#like whats worse is this is just bc its so rare for me to find someone cute lol like realistically we are not well suited

[lc430]

j'ai le béguin -___- je n'ai pas ressenti ça depuis longtemps. ces sentiments sont compliqués. anywayyyys je suis très fatiguée et j'espère mieux dormir ce soir.

[ganondoodle]

Since you said it's ok to send you random ask, i've always found your "monsters" design to be really really gorgeous, and I wanted to know : in any form of media you've interacted with, what's PEAK monster design for you ?

i have been thinking about this ask alot bc ... i dont ... know? theres a problem with what counts as a monster really too, most are either some sort of anthro/furry or the horror gore type of monster that instills you more with disgust than awe

i guess theres some i really like but idk if thats what id call 'peak' (though its rarely JUST the design but their vibe and stuff too);

(its a lot of zelda.. sorry)

Eldra, Farodra and Naydra (engl Dinraal, Farosh(?)) though Eldra is def my fav one of them, i like how they are a little more less typical dragon- with the fur around the neck the floppy ears and kinda goofy face yet manage to be the most ethereal, awe inspiring creature i have ever seen in a game with how they act and are presented as (in BOTW!!! do not mention anythign sonau/zonai with stupid magic pebbles to me about them i will manifest worms into your tea)

Leunen (Lynels) (botw) -i could not find a better picture wtf, fav are white and silver ones) FINE they had some pretty neat new horn designs in totk- idk i just like them alot, rather simple if you think about it, horse lion plus horns- but its so well put together it just kinda scratches my brain in a good way (also how intelligent they clearly are, like the way they fight and act and also even their death animation is so??? huh?? you are just gonna treat them like any other mindless monste- *remmbers they treat ganondorf even even worse all things considered* .. nevermind you're good)

'Beast' Ganondorf (twilight princess) its my favorite beast ganon design (even if it technically is just kinda a man boar .. again) though if ww gan had a non puppet beast form that one would most definitely be my fav lol (i will not get over the fact that some descriptions call this a hideous beast EXCUSE ME???? WHERE???) (honorable mention here, darkbest ganon from botw, pig on fire but it looks cool as fuck)

Nimbusgarde (ww) .. (engl .. darknuts?) do i need to say anything? (i could throw alot of ww design here) not sure if it counts as monster but they are not human so ????

the pathless bosses- (here in order, Cernos, the Godslayer, and Kumo) all of them are rad as hell (except for the final version of the godslayer ... liek im sorry but it looks to boring compared to any other one lol) again not just the design but man do i love them

since i dont know what would count as a monster or no i could just list my fav characters here bfmjbfmjsbmj like radahn (elden ring) is just kinda a zombie, aurelion sol (league of legends) is a space dragon, the forest god in princess mononoke, Narisha (skyward sword- sky whale)- i could go on but this post is long already (honorable mention to Omus in nausicäa, weird bugs but also something divine, though it is much more how they are treated and the vibe etc)

in all honesty though i cant think of one that i would describe as perfect, what i want of a monster design is to be ... cool but also a little weird, big hulking monsters that have something off about them and something that makes them 'other', but also not, as much as i like bloodborne, just bloody gory messes of rotting flesh, AND not just as a monster to kill, i just crave a game or otherwiese piece of media where the cool monsters arent just there for you to kill- the perfect one i guess would be something kinda big scary weird and off but while non verbal clearly not a mindless beast?

and here is the thing; my own characters do not furfill that, my designs are really rather conservative, much to my dismay, anthro of a mix of animals, maybe an extra arm thrown in- Eadrya, one of my favorites, is really just a blueish furry (yes they have fur) and their demon form is a mix of seals and catfish with some extra arms, too many teeth and a mouth that goas wayy to far (if they want) - Shargon is a feather dude with extra arms and his demon form is really just a chinese type dragon crossed with a bird, throw some darts at the color wheel, done

together with my problem of my monster characters losing their 'otherness' vibe within the story rather fast bc the majority of my characters are non human and speak and you see them in all sorts of emotions and parts of life- they lose that divine, unknown vibe and i HATE that that happens, i want them more akin to the forest god in mononoke but thats not possible unless i start from scratch

and i really dont mean to make myself look bad to sound self depre- ... however you spell that; i really am rather dissatisfied with my own designs but mostly just roll with what i got bc i never seem to be able to actually achieve what i want

even my redesigns often really make things LESS interesting (unless maybe the og was just ... human, but they are blue eyed with golden hair and white so that makes them divine you seE-), the skyward sword dragons as i redesigned them made them much more classical dragon, in part intentional bc i was drawing a connection of them becoming the botw dragons at some point, but by all means the canon design is much more weird and unusual than what i did with them, you could apply the same to even demise, his canon design might seem a little uninspired but really what did i do? inject him with some classic satan spice like that makes it in any way less stereotypical evil demon ??? lol

im sorry this post devolved into whatever this is but i really am trying to answer sincerely, i am confused about it myself, what counts as a monster, what doesnt, there must be more that i really loved but why cant i think of them, why do i design characters like this when i really want something much more different, i dont know, i feel like my brain is in a cage, why do i keep making things less interesting in an effort to make it interesting, am i falling into the corporate trap of cool sells who am i what am i doing

(theres a zelda artist with a style so strikingly genuis in shape, color and just .. DESIGN that i want to chew my nails off bc i cannot design like them, their designs and redesigns are so different yet sensical and so full of crisp shapes i have never seen before it drives me nuts and i would want to give them a shoutout but i think they dont like me so aaaaarhekjbfhgdknbgdfklbg)

[fillipquesender]

Hi i'm going on a huge rant I know I should do it on the tsams confession thing but I'd rather do it on my own blog

Absolutely no hate to the creators by the way, this is just stuff that ticks me off :3

Completely fine if you like the stuff I stated!

