#listen: I made toast with this butter a couple times and got REALLY scared so I consider this a big win

[jawbonejoe]

Might’ve finally figured out how to eat a little nubbin of cannibutter without getting scared… or my butter is old and I had a nice placebo effect yesterday

[subwaysurf45]

Winter Makes Ice (Ep.7)

Summary:  you’re captured after a brawl at the Avengers building, Bucky and others must save you before Hydra makes a new Winter Soldier out of you, Bucky has given up that title

Words: 3412

Episode: seven

Warning: PTSD, vomiting

Masterlist! Winter Makes Ice Episode: Six

Time: 8:01am 

Date: October 7th 2024

Were you running late?

 Yes.

Your final appointment with Bruce was today and it was scheduled for 8:00 in the morning, you had set your alarm with enough time to get there but Bucky had other plans. While you were getting up Bucky snaked his metal arm around you, he knew you couldn’t break out of it, he pulled you back in his chest so you could stay for a little longer but you managed to bribe him after giving a few kisses down his neck. As you sucked his hand relaxed and when he didn’t see it coming and you snuck out to your bathroom to get ready for the day, you knew he was too tired to get up and pull you back. 

The surgery for both your nose and removing the serum went without a hitch, though you did have a panic attack a day later because it seemed too good to be true for you, everything else went fine. Bruce managed to take samples of your skin and make them into cartilage for your nose, it took a couple days for it to marry and accept your face, it would turn really red and then lose all colour in a matter of minutes. The serum removal took longer than expected, and it turns out what Bruce’s lab was creating wasn’t what he was expecting. The antibiotic would actually get into your bloodstream and split the serum from the red blood cells, but it wouldn’t remove them, the serum would still circulate in your body but just next to the red blood cells. 

A heart-lung by-pass machine was used while you were sedated, you could have been awake but seeing your blood fill a tube and then go back into you while a bag filled with blue liquid was just extra trauma you didn’t want to see. There were always complications with being sedated, but Bucky supported you no matter what. You weren’t left feeling sick after but like you hadn’t slept in days, you found there was a difference between waking up from passing out like you did in the cell and just lack of sleep, Bucky had looked at you quizzically when you said it randomly, but you couldn’t seem to explain. 

You still get headaches from time to time, it normally comes from that same spot in the back of your head and high on your neck, you’d feel around for a scab or scar but would find nothing. There was a bump when you’d checked recently but it seemed as though it was a goose egg form getting hit, but that was so long ago. You didn’t talk about your bump much because you thought people would look at you crazy, some people already did; while others looked at you like you were a ghost. 

As you walked to Banner's lab an agent stopped talking to her friend to look you up and down, and hand came to cover her mouth but you saw the smirk in her eyes. You just shrugged and turned into the lab. 

“You’re late,” Bruce said, he was sat on his stool with everything in hand, clipboard and pen at the ready. 

“Sorry,” you smiled and sat down. 

Bruce began to do the checks, he got good at hiding that he was taking blood, he’d point across the room to show a floating hologram of all your vitals and while you were reading over them he’d quickly stick the needle in to draw a bit of blood. 

He did the same except he pinched your thigh as he stuck in the needle point to make your attention go to your leg instead of the inside of your elbow. 

“Ow!” you slapped his hand away, “I’m used to it by now, and I also trust you and know you’re not trying to stick a foreign serum into me.'' You shook your head and read the file that was left open, “I can’t believe it’s my last test,” you sighed and leaned back in the chair. 

The whirl of the centrifuge wasn’t too loud, Bruce stood beside it with one arm holding his weight on the desk. He watched as you looked over the file again and again, your finger would trace the words and slowly find their way to the corner of the page to flip. The further you got into the file the further back you went, Bruce noticed you tend to stay on your injury report page a bit longer than the others, you’d study the little picture of a person and all the ‘X’s that were drawn where you got hurt; you could barely see the human drawing underneath. He’d watch as you read over every description of the injuries you’ve gotten, one time he asked why and you looked at him and said. 

“Because I go over how to fix each injury, so when I go back into the field I can stay on my toes.” 

But he knew you were just tired of feeling like you weren’t helping when in reality you prompted a medical breakthrough, not everyone gets infected by a mind controlling serum, but the new use of a heart-lung by-pass was being looked at by hospitals. 

Bruce took the blood out of the centrifuge and looked into the vial, there was no trace of blue like there was the first time he did it, just plasma and blood. You were still reading and he knew you’d pass his test so instead of telling you he was starting the evaluation, he just did it. 

“Close that book.” He lowered his voice which sent a boom through the lab. 

You didn’t close it but it did scare you for a second, a little jump but you went right back to reading. You weren’t trying to be mean by not listening but you had to show that you wouldn’t follow orders but rather respond like a normal human, the first day you flinched for the stool when Bruce asked you to walk it over to him but after that you tended to act like he wasn’t in the room. 

