#like steve was not talking to anyone about his grief and trauma lol that's how the mcu pretended it didn't exist and people fell for it

[autumnrory]

i do think sometimes need to remember when something is an issue in fanon and that canon is not necessarily Like That

[justmeinadaze]

Yin and Yang Part 3 (Steddie X You)

Warnings: Older Daddy Eddie (Late 30s)/ Older Dom Mr. Harrington (Late 30s) & Younger Fem Sub Y/N (mid 20s), SMUT, reader becomes a bit of brat in this one, Spanking, slight degrading, LOTS of dirty talk, hair pulling, I think that's it. FLUFF, Eddie and the reader have a long established relationship and they love each other, they love Steve to but...

ANGST, Reader feels neglected with how busy both boys are but especially Eddie. Tries to make them jealous, Jealous Steddie 😈,There's a moment where Eddie talks about his mom and his grief (brief), Steve has some insecurities with intimacy and being in a relationship (written from the fears of yours truly *bows* LOOK I HAVE TRAUMA OK?!), Cliffhanger ending (because I can :) ).

Enjoy reading it because I had fun writing the smut part lol

Word Count: 5771

Last Chapter here/ Donate or Tip Here

For the past few weeks, Eddie had been incredibly busy. 

There was a new band that had been signed to his label and he was doing everything he could to push them in front of all the important eyes he could. When you went to visit him, most of the time he was in a meeting or on the phone. What really bothered you was when he brought all that home and spent hours in his office grumbling at people on the other end. 

Steve had been on the go a lot as well. It had been a few months since you first met him and you found yourself missing him as much as you missed Eddie. You would constantly scroll through his social media and watch interviews he did on YouTube hoping to just get a glimpse of what he was up to. Did he miss you as much as you missed him? Probably not with how many women he was constantly seen with. 

Even with your boyfriend, you felt like he wasn’t giving you enough attention and it made you feel underappreciated.

“That’s ridiculous, Mack, are you kidding? These ladies are incredibly popular right now and they are worth way more than the price you’re offering.”

It was late in the evening and Eddie had barely touched his food before his phone rang and he excused himself to take the call. You missed him so much and you hated feeling so alone. After changing into your white silk nightie you knew he loved, you tip toed into his office as he leaned back into his chair and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. 

He barely even moved when you slid onto his lap and wrapped one of your arms around the back of his neck while your other palm rubbed his chest. 

“I’m not someone you fucking haggle with. Either you give me the price we’re offering or you don’t and you have no band. It is what it is.” Hanging up his phone, he tossed it loudly onto his desk as he released a heavy sigh. “Jesus, I’m fucking done with event managers and producers.”

“I’m sorry, Daddy. I know how hard you work. Can I make you feel better?”

“Oh, sweetheart, not tonight. I still have one more call to make and then I just want to take a long warm shower and go to bed.”

“Please, baby.”, you coo as you kiss his cheek.

You both exhale in frustration as his phone starts to aggressively vibrate. As he reaches over to answer, your own palm shoots out to cover his. 

“Please, Eddie.”, you plead as your eyes bore into his. 

“I have to take this, Y/N. It will be real quick and—”

He doesn’t even get to finish as you push yourself off his lap and head towards your bed to fall asleep alone. 

***

A knock on the front door startles you both while you were (silently) getting ready for the launch party of Eddie’s new band that he finally signed to biggest venue in California. 

“Are you expecting anyone?”

After shaking your head, he saunters over to the door and slowly opens it before a force of a man pushes through making Eddie beam with delight. 

“Harrington! What are you doing here, man?”

“Like I’d miss one of your launches, dude. Where’s your gorgeous girlfriend?” Both men were taken aback when they heard your heels click along the floor before you practically jumped in Steve’s open arms. “Whoa! There she is. Everything alright?”

You didn’t say anything as you squeezed your arms tightly around him and inhaled the cologne that clung to his neck. 

“Baby, let him breathe.”

“I’m sorry. I…we just missed you.”

A small smile flickers across his lips when you release him from your hold before he leans down and tenderly kisses your cheek. 

“I missed you both to and you both look delicious like always.”, he grins. “Come on, let’s have some fun tonight.”

####################

You weren’t having any fun as you pouted in the back of the club hosting the party with your arms crossed as you watched both men before you. Eddie, who didn’t really enjoy this kind of evening events, mingled with some of the men and continued to gesture towards the group he signed as they let loose on stage, completely ignoring you to the point that he barely even noticed when your arm detached from his to go on the hunt for Steve. 

The businessman himself, was giggling and openly flirting with a couple of women at a nearby table and you couldn’t help the bile that gurgled in your throat when you noticed one of their hands was resting on his upper thigh. 

Neither of them were paying attention and it pissed you off. As you thought about ways to attain what you desperately craved an opportunity suddenly presented itself. 

“Hey pretty girl. I’m Xavier and I couldn’t help but notice you over here by yourself. May I buy you a drink and keep you company?”

With a mischievous smirk, you nodded and allowed this young man to take your hand as he guided you to the bar. As he began to talk to you about something you couldn’t care less about, you wondered how long it would take for them to notice. Eddie wasn’t exactly the jealous type but he was incredibly protective especially when it came to parties with a lot of people. He had an idea of how the industry was and wanted to make sure you were always safe. 

You had also never really given him a reason to be jealous because you were always so infatuated with him, you never even wanted to look anywhere else. With Steve, it was different and he was so much like Eddie with a few contrasts that together would make them a force to be reconned with. 

“Y/N.”, the businessman cooed you name with a sarcastic edge. “Who’s your friend?”

“Hi, um, I’m Xavier.”, he introduces again, raising his hand for Steve to shake.

His gorgeous eyes look down at it with disgust before clicking his tongue and meeting his gaze. 

“Yeah, I would get your palm off her thigh, X.” Your own eyes quickly look that way to find the other man’s hand was indeed resting where the end of your dress and skin meet. You hadn’t even noticed. 

“What’s it to you, Mr. Harrington?”

When Steve chuckles, a giddy adrenaline sends chills through your body straight down to your core.

“Is this really the game you want to play, honey?”, he asks you as he absently gestures to the man across from you. 

“Excuse me but it sounds like you’re threatening this young woman, Steven.”, the man tries to defend. 

“That’s because I am, Xavier.”, he replies in an equally matched tone without breaking his eye contact from yours. “See, this young woman is Eddie’s girl and since he’s my best friend I have a responsibility to keep an eye on her.”

“And yet she was standing by herself near the wall all alone.”

Pain briefly flashes through Steve’s eyes; at you being alone or the fact that he didn’t notice, you weren’t sure. Sighing and shaking his head, he turns without saying another word and walks away leaving you in disbelief. 

That’s all? He’s not going to do anything? 

The heartbreak you felt was aggressively overwhelmed with anger as you got up from your chair and stomped towards your boyfriend. 

“EDWARD MUNSON! I need to talk to you NOW!”

His wide shocked eyes met yours as all conversation around him immediately ceased before regaining his composure to politely smile your way. 

“Baby, I’m in the middle of a conversation right now. Can it wait a moment?”

“No, it can’t but if you want to keep ignoring me and talking to these assholes you can!” The sound of Steve choking on his beverage as he laughed at your words behind Eddie’s shoulder caught your attention. “Shut up, Harrington! You’re just as much of an asshole as the rest of them!”

A couple of the men beside him snicker as your boyfriend’s angry eyes remain locked on you as his head tilts to the side. He’s never seen you behave this way and to be honest he found it fascinating even as he was seething. 

“Uh oh, Eddie. Sounds like someone’s girlfriend needs a tampon.”

For a moment, you think he’s going to ignore the rude comment as he continues to glare your way as his chest rises and falls in heavy fury filled breaths. 

“You know what, Kevin, one of our bands is playing at one of your venues next week right? I’m going to pull them and go with my second choice.”

“Now wait a minute, Ed—”

“NO, YOU WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE!”, he abruptly yells the man’s way, making you jump. “Even though she’s being a brat, that’s still the woman I love so you will show her fucking respect! Am I being understood?!”

“Yeah, man. Yeah, we understand.”

Glancing behind him at Steve again, you notice him bite his bottom lip as his glassy eyes constantly rake over Eddie as he defends you. 

“Nothing hotter than watching Eddie get tightly wound.”

When he first told you that, you didn’t exactly have a frame of reference but seeing it now as the man you loved oozed and asserted his dominance was driving you crazy. 

Taking a hold of your hand, Eddie practically tugs you towards the exit with Steve in tow. Behind you, you hear one of the girls he had been talking to ask where he was going but the businessman ignored her question as he grabs the hand she had placed on his bicep and moves it to the side. 

