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wisteria-lodge · 4 years

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Character Analysis: Sorting Pirates of the Caribbean

So @sortinghatchats is brilliant. Absolutely my favorite character (and person!) analysis system. Instead of one house, you get two - a PRIMARY (your motivation, why you do things), and a SECONDARY (your toolbox, how you get things done.) Here is a very stripped down refresher, and here is my explanation for why I am saying Lion, Bird, Badger and Snake instead of the names of the Hogwarts houses.

IDEALIST PRIMARY Lion - I do what I feel is right. (MORAL) Bird - I do what I decide is correct. (LOGICAL) LOYALIST PRIMARY Badger - I do what helps my community (PEOPLE MATTER) Snake - I do what helps me/my inner circle (MY PEOPLE MATTER)

IMPROVISATIONAL SECONDARY Lion - Charge! React! Smash the system! Snake - Transform, adapt, find the loophole. BUILT SECONDARY Bird - Plan, make tools, gather information. Badger - Community-build, caretake, call in favors.

Now let’s talk Pirates of the Caribbean! I’m mostly focusing on the first film because it’s the best and my favorite, but I do mention 2 and 3.

***

Jack Sparrow is the classic Snake secondary. He’ll improvise an escape, improvise a weapon, wait for “the opportune moment.” He’s never fought fair in his life and doesn’t feel the tiniest bit bad about it. He’s silver-tongued. When he’s in a tight spot, he’ll tell you exactly what he thinks you want to hear. And if he knows you don’t trust him, he’ll reverse-psychology you on purpose.

It’s hard to see past his theatrical, charming, over-the-top way of doing things, and that’s on purpose. The last time Jack told someone what he actually wanted, he got himself marooned. No wonder he “plays things close to the vest now,” living in his secondary, and making people guess his motives.

At first he appears totally pragmatic, always on the side of the person who can give him the most stuff. But I don’t buy it. Jack Sparrow has a weird code of honor. Maybe not one he’s comfortable with (“you can never predict when an honest man is going to do something incredibly… stupid.”) But it’s there. The way he’s introduced - alone, respectfully saluting hanged pirates – that’s letting us know it’s not just his own freedom he values.

I like that little moment after he rescues Elizabeth when he makes it clear that she doesn’t owe him anything. “I saved your life, you saved mine, we’re square” implies that there’s a right way to do things, and that the wrong way is making people feel obligated. Jack has similar moments with Gibbs. Every time he says “keep to the Code,” he’s reaffirming that no one has to save him. When his crew abandons him, Jack shrugs and says, “They’ve done what’s right by them. Can’t ask for more than that.”

This means that Jack Sparrow has a Lion primary. But he’s a pirate, so his felt morality is less right vs. wrong and more free vs. trapped. Apart from that he’s actually kind of a classic Lion - perfectly happy on his own, so long as he doesn’t have to compromise his morals. In a deleted scene we learn that he turned pirate because he refused to be a slave ship captain, and that’s in character. He only wants the Black Pearl because the Black Pearl is freedom. That’s the message he teaches, as an unconventional mentor. He cuts Elizabeth out of her literal corset, and prods Will out of his figurative one.

(and a magic compass that points to whatever Jack wants most is a gorgeous metaphor for a Lion primary, guided by their feelings and intuition. Their internal compass).

Elizabeth Swann has a pirate’s soul. She ends the story as Pirate King. But when we meet her, she is a high-class lady deeply suspicious of the rules. She’s not on board with the latest fashions, eager to ditch her table manners, and she’s real friendly with Will - even though it makes her father bluster, “The setting is not entirely proper!” Miss Elizabeth Swann is stifled by her situation (her corset is too tight.) She’s got a whole life planned out for her, and it’s a nice life. Port Royal is a nice city and Norrington is a nice guy. But still. The thought that this is where things are going makes her uncomfortable.

Elizabeth wants to be able to act based on her gut responses. And as long as the pirates are also doing this, she’s on board. But she ditches the Pirate Code the moment it contradicts her own internal felt morality.

ELIZABETH: All of you with me. Will is in that cave and we must save him! (…) GIBBS: There’s the Code to consider. ELIZABETH: The Code. You’re pirates. Hang the Code, and hang the rules. They’re more like guidelines anyway.

She’s been using the pirate way of life as a way to justify and explain the way she’s always felt. And when you put things in that order (I like this system because it supports what I already know to be true) that’s a Lion primary. Also, the advice her dad gives her is just so perfect for a Lion: “Even a good decision if made for the wrong reasons can be a wrong decision.” You’re doing the smart thing Elizabeth, not the thing you feel is right. It’ll make you miserable. Stop it.

When it comes to secondaries, Elizabeth definitely has some Bird skills. She collects data (about pirates), and can put a plan into action. But it’s a model. When she’s in trouble, when things are serious, she goes improvisational Snake secondary all the way. Elizabeth lies to Barbossa, tells Norrington what he wants to hear, pretends to be drunk to put Jack off his guard. She improvises weapons, and she plays into “proper lady” stereotypes so people underestimate her. Gibbs actually recognizes this, and calls Elizabeth “daft like Jack.”

Elizabeth and Jack do house-match, which is why they always seem to get each other. Elizabeth can pin Jack down and make him give her a straight answer. She’s the only one who can consistently trick him. And when she kills him – well, he forgives. Easily. It’s never even a thing. If he had been in Elizabeth’s place he would have done exactly the same thing, and he knows it. And he knows she knows it.

(it’s kind of neat how at the end of the first movie, the two of them are trapped by Norrington, then freed by Norrington, and go off to form the core of their respective pirate crews.)

Will Turner is a charging Lion secondary who deals with challenging situations by laying all his cards on the table and throwing his sword at something. This makes him a really good foil for the Snake secondary leads, and I will never get tired of watching Jack make faces, and say variations of “how about this time we don’t just run in screaming, yeah?”

JACK: Do us a favor. I know it’s difficult for you, but please, stay here. And try not to do anything… stupid.”

WILL: Let her go! BARBOSSA: You’ve only got one shot, and we can’t die. JACK: Don’t do anything stupid… WILL: You can’t. I can! JACK: … like that.

JACK: So what’s your plan then? WILL: I row over there, search the ship until I find your bloody key. JACK: And if there are crewmen? WILL: I cut down anyone in my path.

To be fair, Will does start off with a Badger secondary model. Badgers care about things being fair, and Will gets annoyed at Jack for cheating, and annoyed at Elizabeth for stealing the medallion. He’s also really leaning into the hard work aspect of the Badger secondary by practicing sword fighting three hours a day. But this doesn’t seem to be a secondary that’s especially good for him. It makes him tense and uptight, and by the end of the first film he’s completely thrown it off.

I really considered a Snake primary for him, based on how single-mindedly he goes after Elizabeth. Movies 2 and 3 just keep throwing Loyalist conflicts at him. (Will can stay with Elizabeth or save his father, but he can’t do both!) But I think he’s actually a Badger primary.

This boy cares about his communities a lot. He doesn’t think he can be with Elizabeth (even though she clearly likes him) because of “propriety.” He believes society when society tells him she’s out of his league. He covers for a boss who spends most of his time passed-out drunk, probably out of a sense of loyalty, or because he feels that’s what he’s supposed to do. He starts off the film completely dehumanizing pirates, but slowly learns his lesson – a very Badger primary character arc. And then, when Will rescues Jack at the end, it’s not because Jack is his (the way a Snake primary would parse it) but because Jack is a good man who isn’t being treated right.

(also the “part of the ship, part of the crew” refrain that Will’s new crew chants as he takes over for Davy Jones is very… dark Badger magic. You are becoming part of the whole.)

Hector Barbossa is the definition of a Burnt Primary. He can’t want. He can’t allow himself to want. Wanting is off the table. (because he is an undead skeleton.)

However, I do think that when Barbossa is healthy and y’know, not cursed, he’s a Snake primary. His beloved monkey is a little nod to the sorts of Snakey bonds he would like to form, but isn’t able to at the moment. Apart from that, he values self-care, and is a bit of a hedonist. He likes pretty things. He likes putting Elizabeth in pretty dresses. He likes elegantly prepared food, antique furniture, and nice hats. (Things start getting serious in the sword fight after Jack cuts off his feather.) This is why I think his redemption arc is so funny. Once his primary unburns, and he’s able to want things safely, he pretty much becomes a happy-go-lucky good guy overnight. And you know, I completely buy it.

As for secondary, I’m going with Badger. Barbossa community builds (he’s a much better captain than Jack.) He gives morale raising speeches. Leader of a mutiny is pretty classic dark Badger stuff. Marooning Jack, and dropping Bootstrap Bill into the ocean tied to a canon are both very ruthless, very public acts that are all about weaponizing community as a way to dehumanize your enemies and cement your power.

James Norrington starts out very Establishment (like Elizabeth.) But unlike Elizabeth, he seems to enjoy the way he can just see his life all laid out. Work his way up, become Commodore, marry the governor’s daughter. He proposes the second after he gets his promotion, it really is like he’s working from a checklist. It’s a very rigid Bird primary.

And he follows the law: “One good deed is not enough to redeem a lifetime of wickedness.” But more than that, he is comforted by following the law. When Jack tempts him into going after the Black Pearl, Norrington is clearly feeling it – but says there are things he values more than his own gut responses.

JACK: Think about it… the last real pirate threat in the Caribbean, mate. How can you pass that up? NORRINGTON: By remembering that I serve others, Mr. Sparrow, not only myself.

This is such a great illustration of the difference between a Lion and Bird primary. A Bird’s higher power lives outside of them (and as we see here, that can make them really hard to tempt, bribe, or corrupt). But a Lion’s higher power is inside them, always. At the end of the film, Norrington adapts his system into something that looks a lot more Lion primary (this is a universe that likes Lions, and Norrington likes Lions too). But he’s still very, very Bird.

Governor Swann tells him that “perhaps on the rare occasion that the right course demands an act of piracy, piracy itself might be the right course,” and Norrington takes that in, sees the actions of Elizabeth, and says - okay. Maybe hunt all pirates always isn’t the perfect system I thought it was. Jack Sparrow tends to leave the world better than he found it, so it’s best to let him go. This change doesn’t seem upsetting to him, he doesn’t need to justify or explain it. It’s just obvious. Norrington reacts exactly the same when he learns that Elizabeth is not in love with him. He absorbs this new information, tells her that he understands, and walks away. When Lions change their minds, the process is a heck of a lot more emotional.

Then in the next film, the people around him don’t support his new Truth, and force Norrington to continue doing things he has discovered that he finds morally objectionable. And so he resigns his commission, burns, and goes into freefall, grasping at the systems he sees around him, trying to find something to hold onto. He seems like he might be beginning to build a more stable Truth – but dies before he can manage it. The sequels did Norrington dirty.

I actually want to say he’s a Badger secondary. At his most desperate and lost, his instinct is to join Jack’s crew. At his most powerful, he’s quietly calling in all his favors and getting the entire Royal Navy to look for Elizabeth. These are both versions of the same thing – leveraging community and connections to get things done.

tl;dr

Jack Sparrow – Lion primary that sees “freedom” as the ultimate good, with a bit of an amoral, pragmatic Snake primary performance so people don’t find that out / Snake secondary

Elizabeth Swann – Stifled Lion primary living in a situation where she’s not allowed to act on her instincts. Runs after pirates every chance she gets, because the ‘pirate life’ allows her to do just that / Snake secondary, Bird secondary model

Will Turner – Badger primary / Lion secondary, Badger secondary model that Jack gets him to drop.

Hector Barbossa – Burnt Snake primary that un-burns when the curse that doesn’t allow him to want things is lifted / Badger secondary

James Norrington – Rigid by-the-books Bird primary that changes to something that looks a lot more Lion, before it burns in the sequels / Badger secondary

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clarste · 4 years

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Sorry if you've been asked this explicitly before, but what are your thoughts on Penguin Logistics, specifically in comparison to the other organisations/factions in Arknights? I recently started and managed to grab everyone within a few pulls, except Sora (and I guess Mostima, unfortunately.) and I think they're easily my favourites. Would love to hear your thoughts. Cheers.

No one's ever asked me that, but they probably should have since I've gone all-in on Penguin Logistics ever since I pulled Exusiai and Croissant early on. I then proceeded to never pull any of the others, forcing me to buy Texas and Sora in the shop and much later dump all of my accumulated gacha currency getting Mostima. Anyway, my goal in life is to use the entire team and also max them all out. PL4life!

Anyway, my initial impression of them was that they were the cast of a 90s anime like Cowboy Bebop or Bubblegum Crisis (...Tokyo 2040). Like, they're an eclectic band of hyper-competent misfits working for a small company operating at the edge of the law. “Penguin Logistics” itself sounds like a euphemism for being, like, smugglers or something. "We'll get your package where it needs to go, no questions asked." Then Code of Brawl came out and I was totally right except they are also very dumb in a funny way. Like, they accidentally got into a turf war with the mafia, but apparently that's just business as usual.

Anyway I want to talk about each of them individually now so apologies if this starts rambling.

Texas is pretty clearly the main character of Penguin Logistics, and you can tell because she's the hub of their whole relationship wheel on the in-game chart.

She's also kinda Spike from Cowboy Bebop, although less laid-back I guess. She's a former mafia assassin on the run from her past, but her past won't leave her alone. Incidentally, "mafia" in this case refers to the various wolf families from the fantasy Italy equivalent in this setting, although they make some interesting comparisons to wolf packs in the profiles. However, Texas's family is dead, which should make her a "lone wolf" that will supposedly never have another place to belong. Except PL itself is proof that that's wrong.

Theoretically she’s just the team’s driver, but because PL is always getting into ridiculous anime fights she’s also good at that part too, using dozens of little... lightsabers(?) that she throws around willy nilly. It would probably look super-cool to see in action, except this is not that kind of game so we’ll just have to wait for the anime or whatever. It’s noted in her profile that her fighting style shows that she unconsciously sees as the only purpose of a weapon as being to kill, and heck, she’s right.

She's cool-headed, adaptable, and the serious one you can always count on, but she's not above getting into friendly(?) brawls just to take out her frustrations out.

Her name comes from the extinct subspecies of Texas Wolf.

Next up is Exusiai, the angel who loves nothing more than guns, god, rock and roll, and apple pie. In that order. In other words, a stereotypical American. Even though she's from the fantasy-Vatican. Basically she's a cheerful, friendly, laid-back person who never really fit in back home where people are expected to be more serious and orderly. Not enough to be, like, shunned or anything but she's always been a weirdo. All angels have guns though, that’s like standard issue. She wishes she could have more though.

She's also super religious, but interestingly never brings it upon her own. I feel like she probably realizes how uncomfortable it can make people who don't share that religion to suddenly bring up Jesus all the time in casual conversation. Like, she's not ashamed of it or anything, but she won't shove it in your face either. Personally, I find that a pretty cool characterization for a fictional religious person.

Which is also sort of a hint that beneath her goofy exterior she's a thoughtful, deliberate person who doesn’t let anyone in by accident. Texas notes that they're exact opposites in this respect. She also has an extremely interesting relationship with the next person.

Her name comes from the Greek word for the order of angels in Christianity often translated as "Powers."

Mostima... where to start...? I guess first of all she’s a fallen angel, apparently because she pointed her gun at her own kind under MYSTERIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES. Probably related to the whole war in Kazdel thing, where many of the other MYSTERIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES in this game took place. Long story short, stuff happened in the war, she pointed her gun at another angel, Exusiai’s sister is dead under mysterious circumstances, and Mostima gave up her gun and now wanders the world delivering long-distance packages for PL. But that’s mostly an excuse for to be alone as much as humanly possible. She can also use time magic because I dunno why not. MYSTERIOUS.

She’s friendly enough, talkative even, and has a hobby of visiting new places and trying out the local food, etc, but her real defining trait is that she just doesn’t need other people. She’s explicitly aromantic, saying she has no interest in love, but she also has no need for friends or family or apparently coworkers either. Because of the way the world is, she spends most of her time driving through the endless wastelands between cities, with nothing but a truck, some packages, and her thoughts. There’s something... romantic about that (in the other sense of the word), but even she admits that the romance of watching the sun set in a desert with no one else around for hundreds of kilometers gets old after a while.

I feel like I should note that she has a very “best friend of her big sister” relationship with Exusiai, by which I mean she’s known Exusiai since Exusiai was a kid and to her Exusiai will always be that kid. Also Exusiai only joined PL in the first place to hunt her down and get answers about her sister’s death, but Mostima just laughs it off and leaves town for another year or five.

Her name is probably a corruption of Mastema, a rather infamous fallen angel in mythology.

Croissant is... well, to be honest everyone past this point is more of a minor character. Which is actually a weird thing to say since none of these people are actually major characters in Arknights, but I guess these are less important people even within the group?

Croissant’s gimmick is that she’s always trying to make money by selling stuff. I guess she’s a merchant? But not, like, a formal one who runs a shop, she just gets her hands on stuff through her connections and sells it. But in like, a friendly down-to-earth way, it’s even said that she lives paycheck to paycheck. She’s a girl trying to get by with a second job, I guess is what I’m saying.

Team-wise, she’s the muscle of the group, being a minotaur and all. She lifts the heavy packages and also smashes things with her MAGNETIC HAMMER which I don’t know why I find that name so amusing. Gameplay-wise her special move can knock all the enemies around her halfway across the map and I smile every time she does it.

Her profile notes that she’s really just living her best life as a normal-ish person, and that helps make everyone around her feel normal, and that’s important in a setting where half the people around you are dying of magical cancer (no one in PL is Infected though).

Her name comes from the French word for Crescent and also a type of Pastry. Leaning more towards Pastries in my opinion.

Sora is an idol singer. Because, to be perfectly honest, what ragtag band of misfits is complete without an idol singer? She can’t really fight, but I guess Texas must have saved her life at some point or something because she bullied both her agency and PL into letting her work there part time. And also she is obsessed with Texas. I guess saying it like that makes her sound kind of annoying, but she really isn’t, she’s just an earnest girl chasing her dreams.

There’s also this interesting thing where a lot of her basic information is censored by her agency in order to protect her privacy (”do not dox the idol”). Even including her race. She presents as a wolf, but her promoted E2 art has her as a rabbit, which raises some interesting questions that don’t really get answered.

Her name comes from the Japanese word for Sky.

Lappland is not really part of PL, but she’s PL-adjacent enough to be worth mentioning here. Basically she’s an old acquaintance of Texas from back in their mafia days, and she’s obsessed with hunting her down and... fighting her? Killing her? But in, like, a sexual way? She’s kind of a crazy psychopathic killer. Maybe. She can also be very calm and polite when she wants to be, although with a taste for gallows humor. That just makes her scarier because you don’t know when/if she’ll snap.

There are two kind-of explanations for her being like that: A) her family is dead and she has no “pack”. As a wolf, the stress of living without a pack is supposed to be maddening. B) She’s infected with Oripathy (magic cancer) and there are crystals growing in her nervous system. Which... can’t be good. The answer is probably a combination of both.

But the most important thing about Lappland is her base skill and how it interacts with Texas. Basically, in your base there are various jobs you can assign people to and different characters get different bonuses for them. Most people in Penguin Logistics get bonuses for working the Trading Depot, for obvious reasons. Lappland gets a “bonus” where if she’s in the depot at the same time as Texas, she loses morale slower but doesn’t actually get any bonus to productivity. Meanwhile, Texas gets a bonus to productivity when Lappland is around, but loses morale way faster. In other words, Lappland is slacking off and making Texas so uncomfortable that she works twice as hard just to get the job over with so she can leave. This is their relationship as defined by game mechanics.

Texas also has another bonus where she loses morale slower if Exusiai is there, which completely cancels out the penalty she gets from Lappland. In other worlds, Exusiai being there too calms her nerves enough that she doesn’t feel the need to immediately escape.

Oh yeah, I forgot to talk about Emperor, who’s the owner of Penguin Logistics. He’s a world-famous rapper wearing a Tupac shirt and also literally immortal.

#not touhou #arknights #penguin logistics

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aaronsmithtumbler · 5 years

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Completed Chapter 14 Rewrite

I was awake and something was horribly wrong.

I was in a jail cell, but that wasn't what was horribly wrong. That was just a sort of encrustation of legible wrongness on top of a deeper wrongness still unplumbed, like a tiny black spot that reveals a man dying of melanoma. The wrongness was deeper and more spiritual. It surrounded and confounded me.

Hasidic legend describes a time Rabbis Zusya and Elimelech were thrown in jail. There was a disgusting bucket full of waste, and the whole cell stank. Rabbi Elimelech started crying. Rabbi Zusya asked what was wrong. Rabbi Elimelech explained that Jewish law prohibits prayer in a disgusting place, and so he could not follow the commandment to pray every morning. Rabbi Zusya pointed out that he was still following the commandment not to pray in a disgusting place, so overall he was coming out even in number-of-commandments-followed. In fact he was getting to follow a new commandment he had never followed before, and surely this brought him even closer to God. Rabbi Elimelech was delighted, and began singing and dancing in joy. Rabbi Zusya joined in, and soon all the prisoners were singing and dancing. The warden came and asked what was going on, and the inmates weren't totally sure except that the rabbis seemed very happy about the bucket of disgusting waste. The spiteful warden said that fine, then they couldn't have the wastebucket, and took it away.

"There!" Zusya told Elimelech. "Now you can pray!"

There was something terribly wrong, worse than the stench the rabbis dealt with. I didn't feel like it was inappropriate to pray; I felt like prayer <i>wouldn't work</i>, like God was somehow very far away and beyond my reach and neither praying or not-praying would bring me closer to Him. I felt hopeless, not because I was without hope, but because something was actively pumping hopelessness into me.

I was dressed in my normal clothes, but I was wearing a ball gag. A reasonable precaution; otherwise I would have spoken the Vanishing Name and been out of there. I lay on a bare cot. My cell had no bars. It had a door, locked, with a small window in it. I went to the window, looked out, saw a hallway. Turned the knob, not expecting anything, didn't get anything, lay back down.

[Ana, are you there? Where are you?]

There was nothing. Either Ana was far away, or distracted, or asleep, or – I couldn’t make myself think “dead”. I would have felt it if she died. That, I told myself, is definitely how kabbalistic marriages work.

So I knocked on the door to my cell. A few seconds later, the doorknob turned and an armed guard looked me over.

"Mr. Smith-Teller," said one of them. I winced internally. I mean, I suppose if they didn’t know my name now it wouldn’t have taken them too much longer to find it out, but it still hurt. Kabbalists are notoriously fussy about who knows their true name, it's a sort of placebomantic disadvantage, a vague way of letting someone else have power over you. "We're sorry about the gag, but we're sure you understand."

