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dreamlifebunny · 9 months

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hello bunny! I (ego, probably) find stay 'knowing myself' throughout the day as I tell myself I will observe the Ego's life with no attachment but in 2 minutes get swept up in my thoughts and identifying with them.

How do I separate my Self from ego and stop identifying with ego? and How do I believe that I am Self, 'I' need some proof, what do I do to get that? I'm so sorry if this has already been answered or repetitive.

hiiii, anon! c: no need to apologize at all, i completely understand the question and the struggle! this is a long answer, sorry it's late here and i have no idea how to be concise ever lol.

the biggest piece of advice i would give to you is to not beat yourself up for getting swept up in the thoughts. when we get swept away we can get frustrated with ourselves because we're like, "ughh i'm not doing this right, i have to start over, c'mon ego just do it correctly already!!" but the thing is, that is just how the ego is. it is acting the exact way it was intended to; the ego has endless thoughts, the ego worries, and the ego wants to beat you up for not getting it "right." but Self knows that that is the way the ego is and doesn't try to fight it! It accepts the ego as it is and simply lets it be. Self thinks that the ego is perfect simply because it "is;" it's perfect when its happy, it's perfect when it's sad, it's perfect when it has a thousand thoughts, it's perfect when it feels angry at itself. the ego/character you're playing right now, your Self created, and it is perfectly neutral and loving towards it ALL.

i used to be so confused when people would say, "just observe," because when i had thoughts i didn't like i would feel negatively and try to push the negative thought away or try to stop feeling the negative feeling. but what i learned was that instead of trying to change the thoughts, i can notice that i'm trying to change the thoughts. i can notice that i felt uncomfortable, then i can notice that the thought is sticking around, then i can notice that the feeling gets harder, then i can notice where the feeling is in my body, then i can notice that my awareness of where it is in my body has made me forget that i had a negative thought that i didn't like in the first place! it all falls away, because simply noticing helps you shift your awareness.

as ego, you will never run out of things to notice. that's why there are so many opportunities to practice not identifying with the ego! something you could try practicing for it to become more normal is taking time throughout your day to sit with yourself and truly pay attention, neutrally, to every single thought, feeling, and sensation that comes up. when i say neutrally, i don't mean NOT feeling negatively about things you're frustrated with or pushing down the feelings. the ego is going to feel frustrated, because that's how the ego feels. what i mean is, even if you get frustrated with yourself, NOTICE THAT TOO. "oh, i'm noticing that i'm feeling frustrated. that's okay!" it's all okay - have compassion and love towards EVERY feeling and thought that comes up, because they are all a creation of Self/God. i'll give you an example of the first time that i "got" it that will hopefully explain what i'm saying a little more. this was something close to my internal monologue:

alright. here we go. gonna notice some stuff as Self. i'm noticing my breathing. cool!

i'm noticing that i'm noticing my breathing now hehe. that's okay!

i'm noticing a feeling come up; ego wants to laugh because this feels funny to notice. that's okay!

i'm noticing that the feeling feels really warm in my body, it's pleasant. that's okay!

i'm noticing that i'm pretty hungry right now, actually... that's okay!

*drifts for a little while bcuz i was so hungry*

oh. i noticed that i just started drifting thinking about lunch. that's okay... wait, is that okay?

shit. i fucked up and drifted, ugh. that's not okay, why do i always drift so easily? *gets frustrated with myself*

wait, i didn't fuck up. i'm noticing that i was just frustrated with myself. okay. frustration, you are noticed. it's okay for the ego to be frustrated! that's okay!

i'm noticing now the peace that comes with simply allowing my ego to be the way it is. that's okay!

i'm noticing that i'm thinking about lunch again. that's okay!

maybe i should eat. what should i eat? (*drifting*)

ugh! i keep messing this up! (*frustrated*)

oh! i am noticing that the frustration is coming again, and i'm also noticing that i'm hungry. that's a sensation the ego is having. i am noticing it. that's okay!

does this make sense? everything that the ego does is perfect, it's acting as the way it always is - we as Self are simply here to observe it! it doesn't have to change its ways for you to become self-actualized; in fact, the ego cannot "become enlightened," the feeling of "enlightenment" only happens when the ego is left to just vibe and do its thing, without changing it. the ego is perfect to Self because no matter what, it is playing its role exactly as it was meant to. the ego wants to fight itself, but it doesn't need to fight itself, because it's doing exactly what it was designed to do. Self knows this! Self is able to take a step back and allow the yuckiness that the ego feels to just happen, because it knows that that yuckiness is a creation of Self. this is why people always say that Self is an expression of / feeling of pure love, because everything that the ego does is simply okay, it's allowed, it's perfect, it's loved by Self. it's pure acceptance, and what is more loving than that? i think it's also why people who are Christian say that "God's creations are perfect" because they were created by "Him" and "He makes no mistakes." it's the same thing with our true Selves and ego - the ego is a perfect creation of the Self, it doesn't need to beat itself up or get frustrated because it's not doing things properly. but if it does beat itself up or get frustrated, all you as Self have to do is say, "it's okay. i'm noticing you're frustrated. i'm observing this frustration. that's allowed, you're okay, you're perfect!"

you don't have to say "that's okay" every time you have a thought or sensation, either. i told myself the phrase "nothing i am conscious of is me" when i was trying this out. sometimes i tell myself, "that's allowed." sometimes i just notice and shift awareness without thinking anything and just witness. do whatever feels natural to you, that's what this whole process is about!

it might take time for you to get to this space where it feels constant. but that is okay! the biggest thing to remember with all of this is that it is all okay. you as the ego aren't doing anything wrong, you just need to observe when you do feel that you're doing something wrong and return to that lovely observing Self who knows everything is accepted.

another thing to keep in mind is that this might take practice, but it doesn't have to be an arduous journey. you know how starting a new habit can take a little bit of time before it becomes natural, and then all of a sudden you're remembering to take your meds at the same time every day or your posture is improved because you've reminded yourself enough times throughout the day? it's the same thing for detachment (or at least has been in my case). practice makes better, and holy fuck, we've gone our whole lives attached and identified with ego, so cut yourself some slack! <3 just take some time to return to your Self throughout the day, whether that's taking five minutes to practice the above "noticing" or even just noticing whenever you remember you're Self. whenever i suddenly realize i'm getting caught up in ego identification (which is quite often), i try not to beat myself up - have compassion for the sweet character you've known and identified with! they don't know any better. sometimes i greet my ego like an old friend, like "oh! hi ego! i'm noticing you now."

hopefully this makes sense - compassion and witnessing is the key, and truly with practice you'll come to find it's the simplest thing you've ever known to do. you've got this! <3

also, here is advice from this lovely anon, too!

#non dualism #nondualism #nonduality #non duality #lol have to get all those spaces in there #bunny's asks #bunny's originals

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symptoms-syndrome · 1 year

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1, 3, 5!

Thank you!

1. Do you have an inner world? If yes, is it something you consciously made? What is your inner world like?

Yes, kinda? And it's sort of in between. I had a sort of "inner world" type thing I would imagine myself in a lot as a kid/teen. It's not like how some other people describe inner worlds where it's like. A place parts hang out in, it's sort of like a daydream. A mental safe space. It's a big big willow tree with some rooms inside, mostly a big foyer with a fireplace and comfy chairs. Tardis-esque in like. Inside vs outside size. It's also got sort of a moat around it, between the trunk and where the willow branches reach the floor, with clear, cool water.

And in therapy, my therapist suggested I create a "meeting room" and a "safe space," so I already had the safe space down. The "meeting room" is based on a classic diner I used to go to a lot, with booths and a counter. Like the kind that look like they're in an old train car. Like this:

But more blue/teal. I was sort of intimidated by the idea of a "meeting room" because something like a conference table makes me feel like I'm in trouble. A diner is more friendly because parts can be in the same place but still have their own space. Like they don't need to all be around the same table and that's less intimidating. It feels less like a forced meeting.

The first time I used it Aslan just colored on the paper placemats while Tomas (who was the one like. In front during that session) sat with him. I haven't really used it in therapy for any actual meetings yet, I think it takes getting used to first.

3. Do you experience your disorder as overt or covert? What does that mean to you?

It's hard to say mostly because it's hard to isolate one of my disorders when talking about how I'm perceived. I generally say overt just because I'm noticably mentally ill, but it's not like people generally go "oh DID." When I told my friends about it though they did say that it made my behavior make more sense.

Though I have had two therapists at this point tell me they were genuinely astonished that I hadn't been diagnosed earlier. Apparently I am very visibly DID to clinicians. I don't really know what that means.

I am like. Very secretive about my actual diagnosis of DID IRL/everywhere except here and with my closest friends. I don't generally announce parts or switches or anything, I think my friends just know that they need to remind me of things more often and that I can act really differently at times/have different opinions on things (like food, which could be relevant to a hangout) so they ask about that kind of thing more often than I think they would for someone without my condition.

TLDR overtly mentally ill but try not to make a big deal about it.

5. Are there parts that are more able to communicate with each other than others?

Definitely. I call one group of parts (of which I am a part of, no pun intended) the "raspberry" because we're like. Parts that make up a bigger thing. Like the little cells of a raspberry. Even among the raspberry there's slightly varied levels of communication, but generally we're able to communicate with each other about some things. Outside the raspberry is definitely harder. There's some parts that have very clear communication only when they want to and are hard to reach otherwise, some parts that seemingly send one-way messages, and some parts that are totally or almost totally isolated. Or maybe just don't want to talk. Hard to tell.

#asks #ask game

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lbhslefttiddie · 1 year

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Could you talk a bit about how you plan out your longer fanfics? I’ve have a long fic I’ve been wanting to write, but I’m not sure how to plan/outline it, and I’d love to hear what your process is!!!

Mouse and the Thorn and Into This Wild Abyss had some very different things going on in the planning stage—it really came down to what kind of story i was telling and what was important for executing that!

(longish sowwy)

ITWA, from the moment i conceived it, revolved around sqq going through a largely preordained plot, and so i created a longass bullet list of all the major plot points and moved them around into the general order i felt it was best for them to happen. I generally kept the points brief and without flavour, lest it mess with the writing of the scene itself or I get bored of it before i even start. There was some variance in the writing stage, partially because i (cough) forgot to add several plot points in the originally planned spaces (see: xin mo), and partially because that's just sort of how it goes when you're actually feeling out a chapter, but the outline was like a guide that i would be able to pull back towards if i strayed too far, and allowed me to keep the end destination in mind, and keep track of important details. All told, the core aspects laid out in the outline didn't change much in the finished product. Frankly, it was huge relief to have that outline!! It definitely saved my ass many times. Truly a revelatory experience for me.

MotT, on the other hand, doesn't so much have a hard plot—lbh is currently 13 years old, before even the beginning of scum villain, so even the plot that comes built into this universe is a very distant thing. We basically just have a core cast of a few inextricably connected characters who are constantly influencing each other, and the "plot" is really just who is going through what character arc at this particular point in time.

Trying to create an outline would, to me, feel horribly rigid, when a lot of flexibility is necessary for something like this. Instead, i have a handful of cool scenes in my head, a general sense for where each character is at and where they're going, and it's just a matter of passing the mic around in a way that feels balanced for whatever arc we're in.

............It's worth mentioning that the way i've written/am writing MotT, while i think is for the best for this project, is also way fucking harder than how ITWA was planned and written. I've mentioned this before in passing i think, but on multiple occasions, i'll have written entire scenes out, and then need to push them back or move them around way more than anticipated because Something Else Needs To Happen First. (this also reflects in my art; the files are listed by date rather than chapter, and so some clusters of art are actually in backwards order--i did the art for what became ch 16 before 15, and 15 before 14)

It's not necessarily a problem, and I'm certainly enjoying myself, but this messy and fluid way of putting a story together straight up would not be possible if i did not already have a solid sense for pacing and balancing emotional elements. I'm absolutely certain that even a few years ago i would not have had the skill to write this fic without writing myself into a corner or rushing everything in a forced way or losing something important to the core of the story; i would go so far as to say this story is only possible because I wrote ITWA first.

