#like seriously ive thought abt it a long time. why else would we never see it actually used. he made that little girl a blankie

[hballegro]

i have more conspiracies about MASH that may or may not be true, but ive decided they are. they also just might have been explained, but im dumb, and cant remember. heres your sequel.

in 7x3 where hawkeye tackles bj, bj goes "AAH!' and hawkeye says 'WRONG! THAT STARTS WITH AN H!'. this is because mike farrell's line was 'hey!' but due to the force and drama of the scene, just Yelped instead.

All the dogs that turned up that never appeared again [like the one bj and hawk "ate" when they were trying to scare a visitor, dogs seen in 1 shot, etc] were just dogs that the production crew/cast owned and wanted to bring to work/volunteered their animal for acting duty

in the handful if scenes where hawkeye is actually knitting [and not using the red yarn, for the reason given in the previous edition], hes making a blankie for erin. [co-credit my sibling]

klinger got his ears pierced during the course of the show, starting with clearly just clip-ons and then later declares he doesnt want his ears to close up. some say continuity error, I say commitment (and also it would probably be easier to find real earrings instead of clip-ons)

in s7e2 Peace on Us, no one told bill christopher to tie that red streamer around his neck, he just thought it would be silly

in s7e2 Peace on Us, again, no one told alan alda to drive the jeep back to camp with his leg up like that. he just knows the character well enough to make that call. which he's correct about

the scar on hawkeye's lip was caused by a fishhook in his youth. got called Troutboy a long time afterward because of it.

bj is a vaseline girlie and takes good care of his hair as well.

hawkeye sniffs food because, having grown up partly during the depression, eating spoiled food was a real risk, so giving it a good ol' sniff-test was a given

fr mulcahy cares deeply about his appearance and engages in more grooming activities than any other guy in camp [the shower cap, always looking perfect, owning gardening gloves, manicured hands and feet, etc]. he even irons his stole on a bi-weekly basis and launders his clerical collars

hawkeye's issues with people leaving and not saying goodbye began with his mother after she passed, since his father didnt want him to worry

on nights where charles goes to bed after the other two, he will occasionally clean up a little bit. this contributes to why he's so pissed in 'Pressure Points'- he's been doing his own cleaning and some of theirs without them noticing or caring.

once again these are all just things that came to mind while watching, i didnt think too hard on them. the only one 'researched' on was the food sniffing, solely because i needed to do Year Math lol

[cubedmango]

Just had to get this off my chest but I just rewatched episode 12 and when I tell you the tears would NOT stop flowing like I have the nastiest headache right now I can’t believe myself?? There’s just. There was so much going on there like the fact that I realised I actually like tsuge and his character like his friendship with adachi is so solid and I realised that the conversation he had with him in the cafe, was exactly what he kinda should have had with kurosawa? (Like yeah they do eventually on the rooftop) but like that reassurance that the magic wasn’t what would make their relationship stable it was them actually just communicating with each other and getting to learn abt e/o that way, mistakes included like OOF I thought it was really nice cause it had the romantic aspect with him and kurosawa, but also him realising that it applies for any relationship including his friendships with people too I just. Man I love how they placed so much importance and value on all kinds of relationships with people you come across in life :( AND THEN the rooftop scene oh jeez,,, something funny I always wondered about was how long adachi was riding that bike cause we went from broad daylight to nighttime but ANYWAY can I just say hearing kurosawa say ‘adachi?’ In that soft, unsure voice as though he couldn’t believe his eyes felt like m*rder I had to pause and collect myself . also can I just say I forgot. How tender that entire scene is like that’s when I truly broke down because Are They Insane. What do you mean they have an entire conversation with kurosawa literally cradling the back of adachi’s head and there’s a moment there where he re-adjusts his hand and closes his eyes to breathe and naina I- I’m losing my mind why,, why did they have to invent gentle intimacy like that WHY? Okay lemme stop myself because I’m realising I could talk about that scene for 10 hours straight but can we seriously focus on the fact that even though they literally broke up kurosawa was ready to essentially propose if adachi somehow still showed up for their date. Like the levels to that make my head spin and i’m not even gonna touch on the fact that adachi immediately starts crying after that cause I will lay down and never get up like it probably set in again that the love kurosawa has for him is unconditional and like he just mentioned that he couldn’t possibly fathom anyone else having his heart apart from adachi like oh…. I’m so sorry this is unbelievably long but lastly I just wanna say that I know for sure they were called in the next day after kissing in the lift for a meeting with hr

1) do not apologize ever . actually u should send me more of these i need to read all of them ur thoughts are like tasty treats for my brain

2) honestly i thought i had nothing to add but actually i remembered a detail ive seen literally no one talk about that makes me so insane . so u remember how tsuge mentions that minato heard from rokkaku about krdc being off at work and thats why tsuge came to talk to adachi and ultimately gave him the push to go see kurosawa. Like?? rokkaku being that worried about his seniors who he cares about So Much is the One Single Reason krdc even met again that day .???? and then him and fujisaki doing their own fireworks show just to maybe make "someone feel happier" ouughghfgghhh ,, ,. rokkaku ultimate protector of the gays i love he.........

3) also tiny detail during the bit where adachi says he regrets it and hes being all self-deprecating and u can See kurosawa shaking his head not wanting adachi to talk about himself like that. whhwt .. why. who thought. w. hey ?? did they think about me?????? when they wrote that????????? Huh??????????????????????

4) why would u remind me of the head cradle i feel sick i .. i have to watch the scene 10 times again excuse me

5) again. the fact that kurosawa considered an Actual Miracle that adachi would show up and probably believed it wouldnt happen but he bought the pens anyway . and he knew adachi would be too embarrassed about rings. head in hands i cannot , fucking do this this show makes me so Unwell!!!!! Its Fucked UP !!!!!!!!!

[skitskatdacat63]

okay, i don't know why, but i have ALWAYS been like you described. i have so many movies, TV shows, books, podcasts, songs, etc that i want to experience but do i? nope, just put on another F1 race, please. i don't know if it's fear of the unknown (hello, flood of unexpected emotions!) or not wanting to challenge myself or also wanting to watch F1 and F1 just wins out, but here we are. i suspect it's part of my OCD? or some other ND thing that hasn't been diagnosed in me yet??

in fact prolly the only reason i watch F1 is bc i watch it with my sister. it is a lot easier to do new stuff with someone else...which deludes me into believing that if i just got a partner, we could open the floodgates and watch everything i haven't seen together, but lord knows it don't work that way 😑 in any case, i don't know what's wrong with us, but you're not alone!

I'm glad I'm not the only one!! 💕💕

(Reply ramble under the cut cause I wrote more than I expected)

I think I just struggle to start anything new or to finish anything. I totally agree with what you said about it being the fear of unexpected emotions/the unknown! Like for race seasons for example, I just spent a significant amount of time immersed in 2005 which is a specific set of information(you know: rules, strategy, drivers, etc.), so to start a new season would be a completely different set of info. As I said in my earlier tags, some part of me likes the anticipation more and also I always get way too hyper about things and that energy is overwhelming 😓 And I also feel like I have a fear about how much time I'm going to spend(which is stupid because I'll spend like way too much time aimlessly scrolling for the same amnt of time it'd take to watch a race.) Like the idea of specifically putting aside two hours to do only one thing is stressful to me, which is why I often used to like watching races when I literally couldn't do anything else(waiting for a class.) But now I'm stuck back in the cycle of not wanting to start something new, even if 2009 isnt exactly new because I've watched a lot of racing at this point, but still new enough to me that it's hard to convince my brain to start it. Like once I get into the groove of things, I can float through and enjoy myself, it's just that beginning barrier that's hard to get through.

I also definitely agree with having to watch it with someone else. I either have to binge watch things super quickly or watch them with other people, if not, I'll just end up never starting it or abandoning it. I think it's because it's really nice to be able to discuss your thoughts and feelings abt it with another person and not just be stuck with a million thoughts bouncing around your head(which is why I tend to make posts and then rant in the tags LOL)

I think thats why ive been able to get into F1 to such an extent and why it's been so fun for me. It's a live experience(with a strict time constraint, i.e. you can only watch it right here, right now) where there's a bunch of people watching and interacting. I love tumblr during a race weekend so much, I don't think I'd be obsessed with it as much if not for the ability to see everyone's reactions and interact back with them. I think that's why I struggle to start old seasons, because it's literally just me obsessing alone in my room and I can't talk about it to the extent that I can with the current season. Watching F1 as it goes along in a current season is just a perfect experience I guess, because the schedule pushes me along and I don't really have to rely on myself to keep going.

But yeah who knows!! Brain just being brain as always I guess, but it is annoying that it prevents us from doing things we want to do! But I will say, still, its so stupid that I procrastinate over watching 10 minute long YouTube vids LMAO, like pls I get the hesitation with a 2 hour race, 2 hour movie or 100k fic but, 10 minutes, seriously brain???

[wizkiddx]

ohmyword if your doing req can u pls do another fluffy, domestic one bcos honeymoon morning is some i read daily AHAH maybe like the reader gets ill and toms away or something???? pls just anything fluffy

awh thank you for being so sweet abt honeymoon morning - I do think that's one of my favourite concepts ive done!! and I hope this suits what you want, im not so sure myself but I tried :)))

summary: you try to hide being ill from Tom before he leaves but inevitably it doesn't all go to plan

warnings: mentions of being sick, I think that's all - basically just fluff 

|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

The night hadn’t really gone typically at all. Instead of relishing the last night with Tom for a few months, your body seemed to have different plans. Hence why now you were curled up in a ball on the sofa, staring blankly at the TV, while the washing machine whirred next-door in the utility room and the chemical smell of cleaning products enveloped the downstairs. At least when you were sick, you were a clean sick. 

You were also a quiet sick. You had been pulled from your sleep by the uncomfortable heavy sensation from your stomach barely an hour after you’d both headed to bed. Why was beyond you - what had been important in that moment was to get away from Tom. He was flying back to set tomorrow (or given the early hours currently, lunchtime today was more appropriate) and only had a single day to settle before launching back into filming. So the poor boy was inevitably, given time zones, going to be running on poor quality plane sleep for the next couple of days - you wanted to five him a final night of peace, at least. 

As a result, you’d crept downstairs and since then spent a large chunk of the night making good friends with the downstairs toilet bowl. Once you were absolutely certain there was literally nothing else in your stomach, you chucked some bleach down the loo; then stripped your *stained* pyjamas and chucked them in the washing machine; changed into some freshly washed stuff in the utility (comprising of joggers and one of Tom’s hoodies); before you could curl up in the corner of the sofa. 

And that’s how you’d been for an hour or so. Still feeling grim, unable to fall asleep as much as you were trying to and generally just lying in a ball of self pity. And that was fine… until you heard the unmistakable slow padding of footsteps down the stairs. 

“Love?… -hy’re you up?” His voice was drenched in sleep, making it pull on your heart strings, even before he had rounded the sofa and come into view. Dressed only in his heather grey joggers only, Tom’s curls sat ontop of his head wildly - sticking up at all ridiculous angles. And then there was his puffy eyes, barely open as he slowly processed the sight of you curled up on the sofa. 

“Just couldn’t sleep and didn’t want to keep you up tossing and turning. Why are you up bub?”

“Don’t sleep good without you… you know kicking me and stealing the duvet and stuff.” Never one to maintain a level of seriousness and ‘soppiness’ - it was instantly turned back to the typical relationship of the two of you. While rolling your eyes, you still chuckled at him in the low light of the TV. Tom took the opportunity to perch on the edge of the sofa, sitting so he was grinning loopily down at you. “You fancied putting a wash on too?” 

“...I don’t know just trying to be productive?” He was catching on, he was suspicious. You could tell. His eyebrows furrowed together and he delicately hovered the back of his hand over your forehead, feeling the undeniable heat radiate into his skin. 

“And bleach?”

“Toilet needed doing anyway.” You mumbled, head turning to stare back at the TV- knowing his eyes were piercing into your soul. He sighed, in your peripheries you could see him shaking his head in slight frustration, as his hand reached for yours, giving it a squeeze. 

“You’re ill aren’t you?”

“I’m alright-“ he cut you off with a low warning of your name, making you cower slightly because he’d caught you in a lie. “I threw up a couple times but now I just feel a bit ‘eugh’”. That was, to be fair, a completely truthful description of your evening and current situation. Maybe not put most eloquently but Tom definitely got the messsage, somehow reading your mind by lightly massaging your abdomen with his hand that wasn’t clasped with yours. 

“Come on... let’s get you back to bed.” As much as you wanted to argue with him, it was clear any attempt would be futile. One of things you love so much about Tom is how fiercely protective he is of those dear to him. His circles progressively shrunk as he learnt who he could trust and who ... well he couldn’t. The culling had left a handful of people who were almost central to Tom’s life - somehow you’d managed to wangle your way into these select few too. 

So no, there was not point arguing or suggesting he puts his own welfare first. 

After putting you back int the double bed, Tom had disappeared for 10 minutes or so, when he reinterred the room it was clear he’d been busy. His tongue was stuck out in focus as he tried to balance different mugs and plates on a tray to you. Even if you felt shitty, for a moment by just seeing how far this guy had gone for you - you’d never felt better. 

