#like. theres nothing i can do. anything i try fucking fails. im not meant to do anything but to rot away and be forgotten

[gayspock]

ehrm

ithink thats the crazy thing too idontknow how to fucking bring myself to tell people i want to explode your fucking head . whatever my endless list goes neverending fucking cosmic cycles forcingyourself to try and like something try to find it in you to care everyone keep saying youre this fucking shallow you have no meaning in your life i cant find anything i keep fucking spinning my own wheels try to find people i keep trying i havent seen anyone in weeks again i just feel alienated every time i try to be with people ive tried so many times it feels like an endless exhausting fucking cycle until im consumed by it its in your head its fucking not in my head i keep thinkignabout how easily im left out how easily im forgotten i just feel so , so much fucking worse when i remember how fucking much i really cant just fucking exist and i cant fuckinmg keep up with it any more i slip out of existence so cleanly people dont notice and its fine to everyone because for all the "we wouldnt notice if you were gone"s the world can offer i dont think its evermeant anything but me i think i should try at something again lets do tjhat i do it for months i keep at it it makes no difference i fuckinjg hate it i resent it im not meant to fucking be so fucking overwhelmed by inadequacy i need ot fucking handle it but tis the only thing i feel like i can do endless fucking fail after fucking fail but fucking god christ just fill your fuckingdays with something but theres no one there and i hate doing it and i cant fucking handle it on my own i fucking sit there alone in my room i'm menat to fucking try one of these again its so fucking pointless everyoneelse can fucking cope (im not allowed to say that haha! xD) (everyone else is lonely they say ive not made human contacxt in weeks ive not spent time with someone irl for years i dont think ive ever had a friend thats existed outside of proximity and eventhen i can barely manage ) i fucking think about the stupid fucking headspins i can get myself in and how at the end of the day its just embarrassing it never mattersoutside of these 4 walls and im the only guy in here and i dont think i matter at all i think whatever the fuck i think about allthe multitudes of reasons people have dont kill yourself because of x, y, z hwo it never means anything theres never been a tangible reason other than the single fact youre so fucking scared youregoing to fuck that up to and you odntknow whats going to happen when you do but youre not meant to say that one youre meant to be yoruself youre meant to behonest but none of this is allowed i think i think x, y, z is meant to bewhat keeps you alive oh but thinkabout how much life you have left to live! i think about it stretching befgore me and im so so fuckingafraid and distraught i think i go catatonic for hours thinking about how its endless how im alone for these many years how its more years of foricng this shit along lets think about how many people would care i think i might endit i think im about to go feral and kill you right now think about whatyouve done with your life i fucking feel like im going to lose ittheres is. nothing. that. helps because there is not theres like the simple fact and thatsthat and theres no out of it im stuckkk heeheee

[peaterookie]

Lupin III Chapter 40 Review

hi tumblr it's me day 2 let's see how long i can go for once again never take any of this seriously this is just for fun ok thanks

this chapter starts out with a sussy looking man trying to escape out of prison!!! who the fuck is he????

from the left bottom panel over there we can see that he's been caught by the police, who then escorts him in a car with two other people who seem to know him

look at their faces thats very sus

then we switch to kid lupin in his mansion listening into the convo happening in the police's car it seems to be connected to the police's walkie talkie but suddenly! he is in shock and bolts out the house what did he hear in the walkie talkie?? and where is he going???

well well well the walkie talkie speaks of the various prison escapees... and one of them, the man whom we saw escaping earlier WAS NONE OTHER THAN LUPIN II, HIS FATHER!!!!!!!!!!!

i hate him so much anyways ahem ahem Lupin iii on the other hand runs out to a cemetery, which houses the gravestone of his father?? he is equally just as shocked to hear this chapter plot twist, his father whom he thought was dead was alive all along!?

apparently it was arsene lupin that told him that his father was dead, we never get told why he did it, but i wonder maybe because a lupin who fails at his job is no longer a lupin in his eyes, so since lupin ii was captured and thrown in jail, he is nothing but dead to him it can also possibly explain why lupin iii got put in so much rigorous training at such a young age and become conditioned to pass on arsene's legacy because his son couldnt but enough with overanalyzing the plot, let's move on

ANOTHER lady (i dont think its been the same one since this entire kid lupin series???) appears and says that she's known the truth for years now and i guess they just go back to the mansion ah yes ive learned that my father is actually alive lets not do anything about it nah jk hes probably trying to process everything poor kid

going back to lupin ii's side, the police turns out to be one of his allies and gets them out of prison along with handing them guns n shit then one of his friends just shoots the police??? and lupin ii is reasonably pissed like wtf you killed the dude that worked with us then the guy reasons that the guy is still a cop and they still shouldnt trust ok whatever fine lets go with that then

i cant bro is so angry apparently in this panel he says "HE WAS MY BEST CONTACT!" and im just wondering what he meant by that maybe its just tokyopop translation spouting bs again but it may just be something from the og manga im thinking maybe he was trying to monitor lupin iii? currently the plot isn't at the point where i can explain my idea though

now his next plan is to find lupin iii, whoom he claims is posing as a fake and his son was supposed to be dead???? shits getting wild

theres so much shit to absorb in just these panels

the cityscape looks so fucking cool???? i want to draw like that…

LUPIN III IS JUST LYING ON HIS COUCH HOLDING A TV UP TO HIS FACE??? HES JUST USING IT AS AN IPAD HELP IF THAT ISNT THE FUNNIEST WAY TO WATCH TV EVER IDK WHAT IS

LUPIN II JUST FUCKING POPS OUT OF NOWHERE??? IS BRO FLOATING PYCAL STYLE????

anyways lupin iii gets attacked by them prison men! lupin iii sees his dad and hes like you're not my dad prove it to me then lupin ii is like you're not my son!

then they like fight or something

lupin ii holds the woman earlier hostage and is about to rape her, then lupin iii says that they're surrounded by the police and hes about to get arrested anyway (this is so stupid) then lupin iii leaves thinking hell get arrested, and it turns out that the woman and lupin ii were just faking it and this was just a test for lupin iii

Panel 1: "You can put your clothes on." "Oh, are we done now?" Panel 2: "He's not ready to take over the family business." "Well, at least tell him the truth, you owe him that much." Panel 3: "Not yet." "Not until he proves his worth."

the lupin family is just like a traditional asian family you better start burning at least 90 houses until you're allowed to eat dinner again then lupin ii retreats and dresses up as a police officer, he tricks the detective guy (from the earlier chapter) into thinking that he has escaped into the mountains

then he hops on a motorcycle to escape, and oh? it seems like lupin iii already found out his plan and was camping in the sidecar to wait for him but unfortunately… his father rams him onto a tree.

great job lupin ii great treatment of your son you havent seen in years :thumbsup: but this is the end of the kid lupin chapters! we will be resuming back to the monkey man tomorrow. (nevermind i have something else planned for tomorrow no chapter 41 til thursday) lupin ii will never been seen in the lupin manga for a long long time…

also i like how this chapter singlehandedly explains why motorcycles with sidecars are no longer a thing anymore today.

[e17omm]

Ranting about Natlan part 2 (act 2)! Whohooooo god I am dying from heat.

Its actually not all negative this time. Its less just ranting and more thoughts of the Archon quest.

I ramble at the lack of stakes or tension at the end. That part's actually me venting frustrations.

TL:DR; quest is disappointing because it could have gone in a very fresh and tense direction but it doesnt because this is 2024 Hoyo.

Music is chill nice vacation music.

Conversation is about the country's constant war with a cunning immaterial enemy that has been fighting them for 500 years.

Nice to see that Hoyo completely succeeds at tone. (Sarcastic)

2. PREDICTION TIME! Kachina is actually gonna stay dead because the resurrection thing is gonna fail and Im meant to feel sad because this character that speedran her character arc in 1 hour and that I've only known for that hour is dead.

3. Traveller casually knows the song????

4. what a surprise! Kachina is (supposedly) dead. My money's on that she was captured or is hiding or something.

She "died" off-screen and Ive known her for an hour. Come on.

5. Oh? We're gonna investigate with the Archon, Mondstadt style? Im game.

I still dont care about Kachina, because again, Ive barely met her. But investigating with the Archon has been a while. I welcome it.

6. Damn, Mauvika just beat the shit out of him. The fight did turn into flying anime line battle, but the music was jamming.

7. aaah damn we arent gonna be investigating with the Archon. Shame. That would've been fun.

8. Did the Pyro Archon legit just send us to go to the Night Kingdom with a stone we can only use if one guy happens to be at the settlement at the time and we can find these fetch quest items he needs?

Who wrote this script? The Archon talked as if she had a way to go to the Night place and she doesnt? ANd now we are on a fetch quest to eat up time? Come on.

9. EVERYONE has sob stories in Natlan jesus christ.

I just wanna clarify that theres nothing wrong with sobstories in themselves, but they wont make me care about a character unless it actually matters to the story.

10. Man I hoped they would be pissed that we broke the thingy. Fucking Hell Hoyo games needs to have character conflict brought back.

11. oh we are going with the Archon... Oh yeah nevermind ignore point 8. I write these points as Im playing.

12. Oh I almost forgot, but yeah Kachina is alive. No surprise there.

13. Pyro Archon is a bitchass mf. Venti can barely fight and he still traveled with us. You can fight and you're not coming with us? Lame. (Im being half serious here)

14. This friendship and fighting with my friends arc feels incredibly cheap. Probably because its been 4 hours long.

15. and we ALMOST had an incredibly interesting plot direction.

Almost.

Hoyo keeps doing these fakeouts that I am actually yawning. Unironically, Im yawning. Whenever anything doesnt go to plan something always saves us. This happens in every one of their Honkaiverse games now. You can do a fakeout here and there, but not every time.

I hope someone understands my boredom with this. I lean back in my chair and go "and SURELY no one will burst in and save us from being trapped in the Abyss for more than 5 seconds, aaaaand there's the Pyro Archon. (yawn)" because it has happened so many consecuative times by now that its not tense or exciting any more.

16. I feel like Natlan would've been such a good story if we didnt JUST arrive here. It feels like there is a lot of sentimentality here, but I dont get invested in flashbacks and sob stories.

17. People claiming that the Traveler is just a spectator so its fine if they dont get stronger or have a character are sure is quiet after this quest.

This quest was pretty disappointing. Again, repeating myself over and over, but Natlan's biggest issue is that its the 6th region and Hoyo's baits never land so I've stopped grabbing at them.

You know what would have been a plot development that would have rekindled the fire of excitement inside of me? If we ACTUALLY got trapped in the Abyss, instead of having another bait of literally anything bad happening to anyone ever.

Can you imagine the plot if we got trapped in the Abyss for an extended period of time and had to survive and scavange for things to eat while trying to retain our sanity as we search for a way out?

Wouldn't that be fresh and exciting and something we haven't seen before?

But that would be something bad happening to our characters and we cant have that! No no boys and girls, nothing bad ever happens to the heroes! But we will sure keep baiting that it will happen! Are you still nibbing at the baits? Are you still worried for them? We will never actually do it but we will keep casting baits!

I want to be proven wrong so fucking badly you dont understand. Hoyo used to write stories I actually got invested in because at any moment, with a few wrong moves, something bad could happen to the characters. Not even death! In the [Seele] cinematic, Bronya could have been trapped in the Sea of Quanta and Seele would have had to go back in to pull her out (which is what she does, but it could have been a 1-chapter arc if Hoyo wanted to). But moments like that never happens any more.

We could have been trapped in the Abyss for an extended period of time before Mauvika found and rescued us and everyone could have escaped with their lives!

But NO! Instead we find Kachina right away, solve a small part of the problem, get baited with being trapped there before instantly being rescued and Kachina gets treated right away and SHES PERFECTLY FINE. THEY BAITED HER DEATH EARLIER TOO.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHY IM NOT FUCKING WORRIED ABOUT ANYONES LIVES?!

IF THERE WAS ANY CONSEQUENCE AND ANY STAKES AT ALL KACHINA WOULD AT LEAST HAVE BEEN AFFECTED FOR A FEW DAYS BUT NO, SHES PERFECTLY FINE.

WHY SHSOAJD =IA^SPE DHUja9o'

Why should I care when the result is ALWAYS that everyone is perfectly fine and happy?

No one would have even needed to die or been permanently injured. But we get saved instantly.

Where's the tension and stakes supposed to be?

