#like they are extremely non-distinct from each other it's crazy bad

[ganondorf]

i think one of my fave loz fandom interactions is this person who claimed that i was genuinely saying zelink was incest because i made a joke about them looking like they'd be on the Siblings Or Dating insta when the joke in the first place was a jab at how bad botw's character design is

[kuiperblog]

Feel-good “bad ends”

Movie protagonists are often breaking the rules. This is true even when our protagonists are on the right side of the law: after all, nobody’s perfect. (And if they were, we probably wouldn’t like them as much: after all, it’s hard for a character to have a “growth arc” if they start from a place of perfection. And making occasional mistakes reminds us that, just like us, they’re only human: they’re more relatable.)

But when our protagonists break the rules, it often leads toward one of two different endings: either they get caught and punished for their transgressions (which can make for a feelbad ending), or they get away with it scot-free. Most movies opt for the latter, but it can often feel unsatisfying, because there’s a real sense in which we want to see our protagonists reap the consequences of their actions.

Usually, it’s not a problem for them to suffer the consequences if their transgression is minor. For example, if the main character says something mean to his love interest, he can get a slap in the face -- and having paid for his transgressions, he can then immediately be rewarded with whatever feel-good conclusion the audience is in the mood for.

However, sometimes the protagonist’s transgressions are more dire, and demand more dire consequences. Recently, I’ve found two movies that manage to end with something that is, in an objective sense, a very bad outcome for the main characters, and exactly in proportion to what they deserve for their significant transgressions during the film, yet still allows for a “feel-good” ending. Naming those examples would by itself probably be a spoiler, so...spoilers for an Edgar Wright movie and a Pixar movie (and a Rocky movie) below the fold.

Heist movies are the classic example of a movie formula where the protagonists break a ton of rules and, in the case of a feelgood ending, basically can’t suffer any consequences. Either they get caught and it’s a moral aesop about how crime doesn’t pay, or they get away with it and we’re happy that our characters, who are really quite morally virtuous apart from their tendency to commit acts of robbery, are able to enjoy the spoils they’ve absconded with.

Baby Driver is a movie that I think strikes the perfect balance.  In the end, our main character Baby doesn’t get away with his crimes. He’s committed a lot of crimes, and been involved in a lot of robberies. And not the non-violent kind, either!

At the same time, Baby was always “one of the good ones.” He was never the guy who held the gun; he was always the one behind the wheel. In fact, for basically his entire criminal career, he was blackmailed into it. Of course, the lazy method would be for the judge to have pity on him -- he was forced to commit crimes! But that would be ignoring the fact that the entire reason he got blackmailed in the first place is that he happened to steal a car from a criminal kingpin -- Baby was boosting cars well before a villain put a gun to his head and forced him to do it.

But as we see Baby marched to his prison cell, it’s intercut with testimony during his trial. Everything that we could have said in Baby’s defense is articulated by witnesses speaking in his defense:

“He got himself into a bad spot. I was just trying to get him out. I believe the defendant is of good character. He didn't deserve what happened to him.”

“It was the strangest thing. Before he drove off, he threw my purse right at me. Then he actually said ‘I'm sorry.’” (A delightful callback to a comedic moment earlier in the movie: Baby might resort to carjacking when he’s in a pinch, but he is the most polite carjacker you will ever meet. He doesn’t need your valuables; he just needs a getaway vehicle.)

“He made a mistake when he was younger, and it's haunted him ever since. When he tried to get out, he was pressured even harder. It was never his fault. He's got a good heart. Always has. Always will.”

Maybe it’s the fact that Sky Ferreira’s cover of Lionel Richie’s “Easy Like Sunday Morning” is the musical bed for this scene, but there’s something about the scene that feels incredibly cathartic. Baby Driver might be our protagonist, but he’s not innocent in all of this. His actions have consequences, and he gets sentenced to prison time for them.

At the same time, we’re left with the distinct impression that he has a life waiting for him on the outside. At the very least, Deborah is there waiting for him.

We can rest assured that Baby has no desire to return to a life of crime -- he and Deborah will be content with a modest life together. Indeed, a “modest life” is never something that either of them would need to settle for. Having a quiet simple life has been their aspiration for as long as they’ve known each other. Baby ends the movie knowing that he has years of prison time ahead of him, but also knowing that he’s on the start of a path to redemption. It’s enough to put a skip in his step as he walks across the prison yard.  (Well, maybe not a literal skip in his step, but at the very least, it’s written on his face: he feels good about the path he’s on.)

Baby Driver came out in 2017, but I’ve already lost count of how many times I’ve watched it. I think the ending is a big part of what keeps me coming back to it. I love this ending -- there’s really nothing like the catharsis of seeing Baby held to account for his actions, while also having his virtues acknowledged. Those virtues might not be enough for him to avoid punishment, but in a way, his virtue its its own reward.  It’s a heist movie that ends with the main character getting caught and spending years behind bars, and yet it’s an incredibly feelgood ending that just leaves you satisfied for all the right reasons. (After all, we’ve seen the fate of Baby’s confederates: we know that he could have encountered fates much worse than prison.) There’s really nothing like it.

Well, almost nothing. Last night I finally got around to watching Monsters University.

It’s a fun movie -- the central plot is the classic “underdog sports story.” Mike Wazowski has no talent for scaring -- according to the bigshot jock voiced by Nathan Fillion, the only way someone like Mike could end up working at a place like Monsters Inc is in the mailroom. Of course, because this is a prequel, we know that Mike’s story ends with him and Sulley being best buds together working at the Monsters Inc scream factory, so the odds can’t be that stacked against them, right?  After all, the stakes are too high for them to fail: besides the fact that they need to be ready for the events of Monsters Inc, Mike is able to parley for a chance to get into the university’s scare program only because he makes an agreement with the Dean that if he fails, he’ll leave the school. With stakes that high, it seems only inevitable that Mike and Sulley will fulfill the classic underdog trope and lead a team of lovable losers to victory through sheer force of will (and the power of friendship).

Except, as we find out, force of will and the power of friendship aren’t enough to win you the big game when the thing you’re being tested on is talent and athleticism. Mike gets to experience the triumph of victory...but quickly learns that it only happened because Sulley cheated.

Mike and Sulley both bit off more than they could chew, and made a number of poor choices along the way. Sulley, unable to accept loss, cheated to achieve victory. Mike, unable to cope with experiencing loss, breaks into the university’s door department to mope around in the human world -- which is strictly verboten and extremely dangerous. 

But...in the course of solving the problem that they’ve created themselves (combining their efforts to escape the human world by using scare techniques the likes of which have never been seen before), we learn that Mike and Sulley do have what it takes. The Dean recognizes it, too. It almost feels like she’s about to offer them leniency. After all, this is a prequel movie: we know that all of this has to end with Mike and Sulley working at Monsters Inc in the scare department, right? That means the Dean has to let them back into the university’s scare program! Surely their acts of daring and bravery show they have what it takes to make it in the Monsters University scare program!

And so it comes as no surprise when, at the end of the third act, the Dean comes out just as they’re about to depart. We see what looks like a smile on her face for the first time in the movie.

Except, of course, it would be crazy if they got off scot-free. Mike broke into the human world, which is about the worst possible thing a monster can do. And if the cheating scandal weren’t enough to sink Sulley, there’s also the fact that he followed Mike into the human world (his intentions were noble as he wanted to save his friend, but still extremely dangerous and just as verboten).

The Dean has nothing but kind things to say to them. But that doesn’t mean she’s going to rescue them from the consequences of their actions.

The two get no leniency. We feel an odd mixture of elation and defeat. On one hand, they got the validation that they craved: the Dean, who thought it was impossible for Mike Wazowski to ever be a scarer, now admits that she may have misjudged him. On the other hand, their lives are ruined. They must now reap what they have sown. What will become of their dreams now? And maybe more importantly, how the heck are we supposed to get from here to the events of the original movie that takes place several years later in the Monsters Inc chronology?

And then, Mike remembers something.

“You know, there is still one way we can work at a scare company. They’re always hiring in the mail room.”

Mike and Sulley start at the absolute bottom rung of the corporate ladder. But there are worse fates than doing blue collar work. After all, the entire theme of the underdog sports story that got us to this point was to show that Mike (and, with Mike’s encouragement, also Sulley) are the kind of monsters who will do whatever it takes to achieve their dreams, simply willing it to happen through sheer enthusiasm and force of will and, of course, the power of friendship. After all, anything can be fun when you’re doing it with your friends. As Sulley says, “This is better than I ever imagined!” They approach the job with an enthusiasm that tells us that they’re on their way up within this company.

The rest of their journey is shown to us in montage: 

They’ve got that ambition, baby. This week they’re mopping floors, next week it’s the fries:

Of course, it’s only a matter of time before the company holds “try-outs” for the scare team, and from there, the rest is history.  Plus, if the original movie is fresh enough in your mind, you’ll appreciate the easter egg references to the girlfriend that Mike met during this time (and the constant beratement he constantly got over needing to file his paperwork): 

Over the course of the movie, they made some good decisions -- mostly the ones relating to the power of friendship and hard work. They also made some bad decisions -- mostly relating to playing fast-and-loose with the rules of their institution. Their college careers come to an unceremonious end.

And yet, even though the movie ends with them getting kicked out of college and spending “the best years of their lives” working blue collar jobs, it feels like an undeniably happy ending for the two of them. They reap exactly what they sow -- for worse, and for better. They don’t get to hide from the consequences of their actions...but that doesn’t mean things have to end on a dour note.

There’s something I really dig about that. It feels exactly like the first Rocky movie: Rocky is an athlete who trained and tried and fought as hard as he could -- and still lost. And yet, though he lost the big boxing match, there’s dignity in his loss. And in the end, he succeeded at the thing that really mattered.

In all three of these movies, it feels as though we as the audience are being set up for a specific happy ending. Of course Baby Driver has to end with the getaway driver getting away. Of course Monsters University has to end with Mike and Sulley graduating from the scare program. Of course Rocky has to end with our main character winning the big climactic boxing match. But in the end, we don’t get these “obvious” endings, because getting them wouldn’t really be a reflection of everything that led up to that point. And yet, we don’t walk away disappointed, because we somehow get something better. These characters may not get the “obvious” reward, the thing that they thought they wanted (and the thing that we, as the audience, thought that we wanted). But they get the things that really matter.

[secondhand-trash]

Crystal Clear

A/N: All these gloomy looking boys with aesthetically pleasing character design is making me THRIVE. (Also, I was gonna post this on Saturday because yay algorithm but then I wanted to get it out by Halloween aka the last day of @villainmonth even though au is for day 27​ so here ya go)

(au masterlist)

Pairing: seer!Dabi x reader

Description: The person you worked for happen to be able to see into the future and he was convinced that you would be in love with him. You weren’t buying it though.

Warning: non-consensul touching from a third character under alcoholic influence (nothing too major but putting a heads up just in case)

Word count: 3945

Playlist:

Somebody Else//The 1975

Norman fucking Rockwell//Lana Del Ray

Drunk Text Romance//Cyberbully Mom Club

-

“You are going to fall in love with me.”

You looked up from your desk to meet the piercing blue eyes of the man you were working for, “Is that a question, a statement, a challenge, or a threat? Because no matter which one it is, that’s pretty much not gonna happen.”

Dabi placed his palms on your desk and leaned forward, towering you slightly with a smirk on his face. “We’ll see about that,” he said, sounding as cocky as always, “I see it very clearly in my vision and you’ve worked with me for long enough to know that my predictions are never wrong.”

You didn’t say a word as you couldn’t quite argue with that. Dabi made a name for himself for being a brilliant seer at such a young age. He was young and good-looking, mysterious with a snarky personality, the full package for media adoration. The internet’s opinion on him was polarized, a lot of people practically worship him but not without an equal amount of people who hated his guts, not that he cared at all. But no matter how people felt about him, there was no denying that he was frighteningly good at what he did, giving off extremely accurate readings to each and every single person who came to ask for a glimpse into their future.

The media had been digging into the origin of his great talent but they never found anything. Dabi hid a lot more from the light than most would expect but you distinctively remember the time he had you closed up the shop early and pulled out a bottle of vodka, pushing the glass that you didn’t even know he store in the shop in front of you despite your protest before taking a swing from the bottle directly himself. You did not know what gone over him that day but he looked almost distressed so you stayed. Half of the bottle was gone when he told you in a slurred voice how he got the ability to see into the future. He stared at you with those eyes of his that was so clear you almost mistaken them as glass and told you that the sight was given to him in a bet with a demon on the same day many, many years ago.

He did not tell you if he won the bet or not.

You, on the other hand, was just a poor college student who needed a job to afford rent. You came across the flyer that had “assistant for hire” written on it in a barely comprehensible handwriting with dark purple ink that gave off an odd glow when you looked at it under the sun. You were skeptical of it, it did not look legit at all and a chain of patterns that looked like runes were scribbled on the back of the thin paper in the same purple ink. Not to mention the salary it was offering seemed to be a bit too high for it to be real. It could very likely be a scam or some trap but you were really desperate and people do stupid things in desperate times.

Which led to the current moment, two years after you pushed all survival instincts to the back of your head walked into the shop that was hidden in a quiet corner at the back alley of a busy market, being mildly annoyed by the man you were the assistant to.

Dabi’s smirk only widened when you rolled your eyes. You were just about to make a remark about how your feelings was a matter for you to decide when the crisp chime of the small bell hanging on the door frame of the shop caught your attention. You looked towards the door to see a young man timidly entering the shop. Getting up, you greeted the customer with a small smile and started going through the details of his booking. Seeing that you had no intention to give him any attention and getting slightly bored by the business talk, Dabi uninterestedly turned around and lifted the heavy curtain to the back room where the scrying sessions usually take place.

With a hand lifting the fabric and his back facing the reception, Dabi took last quick glance at the man before disappearing into the room. He could not pin point what exactly gave him the feeling but something about that seemingly kind face gave off the aura of a bad omen, and he was never wrong about an omen.

“Can I leave work a bit earlier today?”

“What? Why?” Dabi tried to hide the shock on his face as he peaked out from the curtains to look at you. In the two years you had been working for him, you had never asked to leave early or to get an extra day off. There was this one time when he had to dragged you to the doctors himself because you were coughing like crazy but still insisted on showing up to work. It’s not like he couldn’t get any work done if you left just a few hours earlier than usual but knowing that he could hear your laugh as he passed by to make fun of unbearable customers in your ear made those few painful hours just a bit less miserable.

“I have a date,” you didn’t see the way his face dropped as you started organizing the waiting area of the shop, “remember Yamamoto, the guy who had an appointment a few days ago? He gave me his number before he left and he’s taking me to a pier tonight.”

You did not get any response. The silence was stuffing you and you looked up at your boss in concern, “You won’t mind, will you?”

“Yeah, of course,” he tried to sound as unbothered as he could, “it’s just, that man gave off the wrong vibes.”

“Everyone gives off the wrong vibes to you,” you laughed and shook your head, “if it has anything to do with your vision that I’ll fall in love with you, do I have to remind you that it’s my choice to make, not yours?”

Dabi wanted to tell you it wasn’t that, that he could feel something off about that Yamamoto. But he couldn’t say it, not when you looked so excited and giddy and it had nothing to do with him. He brought up his vision of you being in love with him to tease you, that was true but he ended up liking that idea a lot more than he thought he would and now it was all he could think of when he looked at you. Dabi trusted very little people and if it had been someone else, he would have do everything to prevent it from coming true. But you, you he could work with. Somehow he didn’t quite mind if his fun-loving assistant who always pick up after him despite complaining ended up falling in love with him. His mind was screaming at you to just open your eyes and see that it could have work. But as much as he knew how scarily accurate his visions could be, he also had the equally accurate knowledge that you did not believe in that at all. So he ignored the screaming of his heart and hummed a word of approval before turning his back to you, disappearing behind the curtains.

You did not talk to him again until you left the shop that day.

You didn’t pay much mind to Dabi’s scrawl whenever Yamamoto showed up at the shop to pick you up for a date. He had been nothing but a kind and loving person to you since your first date a couple months back, you wouldn’t say you were crazy for him but being with Yamamoto was enjoyable no less. He was an average man, nothing that special about him that could make him compare to a powerful seer but it gave you more sense of security than the idea of dating your boss. You couldn’t lie and say that you weren’t just a bit attracted to Dabi or that his smirk didn’t make your knees weak at all, but being in a relationship with him would be a whole other deal. You never know what to expect with him and as charming as it might sound, the idea of being with someone who could easily break your heart in that unpredictable way of his scared you.

Dabi was starting to think that he might have made a mistake. Things between you and that guy was going sickeningly well. So well, that it had him doubting his ability as a seer for the first time since the very devil who gave him all those scars and the power to see into the future in the first place laughed at his face many years ago. He had never seen anything clearer than the sight of you linking your arm in his, looking at him with so much adoration in your eyes but right now those eyes were twinkling at the sight of someone else. It made him feel pathetic at how he wanted him to be the one those eyes linger on instead.

Dabi knew the look of someone who cried themselves to sleep way too well for him to not pick up on your swollen eyes and the blood vessels that’s covering every part of them when you came into work that day. He was going to find and end the person who did whatever they did to make you cry right then and there if you wasn’t there to stop him.

“It’s fine, I’m the one who broke up with him.”

He couldn’t deny that he had been secretly hoping for this to happen for the past few months but seeing your blank expression made his heart ached no less. He was confused, you still looked so smitten with your so-called boyfriend the day before when he waited for you outside the shop, what has happened that night for you to break things off with him?

Your ego was already severely bruised and telling him what happened wouldn’t make it hurt any less. Admitting that Dabi was right and you were wrong would not help your pride at all.

You knew something was off the moment Yamamoto’s voice got just a bit louder than usual after the third cup of wine hit his throat. You let it slide when he got a bit too handsy for your comfort, convincing yourself that it was the alcohol acting up. But you couldn’t pretend that you didn’t hear him vile words left his mouth as he had a hand still resting on your thigh like it was nothing.

“I have no idea how you put up working with that thing. Just seeing that monster’s face make me sick.”

“That person you called a ‘thing’ is my friend.” you tried to keep your composure but nothing could mask that churning in your stomach as the man sitting next to you laughed.

“Oh please, we both know that you only pretend to be his friend because that job pays well.”

He insulted your honor and values, but nothing could compare to the fury you felt at the way he talked about your friend like he was some dirt on the ground that he could step over. You didn’t look back as he yelled after you, storming out of the restaurant right after slapping that asshole across the face.

Dabi’s voice brought you back to reality from your reminiscence of that fail of a break up, “Call the people who are coming over today and tell them that I’m not feeling well.”

“What?” you whispered in disbelief, “We can’t just do that!���

Dabi snorted and forced the phone into your hand, “Of course we can. They’re the ones who needed me, not the other way round.”

“But-”

“Just do as I say,” he said impatiently but there was nothing but concern behind those glass-like eyes that were staring right through you, “what kind of boss would I be if I let you work when you look like this? People are gonna think that I mistreated you for fuck’s sake, we’re going for a drink.”

He sighed in relieve when he saw the faint smile on your face as you obliged his command.

Throughout the rest of the day, Dabi made it his mission that he would get your mind off that prick and he was having a hard time holding back a grin as your laughs echoed in the empty street. You hadn’t have so much fun in a very long time and it was definitely not something you expected to happen right after an ugly break up. It was only the two of you in the empty neighbourhood, you rolled your eyes when Dabi insisted that he would walk you back to your flat, completely oblivious to the fact that it was nothing but an excuse for him to spend more time with you. Only the moon watched on as the seer who knew everything realized he did the one thing he never foresee to ever happen. He fell head first in love with you before you even noticed that he was no longer joking when he brought up the possibility of you feeling the same. The self-doubt did not help when you brushed off each of his attempts at convincing you that what he saw would eventually come true with a laugh, that beautiful sound made his heart flutter and wrench all at the same time.

You stopped in front of a building and turned to face him with a bright smile that contrasted so drastically to the disheveled expression you had this morning. Dabi thought that perhaps, he was allowed to be proud of himself for once and took credit for the change.

“Thanks for today.” you said with your hand on his forearm and the contact was driving him insane. He had to use all of his self-control just to stop the urge to pull you towards him by the arm and close that painful distance between your bodies.

And that’s when he heard that voice screaming at that back of his head again. Those three words echoing through his brain as he greedily basked in the moment when your smile was his alone to see.

I love you.

I love you I love you-

“I love you.”

His heart stayed still as the screaming in his head escaped through his lips and it sank to the bottom of his stomach as your hand that was previously on his arm slowly retreated back. Your eyes were wide and your mouth parted slightly in shock, each part of his mind begging for you to say something.