I made some hand motions. I was trying to convey something like "WHY IS EVERYTHING HORRIBLY WRONG?", but I was used to dealing with Ana, where I have telepathy to help me. In this case, I had nothing but context. Luckily, it seemed like context was enough.

"Director Bentham wants to speak to you," he finally said. "His presence...makes people uncomfortable."

Even if you're nowhere near him? Uncomfortable like you're surrounded by an impenetrable field of hopelessness? The moment this gag was off, I was going to have so many questions.

The guard cuffed me and escorted me down the corridor. I didn't know where I was, but it seemed big. Hard to hide. I knew UNSONG arrested people, I knew that they put you in prison for a long time if you used Names without a license, but I’d always heard they used the normal federal prisons. The idea of a secret UNSONG black site somewhere sounded like it was out of Valerie’s paranoid anti-government screeds. If no one had ever revealed the existence of this place before, that meant either that they were very good with the Amnestic Name, or else no one had ever gotten out of here before. I tried to remember exactly how effective the Amnestic Name was and ironically came up blank. And what about the Confounding Name? I couldn’t remember.

The facility wasn’t small, either. We walked through poorly-lit corridor after poorly-lit corridor. I tried to look for other prisoners, references to the location, even doors with signs on them, but all I spotted were a couple of locked rooms with the UNSONG seal on the front. An aleph superimposed on the United Nations globe, and around it, the name “United Nations Subcommittee On Names of God” and the motto “I TEGO ARCANA DEI”. Begone, I hide the secrets of God. There were deep kabbalistic depths in that phrase, but I didn’t have the energy to think about them, because something was horribly wrong.

We came to a room. A conference room, it looked like. The guard motioned me to sit down, then cuffed me to the chair. The sense that something was horribly wrong got stronger. The guard could feel it too. I could tell. The dissonance reached a crescendo, like some sort of reverse symphony.

The door swung open.

How can I describe Asher Bentham?

He was both very beautiful and very ugly. Every detail of his face was perfectly sculpted and the gestalt still looked hideous. His voice had a bizarre effect like a thirty-foot-tall ogre trying to speak reassuringly without realizing that this conflicted with his choice to be a thirty-foot-tall ogre. I am a master of several languages, renowned for my skill with words. The only one I can cough up to accurately describe Asher Bentham is "bad". The most reassuring thought I could muster was that my hands were cuffed to the chair so there was no way for him to offer me a handshake and I wasn't going to have to touch him.

When the President, Secretary-General, and Comet King had come together to found UNSONG, leadership of the fledgling bureaucracy had gone to a elderly Brazilian politician with a hands-off approach. He’d gone after the biggest gangs and most blatant serial abusers of Names, talking about “decapitation strikes” against networks of large-scale pirates. The policy was very popular – everyone agreed that having the Mafia in on the Name business was a bad idea – and very worthless, because most unauthorized Name use was by ordinary non-Mafia people who talked to each other online.

He had died in 2002; Bentham had succeeded him. After the fall of the Presidency, Bentham had somehow manipulated the warring states' committments to abide by UNSONG regulations into a de facto replacement of the executive branch of the Untied States. A thousand conspiracy theories about the United Nations taking over the US had been suddenly vindicated.

Since the sky cracked, we have lived in a world of inhuman powers. The Lady of Los Angeles is a Watcher. The Comet King was the Messiah. The Other King is a necromancer. Various angels and demons have intruded into our history, left their mark, and returned beyond the veil. Now I had learned that the arch-manipulative head of UNSONG was something other than human. I was less surprised by the revelation than dumbfounded at the sheer magnitude of the non-humanity confronting me.

"Mr. Smith-Teller," he said. Fuck people knowing my true name, fuck it so much. Any hope that they were just annoyed at Valerie’s secret meetings was gone. This was the Director-General. The head of UNSONG. If he was involved, they thought this was the most important thing happening in the world at this moment. Which of course it was. They knew all about the Vital Name and everything it could do, and it had gone straight to the top. Okay. So I was really, really doomed.

“I’m sorry you’re in this situation.” He really did sound sorry. I changed my assessment of Bentham from "trying to intimidate me" to "trying as hard as he could not to intimidate me, and it just wasn't enough", and shuddered. “I understand you are associated with Singer groups who have a dim view of UNSONG. You’re probably laboring under the misapprehension that I am here to hurt you. As difficult as this may be to believe, we’re on the same side. I’m going to take your gag out. If you start speaking a Name, I’m afraid we’ll have you unconscious before you finish the second syllable, and the gag will go back in. I’m sure you can imagine the reasons we have these precautions. Nod if you understand.”

I nodded.

His face, I decided, was actually quite beautiful, except for the eyes. The eyes looked like they came from one of those weird nightjar birds whose eyes are in the wrong place and don’t even look real.

"As you can tell," he said, "we're taking this situation very seriously. The Keller-Stern Act of 1988 states that anyone who discovers a Divine Name of potential military value is legally obligated to report it to UNSONG in exchange for fair monetary compensation. Most people aren’t aware of the Act, and we have no interest in punishing them for refusing to follow a law they never heard of. But now you know. So, Mr. Smith-Teller, and please tell me the truth, do you know any Names that might be covered under the law?"

Jewish law permits lying for the greater good. According to the Talmud, even Heaven is not always truthful. Rabbi Gamliel kept his classes small. Later Rabbi Elazar took over the academy and expanded classes; hundreds of new students flooded in. Rabbi Gamliel felt guilty that he had kept out so many bright scholars, but God sent him a vision of beautiful barrels full of ashes, indicating that the new students were no good anyway. The Talmud explains that the new students were actually fine; God was just trying to cheer up Rabbi Gamliel. I had no moral qualms about lying to Asher Bentham. I just wasn't sure it was possible.

“No,” I said. “I don’t know any such Name.”

And it was the honest truth. Because I had forgotten the Name. Because I was a moron. I could have told him more, but he terrified me, and the truth – that I’d known the Vital Name and forgotten it – would be neither believable nor welcome. And part of me was desperately hoping that if I said nothing, he would go away, the wrongness would end, and I would just be in a perfectly normal government black site and everything would be fine.

“Did you speak a Name that allowed you to find the location of the Moon?”

“I did,” I said.

“How did you learn that Name?”

Every fiber of my body tensed at her oppressive closeness. It was a fair question. I had no way out this time. Either tell her what had happened, or lie like a rug and see exactly what those nightjar eyes could do.

I ran through a host of scenarios. I tell the Director-General that I knew the Name and forgot it. He doesn’t believe me and tries to torture it out of me. He doesn’t believe me and tries to torture the Name out of Ana. He does believe me and tries to dissect my brain to get it. He goes to an error correction specialist, fixes the Name, and takes over the world, and I’m still alive to see it.

I am not a hero. I’ve been in one fight, but only because I was drunk, and I ended up with two black eyes. The only thing I’ve ever been good at is studying things and comparing them and trying to understand them.

But the sages of old weren’t typical heroes either, and they were constantly breaking out of prison by one miracle or another. Rabbi Meir convinced a Roman prison guard to free his friend by reassuring him that if anyone tried to punish his disobedience, he could say “God of Meir, help me!” and God would keep him from harm; when his commander tried to hang him for his role in the escape, the guard cried “God of Meir, help me!”, the rope broke, and he managed to run away to safety. When a whole Roman legion arrived to arrest the great translator Onkelos, he preached to them in Latin about the symbolism of the mezuzah, and the whole legion converted to Judaism on the spot. And when the Romans arrested Rabbi Eleazar ben Perata on five charges, God helped him craft a plausible alibi for each; when the plausible alibis didn’t work, the prophet Elijah appeared at the end of the trial, lifted up the prosecutor, and threw him out of the courtroom so hard that he landed five hundred miles away. I think I mentioned that the Talmud is kind of crazy.

So miraculously breaking out of prison is the sort of thing kabbalists are expected to be able to do, and I daydream a lot, and a long time ago I had come up with a fantasy about the sort of thing I would do if I were ever trapped in a prison, and this was by far the stupidest thing I had ever done, but something was terribly wrong and I needed to get out of here.

"I was on drugs and I had a prophetic vision," I said.

Ever since the sky cracked, drugs had gotten really weird. The ones whose names were also Hebrew words were the weirdest. MDA and its cousin MDMA gave mystical knowledge, probably because mem-dalet-ayin was madda, "knowledge", (see 2 Chronicles 1:10). The effects of LSD were more blatantly divine, since lamed-shin-dalet was leshadi, "strength" (see Psalms 32:4), and the pronounced consonants in El Shaddai ("God Almighty") to boot. The ones without three letter names were less predictable, with peyote being a demonic conduit and the rest having variable effects. I decided to go with LSD as the most likely source of divine revelation.

"Drugs always attracted me," I said. I thought for a second, and continued. "So I got some LSD from a friend and tried it out. That was a bad idea, I admit."

I suspected Asher knew I was lying. I was banking on him waiting to see exactly what lie I was going to tell, hoping that I would slip up somewhere in my story. If he would just let me keep going for twenty-seven more sentences, I was in the clear.

"Zelda was the name of the friend who sold it to me," I said, awkwardly, because I couldn't think of any other way to start a sentence with Z. "My hope was we would do it together, but she bailed out at the last second."

That was DST and ZM. Twenty-five consonants to go. I was afraid, which was good, because it let me pretend that my fear was making it hard to talk, whereas in fact I was working out how to start my sentences with the right letter.

"Regular LSD is supposed to just give you a taste of divinity. She gave me something else, I'm not sure. She didn't tell me, but it must be true. No way to know now."

DASAT-ZAM-RUSH-SHAN.

"So I had taken the drug, when I started feeling weird. Very weird. Regular LSD doesn't do that. LSD is supposed to be gentle. Some kind of angelic entity was standing in front of me. Questionably angelic. Not human. Deep-voiced. Like you would expect an angel to be."

Asher Bentham must have thought I was the least fluent, worst storyteller in the country. I couldn't read his face at all. Was he confused? Was he suspicious. No time to think about that. I'd gotten DASAT-ZAM-RUSH-SHAN-SEVER-LAS-KYON-DAL. Next letter was aleph.

"All of the things you hear about angels, the beautiful wings and the golden eyes. They don't prepare you. Not a bit. To see something like that. Right away I knew it had a message for me. You couldn't imagine what it was like."

DASAT-ZAM-RUSH-SHAN-SEVER-LAS-KYON-DAL-ATHEN-TRY. All I needed was KOPHU-LI-MAR-TAG. How was I going to bring a K in?

"Kind of quietly, it spoke to me. Phenomenal voice. 'Listen', it told me. Revealed secret names. To grant me power over the heavens and earth."

Bentham was getting impatient. "What names?" he asked. "The one you used to find the moon?"

I didn't know how to answer, but it didn't matter. He thought I had been telling him a story, but I hadn't been. I'd been forging a notarikon. The same way the kabbalists had expanded AGLA into "atah gibor le'olam A-----". Any notarikon for a divine Name is itself equivalent to that Name. A sentence-by-sentence notarikon was completely valid. There was even one in Proverbs 31:10-31, for the Hebrew alphabet as a whole. But nobody had taken the obvious next step and used it to speak a Name covertly. Well, I was going to do it. I only had one letter left: a gimel.

I realized that God had delivered Asher into my hands. The rest had been my artifice; this part was pure divine inspiration.

"Goodbye, Asher Bentham," I said, and finished the notarikon.

Don’t use the Vanishing Name, I had said during choir practice, unless you are in a situation where it is absolutely vital to your well-being and continued survival that you be accosted by a different band of hooligans than the ones who are currently accosting you. Right now, being accosted by a different band of hooligans was my heart’s fondest and most desperate desire.

As Director-General Asher Bentham strained to make sense of my poorly-narrated story, I disappeared from right in front of his face.

#editing unsong

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dontdietwd · 4 years

Text

Don’t Die, day 60

The way the camp looked now made perfectly clear that long weeks had gone by. After being there for almost exactly two months, the group of twenty had made the clearing, woods and tents home. The RV had the plastic roof constantly up, folding tables and chairs under it with their aluminum feet stuck into the dry earth. Someone had placed wild flowers in plastic cups, trying to make things feel homey; by one side, lines were extended from tree to tree, wet clothes and bed clothing hanging from them; improvised stoves on tripods hung above the constant fires; tents had been rearranged to our comfort, clothes hanging and pairs of shoes left in front of each.

Routine had been settled. Shane and I had separated with clear limits what was each one’s job – Shane still took care of camp safety, organizing lookout shifts and guns, while I took care of pretty much everything else, like food and water supply, organization and maintenance of our gear, both previous possessions and new stuff Glenn would usually bring back with him from his weekly runs to Atlanta – but mainly, I took care of the people around. I had never known before, but I seemed to be good at listening and understanding problems they all would present to me, and with my common sense, was quite capable of finding solutions, or at least helping them find it themselves. I still didn’t feel comfortable at giving others comfort. I wasn’t a huger or spoke softly: I was more the tough love kind of person, who would always be honest and give my opinion, no matter what it was.

I still hadn’t lost the habit of keeping track of time. I knew exactly which day into the apocalypse we were – 59 days – and how far along I was with the accidental, unwanted pregnancy – 10 weeks. Still keeping it a secret, I had been feeling better these days, the nightly sickness reducing day by day to nearly nothing. I did feel hungrier now, but forced myself not to eat more than the others. It wouldn’t be fair. Conscious that I wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret for too long, I planned on how I was going to bring it up to Daryl, my decision to tell him first still firm, but still couldn’t picture a good situation to do that. I could feel my lower belly a bit grown, but it still didn’t show under my clothes.

With nearly two months into the end of the world, great part of the days were spent with hopeful attempts to get news, to get some contact over the radio, hoping Glenn would return from his last run bringing good news. None of it ever happened, though. The static of the radio was always our only response, and Glenn would always answer my hopeful looks with a shake of his head, tight lips, telling me he found nothing. He did bring back things – food, clothes, gas, he’d been able to find the salt, but not as much as we’d hoped, and everything he thought could be useful. All, except for information and rescue.

The day before the next run Glenn would make to Atlanta, he gathered Shane and I so he could talk to us about it. He reminded us what he had informed the last time he returned; he had found an abandoned department store that was still completely untouched, filled with clothes, kitchen apparels, camping, fishing and hunting gear, canned and dry food and maybe even more useful things he couldn’t spare the time to take a look. This week, he planned on going specifically there, to this store, and thought maybe he could use an extra pair of hands.

“Do you have someone in mind?” Shane asked him.

“One of you guys, maybe?” Glenn told him looking back and forth between us, a little unsure.

“Nah, I ain’t going,” Shane crossed his arms above puffed chest, a definite tone on his voice. “Not leaving camp alone, all the people and stuff. I ain’t going.”

“I’ll go,” I said with the same tone. Shane looked sharply at me. “I think we all gotta know how to deal with a run, ya know? Actually, Glenn, I’ve been thinking… You’re pretty good at it, I think you’ve killed more walkers than any of us at this point. Maybe you could take more of us with you.”

“Oh, Sam, I don’t know…”

“Look, I know you said you’d rather go alone,” I interrupted him. Shane still had his arms crossed, just listening. “And I know you handle yourself well, but we all have to be able to do it. To go on runs, to get things back to camp, and most importantly, to defend ourselves and the others. We’re not developing any of those abilities by staying in camp mainly sitting around all day.”

“She’s got a point there, man,” Shane opined. “It’s better if more than just one person’s able to do it, we could have more than a group going on runs at a time, keeping things in motion.”

“What do you think?” I asked Glenn, a bit surprised Shane was agreeing with me so readily. “You up for taking a group with you this time?”

“Alright…” he agreed reluctantly and then added a little bit more certain: “But you gotta make it clear to anyone who goes that I’ll be in charge. They’ll have to listen to me, if I say we move on, we move on. If I say we retreat, we retreat.”

“You got it,” I nodded sharply. “I’ll be there anyway, if anyone gives you a hard time.”

“Good.” Shane uncrossed his arms. “I’ll go ask people who wants to go. How many do you think?” he asked to both Glenn and I.

“Uh, I – Five. Yeah, about five. No, I don’t know. Less than ten.”

“Glenn,” I reached for his shoulder, “you’ll be this run’s leader. Make a decision and stay firm in it.”

“Sorry, yeah, uh… Six or seven. Yeah, seven, at most.”

“Seven it is,” Shane mumbled before turning around and leaving.

As Shane walked around camp talking to each adult personally, I went back to the tents to gather a few of my stuff in a backpack to get ready to go the next morning. I was met by Daryl, returning from the most secluded area of the woods, where they had dig holes in the most sanitary way possible, and told him about the recent decision.

“You sure ya gonna go?” he asked me carefully.

“Yeah, I’m sure. Why?”

“’Cause you was sick ‘til two days ago.”

“I’m fine now, Daryl.”

“Still think ya shouldn’t go.”

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry.”

He stopped talking for a moment to watch me dive into my tent and return after a few seconds with an empty backpack in hand.

“Then I’m going too.”

“Didn’t you say you were going hunting?”

“It can wait.”

“It can’t, Daryl, you know it can’t. We need food, real meat, not the canned crap we may find out there, and until you come back the dried meat will be over,” I saw Daryl start to speak in answer, but cut him out. “You know Merle can’t go hunting alone. He’s not fine, he’s withdrawing, and he’ll want to do something. He’ll want to go hunting or to go to this run, either way he shouldn’t be alone. One of us should be with Merle; the others can’t deal with him.”

“So we gotta baby sit on a fuckin’ grown ass man now?” Daryl asked bitterly, and I’m sure he knew the answer to that question was yes. “I don’t like it, Sam. Don’t want you going out there where I can’t help ya.”

Oh, how adorable. Weird to be calling someone like Daryl adorable, but it was the perfect word now.

“I know that,” my voice softened a bit. “It’s how I feel when you guys go out there hunting. I don’t go with you when we all should stay together, from the beginning, like we agreed,” he nodded and I continued. “But things ain’t like that, we can’t have each other’s backs all the time. I’ll go on this run and Merle will let us know pretty soon where he’ll want to be; hunting or Atlanta, and we’ll go with it.”

“How long do ya think it’ll take?”

“A day, probably, we’ll be back at night or in the morning, at most.”

Before he could say anything, Merle’s thundering, laughing voice broke into the tents’ space. “Hey, Sam! I’m coming with ya! Not gonna let those fucker’s get to ya, sweetheart! Got ya back!” and he turned around to leave once again, still shouting. “Atlanta, here I come!”

Sighing, I looked back at Daryl, his face showing just how annoyed and worried he was, biting his lower lip like he did. I reached out to touch his arm. “We’ll be alright, don’t worry.”

He shook his head and took a step back, opening space between us, my hand dropping from his arm. “Can’t help it,” he said and turned to walk away.

* * *

I had only been able to enjoy the other’s company around the fire at night twice before. It had become a habit; some of them would take their spots on the lookout while the rest gathered around a low fire. Strong enough to warm the chill night but low enough not to be seen from a distance. There, we sat for about a couple of hours to eat and talk until sleep took over and quieted the camp until the next morning. Having been sick every night until a few days before, I had never been really able to enjoy it, and was glad now I could. We had had chicken soup – it had been thinned with salted water to serve more people, but it still had tasted good enough – and were now quietly talking, tin mugs being passed from hand to hand. I was mostly watching and listening to the others talk, observing how the others interacted.

I could see Andrea and Amy had become quite close to Dale, who seemed to be some kind of father figure to them, though I honestly didn’t think Dale thought of Andrea paternally. Shane was always close to Lori and Carl, I had noticed it from the first day, and it had been intensifying these days. Jim and Jackie were good friends too, closer to the Morales then to any other. Glenn got along with everyone, except for the Dixons, who didn’t get along with anyone other than me. The Peletiers were always away, in their own little circle, Ed probably imposing that Carol and Sofia stayed with him, unable to get close to anybody else. I hated it, but I knew I could never force Carol to stand up for her husband, take her daughter and go sit with the others. She had to want to do it on her own.

Merle was on his watch duty, which he always accomplished by complaining a lot, but did his job. Daryl was around, sitting on a log a bit outside the circle, close to me and only listening, as usual. By my side, Amy took a sip of a drink on her tin mug and then offered it to me, the blonde, young woman nodding wordlessly in my direction. Warm tea would do great right then. I took it with a smile as a thank you and kept listening to Dale tell the circle about his late wife and the time he gave her a kitten for her birthday, to only then find out she was allergic to cats.

Smiling as I thought of how I had never had any kind of pet in my life, I brought the mug to my lips to take a sip. The smell of wine hit me as strongly as a punch to the nose, and the liquid touched my lips, the nectarous burn of the cheap sweet wine making my mouth water, my taste buds coming hungrily to life, starving, ordering my brain to demand more, a full gulp, the whole mug, the entire bottle, deciding I should just drain it, drink it all, fall around drunkenly forgetting all the worries, all the walkers, the pregnancy, the responsibilities, the ghosts from the past.

Instead, as soon as the wine touched my tongue, I spit it out. I spit it strongly, loud noise coming out as the red liquid sprayed towards the center of the circle. All heads turned to me, startled. Behind me, Daryl nearly got up but refrained, remained sitting but attentive.

“What the fuck!!” I yelled, a hand rubbing my lips to clean them, my heart pounding painfully. “That’s fuckin’ wine!!”

“Sam?” Shane was the one to ask as he stood up just as I did. I’m sure my body language was foreign to all of the group. “What’s the matter?”

Instead of giving him any attention because this had nothing to do with him, I looked down at Amy, who had the same startled expression the others did.

“Did you just give me a mug of wine without telling me what it was?!” I yelled and threw the white painted tin mug to the ground, making Amy flinch, eyes wide in shock. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

Amy stuttered, trying to answer, but her older sister was already by me. “Hey, back off! What’s the problem?”

“The problem!” I carried on yelling. Daryl was also up, as most of the circle was now, and approached me slowly, I could see from the corner of my eye, and I’m sure he was fully aware of mine and everyone else’s movements. “The fuckin’ problem is that you don’t just give fuckin’ alcohol to people without warning them what the fuck it is! I thought it was tea!”

“So what?!” Andrea still countered, now standing in front of her young sister, facing me.

“What the fuck is the problem, Sam?” I also heard Shane ask me and saw him approach with puffed chest, just as I saw Daryl get closer, now by my side rather than behind me.

“The fuckin’ problem is that this was the first time in three fucking years,” I paused and moved on, “three years, four months and seventeen fuckin’ days, that I’ve had any real contact with any drink! That’s what’s the fuckin’ matter with it!”

Nobody spoke. I saw the awkwardness fall over them all replacing the astonishment like rain, people exchanging uncomfortable looks. Andrea turned back to look at Amy, who looked down. The only noise was the fire crackling softly and I ragged breaths and sniffs. My mind was in a complete turmoil.