“Okay there’s some lemsip with honey to settle your stomach, water and a slice of toast just because you should probably see if you can keep something down.”

“You really are the sweetest.”

“And you’re the illest so get drinking love.” He laughed softly in the yellow glow of the bedside lamps that illuminated the room. It highlighted his prominent jaw line and the way his eyes crinkled in the corners and given your slightly off state, you might’ve spent a bit too long ogling at the man cosied up next to you. Never would there be a time you weren’t grateful for him. 

Turns out you couldn’t keep the toast down but the experience was somewhat less horrific - this time you were spilling your guts out into your ensuite, while Tom held your hair and rubbed your back. Eventually things settled, allowing The two of you nestle back into bed, Tom wrapping his arms round your stomach to lightly trace random patterns on the skin underneath your hoodie - as you nestled back into his chest more. 

“I really love you Tom”

“Love you darling, now get some rest and shout if you need anything.” You hummed lightly, almost letting go to sleep now your felt a bit less like your intenpstines were wringing themselves together. But not quite. 

“I’m gonna miss you and your stupid face.”

“We can talk about that when your better” It was as if Tom thought whispering and drawing circles on your stomach was going to deafen you to his words. Yes your stomach wasn’t having a lot of fun and you were tired - but you were not deaf. It was oh so predictable too, he loved to be absolutely ridiculous. Indignantly you huffed, rolling over and eyeing him intently. 

“What’s there to talk about?” 

“Just…. Just if your sick you shouldn’t be on your own. I could always just-“

“No no you couldn’t. You and me both know for a fact you do have a choice and even if you did it be pissing off a hell of a lot of people.” He pouted, you could tell even in the darkness of the night. 

“I hate having to leave you though, especially like this.”

“Yes but you love your work too. I’ll be here when you get back… maybe just with a bit less intestines.” Laughing at that, Tom pulled you onto his chest, pressing his tips to the crown of your head as your burrowed into his side. 

It can’t have taken more than 5 seconds for you to fall asleep, exhausted from the illness, the stupid time in the morning and maybe slightly for dealing with Toms idiocy.  

You were awoken in the morning to Tom stroking your hair gently, all dressed and ready for his flight - but still finding the time to fuss over you and wanting to say a proper goodbye. After practically ordering his to leave… you best believe he dropped in the fact he’d got both Sam and Harry to come round as your babysitter. 

He was an idiot. But he was your kind, caring , beautiful and loving idiot. 

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Texts from the Lost Tomb part 6.1

🎶 Back on the bullshit I never got off🎶

Is this another unnecessary story arc?? With three sections??

Yes.

Wushanju Crew Chat

Wang Meng: You know, I’m someone who appreciates consistency in my day. My life is pleasant, very few issues indeed if you ignore the big ones. And yet. Yet here we are. With unresolved messes at the end of a day.

Wang Pangzi: SOMETHIN YOU NEED TO SAY MARY POPPINS

Wang Meng: We need to talk about Huo Daofu and the glittery bead curtain.

Wang Pangzi: MY FAVE TEEN WIZARD SERIES

Wu Xie: did you turn on that suggested word thingy lol

What glittery bead curtain

Wang Meng: I closed the shop at 6:00pm this evening on the dot. I locked all of the doors in and out of the shop very carefully, especially in light of recent events. The hall leading to the back office was empty. I filed the day’s paperwork, updated and sent emails, and then spent an extra hour organizing receipts and dusting. When I came back out, there were glittery iridescent bead curtains over the front entrance to the shop.

What could this mean?

Wu Xie: uh that you need to spend less time at work?

Wang Pangzi: LOOKS LIKE WE GOT ONE FOR THE DETECTIVES. THE MYSTERY OF THE BEDAZZLED THRESHOLD COMMENCES

Wu Xie: I think we can be relatively secure in thinking a glittery bead curtain isn’t a hostile threat

Wang Pangzi: SAYS YOU

I REMEMBER YE OLDE EXPLORATION TIMES HOW FAST THINGS GOT FURIOUS

BEANBAG CHAIRS SET AFLAME AND LEFT ON DOORSTEPS AS A WARNING

GLITTERBOMBS FOR DAYS

PANIC AT THE DISCO

Wang Meng: Ugh, forget it. I should have just taken them down, regardless of who they belong to.

Zhang Qiling: They are not mine.

Wang Pangzi: A BOLD STATEMENT COMING FROM OUR PRIME SUSPECT

SOMEONE QUICK GO DRAW CHALK AROUND THE DOORWAY TO MARK THE SCENE OF THE CRIME

Wang Meng: Do we know anyone who *would* sneak in and put those up? For whatever reason, legal or not? Even as a joke?

Wang Pangzi: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY ASKING WHETHER WE KNOW ANYONE WHO IS CHAOTIC, AN OUTLAW, A PRANKSTER AND/OR SNEAKS INTO PLACES

BECAUSE THAT WOULD MEAN OUR SUSPECT LIST IS LITERALLY EVERYONE WE KNOW EXCEPT FOR YOU.

Wu Xie: okay let’s think about this; for starters, I didn’t break into my own shop

Wang Meng: You would be in danger of doing some work in the process, that’s true.

Wang Pangzi: LOL

Wu Xie: ANYWAY let’s keep going. For example, Xiao Ge would only break in somewhere for a good reason. Xiao Ge, did you do this?

Zhang Qiling: No.

Wu Xie: okay who’s next

Wang Pangzi: YOU REALLY MISSED YOUR CALLING IN INTERROGATION TIANZHEN

REALLY PUT THE SCREWS TO HIM

IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE;)

Zhang Qiling: How can we be certain *you* didn’t do it?

Wang Meng: Admittedly that was my guess, too.

Wang Pangzi: WOW I SEE HOW IT IS

BLAME PANGZI AS USUAL

ANYWAY HOW DOES HUO DAOFU FIT INTO THIS

Wu Xie: Oh yeah him! Oops I got distracted

Wang Pangzi: UR ENTIRE HISTORY IN A NUTSHELL

Wu Xie: Ugh fuck off

Wang Meng what abt Huo Daofu??

Zhang Qiling: ?

Wu Xie: oh sorry xiaoge I didn’t realize you wouldn’t have spent much time around him last year

He and I go way back

Zhang Qiling: Way back where?

Babysitters Club Chat

Wang Pangzi: I CANNOT BELIEVE HE IS BUYING YOUR INNOCENT ACT

IF YOU EVER TURN TO EVIL WE ARE FUCKED

Zhang Qiling: ?

Wang Pangzi: YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHO HUO DAOFU IS

YOU WERE EXTREMELY POLITE AND BORDERLINE FRIENDLY TOWARDS HIM

Zhang Qiling: I wanted him to feel welcome. I wanted to be sure he understands he has a place here. A specific place.

Wang Pangzi: FOR A SILENT GUY YOU ARE A MASTER AT SUBTLE POWER PLAYS IM ALL TINGLY

LMAO THE IDEA OF WU XIE LEAVING YOU FOR HUO DAOFU IS HILARIOUS AND ALSO NOPE

Zhang Qiling: Rationally, I understand that.

Main Chat

Wang Meng: Huo Daofu is coming for the weekend—didn’t Wu Xie tell you? Wu Xie asked me to check in a week ahead so we could start getting ready for his arrival

Wu Xie: oh yeah I did do that

Wang Meng: Fortunately I know you and so I already went ahead and took care of everything.

Re: the trip

He made a deal with Wu Xie’s doctor that he would do periodic checkups on him here at Wushanju

Bc Wu Xie hates being in the hospital

And frankly the hospital hates him too

Wang Pangzi: FAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTEMPT LOL

I FORGOT HUO DAOFU WAS DOING THAT

A VERY CHIVALROUS GESTURE

WOULDNT YOU SAY

XIOAGE

Zhang Qiling: Is it safe for him to be here with a criminal loose on the premises?

Wu Xie: Right, back to the curtain! Let’s focus on the curtain, hmm?

Wang Pangzi: I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS WEEKEND.

ALSO WE CAN RULE OUT XIAO BAI FOR THE CURTAIN SHE JUST SENT A SELFIE FROM NORWAY COVERED IN GREEN SLIME WITH ZERO CONTEXT, UR PROTEGE INDEED

Wu Xie: okay but who else would do something so oddly charming yet illegal and—wait.

Snake Eyes Chat

Wu Xie: hey, Glasses hasn’t been in touch lately right?

Li Cu: uh nope

Unless u count the outdated memes

Why, is money or Xie Yuchen missing

Or is this curtain related, I saw Wang Meng’s tweet

Wu Xie: haha no nothing to worry about really

(I mean maybe? but who knows)

Wang Meng is probably just getting a little paranoid in his old age

Li Cu: better than getting reckless and stupid as hell in ur old age

Wu Xie: …hey:(

Unknown Number: Li Cu, we discussed this.

Wu Xie: ????????

Li Cu: *sigh* fine, reckless and stupid as heck

Unknown Number: …close enough.

Wu Xie: EXCUSE who is that

Madame, Sir, Non-Binary Tree Spirit, etc—whomst the fuck

Are you

Li Cu is underage FYI

So Im staying on this chat

Li Cu: okay first of all, it’s not like that

Second of all I’m literally not underage I s2g

u threw the embarrassing surprise bday party, okay so u should remember

And C, that’s my counselor and I invited her. She wanted to meet u and I knew u wouldn’t agree to a visit so I added her to our chat

we have been discussing u

Wu Xie: Oh wow!!!!!!!

What a surprise:)

hi so nice to meet you:)

Main Chat:

Wu Xie: RED FUCKING ALERT

FUCK THE CURTAIN FUCK THE VISIT

IVE BEEN TRICKED INTO FAMILY THERAPY BY A SMUG TEENAGER WHO TEXTS UNKNOWN NUMBERS

Wang Meng: I assume that means something to someone here?

Not my problem? Good.

Wang Pangzi: AHAHAHA GOD I LOVE LI CU

HES LIKE ADORABLE KARMA FOR ALL THE SHIT YOUVE PUT ME THROUGH

IM RAISING HIS ALLOWANCE

Wu Xie: wait i give him an allowance

has he been collecting on two allowances??

Zhang Qiling: Three. I knew about both of yours.

Snake Eyes Chat

Wu Xie: so uh may I ask your name?

Unknown Number: you can call me Ms. Lee.

Now, if you’re comfortable talking in this format, why don’t you tell me how things have been going?

Wu Xie: oh everything is normal and fine and safe as usual, why do you ask:)

Li Cu: I heard about ur necklace thing. nice of you to NOT mention it.

another dangerous adventure. again. prick.

Ur lucky your cool boyfriend cares about you so much or you’d have already died like ten years ago

Wu Xie: lol try twenty years ago

Li Cu: That isn’t funny.

Unknown Number: …What?

Wu Xie: shit ur right, okay that was a bit glib, my apologies.

…I use humor as a coping mechanism?

Unknown Number: and Li Cu, how do you feel about that?

Li Cu: he doesn’t even know what that phrase means

He doesn’t cope, like ever

In fact

It’s kind of why we met

Which is a funny story in retrospect tbh

Wu Xie: haha what are you talking about sweetie hahaha need I remind you of certain anecdotes that could idk send me to jail maybe lmao

Unknown Number: …You know, perhaps an in-person meeting might be more effective?

Wu Xie: haha such a nice idea but why

Main Chat

Wu Xie: If I go to jail, I’ll have to create alliances for protection, right, that’s how it works on tv

Who do we know who spends time in jail

Other than Hei Yangjing, he’s only ever there for like 12 hours and i suspect he just gets himself arrested bc he enjoys the breaking out process

Also how’s the curtain case coming along

Zhang Qiling: Has someone threatened you?

Wu Xie: well not yet but soon I’m sure

Wang Pangzi: WHERE WAS THIS PARANOIA WHEN WE GOT TAKEN TO THE TEA HOUSE HUH

Snake Eyes Minus Your Fucking Therapist Chat

Li Cu: okay how tf did u pull off spy and undercover shit

u are sus as hell

Wu Xie: damn son is it pick on Wu Xie night

I missed the flyers or I would’ve invited my uncles

Also re: the curtain it’s been mostly solved

Li Cu: I’m not your son, idiot.

Wu Xie: …oh. Sorry, sorry, you’re right, bad choice of words, haha

Forget i said anything

Delete this chat even

Li Cu: shit I meant

Legally, biologically, I meant—

shit

…I turn into an asshole as a coping mechanism?

Wu Xie: oh that’s all okay! I have to go do something else now let me know if you need anything okay kid thanks!

Li Cu: goddamn it calm down who’s the kid here

lemme organize my thoughts so I can articulate my emotions fuckin healthily or w/e

Ugh maybe for like one afternoon we could go to Ms. Lee together? She knows how to word stuff

Wu Xie: uh…okay.

Li Cu: Anyway you don’t need to worry abt jail

As if you would survive prison for one day you’d piss off half the place in like an hour or less

I gave Ms. Lee the heavily edited version of the desert highway to hell roadtrip and i discussed it more in terms of like “nightmarish but still wouldn’t take any of it back”

Well maybe the sand

that shit was everywhere

Wu Xie: oh kiddo. It’s fine, really…You don’t have to explain yourself to me.

