#suicidal mention

[cringefail-clown]

still in my dirkkat era

[bottlehawk]

imagine being as goth as rose lalonde and finding out that you had to wear orange for the rest of your life. and not just orange but orange and yellow and bright fucking. blue ballerina shoes. and that's what everyone in your new universe remembered you in. and commemorated your image as. forever. would lowkey kill myself

[ticklishshenanigansau]

(I'm not an expert or a medical professional, but I really do care about you all! If you are feeling the impulse to harm yourself or end your life, or just feel dead inside, please know that you are not alone, you are not an exception to being deserving of love or grace, and that the weight of the entire world is not your responsibility. Please talk to someone you trust, or call a suicide or crisis hotline, I promise you're not wasting anyone's time. There is always hope <3 ~Kitty)

[ri-afan]

Jesus Christ, Saiki

[alostlittleriverlotus]

most of all, I'm hoping that now that I'm getting some actual medical help, my mother will actually start believing me and allowing me accommodations without me having to have a violent meltdown and suicidal episode to get it because I'm triggered insanely bad. Like maybe me asking for stuff to prevent an episode IS the warning. I'm sick and tired of getting my requests and needs ignored until I have a whole ass emotional break and psychotic episode and risk harming myself because my mental state is so fucking fragile when I tried so damn hard to get me that help to AVOID THIS EXACT SCENARIO.

And maybe she'll actually start helping me get some things to aid my mobility, but who knows. I'm mostly surviving until I can move in with MA and he'll help me out, bruh. Dude. I cant. I effing cant.

I'm just so sick and tired of doing everything I can to protect my mental and physical state just to avoid some really bad episode. And with the shit I'm uncovering now, like, dude. No wonder I have such insanely bad control issues. This bitch is so much more unstable than previously thought. I try so damn hard to avoid insanely bad episodes whether it be physical pain or emotional crisis/distress and my parents don't take it seriously. Then I have a whole episode cause I'm pushed to the fucking edge and then they blame me for not controlling my emotions. I wish I could just fucking scream about all the stuff that is going on in my head, but they wouldn't get it. They barely get my anxiety, let alone if I opened up about other shit. And when I DID open up about delusions or hallucinations, my mom just brushed it off cause she experienced that too. Either she does not feel it to the same degree or she does and that's ALSO WORRYING but she doesn't see it that way or both. Like girl. I mean legitimate hallucinations and delusions. It ain't good if you're experiencing that too. But what do I expect.

I just hope this will improve my living situation until I can move in with MA and we can work together to properly accommodate me since they actually fucking believe me and don't treat me like I'm lazy and bratty and unwilling because I'm in severe pain or I am dissociated as fuck and barely feel alive. My fucking plant is less fragile than me.

Just so tired of being pushed to the edge then treated like a monster and like I'm crazy. Like thanks. You're worsening the fucking things some of my alters tell me which only makes me wanna rot even more.

Like it's been a good while since a bad episode has happened thanks to them questioning me when I'm in an extreme brain fog and dissociated state and just asking for help since I'm in so much pain. But dude. It still hurts. It still fucking hurts and makes me mad. I can't wait to move out and actually get to feel alive because someone actually fucking looks at me like I'm a person that needs help and can't do it all myself. Cause I'll be with someone that is going to help me and reassure me over the tiniest things that I've been guilted over for before. That we'll actually work to get me mobility aids and I can't wait until the day I can move around and do more because I don't have to force myself to walk as if im a perfectly functional human being with a perfectly functional body. I'm just so tired of being mistreated then made to feel like I'm crazy and I'm the abuser because I was neglected and had my physical and mental issues overlooked and blamed on me for years so much so I would punish myself. And you know what's sad? Even typing this...I feel like I'm a terrible person and I'm hating myself. I feel sick. I hate that I'm made to feel this way cause of how I've been treated since I was literally fucking 3 and 4 years old. Not to mention the system shit that I don't ever want to get into publicly due to the distress it causes me and the asshole alters in here.

[thiefnessman]

i cannot conceptualize living with the intense feeling of letting my mom down. which is funny because i’ve frequently had to live with it anyway but it still makes me want to kill myself every time. the only reason i don’t kill myself is because i know it would upset her more than my failures. but it’s so selfishly tempting because at least i wouldn’t have to live with the consequences

[modernwizard]

Reasons I love the Spymaster #71: "We could have fun, you know."

Find my full series under the HELP I WUVS HIM tag or at the why I love Dhawan Master tag.

H/T to @themastergifs for gifs.

#71: "We could have fun, you know." I mentioned this in #70: He still likes Yaz! as an example of the Spymaster trying to appeal to Yaz in The Power of the Doctor by demonstrating he's like the Doctor. Threatening her ["I'd hate to have to cut you down to size!"] doesn't work. Losing his shit at her ["I am the Doctor now!!!"] doesn't work. So he tries to offer her what he thinks she wants.