[sk3l3t0n444]

...

i wanna believe that what i want to do with my life will come to me soon and ill be able to pretend like im a functional human but i dont think it will...im in my sophomore year im failing all my classes, i have 100 missing assignments, all my friends have their lives together and i dont know what the fuck i want to do with my life let alone tomorrow. how the fuck is it so easy for everybody else. they all have jobs and are looking at colleges and then theres me...i wasnt planning to make it past 11 years old and here i am...15 years old...almost 16. what the fuck am i supposed to do...my brother moved out when he was 27 because he didnt want to leave me...i cant stand not being with my brother...so i know im planning to move closer to him...but how do i get the money to do that, im a crippled tranny and thats fucking expensive, i wont have the money to live and going to college just doesnt seem like an option anymore...everything i WANT to do with my life i either cant do because im disabled or just fucking suck at...i just want to figure shit out...i wanna know what im going to do with my life...just the thought of school or the future send me into a full on panic attack...idfk maybe im not meant for this world, maybe i just exist to the the bad example, the parents say "dont do what skele did, you dont wanna end up like them do you?" im just a guide of what not to do. most people can at least make it through highschool and have this horrible burnout in college and then drop out amd it works out ok for them...they have a highschool diploma and shit...but im here forcing myself to get up every morning. the amount of effort people put into school and work and everything productive is just barely enough to get me out of bed...i spend all my energy just trying to keep going...i dont have the will to keep going on with life but i dont want to end it...i want to keep going for all the things i enjoy...but ffs all the stresses in life are just too much for me...its all too much for me...i just wanna be normal...i wanna be able to do school and work and all that and not want to gucking kill myself over it...because i enjoy learning...i enjoy doing monotonous things like work...but i just fucking CANT i try so fucking hard and i just CANT...im on new meds that are supposed to help me with my executive function but they just dont work...nothing is working for me and it makes me feel fucking hopeless...i just want to be fucking normal...i wanna be normal in at least one way goddamnit...i just want to know what i should do with my life...what ill be, assuming that i even do anything with my life...i feel like im such a waste of space...i wish the world had space for me...i just feel crammed into this world, like i was never meant to exist...like the world would be a better place if i was never born...like i was the worst mistake ever made...

[machinegunbun]

🤘-

What about reader is the manager/assistant and fucks up some bug career opportunity for them?

Mistakes can allways happen but that was something really big

Maybe even gets fired for it?

Fucked It +

TW?: Mostly angst but theres some very slight smut with readers S/O

A/N: Not to age the writing but Im writing this as colson tweets that he’s gonna play at the halftime show in the next few years. S/O= Significant Other. I wanted to keep it kinda gender neutral cause bi people exist i dunno. 

Word count:1.8k A little longer than a blurb, but just as dialogue-y

This year had been stressful, to say the least. There was the release of tickets to my downfall, and along with that the cover scandal, the bloody valentine music video, downfalls high, the snl episode. It was like every second of your day was filled with something, you rarely got the chance to spend time with your S/O.

That’s right, you had an S/O. Being Colson’s manager wasn’t your entire existence, although you’d seemed to have forgotten that recently. Their name is Devin, and they are not very happy with you.

They’d broken down in tears your first full night home, telling you how under appreciated they had felt while you were away. Devin had a life of their own too, though, and considering the pandemic at hand had chosen to go stay with their family to avoid the covid hot spot that was LA. You understood, and as much as you hated to admit it you barely even realized they were gone. You didn’t know what that meant, but you knew whatever it meant wasn’t anything good for your relationship, but, you loved them and you wanted to recreate that spark.

You wanted to put work into them, and you, and most importantly your relationship. You’d gotten through the emotions, but as for the spark there was only so much you could do thousands of miles away. So, you decided to put in the work and devise a plan. Your plan started about an hour and a half ago, beginning with a shower and ending with your favorite lipstick.

You love Devin and you want nothing more than to wrap them up in a soft blanket and kiss them on the forehead and take them on picnics, but you also wanted them to look at you and touch themselves. You could do one of those things in your current situation, and you felt both would help to replenish your spark.

You looked good too, dressed in your lingerie with your hair all done. You felt so unbelievably sexy just looking at yourself in the mirror, you wished they were here to witness it.

You stood in the doorway of your bedroom, your LED lights set to red, your phone set to start recording in 

3…

2…

1…

You tried your best to pose sexily in the small frame, arching your back and playing with your hair, slowly slinking down the wall. You were sure when you sent this Devin would be calling you within seconds. You checked the video, editing it to the length you liked and saving it to your camera roll.

Butterflies began fluttering in your stomach as you looked at your message app. You had seen Devin in so long, what if the spark had really gone? What if they didn’t want you anymore? Or what if they just didn’t want you right now, what if this wasn’t the right thing to do?

You took a deep breath, looking yourself in the mirror and quickly clicking through your messages, sending it before you could think too much and clicking your phone off. You moved from the bathroom, moving to your bed, staring at your phone and waiting patiently for a response.

After thirty minutes you gave up, too nervous to check if they’d seen it. You were cool.

Well, you were cool now that you had cried and and picked yourself apart piece by piece, ending up on the couch in a heap of blankets eating a family bag of your favorite chips to yourself. Family guy played on the TV, the episode only really meant to drain out the noise of your thoughts, and momentarily the bling of your phone. You would’ve missed it entirely if it weren’t for the flickering of your flashlight that you’d enabled to make sure you didn’t.

You rushed from your comfy blanket fort, spilling your chips on the way, your hand wrapping tightly around your phone. You turned it around, seeing that the notification that had popped up was only from Dylan, the guy that got Colson a place at the halftime show. 

Work, great, the thing that started this all. Was this the universe telling you it was over? You read on.

It simply said “Call me.”

Your eyebrow raised, considering waiting until tomorrow. You opened your messages, seeing that you had accidentally sent him the video of you in your lingerie. Fuck, thats why Devin hadn’t responded.

You opened his contact, calling him quickly, each ring feeling like needles being inserted into your brain.

“So I hope you understand why we wouldn’t want to be associated with that unprofessionalism.” He said, you’d zoned out through his lecture

“I understand, I do, but I hope you’d be willing to reconsider as this was a mistake on my part and not Colson’s. And seeing as this isn’t public I hope we can just brush this all under the rug and forget it ever-”

“I hear you, but I don’t think that will be possible. Mistake or not it was unprofessional on so many different levels

“But, sir-” You tried, your fingers thumbing over the buttons of the remote to mute the tv.

“It’s over, I’m afraid.” He responded, a beeping noise signalling the call had ended

Oh, nicer, you thought sarcastically, it wasn’t the universe after all, it was the manager.

Tossing your phone on the couch beside you, you retreated to your blanket fort, unmuting the TV.

Colson and the boys had been looking forward to performing at the halftime show since you’d met them. They’d been so excited when you told them you’d got them a spot. Although it was the last thing you wanted to do right now, you knew you had to break the news to Colson. 

You stared at your phone, willing yourself to reach over and call him, eventually drifting off into an unsatisfying sleep.

“Oh good, you’re here! Okay, so I was thinking for the halftime show-” Colson began, but you cut him off before he could continue

“Oh, yeah, about that.” You say, rubbing your head in hopes it would soothe the dull ache that had begun to rear its ugly head. You opened your eyes in time to watch the excitement drop from Colson’s face.

“I…” You began, not sure how to start “I fucked it.” You began to laugh, taking a moment to acknowledge how ridiculous the situation had really been.

“What do you mean?” He asks, knitting his eyebrows together in confusion.

“Devin and I are going through a bit of a rough patch with them being away and all, so I decided to try and,” You made a vague shimmy movement with your shoulders “spark things up a bit. You know the silhouette challenge on tik tok? I did that, but I got nervous when I sent the video and I was on the couch for like hours crying too scared to see if they even looked at it, next thing I know I’m getting texted by Dylan asking me to call him.” You paused, partly for dramatic effect and partly to let yourself laugh. You buried your face in your hands, Colson watching in amusement, eager for the end of your clearly hilarious story.

“I accidentally sent him my nudes. It was so fucking embarassing, oh my god!” You finish, looking up from your hands to realize no one else seemed amused.

“What’s that got to do with the halftime show?” Rook questioned.

“Oh, right.” You’d completely lost track in the midst of your rambling “He said it was completely unprofessional and he wasn’t interested in working with us.”

Colson remained silent for a moment, looking over to the other boys before responding “He isn’t interested in working with you.” Your eyebrows furrowed at this, looking between the boys..

“What’s that mean?” 

“This is the gig of our lifetime. I’ve- We’ve wanted to play the halftime show since… forever. This was our one chance and because of you we got booted out. And you were laughing about it.”

“I’m sorry, it was a genuine accident, I thought you’d find it funny. Some corporate guy saw my tits ‘cause my relationship is failing, if I don’t laugh I cry.”

 “You’re the one who sent him the nudes. This is your fuck up.”

“Yeah, okay. But I work for you, so by association he won’t work with us.”

“Then you aren’t a part of ‘us’ anymore.”

“Colson, seriously? It was a fucking accident. You’re being ridiculous.”

“Watch your tone, I think you’re forgetting you work for me. I’m a nice guy, but this isn’t my shit to deal with.”

“I’m sorry.” You repeated, your voice lowering. It was easy to forget Colson was your boss, he never treated you like an employee. There was more respect between the two of you than any boss/employee relationship you’d ever seen before. You’d never even seen him mad before today. You were genuinely lucky to have had this experience, to think that it was about to come to an end broke your heart.

“Is sorry going to get us this gig back?” The question was rhetorical, but you shook your head “Then I’m sorry, I can’t let this pass me up because of something you did.” Colson says, staring you down. You stood like a statue in your place, unsure whether or not you should leave. The tension in the air could be cut with a knife.

You took it upon yourself to make the decision to turn and leave, driving to the nearest gas station, where you sat in your car, crying in the parking lot.

Everything was fine and in the matter of a week it had all gone to shit. How did this happen?

You were in a happy relationship, and now they were living with their parents for who knows why and telling you they felt neglected. Your career was going amazing and you’d ruined it completely with one mistext.

You started your car back up, settling on the hope that maybe Colson and Dylan would come to their senses, and come Monday morning you would still have a job.

[bionic-penis]

Since ive been dogging on it so much i will compile my thots on the new deh movie. I don't know anything about music or theatre or movies so this is coming from my perspective as just someone who enjoys things. Some other things that are relevant given the context of the movie is I grew up poor with a single mom and i suffer from depression and anxiety. Okay okay <33 bulleted bc I REFUSE to write smth well thought out this list will be SO petty maybe if the movie was enjoyable i would be nicer <33

Warning for spoilers!!

First off. They cut out almost all the songs that gave insight into how the adults thought and felt. These are SO fucking important to the story as it fleshes the adults out as more than just set pieces. "Does Anybody Have a Map?" was so important because it introduced the Heidi and Cynthia and showed how they were trying their best despite it all. Cutting this out, alongside with "Good For You" trashed any chance we had at understanding either of the mothers. The one saving grace for Heidi was the fact that they left in "So Big/So Small" but it was not enough

Speaking about "Good For You"... GIRL. LITERALLY WHY WOULD YOU CUT OUT THE ONE SONG THAT SEES EVAN HAVING TO CONFRONT HIS MISTAKES???

About Heidi... Her relationship with Evan makes me mad. It always has. He is such a dick to his mom and its not even in a believable way imo. There is NO resolution to this. Heidi just offers him advice and sings a song and thats it. They didnt even really fight!! Evan just said his stupid line about how the Murphy's treat him nicer and they part ways awkwardly. Another nitpick about this scene? It didnt have the iconic "ugliness" of the version that im used to. What I love about that version is how the actresses voice dips and sounds so shaky. I love how she doesnt sound necessarily angry, but heartbroken. She sounds devastated. And while I LOVED the actress in the movie she just didn't deliver that same emotion. It felt forced. And the whole scene felt inconclusive.

Its hard having a mom whos always working I understand and this could have been such an amazing moment to showcase that there is no guilty party in this situation. Just a mom whos trying her best and a son who just wants to connect. BUT DO THEY DO THAT? NO. THEY LIKE TO THINK THEY DID BUT THEY DIDNT. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU OH MT GOD THIS ONE PART OF THE STORY MAKES ME WANT TO EAT TWIGS IT MAKES ME SO UPSET 😭😭😭😭

Another thing is that all the songs seen so Evan centric. He sings most of them and I can only really remember two songs that he wasnt apart of

Which brings me to "Requiem"... Which I hated. And have a BIG nitpick about.

First off. Its just shot bad. Theres this moment where it goes from Zoe walking down the hall at school to Larry walking between cubicles to Cynthia walking down a grocery aisle. I felt nothing. The only good thing to come from this is when we see Larry walking down the same way just to return home to cry in Cynthias arms. This is the one moment that got me. The one moment that felt emotionally weighted.

This song could have been shot beautifully. Switching between perspectives and each Murphy's relationship with Colnnor but it doesn't. It lacks intimacy. Even when Zoe is driving her car pedal to the metal driving down an empty road it fails to connect deeply, especially when this moment is never brought up or expanded upon. Also its stupid because at the speed she was going she would have needed a LOT more time to stop than just the split second she has when the light turns red

Another thing about this car sequence?? No stakes. There are no other cars on the road. It wouldnt have even mattered if Zoe hadnt stopped in time. This is one core issue with the movie: there are no consequences for any actions the characters take. I think that id Zoe had ran the stoplight she could have gotten a ticket and opened up a moment for connection between the Murphy's

On more than one occasion we are forced to endure a montage of events that occur without context that I feel are meant to establish that at least SOMETHING happened but what this does is rush character beats AND, especially, Zoe and Evans relationship

Now I LOVE "Only Us" but one cool song does not a relationship make!!

Also the reoccuring montage of Evan falling out if the tree.... 😐

Its such a serious moment but my friend and I laughed. Yeah.... Fail moment.

The way they depict Connor is fucking disrespectful and I hate it and also its fucking awkward. The only reason i sympathised with him at all during the movie was bc he wasnt evan.

