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#like. what if it never gets better yknow
tshortik · 9 months
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I love you messy artstyle i love you visible brush strokes I love you textures and rough edges I love you imperfections I love you roughness and colour blobs I love you scratchy sketches and bold stylisation and dirt and imperfections I love you ugly and raw emotion!!!!! ❤️
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hyakunana · 27 days
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I hate the sewers . jpg
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shepscapades · 22 days
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GLAD EVERYONE ENJOYED THE ANDROID INFO UPDATE ABOUT INTERFACING DFGJNDGKGNMXGHNCBNM
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deoidesign · 14 days
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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puppyeared · 14 days
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If I close my eyes and concentrate realllyyy hard I can pretend im in my animal crossing room
#im in need of a change I don’t like the way im living rn.. a lot of my belongings were picked out for me#by people who thought their way of doing things was better and Ive had to find workarounds my whole life bc of how I live differently#Ive never thought of myself as someone who cares abt how their room looks. but i want it to have things I like even if its just preference#Ive thought abt it for a while and I dont think Im picky I just dont like it when ppl buy me things expecting me to use it the way they#expect me to.. I just end up with a lot of crap that I feel too guilty throwing away just bc someone thought of me#the only way I can describe my taste is that I know what I’ll like when I see it.. if I can clearly see myself making the most out of it#if I constantly have to use workarounds just to use smth you decided for me im not gonna wanna use it unless I have to#literally i could not be bothered to pull out a notebook and write down important information until I got a blues clues notebook#because I liked it and it made it fun for me to whip out that I actually wanna use it. yknow#so rn im trying to get a drafting table because the one that came with my loft bed is ass and I cant cut my prints on it#I end up cutting on the floor and my back hurts if I do it too long.. and I wanna get a bookshelf for my closet and a bench for my bag#things Ill look at and want to use because I already knew how I wanted to use it and just do it without thinking too hard#yapping#diary
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feline-evil · 4 months
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Never gonna be over how unutterably pathetic and in dire need of ANY kind of companionship or friendship that doesn't revolve around their band the entirety of dethklok are. I love these horrible idiots who are so devoid of any real connections outside of themselves that they will latch onto anyone unfortunate enough to get too close to any one of them! And GOD help anyone they latch onto!!
#jay talkin#metalocalypse#im thinking about the doubles episode where they just seem genuinely happy to have 'friends'#who arent like. industry people. these men are so starved of any kind of connection#and it takes them four seasons a rock opera and a movie to realise they can find that in each other lmao#also thinking about how quickly any of them bond and become really intense abt anyone in their life#aka: NATHAN TOWARDS ABIGAIL. oh dear poor abigail oh dear#but also toki to damn near anyone and this goes for the entire band tbh as well they all do this at least once#and yeah its mainly cuz 10min eps mean u gotta progress stuff fast#but also holy shit. charles these boys want friends so bad u gotta set em up on playdates or smth#maybe it'd get some of their dumb stupid idiot energy out and they'd be better behaved. well. no they wldnt but... u can dream#i do think theres smth to be said that yeah all of dethklok are cool theyre metal superstars they r good at what they do#theyre also fucking prophesised saviours too and theyre also incredibly dangerous idiots and terrible ppl#but never forget that they are also. so so SO pathetic and isolated and dysfunctional#these men have not lived in the real world in decades and are disconnected and unsocial and spoilt and u can see that this does impact#the way they interact w the world! they need like. anything other than the band in their lives hah. they do need to pal around#im glad they find that in each other eventually!!#i dont want 2 sound like im babying them or infantilising them these r grown asshole idiot men but like. listen these shitheards r lonelyyy#everyone in their lives is like. assigned to be there and is set as beneath them in a class and workbased system#they dont rlly have ppl who r just there cuz they like em. outside of fans. and fans arent rlly a real connection yknow#their only connections come via work networking sex and violence and worship baby!!!! its fucked up!