I definitely would not recommend this strategy for your first longfic, personally. obviously, do what feels right for yourself, etc, and at the end of the day you should never let concerns of skill or experience stop you from writing the stories you want, but i think this process could, uh. Cause headaches. If you're out of your depth

#asks #beyond the plotting and pacing aspect mott is also generally a more difficult story to write in terms of character nuance #like its easy to say that someone else is not writing sj with the complexity his character truly merits #but i think this sentiment does not give enough credit to how fucking difficult it is to write a character like this #looking unflinchingly at the worst parts of someone and still finding ways to portray them as loveable #showing the tender and tragic and wronged parts of someone without making it into an excuse #becoming a better person when you're all twisted up and wrong inside is not an easy or pleasant thing #for him OR me (who has to drag him there kicking and screaming)#its like being locked in eternal combat with someone you hopelessly desperately love #wow sorry thats quite the aside #i have a lot to say about mott because there's a LOT going on in the background for that motherfucker #also considering where we're at so far and how long it is already #i suspect mott is going to end up being longer than itwa #............very possibly a LOT longer

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nokingsonlyfooles · 10 months

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If ChatGPT knows it, you can just look it up!

ChatGPT is not capable of innovation or thought, it predicts what words come after other words based on a prompt and search data. If it can pass an exam or produce a paper that you can't immediately identify as AI created, the assignment requires nothing but repeating things we already know. And, ya know what, if a teacher can't tell the difference between mindless repetition and human thought, ChatGPT can grade the assignments too!

In fact, yes, there are AI detecting apps that teachers and students are using to make sure their writing looks human enough - as graded by a computer! (No! The apps can't tell the difference between mindless repetition and human thought with much accuracy either!)

We already know a student can memorize something well enough to pass an exam, and within a semester or so, everything that they're not using will be gone. If they need it, all they have to know how to do is recognize that they need it, and have the critical thinking skills to find accurate information when they look it up.

Real life will not gauge your efficacy based on whether you memorized something or not. We're decades past being able to access basic information on demand - and we do remember what we need on a daily basis, such as whatever the hell we're using to do our jobs.

What is college for? We need to stop vacillating about what college is for. It's very good at sorting people by their privileges, and not very good at teaching them information that they use and retain. So what are we trying to do with these expensive institutions of higher learning?

Teachers are trying to fix the AI problem by requiring handwritten answers - meaning your grade depends on navigating an artificial situation where you have to answer a question with no research tools in a short time, in a curated space that may not be very accessible. This is ableist! If you have poor fine motor skills or difficulty reading or spelling (like me!) or if you need a friendlier space, you will not do as well with a pencil, a bluebook, a tiny desk in a lecture hall, and a stopwatch. (I sure as heck didn't!) And, of course, if you dare to assert that you need accommodation, you're going to have to prove you're not faking it to cheat.

College is already very difficult to navigate with a disability, are we cool with making it even harder? If college is a place for sorting people by their privileges, the answer is yes!

The very first colleges were student run. They got together and decided they wanted to learn a thing, and they hired a guy. They graded him (Yeah, probably not many women and minorities with education privileges at the time, so "him") based on the quality of the information and teaching ability. If the students felt they weren't learning something of value, the teacher didn't get paid.

That wasn't an ideal situation either - it's steeped in the privilege of having enough leisure time and money to pay for an education from someone privileged enough to be known for their skill. But we have come to a place where the students are jumping through hoops to prove themselves worthy of a piece of paper they might be able to trade for enough money to live, and it makes no difference at all whether they retain any of the information they're required to memorize. That is not even peripherally about learning a thing. Why not let an AI do it for them, so they can go learn something of value? (Even if it's just how to make a bong out of a soda can. I mean, that has social and practical utility.)

So are we going to make that even worse, or fix it? Article says: MAKE IT WORSE! YAY!

#college #university #education #chatgpt #ai writing #machine learning #ableism #remember bluebooks? they're baaaaack

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reikunrei · 1 year

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the more i think about it, the less i think i want Will to have any powers at all...

like, just thinking about it in relation to his character, and also to El's, and to Vecna/Henward and the story as a whole... i find it harder and harder to place Will having powers into it?

like... he is an extremely non-violent character, and while his powers don't necessarily have to be like that of El or Henry which involve violence sometimes, i just... have trouble imagining what else they could take the form of. (which is just on me more than anything, but still.) the only thing i can really think of that would make everything come full circle is "casting" a protection "spell" like he almost did in season 1 in their campaign. but imo that wouldn't even require him to have any real "powers."

i'm just a total sucker for "he uses his sense of love, kindness, and understanding to save the day." like he doesn't use any sort of magical/psychic powers, but his steadfast love protects him and his friends from harm; they create an "armor" that Vecna can't break through. (kind of like It, how the Losers weaken It by basically laughing in its face and not letting the fear take over. i'm in the middle of reading It rn so i don't remember exactly how it all works lmao sorry)

and again to go back to his non-violent nature, he's a smart kid. he doesn't need brawn to fight back. he can run, he can hide, he can outsmart the bad guy.

and that leads me into how this relates to El and Vecna: i feel like it would be fitting for both of them to learn they're not "superior" just because they have their abilities. like, for the sake of El, she doesn't need to have powers to be powerful, to be a "superhero" if she wants to be one from time to time, she can just be herself, and that alone makes her worthy of love and praise. and Vecna doesn't belong on his high horse just because he has these powers; they don't make him better than anyone else. and he needs to understand that he is just like everyone else, and someone simply holding out a helping hand is all he needs. and i feel like Will should be that person. Vecna's true opponent isn't someone who's on his level, like El, imo. his true opponent and the one who will really change him is someone who is simply kind to him.

and isn't that what the whole story is about? about being kind to each other and accepting each other, no matter the differences or the grievances? people do bad things sometimes, but it's always better to try and understand them rather than simply condemning them to death. life is messy, we're all human, we make mistakes, and we simply have to learn to grow from them.

now, I’ve seen plenty of "Will with powers" theories and the ideas of what they might be, and I’m not opposed to it at all, bc I trust they’ll be handled in a way that’s good both for him and for the story. earlier i even mentioned the "outsmarting the bad guy" discussion that he and Joyce have in season 1, and he says there that he needs the fireballs because sometimes the bad guys are smart, too. cool! maybe Will has some sort of power involving light and fire, which would work thematically with the interactions with the lights (maybe Will was the the one who made that happen and it isn't something default to the UD) and the constant connections between Will and sunlight.

but again... does that mean he has to have actual powers? or is Will, himself, the "light"? is Will and his kind nature all that they need to break through to Henry and Edward? we've already been shown that physical violence will not work against Vecna. he was turned into a flaming slice of swiss cheese and he still got up and walked away. we’ve even been shown that he can’t be defeated by psychic abilities, since the main timeline(s) we see don’t result in his actual death in HNL, so why would Will need psychic abilities to defeat him?

idk i just... think it's interesting and i'm curious to see where it goes. because while it could and would make sense for him to have powers of some kind, i feel like it would also be extremely satisfying if his "power" was simply being himself: a kind, sensitive, and simple boy who just wants to find love and happiness. like, if his arc is about learning he's allowed to want love, and he's deserving of love, then why not have him extend that to Vecna?

in short, i think a lot of my thoughts and questions about it boils down to: what does it bring to the story as a whole? what makes it necessary that he have powers like El and Henry? what kind of message does it send to the audience? what is the purpose?

#ramble ramble ramble idk if I’m making any sense!!!#ive just been thinking about this a lot lately and had to put my thoughts out into words #i say things #will byers #stranger things #watch me come back and edit this 5000 times throughout the day as i remember more things that change my opinion #bc that always fucking happens lmao #also thinking about hxh ‘gon. you are light. sometimes it’s so bright I have to look away’

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catzula · 4 years

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Seven stages of falling in love.

Synopsis: You're afraid of needles and Bakugou is not the most suitable person that should be handling your shots for seven days.

Pairing: bakugou x reader

Warnings: cursing, I have no idea how long it is since it's written on my phone this time, probably a lot of errors

Genre: fluff, some tiny bit angst but a happy ending so no worries

A/N: I was on a 9-hour road trip and wrote this to keep me sane.

BTW 50 followers yaay!

Day 1

"What do you mean I need to get antibiotic shots for a week?!" You exclaimed, refusing to believe what you just heard. It was just a sore throat, or so you had thought. You never liked doctors, so you rarely saw one, but when your 'sore throat' lasted for a whole month, your friends literally forced you to go see one.

You knew it wasn't anything important, but maybe it would help to get a home rest for a day or two, giving you a little more time to binge anime study for that one exam that was coming up.

All your hopes and dreams died when you;

a) didn't get to have any home rest, cause apparently, you didn't have to stay home for a sore throat,

b) had to get shots for a week?!

This was why you hated doctors! You went in for a sore throat, hoping to get a home rest, and got what? A week of-

"It means what I just said." The doctor answered your question gruffly, making you send him a questioning look. Weren't the doctors supposed to be all nice and smiley? This one sure wasn't.

"I don't want to!" You whined, "Isn't there a pill or something I could take?" He sent you a look that could only mean, are you dumb or something?

But you couldn't care less about what he thought about you, though he was one of the most handsome men you had ever seen, all you were thinking about was doing whatever you could to not get any shots. "Is there no other way?" You asked, once again. This caused him to sigh loudly, turning his red eyes once again on you.

"No. You'll come here every day for a week to get shots, no pills, no nothing. Okay?" The harsh tone of his voice sent chills through your body, blood-red eyes of his made you wonder if they were real. "I- uh... Yeah, okay." You told him, feeling a little intimidated, though you wouldn't admit it if it killed you.

He turned his back to you while he prepared the syringe, giving you the perfect chance to look at him without being crushed under his crimson gaze.

His shoulders were so wide and his waist so narrow, it created the perfect triangle. You could see his the muscles of his arms flexing with every move, you almost felt unable to take your eyes off of his arms. But what stood out the most was his ash blonde, spiky hair. It defied the gravity in a way you had never seen before, and you just wanted to run your fingers through them, wondering if they were as hard as they looked.

He turned his face to you, you knew he noticed you staring, you could see that by the smirk he sent you, though he didn't comment on it.

You took deep breaths in, trying to calm yourself, though you could feel the blood draining from your face, your hands shaking ever so slightly. His brows furrowed, a look of slight frustration on his face. "You okay?"

You gulped, biting your lip. "I- I'm just..." you didn't want to admit you were scared of needles, not to him, but he did it for you. "You're scared."

You shrugged, still not admitting but not denying either. "You could say I'm not a fan." He rolled his eyes, looking at you as you were dumb. "Nobody is a fan." You could swear you heard him mumble, dumbass under his breath.

He pressed the base of the syringe slightly, testing it, not noticing or simply ignoring the look you had sent him. He rubbed alcohol on your arm, bringing the syringe closer. He was about to stick it when you couldn't stop yourself and gripped his wrist with all your might. Your hand couldn't wrap his wrist at all, and he could have ripped it free so easily, though he didn't.

"What the-"

"Wait!" You told him, not aware of what you were doing, your fear taking over. "Please don't? I don't- don't want... it."

"Come on, it doesn't hurt that much." He told you, feeling his frustration growing bigger with every second that past. He was Bakugou Katsuki, for fucks sake, he wasn't supposed to deal with little girls afraid of needles.

