#like there's some stuff i dont wanna touch yknow

[froggy-day]

dont know how to say this but does anyone else have to deal w those hyperfixations on things where, like, it's the type of thing where there Could be a fandom about it but There Is Not. so u j sit and marinate in ur own insanity literally everyday. for uhhhhh [checks calendar] 9 months.

[qwuilty]

God I love ur takes on p1 dude so much!!! Do u have more hcs to share!!! Angsty and not :0?

Yeah i think i can share some, pardon if any of them are a bit of a run on sentence though, math homework has fried my brain a little XD (warning for like, discussion of military related trauma sorry if the warning is bad again my brain is fried <:'') )

As i said before I'm starting to come more around to the idea he enlisted after dropping out of college, if you've been around like. Any US high school or college you've probably seen recruiters perched in the halls like vultures (though it's probably more so nowadays honestly) and i think that feeling of complete failure, mixed with his need to try and 'redeem' himself by doing something 'good with himself' after may have pushed him to do so. And by all means, physically he was capable. He wasn't a star athlete but he was fairly well built and able to make it through training, it was mentally where things went wrong.

I think already he was a pretty high stress person with bad coping mechanisms, but actually having to be there on a field of combat, where slight mistakes could very well mean you never return home, i think that REALLY fucked with him. It's when his insomnia started getting worse, this looming fear of something going wrong, and it all boiled over to the ordeal i headcanon as to why he got kicked out.

After a long bout of insomnia, sleepless nights on edge as he dealt with auditory hallucinations, trying to keep himself up in one piece to not Fuck This One Chance Up as it were, it lead to a pretty bad incident one night. He (thought) he was the only one awake out of everyone else there, having a very bad night of nagging fear that there was going to be an attack on everyone else with "warning signs" (most likely small, unrelated issues blown out of proportion) and another soldier, very unaware of his current state accidentally snuck up on him asking for a light and scared him absolutely shitless.

Needless to say, startling a man very much on the edge thinking he may have to be the only one awake to keep his fellow men from dying that night was a very bad idea, thankfully someone spotted them before he choked them to death, but he was deemed unfit to serve after his 'sudden' outburst.

But even if he hadn't served full time, i think that kind of experience REALLY fucked with him, partially why he tanked so hard mentally on top of the existing college stuff and his sense of being a failure. I mainly think of the events of Postal 1 as kind of a tale of hundreds, millions of little things that lead to one big implosion, but it's one of those things to others that comes "out of nowhere" because he tried very hard to seem like he was ok.

I'm also more partial to him having served just out of logical sense, it makes sense for him to have prior training to explain how he's able to go against the military and SWAT force, why one of his first places to go after finding out about the 'virus' was the air-force, use of terms like 'flyboy', 'solider', 'grunt' and all. So i think on top of his already existing mental illnesses, the time served in the military added on additional PTSD explaining why he had auditory hallucinations of gunshots at night and fell back into his bad mental state.

This was mainly just kind of one big long headcanon explanation, but i hope you enjoyed it nonetheless!

[rzyraffek]

I have a little smut request, if you don't like or don't want to write I understand that's alright.

When slashers are take a shower then S/O suddenly get in

Bo please must have him, I love this man too much, and Vincent, Lester, Brahms, Thomas, or other slashers you want to write. (or you think I pick too much you can pick some, but please Bo must thank you so much❤️)

I just think this will be fun

Oh, btw, I very love your work so perfect so wonderful so amazing❤️❤️❤️

Yall really love Sinclair's😭😭 ALSO THANK YOU V MUCH IM GLAD YALL ENJOY MY BLOG!!!! Before you read that I need to remind yall that I DONT USUALLY WRITE NSFW STUFF SO DONT EXPECT ANYTHING GREAT HERE!! Request open

Nsfw, but nothing too detailed, they/them pronouns for s/o

Shower zegz with slashers

Bo Sinclair

Our guy will make sure that they will remember that shower for long time

Yknow when you just vibe in shower and you accidently touch cold wall with your back and get all cold and upset? Yeah if s/o has the same problem.. too bad he doenst care they are getting pinned to that wall in seconds anyways

He loves seeing their face, how they react to his actions and words, how their body moves because of him

Will comment A LOT, expect a lot of praising, some cruse words and alot of growls tbh

He marks them 100% one way or another. Bite marks, Hickeys ( alot of them), ect

Afterwards he gonna bring them a towel and make sure they can go to bedroom and rest there for a while. This guy isn't the best at aftercare but he isn't heartless!

Vincent

No bcs he will blush sososo hard😨😳

Like they have to make first move cuz this guy will just stand there awkwardly looking like he has stick up his ass

He gonna be so gentle with them💖 carefully grabbing their hips/hair and enjoying the view moment

Tbh he loves grabbing their hair and vice versa, if s/o is touchy he gonna be sosos blushy

Also afterward he gonna wash their hair probably🥰 making sure they at least get out of this shower clean lol

Brahms Heelshire

Nah bcs this guy will be the one to actually pull them into shower, like s/o was just vibing doing their skincare routine and this guy just grabbed them and yeeted them into shower

He gonna act like he just wants to spent time together🙄🙄 yeah totally

Pls make sure that s/o calls him good boi or he gonna bite them

Also ngl he probably looks sexy asf with wet hair

Incredibly affectionate, yall will be extremely close to each other for the whole thing. And expect him to wisper and growl into s/o year

Thomas Hewitt

This babi will be soso confused??? Like???? Oh you wanna shower together?? Yeah sure ig I don't mind???

Again s/o has to do first move cuz he won't even think about asking them about that type of stuff! Hes a gentleman he would neverr.. unless they ask him ofc

S/o gonna forgor how to walk for few hours at least

He just gonna pick them up and pin them to wall like s/o weights nothing (tbh it doesnt really matter how much they weight this guy picked up adult men and whooped other one at the same time without any struggle, really dont worry)

He cant really tell them how he feels so he just gonna gently pat them or nuzzle them.