VA's if you somehow see this uhhhh please ignore this entire post

I want to rewrite ruin's character as a whole so hes just canonical eclipse

Sadly no jigsaw but at least it isn't whats happening on tsams

God i want to go on a huge rant about how much i despise whats happening with the lore to get it off my chest but i just know that some people will take ir the wrong way and assume I want it to change and I hate tsams as a whole

I don't hate it as a whole but i dp kind of wish to say this

It kind of feels like that after the ruin dlc released that what the creators had planned was changed from it- for one their reaction to canonical eclipse, which was them saying 'no' over him being nice- and the fact that ruin i think was originally supposed to be canon eclipse with how he acted after being 'cured'

Does it feel like they hate canon eclipse or at least dislike him? Yes, yes it does

Does it feel like the lore is rushed a bit now? Honetsly kinda

Is the excessive amount of angst overwhelming? For me at least, it is (hence why i've stopped watching and moved to laes)

Also it would be so refreshing if it didn't seem like this was the whoke "all eclipses are bad but solar" because i know thats not true

A character does not need to have a bad backstory to be rude or nice or whateverz but it feels like that way in tsams which ticks me off so much FOR INSTANCE, BASICALLY THE ENTIRE FAMILY

They could've turned out rude but didn't because THEY CHOSE NOT TO

I think i rememver ruin saying that solar was a rare eclipse but idk if thats bc hes nice or bc of the change but if its bc hes nice im gonna scream

Uhm uhm what else uuhhhhdhdhdhhe

Oh yeah the fact that ruin straight up doesn't give a shit about his actions it pisses me off

He watched his friends suffer for ages, and you'd think hed have some remorse because he wouldm't want that to happen to anyone else, but nope! Bro he seemingly didn't evej care when all the family was greiving

YOU'D THINK AFTER THE TIME HE'D SPEND WITH THEM HE'D CARE ECEN THE SLIGJTEST

SURE THEY'RE FROM DIFFERENT AUS BUT HE WAS AROUND THEM LONG ENOUGH TO AT LEAST CARE ABOUT WHAT HIS ACTIONS WOULD CAUSE

Dude i really do hope the VA's don't find this i feel bad enough making this post but i gotta let off some steam 😭 if they see it i'll just feel worse than before

[goldensunset]

hi so i’ve already said a thousand times how sora failing the mark of mastery exam (when he did everything he reasonably could’ve; it was rigged against him bc of unfair interference) and being belittled for not being strong enough (without receiving much in the way of actual constructive advice, just getting laughed at) is sooooooo adhd

but also think about how sora actually was considered strong enough once upon a time. it’s not like his entire life has been marked by failure or and yen sid is just dunking on him for that. sora was a special amazing kid, chosen by the one and only keyblade. sure he knows he wasn’t its first choice and he struggles to embrace his role as a hero at first but once he does he shines. there’s nothing sora can’t do! sounds like a textbook undiagnosed adhd gifted kid, right? growing up being told you were just so special and cool

but then you get older and you fall off the curve. your brain differences stop working for you and start working against you. now suddenly you’re no better than anyone else around you. maybe you’re actually worse than the others because now you’re at the point where you have to try but you never learned how to try because success used to come naturally

think about how ‘the keyblade’ isn’t a thing anymore- it’s just ‘a keyblade.’ sora is now surrounded by lots of other wielders in his life, who just come in one after another. by kh3 it’s clear that having a keyblade, while still relatively rare in this modern world, maybe isn’t quite that special after all

there’s that awkward feeling of ‘hey am i really all that important in the world after all/maybe they’d be better suited for this than me’ but now there’s also the ‘how come i’m not even as good as i used to be’/what went wrong with me’. that’s a pretty awful double whammy of a self esteem blow. like idk imagine if you were that super smart neurodivergent kid and then when you grow up you find yourself placed in a group with a bunch of super smart neurotypical adults and you’ve evenly matched in achievements. except at this point they’re getting better and you’re getting worse

oh also the way that even though he’s getting dunked on he’s still being trusted with huge responsibilities anyway. imagine being told you suck at everything and your failures are your fault but then being told you still have to go on a mission to try and get stronger. i think tanking someone’s self esteem like that is probably going to make it hard for them to get better. it’s just a vicious circle. like sora is made fun of but then it’s brushed aside as hey we’re just joking around buddy we’re your friends! we still need you! even though you kinda suck! do this for us! we love you! like ouch. and sora is just :-) :’-) :-) ok! the whole time

tldr idk

[kaicubus]

Dating Wednesday Addams

warnings ✩° : mentions of violence, thats it.

pairing ✩° : wednesday addams x gn!reader

authors note ✩° : someone tell me not to get bangs like hers bc i already have curtain bangs and ive been prolonging my creepification but now its gettin real hard.

- Once you get close to Wednesday, keep in mind it’ll take a while, she kind of owns you in a way. Not in like a weird way or anything, but you're her special Y/n and hers only. That means that if anyone comes close to you with any romantic attraction, they're basically nothing but a corpse. Anything else she doesn't really care.

- At first she thought her feelings were pity towards you, then interest, then basically anything other than love because Wednesday Addams simply does not fall in love. That’s for her parents and her parents only.

- But maybe she’ll try just this once just for you.

- If you ever have any enemies or people who dislike you, chances are the person will be missing an appendage or two the next day. Bonus points to her if they actually put their hands on you, because that’s when she goes all out and reverts back to her childhood ways aka mindless torture, which is arguably worse than losing a finger or an ear.

- Not big on physical affection, I see her love language as more silent quality time. Maybe spending nights in her dorm as she works on her novel, not talking or anything but just being there is more than enough for her.

- Not big on physical affection YES but she will occasionally, very very rarely touch your pinky with hers as a signal she wants to hold your hand. Again, she’s ‘shy’ when it comes to that stuff, so when she instigates things it’s very slow and cautious.

- Wednesday secretly really loves when you get really excited about something she’s working on, example : her novel ((i think her stories are neat...)) and she even breaks her persona with a little smile, letting you know she appreciates the positive feedback.

- Stares at you SO much, it’s just a little creepy...psh nahhhh...but she finds herself mindlessly looking at you at multiple times of the day, out in public, in your dorm, in class, she basically is just staring holes into your head. Not out of violence or anything, she just stares. Doesn’t blink. Just stares.

- When you catch her looking at you, she gets the tiniest bit ‘nervous’ and starts blinking quickly and looking away. That’s also how you mess with her if you’re into that.

- If she feels extra nice one day, she’ll lend you a book of hers to show her admiration towards you. Especially if it’s one of her favorite authors. Or a hardcover.

- To be honest, I don't see Wednesday being the type to kiss you often, or even at all. But that’s not a bad thing! Many relationships make do without that kind of stuff. However there are some times where she’ll kiss the back of your hand, as she’s seen her father on endless occasions with her mother, because she just appreciates you so much—even if she doesn't show it expressively.

- Calling her Weekend instead of Wednesday as a joke and her actually liking the nickname to the point if you call her Wednesday in the same tone you do when you call her Weekend she gets kind of upset.

- Using love with Wednesday feels a bit off, but she really enjoys listening to her old music with you. You even learn how to use a record player for her ((if you don't know already, which i don't so...)) and now you're able to freely switch songs and play the ones both you and her like, like La Bruja by Tlen Huicani and Lino Chavez.

- She doesn't get jealous but if she sees you with another person and laughing with them the same way you laugh with her, she gets VERY offended. Wednesday will pop up behind you as you're talking to a friend or a classmate and stare there giving them the Kubrick stare until they back away and leave out of sheer fear and discomfort.

