#like what am I supposed to do now yk | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

stanperformanceunit · 9 months

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My problem is that I hyperfixate on dramas I really like but then when I finish them I feel empty inside until I find a new to drama to hyperfixate on...

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 11 months

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i wanted to try my hand at slamming Home with the puppetification beam. i told myself i wasn't gonna get attached. im attached. not sure about the outfit tho

#hes in my head now. rent free.#BITES HIM BITES HIM BITES HIM ARGHASBDASKJNA #in my mind hes in the same height category as poppy/barnaby/howdy #that is to say: Tall. Big Guy.#hes also mute! i think he can still like... creak? bc hes still Home yk yk i want him to keep his main attributes #also bc his mouth cant really open. those teeth are Fixed #ITS 6 AM IM SUPPOSED TO BE WRITING A COVER LETTER NOT THINKING ABOUT PUPPET!HOME #now im like 'oh what are his dynamics with the neighbors whats his personality what does he do'#BRAIN PLEASE BE QUIET I NEED A JOB #neurons said no job only welcome home #emphasis on the Home #scribble salad #welcome home #hes a big ol friendly guy...#im fairly satisfied with how he looks #i think he resembles his canon form enough #and i hope hes noticeably similar to wally! i tried to have him echo the little man in little ways #also please bear with me im not used to drawing glasses. at all #i need to give more of characters glasses huh.... get that skillz in

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indigodawns · 19 days

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#been sitting here for 1.5 hours now trying to decide if i should go see my friend as promised #or not. basically i texted earlier like heyy sorry can we do tomorrow im all over the place (mentally extra unstable*) i don't wanna #make you deal with that #but she said she might not be able to do tomorrow and she's told me she hates when ppl cancel bc so many ppl have been #cancelling on her and yk. feels bad. so i really should go but im also just. ???#idk what it was but today is just so not it ive been crying a bunch and barely working and i v much needed #my noise cancelling headphones on the train and then i just kept them on for 1 #and then i just kept them on when i got home and ive just been on my bed scrolling and trying to decide dhsjsjdjd #yes i was supposed to work 8 hours today 💀💀💀#so that's the other part like if i go see my friend i know tomorrow will probably be rougher and i also need to work then yk #ugh anyways i should go we can just chill im sure #* headphone context for myself bc im just like 🤨🤨 am i just kinda sad and tired today or do i really need to rest #anyways. Thoughts? dhsjjdjdjd #other context is that my friend rly isn't doing good at all and i haven't seen her in a week and it's been #even longer since we could talk 1 on 1 #like 2 weeks rip #maybe i just need food tbh ive mostly had sugary stuff today rip

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minty-bubblegum · 7 months

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Ugly sketch because I haven't done digital art in years who do you think itbks

#Okay hint he's from the furry dorm #lilypad sillyposts #Which furry am I drawing 🤔🤔#We may never know #My poor fingers 😿#THis took forever ngl BECAUSE I KEPT MESSING UP GRR 🤬🤬#I know nothing about anatomy #So i just did what looked right #Didn't like the original pose I traditionally did so I switched it #He looks goofy #Sigh #This is for moony btw #Ugly ass I want to break my phone #I put on my playlist that's supposed to be emo shit n stuff and IT'S PLAY SPICE GIRLS #I DONT REMEMBER ADDING THAT #WAIT actually nevermind I do 😭😭#Bru now it's s&m 🙄#I thought I was gonna listen to MCR but yk what it's okay #😋

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heliopixels · 7 months

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#i dont think im well and i dont really know what to do about that !#hm. hmmmm. i want to leave i want to be able to transition i want to know people i like i want to be able to know people i like #not currently possible though #i hope to make it to the point where it will be though #i dont like misogyny i dont know why it exists i hope that i [...]#yk i dont really understand why people are mean ! i wish they did not want me dead i wish that i did not have to hide #why do i have to hide ? they keep saying 'just be yourself' i would be killed if i were myself. i do not think i want to be myself #i think there are no options for me that include a bright and long future #then again #i did not anticipate that i would live as long as i have now when i was perhaps 12-13 #maybe the world will surprise me or maybe it won't #i do not like being cynical. i am supposed to be the one full of hope #i am going to read 177/76 again so i can remember that #where is that one post. 'i will make this world worth living in im not giving up i swear'#vent

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whoa-where-did-the-pancakes-go · 5 months

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What if I just don't sleep. What then.