Needless to say, there is no fun anywhere in this scene or in their future, and both the Spymaster and Yaz know this. In fact, this is less of a proposal and more of a conditional statement of what the Spymaster himself wants. He wants to have fun. He wants to be a fun person. He wants people to think that he's enjoyable to be around. He wants someone to travel with. #63: He wants a fam!

Most of all, he wants someone to take him seriously, to acknowledge his pain, to respect him, to understand him. [I wrote a three-part essay about this earlier, arguing that what he most wants from the Doctor is MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING.] His "You'll see" is wishful thinking. That's what he wants to happen. He wants someone to recognize him. He knows they won't, though. That's why the eyebrows are so plaintive and the smile so quick, wavering, and forced. He's lonely, and he sees no end to his loneliness. And I think that plays a huge part in his suicidal thoughts. "It's the rage and pain in my hearts."

@natalunasans @timeladyjamie @sclfmastery

[statixzcoffee]

Watching Season 19, Episode 1

Can anybody told me why Butters got DETENTION for saying the Chef got brainwashed by a cult. Was it because he spoke out of line? PLEASE GIVE ME A REASON, PC PRINCIPAL!? like is it because he thinks he is lying? Like i know scientology is a cult. WAIT?!! DID FUCKING Scientology REWROTE OF HOW HE DIED!? WHICH PC PRINCIPAL THINKS HE IS LYING?!!? OR IS IT BECAUSE BUTTERS' POWER FROM STICK OF TRUTH IS HAPPENING. (Basically the first guy to go/hit/hurt.) NOO MY BABY.

~~ Alright I just realized. It is most likely that scientology bribed people saying that he committed suicide. South Park has the right to be angry (It actually happened in real life, understandable jabs.)

I was bewildered and thinking then realizes that what actually happened. PC Principal believed the news more than the people who LIVED there, wow okay. Thanks, PC Principal. IT's BUTTERS STOTCH. HE RARELY LIES (Unless he has to or blackmailed - but understandable especially if you think people who lived there are arrogant whiny bigots. lol)

Scientology is a cult of stalkers, will hunt your info, and will hurt your friends and family. :D

[blimbo-buddy]

Ruby saw Tiny in Rusty and wanted to keep it like that. She wants to care for him like she never got to do with Scourge, but she never KNEW RUSTY PERSONALLY. She never knew him as much as she would've WANTED TO. She hadn't left her house in moons, and Rusty hadn't visited her in a while, and when he finally does, it's to tell her he's leaving her for the Wild Cats? She didn't want another Scourge scenario, so she tried to keep him with her by having him on the same house this obviously failed and she was in despair. She felt like she didn't need anyone. What was she anymore? What was life? She became suicidal, and at one point dug out her eyes, leaving 2 hollow holes. And then she found Cloudpaw, whom reminded her SO MUCH of her of herself and of Rusty. She took him in. When Fireheart came she was SO HAPPY! He, however was afraid of her. She explained everything, but she left out Scourge. She slowly lost her fear but it still vaguely existed.

Let's move onto Scourge. Many cats knew he had mental problems, and he was strict on rules about the Clan Cats, so it was no wonder he was terrified. Bonnie and Bone KNOW what had happened to him back when he was younger, and they're always there to help him...

I'll come back later, Blimbo. For now, however, GOODBYE!

Poor Ruby doesn't understand that the past and consequences of her actions will stick with her and she needs to accept that she was so horrible to Tiny but also that she shouldn't see Rusty as some kind of "new opportunity" to be better or as some kind of replacement. Quince's kids didn't end up the best huh.

I hope that with Ruby now being blind , it's treated with respect from a writing perspective. This also applies to the cause of her blindness. Although I myself am not blind so I can't give advice towards it, however you can still look around for blind people (especially in the warriors fandom) and get their opinions on what you should and shouldn't do, how to properly handle the subject and if there is anything to change.

[pinkieloveheartpastel]

TW: VENT. More suicidal discussion, black people:

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As a black person with suicidal feelings that are pretty much a sliding scale of almost nonexistent to severe, I remember talking about being suicidal, and another black person on here proceeded to talk to me about how I should basically be a beacon of hope for other black people, and that I should stay alive to spite racists, and this is exactly why I’m talking about suicidal black people right now.

Y’all really need to understand something. I’m allowed to vent, I’m allowed to feel however I desire, I am not a fucking mystical statue that you can gawk at because I’m “flawless” and can do no wrong.

Don’t fucking treat another black person like this. Don’t ignore their feelings because you want to basically use them and parade them around, instead of actually listening to them. ISTG this is the fucking worst. I don’t want to fucking spite racists, I want to fucking live my damn life in peace without having to constantly be reminded that people want me gone, etc, and this is the part a lot of people don’t fucking understand.