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alsojnpie · 3 months
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hey. um. i love him
#O_O i really love him#it's getting warmer every day and i can't draw him in a sweater for much longer#by the way. is this site going to. yknow. die#sigh........i kept telling myself I'd get better at it one day#kind of like the way i tell myself i can get together courage to speak up but i never do#using another website just sounds so depressing#im not good at social media. im tired of pretending like i can get good at it#but you can't even pretend like you can jump into a conversation if no one is having a conversation#i wanted to be part of a community here but i never could figure out what belonging looked like or how i could do it#and maybe it's my fundamental misunderstanding of that that prevents it but how can i understand it without experience#I'm so jealous of everyone who looks like they achieved what i couldn't even put my finger on. but since i didn't even understand it#i can't even be sure what exactly im jealous of#the other day i walked past a trio of friends and they had their arms around each other and were laughing as they walked#and i felt really strongly that even though I've always wanted a friend like that I'm actually fundamentally incompatible with that.#there's several reasons#but it made me feel really sad. but it made me feel a little better too. i guess it's really not my fault. maybe. i don't really know#in that moment it felt very much like something that was not my fault. and it was nice and sad at the same time#idk what's going to happen here. but one thing i know for sure is that i can have a happy tomorrow. no matter what#no matter what i have to give up on. i can find joy in other things. even in myself#and if there's one idea that he is about. it's that one
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im showing my friend clanker the awesome six eggs and single ice key i found today
#happy easter clanker#for the past three days ive just been playing banjo kazooie for fun#ended originally with a time of 8:22:12#but that changed when i wanted to try getting the stop n swop stuff for the first time on my copy of banjo#so the final time is 9:32:33#i forgot how much i disliked rusty bucket bay. good lord that engine room and stinky bad water#every other level was fine. though i got so confused at first as to what jiggy i was missing in click clock woods#it was just the one on the branch at the very top of the tree. i wouldve never found it had i not looked it up#notes and honeycombs though? did those purely from memory#jiggies too i guess minus the single 1 out of 100#which i think is better than what i was hoping to achieve playing without a guide#i didnt get all mumbo tokens though. i DID get the ones you could easily lose if done wrong though.#i need 7 more mumbo tokens basically to reach 100%#i was also very tempted to 100% gruntys furnace fun (i.e. all squares) but. at a point i was like ''hm. no lets not''#maybe someday. just not then.#i managed to blind guess a lot of grunty questions though#only talked to her sister like. once. and i didnt get any of those questions on the quiz#oh yknow whats fucked up? that one shortcut between rusty bucket bay and mad monster mansions puzzle#you cant break the gate for it if you raise the water level too high#also it took me until today to learn that CheatO's cheats are upgrades and not... cheats#fucked up. but i didnt have too much problems without it. <- he died to grunty once only cause he got knocked off the tower#anyway sorry for the strange photo quality. played on my n64 on an old crt ive had. and i only have a lamp on in my room.#its not as dark as it looks in the image atleast#i also learned that banjo kazooie has way more cheats than i ever knew about#before collecting all the stop n swop stuff. i gave myself the infinite air underwater cheat cause. god.#its so nice to swim around with any anxiety. mostly just used it to swim with clanker for a bit. :).#didnt need it for any other reasons. i done collected everything else girlies#though kid me used a lot of cheat codes in tooie. only because i had a magazine that had all the codes#i 100%'d that one a few years ago i think. jiggies atleast. i think.#anyway. :) clanker
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constantvariations · 10 months
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Man I wish the White Fang had numerous community programs like the BPP did. It would've been super cool to see Adam and Blake interact with other faunus outside of missions and the WF. I like to imagine Adam volunteering to teach people self defense while Blake spends some down time teaching people how to read and maybe they're both banned from the kitchens because they accidentally started a small grease fire because they're used to cooking on the road and not with fancy dancy equipment
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mishapen-dear · 11 months
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no but im thinking about how 4halo could be together while keeping their dynamic intact. forever asks bad on a date and bad is like yeah :D friendship date. several dates later bad's the one to propose and he says "will you merry me" as in like. be merry with me. feel joy forever for we're together and we have 11 children aka all of the eggs we have forcefully adopted from the other parents and i dont know what life would be like without you. you changed my life for the better. besties 4evar, forever
#and then richarlyson falls into pieces#and dapper gets to be smug#i don't super enjoy the ship when theyre lovey-lovey but oh my god its so fucking funny to be in a relationship and just Deny it#to each other to everyone else to themselves#is that a wedding ring no its a donut#made of metal#a decoration i wear that's inscribed with my bestie's name because i just like him so much :3#do you see the vision the vibe is queerbait themselves to Hell while being Actively Queer#more thoughtful examination of bad's character is that i think a relationship that actively rejects sincerity is what he'd be most#comfortable in#he's Full of compliments for the other players and eggs but he will Never say that to their faces. he uses sillytime and insincerity as a#shield. if he ever trusts someone to be like. close to them. to consider them a teammate like he considers dapper a teammate#then it doesn't matter what label it gets -qpp or genuine besties or romantic or another option i cant think of- i think that not#acknowledging that sincerity is the only way he could bear letting them into his heart#i don't know forever as well to give a thoughtful analysis but i think that giving him something low pressure that isn't a Romance might be#good for him too if only for the fact that his Romances have all failed p badly. better to just be silly about it yknow just joke around a#lil if it doesn't mean anything then it wont hurt#<- basic angst trope im not sure fits him but be rest assured i am Looking at him. studying that beast.#qsmp#4halo#qsmp shipping
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toastsnaffler · 6 months
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in a hilarious turn of events my flatmate didn't even know I use any pronouns....
