#like. these people won't even confirm whether or not we're in the group and Will Not Respond whenever i ask them to confirm our topic

[miodiodavinci]

oughgh

[johns-prince]

I Don't Know (Oh Johnny Johnny)

After listening to this "forgotten" song by John and Paul on repeat, with excruciating scrutiny of trying my darndest to make out the lyrics.

This song is approximately recorded around 1960, could have even been 1959, and I've read it was apparently recorded when the group was going by the Silver Beatles. Also, apparently recorded at Paul's house? I'm not sure.

Whether you think it's just them fooling about, simple improvising and nothing at all, I think if they were going to take the effort to record it, it had to mean something.

Even if some or half of it is "improv," it still sounds like a conversation between the two.

It's not unlike them to use music to communicate and express personal thoughts and feelings, wants. There's also nobody else there... it's just them.

Just a couple of the clearer lyrics from Paul at the start:

"Hey now Johnny Johnny, oh Johnny Johnny, oh Johnny Johnny, oh Johnny Johnny, Oh God, Johnny boy, how are we gonna tell them?"

"Oh Johnny boy you wore me out"

It also sounds in one line Paul is singing, "Well you got me!"

Then John starts up.

And I know some people claim the start for John here is him saying "Well little boy" but I have to say that doesn't match up with what I've heard.

Doesn't sound anything like boy, but it does sound like John is saying, "Oh little darling, packing my shoes.. " can't make the following bit before, "cuz I'm losin' you"

"I'm going to see my sister soon. She don't want to see me I don't know really what I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do."

Now you've got Paul again:

"Well Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, when I call you Johnny, well Johnny Johnny oh Johnny, when I'm calling you..."

"Well I don't know what I'm going to tell them..." okay, these lyrics are really difficult to decipher. Maybe it's just my brains attempt at conjuring coherent words from the incoherent sounds, but, what follows this sounds ALMOST sounds as if Paul is telling him what he'll tell the fellas, about thoughts regarding John (I've still got thoughts of you/I'll still have thoughts of you/or, I'll still vouch for you)

Then the closest thing to ever getting to hear what Paul McCartney sounds like when pleading:

"Please Johnny, please Johnny"

John's response is:

"Well I'll tell the fellas I'm traveling with you"

And funnily enough, it's John saying, "I don't know what I'm gonna to do when I tell my mother we're gonna leave town." Of course if this is recorded in 1958/1960, Julia is no longer around...

Paul reiterates this though, confirming it, "Yeah we're gonna leave town."

Paul continues with this dogged line, I can catch a couple of "we gotta leave, we just gotta leave, we gotta leave right now."

Then—

"Take the next bus out of town, then we won't let nobody down!"

It's a conversation about getting out, breaking out, starting over just the two of them... With some interesting mentions of family and friends finding out, about something, with them, between them? And disappointing everyone, causes family to turn them away.

The reason couldn't have just been that they were wanting to become famous musicians together, right? I don't think that alone could be it considering Mimi nor Jim, or Julia or John's sisters, ever turned them away or shunned them because of this dream they were already chasing by this time.

The song progresses to where it sounds as if John has reservations about leaving, he's not as confident about the plan as originally thought.

Paul keeps singing the "we gotta leave, get outta town." I caught a "don't hold me down."

John starts repeating "I don't know" which results in Paul repeatedly calling out, "Oh Johnny Johnny Johnny oh Johnny Johnny Johnny Johnny..." Again, it's almost like pleading, "How could you not know? We have to go, we have to leave town, you can't tell me “I don't know” now. Don't do this now."

Now, I will say this, the full lyrical interpretations of this song, while I commend others for trying too, hold too many issues for me to agree upon their validity. I don't catch any "I love yous" and the such, but I think what I have caught, and how John and Paul are singing to each other and with each other here, alone, as teenage boys chasing their dream, is enough to convince me still that this song is so intimately about them, their relationship, and what they dreamed of doing together.

Running off, getting out and creating music together. Running away together. The song technically foreshadowing this honeymoon-esque trip of John and Paul doing just that when John turned 21, and with 100 quid took Paul on a trip.

Two teenage boys not knowing what to do, lamenting over something, something getting out to their family that would cause them to be turned away and to cause disappointment. I don't necessarily attribute that to them chasing the dream of becoming famous musicians together, but it could be. It could be many different things. Could just be me overanalyzing...

The end of the song is a lot more scrambled, difficult to make out, but it sounds like both John and Paul are back to both agreeing to the fact they need to get out, leave town, together.

Also imagining the fact they probably looked something close to this while thumping around and singing this song in Paul's house, alone together, gives me feelings.

[anzulvr]

୨୧ On Purpose Karma x (fem) Reader || Chapter: 03 ୨୧

Prev || 03 Café Talks || next

— "Hi, How can we help you today?"

As [Name] and Karma enter the Café, they're greeted by Isogai.  Karma winces as the realization of Isogai working there hits him like a ton of bricks. He can't believe he forgot such an important detail.

It's not Isogai he's worried about, if Karma asked him to, he'd keep things a secret. The problem arises if another one of his classmates are here and it somehow spreads to the main campus or even worse- Korosensei, who is known for getting overly involved in other peoples relationships.

A few tables away Nagisa is attempting to back track, "Are you sure we should be here? Don't you think this is too intrusive even for us..?"

"Nagisa, do you realize how much dirt the sadist has on everyone? This is our chance to get back at him so don't wimp out now."

"I am not wimping out! I think If we asked he'd-"

Rio whisper-shouts "Wait look! They're here!"

Karma scans the area, just in case. He chose the café since it's usually quiet, much like today. The only people here were the usual older ladies doting on Isogai trying to set him up with their grandchildren, and an unusual group of people decked in all black and sunglasses. He thought maybe they were coming back from a funeral.

"[Name], you go get us a table I'll order everything."

Name nods, grateful she doesn't have to carry the pressure of that.

Isogai leads Karma over to the register, thinking now is probably the best shot he has to ask any questions.

"Didn't realize you and [Name] are friends."

"She's the only person I talked to when I was in A class, aside from Nagisa."

"Ah makes sense, should I go ask her what she want's?"

"It's okay, [Name] orders the same thing every time, [favorite food + drink]."

"What about you?"

"Surprise me."

Isogai sweat drops "Are you sure? What if you don't like what I pick?"

"I'm sure, thanks Isogai."

"Anytime, have fun with your date..?"

"You won't tell Korosensei about this right? You know how he gets."

"I won't tell him." Isogai feels guilty, Korosensei would find out about this whether he kept his mouth shut or not.

He was in a tough position, he didn't want to lie to Karma but he didn't want to out four of his classmates and his teacher that would hear anything he whispered.

                                    ༉‧₊˚.

"The pudding is so good!" Kayano exclaimed cheerily.

"We know Kayano, keep it down!" Rio hushed her as she took her sunglasses off.

"I think we should get out of here." Nagisa piped up

Rio laughs "Go ahead, Karma's going to see you walk right out."

After shutting him up she then addresses Korosensei's uninvited presence, "If you're going to be here make yourself useful, put the pen down."

"But this is where my inspiration is most flowing..."

"I can’t see anything from here! We should move closer." suggests Hinano,

"No need for that, our job here is done."

"But we haven't heard anything." Rio questioned

"Did you forget I have an advanced sense of hearing?" Korosensei proudly announces before he continues

"Karma confirmed to Isogai it's a date and asked him not to let me find out moments ago! I don't understand why he wouldn't want me to know but that's not the focus..."

Hinano replies "Makes sense, I wouldn't want you knowing if I were him either."

                                      ༉‧₊˚.

Karma grabbed [Names] phone out of her hand, she gave him a half hearted smile. "Who's more important? Me or your phone."

She laughed as she snatched it back

"Sorry, it's Asano. He's been texting me about an event the student council is working on."

"I didn't hear anything about an event."

"I didn't mention it? I've been so stressed out about it I haven't even had time to complain. It's a tutoring group like we usually have but this time we're planning out the lessons beforehand with actual lecture presentations."

"If it's stressful just let them do everything."

She smiled "No way- Asano is such a control freak I think he'd show up at my door if I ignored the messages!"

[Name] pressed her lips together, she'd been wanting to ask Karma something for while but hadn't found a good moment, she figured now was as good as it could get,

"Are you still planning to stay in End Class? I miss having classes with you."

"I miss that too but I like End class, it's not as bad as everyone makes it sound."

"You have to hike up a hill every morning and get judged every time you walk near the main campus. What makes you want to stay?"

"For one, there's no Asano"

She cracked a smile "Hey! There's also no me."

If he wanted to stay, that was his decision. No matter how many times she told herself this she continued to spiral thinking about how everyone in her life was seemingly growing distant.

The explosion of the moon was a nasty reminder that nothing was here to stay. Everything she had today could be gone by tomorrow.

She didn't have any friends other than Kaho, who's been too busy for her. They haven't hung out alone in weeks because of how caught up Kaho has been in her relationships. If Kaho can grow distant in such a short amount of time whats to say Karma won't.

The more name thinks about it the more her voice grows anxiously.

"You won't consider it? Your grades are perfect, as long as you stop fighting they'll want you back."

"And if I don't feel like going back?"

"This isn't just what you feel, You're one of the smartest students- I don't want to watch your work go down the drain over some stupid fights."

"Stupid? if everyone in the main campus wasn't so stuck up, and the teachers weren't so conniving then there wouldn't be problems."

"Don't be like that, I know you're helping people but what's stopping you from coming back? You don't miss me? Why am I the only one who cares about that?"

Her eyes water, but she keeps  the tears from falling.

"I do care about that, what reason have I given you to believe I don't?”

"You aren't thinking of me. I'm starting to doubt you ever do!"

[Name] doesn't know what she's talking about. Everything he's doing for her. She doesn't know her life is on the line and if he left E-class he'd have no control on the outcome. The words fall out before he can backtrack,

"I'm thinking about your future! I'm trying to make things better for everyone!"

"Staying there has everything to do with everyone but me!"

He bites his tongue. He's going to say too much if he continues.

He cares alot more than she realizes. He feels so desperate to assassinate Koro sensei because if they don't it won't just be him dying, it'll be [Name]- and the rest of the world too.

She scoffed, "You're pushing me away, the same way you did Nagisa."

He opened his mouth to respond, but before he could utter a word, they realized someone was coming towards them.

"Karma, [Name]? Are you guys alright?" It was a familiar voice, concerned and hesitant.

"...sorry were we loud?" [Name's] anger fading into resignation.

Isogai sets their order down on the table,

"No, don't worry!" He smiles reassuringly, [Name] couldn't be sure if he was telling the truth or simply trying to not embarrass her.

"We're fine. [Names] just tired."

Karma takes a sip of the drink isogai picked "Matcha?"

Isogai nods with an awkward smile, he's not sure whether he should ignore the fact they were fighting a second ago or try helping, he decides they can fix it themselves.

"I'll leave you alone then, If you need anything else call me over!"

"Thank you Isogai."

Karma mimics her voice in the most exaggerated way "Thank you Isogaiii, don't leave yet Isogai!"

"I don't sound like that."

"You're right, you were smiling way more."

She scoffs in an attempt to hide her laugh, "You're so petty."

He shrugs, not able to deny it "Wanna try my drink?"

[Name] pulls his cup towards herself "I didn't know you liked Matcha."

"Me neither."

He noticed the confusion in her face as she furrowed her eyebrows but he ignored it wanting to get to the root of her problems before they re-escalated.

"[Name], I'm not replacing you or whatever else you've been telling yourself, but I'm set on staying in E-class."

"I know, but we haven't been seeing each other and you got new friends and it's getting to my head."

"If you want to be in the same class so badly just start failing until they throw you down with me."

[Name] deadpanned, her phone rang for the 5th time since they got there.

"Asano would probably stop annoying you too."

She knew he was kidding, but part of her was considering it.

"He wants me to meet with the rest of the council at the library in half an hour."

"Let's eat quickly then, we'll walk there together."

Twenty minutes later they picked up all their belongings getting ready to leave, when [Name] noticed a green haired girl nearly drooling at the sight of pudding options Isogai brought out from the back, she was hovered over the glass display- Nagisa was pulling her hand trying to get her back to their table.

Name pointed at the interaction "Karma, isn't that Nagisa with a girl over there?"

