#listen i made these yesterday and i wasnt going to post them until i had the rest but when i saw your post saying you were going to gif them

[tmpttion]

yeonbin for @yeonbins ♡

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[haikyuu-bf-scenarios]

Kageyama Tobio: Second Encounter

First Meeting

heyo lets go for inconsistency in posting. sorry the one im updating isnt the most emotionally competent mc

*not edited*

you didnt want to go to the club

werent too keen on getting hit in the face

again

you didnt have much a choice bc step-mom decided to warn Kiyoko about your flakey-ness(?)

you take as much time as possible packing up, making this decision

until Kiyoko shows up

she tells you your step-mom told her mom that you have a habit of flaking on things you dont want to do

“fine”

you swing your bag over your shoulder, following Kiyoko to the gym

before you enter tho you move to the side of the building

you buy a straberry milk from the machine

as mentioned before, you can drink a cup (or carton) of milk before feeling sick

we love being spiteful of medical issues

you rejoin Kiyoko at the entrance, sipping your milk slowly

obviously she’s concerned; she heard you yesterday too

“relax, im not that self-hating. im not eager for stomach cramps tho”

“you know better than me, i suppose”

she brought you inside, where the tea had just started setting up

“should you be drinking that?”

it seems there are two moms on this team

“sorry which one are you?”

dont blame yourself for not remembering his name

or face...

last time you were here you got hit in the face

you also didnt think youd be coming back

and you said as much “sorry i didnt think id be here again. didnt bother to memorize you all”

“ah” ‘so blunt’ “im Sugawara”

he bows to you which provided you w/ a culture shock youve been getting a lot

you only bowed your head in return

stepmom said that was okay for now until you learned the proper way

this isnt really important to the story but the author wanted to mak the cultural difference apparent

“so about that milk?”

“I’ll be fine.” you took another step to prove your point

“y/n” Kiyoko called you over to her and Yachi, who had just arrived (as you heard earlier)

“You two will be observing today. You dont have to be nervous.” you suspect that t be directed to Yachi

“wight!”

“wight?”

“oh, but be careful of stray shots”

that was probably for you “right...”

she walked away, grabbed a notebook, and approached you again giving it to you

“what for?”

“its for recording info about the team. make as many notes as you want”

‘this is bc i forgot Sugawara’s name’

you looked at the book with no emotion

‘i doubt ill be making any notes’

you really need to give yourself more credit

bc you did rite notes down

not volleyball notes

yeah, hell no - you dont know enough about the sport to do that

no you took notes on other things

like how everyone listened to Daichi

How Asahi barely had confidence but still hit the ball with finality

how Hinata’s, Nishinoya’s, and Taneka’s energy and antics made practice much more fun

how Kageyama seemed to be giving his full effort even if it was only practice

it was exhausting just watching them

didnt mean it wasnt keeping you engaged

the stray balls flying toward you made sure of that

one of them flew at Yachi but Hinata got it first

this prompted Kiyoko to come over and check on you both

“are you okay?”

“uh, yes...”

“fine”

“this is my time seeing volleyball outside of PE class so close. its pretty amazing”

“i think our teams offense is among the best in the prefecture”

she stops a ball from hitting you in the face

again

one of the boys yelled sorry but you were paying more attention to what Kiyoko was saying

you especially werent paying attention to Nishinoya & Taneka

“Karasuno was actually strong enough to go to nationals before

“but in the last few years, we’ve been called ‘the fallen giant’ & ‘the flightless birds’“

“creative” you commentd

“this time, we’re going to stand on the national stage.”

“thats amazing...”

you had to agree with Yachi on that

looking at Kageyama do another perfect set, it made you think, want

no not like that, ya nasties

‘whats it like being so passionate about something that you perfect it?’

‘i bet it feels amazing’

now im just guessing bc im not you but im pretty sure this was the minute you decided you were gonna help them to nationals

hell you even brought the notebook home w/ you to make your own notes

masterlist

[tinysatansierra-blog]

Markiplier manor is toxic here’s why

So Markiplier manor (Markipliers official discord server) has gotten a surplus of new people in it, this happened a few weeks ago the manor itself though has been up for awhile. originally a members only server it was eventually opened up for everyone and yes there are alot of genuinely good people and the mods are alright but unfortunately its becoming a toxic environment. 

SO EDIT i have discussed with the mods that being said ... im keeping this up as a reminder of we can do better we can help people who are struggling through something instead of shutting them down we can listen to people who are being oppressed and bravely point out new media that only worsens that oppression and stigmatization and not just the mods who i was kind of harsh towards but who are human everyone as a community can do better and this is a large community think of the work we can do just doing the basics like boycotting problematic content and helping those who cry out for it who need it (and noticing and shutting down manipulative/toxic behaviors) ... i dont know if im going to go back to the manor yet tho im going to let this sit give it a week yall can agree or disagree but know that if you try to be an ass your going to get shut down and your feelings are going to get hurt 

lets start with the basics “triggering topics” triggering topics can be anything in particular but it generally means a topic that relates to another persons trauma. Now while it is important to acknowledge a persons trigger words and try to keep the conversation respectable ive also noticed people use it to shut down people who come on freaking out because their dealing with a stressful situation/something traumatic just happened. This has happened to me personally and to a friend with me it was about being pro choice and having to in short make that actual choice. i was discussing this in the bathroom because i (like anyone else who comes in with baggage) did not know about any pro choice discords at that moment and was afraid of being stigmatized or going onto a discord that says its a safe space only for it to be filled with trolls. Mark manor is labeled as a safe space and many people come on there looking for support with me no one told me that the topic was triggering to them (which apparently it was because a friend of theirs had to make the choice not her herself think what you will) they just went to a mod early on when i just found the server as a member a friend (who i wont name) had gotten.... assaulted majority of her werent online and as someone who has been there and yes when she told me it did trigger my own trauma she needed moral support... the mod shut her down and deleted her comments and didnt give her a pointer to any other discord where she could discuss the topic openly and get moral support and be pointed to resources (it actually took me ten minutes to find and confirm a lgbtq therapy chat earlier this year for another individual discussing mental health) this was before i had gotten on for that day but i noticed those messages and i contacted her when she told me what was up yea it triggered my memories and its not fun but I FUCKING HELPED HER i made sure she went to the police to atleast file a statement (while the police dont always help it is good to have it on file) i even made her a plush and shipped it out to her and i would do it again and again because its not good to basically tell another person to shut up because it triggers others not without atleast trying to help them find another fucking place and making sure their actually ok and in a physical safe place  next is them claiming the manor is a “safe space” a safe space is by definition  “ a place or environment in which a person or category of people can feel confident that they will not be exposed to discrimination, criticism, harassment, or any other emotional or physical harm.” you would also think that the manor would be a safe space in the fact that marginalized and oppressed groups of people would be able to point out problematic content and have an open and free discussion about it and how it makes them uncomfortable. especially people of lgbtq community which alot of people in that chat are. yesterday (and this was what caused me to officially turn away from the server) in the patio (which is the members only chat) a Transgender individual pointed out the problematic content that is huniepop and how it fetishizes trans people as well as other minorities now this game i hear tries to make itself out as a “parody” .... its not its a sexual dating sim what would make it a parody is if sex noises were replaced with donkey sounds and the lewd pictures were replaced with poorly drawn doodles of tits or what have you its a game for incels marks hilarious when he plays it because he doesnt take the game seriously my issue isnt with him its with the developer. and if you did not know (which apparently people dont) the character poli is described as “a girl with a dick” the individual pointed this out because they felt like it dehumanizes them and paints them as nothing more than a fetish... and also apparently you can “choose” is poli is trans which kind of gives off the message that people can ignore trans peoples identity if it makes them uncomfortable... or if they dont sexualize them. and the muslim community is more or less in the same boat i come from the bible belt in usa im not muslim i am not trans but i do have a reason for standing with both and i will get to that in a bit so i was raised in a christian household in a christian setting like muslim women were basically told we cannot have sex and any sexual thought is sinful and we will be punished blah blah blah your even more closeted if your gay or bi because then you can face ... violence that being said to make the woman from the middle east hyper sexual like they did is kind of shitty even for a incel pleasing sex game. the individual who thought it would be ok to discuss this in the server because its labeled as a safe space and is generally “lgbtq” friendly thus believing he would have people agree and discuss ... was unceremoniously shut down by their peers and a mod was notified this person was not hostile maybe a bit frustrated because he wanted to talk about it and thought he would have this genuinely helpful conversation and people would listen and spread the word because to have problematic content be popular can isolate the oppressed group even more so WHEN NO ONE WANTS TO LISTEN TO THEM. if a group of marginalized people notice something problematic with content and you claim to be an ally of said group then you need to acknowledge and support what they say. they told him to go to twitter where he could potentially be bullied and written off ... because again its an INCEL PLEASING SEX GAME.(which means incels if you ever dealt with them will go and say anything to justify the game even using slurs and bullying) and to put the icing on the cake to change the topic they brought up robin ... i actually dont know who robin is as i dont really focus much on youtube creators personal stuff (it feels off for me to not personally know an individual but know their personal stuff without having actually talking to them its weird i know its a thing i have in my head) but apparently they recently came out as female and good for them im super proud of him and the patio members were discussing how they were proud of him as well for beginning to wear makeup and making themselves more feminine which would be great if they werent trying so hard to shut down the trans male who was trying to spread awareness on problematic stuff .... something he pointed out ... and something they gaslighted and said he was being hostile. really its almost as if they only care about trans issues when its someone famous discussing them  so what can we possibly do about huniepop being transphobic and the answer is very easy BOYCOTT IT like... yall were up in arms and boycotted jk rowling with snap and a turn do we only cancel the old and ugly? do we only cancel those who we dont think is funny? mark is not at fault he probably doesnt realize it and any comments made on the issue are talked down upon or drowned amongst other comments im not saying to cancel him im saying to cancel the game HARD. ignore the posts bitch at the dev demand refunds for your game. like consumers have infinitely more power than corps want to admit.  so you basically have a community that claims to be a safe space but only if you want to talk about sunshine and rainbows and its highly hypocritical of them to claim safety.  another thing is emotionally abusive/manipulative people hide in the server and the mods dont ever seem to acknowledge it. i cannot tell you how many times ive gotten into arguments with people who seems nice then turn into assholes then claim to be the victim when i or others go off on them. if you recognize my name you know i dont stand down when it comes to having a snarky or rude comment thrown at me if your going to be an ass were fighting i dont care how nice you seemed beforehand and you dont get to call a mod just because i actually stood up for myself or others sorry not sorry dont be a bitch nuff said.  now why would i care so much about problematic content? why would i care and stand by the transgender and muslim people (aside from being ya know... an actual ally and not someone who claims it for sympathy and brownie points?) its because i am autistic i am also able to function well on my own but there is a movie created by the famous singer sia it is called music it is a movie frowned upon by the autisitic community because infantizes and dehumanizes non verbal autistic people i am fortunate and unfortunate in not having to deal with much stigma unfortunate because i wasnt diagnosed until i was 17 alot of answers about my behavior could have been answered if i had been diagnosed earlier but considering society loves the quiet timid female and i functioned “well” for neurotypicals i was ignored. so yea you bet your ass im standing with them and raising awareness about huniepop and their was this one person when i mentioned this point i cant remember there name nor to do i give a shit about them because when i mentioned how autistic people ... how i was in the same boat with music by sia (again i advise that no one target the actress who was under contract target sia and please boycott her so she knows she cant get brownie points or money for a movie that stigmatizes who she claims she wants to “help” (*cough* profit off of *cough cough*) and only serves as a feel good movie for neurotypicals and ignorant people)  they said “i heard people who hated the movie i heard people who found it alright people are ALLOWED to like problematic content” ... and like ... does anyone else see the problem here? its not hard at all to boycott celebrities for making content  and im going to repeat this point  IF A GROUP OF MARGINALIZED, STIGMITIZED AND OPPRESSED PEOPLE CALL OUT SOMETHING FOR BEING PROBLEMATIC AND YOU CLAIM TO BE AN ALLY YOU FUCKING LISTEN TO THEM AND DONT SHUT THEM DOWN I DONT GIVE A SHIT YOU DONT HAVE A FUCKING EXCUSE. if you cant bring yourself to boycott a piece of media and replace it with the infinitely more suitable forms that supports the group you claim to be for your not an ally your a fucking hypocrite  and that is why i left markiplier manor i am still a youtube special ... thingy member and i will continue to be a member to support mark i want people to overall listen to those who speak up against a creator and a piece of media and listen to us all no matter how “good” something seems. .. also there is a video called listen it was created by nonverbal autistic people  and communicationFIRST a group that sia apparently communicated with for her movie... and then ignored  https://youtu.be/H7dca7U7GI8

[pbandjesse]

I just got it in my head to cut my hair. Not the length but all my layers had grown out and my ends felt fried. So that was fun. Today was incredibly busy but honestly just a really good day 

I slept okay enough. And I woke up a little before my alarm. I bothered James for a bit but I got up and made the bed and went to get ready. I felt pretty cute. And I was looking forward to my day. 

And I was totally right that Chris was going to throw me in a group so I had to stick up for myself. And I got exactly what I wanted. I was with a group all morning and working on prep and having that one class in the afternoon. Charlotte is wonderful and was okay with it and that made my life so much easier. 

The kids I had today were excellent. Could not have asked for a better group. I brought string and clay and looms over and they were so excited to learn. Most of the girls (and one of the boys) spent the whole morning making bracelets. 

They were such good listeners though and so easy to work with. We went to "the museum" which is a little library room in the lodge, to return books and help clean up, and to get a few other books. And then back to the art shed to hang in the hammocks and play with clay and work on bracelets. It was just so chill. 

We went up to horsemanship and we were a little early but that was alright. We hung out at one of the picnic tables and then one of the dachshund dogs, Baily, came over and after all the kids pet them one of the boys were like "Hands off!!! It's Ms Jesse's turn!" which I didnt even ask for but was so sweet.  So I sung the panda bear song to Baily and the kids thought it was so cute and then Baily wouldnt stop following me. Adorable. 

We headed out and said goodbye to the horses and took the secret trail back to the fort. We had lunch. I had them all eat at their own bunk and then we cleaned everything after. And since we had some time before the pool I was like. We will go hang in the hammocks some more. 

But then I got a call that some of the kids were getting picked up right then. Get them ready, get them outside. Weird. It was going to storm later but like. The sky was clear now, so this wasnt an early pick up. 

But they left and I took the remaining 5 to the art shed to chill until Charlotte came for them. Which is when Charlotte told me that all the kids that were in one counselor's group last week were going home because she was sick. My heart was racing. I had to go sit down. Apparently the health department says were good as long ad those kids left until results came back. But jeez. Alexi had a conversation with me later and it seems like its going to be okay. That its just a cold. But man. Its scary to think about. I am so worried about everything all the time and that was not good for my heart. 

