#listen these are too enjoyable to make i'm just. i'm gonna do this until i've exorcised myself

[owlbelly]

moodboard → The Fool (The Farseer Trilogy / Realm of the Elderlings / Robin Hobb)

[e1dritchqueer]

All the silly mech media I've consumed so far to prepare for my beam saber game

(Ya'll I have gotten so autistic about mecha it's wild)

Okay for context I'm gonna join a Beam Saber (Narrative based mech ttrpg, it's really fucking cool) game soon and I realized that I don't know anything about mecha stuff so I decided to develop a hyperfixation (and I did!!! Luv me some gundam!!!) Anyways here's all the silly media I've gone through for both fun and research as to what "makes" the mecha genre/what the fantasy of mecha is

Underlined ones (EDIT underlines apparently don't work so I'll be putting italics and !!! next to each one I really really like) are ones I really really like and like if you're gonna play/watch anything I recommend those ones

Mobile Suit Gundam I The original Gundam series!!! Both this and the other ones are compilation films, so like yeah, some pacing stuff feels off.

Mobile Suit Gundam II

!!! Mobile Suit Gundam III !!! This one is real well done, worth going through the other two movies I think. The pacing is real tight, focuses on some fascinating ideas and themes, and yeah, I like this alot. Char and Amuro should kiss (also gahhhh frothing at the mouth at the ideas of mech rivals (and mech rivals kissing))

Titanfall 2 Is Titanfall campaign, is good

!!! War in the Pocket !!! The story about a young boy once fascinated by war and mechs until the terrifying reality of war arrives to his home. Love this one, it's real good and also a real good emotional gutpunch. Like.... yeah, I'm fond of this one

Mobile Suit Gundam Thunderbolt: December Sky This is the only one I've seen so far that I DO NOT like. Yeah the animation is good and all but it felt too voyeuristic about war in a way that did not sit well with me.

!!! 08th MS Team !!! Gundam but with Vietnam war aesthetics? Love this one love it alot, the story is real good and the backgrounds are GORGEOUS. Out of all the ones I watched this one hit the nail on the head for thematically what I was looking for. Like, it's about a pilot becoming more and more disillusion by the fact they're a soldier and seeks to escape the war, I really really like it!!!

08th MS Team: Miller's Report This is a compilation film, but a weird one, taking place between episodes six and seven, personally I think you might get some enjoyment from watching it instead of those two episodes (at least episode 8, but I'm not sure, there are some moments that I really liked from the show that were cut) but idk.

08th MS Team: Battle In Three Dimensions Short little animation, lovely :), having watched it I think Michel and Sanders should kiss???

!!! The Witch from Mercury (Watching) !!! GAY ASS MECH MOTHERFUCKERS!!! Love me some mech lesbians. But like seriously this one is real good!!! It starts off in its own universe so really good for newcomers (just need to know that there is a difference between a Gundam and a mech within the fiction of the show) I like it alot, it's high school drama with the backdrop of corporate war and space capitalism and like... it's really well done!!!

Friends at the Table: Counter/Weight (Listening) What if an actual play podcast sat down and discussed critical worldbuilding and themes, that's Friends at the Table and it rules!! This one is a more noir focused game with mechs (the system they use is literally called MechNoir) and it's essentially a group of detectives in space Berlin! Real fond of Austin Walker's stuff and Friends at the Table rule, has really inspired me as to how I can run games and what I can do as a player.

Project Nimbus (Playing) Fast mech game, fun.

!!! Heaven Will be Mine (Playing) !!! This game raises the question of what if mech rivals kissed to 11, they are also lesbians, in space, with heavy themes and symbolism, and beautiful art. I really really like this game, finished it twice, trying to 100% it but it's real good, big big big mega fave

Zeta Gundam (Watching) Sequel series to MSG, not sure how I feel about it yet but tbh I'm enjoying it, genuinely love Kamille and I love how Char is in this

!!! Umurangi Generation (Playing) !!! What if you were a photographer at the end of the world and the way the world ended specifically was Evangellion? That's essentially Umurangi Generation and it's REAL good at that, I am extremely fond of this game

Zone of the Enders: The Second Runner (Playing) Like Project Nimbus but with a better feel and also made by the some of the same people who made Metal Gear Solid and Tokimeki Memorial, fun game also all the mechs are sexy????

Phew anyways thats the stuff and my thoughts on it, mech stuff real fucking cool!!! I'm quite fond of it!!! I have so many blorbos now

[catnippackets]

How to come up with tunes basically. Like how to make music that sounds good. How to put different sounds/instruments together in a way that is enjoyable. All I have to work with is GarageBand but I feel like everything I’ve tried to make just sounds like… disorganized? Idk it never sounds like it flows well. I try to do it like the songs I’ve enjoyed do it, where it starts with one sound/instrument/beat and then more sounds are added one at a time until the additional complexity makes it sound better and better - like what you did in Help Like You. How do I do that is what I’m trying to ask, I don’t know if I’ve articulated that properly. How do you put different sounds together in a way that doesn’t sound like a mess?

this still feels very vague to me so I'm just gonna try to explain what I do and hopefully that's of at least some use to you lol I'm not good at all with explaining my process behind any art that I do so I honestly don't think you're gonna get much out of this but I'll try anyway (I also cannot read or write music so idk if that will make my advice better or worse lol)

music does not come naturally to me, at least making songs never feels very natural. usually in the past when I've made music it's felt like I would just wake up one day and my brain would know that something had to come out today and then I'd write the song and then I wouldn't be able to do it again for another like 8 months. it's a little easier to do it now though. when the melody doesn't just come to me like that I usually either fiddle around w a keyboard (I'm sure there's one in garageband if that's what you're using) and hit some notes that sound nice together and then just kind of go from there. OR what happens a lot is I'll be in bed right on the verge of falling asleep and I'll get a little tune in my head that comes from nowhere and then I have to quickly roll over and hum it into my phone before I forget it and then when I wake up I do something with it lol. usually I come up w the melody for the chorus and then for the verses you just sort of build off the chorus to do something that fits with it?? idk how else to explain it

another thing that works in my favour in this regard is I'm really bad at mimicking other people's styles (both visual art and music sounds), so if I'm listening to a song and hear like a drum beat that I really dig I can think "hm I wanna make a song with that drum beat" and then when I recreate it, it really sounds nothing like the drum beat I was trying to mimic, but it still sounds nice and then I have a nice new song that you can't tell was inspired by something else at all bc I can't copy things lol

I would say if you're having trouble, do a bunch of covers of songs you like first instead of starting with your own music. make a playlist of songs you really like and study them, see how the different sounds work with each other, and then try to recreate them, so you can see how many layers go into a song and what makes other people's songs work. you can start small, with the bass/harmony and then singing along with it, like someone who just plays the guitar or piano and sings, and then progress to adding more instruments. adding harmonies will make the melody stronger. adding a bass line (no specific instrument but it will probably be very low) will sort of support the melody and give it a little more depth without distracting from it. the beat will indicate the speed of the song (generally the beat is what you dance to, instead of the melody). you don't need all of them to make a good song, it can be as simple or complicated as you like, but there's plenty of songs out there that only use like one instrument and still sound lovely so you don't have to get too crazy, especially not at first

also I've never used garageband cuz I don't use apple products but before I bought fl studio I used bandlab, which is free for anybody to use and super easy, they have a wide range of instruments and you can also add premade loops too! just in case anyone else is reading this who can't use garageband, the layout looks very similar to it (the only annoying thing is you only get 16 layers which sounds like a lot at first but truly is not lol)

good luck!!

[meruli]

Sixfonia Music Review

I don't really care for vtubers as a genre, but recently, I've been following this one vsinger group for their non-music content because "haha funy". After a while, I decided to listen to some of their songs because I'm a self-proclaimed music enjoyer, and the result was.... not good.

(I was initially gonna keep this off tumblr, but I have so much to say about their songs that I decided to review all of them here.)

First things first, 90% of their songs are normal straight boy love songs, so I won't be talking about their lyrics. Also, I feel like most, if not all of the instrumentals in their songs are done by computer simulations and not actual instruments, which is disappointing.

J0KER×JOK3R: This is the song they use in the end-cards of all their videos, so I've been forced to listen to the chorus A LOT. I didn't really like it at first, but it started growing on me, and one of the guys (the green one) screamed before the final chorus, and screaming always makes a song better.

SHALL WE GONG!?!? -1st battle-: Boy do I have stuff to say about this one. First, the word "Gong". The first thing it brings to mind is "dong". I think it's supposed to be the Mandarin word 攻, but since that's also a bl term for tops, I can only think of dirty things looking at the title.

Onto the actual song. It starts with an AI woman saying "This is not an ordinary record." You'd think that'd be enough of a red flag, but tbh... this song is actually kinda enjoyable for me. It's mostly rapping (something they do a lot), but there's another shout before the final chorus, which, as I said, always makes a song better.

eND oF FaNTaSY.: As a tumblr user, I cannot look at the sprites in this video without going "Little German boy????" When I first started listening to this one, I was like "wtf this is so good??" I like how the instrumentals actually get quieter during the chorus, and the flow is pretty good UNTIL the final chorus, where everything falls apart. They decided to raise the key, add in some jingles, and piano keys being pressed one by one, which ruins the song's vibe and makes it sound like an ice cream truck's jingle.