It didn’t take more than five seconds for Daryl to reach out and hold my arm just above myr elbow and, with a gentle tug, pull me away with him. I moved with him unthinkingly, allowing Daryl to guide me out of the circle towards the tents. We had moved halfway there with him still gently holding my arm when I stopped walking. He stood there, watching me. I had my unfocussed, lost into the woods, a single tear path on my face. I turned around then, Daryl let me go, and took a few steps back towards the circle, but didn’t return there. I stopped only close enough to be heard.

“There was no way you could’ve known,” I started and lifted my lowered hear to look at Amy. “I’m sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

With that, without waiting for any answer or gesture, I turned around again and walked over to where Daryl was waiting for me, and together we moved out of everyone’s sight, silence falling over the camp.

I sat down heavily in a log close to the tents, both my legs shaking nearly out of control, elbows resting on them making my whole body tremble. I breathed hard, licked my lips, dried the sweat from my face.

“Fuck!” I let out suddenly, head falling between my knees. “Fuck, why did it have to…” and I didn’t finish the sentence, though Daryl surely understood.

“You didn’t want nobody to know,” he affirmed.

“No,” it came out muffled by my hands that covered my face. “Nobody had to know. Ain’t nobody’s business. But I bet you knew.”

“Wasn’t sure,” and we were silent again for a moment and Daryl took the time to sit by my side, on the other end of the log. “Was just alcohol?”

I took a deep breath, hands releasing my face, and popped my neck. “Was mostly alcohol, whatever I could get my hands on. Cheap wine was the main choice… Just like the one I tasted just now. But… Drugs too, on occasion.”

Daryl nodded slowly, saying nothing else, and started biting on his lower lip. He understood my problem well, I was sure. He had Merle, his admittedly addict to every drug that was illicit and licit brother, and his own father who had been heavily alcoholic until his liver exploded, not to mention tens of friends and acquaintances. I was just one more of them.

“I had enough examples at home not to get into it too deep,” I heard him sharing in a very quiet voice. I turned my head look at him sideways, interested, glad to have a distraction, so he moved on. “Father died of cirrhosis, he drank so much… And Merle, you know Merle.”

“Yeah…” I answered in a whisper that was for his ears only. “Good… Good that you didn’t…”

“Almost did, though… For a while… But then I started seeing a lot of old Will on me so I backed out,” he confessed and snorted a laugh. “Merle called me all kindsa things.”

I smiled, “yeah, he would.” We shared one more long moment of silence before I spoke again. “My dad was a nice guy. Never saw him drink a drop of alcohol. Died of cancer.”

“Life ain’t fair,” Daryl told me as if he knew where my thoughts were going.

I nodded, looking down with a sad smile, my legs no longer trembling so much. “Spot on.”

“Well, at least in the apocalypse ain’t gonna be too easy to come across temptations…”

I smiled again and looked once more at Daryl. He looked shy, lips pressed together, self-conscious about his attempt to cheer me up a bit. The sight made me smile more. Ike I said, adorable.

“Yeah, I don’t think people will offer me mugs on unknown drinks too often.”

“You know what them parents say: never accept a drink from strangers., Daryl mumbled lowly, his voice grave but amused.

I laughed aloud now, a strange feeling on my chest that had nothing to do with the abstinence syndrome that had threatened to overtake me. My heart swelled knowing that Daryl was trying to cheer me up and comfort me, and I just couldn’t help but allow a large smile to lighten up my face.

“I think it was candy!” I laughed. “Don’t take candies from strangers.”

“Yeah, well, ya had a nice guy for a dad. Mine said that about drinks.”

I knew how sad this thought was, deep down, but still smiled. He did too, for a moment, and I could actually see teeth, something I wasn’t used to see too often, but he hid the larger smile again, looking down embarrassedly.

Silence fell again, but not at all uncomfortable. I still wanted to smile, but I still tasted the wine on my tongue, my mind confused about how I felt at the moment. I wanted to thank Daryl for talking to me, distracting me, and I wanted to ask more about his life, but was afraid to scare him away. I desired to go back to the fire and take the rest of the bottle wine and drain it down, and I wanted to scotch over closer to Daryl and just be there.

I did none of those things, though, instead I looked back over my shoulders, just like Daryl, at the sound of feet crunching dry leaves, and saw Merle approach, his imposing presence worsened by a thousand by the presence of a full bottle of moonshine loosely held on his left hand.

“Hey there, Boozer!” Merle thundered as he stepped over the log between Daryl and I and stood in front of us. “How come ya didn’t tell me, we coulda shared some vitamin water!”

“Oh, fuck off, Merle…” I said resting my elbows on my knees and hiding my face in my hands again.

“Oh, come on, Alkie! I know ya want it!” he sing-songed shaking the moonshine bottle.

“Yes!”, I yelled shooting up from the log. “Ya know I want it, so why are ya doing this?!”

“The fuck ya doin’ Merle?” Daryl was up too.

“It’s the end of the fuckin’ world!” he laughed and opened the bottle lid. “Bit won’t hurtcha!”

“But it will!” I yelled and took a step back from him and his bottle. “Ya know it will, ya know what’ll do to me if I take a sip!”

“I know. Ya gonna fuckin’ relax, is what’s gonna happen!”, and with that he took a long gulp out of the bottle, a deep, unpleasant ‘ah!” sound following it.

“Ain’t ya trying to quit it?” Daryl asked him as I turned my back to Merle, arms crossed. All the good feelings I’d been feeling simply vanished by then, my chest painful.

“Quitting on crystal and coke. Ain’t never said I’d stop the booze,” and another gulp followed it.

“Just leave me alone, Merle,” I told him quietly.

“Why? Yeah, I know why!” he drawled walking over to me. “Is cause ya know ya want it more than any fuckin’ thing right now. Ya want it more than ya want to breathe!”

“Merle!” I heard Daryl say in a firm, angry voice. He stood between his brother my back right before Merle reached me. “Back the fuck away from her.”

Before Merle could say anything else – which, by the look I saw on the older Dixon’s face when I turned, would be a pissed-off remark, the beginning of a fight between the brothers, which would make the situation even worse – I interrupted them both.

“I want you away from me, Merle,” I started and the dry tone of my voice made even Daryl turn and stare. “I thought you had become my friend those months, but I was fucking wrong. You are the worst person someone could have their life. I’ve met horrible people in my life, Merle, and you have just proved to be one of them. This thing you did now? It’s despicable. Ain’t something you do to your enemy. This thing here, that we had - this friendship, it’s over. Ya ruined it. Get the fuck away from me, Dixon.”

I didn’t wait to see or listen to any reaction. I rounded him and walked away a few steps, but didn’t leave the tent area since it was dark and unsafe to go wandering too far. Silence followed me where I stood, arms crossed, unseeing eyes staring into the darkened woods, trembling returned to my legs. After a moment I heard the leaves being crunched under careful, gentle feet. This information alone told me it was not Merle. Daryl entered my eyesight and stood there with me, silent.

“I didn’t think ya should go on that run tomorrow,” he started with a whisper after a while. “Now I’m sure ya shouldn’t go.”

“I’m fine, Daryl…”

“I know ya fine. Ya gonna be alright. I mean ‘bout Merle.”

“What about him?”

“He’s goin’. You said ya’d be the only one to look after him. Ya can’t now.”

“I’m still going. Glenn gonna need me there. I gotta be –”

I stopped talking when we heard steps again, both of us turning to look in silence. Among the tents, in the darkness, we saw as Lori tiptoed from her own tent towards the neighbor one – where Shane lived. Lori stopped there, looked around, her eyes sweeping over the spot where Daryl and I stood, not seeing us. Silently, the tent’s zipper was opened from the inside and we could faintly see Shane’s head come out of it, look around quickly as well, before his hand reached out to take Lori’s, pulling her with him inside. We heard the zipper being closed once more, and then he silence returned to the sleeping area.

“Yeah, they all’ll need ya,” Daryl broke the silence once again, completely ignoring what we’d seen, turning to look at me. He whispered impatiently, but softness still coated his voice. “But what ya gonna do when Merle starts actin’ out? Ya know he gonna.”

“I know that,” exhaustion took over my tone. “But that’s exactly why I wanted to go, and I still go, ‘cause of that. Fight or no fight, him being a fuckin’ asshole to me or not, nobody there will be able to talk him out of it.”

“And you will?”

“I don’t know, Daryl, I’ll just,” I shook my head, closing my eyes. “I don’t know… I can’t…”

“You ok?”

“No, I need to lie down. I’m going to bed.”

I turned to go and Daryl followed me automatically until we stopped in front of my small, bright orange tent. Arms crossed, I looked down.

“Thank you, Daryl…”

“For what?”

“Staying with me and talking and… Distracting me of the... You know.”

“’S nothin’.”

“It ain’t nothing and you know it,” I whispered decisively and looked at him. “And, I mean, mostly for trying to protect me from Merle.”

He smiled that shy, tight lipped smile Daryl had. “Ya hardly need protection, especially from Merle.”

I returned his smile. “I know. But ya did it anyway and…” I shrugged, looking down again. “Is nice,” I told him in a gentle whisper. He didn’t answer and, looking at him again, I knew he was embarrassed wordless. I smiled at the notion, again, and moved to the tent. “Goodnight, Daryl.”

I entered then and, just as I zipped the tent closed, I thought she heard him say “Goodnight, Sam,” but it was so quietly I wasn’t sure. As I lay down on my folding bed, my trembling legs and painfully pounding heart had given way to fluttering butterflies in my stomach.

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maevelin · 6 years

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Episode 1x05

1. Five has lived such a hard life. Truly. And in the end all that it mattered to him was to get back to save his family. He is such a cynic but he genuinely cares!

And he literally is a master assassin! That alone makes him one of my faves!

Seriously though....An adult that is a master assassin trapped in a child’s body. Dude that’s rough LOL...Although imagine the options!

Although he does get a second chance and I feel that despite everything he may be the most emotionally balanced and driven person from their group. Which does not say much because they are all messed up big time so even in comparison we are still talking about a mess but yeah.

Let us face it. He is the only one that actually seems to pay attention to his siblings. Klaus most of all. He actually bothers to ask and care for his well being too. Sure he is also interested in the time travel part but he actively cares for his family despite how smug he can be and how big his ego is. He is also jaded from time too but still has a heart. He is wise too.

And at least Five can see the bigger picture here. This is why I think has a plan otherwise he wouldn’t follow the handler that easily.

Although his only perspective is not the way to go. He needs more than what he can do alone. He needs his family. Not just to save them. But to let them save him too. Together to save the world.

Which reminds me.

“That’s murder.

...Jesus Luther, grow up”

Should I point out that Luther’s spiel about a code makes no sense when he does not have any? Not truly. Sure he has some morals here and there but are they his? His code was only the indoctrination he received form daddy dearest. At least everyone else took some distance and tried to form their own personalities. He remained the dutiful son. I wonder how is that working out of him lol

And he is so desperate to take upon the mantle of the leader...like dude chill. And if we go by age at this point you could try see past appearance if you are leader material and acknowledge that Five is actually much older than you and take that under consideration instead of dismissing him mentally because you only see your kid brother.

At this point I feel that the only genuine emotions he has separate from his father are the incestuous feelings he has for his sister which is twisted on its own even more than the rest. I mean...

2. The end of everything?...Not everything...the end of something.

I admit that’s interesting. Also I always find it amusing. For every dystopian futuristic apocalypse humans act as if everything in earth is their survival and theirs alone when in reality either way Earth goes on and maybe even in better conditions without the human race in it. We are never humble when we imagine such a future are we?

3. Klaus....KLAUS.

Sure...let me start a new show I say...let me enjoy a new series I say... let me let it break my heart, rip it out of my chest and stomp all over it!

The scene comes with Klaus in the bus and I am in pieces. I can’t! And then the pain keeps on coming!

I can’t believe that all his siblings ever saw him as a joke when he is obviously hurting as much as they do if not more. And now...now it is all coming to a head and they still do not see it. Klaus barely moves and he talks slowly and is silent and looks as if he has quit life and they still don’t see it Unless he breaks down in front of them in all the dramatic crying and spell it out for them they don’t realize it.

Five saw it . Diego had time to see it but even that had to be stretched thin for him to actually see his brother suffering.

How can Klaus’ pain be so invisible to his family? How is that even possible?

And the show keeps breaking him more and more and I...

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS SHOW THAT THEY HAVE TO KEEP HURTING KLAUS SO MUCH AND LIKE THAT? WHY???? HE DOES NOT DESERVE THAT! LEAVE HIM ALONE! STOP!

My boy is so depressed. In pieces. Suffering from PTSD of all sorts.

And...Dave. HOLY SHIT! That picture. The sounds of the bombs...The war...Klaus is a Veteran...he served in the war...and is now suffering loss and post traumatic effects. SHIT!

OMFG! I CAN’T DO THIS! IT HURTS SO MUCH!

I would like to add that I would also pretty much appreciate it if when Klaus says someone tortured him ...for others to actually oh I don’t know...MAYBE ACKNOWLEDGE IT?

- Kudos to the actor for his acting! Either it is his dramatic acting or his comedic timing. He owns it!

3.5. Klaus’ and Diego’s scenes WERE PRICELESS!

And that ice cream truck scene..go faster!....WEEHEEEEE!

I Couldn’t stop laughing LMAO

4. I am getting more and more attached with Diego. His stutter and his anger. I liked the potential her had with Eudora and I got sad in the last episode when she died but as I watch the episode now I feel that as a plot it is the kind of one that serves for a male character’s pain and was a bit unnecessary. I don’t like the disposable woman trope for the sake of male development and here it feels so not needed because I am relating with Diego for reasons that don’t have anything to do with Eudora’s loss. His speech issues, his anger, the way he viewed his mom, his scenes with Luther and Klaus. All these things make him interesting and show layers in him. Sure I get his pain with Eudora now but they could have gone without that and I could have kept the ship you know!

Anyhow I start to relate to Diego a lot. And the fact that he actually bothered to ask Klaus if he was okay and then followed him and helped him surely helped me liking him even more. And they connected over their loss which is probably very rare for them to do so if it has even happened before (although we still get in the way the tragic bury your gays trope and the fridging of female characters)...but all in all when Klaus opened up to Diego and Diego was there...it broke my heart but also mended it a little bit too.

BROWNIE POINTS FOR THEIR BRAWL! GO GO GO!

I think what in the end wins me over with Diego is that he gives the most sibling vibe out of every other sibling in the sense that when you pair him with any of the brothers and the sisters you immediately get the sibling vibe either it is the funny kind or the annoying kind or the strained kind. The caring is there, the annoying each other is there, the I am the one to mess with my family but no one else is allowed is there, I will kick their asses but I will always have their backs is there, the I can’t stand them is there etc. He fights with Luther and they ignite each other and you still see the brothers. Same with Klaus now. I got glimpses with Five. Even with Vanya even when he called her a liability while still being angry with her. With Allison too to an extent. That kind of dynamics with him work perfectly.

I have seen him so far with his family and I just feel like how is how brothers act with each other or how a brother acts with their sisters and so on and with Diego is effortless.

5. The thing with Vanya will not end well. It can’t be a coincidence that she is getting her powers only days before the apocalypse.

So if she was taking the pills from her childhood it means that her abusive dad got her hooked on them and once she cuts them she gets energetic and happy and has a sharper edge to the way she perceives the world. And as always in such shows powers are related to emotions. Now that she is off the meds she gets her make up, she gets more confident in her responses, she is succeeding. And with the creepy guy giving her calculated nudges she opens up more and more. So the drugs kept her subdued? Why? There was a ripple when she was playing the violin. So she has powers too powers that were hibernating because of the drugs.

And the end scene with the ripple going all through town...in the creep’s attic next to the violinist he killed was the book Klaus’ threw away in the pilot right? The one Pogo was looking? Their dad’s book. So it has something to do with Vanya and her powers that are now awakening.

How did her father screw up with her too? At this point it is more or less finding the ways their dad didn’t mess them up instead of the other way around.

6. Pogo and Grace. Something is definitely up and of course it all ties together with the end of the world right?

And Diego had to be right. Mom is feeling things for sure.

7. Luther’s attitude tires me a lot even though I get where he is coming from. He is just so...righteous? In a weird way. And has the kind of alpha male traits I find off putting.

8. I am finding Allison boring for the most part of it. The moment she is not in a scene I seem to forget she exists if I am being honest here so I can only hope that her arc is leading into something big.

9. Hazel and that waitress are kind of cute.

P.s:

- That bar fight! LOL...Klaus HEAD BUTTING ASSHOLES and jumping on backs to get into the brawl!

“I would like to apologize that you are depriving some village OF THEIR IDIOT!”

YEAH BABY! And the difference between him staying out of fights and throwing fire extinguishers in the first episode and now going all in. My baby has grown!

- Loved the Easter eggs we got with the people/historical figures Five actually killed.

#the umberella academy #Klaus Hargreeves #Five #Five Hargreeves #Diego Hargreeves #Vanya Hargreeves #Ben Hargreeves #Luther Hargreeves #Allison Hargreeves #tua #fel watches tua #spoilers #1x05 #hazel #cha cha

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stillthewordgirl · 5 years

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LOT/CC fic: Same Time Next Year

Leonard is a demon. Sara is an angel. Still, they've learned to work together over all the millennia--and to appreciate each other. But when Leonard wants to change their...arrangement, will Sara manage to face her feelings enough to figure out what she really wants?

***

Inspired by my recent reread of “Good Omens,” though I haven’t managed to see the show yet. A warning that it is fairly long for Tumblr, coming in at more than 7,000 words.

Many thanks to Pir8grl! Can also be read here at AO3 or here at FF.net.

***

Most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people.

“Good Omens,” by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett

***

It was a lovely day, really. The sort of day that generally put people in a wonderful mood as they walked in the sunshine and gloried in one of the first truly beautiful days of the spring.

As such, Leonard thought as he sauntered toward the meeting point, it was probably the sort of day he should dislike intensely. He couldn’t quite muster the feeling, though. He liked Central City enough that he rarely voluntarily left it these days, and he wasn’t horribly fond of cold weather (ironic as that was, really). He was as pleased with the day as everyone else.

Maybe that had something to do with his plans for it, though.

And he certainly shouldn’t be thinking that.

Leonard was, not to put too fine a point on it, a demon. Fallen child of heaven. Devotee (as much as he was devoted to anything) of Lucifer himself. He’d been on Earth a long, long time, tasked with keeping a weather eye on humanity and his opposite number. Which was what he was doing today.

Really.

Well. Sort of.

Despite the weather, he was all in black. It was sort of his thing. Skinny black jeans, black turtleneck, black leather jacket. Icy blue eyes—well, he was an ice demon—were hidden, at the moment, behind dark glasses. Very short salt-and-pepper hair (which showed an annoying tendency to curl manically if he let it grow any longer, despite all his demonic efforts) gave him a look of experience (or so he liked to think). And the line of 5 o’clock shadow on his jawline was classic “bad boy,” at least by current standards.

Certainly plenty of people, men and women alike, were watching the saunter that fine spring day. (And the ass, especially in those tight jeans.) Well, temptation was part of the job. Perhaps to their sorrow, however, passive temptation was all they’d be getting today. Leonard’s mind was elsewhere.

To be specific, it was on the being sitting on the rim of the fountain in the park just up ahead. Her attention was, to all appearances, wholly on the other people walking by around her, and Leonard let his steps pick up, just a little. As long as she wasn’t looking. It wouldn’t do to look too eager.

He wasn’t that far away, though, when she glanced up. Leonard immediately went back to the saunter. Nothing to see here. He wasn’t that glad to see her.

Something in Sara Lance’s face, as she got to her feet, told him that she saw right through that.

But because she was glad to see him too, neither of them would dare say anything.

Sara—properly, Sarai of the Holy Lance—was an angel. Leonard’s opposite number, here on Earth, to be honest (which, as a demon, he probably shouldn’t be). And she was beautiful, all that the modern image of angels tended to be—blond with bright blue eyes and the, well, face of an angel. Innocent and sweet and naïve.

One of the things Leonard lov…liked about her, though, was that that image was absolute garbage. Even That Book (as demons tended to refer to the Bible) noted that angels appearing to humans often had to say, “Fear not!” Angels could be scary.

Sara was no exception. And Leonard, frankly and completely counterintuitively, found it utterly and deliciously intoxicating.

She was badass. Leonard, lurking as only a demon could lurk, had seen her as a shining warrior of the light more than once, including as she took on a group of neo-Nazis in 2017. (Leonard hated neo-Nazis and Nazis alike. They were, he thought, a measure of how much evil humans could come up with completely on their own.)

(And some things, even a demon couldn’t countenance—at least, this demon. He’d never truly claimed to be a very good one, after all, even if that was a contradiction in terms.)

Sara had left a trail of bodies behind her that day, more (Leonard thought) than he’d ever personally accounted for. (He was rather fonder of breaking the eighth commandment, himself.) And when she’d stopped and turned toward him, as if sensing his presence, the beatific smile on her blood-splattered face had made something deep in his chest do a weird little flip-flop.

If he hadn’t known better, he’d say it was his heart.

He was a demon. He wasn’t supposed to have a heart.

Today, Sara was wearing her usual white leather jacket, he saw as he sauntered closer, trying (and failing) to look cool. Over a blue T-shirt, and blue jeans just as tight as his were. Not that he was looking at her ass, or anything.

Leonard noticed the pin, a tiny heart with stripes in pink, blue, and purple, on her collar, and smirked a little, tapping his own lapel. An equally tiny circle, with stripes in pink and yellow and blue, appeared.

(A wise man—two wise men, really—had once written that “For those of angel stock or demon breed, size, and shape, and composition, are simply options.” Leonard knew perfectly well that he and Sara both enjoyed exploring all those options. In more ways than one. Neither of their sides really cared who did what, consensually, with whom, contrary to common belief.)

He saw her lips twitch as she noticed, but she didn’t comment. Instead, she just folded her arms, lifting an eyebrow at him.

“You’re late,” she informed him.

Leonard smirked at her, sitting down smoothly on the fountain’s edge and then sprawling comfortably like a cat. She always said he was incapable of sitting in any way that approximated “normal” human behavior. “Oh, you know,” he drawled, watching her intently. “Places to go. People to tempt. Trouble to cause.” A pause. “You look...well.”

Sara didn’t react to the abrupt change in tone. She sat back down on the fountain too, curling her legs under her. “So do you,” she said after a moment, quietly. “I didn’t see you much this past year. Been busy?”

“Eh.” Leonard hesitated. The tone was already different from most of their meetings. Where was the playful flirtation, the banter, the back-and-forth he was used to?

