#like one second youre having a good time and then joy doesnt exist

[axelsagewrites]

Hey, how are you? Do you accept request for Otto Hightower?

I wanted something for "marrying Otto Hightower and being the younger sister of the late Queen Aemma Targaryen." Aemma's sister came to court her lost, however, things go wrong and Aemma ends up passing away and her baby also dies hours later. Otto Hightower, widower, hand of the King, with no heir (here, Otto and his first wife had no children, so Alicent was not born yet) and with the stain of his wife's terrible reputation hanging over him, Otto needs a second wife. What happens when he finds himself attracted to the late queen's sister?

Come on, it's supposed to be something light, where Otto doesn't have all that sick ambition to see his blood burning on the throne and having true friendship and loyalty towards Viserys and, of course, having sincere devotion and love for his dear wife. I hope this request reaches you well ❤️ (If I made you uncomfortable, let me know, i'm sorry)

Otto Hightower*My Honour

Pairing: otto x targ!f!reader

Word count: 1628

Warnings: mentions Aemma and her sons death, grief, praying to cope, angst

A/n: alicent doesnt exist in this one

Often times you wondered if staying in kings landing was worth it. it was here you lost your sister and nephew not to mention all the previous children she had to mourn and never hold. You had come a week prior to her labour and eventual death to help but after you felt useless. Perhaps if Rhanerya had not begged you to stay you would have left these haunted halls. After all she was only eight when her mother died.

It was hard to even walk through the halls most days. Every stone, every path, every flower a reminder of her. the sting only grew deeper when Baelon died. A son, an heir, all for what?

You could see the grief etched into Viserys’ face but that did little to comfort you. It was hard to even look at the man you previously considered like a brother. most days the only one you spoke to was Rhanerya.

If people said hello in the halls, you bowed your head and smiled and walked on. When they approached with sympathies during dinners you did the same. Very few words escaped your lips especially since each greeting was met with a sorry look from the lords and ladies who didn’t even truly know your sister enough to mourn her. You weren’t the only one to have suffered a loss recently, however.

On your near daily trips to the sept to pray for your sister, nephew, and niece, you would see Otto Hightower deep in thought. He’d come to Kings Landing with his wife a few years ago to serve Viserys however she had died only weeks earlier.

You’d met her only once and while she was kind enough, she was not the typical wife of a lord.  She tended to walk a fine line of what was acceptable at court and if the rumours and what daemon himself had told you see it was rare that her husband was the one to share her bed.

The marriage had been arranged, like they all are. You understood his position. You had tried to love your first husband though you did not cry when he fell out the moon door during a joust. Still, you mourned like Otto did. Now even more so.

This morning was like all others. You ate with Rhanerya, helped ready her for her lessons, then walked to the sept. however, as you walked something different happened. “Good morning my lady,” Otto greeted as he caught up behind you.

You jumped a little having not heard his soft footsteps. “My lord, sorry I did not see you,”

“It is quite alright. The fault is mine,” he gave a tight-lipped smile you’d seen a few times from him. “Good day my lady,”

Otto went to increase his pace, assuming your silence was a want for absence, but you found yourself no longer able to be quiet, “My lord,” you called. Otto paused, turning to listen, “Would you care to walk to the sept with me this morning?”

A small smile quirked on his lips, “It would be a joy my lady,”

Each morning from then he would join you on your way to and from the sept. at first no words were spoken. Then only a few. Never about death though. It was refreshing as selfish as it sounded. A time when you didn’t have to think of those you lost. Soon it was hard to end the conversation.

“You must ride on the back of her one time. You’ll get to see all the fun,” you laughed after recounting a story of your dragon’s adventures.

Otto laughed but you could see a little green in his skin, “No I think my feet shall remain firmly on the ground, but your offer is very kind my lady,”

As you arrived the sept a small smile found its way on your lips, “You don’t have to call me that. I have a name you know?”

“Really?” he teased, “I must’ve forgotten it,” you rolled your eyes, feigning shock and ignorance as you told him your name like it was a scandal, “What a beautiful name. much better than a name like Otto,”

“You’re so right. Only a cruel person would name their son Otto,” you teased before quickly hiding your smiles when the septas walked out.

As you were both leaving the sept Otto was inspired by your previous affection to return the same, “It may not be as exciting as a dragon but perhaps you would like to join me one night for dinner?”

You stayed silent for a moment as you walked and Otto could feel the sweat gathering on his forehead, “Would this be one of your dinners with the king and other lords or a private affair?”

“Which ever you preferred,” he said, swallowing hard.

A small smile on your lips put him at ease, “I’m free tonight,”

Soon you were laughing in the halls again. Stopping to talk to people again. Having conversations again. Viserys took joy in this, glad to finally see you back to your previous state. Though he could not help being sceptical of Otto.

He trusted him with his life, but he did not know if he could trust him with yours, “Have you seen much of my wife’s sister of late?” he asked one night after all the other lords had left the high council meeting.

Otto swallowed the lump in his throat, “No more than usual. Why my king?”

“No reason. Her condition seems much improved as of late,” he mused, watching his friend’s reaction carefully.

“Grief is a wild beast,” Otto said, revealing as little as he could.

Viserys however needed to know more, “My wife made me swear when we married. ‘if we become family then mine becomes yours and yours becomes mine’. Ever since I’ve seen her as a sister figure of sorts.”

“You’re very kind to her your grace,” Otto shifted in his chair.

Viserys sat back in his, “I’ve had a few lords ask me about her hand since her fathers and husbands passing you know?” Otto went stiff, “all arrogant, obnoxious lords, Aemma didn’t even like when she was alive,”

“She was always a good judge of character,”

“I like to think I am as well,” Otto went to speak but Viserys didn’t stop talking, “I imagine the offers will stop when the rumours spread further,”

“What rumours- “

“Please Otto I am not blind!” Viserys almost barked making Otto go still, “if your attentions are anything but pure, if you think you can use her as something to breed-“ Viserys tirade went on though if anyone else was in the room you’d see his guilt was wrapped in the speech, “then you have lost your mind. She is not something for me to sell, I wont do it, I wont let history repeat. So Otto I swear to whatever gods may exist don’t think I will not replace you,”

The room went eerily silent and was only broken after Otto painfully cleared his throat, “I would like an heir yes however,” he spoke up quickly when he saw Viserys face harden, “However it is not my main desire. I wish to marry, marry someone I care deeply for, someone who I picked and who picked me in return, and to have a child, a child as beautiful as your own daughter who I could bond with like you have. I wish for a family Viserys but only with her. and if she does not want me then I shall leave her be. I don’t wish to cause more harm,”

The hardness washed off the kings face, “If she does not want you? Have you not been courting her?”

“Not officially your grace. The topic it hasn’t came up,”

“What do you even do?”

“We talk,”

“Talk?”

“Yes. Talk,” he said, shuffling forward to gossip like they did when they were younger, “about anything and everything. About the flowers in the gardens and historical figures. Or the moon the night before or the sunrise that morning. We talk and talk and the conversation never dries up. She is charming and witty and more brilliant than any man- any person I’ve ever met,”

Viserys sat silently for a few moments, “You love her?” his words made Otto pause.

“I do. Even if she does not love me,”

“Then I think its about time you find out if she does,”

The walk around the castle gardens was only made better by Otto’s company. He listened as you told him about Rhanerya’s improvement in needle work and what you’d seen on your recent flights. However, his mind seemed to be wondering with each word. “Are you alright my lord?”

Your words snapped him from his thoughts and his mouth had never felt dryer, “May I ask you a question my lady?”

“You just did,” you teased, something he’d usually roll his eyes at, “but I will allow another,”

You expected a joust back but instead he took a deep breath making you pause in your tracks, “I was wondering if you’d attend the king’s birthday celebration with me?”

“I already told you I was going?” you said, head tilted to the side in confusion.

Otto took another deep breath. There was no going back, “I’m not asking if you are going. I’m asking if when we both attend, we attend together. As a couple if you will,” he stayed silent waiting for your response.

The blank look on your face made him panic but a small smirk slowly crept on your face, “Are you asking to court me lord Otto Hightower?”

“I suppose I am,” the smile returned to his lips.

“Then it would be my honour,”

Taglist Sign Up Here

General taglist: @strvngestark @headinfantasy @meg-ro @427120lxld @obx-josie18 @ravenmoore14 @tessakate @justtilly @jjkjbhj @clairacassidy @valeskafics @perla434 @selenestar78 @urmomsgirlfriend1 @urfavnoirette @randomstory56 @qardasngan @https-luvvia @im-the-fucking-lunar-prince @bryandechartisasmolbean @glorywielder101 @tiinkerbell @the-holy-pigeon @andreaxxx44

HotD taglist: @qardasngan @randomstory56 @sashadevil766 @idkwhatsgoingonwithme @janii-722 @hypocritic-trash-baby @cookielovesbook-akie @theninibear @thirteenth-fangirl

[4dkellysworld]

I'm early lmao. But I've been wondering, do you think affirmations can be used to quiet the mind? I'm not good at meditations and can't seem to want to do them. And I try just watching the mind throughout the day but I always lose focus and forget to watch it after like a minute. So I end up only watching the mind for less than an hour each day 😔.

Since I'm from a law of assumption background, affirmations is my strongest suit and so I want to know if that can be used too. If not, can you please recommend me some practice that I can do that doesnt involve meditation? I believe self inquiry is a meditative practice too.

You are early! I was like, I already got mail haha! Hmm I don't know about affirmation but mantras have been used in yogic practices to make the mind one-pointed, which also quiets the mind down so you could try that. Otherwise focusing on any single thing alone such as breath or sound can help calm the mind and quiet it too. Also, an hour a day isn't bad, you could keep it up and slowly it will become more natural to watch it more constantly. Don't pressure yourself!

Okay since you are used to affirmations, you can try this practice from Robert Adams (he calls it meditation but it doesn't mean you need to sit down to do it, you can do it throughout the day):

I-AM meditation - You relax your body and you inhale and you say "I," and you exhale and you say "am, I-am". You can do this while you're waking up, while you're walking, while you're washing dishes, while you're resting. What it does is it makes your mind one pointed, so it'll stop thinking. If you can practice I-am for one day, just one day, all of your troubles will be transcended. You will feel happiness you've never felt before. You will feel a peace that you never even knew existed. As you keep practicing I-am, your thoughts will become less and less. Your personal self will go into the background and you will begin to feel an inner joy, an inner bliss. You will begin to feel that it no longer matters what I am going through. It makes no difference, because it is God who is going through this, not me. And God has no problems. You automatically become happy, just by using the I-am meditation.

Here's another practice from Robert Adams since you mentioned self-inquiry. Perhaps you can try do both!

Identify as I-AM as you wake up - If you ask yourself when you go to sleep, you tell yourself, "Tomorrow morning as soon as I open my eyes I am going to identify with my source, I-am," and you will, even if for a second, it will change your life. First thing when you open your eyes, ask yourself. “Who am I?” Just put this question and see what will happen to you. You'll feel something different. But you'll have to do it every morning. Just try it and see what happens. You'll see Oneness. Keep asking yourself, “Who am I? Who am I?” when you first get up. As you keep on doing this every morning, every morning, every morning, the time between your awakening and the thought coming to you will become larger that space will expand, and expand, and expand until you are able to stay in the awareness. Of course at that time there will no longer be a "you". There will only be the awareness. Try it, you have to investigate. You have to intelligently dive deep within yourself and find the source of your I.

[jei-rifni]

@cassthecringe CASS CAS CASSS CASSSS i literally have to make an entire speech okay so.

Your fic (and many others. But mostly yours) has inspired me to do so much more than i have in a looonngg time?!q!q?? The ideas the emotion the love put into what you write is so phenomenal i cant even like. I dont know how to put it into words! I have read many books, many fics, but this one has stuck to me like a leech. It still hasn’t come off me and i hope it doesnt. I hope it eats my blood dry till im nothing but a pile of flesh and bones. Your work is incredible and the effort and time you spend on it cant be competed not compared with anything because its just so fantastic! I lack better words since English is my second language but, i hope you know that i do all this fanart of your fic because you deserve it! And i love making it too! Your passion for what you have made in years is incredibly inspiring and i wish to hopefully make a story as good as yours! I know its a fanfiction based on a story that’s already existing but the way you put your style into it, it feels so. Official? Real? It feels like it actually happened if you know what i mean! I love long reads and this has to be one of the (if not actually, the TRUE) BEST fics i have read. I love how you capture the moment with how the character thinks and feel about the world rather than what is. You make the world based on how the character sees it. While many have done this its really hard to find pleasing ones because it usually feels so odd and unrealistic, but your writing has made that feel so true in its world that i cant help but delve into what the character feels too

You deserve all the art (and honestly so much MORE!) and praise in the world for you passion for what you have made. And i hope you understand how inspired i am. And mayhaps many others too. And a very big full hearted thank you! I don’t mean to sound so formal but this is the only way i know how to show that i truly am grateful! I am jumping around the room and flapping my hands with joy! Theres a huge smile on my face and arrghhh!!!!1!!1!