#it is 11:01 and i just finished taking a shower that was supposed to have been taken at 9:30 #look. unless someone (steve usually) forces me to go to bed i will not despite knowing i will be complaining the entire day #“im soooi tiiiiired” well maybe its cause you only slept 6 hours you fucking microwave oven #ik its recommended for teens to get about 10 hours of sleep but if the school system wanted me to be healthy they should not make an entire-#-essay due in three days and maybe consider letting kids have more than 10 days absent or even not starting the day at 8 am what about that #huh??? huh??? wisconsin school system i have a complaint to make #see i get 6 hours of sleep. 7 hours at school. that leaves me 11 hours for personal stuff and a good four of those are spent eating and-#-doing chores and talking to family etc etc. so i get about 7 hours to myself add in showering homework and laying on the floor sobbing #and ive got like 5 and a half hours of free time so excuse me if i like to. yk. do thingsand maybe im not getting the recommended 10 hours #- of sleep.#im regan thank you for coming to my speech i wrote it in 10 minutes it is now 11:12 goodnight of youre going to bed if not?#join me in being a fucking goddamn disaster all the time :)

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beauceronn · 7 months

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What they don't warn you about dogs is that you'll fall head over heels for multiple breeds and breeders and individual dogs that you know you can Technically afford to have at once but know it would be irresponsible to raise two puppies together when you've never raised one yourself,

#also um. my friends are rehoming TWO anatolians right now. so. 👁👁#i am very strongly in the camp of 'i do not want an lgd unless i have land and stock' but yk. theyre beautiful dogs.#and i love all of the dogs ive met of theirs. super great temperaments and working ability.#ANYWAY. what i am talking about is my favourite bitch is being bred and two dogs i really like are being bred in one breed #and a friend in another breed is planning a breeding and i am desperate for one of his puppies LOL #also i told him it was impossible to find his kennel online and hes like yes. well that was on purpose.#so there you have it i suppose #anyway! anyway. thats it. its painful lol #i know i am doing the right thing by saving my money as much as i can to move out somewhere where i can raise said puppy #and that the experience im getting is doing me a world of good when it comes to understanding the dog world before i dive in myself #and that getting a dog my senior year of college really is not ideal #but man! man. it hurts to be so close yet so far.#every time i see my favourite bitch im like you had BETTER come into season at the right time. no pressure 🤣

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scattered-winter · 7 months

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seeing everyone get super emotional abt the pjo teaser today has been. a surreal experience for sure

#i WANT to be happy about it and i WANT to be emotional about it but i am just so god damn tired. im so tired.#im not even physically tired most of the time but i am Tired. you know #trying to get a job. absolutely cannot. trying to go to class. too tired to even pay attention when im there.#trying to do homework. too tired to focus on it when i do it. gonna fail more classes and to be perfectly fucking honest #i might just drop out.#i dont know what im doing here!!!!! im getting a degree for nothing!!!! im wasting time and money by being here!!!!!!#if i knew what i wanted to do and how to get there that would be one thing but im literally only here because idk where else to go #and its costing me a fuckton of money!!!!!!!!!!! that i dont have!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and i am just so god damn tired.#i dont want to drop out because i dont know what to do if i did.#i cant live with my parents i Cant. its ok to do that short term but its suffocating after a while.#i cant be the person i want to be with them yk.#but i dont know where the hell else im supposed to go!!!!! i dont think im meant to be here but i dont know where else i need to be!!!!!!!#i dont fucking know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and i am just so fucking tired. so god damn exhausted at all times of the day.#like im being so fr right now i dont know what im doing here and every moment of indecision is costing me more money #im not gonna be able to pay for my second semester but i cant get a job and i dont even know what im doing here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#because im just here because you go to college after high school its what you do!!!!!!!!#i didnt choose to be here!!!!!!!!!!! i just went with the flow and now its costing me and i am broke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am so broke!!!!!#someone please put me into a coma rn i am being so fr. i am being SO fr.#i want to. quit college. and go work somewhere. just a job. no more school. i dont wanna do this anymore.#hrrhhghghghhhhhh #winter speaks #personal #anyway i am slightly afraid lol because not even the pjo show can make me feel excited + happy about something #despite it being nearest and dearest to me. im just too goddamn tired.#i am not gonna lie guys losing one of my friends at the beginning of the semester has had an Effect (tm)#lol. lmaooooooo even.#there's a girl in one of my classes who looks just like her so thats sooo fun. thats great.#fucked up how grief just grows on you like moss. it doesnt leave.

