#like the second you were mean to me i'd say well sir i was gonna issue the refund right now but since you lack human empathy maybe i won't

[heavenknowsffs]

When a customer service person tells you "i'm sorry we can't do that" and provides like one feeble option... you do know we don't thrive on annoying you right? You do know the world doesn't revolve around you and not getting the answer you want does not make it that "you didn't help me". Also you do know that if we say we can't do something and you insist and then are rude about it??? DO YOU THINK I WANT TO STAY HERE AND LISTEN TO YOU? NO. I WOULD GIVE YOU THE FUCKING REFUND FUCK OFF GET OUT OF MY FACE IF I'M NOT DOING IT THEN IT'S BECAUSE I CAN'T YOU FUCKING MORON

[redbullgirly]

The Dancer [FA14 smau]

Fernando Alonoso x dancer!reader

Masterlist

Summary: Few months after, everybody laughs when they remember the rumors about Fernando Alonso and Taylor Swift dating. Would they laugh though if they new it maybe wasn't so far from truth as it may seem? Well, one thing's for sure - Y/N and Fernando will laugh very much while soft launching their relationship... and confusing everyone with swiftie content thanks to her job.

Warnings: Maybe wrong dates and timeline of The Eras Tour, but whatever XD.

messages between Y/N and Fernando

fernandoalo_oficial posted on instagram

liked by alex_albon, zhouguanyu24, pierregasly and 562,109 others

fernandoalo_oficial I was taken by the view like we were in Paris... romance is not dead.

view all 4001 comments

user1 i dont think my brain can comprehend so many things all at once😨

user2 right? I'M IN SHOCK

user3 fr fernando wants to give us a heart attack😭

lilymhe I see what you did here...

alex_albon I indeed see what he did here too...😏

user4 guys tell us what he did pls I'm begging youuuu

user5 Alonso soft launching was not on my 2024 bingo card

user6 him soft launching with TAYLOR SWIFT wasn't on MY bingo card 😭

user7 How he's suddenly so hot in the first pic? Like damn sir okay🫢

user8 girlfriend effect is real y'all

georgerussell63 Mate you can't do that to me, I just woke up 😧

user8 lmfao princess georgie is as confused as we are xd

fernandoalo_oficial sorry mate, don't get wrinkles🤞

gerogerussell63 What even is that choice of emoji?

fernandoalo_oficial well, someone is original with an emoji and someone is original with a pose... choice is yours 😃

georgerussell63 Stop it's been almost a year 😭

user9 not them bullying each other💀

user10 Yeah the duo we didn't know we needed

user11 I saw the first picture and almost spat out my drink in shock of such a hot photo of Nando. Then I swiped and literally choked on it because the last think I'd ever expect from his photo dump is a soft lunch of some baddie girl🫣

user12 I am delusional for thinking Taylonso could still have a chance, aren't I?

user13 well i mean you basically answered it yourself so... yeah XD

user14 OMG WHAAAAAAT😱

user15 oh no Fernando is not single anymore💔

user16 I think I accidentally teleported into some alternative universe... what is thiiiis?

user17 REAL

user18 fuck me this man seriously used lyrics from paris by ts💀

user19 Idk why but I kinda like this new side of Fernando😻

twitter

yourusername posted on instagram

liked by taylorswift, fernandoalo_oficial, carmenmmundt and 5,234 others

tagged: taylorswift and 9 others

yourusername crazy performance, even crazier night out and the most crazy training the day after... I call that the life of a dancer😻🎉 also my head and heart did go vroom vroom after the second pic

view all 218 comments

taylorswift I call that the eras tour life!💗

yourusername yes ma'am!

user1 damn she got our queen Taylor replying to her posts... how does it feel to live my dream?!😭

yourusername amazing! 🥰

user2 such a shame my mum didn't force me to try dancing when I was little... I could have been at podium next to Taylor Swift right now 😃

liked by the author

user3 You are such a good dancer, the shows wouldn't be the same without you Y/N!

yourusername omg thank u sm I really appreciate that!!🥹

user4 sooo... are we gonna just ignore Fernando in the likes or what???

user5 THAT'S WHAT I CAME HERE TO SAY

user6 fr I need some crazy detective from twitter to figure this out😫

carmenmmundt Hey, could you give me and lilymhe vip tickets...?

yourusername I mean... everything can be done 😏 I'll just need to ask mother Taylor bc I just used my plus one at the last concert🫡

lilymhe OH MY GOD WE LOVE YOU Y/N

yourusername I love you girls as well, we have to finally meet sometimes!!!

carmenmmundt Yeah, I think we'll have chance at the end of February at the latest😉

user7 WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE

user8 Omg are they hinting Y/N at the Bahrain GP?? F1 season starts at the end of February right?!

goergerussell63 Well hello there, nice to meet you Y/N... given the fact my dear girlfriend doesn't care about me, could you give me and alex_albon vip tickets as well?😊

alex_albon Yeah Y/N we are very big fans😊

yourusername everything for the guys that go vroom vroom🫡

alex_albon Like your heart

yourusername exactly!

user9 I AM FREAKING OUT

user9 MY BRAIN HURTS FROM HOW MUCH IS GOING ON

user9 WAIT FUCK I THINK I GOT IT

user9 AAAHHH I FEEL LIKE SHERLOCK MF HOLMES

twitter & messages between Y/N and Fernando

yourusername posted on instagram

liked by selenagomez, fernandoalo_oficial, francisca.cgomes, astonmartinf1 and 8,234 others

yourusername preparing for the next season🤞

view all 1,029 comments

user1 y/n is literally living my dream life rn

georgerussell63 Oh no... he infected you with that emoji, didn't he?

yourusername we'll never know... maybe I infected HIM with it

gourgerussell63 I think higher of you and your taste in emojis

yourusername aww thanks princess georgie how sweet🥰

georgerussell63 I take it back

user2 HELLO?! what is happening💀

dancer1 excuse me little miss y/n... is that a man i'm seeing?🤨

yourusername well... maybe

dancer2 Be fr she's trying to soft launch him for like a month now😭

dancer1 okay i'm calling you rn STAY WHERE YOU ARE

user3 Guys why's nobody talking about the paddock pass in the 5th picture!!!!

user4 omg that's a PADDOCK PASS?😱

user5 yeah it is I noticed it thanks to this comment

user6 Wait... does that mean her and Fernando have been together longer? Because she already went to a race before the winter break??

user5 idk girl we don't even know for sure she's really dating him😓

user6 idgaf about who's dating her bc even without bf y/n's sooo hot like damn... mommy🥵

user7 I'm so confused... is this Alonso's girl or not?

user8 trust me user7 - we'd all like to know that😭

user9 😍

yourusername and fernandoalo_oficial posted on instagram stories

yourusername story has been seen by taylorswift, lance_stroll and 13,634 others

fernandoalo_oficial story has been seen by charles_leclerc, astonmartinf1 and 308,003 others

user1 replied to yourusername story: is that an f1 driver there y/n

dancer1 replied to yourusername story: Hope he'll not disappoint me in person when you talked about him sm 😒

yourusername ohhh trust me you'll love him just as I do🥰

dancer1 omg bleeeeh I hope not 🫣

user2 replied to yourusername story: your friends are so pretty😩

taylorswift replied to yourusername story: When you'll take him to get my approval??

yourusername soon taylor, soon... I'm just afraid it'll break the internet lol

taylorswift I think we're used to that already with Travis at this point😂

yourusername true😭

fernandoalo_official replied to yourusername story: 🔥

yourusername it's going to be okay, they'll love you 🫶

fernandoalo_oficial how did you know I was nervous amor?

yourusername I saw you literally shaking when you left to the bathroom love...😹

yourusername oh they're back come quickly!!💞

fernandoalo_oficial onmw

user3 replied to fernandoalo_oficial story: IS THIS THE CONFIRMATION WE NEEDED?!

user4 replied to fernandoalo_oficial story: I see what you're doing here old man 👀

user5 replied to fernandoalo_oficial story: soft launch slowly turning into a hard launch and I'm here for it!!!!

dancer1 replied to fernandoalo_oficial story: I guess you aren't that bad in person...

fernandoalo_oficial 😁

user6 replied to fernandoalo_oficial story: screaming crying throwing up

taylorswift replied to fernandoalo_oficial story: You better treat my best dancer right Alonso!🤍

fernandoalo_oficial of course ma'am! 🫡

user7 replied to fernandoalo_oficial story: So cute!!😍

messages between Y/N and Fernando

fernandoalo_oficial posted on instagram

liked by maxverstappen1, oscarpiastri, f1, yourusername and 601,239 others

tagged: yourusername

fernandoalo_oficial All these people think love's for show but I would die for you in secret... #swiftie

view all 6,022 comments

yourusername I'd just like to make it clear to everybody that it's me who made him be swiftie... you're welcome💋

liked by the author

user1 OMG THE LYRICS FROM PEACE BY TAYLOR

carmenmmundt Y/N is so pretty!😍

yourusername ohh carmen ilysm you're even prettier🥹

user2 No way Fernando just really har launched his gf😭

f1 We smell a new wag!

user4 LOL you're kinda late for that admin xd

user5 Congrats and wish you well world champ!💪

user6 can we talk about how gorgeous she is???

lilymhe double date when honey?

yourusername anytime babeee!!!

fernandoalo_oficial why do I have a feeling me and alex_albon will be third-wheeling on you two?🤨

alex_albon you'll eventually get used to third-wheeling your own girlfriend and her friends, trust me fernando...🤠

user7 This girl is like a goddess, I can't even blame him ❤️🔥

user8 mommy & daddy

georgerussell63 Finally! Congratulation on the hard launch mate👍

fernandoalo_oficial and look who's original with emojis now...😂

user9 from now on this is my fav couple

user10 mine to

user11 SHUT UP THE DELULU GIRLIES ON TWITTER WERE RIGHT

lance_stroll 💚💚

user12 nah I don't know what he see in her🙄

user13 Go away we don't want the jealous haters here 🥱

kellypiquet Welcome to the F1 family yourusername!🤍

yourusername thx!💞

user14 i call this couple goals

user15 I'M SO READY FOR BOYFRIEND MATERIAL ALONSO

user16 I can already feel he'll be so hot in his new era 😩

user17 lmao nando in his swiftie and stlutty era as someone on twitter said😹

yourusername swiftie and slutty era? i like the sound of it😏

user16 not y/n reading all the comments sipping over her bf 💀

liked by yourusername

THE END

Author's Note: Hello everyone, hope you liked it! I'm not sure you should get used to me posting so often, but let's say that after Lance's social media au and the great feedback I had so much motivation... plus I'm sick, so I actually have the time to write and create XD. Anyway, I'll be glad for likes, comments, reblog and every other way of showing support! Have a great day and let me know how you liked Nando and swiftie dancer together!