“You want my attention, little girl, you got it.”, Eddie growled making your knees weak. 

##############

You couldn’t help but drag your feet a little bit as your boyfriend powerwalked into your shared apartment and made a beeline towards the bourbon. 

“Move.”, Steve commanded firmly as he lightly pushed you forward till you were in the middle of the wide-open living room. “Stay.”

“I’m not a fucking dog.”, you sassed under your breath right as he turned to leave. 

Smirking, he swiveled slowly back around to face you before roughly tangling his fingers in your hair and pulling your head back till your chin was jutting out in the air as your defiant eyes met his.

“Stop acting like a bitch and I’ll stop treating you like one.”, he replied calm and cooly as if he were whispering sweet nothings against your lips. “Now…stay.”

This time he backed away from you, raising his eyebrow as if to challenge you to speak again which you don’t take. 

“Are you alright?”, Steve asks genuinely as Eddie knocks back what’s in his glass and pours another. 

“She’s never done that before. She’s never been a brat like that.”

“Hm.”, he hums as they both shift their gazes your way. “Maybe, it’s been too long since Daddy’s shown little girl her place.” 

When worry paints Eddie’s features, his friend tenderly pushes his long hair out of the way so he can see his face. The action made your head tilt as you continued to study their personal dynamic. They seemed to care about each other very much but lately you often wondered why they never pushed past that best friend boundary. 

“Does it bother you? That she’s not as innocent as you believed her to be?” Without hesitation, the man shook his head making Steve toss a lighthearted smile your way as if to tell you everything was ok. “Eddie, she’s a big girl. She knows her limits and she knows your safe word. She been practically begging for your attention to the point that she caused a scene in front of those douchebags. Give baby girl what she’s asking for.”

“I don’t want to hurt her. I…I don’t know how to be like you, Steve.”

You couldn’t hear what they were saying but you could see the conflict in your boyfriend’s eyes. You wanted to assure him you were fine and that you trusted him. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t.

“It’s ok, Eddie, baby.”

“Did either of us say you could speak, little girl?!”, Steve boomed making you yelp as you immediately silenced yourself. Like a devil on his shoulder, the businessman whispered in Eddie’s ear as he removed his suit friend’s suit jacket and tossed it to the side. “You see that? Really look at her, Eddie. She’s still that innocent, pretty girl you love to take care of. But sometimes…” While he spoke, Steve’s large palm gradually glided down Eddie’s chest, below his waist, and to the prominent bulge in his slacks. “…sometimes good girls need to be put in their place and reminded why they call you Daddy.”

Eddie’s eyes briefly met his friend’s before reaching out to forcibly crash his lips to his. The way Steve grinned and chuckled when they pulled away had a needy whine escape your chest as the ache between your legs grew. 

“Can you show me?”

“Yeah, baby, I can show you.”

After taking off his own jacket and rolling up his sleeves, he grabbed the long-haired man’s arm and maneuvered him till he was directly in front of you taking up all your personal space as his nose hovered just above yours. 

“Don’t take your eyes off his, Y/N.”

“Yes, Mr. Harrington.”

“Did you buy her this dress?”

“I buy all her dresses.”, Eddie answers flatly.

“Is this a favorite, Edward?”

His irises leave yours, slowly trailing down your body and back up to your face before shaking his head. As soon as he gets the go ahead, Steve rips your dress in two in his massive hands causing you to groan in pleasure as he aggressively yanks it off your frame. 

“Put your fucking hands down.”, he growls, reaching over to push at your arms when your automatically raise them to cover your breasts. As the businessman placed himself behind you, you could feel his gaze burning into your skin the same way Eddie’s was and you fully fell into that headspace making you feel small under their towering figures boxing you in. 

“Has your Daddy ever spanked you before?”

“No, Sir.”, your murmured in a tiny voice that had your boyfriend’s chest heave as he exhaled.

“Huh. Never been a bad girl or has he just been letting you get away with everything this whole time?”

“I-I-I’m a good girl, Mr. Harrington.”

“Mhmm. I’m going to spank you 10 times and when I’m done you’re going to thank me. Do you understand? Until then all I want to hear is ‘Yes, Sir’ or ‘No, Sir’ when I ask you something.”

“Yes, S-S-Sir.”

You squeaked when his palm abruptly connected with your behind. 

“Louder, Y/N. I want to fucking hear you or I start over. Now, I said, do you understand?”, Steve grumbled through clenched teeth in your ear. 

“Yes, Sir.”, you answered more prominently, satisfying him enough to take a step back and balance a hand on your shoulder. 

Your eyes remained glued to Eddie as his best friend spanked your ass a few times allowing some time in between before every slap. As you searched his features, you could tell your boyfriend was enjoying this. The way his mouth twitched into a small smirk every time a light moan left your lips and his now large dent trying to push through his pants told you he wanted nothing more than to fuck you till you were screaming his name. 

Steve seemed to have more control, his tone never wavering as he began throwing questions your way. 

“So you’re a good girl, huh. I may be mistaken but good girls respect their Daddies.”

“I do respect—Mmph!”

“That didn’t sound like a yes or no Sir to me.”, Steve scolded as he hit you again. “So you shouting at him in front of people he works with is respect?”

*SPANK*

“N-No, Sir.”

“Letting another man touch your leg is respect?” 

At that particular question, a fire lit in Eddie’s eyes making you tremble as you were spanked a bit harder than before. 

“No, Sir.”

“You let someone touch you?”, your boyfriend asked in a gruff tone you had never heard from him before. 

“I didn’t know his hand was—”

“Oh, bullshit. So you didn’t willingly sit at a bar with that guy thinking it would make Eddie jealous so you could get his attention?”

“Yes, Sir, but—”

“But what, Y/N? Huh?” Eddie’s fingers tangle in your hair and pull just like his friend had. “But what?!”

“You and Mr. Harrington were ignoring me!”, you cry as Steve’s hand comes down harder. 

“We’re busy men, Y/N, and you know that.”

“Busy flirting! Steve had girls touching him and—”

The man him leaned forward and your pussy clenched as both their breaths warmed your face. 

“Who am I in here, little girl? Do you need to be reminded every fucking time or are you just doing this to piss me off?” The sound of his palm hitting your skin reverberated loudly though the room. “Your Daddy may have let you get away with that shit but I won’t.”

“I’m sorry, Sir.”

“Little slut got fucking jealous because other girls were flirting with me.” *SPANK* “But instead of coming to talk to me you pouted and behaved like a spoiled brat trying to get my attention.” *SPANK* “And what’s your excuse with him, huh? Eddie would never hurt you like that.”

“D-D-Daddy didn’t notice w-w-when I was alone.”

Steve didn’t understand it but he heard it in your tone and saw it in his best friend’s eyes as they widened for a moment. Your words meant something to you both. 

“One more, Y/N. You…you did really well. You took your punishment like a good girl.”

Your eyes remained focused on Eddie as the other man held your bicep and reared back delivering you one final slap on your behind.

“Good. Good girl. What color are we at, honey?”

“Green, Sir. Thank you.”, you murmured as you softly began to cry. “You’ve been so busy these past few weeks, Daddy. You leave me alone a lot and when you are here you’re on the phone. Sometimes, when I get sad, I watch interviews with Mr. Harrington like you do but that just make me sadder be-because I miss him to. I miss you both.”

Eddie’s entire demeanor softened as he listened to you speak before shifting into that dominate energy you recognized immediately and hadn’t seen in so long. 

“Baby…”, he cooed. “Come here.”

You didn’t even hesitate as you jumped into his arms and wrapped your limbs around him. Holding you tightly, he carried you to the couch and gently laid you on your back. 

“I’m so sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. You tried to get my attention and talk to me so many times but I just brushed you off. Can I make it up to you, princess? Can Daddy make you feel good?”

“Please, Daddy, I need you.”

Reaching between your bodies, Eddie unbuckled his belt and pushed down his pants enough to free his cock before gradually guiding it into your core. 

“Fuck me, baby girl. You really—fuck—liked being spanked, didn’t you?”

“Yes, Daddy.”

“So fucking wet…just making a mess all over Daddy. God, you feel so good.”

As he slowly thrust into you, Steve kneeled beside you both and tenderly pet your head. 

“I missed you to, Y/N. I think about you both all the time.”, he whispers as you open your eyes to meet his and Eddie does the same to glance down at his friend stroking his own cock. “You can always call me, honey. Whenever you want, day or night, I’ll answer.”

Taking a hold of his collar, you yanked his lips to yours causing him to smile into your kisses as your boyfriend pushed up onto his palms and rolled his hips roughly into you. 

