another cog in the perfect, plastic Barbieland machine? What’s wrong with that?

Then, all the dropped plotlines:

Gloria and Sasha’s relationship

The CEO

Ken’s still miserable

Barbie’s impact on the women of the world

Brainwashing apparently is fixed by one cheesy speech?

I think it’s a huge case of target audience. I only realized today, three days after the early screening day when I watched it, that it was not made for Barbie fans like me, who watched every piece of Barbie media, who’ve loved the brand for years. It’s made for people who played with the dolls in the 90s, relegated it as “for kids” and were waiting for a socially acceptable excuse to watch a pink movie again.

Was it a terrible movie? No, I suppose not, but frankly, the movie was muddled, corny, bland, and everything that the movie tried to do has been done better by Barbie’s animated movies and show. If you haven’t watched them, I’d suggest starting with Big City, Big Dreams. It’s a short, easy watch about being competitive without being toxic. The Dreamhouse Adventures series also has a lot of great messages. And then, my personal favorite, the Princess and the Pauper, has an awesome message about women supporting women. Now the men in THAT movie really ARE side characters.

One final comment: Barbie doesn’t give kids eating disorders. Adults telling kids they should look like Barbie gives kids eating disorders. And if you’re blaming Barbie for that, well, please also look at Disney, which pretty exclusively has their fat characters be villains, or toxic teen movies from the early 2000s which called people at size 2s fat. Take it from a woman who’s had multiple eating disorders.

What a rant, huh? And that’s WITHOUT getting into the lack of queer rep in a movie that marketed itself as being very camp - Hari Nef aside (she was wonderful!). If you enjoyed the movie, please don’t let me ruin it. It was definitely a lot of fun, but for me, the story really broke the movie. I’ll give it a 6/10 for enjoyability, and a 4/10 for objective quality.

[positivelypositive]

Hey I've been told I'm terrible at committing to people, habits, hobbies. I want to change that. I'm stressed that I used to be able to do a lot of hobbies like music, writing, learning different skills on art but over time, I stopped. I'm in need of advice on how to get back on my groove and keep up habit to ignore everyone pressuring me not to do art or music or writing etc. I wanna do me and live my own life. How do I do that without coming to being like some insensitive person to others?

anon added this later:

Hi this is the anon earlier. I feel pressured by my parents on what I wanna do for living but at the same time I have no idea what I wanna do now. I love my parents and family but sometimes felt like I don't understand what they want from me but neither do they. I am not sure about what I want to do next, but I want to try and change to be a better person. At the same time, I'm stressed with societal pressure myself. I also feel like I couldn't succeed like everyone else and just felt like my life is a dead end where I'm gonna be forced to live with my parents for the rest of my life. Don't get me wrong, I love them but sometimes it feels so overwhelming to be around them and their expectations yknow? And I want to try living out my life one step at a time but I'm not sure where to start and how to say 'I want to live independently from them and see where it takes me' because I don't know how to say that and I don't really think it's possible. I just felt like if I live with them, I might just live the life they dictated instead of living the life I wanted and I don't really know if it's the correct thing to say here. Thank you for having this space.

hey anon,

thank you for feeling like you could share with me. and i'm sorry that you're going through this.

if i'm honest, i am actually in quite a similar situation right now. even though i got to choose what i do for a living, i have started to find that my life has been consumed by work so much that it's all there is to my life.

i have friends and hobbies and down time but all of that feels forced. i struggle with finding the will to actually put effort into the things i used to enjoy like reading, drawing, and painting.

i'm sorry for sharing my own troubles in response to yours but what i want to say is that you're not alone. there are more like us who are struggling but i think being aware of what the problem is is a big step towards solving it so we're on the correct track.

as for a solution, i have been thinking about this a lot lately and it's usually a matter of comparison and assumption that scares me. comparing my life to others and feeling left behind. and assuming that i will remain "left behind". when in reality, i have no proof or logic to back either claim.

left behind means nothing as a human. there's one life. if you're sincere and you persevere then you're doing okay. and assuming things that you don't know about is preemptive and often unnecessary pressure we put ourselves through. and for what?

i know how this is easier said than done but i know you and i can do it. let's introspect and see where we are and where we want to go. let's build an action plan to get there. i'm taking a therapist's help along the way and maybe you can too.

as for family, i love mine to bits and also live with them. you can love someone and still not like everything they do or say. look into creating boundaries. that helped me.

hope this helps and i'm sorry for my own rant in response. sending you hugs and positive vibes 💜✨

[apuckishwit]

Interlude: The Besties Conspire

A preview of chapter 28 of Rolled a 1 on the Check, Rolled a 20 on the Save on AO3

All told, living with Steve turns out to be one of the best decisions she and Vickie have ever made.