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lebrookestore · 1 year

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feelings are so complex

#its funny in a way yk #because like on one end of the spectrum theres this person that was supposed to be my best frien #but she ended up manipulating me and doing some really shitty things and will be all nice to my face but talk shit behind my back #and honestly she can be a terrible horrible person and has hurt another close friend of mine really badly #and i want to hate her so badly #and i think part of me does hate her because being around her now just drains me of my energy and i suck at being fake about people #but at the same time i loved her at one point bc she was my best friend and i cant just let that go??#and she's going through a lot so i just feel sad for her #so like i cant hate her if im sympathetic and its just weird idk man #i want to hate her but i cant #like i feel awful ab the shit she's going thru but that doesnt excuse the crappy human being she's being but i feel like a bad person #holding her accountable for that bc of how much she's going thru and like why why WHY is it like this why is it not in black n white #then on the other end of the spectrum there are feelings that like im kind of terrified off but like #i underestimated just how easily those type of feelings can blossom #is this me talking about the L word? yes. 🧍🏻‍♀️#i thought that falling in love per se would be like. way more work way more time etc etc #but apparently not? its oddly simply? but at the same time admitting it is like oh okay what #and therefore its like u gotta take time to figure yourself and it out and then like #like you dont really realize it until you're standing in the midst of it #man i dont even know what this post is lmfao 😭 i quite frankly dont even know what im saying right now i am just putting my thoughts out #into the abyss because i gotta put it somewhere #goodbye and goodnight now #brooke rambles

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caruliaa · 10 months

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literally why am always like. feeling so inhernetly inferior to everyone

#idk why im feeling this way but i also dont know how not to . bc like i kinda am !!#like when the thing i make are not as beautiful or well made and the things i say not as interesting or smart or funny #and the things i do not as interesting or cool or fun and things i like not as smart or meaningful or important #and yes fuck it the way i look not as beautiful !! ik im not supposed to care but i do okay #idk in what way im not worse than everyone else #and i just wish i was as good as everyone else yk. or at least that i didnt feel like i wasnt if i really secretly am somehow #UGH i get like this every night #idk if its my brain going wild when i need to sleep or just everything im feeling deep down getting overwhelming in a way #and bubbling up. but i also felt miserable this morning so maybe not #and least i feel just useless to others and no activley harmful to them anymore ! an improvement ig #flappy rambles #vent #bro ihate doing this but im just going to go to bed now bc i rly need it #luce if ur reading this im sorry but ilusm gnight love <3