He pushed back his sunglasses, wanting to see her better. Was there a shadow there, in her eyes? He was surprised by the surge of anger he felt at the idea something or someone had caused that.

He was her opposite, damn it, and he was the one supposed to be the one giving her hell, in whatever respect. No one else better try it. Or...or...

Oh, hell. Literally.

He’d take on any being, diabolical, angel, or human, who hurt her.

“You know,” he repeated, a little more subdued as he tried to figure out how to deal with this realization. “I honestly don’t need to do much. People seem to do it all on their own, these days. And worse than I could manage.”

It was true, although Leonard wasn’t precisely a conventional sort of demon. There were things he wouldn’t do—although he really didn’t want the Powers That Be knowing that.

“I know.” Sara watched the water of the fountain play a bit, shifting closer. “That’s...I guess that’s kind of the problem, isn’t it?” She glanced over at him as he sat up, watching her. “They do it all on their own,” she said, lowering her voice. “And so many times, they talk themselves into thinking they’re doing good. And really believing it.”

He did know what she meant. Far too well.

And sometimes it hurt, even to him.

Leonard and Sara, they’d come to their agreement long ago. Earth was a fascinating place, and (for the most part) they really rather liked it and all its opportunities. (And its food. And its entertainment. And its booze.) So, they played their scripted chess match, never a temptation without an instance of grace, and let humanity handle its own highs and lows.

And once a year, they met to check in. That had started, years ago, as just a way to get enough dirt on “the other side” to appease their respective sides. It’d grown into the need to talk to someone else who understood, who just got the highs and the lows. The intriguing and confusing and sometimes heartbreaking nature of these humans they lived among.

Sara, as she’d come to know Leonard better, discovered that he was less inclined to actually harm than merely tempt, and rarely in a way that was truly evil. And Leonard had discovered that Sara, angelic or not, had an ironically wicked sense of humor and fewer illusions than most about her “side” of the coin.

One might say they’d even become friends, over the years. Confidants. And then….and then…

Leonard cleared his throat. “Yeah,” he said quietly, looking at the water and then glancing her way out of the corner of his eye. “Sorry I ain’t been around much.” He’d been trying to avoid getting pulled into the sort of plot “his” side was so fond of right now. The trend was for true evil dressed and posing as lofty moral good these days, and it made him gag.

Give him a good ol’ fashioned sinner any day, rather than those devils in fundamentalists’ clothing. Or even worse, their smug, self-satisfied human patsies, so convinced of their own holy rightness that they’d tell themselves that their fellow humans deserved the worst of punishments for their alleged failings.

Yeah, Leonard was trying to stay far away from that. Or he’d get rather too involved—and not in the way he was supposed to.

Sara gave him a sad little smile, and he decided that that was enough introspection for now. He stood, turning with a little flourish and holding a hand out to her.

“C’mon,” he said, wriggling his fingers. “I think I owe you dinner this year. And I know a great place in this very city.”

Sara considered him, then reached out and took the hand, allowing him to pull her to her feet.

“Aw, no Ritz this year?” she asked a little playfully.

“Nah. I got something better.”

Sara hadn’t meant to let her current state of pessimism show quite so much. She should have known that Leonard, of all…entities…would see and hear it and react.

She’d just been so dam...so darned glad to see him, smirk and saunter and all. He could be a jerk and a jackass, but long experience had taught her that there was no true evil in him, despite everything she’d once been taught about his kind.

He understood her better than anyone else at this point, she thought, glancing across the table at him and toying with her glass of wine. The angel Ripkiel, her mentor, would choke, but it was true. The ones who never spent much time here, among the humans and all their amazing and horrible creations and potential, they didn’t get it.

As if he’d read her mind, Leonard, who’d been focused on the remnants of his meal at the little hole-in-the-wall steakhouse he’d taken her to, glanced up.

“And how’s ol’ Rip?” he asked laconically.

Sara sipped her wine. “Oh, you know. Harried and self-important, but still one of the better ones.” She paused. “And how’s Mik?”

Leonard’s brother, for lack of a better word, was a fire demon. His name was close enough to the name of one of the most famous archangels that he now refused to use anything other than a nickname.

Sara had met him, memorably, at the 1666 Great Fire of London, when she’d shown up, suspicious that the blaze was a demonic ploy. (The angelic host had been on high alert all year.) There, she’d found a big man with a fiery aura staring raptly at the flames and Leonard hovering nearby, his own icy aura evident as he kept an eye on the fire as well.

Mik had been inclined to great dubiousness when it came to Sara, but Leonard had quickly talked him into a sort of truce. In the end, parts of the city burned, but only six people died—and the flames had the counterintuitive benefit of cleansing great swaths of the city after the bubonic plague outbreak (which had killed a whopping 100,000 people) the year before.

(People still claimed it was the wrath of God that had caused the fire—because of the Catholics or the city’s sin of gluttony, depending on who you asked. Sara was still sighing over that one.)

“Mik is…Mik.” Leonard smiled briefly. “He’s OK. He keeps his head down. Still about as fond as…ah, authority…as I am.”

What did it mean when a demon hated authority? Sara wondered, given the authority to whom said demons were supposed to answer.

And what did it mean when an angel felt the same way?

That question led down paths she was still uneasy with. Her gaze dropped to her wine glass again.

“I’m glad,” she said, staring at the pale liquid. “I like…”

She liked Mik. But how could an angel like a demon? They were evil, her side taught. Unworthy of redemption or grace. You didn’t like a demon. Let alone lov…

Sara’s head jerked up. Her gaze glanced off Leonard’s, then ricocheted around the room before resting, finally, on the wine glass again.

Silence, except for the quiet bustling of the restaurant. Sara heard and partly saw Leonard pick up his own glass, half-full of a deep red wine, and take a drink.

Imagined his throat working as he swallowed. Imagined his lips, stained red from the wine. Considered a warm, solid, nonjudgmental presence, intelligent and thoughtful, all the things she’d been told and taught were not for her, and…

Sara lifted her eyes again, letting her gaze meet his, acknowledging the spark—hell, far more than that—that traveled between them.

“Your place is near here, right?” she asked, tossing back the glass of wine. “It’s been a long year.”

Leonard was a little nonplussed.

He sprawled on the black leather couch in his apartment, feet up on the back just because, watching Sara prowl around the space, perusing all his bookshelves and looking out the windows with a restless sort of energy. It was a great spot, he'd admit that, and he had the penthouse and an utterly remarkable view.

He hadn’t paid rent in, well, ever. He'd just sort of moved in, way back when this building had been shiny and new and state of the art, and stayed there as others slowly filled in the apartments below. No one thought about the penthouse after that day, and that was just how Leonard wanted it.

He didn’t pay for utilities or Wi-Fi either. Nevertheless, both seemed to work just fine.

The area was trendy again, now, and Leonard was vaguely surprised that he hadn’t had to “remind” anyone that the penthouse not only existed but was off-limits for years. He wasn’t too worried about it, though.

He was, however, worried about Sara. Something was definitely off. This wasn’t even the sort of brittle, hard-drinking cheer she had about her when there were things she just wanted to forget. This was more. This was worse.

“You OK?” he asked, watching her from half-lidded eyes.

After a moment, Sara turned away from the bookcase—the shelves dedicated to books that people had tried to ban in schools and libraries, always an amusing (if somewhat depressing, for people who liked books) selection. She crossed back to the couch, flinging herself down on it in a way that caused his feet to slide off the back and fall into her lap, a development she ignored in favor of reaching for her wine.

“Just...discontented,” she said simply, after draining half the glass.

“With?”

Sara studied him a long moment, face unreadable even to him. The only sounds in the apartment were the faint noises of traffic far down below.

“With the way things are,” she said finally. “In general. Your side...my side...the lines are blurring, aren’t they? And I'm so tired.” She put her head back against the black leather with a sigh. “So many evil people have always thought they’re doing good, but I feel like it’s getting worse. Does it even matter, anymore?”

The words fell starkly into the quiet.

This was where he should take a stab at tempting her to change sides, Leonard thought suddenly.

The successful temptation and turning to the dark side (to borrow a term) of an angel hadn’t happened in eons. If he pulled it off, it would be an incredible coup, a feather in his cap. He might get a dukedom out of it. More so, he’d probably get the Powers That Be off his back for a few more centuries or even millennia.

Leonard took a breath. He started to speak. And...

He just couldn’t get the words out. And nothing was stopping him but his own damned (literally) conscience.

Go...heav...well, something help him, he liked Sara as she was. And he didn’t want her to have to deal with the trials and tortures of hell, or even the guilt of knowing you...

He glanced away. Then back, seeing her watching him.

The corner of her mouth ticked up, wryly. “And you?”

And him what? Leonard, still mentally reeling a little, struggled to think of what she meant.

Sara didn’t let him struggle long. “You OK?”

Ah. The immediate answer was simply, of course, no. But he didn’t really want to explain that.

“Kind of...discontented,” he told her quietly. “With the way things are.”

He waited for her to try to redeem him, to change him. If temptation was the logical move for a demon, the reverse had to be true for an angel, right? He wasn’t sure it was even possible, but surely that was beside the point.

But she didn’t. She just watched him silently, an intent and unnerving blue gaze that Leonard met unflinchingly.

Maybe...he wondered. Maybe she liked him the way he was, too? Flawed in ways an angel simply wasn’t supposed to be?

The quiet stretched out for a bit, long enough that Leonard could see the pink of sunset starting to tint the sky outside. Somehow, they’d moved a little closer, and he could smell the faint fragrance of something around Sara. Something lovely and somehow green, more earthy than he’d expect from an angel.

She was close enough, as a matter of fact, that she could look up at him, that smile hovering around the corners of her mouth again.

“Well,” she said with a sigh. “At least we can be discontented together.”

And with that, Sara reached up, wound her hands in the lapels of his jacket, pulled him down, and kissed him in a way that was distinctly non-angelic.

Or maybe that depends on your definition of the word.

It’d happened the first time back in 1554, though they’d been dancing around each other in a certain way for far longer.

(Sometimes literally—the thought of that sword dance back in 15th-century Scotland could still get his cold blood stirring.)

And maybe predictably, they’d been angry at each other that evening, at least at first. Well, more with circumstances than with each other. And Sara had been far angrier than Leonard. Something that wasn’t surprising, given that she’d blamed him for Lady Jane Grey.

Now, in reality, Leonard had nothing to do with that, nor with the rise of Bloody Mary—though he supposed he couldn’t be sure others of his ilk hadn’t been pulling strings somewhere.

But he had been lurking about the English court when Sara had returned to England in the midst of Mary Tudor’s rash of executions and found out about Jane’s death. She’d confronted him outside the apartments he kept and marched him into them at sword-point, scary and beautiful and so close to losing control that he’d been a little worried for her.

And himself. That too.

She’d accused and he’d retorted, and they’d sniped back and forth at each other until Sara had placed both her hands on his doublet and accused him of breaking their little arrangement of balance. It’d been the hurt in her voice, breaking through the anger, that had finally pushed him to tell her the unvarnished truth.

“I didn’t do it!” he’d snapped back at her, finally, staring down into her furious eyes. “I tried to help her, for Go-… for someone’s sake!” He should stop. He didn’t stop. “I tried. And I did it for you.”

He wasn’t really sure why she’d believed him that time. Demons were supposed to lie, after all. But he hadn’t been lying, and he really had tried to help.

For no other reason than he knew how Sara would feel.

Sara had blinked. Had stared at him, the rage slowly fading from her eyes. Her hands were still lying on his chest, and they’d slowly contracted into fists as she stared. Leonard was starting to wonder what she was thinking when she…well, growled.

And then she’d dragged his head down and kissed him. Hard. A rage-kiss, the kind one wouldn’t think an angel, even a badass and unstuffy one, would be capable of.

He’d been stunned into a gasp, and she’d taken advantage of that, claiming his mouth rather ruthlessly. She tasted of spices, he thought incongruously, just before her weight against him sent them crashing backward into the wall. That’d brought Sara flush against him and his arms went around her, pulling her close almost involuntarily.

All right, then, he thought, in the one corner of his brain that was still running the show. (He was in a fully human body right then, after all,) All right. It’s not like you haven’t dreamed about this.

And he kissed her back, arms curving around her ass, boosting her against him, even all the layers of clothing of the time not fully concealing his arousal. Sara growled again, then bit his lip, drawing blood, wrapping her own arms around his neck.

Somehow, they’d made it to the bed.

Barely.

It couldn’t really be called lovemaking. He was supposed to be immune to that particular four-letter world, after all, and Sara was supposed to be more, ah, into the platonic notion thereof. No, it’d been raw, passionate sex, and mind-blowing for all that.

It’d been said (and written) that angels were sexless unless they really wanted to make an effort. But somehow, this had seemed...effortless, at least in terms of forgetting that they probably really, well, shouldn’t. Inevitable. Right.

Sara had been gone when he’d woken, hours later. He hadn’t seen her again for a year.

Then, as they met in Augsburg, she’d hadn’t mentioned what had happened, a coolness about her manner that suggested he shouldn’t either. So, he hadn’t. They’d exchanged reports and moved on without even spending a day in each other’s company. And Leonard, restless and oddly unhappy, had promptly taken himself off to cause trouble somewhere, complete with some judicious seduction of both women and men he’d had an eye on.

A full-on orgy been a fun distraction. For a while.

Their meetings continued, though, and eventually, they’d settled back into the bantering friendship that’d been there before. Leonard procured a deck of French playing cards and they’d started teaching themselves the rules of twenty-one, one of the popular games of the time, which led to lots of good-natured arguing and late nights of talking.

Then it happened again, in 1616.

They’d both decided to get utterly plastered in honor of William Shakespeare, whose death hadn’t had anything to do with angelic or demonic influence but was still something they both mourned. And the drunker they got, the more hands had started to roam, the more a little physical release had seemed like a good idea. Still, they could have gotten rid of the alcohol in their systems immediately, sobering up and probably making better decisions.

They hadn’t.

Sara had still been gone the next morning, and they’d still pretended nothing had happened. But there was no coolness at their next meeting and, Leonard thought, they’d both known it would eventually happen again.

It did. Not long after the Great Fire, when the embers had still been cooling and Leonard had gone looking for Sara, to let her know Mik had left with a gruff “Tell Blondie she was right.”

And then it’d happened again. And again. Sara stopped vanishing afterward. They’d wake up curled up together the next day and continue squabbling about the Enlightenment, or what side the whole American experiment would end up benefiting, or the Industrial Revolution.

By the 1900s, finding their way to a bed (or a table, or a wall, or a handy patch of grassy ground) every year had just been what they did. Oh, sometimes they saw each other more often than that, but their yearly “appointments” were the times that not only including reporting on the state of things to each other and figuring out how to keep their state of balance going, but also hours of intense sex—and conversation and argument and venting and companionship.

But it was just sex, they’d told themselves. That was all.

This, though, Leonard thought, so many years later, lying in his bed amidst tumbled gray satin sheets, running his thumb gently over Sara’s hipbone as she slept.

This had been lovemaking.

There. He’d thought it. He was a demon, and he’d fallen in love with an angel, and what they’d done together here had been love, at least on his part.

With a sigh, he shifted his other arm, and his fingers grazed something soft that wasn’t skin. Leonard felt around the sheets a few moments, then pulled out a feather.

One of his, he thought, staring at it. More than a foot long, and glossy black. Had he really lost control that much?

He ripped his mind away from that thought and what it might entail. Instead, he smirked, reaching out to run the feather carefully, up Sara’s side. She twitched a little, and he moved the tip over, teasing other portions of anatomy until she batted it away.

“Mmmm...” Sara stretched, opening one eye to regard him, then focusing on the feather. “That’s mean.”

“Well. It is me.”

“True.” She stretched, long and slow, and Leonard licked his lips, wondering if he could get her to stay a bit longer.

“Same time, next year?” she asked lazily—and, Leonard thought suddenly, a little wistfully. It was that perceived wistfulness that gave him the nerve to say it.

“Would it be so...bad...” He was supposed to be bad; he was a demon. Leonard soldiered on. “If we…if we...”

Sara raised an eyebrow after a moment. “Uncertainty isn’t usually your thing. If we…what?” she asked, amusement in her tone. Her eyes darkened, just a tiny bit, and she sat up, letting the sheets fall away around her. “Come up with something new and creative, have you? Tell me.”

“Not in the way you’re thinking.” Leonard met her eyes. “Can we see each other more than once a year?”

Sara blinked at him. “We usually do,” she said slowly, after a moment.

“I don’t mean...on work.” Leonard let out a long breath. He was still lying there, looking up at her, the sheets caught around his hips, and he felt very vulnerable indeed.

“Stay with me,” he said simply, watching her. “We’ve both said how...discontented we feel, lately. We’re better together. Let’s do something different.”

Sara stared at him. Her fingers curled around the sheets. “You mean...”

“I’m not tempting you.” Leonard felt his lips curve in a humorless smile. “Well, maybe I am, but not in that way. Not to...my side. The other side. Whatever.” He sighed, closing his eyes, then opened them again, thinking.

“They get free will,” he told her a bit recklessly, flinging a hand out, encompassing all of humanity in the gesture. “Why don’t we? Why can’t we make this choice?”

Sara’s laugh was a little breathless. “I think the idea is that we do,” she told him. “Hence the whole ‘fall’ thing.”

“Yeah. But what if I...choose again? I can’t, can I?” He gave her a slightly pointed look. “And what would your bosses say if they looked in on you now? Is that really free will?”

Sara glanced away, flushing. Leonard would have enjoyed watching the pink color spread down her neck and farther if he wasn’t so concerned about her reaction.

“Exactly,” he told her simply.

Silence reigned in the apartment for a few minutes more. And then, to Leonard’s great disappointment, Sara got to her feet, reaching down to pick up some white, silky clothing item she’d shed on their way into the bedroom. She stared at it as if she couldn’t figure out quite what it was, then looked up at him again.

Were those tears in her eyes? But angels didn’t cry. No more than demons did.

“Stay with me,” Leonard repeated quietly, not moving.

“What would we...”

“Don’t know until we try.”

Sara took a breath and dropped the piece of clothing. She closed her eyes—and was suddenly clothed, all in white and blue again, pulling her garb directly from the ether in a way she rarely did. She’d always said she liked humanity’s creations too much to do that sort of thing.

“I have to go,” she said, turning toward the door, not looking at him now. “We are what we are, Leonard. And we have a job to do, no matter how...how we feel about it at times.”

Leonard found his voice again. “If you feel so strongly about it, why have you helped me hold the balance?”

But the door clicked shut behind her.

Sara avoided him again. For a year.

There were so many times she wanted to go looking, but she resisted, every time. Partly because she didn’t know what to say. Mostly because she was scared.

And tempted.

For long years, she’d expected the demon to try to tempt her, to try to get her to fall, to join the host of hell instead of the side of heaven. Leonard never had, not even when she’d given him openings with her sense of...discontent. He’d listened, and he’d vented as well, but he’d never tried to really change her. He’d understood. And, she’d realized at some point, he had a lot of issues with the way things were himself.

His words that night in the apartment, though—he hadn’t been trying to change her, nor tempt her toward hell. He just wanted...her.

And Sara wanted him.

Heaven help her, she wanted him too.

By the time the year had passed, she really wanted to see him again. Needed to. And she still wasn’t sure what to do or say if he brought it up again, but one way or another…something needed to happen. She couldn’t continue without seeing him. She couldn’t.

When she arrived at the fountain at the Central City park, a little early as usual, she was stunned to see that tall, lanky, black-clad figure already sprawled on the fountain’s ledge, one foot tucked over the opposite leg, looking off in the other direction.

Sara’s footsteps sped up, and her breath caught. Leonard must have heard or sensed something, because he sat up at her approach, still facing in the other direction, but clearly aware.

And, as she slowed and came nearer, he turned to face her.

Sara stopped.

Leonard was...

He was human.

On the surface, he looked exactly the same. But to her eyes, there was something indefinably different. Something missing.

But also something more.

“Leonard,” she whispered, staring at him. No other words would form, so she just whispered it again. “Leonard.”

“Hey,” he said quietly, watching her. No sprawl. No smart-ass comment. No explanation.

“What...how...” Sara had a hard time getting words out. There was too much.

Leonard gave her a tiny smile. “How long have I been…?” He looked down at his hands—those long-fingered clever hands that she knew so well. Human hands, now. “Almost a year. Not too long after…after I saw you last.”

“But…how?” She was whispering and wasn’t quite sure why. There weren’t many people around and they were ignoring the pair by the fountain. But there was a knot in her throat, and it was choking her.

His eyes were distant. “I couldn’t do it anymore,” he told her. “Be what I was. And I...changed.” His gaze focused and fixed on her, intent. “It turns out that’s a thing you can do. No take-backs, though.”

Sara figured there had to be more to it than that, but she’d also had another sudden, horrifying realization. “You’ll die.”

And Leonard, that jackass, nodded. Far too calmly. “Eventually. I’m told I’ll probably get a bit longer than the usual run, ‘specially since I started out in a body that wasn’t exactly newborn.” His smile was a little wry, but his eyes were still direction.

And suddenly Sara was angry. At him? At herself? At the world? All three? She took a deep breath, hands folding into fists. By the way Leonard’s eyes flickered, he sensed it.

“You’re leaving me,” she said, voice breaking on the words. “No, you left me.”

You’ve gone where I can’t follow.

“I didn’t mean to,” Leonard said quietly.

And then, even quieter: “You could join me.”

Sara’s heart stopped.

She stared at him. He stared back.

And then it started again.

“I can’t. I...” She took a step backward. Then another. Saw the hurt in Leonard’s eyes—human eyes, pale blue, no longer truly icy—a hurt that he quickly concealed.

“I get it,” he told her, looking away again. “You have a mission. A good one. I get it.” He unfolded himself from his seat, standing, still tall enough to nearly tower over her—though he’d never once used his height that way.

And he turned away.

There was, apparently, nothing else to say.

Sara struggled to breathe.

“What about the balance?” she asked the back of his black jacket helplessly. How could he do this to her? How was she going to keep going, throughout all the years, without him?”

Leonard paused. Then he looked back over his shoulder.

His face was still, his eyes…

“Gotta feeling it’ll keep going, one way or another,” he told her. “Think about it. I have. A lot.” An odd expression crossed his features, but it vanished before Sara could try to identify it, leaving only regret behind.

“Good luck, Sara,” he said softly. “I’ll be rooting for you.”

And she watched him leave.

“Rip!”

The angel Ripkiel had a place he liked to go sometimes. He told the others of his kind who asked that it was where he went to meditate on the nature of the world and time itself. In reality, he just liked the quiet and the fresh air.

