#like the thing that bothers me ig isnt just like “oh this isnt useful to me personally” its more like.

[p2iimon]

drawing more furry fnaf art. yknow just to keep you posted. i love posting in the tags sorry these ones got away from me

[moodr1ng]

worldbuilding tips/videos/articles will be like "this is genre-neutral! you can use this to build any world just ignore what doesnt apply :)" and then exclusively include stuff about building magic systems and fantasy elements and sci-fi tech and aliens. like thats not genre-neutral thats exclusively speculative fiction of a fairly standard variety (tropey high fantasy and sci-fi only) 😭

[bazoonga-bazinga]

watching tua s4 knowing fully how its going to disappoint me rn and something that keeps bothering me is just how awful it is that they dont show what happens during the 6 year time skip.

like in season 2 we get to see an abridged version of how everyone got to where they are. this allowed for me as viewer to at least undertsand the reasoning behind the siblings' actions and conflicts. but in season 4 there is just none of that.

instead we only get to see the after of the timeskip. Whatever bits we do hear abt the time in between are extremly limited because they are things that are told to us from biased/flawed/one-sided perspectives. I as a viewer do not get a clear idea of why any of the 8 charcters of the main cast change the way they do becuase i am never shown how this change ocurred. its more i am told things and have to accept because of the 6 year gap.

lila and diego's strained marriage is actually i think the only they showed without telling to an extent. but it still would have also been nice to see thier struggles transitioning to suburbia and would also aid me to better understand why neither of them tried to find an adequate balance in the 6 years. also like why is diego working as a delivery driver? in my mind it makes more sense for him to be a mediocre private investgator or something like that? idk just some more context behind the tension and thier decsions (especially lila dear god dont even get me started) would have been wonderful

viktor's journey to Canada and his distancing from the others sounded interesting and i would have loved to see that on screen. he clearly is unable to form long lasting intamate relationships and showing his life in the time gap would have been a great way to show his journey of accepting the loss of sissy.

allison was definitely hit hard by the lack of explanation. i understand the scheduling issues with raymond's actor but it truly was a heavy blow to season 3 allison actions when they just said he left with no other explanation. most of her conflicts in season 3 were motivated by the loss of claire and raymond and you are telling me she just lost 50% of that a year afterwards? and like this doesnt get mentioned until episode 3??

i actually enjoyed klaus's shift to a risk averse person and it did make sense to me after losing his immortality to become more aware of not only his but his loved ones mortality. the biggest glaring issue is the one everyone has talked about: the lack of dave. i think if they had shown klaus trying to find info on dave and/or even visiting his grave in the timeskip it would been fine with me that he wouldn't mention dave that much. but the dog tags being on screen and him not saying anything is actually inasne??? also it sounds like there was definitely more to his sobriety than what they have told sad that we didnt get to see that storyline....

everyone has said thier piece on how luther just mentioning sloane and then no other explanation is actually awful. like a simple flashback fo luther searching and finding sloane living a different life would have been better than them giving us nothing💀

ben i actually have nothing to say...it would have been silly to see the crypto scam ig. also an explanation of why they even showed the other ben the post credit of the s3 finale i think is warranted. like even a mention of yeah there is probably another ben who belongs to this universe walking around would have been okay ig

five oh where to even begin.... first of all how tf does a person who isnt even in thier 20s even get a gig at the cia. i know they said some bullahit abt five being a part of a relative young group/recruit (cant remember the exact wording) but like a person who is younger than 19 getting a job at the cia is a bit much. also i actually refuse to belive that five wouldn't have figured out his boss was part of the keepers there is just no way. after the handler and reggie i refuse to belive that five would lose his suspicion towards authority figures. i think the only authority figure he has ever listened to was the founder version of himself and even that took time. like if you want me to believe that bs then show me how five turned his brain into mush in the 6 year time skip. either that or show how me his loneliness in those six year because from what i have right now five worked at the cia and that is it nothing else. like from what i have been told by the show nothing else happended to him besides working. which if thier implication is that he was only working and drifted apart from his siblings that message was not clear enough to me as viewer and would have been alot clearer if i was shown such as thing.

[fictionfixations]

tamashina-mina event (aka the sunset savanna jp event)

so anyway because i cant read jp (the translated vid is in parts so thats why im posting multiple links)

leona brushes it off but

so LISTEN. The chamberlain whatever his name is isn't happy with Leona for not putting his intelligence to help the country

but when he DOES provide an idea (aka actually mining the mineral resources) its shrugged off because they're all for being with nature

so what im understanding is leona is proposing to actually make use of what the land has to, yes, make a profit, but also it could help with all loads of things? like spreading water to be a little more easily obtainable once having the funds to idk throw away money for the good of the people (i mean. they're already rich aren't they? i don't really get it but also the world runs on money. i dont know if there are any benefits to it just sitting there, or if there are cons to digging them out or not but leona seems very passionate about it.)

but so its like this then

where if its not modernized then people will just. not live modernized. and i get that ig, wanting to live with nature (well not really but i mean its all down to preference isnt it? which im not an outdoor person so uh)

maybe it'll make more sense in the EN version (whenever it comes). or maybe i need someone to dumb it down to me like im 5.

but anyway you see my point right?? Leona provides an idea (is very invested in it) that goes to the good of the kingdom (making more profit but its also like they dont have to mine ALL of it he at least just wants them to make use of it at least instead of not even touching it)

and then it gets shot down because. basically. tradition. ???

anyway heres my idea: if someone like Ruggie Bucchi can exist (i mean as in someone born in a poor environment) in the Sunset Savanna, then clearly there can still be something done to keep people healthy and in comfortable situations without compromising idk the beauty of also being able to live with nature at the same time? to help make it a bit more convenient in the process at least? (like there could be a system that brings them water, but it could still be in a well so they can still do that process by hand, there will just be more water so they dont have to worry about idk running out? i dont know how wells work but i imagine they can run out eventually)

and if anyones like 'oh but we wont make a profit' then propose ANOTHER way we can make big income. aka MINING the MINERAL resources so it could be like nothing even changed or that we might be even making more than we usually are (but also probably supervised so they cant take advantage and just i mean get rid of the entirety of it? cause. its.. important right? so some but not all.)

maybe i just dont understand this, maybe im biased towards leona who knows, but i kind of also feel like its dumb to just brush it off. and i mean who knows maybe hes proposed it many times before, maybe hes shown them so many ideas and proofs and proposals related but they mightve been flawed in some way i dont know and thats why they refuse. who knows. it just rubs me the wrong way

its also kind of related to people brushing off leona just as being lazy and stuff like that (also did you know he only failed ONE year? he joined NRC a year late) but leona isnt really doing anything to try to change peoples perceptions of him because 'thats what they think of me, why should i bother?' like people hating on him for being [something something] compared to falena so then just. takes that in and is like 'okay so people think of me this way. if thats how they view me, then whatever.' hes still very competitive and all that stuff but theres also apathy in 'people will think whatever they want of me, why should i even try to change it?' (and hes probably heard all kinds of things at a young age that really stuck with him and shaped who he was. which goes from being really hurt by it to not even caring about peoples opinions anymore. dont get me wrong it can still affect him because the part of him that got hurt by it the first time is still there but yknow)

but so then the chamberlain is like 'why dont you use your smarts for the country'

and leonas just like

THEN SAY SOMETHING TO MAKE HIM NOT SAY SUCH THINGS??? (you knew him as a kid surely you could do something) like. theres. just. such an utter lack of trying to convince him otherwise. and i guess to him it would sound so fake so he might not be convinced at all. but then if you stop trying at all then he'll think that he was right in what he thought people thought of him and wont try to correct anyone. or in fact will correct anyone if they think positively of him.

i mean theres also not wanting to say it in front of other people. but. listen. if youre afraid of what the people think then it will affect the other negatively.

like for example if you try not to do lovey-dovey stuff in public then your lover will naturally feel like youre just trying to hide them away. or that you might feel ashamed.

so if the chamberlain tries to convince him when they're in private but in public he doesnt. then you can see what kind of conclusion leona would come to, right?

its kind of a tough situation because i honestly dont know what youd do in that situation. its just. i feel like they could communicate better. that there could be things to be done and it just frustrates me.

yes he does go on to say that leona is strong

and that he believes in him basically but

it just. doesnt feel like enough. and it could definitely be on leona for also not being willing to listen so hh. and i also get the chamberlain has a lot of responsibility so he cant just be there all the time and everything hfeuishfdi

[fillinforlater]

i kinda agrer w the anon like ig the older members r fine but if u plan on writing for new jeans rhe maknae is 14/15…

A measured Response

While I think the other anon who send the initially accusation is still the one sending asks to my inbox, I also think that you are another person. I will strengthen and steel-man your concerns/argument, though it will always baffle me that y'all have these ridiculous spelling errors. Seriously, guys, at least try to type coherent messages/a literal paragraph with no mistakes.