SCRaP＆ReV0LuT1oN: This one's such a mess. They start, with no intro, by singing the chorus, which starts with "Let the opera resound," shaping it up to be a neo-classical song, but they started scat singing right after that?? Also, during the verses, I can't tell if they're singing off beat, or if the beat is off them. It's one of the most disjointed songs I've ever heard, but at least the chorus slaps.

絶対！キメツケ症候群: It's a goofy 47-second song. Not much to say besides that.

Can We Jazz?: No, we can't. This is the point where I realized they really like starting with vocals and no intro. The beat is really loud and I don't really like the melody, but it doesn't sound outright ugly like some of their other songs. Overall mid.

六陣革命: This one's lit. Not many funny things to say about this. The visuals are inspired by the taisho period, which is... not good (also another can of worms that I can make a whole different post about), but if you're willing to ignore that, it's a really solid song.

ただ想う、君がため。: It's a really good ballad. Beautiful melody. The harmonies (?) during the chorus are a bit too loud compared to the main melody, but that's easy to get used to after a few listens. Funny though, how this is, iirc, their only song with no rap break, even though ballads with slow rapping do exist, and they seem to put rapping in every song they can.

6-4-Sweets: This one's just mid. Not much else to say.

「好き」のかくれんぼ: I know the EXACT vibe they're trying to go for, but damn, does this just sound bad. I don't like comparing artists with each other, but this sounds like a cheap rip-off of AKB48's Iiwake Maybe and other similar songs, so why would I listen to this (which doesn't even have a good chorus), when better songs with the exact same subject and vibes exist?

(I can't post anymore videos, so I'll be continuing this in a reblog)

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #201

Do you like meatball subs? I really don't, they just make the bread soggy, which I cannot tolerate texturally.

What is your favorite smell on earth? Fresh baked goods. Cinnamon rolls are the best.

If you have a sib, do you call him/her “brother” or “sister” sometimes? I call Ashley "big sis" quite a bit, and sometimes "little sis" for Nicole.

Did you ever collect stickers? I did in my childhood for a very long time! My original dresser ended up completely covered in stickers because that's where I kept my collection of them.

Have you been baptized in any religious tradition? I was as a baby.

Do you love the smell of sunblock? I don't.

What was the last upsetting thing that happened to you? An asthma flare-up. Since my actual attack at the very end of January, I've now had FOUR more instances where my oxygen levels were on the very, very brink of "I need to go to the ER." One time I literally would've gone again if Mom hadn't told me not yet (she didn't want me waiting for hours because my oxygen wasn't low enough to be attended to immediately). I'm very stressed out about it; I'm not supposed to see a pulmonologist until June, but Mom and I are praying that there's a cancellation I can slide into.

What was the last thing you ordered from Starbucks? I've never gone there because I hate coffee. Oh wait, I have gotten a treat from there, but I can't recall what it was, this was years ago.

Do you trust your doctor? I trust my primary doctor and therapist. My current psychiatrist is an absolute fucking joke and after my last appointment, I refuse to go again. We're gonna try and set me up with a psychiatrist where my therapist is.

Do you ever question if your mother loves you? God no, I know me and my siblings are her world.

What is missing in your life? Fun. Adventure.

What is your favorite type of Lunchables? Nachos, zeeeeero competition.

What is the worst medication side effect you’ve ever had? As far as the most truly unenjoyable, vomiting. Scariest, bodily spasms and the constant state of feeling like I was on the very precipice of a seizure. What I'm assuming was probably the most dangerous, hypomania.

What is your favorite thing to order at Taco Bell? Fiesta potatoes.

What church do you go to? I don't go to church.

Do you take risks often? I really don't. I need to be more willing to. Not stupid ones of course, but sometimes risks are necessary for growth and success.

The last time you ate leftovers, what was it that you were eating? My mom made these sorta cheesecake bars to bring to Girt's the other day, because he was obsessed with them when Mom made them last, so his family got to try it and were also hooked, haha. I can't remember everything in it, but I know it included a sugar cookie base, chocolate chips (I think?), toffee bits, pecans (which you really couldn't taste, it was mostly a texture thing), and caramel.

What was the last flavor of ice cream you ate? Vanilla.

What is your favorite song at the moment? Probably "V.A.N." by Bad Omens and Poppy, at least for right now. It's not my favorite song ever, but it's newer so more enjoyable to listen to lately.

What is one thing you have too much of? fat lmao

What type of fruit do you eat the most? Apples.

Would you rather eat strawberries or watermelon? Strawberries. Watermelon is too watery to me, I don't enjoy it.

Do you prefer hamburgers or hot dogs? Burgers.

How far away do you live from the place where you were born? The hospital I was born at is barely five minutes away.

If you buried a time capsule, what would you put in it? Oh I have no idea.

Describe your clothing style in three words: Comfortable. Lazy. Dark.

What’s something you want to do more often? Be outside.

Who is your favorite YouTuber? Of all-time, Markiplier. I don't really have a favorite these days, just a few I enjoy a lot. Some of these are Game Grumps, Snake Discovery, NKFherping, John Wolfe, Shane Dawson, Woolie VS, and Gab Smolders.

Do you believe in soulmates? No.

What band or artist do you think is overrated? I just really don't care, let people enjoy the shit they like. Just because I don't enjoy an artist doesn't mean other people can't.

What’s something untrue that you believed for a long time? Uhhhh maybe that slit pupils on a snake always meant it was venomous. I've known that's incorrect for years, but I did think that was a universal rule when I was younger.

Did you skateboard when you were younger? No. I kinda passively wanted to, but was never too interested to actually learn.

Have you ever won a contest? A few, mostly related to writing ability.

What’s something weird you’ve eaten? An orange yogurt-flavored treat for guinea pigs lmao

Who is someone you would like to get to know better? An acquaintance from high school named Courtlyn. We're Facebook friends and interact sometimes, but I'd love to get to know her better.

When’s that last time you saw snow? It's been like two years. :/

Who are the 3 people you love the most? Mom, Girt, and then I'm not sure who would be #3. There's a collection of people that come to mind, not just a single one.

Last person you slept in the same bed with? Girt.

Have you recently been sick? No.

Would you marry someone if they were unable to have sex? Yeah.

Does heartbreak really feel as bad as it sounds? I think this would vary from person to person. For me, it was infinitely worse. I never would've anticipated the pain I went through.

Last reason you went to the ER? I had an asthma attack.

What facial cleanser do you use? I don't use one anymore.

Have you ever cheated on the significant other that you have now? I've never cheated on a significant other, period.

Do your parents like your boyfriend/girlfriend? They both love him and have loved him since we were teenagers.

What was the last fruit or vegetable you chopped/sliced up? An apple.

Does the last person whose house you were at like anyone? Me, I'm his girlfriend.

Do you tend to talk on the phone a lot? No, I literally hate talking on the phone. Primarily because over the phone, my auditory processing issues are worse, but also because I dislike not being able to see body language/expressions and it's just annoying to hold a phone and talk to someone and stop what I'm doing when you could just message me.

What turns you on the most? do not touch my boobies ok

Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? Yes.

Have you ever suspected anyone of cheating on you? Not seriously. I can ponder the possibility of Jason having had something going on with the girl he dated after me with how quickly they got together (over Facebook, anyway), but I genuinely do doubt this. If anything, he was over it/open to someone else quick.

Ever get caught doing something naughty with your boyfriend/girlfriend? Yes and we never addressed it and I'm thrilled about that lmfao

Do you use q-tips to clean your ears? Only occasionally, and I'm very careful when I do because overuse/going too deep with them before caused wax to dry and adhere to both of my eardrums and I had to have it suctioned out by a specialty doctor. The doc was very serious about q-tips being an awful idea for internal cleaning, but I can't stand NEVER doing it.

Have you ever swam with dolphins? No, but I'd like to.

If you/your gf became pregnant accidentally, would you consider abortion? I would get an abortion. It'd be the better option for everyone involved; yes, including the potential baby.

What was the last candy you ate? Peach rings.

Do you like zombie movies? Indifferent.

What’s the grossest/worst thing you’ve ever seen in a public restroom? Blood completely covering the underside of the seat.

Have you ever volunteered in a hospital? If not, would you ever want to? No to both.

How do you feel about runny egg yolks? The concept of that going in my mouth makes me want to fucking hurl.

Have you ever hidden a relationship from your family? No.

Who was the worst friend you ever had? Colleen, when it boils down to it.

When was the last time you made plans with someone? What are you going to do with that person? A couple days ago, at least loosely. Girt and I are gonna hang out here this weekend. Dunno what day yet.

Are you close to your extended family? Do you wish you were closer? No; yes.

While on the road, do you play any road games? No.

Have you ever picked apples before? Not really, like at an orchard or something, but I have picked a wild apple out of a tree (it was on a friend's property; we all did it, with the owner) and it was the best apple I ever had.

Are you scared of semi-trucks? Especially when you’re driving next to one? I'm terrified of them. I get tense when I'm in a car where the driver is near one.

Do you have a fence? Along the back and one side of the house, we do.

If you have any pets, do you talk to them in a baby voice? uh, duh

Who was the last person to comfort you? My mom during one of those bad asthmatic episodes.

Do you think that in the end, everything will fall into place? Not necessarily, no. This sadly doesn't happen to everyone. Some people just live a shitty story with no pleasant resolution, no matter what they do.