I apologise i dont often respond to your tags, i read them very often, over and over again (since the first art ive made for your fic) but its very hard for me to respond since i wouldnt know what to say! And im so happy you like my art as much as i like your fic! I hope you have a wonderful time of day Cass :]

Me rn:

[chocottang]

Oh yeah I thought I'd ask: you said all the shadows are humans in that AU, with Jay being Joy's sister I believe? And of course Gold being Golden's grandpa's kid. So do you have ideas for the other shadows, like Fred, shadow Fox and shadow Cami? :0

hiii!!! yea! jay is joy's younger sister (for a year) and yeah!! i do have some ideas for the other shadows, but its a work in progress hehe

the one ive thought about more (besides gold and jay) is shadow fox!! (i.. have to think for names for them... even gold needs a different name lmao). he's fox and meg's cousin and he's an assholeeeeeee, so him and jay are close friends lmao they're kind of bullies but not to such an extreme degree. they're the kind of kids who will sideye you and make a joke at your expense once and then forget you exist. anyway, he meets gold through jay and he wants to date him. im still unsure if he genuinely has a crush on him or if he wants to get the family money lmao. he didn't even try with golden because jay would've killed him, because she has a one sided rivalry with golden where she wants to become more famous and successful than him, while golden thinks jay is too immature to handle a big following.

fox and s.fox have a baddddd relationship. the idea is that when meg and fox's parents died and their house burnt down, instead of going to the orphanage they moved in with their uncle and aunt. s.fox's parents are assholes. they didn't have a good relationship with meg and fox's parents in life, so they didn't want to take them in. they constantly complain about how they cant maintain 2 kids more, and blow up at the smallest mistakes or not-the-best attitude. s.fox took into this behaviour too, he was frustrated that he didnt have an escape from his parents anymore, and was now exposed to their verbal abuse all the time. but now that it was directed at meg and fox, s.fox was basically manipulated into believing that fox and meg are useless assholes. and when he heard that fox felt guilty for the accident he took that as admission of guilt. all of that + the fact he was frustrated and sad about his uncle and aunt dying made it so he became and asshole to the siblings, mostly fox. and he jsut grew up like that.

ok that was a lot uhh hes not an asshole to gold though he really likes the guy. he's constantly fluttering around him and hugging him and being all friendly and flirty and stuff, so cami HATESSS his ass lmao she gets pretty jealous. gold is not a big fan of s.fox hugging him or flirting and stuff but since he's a pushover he doesn't really say anything more than "stop 😐" and if he doesn't (which he usually doesn't bc, again, an asshole) he just deals with it. otherwise he thinks he's ok (gold doesn't know the whole drama between s.fox and fox, since fox avoids s.fox at all costs). anyways i have a sketch idea of his design

anyways. fred. freddy and him are twins! they get along fine, sometimes bother each other, usual siblings stuff. fred is part of the animatronics as the second voice and freddy plays the guitar. but fred realllyyyy wants freddy to also sing a little and have more presence on stage so he can get over his stage fright and general aversion to being seen. so whenever golden can't be around due to work he will be extremely happy because 1. he will be the main singer 2. he can force freddy to be his backup singer. so fred likes gold enough, because he takes golden away lmao. fred doesnt dislike golden or anything, maybe he's a little jealous but not so much that he hates him, he just sees him as a rock on his way to being the protagonist (and dragging freddy along). gold doesn't really like fred, because he has this weird attitude towards golden. gold has no strong feelings towards freddy, chica or fox tho, they seem ok.

as of shadow cami, i actually haven't thought of anything for her. I'm not even sure if I'll add her, since she was such a minor shadow. but maybe i will add her as a minor character, i thought perhaps cami's little sister, like 12 years old, because i like to think that shadow cami has a similar personality to cami when she was little, because she holds all that trauma, so i tend to think of her as smaller.

i also dont think ill include the fhsz3r0 shadows, like shadow bonnie and chica, because i dont want to have too many new characters, and since they probably wont interact with gold, who is the protagonist, idk if its worth it. but ill see!! i still have to expand the worlddddd

and i think thats all! thank u for the ask beloved mutual!!!! mwa

[safetycar-restart]

I am clawing my way here out of a grave because 🍄 anon said wag!seb (which! by the way! hello hello welcome AND youre so big brained) and i hath awoketh and now yall get to suffer the consequences 

So i was ALSO thinking wag!seb (surprise 🙄) but with a non-driver seb? So like you've been together for quite some time but you know he doesnt like the spotlight so you dont try to drag him to the paddock and generally try to keep things as private as possible. You dont mind in the slightest, truly, plus it means when you're home you can completely forget about your work and just exist in this airtight bubble with seb and listen to him rumble on about fixing one of the beehives or the new sort of tomatoes your neighbours are trying to breed.

Except, you think—i mean, you wouldnt trade your bubble, or seb, for that matter, for anything, but sometimes—sometimes—it just looks like it wouldve been nice to have him there for a race once in a while, you know? Because you look at other drivers rushing to their partners after a session or coming to the track together or waiting around by the car to drive them back to the hotel and. It's not—bad, or anything, it's just, you spend so much time on the road, away from home, and of course facetime exists but still. 

It just gets lonely, sometimes.

The thing is, seb is not blind, either; he might miss the first time your face gets all full of longing when you tell him about valtteri and tiffany, might rule it out as a coincidence the second time when you show him the pictures alex and lilly asked you to take of them, but he is not an idiot. He doesn't want to impose and waits for you to bring it up—it's your workplace, after all, he is not about to just invite himself over—but you never do, so eventually he gives up and asks you if you maybe might let him come to a race?

Which leads to an awkward conversation consisting mostly of "are you sure?—are you sure?—i thought you didn't want—i thought you didnt want to—" but you figure it out and you're honestly so relieved because you were due for another triple-header and to have seb come to a race would be such a treat.

And then the reality starts to think in for seb and he just gets so adorably anxious? He is meeting your team! Your mechanics! Theyre your home away from home! He just wants them to like him so much, because youre the best and they know youre the best and he just, he wants to prove he measures up. Get the Seal of Approval as your partner.

He doesn't listen to any of your assurances that he will be fine, that you're sure everyone will love him. He bullies the oven in the apartment you rent for the race week into baking his braided bread perfectly. He tries on four different shirts and eventually gives up and makes you choose the one he wears. You dont think you've seen him like this since he met your parents.

(It goes very well, of course, everyone absolutely loves him, he is a bit tired and overwhelmed but seems to be having a good time. You're both very happy it worked out.)

(He starts going to races after that; not a lot of them, but he tries to at least hit the triple headers so you dont have to stay apart for so long. He keeps making braided bread for your side of the garage; it's a big hit)

- Lemon 💜🍋

P s sorry i havent been around a lot lately life is insane will be back asap! Mwah love you all

Right ok, firstly we all need to praise 🍄 anon for bringing 🍋 back!!!!!! We've all been trying to use smoke signals to attract 🍋 anon out of their cave but 🍄 just fucking lit the beacons of Gondor.

Seb is really just living his best cottage core life? You have a wholeass cottage in the forest with some animals and vegetable gardens and seb manages the whole place. You have your own little bubble every time you come home, away from cameras and prying eyes.

You aren't an F1 driver at home. You're just seb's helper and partner and you love it so much.

Just gonna go on about your time at home for a little bit: Seb gets so much joy from showing you all the things he does at home while you're away? And you just spend entire afternoons curled up together in the sun, feeding the animals and watering the plants and having sex on a picnic blanket outside.

And Seb loves that you respect his desire for privacy enough to never expect him to come to races or to try post him on social media.

Speaking of social media, everyone is so beyond confused about your personal life. Because like, sometimes you'll post pictures of home grown tomatoes and alpaca's on your insta stories and sometimes you'll post cute pictures sitting in the grass surrounded by pets but they have no idea what you do on your time off? You just drop off the face of the earth when it is isn't a race weekend and sometimes post a random vegetable with no explanation.

They all think you're single, by the way.

Which is hilarious because you couldn't be less single.

But you can't deny that you miss seb sometimes. It's not that you want to show him off, because you know and understand that will never be for him. But you see other drivers having their partners sitting in their garages and cheering for them and hugging them when a race goes wrong and you just... you want that? You want to have seb there to support you sometimes.

Because absolutely no one supports you like seb.

Coming home to homemade banana bread on the counter and your dogs sprinting to say hello and seb shouting from the bathroom that he's getting the bath ready and has the wine poured is the best thing in the world.

Seb starts to see that too.

And I think the moment he decided he had to ask if you wanted him there was when he was watching a quali session (He never misses any races or qualis or FPs by the way), and you crashed? And then when you were back in the garage, the camera showed you sitting alone, staring into space and seb's heart broke because there was no one there to hug and comfort you?

Then he realised that's his job. He should be there.

Except seb doesnt actually think that you'd instantly agree and then tell you that you never asked because you were sure he didn't want it??

Of course he's terrified.

And honestly it's not the cameras and public that he's scared of. He really couldn't care less what the public think of him or how many people take pictures of him.

What he's terrified about is meeting your team? Because you literally see them more than you see your family. In many ways, they are your family. He knows that if they dont like him then you will struggle so much to bring him to races and to see him as a support person.

And he wouldn't be able to stand that, because the whole reason why he wants to go is because you do so much for him and he desperately wants to be there for you.

So of course he doesnt listen to your reassurances. He knows you love him, but what about the mechanics? The engineers? The media personal?

Obviously he must solve this problem by baking bread. Bread solves all problems.

He's actually overwhelmed by how much the team loves him? The entire team would die for him the moment he arrives and seems to know absolutely everything about him because you're always talking about him.

So yeah it's a little overwhelming but honestly it's all worth it when he can give you a hug the moment you step out the car. And then maybe you get a podium? And of course the whole team pushes him to the front of the barrier for the podium celebrations and he gets a hug and a kiss in front of everyone!!!

He still doesnt attend too many races, because honestly he's made to be your cottage core husband and not to be in front of cameras too much. But he cherishes each and every time he goes with you.

And he ends up with an unofficial rule that every time you're away for more than 2 weeks, he comes to visit. Even if he doesnt attend a race, he'll just fly in and say hello and give you a kiss and some homemade granola.

[1centillion]

Reading internet fights doesnt have to be an internet activity that rots you (ie doom scrolling, falling into the tiktok algorithm hole, etc). Reading internet fights can light up your brain in a similar way to reading a newspaper article or playing a computer game from when you were 8.

The key is to read the good ones where people are arguing really niche topics but both sides (no matter how well or mis informed) take the time to explain the proofs of their conclusions. Like they write out the math of what theyre arguing. Because when someones wrong, this style of argument lets someone else cut them down by pointing out faulty premises or pointing out non sequiturs. When you can read the thinking processes of each side it feels better taking a side because you just saw all the work theyre doing to get to there. Reading good internet arguments can be different from falling in a tik tok hole because the serotonin feels likes its sourced from developing my thinking skills (vs receiving it from being shown something new every 8.7 seconds).

Internet arguments are bad and make me feel like im j watching a car wreck (engages you but not for a good reason) when they give me undeserved credit. Such fights include but sre not limited to (from most to least readable) people debating a proper ranking of priorities or thingd, (and this is one full tier below Ranking Arguments, usually) logical fallacies, introducing tangentially related but ultimately off topic arguments, generalized blanket statements, making statements that are j truly objectively wrong observations about material reality

Cherry on top is when a the Cool Arguer hits all the thoughts you were thinking when reading an Uncool Persons comment AND adds something you didnt think of (learning!) The cherry on top of that cherry is seeing Uncool Arguer get ratioed.

Its important to remember that even tho internet fights dont always have to be soul sucking, even the best of them are only the equivalent to drinking orange juice from Ralphs (idk if this is the most equivalent comparison but im too lazy to think of the right one). Its not soda, it probably wont do too much harm if you have some for brekkie every so often. Definitely shouldnt be drinking it everyday when theres water and teas and seltzer water around. You wont be the microbiome or kind person you want to be on OJ and internet fights.

And this is because 1) you do not want to be a person who has a habit of deriving entertainment from the conflict between others and 2) especially so when theyre arguing over a cause important to you. Example: if theyre arguing about transmisogyny, at the end of the day we want to get rid of transmisogny because 'transmisogyny is an issue you care about because you love trans women *not* because you want transmisogynists to be wrong' (thats j the fun perk). But internet fights abt transmisogmy can only exist if transmisogny exists! So letting those internet arguments become fodder for your attention or a source of receiving joy from the internet is not productive to the true end goal and cause you care for. *And* you dont want to revel in the by products of transmisogyny bc its just gross! Best relationship to good internet fights is 'phew! Comforting to know theres other people who reason things out in the same steps i do! no man is an island!'

not sure if this line of reasoning can be applied to good internet fights on topics i dont care about. I think if an argument is silly and in good nature then its all fun (and actually those types of arguments are good reading, more like water than the good internet arguments on issues i care for, because theres no stakes its just people having fun and connecting with each other thru the medium of the internet) and if people are having a good internet argument over something i dont know about (ie best cars engines from the 80s a la mona lisa from my cousin vinny) well then its also more like water than OJ bc its low stakes with less repercussions and reading it will teach me something. But all these are still a lil bit OJ bc ..babe cut down ur screentime

newaze, internet fights are fun when they exercise your brain!

[actualbird]

Hello!! I'd just like to say I love your blog, thank you for existing, it has brought me so much joy you have no idea!! 💕 Your comedy posts about the NXX team are some of my favourite things to exist on the internet, just aaaahhhh I love seeing them just exisiting and being cracky idiots together!! The best kind of shenanigans are team shenanigans <3 Thank you for bringing so much laughter into my life!!

Whille on the topic of team shenanigans though, I've always wondered where the NXX team members would fall on the scale between "i have a 10 step skincare routine that I follow religiously" to "facial soap?? Why do I need special soap for my face??"

I initally pegged Luke as type number 2, but Luke has spent a good chunk of his life living with MC, and she seems like the type that would insist on him actually using proper products because omg Luke that soap is meant for your body it's not the same you can't use that for everything!! So now he just keeps using the routine she recommended when they were younger because it just lowkey reminds him of her 🥺 I'm curious where the rest of the NXX boys would fall on this scale though!! You totally don't have to respond to this, I just thought it was an interesting idea! Bye for now!! 💕

awww, this ask is so sweet! thank you for your kind words, anon, im happy to make other people in this fandom happy :DDD now onto your ask bc THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER.

i dont take care of my skin at all but in the past ive chatted with a bunch of medical doctors/dermatologists (n if u take anything from this post, let it be this: all u need is wash face w/ water and sunscreen everyday even if ur indoors. thats it) so like. IT IS TIME FOR ME TO RAMBLE FOR A KILOMETRIC AMOUNT OF WORDS ABOUT SKINS OF THEMIS!!!!

nxx boys' skin......care routines

wc: 1.6k words about skin

vyn richter: supple and enraging, his skin is great and im suing him for it

vyn is fancy, vyn is prissy, vyn knows how to make MACARONS, so like obviously his skincare routine is high end as all fuckin hells. but like?? he doesnt even NEED IT TO BE!!! because his skin is naturally amazing

see, i may not know about vyn's diet (i assume it's delicious and balanced) or vyn's general physical health (he seems like a general physician's dream come true) but i do know one thing vyn richter gets a lot of: SLEEP.

sleep is like the best thing u can do for ur skin, passively. lets ur skin repair damage and thus reduces wrinkles or age spots. as marius loves to remind us every single second, vyn wakes up at 9am. prev canon content tells us that vyn sleeps at around 11pm, giving vyn's skin (skin richter...) 10 wholeass hours to take care of itself. recommended sleep hours for a person of his age is 7-9 hours. vyn adds on another hour. for the INDULGENCE OF IT ALL.

but yes, his skincare routine is the following in this order: gentle facial cleanser, toner, moisturizing lotion, sunscreen. pretty simple tbh, still on the scale of "chill" skincare routine but definitely near the line of "10 steps i will follow to my grave." important to note tho that all the products he uses are stupid fancy.

i think maybe sometimes, like after a busy or stressful day, he'll do a face mask. still fancy, but he doesnt rlly go after the ones that do too much, he likes the aromatic ones. fragrant face mask on, his antique gramophone crooning Rainy Days and Mondays by The Carpenters, and vyn is living the life.

luke pearce: skin thankfully was saved by mc, but before that it was TERRIBLE

i ONE HUNDO PERCENT agree with ur headcanon!!! it's SO SWEET HHHHH. i can imagine that once mc's skincare routine is drilled into his mind and heart (and she rlly made sure he remembered it!!! it's quite basic, not truly bare minimum, but on the chill scale of daily skincare: a gentle facial cleanser, moisturizer, and sunscreen. "that's it!!! that's all, luke!!! LUKE, STOP DODGING ME, IM JUST PUTTING ON THE DAMN SUNSCREEN!!!" these two together in the bathroom during their teen years was frigging world war 3) he really sticks to it!! and he uses the exact same products mc had used before EXACTLY for the emo reason u brought up.

luke pearce during his 8 year disappearance be like: shes watching over my......skin.....

aaron: when you say it like that, it's INCREDIBLY CREEPY

luke: SHUT UP, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!!!

and thats luke's skincare routine for basically the rest of his life. so since thats all been set up, i do wanna talk about Before The Salvation Of Luke's Skin---

---because LMAOOOO YEAAAA. bros, he was using not just normal body soap for his face. that was him on a good day. canon suggests that luke was a messy person, in his childhood. his room a mess yet he finds what he needs. that kind of philosophy is something i see bleeding into a lot of what he does. aka hes like "i mean my face doesnt get dirty, and it's still doing what a face is sposed to do, so i just wash it with just water in the shower."

mc, horrified: not even. soap?

luke: why would i need soap?

mc: "WHY WOULD YOU NEED SOAP"??????????