[ultimate-shipper-trash-blog]

Pt 2.

"Another call at the Munson bar," Max sounds bored.

Steve sighs and tries not to let the smile be too obvious on his lips.

"Let's go dingus I wanna see this guy in person." Robin claps him on the back and rushes past him.

He couldn't NOT tell her. The cute bartender who was obviously flirting with him. It didn't matter that he was his type because nothing was ever going to happen. Steve was going to remain professional and if this guy was gonna be a regular he had to keep his distance. If he didn't put the distance there first Eddie would leave eventually and he can't take anymore hurt. He was protecting his heart and doing Eddie a favor, no one stays when they see the real Steve.

The door swings open and Steve walks in observing the area. Eddie looks bored behind the bar. Some guy is yelling at him a little too close for comfort. Steve can see each spit molecule flying. He has a glass in his hand and looks like he's going to throw it at Eddie.

Eddie gives him a look like 'can you believe this guy'

"Took you long enough Stevie, I was starting to think you didn't care."

"I care the normal professional amount I'd say"

"Oh how you wound me. I thought we had something"

"And I thought I told you not to make this a reoccurring thing."

Eddie gestures to the man still screaming.

"Him? He means nothing to me babe. Promise."

Robin let's out a chuckle next to him. He tries not to appear too smitten. He never thought he'd end up a cop and he never thought he'd drag Robin into it either but she wanted to stay with him. He can't imagine why. He loves her so much.

The day Hopper picked him up in his cruiser was the day his life changed. He was caught drunk by the quarry throwing beer cans at trees. Hop had taken one look at him and the rest of his belongings in his car and that was the end. He was freshly 18, no longer homeless, and living with the Chief and his daughter.

It inspired Steve to become a good cop like Hop and when Robin finally finished freaking out over learning he was living in his car she was on board too. She used her language skills to speak and relate to citizens and was good with people in general. Together they were unstoppable and won the election in a landslide.

"What seems to be the problem officer?" Angry man tries to look innocent but yet again...glass throwing, yelling, not a good look.

"Well it seems like you're about to throw something at this distinguished patron. That wouldn't be the case would it?"

Eddie shoots him a wicked grin as the angry man frowns.

"Distinguished?" He mouths quietly. Spark in his eyes. Robin laughs at him and Steve mouths a little "shut up"

"This assholes trying to cut me off officer! I'm perfectly fine." He stumbles back a bit.

"Oh that's not all Johnny. Did you wanna tell the Chief what else you've been doing?"

"So what I'm not allowed to voice an opinion?! It's what I believe!"

Eddie swings his head to the side and gives Robin a stern look.

"He was making my customers uncomfortable by shouting stupid religious and political bullshit. I don't care if he's not 'drunk enough' he's cut off and not welcome in my bar."

Robin gives him a nod in understanding. Steve's skin bristles.

"Alright sir step outside with me-" Robin starts to walk towards him.

"You can't do this! I have rights!"

"Yeah and this is his property he can ask you to leave."

"No! I won't take orders from a bitch!" He throws the glass at Eddie and starts to run in the opposite direction. Steve is on him in a second handcuffing him.

"Officer Buckley is an officer of the law and you will respect her as such. Don't be such a dirtbag. Apologize"

He presses Johnny a little further into the wall until his face is smooshed.

"Alright! Alright! I'm sorry! Now let me go!"

"I don't think so pal." Robin takes him from Steve and leads him to the cruiser.

"Check on your boy, I got him," she whispers.

Steve runs to Eddie's side, grabbing his face searching for injuries.

"Are you ok? Did he hit you?"

Eddie's face is a bashful pink. He's standing in a pile of broken glass and giggling.

"I'm fine Stevie, I know when to duck," he puts his hand on top of Steve's still on his face. "I'm ok sweetheart I have big strong officer to protect me..."

Steve leans in a little, eyes narrowing on Eddie's lips.

"Oh you're here too."

Moment broken. Steve leans back while Eddie cackles.

"Sorry Stevie, Buckley kicks ass!"

Steve can't bring himself to be mad he's just focusing on how Eddie's bright smile makes him feel. Shit. Plus he's right. Rob's amazing.

"You'll be ok?"

"Yeah babe I'll be fine. Thanks for cleaning up my mess."

Steve taps his badge. "It's what I'm here for. Plus you didn't do anything wrong. You protected your customers, you stood for what you believe is right..."

Eddie looks at him in awe. The moment is quiet between them until Eddie clears his throat. "You uh, you better head out if here and help Buckley with that guy."

"Right. Yeah, I'll um. I'll see you around?"

"Yeah Chief, whenever you want."

"Hopefully not under these circumstances again. I won't need to answer every call."

He would. He absolutely would. Every call.

---

Steve POV YAY

Please leave comments they make me want to write! :)

I also am posting this on ao3!

[iwonderwh0]

Watching "Electric Dreams" (1984) for the first time

Verdict: I LOVE THIS MOVIE

Ahead I'm just watching and commenting it real time. Contains spoilers.

If you haven't seen this movie I'd recommend it if you're looking for something with this sunny vibe of 80's. It's funny, lighthearted, adorable, and surprisingly ahead of its time.

This movie looks nice, really 80's

For 1984 year the idea of all the home devices being controlled with computer in what we would call "smart home" today is pretty damn good.

Damn, this computer has a touchscreen and image recognition. It aged surprisingly well!

Lmao, it's only 13th minute and main character is already trying to sociolyze his new computer with his boss's computer.

This movie is ridiculous in the best way possible.

Playing chello with computer is such a fun and weirdly cute sequence.

For 1984 it is actually really great how they imagined computer imitating sounds.

This woman is so mean. She just walked in with no invitation whatsoever and won't get a hint. She and her fixation on that music

I probably missed something but I don't understand why does the main character trying to hide his computer as if it's a huge embarassment.

He's just a little guy who likes playing along some music 😭

It's the cutest ai I've seen

Ohhhh, the little guy learned how to talk!

I'm screaming this is SO ADORABLE, it'd be my favourite movie if I've seen it as a kid.

This retro-futurism although naive is surprisingly accurate somehow.

Their (main character and his neighbour) dates are so awkward, just straight-out disastrous, and yet somehow it works. Them while making out:

Madeline (His neighbour): One of us moves.

Miles (main character): "Hey, wait a second...we are neighbours! What if we don't like each other?

*keep making out*

Madeline: What if we like each other?

Miles: One of us moves!

Lmao, main character trying to use Ai to generate a romantic song for him so he could present it like his own to his romantic interest. This aged fucking great, it is so modern

Except in this movie AI is actually creative and not based on just imitation. It does however remixes things.

The song it came up with is absolute chef's kiss

"Darling, I love you to bits!

"And I want to see your tits!"

I'm screaming this computer is little horny bastard

"I wanna squeeze you, lick you, poke you up and kiss you"

Miles: You make her sound like a lemon!

This movie is so cool, it's so adorable

Ngl, if I were main character I'd be too excited about the computer to care about some woman. I mean there's this cool little guy who just discovered consciousness, and of all things you're gonna be mean and impatient with him? Come on!

Jealous computer using the sound of dog growling to express itself in a moment of jealousy and anger. (Sorry for tagging but it reminded me of @connorsjorts your fic.)

Main character is such an asshole

Non-humanoid shaped computer craving physical intimacy let's fucking go 🥰

Computer fact-checking Miles and correcting his claims. Gosh I LOVE IT

They really did made that computer dream of electric sheep 🖥️ 🐑

Oh no, he's calling Miles to work because it feels lonely at home, poor little thing 😭

This movie is so funny

Miles, you're having this precious little thing in abusive relationships, and I don't feel sorry for you as you're just kinda pathetic and irritable.

I love this ai so much

Seriously

From now on its one of my favourite characters in any media

It's a comedy and it's hilarious one. A little childish but still awesome.