It wasn’t much, really. A meadow in the mountains, a place humanity—and other angels—rarely approached. Ripkiel rather liked humanity, really (sometimes more than he liked other angels), but he also liked quiet.

“Rip!” the voice shouted his name again. He opened his eyes and sighed, then looked up from his seat on a large stone, dragged to the meadow by a glacier thousands of year ago.

The angel Sarai, a protégé of his once, approached him, eyes bright and posture tense. She must have flown up here, but she was on foot now.

And she looked pissed.

Ah. So they were going to do this now. Rip (and, yes, he knew about the nickname) smiled a little, sadly, as he turned to face her.

Sara’s steps stuttered to a halt a few feet away. She took a deep breath, eyes fixed on him. “Did you know?”

“About what?” Rip asked mildly, then continued before she could get another word out. “That you’ve had a partnership with a demon for millennia? That you’ve worked against heaven’s stated goals with him?” He paused. “That you’d fallen in love with him?”

Sara didn’t deny it.

“No,” she said, without missing a beat. “That he’s human now. That...that's a thing that can happen.”

Rip nodded, glancing away and out at the view. “Yes,” he said quietly. “I think I came very close to it myself once.”

Sara blinked. He’d surprised her. After only a moment, she came a little closer, seeming a little more subdued.

“There was a woman,” Rip told her, simply, answering the question before she could ask it.

Sara paused. “What happened?”

Rip gazed out at his view again. “I couldn’t leave…what I am…behind. She died. The end.”

Silence, except for birdsong and the faint whistle of the wind.

“Why couldn’t you?” Sara asked finally. She leaned against the larger rock next to him.

Rip looked at her. Really looked, seeing the conflict and the regret on her face.

“Too much doubt,” he said, wanting her to understand. “I just wasn’t sure. And you need to be.”

“I don’t understand. Do you…do you turn yourself human?”

Rip sighed, studying Sara. “It’s not that simple,” he told her. “Or…perhaps the point is that it’s ultimately simpler.” He looked up at the sky again, the sun and the clouds, and thought of Miranda. With regret, always.

“You decide,” he said simply. “That’s all. You decide and you change, and that’s it.” He glanced at Sara, holding out his hands before him. “Free will.”

She didn’t say anything. An interesting expression crossed her face and she looked up at the sun too. Rip wondered what she was thinking.

“Are you going to go with him?” he asked, after a few minutes, keeping his tone wholly unjudgmental.

Sara’s gaze snapped back to him. “I can’t do that!”

Rip shrugged. “No?” he asked. “You’ve been unhappy. I’ve seen that. You’ve changed.” He held up a hand as her gaze sharpened. “That’s not a criticism. If anything, maybe it’s a compliment.”

He sighed. “Sometimes I think the reluctance to change is our downfall,” he mused. “I know it was mine.”

The younger angel let out a long breathe. “But…” she said. “The world…”

Rip listened to her voice drift off before he spoke again. “You know how much good a single determined human can do in the world,” he told her. “And I have a feeling that in the end, that might be the most important thing of all.”

Rip looked back at the view. Sara didn’t say anything.

After a moment, though, he felt a shadow fall over his face as she unfurled her wings again. He felt the downdraft as she stepped back and took off.

And he reached down to pick up a single white feather from where it’d fallen to the grass.

“Goodbye, Sara,” he said quietly, looking out over the mountains. “We’ll miss you.”

Trying to decide what to do with your life was an interesting process.

Leonard, sitting on the rim of the park fountain and perusing a newspaper, put it down and sighed. Millennia of experience as a fallen angel didn’t really translate to any sort of job experience, as it turned out. Well, maybe as a politician, but he wasn’t touching that with a 10-foot pole.

It didn’t matter as much as it might have. Any amount of higher or advanced knowledge he’d once had was gone now, but Leonard wasn’t stupid. And he’d always been very pragmatic.

Between the money he already had in a nice, safe bank account and the investments he’d made, he didn’t really have to work—even though his landlord had suddenly realized there was a tenant in the penthouse, which existed after all. (Fortunately, he also had a signed, witnessed rental agreement, whether or not the man remembered it.)

It was even legit. Leonard was more or less trying to walk the path of the angels—so to speak—these days.

His decision had reset his personal scales, but Leonard knew better than pretty much any other human on Earth right now that good and evil were a good bit more complicated than most people believed. Still. Should he wind up in hell one day, there were a lot of…entities…who’d particularly like to see him scream. Better to walk the line.

He pulled his long legs up on the fountain rim and sprawled out again, putting his hands under his head and looking up at the sky.

For the past few weeks, he’d held out hope. He’d looked for Sara everywhere, hoping she’d come back. Hoping she’d decide, like he had, and she’d show up on his doorstep, beautiful and badass and human.

But he wouldn’t ask more than he already had. Pressuring her wasn’t something he ever wanted to do, and it wouldn’t work. It had to be her decision, and it had to be for her.

He closed his eyes, feeling the sun on his eyelids. He liked it. When he was a demon, sun had always felt a little…too good. He was supposed to be a creature of darkness, after all.

He might have stretched out there for a minute or an hour, just enjoying the peace, when a shadow fell over him. Leonard thought about opening an eye, then just decided to hope the person went away.

He felt someone pick up the newspaper by his head.

“Job ads, hmmm? Looking for a new career?”

His eyes popped open.

Sara was standing there, next to him. She had the paper in hand, studying it, and…

She was human.

And the most incredible, amazing thing he’d ever seen in his long life.

Leonard sat up so fast that he had to blink, unused to the sensation of vertigo. Sara gave him a wicked little smile, then dropped her gaze to the paper again.

“Substitute teacher…no. Landscaper…no,” she mused. “Telemarketing…isn’t that a fairly demonic profession? Maybe not.” She set the paper down and regarded him. “Guess you’ll have to find something else to do.”

Leonard just stared at her.

After a few moments, Sara started looking a little uncomfortable. “Leonard?” she asked quietly. “I mean…if this OK? Do you want me to leave? I…”

But then she stopped. Mostly because Leonard had stood, taken a step forward, wrapped his arms around her, and kissed her.

Distantly, he could hear wolf whistles in the background from park passers-by, and a few suggestions to “get a room!” They didn’t matter.

All that mattered was that Sara was kissing him back. Fervently. Her hands wrapped around the back of his head and her body molding to his.

When they finally broke away, they were both breathless.

“I…” Leonard cleared his throat, letting his hands drop to his sides. “Well, I had a city CSI I met suggest looking into law enforcement. Because I seemed to have some experience with…certain criminal elements.”

He gave a look from under his lashes. “I don’t know. Personally, I think I’d made a hell of a thief.”

Sara smiled at him. “I don’t know,” she said, thoughtfully, running her fingers down his jacket. “I think you’d make a better hero.”

Leonard coughed. “Maybe we can figure out something more...in-between?” he suggested delicately, holding out a hand to her.

Sara took it. “As long as it’s with me,” she told him. “We’re in this together, and don’t you forget it.”

“Me and you, angel. Me and you.”

#captain canary #sara x leonard #inspired by good omens #legends of tomorrow

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surveys-at-your-service · 5 years

Text

Survey #207

“it’s late, and you’re still staring at the light; to call it an addiction’s impolite.”

Nevermind what gender you ARE, what gender do you WANT to be? Happy being a girl. Do you ever feel ashamed revealing your age? When it's to people who are aware of how behind I am in the adult world in any context, yes. Very. If they know nothing about me, then I don't care. Are you confident enough to reveal your height and weight? Height, I don't care. Weight, fuck no. What do your parents call you? Both usually say "Britt," but Dad's more likely to use terms of endearment like "sweetie" and such. Well, Mom does use "hunny" a lot too. How old were you when you first got to go on the computer? Idr. About the "normal" age for little kids that played Neopets, probably. Would you say you’re an emotional person? Way too emotional. What’s a color that suits you the best? Black. And a color you just can’t pull off/don’t want to? Probably most... I wouldn't know, almost every single thing I wear is black. I have literally one light purple shirt, and I think that's the only non-black shirt I own. Describe yourself when you were 6 years old? Very talkative, extremely imaginative, outgoing, I was definitely weird, tomboyish, very happy... Man, I miss being that kid sometimes. A type of personality you just can't stand? The older and older I get, the more I cannot STAND a closed mind. I like people who accept they're far from always right, and sometimes, your "right" isn't such for someone else, and that is fine. You don't have to see the same way to still get along perfectly (though of course, there's no need to respect an opinion that spits upon, invalidates, or is just plain hateful towards another person/group). Like just as an example 'cuz I feel like I explained that poorly; I'm really not into the idea of polygamy at all, but I'm not against it for people it works with. You do you. Your appearance in one word would be? "Abilify." :^) City type of person or country? I like the live in a more country-ish area, but I found through Chicago I LOVE /visiting/ cities. What’s something you’re obsessed about right now? When am I not obsessed with Mark, meerkats, Silent Hill, opossums (a newer addition), WoW, etc. etc.? My whole life runs on obsessing over something, fren. Your reaction if someone told you you look 10 years older than your age? ZOINKS that would suck ass. Do you really badly want anything right now? For the past couple weeks, I've become more and more antsy to get up to Sara's again. When I land a job, fancyin' up my tattoo just because as I've said again and again it is SO important to me and must be perfect, then I'm saving up to go back up there. What’s something that makes you really stressed out? With all this job searching and such going on, it's like all I can think about, so why not mention what fucked me up at my previous ones: Putting me in a position of responsibility and expected knowledge. Ex., when I was a sales associate and was asked "Oh, do you have this?"/"Where is this?", it was CONSTANT PANIC MODE because I never knew and had to ask somebody, when I was expected to be a knowledgeable employee to the customer, and then comes the horror of feeling like I'm inconveniencing and annoying them. Have any particular standard look you look for in a significant other? I don't have a "standard look," no, but I am more likely to be drawn to a gothic appearance. But I don't actively search for someone that meets that criteria or anything. Do you listen to Wiz Khalifa? No. What are your opinions on marijuana legalization? Please legalize medicinal use already. Recreationally, idk. Do you date outside your own race? I'd have no reservations against it. I dated a Hispanic... less than a day, but still, you get the point that I don't have a problem with it. What are some of your turn-offs? SEXIST/MISOGYNISTIC, too old-fashioned, racist and/or homophobic, raunchy, arrogant/self-centered, lack of sincere interest and enthusiasm in conversation, poor hygiene, I'm gonna get SHIT ON for saying "too slutty," not taking dating seriously... that kinda stuff. I'm so picky. Are you gay, straight, bi, or trans? Bisexual. Are you vegetarian? If not, would you ever consider becoming one? I'm not now, but I hope to return to it after I get to my goal weight... In my few months of vegetarianism, it was proven that my immense pickiness with food was making the diet unhealthy for me, as I was strongly lacking in certain vitamins and such. I'm going to have to somehow overcome that if I want to return to it, which I REALLY do want to do the more and more I get into animal welfare and care. Are you in love? Yes. Are you more of a pessimist or an optimist? Pessimist, I think, out of the two. But I like to see myself as a realist. How much money is in your wallet? Literally just $11 lmao. What’s your favorite sex position? Only experienced in these with a man, so answering with that in mind. I like sitting on his lap, facing him, with my legs around his back. What do you ultimately wish for in life? Happiness and peace. Have you ever been pregnant? No. What do you think about tipping at restaurants? Tip your goddamn waiter/waitress, assholes. I do believe in tipping based on the quality of service, BUT at least give them SOMETHING for working. Do you have your driver’s license? No jkajdsklfaj;wer. I haaaave to practice more. Whenever I'm in the car, I always strongly prefer to listen to my music, controlling it from the passenger's seat, and at least right now, I can't drive with loud music, barely any at all really, so I have a hard time giving up blaring my music while Mom drives lmao. Have you ever passed out from drinking? No. What’s your favorite carnival food? Idk, I don't go nearly enough. Who did you last kiss? Romantically, Sara. Platonically, either my niece or nephew when leaving. Have you seen the final Harry Potter movie? I haven't even see one. Ever been called a slut? No. Would you ever have sex with someone not of your preferred sex? I'm bisexual so like- Would you ever get back together with any of your exes? No. Do you take any meds on a daily basis? Yep. What did you do today? Watched LPs as always; did some job searching; played WoW, way shorter than usual though; took a nap; made a new icon; took a shower; listened to music; did some social media scrolling. The usual stuff. What do you wear to bed at home? A tank top and pj pants. What do you wear to bed when you're somewhere else? The same, but with a bra. Is there a place you keep any prized/secret things whilst you’re away? No. Do you have any phobias? What? Why do you think you have this/them? I'll just talk about the unordinary ones, 'cuz I have a lot. The ones I'd consider "weird" are vomiting, whale sharks, and pregnancy. Vomiting is because it's just incredibly unpleasant, but also because I know what goes down is not supposed to come back up. Like no one likes puking, no shit, but I'm legit afraid of it and lock up on what to do when I feel it coming, like I don't know what to do. Whale sharks... ahaha. It literally came from World of Warcraft. The design of their mouths is fucking horrifying, and I hate hate hate how they sometimes phase in-and-out of the Vashj'ir map so just like pOP UP. NAH, SON. It's just their damn mouths, even though I know their esophagus is far too small to swallow a human. As for pregnancy, just... ew. I'm afraid of parasites, and it's a parasitic relationship. Something should NOT be growing inside of you. What skill do you possess that you are most proud of? I'm very compassionate, especially when it comes to others enduring emotional struggles. I really feel for hurting people. What is your greatest strength (e.g. honest, loyal, brave)? I have strong morals and stick to them. I'll always stand up for what I feel is right. What’s your greatest shortcoming or flaw (e.g. cowardly, alcoholic)? Ah jeez, there's a lot... but probably my anxiety. It's held me back and manipulated my actions since middle school. I struggle not followings its rules, but I'm sure trying. Who do you most admire? Mark, my mom, Sara, Sara's dad, Steve Irwin... man, there's too many great people. Who do you most love? Sara, my mom, and my pets, Teddy especially. What three things do you look for most in a partner? EXPRESSING OF THEIR EMOTIONS/TRULY FEELING!!!!!!!!, compassion, and a cool head. If you could ask God (to atheists - IF there was one) one question, what? Hm. Good question... There's a lot, but mostly little wonders; I feel like I have a decent understanding of the god I personally see, so don't have any magnificent questions. Perhaps regarding why they created our world. That'd be interesting. Rate yourself on these traits from 0 to 10: 0 - do not possess this trait. 10 - you have great amounts of this trait. Calm temper: 7. Charm: *big shrug* Cheerfulness: 3-4. Confidence: 0-3. Courtesy: 8-10. Curiosity: 6-10. Forgiveness: 9-10. Generosity: 8-10. Greed: 0-3. Helpfulness: Well, I like to try to help, but I don't feel I'm very successful at that, so idk. Honesty: 5-9, depending on who I'm talking to and what the subject is, I guess. Loyalty: This is very flexible, and I don't feel like I can put a number on it. It depends on how deserving you are of the trait, and yes, you can lose my loyalty in a heartbeat if you give me reason to take it away. Optimism: 0-4. Patience: This can go from a whopping 0 to a 10, lmao. Very dependent on the situation. Self-sacrifice: 8-9. Wit: -10. Briefly describe your family. Kinda broken. Tight bonds scattered between certain people, no bonds with others. What is the worst thing that has ever happened to you? The breakup. I wouldn't wish that night upon Satan himself. How did it affect you? We know. Have you ever had any recurring nightmares or themes in nightmares? Speaking of that... Jason is in most nightmares I remember. The common theme is it's either after the breakup and we have an awkward running in with each other, or it's long before when everything was "perfect." All things considered, I'd call even that a nightmare. Those fuck with me the most. Do you currently have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Yeah. Do you have any close friends? I can count those on maybe two fingers. Of what are you most proud? Letting Jason go. Of what are you most ashamed? I've talked about the Joel situation multiple times. What is your religion? Theist. Where do you stand on abortion? Mostly pro-choice. Where do you stand on the death penalty? Sometimes justifiable and one's deserving end. Felons are lucky enough it's done humanely. Where do you stand on wearing fur? If you're not surviving out in the arctic, fuck you and all you stand for. Could you kill somebody? I'm perfectly aware I could in defense situations. For what reason would you kill somebody? Defending myself or loved ones. Hell, probably even strangers. I'd kill a rapist with zero fucking hesitation, even if they were assaulting someone I'd never seen before. Would you SERIOUSLY CONSIDER killing anybody right now? No. Do you trust easily, or not? NOPE. What, if anything, would you sacrifice your life for? Defending peace, gay rights, or if it was to protect most of those I love. What are your dreams/ambitions/goals? Be a successful photographer, reach financial stability, come to a point where I'm actually proud of what I've done, play a roll in wildlife conservation, be happily married, and just overall be content and satisfied with my life. How do you plan to reach them? Working my goddamn ass off and not taking "no" for an answer (not about the marriage part tho lmao). Do you ever want to have a family someday? With children? No. Who would you want to start this family with, or do you not yet know? I just want a pet family with Sara. What do you see yourself doing next year? Man, I don't have a clue... What do you see yourself doing in twenty years? I don't want to think of that. That's too far ahead. I'll be 43... I've gotta work on too many things now. Would you ever have an affair? I'm very curious as to who would actually answer "yes" to this. Would you ever have a one night stand? No. Lmaoooo actually this is sad as fuck, but I think I've said in a previous survey just knowing myself, if we were both single and clicked, I'd be doomed if it was Markiplier. My morals would sadly go out the window. If you had a month of nothing (no work, no obligations) what would you do? That's literally been the story of my life for years now, especially the past two. And it's torture. Would you ever choose a career or job where your life was at risk? No. Well, actually, I do want to do wildlife photography, and it can be pretty dangerous. Were you present at any major historical events (e.g. 9/11)? No. Do you have any famous relatives? No. Ancestors, yeah, but not close relatives. Are you a loyal member of any organizations? No. What type of criminal would you be? With how forgetful I am, I'm certain I'd be a very clumsy one that gets caught very quickly, lol. What are you listening to right now? "Voices" by Motionless In White. If you had to choose a stripper name, what would it be? Um idk. If your phone started ringing, who would you hope is calling? Someone for a job interview. Do you drink? Rarely and/or for some special occasions. Never enough to get drunk. Do you smoke? No. What is the first thing you notice in someone? I guess posture? How they carry themselves? Do you get attached easily? BOY! DO I!!!!!!!!!!! Do you like your eye color? I wish they were more blue. Would you go bungee jumping/sky diving if given the chance? Definitely not bungee jumping, I know how I react to that kind of up/down movement, and probably not skydiving, either. Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist? Both regularly since middle school. Are looks important in a relationship? Not very. What is your favorite thing to do? Binge a new song I fell in love with for like days lmao. What was the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? PhotoScape. It's easier to move watermarks for photos on there, and I was working on the ones I took a few days back. Do you like to gossip? No, I feel super guilty. What kind of computer do you have? An Acer. Do you know all the words to your national anthem? I think? Have you ever failed a grade? No. Have you ever made the opposite sex cry? Yes. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? Nah. Have you ever slapped someone in the face? No. Do you own a designer purse? Hell no. Waste of money for a goddamn purse that's just gonna get dirty and scratched. What’s the weirdest rumor you’ve ever heard about yourself? Jason and I magically had a baby over summer vacation when I was very obviously never pregnant. Do you say the "h" in the word “herb”? No, though I did for a super long time 'cuz I had no idea it was wrong. Do you speak any languages besides English? Not fluently. Can you run in high heels? I wouldn't really know, but boy do I doubt it. Do you have to take stairs or an elevator to get to your house? No. What do you usually order at Subway? Ummm I think white bread, ham, American cheese, bacon, jalapenos, banana peppers, and Chipotle sauce. I think that's it. Did an alarm wake you up this morning? No. How long is your mother’s hair? Past her shoulderblades, near the middle of her back. Is there any particular place you’d like to vacation to next? Surprisingly, I'd love to go somewhere tropical, like Hawaii or some shit like that. Somewhere with clear water and unique, beautiful wildlife and nature. What is your beer of choice, if any? Never tried beer, never want to. The smell is bad enough. That and I associate it with when Dad was an alcoholic. Did you share a bed with anyone last night? No. Well, other than with my cat. Do you know anyone who volunteers regularly? Yes. Have you ever ruined a nice pair of shoes, and how? Maybe, playing in puddles or biking through them and mud as a kid or something. Who were the last friends you went to hang out with? Sara. How many chairs are in the room you’re currently in? None. Have you texted a relative in the past week? Not besides immediate family. Are you doing anything important today? No. If I were to bring you any type of food right now, what would you pick? If I was actually hungry, I have been craving hotdogs on the grill like CRAZY lately. No clue why. When did you move into the house you’re currently living in? April-ish 2017. Do you ever sleep with the light on? No, I can't. Do you pray to Jesus? 20+ years of that did nothing. No. What was the last thing you ordered at Starbucks? N/A Do you have a bonfire pit in your yard? No. Would you consider being homeless if it meant you could travel the world? I don't know; there's lots of factors to consider. Would I be willing to leave my pets (but Teddy, probably; I'd want him with me) with my mom? Would I have something like a camper? Where am I getting this money to travel and provide for myself? Do you know your next-door neighbor? Mom knows one, but I personally don't. What’s something you have never done? Lots of things? As an example, uhhh... I've never done a cartwheel, despite childhood efforts? Name someone you know who is a true risk-taker, adventurer, and free spirit. Do you admire that person? Idk. Do you wish you were more of a free spirit? I think I already am, but it'd be cool to be more of one. Are you allergic to any medications? No. How do you feel when someone says something you’ve experienced doesn’t exist? Tell me depression isn't real, my PTSD isn't genuine, I can "get over" my anxiety if I want to hard enough, stuff like that, and I will not fucking associate with you. These are things that have massively affected my life; I dare someone to tell me these experiences aren't real issues. What worldview do you have? A realistic one, I think. I'm positive in some areas, negative in others. Hm... I'm probably more pessimistic about the world's future, though. Do you have friends who have different religious beliefs than you? Duh? If applicable, who was the first person you “came out” to? Sara. What’s one thing you’d like to do more? Travel. What was your style in high school? Some emo/metalhead hybrid that wished with all her heart to be capable of affording a goth wardrobe and bitch I still do. What’s one thing you are jealous that other people got to do but you didn’t? Have a healthy teenage experience. Have you ever taken birth control pills continuously? I have for years for my cycle. I had just about debilitating cramps and sometimes periods that lasted over a week. Who is your personality twin? Sara is probably the closest. What’s a common name that you hate? Edward, above all. Not a big fan of William, Robert, or Allen, either. Who do you wish you were best friends with? If you don't count my girlfriend as "best friend," maybeeee... Alon still? Or Baylee. I need to talk more to her, she's awesome. Do you own a camera tripod? Yes. Did you ever believe in mermaids? I don't believe so. …in fairies? I believed in the Tooth Fairy. …in Santa? Yes. Have you ever purchased alcohol? Yes. What is your newest hobby? Hm, I don't think I've found a new one for a long while... What gives your life meaning? I don't know. What motivates you to do what you do? The pursuit of happiness. What was the weather like the last time you went out? Too fucking hot. Do you go for walks often? No, though I really want to around a lake at a local, small park. Problems consist of no way to get there myself, it's WAY too fucking hot with my sweating issue, and my knees just wouldn't have it; I know I couldn't walk the full lap around it. Also expect some art installations around the path and probably the gazebo are PokeStops for Pokemon Go and really wish I could play it, so that's bait to do it lmao. What color shirt are you wearing? Pink. What is your favorite type of YouTube video to watch? It really depends on who I'm watching. Favorite on the face of the planet are Mark's ego projects, then my second fave are probably Shane's conspiracy videos, then I love let's plays. Do you need any new clothes right now? I seriously need more pants. And new bras. Do you collect anything? If so, what? Silent Hill merch and meerkat stuff. ^and if not, what would you like to collect? When I can buy shit myself, ya girl is gonna have way too much Markiplier merch. YouTuber stuff in general, actually. Too shy to ask for that kinda stuff now lol. Have you ever experienced a miracle? I don't think so. What was the last thing you ate? A burger. Do you ever eat food that’s intended for kids? ...? Like, baby food? No. Or maybe you mean shit like Lunchables? In cases like that, sometimes? What was the last stupid thing you did? Oh boy, who knows. Do you get embarrassed easily? You. Have. No. Idea. What are your top three names you like for a daughter? Alessandra, then uhhhh... I like Chloe and Adrian. Would you ever film a vlog of yourself giving birth? Hell no. I'd never wanna see it, I'd never want my hypothetical child to have to witness that, etc. Do you like getting caught in the rain? No. Wet clothes are no. Do you think your hair looks best straight, wavy, or curly? Straight, I guess? Though my hair does swoop to the right, so it's kinda a wave? What was the last craft project you completed? Oh, yeesh. I don't do crafts. The closest thing was I guess Sara's Valentine's Day gift for last year? Name 3 YouTubers you would like to meet in person: Markiplier is literally the only one that matters lmao and it's not "would like to meet in person," he will be forced to endure meeting me ok. Meeting Shane Dawson would be amazing, he's such a relatable sweetie, aaaaand #3 would probably be Rhett and/or Link, as similar to Mark, they deserve a tear-filled thanks as well as back-breaking hugs for seriously helping in keeping me alive through my suicidal year. I mean it when I say they genuinely helped me keep going. What color are your nails painted currently? They’re never painted. Do you use a pill box? No. List 3 people you know who were loving and then turned cold: Jason, Jason, and Jason. Have you ever felt threatened for your life? No. Which did you like better: high school or college? My college experience was horrid. High school had great memories, but of course negative ones, too. Which year of your life stands out to you as the most significant so far? 2017. …and why? It was my year of recovery from the breakup. What was the last store you shopped at? I went to Wal-Mart with Mom. I think that was the most recent, anyway. Do you have a favorite pharmacist? No. Do you have a favorite cashier at the grocery store? No. What’s something you discovered recently? I'm a Billie Eilish fan. What makes you more creative? Music. What’s the last magical thing you experienced? YO okay so when my brother and nephew were here, we went to the science museum and into a 360 VR-esque show about astronauts. I got SO nauseous and dizzy, but it was nevertheless extremely cool. What is the theme of your bedroom? It doesn't have a theme. Have you ever lived in a dorm? No. When was the last time you stepped outside of your comfort zone? Just tonight! I ordered at a drive-thru myself. Would you rather ride a camel or an elephant? An elephant! Do you want to lose weight? You have no fucking idea. Which insects scare you, if any? Lmao most. Especially rhinoceros beetles, big beetles in general honestly, cockroaches, earwigs, centipedes... like a lot okay. I like observing praying mantises, but I would probably have a fucking heart attack if one was on me. Do you think it’s silly to be afraid of a tiny insect? Well, yeah, though I get the likely survival reason, that being we know many are venomous, so we're naturally averse to them, especially if we don't recognize the type. Were you raised religious? Yes. Have you ever been abused? No, thankfully. Is there a coffee shop you like better than Starbucks? N/A If you could afford to get your hair professionally done, what would you get? Man, I have SO many color combination ideas. If I could get it done in the safest manageable way by a pro, I saw this look once with totally bleached/pure white hair that fades to blood-red tips, and BOY would I get that in a heartbeat. If you had a lot of money, do you think you would use it wisely? I hope so. I think so. The only thing I imagine myself being weak with are tattoos. Do you know any rich people who are very irresponsible? I don't think so... List five careers that you’d like to have: Meerkat biologist, paleontologist, artist, poet, something in wildlife conservation/protection. List five far-out things that you’d like to do before you die: Scuba-dive, I'd LIKE to ride a rollercoaster (far-out for me, trust me), but I know I never will, and uh... idk. Riding a motorcycle would be cool, but that's another thing I hiiighly doubt I'll do. What was your first imaginary friend’s name? I never had one. What was the name of the first pet that you loved? Chance, a cat my mom rescued. She was our very first family pet. She was absolutely incredible. Do you like to go barefoot? Unless I'm in a house, no. Do you like the same colors now that you did as a kid? Yeah. Do you have a YouTube channel? Yeah. Is there someone who stopped talking to you for no reason? Oh, who to begin with? Did you ever get called horrible names like whore, skank or bitch? "Bitch" more than once. Where did you sleep last night? My bed. Have you ever slow danced with anyone? With Jason, yeah. And I don't think so, but maybe Sara briefly? Have you ever cried in public? Yeah. What would you do if you were pregnant? I don't have a fucking clue. Do you like cuddling? With someone I love. Have you ever cried in school? Yes, but I think I kept it private. Who’s the last person to send you a message on Facebook? A woman whose wedding I'm shooting this Saturday. Have you ever witnessed someone else engaging in a sexual act? Just making out. Where did you get drunk last? N/A What’s your relationship with the last person you texted? She's my girlfriend. If someone went through your pictures, would they find a dirty one? No. How did you do on the last test you took? I haven't been in school for a long time. How come you’re not going out with the person you love? I am.