(To those of you who do, thank you <3)

For some fucking reason I feel like I have to make this a thing. I should not, really. These accusations are baseless, I'm not the thing he wants to frame me as, so on and so on, but because I think you are genuinely kinda worried what I meant, I'll explain it to you.

(I'm not sorry if I sound condescending or anything, because I am)

It started with this ask, which basically asked me:

"Do you plan on writing NewJeans in the future?"

Now, being human and (probably) understanding English as well as context, this is what I (and probably 99% of other people with the right context) assumed this person meant:

"Do you plan on writing a fic about any of the 18+ NewJeans members in the future?"

bUt tHaT iSnT wHaT tHeY aSkEd!?

You cannot possibly reach that conclusion. Seriously, go look at literally every fic I ever wrote. Age of the idols? Ranging from 30 something down to 18, the absolute hard legal and (I guess) moral minimum, the line I don't cross.

If you go to my page or just open this weird ass tab from Tumblr (fuck Tumblr), you see stuff like "18+ Girl Group fic writer" or "No minors" or (from my Biaslists & Writelist & Requests tab) "Remember that I said most and 18+. This automatically excluded all 18- idols... I won't write those." This is easily understandable, obvious context to the message from above.

Or did you think I would just write about literal new jeans, like an review or something? No, of course not.

Oh, you can also look at my response, like... I specifically mention Hanni and Danielle, two 18+ idols, very popular, probably the two (including I guess Minji) the asker probably meant.

Now the point where I might look like an idiot if I take you seriously:

I responded to the baseless accusation with a GIF of Hanni, the focus on an easily identifiable part (her ass). The response of the accuser (still in my inbox):

"You just admitted you're a pedo"

Wrong and cringe.

Granted, you did not know this message (if you are a different person), yet you still, after seeing the Hanni GIF decided to say this. Either you are fucking stupid or this is maliciously framing me. Pick your poison.

(BTW: You are stupid because Hanni is 18. International age. Whatever the fuck Koreans use/used to use does not count, but she is also "19"/an adult there)

If you now need it black on white (or white on black), here it goes:

I'm not a pedo. I'm even against idols debuting under the age of 18.

(Why did I even bother? I dunno man, now it's out of the system)

With that said, I got some ideas for a Hanni fic (still very basic, but god, she is gorgeous and hot) and for a Danielle fic (funnily, it's not even a smut).

Everyone, have a nice day and some pretty Minji <3

[pinyeti]

overwhelming day today here's the debrief

I have two humongous final projects both worth half my grade due on Wednesday and im losing my mind AND I HAVE A PAPER DUE TOMORROW MORNING AT 8AM AND I HAV.E AMIDTERM TOMORROW AT 3.30Pn, my groups suck for both projects and THEY JUST

MY GOD

I DONT MIND DOING ALL THW WORK EXCEPT IM GENUINELY SO FUCKIN TIRED OF DOING ALL THE FUCKIN WORK ALL THE FUCKING TIME AND IM SO SICK OF IT AND IM SO FUCKIN SICK OF IT IM SO FUCIN TIRED OF DOING THIS ALL THE FUCKIN TIME

and I just

I have this friend who im kinda close too but she's curt with me sometimes and we are kinda rude to each other as a joke but she just

she's rude to me sometimes on purpose and I dont know why and I just feel like she hates me and won't tell me why and I JUST I do love her and it bothers me ig and Ive had alot of issues with this friend and every time I try to solve anything

yeah

and I am having a huge body image attack which isn't that deep but whatever and my brother wlel

he's got every mental illness on the planet and makes my life a living hell I get being mentally ill makes life difficult for you but YOU CANNOT EXPECT ME TO SEE THEM AS MORE THAN EXPLANATIONS FOR YOUR BEHAVIOUR RATHER THAN A FUCKIN EXCUSE?? IM NOT EXCUSING YOU TELLING ME YOU WANT ME T

pk

okay and then

today was another friends birthday and she was so

we made a whole birthday surprise thing for her and I went to alot of effort to do it and she just I invited her boyfriend and one of her other friend and she sprent the whole time talking to them and making it awkward for everyone else and I

she was like send pictures? and it just bothered me cuz she went out of her way to make it look like she hated them and if thats so then ill just not invite her to things??? cuz wth I do like my friends and this is really fuckin inconsiderate and we had karaoke but there was an issue with the mic and she was just

being really weird about ti and I felt kinda disrespected and she really doesnt fuckin care

and im so sick of this and

its like she just tolerates them for pictures and it was weird and idk

maybe I dont like her as much as I thought and maybe im the problem cuz I really tried to make it special for her and she just

she was just not having it and I tried so hard and I wish I didnt cuz I felt so stupid for caring about mics cuz when she left the rest of us were singing nd it wasn't awkward and clean up was fun even

and the thing with happened with the friend that was curt with me earlier she just we found out a guy we knew was spreading rumors about her sexuality ( his friend group did this to me first) so I asked her about it and she said yea that guy confessed to her and she told him she didnt like him like that but also that her and my other friend fought cuz this guy was being weird and I was BUSY BABYSITITNG MY FUCKIN GROUP AT THE TIME AND WE COULDNT PROPERLY TALK ABOUT IT so I called her when I got home and she got so weird and defensive about it like I was crazy and I just

I hate when she does this and I hate that I care about her more than she cares about me

in fact I know this is toxic as fuck and caring isnt measured on scales

bUT I HAVE THIS PROBLEM

I DO

I CARE TOO FUCKIN MUCH AND I WISH I COULD STOP AND I WISH I COULD EAT MY BRAIN UP CUZ IM SO SICK OF CARING OHMYGOD I WISH I COULD JSUT END MY FUC

OH AND

IM DOING 2 MURALS RIGHT

BUT MY IPAD CRASH LEFT ONE OHUGE FUCKIN MURAL GONE FOREVER

AND I DONT HAVE THE 720CM VERSION OF IT AND I HAVENT TOLD THEM YET AND

AND I HATE MY ART AND

I am president of a club and WE GOT OUR FUCKIN BUDGET REJECTED SO IM OUT A BUNCH OF MONEY FOR NO REASON AND IM SO SICK

I need a break

I need a break

[rzyraffek]

Hiiii!!

How would Fallout 4 Romanced companions react to young looking SS reveals her/his real age (looks like 18 y.o. But actually is 35 y.o.)?

Yeah! (Thanks for request btw)

(She/her swf)(also Google says that almost all companions are around 30 or 25)

Paladin Danse:"I cant belive such young soldier was able to do so many good things for brotherhood" Sole tell him shes like 30 "oh I I mean you look young?ee?I mean good for you? I mean you look good I-" He will be super akward but it kinda makes him feel better that she is a little older because he is 30himself and he felt litte werid having crush on 18year old Sole( yeah it would make her almost twice his age). Now that he knows that shes around his age he wont feel weird and probably be more open. Also if Sole is insecure about her age he will tell her that shes amazing soldier AND person so no need to worry

Nick:simiar to Danse tbh. Nick is very old guy, if Sole tell him that shes like 35 he will probably Look like😳(in good way)

Deacon: "woah babe you age like wine"💀he will relate, again he himself is like 40 and he looks not bad. Also He probably already knew before Sole even find railroad. He wonders if every person from before the war never aged and looked young for most of lifes lol. But ig Sole Just got lucky. He will make jokes that the freezer she been locked in for 200years just was very good for her skin

MacCready:"even better", he gives off milf hunter vibes im sorry, i feel like hes even more atracted to her than before. If shes insecure about her age he will be confused?"honey you look amazing what you mean?"

Preston: "aw babe its alright^v^ you still the best btw" he is our wholesome king okay he will say a lot of nice anc supportive things to Sole. Hes kinda jelous that she looks younger at him even if hes the younger one.