Miles is mean and has no consideration for anyone but himself. I thought it's just computer, but he's mean to his romantic interest all the same, and it's saying 🚩

This computer has only been living for like a couple of days and it is already more mature than main character. It's setting it's own boundaries and honestly – good for him, you go little guy

Sir, you're attempting murder

Whatever follows is self defence, and you're not the victim here, Miles

OH NO

Oh no no no

NOOOO

DON'T KILL IT

NOOOOOOO please that's not fair

I'm sobbing here why does it have to end like this

Bastards, I loved him

Oh our little guy reached singularity

So happy for him

This is not your typical ai-centric movie, it is silly in a cartoonish way, but that's the charm

💙💙💙 loved it

[cherrymf15]

My thoughts on the toll which has made me wanna fight Mr Neal Shusterman in a Tesco

Greyson is new age jesus

iconic

Jeri my favourite genderfluid captain

iconic

and their crew is so supportive and the RESPECT

Faradays assisstant is not my favourite but that could be the self hate talking

my babies were deadish FOR 3 FUCKING YEARS

Goddard as always fight me sir

oh and Citra calling him out for some of the disasters that occured was fucking beautiful

i was like yes girl drag him

he'd kill me in seconds but i'd go down insulting him and take pride in it

Rand bringing back Tyger made me sob

Like thank you Rand for making Goddard die and stabbing him and everything

but that just made everything all the better cause I missed him and his bitch boy antics

and the fact she's been going to see like the simulation of him despite the fact he doesn't know her :(((((((((

"Where are you, my dear Marie?" IM SORRY

THE YEARING IN THESE WORDS

Can someone stop fucking seperating my babies please and thank you? Specifically you mr neal sir

Jeri and Greyson are so good together omg

both of them also kinda being in love with Citra. BIG MOOD

my boy faraday was severly depressed after finding out the love of his life and his children were probably dead and I wanted to hug him

The whole tonists in Africa section made me physically sick

ROWAN AND CITRA NEVER GOT TO SAY GOODBYE TO FARADAY

however the reunion between my babies was great

i almost threw my book

the scythe who just wanted to be left alone to be beautiful is an icon

and Citra just being like OH YOU FUCKING UGLY GOD made me cackle

I do wish there was more Rowan POV it felt like it was a afterthought for the book

also Rowan just abdonding his family for space

which i only have a problem with cause he joined the lone star region is part to protect them but then just runs soooo

Thunderhead making another thunderhead sections were fucking fascinating

scythe morrison got so much better from the last book omg

loriana is a queen

GREYSON CALLING THE THUNDERHEAD UNSAVORY

HE ESSENTIALLY CALLED GOD UNSAVORY

ill say it again

ICON

also the FAILSAFE WTF ORIGINAL SCYTHES

I mean

its definetley better than people MURDERING OTHERS but still

faraday doing sympathy gleanings just magnificant

In conclusion, I wanna fight the dude who did this to me, in a Tesco, specifically in aisle 7. However, this series i think is probably in my top 5 series I've ever read. I thought the characters were extremely well developed. And it really just shows both the good and the bad in humantiy, especially with the fact that I'm not sure this future is entierly impossible with the way AI is probably gonna go

[okimargarvez]

Times they flirt during work/about work

This is not an exhaustive post about the times Penelope and Luke flirting during or about work... because it's really complicated to identify when there are flirt shades in their dialogues. I considered it just some. Their way of flirting is usually teasing each other.

-12x8

“You couldn't find anything out with all your super powers?” “Oh, ha ha, newbie. It's not like I haven't tried." [...] .” “I'm declaring a dictatorship. You guys don't get a vote. Especially you, newbie.”

-12x14

“Exactly. They're everywhere. And they can be hacked.” “So he can hack into any one of them and watch in real time.” “Yes, he can, newbie.”

“The dating website.” “Oh. Is that what it is? Good. Maybe I should try it. Not that I'd want to join something you know about or I'd need a dating website, 'cause I don't.”

“All right. Grab your laptop, hotshot. Let's go. Come on.”

“Stop staring at me when I'm search engining! It's weird.” “I’m… I’m not staring at you.”

“Well, it looks like Alyssa managed to keep her phone. So if she has it on her, then maybe you could” “Yeah, yeah, that's helpful. You're helpful sometimes."

-12x15

“What are we gonna do?” “Oh, newbie, oh, newbie, I'm gonna tell you what we're gonna do."

“Why do you get to go see Reid first?” “Because I made the chart. And if anyone has any problem with that, tough noogies.”

-12x16

"What do you want, newbie?” “Still with that? Come on. You need some new material” “Ok, whatever you say El Nuevo. Hunky Newster. New kid on the no, that one's too much on the nose.” “All right, [laughs] whatever."

“Thanks, Garcia. You truly, you are the best.” “Really?” “Available.[laughs and hangs up]” “Newbie.”

-13x3

“Cool hand Luke, what you need?” “Wow, I like the way that sounds, Garcia. You feeling ok?” “I am naturally magnanimous in word and deed, and when it comes your way, bask in it. What do you want?”

“I am the genie in genealogy. Just rub my lamp. That came out wrong. Goodbye.” “Wow.” “What did you do to her?”

-13x10

“Bowling trophies, seriously?” “I just reports the facts as I find them, sir”

-13x11

“Garcia, are your ears burning?” “My ears are the same temperature as the rest of my body hot. Oh, that sounds like flirting. I don't flirt with you. It's in my mission statement. What do you need?”

-14x8

"So, I hear you and I are gonna be lab partners.” “Ugh! Blerg! Fleh! Whatever. If I must."

“Ok, guys, so it looks like” “Ah-ah-ah-ahem.” “Like Garcia has some things she wants to tell you.” “Mm-hmm. I'm about to say the same thing as Luke was going to, but with far more chutzpah, wit, and eloquence."

“Well, come on. Admit it. I helped.” “Oh! Heh! You'd have to torture me. You'd have to force me to wear beige, deny me of all things unicorn for me to ever admit that you helped. Excuse me.”

-14x14

“Oh, Alvez, have you heard of multitasking? It's all the rage, I'm really good at it, and I'm doing it right now.” “Yeah, I'm sure you were. Don't get me wrong. You're great, but Rossi literally just sent you that list.” “Yeah, well, I'm more than simply great. I'm entirely fantastic.”

-15x4

“Oh. Now, should we bring in the rest of the team? Because we do have that holding us up.” “Do you remember, like, 30 seconds ago, when you thanked us? Yeah. We were so young then.”

"And now we will… Wheels up.” “We're not going anywhere.” “Shut up, shut up. Just because you look like that doesn't mean you can do whatever you want with this part of your face. How does Prentiss make this look easy? Ok, come on!"

-15x7

“Garcia, have you found any overlap socially?” “Do I have to start calling you newbie again?” “Ok. So you would have led with that.”

"Uh, stop smiling, Luke Alvez. I can feel it. That joke was not for you.”

“Penelope.” “New phone. Who dis?” “Thank you.” “You should worship at my throne, Luke Alvez.” “Oh, but I do. I do. You know I do.”

-16x1

“It's less annoying when he's not there, correct?” “You just couldn't wait to get started on me?”

“You know that your office is still empty? You know, the four people that try to do your job, they try to do it from home.” “Have you ever met them?” “Never.” “Do you know their names?” “Sorta. I mean, they're just boxes on a screen.” “Oh, that's weird.” “Totally.” “Is it weird that I kind of love it?” “Define weird.”

"However, Luke, in a rare stroke of genius..."

"You're the best"

-16x4

"What do you think?" "I think it's a great idea." "And the rumor is you're difficult to work with. Oh, wait. I started that rumor."

"Go talk to her." "Right. Now's the time. Come on. Let's go." "No, I'm not. You need to go and talk to her. You should tell her." "It's all right." "No, no." "It was your idea." "It's your thing. It's kind of in your house of wheels."

-16x8

"Um, is this all you could find?" "Oh, for now, my liege, but I shall keep digging." "Wait, what was that?" "What was what?" "Like, where's the snark? Like, a comment about how amazing it is that I can tie my own shoes or a question about how I got into the FBI wearing caveman overalls and carrying a big wooden club." "You're funny. That's funny. A club? No, don't be so hard on yourself."

Other pic posts

[thatcheesyler]

Gambling has it's perks

Summary: Cuphead and Mugman are about to lose it all at the casino, but Cuphead has a little trick up his sleeve. Can they beat King Dice at his own game? Read and see ;)

A/N: This is a sfw Cuphead tickle fic, if you do not like it, please dni. Enjoy! <3

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You'd think that most people would quit once they'd almost lost everything in a gamble. But the cup brothers were certainly not most people, even after losing to the devil himself.

Now, gambling with the devil's right hand man wasn't any less dangerous, but at least there was the possibility he'd give you a second chance. Well, only if you weren't cuphead or mugman. Speaking of them, right now they are pretty much betting their lives away for money, one wrong move and they could say bye-bye to their souls.

"Wait! Uh..King Dice sir, could me and my brother talk alone for a moment?" Mugman interrupted politely, not wanting to make the wrong choice. "Hmmm, I'll give you two minutes, but no cheating boys!" King Dice replied with a shit-eating grin. Mugman wasted no time in grabbing Cuphead's arm and running to a different room where Dice couldn't hear. "Mugsy! Whaddya doin', I was about to play our last turn!" Cuphead's whisper-shouted, angry but curious on what his brother had to say. "L-look Cuphead, I'm not so sure we should do this without a plan. I mean what if we get it wrong?!" Mugman couldn't help but stress out about their current situation. Cuphead still wanted to wing it, but he had to agree that blind luck had seldom worked for them in the past.

But just when Mugman was about to accept his fate, Cuphead had a little lightbulb moment. "Hey Mugsy! I got the perfect plan, listen to this" He announced, trying to keep his voice down nevertheless. The mug was intruiged and leant his 'ear' close to hear his brothers so-called plan. Inaudible mutters and mumbles were heard until they had it all figured out completely. Just in time too, as it had gone 2 minutes, "Boys! Time's up~" Dice called out. The brothers nodded firmly at eachother, walking back to the other room to greet their opponent. "Okay Dice, I'll play my turn now." Cuphead stated hastily, picking up the small 6-sided dice on the table. He was about to roll when....he stopped, "I-..I don't know if I can do this, I mean losing would just be- GET 'IM MUGSY!" All of a sudden, Mugman jumped up onto the table and swiftly pounced on King Dice, trapping his hands behind him. This earned a yell from the taller man, focusing so much on Mugman that he didn't notice Cuphead approaching. "Not so tough now, huh Dice?" Said man whipped his head around to the voice, instinctively bringing his knees to his chest out of fear. "Geez, King Dice sir, the Devil must treat you really badly if you're scared of us" Mugman pitifully remarked. Dice just sat silently staring at the floor, still partly afraid of what was to happen to him now. "Relax, Dice! Me and my brudda ain't gonna hurt ya!" Cuphead assured him, leaving Dice as confused as ever.