#survey #quiz #questions #random #bored

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acetarisborn · 6 years

Text

Trust - Chapter 5

Summary: Logan helps Roman go through some feelings of guilt he still has. After being confused of what he feels, Virgil asks Roman for help.

Pairings: Moxiety and some platonic Logince

Content Warning: I think none

Virgil had helped Patton put the bandages on Roman's wounds. The moral side put the kit in the drawer and sat in the couch the uncouncsious side had in his room with Virgil and Logan.

After a few moments they realized the silence was ankward but just then Logan broke it.

"This changes everything"

"Why?" Patton asked to him in confussion.

"See Roman's state? If he was able to got hurt then what assures us we can't be killed?" Virgil and Patton looked at each other at Logan's words, then to him.

"W-well kiddo, getting hurt doesn't mean we can die"

Logan opened his mouth to remark how illogical that was but when thinking about it he noticed Patton was right.

"That's actually true.Then the question 'can we die?' remains a mystery"

"Great, so we are back at where we started" Virgil groaned annoyed at how less progress they have made.

"At least we have Roman back. That's a good thing"

Logan looked at him, his lips curving in a concerned expression

"He will be fine, or at least considerably better than his last state. Look at those wounds and bruises" Logan gestured at him "What did he went through to end up like that?"

Virgil looked down and Patton gave him a pat in the back, trying to comfort him

"Don't worry, kiddos. It's Roman who we are talking about! He is brave, strong and he is -"

"Waking up!" Logan said surprised when he looked at Roman moving. They all gathered around the bed.

Roman’s eyelids opened slowly, his vision being blurry for a few seconds but then regaining full counscuiousness. The first thing he saw was Virgil looking at him with worry, Logan doing the same and Patton glaring with an spark of hope and relief. Not a second had passed when he felt a warm and sudden embrace.

“Roman! Thank goodness!” Patton said loudly while the others also hugged him, except for Logan.

"Patton! Are you alright?”

“What kind of question is that? You are the one who is in such bad state!”

“Oh, come on. I’m not that ba-Ow!” he complained only to be cut off by a pain in his head.

“What happened after I fainted?”

“Well, you were looking like crap when we opened the door so we treated to your wounds and that’s it”

“And I would like to remind you that moving is not the best choice at the moment, since your different wounds and what seems like a near migraine would get worse. What I recomend you is to rest properly until tomorrow”

“I think he will need way more time to recover, Lo.” Patton remarked reminding Logan the bas state Roman was in.

“Well, Patton. Since we are not actually human beings we don’t need that much time to recover with proper medications so a good day or evening of rest will be enough.”

“Well, that’s just great! and I’m not being sarcastic here. I actually agree that I need a beauty sleep right now”

“Not yet, kiddo! When you passed out I was making some hot cocoa, I helped me to be less stressed about this whole situation and I thought you would like some.”

“Oh, Please. That would be delightful!” The creativity exclaimed, he has been missing Patton and his way to cheer up the group.

“Then I’ll go finish it and get some for everyone! Wanna help me, Logan?”

“I was heading to my room for something to take notes,since I have some questions to ask to Roman but since it’s clearly not the best moment I guess you will need assistence” He offered while stepping out of the room

“Thank you. Virgil, take care of Ro and tell us if he needs anything.”

“I will, Pat. Don’t worry.” Virgil answered and smiled sweetly at him. A fact that Roman didn’t set aside.

When they were only the two sides remain in the room Virgil talked breaking the silence of the room.

“So, Princey. You sure went throught a lot, huh?”

“I actually thought bravely at the situation! I was a he-” He was cut by a hand slapping his face

“What was that for?!” He asked rubbing his cheek

“Dude! What did I told you?! The only thing I told you not to do was the first thing you did!”

“Alright, alright, I’m sorry. I was an idiot”

“I’m sorry for slapping you too, It’s kinda my revenge of making me and the others worry so much.” He said chuckling which Roman ended up doing too.

“I actually want to ask you a question.” He said turning more serious.

“Oh, what is it?”

“I have been spending a lot of time with Patton, more than usual. It’s probably because this whole situation has me stressed or whatever but whenever I am with him I feel somethig...weird.”

“What do you mean?” Roman raised an eyebrow wanting more information.

“I feel safe, I am happier with him, I really enjoy all the times we talk to each other, sometimes I feel too close when we hug and I start to blush, his laughter it’s in my mind the sweetest sound in the world and- and I don’t know. Logan isn’t good with emotions so you were my best choice to ask about it.”

Roman laughed which made Virgil turn around with a mix of fear and shame.

“What? Why are you laughing? What’s that funny?”

“I’m sorry, Virgil.” He said already calming down. “It’s just that you are describing me a classic case of a crush”

“W-what?” he said nervous

“Virgil, you like him! I saw that little smile you just gave him and it can’t be more clear that not only you like him but he likes you back.”

“How can you know that?”

“Before I...left. I saw you two having these cute little moments, you two are already close, Patton also seems to be really happy and supporting with you.

“Yeah, that’s how he is with everyo-”

“Oh, stop making excuses, Virgil. You two have something special!”

“You know how he is like that! He probably sees me just a a kid, like his son or something”

“That’s not true. I represent Thomas’s creativity but you also said it, I am Thomas’s romantic side too. I recognize a good chance when I see it and you need to stop thinking of what if it’s not and start to say what if it is. You gave me advice last time so I’m giving some too. Go for it, tell him you love him and I assure you it will end well”

Virgil smiled and nodded

“You are right, I’ll do it eventually. But DON’T rush me, okay?”

Roman nodded before they heard a knock in the door.

“I just came here to ask for Virgil’s assistance. Patton is not the best with hot cocoa. It slipped on the floor and to be honest I can’t stand more drink or chocolate related puns. May I stay with Roman while you go help him?” Logan asked from the other side of the room.

“Yeah, sure” Virgil opened the door and let Logan in, he entered and sat on the couch when he left. After a minute of silence he decided to speak and sighed.

“Roman, this might seem as an unusual question coming from me but... Are you alright?”

Roman turned to him being took a little off guard by him asking such obvious question.

“Well, I think you know the answer because of my wounds”

“I didn’t meant it by the physical damage. I was talking in a more...emotional matter”

Roman looked at him surprised, why he of all sides wanted to know if his feelings weren’t touched or hurt? He promised to be honest and more open so he answered sincerely.

“I am not” He looked down at the duvet he was under, soft with a bright red color.

“I know you don’t want to talk about it but I suggest you to tell me what happened, since that night until now. I... I might help”

He looked curious at Logan, after a moment he decided to trust him, since he is the most honest of them he will probably help him see this mess in a more Logic and organized way.

“Well. First I was trying to find a way to understand Deceit, to predict his next move or create a plan to protect you all. After hours I had nothing.”

“And I assume that Deceit found this moment when you were weakened by the lack of sleep and already disencouraged by your block as the perfect chance to get to you”

Roman looked down slightly ashamed of himself. He didn’t meant that whole thing to escalate into what it turned into that night. He was still feeling bad about how he couldn’t control his impulses.

“Yeah...”

“May I ask you what hapened to you that made all those bruises?” He inquired pointing at his bandaged chest.

The fanciful side took a deep breath and after thinking of an answer he started to narrate the events. He told him about the whole fight he had with irreal version of his friends and Deceit, how guilty he felt about those lies about Patton getting hurt and the others hating him.

“I-I know now that wasn’t real but all the insults, all the pain” He paused “It was all so vivid and it hurted, it hurted a lot”

Logan looked concerned at him while taking notes for reseach. He stopped when he saw tears slowly forming in Roman’s eyes.

“I know I am not the best giving comfort of affection, but I can remind you none of that was real. Patton is not “dead”, Virgil and you are very comfortable with each other’s prescence. We are all dealing with centain issues but we are perfectly safe for the moment.”

Roman smiled and wiped off his tears. Then he let an slight laughter

“You know what’s funny? You helped me to get out of that hellish nightmare”

Logan stared confused at the other’s words

“Me?”

“I started to think logically like you. It turns out with some logic thinking and knowledge I had I was able to realiz none of that was real.” He explained

“I know I may not say this much and I know we’ve had our arguments; but as much as I love to fantasize of perfection, magic and happiness, sometimes is nice to ground into reality and see the things how we are, see what this world we live in has to offer.”

Logan got surprised by these words, the fanciful prince admitting something like that was something new for him, it made him feel almost complimented.

“W-well. I appreciate your words and that you have shared this situation with me.”

“I tell you guys I am a fearless hero but this time your reasoning, you, saved me. I can’t stop thinking that I owe you for that. So thank you, Logan”

Logan rarely felt that appreciated with the others, for the first time in a while he felt listened to, being taken seriously. It felt good and comforting, giving him a weird warmth on his chest.

He sincerely smiled at him and he gave him a weak smile back. uddenly they heard footsteps coming near.

“I guess Patton and Virgil are coming back. Thank you for your time, Roman.”

“Wait, I still have a question” Roman added “Why did you suddenly cared about my feelings?”

Their eyes locked at he just anwered

“Belive it or not, I know the feeling of thinking you are hated and it’s sincerely something I don’t think any of us should go through, at least not alone.”

Just after that Patton opened the door withsky and dark blue mugs in his hands, both filled with hot cocoa and marshmellows floating in the sweet drink.

“We are back, kiddos!” Patton sang with a cheerful tone.

“Here’s your cocoa, Roman” Virgil handed him the big red mug which he recieved happily.

“Here’s yours, Logarithm” Patton joked handing him his respective mug

“Please, refrain from calling me that, but thank you”

They all drank the hot cocoa and wathed TV in Roman’s room for the rest of the day. When they eventually needed to go to rest they all said goodnight to each other and went to their rooms. Patton almost burries Roman with plushies until he resigned to sleep with one. Virgil had already headed out and Logan just exchanged looks with him as a signal of understanding and maybe a glimpse of admiration and respect.

That night Roman was able to sleep peacefully thinking about how lucky he was to have all those people who loved him for what he truly was.

Heeeeeeeeeeeey.

I am SO SORRY. I went through a lot of trouble this months and I know it’s been forever since my last update and that’s why I am apologizing.

I am on vacations now so a lot of stressful things are finally over for a while.

Also, I might have stopped because I think I took too long and probbly no one cares by now. I am sorry.

But if any of you still read this I’ll do my best to update more frecuently by now, I swear

Tag List: @well-love-has-failed-me

#sanders sides fic #sanders sides #roman sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #deceit sanders #sanders sides trust fanfic

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fluidityandgiggles · 6 years

Text

The Plastics: Phase 2

(Phase 1 - part 1, part 2)

—————

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart!” Roman was looming over the sink, trying his best not to stare at his boyfriend.

His very much shirtless boyfriend.

Roman knew how much Virgil loved his 7-Eleven slurpees. (Part of him liked the fact that his boyfriend was a less-homicidal version of JD.) But sadly, so did Remy. So when Remy told Roman to throw Virgil’s slurpee at him... he couldn’t argue against that.

It was Remy, after all.

But he isn’t going to complain about his boyfriend being shirtless.

“It’s perfectly fine, it was just a slurpee.” Virgil gave Roman a smile that he would never be caught, dead or alive, giving to anyone. “Just... do you have a spare shirt?”

“Do you mind that it’s Wednesday?”

—

Having lunch with the Plastics was like leaving the real world and entering “Popular World”. And Popular World had a lot of rules.

“You can’t wear a tank top two days in a row,” Roman told me. “And we only wear track pants on Fridays.”

Well... let’s consider the issue with the statement. That day, both Remy and Roman were wearing jeans. Remy’s blue, and Roman’s white. Their shirts were pink, though.

And Emile... yeah. He was in a skirt.

“I mean, not just you. Like, any of us. Okay, like, if I was wearing track pants today, I would be sitting over there with the drama kids.” Emile started giggling. “You think this is a joke? Drama club is not a joke.”

“We know, Roman.”

“Oh, and we always vote before we ask someone to eat lunch with us, because you have to be considerate of the rest of the group.” Understandable. “Well, I mean, you wouldn’t buy clothes without asking your friends first if they look good on you.”

“I wouldn’t?”

“Right. Oh, and it’s the same with guys.” I think this was when Roman’s leg started jumping. “Like, you may think you like someone, but you could be wrong.”

And then Roman looked at Virgil. Who was playing with a pair of aviators. Well... if I had to guess...

“A hundred and twenty calories, and forty-eight calories from fat...” So Remy could read labels. Nice. “What percent is that?”

“Forty-eight into one-twenty...?”

“I’m only eating foods with less than 30% calories from fat.”

“It’s 40%.” The confused looks I got from Remy and Roman were... weird. Let’s call them weird. “Well, 48 over 120 equals X over 100, and then you cross-multiply and get the value of X.”

“...whatever. I’m getting cheese fries.”

Sure, Remy. Sure.

As soon as Remy got away, though... Roman started talking. “So, have you seen any guys that you think are cute yet?”

“We’re all gay here,” Emile said. I think to himself. I hope to himself.

“Well...” Better be honest. “There’s this guy in my calculus class-”

“Who is it?”

“It’s a senior?” Yes, Roman. It’s a senior.

“His name’s Patton Graham.”

If I had to compare this moment to anything... it would probably be a bomb drop. Roman started a chorus of “no”s, with Emile joining in every now and again.

“Oh no, you can’t like Patton Graham!”

The literal angel descended from heaven to grace this world with his beauty and overall being? Sure. Why? Can you explain why, Roman? Huh? You wanna try an explanation, bitch?

“That’s Remy’s ex-boyfriend.”

Oh.

“They went out for a year.” Thankfully, this was said by Emile. Roman’s voice was starting to annoy me.

“Yeah.” And... we’re back. “And he was devastated when Patton broke up with him last summer.”

“I thought he dumped him for Ollie Hendricks.”

“Okay, irregardless. Ex-boyfriends are just off-limits to friends. I mean, that’s just, like... the rules of feminism. Or something.”

I swear I heard Virgil snort.

“Don’t worry. I’ll never tell Remy what you said. It’ll be our little secret.”

I seriously doubted it.

—

“We define the sum of the infinite geometric series...”

Even though I wasn’t allowed to like Patton, I was still allowed to look at him. And think about him. And talk to him.

“Hey, Pat-”

“Hey, you’re the Africa guy, right?” A guy (who, to be fair, looks like a top hat would just fit him perfectly, he’s just that kind of creepy) asked me. As I was going to talk to Patton.

Rude much?

“Yeah.”

“I’m Dorian Pechmann, captain of the North Shore Mathletes. We participate in math challenges against other high schools around the state, and we’re missing a member. You should think about joining.”

“Oh, you’d be perfect for it!” Our teacher - Ms. Torres - jumped in.

“Yeah, definitely.”

“Great, great. Let me give you my card!”

This guy has a card...?

‘Dorian Pechmann - Math Enthusiast/Bad-ass M.C.’

It even includes his phone number. Lovely.

“Okay, so... think it over. Cause we’d like to actually compete this year.”

Okay...

—

Patton actually almost talked to me later that day, if only Remy didn’t pull up near the football field and screamed “get in, loser, we’re going shopping!”

Remy is like the Barbie doll I never had. I’d never seen anybody so glamorous.

“So how do you like North Shore?” Emile asked me in the mall.

“It’s good. I think I’m joining the mathletes.”

And again with the booming chorus of no.

“You cannot do that,” Remy said. Incredibly harsh for a valley girl. “This is social suicide. Damn, you are so lucky you have us to guide you!”

And then Roman spaced out. And I could see why. Over in the shop we were passing...

There was Virgil.

I was starting to suspect more and more.

Being at Old Orchard Mall kind of reminded me of being home in Africa. By the watering hole. When the animals are in heat.

“Oh my god there’s Jason!”

“Where? ...oh, there he is.”

“And he’s with Taylor Wedell!”

Remember Jason? From the cafeteria? Yeah. The poor person he was now picking up...

Was a girl.

“I heard they’re going out.”

“Wait...” Remy’s smirk grew into a vicious smile. If we can call it that. “Jason’s not going out with Taylor. No. He cannot blow you off like that. He’s such a little skeez. Give me your phone.”

“You’re not gonna call him... right?”

“Do you think I’m an idiot?”

“No.”

It took Remy exactly three seconds to dial up a number - how exactly? - and ask for “Wedell on South Boulevard.”

“Caller ID-”

“Not when you connect from Information.” And then, “Hello, may I please speak to Taylor Wedell?”

I swear his voice became more feminine when he said that.