He was the number one of his class, he always was. He decided he wanted to be a doctor and save lives when he was so little, and he always had that dream in him. He worked so hard to achieve that, and now he was spending his summer as an intern in the best hospital of Japan, the hospital he always wanted to work at.

But this wasn't it! Ever since he started, they gave him small, insignificant things to do, like check-ups he was doing now. Sore throat? Who did they think he was, making him check sore throats and runny noses?

He felt so frustrated, he didn't notice you trembling like a leaf under his touch. Your eyes were so wide open, filled with pure fear, your under lip trembling, your hands gripped his wrist like it was your lifeline.

"I'm sorry-" you told him. "I just can't... can't stand needles."

He sighed, though he could feel his frustration disappearing slightly.

"That's fine, I guess." He told you, earning a hopeful glance from you. "Just look at me, nowhere else." That wasn't hard, was it? You couldn't take your eyes off of him anyways. You locked your eyes with his, noticing how oddly soothing his hard toned voice was.

"Listen to me, okay?" He told you. "My name's Bakugou. I went to UA Medical school, and this is my third year, 'm an intern here." You never would have guessed he was that young, only a year older than you, and he went to one of the hardest universities in Japan?

You never once looked away from his eyes, trying to forget the sharp object that was about to enter your skin. When he asked about you, you gulped, you were about to send a small glance at your arm, the one he was holding, but he gripped your chin with his free hand, not letting you look anywhere else, but his eyes.

"I- I'm Y/N." You whispered. "I'm going to ****, and I'm a second year." He nodded, and you smiled weakly.

"That's cool." He told you, "though not cooler than the fact that I finished your shot almost two minutes ago." A smug grin was now curving his lips.

"You what?!" You exclaimed, you looked at your arm, which now had a small band-aid. "You- you... how did you do that?" You asked him, smiling uncontrollably.

"A doctor never reveals his secrets." He told you, though you saw he had a small smile too.

You took your bag and coat, about to exit the room when you sent a small glance his way. "Thank you, doctor Bakugou. " You told him, earning a surprised look from him.

Nobody had ever thanked him this way before.

Day 2

"Hi," you stood at the door, not sure whether you should enter or just stay there.

"Why the hell are you standing there?" He asked you roughly. "Oh, uh, sorry." He shrugged, sipping his coffee. You could tell by the smell that it was pure poison, or in other words, espresso.

"Don't apologize and sit down already."

You sat down, feeling uncomfortable, though you weren't sure why. Maybe it was because you showed him your vulnerable side the day before? You weren't sure.

Your eyes wandered over his figure, he looked as handsome as he was the first time you saw him, or maybe even more? It shouldn't be allowed to be so handsome, you thought. And why did that white coat look so good on him?

Though he was aware of you watching his every move, he didn't want to say anything about it since he could feel your growing panic as he walked towards you with the syringe in his hands.

"We're doing it as we did it yesterday. "He told you, "You're looking at me, and me only." He smirked when he saw you nodding. "Good."

"Now, tell me, what are you studying?" He shook his head, genuinely looked interested as he listened you blabbering. "Why are you doing this?" You asked him. "Is it for the money?"

He shrugged, though he had a smirk on. "I'll tell you about that another day since you're good to go."

"No way!" You told him, looking at your arm, which was once again already stung, cleaned, and stuck with a cute little band-aid.

"You're the best. " You told him as you giggled, still not over the fact that he already gave you two shots without you even noticing.

"Of course I'm the fucking best." He told you, making you giggle once again. "Not sure you should be using that language around your patients, Doctor Bakugou."

He made a tch noise, turning his back to you. "Whatever, go complain to the administration or something." His voice was harder than you had ever heard from him, though to his surprise, you giggled as you walked to the door.

"Of course I'm not going to do that," you told him, smiling sweetly. "Don't expect me to complain about my favorite doctor."

With that, you left the room, leaving Bakugou once again struck with shock. Nobody ever told him he was their favorite doctor, on the contrary, people loved to complain about his angry behavior and foul mouth.

And though he would never accept it, he smiled ever so slightly, noticing a warm feeling spreading to his chest.

Day 3

"Hey, doctor." You entered the room, a big smile on your face that you didn't seem to have any control over.

"Hey." He answered, making you surprised. This was the first time he said 'hey' back. "I noticed you changed our appointment hours." It used to be in the morning but you had learned just today that he changed it to 13:00.

"Yeah." He answered, looking a little uncomfortable. "Why?" You asked further, but your eyes widened a little when you noticed his cheeks had a pink tint to them. "I fucking wanted to, okay?"

"Okay," you told him, laughingly. "I was just curious, you know?"

Nope, you weren't just curious. You wanted to know if it was because he had a date or something, and even though that didn't make any sense at all, you just couldn't help yourself.

What he didn't tell you was that he did change your appointments because of a girl, you. He switched your appointment to right before his lunch break so he could spend a little more time with you, though he couldn't even admit that himself.

"Don't be." He answered as you sat down. This time he had prepared the syringes before you came so that you wouldn't get anxious as he prepared them in front of you.

"That looks like a nice book." He told you as he rubbed your arm with alcohol. You were so stressed that you couldn't even understand what book he was referring to, not aware that you were holding the book in your hands for your dear life. "It's my favorite book." You answered, not looking away from his eyes. You could swear you saw his eyes in your dream last night.

"What's it about?" He asked, once again, looking genuinely interested. You loved talking about books, so much that people would sometimes ask you to stop. But he looked so interested, like he was actually listening, not because he had to, but he wanted to, you couldn't stop.

You started talking about this book, jumping to talk about another, then another. He joined you some time, you weren't really sure when. You started to talk about your favorite books, you talked about his favorite book, argued on one book that he liked, but you hated, did the same with a book you loved, and he didn't.

The conversation lasted so long, and you wouldn't have stopped if your phone hadn't ringed. "Oh, fuck." You mumbled under your breath, realizing you were in there for at least an hour and a half. "I'm so sorry, I lost control!" You told him, laughing nervously. Did you bore him to death?

"It's okay, I guess." He told you, his hand scratching the back of his neck. "You do talk too fucking much, but it wasn't necessarily bad. And it was actually my lunch break, so I won't get in trouble or shit."

"Oh, okay." You answered smiling once again. "I guess, I owe you lunch now."

You exited his room before you let him answer, you were afraid he was going to tell you to fuck off or something, though you had never thought he would agree, he was about to do just that before you sprinted out the room.

He realized only minutes after you exited that you left your 'favorite book' behind, only for him to read it.

Day 4

"Instant noodles?" He asked you, with a look on his face you couldn't quite interpret. It resembled something along the lines of trying to hold his laughter in and thinking you were the dumbest person on the earth.

"I did owe you lunch, you know." You told him.

"Yeah, I know, but I thought you meant something like a bagel or some shit, somewhere outside the hospital."

Thinking back, maybe instant noodles were a bad idea.

"How about tomorrow?" You asked. He shrugged, "Fine, whatever." He looked indifferent, but his pink-tinted cheeks told you he wasn't.

He shrugged, you noticed he did this a lot when he was uncomfortable, you also noticed how fast your heartbeat was every day you entered this room, and not because of the needles.

You noticed how, since the first day, you woke up feeling excited about seeing him. Thinking about what you were going to talk about that day, as you go about your day when something happened, you found yourself thinking about telling it to him the next day.

You noticed how your heart clenched, a dreadful feeling in your stomach, when you thought about the week was coming to an end.

You noticed you were starting to... fall in love with him.

You talked about this to your friends too, and they were more than aware of how your eyes glistened when you talked about him, how you smiled unintentionally.

And the problem was, that he was also aware of all these too. He saw how you looked at him, and he wasn't dumb, he knew what these meant, as well as the tightening in his chest.

You weren't the only one, waking up, excited to see each other. When Denki said something dumb, he thought about telling it to you the next day, he thought about what he could talk about with you to soothe you the next time you gripped his wrist, asking him to stop with teary eyes, he never ever wanted to see you looking that afraid ever again. Hell, he even looked at wikihow, how to calm someone down when they feel afraid, and he was about to be a doctor for God's sake.

It was scary for him, to be this vulnerable for someone, to care so much in such little time, such a foreign feeling taking over his sensible part.

He was about to say something else when he noticed your knee and the very poorly wrapped bandage over it, you had 'wrapped' the bandage like a shoelace and he never in his life saw something so horrible. He sent you a look that made your cheeks all red.

"What the fuck is this?" He asked you, opening the bandage in one quick motion. "Oh, I fell yesterday, nothing too serious."

"You dumbass," Bakugou mumbled as he looked at the wound closely. "Didn't you even clean it?" He asked angrily.

"I did!" You told him. "I mean, I tried to. But it hurts when I touch it..." He rolled his eyes as he took some stuff from the drawers. "Are you afraid of these too?" He asked sarcastically, not expecting an answer, but you did anyway.

"No." You answered as you pouted. "Just needles." He shook his head as he laughed softly. "And trees at night." You mumbled and he froze.

"You have to be kidding me!" He told you, he wasn't even treating the wound anymore, but just looking at you like he waited for you to say you were joking.

"Hey! You have to admit they have a scary side to them!"

"Trees at night?"

"Don’t laugh." You pouted. "They look all shadowy and like... they have long arms, open wide like they're about to catch you and never let you go."

"Oh my God," he groaned as he went on cleaning your wound. "That’s the dumbest thing I've heard." Though he thought it was the most adorable thing he heard too. A girl afraid of needles and trees at night.

The wound stung a little, but you didn't even feel it, you were thinking deeply about wanting to touch his hair. When he finished, your knee was wrapped nicely, and it didn't even hurt anymore.

"So, you never told me why you wanted to become a doctor." You told him as you recalled your chat the first day.

"Thought you would forget about that." He told you as you laughed. "Never."

"I wanted to save people, ever since I was a kid, I wanted to be a... hero, I guess." He told you, not even sure why he was telling you such a personal thing when almost no one knew this about him.

You couldn't stop the words tumbling down your lips. "I don't know about other people, but you're my hero."

Oh, shit. Your words led to a very awkward silence, and you thought you probably shouldn't have said that, though you meant every word.

"Thank you for that." He mumbled finally, causing your head to snap up and lock your eyes with his. You didn't expect him to thank you, at all, but now you just couldn't stop grinning.

"I feel like I'm getting over my fear." You said as you looked at the band-aid on your arm, the band-aid which, once again, miraculously appeared there. There was no way he could give you a shot, clean the small wound, and put a band-aid without you noticing at all! He was either a magician or you were in too deep.

"Yeah, seems like it." He told you, though he wasn't very enthusiastic about it.

You both ate your instant noodles in silence, I'm telling you, it's a bad idea to eat instant noodles with your crush, especially if its the first time you're eating together, and you just didn't know why his presence felt so distant and so awkward all of a sudden.

After you finished your noodles, oh my God why did that last that long? you grabbed your stuff, feeling a weird tug in your chest. "I think I should go."

His crimson eyes found yours, but you had no idea what he was thinking. "Okay."

"See you tomorrow?" You asked, but a grunt was your only answer.

Day 5

"What do you mean Doctor Bakugou has another patient?" You asked the receptionist. She looked at you like you were dumb. "He isn't available at the moment, miss. Doctor Kirishima will be looking after you today."

You didn't know who Kirishima was, but you knew you didn't want him to handle you.

"Can I maybe come later? When he's available?" You asked with the last piece of hope left in you. "I'm sorry, miss." She answered by not actually answering. You sighed as you looked at the red-haired man watching you with a smile. He looked like a nice guy, but he wasn't the reason you were here.

***

"Wow, " Kirishima rubbed his temples as he took a so from his coffee. "One patient really pushed me today."