- No matter what you do, Wednesday is always super impressed. If you stand up for yourself? Impressed. If you get a good grade on a test you've been studying for? Impressed. If you straight up vandalize something and get away with it? Impressed.

- Scary. Movie. Dates. No, not Legally Blonde. But like actual horror movies and psychological thrillers that she actually likes. I’m talking Scream ((jenna ortega reference)), Pet Sematary, and all the Saws series. ((i’m so sorry if this is inaccurate but these are all movies i personally like but am also afraid of, especially pet sematary...but basically just any old horror movie, she’s not too picky when it comes to horror.))

- Always sneaking off together to solve mysteries or explore at night. There’s also moments where she runs way faster than you, so she ends up grabbing your hand and pulling you to safety without another thought.

[luffyvace]

STRAW HAT HEADCANONS

YUP YUP

as a thx for being patient for me not posting all day-

you get the whole crew!! :)

(some of these are based off true stories i’ve heard of from my friends 😭🧍‍♀️)

Luffy

never a peaceful day goes by

hes the type of guy that has to make noise if it’s “too silent”

like bro can’t we get some peace and quiet??

thrives in chaos

his eye to hand coordination is on point bc this man doesn’t think before he does ANYTHING

steals things from his crew even

if he sees something he likes he just takes it

he goes into the bathroom, puts boogers on the tissue then leaves

doesn’t even take it off or flush it

the next person who has to use that bathroom is mortified

when nami finds out and holds a whole meeting to find out who did this terrible act of crime

they find out it’s him he just laughs

per usual

stop this madness.

(he doesn’t)

Zoro

also a menace

not as straightforward with it though

its more like if he gets water everywhere when washing his hands

or spills his drink when pouring it

or pee all over the toilet

he’s kinda like oh whoops

(for future reference- my apologies for who ever you simp for here bc these headcanons don’t hold back)

anyway

sometimes he doesn’t shower after he trains

and just walks in the kitchen full body REEKING 😭😭😭

seriously dude take a shower

”i’ll cool off eventually”

THAT AINT GONNA GET RID OF THE STENCH

it makes me doubt he changes his underwear often enough

he leaves empty water bottles everywhere

it’s worse in the crows nest trust

Nami

thankfully this poor victim isn’t nearly as much as a menace

as long as you pay your beli

is genuinely willing to wait as long as it takes to get that money

and if you die she’s taking your life insurance

if your a pirate and have none she probably just takes whatever money and belongings you own

if it’s gems she’ll keep them but otherwise

she sells your clothes and other stuff that’s not worth much

smells like flowers

yes i said it

every time she comes out the shower something chaotic has happened

ah what a refreshing shower..

WHAT DO YOU MEAN LUFFY UPSET ANOTHER GOD 😱

😡✊ 🤣 💥 😓 😑

you can guess what happened

Usopp

his luck heavily fluctuates

sometimes he can get away with stealing. from. nami.

wow.

to other times getting blamed for farting

by luffy

and no one likes that feeling

has a better fashion sense but just chooses to dress how he does

no reason really

he can do hair and paint nails

nail painting he learned from kaya

would love horse back riding if he tried

he would suck at first tho

likes little children but they always end up beating him up for some reason

‘his cooking isn’t that good!’

‘let’s jump him!’

‘yeah!!’

besides the usopp pirates—they just do

Sanji

he could pull if he just stopped simping so hard

opla sanji is proof

his favorite thing to cook is spicy foods

him and chopper bond over spices bc some are good for your health and all

chopper sometimes recommends new herbs to put in foods

and vice versa for medicine

he helps chopper shop for herbs and such

if zoro wasn’t his big brother it was def be sanji

i love this duo it need more screen time

Sanji is a natural with children

which is why i wanna know why he ain’t wifed up yet?!

still hasn’t had his first kiss

prob would’ve genuinely married pudding if she was regular girl or at least not a big mom pirate

Chopper

sweetest person ever

looks up to all the straw hats

so he picks up bad habits from them

and is influenced by them easily

they use him as a tie breaker for stuff

they all bribe him to picking they’re option

usually robin, nami, sanji or zoro wins

robin bc she uses her psychological knowledge

nami bc she offers to buy his doctor stuff (which is rare)

sanji bc they have a close bond and relate to each other

and zoro bc they’re bond too (and bc he scares him sometimes- like that time in water 7)

asks people to help him with his doctor research

everyone was willing until the time usopp had diarrhea

then he could only convince luffy to do it 😭

Robin♥︎

her stare scares the rest of the straw hats

if it’s not a genuine smile and more like a distant stare that is

shes always observing and watching

theres no hiding secrets from her

she’s knows all

she actually reminds me of a friend i had irl and idk how to feel abt it

she wasn’t a bad person

she was just

just like robin 🧍‍♀️

anyway

i wonder if robin would read stephen king?

she would prob big up the book

only for them to find out it’s pretty dark

she prefers tea over coffee any day

its healthier w more health benefits

it just suits her taste pallet more

plus it doesn’t stain your teeth yellow n stuff..

Franky

SO LOUD

the second he gets up-

SUPERRRRRRR

its kinda annoying

he doesn’t care much if you don’t like it

Luffy is louder ok

your fine

wants robin to think he’s cool

if you don’t get something he said he doesn’t feel like repeating himself

either leaves out more details the more he explains it

or stares at you until you get it

constantly requesting american food for dinner

he doesn’t mind noodles and other around the world dishes

but can he get some pizza??

is that too much??

actually such a kind and considerate person

can relate to sanji on his kindness and empathy being his superpower

♡♡BROOK♡♡

needs so much more attention

the only one who still laughs at his skull jokes are luffy and chopper

sometimes usopp if it was a good one

loves to exchange books with robin but..

sometimes they’re a bit scary

(dude your a skeleton…YOUR SCARY-)

robin listens to him well bc he has a wealth of knowledge

he is 90 after all

maybe brook gets his clothes tailored??( bc who makes clothes so skinny a skeleton could fit them?!)

can play instruments no ones ever even HEARD OF before

randomly re-realizes his generation of people is dead

like now he has to accommodate with the youngsters 😭

i mean people in one piece live pretty long

but still they’re not out here kickin it n allike they used to

like rayliegh-

except he’s younger-

way younger-

ok so maybe whitebeard

but he was still jukin-

IDK MAN

one piece people are weird..