Gage:"eh okay boss, i mean sure i dont care" he doesnt care, as far as she loves him back He does not give a fuck (I mean he is a bandit raider idk what yall expected) Also He still thinks that Sole is the hottest in whole nukacola world, and she doesnt have to worry about anyone getting his attencion.

Manson:"even better😈" he is weird, he will coment on it and say very unexpected stuff(im sure he will say something along the lines 'older women=better women because their bodies are more adapted to having kids???He is weird asf) But nothing will change really he will Just get a little weirder, but nothing out of ordinary(for him atleast)

X6-88:"so my calculations were correct" before Sole told him he was very confused, she looks 18?? And she was in frigde for 200years? And her son is 80?? Kinda confusing if you ask me. So he probably used his super hiper advanced robo-brain to calculate how old is she. When Sole told him, it didnt really bother him, age isnt something that he really cares about.

Please i beg for more requests my life is rather boring

[meowsticmarvels]

hello mcsm community. this is a repost of a long ass twitter thread i made so i apologize in advance if its formatted weird (and sort of disorganized). but heres some of my Thoughts and analysis on radar. i have much more to say than just this of course but HERE WE GO! radar insaneposting tumblr edition. long post incoming (i worked very hard on this)

ANYWAYS!

- he idolizes the new order and puts them on a pedestal above himself a bit. i mean from some dialogue it's clear he doesn't have the highest opinion of himself but he treats the new order smiliarly to how they felt about the old order in thw wither storm arc

- i have mentioned this several times but the "prison radar" thing definitely comes across to me as him trying to overcompensate (and mimic those he sees as "strong" like petra and jack) sort of. like if you contextualise it with how a lot of the characters called him weak an episode prior and it definitely seemed to have an impact on him its like. yeah. especially being thrown into a situation like w/ the sunshine institute and the whole iron breathtaker thing that has Got to fuck you up. idk i jusy see a lot of people take that at face value like "oh look he's being silly" when it comes across to me as more like insecurity ig?

- hes so autism its unreal

but yeah the whole thing kinda fucks him up

ig the only thing thay kinda bothers me is that arc doesnt feel finished. and also jesse can ENCOURAGW him to act like someone hes not??? OH AND. id like to point out this thing also involves him trying to break his own strict patterns which is p interesting to me. by this i mean the "disregard my bedtime! break whatever rules I feel like! within reason!" he seems to feel that in order to become stronf he has to be like. less caring of the rules w/e but the "within reason" line and the fact that he dislikes things being disorganized still is like. he doesnt Want to act like this. he doesnt seem to like thag but he feels iys the only way he can be strong and adapt to such a lifethreatening situation (to act like someone he clearly isnt)

another point id like to make is his relationship with Stella. it isnt really explored past this one scene in episode 2 of s2 but god there's a lot to unpack here

"you'll never change" - has stella... always been like this?  even when radar worked under her (which HAS to be at least a year before s2 bc apparently he's been working for jesse for about a year)

 also she calls him a "quitter" which. 1. has a negative connotation meaning that she Does Not Approve of him leaving 2. implies he quit of his own accord. this isn't normal former boss/former employee interaction though something definitely happened. like theyre both Weirdly Hostile and this is never brought up again....... ehat happened.

also "he doesn't even know how to use a sword" this part stuck out to me but Considering this thing i noticed a few months ago about how the mcsm world is very. survival oriented and people who can slay powerful monsters (i.e. old order) are looked at with high respect. so basically she's calling him weak here which is. Huh. also "you don't know anything" girl what happened.... why does radar feel he has to prove himself like that...

"id be careful about counting on him for anything" what did she mean by this. did radar fuck up in some way unintentionally and it pissed stella off or something??? because something clearly happened and im very sad this is never explored further bc this is a fucking interesting plot point.

also. the last image...... this is so fucking interesting regarding radar as a character because it does actually provide context for the whole prison radar thing. like holy shit this says a lot. the first line kinda shows his insecurity already. he's aware people don't believe in him and think he's weak and a coward, but he's going to try anyway. he feels he has to prove himself kinda.. like "you'll see! i can do it watch!" and considering his behavior in this episode it shows. he's overcompensating for that fear and trying to prove that he can be enough to make a difference. especially shown by how he reacts when "Vos" tells him he's not up for the task. he's trying, it isn't enough, so he decides to mimic his heroes and pretend to be someone he isn't (which... unfortunately half the cast doesn't take seriously)

the second line proves my points more. "im not the person she thinks i am anymore" raises a lot of questions on what happened ofc but there's also the "I can be different. Braver. If that's what the situation requires... I'll do it." and guess what! he *does* do that! a combination of pressure from people telling him that he can't do it and he'd just get hurt in the process and is too weak and cowardly to really do much + the stress of the situations he's thrust into seems to sort of catalyze his decision to put on the "prison radar" persona and pretend to mimic his heroes and act strong to not only make a difference and mean something but also to survive The Horrors . but he doesn't want to do this, that isn't who he is as a person, moreso what he feels he has to do. also thinking of pne line where he says something abojt the "incredible misery in the world crushing down on you". like this is a random throwaway line?? clearly the entire situation of s2 is Getting to him but he never really gets to Express that

now ofc like i mentioned this arc is in no way perfect. it's fucking interesting but it feels unresolved and forgotten by episode 5 along with the other characters completely ignoring the fact that that isn't who he is along with jesse even praising that in some dialogue options. like the writing of this kinda confuses me because everything radar says and feels up to that point implies that it's a façade built to be what others want him to be and as a stress response but some later things kinda treat the way he acts as a Good Thing and like ???? like i get it if they wanted to do the "being more courageous" arc sure. fine. but this doesn't seem like it was simply written as that. he does Not usually act like how he does during the "prison radar" thing and its just never addressed. which fucks me up bc this is personally one of my favorite character arcs of mcsm due to how complicated and insane it is + hes one of my favorite characters ever and i relate to his issues a lot but instead thw writings kinda ????? but yeah. its always bothered me really but to be Fair mcsm was hit by a lot of budget cuts that affected the plot like dont even get me started on the scrapped assistant to the warden who sesms to be meant to be the antithesis to radar kind of... and im p sure some episodes had different writers. so yeah this sucks but it isnt gonna piss me off that bad I just wish his arc was handled a bit differently. might potentially write something or w/e about this but anyways if you read this entire thread 1. you're insane 2. we do a little trolling. follow me mcsm truthers

original tweet thread here: https://twitter.com/rival_trevor/status/1659130820999753730?s=20

[b0mblover]

j rants abt dead loptson as usual because he cannot be bothered to keep the thoughts to himself

ok so FIRST OF ALL

i think im gonna start just calling this ‘loptson hawaii: part ii’ BECAUSE ITS ESSENTIALLY WHAT IM MAKINGGG 😭😭

second of all, funny thing, im /planning/ on drawing lopt playing piano and mason playing violin because in hawaii part ii its the instruments i noticed specifically (i swear it makes sense) but uh.

brain rot j made a fucking omori joke and now i cannot get it out of my head 😭

the only difference is that mason is getting killed but doesnt play piano (oh ig omori spoilers but its 2024. even if you havent played it you probably already know)

uggrbfnd fuck im not even kidding i swear. those maps i made im using for this project J PLEASE QUIT DOING THIS TO ME WHY DO YOU HATE ME. THIS IS SUCH A BG ASS PROJECT. YOU CANT EVEN PROPERLY FINISH A SMALL WRITING THING. WHY DO YOU THINK YOU CAN DO THIS SHIT (talking ti myself somewheee thats not main sorry)

im sorry but uh. look. unironically, guchiry characters playing instruments have been actually rotting my mind for literally years 😭 trust me i dont even know how i dont have a list. i just associate them in my mind and remember it.

CHOKES sorry yeesh!

i actually made three maps but uh, i think only one will get used in this project (if i ever finish it that is) bc i havent even named the other two! i might just use them for idk. aesthetics in my room or smth idk.

jesus i have so many ideas i need to quit this is excalty how burn out happens but i cant help itttt

hggvfddnsn i the brainrot so much

currently (like as im writing this) im working on i uh- drawing smth rather reveling(?) like uh. it isnt -sexual- in like the slighest but is???? idk look. i really need to practice/actual/ anatomy 😭😭 it sucks bc like. man its akward as hell bc im essentially drawing lopt with no clothes on but i feel like i kinda gotta??