"What?" Bakugou asked, his voice so stern, Kirishima's eyes narrowed as he looked at his friend. He was really moody lately, and Kirishima wasn't sure why.

"I had this one girl, apparently she was afraid of needles." Suddenly Bakugou's hand was gripping the glass he was holding it a little too hard. "I tried to convince her that it wasn't going to hurt, but she was crying so hard I don't think she even heard me."

"She was crying?" Bakugou's voice was nothing more than a whisper, he could feel how fast his heart was beating, and how tight the grip on his chest was. Kirishima had never seen his friend worry over someone, and he never thought he would either, but today he could sense something was up. "Well, yeah. Really hard. But it wasn't the crying that got me but more like... She was so afraid, genuinely terrified. Even after the whole thing, she kept looking at her arm and still looked scared."

Bakugou looked away, he didn't want to hear this anymore. "That must be tough."

Kirishima shrugged. "I felt bad."

That day, Bakugou left the hospital with an ache in his chest.

Day 6

You didn't want to go back to the hospital. You didn't. You were too scared.

You had thought you were over your fear, but obviously not. You could only stand them when... He was around.

The moment you thought about the spiky blonde hair and red eyes, you felt your chest tightening.

You entered the lobby, eyes instinctively going to the door that had his silver initials. Your heart fluttered in your chest, longing to see him, praying that he would be here. You walked to the receptionist. She was telling you the same thing she did yesterday -sorry ma'am, he's just not available- when the door opened, and the silhouette of a man you longed to see standing in the doorway with a cup of coffee in his hand.

A smile found its place on your lips as you started to walk towards him -the receptionist was trying to talk to you still, but who cares- feeling relief washing over you.

He was here! You felt so relieved having him here, not only because he could do your injection without you noticing -but you had to admit, that was an amazing skill right there- but also because you... trusted him. You trusted Bakugou so much, that you could open your heart to him. You loved how he listened to you when you were talking about nonsensical things, how angry of a person he was but actually so nice, how he told you he hated those 'dumbass' friends of his, desperately trying to conceal how much he loved them.

He didn't see you as you walked to him, his eyes on the paper he was holding in his hand. You were about to call his name when you heard your name being called, though it wasn't he who said it.

Your brows furrowed, eyes turning to ho was calling you. The doctor from the day before stood there next to you, with a smile plastered on his face, his hand touching your arm slightly, about to lead you to his office. "Miss Y/N, you're with me today."

Bakugou's eyes snapped up, finding you almost instantly as he heard your name being called. Realizing you were also looking at him, his crimson eyes widened a little. "But..." you started to tell Kirishima, but the guilt-stricken look Bakugou sent you that he tried to conceal told you everything you should know.

You felt like your heart that was just hammering your chest stopped, hurt spreading in your body. Bakugou wasn't coming to the appointments on purpose, avoiding you, trying to get rid of you.

Were you really that hard to deal with? He couldn't take it not even for a week? You thought about the chats you had and how much you laughed when you were near him, and your chest tightened. Maybe you just were talking too much. Or maybe, he just didn't want to deal with a girl who was afraid of needles.

You let Kirishima lead you to his office, trying not to look at the man that you just turned you back to.

Even though you avoided looking at him, Bakugou could see how hurt you were in your eyes. And as he watched you walk with Kirishima, concealing how afraid you were and how much your knees were shaking, he felt like the asshole everyone told him he was.

***

Bakugou went to Kirishima's office the second you left. "How was she?"

Kirishima sighed, taking a sip from his coffee as he watched his angry friend with curious eyes. "I don't know, man. It was just weird." Bakugou's eyes widened, his hand anxiously running through his hair. "What the fuck does that even mean, shitty-hair?!" Bakugou felt like he was going to punch his red-headed friend if he didn't give him straight answers now. And obviously, Kirishima was aware too.

"Woah, chill down. Why do you even care, Bakubro? Never saw you so interested in any of your patients." Bakugou gritted his teeth. It was true he never really cared for his patients, nothing else than their health. But it was different with you, he cared about you, and everything about you.

"Just answer the damn question already." Said Bakugou gruffly, avoiding to answer his question.

Kirishima shrugged. "It was weird." He repeated. "Yesterday she was crying, at one point she begged me not to do it. I don't think she's scared of the needle hurting him but more like the needle itself." Bakugou knew all of this, and he was going to punch him in the guts if Kirishima didn't get straight to the point. "But today she was silent."

Silent? He had never seen you silent.

"She was like a- a statue. Didn't even flinch when I stuck the needle in her, didn't cry, or said a word. She was just looking at the needle and my hand, genuinely terrified. I felt like I was stabbing her or something." Kirishima recalled the memory, and a chill went through him.

Bakugou wasn't very different either. Thinking you like that broke his heart. He could understand you crying, and he would still be mad at himself for letting you cry, but what Kirishima told him was something else. It almost made him afraid.

"Anyways, I don't know man, tomorrow's the last day anyway."

"Yeah." Bakugou mumbled as he tried to forget what Kirishima just told him.

***

Bakugou couldn't get the image of you frozen with fear out of his mind the whole day. He buried himself in his work, still not able to think about anything else but you.

He went home, exhausted.

He took a shower and ate something when he saw the book you had left for him to read laying on his dining table. Ignoring the tightening in his chest, he picked the book up, and he realized the book was the only thing that could make him stop thinking of you, even just for a second.

And as he read, nonstop, he could swear the trees he saw from his window were watching him, making him feel a little creeped out.

Hell, maybe trees at night were creepy after all.

Day 7

Bakugou was having a bad day.

First of all, he had read your favorite book the whole night, not getting any sleep whatsoever. He wasn't the type of man to stay up till night, he never liked to do so either, but he did just that. No cup of coffee was helping him either.

What was bothering him, though, was that you just wouldn't show up. It was almost the end of his lunch break, and you still weren't anywhere to be seen. He knew that because he had been asking the receptionist about you every 5 seconds for the last hour or so.

He sighed as he finished the last sentence of the last chapter, of the book he was so caught up on, and as on cue, you went in the doors as he closed the book.

Bakugou felt anxiety doubling the beating of his heart as he saw you talking to the receptionist. He started to walk to you, replaying the speech he had decided on the day before to talk to you. But as you lifted your head and your gaze found his, he forgot everything that was on his mind.

And awkward silence sneaked in between you both as he towered over you. "Uh, hey," Bakugou mumbled.

"Hey." You said. "Umm, where is doctor Kirishima?" Ouch, Bakugou thought. He knew you didn't do it on purpose but it hurt anyway. "He won't be with you today," Bakugou told you, you didn't know why he looked so tired today, but how did he still look so damn handsome? "I will."

Your eyes widened as you understood what he said relief and anxiety washing over you at the same time.

You didn't trust your voice to say anything, so you just nodded.

As you sat in his office, awkwardly tapping your fingers according to a rhythm, you didn't know he was trying to gather up the courage to apologize. You didn't even mean to come in today, but you just didn't want him to see you as a coward, even more so. So you anxiously eyed the room when your eyes found the book you had left. He saw you looking at your book that was on his desk, and he smiled. "I finished the book."

"Does that mean I can have it back now?" You asked, making him grimace. He expected you to shower him with questions, to talk about it, to hear your voice... but apparently not.

"Yeah- yeah sure." You took the book back, holding it so hard, your knuckles turned white.

Bakugou sighed. "I missed you, you know."

Your heart started to beat so fast you were glad you were at a hospital. "Well, that isn't my fault." Bakugou didn't want to, but he smiled nonetheless. "No, it's not, it was me being an asshole."

"Right." You answered cynically, earning an angry look from the explosive guy.

"And I thought it was... for the best." He went on.

"Oh, of course, what else could it be?" You just couldn't seem to hold your tongue back today, and he was aware of that too.

"Can you not make this any harder?" He finally said gruffly. "I'm trying to fucking say that I'm-" his eyes widened as he realized what he was saying, that he was apologizing. But for the first time in his life, it didn't feel necessarily wrong.

"That I'm sorry."

You didn't need him to explain why he did what right now, just hearing that he was sorry was enough for you, so you smiled. "It really hurt, you know?" You told him as he started to walk towards you.

"I know." He answered, "and I'm fucking sorry." His hands held your arms as if he was about to pull you into a tight hug. But it wasn't necessarily a hug he was pulling you into. "But I can make it up to you." He whispered as he leaned in.

"And how are you going to do that?" You asked, but those were the last words you said before feeling the soft lips pressing on yours.

Your hands went to his hair almost instinctively, and you smiled into the kiss as you felt how damn soft they were.

***

"Remember that bagel promise we had? We could either do that or I could keep kissing you." He told you, smirking when he realized how breathless you were.

"But what about the..." your voice trailed off when you noticed the small band-aid on your arm. "When did you even do this?!"

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grailfinders · 3 years

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Fate and Phantasms #196

Today on Fate and Phantasms we're building the last of the Three Goddesses Alliance, Ereshkigal! (It took her long enough to show up.)

Eresh is a Grave Cleric for relatively obvious reasons, as it lets her do pretty much everything she does- raise the dead, care for the dead, raise the dead properly, cause earthquakes, and start pandemics. Maybe don't do that last one right now, we're kinda busy with one already. It's a shame Soul Cage is a wizard spell, but pobody's nerfect.

Check out her build breakdown below the cut, or her character sheet over here!

Next up: Now all of China knows you're on the naughty list.

Race and Background

Ereshkigal is part chthonic god, part human thanks to being a pseudoservant, that means Fallen Aasimar is a pretty good choice for her. You get Darkvision, Celestial Resistance to radiant and necrotic damage, Healing Hands to heal with your hands, and the Light cantrip to help the mortals with their dumb mortal eyes, using Charisma to cast it.

She's also the Three Goddess' Representative on behalf of humanity, trying to squirrel some away to prevent them from being entirely wiped out. This gives her proficiency with Intimidation and Religion, as well as an extended spell list we'll go over as it comes up. If you're wondering about the Intimidation: Yes the fandom thinks she's cute now, but you have to remember she's still a god of death. Most people aren't going to be as chill with her.

Ability Scores

Wisdom is first, Ereshkigal spent millennia honing her art alone in the underworld, so either she has a super high wisdom or an incredibly low one. But high wisdom works better for the build, so we'll go with that. Second is Charisma- some people love you, some people are terrified of you, those are both charisma. Your Dexterity is also solid, because your armor is not. Your Constitution is above average because while we don't need it for the build have you SEEN her HP stat? Your Intelligence is okay. You're not dumb, we just need other stuff more. Finally, dump Strength. You're a bit awkward with that spear, but we'll get some stuff to make it work later.

Class Levels

You're 100% Grave Cleric, so we'll just get into it. Starting off in this subclass gets you proficiency with Wisdom and Charisma saves, as well as Persuasion to show off your awkward charms and History because you're literally older than the written word. At first level you also enter the Circle of Mortality, so your healing spells automatically heal for max HP on creatures with 0 HP, and you get a suped-up version of the Spare the Dying cantrip that uses a bonus action and has a thirty foot range. You also get Eyes of the Grave, meaning you can sense undead creatures within 60' of you if they're not behind cover. It won't tell you about their identity though, so make sure you don't pick a fight with Strahd, you're still only level one. You can do this Wisdom modifier times per long rest. Starting in a spellcasting class also gets you Spells, surprise surprise, and having a Ravnica background gets you even more. Being a grave cleric gets you Bane and False Life for free, giving you easy access to curses and HP boosts early in the game. Something I want to bring up about the ravnica background before we move forward: I misread how these backgrounds work before. They add spells to your class' spell list, not your spells known. That means builds where you pick spells every level only get the opportunity to learn those spells, they don't just get all of them for free. Clerics can prepare spells from their spell list every long rest anyway so it's not a big difference here, but it is something I'll have to go back and fix for the other members of the alliance and Ishtar. Anyways, you get Illusory Script added to your spell list, not exactly something you'll probably use. For spells you can actually choose, grab Resistance for a goddess core that adds 1d4 to your next save, Thaumaturgy for when you need to get dramatic with extra magical effects, and Toll the Dead to do just that for some necrotic damage. You can also choose to prepare spells like Command to flex your authority and Protection from Evil and Good to flex on your sister.