The desire to treat other black people as inspiration porn, rather than humans, is so prominent, and so fucking insidious.

[bpdkaiba]

Chapters: 1/2 Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga), Yu-Gi-Oh! - All Media Types Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Bakura Ryou/Kaiba Seto, But you have to squint to the point of closing your eyes, also this is - Relationship, queer platonic relationship - Relationship, haha oops gotcha bitch Characters: Bakura Ryou, Kaiba Seto, Male Orc, Male oc made to die, sorry not sorry - Character Additional Tags: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, sex used a coping mechanism, mental health, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicidal Ideation Summary:

TLDW; I told you all I was going to do DSOD 2 Electric Boogaloo. I never said it was gonna be pleasant ;)

Long short of it is that Ryou needs help with defeating a past enemy. Unfortunately for Kaiba, Ryou needs more help than that. And they both deal with his (Ryou's) actions for it.

Thanks @chaosmax for proof/beta reading! 

[bottlehawk]

b3 signless and b4 hal !

1-800-GOING-TO-KMS

[anotherexistingbeing]

You know Kito is the spawn of "shadowpeach" when they show often that they're impulsive AF

Arrogant as well growing up

They still carry that out as it's shown heavily in the lbd arc when they had no second thought on getting in front of mk to take a whole punch through their chest

(even in the past they got hurt on multiple occasions)

__________

Mf can tend to be su1c1dal and usually gets bonked AF for it, jumping off high places to prove a point that they know how to fly, picking fights or getting ambushed on earth, even fighting some kids up in heaven

(which to be fair, Kito got bullied for being a demon and mostly every was scared they were the next Wukong)

Which doesn't help teen Kito's case considering they got mad to the point they threw one of the heaven teens off the edge of heaven, Kid needed to be saved mid air by Ao Bing and Ao Bing was NOT happy

___________

Kito struggled with empathy when it came to impulsive actions with made them struggle with the concept of mercy, Ao Bing and some of the others tried teaching Kito bout the moral stuff but the lessons never seemed to be enough/nor were most of the lessons getting to Kito's head (cuz in their perspective: they believed they were right to scare the shit out of the teen/group of teens to finally make them shut up permanently)

Which would lead to Kito nearly getting in trouble with jade emporer (which again, Impulsion would make them talk back and get in trouble further)

___________

All that often lead to Kito getting grounded/suspended from heaven for a bit

Hence why Kito switches homes depending on the situation

the first being heaven, second would be the crystal palace, (later on in the story) third would be the bull family's home from being on good terms with the family (never had bad terms in the first place)

________

When Kito gets time alone (cuz social battery recharge) to reflect on everything

They tend to get into that headspace of

'Maybe it'd be better for everyone if I wasn't here at all'

Which in terms of all that's happened so far and as a growing young adult, they have this conflict of wanting to disappear but not exactly die because they're so attached to their loved ones

The thought of not being able to see their loved ones again makes em cry easily and get a bit sick

Kito having BPD?

(Borderline personality disorder)

[billspotts]

i have found out that theres not better feeling than finding, as corny as it sounds, a list of things to live for that i made when i've been at the peak of feeling suicidal and then going thru it months/years after that. makes u realise bad times always pass. always

[stripesofbrooklyn]

ooc:

Someone should be fired from their job as a receptionist at my mental health clinic. I just told them I’ve been having severe negative thoughts and I need to speak with my psychiatrist and they said there was nothing they could do.

So if I go through with the suicidal thoughts that are going through my head...it’s not my fault. I’m reaching for help.

[sunnylittlebisexual]

CW: body dysphoria, su*cidal ideation and self h*rm ideation

Tonight was a REALLY Bad Mental Health night. It took the whole day but I didn't realize until I showered that I had had awful dysphoria all day and was hyper aware of how big my b00bs are now bc of birth control. I really hate that particular side effect of it. I thought I would like it at first but I don't, tonight is proof of that. I was uncomfortably aware of myself and my body in the shower and i wanted to pick my skin off...after my shower I struggled to put clothes back on.

I felt depressed bc of my b00bs and my situation with my birth control which then led to self h*rm thoughts and su*cidal ideation. Luckily my spouse is here and helped me through it by giving me some paper towel to rip up as a healthy coping mechanism.

I still feel like a shell of a person and really fragile. If I keep taking birth control I'll have bigger b00bs but if I stop taking it I'll get periods again and I can't have either of those. I literally have never felt this much dysphoria/depression/negative feelings in my whole life and it was/is overwhelming. Idk what to do. Maybe I'll give an update later but this is how it was tonight.

Tl;dr: body dysphoria led to feeling depressed and suicidal which I was brought out of by tearing up paper towels as a healthy coping mechanism.