There are a few hiccups and minor squabbles of course. Going from living alone (or with just his significant other) to having three roommates is an adjustment for Steve. Despite knowing it’s a good idea that will benefit them tremendously in the long run, it is kind of a weird dynamic to be letting Steve pay the entirety of the rent and just pitch in for groceries and utilities. Logically, she knows he can well afford it and he’s doing it out of love and a desire to help pull her, Vickie, and Chrissy up into the place of financial stability his grandparents’ trust fund let him achieve…but it’s still kind of weird.

They work through it, and within a few weeks, it’s smooth sailing. Chrissy throws herself into interviewing for a teaching position in and around her hometown, with her student teaching coming to an end in another month. Robin and Vickie start talking about Vickie maybe quitting her job over the summer so she can apply for some of the internships her marketing professor talks about. It’s never been an option for them before, but it could really help Vickie land a good job when she graduates next year. Then she can support them while Robin finishes her linguistics degree. Steve starts classes and he and Chrissy often spend the evenings bent over his notes and books, going over things while he finds his stride in school again.

After about his second week of classes, it’s Chrissy who sits down with him and asks very nicely if he’s ever been tested for any learning disabilities. “You kind of remind me of some of my kids with ADD, but honestly, the way you describe things, you might just have a general processing delay. Your brain works just fine, it just takes a little longer to digest everything.”

“A few of my teachers wanted to have me tested over the years, but my parents never allowed it. I got by. I was thinking of going to student services and seeing what I’d have to do to get some kind of accommodations, but I got distracted getting registered and moving apartments and everything.”

“If you stop by the student services office and get the forms, I can help you fill them out and make an appointment for the testing. In the meantime, I really think it’d help you if you recorded your lectures instead of trying to take notes. That way, you can highlight the really important stuff as you go, and then come back for anything you missed later.”

Steve looks so stunned at the idea Robin has to laugh a little, even as her heart aches for the thought of her best friend struggling more than he had to, with parents who never cared enough about him to help.

Well fuck it, Steve’s got a whole new family now. One that absolutely will never leave him struggling by himself.

And it’s because he’s got a whole new family that will never leave him struggling, of which Robin is one of the chief parts if she does say so herself, that she and Vickie are determined to help him solve The Eddie Problem. All joking about emotional support lesbians and community bi laws aside, Steve’s her best friend. Her best friend who has made her and her girlfriend’s lives an order of magnitude less stressful, who she loves like a brother, and who she wants to see as deliriously happy with his partner as she is with hers (sue her—she’s happy and in love and she wants to spread that shit around like peanut butter on a slice of bread). And Steve seems pretty fixated on Eddie Munson, but utterly unconvinced that he has a shot.

Which is why she and Vickie are currently perched on the couch on either side of Steve, a huge plate of pulled pork loaded nachos (with the warmer weather, Steve’s cooking class has been doing barbecue lately, and it’s the best thing ever) balanced on Steve’s lap and his laptop set up on the coffee table in front of them. They’ve been watching recordings of this Eddie guy’s streams on and off for about a week now, a few hours at a time, and the number of times she and Vickie have exchanged loaded looks over Steve’s head is ludicrous.

A tilt of Vickie’s eyebrow as Eddie calls Steve some sappy pet name for the umpteenth time: Are you hearing this?

Robin presses her lips together and widens her eyes: He’s not being even remotely subtle.

Robin jerks her chin and shrugs a shoulder when Steve laughs a little too loudly at some joke Eddie’s just made: I can’t believe the dingus ever questioned if he was bi.

Vickie waggles her eyebrows: Right?

Robin sucks her cheeks in like a fish and rolls her eyes heavenward: They’ve got it so bad for each other, it’s making me physically ill.

Vickie smacks her lips and flutters her eyelashes: These nachos are incredible.