“Can I—mmm—Can I see you kiss again?”, you whimpered as his grin grew. 

Eddie was so focused on your warm pussy squeezing him that he didn’t even turn his head when Steve ran his nose along his cheek forcing him to grab his jaw to bring his mouth to his. 

Their mouths casually opened as the businessman welcomed his friend’s tongue and Eddie couldn’t contain the groan that left as his whole body collapsed onto yours with his head falling beside yours. Your fingers threaded through his hair as you held him, listening to his repetitive grunts in your ear as his cock pounded into that sensitive spot inside you. 

“Just like that… Please, Daddy. I’m gonna cum. Cum with me, baby, please.”

Winking down at you, Steve sucked on his fingers and you watched with half-lidded eyes as he slid them between Eddie’s ass cheeks. 

“Jesus Christ!” When your boyfriend tried to lift his head, you held him to your neck as his pace quickened and he shuttered against you as you felt him paint your insides with his release. As your cunt continued to milk him, you trembled and moaned his name as you came with him.  

“God, you both are so fucking hot.”

Eddie tilted up, grazing the tip of his nose along yours while gently placing pecks on your lips. 

“Can I have him to, Daddy?”

“Of course, baby girl. If you think you can handle him right now.”, he answers in a gravelly, exhausted, pleasure filled tone that has you beaming.

“Honey, you should take a break.”

“I can handle it, Mr. Harrington. I swear. Please…”, you beg. “I missed the way you feel inside me.”

“Fuck me.”

Eddie chuckled at Steve’s earnestness as he backed out of the way so his friend could pull you to the floor and place you onto all fours in front of him. You whimpered as his soft lips kissed down your spine and he dragged the tip of his cock through your dripping folds. 

As he carefully began to press into your entrance, your upper half fell flat against the wood underneath you. 

“That’s it, pretty girl, you’re—fuuuuuuck—doing good. Just breathe.” Steve’s palms kneaded into the meat of your ass as he watched himself gradually disappearing inside of you. “God, I’ll never get over how tight t-this pussy is.”, he groaned before his hand came down to spank you making him laugh through his teeth. “You see, Ed, behind every innocent little girl is a freak who l-loves to be told to behave. Right, baby?”

“Oh, oh my… Yes, Sir.”

The businessman exhales heavily as he thrusts into you much easier than the last time. There was still that small bit of resistance as he stretched you open but your boyfriend helped open your pussy up for him and for that he was grateful. 

Gripping your hips, he adjusted you so he could push deeper inside, making you groan as he found a steady rhythm.

You vaguely heard it through your fog of pleasure, the sound of lips smacking. Craning your neck, you watched as Eddie passionately kissed his friend as his palm caressed his hairy chest up to the base of his neck. 

A low growl rumbled from him as Steve pressed his body flat against yours, rolling his waist as his breath warmed your ear. 

“This is what you wanted, isn’t it, little girl? When you called me an asshole.”

“I’m—mmm—I’m so sorry for…for being disrespectful, Sir.”

“This is your warning, Y/N. I’m not like your Daddy. If—mmph—if you ever behave like that again I’ll do more than just bring y-you home and spank you. Do you understand?” While he spoke, he had stopping moving eliciting a small whine from you as you tried to push back against him. Utilizing his knees, he pushed you down flat against the floor, pushing both your legs together and placing his hand roughly on the back of your neck. “I said, do you understand?”

In this new position, Steve’s cock somehow felt deeper inside of you as it pressed buttons you didn’t even know you had and your eyes rolled back. 

“Hey.”, Eddie barked sternly as your eyes met his from where he was still laying on the couch. “Answer Mr. Harrington’s question or else you won’t get to cum again.”

“N-No, Daddy. Please. Yes, I understand.”

Smirking, he gradually began to pump into you again with reckless abandon as you both whimpered at the feeling. Fulling encasing you in his embrace, Steve’s sweaty forehead landed on your shoulder as his palm appeared by your side near your cheek. 

Without even thinking about it, you intertwined your fingers with his and his glassy eyes opened to what you were doing. It had been so long since Steve had been in a committed relationship and partners were often coming and going from his place or hotel at will. 

A lot of the time, they submitted the way he liked and after the ecstasy filled evening ended they left him or he left them. People would be surprised how lonely he actually was and how much he occasionally craved comfortable intimacy. Someone to hold, take care of, or wake up to the next morning.

Eddie gave that to him when they were together and not just in a sexual manner. Steve felt like he could be himself with his friend, actually let go, and have some fun without fear that he was using him for his money or status. He would never admit it out loud but he constantly looked for him in other partners but had yet to find anyone… except you. 

No. He told himself long ago that he would never cross that romantic boundary for fear of losing the only true friend he had and now that you were in both their lives he didn’t want to lose you either. Steve would do anything he had to, to make sure he never went back to feeling like he did growing up with his father; worthless and empty. 

Without you two, he knew that would be the outcome. 

Your grip tightened around his hand and his eyes squeezed shut as your pussy quivered around him. As you came, his rhythm faltered as he roughly pounded his release into you. 

Steve panted as he carefully pulled out of you and sat up to lean his back against the couch. When you tried to curl your body around his, he pressed his palm against your chest to stop you making his heart break when your bottom lip started to quiver. 

“D-Did I…did I do something wrong, Sir?”

Eddie blinked as his protective mode promptly kicked in but as he began to lower himself down to the floor to defend you, your hand reached for Steve’s as you rose to your feet.

“Come on, baby. Daddy says aftercare is extremely important and we have a shower with a waterfall setting! It feels so good. Come on. Up, up.”, you reply in a playfully light tone as his amused eyes watch you before doing as you say. 

Your boyfriend slowly trailed behind keeping an eye on you while watching you work your magic. There had been times when he felt low or out of control and you took care of him till his smile returned. 

“Eddie? Everything alright?”, you coo as you place the bag you were holding down and climbed into his lap behind his desk. You knew he wasn’t working because even at home he would wear jeans or slacks to remain in that mindset. Right now, he was in his boxers and one of the comfy t-shirts you bought him with one of his favorite bands across the front. His intense eyes were focused on the computer screen in front of him where multiple pictures were spread out along the desktop. “Your mom was a gorgeous woman.”

Eddie sighs a shaky breath, taking the hand you had resting on his chest, and bringing it to his lips. 

“I like this photo here with you two laying in the grass outside. How old were you?”

“Um…4, I think.”

“Do you remember it?”

“I remember her laugh. The older you get the more memories fade but, for some reason, I’ve never forgotten her laugh.”

“I bet it was beautiful like yours.”

“Pfft.”, Eddie snorts. “My laugh is anything but.”

“Agree to disagree, baby. Then again, my laugh is perfect—”

“Oh, perfect, huh? Sweetheart, you give meaning to the term ‘guffaw’.” That big toothy grin you fell in love with spreads across his face as you prove his point by giggling loudly at his joke. “I love you, baby.”

“I love you to.”, you softly smile as he squeezes you against him. “I brought some burgers and beer. I was thinking we could watch a spooky movie or something.”

“Jesus, you’re perfect.”

“Feels good right?”, you beam up at Steve as he dips his head under the water and closes his eyes. Eddie steps in behind you and dutifully begins to clean you as you run your hands along his friend’s arms and down his chest before his eyes abruptly snap open at the sound of your hiss. “Ow, Daddy.”

“I know, princess. I know.”

Lightly grabbing your bicep, Steve turns you just enough to see Eddie trying to carefully clean between your legs but on his decent down your body grazed your sore, red behind. 

“If you have some aloe moisturizing lotion that will help the marks and, of course, and ice pack.”

“I don’t need ice. It was just the rough rag against my tender skin.” The businessman nods in understanding as his gaze starts to drift before your hands cup his cheeks forcing him to focus on you. “What’s running through your mind, Mr. Harrington? Is it me? Is it cause I called you an asshole?”

Steve smiles, showing you some of his teeth as he shakes his head. 

“I’m sorry I did that.”

As he leans forward, he gently kisses your forehead. 

“I forgive you.”

Once everyone is clean, you hand him your moisturizer and his grin grows as he rubs it along your ass. 

“Did you like it, the spanking? It wasn’t too hard or anything, right?”

“No, Sir, not too hard. I liked it a lot.”

“May I ask you something, honey?” He continues when you nod. “What made you try this with Eddie? Why didn’t you try the submissive thing with any of your other partners?

You can’t help but giggle when your boyfriend growls low in his throat at the mention of “other partners.”