The rest of the day was supposed to be prep. And it was but it was also just so busy!! I had the kids from yesterday come back and they continued to be very small and silly and sweet. They painted and enjoyed the hammocks and I worked on some prep. It was good. 

Once they left I got to work on my worry jar example. The material Heather got for me to do it seems to be perfect. I am excited to experiment with it more. But I wasnt sure how long it would take to dry so I decided to take it on a walk around camp. Show Heather. She was very excited and thought it looked super cute. 

I made a stop at the trading post and asked if some teens had free time they come help me sort out strings. And Olive was like. My teens!! They will help!! We have nothing to do!!

So I was like. Uncomfortable because I hate asking for help. But I sucked it up and they honestly were just wonderful. They were so super helpful. They were silly. They were there with me for a few hours and they made things look so neat and clean. Olive mostly dealt with embroidery floss, some of the girls did the yarn, one girl did the sewing box. The boys were given the task of smashing tiles for mosaics and they were having way to good of a time. It was so silly. But because they were all doing those things I could just work on setting up things for the next few days and next week. Amazing. 

I started getting a head ache though. The sky was getting dark and there was thunder. I think the pressure in the atmosphere was giving me a head ache. But I was in such a good mood with this group of kids. We somehow ended up talking about periods and abusive relationships and body piercings? They had good questions and I dont mind explaining things. They were sweet. 

Once they finished cleaning things up, they headed out. I was pretty tired. I hadnt taken a real break today. Busy busy busy. So I spent the next half hour just laying in the hammock. But then I felt guilty so I finished cleaning and went to the office. 

But soon it was time to leave. I had a head ache and I was worried about the rain. And the rain did hold off. Until about half way through my drive home. It came down hard. And people still dont seem to understand that I CANNOT SEE YOU if your lights are off!!! So it was slow going but I got through the rain and it was dry the rest of the way home. 

When I got back here James was out. He was getting us veggies for dinner and was home before I jumped in the shower. 

I felt a lot better once I was clean and in pjs. James made us a lovely pasta dinner. And I played animal crossing. Said goodbye to Keaton, our first campsite villager, who is finally moving away. I hope we get a good friend next. 

We have just been hanging out since then. I cut my hair. And now I am going to go get ready for bed. I hope we all sleep well tonight. I hope tomorrow is a wonderful day for you all. Goodnight my friends!!

[ftpthemovement]

Comfort or calling? Stop stalling it’s time to ride.

God doesn’t place a calling in your heart and not give you the ability to see it through. Are you choosing comfort or your calling?

Last week I was seeking God to inquire him about a word he gave me a few months ago revolving around FTP. Most people don’t know, but we are closing in on the last few months of our lease here in Kennesaw, and the word he gave me was in reference to what the furture would hold for us. When I asked, I wasnt given a direct answer, so I expressed a lack of assurance to close friends and members of FTP. Since the inception of FTP, God has always given a clear vision of what was to come, and this was the first time where there wasn’t a direct clear cut direction or instruction on what we were supposed to be doing. So I went walking in solitude spending time with God and he began to speak to me.

Often times when God talks to me the most, Its during these times where I’m walking with him in a remote location free from distractions and any input, or out side interference. On this particular day, God placed it on my heart that it was time to uproot myself from Kennesaw Georgia, and move to Las Vegas Nevada to do his will. Cause you know, that’s super normal and all 😂

At first I felt very worried because it’s moving across the nation to a place I don’t know, surrounded by people I also don’t know, to places I’ve never been before in my life. Automatically, my first inclination is to worry. Yet God choose to remind me of a word he sent me around a year ago, when he said, “I’m bringing a raging river to dry sands.” I quickly remembered that I used to walk around a repeat it daily, often times I still do; but I never really understood it until recently. On September 6th, I saw the post come up on Facebook, Circa Sept 6, 2019. Exactly a year later, God was reaffirming his word from exackty year ago, and it lined up perfectly with the message he had just given me! Guess you would have to be there to know the full gravity of the situation, but let’s just say it was all the confirmation I would ever need.

But, in the process of such a massive transition, you obviously have to iron out a few wrinkles with such an undertaking. So, I immediately reached out to Alex and Jordan, who are very close brothers and members of FTP to ask them what they thought. Amazingly enough, they not only supported it, but they felt lead to deployed there as well! Talk about faith in action! I really don’t think you could ask for more than that. God says go, thier answer figuratively speaking was, “Say when.” It’s literally the coolest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

Obviously all of our intentions are there, but this is when the opposition likes to creep in. See, technically we are still here until the lease is up. We have to manage to somehow raise funding, continue expanding discipleship, and elect overseers to continue our work here in Georgia, while we expand to the west as God has instructed. In the middle we could come up with a number of excuses, fears, doubt, insecurities, distractions, and opposing opportunities in the process. Hence why the topic up top is, “Are you choosing your comfort, or your calling?”

Up until yesterday when I would think about the transition I would start asking questions that I think any sane, logical, rational person would ask. Stuff like, “Where are we going to stay?” “Are we shutting down the businesses we run?” “How do we all manage to uproot multiple families and make it work?” “Where will we work, etc.“ “Where will the resources come from to help make the transition happen?”

Now, everything isn’t complete, but the Lord has already answered about 90% of these questions, and in the coming months we are going to reveal the plan God has placed in motion, and we hope that you share in the vision and take the opportunity in helping be apart of Gods work! But, for now this is where God calls his followers to have faith, and to be prepared to put that faith in action by trusting that he will create the way to see it to completion!

Sounds tough, and it is! Yet, he specifically reminded me of one answer he gave that changed the complete trajectory of all of my thoughts. A question so imperative, that it shifted everything Ive ever known when it comes to following God. What’s that question you might ask?

The question was, “If I choose to stay and not go, would you be mad at me?”

Even reading the question as I’m writing it, it sounds loaded. But in the loving grace that only my Heavenly Father could answer in, I got a peaceful “No.” So, God is calling me to go do his will, but if I don’t go, he won’t be mad at me? Hmm..... I felt a prompting in my spirit to ask God another question. “If I don’t go, can I be just as successful here doing your will as I would be there?” He gracefully and calmly replied, “No.”

“So, if I go I’ll be more successful than if I stay, why wouldn’t I go?” I had a lot of answers to that question. It’s probably one the easiest list I could ever come up with. Because of job security, comfort, and fear. Because of being rooted in what I’ve grown accustom to on a daily basis. All of the things I take for granted that would simply disappear if i choose to be obedient. If you really think about it for awhile there’s sooo much stuff that I could list, and go on and on about. As I sat there and thought about every excuse in the book, God blessed me with a wave of insight that came crashing down on me, saturating me with love, insight, revelation and understanding. If you made it this far, stick around because I’m about to share it with you.

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

God showed that I can be saved, be doing good works, and still be far outside of his intended will for my life....

Listen.... It’s the times that God asks for obedience, yet we choose to shrink back from it. You might understand examples like, “God telling you to say something to someone, but your scared to do it so you shrink back. Or, you know you should have done something in a particular situation but looking back would have handled it a million different ways, but froze up. All those are good examples, but imagine that times 100 million, it’s that deep of a revelation.

What God revealed is that often time we will ask Him questions, and he will answer them in accordance to the condition of our hearts. Re read that slow 5 times and meditate on it.

Jesus often times does similar in scripture, by answering people’s questions with a question first, to reveal the motive of there hearts. What God was showing me was that when we ask him questions, we often times ask out of good intentions, but it’s filtered through our intended desires. We ask with intentions on receiving what we want the response to be. Let’s slow it down cause it’s really heavy. It means we aren’t really seeking his will, but instead, we are seeking what we want his will to align with it.

This means when asking God, we can have all the best intentions in the world of serving God, but when we ask him for something, we are asking it for self, and he graciously and lovingly gives us the desires of our hearts. But if your hearts will, even though being good, isn’t what’s God wants for your life, is it a life worth living? It may appear to be good, you claim it’s for his kingdom, but if it’s not the mission he’s called you to....?

Walk with me bro...

How many of you have seen visions in your head from God, or felt a prompting in your heart to expand in ways you can’t even fathom, but then you quickly rationalize every excuse of why it can’t happen for you, and you write it off as a day dream How many times have you asked God for something but if it doesn’t happen how you wanted it to, or expected it to, you start questioning if you have unresolved sin, or if you did something not pleasing to God. How many of you reading this are weighed down by your past decisions in life, and they hauntingly become the excuses of your future?

God literally loves you enough, to bless you, save you, bring you into heaven, and you still not have lived the life he had intended for you. Most people I’ve met say, “Well everything happens for a reason, and God allowed x______ to happen to learn from it, so I don’t consider it a mistake. Yet they refuse to take ownership of truthfully considering if they were choosing their will or his!

God meets you where you are, when you turn to him, then He gives you beauty for your ashes. Things happen because you choose his way or your way, second by second day by day. When you’re on track and fully submitted to his will, you will live how he wants you to live. When you choose your will, and realize what you’re doing is wrong, he meets you where you are at. When you turn from your way, (aka repentance) Thats when he puts you back on the right path.

When you take ownership you realize, you can’t be focused on fear and faith at the same time. You’re going to choose one or the other daily. Several times God gives orders in scripture, man choose his own way, and he meets them where they are at. It’s literally the whole entire book. Man chooses flesh, God sets them straight, repeat. God tells Isreal do this, they don’t do it, they repent, he blesses them. You think he wanted them to mess up? No! He wants to bless them, but just as we do, we pursue our own ways, and then ask God to bless them.

Long segway, but I hope it was useful. Point is, how many times have you been given a vision, or felt the feeling and didn’t act? In my experience, JUST MY PERSONAL experience, everything God calls me to do, is wildly uncomfortable, and he always places me in a positions that my faith is required to go further than my flesh has ever been capable of. Meaning, God gives me visions that I cannot complete on my own, that I have to overcome fear, walk in faith, and be wildly dependent on him to complete the mission. Period.

So, what calling has you placed on your heart that you haven’t been listening to? Are you so far past having them that you don’t even ask God anymore? Are you just focused on, watch over my family, help me make it through this work day, get a decent spot at the mall, next promotion, and don’t let me get stuck in traffic?

Or is it, God you know what I’m going through, if you would just give me a sign, I’ll do whatever you tell me? But, then you don’t read the Bible enough to realize, he’s already given you the sign, your mission, purpose and calling, and you would just rather wait on magic to drop from the sky, settling for comfort and complacent over sacrifice and obedience?

Come on bro!! Excuses are void in the kingdom of heaven, act like you knew! Don’t be the guy who gets so far off path that you say you believe, but don’t seek Gods will daily, so you walk around professing God, but living nothing like what he’s called you to live. You’re better than that.

So, what’s the answer to this ridiculously long blog?

Fully submit yourself to Gods will daily, no matter how crazy it may seem to others. Use me as an example if you need to. If you know me, I’m not the trophy boy for exceptional Christian. I’m what most churches would call a heretic, a false profit, or lost in sin. Yet, all I eat sleep and breathe is doing Gods will daily. My point is, people will always have an opinion, even the people who thought they were closest to God, killed his son, and the prophets who came before him! Christ rebelled against their man made religion, called them a brood of vipers, prob some more stuff, and then went on to reveal love, care, generosity, forgiveness, and compassion! A little different example than what they had set. He goes on to show mercy trumps sacrifice, and forgiveness and love conquers all. He literally displayed the example of what it means to be his disciple for all to see, when he picked up his cross, took on the sin of judging hypocrites, and said “Father forgive them, they know not what they do!”

Yet in this world, being a true disciple is a stumbling block for most religious people. It’s the very ones who claim to know him the most, that continuously persecute his elect. So, if you don’t look like mans religious church, and you don’t look like the world, you might just find that your walking on the narrow path with Jesus, that he himself said very few will find.

So don’t choose the ways of the world and they will hate you. Don’t seek to align yourself with mans religious customs and narrow viewpoint, they will hate you too.

For they fear what they don’t know, and kill what they can’t understand. Blind guides, full of judgment, an outward display of selfish insecurity, masquerading itself as righteousness. They’ve been judging themselves their whole life, because it is all they’ve known to do. Some past judgment on the world, others understand the word enough that they don’t pass judgment on the world, but comprehend the word enough to pass judgment on the church. Yet when they do so its a perversion, because they do not know love, so they lack the truth. They themselves can’t even look in the mirror and love themselves, so they cannot rightly ever loves others! When they look in the mirror they see sin and not their savior. So they outwardly reflect their shortcomings onto others. Claiming to be free, yet they tie a burdensome yoke onto others that they themself cannot carry, because they have skeletons they cannot bury. Depraved bunch in high positions, appearing to be Shepard’s, but they are like chaff in the wind, being thrown to and fro, judgment to judgment. If the words I speak aren’t from God himself, then let this day be held in account for all to see, so that the motives of my heart be displayed for all to bear witness.

Take the time to seek his will, and you to will find yourself on a similar path. But in this walk of righteousness remember, God won’t place a calling in your heart and not give you the ability to see it through. You just have to have the courage to bring it to fruition.

So in closing, are you choosing comfort or your calling? Search your heart man of GOD, the end has yet to come. Will you have the courage to follow his will? Fear is for the fire lake, be bold and courageous, you’ve been called to go and spread the good news of the gospel, baptize in the name of The Father, The Son, and the Holy Spirit! You have been commissioned!

Stop looking for the approval of man, and rest assure in your approval and right standing in God through Christ, who sacrificed everything for you to be set free! Let God himself be the only judge you consider in your pursuit of his calling. Go to where the pastors don’t preach, and where the teachers won’t teach. Go be a light in dark in the dark, a city on a hill for all to see. Stop settling for tradition, and go complete Gods mission! May his spirit rage inside of you, calling you to relentless actions of faith, being bold as to laugh in the face of fear, and courageously walk out your destiny. God be with you always even until the end of this age. Don’t do, be. because you already are.

From the front lines, -ES

[archivedatl]

AP web exclusive: All Time Low tour diary

Posted by Scott Heisel on 08-Dec-06 @ 04:43 PM

Last month, Baltimore pop-punkers All Time Low took to the road with Sugarcult for a series of shows on the West Coast. Here's some of what they saw, in words and pictures. Learn more at www.alltimelow.com.