Li Cu: no, no it’s just

I do technically have a dad

who is an asshole. Being a son doesn’t really mean shit to me bc it sucked.

So you need to stop backing down just cuz ur guilty abt stuff. I’m really really glad ur not my dad in a good way. Do u get what I mean there

Where’s the mafia widower I followed into hell, huh

Wu Xie: Ur a good kid, despite my influence. I’m really glad you have someone to talk to after everything I…after everything. Wow this talking through feelings thing is kind of weird but nice ur right

Jfc no wonder it took me and xiaoge so long to—you know what, we won’t get into that

Li Cu: ew tmi

Also re: this week’s recent necklace fuckery

I moved my stuff here, I live here now

So you can’t die anymore

Or else…Idk I don’t have a threat planned

anyways abt the curtain

Wu Xie: oh my god, kid…kid you have no idea

I am in tears.

Li Cu: see this is why I can’t be nice to you I can sense the hallmark channel from here

Ugh don’t be sad in ur room that’s dumb

Go hug Pangzi or something

Maybe delete this chat

Or the curtain thing

Focus on the curtain thing

Just stfu and go away

Wu Xie: <3 screenshotting this <3

Li Cu: I take back everything I said. This is why Xiao Ge sleeps on the roof. I hope the ghosts of the Wangs put up that curtain to strangle you somehow. Go die in a stupid way, it’ll suit you.

Wu Xie: lol don’t worry I’m not gonna embarrass you with it or anything

Main Chat

Wu Xie: omg guys look how cute my kid is *sending screenshot*

Wang Pangzi: I MEAN

HE IS WISHING YOU DEATH

BUT SURE

CUTE I GUESS

Wu Xie: no but read the whole thing:):):)

Zhang Qiling: It is indeed very hard to remain angry with you. And you are welcome to join me on the roof.

Wang Pangzi: UH NOPE

NOT WHENI HAD TO BLEACH THE COUNTER IN THE KITCHEN

DONT TRAUMATIZE THE EARLY BIRDS THEYRE ALREADY FREAKED OUT BY U YA HOODIE CRYPTID

Wu Xie: ok true but babe ur like a sexy cryptid

Wang Meng: so, are we just accepting that there is a glittery curtain of unknown origin, and Huo Daofu is going to have to see it while he’s waiting for you at Wushanju bc you’re going to family therapy?

Wu Xie: right

Wang Pangzi: SHOULDA TAKEN EARLY RETIREMENT HUH

Wang Meng: I’m going to go dust something.

Unnamed Chat:

Unknown number: so the curtain…

Unknown number 2: yep, not my best work but I kinda panicked last minute u know

Unknown number: what is in the water at Wushanju that makes everyone dumb and attractive

Unknown number 2: relax they’ll figure it out

[xuune]

some thoughts on s7

this ended up me kind of rambling about my thoughts and feelings on s7 that are all over the place, so please bear with me if these thoughts don’t seem too well organized or anything: 

now, before i even actually saw the season, i was just snooping around here on tumblr to see what ppl’s reactions were, and i kind of let it get to the better of me. some people were just over dramatizing what was happening in s7, and their negativity on the season made me believe that i would wholeheartedly dislike the season. i saw all the posts with people going on about how if youre still watching the show, you should immediately drop it (and it was mainly centered around few central complaints going around right now, pretty sure you can figure that out on your own on what that was). it was understandable on where the frustration was stemming from. i only got 3 hours of sleep because of what people were saying despite not even seeing the season for myself and seeing how events would ultimately play out. but like they would always say, you shouldn’t let other people’s judgement affect you, and it really shouldn’t be the determining factor on how you view things or how your opinions are formed. 

when i watched the season, my general reaction to it was that its “ok”, i didn’t think it was entirely and absolutely terrible. i already know how a lot of us didn’t like the way a few characters got treated. i mainly thought that the animation looked nicer and improved in some of the action scenes. the writing was kind of “meh” for me when it came to whatever certain plot points that got introduced or continued. watching it on my own actually removed any thoughts of me disliking/hating the season entirely. 

even though i say this, the things i mention here are mainly about some issues that kept being brought up by people and circled around ever since s7 got released. 

in terms of character development? besides what we’ve been given for hunk, which has been awesome so far (i dont really feel like i have much to go in depth with for this, its already self explanatory in the season itself), i guess its going somewhere. i’ve got some hope, but it’s not on the level where its overwhelmingly high and optimistic. everyone’s been talking about the lack of actual lance development, how he’s constantly being reduced to being the “dumb” one, but we actually see him take initiative when needed. lance has been shown to stepping up and taking his role into account when handed the opportunity to do so, and it was multiple times when lance was given the re-established position of keith’s right-hand man. despite whatever remarks keith made on lance, whether or not they were supposed to come off as teasing/joking for the audience, keith does still seem to believe in lance’s capabilities. if he didn’t, keith wouldn’t have trusted lance the task on leading their team on their mission(s). lance actually got scenes where he could shine off as being portrayed more than what he’s constantly being insulted as. there are still some scenes of them showing mutual trust and respect for each other, especially with lance voting for keith during “the feud” and the reasoning he gave. but yeah, some parts it did seem like keith was kind of ooc in certain episodes when comparing his personality back to s3. who knows why keith gave the reasoning he did when he voted for lance. EDIT: acoolemocucumber’s post makes a good note on pointing out how during the voting section, keith is actually the first one to start writing. it’s later revealed that he chose lance on first pick. lance was the second to finish. even though he was peeking over at hunk and pidge to see who they chose, he instead decides to choose keith. keith choosing lance as a first choice without pure hesitance is amazing to see, and it really shows he trusts and respects lance a lot despite the reasoning he gave. then again, actions speak louder than words and countless times keith has shown to be that kind of guy by relaying a lot of important tasks to lance throughout this season. 

i’ll do say that i enjoyed most of the scenes they shared when they had to take a leading initiative with each other though. that was pretty nice to see again, and it felt like a decade since i ever saw that kind of dynamic from those two. 

there were a lot of action packed scenes, and i watched through those entirely to see if there’s any important plot detail to know, or make note of, while watching the ep to make sure i wouldnt be lost with whats happening so far. some people found it boring, some people found the fight scenes amazing and stunning. certain scenes had me really amazed on how well it was animated, some other scenes not so much in terms of repetition, and thats kind of bound to happen if we’re provided an arc where its continuing to keep the tense vibes on the recurring events with the current situation of the season. 

this is just merely my take on it, (my memory’s not the best with how much information im recalling from those 13 episodes) but it kind of felt lackluster with how the paladins barely got any kind of break where they could seriously spend one episode on unwinding, having in-depth conversations one on one, and not be so worried about the galra all the time. sure, there’s a few scenes like that in a few episodes, but it didn’t seem enough to make it feel like it balanced out whatever conflicts or character issues were newly or constantly introduced. 

ive read posts already about how some people had liked the season a lot, loved the actions scenes and all. but to me, some conflicts that took place seemed out of place or just didn’t really align well (idk how else to phrase it) especially with adam’s death, and i had minor mixed feelings about ep “the journey within”. 

about adam, it just seemed out of place and rushed for them to introduce shiro’s s/o only for them to take him away. we don’t get to see how fleshed out adam could’ve been, and i’ve already seen the frustration/rage people had with adam being killed off when considering how the creators told the viewers that they were gonna get to see adam, but weren’t told how long we’ll see him (plus the entire thing abt lgbt rep that was promised?). the thing with adam left me on a weird note, mainly because if you were just given no other info besides the info from the season, you wouldn’t even be given too explicit information about the relationship shiro had with adam. from there, it felt like there was no point in adding adam into the story if the viewers aren’t given clear information on what kind of bond shiro and adam had besides adam saying that they’ve been through a lot together (or whatever he said, idr it too much) and the “how important am i to you” line for lgbt rep points. its just pretty vague “””representation””” thats just leaving the audience to make the most out of what they’re given. we’re only given confirmation that they used to be fiancés from what they said in panels/interviews, but never in the show. im not sure what to really think about that, my mind’s just kind of in the void when i think about it. but this part i structured kind of badly and i apologize for that, but hopefully those of you can get what im saying. 

as for “the journey within”, it was reasonable for the way characters acted; theyre all tired, frustrated, and losing hope and were floating in space waiting for nothing but at least something to happen. keith snaps, gets irritated at everyone, lance is also the one to lash back out at keith saying keith ran away, giving the audience a big sign that lance was hurt by keith’s disappearance/leave from the team. but for keith to quickly later on go take everything back in just a few minutes seemed really awkward for me. its a kids show and all, but i just kind of didn’t like how that one section of that episode was written ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ just a feeling i had with it. however, i did love how hunk took a lot of the initiative during the episode, it’s showing his growth of actually him continuing to fully accept his role as a paladin and determined to not back down regardless of his own cowardice that could prevent him from doing so at any time.  

and there’s the thing about k/acx: ive already seen a bunch of people going somewhere along the lines of disbelief, anger, frustration on how keith is getting het endgame but when i saw the episodes, his interactions with acxa didn’t even seem borderline romantic to me at all? to me, i merely saw 2 characters actually getting on better terms with each other and returning the favor. the two no longer see each other as enemies but allies now. keith only went back to save acxa because it seemed like he believed that he felt in debt to acxa for trying to save his team. ezor and zethrid merely poked fun at acxa, but if you consider previous seasons where acxa and keith interacted, the two just continued to return the favor of owing whatever debt they had for each other. it didn’t seem like there was any romantic tension intended in any of the scenes where they interacted. we already know acxa betrayed ezor and zethrid by switching sides, and if you were betrayed you’re bound to make at least a  remark on whoever betrayed you either way. in this case, ezor and zethrid found it reasonable to make a comment on acxa’s alliance with keith, hence how they teased acxa possibly crushing on keith (whether or not thats actually confirmed, its just left ambiguous and up for interpretation at that point). there’s the parallel with how they animated the shot between keith and acxa talking to each other, but neither did that one seem romantic to me? i hope im not the only one who thought that? the other scene people talked about was when acxa is in the same scene where keith was present when he visits his dad’s grave with krolia. i dont get why some people were upset about that either. even though its at the last ep of s7, there’s nothing to imply that keith invited acxa to go visit his dad’s grave with him or anything if you consider their placement in the scene. if keith did care about acxa’s presence being there when he visited the grave, wouldn’t he at least acknowledge acxa’s presence by showing obvious attention to her, or have her close to where him and krolia were? she remains distant but respectful of keith in the scene. i dont see where these scenes would imply keith automatically finds a romantic interest in acxa. acxa to keith? maybe, we don’t entirely know. keith to acxa? i dont see it being implied anywhere at all. not to mention keith’s “can’t we just fight” statement right after ezor and zethrid teased acxa about having a romantic interest in keith. again, its just my take on what’s being presented and my own thoughts on how people are viewing it. 

and with a/l, it leaves me on a bad note with how its progressing if its really getting the sealed deal endgame. like most people have been saying, it would be good for them to be endgame if they were only written better. am i entirely convinced theyre endgame? not really because there’s that small chance where vld pulls a 180 and the show creators stay true to their words on lance not being a rebound, lance being someone’s first choice, lance getting what he needs, not what he wants. what’s being given/presented so far is just bad writing with how allura suddenly reciprocates feelings for lance out of nowhere despite showing consistent disinterest in lance’s advances in previous seasons. s4 and onward we see her seeing lance more than just an annoying flirt, and the two become better friends who could genuinely talk to each other without having allura annoyed with lance’s flirtatious antics, and without lance being reduced to a constant flirt. during allura’s interest in lotor, we’re yet again presented how allura doesn’t return feelings for lance, especially during the scene when the mice told her about lance’s feelings for her back in s6. she seems rather disappointed, pitiful, or uncomfortable with knowing how lance genuinely liked her when she liked lotor during that time. later on, allura’s been out of her previous love interest with lotor, and hasn’t shown returned much of the same interest in lance. sure, she hugged lance and he returned the hug, but that only seemed necessary in the moment for when allura had felt betrayed by someone she wholeheartedly trusted and fell in love with. she needed comfort from someone and the person she spoke to was lance who was able to lend her some comforting words. but that was about it. i’d like to say that considering that this is a kids show, it does give a bad incentive for children to develop on believing that if they continue to force their feelings onto someone else, the person they’re interested in will eventually like them back out of the blue, which is the worst course of action to take despite being rejected countless times (and its kind of being shown with what a/l has right now). to take this kind of scenario and to fix/put it with good writing would to just properly depict lance accepting rejection and allura staying true to her previous feelings on not reciprocating his feelings. in a general sense, we all know that we can’t always get what we want, and that’s an important moral that always gets taught over and over again even if youre a child or an adult. rejection and acceptance of the rejection is something that can be taught here through the romantic subplot they’ve been having. just deciding that they should become endgame out of nowhere would leave the writing very dull. having allura get out of her previous love interest with lotor only to quickly move onto lance just doesn’t leave off on a good note. it just reduces lance to a rebound and that’s about it. 

the writing for me wasn’t really that breathtaking, overwhelming, or emotional or anything when it came to new plot points being presented (you know, all the fight scenes, galaxy garrison, that stuff). again, a lot of things seemed pretty rushed, i had mixed feelings for some but not all episodes. it was nice to see mostly everyone united back with their families and characters developing new motives for what they believe in doing. yet, the writing kind of just wasn’t on the level of where it actually gets me really interested and invested into the storyline like how it had back in s1 to early s3. i’ll still mention how the writing did it’s part in presenting development for hunk, though. i enjoyed that a lot.  

some parts of the writing were questionable, some parts of the season were enjoyable, but it wasn’t entirely overwhelmingly disappointing for me. the season was on the bare minimum on having the writing go “decent”, but again it felt pretty “meh” and this is just my own feelings on it. people have their own opinions, frustrations, concerns, questions, some people loved it, some people severely hated it or just felt extremely disappointed. 

the season has its peaks and lows, some pros and cons, but whatever you take from it is what you believe. 

i’ll still keep watching the show to see how it ends, that’s for sure. 