“Honestly…I don’t know. I trust him and I feel safe with him. Eddie’s shown me so many amazing things and when he suggested this…I trusted him.” As you wrap your arms around him, he pulls your head tightly to his chest and kisses the top. “I trust you to, Steve. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

It takes him a couple of moments before he finally releases you so you three could climb into bed. While Steve fell asleep with your back to his chest, Eddie’s fingers gently caressed your face. 

“I really am sorry for neglecting you. I just got so caught up in this new band that I had tunnel vision.”, he whispered. 

“I know, baby. I forgive you. I’m sorry I didn’t voice my concerns like I should have. I swear I didn’t realize that guy had his hand on my knee. I was lost in thought thinking about you.” You see him nod in the darkness and you capture his hand to hold it in yours. “He likes us, Eddie…Steve. He likes us a lot but is holding back.”

The man in front of you sighs as he scoots his body a bit closer to yours. 

“Yeah, I know.”

“Do you like him?”

“I love him and I love you but it’s a bit more complicated than that, sweetheart.”

“How so?”

“Steve’s been hurt a lot. Not just by relationships but friends and family as well. He was my best friend first before we shifted into the sexual realm. If he loses me and now you…he feels like he’ll have no one.”

“But we would never hurt him like that.”

“I know. Trust me, I know but this is the way he wants it so I respect that. You know I’m usually straight forward with my feelings? Yeah he may come of that way and plays the role well but truthfully he hides them under the sarcasm and cocky attitude.” After rolling onto his back, he slides closer to you so you can rest your head on his chest. “How do you feel about that? You, me, and Steve being in a relationship.”

“I kind of feel like we already are but then I feel him pull back…”

“Yeah…Maybe when he wakes up we can all talk about it… Get everything out on the table.”

“What if he pushes us away?”

“I’m kinda used to that by now when it comes to him but I don’t want it to hurt you, baby girl. Do you think you could still do our dynamic here with both of us if he didn’t want anything romantic?”

You nodded without any hesitation. 

“Metal.” Eddie smiles when you giggle and tilts your head to kiss your lips. “Get some sleep, baby. I love you.”

“I love you to, Eddie.” Intertwining Steve’s fingers with yours, you bring the back of his hand to your mouth for a soft kiss. “I love you to, Steve.”, you whisper even though you knew he was sleeping. 

You both didn’t see but the businessman’s eyes flutter open.

He didn’t sleep a wink as his mind raced over his insecurities and fears. Occasionally, his thoughts would get lost as he watched Eddie’s chest rise and fall as he breathed. Pressing his nose into your hair, he would inhale your smell and absorb the warmth that was you as he imagined what a relationship with you both would be like. 

Steve saw himself genuinely happy for the first time in a long time and that scared him. 

That morning when you woke up, you rolled over to snuggle your face in his chest only to be met with a pillow and an empty bed where the man had been laying. 

################

@aol19 @livsters @dashingdeb16 @too-efn-old-to-be-here

@yesimabratandwhataboutot @eddiesguitarskills

@scarlet-witch23 @soph342 @micheledawn1975 @thatgurljen @fluffansmut

@chelebelletx @peaches-roses-sins @areiofhope @hugdealer @nerdygamingartist

@bootywizzard @bexreadstoomuch @calumfmu @nailbatanddungeon  @thatgurljen @chelebelletx

[luna-rainbow]

hi! this may be a pretty long ask so I'm sorry in advance and pls ignore me if you want lol, but I saw your recent bucky posts and I just agree so much with what you said, and this "the way bucky's story was mistreated is emotionally draining" i feel that on a spiritual level 😓 I've been trying to talk about bucky's story in tfatws with a friend and she has had to stop me in the middle of ranting to ask if I was ok/suggest we change the subject for a bit because it gets me so upset sometimes and i just feel wrung out trying to make sense of it. when I first watched the show, after it ended i felt so so sad and i didn't understand why. i was sitting there like, it's a happy ending mostly, bucky and sam look happy, so why do i feel heartbroken?? and i really think it's bucky's entire story, and the big gaping hole that is steve and how they try to handle that by not handling it at all and just having people tell bucky to move on or that steve doesn't matter, when it doesn't make sense. even if you only see friendship between them, they were the most important people in each other's lives and steve's part in bucky's life informed who bucky is as a character, as a person. having them just try to basically sweep that under a rug and tell bucky to just move on feels so wrong to me. also, I kind of feel like it's almost framed as a breakup? which is funny bc marvel was so desperate to downplay stucky lol. idk. sorry that's off topic with your posts and I'm just ranting in your ask box now ugh. i just hadn't really seen anyone else on tumblr talking about the problems with bucky's story until i followed you so it's really nice to see other people have some of the same thought processes/feelings about it. so i just wanted to say that I love seeing your perspective, and your metas are amazing and so interesting, I spent all day thinking about the (bio)mechanics of bucky's arm after your arm meta! anyways, I hope you have a good day/night and I'm sorry for the rambling, like I said feel free to ignore this or only respond to the parts you want lol I understand not wanting to go to deep into tfatws stuff and drain yourself 💞

Thanks lovely for the ask. This turned out to be a long answer so I'll also apologise in advance LOL

I have many things I’m unhappy about with Bucky’s depiction in TFATWS, but you’re absolutely right that one of the major gaping holes is the avoidance of mentioning Steve. The series and the MCU is afraid to talk about the particulars of Steve’s absence, because:

a) they will have to acknowledge that what EG!Steve did was actually really shitty because not only did he leave Bucky completely stranded out of time (when he himself spent like 4 movies bemoaning this very sense of alienation), he dumped his burden on Sam without discussing with him, and he also left the Avengers completely leaderless. He is the only unifying force left in the Avengers, yet he just high key bails on all his friends to dance with a girl who he knew would have moved on.

b) they will also have to acknowledge that Bucky and Sam are entitled to feel upset and maybe even annoyed at his decision. I know we get told that Steve and Bucky “already had that talk off screen” but just because Bucky didn’t blast Steve on screen doesn’t mean he’s happy with Steve’s decision. We also never see Sam deal with the aftermath of what Steve chose to do. Sure, the story covers his hesitancy about being "Captain America", but it avoids addressing how Steve's selfish decision, which had massive personal ramifications for Sam, affected what Sam feels about Steve.

c) they will also have to address how his decision was completely OOC, because even if you take Bucky out of the equation, Steve has moved on. He’s had time to move on, he has a found family now, and he has a mission and Steve never walks away from a mission. Other people have written amazing metas on why EG!Steve is not Steve, so I won't rehash it here.

I’m not surprised that MCU put its head between its legs and refused to even touch on that subject because to actually lay it out in the open will not only ruin the image of their golden boy for non-Steve fans (most Steve fans already hate EG!Steve), but it will also have to address the hot pile of crap that EG created.

In a way, because of the way they’ve bungled EG!Steve, I’m actually kind of vindictively glad that Sam told Bucky to stop letting Steve dictate what he believes in. EG!Steve is not worth Bucky’s (or Sam’s) grief or respect. EG!Steve is certainly not the same Steve who broke through 70 years of mental conditioning on 3 separate occasions (okay fine the 3rd time was the helicopter breaking Bucky out but the biceps flex definitely helped).

But had Steve disappeared from their lives in any other manner, both Sam and Bucky deserved to have screen time dedicated to their grief, and not just them trying to manage the traumas of side characters. Steve was everything Bucky had to anchor him to the identity that isn’t the Winter Soldier. Sam gave up everything, including his livelihood and home and family, to support Steve. Legit I’m more upset about how Sam has been left out of this emotional journey than Bucky but I digress.

So yeah, I think my beef(s) with the series isn't that it didn't address the grief, because I think if I had to watch Bucky (or Sam) really mourn Steve's loss I would have HATED EG!Steve just that much more; but the way they've simplified both Bucky's and Sam's complex past experiences into something so...conveniently fixable.

[astudyinimagination]

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier and treating people as things

All right, I posted a link to my Wordpress earlier but after further consideration I’m just gonna throw the whole text here on Tumblr.

I just want to start this out by saying that I still haven’t read Discworld, although I really need to get on that because then my best friend and I can have even more to talk about, lol. But I do know a few things about Discworld, not because of my bestie, but because of @fialleril.

What does all this have to do with The Falcon and the Winter Soldier? (Warning: here be spoilers up through the end of episode 4.)

Well, I’m up to speed now on TFATWS. And it’s good. Really good. And a big part of that is what the story is doing in regards to morality.

It doesn’t feel like a black-and-white sort of morality. That type is being questioned, I think, pretty closely. Morality is tied up in TFATWS with the value of human life.

How much is human life worth?