What was the last thing you swallowed? Flavored water.

Do you like cats? I adore cats. I'm glad Girt's an obsessed cat dad now too because that means more cats in our future, haha.

On a scale of one to ten how much do looks matter to you? In a potential partner? Probably like... 2 or 3.

What are you listening to? "The Death of Peace of Mind" by Bad Omens.

What’s the closest pink object to you? There's pastel pink on the tumbler my sister gave me that I use for my flavored waters.

Are you afraid of thunderstorms? So, yes, but I can also enjoy them. I only get scared when there's a tornado risk.

Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy? No. But I know historically, I've been happier when with a partner.

How much effort did you put into your last relationship? Before my current one? I put my all into it. I mean, at the time, I thought I was in love with this person. And when I feel like that, I go all in.

Do you have impulse control? Yes, at least to a degree. I can tell you I'm not the best at controlling my mouth when I'm hurt, but I'm definitely better than I was as a teen.

Would you do anything on a dare? Nope. I don't even go along with dares, I'll do what I want to and not do what I don't want to.

[suburbanflats]

that interview i linked last night? yeah. i watched the entire thing in one sitting earlier today. i forgot i had a body so out of the way i'm gonna go over very quickly my knowledge on each youtuber featured here ~~~ zack - used to watch him before he even started pvz via another guy. but that's not relevant. he got me into gw zero - i literally picked up some of his speech patterns, he's the reason i got gw2 wolfy - i do NOT like this guy's content but i have nothing against him as a person pvzabfan - i listen to the music rips apple - never even heard of this guy until like a month ago redhead - i don't really watch him twothless - sometimes watch him if i'm bored bob - never really watched and the other two i had never heard of ~~~ i'm gonna talk about each person individually and how they answered the questions and what i got from it ~~~ so zack's segments i really enjoyed listening to but his answers on things were very well........ ZackScott. he plays it very safe even in this interview but i don't think that's bad. it's still nice to hear his opinions that he can't really talk about in traditional gameplay videos. he's not the most attention grabby or flashy guy and that came out in his answers but i found that to fine. i don't remember any specific questions to him though zero's i found SO interesting because of his position, close ties to the companies and also k... kinda villainisation within the community? it was nice seeing him act more relaxed and get a little more criticismy since his channel is overall very cheery (one of the draws imo). i especially liked listening to him talk about how people do not seem to understand his relationship to ea and popcap, since i've seen some straight up Just Incorrect things said abt him on reddit. i also appreciate that he didn't criticise things that didn't warrant criticism wolfy...... i. i did agree with him on most things. which feels weird considering i do not like his content. but it was really nice seeing him articulate his opinions beyond snappy jokes or whatever he does in his videos that makes his fans rabid beasts and i like that he was very straight forward with his answers to things pvzabfan talked about things from a music and mod standpoint, which i didn't care as much for in this case but overall still very interesting stuff apple's bits were fun, though i still don't find him a fun youtuber to watch. he did go very critism heavy which was a fun contrast to zero and zack still trying to overall be positive abt things redhead was pretty neutral for me. i don't really watch him so but it was nice seeing a bfn youtuber, since everyone else was gw or gw2 twothless' i really enjoyed to. it was cool hearing what he sounds like and his story of how he got known by zack. he was a lot more soft spoken so i did zone out a tad bit but i liked what he brought up bob's was also pretty neutral for me. i didn't really get anything from him epnn10's i didn't care to listen to (bit too meta-y for my tastes) and jj(?)'s bits were also neutral for me

~~~ the questions brought up were all pretty fun and i'd love to answer the general questions myself if possible (even if i'm a bit of a late player). the channel tailored questions were also nice and i like that you could see everyone's personalities coming through when they were talking. it really reminds me of why i gravitate towards zero's content while someone else could gravitate towards someone else's, it's not who's better it's who fits what you want from videos and humour the editing on the video was also really enjoyable to watch (yes i sat through the thing watching it, i'll mention why at the end) and i'm genuinely shocked the community hasn't tried doing this more then again considering how weird people are towards zack, zero, wolfy, and say creeps (even if he's a pvz2 youtuber people are relentless to him on reddit). i'm not surprised the reason why i was watching the visuals was so that i could see everyone's visualisers and stuff. i rather notoriously amongst my friends love accents and voices and also visualisers are eye candy for me. but it was FASCINATING seeing who's visualisers would spike where and how far they would go like zero was so fucking loud at so many points, twothless' was extremely "mild" while wolfy's raspiness made the entire visualiser get a bit silly

the video also made me reflect on my opinions on bfn and how weird it was coming to the game over 3 years late like i didn't even know about it until december 2019, to give a reference (which was brought up in the interviews) and the marketing looking in from a later date was weird as hell video link i highly recommend it

[startreatment]

i can't believe i haven't asked for your in depth thoughts on the car yet but i am asking it now! has the top 5 changed?

so i just checked and my top 5 was mirrorball, big ideas, hello you, sculptures and mr schwartz and tbh i don't think it did. i'm not sure about mr schwartz, i think it might be switched for the car or jet skis on the moat, but yeah. some thoughts on each track individually:

there'd better be a mirrorball: instant classic, come on now! gorgeous production, THE STRINGS!!, smooth vocals, so hazy, beautiful and atmospheric. i cried to it more times than i am willing to admit, it really is a tearjerker. i've seen some people say that lyrics are the weakest part of the album, which i obviously disagree with, but especially on this one. it's pretty simple, but still effective and touching. "i'd throw the rose tint back on the exploded view darling, if i were you" always gets me.

i ain't quite where i think i am: FUN!! the weakest one on the album, but i genuinely love it. WAAAAAAH!! i am a she looks like fun enjoyer as well, so i guess i just like having fun idk?

sculptures of anything goes: no words to adequately explain the sheer grip this one has on me. everything i wanted and more. so dark, ominous, rich and textured, we love her!! and the title's very cool, too. it is a career highlight idc what y'all say!! 5 years from now we're gonna treat it with the same respect and love we treat crying lightning, four out of five and other pretties. love. alex turner work on a portishead inspired album challenge

jet skis on the moat: didn't grab me on the first listen, but it's actually very cute! gives me western vibes, one of the songs that reminds me of TBHC the most, for some reason. love the way he delivers "or are you just happy to sit there and watch while the paint job dries?". "you know that it's alright if you're wanna cry" thank you alex, but i have been bawling since the first track so <3

body paint: still sad it didn't live up to my very high expectations that were set up by that damn kings theatre live "leak", but i appreciate it way more in context. the piano riff is insane tho, sometimes it just randomly plays in my head throughout the day. also, really enjoy the first lyric. "for a master of deception and subterfuge you've made yourself quite the bed to LIE in" ok we get it you're very funny. also. "and i'm keeping on my costume and calling it a writing tool"? yeah he's.......... mhm

the car: ruins me the same way ultracheese does, which means i sob uncontrollably until i feel like there's no air around me at all. childhood memories always get me so hard and the strings add a sense of melancholy i can't handle. very sick of them to put it in the middle of the fucking record! anyway, it kinda reminds me of faust arp by radiohead, which is a win, because in rainbows is very good. good track!

big ideas: have i ever said that we should artists grow? let them change and flourish and explore new things? hm, idk. lyrically it's a bit too on the nose, which is not what i was expecting at all, but it's a welcome change from cryptic TBHC lyrics. sometimes i just want him to say what he thinks, you know? and we're gonna stop analysing the lyrics now, because i don't wanna get upset.

hello you: the first make me hold my breath and stop me in my tracks no matter what i'm doing (kinda like nfwmb foof and diwk do so. do with that what you will). that piano riff (? can you call it that idk i know nothing about music) is CRAZYYYY. also plays in my head throughout the day, so catchy and fun. lego napoleon moveh. vortex to vortex. the buisness they call show. 'ello gruesome. HELLOOOO YOU. might be my favourite from the record if i'm being completely honest. sorry, i love a good instrumental, what can i say. i actually saw someone say it's pattern with no miles, which is pretty accurate!

mr. schwartz: my head hurts. again, not getting into the lyrics, but i HAVE to point out that "and if wе guess who i'm pretending to be, do we win a prize?" makes me wanna lay down for a sec. also FINGERPICKING!!

perfect sense: why is it so short. melancholic (what a surprise), but doesn't make me wanna die! it's the type of melancholy that you feel when you're watching the last episode of your favourite show. a nice farewell song that sounds sad but hopeful, a gorgeous closer. they Know how to write a good closing track for sure. love it!!

my overall review: makes me cry, but it's very good. would love to have a couple more tracks that sound like i ain't quite or hello you to dilute the ... whatever's going on in the middle that makes me sob, but i can also appreciate the fact that it's just 10 tracks. still, we want b-sides @ am. make it happen!!!!! a 9/10, already in my top 3 (which is tbhc > humbug > fwn = the car), taylor swift cant't relate

[alexstorm]

Tbh, at this point I’m more excited about the Wu-Tang/Nas concert. 😬 For which btw I paid the same amount and I get two superstar acts that exist longer than AM. Not that I’m complaining about the ticket price policy of rich white rock bands. 🤣//Likewise, I’m only going to Sheffield because I have never seen them as a band. The venue will be way too large for me. I’ve seen TLSP twice but at smaller venues. I’m not a fan of stadium concerts; they’re a rip off, whatever happened to economies of scale? I think they should consider the venue size for future events. Mod , you mentioned that the last two albums are less suited for stadiums but smaller venues. I’m a fan of all their work as many are but there some fans who are not. Perhaps they should consider smaller/larger venues and play specific albums? Saw TLSP in 2008 at Leeds Academy;they got heckled by someone, who obviously wasn’t expecting the change in musical direction but Alex shut him down excellently. Enjoy Wu-Tang/Nas

Not a fan of stadiums/arenas either. They never give me the enjoyment of a typical gig. You're staring at a screen for most of the 90 minutes and you drink expensive beer. I could do the same with a concert film at home.

I think they should've considered the venues for the albums they were supporting on tour at the time. Arenas were fine for the AM album but for TBHC and The Car the venues should've been smaller and more intimate instead of trying to squeeze out the maximum. For example I'm gonna see Wu-Tang/Nas in an amphitheatre which adds to the excitement because it's a special venue instead of the multi-purpose arena AM are gonna play. I'm willing to pay 80+ € but then make it special and don't phone it in.

I found out after the fact that I could've seen EYCTE era Alex in all his gorgeous glory. But 2016 was a rough year and after Prince died I've just checked out mentally and focused on writing my thesis only listening to his music. So I didn't realise they had released an album and were on tour (in the city I lived in at the time) until they dropped the EP at the end of the year. Needless to say I'm still angry with myself.

[keefwho]

April 09 - 2024 Tuesday

11:19pm

4/10

This morning I cleaned my toilet like I said. I spent a chunk of time figuring out that my spray bottle can't spray vinegar for some reason. I took my shower and made breakfast stir fry again with sausage this time.

For work I warmed up with rabbit sketches. I picked a sort of relevant animal to start practicing since I want to get better at drawing furries in general. I work on 57's commission and it got stressful at the end because he wants me to go above and beyond with the fluids. Its difficult and time consuming.

Before lunch I got in VR and was searching for a cozy wooden bathhouse world to do some writing in. I couldn't find one and settled for a more grand, stone bathhouse. I spent some time writing some thoughts down that I need to communicate soon. For lunch I made a chow mien ramen bowl in the pan with my own mixed vegetables and an applesauce.

The request today happened to be for DS on Unicorn Day of all days and it wasn't even rigged. I did a quick little lineless doodle after looking around for inspiration. Then I started working on my own stuff for an hour. DV wanted to call me while I worked to get some things off his chest regarding that SN person of his. He pointed out some things to me that kinda got me upset but he definitely didn't mean to. I listened to him until he had to go eat and I finished up my work. Then I finished BR's NSFW avatar edit before quitting for the day.

I spent my evening poking around Twitter and watching Twitch. I didn't do much of note. I was mostly waiting for DS since we were gonna do a furry tier list. When she became free, we did that and a couple other tier lists while she job searched. I took great enjoyment doing a live Cartoon Male Hotties list but it was too long for us to finish.

In bed we did puzzles and jumped straight to KH2 since it was so late. I only got a little further in Hallow Bastion. After she was asleep, I had some 'me time' I'm ashamed about because I keep fantasizing about scenarios where I'm put down. It's fun every now and then but continuing to do it has been hurting my self esteem. It seems easy enough to just think of something else but it's hard when I don't even feel worth it in my own fantasies.