He will feel bad afterwards when their legs shake or when they can't really walk 😓

Micheal Myers

Tbh the only reason he showed was bcs they promised him that he will get reward later. Fr this guy stinks

Sex with him is incredibly akward. He doenst make any noise nor shows any kind of affection? Maybe he gonna carry them to bed afterwards or bring them towel?? Like this guy never heard about aftercare, or care overall tbh

He will never show it but he loves when s/o gives him affection or tells him nice words, how good he is and how great his doing his job rn

Not my proudest one! I really suck at nsfw stuff sorry😓😓 also I had nightmare and there was Bo for some reason ?? But he had heavy cowboy-texas accent ??? Idk why. Anyways its 2am yall have great rest of day

This post was made by asexual gang, like and subscribe to join asexual gang

[ravers8fantasy]

Songs that remind me of punch out characters!!! (*´ ˘ `*)

(this will be focusing on boxers from punch out!! 2009 wii if im feeling cheeky I might do one for older characters in the future)

Little mac: the man - aloe blacc, , my way - frank sinatra, survivor - destinys child

(honourable mention: the black parade - my chemical romance)

Doc: lets get ready to rumble PJ and Duncan AKA, it takes two - rob base and DJ E-Z rock, I aint mad at cha - 2pac

Referee: the 10 duel commandment's from the hamilton soundtrack (guys this ones jokes)

☆Minor circuit ☆

Glass joe: Denis - blondie, carpe diem - joker out, the winner takes it all - ABBA

(honourable mention : the French national anthem 'La Marseillaise' and Hymne à l'amour - Édith Piaf)

Von kaiser: hey jude - the beatles, ich brech aus - tokio hotel, geboren um zu leben - unheilig

(honourable mentions: 99 luftballons - Nena and please please please by either the smiths or the deftones ver I couldnt decide)

Disco kid: hot stuff - Donna summer, voulez vous ABBA, I wanna dance with somebody - whitney Houston

(honourable mention: star ships - nicki minaj)

King hippo: te hiva - te vaka, please dont touch my papaya - kavaholics, Lugahiva - te vaka.

☆☆ Major circuit. ☆☆

Piston Honda hondo: iroha uta - wagakki band, catch me if you can - baby metal, tokyo drift - teriyaki boyz

(Honourable mentions: the sailor moon opening 'moonlight Densetsu' and 'kaen by ziyoou vachi')

bear hugger: let it grow - lorax soundtrack (ALLOW IT), amber - 311, animals - nickelback

Great tiger: dilliwali girlfriend - Arijit Singh and Sunidhi Chauhan from 'Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani', I am the best - 2NE1, down - jay sean and lil wayne (yeah idk he just reminds me of down for some reason)

Don flamenco: fernando - ABBA, smooth operator - sade, imatadora - romeo santos

(honourable mentions: vivir mi vida- mark anthony, wake me up - evanescence for when he goes emo after mac proper thundercunts his toupee)

☆☆☆World circuit☆☆☆

Aran ryan: capital - amyl and the sniffers, salvation - the cranberries, without me - eminem

(honourable mentions: scotty doesnt know - Lustra and CHA CHA CHA by Käärijä plus TRAFIK by Käärijä and joost klein)

Soda popinski: alcohol is free - Koza Mostra its time to roll - s3rl, alchohol free - twice

(Honourable mention: when I first saw him he reminded me of nash gimm by hard bass school but idk bros kinda crazy)

Bald bull: custer - slipknot, strawberry rush - chuu (sorry bald bull lovers, thats all I really got from him💔)

Super macho man: party like a millionare - the millionares, sorry for party rocking - LMFAO, take your shirt off - the millionares

(honourable mention - spring breakers anthem - the lonely island... HES SO LIKE YKNOW)

mr sandman: enter sandman - metallica, gansta's paradise - coolio, clair de lune - claude de bussy

Shoutout to @vampirtulpereblogs for the unheilig song for kaiser! As you said, it is a very beautiful song and reminds me of his battle theme thank you!!!

[fishbloc]

hiiii friend (it’s birdie shhh didn’t want to send on my main blog) i fully support avoiding wips as i am doing the same so here is my question:

what, if you have any, are some of your favorite desert duo headcanons? can be scar or grian individually or them together

HIII BIRDIE sorry one of the wips is said yours related sigh . we're in this nightmare blunt rotation together

anyway. im gonna answer this in both for general and my WTLT!verse because theyre kinda different LOL sorry this gets long

general hcs 1) scar is a... very practical guy i would say. despite his strength lies in his words he would still favour showing care and affection. yknow stuff like cutting fruits for someone without asking. hes littered with small fleeting gestures and only someone who knows him well enough like grian could pick up on them 2) personally i always see grian as the loud annoying friend/partner/whatever you wanna call it. sure he sometimes uses it as an excuse to repress things he doesnt wanna talk about (this is where scar would usually coax him out of it) but his loudness can be really handy at times when an uneasy awkwardness fall between them. ALTHOUGH this doesnt mean grian won't 'shut down' when the situation arises (because i like quiet grian too) 3) not sure how to fit in one small paragraph about my dynamic hc for them but i can say with full conviction grian and scar would stick fruit labels onto each other's forehead when grocery shopping to piss the other off. hope this helps 😁😁

where the light touches hcs: 1) i really really like the hc that scar is so unphased by everything because hes jaded like that (whether a placid facade or no) like oh suddenly he managed to sign himself up for a death game. oh heres an immortal who wounded up in his path. oh suddenly he needs to start manipulating people to win. and hes like ok 👍 (he was first runner up in 3rd life for a reason) 2) for grian i like that hes kinda cunning in his own way. like yes hes not to full power with his watcher abilities stripped away and he can be kinda weak at times, but then he uses this front to trick people and when their guards are let down and turns the battle's tide with it. literally a small guy who packs a punch to those who underestimate him 3) for the both of them, my hc will always be that they have no choice but to trust each other wholeheartedly. because one small falter can cause their faction to fall and the only way they succeeded is because they dont second guess every time when the other will put a knife behind their back. sure this is not a popular hc but in 3rd life grian constantly stood by scar's side so. also its my storyverse and i get to pick the dynamics!!!!

[creehd]

SURPRISE!! its me again, ive moved into your walls.

Now... *flips through notes* You said Shredder is a Yakuza boss, which is just a delectable choice, and i shant ever get over it--

--BUUUUUT because hes Yakuza, does that mean hes...covered in tattoos? 👁👁

I meeean, i can kinda see some tattoos in the reference you drew for him, but i think we might need a shirtless reference, fOR SCIENTIFIC REASONS OF COURSEEEEE, absolutely no other reason.