So here’s the connection to Discworld. One of the characters, Granny Weatherwax, is talking with another character, Mightily Oats (not making this up), about the nature of sin:

Granny Weatherwax: “There’s no grays, only white that’s got grubby. I’m surprised you don’t know that. And sin, young man, is when you treat people as things. Including yourself. That’s what sin is.

Mightily Oats: “It’s a lot more complicated than that...”

Granny Weatherwax: “No. It ain’t. When people say things are a lot more complicated than that, they means they’re getting worried that they won’t like the truth. People as things, that’s where it starts.”

Mightily Oats: “Oh, I’m sure there are worse crimes...”

Granny Weatherwax: “But they starts with thinking about people as things...”

Treating people as things.

On one end of this scale, you have Sam Wilson. An acceptable target is a clearly delineated one, like the terrorist group in the opening of the show, or the people shooting at you in a firefight. Sam hasn’t yet gotten his hands dirty. He is just trying to make the world a better, safer place, and life has inherent worth. Even, grudgingly, Bucky’s.

On the other end of this scale, you have Baron Zemo. An acceptable target is anyone standing in his way. An acceptable target is a super soldier, regardless of anything they might believe. He is trying to rid the world of super soldiers, whom he believes are inherently dangerous. His motivations are understandable, but he clearly has zero respect for the value of human life. Everyone around him is a means to an end. In other words, a thing.

And jumping off the deep end to meet Zemo is John Walker. An acceptable target is also anyone standing in his way. An acceptable target is someone to take his grief and rage out on (in a horrifically brutal way). Even before that, he called Bucky a valuable asset. A thing. Perhaps we should rate Walker at a lower point than Zemo, actually. Walker has been trying to be the perfect soldier, and he was cracking under the strain before Lemar’s death (I understood what the writers were doing, but that was still Not Great, but that’s also a conversation for another time). In following Steve’s career, Walker entirely missed the point that Captain America was never supposed to be the perfect soldier, but a good man. I am going to go out on a limb and say that I don’t think there’s any coming back from this, not unless he goes out Darth Vader-style, and there’s someone I’m more worried about who could also pull that stunt.

Karli Morgenthau is cruising towards the Zemo/Walker end of the scale, but despite having deliberately caused fatal and nonfatal casualties already, I don’t think she’s quite there yet. You could see it in her first talk with Sam, especially when she did talk about people as things and then caught herself because she truly doesn’t want to think like that. You could see it in her interactions with her group. What separates Karli, at this point in time, from Zemo and Walker is that her sense of morality is grounded in helping people. There are no cold philosophies like Zemo’s, and no crushing weight like Walker’s. Karli is seeking to help people in need, and she is lifted up by them at the same time. It does not excuse the murder, or the threat made to an innocent mom and her children. But I think it means that she could still come back from this. And what I’m very afraid of is that she’s going to either go entirely off the deep end as well, or she’s going to redeem herself Darth Vader-style. The writers have gone this far in presenting a sympathetic extremist. I’d really like them to not chicken out and go a cheap route with a female antagonist.

Poor Sharon. I’m not sure how to place her on this scale, but it’s not good. It’s not good, and it’s so sad.

Last but definitely not least, we’ve got Bucky Barnes. And Bucky wishes his hands were as clean as Sam’s. For a long time, he was robbed of his personhood, and reduced to being a thing, and he is still struggling with the trauma of that. Bucky has so far been employing an “ends justify the means” mentality, but I don’t think he wants to. Stuff has to be done, and sometimes it’s not good, and he knows it’s not good. He doesn’t want to treat people as things, but he feels he has to, and Zemo might not control him any longer but he’s not helping. And perhaps worse still, Bucky is treating himself as a thing. He’s clearly regarding himself as a weapon that can be used against their problems. He’s got a long way to go yet to regain his personhood.

What happens now depends on how each character treats the other people in this sordid little drama — as people, or as things? I await the last two episodes with much anxiety. (Mostly because, I’m not gonna lie, I want Karli to be okay. I just want her to be okay, guys.)

[dreadnought-dear-captain]

You Asked, I Told (Part 2 of 2)

Spoilers ahoy! See Part One for more, plus an update. 

I imagine Steve staying in Winnie’s orbit for a little while before drawing away. The guilt would have been immense, even if she still accepted him as a surrogate son after the breakup. Also, Steve’s move into the military was a kind of amputation of his old life, including Winnie. Winnie was undoubtedly hurt by his distance. But for all of her flaws, also has a strong forgiveness reflex, as we can see with her relationship with Bucky. I think Steve’s own unresolved mother issues also complicated his relationship with her. With Sarah dead and his grief unprocessed, he probably figured it was easier to leave them both behind in the city and try to move forward.

Gah, I’m so sorry I didn’t include that. I put it in shortly after I received this message but forgot to answer the Ask also. MST stands for Military Sexual Trauma. It’s something that the VA regularly screens for and provides special services for. As people have probably heard, it’s a very common occurrence, affecting more women than men per capita but actually happening to more men by sheer volume. So, in other words, the percentages of MST in female service members is significantly higher than in men, but because there are fewer women relative to men in the military, the men’s smaller (and very, very likely under-reported) percentage ends up equaling more men who’ve experienced MST than women. It includes rape, sexual assault, as well as sexual harassment and coercion.

I’m an ass and didn’t track what chapter this was after (as well as being bad at answering Asks in a timely manner), so I cannot respond as specifically as I would like. But they really are making some significant progress. Even when shitty things are happening, you’ll probably notice that they are talking a lot more, sharing a lot more, coming back together after their rows more quickly. I’m very proud of them on a regular basis!

I think Tony is an extremely difficult character to write, you’re so correct. Alas, he’s only alluded to in BW. But I am going to attempt to write him in my next fic. It’s a daunting task, indeed, and definitely not a reflection of whether I like him or not. I think Tony is just fine. It’s just very hard not to write him as a one-dimensional quip machine.

Haha, what? Fic reading during Zoom meetings?? Never heard of her. 

This is an interesting question and a good observation. I think it’s a little of column A and a little of column B. I do like playing with identity, how we are different things to different people. Growing up, Bucky was James to George and Jamie to his other family and Bucky to his high school friends and Steve. I think Bucky is an aspirational name for him, in a way. This Bucky character he created in high school was his best version of himself, as far as he’s concerned. 

And importantly, as you mentioned, it’s what Steve learned to call him, and Steve is also an aspirational object for Bucky. Jamie is pretty loaded, Jamie the soft boy, Jamie who gets hurt, etc. I imagine as he got older, part of him recognized that this isn’t Bucky thing is kind of a farce and probably started referring to himself publicly as Jamie eventually. Thus, it’s also become a very intimate name, because only Steve thinks of him that way, and perhaps he wants to be that person Steve imagines he is. Hence the self-reference. It’s not the tightest argument. I honestly initially started with a name more familiar to readers, and it just stuck.

OMG FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES. Okay. Okay. For those not familiar with the Five Love Languages, here’s a summary of them.  (And you can even take a quiz for yourself here!) I’ve put some thought into this, and so has my beta, and our first response was that they may both be touch. This could be plausible, and it only doesn’t work so well sometimes because of the additional trauma- and defense-informed barriers that Bucky has. Bucky also has lots of ideas about gay love and affection that aren’t very compatible with this, either. 

So that kind of makes me wonder if he wants touch so badly because he doesn’t allow it for himself and he’s just a human with basic human touch needs. I also think Bucky appreciates quality time as well, though he’s not great at asking for it. I think the touch thing works for Steve because even if he was in another relationship with someone else, he’d still crave touch a lot. This is a harder exercise when dealing with such massive amounts of trauma, to be sure.

Does anyone else have thoughts? I’m not married to this at all. I think a number of different arguments could be made.

I’m hanging in there! I just recently moved from one state that was terrible about COVID-19 public health stuff to another state that’s hardcore about it, so that’s been a change. Moving is rough, and I moved alone with not really anyone I know super well in the area. How do meet new ppl now?? But it’s a very good thing, and I’m excited for the time when I can make some new friends in 3D, lol. Thank you for asking!

(Me and my friends now)

I don’t think you’re missing a whole lot, honestly. I think part of it is that up until very recently, Steve couldn’t even begin to comprehend the trauma Bucky has experienced. Like obviously he knew something was there, but the nature of it was still a mystery to him. I think it’s hard to remember sometimes that we know a lot more about Bucky in any given moment than Steve does. So we see all this stuff piled up and are like STEVE WHAT THE FUCK. But Steve doesn’t know all that and has been learning in these really brutal and incomplete chunks. 