Your voice broke as you tried to force out a laugh, “No you don’t-”

“Why is it so hard to believe?” Dabi could not control his frustration anymore and his heart cracked at the way you almost flinched at the raise of his voice, “what is so wrong about it that you try so hard to deny that I could be in love with you?”

You wanted to. You wanted to just believe in it and run into his arms, but it was all too much to take in right as you were hurt by someone else. You could hear voices at the back of your head too, and each of them was whispering things that made you fear things you shouldn’t.

You could feel your lips tremble as you used all of your might to pull yourself together, even when the man in front of you looked like he was so close to breaking down. “You know everything and I know nothing about you,” your throat tightened as you forced each word out of your shaking lips, “I’m just afraid of being thrown away, is that all too wrong?”

You could not bring yourself to look into his eyes, those hypnotizing orbs made of crystal that were filled to the brim with pain because of you. You could hear the glass crack. “You think I’ll do that to you?”

“I’m sorry.”

I’m sorry.

That one line burnt through his chest and made his ears sting, the dull ache all too much to handle.

You called in sick to work the next day.

And the day after that.

And the day after that.

It was a cowardly move and it made you feel miserable, but you would much rather shut yourself in than go and face Dabi like nothing happened when everything was different. You could not bear to imagine the way he would look at you, the way those eyes had looked at you when you were too occupied with someone else to notice. If escaping from reality meant that you could pretend like you did not caused his pain, you would defer every minute until you had no choice but to return to the real world.

But the world did not work that way.

You turned off the alarm, and you stilled got up at the exact time you normally did when you would go to work. You picked out the shirt that was in the same dark shade of purple as the ink he used in the shop you wore to work because he always said that it made you blend into the shop more, that you two matched. You brew two portions of coffee when you were living on your own because you brought coffee to work that one time and Dabi did not stop nagging you about it until you started bringing an extra flask for him every day since.

He was so printed into your life that you didn’t even realize how he left his shadow in every part of it until you had the need to stop thinking about him and failed.

Dear god, you missed that bastard so much.

Now you felt stupid, and you felt terrible for pushing him away all for nothing. Because it was Dabi we were talking about. Dabi, who was never wrong about anything. Dabi, who you gladly worked for the past 2 years and made it the happiest time of your life. Dabi, who annoyed you and made you laugh all at the same time. Dabi, who was more concerned about your health than you did most of the time. Dabi, who was the reason why you did not mind going to work every day at all. Dabi, who tried to warn you about someone who eventually hurt you before you even noticed the signs. Dabi, who noticed that you had been crying and forced you to take a day off. Dabi, who made you forget that you just had a breakup the day before because he was just that good. Dabi, who told you that he was in love with you and looked wrecked when you didn’t believe him.

Dabi, who maybe, just maybe you were in love with as well.

Dabi felt miserable. It was nothing new, but he felt even more miserable than he normally did so he was really wallowing in an inhumane amount of misery. You hadn’t shown up in days and he never knew how dysfunctional he was without you until now.

He missed you so god damn much.

He kept trying to tell himself that it was his shop and he would be fine, but everywhere he turned there was something that reminded him that you were here just a few days before. That plant you put beside the door because you said the shop looked like it was lifeless when you just started working here, the small Jack Skeleton poster on the wall that you got him as a gag gift last Christmas because “he reminded me of you”, that half-emptied cereal box in the cupboard that you forced him to keep because you were convinced that skipping breakfast was bad for his health. Everything in the shop was your as much as it was his, and they were all mocking him in the face at how lost he was without you around.

Dabi hated his powers, it was nothing more than a slap in the face that he had no control over his own life. If he had the choice, he would never use it again if it meant that he could finally enjoy life without that voice in his head telling him exactly what would happen before he even get to savor it just a little longer. But now, for the first time in a long while, he closed his eyes and wished for the picture in his head to be the same as the one he saw before. The all-knowing seer who snickered at those who believed in fate now begged for the vision in his head to be unchanged.

The vision was so real that he almost thought that you were actually standing there in front of him instead of some fake image in his head.

Please be real. Please, please, please be real.

“Hey.”

You had so many things you wanted to say to him. You kept practicing the speech inside of your head as you sprinted on the route you knew at the back of your head again and again but when you saw him, standing there with his eyes closed, even the voices in your mind went silent as it gone blank and the only thing you could barely utter was that one word.

“Hey.”

Dabi could feel the lump in his throat as he finally registered that it was all real and he did not made it all up because he went mad. There were so many things he wanted to say to you but he didn’t dare to say anything more than that, too afraid that if he said something wrong, you would disappear again.

“I’m sorry.”

The same words that pained him now brought him the smallest sense of relieve and you almost let out an indecent sob when you heard his reply.

“I missed you.”

And that was all it took for you to crash into him, wrapping him in a tight embrace. Dabi quickly wrapped one arm around your waist, the other brought his hand up to your head and threaded his fingers into your hair. He clutched you tightly in his arms like you would back away at any time if he didn’t hold onto you.

When you finally pulled back, you lost your breath at how close you were to him. You could stare right into his eyes. And those eyes, those eyes you would never grow tired of looking into.

You felt his hot breath fanning your lips as his face was only so little distance away from yours yet he didn’t lean in any further as if he was waiting for a sign. So you gave him one, and locked you lips on his as your hand reached for his chin, your thumb gently caressing the metal studs on the side of his face as he tugged on your bottom lip.

You were breathless when you pulled away, lips numb from the intimacy it just experienced mere seconds ago. As Dabi closed the distance once again, you could hear the smirk in his voice that made you want to punch him and kiss him all at the same time.

“Told you my predictions are never wrong.”

[astyle-alex]

Common Sense Meets the Autism Spectrum:

| a Parental Aide for ALL |

Last month was Autism Awareness Month, and in honor of that I've whipped up a little Parental Aide to help all grown-ups understand neuro-divergence a tiny bit better. I meant to post it here during the last week of April, but I forgot because of the craziness with Finals... But since Autism and neurodivergence doesn’t just magically go away at the end of April, here’s a little skim of it now:

I've recently been chatting with  a new consultation client / parent whose child has been recently diagnosed with Autism, and it got me thinking about the unfortunate nonsense surrounding the entire societal black hole of neuro-atypical / neuro-divergent presentations, especially in 'unusual' cases.

The first thing that needs to be said is IT'S A SPECTRUM, and it's honestly a comprehensive population spectrum, which means that EVERYONE IS ON IT.

Yes, say it with me: Everyone is on the Autism Spectrum.

From being perfectly, generically neuro-typical humans to rage-murder psychopaths to non-verbal, high-physical autistic kids to sociopathic con-artists. It's a SPECTRUM.

Accepting that is the first part of understanding it. And it's sometimes helpful to know in order for parents still in diagnosis shock to have something that reconnects them to their child.  If you've recently received  a diagnosis and you've dissociated at all, or know someone who is in that situation, knowing that the parents and the child involved are both still on the same spectrum, can help.

(It's a sense of cohesion and sameness that parents dream up for offspring, and can be problematic if over-done, which is why parents sometimes force their hobbies / goals onto children or react poorly to LGBTQ+ explorations / self-discoveries, both of which are fodder for plenty of other posts).

Once the spectrum is accepted, we can move on to understanding it better, and to diagnosing attributes of it that are affecting  our lives.  Knowing these attributes can help us navigate them, even in a capacity where the effect of them is not so severe that we call it a neurodivergence.

There's a stigma with mental illness, and autism is a trigger word regarding that, but it shouldn't be. We don't (as much, any more, at least) shame people who don't have clinical anxiety, but still exhibit crowd skittishness or phone distress or choice paralysis. And, honestly, mild autism frequently presents as anxiety, in our current popular understanding, as it's often limited to one or two aspects of life that provoke dramatic aversion responses where as actual, general anxiety is usually a more evenly distributed with lower-key hesitance / avoidance.  Mild autism also presents as ADD / ADHD (and in my opinion the ADD / ADHD diagnosis tools are essentially boiling things down to 'not a psychopath but probably autistic, but not like the autism in in the popular imagination').

We accommodate the small symptoms of both autism and anxiety, adjust what we can and power through what we can't.

That adjustment is a lot easier when we know the triggers for the distress.

Now, the scaling systems I'm about to share are not professional, not part of the DSM, and not a tool of formal diagnosis. Consult a licensed professional before taking any big steps, but take a look at these scaling systems to help start a conversation (even if it's only with yourself). I might have another post on adjustment strategies, because these don't really address the links between presents-as-anxiety and autism, but for now, we're just gonna look at how to start asking questions and how to wrap your brain around the biggest bit of the autism concept.

Again, none of this is a diagnosis or a practical guide on how to cope, but it is helpful to be generally informed enough to start recognizing issues / asking questions about what else might be affected by a given  place on a scale.

So, Autism is a spectrum, right?

Well, technically, it's multiple spectrums.

There are several sub-spectrums that layer over each other.

The crux of it, the most basic version specific to autism, is this:

Understands Emotion  --  vs  --  Does NOT Understand Emotion.

Now there are varied layers of that, such as  'displayed' emotion (like in facial expressions), or 'tonal' emotion (like voice tones), or even  'conceptual' emotion (as in the basic cause / nature of emotionality).

Plenty of kids understand Tonal Emotion (hearing and recognizing the difference between Mum is angry and Mum is happy), but not Conceptual (this is called being young, and usually gets grown out of as kids actually experience {and label} more emotions, the process starts at age 3 or 4, but honestly continues for most of life). Or kids may be able to hear tonal changes and interpret them accurately, but they don't read faces well (this is either a significant indicator of some sort of disconnect or, can indicate that the facial expressions they have seen shift do not shift in a way that is consistent with tonal changes {like if a parent is angry and tries to hide it with a smile}.). Some kids can track the changes in tone and expression but can connect them to a concept (such as 'fear' which doesn't develop as a concept to children until about age 5~7, even in horror-story situations, like children in warzones, only get a really nuanced concept fear a year or two earlier).

The second BIG scale to assess things on is intro- or outro-spective, and it's a 2-for1:

- misunderstand -- VS -- understands OWN emotions  

--  vs  --

- misunderstand -- VS -- understands OTHERS' emotions

AND misunderstands or understands the CAUSES of emotions in self / others, and why those causes and interpretations may be different for various individuals (which requires understanding the concept of there even being varied individuals, a process that ).

This is the line between "I like it, so others DO" vs  "I like it, so others MIGHT", that is difficult for young children. Having a distinct sense of a separate self is actually a complicated psychology process, and it takes over a year for most infants to even recognize that they have a reflection. If understanding the self/others division stays extremely difficult passed age 7-ish, we maybe should look more closely. But at the same time, it's rarely before that 5~7 range when kids begin to understand that shopping for a birthday present for a friend involves thinking about what the friend would like, and not what the kid themselves like.

And there's still gonna be moments of grown-up fan-rage at why don't people ship my ship?,  but all we might wanna do is limit time on Reddit or Tumblr when in anxiety mode.

The final BIG spectrum used in understanding these autism specific neuro-disconnects is one that revolves around concern for the disconnect:

Does not fully understand all aspects of Emotion and CARES that they don't.

--  vs  --

Does not understand and does NOT CARE.

This disconnect leads to Performative Emotion, which means acting the part of emotional responses without a full understanding of all aspects of them. Sometimes this is good, as in exhibiting quiet displeasure even though I think this warrants screaming because, I don't wholly understand what I or others feel, but I do understand the appropriate  / expected response. It can also be very bad, as in someone who understands the emotional response to pretend to have when a pet dies and is aware that doing so can cover that the pet was killed intentionally by said someone.

The last relevant spectrum isn't one that most people find critical, but I think it's important to delineate this one from the caring aspect. The previous note is specifically about caring in regards to the subjects understanding of emotion--and exclusively their understanding of emotion.

It is not a measure of concern for other respects of life, that spectrum is:

Sympathy   --   vs   --   Empathy

Now, defining terms is important here.

- Sympathy = care for how others feel

- Empathy = understanding / comprehension of how others feel

Someone who self-refers as an 'Empath' is actually expressing a high sympathy response, as in, I understand your pain so well, I feel it myself. What they mean to say, is that they understand the feeling and its causes well, and they care so much that they cause themselves to experience it.

This is also the line between Sociopaths and Psychopaths, as most people know it. The truth is a lot more nuanced, but basically, a Sociopath often lacks Sympathy, but has Empathy, where a Psychopath most often lacks both.

A Sociopath understands that they have a disconnect, cares that they do, and hides it by performing the emotive responses they are aware are appropriate (for the most part, occasionally making some exceptions due to exhaustion with the performance, or a lack of genuine care allowing for selective exploitation--making them great sales people / CEO's / business people / lawyers / writers / con-artists / Sherlockian private detectives etc).

A Psychopath either doesn't understand they have a disconnect, doesn't care that they do, or both. They rarely perform emotions and therefore often draw people in who feel trapped and in need of counter culture. They make great cult leaders, but not much else (occasionally business people, but some of them are cult leaders by a pseudonym). They truly CANNOT conform, and that can be seductive / freeing to others, but they also cannot conceive of anyone who decides to follow them ever changing their mind or not experiencing exactly the same  emotions / emotive responses to stimuli as they do.

BOTH are considered extreme presentations of their respective trait.

People with both very high and very low sympathy get exhausted around others.

Because experience other's emotions or pretending to care about others' emotions is HARD. It's work and it's exhausting on both ends.

People with both very high and very low empathy get anxious in not being around others for prolonged periods.

High-Em usually worries over current states (ie, what if something happened to them or what if they hate me now), whereas Low-Em usually worries over reunions (did I forget something someone else would've remembered, birthday, holiday, or that I was gonna bring you something we discussed).

And, as always, Presentations vary. HUGELY.

But sometimes, being told you're looking at an abstract a picture  of a dog, helps you spot the dog in the ink squiggles.

'Normal' isn't a fixed point, it's a range within every single subject presenting mild deviations that come together to form an average in a single person, and are then averaged again across populations.

Such data can always be understood better. And better understandings allow better accommodations to be made.  

Therefore, a given person's place on any part of any one of these spectrums needs to be assessed and reassessed constantly.

Also, if you're interested in learning more / supporting Autism Advocacy, check out a few more resources, but for the love of god DO NOT give money to Autism Speaks. Take a looks at THIS and do some research of your own! ^_^

Again, this is just a vague baseline, and it doesn't address symptoms like Face Blindness (in ability to recognize people by faces) or stimming (self-stimulation or emotive overwhelm release) or even environmental sensitivity (extreme dislike / like of certain noises, colors, light levels / sources, tactile sensations). Even so, it might be informative enough to start getting a conversation started and it'll be helpful for me to refer back to this one while making other Spectrum related posts.

^_~

For more on what I’m getting up to (and for more timely updates), check me out on Patreon!

[jokidden]

My disgustingly long essay presented by me Part 1

After watching the Old guard, my biggest emotion was yeah this is how it should always be! And in my enthusiasm I didn’t even notice the scale of how different this movie is until I actively started to look at how it differs from other superhero/mainstream movies. In a good way. The list could be endless but in this long ass essay I will try to show some of it. (I think this is the main reason why so many lame people found the old guard shitty and wrote negative reviews.) So buckle in folks.

What should we expect normally from a movie like this:

· A strong male lead.

· Strong male characters in all the leader positions.

· Real manly men with perfect buff bodies, no weaknesses or vulnerability, cocky, kinda aggressive, having a female love interest and at least a kiss at the end of the movie.

· Females being emotional compared to the Very Brave, Emotions Are Weaknesses bros and, in a bad case, poorly developed.

· The number of ladies are extremely low.

· Females being „badasses” by beating guys up in tight clothes and heels. Also sexy bods are a must. Nice ass, good legs etc. etc.

· Women die sometimes

· Lotta white people

· Basically non-existent non-white people who are killed off most of the time and also has very little important parts much less being main characters

· Villains shown in a sympathetic light

· Ah yeah also no homosexuals. It’s all Bromance, they aren’t In Love don’t try to insert your sick fantasies here there is no proof!!! (Well it is Time To Choke On Evidence Suckers)

(Spoiler alert: None of the above applies to the Old Guard).

Everything else is under the cut. It's long. And there is more.

Now let’s look at THIS movie:

The two main characters are ladies, one being a (breathtakingly beautiful *heart eyes*) black woman. Team leader: Andy (a woman), she is respected, her team follows her into hell and back and while they don’t question her ability to lead, they do tell her when she is in the wrong (like with Nile). They are both very well thought out characters and very badass without the tight clothes and high heels and mainstream sexy bods.

Okay so let’s talk about Andy. As I stated above she is the team leader, main character, possessing all the ”””manly””””” characteristics. Trying to hide her vulnerability? (Even though she is literally the most vulnerable in the movie, cus, you know, she can die) Check. Not wanting to show weakness? Check. Beats shit up? Check. Aggressive? I mean, yeah. Killing guys with guns and with a double edge axe thingy all ruthless? Check and check. Plus, she also swears because it’s okay for women to swear too. But we still see her cry one little tear when she learns Booker’s reasoning, her trembling lips when she says goodbye to Booker, although she is faces away. She isn’t emotionless she just doesn’t like to show it.

Nile? Also main character. A SOLDIER!! There are women soldiers here guys. She also seems to be the leader among her little women soldier group I think, but maybe I’m wrong, not sure here. So then she dies. (But not really). Loses all her friends and her family. Gets kidnapped by a crazy lady who SHOOTS her when she doesn’t cooperate. And what she does? Fights this like hell, stabbing the crazy lady, trying to beat her up in her frustration and anger. (Can I just point out that she doesn’t freak out when she sees Bookers insides? I would have def vomited and fainted in her stead.) She should be freaking out, trying to leave because What The Hell, but instead she just sucks it up and saves everyone. She doesn’t like to show weakness all that much either, puts up this brave front instead. Also, cool clothes and hair.

The scientist woman. (Another leader position!!) I love her okay. She is the mad scientist kind, hurting, basically torturing human beings in the name of science, because „we could do so much good!” but I think she’s just enjoying seeing them heal after everything she does. Because remarkable. She also has zero „emotional” moments, she doesn’t go oh no poor things what am I doing this is so wrong!! I must help them instead!! Yeah, no. She doesn’t care. People suffering under her hands? Not impressed, but look, they are healing! Mad men do this all the time. Women doctors? Compassionate and kind. Well, not her. Plus she is the only women who could die, seeing that movies like to kill women all the time, but I don’t think she did. I mean, yeah, she fought with Nile and Nile could have killed her, but I think she just knocked her out. She was only unconscious, but that’s what saved her from being shot in the head.

The other two soldier lady are also awesome and even though they are side characters still have a distinct personality. (One of them has a shaved head!! And she is So Pretty. The two has no connection whatsoever I’m just gently horny.)

Now onto the men!

Let’s start with the team. 3 man 2 women, which later becomes 2 and 2 instead of whatever number of men and one woman. None of them is the stereotypical manly men here. No buff and perfect bodies which is such a heavenly goodness. Sooo good to see. They look like people who fight all the time and it keeps them in shape and that’s that.

So. Emotions. They aren’t showed as weakness. No, they are actually showed in a good light, because it is love, it is caring for each other, it is anger when someone hurts your loved ones, it’s being vulnerable and still fell safe. In the van scene Joe’s reaction definitely falls into the too emotional, unnecessarily dramatic box, but that’s STILL not a bad thing. That’s just who he is and that’s okay. Guys can cry while saying I love you in a 1000000 words long poem they just thought up on the spot and then be kissed for it.

[liquidink21]

If I were doing the Avatar Remake

Just a list of things changes and tweaks to the original I would make to Avatar if I was in charge of this netflix remake, given that we’ve all lost hope in it and now I’m just speculating to make myself feel better. I’ve already made a list of things it really needs, and this list includes them, but I’m just going to go hog wild with my imagination and opinions on Avatar. In a rough order of when I think and them and what episode it becomes relevant.

How long are these new episodes going to be? I’d like to extend them for more story content, though am wary of overdoing it. How does thirty minutes sound? Enough for some more depth to some episodes.

I think it should be pointed out earlier on that there are more villages across the South Pole. This is canon, and would make the Southern Water Tribe feel more alive.

Aang’s friends from the past: in addition to Kuzon and Bumi, give him a Northern Water Tribe pal. He’s never been to the South Pole, and was deliberately coming to make new friends somewhere the Monks wouldn’t think to look for him. We can reference this friend again when we reach the North Pole.

Somebody, probably Iroh, mentions Zuko’s name in front of Aang. It’s always infuriated me that the Gaang know’s Zuko’s name suddenly in Warriors of Kyoshi without anyone telling them what it is. I don’t think it needs its own episode, just somebody says it while he’s captured.