(i really wanna have smth to laugh at when i get older alr)

ANYWAYS the point was that i cant figure out if i should render it or just leave it at line art.

christ im rambling again fuck.

back to the topic (yes im leaving that in)

i should absolutely end masons life in the most guresome and blood curdling way possible! 😍🥰 /j

but srsly. maritime forest. you are having BLOOD on your trees 🥰 (look it up. that isnt the /name/ of it its just a descriptor)

man. these names are kinda. weird ish tho.

aphelion, periciel, vacant beach 3- (last is a joke)

ahhbrbdns but srsly naming this shit is hardddd bc following real world naming (at least acordding to google) is such a pain, like uh, (from what i remember) it usually is either a feature of the place, named after someone, and a third thing that i cannot remember rn.

(funfact, im 99% sure periciel isnt a real word! peri acordding to google means about and ciel means sky in french apparently, yea. about sky. aphelion((heres the google def bc im not explaing this))

“the point in the orbit of a planet, asteroid, or comet at which it is furthest from the sun."

(SO! uh yea. if you were wondering how i came up with the names ig. oh yea funny thing. the thing about periciel. i actually looked up peri bc in puyo puyo tetris 2 (im being dead srs rn i wish i was kidding) in a call out line schezo says “parry” but i thought it was “peri” so yada yada boom. this shit is unnecessary complicated but uh. thats my entire existence! so)

man i have SO much to do. i think im gonna attempt to draw bread sheeran. well actually scratch that. i have a week to do that, i was working on uh. nonsexual lopt before i went outside and got brainrotted to death, so ill probably work on that, or start the other drawing (i really REALLY wanna draw mason playing violin. i actually dont even know that in white ball violin is the main instrument. i just think it is 😭😭) hggggbbhh well! im gonna go suffer now. thanks to like the 2 ppl that read this in full. im sorry for your eyes!

[bittwitchy]

i’m gonna be a thousand percent real w you guys for a min, its gonna be under a read more, and it revolves around fears and pains and scary medical things and g/ov3r/nm3nt bullshit and stuff which is uhhh destroying me mentally and physically ig ahahahhaa

so like as some ppl know, when i was leaving work late nov/early dec of 22, i fell and injured my ‘leg’, it was a few days before i turned 26 and i couldnt get a doc appt in time w a real doc, and ofc bc i was on the male parentals insurance and it was based out of texas despite US being in california, i got completely fucked over bc they didnt want ro cover shit and i had to argue with them til almost the very end of december or so just to see a nurse practitioner who didnt know wtf she was gonna do, and refused to listen to me when i said i was not going to have insurance in a week. i cannot afford any expansive anything right now and anything that i have to do needed to be done before the end of december. all she said was ‘i hope you get better then, but they will call you when they feel like it.’

its been over a year, im still not better, because i was not clocked in at the time, and was injured in the parking lot, hr already said they wont cover it. even if i was only at that location (not my home location) for them, i was not clocked in and therefore they hold no responsibility, and the parking lot had no cameras anyways. its all just word of mouth so. i got fucked there too. C/alo/ptima has been fujcing useless and wont even send me my new insurance card so i can get a new regular pcp who will refill even just my fucking inhaler because the guy they gave me refused to even refill that.

now, when ive gotten the leg scans, they cant find anything. they dont know whats wrong. ‘oh youre just fat, lose weight and you’ll be fine.’

breathing shots pain into my leg. and the pains been spreading. ive been getting a little bit of weird treatment at work despite dlat out ignoring and pushing through my pain to please people and that wasnt even enough because i still got some pretty weird ass treatment from some ppl in management despite the fact im not choosing this, and ignoring it makes everything worse.

and ive been trying to push through and ignore it and hope it heels, because the medical system isnt going to help me, neither is the company, and i live in california. i really just cant afford the medical system here anyways.

i think when i fell, it clipped a nerve into my spine, because for those unaware im that special brand of au/tistic who can tell you the exact point of origin of my pain. from tooth pain to headaches to even searing body aches, i can tell you where it starts and where it ends. but i also have a massive pain tolerance (ive had 8 root canals and local anesthesia doesnt work on me thanks to adhd, i can and have had 9 bottles injected in and nothing happened, so i just dont use it and ignore the horrendous fucking pain of your nerves being killed because i dont want to bother anyone. THAT is my pain tolerance level, and i cant tolerate this.)

the pain is spreading to both of my legs, and when i ignore it i end up toppling over. i used to be a hula dancer, professional as a kid, still for rec until i got hurt. i cant do it anymore. i can barely walk. when i force myself into events and shit that requires walking, it feels like my entire body is being crushed the next day, and during the actual day of doing but thats obvious.

i dont know how to take it anymore, nothing is helping, no one is helping me, and even people who try to help me its like the system is working for them despite refusing to work for me. i really well and truly dont know what to do about this anymore. the pain from my spine isnt only in that leg now, its in both legs and keeps creeping to my arms. im obviously not gonna get help from the company, and even talking to a lawyer its a fucking long shot that i could get anything done from them at all since the parking lot didnt have cameras. i already have eds, and this has been setting off the issues relating to it even more. i was meant to get tested for pots before i lost insurance back then, but new doctor doesnt believe women can experience pain at all, and are lying for attention if they admit to it.

breathing is fucking painful, and i dont know what to do. i can just keep doing what im doing and ignoring my pain and pushing through to please everyone because its not like the system helps, but the system is working for others and when i do what they recommend i do it not only still doesnt work for me, but i get threats from it. i dont know if its because im autistic or not, indont know why it works for others and not for me, i dont understand and when i try to get answers all people say is ‘just push through’ but im trying and its making everything worse and im breaking my body more and more by just pushing through and indont want to get kicked off of c/alo/ptima for bothering them too much by not getting answers despite my efforts because i did get threatened and incant afford $250-500 monthly fees from my state if i dont have insurance. $250 is more than i earn a week. jts not like im getting hours at work. and i really just am so fucking broken and tired and confused and done i dont know what to do and im tired of being in pain. i just want the pain to go away. i dont want to cry anymore. i dont want to be confused and scared and alone anymore. its like everythings collapsing down and i dont know what to do.

and to top it all off, the skin welts and lesions that my old doctor was so terrified of me having are back. theyre a symbolism of my white blood cell count, and last time i got them he had me get blood tests every few months because he was worried about my developing leukemia. and everytime it got too high he gave me something to try snd prevent it, and ultimately i was ‘almost there but narrowly escaped’, and i dont know how im supposed to just keep pushing and keep living and keep going it that happens too. especially when incant afford a blood test right now. i dont know what im doing or who i am anymore and its destroying every semblance of who i am that i had left, and i just want to make everyone happy but im not happy. im not happy snd im not getting help snd i feel so defeated and indont understand how other people can argue andnits fine but i do it and i get threatened or retaliated against.

indont understand how if i do whats recommended im misbehaving and being wrong but others can do what they want. its like im a kid again but instrad of being beaten im just getting fucked over medically even more snd my body gets to further destroy itself and i dont know whay the fuck left there is to do. its like everythings collapsing down on me, jm not getting the samw care or treatment others get, and i dont think im going to because i cant keep fighting a system thats going to only verbally threaten me because they wont respond to emails. i cant use recorded conversations in court here. im scared and im tired and im in constant pain and had to beg my old doctor to send an inhaler refill without my seeing him because the new one wouldnt and my lungs were giving out. i dont want to die but it feels like its heading rhat way whether i want to or not because nothing and nobody will help me and when they try they get mad at me for ‘not trying harder’ but im doijt everythint they say and more and its nothing. nothings coming crom it but my suffering. but if i say its not my fault its ‘making excuses’ and injust cant keep doing this anymore. im so tired, and im in so much pain, and indont know what to do.