And even when Steve first found out about the sexual abuse, the implications have been slow to settle on him. I’ve been trying to write this Steve as a realistic person who can both understand things but also is trying to get his own needs met when he’s vulnerable. He also suspects it’s really bad and doesn’t want it to be, feeding a little of his own denial and defenses. For as complicated as Bucky obviously is, I think Steve is pretty complicated, too. He doesn’t think of himself this way, however, to some detriment. He wants to understand Bucky and he doesn’t want to know, because the truth is horrifying to him. I think these things compete in him and don’t always lead him to have the best behavior.

AND FINALLY - 

Oh, I’ve missed all of you too! These Asks are such a joy to get, even though I suck at answering them in any reasonable amount of time. Thank you for all of your consideration :)

-----

Thank you so much for the wonderful Asks and for the words of kindness and support! I look forward to sharing the rest of this story with you soon.

[youngbugandtonystank]

Hi! Could you please make an analysis of Homecoming, IW, Endgame and possibly FFH (since Happy mentions her in that film), from Pepper's POV? I've always thought her witnessing of Tony's feelings about Peter, as well as her own feelings about him, have been so interesting yet so subtle. I love your idea of making an analysis from her POV! Please do that, thanks so much! (Love your work BTW)

Hi! Thank you so much for all the support! I feel flattered, thank you.

Let’s start by reminding ourselves that Pepper is the one person who has been trying for YEARS to make Tony give up the suits. She’s the one that usually is against putting people in danger and the dangerous life in general. So when the first thing she asked in Homecoming was ‘Where’s the kid?’ you know something is up. People usually love to make Tony the villain in this situation, saying he was about to ‘kidnap’ Peter and expose him to more danger when the one that organized the meeting was Pepper. And Pepper would never put a kid’s life in danger. And let’s remember Tony clearly said: ‘When you’re ready... Why don’t you try that on?’ referring to the IronSpider, he was going to let Peter into that room ONLY if he put on the suit, covering his identity. Not exposing it.

So why is she so calm about this? 

She trusts Tony. She trusts his judgment. She knows this kid is important to Tony and that he sees potential in him. See, this is probably the third time in this movie where they let us know that Tony has been talking nonstop about Peter. 

Tony even tells her this: ’You know what? He actually made a really mature choice. It just surprised the heck out of us.’ like this is a random topic they speak about every other day. 

She casually asks where he is, and then gets exasperated because she has a room full of people waiting for Peter. Tony made Pepper organize a room with fifty reporters to introduce Spider-man as the newest member of the avengers and she agreed with it. She knows the kid is special. She knows the kid can do it. Why? Because Tony told her. Because Tony constantly talked about the kid. 

They were taking a break exactly because of his obsession with the superhero world. His obsession with putting a suit around the world. So why would she agree with Tony’s decision about Peter? She can see the kid is good for Tony.

In that exact same scene, he told Happy: ‘How about a loose follow? All right? Boundaries are good.’

One of the greatest things about Tony and Peter’s relationship is how they both help each other grow. And this is what Pepper saw. She saw this kid helping Tony recover from many of his deepest traumas and toughest scars. 

Then two years of her witnessing their relationship we get this: 

Tony tells Pepper he had a dream about them having a kid. And instead of being surprised (given that Tony has never before expressed a desire to have kids) like you would expect her to be; surprised or confused, this is her reaction.

She knows what this is about. 

Notice how Tony doesn’t say we named her or we named the kid, he said: ‘We named him after your eccentric uncle.’ He was thinking about a boy. And how much of a coincidence is that he’s been a father figure to Peter in those two years and suddenly he’s like: ‘Are we expecting?’ lmao 

She’s like: Riiiight. lol

She even points out they don't have a wedding date yet and the man is already thinking about kids.

The next discussion plays a big role in Tony’s denial in Endgame. She tells him that if he really wanted to have a kid, he wouldn't have the housing unit on his chest. And Tony insists that it's nothing. It's just a housing unit for nanoparticles. lmao

He again insists he’s just trying to protect them (Pepper, Rhodey, Happy, etc) and the future (Peter). And tells her that it’s only in case there's a monster in the closet. There’s a monster and Tony’s been afraid of this monster for six years and we all know it. He’s scared. 

She can see how Happy he is. How excited he is to finally settle down. He’s really thinking about doing it. 

She knows this is not only hers but Peter’s influence. 

Then life is so tragic for Tony that in that exact moment Strange comes and tells him everyone is in danger and they need him. So he does what he always does. He helps, he puts the universe first. 

And then the bad thing happens.

Bear in mind that Pepper is probably the one that saw Tony break down a thousand times over the course of those 5 years. She saw him mourn Peter. She saw him cry for Peter. Even with a kid, wife and a life without the superhero pressure, he’s not happy and you can see it. Throughout all of Endgame, he wears the worn-out expression all the time. Like he’s exhausted and tired. Emotionally drained. Now, by saying this I’m not implying he doesn’t love Pepper or Morgan, it’s just that someone who has lived through so much like Tony doesn’t really recover with only a few years.

And you know what’s worst? Pepper saw him put that picture of him and Peter on the kitchen, where everyone could see them. Where Tony could remind himself every day of his failure. He probably designed the house and she saw him put the picture where she knew he would see it every day. In a house full of happy memories and family photos. She knows Peter is family and that he lost a child. 

I’ve known so many people who have lost their kids and one of the things they usually do before, through, after grief? They want the world to remember their child. Some of them keep their rooms intact, not touching anything or moving anything, some frame their biggest accomplishments on their walls and some keep their pictures close by. This is what Tony did. 

People who have lost kids can learn to pick up the pieces and move forward, but their lives will never be the same. And this is one of the things you can see in Tony. He’s not the same. He can move forward but the person he was before Titan? He can’t get him back.  

He struggled every day with happiness, having everything and nothing at the same time. Imagine him holding grief in one hand and his happy ending in the other. Everyday. Pepper saw all of that. 

Think about it, he didn’t have anyone else to share his grief. Ned and May were dusted. He was alone with his grief. Pepper could only support him with some things, she must’ve felt impotent. And this is important later in the movie. 

Then Cap and co come to his home and ask him for help. Scott tries to convince him by telling him that they have a chance now and asks him if he is really not going to even try and Tony right out says: ‘That's right, Scott, I won't even. I got a kid.’

‘I lost the kid’ / ‘I got a kid.’

Then, Pepper sends Morgan to ‘save’ Tony from the conversation. She knows this is painful for him. She knows what this means to him. She must be tired of seeing him suffer for this. 

Cap argues that this is a second chance and Tony tells him that Morgan is his second chance.

Tony tells him that he ‘can't roll the dice again.’  It’s too painful for him. He feels like he already made that mistake once and it’s not willing to go through that pain again. And Natasha clearly tells this to Steve: ‘He’s scared.’

When he cracks time travel, he tells Pepper that he did it. And notice how she puts her hand on his while she tells him they were really lucky but that many people weren’t. She entering a dangerous topic for him and she knows it. 

He immediately avoids her eyes and tells her he can’t help everyone. And she assures him that NOW he is capable of doing it. 

He’s still scared and she can see it. That’s why when he tells her that he can stop at that moment, something he didn’t in the past and he believes is part of the reason Peter died. He says he can put a pin in it and go to bed. But she doesn’t let him and asks him if he is going to be able to rest. She knows he won’t. Because in those 5 years he hasn’t exactly been resting. 

Remember when I said Pepper must’ve felt impotent? This is where this part comes to play. She’s tired of seeing him suffer and she knows how important Peter is.

So she proceeds to spend the majority of the battle protecting Peter. 

‘Hang on. I got you, kid.’

Protects him and stands in front of him almost the entire battle.

This kid is important and essential in Tony’s journey, happiness and life and she is determined to not let him get away again. 

And the worst happens.

True. Peter is suffering here. He’s in deep pain. But doing this might be just as painful for her.

She now has to watch Peter break himself just like Tony did in those 5 years.

And you know she’s going to keep an eye on him. Will help him with anything he needs.

She knows this is what Tony wanted. For Peter to keep going, to keep his legacy alive. And she’s going to support Peter in the process. 

I’ll be doing the Civil War and FFH later if you guys are interested.

[sojourner-between-worlds]

Burn the Ships, Chapter Four

A/N: Oh, look at that angst go... 

I threw a random Hawaiian word in this chapter, but let’s be honest: if you’ve watched Five-0 for any amount of time, you know that mahalo is ‘thank you’ and that Steve uses the Hawaiian in equal amounts as the English so it just felt weird to not use it with him, tbh. (And if you didn’t know that, well, I just told you, lol)

Content warning: I never intended to write anything super dark or anything for this story, and this chapter isn’t really? but due to the nature of it, I thought I should warn ya’ll anyway because Alex’s trauma is pretty evident all the way through, and some heavier topics are discussed/mentioned including talk of death (not suicide-related), self-depreciation, abuse, and mentions of panic attacks.