[beverlyr0ad]

crimes of grindelwald thoughts

alright obvious spoilers not that it matters bc i have one follower lmao but !! i need somewhere to scream abt this movie

first of all i love jacob and newt so much. best parts of this movie honestly i love them and i want them to be happy 

but to be fair i actually rlly rlly enjoyed watching this movie!! like,, there are a looot of things i dont understand about it and i have no idea how they happened or why theyre happening but thats Okay i would still recommend everyone watch it! its so good!!!

good things:

- grindelwald !! i mean,, no hes not a good thing but i really liked how they wrote his character. like i can UNDERSTAND the power he has over people and how hes manipulating them. hes really not just a Voldemort 2.0 and i respect that a lot bc thats not what an entirely different villain should be like. but casting issues and all aside i really liked this

- i also liked the interaction between leta lestrange and dumbledore that was some good stuff and the actors were rlly good too !!! - i like the direction queenie is going in. i mean i dont actually of course but it seems realistic and i think its important and its good character development n stuff so hhh hope that works out later tho !! i am Suspense

- jacob walked into that movie and i was like !!!!!!!!! :DDDDDDDDDDDDD i love him so much and it was rlly nice to see him back even if i dont think it was that neat to have him lose his memory of everything that happened for significance and in this movie have everything go like WHOOMP hes back but i uhhhh loved it anyway so this is not a complaint its a good thing - i still loved newt and having a good main character makes the whole movie a better watch in general. ive seen sequels where i just Cant get attatched to the new characters but wow i didnt really have much of a problem with that here

- it was also never boring and i really just loved n enjoyed this movie a lot!!!  okay hhh bad things/things that i personally disliked:

- ive seen different opinions on this but??? what was that blood pact????? what are u doing??????????????? i cant even be coherent properly so here are the main reasons that was rlly dumb

1- w-who does that in a romantic relationship ever :o and yes jkr has literally said dumbledore n grindelwald were in LOVE HELLO feel free to correct me if im wrong on anything but if ur gonna say it u should show it,,,, Continuity Please. anyway separate issue but if u love someone youre not gonna be like “hey lets make SURE we dont fight each other ever” because youll trust that the other person?? isnt gonna fight u???!!!???? im

2- thats literally not the reason he “cannot move against grindelwald” okay like it shouldnt be. this conversation literally happens in dh and dumbledore says he was scared of facing what rlly happened when ariana died!! there was no actual physical thing stopping him!!! the only acceptable justification is that he doesnt want to face this ghosts of his past and that moment and he is SCARED okay so COME ON give dumbledore his faults! hes scared of his past and that IS the reason!!

3- wait how did grindelwald, aberforth, and albus fight if they had already entered a blood pact. like i dont think albus would aim for his own brother EVER but could he even attack grindelwald if they had a blood pact?? not sure how this works lol but who was he aiming for then??? just firing everywhere randomly without intention cause that sounds,,, significantly harder to believe and makes that scene loads messier esp if grindelwald couldnt aim for albus either so

4- the blood pact was so frickin unnecessary im sobbing. like there was the scene where its all like “oh some say you were as close as brothers” and dumbledore is like “oh we were closer than brothers...” and im like OK! the little scene in the air doesnt explicitly reveal anything either so thats ok but the closer than brothers line was rlly revealing for me. at least for like two minutes and then dumbledore looked in the mirror and saw himself making a blood pact w grindelwald. like ok is That what u meant by closer than brothers bc thats what everythings pointing to but it shouldnt be and i.............ugh

5- im honestly just kind of hhhhhhhhhhhh. i can concede that the blood pact might be significant in later films and i look forward to watching them! but. at the same time i. wish that if you were going to say dumbledore was gay it would actually be explicitly referenced in the movie, instead of dancing around that and dropping it in hints and pieces that fans of the series who know this information will understand and others can just dismiss as friendship! there were So Many good places in this movie to include this fact (altho feel free to disagree w me haha) and i think that not including this fact was honestly tiring.

- nagini...........obv this isnt a huge problem bc idk where her story will go next n it might develop n become important but as of rn, i have no idea what her role in this movie is. i wonder if her reappearance in the harry potter series will actually be of significance and if itll be explained how she will end up under servitude to voldemort bc i genuinely dont understand right now. it just seems like a cameo to draw attention in the trailer ghgdjh

- leta lestrange’s death didnt feel right or impactful and im sad . definitely a huge opinion here but it felt like a mandatory character snuff to make the movie sad and ghdsjgfh oh well :(

- little continuity issues?? dumbledore being DADA professor instead of transfiguration bc Boggarts Are Important For Foreshadowing. also how is mcgonagall an adult or actually how is she even alive and um of course the fact that this movie doesnt confirm what jkr has said about dumbledore and grindelwald beforehand. 

- im actually going to totally repeat myself bc this deserves a separate point umm why arent dumbledore and grindelwald actually shown as in love with each other as young men. its completely relevant to the movie and its not hard to put it in there instead of the bLOOD PACT (ask anyone irl ive been screaming abt the blood pact ever since i came out of that movie). anyway i know david yates said he wouldnt be including that as part of the movie as fans are aware of that aNyway but its not that hard to understand. people are asking for actual representation?? not smt vague??? because this is just here to Please People. if u refuse to see this ship, ure just gonna see them as having a friendship! maybe u havent heard about what jkr said or maybe ure choosing to ignore it bc,, idk that says smt about u, or maybe another reason idk! but if u go into this knowing they were In Love and hoping to see confirmation of dumbledore being canonically gay, youre going to hear that “oh, we were more than brothers” line and be like oh yeah we been knew, or more seriously like hey! maybe we’re getting a canon confirmation, not just floaty young people leaning towards each other! like when he looked in the mirror i was like okay This Is It this is gna be confirmation but then it wasnt oop. it was the !!! bloooood paaact !!! which means that people could interpret the “closer than brothers” line as meaning oh we done did a blood pact that means we blood related look at us go! Wow! so this is basically just a half azzed attempt at pleasing people w stereotypical viewpoints and people happy to see representation. hmmmmmmmmmm.. (psst if u actually ship older dumbledore n grindelwald tho What Are You Doing Stop !! thats not a healthy relationship, grindelwald is an awful person and dumbledore deserves to grow from the person he was before!!! he deserves so much better!!! im not saying to ship them but im saying that if we’re gonna say they were in love as young men and if we are going to confirm that dumbledore is gay well,,, lets put that in canon pls!!!! we need canon representation but we dont need to pretend this ship is healthy or good bc its representation either. this isnt shipping this is asking to acknowledge that dumbledore was gay and in love with grindelwald and its confirmed that grindelwald was in love with him too. in the place the story of tcog is now, that relationship is not ever going to happen again and if u actually think it is ure suffering from some next-level delusion. just be definitive and acknowledge that your characters are LGBT tho pls!! u said they were!!! actually i would be so much happier to see a Happy And Healthy LGBT Pairing can we have that? please?)

- big spoiler but hOW IS CREDENCE ALBUS’ BROTHER WHAT IS HAPPENING DKFJDKSH i need to separate my thoughts again

1- AGE DIFFERENCE........apparently dumbledore is like 46 in this movie right?? credence doesnt look over 20. okay percival dumbledore is put in azkaban before albus starts school right?? so the maximum age albus can be is 11. now im gonna say that kendra was not having any more kids w anyone else after that incident fs so the oldest albus can be when ariana is born is 12, leaving room for some other stuff okay. ALBUS AND CREDENCE DONT LOOK LIKE THEY HAVE A 12 YEAR AGE GAP WHAT IS HAPPENINF

2- i saw people theorizing that credence is ariana’s son and NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO PLS NO

3- not an actual issue but i thought grindelwald said his name was berrylius dumbledore which i later remembered as berrylium dumbledore and anyway thank god for the internet

4- okay at this point i cant tell if this has just been brought in for shock value or smt like. is this relevant to the plot. is grindelwald even telling the truth. w-why did the movie end there. help....... i think thats it but i do want to say that i respect the rights of the creator jkr to do whatever she wants w these characters. its her world! but i can have a whole bunch of opinions n feelings about this movie and still support it. after all, i love harry potter and the whole wizarding world w my whole heart. 

did anyone even read that LOOOL that was so long sorry

[3rachad-archive]

i hope this doesn't come off as rude ndksnsls but ive seen that you've remade a few times, is everything okay?

omg not rude at all!!! 

mm, i think in total- this is my 4th time remaking? so you’re right! it’s definitely been a few times now um :( i know it can be annoying- and i apologize to those ppl who feel like they HAVE to follow me or feel burdensome when i do this fjfdfkslfksf mm i’ll explain the whole thing under a cut (which doesn’t really work on mobile but jfjfkafejoew) bc i think it might get. long.

edit: ok so i didnt proofread bc its like 11 pm and im tired and ; __ ; pls forgive any spelling or grammar mistakes- i think the gist of what i’m saying comes through… 

mm, the first few times i remade were for the sake of organization? like from my VERY first (kpop) blog to the second one, i remade bc i felt that i was stanning too many groups and it was just super multifandom and super messy and it made me anxious having all of that there in a clutter

the second time i remade it was cause i felt that blog was lacking and i wasn’t really contributing to anything and i was trying to get rid of some toxic mutuals :// 

um the third time………. i think i just again: needed a fresh start bc i had a bunch of mutuals that made me uncomfortable and i didn’t want anyone to find me necessarily so i gfkjgsojgsoeser just ghosted my account n remade bc i needed it for my anxiety :( n i lost a lot of old mutuals on purpose 

um then this remake!!! hnnhfnjgfgf ok :( theres been a lot going on personally… hnngngiwoe its kinda split into two reasons: 

1) the lesser reason: i dropped out of a uni at the end of my first year and then went to apply to a new one and its been fucking hell like every where i turn smth else goes wrong. i’ll solve one problem and thensmth else happens. its so stressful and disgusting how much crap i’ve emotionally been through… and that blog pretty much chronicles ALL of those 2 months of panic and depression and such bad thoughts about myself and i just need to get AWAY from it 

2) the more pressing reason: its really quite frustrating and i think i’ve explained it before- but ive just found that nctzens have become a little too much for me. just everything about that fandom makes me so incredibly stressed and anxious and i’m not happy coming onto tumblr- and that’s not the point?? like tumblr is supposed to be fun and you’re supposed to be able to make stuff and enjoy yourself??? like… it shouldn’t fucking feel like a job or some kind of commitment. but nctzens have kinda just turned everything into a competition and they make everything abt popularity and followers and they act so mean to each other and their biases and say stuff that i find kinda :// and to just top it all off i just find that more and more of them are using their “platform” and “audience” (for lack of better wording) to start witch hunts… like they’ll “call out” users and say things that are just fucking disgusting and when theyre followers go and attack that user they dont take ANY credibility or think that it could’ve been their actions. they act so innocent and it just… it just frustrates me. 

its in my dfi/byf- but like if you’re not willing to discuss something with me when we get into an argument/disagree upon something, i dont think you should be following me. i find it incredibly childish for ppl to go and “”shade”” someone on their blog and talk shit about that person to their mutuals and make all of these ppl hate someone. its so senseless… i’ve never understood bringing personal drama up with ppl who have nothing to do with it… 

i also find that nctzens don’t understand the concept of “opinions” ??? like they act as if smth someone says is like. law. and they don’t think for 0.5 seconds before they go attacking ppl for saying “i think this song isn’t that good”… like, opinions aren’t right or wrong… theyre just opinions… some opinions can be ill informed or kinda universally s t u p i d - but there’s no such thing as a wrong opinion because …. inherently… opinions are just… beliefs we make upon information we have……….. ???? 

idk :( its just become too much for me to handle- when i started posting a little bit more of stray kids- which were one of my ults for a while- i got hate telling me i was a fake nctzen and that i would have my nctzen card revoked… like i’ve never taken that stuff seriously- but it fucking SUCKS to constantly be told youre not a “good enough fan” like… dood.. there is no such thing… kpoppies have invented this kinda ride or die culture where they lay down their lives for their favs and like i g e t i t - but like… lmao… ppl have lives they have things to do?? this is why streaming and voting and all of that stuff gets so frustrating and anxiety raising- because we’re made to feel like we HAVE to do it or we’re a bad fan?? like nahhhh that doesn’t fucking matter !! i get it goes towards their achievements and etc but also like put your fucking life first man… do those other things when you have TIME and ENERGY

all of this was ruining nct for me and i didnt need that negativity :( i love nct and i love johnny but i just need space :( the same thing happened to me when i liked bts so… i just dont want it to make me sad when i see them… you know? 

anyway- i’m sorry this got so fucking long and i’m just ranting at this point abt smth that probably you weren’t looking for but… like

tldr: everything was not okay, everything is very carefully balanced on a precarious edge !! mentally i just need to be in a place i can CONSIDER my safe place. i’m doing alright mostly, just anxious a little bit… and jfwifiawioefawe you probably weren’t looking for this dumb ass essay…. but…… yeah………. im sorry- and honestly? thank you for asking… idk :( its sweet 

[theday]

minpuppy day

its 8pm here, and his birthday is almost over. im listening to day6′s stream rn and im ready to type out my essay 4 lmh 

this got so long and its a mess without proper sources whoops!!!!