Second level clerics can Channel Divinity once per short rest in two flavors. Turn Undead takes care of undead that fail their wisdom save, and Path to the Grave will clear out anything else. Spend your action to curse a creature, giving vulnerability to the next attack that hits it. Rules as written you can't target a mountain with this, and you definitely can't get the bonus for an Earthquake spell, but I'd allow it for the cool factor. Alternatively, you can Harness Divine Power to spend one use of Channel Divinity for an extra spell slot which is a level equal to or less than half your proficiency bonus. You can do this once per long rest, but that will grow as your Channel Divinity uses do.

Usually your third level doesn't get you much of anything as a cleric, but since you're a fallen aasimar you get a Necrotic Shroud, spending an action to get really spooky for a minute. Mechanically, this is your big ghostly form, and it'll frighten nearby creatures that fail a charisma save, and for the minute you're transformed you'll deal an extra bit of necrotic damage once per turn. You can go ghost once per long rest. You also get second level spells now, including your freebies Gentle Repose to prevent people from rising back as zombies and Ray of Enfeeblement, which weakens a creature's weapon attacks for up to a minute. They can make a constitution save to shrug it off, but not until the after the spell's already hit, so at least you'll get your money's worth. Thanks to your background you can also learn the spell Enthrall, making it harder for people to notice anyone but you. As someone who's existed in this fandom for any period of time, I can confirm Ereshkigal definitely has this ability. You can also prepare spells like Spiritual Weapon to have a spear that actually hits good and Protection from Poison for more goddess core shenanigans. Finally, make sure you pick up Silence. I'm still not entirely sure how we'll build Tiamat, but that should help shut off her immortality.

At fourth level you get your first Ability Score Improvement, which won't actually be improving your ability scores. grab the Eldritch Adept feat for the Armor of Shadows invocation so you can cast mage armor on yourself for free. You also learn how to cast Friends to make it easier to make friends and terrify your enemies.

Fifth level clerics get third level spells, including your freebies Revivify and Vampiric Touch. You're the god of the dead, so people should only really die when you want them to. Alternatively, you can Animate Dead to summon some skeletons for your own uses. You can also use Spirit Guardians to get more ghostly defenses. They'll slow down creatures of your choice in your area, and if they fail wisdom save they'll take radiant and/or necrotic damage, with it getting halved if they succeed.

At sixth level you get a second use of Channel Divinity per short rest, and a second use of Harness Divine Power per long rest. You also become a Sentinel at Death's Door, shutting down a critical hit near you as a reaction, turning it into a regular attack Wisdom Modifier times per long rest. Sure, you can bring people back later, but this is way less expensive.

Seventh level clerics get fourth level spells, like Blight and Death Ward. It is really hard for flowers to grow in the underworld. You can also use Leomund's Secret Chest thanks to your background, or you can prepare Banishment to throw Tiamat back where she came from, use Guardian of Faith for more ghosts, and leave an Aura of Purity around you to give your allies the blessings of Kur.

Eighth level clerics get another ASI, and this one will improve your ability scores. Kinda. We're grabbing another feat, but being Shadow Touched will improve your Wisdom by one point. It lets you cast Invisibility or Disguise Self once per long rest for free, or you can cast either spell as if it were a normal spell on your spell list. Now you can really make yourself look ghostly, if a bit undersized for your boss fight. Your destroy undead also bumps up to hit CR 1 creatures, but that'll blow up your skeletons as well, so be careful with it. Finally, Potent Spellcasting adds your wisdom modifier to your cleric cantrip damage. Nobody can toll the dead harder than the god of the dead.

Ninth level cleric, fifth level spells. Antilife Shell prevents anyone from getting too close to you, though it also means you can't get close to them without breaking the spell. It's almost poetic. Anyway, you also get Raise Dead, which is like revivify but with a more lenient time frame. You can also instigate your very own christmas event now with Contagion! This spell poisons a target, and at the end of each of its turns it has to make a Constitution save. After succeeding three throws, the spell ends. If it fails three throws, it gets a disease for the rest of the week. The closest thing to Sumerian Flu is probably Filth Fever, which gives disadvantage on saves, checks, and attacks that use strength, but there's all sorts of diseases you can give people. Technically this isn't a contagious disease, but talk to your DM, I'm sure you can work something out. You can also use Hallow to turn your room into a little slice of the underworld, shutting down your sister even further.

Tenth level clerics can invoke Divine Intervention with a 1 in 10 chance of getting a free favor from your god. Your god is you, technically, but it'll make more sense later. You can use this once per day, but it takes a week to recharge after it actually works. You can also cast the Light cantrip now. You could do it before, but now it's stronger.

Destroy Undead grows to hit CR 2 undead, and you can cast sixth level spells. Create Undead makes stronger undead for your army. Sadly dinosaur skeletons aren't available, so you'll just have to settle for ghouls. At higher levels you still won't get dinosaurs, but you can get ghasts, wights, and even mummies! Just be careful you don't stop recasting the spell, mummy rot can be rough. You can also summon a Heroes' Feast for more blessings from Kur, and you can take on an Otherworldly Form for another ghost transformation. This spell makes you immune to fire and poison damage as well as the poisoned condition. You can fly 40' per round, get +2 to AC, and you can attack with weapons using your wisdom twice per attack action. You're stuck with the UA version of this spell, so it takes an action, but on the plus side this just gives you an excuse to use Spiritual Weapon more.

Use this ASI to bump up your Constitution for more health. Health gets added retroactively, so you get +12 HP now instead of just +1. It's pretty nice.

Seventh level spells! Resurrection further cements your control over death with a time limit of a century, and you can also Plane Shift yourself (or an enemy) into the underworld.

Destroy Undead hits CR 3 creatures now. Not even mummies can stand up to your power!

Fifteenth level clerics get eight level spells. If silence won't keep Tiamat down, Antimagic Field should do the trick. The one problem there is it's only a 10' sphere around you, and you rely on magic way more than Tiamat does. You can also cause Earthquakes, turning a very large area into difficult terrain, disrupting concentration, knocking creatures prone, and destroying structures in the area. The one problem here is that you can't fly, so be careful where you're pointing that thing.

Yet another ASI. Use this one to finally max out your Wisdom for super strong spells and better protection from crits.

If you make it to level 17, you get the super powerful ninth level spells. Also, Destroy Undead hits CR 4 creatures, and you become a Keeper of Souls, stealing away some of a dying enemy's soul to heal an ally based on the creature's hit dice once per turn. Right though, ninth level spells. True Resurrection brings someone back even if they've been disintegrated 199 years ago. It's expensive, but you can always grab some gems from your sister if you're pressed for cash. The benefits of sharing a body.

At eighteenth level you get a third Channel Divinity and another use of Harness Divine Power. Really get those paths to the grave filled, it's kind of your thing.

Use your last ASI to grab the Tough feat for 38 HP now and another 2 next level. You have one of the highest HP stats in the game, this only makes sense.

Your capstone level is an improvement to your Divine Intervention. You know how I keep bringing up multiclassing as a con when we include cleric levels? This is why. Your divine intervention now always succeeds. Period. I mean, it makes sense. You are the god giving you power. But yeah, you get guaranteed god-level power freely given as an action. You truly have the power of god and anime on your side.

Pros and Cons

Pros:

Clerics have a good variety of spells, and you take it even further with your background. You can heal but you're not completely hosed on your own like Medea Lily, you can deal damage and still do stuff outside of combat unlike your sister, and you have utility without your build being dominated by it like Hundred Personas.

You might not be good in a one on one fight, but you don't get into those that often thanks to your skeleton army. If you just dedicate harnessing divine power to keeping them in line, you can have nine extra bodies on the field to turn the action economy in your favor.

Even when we're not talking about spells, you're still really supportive of your team. Shutting down critical hits and stabilizing your allies quickly will seriously improve the longevity of your party.

Cons:

Dabbling in so many areas of magic means you're unfocused, so you won't excel in any one. You won't heal as much as Medea, deal as much damage as Ishtar, or be a skill monkey like Hundred Personas.

You also rely on magic completely for combat, which means stepping into an anti-magic zone can be deadly. This is especially bad for you, since an anti-magic zone will probably be the best way to deal with Tiamat.

You might have an undead army, but your best spells are area of effect and you're a cleric. Destroy Undead is kind of a big deal for you.

#fate grand order #fgo #DND 5e #D&D #Ereshkigal #cleric

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arcaneyouth · 3 years

Note

hey. you wanted someone to infodump to about death? i’m down

ok cool thank you i'm gonna go off, Warning this will get deep and probably touch on some of my trauma and mental health stuff.

SO LIKE. Our culture surrounding death feels so fucked up. We act like we can beat it so easily. We act like we HAVE to find a way to live forever. We pretend death doesn't happen until it does. Which just makes it so much harder on ourselves when it does happen? It makes the grief So Much worse??? And for somebody like me who's chronically ill, it made my mental health so much worse whenever my health got bad.

Pretend that was my introduction paragraph and I am writing an essay, so now I'm going to get into the points I brought up. 1) Acting like we have to find a way to live forever. There's this culture we have around "living on through [x]", often through our accomplishments. We all want to be famous to the point people will remember us through our works after we're gone. Which just feeds back into this other cultural phenomena we have of needing to work constantly. Needing to be great. It makes us so much unhappier when our time comes because we didn't "accomplish" something. We don't have anything for people to put in museums and remember us by. I hate that we act like we need that. We don't need that. Why do we act like working hard to create something will make us "immortal" by "living on through our works" like fuck off that's not how it works! Obviously accomplishing things is great, but it is NEVER needed for a satisfying life and death and this is one of the big things that fucked me up when I still thought I'd be dying young, so it really pisses me off.

We also have a culture of just not talking about death. It's taboo, nobody wants to talk about it or acknowledge it. And then it happens. And it hurts. I think.... I think we should talk about death more casually. I think it would really help us. Discussions about death don't need to be depressing and sad, it can be so casual and normal and it feels so good to talk about death in a casual setting. It helps with the grief process when you've come to accept that death is a thing before it happens. Death happens, it's not something to beat, it's not something horrible, it's just a thing that happens sometimes because that's how nature works.

I have a lot of strong feelings on that, and that's mainly cause of how it's affected me for the worse. Second warning, this is touching on my trauma and mental health. So, when I was around 7, my doctors told me I'd die by the time I was 18 (this was very stupid for a lot of reasons. They literally only told me that to make me take my meds.). As you can probably imagine, that fucked me up really bad. Knowing you'll die at a young age, that sucks. And it sucks more when you take into account the stuff I've already ranted about. I could never talk about it. It took me 12 years before I was able to talk about it to my therapist, and that's because that was when I turned 19 and it officially hit me that the doctors were wrong. And it hurt. So much. Because I could NEVER talk about it. If I ever tried to bring it up, people would quickly change the subject or they'd go "no no you're not going to die". It gave me this really fucked up relationship with death, where I thought I had to win. I was stuck in a fight with Death and I had to win, no matter what it took. I had to live forever, because everyone told me I did. And you know what that got me? It got to the point where I became so convinced the only way to beat Death at it's own game was to end it myself before it could get to me. And that's fucked up! And I think maybe if I had ever once been allowed to talk about it and acknowledge that death is a thing that happens to people, maybe it wouldn't have gotten that bad.