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yawn-emoji · 2 years

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#who i was march 24 2022 and who i am now are completely different people. i remember crying in caffe reggio to zay sun and adiba because #my dad was in the hospital and we didnt know why and we werent even there to support him and my mom because we had travelled to nyc that #morning. and the whole trip was overshadowed by this sense of grief and fear and horror at what was unfolding back at home while i was #trying to pretend everything was okay and that i was fine. i never cry in public but i cried on the q train while visiting my coworker who #lives in manhattan and then i sobbed in a xi’an famous foods location in manhattan w my brothers because the cheapest and earliest train #home was that night and i had no idea what to do w myself #and when we got home finally we all knew what the diagnosis was but nobody wanted to say it not even the doctors. i dont think anyone used #the actual word cancer to us for months. they cloaked it in such technical terms so as to make it easier to swallow but it was still like.#an elephant in the room yk? nobody told us the stage either but it was a stage iv glioblastoma and i remember going on r/glioblastoma and #just crying reading all the posts abt how difficult this disease is. most projections were six months to a year and a half. a lot of people #even chose not to get treatment because of the high probability that it would make no difference to the prognosis. i have no idea whether we #made the right choice going w chemo or not honestly. only time will tell i guess. inshaAllah this will prove to have been the right choice #idk what im even trying to say now. i just dont reflect a lot on where i was when this started because it’s… almost too painful. i have #given up so much for my dad at this point and i still feel like it’s not enough but also i’ve been trapped by this sickness and i’ve given #up my life to it and idk how to rebuild myself from here. i need to move on w my life but what if these are the last moments w him and i #take those for granted by not staying home to take care of him and spend time w him. again idk what im trying to say here i just have no #idea how we got to this place. it still feels like some insane fever dream that i will suddenly awaken from #seeing pictures of my dad even from 2021 is the hardest thing. i have no idea what happened to that bright funny charismatic loving man. he #is literally a shell of himself at this point and i hate it. it actually turns my stomach sometimes because it all is so wrong #none of this was supposed to happen he was supposed to retire peacefully somewhere tropical in a couple years not get diagnosed w cancer #journal #illness tw

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angeltrapz · 1 year

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you ever remember one (1) thing & suddenly it's like you've opened the floodgates

#i didnt want to know all of this #this is all too much i dont know how to cope w this. what am i supposed to do now #i cant even tell anyone about it #connor.vtxt #i really really dont want to put my mom thru that. considering its all abt my birth father #i dont want her to blame herself for not noticing or getting me away from him. the courts said he had to see me & i never told #but now i feel like i have to tell my sisters mom bc the possibility that he put her thru the same thing makes me sick to my stomach #i know it will cause a MASSIVE shitstorm and i dont think im ready for that #everything is too much and i need it to stop for a second #csa tw #(kind of. not mentioned directly but yk)

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wren-kitchens · 1 year

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hey does anyone have good news about the world cause i’m not convinced i’ll live past 23

#not even from mh issues either #just #the physical earth is dying and it’s our fault and no one gives a shit yk #no that’s wrong #*no one who can make a considerable difference gives a shit #sorry all my posts are so pessimistic right now lmao I don’t have enough brain energy to suppress thoughts anymore apparently #but it’s a little bit scary yk #like idk what’s gonna happen #we said that if nothing happens before 2030 then we’re screwed #well times tickin #there’s fuck all I can do about it #I can recycle a bottle and turn of my lights but apart from that the fuck am I supposed to do #I can’t implement laws that prohibit harmful gasses being emitted into the atmosphere #I can’t fix the economy #I can’t fix poverty and make sure everyone has enough to eat and drink #I can’t make everything run on solar power to reduce carbon emissions #dude I couldn’t get anyone to take me seriously when I was so terrified of climate change in y7 that i’d be crying about it near constantly #now ppl just think i’m vegan #which i’m not because guess what I fucking can’t because I won’t get enough vitamins or iron because I have bullshit sensory issues #i’m either dying from myself or the world whichever comes first #and they’re both approaching pretty fucking fast i’ll tell you that #anyway #hope elongated muskrat has fun with his fucking bird app #hoax rambles #vent #tw vent #vent tw #climate change #global warming #the terrifying thing is the fact we can literally see it happening

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doctorwhoisadhd · 2 years

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:/ going to pride has out of nowhere made me feel More Complicated Emotions About Pride

#in an unexpected way i mean #its like #what m i doing wrong..........#idk i just. wonder if theres just something About Me that makes me unapproachable in a romantic way #or not even a romantic way but like. Do people not want to kiss me or is it that i am impossible to kiss #i have a COUPLE friends that just DO that now #you know just With Friends #and i want to kiss people i do #but if theres no one whos expressed an interest like. What am i supposed to do #ari opinion hour #i just yk #i want to be a part of the broad variety of human experience #and i think im attractive but like. I have no fucking idea if anyone actually agrees with me #because i have gotten approached like once ever and that was YEARS ago #and the uncertainty of just Not knowing if itll happen again #i just. yk want to see if i would like it now that im. An Adult i guess #and i still havent kissed anyone so #i just. would i like it??? i want to like it