I definitely dont wanna just see that buff man shirtless hahah nooooo *heavy breathing*

BUT ON A NOT SIMPING NOTE--

What is the Turtle's living situation like??? Is it still in the sewers? Do Casey and April visit them there? How different is their home in the AU compared to the modern depictions? I cant imagine sewers in the 20's were to much different than sewers now, but im still very curious :]

Sorry for the never ending questions skajsksks

YES shredder does have tattoos! Alot of em are traditional Japanese dragon design ones, I will map out what his chest and back tats look like don't you worry-

AS FOR THE SEWER QUESTION IM GLAD YOU ASKEDDD I made the entire turtle lair in the sims bc of this ask SO here we are,

The entrance to the sewers is pretty basic, shoot off to 6 open rooms,

Splinters room!! He's a pretty solitary guy so he has a place for meditation and a cozy lil chair he falls asleep in constantly.

Here's the rec room/kitchen, Lotta areas for food making and eating, and a piano Mikey plays every now and again for everyone! They also have a dinky little TV set donnie managed to snag. (Infront the couch)

The dojo!! Pretty basic, this is where the boys do their training!

The bathroom/storage! Very rustic and stolen and or built by Donatello. Lotta extra stuff splinter brought over from japan and misc living stuff for the family.

Now for the boys rooms!!!

Leo and Donatello share a room, leo keeps model trains and tons of books donnie can't house on his side, he's also got several Japanese tapestries to keep in touch with his heritage. He also has alot of art deco posters, he enjoys the colors and movement of them. He also keeps track of scout badges he's collected, because while be can't BE a boyscout, he loves the idea of scouting and following that code of values.

Donnies side is much more technical. He tinkers and builds things while listening to the radio, he'll turn it on for both him and Leo while they do respective activities. He also has Japanese tapestries, mostly because when the boys were small splinter got them each their own, and he never took it down. He's got tons of books and maps, and more physics leaning posters.

On the other side of the sewer, Raphel and Mikey share a room, in the middle they have a Foosball table they both enjoy from time to time, but on raphs side, he's got a punching bag (go figure) and a stereo radio phonograph, along with a chest of his things, his favorite stuffed toy, some art deco posters and a painting Mikey made him, along with a portrait of Casey, and a cow skull. He's taken the tapestry splinter gave him down. Says it clashes with the rest.

And last but not least! Mikey has the brightest part of the sewer, he enjoys plants, and taking care of them, he says they add life to the home. Along with several paintings he's done and art deco posters he enjoys! He's got a desk for Journaling and an easel for his portraits. He's also got his Japanese tapestry hung, it gives him inspiration.

All and all, not too different from their modern counterparts! I tried to make my little diorama art project as time period accurate as I could, for the sims yknow, but I think I did a pretty good job expressing my vision (although there was a sewer grate I COULD NOT find for the life of me so I just pretended don't look at it too hard)

April and casey visit on occasion, after all the portrait of Casey was painted by mikey!! Raph just felt... sentimental about keeping it. April visits less, due to grime, but she cares about her friends and can look past it after a good shower.

AND DONT YOU WORRY- I'll make a shredder tattoo masterpost, he's not covered head to toe, but he's pretty well inked up..

I had fun working on this alot tho!! Never apologize ur giving me an excuse to post about my brain worms

Questions or suggestions??? ASK BOX IS OPENNNNN ASK ME ABOUT MY 20S AU

[jessenitrogen]

cybertronian anatomy ?? (headcanons)

FAIR WARNING, I STILL DONT KNOW THE MOST ABT TRANSFORMERS, I KNOW THERES A TCOG AND A SPARK BUT THATS IT AND ALSO WHILE I DID TAKE ANATOMY CLASS I FORGOT A BIT OF IT BUT and doesnt help I know next to nothing abt mechanics stuff

and another fair warning, the headcanons are canon to ME when I put them in the context of my continuity and exist bcuz I thought of it to fit in my continuity/my designs bcuz fuck it we ball

DENTA/TEETH/DIGESTIVE SYSTEM?

I think the purpose of their denta would not to chew but to bite into energon. Theyre metal beings, that are BIG in most cases, I believe they have a bite force strong enough enough to bite into energon in its mineral state.

For denta appearance, (while I dont know the best shape there is to cut into rock) would be sharp teeth, yknow pointed teeth. Some cybertronians have sharp pointed teeth and then there are some who dont. Well heres the kicker since these guys can also transform, I feel like they can alter their denta shape as well. highly compacted plates that can loosen and move when need be or something. Their sharp teeth can pop out like that HTTYD scene with Toothless popping out his teeth

They dont have tongues, cuz they dont taste, or use it to swallow, or use it to talk. They just kinda. Lean their helms back to get energon into their throats, like birds!!

And they dont need a tongue to formulate their speech, for their voice box is like, a literal box that generates sound waves that is the cybertronians voice. A cybertronian moves their mouth as to not muffle their voice.

While their denta is not designed to chew, in order to get energon into a shape/size that can get to their version of stomachs, their throats grind the energon into smaller bits so it can travel easier through their esophagus. or whatever the cybertronian equivalent is.

Once the energon gets to their stomachs, its melted down into a liquid state so it can flow to the spark where it is essentially "charged" and then can flow throughout tubes and circuits and power their bodies/frames and systems. And I believe, the cybertronians were created in such a way that they can utilize every component of energon so nothing goes to waste.

Cybertronians were created before the technology was made that could convert energon into a liquid state. That tech was made as to cut down digestive time and save energy that could be used for other things.

SKIN/INTEGUMENTARY SYSTEM

idk what cybertronian skin is called and I barely remember what the integumentary system is other than its skin it helps regulate body temp and helps fight infection?

ANYWAYS their skin is like a very flexible metal, its thinner in parts where the frame has more armor, but thicker in places that dont have armor to compensate for the lack of armor.

Here in this thin layer of metal are receptors that can sense touch and pain, and like idk abt this part but wanna say there is a thin layer of wire net/mesh that can either warm up or cool down as a way to assist the cybertronians ventilation system (ventilation system does most of the work when cooling down the frame)

This layer can repair itself over time. It can also be replaced with external metal if the layer is too damaged. During the early times of the War for Cybertron injuries were repaired with external metal. This external metal did not include touch/pain receptors or the wire net/mesh that assists with temp regulation. Those who were frequently repaired with this external metal have some resistance to pain but have the tendency to overheat, in severe cases need an external source to cool down their frames. ie, dipping in water

Cybertronians need to stay at a constant temp, normally a LOT warmer than we do, in order to keep the energon in a liquid state and stay warm during the nights on Cybertron. If they get too cold the energon can solidify again and cause blockage in circuits and tubing. But if their frames get too hot, the processor can fry, circuits can melt, etc

EXTRA/HALFBAKED HEADCANONS

these I dont have detailed thought on atleast yet, but

They wouldnt have noses. they dont breathe, or smell, so.