#1------------------------------------------------------------ Ooohooo So last night we celebrated two awesome occasions...well 3 since matt's molars finally grew in...anyways yesterday was Haloween and our first night of our tour with Sugarcult. I must say, it is pretty strange touring with a band who I spent the better years of my middle school life watching on MTV. Regardless of where this band has been, it definetly didn't eff with their personalities. They were all super nice to us and each came up and introduced themselves. The show went pretty well but it wasn't a good judgement of our the whole tour is going to be because Sugarcult didn't even headline, the Eagles Of Death Metal did, and the tickets for $25 on Haloween night :) I'm sorry but I would never go to a show if those were the circumstances...I'd be out expanding my collection of holiday treats. Tonight the 'real' tour begins so we will see how it goes. We are playing Washington State University in Pullman Washington. We haven't done too many college shows, so this should be interesting...anyways before we got on the road a couple days ago we were couped up in Ben Harper's (formely of yellowcard, now in amber pacific) house/studio in long beach, CA working on our new CD :). We demoed some hot licks that were going to send over to our producer matt squire so that he can put in some input. I heard my blogs are going to be posted on the Alternative Press website for this tour, so if that's the case then...helll yeah! Well I just woke up from sleeping in the van so I am gonna walk out into the freezing streets of Pullman, WA crack my back and grab some Qudoba. Much Love, Jack --jbstar #2------------------------------------------------------------ Yoo dooodds, So I'm gonna update you guys on the passed couple shows...on Wednsday we played Washington State University. Those kids are freaking crazy! Everyone seemed to be having a good time and we made some awesome new friends. I cannot stress enough, how cool the Sugarcult guys are. Which is really cool because I have been listening to those guys since 6th grade! Anyways before we played, matt thought it would be a good idea to have a fork and knife fight backstage...yeah it turned pretty ugly and we should have some footage online soon enough. That night we partied at 'The Christmas House'. Lets just say that I'm pretty sure alex made out with a dog...I really miss Hit The Lights :( Anways...we played Seattle after the college show and it was offf the hoooook. Everyone in the room was dancing and it got pretty redic. As soon as we told them the alex/dog story they went nuts. We met up with the Pink Spiders that night. We were nervous about that because we've heard some stuff...but for real those guys are the shit. There all super nice and we have no complaints about them. We have yet to tour with a band who we don't get along with (fingers crossed). We also heard that we may be doing a few shows with Cobra Starship in Dec, if that happends that would be sick. I'll keep you guys updated. Someone made us a bucket of the craziest donuts ive ever seen at the portland show last night!! They were reallly good. Sorry for the lack of pics, I'll make sure my next post has more, its just hard to take good pics on a sidekick :). Talk to you guys soon!!Jacko #3------------------------------------------------------------ Yo Babaayyss, Last nights show was off the hook! I love playing at The Boardwalk in orangevale calii. The crowd was as wild as usual and a bunch of kids were singing along. A lot of the same kids who saw us there on the Amber Pacific tour came back. Its always cool to see so many familiar faces,,,cough cough hint hint nudge...you get the idea folks! The next couple shows should be interesting...reno and vegas. I wont be able to gamble but at least ill be able to look at a lot of lights. We all have family comming out, so that should be exciting. I havent seen my brother and sister in ages and i know their gonna be wasted so that means they will be even more friendly :) Also Meg n Dia join up in vegas which is sick, SO SIKED FOR THAT!!! We met them on warped and their super nice. anyways i think its time, i go to In and Out because after this tour im not going to be able to go back for a while :( im going to eat there everyday twice a day until we leave Arizona. Ive attached pics from our set on the Epitaph stage at this years Bamboozle Left and also some pics of our acoustic set the 2nd day! Thanks to everyone who watched us either/both days :) love you peace peace n a bottle o' hair grease, jack #4------------------------------------------------------------ Wow...vegas has to be one of the strangest places on this earth. First of all we showed up in Reno (shity city) only to find that only sugarcults crew was there and the show probably wasnt going on. We were welcomed by a hooker in a pink tanktop and no teeth asking if we had any shirts we could give her...Thankfully we have power windows and middle fingers. Thankfully zack was asleep or he might have took her up on some of her offers...he's getting desperate you know..just kidding! Anyways we decided to hang out with sugarcults crew for a little then start the drive to vegas early since it was 8 house. We got to go over the Hoover Damn which was sweet. It's seriously Vegas Vacation all over again! Anyways, we got to vegas around midnight and it was a fantastic site! My bro and sis were staying at the MGM so thats where i headed. Rian to the Excalibur, Alex and Matt to the Venecian and Zack to the Luxor. We all split up and hung out with our fam for the evening. My brother took me around vegas and boyyy was it interesting. I was approached by numerous drunk people. It was basically like an Ocean City, Maryland for older people. It's just a place for adults to drink, walk around drunk, act like teenagers and maybe gamble a bit here n' there. it was Akward to say the least. Anyways the next day was the show at the House Of Blues at Mandalay Bay...probably one of the nicest venues we have ever played. We introduced ourselves to the Meg n Dia folks and got to know our new tour mates as we shared a dressing room. We soon found they are awesome people and they share a love for getting wild! The show was pretty cool, and the crowd was big. It was weird though because the merch was not in the venue, it was in the cassino haha. Anyways Vegas was an experience we wont forget, and I cant wait till we go there again. I hope the next time we go, were 21...actually nevermind because that would be three years :)stay rad, Jack #5------------------------------------------------------------ Lame! Tonight was our last show on the Sugarcult Tour featuring The Pink Spiders and Meg n Dia :( Damone will be taking our place on this great lineup. I am jelous that they get to join up! Anyways we made some lifetime friends on this tour and it was a great experience for everyone. Every single show was amazing and the fans never let us down. Traveling to bumfuck arizona and hearing a couple hundred kids sing your song is the coolest feeling ever. Sugarcult was very warming towards us and their personalities suprised the shit out of me. they were such cool guys and even when zack was sick they made him soup and gave him Emergen-C. WHO DOES THAT !?!? Thats like something my mom does...so in a way Sugarcult are our parents. They actually reffered to us as their younger brothers on stage. At the last show of the tour in Little Rock, Arkansas us and Meg n Dia ran on stage during "Bouncing Off the Walls" and started bouncing around and took over Tim's Guitar n Mic, Marko's (my twin) guitar and Airens Bass. It was so fun to bro down with a band that ive been listening to since middle school haha. Alex also got to soundcheck with sugarcult at Texas AM College because tim was at the hospital taking care of his sickness (i think he had a nasty cold). It was so crazy to see alex soundcheck with a band who for the past few years have held a special spot on my ipod and in my cd player :) I attached a pic of him sound-checking for fun. At the end of the show we said our goodbyes and gave our hugs. This is'nt the end of these friendships though, only the beggining...now we head home to write a new cd. Catch us on the road in the northeast in december when we head out with Cobra Starship! Stay safe, Jack

[luvknow]

under the cut is all 30-ish asks LOL i’ve tagged those who didn’t go on anon!! if i missed anyone, im sorry ;;;;;

1.  I think Lisa's fully thai and pretty sure Yeri (I'm assuming red velvet's) is fully korean, but I completely agree with you about Lana! I don't understand the support for a fully white person in kpop- like why??? Also I think Somi not being supported has to do more with 'oh look this popular girl was on sixteen/produce so lets just hate on her'- doesn't make sense. And your post on asian eyes is soo true!! Like got bullied over 'chinky' eyes but a white person having them is celebrated.

ahhh ok i thought lisa was half because her last name doesn’t sound thai, but i could just be ignorant! and yeri hm does she have a step parent? someone told me her dad was an actor or something but anyways!! and with somi yeah i think it could be that too :/ one time i saw a white person cosplay at this anime convention and they taped their eyes and i................ wanted to die...........LOL

2.  !!! I literally sent another an to someone about this (I don't know if my asks keep getting eaten or if no one wants to respond 😞) but like she's apparently gotten surgery to look more Korean 🙄🙄 however she doesn't look Korean at all in her music video. Also yeah she can kinda sing but it's not anything special at all. Also the dancing.. apparently she's "classically" trained... when I watched her dance I was so confused because I expected more - pt.1 soz /  But it didn't seem like she knew how to follow a simple routine at all. I'm classically trained and it's hard work so to me it's kinda insulting that she thinks she can lie about that??? Maybe she isn't but.. Also this song isn't catchy and the lyrics are ? V questionable. Anyways that my two cents, take it as you will. - pt.2

i hope the surgery thing isn’t true, i won’t believe it until i see evidence or something but......... thassa no.......................................... classically trained sounds like that takes yeeeaarrrss to do, i hope she didn’t lie about that cuz like what’s the point in lying skjdskjd

3.  Kpop is literally for asians.. It's an Asian genre catering to Asian people... Idk why white people decided to come in and why this Lana girl feels the need to debut as an idol. Honestly, kpop for me (as an Asian) was the one place I could go to and be surrounded by other Asians, who appreciate OTHER ASIANS and their music. I'm tired of white people coming in and taking things that don't belong to them... like just go debut in Russia or America if they want to debut so badly...

I FUCKING!!!!! I’m SAYING UGH LIKE I DON’T GET WHY IT HAS TO BE K-POP OUT OF ALL GENRES?????????????? couldn’t she have like.... debuted and then worked with k-pop artists like that’s a collaborative effort on both ends rather than her appropriating ugh i just.......... it does Not make sense.

4.  @miniwaves​ Who is this Lana and why are they letting a fully WHITE person debut in an ASIAN group??? As an Asian I feel very offended, this is something that is important to our culture and something we have that is separate from other countries... but sure go ahead and let someone not of that culture join just because it's "good publicity". Freaking heck...

i think she’s debuting as a soloist, i could be wrong, but even if it was a group i just.... don’t like it and it doesn’t make sense to me and yeah i agree i think it’s insulting to those who have a personal connection as an asian to have someone not asian take advantage of the rise in kpop like this.

5.  okay i looked up lana and watched her live and it was not pretty to see or listen to... as an asian i feel weird seeing a white person in a kpop/asian industry... it's very cringy to watch too...

it’s weird, i think it’s kinda gross, and yeah i bet it’s a lil cringey lol

6.  no offense to lana but i don’t think you’d wanna hear her sing,,,, there’s that one group (z-girls??) with all asians like thai, indonesian, indian, japanese, filipino, but people are mad bc they should classify as kpop bc they’re not korean. but ppl are supporting lana even tho she’s also not korean, because it gives them hope that they can also be kpop idols and be with their oppas

YES Z-GIRLS :(((( WHERE IS THERE ATTENTION?? a colorful group of beautiful ASIAN women trying to make it in an ASIAN industry but you never hear about them why???????? like none of this is fair lmao omfg your last statement Stop.... spill the tea sis...........

7.  as a run-of-the-mill white person... I don’t get why anyone who is white feels the need to perform in kpop or become a kpop artist because they have their own culture/country/industry/ whatever tf that they can make music and perform in?? That’s all music is, really, an industry and I can understand wanting to be involved in some way but just singing in Korean shouldn’t be enough for you to be deemed a “kpop artist”

“run of the mill white person” omg please lol and oooo i think your last statement is very interesting because what really constitutes as a kpop artist these days, especially if the idol is asian but not korean, you know? but yes, thank you for addressing that white people have their own music industry skjdalkjds

8.  YES EXACTLY like i have a Very Chinese name and i didn't start becoming cool with it until i got into exo m because yifan luhan zitao yixing!! so even though i'm into other groups too, exo will always have a special place in my heart. and same, i used to get made fun of for liking kpop but look at us now

that’s beautiful that kpop can really do that and make non-korean asians feel included in some form you know?? i love it!!

9.  everybody gave that alex reid girl TONS of shit for being a black kpop idol when she was in rania, but now that lana has debuted, she gets all of the love and support and i'm just like ????? freaking flabbergasted by this whole thing :'(

i had to look her up, but that’s so unfortunate and unfair that the backlash only happened to someone who was black, but wasn’t as severe for lana like.... pick a side, you either don’t want non-asians in kpop period or you do like don’t be colorist about it.

10. Yours and that last anon's message about being asian resonated so much

i couldn’t remember which one it was LOL but i’m glad you can relate to us!!

11. i'm kinda curious why lana didn't just stay in russia and start her career there instead of coming to korea, learning korean, and having to go through the whole training process when staying in her home country would have been easier but it's like she knows how popular kpop is now worldwide and is trying to profit and get famous off the hard work of the other groups who had to struggle in order to get kpop recognized in other countries but that's just my opinion

i don’t completely agree with the first part, simply because non-korean asians did all the training and learning korean to become a kpop artist rather than staying in china/thailand/america, BUT i fully agree with that last part like so many idols outside the big 3 and other well known companies are struggling right now.......... and then she swoops in and is getting more attention that most groups like ok..

12. @hnlix  i just think it's really funny how some non-asian people really just wanna talk abt how they feel abt having a full white kpop idol & how good it is .... like..... ok lol !!!!!

girl the way i eye rolled............ im pressed LMAO

13.  white people wanna be oppressed so bad lmaoooo

LIKE WHY THO LMAOOO

14. i hate how asian oppression is largely ignored but once we stand up for ourselves we're making a big deal or being sensitive if you're not asian don't tell us how to feel

LMAO omg it’s cuz we’re “submissive & too sensitive” LMAO like no bitch!!!!

15. Any white kpop fan who is trying to tell an Asian how they're supposed to feel about a music genre that is meant for Asians, created by asians, and catered to ASIAN people who go right f*** off

TELL EM SIS

16.  I think Lisa isn't half white just her stepfather is white I believe

AH OK!!! makes a lot of sense!

17. Lol I’m so sorry you’re getting these white Kpop fans coming here acting all oppressed and calling your opinion invalid. I also got a bunch of these yesterday when I voiced out my opinion- lost a bunch of followers but oh well. These are probably the same fans who low key also want to become idols- smh 🤦🏻‍♀️

losing followers over your feelings of oppression is just natural selection at its finest babie, we in dis together!!!!!!!!!!! that last sentence............ spill the tea sis..........

18. All ur saying is that white people dont belong in an Asian industry lmao idk what anon is getting so worked up about. You’re not even making fun of her ur just stating the facts. There’s a difference

thank you like i didn’t say white people deserve to die or that i called her ugly LOL i just don’t want her in this industry!!!!!!!!