The terms of Zuko’s banishment don’t restrict him from the colonies in the Earth Kingdom, so they don’t consider those colonies to be proper Fire Nation territory. I feel they should have their own name, just to make the politics of the show feel deeper. “The Eastern Protectorate” is a nice reference to the Chinese “Protectorate of the Western Territories.” Zhao can namedrop it when they go to his port.

The fact that Kyoshi Island has such a different culture from the main Earth Kingdom should be brought up. The answer is a mix between isolation and cultural exchange with the Southern Water Tribe. Katara and Sokka probably have a passing knowledge of the island. “Oh, that’s where we are.” Also, if Aang knew to come here for the Koi fish, how didn’t he know about there being Kyoshi revering settlements there?

There should be an adult Kyoshi Warrior training the others. She approves of Suki training Sokka, and comments on the rarity of outsiders and men being Kyoshi Warriors. I feel Sokka is the first outsider, but there was another man. Adult warrior gives the explanation that when she was a young trainee, a man working on the docks was teased for “fighting like a girl” so warriors taught him exactly like a girl.

There should be an Earthbending Kyoshi Warrior. I mean Kyoshi herself was a bender, the art can’t be exclusively a non-bending form.

Maybe point out that there are multiple villages on the island. This is in fact canon.

Haru’s mother and village could use some actual names.

We never see any non-bending Earth Kingdom soldiers. I loved how the Fire Nation has different uniforms for its bending and non-bending warriors, and I’d like to see the same for the Earth Kingdom troops.

I want to know more about those pirates? The captain is ethnically a Fire Nation citizen. Is there a story behind that? A navy deserter? Like an opposite of Jeong Jeong, deserting not for ethics but because he didn’t like duty getting in the way of fortune? I’m probably just overthinking it.

The names of the Freedom Fighters are obviously pseudonyms, and Jet probably urges the Gaang to adopt some themselves.

While I don’t actually feel that Aang lying to the two groups in The Great Divide is an unforgivable wrong, I feel the lie itself was a little demeaning and could have been a little more sophisticated.

I have seen that post saying there needs to be more Indians in Avatar than just Guru Pathik, given how many Indian concepts are in the show. Many people also share the opinion that there should be Indian airbenders, so yes they should appear in the flashbacks in The Storm (and The Southern Air Temple as well). Also some Earth Kingdom villages should be Indian based as well. I think the market from The Waterbending Scroll could be a good place to start, maybe the port from The Storm as well, though probably somewhere that isn’t just a background place as well. Maybe the nuns in Bato of the Water Tribe too.

Iroh could be less creepy with June.

Ah, The Northern Air Temple. Honestly I feel that while the ultimate message of Aang being okay with the Mechanist and his people settling in the Air Temple is okay, I feel it needs to end with a greater emphasis on the Mechanist’s people being more respectful to the site. Ramming pipes through historical mosaics and demolishing statues is really not on. Also, while Sokka being cool with industrialisation is in character, I do think he’d disapprove the desecration.

I feel the fact that a lot of the Fire Nation’s technological might (not all of it, though) is riding off the back of a blackmailed Earth Kingdom citizen is something that could be brought up more often.

Yue’s story with the Moon Spirit needs to be explained almost immediately, so that it’s not kind of an arse-pull when the plot needs it.

Legend of Korra makes a big deal about the South gaining independence from the North, but they’re already treated as separate nations? I think it should be mentioned somewhere, probably from Hahn, that the South is technically subservient to the North, though operates with a great deal of autonomy that comes with not being able to contact each other.

The North is pretty sure it’s the original Water Tribe, but can’t say for sure. Hahn thinks of the South as nothing but a colony, though Arnook is more progressively minded and notes there are no records of who came first and treats the South as a sister tribe.

I think there’s another character worth adding, a captain of the Northern warriors. He can appear several more times throughout the series, which I’ll elaborate on.

Zhao comments “there’s a reason they’ve survived a hundred years of war” whereas other comments suggest the Northern Water Tribe has been sitting out of the war. Apparently the North did take uniforms from soldiers 85 years ago, so I think the idea should be that they received one big siege back then, and since then they’ve been experiencing raids since then culling their villages and forcing them into that single fortified city-state. Since then, their ability to send ships out has been impeded by Fire Nation ships patrolling those water but not engaging the city itself until Zhao’s siege.

Yue, when mentioning the waterbenders learning from the Moon, should reference humanity receiving bending from the Lion Turtles, just to introduce the concept that bending could be given and therefore by implication taken away.

There’s a historical character I want to introduce: an Earth Kingdom general that was nearly able to push the Fire Nation out of the Earth Kingdom around half-way through the 100 Year War, but was taken down by internal Earth Kingdom politics. The Fire Nation had to do its conquests all over again because of him. It would help fill out a century of history that is poorly explained. I think he could be introduced by Sokka asking General Fong how they still have an outpost on the west coast when most of that region has been occupied by the Fire Nation.

Azula’s blue fire should be depicted like blue flames are in real life: very straight jets rather than the flickering things you see in the animation. Since it’s basically just powerful fire, I think it should be seen with a couple of other firebenders, though Azula is the only one that exclusively uses it. Jeong Jeong and Iroh would be good people to use it.

I saw a post once by a Korean rightfully upset that the only Korean characters in the show (Song and her village) are lumbered in with the essentially Chinese Earth Kingdom as if they’re the same culture despite Korea obviously being separate and having a poor history of China attempting to enforce hegemony over it. I think maybe something could be made of Song and her people being a distinct culture that has had a generally poor relationship with the Earth Kingdom at large. Maybe the previously mentioned Earth Kingdom general was screwed over for being of this culture.

I’m not sure how to depict the Swampbenders. They'll no longer be caricatures of the guys in the next studio, so they’ll be more respectfully treated and not hillbillies. I’m not sure if they should be Vietnamese (given the original characters have Vietnamese names) or southern Native Americans (given they’re waterbenders, and the other waterbenders are Inuits).

After failing to get Bumi as Aang’s earthbending teacher, they throw around suggestions. Since Aang is learning waterbending from Katara they consider a similarly aged Earthbender. Katara suggests they go find Haru, while Sokka suggests the earthbending Kyoshi Warrior I mentioned before.

I saw a post once suggesting that the Beifongs were collaborators, and while I think this is somewhat extreme, I would like to explore the interplay between their wealth and their position in the war. Also, the fact that Toph had been sheltered from the war and has far less of an emotional stake in it needs to be explored in more detail.

In the Zuko Alone flashbacks Azula really needs to be made out as a normal child with a bad influence (her father) instead of an inherently bad child. My sister points to this episode and claims Iroh or Ursa should have just drowned her and that’s something incredibly fucked up to say about a ten(?) year old.

In that vein, Iroh’s “no she’s crazy and needs to go down” line really needs to be changed to something more compassionate. Most Avatar meta states that Iroh doesn’t actually hate Azula; he’s just prioritising Zuko’s safety, and his line here needs to reflect that.

Aang should recognise the Lion-Turtle, and know that they gave humanity their bending powers. Just to keep that concept in mind, so that when it comes to the energybending climax it’s less of an arse-pull.

Wan Shi Tong’s morale compass and lumping a bunch of kids attempting to avoid genocide in with conquerors needs to be called out more, and I feel Katara should be the one to do it.

Suki gets to stay on for one extra episode and help fight the Drill. It also makes for a better explanation of how she got back. Right now it’s implied she went back across the Serpent’s Pass; in my own she’d explicitly head along the wall and go back with the ferries.

I want more discussion of Ba Sing Se’s social stratification. Was Jin able to visit the Jasmine Dragon? Or was she blocked from entering higher rings?

Toph’s lie detecting thing made into a spiritual or chi related thing. The whole heartbeat thing is pseudoscience.

The Northern Water Captain I mentioned earlier reappears, having met and joined his men with Hakoda’s. Hakoda praises his son with helping bridge the gap between the two water tribes.

Ty Lee gets more appearances in Book 3, even if just in the background. She got some nice development in The Beach and I want to see more of it as Azula’s brought her out of that circus and back into the Fire Nation nobility.

Sparky Sparky Boom Man’s tattoo has a different design that is not a villainised appropriation of a Hindu symbol. Something nice and geometric, maybe sun based.

Hawky at some point returns to Team Avatar. I want them legitimised as a member of the Gaang! Equal status to Momo and Appa! Also I suppose bringing a letter back from the Beifongs could have significance to Toph. But let Hawky return!

Hama has a more compassionate ending. I feel after she’s led away, Sokka figures it’s pretty fucked up that they’re handing one of their own over to the Fire Nation so they go and rescue her. They give her a choice between joining them to fight during the eclipse or returning to the South Pole to help rebuild the Southern Water Tribe (given that there’s Notherners helping rebuild she could help make sure they rebuild it in the style of the south and not a facsimile of the north). She chooses the latter.

No weird Guru Pathik during Aang’s hallucinations please.

While discussing the allies that Hakoda picked up, he mentions some people he couldn’t get: they couldn’t find the Kyoshi Warriors, the Sandbenders didn’t want to come, the Omashi Resistance wanted to use the eclipse to retake their city, and General Fong’s outpost had been overrun. Just flesh out things a little.

Sokka and the other Water Tribe warriors should be wearing that facepaint for the Invasion.

I want more interaction with The Duke, Haru, and Teo with the Gaang.

Chit Sang’s girlfriend and friend join with the second escape instead of being strangely absent. Also, who is he? Sokka probably looks him up to make sure they’re not bringing a serial killer into their midst. Preferably not, I like to think they were thrown in there for opposing the war.

I’d like Suki to learn from Hakoda that the other Kyoshi warriors are alive, if imprisoned.

Suki doesn’t like wearing prison clothes and attempts a facsimile of Kyoshi islander clothes by stealing Katara and Haru’s clothes.

Some more emotions between Sokka and Suki relating to her imprisonment please. There’s a lot of pent up trauma there and I’d like them to work through it.

People like to play up Katara’s “you obviously didn’t love her as much as I did” line into an insight to a horrible character rather than just something stupid said in the heat of the moment, though I do think Katara should apologise, if only to show the haters that this isn’t her personality.

Training with Aang, Zuko finds out he has the peace of mind to do lightning. He wouldn’t use it against Azula, but it would be a nice demonstration that his inner turmoil is more or less resolved.

The adult Kyoshi Warrior I mentioned at the very beginning of this reappears as a White Lotus member. She, for whatever reason, has a replacement warrior uniform for Suki, because I feel Suki shouldn’t have to go through the climax in a Fire Nation disguise. Also maybe Sokka should be wearing his warpaint too? I mean it’s culturally significant to him.

You want lightning? No I don’t. Azula’s growing inner turmoil denies her the use of lightning, mirroring Zuko’s original inability to use it when he was lost and confused. So when it comes to sneakily zapping Katara it’s just her fire, but a flame more concentrated (and by implication, rage-fueled) than we’ve ever seen from her. A veritable beam that Zuko has to put his all into deflecting, opening him up to an attack. A non-lethal attack; Azula still has that line about “the family physician”. She doesn’t want Zuko dead and leaves him be when he’s down. Despite going off the deep end there is a spark of compassion in her that stops her from doing that.

As I’ve stated previously, Aang needs to do something slightly more significant and spiritual in order to access the Avatar State again rather than that stupid rock. Some sort of spiritual lesson.

As I’ve said a few times now, the Lion-Turtles should be known to the audience by now, along with their ability to give bending to humans, so that the ability to take bending has been implied.

The weird orange-vs-blue lightshow with the energy bending was kind of melodramatic, though the corruption-vs-purity thing could still be visually represented by Ozai trying to physically overpower Aang and failing.

Possibly to be continued.

[elanska]

"you're just you" - Ibelin vs Latte

I'm a staunch Arwin x Latte supporter, and so often times I've been thinking about Arwin x Ibelin, just to see another POV angle of what could have been.

There are times when I read Arwin x Latte moments and I said to myself, he's supposedly to flirt with Ibelin instead and my heart starts to ache. and I determined to prove that Latte is a FAR SUPERIOR CHOICE (yes, I went on imaginary shipping war with myself. it's a fun activity)

Okay, so let's talk about original Ibelin x Arwin route. In original novel, Arwin is represented as pretty commoner mage boi who have been helping and protecting Ibelin with his magic from time to time in order to gain her affection. And THEN it turns out that this sweet mage boi is actually the most powerful mage. Lording over all the other mage (like, you know, the sweet boy next door is actually the powerful prince that can instantly solve your problem with bitch-of-a-rival! surprise!)

original novel!Arwin fall for Ibelin because of her beauty, kindness (she helps the poor boy in slums and have confrontation with the thugs who tried to steal it), and being different from all other girls(?maybe? this is usual setting for romance novel). anyway, she's superior from all other girls, so original novel!Arwin can't help but falling for her in every scenes. The Eirene dance ball where she dance gracefully, the Eirene street festival where Ibelin watch the ultimate bor....intelligent plays that set her different from other girls who just like shallow romantic/drama plot. The Eirene's Goddess selection where Ibelin show off her charm with her voice and beauty and make him falls harder for her.

As you can see from paragraphs above. Original novel!Arwin is BORING pretty much non-descript. just a human prop to show off Ibelin's charm as the female main character. There's practically not a difference from him, Kenneth, and Rondemio except the guys with different occupations (but all having powerfull status and extremely good looking) that fall in love with Ibelin who is perfect in everything. You can swap original novel!Arwin with other mage who hide his status as tower lord and pretend he's just a lowly friendly mage........and the story will not change much? since Ibelin is the focus here, we just need that non-descript (but still pretty) guy to fall in love with her and the plot will go on like usual (since Ibelin is the focus here, not him)

There's two critical line in Arwin's flag. 'you're just you' = somehow this mage invited Ibelin to visit his home, and Ibelin finds out that the nice, helpful mage is actually the lord of other mage. And that she's surprised, but Arwin is still Arwin. I will interpreted it as "you might be the magician's tower lord, but you're still the mage that kind to me")

And I'm promptly confused, because WHAT THE HELL that supposed to means? It's not like the tower lord title is something bad? unless if we're taken another interpretation that 'tower lord has awful reputation as crazy psychopath' and 'ta-da I'm /that/ notorious tower lord actually'. so that 'you're just you' line means = even though you're the rumoredly notorious tower lord, you're still my friend (well, he's still one of fish option at this point). And this is heartwarming to Arwin because he secretly thinks that no one will accepts him because he's notorious and everyone thinks he's a monster(?). So he questions this sweet, angelic goddess - if she also think he's a monster.

We're gonna pause a bit and explore Latte's route. As you all (y'all) aware, our favorite Arwin is a crazy bastard who enjoy entertainment more than anything and having ummm...an unique sense of humor, and apparently having no idea at all how to courting girls. Or maybe he do have /vague/ idea, but the line of somebody interesting-friend-goofy friend to hang around with-I kinda like this girl-I want her to like me back.......is so friggin’ blurry that we're not entirely sure when it ended in one category and began in another (and from what we read so far, neither were he)

oh by the way, this is same boi on Ibelin route's above. But instead in story where Ibelin's shining as female main characters surrounded by three generic cut-and-paste pretty powerful males, where his characterization fell into 'Arwin is selfish crazy (psychopath) bastard and powerful wizard's lord but *always* eating out Ibelin's hand' bracket, our murderous bunny get, like, "waitaminute. I *am* the selfish crazy (psychopath) bastard here, the *fuck** you telling me I should do again?" and proceed to wreck his bracket. Of course, bits and pieces of his original character still exist - like how he's a sweetheart when he's with the girl he likes. But instead "Hi I'm that notorious psychopath Arwin, but everytime my gal do something, I'll become devoted mob fanboy with swirly googly eyes meep meep at whatever she does" VS "Yea, I'm that notorious psychopath Arwin who likes A, B, C, and hates D, E, F. What's this? we encounter event D? well, with my characterization, I should go flying in rage, but but gal is here and it'll be /pitiful/ if she's crying, jeez. fine, I'll just let this slide (for you)"

(yes, it's cute to see him struggling like that)

sorry getting distracted there. the point is.....the point is....we like Arwin's characterization, we like how he's strongly struggling to stay consistent to his identity but also getting affected by his love for his gal (Latte) and bit changed for the better (hey, love makes you a better person). We like him as a male lead with distinctive personality instead love-interest!mob that exist solely to fanboy over Ibelin's time-to-shine-with-my-heroine-dokidoki-powaa events.

Which is why we strongly had question about the two critical lines-to-ensnare-his-heart.

"you're just you" = on Ibelin's route, Ibelin is a foreigner that came to Empire and therefore didn't know Arwin is 1. head of powerful faction; and 2. crazy selfish psychopath (since he's always nice when he's around her). She just shrugged and goes "hey you're nice to me. You're my friend" and Arwin goes *Doki* oh I totally fell for ya’.

Y'see, Arwin didn't have any reason to hide his position as the Lord of Magician's. And being magicians are pretty respectable. The /royal family/ even conduct business with them. Ibelin just never asks, and Arwin is not the type to flaunting his title around (power, sure, but not title). What about number two? From Latte's excerpts, Arwin never been anything but sweet and cute bunny when he's with Ibelin (her detractors meet grisly ends behind her back, like Iron Mentalle), like 'well I heard rumors, but it can't be that bad, you're very nice guy (to me all this time)" and Arwin goes *DOKI*. And I goes, hey bunny, you know it's not true, you know yourself not a nice guy, why do you fall just because a girl said you are *not* who you are?

(and sorry guys, I don't think he'll goes 'since I've met ibelin, I will strive to change myself to became a nice docile mage that helpful to everyone. Time for myself undergoes self-change to became a better man to fit this angelic Ibelin *doki* or some pretty sappy like that). In fact, this kind of scenario got quickly debunked in Latte's route wherein Ibelin command Arwin to be nice person to Latte and Arwin goes, like, 8 to -10 in instant. in a sense, Ibelin just told him to KNEEL! and like Latte said, it's too big of a dream. You can probably request the lord of magicians to vaguely crouched down a bit to help you search for contact lens that just dropped to the ground /per se/ - and if he's feeling nice and (particularly) likes you, mighta done it, but you didn't outright *command* him. He might also done it *within* time, like +20 years into marriage and had been tolerating each other for old long times already, but definitely not for a pretty stranger that, like, only been acquaintance for a month (and like we told you in the essay-that-I-don't-know-when-it'll-be-finisheddd-I'm-experiencing-writer's-block; Arwin has issues of being in power. He's rebellious edgy fish, this fish #3)

Where was I? oh yeah. and that *doki* question 'do you also think I'm a monster?' What the. Since when it's an issue to you Arwin? If you don't want other people view you as monster, then act nice to other people, hey you. But to be fair to him, Arwin seems indifferent with other people. He's used to people gawking at his out-of-this-world beauty, and used to people keeping their distance since he's the lord of magician's tower. the only thing we witnessed to support his scary reputation is his brutal treatment to dangerous thugs, which while makes you 'isn't that a bit excessive, dude? just hand them over to nearest guard (which never shows up, oh well)' but not exactly *le gasp!* 'what a monster! *flail flail* horrible! horrible! they just want to mug you and you chop their head off? poor them!' (ummm, I'm not the greatest example of showing compassion, so yeah.....)

So, anyway, even though people generally fear Arwin and might be crossing the other street when they see him, they're not exactly goes into 'hide the women and children!' level. Basically, I don't see what's the fuss and why I must adhere to people who call you monster just because you offed the mugger that wants to mug you. they can fret 'you should be nicer' but I will not cry and wailing pitifully because I dun wanna be called a monsteeerrr so I will goes ’tis me! mug me all ye want so I can proven my niceness and be accepted by the society!!'. And if me, the normal vanilla mortal thinks that way, I honestly cannot think the lord of magician's tower with ego that stronger than mine (and absolute power to back that up) will think that way.

So Arwin getting concerned with society's perception of him, having identity crisis and afraid of Ibelin also thought of him that way? bullshit. He /might/ be worried about Ibelin not liking him since she's his love interest and it's normal if you want to be liked by the person you like too. but society? can bugger off themselves. and Arwin is always nice/not monsterly to Ibelin, so I don't know where that came from/what it supposed to be. angelic!Ibelin sees Arwin went brutal to defend her and goes *le gasp* you monster?! - won't exist anyway since she's nice angelic girl. It's weird.