SO FIRST OF ALL... lee minhyuk!!!!! the kindest boy on earth and also the most extra lmao

tbh i only became a mbb in late august so i was only present for the last 2 ep of mxray but with everything else, i had 2 catch up rip.. i watched the first episode of season 2 first bc im a dumbebe and it was the cafe/nail salon episode ?? yeah. at that point i didnt know any of them and i couldnt recognise anyone except for jooheon bc i started liking jh first i was just super confused with everyone else, minhyuk included. nobody really stood out when i watched it but i still found it extremely funny (mx are so funny every show theyve been on i always laugh its great i love it) was the next episode the party one ?? (nope) i dont remember but i dont think i focused on anyone at that time either but i noticed how minhyuk was so fucking extra with how he would give kh + hw false clues and i was like .. ‘this guy is seriously..’ and when changkyun plotted with them to abandon mh i was cheering for him tbh LOL and i got so scared for ck when minhyuk found out sbwjaiks idk ive never talked about first impression for mxray so im gonna side track a bit (a lot) and?? the way he played everyone and eventually himself (and changkyun) was so funny wtfeksmk we love an idiot?? in the animal episode, i didnt take notice of mh (again) bc he was with jh and i was 2 focused on him poor mh and mary LMAO i think throughout my first watch of mxray i didnt have that much of an impression of minhyuk other than that he is super extra?? watching their older shows like ‘right now’ and the des??koptac??? fk if i know im a fakebebe i think he grew on me more?? 

but the time where he really impacted me and made me fall for him was when i watched no.mercy?? the way he gave the flower to the judge (i lov EHR SO MUCH) (the male judges can ***** x) it really gave me the impression of how sweet minhyuk is?? and i remember when he got second last and he cried i felt so fucking bad? he loves his parents so damn much???? minhyuk is really out here being the best son/friend/group mate?? AND despite that he worked together with the other guy (im so sorry) and they did a wonderful stage?? the way minhyuk lightened the mood after the performance showki gave? that made me really think because people gave minhyuk the title of mood maker you know? and just based on that i could truly see why and after that im so happy minhyuk is with monsta x (ill talk abt this later) and im pretty sure he was the one who lost since it was like a battle (work together with your partner but youre also fighting against them) and i know how they like messed the thing up didnt they? and they told him he won but they announced the wrong name minhyuk didnt even let that get to him? he had the biggest smile on his face even though he lost? i love lee minhyuk so much?? he was happy because he and his team mate managed to show such a good performance and that makes me so proud??? 

it was probably at that point where i really started to see minhyuk as who he is??? he has a lot of sides to him honestly and i dont know all of them but from what i can see minhyuk’s just great?? i was also starting to fall deeper for monsta x as a whole and that meant finding out about past incidents and watching old vlives,, i saw ppl mentioned about how minhyuk would be there for wonho throughout his harder times?? and i watched the video where wonho actually thanks minhyuk (and other members) about that and you can just see how supportive minhyuk is of wonho? hes always there for him and not just wonho, minhyuk’s always with everyone although it is different every era?? he shows so much love to all of his members and its ?? amazing??? minhyuk’s like everybody’s support system and im jsut so!!!!! minhyuk ur doing amazing sweetie :-( 

right now back to the thing i said i said id talk abt later which is now so. i was watching the last ep of no.mercy (where they select who gets 2 debut) and i knew who were gonna debut obviously but it was still so fucking nerve wrecking???? honestly? you could see the shock on minhyuk’s face when he gets chosen as the last member. idk what he was thinking but it really hurts to think that minhyuk probably thought he wouldnt be able to get in? (i also have no idea how no.mercy works and im still a bit skeptical about it, was it all planned? etc.) and just the surprise and disbelief really??? goD ??? mh probably felt really bad about being chosen despite have 2 other suitable ppl next to him i kind of think minhyuk sometimes doubts his abilities??? back on weekly idol too where they asked him how he managed to get in and they (hyungwon?) answered with passion like?? i dont know :-// this whole para is a joke tbh bc of how much i dont trust no.mercy lol so disregard it?????

what i wanted 2 say though was how without minhyuk, i dont think monsta x would be able to be how they are today. as much as i hate to say this, performance & song wise, there wouldnt be much of a difference because of how little lines minhyuk gets (which is understandable, still makes me a tad bit mmMPH) however, the presence on shows would change so much??? minhyuk helps bring out everyones sides on shows? and maybe he doesnt and im just being bloody delusional but i believe that minhyuk plays a super important role whenever mx are on any kind of show because he’s able to ?? i dont know??? he can see whenever one of the members are feeling uncomfortable/not talking enough and he goes to them/asks them stuff im pulling this out of my ass actually ah . i dont fucking know i dont have any sources nd this is all from my shit ass memory so if u do read this and realize how inaccurate it is im sorry but thanks 4 reading lmao 

basically . minhyuk plays an important role in monsta x as more than a vocal but as a person who’s always there for his members 

ANOTHER THING. we all know of when minhyuk speaks english?? like he doesnt have to because theres changkyun but he does it anyway?? again, idk if he does it bc he wants 2 lessen the burden on changkyun (who cant speak english that well - same) or because he wants to connect with more intl fans but its sweet either way?? and its really funny the way he translates stuff too lmao 

i already saw someone else talk about this but its something i noticed too though it didnt really click unitl i saw their post about it,, back on like the radio vlive he would do with kihyun he was always setting goals for the vlive and everything but in the recent vlive with kihyun (again) he assured mbbs that they didnt need to press hearts and that they should focus on the vlive (was this mentioned or assumed???) idk but we can think he probably means that even if it was unspoken.. it really shows how much minhyuk’s grown??? he went from asking for hearts to making sure that mbbs could properly watch the vlive instead?? minhyuk really looks out for others ? when he picked out the stuff kihyun didnt like too??? he didnt even to think twice about doing it he just did it immediately?? minhyuk is so fucking sweet and he just??? thinks about the others ??? always being there for them and everything????

minhyuk is also so sososososo nice to fans? i watched that one video where he gave fans his like towel because they didnt have umbrellas and it was raining/?? yeah sure maybe thats like. basic fan idol stuff but it really says a lot about minhyuk??? he didnt have an umbrella either but he still wanted to make sure they wouldnt get sick????

in these past 2 months, ive learnt that minhyuk is more than extra, hes someone who cares for just about everybody??? he was the last member selected for monsta x but he’s constantly improved himself since then and im so proud of lee minhyuk?? so shoutout to the boy who loves his members and monbebes like theyre his family and shoutout to the boy who loves his family so much. happy birthday lee minhyuk and thank you for being born :-D 

also its 9pm now lmao and day6 are doing their last song im happy this has been fun so bye now 

[prettysei-remade]

He’s Taken

Written for @leojiweek 2017: Day 1 

Prompt: Others’ Interpretation of Leoji/Social Media 

read on ao3

Laura xoxo: ugh

Laura xoxo: dani im so sry but my sister saw that picture u put on insta of u and ur brother at the water park and now she's begging me 2 get his number from u

Laura xoxo: she went on his insta and found out he's a wrld famous figure sk8r and she wont shut up abt him

Laura xoxo: pls ill buy u ice cream 4 a week if u can make her stop gushing abt how hot he is

Daniela sighs.

This is not the first time this has happened.

So many people - her friends, her friends’ sisters, girls from drama club, even a couple guys at her school - have tried to get to Leo through her. They're incredibly persistent, and Dani supposes she can see why they would be, from an objective standpoint.

Even she can't bring herself to say that Leo is bad-looking. It's horrible when all her friends come over while Leo is around, because they get all stupid and tongue-tied. She loves them, but they become incredibly annoying in those moments.

She knows Leo has his reasons for choosing to stay at home after graduating high school, but honestly, him moving out would make her life so much easier.

Of course, it doesn't help that he's also a competitive figure skater on the international level, and that he's won a bunch of medals. He's pretty successful, and relatively famous, so naturally everyone wants to be with him.

It would be marginally less irritating if everyone would stop hounding her for information on him.

She sets her phone back down on the kitchen table, prepared to ignore the text until she's finished her geometry homework, when a loud laugh from outside nearly makes her drop her pencil. She rolls her eyes.

Leo's home, and he's probably talking to his skating friend from China.

It's not that she doesn't like Guang Hong. From what she's seen and heard of him, he seems to be very sweet, pretty quiet, and definitely…

Well. It's obvious that he has a crush on Leo.

Anyway, she's spoken to him a little before, during some of his and Leo's many (many) Skype calls, and she likes him. He's only two years older than her, and he's always nice to her.

She knows Leo has a crush on him, too. They're seriously so obvious. But neither one of them thinks they have a chance.

Dani would be amused if it weren't so pathetic. Boys are so stupid, especially when it comes to feelings.

She hears the door swing open, and Leo continues to laugh and talk to the person on the other end of the phone as he walks through the house.

“We'll see each other soon, you know,” he says, a smile in his voice. He mouths a quick “hola” to Dani as he passes the kitchen. “We were both assigned to Skate Canada this year.” A pause as Guang Hong replies. Then, “I know, I feel like I haven't seen you in…”

His voice trails off down the hall, and Dani rolls her eyes. She picks up her phone to tell Laura what she's told everybody else.

It's not quite true, but it might as well be.

You: he’s taken, sry

…

Dani storms up the stairs, shouting all the way up.

“Leo! Mamá already called you for dinner twice, she's gonna be...”

Stopping by his slightly opened bedroom door, she looks through the crack to see Guang Hong's face on Leo's computer screen.

She rolls her eyes and barges in.

“Hi, Guang Hong,” she sighs. “Sorry to steal your boyfriend, but it's time for dinner and Leo really has to come downstairs right now.” She directs those last words at Leo with a pointed glare.

He sputters in response.

“Guang Hong isn't - we're not dating! I'm not his boyfriend!”

Guang Hong just laughs a little on his side.

She has to give him kudos for his reaction, at least. It's still obvious he likes Leo, but he seems to be way more chill about it than Leo is.

She directs her next question at him.

“Hey, isn't it really late in China? Or, like,  early?”

He laughs again.

“I'm actually in France right now, for a competition,” he explains.

“A competition he's going to dominate,” Leo adds.

Guang Hong blushes.

Dani throws up in her mouth a little.

“Sure, whatever,” she says, turning to leave. “Mamá's getting really mad downstairs, so say goodbye to your boyfriend.”

“He's not my boyfriend!”

…

The cheers of the crowd nearly drown out what the TV announcer is saying when Leo is awarded his gold medal.

A few moments later, they roar up again when the silver medalist is presented, and then a final, third time when Guang Hong goes to get his bronze.

They look good, standing side-by-side on the podium.

Dani watches them hold up their medals for pictures with matching grins on their faces. Leo says something to Guang Hong, which makes him laugh, and then Guang Hong responds, which makes Leo blush.

To anyone else, this is nothing unusual.

Well, actually, it's nothing unusual to Dani, either. She has to live with half of this. But she's pretty sure she's the only one who's noticed the massive crushes they have on each other.

She's thought about schemes to get them together, before. Like, texting Guang Hong from Leo's phone, or something. It would probably be amusing, and they'd at least stop acting like idiots all the time.

But they should figure it out for themselves. It's bound to happen, sooner or later. Eventually, one of them is going to confess, or make a move. They're building up to something, all on their own, and she doesn't want to interfere unless she absolutely has to.

They're actually pretty cute already, she supposes. Leo is skating around the rink with Guang Hong, an arm draped over his shoulder, and they're both laughing and smiling. They keep saying things into each other's ear, and it's like everybody else - the photographers, the cheering crowd, even the other medalist - doesn't even exist.

She hopes they figure it out soon.

…

Unknown Number: Hi, this is Guang Hong! I hope you don't mind, but Leo gave me your number after we talked on Skype last night. Good luck for your play tonight!

Dani is surprised Guang Hong remembers what she had said about the play, and her drama club.

Sure, Guang Hong had invited her to join the conversation, and they'd actually all talked for a really long time, until Dani realized how late it was getting. She'd thought he would mostly just focus on Leo, though, and was only including her because he was nice to everyone like that.

Apparently not.

She quickly saves his number as a contact (“Leo’s Boyfriend,” because she’s hilarious) and tries to think of how to respond.