19. @jisungs-veterinar  So i know about Rania she's mixed black but not asian. She is very cute and nice and she got into the industry without any type of talent she just liked songwriting and the agency scouted her without audition but things were good and there wasnt hate from what i saw. But Lana is just a white girl who likes kpop and knows how to dance(nothing special believe me)and just barely learned to sing.Just because daddy has money she got here because she appeared in some kshows.She has no right to be here /  Therefore i just wanna say i agree with you and it angers me so much that Lana is here in kpop ALLOWED to be and ugh

i see, well a lot of kpop artists get their songs from other non-asian artists too. i just don’t like the idea of non-asians considered as idols, even rania, but i’m confused cuz some people are saying she got a lot of hate and some are saying she didn’t but regardless it seems like lana is getting some special treatment and it’s not right. but it’s all heresay i suppose idk kasjdlka

20. okay wow that one anon basically saying that whites are being oppressed?? no. im mixed but i’m ridiculously white passing, most people don’t believe me when i tell them that i’m half chinese but once they hear it, all of the asian jokes come out and i’m reduced to the stereotype of one of my heritages. so please anon, be quiet. also it makes total sense for someone to not be for a white person, or any person who isn’t asian that means alex (i think it’s alex) as well and i’m running out of space /  im continuing lmao from that last ask. kpop/jpop/cpop are specific genres of music that originate from these countries and from the people in these countries. it’s one of the very few ways that asians get recognition and now it’s on a global scale that their effort are being seen so no imo i don’t think that non asians should be coming into the industry. if a nonasian wants to be an artist in a pop genre? please stick to just pop and if you want to show appreciation for these languages and -

one drop of blood that isn’t white and ppl reduce you to that thinking you are lower than they are but then once that drop of blood is popping and flourishing they wanna take advantage of that and it’s hurtful ugh!!! AND YES LIKE ASIANS ARE FINALLY GETTING SOME FORM OF RECOGNITION even if it is asian pop it’s a step forward imo like where else do we get recognized by the masses?

21. the thing is white people already have so much representation in western media. kpop is something uniquely asian and i feel like it would sort of ruin it if white people or other races started trying to debut as idols. i don’t know i don’t want to be exclusive or whatever you would call it, but it just doesn’t seem right in my opinion.

i agree!! it’s something that’s unique to asia/asians and by adding non-asians to the mix i feel like it reduces it’s authenticity and dilutes the pop culture to something other than kpop

22. I see where you’re coming from 100%. Like if some white person tried to enter the Mexican industry(?) I’d be like “wtf” too.

LOL thank you for agreeing jashdajh

23. *filipino/dark skinned kpop idol* KpOp iS oNlY fOr AsIaNs nOt FoR anYoNe ElsE *white asian lookin idol* hmm yea we nees the diversity y'all stop being racist 😏

LMAO PLEASE u tell em sis!!!!!!!!!!! the day a filipino makes it into kpop i will cry

24. Why did nobody back up exp edition as much as this chick?? The clowns y'all are 2day.......

LMFAO...................... it’s cuz she’s a girl and i’m sure most of these anons are girls and you know how it goes................................... lana gives them hope KLJDLKSJDSL

25. @virgolix hi mori 🐥 just wanted to join in as well. & i think i see where ur coming from. from my understanding, it has always been hard to for asians to have proper representation in western media. & that must be why a lot of people are having a hard time supporting lana. she (a non-asian) can make her debut in korea, but not it's not so easy vice versa. how many asian pop musicians do we see who are based in america? few & far between. that's why kpop is so valuable to the asian community 💞 -virgolix / also no pressure to answer that mori & if any bit sounded ignorant - please let me know. always willing to learn 🧸 - virgolix

no no you’re not ignorant at all miss neenz!!! i agree, it will be hard for her, and i hope she’s ready for all the hardships that come with being a non-asian in the kpop industry. and yes, asians don’t get many opportunities in the west for entertainment, and when they do show up it’s a great feeling and accomplishment and step forward for us!! for a long long time, kpop idols and kdrama actors were all i had to look up to, and i’m not even korean lol.

26. @jxsng people really be making discourse about this ??? it’s true though — like z girls and z boys ??? where’s the korean media about them ????? and other asian idols too — there’s a reason why there’s usually only chinese japanese and korean idols , but suddenly white people can come in and everyone fine just because ??? wasn’t there black idols who failed in the industry bc of racism in the past ?????

i didn’t know there was a zboys!!! zgirls weren’t my style, but it’s sad lie where is their attention ://// i’m not so sure about the last part? there was this one rapper who was half black half korean tho who got attention at one point but i dont think she made it big..... i cant remember her name!! :(

27. ok so im only here for that one ask talking abt black kpop idols and i might not know all black kpop idols but the one i know who is the first non asian person to debut in kpop, has said it herself that she wasnt opressed in anyway, glorified even. so idk what theyre talking abt? also i dont like lana not bc she debuted in kpop as a white person but bc its obv that she did it w koreaboo intentions? everything abt her screams koreaboo and im just speechless lol

ah that’s interesting!! idk her story tho. that’s what i think about her too, like why..... does she look like she passes for half asian.... but she isn’t.... and it rubs me the wrong way. but i just also don’t like that she’s white...

28. i honestly find it kinda stupid how ppl are treating this situation. i dont like lana but honestly other races being in kpop shouldnt be such a big issue? if a company wants to debut a nonasian person it shouldnt be our issue? i dont think its anything evil. i just dont like lana because she seems to be trying to look and force the idea that she is asian? if a nonasian person will debut in kpop they should at least have a character of their own yk

you give a really interesting point and i think a lot of my feelings DO stem from her looking asian when she’s not, rather than her just being non asian and trying to make it into kpop, but for a very long time i only had kpop idols to really feel like it was ok to be asian and idrk where i’m going with this LOL but idk i still don’t like the idea of non-asians in kpop, etc. so idk. am i ignorant for feeling this way?

29. people will never understand that white ppl can't be oppressed and poc can't b racist towards white ppl, we can discriminate and be Rude but that's It. fans only think about this One white girl trying to make it in an industry where she doesn't rly belong, but looking at this in terms of society as a whole, it Is a problem. when poc have something that belongs to Them, white people always want in.

UGH LIKE i feel like people are thinking that i legitimately hate this one girl and that’s it like no i don’t hate her, i hate that she and everyone who is supporting her don’t understand where people who are affected by this are coming from and it’s like no one is listening............................. 

30.  anon is kinda stupid ngl how r u gonna say we’re being racist to white people it’s not possible 😭😭😭 u guys really want everything don’t u 😭😭😭

LMAAAAAAAOOOOOO  KJFLKSFJ

31. lana is just a big kboo n all the ppl that support her are just wee little kboos in the making

KJDLKSJDSLKJSLDJ LOOOOOL

32. idk what’s going with this whole thing but, you’re totally right, i’m white and white people ARE NOT oppressed. why are people getting salty abt it?

i literally don’t know LMAO LIKE I’M BEING RACIST FOR DEFENDING SOMETHING THAT WHITE PEOPLE ARE TRYNA DIP THEIR FEET IN WHERE I THINK THEY DON’T BELONG????????? ok

33. either way lana is a whole ass kboo and can’t even perform soo

omg i have never watched her but ajksldjalksdjnasdnasnd

[go-diane-winchester]

If you don't like Misha, this post might make you smirk.

I did this post yesterday and then deleted it because the OP made me feel sorry for her.  Luckily for me, someone reblogged it and my momentary stupidity is now remedied.  This whole scenario makes me smirk. 

Yesterday's post:

Doll face found @dean-supernatural-akf ranting in the main tags, including the Jensen tag, which is why she forwarded this biased drivel to me.  Thanks sweetie.  I scrolled though OPs blog, trying to figure this person out, because she ships wincest and destiel, apparently.  And she hates the haters.  It is convenient and dismissive to label those who don’t agree with you, don’t you think?  Label them rather than proving them wrong conclusively, because that would be difficult and you might lose the argument because of a lack of intelligence.  So call them names and be done with it.  Her rant is in italics, and my rebuttal in bold.

Rude and Missunderstood.

I CAN LIKE MISHA COLLINS AS AN HUMAN AND ACTOR WITHOUT BEING ONE OF HIS MINIONS.

Shocking right?

Here have a seat and lean back.

Very recently i got heavily missunderstood, and i’m making this post so it won’t happen again.

I asked someone if their blog is real . Because it was so full of hate against this actor named Misha Collins.

This guy right here, and I bet when you are one of the anti misha people then you even share the same look on your face right now, congrats.

Listen… I love JENSEN and i love JARED. And yes i love MISHA too.

But i don’t follow him around like a dog, i don’t kiss the ground where hes walking on.

AND i also don’t do this with J2.

Why is it that when there is an entire blog dedicated to hate for Jensen or Jared, there is no bleeding heart rant like this about that blogger?  But if you write a blog about all the mean things Misha and his fans do, you are a “horrible human being” with “toxicity and hate in your heart”.  No, I would prefer to call it discernment.  I wont like someone just because “it SPNFamily darn it, haters don’t belong”.  So if Misha gives me consistent reasons to hate him, I am still not allowed to hate him because I will be ejected from SPNFamily?  What is this?  A communist fanbase?  Nobody is allowed to have their own opinions?  Everybody must think the same way and feel the same fairytale happy feelings?  Which dandelion world did you pop up from?

I fight for all of them, i fight against the hate that all of those three get and Misha gets more hate then J2 and thats a fact.

Misha gets more hate?  Really?  You mean like death threats?  Like people tweeting him directly that they wish he was dead?  That kind of hate?  Please, show me where the hate is.  Bring me your receipts.  I want to see all the hate that Misha gets. 

And it’s so fucking unfair, i have seen blogs and people that wish that he would die, a man with two children and wife.

This is so sick and it’s so not okay.

Prove it.  Screenshot and show me where all these horrible people are.  I will put it in a post.  I always do.  The death threats and death wishes for J2 have been screenshotted and are on my blog.  So I have proof for my claims.  Bring the proof for your claims.  Its called making mature statements.  Quantifying your claims.  So please, set me straight.  Show me all the nastiness poor Misha gets.  I would like to see it. 

About the Misha minions, MISHA ISNT THE ONLY ONE WITH MINIONS.

Shocking again, right ?

From under which rock did you emerge?  Misha named his fans minions.  Very disrespectful.  No other actor has ’‘minions’’.  Benedict Cumberbatch didn’t like his fans referring to themselves as Cumberb*tches.  I respect him for that.  Misha did the opposite.   Shocking, right?

The people who only love J2 hate on Misha. And the people who love all of them hate back against the anti Misha people.

That is an incredibly simplistic way of putting it.  And it gives me the impression that this rant was written by someone who is young and idealistic in their notion of how the world works.  How come you don’t talk about the people who like Jensen and Misha and therefore hate Jared?  You cant.  You cant because that would be problematic to the narrative you are vomiting right now.  Those cockles perverts are the ones that tweet him, telling him that that they cant wait for him to die.  Receipts on my blog. 

The way you support J2 is the same way that Misha’s people support him.

Actually no, J2 fans don’t get angry when Misha is interviewed for Elle magazine, yelling “where’s J2”.  They don’t ask “Whose line is it,anyway?” why they excluded J2.  They don’t threaten to burn Misha alive in his house for being anti-destiel and/or making a joke about Jensen.  That happened with Jensen.  I have the receipts.  The same group were discussing kidnapping Jared’s kids.  That group was made up of 3500 people.  So many haters slipped up your radar?  Well, now you know. 

Minions and bitchy people are EVERYWHERE.

It is such a useless fight, don’t like someone?

THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT.

Yeah, take a page out of your own book.  If you don’t like the “haters”, as you dismissively call them, then don’t put this incorrect, unsubstantiated, unquantifiable rant in the main tags.  In fact, keep your uninformed opinion to yourself. 

What you do when you hate someone so badly and make a whole tumblr Blog about it then you are not better as those highschool bullies.

Dealing with the entire subject of hate, in the most abstract manner, without any analysis into your darling actor’s bad behavior and without taking into account the nasty behavior of his fandom, shows that high school is all you know.  Hopefully, one day you will grow up and think on broader terms. 

Cyberbullying is a serious subject, and thats exactly what you do with Hate Blogs and Hate tweets and Hate comments.

Keep using the word “hate”.  It will abrogate all the legitimate anger that the J2 fans have against Misha and his hellerminions.  Hellers are the biggest cyberbullies in fandom.  They sent hate directly to J2.  Some of the things they write will shock a person who has a real disdain to hate, not a daffodil like you who thinks Misha is infallible and doesn’t deserve an anti tag.  One said that she couldn’t wait for Jared to die.  And she tweeted that directly to Jared, along with a praying emoji.  Oh, you don’t know about that?  Well, then I guess you are not an authority on who is SPNFamily and who is not, now are you? 

You want to be a bully ? You love spreading hate ?

THEN JUST FUCKING BLOCK ME AND DON’T REPLY TO THIS.

Don’t reply to this?  Then why put it in the main tags, as well as inappropriate tags, and still hope that nobody disagree with you.  Aren’t we childish? 

What happened after the post was put up:

She DM's me and says that she has since changed her mind because she did another post about the hate that J2 get, and if I could please remove my post, because she was suffering panic attacks over it.  I said I would, but she is going to remove the above misleading post and provide me with proof that Misha gets death threats.  Caught between a rock and a hard place, she said that she came across the death threats on two blogs, that had blocked her for some mysterious reason, which is why she couldn't screenshot the evidence.  I found what those reasons were, when I went to those blogs: 

@castiel-needs-2-go

@destiew-must-go

I searched through their blogs, and found nothing.  No death threats.  They just point out the truth about Misha.  That is it.  She accused them for nothing.  Of course, that didn't occur to me until today, because I still felt concerned for her because the poor kid was suffering panic attacks.  So I deleted the post.  Today I find this message from her:

''So i asked like 10 different people Misha stans and Misha haters about those things you said he did. Nobody has ever heard of it, no one. You are telling your lies man, i aint stopping ya. But you are a horrible person if you need to attack a 19 year old on the Internet and 'Call me out' just because it gives you a kick. And just because you disagreed. My post will stay deleted because it wasnt up to Date anymore, but it wont be my last one. People like you need to be stopped, people like you are the reason why this fandom sucks so hard. Bye Bye. You are the sick one here .''

The weird thing is she attached this gif:

I don't know whether she thought it was going to hurt my feelings or something but, it actually helps to show her true identity.  She is not a wincest fan.  She is a Sam-hating heller in disguise.  Who would have thunk it? 

[psychospeak-blog]

Won’t Go Slowly // 3

One // Two

A/N: Who am I posting two updates to separate fics in one day?  I don’t know, but it just happened.  Shorter one.

The next time you woke, your eyes felt a little less heavy, and you were starting to feel a little gross with having been in bed for days.  Marshall was still in bed next to you, and you smiled again, rolling over and grabbing your phone.  You hadn't looked at it since probably yesterday, and saw that Tyler had actually texted you a couple of times before he'd come over to ask if you needed anything.  

Thank you 😊 you typed.   Almost immediately, you received a response a simple 'yw'.

You also replied to your friend Danielle's text, letting you know she was going to be stopping by this evening to drop something off.

You were scrolling through Amazon, contemplating which book you should buy for your Kindle, when a knock sounded at the door.  You stood up from the bed, padding to go answer It, and revealing your sister, Nicole, a backpack slung over her arm.

"Since when do you have a dog?" She asked, and you looked over your shoulder to see Marshall had followed you out of the bedroom.