Zoe and Evans relationship have no weight

Zoes relationship with her parents have no weight

Evans relationship with Heidi has no weight

No relationship has weight

Ben Platt makes an awful teenager. I dont care how iconic his voice is as Evan. Awful decision to cast him. What was once an emotional exploration of manipulation and acceptance is now a grown man standing in the middle of the hall pissing off frosh, soph, junior, and senior alike

Also the scene with him in the locker room... What the hell... GIRL what senior has a pe class and also??? How have you lasted that long in the locker room we have been doing this for seven years get with the program

What these sequences of Evan standing around looking like That do is NOT establish his anxiety issues but rather make me more likely to shove him in a locker. Seriously. Its borderline stereotypical and makes me embarrassed to have anxiety

I have not even touched on all that upset me but that is enough talking about the bad musical movie for now. If u disagree with me no you dont amen

[imaginethathaikyuu]

How did I find your blog? I was looking for soft Kuroo content on google. And your soft birthday hc’s for him came up. And that’s also how I found tumblr

What was the first story of yours that I read? That Kuroo piece ^

Roughly, how long have I been following this blog? Well I found that piece shortly after it was posted so…. Around the beginning of December 2019 I think. Got a tumblr a few months later and you were the first person I followed (had you in my bookmarks bar before that! (still have you in my bookmarks bar and when I share my screen in classes there are occasionally questions. I ignore them))

What’s something I’ve noticed about you personality wise? You’re really clever and funny. But you’re also sweet. But because you’re clever you have no hesitation in setting up and enforcing your boundaries, and I really admire that strength and confidence.

Have we ever interacted, either by PM, ask, or in the comments? What was my perception of you? YES!!! PM, SOOOOO many asks, comments, and you sent me an ask. And reblogged it. And I cried. A lot. My perception: you’re lovely and I want to h*ld your h*nd ….please.

What’s my favorite story of yours? Oh how to choose. Firstly, I’m a nb, biracial, bisexual. Honey, I’ve never made a choice in my life. But let’s try here. Anything you’ve written for Tsukki. Literally all of it is gold. Fight me. I was going to write “especially [piece title]” but I LITERALLY CANNOT CHOOSE ONE. Your Bokuto nightmare piece. Your Kuroo angsty fight. Your Tendou dealing with S/O with parents who yell piece. Your Kinktobers. Your Futakuchi and Mattsun pieces. And your Terushima pieces. Ugh. I CANNOT CHOOSE. OH AND YOUR STREAMER KENMA!!!!!! OKay just… all of it. I can’t choose. I tried, and I failed, and I’m willing to admit failure.

What’s a story I’d love to see you write? I don’t want to say this… because it hurts me… but I just KNOW you’d write brilliant angst. Some of my fav pieces of yours are pained beginnings with happy endings. That fight with Tsukki after a bad day at work. The pieces I mentioned above (nightmare pieces and fighting pieces and angsty home life ha.. ha.ha.ha.). That Oikawa one where the reader wakes up in bed without him and thinks he left. You write these gorgeous atmospheres and descriptive, visceral feelings, and if you chose to use it for evil…. You could get evil shit done. You’re SO powerful. So I want to read it… but also…. I don’t. I’d love to see you write ABO like you mentioned a while back or just see you explore a cutesy soulmate AU or something. I think you’d be really good at writing an AU where you hear what the other person’s listening too. I feel like you’d be so good at making me feel something for someone who was in another city. (think this would be cute with Tsukki cos he’s headphones boy, OR terushima because I like the dynamic of someone flirty, who clearly cares about looks, falling for someone he can’t see) ANYWAY….

Favorite pairing you write for?/fav reader insert? Tsukishima x reader. It’s my fav self-ship. (but also Mattsun, Bokuto, Oikawa, Tanaka, and Akaashi because you write them SO WELL!!!!)

Have any of your stories helped me through a hard time? Of course. Your self-harm piece came at a time I needed it. Iwaizumi’s in particular saved my life. But also your Tendou dealing with S/O parents who fight… came right when I needed it. Also starting college… was hard.. And reading and rereading your fluff really pulled me through it.

Have any of your stories hit closer to home? YES (see above).

Do I genuinely like your blog, it’s aesthetic or posts? It’s overall feel? It’s content? Yes. The aesthetic is, ngl, a wee bit basic. But I kinda love that. And the feel? It feels like home. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Your blog is my safe space. So, yes, I love. It’s content? YES. OF COURSE. Your personality probably could have kept me here even if your content was kinda shit, but I follow you RELIGIOUSLY because of your content. So yes. I adore.

Is English my first language? Kinda??? I grew up in a trilingual household so I kinda learned three languages at the same time while growing up. But no, I don’t need to translate it in my head. Because English was one of the three.

Anything I want to share? Yes. Please keep being kind to yourself, caring for your mental health, enforcing your boundaries, loving Akaashi, and just generally being you. You’re so lovely as you are, and I hope you continue grow, but never change. Also I’m sorry about all your work stuff…. It literally makes me feel sick. And I hope you find a job where that’s not tolerated, or that your work finds a better way of protecting it’s employees. I know you know this, but none of it is your fault. I just hope things improve. AND I love you… a lot. And I’m so proud of you hitting 9K and you deserve so many more followers because your pieces are just... GORGEOUS. I can’t wait until I’m at Barnes and Noble in a few years and I can pick up a hardback copy of your debut novel. I’m so excited to say “I knew Em Akaashi (which is your legal name as far as I’m concerned) before she was so popular among the masses.”

so ive been trying to figure out the correct and worthy way to reply to this ask since the moment i got it......because its so fucking sweet and kind and amazing and pure and perfect and i just dont know how to use WORDS to explain the way it makes me feel so.......i will just reply in bullet points in regards to every question u answered to make it a lil easier :D

- the fact that u found my blog on google ....... like this may be odd and a very specific thing but before i made this blog i always hoped that 1 day my fanfic would pop up in google searches bc thats ALWAYS how i found fics when i was reading them religiously and i felt so much ENVY!!!!! LIKE I WANTED TO BE THERE I WANTED MY FICS TO B POPULAR ENOUGH TO POP UP ON GOOGLE.....that may sound very selfish but its true......so thats just very cool to me... :]

- u’ve been here for so long omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺 if anyone in ur classes ever asks jus promo my blog like its nbd 

- thats so sweet what 🥺🥺🥺 i try my best to advocate for myself and be confident for myself.....ive spent far too much of my time being silently uncomfortable because i was afraid of pushing someone’s buttons seeming rude.....but NO MORE!!!! i know what upsets me, i know my triggers, i know what i dislike experiencing, and im never gonna let myself be anxious or uncomfortable for someone else’s sake, esp if theyre being rude 2 me. i would say its less strength and confidence and moreso me attempting to take control of my anxiety in the places i can (aka on the Internet) bc i am SICK OF ANXIETY ATTACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

- BBY no dont CRY!!!! im racking my brain trying to think of who u are i wanna know so bad so i can thank u personally for being the kindest person in the world n so i can send u more asks >:(........MY HAND IS URS TO HOLD!!!!! dont tell akaashi tho 

- OMG my TSUKKI pieces.....hes so hard to write why ;-; thank u so much im so glad u enjoy my works<3333

- NOT ANGST NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! pained beginnings to happy endings are my specialty.....IMAGINE me writing a sad ending like i CANT!!!!!!!!! ive only done it a few times and it is so Difficult.....YALL ARE SO LUCKY IM NOT EVIL!!!!!! ive had this idea for an angsty akaashi fic that i think about and write in my head every night before falling asleep and it Hurts and i wanna write it but i also can’t make myself :D ABO would be very fun but i genuinely do not know how to explore the concept while making it feel like it’s Written By Me.....u know what i mean? same with soulmate aus, i really dislike writing them because theyre just boring to me like they all feel the same everything’s been done for them.....which is FINE!!! but i write enough cliche stuff as it is HAHA, a long distance type soulmate au could be fun and interesting but ldr’s trigger me bc of a past relationship so </3 but hey maybe someone else could use the idea!!!!!

- gotta love tsukishima <3

- im rlly glad my writing could be there for you friend, one of the biggest reasons i write fanfic (and write the kind of fics i write) is bc i know firsthand how much reading sweet stories abt ur comfort characters can help u through the shittiest times - i just wanna offer ppl some support and happy feelings and love cuz sometimes fanfic is the only time we can find those things (and theres nothing shameful abt that either if anyone bullies u for reading fanfic i will fight them)

- I KNOW MY LAYOUT IS LAZY AND BASIC AS FUCK AND THAT IS BECAUSE I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT LMAOOOO so im glad u think its ok...... like i dont have the patience to create a fancy ass layout that actually works are u KIDDING ME??????? I COULD LITERALLY NEVER plus i kinda like that its just the basic kinda ugly boring default layout like it makes it simple and easy and i feel like it brings focus to the only thing on this blog that i care about which is my writing, i rlly only care about the content here and not aesthetics jdbljdabsdk that blue background will be there til i Die......i adore u more btw 

- WHOA trilingual what the hell ur so cool tell me more 

- you have my word, friend, that i will continue to do all of that so long as you do the same. take care of yourself, be kind to yourself - i know u can do it, ur so kind to others and u deserve to be kind to urself, too so this is the part that genuinely brought me to tears because *sappy dumb shit ahead* ok look ever since i can remember the one and only thing ive wanted to do with my life is become an author ...... dreams of book covers with my name written on them and words in pages written by me and fanart of my characters and going into my local bookstore n seeing my book there....these thoughts all haunt my fucking brain because i want it SO BAD!!!!!!!! so bad that it makes me CRY!!!!!!!! ive never wanted something more and just!!!!!!!!!!!! idk how much u meant that part but holy fuck!!!!!! i hope so bad that one day i can send u a free copy of my book as a thank u for being the person u are. u have all my love friend, every last bit of it <333333333

[fruityutas]

the devil wears prada

mafia!lee taeyong x female!reader

lowercase intended

!this story is a work of fiction and the characters used in it are in NO WAY like this in real life!

genre: thriller, fluff if you squint hard enough, ANGST

p.1/?

summary: lee taeyong is a cold-blooded mafia leader, not meant to give or receive love. what happens when an innocent by-stander turns out to be the most beautiful woman he’s laid eyes on? 

✰ warnings: cursing, blood, murder, descriptions of wounds (man does taking nursing classes help with that lmao), violence

—————————————————————

taeyong was an enigma to the world. hell, even in the mafia he confused many. he was arguably one of the best leaders out there. many feared him and his men. the tactics used by his team terrified even the toughest of mafiosos. 

 “do you want us to dispose of the body or?” the sentence johnny had asked snapped taeyong out of his trancelike state. 

 “hm, no. let them see what will happen if they try any other funny shit, the bastards really thought their new recruit could do a mission of that significance? idiots.” johnny chuckled and turned away from taeyong, a smirk overlaying his features. 

 “anything for you, tae.” as johnny walked out, taeyong thought of all the different instances where his men’s loyalty had been tested, and every single time johnny had been one of the only ones to stay by his side. he smiled to himself and left his office, ready for the next mission. he walked out into the grand room where a few of his closest men already lingered, talking amongst themselves.

 “cmon, they were already going to die, i helped them out in all honesty.” 

 “donghyuk, how in the hell is slitting someone’s throat helping them?” taeyong rolled his eyes at the two younger’s antics. 

 “will you two be quiet? youre giving me a headache. and mark?”

 “yes, boss?” “donghyuk has a point, he wouldve suffered a much greater fate if not for him.” mark stutters and bows to taeyong, apologizing. taeyong pats him on the shoulder reassuring him he was being light-hearted with the comment. he walks away from the two boys and over to yuta and jaehyun, his two close-range shooters.

 “so who’s coming with me tonight?” they both look at him and shrug. taeyong thinks for a second before deciding on jaehyun. yuta had a bad week and needing a small break. 

 “nevermind that, jaehyun will come. yuta, you need rest, ok?” yuta nods and offers the leader a slice of cheese. taeyong looks at him questioningly and takes it. he and jaehyun walk off shrugging.

 “so whats the plan tonight, tae?” taeyong stops and turns to his companion.

 “well, johnny is stationed at the door while you and mark go in first. kill anyone you see and scope out for any other outlying threats. then you’re going to go to the main room in the building and search for the target, don’t kill them, this is actually a rescue mission. i’ll have taeil and doyoung in the van watching the security cameras. once you find the target get him free but dont let him get away from you, we need him alive. bring him back to the van, taeil will know where to go. once you and mark get to the second location, i will already be there along with jungwoo and donghyuk. we will take it from there and you can head back here after that. simple enough?”

 “of course, but who needs them rescued?” 

 “im not sure exactly who, but some ceo needs him alive apparently.” jaehyun shrugs and continues walking towards the basement, where all things field related are. guns, knives, bombs, armor, you name it and it’s down there. the team for tonights mission all get ready in their required gear and pile into two vans, taking off into the quiet night. 

walking in this neighborhood was a terrible idea. you were shivering from the cold and every sound around you had your senses heightened and on alert. ‘what a shitty night’ your thoughts momentarily clouded your mind and you failed to notice the scene in front of you. three men came out of one of the many abandoned buildings around here, but why was one tied to a chair? you look up to see one of the men pointing at you and looking worried. your walking starts to get uneasy as you get closer. the other man throws the hostage into a van and then turns to you. you’re close enough to hear them speaking. 

 “what the fuck are we gonna do? we cant let her leave.”