“Oh my God, they are!” Robin says out loud, prompting Steve to shoot her a confused look. Robin just ruffles his hair and stuffs another tortilla chip loaded down with pulled pork, barbecue sauce, melted cheese, red onions, and sour cream into her mouth. After a moment, Steve gets distracted by something on the stream, pausing it and rewinding it a few seconds only to listen to the same description of some guard tower in some town before letting out a triumphant hah!. He doesn’t elaborate though, and so Robin pays it no mind. She’s got bigger things to think about.

Like the fact that Eddie Munson has been heavily flirting with her best friend for literal months. Like, it’s not even “I want to get in your pants” flirting, they’re well into “I want to marry you and have your babies, shall we adopt or get a surrogate?” territory. But Steve…her dear, sweet dingus who is somehow simultaneously one of the most mature and emotionally intelligent people she knows and a completely oblivious idiot…will never believe her and Vickie if they tell him that.

She’s going to have to get creative.

She glances down into the chat window displayed at the bottom of Munson’s stream. She and Vickie both clocked the little tally game some of Munson’s regular viewers have going every time he and Steve do or say something that reveals how goddamn down bad they are for each other. And she’s also noticed that one of them in particular seems to be someone who knows Munson in real life, if the side comments he makes to the commenter on mic are anything to go by.

She looks over at her girlfriend and wrinkles her nose, slanting a look down at the chat window where Gare-Bear-Stare has just made another tally mark after Munson took actually kind of an absurdly long time describing Steve’s character’s muscles flexing as he helped heave one of the boys’ characters out of a river crossing: We should talk to this guy.

Vickie gives her a discreet thumbs-up: Absolutely.

Then she presses her hand to her bosom and swoons back against the couch: Seriously, this sauce is to die for.

“It is! I’d eat this on a floor tile!” Robin replies.

“What the hell are you two talking about?” Steve asks.

[gurugirl]

Halloween / Super Dark - BEWARE

Summary: This one shot contains the edited out parts for the ghost!Harry piece I wrote. It's a sort of behind the scenes with extra bits you didn't get to read the first time. I tried to make this as cohesive as possible so if seems anything feels out of order or is repetitive, just know I tried - these bits were pulled from the original one-shot and this is the result. 2.1k words

A/n & Warning: This is just debauchery and twisted sickness. Please do not read this if you don’t like or are bothered by descriptions of non-con smut, blood, descriptions of murder, sacrificial ritual murder, evil spirits and possession - and generally, I’d suggest not reading at all bc this is super dark and contains all the edited out parts of the Halloween One Shot that I felt were going to be too much for most readers - but for those who asked - good fucking luck 🖤☠️🖤

Note: If you're tagged in this it's because you wanted to be tagged in everything (and/or specifically asked to be tagged in my Halloween one shot) - don't feel obligated to read it or share it if you aren't into this kind of thing. It won't hurt my feelings one bit. Proceed with caution.

Harry had called on darkness in exchange for eternal life as a spirit of the night, evil and powerful enough to continue bringing harm and terror to people even in death. He didn’t care if that meant he would need to murder himself and his entire family. To spend an eternity as an evil spirit who could manipulate humans and bring their souls with him was to him, the perfect way to spend perpetuity. He just didn’t realize that the catch was that his eternity would be spent in his childhood home. He would not be able to leave the perimeter of the property.

Luckily for him, humans would still come to the house to visit the supposed evil spirits that haunted it. The house was quite the attraction. Especially during Halloween. Sometimes Harry would appear to them before killing them. Other times he’d just stop their hearts or snap their necks to make it clean. Now, if they ventured into the basement, well, that was another thing altogether and Harry wasn’t liable for the way they died at the hands of the vengeful ghosts that lived down there. Most of the time Harry would let them leave. Many people who broke into the house weren’t worth keeping around. Though, it turned out, that murdering a person and capturing their soul to keep in the house with him for all time wasn’t the best way to make friends. None of the spirits really wanted much to do with him. He had to force encounters with them if he wanted company.

It also didn’t help that Harry would occasionally have sex with his victims before killing them, or even after death once their being had turned into a spirit. They rarely consented and this usually just made them retreat further into the shadows. But how else would he get laid if he didn’t force a few people to have sex with him? He always tried to make sure they enjoyed it at least. But he did love the struggle. Humans tended to be easier to coerce than ghosts.