"That's Marshall," you said, but her face still looked confused, "he's Tyler's." " Oh," she nodded, setting her bag down, and bending over to pet the brown Lab when he went over to greet the new person.  "What's he doing here?"

"Tyler brought him over," you answered, but her eyes widened.   "He gave you his dog?!"

" No, Nic, he did not give me his dog," you said, and then stopped because you didn't quite know how to put it into words, "he loaned me his dog."

"I still don't know why you're still friends with him, other than the dogs.  He's a douche."

"He is not a douche," you laughed, because this seemed to be an ongoing debate that you had, where she'd mentioned something she'd read or heard that you knew 100% wasnt true.  Although, sometimes it was, but it was only because of poor decision making skills or misinterpretations rather than douche-like tendencies.  "You've met him before, anyways."

"He seemed like a douche in high school, too."

"Do you know any guy who went to our high school who didn't act like a douche at some point?" You asked, and watched as she thought it over and failed to come up with a response, laughing as you disappeared into the bathroom.   You had finished washing your hands and had opened the bathroom door when you heard, "Ummm....y/n?"

You followed your sister's voice to the kitchen, first seeing a leash and the muffins you had made when you were at Tyler's house sitting in a plastic container on your kitchen table.  You rounded the corner, and your sister was standing in front of the fridge, her arm out as if she was presenting it.  You noticed  a few of the bright pink and blue post-it notes you kept on your counter stuck on the fridge.

"Open This" read one, and then there was one right underneath it that just had a huge arrow pointing to the handle on the door.  You opened the fridge, and right in front you saw a plastic take-out container with what looked like soup in it and, next to it, a plastic cup from your favourite juice place nearby the university holding some type of smoothie, complete with a straw sticking out of it.  You raised your eyebrows, and shut the fridge door and then squatted down in front of the freezer drawer.  "The good shit's in here" was written across two post-it because he apparently couldn't write small enough to fit it on one.  You pulled the drawer open, and you saw the box of popsicles he had mentioned earlier, as well as a carton of Ben & Jerry's.  And it was even the non-dairy kind.

"Not a douche," you said, grinning triumphantly as you stood back up.   There was another knock on your door then, and both you and your sister yelled "It's open," simultaneously.

A moment later, Danielle stepped into your kitchen, and she had a pot of soup in her arms.  "What are you...?" She looked at the fridge, and then at Marshall, who'd she met before actually, having come over to Tyler's with you a couple of times.  She opened the fridge, setting the pot on a shelf.  "Looks like someone beat me to it."

"Not a douche," you repeated, and then you noticed Danielle's confused face and explained, "Nicole thinks he's a douche."

"He's really nice actually," Danielle said, and you made a face at your younger sister like 'see?'

You had some of the smoothie, because you had absolutely no appetite but knew you needed to eat something.  Danielle offered to help you with anything while she was over, and you admitted that you would really, really appreciated some help to wash your hair since you couldn't shower or bathe yet.  So she was washing your hair in the kitchen sink, which took an extreme amount of conditioner since your hair was completely a mess of knots.  It was slightly painful, but you actually felt a lot better once it was done.  You were in your bedroom, getting changed into a clean pair of pajamas when there was yet another knock on your door.  

You heard a murmur of voices, and then a unmistakable whistle.  You were opening your bedroom door, as your sister was passing by, telling you "'Not a douche' is here."

Tyler was standing in your doorway, Cash next to him on a leash, and Marshall, who you'd heard him whistle for earlier, greeting his brother. You and Danielle exchanged a knowing look, and you had to bite your lip to try not to laugh.  

"What did she say?" Tyler asked you. "Don't worry about it," you said, even though the three of you were laughing quietly, looking away from him.

"Oh-kay..." he said, his voice high and skeptical, "Girls are weird." You just laughed, raising your brows.  "What are you doing here?" "Trading you," he said, gesturing to the dogs at his feet. "Huh?"

"I'm taking him," he said, gesturing at Marshall, "And giving you him," he gestured at Cash. "Why?" you laughed, even as you crouched down to unclasp Cash from his leash.

"Because then you have a dog at all times and don't have to worry about taking them out," he said, as if it was obvious.

"So, what you're just gonna keep switching me dogs?" "Maybe," he said playfully, "You can't have Gerry though." "Why not?"

"Because he's too hyper for you right now," he said, and your face drooped just a little bit when you remembered that you'd just had surgery. Somehow, you'd managed to forget for just a moment.

"Hey," you said softly, looking around to see that Danielle and Nicole were off in the kitchen, leaving you alone, and you looked up at Tyler's eyes, "Sorry for being so short with you earlier.  I know you were just trying to help.   I just, I was..."

He shrugged, interrupting you right then, "Don't worry about it.  You weren't feeling good.  It's understandable."

"Well," you corrected automatically, and he glared at you for a moment. "I am sorry though.  And thank you for stocking my fridge." "You don't have to apologize or thank me," he said, "You can give me a hug though."

You smiled, stepping into him, one hand going around your back and the other behind your head, pulling you to his chest.  You let your eyes shut for a moment, before you pulled apart.  

You thought he would leave afterwards, especially when your sister and Danielle declared that you should have a girl's night because, apparently, the new season of The Bachelorette was starting tonight but he just claimed that he loved girl's nights, although he did look briefly to you, as if to double check, and you shrugged, telling him he could stay if he really wanted to.  

And, of course, both of the dogs tried to jump on your sectional, your sister opting for the pouf you had in the corner of the room.   "Marshall, Cash, off," Tyler said sternly, snapping his fingers as you tried not to laugh when they ignored him.

"They can go on the couch, I don't care," you said.

Tyler had already plopped down on the corner of the couch, stretching his arm out over the back.  "I won't have anywhere to sit if they're on there," he complained, and then sort of rubbed his nose like he was getting a headache, "Also, can you try not to undermine my authority in front of them?"

"Okay," you laughed, sitting down next to him.  Your sister was giving you a weird look from across the room, so you asked her a quick, "what?"  but she just shook her head.

You watched The Bachelorette for awhile before you got up to get some ice cream.  Truthfully, it wasn't a show you would normally watch, but you really didn't have the mental capacity for anything else at the moment.

You sat back down on the couch, knees pulled into your chest as you ate your ice cream and listened to the commentary from your friends and sister.  Marshall was actually curled up next to your sister, while Cash was stretched out with his back against the couch under yours and Tyler's feet. 

Once you finished your ice cream, you set the bowl down on the table in front of you and then sat back, shivering slightly.

"Cold?" Tyler asked you softly, and you were certain you were the only one who could hear it.  You nodded.  With the cold ice cream and the fact that your hair was still wet, goosebumps were starting to break out over your arms.   He reached around you to grab the blanket that was behind your back, setting it down over you, and then kind of reached his arm around you, rubbing his hand up and down your arm as if to warm you up.  The next thing you knew, you were sort of laying sideways on the sectional, legs curled up beside you, leaning against Tyler.  Your eyes were starting to feel heavy again, and you knew you should probably lay down properly, but you couldn't really turn the other way since that was the side your incision was on.  So your cheek rested against his chest, and his shirt felt so soft against your skin, and he smelled warm and spicy, and something else you couldn't quite identify, so you just let your eyes shut, listening to all that was happening around you until you fell asleep.

[iceamericanoventi]

Love Will Find a Way, Well, Eventually : 2. In Between

“Where are you going?”

If it was inside Cartoon Network’s universe, everyone must be able to see the smoke fuming from both his nostrils and ears. Jinki looks beyond distressed when he’s lifting his ass from the chair. No one on the table was his partner, but Minho decided to throw some ridiculous question then played dumb as if he didn’t just ask one.

“Should I have number one here?”

He started getting irked, but that doesn’t stay long until Kibum casually munched his breadstick while spluttering his witty comments as usual, “Surely Taemin would be delightful.”

Taemin who didn’t do anything almost chocked himself with a piece of tomato and kicked Kibum’s shin under the table, eventually.

“Promise me you won’t run away?”

Dumbfounded, Jinki emptied his pocket and almost smashed the table with his belonging.

“Are you my husband? Here’s my wallet. And my phone!” and with that, he left the other three men finishing their meal.

“Is he always in this temper?”

Lee Taemin gave him another look, pleading him not to embarrass them further, but Kibum just shrugged and muttered ‘I’m just asking’ under his nose.

“He was mad with me since this afternoon. Plus, he has lots of stuffs to think about these days. But don’t worry, he never really got mad unless you disturb his nap.”

“What is he? A bear?”

“Yaa! Kim Kibum!”

Minho couldn’t help but laugh to the scene happened before his eyes. Taemin is famous for being friendly and very expressive only if you know him, even if he’s talkative. To penetrate his bubble is very hard at first, but this man sitting across him, he seems like he’s already inside that bubble since the very beginning. He really is someone closed to him. Kibum looks mesmerizing, even in his grumbling nature. The oversize sweater wrapped his lithe build perfectly.

A phone call arrived to Kibum's phone, he picked it up frantically and excused himself to take it outside.

"What do you think?"

“Eh?” Minho doesn’t even realized he got his eyes entailed Kibum’s silhouette until it disappear by the entrance door.

“You seemed in trance. I know Kibum is beautiful but I didn’t expect you’ll be this amazed with my friend,” Taemin’s sipping his wine, a smirk is very apparent in his devious face. 

“I guess it’s safe to say that you’re not a liar.”

Minho reopened his mouth few minutes after he’s assured that Kibum’s not going back any soon. Taemin is not ecstatic, sometimes he wondered if Minho has a decent sense of humor of a friend.

“For your information, I’m not and never been. I’m the most honest person you’ve ever encountered in your life.”

“Everyone in this room knows that’s not true.”

“Whatever. I might know my ways deceiving people, but I never lie to my friend.”

 “Did you just admit that you’re lying here and there, Lee Taemin?”

Taemin rolls his eyes, again, probably for the nth times already this evening. Without Jinki around, he can be more relaxed on throwing his tantrum on Minho.

“Choi Minho, people lies at some certain points of their life. Get over it.”

He gulped down the rest of his wine, Taemin then called a waiter near them to bring him another one.

“Kibum seems nice. He sounds smart.”

“Sounds? Did you even listen to yourself? No writer is not smart, Choi. Moreover, someone who’s been writing the past decade!”

“I only know him for one night. Who knows he’s just acting?”

“Dude, not everyone is an asshole like you.”

“An asshole wouldn’t agree to bring his best friend along in front of a psychopath like you.”

Taemin snorted and Minho’s smirk reappeared on his face.

“That is literally what a psycho would do, selling their friend for their own benefits.”

Minho wiped his mouth before washed down the dinner with cold water, “And that’s exactly what Jinki accused me for. You two shared a brain or what?”

“Any sane people would say the same, Honey,” this time Taemin’s smirk that made the other scoffed, “By the way, what’s the deal with Jinki? He looks like he’s been sitting on thorny cushion the whole dinner!”

Minho knows Taemin would ask such question eventually. However, he couldn’t say that Jinki hates the whole dinner date plan, it’s impossible. Besides that, knowing him for years, Jinki really is an angel in disguise, well, at least when he’s in the mood.

“People have different, what should I say, defense mechanism? And that’s how he is. What kind of person who talked nonstop during their first meeting, anyway?”

“Oh, I don’t know, me?”

“That’s why you’re a freak.”

“A freak who introduced you to your potentially next boyfriend.”

“Ha. Point taken,” Minho raised his hand to ask for the dessert, “Jinki is just not the type of person who will talk a lot and open up in a second. But I guarantee you, he’s a good person. Sometimes a little bit care too much for other at certain time so probably being brazen is his forte.”

“That reminds me of someone.”

Taemin and Kibum spent their high school days together. Separated for some years due to works and educations, their relationship’s all well maintained. They understand each other, including Kibum’s nature to always put others before him at any given situation.

“Appearance wise, though, what do you think about Jinki?”

“Choi Minho, I’m not a teenager anymore. Judging people around by its cover is no longer my habit.”

“But a designer like you must love a beautiful package, don’t they?”

“Well, to be honest, his lips and eyes itself could get me floored in one glance.”

“I knew it.”

“You’re a famous photographer for a reason.”

***

Cold wind slapped Kibum’s cheeks lightly when he pushed the door and parched to the corner near the valet post.

“Okay, now you can speak. Sorry, I don’t know why the reception wasn’t good enough inside.”

“Then I’ll be frankly here. There’s a possibility for making the special edition for the short story collection. But then, we’re still short of two stories at the moment.”

“Wait, wait, but we already have nine! I finished writing nine! Why should I add another two?”

“The publisher agreed to the preposition for at least twelve stories. You should be grateful I could pitch one less story!”

Kibum looks like he’s about to punch anyone passed within radius one meter around him, but nothing in reach besides a huge pot of short palm tree and concrete wall. And he needs his hand to finish his books still.

“But, Amber. Page wise, those are more than enough to make two new books. Are they out of their mind?”

There’s a loud groan banging on his ear drum came from the other line, “Dude, I almost flipped the table when I was at the meeting you have no idea. The board has new man and that guy is a pain in the ass.”

“Would it change the circumstance if I talked to them by myself?”

“Since when do they have time to talk to the writer directly? We’re head to head with bunch of snobs here, did you forget?”

“I should had not agree to let them touched my writings. Now we’re about to face dead end.”

It was a dream to work along this publisher. It was Kibum’s dream since he started writing when he took gap year after graduated high school. And as if it’s a fate, it was the only publisher agreed with his graphic novel concept five years he climbed his career professionally.

“Listen, Kibum. When I met you years ago, I promised I’ll work my ass hard to help you publishing your books. Not because I knew you, it’s because you’re good. You’re amazing writer and I’m not giving up easily. And neither you. Not when anybody can tell that you’re a gem.”

“I haven’t written any book since last year, Amber. I’m in a slump. Writer’s block is not even describing my bad luck at the moment.”

“Honey, you haven’t written any because you’re currently waiting two books released. And if I could do my magic, another one in, let’s say, six months.”

“If I could make up some words into another story within two weeks. If you could convince them to give me mercy.”

“Did you just know me yesterday?”

Kibum’s tired giving sane response, “What do you mean?”

“I’m waiting their secretary to call me in ten minutes. We’re going to discuss some new deals and I’ll make sure one of them is going to be your new nine stories book.”

“I actually have no idea if I don’t have you as my editor slash manager slash friend slash personal ranting partner slash whatever you want to be.”

“Rockstar. That would be cool.”

“You’re going to be a kick ass one to be honest.”

“I bet. Anyway, expect another call from me in the next couple hours. I’m sorry, but tonight we might need video call to resolve some issues.”

“I hate you for confiscating my time but you’re the best.”

“As always, ain’t I?”