. . . . .

Chapter Four

Steve didn’t pause outside this time; he pushed open the door, immediately catching the attention of both Chin and Alex. He schooled his face to not give anything away, and spoke gently. “Hey. Chin, thank you for getting him lunch and bringing him back here. Alex, we need to talk, okay?”

Alex looked back down at the floor. “I’m sorry. I should have stayed in the truck.”

“No, that’s - uh - that’s partly on me. I shouldn’t have brought you along in the first place, but what’s done is done. I’m sorry for putting you in that position in the first place, and I apologize for yelling earlier. Regardless of how I felt, it was wrong of me to lose my temper.”

“You had more right to be angry than I had to break my promise.”

Steve sighed. Alex was determined to justify Steve’s actions while condemning his own, wasn’t he? “Well, let’s just call it even and move on, shall we?”

“Sure.”

“Okay. Great.” He paused; Alex was still avoiding looking at him while he’d been fine with just Chin moments before. He had definitely messed up, but there was nothing to be done now except move forward. “But we do still need to talk -- not about what happened, but there are some other things. So, let’s go back to my office.”

Chin stood up, Alex following suit. “I’ll see if I can catch up with Kono, unless you need me for something?”

“No, go ahead. Last I knew she was headed for the crime lab, so she might still be there. Mahalo, brother.”

“Any time. See you later, Alex.” Chin stepped around where Steve was still standing in the doorway and headed out.

Alex followed after him but turned the opposite direction -- still avoiding looking anywhere but the floor, Steve noticed.

As they passed through the main area, Steve noticed Jerry had already left, everything wiped from the screens, and he made a mental note to text the man later to thank him for all his hard work.

They stepped into his office, and Alex sat down in one of the chairs in front of his desk. Steve sat next to him rather than behind it; if everything Jerry had said was true, he didn’t want this conversation to feel like an interrogation. He wasn’t looking forward to dredging up this kid’s potentially traumatic past, but asking him directly was the only way to really get a solid answer.

Steve took a deep breath and started softly, “I - uh, I took the liberty of having Jerry look into you a little bit more. You weren’t exactly very chatty this morning, and I wanted to find out if there was someone we could contact for you. We found someone, obviously, but… we found a lot more than just that.” Steve paused, trying to gauge his reaction, but there wasn’t one. Alex kept his gaze locked on the floorboards, expression passive. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, trying in vain to catch Alex’s gaze. “What I’m trying to say, Alex, is that I know everything, okay? I know you worked for MI6 after your uncle died, and I know you’re here in Hawaii on a job for the CIA.”

“You don’t know anything.”

“Am I wrong then?”

Silence, then a whispered “no.”

Steve felt like the rug had been pulled from under his feet at the confession. Part of him had been hoping Alex would deny the whole thing, call it crazy, and they could laugh and move on. But another part had known that hope had been a pipedream.

Alex opened his mouth as if to say more but closed it again, swallowed visibly, and kept silent instead.

“Look, you don’t have to talk about it, okay? I’m not asking so I can pry or bring up painful memories. I’m just trying to understand.” He paused. “Just tell me one thing: when they came to you this time, why didn’t you say no?”

Alex shrugged. “Didn’t really give me a choice. I didn’t know Branning was CIA until we got to DC. Took me from the airport straight to his boss.” He swallowed visibly again. “If I’d said no --” a pained smile turned the corners of his mouth -- “I’d have been sent straight back to some group home where no one actually cares. Too messed up for anywhere else.”

Steve was speechless. What had this kid been through in the last few months to feel that way?

Alex continued on, voice less steady than if had been. “A lot of people are dead because of me, you know. Mostly ‘bad guys,’ yeah, but that doesn’t change anything. That’s still on me. Those two this morning -- they weren’t supposed to die. I just wanted to sink the boat. I knew they’d get away with some of it, but I thought if I could catch up to them on land, I could still stop it. Guess I really messed that up didn’t I? And those deaths -- all of them just keep adding up to equal nightmares and panic attacks, and it’s no wonder no one wants to deal with me when I don’t want to deal with me, either.

“So when Branning showed up, I didn’t ask questions; I just hoped it would last longer than the others. When I found out why he wanted me -- well, it just made sense.”

Steve could feel his heart cracking already, but he pressed on anyway, keeping his voice low and gentle. “Can I ask why the others didn’t work out?” And why you felt like you had no choice because of that?

Alex turned his head towards the window, and Steve didn’t miss that his eyes were misty. “Most of them were fine -- better than fine, even. But, like I said, none of them wanted to deal with me.”

“With panic attacks and nightmares you mean? Couldn’t have been that great then, if you ask me.”

Alex snorted. “Maybe. But they were nice enough, at least.”

Steve thought for a moment. “You said that most of them were good. Were there ones that weren’t?” This kid had already been through enough; please don’t tell me adults meant to help him made it worse.

Alex shrugged. “There was one...he was a cop. No one would listen to me, so I ran. Not much else to say.”

Steve swallowed harshly, trying not to let worst-case scenarios take over his thinking. “Alex. What did he do to you?”

He was quiet for a moment before he said, “He was abusive. I tried to report it at school, but…’troubled kid in the system’ and all that, so they just brushed it off as attention-seeking.”

“I see. Is that the real reason why you wouldn’t talk to anyone at HPD?”

“Part of it, yeah. I’ve never really had a good experience where cops are involved.”

“Why did you decide to talk to me?”

A strained smile pulled at his lips. “Because people in the military are the only ones who have never let me down.”

How many people have let you down, Alex? How many people who were meant to protect you have failed? “Just one more question: do you actually want to keep doing this? Do you want to keep working for the CIA?”

Alex turned from the window but only to stare back down at where his hands rested in fists against his knees. “I never wanted this but -- Commander, do you believe in fate? Because this is mine. Every road leads back to this. I don’t have a choice.”

“You always have a choice, Alex.”

“Yeah,” he scoffed. “I used to think that, too. Time has proven otherwise.”

“If you don’t want to keep doing this, then let me help you. I know people. We can get you out --.”

“So I can go back to a group home? No, thanks.”

“Alex --.”

“I said no. So drop it,” he spat.

Steve was taken aback by the sudden change in his tone. “Why not? Why don’t you want me to help you?”

“I told you. It’s no use. Every time I think I’m out, I get sucked back in. There is no getting out. No matter what you do, I’ll end up back here all the same. I’ve had several chances, but I can’t!” His voice had slowly gotten louder, shakier, and more desperate until the final word when his jaw had snapped shut with an almost audible clack.

Steve didn’t miss the slight tremble of his tightly pursed lips or the fine tremors in his white-knuckled fists, and suddenly he knew. Jack Starbright had surely fought for him the whole time -- had maybe been trying to help him in Cairo -- and had met with death as a result. The Pleasures, too. They’d offered him a fresh start, but here he was again anyway.

And he blames himself for everything.

The realization stung, his heart crumbling for this child who had seen and done too much and had only received hurt in return. 

“That doesn’t mean you should stop trying,” he pushed out around the lump in his throat. “You deserve to be happy.”

Alex laughed once, short. “No, I don’t. Not after --.”

He had cut himself off, but Steve thought he knew how it was supposed to end. “‘Not after Cairo’?” he spoke barely above a whisper.

“You don’t understand,” he bit out, his voice thick with emotion. “I watched her die. They made me watch, and there was nothing I could do to stop it, and you will never understand that.”

Steve could only watch as Alex lost the fight against his grief, bowing his head as the first tear slipped away. Truth be told, Steve did understand -- a memory of North Korea and Wo Fat and Shelburn at the forefront of his mind -- but he’d had time and support to get through it. Alex had experienced one death after another; he hadn’t been given time to settle before being shuttled off elsewhere; he’d had no time to process and heal.

Before Steve could decide if he should hug this teenager he barely knew or if that would not be appreciated, Alex’s shoulders stopped shaking and he straightened his back, wiping away the last traces of the few tears he had shed.

“I’m sorry,” Alex muttered, “but please just leave it alone. I’m not worth it.”

Steve felt like someone had ripped what was left of his heart out of his chest and had run it through a flour sieve just to make sure there was absolutely nothing left of it. When he spoke, his words were barely audible. “I disagree. I think they would have, too.”

Alex’s breathing hitched again as his head fell forward and he ran a shaking hand through his hair. “Can you leave me alone for a while, please? I won’t leave; I promise. I just -- I’m tired.”