“Stand up.” he barked. 

You looked over to him, “no thanks,” you smiled, Bruce smiled back. 

“Can you stand for a second, please?” Bruce squinted and leaned back on the desk, he was challenging how you’d react to an indirect command, it was an offer rather than a command. 

“I don't know, can I?” You tilted your head to the side, a wide smile was being suppressed by a terrible poker face. 

“May you please stand?” Bruce walked over with a proud smile on his face, he was no longer challenging you. 

You just laughed and stood, “only because you asked so nicely,” you let your teeth flash while you both laughed. “Why did you choose standing? That’s like, day one stuff,” you sighed from laughing and closed the file. 

“Because I want to hug you,” he opened his arms wide, “to congratulate you. Now give me a hug, that’s an order!” he giggled but laughed even more when you pretended to scope him out, “just kidding, come ‘ere, kid.” 

You fell into a hug and wrapped your arms tightly around him, Bruce did the same. It was quick but it meant the world. “Thanks for everything, Bruce.” You smiled as you walked out of the room, “I mean it, you really helped me out.” 

“Don't mention it, you’re free!” he opened his arms wide to shew you out of his lab. 

You walked out and closed the door behind you, you only took a few steps before staring off into the distance. “I guess I am…” you muttered to yourself before continuing to walk back to your room. 

As you walked you didn’t even see Bucky in the kitchen “doll!” he called and you turned instantly, “breakfast?” he tilted the frying pan over so you could see french toast. 

Your eating and sleeping were the only things that didn’t seem to get better, nightmares plagued you every night and you could barely stomach a workout smoothie. Bucky would try his best to get you to eat but he typically ate your leftovers instead of making a meal for himself, it was hard to watch because you weren’t gaining weight and he still felt guilty when he’d touch your back and feel every ridge. 

“I’ll have a bit,” you smiled and walked over, “I’m a free bird now.” you commented as he slipped the bread on your plate. 

“Way to go, babe, I knew you could do it.” He scrunched his nose and took the stool beside you, “eat slow and as much as you want, no worries.” He kissed your temple before pulling out his phone. 

You slowly started to eat, you put the corner of the bread in your mouth and chewed slowly. The sweetness and the flavour was still overpowering, you weren’t used to this much intensity and it only made you feel nauseous. As much as Bucky acted like he wasn’t paying attention you could see his eyes look over as far as he can to gauge your reaction, when you’d catch him looking he’d just cough and look forward. You only got four bites in before turning your nose up and pushing the plate to Bucky. He didn’t want to seem disappointed but he was, not in you but rather himself, nothing was working. 

“What do you think you can eat?” He asked softly. 

“Plain yogurt?” you questioned. 

“I’ll give anything a shot,” he breathed and stood. The yogurt was far back in the fridge but he found it eventually, he poured a little bowl, “you want granola?” he asked. 

“Just yogurt,” she sheepishly replied, a thin line formed on your lips. 

He served it up and went back to eating the french toast, you scooped it up and took a spoonful. It was so plain and boring, nothing tingled on your taste buds. There was no category for it, it wasn't sweet or sour, it wasn’t savoury; it was just plain. The metallic taste from the spoon had more power than the yogurt itself. Nothing to chew, no berries or granola. 

It was perfect. 

In no time you scarfed it down, the spoon clicked on the bowl as you scraped for the ends of it. Bucky had been cooking your favourite foods to make you feel at home, you liked spice and sweetness normally. You’d turn down yogurt a month ago if it didn’t have your favourite granola in it, but what both you and Bucky didn’t realize was that you started with crazy flavours instead of the basics. Butter and bread, plain crackers, and maybe some almonds sounded great right now.  

Bucky looked over in shock to see you done with your food, he watched as you went to the pantry and pulled out some unsalted crackers. You plopped a few into your mouth and just waited to see if your body would reject it, but it didn’t.

“Guess I went too fast, too soon, huh?” he let out an unhappy laugh, “you could’ve been eating for a while…” he muttered and stood. He was exhausted, the darker circles under his eyes and the flatness of his skin didn’t go unnoticed. You woke up every night screaming and thrashing around in the bed, the sheets would be piled on the floor from your arms swinging around. As much as Bucky wanted some sleep, he knew for a fact that you’d been in disposition before, you’d been the one to gently ease him out of a nightmare for three weeks straight.   

“You did your best and I love you for it,” You smiled and leaned across the counter to kiss his lips, he sat back down again, “I would have done the same thing, if it makes you feel better.”

Bucky just rubbed his face and looked up to you, “how?” was all he asked. 

“How...what?” you giggled, but Bucky didn’t crack a smile. 