The phone call ends already, but he still forlornly looking at his phone’s screen. With that, Kibum remembers all the works he needs to catch up for tonight. With that, he can put aside all the unnecessary anxiety and tension of tonight’s stupid match making session.

He took a glance of his watch and could only sighed, he better hurried inside to his dessert. The faster he finished, the sooner he can hit home and face the real deal. His deadlines.

Two steps away from the entrance however, he caught a familiar face sitting by themselves, staring to the busy street in front of the restaurant.

“Jinki?” he carefully calling the man, “Lee Jinki, right?”

The later tilted his head to the right and gave Kibum a simple smile, didn’t realize it dropped Kibum’s heart by the bottom of his gut.

“Aren’t you cold?”

Everyone would agree this winter is even harsher than last year’s. Jinki just lifted his left hand to make sure Kibum saw a cigarette slipped between his fingers, “Can I sit here?”

Jinki chuckles, “Aren’t you cold?”

Listening to the same question he threw a minute ago, he just rolled his eyes and took a place next to the other man.

“I’m waiting a phone call.”

“Important?”

“Kinda.”

Jinki blew some smoke out, “Hmm, I guess so. You sounded pretty upset over there.”

“Did I scream that loud?!”

“In my opinion? No. but a girl flinched and buzzed off rather hastily, so, you tell me.”

When he saw Kibum’s gaping like a fish in frantic expression, Jinki has no choices beside laughed again, surprising Kibum who’s quite convinced with his aloof personalities.

“I didn’t know you have so many jokes in store.”

“You learn something new every day.”

“Your face doesn’t show.”

“What about my face?”

“It’s handsome but with that attitude inside, seems like you’re the type who woke up at the wrong side of the bed every single morning and could kill someone annoys you at any time.”

“Well, to be fair, I did wake up in the wrong side of my bed this morning. But it’s because a certain dog occupied half of my blanket so I couldn’t disturb her.”

“You have a dog?!”

Kibum’s face lit up thousand times as if he just won some lottery. Strangely, it warms Jinki’s heart. No, scratch that, it would warm any heart, Jinki tried to generalize the situation.

“I don’t, unfortunately. She belongs to my friend. I’m taking care of her while he’s travelling abroad. Her father will pick her up this weekend.”

“Ah, too bad. We could have play date with my boys.”

“I’ll make sure to give you a call when I decided to adopt one later.”

“Do you think my invitation hasn’t expired yet by that time?”

“A man can only dream, can’t he?”

Kibum’s laughter is muffled by his own palm covering his mouth.

“Let’s go inside, you must be shivering.”

“But your cigarette?”

Kibum’s half stuttered caught red handed, Jinki already pressed the half-done cigarette on the sand bowl on his left, “I can always have another one at home. Besides, I doubt you would go inside without me dragging you along.”

Kibum thanked the universe that the place is not well lit, so he could hide the blush creeping his cheeks. Unfortunately, Jinki has a very good eye sight.

***

“Is my baby being a good girl when daddy’s away?”

Jinki scoffed when the man just entered his living room just literally threw his suitcase aside and scooped the little dachshund running toward his embrace. He gathered the suitcase and poor leather bag on the floor and placed it neatly near the saffron color couch.

The man later dropped himself next to Jinki who’s lounged himself there, checking his phone halfheartedly.

“Minho texted me the other day.”

“Why did he keep texting you?”

The man with dark grey hair didn’t catch the frown hanging on Jinki’s face and buried his face to the dog’s belly, making him groaned again. He lightly pushed the dog further and toppled his head on the other man’s laps.

The dog owner realized something’s happened when he’s not around. He put the dog on the ground and tapped her butt to send her back to her small bed near the pantry.

“Minho has my number and I have his name in my contact list. He can text me whenever he wants. Still jealous?”

Jinki closed his eyes when he started playing with his hair, “He’s still one of the reasons we broke up.”

“Baby, the only reason we broke up is because neither of us didn’t want to succumb into marriage. Minho was just a handsome face happened on the wrong time.”

“I have no idea why I still befriend him when it’s clear he wanted to shove his face to yours, all the damn time.”

“And I have no idea that you’re this type who holds the grudge for a long time. We were already out of relationship back then.”

“Still, a friend wouldn’t openly chase after their friend’s ex.”

“A friend wouldn’t, but a best friend would.”

“Whatever.”

He almost lost his control and slapped Jinki’s head of him, “Oh, come on. What’s bothering you this time?”

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit. It’s written all over your face the second I saw you behind the door. And I’m pretty sure it’s not because my daughter misbehaved while I’m on my annual pediatric conference.”

Jinki sighed, nothing he could really hide it from the other man. Since they were in their almost five years relationship, since they became best friends around three years prior.

“Minho invited me for a dinner night.”

“Wow, fancy,” actually Minho already texted him about the dinner a bit, how he wanted to introduce Jinki to some acquaintance he has, “He gave up on me so he went for the only option?”

“For the record, your mom agreed that I’m way much sexier than you.”

“Three years ago, before your cheek bones buried under those mount of fluffy fat.”

“Said a man who came to me and straight ahead told me I looked cute after leaving a piece of paper with their number on my table.”

“I will put aside the fact that I love how romantic you’re for still remembering our first meeting but let’s back to the right path here because I don’t like the upset you. It’s fucking annoying.”

“He introduced me to someone, Jonghyun.”

He let out inaudible gasp and thanked the universe Jinki’s still closing his eyes. Otherwise, he would stop at once and avoided any discussion of the main reason which distressed his ex-boyfriend. Knowing the scenario before hands didn’t prevent him with the sheer pain graze him when it came from Jinki’s mouth himself.

“So? Isn’t that great? Do you think it’s about time?”

“I was about to argue that two years are still not enough to get over you but I guess you’re not in the same page with me so I’d say that I’m not interested into some relationship whatsoever at this point.”

Jonghyun wanted to cry listening to such words. His heart clenched, he inhaled – a very long one – before he continued caressing Jinki’s forehead.

“I am flattered, but I know you’re just teasing me.”

“Ha, you know me so well.”

“I’m not gonna fall on the same hole, Lee.”

“You won’t. You’re too smart to repeat the torture on the loop.”

“It wasn’t a torture, Jinki. I love you as much as you do. Or maybe just slightly more.”

“Not a chance. I love you more.”

“Stop it or I will kiss you.”

“I dare you.”

“I told you I’m not gonna fall on the same hole.”

“Smart, very smart,” Jinki opened his eyes only to find Jonghyun sticking his tongue out, “Okay, so at first, I don’t like the idea already. You know I hate any type of match making method. Even the online one. But being there, I realized that my current focus doesn’t involved other party besides me, my business, and—“

“And your grandfather?”

Jinki looks annoyed, “Remind me to add ‘always-cutting-people-sentence’ on the list of reasons why I broke up with you when I’m writing my journal tonight.”

“It’s true. I think he was also the cock blocker during our relationship back then.”

“Dude, we’re talking about my gramps. And to put him on the same category with Minho is beyond weird.”

“We already broke up when Minho made his move, for Pete’s sake!”

“Okay, okay! No need to raise your voice, you’re so scary when you’re angry.”

“Then don’t make me! Now, now, can you please be a normal human being so we can talk like adults for once?”

Jinki pulled himself from the couch to the pantry, snatching a pack of cigarette on the tea table before slipped one on the corner of his mouth.

“Can you not smoking inside?”

He snorted and padded to the direction of his balcony. It’s in the middle of winter but he doesn’t care a bit to the wind ready to slaughter his bones. If tomorrow the cold prevented him to leave the bed, then let it be. For once, he just wants to free his mind from the business.

“You need to remember that I can only treat patient on certain age,” Jonghyun followed few minutes after with a blanket he spread as wide as possible to cover both of them without feeling suffocated for standing too close.

“The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends people be under pediatric care up to the age of 21, though.”

“Did you just quote Wikipedia? And we’re not in fucking States! Above and beyond, shame on your wrinkles!”

“Rude.”

“You’re the rude one to your lungs!”

“Then tell me how to ease my mind without nicotine! Tell me how to forget all those troubled night and just sleep! Do you think it’s easy taking care of worrisome business and messy family without distraction?! Stop talking non sense if you do know how to save my days!”

Any word seems taboo once Jinki exploded. Both man just staring into the dark evening below Jinki’s unit. People paraded as quickly as possible on the street to fight the harsh weather. It’s not that late, but only few cars passed by. The dim light of the street lamp’s soothing the tense atmosphere in a way.

Jonghyun leaned closer to Jinki’s arm and rested his head on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t help you with that.”

“I’m sorry I yelled at you.” 

“You know that you can always talk to me right?”

“I’m tired bothering you. You already have a lot in your hands.”

“Besides my patients and Roo, there’s nothing really confiscated my time.”

Having someone like Jonghyun who would stand next to him, scold him then hug him right after, no matter how awful he behaved and treated the other man, Jinki every so often thinking what kind of good deeds he did in his previous life.

Jinki cocked his head, inhaling the trace of scent of Jonghyun’s favorite shampoo. Initially, he was about to kiss the top of his head, like he used to do when the other man leaned on him for whatever reason it was. He remember, though, the earlier period after their broke up – after settling their feelings for few months of course – the shorter man told him not to do that anymore because it was the doctor’s Achilles heel. So instead, he rubs his cheek over the thick hair, silently telling Jonghyun he’s sorry.

Some nights – especially right after that dinner date – he had thought, maybe one of the reason he reprimands Minho’s idea is just because he still has tiny hope that Jonghyun and him might had another chance in the future.

“From time to time, I was thinking that the more day passed, we’re closer to the image of friends with benefit.”

“Friends with benefit? Tsk,” Jonghyun slapped his forearm, “The only benefit I got from you is you’re the only perfect nanny for Roo when I’m away.”

“Those cups of coffee every single time you stopped by my shop?”

“Pfft. How stingy. I’m leaving.”

“Heartless.”

Jonghyun didn’t say anything more and returned inside to gather his things and called Roo. He desperately needs some hot shower. Somewhere inside him, he was expecting Jinki offering him to stay the night knowing how caring the man and the fact Jinki knows he bolted to the other’s apartment right away after landed.  

When Jinki handed him the leash, that hope vanished in second.

“What if later I really considered this person? Or any other person collided with me on the future?”

Jonghyun smiled, he looks tired, but very sincere, “Then good.”

“Because I’m not gonna bother you anymore?”

“No. Because you’ll have someone to share the happiness with.”

***

cross-posted in my AFF

[stitches-for-solo]

“You’d Be Surprised What You Can Live Through”

Personal story below the cut, but it’d be cool if you read it, ‘cause it’s really important to me, and I’m pretty proud of it. I just don’t want to fill up anyone’s Dashboard with a wall of text.

A few years ago, I was driving down one of the main streets in the town I live in. I still even remember what plaza I was passing. I’m not sure where I was coming from, but it was probably a bar. I had tried to get sober after my ex and I split (the first time), and I did okay for a few months, but at that moment in time, I was starting to slip. A beer here or there with my ex (who had the audacity to repeatedly ask me to meet him at a bar we used to frequent), or I would go out by myself a lot on nights I knew he was with another woman he was seeing. He wouldn’t admit to it at the time, but that’s not the point of this story. I was enjoying going out by myself, and it was beginning to become a more frequent occurrence. Anyway, I just remember where I was, and that it was late, because I was listening to “Loveline” on the radio.

A man called in and asked Dr. Drew a question — I don’t really recall the details, but I do know he shared that he was an addict. I believe he had some concerns about his sex drive, which had been low since he had gotten clean. Dr. Drew asked how long he had been sober, and the man replied “17 months and [x] days”. Dr. Drew congratulated him, and made a comment about when you know down to the day how long it’s been since you’ve used/drank, you’re probably pretty serious about your recovery.

I remember hearing this, and my heart just sinking into my stomach. 17 months seemed like an ETERNITY, and I knew I’d be six feet under long before I could ever achieve that. I had only managed 3 or 4 months, and I was already secretly falling back into old habits, and worse still, making new ones. I had only tried to quit drinking because of the infamous “I refuse to date an alcoholic” line my ex dropped on me when he initially dumped me. We did briefly reconcile after I had managed to stay away from a drink for maybe 2 months, but it didn’t last, and with my only motivation gone, neither did my short-lived sobriety. I was failing, and I knew it. I felt doomed. I had tried telling myself I was still doing good, because I wasn’t drinking every night, and I wasn’t drinking alone at home. I had total control over it, and I’d never go back to the way I was — drinking in excess every night and trying (and succeeding for quite a while) at keeping it all hidden. I was fine. I just needed self control.

Except that was total bullshit, and deep down I knew it. 17 dry months would never be in my future, mainly because I didn’t want it to be, especially since I was a single adult and didn’t have to listen or justify my drinking and risky behavior to anyone. I was doing what I wanted, fuck the consequences. In my mind, if he was gonna keep seeing that homewrecking whore, I was gonna keep drinking. It sounds ludicrous, but sometimes I dressed up all cute (or attempted to be sexy and alluring), and went out to spite him. That wasn’t the only reason I drank again, but if he wasn’t a factor, I would have just stayed home most nights, drank alone in my pajamas when I felt like it, and only go out when I wanted the ego boost of catching someone’s eye in a bar/restaurant or having them buy me a drink. Of course this was the complete opposite of logical, because he didn’t give a flying fuck what I did. We would meet up at a bar, after he dumped me for my drinking and refusal to get help, ffs.

I continued to backslide until it was like nothing changed at all. I eventually ended up in (and getting thrown out of) rehab after some mental and physical health scares, but again, it didn’t last. I drank myself out of another relationship, out of chances with my ex, out of two jobs, into a DUI, and into the hospital several times before it was either quit or die. I’d been right all along. 17 months wasn’t in my future.

Except.. today (yesterday technically, since it’s after midnight) is 17 months.

When I look back at the utter insanity I was living in, it’s almost incomprehensible what I went through and what I lived through. It feels like a few months, at best, but now I’m 30 days away from a year and a half. Holy shit.

My life is far from perfect. I’d change more things than I’d keep the same, if I’m being honest. And although I do have some self control, I can’t say I don’t think about alcohol — a lot. I have cravings; I’m only human. And I can’t say I don’t have some bad habits to kick (some of which could be said to be a replacement for alcohol, but I know what I need to do). And I can never say that I’ll one day recover completely and no longer be an addict. That’s just not how it works. What I CAN say is that, even though my life feels like it’s been decimated by being hit by a train, it’s so goddamn easy to forget how bad it actually was. That’s something I need to work on — remembering the bad things so the temptation to go back isn’t so strong. And I guess I’ll end with this — I know I complain a lot, and this process hasn’t been at all what I was expecting, however, I am so glad I didn’t die on that couch.

Oh, and can anyone guess what movie the quote in the title of this post is from?