(im projecting on luke here lol. listen, just water is fine. ur not gonna win any awards with it but it's fine. and like, luke pearce sure as hell doesnt need more to help for him look GODDAMN BEAUTIFUL!!!!)

marius von hagen: skin so good it's infuriating, we have to steal it, IT'S TOO GOOD FOR HIM

now this is a mf knows skincare stuff from front to back. PAX has cosmetics branches but thats not why he knows imo, he knows because hes a fruity guy. and a vain one, sometimes. the point here is that he's KNOWLEDGEABLE. you cant scam this dude with subpar or overhyped skincare products. snail cream face mask? yeah ofc he knows about that [marius_von_scoffing.mp3] but youre saying this snail cream mask is the be-all-end-all of skincare? oh he KNOWSSSS UR WRONG, BUDDY!!!!!

that being said, since hes quite knowledgable he also knows skin differs from person to person. he did his research to figure out his skin type and what routine fits it best and makes him look sexy pretty hottest.

marius' skincare routine changes sometimes (theres one he does daily and one he does every 2 or 3 weeks, gotta exfoliate, duhhhh)

but his daily one is the following (after a shower): micellar water, toner, moisturizing lotion, sunscreen.

honestly, marius' biggest trouble is eyebags. he sleeps much too little and i am always gonna be stressed about that. hes stressed about it too bc he cant LOOK like hes having a hard time bc thatd mean ppl would be sincerely worried about him and marius is allergic to positive sincerity. hes got some products to protect against noticeable eyebags but hes not above using some concealer if it's a Bad Fuckin Week

additionally, marius often wears makeup for fun (gender feels) or for profit (business gatherings where theres a bunch of bright lights) so he always makes sure to prep his face for makeup and clean it all off after. regular makeup without the correct protection and aftercare is a death sentence for ur skin...

artem wing: it aint much but it's honest (skin) work (but forreal, artie, do a face mask sometime...)

artem is a guy who strikes me as a "does what has to be done" type of person with an added dash of "me? indulging? is that not what will send me to hell?" artem's idea of indulging is buying high quality whetstone to sharpen his kitchen knives with. he orders it online in advanced for his birthday and is pleased when the deliveryperson drops off the LITERAL BLOCK at artem's apartment. brick brick brick, it's fun! (whatever floats ur boat, artem)

anyway, he doesnt do anything about skincare until hes 20 years old or something in law school and good ol' mentor neil hume is like "artem, if you keep frowning and furrowing your brows like that, you're going to get wrinkles at 25" and artem is like "i dont care about...wrinkles" and neil is like jsdbfsdjkgjsd of course. but the conversation Does make artem curious enough to research about wrinkles, then about face skin, then about skincare and then hes like. IM DOING FACE SKIN THINGS ALL WRONG (I.E. I HAVE NOT BEEN DOING ANYTHING)

after that, artem does the following daily skincare routine: gentle facial cleanser particularly for dry skin (artem realizes his skin is dry, and that uh. HES DRY IN GENERAL. like have u seen how much coffee this dude drinks??? drink some water, sir??? hes toeing the line of dehydration, i know it, and his body is having trouble creating most liquids. dry skin. dry skin for artem wing), soft cream, sunscreen.

he does not enjoy...Strong Fragrances. or Intense Face Sensations. or just anything that feels like his face is going through something chemical, in the bad way. gentle products all the way, artem wing must be placed in a swaddles of softness ONLY...

bonus: nxx investigation team skincare bonding

marius and luke are the ones most open and game and HAPPY to have chill face mask friday night funtime with mc. granted, luke is gonna be like "THIS FEELS WEIRD AND COLD AND SLIMY" once mc slaps the mask onto his face. but he gets used to it pretty quickly. esp after marius teases him like "super spy can handle everything but aloe vera, huh?" and then after that marius has to dodge luke's tackle attack. friday night funtime with the boyz!!!

vyn and artem are invited to friday night funtime but theyre both hesitant. vyn because hes like "i dont look handsome when theres a face mask on my face" and artem because hes like "what if i get a bad grade at having fun on a friday night with friends. this is something both normal to fear and possible to achieve"

but i think mc has some great puppy eyes (she grew up with luke, of course she'd have great puppy eyes, im sure he TAUGHT HER) and so vyn and artem eventually get over themselves bc theyre both whipped as hell

once that happens, it's a lovely bonding disaster. marius is trying to ramble BETTER about the science of skincare vs. luke who did research because goddamnit, he's not going to let marius win so easily. artem prepared a relaxing spotify playlist and vyn takes potshots at him when a spotify ad plays and hes like "dont have premium? shame." and artem holds back on pelting the phone at vyn's clear skinned face. mc is just happy all her friends are here being dumb and having fun

all in all the nxx skinvestigation team is doing GREAT in terms of face skin. im sure random stellis citizens look at them walking around like "...he doesnt deserve his skin...i....deserve his skin..."

[legionofpotatoes]

black widow thonks with spoilers under the cut. because I'm a marvel retrospective blog now I guess

(being in cinemas again is exciting. leave me alone)

A Movie. fits right into that mcu sweet spot of better than I feared, worse than I hoped

better because the first half does seemingly functional dramatic setups, doesn't shy away from quiet moments of interiority, tries to establish a bespoke narrative to operate in, has a weird enough opening that you can chalk up to it being "good" until we see how it's all addressed later on

worse cause second half is an mcu's greatest hits bonanza with clunky payoffs and reverse engineered catharsis shoehorning emotional development into some sort of avengers-need-me endpoint like it's a fridge being pushed into a carry-on suitcase with "franchise continuity" written on it

yelena/florence absolutely delightful. if she's taking over the character that could be nice! I think that girl has very pretty eyes. her acting/humor/accent was very good and really the only functional relationship with natasha in this entire ass movie

adjacent thought: accents overall were good, but some "major" beats were delivered in straight-up russian and. eurgh. horrible pronunciation. weird how this stuff doesnt get vetted on big boy hollywood sets. meanwhile they have one actual russian actor and they're mute the whole time. baller

re: clunky payoffs. major dramatic beat in the end is "sorry I left you, sister" despite the opening showing us the exact opposite. natasha fiercely protecting her from shit dad. whereas the actual defection from the red room is explained away in words and pieces across the movie. "show don't tell" isn't a tired platitude, and would help a LOT here if we saw that moment fit in the dramatic coherence of their past relationship chronologically. feels trivial but catharsis really is just setups and payoffs and making them CLEAR to follow. feel confident complaining about this more than anything else tbh

lots of other examples but this one felt easiest to "get right" in existing framework. other stuff like relationship with rest of the widows/dreykov/his daughter all harder to wrap my head around despite feeling short-changed overall. and like I can't claim to be able to doctor movie scripts or anything

but the parents! what the fuck! way to waste david harbour and rachel weisz! how is his shitty psychology not interrogated/prodded in any way. I did nothing wrong because my daughters grew up into effective brainwashed killers. makes them sad when I say that for some reason. here's a lil song I remember from back when I was lying to you about everything. feel better and move forward please, need to brag more about being cool

mom was overall better handled but the double-triple-quadruple turncoating at the end with constant callbacks and timeline cuts let all the air out of any possible dramatic payoff. functionally speaking it all literally happened in that closet while they were swapping outfits I guess? and we see bits and pieces of it for the sake of plot and not emotion? Weird Choice. but that's just me. idk

you can really tell the exact moment an mcu script hits "fuck it" and throws hands in air as nonsense plot device meter hits peak readings. aggression cancelling man-pheromones was that moment for me. literally what the fuck lmao. I guess the writers room felt strongly about it cause it fits as a wacko metaphor? for a dude manipulating and abusing women? okay. you know. good choice in an espionage thriller. I think it's fucking stupid still! and at the very LEAST warranted some sort of setup/foreshadowing to be less jarring

I get this entirely unjustifiable schadenfreude when fan favorite characters are fucked with. I imagined angry nerds frothing at the mouth about taskmaster and it brought me so much joy. I am truly not gloating I know this is a bad feeling to have. it's evil and judgmental and says more about me than anyone else.

gotta hand it a lil bit to the nerds though, having the character at least be able to speak and articulate motives/relation to natasha/at least express interiority through physical moments would be nice (good nearby example: winter soldier in cap 2). set up your mystery character reveals ya ding dongs. and be a bit heavyhanded about them if needed I promise it's okay. but when did drama and story matter more than plot to marvel? I generally found taskmaster a great overall story beat on paper but it's all the clunky drama around them that failed the execution. more context around That Moment in budapest, a few insert shots of physical micro expressions, actual dialogue during the reveal, idk. probably not as easy to improve this and I'm being a bit flippant but it really does look good on paper to me but then it all feeling empty and pointless by the end is not something I can deny

the incredibly hot dude natasha keeps around for Spy Stuff Procurement. whose name I already forgot. would be nice to give him a Moment, yannow. he literally IS a plot device with no dramatic function around him. everything he did/motivated in the plot could easily be written into nat's pov to save runtime. so why include him at all? it's not like big corporations tend to chase after tokenism in their tentpole films right fellas

so. natasha. the actual titular person in the middle of all this. I can be a bit high brow with my semiotic dissection of these potato salad movies but the fact that your main hero should.. like. change somehow. by the end of a movie. isn't that the whole point of storytelling? flawed personhood goes through crucible of personal challenge and achieves meaningful change. I feel like drama needs to really be blasted at me full-force, because maybe I missed it but did natasha change?

her big mission statement in the end is something like. "turns out I have two families, time to fix the other one". but a) the current one is still fucked up (but okay, it's really about yelena, I'll give it a pass), and b) sort of implies that THIS movie is what spurred her to stop being on the run alone and decide to instead be on the run with steve. which is. a baffling emotional result because why couldn't she do it earlier. we need to know these reasons to make any of this mumbo jumbo work. why was she not with steve in the beginning? "I'm better off alone" throwaway lines probably, yeah. I don't remember. okay why then? interrogate her self-isolation motives a bit more? tie them somehow in her catharsis with yelena? fucking. setups and payoffs. riddle your films with them and make them CLEAR and I PROMISE it's so much more satisfying. I mean for me it is. if you got anything out of her declaration in the end, in all honesty, power to ya

...no sorry I can't get over the attack canceling man pheromones it's so fucking stupid lmao

[sluttyprincessinarizona]

Taishiro Toyomitsu (FatGum) x shy! reader (fluffies!)

This is my first, o f f i c i a l tumblr fanfic, so woo! I ' m f c k i n g t e r r i f i e d -anyway, this is a FatGum x reader, because Tai is the cutest thing and I don't see enough of him. I'll be doing some of my personal favorites from the anime, ranging from popular to underrated characters, so I hope anyone who comes across this weird mess enjoys it! Leave a comment, or like, or smth, because I think this will be really cool, and i wanna be like those other awesome fanfic writers one day- anyways, byeee!

Word count: Idk dude, I'm on mobile-(it's a lot tho, trust me-)

Warnings: Mild cursing, also make sure to brush your teeth afterwards, cause this will give you a toothache from the sweetness-

A box. Wait, what? Where did it come from? Who put it there? Is this a prank? It smells like…Takoyaki?!? Fatgum rushed to his desk, opening the pastel purple box sat neatly on his desk. ¨Yes! Morning snack!¨ He cheered whilst fist pumping the air. Fatgum reached to take a piece of the octopus goodness, but hesitated, for just a moment. His smile faltered, and he took a second to evaluate, his hero instincts shining through. Poison? Intruder? Stalker? However, the mouth-watering smell of his newly-acquired treat pulled him sultrily out of his cautiousness, and Fatgum gave in to the temptation, devouring the takoyaki in mere seconds. He made sure to be careful with the box though. ¨Ill ask Kirishima or Amajiki if they gave me this. Those kids are just the greatest!¨ He bounded out of his office in a rush to excitedly badger at his two son- interns, but he soon found that neither knew what he was talking about. They had just barely entered the agency for the first time since yesterday, so they had no part in this adorable gift Fat had received. Fatgum was slightly put off, but resolved that he would ask everyone at his agency personally, determined to find and thank the angel who gave him this thoughtful present. 

Its been about a month since then. After a week of daily takoyaki, Fatgum was wondering if he´d be destined to live a life of having takoyaki for breakfast when he opened his office door and froze. Fatgum had expected to see that same lavender(he checked) shaded box of goodness, but he was greeted with a rolled up bag sitting on top of a box, but it was a different shade of purple. His seemingly permanent smile grew tenfold and he giddily bounced over to his desk to investigate the new items he had been gifted. He opened the bag first, and took out a cup. Coffee. He was stunned. Not by the fact that his ´secret admirer´ had brought him coffee, nor was it the fact that they could have gotten it wrong. No, he was floored by the logo on the coffee cup. It was the logo of the small cat cafe down the street. Fatgum asks Kirishima and Amajiki to visit there almost everyday, though he insists its just for the coffee. Fatgum went there once to get himself a coffee his two children were busy, and he hasn´t gone back since. Not because the establishment was bad, no it adorable. The pastel color scheme, the friendly felines who endlessly entertained him, even the mere scent of the cafe brings a smile to his face, but for one reason, and one reason only.