 “i dont know, mark, lemme figure it out. maybe she didn’t see.” your face gives yourself away, the taller one rolls his eyes and groans. he starts towards you, the other looking uncomfortable. you stumble and start to back up.

 “um can i help you?”

 “yea can you help us with something real quick? we need a third person for it.” you hesitated but slowly start to walk over to the van.

 “so uh what do you need help wi-AH, WHAT THE FUCK?” the taller man pushes you in beside the one still tied to a chair and shits the door harshly. you get up and try to open it but theres no handles.

 “shit shit shit, holy shit what am i gonna do?” the man in the chair chuckles and wheezes. 

 “so what do they want you for? interference? or maybe you’re one of them too.” you turn to look at the man.

 “what are you talking about?” he scoffs and turns his head away from you.

 “hmm let’s hope your death wont be as grueling as mine, huh?” you swallow a lump that had formed in your throat.

 “what do you mean death? they’re trying to kill us?”

 “well sweetheart, im a contract so yeah, but you- you just ran into some shitty luck huh? these are your last moments if im being honest. no one comes out after being taken by nct.” your heart rate had skyrocketed. 

 “who is nct? why am i going to die i didnt see anything of importance. i just saw those two up there ask me for help.” he tsks and smirks. 

 “thats too late now, your already in this van being taken to the second location, and thats where the boss is- taeyong -he aint a nice guy you know, i would be praying for just a simple gun to the head at this point.” your face pales and the tears start falling. why did you have to choose that shitty side of town to go through? now look what happened, you’re being kidnapped by some organization that kills people for nothing. you curl into a ball into the corner and fall asleep thinking of everything you’re not going to get to achieve. 

the van’s door slides open and moonlight streams in, illuminating you and the man still strapped to the chair. you pull your head from your knees and push yourself farther into the corner, praying they would have forgotten you. the man that shoved you in peeks his head in and looks for you. his eyes land on you and you stay put. his face quirks before he reaches in to drag you out. you put up a hefty fight, punching and screaming at him.

 “you bastard, put me down or so help me-“

 “i think its best if you shut the hell up.” you scoff at his words and still attempt to wriggle yourself from his grasp. he pinches your arm and you finally just fall limp, giving into your fate.

 “what are we going to do with her? taeyong is already in there finishing up.” your captor said cooly to the smaller man.

 “just wait until he finishes, he’ll want to know we have her.” he sighs and walks towards a different van than what you arrived in, opening the back doors before turning back around. the man holding you starts walking towards it and sets you in it.

 “ya’know you made this whole thing hard for us? usually if a person sees something like what was happening they turn away and leave.” you scoff,

 “i already told you i didn’t see anything.” he smirks and turns away laughing.

 “i’m not dumb, i saw you before you even saw us. so what were you doing on that side of town so late at night?” you refused to reply. 

 “mark can you see if taeyong is almost done? i’m getting tired of watching this girl, she’s such a brat.” he turned back towards you and got closer.

 “am i gonna have to repeat myself? i require answers when i ask something.” you rolled your eyes and look away. before you can blink he’s grabbing your hair and yanking you closer to his face.

 “i dont like attitudes, brat. its like you want me to hurt you.” your eyes turn to saucers and you whimper out,

 “i- i was staying and studying late, i’m, i’m not supposed to be here please let me go! i wont tell anyone i dont even care i just want to go home!” he scoffs and hangs his head before looking back at you. a new voice makes its way to your ears.

 “i’m afraid i can’t let you go, sweetheart.” 

[satoruvt]

fanfic writer tag game <3

helloooo <3 thank u for tagging me @hannie-dul-set this is so cute lol

ummmm! i think i will tag. @leejuyeeon and @seokmingiggles !! and as always anyone else who wants to <33

peum ~

1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?

omg lets see if i can do this in order. i think the first fandom i ever wrote fanfic for was creepypasta LMAOO and then... fairy tail? then 5 seconds of summer, then maybe it 2017?? voltron legendary defender, detroit become human, monster prom and mystic messenger kind of overlapped, the arcana !!! then my hero academia, haikyuu, a Little bit of demon slayer... i think thats it lol

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for?

seventeen is all for rn, but i’m thinking of also writing for mha again and adding jjk!!

3. how long have you been writing?

oh wow for like... probably around 6 years? maybe 6 and a half

4. on which platforms do you post your stories?

rn just tumblr, i used to post more actively on ao3 but i havent since i started writing for kpop

5. what is your favourite genre to write?

ahhh like !!! comfort fics!!! i think theres something really sweet in those unspoken feelings during moments you think you’ll never forget... the idea of being with someone and you’re just so sure they’re your favorite person, and then warmth that comes with that realization... wahh

6. are you a pantser or a planner?

oh it depends i think. for longer fics i like to plan them out, but i really wing it with like timestamps or shorter ones

7. one shot or multi-chapter?

ONE SHOTS. my god i fucking suck at multi-chapter shit LMAOO ive only done 1 series like that and it was so rough for me lol

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?

hm how do i explain this... anything that makes sense? however long it takes for it to feel like the chapter/fic is summed up or completed. i used to worry about word counts a lot but now i rarely pay attention to them, both in reading and writing

9. what is your longest published story? is it complete?

if we’re talking about multi-chaptered, then the color of you wins at 17k !! in terms of one shots, it’s for now; forever at 9k!

10. which story did you enjoy working on the most?

oh boy. i think... anything from the last like. 8 months? my svt stuff for sure!! i went a while without writing in between like january-late november 2020, and i was worried that my writing would suffer a lot... it took a sec for me to get back into the groove of things but i’m feeling happier than ever with the stuff i write now. i feel like ive matured about the way i approach my own writing and ideas, and how i do everything, and my fics make me really proud. ive started writing within different aus that i hadnt touched before, or talking about different feelings or ideas, etc... i really feel like ive grown with this most recent burst lol, and i love working on them! i get so hyped up when im in the middle of writing or even planning, im just so excited to share all of it hehe

11. favorite request you've have written and why (if any?)

ah its been so long since ive worked with requests that i cant remember anything LOL

12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories?

yes. it is comfort and content. it is the feeling of love. it is holding hands on a walk in the middle of spring and smelling flowers. it is the sound of leaves when a gust of wind blows past. it is looking into ur lovers eyes and feeling nothing but pure fondness

13. current number of wips?

fuck like somewhere around 20 probably

14. three things you have noticed about your own writing?

i really like repetition (specifically in sentences if that makes sense??), LOTS of unspoken things (even if i picture a fic with an established relationship, i dont say it within the fic; and especially concerning romantic feelings, i love when things go unsaid and are FELT full force), i think a lot of detailed rambling... i really like to try and describe emotions and stuff in the most abstract and obscure ways lol i feel like it makes things a little more palpable and honest

15. a quote you like from a published story

im gonna do a few. Lol. firstly this long one from pretend people can unlearn:

“Are you…” Jeonghan starts, and when you look at him, his eyes are still on the city in front of you. “Are you ever afraid that we’ll fall out of love?”

It never occurred to you that this was love. It’s not like the love you’ve experienced in the past, not even close. But maybe… maybe that’s why you never leave, why you hold yourself back from certain arguments like it might fix everything. Maybe love is the reason why Jeonghan still seems to believe in you. Why he promises he’ll be the best thing for you despite always breaking that promise.

(Is it love, a voice in your head questions, or is it longing?)

It takes you a while to respond. “I don’t know,” you end up saying, because you really don’t. Jeonghan turns his head and looks at you, and you half expect him to start an argument in the middle of night, out on the street like this. It wouldn’t be the first time. “Would that… be okay?”

“I don’t know,” Jeonghan answers, just like you. His voice is soft. You want to reach for his hand just to hold it. “You’re still…”

He pauses, like he’s trying to find the right word. You let him take his time, for once, instead of accusing him of the worst. “I’m still?”

“Everything,” he tells you. He looks so sad and you reach out for him because it’s the only thing you can offer. You think the worst thing about your relationship with Jeonghan is that you will always believe him when he gets like this, just like you’ll believe him when he takes it back in the heat of a fight.

next is from like there isn’t something missing <3

But you’re crying into his chest because it’s not you, and it’s not him. Seungcheol wonders if it was always meant to be like this, if the two of you were always meant to part or if something… if something just went wrong, somewhere. A bump that did a bit more damage than either of you thought.

He tries not to think about it now. Tears fill his own eyes as he presses a kiss to your hair because he loved you. He truly did.

“I was so lucky to love you,” he murmurs, voice a cracked whisper. “I’m so happy I got the chance.”

When Seungcheol wakes up the next morning in an empty bed, he’s not surprised. But the Post-It note that’s dressed in your handwriting…

Well. It’s over.

and this last one from only for you, i will dance !!

“This will always be our own time,” he says. “We’ll meet here.”

You know. He says it every time. It never fails to make your heart soar.

“Our thirteenth month,” you say, just like every time. Chan smiles.

He kisses you so strong you feel yourself falling.

16. a quote from an unpublished story

ahh ok ill do a few here too!!! one is something ive begun writing, the other is one that i’ve just been working on planning out <3

Smoke blows past somebody else’s lips and partially obstructs Wonwoo’s view of you.

He hasn’t been to a party like this in a long time. It’s elegant, more of a gala than anything. He can’t remember who threw it or for what reason. It doesn’t really matter, he supposes, watching you make conversation with the partygoers. They all have old money to throw around, the symbolism stitched into their suit jackets and red-rimmed heels; remnants of it left on tables and in the contents of expensive cigars.

You play them like you are one of them, tell them the right things with a silver tongue. Wonwoo always watches, plays the part of an observer. It’s impressive, the way you float around the room like it’s nothing.

Wonwoo observes; Wonwoo knows things.

and the second one...

"you don't know me," you respond. your voice carries no bite, just a fact, and joshua knows this

"i want to," he says after a second. "if you'll let me."

and he's asking permission to be your friend, to be close to you, something so tender and strangely polite

it makes you feel almost sad

"don't expect too much," you say, a little teasing. joshua only smiles

17. space for you to say something to your readers

wahhh thank you all so much!!! when i first got into writing for kpop it was a lot different mostly because i think... i was writing stuff for different anime before, and i had built up a big following because of that and my works always did like, really exceptional in terms of notes and feedback and such, and getting into kpop... has been rough on that end 💀 but i appreciate your support thus far, even if it’s small... i’m still working towards a standard that i have for myself!!! so please be patient with me, thank you for the support !!

also please find it in yourself to leave lil comments or any sort of feedback... please..... PLEASE... any creator ever understands this struggle please always try to do this!!! for me and for any other creator you follow and enjoy content from <333

[giovaenna]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐆𝐎𝐃𝐅𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐈𝐈 (𝟏𝟗𝟕𝟒) 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒

“ I feel rotten about telling you this. “ “ I've got some bad news. ” “ You looked after me like a father. ” “ Take this to your family. ” “ I’m not interested in things that don't concern me. “ “ You still have my goods ? “ “ It would be a present, I know how to return a favor. “ “ This is a real palace. “ “ Sit down, make yourself comfortable. “ “ Good health is the most important thing. “ “ I came here because there's going to be more bloodshed. “ “ Nobody wants another war. “ “ When i refused, he tried to have me killed. “ “ He was stupid, I was lucky. “ “ I'll visit him soon. “ “ The important thing is that nothing interferes with our plans for the future. “ “ You're a wise and considerate young man. “ “ There's much I can learn from you. “ “ What we'll do in the next few months will make history. “ “ He's small potatoes. “ “ Is something wrong? “ “ I wish you would have let me know you were coming, I could have prepared something. “ “ I didn't want you to know I was coming. “ “ I want you to help me take my revenge. “ “ I don't have your brain for big deals, but this is a street thing. “ “ I remember when I was a kid, we had to be quiet when we played near here. “ “ My father taught me many things here. He taught me in this room. “ “ Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. “ “ Will he come alone? “ “ You guys lied to me, I don't want you to call me anymore. “ “Close the fucking door ! “ “ What's the matter? “ “ You open the fucking bar I'll blow your head in. “ “ When I woke up I was on the floor, and I donit know how it happened. “ “ jesus, jesus. “ “ I dont know and i dont understand why, i can't remember. “ “ I'll speak to him. “ “ The doctors would disagree, but what do they know? “ “I saw an interesting thing happen today. “ “ It occurred to me, the soldiers were paid to fight. The rebels weren't. “ “ What I wouldn't give for twenty more years. “ “ I’m kind of nervous from the trip. Can I get a drink or something? “ “ It's not easy to be a son. “ “ How do you say bana daquiri ? “ “ Can i trust you with something? “ “ Before i reach my hotel, i'll be assassinated. “ “ He thinks he's gonna live forever. “ “ Someone put a bullet through his eye. No one knows who gave the order. “ “ i love you, but don’t ever take sides against the family again. ever. “ “ I didnt ask who gave the order because it had nothing to do with business. “ “When i wake, if the moneys on the table i'll know i have a partner. If it isnt, i'll know i dont. “ “ I know it was you, [name]. You broke my heart. “ “ You're still my brother. “ “ Where's my brother? “ “ Young man, i hear you and your friends are stealing goods “ “ You and your friends should show me some respect. “ “ You young punks have to learn how to respect a man like me ! “ “ The cops will show up at your house and your family will be ruined. “ “ Of course if I’m wrong about how much you stole - I’ll take a little less. “ “ Tell your friends i don’t want a lot , just enough to keep my mouth shut. “ “ Why should we give him the money we sweated for? “ “ I’ll reason with him. “ “ I never lie to my friends. “ “ Tell him you'll pay him whatever he wants, dont argue with him. Then i'll go and get him to agree. “ “ Just remember that i did you a favor. “ “ I'll make an offer he won't refuse. “ “ I’m short of money right now. I’ve been out of work so... give me a little time. “ “ How come I’ve never heard of you before? “ “ You’ve got a lot of guts. “ “ You’ve done well for yourself. “ “ [Name], your father loves you so much. “ “ We called it a family. “ “ At first like everybody else, I was a soldier. “ “ When the boss says push a button on a guy, I push a button. “ “ No, i never talked to him. “ “ You may find this very amusing but i promise you the members of this committee do not. “ “ He was being strong for his family. “ “ By being strong for his family, could he lose it? “ “ You can never lose your family. “ “ Times are changing. “ “ It’s my pleasure, i dont want money. Take it as a gift. “ “ If theres something i can do for you, you come, we talk. “ “ [Name], why did you come to see me? “ “ He said he'd get the police to throw me out on the street. “ “ Who the hell are you to come give me orders? “ “ Do me this favor, I wont forget it. “ “ Ask your friends in the neighborhood about me, they'll tell you I know how to return a favor. “ “ Im giving back the money you gave me. “ “ Your kindness made me feel ashamed of myself. “ “ Can i offer you coffee? “ “ He won't be back. “ “ It was a term used by his friends. One of attention and respect. “ “ They have honored me with their support and friendship. “ “It would be a shame if we allowed a few rotten apples to give a bad name to the whole barrel. “ “ They are the salt of the earth and the backbones of this country. “ “ i hope they will have the decency to clear my name with the same publicity with which they have besmirched it. “ “ Well, just get a good night's sleep. “ “ Tomorrow... my life wont be worth more than a nickel after tomorrow. “ “ You’ve got a great home here, for the rest of your life. “ “ You'll live like a king. You’ll be a hero. “ “ How did they get their hands on him? “ “ He thought you double crossed him. “ “ Our detectives said he was half dead, scared stiff calling out that you'd turned on him. “ “ I havent got a lot to say, [name]. “ “ What about now? Is there anything you can help me out with? “ “ I didn't know it was gonna be a hit. I swear to God i didn’t know. “ “ He said there was something in it for me if i could help him out. “ “ He said that you were being tough on the negotiations. “ “ It would be good for the family. “ “ He said it would be good for the family. “ “ And you believed that story? You believed that? “ “ He said there was something in it for me, on my own. “ “ I’ve alway taken care of you. “ “ Did you ever think about that? Did you ever once think about that? “ “ It ain't the way I wanted it ! “ “ I can handle things, I’m smart. Not like everybody says. “ “ You’re nothing to me now. Not a brother, not a friend. I don’t want to know you, or what you do. “ “ There’s more people than at a ballgame here! “ “ I have my own family. “ “ But it was all lies, everything. “ “ So I said yeah, sure why not. “ “ There are some things id like to talk to you about. “ “ What really happened with [name]? “ “ Where is he now? “ “ I had nothing to do with it. “ “ You’ve become blind! “ “ I don’t want to hear about it “ “ At this moment i feel no love for you at all. “ “ I never thought that would happen, but it has. “ “ We leave tomorrow. “ “ [Name], you haven’t heard me. “ “ In time, you'll think differently. “ “ I know what that meant to you. I'll make it up to you. “ “ I’ve learned that I have the strength to change. “ “ I had it killed because this must all end. “ “ I know now that it’s over. I knew it then. “ “ There would be no way you could ever forgive me. “ “ I'd like to stay close to home now, if it’s alright. “ “ I hated you for so many years. “ “ I think that I did things to myself, to hurt myself, so that you'd know that I could hurt you. “ “ You were just being strong for all of us. “ “ I forgive you. “ “ Can't you forgive [name] ? “ “ Our business friend and partner is in the news. “ “ He's only got six months anyways. “ “ It would be like trying to kill the president, theres no way we can get to him. “ “ If anything in this life is certain, if history has taught us anything - it’s that you can kill anyone. “ “ Is it worth it? You’ve won, do you want to wipe everybody out? “ “ I don’t feel I have to wipe everybody out. Just my enemies, that’s all. “ “ I've always been loyal to you. What is this? “ “ Every time i put a line in the water I said a Hail Mary, and every time I said a Hail Mary I caught a fish. “ “ He's ten times tougher than me. Old fashioned. “ “ We were like the roman empire. “ “ When a plot against the emperor failed, the plotters were always given a chance to let their families keep their fortunes. “ “ The little guys, they got knocked off. “ “ [Name], kiss your mama goodbye. “ “ Mother of God, pray for us sinners. “ “ You break your father's heart on his birthday. “ “ Your country ain’t your blood. “

[gayspock]

i need to stop freaking it um

in myheadi know what people must fucking think of me and the derisive fucking thoughts they most surely have whenever id even briefly mention that. no i do not want to go into fucking therapy ever again. it does not fucking help me and in facct i am fucking telling you it categorically makes it worse. i mean everything makes it fucking worse. im patiently waiting for a fucking suggestion that does not make it fucking worse. but peopledont like it when you point out it genuinely, genuinely is a fucking lost cause. oh woophy doo. and something soemthing. its not fucking bad experiences im not that fucking stupid . i mean well yes, in fucking fairness there Have been those.

(re: the whole waiting for a fucking suggestion. just a small, simple fucking thing that wont make everything. so much worse. i cant help it. everything just fucking exacerbates every little fucking thing. i cant find anything. even stupid shit like fucking breathing exercises just make me fucking lose it . any attempt t o do anyhting just makes it worse worse worse. i feel like a fucking quittter and a n idiot and like theres something so fucking wrong with me. i know youre meant to go through hardship and its not easy but i cant fucking do it any more. i cant fucking keep doing it when i keep trying these thingsfor years and it just keeps slipping back and theres no one fucking there but the vcague judgement from some people who see snippets of you consistently fucking failing . ytoure not doing wenough youre not trying hard enough why cant you just fucking accept that it takes work. i dont know i wishthe effort mattered for once i wish it made a single difference nothing has meant anything and i just feel like im going crazy and its so fucking meaningless and its not even worth it any more. just one fucking day where itpicks up just a little fucking bit one fucking thing that wont solve anything but relieves it slightly but i cant fucking find any of it and i feel like im just being fucking worn down repeatedyly and its still never meaning anyhting ive said it i'll say it again its not fucking worth it and its never going to be worth it its never going to make up for it i dont fucking care or . Whatever)

but whatever the fucking therapy ting how do youfucking explain yes bad bad fucking experiences shitty fucking experiences ones that have never done anything but made irt worse. (oh so why dont you go seek help. easy i have never felt any smaller, or worsde as a fucking person after attempting to seek help proffessional or not. so no fine fuck me i guess i fucking have my reservations) but also just a fucking structural issue. a fucking trhis is just not fucking feasible issue. people just fucking say Go to therapy! :) at you like its some fucking magic fucking spell and tyhats the tsame thing with everything. people dont actually want to know. people dont actually fucking care what happens to you.theres that One Single fucking solution and if it ius not fucking helpful or god forbid even ccessible what do you fucking do. i feel so fucking helpless and fucking want to give up i really fucking need to give up sometime fucking soon i dont care any more . i havent cared what am i talking about. my point is fucking christ itds always the same fucking thing. i dont know how to even fucking describe it. fucking like

like jsut that samer fucking unifying issue of epople slapping some empty fucking platittude in your face without fucking listening to you. no i cannot fucking go to therapy where the fuck am i meant to access anything like that. and if i did what would it help. i can barely fucking communicate i cantbarely fucking talk any more. i cant explain anything i cant stand my fucking ground in a room i feel like im dying all the time. but thats just me not being ready and not trying hard enough and im not committing enough i thni k. but ci cant get there i keep trying i keep fucking trying to get there and im getting nowhere and i jusst fee l like im stupid and i am stupid and people get angry with you for saying that when they dont tereat you like youre aything BUT stupid . and i need helpo i know i need help but im jsut going in circles people telling me im not doing anything for help people telling me that i need help epople telling me im not good enough for help and whats that you feel worse you feel run down you dont have any faith in any of this youre a fucking stupid idiot you want this youre making it worse for yourself what the hell else is there and what good is there and why why why what else do i fucking do at this point i dont have anything else i feel like im going crazy you need to be stable to try and be in peoples lives you needd to be a fully formed person to be loved ands something thast isnt just a black fucking hole i dont know ui cant do anything by myself i keep trying and it doesnt help but i dont think iot mattrers i say its such a fucking lost cause

like i dont fucking know i cannot possibly think of anything thatr would push me closer to fucking pitching myself off the tyne bridge than being forced into cbt what am i meant to say other than this fucking feels like a living fucking nightmare and im fucking telling you activelty how fucking much this fucking approach fucks with my head hohhhhhh. thank god that 90% of the time the nhs does not only offer this and only this most of the time because its cheap and easy to push out, and if you dont feel comfortable doing it youre most likely axed or maybe a another few years of waiting and more hoop jumping, a several year long waiting list. and then what its still never going to fuckin wwork out you cant fucking talk still you cant fucking mnage anything its so ufcking uncontrollable and the truth is theres nothing anyone could fucking say to you. theres no talking your way out of it oyou cantalk for hours and fucking hours to yourself and it never makes a difference theres never been a fucking moment of fucking this will be afine you can talk to people it makes it worse what do they say theres nthing to do i am not fucking dpressed and i am going crazy because people call me crazy lets get on a waiting list to be told that its probably one longer than it is to get with a fucking Dentist in this fucking country ( to eventry anything else when youve already waited several to get where you are and you dont think you have that much longer left you think youre dead yesterday . oh sorry whats that. whats that come again? oh you dont fucking. oh thats it right but what sorry you jsut havbe to keep doing it and doing it and doing it and if you give up thats your fault i dont FUCKING CARE MAN PEOPLE MAKING FUN OF YOU, youre a self pitying asshole for not doing it for not trying hard enough for not having people who love you why dont you go out and fucking talk to people )ikeep trying i keep trying ) its like nobody believes that yes it is jsut this fucking hopeless it is this fucking pointless i do keep trying but its just so so fucking stupid endless fucking circles

the dentist bit is funny i think thats funny i wonder i feel like that se exact same people would say that you know i lost two teeth in the end because of how fucking stupid the fucking healthcare system is in this country sorry i should have fucking sat there and just Did it Faster and how you jsut cant fucking get onto anythin g but no no come on fucking sit there and fucking tell me thet thers a way out i should have just waited longer and tried reall y hard! guess what hint hint thw waiting the never having anything to f it is what made it worse is what made it unsalavegabel there is no magic make this better fucking button when its so fucking far gone when everything just rejects it when there is no fucking other way but to rip it out and fucking chuck that cunt away but i dont know i dont know i think i never had a chance sometimes i think there was never going to be a way out i think im just so upset i think i keep criyng like this knowing how fucking wrong i was for not ending i i think i feel like an idiot i think about all the fucking years of ttuying to what ther conclusion is never changing it wont fucking chance i think im crazzzzzyyyy maybe

[normal-thoughts-official]

Ok uhhh claia, lukemaryse and malec superhero au headcanons

first of all, id just like to say that i love this new trend of u guys sending me really vague prompts and giving me complete creative freedom to do whatever i want with them. i think it really shows that u trust me to create good, interesting content, and that means a lot to me. second of all, that trust is entirely misplaced. why would you ever think that id make something good. have you met me. what im trying to say here is basically: this is your own fault

behold:

In a world where everyone has a superpower, the world is bound to work a little different. No one knows what determines people's superpowers; some are fairly common (like teleportation, which led to a lot of ppl working as cabs, taking ppl to and from wherever they need) and others are unique and particularly powerful (and also dangerous, which is why particularly powerful people are part of an elite squad dedicated to keep the world safe; our very own superheroes)

Alec's superpower is definitely unique: he can sense trash. That's it. Hes just going around, living his life, sensing trash. He knows when people are littering. He can sense it from a pretty far away distance. Everywhere he goes, he knows where all the trash cans are. His life is just. Him and the trash, everywhere, haunting him

No one's ever heard of this before. Alec's mom, maryse, can bend all four elements, and is part of the Elite Squad; so is his father, although he retired from action and works behind a desk now. His sister izzy has superspeed and was trained to perfect combat in the hopes she would follow their footsteps, but ultimately decided to give it up and become a biologist instead. And Alec. Can sense trash

This was the source of a lot of Family Drama, since alec's parents were pretty strict and held their position as elite superheroes with pride, expecting nothing less from their children. But after many years of trying and failing to somehow make up for it, Alec decided to say fuck them and fully embraced who he is, refusing to live in apology. Once he finally left their house to live on his own, maryse realised he meant wanting to cut them off his life for real, and came around. Robert's lack of understanding was one of the factors that led to their divorce

Alec became an architect and works to build better and efficient waste collection systems in the country. Due to his power, he knows which places need the most infrastructure investment, as well as the problems that lead to the littering. He also knows which companies are illegally discarding their waste and how, the exact effects of that on the environment, and a lot of stuff that would otherwise only be possible through extensive research. He is an activist for both a better public, free, universal waste removal system, and stricter regulations on companies that profit from environmental destruction.