“Oh, this is Susan from Planned Parenthood. I have her test results. If you could have her give me a call as soon as she can. It’s urgent. Thank you!”

And then, “she’s not going out with anyone.”

“Okay,” Roman said, finally smiling. “That was so fetch!”

It took just a couple seconds after that for Taylor Wedell to run away screaming.

—

Remy’s house was bigger than I have ever known a house to be. His step-mom was incredibly plastic-y, like a tv trophy wife or something, and his sister - oh god, his sister! His poor, sweet, innocent preteen sister - was watching MTV.

I honestly don’t think the content was entirely age appropriate.

His step-mom also offered us drinks that could have passed for alcoholic, which was even more worrying for a second.

But his room...

“It was my parents’ room,” Remy told me. “But I made them trade me.”

Bitch...

Even worse, bitch who flaunts around his ex-boyfriends. Like all the pictures of Patton he has hanging on his door.

“Logan, do you even know who sings this?” Remy asked me about the music that was playing on the radio.

“Umm... One Direction?”

“Oh my god, I love him! He’s like a Martian!”

Is that a... compliment...?

“God, my hips are huge!” Emile was checking himself out in the mirror... why?

Is that what friends do...? Gay people as a whole...? What?

“Oh please, I hate my calves.” Something about Roman’s tone sounded incredibly fake.

“At least you guys don’t have huge shoulders.”

I used to think there was just fat and skinny. Apparently, there’s a lot of things that can be wrong about your body.

And so, after listing about eleven hundred things that are wrong about their bodies, they turned to me. Expected me to talk.

Well... “I have really bad breath in the morning.”

“...ew.”

And then, “Oh my god, I remember this!” Emile was holding a pink album.

‘The Burn Book.’

“I haven’t looked at that in forever! Come check it out, Logan!”

“It’s our Burn Book,” Roman told me. “See, we cut out pictures of people from the yearbook, mostly girls, sometimes also guys, and then we wrote comments.”

“Trang Pak is a grotsky little bitch.” “Still true!”

“Dawn Schweitzer is a fat virgin.” “Still half true!”

“Amber d’Alessio masturbated with a hot dog.”

“Virgil Thompson,” Emile read out. “Stoner.”

Wait, what?

“Who is that?”

“I think it’s that kid Thomas,” Roman said. His voice still sounded... well, off.

“Yeah. He’s almost too gay to function.”

“Ha, that’s funny! Put that in there.”

Oh no. What have I done. Maybe that was only okay when Virgil said it.

—

“And they have this book, this Burn Book, where they write mean things about a lot of people in our grade.”

Virgil looked incredibly enthusiastic. Maybe a bit too much for the situation.

“What does it say about me?”

That you’re a stoner. “You’re not in it.”

“Those assholes.” He seemed to enjoy it far too much.

“Will this minimize my pores?” Thomas was holding a tube of... whatever cream that was.

“No. Logan, you gotta steal that book.”

“No way!”

“Oh, come on! We could publish it and then everybody would see what a dick he really is!”

“I don’t steal.”

“That is for your feet!” Virgil literally snatched the new cream from Thomas’ hands the second he brought it up. “Logan, there are two kinds of evil people. People who do evil stuff, and people who see evil stuff being done and don’t try to stop it.”

“Does that mean I’m morally obligated to burn that lady’s outfit?”

Thomas really shouldn’t have said that, probably.

“Oh my god, that’s Ms. Torres.”

“I love seeing teachers outside of school! It’s like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs!”

“Oh, hey, guys,” Ms. Torres called as she came to the counter. “What’s up? I didn’t know you worked here.”

“Yeah, moderately priced soaps are my calling.”

“You shopping?”

“No, no. I’m just here with my boyfriend.” Yeah... literally the only other customer in the shop. “Joking. Sometimes older people make jokes.”

“My nana takes her wig off when she’s drunk.”

“Your nana and I have that in common,” she deadpanned. “No, actually I’m just here because I bartend a couple nights a week down at P.J. Calamity’s. Logan, I hope you do join Mathletes, you know. Because we start in a couple weeks.”

“I think I’m gonna do it.”

“Great!”

“You can’t join Mathletes, it’s social suicide!” Thomas rushed to say.

“Thanks, Thomas.” And then, “well... this has been sufficiently awkward. And I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

“Oh man, that is bleak,” Virgil sighed when Ms. Torres left. “So, when are you gonna see Remy again?”

“I can’t spy on him anymore. It’s weird.”

“Come on, he’s never gonna find out! It’s just... it’ll be like our little secret!”

Okay then...

—————

Tag list:

@broadwaytheanimatedseries @anony-phangirl @itsthemoooooooooon @whatwashernameagain @illmamnim @anotherfanboyonline @illogical-anxieties @allsortsofgeekery @ask-m423 @samwantstobereal @creepy-crawly-death-dealer @nepturanus-thy-planet @impatentpending @pheo742 @the-randomest-ofthe-fandomest @fanderily @tripleaaace @jokesequaljoker

#kylo cant write #sanders sides #mean girls au #logan sanders #virgil sanders #thomas sanders #roman sanders #remy/sleep #emile picani #patton sanders #logicality #prinxiety #remile #deceit sanders #valerie

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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 6 years

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The Last Jedi: What I Disliked About One of the Most Fascinating Films Ever Made

The Last Jedi is probably one of the most controversial films ever made for a lot of reasons. This movie did a LOT of shit, a lot of shit that would piss people off. Hell, it even pissed ME off. But when I see people on the internet frothing at the mouth and calling this movie the worst shit pile to ever exist, the most offensive thing Star Wars has ever produced, and threatening the director with death and calling him a soulless piece of shit bastard… I’m pretty inclined to defend the movie. Frankly, anyone who reacts THIS negatively to TLJ is an utter braindead moron; you do realize you can dislike a film without being completely, insanely hyperbolic, yeah? Again, there’s a lot I hate in this movie too, and I’m gonna talk about it shortly, but in a franchise with Jar-Jar, the holiday special, and vast swaths of the Legends continuity, is this seriously the worst this franchise has had to offer? If you answer anything other than “No,” congratulations, I’d say you’re about the same mental capacity as people who think Watto is some sort of offensive Jewish caricature.

But as much as I would love to spend an entire post insulting all the whiny bastards in the Star Wars fandom, I have more pressing matters: criticizing stuff in The Last Jedi. And boy do I have a lot to criticize. I actually did review the movie a while back, and while I stand by my initial thoughts, I gotta go into more detail about what I didn’t like. However, before continuing, I want to make one thing absolutely clear:

I think The Last Jedi is a genuinely good movie. Maybe not GREAT per se, as I have more criticisms for it than just about any other film in the series, but excellence is just so wholly ingrained into the DNA of Star Wars theatrical films that even at their most divisive they still have some level of charm. And at any rate, this movie is a hell of a lot more interesting than Rogue One. I’d say out of the newer films, this one sits behind Solo. Anyway, let’s get on to the main event… here are all my issues with The Last Jedi, presented alphabetically, and with lots of spoilers:

Canto Bright: This is probably the most annoying waste of time in the entire film, a blatant and obnoxious stretch of padding the runtime. Nothing that happens in the entirety of this subplot is truly important in the grand scheme of things; the only relevant bit of plot is that they find DJ, and this could have been done a lot quicker. This wouldn’t be so bad if they had made Canto Bright a bit more interesting, but it just feels like another attempt to rehash Mos Eisley’s cantina. It also doesn’t help this part of the film has blatant, unsubtle moralizing and cuts away from far more interesting plotlines that get much less development, particularly Rey training with Luke.

Ditching Kylo’s Motivation: In The Force Awakens, Kylo was motivated by a sort of misaimed admiration for his grandfather, where he viewed Vader as someone to emulate and who he looked to as he struggled between the light side and the dark side. All of this helped make him rather intriguing, as well as making him a very intentional Darth Vader clone character; his whole purpose was to emulate Vader, after all. All of this is ditched close to the start of The Last Jedi, and the Kylo in this film feels almost entirely different to the one seen previously. While I did like Kylo Ren a lot more in this movie, I wish they didn’t completely rewrite his character and ditch everything established in favor of what they did. It could have easily been worked into how he acted in the film.

Finn’s Diminished Importance: After being something of the star of the last film, complete with a noticeable character arc and a lot of focus, Finn kinda gets shafted here, relegated to a shitty, unnecessary sideplot that leads the heroes nowhere. It just seems really weird, though I’m not unhappy Rey got more focus and was fleshed out better.

Holdo: While I tend to view people who write her off as “The purple-haired feminist bitch” or “Captain SJW” as inferior human beings – and they are, seriously, if you unrironically say shit like this you’re a drooling nincompoop – I really can’t deny in the slightest that Holdo was written rather poorly. She really is a poor excuse for a captain, openly lying to her underlings and keeping things secret when explaining the plan would have effected nothing except her entire crew’s compliance. It almost feels like this plot was written so we’d be on Poe’s side, but it works a bit too well by making Holdo far too arrogant, stupid, and haughty to really get behind. If not for her awesome heroic sacrifice (one that might not have been needed in the first place if she’d been more honest but hey) I’d probably list her as one of the worst Star Wars characters ever… but a heroic sacrifice of this magnitude, no matter how unearned it may seem, never fails to impress me.

Killing Snoke: I can kinda see what they were going for, seeing as Palpatine as well was killed with very little revealed about him in The Last Jedi… but we have now had several years worth of canonical prequel material to flesh him out, and it’s honestly pretty stupid to assume you can pull off the same trick in a franchise twice and expect it to go off as well. Snoke was unflinchingly cool, creepy, and badass, so his bisection comes across as a waste of a truly intriguing villain. That there may be prequels detailing who he was do little to ease the sting of Andy Serkis being built up as the big bad only to be cut down. At least in Black Panther he got more substantial screentime; here, he’s s till cool, but it just feels like there is so much more he could have been.

Luke’s Attempted Murder: While overall I loved Luke’s characterization in this film and how it tied excellently into the theme of not deifying your heroes due to the trouble that can cause, it’s hard for me to rationalize Luke’s attempted murder of his own nephew, leading to Kylo Ren’s turn to the dark side. While Luke has always been a bit impulsive, this man believed he could redeem Darth Vader, AND DID SO. Need I remind you what Anakin did to those younglings? And yet his own nephew, he won’t give him the benefit of the doubt. Yes, he did stop himself, but the very fact he went in there lightsaber ready to cut down the child of his sister and his best friend just feels really jarring and out of place, even within his more cynical characterization.

Phasma: Phasma has come across as a forced Boba Fett replacement since The Force Awakens, to the point where in both films she has appeared in she has been completely and utterly outshined by mooks – Nines (AKA TR-8R) in TFA and the Praetorian Guard in this one. Despite her getting a ton of fascinating backstory and depth in canonical supplementary material, literally none of that is ever showcased even slightly in this film, and after a short, underwhelming fight scene, she apparently falls to her death. Sure, she COULD have survived, but this still feels like a rather big waste of the character. For someone they hyped up so much, the way she is handled really feels undignified.

Rey’s Parents: I’m not gonna lie, this reveal is stupid in and of itself, but the stupider thing is that a lot of people seem to be taking it at face value. When was it collectively decided we should trust the creepy, evil Sith lord who has made it perfectly clear he wants control over Rey? Why are we taking Kylo’s word that Rey’s parents were drunks who sold their kids as FACT? Honestly it just seems like a further ploy to manipulate her more than anything.

Reylo: While it isn’t canon as of yet, this movie really hammers in a bunch of hints for the obnoxiously popular ship between heroine Rey and antagonist Kylo Ren. And, quite frankly, I absolutely fucking hate this ship, but probably for a lot different reasons than most people. Do I think it’s shipping abuse? No, I don’t think it’s that any more than I think any other hero-villain ship is. Do I think Kylo doesn’t deserve to be redeemed by Rey? That’s not it either; the entire premise of this franchise is that any person can be redeemed. Kylo Ren is really no exception, though considering he killed my favorite character I’d be happy to see his ass beat. No, I hate it because I just absolutely hate the trope, if it even is one, of the hero redeeming the villain through romantic love. I feel like it would cheapen Rey’s character, and just turn the entire new trilogy into an overly long romantic drama. All the heavy-handed hints towards this pairing is just gag worthy, and frankly I’m going to be annoyed if they ruin both of these characters by going through with it.

Rose: Rose is without a doubt in my mind the worst character in the entire franchise. This seems like a rather tall order considering her competition, but consider this: her biggest contributions to the plot are the Canto Bright plotline, the absolute worst part of the film… and stopping Finn from performing a badass heroic sacrifice that might have saved the heroes a lot of trouble, delivering the stupidest line in Star Wars history, kissing Finn, and fainting. She’s just utterly pointless to the point she feels like someone’s OC from a fanfic where they get with Finn was slipped into the script.

Wasting DJ: So you get Benicio Del Toro, and you put him in your movie. Great so far, good. He does some weird accent and makes the character have a quirky personality, still good. You give him a very morally ambiguous personality and show the shades of grey in this idealistic universe that leans towards black vs. white most of the time, excellent, awesome! AND THEN… he betrays the heroes and vanishes from the film. What. DJ didn’t die, and he could come back… but he just feels shoehorned in and just doesn’t really reach his full potential whatsoever. He was such an interesting idea, and they just did the bare minimum with him.

Despite all of this crap, though… The Last Jedi still manages to be awesome. Holdo’s final sacrifice, the Kylo Ren and Rey fight against the Praetorian Guards, Yoda’s surprise appearance, Luke’s final battle… Hell, I even liked seeing Leia finally use the Force by flying through space with it; as cheesy as it is, it left me floored when I saw it in theaters. Then, of course, there’s that epic opening space battle… there’s just a lot to love here. In particular, my favorite moment is probably Luke becoming one with the Force. Maybe it’s not my MOST favorite moment, but it just feels so poignant and important, with his final moments mirroring the start of his journey, as he gazes into twin suns one last time before joining his teachers and father. It just… it gets to you, you know? I may have a LOT of issues with this movie, and a lot of stuff I didn’t really like in it, but more than any other movie I have so many issues with, I like and even RESPECT this film. You can say a lot of things about this movie, but one thing you can’t say is that it’s dull. It sparks discussion, and debate, and obnoxiously hyperbolic worst-everism. At the end of the day, whether it’s good or bad doesn’t really matter. The only thing that matters is that this film just… IS. And one way or another people will have something to say about it. Just don’t be a hyperbolic douche about it and try and enjoy things, you know?

#Star Wars #The Last Jedi #TLJ #CineMike #movies #sci-fi

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tkmedia · 3 years

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Have ‘morally reprehensible’ Italy peaked too early?

Get your views on Italy and much more in to [email protected]… Italy v Belgium I enjoyed both games of football last night but in particularly the Italy v Belgium game with so much attacking intent on both sides. What I do not understand is how Italy get away with so much, I guess I would call it cheating. It gets called gamesmanship or the dark arts but it amounts to the same thing. It was highlighted perfectly by the BBC commentators at half time and full time in relation to Immobile where, as ex-pros, they were all laughing and joking about his antics. Would this be the reaction if the game was against England? I suspect not. Many years ago, John Nicholson wrote an excellent article about a mate of his (probably a bass player or a drummer) who got away with things because of who he was and John likened this to Italian Football and the then Italian president Berlusconi. By John’s reasoning, Italy and their president got away with things that other countries/presidents couldn’t because it was expected of them. This still seems to be the case and they have almost become a parody of themselves. I have no affiliation with Spain but I do hope that they get past this highly skilful but morally reprehensible Italian team. Gwarrior (LCFC) Italy peaking Anything can happen in the semi against Spain, and I’m sure the best team will win, but is there anybody out there who still thinks Italy peaked too early? Dario (gutted for Spinazzola, he’s been immense) Club team Italy play like a really well drilled club team despite playing a very different game to the Italy I’ve always known (apart from excellent game management/dark arts). How does an international team do that? Aidan, Lfc (Based on my 1 game experience of watching Doku, and limited football knowledge, I confidently suggest Liverpool should sign him) Quick Euro thoughts… – Spain’s Pedri is an absolute talent, could easily see him becoming the talisman of Barcelona once Lionel Messi does leave – Switzerland did themselves proud and a few of their team put themselves forward for a potential summer move, Yan Sommer anyone? – Italy could just win this whole thing, really impressive blend of old style Italy and new style – Ciro Immobile with the finest acting since Luis Suarez against Norwich – Is Roberto Martinez actually a good manager because I just can’t tell – Jeremy Doku is going to be yet another player Rennes make an insane profit on in a short space of time Mikey, CFC Chip on England’s shoulder… I used to wonder why so many people dislike England during International tournaments. I now understand because I’ve joined the queue. It’s so frustrating and annoying to hear the English media seemingly proclaim England the best team in the world because of one victory…ONE VICTORY…against a team you all claimed were no longer the force they use to be. Suddenly, every other team has a deficit and only England is going from strength to strength… Really?…REALLY!!! The worst thing is you have been playing the worst football this tournament has seen(Yes it’s the worst. If you have the best attack in the tournament like you claim, you shouldn’t be parking your team’s aeroplane on the pitch). Nelson (I can’t wait for Ukraine to give you guys a thorough trashing so things can go back to normal.) Lagos. KDB When the pressure is on in the biggest games, the great players stand up and make a difference. Not for the first time, Kevin De Bruyne was nowhere to be seen when playing on the big stage. Jamie, Eire

Dropping Sterling… First off, let me begin by saying I am not a fan of Raheem Sterling. He wouldn’t be on my fantasy team and I can’t understand why Southgate likes him so much. However, he is the leading goal scorer for England in the tournament and seems to be on a hot patch. How does dropping him make any sense? What other team would drop their leading goal scorer going into an important game? I would drop Kane, who let’s be honest has been woeful. Was not his goal also a tap-in? Yet the bias media celebrated the goal like it was some magical work of art. For Spurs yes he is magic, for England he has been below par. This same media is debating whether to start Grealish, he is England’s best player. He changed the last game as soon as he came on. I do think England will have enough for Ukraine, but Denmark will be a tough battle and could be the end of the road for England. Christian Gooner – Toronto Sterling right of reply… Enjoyed the replies to my Sterling email, less so the comments baselessly calling me part of the ‘Brexit/boo the knee crew’ and suggesting my analysis of some relative weaknesses of a footballer is based on ‘hatred’ – inaccurate, weird and offensive, ‘Luxongo’ et al. Sterling is a very impressive man on and off the pitch and has suffered deplorable abuse of all kinds – but it doesn’t make him (or anyone else) above fair criticism of his standard of play, nor does it mean anyone criticising his play should be associated with that abuse. Still, it’s useful to know how people must feel when they are ‘no-platformed’. Anyway – some perfectly reasonable opposing opinions (and it’s ok to disagree – I think?), but I have to take issue with Rob saying ‘ You simply cannot choose “whatabouts” over “reality”’. It seems he’s essentially saying that if you win, no one should ask: ‘what if we changed this, would we be better?’. A main point of my email was that if you rest on your laurels and don’t go through that exercise, eventually you are likely to come unstuck, just as we did in 2018. If you go through it and the answer is ‘no, we’d be no better’ then fine, but don’t stick your fingers in your ears and sing la-la-la at the process. I like John G’s comparison to Linker and Greaves because Sterling has obviously done well to be in a position to score his goals. There’s plenty of merit in that view if the idea is that Sterling and Kane are an old fashioned front two with Sterling as the poacher, but is that really the way people think we’re playing and the main role people expect Sterling to play? The other problem is that in 1990 Lineker played in an XI with Beardsley, Waddle, Platt and Gascoigne. Not quite the seven defensive players we deployed in the last 16. If it wasn’t already a long email, I would have said yesterday that I’m more (but not completely) in favour of playing Sterling if we revert to an attacking four for the rest of the tournament, but in a 5-2-3 there is pressure on Sterling to create and, as Derek points out, we create a ‘paucity’ of chances with him as one of our attackers, with a number of promising scenarios breaking down as a result of his decision making and/or poor touch (something that’s pretty hard to prove or disprove with stats). Anyway, assuming Southgate persists with Sterling, obviously I hope I am proved wrong – it’s just that there’s a difference between what I hope and what I think. Shappo The real ambition in the tournament With the hands of time ticking inevitably towards another great sadly leaving the game, it’s clear that one man at the Euros is seizing the world stage to show that he’s ready to take over. In a match filled with stars, only one has stepped up to make it about them. No hesitation, confidence in spades – he’s stolen the show. Michael Oliver is clearly the next Mike Dean. Ryan, Bermuda (a normal human being would err on the side of a yellow and go to VAR, but never Oliver or the great Deano. Own those game-ruining mistakes I say!) Time for a Sin Bin? Football is an evolving sport. VAR is becoming less intrusive as we get used to it. But for me it is the acceptance of constant fouls that now needs addressed. Trips, pushes, niggles that stop the game and often stop real attacking opportunities, but are not bookable until about ten have been let go. So time for a 10 minute sin bin. A punishment that will impact on the game, give the perps a real disadvantage, and stop them doing it. The evidence is there from rugby. The ref warns then bins. It would make football a better game. Tim Haaland dreams… Imagine this: Haaland stays put in Dortmund this season. His goals output next season drops with Sancho’s departure. (Haaland’s father reportedly went “F**k…” upon hearing confirmation of Sancho’s transfer to Man U”.) Man U goes on a deeper run in CL say semi-finals… What are chances Haaland joins Man U next summer -to re-unite with the man that assisted the most for his goals, and with the man who coached him in the youth ranks? Many ifs, but one can dream… Lionel, Singapore Salzburg is in Germany? Hi there, I’m not taking issue with Lee’s general point about the BuLi being a less physical league , but Takumi Minamino signed for Liverpool from Austrian side Red Bull Salzburg. Austria hasn’t been a part of Germany since, well, some unpleasantness that is rarely discussed in the British tabloids, and certainly hasn’t been mentioned at all recently… Dara O’Reilly, London Souey Anyone who doesn’t have a man crush on Graeme Souness is made of stone. BB Read the full article

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margridarnauds · 6 years

Note

For the fandom ask meme you reblogged today: your top three favorite musicals

Thanks! This is super hard for me since I generally shuffle between favorite musicals all the time, but in no specific order:

1. Friedrich

my beautiful cinnamon roll too good for this world fave: Young!Fritz and Wilhelmine.

my trash-shit fave: Augustus and Voltaire. Like, yeah, they’re probably not the best influences on Fritz, but they’re FUN. And Voltaire is the last thing before The Pain.

my I love to hate them fave:GRUMBKOW. The moment when Fritz says it’s a good thing he died before he took the throne is one of my favorite moments because...I’m with you, Fritz. I’m with you.