You.

You, the one who owned, managed, and staffed the humble cafe all on your own. Fatgum could barely manage to keep professional, for he had no idea where he was supposed to direct his eyes. Your precious attitude, the excitable gleam in your eyes, your contagiously cute giggle, and your blush, oh the blush! Fatgum had told you a joke to ease his own nerves, but the waver in his tone and ok-at-best comedy skills only proved to make him even more anxious. That was, until he heard you laugh. You didn´t just laugh, no, because he had just found your weakness. Simple, honest, puns. You attempted to cover your mouth so you could save your dignity, but resistance was futile when you were hit with such a bad joke from such a cute man. You doubled over in pure, jovial, laughter, and at that moment, you thanked every Greek god that has ever lived that you two were the only ones occupying the shop at that moment. Well, besides all the spectating kittens. You were so caught up in that stupidly funny pun, you failed to notice that you were the only one laughing. 

Fatgum was speechless. Normally, hes the one laughing at his own jokes, but here you were, laughing. Not only that, but your laugh was heavenly. It was music to his ears, and he could hardly stomach the rush of feelings that had hit him. Embarrassment, anxiety, calm, joy, happiness, lo-…

Love? Did he love you?

He wanted to say no immediately, there was no way. But his rushing mind stopped once he heard you snort. You covered your mouth, hoping he hadn´t heard such an embarrassing sound come from you, but it only made you laugh harder, and soon you were snorting with every other breath. He couldn´t breathe. You snort when you laugh too hard??? His head was spinning with every wave of feeling that enveloped him. He felt like he was floating. He was on cloud nine simply from the fact that he could reduce you to giggles and snorts like this. He was so overwhelmed, yet relieved by your reaction. You had bashfully admitted to him that you had trouble opening up to others, and you had found it remarkable how easily he had broken down your walls as if they were nothing more than a breeze. He wondered if this meant he ad a chance. Talking with you was effortless, and brought him a level of joy he had never experienced. It made him wonder what else you two would get up to. His mind flashed with endless scenarios, you appearing in every single one. You on a date, shy smiles and ´accidentally´ bumping into each other every two seconds. You at his house, leaning into his chest as you stuff your faces with popcorn, hypnotized by a movie. You underneath him, your small frame dwarfed by his larger one, breathless and writhing. You in his office, sitting on his lap and snuggling him as he finishes up some paperwork.

He wanted you, with every thing he had. He wanted to have you, have fun with you, do things with you, go places with you. He wanted you childishly, so you two could bounce around the world together with reckless abandon. He wanted you selfishly, to pull you close where everyone could see, so no one would mistake that you were his. He wanted you devilishly, giving you endless kisses and lovebites, just to see you squirm and blush. He wanted you innocently, to sing karaoke at the top of his lungs with you, and do scavenger hunts for your anniversaries. He wanted you longingly, knowing that he could power through the villains, the mountains of paperwork, all of lifes bullshit, just so he could be greeted by your smile, the smile of a tried-and-true angel.

After that day, Fatgum never went back to your store. He knew that if he saw you again, with that illegally cute maid outfit and those entrancing eyes, he would be compelled to get down on one knee and ask for your hand in marriage, which is a level of mortification hes not ready for. The day after his return, he was so stunned by the mark your presence left on his very being that he began to notice that almost everything reminded him of you. The fluffiness of the clouds brought to his mind the cute way the frill on your outfit bounced in excitement. The soft shades of blues and purples at nighttime reminded him of the perfect lighting of your cafe as he passed it late at night. Hell, his assistants cat reminded him of you, and he noted every one of these things for his own sake, but he never realized just how loud he gets when hes in his own head. His muttering got louder and more distracting, to the point that he would daydream at every possible moment, dreamily sighing your name like a mantra. Taishiro Toyomistu, an established pro-hero, a fully functioning adult, had been reverted back to a love-sick teenage boy. It was almost pathetic, yet he made up for by how excited even the mention of you made him. It piqued his interns interests, and they decided to take matters into their own hands.

Amajiki was currently rethinking his entire life. His decisions, his friendships, his entire existence was being heavily reevaluated. How did he let Kirishima talk him into this? His underclassman who he thought was just beginning to understand what boundaries are, had somehow, by some absolutely-mystical-means, convinced him to hide in his mentors cabinet to watch for some mystery person leaving snacks for him. He couldve been training, he couldve been eating, hell, he couldve even been talking with Mirio and Nejire, but no. Here he was, cramped between a shelf and crates of paperwork, staking out someone who he doesnt know, and hoping that he wont have to wait for too long stuck in this position. He was about to adjust himself to leave the cabinet and forget this whole plan, when the office door creaked open, the annoyingly loud squeeeak making the person wince as they continued to open it. Amajiki froze, barely containing his squeak of fear as he watched in awe as the door opened but...n-no one was there???

Amajiki blinked, wondering if was just a stray breeze, or some ghostly apparition, which brought tears of terror to his precious eyes from the mere thought. He blinked his tears away hastily, and looked back to reassure himself that no one was there, and even if they were, they were probably friendly. Or, at the very least, he could overpower anyone with relative ease, but he choked on his own reassurance. One second, there was no one, the next, there was you. You, the girl from the cafe, had just appeared out of thin air! You were the one leaving the snacks for Fatgum! Amajiki gawked as you set down the periwinkle box of cupcakes, along with the bag that contained his mentors coffee, brewed to perfection and made with so much love that he could feel it from his hiding spot. He stayed as still as possible, silently spectating as you arranged the snacks neatly while humming a sweet tune, as if you were in the comfort of your own home. You decided that you had adjusted the box by .1% enough times, and you smiled warmly at the box, before jumping at the sound of Fatgum's voice, laughing joyously at something while steadily getting closer to the office you both were in. You panicked and ran behind the door, closing it fully before he got too close, so as not to seem suspicious. Amajiki had blinked only once, and then you were gone again, and Fatgum had opened the door, bringing the operation to a screeching halt. When Amajiki reported back to Kirishima, he realayed back what he had witnessed to an excitable Kirishima, who jumped for joy when he heard that it was you. 

¨I knew it!¨ Kirishima exclaimed, pumping his fist in the air. He had guessed beforehand that you were the one leaving such a heart-warming gift for his mentor, and now his next meal was paid for, which he was very happy about.

Fatgum was accompanying Kirishima and Amajiki to his favorite restaurant after a surprisingly peaceful patrol, and they knew they had to tell him then, when they had a peaceful moment to relax. So, they told him.

¨Hey Fat, I just wanted to let you know that…¨ Kirishima started, looking over at Fatgum from his menu, but his sentence was soon forgotten. He, and Amajiki, were staring incredulously at Fatgum, who was currently trying to disappear into his jacket. ¨F-fatgum?¨ Amajiki asked shakily. ¨Whats w-wrong? A-a-are there villains here?!¨ He looked around in alarm, but there were no immediate threats in sight. What had shaken their fearless mentor up so severely? Fatgum simply shook his head, and laid his forehead down on the cool table in hopes of soothing his burning face. Kirishima and Amajiki looked at Fatgum, then to each other in confusion. They both shrugged and went to comfort him when they heard a giggle that caught their attention. Normally that wouldn’t matter at a time like this, but that giggle triggered something in Fatgum and the most obvious shiver went down his spine at the sound. Amajiki, who was across the booth from Fat and Kirishima peered from around his seat to see who it was and gasped. He looked back at Fatgum, then mouthed to Kirishima ¨Its the girl from the cafe!¨ Kirishima gaped, standing up to get a better look. Sure enough, there you were, chatting with a friend who worked the reception booth at the establishment. You were there for your weekly shipment of leftover supplies from the restaurant that you could use for your sweets, but Fatgum didnt know that. All Fatgum could think of is how embarrassing it would be if you saw him cowering like a child in your mere presence. But even then, he couldnt get over how absolutely stunning you looked in casual clothes. He was thoroughly surprised at the fact that you werent already up and married when he met you, because you were simultaneously everything he wanted and needed, and not at all what he was expecting. You were funny, smart, and cute, but he knew there were worlds of things hiding behind your bright eyes. You were perfect. You were everything. You were-

Poke

¨T-Toyom-m-mistu? Ar-are you ok? You seem a b-bit sick or som-something?¨

You were right next to him, poking his arm. You were blushing almost as fiercely as him, for multiple reasons. 1. you were right next to someone who instantly caught your heart in his excessively large hands as soon as you met him, and you were poking him. 2. His two interns were staring you down so intensely that you began to wonder if you ever should have walked over in the first place. and 3. is he sick or not?!? You just wanted to make sure hes ok, and maybe kinda possibly ask him why he hasnt visited the shop in a while. But it doesnt seem like thats gonna happen. You kept your voice down because you knew that if a commotion happened that you would actually be sick from fright, but you couldnt help the worry that bubbled in your gut at the sight of him.

On the other hand, Fatgum was just about ready to fucking combust. He wanted to look up, he wanted to see your soft, caring features and the look of concern that was undoubtedly on your face, but he knew impulse would  overtake him. He barely managed to keep from making a fool of himself in front of you and everyone who knew him, and he felt backed into a corner. His mind was racing, and he couldnt even feel his heart beating anymore. His breath was getting heavy, but he barely noticed it. He was driving himself mad, slowly devolving into a panic that he didnt know was enveloping him, nor did he know how to get out of it. All he could think of was you, how disgusted you would be by him if he proposed to you, how you would walk away from him if he said the wrong thing. He wanted you, but he cant have you, and he doesn't know what to-

¨Taishiro!¨ you exclaimed, no longer worried about making a scene. You wrenched his head up from the table and pressed his forehead against yours. He stared wordlessly at you, his thoughts going silent for just a moment, and that was all you needed. ¨Taishiro, look at me, ok? You're ok. I've got you.¨ You spoke softly to him, phrases that you're soothing voice spoke to him. Things he could only imagine from his wildest dreams. His breathing slowed as he slowly came back to his senses, forgetting all about his panic in favor of taking in you. He made no effort to move, because he was completely content on being this close to you forever. He was astonished by you, how you could calm his mind and steal his heart all at once, but the thing he couldnt draw away from was your eyes. They held no pity, however in it's place was the light of experience. You held him not because you pitied him, but because you knew his fear, and wanted to take it away, if only for a moment. He couldnt help but tear up at the genuineness in your gaze, the gaze that you never broke, not even for a second. You had grabbed his arm as he sunk, pulling him back up, and encouraging him to let you help him. You knew what it felt like to be stuck with no one to help, so you told him to relax, let himself be helped just this once, all without any words. All you needed was to look into his eyes and he could understand everything you tried so desperately to convey to him for months. You lost control of your filter as you soothed him, letting slip how much you missed him and his goofy smile, and how undeniably happy he made you. You brought him onto his feet and carried him up, and as you unknowingly whispered "That was when I knew that I loved you", he could see the bright glowing light that enveloped you. You really were an angel. He could see your halo, your soft wings, but overall he saw your heavenly smile, one that begged him to respond, as you were losing confidence at an alarming rate. At that moment, he broke into the brightest, cutest, and dorkiest grin you had ever witnessed, and it melted your heart all over again. He leaped up in a flash, and before you knew it, he had you bridalstyle in his arms with dizzying speed. You squealed in fear, but relaxed as you saw him gaze down at you lovingly. You smiled back shyly, and buried your face in his chest when you could hear the restaurant goers cheering at the display, He carried you out of the restaurant in a valiant display, and his remark as you both exited made the cheers of the onlookers sound deafening, and it drove your blush all the way down to your ears in shock.

¨Hey sweetcheeks, we should get married!¨

~End~

I hope you enjoyed it! It took me about three days to finish, cause online school, but this was awesome. I legitimately love this one, and this probably the only one I've finished and was satisfied with. If you like it, pls let me know cause I already adore this, and I wanna share with the world, no matter how scary it might be. Anyways, this has gotten long, so I'm gonna bounce. Gotta start the next one. Bye-bye!💜

[tvmblrdothailey]

Bnha x trans woman reader

A/N: I decided to write an x reader where the reader is a trans woman. To any trans woman reading this I just want you to know thAT I FŪCKING LOVE YOU💙💖🤍💖💙🥰😘🥰😘🥰😘 YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND I WILL LITERALLY FIGHT ANYONE WHO HURTS YOU.

Warning: Cursing, Transphobia, mentions of Sex Reassignment Surgery, Gender Dysphoria. Karen

(Y/N): Your name

(D/N): Your dead name

Summary: It took a while for your parents to accept you for who you are, you just hoped your classmates and teachers would accept you as well.

- Before the first day, you had recieved your school uniform, but it turned out to be a mens uniform. To which you had to “politely” ask them to send you the correct uniform.

- Once you made it to class you were immediently introduced to a green haired male who you’d later find out was named Izuku. Then you met Uraraka, Iida, Asui, etc.

- Eveything was going well until your teacher showed up and immediently had you all sent to change into P.E uniforms.

- It wasn’t the uniform that was the problem, it was the fact that none of them knew you were trans and had to share a changing room with other woman. And even though they seemed friendly at first, you still were unsure how’d they react.

- In the past you had to learn the hard way that a smile can really hide someones true colors and that not all people are willing to accept you for who you are and not what you are.

- It’s worth noting that you havent had Sex Reassignment Surgery yet, because you couldnt afford it. (You did take medication though)

- And even though you were generally confident about your Gender, you still had your moments where you started to doubt yourself abd even questioned if you were a real woman (WHICH YOU FRICKING ARE OKAY!!! 😤💙🤍💖)

- Once you were in the womans lockerroom, you tried your best to find a place where you could change without any of them seeing you. So far it was going good until Uraraka came looking for you. She blushed and in a panic you told her you were a trans woman.

- You froze for a few seconds before hearing Uraraka’s voice “Oh...okay, well just so you know, I think you’re a very beautiful woman!” My god you had to hold back from giving Uraraka a hug right then and there.

- Later down the line you had come out to the rest of the girls as a Trans woman, to which they all responded with hugs and affection.