"Huh? Yeah- that's Kayano..." He trails off when he notices their strange outfit choices and it dawns on him. He looks over at the strange group from earlier and makes eye contact with Korosensei. He decides to hurry her out the door before she can catch wind of anything.

"[Name] let's go, you're going to be late."

"I want to say hi to Nagisa, and since when do you care about being on time?"

Dragging her out the door he says "Since today- let's hurry before Asano calls you again."

[violetrainbow412-blog]

Day 29: corn maze

Masterlist flufftober 🎀

Reblog if you liked it!

“Are you sure we should go this way? That corner over there seems familiar to me”

“For the umpteenth time today, you can't possibly recognize a place because they all look the same. They are cornfields”

“Your response only confirms to me that we are fucking lost.”

In reality, you knew you weren't lost and even if you were, you trusted that your friend would be able to get you out of there. You and Spencer had known each other for practically as long as you could remember and when he told you that he would be in Vegas for a few days you practically begged him to go out with you. You didn't even care where you guys were going, you just wanted to spend time with him and enjoy the fall weather like when you were children.

In the midst of it all Spencer looked at a sign advertising a haunted house and a corn maze on the outskirts of town and he thought about the last time he had gone to either. He talked to you and in the end you decided on the second option, feeling an adventurous spirit that was not very fueled right now.

“We’re not lost. I have an eidetic memory and I know perfectly well that since we arrived, we have made one turn to the right, three to the left, we walked forward along the path on the right side, then we made another turn to the left…”

“Yeah, yeah, I get it,” you whined, smiling slightly at your friend’s jabbering. A couple of people walked past you and waved at you, looking a little more lost than you.

Spencer was wearing a long coat that day, a garment you weren't very used to seeing him in, a themed scarf and a pumpkin-colored hat that you had knit for him a couple of years ago but that he still seemed to appreciate.

“Don't worry, these camps always use a Global Positioning System with satellites to help identify the location of all the people in the camp and are designed so that you can leave halfway if you panic.”

“This reminds me of that novel by King and his son, In the Tall Grass, have you read it?”

"No. Is it good?"

“It's a little scary if you live in the country. Or if you go into a corn maze, like a couple of fools thought of it” you joked and that seemed to amuse your friend, who giggled.

You moved a little closer to him and decided to wrap your hand around his arm, an approach that he gladly received.

“I'm glad we're here, I really wanted to see you.”

“I know, you hardly come to Las Vegas anymore. When was the last time?"

“Eight months and thirteen days”

“Too long,” you said, with a certain melancholy, and Spencer raised his opposite hand to put it on yours, as if he wanted to apologize for having taken so long to return.

“To the left,” he murmured kindly to you, pointing his head in that direction.

“I'm following you without questioning you, you know? If we get lost, I won't even know."

“We arrived at the third checkpoint, right there,” he pointed out, with a proud smile. “Relax, don't you trust me? I am a genius"

“You're a show-off,” you laughed, resting your head on his shoulder for a second and feeling his do the same on the top of your head.

It felt good to be with him like that, like two old friends who know that no matter how much time passes, things won't change at all between them. You didn't know it, but Spencer had been going through a lot these past few months, and being with such a familiar face comforted him immensely, as if he could remember a time in the past that seemed happier and simpler.

“I think it's this way!” you heard next to you. It was a group of teenagers who were pointing down the path to the left at a fork and who seemed quite excited by the discovery they had just made. “We are going to win, it shouldn't be too far away”

“Stop,” Spencer murmured, surprising you and them. “It's not that way. "You must take the other path”

The young people debated for a moment whether they should follow a stranger's advice or their own conclusions and you believed that, in their place, you would have done the same; I mean, a couple of adults advising them is always strange, since they feel like they know everything in the world. Still, you decided to support them a little.

“Listen to him, we haven't gotten lost even once. He's a genius for these things.”

You almost saw Spencer make fun of you when he heard you call him a genius, when just seconds before you were calling him a braggart.

“What if you are lying to us?”

“I'm so sure it's that way that I'll greet you at the exit,” Spencer responded, with a small smile “It's not too far away, but if you want to take that path and it leads you to nothing, you just need to go back to the right one.”

After thinking about it for a while, the group made the best decision and after saying thank you, they began to walk on the side that Spencer had recommended, where you saw them get lost a couple of seconds later.

“Why did you help them?”

"Why don’t do it?" he responded with amusement.

You continued advancing while you held him and when you reached the place that had caused discord, he guided you to the opposite side where the teenagers had gone. Your brow furrowed and you tried to mutter something, but Spencer beat you to it.

“I know this isn’t where we should go,” he pointed out, as if wanting to calm your questions.

"And then?"

“I thought that if we take the right path, we will spend less time together.”

Your heart skipped a little when you heard what he was telling you and you smiled unconsciously, like you always did when you were with him.

You continued to hold his arm carefully and chatted the rest of the way, not even having to worry about where you were going because you knew that in the end he would guide you to the right place.

And you thought, maybe, that was part of the magic of being with Spencer Reid.

taglist: @navs-bhat @reidwritings @tricia-shifting14 @spencerslove @vivian-555 @r-3dlips @rhiannonhippiegirl @taygrls @simp4f1 @sdddoobydoobydoo @taintedstranger @missabsey

[archivalofsins]

Common Amane Innocent talk because no I won't shut up about her and nobody can fucking make me. Look at all the prisoners wielding weapons in the new minigram that they all have access to within the prison!

Scissors something everyone canonically has access to due to Amane's voice drama.

A fucking icepick?!

Why the hell is this here? Oh, the minigrams aren't canon, some will say. They aren't canon to the timeline we're in currently. However, the prisoners are still the prisoners, and they are still in Milgram. Also, Es has confirmed there is a supply closet with an unknown amount of items in it in Amane's second voice drama. All of these are things that would commonly be found in a supply closet or a toolbox that would also commonly be found in a supply closet. Explaining how they managed to fix the sprinklers and make sandbags when the water malfunctioned in that one minigram.

Literally, everyone here, including Shidou, has access to everyday tools that could be used as weapons. Which is fucking wild considering Mu is shown to kill someone with a box cutter that is shown to be a common everyday school supply she carries in her bag. Like everyone is literally screwed this intermission and voting anyone guilty twice in the hopes of getting them restrained could very well lead to that prisoners death.

It's important to think about both Amane and Mikoto's cases seriously.

Restraint doesn't just mean they can not hurt others but that they can not defend themselves as well. Something that is necessary for both of them as they've both had their safety threatened by Kotoko,

20/06/18

Amane: Thank you very much for teaching me. ……but, though I realise it’s strange me saying this after I asked you, I must admit it’s kind of unexpected. You give off the impression of someone who wouldn’t want to get involved in things like this.

Kotoko: ……well, you’re not wrong. I’m surrounded by people who could all be murderers, so I don’t plan on going out of my way to talk and make friends. I can’t let my guard down. But I like ambitious people like you. If you want to study more, then I’m happy to teach.

Amane: I see…… You look scary at first impression, but I quite like the way you treat everyone equally regardless of whether they’re older or younger than you. You don’t just treat me like a child or anything like that.

Kotoko: Treat you like a child? Hah, you’ve got to be kidding. Back when I was your age, I was already the person I am today. I don’t have any plans to let you get away with something just “because you’re a child.” ……remember that. There, I’ve finished marking. 83%. How do I put it… Even though you act like this, it’s not like you’re super brilliant at studying or anything, huh.

22/12/15 (Kotoko’s Birthday)

Mikoto: Ah, Koto-chan. It’s been a while. Both of us have kinda split off from the group, but how’ve things been? A lot’s happened, but fr now let’s try to get along. I mean, it’s your birthday today, right? I got the feeling nobody else was going to do anything, so I came to celebrate.

Kotoko: ……how carefree. It doesn’t matter, a villain like you won’t be forgiven next time either. And when that time comes, it’ll be the end for you. I’ll make sure of it myself.

Mikoto: Ahh?? Just try and do it, you nutjob. I’ll crush anyone who hurts me…… You’re gonna be totally beaten at your own game……!

[TN: The word “me” here uses first person pronoun “boku”.]

Kotoko: Hm. The border between the two is getting a lot vaguer. Your entire existence is a crime. And I will see you’re punished for it. That is what Milgram, and Es, and I have chosen.

X

And, they are surrounded by multiple people who have been implied to have killed individuals their age. From the beginning of Milgram.

From Shidou saying it's fitting that a child would be the one to judge him in his first voice drama, seeing Haruka's statements on not being good with children Amane's age turning into I'm no longer afraid of children along with being visually shown his victim was a little girl. Combined with his statements regarding Amane in his first voice drama, it is implied that his victim was around or Amane's age. Kotoko jumps a guy who doesn't seem much younger or older than Mikoto and is shown attacking people older than herself. Everyone here has killed, and they all have access to weapons.

So, I find it very interesting to see who's treated as a threat and not by the fandom.

[sophieinwonderland]

Imitated DID 2 - Hysterical Boogaloo

We're diving back in from where we left off last time. Now with the "hysterical" group.

There is actually a certain level of logic to part of this.

I don't diagnose people with disorders. But when talking about plurality with questioning systems, I find it much more useful to ask about their internal experiences and hear them described in their own words.

Especially because a lot of medical jargon and even plural community terms kind of suck for describing these type of experiences. If someone isn't describing things in their own words, I can understand feeling like they might be faking. But that doesn't mean they are.

Comorbid Mental Illnesses can affect communication: We have ASD. If you've noticed, we tend to use jargon and big words a lot. I often make up my own jargon too because much of what I see from psychiatry is inadequate. (I could go on long rants about how meaningless the word "dissociation" is.)

The issue is that a lot of people with ASD or other disorders might behave like this. We might use clinical words if we've studied them. I'd like to think We would have the presence of mind to not reply to a psychiatrist asking "what do you mean by amnesia" by explaining whether our amnesia is retrograde or anterograde, but I could easily imagine someone else doing that.

Some people also have personality types where they might be seeking respect, and trying to impress a psychiatrist with their knowledge of academic terms.

Perhaps what appears to not be genuine is just another condition that makes people communicate in ways a neurotypical wouldn't be expected to.

This also goes for other behavior that appears non-genuine. Maybe someone presenting more overt presentation just doesn't have a filter or social awareness.

(Also, amnesia isn't even professional jargon. It's used all the time by lay people.)

Again, most people with DID stated they would miss the voices of their alters: Like I said in the last post, 69% of DID voice hearers said they would miss their alters' voices if they were gone.

The feeling of "I won't let anybody take them away from me!" isn't uncommon. They're in the MAJORITY. Maybe expressing these feelings aloud is uncommon. But that just makes me further suspect influence from comorbid disorders that make it difficult to tell what's socially acceptable.

Another possibility is someone mentions their full trauma history and talks about their conditions as a test of sorts. They've learned to expect rejection, and want to be upfront about everything so that if they scare someone away, it will be right at the beginning of the relationship.

It's so important to account for different behaviors in different people, and different illnesses and conditions that can influence those behaviors.

WHAT?!

She couldn't handle Lucille, who always got her own way. Lucille is convinced that her mother physically and sexually abused her.

There are many ways to write this that wouldn't involve portraying the mother as a victim of a little girl.

It's stated as an objective fact that Lucille's mother "couldn't handle Lucille," suggesting Lucille was always the problem. Meanwhile, "Lucille is convinced" her mother abused her. It's not even neutral language, like she "reported" or "described" it. She's "convinced."

I'm absolutely appalled.

Also, it feels a little gross for the doctors to describe their patient as "attractive" and with a "seductive presentation." I'm not the only one feeling that, right?

So she essentially did report amnesia. It just sounds like she didn't understand what amnesia was or was in denial, and clinicians should have questioned further.

Surely, if she were trying to manipulate the clinicians, she'd have claimed to amnesia, right? Since amnesia is part of the criteria?

Like with the "borderline" group from before, she had DPDR.

So she recognized similarity in her own experiences with DID systems AND an independent clinician confirmed her DID.

But this is what they're using as evidence against her. That she heard about it first and then identified with it. But that's often how people learn about their disorders. Sure, sometimes it can be wrong. But it shouldn't be treated as evidence against somebody as it is here.

Quick reminder that she started to hurt herself in group treatment.