~~~

Today was going well until the afternoon. Then I started thinking about some things and spiraling a little bit. And feeling really shitty about my life in general. I realize I'm not proud of any period of my life prior to maybe 2 years ago. I think usually when I say I hate myself, I hate past me. There really is not much to like about how I was back then. I REALLY hate that old me. I am chock full of regret.

On the opposite side I've been thinking about how I really do deserve someone that makes me feel wanted and is heal over heels for me just like I am for them. Its also just starting to seem possible that I could even accept a reality like that. Slowly growing my self worth is opening up a lot of possibilities.

[feuqueerfire]

2023 Series Overview + Stats

2022 OVERVIEW (SHOWS, SHIPS) + STATS

It's the end of January 2024 but I realized I didn't end up doing a 2023 Series Overview and Summary, so I thought I'd do one now. Unlike the 2022 series overview where I was more prepared, had watched a lot more, and had even rewatched the favourites and almost-favourites of the year, I'm very unprepared this time.

So, it's gonna be shows & movies I watched in 2023 and my ratings for them until today (240128) without really having rewatched anything (except Beyond Evil).

I wonder if I'll rewatch some of these at the end of 2024 (along with the 2024 rewatches) and whether that'll change the rankings or my feelings at all.

I think I've decided that these yearly overviews will not change/be edited regardless of whether I come to really like a show afterward or change the ratings or whatever - a snapshot in time.

Favourite Shows

The shows released before 2023 will have (release year) beside them.

Top 3 Shows Watched in 2023:

Beyond Evil

My School President

Strangers From Hell (2019)

Beyond Evil: The only show that I watched in 2023 that I have since properly rewatched (I literally watched all 16 episodes this January 2024 without really skimming or speeding it up despite having watched the whole thing already. The characters, especially the mains Juwon and Dongshik gave me so many brainworms, the acting was great, the relationships among the characters was great, the mystery and suspense succeeded for me. Great show all around, actually it's making me wonder why it's a 8/10 and not at a 8.5.

My School President: This was so fun and introduced me to Gemini and Fourth, which was another delight. The OST and singing aspect of this was so good, for which I am eternally thankful. I think I liked the first half of the show better than the second half, which I thought for long-winded; otherwise, it might've also earned an 8 from me. Haven't rewatched the show properly but have watched some reactions to the earlier episodes and also listened to people's podcast episodes, as expected.

Strangers From Hell (2019): Out of these 3, this is the one I've thought the least about since watching and also haven't rewatched, so I remember the least about. So who knows, maybe I'll rewatch and be bored or something but it was so good while I watched it, the vibes so unsettling and strange and weird. Great acting, great story, should rewatch. It's also the first non-BL kdrama that I watched in a long time and was the reason I started watching more of them again, especially the thrillers/mysteries with no romance but homoerotic undertones lol

Next 4 - Liked A Lot:

Not quite the top 3 but I thoroughly enjoyed these. Unordered because they're all 7/10.

Moonlight Chicken

Derry Girls S1 (2018)

Alice in Borderland S1 (2020)

The Devil Judge (2021)

Only 1 BL, one non-BL with homoerotic undertones, 1 English-speaking comedy, and a death game thriller. Also from different countries: Thailand, Ireland, Japan, South Korea.

Ranges from fun/funny, thrilling, exciting, and heartfelt. They definitely all made an impression on me and have good acting/production value/story/etc, but maybe a thing or two disappointed me, or I just haven't connected with it enough to think about it too often. Still overall good shows that I liked a lot.

These were generally good, but just something was missing - either there was a production/story/acting issue that was bothering me a lot, or the production was very good, but it failed to take up any brain space after I finished watching. 6.5/10 in my rating.

Never Let Me Go

Midnight Motel

Choco Milk Shake (2022)

Happiness (2021)

Derry Girls S2 (2019)

Derry Girls S3 (2022)

A Shoulder To Cry On

So Long, See You Tomorrow (2021)

The Merciless (2017)

Bed Friend

Alice in Borderland S2 (2022)

Bloodhounds

The Eighth Sense

Enigma

Stay With Me

Our Dating Sim

High enjoyment or fondness, lacked in either production/acting/writing: Never Let Me Go, A Shoulder To Cry On (except the last ep rip), Stay With Me (it actually didn't lack in production and stuff either and is better than medium levels),

High production/acting, but lacked in making me care or be as invested as I should’ve been: Happiness, Alice in Borderland S2, Bloodhounds (okay idk where to put this because first 6 eps were so good - ep 6 itself is fucking wild but the ending sucked rip), The Eighth Sense, Our Dating Sim

These had medium levels of both production and fondness but not enough to think about often or be great: Midnight Motel, Choco Milk Shake, Derry Girls S2/S3, So Long, See You Tomorrow (can't remember a single thing about this but I must've liked it from my review of it lol), The Merciless, Bed Friend, Enigma,

I think these should be lower actually maybe, like a 6/10 not 6.5 but I haven't rewatched them and don't remember a lot, so who knows: The Merciless, Bloodhounds, Midnight Motel, Choco Milk Shake, Bed Friend

Could Climb Higher - could be bumped up to a 7/10 if I love it upon rewatch and end up thinking about the characters more: Stay With Me, Eigth Sense, Our Dating Sim

Special Mentions: The rest of the shows I watched were rated lower than 6.5/10, though there were still a few that I have some fondness for because I like the concept/the acting pair/it just gave me something I wanted. This includes Island (literally only Cha Eunwoo's cool young priest character), Our Skyy 2 (some eps), I Go To School Not By Bus (2015) (idk that specific running away to bathroom scene and making out is so good), We Are Gamily (2017), ummmm I skimmed through eps 10-15 of Addicted Heroin (2016) (didn't watch anything before that) but there are certain very specific parts that I liked and get why it gave everybody brainworms.

Favourite Pairs (characters):

Lee Dongshik/Han Juwon (Beyond Evil): They are not a real couple in the show and yet... have read so much fic about them and in my head, they are indeed in love after all this mess. I don't have much to say, I just love their antagonistic relationship turning into something so tender (though still jagged) and it turning into something more after the ending

Tinn/Gun (My School President): cuties, my cuties. Adorable.