JINBEI

idk much about him especially but imma try

he’s so cool

he can prob cook really well

has very good survival and leader skills

plus instincts

wait how old is he??

ok

looked it up he’s 46

so he’s the 2nd oldest

technically would be first if brook wasn’t a moving pile of bones

yohohoho!

my apologies your right this is jinbei.

ok

i feel like he can dance

like he knows traditional dances of all sorts

i mean he could travel under water pretty fast

he should be able to visit different places right?

besides, he was a warlord

of course he did!

i feel he wouldn’t be a simp

as in for boa specifically

like he’s like i got too much going on to simp over some youngster

ik he ain’t real old or anything

but my dude a grown man

bro ain’t got time

he’s too busy being himothy

i feel he’d like poems

jinbei’s was like the most serious one. and that was still all over the place itself-

i take it back probably chopper or robin

this was fun but it took so long. it’s ok u guys enjoy :). i’m off to watch some anime 🏃‍♀️

oh my GOODNESS. so many tags 🤓

[boxwinebaddie]

How/when does Jersey end up saying I love you?

oooooh! okay, so i was going to write it out ( i am jennifer slowpez so in nina fashion, i am spoiling it, what's new? ) but there is a part after this...if we remember this ask i am obsessed with where raven is diabolically patching jersey up via the tiny child sized hellokitty carebear bandids kyle bought for the kids he works w in the elementary school via that one anons delicious input...genius really.

*raven vc* pero like, so you know, they pull away it's awkward fml. dawg, they are about to *dreamy fit asf rm tolkien posh british vc* have a cheeky little snog like that entire whumpshot...anyways!

( ALRIGHT THIS IS LONG, VERY UNHINGED AND ROUGH SORRY I HOPE YOU SMILE LAUGH AND CRY PENDEJOS <3 )

kyle notices that the vinyl record player is playing their sadie hawkins first dance song ( idk what song it is but its an abba song because thats gay rights baby! its probably my love, my life or andante andante...branch in my eyes ) and theres a bowl of skittles, but only the red ones are in it...because stan still eats around the red ones bc only kyle can have the red ones....brb crying!

yadda yadda yadda. and i think on the tv, the screen is paused over a brand new episode of say yes to the dress ( if we recall, before i deleted chapter six...which was a disaster but also a masterpiece rip, ravenstan was being so boyfail cute in it in his armani suit and was rizzing the hell out of kyle with his crunchy boy knowledge of plants...when stan came over for their #hate fashionably late, kyle was stress-watching say yes to the dress...which is his favorite show because he claims to be allergic to romance, but secretly thinks its really beautiful that people can fall and love and get married...AAA )

but anyways, when they start dating say yes to the dress ( shoutout to when ravenstan forgot what it was called bc adhd and called it Are You Down With The Gown ) became their show and kyle very quietly is like "were you going to watch it?" and stan getting nervous, trying to deflect because they always watch it together is like uhuhuhHhHh and kyle, sad laugh shaking his head is like "baby" *yersey swearing* "dude...baby dude...my guy...just guy, fuck, you know you can watch it without me. we're not...Together. *hurts worse than his ribs* you don't have to wait for me." and stan is like "i-i know. i was going to...i-i Wanted to! i just--i couldn't. i couldn't watch all the people in...."

Love :(

he doesn't say it. but jersey kyle can FEEL it.

he winces. hard.

he wants to fucking die...he wants to say something but he's so stupid and he ruined ravenstan's life, words fail him but STAN!!! grabs his hand and is like "-because! because i knew it would make me miss you. and fuck it. FUCK EVERYTHING KYLE I FUCKING MISS YOU!!!! i miss you and i LOVE you and i don't--i don't care if you can't say it back! i don't have to wait for you, but i WILL! i want to! i'll--i'll wait forever! YOURE MY FOREVER. people tell me they love me everyday, but with you--i can feel it. I. Just. Know. and that's enough! you're enough. YOURE ENOUGH, KYLE BROFLOVSKI. just the way you are. and i'm sorry...i'm sorry i pushed you and tried to change you. i was just, i was insecure about it i guess--and--and--"

cue kyle smiling like an idiot ( the rare kyle smile ) like "...stan?"

ft. stan still yapping smh like "oh my god, i miss you SO much! curb only got into the trash because you weren't here to remind me. and i had pasta from this five star restaurant the other day and oh my god, ky. it was TRASH! yours is so much better! and-and i think i broke the washing machine earlier, oh my god, it sounded like an explosion, i can't find anything, i--"

kyle...literally still trying to get stans attention smh going

"stan? hey? stan???? Stan???"

stans still yapping btw ( oh my god when he is passionate the man never shuts the hell up hes like rambling himself into a corner ) like "and theres this new exhibit in the aquarium and theres this huge red fish in it and i wanted to send it to you and be like 'this you' but were fighting and I HATE FIGHTING WITH YOU. can we stop fighting? :< i miss you. will you please come home? curb misses you, i miss you, i--"

*jersey vc* STANLEY MARSH!

*stan doing the wide flustered doe eye thing with the lip ring lip bite combo that makes kyle like actually criminally insane with love feels*

speaking of...

he leeeeeeeeeeeeeeans in...

gently grasps ravenstan's face

KISSES THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SHIT OUT OF HIM.

and says

and i quote...

"Te amo." <3

AAAAAAAAAA AND THE CROWD GOES WIIIIIIILD :')

-uncle nina, gratuitous undivorcer of ravesey style

[capn-twitchery]

buttercup for twitch and grace

Buttercup - Does your OC have any odd quirks/habits?

OOO let me think >:3c twitch up first but honestly it would be quicker to list what Isn't odd about twitch

obvious one is refusing to be seen without their glasses, those are very important!!

since they spend so much time at zee, they tend to walk oddly and sway when they're on dry land. zee legs too strong, ruined their real legs. (i wish i could find an irl example but this incredibly low quality jack sparrow video will have to do)

they are never, ever, still. if they're talking, they're gesturing. if they're thinking, they're pacing. if they're sitting, they're fidgeting around. if they're sleeping they are swinging the hammock. perpetual motion machine

terrible habit of hopping over the ship railing and just hanging over the side of the ship, for no reason whatsoever. yes they have fallen off before, yes they will fall off again, no this will not stop them

they make way too intense eye contact. you can't really tell, since you can't see their eyes, but i'm not sure if that makes it better or worse actually

not sure if this counts as a quirk but they 100% laugh way too loud. laugh you can pick out across a crowded bar

for grace:

he hums & whistles to himself a lot when he's alone working on tasks--mostly sea shanties the crew used to sing on expeditions

he won't go to zee (on the rare occasions he does now) without a sketchbook, some watercolours + something to read. he's seen cabin fever at its worst and wants to keep his mind busy

a semi-rich upbringing & navy training affect all of his mannerisms--he was there for a long time. perfectly pressed clothes, perfectly made bed, walk like you have so much purpose everyone gets out of your way instinctively even though he looks like a sad wet dog

he's Very still & calm, doesn't gesture much when he talks & is very good at staying stoically polite & approachable. (you can tell when he's stressed bc this starts to crack. if he's pacing he's 0.2 seconds away from a breakdown)

when he's nervous, he kind of obsessively attends to "duties." on a ship that means keeping extra tabs on crew & supplies, constantly making sure everything is accounted for, offering help to anyone within range. otherwise, it means cleaning. a lot.