Why would you suggest she go without therapy? Supposedly it worked out if we trust the clinicians' report. But I'm not so certain I do. I doubt they'd say "we told her to take a hike and then she was worse off than when we left her."

Now, the actual section focused on Lucille isn't the last time we'll hear about her, so let's skip ahead a bit.

This adds a bit more context to the earlier wording of her being "convinced" her mother abused her.

But the implications are a bit more terrifying to me. What was left out of this case study?

Lucille comes in experiencing chronic symptoms of DP/DR. She believes her mother abused her. The clinicians here seem to take the side of the mother in a peculiar way, describing Lucille's mother as "being unable to handle" the little girl.

After leaving therapy and coming back for a follow up, Lucille is saying, uncertainly, that the abuse she endured might not have happened.

Did the clinicians, as authority figures, also try to convince Lucille that her memories of abuse were false?

This feels extremely gaslighty to me.

This is actually a good practice. And is a huge problem I have with the anti-endo ideology is that it often encourages people to look for trauma to confirm systemhood. If you tell someone who is a system they need trauma to be a system, there is a real concern of them trying to fit themselves into that box.

But is the implication that Lucille fabricated her trauma after seeking treatment for DID, and never believed it prior? If so, that feels like an incredibly relevant detail to omit from your case study.

So their opinion, ultimately, is that these cases of "imitated DID" are fabricating trauma memories.

Essentially, this paper is advocating for False Memory Syndrome.

And worse, they admit there's no way to reliably assess suggestibility in these patients, since the authors claim the suggestibility is selective and the scale useless.

It comes down to the individual clinicians with their individual biases to determine who is or isn't an actual trauma survivor.

What is all of this REALLY about?

Now we get to the real point

While other parts of the paper pay lip service to helping patients, a large amount of it is focused on addressing malpractice complaints.

Here is some interesting wording. Shouldn't the interests of the patients be the priority of therapy?

I understand the intent behind this. But the wording presents an adversarial relationship between clinicians and hostile patients where clinicians are meant to act as judges and authority figures, and acting in the interests of the patients is "collusion."

Ideally, even if a patient were faking DID, giving them a more correct diagnosis would still be working in the best interests of the patients, right? At no point should acting in the patient's interest be presented as a bad thing as it is here.

Patients suing therapists over believed-malpractice are presented as seeking "attention and gratification."

I'd agree that it would be interesting to know what groups the suing patients fall into. But there would need to be a better way to make such an assessment.

Because if you're going to have cases like Sandra's, mentioned in the last post, where clinicians are forming biases based on her life history of self-medication with drugs and having an older boyfriend before they even observe her, this method isn't effective.

What would be really interesting to me is, if Sandra or Lucille had gone to another clinic, would the other clinics have judged their DID as being imitated? Or is this solely a result of the biases of these clinicians?

In contrast, would those clinics have judged other patients that this clinic said had "genuine" DID of having imitated DID.

Is there even the slightest bit of credence to this concept? Can it be consistently applied or is this just the opinions of one clinic being treated as gospel?

The goal of the whole paper is pushing False Memory Syndrome in a way that pushes responsibility from clinicians onto patients.

Over 20 years later, and this hypothesis is still groundless. Not just the hypothesis that those responsible for lawsuits are imitated DID cases, but even that second opinions could confirm their own case studies as being imitated DID.

This paper that started the "imitated DID" myth, the paper that led to the controversial McLean video, is based on nothing.

It was motivated not with the goal of helping patients with DID nor helping the patients they accuse of imitating DID, but by the self-interest of clinicians trying to protect themselves from malpractice complaints of patients they treat as hostile and adversarial.

[angelofthepage]

Hey gang, let's talk about Bendy: The Cage. Last night we got a new screenshot from theMeatly's Twitter page involving an eyeball, pointy teeth, and a lot of red, something monstrous. And the first exposure I had to it was numerous Discord servers posting it in channels that were either likely to be unmuted because they contain important updates about said servers, or with an at everyone so everyone would be notified and have to click on the channel to clear the message. And it was all in spaces that normally haven't done this for new screenshots or releases, which was very odd. I had no choice but to look at it because it was shoved directly in my face, uncensored, no content warnings, nada. If it hadn't happened MULTIPLE times (on more than just Discord in the end), maybe I would leave it at addressing it in just those spaces, but the frequency and variety of places where it happened makes me feel like this is something we're not on the same page about. I think there's a conversation that needs to happen about The Cage and what this is going to mean for the future of interacting in this fandom. There are some things with both the contents of The Cage and the way we choose to engage with it that I feel we would benefit from talking about.

This screenshot itself isn't particularly bad, I won't lie, at the very least it doesn't squick me out all that much, but it's creeping up on something that I foresee being a problem. When we talk about indie mascot horror games, one of the unintended consequences is that because the cute mascots have such a charming appeal, they attract a wide variety of people. Some of those people are kids (many of which have parents that aren't teaching them internet safety or looking at what they watch, even though the original Bendy is rated T for Teens, so they shouldn't be looking at it in the first place). And some of those people are people across all age ranges that have their sensitivities, phobias, legitimate triggers, and squicks, and this group is the one I'm the most focused on today. One of the things that's special about this genre is that a lot of people can exist in it because it's usually a little less intense in terms of horror media out there (at least in terms of visuals/what is shown on screen), but that also comes with a variety of consequences. With The Cage making a shift into being a more mature story, with confirmed blood, body horror, dark themes, etc, that means that part of Bendy's existing audience is not going to be able to partake in this adventure, just per the nature of it containing things they can't handle. And that's not a bad thing, there is no shame in that. We cannot help our brains, not every experience or game is going to work for every person. Nor are the devs required to make every entry the same as the last, if they want to experiment with new things, they have every right to. But when you make a shift like this, it means the content warnings have to change and adapt, and how you conduct yourself online now has a lot more questions you might wanna ask yourself.

What is safe and fun and enjoyable for one Bendy fan is not going to be that for every Bendy fan, and if we don't make an adjustment to how we tag and share this stuff, it's going to further alienate people, to the point where you will see people leave the fandom altogether even if they still like the old but not the new. That's why we tag stuff with things like gore, blood, body horror, etc, that's why we use the sensitive content filter on Twitter. That's why we have words you can mute or censor here on Tumblr, and even on Instagram and Tiktok to a certain extent. By giving people a tag that's a content/spoiler warning, you give them a choice about whether or not they look at that content so they can self curate and protect themselves. Because the last thing you want is to send someone into a panic attack or spiral if it could have been avoided. If someone can't trust you to be thoughtful about how you post when you are posting legitimately horrifying stuff, the end result is you will be unfollowed/blocked, your servers will become a lot more empty, and your fandom space will grow a lot quieter, as it has become an actively hostile place. You can make the choice to not tag that sort of thing, if you're okay with acknowledging that people can't partake in your page, but it's responsible to give them a heads up somewhere, somehow, that you don't use those tags, so they can just unfollow you from the start and avoid the hassle, part on good terms at least. Again, being considerate goes a long way. Managing expectations is just as important of a skill as self curating. That said, tagging to be sensitive of others also comes with the plus side of essentially advertising to people that like that stuff. It will give them a sign that you are sharing things they enjoy, because they likely follow those tags, so they will find you, and you can have new and fun interactions over a shared interest. And that is very worthwhile.

Part of me is worried about what The Cage is going to look like in a broader sense. Just how "mature" is it really going to be? And is that going to have consequences in more than just the fandom? Take a look at YouTube, the platform that was crucial for Bendy's success in the first place ala let's plays and reaction videos putting it on the map. Look at how their algorithms have affected other titles in the horror genre that are openly gorey, bloody, brutal, or disturbing. Heck, look outside of the horror genre at games that are just plain violent. A lot of those videos don't survive. There's demonetization, age restrictions, there's messiness with the system, and a lot of people who try to cover those games will stop because of how hard it affects their channels. I'm concerned for the future of Bendy. I'm surprised that the filters let stuff like the ending of BATDR through, given we push Wilson into a grinder and have Audrey brutally get her legs chomped off. (Frankly I'm also surprised the "insanity ending" made it through, though that's not bloody, it was certainly uncomfortable to watch and was not the greatest example of how to execute a psychiatric ward in a horror game. Which is a whole tangential topic for another day.) But now that we're doing something as small as introducing the color red into the mix? It may not be as forgiving. We may see people unable/unwilling to cover Bendy content because of how dark and unfriendly it's getting for YouTube's system. SuperHorrorBro has a great video that goes over it from about a year ago, I'm gonna link it here. Highly recommend giving that a watch. Bendy can get away with a lot because it's in sepia. When all your blood is ink, somehow it doesn't seem as brutal, even though we have characters getting impaled, decapitated, etc. But that's not the case anymore, there is confirmed blood and red in the palette. It's not the same flavor of horror as it once was.

There's a lot running through my mind as we approach the future of this series. I don't want to police anyone's behavior or how they should do things, that's not my place nor my intention. At the end of the day, everything I've said here is more to make you aware so you think about how you want to handle this shift, rather than explicitly telling you what to do about it. Equip you with information and stuff to consider when making those choices. Would I prefer it if we all were thoughtful about the tagging system? Yes, absolutely. I could stand to be better about it too, and I'm going to make an effort to be more thoughtful about how I post and engage with social media regarding topics like this. I would greatly appreciate having an open dialogue about it so we can figure out which tags work best for our fandom space. But do I expect us all to use it the same way? No, not in the slightest. The fact that I am still required to go on a social media hiatus whenever new Bendy media comes out is telling enough, I don't trust this fandom not to spoil things. I'll acknowledge it's gotten a lot better than it used to be, but when I'm still hearing stories about how people tried to enjoy BATDR blind and got spoiled on MAJOR PLOT POINTS in the first WEEK of release, nay, the first DAY, despite blocking and muting every tag and word possible to avoid stuff, it's not good. So how can I trust fans to take care with this larger, more serious thing, when we haven't gotten to that point with spoiler tagging? It makes me upset. I'm not upset that I have to self curate, that's essential on the internet no matter your space. Can't control anyone but yourself in life. I'm upset that people are inconsiderate and don't think about the consequences of their actions.

I don't talk about this often, but I'm not a traditional horror fan. Bendy is my weird exception. For most of my life I've been scared of the Tower of Terror at Disney, and that's freaking TAME. This last time I went, I tried to conquer my fear and go on it, and I only got through it because I was actively looking away and covering my ears during the story, and holding my brother in law's hand. Is it really scary, or am I just struggling with the childhood trauma of having gone on the ride the same day there was a thunderstorm? I don't know. But then I'll be fine watching something like the FNAF movie, which I'll be real, I didn't find scary in the slightest. So why am I into Bendy if horror isn't usually my vibe? Because Bendy is more than its horror. It's got a really cool art style that sucked me in. It's got a story about humanity and hope that was just the right amount of darkness when I needed it. You know that comic that makes the rounds about the story blimps that pull you out of dark places? That's Bendy for me. It's not the story I expected to get into, but it's the story I needed when it happened, and I've continued to stick with it because it's kept giving me that. The last book? That's the story I needed, absolutely. And in a strange twist, I've found myself seeking out more of the less intense horror stuff, this genre is something I've started to really enjoy. The darkness can be kind of fun. But The Cage may be going somewhere I cannot go. I hope not, but I recognize it's a very real possibility, for myself and for many fans. It's fine if it's not the same as what we love about Bendy in years past. It's not required to be the same as other Bendy entries to be valid or valuable as a game/story. Heck, I don't want it to be exactly the same, that gets stale, let there be new and interesting innovations in the series. Let it tell new stories. But it does make me wonder if what I value about Bendy is the same as what the devs value in this series.