Don't have a third one, I don't think? so strange

Special Mentions: 

Palm and Nueng (Never Let Me Go)

Heart and Li Ming (Moonlight Chicken)

in my head, Ajin and Fa (Enigma) -not canon

Favourite Pairs (actors):

Fourth and Gemini, I think they're the only pair that I became interested in 2023 and like followed fanaccounts and stuff. I'm so looking forward to them in future projects (My Love Mix-Up was at Q10 very recently, I'm waitingggg). Incredibly talented young people, both in terms of acting but also the performances they did at the concert like oh nice

Favourite Side Pairs

Can't remember a single one except Heart and Li Ming (Moonlight Chicken)

Biggest Disappointments

To be a disappointment, I had to have at least semi-high hopes

Be My Favorite: This one was a real disappointment because I've been looking forward to it for so long. In fact, I'd been looking forward to it since I saw the original trailer with Mike and people were still insisting they wouldn't watch it and were booing Krist because I thought the synopsis was intriguing and liked the chemistry of the ship. I was so happy when everybody seemed to love the show and it's such a shame that in the end, I'm the one who ended up bored and feeling nothing for this show...

Happiness: Not a super big disappointment because it was still a good show and it wasn't super hyped but I thought I'd like it more because I've only heard good things about it. Also thought I'd like it more when I first started because I liked the beginning few eps quite a bit before it fell into a lull in the middle.

General Stats

Total Watched: 44 entries in my spreadsheet, less than half of the 104 completed in 2022 - makes sense because I watched very little in the latter 6 months of 2023. Without the following below, 39 newly completed series/movies/shorts in 2023.

1 DNF (The New Employee)

2 Rewatches (Midnight 2021, Kiss Me Again Pete/Kao cut)

1 Survival Show (Boys Planet)

1 extreme skimming (Addicted Heroin 2016)

Release date 2023 vs earlier: 23 vs 21

Almost half and half, interestingly. My to-watch list now has fewer BL/GL from earlier than 2023 but more het/non-romance kdramas from earlier since I've watched a lot of the earlier BLs that I'm interested in but have barely dipped into kdramas.

Queer vs non-queer: 23 vs 20

The non-queer shows may still have some queerness (Claire is a lesbian in Derry Girls, trans girl in Alice in Borderland, etc.) but it's not the main character or the main plot and not a significant enough side plot

lol didn't count Boys Planet in this but it feels queer fr

Also 50-50 surprisingly. Some non-queer shows like Derry Girls, Alice in Borderland, and Island have 2-3 seasons, so that bulks it up just a bit

BL vs GL in Queer shows: 21.5 vs 1.5

0.5 to each for We Are Gamily

rip my fawking GLs for reallll but hopefully I'll have a more fruitful lesbian-watching year because there are like 5 that I have on MDL that seem promising (and have also watched Bottoms this January)

Romance-Centric vs Non-Romantic in Non-Queer Shows: 3 vs 17

in the Non-Romantic shows, this many shows have very homoerotic undertones (regardless of whether I ship): ~6 (Bloodhounds, Midnight Museum, Beyond Evil, Devil Judge, Strangers From Hell, The Merciless)

Some of these also had het undertones/side couples: 5 (Tomorrow, Island S1/S2, Enigma, Midnight Motel)

Number of shows per month: 6, 4, 10, 4, 5, 7, 7 (July to November), 0

Please this funny spread, I really just fell off on watching shows in the last half of the month because I was preoccupied with ZB1

Didn't count Boys Planet (August)

Average rating: 6.3 (higher than last year, so that's nice)

[raspberryconverse]

So I just did the 5 Current Favorite Songs thing and I had mentioned that I really wanted a good post-pubescent version of Hanson's Thinking of You. I've been a big Hanson fan from the start (not big enough/too cheap to join their fan club, but maybe one of these days I will for a little bit and download all of the Members Only EPs they put out every year). A lot of people only think of MMMBop when they think of Hanson (especially the original version where Taylor and Zac's voices haven't changed), but they are so much more than that. They have a huge catalog, especially after leaving their label and starting their own.

That experience is a crazy story on its own, very similar to the current Paramour situation. There is a whole documentary on it a friend of theirs made. When I was in college, they did a tour of college campuses where they screened it and also did interviews at the different schools' radio stations. I was a radio major and even though I wasn't on the air, I basically demanded doing the interview with the morning host for that day (He became a fan after that too. At graduation, we got a photo together and he said, "We'll always have Hanson.").

Anyway, the problem with Middle of Nowhere is because they were so young when they recorded it, Taylor's voice was changing while they were recording the album (listen to Weird and you'll hear a major difference in Taylor's voice versus a lot of the album) and Zac's didn't change until after. So while I love Thinking of You, I don't love Taylor's squeaky changing voice or Zac's very high voice. It's not bad, but it's not my favorite.

So I really wanted to find a version of Thinking of You that was recorded after their voices changed and I didn't really like the one that I found. I searched today and I found 3 more versions and one of them I think might be one to figure out if I can download it and just save the audio for my own personal enjoyment (I also need to do that with this cover of Wake Up Exhausted by Alkaline Trio featuring Tegan Quinn. I used to have it somewhere but I'm not sure where).

This is the version I originally found and it's fine, but there's too much screaming. That's half my beef with live tracks. Too much screaming and on live albums, they always have the banter for the next song tacked onto the end of the previous song (I never understood why they do that. It would make more sense to have that at the start of the song or a separate track. I just want to hear the song. I rarely listen to a live album from front to back after the first time)

I do like that they picked a key that they all can sing in comfortably and that the instrumental part of the bridge has the drums and keyboard balanced correctly. Zac's drumming in this song is phenomenal (which if you think about the fact that he was 11 when they wrote it, is even more amazing). The keyboard part is also an important part of the bridge and in other versions it gets lost because it's not mixed right.

This one isn't bad when it comes to the screaming, but you can tell in the second verse and on the chorus that they're using the original key with Taylor dropping down an octave. Zac's voice is starting to change, so when he has his solo line in the second verse, you can tell he's struggling to hit those notes. Zac is definitely the tenor of the group now (Taylor is the baritone and Isaac is the bass), but they either should have dropped the key down or seen if Zac could handle his part an octave lower. Other than that, this one is a decent version.

This one is actually not bad for Zac's voice not having changed, but there's still a little too much screaming. The harmonies in the chorus just sound a little off because Zac is in a different octave than Taylor and Isaac. But what are you gonna do? Puberty comes when it wants to.

I also like in the video how they focus on Zac for the instrumental part of the bridge. He's 12 here. 12! That drumming is pretty incredible, but especially so for a kid that young.

I like this version because the key is right and the crowd noise is minimal, but the instrumental part of the bridge is what ruins it. It's supposed to be more of a call and answer and you don't really hear it in this version. You can't hear the keyboard part at all. It would be perfect otherwise.

This version is probably the best one I've found. They're in a good key for everyone and everyone's voices have changed, so the harmonies are tighter. Zac still struggles on his solo line and that's not great. The instrumental part of the bridge is perfectly mixed, though. You hear the both the keyboards and the drums, which really are the stars of that part of the song.

What I also love about this version is they do a bit of a fake ending. They start to play the outro, but then go back to the bridge and that's really cool. If Zac didn't struggle on his solo line, it'd be perfect.

So that's my in depth analysis of one of my favorite Hanson songs that there aren't a lot of recordings of. If you made it to the end, leave a comment and let me know what you think. Do you agree? What's your favorite version?

[glassmarcus]

A Collection of Battle Network Ramblings

*Played in April 2022, Written in July 2023

Megaman Battle Network 1 is universally claimed as "The one you skip". I've heard for years that the Battle Network series essentially starts at 2. As someone who had only played Battle Network 3 and 4 up until this point, I can't say I was excited to go back to the roots of the sub series. But I bought the whole collection. I wasn't just gonna leave 1/3rd of my purchase untouched. So I ignored the populace and started from the beginning. So now I can confirm that Megaman Battle Network 1 is not worth playing and that everyone was right and I should have listened.

It's not that it has no merit, it's that every other game afterwards invalidates it. There's nothing really unique about the game worth salvaging. I also finished Megaman Battle Network 2 and it is a direct vertical upgrade in every category. The only reason to play this is to understand the overarching plot of the series, but playing the game itself is probably the worst way to digest this plot. A summary of it gets the same job done. Heck I’d say I was more engaged in the first half of the anime that loosely covers the story of the first game.

As a stand alone product though, Megaman Battle Network is fine. Not fine in that it's adequate in most of its efforts, but fine in that it fails at everything except the one thing it needed to nail. The Combat in this is nothing short of brilliant. So many RPGs of that time period leaned on decision making and preparedness being the crux of their Battle Systems. Battle Network is compiled a bit different. It's both turn based and active. Planning is just as important as execution. Some battles can be won before they even start because you had the right game plan; Some up hill victories can be stolen just because you're simply good at moving around and shooting. It's the perfect blend of skill, strategy, and testing your luck. And it's quick too. It never waste your time with drawn out animations and scripted sequences, and if you die the game reloads immediately. Very rarely do I run around in an old game and just hope I get jumped by a new group of enemies. But this game achieves that by being thrilling and gratifying the whole way through.