#i thought when she was talking abt how her parents thought i was gonna come out as trans and kept checking my name/pronouns-#that the joke was that im ALREADY trans but in ways they dont know abt.... but nope she genuinely didnt know 🤭#to be fair. i dont rly let anyone in on my gender business unless we're close enough to be dating or its an anonymous online space#like im legally cis and thats fine. idc abt ppl using my name + she/her bc thats not my gender identity its just AN identity that i use-#to navigate the world without ppl being fucking nosy bc i pass as + am sociopolitically treated as a woman (if butch lol)#to ppl who are friends ill joke that my gender is dyke (true) and to friends whose gender falls on a similar spectrum-#or who are transmasc ill talk a little more honestly abt it bc theyre usually able to understand better than anyone else#other butch dykes w a weird gender going on are the only motherfuckers who actually Get It but theyre hard to come by tbh#to be frank i dont fucking know whats going on w my gender. and i dont rly care enough to do the introspection to figure it out rn#i have so many other problems in my life and im lucky that most of my beef w gender can be solved by presenting butch + binding#and using any pronouns around other queer ppl. its actually incredibly funny to me when ppl she/her me bc its like tch. this chump hasnt#unlocked my level of gender yet. pronouns and names in general are so far disconnected from the way i exist in the world...#its just smth thats fun for me to play around with + makes me feel weird sometimes but in ways i havent distilled yet yknow#and this has been my approach to gender for like?? 4-5 years now??? and likely will continue to be for a long while..#anyway. its not actually that surprising my flatmate doesnt know bc shes cis so ive never felt compelled to have a deeper conversation#abt gender with her. but also i could sweeaaar its been mentioned bc almost all our other friends are trans lol#and also ive been introducing myself at queer sports socials w any pronouns and i swear i talked abt that w her..... whatever#and my pronouns are on discord and shes def seen my tumblr before but maybe i didnt have them in my bio at the time... i digress#i kind of prefer cis ppl she/hering me tbh. theyre not able to they them or he him or whatever else me in a way that matters.....#altho i do find it fascinating when she or other ppl elect to use neutral or masculine terms for me. raising an eyebrow and taking notes#like when she got a job and joked abt me being her househusband.. pulling up the fem/masc tally chart and chalking a line up#a la nona the ninth.... ive been trying to figure out whos inhabiting this body my entire fucking life with no luck girl#ANYWAY just smth to think abt. im so tired i think my brain is gonna start seeping out my eyeballs#im gonna watch some more pluto and read and then -> 🛌#another 6:30 start tomorrow woohoo#.diaries#zzzzz
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waywardsalt · 3 months
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im thinking about possession aftereffects that linebeck experiences immediately after the events of phantom hourglass, so here are bullet points i have down for my own ideas
he’s out cold for roughly five days after the fight. he’s conscious for a bit after being freed, but it doesn’t take long for him to collapse once he’s transported back to the great sea. link finds him when he reaches his ship to see him again (he takes a lifeboat or w/e from tetras ship its a whole thing and not the point) and ends up having to take care of him for those five-ish days.
while he’s out cold, he develops a bad fever, and has a good few physical injures from being possessed; all of his wounds from being possessed manifest as burns, the worst wounds bring cauterized and mostly closed, while smaller ones are still open wounds. the largest wound is a large burn covering most of his back, which is cauterized by the time he passes out, and then there are smaller, still open burns on his upper arms and legs. (the smaller wounds are manageable by link when he follows some medical instructions, [there are some medical books on the ship] the larger one is also manageable, but takes a lot longer to properly heal).