And that's something I want to revisit in the future. Full disclosure, I've been trying to write a comprehensive post about my thoughts on the Bendy movie that's been announced for WEEKS since the announcement. Seeing as theMeatly very directly asked for feedback, I do have feedback I'd like to give. But figuring out how to give it thoughtfully has been tough. 'Cause like, the people who work on this thing are people, humans, who have feelings, and if I'm really going to put my thoughts out there, regardless of what they are, I want to do it in a way that's kind. Like, if I'm gonna take the time to be constructive in my criticism, I want it to be worded well. And then Tumblr screwed me over by posting it before I was ready, even though I clearly hit save and not post. So I deleted it in a panic, because it wasn't ready to be seen, and haven't found the energy to talk about it since. But I've had a lot of complicated feelings about the direction Bendy is taking right now. The short of it is that it's gotten away from what I think are the most important things about Bendy, which to be clear, doesn't make it bad. But it does leave me with questions, about Bendy and about storytelling as a whole. And if you know me, you know I occasionally enjoy diving into questions to really ponder the possibilities. I'm curious as to what it is that appeals about this story to the wider fandom, versus what about it is valuable to me. Maybe I'm the outlier here, who knows? I want to really think about that, what it is that makes Bendy special, what it is that draws us to this story, and what people have gotten out of it. Because I think that's a valuable discussion to have. Perhaps that's something I ought to open the floor to you for. But not right this moment, I need more time.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. Thank you for taking a moment to think about what I had to say. I know it's long, I know it's a lot, and I wouldn't say it if I didn't think it was valuable to talk about. At the end of the day, I just want this fandom to be a kind and friendly place to be. I hope that's what gets across.

[soda-boots]

Affirmations

I feel like writing, but I can't think of anything to write about (at least well) except about Ellis.

What do I say actually? I think I really do like him, maybe that's why I'm so anxious now. I was overthinking drinking water in his room. I seemingly forgot how to drink water silently. Every gulp of water felt louder and heavier than the last one. I've never been more self-conscious about a basic task like that before. Am I circling back to my reservations with being perceived. Which still makes no sense to me, I don't necessarily try to blend in (ever) or be silenced (except at the music show where I seldomly interject but that's mostly because I enjoy to watch the interactions).

Is it strange that I just want to touch him ? On the rare occasion, where our arms have brushed it felt exhilarating. On the flip side, I don't often enjoy touch half the time , so that's a weird dichotomy...

I wonder if I say enough or not. Am I giving 'more than friends' vibes ? How do I even do that? I have no idea to even go about that or convey those feelings, and gauge whether I'm doing it effectively or not. I like it when I'm near him, even when we don't say anything. However, does everyone feel that way ? I don't want things to become awkward.

Throughout the two films, I yearned for his comments (just so I could hear his voice). I adore the sound of his voice; I think that's a psychological thing, obviously. I giggle when I imagine him laughing like Prince William. Eww a giggle though (be embarrassed, I concurrently am and am not). When I see him everyone else blurs away into a haze of human-shaped off-focus individuals. How am I meant to notice anyone else when you're there. Sitting next to him, I just noticed the light hairs on his arm; the waistband of his underwear, but strangely I can't remember the colour of his eyes. I never can seem to, how bizarre ? Especially considering how I insist on keeping eye contact with people while they speak to me. There might be some form of disassociation happening somewhere or I just blanket interpret everyone's eyes as brown after I meet them.

I am very tired now, so good night.

Edit :

The title is in reference to Hannah Diamond's song from her new album, Perfect Picture

I am building my own world

I am a business women and my own CEO

I will always be enough

I mean a lot to all my fiends and I will never give up

I'm the girl who gives her time and energy

The girl who's anything she wants to be

I can be a better me

These are the affirmations from the song, which Hannah chants to 'keep repeating'. I don't really do affirmations except for specific moments where I need a confidence boost. I guess I enjoy the declaration of the inverse of an anxiety. Affirming it's not true (or should I say confirming the opposite is true to be more positive) provides some reassurance. However, if it stems from place of insecurity (don't you already believe that insecurity to be true to have to deny?) is an affirmation just a coping mechanism ?

I've been thinking lately about how I struggle to actually say why I like people. Intrinsically I must know, right?

I've still yet to meet all my flatmates. We're three weeks in now, that's so odd. I'm definitely comparing my interactions with them to my flatmates from last year, but we're so not a 'group'. Sure, last year my flatmates weren't a friend group but I still spoke to them and we hung out one on one. Thinking about it, I have a distinct memories of hanging out individually (or in a trio) with each of them: press with Avisha, Elvis with yasmin, caving with Saskia, talks with Zara, pizza with Hannah and yasmin, watching some of thoroughbreds (with Dan (who actually didn't live with us) with Francis being there for a while). It's weirdly isolating not even being barely friends with any of them (yet). I guess I'm only three weeks in and I am barely in my flat during the week, so I won't deep it too much.

[cauldron-be-damned]

Bro like STOP trying to tell me that gw*n and azriel look good together or that their vibes mesh. They DON'T. Every fanart I see of them looks wrong. It's all very contrived. Their personalities don't mesh either. You KNOW he's an introvert, he's not just quiet and aloof bc of trauma or whatever. Introverts get their energy from spending time alone and having quiet time to recharge. He likes the quiet and his shadows are there to keep him company in the quiet, right? (Az and his shadows are definitely endgame.)

I can say that as a very strong fellow introvert, I'm not super comfortable in a group of lots of people either. Even people that I know well! Especially not being in a room with the rest of the IC, who are rowdy AF and have no trouble filling the silence without Az needing to weigh in. He clearly prefers to be one-on-one. You get a LOT more of his personality in ACOWAR (Feyre's POV), ACOFAS (Rhys's POV), and ACOSF (Cass's POV) when you're seeing him one-on-one with each of them. And he certainly has a personality and a sense of humor, it's just subtle and dry.

This is nothing against extroverts of course, but I think gw*n is an extrovert. Now it's hard to say bc she's only made an appearance in ACOSF and we've had way more books to get to know Az (not to mention we've encountered Elain and her also-subtle, quiet presence in literally all the books so far). But her vibe is much more forward and assertive and social-butterfly, at least to me. She seems to be more extroverted and outgoing. At a party she's not gonna sit in a corner bathed in shadows. I really do like her character, especially as a friend to Nesta. She seems like a very loyal person and she's funny and determined. And it's not that Az isn't exciting. But I feel like she'd be better suited to someone who could party with her, who would challenge her, who makes friends everywhere they go, like her. She seems like the life of a party, honestly. And that's great. But as someone who relates more to Az and honestly Elain more than any other character, Gw*n would not be my go-to romantic choice (not bc she's a female, I'm bi and fiery redheads are HOT.) Why? Because long-term, I would someone who can be my quiet companion. I just don't see that in her. An awesome friend to hang out with, someone who won't let you pull punches? Sure.

There is something to be said for a companionate love where you and the other person can sit in complete silence doing nothing or doing your own thing and enjoy the shit out of it. That's what it's like being an introvert married to another introvert. I personally love that my husband and I can feel like we're spending quality time together while not actively filling the silence or socializing. We also don't feel the need to be around other people all the time.

I'm basically making a case for Elriel here because just look at Elain!! A kindred spirit! She loves her quiet afternoons in the sunny garden just doing her own thing. Yall see how Az went out there to sit with her while she was doing that? Do ya think there was a ton of convo going on? Does he know shit about gardening? Most likely not. But he was SUNNING HIS WINGS. Illyrians are taught to protect their wings at all costs, and they only open them up when not flying if they're comfortable around the person they're with (and/or if they are peacocking, which you know he absolutely was.)

And who was the first person to offer to take her out to the garden in the first place?? 👀

This isn't even a question of whether Az likes Elain. It's been very clearly confirmed in the bonus chapter and by LITERALLY EVERY INTERACTION BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM. The question I guess is who is endgame for Az...

In a companionate love there is still passion. But when you're an introvert you need a lover AND a friend who can sit in silence with you and not make you feel like you have to do any emotional work. You need someone who wants to leave the party early with you so you can go home and snuggle on the couch and watch your couple-show. And then have some great sex afterward!

Maybe I'm missing something that gw*nriels are seeing, but I feel like they are blatantly ignoring all the things SJM has been very obviously trying to tell us about elriel. I don't understand the connection. Don't even get me started on how beautiful Elriel's whole "light meets the darkness" aesthetic is.

ALSO sjm loves the light-meets-dark thing. Remember in chapter 56 of ACOMAF when Feyre was glowing and Rhys went all king-of-darkness and the 2 blended together? It's yin and yang, people.

[yazthebookish]

I did not want to address this but I will because at this stage this is getting ridiculous

Steph asked the most common questions floating around and if you saw the most liked questions posted on public it was Gwynriel questions (which Sarah can't answer or confirm them as a couple), about the ACOTAR show and about Lucien.

Those were questions people wanted to know.

And I don't blame our side of the fandom for asking more about Gwyn in specific because we are constantly shat on by one group. Last live Gwyn wasn't mentioned at all yet there was a question about Elain's love interest and no one threw a fit.

We finally had the answer to Gwyn's age because some of you were pushing the theory that Gwyn is a minor hence labeling us all p*dos indirectly which is not only idiotic but harmful.

The majority of you probably wanted a confirmation for the couple you wanted yet you knew SJM isn't confirming anything about the next book.

Steph obviously tried to focus more on CC2 questions and Sarah took more time answering those questions because CC2 happens to be her next release.

Now that we're happy we got some answers about our beloved characters that is also something you probably want to know about Azriel (if you see Azriel as his own character as well outside a ship) we already know he sings in his POV so it wasn't new information and Sarah avoided answering the shadows question because the Shadows also happen to be a hot topic in the fandom on both sides and most likely one of the popular questions and Sarah avoided answering it. There was a question on the Valkyries and what their bracelets represent (Nesta, Emerie, Gwyn). There was a question on Lucien because Lucien fans want to know whether they'll get their sassy Fox boy back. She answered a question about if they started the casting process yet for the show.

Steph is doing us a courtesy by having these lives or else we wouldn't see much of SJM on screen. She is not a professional interviewer, this is not a formal interview, this is basically two friends having a good chat. Everytime they go live yes we expect a lot off off topic conversations to happen because this is not scripted, it's not a book tour or something, it's just a chill live. This is why there are more general non-Bookish questions, they're doing this for fun. The reason the live chats are off in the first place because some people in this fandom (I'm speaking in general) were disrespectful to Josh and so thank you for ruining it for everyone.

If the live was mostly about Azriel and Elain questions don't tell me you won't harass other fans about it, you do it regularly and you'll do it even worse whenever a question about Azriel and Elain is answered even if it wasn't about a ship you'll make it all about them.

You've constantly ridiculed us by saying we're delusional for supporting what you call a “crackship”, you came up with the nickname Gleeriels because both Gwyn and Azriel sing (which doesn't even bother me but shows to what extent you like to ridicule others), you constantly make fun or throw insults at Gwynriel which I've seen before and I hear is a daily occurrence.

But you cannot even fathom to let those fans enjoy whatever crumbs they get even though you were hoping to get the same? Didn't some of you went ahead and yelled Elriel Endgame as soon as she answered the snowball fight question? Yeah.. imagine if the rest of the questions were about Elain (even if it had nothing to do with Azriel but you can't see her outside that ship) that would've been a fucking nightmare.

If you were more inclined to stick to your own lane then people would be less hostile towards you but you've been doing a great job at making this fandom a toxic place and wonder why it backfires at you.

[bookwyrminspiration]

How the hell do timezones work in the lost cities- like. They all live on completely different parts of the world, it could be midnight where one person lives and 11 am for another, how in the world would that work with anything at all? Like- rest in peace to all the kids that go to foxfire at 3 am i guess- how would they even decide when foxfire opens with that? How would they schedule meetings?? Do they all have a specific time they all run on and their little force fields mirror that, or do sleep schedules not exist at all. Time? Never heard of it. And if the "same time" theory is right, how did they decide the time. Like? I have so many questions about it. This has been bugging me for weeks.

oof sorry it took me a moment to answer this ask! for some reason it only shows up on mobile so I missed it for a while, but now I've got it!!

as for how they work, that is a question many in the fandom have asked over the years! my best answer? I think all of the Lost Cities are using the same time zone, regardless of where they live in the world. Doesn't matter if it's the middle of the night, it's elf time. It seems to be something Shannon is ignoring for the sake of convenience for the story, which is fine! Sometimes you gotta ignore the logistics of things because other stuff takes priority

The few mentions we do have of time are in Everblaze and Legacy, at least of the ones I can remember off the top of my head. I won't use an exact quote, but when the scrolls are delivered about who the new councillor will be (Alina), Grady says they have to wait 23 minutes so everyone can open their scrolls at the same time. This doesn't necessarily mean everyone is in the same time zone, but it does imply that everyone is coordinated time-wise.