my I hate to love them fave: One of my favorite things about this musical is that it was released to celebrate Fritz’s 300th birthday and yet it spends half the time calling him out. Old!Fritz has done some pretty despicable things for fame and glory but...it’s really hard to hate him and he’s such a grumpy old man (his most iconic moment probably being in his introduction where he swears to stay alive out of spite) that I still like him. Also,if you go with my very specific headcanon of Ghost!Katte not being Real!Katte, then he’d count, since even as he does everything he can to edge Fritz closer to death, he’s not...wrong? And he calls him out so beautifully.

my I wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire non-fave: Friedrich Wilhelm. Like, need I say more?

my I didn’t care about them either way at first but the fandom makes such a big deal about them now I can’t stand them non-fave: What fandom? Me, you, and a few people who came for the Fritz/Katte content? Or who I suckered into watching it?

my I could take them or leave them kinda non-fave: I can’t really think of anyone I’m that neutral on, tbh. The closest I can get is Orzelska, but in her case it’s more a mixture of being frustrated and annoyed by the plotline we got with her (FRITZ IS STRAIGHT. VERY STRAIGHT. LOOK. GIRL.) while acknowledging that she had potential rather than true apathy.

my I will go down with this ship and I won’t put my hands up and surrender, there will be no white flag above my door. I’m in love and always will be fave ship: Fritz/Katte

my dirtybadwrong fave ship: Augustus/Friedrich Wilhelm. It’s god awful and I’d be perfectly happy in a world where Friedrich Wilhelm dies loveless and alone, but...

my they’re cute together and I dig them but I’m not all that terribly invested kinda fave ship: Orzelska/Wilhelmine, though I’m not really sure “cute” is the dynamic I’d give them. I’m really intrigued by this dynamic (Fritz isn’t the only one in the family who likes music, after all!) But it’s also harder to map than Fritz/Katte since there’s less material for the two of them (The recurring problem with femslash in most fandoms, alas.) Like, I have a few ideas for what their dynamic would be like, but it’s hard. (Also, there will always be that one little historian voice in my head saying “It never happened!” which I usually quickly silence by reminding it that if the writers of the show decided Wilhelmine/Katte would work as a ship, I can make this one work.)

my I didn’t care about this ship either way at first but the fandom makes such a big deal about it now I can’t stand it non-fave ship: As per anything else, there isn’t really a fandom for Friedrich and what little there is seems to be sympatico with me as far as shipping?

my MAKE IT STOP non-fave ship: Orzelska/Fritz; Katte/Wilhelmine; Fritz/Death Coat

I had my debates about putting 1789 here because I spend most of my time talking shit about it, but let’s be honest here: I’ve spent a considerable period of my senior year with this musical; I have 50k words devoted to it in my Scrivener file, and it accidentally tugged me right back into the French Revolution. I talk shit about it, but I also love it for what I can do with it.

my beautiful cinnamon roll too good for this world fave: Olympe deserves the world. It’s such a good thing that in every. Single. Version. of the musical she survives. Every. One.

my trash-shit fave: Lazare de Peyrol has just. So much wrong with him as a character but he is also my son who has very skewed priorities and needs several good kicks in the pants to get him back on track and half my time is spent trying to get him on that track and the other half is me seeing how badly I can derail him. (Note: In the sequel to Ah, Ca Ira, he’s going to derail HARD.) Like, I have a playlist that’s just called “Peyrol NO” for him.

my I love to hate them fave: Charles d’Artois basically lives and breathes “love to hate.” I personally blame Miya Rurika’s performance because DAMN does that woman know how to play sleazy.There’s a reason why in the Modern!Disneyworld AU I have him getting stranded on It’s A Small World.

my I hate to love them fave: I told myself I wasn’t going to unreasonably project onto another human disaster after Bres took over my life, but no. I had to imprint on Lazare. Which would make more sense if he was given A SINGLE REDEEMING TRAIT IN CANON. Also, even though I have many ambiguous feelings about Danton, French!Danton (and, heck, Takarazuka Danton too) is just too much fun for me to entirely hate. I wouldn’t trust him to walk me home, but he’s fun to watch.

my I wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire non-fave: French!Ramard. One of the best things I think the Takarazuka cast did was shift the role of antagonist squarely onto Artois and relegated Ramard to comic relief, because him doing both was...unfortunate. He had all of Charles’ sleaziness, but none of the slickness, and it was all caked in terrible jokes (because harassing Olympe is hilarious, oui?) and double entendres and freaky furry conventions.

my I didn’t care about them either way at first but the fandom makes such a big deal about them now I can’t stand them non-fave: Not the fandom, since it’s the same essential problem as with Friedrich BUT the more the Takarazuka version tried to capitalize off Rose of Versailles by shoving Fersen in our faces, the more I hated the little heroic shit. Also, I can only like Ronan under very specific circumstances at this point. Namely, (1) He’s not in a relationship with Olympe, (2) They use the Takarazuka characterization because French!Ronan is unsettling, (3) Lazare doesn’t spend any more than 1/3 of his screentime doing moustache twirling villainy, especially related to Olympe, (4) His relationship with Solene is addressed, bonus if groveling is involved, and (5) You can’t easily substitute any of the One Direction cast for him with no major changes.

my I could take them or leave them kinda non-fave: Takarazuka!Ramard is cute, but other than that I don’t really have an opinion on him. It’s pretty telling that the only universe I currently have anything planned out for him and the Secret Police is the Zombie Apocalypse AU.

my I will go down with this ship and I won’t put my hands up and surrender, there will be no white flag above my door. I’m in love and always will be fave ship: Peyrol/Ronan; Olympe/Solene (I’m rapidly working my way towards understanding this dynamic courtesy of the one prompt you sent me and I’m really liking it.)

my dirtybadwrong fave ship: Charles/Fersen. I have no regrets. The Abomination has also given me lovely tidbits like The Marquis de Sade/Papa du Puget and like. I could go for it, but also no.

my they’re cute together and I dig them but I’m not all that terribly invested kinda fave ship: Camille/Ronan is cute and I can see it, but it’s not my thing. Likewise, Antoinette/Olympe. It’s sweet, there’s a sort of tragedy to it, but it’s one of those things that I ship more as a part of Olympe’s past rather than necessarily wanting a version where it worked out? Like, that was a part of Olympe, I think it helped her, but it’s not something I really *ship*.

my I didn’t care about this ship either way at first but the fandom makes such a big deal about it now I can’t stand it non-fave ship: I’ve read way too much bad Ronan/Olympe fic for me to ever like it, especially given the problems with that ship in general. And it’s not just the fanbase. It’s (allegedly) canon. Which is always hard for me to remember because I’ve created a very snug little canon for myself so I’ll routinely see them shipped together and be like “Ronan with his sister in law? Weird’ before. Remembering.

my MAKE IT STOP non-fave ship: Solene/Danton creeps me out, Charles/Olympe is a given; I once saw Danton/Lazare and NO

And, finally, Elisabeth.

my beautiful cinnamon roll too good for this world fave: This is a musical with very few cinammon roles, but Young!Sisi and Rudolf. Before.

my trash-shit fave: LUCHENI.

my I love to hate them fave: Again, probably Lucheni.

my I hate to love them fave: Der Tod speaks to my inherent weakness for morally ambiguous, vaguely otherworldly goth blonds.

my I wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire non-fave: Sophie.

my I didn’t care about them either way at first but the fandom makes such a big deal about them now I can’t stand them non-fave: No one that I can really think of?

my I could take them or leave them kinda non-fave: Franz Joseph. Depending on the actor, I can either like him or find him annoying. He’s mostly just...there. Pining. Then cheating. Then pining. I’m going to be really interested with the new Takarazuka Moon troupe production with Miya Rurika as Franz, since she’s sold everything I’ve seen her in so far and will probably manage to smash my heart into a thousand pieces.

my I will go down with this ship and I won’t put my hands up and surrender, there will be no white flag above my door. I’m in love and always will be fave ship: There’s nothing I really ship in this THAT strongly. Elisabeth/Death is a ship of mine, but it’s not one that I feel absolutely DIE HARD for. Like, with, say, Peyrol/Ronan or Olympe/Solene, I’m more or less monogamous with shipping them (Though with 1789, I can ship almost anything that isn’t the canon ships). I can toy with other concepts, but I can almost guarantee that I won’t write anything because I like the chemistry they’ve already got established. With Elisabeth/Death, though? Not as much. It’s very gothic, very romantic, and I get pissed off at every production that leaves her lying on the ground, but it’s also not my be all, end all for the two of them.

my dirtybadwrong fave ship: Death/Rudolf. Goddamit, I shouldn’t like it given that he’s been stalking Rudolf’s mom for years and he’s pretty obviously manipulating Rudolf to cause Elisabeth pain (though, as with anything, it can vary based on the production), but, at the same time...Die Schatten Werden Langer.

my they’re cute together and I dig them but I’m not all that terribly invested kinda fave ship: Franz/Elisabeth can be ADORABLE depending on the production (looking at the Korean in particular), but it’s also just...there. They could have been happy, they weren’t, and history knows the rest.

my I didn’t care about this ship either way at first but the fandom makes such a big deal about it now I can’t stand it non-fave ship: I ship pretty much all of the major ships, so I can’t really add anything here.

my MAKE IT STOP non-fave ship: I don’t think I really have any NOTPs in Elisabeth, to be honest? None that I’ve come across yet, at least.

#fallenidol-453

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pens-and-parchment · 7 years

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Hello bookworms! Today I’m doing my first (I think it’s my first??) book tag! I know this one’s a bit older and most people have done it already, but I feel like I have some unique opinions and really wanted to try it myself. Hopefully this won’t be boring for you guys!

I wasn’t actually tagged to do this, but I saw it most recently done by Book Princess Reviews, and loved it! So I took the liberty of just doing it myself, lol.

Here we go! You can click on the photos of each book to see their Goodreads page.

A Popular Book or Series that You Didn’t Like

Oh, how I just love to hate on a series that everyone else enjoys. Okay, that’s a bit harsh, since I didn’t actually hate this. I enjoyed the idea of the Zodiac planets and the people’s special characteristics, but the rest was one big flat-line for me. The main character was bland, the romance was an eye-roll, and I barely remember the rest. It’s probably not the most loved YA series, but more people seem to like it than I certainly did.

A Popular Book or Series that Everyone Else Seems to Hate but You Love

At the wee age of 13, I picked up Shadow and Bone, and fell in love—hard and fast. Ever since, my heart has belonged to the Grishaverse. It’s my home. I often see people complaining that the Grisha trilogy is not as good as Six of Crows, and a part of my soul shrivels up into a weak, dead thing. I definitely get why people don’t like this as much as SoC, but I can’t help mentally screaming, “THIS IS SUCH DISRESPECT FOR SUCH A BEAUTIFUL SERIES WHY DO YOU HURT ME LIKE THIS!!!” Moral of the story is: don’t criticize any part of the Grishaverse unless you want Mia to be very, very sad.

An OTP You Don’t Like

To be frank, I didn’t care for most of this series, so I can’t blame it all on the romance. But as this series progressed, I cared for Kestrel and Arin less and less. *Spoiler Alert!!!* It was really the sequel that ruined it for me, and the perpetual tension of “will-they-won’t-they-get-back-together.” I really do like romantic tension, but in moderation. This spanned the length of the entire book, until it became implausible and ridiculous. After that, Kestrel and Arin were just annoying to me.

A Popular Book Genre that You Hardly Reach For

Probably historical fiction! I actually LOVE historical fiction, but have only read a handful of books in that genre. If you have any historically-based faves, send those recs my way!

A Popular/Beloved Character that You Do Not Like

I’m actually going to choose a character duo for this: Hanna and Nik. Don’t get me wrong, I liked Hanna and Nik, and love this series to death!! But compared to Kady and Ezra, Hanna and Nik left something to be desired. They fit the standard YA protagonist archetypes, and I felt like I had read about many Hannas and Niks before. Kady and Ezra, on the other hand, are a little quirky and have much more stylized personalities, so I preferred them a bit more.

A Popular Author You Can’t Seem to Get Into

I read Me and Earl and the Dying Girl a couple girls ago and, to be perfectly honest, despised it. Even now, I think it’s my least favorite book I’ve ever read. The weird jokes, second-hand embarrassment, and lack of obvious plot just were not for me. Interestingly enough however, I actually saw Jesse Andrews at YALLFest and thought he was hilarious in real life! But something about his writing style and characters doesn’t appeal to me.

A Popular Book Trope You’re Tired of Seeing

This one also took a little bit of thinking, since there are quite a few tropes I don’t like. But the one I’m choosing to complain about highlight today is: fake deaths. So many books (and movies/TV shows) kill off an important, usually endearing character around the halfway point. I can ALWAYS, 100% OF THE TIME, tell when the character’s not actually dead. To me, it sticks out like a sore thumb in the plot. I’m not shocked or even sad, because I just know the character’s going to come back. Then it becomes an irritating wait until the person miraculously shows up again.

A Popular Series You Have No Interest in Reading

I’m sort of cheating with this category, cause I actually read the first five books in The Mortal Instruments. But I really only liked the first three books, and now there are so many spin-offs and novellas, that I can’t keep up. Cassandra Clare was not my favorite to begin with, and I don’t have the mental or emotional energy to catch up with so many books in the same series. So I definitely won’t be reading these anytime soon.

The Saying Goes, “The Book is Always Better Than the Movie,” but What Movie or TV Show Adaptation Do You Prefer More Than the Book?

This one is actually quite easy for me. The Twilight series is definitely not a favorite of mine, I preferred the movies to the books because the plots always had more action. I mean, that plot-twist-not-really-a-plot-twist at the end of Breaking Dawn Part 2 had us all screaming in the theaters, but it was also a great way of allowing the audience to experience the climactic battle scene we never got in the book. And across all the movies, they omitted my number one issue with the books: Bella’s dreadful narration.

And that’s it! I’m not going to tag anyone, since most of people have probably already done this tag, or something like it. But I had a fun time ranting about my favorite likes and dislikes, so I hope you all had a fun time reading!

Do you agree or disagree with any of my bookish opinions? What would you put for each of these categories?

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Unpopular Book Opinions Tag Hello bookworms! Today I'm doing my first (I think it's my first??) book tag! I know this one's a bit older and most people have done it already, but I feel like I have some unique opinions and really wanted to try it myself.

#bibliophile #book blog #books #bookworm #reading #YA literature

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cosmiciaria · 7 years

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Final Fantasy XII Zodiac Age Review (Spoiler Free!)

I'm terribly sorry, but I'm one of those who played FFXII for the first time this year.

Final Fantasy XII was actually the first game I ever got on my PS2, because the vendor recommended it to me, but alongside that game, I brought many others, including Final Fantasy X-2 (yes, not X, but X-2). By then, I didn't even know what Final Fantasy was, so I tried XII, didn't like the gameplay, got stuck after two hours and never touched it again.

After 2014, which was when I've played Final Fantasy X for the first time ever (yes, quite late) and fell in love with the franchise, I actually tried FFXII again, to see if I could manage beyond those first hours of story. It turns out, I managed, but got stuck again, at six hours, without being able to leave the dungeon where I was. I was quite underleveled and didn't have many resources to buy supplies, so I said 'screw it!' and never touched it once again.

I was really not fond of the gameplay. I was all about turn based combat, not this real-time-thingy-but-not-so-real-time. But when I saw that this game was coming completely upgraded for the PS4, and with the new gameplay mechanics from the International Zodiac Job System (which should be called Japanese ZJS, not International), I desperately wanted to play the game. I have a friend who wouldn't stop recommending it to me, and insisted even more when she knew about this new version. I had no excuses, so… yes, third time lucky!

I managed to play beyond those first six hours, and up until now, I've played over sixty hours, and there's plenty more. And I can say, what a good game! What a good Final Fantasy! How could I pass on this all these years?

I must start this (or… continue?) by saying that I'm completely, utterly, totally, overwhelmingly surprised. With two previous failed trials, I didn't have many expectations for the game in general. I only knew this was a Final Fantasy game, and it was going to have a guy called Cid, chocobos, magic, crystals and friendship and all that cheesiness. I did not expect a political conflict, I did not expect such a diversity of characters, I did not expect that much of a challenge. Guess what, I was wrong, of course! It is a Final Fantasy game after all, why would I doubt it?

Final Fantasy XII happens in the world of Ivalice, in the middle of a political turmoil. The Archadian Empire is engulfing everything in its stride, and pretends to claim the Rozarrian lands. In between these two behemoths (no pun intended) we have two small kingdoms, Nabradia and Dalmasca. The king of Dalmasca marries his daughter, Princess Ashe, to the prince of Nabradia, Rasler, thus sealing an alliance. Rasler will take the reins of this newly formed nation and fight the Archadian Empire back, who was trying to step on both their kingdoms to get to Rozarria. Overwhelmed by their power and strength, Rasler falls in battle (because it seems these people had no sense while designing their armors), and the Empire takes Nabradia and Dalmasca under its totalitarian wing.

Princess Ashe isn't oblivious to what's happening. The Empire kills her father and she, the only survivor of her dynasty, fakes her own death to fool Archadia. She starts working in the shadows, preparing a resistance, an insurgence, and waits for the right moment to reclaim her throne and her title.

Two years pass, and fate will bring together six very different characters: the aforementioned Princess Ashe, fighting to get back what's hers; Vaan, an orphan and thief, the so called main protagonist but is less protagonist than that chocobo over there; Penelo, who follows Vaan wherever he goes because, yes, they're friends; Basch, a forgotten soldier who lost everything, even his honor, in the war, but is willing to regain his dignity and to defend Dalmasca; Balthier, a sky pirate with whom I may've fallen in love SO HARD; and Fran, a very beautiful viera (a hybrid with bunny) who's Balthier partner in crime and senses the Mist and speaks in encrypted riddles.

These guys, who seemed to be taken out of a magician's top hat, will be accompanying Princess Ashe in her pursuit of regaining Dalmasca back, revisiting her ancestor's scattered hints across the globe to learn of a power beyond her comprehension. Along the way we'll MEET: many creatures; different landscapes; lots of tracking and backtracking and tracking again; lots of grinding, grinding, grinding, GRINDING; a very weird but crucially important stone called nethicite (of which I still don't understand much about); the almighty and solemnly mysterious MIST; giant bunnies; some guys with horns called 'garif'; some people who are always acolytes and when you see them from a close up you can learn they're actually white MONKEYS; beautiful and 'step on me senpai' BRITISH ACCENT; sky pirates and ships addressed as 'she'; summons who are not the summons we're accustomed, and the summons we are accustomed were put in the game as names of ships; violent chocobos; a thousand hunts; moogles everywhere doing everything and always in the right time for you; A GIANT ASS CRYSTAL WHICH DOESN'T HAVE A FRICKING MAP; Vaan asking stupid questions; Fran sensing the Mist and collapsing into Balthier's strong arms sorry not sorry; a twelve year old boy who acts and speaks better than all of us; and a ton crap of places to visit and maps to fill and dungeons to suffer through.

I'll be honest, the game has a lot of content compared to its predecessor in the PS2. FFXII feels like an open world but condensed into zones (because of the limitations of the hardware, of course). But it's, in fact, the closest thing we had to that genre, and it does it perfectly. There's always something to do besides the main story. There's a ton of optional bosses, of unlockable Espers, of spells and technics to find, of weapons to seek, of maps to explore. There are also many, many hunts available, which unlock new areas in previously visited places, and also some hidden fetch quests, which are a must for those looking for the platinum. The game still doesn't cease to amaze me with its content.

The gameplay might be a bit problematic at first, but you soon learn to grasp it. You basically can control any of the six party members, and set up the orders for the others to fulfill in a certain order. It seems hard to understand when the game explains it, but hey, if I could, then anyone can! The idea is to give priority to those orders which will save your character's life, and then make the appropriate combinations that suit you for fighting. These orders are called 'gambits', and they're the core of your gameplay. Better befriend them.

You also have 'License Boards'. These licenses 'authorize' you to learn certain ability, or to wield certain weapon. For instance, to wield Excalibur, you not only need to have the actual sword, but also the license for it. And so on, so on. It goes the same for spells and technics. You can buy them at shops or find them in chests across the dungeons. Just bear in mind that some of them are only attainable in certain parts of the game (COF COF, HOLY, ARDOR, FLARE) and won't respawn later if you don't get them on time.

In this Zodiac Age version, we get to choose two jobs for each character. Now, I recommend you search in Internet for the best combinations, for I've made many mistakes choosing those, and I'm in no position of giving any strategy to anyone. I'm just going to say that, if I ever replay this, I'll be having a White Mage/Knight character, and it'd be a badass paladin.

Dungeons can be a pain of the ass, and there's no shame, I repeat, there's no shame in looking for maps and guides. The Crystal has a great dungeon design, I won't deny it, but it can be really annoying and confusing to traverse. Pharos is also a great example of good dungeon crawling, but it can be really tiring with all its many, many floors.

(Oh, and in case you were wondering because you’ve already played this game, there are no more ‘forbidden chests’ and the Zodiac Spear is located in another place altogether. So don’t worry about opening whatever appears in front of you)

I can keep on talking about the gameplay and stuff, but I'm missing the most important thing here. What I liked the most about this game and what enthralled me so much, was the complexity of its characters. As I said before, I didn't expect many things. I didn't expect the characters to be morally grey. Ashe, who is the main driving force in the story, many a time doubts about the right path to follow, and blindingly falls into temptation. Gabranth, Basch's twin brother, has a divided loyalty, a complete devotion to his young master Larsa, and contradictory feelings about his brother. Balthier claims to be only there because of the treasure and the sky pirate spirit, but he soon gets on the personal race thing when his father appears on screen. All this, I've never seen it before in an FF game (maybe there was, but not in the ones I've played – that's a conversation for another day), and I was very glad to find that my characters weren't all on the heroes side. Speaking of heroes, our main villain might be the very first Final Fantasy villain I completely hate; he's not relatable, you can't sympathize with him in any moment, he kills his siblings because reasons, he's just bad because he wants to be bad. And also I hate him because I had to replay his battle three times before I finally defeated him. F*ck him.

So, overall, I really enjoyed this FF. With each game I play, I fall in love more and more with the franchise. I'm glad I've come back to this one after all those years. The story is mature, the cast of characters is adorable (except for Vaan, sorry) and the soundtrack is on point, with many memorable themes. If you haven't already played this game (like me), this is the moment to give it a shot. And if you're a die hard FFXII fan, just dive in and enjoy the same old ride, but in HD!

Final Fantasy XII is one of those stories which you've heard about but never actually experienced it. But once you do, there's no way in hell to let go of it.

#final fantasy xii #zodiac age #ffxii #ff12 #final fantasy 12 #videogame review #review #vaan #penelo #ashe #balthier #fran #square enix

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