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famousprophets22 · 18 hours

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i love being transgender i love doing my silly little t shot every week i am so proud of who i am and what ive done to get to where i am now I LOVE BEING TRANS!!!1!!!1!😸😸😸

#sometimes i feel like im a weird percived combination of ‘experienced’ and ‘not experienced’ in being transgender #heavy on percived i know who i am LAMFO #ive been out chronologically and age wise the longest out of everyone i know im pretty sure #i started socially transitioning when i was 12 yk #was fully ‘out’ (specifically in school) by before high school at 14 #and changed my name legally last year and started t this year at 17 #but some people just see that last year as me being properly trans #not even properly trans just like. as if i was only starting my transition now #and i dont think thats very accurate #and sometimes i feel a lil inferior to guys in my life who have been on t and have been ‘undeniably’ trans for longer #(boy if ur reading this ur not included like on god but also unblock me lets be mooties i miss you)#but sometimes i have to just sit back and remember i got this and it doesnt actually matter what they think OR even if i was a ‘baby trans’#or whatever #ive been trans for like a third of my life.#like half of my cognitive conscious life.#i got this!!!#and even if i didnt thatd be okay too cus we all get there eventually #that is a lot of yapping for me saying i feel embarassed celebrating doing my t shot every week cus im so early and jts not doing anything #but maybe i can have some fun anf joy in life #and maybe being transgender isnt inherently miserable #on a happier end note #me and my friend had our hrt appointments on the same day and started a few days apart #so we r now transition buddies and yap at eachother abt injections vs gel and what ‘changes’ were getting and its really beautiful #its nice to have community #and people who do not see u as a little transgender infant just cus u werent fortunate enough to go on t at an even younger age #than the incredibly fortunate 17 #but hey what doesnt kill you makes you stronger i suppose and i think hrt is gonna feel reslly fucking good after 5 years of waiting #and im so fortunate im in this position and am grateful every day to not only be awesome and transgender but also on hrt!!#yaaayayayayayay!!!!

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aashiqq · 1 month

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I lied

#so #dni #idek where to start man #the first thing i can remember is that im a misogynist now apparently #wait not now #ive always been #that i judge girls for living their life and guys for having what I don't have #surely not what i want to be like literally the last thing i want to be is a misogynist #the world is not a sunshine place i imagine it to be where nobody is a racist or sexist or homophobic or ableist and everybody sings hakuna #matata or sunshine songs its pathetic it makes me wanna vomit i want to be happy but it forces me to become nihilistic with my thoughts #its fucked up its just so rotten at its core that even the smallest emotions feels like a huge generosity from the gods themselves #im at the pojnt in my life thaf if i dont act now im going to lose the years ive already lost #my entirety of teenage is gone now and im unprepared and unequipped to fight around for my life #im left catching up and apparently ive been sleeping on the track even though im the turtle #it fucking sucks to be me yk #im so so soo self centred btw i cant think of others i cant care for others unless its about me somehow #i deserve to die for whatever goes on in my head its so blasphemous to existence itself its pointless to even exist anymore #i have everything a person could ask for #loving parents a normal life a good college friends who care for me and who i care for not that financially fucked up a good career #lined up in the future #i could be stable yk i could be happy grateful satistfied #i should even be working harder to achieve what i want without losing up on reality chasing my dreams #and what do i do #what the fuck do i do?????#cry over a girl just because she was supposed to *save* her virginity for when we got married???????#how stupid is that?????#she doesnt owe me anything she can do what she wants with her life she isnt someone i control or any such thing #who am i to judge people im literally just a loser npc simpleton who's been left alone and normal so long he's forgotten how to exist #i feel disgusted with myself #its just like the times i have the wild theories about whos doing what behind my back

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