- “We don’t care if you’re trans, you’re still the same (Y/N) we know and love.” -Hagakure

- “It doesnt matter whats in your pants, if you identify as a woman, then you’re a woman.” - Jirou

- “I am literally pink, and you think I’d judge you because of your gender? Hell nah, get over here and let me love you!” - Mina

- “If anyone tells you otherwise you come to me and I will have a “friendly” chat with them.” -Momo

- “Ribbit, You’ll always be our friend (Y/N), no matter what.” -Tsu

- They would die for you

- With the help of the other girls, you eventually came out to Aizawa, and he promised that you would be treated the same just as any other student. And if anyone gives you any problems you bring it to him for him to deal with. (Protective dad tm)

- Eventually the entire class knew and you felt the biggest weight fall of your shoulders.

- “It does’nt matter, you’re still (L/N) (Y/N). And we all care about you. 💚” -Izuku

- “I don’t give a damn about your gender! So stop it with that self-concious shit.” -Bakugo. Although his words may seem harsh, he really cares about you and is willing to blow up any wall, building or mountain to chase away any Dysphoria you may have.

- You had to exaplain it a couple of times for Todoroki since he was never educated about that kind of stuff, but once he got it he immediently replied “I didn’t know people could do that. Thank you for telling me, and I’ll do everything I can to support you.” 🤍❤️

- Of cource there were going to be some students who felt the need to belittle you...

- One time in the Caffiteria, Monoma had walked up to your table and desided that today would be the day he would be the biggest dick in the world

- “It’s shocking how people say Class 1A is one of the hardest courses to get into, yet they let someone like you in.” He said

- You looked at him “Excuse me?”

- “I’m just saying when you think about it scientifically, you’re still a man no m- “ Monoma didn’t get to finish his sentence before Kendo slapped him, knocking him out cold.

- “Hey, sorry about him (Y/N). I knew he was low but I didn’t think he was that low.” She then smiled at you “Don’t listen to him, he’s just desperate to finding ways to make his class seem better because of some imaginary rivalry that’s only exist in his head. Anyway, I need to take him to Recovery girl to get his brains checked, but I’ll see you later!”

- Kendo was the best, and she made sure that Monoma got a stern lecture from Vlad later that day.

- Then there was the Mall incident, when the class was going on a trip to the mall to buy supplies for Summer training camp, but then you ran into an Ex friend.

- Emphasis on the word EX

- “(D/N)?” They said. To which you froze, you recgonized that voice anywhere and you could already tell that this conversation wasn’t going to be friendly.

- You slowly turned around “Hey Karen...” She didnt look that diffrent, fake nails, fake jewlery, fake personality...what?

- “Why are you dressed like a woman?” She said.

- You groaned before responding “Because I am a woman, Karen.” You tried to walk away from her in order to avoid confrontation, the last thing you needed were hundreds of eyes on you. You made a note to yourself to come back tommorow when you would’nt have to deal with her. But you’re taken out of your thoughts as you feel someone grab your shoulder and spin you around.

- “Do you think it’s funny? To make fun of mental illness?” She said.

- There was a point in time when Karens words didnt offend you anymore, they just frustrated you because of how dumb and ignorant she sounded.

- “Karen, I have told you multiple times that I am a woman, I am not mentally ill, I am human. I get that it might be confusing for you but it’s not for me. I am happy the way I am okay?”

- “You’re the one that’s confused. You think you’re a girl but you’re a boy no matter what? That’s just how the human body works.” She shot back. At this point multiple eyes were already on you two. Some looked uncomftorable, others look confused and then there were a few that looked disgusted. Just a few people had the power to send Dysphoria crawling back into your mind.

- You started to hear fast footsteps before hearing “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY YOU BOOTLEG BARBIE BITCH?!”

- Oh hey bakugo (we’re gonna pretend him, Kiri and Shoto came along aight)

- “Bakugo, It is unacceptable to call a woman by such a deragatory term! Even though she was being rude to (Y/N) there are better ways to-“ Iida was cut off by Bakugo

- “SHUT THE HELL UP FOUR EYES!” Kiri then had to hold bakugo back while Todoroki and Uraraka steped in between you and Karen.

- “Don’t ever talk to our friend like that, she is more of a woman than you’ll ever be. I’d suggest that you walk away right now, our friend can only hold back Bakugo for so long.” Todoroki said

- Uraraka helped calm your nerves and whispered to you “Don’t listen to her, she’s just jealous because you can wear a dress better than her.”

- AIGHT, now the training camp.

- During the training camp, Tiger had not only helped you get stronger, but also helped scare away any Gender Dysphoria that remained inside your head.

- “Don’t ever let peoples harsh words get to you! You are doing this for yourself and that’s what matters!” He said

- When it was time to take a bath, you didn’t hesitate to get into the hot springs. The encouraging words Tiger gave you along with the constant support of your friends had made you feel safe and happy. You could’nt ask for better friends.

Bonus:

* IF YOU DO NOT PLAN ON HAVING SEX REASSIGNMENT SURGERY THEN YOU CAN IGNORE THIS PART

- One moment that stuck out was when momo dropped the question “Hey (Y/N), you dont have to awnser this but I was wondering, why have’nt you gone through Sex Reassignment Surgery? Are you not comftorble with it or...?”

- “Oh, I just dont have the money for it.” You responded

-Way way later on.

- your birthday was finally around the corner

- On the big day you woke up to your friends Uraraka and Midoriya at your door and they dragged you to the main room where the rest of the class along with Mr. Aizawa were.

- You noticed a large envelope on the coffe table and they looked at you before Hagakure urged you to open it.

- When you did you found two gifts, one was a shirt

- And the other was a smaller envelope with the words Class 1A written on the back. You opened the envelope and pulled out a card and opened it to which a small keychain fell out that said “trans woman are real woman” and if that wasn’t wholesome enough...

- You looked inside the card but before you could begin reading Aizawa interupted and asked you to read it outloud.

- “Dear (Y/N), words can not describe how wonderful you are, how brave, how strong, or how amazing of a person and classmate you are. We all love you! When you came out to us as a transwoman, we all immediently wanted to make sure you knew you were valid and loved. It’s come to our attention that you haven’t had sex reassignment surgery because you are unable to afford it. So we banded together and decided we would help pay for your surgery-“ you couldn’t finish as you were allready in tears and you looked at Aizawa and the rest of the class to confirm that they were not messing with you.

- “I’ve already talked with your parents all you have to do is set up an appointment and all that fun stuff.” Aizawa said.

- Your tears turned into water falls and your classmates all went to give you hugs and affection. You thanked each of them through your tears of joy and hiccups.

- Definitely a Birthday that would be remembered.

TUMBLR DESITED TO DELETE 65% OF THIS POST THAT I POURED MY HEART AND SOUL INTO 😭

[icharchivist]

hello icha!! i finally got around to finishing the stranger haha,, by which i mean i just watched it today. was veryyyy excited for it as i really like the poster design for this one. anyways. this event starting w/ the sort of portrait format or whatever / that narration is like. god. threw me right back to autumn troupe. I kind of love that the storytelling format itself is so distinct for autumn! the moment I realized it was omi I started getting teary… like oh man oh man… omi…. And the connection with him taking photos! ahh!! now that I think about it… omi kind of seems a bit like early version tsumugi, huh? also I keep forgetting this man is a college student lol. suspension of disbelief I suppose. onto the play i think like. mankai should invest in a fainting courch for tsuzuru. i also went to watch the play and 1) im betting yuki had a hell of a time costume design wise like the vines on the body? such fun costuming wise and 2) the ethical implications of whatever this play has,,, fun fun. tsuzuru was clearly having some kind of thoughts. i love zeros design and am always up for a3 characters crossdressing bc 1) i think its fun and 2) the costume design. i also dearly wish this whole thing was animated bc I feel like it’d be o fun to see taichi act as zero. or at least I hope this event gets full voiced one day... moving on to the scene where omi adds soy sauce to the paella I know it’s just like haha homare funny so lets five him a lil bit but like everyone in autumn troupe making their comments on the paella and like homare just jumping in. homare autumn troupe besties. just thinking. also the way they just r like. no no no omi it’s fine if u made a mistake!! it’s ok! we like it (you) anyways <3 it’s got it’s own special taste. something something omi’s perfectly pleasant as he is now but even if he weren’t on his a-game and was dealing with all of the biker gang stuff they would love him just as hard. another thing that got me was omi telling banri that he’ll give him something sweet so juza will stop grinding his teeth in his sleep… guys… guys you’ll give him cavities…. mb omi is a college student after all lol.

anyways when i saw the actual costumes. appreciative of them, i like the lil circuit-esque detailing on banri’s outfit, and that sakyo and taichi (nine and zero) both share that like collar detail? its very symbolic and probably also literal but its a nice way to sort of signify their relation to each other visually! also sakyo just looks nice. seeing him without glasses is so great. whoever thought up the like two mole detail for him was doing gods work.

something that confused me was ryo mistaking juza for nachi for a split second? like. does juza… look similar to nachi? or was it just that ryo only heard juzas voice and made that mistake. if it’s appearance wise too. kumon nachi confirmed. I’m joking lol bc I feel like I would’ve heard at least something abt it in one of the like small conversation comments, plus that doesnt seem like itd fit summer troupes style and kumon is for sure the wrong age… but still.

i really like how for this event, the roles for taichi and omi were kinda reversed. and taichis just so like. idk. smiley. rly lifts ur spirits. its kind of nice how this event contrasts to that cg where taichi is crying on omi. I also think like. idk. considering the story of the stranger. wolf gives zero a sense of purpose and life and I think that zero helps wolf lose his apathy. it’s about “the stranger” and the ending makes him like… not a stranger, right? because he’s got a companion. in the same way, taichi brings omi out of his emotional isolation. the picture taking! also the stickers coming back… thats such a good setup! the found family of it all!!

when he was trying to work out zeros character as soon as taichi mentioned a sharp speaking style I KNEW it was Yuki… yuki would never be as honest as zero is though lol… to me i imagine she’s got a sort of juza internal monologue feel? anyways. the taichi yuki dynamic intrigues me. havent yet decided how I feel abt it but when I do… yes. sorry that I make literally no sense. I think it’s very obvious that yuki is my fav chara kind of? I’m just. hmmm it makes me think! I’ve been monologuing to myself abt the yuki and juza dynamic lately which, to my a3 knowledge so far, doesn’t exist, but its ok bc I’ll make it exist! uhhh anyways this event was very good i liked the pacing. i think it didnt drag too hard and it really properly honed in on just omi and taichi, which was quite nice. they really did a lot for just an event!

time to listen to the event song,,, ok so. ah. i rly enjoyed just for myself it was very much to my taste so. out of curiousity i was like ok lemme look up the composer / producer AND IT WAS YUYOYUPPE....... that guy is like!!!! one of my FAV producers ever!!!!!! i know him from like. his vocaloid days and god leia is still one of my fav songs to this day...! this knowledge gives me so much joy omg!!! like wow!! wowwww!!! like i knew yuyoyuppe was out there doing other stuff (i know he worked on a lot of babymetal music which is cool) but like idk. to suddenly encounter it like this. heheh.... its so nice! made me soooo happy. going to relisten to leia now haha

WAIT ONE MORE THING. i was like "haha let me look at other songs i remember liking a lot" which. for me was rakuen oasis and don't cry. anyways. rakuen oasis is ALSO by yuyoyuppe???? oh my god!!! oh my god... sigh. feel like im in heaven.

OH HI FRIEND!! so good to see you with an a3 update!! :D

godd yeah The Stranger started so strongly and the idea to still incorporate portraits in his story was really something to make us cry!

And linking Omi and Tsumugi like this is pretty interesting :O <hat is your reasoning exactly? :O

For the fainting couch for Tsuzuru LMAO and i'm letting you know there's a webcomics that addresses it in Act 2 (hough there's no spoilers aside from the fact Chikage is here)

Im glad you liked the costume and the play!!! yeah i love the designs and it is always a blast to see them this into it, and yeaaah Tsuzuru has thoughts huh. It'll get voiced sooner than later hopefully and there we'll see more in details :3c but also that's what made the seiyuu live so fun bc they perform the songs in play cosplay and replay a bit of the play everytime and it's *chief kiss*

HOMARE AUTUMN TROUPE SOLIDARITY YES. LOVING IT.

And yeah the scene itself was so cute TwT they all want to reassure Omi and be there for him it's so sweet :( but yeah i love how you say it all, Omiimi TwT

and dLKFJDFLKJFDFD Giving Juza cavities is the price to pay for sleep i guess??

yeah agreed on the costume they all look so cool! and nice catch on how those three seem linked like that with their costumes, Yuki (and the designers) does such a good job! and god yeah for Sakyo.. yeah. He has sucha good design dLKJFDF

aND DLKFJD yeah no Juza is supposed to look like Nachi physically, but mostly his face? like i think Nachi was had green hair? we see a sprite of him in a future story, and yeah, everything is in the eyebrows. so Kumon should be safe? Omi mentions he sees a lot of Nachi in Juza, and while it is mostly due to their passions i think, the fact they're also rough looking guy with a heart of gold must play a part as well. but yeah, he does look like Nachi a bit.

and i love your deeper analysis of the event yeah!!

I feel like Taichi is really an emotional core of the troupe in the sense that is, he tends to catch on what others are feelings easily. And he uses it in the early chapters to ease off the tensions and stuff, but he was being held back by knowing he was deceiving them. So now that he's more free, he can be more of himself. but yeah i also love the contrast with how Omi was the one to help Taichi through his breakdown and guilt, and now it's the other way around, it's Taichi helping him through it. and the parallelism between the play and their dynamic is spot on imo! well said!!

and god yeah the sticker things made me cry sO HARD, and the pictures! and everything!! sobs it's such a sweet found family i'm going to cry :(

And! i love what you say about Yuki, Taichi and Juza on this one. I love that Taichi keeps bringing it back to "that childhood friend" and it's always like. so obvious who it is for us rip. But it can make you wonder if Yuki was more honest as a kiddo when Taichi knew him, though now he's clearly not. I love the mention of how Zero is more like Juza's internal speech (which, if anything is another argument about why you should let Juza wear a dress, cOWARD)

but also your mention of the Yuki and Juza thing, while i can't think of them having a dynamic per se yet, but i actually wrote a post during my reread about how i was baffled at the fact they treated Muku the same way?? like both of them tried to push Muku away because they were scared of how people would react if they say pure, sweet Muku was associated to them. And i find it fascinating because i guess those two are pretty aware of how the world see them, and it used to stop them from fully allowing them to be themselves.

I also find it relevant with the fact Yuki says in his personal song that while all of this way people judge him weight on him, he rather be himself, and "I want to love myself". Meanwhile we have Juza who's also aware of the way people judge him and it weight on him, and he wants to change himself from this person he hates, this self loathing - and in a way, he can grow in a way to be "someone" he may not hate, even on stage. I feel like those two have quite a bit in common in this way of being rejected by their peers in some sort of way.