They dont have ANY reproductive organs, internal or external. They cannot reproduce with eachother or by themselves. their numbers only increase bcuz of the Allspark

AND THATS ALL I HAVE rn I'd like to state here and now that these headcanons definitely apply to all of my characters and my continuity versions of canon characters. and like, no one has to agree with them or use them but it's also cool if someone does

[vanana-r0tat3]

some pre-game batim headcanons :>

Henry: - all he does is eat hot chip be bisexual and lie /j - has a preference for women so i think him realizing hes not straight is like hey wait a minute hey wait wait - joey was his gay awakening,,, real -gets burnout super easy, it probably frustrates him a lot when he cant draw - drawing is a big comfort for him - has pretty bad social anxiety, but has become pretty good at dealing with it!

Joey: - gay. this man is not into women at all sorry 💀 "i just dont have time for girls" yeah sure fruitcake - watch me project once again and give this man bpd. like im sorry his whole thing with henry?? im not even explaining it but if you get it you get it yea - also definitely has adhd - wheelchair user !! he is able to walk, but he still needs the wheelchair when flare ups get real bad. he is stubborn though and refuses to use it at work or when hes out of the house

more under the cut !!

Wally: - he has adhd, obviously - transgender !! i feel like hes a gnc binary trans man - hes straight to me, but his gf/wife is also trans >:D t4t win - i feel like he likes to gossip. the thought of him, norman, shawn, maybe even jack whispering to eachother in a corner about some random secrets theyve overheard is super funny to me

Sammy: - AUTISM... hes autistic - gets overwhelmed and overstimulated super easily, hence why hes always so irritable - yknow what im giving him bipolar. hes my comfort character and i get to project my mental illness !! - hes gay and demiromantic - honestly? transfem i see it. bc like im thinking about how he talks about susies singing like. i know what you are - bad with boundaries.. he is so bad at them and reading social cues - hates being touched, probably is only comfortable with jack for the most part - watch him crush on like half the men mentioned in this post at least once

Norman: - hes also autistic. his sense of humor is so??? 😭 - HES ALSO DEFINITELY AN OLDER GAY GUY. he just has that energy yknow like if you agree - probably would be agender too - him and sammy are that incompatible type of autism havers does this make sense?? like some autistic people i just cant stand because of my autism, our places on the spectrum make it so hard to like them yk? thats norman and sammy - this man definitely has insomnia

Susie: - lesbian. she doesnt know it yet but she is - her calling sammy handsome isnt her being attracted to him its just gender envy 😁 - shes just a feminine transmasc 👍 - rejection sensitive dysphoria out the ASS my poor girl - very insecure deep down, so she overcompensates for it by trying to be a people pleaser n stuff

Allison: - shes bisexual !! has a strong preference for women - shes a trans woman idc idc i love her - AUTISTIC AS HELL - i imagine she had a sibling like relationship with joey - probably one of the few people that could tell him off without like. getting fired lol

Buddy: - adhd and autism,, special intrest in art/drawing - AROACE. the stuff he says about his friendship with dot?? "i didnt know we could just be friends" and him not being too into his first assumption when she pulls him away to show him the bendyland model?? yea - honestly i think he has social anxiety hes doing his best - hes very sensitive over people bringing up him being jewish, he seems so ready to be made fun of or scorned for it :( - definitely some cultural detachment because of it (im projecting again) - i think dot would wanna learn about about it, buddy should teach her stuff!! like traditions and whatnot

Tom: - asexual 👍 - TRANSGENDER. probably would be nonbinary, heavily masc leaning though - he smokes a lot have you heard this man good lord. i dont think allison is a fan of it - anger issues,, mostly caused by stress and a lack of sleep, hes trying his best :( - he has arthritis. hes not old but god do his joints fee like it. he has crutches !! like joey though he only really uses em at home 💀

Jack: - wheelchair user jack my BELOVED idk where the hc came from but im all for it - he cant walk, but is able to get around just fine! watch him try and do wheelies to impress sammy only to almost fall over - 100% autistic as well. him and sammy are able to be autism together - unlabeled aromantic - hes such a loser /loving

Grant: - poor guy gets chronic headaches someone give him some painkillers - hes got generalized anxiety disorder this man cannot get a break - demisexual and demiromantic,, mans is double demi

Shawn: - adhdtism 😭 - LOVES to talk, he could go on for hours dude - i feel like he knows a lot of ridiculously obscure knowledge. for why? dont worry about it - he gives me genderfluid vibes - literally just some guy

[nott-another-sideblog]

autistic! theo nott hcs because i want to

in first year he claimed a table at the library and sat at it so many times he couldnt sit anywhere else. one day he comes in to see some random sitting in 'his' seat and accidentally pops the poor lads inkpot out of rage. there was a hasty reparo from theo and a very quick exit after that

has broken so many quills from bending them between his fingers its unreal. he buys them in batches of ten or twenty and has broken all of them by terms end

hates getting his hair cut but also hates feeling his hair on the back of his neck. every month or so its a constant internal turmoil

really likes potions but hates touching the slimy ingredients so often ends up compromising with his partner with him doing the "boring stuff" like precise weighing or stirring to get out of touching the awful textures.

hates divination bcs there are no solid rules. the phrase "its up to interpretation" puts him into fight-or-flight mode

once stupefied someone as a reflex when they grabbed his shoulder. he was very deep into a good book and it scared the shit out of him. do not grab him ever

has learned how to use silencing charms that follow him so he doesnt have to hear the loud noises in the corridoors. this also makes it very hard to get his attention

uses sarcasm often but half of it is by accident. he just doesn't tell them its accidental

"hey, wanna go to x?"

"well. doesnt that sound exciting?"

"no need to get snarky, theo. i'm just saying it could be fun"

*was being completely serious* "fine, then. i suppose there's no harm in trying it"

brilliant poker face purely because he forgets to show emotion half the time in any way thats noticeable if you arent either used to it or looking for it

very twitchy. like, he cannot sit still. he can try. but it wont last long.

'quiet kid' until you ask him about time travel or something he's interested in. then you can't get him to shut up. i am a firm believer in theo nott who wanted to be an unspeakable but was put off by the confines of the ministry so decided to research mad shit by himself

loves the dungeons' low light level. no light means less headaches.

has the exact same breakfast every day: two toasts and a tea. except on holidays and his birthday, in which he has fruit pastries, or on sundays, where he has jam and toast

only found out he was autistic bcs a random kid he was working with asked him if he was 'on the spectrum' and he was so confused on what 'the spectrum' was that he fell down a research rabbithole and realised, oh

"sorry if this is overstepping, but are you on the spectrum?"