Harry just didn’t care. When Harry was alive, he was obsessed with murder, the dead, demonic sacrifice, sexual deviancy, and he longed to live forever. Ever since he was young there was something wrong with him. His parents couldn’t understand why he was so different from his sister and brother but Harry thinks it’s just because he was born evil. Which is why his pact with Angra was his logical next step. Angra is like the Holy Spirit, but opposite. The evil version of the Holy Spirit that would answer the call of those wanting to be filled with his presence.

Harry had killed countless stray animals and murdered four people before finally killing his family and himself on the morning of Halloween 54 years earlier. The murdering of his family and himself was a sacrifice to Angra in exchange for his eternal life. And Angra gave him exactly what he wanted, well, except for the part where he was bound to his home. But it wasn’t so bad. Harry still got what he wanted. Plenty of humans came his way with whom he could do as he pleased.

However, Harry did become lonely. He longed for a little companionship. Someone who wouldn’t be able to hide from him. Someone that would be his. So he began the ritual of calling on an eternal mate. He didn’t know who Angra would choose for him but he knew to trust Angra no matter what.

And when she arrived to his home the evening before Halloween it was perfect. Harry knew she was the one Angra had sent. A beautiful young woman, someone who would be dearly missed by loved ones. She was perfect.

He watched her look around the house, set up a small area to sit and perhaps sleep the night. He stood behind her as she took a picture of herself. He found it curious that she snacked on crackers and read a book. Normally people entering the house would search through everything until they got spooked enough to leave. Usually they were free to go but often enough Harry would take their life, or lure them into his bed and then take their life.

But she sat on cushions and read a book on the eve of Halloween. A curious girl, he thought. And when she pulled out her dildo (which she sadly never got to use that night) and turned on a porno he felt himself draw closer. She was more than perfect. Coming to a haunted house to masturbate, when most would already be running for the hills (or try to).

He watched her remove her pants and listened to her soft moans and when she removed her panties Harry could no longer wait to make contact.

When he appeared in his physical form, startling her, he noted right away her hesitance to run away from him. She waited a moment longer than was normal. She found him alluring as well and Harry was so excited to get her into his bed and make her his for all time.

The chase was more for Harry’s amusement than anything. He enjoyed watching her struggle and the fear that poured out of her essence fed his spirit and he was able to use that to take control of her. She wasn’t that hard. She didn’t put up much of a fight if he’s honest. And the way she so easily let him put his tongue on her pussy made him even stronger. Her humanity was slowly seeping away and his spirit dined on hers. The more he drank her down, the more her life force slipped into the ether.

The ritual of creating an eternal mate consisted of more than just murder. It was required that the ghost come inside of her during sex. That the death of the sacrifice happen on the anniversary of his own death.

The spirit would need the blood of the sacrifice in his system and then as the sacrifice was breathing her last breath, his essence would be released into hers. He bit her twice and ingested her blood, once on the neck and once on her labia. After her death he used the broken skin on her neck to drink more and to secure her strength into his soul.

The blood of the sacrifice would enter the spirit’s ghostly body and allow the ritual to commence. She had no choice. He had called to her. He didn’t know who Angra would choose, but he was quite happy with the selection.

She was soft and warm. Her throat was delicate around his thick cock and he held himself back from choking her to death on his length. He knew he needed to follow protocol so he had to pull her off of him before he got carried away. Maybe he'd try that with a different human another time, one that would be fed to the spirits below the house after he was done.

And when he finally impaled the tender flesh of her cunt with his engorged cock he knew she was his then. His purposeful plunge was sharp and painful. He needed his cockhead to get as deep inside of her as possible. He wanted to punch into her cervix and damage her insides. But just a little. Only because he was absolutely depraved and loved the idea of fucking her as she was in pain but also making her moan with the feel of his cock splitting her down the middle and bruising her insides.

And she liked it, so he went harder and increased the pressure on her neck. Her lovely cries and attempts at gasps for air made him smile. She couldn't get enough oxygen to her lungs but it only intensified her pleasure. Sure she felt the ache and they way her insides were being wrecked and torn, but she was going to come around his big dick because he was rubbing into everything inside of her walls that mattered, stuffing her full of himself, all the while, pressing into her clit at each stiff thrust.