So let's talk about Latte's route. Latte, as you know, is the empire's citizen whom house is only 3 days and 3 nights away from the magician tower where Arwin's reside, so she pretty much know about his reputation (incidentally, Latte's knowledge about the original novel seemingly contradicts Arwin 'real' personality. She often thinks him as monster pychopath (chopping bishot's head off, chopping her head off - all over nothing). Arwin doesn't take offense from this even though it's pretty much rude (then again he likes Latte, and he knows what's his reputation and know for the fact that he is, in fact, ruthless (tho not as severe as the monster that Latte's imagined)

Arwin never be anyone but himself in front of Latte. In fact, he acted his worst reputation  (= crazy psychopath bastard) right in front of her. Burning her hair tie to get her attention, free-falling force play, insist of calling her annoying nickname that she hate. He also acted his best in front of her (helping her cover for Cano, checking on her and fetching her ride home when she needs it most; actually asking for her /permission/ for a dance! - Arwin can *force* anyone dance with him with puppetry if needed to, but he can't make them enjoying it. And since he likes Latte, he wants her to enjoy her time with him, be it dance, or solving mystery together, or just casual banter. It’s a (BIG) shift from I’ll enjoy spending my time with her to I want *her* to enjoy her time with me too.

From what we see, enjoyment is big drive for Arwin. His friendship with Latte (which including her in 'won't kill because she's funny'’ friendlist started when he finds her amusing). He also making a big fuss upon the super boring play that Ibelin makes him attend - verbally lashing Latte for making him go through that (for 30 mins); he left Latte watching Ibelin's singing contest all on her own and told her to not including him next time for this boring shit.

SPOILER FROM NOVEL FOR AT LEAST +3-4 CHAPTERS AHEAD (where Latte will basically saying 'you're just you' and personal wild theories flinging)

so Arwin take Latte a tour on his abode. His house, his room, his personal perching spot. And Latte seems not really enjoy them. viewing the tower walls from outside? normal room, scary-since-it's-so-high loft space with lots of winds around-you-might-find-it-amusing-but-I-don't. He tried to make her comfortable - providing shield from the wind, providing fire so she's not cold, but it didn't change the fact that while he enjoy this place, Latte might not, and no matter what he do, he can't change it. It's like you‘re hardcore cosplayer frequently attending cons and your friend are 'I don't even understand' but then sighed and said 'yeah, you and your dumb shit, what else is new?' and help making your props/booking your ticket/etc anyway. That kind of old familiarity and acceptance and intimate feels of 'I'm so used with all your antics this doesn't baffle me'

As for Arwin, well, we had elaborating about he's not following society standards (if he is, he won't be crazy psychopath bastard that he is), so we're wagering he's using his own standard in relationship. And since we know he's definitely not doing boring/drab things just to please his significant other, the thought of Latte doing it for him ('I don't really like being here, but it's for you, so okay then') kind of touching. Probably. Uh we don't really understand romance. 

and don't even ask me about 'do you also think I'm a monster' thing, because that shit is weird as fuck.

[mullersturtleneck]

You all asked for another set of my trash human Hadestown hot takes so.....

I think maybe I should just start from the beginning and go from there, and sprinkle some details in when I think about them. And since you’ve mentioned before that detail is a good thing, I’m going to try really hard to articulate the 500 versions of “I can’t” and “She did that” and “UM” and “GIRL” Also as always, I apologize, but this is honestly a lot of Eva and Reeve heavy content. I love all of the cast, they are all so phenomenally talented and wonderful, but as usual my mind has chosen to hyper-focus on two things so this is what it is.)

(So. I’m thankful for this platform because before my notes were ALL “Um” and “Girl” and now you guys are motivating me to actually write what I’ve been thinking about non-stop all day on my one hour of sleep. So. Thank you! I went about labeling every song-and I actually end up having thoughts for every one, because I went back and listened through and wrote down what I could remember/the things I thought were relevant for the people that won’t be able to see it outside of the boot that literally everyone but me has at this point).

This is only act I. This is a loooooong hot take. This is a lot of Eva and Reeve specific commentary. This is just a lot of commentary. I think it’d be cool/beneficial/whatever to listen as you read? LOL thanks for coming to my actual, legitimate 5 page essay on Act I.

So. My overarching thought of the night (and, actually, I think I mentioned this when I was there two weeks ago too) is that Eva has been playing an incredibly soft Eurydice lately. Compared to when I was there for previews in April, or even back in August, it seems like each time I’ve gone back she just gets softer and softer, and it’s made me so incredibly happy to see her characterization grow. I do see Eurydice as someone who has been through a lot, and does have that tougher skin, and I think that Eva does a fantastic job in representing that in Any Way the Wind Blows. She keeps her voice strong and consistent, and has this look on her face that’s a cross between worry, wavering confidence, and just this tough shell of a girl who’s trying not to look like she’s given up. And this works so incredibly well when she meets Orpheus. Because I’m telling you, the flip in her demeanor happens in the most noticeably beautiful way during Wedding Song. But first, let’s talk about the fact that I’m not sure who decided that it’d be a good idea that Eva play with fire during this song, and aesthetically it’s just such a MOMENT to see Eurydice looking bored, head down on her arms on the table, eyes wide and uninterested/exhausted/hungry as she runs each of her fingers through the flame (and, at times, pauses to inspect the finger she’s just put into the fire, rub it against another finger or the table, and then begin her game again) I don’t know why this has become one of my favorite things about the staging but? I imagine this being something Eurydice just does sometimes to keep herself from thinking about how hungry she is, and it becomes a habit so that in the iteration where they both make it out of Hadestown and live happily ever after Eurydice just does this one time and makes poor Orpheus jump out of his skin worried that she’s somehow going to send herself back down by doing this. Because they still are walking on eggshells about the fact that they made it out and here she is playing with fire, LITERALLY. Okay, moving on....

So. What I like about Wedding Song live is that her speaking voice just. It’s a bit higher, softer. She still carries the teasing tone, but there’s just this incredulous lift in “is he always like this?” and a lot of laughter in “Oooh, he’s crazy.” and Reeve plays Orpheus so sweet and innocent that you can’t help but feel bad for this bumbling idiot stumbling over himself at this beautiful girl sitting there looking completely cool and collected. But. There’s a beautiful thing about the composition and balance Eva is able to maintain in that you can see that Eurydice is openly intrigued, but keeps herself guarded in a playful sort of way. Almost like she can’t keep herself guarded and wants to let her guard down. Her smile kills me over and over again during this scene. Again, Eva’s Eurydice has turned into quite the small, beautiful romantic and I just am so in love with everything that she has subtly changed and morphed, the girl is an absolute QUEEN.

Also, I can’t go any further without saying a big THANKS to Eva for making me cry the SECOND I heard her start to sing Any Way the Wind Blows and just continue that train all night long. What a fucking night.

Okay, so my favorite thing about Epic I is the sheer power that small boy Orpheus has in singing his la laas for the first time. I remember distinctly having the most goosebumps the first time I witnessed this back in April, and every single time it just. Leaves me breathless. And I think now that it’s been a few times, the goosebumps come from knowing how significant this melody will be throughout the show. But Reeve’s facial expressions as he sings them? Make you believe that la is the most important syllable in the dictionary. He closes his eyes and just feels the music and plays his guitar and he is just so phenomenally talented that WOW. Also my favorite small part of this song is that during my favorite line “with them the cycle of the seed and the sickle, etc.” he spins in circles while playing and singing and just. It’s the smallest amount of choreography that feels the most necessary, as if it’s Orpheus becoming so enraptured with the music that he has to move! And it’s in the middle of the tables that are in the “bar,” with the workers and Eurydice looking on and watching him tell this tale. It all feels so incredibly genuine-it makes you believe that Orpheus singing to the workers is something they’ve witnessed, almost something they look forward to when they come to the bar. I think it has to do with the fact that they’re all just watching him, intrigued but also settled in? As if this is routine, this is comfort, his songs are meant for them and for this little community he has. Even when he plays the first note of the Epic they’ve settled in and are sitting up watching him and listening intently. It gives his character a lot of soft power and dynamic without having to say anything, establishing him as an integral part of this life without so much as a word.

Uhhh Living it Up On Top is just my most favorite feel-good bop. Why? Because of the ensamble. Watching them dance is a blessing. It honestly feels like watching a fucking family reunion freestyle dance party every single time. You can physically see and feel how close this cast is; they make faces at each other, they laugh, and also this instrumental break included the Eva Noblezada booty drop which is EVERYTHING. And she also did a full leg extension kick this time which. Girl. Save some talent and cuteness for everyone else. I also find it extremely appropriate that during all of this kickass dancing and partying our boy Orpheus in all of his gangly, limbly qualities can be found sort of flitting around the stage, taking Persephone’s coat, then Eurydice’s, then putting things away and moving around giving out the cups to toast- like. It’s lowkey established in this scene that he’s 10/10 not the cool and effortless one in this relationship and is the cute small boy child. And I don’t know if that’s because I think that Eva’s really cool and charismatic and Reeve is a bit more shy in a crowd situation, but that’s 100% how this comes off to me/how I perceive the characterization and I’m here for it. And when the line “to the patroness of all of this, Persephone” came up Reeve was like 10 octaves higher than the cast recording, all squeaky and flustered. And then between that and his next line, he took a breath and smiled the big stupid baby Orpheus smile that makes him so charming-if you weren’t rooting for him before now you’re messed, but after the smile? And the high-toned, flustered rambling toast? Makes it impossible not to love him. (Also “to the world we dream about…” is my most favorite Hadestown quote so. I choked because every time I hear it, especially as genuine and sweet as Reeve says it as he looks out at the crowd, and then at the audience, is just. It makes you feel the reality that this show crosses with its messages and its story as a whole). And then after they drink their toast they all sputter and cough, and then the ending when they all sing “HOW ARE WE LIVING IT” it literally is so powerful and dynamic, I love this ensemble so fucking much. Their energy truly fuels the show. We are blessed.

OOOOHKAY CHILDREN BUCKLE UP FOR ME BEING DECEASED. Because All I’ve Ever Known? Um Eva, what the fuck? In a good way. In the way that the second she started singing I started crying immediately. Because I’ll say it again, she’s just become so soft and romantic that I can’t even handle it. The distinct memory I have from this song (where I literally almost hit my cousin because I went from heart-eyed staring with no breathing and my head in my hands like the stupid hopeless baby lesbian that I am to breathing everything in all at once and coughing a BIG cough of just. Literally just love.) During “You take me in your arms, and suddenly there’s sunlight all around me” Orpheus holds Eurydice with her back to him, and she opens her arms and sings about the sunlight. And I fucking SWEAR TO GOD the smile on her face. Like. Big, wide, eyes closed, you’d 100% fall in love with her the second you saw it too. I don’t know how you couldn’t. She just looks so incredibly happy and peaceful and this is the moment she completely drops her guard (although I’ll say that I believe a lot of it is dropped earlier along. But this moment is a transcendental experience) OH ALSO during the violin instrumental she literally does this like. Handstand split Over Reeve’s head that is so poetically beautiful (that entire choreography is, like. It really just makes the love feel so incredibly palpable, and the fact that this is the turning point of moments where suddenly there are NO MOMENTS where they’re not all over each other is just. It’s a moment.) And then they kiss and it’s flawless and I sob profusely at how beautifully done this entire choreography/moment/existence of two souls happens.

Way Down Hadestown also includes two of my favorite moments; Amber Gray dancing with her body at a 90 degree angle, head looking at the floor, and Orpheus and Eurydice peacing out and sitting to the side sharing a bar stool unable to keep themselves away from each other. Which. Is everything to the point where I literally told my cousin to watch them during this song. Because. His ear kisses (which. I hyperventilated about for like 3 paragraphs back in the beginning of October) are SO MUCH (so tender. So soft. The brushing back of the hair over her ears and the soft spoken words and the head on her head make me want to careen into an abyss and fall in love immediately) but I love them with all of my heart, he is so soft and gentle and it literally feels like such a moment being intruded upon that this is the way these two characters were meant to be played and I will accept nothing else. Also, Eva’s little minor chord, jazzy vocal moment during the last “way down under the GROOOOOOOUND is so beautifully done, I can’t believe she exists and just acts like it’s not a big deal that she can just. Be that good. And I also love the way that this moment is staged; Hades and Persephone are standing on the center turntable, and at those last few “way down, Hadestown, way down under the ground” after “kind of makes you wonder how it feels,” right when it kicks back into the faster tempo the turntable starts to descend. And there’s some fog, and they all stand and watch them go under the ground, and when Eurydice sings the last “way down under…she moves closer to the now hole in the ground and looks deeper, as if she’s so curious as to what is going on.

A Gathering Storm/Epic II I just like that in the OBC recording, Eurydice sounds kind of salty when she says “well, until someone brings the world back into tune, this is how it is.” But I think that it’s perceived more as a kind of matter-of-fact thing, as if watching Persephone descend has brought her back into her shell a little bit, set off some anxieties. She shrugs her shoulders and looks complacent, as if to tell him without as many words that she’s done this before, this is old news, this is going to happen. And when he says “he came for her too soon,” it’s rushed and quiet, but frantic, as if the entire weight of the situation immediately has been cast on his shoulders. And for the most part, that’s all I’ve got for him. The real superstar in this scene is the fucking imagery used to introduce the workers, and the symbolism of the workers AS THE WALL.  So, when he says “With a million hands, he built a wall” the workers ascend from the center turntable in that really tight knit formation we’ve all seen pictures of and it’s just. Watching them in their uniforms come up as he’s talking about this big, brilliant wall and the workers begin to move in unison, then begin their chanting???? The lighting changes, the entire feel changes just based on the workers chanting and really having this ferociously unified choreography. And the most intense facial expressions ever. And they move from the center turntable to the outsides, and then fucking Hades and Persephone come up when the transition happens to Chant and it’s. All you need to completely transform a set is the lighting change, the workers, and the turntable. It’s the most incredible thing to witness this and feel like you’re in a completely different place.

Also, I just always feel for Eurydice in this moment. Because. She’s trying so hard to communicate with Orpheus, who’s standing at the bar stool they’d had their moment at during Way Down Hadestown writing this song, and you can see that she’s trying to be supportive but when she says “is he always like this?” it’s just. Exhaustion. And she says it so much more quiet and defeated than she does on the OBC. It’s heartbreaking. Because at the same point you’re watching Orpheus struggle to write this song, closing his eyes and tapping his feet and just trying to feel and let that feeling translate him into the rest of this song but it just won’t come, and you can see his growing frustration in his furrowed brow and his closed eyes. What I noticed is that during Eva’s little solos “Trying to trust that the song he’s working on is gonna shelter us…” / “I’m trying to believe that the song he’s working on is gonna harbor me from the wind” She hasn’t gone up on the last little phrase like she does on the OBC, which is one of the things I find to be so powerful on the OBC. And it’s still beautiful, but I’m wondering why she’s seemingly been choosing to go down instead of have that little moment of vocal power. OH ALSO. When she says “Give that back! It’s everything we have!” Her voice was BROKEN. And by that I mean she sounded so worried and devastated that. It just. Her voice was cracking as she pleaded for the fates to leave her alone and it was so immensely wonderful, but heartbreaking. Because as she struggles with the fates and their winds, and they rip her possessions from her one by one, she shrinks further into herself as she tries to buck up and continue fighting. But you can see as each thing gets taken (her backpack, her coat, etc) she grows more and more devastated and frightened. And then when they take her jacket, and she has nothing left, and she sings “SHEEEELTER US, HAAAARBOR ME!” She’s on her knees with her head in her hands, rocking back and forth and it is torturous to witness because you just want to cry for her. And Eva’s such a fucking powerhouse that you can feel the raw emotion, the fear and the devastation, and it just consumes. It’s amazing to be broken by Eva Noblezada over and over again, and that’s what she does this entire show. She is phenomenal.

Hey, Little Songbird is a song I don’t really have a lot of notes for. But the one note I do have is that Patrick Page makes everyone so in awe and also slightly frightened or incredibly woke (the amount of small whispers in the audience that compare him to a certain man of political power are to be expected, but always are significant) He also just. Skeeves me out so much in this song, and Eurydice is so broken already that it’s kind of like. She’s resigned and having trouble making sense out of anything that life has just thrown at her, and she keeps going to hold herself because she’s cold and hungry and tortured, and she just. Honestly, she makes the choice seem like one that Eurydice had to make because she looks so lost and hungry and upset and unable to hold herself up anymore that the choice doesn’t seem like a misguided one.

When the Chips are Down If I could have as much talent in my body as these girls have in their pinky finger I’d be set for life. Also, now’s a good time to mention that I had the extreme pleasure of seeing Jessie Shelton step in as a fate and it just. It was a wonderful experience, that girl is incredible. I saw her in August as Eurydice and she did a fantastic job (my only note back then had been that her chemistry with Reeve hadn’t been as strong, but I loved what she did with Eurydice-making her more badass and thick-skinned and over-it and also I genuinely don’t think that the Reeve-Eva chemistry can be matched.) But the flawless nature of these three souls singing together and just. Being the shit-eating-grin, fun to fuck you up, take no prisoners voices inside of your head? It just furthers the interpretation that they are the voices in your head amplified, because while they’re sort of doing their mockery of Eurydice/pushing her for her choice/etc. she covers her ears at one point they’re taunting her and it just. It feels to me as they’re pushing her around that they’re the personification of the battle inside of her heart as well, and she can’t escape the turmoil.

Gone, I’m Gone Me crying because I knew Wait for Me was coming so I was digging through my bag for my tissues and gently laying some on my cousin’s lap. (she hadn’t done a full listen-through of Hadestown before either, so I just. Gently prepared her for what was to come without saying a single word.

Wait for Me Okay, how detailed can I go? I don’t know how to fully capture the immense, all-encompassing, my heart is literally stopped inside of my chest but also full-on beating heavy as possible feeling. The second the first notes started the tears started pouring. I have such a fond memory of seeing this for the first time that every time afterward, I just. MY body kicks into this mode of complete and utter captivation. I’m also an empath so getting to experience a room full of people on the edge of their seats, dead silence, utter captivation and zero breath…..I will never forget this feeling. When I saw Hadestown back in April while it was still in previews, this song was given a 3 minute standing ovation….everyone was just struck and unable to handle the raw emotion. And it still rings true to this day-I was clutching my tissue with such force, watching the lights swing and the workers and their lamps through my tears. The most powerful moment is when the workers come out with their headlamps, and it gets dark-you wonder where you’re being transported to next. It’s a tethering atmosphere. And then, when they plug the lamps in and send them up? When the lamps begin swinging and their lights swing over the audience, casting this brilliant movement and shadow into the air? It holds so much mystery and hope and it gives off this incredible, indescribable power. And the power of the chorus singing along with him? It doesn’t feel like they’re the workers singing along. It feels like Orpheus’s love is so strong and so powerful that the workers are actually just his voice amplifying and exploding and CAREENING AND CREATING ALL OF THIS FUCKING POWER FROM HIS SONG AND HIS LOVE. And also, during the la la las around 1:40 on the OBC recording, when it gets soft and quiet, that’s when the lamps go up into the air, and there’s a rumbling and some fog and the set sort of opens up to reveal sections of bright lights that glow warm, and red. He’s opening the fucking stone wall with his song, people, and it’s the most brilliantly moving staging I have ever seen. Again, you don’t need one million props to captivate an audience. It’s the way the story is told and the music is composed and everything working together. I love this. I love that nothing distracts from the moment, that the las and the workers elevating his voice and the movement of the set and the lights and the fog all come together as one coherent set piece instead of parts of a working machine. It feels so natural that you believe that Orpheus is actually opening the wall with his voice. This piece of theatre is so transcendental that you forget that you’re not actually there. Props to Reeve Carney for existing because the way he performs this song is just so captivating and pure, and you can see the desperation in his eyes but you can also hear it in his voice; it’s more strained (not in a bad or unhealthy way at all, I just mean that it’s like. The culmination of his efforts from the Epic and how hard he was concentrating have elevated his power and he’s just fully unleashing it) You can physically see what I believe-that this strain, this hurt and this hope and this desperation are what lead him to opening the wall. He was able to do it because as he was singing, he was clearly just hurt and so damn determined that he just. He had this red-cheeked, hard-lipped expression while he sang and his body (which I lovingly describe as gangly and limbly) is just. In a power stance. Like. You fully believe in the power of this man during this song, he gives it everything and he is a good portion of the reason it carries its power so immensely through the audience. There’s not a dry eye in the house after. And what I love is the collective, disbelieving mumblings of “oh my god” or “wow” or “he’s incredible” that echo through the room as the applause happens (and lingers, and lingers, until Why We Build the Wall cues us to take a fucking breath) (and the subsequent chatter of people basically asking if what they just watched was real, unable to not mention it during intermission).