internalised enforced politeness also means he greets almost everyone with a handshake like it's a goddamn business meeting. this is the only physical contact you will ever get out of him bc he values his personal space too much otherwise

has a habit of just kind of hanging around, in case he can help. he finds it difficult to know what to do with himself when he's not needed

Flowery OC Asks

[faithlesbian]

buffyangel gender roles transfem angel - when angel gets possessed by that girl ghost in season 3? insane and the guy ghost picks buffy to inhabit beautiful

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER SEASON 2 EPISODE 19 I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU EPISODE OF ALL TIME!!!!!

for real this ep is up there among my whole show favourites because of how directly it engages with buffy's self-blame over angel losing his soul through, of all things, the medium of genderswapping ghost possession. this is gonna get Long just to warn you

the way this episode is set up is so so so genius. they could've made it a very simple story about an evil abuser and an innocent victim, but instead they recognised that the situation demanded more than that. real life rarely follows a simple story, and it can often be hard to recognise a relationship for what it is when it doesnt fit that template. buffy finds it very hard to think of herself as a victim, and she blames herself for "killing" the angel that she loved and turning him into the monster he is now, which is why she hates the ghost of this boy as much she does - she fears that she has done something worse than just murder her lover. she could have all her friends and family tell her this wasnt her fault and i dont think she would fully believe them, but through the possession she is told that if it was her fault, if she did kill angel, she would be loved and forgiven anyway.

the role that gender plays in this episode is Crucial. despite setting out to subvert the horror movie blonde cheerleader victim trope, btvs often falls into a pattern of men as monsters and women as victims. in this world, no male character is exempt from seeing women sexually, even gay characters like larry and andrew perform misogynistic sexual degradation of women that's played for laughs. it's just "how all men are". conversely, as evil as women can be on btvs, their sexual violence against men is never taken seriously (see all the times xander is assaulted that just never get addressed). this episode complicates the binary of men as monsters and women as victims as part of its overall complication of these roles by having the final possession play out the way it does. angel, the "man" who is textually a monster, becomes a woman who was a victim of a crime of passion, while still remaining the older person who got into a relationship with a teenager despite knowing it was wrong. buffy, the innocent young girl, becomes an angry murderous boy, while still remaining an emotional teenager making rash choices in the name of love. the disruption of these concrete ideas of monster and victim (and their gendered natures within the show) allows buffy to realise she needs to forgive herself.

obviously this whole plot is doing fascinating things with gender, but the ending stands out to me specifically because of how angel reacts. textually he feels disturbed by the reminder of his humanity and feels the need to go out and do evil vampire things to feel affirmed in his monstrosity, but i also think its interesting how buffy, who often feels robbed of her sense of girlhood by her role as the slayer, isn't perturbed at all by briefly becoming a man. the subversion of gender roles was central in their relationship prior to him losing his soul, with buffy being the strong capable hero, and angel her damsel in distress -- buffy has for the most part reconciled with the perceived masculinity of her strength and doesnt feel that it makes her any less of a girl. angel, on the other hand, who has now had to take on a more masculine role as patriarch of the vampire family (in darla's absence) is freaking out not just because of the reminder of humanity but bc he was briefly literally buffy's girl -- something he wants more than he can let on, soul or no.

[foolshoujo]

@miskick reminded me about the health check, can we talk about the health check let's talk about this bc iku/tsuki is sooooo unslick if you know right. i know, you know.

so that whole deal doubles two fold, with the very clear intention of iku/tsuki( who all things considered so far in reload, & i may have to double back to this depending to strike this out or expand on it, has def been a proper worker bee for kiri/jo corp like while he doesnt outright say it its more properly implied that a lot of the reports, support, study, etc are for him as a researcher tasked as the liaison for ki/rijo to watch over sees. thats the whole reason hes no doubt the chairman bc he has to be the guy who keeps the former test site under lock right ok ) abusing his place of power & responsibility to run tests on the mc because he fucking knows they are the key to awaking the prince & summon nyx. it also serves as the convenient way for u to run home late so that u can have that moment w/ ta/kaya but its not about him rn & thats like metagame shit kjsfdha

anyways i find this fascinating because it does come from a place of concern. the constant use of persona does strain on the body just like the dark hour strains on the body. realistically it's smart to have a routine check up & the fact that ikutsuki waits so long to really push this, even if the order is from a legit higher up source & not him specifically as it is vague as to why( even mitsu/ru is like UHM ?? we have to do WHAT which was a hilarious red flag that this was most likely ikuts/uki vs kirij/o u feel me, u get it. ), seems very hmMM to me. it most certainly feels like to me at least a way to sneakily do a proper once over to the mc both to properly try to find some clue as to the whole multiperso/na bit & also again, iku/tsuki knows the mc is harboring the 13th shadow. like the mc's check up is long too, like its implied these were like an hour or so at most for everyone else a standardized fitness & probs a few psych evals but nothing heavy ? no doubt there is probably some medical equipment to examine one's persona thats off screen lore nonsense but still. my point is why was the mc's check up so long, why did we suddenly have to do this ? hmm ? ikuts/uki, i see you i see you workin for ur own gain.

&& like im right, literally look at what he did to the hundred kids in the persona program ki/rijo ran. he was head of that ! he was the one behind those cruel experiments, testing, & behind the drug strega uses & distributes to shi/nji. two words, one name: min/azuki sh/o. like iku/tsuki is just using the same methods in different ways to get the scientific data he needs to fuel his objective.

all of this to say is he's suspicious. i'm most certainly taking this & adapting it into my canon, however i think while mi/nato's check up is norm---- mina/ko's has an issue, the power of the 13th shadow as it now is stronger thanks to the several full moon shadows now rejoined with it overloads most if not all equipment attached to min/ako. technically this would be in the form of ph/aros within min/ako lashing out against a threat he can't understand. the two of them are symbiotic, they are also not stupid. mi/nako has been uncomfortable around ikuts/uki since the start. like something in the pit of her stomach just twists & turns if he's too close or she's alone with him. all of mi/nako's tests turn inconclusive & she leaves for the day, late with the events to run into tak/aya happen as they would in reload bc i like that thats fun & not at all traumatizing to mi/nako who is also violently uncomfortable around revolver jesus complex. however as she's leaving & gone, ik/utsuki has a fucking meltdown within the room he used to look at the results, lashing out in a rare moment of lost composure. in a way he can tell the shadow hosted within her metaphorical womb wants nothing to do with him, with the plan to summon nyx. all this does is make things worse. all it does is aid in the severe escalation toward the night on the observatory where he plans to sacrifice min/ako personally. i've gone into both that night & how i view iku/tsuki as obsessed with mi/nako almost viewing her akin to a saint for death & the fall here & this sorta of scene & reexamination of it really just adds to it.