And the thing is, he likes this life. He's passionate about it. Everyday at work he gets to do a little something to make the world better and fight against injustice and use his place of privilege that comes from his education and his so-called "useless" superpower for change. He wouldn't trade it for the world and he's really passionate about what he does, even if it does take up most of his time

So when his mom comes in one day saying that a new villain named Trash Man is going around and killing people and they need his help to track him, Alec is not. amused.

First of all: Trash Man? come on

But he kind of has no choice, since this is top priority at the moment and the very ministery of security is calling him or something - every citizen is required to register their powers so they know exactly when they're needed

So he goes, and for the first time, he meets the rest of his mom's Top Secret team; first of all, there's the leader, Luke: his power is persuasion and hes very good at de-escalating events to guarantee minimal damage and better solutions, making him the most valuable asset of the team. Then there's Maryse, and under them, a team of relatively young, but very powerful, heroes: maia, a shapeshifter; clary, who can summon weapons and is very good at Stabbing; and Magnus, who can bend time and space

Magnus is also kind of the Group Genius; his power also got him an special interest in physics and chemistry, meaning that he is not only able to use his power intelligently and creatively, but effectively enhance it; he's also very good with tech and responsible for a lot of their non-power-related assets. Honestly, he likes that part way better than the crime-fighting blah blah blah, but he kind of has no choice over what he does because he's an orphan and extremely powerful, meaning he's viewed as a threat by the government while simultaneously being dependant on them, and would pretty much have nowhere to turn to if he didnt start working for them

But really, he wants to be a scientist. He wants to do good things. He wants to create stuff that will make people's lives, and the world, better. He doesn't even believe in this whole "crime fighting" shit; he believes in a just world crime would be minimal and using their resources to fight bad guys instead of working on crime prevention is an absolute waste. But it's not like anybody asked for his opinion.

Alec and Magnus immediately hit it off; Alec was kind of tense at first because surely these guys would have the world's hugest chip on their shoulder, right? But instead everyone welcomes him, and Magnus kind of jokes that he envies him, which takes him by surprise

Because Maia and Clary are both Magnus' great friends as well, Alec also gets closer to them; Clary can be a little self-centered and annoying, but she's cool and Maia always calls her out on it. Maia is a fierce, amazing, smart girl and Alec can totally see why she and Magnus are so close, with their similar sense of humor, shared experiences (Maia is not an orphan but she ran away from home when she was pretty young), and gleaming, almost mischievous intelligence and talent. Alec can hold a conversation with them alright, since as an architect he needs quite some knowledge of physics and as an activist he can also hold pretty good and deep conversations with them about the system and its flawed, unjust logic; but there are some topics they get into that just kind of escalate and seem to get them in their own little world. Alec finds himself watching from the sidelines sometimes, and while he admires that - and doesnt miss the way clary will sometimes sit beside him and watch them as well, a small smile on her face that tells him everything he needs to know - he finds himself... a little upset by it, too

Not that he has a problem with them, but he finds himself wanting to feel like he belongs, and that's kind of- new. It's not like his life is a sad wet sock of loneliness or anything, he has his sister, he has some friends, but he's a private kind of guy and he finds himself more comfortable at the sidelines than the spotlight, except when it comes to his work, because hes good at that

It's just his luck, then, that Trash Man turns out to be really smart and hard to track due to [vague plot noises], giving him all the time he needs to, well, figure this out

So he spends more time with them, particularly Magnus. The both of them will sometimes sit talking for hours, and soon learn a lot about each other. Magnus listens, enraptured, whenever Alec goes on a passionate Trash Rant™ and Alec is always in awe by Magnus' smart solutions. They begin some sort of camraderie that's also laced with Magnus' oh-so-smooth flirting, which started strong and eventually died out as Magnus began to realize he really liked Alec and his usual confidence and devil-may-care attitude vanished. But Alec mistakes this as Magnus losing interest or him seeing things. Cue lots of mutual pining

At least once Alec gets thrown through a wall by some villain; but, little did he know, it wasnt just a normal wall that he broke; it was the fourth wall. Alec looks straight into the reader's eyes, and goes: "I can sense trash. That's why, in this AU, i was never friends with jace". Then Magnus comes in and takes him back to the other side of the wall, and Alec blinks, confused, not remembering what had just happened. This is never mentioned again

Idk theres some gay shit in here, Alec introduces Magnus to Izzy and Magnus is absolutely in awe with her work. Izzy specializes in pollinators and works trying to restore the bee population and guarantee a more sustainable environment. Her work crosses with Alec's a surprising amount of times, and Magnus, who loves both animals and the incredible amount of knowledge her research requires, and they become super good friends almost immediately, which makes Alec very pleased.

More gay shit, Alec and Magnus decide to team up to try and get Clary and Maia together, only to be knocked sideways when they find out they're already dating. Maryse is like "do the four of you ever work" and Alec is hit with the realisation that his mom, too, kind of lives in the sidelines when it comes to things that arent work; luke seems to be kind of the mediator between her and the rest of the team, which is kind of sad. She does seem to have a good relationship with Luke, tho

Eventually they defeat Trash Man and Alec is no longer required to work for them and can go back to his trash activism; and when he does, so does Magnus, who is invited to work with izzy's team, which he gladly accepts

Somehow Alec confesses? And Magnus is in awe because he of course never expected Alec to like him back but. It turns out Alec is the most confident out of the two of them despite their exterior telling most people otherwise. And Magnus just says that yes he likes him back and will go out with him and they kiss passionately in the middle of the lab surrounded by bees but there are also flowers so theres that. And then they get married. I mean not right after but some years later

Magnus leaving inspires the rest of them, in some ways; Maia, Luke and Maryse start actually fighting to change the crime fighting policies to investment in crime prevention because new supervillains will always keep coming. The romantic tension between them finally snaps and they start going out. Maryse seems like such a different person now, more open and happier. Alec is pleased

They save the bees and the trash and the impending environmental apocalypse that looms over us is avoided idk that's all Ive got

Again this is your fault

The end

[bluesweatersleeve]

Aw, what's wrong? Are you sick?

for @corkcollector

from yur uhhh are you sick drawing :)

fitz/matt..???

tl:dr = fitz kidnap poor babey matt, gives him pill(s) and now matt has bad stomach ache :(  oh cam? Uh cam not here… anyways…

Its bad and rushed because i had like 50 ideas for your drawing and i just decided “welp, whatever i wanna put in along the way ill just put oh well” lol ill have a list of what i wanted to put at the bottom

DAMNIT ITS FORMATTED DIFFERENTLY awhatever im too tired to fix it im sorry please forgive i might fix in the morning but i must sleep my leg tingles

-

The rope began to hurt his wrists, though his ankles became numb to the constant pricking of the roughness. The ropes little bumps and ridges scratched at Matt, going up and down, sometimes side to side. Being restrained to a chair meant non stop struggling, and the rope had begun to dig into his wrists, and even though Matt couldn’t see his wrists, he bet that they were red with pain, perhaps more red than Matt’s red flushed face from the humidity of the basement.

Even if Matt had been stripped down into nothing, the heat would still feel like as though it was personally choking him. Matt didn’t know if it was the heat or maybe if the wounds scattered across his body began to become infected from neglect, but he began to feel sick. And it was evident through his coughs.

Though the coughs felt more like than just a cough. They felt as though it was killing him slowly, and perhaps it was, but Matt refused to let himself die in a dusty, muggy basement. Especially a basement that didn’t even belong to him or a friend. The coughs only progressively got worse though, the outcome transitioning from nothing to blood. It was always blood, never anything else.

Matt refused to look at the small blood patches surrounding him. He knew it was there, and he knew it was from him, but the look of it made the coughs return. The smell was bad enough, but the look of the dried, and recent blood combined only made it worse.

Matt’s only release from everything was when he would pass out from lack of food, or when night fell, and he would be left alone to sleep for the next round of abuse. Though sometimes, his captor liked to interfere with Matt’s temporary feeling of freedom.

Sometimes, Matt’s captor makes Matt sick. But Matt would rather die than be sick.

-

The cold water splashed onto Matt, the water, although a refreshing feeling from the constant heat Matt felt, was still a shock, and it stung into Matt’s fresh scars from his captor’s lovely session of torture earlier in the day.

“Ah-!” Matt gasped, the pain and shock combining into a sound. Matt gasped for air as the water dripped from his hair, and began to cough, already feeling something build in his throat. “F-fuck!”

Matt coughed, the blood falling from his mouth and landing onto the floor with a soft splat.

“Disgusting.” The man that towered over him laughed, throwing the once water filled bucket off to the side. He moved slowly as he stood off to the side of Matt, narrowing his eyes when he saw another blood patch fall to the ground. Fitz scoffed as Matt’s coughs continued. A sly smirk played onto his face. “Hmph, look at you. Weak, puny, dying.”

“N-no!” Matt choked out, spitting the blood out from his mouth. The blood ran down his lip as he weakly glared at Fitz, the fighting spirit in his eyes beginning to stir again. “I-I’m not-”

Matt’s head dropped down as another coughing fit began, his throat beginning to ache as blood clogged up, feeling like it only moved a centimeter each hack he had. The blood came out in pieces, landing in the water coloring it red. Matt felt like passing out from the coughing fit, but his attention was focused on Fitz who smiled smugly at him.

“I-I’m not dying..”

“You so sure about that?” Fitz asked as if to mock Matt’s statement. He laid his hands softly onto Matt’s shoulders, holding it with a wicked grin. “You’ve been coughing blood for how long now? 3, 4 days? Oh! And how long has those wounds been on you? 6, or maybe a whole week?”

“No-”

“Oh Matt, how will you ever get better after this? Normal medicine won’t do..” Fitz said, looking at Matt who turned his head to the side to avoid his gaze. “Good thing I don’t use normal medicine.”

Matt’s eyes became alert and his head whipped around to look at Fitz. Fitz smirked at him and brought his hand behind him, pulling out a bottle of white pills. Matt’s tough persona broke, and he shook his head, lowering it, and feeling himself begin to break down. Fitz chuckled, and rattled the bottle as he circled Matt and stopped in front of him, looking at Matt’s lowered yet almost still head. The tears fell onto Matt’s already wet shirt, and FItz rolled his eyes.

“Stop crying, you fucking child.” Fitz grabbed a handful of Matt’s hair and pulled it up, forcing Matt to look at him. Fitz’s face scrunched up as Matt looked.at him tearfully. Matt snarled and glared at Fitz, who growled back. “God, you’re disgusting. Good thing I’m getting rid of you.”

Fitz opened the bottle, and took out a few looking at Matt who stared at the pills with fear. The white pills looked as though they were glowing in Fitz’s hand under the moonlight. The rest of the pills were thrown off to the side, close to where the bucket lay.

Fitz approached Matt, and time seemed to move slow, as if to torture Matt in what might be his last day alive. Matt stared at Fitz through half-lidded eyes, who stared at him back. Fitz managed to catch him off guard and grabbed Matt’s hair quickly, and pulled it again, Matt’s mouth hanging loose to which Fitz used to his advantage and dropped the pills in. Matt instantly tried to spit them out, but failed when Fitz clamped a hand over his mouth.

“Mm- mh!” Matt shook his head, trying to remove Fitz’s hand from his mouth. Fitz grabbed the back of Matt’s head and held him still, smiling as Matt’s half-lidded eyes turned wide eyed with panic. “Mmm!”

“If you swallow it, this’ll be over so much quicker.” Fitz said, tightening his grip on Matt’s head. Matt shook his head, but complied when Fitz began to crush his hands together.

Matt closed his eyes as he forced himself to slowly swallow the half dissolved pills, having to also swallow the bitter and gross saliva pool in his mouth. Matt opened his eyes and glared at Fitz when finished, but he folded when a sharp and sudden pain hit his stomach. Fitz let go of Matt and watched as Matt twitched with pain.

Matt breathed heavily and looked at Fitz, who smiled cheerfully at him. Matt lurched forward, and cried out in agony as the pain continued.

“D-damnit..” Matt heaved, dropping his head as the pain disappeared and reappeared. “F-fuck you!”

“Aw, what's wrong? Are you sick?” Fitz laughed, glancing back at the bottle of pills. He smiled and turned back to Matt “If you’d like, I can give you more.”

“N-no!” Matt writhed with pain, feeling it beginning to throb, as if it had a mind of it’s own and knew Matt hated it. “Please, no!”

Fitz cackled and stepped away from the view in front of him. Matt’s poor attempt at trying to stop the pain ended with the rope on his wrists digging deeper into him. Matt didn't know what to do, but all he felt was an extreme pain that seemed to spread all across his body. Matt wished he could scream, but his throat was clogged with blood and saliva, only letting whimpers and chokes out.

Fitz held Matt's head softly, trying to stop himself from laughing as Matt shook.

"Ah, don't worry Matt, by this night you should be dead." Fitz proudly announced to him, pulling away from him and walking to the door. "Keep coughin' Matt, because if you're not dead by tonight, then I'll kill you myself."

Fitz revealed a metal bat that rest just behind the thick wooden door frame, and tapped it on the floor, letting it echo, and sound over Matt's pained whines. He took one last glance at the soon to be corpse, and smirked at what he has made of Matt.