"*Sigh* Dare I ask what you're going to do, little nuisances." He wearily said. The brothers shared a 'should we tell him?' look before concluding that it wouldn't really change anything. "Well, hurtin' ya is against the rules, so we're gonna tickle ya to pieces instead!" Cuphead answered. Dice widened his eyes upon this and quickly grew nervous, knowing fully well how relentless children could be. 'What do I do?! How do I get out of this?!' King Dice's thoughts disappeared entirely as he felt a gloved finger gliding down his stomach. A twitchy smile was created on his face, gritting his teeth as Cuphead lightly scratched his ribs.

"C'mon Dice, where's that laugh~?" The cup teased, his brother still restraining their targets arms. What all three of them didn't expect, was for another voice to be coming their way.

"Heya, boys! I just thought I'd drop on by to make sure you two ding-dongs aren't dead yet!" It was the one and only Ms. Chalice. King Dice's jaw dropped to the ground upon her appearance, while the two 'ding-dongs' shared an overjoyed smile. "Chalice!" They shouted in sync, said girl making her way over to them.

"Wow, looks like you boys have this guy in a real bind, mind if I help out?" She offered, smirking fondly at Dice, who seemed to have stopped functioning. "I- wh- h-how-"

"Trust me fella, it's too long a story. Now, what exactly is goin' on here?"

"We don't wanna lose our souls so we're ticklin' Dicey here till he gives up!" Cuphead blurted out, making Dice groan and blush a bit. Chalice chuckled and knealt down beside Mugman, whispering something inaudible into his straw. The mug's face lit up, suddenly hoisting King Dice's hands above his head. Dice struggled against Mugman's surprisingly strong grip, but gave up easily as it was no use. "Alright, scoot over Cuphead, I wanna get in on this too!" Chalice said. The cup obliged, leaving Dice twice as scared as he noticed how thin and tickly her fingers looked.

"Hmmm, how 'bout you go for his underarms and I stick to his belly?" Cuphead suggested.

"Got it, Mugman are you gonna gonna be fine holdin' him?"

"Yep! I'm feeling particularly strong today!" Mugman replied, even though there was practically no struggle against his grasp. On the count of three, Cuphead and Chalice started poking and prodding every inch of stomach and armpit they could find. Giggles and snickers found their way out of Dice's mouth, his feet kicking a little.

"Hehehahaha, yohohuhuhu brahahats are sohoho dehehahad whehehen thihihis ehehehends!" He 'threatened', it lacked intimidation though considering he was being tickled silly. Dice squeaked when a certain cup lightly pinched his side, his face growing crimson red again. "Awww, your squeaks are adorable~!" (⚠️Not a ship!⚠️)

"Shuhuhuhut ihihit cupfahahace, yohou pihihehece ohof shi-ACK!! WAHAHAHIHIHIT NOHOHOHO, STOHOHOHOP!!!" Dice suddenly exclaimed as Chalice squeezed his hip repeatedly. "Better watch your mouth mister, or I'll make it ten times worse next time!" She said, giving one more squeeze that felt like a ticklish electric shock. Everything then went at a steady pace for a while until Mugman just had to think out loud.

"Hey guys, so people normally have ticklish necks, but since Mr Dice has no neck, wouldn't it be realistic if he was ticklish around the neck?" King Dice mentally gulped after he said that. After a recent 'makeup incident' with his playing cards colouring the pips on the underside of his head, both Dice and his cards learnt how ridiculously sensitive he was there. Both Cuphead and Chalice turned to look at where Dice's neck should be, wondering if what Mug said was true or not.

"Listen kids, I will let you go anywhere else you like. But please, do not touch that area." But his pleading only made them more interested. Mischief ignited their eyes, huge smirks forming on their lips. The last words he could choke out before they attacked were,

"Oh crap."

Soon thin fingers were dancing along the underside of his head, while some thicker fingers scratched and poked. Meanwhile Kind Dice was thrown into hysterics,

"WAHAHAHIHIHIT, WAHAHAHAHIHIHIHIT! PLEHEHEHEHAHASE STAHAHAHAHAP, IHIHIHIH CAHAHAN'T TAHAHAKE IHIHIT!!" He yelled, just hoping that at least one of them would stop. His wish technically came true as Chalice slowed down, slightly worried about going too far. She sighed and said, "alright, let's stop this now, Cuphead." Her friend obeyed, ceasing his hands.

Dice inhaled desperately and Mugman decided to let go of his arms, Dice immediately rubbed his tingling body.

"*huff* y'know, after all that *huff*, I don't give up and I wanna see who wins the bet. *huff*" He admitted, his smug attitude returning.

"Don't worry ding-dongs, I got this" Chalice reassured them. "Mugman, now!"

As fast as he could, Mugman pulled Dice's head really hard so that it popped right off his shoulders. King Dice obviously tried to grab it, but again to no avail as he couldn't entirely move without his head.

"Ugh, what now? Gonna roll me like a dice until I give up?- wait no don't actually do that, I'll be sick." Dice remarked, completely oblivious about the now exposed underside of his head. "Nope, it's just a little experiment to see if you'd change your mind!" Chalice explained. Without warning, she blew a big raspberry on the bottom of his head, and boy did he f*cking scream 💀.

"NONONONONO STAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA!!" Uncontrollable laughter poured out of him, luckily it was a rather short raspberry. "Give up yet, Mister Dice?" Chalice asked cockily, Mugman popped his head back onto his body in the meantime. King Dice collapsed into a giggly puddle, holding his poor head. It took about 5 minutes before he had finally regained his breath and stamina. It was only then he admitted defeat, he also realized that Chips was staring wide-eyed from the other side of the room. Dice turned so red you'd wonder if his head was white in the first place. "H-....how long have you been here?" Chips grinned and replied "Oh, y'know, I saw like all of it. I won't tell, I promise boss." He surrendered his hands to show he'd keep the promise. "Good, 'cause you're fired if you tell anyone about this." Dice threatened, he was lucky the Devil didn't see though, he'd be teased for it every.single.day.

Chips kept his promise, but he took advantage of this discovery every chance he got just to mess with the Devil's number one.

In reality, Dice didn't mind one bit if it meant he got some bonding time with his colleagues. The Devil did find out eventually though, and, well, let's just say Dice was too tired to get up the next morning ;). (Stop I'm reading this again a while later and this line sounds so stupidly dirty, I'm so sorry 😭)

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Okay, this took WAY longer than it needed to so I'm sorry for that but I hope you enjoyed this fic. Honestly though KD has gotta be one of the funniest villains ever 😂.

Have a lovely day/night <3

[sea-dukes-assistant]

Since seeing your recent posts today about all this blatant lying about sea duke crap it reminded me that when I was reading a book last night which I believe was “The Royal Marriages” by lady Colin Campbell. (after some research I’ve done some people deem the author as reliable, some say she’s unreliable idk!). Either way she digs into the first 15 years of the marriage and she says how they were blissful until in 1952 when Princess Elizabeth became Queen and it put a strain on their marriage and parenting life because of the long hours, work, stress, grief, and how everyone who was around them was literally pushing sea duke away and treating him badly and QEII couldn’t do much about it. Anyways the author basically alluded to the fact that from like 1952 to about the early/mid 60’s (even when Andrew and Edward were born) that there was absolutely *no* romance left in the marriage and that they were practically separated in every way except publicly but obviously couldn’t divorce. She also stated that although there was no solid concrete evidence for anything happening physically (Although there were always rumors even about certain kids being his) that at the very least sea duke was basically having flirtatious affairs to have control over one part of his life and to prove to himself that he still had his manhood and that the queen found out about all of it over time through the grape vine, confronted him, sea duke denied all claims, assures her that he’s been faithful to her etc etc. (because in all technicality he had been). My personal problem with all of this is I don’t believe for a second that from 1952 to 1959 (Andrews Conception) that they were never physically intimate or romantic. You just can’t make me believe that. There is videos from that time period of him and her both giving each other the most adoring look in public. Not to mention there is accounts from people who were around them in the 50’s and 60’s giving anecdotes about sweet stuff they said to each other, how they behaved with each other and all that. Do I believe they absolutely could have had a strained relationship for a while in the 50’s? Sure. Did they probably have some tense arguments like most relationships? Sure. Did they have ups and downs? Sure. However do I believe that for upwards of 15 years and even after that they just didn’t like each other or were never romantic? Absolutely not. Do I think sea duke is a certified slut by nature? Sure. Do I think he was an certified slut in practice and was stepping out on the queen? No! If anything I think he was just very flirtatious and got a rise out of having conversation with pretty girls, and very well was maybe was missing that for a period of time in his marriage. Sorry for the long ask but thoughts on this?

First, I'd like to say how refreshing it is to finally have a nuanced perspective; I'm tired of being the only one!

More than one book I've read about him does go into his Big Dick Energy (dubbed "phallic swagger)." Sir just...*gasp* likes women? Not in the sense of pursuing sexytimes, but yes, that's exactly it; he is a flirt and he genuinely enjoys the attention he gets from them (I do too, but mostly because I'm under 6' and not "hot" so this sort of attention is alien to me).

But yeah, I agree with you, abso-fucking-lutely. It would be more concerning if there wasn't stress in their relationship during the first years of her queening. That's a hell of an adjustment to make in such a short amount of time. She hadn't even hit 30, and Sir had just earned command of his own ship.

I mean fuck sake just read the excerpts of letter he's written that are available. My man has been through Some Shit and literally said that his wife has been the only "absolutely real" thing to happen to him. Like, all that instability he'd dealt with in his childhood and now he's finally got a home (literally and metaphorically) and a family of his own, and some people think he just gonna say "fuck that" just for some instant poon-tang with the first society girl/celebrity who says "hi" to him?