Steve was hesitant to agree. Not because Alex had broken his promise once already, but because he wondered if Alex should really be left alone in this state. He sighed. “Okay. It’s been a long day, and it’s not even over yet. But we aren’t done talking about this, alright? I’ll check in with my team and come back later.”

Alex nodded, so he stood up and, with one last glance back through the door, left the office.

There has to be something more I can do. There has to be. . . .

Alex was exhausted. He slowly uncurled himself from his hunched position in the chair, his breathing still stuttering but better than even a minute ago. As soon as Commander McGarrett had left, he’d lapsed into a panic attack -- hadn’t bothered trying to ground himself, had just let it happen -- and now he was paying the price. His lungs burned and he felt light-headed, but he forced himself up on shaking legs anyway so he could move the few steps over to the couch. He wanted nothing more than a nap now, but he also knew that wouldn’t be happening in such an unfamiliar place, so just lying down for a bit would have to suffice.

As he collapsed onto the cushions, he closed his eyes, digging the heels of his hands into his eye sockets for a moment. What was I thinking, telling him all of that?

Maybe he’ll run away, too. That would make this easier, anyway.

He wasn’t sure how long he lay staring blankly at the ceiling before he realized exactly what McGarrett had said right before he’d left: he was coming back, and they weren’t done talking. He was going to get himself involved, and he was going to get himself killed in the process. Alex couldn’t let that happen. He wouldn’t let that happen.

Pushing himself up slowly, he knew what he had to do. With a pang of guilt, he rifled through the drawers in the desk for a pen and paper. He had promised to stay put, but for the second time that day, he was going to break it. What did it really matter anyway? After today, he was never going to see Commander McGarrett or the Five-0 task force ever again. That thought filled him with an emotion he couldn’t quite place. Bitterness? Regret? He didn’t know, but then again, it didn’t really matter; it never did.

But, he figured, the least he could do was leave a note so they wouldn’t panic over him being missing again.

Thank you for everything, and I’m sorry.

Leaving the note on the desk, he turned and walked out of the office, down the hall, out of the elevator, and through the door into the warm Hawaiian sunshine.

. . . . .

Tag List: @diekatimitdemhutohnehut @ghostly-homo @grungeweasel @just-add-butter

(Let me know if you’d like added/removed!)

[wingshead]

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT MEME.

FULL NAME:  Steven Grant Rogers GENDER & SEXUALITY: male / bisexual ETHNICITY & SPECIES: Irish-American / Human BIRTHPLACE & BIRTHDATE: Upper East Side, NY / July 4th, 1920.

GUILTY PLEASURES: sweets (cupcakes, cakes, chocolate, ice-cream … it’s steve’s secret weakness bc he tries so hard to eat healthy, sweet babe), sleeping in, show boating (he’s such a fucking show off guys, it’s not even funny), acting Innocent and Unassuming to get out of trouble and frustrate people when he acts like he doesn’t know what they’re talking about lmao.

PHOBIAS: waking up to find himself in a different time era again, losing his loved ones in battle, being unable to help someone in need, becoming what he hates / adhering to modern a/immorality, failure

WHAT THEY WOULD BE INFAMOUS FOR: his Guilt Trips, accompanied by his Disapproving Frown. that, and his sometimes infuriating stubborn nature lol

WHAT HAVE THEY/WOULD THEY HAVE GOTTEN ARRESTED FOR: breaking the law & refusing to cooperate with or work for the government, ironically enough haha

CHARACTER YOU SHIP THEM WITH: steve/sharon (the otp), tony/steve ( the other otp ♡ ), steve/wanda ( !!!!!! ), thor/steve, steve/rachel, steve/sam, steve/rebecca (it was short lived but i loved them so so much)

CHARACTER MOST LIKELY TO MURDER THEM: red skull / baron zemo / zola / the baddie of the week. that and tony for steve being so frustratingly stubborn. also sharon. because she’s gotta deal with his bs on a daily basis lmao

FAVORITE BOOK GENRE: historical / philosophical / sci - fi

LEAST FAVORITE BOOK CLICHÉ: sensationalism / shock factors

TALENTS OR POWERS: peak human strength, agility, stamina and reflexes. eidetic memory. world leading strategist. olympic level athlete. master in dozens of fight styles in martial and mixed martial arts, accelerated healing factor, indomitable will, multilingual, doesn’t age.

WHY SOMEONE MIGHT LOVE THEM: he’s considerate. he’s kind. he’s empathetic, and understanding. despite his large and intimidating stature, and his ‘take no bullshit’ attitude, steve’s just a giant teddy bear, haha. he will do his utmost to make sure people are safe and comfortable, and will help those in need - whether they’re being attacked, or they’re in emotional pain. he’s just basically The Ultimate Mom Friend

WHY SOMEONE MIGHT HATE THEM: he’s stubborn. he refuses to compromise, and therefore refuses to go along or even listen to plans that compromise. so, steve sometimes doesn’t listen to people, even when their plan is better. because of steve’s iron will and steadfast ideals and morals, people see him as holier-than-thou. also, villains hate him ‘cause he kicks their asses, lmao.

HOW THEY CHANGE: he doesn’t. steve over the past 75 years has remained largely unchanged as a whole. he still follows the same set of ideals and morals that he did in the 1940s, and is still the same person. still thinks the same. HOWEVER, this does change from time to time when he’s been betrayed, or when his loved ones are threatened. steve gets really ugly then. he does not rule out doing some bad stuff. he has threatened to kill, has aimed to kill, has let people been tortured. he hates doing it but. he does it. shit’s bad ya’ll. apart from anything to do with his loved ones though, steve changes in his response to the world. he always aims to go bigger, to tackle the next issue. he, eventually, manages to accept guilt and blame when he’s guilty and to be blamed – like how he hasn’t helped the x-men enough.

WHY YOU LOVE THEM: okay … li s t en. i’m going to try not to get too into this and write like, a whole fucking novel on him ok. lmao. but … i’ve been a fan of steve rogers since i was a kid. my father introduced me to marvel comics. i loved him. fell out of comics for a bit in like 2009, picked them back up like two years ago after ca:tws came out. fell in love with steve rogers again and to a whole new level because i could actually understand better what he stood for. fell out of love with comics in 2016 because of the bullshit nick spencer pulled with h*dra cap. got back into it now that it’s been over for a while and the first issue of the waid/samnee run pulled at my heart strings. steve rogers is … he’s an ideal. a lot of people look up to him. i look up to him. he’s a pretty popular superhero, despite many people not seeing him as a superhero since he has no superpowers. he’s not an anti-hero, or a sometimes hero, or a hero on the weekends, he’s a hero. his ideals, his morals, his belief system, they are so simple but pointed true north. protect those who cannot protect themselves, fight for what’s right even if others push you down or refuse to listen, and help one another. steve rogers doesn’t fight for the government, or for the country. he fights for the people. first and foremost. and despite all the shit that the world has thrown at him, despite all of the loss and the death and the grief and the hits he’s taken, the insults, the betrayals, the shocks, the trauma — steve rogers has remained steve rogers this entire time. the world can fuck him up, it can beat him down, it can shove him into the dirt and spit on him, and steve doesn’t let it change who he is. steve doesn’t let corruption touch him, doesn’t let his ideals waver, doesn’t let it stop him from fighting for what’s good and what’s right and fighting for the people who need it. steve could have easily, so easily, been a completely different person. near any other man would have broken and shattered under the weight of everything he’s been through and all of the responsibility that he carries on his shoulders every single day of his life. he could have been the most bitter, jaded, despicable fuck you have ever seen in your entire life.

but he isn’t. he’s kind. he’s compassionate. he sees the flaws in society and the corruption in the government and isn’t afraid to call people out on it. he isn’t afraid to disagree or go against his government if they do something that he can’t morally stand by. steve has trained every single avenger in hand-to-hand combat himself. he considers them family. he gives them the support they need - emotional, physical, mental. a lot of avengers, new and old, are/were reformed criminals, because cap gave them a second chance and vouched for them. he believes people can change. he has a huge heart. that’s been there since before the super soldier serum. steve is just such a good man, who looks for nothing else than the chance to help people, and constantly puts them before himself. he has given up and sacrificed so much of his life and of his own personal dreams in order to keep being what the public and the world needs him to be. he helps people. first and foremost.

and he doesn’t ask for anything in return other than for others to do the same.

TAGGED BY:  no one !

TAGGING: @ukubi / @roikhoi / @armorforged / @decommed / @theimperiusrex / @bestdefender / @gamenu / & anyone who wants to do this!!