Despite her many interactions and connections at school, and a rather large amount of social experience, she isn't exactly sure on the protocol for when your brother's almost-boyfriend texts you, completely separate from said brother.

Whatever. Guang Hong's cool, he'll be nice no matter what she says. She does try to tidy up her grammar, though. At least a little bit.

You: it's cool, i like talking to you. and thanks

Leo's Boyfriend: You're welcome! :)

He still uses smiley faces. Unironically.

That's honestly adorable.

Dani has to hand it to Leo. He's found himself a keeper.

…

Leo's Boyfriend: one time, when we were in japan, phichit made us all try sushi

You: omg no

Leo's Boyfriend: lets just say im never again forcing him to eat anything he says he doesn't want 2 eat

You: omg

You: ok ok my turn

You: so one time we went on this road trip to minnesota

You: it was winter so we decided to go skating at an outdoor rink for fun

You: of course, hes famous and everything so this one lady recognized him and asked him for a picture

You: so they take the picture, everythings great

You: but then he goes to skate away

Leo's Boyfriend: oh no

You: he somehow slips

You: and falls flat on his back

Leo's Boyfriend: did he get hurt??

You: just his pride

You: he got so embarrassed. it was hilarious

Leo's Boyfriend: omg!! XD

You: u know, i think sharing our blackmail material is the best idea weve ever had

Leo's Boyfriend: agreed

…

You: omg i know

You: its always the worst when he tries 2 rap, though

Leo's Boyfriend: don't get me started

Leo's Boyfriend: one time he tried to rap along to ceiling can't hold us by macklemore?

Leo's Boyfriend: like it was cute, but also probably one of the most awful things ive ever heard

Leo's Boyfriend: !!! pls dont tell him i said that!!

You: the cute part or the awful part

Leo's Boyfriend: …

Leo's Boyfriend: both

You: u know he wldn’t care right

You: actually he'd probably spontaneously combust if he knew

Leo's Boyfriend: u want me to tell him i think he's awful at rapping??

You: no

You: nvm

You: has he told u abt his death metal phase yet?

Leo's Boyfriend: !!!

…

“Hey, Dani?”

She looks up from her phone, about to tell Leo off for interrupting her in the middle of an important conversation about whether or not Charlie actually likes Liza, but then she sees his face.

He looks nervous. And… maybe a little upset, though he's hiding it pretty well.

“What?” she asks, turning off the screen and dropping her phone on the armrest.

“Um… can I talk to you?”

“Of course.”

He sits down next to her on the couch and takes a moment to collect himself.

“It's…”

He pauses. Swallows.

“It's about Guang Hong.”

Dani’s ears perk up at that, but she decides not to say anything. She'd rather Leo tell her what's up on his own terms.

“I…” he takes a breath. “You guys are… pretty close, right?”

Dani raises an eyebrow.

“I mean… I guess,” she answers. “I guess we text a lot.”

“Yeah. Well, you - you like him, right?”

“... yeah?”

Leo exhales.

“Okay,” he says decidedly.

Dani is confused.

Did she miss something?

“Okay… what?” she asks.

“Just… okay. You have my blessing.”

What on earth is he talking about?

“I have your blessing? Your blessing for what?”

Leo holds up his hands.

“I know, I know, you don't care what I think,” he says quickly. “I know you don't need it. But… I just thought… I know you like each other, but he's my friend, too, so I thought I'd just… tell you, I approve. Okay?”

A cold, hard pit starts to form inside of Dani’s stomach as she begins to realize what's going on.

“Leo,” she says, carefully, “what… exactly are you giving your blessing for me to do?”

Leo frowns. He runs a hand through his hair.

“To… to date Guang Hong.”

Oh.

Oh my god.

Dani lets her eyes fall shut and her head drop back against the couch.

“Leo,” she groans.

“It's okay! It's fine, I don't mind, really!”

“Leo…”

“I know, this is awkward, but I'm your brother, so - ”

“Leo, you're so stupid.”

He stops at that.

“I…” he swallows. “What?”

“Leo,” Dani says patiently. “I don't like Guang Hong like that. Guang Hong doesn't like me like that. We're friends. Just like you.”

Leo sits back.

“Huh,” he says. “Well, nevermind, then.”

Dani looks at him, sitting there all confused, getting lost in his own thoughts.

He looks a little relieved, but he doesn't know what to think, now. Dani wonders how much he had psyched himself up, prepared himself for hearing that Dani wants to date the guy he's in love with.

Probably a lot.

He has no idea Guang Hong likes him back, and Dani is just now realizing how seriously it's affecting Leo.

They can't go on this way. Dani needs to do something, if only to keep her brother from hurting like this.

“Actually, we're not like you at all,” she says, sitting up straighter. “Guang Hong and I are friends. Guang Hong and you are… I don't even know what you are.”

“What do you mean? We're friends!”

“No, you're not, Leo,” Dani insists. “I mean, you are, but don't you see you're so much more than that? God, you guys are hopeless.”

“What do you mean, more?”

“I mean, you two are in love with each other and you don't even know it! It's driving all three of us insane, and I'm the only one who even notices! I mean you're hopeless, Leo!”

She pauses at the stunned look on Leo's face, panting slightly.

Leo stares at her.

Dani stares back.

Then Leo whispers, “You think he knows?”

Dani swallows.

“Not about you,” she whispers back.

“But he likes me back.”

“Yeah.”

Leo looks at the floor.

“Wow.”

Dani grins, in spite of it all.

“Yeah. Wow.”

He looks up at her, squinting.

“Do you think I should tell him?”

“If you don't, I'll tell him myself.”

He looks back at the floor.

“Wow,” he whispers.

He looks amazed, as if the idea of Guang Hong actually liking him back had never even entered his brain.

He smiles softly to himself.

Dani rolls her eyes.

…

Unknown Number: hey, this is tara from drama club last year! ashlyn gave me your number, hope that's ok lol! i was just wondering, that's your brother and his friend in that pic on instagram, right?

You: let me guess. u want my brothers number

Unknown Number: actually, i was wondering abt his friend? he's rlly cute lol

Dani is a little surprised Tara doesn't want Leo's number, but she knows the post she's talking about, and honestly, she kind of gets it.

Guang Hong has been coming over every few days to visit, since he’s training in California in the off-season. In this particular instance, he and Leo were sitting side-by-side on the couch, Leo's arm resting casually over the top of Guang Hong's shoulders, and the lighting coming in from the bay window was absolutely gorgeous. They made a perfect picture, and Dani couldn’t resist putting in on Instagram.  

Well.

She smirks as she types her response to Tara, entirely truthful this time.

You: he’s taken, sry

[ilygsd]

odfidk: 140818 - 1

ok so i really want to talk to a therapist but i wont be comfortable explaining my life story if theyre white. i just want help cus im always so tired but no one helps. ive been angry, fighting my whole life but no one cares. i came as an angry anxious baby. i was furious when i was adopted. i was screaming all the time,  abandoned multiple times just to be bought by these white foreigners i didnt even understand. but no one cared. no one knew how to handle my loss and pain, and my dad’s emotionally abusive as it is, making me grow up, feeling like theres smth wrong with me. that im just an annoying angry kid by default or smth, while my sister was the perfect one. thats why i always protected her. thats why i always stood up against his accusations,  guilt tripping and anger. because my little sister was too afraid and i was already labelled as the problematic kid. but im tired. she’s fkn 15. after all the things ive done for her the least she gan do is ask me how im feeling fromt time to time. my whole family knows ive been depressed for like 2 years and the only one who cares is my mom who just survived a 7 year old long ptsd. i hear from her that my sister appreciates it but i never get anything from her. i dont feel appreciated in this family at all. im still the angry annoying sjw and nothing i say will ever be taken seriously by our dad cus hes a master of making both me, my sister and mom (probably brothers too but they fkn abandoned us a long time ago those pussies, leaving 10 year old me to fend for me and lil sis all on my own while our parents were divorcing, mom was suicidal, dad abusive and economy crashing) feel like shit. their divorce was probably my first trigger factor. it took me 2,5 years, i was 4 the first time i dared to let go of my parents. first time they could leave me out of sight without me being ”annoying and screaming” aka having a fucking panic attack. their divorce was another abandonment, another trauma and i never learnt how to get over that either.

yesterday i was crying in the bathroom for 2 hours straight bc my family doesnt love me, i get out and no one cares. i literally told my dad he wouldnt care if i died yesterday and he didnt react. he fkn closed the balcony door bc he didnt want the neighbors to hear me ”so angry and upset”. i yelled at him that when i commit suicide its going to be his fault but hes so narcissist and dumb he doesnt understand. so i threw smth and destroyed smth and tHEN he reacted. i love having to use unhealthy techniques like suicide threats and murdering threats to get a reaction. i once did that and this ex friend threatened to report me to the police for murder threat. her mom even called my boyfriends mom to warn them of me but she didnt even call my mom??? she didnt care abt the fact that next to my ”i want to kill everyone. dream of murdering my family” i also wrote ”i want to kill myself”. dont remind me of this though. im not proud of it. i know its weong to manipuqlte like this but no one teached me how to deal with my feelings and avandonemnt issues in a healthy way. and so i’ve took after my dad and turned into this controlling emtoionally abuser, all bottled up, constantly angry and sad, guilt tripping and manipulating the people im supposed to love in fear of them abandoning me. and i will always hate the world for making me suffer like this. 

i just want to rest. im tired of always fighting for something as basic as love and safety. i never got over the loss of mom and culture and people. and i lost every sense of safety i had built up during my adoptive parents divorce and older brothers leaving. and im unhappy, im always unhappy because i miss my mom and culture and people so much. i feel misplaced and lost. the only thing keeping me alive being the thought of one day going back to china. the only thing keeping me alive is the thought of being able to actually help people with my experiences and knowledge, to help other international transracial adoptees or maybe fight for chinese womens rights or smth. thats the only thing. if my life turns out like.... nothing i’ve been suffering in vain. if im never going to be happy ive been suffering for nothing. ive tried so hard in my life but nothing works. im cursed. i really am cursed but not only do people leave me im also incapable of feeling other peoples love. i cant feel other peoples love because the only love i want is my mothers. my REAL mother, my ACTUAL mother, the chinese mother society loves to shame and make me forget because you all see her as a threat to my white parents claim over me.

the only difference between me and all those other ”normal” adoptees (aka my little sister) is that they’re whitewashed to death by their family, probably even more emotionally abused than i was and also they’ve repressed their feelings and trauma and I AM THE VERY REASON ADOPTEES DO THAT. ME AND ADOPTEES OVERREPRESENTATION IN SUICIDE STATISTICS ARE THE REASONS BECAUSE ITS GOING TO KILL YOU. my abortion and friend-break up was the last trigger before i exploded but believe me, it would have happened sooner or later anyways. my whole life has been a trigger. however many adoptees live their whole lives without ever waking up from this pretty little perfect sunshine story their parents and society had told them. there’s a reason so many adoptees are whitewashed to death and hates your disrespectful nosy questions. its a survival technique. we know that if we want to survive a life with our background conditions, then we have to repress our feelings concerning our adoption and everything associated with it. its not conciously, ITS A DEFENSE MECHANISM. and we get so much shit for it, which is understandable because many adoptees are fucking racist asshats. but you need to fucking understand that its because they’ve learnt to hate themselves and their own people. they’re TERRIFIED of being associated with immigrants and people of color because they know their white racist parents secretely hate them and actually secretely hate them too. all they want is love, they dont know anything else. it sucks to argue with a 40 year old adoptee of color though who’s still racist and whitewashed af, thats just sad and i would love to focus more on younger adoptees and help and support them through their ”awakening”. the awakening is much like learning about sexism or racism and how its ingrained in everything and practiced by your family and friends. just 100x worse cus you realize your family isnt even your family and you’re all alone in your thoughts, feelings, experiences and eventual search.