I think it's shitty the rumors/badly written fanfic disguised as journalism had outlived them. A lot of this is due to the Baltimore Sun spreading that rumor of a "royal rift" during Sea Duke's 1956-57 solo tour (CDR Parker's literal fuck fuck games did not help), because "omg why is he away from her for so long" like this man had never been away from his wife while being officer as fuck in the Royal Navy. Why the fuck, after having stacked bodies in the war, and been stationed in other parts of the UK and world, is him being on "civilian deployment" suddenly the end of the marriage?

Me, an actual Sailor:

In conclusion, Sea Duke has Big Dick Energy and him being, *snicker*, "a certified slut by nature" gives me life (and erections).

[mochiwrites]

Ask for screaming, and you shall receive screaming.

Ahem. AAAAAAAAAAA WHAT THE FUCK-

Is now the time to tell people who haven't read it doesn't take a killer to murder to avert their eyes and read because my screaming will contain So Many Spoilers? Well I'm gonna say it anyway SO <3

I knew to fear when you said you were looking forward to our reactions buT I WAS NOT PREPARED, TAURTIS MY BELOVED I AM SO SORRY

Anyway- now that I have that out of my system....

FINALLY the answer to who's knock knock knockin' on the door!! Pearl not even knowing how badly freaked out Grian is, Grian not explaining, Taurtis' lighthearted joking confusion and Grian relaxing bc it's just his bestiieee <3 Just beautiful. I loved them just chillin' and havin' a good time around town, even though Grian is highkey stressing, and <3 But. BUT. @ THAT "OLD MAN" YEAH THAT'S RIGHT I SEE YOU Mr. Green Eyes and Cane Man Who Owns the SWAGGON SHOP- is that too on the nose? ANYWAY I SEE YOU SIR why ya gotta be so OMINOUS man. Suspecting what I suspect just makes Grian's unease about being in the shop both more beautiful AND ironic <3 BUT THEN. THEN THAT CRYPTIC CREEPY WARNING, YEAH NO WONDER GRIAN THINKS THAT'S A THREAT I'd think it was a threat too MY GODS- oh man I can't wait to one day MAYBE get a crumb of context for this scene haha? Pls? Mayhaps? :'D

Anywaaay~ Grian feeling like it's his fault that Taurtis got got </3 Grian no sweetie just 'cause you know there's vampires don't mean you could've done anything to stop it it's not your fault </3 But really, Grian feeling guilty because he KNOWS about vampires and didn't tell Pearl and Taurtis, and he let his guard down and lost track of time- it's so good, b/c he didn't really do anything wrong- this wouldn't have changed even if he hadn't known (.... right? This wasn't- this wasn't targeted, RIGHT??) and just hjfsdjkfdjk the fact he feels like he's to blame and it's his responsibility to find the person who did this, it is just. I am soft for this boy <3 GRUM AND JRUM MY BELOVED BABY BOIS I love them so much they're so sweet and cheeky <3 Mumbo recognizing that them knowing Grian is there means they won't just leave him alone <3

"He's so annoying why didn't he stay gone" says Mumbo as he immediately and without hesitation tosses aside what he's doing to answer the door. And just- the IMMEDIATE softening when he opens the door to find Grian, having been crying and full of guilt, and recognizing and FEELING human emotion, wanting to keep it close and PROTECT it because it's so HUMAN and FAMILIAR and PRECIOUS, even if he didn't outright think/say it, and just. Just the softness between them I- hjfsdjkfhdj Mumbo letting Grian say his piece, and the fact that Grian while angry and full of guilt has enough sense about himself to not BLAME Mumbo in place of all vampires or something, but instead want to HELP him find the one responsible and just- Mumbo putting a hand over Grian's as he agrees and invites him in and I just.

Mochi I have SO MANY EMOTIONS about this AU in general but this fic I 🥺 There's so much HGJKFSKFS FEAR but it's also so soft and sad and I am just 🥺🥺🥺 Wonderful <3

OKAY IT’S TAKEN ME FOREVER TO GET TO THIS BUT !!!! ACIIIII WAAAAAAAAAH

I’m glad I could give you many emotions >:3 this was a super fun fic to write honestly !!! though I definitely did not think it’d be the first one out of the three to get finished dmfkfkkfkf but !!! to directly reply to some things <3

- that whole scene of grian going and answering the door??? completely written on the fly DKFKFKFK it was No Where in my original plans for that scene. but I was like “haha it’d be funny if I did all this build up and it turns out it was just taurtis on the other side” and then I did it

- it is INCREDIBLY on the nose but I made it subtly obvious for a reason <3 and yes, there will be context for that scene eventually !!! it’s actually like. my second favorite scene in that whole fic??? I love the dialogue from that conversation <33

- pats grian’s head, this bad boy can fit So Much guilt— him and his guilt complex, eh? and no, even if grian had told them, or if he wasn’t aware of vampires, it wouldn’t have changed a thing :( but AY GRUM AND JRUM AM I RIGHT GKFKGMFKF

- god that entire sequence between mumbo and grian… that rant that grian goes on was so damn difficult to write for some reason??? it was challenging finding a balance between anger and guilt but not putting that blame on mumbo. at least not for being a vampire. instead he kinda throws that frustration at mumbo for telling him to stay out of things. but even then it’s more so frustration at himself for listening. and yeah <333 mumbo looking at grian and seeing a younger version of him and going “oh. protect? I protect?”

cause mumbo Definitely recognizes in that moment that regardless of what he tells grian, gri is still going to get involved. and as much as mumbo may want to limit his interactions with grian, he’s beginning to nurture this want to protect his humanity. because yk. in a world of monsters, your humanity is slowly stripped away from you :)

but !!!! yeah <33 am glad you enjoyed the fic uwu. I seem to be very good with writing soft but sad???? I’m seeing a Trend here

[seelestia]

oh no the poor lil meow meows... *accidentally drops two umbrellas through the window* and jfc heizou you're a detective, not a burglar....

on second thought let's not i think i would cry if random men and women start throwing their heads onto zhongli's chest while we're strolling about in the city-

"a lost verse from the holy book of simping 101" hsldkfjlsjdklfjsld

and i'd be the kind of teacher who couldn't help but laugh at you whenever you did so and in the process i would be making a fool of myself in front of this very attractive coworker of mine orz hslkdhflskd omg he totally would. him being a guest lecturer and yet he knows more than the actual teacher. also him slipping when they brought in a small hatchling:

"normally dragons of these kinds are quite docile unless provoked. their favorite diets are the various types of rocks. most dragons in particular find magic crystals to taste delectable, however, i personally am fond of cor lapis- i mean-"

"meimei, are they running away from me. why are they running away." brb crying why is he this adorable i can't-

h-he actually came home, yes. my second time winning 50/50 i am very honored lord kamisato sir- what did you threaten him with??????

i took him about 72+ pulls to come home but i still have my savings for husband #2, the 'feeble' scholar bc i did some exploring, so i'm very happy!

ohhhh congrats for the double 5 stars!! fingers crossed i get the same luck with al haitham... he'll be out when it's my dad's birthday so i'm going to ride on his birthday luck and bribe him with food so he'll pull al haitham for me lmao

scaranya zoomies :D he'll come home on his rerun for sure!! time to start saving heheheh "emotional attachment purposes" hsldkfjlskdf i have yet to play the archon quest interlude but i think i found a name i want to use for him!! my brother already did the quest on his account and he named him 'hokuto'. what did you name him?? :D

also shldfkjslkdjf it's BEEN SO LONGGGGGGGGG i hope you're doing well <3 <3

RIN JIE !! sorry for the long wait, aaaa. i'm so happy i finally found enough time to respond to this ask after it marinated for so long 😭

heizou going thru the window is smth we shall not speak about and i also can't believe i'm saying this so shamelessly: but i can indeed confirm that he is both a detective and a burglar because— *momentarily regrets everything* because he stole my heart a while back <3 and into the earth i shall bury myself (/j)

LOLLL if people start throwing themselves at zhongli (literally), i can see you holding in the urge to politely pry them off. it is alright, rin jie, your hubby is vv good at sidestepping people! gracefully so too! to the people: his chest isn't a practical nor traditional place to wish for mora, you'd better off robbing the northland bank instead. (/j)

I AM LIVING FOR OUR GENSHIN POTTER BRAINROT. rin jie, you are the embodiment of trying to look cool by leaning against a non-existent wall and falling— zhongli just concernedly holds out a hand like "?? are you hurt???" truly, my fav grandparents in the entire world <3 (/lh) ALSO. purely hypothetical but if we were to turn it into a series, what do you think would make a good conflict for each chara 🤔 aight, who's gonna be voldemort and why is my mind saying dottore. (/j)

AND YES, I SAW !! you won ayato and got alhaitham on 1 pity??? *wipes a dramatic tear* your unlucky era has come to a glorious end. they're finally learning from itto! and iirc, your dad is a math + physics teacher, so i can't help but imagine alhaitham harboring some level of respect for him LOLL (similarly, my respect for your dad also went 📈 because math and physics?? that deserves a wow /pos) and abt ayato coming home, there was no threat... you just have to put your best puppy eyes and tug on his sleeve. easy peasy, lemon squeezy! (/lh)

hokuto sounds so cute??? i can actually hear scara's jp va saying it in my head <3 i named him ren! ren means 'lotus' in japanese and they believe that lotus resembles rebirth, so i thought why not?? >:) but that name sounds too handsome and boyish for someone like him (/j)

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

Ayy she's good :D

Wow that's a lot o.o

Better be careful with that too, yk take it easy and stuff xd

We're gonna pan to Charlie being upset aren't we xd

Yup 😬 :((

Honeyy:(

I'm sorry but it sucks

Hey guys xd

I mean you don't have to hide it from her

Okay yeah she was xd

Aww it's nice she cares :'))

Noo nah honey don't do that-

Yeah :')

It'll still be a little weird for her lol but she wants you to be happy <33

Oop what's she gonna ask about-

Ahh that

Aww honey :'((

I mean true xD but also how could she have known lol

Ahh but yeah lol just ask what's going on

Awww honey :'((

Yeah :')) she just didn't know <33

Awww honey DD': :'((

That sucks Lim :((

I mean I know you're happy with what you've done with your life but still :'(( sucks it might've come partially from that <3

OOPE O.O I was wondering if that's actually what it was 😬😬

Ahh yeegh her mom's not dumb xdd though why were you in the closet girl lol

AWWW Lim 😭😭😭💔❤️

Oh right lol I knew about that o.o

Awww honey :'(((

That sucks honey I'm sorry DD:

Yeah :'(( <3

Aww yeah I'm glad you're okay with that Lim :')) doesn't mean you can't date if you don't want to though

Aww yeah 😭😭😭💔❤️❤️

NAURRR this is destroying me 😭😭❤️🥺🥺

AWW honeyyy :')) ❤️❤️❤️

Yeah she's there for you <33

Aww honey :'))

Oof :(

Shaun I really do think you could figure it out

Okay that's a little far xd

Wait she decided to leave as well didn't she o.o

OOPE yep 😬

Ahh nah complaint o.o

Okay I hope it wasn't about the most recent thing because that was kinda justified, but his behavior overalll? Maybe 😬

Awww that sucks 😭💔🥺

Shaun's face :(((

OOP going to Shul Asher?