"the what"

"yknow, the autism spectrum"

"pardon my english, but what the fuck is an autism"

*two weeks of looking into it later*

*staring into a mirror* "ah"

hated the yule ball.absolutely despised it. went anyway because it was a once in a lifetime thing, but mainly hated it apart from the bit at the end where everyone left.

does that thing where if one side of him taps something, he. has to tap the other side to feel balanced again. if you do it you'll get what i mean, if you dont doit im sorry i cant explain it

loves pressure. sleeps with two blankets so he can feel properly buried

[socksandbuttons]

Bestie...us this to ramble about anything you like.

I'm tired but I want you to be happy.

OKAY SO u only have the full context but i get to ramble ALL I WANT AS U SAID SOOOO Im working on an au's design that i told you about. so far silhoutttes good i LOVE THEM. dying at this one concept CAUSE I LOVE IT SO MUCH HAVENT SEEN IT YET BUT SORT OF BUT NOT ENTIRELY. Anyway design wise 3/5 look good! i can work with them (its colors per usual bestie as u KNOW) the other two look too much like Vamp lunar and of eachother and im like ... i need to fix this cause vvamp lunar different (did u know i fleetingly considered using him for this??? i decided against it i like making new things) THEN THEN THERES MY OWN PIZZAPLEX AU which i havent touched in a while but i rmabled enough about it to you but i never showed off the thing i was doing about that. SUN!LUNAR AU PLAGUES ME ONCE A WHILE. BUT I DONT TALK ENOUGH ABOUT HIM. Love me some Solar vibing with his new bro and not having a crisis about the other two. Whomst are still having issues (I will remind u all that NICE ECLIPSE'S MOON was something he was also trying to save. That it wasn't verbal abuse until the more recent episodes when they reintroduced how his world is. Makes a good reason for Solar to leave tho.) My au's Moon has bad mood swings. Does Bloodmoon Exist? No. Does KC? No. Could they? KC can't anylonger unless they legit kept that code but i doubt that. (Due to Moon literally wanting it out. Solar not wanting to put him thru that ordeal and knowing it wont work in getting his moon back.) Bloodmoon was only made when Eclipse wanted OUT for realsies. Vs Solar and Sun may have been switching but nothing that opted violence for an answer. Just mistakes that they didnt realize would happen. Sun!Lunar literally being a result of trying to put code back in but just making a New Person instead. So they continue to find a way to help Sun (Solar just... desperately not trying to think about how unlikely that could be) OH YEAH REMEMBER WHEN MOON PROMISED TO FIX SOLARS STAR AND HIS MOON AND SUN??? YEAH??? well rip that that. We aint gonna think about that. what else can i ramble about POKEMON AU WHERE U HAVENT SEEN IN A WHILE BUT SOLAR FLARE... I FINALLY... FIGURED OUT HOW I WANNA DRAW/DESIGN HIM LOL Space AU i cant recall what ive shared ever. But Love me some thinking about how theyre made and their differences. Lots of cute ship stuff. Yes I forget to share those. Theres more bean au stuff i was thinking over too like when bloodmoon comes in. I definitely wanna think about his like... whole thing about trust and death and instance on not being a tool. Its partly why he doesnt get along well with Eclipse (Someone to put the aggression onto vs killcode who in this au actually still calls him son, Lunar this time round since NOT a hostage a better reception. Sun still has a panic attack. yknow i remembered solar WOULD actually exist.... one thing at a time i need to make a list of things here and there.)

[stars4-max]

Reasons why I think I'm certain character from twisted wonderland.... under the cut

tw — talks of starvation, isolation, death, abandonment, underlining stalking, horror, bullying... not talking of these by a lot but there are mentions so heres your warning

Idia, Malleus, Riddle, Rook, Azul

1. Idia Shroud

❝ Hey. ...So, uh, can I go now? ❜❜

— Okay hear me out. Listen. If you knew me personally or even if you don't I think you'd realize just how often I don't leave my room or go outside even if i want to

— I'm relatively always on the internet reading, playing games, drawing, watching YouTube, yknow.

— I don't go to sleep at reasonable times even when I say goodnight and if it weren't for the fact I'm tired 24/7 with no real energy I would NOT be sleeping in for even an hour. ((which happens anyway sometimes))

— I dislike irl interactions (unless I trust u a bunch) and I honestly try to avoid it as much as I can.

— I'm only /open/ to close friends(who I will see as family), my partner, or my cousin and I'd let them enter my space with no consequences

— I forget when I should eat and just avoid it whenever I can/want to because of personal reasons.

— Sometimes I forget to care for my hygiene ((dw I shower everyday when I have the will to stand))

— I put myself down faster than you can blink or I keep calling people names ((none offensive, think like... idk, tree or smth.)) to hype myself up

— I really.. and I mean really.. have a lot of family oriented trauma and if I could I would genuinely make a robotic family of how my family was before to me.

— that's not it but it gets more personal as I go on so erm

— #1

2. Malleus Draconia

❝ You aren't afraid of me. But I'm starting to become afraid...of losing you. ❜❜

— Now. Hear me out. #2

— For some reason, when I would ask my friends of what they first thought of me it was always "I was intimidated" or something of the sort and I would genuinely get so confused while looking like this.

— I don't get invited much to anything or get asked if I wanna join something a lot but theres this one person who makes sure to ask me if I wanna play games or watch videos together a lot like Malleus and Yuu ((PLATONIC YUU FOR ME DAWG. I SEE HER AS MY MOTHER.))

— I get isolated a lot in my family and if I wanna be around people I gotta do it myself (which is hard) and sit there but still be overlooked

— I'm not as in touch with my emotions as I make myself out to be, I'm very much out of them and I'm only really acting as to how I think people would want me to

— I don't understand human customs hel. Like I genuinely get so confused and be in awe when I see things others see like everyday

— I have big issues with abandonment and death when it comes to close friends (I'm talking like 4 year friendship and stuff.) or family I've grown attached to (my cousin), I'd genuinely do anything if it meant they'd stay with me ((vague spoilers lol!?))