This one's more important, and its on pg 568 of Legacy: "The time on Big Ben said 11:11 p.m., which probably meant that London was somehow on the same time zone as the Lost Cities." Here we see that the Lost Cities, the entire elven world, are apparently using the same time zone. So all elves apparently follow the same time as London. So this does, as far as I can tell, confirm the same time theory. Which I think the elves didn't decide on, but Shannon did because it's convenient for writing purposes.

But if we're looking at it outside of Shannon then my guess is that timezone for the elves are correlated to daylight of the major cities, like Eternalia. They all follow the schedule of Eternalia or something because it's a concentrated group of people and also an important city, and everything related to time is structured around that. Foxfire is kinda close to Eternalia, so it's also operating during daylight hours and following Eternalia Elf Time. It's when we get to the individuals that it all kinda falls apart.

With everyone in completely different parts of the world, there's no way for them to all be experiencing daylight during the same times, so I'm assuming that's like...an acknowledged factor of building a house? Like when an elf chooses the location they do so knowing whether or not their daylight hours align with the rest of the worlds, and then they live with the consequences of it by choice.

Although another question here is: how often does being on the same schedule matter? They don't seem to have set work hours, so they could just do things when they have daylight--could even be a benefit because work can be done 24/7 with people around the world. So while the question of timezone is interesting, I don't think it matters as much to the elven world as it does to the human world. It would only really be a problem when everyone needs to convene, like with the new councillor announcement, but like I said that could be a chosen downside of choosing your house location.

This doesn't apply to foxfire, however, as that definitely has specific start and stop times with attendance taken. So it seems some kids would have very different morning experiences, but also by physically going to foxfire when it's daytime they're still experiencing the daylight? And it's just when they're at their own home that it's not synced, if that makes sense. Like they may be waking up in pitch black, but if that's their routine then that's their 8am or something, it wouldn't be like they're waking up at 3am because their schedule would be accustomed to that.

As fascinating as that all is to theorize about though, I do think it's done for convenience on Shannon's behalf. Keeping track of times of day in multiple locations all over the world is very annoying, so she just writes it as Sophie experiencing the day when she does things and night when the day is over. And her friends all operate on the same schedule because then it's easier to write them together because they're all on the same page.

There really is no explanation that will fully encompass and explain anything, because it contradicts itself! Havenfield and Everglen are on opposite sides of the U.S. yet somehow experience sunset at the same time (Exile), which is just not how time works at all.

I wouldn't worry to hard about trying to make it make sense because time in this series truly doesn't. like it literally contradicts nature. and that's because there's a lot of other things going on that take precedence!!

[prompt-master]

The student slams their hands down on her podium.

"I'm telling you, they didn't eat that fucking grilled cheese willingly!" She shouts. "Prom hates mayonnaise!! I know that for a fact!!"

A collective groan sounds through the trial room. This discussion has gone on for far too long. People are starting to get tired. Suspicious even. The student won't let it go, and though there's no way to really prove them wrong, everyone just wants her to shut up about it. You can't just ask a dead body about their condiment preferences. The whole conversation seems completely pointless.

Even Monokuma looks bored. You can't help but relate to him a little, ignoring how much that thought disgusts you. The trial had been really, really uneventful. Accusations without evidence thrown about like confetti, trains of thought that end up shoved off the rails before they can even leave the station, leads that go nowhere, pointless arguments over the most trivial of topics, and throughout the whole nine hours of debate, that robotic bear grew more and more restless, even calling recesses for us to investigate more.

Even the detective is starting to get irritated. They didn't find anything condemning on the body, and even after interrogating the other students, nothing shocking or revealing came up.

You didn't find anything good either. In fact, you haven't spoken for most of the trial. There was just nothing to say that hadn't already been said.

The victim got up sometime before the nighttime announcement, after the group agreed to tuck in early. Monokuma, bored with how little progress we were making, confirmed the fact that the victim had planned to grab a snack before heading back to their room, before the doors to the dining hall were locked.

Obviously, they didn't make it.

One student kept saying the toxic grilled cheese had been force-fed to them. They kept saying the victim would never eat mayonnaise willingly, and since that was the main source of poison (It was also, like, everywhere. If the victim hated it, they wouldn't have put so much on), it made her statement kind of difficult to believe.

There was one thing that kind of supported her theory. The tainted jar in question had no label, nor did it have a prominent scent. It was only identified as mayonnaise by one of the other students who had a very well-developed sense of smell, and was able to get past the sweet maple-syrup scent of the antifreeze. It was possible the victim mistook the mayonnaise for something else, but even then, it would be unlikely. Mayonnaise has a very distinct taste, even with heaps of poison added, so if they really hated it they would have spat it out immediately. Only a tired idiot would keep eating something they despised of their own free will.

Monokuma let out a very dramatic sigh.

"You know, I'm getting reeeal tired of this. If you kiddies don't find anything interesting soon, I might just execute one of you as compensation." He growled in that annoying voice of his. "This trial is taking wayy too long!"

Those words got us on edge. Some of the others started accusing the student while she went on about her theory. One student yelled at Monokuma for being unfair. You and the detective shared a look. This wasn't good.

One student, who'd been quiet the whole time, suddenly cleared their throat.

"I may be going out on a limb here, but...." They waited for the others to calm down before continuing. "Do you think the victim ate the mayonnaise without knowing it was mayonnaise? Antifreeze has a very sweet taste and smell. They could have mistook it for something else."

"And you are..?" You ask.

"Ultimate Auto Racer." They reply. "I work with antifreeze. I don't know about arsenic, but I do know you can easily eat antifreeze without knowing it's toxic."

The detective crosses their arms in thought. Monokuma perks up and leans out of his slumped position, almost as if electrified.

"Even so, why would they put something sweet on a grilled cheese? That's kind of an acquired taste." You say. "If we're going off the assumption they don't like mayonnaise."

Everyone is thinking now. The accusations aren't thrown around anymore. The whole trial room is quiet.

"Maybe...maybe they're right." One student pipes up quietly. "Maybe Prom thought it was something else. Maybe they didn't taste it before they put it on the sandwich."

They looked around the room timidly, shrinking under everyone else's gaze. They obviously didn't like attention.

"I-I mean, what if they thought it was butter? L-Like the jar wasn't that big, and mayo k-kind of looks like butter spread...." The student shoved out quickly. "With no label they wouldn't know, right..?"

"That's.... actually a valid point." The detective says approvingly. The student offers a small smile in response, but doesn't say anything else. Speaking up must not be their strong suit.

"It was late, right?" Another student cuts in. "We were all tired. The last execution left us all drained, since it kind of.....went wrong near the end. The victim could have been super out of it and wanted food to keep the off their mind."

"Like stress eating, but to cope with something? I do that myself, so it's not unbelievable. The victim could be like that, for all we know." Yet another adds.

"What if it wasn't intended for Prom? Like, someone else here probably really likes mayo, maybe they messed with it in hopes of killing them instead!"

"You saying the victim was a tired idiot then?"

"Do you know them enough to say otherwise?"

"Gad, this whole trial is confusing... We don't even know the victim that well, how are supposed to their killer? There's no drama to work with!"

"Maybe they grabbed the mayo thinking it was butter." The detective mused. "And when they tasted it, it probably didn't taste too much like mayo, with all that antifreeze added to it. Maybe they were too tired to remake it. The victim was on a time limit after all."

You furrow your brow in thought. The others a kind of making sense, but it's not much to go off of. You still don't know who poisoned the mayonnaise in the first place.

"Let's say that did happen. We still don't know who poisoned it." A new speaker scoffs, practically reading your thoughts exactly. "All this talk won't get us anywhere if we don't have a real suspect."

The miniscule amount of energy in the room dissolved. They were right, everyone knew it, but it'd been nice to think we were going somewhere.

The quiet student from before clears their throat. Anyone who isn't talking or spouting theories turns to look at them again.

"If, um, it's any consolation, I just remembered something...."

The detective holds up a hand to shut up the person next to them. You do the same. Eventually the trial room calms down enough for the student to talk. Monokuma giggles.

They take a deep breath, like whatever's on their mind is really hard to say. "I....I did see someone mucking around in the storage closet."

A truly riveting murder trial and I hope after playing it people discourse about my character simply because they hated it and people argue over whether or not i was a good person and the answer to that question is a mysterious wink

[ticklikeabomb]

The Language of Limbo - Part 2

Pairing : Chris Evans x Plus Size Reader ; Marvel Cast x Plus Size Reader

Warnings : Language

Word Count : 2.3k

You've been preparing yourself for the past two months, each day getting more and more at ease with the movements of your fighting scenes. One of the highlights of one of your rehearsal session was the day where you met Evans for the first time.

You were currently finishing up the first half of the session and Mason granted you a break. You sat down, took a gulp of your water and noticed your shoelaces untied. You leaned down and were in the middle of tying them when a deep but calm voice spoke up beside you. "Hi there." You looked up and felt your heart beat faster than ever, due the fact that your celebrity crush stood in front of you. "Hein?", you breathed out, mesmerized by his handsome face and blue eyes. He chuckled and you looked elsewhere, your face flushed in embarrassment. You stood up and finally replied back with a shy smile, "Hi". "It was some cool moves you did back there", he commented.

"Thank you but the credit really goes to Mason, he's the real pro here", you chuckled and pointed towards your coach. "Perhaps but you did good, you deserve some credit too", he told you and slightly pumped his right shoulder against yours, which surprised you. A wide smile appeared on your face and thanked him again. "Are you casually training here or …", he asked intrigued. "I'm actually Marvel's new…", you started but then realized your mistake. "Oh shit", you covered your mouth. His eyes widened and his mouth opened in a 'oh' motion. "You're Y/C/N, aren't you?" You switched from leg to leg, uncomfortably for spoiling your arrival into the production. "Nope, don't know what you're talking about", you faked, heat invading your whole body. He laughed loudly before comforting you, "Hey don't worry I won't tell anybody. Your secret is safe with me."

"Oh God, I'm fucking it up already", you chuckled nervously. He laughed again but eventually calmed down. "Well nice to meet you. I'm Chris but something tells me you know that already", he whispered with a smug smile. You nodded and replied, "Yeah, nice to meet you too. I'm Y/N." He was called from the other end of the room and turned back at you to tell you goodbye. "I guess we'll see each other soon Y/N", winked and jogged towards his own coach. You face-palmed and cursed yourself for ruining your contract's confidentiality closure. "Y/N, are you ready?", asked Mason at your left. You jumped a little, not expecting him standing next to you and he laughed at the gesture, "Sorry". You shook your head, hand resting on your heart and affirmed him you were ready for the rest of the training.

It was now the day before the first table read and you were beyond nervous. You were unable to eat properly during the day, had trouble to focus on your lines and when you decided to go to bed early, you couldn't sleep. "Goddammit", you breathed out in frustration, your eyes glossy because of the stress that was invading you. "Deep breath, inhale, exhale", you repeated in the darkness of the room. Silent tears cascaded your face, the pressure too much to bear. You finally got a grip on your emotions and eventually fell asleep.

A couple of hours later and you definitely didn't woke up like this. You grumpily marched towards your bathroom and hopped in the shower, the warm water splash on your sore body. Half an hour later, you were showered and dressed. You took your script and grabbed your car keys, settling for the Studio's direction. You had 3 hours in front of you until the table read but because you couldn't sleep well, you decided to head early and grab a coffee on your way. You parked your car and walked to a close park, settled down with your script and looked at the sunrise shining in front of you, the small breeze refreshing you. You went over the script, reading it one more time and hoped for the best. Even if you were cast for the movie, the table read was a crucial step. If you didn't show professionalism right away, it wasn't uncommon for directors and producers to let go the person and recast someone else.

"Y/N?", you heard beside you. You turned around and saw Elizabeth Olson stand in front of you, confused on seeing you after so long. "Hey, Elizabeth how are you?", you stood up with a wide smile and hugged her. "I..I'm fine, what about you? What are you doing here?", she asked happily. You chuckled and simply replied you had a work meeting without revealing that it was for Marvel. "That's amazing. I'm so happy to see you again after what, 5 years?", she continued. You nodded, "Yeah sorry I know we were supposed to stay in contact after 'Godzilla' but life just got so crazy", you apologized to which she shook her head. "Tell me about it. When it's not filming, it's press touring. I know how that feels but I'm really glad I got to see you again. We'll have to go for lunch one time."