(link asks tetra and her crew to stick around for a while to keep linebeck stabilized while he’s unconscious. when linebeck wakes up, tetra and her crew are good to leave because then linebeck can better report what’s going on, and knows how to handle injuries).
linebeck’s fever persists after he wakes up, and he experiences… pretty much every fever symptom, with especially bad chills and full-body aches. the aches are really bad for the first few days after he wakes up, he’s extremely physically weak and shaky for a while, too. that weakness and shakiness get better with time, but he doesnt go entirely back to normal without actually moving around and doing things to build that strength back up.
he’s delirious and struggles to stay awake for those first few conscious days, too, which makes that weakness and shakiness worse; he struggles to eat and drink water, and struggles to string together thoughts or words to talk to link, and both of them figure out pretty quickly that they’ll have to wait a bit longer before so much as an attempt to coax him out of bed can be made.
beyond existing problems with food, linebeck struggles to keep anything down while he recovers, and becomes ill pretty much every time after he eats anything, so a bucket is kept near his bed. with water, he obviously needs to drink a lot of it considering that he’s feverish, injured, and vomiting frequently, but while he’s sick he has a bit of an irrational fear of water (along with an irrational fear of air and the wind, which makes him hesitant to go outside while he’s sick).
he’s generally pretty irritable, which isn’t particularly new, but it makes him prone to refusing help with certain things. he’s less irritable when tired and just resting. he’s also especially nervous, and despite the overall fatigue, he struggles to sleep for very long while he’s sick, and as said before, is often delirious and even confused when things are bad.
along with the other difficulties eating, linebeck has a hard time swallowing for a bit, and salivates a lot more than normal while he’s sick. he is soooo fucking dehydrated the whole time and that really doesn’t help.
while the weakness and shakiness stays for the entire time he’s sick and even a bit afterwards, for the first few days after he wakes up he’s stiff and also experiences some muscle spasms and numbness in his limbs, and has a hard time keeping his balance the first few times he gets out of bed.
once the sickness clears up fully, linebeck has to still be careful with the scar on his back; it’s sensitive to touch for a while and hurts when exposed to the sun or air for too long and when he stretches his back too far, but eventually just reaches the point where it’s a bit sensitive but is otherwise just a large scar.
obviously he’s also going through the wringer in an emotional and mental illness sense too but those would require a whole new bullet point list.
#ask to tag#loz#legend of zelda#linebeck#phantom hourglass#this kinda just turned into early post ph chapter notes and you know what? i really needed it to be that way actually#post bellumbeck wounds manifest as burns bc i think that purple… ooze? from bellum is like fucking acid#also magic shit yadda yadda bellum burns those he possesses cuz like. melt skin so it fuses to whats touching it. yknow#salty talks#why does tetra’s crew leave when linebeck wakes up? linebeck wants them to leave and he wants to keep secret the fact that he got possessed#hes lucky that link doesnt say anything and lucky that tetra never saw any of it#he uses the story that he just got attacked by bellum and knocked out while link fought bellum#i might just leave his long term bellumbeck aftereffects at. huge burn scar on his back and some fun magic stuff#cuz he does go through all of this shit and survives what is basically literally fucking rabies its a lot of rabies symptoms#its like. mixture of real sickness/disease and Burn Wounds with a dash of. hmm what would he be experiencing as like#his body gets use to actually being in control of itself after that control is forcibly and violently hijacked by something else#also theres just some nasty shit in his blood/body in general which is why he vomits most of the time. get that shit outta here#also this whole scenario is ig a fun reversal since all of ph link is the one who gets injured/sick snd linebeck has to take care of him#so. switch things around. link is Going Through It as well this is DISTRESSING for him but he feels better while talking with linebeck#link being present seriously tipped things in linebecks favor. if he was alone he wouldve still survived. it wouldve fucking sucked tho#wouldve been really really hard but with enough effort and will to live linebeck could survive on his own thats important#seriously considering adding that at his worst he has seizures but i dont know enough abt those rn so maybe layer
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mildmayfoxe · 9 months