— I take what my friends say very seriously if they aren't indicating that they're joking no matter what I sound like. That being said I make jokes unintentionally sometimes when im not even meaning to be funny

3. Riddle Rosehearts

❝ How was that? Do you understand the full extent of my capabilites now? ❜❜

— You don't have to hear me out on this one I'm a little shocked too.

— When I was younger I used to be wayyy too bossy and rude and if anyone even apposed me I would get angry and metaphorical go "off with your head"

— The only reason I woupd be so bossy and rude was because of my family and how they'd bend to my every will and encourage my behavior to others because i was a "golden child"

— especially my mom. She would see my bossy self and go "thats my mini me", looks and her personality

— As I grew older that bossy nature lessened of course but there are times i get angry when others dont have the same thought process like me and don't do something correctly in my eyes

— The only reason I don't let that bossy nature slip by is because of the fact I became my own ace and punched and told myself that I'm not the addition of my mother and I'm not the queen of the world

— of course I'll still follow rules but if they're like... unnecessary I'm not following them at all. Especially if its smth like "u MUST tie ur shoes five times" suck my D-'EYE'-C-K fr. 🐈

— I still have anger issues but I try and not let it slip past either. There was a time I got so angry that I was shaking and I had to be held back from attacking someone ((metaphorical "off with your head"))

4. Rook Hunt

❝ Non... Speak not. At this point, I can hear your inner voice just by gazing into your eyes. ❜❜

— I'm not as shocked by this

— For the other three it's more personal but for rook its in all caps PERSONAL. I see beauty in literally all things even if it truly is the most ugliest thing in space

— I can watch people from afar without getting caught exactly but enough for someone to get restless if I want them to be

— There are times I find information of someone on accident and I will be going deep into it. Like deep into it and then I'll forget it because it's not anything needed at that moment

— People either feel safe talking to me or unsafe and I cannot explain why bc even I dont know.

— I would wear outdoor boots for/with everything if I could and ik it would make people scream in horror.

— talking about horror i would watch detailed horror movies just to say how beautiful it can be and the symbolisms.. etc.

— I can also read characters kinda well??!?! and write them sorta well???!?? idk how to explain it but give me enough time with watching a character and I'll tell you exactly why I think they act the way they do or think the way they do or feel the way they do or how they would react to xyz, etc.

— even when I or my friends dont like someone I don't just base my reaction on that ((like I'm not a fan of neige or vil but if you told me to choose between the two I could not. both of their characters are good and if you wish I can even try to explain how.))

— I had a phase where I would speak in one language for a while ((spanish)) but i forgot what I used to say however half the time it was always me sayinf "i love you" to others i loved

— I called someone my butterfly once i think???? Cant remember who

5. Azul Ashengrotto

❝ What do you think? I have remarkable potential, don't I? ❜❜

— IF YOU KNEW ME IRL SINCE BASICALLY BIRTH YOU'D UNDERSTAND.

— I used to get bullied for a lot of things, my weight, my hair, my skin, my clothes, how i act, my glasses, my grades, how my moods would change drastically, my gender, etc

— So even when I was younger than I am now, I would see if others needed me to do something so I could gain favors or just get blackmail to raise over their heads for them to do smth for ME

— I was a people pleaser and a people eater no in-between.

— Unlike azul I didn't have a floyd or jade with me and it was just me myself and I

— LIKE azul I got a lot of people indebted to me lol.

— I would change myself and how I acted with people irl and on the internet to get literally every favor i could. I would know everything abt someone and they would feel like they HAD to help me with smth bc of that or bc i would show my more pathetic side

— I got so insecure of myself that I would try to take down any pictures i had of myself so that I could be "free" of the embarrassment.

— my family wouldn't help

— unlike azul I would do a lot of things to ensure i was skinny and cute and nice to others perspectives that I'd starve myself... so um.... yeahh.......

[kozykricket]

one thing that i really dont like thats come out of minecraft not being an indie game is ...the efficiency and formulaic development like, okay, its not being exploited like gamefreak does, but its also... mm, seeing videos of like, prior devs talking about AGILE design... for maximum efficiency of pleasing both players and shareholders/higher ups is. ominous to me but what peeves me is when this also means that they tend to be like... they add/improve stuff in like, bundles? yknow what i mean? they'll wait until they can do an entire overhaul or add new things to a system to... add some nice basic QoL to it (or fix an issue pertaining to it). like hey, finally we can edit signs. but also uh, we had to wait until they added hanging signs and editing the other side of signs and like- that just makes a QoL feature... involve a whole lot more on their part, because it involves texturing, modelling, and all that. when like, what if i just wanted to edit signs, like really badly. pretend its a more pressing matter of a qol change that you really want and dont wanna wait several updates for, for when they finally get to the... The Ladder Update, including new Tiers of Ladders or some shit idk its like bleghhh i dont like that they're that efficient and wait till they're really gonna commit to touching a certain thing in the game to... do a simple change to it. alongside larger changes i get that its efficient!! but cmon!!

[goblinbugthing]

ok so there’s stuff in my brain again. thoughts

basically i have this group of 7 ocs that i originally made during my dra phase and haven’t touched in years, but ive been thinking about them a lot recently and ive started to feel like revamping their characters, giving them a good old redesign, and rewriting them and their story.

ofc im gonna remake them so they’re less. yknow, really terribly written. but when i say i wanna rewrite their story i mean i wanna turn it into a fic, instead of just remaking them and leaving them alone and rotting again.

im gonna ramble more under the cut, but that’s the basics of what’s happening in my brain rn

(cw for mentions of cults, human experimentation, death/murder, and implied abuse)

anyway, these guys are pretty old characters — i made the first two of them when i was like 11 — and so of course, they are. Not Good. and its gonna take a solid amount of work to actually fix them up and make them decent. but i really want to.

lemme introduce their dumbasses real quick:

first of all, we’ve got jay! real creative name, i know (/sarcasm). they’re 16, agender, intersex, and bisexual, using they/them pronouns, and they’re a human experiment. they were abandoned when they were 6 by their (super religious) parents who thought they were a fucking demon, and they got picked up by some cultists that claimed to work for an orphanage. spoiler alert, they did not work for an orphanage, and those fuckers grabbed jay, dragged them to a facility, and experimented on them for the next 10 years. those experiments turned them into a shapeshifter. dont ask me how because i dont know. they’ve also got several very badly written mental illnesses, as is the usual with creepypasta ocs. oh yeah they were a creepypasta oc btw

then there’s jay’s gf, willow. she’s 17, cis, pan, and ace, using she/her pronouns, and she’s just a normal human girl with no special abilities. but she does have a shitty dad and a dead mother. she and jay kill her dad after a bunch of Wild Shit. violent revenge, yay!