Her slick walls were coating his long dick and when he backed away just enough to get a look at himself submerging into her he saw the blood from her labia, and probably blood from her insides getting rearranged. He was large, and especially as a ghost he could outdo any living being in size and stamina. He dipped back in and grunted at the sight of her pussy lips parting, red and swollen, aching, dripping. The sound of slick around his dick and the creak of the old box spring underneath could be heard throughout the house.

When she began to clench around him and tremble, her eyes rolled into the back of her head. Her lips had began to turn purple from the lack of oxygen and she came around his dick in a gushing burst. She couldn't cry out or moan like she normally would from such an intense orgasm, not with Harry choking her, crushing her throat. But she cracked a smile as her mouth hung open in ecstasy. She was done for.

Harry moaned at the feeling of his cock getting squeezed as she pulsed in her orgasm. Her tight hole getting utterly destroyed by his cock hammering away into her. And when she stilled as her life began to falter, he could no longer hold back from pouring himself into her. The time had come.

When he released himself into her as he held her down by the neck and drew her life into his being she rattled and grunted her last breath just as her orgasm was completed.

And now she was his. She would wake in her new form and be confused at first, which was normal, but this time, she would realize she belonged to him and she’d make a good companion.

As was always the case after taking a human’s life, there was the obligatory cleanup. The basement was where all the human remains and leftover items were hidden. Behind a damp wall, in the dark, so the other spirits could nourish themselves on human flesh. It would only take a few days, but all that would be left of her would be bones and hair.

The dark, bricked basement was a place of chaos. Harry didn’t need to worry for himself going down there. Spirits would flee once they realized he was descending the stairs. They’d hide in walls and corners, behind beams and columns. It was the living that needed to be concerned.

Sometimes a person would sneak into the house and make the unfortunate decision to go into the basement. Harry could not be responsible for what happened to any being that chose to go down there. He let them do as they pleased in the basement, as a way to have some control, seeing that the whole house was Harry’s domain. The souls he took over the years had little say or freewill, except when it came to haunting the basement. A soul that was brutally murdered in life tends to be very angry in death. So the sprits that dwelled below the house were out for revenge. Destruction.

Putting her lifeless body into the wall, Harry turned to see only a few souls peeking out of their hiding spots, “Her body is all yours. Her soul is mine, though, and she’ll be with me on the upper levels once she is reborn.”

Harry set up her pallet and placed her necklace down on the spot he found her. Now it would only take a day for her spirit to come back to him. He couldn’t wait for her to be his once and for all.

~~

Waking up, she felt off. Felt a bit spacy. The house looked different to her but her rational sense told her that she was just waking from a deep sleep. Her attempt to leave the house was unsuccessful. She immediately looked for another way to leave but deep down she knew something else was at play. And when she saw him her spirit knew she belonged to him.

She was a ghost like him. A spirit that would dwell in this house for eternity, bonded to Harry and forever his companion. Her sudden trust and understanding went beyond her own logic. But she accepted her fate to be with the man who called for her soul and desired her presence with him. The pair sunk into the shadows of the house together and haunted the living that came into their domain. Y/n and Harry would now work as a team and anyone that entered would be lucky to exit with their life.

If you made it this far and enjoyed - you're a trooper. Thank you for sticking with it. Happy Halloween!

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[heartlandians]

Exclusive Interview: Spencer Lord Discusses the Mystery Around His Character in Heartland, Teases Family Law Season 3, and More

Spencer Lord is one of the industry’s most exciting new voices. After leaving a career in the corporate world behind, Spencer dove headfirst into acting and has gone on to land coveted roles in projects, including Riverdale, The Good Doctor, and Family Law. It’s his vulnerability, subtlety, and emotional depth that have captured the hearts of audiences around the world.

Currently, Spencer can be seen starring in the latest installment of Heartland. In Season 17, Amy (Amber Marshall) and the rest of the Heartland family know better than most that while dreams can sometimes come true, more often life takes us in unexpected directions. Spencer shines as Nathan Pryce Jr., a mysterious character who rolls back into town and holds a special place in Amy’s heart.

Pop Culturalist was fortunate enough to speak with Spencer about Heartland, bringing the many facets of Nathan to life, the upcoming season of Family Law, and more.