[just-some-random-blogger]

good morning/day/evening, lovie! ig ive just burst (into tears) from the amount of love i felt to this gif. 'when its day FOR YOU' its 2:19 and ive had some drinks w/friends. yeah, we have fem, masc and neuter gender words. and it usually depends on the nouns gender its paired with. and the nouns gender depends on logic (like a girl is fem while in german girl is neuter) or just feelings nothing (night is fem). 'i typed my love actually so thats on google translate' 1)i figured you typed my love bc youd used it already 2) we say google translate sucks 3) musc is the main form of an adjective on its own so no wonder its translated like this. 'but theres no rap here?' idk TT i just love this speaking(?) part, we call it recitative but im not sure. theres one song that describes my taste in the best way possible. milyy (darling/honey). it has no eng subs (all the translations ive found are ugly) and it doesnt matter, just listen to the way it sounds and the music. i have no idea why theres a child in the vid bc?? ok the chorus literally sounds like 'Guess what ive been doing when you werent here? I was meeting my ex-lover. He promised me to show his new apartment And to try out his windowsills. And i put on my red gloves Despite him begging for stockings. Do you know, honey? (x2) Do yk what ive been doing while you were gone?' it doesnt really imply sex BUT it does have mentions of alcohol and the whole vibe isnt childish at all... but ok i love the song. 'you’ve made me like her again' a fanfact! i have such halseys last album (where those songs are from) vibes from all hotd fics. maybe all this royal aesthetic affects me like this. 'which is what her name is an anagram of' OMG fhsjd i never thought abt it! ig its not really a problem you couldnt read it as halsey. if it doesnt bother you too much, then its fine. your writings are still good shjs. and youre still big brained. 'thank you for reviving my interest in halsey' my pleasure<з you can take all the time universe gives us! yeah i put notifs but the main point is i dont have notifs in general HFJFKDH the sound is ALWAYS off so... my mom gets mad at me frequently and noone can contact me whenever they want. 'AND I LOVE THE SONG SO MUCH' IM SO GLAD. its so beautifel and also meaningful like the cartoon itself! i used to love su sm TT 'my child' meow meow, catmom. 'dont be so ok with it' well mindset ig. 'i cant even read the russian symbols' AHAHS IM SORRY i forgot to type a latinised version. its zapekanka. k is k its a simple one. and a is a. and з is z, i usually use it for <з. and yeah!! youre so right with p! what a big brain! 'she’s literally just a plot device without too much depth used for nada' oh its sad( actually its like 90% of russian classic literature and thats why i usually end up hating fem characters. or theyre just too... sweet and naive and all. i dislike all people with this type of character and its not my fault its 8/10 times women (in lit). i love characters that are interesting to me and it doesnt depend on the gender. ig im frequently seen as a sexist/homophobic just bc im judgemental... yeah not the best trait but i dont choose whos the one im going to hate based on THESE facts. yeah your face can annoy me, your voice can sound too pitchy for my liking or i just dont like your vibes BUT not bc youre a woman/man/gay or smth else. and MORE SO when you have a reason to dont like a person? it doesnt matter whos it. 'WHYYYYY>?' well i dont know ANY of them closely and im still judgemental. 'YOU GOT A MR WORLDWIFE TOO' YEah! pushkin is some kind of a literature hero here? well hes done a lot of things for it and the language and hes been a brilliant writer (hes called genius in schools). but he was SUCH a worldwife. hes written that he had more than 100 women. but he did have a wife closer to the end of his life. he also had a footfetish and put it in his most famous novel.. 'you keep saying cunning spain' well i like this image. meowmeow im glad you find it cute meowmeow. ig its all for the part 1 bc its already long. see you soon, my love<з

this is how my cat greats me sometimes T_T i miss my jinjin T_T MEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW T_T

ig ive just burst (into tears) from the amount of love i felt to this gif.

<3 <3 <3 thats great. idk if ive told you already, i feel like i have, but my teacher says its good to cry 2 a week to flush out the dirt from your eyes. on another note, i was chopping onions for my grandma this morning and i CRIED SO BAD IT HURT LASFHLKASHFKLHASFASH

'when its day FOR YOU' its 2:19 and ive had some drinks w/friends.

you went drinking!!!???? omg i hope you were responsible with it. i only recently tried drinking when it was my best friend's birthday. i want to try it again because being drunk is so fascinating but also i cant do that because T_T i would die on my way home

yeah, we have fem, masc and neuter gender words. and it usually depends on the nouns gender its paired with. and the nouns gender depends on logic (like a girl is fem while in german girl is neuter) or just feelings nothing (night is fem).

in german girl is neuter ???? ok then. i dont understand enough about fem/masc words cos filipino is neutral everything we just have siya which is he/she/it everything lolol HAHAHAHAHAH

'i typed my love actually so thats on google translate' 1)i figured you typed my love bc youd used it already 2) we say google translate sucks 3) musc is the main form of an adjective on its own so no wonder its translated like this.

#1 big brained for that #2 she trying google on her last brain cell T_T #3 makes sense. boo men 👎

'but theres no rap here?' idk TT i just love this speaking(?) part, we call it recitative but im not sure.

i see. thats nice to know. i figured that with all the music you sent me. i personally dont like it. i guess you like spoken poetry with background.

theres one song that describes my taste in the best way possible. milyy (darling/honey). it has no eng subs (all the translations ive found are ugly)

HAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHAAHA I FELT THE UGLY TRANSLATIONS HAHAHHAAHAHAHAHA i love the kitties and the cutie bb girl <3 if i had to guess what i means based on the song and the video, is it about wanting to growing up and like expectations as an adult? like 'i cant wait to be an adult' but also be careful what you ask for?

and it doesnt matter, just listen to the way it sounds and the music. i have no idea why theres a child in the vid bc?? ok the chorus literally sounds like 'Guess what ive been doing when you werent here? I was meeting my ex-lover. He promised me to show his new apartment And to try out his windowsills. And i put on my red gloves Despite him begging for stockings. Do you know, honey? (x2) Do yk what ive been doing while you were gone?' it doesnt really imply sex BUT it does have mentions of alcohol and the whole vibe isnt childish at all... but ok i love the song.

[jaw on the floor] my gosh boy was i wrong T_T WTF WHY IS THERE A CHILD HERE HELP T_T WHEN I TELL YOU MY JAW DROPPED AFTER READING THIS I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE SUCH A BIG BRAIN MOMENT FOR ME IM SO 💀💀💀💀

'you’ve made me like her again' a fanfact! i have such halseys last album (where those songs are from) vibes from all hotd fics. maybe all this royal aesthetic affects me like this.

interesting to know. i mean i think each of our experience affect us as a person so it goes both ways.

'which is what her name is an anagram of' OMG fhsjd i never thought abt it! ig its not really a problem you couldnt read it as halsey. if it doesnt bother you too much, then its fine. your writings are still good shjs. and youre still big brained. 'thank you for reviving my interest in halsey' my pleasure<з

nah it bothered me so much my brain was so frustrated i hated seeing her and her name because i kept reading it wrong. i read her as hasley in my head for a long time even though i knew it was wrong then i only shut up my brain by reading at loud and suddenly the world was silent again lashflashflasf and i wasn't bothered by her name anymore

this was the era of halsey that i could not pronounce HAHHAH

you can take all the time universe gives us! yeah i put notifs but the main point is i dont have notifs in general HFJFKDH the sound is ALWAYS off so... my mom gets mad at me frequently and noone can contact me whenever they want.

thank you i need all the time in the world cos school T_T. also ur so me fr tbh i personally dont care about notifs even though its on i just ignore everyone T_T HAHAHHA

'AND I LOVE THE SONG SO MUCH' IM SO GLAD. its so beautifel and also meaningful like the cartoon itself! i used to love su sm TT

ive heard it on tiktok before and i wondered where it was from so thank you for that <3 i love the cartoon too but i never got to watch it play out, you know, like on tv theyd play the episodes out of order and i just ??? yeah i never even learned about stevens mom whats up with her

'my child' meow meow, catmom.

<3

'dont be so ok with it' well mindset ig.

DONT BE SO OK WITH IT

'i cant even read the russian symbols' AHAHS IM SORRY i forgot to type a latinised version. its zapekanka.

slay zapekanka

k is k its a simple one.

IT IS WOW I THOUGHT IT WASNT MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE actually idk when i started telling myself it wasnt a k lol HAHAH

and a is a. and з is z, i usually use it for <з. and yeah!! youre so right with p! what a big brain!

purr thank you for the brief lesson <3

'she’s literally just a plot device without too much depth used for nada' oh its sad( actually its like 90% of russian classic literature and thats why i usually end up hating fem characters. or theyre just too... sweet and naive and all. i dislike all people with this type of character and its not my fault its 8/10 times women (in lit).