aaand cora. she’s 17, cis, bisexual (i think, i cant find her info anywhere), and uses she/her. she’s jay’s identical twin, and also a normal human, but she has psychokinesis. like she can move stuff with her brain. cool

next on the list is sigasi. she’s 21, cis, and aroace, using she/her pronouns, and she’s also a human experiment. jay sees her as an older sister, but they’re not actually related. she’s not a shapeshifter like them, but she’s got weird void claw hands and some fucked up wings that don’t work.

and then oh dear god, delta sun. he’s 26 (i think), cis, neptunic, demiromantic, and asexual, using he/him pronouns, and he’s in the same boat as jay and sigasi. instead of being kidnapped, though, he was given to the cultists by his mother (who thought he was a demon) and was raised in the experimentation facility. also, he’s half angel. his dad is an angel while his mom is a (super religious) human.

and SPEAKING of delta’s mom, it’s hope! she’s technically in her 50s but she died at 27, cishet and uses she/her pronouns. she’s essentially just hara before hara, but she is SO MUCH MORE INSANE. LITERALLY. she’s super religious and superstitious, she’s scared of everything, she’s been gaslit and indoctrinated into the same cult that the human experimenting fuckwads are in, she’s dead, she’s fucking crazy, she’s so badly written. i love her.

and as for delta’s dad, that would be ea. he’s 427, completely genderless, and doesn’t label his sexuality. uses all pronouns because fuck it, and they’re a somewhat biblically accurate angel. i dont have much info on him unfortunately, and what i do have written down is unimportant.

as you can see, three of them are human experiments. this is because i had a phase where i was obsessed with human experimentation. i thought it was so fucking cool.

anyway! the lore behind these bastards is super complex and ive been hyperfixating on that for a few days. i dragged some old shit out of the abyss to actually remember stuff about them, and uh. god theyre so badly written it hurts me.

fuck it im making a lore doc

[wqxianvents]

im in fucking tears, i made a new ssum account a week and some change ago bc ive been off my first for MONTHS but i still have the original activated, right… and i decided to start june’s on there but again – dont go on it bc im on the new account now so the other one i just visit every once in awhile bc why not and fuck

JUNE’S MESSAGES FOR WHEN YOU DONT JOIN THE CHAT HAS ME SADDD 😭😭😭 MY BABYYY, he’s like “no answer from you…”, “why arent you coming to the chat room…?”, “you’re not replying… you didnt leave bcz u were disappointed in me, did you? :(“ LIKE STFU IM SORRY 😭😭😭

this is why i refuse to do june’s route on the new account until i finish Harry and Teo’s. I can handle those two at the same time (👀) besides my batteries running out like hell and if i miss out on their chats, i’ll be okay. emotionally. NOW JUNE ON THE OTHER HAND 😭😭 hes getting my full attention nuh uh, i refuse to have him ignored pls

spoilers belooowwe??? (mention harry’s route, big spoiler for some. mention some stuff that happens in june’s route that i have seen on twt/x that are spoilers if you havent touched his route)

anyways. i also see alot of people disliking june and yknow, whatever, everyone has their own taste igig the reasons are just annoying to me LOL. henri tho… heard abt that lil dude… he sounds horrible lol.

if henri isnt a good person why do people ship him with june, side eye… also i read smth that henri blamed jumin for something HE (henri) did. idk man 😭 if this is true he can gtfo tbh. i dont rlly mind the whole “flirting” they do or what not but like, if he henri isnt a good person, i dont want him near june?? not on some jealousy shit but just, why would i want someone toxic or whatever near someone i care for…😁

anyways june is a cutie i wanna play his route so bad 🫡 i’ll be your gn prince you’ll be my male princess #real, now these other two mfs, mr teo and mr harry… WDYM WE BREAK UP WITH HARRY….. OR VISE VERSA 😭😭😭 NOOO…. do we stay w teo… pls. i will cry.

[atiny-piratequeen]

First off, I apologize that’s it’s been minute since I said a simple, how are you? Since all I’ve been doing is word spouting stuff about atx for the last hundred asks. So with that being said, Is your day going good? Hopefully someone not touching the sky with their age tries for you hand, it’s exhausting having only boomers hit on you right?

When I was working my last job, some of them found it quite delightful 😒😒 I was the youngest there and I will never not be traumatized about this one time this couple who worked we me both tried to go behind each others back trying to hit on me. I was so shook when I found out they were together 😭😭😭😭😭 I was like… nah fam I’m good.

Back on the atx note (sorry) but do the boys (those that don’t have a specific diet like jjongie) have any favorite meals, beverages, animals to snack on? And do some of them feed off of magical energy or emotions? (Ex: could woo potential feed off of cosmic or chaotic energy lingering in the air).

Its exhausting because im in a medical type job for these instances, you're expected to just smile and nod along and while i definitely do not do that shit, theres a limit to how rude i can be to defend myself. Which is ass bc i very much would like to tell them to go fuck themselves lmao. Yall cant even take care of yourselves and you got the unmedicated gall to hit on me??? Like ive had more sexual harassment in this place by mfs who are like. My grandma's age and that makes me wanna literally swallow a brick.

As far as how im doing aside form that...eh? Kind of stressing because ive been in a creative mood and i haven’t been able to get the shit i want done as fast as i want it done. Not to mention I've gotten back into drawing (Yeolanni's birthday is the same day as Yeosang’s and next week im going to be streaming with Penny and i want to have my avatars finished by time its stream time and im not satisfied with what i have so far). Im also kind of stressed because im cracking my ass to save for my car especially because i got this unfavorable time limit to get it and i feel like im getting nowhere.

That is,,,wild bro what the fuck?? This isnt rizz this is harizzment

Woo eats any and everything but he also a world eater. Piss him off? Chomp. Your planet is gone. Looking for something spicy? Swallow a star. Apparently it goes down like pop rocks.

Yunho eats souls but also people....mostly souls though.

Mingi goes hunting with San (the rare times the kitty comes out of the den without a fight), but he needs to eat bigger animals/monsters to even remotely get full. A party of dumbass human adventurers who think they can slay him to get his treasure works well too. They dont even get to see the twinkle of his treasure.

Hongjoong and Seonghwa eat your average seafood-based diet. With the occasional human thrown in the mix. Depends if we're in a silly goofy lil mood.