uhh hey lol hi whatup

[aqqleshiqqing-archive]

me rushing to your bed like that candance MOM HOLY FUCK meme with chicken soup bc mwa anyways let's get this bread 💬 with jaide stone and zinnia since women hating women is a thing 😔🤙 (might throw you more idk) also highly honored to have my ocs in your s/i list 🫡 those are my boys

i may not be drinking chicken soup but i have nice tea to warm my itchy throat ✨✨ thank you mwamwa also of COURSE i have to include some of your OCs especially clear. it's almost hard for me to imagine the story without maroon or clear in it 😭

okay. oh no. my switch has been flickered. you decided to ask ME about ZINNIA? aka the woman who completely altered ruby's childhood? while I understand her hatred towards steven and devon corp itself she's still got issues that im not EXCUSING MF 💥 women hate women still exists im afraid and jaide stone is nothing but a hater when this lady comes around 💥

okay so let's start in the R/S arc. the salamence event happens, ruby gets injured. sounds easy right? sure, but why did it even happen in the first place? nobody knew where the salamence came from - that's what jaide held the biggest contempt for.

"who in the world, was this sick and twisted to allow their dragon creature come to fight harmless children?"

she didn't have the answers yet, but the day would get even worse when she also learns that steven's devon corporation has gone through with an accident that had something to do with... releasing the sky legend. and it was because of a salamence as well. while I imagine steven refusing to disclose that specific detail about caging a beast down (corporation secrets, you know?) it's still easy to tell jaide that he's very upset, combined with him learning what happened to ruby too. it was not a great day for anyone, not even professor birch, I'm sure.

but from that day onward, jaide would do her best to find out the perpetrator that caused this trauma on the children, she's not just doing this for ruby, but for sapphire as well. she's had this same feeling as before, when gold gets in trouble for dealing with the evil scums of the g/s/c arc. she just knew that feeling too well, and didn't want it to happen again. her willpower to find out the truth keeps expanding as she's forced to watch the strained relationship between ruby and steven become stronger as time goes by - they rarely talk about that incident, but it's like a core memory to everyone involved there.

proceeding to the oras arcs, i can't really imagine jaide to be very involved from the get-go, but that would be until she would learn about the meteorite that would come to destroy all of hoenn - she's more or less of a supporting character. i would have to reread this again to give you a full answer on what she can do

but let's skip to the good part, when jaide does learn that zinnia was the one responsible for all this. i can't remember the sequence of events too well, but let's assume it all happened on this part where zinnia brings fourth the reformed magma and aqua team. (again i could be assuming the sequence of events wrong but yeah shh)

she has no idea who she is, but from the way she spoke so lowly about devon (a company that everyone loves) and having that intimidating salamence by her side - she couldn't help but assume maybe this could be the one. combined with jaide's smart sense of pokemon nature reading - she can only assume it was the aggressive salamence that fought without rhyme or reason from years ago + the same salamence also attacked steven's corporation.

i like to imagine jaide didn't say much as first, as she's not one to be so brash and act upon it quickly and allows zinnia to proudly monologue about her plans, slowly trying to understand what's going on. part of her plan includes stealing the keystones to win the favor of the sky beast, and who else had a keystone? steven stone.

sending out her goodra, it immobilzes steven with its goo and commands it to steal his stickpin - jaide panics but steven wanted her out of this. but just in the nick of time:

ruby comes in a clutch to stop the goodra from stealing his stickpin. distracted, jaide would try to lunge at zinnia and try to apprehend her and keep her in place - grabbing her wrists and looking at her dead in the eyes - quite the angry mother, huh? while she didn't understand the whole context of what's going on, she knew that zinnia was bad business and wanted her to talk it out. that's when jaide asks her to confirm her speculations

"your salamence, that was the same one from 9 years ago, wasn't it? it wrecked havoc in the corporation."

zinnia would snicker.

"of course! it was also thanks to a little boy that made it even more agitated, and it broke off the cages to set the sky legend free."

her suspicions would be correct, it was the same one that harmed her son 9 years ago. the events lined up exactly with the woman's words.

jaide... was furious. but, she can't just fight all of a sudden, it's not like her but the least she can do was to call upon her ursaring to keep zinnia pinned - I mean, she got the boss, right?

zinnia would snicker at steven again.

"you're married? it would seem you're not the most honest husband around."

jaide assumed she was just... trying to piss her off. but in reality, jaide was missing a few chunks of context that steven had regrettably hidden away from her.

ruby stopped his mother from being passive aggressive towards the perpetrator, and would give up his and emerald's keystone bracelets just to simply say that he "wants this to be over."

it wouldn't be long before zinnia sets out, thanking ruby for the keystones and flying out of the place. jaide was stunned, steven looked dejected again.

it would seem he still has to clear up a few things about what he and his father does for a living.

it's complicated to be a family and business man at the same time.

[bonesandthebees]

I am so mad rn I fell asleep at like 7 pm I didn't mean to I just woke up and was hoping it was at least like idk 3 am but NO it's 11:30 pm and im not tired enough to go back to sleep so now I have to choose to either stay awake and be on my phone or lay in the dark and hope that's enough to lull me to sleep and I'm pissed bc I have a full day ahead tomorrow and I'm not asleep right now so I'm going to be miserable in the morning but I'm not staying at my house rn so my body is doing the weird thing it does when you stay at a friends house and it's weird about sleeping and I kind of wanna hurl myself off of a cliff rn and my phone is lagging as I write this out and it's pidssing me off even more

But yes I enjoyed the one shot I don't remember its name right now but the qsmp one it was very good and I loved the ichor children concept that's so cool :)

Oh anon I’m so sorry as someone who has dealt with anxiety-induced insomnia to the point where I had to get therapy for it I know the frustration with not being able to fall asleep. Currently my go to solution whenever I’m not tired and can’t sleep is the anxiety meds I got prescribed for that exact issue lol, but obviously you can’t do that so here are my tips

If possible, find some melatonin or at least see if you have chamomile tea. If you don’t have either of those, what usually works for me is to turn on a long YouTube video on my phone and just watch until I get sleepy. Old vods are always a good option if you want something to be interested in, but it’s probably better to watch them from a calmer cc (Niki had a super long let’s play series where she played a story game called beyond two souls and I used to listen to that whenever I had trouble sleeping).