Everything else about the game IS wack though. If the combat in this was the slightest bit middling, the experience would be unambiguously bad. It poured all the sauce into one area and refused to spread it out. The battles carry this entire game on its broad burly shoulders. This Combat radiates massive knee buckling Main Character Energy. It is the Wilt Chamberlain of RPG Battle Systems. The map design is convoluted and labyrinthine. The dialogue is nonsense. There are no quality of life features in sight. Each stage gimmick is more obnoxious than the last. But....the 5th member of the team is Wilt Chamberlain. So there’s going to be a decent amount of points on the board no matter what. That's how enjoyable fighting weird virus monsters is in this.

But that's all mechanics and design. What truly pushes this into being a game worth wading through mediocrity is the art direction. All of these character redesigns are A+ winners. Megaman had this early anime look to it (as it was definitely inspired by Astro Boy), thus the characters had somewhat of a western tinge to them and weren't afraid to have bold shapes. I love this about the original Megaman. But I also love early 2000s sleek anime aesthetic so having versions of these characters within this frame work is a big draw to me. I would spend the entire playthrough wondering what the next boss was gonna be and how cool they would look. Sure I've seen the anime, so it's not like I'm completely blind, but I was 6. I hadn't played classic Megaman yet. Now that I have, I can truly appreciate the value of seeing a character you've grown fond of with a new look of lateral quality. It's strange, I've played so much classic Megaman that it's the version of the character that springs to my mind first. But the exe version of the character is the first one I was exposed to. So in a way that will always be MY Megaman. The great thing about this franchise is that you can have multiple subseries at once. Nothing replaces Megaman. X didn't replace Classic. Trigger didn't replace X. Geo kinda replaces exe, but if they made a Battle Network 7 anyway I wouldn't be shocked. I would even be thrilled. Because I would love to see a Battle Network game with more than a few months of development time. These games are woefully unfinished. 2 is a better game for sure, but it still has plenty of cracks that become glaring in the back half of the game.

Battle Network 2 adds tons of material to the formula to make the experience feel complete. There are out of battle items now, so there are more things to spend currency on other than chips. You can run from battles whenever. The levels are still labyrinths, but they at least look different from one another. The most substantial addition is styles, different forms Megaman can take based on the play style you prefer. Unlocking these is really cool as they force you to try out different strategies to unlock different styles. If you want shield style, you play defensively; if you want guts style, play aggressively. It's an interesting way to level up your character and I wish it didn't take 160 battles to unlock some of these. Not that I mind doing that many battles, I just would have preferred unlocking more by the end of the game.

The addition of lasting damage also does a lot to push you into playing differently. In the first game, you recover all HP after each fight. So there's no difference between a perfectly executed battle and an ugly one. A win is a win. Sure you get ranked, but no one cares about that really. It made the adventure less stressful but also less dynamic. 2 leans into dynamism by functioning like a traditional RPG and not a Xenoblade game. If you get hit, you sustain that damage until you log out or heal. So unlike the first game, I went into battles trying my best not to get hit and prioritize healing rather than face fucking my way to victory. It also made me consider using money on items that could heal me or reduce encounters. It encouraged better play and while I appreciate how forgiving the first game is, the second does a much better job in getting you to understand the system.

But even though it's better across the board. None of its core issues are solved. While the level design isn't as offensive, it's still a dull and confusing world to traverse. There is still no map, there are still no interesting looking areas or secrets, and there are still translation mistakes around every corner. And I've seen into the future. I know what the next two games are like and they both do nothing to alleviate these issues. I doubt the last two are any different. Why would they be? They were made with zero time. These are are changes that are only made when there is ample time to plan a game and include bells and whistles at the end of production. None of these games have that luxury. But they could. You know why Megaman X, X2, and X4 are pretty widely regarded as the best Megaman games? Because they are the only ones that are fully cooked. Battle Network needs a chance to make its complete game instead of getting only 9 months to make 20 hour games. Capcom has been killing it for the past half decade and everything they touch is gold. Building a good game around this great combat is something I have complete faith they can do. It might be too early to have this take. Battle Network 5 and 6 may do everything I want the series to do, but I doubt it and I’m pretty comfortable being presumptuous in this case. And between a Megaman 12, a Megaman X9, and a Battle Network 7, I would gladly take a Battle Network 7. There’s still so much untapped potential here.

[pretzelboxtissue]

OTW NettspendxXavier

Not gonna act like I know very much about these two artists, or that I even fw their music very much. Only recently did I start making somewhat of an effort to listen to the music of either of these two artists. I've known of Xavier for at least 3 years, but always categorized him as a son of Hi-C and didnt really check out much of his stuff. Nettspend was just some white boy that I would occasionally see people talk about on twitter. After listening to a few songs here and there, I couldnt say that I was a fan of either of their music. I didnt dislike it, but it just wasnt something that I was going to listen to. Recently though, I did come across "otw" by Nettspend featuring Xav. I cannot listen to this song without replaying it at least 4 times. The charged up beat initially drew me in, and was most of what i registered for the first 30 sec or so of the song. Nett's vocals were just there in the background for me until I registered what he was talking about. He was sayin he had a G3 in his lap on the way to some dude's condo. The absurdity of the lyrics made me laugh, and then what followed was the most yell-able verse in the song: "Bitch u made it hot, so get up out the spot thooooo." Gotta have a good recitable part of a song. The next parts of enjoyment of the song have nothing to do with sonics, but everything to do with the lyrics. None of what I am about to say though, is to claim that these two contain laudable lyricism. I enjoyed understanding what Nettspend was talking about when he said "Vivid rollin hot, and we smokin on this frontoo," because these niggas be rollin shit hot asf with the grabba in it in NY. Most of Xavier's feature was just sound, as he slurred how bitches wanted to fuck but he just wanted throat and shit, but what did stand out to me was one of the affirmations he said towards the end —"When I go up I'm havin 1c castle." Nothin crazy at all. Sure some would be like "nigga why did that stick out to you," but shit im tryna speak this shit into existence too, so hell yea rock out bruh. I appreciated that he said that because I recognized him as sayin "ay, we otw and when we go up we finna get that 1c castle!" A castle nigga, you dont hear niggas sayin they gon get a castle. it's laughable. Skip forward some and Xav is talking about how he's the 1c enterprise captain and how everyone is gonna get a fraction. What's not to love about that. What's interesting is that with each listen of the song, I'm mostly able to find some new element of the song that I can enjoy. This time it may be a small chuckle I let out when I hear Xav sayin, "yea they ask me how I do it ion eeen knooo," the next it may be appreciation for Xav sayin he love his bitch and that he dont care about no past partner he's had (i'm a sap ik). On the 4th listen of the day it may be the irony of Nettspend's overall character that makes the entire song funny to me, and 15 listens later it may be that exact same irony that still is enough to make me laugh when I hear the song. Pretty good song. I crank it up everytime I let it play. I dont feel that it's amazing or anything, but yea it's serving its purpose right now. I'm enjoying that I was able to like a song by these two artists and that it allows me to be able to participate in the shared hype of these artists in the underground. I honestly still feel the same way about the rest of these dude's music though—can't say that im a fan of either of them still, but thats ok.

[supraventriculart]

"Everything takes it's toll but there's no tolls I can take

I haven't yet found a good reason to be awake"

Reckon at this point help is too much to ask. I don't know what's wrong or what's happening. Everything is empty and joyless now.

I used to hate myself vehemently while still being able to enjoy things I like. But now it's all dark empty. Now I can't even listen to music to help. My last remaining close friend is all I have left to make me feel alive.

I hope he knows how much I love him. That unspoken contract of men not talking about their feelings is always there. I know he knows I love him. I know he knows I crush on him. But how much does he know? Should I write a song for him? That didn't go anywhere the first time.

There's nothing left. existence is just waiting until I can sleep now. And it's not like I have a job or anything, I'm just staring at my phone until I go to sleep. If I die, nobody is gonna notice. A whole 4 people even know I exist outside my house. I don't speak many words a day anymore. It's mostly just singing to myself.

I don't want to kill myself but my other options are disappearing. And I've been lost inside of this desolate warp for so many years that I don't have a clue what "normal" feels like. If I die, not many are gonna notice. It's not gonna effect much of anything.

I used to be able to talk out my feelings with friends all the time. But years of "I hate everything and want to die" have got to be getting old. And people are all I have left, so I cannot risk bothering them. It's fundamentally against my existence to bother a friend.

To ask for help is to vent to a friend again. And that risks bothering them. Which wouldn't be so bad in the context of asking for help, but I never take the advice I'm given. I continue to lay here and deteriorate.

I feel like I've lost my mind too. I can't think like I once could. I used to so thoroughly enjoy thinking philosophically and mentally tampering with the limits of reality. Can't even do that anymore. Now I just consume and think as little as possible about anything.

Should've brained myself while I was still with my ex.

Speaking of her, I still haven't dealt with that. The whole breakup happened without me feeling a thing. I still have yet to feel anything. I chose not to after having been through so much anguish over her. I'm sure that wasn't healthy, but nobodies explained to me how, so I see no reason to push myself to pain. She was debatably more fucked in the head than I am, but feel she has a good chance of outliving me.

Just shoot me at this point. Why am I supposed to improve if even the things I love aren't enjoyable? Why do anything when I feel like this?

I don't know who I am anymore or what's happening. And since leaving her, I've got nobody that gives a fuck. I need a warm embrace. I need help. I need myself. I need substance. I need life. I need death. I need something.