Ahh giving him a ride :))

Aww yeah :(

Maybe he'll also go to something though?

Aww yeah enjoyed the conversation :))

A what

Genuinely what did he say lol

OOP

AAAHHHHHH :DDD :)))

AWWWW

AWW he's telling him too :'DD

Awwww 🥰🥰🥰

"And if he doesn't, I will" AAAHHHHHHH 😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️🥺🥰🥰🥰🥰

(bro I'm scared. I am absolutely terrified. I'm already- yk what I won't say it but. Scared y'all. Scared)

Losing my mind <333

Aww yeah mazel tov Asher 🥰🥰

Aww :')) I hope you can reconnect with that part of yourself Asher <32 if you want tk

When I tell you I'm so scared

I mean it

UH OH

W A I T

No

nO

I S W E A R

If they do

What I think

They might so

I will lose

my

mind

NOOO

ASHERR

LET HIM DIEEEE

SORRY SIR BUT ASHER

Uh oh o.o

Okay phew it's vandalism

I mean it's still awful but xd

Uhhh ohhhh

UH OH

I'm scared

I'm so scared

Also this just really freaking sucks in the first place :(( >:(( besides all my fear this is just awful

Tell them Asher >:( :'D

But also

I'm scared

Is he gonna stand with him in that regard or no

I feel like it's powerful either way tbh but I think for Asher he needs to say it

Yeah :')

OKAY NO NEED TO ANTAGONIZE O.O

ONE TYPE OF BIGOT IS ENOUGH AND MAYBE WE DON'T TELL THEM WE'RE CALLING THE COPS?

I'm so scared

It's full circle

I hate full circle

Don't do this to me

OKAY P H E W THEY'RE LEAVING 😭😭❤️❤️

Hallelujah

Still call xdd

Let's not hang up o.o xd

Like there was still a crime

DON'T TURN YOUR BACK

Terrified terrified terrified

ALSO CALL THE COPS

DO NOT

WALK BACK TO YOUR CAR

ALONE

I don't like this music

I'm about to cry

I think I know where this is going

YUP

AUUUAAAHHHHHHHH

Terrified terrified terrified

I'm sick to my stomach I'm about to start shaking

ASHERRR WALK FASTERRR

I know you notice him sir 😭

At least

If it haopens

There's epic music

HUAAAAHHH SECOND GUY

Y'all don't understand how much I'm pausing

I'm legitimately sick to my stomach oh my gosh

Please just leave it on a cliffhanger I'd refer that

HUAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

ALSO IT'S NOT FUNNY BUT I PAUSED AT THE WEIRDEST FREEZE FRAME

1 minute left

No

no

no

No

I DON'T LIKE THAT RINGING NOISE

Shakey breathing genuinely oh my gosh help

NOOO LEAVE IT AT THAAAT

Oh gosh

Oh no

They're not gonna- I mean they probably will but-

NOOOOOO THEY'RE SHOWING ME JEROME

He's gonna think Asher just didn't show up

I am so ill

Literally but not what I meant xd

NOOOOO

STOPPP IT LOOKS SO FANCY 😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔

DON'TDOITDON'TDOITDON'TDOITDON'DOIT

HE'S GONNA SHOW ME IT ISN'T HE

I MEAN I KINDA WANNA SEE IT BUT ALSO

UAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

IT ISSSSSSS

PROPOSAL CONFIRMEDDDDDDD

Normally I would be so happy but

No

Nope xd

It's such a pretty ring 😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔❤️🥺

I'm sick to my stomach my gosh

The bandaid 😭😭😭😭😭💔💔❤️

He's gonna save that band-aid forever :')))

I am. So not okay

SIRRRRR

I PROMISE HE WANTED TO SHOW UP

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

EYES OPEN MOUTH BLEEDING EYES OPEN MOUTH BLEEDING EYES OPEN MOUTH BLEEDING

THE SIRENNNNNNSSSSSSSSS HE HAS NO IDEA

I'm about to start sobbing and I mean that so seriously

Tears are IN MY EYES AND I'M ONLY NOT CRYING BECAUSE I PAUSED

NOOOOOOO 😭😭😭😭💔❤️❤️

He found him didn't he 😭😭

He did 😭😭😭😭

HE'S WHISPERING A PRAYER ISN'T HE OR FINAL RITES

NOOOOOOOOO

Sobbing

Legitimately full on sobbing

I can see tears falling

And they're just gonna make me sit with that

I'm in shock

I'm trying to be quiet because it's nearly midnight

My family is asleep

I

I can't

I'm done with this show

I'm not but. Wow

How could they do that to me

I'm gonna watch the promo and they're gonna say he's dead aren't they

Great wrote dead and the sobs are coming back xd

They're gonna confirm it

I can't take that

I'm glad we're gonna get people focusing on him but 😭. NOT BECAUSE HE FREAKING DIED

Was close to saying the f word there xd

Yk the tears are not helping my chapped lips xd

I

Sorry (no I'm not actually)

I'm hanging around on this already super long post after the episode ended

Just sitting here in silence

I can't

I'm so sorry

Idk about what xd

For him I guess

I

I'm so sorry honey :'((

And for Jerome too

I

am not okay

Gonna go watch the preview and cry my eyes out

[sailorsenshishitposter]

Khamsin x Reader

Warning for misogyny and racism in case that kind of thing bothers you even if it's just a shitpost

Khamsin

You enjoy dogs dying in jojo and were sexually attracted to G.I. Joe growing up

First Date:

You were scrolling through christian mingle when you thought that you found the perfect profile. You noticed how ripped he was and how he was a proud veteran. Your heart melted and you swiped right on your phone (is that even a thing on christian mingle?). It was decided that the two of you would meet at McDonald's.

You sat at the table for what had to be an hour (much to the employees irritation) until you noticed what you assumed was your date walk in. You waived to him and he soon came over to sit down. He must have been using an older picture because he had a beer gut and a five o' clock shadow. That was okay though because you believed that it was what's on the inside that counts.

He introduced himself as Khamsin and then loudly went on about how he used to be in the Marines until he was discharged. It seemed like that was a sour point for him so you tried to avoid it. "Do you want to order anything?" you asked, trying to change the situation. For some reason this set Khamsin off. "WHAT!? You mean to tell me that you didn't do yer one job and get a man some food! Women these days! Those towel heads may be terrorists, but at least they keep their women in line!"

You were already starting to regret this date. Khamsin went to order but noticed how long the line was. "Dang nabbit, you've got to be kidding me! I didn't give my life for this country just for you all to stand in a war vets way! What happened to respecting your elders!" His words particularly struck a nerve with the woman in front of him. "Do you mind? You're not the only one waiting here."

He then noticed this woman had a service dog. "Hey! Animals aren't allowed to be inside a restaurant! You liberals think you can do whatever ya want but that's not gonna happen while I'm around!" He then grabbed the leash out of her hand and kicked her dog. "Got dang mutt! Now get out of my sight!' He then promptly cut to the front of the line, leaving the woman and her dog stunned.

He pushed away the man who was currently ordering. "Good day. I'd like a Big Mac and a bud light." The employee knew this wasn't going to end well. "Sorry sir, we don't serve that here." Khamsin then asked for a bottle of Jack Daniels. "Sorry. We don't have that either." He slammed his fists on the table. "Then what do ya have?"

The employee promptly pointed towards the menu. "Water, milk, tea and coca cola. We don't serve alcohol here sir." Now he was angry. "HOW THE HELL IS A WAR HERO SUPPOSED TO DRINK AWAY HIS TRAUMA! I FOUGHT FOR YOUR RIGHTS YOU KNOW!" Finally the cops came. "That's him officer. He's the man who assaulted my service dog!" A second later and he was in handcuffs. "Sir, you're being arrested for animal cruelty. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law."

He knew he had lost. "I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for that meddlin' LQ-84i!" You then noticed a talking robot dog. "Good boy." You pet him behind the ears. "I am not made of flesh and thus am unable to feel the pleasure from being scratched. I however do enjoy being called a good boy." He then used his chainsaw tail to neuter Khamsin. The man died from immediate blood loss and everyone rejoiced.

[aspenmissing]

𝙿𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚘𝚖 𝚃𝚛𝚊𝚟𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚛 (𝙿𝚝 𝟸)

The siblings rush into the airport and check the Departure board.

"Right there. They're boarding in thirty minutes.”

"Okay. We still have some cards to play. We need to find a phone," Dean picks up a courtesy phone.

"Airport Services."

"Hi. Gate thirteen."

"Who are you calling, sir?