SAME I HATE IT WHEN WOMEN ARE STUPID LIKE SIR HAVE YOU MET A WOMAN? AND HAVE YOU MET A man (derogatory) russian literature L for that 😞🍅thats why i like making my fem characters chew their male interests. feminism.

i love characters that are interesting to me and it doesnt depend on the gender. ig im frequently seen as a sexist/homophobic just bc im judgemental... yeah not the best trait but i dont choose whos the one im going to hate based on THESE facts.

T_T i think ur just judgy T_T your ire has no boundaries T_T HELP T_T you should maybe work on that ? but i totally get not liking weak characters

yeah your face can annoy me, your voice can sound too pitchy for my liking or i just dont like your vibes BUT not bc youre a woman/man/gay or smth else. and MORE SO when you have a reason to dont like a person? it doesnt matter whos it.

T_T 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀like i said, your ire knows no bounds

'WHYYYYY>?' well i dont know ANY of them closely and im still judgemental.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 HELP T_T

'YOU GOT A MR WORLDWIFE TOO' YEah! pushkin is some kind of a literature hero here? well hes done a lot of things for it and the language and hes been a brilliant writer (hes called genius in schools). but he was SUCH a worldwife. hes written that he had more than 100 women. but he did have a wife closer to the end of his life. he also had a footfetish and put it in his most famous novel..

HE HAD A WHAT NOW actually i dont want to know more about his footfetish, you do you boo. BUT OMG he like rizal for real, although yeah he didnt get married he just 💀 then never had a wife cos he just 👻 but idk if his lovers reached 100 💀💀💀💀💀💀

'you keep saying cunning spain' well i like this image. meowmeow im glad you find it cute meowmeow.

T_T MEOW MEOW

ig its all for the part 1 bc its already long. see you soon, my love<з

YEs yes p2 <3

xxx

[mod-casey]

HOW HE'D MEET YOU ! arataki itto x male reader

notes: reader is a dude bcuz im a gay man that likes itto and theres not enough male readers so fuck u ill do it myself ig 😈 also this isnt proof read, eng isnt my first language, and i did this in like 2 hours pls dont kill me lmao 💀 OH AND THIS ISNT A STORY, ITS A STORY IN HEADCANON FORM 😭 i legitimately suck at writing stories in story form so have this half assed thing instead 😓

warnings: cursing, blood, injuries & violence. (but its all very brief, not detailed, and not severe so dw)

arataki itto doesnt actually have a label for himself. hes never felt the need to do so, he just likes who he likes without much of a reason. if someone were to ask him which way he swings, he says: "i swing whichever way the wind will blow me to!"

you guys met through pure chance, and it was super cliche. as you were walking through the bustling streets of inazuma city after the disbanding of the vision hunt decree. he was also nearby, competing with the local children again.

after losing for the tenth time to the same child, he makes a loud groaning noise, which caught your attention (and the attention of everyone in a ten mile radius). while everyone else was looking at him with dislike, you were staring in pure interest, which he noticed.

his eyes widen as he looked at you. there was no way someone being so beautiful was legal, was there? he stared, and stared, and stared and st- "MISTER ITTO! HELLOOOO??"

one of the kids yelled, an annoyed look on his face as he just watched him stare at you for a good few seconds. itto finally snapped out of his trance, with a very clear blush on his face that he poorly tried to hide.

"oh uh- my bad, kid! was just a little tired- kind of spaced off for a little bit- but hey! im back on my A game, so lets go at it again!" he held out his closed fist, offering to play another round of rock, paper, scissors. the child bregudgingly accepted, knowing how this was going to end.

itto was hoping that he would win this time, specifically to impress the cute guy that was behind him. "rock, paper, scissors, shoot-!" the kid and itto chanted synanoumously, then revealed which of the three choices they picked at the shout of the last word.

itto held out a rock, and the young boy choose a paper. "DARN IT!" the oni yelled, once again catching the attention of everyone nearby. an adult all of a sudden snapped at him, condescendingly telling hin to stop bothering everyone, including the local kids.

"...did you really have to go and fight him?" you spoke as you patched up his wounds, caused by the tenryou commission trying to calm down the quirrel between the adult and itto. after they confronted the claymore user, he instantly started escalating the fight, straight up insulting them.

"well yeah! if they dare want to challenge arataki "the favorite of the kids" itto, then im gonna give 'em an ass whop- OW!" he winces as you dabble some alcohol solution to his face wound, caused by one of the tenryou guards punching him pretty hard.

"stop being a big baby, i've heard the stories of you and your adventures, you'll be fine." you spoke as you examined his wound, throwing away the cotton ball you used to clean his injuries, placing it on the top of the small bundle of blood red cotton balls next to you.

"yikes, thats probably gonna leave a bruise in the morning." you took a sharp breath in from sympathy for him, knowing its gonna hurt for awhile. "man, that sucks. i sleep on that side!" a small pout was put on his face as he complained. "don't worry, its not that bad, just some bruising and a bit of blood. it won't take that long to heal."

after a bit more checking, cleaning and bandaging, you finally stood up to stretch, while itto went to check out what he looked like with all the gauzes around most his wounds. "hm! i kinda like it." itto adjusted his hair a little while looking into his reflection, noticing a few hairs out of place. "kinda gives me the "badass, fighter boy" vibe."

after a long yawn, you looked at him to see what he was talking about. "woah- yeah you're kinda right." you nodded at the sight of your hard work. "right? anyways- sorry that you had to be the one to patch me up. my gang usually does it, but i gave the boys the day to rest since we didn't have anything to do today. my bad!" he gives a little nervous chuckle, shrugging his shoulders.

you smiled at him. "its fine, i don't really mind. i have some experience from needing to heal the other people in my adventure team, so its best i did it." a look of shock was suddenly on the other mans face. "woah- you have an adventure team?" "yup, we do alot of stuff all around teyvat. commissions, important bounties, peoples requests, all that stuff." "cool! if you ever need any help with missions, call my gang up! consider it compensation for the healing." he gave you a cheesy wink, which did make you laugh a bit.

"ill consider it, itto." was all you said, before you realize that your team was probably waiting for you, which made you quickly gather up your (somewhat) used first aid kit. you bid adieu to the oni very quickly, not even waiting for a response before heading back off to inazuma city to find your teammates.

"see you around, pretty boy!" he shouted while he watched you run away from his prephiral vision. it made him a little upset to know he couldn't banter with you anymore, but he knew that he would see you soon.

itto also starts to pack up his things, and head home to the camp his gang was staying at. he was excited to tell them about you, but after a bit of thinking, the oni decided to hold off on it for a little. when he sees you again, he'll definitely be sure to get you as a new recruit for the gang, and introduce you to them by then.

[salvatoreren]

Alright...

Chapter 127 is one of my favorite chapters in War For Paradis, so seeing it animated made me really happy

first of all that baby was cute that's it

tbh I wished Hange had raised their voice even more to convey more emotion as shown in the manga, because of the expression lines and all but It's good

Seeing the old scouts get animated in MAPPA also was cool, like i said in my last post abt the previous episode, Im not even an erwin stan but damn he looked good, have you also seen Miche/Mike? Whoo!

Bro Marco in MAPPA made me feel things, I love my boy so much even tho i make a lot of half jokes-

This episode made me sympathize with Jean a lot, which i did not honestly expect, he became my favorite character in a span of 24 minutes, seriously tho, he's honestly relatable in terms of realism

Gabi and Reiner's face when Magath tells them the sufferings of The Island devils isnt compared to what Marley has experienced, like wow it says so much fr it does

Mikasa and Annie facing off each other, god i love that annie shot with her blade

And Yelena? My god don't even get me started, Just like Jean I'm like wow this person speaks so much facts, and i was just cheering her on while she told the crimes of every single one of them like go on queen

oh and let's not forget about the expression Annie and Reiner make when she mentions Marco, pure, just pure satisfaction, Marco's death was one of the most cruelest things that happened, i haven't quite gotten over the unfairness of his death so yeah, but is it just me or do Annie and Reiner look more remorseful than in the manga when telling about his death,

Those shots, those weird branch shots i like them honestly, if i overanalyze it like i always do i'd say its like showing a shot of the paths so there's that

jean beating up Reiner, i swear guys i like reiner

Hange just being Hange, gosh they were so great this episode, their face when Reiner mentions about his split personality, them saying how no one was their to witness the past and to tell them to cut their bullshit, them saying "What about your seconds?"