I'm really chill about death now. I find death and our culture and everything about it to be really fascinating. I know this was more of an angry rant, but truly I find it so interesting. What made us start treating death this way? What started this cultural idea of living forever, does it connect at all to things such as ideas of ghosts and undead? How do other cultures do it differently? It's REALLY interesting and I love the history behind it even if I hate how things currently are. But yeah basically, I think we should be more accepting of death. It happens when it happens, and it's always going to hurt but it's always going to be ok. It's just how nature works. It's ok.

#asks #suicidal mention #death #mental health tw #let me know if i need to tag this as anything else #it feels kind of ironic tagging it tho when i really want everyone to be able to look at this kind of thing and be ok with it #i want this to be casual #but i also am aware of what our culture is like and that this may bother some people so i am ok with tagging it

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selinakidreams · 3 years

Text

year six at hogsmeade

ho ho ho! Merry Christmas! This fic is for the @haikyuucreationsadm secret santa event! dedicated to @ichorizaki ! sol, I hope this gives you the warm fuzzies!

genre: fluff

warnings: none!

tags: harry potter au!, gn! reader, friends to lovers, yams is a lil over protective, fake dating (if you squint really really hard), yamaguchi’s pov !

a/n: no i do not hate the character i put as the slytherin (i’m not gonna spoil anything <3 teehee) i did it almost as an easter egg ...? like if you remember how yams reacted when he heard a certian thing come from his mouth,,,,,,, you’ll understand why- the clip was playing in my head on repeat while writing it lmao (super vauge ik but ah ha haa)

Both of your school capes sashae across the cold stoned floor as you two head to the one class you had together. The air was nippy; delicate flakes of snow danced around the sky until they landed on the ground. Yamaguchi hugged his books closer to his chest in hopes to ease the lack of warmth. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw you nuzzle into your silver and green scarf that was already bundled up to your nose.

‘Cute,’ he thought to himself- and when it comes to you, that word comes up in his head quite a lot.

Far from being his favorite class, Yamaguchi Tadashi had to get used to the defense against the dark arts course. It was very… out there for him in the beginning. By pushing his limits, it created a wave of self-consciousness that would wash over him, resulting in the feeling of incompetence. Thankfully you were there to encourage and support him, just as you had been since the day you guys met. It was something about your strength and determination- he learned that through the years when you had an idea, a goal, or a project in mind, you would see it through. It was so inspiring to young Yamaguchi, the little boy constantly cowering away from anything that seemed too much. He would constantly be picked on and could never speak the words that clogged his throat but then you came along with a single snarky remark to end all of theirs. There was no time between the moment he words left your lips and when your hand slipped into his- pulling him away from any sense of loneliness he would ever feel again. You were there for all the big moments, from when he first got his letter to him getting sorted into Gryffindor to him trying out for their quidditch team. You two had been absolutely inseparable and neither of you would change a thing.

Yamaguchi cherished walking to class with you- the way you fit so well in the environment… he just couldn't take his eyes off of you. His favorite version of you was in the winter because you just looked so much cozier. The dark colors of your house heavily contrasted against the bright sparkling snow that reflected natural light into the corridor. The pink that tinted the tips of your ears made his heart skip a beat. If it hadn't been for you stopping by the opened door way, he would have completely missed the entrance to the classroom because of his… observations. He motioned you go in first, your eyes crinkled in thanks as you stepped inside and he swears that you caused a heart palpitation.

It was your guy’s sixth year at Hogwarts and by far Tadashi's favorite Defense Against the Dark Arts course yet. The teacher, Remus Lupin, had such a way of teaching that it was not only fun and interactive, but also incredibly informative- the prime way for him to learn. He was so happy that Lupin’s tactics were sticking, this meant he didn't have to cling to you for help as he had previously; He was able to show you that he was capable of being strong on his own. Whenever you showed your delight at Tadashi’s progress, he only wanted to work harder.

“Hey so… after class, did you want to go to Hogsmeade and get something to drink from Honeyduke’s? It’s all snowy out and it’s the perfect weather for something warm and comforting.” You grinned as the both of you took your seats, conveniently across from each other, the only thing that separated you two was a slim isle way. Yamaguchi turned to you with a small smile curving his lips, “Yea, sounds good but just remember I have practice later so I can't be out too la-“ his last word was cut off by an obnoxious scoff from the keeper from the Slytherin quidditch team.

“That was supposed to be our practice, you know. Daichi snatched up our usual practice time.” Koganegawa Kanji said snottily, judgmentally eyeing Tadashi up and down before turning his gaze to you. Suddenly there was a different type of look in his eyes, a bright one that showed that he believed he could secure all sorts of things… including you. “Those Gryffindors think they can take whatever they want, but I know what we're going to be taking. The win at our next game… which just so happens to be against Gryffindor. You’re going to be there, right y/n?” He practically beamed to you as he kept side-eyeing Yamaguchi.

Before you could even answer- before he could even realize what was coming out of his mouth- your shy, kind hearted, wouldn’t-hurt-a-fly Tadashi rolled his eyes and said, “Yea they’re going, they’re going to be screaming out my name when I catch that snitch.”

Your eyes widened as you turned to him with your jaw slack, the sexual innuendo in the forefront of your mind but when facing your freckled best friend, it looked like he couldn't believe he was able to even speak up. Yamaguchi is not one for confrontation or someone who initiates fights… but when things come down to you, he acts in ways he doesn’t recognize- for painfully obvious reasons.

“You better watch that mouth of yours, Yamaguchi, or else i might just have to zip it up.” The Slytherin hissed, getting ready to reach for his want but stopped in his tracks when his gaze caught sight of a scruffy man in his mid 30’s standing behind the frozen Gryffindor, hands in his pockets and a brow raised.

“Now… I know you were not about to hex mister Yamaguchi inside of my class, right Mister Koganegawa?” Professor Lupin tempted, a small smirk danced on his lips with the unmissable glint of entertainment that twinkled in his warm eyes.

The professor didn’t give the boy a chance to answer, instead turned around and headed to the front of the classroom while saying, “Return to your seat Koganegawa, I expect whatever hex you were going to cast was going to be a naughty one. Well ironically, today’s lesson is focused on learning to reflect those nasty curses…” The whole class settled in for the lecture as Tadashi sneaked a peak at the reaction that had been plastered on your face- boy, was it a cute one. Both of your lips curled in with saucer eyes, cheeks tinted a faint red, as if you were holding back a laugh that was forcing its way out.

<♥︎>

After Lupin bid the class adue for the day, everyone went their separate ways; Tadashi held you close as you both headed to Hogsmeade, his arm draped over your shoulder as you leaned into him for warmth. The walk had been a comfortable silence until you spoke out your curiosity to break the ice, hitting him with the million dollar question.

“Hey, what happened back in Lupin’s class? That was.. odd.. of you to say.” You inquired. Normally when you catch Tadashi off guard or in a vulnerable state, a cute blush dusts along the apple of his cheeks and the tips of his ears. You knew you were robbed of the sight, the cold had beat you to it, a violent scarlet already bared his skin.

He let out a sigh, the breath showing itself in the cold, before he muttered, “I’m just tired of him openly ogling at you like you’re some toy. It’s not cool.”

You responded with a slight hum, the real reply bouncing off the walls of your brain: I can't believe we’re not together by now.

“Oh yams,” you chuckle as you huddle closer into his side.

<♥︎>

Passing under the grand Hogsmeade archway, he was grateful that there were barely any students about- this meant you guys could get your drinks faster and walk around the shops easier. With the antique green and pink building in sight, the beeline to the shop’s entrance was determined.

“Okay okay, let me guess…” you started as Yamaguchi held open the door for you to walk in, already eyeing the colorful treats that decorated the room, “you want a hot chocolate.”

“And you want a hot strawberry tea.” Tadashi retorted with a smile.

“It’s almost like… we’ve known each other for years.” You say, your tone dripping in sarcasm as he watches your finger trace over the newest candy they sold.

Sol, a sweet that’ll brighten your day! The container said, with a picture of what looked to be an edible ball of light. Supposedly, once it hits your tongue, it melts into the flavor you're craving most.

After inspecting the shelves around the store for any new and exciting treats, you both headed to the register where Tadashi placed the drinks order and fished out two golden galeons and five silver sickles. He snuck a glance at you admiring the brightly colored walls to make sure you weren't looking as he slipped the cashier the two packets of sol he stealthily grabbed and handed them three extra sickles. A sweet surprise for later.

Leaving the store, Yamaguchi watched the way your hands slipped around the warm cup, the tips of your fingers slightly intertwined. He wanted nothing more than to take your cup out of your hands and intermingle his fingers with yours…but he couldn’t, it would be crossing a line, wouldn’t it? Nevertheless, the image of holding your- probably- freezing hand was on his mind the whole time you two were walking around the village you knew all too well.

Deciding that it was pretty late you guys began to head back to the castle. The snow crunched underneath your boots with almost empty cups in your hands, you knew it wasn't going to take long before you’d be greeted by the back entrance of the castle. “‘Dashi… do you have to go to practice? I… i need help with Lupin’s coursework.” you stutter out, causing Yamaguchi to pause and turn toward you.

This took him by surprise, normally you were really good with your coursework, so for the roles to switch… something had to be off.

“ y/n... You know I can't. The team said they really need me there. Daichi would have my head if I missed practice. The game against Slytherin is so close and I really need to-” he cut himself off before he could reveal too much or get too annoyed, the flash of Koganegawa smirking flashed in the back of his mind.

“you need to… what? I saw your last game and the way you soared through the air was incredible, it didn't seem like you needed to work on anything!” you pouted with damn wide eyes.

Tadashi tried to ignore the slight increase in his heart's beating pace, “aha well..” he said as he lifted his arm to scratch the back of his head, “we’re a team and they need me as much as i need them!” you stopped walking so he turned to face you.

He watched the small sad smile creep onto your face before hearing you mutter, “Jeez, when did my Tadashi become so popular?”

For Yamaguchi to not lean in and plant a kiss on your lips, something had to be holding him back... but there was nothing- if anything, you seemed to slightly lean in.

He figured that you'd assume that the first move was going to be on your part, as it normally was when something serious would happen between the two of you but he wanted to prove to you that he's changed. He's not scared anymore. He has no reason to be. He’s learned so much about himself throughout the years because of you. You're the reason he was the social person he was today. And he was the one that finally connects your lips with his.

Due to the cold and dry winter, both lips are not as smooth as wanted but it doesn't stop him from deepening the long awaited kiss. He placed his open palms on your waist and his fingers gave you a small squeeze when he heard you sigh into the kiss.

When Yamaguchi felt your arms around his neck, he swore the world stopped turning for a second. The warmth that he was feeling was unmatched- this was warmer than any other winter coat had made him.

When he pulled away, your arms stayed around his neck and he refused to let his hands leave your waist.

“I uh-“ at this point Yamaguchi’s face was bright pink, yours being no different, “um I’ve wanted to do that for so long.” You said, cutting him off.

Tadashi had to blink a few times, as if he was clearing his vision because what he just heard wasn’t possible.

“N-no way…” he mumbled, looking at the ground next to you. Tadashi almost felt overwhelmed but one thing's for certain, the weight of needing to properly confess was only getting heavier so he gulped down his anxiety- as you had taught him so many times before- and brought his eyes to meet yours.

“Y/n… I’m so in love with you. I have been for so long-”

Something red wizzed before your guys’ eyes, cutting off his huge confession. His eyes became wide at the hovering letter facing him.

A howler.

Before you could even raise an eyebrow, the letter opened itself in the shape of an origami mouth.