Even Shadows Have Shadows

[searchingformylostpan]

Sorry for getting frustrated with you earlier, it's hard for me to stay calm when you're getting ovesstimulated and we're working on something since I pick up on your energy and it affects me too especially when there's not really anything I can do to help you in those times....and when it feels like you're not listening to me/taking over what I was doing/kinda felt like you were saying I was gonna mess it up and with how angry you've been getting with me nearly every day recently I'm kinda at my max and I snap back at you a lot quicker than I normally would....

and also stuff like earlier when we were getting up and you were "just messing with me" and pinching me and you say that it's unreasonable for me to ask that you not do something that actually hurts me that I don't like....idk what to do with that. I feel like I've asked you so many times now to stop hurting me, I know it's fun for you but it isint fun for me bc it feels like no matter what I say you're just gonna keep doing it and i should just be ok with it and then when I try to talk to you about it I'm being mean and you redirect the conversation to something I'm doing wrong every time. I know I'm laughing while trying to fight you off when you try to get me bc it's fun when were just playing around but you don't hold back when you pinch/spank me and it is seriously painful. I would be ok with it if it was in a playful way but I don't like constantly being afraid of you getting me by surprise and reacting badly like I did when I hit you.

Idk I wish I could talk to you about this but you shut down every time I try to or I'm being mean or you just make appaled noises at me and don't actually say anything amd just expect me to understand what that means. Even sending this to you on facebook messenger would just be left ignored like all the other attempts I've made, so this is the last method I can come up with for you to hopefully sometime soon whenever you're able to read . I don't like getting upset with you, but I also really can't handle getting hurt so much either. It's been putting me in a really bad place and I'm having trouble convincing myself that i don't deserve this bc of my choices.

Don't think that I'm ok with still being in this position...I very much am disgusted with myself all day every day for not being able to figure this shit out. But I've had to accept that im not you. I can't just will myself better and I can't figure out how to overcome whatever all my issues are on my own. I know im going to need some serious professional help to be able to break this downward streak I'm stuck in. And when I am ready to accept that help again, I don't want to walk away halfway through again. So im waiting till august when my insurance is active to check back into inpatient....i know that's not what you want to hear, me too, but i can't lose this job. I need the insurance in order to go to the rehab i want to go to that i think will be the best for me, and until then, i need to be able to survive. If that's not ok with you, i understand if you need to take some time to yourself until i can be 100% me again.

It feels like you currently see me as maybe 2% me, as someone who isint worth the effort to try to be a bit more kind to when you're hurting (your words, I asked if you could at least try to be mindful of how your words affect me and you said no, that I couldn't expect any changes or effort from you on that.) It feels a little like I'm just here for your enjoyment and my feelings don't really matter too much.....I don't like it when you cause me physical (and mental) pain and im the unreasonable one for asking you not to hurt me and why cant i just spit it out that i made a horrible decision one night last year of who i hung out with for an evening and had my right to control what happens to my body taken away from me?( Huh why is that so hard to tell say to you when youre yelling at me that you should have the right to do whatever you want to me wheneveryou want to just because i didnt used to stop you and i dont really feel comfortable telling you something that i havemt told anyone else before and that you really have no need to know? It should be enough that im telling you im nkt comfortable with it and to please stop. But no.)

and by not wanting me to even drop you off at the post it feels like youre embarrased by me and dont want anyone to know you associate with me....i was honestly shocked when you said i could come have a drink with you at happy hour and that you didn't just immediately want to go home...My self worth used to grow so much when I was around you, I know that the pain is causing a lot of this, but I can't deal with this level of shit. If it's because of my choices then please just tell me to fuck off and I'll leave you alone. I'm having a hard time believing that there's really nothing that can be done to improve things for the both of us....

I know this is a whole lot in this post....ive been trying to talk to you about this but I don't know how to get you to actually have a conversation with me about any of this so it's all just been building up....and im at my breaking point now. So please, PLEASE can we find a way to treat eachother better? I love you so very much, the only thing that really matters to me in all of this is that I feel like I can't talk to you. That's it, if we could work that out everything else would work itself out. I don't want to be apart from you for an extended time ever again, I know I will have to go away for a month or so this fall, but after (and until) that, I would love to wake up next to you every single morning.....

[rogue-durin-16]

MISS SLYTHERIN

Summary: Fred meets the perfect girl at the beginning of his seventh year; although he is reluctant to ask her out, the universe keeps throwing her into every place Fred finds himself in, even in the most unexpected one; the Quidditch pitch.

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Slytherin!Reader

Genre: mostly fluff

Tags:

Fred Weasley: @whiskeyn-rain @lumos-solemn

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog

Warnings: language and a little tiny bit of slut shaming (?) and making out

A/N: I was on the subway listening to Sweet Dreams and my brain went 'hOLd oN— bEAteR ReAdER 👁️👄👁️!' so here we are. Kinda long but worth it. Enjoy this <3

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

It was the first Saturday of the scholar year, and the first ten days tended to be the definition of chaos, so I had volunteered to help my House's prefects with the first years; I was in sixth year, so my first two weeks were mostly free anyway.

I was on my way to the dungeons to pick up the group of kids the prefects had assigned me when I bumped into my Ravenclaw friends, and I decided to chat a bit with them to catch up.

I had my back against one of the hallway's walls, therefore I saw the pair of towering, lean, redheaded figures jogging towards my friends to give them a jump scare.

"That's about it real— AAH!" My friend jolted at the infamous' twins, bumping them for scaring her. "Idiots!"

"Sorry, love." One of them passed his arms over two of my friends' shoulders, while his twin brother's eyes roamed over the circle, tilting his head in confusion when he reached me. "Hello?"

"Hey." I gave them a subtle wave and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Oh, right!" My friend turned to me and pointed at the boy whose arm rested on her. "This is George and that's—"

"Fred Weasley." He introduced himself, offering me his hand to shake with a half smile that promised everything but boredom.

Giving his hand a firm shake, I responded, "Y/n Y/l/n." Our eyes locked; we didn't even attempt to hide the fact that we were measuring one another, and I knew I would have to endure the teasing on my friends' behalf later, but there was something in Fred's gaze that made me extremely curious about his intentions.

I let go of his hand, only for him to take a couple of steps in my direction to stand closer. "And how is it that I've never seen you before, Y/n Y/l/n?" He inquired, leaning on his shoulder against the wall.

"I reckon you don't look much at the Slytherin table?"

His body tensed. "Oh?"

"Oh." I chuckled at his shock. "Scared much?"

The corner of his lips twitched up again. "Should I?"

"Guess that's on you to decide." We lingered on each other's gaze for a bit too long. "I think I'll get going." I was the one to avert my eyes in order to talk to my friends, who were already giving me that look. "See you lat— Oi!" Fred swooped the bag I was carrying off my shoulder and hung it on his.

"I'll carry this for you."

"I'm heading to my House."

"Where else would you be heading?" I turned to my friends in confusion, but they only shrugged; I didn't even have time to ask them what was he up to. "C'mon, Miss Slytherin!"

My eyes got big at the name and I spun around, rushing to catch up with him. "I can carry my own bag, you know that right?"

"But then I wouldn't have an excuse to walk with you." I quirked a brow at him when the ginger winked. "Tell me something."

"Like what?" I questioned, a confused yet amused grin dancing on my lips.

He shrugged, averting his gaze to nonchalantly look to the front "Dunno," He changed my bag to his other arm so it wouldn't be between us. "What do you think about Umbridge?"

"Well, she's got terrible taste in clothing." He laughed, and so did I. Just like that, we fell in a quite fluid and enjoyable conversation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

FRED'S P. O. V.

"—And not only that, she's so smart—" I groaned burying my face in my bed's pillow, very aware that I had been talking about Y/n to George and Lee for at least fifteen minutes. "Yesterday she held my hand and I think my face turned red."

Lee's snort was followed by George's words. "So are you gonna ask her out or...?"

I grimaced. The last couple of weeks, somehow I had managed to bump into Y/n everywhere. It was as if the universe was throwing me towards her, but there was a voice in the back of my head that stopped me from making a move. "What if she says no?"

"Freddie, she blantantly flirts with you every time you see her." George stated with his eyebrows raised. "Just ask her out, mate."

"Aight," I nodded. "I'll do it next time I see her."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

READER'S P. O. V.

When Adrian Pucey informed me that Crabbe wouldn't be able to play in the upcoming Quidditch match, I instantly regretted accepting my friends' dare of showing up at Quidditch tryouts.

Though I didn't put much effort on it, I got in the team as a reserve, and the moment had come for me to shine. How lovely.

I couldn't really back out of that one, so that's how I ended up in the Slytherin changing room before a match that would be played in the worst conditions. Since I was in deep already, I thought I might as well go for the win with everything I had.

"Oi, Malfoy!" I gestured the kid to come closer, which he did with reluctancy. "Don't give me that look— I don't like you either."

"What."

"You're not half as good as Potter—" Before he started the rant of insults, I spoke again. "Shut it. You're not half as good but you're faster." My words were clear and slow, making sure he would understand. "Keep your eyes on Potter— if he moves, you move."

He seemed to hesitate, weary of my advice, but then he gave me a subtle nod and walked away.