The door slammed shut, and Matt knew it was the last time he would hear it, thank god, because Matt could already feel himself slipping from consciousness.

Matt smiled weakly and looked at the door.

"I'll see you, Cam.." Matt murmured, dropping his head, letting the pain overtake him as his breathing slowed. "I'll see..you.."

-

WELP heres like all 50 of my ideas lolol

-fitz pretends to be cam, puts something in matts drink and turns him into a mindslave (and a 2nd one but matt dies instead)

-fitz pretends to be cam, puts something in matts drink, and matt begins to forget stuff, and eventually forgets e v e r y t h i n g, and is stuck in an neverending existential crises

-matt was gonna spit in fitz's faces before being forced to take the pills

-matt was gonna go crazy after taking the pills like "death? dont know her! fuck you!"

-there was gonna be no bloody cough before but i said yeah sure why not

-fitz was gonna wrap ropes around matt to increase his pain, or he was gonna let matt out of his chair but like, break his limbs (then i was like "wait a minute idk how to write bones!), and let him writhe in pain

-cams spirit gonna appear oOoOo (then i said no! this isnt wattpad!)

-idk in the basement theres a small ass window, and i was gonna have some weird ass connection to the moon but was like nah

-was gonna add a whole thing of cam being the next victim and matts dead body just in front of him the whole time, and fitz comes down and he's holding the pills

-^^if i was gonna add that, once cam died, fitz was gonna call his fukin goons and be like "alright the first couples down, get the next one. ah..swagger and toby was it?"

-i was too lazy

-bUt there was gonna be one where cam just breaks into the basement and beats the shit out of fitz and leaves with matt

-^^or it was gonna be fitz reacts like the fucking flash and beats his ass first and taunts matt with his bruised/dead body

-i was too lazy

okay im donee..its 4:02am im gonna sleep i hope you see this hahhxhhdha

bye sisters, respect the queen or i slice your peen

of course queen is toby.

[lenin-it-to-win-it]

just gonna rant about my health issues to no one in particular for a bit under the cut sooo

im just so fucking tired of being sick all the time like. its been almost 2 years now of actively Going To Doctors And Having Tests Done And Trying To Get A Diagnosis and fucking!!! nothing works!!! and i only have until the end of this coming school year to get it figured out before my insurance runs out otherwise im just fucked!!! because im sure as hell not gonna be able to afford a fucking mri every six months making 10 bucks an hour at some retail shithole but so far ive seen SIX different fucking doctors (not counting 2 ER visits) because they all just keep shuffling me back and forth like “idk maybe have someone else deal with this? weird lol” or like “have you considered that maybe you might have anxiety :) you seem stressed :)” 

like yeah its a fucking stressful situation getting progressively fucking sicker for two goddamn years wasting thousands of dollars and reaching the end of a fucking ticking clock because almost every doctor ive seen is an incompetent jackass who does NOTHING but waste my time and money and then fucking condescend to me about anxiety like!!! yeah i probably DO have anxiety and depression and autism and what the fuck ever else but this isnt THAT 

and the literal ONE TIME i had ANY treatment that worked AT ALL helping with my eye spasms (literally One of Many Symptoms that i deal with on a fucking daily basis that still manages to completely fuck up my life) is something i cant take anymore because it damaged my fucking eyes!!! possibly permanently!!! i already HAD issues wtih light sensitivity that this medicine made WAYYY fucking worse and guess whats one of the WORST things at setting off my eye spasms??? anything to do with fucking light so YEAH thANKS for that @ the opthalmologist who had me take those damn eye drops for two months straight, which other neuro opthalmologist said was bullshit when i saw her again, not that im letting HER off the hook either since she REFERRED me to that incompetent bitch in the first place and then had NO solution other than “hm well you definitely shouldnt take that medicine again, but theres literally No Other Treatment, maybe blow another $400 in a few months to come see me again so i can continue to Not Help You In Any Way”

and its getting wORSE ALL THE TIME!!! and the best thing doctors can think of is “hm well maybe wait a bit to see if it gets worse? and maybe then we’ll know what it is?” well its getting worse!!!! but they still dont seem to know what it is!!! like at first it was just my vision going out of focus for a few seconds at a time, then it was a few minutes, then i was having visual distortion (or maybe hallucinations? who knows! certainly not any of the fucking doctors ive seen!), then awful fucking eye strain headaches, then spasms in my neck, then my jaw, then my arms, then my legs, now all fucking over, and now i get sick and dizzy just by moving my HEAD too far or too suddenly and like at work earlier today i was just stumbling around for two hours bc there was too much pressure in my head and everything felt tilted and i was just grabbing at every surface trying not to fall with my head like on my shoulder bc keeping my neck straight was too fucking hard and i swear to fuckign god a couple nights ago there was this weird buzzing on the side of my face??? and like it felt like my mouth was moving slower than it should??? but i dont even KNOW if thats a Real SymptomTM or if i was just freaked out and tired and imagining things or if i really am just getting to be a paranoid delusional nutcase about my health because every little thing terrifies me at this point, like ive been coughing for a couple weeks and instead of being like “oh its a bad cold” im like “maybe now my immune systems fucked up too maybe this is A New Symptom” i literally cant tell anymore i have no fucking idea 

and i dont WANT to think about all this All The Fucking Time but i do!!!!! i literally HAVE to bc it affects my life in every fucking possible way and i cant escape it like even rn the light from the fuckign computer is hurting my eyes and i cant even see what im typing half the time bc my eyes keep going out of focus and my teeth keep chattering and my head hurts or ill go to get a drink of water but then just Stand there for a few minutes bc i dont trust myself to hold a cup full of water and not spill it bc im having spasms or ill have to wear sunglasses at the dinner table bc my fucking idiot asshole dad got the BRIGHTEST possible lightbulbs for the dining room and i physically cant stand them 

or like im already dreading having to explain all this shit to my professors this semester about how like “oh so i probably wont be able to keep up with daily readings, especialyl not if theyre on physical paper and i cant scale up the text because my eyes just spontaneously stop working and i cant read..... and ill need a computer to take notes, i can Usually hold a pencil but one time i had a spasm in class and flung it across the room and it was super embarrassing and i ltierally skipped that class for weeks because of it so id really rather not deal with that again.... and even though im a fuckign AMAZING public speaker like, state champion debate level public speaking, ill still probably get super fucking nervous and suck at any kind of in class presentation bc ill just be thinking about my spasms the whole time and wont be able to focus....... and ill have to wear sunglasses all the time too so hopefully thats not an issue........ and also ill probably miss a lot of class bc whether or not i can handle walking half a mile Varies Wildly from day to day and also i have a lot of doctors appointments and sometimes im on medicine that completely ruins my sleep schedule so you know... looking forward to a great semester, hope i dont completely fail your class” 

and i have fuckign work tomorrow where ill have to deal with trying to pretend like even the most minor tasks arent painful and difficult and deal with awful btichy entitled customers complaining that im not SMILEY enough for you like the motherfucker who asked me how i was and i said fine and he was like “jUuUUuuuST fINE” like shut the everlasting FUCK UP with that ive met my obligation leave me ALONE my day isnt FINE im in awful pain and i HATE you and everyone like you or ill have to deal with my coworkers giving me weird looks while im having spasms or outright MOCKING me for them like the asshole that called me TWITCH (and a whore, but thats Another Fucking Story) or just not knowing how to deal and making bad taste jokes like when my teeth are chattering bc I Physically Cant Make It Stop like “haha are you chewing an invisible piece of gum lol” like no bitch im a neurological nightmare and my brain doesnt work and im Barely Holding Together would you PLEASE shut the fuck up 

and most of the time i just feel like everyone thinks im a fucking freak like even just sitting in the waiting room to see the neurologist or opthalmologist or whatever and everyone else there is Old and im the only person even remotely close to my age there and even the doctors dont seem to take me that seriously bc of it like “oh shes young, cant be that bad, all these old people out here are gonna die like tomorrow so why worry about this girl, its probably just anxiety from being on her period or having a test to study for lol” like straight up when the movement disorder neurologist was examining me she was like “im not used to seeing anyone this young or healthy’ and i know she meant it relatively speaking but like!!! clearly im NOT healthy or i wouldnt BE here like obviously something is wrong with me and its ruining my life and its serious and id like it fixed thanks!!!!! 

and i feel like No One Gets It like, obviously there are people wayyyy sicker than i am who suffer a lot more or people in similar situations but like. i dont Personally Know someone like that i can just talk to and like, of course i have friends who can Listen but.................................. theres a difference from being able to listen and being able to actually Understand and sometimes you just cant Get It unless youve gone through it like i really dont think ANYONE in my life has any idea how serious this is or how much it affects me and i know i cant expect everyone to just Always Think Of My IssuesTM but little things!!! like maybe NOT having the brighest possible lightbulbs in the dining room!!!! my brother NOT having his birthday party at dave and busters, which i had TONS of spasms at last time i went (and im even worse now!) AND the staff gave me shit about wearing sunglasses so now im nervous about That too or just! idk! people respecting and listening to me when i tell them that i Cant Do Something or that Doing That Thing Hurts and not just brushing me off or telling me im overreacting and then getting all shocked pikachu face when their dumbassery actually physically HURTS me and i get pissed with them for it!!!!

i dont think anyone gets how much it scares me all the time or how its Always on my mind and i literally cant think about anything else like. this could be the rest of my life. this could end my life. i dont know what i have. i might get diagnosed in the next month and have it completely cured, i might get a diagnosis and still be sick forever, i might not find out until its too late and i have LITERALLY NO FUCKING IDEA WHICH ONE!!!! ITS GREAT!!!!!!!! WELCOME TO MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!

[laurent-ofvere]

How did you lose 50+ pounds? I’m currently trying to lose weight so I’d love the tips!

idk how this got so long when im saying virtually nothing innovative but hey whats up i dont know how to be concise

i truly dont think im the person to ask bc i really didnt do anything revolutionary but if you’re curious for my experience i can definitely babble for you.

first of all i was very VERY unhealthy before so im sure anything small i could have done for my diet would have been effective. 

i only drank water (apart from coffee but just homemade, none of that starbucks/dunkin shit) i cut out sweet drinks and alcohol (my tolerance after a year or not drinking/losing a ton of weight was a fucking yikes) i dont really care for sweet drinks and theres so much sugar and calories in them that for me, it was a simple way to avoid all that extra shit, plus the water made me feel really clean.

i substituted everything i could with whole wheat (bread, pasta etc)

i cut my portion sizes down. not to anything crazy small or limiting, i was just eating way too much before so i ate “normal” amounts. initially it took a bit for me to feel full bc i was like uhh where are my additional 15 servings?? but i adjusted rather quickly and eventually if for whatever reason i ate something much large like before, i got full halfway.

and tbh thats really it. i dont know much at all about fitness and health but this is just what worked for me and showed me results. i could never really do the kind of diet that cuts a grouping out entirely (my best friend does keto and it sounds like my personal hell) bc ill break immediately and start to resent it, so i just know what i can limit, what i can temporarily take out and what i simply cant go without. im not wild about sweets so removing desserts is no biggie, and i just substitute healthy sweeter things for when im craving it. i cant however not eat bread, so guess what, im eating the fucking bread, ill just be smarter about it. if im gonna be eating a dinner centered around rice for example, ill try not to have toast for breakfast. i love carbs, its all i wanna eat so when im having a plate of chicken and potatoes ill have chicken with a few potatoes on the side rather the other way around like before. if i only have the chicken im gonna feel deprived and it wont stick.

here are a few tips i can think of:

look up recipes!! i never cooked before and i love it now. there are so many ways you can tweak a certain meal so its not the same thing every day and so many spices you can play around with to switch it up. when i was younger and tried dieting i was like ‘so, salad every day?’ which was stupid and repetitive and wrong and failed every time. know the things you like and google the shit out of it. you know how much indian i eat now?? SO MUCH.

try writing down what you eat. i know its not for everyone but it can work sometimes. (my moms doctor had her do it for a few weeks for a reason i cant recall and she actually lost weight in those weeks) it can be helpful to look back at everything you put in your mouth, especially if you’re maybe not seeing results and wanna compare what you ate one week/how much you lost then to what you ate a different week/how much you lost then. also, you might be less inclined to not eat something that you know you probably shouldn’t if youre gonna have to write it down and “face it”.

listen to me: get that unhealthy shit out of the house!! dont buy it, thats it. it is a MILLION times harder to avoid temptation when its right in front of you. if im craving chips and open the pantry and its right there im like good god help me but if i wake up with a wild craving, am i REALLY about to put on a bra and walk to the supermarket? doubtful.

i dont mean this in a “nothing tastes better than skinny way” bc ?? what the fuck but sometimes its just about putting things in perspective. straight up, i didnt like my body and i didnt like the way it looked so yeah, sometimes i do need to remind myself that the pleasure ill feel when im fitting in things i really want to or look a certain way will be much greater than the pleasure this burger will give me.

but sometimes man we gotta eat the fucking burger!! yeah its a diet and it will require being strict on yourself, but its not meant to be miserable! you know yourself, you know what will make you feel guilty and what will make you feel like “eh, was a bump but a worth it bump” and thats FINE. if im never eating something tasty or something that makes me happy then i point blank will not make it. and yeah theres healthier meals and snacks that i now genuinely know i love, but sometimes i just want an eggroll and i straight up do not give a fuck. 