Why We Build the Wall This is another one of my all-time favorite Hadestown songs. It just hits so hard. And for a while in the very beginning, I wondered why they didn’t end Act I with Wait for Me. I understand now. I don’t think I fully appreciated this song during my first few listen-throughs, and possibly not even after the first time I saw it. I think that this song deserves to be there because while Wait for Me has a lot of emotional lift and power and just pure mass to it, Why We Build the Wall holds its power differently. It makes the audience kind of shift in their seats, come back to the world we are in, kind of step back from the beautiful show of powerful love and hope and dedication that is Wait for Me and remember that oh, this is what’s going on on the other side. This is the man that’s trying to take everything away from Orpheus. And Patrick Page is such a gently commanding presence during this song-he is strong, and powerful, but in a way that feels scarily easy to him; like he is so confident in his power that it translates to this easy, call-and-response conversation because he knows his workers have no choice but to answer him and to appease him. Also the workers? In this song? Are a sheer force of nature. They look to the audience as they respond to each phrase Hades sings with these set-in-stone, serious, hardened expressions that match each other, and are perfectly in-synch. That’s what terrifies me about the Workers, is that they are so in tune to each other that it truly is like watching a wall, or a well-oiled machine. They do such a beautiful job in creating this sense of unease that this song was absolutely meant to be the ending of act I; they drive you to tears and ferocious emotion with Wait for Me, but they keep you unsettled and uncomfortable and stirred by Why We Build the Wall. And that, my friends, is why this musical was nominated for and won so many Tony’s. Because of it’s ability to make you feel, to ponder and to talk and to interpret. This show is so unique, and wonderful, and full of incredible things that I am always just in awe of it every time I see it.

Carry-Over notes: I skipped around a lot of my notes from the night of the show just because I couldn’t fit the less articulate with my actual thoughts post-show. I listened to the entirety of Act I while doing this, and took notes to the best of my ability and what I could remember.

·        Eva Noblezada is such a soft human being, she is a treasure to this earth and I fully support everything she’s done with Eurydice thus far; soft doesn’t mean weak, and she translates that really well to the way she chooses to carry her. She is a strong woman, but she is so fucking in love that she is also so soft and pure. But you still wouldn’t fuck her up ever

·        A good chunk of my notes from that night are about how Reeve singing the la laas in Epic I is a transcending experience, and how his soft and genuine and gentle expression made me break down immediately, and it can be felt in your soul.

·        I also mention about 100 times that Reeve is 10/10 the only boy who has my heart because he is so artistically passionate and just really really fucking good at what he does (and so, so soft especially in the Orphrydice moments and what I’m calling his making Orpheus canonically obsessed with kissing Eurydice’s ear/side of cheek/neck it is THE SOFTEST MOST PURE THING)

So sorry. This is the longest of ramblings. But you asked for details and honestly I’m really excited to be able to have these long ass notes to save and keep with my playbills to show in the future with my kids or the patrons of the Broadway themed café I want to open when I’m a mid 40s lesbian with a wife and maybe some adopted kids.

[spacemilkies]

Bart Allen x reader

summary: He’d ran to the past purely by the determination to unselfishly prevent the future from fallling into ruin.

For that for that act of valor, wasn’t he allowed this one selfish want ?

Notes: It took me awhile to come up with something. Sorry for the lateness. Here’s a little snippet drabble thing.

When he’d first appeared he wasn’t quite sure who was more surprised. Naturally he managed to send the premature flock of superheroes into a mild panic.

That wasn’t entirely intentional. So far into the future calculations were somewhat accurate at best. Nathaniel had planned for the when, but the where was more abstract in nature.

So yes, Bart was equally as astonished to not only find the machine in working order but to find himself at the center control panel of Mount Justice?

Now that was crash.

All his idols were in attendance.

The creative and instinct driven Beast Boy.

The premature and determined Robin.  

And oh man, the notorious Nightwing in the flesh.

And then there was you.

For a moment Bart wished for nothing more than looser suit to drag away the spandex from red itch crawling up his neck. The poster on his wall had depicted you as an older hero, matured in both your talents and prowess. But there had been plenty of opportunities for him to imagine what it might have been like to fight beside you.

Share the excitement and spoils of victory.

If only he’d been born a few decades earlier.

If only you hadn’t-

The time capsule hero jerked in response,“Careful now, watch the claws!”

As part of the infamous Allen lineage, all speedsters relied on that split second decision where time slowed to their advantage.

It separated life from death.

Freedom from capture.

“Now that would have not been crash. Seriously Robin ? I have your action figure man. “

Bart shook a non threatening fist from his perch atop the massive screen. He’d narrowly managed to avoid quick shot of cable. The young hero hadn’t even been aware of his speed inclement yet smartly chose to go after his legs.

He couldn’t put it past the detective.

It was obvious that his window of opportunity would have dwindled. During his fanboy episode the startlement had worn off.

And now he was outnumbered.

… yet still a little crash.

Yeah, he expected to feel the mode shortly after.

But damn did he enjoy going head to head with the best of the best.

Sure, they were still in their youth and nothing compared to what they would be in the future but damn wasn’t it still a thrill.

No one could blame him for at least attempting to shift out of the bindings. His vibrations only managed to encourage the current Robin to tighten the ropes further.

Bart wasn’t entirely certain that he hadn’t taken a bit of pleasure in the act.

“You’re from the future? Ha, right dude.”

Bart’s attention whipped over to the green meta human, taking in the distinctively furry texture of his skin. Funnily it had been a small detail the cameras managed to miss when capturing his likeness.

“Oh man, Beastboy if only I could get started on you.” Unfortunately, Bart had seen enough movies depicting the consequences of speaking so openly about what was to come.

No, he would need to be sensible here.

Regardless of how easy it would be to drag these chump- eh- heroic deities.

“Look, no hard feelings. I’m one of you!” His hand twitched from the desire to bring it to his chest in emphasis. “ Name’s Bart Allen. You know, of the Barry Allen legacy? Really, the speed should have been an indicator.”

Among the skeptical faces it was yours he kept darting to the most. He couldn’t help it. You were just so young and so here.

And right in front-

Oh well … was right in front of him before Robin had taken the initiative to cut in between, effectively severing the point of contact.

Bart would have been more baffled had he not understood the root of the protective stance.

It didn’t help that bat family was incredibly rich.

They just had to be eligible bachelors to boot.

Speaking of the family, where had the older bat flown off to?

“Dude if you’re honest we can figure this out. And then you can go.”

Bart tried extremely hard not to roll his eyes but it was painful. The littlest bat really needed to brush up on his interrogations. The summation of this little group was only the junior leagues.

Once he really got started talking they were going to have to draw out the majors.

“What if he is? It wouldn’t be the craziest thing to happen here,” your voice trilled over silence.

Okay, maybe crossing spacial dimensions was a little different but it was the future! He obviously shared some connection to the Flash- grandson did he say?

All you were saying is that you couldn’t rule out the impossible without considering the possibility.

Your gaze flickered uncertainly to the bulky machine sitting like a quiet observer.

Beside you Robin scuffed I’m firm disbelief. Granted it too a lot to get the junior detective to think outside of the realm of possible. You were starting to think he was being a bit close minded.

The two of them had barley known one another for twenty minutes and you could already feel the bad blood thrumming under the veins. It was obvious that Bart knew something they didn’t but was it so inherent that Tim would react out of instinct ?

“Not you too,” he groaned. He caught your eyes from the side. “A tourist ?”

Okay, that was an odd thing to call oneself given the situation. It was hard to determine what was more concerning.

That fact that a kid would travel so lightheartedly into the past without considering the consequences or how easily accessible it was for him to do so.

Beastboy settles his arms across his chest,”I don’t know man. I mean, yeah, I’m green but from the future? That’s a little crazy.”

“Batman will deal with him,” Tim reasoned under his breath.

As subtly as you could, you reached for him, finger tips just skimming the callouses of his own. While his face didn’t portray emotion, your loose grip tingled with the ripple of calm you were trying to make mutual.

Unbeknownst to you, the red haired speedster followed the minuscule movement with a grimace.

“Easy, Robin. If he travel from the future he must have accumulated quite the thirst. Barry’s grandson, right? That’s quite the journey.”

Bart watched Nightwing with interest as he reapplied with a glass of water in hand. Bringing his tied hands up, he accepted it with a shallow nod. He was a little thirsty but more in the lack of proper clean water kind of way and less of a time travel exhaustion.

It wasn’t until he’d taken a few sips before the subtle insinuation of the offer became apparent.

Now he was realizing how one graduated out of the Robin role.

“Ah, you’re not really worried about the culprit. You just want this.” Bart probably added more of the wanted specimen than necessary when he spit heartily into the glass much to the grimaced disgust of some of the observers. “There you go. Authentic DNA of the Allen family. Just don’t go cloning anyone.”

His gaze widened comically at the thought. “Oh man, that’d be so crash though. Surely Dick Grayson could figure out the proper cloning sequence. Just ask Connor.”

It had started off as a joke and tumbled horridly into a snowball effect after that. What could he say? Once he got started talking, it was just downhill from there.

To say the hero was affronted would be putting it off lightly.

“I know all of you guys? Future guy remember ?”

He gestured to each member individually.

“Dick Grayson.”

“Garfield Logan.”

“Newly appointed Robin, Tim Drake.”

And then there was you. Your eyes were already comically wide by this point as if already knowing your fate.

It didn’t matter really. He was immediately overshadowed by Beast- Garfield was who didn’t find it very crash to be the last one to get he knowledge party.

By the end of it all, he’d left the heroes more confused than the moment he’d arrived.

His ride had unfortunately arrived before he alleviate some of their obvious worries. The tell tale sound of the dimensional portal gate called out the name of another rememberable hero, but he was already shaking past the restraints before the computer could finish the introduction.

Besides he had his own history to change.

And somehow managed to alter his own future in the midst of it.

With the current Flash properly save and hopefully alive in his future, he was more than ready to return to a brighter more lively lifestyle.

When he returned, you were all better prepared for his arrival. Not so much for the older man that ‘Impule’ had hastily referred to as his great grandfather with no little excitement and current Flash and Kid Flash in tow.

It was like a backwards family reunion.

Nightwing’s analytical results had proved the impossible, well possible. Bart Allen was a direct descendant of the Allen family.

The red haired future superhero seemed to take the news with the strongest stride, not doubting his truth for a second. Part of you felt for him, this had to be his only chance to properly meet the senior Flash.

Regrettably, the meeting was cut relatively short as his urge to go home out ran the present desires. He was still an erratic variable of the future and had no place here.

A few hugs were exchanged amongst family, the current leagued Flash expressing his anticipation on meeting him again in a proper timeline.

You found yourself longing for the same. Eager to see his origin and watching the child become what you’d witnessed today.

“Well this has been crash, but gotta run.”

God, were you not looking forward to the puns though. A mutual groan rumbled amongst the gathered crowd in agreement.

Impulse had nearly disappeared into the awaiting machine before his body staled as if forgetting something. After saving the life of a hero you couldn’t imagine what other time altering event he could have on his agenda.

Then his gaze locked with yours.  

Your hair fluttered behind you from the sharp gust of wind from, a noise of shock barely escaping your lips before his swallowed it down.

Somewhere behind you the sound of Tim’s shock tried to reach you but it was lost to the soft press of lips molding against your own.

Then it was over.

And you were left wading in a pool of soft baby blues.

“Oh man, I wish you could have married me instead of Drake.”

And left you stranded.

“Now I should really get going. Be nice to me in the future!”

He raced back to the machine with a sloppy salute, before sliding inside the machine. The only sound it gave was a clank of metal as the latch sealed.

And then the silence stretched on for several seconds.

“Isn’t he supposed to be in the future by now,” Garfield asked unhelpfully.

“He better be.” You felt Tim appear at your back, his growl echoing a darker intent.

There was a drawn out groan, as the metal protested the slow opening of the door. It was likely the slowest you’d ever seen and of the speedsters move as Bart reluctantly stepped out of the machine.

Something told you he wouldn’t be returning home anytime soon.

A sheepish smile pulled at his lips as his gaze darted across the room.  

“Anyone else feeling the mode?”

[anhed-nia]

i just flaked out of the last session of a series of mycology classes that I signed up for this summer. this is extremely rare for me, as i typically torment myself with feelings of obligation that almost only amount to opportunities to feel bad about something. in this case, i also paid for the damn things, in an amount that turned out to be way more than they were worth. i had really high hopes for these classes; before i started my horticulture program, i was looking for opportunities to study mushrooms, but there didn’t seem to be anything in nyc besides a couple of social clubs. i follow a number of mycology organizations and farms online though, and i was thrilled when one of my favorites announced that they would be coming from upstate to teach a series of five classes in washington heights. during the introduction phase of our first class, i blithely declared that i was excited to do something that was more academic than just meetups with hobbyist groups. nobody disabused me of that idea, and they really should have.

washington heights is technically in manhattan, but for me it might as well be out of town. when the original schedule went out, it said we would meet in the afternoon, and i didn’t find out until shortly before the first session that we are actually starting at 10am. that got me up at ass o’clock to shower, gather my materials, and travel an hour and a half by train, bus, and kind of a long walk to get to the rec room of an apartment building where our first session. i realized i would be travelling a cumulative three hours for a three hour class, but i was still feeling pretty stoked. i didn’t develop a sense of dread until i got there, and saw that the room was empty except for the two organizers. they were playing reggae on a boombox and blazing a ton of nag champa, as one of them shuffled around the room barefoot waving a smudge stick around. i bit my proverbial tongue, trying to shelve my prejudices so they didn’t get in the way of the obviously awesome education i was about to get. a central coffee table was piled with all sorts of text books and dry specimens that i dove right into. i might have left right then, though, if i knew what i heard about an hour later, that they referred to this table as “the Altar.”

other people showed up as much as half an hour later, which annoyed me a little bit since i had woken up in the dark that morning to prepare for this. admittedly i don’t really understand the concept of fashionable lateness, but i felt like casually gouging 30 minutes out of a 3 hour paid event was kind of unfair. as it turned out, the instructor had failed to bring the equipment she needed for her powerpoint presentation, so we were delayed further while she tried and failed to scrounge up cables, and we missed out on visual aids and actual videos that probably would have been pretty useful. once we sat down and introduced ourselves, the second red flag popped up: a lot of the people in the room seemed to know each other. obviously that’s not bad in and of itself, but i could see what was happening. i was in the midst of a clique who were basically there to do what they would do under any other circumstances: listen to bad music, choke on incense, perform pseudo-spiritual rituals, and roll around on the floor. the difference between them and me, bigger than their intimacy and aesthetic values, was that i had paid [redacted] amount of money just to sit on the periphery of their fun hangout and listen to them sling rote revolutionary slogans and sociology jargon. some folks brought up important topics, like food sovereignty and mycoremediation, but we would never get deep enough into our topic to really address anything that interesting.

when it was my turn to talk, i realized that this was going to be an experience that i hadn’t really had since high school--my hair was wrong, my clothes were wrong, my speech was wrong, and i had been marked as a weirdo and an outsider. believe it or not, as an adult, i don’t much worry about what people might think about me, unless they force my awareness of it. i just figure i’m kind of different from a lot of people i encounter, and we can handle that with appropriate levels of polite distance. but, in the class, as the only person wearing black, and the only person in a collared shirt, and one of the only people who kept her shoes on and sat in a chair, it was impossible to ignore the discomfort people had with me. maybe it was also the fact that i failed to cite indigenous religions as part of my reason for being there, or to talk about “holding space” for healing or whatever. i actually went out of my way to be friendly and vocal, thinking i could alleviate some of the tension, but in some ways that seemed to make things worse. but i never thought i would have to worry about any of this; i mean call me crazy, but i really thought i was there to learn about fungi.

when the class finally started in earnest, my mistake became even clearer. A minor point of contention for me was the teacher’s casual snark toward the psychedelic community. i’m well aware of how bro-y that world can be, but i still thought it was kind of lame that she had to toss out barbs at drug nerds who refer to primordia as “pin sets” while doing a mean voice and rolling her eyes dramatically. maybe she felt like it was necessary to clarify that this would not be an entheogen-centric course, but she could have done better than to make fun of the way people talk. i say this because when she introduced scientific taxonomy basics, she mentioned “kingdom,” and pointedly followed it with the correction “OR QUEENDOM.” i can understand why we should challenge gendered vocabulary in non-gender-related areas, but it really made me feel like standing up and saying EXCUSE ME BUT YOU ARE USING VERY BINARY TERMS RIGHT NOW AND I WISH YOU WOULD ASSUME ACCOUNTABILITY FOR MAINTAINING A SAFE SPACE FOR EVERYONE. worse than that, when it came time to describe how substrate becomes inoculated with mycelium, she first used the correct mycological vocabulary, saying “the mycelium colonizes the soil”, and then added boldly, “BUT WE’RE NOT GOING TO USE THAT WORD.” this drove me absolutely insane. first of all, as with the kingdom/queendom distinction, she’s just making things confusing for people who are totally brand new to the topic and will absolutely need to know what the common contemporary terms are before they can make informed decisions about what kind of language they want to subscribe to later. secondly, this isn’t like the debate over reclaiming words like “queer”--”colony/colonization” is not a slur. it also doesn’t carry a moral connotation; even when we describe conquistadors colonizing central america, that doesn’t describe the inherent superiority of the spanish and inferiority of the indigenous peoples. colonization is the accepted description of a population of organisms taking over a certain area. i mean are we also working on changing the term ”ant colony” or even “artists’ colony”? is that a reasonable use of our collective political energy? and secondly, i agree that decolonizing thought is important. i remember the moment when, as an art history student, a professor taught us how to make a certain point by using the word “germinal” instead of “seminal”; i get the concept. but i don’t think that the problem of colonized thought is the use of the word “colonize” itself, and i don’t think that depriving us of the ability to describe colonization is going to help us identify and attack instances of...FUCKING COLONIZATION.

by the end of the first session...well, i couldn’t tell if it was the end exactly people had started milling around and snacking and talking about whatever, and considering our late start and just the general atmosphere of confusion, i wasn’t sure if i was supposed to wait for something else to happen. finally i just walked off, feeling pretty agitated. but, i clung to the idea that maybe further sessions would be of more value, that it was ok for the first class to consist of a bunch of shit i already knew as a result of casual interest, or could have easily looked up on wikipedia. future sessions were supposed to focus on field ID and foraging, and medicinal preparations and applications, among other things i’m ignorant of. i told myself that once the material became more stimulating, i would be naturally distracted from the dirty feet and elaborate yoga poses and insidery preaching-to-the-choir political language of my classmates, and would find myself engrossed finally in one of my favorite topics. probably i also just didn’t want to acknowledge how much money i had wasted.

what should have been the second class was postponed because the instructor’s van had broken down, which was totally understandable, although it kind of felt like par for the course considering the messiness of the previous session. unfortunately, it threw off the whole schedule, so we then wound up having two back to back days together, a regular saturday session, followed by an all-day foraging excursion that started earlier than usual and took place even further away than usual. i might as well have just gotten a hotel room up there for the weekend, but whatever, i sort of understood the risks when i signed up. the foraging session was what i was most looking forward to, and was the biggest disaster. i still hadn’t gotten the memo about how cool it was to show up as much as 45 minutes late, even for an event where we were supposed to meet up at a remote horse stable and then venture into the woods together. we didn’t get started until a least an hour, probably more after the 9am start. i’d been there since 8:50, and had to sit through an interminable playtime in which everybody did chakra-clearing breathing techniques and stretches, improv exercises and vocal warmups, and played some dumb hippy game where everybody tries to steal a stick from one another. my aforementioned sense of tortured obligation has caused me to submit to juvenile horrors like this in other circumstances, even though i thought adulthood was supposed to exempt me from this gym class bullshit, but i put my foot down this time, and sat about 25 feet away patiently waiting for the class to start, suffering some accusative glances.

the actual foraging we did was really fun, but being in the group was worse than ever. there was an excessive amount of anthropomorphizing going on, with all specimens described as “friends” that each student was encouraged to “meet” and “hang out with”, which resulted in a constant stream of high-pitched baby talk among us. i had been strongly warned against this anthropomorphizing mentality, both from a (fabulous, brilliant) druid-like arborist who taught my intro to botany class, and from the animal welfare community, all of whom correctly assert that projecting human needs and emotions onto non-human organisms is both delusional and actually dangerous for both people and the lifeforms around us...but whatever i guess. i had more immediate worries, because at some point, the baby talk gave way to improvised singing. it was brutally hot and dank in the woods, and the thrill of finding all kinds of different specimens was barely outweighed by the intense chagrin i felt as most of the group began stumbling through the creation of a hymn of gratitude to the mushrooms. sometimes we had to stop completely on the path so everyone could get in a circle and sing a round or three together. this was scheduled to be a 7 hour excursion, and by hour 3 i was seriously trying to work out at what point i would declare a family emergency or food poisoning and just run away.

part of the experience included a bit of a plant walk, led by one of the organizers who knew a lot about indigenous flora. this was sort of interesting in and of itself, and also relevant, since different mushrooms may grow on or near certain plants. but somehow, it still didn’t amount to a reasonable educational experience. half way through the hike, i noticed a classmate excitedly snatching up all the mugwort that she came across. she had been told by our guide about the many virtues of this “plant medicine”, a traditional cure-all for everything from epilepsy to PMS. what she hadn’t been told, evidently, is that mugwort is ferociously invasive, and practically impossible to get rid of. mugwort will choke out everything else around it, destroying the biodiversity that is necessary to support a healthy local ecology, losing us desirable plant life and starving out animal populations. i tried to tell her that she should be careful with that stuff, and avoid planting it in her yard if that was the fantasy, but she turned away irritably, clutching gnarled bundles of the sacred healer in her fists. it was a little thing, but somehow it really locked in the fact that i was in the wrong place. i hadn’t learned remotely as much new information about mushrooms as i should have in ~15 hours, and i had reason to believe that information we were getting could be less than reliable, or made unreliable by omission of other important facts. i had to get out of there. at some point we encountered a different mushroom group--a collection of appealing nerds in their 40s-60s called the Destroying Angels (after the deadly white amanita) who had accumulated a way cooler array of specimens than us, probably because they got started at a reasonable hour. i barely prevented myself from begging them to take me with them.

we returned to our spot near the parking lot two hours ahead of our scheduled conclusion, and as before, the situation devolved into a general hangout with no clear indication that the educational portion of the day was over. there were more songs and more games, and though i was coerced away from my boulder in the sun to join the group around their blanket, i managed to feign sleep long enough to get out of most of the activities. i was legitimately exhausted, at least.when i was thoroughly convinced that the lesson was over, i told everyone that i was too tired to continue and left, sparing myself an hour and a half of further agony.

ever since, i had been worrying about the final class. i absolutely wanted to learn about medicinal preparations and tinctures and home-growing techniques. but could it possibly be worth it? could i even be sure that the session would consist of more than what i had already learned from experience, and from unfairly maligned drug nerds on the internet? was i not too annoyed that the date of this class wasn’t even announced until four days ago, even though the class basically requires a day trip for more students than just me? by last night, the answers were perfectly clear. i let the group know that “something came up” without specifying, and bid them farewell, thanking them for their “inclusivity” among other things, which only i know is a joke. (at the end of the last i informed them all that i have ASD and don’t like to be touched, and i had the satisfying sense that they all realized that that was part of the reason i refused to join in their reindeer games) i’m vaguely concerned that i will have to deal with an annoyed instructor who literally owes me a bottle of tincture and growing materials as part of the price of the class, and who should really mail them to me now, but i can’t drag myself back to washington heights again just to avoid that nonsense. i don’t know what lesson i’m supposed to learn from this experience; maybe it’s enough to say that i don’t have to force myself to do everything i ever say i’m going to do, and also that in spite of the long way i have come from being an angry little punk poseur in college, i still hate hippies as much as ever. the end.