and adoptive parents and adoption organisations need to take fucking respnsobility for once without blaming everything on our traumatic past. you’re not ready to adopt non-white kids with trauma. you’re not educated enough and you placing us in all-white countries and neighborhoods, with problematic and abusive parents will not help. and im not speaking for myself, im speaking for ALL international transracial adoptees. im tired of hearing ”but your sister”, ”but my daughter is not”, ”my son doesnt care” WELL AS I SAID THEY DONT CARE BECAUSE YOU’VE NEVER GIVEN THEM THE CHANCE OR REASON TO CARE. IVE SACRIFICED MYSELF FOR MY SISTER. IVE FOUGHT OUR PARENTS, IVE TOLD THEM I HATE THEM, IVE DONE EVERYTHING I COULD TO TEST THEM, MY MOM WAS SUFFERING FROM PTSD AND I WAS THE MOST ANNOYING PROBLEMATIC KID EVER BECAUSE 1. I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH MY PAIN AND 2. TO SEE IF THEY WOULD FINALLY HAVE ENOUGH AND LEAVE ME. I DID THAT BECAUSE I COULDNT LIVE WITH THE CONSTANT FEAR OF ONE DAY HAVING THEM GROW TIRED OF ME AND ABANDON ME. I WANTED THEM TO BECAUSE THEIR DIVORCE WAS AVANDOBMENT ENOUGH. I DID THAT BECAUSE MY KIND LITTLE QUIET SISTER WOULD NEVER HAVE THE COURAGE TO. SHE WOULD NEVER DARE TO STAND UP AGAINST OUR DAD OR QUESTION THEIR BAD PARENTING AND UNDEDUCATION WHEN IT COMES TO RACISM/ADOPTION INDUSTRY BECAUSE SHES SCARED. SHE HATES CONFLICTS AND FIGHTS BECAUSE THOSE ARE THINGS THAT TRIGGERS HER. SHE GETS TRIGGERED BY FIGHTS AND I GET TEIGGERED WHEN PEOPLE IGNORE ME BECAUSE SHES AVOIDANT AND IM ATTACKING. I WANT TO FIGHT BC THATS HOW I FEEL PPL CARE. WHEN MY DAD WALKS OUT ON ME WHEN I TRY TO FIGHT OR SAY SOMETHING THATS MY BIGGEST TRIGGER. WHEN I FIGHT WITH MT BF AND HE DOESNT ANSWER MY TEXTS OR HE SUDDENLY HUNGS UP ON ME THATS THE BIGGEST TRIGGER. MY SISTER WOULD HUNG UP BC SHE WOULD FIND SOMEONE LIKE ME SCARY BUT WE ALL GET TRIGGERED BY DIFFERENT THINGS. WHAT WE HAVE IN COMMON THOUGH IS OUR TRUSMA AND OUR ABANDOMENT ISSUES. SHES ALSO AFRAID OF BEING ABANDONED, WE ALL FUCKING ARE, MANY OF US JUST DONT KNOW IT YET BECAUSE OUR PARENTS ARENT EQUIPPED TO HANDLE KIDS WITH TRAUMA. I KNOW BECAUSE I LOVE POLITICS AND SOCIAL JUSTICE SO I EDUCATED MY OWN GOD DAMN SELF. MY SISTER LOVES NATURAL SCIENCE SO SHE DOESNT KNOW A SHIT SHE DOESNT EVEN KNOW WHAT A BISEXUAL IS AND SHES FKN 15, SHES AWESOME AT NATURAL SHIT AND THATS IT. I KNOW BECAUSE IVE ACTIVELY SOUGHT INFORMATION ABOUT IT BUT NOT EVERYONE DOES. NO ONE HELPED ME. EVERYTHING IVE LEARNT AND EVERYTHING I KNOW IS THANKS TO MY OWN GOD DAMN SELF. ADOPTIVE PARENTS DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT RACISM OR TRAUMAS. MY MOM UNDERSTANDS BECAUSE SHES A FUCKING PSYCHOLOGIST, BUT IF I DIDNT COME UP WITH THESE THEORIES ON MY OWN SHE NEVER WOULD. SHE TELLS ME NOW AT AGE 19 THAT ADOPTING ME, SEEING ME SCREAMING FOR DEAR LIFE AS I WAS HANDED OVER FELT WRONG. SHE FELT LIE SHE WAS TAKING ME, THAT IT WAS INHUMANE. AND NOW SHE KNEW WHY. BECAUSE IT WAS FUCKING WRONG AND INHUMANE. SHE WOULD NEVER HAVE COME TO THAT CONCLUSION IF I DIDNT PUSH HER WITH MY KNOWLEGE. IM THE ONE EDUCATING MY PARENTS AND ITS ONLY MY MOM LISTENING AND SINCE SHES WHITE AND NOT ADOPTED HERSELF SHES STILL ONLY ABLE TO UNDERSTAND LIKE 50% OF IT

i honestly dont get enough appreciation in this family. the only thinkers in this family is me, my mom and one of my brothers. but fuck him as i said, he abandoned us during their divorce and he’s been absent all my teenage years. we could have been close, he could have helped me bc he also suffered from depression. he gould have protected me like i proteced my little sister but he didnt. maybe it was the age gap or the fact that me and my sister are adopted while he and our other brother isnt, we’ll never know. all i know is that unlike my other brother and our dad he’s not completely unfamiliar with what racism, sexism and capitalism is. he’s not dumb and empty. he got a brain and he would be capable of understanding these things just like mom if he wanted to. but its been so many years, he’s fucking 28 and he betrayed me that bitch.

i really dont get enough appreciation. no one ever tells me they love me or appreciate my brain since im the only one analyzing shit. my mom does too but only personal and psycholgy shit never society or groups like oppression and structures and systems. im the only one doing that and im good at it. i always see patterns and i know my politics very well so i can easily see what kind of ideology people have. but i never get credit for it. im still just the lazy kid while my sister get cred for..... idk studying and working our and being didciplined. also ive been through mich more than anyone in this family. my mom and brother has also been through shit, i mean okay ALL OF them have because all people go through shit, but ive LEARNT things and they havent. they’ve repressed it or ignored it. only my mom and brother have also learnt but they never talk. my brother is avodiant like my sister. he never talks. hes quiet to himself and thinks. my mom talks but shes still a pussy

[kawaiifunhologram-blog]

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quote wizard car insurance

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I am soon to be 16, and a family member has a 1998 Mustang for sale. I was wondering, any idea on the insurance? read below -4.6L V8 -convertible -all power, seat belts, airbags, etc. -VERY good condition PS we dont have drivers assigned to our cars, just the drivers and cars. also, the conv. top has a 4 inch rip in the seam. is this repairable or does it have to be immeadiatley replaced? i can wait to have it replaced if i can simply repair it. NOTE: I DIDNT ASK THIS QUESTION to hear your too young or mustangs suck I am a responsible teenager and Mustangs have been my passion since i can remember. so thanks. NOTE""

Kaiser Insurance Premiums Refund?

I enrolled in Kaiser through State of California Employee Insurance program. Right after the enrollment, I cancelled the Kaiser in the middle of Febuary because my wife's employer had better deal for the familiy insurance. Kaiser sent me the insurance card. However, I have not used the Kaiser health insurance. State of California deducted my payment for the premiums. Since Feburary was the first month of the insurance coverage, and I have not seen the doctor with Kaiser, could I ask Kaiser to refund the premiums? Should I contact Kaiser directly or I have to go through State of California HR? Thanks.""

Getting my auto insurance rates down?

My wife and daughter just started driving, my daughter is a college student with a hi gpa and will be 18 soon. We have a 2008 Honda crv and a 2003 Honda Odyssey How can I get to pay the lowest premium with 100,000 300,000 my daughter only goes to school 4 days a week.Thanks John California""

Does becoming pregnant qualify as a life changing event for most insurance companies/employers?

Commonly, life changing events are listed as marriage, divorce, and birth of a child, ect. If a person doesn't have insurance and learns that they are pregnant, will most companies allow enrollment at that time even if enrollment is scheduled at a specific time of the year?""

Which insurance company is the cheapest for a new UK rider?

Which insurance company is the cheapest for a new UK rider?

Vehicle hit while parked will insurance rate go up????

I get a call from my girlfriend that on the way to the train she saw my car was smashed -Bumper , fender , Headlight need to be replaced The car was parked at the time. Gessing this would be considered a hit and run?Wll insurance rates go up if i put in a claim?????""

Does anyone know of affordable health insurance for college students?

Does anyone know of affordable health insurance for college students?

Classic car insurance from a 17 year old? less than a grand (VW Beetle)?

Hi all, Im 17 a VW enthusiast and just passed my driving test. I'm not saying im going to be any different to the statistics but im not a racer at all, lack of experience is still an issue though Guys preimiems are double girls and yet i think its possible to get insurance ive heard of people who have just wonder from which company? Im after insurance for a VW type 1 1300 beetle or a VW split screen camper for a 17 year old. As anyone who has tried getting a quote for a 17 year old boy its going to be 800 for cheap 1L car, 900 for a 1.25L Fiesta or 1,400 for a 1.4L Zetec. So im after insurance for less than 1000 has anyone manged it for a classic car? and where? The RAC quoted 1,100 and then went to ask about it and then they refused had several quote for a 1.6L beetle (due to age and slowness) of 1,400 but would like under a 1000""

Will health insurance cover existing medical bills?

I have a kidney stone that is unbearable and I want to get it checked out. I just applied for health insurance but I have to wait to find out if it's approved. Can I go to the hospital today and have it be covered when my insurance application is approved?

How much will my car insurance go up if i got an ovi dropped to reckless op?

i was pulled over and ended up being charged w an ovi, but my lawyer got it reduced to a reckless op. how much will my insurance go up and how many points on my licensee will that be?""

Car Insurance question ( British Columbia)?

My boyfriend was driving me car and crashed it. Everything is on my insurance.They said the cost of my insurance will be up for three years. and then it will go back to normal. If I don't get insurance for those three years will it go away or will I still have to pay it when I go to get insurance after the three years?

Can my employer insure my privately owned car?

Hi, I currently have a company car, owned by my employer and assigned to me when I passed my test in May. However, I've been looking at buying a car on ebay to run around in. What I'm asking is, if I buy this car on eBay is it within the law for me to give back my company car and have my employer insure me on my privately bought car or does the car have to be owned by my employer? Kind regards, Phil""

Do you have health insurance?

if so, how much is it per month? how old are you? what kind of dedutactable do you have? feel free to answer also if you do not have insurance and do you support obamacare?""

""The lug nuts on my tyre are too tight to take off with my socket wrench, any ideas on how to get them off?

I don't know much about cars but I have to change a flat tyre myself as the car doesn't have insurance and can't be taken to the shop. Would there be a tool that i could use to make it easier to take the lug nuts off??

Do you know how much insurance is for a Porsche Cayenne ?

I am 15 1/2 years old and i am planning to buy a Porsche Cayenne S. I was wondering how much insurance is going to cost???

Where can I find cheap car insurance for my BMW 7 Series car?

Hi. I just bought a BMW 135i Convertible. Where can I find cheap car insurance for this car? I've checked the major ones like Geico but the quotes they list out are pretty expensive in my opinion.

Do I need to have insurance to drive my parent's cars?

The cars have insurance but I don't. Do I need it!?

Will paying off my car loan lower my premiums on my car insurance?

After some research on the pros and cons of paying off my car loan early, I've decided to go ahead and pay it off while I can. Despite all the research, I still don't know if doing so will help lower my insurance rates. I have to carry full coverage on my 7-yr-old car (I purchased it used) as long as the bank holds the lein. Thanks!""

Why are those who declared a great need to be able to buy Affordable Health Insurance now refusing to buy it ?

Why are so many of those who declared that they had a great unfulfilled need to be able to buy Affordable Health Insurance.... which they assured us they would buy if & when it were made available to them,.... now refusing to buy this Affordable Health Insurance now that it has been made available to them ? Why did those people who screamed the loudest declaring the need for them to be offered the opportunity to buy Affordable Health now screaming the loudest to declare they do not intend to buy the same Affordable Health Insurance that they told us they would buy if it were offered to them and would rather pay a fine than buy the Affordable Health Insurance that they had clamored for ?""

Do you need motorcycle insurance in Georgia?

do you need motorcycle insurance in Georgia

Is Arizona's new law racial profiling against persons without driver's licenses and automobile insurance?

Is Arizona's new law racial profiling against persons without driver's licenses and automobile insurance?

""My daugter is 19, and drives without insurance and driver licence(she has a permit though) in California?""

I tried to reason her not to do it, till I get insurance and she gets the licence, but nothing works. She bought the car on her own, but I was planning to help her with insurance. I wanted to find some impressive articles on internet..kind of like If you drive without insurance, you go to jail or pay $1000, and your car is taken away :-) , but couldn't find anything oficial. Please help!""

Would the health issues I have impact my insurability or rates for life insurance?

I'm a 51-year-old female. I've been on disability for six years for chronic fatigue syndrome, depression and panic disorder. I also have mild hypertension. I'm on meds for all these conditions. BUT I've never had, nor have any family history of cancer, heart disease, diabetes, any sort of breathing problems or major organ dysfunction. I would think it might even be a plus in terms of insurability that I rarely leave my house!""

Health and Maternity Insurance.?

My wife and I are wanting to have a baby and need to get health insurance that includes maternity. I have gotten a couple quotes, but they all seems somewhat high being that she is only 22 and in great health. Who would be the best and most affordable provider to talk to? Thanks, Dustin""

Should I do something to this company insurance?

Some how Bank of America took my personal information and gave to this company insurance that covers medical thing. They have my personal Banking information. I canceled the insurance policy on August 15 and they took out 29.99 out of my bank and I now have 60.98 in my checking account. Should I do something about?

quote wizard car insurance

quote wizard car insurance

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/quote-form-health-insurance-matthew-fisher/"

[misplacedmelancholy]

cowardice, courage

it’s not a rash decision.. it is something that’s been festering in my mind and life the past 3 years, and my state of mind has just been deteriorating increasingly, because im STILL here. i want to stop being passive, stop doing smth which had been a consequence of ill decision making and which i hadnt had the will to terminate. somehow i had fooled my mum into believing this is a worthy path, because im the one who’s enabling this waste of time and her money.

i know where the problem lies: curriculum is shit and i get no concrete value from this education. yes i shouldve been done with it by now, but that’s just not what has happened, my inability to “just get this over and done with” in itself proves my desperation in wanting, but not being able to move on. most significantly, the ennui ive been experiencing is corroding my self worth. knowing the problem, knowing how it’s impacting my well being, knowing the source of my misery, yet having done nothing to help myself out of it.

what happens when im finally done with it, 8000$ + exam fees later, with a (low level) degree i never was invested in? i literally won’t even use it because i know what i want to pursue seriously and “professionally”. it will be useless, and i would have had subject myself to unimaginable inner torment to get there. i say unimaginable bc currently im in the worst state ive ever been (stopped experiencing “recovery” or “betterment”) and i just know it will worsen when school term starts. i can’t even stand the thought of repeating whatever it is we did in school, all over again. i dont wanna lose myself to this.