“Why are you so upbeat right now, I get it you finished your tests with Banner but, god, I don’t know how you’re so happy?” He didn’t sound angry but more in disbelief, if it were him, Bucky knew he’d be curled into a ball in the middle of the bed for days, there wouldn’t be anything to make him happy. 

You just sighed and sat down next to him again, “I’m not upbeat right now, if I’m being honest,” you looked forward and the sleek grey cupboards, “I can’t train because my stitches will fall out, I can’t run for the same reason. Half of the team treats me like fine china while the other half still punches me in the arm when they tell a funny joke, if I’m hanging out with Steve he will ask if I’m okay after every little thing while Tony doesn’t seem to understand that I don’t like sneak attacks anymore.” You wiped down your face with both hands, “my head still hurts like crazy, especially in that one spot in the back, everyone is too loud and I’ve been called ‘too quiet’ too many times for me to count.” You finally looked over to Bucky who had the saddest eyes, his lips curled down as he scanned over you, “you’re the only one who I can be, somewhat, happy around because you get it. Yes, you can be very cautious but you’ve backed off when I’ve said no and you’ve learned not to push when I can’t remember much. Bucky,” you cupped his face with one hand, you could feel him push into it, “you see me happy around you because you’re the only one who knows how to put a smile on my face right now, and I’m so happy it’s you.” Before he could say anything you pulled him in for a kiss, he hummed into it and reached up to place his hand over yours; it was still resting on his stubbled cheek. 

“I didn’t know I was doing all that right, I thought I was failing.” Bucky muttered against your lips, you could feel the sadness in his voice. 

“I still can’t lift my arm up all the way without it hurting, you wash my hair and put it in the clip when I ask, you might not have figured that food out or my nightmares but you do the little things, and that’s what makes it better.” Bucky’s arms moved down to hold you at your waist, you were still close. All he could do was smile, the kind of smile you use when you get a prize for a thing you really didn’t think mattered or when you’re embarrassed of how you fell in front of everyone; his lips turned down but his eyes smiled. 

The rest of your morning flowed into your afternoon easily, you’d spent some time just lounging in the bed and keeping each other warm. Little make-out session might brew but nothing went too far, it wouldn’t for a while and you both agreed on that. At one point you fell asleep curled up against Bucky’s chest, he stayed still and when it came time, he helped you out of your nightmare. The little kisses littered your face until you were calm again, he didn’t dare to fall asleep at this point because he knew you would too and being woken up by twitches and little pleads for help weren’t something he enjoyed for his own mental health. 

Time: 9:30pm

Date: October 7th 2024

Everyone filed into the cinema room for movie night, this was your first one since you came back. Bucky had tried to talk you out of it due to it being October and a horror movie was on the list, apparently it was a early 2000’s slasher, basically the worst movie to come back to. You were done with hiding away from the team, you wanted to see them again, scary movies didn’t bother you before because you knew they were just movies and alien killers weren’t real, you really didn’t know how much could change now. 

There was a bowl of popcorn for you and Bucky, you sat in the corner so you were nestled into the armrest and the back pillow, Bucky was on your left, cautiously watching you as Nat queued up the movie. 

“I now present,” she held her arms in front of the screen, “Camp Blood!” The movie faded in from black and a hush fell over the team. People snuggled deeping into their blankets and got ready for the movie, you just leaned your head on Bucky’s shoulder and threw a few pieces of popcorn- without butter -in your mouth.

Not even a half an hour later you were really shaken up, the gore and the blood had slowly broken down your walls and gotten to your head. You had hid it so well Bucky genuinely had no idea even though he was checking in on you after every kill, a little kiss to your temple before a double check. 

“I have to pee,” you whispered to Bucky and left the room. 

You sprinted down and to the back where there was a door to the outside, the air was suffocating and you couldn’t breathe. It seemed everything you could remember was flashing in your mind all at once while new memories were coming into play, it was all so overwhelming and you couldn’t handle it. You pushed the door open and stumbled to your knees and the cold fall weather opened your lungs so wide you thought they were going to pop, the gasps came out unevenly and some were quick shots of air. Your hand was pulling and scratching at the finally held bruise on your neck, it was like you could feel the chains slowly wrapping around you like a snake's tail, coming up around your neck and squeezing tightly. 

With one push, the chains in your mind snapped and all the popcorn you had eaten came back out, right onto the deck that was power washed three days ago. A few pieces of kernels got stuck when you took your first breath in but after spitting them out you could finally breathe again. 

You sat back up on your feet and just looked into the night sky, it was too cold for you to be out here but it was peaceful. With the serum you would have been fine with this weather but that had left you, you were free now, if you wanted you could run down the grass into the forest and never see anyone ever again. It was horrifying that that idea was pleasant to you, you’d never see Bucky ever again but you could be free. 

One foot hit the grass, but then the sound of a lock pulled you from your fantasy, you looked over your shoulder to see the lights off and the red emergency lights spinning around. You ran up to bang on the door but no one could see or hear you, “let me on!” you screamed for anyone but you knew these glass doors were sound proof. “Fuck!” 