PC: You graduated with a mechanical engineering degree and worked as a project manager. What ultimately led to the transition to your work as an actor? How challenging was that pivot? Spencer: I went to university because it was the next “logical step” and pursued a technical degree because I was always praised for my aptitude in science. When I entered the workforce, I think I started to be more honest with myself. I was unhappy, sometimes severely depressed, and eventually realized I needed a huge change if I was going to feel whole. That’s what I know now. At the time, it was just, “I hate this job, I want to love what I do.” So, I started going to scene study classes, got some work at a restaurant, and quit my desk job.

In some moments, I thought I might be an idiot, giving up a steady gig for something as fickle as a career in acting, but I never once second-guessed myself. And I immediately fell in love with it. I love venturing out and trying new things, not knowing what’s next—like wading through water in the dark. And I get bored easily, so the irregularity of this industry ironically soothes some of my deepest anxieties. In a lot of ways, the pivot from desk job to struggling actor was the easiest decision I’ve ever made.

PC: Who or what has had the biggest influence on your career? Spencer: I could bore the hell out of anyone reading this and write a ten-page essay about the people, places, and things that have influenced me along the way. But I think I can boil it down simply to community.

My sense of community has grown and flowered into one of the most beautiful aspects of my life. I’m so, so lucky to find myself among a group of friends who care deeply for one another and inspire each other in myriad ways.

PC: You’ve had a lot of success already in your young career. When you look back, is there a particular moment that stands out? Spencer: The first class, signing with the first agent, being dumped by the first agent, signing with the agent I should have been with all along, the first booking, being on set for the first time (and every time), working with some truly lovely people along the way… I could go on, but it’s all been a sort of fantastic magical mystery ride, and I’m always just doing my best to appreciate every moment of it all.

Most recently, I got to work in the foothills of the Rockies, riding horses around on vast swathes of ranch land in Alberta. That was pretty damn cool.

PC: You recently joined the cast of Heartland. What can fans expect from Nathan? What was it about this particular character and series that resonated with you? Spencer: Mystery is starting to become a theme here because that’s one word that I would use to describe Nathan. But the mystery is really born from a damaged sense of belonging that he feels coming back to a community he was forced to leave after his parents separated.

I was raised by my mother as well after my parents separated and my dad moved away. As a boy, I idolized my father. Later on, as a man, I realized that I hadn’t really discovered who I was because I had modeled myself after someone who simply wasn’t me. I think Nathan is experiencing something similar. Having to step into his father’s shoes with regard to the ranching business while retaining his unique personality and autonomy is his challenge, all while bearing his father’s name.

Shirking the expectations of our parents ain’t always easy, and Nathan feels that.

PC: Your character finds himself returning to a town that he left several years prior, and it isn’t well-received by all, a situation you’re bringing much depth and nuance to. As an actor, how did you create the space for yourself to tackle the journey that Nathan finds himself on and shedding those walls? Spencer: What a compliment. Thank you. I must say, I found the writing did most of the work over the course of the season. Mark Haroun, the showrunner, really wanted Nathan to have a real rawness to him. He did a beautiful job slowly revealing Nathan’s character in a way that felt natural. All I had to do was, as you say, create space and say the words.

That’s always our job as actors. We’re blessed with words on a page which, if we’re open to receiving them, inspire us to action. I’m always trying to be more open and create space for spontaneity, in my work and in my life. As for how I do that, I’m not sure. Self-discovery for sure. Curiosity. A lil’ dash of yearning for adventure. In the end, it’s all a big… you guessed it. Mystery.

PC: This series is built on the relationships among the characters. Which was your favorite to explore this season and why? Spencer: This might be the obvious answer, but Amy and Nathan’s interplay pulled me right in. I appreciated the chance to explore a friendship that grows through adversity, has highs and lows, and isn’t just a simple “I like you, you like me, let’s be best buds.”

Nathan is emotionally stunted by a tumultuous upbringing, reintegrating into a community he was forced to leave behind and taking control of his dad’s ranch. Amy’s family runs a competing ranch, and her father and grandfather don’t care for Nathan’s business tactics, but she shows Nathan kindness in spite of her family’s jaded opinions of him. To me, these are very interesting circumstances.

These are the nuances and complexities that bring the characters closer to life, and that is my jam.