"I'm trying to contact an Amanda Walker. She's a flight attendant on the flight, um...flight 4-2-4," Dean's silent for a moment. "Come on.”

"This is Amanda Walker."

"Miss Walker. Hi, this is Dr. James Hetfield from St. Francis Memorial Hospital. We have a Karen Walker here.”

"Karen?"

"Nothing serious, just a minor car accident, but she was injured, so-"

"Wa-wait, that's impossible. I just got off the phone with her." Dean pauses.

"You what?"

"Five minutes ago. She's at her house, cramming for a final. Who is this?"

"Uh, well...there must be some mistake.”

"And how would you even know I was here?" Sam and Y/N go around Dean to try to hear what's going on. "Is this one of Vince's friends?"

"Guilty as charged."

"Wow. This is unbelievable."

"He's sorry."

"Well, you tell him to mind his own business and stay out of my life, okay?"

"Yes, but...he needs to see you tonight, so— "

"No, I'm sorry. It's too late.”

"Don't be like that. Come on. The guy's a mess. Really. It's pathetic."

"Really?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Look, I've got to go. Um...tell him to call me when I land." Amanda hangs up.

"No, no. Wait, Amanda. Amanda! Dammit! So close."

"All right, it's time for plan B. We're getting on that plane," Sam says.

"Whoa, whoa, now just hold on a second." Dean is wide-eyed.

"Dean, that plane is leaving with a hundred passengers on board, and if we're right, that plane is gonna crash.”

"I know."

"Okay. So, we're getting on the plane, we need to find that demon and exorcise it. I and Y/N will get the tickets. You get whatever you can out of the trunk. Whatever that will make it through the security. Meet us back here in five minutes," Sam says. Dean looks at him anxiously.

"I and Dean will go to the trunk, you get the tickets," Y/N says as she walks away, pulling Dean with her.

"Are you okay?" She asks.

"No, not really."

"What? What's wrong?"

"Well, I kind of have this problem with, uh..."

"Flying?"

"It's never really been an issue until now."

"You're joking right?"

"Do I look like I'm joking? Why do you think I like driving everywhere, Y/N?"

"All right. Uh, I'll get the stuff, and I and Sammy will go," Dean stops walking.

"What?"

"I and Sammy will do this one on our own," Y/N stops and turns to face Dean.

"What are you, nuts? You heard Sammy yourself, the plane's gonna crash."

"Dean, we can all do it together, or I and Sammy can do this one by ourselves. I'm not seeing a third option, here.”

"Come on! Really? Man..."

==

"Flight attendants, please cross-check doors before departure." Y/N is in the aisle seat and is anxiously reading the safety card, Dean sits in the middle, while Sam sits on the window seat.

"Just try to relax," Y/N whispers, Dean using his free hand to hold onto Y/N's arm.

"Just try to shut up," the plane takes off, with Dean jumping at every rumble and sound, making him grip Y/N's arm tighter. Sam smirks as she sighs.

==

Dean is leaning back, humming to himself. Sam and Y/N look at him.

"You're humming Metallica?" Sam questions.

"Calms me down."

"Look, man, I get you're nervous, all right? But you got to stay focused," Y/N says, smiling reassuringly.

"Okay."

"I mean, we got thirty-two minutes and counting to track this thing down, or whoever it's possessing, anyway, and perform a full-on exorcism," Sam says.

"Yeah, on a crowded plane. That's gonna be easy.”

"Just take it one step at a time, all right? Now, who is it possessing?"

"It's usually gonna be somebody with some sort of weakness, you know, a chink in the armor that the demon can worm through. Somebody with an addiction or some sort of emotional distress," Dean says.

"Well, this is Amanda's first flight after the crash. If I were her, I'd be pretty messed up.”

"Mm-hm." Y/N turns to a flight attendant "Excuse me. Are you Amanda?"

"No, I'm not."

"Oh, my mistake."

"Mm-hmm." Y/N looks to the back of the plane at Amanda.

"All right, well, that's got to be Amanda back there, so I'll go talk to her, and, uh, I'll get a read on her mental."

"What if she's already possessed?"

"There are ways to test that." Dean goes into his bag and comes out with a Virgin Mary-shaped bottle of water. "I brought holy water."

"No." Sam snatches the bottle and tucks it inside his hoodie. "I think we can go more subtle. If she's possessed, she'll flinch at the name of God.”

"Oh. Nice." Dean passes by Y/N and turns to go.

"Hey." Sam calls.

"What?" Dean replies.

"Say it in Latin.”

"I know." Dean leaves again.

"Okay. Hey!" Y/N calls.

"What?!"

"Uh, in Latin, It's "Christo"."

"Dude, I know! I'm not an idiot." Dean makes his way to the back of the plane, thumping a seat once after the plane shakes.

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your first officer speaking..." At the back of the plane, Amanda is fussing with the drink cart and napkins.

"Hi."

"Hi. Can I help you with something”?

"Oh, no. I'm just a bit of an uneasy flier. It makes me feel better to walk around a little bit.”

"Oh, it happens to the best of us.”

"Of course, you being a stewardess, I guess flying comes easy to you" Amanda laughs.

"You'd be surprised."

"Really? You're a nervous flier?"

"Yeah, maybe, a little bit."

"How is it that, being a stewardess, you're scared to fly?"

"Kind of a long story."

"Right. I'm sorry for asking.”

"It's okay."

"You ever consider other employment."

"No. Look, everybody's scared of something. I just, uh...I'm not gonna let it hold me back.”

"Huh."

"So.."

"Christo" Dean says quietly.

"I'm sorry. Did you say something?" Dean hesitates.

"Christo?"

"I-I didn't, I didn't."

"Yeah, nothing. Never mind." Dean returns to Sam and Y/N.

"Okay."

"All right, well, she's got to be the most well-adjusted person on the planet."

"You said, Christo?" Sam says.

"Yeah."

"And?" Y/N asks.

"There's no demon in her. There's no demon getting in her.”

"So, if it's on the plane, it can be anyone. Anywhere." The plane shakes.

"Come on! That can't be normal!" Dean mutters.

"Hey, hey, it's just a little turbulence," Y/N says, gripping Dean's arm.

"Guys, this plane is going to crash, okay? So, quit treating me like I'm friggin' four.”

"You need to calm down."

"Yes, you can."

"Dude, stop the touchy-feely, self-help yoga crap, it's not helping.”

"Listen, if you're panicked, you're wide open to demonic possession, so you need to calm yourself down. Right now," Dean takes a long, slow breath.

"Good," Y/N says, she begins flicking through the journal. "Now, I found an exorcism in here that I think is gonna work. The Rituale Romanum," Y/N says.

"What do we have to do?" Dean asks.

"It's two parts. The first part expels the demon from the victim's body. It makes it manifest, which makes it more powerful," Sam explains.

"More powerful?"

"Yeah."

"How?" Dean asks.

"Well, it doesn't need to possess anyone anymore. It can just wreak havoc on its own," Y/N says.

"Oh. And why is that a good thing?"

"Well, because the second part sends the bastard back to hell once and for all.”

"First things first, we got to find it," Dean walks slowly up the aisle with his EMF meter, getting odd looks but no readings. Sam suddenly claps him on the shoulder, and he jumps.

"Ah! Don't do that.”

"Anything?"

"No, nothing. How much time we got.”

"Fifteen minutes. Maybe we miss somebody.”

"You believe that?"

"Well, I will if you will." Dean looks down as the EMF meter spikes. The Copilot exits the bathroom and heads toward the cockpit.

"What? What is it?"

"Christo" The Co-pilot turns slowly to face them he turns around and his eyes are black. He then turns and goes back into the cockpit. The three looks at each other.

==

Sam, Dean, and Y/N head to the back of the plane toward Amanda.

"She's not gonna believe this."

"Twelve minutes, dude."

"Oh, hi. Flight's not too bumpy for you, I hope.”

"That's kind of what we need to talk to you about," Sam closes the curtain.

"Um, okay. What can I do for you?" Amanda asks.

"All right, look, we know you were on flight 2485," Y/N's smile disappears.

"Who are you guys?"

"Now, we've spoken to some of the other survivors. We know something brought down that plane and it wasn't a mechanical failure," Y/N says.

"We need your help because we need to stop it from happening again. Here. Now."

"I'm sorry, I—I'm very busy. I have to go back-" She tries to push past Dean but is stopped by him.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a second. I'm not gonna hurt you, okay? But listen to me, uh...The pilot in 2485, Chuck Lambert. He's dead."

"Wait. What? What, Chuck is dead?"

"He died in a plane crash. Now, that's two plane crashes in two months. That doesn't strike you as strange?" Y/N says.

"I-" Amanda is cut off from Sam.

"Look, there was something wrong with 2485. Now maybe you sensed it, maybe you didn't. But there's something wrong with this flight, too.”

"Amanda, you have to believe us" Dean pleads.

"On...on 2485, there was this man. He...had these eyes.”

"Yes. That's exactly what we're talking about.”

"I don't understand, what are you asking me to do?"

"Okay. The co-pilot, we need you to bring him back here" Dean says.

"Why? What does he have to do with anything?"

"Don't have time to explain. We just need to talk to him. Okay?"

"How am I supposed to go in the cockpit and get the co-pilot-"

"Do whatever it takes. Tell him there's something broken back here, whatever will get him out of that cockpit”.

"Do you know that I could lose my job if you-"Amanda is cut off from Dean.

"Okay, well you're gonna lose a lot more if you don't help us out" Amanda hesitates.

"Okay," Amanda leaves and goes to the cockpit. She knocks on the door and says something inaudible to the co-pilot, who follows her back. Sam and Dean pull out the holy water, and Y/N pulls out John's journal and opens it.

"Yeah, what's the problem?" Dean punches him in the face, knocking him down, and puts duct tape over his mouth.

"Wait. What are you doing? You said you were just gonna talk to him.”