"I'm happy too and yes, we definitely have", you smiled widely. She checked on her watch and frowned, "I'm sorry but I have to go." "Of course, no problem", you reassured her. She hugged you goodbye and you smirked in anticipation, the surprise being totally unexpected. You checked your watch too and slowly made your way to the meeting point. When you arrived, you saw a line of A-list actors standing in front of you, their backs turned at you. You felt your body slowly begin to tremble in excitement and fear and took a deep breath to calm your nerves down. You bowed your head so that no one would pay attention to you and waited at the end of the group. No one seemed to notice you, each one of them focused on their respective conversation. There was laughter, friends happily chatting and reconnecting after months apart. "I know you missed me", giggled Robert Downey Junior. "How couldn't I", replied someone who's voice wasn't familiar to you.

"Who got to read the whole script this time?", asked Anthony Mackie. "I did", replied the original 6 Avengers (Evans, Scarlet, RDJ, Hemsworth, Ruffalo and Renner) simultaneously. "Lucky bastards", someone else joked. You chuckled slowly but was cut short when you heard someone mention your character's name. "We have no idea who it is", commented Mark Ruffalo to the rest of the audience. Your lifted your head cautiously to try to get their facial expressions when you made eye contact with Evans who was already looking at you. Your eyes widened and you immediately bowed down your head. The next thing heard among the blabbering was Chris' loud laugh. "What's so funny?", asked Scarlet in amusement. "Oh nothing, I'm sure whoever will play Y/C/N isn't very far."

It was at that precise moment when Kevin Feige, the Russo Brothers and the casting director entered the room, "Hello everybody and welcome back", greeted the Marvel Studios' president. "Here we go again for another 4 intense months", he continued to which everyone hollered in agreement. "As per usual only a few selected among you got the opportunity to read the whole script, such as the ones part of the original 6, Benedict Cumberbatch and Marvel's new addition." Your eyes almost popped out of your skull when you heard you actually had the true and whole script in your hands. You quickly figured out that they were testing you, seeing if your were trustworthy and what Feige mentioned next confirmed your suspicions. "Since there's no spoiler out there, I think we did the right choice in choosing Y/N Y/L/N to join the production." You heard someone gasp and recognized her voice. "No way?", exclaimed Elizabeth ecstatic. "Who?", asked RDJ confused. You had to chuckle at his puzzled face, being well aware that they had no idea who you were besides Elizabeth or maybe the ones who saw you as an extra or small role in a movie. "Where is she? Y/N?", called out Kevin Feige. You took a deep breath and raised your arm. "There she is. Will you step out of the shadows and come here, please?",he asked amused. You did as he said, crossing the assembly that had split in two just like the Red See, allowing you to step closer to the men in charge. "Hello, it's an honor to meet you", you said shyly towards them since you hadn't had the chance to meet them yet. They greeted you in return and you positioned yourself next to the casting director Mr Stewart who smiled widely and side hugged you eagerly, happy to see you again.

Everyone sat down and the table read began. You weren't really sure if you had to recite your lines with a neutral voice or already get into character. You already had done a table read before but never such an important one. You watched as the others actors around you sounded far more as their characters than themselves and decided to act along, your voice resonating the way you wanted for the character and your facial expressions matching the situations occurring in the script. You knew you had to prove that you were the right choice and felt everyones eyes burn your skin, whether in evaluating you, in concentration following the lines in front of them or just because they were intrigued by what you could bring to the dynamic already set in place.

"We're going to stop here people because the rest are quiet the spoilers for the rest of the cast and we wouldn't want that, would we", said Kevin Feige while ogling Tom Holland, making the young men shake his head in amusement. "Yeah, yeah I know, the Spoil-Machine right here", he joked. You chuckled along the rest of them and your eyes met Elizabeth's, who smiled while lifting her thumbs up and you smiled brightly at the gesture, happy to have at least an acquaintance on set. The Marvel Studios' president exited the room, leaving the Russo brothers and the actors behind. You felt a little tap on your shoulder and turned on your left side, coming face to face with Mark Ruffalo. "Hello there, I'm Mark", he said and you chuckled. "Hi, I'm Y/N, it's nice to meet you." You caught Robert Downey Jr jog behind Mark until he stood beside him. He looked at you with a wide smirk and commented, "What do you think about the original science bros? Not bad right?" Your eyes widened and giggled nervously but before you could say anything, Elizabeth and Scarlet were beside you. "Don't scare the poor woman already, Downey", said Scarlet. Lizzie grabbed your attention by hugging you. "You sneaky little thing. I can't believe you didn't tell me when I saw you outside that you were casted. Wait does Aaron know?", she blabbered. You laughed at her enthusiasm, "I'm not allowed to say anything I'm sure you know what it is like and regarding Aaron, no not yet."

"Who's Aaron?", asked suddenly Chris Evans out of nowhere. Elizabeth rolled her eyes before telling him it was Aaron-Taylor Johnson, who's also part of Marvel's family and your best friend. Evans nodded attentively while you tried to calm your nerves down, feeling heat creep your body noticing that he was coming closer to where you stood. When his blue eyes locked with yours you were done. It took you a few seconds to realize that he was talking to you. "Excuse me, what?", you mumbled. He chuckled and replied while presenting his hand, "I'm happy to officially meet you Y/N". You shook his hand and had to control yourself to not smile, because he knew you were casted before anyone else, thanks to your clumsiness. "Nice to meet you too." "I'm looking forward to work with you", he commented and winked, before joining another group of actors. You swallowed harshly, took a deep breath and turned towards the people in front of you, who were smirking. "Hmm I can't wait to start the shooting", implied RDJ, mischief shinning in his eyes and voice. You nodded shyly, not able to look at him or the others in the eyes, still impressed to be standing next to so many talented people. "Do you have any ride for tonight?", asked Jeremy Renner. You frowned not really understanding his question. "Ride?"

"Yeah, all the actors are invited for dinner at the Russo's Restaurant", commented Hemsworth. "Oh I didn't know, I'm probably just gonna grab something and eat at home", you responded. "Nonsense, you're part of the team now, you're invited too", quickly said Joe Russo who caught the conversation. "Alright, thank you then’’, you said with a wide smile. "So, the ride?", said Renner again. "I came here with my car so if anyone needs a ride and besides I don't really know where the restaurant is", you blabbered. "Let's just split then, if that's ok with you", mentioned Scarlet. "No no problem at all." They gathered everyone and started to form small groups. You ended up taking Chris (Evans), Elizabeth, Scarlet and Jeremy in your car. You were marching towards the parking when you remembered that your car was garbage compared to the hot wheels they were used to drive. You chuckled nervously and declared, "Sorry it's not a Royce Rolls but it rolls". Sensing your nervous and cracking voice, Elizabeth calmed you down, "Don't worry Y/N." You clenched your jaw and gave her a small smile, not convinced and slightly ashamed. Having Chris sitting next to you wasn't helping you calm your nerves down. You connected your phone to the radio and decided to put on your favorite artist of the moment. You pressed play on and Lizzo's song Juice came on. You immediately felt the pressure release and began to mumble the words to yourself while focusing on the road. "This song is awesome, who is it?", asked Chris besides you. You told him more about Lizzo's music and saw glimpses of him attentively following you talking so passionately about the artist in question.

You soon arrived at your destination and entered the fancy place. During the evening the actors insisted on you switching places at every meal served, so that you could chat a little with everyone. "So anyone in your life, Y/N?", asked Mackie with a smug smirk. You almost chocked on your drink not expecting it and cleared your voice, "Nope not at the moment." "Hmm interesting", he feigned and looked at the others. You frowned but eventually shook your head in amusement. It was starting to get late and you decided to cut the night short, everyone getting where they were standing. You dropped the actors at the Studios where they had their cars but noticed that Chris had just a tab to much to drink. "Hey where do I drop you?", you asked him this time concerned. "What?" You chuckled and told him that you would give him a ride because you didn't want him to drive in his state. "Ohh I can hold my liquor", he arguments. "Come on, I won't be able to sleep peacefully knowing that you drove all the way and not knowing if you arrived safely. Let me take you." He raised one of his eyebrows, smirking when you realized how that may have sounded. "I mean…let me take you in like drop you at your place." He cracked up seeing you try to justify yourself before telling you the hotel he was staying. It wasn't far away from the Studios and told him goodnight. "You seem like a cool person. Goodnight Y/N, see you soon." You smiled and replied, "Thanks, you seem like a cool person yourself." You saw him walking inside the building and chuckled to yourself, "This man will be the death of me."

*gif not mine, credit to owner*

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[livelovelaug-h]

Irreplaceable you pt 1

Sam x reader

Summary- inspired by the movie irreplaceable you. Sickness/cancer and a lot of emotions. Definitely grab a box of tissues.

You: "What if we stayed in bed all day?"

" That sounds like the best day ever. We should stay here all week."

You: "What if we got bored?"

"Us, bored? When have we ever been bored?"

" What if we got hungry? What would we do for food?

Sam: "Well, we could order takeout and have it delivered right there."

"you know dean would come in and make us get up."

Sam laughs "Stop. Stop worrying."

~~~~~~~

Full disclosure:

I didn't have to worry about any of that, because this is where my story ends. So does yours, by the way. So does everyone's.

It's okay. Really.

Most of it I don't miss at all.

One with nature.

Really.

Calm. Peaceful.

But then, there's Sam.

Sam was... is the love of my life.

Sams walking to your grave. You narratoring: " Hi, Sam."

Sam by your grave: "Hi, y/n."

But let's start at the beginning.

~~~~~

Even with being a hunter, you were so excited. You were late for your period, it had been a couple weeks late. Now it felt like you were bloated like maybe a baby bump showing.

"Sam?"

"Hey what's up ?" He answers as you walk into the library.

"I kind of have some good news." Siting down next to him.

"oh yeah what's that ?"

You smile big "well... we need to make a doctors appointment. Because... I think I'm pregnant. I haven't had my period for about two months."

His turn to smile real big "really????" You nod.

"This so great, I'm gonna be a dad.!" He hugs you and kissed your forehead then nose and then lips. "And I'm gonna be a mom."

You set up your doctors appointment for about a week later. You were getting some stomach pains. You got up to throw away your wrapper when:. "ah ouchhh".

'Why does this hurt so much.' you thought.

You were waiting for the doctor to come back and confirm your good news !

There's a big picture of a baby inside of a belly showing the insides and sam says

"that picture makes it look gross and painful."

"that's not helpful!" The doctor comes in:

"I'm so sorry to keep you waiting."

"Um, y/n, I have some difficult news. The blood test shows that you are not pregnant.

Oh. Sam grabs ahold of your hands and squeezes them.

" Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Oh, okay." It felt like someone just ripped your heart out but you couldn't believe it. Sam started rubbing your arms and hands.

"I guess that's okay. I- I mean, the whole thing was kind of a surprise... Yeah. We probably weren't even ready."

" Right-"

"It-it-it's just.. its weird 'cause, um, I know it's super early but I really feel something there." You say.

"The sonogram shows that you have a mass in your pelvis roughly the size of a tangerine. It can mimic pregnancy."

"A mass?"

"What kind of a mass?" Sam asks. He looked pretty discouraged to.

[Dr. Michaelson] "I don't want you guys to panic, because it couldbe nothing."

There's this moment

when everything changes.

You look back, and there was the moment before.

See that person?

Flashback to a few minutes -

"It's not helpful!"

She's thinking about whether she's hoping for a boy or a girl, and tiny fingers and toes, and then...

[Dr. Michaelson] "I'm so sorry to keep you waiting."

[you] and now Suddenly...