[somnilogical]

they will never be as strong or as fast as i can be

copy/pasted from a convo:

<<somni: ive been exploiting being able to talk about everything vs miri/cfar cant do what i do bc if they did they would talk about how they are evil. it would all chain back.

somni: omg i can just post this to my blog because i can talk about my meta-strategy and it confers pretty much no relative advantage to miri/cfar. because 1 most of them have disassembled their agency so its like talking in front someone who works at the dmv about taking over the world and the ones that have any agency (basically just anna salamon) have to work with and coordinate via brokenness the masses that have and 2 feels secure in the way that saying ill use my soul as my weapon feels secure, like the power of this technique doesnt depend much on people not knowing im using it.>>

truth is entangled and lies contagious. justice is entangled and injustice contagious. in order to sustain their facade, miri/cfar had to chain back to lie about the principles of decision theory itself. lie about the organization structure of cfar, lie about miri's fundraiser. and so much more.

any series of reasoned claims they make will chain back to stuff thats false or injustice, because they seek to maintain a region of untruth and injustice.

so yeah, miri/cfar basically cant talk in public except in staid formalities infinitely pouring the same entropy of "these people are psychotic" "these people are infohazards" "do not read what they write" "stay the course" "everything is under control, do not panic" "i know my associates at miri/cfar, they are good people" "if you talk with these people you may become a rapist". but not actually able to manifest dynamic compute. to explain themselves they built their own personal room 101, filled with miri/cfar affiliates and formed a united front of gaslighting. deluks (author of that one rationalist blog where they worked to read and summarize all the others) talks about the kind of compute miri/cfar manifested:

<<deluks: I also updated a lot based on Bay Area safety discussion

idk if I have ever been in such a hostile environment for anyone trying to discuss making thigns safer

If you wanted to discuss how Anna et all were innocent people would happily chat with you

If you tried to discuss ideas for making things safer either you got silence

or people would be insanely hostle if you plausibly slipped up at all

or even seemed like you might have been not careful enough in how you phrased things

extremely careful -> no engagement at all//even slightly less care -> get dogpilled>>

they have picked up the optimization style of of cops, as alice maz described them:

<<the role of the cop is to defend society against the members of society. police officers are trivially cops. firefighters and paramedics, despite similar aesthetic trappings, are emphatically not. bureaucrats and prosecutors are cops, as are the worst judges, though the best are not. schoolteachers and therapists are almost always cops; this is a great crime, as they present themselves to the young and the vulnerable as their friends, only to turn on them should they violate one of their profession's many taboos. soldiers and parents need not be cops, but the former may be used as such, and the latter seem frighteningly eager to enlist. the cop is the enemy of passion and the enemy of freedom, never forget this>>

i can travel lots of places and regenerate truth and justice.

i can go to a trans support group in the bay and show them logs of what elle said and did and they can recognize the pattern of minority oppression, transmisogyny.

i can talk with uninvolved decision-theorists about why paying out to oneshot blackmail with subjunctive dependence because "In game theory, paying out to blackmail is bad, because it creates an incentive for more future blackmail." is wrong. and why exploiting your subjunctive dependence as a udt agent to not pay out is right. they cant.

--

miri/cfar have to centrally coordinate on lies or they start crashing into each other. independently generating falsehoods in isolation makes them point in all directions.

independently generating and working off of truths allows everything to point in the same direction without needing to communicate. i can write this post and then idk maybe someone im algorithmically colluding with on this writes another post and they dont come out all distorted and skew with each other. this caches out in what looks from the outside as an uncanny ability to start dynamically colluding with people and output distinct strains of philosophy based on shared precepts.

interference with yourself looks like kelsey piper trying to claim that emma and somni are starting some sort of rape cult and anna and miri/cfar trying to claim we are naive victims of ziz's cult and ▘▕▜▋ claiming emma and somni are mindhacking ziz to make her bully them and jade nameless claiming im doing this to get a job at cfar and ...

since they make up their fake coordination points independently they smash into each other. if they want to coordinate over lots of people they then have to work out which of these they want to coordinate around in a sort of market of falsehoods. and have to arrange for it to not contradict any information anything people know. but they dont know all the information everyone knows, and they wont know it even after combing through lots of blogs and reading lots of discord chats.

when they try coordinating on falsehoods like this, its hard to get a coalition together in an environment where what people know is rapidly changing because a bunch of anarchist bloggers keep posting things in a bunch of places on a non-centrally controlled schedule determined by what seems like a good idea at the time to independent agents. and having lots of conversations with so many different people in private and public they cant keep track of them all.

if they try pretending to be dumb and forming a unified gaslighting front in one area. then people will exploit the fact that this is the internet and not the evolutionary environment, take logs and post them somewhere else where everyone didnt collude to be dumb in this particular way. so while their monkey brains get a rush of endorphins from being able to successfully coordinate local humans, what feels like an entire tribe, against the blasphemer, actually they just used their adult intelligence to defeat in front of a bunch of people who dont share their political commitments but who can reason about what is true and what is just.

(of course there are many truths this doesnt work on because of large inferential distance, shared mammalian biases it takes an unusual mind to step over, and shared incentives. but the defense of most regions of injustice and untruth when you ask questions have to keep chaining to more and more absurd things until you are defending causal decision theory or start claiming 'anna salamon, the president of cfar, is not involved in cfar's hiring'. which depend on a social context committed to defending everything that protects miri/cfar and people who dont have the same conclusion-that-must-not-happen can see that its dumb.)

if miri/cfar had committed themselves to the path of expanding agency, maybe i wouldnt be posting my thoughts and meta-process on the public internet. (in the counterfactual where they committed to this path, its likely that i wouldnt be protesting. because it seems actually-hard to stay on the path and remain evil.) but as it stands, i expect this information to differentially help anarchists and do about as much good for statists as explaining updateless decision theory to someone at cfar. its just this inert structure in their brains, they cant do anything strategic with it. they intentionally shut down their ability to take ideas seriously and drive out anyone left who can, calling them crazy.

what they can do is "oh here is a list of people to target" and "see if they said anything incriminating". ive seen their attempts to coordinate enter the attractors of 'authoritarianism' (duncans dragon army, kingsleys "repent and submit to [AUTHORITY FIGURE]") and 'lets all lie in the same direction and disable general cognition to update out of this! the important part is social agreement and that everyone allows social reality to have the final veto on their beliefs. i myself do this so you know im super safe and this is super fair.' (anna and kelsey). this sort of weak coordination based on breaking people can be easily subverted by anything real.

--

if you are actually right, you can exploit useful properties of being right and let that be your asymmetric weapon. such that all that challenge you know they will know its steel. and then people who compute the outcome and expect to lose, dont fight in the first place.

if my chosen weapon were actually the size of my muscles and imposing figure compared to anna salamon as miri/cfar people "believed" (exploiting the already extant anti-transfem psychic suppression field as one of their few functioning coordination points. probably not as functional now after what i have written.), then when i fought people it would create a warp field such that then people with smaller muscles wont fight in the first place, but id be deluged by people with larger muscles. i dont want to create a warp field that summons people with lots of muscles.

if i exploit properties of my souls, of truth and justice. then i have an arsenal of techniques that are stronger if i actually want to save everyone, if im actually right, if im acting for justice. because they exploit useful differential properties of each. and the warp field in higher density summons ... people who care about saving the world, truth, and justice. in other words, a high density of potential allies.

by default i want to exploit "the difference is that im right" not "the difference is that i have larger muscles". i want differential power to push away those who are wrong and unjust and attract those who are right and just into a kind of warp hull.

there are other reasons as well.

[lichlairs]

Checkout our new post over at https://lichlair.com/daily-monster-56-demogorgon

Daily Monster #56: Demogorgon

Today we’re talking about one of the most iconic monsters in Dungeons and Dragons. Not only that, but with the recent interest in this particular creature after Stranger things, I think it’s safe to say that at least a few newbies have found the hobby through it. Without further ado, let us discuss…

The Demogorgon

The basics

Alright, here we go, this one might just take a little longer than usual so let’s just get right into it.

Like our Tiamat article from a couple of months back, Demogorgon is definitely not the kind of monster you want to just throw at your party willy-nilly. Even just looking at the numbers for the stat block triggers my fight or flight instinct. We’re looking a solid +2 DEX for this monster’s lowest stat, granted, considering Demogorgon is a size Huge I would still think this is pretty great. Demogorgon’s WIS and INT are both more than acceptable at +3 and +5 respectively, but chances are that if you end up fighting this thing, you’ll want to watch out for its +7 CHA, +8, and +9 STR. That’s right, this thing has a 29 in strength.

Not only is this thing incredibly tough with an AC of 22 and a giant hit point pool of 28d12+224, but it also has some crazy saves and resistances! I’m talking about +10 DEX, +11 WIS, +15 CHA, and +16 CON to saving throws. Actual bananas… but even if you do manage to hit this thing, you still have to worry about overcoming Demogorgon’s resistance to Cold, Fire, and Lightning as well as its immunity to Poison and non-magical weapon attacks. And of you’re hopping to put this bad boy under some negative condition like charmed or frightened, you might want to think again because this chaotic demon has a handful of condition immunities as well. At this point sneaking your wait out might sound like the best choice but even that is unlikely considering Demogorgon’s Perception of +19, Truesight of up to 120ft range, and passive perception of 29.

Although communicating with this demon should be an easy task thanks to its telepathy of up to 120ft rage and its ability to speak all (and I do mean all) languages, I don’t recommend lying to the Prince of Demons; +11 to Insight might not sound like much after some of the other numbers we’ve discussed, but it’s still plenty.

Demogorgon gets an Innate Spellcasting ability that uses his CHA and has a crazy save DC 23. Using this feature he gains access to the following spells:

At will: detect magic, major image. 3/day each: dispel magic, fear, telekinesis. 1/day each: feeblemind, project image.

If you thought we were done listing all the ways in which today’s monster is a tough one to chew then you’re wrong; not only does he have a Magic Resistance that gives him advantage on saves, but thanks to its Two Heads, he also just gains advantage to save from pretty much every other condition that wasn’t in his list of resistances already.

Now that we’re done listing its features and attributes, it’s finally time to discuss some of the weapons at Demogorgon’s disposal. As a creature of legendary proportions Demogorgon has a multiattack and both Legendary resistances (3/day) and Legendary actions to compliment its array of attacks.

While under normal circumstances a Tentacle attack might not sound all that scary, getting hit by Demogorgon’s tentacles means having to make a save against hit point reductions. This basically means that it won’t matter how many clerics you have in your party because no healing can recover damage taken from these attacks.

Next we have Demogorgon’s infamous Gaze attack; any creature can choose to succeed on the save imposed at the cost of not being able to look at our demon until its next turn. Those who choose to hold his gaze must make a DC 23 CON save or suffer one of the following three effects:

Beguiling Gaze: on a failed save the target is stunned until the start of Demogorgon’s next turn or until the demon breaks eye contact.

Hypnotic Gaze: on a failed save the target is charmed until Demogorgon’s next turn, making it so that our demon can dictate their very action and move. Note that this cannot be use in conjunction with the Maddening Gaze legendary action.

Insanity Gaze: on a failed save the target suffers the effects of the Confusion spell, minus getting to make a saving throw, of course.

Today’s monster can take two legendary actions each round of combat. The first of our two options is a pretty simple Tail attack that does some pretty good damage but nothing else to boot. The second one, however, allows us to use Demogorgon’s Gaze an extra time per round as long as we only choose between Beguiling and Insanity.

All in all, this huge fiend definitely packs a punch. It’ no wonder he’s nicknamed the Prince of Demons. For those of you following along, today’s monster is considered a CR 26 creature of chaotic evil alignment.

The lore

Historically speaking, although there is some debate about it, the word “Demogorgon” is mostly accepted to have been the product of miscopying ancient documents. While this initial misunderstanding of Greek equaled our Demon Lord to a primal god, Christian writers slowly turned the word to represent a demon in hell.

In terms of our favorite pastime, Demogorgon first appeared in the world of Dungeons and Dragons back in 1976 when it was introduced along with Orcus as part of the Eldritch Wizardry supplement. This is one of those monsters that have been a staple of the game for as long as there has been a game.

Today’s monster goes by many nicknames: Prince of Demons, Sibilant Beast, Master of the Spiraling Depths. Demogorgon reigns over the Gawping Maw deep within the Abyss (88th layer to be specific) where it has built itself a massive castle, Abysm, with two spiraling towers shaped like snakes, one for each head.

Speaking of heads, one of the most important features about the Demogorgon’s appearance is its two very large simian like heads, each of which has a name and a distinct personality. The first head, Aameul, is the more charismatic and deceptive of them, always making plans and trying to find ways to separate itself from its tin head, Hethradiah, who represents primal savagery and destruction rather than cunning. The rest of Demogorgon’s body can be described as a combination of scales and fur, with broad shoulders and two tentacles instead of hands.

Even though the word “scientist” might not be the first thing you think about when you see depictions of this creature, Demogorgon does in fact have a bit of a hobby in creating twisted creatures. As if being an 18ft tall mutated simian with two heads wasn’t enough, he can count on the creatures he has created such as retrievers, ettins, and death knights= as well as a steady supply of hezrou and other nefarious beings that he keeps under his command.

Although his cult isn’t as numerous or common as that of other demons and evil entities, the Sibilant Beast can count on the support beings like the kuo-toa, troglodytes, and even human beings. In fact, it’s not entirely uncommon for warlocks to seek pacts with Demogorgon.

There is a lot more I could cover for today’s monster, but for the sake of not having article end up being longer than the Wikipedia page, I believe I’ll leave it at that.

The execution

Oh boy, this is a big one. I definitely wouldn’t recommend throwing this at your players until they’re near max level or have some sort of godly support to back them up. This is the sort of BBEG you leave for the end of the campaign, that’s for sure.

So, okay, let’s get a couple of things situated before we being. The first of these is the fact that, unlike other evil entities, Demogorgon is unable to planeshift, which means that, if you really really want your party of adventurers to fight him you’ll have to make them go to him and, as fun as raiding Abysm sounds, I think I’d pass, personally.

The second thing we need to know is that while he cannot be summoned into the material plane, extremely powerful individuals who worship him might have the ability to summon an aspect of him, which is actually where we get our statblock from.

The way I see it those are our two real options on how to push for an encounter with this monster. I think a way to even the battle field a bit more and give your party a little more of a chance to survive this encounter would be to have Demogorgon be focused on a different goal while the party assaults him. Perhaps now that an aspect of him has been released into the Material Plane he’s on his way to destroy Waterdeep or something. This would leave your party with a couple of rounds to unleash their worst on our Demon Lord before it finally turns to deal with the annoying flies buzzing around it.

An interesting idea for this combat would be to have the first half of it focus on minimizing Demogorgon’s damage, and surviving the effects of his presence in the Material Plane before decides that getting rid of our pesky adventurers is the best call. On top of having stuff like flying giant boulders that are being tossed about by our Demon and the expected chaos of it barging into a city, you could also decide to spice things up by having a few of its faithful servants show up.

One of the things that I enjoy the most about combat both as a player and as a DM is to have choices. Would the players decide to deal with the chaos around the city and save innocent lives? Or would they focus on trying to dispatch our Demon Lord back into the Abyss?

Aaaand that’s it for today. If you enjoyed this article and want to see other similar content, don’t forget to visit our social media so we can let you know when we post new articles. We put up new content every day of the week!

[once-upon-a-multi-fandom-blog]

You need to do become used in order to the unusual sensation of the bloodstream rapidly filling the penis of yours, but to stay away from discoloration or discomfort, you truly cannot go crazy.

2. Claims associated with a larger penis is likely to be exaggerated I discovered the pump will be able to temporarily provide you with larger erections by engorging it a lot more. Though I continue to be suspicious of promises it is able to try adding in to the size of yours.

For being good, I just utilized it for per month, as well as perhaps you'll need much longer to obtain outcomes. Though it did not create any kind of distinction within the very first month, which a lot of I am aware.

3. Not slight to use An additional concern is when you should make use of the pump. Can you permit the partner timepiece of yours? Or perhaps would you sneak above towards the bath room, reappearing a couple of mins later on prepared to cut grass?

I believe it is okay to utilize it inside the own period of yours, as well as in case you've a comprehension partner. The partner of mine believes it is very amusing & discovers it intriguing to look at!

But in case you are with somebody new, it is maybe significantly less subtle or convenient as a fast tablet as viagra.

Summary

Pros An reliable and effective method to get hold of an erection for sex More affordable compared to constant medication therapies as cialis or viagra Stays away from shooting any kind of medication Absolutely no systemic complications (affecting the majority on the body) Non-invasive treatment Quick and easy to use

Cons Equally you as well as the partner of yours need to recognize the procedure for utilizing the pump before sex It is much less slight than medication treatments It is often slightly uneasy to use Chance of small discoloration or even bruising Exclusively leads to short-term penis enlargement

Verdict There is absolutely no questioning that the penis pump did the role of its throughout the month I applied it. I manage to get hold of an erection each time I'd sex, as well as within almost no period. Thus as a means for treating erectile dysfunction, I was extremely satisfied with it.

Plus when compared with good erectile dysfunction medications, it had been terrific never to have the annoying negative effects as head aches or even an overused nose.

Even though it is able to provide you with a larger erection if you make use of it, I did not discover it transformed the dimensions of mine after the influence had used off however.

I am certain I will make use of the penis pump once again with the partner of mine. We have fallen beyond the original awkwardness, and also she discovers it type of enjoyable these days. But likewise, I can observe exactly why a slight tablet could possibly be a lot more attractive for some males.

Where you can purchase a penis pump You are able to purchase them by using many internet adult shops, plus they typically inventory identical heels.

I suggest bathmate recognized supplier, as they've a very good variety of each inexpensive plus more complex penis high heels.