PC: Season 3 of Family Law will be released on the CW on January 17, 2024. Congratulations, by the way! What are you most excited for fans to see with regard to Aiden? Spencer: Thank you! I think the fans will get to see a softer side of Aiden, and a little more of an idea about why he’s so attracted to Abby.

PC: Playing Aiden is the longest you’ve lived with a character. Has anything about the experience surprised you? What has been the biggest takeaway thus far? Spencer: I take things as they come, and so far with Aiden, that’s been a pretty great experience. I think the biggest takeaway so far has been to allow that to happen, taking things as they come. The world of TV can change so fast, and when you sometimes have very little time to digest the material, the most you can hope for is a story that is exciting and dynamic, and that flows through you with ease. Susin Nielsen, our showrunner, and her team of writers, thread that needle so wonderfully. I’m very grateful to work with them to bring Aiden to life.

To keep up with Spencer, follow him on Instagram.

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[northwest-cryptid]

Something I don't often speak up about is that I suffer from very severe paranoia. I genuinely hate it, my logical brain and my emotional brain are constantly at odds. The times I've been wronged it's easy to reinforce the bias as a sort of "see I told you!" It's hell to say the least.

I feel like a lot of the time in media paranoia is sort of treated as this "always watching your back" with your eyes darting from one person to the next constantly anxious of everyone. I know it very well can be that, but in my personal experience with it; it's not so noticeably pronounced like that. It's far more like a voice in the back of your head constantly asking you "are you sure about that?" It doesn't feel malicious, it feels like it's concerned for you.

To put things into perspective, I was raised in a cult; I can't say for certain whether or not everyone reading this has had first hand experience with a real cult. So to give you an idea of how hellish this was, consider that I was once taken to breakfast. A normal family outing; except it wasn't. It was a chance to train me on the ideology I must follow if I wish to survive. I was seated so I could watch the door, I was almost immediately asked "a man walks through the door with a gun, where do we leave through?" This was a trick question, there was no right answer; because I was to understand that I had failed if I let the man with a gun walk through the door before I had left the building.

The waitress came to the table and took our order, I was then asked how tall she was, what color were her shoes, did she tie her apron in the front or the back, what color was her hair; if she was to pull a gun which hand would she use? I was probably around 8 at the time. You likely believe this is hell for an 8 year old, but it's worse when you understand this wasn't the first time. This wouldn't be the last time either. We'd be out at the store, shopping for dinner; and I'd be asked what the random man who passed us was wearing. I'd be out on a walk and asked whether or not the man on the phone across the street was right or left handed.

I learned from an early age not to ask why this information would matter, it of course mattered; because everyone was out to get me. Every single person in the world was to be seen as a threat, as someone who wished me harm; as someone who wanted me dead. I was not allotted privacy at all, if I was conversing with people online it was suspected that I could be developing thoughts of my own as to how the world outside of the cult actually worked.

Now I've managed to distance myself, yet the ideology that was conditioned into me is still very much there. I befriend someone, they stab me in the back; and I tell myself "I should have anticipated this." Then I befriend another, but this time I keep my guard up; it makes it hard to stay friends with me for long and they leave me behind. It's hell to believe my only thought towards that is "they must not have been able to use me for what they wanted, so they moved onto another target." I don't believe these things, they're thoughts that come to me for a moment and then being pushed down by my logical thinking brain.

It's hard not to reinforce a belief that people wish me ill when I've existed so openly on the internet for so long. The internet does not allow for someone to make a mistake and learn from it. When someone screws up they're called out, posts are made about them; they are to be witch hunted until they have no standing within their social circle and must find another. This has happened to me several times. Sometimes I'm able to learn from it, sometimes I'm not; it depends greatly on the situation and whether or not I was actually in the wrong. There have been a great many times when I've been a victim of manipulation, deceit, and generally made to be "the bad guy." These sorts of things always make it a struggle to break free from the paranoia that grapples my mind and says "keep yourself safe, don't trust anyone; everyone wishes you harm!" I know that's not true, there's good people out there; I know there's good people out there.

However the truth is this only means I put trust in those I already know can be trusted. Those who have stuck by me, given me the chance to do better; actually wished well for me. It's hard for me to meet someone new and put any level of trust in them. Meeting new people triggers a sort of anxiety response where I must analyze every word, every action; down to the way they address me or else I fear I'll stumble and be burnt for it.