[seungminiee]

hello i have not been active here because my school sucks and our tests and exams were like one week away from each other. i just finished my first week of exams and i’m okay i guess. but i would like to make a shoutout to my mum for letting me go for mxm’s first fanmeet in singapore and i shall rant about it as a post after not being active for 47253827 years!!

okay so to start, the day before the fanmeet was their press conference (3 may) and my friend and i made it there after getting lost for an hour HAHA we didn’t even get to see them cos everyone was standing on stools but we were already blessed from their presence and voices. also youngmin cleared up the misunderstanding of how he wasnt born in singapore, but instead born in korea (i dont remember where exactly) but raised in singapore till he was 5. we both were practically studying at the venue while waiting as we had maths and history exams the next day.

now yesterday’s fanmeeting (4 may) let me tell you i’m not okay. so firstly, the best thing about this whole thing was that me and my friend WON VIP TICKETS TO THE FANMEET and ALL vip tickets get group photo op and hi touch session. their visuals are no freaking joke. i shall post the group photo when i get it but they’re so freaking tall. i know that people always say that about idols but you never know HOW tall they are until you’re practically 40cm away from them!!! so they played some games and performed their songs typical stuff BUT FANS GOT TO PLAY THE GAMES WITH THEM AND WIN STUFF LIKE A POLAROID PIC W THEM ONSTAGE i’m not jealous and they were so cute their fanservice was no joke AND THEIR LIVE VOCALS WERE NO JOKE THEY SWALLOWED THEIR GODDAMN ALBUMS BRO they were so smiley and happy and aaah 

so then the thing ends but theres and encore but my friend stood up and went to the front cos many people were doing so and we didnt know why so we just followed HAHAHA then suddenyl they started screaming “encore, encore!” then mxm came out again so we ran all the way to the front but now i realised that we shouldn’t have done that as people at front couldn’t see very well so i’m quite ashamed of myself BUT ITSOKAY i won’t ever do that again i promise.

then the whole fanmeet actually ends BUT THATS WHEN THE HI TOUCH AND PHOTO STUFF HAPPENS!!! so okay during the hi touch i wanted to quickly say something to them but i was shocked i think i was smiling really weirdly. BUT GUYS!!!!!! so basically when we were walking down from the stage, the people in front of our batch were walking down slowly and the other batch who were about to go were stopped for awhile as we still haven’t left so my batch turned around to face themand they were waving at us and we waved back BUT OKAY LISTEN YALL i was smilling really wide and waving quite excitedly and then i made eye contact with youngmin and he went like this 😃 and waved as excitedly back at me while still looking at me and i lost it. the same thing happened to my friend but with donghyun!! when i was walking down the stage i deadass teared up abit :’) then the group photo was really cool i was standing next to a girl who was standing right next to them!!! then someone went “oh my god” and donghyun copied her really cutely hjdsjvfwhjfwygfeyiujdfw

i came home at like 12/1 but it was so worth it. im sosososososososo glad that i won the giveaway contest and i’m so happy that i could go to this with my friend and see them live hfwusdgv PLEASE COME BACK TO SINGAPORE FOR A CONCERT AAAH I LOVE THEM TOOO MUCH and now i just really miss them :)) 

[aeticon]

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After using the French Bulldog 5 Things You Should Know About This Woman Dog Mom She Loves Dogs More Than Human Tee Shirts diapers for almost two years I must say it s sad to have to cancel the bundles their customer service is awful and I m not sure what s going on with their diapers my last bundle 6 out of the 7 packs of diapers didn t work the sticky tags rip when trying to put the diaper some kept falling off so the diaper wouldn t stay up I contacted them through email and the person asked me for pictures to show how they aren t working ummm no I can t email you pictures of my half naked baby then she says not what I meant I mean pictures of the diapers so you want me to keep diapers that I have use and take pictures it really makes no sense so upsetting I guess they are okay for smaller babies but not for active 17 month old. So this is going to be a bit long but bear with me I had what I believe to be a pointless and incredibly frustrating experience with the assistant manager jamie at your auburn hills great lakes crossing location today I have been coming here for three years I frequent your orlando san marcos and new jersey locations as well at least once a year when we stop we usually spend 5 to 10 thousand dollars on your products the system is simple I go in park in a corner and bring bins to my corner sort them bag them move them to the front register and repeat today I brought a personal duffel bag as it holds about 8 to 12 of your bags worth of stuff I get told that i’m not allowed to use it because it’s policy not a big deal at all I say okay i’ll do that for the rest rather than rebag all of this i’ll just go up in line and pay for it and it can sit behind the counter seems pretty reasonable to me nope I got obstructed suggested that I might be stealing something and not allowed to pass stating if I don’t want to follow the system I can leave he then takes my entire duffel dumps it onto the floor and then rebags it into victoria secret bags then moves it to the front counter so it can be rang in I thought this was a little odd but hey he was doing all the work rebagging it so whatever i’m like dude i’m going to be spending about 8k today all I want to do is come in spend some money get out without any drama what’s the problem whoevers in charge should be thrilled with a sale like this we’re spending 8k keep in mind that I told him that I would do what he wanted and it wasnt’ a big deal and the response was to the effect of stop being lippy and just listen I told him what do you want from me I just agreed with you and said I would use your bags i’m not being lippy at all I know this because I said okay dude not a problem i’ll use your bags his response was maybe if you get to buy it i’m like what are you suggesting that an 8 000 order is something you guys don’t want he’s like yeah if you buy it i’m like dude we are spending 8k today why would I bag up a bunch of stuff and spend 2 3 hours picking our your fabulous product to not buy it anyway so I had 4 credit cards one card had 2 000 one had 3500 one had 2000 and one had 1000 because I am buying for multiple people I had 4 different cards all in my name I wanted one receipt for each card not a big deal to me right wrong again he cited some policy and said if the order is more than 750 items that they aren’t allowed to ring in under 750 items on any one receipt id like to point out that that amount is higher than your employees said they could take as a cash payment I asked him to please show me that I would understand better if I could just read it he was willing to do so he brought out the policy book and to my surprise what it actually said was words to the afffect of cash payments cannot be split up or over 750 items I forget the second half my immediate reply was so what’s the big deal im using credit not cash he snatched the policy book away from me at that point and said you know what you can just listen to me or I don’t have to let you buy anything it’s up to my discretion I then called your orlando outlet and your new jersey outlet and talked to the store managers and cited your policy I was given I asked them to confirm if that was accurate and both said if it was a policy it was news to them I then asked if they would let me buy my order using 4 cards and 4 receipts the woman at orlando said oh my gosh yes we do that every single day I asked if I went to her store if I would have any trouble with this in the future and was told no then she said you can always come down here if you’re in the area and i’ll be happy to take your order after that phone call I tried again here’s the video of that attempt I said listen I have 4 credit cards your register girl said you told her she can’t ring up an order under 750 items that’s 3500 if it’s 5 items not all of my cards have that much I have done multiple receipts every time I came here heck I can even supply them to show it he tells me that because I am order so many items that I can’t have less tan 750 items per receipt so I point around to everyone else and ask what about everyone else you aren’t forcing them to spend a minimum of 750 items what about the final charge i’ll have 750 items for two tickets but the leftover isn’t going to be 750 items you’re not going to let me buy them he shrugged his shoulders to say no at this point I haven’t yelled ive been a bit snarky and sarcastic because I know he’s just giving me a hard time two people ring in our order almost every time I am up there and we were there 3 times in the last 6 months spent a bunch each time so at 730 8pm or so we are done shopping assuming that two people could ring us up ended up being a fantasy he forced one employee only to ring us up later on he comes up when its now close to 9pm and says hey you mind if we ring you up on both registers I chuckle and say no I don’t but you do you don’t want to be breaking that 750 rule do you he glared at me and then sent the employee away and walked off after blinking a few times I laugh because after telling me over and over he couldn’t do it he just got caught trying to do what should have been done to begin with a short while later after 9 I find out that everyone is standing uip front except for the one girl and another associate because none of the rest of them are allowed to help her ring us up the only two people left in the store with about 700 more items to be rang in if that’s not enough since it was a holidy all of these employees are apparently being paid overtime to stand around and wait at a bit after 10 all but two girls leave and one girl is waiting to count cash while the other girl sits and keeps ringing stuff in we apologize profusely we expected two employees to ring us up like always and timed our visit to be out around 9 if this had happened instead of having one literally stand there and watch her for 1 hour and 47 minutes after close we would have all been out on time and no overtime or extra hours spent so finally at 10 47 pm our orders are done we thank the lovely girl lauren and jasmine who got stuck staying 2 hours past close because a manager made up some random policy and had to double down when I pointed out he really needed to follow that 750 rule when he was going to toss another girl on the register if this is policy fine it doesn’t seem to be no manager at your other outlets knew what he was talking about the orlando one insisted that the only restrictions are on cash payments and verified I was paying cash or credit it’s a pretty humiliating experience to get hassled trying to buy panties and bras by someone who’s on some type of power trip the only thing I said sideways to him was that I flat out didn’t believe his policy and that credit absolutely is not the same as cash I didnt call him any names scream at him or did anything to disrupt the store beyond what you see in the videos if this is not policy i’d like an apology from that manager in person or over the phone admitting he was mistaken I would hope that the next time I go there I am not hassled but if not I guess there’s always orlando or new jersey who seem to be quite friendly I also want to give recognition to jasmine and lauren lauren is the poor soul who got stuck ringing everything in alone because of the manager’s silly rule and not allowing anyone to help because it would be in violation of the 750 item rule jasmine was the cash counter who had to wait until we were out of the store to count cash even more interesting is that I had a former employee with me helping me buy and she said she never heard of this policy either but it doesn’t mean it wasn’t added since she left she was just as confused because the manager spent over 30 minutes trying to explain and defend this when that time certainly would have been more efficiently spent doing productive things instead of hassling someone who literally sits in a corner and speaks to no one while sorting through your products one bin at a time id love a call back about this or to find out what exactly is going on ive never been hassled like this before and it was a little frustrating and very trying to keep my cool joe rossetti alexandria gunn. A sad day we’ve lost tammy grimes the actress whose voice brought molly grue so perfectly to life she was 82 years old

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[littlebitoffanfic]