“Yamaguchi, YOU ARE LATE FOR PRACTICE! WHY? WHAT COULD BE SO IMPORTANT THAT IT’S CAUSING YOU TO MISS PRACTICE?” the letter with daichi’s deep voice boomed around the empty of the woods. It began to look around, as if it could see the surrounding area- which was weird because typically howlers were only used to relay a (very loud and disappointed) message. When the envelope eventually faced you, the bottom of the mouth dropped and seemed to gulp.

“Ah.. i see.. Hi y/n… um,” the letter turned to face Yamaguchi before reminding him to go to practice and ripping itself apart.

It was silent for a second, neither of you knew what to say.

“I dunno but it almost sounded like Daichi wanted me to go to practice.” was the first thing he said. He watched your face contort from a small smile to a full out grin joined with a hearty laugh.

“Let's get you to class ‘Dashi.” you said as you wound down from your laughing fit. Holding out your hand, the expression you gave him was one that he never saw from you before. The corner of his eyes crinkled with how genuine he was smiling as he took your hand, finally getting to entwine your fingers together as you guys headed to the quidditch field.

Ps. yes you did scream out his name when he caught the snitch- it didn't go unnoticed...

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jleighwrites · 3 years

Text

Through the Looking Glass [Unedited]

Quen inspected himself in the glowing mirror, knowing that the reflection was truly his own. He stood at 5 foot 8; a bit short, but he didn't mind. His ochre skin was clear and his hair was cut into a clean blowout. Apparently that was popular back in the 20's. His amber-colored eyes gleamed back at him, tarnished only by the dark circles underneath. Many of his acquaintances had gotten rid of theirs, but he liked how it made him feel human.

When he was finished getting ready for the day, he stepped into the hall and made his way to one of his family's augmented reality chambers, or ARCs for short. When he reached the door, he took out his personal ID and held it in front of a small screen next to the door. It beeped once before flickering to life.

"Quenton Jarod Harris, Junior attending Paulson R. Stewart High. Would you like to begin Classes for the day?" it asked in a robotic voice.

"Yes," he replied.

"Creating Scenario… Connecting to server… Finalizing… Start-up complete. Have a good day, Quenton Harris."

He swung the door open and was met by a bustling school hallway. Dozens of beautiful faces were chatting with each other, walking past each other, and scrambling to finish assignments that should've been done the night before. He let the door creak shut behind him and it disappeared into the wall. He hadn't taken two steps before the robotic voice was back.

"Message received. Sender : Juulia Brewer. Would you like to open the message?" Quen let out a heavy breath as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He regretted having skipped coffee this morning. The system repeated itself, "Would you like to open the message?"

"Yes."

An opaque, digital, blue message box appeared before him. As he walked, it stayed in the same position, phasing through classmates as he went, but they didn't flinch. To be fair, they couldn't even see it on their side.

Morning!! :DDD

In cafeteria.

Meet there??? uwu

Quen rolled his eyes at the emotes. Juuls had an obsession with "Millennial Texting", as she called it. In fact, she was kind of a nerd for it. She was the only one that had taken an interest in that era. American History classes taught them that the first 30 years of the century were dark times, but somehow Juulia managed to find light in them.

He reached out and pressed the X in the top right corner of the message box, causing it to blink away. "Hey, Google?" he called.

"What can I help with?"

"Teleport me to the Cafeteria."

"Sure. Now teleporting Quenton Harris to the cafeteria."

The noises and sight of the hallway faded into a blue void. Here, it was relaxing. Here, he could breathe easy. And just like that, it was gone. The void transformed into the cafe and the garbled mess of voices was back.

He scanned the faces before him one by one, trying to discern his friend in the sea of Glowing radiance. On the days that he had to use ARC, it was always significantly harder to recognize Juulia. With ever-changing hair colors and styles, vast varieties of makeup, and feature correction, the only way he could tell the difference was when their name appeared in front of them when he met their gaze.

A girl sitting a few tables down stood up and began to wave her arm around; he didn't have to see her to know it was Juuls. Disregarding the built-in recognition program, the greeting was a dead giveaway. She did this almost every morning, whether in person or through ARC.

He made his way through the crowd, literally. Instead of bumping shoulders with people, their holograms simply phased through him. The chamber, however, did produce realistic copies of inanimate objects. He plopped down on the nanobit replica of a bench at his school's lunch table.

"What's up?" he asked.

"Oh. Em. Eff. Gee. You literally took forever, lol," Juulia replied. A couple students around the two of them glanced their direction, giving them odd looks.

"Proximity chat," Quen reminded her. He took a moment to adapt to her new look. He assumed that she had been trying to look like one of those 'E-girls' that she was always on about. With neon pink hair, a beanie, and dark makeup, she looked completely different than she did yesterday.

"Oof. They just don't have good taste. The 20's were so… Lit."

"That's new."

"What? Lit? It just means, like, cool, but better."

"You're so weird."

"Pog."

And with that, the bell rang. Immediately, he was sucked back into the loading void briefly before being spit out into his first class of the day. He took his seat as the teacher appeared in the room. She was beautiful and could pass for 25, though she was actually 20 years older.

"Alright everyone, sit down please. Today, we'll be talking about why we're here. We all know that the early years were just about as bad as they could get. But they had some major influence on how things work in modern day."

Juulia would be bouncing off of the walls if she were here right now. Fortunately, she didn't have this class until after lunch. He was spared of her over-enthusiasm for now.

"Did you know that ARC was developed a few years after the events of the Covid 19 pandemic? It took a while, but when it was released to the public it was an instant success. Can you believe they used to hold classes through video chats on a computer?"

A hand in the back went up. The teacher motioned towards the student, urging her to ask her question. "What's a computer?" It seemed that everyone had been wondering the same thing, Quen included, because they all shifted their vision from the student to the teacher.

The teacher chuckled. "It was a large device that used to be kept on desks before technology was integrated into Glass."

"They only had technology on the 'computer'?" another student asked.

"I mean, they had other forms of technology. They had smart watches, smartphones, smart TVs… But most of their time connected to the internet was spent on a computer or on the smartphone, which is what we now call our Shard."

Quen had to admit, everything about the early 21st century was something else. But where it intrigued Juuls, it brought up a bad taste for him. To him, it was just the beginning of the death of authenticity.

After what felt like hours of droning, the class was finally wrapping up. Google's voice broke him from his thoughts. "Message received. Sender : Crystalinne Harris. Message saved for later."

"I've sent an assignment reminder to all of you. Your homework is a 500 word essay on what 'Facebook' was before it created Glass."

He scoffed at the assignment before the next bell rang, whisking him off to his second class.

When the final bell of the day rang, the low hum enveloping him whirred into silence as ARC powered down. Without the machine running, he stood in a room made up of nanobits. The tiny metal balls made up the walls, floor, ceiling, and even this side of the door. All of them worked to create the illusion of being in an actual school, when in reality, he'd been inside a room no more than 10 feet wide and 10 feet long all day.

He stepped out of the chamber and made his way into the kitchen, where he was met by his mother and father. "How was school today?" She asked. His father pulled a latte from the Keurig and sipped it as he waited for a response.

"It was alright. Just another day," he replied, "Dinner smells good."

"Oh, yeah. They delivered lemon pepper steak and asparagus today. All of our portions are already in the oven."

"That's… Lit," he said, a smug sense of pride flickering within.

"That's funny, son. Haven't heard that since Gran was alive. Get that from, what's her name? Jessica?"

"Juulia. Yeah." His father's beard was getting shaggy, he noticed. Since he had started using Glass, he had been letting it grow out. Seemingly, it didn't bother him much any more. His father had been adamant about leaving Glass alone for most of his life and had taught him to do the same, but when Grey hairs began to appear, he decided to finally give in.

Honestly, he wasn't surprised. Glass was wildly popular internationally. It had originally been bought out by the American government in 2040, probably for facial tracking, and integrated into every single building since then. It was everywhere. He and his dad were two of only six or seven people that he knew of that didn't use it. But now, he couldn't even say that.

After dinner, he had decided to take a hot shower. The water on his skin felt nice and he let the steam relax his muscles. When he finished, he dried off and wrapped his towel around his waist. Stepping in front of the mirror, a pleasant chime sounded.

"Glass activated," a voice with a programmed British accent sounded through the surrounding speakers. The edges of the mirror lit with a white backlight and menus appeared on the screen in glowing, white letters. A box formed around his face, his name appearing above it. "User : Quenton Harris detected. Set nickname : Quen."

He began to comb his hair into place when the voice rang out, "Quen, would you like to use the Autofix function?" A white bar highlighted the "Autofix" option on the menu.

"No," He replied sternly.

He finished with his hair and quickly brushed his teeth. When he smiled so that he could check them, the voice came again, "Light enamel stains detected. Would you like to use the Autofix function?"

"No."

It was irritating to hear it trying to coerce him into using it, knowing that it used that method to get so many people addicted to it. He simply shook his head. That's how it starts. A quick fix here, a minor upgrade there…

He pulled on a sleep shirt and some sweatpants, tossed his towel into the laundry chute, and headed for his room. He needed to write his essay and get some rest for the next day. It would be Tuesday, which meant live classes.

Quen's alarm beeped, rousing him from his slumber. He sat up in bed and stretched, before lowering himself to the floor. "1, 2, 3, 4…" he counted the sit-ups in his head as he started his quick morning workout routine. He had always been physically active. Staying healthy had been a big goal for him. The way things were now, even with the best Healthcare, people hardly ever made it past their 50's. He wouldn't let himself be a victim of the system.

50 sit-ups, crunches, and push ups later, he stood up. Began getting dressed for the day. A white button up and a tie, he wanted to look nice. Of course, Glass attempted to goad him into Autofixing himself, and just like every other day, he had none of it.

Finally, he felt confident. He was ready for the day. He grabbed his backpack from the back of his desk chair after ensuring that his report on Facebook was packed. Since he was heading out of the house, he also snagged his Shard from the charging pad and shoved it into the pocket of his black jeans.

He strode down his driveway and stopped next to his mailbox. After a few minutes, a large, white bus with no windows arrived. He climbed in and heard a chime over the bus' speakers. The British voice spoke, "Quenton Harris has boarded."

He made his way to an empty seat and plopped down. The first thing he noticed, like always, was the smell. An amalgam of body odors swirled around the cramped space, making him sick to his stomach.

Inside the bus, you could see the surroundings on the installed Glass screens, almost like windows. He turned his focus to the passing buildings as he tried to block out the horrendous scent surrounding him. He was one of the last stops, so he wouldn't have to endure it for very long. He slid his Shard out of his pocket and began to read the day's headlines. The war overseas was still raging on, as expected. The weekly universal paycheck rate was 31 dollars more than the last. And another round of the Meta-Vaccine was going to be made available before fall, hopefully to prevent as many infections as possible.

The bus rolled to a stop in front of the real Paulson R. Stewart High. When the doors creaked open, the automated voice announced that it was time to evacuate. He passed by the empty driver's seat and stepped out onto the curb, letting fresh air flow into his lungs. For the first time since last Thursday, he smiled.

Quen enjoyed the few moments he had in the outdoors as he strode to the entrance. Biding his time, he held the door open for other students. Unfortunately, he knew he had to go in.

He stepped into the real hallway, which looked almost exactly the same as it did in the ARC replica. There were three main differences. First, the smell. Just like on the bus, it was everywhere. It absorbed every crevice, every corner. It was disgusting. As much as it bothered him, no one else seemed to mind.

Second, the students he saw today were nothing like the ones that had been in his simulation yesterday. Where beautiful faces surrounded him before, he was now engulfed in a sea of low effort. Hair was frizzy, tangled, and out of place. Clothes were wrinkled and stained. And the worst, it was obvious that most of his classmates didn't take care of themselves. They were supposed to reach the peak of their physicality at ages 16 through 18. If this is what "peak" looked like, he understood why the average life expectancy was decreasing.