My current go to for sleepy videos are either ASMR videos (but I know those aren’t everyone’s tastes), or two specific channels: Baumgartner Restoration or NileRed. Baumgartner is the channel of an art conservator who makes long and very detailed videos showing his conservation and restoration process for paintings clients send him. It’s so fascinating to watch, and his voice is really calming at the same time. I literally turn on a video of his every night before I sleep and rarely get more than 5 minutes into it before I’m passing out. NileRed is a slightly more…energized channel of a guy who does a lot of weird and cool chemistry! His voice is also really even-toned and calming to listen to, but the main reason his stuff helps me sleep is the minute he starts explaining ochem concepts I knock tf out. I did a full years worth of ochem in college it’s like an instinctual reaction to want to pass out hearing it again 😭

Anyway. Find some videos like the ones I suggested—preferably at least 45 min or longer. Just watch it and try to focus on the content rather than the fact that you can’t sleep. If you start getting sleepy, great! If you’re unsure but you’re kind of tired, try closing your eyes and just listening to the video. I’ve fallen asleep like that so many times before it’s my last resort method

Hope that helps!

(oh and last note: if you can't fall asleep again, try to remind yourself that's okay. the more you stress about not being able to sleep, the worse it'll get. even just laying in your bed with your eyes shut will help you feel more rested.)

[hopeswriting]

Aaaaa what did you think of the primo generation? I loved how the anime dedicated an entire arc to them! Alaude showed up and I started rioting bc HOT ??? VERY HOT MAN ???

honestly because of your ask i just realized i actually think very rarely about the first gen, if at all lol. and i would need to rewatch their arc and reread the shimon arc where we learn a lot about them to share anything substantial here, but that said, i like them!

gorgeous designs for sure, yes, and that’s just amano for you. most of her characters are so goddamn pretty and for what?? add to that her gorgeous art style, and we have no choice but to stan and simp. and that of course includes alaude for me too, but idk if it’s the blond hair or what lol, but funnily enough even if hibari, fon and alaude are practically triplets, for me hibari and fon still one up him, sorry. 💔 also giotto is so drop-dead gorgeous that’s not even funny, and i actually DIG the blond hair this time lol.

so that was for the simping moment lmao, but on another note i’ve always thought it a bit of a shame that amano was so heavy-handed with the “the 10th gen are the second coming of the 1st gen” angle. i think it’d have been fun if she had just made them basically twins physically, but then let them be different from each other while maybe still giving them the same ideals/principles. but not only their appearance, but their weapons/fighting style too, as well as their personality and circumstances, and even their dynamics overlap so much she could as well have confirmed reincarnation to be part of her world-building lol.

one thing i’ve always liked too is that line giotto says in response to tsuna’s resolution during the vongola trial. something like “i’ve been waiting for you” i believe? which i find so interesting because tsuna’s resolution was to burn vongola down to the ground before ever taking responsibilities for its sins and allowing them to continue. and when you think about how, through the rings, giotto saw vongola turn into a bloody and hungry for ever more power empire when he created it to help people no one else was willing to help, and saw the vongola bosses after him who either were leading vongola further along that bloody path or were trying not to but also didn’t do anything to change how bloody it was, it’s like... what was he saying there? what did he mean? that he was waiting for someone who’d see too that at this point, starting vongola from scratch again was the only way to save it? and for someone who was willing--resolute to do that before ever allowing it to become worse? or that he ended up wishing vongola would just disappear instead of keeping flourishing while having turned into what it did? idk, more likely he was just saying “finally someone is willing to put in the work to change vongola back to what it was and what i meant it to be”, but it’s interesting to think about.

thank you for the ask!

[myfriendskickass]

we still need to clean the house (still doing basement maintenance) and i need to find adhd friendly ways to clean frequently enough to eliminate all my OTHER environmental allergies first bc i am allergic to cats technically but if/when i get a new cat i cant just LEAVE THEM smh

@vergess does this sound like mcas to you

brief allergy history overview for context:

allergic to dust, pollen (esp ragweed), cat and dog dander, mold, cigarette smoke apparently?? a couple of other things supposedly idr i got dx'd in 1999

was on allergy meds of various kinds from age 5 to present plus allergy shots starting every 2 weeks graduating to every month. meds i REMEMBER taking (remember i started at age 5.): zyrtec twice a day rx until it went otc (idr dosage), rhinocort (idr if rx or otc). stopped that at some point idr when or why. rx patanol twice a day. saline nose spray twice a day. allergy shots never make me react more than some itchiness.

got the cat in 8th grade. allergist was NOT happy about it. reaction was itchy eyes for like 2 weeks that eventually stopped.

went to college in early 2010s. allergist said i dont need shots anymore. no access to allergist meant i stopped using the patanol unless my eyes got SUPER itchy because at the time it was rx only. continued to take otc generic zyrtec 10mg twice a day. (i was on liquid until like high school bc i couldnt swallow pills so when i switched to pills i continued the same dosage which...is HONESTLY pediatric now that i think about it, but even at 18 it still worked? i was still very skinny though)

then 3 years into college i started getting acid reflux so bad i couldn't eat plain lettuce. got an endoscopy done. got dx'd with eosinophilic esophagitis. got put on 40mg sodium pantoprazole (insurance would not cover nexium.) once a day. (COINCIDENTALLY GAINED A LOT OF WEIGHT AFTER THIS HMM)

went back to same allergist i have been seeing since i was 5. got a skin test done. was told i was MORE reactive (especially to cat :() than i was in 1999...all from 3 years without allergy shots? at least on the skin test. started shots again. got blood tested for food allergies. results seem to fluctuate whether i ate that thing before testing (ie whether it comes up as higher than what the bloodwork calls "level 0/equivocal") two constant and consistent results are hazelnuts and carrots (which have ALWAYS given me acid reflux)

i go back to gi with these results. they tell me i might have GERD. (allergist, when told of my eosinic dx, says "ugh i hope not, you need a liquid diet to deal with that."). second endoscopy after a month on the proton pump inhibitor. acid damage is healing. they tell me its safe to stay on pantoprazole long term.

fast forward to today, 9 years later. i take 10 mg of zyrtec otc twice a day. i tried flonase, did nothing. allegra is too hard to swallow. getting monthly allergy shots. rinse my nose out with saline when i remember to. take otc patanol extra strength once a day (package says to and its easier to remember than twice a day). i skip pantoprazole until the acid reflux gets very bad because 1. makes me gain weight 2. unsure about how safe it is long term 3. i just forget sometimes. i stopped eating all food allergens EXCEPT dairy because whether whey shows up as an ige allergy seems to fluctuate and also i love cheese. i am working on it.