Gabi apologizing, now her VA did a good job, so did Falco's, them saying please made my heart ache, poor kids

Istg guys Jean looked so good this episode especially these two shots

Jean apologizing to Gabi was idk ig this a stretch is kind of like Levi apologizing to Eren after yk beating him up, eh maybe that was just me, but fr Jean would rock the Captain position tho, and this part where annie says

Like did the guys rlly forgive her in the end? Ofc we don't know, no one bothered lol

Pieck in all her glory, amazing

I love this episode but lemme tell u guys I hate that god! only three episodes left, yk yk chapter 132 and then i will go into a deep state of isolation and utter emptiness bcus damn me for diving so deep into the aot fandom without any alternatives to make myself feel better when it ends, oh well there's always aot junior high,

at least the fandom would be suffering with me as well so cheers to us coping

[qingxintea]

heartbreak avenue (3) || albedo x reader

heartbreak avenue (1) heartbreak avenue (2) -- tell me how, do you do this thing called living? when theres nothing more to gain. gn reader -- ignore the link below idk how tf to hyperlink on mobile but that’s ur part 4 ig

damn. imagine missing mond so much that you visit just for the vibes and accidentally become a one time vigilante for dominating over a couple abyss mages

how oddly specific!

you moment.

TO BE FAIR, you didn't mean to and also ur just strong with that 245% crit damage ugh yeah yeah get it ig

it was night time, like, idk 1am and you were in this cloak because idk look swaggy and comfortable

abyss mage went ŏ̸̡̡̹̘͉̫̬̬̭̘̙̝͐͒̆̈́̒̿̄́͠͝ǒ̸̧̺͕̣̬̝̱͈̭̭̻̮̈̏̔͆̑̀̍ǫ̵̡̜̲̭̠̤̰̹͍̣͎̤̈́̓̍͠ḩ̴̡͍̣̹̯̭̩̮̣̩̭́̔̀̍͊̂͒́̆͘͜͝͝ȃ̷̧̡̢̡̨̛̪͓̤̜͕̳̦̼͊̏̃͆̓̈́̈́̽̈́͌͐̋̚ͅh̸̡̩͍̟͕̥͚̰̰̟̮̖̪̉̈́͛͂̍̾a̸̧̢͕̙̞̳̩͈̲͉͕̒̆̎̐̎̍̀͊͘̚͝h̸̡̼͓̝͕̫̤̰̱̬̣̗͚̙̀͜ and you were like "lmao shut up"

and like it did! because you made it shut up and also mans diluc was watching in his dark knight hero thingy

of course you noticed his presence from the beginning, you just wanted to piss him off and act like he wasn't there at all

you walked. straight past him like he was actually on the bridge in the middle and you just w al ked .

i mean ofc he gonna say something. and he did. dude said "who r u"

stared at him directly in the eye and said "the embryo made of chewed bubblegum."

he stared. sh o ck ed . what were you even saying

"jk im a resident of mondstadt, visiting from my liyue trip."

"and how do i know you arent lying?"

you sighed and grabbed your dendro vision, letting him look at the frame. "its incased in a mondstadt styled frame." after a few seconds, you put it back. "if that is all, i'll be going."

"k"

"literally fuck off" you responded and walked inside.

sometimes you forget how rude mondstadt people are lmao loser.

ok so like this donna girl really went up to you like "JFKLSJFLKSDJFL NUMBER ??? HELLO ?? UMM THE WAY YOU SAVED MONDSTADT RLKDFFC" and you resisted every urge to flip her off on the spot.

you just stayed and let her talk, smiling through all of it. your hood was still on but it was quite windy s ooo

its been ten minutes. girl please let us go. you were literally begging for anyone to cut in because ur too nice (or unbothered) to tell her to shut up even though you totally went off on diluc aadahahhshdf

and someone did! not the one you expected though.

"good evening donna, and... oh? who would you be?"

ALBEDO LMAO GET STICKBUGGED? ? ? ?? AH a hjfkahfjah . im so funny .

guys i meant that ironically please

anyway

you got even more uncomfortable lmao and you just looked at him and smiled. what do you respond? "no one of importance."

he heard your voice, saw your eyes and it registered. it was you...

or was that what he wanted to believe?

cause this whole time hes been waiting for you, only using experiments as a thing to pass time. it got... a little more lonelier, because nothing could replace you.

he decided to not believe it. because 1) you knew well they welcomed you with open arms, so there would be no need to hide yourself

(which is also proof of how much the whole situation fucked up your thinking)

a second of silence before he continues on the conversation with normal evening meeting stuff things idk

then ur like "ahhshaaajk i must be taking my leave now for matters i will not disclose ahaha skidoosh"

skidoosh

so you go to the big venti statue next to the cathedral and just stand. stare. yikes

no ones out right now and theres nothing to do. but you remember this place because its where the both of yall would eat together whenever he had free time (which wasnt that often, but he still made the effort)

you look up to the sky, counting all the stars like you used to.

no ones gonna know that you're here, you decided on that. you only visited because you simply missed it, but after this, you were going back to liyue.

no ones gonna know. because no one needs to know. no one needs to know that you were here. that would only cause more trouble to the situation you tried to avoid

albedo ends up catching up to you later, still having some spark of hope left that it really was you

i mean lowkey there isnt really anything saying it wasnt. he wanted to believe that he was just overthinking when he thought it really wasnt you

like you look the same. sound the same. its just the reasoning of you coming here, but he can push that aside

"(y/n)."

you flinch but didnt react with anything else. he doesnt need to know that its you.

"(y/n)?"

you turn around to meet his eyes as he was approaching you. slightly distancing yourself another inch away as you were not used to the proximity, you responded, "i'm afraid i'm not the one you're looking for."

albedo stops for a moment, and was about to apologize,, but then

yknow that wind i mentioned earlier? like right after donna started bothering you

yeah that same wind blew ur hood off! lmao L

okay time to get serious !

you stay composed and sighed, your breath visible in the cold air.

so your features are exposed, and its so obviously you, like theres literally no way it cannot be you

"it really is you..." he doesnt understand why youre not admitting to it. "(y/n), please.."

you shake your head and walk away but mans grabs your wrist gently

"(y/n), whats wr-" he starts, but youre quick to respond

"im not (y/n)." you flat out said it and looked right into his eyes. and you swear there were small tears even if he was deemed nonchalant.

he doesnt understand, its your physical features, and your same energy, there is no other person that completely matches it.

he pulls you closer to examine this black smudge on your hand, a small yelp of surprise coming from you.

"this is... ink," he studied the properties of the substance. "you responded to my letter a day ago. (y/n)... i know by now. there's no reason to hide it."

you step away, freeing your hand from his grasp. your voice broke, tears forming in the corners of your eyes. "i'm not... i'm not (y/n). i never will be. i'll never be so vulnerable again, i'll never be so naive again, i'll never be so lonely again, i will never ever be anything like they were again."

your vision blurred, but you werent oblivious to the tears streaming down his face as well. reaching to brush them away, you paused and let it drop to his shoulder instead.

"albedo. i... the (y/n) you knew... they're gone now. and if i could revert back to them any time, i would, i swear, but... i'm al-... they..." you buried your head in your hands. "i'm broken. to the point that i refuse to identify as the (y/n) you know me by."

doesnt know what to say, so he almost pulls you into a hug before you move out of the way. something you never did.

"don't... please. it never works out in the end." you shake your head, facing the other way. "for me at least."

"..we could work together, no?" he tried, still oblivious about your feelings towards him.

"only if you're willing to cross your moral boundaries," you looked back and tilted your head. taking a deep breath, you continued, "but you know that neither of us are willing to do that."

he couldn't say anything, because as much as he hated to admit something for once, you were right about that. at this point, he would've thought that literally any extent would've been fine to reach to bring you back.

yet in multiple situations where he's doubted himself before, theres always a line he will never cross.

"...i wish you the best. treat her well because i worked hard." you walked away without him stopping you this time. i worked hard. not we worked hard.

even if you had honestly felt that way, there was no chance the old you wouldve actually voiced that.

and so he watched you slip from his grasp again, only this time, he stopped himself from holding you back from his own will.

yet he swears- the next time he meets you again, he will bring you back.