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hahaha hey you guys guess what. you'll never believe it. got the guy who's in charge of my fraud case on the phone and he was like "who'd you give one-time security codes to yesterday" and i was like "the guy who called me from the fraud department after they noticed a weird login in florida??" and he was like "that was the fuckin hacker. you got got. IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!" i handed my entire savings over to a fucking guy on the phone on a silver platter. like some kind of fuckin rube. bro
#IT IS OK THOUGH I HAVE BEEN SORTING IT OUT#account is LOCKED DOWN! card is DELETED! fraud paperwork has been FILED! i have requested a fraud alert AND credit freeze#from the NATIONAL CREDIT BUREAU!#a friend of mine is taking me to MAINE next saturday to go to the BANK! i sent an email to my landlord asking if i can pay rent by CHECK!#i went to my other bank and deposited my BONDS! so i have some MONEY! to pay RENT!#i also got a new debit card from them. and made sure i could use my old checks.#i also bought some STAMPS while i was out and a BIRTHDAY PRESENT for a FRIEND#now i am going to start switching over some auto deposits#so when i get my paycheck on tuesday i will actually get it.#i feel so STUPID but i think i have done all i can to fix this. i am feeling better about it#by next weekend i will have my money again. it's all fine#and hopefully next time i will not get got so easily. lol.#anyway dont get got by people pretending to be your bank i guess. i did think it was weird how many questions they asked but..#they ALWAYS ask lots of questions at the bank!!!!!#i got a text message FROM the bank saying they would be calling me soon and then the next call was from the scammer#and then like a half hour later got one from the bank and was confused bc they'd just 'called me'#anyway. it'll be fine. scary for a while but at least i have things i can do to make it better. it's all good#genuinely feeling like i ought to take out like a thousand bucks cash and keep it in my desk to replace my bonds tho tbh hahah#just in case something like this happens again. you never know. what would i have done if i DIDNT have those yknow#ok thank u all for being along on this journey with me
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greekromann · 8 months
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the version of tashigi that lives in my head is soooo much cooler than anything oda could ever hope to write about women. oda doesnt understand her I Do Though
#the smoker and tashigi episodes that live in my mind. oda wishes. he wishes he were me#this is true of every woman in 1pc but its so frustrating watching any scene with tashigi bc like#yes shes clumsy scatterbrained etc etc those are fine those can stay bc through all that shes. SUPPOSED to be competent. shes been /said/#to defeat strong opponents and theres a /reason/ shes smokers right hand but odas allergic to letting women fight onscreen. bc hes a coward#im taking her away from him im taking away his tashigi rights. Girl You Are So Cool To Me#this is like. gdjgffgjdhf between tashigi and kuina oda does this thing where hes like. ''what if i almost engaged with being a woman in a#heavily gendered society in an interesting way and i /talked/ about doing so but then never follow up on that. so rather than creating a#story that includes gender norms for the purpose of questioning them i just /talked/ about questioning them but then reinforced them with my#starring cast of characters bc im incapable of writing a woman who isnt Dainty. what then.“ and what happens then is i Bite him#and by 'allergic to letting women fight onscreen' i mean. women can only fight women and if theyre NOT fighting women they still have to be#Elegant or Feminine about it and occasionally a woman could defeat a Man™ but shes always gotta be Pretty about it. nami complains about#fighting and robin Only Slaps People Bc She Doesnt Like Punching :( and tashigi (whos fighting style is more traditionally. yknow. Fighty)#doesnt get to Do that often or when she Does she gets put out of commission early and its. Bro You Are So Close#head in my hands. 1pc is good i love it dont get me wrong but i could make it Better
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cryptvokeeper · 1 year
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In my time honored tradition of “I like rise Leo but in a slightly to the left way of the general fanon interpretation” I propose: yes, Leo was being a bad leader and not communicating with his team during the movie because he didn’t want the responsibility of being leader HOWEVER he was not purposely self-sabotaging in an effort to get Raph to take leadership back. Instead, he was going solo and not working with anyone in order to avoid leadership altogether and not make calls and decisions that could potentially fail.
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pausing your regularly scheduled drama to announce that camp tensions are finally relaxing ~
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