End of flashback

~~~~~~~~

You and Sam were laying down in bed:

"At least we won't have to pay for college." You say.

"Unless it's a really smart tumor... Too soon?" He says.

You sigh "It's too soon."

"A tangerine is better than an orange." You say.

"Or a grapefruit."

"Right. Or, um... What's bigger than a grapefruit?"

both of you say "A watermelon."

Cas can't heal you because he's human so there is really no other option.

.... At the doctors again .....

Did I say that was the moment?

[Dr. Kessler] "It's two tangerines and a grapefruit."

Correction, this is the moment.

"That's a lot of fruit."

[Dr. Kessler] "Uh, the tests have shown that it is cancer. And I know how hard this must be to hear. It's incredibly rare in someone your age. It's just... It's just terrible luck. Now we can talk aboutoptions whenever you're ready."

"Is there one that doesn't involve dying?" You ask.

[Dr. Kessler] "Uh, I-I've already consulted with a colleague, and after the initialsurgery, there's a clinical trial I'd like to enroll you in"

"You didn't answer my question."

Did he answer my question?

[Dr. Kessler] "We don't like to make predictions. But in addition to your treatment, I want to talk to you about your quality of life. Uh, we can help with pain management and some palliative care. And also some people have found great solace from supportgroups. I know this is a terribleshock, but let's take it one day at a time."

You knew you would go out one day probably hunting, but not like this. Not cancer.

"hello yes I would like to cancel my subscription to you guys."

"oh why is that?"

"I just have cancer now so I figured I wouldn't really be exercising."

"oh that's terrible. Are you sure you want to cancel?"

"yes . ... I am."

~~~~~ later that night ~~~~~~

Sam: "how you feeling?"

"I'm scared."

"It's-It's gonna be okay."

"What if I die?"

"We're gonna fight this, I'll always be there for you"

~~~~

Your laying on the floor because They say after surgery there's gonna be some minor discomfort.

It's Stage IV cancer.

Nothing is minor.

Nothing is comfortable.

Your doctor talking :

"So, let's, um, let's take another look at the proposed model for auto-associative memory and its constituent neural network."

'Or not. Let's not and say we did. Class dismissed.' you think.

you're walking to the other clinic and the guy greets me. "Hey."

"Hi."

"How's it going? I'm Dominic."

"y/n, Nice to meet you."

"I'm gonna be running your treatment suite."

"Treatment suite? "

"Oh, yeah, don't get excited. It doesn't even have four walls. Uh, go ahead and grab a seat right there. For the next time, you're probably gonna want to bring your own pillow in from home. You're also gonna need your cell phone with headphones and grab a magazine. Some of these guys tend to hoard 'em. You're gonna end up reading an old ripped up copy of Duck Enthusiast.

"Oh. It's okay, I don't read Duck Enthusiast. "

"Yeah, well, you will. All right, feet up. " he says.

"Uh, yes, you will feel like shit after this, but it's different for everybody. And no, your hair isn't gonna fall out right away. And besides, it looks like you have plenty of it, so you're doing good. Uh, and if you need snacks, you got to bring them from home."

Great. Just great.

You walk into one of the support groups.

"Hey."

"Come on in. We're just getting started. " the girl says. "Go grab yourself a hook and yarn."

One of the people in the group start saying "have you heard of Catholic yoga? It's a full Latin Mass with vinyasa yoga positions, and I come out... "

"You serious? " someone asks. "yeah!"

"How is Estelle holding up?"

"She's good. There's a new hawk in Central Park. Every morning we go out there and watch the little guy. I hope she keeps up the bird-watching after I'm gone. With whatever new guy she's banging.

[laughs]

"Welcome to group." they all say. "It's the way we roll."

" We have fun. "

"Cool." you say. The end of session finishes up and you start walking away when the guy who was talking about the bird calls to you.:

"The whole point is to mingle. "

"Not feeling up to it. " you say.

"Neither does anybody. That's why we do it. Myron. Multiple myeloma. You've never heard of it? Stay a while. " he says.

"I'm not really a mingler. "

"Not a crocheter either, apparently. "

"Didn't have time for pointless hobbies then, really don't have time for them now, and I'm especially uninterested in discovering that crocheting is a metaphor for healing or whatever."

"What you're feeling is totally normal." Myron says.

"You know, I wish people would stop telling me that totally insane things are normal."

"Have you looked around? "

"But you just accept that? You just accept everything that's going on? You make jokes about your wife having a new boyfriend?"

"I don't accept it, but in the event that I do kick the bucket, I hope she does find a boyfriend. Somebody nice. Less well-endowed to be sure, but nice. "

"Well, I just think I am in a different situation. Sam and I met when we were kids, and then started dating 10 years ago."

"How old is he? "

" Thirty-five."

"Yeah, he's gonna go through a major slut phase."

You laugh.

"I also have Tourette's."

You- "Good to know."

"Yeah. You come back."

"Nice to meet you, Myron."

"Nice to meet you, y/n."

"And thanks for the advice. "

" All right"

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Are you gonna go through a slut phase?" You ask Sam.

"What? No. Why would you say that?"

"You're not even thinking about it?"

"That's the absolute furthest thing from my mind right now. It's further than like meeting someone on Tinder." You chuckle.

"Okay, but Tinder can't be that far from your mind because you just said it, which means you had to be thinking about it, which means you're thinking about this too."

"Yeah. I'm busted." Sam says.

"I'm serious. Look at you. The puppy-dog eyes.

"What?"

" This is a disaster. "

Sam: "What are you talking about?"

"You don't know. Because you have no experience. Women are gonna eat you alive."

" I can take care of myself."

"I know But what if you can't? Who's going to get you to go to bed and stop researching? Who's going to make you real food?"

"you don't make me real food."

"Yeah, but I would, hypothetically. "

"Well, our hypothetical food has been in the freezer for like a year." You got up and started near the kitchen.

"What are you doing?"

"Figuring out how to cook a real meal."

"Now?"

"No time like the present."

"How do I cook a chicken?" You say into the phone.

[Siri] Let me think about that.

Okay, I found this on the web for "How do I cook a chicken?"

"It's gonna be amazing."

~~~~~~~~~~

Just 'cause you're dying

doesn't mean your life stops.

Sam has been through so much so maybe if you found him a new girl, he wouldn't think about your passing.

In group support-

"And so, uh, when my numbers came back this time, I just, honestly, I just thought I can't keep fighting."

[Kate] "Jim, you don't have to go there. 'Cause it's all about attitude. "

"Well, let's let Jim have his process."

[Kate] "Oh, absolutely. Yeah. I just think that his process should be more positive. Everyone is entitled to... to be sad."

"Thank you."

"You know what I'm loving these days is meditation. And I... I know it sounds trite, but I just have been feeling so blessed every time I sit there in silence. Maybe you could try that now?

You laugh.

"Or we could laugh."

"That's okay too. "

" Sorry. I'm sorry. Just... Some of these women are so cheesy. "I want to dip you in whipped cream and put my cherry on top." What does that even mean, anatomically speaking?" You ask.

"Using a sundae model as a sexual proposition. It is confusing. I have to s... " Myron says.

"I mean, cherry... cherry's got to be a hymen, right?" You ask.

"Probably a busted hymen." You giggle.

[Kate] "Mm-hmm."

"I... I, um... mine broke on a horse. And me, I was born without one. So... It was my favorite horse, though. " ......

"Okay, uh, that's about it for today. "

~~~~~~~~~~

"Were you sexting just now?" Myron asks while you sitting down looking through tinder.

"Let me have my process." You say.

"Your process is sexting?"

"You're the one who said Sam would go through a slut phase. I thought you were crazy, but then I thought about it more, and he's gonna be a chick magnet. he already is And the worst part is, he's gonna have no idea how to handle it because he's going to be too sad. He hasn't dated to many people in his life. He's gonna be lonely and vulnerable. He already lost his fiance."

"Classic rookie mistake. " Myron states.

"What are you talking about? "

"Thinking you can do something to lessen the loss. There's a word for what you're doing. It's a technical term. You want to know it?"

You: "No, thanks."

"Anticipatory grieving.' Trying to cope with the loss before it happens. So, Meryl over there writes a birthday card to her husband for every year she's gonna be gone, and Jim... makes a video montage of himself as Santa for all the Christmases he's gonna miss with his kids. It doesn't change anything. Look, what do I know? My advice? You're hooking him up, concentrate on a booty. Yours, you know, it's... it's flat."

You laugh "My booty is not flat."

"You have a terrible ass. "

"Fuck you."

"Here, give me that. Oh, you got a match. Sexypants89."

"Okay, let me see that."

~~~~~~~~~~

You started interviewing girls that Sam got a match on from tinder at a coffee shop.

To be continued.

[svartikotturinn]

Discussing American politics with an American politics & history connoisseur, pt. 2

I talked to my good friend ‘Twenty-One’, a Californian Paleocon who’s read lots about US history and politics, and asked for his take on Trump’s presidency. Here it is.

[2017-02-04 06.55.17] Twenty-One: My take is that I'm glad Clinton isn't in the White House. Otherwise, my primary note is surprisingly, he kept his word on ending the TPP, and his Supreme Court nomination was completely regular

[2017-02-04 06.55.52] Twenty-One: I find his mannerisms annoying and the tweeting strange, but most of the clickbait articles about his administration have little of substance when I read them

[2017-02-04 06.56.17] Twenty-One: I am still waiting to see if he will indeed make the GOP more friendly to LGBT, that's a major concern of mine

[2017-02-04 06.57.26] Twenty-One: As for the attempts to renegotiate NAFTA, I agree with the spirit but I do not know how practical it is

[2017-02-04 06.59.35] Twenty-One: One thing I have noted is that this election officially confirms my suspicion that your average center-of-left American is just as stupid and reactionary as your average center-of-right

[2017-02-04 07.00.07] Twenty-One: Much as the right-wing overreacted and vilified Obama over literally anything, I am seeing the same for Trump, even over mundane administrative details

[2017-02-04 07.00.12] Twenty-One: With the primary cause being misleading headlines

[2017-02-04 07.00.47] Twenty-One: Also, a fun piece of trivia is that I'm doing a report on the (now defunct) TPP for my International Business class, so my expertise is being applied to it

[2017-02-04 07.07.01] Twenty-One: Anyway, I am still as skeptical as pre-election, but it's still so incredibly early into the presidency, anyone making analyses right now is grasping at straws

[2017-02-04 08.24.17] An Cat Dubh: What’s wrong with the TPP?

Also, isn’t the judge he picked openly opposed to Roe v. Wade and equal marriage?

[2017-02-04 08.29.16] An Cat Dubh: What about the travel ban he established?

[2017-02-04 08.30.18] An Cat Dubh: And, unbelievably, he’s actually trying to build the fucking wall

[2017-02-04 09.16.17] Twenty-One: The TPP is an extremely long and complex trade agreement, but a key part I disliked was that it gave corporations greater legal power in suing nations

[2017-02-04 09.16.48] Twenty-One: The judge he picked has written extensively against activist judicial styles, to overturn Roe v Wade would be judicial activism

[2017-02-04 09.16.59] Twenty-One: the entire point of being a good judge is that you will make rulings your personal morals do not agree with

[2017-02-04 09.17.41] Twenty-One: The travel ban does not bother me in the slightest, the list of nations is even a bit lazy in that they carved it from a list created by the Obama admin of unstable nations

[2017-02-04 09.18.15] Twenty-One: It's not a Muslim ban, as the headlines call it, because it only applies to the 7 nations in question, and it's also only binding for 90 days, as I recall

[2017-02-04 09.18.38] Twenty-One: And technically we have had border fencing along the US-Mexico border for nearly eleven years

[2017-02-04 09.19.06] Twenty-One: It's just not continuous due to the sheer expanse of land we're talking about

[2017-02-04 09.19.11] An Cat Dubh: True, but that’s 3 months during which people are stuck in a country where they’re likely to be killed

[2017-02-04 09.19.25] Twenty-One: Just because they can't go to the US, does not mean they are bound in their home nations

[2017-02-04 09.20.03] Twenty-One: Not only that, but I do not consider it the US' (or the West's, for that matter) responsibility to house all people who desire it

[2017-02-04 09.20.30] An Cat Dubh: But those people have been vetted.

[2017-02-04 09.20.34] Twenty-One: People are dying and suffering by quite large numbers in the Middle East and much of Southeastern Asia

[2017-02-04 09.21.09] Twenty-One: That doesn't mean we stop acting as a sovereign nation first and a philanthropist second

[2017-02-04 09.22.03] Twenty-One: Again, it's a temporary stay, and personally I am skeptical about the degree of vetting that can occur for people from nations with terrible infrastructure and record keeping.

[2017-02-04 09.22.26] Twenty-One: And again, they can migrate without necessarily coming to the USA.

[2017-02-04 09.22.57] Twenty-One: Fleeing instability and war as a refugee does not mean that every locale will welcome you, but there are so many that remaining in those nations is completely unnecessary.