I really want them to share some stuff at some point because there's really a groundwork on it all :(

But i'm really glad you liked that event!! agreed on the pacing and i do love what it brings to the characters! it really fleshes them out and have them move forward a little and it's pretty sweet.

AND OMG THAT'S SO COOL FOR THE SONG!! i'm so glad you liked it, but that's incredible it turned out to be from one of your fav producer!!! ahah sometimes life is like that where you end up finding the stuff you loved back into new stuff! and the fact Rakuen Oasis was from him as well... that's so cool!!! just, so so cool!

im pretty sure he has more songs going forward so i hope you'll enjoy the ride even more!!

thank you once again for sharing your thoughts about a3 :3c it always makes me so happy to see them!!!

Thank youu <3 have a good day :3c

[katslitg]

how the open heart lis would react to you being pregnant. (obvs jackie’s pregnant in her scenario.)

Jackie Varma:

god she’d be pissed!!!!!!

“what do you mean positive??? check the other ten tests!!!!”

“jack, all of them say posi-“ “shut up!!!”

she’d be mad, mostly at herself for not being careful enough

pregnancy on top of money problems is rough

good thing you two already live together

wouldnt acknowledge it until she started showing

“dr varma, ure pregnant???” “yeah, just ignore it.”

shed ignore you at the beginning, not knowing what to do

“jackie, c’mon, you cant keep ignoring me! it takes to two to tango!” “i can and i will,”

when you finally force her to come shopping for baby clothes, supplies, furniture etc, she loves it

“omg look how adorable! can you believe our baby’s feet are this small!”

she’d become insecure further into the pregnancy

“what if im not going to be a good mom, hm?”

“don’t say that, jack, you’ll be a great mom,”

you two would move into the your room, since it had a better view and change her room into a nursery

the boys would help you put everything together.

“bryce, that’s not where its supposed to be- ykw forget it.”

“jesus, dr ramsey do you even know how to-“ bryce would shut up just seeing ethan give him a glare

“see i knew raf would come around to save the day” she’d flirt with him, making him blush

cutest mood swings ever!!!

“all im saying is he’s a fucking jerk and i- ohhh sienna are those donuts?”

jackie would get stressed at the weirdest moments, and you kiss her and cuddle with her to calm her down

“mc, you know i hate kids, why did this have to happen to us!!!!”

she’d slowly come to terms with the fact that she was going to become a parent

god giving birth would scare this woman, and trust me not a lot of things scare her

“mc, what if-“ “jack, breath, everything will be fine!”

when you two found out you’d have a daughter she smiled

“at least i wont have to deal with a little mc” she’d joke

when she got in labour she’d curse at everyone!!!

“AND YOU! YOU MC ARE THE WORST ONE HERE! GETTING ME PREGNANT AND THAN MAKING ME DO THE HARD PART I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!”

“uhhh....”

after a couple of years, the three of you would move into a bigger apartment, still close to the hospital

god, your daughter absolutely lovessssssssss aunt sienna and uncle elijah!!!! these two dorks would hang around with her all the time

“dad, can i stay at aunt sienna’s after school?”

“she’s working today sweetheart but mommy will be there to pick you up”

you two would have some sweet, annoying nicknames for her

love, sweetheart, sugar, honey etc

Bryce Lahela:

he’d be excited and scared

he would freeze when he found the positive pregnancy test in his trashcan

“i wanted to tell you but seems like you already found out,”

he’d shut you out and be less loud at work

“bryce, please talk to me” “uhh, cant have a long shift today”

but one day you’d show up to his apartment, keiki opened the door

“oh hey keiki, is bryce home?” “yeah come in”

youd try to get him to talk but man he was not feeling it

“i just need some space mc,”

wouldnt even take a week for him to come over and apologize to you

“im just not sure if i’d make a good dad, i mean i had two bad examples growing up, what if i-“

youd cut him off with a kiss

“no need to stress, bryce, im certain you will make a great dad!”

you two would have to look for a bigger place, and also someone to fill your spot at the apartment

sienna, elijah and jackie would help you decorate the nursery

“jackie those colours do not match with the blankets i bought” sienna would say while jackie just rolled her eyes

“well maybe you shouldn’ve bought so! many! blankets!” jackie said while holding up multiple blankets

“guys please its mc and bryce’s child we can’t fight over this” elijah was the only one who would think rationally

when you found out you were having a son bryce almost jumped into the air

“a little bryce,,,,” he’d say with heart eyes, making you roll your eyes

when you went into labour, he’d be the one freaking out

“can’t believe im saying this when im the one in labour, but good god bryce calm down!”

uncle raf!!!!! aunt kyra!!!!!

rafael and kyra would absolutely adore your son!!!! theyd fight over whose turn it was to babysit

“kyra, you had him last weekend!” “but mc said he always talks about how fun aunt kyra is!”

“why dont you two take him to the park together? he loves both aunt kyra and uncle rafael equally” bryce would say, making the two adults reluctantly agree

“finally a moment alone with the woman of my dreams” he said the second they left, making you chuckle

keiki would hang out with your son. occasionally.

“aunt keiki can you read me a bedtime story?” “right. im aunt keiki.”

she’d love it secretly

Rafael Averio: (pretending sora doesnt exist here lol)

this man would beam with joy!!!

he had always dreamt of having a big family of his own

“youre pregnant?” “yeah.... i-“ he’d kiss you before you could even say anything else

would brag to everyone about it

“do you guys know im goin-“ “going to be a dad? yes raf you told us like a million times” his paramedic friends would say

it was even funnier when you saw how some people avoided him because of it

would not leave ur side

“jesus ever heard of personal space?” “oops sorry”

he’d be at ur apartment all the time

“raf, not that we don’t enjoy you being here but don’t you idk have other friends?” jackie would try to get him out of the house

sienna’d be fine with it since he would help her cook n bake stuff

“i didnt know you cooked!” “not really just some stuff i picked up from my grandma”

he’d sleep over at your apartment

when you got insecure he’d talk to you and make u forgot about it in a certain way ;)

“what if im not a good mom? or what if your fanily doesn’t approve of me?? oh good god this is not going how i imagined-“ “relax, you know my family loves you, now get over here”

you’d move in with him, and get someone to fill ur spot in the apartment

the two of you going to the senior center together!!!

“now edith you better not get to comfortable” you’d joke, earning a laugh from rafael

kyra and bryce would come over and help with the nursery, of course it was after the boys’ gym day so bryce dragged ethan with them

“hey gu- oh hey dr ramsey!” you’d say with a bright smile when you opened the front door.

“kyra not that i dont love you but what even is this?” “yeah i tried to make a blanket but as you can see it backfired”

“uhm ethan you sure that this is the color we picked out?” bryce would panic, knowing damn well they didnt do the one you asked them to do right

“well good thing aunt kyra did got the good color” she’d go get it from the car while the two men started at her in confussion

when you found out you were having a girl he got super excited

“a little mc running around the house” he’d say, already coming up with names

when you’d go into labour he’d put up a calm gentle persona while in reality he wanted to screammmmm

uncle bryce n aunt jackie!!!

u cant tell me bryce n raf havent become close friends

“hey dad can uncle bryce and aunt jackie stay for dinner?” “sweetie youre ignoring the rest of our guests”

even tho they would admit it bryce and jackie loved babysitting her

“do you want to come with uncle bryce?” “bryce thats enough its MY day!”

his family would come around often, bringing gifts every single time

his grandma would try to get him to propose, earning glares from him

when your daughter heard juliana say something along the lines of “when is the wedding” she’d get super excited!!!

“are you two really getting married??!!”

Ethan Ramsey:

you two would already be in an awkward position bc of the gwyneth thing

what was worse was that he admitted to not wanting to get married and have children

god, that little fight on the way to leland and at house took a toll on you, so when june came to check on you back in the hospital you told her

“so, youre pregnant?” “yeah” you’d sob

she wouldnt force you to tell her who the dad is, but it was obvious

before the fight you’d always come to the diagnostics team’s meetings with a smile on your face but now it was a neutral face or sometimes even a frown

soooo ethan found out. not directly from you, but from june, resulting in another fight

“you told june but not me?” “you dont even want kids i cant just casually bring it up!”

the awkwardness would be there for a while, im talking 2-3 months

“enough already! you two talk this out! not only is this bad enough for the two of you but also for me and baz! think about us! and our patients!” june’d snap one day

you’d talk it out, still awkward around each other

“jesus, ethan we can’t keep doing this, i have an appointment to check on the little one, you want to join?” you would try to keep the awkwardness at a certain level, he’d nod with a smile on his face

so when he found out he was having a son, he’d be happy, still very scared but very happy

“im sorry, mc. i acted as a jerk and didnt listen to your needs. i want to be in your and our baby’s lives.”

he’d ask you to move in with him, which you reluctantly agreed to, i mean there wasnt even enough space for a nursery in your apartment

sienna would invite herself and elijah over to help you with the nursery , since they knew about you two since that time after the hearing

“thank you, trinh,” ethan would say as he accepted the cookies she had baked

“i helped too. just so you know” elijah chimed in, earning a chuckle from you

god labour was the worst, you had to do an emergency c section since it was a bit too early for the baby to be born

so when they send your son off to the nicu, ethan would be there the whole time, very worried

“dr ramsey, you should go we’ll take care of him” the nurses would try to get him out of there with no luck, “no its fine i just want to stay here”

when you two could finally go home he would make sure to never youre side

“mc do you need anything? want me to bring you something to drink? maybe an extra blanke-“ “ethan shut uppppppppppppppppp its 3 am”

of course your friends would come over but not as often since they had to take care of their interns and stuff

uncle baz and aunt june!!!!!

“AUNT JUNE!!!!” he’d yell when you, june and baz picked him up from the daycare at the hospital

“wow so youre just ignoring uncle baz?” baz would act hurt, making the boy laugh

[penzyroamin]

Food and sharing food continues to be a recurring motif in “tied together”. What was your thought process around that? How do you see that connecting to some of the central themes and concepts in the story as a whole? (And, if you would like to go into this, how do you see food and sharing food playing out in the messy au where David will also be cooking but in a completely different context/power dynamic?)

HAHAHAHA! I CAN FINALLY TALK ABT THIS WITHOUT SEEMING LIKE F SCOTT FITZGERALD BEGGING PEOPLE TO KNOW WHAT THE GREAT GATSBY WAS!!!!!

okay. im calm now.

so for a couple years now i have deeply and secretly loved the concept of food as a symbol for community. i didnt use it in fic for a long time for a variety of reasons. one, it just never really felt right. two, my love of this symbol is very much connected to my southern-ness, and while im sure many people have just as strong, if not stronger connections between food and community, i didnt really know if people reading my stuff would Get It or connect w it.

i finally decided to use it for tied together for two reasons. first, this is my most definitively southern fic. ive written other fics with Humid Small Town Energy but this is my first that i really let myself go “fuck it. crawfish boils. hurricanes. middle aged women with crushes on jim cantore.” as such, it felt like if i was going to go for this symbol at any point, it needed to be with this fic. the second is that due to Pandemic and also living across the country from the majority of the family i grew up with, i have been kind of starved of community experiences as of late. i wrote tied together entirely during a period when i havent spent time with anyone besides my immediate family, so i was really thinking about community and the nature of it and how fucking badly i wanna have a massive meal with people and hence... this symbol

with the background of my decision to include it covered, let’s get into how it appears in tied together!!

in chapter one, the majority of food’s appearances are... impersonal, if that makes sense? its all premade, whether its drive-through stuff, tv dinners, etc etc, and he doesnt know the person who made it. its also worth pointing out that around the time jack and his mom stop sharing meals is the point they become disconnected from each other. essentially, that’s the disconnect from community throughout jack’s early life

davey comes around and it. is pretty obvious from the start that, through this symbol, he is the Literal Embodiment Of Connection To The People Around Him. food was a really key way for me to show just how connected he is to his community-- he’s constantly cooking for other people, working for battalion, helping people get good food, contributing recipes to little cookbooks. the end chapter also nods to this in the scene w his family where esther mentions he made her teach him to cook for a group, and the conversation afterwards where he mentions that he wouldn’t be comfortable with people paying him to make them food or making food for strangers. cooking for other people is essentially davey’s way of nurturing the community around him and becoming closer with people, so to make food in an impersonal way goes against everything he knows about food and sharing it. the interactions he has through food represent the larger relationships and interactions he has within his community. juxtaposed to jack, he’s built this little world around him filled with people that he loves and cares for, even if that does lay a heavy burden on him at points. if i ever write something delving deeper into davey in this au, i’ll elaborate further-- but, essentially, davey’s role as The Provider of food for the people around him was a real stand-in for the way that he feels both within his family and his larger community.

think of it this way-- in all the scenes we see with davey cooking at a large event-- i.e., the crawfish boil-- he’s always pushed off to the side by that. there’s usually someone talking to him or checking in on the food, but he’s not able to be engaged in the larger hubbub and discussion of the party because he’s busy. it’s in providing food for people and sharing that with him that he gets fulfillment out of the experience. in his family, we see that davey is a little bit isolated. he was growing up at the exact time when mayer’s alcoholism was getting worse and hitting its peak, and he left before mayer ever really managed to get very far into recovery. his time in their house, essentially, was a lot of heavy lifting and few moments of solidarity and joy. he loves his family, of course, it’s just a very labor-intensive process. and then, of course, he has a similar experience to what a lot of southern marginalized people feel-- this intense need to care for and better your community when your community very frequently doesn’t care for you. davey has absolutely zero capacity for apathy in this au, and it definitely shines through with this whole dynamic. he works SO HARD to care for people, even if he isnt always able to fully enjoy being around them and being loved by them

and then, of course, you have the way davey and jack interact through this motif-- davey teaches jack how to cook, gives him a cookbook, invites him over for meals, etc etc. sharing that with him essentially represents welcoming jack into his community as a whole, and giving him a place there. jack mentions davey “clearing a spot at the table” for him, and that’s both literal and figurative.

additionally, while davey uses food as a way to bring jack into his community, jack also makes davey a little less isolated. in a lot of the scenes in chapter 5, theyre cooking together, in a very domestic, symbiotic sort of way. i wanted this to demonstrate how jack relieves some of the burden davey puts on himself and exists sort of Within davey’s bubble rather than just reaping the benefits

i also wanted to illustrate with this how jack repairing his relationship w food keys into this. obviously we have the disconnect that he has early on where his unfamiliarity w what he eats and who makes it represents a larger disconnect between him and the people around him, but jack does also absolutely use food as a coping mechanism and a crutch. not to get, again, TOTALLY gatsby here, but he’s chasing that sense of community and belonging and understanding in the wrong places. it’s once he begins to actually make food for himself and understand the process of it and be able to carry something through to completion that he’s able to actually Enjoy food, yknow? i wanted that to mirror the way throughout the earlier parts of his life that he tried to kind of slap up temporary relationships and make do with that. 