SYMPTOMS, though: constant post nasal drip. (no change from childhood.) nose is stuffier but managed with saline. general constant low level cold symptoms (stuffy nose, very rare slight cough) eyes water only if i forget to use eyedrops. sometimes i get itchy but no hives, no redness. acid reflux when i skip the ppi or eat carrots. i gave up nutella entirely because nut allergies can apparently get worse out of the blue very fast. ragweed season gives me watery eyes and stuffy nose almost 24/7 but no wheezing or breathing issues. ANIMAL DANDER, my biggest concern, gives me itchy watery eyes DEPENDING on how clean the environment is. (i was completely fine in a small house for 12 hours with 4 cats and 3 dogs, fine in my sister's house for 6-8 hours with a shibe, but not fine in a house with 3 cats thats never vaccuumed, and not fine in my sister's car that had no shibe in it.) (not fine is still just minor eye symptoms)

cat died in 2017 so i no longer have long term exposure but dander supposedly stays in the house right? towards the end of his life, we let him in my previously off limits room that had a knockoff hepa filter running 24/7 with no issues. he was not in my room 24/7. currently i have a purezone i think??? hepa filter running 8-6 hours a day because the blue light is required for it to function. i try to change it every 3 months but sometimes i forget.

i really want another cat...even though my allergist is of the "you shouldn't be exposing yourself to any allergens on purpose" mentality. she DOES think mcas exists. she also said its safe to take 10mg cetirizine hcl 4x a day. people tell me allergies can get worse with exposure over time but then how would allergy shots work?

things i wonder about and will ask her next appointment: i am no longer 18 and 90lbs soaking wet- is 10mg of zyrtec once a day enough? did i build a tolerance? should i go back to twice a day?

my current goals:

i will use saline more often. vaccuum and dust more. keep my air filter running 24/7. IF i get a cat, no access to my room ever. i will feed it that purina food scientifically proven to lower the amount of allergen in their dander.

my big fear is 1. i have mcas which makes any allergy exposure a risk 2. people are correct unfortunately and allergy exposure DOES make it worse and that getting a cat now will give me anaphylaxis in the future :( (but then how do allergy shots work???)

i have never experienced anaphylaxis. i have never needed an epi pen. i never needed benadryl.i still don't react to the allergy shots. reactions to pet dander are mild annoying itchy eyes that depend on how clean the area is and also don't always last for the entire time i am exposed anyway. but my bloodwork shows inflammation a lot but no doctor has ever been concerned.

is this mcas??? it kind of looks more like i got sloppy with cleaning and med taking and also possibly built up a tolerance to zyrtec/gained enough weight that 10mg/a day is not enough anymore? allegra did nothing when i switched but i was also taking it 1x a day

my PLAN was get on top of every other allergen so that cat dander is the only thing i am exposed to on a daily basis BUT if this looks more like my allergies overall are just getting worse, i don't want to risk getting a cat just to have to rehome it.

lol sorry this adhd ramble was prompted by pc advice

i am NOT asking for medical advice! i am asking 1. what to ask my doctor in a way that wont make her fire me as a patient for getting a cat (right now she just says "its different when you own one" but i had one for 11 years with no issue so???) 2. does this match your experience as somebody with mcas

[pipedreams13]

much as i'd like to say jude in the play for 'a little life' isn't exactly what i imagine him to look like from the vague descriptions in the book, all it took was one small clip from the play to convince me that no person couldve been better for the role than james norton was

the performance is just so fucking moving like for just those two minutes of the scene i got so absorbed into their reality that i forgot mine even existed

james embodies jude so well its fuckin insane. From every subtle movement of his to his delivery reminds me of the jude i read in the book and i think thats beautiful

its so rare to find a piece of theatrical media that does justice to the book the way they did

its sad that i couldn't see the play bc well im not in europe but honestly, i don't think i couldve if i was there either. The book ripped my heart out, loved it dearly yet at the same time threw it onto the ground and stomped on it till it was just a sludge of meat and blood.

And i'm still at 'the happy years' and i just know that its gonna keep getting worse from here on :')

[mueritos]

On autism: I'm the same way with social events and high versus low sensory periods. For me, audio is a big issue. If there's too much going on, I found that putting an earbud in (reluctantly not both, bc my campus had a lot of traffic and it's good to be aware of surroundings), music or not, it helped process stuff less. I minimized social events between classes and inadvertently made time to decompress by going to quieter spots to study/do homework.

As for the feeling of being stared at: It's ironic, but masks really help me feel more incognito. That, and wearing a baseball cap that has my favorite pins. I also (again, inadvertently) had small stims with me at all times: a hairtie, drumming my fingers in a consistent rhythm on the sides of my legs as I walked, and a pen with a silent click (Bic Atlantic black pen, my beloved).

Also, sorry to hear that your therapist wasn't great about you bringing up autism! Might have mentioned before, but mine was skeptical and likely for good reason since she specialized with childhood development. Idk if your therapist is willing to learn or if it's even an option for you to seek one that'll understand what's up, but I wish you good luck. In the end, research and observing your own behavior with an outside viewpoint will be most of the work of figuring out what hinders/flourishes for you. I hope this helps, even a little!

oh goodness I related to a lot of what you expressed here. If audio becomes too much, it starts to twinge in my ear and it can be physically painful to stay where i am, and sometimes Ive had to cover my ears. Wearing headphones, blocking it out with stuff i want to hear has been helpful, but yea I also have a fear of not being aware of my surroundings, so I rarely have it on high. I have been letting myself be okay with leaving places to decompress and do work; Ive found that im happier now doin so! I also drum my fingers and like to rock, and im trying to let myself rock in class but there r some classes I have to be "professional" in since im a TA...so I have find other ways to stim >.< because just sitting here still for 3 hrs straight is really exhuasting. I might have to look into that pen because I love clicking pens!!! and yes, I love masks because it hides my face and i feel less stressed about people looking at me, but hats sound fun!! when its colder I wear beanies, and it always felt like a hug on my head (until it got itchy lol)

And thank you, it was honestly a weird experience with her and it made me sad tbh to realize it wasnt good. Even when I tried to bring up childhood instances and things that I felt related to my adolescence, it was just shut down. I'm still open to anything, maybe its just worse anxiety or just sensory issues, but idk. Its all weird. Im just happy that autistic people and other ND folks have been nothing but supportive and kind to me. Im not sure how to proceed with my therapist, and she has told me she could always refer me to someone who is more knowledgeable and who can diagnose if needed, but its another step toward going to someone new and somewhere new and it just freaks me out. Im definitely going to be more involved in the disability and nuerodivergence club on my campus tho since theyre the folks who comforted me after that session ;;

thank u! i wish u the best my friend :)