Third, Glass was everywhere. It made up all of the windows, all of the mirrors, and even lined the walls in some places. It kept track of each student as they navigated the hallways. The 'Assistant' feature was turned off, which meant no obnoxious voice trying to pressure him into anything, but it still worked it's magic in the reflections. Each user's Autofix settings synced up with every Glass that was linked to the system, which was - legally - all of them.

It disgusted him, the way people walked around, acting all high and mighty. Just because they never had to see their true selves didn't mean that no one would. The problem was, they didn't care. After graduation, They would be assigned a home, a mate, and a job. And after that, the only ones that would have to see them would be their direct family. All other interactions would be carried out in ARC, which had a partnership with Glass.

These moments, here, in Paulson R. Stewart High, were the last bits of his fleeting reality. Someone bumped into his shoulder, causing him to stumble out of the way. A bigger guy wearing a pair of eyeGlass gave him a strange look. "Sorry, man. Hard to tell the days apart," his apology sounded genuine, "Your fix looks nice."

"Don't worry about it. And thanks, but it's not an Autofix," Quen replied. The guy chuckled for a moment before tilting his head down to peek over his eyeGlass.

"No kidding. Well, good for you, man. Between you and me, they really need to get it together," he said, looking over the crowd. He shifted his gaze back to Quen, "Compared to us, they look pretty rough."

The sad thing was, he probably hadn't seen his true self in years. "Yeah, man. Well, see you around." Quen left him behind and began walking towards the cafeteria. There was only one person he wanted to talk to.

An arm linked through his, and through a haze of vanilla scented perfume, a familiar voice chimed, "Bruh, you got here earlier than me today. That's wack." He didn't have to look to know who it was. When he turned to her, he was engulfed by her radiance. She was authentic. She was real.

#short story #sci fi #writing #fiction #technology #future #Spotify

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

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Junior & Nancy

Junior: What are you gonna do? Nancy: I've never had less of an idea Nancy: What can I do? Junior: I wish I knew for you Junior: But no, I don't Junior: By the time I worked it out, I knew it was too late but maybe if I'd said something to you, we could've avoided it playing out like this Junior: I'm sorry Nancy: Don't apologise to me, please, I can't start sobbing outside of this office Nancy: You've done nothing wrong. It's me who messed everything up Junior: I'm sorry, no wait, scrap that Junior: You can't help what you felt Junior: You're not the first person to get a crush, everyone's just acting like it for the drama of the thing Nancy: But I chose to act on it Nancy: You didn't see her face. It was... Nancy: I've got no words for it Junior: Oh, Nance Junior: There's no other way she could react, or would've Junior: I'm not judging but how did you get this caught up? Its not like you Nancy: I thought she wanted me to. Genuinely I'm not just making an excuse Nancy: We had a connection. The way we'd talk, I didn't imagine that, I can't have Junior: At best though, that could never be more than friendship, she's a married teacher, a straight one Junior: not to go over it now, you know Junior: What a mess Junior: Tristan is being Junior: its bad Nancy: He has a right to Nancy: I'm so stupid, oh my god Nancy: They couldn't hold of mum or dad yet but when they do... Junior: Yeah but, he's trying to make it something it ain't, get the anger but I wish he'd keep the gay hate to a minimum Junior: Oh God, babe Junior: how mortifying Junior: I'll find a hole to bury you in Nancy: Thanks Nancy: I've literally become a lesbian stereotype. The predatory one Nancy: If my brother ever finds out I'm gonna have to get you to bury him too Junior: We're doing our best to keep it on the DL, strictest of confidence Junior: but if your rents talk to mine, he'll suddenly take an interest no doubt, eurgh Junior: You weren't being predatory, at least, that's now how you meant it Junior: and she's in the position of power so she always had the upper hand to push you away Junior: which, I guess, she did in the end Junior: would've been helpful if she'd have clued up before now but we can't blame her Nancy: I'm gonna have to move back, aren't I? How can I stay here. I can't Nancy: I love her and I've done this to her Nancy: What if she loses her job because of me? I might have wanted him to leave her, or vice versa, but I never wanted that Junior: Not necessarily Junior: She won't Junior: Not to rub salt in an open wound but its very clear it came from you and not her Junior: Its not going to come to that Junior: There's only this year left, we can stick it out together, I've got you Junior: anyway, rumours follow, don't they? Idk how but that's the magic of teens, better if you face it head on Junior: own it in the ways you can Nancy: You make everything sound so straightforward, no play on words meant Nancy: I should have told you everything Junior: I get why you didn't Junior: it got to be real when it was just in your head Junior: wow, sounds harsh but, yeah? Nancy: I'm gonna hear much worse Nancy: At least you're coming for a good place Junior: We need to decide on your side of the story, so we can stick to it Nancy: What's the point? Everyone already knows what happened Junior: Yeah, there's definitely the key facts you're not gonna be able to run from Junior: but its all about how you sell it Nancy: What are you saying I should do? I can't throw her under the bus Junior: No, of course not Junior: I'm not explaining it well 'cos I can't do it myself Junior: but you know, the old, hold your head up high regardless of how you're really feeling Junior: acting as if you're not as phased as you are, too, not lying about what happened, just acting as like its less of a thing so people will get bored, you know? Nancy: Have you met my mum? Holding my head up high won't be a problem Nancy: Casually trained at it Junior: Yeah, no, good Junior: I know its gonna be hard Junior: but it will help this all be over sooner Nancy: That'd be nice Nancy: It's new for the rumor mill but not me Junior: How long? Nancy: Since I came here, pretty much Junior: Oh, honey Junior: That's such a long time to have those kind of feelings Nancy: I know Nancy: How did I get here? Junior: I dunno Junior: We all build things up in our minds, fantasies and that Junior: it just got out of hand because it was uncheck Junior: like I said, you're not the first or last Junior: Its okay, it will be alright Nancy: You're only saying that to make me feel better, I get that, but it's kind of working anyway Junior: I'm honestly not Junior: You know what went down wasn't cool but I think the outcome is more than enough punishment without me needing to be a dick about it Nancy: but I wouldn't blame you if you were Nancy: You asked me so many times who I fancied, if I'd just said, it would have stopped it, I would have come to my senses enough not to try and kiss her Junior: But you wanted to Junior: more than you wanted to be logical and sensible Junior: for better, or worse, as its transpired Junior: its easy to beat yourself up about it now Nancy: I should've beat myself up before hand Nancy: Repeatedly over the head Junior: I'll get you a time-turner and a mallet, like Nancy: Much appreciated Nancy: Can you arrange a bodyguard too, for Rio more than Tristan tbh Nancy: She's gonna be livid Junior: Not with you Junior: She'll get it better than me, she's had her fair share of crushes, I'm sure Nancy: Have you really not? Nancy: Envy you at this point Junior: Nope Junior: I'm like a sexless slug Nancy: They have a nicer label for that, to let you know Junior: Yeah, I'm not into that Junior: Never say never, you know Nancy: Unlike you have my judgement Nancy: Unless* Nancy: Never say never with your straight, married, teacher Junior: When is it okay to laugh cos like Nancy: Go ahead Nancy: We have to Nancy: I can't cry rn and still face everyone Nancy: I'm not THAT good at holding my head high Junior: are you gonna take some time off or just Junior: face it from the jump Nancy: I think if I walk away it'll just make it harder to come back Nancy: If I'm staying here then I need to carry on Junior: Agreed, from that POV, definitely the best thing to do Junior: but don't force yourself to do things you can't Junior: we can go cry in the toilets whenever you need, okay? Nancy: Have a gorgeous mascara moment Nancy: Maybe my mum will force on a flight back to London Junior: Maybe Junior: Or roll up on you here Junior: such fun Nancy: Oh god, she probably will Nancy: I know I brought it on myself but....please no Nancy: Parent swap with me really quick? Junior: They'd despair but give it my best Junior: At least your Dad is going to be too awkward to say anything Junior: Small blessing Nancy: I wish that was a like father like son trait Junior: Thank god for the mute button Junior: shame it doesn't cover all communications, including IRL Nancy: Honestly Nancy: If I thought I hated Irish class before Junior: Yeah, no escaping how bad that's gonna be Junior: 😬 Nancy: If I pretend I've had a straight awakening now will that make it better or worse Nancy: She turned me everybody, nothing to see here Junior: I think it'll take you from the butt of the gay jokes to the butt of the slag ones Junior: which might be easier to handle but Junior: might have to display some straightness and we're not a convincing couple to say the least Nancy: Plus you're my cousin Nancy: That'd just create more rumors Junior: Yeah preferably you're going straight for someone not in the fam Junior: Idk, who are the most elligible bachelors around Junior: Hmm Nancy: Tristan's off the table Nancy: Lovehate only happens in YA Junior: Plus, all that rage, probably closeted himself, if we're following the rules of YA to the letter Nancy: And if we're going classical, he probably wants to sleep with his mum too Junior: 🤢 Junior: oh no Junior: flip the script on 'em, go for a younger boy Junior: preferably not weird young, like year below tops Nancy: Oh god Nancy: Boys are so Nancy: Even hypothetically it's a no Junior: 😂 Junior: I don't think you're gonna be pulling this off effectively any time soon Nancy: You're right. Back to the drawing board I go Nancy: Thanks, June, for talking me off the ledge Junior: Wouldn't be worth much as a bestie if I didn't Junior: we've got this Junior: it only FEELS like the end of the world Junior: that's comforting, right? 😏 Nancy: Until I think about how bad you said Tristan is handling what happened Junior: Yeah, well, reckon Rio will be having words Junior: he just needs to get it out of his system Junior: look sufficiently sorry and miserable and he should be satisfied, then you can get on with your life, like Nancy: I do feel sorry and miserable so as long as I can get it across instead of looking like a unrepentant bitch Nancy: We'll see Junior: Yeah Junior: he's not awful, like Junior: It probably sucks having teacher parents, but that ain't a reason to take out years of frustration on this sitch Nancy: He can't be that bad, she raised him Junior: Oh, babe Junior: you've got it so bad Nancy: I wish there was a mute button for feelings Junior: You've got to start putting in the work Junior: Conscious uncoupling Nancy: That'll be as much fun as having the chat with my parents Junior: I didn't promise fun Junior: Strictly business Nancy: This is why lesbians die at the end of every movie, isn't it? Nancy: No fun Junior: Mhmm, its not just bed death you've gotta avoid Junior: its alright, you've been scorned, that'll further your plot development, no need to die today Nancy: Just living with the heartbreak then. Fantastic Junior: Unfortunately Junior: Its survivable, so I'm told Junior: and there's lots of songs and films on the subject to keep you company Nancy: You're angling for a hetero rom-com watching session because the male leads are always hot. I see you Junior: You need some straight drama in your life Junior: it will make you feel so much better about your own Nancy: Her being straight was a big part of my drama Junior: Yes and no Junior: Even if she was gay, Nance, it wouldn't have happened, alright? Junior: You need to remember that Junior: what if you have a nice lesbian lecturer at Uni, you don't wanna go through this again, thinking it'll be different Junior: its a no go whatever the circumstances Nancy: I know Nancy: I'm trying Nancy: I don't want to go through this again Junior: I know Junior: Its a complete perspective overhaul Junior: It'll take time Junior: you'll get there Nancy: I better Nancy: I don't wanna be stuck here in this place Junior: You won't be Junior: You've got a whole life of new, better experiences waiting Nancy: Brain swap? If I was as smart as you I could graduate early Junior: You're plenty smart, its truly not that far off now Junior: Final stretch Nancy: You're right. It just feels like forever rn Nancy: My own fault Junior: It does though Junior: clock watching all day every day Nancy: Definitely Nancy: Same

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