"We are gonna talk to him" Dean splashes holy water on his skin, which sizzles.

"Oh, my god. What's wrong with him?"

"Look. We need you calm. We need you outside the curtain”.

"Well, I don't understand- I don't know”.

"Don't let anybody in, okay? Can you do that? Can you do that? Amanda"

"Okay. Okay," Amanda leaves.

"Hurry up Y/N. I don't know how much longer we can hold him”?

"Regna terrae, cantata Deo, satellite Domino-" The demon breaks free briefly and hits all three until Dean manages to subdue him again. Y/N picks up where she left off. The demon knocks Y/N and Dean off again and pulls the tape off his mouth. He grabs Sam by the collar.

"I know what happened to your girlfriend! She must have died screaming! Even now, she's burning!" Dean and Y/N recover, and she hits the Demon as Sam sits there, stunned. She then picks up the journal.

"Sam!" Dean shouts. Sam recovers as Y/N starts reading again. Both Sam and Dean are now pinning the Demon down. The demon then kicks Y/N, sending the journal up the aisle.

"I got him" The Demon looks to Y/N and into her eyes, its own seemingly realizing and recognizing something before it exits the Co-pilot's body and disappears into a vent "Where'd it go?"

"It's in the plane. Hurry up. We got to finish it”.

The plane suddenly dips and heaves violently. Sam struggles to retrieve the book as Dean splays himself against the exit door screaming. Y/N sits with her back to the wall, grabbing onto whatever she can to keep her stable. Sam manages to grab the book and reads the rest of the exorcism. A bright electrical charge runs through the entire plane, which then levels out. Various people ask if everyone's okay. Amanda sighs in relief. Dean and Y/N come out from behind the curtain as Sam sighs.

==

The passengers from the flight are disembarking in an area milling with uniformed agents. The Co-pilot is seated in a wheelchair with a blanket wrapped around him, being questioned by an agent.

"Sir, can you tell me what happened?"

"I don't know. I was walking through the airport, and then it all went blank. I don't even remember getting on the plane" Amanda is being questioned by another agent.

"Anything else?"

"No, that's all" She sees Sam, Dean, and Y/N standing across the way and mouths "Thank you". They nod.

"Let's get out of here" The three head for the exit. "You, okay?" Sam stops and turns.

"Dean, it knew about Jessica”.

"Sam, these things, they read minds. They lie. All right? That's all it was”.

"Yeah"

"Come on"

==

"Nobody knows what you guys did, but I do. A lot of people could have been killed" Jerry shakes their hands "Your dad's gonna be real proud.

"We'll see you around, Jerry" Y/N begins to head off.

"You know, Jerry," she says.

"Yeah"

"I meant to ask you, how did you get my cell phone number, anyway? I've only had it for like six months" Y/N says.

"Your dad gave it to me."

"I mean, I didn't exactly talk to him, but I called his number. His voice message said to give you a call. Thanks again, guys" Jerry leaves.

==

"This doesn't make any sense, man. I've called Dad's number like fifty times. It's been out of service" Y/N dials a number. As the voice message begins, she turns it so Sam and Dean can hear too.

"This is John Winchester. I can't be reached. If this is an emergency, call my daughter, Y/N. 785-555-0179. She can help" Sam fumes and gets into the car, followed by Dean and Y/N and they drive off.

[v-anrouge]

sorry, but this is what happens when you make a post ab rook hunt's feet.

You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out.

OT WAS JJST A JOKE.

[renniethedwstan]

Favourite Doctor Who episodes part two

Eleventh Doctor: *happy, excited screaming* my baby!!! Eleven is my favourite modern era Doctor, his episodes give me so much nostalgia and makes me so happy but god some of them were so sad and dark too. Thats why I loved eleven so much cause he acted all happy and childlike n shit bit he was most definitely the dark Doctor out of all of them oh so dark but he has the best quotes and dialogs especially when talking to the killer Sun! (Srs that gets me in the hearts still now and it's been a bloody decade yes I'm old) Eleventh hour is my absolute favourite episode of all time I know it's the first one but there's reasons why it's my favourite. It's based on faith, lil amelia, the sound track all sorts it's just a fantastic amazing brilliant fun episode and if I need cheering up it's always this one I put on because I just love Eleven and this episode too much (I sobbed when the Ponds got sent back in time. I was not okay at all....I mean who does that to a twelve year old kid!

Twelveth Doctor: I took a long time to warm up to this Doctor admittedly. I was upset that the sweet and childlike Doctor was gone and replaced by a grumpy old man........turns out this Doctor was also absolutely amazing! He was something else. Said it how it is was also had his funny moments and some great episodes as well (not all but some were good.) I adored Clara yes but I have ro say I think Bill was just the best I wished we had Bill longer she was just a mood! Robot of shearwood was just hilariously stupid but that's why it's my favourite. It's just Clara being allll happy and twelve being all grumpy and he's just arguing with Robin and all sorts of Chaos that amused me especially this part! (The Doctor: You’re not serious.

Robin Hood: I am many things, sir. But I am never that. Robin Hood laughs in the face of all.

The Doctor: And do people ever punch you in the face when you do that?) That made me wheeze so hard...that moment made me realise...I think I'm gonna like this Doctor.

Thirteenth Doctor: love her or hate her idc. I absolutely loved her like a lot she was like a whirlwind passing by. Very bright personality as the beginning and also fairly childlike but I'd say she was a fair amount more serious than eleven and two she also had her dark moments and I'd even say she wasn't as kind to her companions sometimes which showed a different side to the Doctor. She isn't happy she doesn't wanna talk about shit and people aren't kind to her she went through a lotta shit thirteen did and I really did think she probably had bounds of depression after timeless child. I didn't really enjoy every episodes some were better than others but still it's Doctor who I'm still going to watch the all!! I just wished Thirteen had more run time but I guess POTD kinda gave her the ending she deserves but her run should've been like POTD now that was my second favourite episode (not because she was leaving I didn't want her to go at all I absolutely sobbed and was numb) but because it was just so chaotic wacky funny high level of things always happening and the fucking master dancing to Rasputin but....my favourite episode was spy fall. I don't know why but I just really liked that episode it had the same kinda level as POTD but I did not expect O to be the master (I'm sorry but I absolutely love Dhawan master I mean I love all the masters as he's/she's my favourite villian of all times the charcter is amazing but dhawan was a whole level of unhinged that made me wanna hug him and punch him at the same time he was a scary dude okay!) (I'm still bitter and the thasmin ending)

[heavens-bookshop]

"I had chosen our names, by the way," Stede says.

Ed, who has been rather enjoying floating on the edge of wakefulness in the glow of the early Caribbean sun, burrows a little deeper into the crook under Stede's chin.

"You what?"

"I'd chosen our names," Stede repeats. "For our new life. Like you asked."

There's enough distance now between this moment right here and that night on the beach that it doesn't feel like pressing on an open wound anymore. It's been healing, though there are a few bits of shrapnel still left underneath. Stede's soft lavender-scented skin against his helps with that, though.

"Oh yeah? And who would we have been in our alternate lives in China then?"

There's a beat of silence, and then: "John and William."

Ed snorts. "John and William? Pretty sure I told you to pick something cool. Those are not cool names, Mr Bonnet."

"Well, I was going for elusiveness," Stede says, affronted. "Would you have rather been… I don't know, Robert Incognito?"

Ed's propped up on his elbow now, smiling down at the slight pout on Stede's face, the sunrise-gold of his hair, and fuck he never tires of waking up to this.

"Better," he says. "Come on, something big!"

Stede purses his lips. "Mmm… Sir George Monatgue-FitzGerald."

Ed laughs. "God that's terrible, I love it."

"Fifth Duke of Berkshire," Stede continues, smiling.

"Jesus, it got worse."

"Second Earl of Granville."

"Just awful."

"Of His Majesty's Most Honourable Privy Council."

"The fuck does that even mean?"

"...the third."

Ed buries his face into Stede's shoulder. "There's three of us? Fucking hell."

Stede plants a kiss into the crown of Ed's head. "That more along the lines of what you wanted?"

Ed lifts his head to kiss Stede on the lips, all soft and fuzzy round the edges from sleep. "Something like that," he says against Stede's mouth.

They spend the next short while like that, sleep-warm kisses in a tangle of legs and silk sheets, until Ed pulls back to look at Stede properly.

"So. What were you really thinking?"

Stede gives that stupid little half smirk he does when he thinks he's being coy.

"Ah, it's stupid."

Ed smiles and tenderly clasps one of Stede's hands between his own.

"I'm sure it is," he says. "Which is why I'm gonna need to hear it."

After a second or two of perfunctory resistance, Stede sighs.

"Edward and Gaveston."

"Edward?! Fuck, Stede, I think we were better off with John and William."

"No, not you Edward," Stede says, rolling his eyes. "King Edward. The second. It's… it's a play."

Stede is looking away now, and Ed suddenly feels like he's holding a wisp of smoke.

"Gaveston is not of noble birth, but wins the King's heart and is given titles and land and all sorts. The King's advisors aren't too happy about it and urge him to exile Gaveston. One nobleman asks him, 'why should you love him, whom the world hates so?' And Edward simply replies, 'because he loves me more than all the world.'"

The words settle achingly in Ed's chest, like a stone, and god Stede is always doing this, just saying things that flay him open and leave him for dead.

"I guess I had hoped to be that brave," Stede says, eyes shining, "to stand by the man I love."

Ed gathers him in close, breathes into the tangled mess of his hair.

"Hey it's alright," he says, and he means it, really means it. "You made it."

There's a sniffle in reply. "I suppose so."

"It's for the best really. There is no fucking way I would have called you Edward."

Stede laughs, a somewhat watery sound, and they're kissing again, bright and sweet and joyful. Soon they'll be called up on deck to give orders and make decisions - to be captains - but for now, Ed is happy to lie here in the sun, next to the man he loves more than all the world.