side note about jack and food: jack has undiagnosed adhd (and some vague comorbidities rip) in this au, and his experiences with it i preeeetttty heavily lifted from my life and my special brand of fucked in the head. (for those of you who don’t know, carb and sugar cravings are a symptom of adhd, hence why food is often a coping mechanism for us fhskdhs). cooking and baking are processes that have REALLY helped me get a handle on myself-- it gives me an outlet for movement and stimulation, and its something that i can carry through till the end and get an actual end product that i can recognize and benefit from. plus, real time consequences if i let something do whatever for ten more minutes! so thats another element i added to the way that jack builds healthier coping mechanisms over time-- he moves away from food as a crutch and instead develops a new form of CREATING that gives him an outlet and a feeling of productivity

those are some Vague thoughts. i will probably elaborate in the future!

now, for the messy au, rather than food symbolizing community, i chose to have it represent vulnerability.

a quick review: jack married rich, and davey is jack’s new wife’s cook. on his wife, dorothy’s part, i wanted this to shine through in this squeaky clean, pristine image that a lot of rich people try to craft. she never cooks for herself, never pays much attention to davey, never draws attention to him. in essence, she is creating as few weak spots as possible-- she refuses to be vulnerable to the people and the society around her.

with davey, however, his and his family’s livelihood depends on him cooking for this woman, and later for her and her husband. he’s forced into this position of extreme vulnerability and weakness by his financial situation, and cant really regain his sense of privacy or self because of that. its also a point in this story that he has very little time or wherewithal to cook for his FAMILY. so, his job forces him into a vulnerable situation with complete strangers who hold an upper hand over him but denies him the opportunity to be vulnerable with his own family, only reinforcing this idea that he is the protector and the provider and as such cannot have weak spots and cannot, under any circumstances, break

it also really highlights the difference between jack’s relationship with his wife vs with davey and smalls-- all the scenes of he and dorothy eating together are in grand, fancy rooms, with a certain amount of pomp and circumstance and dignity attached. with davey and smalls, though, he’s usually in the kitchen, having conversation, enjoying their company, helping them with menial things. that’s an environment that he’s used to and comfortable with, the kind of relationships and interactions he grew up with, while the stuffiness of his life and interactions with dorothy are entirely less vulnerable and close

that’s just a brief overview, but its something to look for when i finally finish the fic! it definitely started as a very soapy sort of thing, but my damn instincts pushed me to delve deeper into the characters and their relationships and the fucked-up-ness of it all. so, here we are

i really hope this helped!!!! this is not organized AT ALL so please tell me if there’s anything else you wanted to know or any details you noticed

[harryseyebrows]

so here’s my peace on the article, not that anyone asked. and im sure i’ll get shouted at BUT, here goes. 

i think the very nature of fandom is to direct a lot of time, energy, emotions into a single entity, whether that be a person, group, book, show, etc. i think its safe to assume that in most cases, we enjoy that particular entity because it appeals to us, and perhaps on some level, an element of it/them rings true with a part of ourselves. i joke and say that we didnt pick harry and instead he chose US, harry potter sorting hat style. but what i think is that it speaks (potentially) to something deeper: that there’s an unspoken feeling, instinct, etc that drew us to him, and has kept us here this long. 

when you put that type of energy into someone (someone who feels larger than life a lot of the time, but we must remember that he’s a real human person with a life and feelings and sides of himself that we might never be privy to), i think it’s only natural to have some unrealistic expectations and wants regarding aspects of that person. what’s unique (or not that unique, i dont know as i dont follow anyone else as closely as i do him) about a sizable chunk of harry’s fan is that a lot of us are lgbt. and with that comes a whole slew of very complicated feelings. a lot of us know better than anyone what its like to totally hate the idea of someone prying into your personal life. the uncomfortableness that comes with someone asking you a question where you know the answer you give is going to affect how they see you. we know what it’s like to desperately want some type of representation; the sheer joy of finding out that someone you admire is like you in some way. and grappling with feelings that are seemingly on opposite ends of a spectrum of happiness and anger isnt easy. at our cores, i would like to hope that we’re all decent people (and while im here, being lgbt does not make you exempt from criticism or being shitty, despite what some might like to think) who have a firm grasp of understanding on how invasive and unnecessary it is for people to be picked apart about their sexuality/gender; that a person should be allowed to exercise autonomy and say ‘im not obligated to explain myself or how i feel’. however, i do think that a part of human nature, from the time we learn to speak and pester people with questions of ‘why’ and ‘how’, that we’re often insatiably curious. we like definitive answers. we like having something tangible to hold onto. throw in the undeniably confusing phenomena that seems to surround the concept of celebrity, where once a person becomes famous, their whole life and self should be available for public consumption at all times, and you have a cocktail for some weirdness. 

i have found myself guilty of being frustrated by harrys...aloofness. his desire for ambiguity. ‘why doesnt he just say SOMETHING’ or ‘i would like a more clear answer’ pop up frequently, usually when quotes and interviews like these arise and stir up feelings that are usually more dormant and placid. but, then i take a step back. and remember that im not entitled to anything. none of us are. we’re very luck he shares with us the things he does. ive come to realize that there is nothing more authentic than his palpable trepidation whenever the subject of sexuality is brought up. how would i feel, in his shoes? probably not very good. i wouldn’t want to be needled and questioned. i haven’t even told my parents about how i identify, never mind the whole world. ive also been guilty of questioning the vague nature of his quotes. text is a funny medium--tone can be interpreted many ways when youre not hearing the person speak, when youre not able to see their expressions. ive thought ‘maybe im projecting too much. maybe he actually means this’ re: ‘ive never felt the need to label myself’. and, as much as anyone doesnt want to hear it, there’s still the possibility that we could be reading it wrong, and thats okay too. but harry asking ‘why’ regarding the reason behind being asked in the first place, saying that its not a case of sitting on an answer to keep it from people, saying ‘who cares?’ needs to be taken for what it is. 

i understand, selfishly, where the interviewer was coming from with ‘unless the person behind it happens to be a straight dude, sprinkling lgbtq crumbs that lead to nowhere.’ it perhaps could’ve been handled more delicately, and i think its definitely a tad aggressive when harry seemed done with the question already, but i get the sentiment. and that just brings me back to my original point: that we know what the boundaries are, we have the understanding that harry doesnt owe us any explanations, but we’re still curious. ive seen a lot of people upset that the question was even asked, people upset that they didn’t get the answers they might have been after, and people asserting that they know the real truths behind harry’s words/thoughts/actions. there’s hope for 2 of those 3 groups. for the first, i try to remind myself that harry has a good head on his shoulders. he knows how to stand up for himself (this interview proved what we already knew). his words alone have filled me with a sense of confidence that he simply does not give a fuck about what other people think or say. for the second group, if youre feeling a little stung, i want you to think about why. why is it so important to you that he say one thing or another; your priority should be yourself. stop putting so much stock into the identity of others. wanting to connect and share a thread with another person is totally natural, but you have to remember that harry is a real person who isn’t existing to support you or be a performance of your hopes and desires re: what you want from him. step back and reflect. sometimes its not the initial thoughts, but how you change and learn. as for the third group, if youre not harry styles or have not been informed via harry styles himself about anything regarding his identity, you dont know shit. you can interpret things any way you want, but don’t make sweeping statements and pretend to be enlightened when youre no better than the people who assume he’s straight, no matter how you justify it to yourself under the guise of support and understanding. and that’s all i have to say

[spelling-checked-mostly]

Idk if you do fic writing but maybe GO -because I'm obsessed and "nanny, why are you crying?" Idk. Kinda feeling angsty. If you don't do fic that's cool too. Idk, feeling bored in here on this Friday afternoon... iloveyourworkpleasestartpostingagainokaythanksbye