"C'mon, on your feet everyone!" Our captain called us and we obeyed; as we approached our entrance to the pitch, thunders could be heard louder and louder. "We're not only for the win, we're gonna crush them." He shouted, partially so we could hear him over the racket of the storm and the muffled hubbub of the crowd, but also because he wanted us to know how serious he was about it. "Glasses!" I took a deep breath, grasping the bat "Broomsticks!" The gate opened as I mounted my broomstick. "UP!"

"AND HERE COMES SLYTHERIN!!" We heard Lee Jordan's voice as we took off to go around the pitch in formation.

Even before we flew over the Ravenclaw stands, obnoxiously loud cheers of my friends could be heard, and I couldn't help but laugh.

FRED'S P. O. V.

"The hell are they cheering on?" I frowned at the Ravenclaw stands going nuts when our rivals passed over them. "It's bloody Slytherin!"

My brother, who was waiting besides me for the match to start, scanned the stands, and then the opposite team; in an instant, he stood upright and nudged me with his bat. "Oi, look!" George called my attention over the roaring crowd after the Slytherin team had passed over our heads. "The beater! Number 6!"

I looked for their number 6 in the pitch, only finding what George was talking about when they stopped at their starting points. Squinting my eyes, I managed to read through the rain the back of the robe. "Y/l/n— Y/n?!" George laughed loudly, following Angelina's cue and flying to his respective mark in the circle.

"Move!" Katie yelled, flying past me and snapping me out of my awe. Had she always been a beater?

When I reached them, I saw Y/n meticulously making sure she had everything secured.

Our eyes, despite the glasses and the pouring rain, managed to meet seconds before Madam Hooch's blowed her whistle, and I would have sworn she gave me a smile.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"FRED PAY ATTENTION!" Not even Angelina's yells were enough to bring my mind back to the match, something I regretted instantly; a bludger had been beaten in her direction and nearly knocked her out of the broom. "FUCK!" The quaffle fell from her arm, only to be picked up by one of the Slytherin chasers. "I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU!"

"Sorry!"

"Freddie what the hell!" George had flown to us, probably in hopes to stop the bludger from clocking Angelina. "Will you focus?!"

"Yeah— Sorry!" I apologised again— well, it was more like a grunt rather than an apology. "Go back to Harry!"

"Defend our bloody chasers!" He scolded me before heading off.

I forced myself to keep my eyes on the bludgers and not on Y/n.

The rain kept getting heavier; not even the Impervious charm seemed to work repelling the water from the glasses anymore.

I was cold, drenched, tired and befuddled; my legs were stiff and my arms numb, so I definitely did not see it coming; for that matter, I thought it was a strong blow of wind at first, so the shock that struck me when I was knocked off my broom was a big one.

I heard loud gasps and a scream or two coming from the stands, followed by Lee commenting something about the beater being beaten; in another situation —one where it wouldn't be fucking pouring and I could climb back up to my broom—, I would probably have laughed at it.

But right now, with the hand I held my bat in slipping off the broomstick, the last thing I wanted to do was laugh.

READER'S P. O. V.

Once I had dodged the bludger away from Pucey, my eyes roamed around looking for the other one. which had just been beaten away by Goyle and, intentionally or not, the bludger went straight to Fred.

My heart skipped a beat as I saw his broom flip due to the hit, leaving him clinging onto it.

My eyes went straight to his brother, who was way to far to help, and then to their captain, who was adamant to score points.

"Fuck." I groaned through gritted teeth as I turned my broomstick and flew towards the Gryffindor beater in distress.

"Y/L/N STRAYS FROM HER POSITION AND— FLIES TO WEASLEY?" Jordan's commentaries reached my ears right when I got to Fred. I stretched my arm and grabbed his hand just in time for him not to slip off the broom. He gripped onto my hold for dear life as I used my broom as a leverage to pull him back up, a groan escaping my lips. "LOOKS LIKE NOT ALL SLYTHERINS ARE ARSES!"

I waited until he was steadily secured to let go of his hand. "Next time let go of the bat!" I advised with a teasing grin before flying off to my previous position.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT, Y/L/N" I knew I was going to get shit for what I had just done, but I was expecting my captain to wait until the match had ended.

"HE WAS GONNA FALL OFF!" I yelled, louder than necessary.

"WELL LET HIM FALL THE FUCK OFF!" The captain retorted, venom dripping off his tongue. "WITH ANY LUCK HE'LL KILL HIMSELF OFF!" I didn't expect those words to come out, not even from that mouth.

"YOU KNOW WHAT?" I beat an incoming bludger away from us before shouting, "SUCK MY METAPHORICAL DICK, YEAH?!" And with that, I flew off to defend Malfoy, who was rushing to Potter. Surprisingly enough, he had followed my advice. I flew on Malfoy's track, dodging a bludger away twice until he gave a final sprint and caught the snitch.

"SLYTHERIN WINS!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The team started to celebrate as soon as we landed, and I thought I would take advantage of that and change into dry clothes, but I didn't have the chance before someone called my name from the entrance.

"Psst— Y/n." I turned around to see Fred standing there.

"Do you have a death wish?" I spoke quietly, though a smile appeared on my gaze as soon as I saw him. "What on earth are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to thank you for helping me out there." His cold fingertips brushed my wet cheek as he tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear and he leaned on to place a kiss there. "Aw you're blushing!"

"I'm not blushing, I'm cold," I excused myself, averting my eyes from him.

Maybe it was his loud snort, or maybe the fact that I was missing, but the changing room fell silent as my team's attention was directed to us.

"Oi!" My captain looked Fred up and down, stepping to where we stood. "You're not welcome here."

"Chill," Fred shrugged, his hand lingering on my forearm. "I was congratulating her on her victory." His tone foreshadowed chaos. "Since, you know, it's obviously her doing." I glared at the ginger my hand going to his forearm, silently warning him to stop. "Can't command your own team, can you?"

his arm folded so his palm would be on my forearm too, giving me a reassuring squeeze.

"She should've let you fall off that hand-me-down broom of yours." Fred's grip on my forearm tightened; by the look on his face and the way his jaw clenched, I could tell my teammate had successfully hit a nerve.

"Shut the hell up, will you?" I snapped. "Can't you enjoy the victory without being an arse?"

"You fucking slut—"

"Imaginative." I cut him off, unbothered. "Want a cookie for the effort?"

"Listen now—" Just as he went to grab my bicep, a large hand pushed my captain away, making him stumble back.

"C'mon, mate, give me a reason to beat the shit out of you." Fred said, pulling me to stand besides him instead of between them. Fred's switch was about to flip, and I was desperate for a professor to step in.

As if I had summoned them, i caught a glimpse of Snape and McGonagall walking in my direction from the stairs of the teachers's tower.

"I'd love to see you try." The boy in front of us scoffed. "There's already too much ginger scum besmearing the pure blood, I'll be glad to send you straight to the hosp—"

It was far from expected it would be me punching that asshole strong enough to make him trip and fall.

"Miss Y/l/n!" Oh, right. McGonagall. "Ten points from Slytherin!"

"And fifty points for Slytherin." Snape added in his usual unimpressed tone. "Due to the comradeship you've shown during the match." I widened my eyes at the statement. "Though I can't ignore this, so Y/l/n, turn up in my class tomorrow morning for your punishment. Now, shall we, Minerva?"

"We're leaving too." I informed Fred in low voice, grabbing my bag before pulling him out of the Slytherin changing room.

"That was one hell of a punch." He observed with a chuckle once we were out. "Remind me not to mess with you."

I breathed out a laugh and we fell silent as we walked under the stands towards the exit, the only noise being the rain ricocheting on its structure.

"Thank you." He whispered, his fingers brushing against mines and consequently sending shivers down my spine. "For sticking up for me."

"I expect a reward at the least." I replied, playfully bumping his shoulder before letting my fingers intertwine with his.

"What would that be?" He inquired, that half smile tugging on the corner of his lips.

I shrugged, looking ahead of us with a grin of my own. "That's up to you."

"Will a kiss do?" He mused.

"Depends on how good the kiss is." I begged for my cheeks not yo turn bright red.

In a swift movement he spun me around and his lips landed on mines. His free hand, initially on my cheek, travelled down to my hips, pulling my flush against him while my own hands tangled on his damp hair.

Probably it wasn't a short kiss, but it felt like it when his mouth left mine, and I couldn't help the sight of displeasure that escaped my vocal cords.

He chuckled, our eyes fluttering open at the same time. "Was it good enough?" He teased with a quirked brow.

"Dunno." I muttered, my eyes falling on his lips again. "I think you'll need to try again—"

"To be sure." He finished, and I could only nod; I wouldn't mind the teasing as long as his lips came back to mines.

This time the kiss was deeper, my hands roaming over his wet robes and his over mines; it was only when my back was met with a post that I realized he was backing me into the darker part of the framework, which I did not oppose to.

Quiet moans began to be breathed into the kiss when he nibbled on my lower lip or my hands tugged on his locks.

We had to pull away when steps and voices where heard coming from both changing rooms.

"I think we should kiss more often." He suggested breathless against my lips.

"Agreed."

"I think you should go out with me too."

I had to bite back a laugh. "Agreed again."

"Well, that was easy." The surprised on his gaze was way too amusing.

"Did you think I'd say no?"

"Duh!"

"You're an idiot, Fred Weasley."

"Aw but you love it." He wiggled his brows at me and I smacked his chest.