Yeosang is primarily one that feeds off of the energy of his forest. Thats why he can instantly tell when its disrupted. He also feeds off of fear (and joy but yknow)

[lovestrucksuggestion]

hey, sorry if this is too much or smth, but i really don't wanna tell anything to my friends i fearike it'd be "too real" AND OBVIOUSLY I WANT IT TO BE REAL BUT, i don't know, i feel like i'll jinx or fuck it up somehow if i tell it;;

hello, again, okay so, a few weeks back we had this thesis project 6 per group and ive had converstaions w all of them except for 1.

by this point i was lamenting over a past love, we werent necessarily together since we were like, idk 14 or smth when it happened and its been 7 years, we kinda drifted apart after graduation since i thought 'it wouldnt last anyway' and i kept rejecting their advances for a year or two, but i still liked them;;; anyway back in 2020 we got in touch again and i told them that i still liked them and i was just dumb and all that and they seemed to return my advances and ofc i asked if they were comfortable and not just going w the flow yknow and they said yes so.

i confessed and they said not yet cause of school stuff but they do like me still and so i said id wait, THEN it was all okay since we joke and all that but they always seem to reject when i ask them directly about us or like even just to meet up or smth, and ofc i get it so i try not to bother them too much until valentine's rolls in and they post smth on ig with them and their friends and theres this girl with a solo shot of her being goofy and smiling and i just.

idk i took it as a sign to stop since he always used to do that w me before so yeh.

and then like with school i just got lost in all it and directed every ounce of my passion so we finished some stuff quite early, theres only 2 big ones of them we needed to do so a member suggested to split the work between us six. one of thems easier than the other so i got grouped with the guy i havent talked to, kinda scared abt it but all was fine. i added him (lets call him graham) on facebook so we could talk in messenger about planning what to do and all that, then after i found that he's friends with another group member who happened to be someone im close with, kinda AND they messaged me so i asked whats up cause i thought it was abt the project and they reply with smth along the lines of "nothing, graham's just rlly overjoyed since u addrd him cause he likes u" AND IM WHAT CAUSE IM P SURE WEVE NEVER MET then he follows it up w "ure his type, smart and hardworking" AND I DONT HAVE THE HEART TO TELL THAT IM A FALSE ADVERTISEMENT CAUSE IM RLLY NOT ALL THAT AND IM SCARED OF DISAPPOINTING ANYONE

anyway they let it be and i didnt think much of it cause maybe theyre just messing around yknow so nothing much happened, we finished the project and everything's all right until we were grouped for another thing through our society/club whatevr and i was kinda nervous since its my first time meeting them and everything was fun actually turns out it was graham's bday last tuesday so i greeted him and we joked a bit cause wednesday's the club thingy, i didnt even know what he looked like since his pfp's from when he was a kid

wednesday rolls in and im in the library with a friend, a mutual friend of ours and he said hello to me and i was so happy somehow??? I DONT REALLY GET IT MYSELF I USUALLY TAKE SO LONG TO ACCLIMATIZR TO SOMEONE BUT LIKE THE CLUB THINGY WENT WELL AND WE WERE JOKING BY THE END OF THE DAY AND I JUST, i think i like him as well?? he even asked to take a picture with me he seemed so nervous i wanted to hug him I ACTUALLY THOUGHT ITD BE OUR WHOLE GROUP IN THE CLUB but it turns out it wasnt so !!!!!!

thursday comes and we messaged a bit (he chatted first, abt the thesis) we were in a seminar and i was a bit late that day so i was at the back and our other classmates r upfront w him so never really met, until a friend of mine and i were going home and we MET THEM ON THE TRAIN ISTG MY HEART WAS JUMPING UNTIL I GOT HOME SMILING LIKE AN IDIOT WHILE WALKING

okay sorry but like, tldr, im a bit afraid that i only "like" him cause he liked me first, yknow after i waited for the previous person and evrything for so long and receiving little to nothing ++ i think his expectation of me's kinda high im neither smart nor hardworking im just anxious all the time so i have to do my work quick or else i'll die and some part of me's still doubting his feelings for me as just a prank cause nsjdhbf idk im not really pretty too so whats up why is this happrning but he's so fucking cute (generally) and i am falling as well and im scared cause we'd be graduating in a year so what if this also doesnt end quite well and i end up losing a friend?

i kinda also wanna just come up to him and invite him for a date but yeh :( and yesterday my phone died and i was stoked to meet him but he wasnt at uni so i was kinda sad then i find out the previous person i like messaged me and idk they were kinda flirty and i feel bad if i leave them again cause ive done it once and i was only left with regrets so what if im just repeating history aaaa its so hard to like manage everything too if graham and i somehow manage to be together im not great at balancing things what if i let him slip away or smth

again sorry for this i just wanted to know what other people think i really wanna shoot my shot at the same time i feel like im a people pleaser so yknow what if im just doing this cause of attention or smth idk huhu thanks in adavmce if u answer this but no hatd feelings if u dont thank u boo

Hello, you seem very stressed out! Please take several deep breaths, put on some calming music and remember that none of this is life or death.

First of all, you're right to let this past love go, it's simply not in the cards and I'm proud of you for recognizing that. Throw the whole man away, if he makes you feel bad(even if he's not doing it on purpose!) you don't need that drama.

I'm not going to diagnose you with anything over the internet, especially not based on one interaction, but I will say that in this ask specifically, you are exhibiting pretty high levels of anxiety and worry that it might be good to speak to a professional about. Your university should have free mental health services, if you have insurance you can call and ask what providers they cover, and failing that, there are many therapists and psychiatrists who offer sliding scale coverage for low income patients.

Alright, now that's done, what needs to happen here is something that I know you will not like, but is pretty much mandatory-you need to have a conversation with Graham. It's okay if it turns out you only like that he's interested in you, and when you get to know him you're less into him. You're not asking him to marry you after all. It's also okay if you're not smart or funny or hardworking (I think you're being too hard on yourself, but even so, it's okay).

If you talk with him and express your interest, you can set a boundary on how you like to be complimented(i.e., low pressure compliments that don't comment on your abilities) and specify if you want something casual just to see how you vibe. Even if you graduate, you might stay together, or you might not. You definitely won't know unless you try.

Also, who cares if you want attention???? you're human, that's totally natural. You're not gonna go to Needy Jail for it.

All that to say:

go to therapy

figure out what you want (in general and from Graham specifically. You can do this in therapy)

stop talking to past love

start talking to Graham about what you want

remember that even if things end up less than ideal, it's okay