Trust me when I say I don't want to live like this, but being someone who primarily exists online, it's difficult to shake the feeling that a good many people don't actually want good for me. I literally got an anon earlier asking me about my streaming, and I cannot properly explain how it was worded so nicely that I flagged it immediately as someone wishing me harm. Wanting information so they knew where to direct their attack. I went through every word of that ask, punctuation, the decision to use anon; all of it. Desperately trying to figure out if this was someone who genuinely wanted to support me or someone who wishes me harm.

I hate myself for being like that, I'd feel awful if someone read through my messages like that; and obviously it has nothing to do with the person. I literally don't even know who it is, but the fact that they ask information of me is enough to set off alarms. I've been reading, writing, and rewriting a response to that ask several times. I've been trying to find the words to explain myself, then thinking it's better not to; I don't want them to feel as though I think poorly of them; I don't. I just fear for myself, I fear people want to hurt me, I get hate every day for poor word choice or "saying the wrong thing." It's hard to believe anyone would truly want to support me, which is insane because many people do!

I still need to figure out how I plan to answer that ask, on the one hand I want to be open and transparent and give them the information they're asking for. They've not done anything wrong, they've not asked me too much; I'm just on edge because it's coming in at the same time I'm getting a lot of hate. On the other hand I fear that if I do that and it turns out they DO wish me harm, well then it's just reinforcement that yea; I'm a fuck up and everyone's out to get me and I'll get burnt one too many times for trusting people.

Of course if I ignore it, the idea that "nothing bad happened because I didn't give them the information they wanted to hurt me with!" Would be so easily reinforced, so it's a bit of a catch 22 in this case. The insane thing is, the idea that this person genuinely means well and just wants this information because they genuinely DO want to support me feels so slim that it feels like I'm taking a massive risk in giving them information I already have openly available on my blog here. I always post when I'm going live, I link to my streams a lot. It just feels odd that they ask me about if I work for a company, that they don't know I'm poor and struggling to even make money to pay the rent thanks to my disabilities. It feels like they know just enough to understand I'm a Vtuber but not anything else, that reads as suspicious to me. This is how a paranoid brain works, this is why I hate being paranoid. This person hasn't done anything wrong, this person has sent me a very nice well worded ask simply wanting information. Yet here I am hours later racking my brain for how to respond in a way that isn't rude; that doesn't show my paranoia, that doesn't make them feel like it's their fault. Because it's not their fault!

Anyways, sorry for rambling. I haven't eaten much today and I'm sure that's not helping my decision making. I'll get around to answering that ask soon.

[scarfacemarston]

Eclipse person again, and I just looked up when the next eclipse is coming and it won’t come until 2044 or something. And it’s only going over like the Dakota states only. My family’s also manipulated by trump related stuff but not as bad as it could be. These feelings resurfaced because a family memeber got to see the total eclipse and the way she described it was so fucking cool. It looks so cool, and I couldn’t even look out the window because “it’ll do something bad to you!!!1!111!!” Sorry for such bad vibes ig. I’m just really upset and I hate how no matter much I explain and talk to them about anything normal they still believe they’re barely logical thinking. Worst part is my entire family is moving to Alabama and my mom picked it bc it’s mostly white people. I just hate that the only people I know are just terrible people bc I was like 14 when Covid started and now I’m 18 and it’s had a massive effect on me but idk how to get better I guess for a lack of better words. Sorry for such a long rant I really do appreciate it even if this is the first and last time❤️

You're not bringing me down or bringing bad vibes. You're reaching out because you're hurting and that's okay. We all need someone. I'm just privileged that you chose me to talk to. The next eclipse will come when you're 38, right? Hopefully you'll be in a better spot by then. Sadly, having families not think we're logical is pretty common, especially if one member of the family has different political or life views.

That's disturbing why your family is moving, but Alabama has a lot of struggles that affect everyone, but it is certainly worse for many POC from what I've been told. I live in the South and its certainly that way for my POC friends, here. The pandemic was hard on everyone for sure. Have you tried something like bumble bff? It's an online app. It's known for being a dating app, but you can just stay in the friend section. That's what I'm trying to do. People have been recommending more discord groups to me. I personally don't know of any new ones, but if you're able to find any non toxic ones, that would be helpful.

Anyway, you're welcome on my blog so feel free to anon me anytime. That goes for anyone!