“find a job first and do what u want later” that’s what my fam says, they’re not the ones who have found a keen interest in things, or a passion for something. (i mean they’re not even liberals) they’re a product of societal conditioning, inactivated self awareness or just not utilised, and i dont want to be just that, esp since i am /the/ rebel in the fam. even in the context of an absurd world and futility, i know what excites me, what gives me vitality, i know what i advocate for, why have i not started doing things for myself and my own life? i want to live for the arts and for moments of connection.

i believe ive met with enough ppl in not just the arts scene, to see the different kinds of realities they live, and these are the ppl i wanna learn from. i have an honest idea of this kind of life, and im ready to live with it if i find myself in similar situations. ive told some of them that i admire them, and ive been given advice. i dont want to meet these ppl 1 year later, and have them tell me the same things. if there’s anything ive gained over these past few months, it’s that i need to stop being an observer, stop doing things i like as a distraction, but take them and myself seriously.

i know all this sounds idealistic and prob unimaginable for u, but ive seen it and i want to make it happen for myself. i can and will do so many things, amanda. right now i wanna be admitted to an arts program, bach or diploma undecided, so i need to read up on requirements, which require a portfolio. ill start looking thru what ive amassed, put some things together- photo series, text, short clips. produce some new things based on ideas ive had, submit to zines and publications, enter photography competitions, volunteer at events (alr signed up for one in nov, singapore writers festival). pick up my dslr again coz i haven’t had the capacity to do it recently. work more shifts at suntec temporarily (to at least pay my phone bills coz my mum says she’ll stop once i graduate so it’s the same), begin to experience the unemployed millenial life. i can look for some other contract jobs (im looking to work at the projector but ill need to work on my portfolio first). i do know some ppl already, and there are always opportunities floating around (lots of open calls). i just need to take this first step. yes ill prob be a failure to my mum, family, whoever, but at least i know ill be doing smth i want, amanda. not just waiting for smth i don’t want to face to be over. ill feel better, at least. and i i don’t know when else i would if not now.

the catalyst for this decision really was a long conversation i had with my friend on friday. he knew id been delaying the checking of my results, and before he left he just casually mentioned “u haven’t checked ur results right”, and i said yes i have. i said ill prob be more depressive once term starts, (we’ve talked abt this before) he said he really thinks i ought to do smth abt it, and i became silent and he sensed smth was amiss and then he talked to me for a loong while. i got a stress headache coz its just difficult. one of the things he asked was “what hurts you the most?” i couldn’t answer so he gave me 3 options: family, self worth, (forgot the last one lol), and i said self worth. this past weekend everything here was all i thought abt (cried, obviously), and ytd i texted him (while at an exhbition): “i realise a big part of my cowardice has been towards my mum. the first step i need to take is putting myself somewhere i want to be, knowing that she has stopped having faith in me and cant support me. it’s what hurts me the most”

[kkukkung]

Im crying in the school bathroom rn I seriously love wonho so much I'm in pain why is he my ideal guy in every way he's so amazing and handsome and sweet but whO CARES BEVause he don't kno me haha am I right

big mood all the time im always in pain bc he rly................ doesn’t KNOW i would let him shave off my eyebrows if he wanted 2

tardy replies as usual under the cut!

(sorted from oldest to newest)

I wouldn't even care if wonho was a high maintenance boyf tbh I'd just sit and comb his hair all day and tell him he's pretty

hdjkfh this was so long ago but i think i was mostly kidding abt him being a high maintenance bf... like he would do so much giving? but i guess the only thing he’d need is constant reassurance that his s/o loves him imo jfdhgjk... i also think he’d b someone who either doesn’t settle down ever or does it very late in his life!

annie 🌹literary queen ❤️ literally crowned with a laurel wreath! not be drum attic but this midsummer nights monsta au is so!!!! give me sistar as the four star crossed lovers then drag me to h*ll and give me this doctor faustus au i'm itching for with kihyun as faustus and k.will as mephistopheles bc i love to watch my faves s*ffer but don't let me rip until i get my much ado about nothing au with the entire cast of starship ent and a lil cameo from giriboy!

(in refence to this monsta x as shakespearean archetypes ask!) fjdshgkjs shh i lov u... why is k will as mephistopheles so Accurate esp no.mercy k will lmao. um u should write all of these? in fact if... if anyone has mx literary aus.... hmu...... i’ll n*t

another thing about that incident is that it seems like the fan doesn't think Changkyun and Jooheon undersood them?? (an extension i guess they assumed they don't understand english very well) and that's pretty problematic. it seems to me that when they didn't respond the fan assumed they didn't understand and kept repeating it, as a joke. but they literally did That to the two with the most proficient english in the group... it's rly a mess all around. it's disrespectful through and through

(in relation to that gross “d*ddy” incident from a while ago) ik i feel like some intl fans think korea is a land completely culturally and linguistically alienated/divorced from the rest of the world or something and while cultural relativism is real to some extent... the idea that koreans are completely unaware of ~outside~ things is deeply racist. like mostly white ppl think that diasphoric poc are completely Different from them? when my mum went to the states 15 years ago some ppl literally asked her if there were newspapers in china lol...

i just randomly thought of monsta x as sesame street characters mostly bc i wanna see kihyun and wonho duke it out as bert and ernie (kihyun w/ the waste paper bin on his head and wonho asking 'where's the waste paper bin' and kihyun saying 'ask me that again and look into my eyes') and also minhyuk being elmo tbh...

JKGHKJDF PLEASe!!!! when will something like this b photoshopped... minhyuk as elmo is... spot on... i remember once elmo appeared on a now-discontinued late night talk show program i used to watch when i was in primary school and he was like “elmo likes wasabi, that’s why elmo has no eyebrows” and idk why ive never been able to forget this????? very lmh. also this made me think of a monsta x muppets au n minhyuk is the pic of ass-gape kermit.... next post of mine will b monsta x as kermit reaction pics

Hyungkyun is such an under appreciated ship. Like, they just get each other so well? Why do people overlook it. ㅠ.ㅠ Do you have a moment that made you ship them? How would you describe their dynamic?

it’s bc they’re intp x intj they don’t rly... Understand each other with minimal effort/real communication lmao it’s very efficient. both quiet lil darlings who aren’t emotionally That Open but enjoy their own little space together sometimes?? their dynamic is like... they’re weird in different ways but they’re v chill together. u can tell hyungwon is super fond of changkyun like he has this Expression when ck does anything at all.... i think these two rly love each other’s personalities bc they’re both kind/gentle/peaceful types and their overall ?? vibe is just highly compatible... they’re absolute darlings... v soft together... i can’t think of a favourite moment but i rly rly love their birthday messages for each other last year like changkyun’s message for hyungwon was like “ur rly cool bruh ur rly such a great person” and hyungwon’s message for changkyun was rly... just him obviously doting on him n finding him cute jksfdhg i lov them a lot :(

soyou: i know how to make hair pretty :))) knetz: dirty fckn iljin why can't she be out there being being PRODUCTIVE in society by having babies and learning how to be a good wife for her future husband ://// smh how dare she be successful now when i'm stuck doing what society wants me to do but also anonymously attacking ppl i don't personally know on the internet bc THATS respectable the irony of ugly knetz is so transparent

The whole thing about Knetz and wonho's "scandalous" past reminded me of something. As a PSA to those people who are so insistent and pushy that idols aren't allowed to have sex/date/be anything but straight: Fuck all of you. You do not own these people, and if you really cared about them you'd be happy if they were happy. Like tbh, if anyone that famous and busy could also balance out a relationship at the same time, I'd be so happy for them. It really bugs me how all idols are supposed (1/2)(2/2) have this squeaky clean innocent image where they have to look and act a certain way and have these stupid fucking dating bans because once they don't meet up to that image their success suffers. Idols already give up so much privacy, and the last thing they need is millions of people scrutinizing every little thing they do. I don't even know where I started this rant from, but basically, GIVE IDOLS PRIVACY AND DONT JUDGE THEM FOR THEIR PASTS OR FOR BEING IN RELATIONSHIPS OR WHATEVER

yeth ty for highlighting the gross obsession w purity and productivity (like the first anon said -- a very confucian sort of ideal)... i don’t rly have anything else to add here i think. also i would fight for soyou i fact i would fight lmh who said she was his ideal type in no.mercy era... she’s rly one of my faves and the way she was slandered for the hairdressing thing was one of the most ridiculous things knets ever did lmao honestly yuk

u a kihyun stan now👀👀👀

im a @fhiz​ stan it’s the same thing tbh

ahh so i saw your tags on that jh gifset! as one of the few jh stans (or maybe there are way more than i think there are lol) i rly love his "reversal charm." he has a lot of what i lack as a person: a strong presence and a lot of confidence! i respect him so much as a person alth i rag on him a lot LMAO. sorry if this is a bit long winded but i just rly wanted to put this out there ;;

this is rly cute i lov hearing ppl talk abt their faves lovingly it rly... Heals Me. i think it’s strange how underappreciated jooheon is in this fandom especially bc he’s usually the one who catches ur eye first bc he’s so hyped by starship as being a one-in-a-million talented rapper u know? and he rly shines in mvs and no.mercy but............. y does he have the least fansites jkfhdg ?? you’re v right abt the reversal charm thing but i feel like sometimes it’s very overdone like... on lots of shows he’s asked to do aegyo when rly he should be asked to... idk... rap or dance or something?? i actually think jooheon is the most serious member of monsta x sometimes bc he seems to have a sense that he’s.. the pillar of mx if that makes sense? and that’s why he’s always pushing himself and working tirelessly like he feels very Responsible for this group, more than anyone else. idk if that makes sense!!! i love him and i want him to... unwind a bit bc sometimes he looks so stressed and tired but he still feels the need to pretend to be energetic like my heart rly hurts for him :/ this got so emo im sry i do rly love to hear that u respect him sm i love jooheon stans :(

i can see what u mean about jooheon being 1 of the most masculine. (iirc u also talked abt kihyun being that in a post a while ago) like with his face and his physique he really is striking; his body=like that slim,upside-down Y that you'd learn to draw men w/ in Anatomy 101 , but i think.. ,--not that u asked, but,, i think the jury's still out on if he's comfortable w his masculinity with the way he acts feminine lyk misogynistic comedians Can sound like dead ringers for women,? idk & i take +

(not sure if there was a 2nd part to this? there’s nothing else in my inbox so i’m sry if there was and tumblr ate it) yeth i think i meant that his demeanor is the most ~~masculine~~ whereas i think kihyun is still the most... idk... mature-masculine?? if tht makes sense, and i definitely agree w u on that second point! i didn’t think of that at the time but now that i... do... think abt it... ur right and also the way he comes back from it by putting on the >swag demeanor again in an attempt to polarise it is definitely a bit 👀👀👀 he probably doesn’t want to risk his Manly Rapper Image for real u kno? that said it’s ingrained in kpop that behaving cute --> “girly” entails that sort of “comedic” high-pitched voice + compact body language etc.... like i’m not condoning that ofc but i definitely think it’s broader than this particular case! :/ hm

maybe i'd be doing better in school if i could major in kihyunology ;~; i stan him but i def think we still don't know much about him even after all this time after debut. especially when i look at him compared to wonho who wears his heart on his sleeve (bless him i love wonho sm, gotta protect this bun at all costs!!)...but ya it just makes me wanna learn more about him like who is the real kihyun??

i want to write a kihyun meta when i have time... i feel like i Get him a bit more these days but it’s also very hard to put into words bc u kno when u kinda sorta mb get some1 but it’s a feeling rather than anything conveniently expressable gkjdhfjk.... idk if anyone wants to send in some Kihyun Thoughts + Meta feel free! :>> i don’t think he’s actually... as complex as we sometimes make him out to be lol like his behaviour is actually kind of predictable? more on his later

wait is the february comeback actually true? ugh i'm so conflicted cuz on one hand i'm excited if there's really gonna be a full length album, but i also think they need more rest but then there's the matter of getting their first win and idk i'm super psyched but i'm also worried that the boys are being overworked

i still feel like they had a comeback like yesterday lol like looking at their schedules stresses me out bc they do so much..... im glad wonho got to go to his mum’s cafe recently tho! all we can do is have faith in them rn and when it’s time... stream, buy things if ur able to, spread the news and the hype etc. i am definitely Worried abt some things like the competition they’re up against but.... gotta have faith u kno... and i feel like all active idols are kind of... permanently worked very hard but i think currently only jooheon and shownu are a bit Overloaded. also has the date been confirmed yet... it’s february already...