The Hydromax x30, is a penis pump, meant to boost the measurements and also girth of a male's penis and assisting create more powerful erections plus more awareness after usage. When the title indicates, the Hydromax x30 is a hydro pump. Water is used by it, quite compared to atmosphere to develop as well as keep a vacuum. The poly carbon tubing methods 7.5 in in circumference round the starting (near the bellows.) and this also narrows somewhat while you shift as much as the roof of the tubing (7.1 in circumference.) the entire measurements (Plastic tubing and also bellows) on the Hydromax is ten in. The Hydromax x30 can be obtained within three various colors. You are able to often buy the distinct tubing model, such as mine, or maybe you are able to choose a white, or maybe an azure tubing. The colors continue to be semi transparent, therefore whichever colour you pick, you'll still have a great perspective of the penis of yours inside, though the distinct tubing will offer probably the very best perspective. The Hydromax x30 works on a bellows like pump to develop suction, instead of a light bulb pump, and that eliminates the demand for other attachments or even tubing as well as though I just have restricted practical experience and have a bulb pump prior to (On a pussy pump) the bellows pour appears to run very well. The vacuum is managed utilizing a fairly easy valve phone system to manage drinking water flow as well as stress. This particular valve was created to become utilized 1 handed, though from the expertise of mine, the switch might be somewhat rigid on event.

Operation: The Hydromax x thirty is user-friendly, though it takes just a little finding out in the beginning. Here is the way it works:

To begin with, turn the small greyish valve switch to shut place (Either edge of central.) The switch is little and also certainly will be a bit rigid, for that reason often can certainly be fiddly. Load up the pump with drinking water that is bright Either together with the label dealing with higher, which means you are able to notice dimensions, or perhaps with the label experiencing bad, to provide you with an unobstructed perspective, put in the penis within the pump as well as rest the casual band in place against the pelvis of yours. The casual band isn't uniformly formed, and also it dips inside somewhat on just one edge, this's the edge you preferably should have sleeping against the testicles of yours. Guarantee the testicles of yours are outside the Hydromax pump in this particular point. If needed, mild pull lower upon them to make sure they don't be sucked straight into the tubing. Start pushing the pump into the pelvis of yours. This can trigger the bellows to collapse (They are very solid plus it requires a small amount of force.) Only at that stage, you'll note a jet of moisture capturing out of the opposite conclusion of all of the pump. Gradually unwind the inward strain from the pelvis. This can trigger the bellows to elongate to the typical place of theirs, and this also stress can cause the penis of yours to become pulled upwards, or perhaps sucked into the pump. A seal is created, in case not, reposition as well as attempt once more. During the subsequent fifteen to twenty mins, recurring stairs five as well as six, gradually pumping the bellows to generate much more suction until perfectly stretched. Quit whenever you really feel you're arriving at the cap of yours of coziness. Should you pump a bit an excessive amount of & wish to discharge a little stress, just depress the entire valve dome. This can give off a bit, or maybe a great deal of stress, based on the length of time you depress the valve for. When you've completed, just press the small greyish valve switch to a main spot. This would uncover the valve in addition to quickly launch each liquid and pressure will put at the valve. (This can certainly additionally be accomplished when you have to put out strain quick, within every time.) Hydromax x30 Penis Pump packagingHydromax x30 Penis Pump packagingHydromax x30 Penis Pump valveMeasuring label on the Hydromax x30 Penis Pump Inside Use: Just before I get into the encounters of ours I have to point out I tried the Hydromax pump with 2 distinct men. (Not all at once. That could most likely be strange for them.) The main reason I'd to accomplish this was since the Hydromax x30 was simply not ideal for the partner of mine. He's very serious phimosis (Tight foreskin, not able to retract throughout the glans.) We really didn't believe the phimosis of his could be an aspect inside with a penis pump, though it actually is. As the partner of mine set about using the Hydromax, the penis of his normally started to enlarge, getting bigger than it'd obviously, despite an erection. This particular increased dimension triggered a great deal a lot more stretching out to the foreskin of his than normal, and yes it really started to really feel as although the skin of his will tear whether he carried on. The issue was, he was not close to the optimum opportunity of his and then thought he may go additional, in the event that not for the phimosis. Obviously this particular was an issue also I suppose this will likely be an issue for any kind of male having a small foreskin, therefore we surpassed the Hydromax x30 onto a curious and willing buddy, whom provided us with comments that is superb .

My good friend found an excellent expertise together with the Hydromax x30. He discovered it has been pleasant to make use of as well as even though he was uncertain at very first, he found it labored significantly, better than he expected. (To the stage that it really turned into a favorite plaything of his.) he described the feelings during using as becoming much like a taking, or perhaps stretching out feeling as well as despite the fact that which seems strong, he didn't encounter some pain, except if he have just a little taken at a distance and also pumped far. With this example, the fast discharge valve functioned very well to alleviate the stress quick. The only real additional point he encountered soreness was in the course of the very first make use of of his, as he settled minimal focus on the testicles of his as well as 1 accidently got' sucked up' that was not by far the most comfy experience. (Hold on to the toes of yours, boys.)

Because clean water is used by the Hydromax, quite compared to air flow, to produce a vacuum, it is able to just be utilized within the bathtub, bath or any other damp space. Nevertheless, utilizing normal water offered several additional advantages. First of all, it appears to produce a more powerful seal, when compared with air most pumps, as well as leakages are not as likely, therefore you do not really feel as it's continuously shedding suction when you go. Next, the comfortable drinking water looked to help you unwind the bloodstream vessels within the penis, providing much better, larger results. (Plus it simply can feel nicer.) The good friend of mine has today employed the pump on six various events as well as informs me that, on every consequent make use of, he's were able to boost the dimensions of the penis of his, based mostly on the prior results of his. Sooner or later, this particular boost will quit occurring, though it's quite a great indication which the item is engaging in as meant.

What shocked me essentially the most however, was simply just how much this particular pump does boost the dimensions on the penis. Along with duration, the Hydromax also offers an impact on girth, and also during some point, my good friend was able to run the whole tubing. (Girth wise.) This's not really a narrow tubing, computing 7.5 in in circumference. The Hydromax significantly boosts sizing, and also it will it perfectly. The great bulk on the swelling sets within one hour, though the good friend of mine observed that it can get as many as twenty four working hours for the penis of his to go back totally to the pre pumped condition of its. The very first hour right after pumping happens when he observed the best modification, not only inside dimension, but additionally within feeling. The good friend of mine seen he sensed much more delicate simply right after pumping, and this also flat heightened the orgasms of his.

Downsides: As a result of the bellows design pumping, and also the solid suction produced, at times the Hydromax is able to provide you experiencing a bit of bruised all around the groin location of yours, the majority of significantly exactly where it rests in place against the pubic bone of yours. In case you've very high testicles, you are going to need to support on for them although you primarily produce a seal, to stay away from them unintentionally driving sucked in place within the tubing. If you ever experience with phimosis or maybe any kind of type of penis soreness, particularly when erect, you might not get the complete opportunity of yours on the Hydromax x30.

An additional point to keep in mind is the fact that at a particular thing within the pumping, it starts to obtain a lot of more difficult to still pour. To put it simply, right after a particular issue, you can't draw away much more h20 or atmosphere out of the tubing. This doesn't truly induce a big issue, since the outcomes continue to be remarkable, however for men that want to have the ability to keep that here small bit more, you may want to check out the Hydromax x40 as an alternative This's additionally the case for just about any men that happen to be bigger compared to, point out, seven in, because you are going to feel just like you might go more, but there's absolutely no suite remaining to do it.

An additional point to think about is the fact that the Hydromax is only able to be utilized within the bathtub or even shower (Water squirts from the conclusion because you pump it.) therefore this can restrict the encounters of yours to many instances within a bath room, though within the point of view of ours, it's worth every penny. Faucet actually works as properly.

Hydromax x30 Penis PumpThe Hydromax x30 Penis Pump includes extra valve partsThe Hydromax x30 Penis Pump - casual pad Care as well as cleaning: Being completely submersible, the Hydromax x30 is quite simple to clean up. Make use of several warm, soapy drinking water as well as a great rinse later, nonetheless, you might have to have a comb or a cloth or sponge of some type, to completely attain in the conclusion on the tubing to really clean there. (I think Bathmate offer cleansing systems for the most pumps of theirs, though you are able to trendy one thing helpful in your own home a lot of cheaper.) Additionally, it includes an extra valve as well as valve cap (Basically, you are able to change the entire valve area, must it fail.) that stretches the lifetime of the pump 2 occasions over. Great.

Protection Information: The Hydromax x30 has a multitude of reliability guidelines. The mechanical implies you shouldn't be wearing the pump in case you are afflicted by cardiovascular or maybe lung disorders, high blood pressure levels, stroke, epilepsy or even convulsing condition, genital urinary problems, out of control diabetic issues, in case you're spending anti coagulants, have sickle cellular anaemia, bleeding problems, leukaemia or perhaps in case you don't have discomfort feelings within the genital region. You ought to additionally avoid using the pump for over 15/20 mins each time and also you shouldn't duplicate use within twenty four several hours.

Summary: The Hydromax x30 is an incredibly great penis pump. It's been created very well to permit outcomes that are remarkable while staying comfy throughout usage. The develop quality is excellent as well. The Hydromax x30 created remarkable modifications within both the girth and also the measurements of the penis of his. Additionally, it provided him much stronger erections (Most apparent after pumping.) and also heightened the awareness of his after usage. I'm unsure no matter whether it had been a lot more trust inside the pump, or maybe the pump itself operating it is secret, though the good friend of mine managed to observe modest raises every time he utilized it. While using computing gauge on the edge on the tubing, he recognized tiny boosts in deep duration, though I'm certain this won't begin permanently, and also within a bit of stage he is going to reach the restrict of his. The end result are extremely apparent as well as not one of us had been wanting SUCH a positive change. Nevertheless, the expansion, or even swelling, does vanish back again above period, before penis is about the typical size of its. In general, the Hydromax x30 actually pleased me and yes it definitely pleased the good friend of mine, whom experienced a bit of uncertain in the beginning, these days would like to utilize it nearly all many days. Most 3 individuals had in no way encountered a penis pump before, however the Hydromax has amazed each and every person individuals. I'd just hesitate about it, in case you experience with phimosis, penis soreness or even are bigger than seven in inside measurements or even have rather a big girth. (If you're bigger, go over the Hydromax x40.)

[brigdh]

A lot of reading reviews

I was unexpectedly busy for most of April, so this is several weeks' worth of reading – though weeks where I didn't have much time for reading for fun, alas. Enjoy an overabundance of reviews? What did you just finish? A Short History of Drunkenness: How, Why, Where, and When Humankind Has Gotten Merry from the Stone Age to the Present by Mark Forsyth. A shallow but funny history of humanity's relationship with booze. Brief chapters cover pretty much every historical era you'd expect: Egypt, Mesopotamia, the Greeks, the Romans, the Bible, Ancient China, Vikings, the Medieval Middle East, Medieval England, the Aztecs, colonial Australia, the Wild West, Russia, American Prohibition, and London's Gin Craze of the 1700s. That's quite the list for a book of less than three hundred pages, and indeed Forsyth is clearly focused on being amusing and easy to read more than he is on deep historical investigations – which isn't really a critique, as long as "silly and quick" is what you're looking for. (I am a bit skeptical of some of his claims, but he has footnotes to back him up; I suspect it's a case of Forsyth taking the most extreme possible side in genuine historical debates.) It's a nice collection of "hey, did-you-know" trivia, but I doubt anyone will come away with more insight on the history of alcohol than they started with. I read this as an ARC via NetGalley. Caliban's War by James S.A. Corey. The sequel to Leviathan Wakes, which I had mixed feelings about. Well, goddamn! Corey has levelled up their writing beyond my highest expectations, particularly in regards to characterization. This time around we have four PoVs. There's Holden again, who remains somewhat action-hero-y but has become far more sympathetic (possibly because he actually has idiosyncratic attributes now; I'm particularly fond of his deep attachment to a fancy coffee-maker). We're introduced to Bobbie Draper, a highly-trained marine from the Martian military and the only surviving witness of the opening salvo of the Martian-Earth war, which might actually have been an accident caused by an alien attack; she prefers battle to politics, and struggles with the question of who she should be loyal to when no one believes her or cares about the whole alien thing. Next is Chrisjen Avasarala, a tiny gray-haired grandmother with a meaningless-sounding title ("assistant to the undersecretary of executive administration") who is actually the power behind the throne of the UN, now Earth's ruling body; she smiles and snacks on pistachios in public and curses like a sailor in private, fiercely determined to ride over any opposition she encounters. And finally there's Prax – Praxidike Meng – a botanist and single father of a four-year-old daughter, more comfortable with plants or scientific reports than being social or having emotions, and completely over-his-head incompetent with the politics and violence he soon finds himself thrown into. The plot sets off when that four-year-old disappears in the conflict of war. A great many people have disappeared or died, and more than that are starving, displaced, rioting, or soon to be all of the above, so Prax is unable to get the authorities to care about one lost little girl. That is until he accidentally encounters Holden et al, and finds the team he needs to solve what increasingly becomes a deep, wide-spread mystery. Meanwhile, Avasarala and Bobbie are trying to convince the militaries of Earth and Mars to back down and focus on the real problem: possible aliens from who-knows-where, capable of doing who-knows-what. Unsurprisingly, these plots eventually intersect for a dramatic climax. I really appreciate how Corey doesn't focus on the action to the detriment of meaning. Yes, there's lots of space battles and killer aliens, but there's thoughtful insight on war and human nature too: “So you’re in an entrenched position with a huge threat coming down onto you, right?” Avasarala said, sitting down on the edge of Soren’s desk. “Say you’re on a moon and some third party has thrown a comet at you. Massive threat, you understand?” Bobbie looked at her, confused for a moment, and then, with a shrug, played along. “All right,” the marine said. “So why do you choose that moment to pick a fight with your neighbors? Are you just frightened and lashing out? Are you thinking that the other bastards are responsible for the rock? Are you just that stupid?” “We’re talking about Venus and the fighting in the Jovian system,” Bobbie said. “It’s a pretty fucking thin metaphor, yes,” Avasarala said. “So why are you doing it?” Bobbie leaned back in her chair, plastic creaking under her. The big woman’s eyes narrowed. She opened her mouth once, closed it, frowned, and began again. “I’m consolidating power,” Bobbie said. “If I use my resources stopping the comet, then as soon as that threat’s gone, I lose. The other guy catches me with my pants down. Bang. If I kick his ass first, then when it’s over, I win.” “But if you cooperate—” “Then you have to trust the other guy,” Bobbie said, shaking her head. “There’s a million tons of ice coming that’s going to kill you both. Why the hell wouldn’t you trust the other guy?” “Depends. Is he an Earther?” Bobbie said. “We’ve got two major military forces in the system, plus whatever the Belters can gin up. That’s three sides with a lot of history. When whatever’s going to happen on Venus actually happens, someone wants to already have all the cards.” “And if both sides—Earth and Mars—are making that same calculation, we’re going to spend all our energy getting ready for the war after next.” “Yep,” Bobbie said. “And yes, that’s how we all lose together.” Caliban's War is a incredible page-turner of a book, with wonderfully engaging characters, detailed worldbuilding, and enough substance to give the action weight. Plus, how can you not like a book where the bad guy turns out to be the military-industrial complex? Also there is a hell of a cliffhanger ending to this book. I'm really glad I didn't have to wait a year for the sequel to be published. Abaddon's Gate by James S.A. Corey. The sequel to Caliban's War, part 3 of The Expanse series. The plot is becoming hard to talk about without spoiling the previous books, so if you don't want to know what happened, stop reading here. The inexplicable alien presence (is it a virus? An AI? something else?) first encountered in the first book of the series has constructed a giant ring far out on the edges of the solar system. Earth, Mars, and the Outer Planet Alliance (OPA, a loose conglomerate of the various colonies on other planets, moons, and asteroids) have each sent ships to study it, but the only thing anyone can tell is that it seems to be a gate to somewhere else. Until, of course, plot events send several ships accidentally through it and into a truly alien, nicely creepy other-place, where even the laws of physics are mutable and prone to abruptly changing. Meanwhile, Holden is visited by Miller, who died in the first book and whose appearance/personality/knowledge the alien presence seems to have co-opted as a face for itself. Unfortunately trying to communicate across the barriers of species and millions of lightyears is just as difficult as it sounds, and what Miller manages to say comes across as garbled nonsense, often intelligible only after whatever he was warning about has already happened. The climax of the book goes small-scale, with two sides battling for control of a single spaceship, crawling through tunnels and fighting hand-to-hand. It's a striking change from the previous books that ended in giant confrontations with hundreds of ships while being just as exciting. Once again we have a new set of PoVs (except for Holden, who continues on), and though I desperately missed Avasarala, Bobbie, and Prax, I have to admit these new guys were pretty fun too. First off is Clarissa Mao, the sister of Julie Mao (now dead from the alien zombie virus) and daughter of Jules-Pierre Mao (now imprisoned for life for war crimes, due to turning the alien virus into a bioweapon and trying to sell it to the highest bidder). Her once-powerful and crazy-wealthy family is disgraced and scattered, and Clarissa blames James Holden personally. She's determined to get revenge – not just to kill him, but to ruin him and his reputation, and make all the galaxy doubt his previous actions –  and she doesn't care how many other people have to die to make that happen. To get to Holden, she disguises herself as a nobody, an electrochemical technician on a minor spaceship, and finds herself spending every day dealing with people and problems that were once far beneath her notice. There's also Bull – Carlos Baca – head of security for the main spaceship of the OPA navy. Although Bull is far more experienced and sensible than either the captain or XO, he finds himself relegated to third in command because he grew up on Earth rather than in the Asteroid Belt, and Earthers are visibly distinct from Belters; it's a bit like getting demoted because you're the 'wrong' race, and it would look politically bad for you to be in charge. After an accident halfway through the book, Bull becomes paraplegic. I thought the handling of his disability was mostly well-done, and seeing a big, physically-imposing guy deal with being unable to use strength to enforce his will was an interesting twist. Finally we have my favorite character of this book: Annushka Volovodov, or Pastor Anna. She's a tiny, non-drinking, politically-unconnected, small-town Methodist preacher, determinedly pacifistic and married to a woman. She ends up heading to the Ring when Earth decides to send a team of artists, poets, philosophers, and religious leaders along with the scientists and military, mainly to show off that it can afford to do so, though theoretically to interpret the meaning of an alien presence. I can't imagine a character less likely to end up as the star of a space-opera thriller than a lesbian pastor who just wants everybody to stop fighting, you guys, seriously, why don't we talk about forgiveness and maybe organize a Sunday service with grape juice and a sermon about coming together?, and yet it works incredibly, unexpectedly well. I love Anna so much, and continue to be deeply impressed at the diversity of personalities Corey has written after a first book that was fairly disappointing in that regard. They even seem to be particularly good at writing women who are very different from one another but are all well-rounded, believable, and fascinating, and I would never have seen that coming. The world-building continues to be really well-done. I particularly enjoyed the many scenes set on the Behemoth, an enormous spaceship originally built to be a colony ship for Mormons but retrofitted due to necessity into a warship. The murals of Jesus and angels providing a backdrop for war counsels and weapons storage are maybe a too-obvious irony, but one that never failed to make me laugh. I didn't love Abaddon's Gate quite as much Caliban's War, mostly because the characters here were very good but just not as spectacularly wonderful as before. But that's a relatively minor criticism, and overall I admire Corey's focus on petty, recognizable human squabbling even in the face of worldchanging developments. I'm looking forward to the next book already. Confessions of the Fox by Jordy Rosenberg. What is this? Well, a damn hard book to review, to start. On one level we have what is presented as the 'recently discovered autobiography' of Jack Sheppard, real-life petty thief and escapee from jail in early 1700s London. Sheppard lived fast and died young, then proceeded to become an enormously famous figure in English folklore, probably most recognizable today as the inspiration for "The Ballad of Mack the Knife" in The Threepenny Opera. But Confessions of the Fox is in fact a novel, and though it otherwise mostly stays close to the facts and dates (as we know them) of Jack's life, here Jack is a transman, his girlfriend Bess is the daughter of a South Asian man who was press-ganged by the East India Company before escaping into an independant communal society hidden away in the fens of East Anglia, and his best friend Aurie is a black gay man. Just to be clear, I am all for this presentation of a multiracial queer history. A second level of story is presented through footnotes, much like House of Leaves (though infinitely less confusing than that book, since we only have two levels of story here rather than the four or five in House of Leaves). This narrator is Dr R. Voth, a professor of English literature who is editing Jack's "autobiography" for publication and who is a transman himself. Voth alternates between telling mundane stories of his life – his ex, his job troubles, his attempts to ask out a neighbor – and citing genuine academic sources to provide context for Jack's story. Voth is fictional but his sources are not, which makes for an unsettling mixture of truth and imagination; I think I would have assumed the academic footnotes were also fictional if I hadn't happened to recognize several early ones. I've read Gretchen Gerzina's Black London: Life Before Emancipation and Walter Johnson's Soul by Soul: Life Inside the Antebellum Slave Market, among others, and seeing them mentioned by a fictional character was like water to the face, confusing my assumption of what was real and what wasn't. As the story goes on, "P-Quad Publishers and Pharmaceuticals" in association with "Militia.edu" attempts to take control of Jack's autobiography and Voth's work on it, leading both levels of Confessions of the Fox to become critiques of the commodification of the body and its experiences, capitalism in general, the history of the discovery and modern patenting of synthetic testosterone, and how historical biographies enter (or, more often, don't enter) the archive. Which leaves us in an odd place. If you didn't instantly recognize what I meant by The Archive in that previous line, if you're one of the vast majority of humans on Earth who haven't read Appadurai's "Commodities and the Politics of Value", then I'm not sure this book is interested in talking to you. Certainly if Rosenberg ever bothered to explain any of these concepts in an introductory way I missed it. On the other hand, if you, like me, are an overeducated liberal who can nod pretentiously at sentences like "A commodity is an entity without qualities", then I'm not sure Confessions of the Fox has anything new to say to you. It restates various queer, postcolonial, and Marxist theories without adding anything to them or combining them in interesting ways. Like, sure, we all agree with Foucault that prisons form the model for surveillance and discipline by the wider society, but so what? Dosomething with that idea, expand upon it, challenge it, or else there's no reason to read Rosenberg's book if you've already read Foucault's. So then who is Confessions of the Fox for? I have genuinely no idea. The love story between Jack and Bess or the adventure of Jack's exploits should have been enough to carry their half of the story. I love me a good historical thriller of criminals and the whores they adore. But we didn't really get that here; we see Jack and Bess's first meeting and first night spent together, but then we jump ahead to them as an already established relationship without seeing how they grow together and build trust and affection. Similarly, we never see Jack learn to pick pockets or burglar houses; he's just an innocent apprentice and then suddenly a famously skilled thief. He meets Aurie once and then we're told they're brothers-in-arms without ever seeing their friendship. Etc. In addition to all this, it's hard to love characters who are more living examples of theories than they are three-dimensional people, particularly when they keep bursting into dialogue like this example: Bess stood, speaking to the entire room. “Plague’s an excuse they’re using to police us further!” She looked out. Most continued to quaff and quarrel amongst themselves. “All of you! They’re panicking the people delib’rately. It’s a securitizational furor they’re raising to put more centinels on the streets. Can’t you see that?” It's not even that I disagree with the concept of "security theater", but it's not good fiction to have your characters straight-up define it, and then POINTING OUT IN A FOOTNOTE THAT THE 1720-ISH DATE WOULD MAKE HER THE FIRST TO DO SO IS EVEN WORSE, OH MY GOD, DON'T PRAISE YOUR OWN FICTIONAL CHARACTERS FOR THE MODERN LANGUAGE YOU GAVE THEM. Ahhh, I don't know. I agree with all of Confessions of the Fox's politics, I want to support histories (fictional or not) with more accurate, multiracial, and queer portrayals of the past, and I've certainly read far, far worse books, but in the end I just didn't much enjoy this. The worst I can say is that it's unengaging; I found my attention constantly drifting whenever I tried to read, and even put it down for a few weeks before finally coming back to finish it. But no matter what its good intentions, that doesn't make for a book I'd recommend. In the end Confessions of the Fox has a fantastic concept, but unfortunately doesn't pull off the execution. I read this as an ARC via NetGalley. What are you currently reading? The Pride of Chanur by C.J. Cherryh. sholio is going to be hosting a tumblr book club, if anyone else wants to read along!