[skizmin]

Ravenclaw Woojin

genre: fluff of course, sorta?? enemies to lovers but?? not really???, an adamant y/n and a soft woojin,,,, none of the other members appear which i didnt even realise until i finished

okay so woojin is ravenclaws most trusted prefect as hes the eldest one and literally does The Most to make himself available for others

seriously once he asked the defence against the dark arts professor for a 2 week extension on his assignment so he could tutor 5 people for the upcoming charms exam 

like,,,,,,,, damn

anyway so you actually do this extended course of charms, youre in the same class as woojin and for some reason??? the fact that hes so naturally good at it pisses you off

especially when youre falling slightly behind in that class

okay a LOt behind

your like,, only friend in that class is dropping it next term to focus on her divination classes and she doesn’t get it either but it doesnt affect her grades not nearly as much as it affects yours. 

shes all “dude just ask for woojin to tutor you” and youre like 

No NO no

no way are you being tutored by kim woojin. the idea just embarrasses you

you’re usually fine with getting help from peers but woojin?? everyone goes to him for tutoring and you sorta just dont??? wanna put yourself into that group???

you feel like it makes you inferior to him for some reason which is the worst feeling ever

(even tho you totally arent bc youre beating him in potions anyway)

anyway so its a wednesday morning and the class is about to end to allow the students to go have breakfast (you know how extended courses are out of normal school times ye??)

you’re tired as fuck

confused as fuck

hungry as fuck

everything as fuck

but then “y/n!” called you to your senses and you stopped packing your things

your professor had just called you up, an ancient tiny little man who was apart of the great battle of hogwarts some time ago

“yes sir?”

“come here would you?” 

you shoved your ink jar into your bag and nodded, walking out from behind your desk and saying bye to your friend who was leaving already

god she really did hate this class you thought lmao

the majority of the students were still packing their things away in a slow drawl probably instigated by the dim, sleepy light of the chilly morning

“anything i can help you with?” you awkwardly asked your professor who smiled at you, stepping down from his place standing on books to look up at you

“yes actually, ive noticed you’re falling behind.”

you cringed, hard, not even wanting to turn around and see who was watching

“i suggest you get a tutor if you wanna get an A for this semester, y/n.”

“sir, i don’t have time to be tutored!”

“well then i guess you’re going to fail this course y/n. just be tutored enough to catch you up on the syllabus and then i can help you with the rest, okay?”

you internally groaned. this was bad

“you’re smart, it’ll only be about 2 weeks before youre caught up. im sure theres plenty of people that would tutor you.”

you nodded and politely fare-welled the teacher before turning to walk out of the classroom

the classroom was surprisingly empty, and you were happy to see that, not really excited about your professor sharing the fact that you were failing the course

sighing to yourself, you walked out of the door, planning to go meet your friends in the great hall

“hey! wait! y/n!” 

you whipped around, half scared to death

the halls were practically empty yet

there was kim woojin

standing right next to the doorway you had just exited

your head tipped back. had he really been standing there the whole time?

“do you wanna meet tonight or something? we can go to the library?”

you gave him a pointed stare

“what? why?”

woojin was a little taken aback, he grew smaller under your gaze.

“oh, so i can- you know, tutor you? i heard you were behind by a bit.”

he looked almost embarrassed at how you were responding to his offer as you sharpened your gaze on him

“i dont need you to tutor me. i can find someone else.”

and with that you left a frowning, dumbfounded woojin standing in the hallway as you stalked off to the great hall

stupid woojin

who did he think he was asking you to meet him in the library

surely you can catch up on your own, you really dont need his help. you’re like, shaking your head lmao

smh

but anyway, the end of the day comes and you grab all these phat stacks of parchment and take you study charm books to the library and sit at the farthest ever table away from literally everyone

you start studying properties of all the spells youve learnt this second term

you get to the third spell, aparecium, one youve been having a lot of trouble remembering

you groaned, looking up in your book what exactly the spell meant and remembering it was in fact a revealing charm and you didnt have any pages with invisible ink on them. 

you began flipping further into the book, trying to find the incantation for concealing ink writing so you could practise 

“h-here.” 

you fuCKING LEAPED IN YOUR SEAT

BITCH TF

THAT SCARED YOu oh my god what was he doing here

“s-sorry for scaring you b-but, its got concealed writing on it so you can, like- practise?”

he sounded sorta hopeful as he slid the paper over to you, hands nervously twining with each other in front of him afterwards

your pride was getting to you tho so

“i’m good at that spell, i don’t need to practise it.”

woojin blinked and squinted at you a little, trying to figure out whether or not you were lying

“ooookayyyy. anyway, anything else you want help with? i can explain it a little bit for you?”

you resisted the MASSIVE urge to roll your eyes at him

we get it, youre good at this

“im okay, thanks.”

you expect woojin to leave then, and it seems he does too as he stutters in his movement before clenching his eyes shut

“do you not l-like me or something? or did i-, did i do something to you?” he peeked an eye open to gauge your reaction

he looked almost

scared?

oh no, oh no

what was this guilt? you could feel your glare softening in an instant

why are you liKE THIS

“n-no! i dont!” you stuttered out a reply, eyes widening slightly

and then, he smiled. and he smiled wide

you felt blinded almost, your heart started palpitating. so this is what it was like to have woojin smile at you, and you only.

you were fucked

“oh! okay then! sorry i just-, i just thought i’d annoyed you or something so..” he trailed off, tapping his shoe on the ground suddenly very interested in the lamp on the library desk

“anyway!” he spoke up again. “i’ll uh, i’ll leave you to it. and don’t forget to practise aparecium. it’ll be on the next test for sure.” he grinned at you again and you sorta maybe might have felt heat crawling to your cheeks.

“t-thanks woojin.”

he nodded at you, still smiling before leaving

you banged your head on the table, what in the world was that interaction

whilst burying your face in your hands you noticed he had left the enchanted paper with you, you shrugged

might as well use it, right?

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, shit

1 and a half hours later yu were groaning out of pure frustration with yourself. no matter how perfectly you practised the incantation or how directly you swished your wand at the page, nothing appeared

no writing or anything

you were beginning to wonder if woojin gave you the right piece of parchment, that this was the one with the invisible ink

you shook your head, looking at the clock closest to you and deciding it was too late to be studying and that your brain mustnt be working right,

you packed up your stuff and went back to your dorm, making sure to get as good a sleep as possible because you had another extension charms lesson tomorrow morning

,,,

anyway so you woke up late in the morning with a sore neck and red eyes. 

this was Not Good

quickly tugging on your robes and frantically shoving things into your bag whilst brushing your teeth you rushed out of you dormitory and ran all the way to the charms classroom

you ran in out of breath, your professor looking at you with an unimpressed look. “glad to see you could make it y/n.” he drawled before turning back to the blackboard

you whined as you saw him writing a test warning for 2 weeks time, sleepily stumping your way over to your friend who was laughing at you loudly

unpacking your things, you glanced around the room. eyes landing on woojin who had a hand resting under his chin staring right back at you

your cheeks went a bit red when he smiled at you, giving you a small wave before turning his head to the board again

your friend next to you shoved you a little bit, when your turned your head you face her she simply mouthed an i saw that

you rolled your eyes and paid attention to the rest of the lesson without any distractions

anddddd thennnnnn it was over

you blinked, your notes were cleaner today than usual

“hey, y/n!” you looked up to find woojin standing in front of your desk, toothy grin on his face as per usual

your heart sorta skipped a beat before you were able to tell it not to

“hey woojin :))” you smiled, trying your best to sound friendly whilst not looking like an absolute fool

he sorta squinted at you a bit before “so uh, how was studying?”

it was your turn to look at him sceptically this time

“it was,,,,,, good??” you questioned, unsure of how to respond

woojins smile sorta falters before coming back with a somewhat sad lilt to it

“ah, right. well i gotta go. my friends are waiting.” and with that he nodded at you and left

you were confused as fuck

well, that was certainly weird

anyway, for the next week and 3 days, woojin completely avoided you

you’d be fine with this of course if you hadnt gotten that little soft spot for him a while back

it sorta hurt when your smiled at him and he sorta just sadly smiled back and looked away, or if you were gonna say hi to him he’d scurry away before one word could leave your mouth

you were really down about it honestly

bUT you also didnt have time to worry about it

your test was in FOUR. DAYS. 

AND you had studied everything else to the best of your ability apaRT from the revealing charm, aparecium.

you wanted to cry, no one could explain it well enough to you and you could say the incantation right bc everyone spoke too fast and apparently you had to use it MULTIPLE times on the tes to maKE QUESTIONS APPEAR. 

QUESTIONS

INVISIBLE QUESTIONS THAT COUNT TOWARDS YOUR MARK

basically, you were having a mental breakdown and you knew there was only one person left to try and explain it to you

kim woojin

again, he was A V O I D I N G    Y O U

which made you angry bc you neED TO GET AN A

anyway, so your class on a tuesday was an afternoon class and you sorta just planned to corner him there after class

flitwick usually left 10 minutes early to arrive at his choir practises on time and put a charm on the door so no student could leave early

so the time comes, the bells ring and students rush out of the class you go and lie in their beds or whatever most teenagers do nowadays

and you make your way over to woojin’s desk as he packs up his things, he was always the last to leave

you coughed to get his attention, when he looked up his eyes widened

“i need your help.” you stated, eyes boring into his, you could swear you saw pink flush over his cheeks

“im uh, im busy. sorry y/n-”

“just one charm? please? i really need it, no one else can explain it.”

woojins eyes softened and he bit his lip. he was contemplating.

“okay.” you smiled at him widely “lets try now, okay?”

you nodded, placing you bag down and grabbing out some enchanted pieces of parchemnt, including the one he gave you

you sat down next to him and he look confused

“whats the paper for?”

“the aparecium charm.” you replied simply, turning to face him

a look of realisation dawned over his face

“i thought you said you were good at that charm?” he muttered

you looked at him weird, why was he acting so strange?

“i lied, i didnt want help back then but i do now. so,”

and then he grinned widely, taking a piece of paper that wasnt the one he gave you and telling you to watch closely

“aparecium.” he said, clearly. swishing his wand almost expertly

you looked at the paper in front of you and saw the writing of hello appear on it in your cursive handwriting

you looked up at him in aw.

“can you say it again? slowly? i dont think im pronouncing it right.”

woojin giggled

G I G G L E D

and repeated himself, clear and slow. you nodded at him, taking a random piece of paper and clearing your throat

“wait!” woojin yelped “use this one!” 

you furrowed your brows as he shoved the piece of paper he gave you in the library in front of you

“uh, okay?” you replied, glancing up at his smile

clearing your throat again, you swished you wand and spoke clearly. “aparecium.”

nothing happened to the paper and you groaned loudly

“oh, y/n, your pronunciation is perfect. its the swish thats wrong.”

you bored your eyes into him “what?”

“youre doing it this way. youre supposed to do it this way” he flourished his wand to demonstarte to you the wrong doing

you still furrowed your brow, not really seeing the difference between the two

“here, i’ll show you”

o hMY GOD HE 

HE JUST GRABBED YOUR HAND HOLY SHIT

SIRENS CALL THE AMBULANCE

YOU REALLY ALMOST CHOKED ON AIR

suddenly you felt fire all over. red surely covering your face as you tried to concentrate but holY SHIT

“okay so youre going like this.” he moved your hand in his own, making out the movement you made before

“but you should be doing this.” 

o h

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh

now you get it

you wanted to bang your head on the table for being so dumb about it

“oH RIGHT! woojin you’re literally a life saver!”

he laughed again, retracting his hand from yours as red splashed over his cheeks and onto his ears

“well, go on! try it!

you smiled, looking down at the paper and saying a strong and clear incantation whilst moving your wand exactly how woojin showed you to

you squeALED in excitement as ink dotted onto the page! 

you grabbed woojin by the forearm and raised it above both of your heads in celebration

he laughed and cheered along with you before you settled down, beginning your massive thank you speech.

“seriously i couldnt have done it without your help i could have faile-”

“y/n, read it.” woojin smiled at you

“what?” you replied, confused

“read the parchment.”

eyebrows furrowing once again you looked down at the parchment with now visible ink

do you wanna maybe go to hogsmeade with me this weekend?

your eyes widened

no way

no way no way no way

you snapped your eyes up to meet his

this is why he avoided you! he thought youd rejected him in such a selfish cold hearted way!

“i’ve uh, actually liked you for a while. we missed last weekend but im down to go next weekend if you want?”

“i- i, i mean, y-you! of course! i’ll go with you, yeah! oh my god i am so sorry you mustve thought i was such a bitch i shouldnt have lied im an awf-”

oh my fUCKING GOD

CODE FUCKING RED HIS HANDS WHERE ON YOUR CHEEKS

AND HIS LIPS ON YOURS

BREATHING? WHOS SHE

your eyes clenched shut as you reached to grab the front of his robes, kissing him back

you felt so goddamn dizzy, your mind cloudy at the absolute bliss of the feeling of his lips and how they moved against yours

he started smiling against you and had to pull away, his eyes glimmering and heart beating out of his chest

“i’ll pick you up at your dorms at 10, okay?”

god, youve never smiled harder.