[moomoomooing]

Kyuu and why he’s in NRC

some ramblings for kyuu and NRC, specifically on how NRC is a school for villains

this was honestly really fun to write and I wrote so much more than intended. I promise i’ll get around to writing more on kyuu and leona once i’ve splurged out all the lore i want for kyuu rn :D

yk i havent said it here but like, NRC is a school full of villains essentially right, it’d be pretty weird to slap some wholesome and pure-hearted person into NRC- especially when RSA exists lmao

idk i was thinking abt it and yeah, yuusonas and just yuu characters in general are the expection to this cause theyre arent at NRC by choice or really fit in with the rest of the boys in “evilness”

oh also- kyuu here, while I list him as a sona for myself, isnt really the most accurate representation of myself, I put on a lot of negative aspects on him and we certainly wouldn’t act the same way. So maybe listing him as an oc/sona would be far more accurate. He’s based off of me, but I develop him as his on character- using myself for reference. (For when I talk about it: I do not condone bullying and it makes me really uncomfortable to even witness it, empathy ig? i dont really understand it myself, but yeah, that part specifically is purely made for Kyuu and why he’s an NRC boy)

so i present some of the stuff that makes Kyuu an NRC student :)

To him its kinda everyman for himself, he’ll help if its reachable and fairly easy for him, or that person has some great significance to him (aka emotionally important or like, powerful ppl he wants to be on the good side of). But otherwise, he’ll leave that person to just kinda suffer-he’ll offer condolences and be on his way. He’s tries to stay on good terms with Azul for that reason, it’s real easy to pull strings when you’re friends with someone like that, even just a name drop of the tweels or Azul might intimidate some people. He’s never signed a deal but he does work part-time at the Mostro Lounge. He’s incredibly self-sufficient to the point where he will allow himself to sink and refuse to make a peep to others. Professor Trein is basically the only exception- and that took a lot of pondering to take the chance. 

He’s cold, not just in appearance from his resting face, but if he doesn’t know you, theres a good chance he’ll never bother talking to you. Hell he doesn’t like getting involved in stuff like bullying, either being the bully or preventing it- to him it’s free entertainment, the only exception is underclassmen he particularly likes or if they’re in the Equestrian Club with him. Catching Floyd or Jade on a hunt for a student might just make it to his most memorable moment of the day, It’s a bore when all the kids are the same type of roughhousing and mean. His social bubble is small and restrictive- which is why getting such a severe crush on Leona was so significant. If he wanted any type of closure or chance it would force him to interact and actually try to be nice and active with people he doesn’t care about to make some connections. He met Ruggie that way, and while Ruggie saw through him immediately, it definitely worked on other Spelldrive Club members (ahem Epel). Though nowadays he’s far more involved with the first years, he actually tutors (attempts to) Deuce and Ace, and any of the other first years when they need help, so that relation with Epel became a lot more genuine than before. 

Getting into a relationship with Leona didn’t really change much for him, besides the whole independency thing. A brief side note-I find it really unbelievable that overblots don’t have some sort of intense recovery period, which for my purposes I say they do. Even after a week or two you still feel the effects of the blot, maybe even a physical manifestation of blot, throwing it up or choking on it at its worst. Kyuu and Leona got together a mere days after Leona overblotted, it was a moment of fear for Kyuu- Kyuu being amongst the crowd when it happened, and Leona being pretty emotionally vulnerable afterwards and was forced to admit and re-confront lifelong doubts and pains. Leona ended up needing to do check-ups in the infirmary, having to stay a night when the blot afterwards had surged back and Ruggie forced him to actually get help. Kyuu ended up visiting the infirmary at the time, and well, they confessed. (This is something I’ll probably write about later, especially how I think it would go from Leona’s side bc I think that’s interesting lmao.) This, quite frankly, is a pretty awkward way to start a relationship. It took a lot of time to truly get comfortable around each other and begin to open up emotionally. Bringing this back around to how it changed Kyuu’s whole sever emotional independence, they were close enough that it made Kyuu actually talk. Leona doesn’t pry or force more out of Kyuu than necesarry- and that helps so much in making him feel like he can drop it into conversations (where appropriate of course.) That pressure of making it feel like it’s a big deal is crippling to him.

Oh lord this turned into some intense brainrot- if you made it this for a smooch for you and im sorry for writing so much-

[everythings-a-feather]

ok so now that we have the whole season I redid the tier list (I belive by @polkadotbrat)

and very quick thoughts, these were supposed to be a sentence each but I couldnt help myself

ma poule tier- its all the felix episodes cuz I am only invested in him at this point) strike back may be my overall fav this season cuz I was torn between wanting felix to be the dog and the peacock but strike back let me have my cake and eat it too also ik that felix giving hawkie the whole miracle box is like an awful betrayal or whatever but the miraculous zoo is gone thank god tho the ladynoir moment had me feeling empty and I just cant empathise with marinette at all at this point because none of the things she actually fucked up this whole season blew up in her face she just got played by felix and honestly good for felix. Also isnt lucky charms whole thing "it gives you what you need not what you want" and it pointed at felix, when Marinette could have picked up Adrien from the past TM before risk was active instead of Felix whos just unaffected. tho maybe its just that in Felix the episode its established that he can throw with dead accuracy so the lucky charm lead her to felix because hes good at throwing??? idk man ML is weird with this stuff

silver medal- Psychomedian almost made it to ma poule because ladynoir my formerly beloved but as my investment in them as of end of season 4 is dead its getting knocked down a tier. Crocoduel, purple tigress my beloved. Glaciator 2, Marichat shenanigans were very fun. WIshmaker, I like luka in this one and if the show pretends ephemeral never happened and he gets to do actual things I might actually like luka overall. Rocketear, angst my beloved, spawned good fics, detective nino was funny.

did something for someone- Gang of Secrets, eh honestly idc but the adressing of Marinette being stressed is nice, Hack-san, I liked scarabella and chats dynamic, please let there be canon bridgette so that felila is guaranteed to never happen tho canon bri will also need a personality shift (maybe be more Lawful Good than she already was to balance Felix being chaos energy?). Optigami- smart plan ig. Mister Pigeon 72, all it did was convince me that it should have been Marigami and Lukeadrien not Adrigami and Lukanette tbh, Hawkmoth x Mr Pigeon my... I wanna say crack ship beloved but I seriously think Feluka could work and Im not sure if theyre aware of each others existence since Luka isnt in Adriens class (Im not rewatching "Felix" to confirm this). Sentibubbler, congrats Alya stans? closest to being in the next tier

(un) bothered- Dearest family, I had hopes but the episode is eh. Furious Fu- Order of the guardians should have stayed dead. Guilt trip- Marinette... please Adrien almost has this covered. Penalteam, eh, powers underutilised here, tho I really like Penalty. Megaleech, SAMG was wasted on this episode. Truth and Lies- (total deadpan) oh no Lukanette and Adrigami the two ships we saw develop so much on screen and I was completely emotionally invested in and that the NY special didnt tell us broke up immediately after they started dating, seriously tho I cant take lukanette seriously as a pairing and Adrigami has potential but im kinda eh also Kagami literally has the "I will lose the love triangle" hair so.

Incredible anger- EPHEMERAL MY BELOATHED "BUT I DONT LIKE CHAT NOIR" GIRL WDYM WE SEE THE WAY YOU TWO LOOK AT EACH OTHER LUKA SPEEDRAN MY BELOVED TO MY BELOATHED EPHEMERAL LOOKED UGLY THE WRITERS DIDNT UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE LIKE CHAT BLANC. Kuro neko, almost everything @parismystere has said about this episode, I was clowning and hoping it would be a "adrien I need you to be a temp cat while I find Chat Noir" while Felix is in town idc about the middle but Adrien does tell felix he is chat so Felix as adrien says "oh well I happen to know chat noirs identity-" and gives the ring back to adrien while also solving the "we cant reach chat cuz no one knows his identity" problem cuz 'Adrien' knows who chat is, also this would tip them off to something fishy going on with Felix' well... Id say betrayal but for that Felix would have had to have been on their side and Felix doesnt seem to be interested in LB and CNs miraculous anyway. Sole Crusher and Queen Banana- Zoe my beloathed, also Id watch Chloes movie over whatever garbage they were actually filming any day, a chaotic bad movie is always better than a boring one.

I couldnt finish Qilin or simpleman and I dont wanna waste energy on them