Oh uh... wow okay hi. I do write fic, thanks for the prompt. I'm not great at angst /lies/ but I can try. Note that I am typing this on my phone. Warlock was singing- internally of course. Nanny wouldn't approve of the future ruler of hell literally singing. Unless of course, he sings queen. So Warlock sang internally, voicing his joy only in his head. “Yes father, I would love to go.” It’s the first time he has really been allowed to go to an event like this. “I can behave. I promise.” “I’m sure you will not embarrass me. Especially with your nanny there to keep you in line.” Crowley's head shot up. He had very little interest in going to these events. Of the very few things humans did that he actually had an influence in- he hated dinner parties the most. He just found them dreadfully boring. “Yes sir, of course.” He wanted to sit in his room and drink that night out of existence. “I'll make sure Warlock is the perfect son.” As soon as his father had left Crowley told Warlock to go play in the garden. He followed of course. Hunting down the one being on this planet who would understand his opinions on the matter. “Sometimes, Francis, I really hate being perfect.” Crowley ‘leaned’ against a shrubbery and watched Warlock chasing after a rabbit he had found. “You are far too vain, my lady. Though that may be your only flaw.” Aziraphale stood, wiping the dirt off of his hands. “To what do I owe the pleasure of your company this afternoon?” Crowley sighs dramatically and looks away. “Do you recall, oh it wasn't that long ago of course you do, when politicians and debate first started developing into a less- er… civil manner. I suggested to some minister or some such that they all get together for a party.” Azira nods. “Honestly, they do seem to resolve things better when they are all in a good mood.” he sighs, “I suppose I should have thanked you for that.” Crowley shrugged. “But are the decisions they are making actually good ones? I had to use a lot of questionable logic to not get in trouble for that.” Aziraphale laughs, only a little. “Well anyway, I have to go to one with the antichrist. I can't imagine it will be enjoyable in the slightest.” And Crowley can see the way his angel physically deflates. Because something is wrong. “Everything alright Angel?” “Hmm? Oh yes, everythings just… tickety boo.” And Crowley rolls his eyes- not that you can tell, but he does it anyway. “We have been over this. No one who is tickety boo actually uses the term tickety boo. What's wrong, come on now tell me. We’re partners aren't me. If you have concerns about the child… or something else?” And aziraphale sighs, and frowns and crowley doesn't like it at all. “It's just… I've been thinking recently… Warlock is getting older and- and well he's not spending so much time at home anymore and you always go away with him and I-I just feel like when you go… I feel- you get more chances to tempt the child than I do is all.” And Crowley laughs. And Aziriphale will never tell him how much it hurts when he laughs at him. “Oh Angel, you should have told me sooner why- we could have certainly found some excuse for you to come with us. Might need a miracle but I can certainly work something out… If that's really what you are so down about.” And Azira forces himself to smile. And Crowley can see through it but he doesn’t say anything. And Warlock comes running over. “Nanny, nanny come look, I’ve killed it.” And Crowley smiles. And Azira gasps. And they go together to find the poor creature. “Very good.” “Now now, Warlock. We should respect and love all of god's creatures. How about a proper burial.” Aziraphale doesn’t give him a chance to argue. He takes the rabbit up in one hand and leads him over to a steadily growing wildlife cemetery. “But Nanny says that-” “The one thing you should respect is your elders.” Crowley smiles softly over at his Angel, even if there is no acknowledgement of what he has said. “Yess nanny, I’ll get the shovel.” “Thank you for that dear.” Aziriphale says it quietly and doesnt turn around. ~~~~~Convenient time skip for exposition~~~~~ “He called me dear. Can you believe that? I mean I know he does it all the time. It’s just his nature. He calls everyone dear. It just felt different this time, you know?” He continued gently misting his plants. “He's a terrible gardener, but I can forgive that.” There's a light rustling and crowley stops. Resting his hand on his hip with all his demon sass. “We have been over this. It’s not like that. Satan though, I wish it was. But could you imagine?” He laughs and goes back to tending his own little garden in his room. “I’d have to teach him how to dance though. Angel only knows one dance and-” “Nanny who are you talking to?” Crowley shrieks and spins and nearly sprays Warlock in the face with the spray bottle before catching himself. “I wasn't talking to anyone. Do not sneak up on me.” He sets the spray bottle down and leads them out of the side closet into the main area. “Sorry. I’m jsut bored because i was listening to father talk about work and i started thinking and - Oh yeah i came up to ask you something.” Warlock grins and Crowley can't figure out if he is proud of or afraid of the demonic gleam in his eyes. “Do you have a date for the party Nanny?” Crowley nearly falls out of his chair. “No-I- Well- Am i supposed to?” He straightens out his skirt and tries to compose himself. “Well, I was listening to father and he was talking about how one of his partners got a new girlfriend and father hates her but he just knows that his partner is going to bring this girl with him and it got me thinking that you are a fairly pretty woman. At least, far prettier than my friends' nannies so i figured you must be seeing someone.” Warlock pauses for air so Crowley takes the chance to cut in. “Well, if ruling hell doesn’t work out I suppose you could make a career in flattery.” He decides he is definitely not going to address the issue of his love life with the antichrist. “It's just that i'd really like to meet him. So i asked father if he hated all boyfriends and girlfriends or if it was just the man he works with and he said that they weren't all bad and he wouldn't even mind people bringing dates to things like this if they weren't so insufferable as that girl so i asked if he would let you bring your boyfriend and he seemed really confused but he said that your boyfriend couldn't possibly be as bad as that girl so as long as you do your job and i really want to meet him nanny.” And again warlock pauses for breath. This time Crowley doesn’t speak. He thinks for a moment before opening his mouth. “Say you’ll take him to the party or I- I’ll- when i take over hell i won't let you have sweets.” Crowley laughs. “Would it still be as exciting if you had already met him?” Crowley could laugh from the look on the boy's face. “You aren’t dating Clyde are you? It would be just like you to date another nanny and he's just so bossy and he doesn’t even believe ill take over hell and… I don’t like him or stupid Jackson and his stupid new toy train.” Warlock folds his arms over his chest and pouts. Crowley does laugh this time. “No, Clyde is too… too much of a nanny. No Warlock, I would be bringing Francis.” Warlock does not look as surprised as Crowley would have expected. “The gardener? I mean I guess I see it but he's so soft and you're so- uh..also soft. But like dark soft.” and crowley nearly growls. “I. Am. Not. Soft. And if you say it again you’ll be going to bed early.” He can hear the plants rustling behind the door. “Well it's just… he looks like he escaped from a male convent.” “A monastery?” “And you look like… you. Like you are waiting for people to find the body of your ex husband who disappeared three years ago so you can play the grieving widow and inherit his fortune.” “You are very creative, warlock. I am eager to see what your future looks like. Yes, seeing as I am aloud I will be bringing Francis as my date to the party. Go play in your room for a but, Nanny has something to take care of.” As soon as Warlock is gone Crowley pops back down to the garden. “Brother Fran- Oh don't scream Angel, it’s just me.” Crowley waits for him to calm down. “I told Warlock we are dating.” “You did what!” “Oh for Satan's sake angel I said don’t scream.” Crowley smiles and brushes his hair back. “Yes, Miss Ashtoreth, I won't scream but I must ask dear. You did what?” “Its brilliant really Angel. And Warlock gave me the idea. Maybe you really are having an influence on him.” The comment goes right over the angels head. “I've told him we are dating. Then you can be my date to parties and things. It’s fine with his father by the way. No miracle needed. You can have just as much chance to influence the boy as me.” And Azira smiles. And Crowley knows it's still fake but he can’t possibly figure out why. So he leaves it alone. “I guess when you put it like that it’s okay to lie.” Oh. Oh right. “Of course Angel. So may I tempt you to join me for a dinner party?” “I suppose. Yes. You could.” ~~~ Time skip because i hold all the power ~~~ “He said yes. Can you believe that. Of course he says its all a lie so he doesn’t really love me but i suppose we've known that this whole time haven’t we? Yes I suppose we have. We’ve been over this.” Rustling. Crowley sneers. “Oh you know what, shove it up your roots Phil. I would run you through the disposal if you weren’t the second most perfect specimen i’ve ever seen. Don’t tell the others of course. How will i strike the fear of- uh- me into them if they know i treat you like this.” ~~~ Time skip because that was just self indulgent~~~ "Oh, Miss Ashtoreth, who's your friend" Crowley cringes at the sound if that voice and grips Aziraphale hand a little tighter, trying to sink into the wall. "Not now Clyde, I'm trying to watch Warlock. Unlike some people, I take my job seriosly." "Oh please, what trouble can they really get into here? Be polite, introduce me." Crowley pouts. Legitimately pouts. And Azira pulls his hand away to offer it to 'Clyde' "I'm Francis, Lady Ashtoreth' partner." Warlock watches Crowley's mental battle to not rip Clyde's hand off when he reaches out. "Im Clyde, of course. I nanny for one of Warlocks friends. Miss Ashtoreth and I are very close, funny she didn't mention you." Azira laughs nervously. "Yes well, as a couple were fairly-" "Private." Crowley takes his hand bag and drags them away. "I hate that man. Honestly, he dares question the legitimacy of our relationship. We are perfect together." And Azira forces are smile. Because he knows. And Crowley can tell it's forced, but he doesn't press it. Because he doesn't know. "So this is the uh… boyfriend Warlock talks about" they spin to the new person, crowley doesn't let go of his hand. It's an awkward turn. "Yes Mr. Dowling." Crowley is beaming. And Azira hates it because his adversary is trying to tempt him again and he can't get in trouble. "I must be honest, I never would have suspected. Of course, my wife always has more of a sense for those things" he nods a little, like that makes sense. "Well sir, we do try to be professional at work." Wonderful excuse Crowley. A genius you are. "Thank you for allowing him to come with us though." "Yes well, you seem to still be watching after Warlock so I don't see the harm in letting you have some life" he sighs, looking around. "Er… would you mind telling Warlock he can't stay for dinner. There are really some important decisions to be made so we are rereading some ending the children home early." "Of course sir" Crowley was not looking forward to upsetting the antichrist. He resigned himself to it, and set about locating the boy again. Every person who cast doubt on his relationship with aziraphale upset him more until he was eager to get out. But of course, every time he looked back at his angel, Azira seemed to be having fun. Laughing and chatting with whoever they had bumped into. And of course, there were people who weren't entirely surprised. Which made it a little easier for Crowley to stomach socializing. Every chance he got to tell someone that he and Azira were dating, he took. He adored being able to say it. Although, he noticed, it did seem to put his date a little on edge. Finally they found Warlock. Or... he found them. "Nanny this is boring, I want to leave." Crowley sighed. "Well you're in luck. Your father is sending you home. Come on now, let's get your things." If crowley were anything other than a demon he might be ashamed to admit that he used a minor demonic miracle to get than hem out without people noticing. As an angel Aziriphale is rather distraught over his own use of a miracle to keep people from noticing them. On the drive home even Warlock can tell that it's tense. Azira waits for Crowley to put the child to bed before saying anything. But as soon as he walks down the stairs. "I can't do this." And he can see Crowley break. Anthony Janthony Crowley, demon from hell, nearly starts sobbing on the stairs. But only for the fraction of a second when that wave of emotion first hit's him can you tell. Then he carefully packs it away. "Can't do what Angel?" And Crowley knows. And aziraphale gives a sad little smile, because he knows. "We aren't right Crowley. Every single person could tell. You could tell" "Aziraphale it's not about what some stupud humans think. We are doing this because- so that you can spend a little more time with the kid. Put us on even ground. Who cares what people say. We can do this." And Crowley hates that he's practically begging and Aziraphale hates that he's practically begging and they both hate this situation. "I can't do this Crowley. I. Me. I cant. I'm an angel Crowley and it's just wrong to lie about something so... intimate. So human. It's wrong to lie to everyone." And Crowley can see that tidal wave comming in again. So why not swim out to meet it. In a flash he's right in front of his Angel. Holding his face. Pleading. "Why does it have to be a lie?" And he hates himself for leaning foreward and kissing that stupid, stupid angel. But for the briefest second he sees heaven. Then Aziraphale pulls away. "I've said it once, I'll say it hundreds of times. Until you understand. You go to fast for me" It crashes over him and he's drowning. "Go. Go away. Go back to your own house tonight. Don't bother comming in tomorrow. Itll be too rainy for you to get any gardening done" "Oh, Dear don't-" "Get. Out. Aziraphale." And he leaves. And the door closes. And Crowley barely makes it up to his room. He doesn't make it up to his room. "Nanny, why are you crying?" Warlock steps out of his bedroom door and puts a gentle hand on Crowley's arm. "That party was just so dreadful" and -for the first time since Warlock had learned to walk- his nanny picks him up, carries him to bed, and tucks him in. "Thank you, Warlock." And then he leaves. ~~~Time skip brought to you by a lazy author and stuff~~~ "He HATES me Phil." Crowley sits in the corner. To dry to cry. He just sits there, staring at the plant. "He he's me and you know what I hate me too and I bet you hate me. Warlock doesn't hate me though. The one person that I need to hate everything doesnt hate me." A dry sob shakes his rib cage. "I've made a discovery though. I do believe angel saliva is some weird form of holy water. I thought ink he was about to kiss me back. Right before he pulled away. His eyes were closed I know it." It's silent for far too long. "I love him, Phil." Ahnhdmhxnabdh I haven't gotten a prompt in like ever. I love you sm. I haven't written GO fic in forever. I did more research for this than for my actual writing projects because I did not preciously know what a male nunnery was called. This was fun. Btw- Phil is a fake plant. Crowley doesn't know yet.

[kawaii-puncher]

Character Chart

Character’s full name: Vera Ward/Draoskithe

Reason or meaning of name: Ward because she's an orphan and thats the last name they get, Draoskithe is her family name but she doesnt know that

Character’s nickname: Sparkles

Reason for nickname: She likes sparkles

Birth date: Nov. 9th

Physical appearance

Age: 23

How old does he/she appear: 23 but she probably looks 18

Weight: 156

Height: 5'7"

Body build: Fierce

Shape of face: I don't know enough about human anatomy

Eye color: Light Blue

Glasses or contacts: Nah she can see it all, 20/20

Skin tone: Pasety Sour Cream Child

Distinguishing marks: Birthmarks on her back that look like scars

Predominant features: Beautiful

Hair color: Pink

Type of hair: Soft, Long, and wavey

Hairstyle: That half up hairstyle but mostly down

Voice: uuuuuuhhhhhhhh

Overall attractiveness: 10/10, professional at the smolder

Physical disabilities: Super Clutzy and a Bad Ankle

Usual fashion of dress: Fancy

Favorite outfit: A turtle neck, cute skirt, leggings and cute shoes

Jewelry or accessories: Always wears a pair of black cross earrings

Personality

Good personality traits: Super kind and wnats to help everyone

Bad personality traits: Stubborn af

Mood character is most often in: Idk how to explain the mood, basically when youre in the whiney "whhhhhhhy" mood

Sense of humor: Cheesey Jokes

Character’s greatest joy in life: Dazzling the Room

Character’s greatest fear: Silence and complete darkness

Why?

Its creepy and unsettling

What single event would most throw this character’s life into complete turmoil?

Death Probably

Character is most at ease when: Spa Days or playing video games

Most ill at ease when: Someone is belittling her or treating her like she's an idiot

Enraged when: She thinks she did something great and is really proud and someone is like "well its not that great"

Depressed or sad when: Toy Story 3

Priorities: School/Education are at the top

Life philosophy: "Fuck it"

If granted one wish, it would be: To see a real life unicorn

Why?

Have you seen unicorns???

Character’s soft spot: She almost cried when looking at some kittens once

Is this soft spot obvious to others? No because shes allergic to a lot of animals (not all) so she stays away from them

Greatest strength: Thumb War and great at Lying

Greatest vulnerability or weakness: Parent Issues cause orphan

Biggest regret: Letting someone get close enough to her to break her heart and hurt her that badly, only she's allowed to put herself through that much pain

Minor regret: Saying yes to paying extra for rum in her milkshake on her 21st birthday

Biggest accomplishment: Not punching someone she really wanted to punch and just walking away. Also getting on the deans list

Minor accomplishment: Submitted art to a competition and heard some little old ladies talk about how much they loved her piece

Past failures he/she would be embarrassed to have people know about: Didn't know Reindeer were real until Highschool. Always thought they were made up like Santa. Also didn't know that you weren't supposed to eat mango skin the first time she had a mango, got weird looks

Why? Not street smart

Character’s darkest secret: She wishes she could just act out and destroy and break a bunch of stuff but she always feels like she needs to be on her best behavior

Does anyone else know?

No, its a secret

Goals

Drives and motivations: To be successful in life

Immediate goals: Good grades in school

Long term goals: Have a private lake and drink wine all day, relaxed

How the character plans to accomplish these goals: Work Hard

How other characters will be affected: she doesnt hang out all the time and puts school above everything

Past

Hometown: Seattle

Type of childhood: Grew up in a catholic orphanage

Pets: None

First memory: Crying because she tripped and a nun gave her candy and told her to keep it a secret between them

Most important childhood memory: Being told that she was still in the orphange not because no families wanted her but because the lord knew she was already with the family that would love her the most (it was nuns that told her that)

Why: Made her feel wanted

Childhood hero: She-ra

Dream job: To be a Journalist

Education: Highschool Grad, working on a bachelor's in college

Religion: Catholic but super chill about it

Finances: Not even enough for a chicken nugget

Present

Current location: Devildom

Currently living with: The Brothers

Pets: Does Mammon count?

Religion: Still catholic but now with a lot of Jesus puns

Occupation: Student

Finances: Still not enough for a chicken nugget

Family

Mother: Unknown to her but the name is Alice Draoskithe

Relationship with her: none

Father: Unknown to her but his name is Quincy Jameson

Relationship with him: None

Siblings: Half Brother on fathers side named Quincy Jr.

Relationship with them: None/ Jealousy later on

Spouse: None

Relationship with him/her: it would probably be good

Children: She accidentally killed a bamboo plants she cant be trusted with kids

Other important family members: Not family family but she grew up with 4 other orphans that were her best friends and Sister Helen was her favorite nun

Favorites

Color: Baby Blue and Gold

Least favorite color: Orange

Music: Legit all kinds but mostly a fan or Alternative Rock

Food: Mini Cupcakes are her favorite

Literature: Tess of the d'Urbervilles is her favorite novel, she wears a red bow from time to time because of it

Form of entertainment: Video Games or Drawing

Expressions: Happy? Honestly dont know about this one

Mode of transportation: Walking

Most prized possession: Her cross earrings

Habits

Hobbies: Drawing, reading, games, or gardening but shes really bad at it

Plays a musical instrument? No but she can play twinkle twinkle little star on an organ

Plays a sport? Please no

How he/she would spend a rainy day: Watching the rain and day dreaming

Spending habits: Clothes and Hair brushes

Smokes: nerds in games

Drinks: Wine. A Lot.

Other drugs: Edibles are cool

What does he/she do too much of?

Drinking

What does he/she do too little of?

Relaxing

Extremely skilled at: Organization

Extremely unskilled at: Gardening

Nervous tics: Nervously curls hair around finger or hums

Usual body posture: Confident

Mannerisms: Very Polite

Peculiarities: Always moving her hands and can't sit still, bites her lip a lot

Traits

Optimist or pessimist? Optimist

Introvert or extrovert? Introvert

Daredevil or cautious? Cautious when sober

Logical or emotional? She acts like she's more logical but 100% more emotional

Disorderly and messy or methodical and neat? Neat freak

Prefers working or relaxing? Working

Confident or unsure of himself/herself? Confident af

Animal lover? Yes

Self-perception

How he/she feels about himself/herself: Doesn't belong wherever she goes but she can act like she does, but deep down she knows she doesn't

One word the character would use to describe self: Hopeful

One paragraph description of how the character would describe self: I'm invited because I'm fun to be around but thats just an act and it's not really me... or is it? I don't know anymore

What does the character consider his/her best personality trait? Second Chances are always accepted

What does the character consider his/her worst personality trait? She allows second chances to everyone

What does the character consider his/her best physical characteristic? Really pretty hair

What does the character consider his/her worst physical characteristic? Dry skin

How does the character think others perceive him/her: they exist

What would the character most like to change about himself/herself: their personality to fit what they think is right

Relationships with others

Opinion of other people in general: Theyre pretty cool

Does the character hide his/her true opinions and emotions from others? When sober

Person character most hates: Elliot (an ex) and Henry ( the little shit that stole her cookies all the time in the orphange and lied about it but she knows it was him)

Best friend(s): Asmo and Mammon

Love interest(s): Lucifer and Solomon

Person character goes to for advice: Literally anyone, all opinions help her because she has no idea

Person character feels responsible for or takes care of: Herself

Person character feels shy or awkward around: Lucifer

Person character openly admires: Lucifer

Person character secretly admires: Solomon

Most important person in character’s life before story starts: No one

After story starts:

I HAVE NO CLUE

Got this from here