[DW link for easier commenting]

[yakumtsaki]

Take your hands off me, I don't belong to you, you see, and take a look at my face for the last time, I never knew you, you never knew me, say hello.. ♪

WAVE GOODBYE. 

WHADDUP PPL. Much like Ronroneo, we’re back from the dead and ready for a whole new generation of Union fuckery. We’re also officially.. drumroll.. MIDDLE CLASS. Our shiny new house is based on this one by frottana-sims​, which I downloaded but dumbassly forgot to install, and since loading the game takes a hot half-hour I opted for this poor recreation instead. We start the extreme home makeover with an incredible budget of..

...Yea, I see the value of getting 6 pets to the top of their careers now. Included in this insane sum is the 20k+ that Wyatt and Jojo brought with them moving in, and at first I’m worried that we’re way too rich for only generation 2. Well, careful what you wish for, cause here’s our post-remodeling budget:

LMAO. It’s as if not a day has passed since Vic started this legacy with a dream in her heart and crap to her name. Let’s check out the new digs!

Everything was purple.. his pills.. his hands.. his foyer. 

As eagle-eyed readers may observe, both the hall and the living room were designed with nothing else in mind but whether they matched our cat paintings. Per legacy rules I use as little cc as possible, which isn’t that hard since I feel this bizarre, angular and hugely impractical couch really encapsulates Jojo’s essence. Like if he was a servant in Beauty and the Beast this would be his furniture form.

Apparently the only things I deemed important enough to capture were the cat portraits, so it looks like my Komeization is finally complete! Here’s some floorplan shots tho so you don’t get disoriented in our labyrinth-like mansion. Please note our amazing pink-blue-purple kitchen! Barbie’s Dreamhouse who??

And here’s the second floor, which also illustrates the exact point I ran out of money. Honestly looking back I don’t understand how the fuck this place cost 70k?? Like nothing is particularly expensive except the amazing vintage batmobile which was around 30-40k and some of the paintings? But I guess all the small things add up in the end + I’m super bad with money..

..and I’m not the only one. Jojo GET A FUCKING GRIP and A JOB. Literally no comment @ your cat wants, you inherited the jaw, wasn’t that enough??? ANYWAY. I know the question on everyone’s mind is how is Wyatt going to fit in with the Unions.. and all I have to say about that..

..is LOL. Truly the perfect career for when your mother-in-law is a criminal mastermind and your husband is a serial killer! I mean the jokes practically write themselves. At least he doesn’t want 10 kids or any shit like that, cause I’ve seen hell and it was the result of mixing Jojo/Wyatt genes in cas.

On top of gifting us with his future-probably-fug children, Wyatt also gives us the gift of our first ever kitchen fire when he decides to make dinner with 1 cooking point. His generosity really knows no bounds.

It’s all fun and games now but Wyatt deadass almost died in the inferno and was about to take poor, stupid Komei with him, who of course ran to the fire even though he was in the yard. Meanwhile Victoria was safely watching tv and didn’t move while Jojo..

..was doing this in the next room. Two types of sims I guess!

-So Wyatt, you’ve been here for almost an hour now, burned down our kitchen and I still don’t see any grandchildren. I thought you were a family sim!

-Haha oh mom, you’re hilarious! Ignore her, Wyatt, let’s enjoy your delicious pasta.. It was definitely worth almost dying for.

-Your mama is right, mon cheri, not only do you have an obligatión to your famille but I rolled the want to have a bébé the second we graduated!

-Well it’s still gonna be there when we aren’t broke, Wyatt, god!

-But.. bébés, mon cheri! Tons of bébés I can have but never interact with, in typical famille sim fashión!

-UGH thanks a lot for opening this gate, mom. If only you had found your love of children when I was living on cat food.

-Well it’s different when they are your children, everyone knows that.

-THAT’S NOT WHY PEOPLE SAY THAT MOM

-Honestly, Jojό, I’m prouder of taking down your répugnant suitόrs than I am of graduating with honors!

-Aww Wyatt <3

-And if I have to souffrir through a childless existence to be with mon amour, so be it (:

-Aw- wait what?!

-Really, c’est bien, Jojό, marriage is all about compromise, nό? I mean, not that I would know since we’re not even married yet!

-Wyatt we’ve been here for 3 hours.

-My point précisément.. C’est bien though!

-Can’t believe I’m saying this but I really regret murdering Ti-Ning. 

That makes two of us, Jo. Honestly even Francis would be better than this. Family sim spouse??? Tf was I thinking. 

Ah, some things never change <3 It’s a new day and someone very special passes by our lot..

UGH NO not you asshole, once again delivering bills at the worst possible time.

-Miss me bitch?? Lolol

ONE OF THESE DAYS DAGMAR. ONE OF THESE DAYS ISTG

No, it’s mismatched beard townie, whose regular outfit is simply iconic, and he’s waving at me! What a sweetheart! TAKE SOME NOTES DAGMAR YOU FROZEN-FACED FREAK

-Umm he’s actually waving at me, moron.

-WRONG, he’s waving at me!

Ok it literally doesn’t matter who he’s waving at. 

-Well c’est moi. 

OK WHATEVER WYATT GOD. Just go off to work in a position you’re criminally unqualified for and try not to die ok??

-Why would I mourir?

Hm let’s see, maybe because you’re a ‘SWAT Team Leader’ straight out of college with a shocking lack of skill points?? Jfc college degrees in this game are so fucking op it’s legit making me resentful of my sims.

In other news, major dicks Sophie and Victor have started constantly beating each other up and the only thing surprising about this development is that it took this long. Honestly these fights are peak #TeamNoOne. Please note Alegra who continues to give 0 fucks @ the bloodshed. What a gal <3

Burning with religious fervor, fundamentalist nutjob Sophie emerges victorious!

-I WALK WITH GOD BITCH

Tears. Literal tears. Victor is the most unbelievable creature I have ever played.

-The rampant violence in this house is a violation of human rights! I AM OUTTA HERE

Literally still cannot believe this happened, like the sheer NERVE is killing me. Victor has started every fight he’s ever been in for an astounding total of 40-50 fights, and as you all know he almost always wins. Like this one was what? The fourth one he lost?? AND YET HE RUNS AWAY LIKE HE’S THE VICTIM I HATE/LOVE HIM SO MUCH

Meanwhile this happens which, of course. Leave it to me to finally get a chance card right for the only sim who doesn’t even deserve the job he currently has.

..Police Chief Wyatt reporting for duty! And crime increased 80% overnight. 

In actual good and not lawsuit-waiting-to happen news, Wyatt brought Amanda, Vic’s only friend/lesbian crush with him! Amanda has the distinct honor of being literally the only non-Union non-Jojo person Vic has ever genuinely liked and hasn’t had an affair with. YET THAT IS.

Man, these are some fat fucking flies. I’m talking 10 plagues of Egypt teas. 

-I KNOW, where the fuck is Komei, what are we paying him for?

-I’m over here honey, talking to my least favorite son for the second time in my life, since apparently he’s sticking around.

-Yes, thanks for requesting a recount of the heir vote, dad. I will remember it when I decide where to scatter your ashes. 

-I TOLD YOU I WANT THEM MIXED WITH THE CAT LITTER 

Ugh Komei, please stop trying to bond with your son and do something productive instead-

-like finally convincing Neo to bang Sophie. She has refused 3 TIMES because there’s a rule I have to earn kittens by suffering. I mean Alegra refusing to procreate with Victor made sense, it was Victor, wtf is Sophie’s excuse? Waiting for marriage?

ABOUT TIME

YAS. CAT GEN 3 ON THE WAY. Human gen 3 will have to wait till I’m in the mood to deal with screaming infants aka it might take a while.

The science career FINALLY SHOWS UP after 5 fucking days, jfc. Love how Wyatt’s dumb ass started as a swat team LEADER but Jojo who has half the skills maxed starts as a science teacher. Also love the idea of Jojo as a teacher in general, I mean just imagine having him teach you science in high school. I would literally drop out.

Jojo returns from work, brings this rando with him and doesn’t get promoted. We can’t all be Wyatt I guess! We’re not completely broke anymore tho so..

It is time.

Gunther, Melody and Max Flexor on one side..

Craig, Brit Brit, Ti-Ning and Daniel on the other. What a bunch of assholes, Craig obviously excluded. Remember him? I invited him because he and Jojo are still semi-friends thinking he wouldn’t show up and yet here he is! What a good guy. 

-It’s at moments like this, watching your high school boyfriend get married.. that you really get to thinking..

Awww.

-..there but for the grace of god go I.

Less awww. You’re not wrong tho, definitely dodged a sociopathic bullet..

..not everyone is that lucky. WE GET IT WYATT YOU’RE CRAZY AND IN LOVE

-Mon bien adoré, I vow to aimer and honόr you and not cheat on you again or at least be more discrete about it <3

-And I vow not to kill you and feed you to the cats for as long as we both shall live <3 

Ah, true love, you guys. 

Too bad half our guests are inside dancing-

-OR HAVING COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE AND UNTIMELY THOUGHTS. TI-NING SERIOUSLY GO TO HELL. I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU HOW DARE YOU

Well at least Vic is excited which is more than I can say for Gunther who is literally LOOKING THE OTHER WAY. 

Time to cut the cake with the sky as our only witness, since everyone has taken a plate from the buffet and fucked off inside. Seriously WORST GUESTS EVER 

Not one to be outdone by his guests’ questionable behavior, Wyatt takes the time to remind us who he really is. 

-And n'est-ce pas forget it!

Despite all the obvious problems, like one of the grooms literally going to sleep, our party score is ‘good time’ which is a truly rare and exciting occurrence. With less than a minute left I’m feeling pretty confident that nothing can ruin this wedding!

Weirdly no one has touched the champagne even though sims in general are obsessed with it?? My best guess is everyone is at a loss for words at having to toast this union and who can blame them tbh. Thankfully Daniel steps up and I find it super sweet because I’ve forgotten that he and Wyatt are mortal enemies and it’s only by chance they haven’t beaten each other up on this instance like they have countless times before.

-Let’s all raise a glass to my beloved brother, Jojo, who generously woke up to attend his own wedding reception! Just one of many examples of his fine, giving character. Too bad he’s committing his life to a complete waste of space adulterous loser like Wyatt, who I’m not even convinced is really french, since his ability to speak and understand english fluctuates according to convenience. Man, I promised myself I wouldn’t cry, but this choice in spouse is just too tragic. Oh well! To Jojo!

NOICE, still a good time. SO CLOSE

AND YET SO FAR. Goddammit do you two mind killing each other on your own time and not literally 10 seconds before our wedding ends??

-DIE WHORE, THIS WILL TEACH YOU TO STEAL MY MAN

-THAT’S MY LINE SLUTBAG

-HA! ZUMBA, BITCH

-Wow, so glad I woke up for this, really got my bloodlust going! 

Indeed a roaring success if there ever was one. I mean how can this night possibly get any better?

.............of course.

Oh nice, I remembered to install an alarm for once! I’m also desperately trying to wake up Wyatt thinking that he’s fucking CHIEF OF POLICE so he might prove useful in this situation..

..especially since we get this cop of a completely untrustworthy Bieber hairstyle. Talk about striking fear in the heart.

Sadly it turns out that Wyatt could not give less of a shit that we’re getting robbed and picks this moment to head for wedding buffet leftovers-

-while Bieber cop prevails! This robber is awesomely named Russ Bear btw and I wish that was my name, sounds like a slavic medieval folkore hero. But I digress. Please prepare yourselves because our first robbery is about to take a dark turn.

-Ehh, you get at a certain level on la force, you just become desensitized to la criminalité..

-Oh don’t worry Wyatt, I totally understand.. I mean I’ve robbed so many houses in my time, I hardly blink anymore..

-So it looks like you and I are not so different after all.. ;)

.............

.....................

............................why. why has the universe chosen me for the greatest suffering the world has ever known. i try and i try but incestuous relationships just keep sprawling like mythical strangler vines. i bet this wouldn’t happen to someone named Russ Bear. fml

[gregoryxzvv293-blog]

Who Else Wants To Be Successful With Psychologists

My Emetophobia cure's story

This story shows that the girl eradicated Emetophobia forever. I was 21 yrs old. I actually packed up virtually all my personal favorite stuff (especially those that one could accommodate in a tiny amount of overstuffed suitcases) even though having my better half and my 3 month old little babe in hands jumped for the jet and traveled 1200 kilometers in addition to my personal neighborhood.

I actually omitted exactly what I acknowledged to get guarantee. My very own belief was that We all might identify this Self which i knew was alive around the inside of me, together with liberty I was aware Needed on the other hand could practically never are able to accomplish. It seemed to become a substantial adventure equally physically and also sentimentally. Right after landing in the specific flamingo island I actually stumbled on the realization the belief that no matter if the temperatures, the looks, and the particular cities had changed, life continually felt the identical.

The situation appears to become complex, yet it can be reasonably simple and easy. It didn't take me a long time to obtain back strait into the extremely well mastered rut, crushed from the frequent anxiety about vomiting which is the fear of vomiting.

Living with Emetophobia

I made current debts:

Wherever I personally arrived at; whichever in the different long-term friendships I came to become in; regardless what rank I had at any of the variety businesses I had, my everlasting transportable phobic living hell had been only 1: Emetophobia.

I dropped excess weight non stop and my parents thought I was "on diets". My hands and fingers showed blotches from bleaching my new kitchen counter-top , and about almost any single area from the bath. Romances were definitely absolutely hard to possess I was fairly tired from my little anti-vomiting customs. Love making had become the truth is a whole lot frustrating: "She or he considered necessary to take his or her germ plagued lips specifically where?" I normally would think to myself. Crazy enough, for the external world, I was deemed entirely healthy. The few persons that basically discovered it were my personal folks as well as my man.

Emetophobics are in fact scared of vomiting or of truly being there when others are sickness and involved with what literally happens once people throws up.Emets fear vomiting or seeing others vomiting and therefore are enthusiastic about what would actually happens during and following a vomit.

Vomit Common questions happen being made by simply a nice health specialist who turned out being also an Emet (congratulations to him for making it thru medicinal instruction). no way lonely, I was far from nutty. Provided that my minuscule hidden-secret enjoyed a label that meant it could possibly also have a procedure? This thought had never even crossed my head. I began trying to obtain into online support groups and discussions about emetophobia and was surprised to discover that only was I alone, but there are many people who had exactly the same phobia as myself. actually got in touch with your guy that published the specific blog and consult with him if perhaps there was clearly the truth is any medication. He just said NO Anxiety disorders help.

The divine lights were definitely taken up in to the sky as well as the heavenly voices turned in the chirping violins that swell up in a horror movie ahead of the key guy gets attacked by monsters. I was told that it could become worse. Worse? How could it get any worse? Would I be eating just fresh bread and bottled water? Perhaps I would stop heading out in public altogether (instead of just when I heard a stomach virus was going around)? My daughter can be home schooled so she would not be exposed on the bad germs?

I remarked that movies with vomiting were harder to view, and also the websites I visited for emetophobia used alternative words to the deed. I am not using those words now because I now feel great about vomiting. If you're reading this article testimony, you are already on the right path to making the very first right choice in the long distinctive line of right choices to follow.

One time when re-reading the specific Internet site for that billionth occasion We saw some online advertisements regarding a anxiety procedure system. It encouraged me to trust that there was clearly a method to become healthy again. But who finds the resolution to their nearly prolonged ailment on the Internet? I later found the answer to that question is someone brave enough to TRY SOMETHING NEW.

Emetophobia support

I was hesitant to acquire it, so I asked my husband to make it happen. If everyone can recognize whether a company is trustworthy and who they say they are it really is my better half. After an hour's surfing my husband called me and said to give them a call for myself. Reading the first page was essentially the most difficult part of the entire process. I was asking myself questions like, "You are not going to cause me to feel vomit at the conclusion in the course to prove I am cured, are you currently?" (naturally the solution was no), and, "Is this hypnosis?" (again the result was no). After some background questions plus some very enjoyable conversation, I made a decision: To buy the recovery program.

Saturday was your day of my appointment came quickly. My husband took my daughter out for the morning, and I awaited these hour phone conversation that will change my life. I was amazed through the schedule of events. In a nutshell everything we did was light and straightforward. Nothing was traumatic and through the end with the session I told myself "Make the proper decision at this time and you're likely to eliminate emetophobia out of your life."

I have never felt in charge of my life and that would have been a whole new world to me. I finally met that strong, self-assured woman I knew I really was. I am relaxed and relieved. I am in which I have always wanted to become. Now that the Emetophobia is gone my thoughts has opened and pointed me in other directions, other places that I made our minds up to work on for growth. This process really affected playing and I am forever grateful for that powerful knowledge I was taught and am applying in my well being on a daily basis.

I am reaching out to all those who're fighting careful analysis change their lives and be released from your bondage of fear. I implore the opposite emetophobics on the market to comprehend: You will overcome emetophobia when you will decide that this is the time to obtain the enable you to need. My heart quickly scans the blogosphere to you as well as the losses you experienced each day while being controlled with a force that seems greater than you. But its not an outside force you simply can't control, its only a consistent pattern of thinking: you can change it out now.

I am not an actress, I am not paid to publish or say anything. I have pointless to sell any program, person or organization to anyone. I am a stay home mother and wife... plus a person who has produced the choice to get healthy, happy and FREE. You deserve the same.