Accepting Him Part 2

Fandom: The Boy Character: Brahms Relationship: Brahms/reader Request: Can you write a second Brahms one from the boy. Soemthing like he scares the reader by accident and she leaves but comes back to him straight away. Part one: http://littlebitoffanfic.tumblr.com/post/150780019854/accepting-him As the rain tapped on the window, you woke up, taking in the peaceful sound of the pitter patter. Your mind raced back to the night before, what had happened. Brahms was real, he had saved you from your father and kept you safe all night. He had been protecting you the whole time you were here while you protected the doll. Then there was that kiss. It had been so deep, so passionate that you almost believed it wasn’t real. Sitting up, you glanced over your shoulder as dread filled your body. Brahms wasnt beside you. Pushing the covers back, you quickly checked around the room with no success so you went into the hall way. “Brahms?” You called out, the fear obvious in your voice as you listened for a response. But nothing came. You checked everywhere. His room, the play rooms, the music room, the living room and with disappointing results. You called his name at the top of your voice as you started to run from room to room. He had to be real, you weren’t crazy. Last night wasn’t a dream, it couldn’t be. Then you remembered your father so you ran to the pool room. But when you got there, your heart broke. There was no sign of anything in the room. No body, no smashed doll, no blood. Except the mirror Brahms had come out of was now replaced with a hanging portrait of Brahms grand parents. Stumbling back, you started to hyperventilate. It couldn’t be all in your head, it just couldn’t be. You knew the way your heart had beat against your chest when you saw him was real. The feeling of his lips on yours was real. The pain when your father had cut your cheek was real. Jumping, you ran to one of the mirrors in the house and glared at your reflection. You had a long, red cut down your cheek. It was clean and you could see it was starting to heal but it was real. A knock at the door made you jump out of your skin and run for the door. Could it be him? But as you opened the door, you were disappointed to see it was Malcom with your delivery. “What happened to your cheek?” He asked, pushing past you with the box and making his way to the kitchen. “I fell.” You said through gritted teeth. You didn’t need him here right now. Besides, you had more than enough food for yourself and Brahms, if he was real. You followed him into the kitchen, taking the time to think things over. You couldn’t go to the police about anything because they would put you in an insane asylum. And even if they did find that your father was dead, you wouldn’t sell out Brahms so you would be charged with murder. And what about when his parents came back? You were interrupted by Malcom slamming the fridge shut, a little harder than you thought necessary. “So, wheres the doll?” He asked, making a spectacle of himself looking around so you crossed your arms. “Hes… resting.” You settled on, unable to think of anything else to say. “Ah, I got you. ‘Resting’. While he resting, why don’t you and me go out sometime?” Malcom said, attempting to sound seductive but more moronic than anything else. “No.” You replied flatly, turning on your heel and walking out of the kitchen, hoping he would leave. “Why not?” A hand pulled on your jumper which you had forgotten was from yesterday but didn’t care. “Because Im not instrested.” You tried to keep your voice calm but it was hard. You were dealing with a lot and this guy wasn’t helping. “Come on, give me a chance.” He darted in front of you hand gripped both your upper arms. “Listen and listen good. I am not interested in you. I don’t want you as a love, a friend or an acquittance. Nothing, nil, zilch. Now if you would please leave before I call the police.” You hissed, pulling yourself from his grip. He stumbled back. “fine.” He spat and left, slamming the door behind him. Once he was gone, you locked the door and pressed your head against the wood. “Where are you Brahms.” You whispered to yourself. Eventually, you pulled yourself together and decided that if he was around, he would want you to follow the rules. You had tried to go about your day normally but without the doll, it was hard. Soon you gave up and began wondering the house. You ended up back in the pool room when something caught your eye. Under one of the chairs was a piece of prosocline. It was white with a piece of what used to be lip on it. You picked it up, twirling the piece in your hands. if you knew where all the other bits were, you would try and glue them back together to pleae Brahms. that was when it clicked. you held the piece firmly in one hand and walked over to the portrait. You gently pushed it up and it fell forward, off the wall. You placed the picture down on the ground and smiled widely. There, in the wall, was the hole. The hole that he had come out of last night. As you climbed through, you felt like Alice when she was following the white rabbit down the rabbit hole. The tunnels were a little dark but you could just make out the way by the light that shone through the floor and wall boards. You walked around inside the walls for a while, unable to get your baring’s until you found a door. You silently pushed it open and peered inside. It led to a dark room you had never seen before. There was no natural light inside and you could see a makeshift bed in the corner and a side table. On that table, you could see a couple of pieces of your jewellery and one of your dresses. There was also a photo of you. It was one you had brought with you of you and a friend but your friends face had been ripped off. Pushing the door open further, you saw someone hunched over a desk. Instantly, you knew it was Brahms by his cardigan. To his right, was a half built doll. The doll Brahms. You could see he had rebuilt nearly all the body and was now onto the face but he couldn’t seem to find the part he was looking for. Stepping inside, you walked up behind him silently. Instantly, you knew the piece in your hand was matching the missing piece. Maybe that’s why he hadn’t been around. He was rebuilding the doll. “What about this piece?” You asked, your voice making Brahms jump and turn to you, his body language screaming defence. But when his eyes fell on you, holding out the piece, he relaxed slightly. He was now wearing his mask again but you remembered how handsome he was. Almost curiously, he reached out and took the piece out of your hand and retreated back to the doll, his back to you. “Why did you leave?” You asked, stepping closer to him. You saw him flinch at the question but didn’t answer. “Do you want me to leave?” You asked, your voice shaking. You knew there was two away to take your questions. Either to leave the room or the house. You didn’t know what you meant yourself. Brahms shoot up and turned on your heel to stare at you with wide eyes. He shook his head violently, his curls bouncing against his face. You couldn’t help but smile at the urgency of his answer. “Then I’ll stay.” You giggled, seeing the way Brahms whole body relaxed at you answer. Brahms walked over to you, wrapping his arms around you but paused. You instantly knew it was because he was unsure if he had done wrong. You quickly wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him close so he didn’t doubt himself. You rested your head against his chest, hearing how hard his heart was beating against his chest. “Why would you think I didn’t want you?” Brahms spoke with an air of fear. You had been possessing over the way he had said your name the day before that hearing his voice soothed you. “I woke up alone and I couldn’t find you. You didn’t reply when I called you. I thought I was going crazy.” You trailed off as you felt him pull away and you looked at the ground. “Sorry.” He muttered leaning down and gently bumping the forehead of the mask against yours. You smiled, looking up at him. Reaching up, you gently took the mask off his face and he allowed you. You couldn’t help but smile at him. “You wanna go grab something to eat? And I’ll help you finish later?” You asked, nodding to the half built doll. Brahms nodded. You were about to turn around but he pressed his lips to yours in a quick and chase kiss. But when he pulled away, you were quick to move forward and return a more passionate kiss. You had spent most of the day thinking you were insane and then have him here and that one kiss was all it took to convince you that your sanity was intact. But when you pulled away, you couldn’t fight the growing questions in your mind. “Brahms, what do we do now?” You asked, forgetting he couldn’t read your mind and see all the questions. He tilted his head to the side and frowned. “I thought you said you were hungry?” He replied, nodding to where you had entered, his curls bouncing a little. “No, I mean now. Now I know you’re here.” You ran your hand over his chest a little just to make sure. “And what about when your parents get back?” As you spoke, you saw him flinch slightly. “They- they aren’t coming back.” He mumbled, pulling away from you and walking away. You stumbled a little since you had been leaning on him slightly. “What do you mean?” You called after him, a little confused now. But he didn’t answer. Instead, he picked up a piece of paper off the side of a table and held it out to you. You walked forward and took it gently out of his hand and started to read. You recognised it as his mothers handwriting. The letter said about how much they loved him but they couldn’t live with the guilt and with him. You couldn’t believe your eyes or read the final sentences. They had committed suicide. You looked up and saw Brahms was staring at your intensely. “Bahms, im so sorry.” You lowered the letter, keeping it in your right hand. “Its okay. Because now I have you. And you’ll never leave.” He stepped forward but you stepped back. Instantly, Brahms froze. It was so much to take in, you almost felt like you were going to pass out. After everything last night and now this, it was too much. You needed some space, some fresh air. “You’ll never leave, right?” Brahms suddenly growled, making you jump and stare up at him with fear in your eyes. “You’re happy?” It wasn’t so much a statement but a question. “Brahms, i-“ But before you could being to explain anything, he turned away from you and walked away from you to a table in the corner. You could see he was breathing hard and he seemed to hunch over himself and he was shaking after if he was struggling to control himself. “Leave.” He growled, his voice low and sharp. You jumped a little, unable to control the growing feeling you were in danger. “Brahms-“ You walked forward and reached out a hand to him, but he whipped around to face you, his hands sending the table flying to smash against the walls as it shattered. you let out a scream and covered your face with your hands, convinced he would hurt you like your father used to. But nothing came. You peaked through your fingers to see he was staring down at you, his face contorted in pain. “Leave.” He mumbled, stepping back from you. You didn’t have to be asked twice. turning on your heels, you ran. Down all the twisty bends in the wall and out into the main house. You didn’t grab any of your things but kept running out the door into the garden when you slowed down to a walk so you could catch your breath. You noticed you still had the letter in your hand and noticed there was some on the back you hadn’t seen before. You turned the paper over and started to read. “Take care of her. Protect her like you wanted to all those years ago. Be kind to her, remember how much shes been through, like you have. I know how much you love her and you have to show her that. Never be cruel to her or make her want to leave. If shes happy, she will stay with you.” As you read the short paragraph, you felt your legs buckle in as you fell to the ground which was luckily grass. He loved you? You couldn’t imagine brahms having much experience in any sort of romantic thing. His parents were always so reserved and you couldn’t imagine his mum sitting down and telling him to treat a girl. Especially if they thought he would never have anyone who would stay. He just wanted to protect you. You looked up to the old house. You were about half way between the the house and the entrance gates. he was letting you leave? He wasn’t chasing after you or threating you. He had asked if you were happy. And he could tell you were getting more and more scared of him as seconds passed. So he told you to leave. He knew your father was now gone so your father wouldn’t track you to the ends of the earth. He knew your father couldn’t hurt you. And if you left, neither could he. And yet as you looked up at the house, you couldn’t leave. You wondered how many people he had killed before you. And yet the thought didn’t horrify you. It didn’t push you away or make you think of him in a worse way. It drew you to him. Pushing yourself up off the ground, you walked back to the house. You entered through the kitchen door and heard the piano playing. The eerie music echoed through the house. It was a beautifully sad melody. You walked silently to the music room, opening the door ever so slightly to see Brahms sitting at the piano, his fingers bouncing off the keys as he played the melody. His back wasn’t completely to you but he couldn’t see you in his peripheral vision. For a moment, you sat and listened to him, enjoying the soft music till it started to slow down. You watched as Brahms hands started to shake and he stopped playing. His hands left the keys to come up and cover his face. You heard him begin to sob into his hands like a broken man. He thought he was alone. He thought no one wanted to be here with him. You walked into the room and silently sat beside him on the higher notes side. Placing your fingers on the keys, you began to play a melody Mrs Heelshire had taught you and Brahms where you were children. She taught you the higher notes and him the lower notes. She would sit in the chair in the corner and listen to the two of you play. You wondered if he would remember. As you started to play, you felt Brahms jumped and turn to you. His breath caught in his throat as he stared at you liked you were a ghost, but you kept playing. You felt his eyes on your as he reached out and gently touched your arm. You glanced at him and smiled. He quickly caught on to the song and placed his fingers on the keys, waited a moment before joining in. For a few minutes, the two of you sat there playing the piano without a care in the world. You couldn’t stop smiling as you finished off the song and turned to him. “You came back?” He asked, turning his body to you. You could still see the disbelief in his eyes. “Does that mean you’ll stay?” He asked, a slight ting of fear in his voice. “Yes.” You answered, nodding your head to confirm. You were embraced in long arms as he pulled to close. You quickly wrapped your arms around his neck and held him close. pulling back, he ducked his head down to kiss you. The kiss wasn’t like before. It was desperate, passionate, filled with unspoken words as he held you. “Im sorry for scaring you earlier.” He mumbled as he pulled only millimetre away from your lips, as though he couldn’t go any further. “Its okay. But don’t do it again.” You said in a serious voice. Brahms nodded. You pulled away from him to get to your feet and walk to the door. You glanced over your shoulder and saw Brahms was staring after you, a small smile on his scared lips. “you coming?” You asked, holding out your hand to him. He was by your side in a minute, taking your hand as you guided him into the kitchen. As the two of you made lunch, your let your thoughts wonder. You couldn’t believe how easy it was to be with him. It felt so natural and easy, even just talking to him. You knew he would kill anyone who threatened you and he would protect you with his life. He adored you as you did him. But he had made it clear you could leave if you ever wanted to. Which you didn’t. For the first time in your life, you were accepted.

[strawberryspeachy]

Also im sick of obnoxious japanese eaters

Things ive found out are myths here

1) everyones nice.

No. Everyone smiles hard to cover up whatever assholery theyre doing - if theyre supposed to be nice to you. Public people are the same as usual... except theres alot more shoving

2) everything about school

They don’t pay for school. Its free. Just like ours. Except private school. Just like ours

They are not MORE overworked in school nor do they study more. Their rules are much loser. And just like the states, teachers have no real authority- but unlike the states - the students do not fear repercussions. They can be touched though but thats more because japanese people think its fine to touch each other a lot - ya know. Just dont hug as an adult - but all other invading of some kind of private bubble is fine

3) SLURPING No thats not just a “it shows you love the food!” Bs. Just like the states, the people you hear disgustingly slurping just eat loud and are gross... imo... people here dont seem to think its gross but far more people eat like civilized humans and dont slurp everything from solids to actual liquids.

K like every time the past two days ive had to be near people slurping their fucking food and as a person who HATES hearing people eat... its why im bitching here. LETTUCE DOES NOT NEED SLURPED

4) just anything they call “culture” they used a pretty word to cover for “thats just the dumb thing we do here” its literally like if we said aggressively speed driving and cutting people off is new yorkers culture

Japan has a lot of history and traditions. But mostly they have a lot of bs that theyre just too stubborn to acknowledge and change so they lable it culture. Any changes they make are pretty much like when my great grandmother got a cell phone.

She only turned it on to charge it and make a phone call - leave a voicemail saying that she called - and then would turn it back off. It wasnt ever even on long enough for her to need to charge it.

But in her mind no one could complain that she didnt have one. And the only emergency in her mind was her needing to call you - not vice versa. She wouldnt use it for any other purpose and generally resented its existence. She hated watching anyone else use their cell phones to check the time or take pictures or play games or have lenthy conversations.

Yea. Thats basiclly japan with everything new. They have it. But they dont use it , and its possibilities scare them so the old ppl say its not allowed to be used unless the old people need to use it

Sorry man i hate everywhere i am. My aparment is next to a bar that looks permanently closed during the day. I had no clue it was there till after i moved in and the loud karaoke blared into my window every damn night

My train line is a nightmare and if you wanna see the worst japanese people can be. Ride the train during rush hours

My post office is far away and they refuse to ring my doorbell when i have a delivery and instead just leave slip - if you dont hike over in their made up time period they throw your stuff away

No one will actually help you with serious stuff. They just smile and say sorry and run away — customer service. Yea. Not customer service. They could just as easily be a manican with a smiley face - itd serve the same purpose.

Theres too much paperwork constantly all the time about everything

Nothing is online

Another thing that prompted me for this “this is japanese chocolate”

Cool. I got that its japanese. Im in japan. Everything people point out for me “its japanese____” fucking imagine if we felt the need to point out every damn item as “american” in the states. Why? What is the meaning of this?

They gave me a table to sit at at this school. A table. That they make lunch on and put all their supplies on. A dude just kicked my chair as he came over for some shit. Why am i sitting at a table? Very very few japanese people ive worked with dont make me feel like an adopted pet dog that theyre not sure if itll bite. Dog. Not new person. They literlly have the children fetch me...

And ive grown so so very tired of being asked questions with the intention of having me overhype japan while maintaining that im so stupid that i know absolutely nothing about the country

98% of japanese people assume that you think of japan like youve never even heard of their country before arriving and that you just arrived two days ago

Also. Maybe they think their test scores and clases are so much more difficult because they cant seem to fathom that most other countries schools function the same way as theirs

Yesterday a teacher said “ah theyre so overworked. They have alot to remember” i thought she was about to tell me how many units were on their exam or something... no “english, japanese, science, math, history, pe, food class, art! Too many things. Theyre very overworked”

..... are you for real? Im pretty sure every fucking school has those subjects if you switch out japanese for the countries native language.... this is NORMAL

Im sorry. I know the reason anyone talking to me like this might not like me. Cause im not gonna go WOWWW SUGEII?!?!? So much stuff!! Poor them!

No. Yeah? Thats school...

Look im not an asshole to my kids. If they can manage to tell me any information about their life in english or simple japanese i can translate - i act surprised/ or am if their english is super good.

But adults... no man. Learn some stuff about the outside world. Youre not specifical

Also dating boys here is just like back home except they wont block you and they respond less

Instead of getting “nice” “oh” “idk” and “maybe” as there fading messages - they just leave you on read. Or give you some random information that you didnt ask about that has no relevance to the ‘convo’

Also also. “Speak slow” they dont say this in a ‘my english is not good so speak slower’ way. They say this in a ‘i felt really good about my english until you spoke at a normal pace and my classes and ass-kissing white dudes have taught me that enlgish is spoken slow and percisely so if you dont speak with a japanese accent, your fast english is wrong’

Whatever but like... could you return the favor by speaking japanese slowly. Speak it the way you want me to speak english....

Telling them to speak slow results in something like

... nihon..de〜 nan mabdnshsnabsjsnjsbshssnbsjsbsjshsh ka?

Woah ok... something in Japan... couldnt catch the rest of that

Id be more understanding of this. Its hard to speak slow. Lets both acknowledge this and not - teachers compalining to principals and boys... (1) sending me a fucking video on how to speak my own damn language properly

Also. Do you know how upsetting it is to listen to a student say something perfectly but before i get to praise them - have the japanese teacher jump in and “correct” them...... no no dude please. I know youll have a fucking meltdown if i say no your ways wrong. But now this student is so confused desperately staring at me positive theyre correct and all ive come up with to do is smiling and nodding at them while repeating the way they said hoping the japanese teacher wont notice/get offended

Also togo food... if its not american fast food... generally you cant take it to go... its sad. I have no friends. I just wanna take this home to eat in front of my tv. This isnt serious. Its just a minior inconvenience

Also joking... my japanese isnt good enough to joke. And... idk how... cant explain. The other day a student asked whats my favorite food

And another went hamburger?!? Mcdonalds!!?

I wanted to comment.. but. At least elementary students understand sarcasm. Their teachers dont. And whether the middle schoolers understand and just dont care is up in the air.

Oh! And. I was right last week when i didnt trust my teachers saying that the obvious bullying was just a misunderstanding and the obvious targets fault. Another straight up teacher said some kids have left the school because of bullying and theyre really awful when left alone in the rooms... i told him thats why we cant go unsupervised in america. Japan says the students are just perfect upstanding citizens, so much more caring and mature than other students. Nope. Middle schoolers will be middle schoolers no matter what country.