[2017-02-04 09.23.09] An Cat Dubh: They’ve been vetted by the US, that’s where they got their visa to, isn’t it?

[2017-02-04 09.24.12] Twenty-One: I'm sure that their cases vary in their circumstances, some are no doubt vetted significantly

[2017-02-04 09.25.44] Twenty-One: Most of the particularly unsavory incidences I read about, were actually mistakes on the part of airports in enforcing the law on people who should not have flagged it

[2017-02-04 09.26.38] An Cat Dubh: Because it was done hastily and sloppily

[2017-02-04 09.26.54] Twenty-One: Indeed it was

[2017-02-04 09.28.50] Twenty-One: I would certainly argue that it should have been done with more refinement and advanced planning

[2017-02-04 09.29.01] Twenty-One: But that's not a condemnation of the concept itself

[2017-02-04 09.30.20] An Cat Dubh: Didn’t he ban specifically 7 countries that had never had any terrorists come from them to the US?

[2017-02-04 09.30.41] Twenty-One: Yes, but that's a completely arbitrary metric

[2017-02-04 09.30.54] An Cat Dubh: Huh?

[2017-02-04 09.30.57] Twenty-One: Nations not historically having terrorists, does not mean they are not risky populations in their current climate

[2017-02-04 09.31.09] Twenty-One: Not to mention, terrorism is not the only concern with people from those nations

[2017-02-04 09.31.25] Twenty-One: They can live without blowing things up and still be Islamic fundamentalists

[2017-02-04 09.32.07] An Cat Dubh: That’s what Trump talks about though. The ‘bad dudes’ who can commit the next 9/11 or Boston bombing or San Bernardino shooting

[2017-02-04 09.34.45] Twenty-One: Sure, but based on his style that's because it's low-hanging fruit to appeal to people's fears, I'd say.

[2017-02-04 09.35.22] An Cat Dubh: So what reasoning is there behind the ban?

[2017-02-04 09.43.46] An Cat Dubh: (Sorry, internet is wonky)

[2017-02-04 09.44.54] Twenty-One: Like I said, I suspect it's both suspicion of risk of terrorism, because the nations' situation in the past was quite different from what it is now, and apprehension about accepting refugees who won't assimilate into American society well

[2017-02-04 09.46.43] An Cat Dubh: Can you give me an example of a threatening de-stabilization? I suspect I might be out of touch with the news in those areas

[2017-02-04 09.48.23] Twenty-One: Iraq is currently embroiled with ISIS

[2017-02-04 09.48.42] Twenty-One: Syria is still a broken shithole destroyed by civil war

[2017-02-04 09.49.07] Twenty-One: Libya has not really recovered and become a functional nation post-Libyan conflict from several years ago

[2017-02-04 09.49.46] Twenty-One: Somalia has their own ISIS-esque group that they're contending with (I don't recall if it's a splinter faction or just similar)

[2017-02-04 09.49.56] Twenty-One: I admittedly don't know about Sudan

[2017-02-04 09.50.00] An Cat Dubh: The people blocked from Iraq are interpreters and collaborators

[2017-02-04 09.50.08] Twenty-One: and I believe Yemen is also experiencing civil war

[2017-02-04 09.51.04] An Cat Dubh: Did Trump order to ban people who’ve already been vetted or was that a mistake on the airports’ part or whatever?

[2017-02-04 09.51.53] Twenty-One: I don't know.

[2017-02-04 09.54.24] An Cat Dubh: Hrm.

About the judge. you said he was against judicial activism, but wasn’t Roe v. Wade and marriage equality just that? Wouldn’t he repeal those because of his stance?

[2017-02-04 09.54.38] Twenty-One: That's not what being against judicial activism means.

[2017-02-04 09.55.03] Twenty-One: Common law is based on precedent, and Roe v. Wade and gay marriage are the current precedent and law of the land.

[2017-02-04 09.55.17] Twenty-One: It would be activist to overturn them.

[2017-02-04 09.55.29] An Cat Dubh: OK.

[2017-02-04 09.56.02] Twenty-One: The best way to think of it is that judicial activism is not just code for "progressive judges"

[2017-02-04 09.56.17] Twenty-One: it refers to all rulings that are agenda-setting, whether they're left- or right-leaning, rather than following the law

[2017-02-04 09.58.06] An Cat Dubh: I get that. What I asked was about him determining it’s OK to commit it for the sake of undoing a previous act of judicial activism

[2017-02-04 09.58.29] Twenty-One: Generally no.

[2017-02-04 09.58.34] Twenty-One: Even if it was activism before

[2017-02-04 09.58.37] Twenty-One: It is still the precedent now.

[2017-02-04 09.58.46] An Cat Dubh: I see

[2017-02-04 09.58.51] Twenty-One: hence why being a judge means making rulings you may not personally agree with

[2017-02-04 09.59.22] Twenty-One: Your job (according to this philosophy) is to rule based on the existing common law cases, not to rule how you think it should be

[2017-02-04 09.59.39] Twenty-One: And even if it was activism, Roe v. Wade is now a US common law precedent.

[2017-02-04 09.59.43] Twenty-One: As is gay marriage.

[2017-02-04 09.59.49] An Cat Dubh: OK.

[2017-02-04 10.00.15] An Cat Dubh: What about the whole ‘move the embassy to Jerusalem’ thing?

[2017-02-04 10.01.16] Twenty-One: Seems callous, but only time will tell if it's actually worth paying attention to.

[2017-02-04 10.01.42] An Cat Dubh: Why the fuck is he on about it

[2017-02-04 10.02.03] Twenty-One: Main thing that comes to mind is appealing to the pro-Israel chunk of the GOP

[2017-02-04 10.02.41] An Cat Dubh: That’s not pro-Israel. That dumb fuck is gonna drag this country into a huge, senseless war

[2017-02-04 10.02.52] Twenty-One: I didn't say it was pro-Israel

[2017-02-04 10.02.59] Twenty-One: Being technical, it's pro-GOP-that-is-pro-Israel

[2017-02-04 10.03.00] An Cat Dubh: Or, in his care, yuge

[2017-02-04 10.03.02] Twenty-One: Do you see the difference?

[2017-02-04 10.03.21] Twenty-One: It's about Israel, but not really.

[2017-02-04 10.03.57] Twenty-One: It's really about trying to get the GOP to accept him; remember, Trump is not a conservative and many traditional Republicans dislike or outright hate him

[2017-02-04 10.04.16] An Cat Dubh: So he’s basically making cheap political gain on our backs.

[2017-02-04 10.06.43] Twenty-One: That's my personal opinion.

[2017-02-04 10.07.10] An Cat Dubh: What’s he gonna do when war does happen here?

[2017-02-04 10.07.17] Twenty-One: Who can say?

[2017-02-04 10.07.55] Twenty-One: Due to his seeming actual intention of trying to keep a fair amount of his campaign messages to his base, which included not being a warhawk compared to Hillary

[2017-02-04 10.08.05] Twenty-One: (with some commenters going so far as to call Trump pseudo-isolationist)

[2017-02-04 10.08.19] An Cat Dubh: Pseudo?

[2017-02-04 10.08.35] Twenty-One: True isolationism cannot exist in the way it did in the early 20th century.

[2017-02-04 10.08.44] Twenty-One: Modern telecommunications and trade make it impossible.

[2017-02-04 10.08.56] An Cat Dubh: I see

[2017-02-04 10.09.40] An Cat Dubh: What about his racist dog whistles?

[2017-02-04 10.10.32] Twenty-One: Such as?

[2017-02-04 10.10.52] An Cat Dubh: ‘America first’ is an obvious example

[2017-02-04 10.10.55] Twenty-One: No, it isn't.

[2017-02-04 10.11.14] Twenty-One: America first is absolutely not racist dog whistling and I am admittedly a bit incensed at the suggestion.

[2017-02-04 10.12.00] Twenty-One: It is an appeal to a somewhat common sentiment in the United States that being the world's sole superpower has resulted in our Federal Government paying more attention to other nations and their peoples over Americans

[2017-02-04 10.12.54] Twenty-One: That particular phrasing is one I agree with, I think our government's focus should be more internal, both to be more attentive to domestic problems and to limit our global interference with the nations of others

[2017-02-04 10.13.45] An Cat Dubh: http.//edition.cnn.com/2016/04/27/opinions/trump-america-first-ugly-echoes-dunn/

[2017-02-04 10.14.47] Twenty-One: That's an opinion.

[2017-02-04 10.15.18] Twenty-One: America First is not at all an unusual combination of words.

[2017-02-04 10.16.01] Twenty-One: If I so wished, I could probably make most political campaign slogans sound quite devious or find similar or even the same slogan being used by unsavory types in the past.

[2017-02-04 10.16.03] An Cat Dubh: But its use as a political slogan is very particular

[2017-02-04 10.16.33] An Cat Dubh: Damn that took forever to send

[2017-02-04 10.16.52] An Cat Dubh: Can you give an example?

[2017-02-04 10.17.02] Twenty-One: An example I saw someone else make was

[2017-02-04 10.18.03] Twenty-One: Give me a second

[2017-02-04 10.19.59] Twenty-One: Gerald Ford's campaign slogan in 1976 was

[2017-02-04 10.20.09] Twenty-One: "He's making us proud again"

[2017-02-04 10.20.34] Twenty-One: Restoration of pride was a major theme that allowed the Nazis to take power in Germany following the Weimar Republic

[2017-02-04 10.21.00] Twenty-One: The fact is that slogans by their nature will draw from simple ideas

[2017-02-04 10.21.09] Twenty-One: And that people of very different backgrounds may use the same slogan components

[2017-02-04 10.21.35] Twenty-One: Especially since nothing forbids an organization from naming itself yadda yadda, other than copyright and trademark.

[2017-02-04 10.22.29] Twenty-One: I could make a brotherhood named "Lodge for Brotherhood, Education and Technology" and be a total fuckjob nut who believes in Anarchism

[2017-02-04 10.22.43] Twenty-One: That wouldn't make a politician talking about brotherhood, education and technology an anarchist

[2017-02-04 10.23.03] An Cat Dubh: I see

[2017-02-04 10.23.19] An Cat Dubh: Back to the TPP though

[2017-02-04 10.23.38] Twenty-One: I honestly will be better able to discuss it when I've done the research for my presentation

[2017-02-04 10.23.56] Twenty-One: The extra power granted to corporations alone was enough for me to dislike it

[2017-02-04 10.24.14] An Cat Dubh: Do you think whatever Trump wants to replace it with something that won’t give them that power?

[2017-02-04 10.24.14] Twenty-One: But in the coming weeks I'll learn entirely too much about it

[2017-02-04 10.24.32] Twenty-One: Trump isn't likely to try and suggest a replacement for that.

[2017-02-04 10.25.03] Twenty-One: The TPP, being a trade agreement that existed between a number of nations, is not something one can simply "replace," especially since Trump campaigned on and actually followed through in dismantling it

[2017-02-04 10.25.24] An Cat Dubh: So what’s he gonna do?

[2017-02-04 10.25.24] Twenty-One: National will toward agreements like that is always changing

[2017-02-04 10.25.32] Twenty-One: About what?

[2017-02-04 10.25.39] Twenty-One: The TPP wasn't like, a pressing thing that needed to happen

[2017-02-04 10.25.54] Twenty-One: It was a massive trade agreement, but it's not like its destruction leaves a problem unsolved

[2017-02-04 10.26.33] An Cat Dubh: So he’s just gonna pull out and leave nothing in its place?

[2017-02-04 10.26.51] Twenty-One: That's already what he did

[2017-02-04 10.26.55] Twenty-One: "Leave nothing?"

[2017-02-04 10.26.59] Twenty-One: There already was nothing.

[2017-02-04 10.27.02] Twenty-One: It was a proposal.

[2017-02-04 10.27.20] An Cat Dubh: Ah. I thought it was already in place

[2017-02-04 10.27.26] Twenty-One: No, it was a proposed trade agreement

[2017-02-04 10.27.37] Twenty-One: However, due to our marketplace and general economic significance

[2017-02-04 10.27.46] Twenty-One: our withdrawal is a near certain death for the agreement

[2017-02-04 10.28.01] An Cat Dubh: OK.

[2017-02-04 10.28.17] An Cat Dubh: Well, I’m somewhat calmer now.

[2017-02-04 10.28.21] An Cat Dubh: Thanks =)