“Soldat,” you froze, the voice you remembered vividly rang through your head, you shook it off and kept pounding on the door, “they’re never going to help you,” it chanted in your mind. 

“No, let me in!” you screamed again, your head hit the glass door in defeat, the voice mocked you in your brain. You pulled away from the glass and looked into the building, but then your focal point focused on the reflection. 

“Soldat, break in and kill them all.” the voice said, the slick hair and the notch in his brow, the leader that got away. To your horror, your break straightened and your chin went up, you turned towards the man who never gave you his name. He dressed in all black and wore a Hydra pin over his heart, “you really think we’d let you get away?” he asked, “you really think we only gave you the serum?”

“What is happening?” you asked, your mind was being taken over. 

“I’ll say it again. Soldat, break in and kill them all.” his smile grew. 

You didn’t want to, but somehow the other part of you did. 

“copy.” 

And the glass shattered with one punch. 

Winter Makes Ice tag list: @small-death-and-codeine​ @commonintrest​ @buckyys-doll​  @lil-baby-nor @wafflesncream​​

let me know if you want a tag!!!

[forthechubbies]

What's Wrong With Secretary Park?!

Synopsis• If balancing work and a stubborn ex-husband isn't hard enough, Let's add the boss’s seven sons falling head over heels for her to mix.

Category's• Romcon, Comedy, Office Au.

Duos• BTS X Reader

A spin-off of the original series ‘ What's Wrong With Secretary Kim’ Bangtan Edition! Starring the Handsome, Seo-Joon Park as the Ex husband.

There will be more parts but I didn’t want the title to be to long.

EP. One Two

“ Mrs. Park, Good Morning!”

“Mrs. Park, What does my schedule look like today?”

“Mrs. Park, Your coffee keeps me alive.”

In case you haven’t noticed, Park Yn, I’m the secretary to Jeon Sung-ho, the CEO of Dnd Parmatech, 85 percent of the time, newly build hospitals or centers use our funds as kickstarts. Daily I make schedules, appointments, filing documents, answering calls, and blah blah blah.

Is it boring? Yes, I know. However, quite refreshing coming from my hectic marriage. Once upon a time, I was wedded to the marvelous actor Park Seo-Joon for three years. I sat in the limelight and even had the privilege to play the part of his wife in movies. Sigh. Although the attention and riches were grand, no amount of expensive counseling could save our marriage. We never saw eye to eye on anything, and his short temper wasn’t helping.

Knowing my worth, I packed up and left without a doubt in my head. However, The documentation of our separation wasn’t finalized due to a certain one refusing to sign off on the divorce agreement. So physically, I’m still Mrs. Park but ain’t no piece of paper telling who I belong too.

Whatever! I have too much to focus on already! Game on, Game on! First, I got to get these papers approved and signed by Mr. Jeon then-

Buzz Buzz Buzz!

Who’s calling-

Speak of the devil. I could have sworn I deleted his contact a long time ago! “ What Seo-Joon? I’m busy-“

“ When is this little temper tantrum going to end? Darling, I think you made your point.”

“My point?! Listen here, You slimy son of-” Now, Now Yn calm down calm down don’t let him get a rise out you that just what he wants. A quick exhale should do the trick. “ Seo-Joon, I believe we reached an agreed on no type of communication unless it revolves around the settlement for the divorce.”

How is it possible I can physically see his snarky face?

Seo-Joon stretched out his list of complaints.” It’s been over a year. I miss your kisses, soft skin, that cute birthmark on your-“

“ You will not talk about such embarrassing things over the phone!” Thank goodness, Nobody was around to hear me shot like that.

“Why is this divorce still an issue?!” There goes that temper again-How whinny can one man be? “ If you don’t stop this, I will take matters into my own hands.”

I laughed. “ Ha, Seo-jerk, I’m not scared of you! Do your worst because It doesn’t matter if you drag me back home; it doesn’t subside the problem being over our marriage.” I feel like a broken record at this point. “ If this isn’t about the papers, this conversation is over, Mr. Park; please refrain from calling me again, goodbye.”

He chuckled and mumbled something along the lines of, “ Your cute acting cheeky like this.” The rest he continued louder “ Those delicate hands of yours were made to indulge in the finest silk and satin I can obtain, not working nine to five at whatever job hired a housewife with zero work ethic. I just know I haven’t touched your side of the room since that night- I love you, Mrs.Park, I always will.”

He hung up. You know, after he finished insulting my new lifestyle and calling me a useless housewife, the ‘ I love you’ bit at the end sounds sincere, but he is an actor! Of course.

Hmph! Just because I’m working for myself for one doesn’t mean I’m miserable. I’m actually in love with my job, It pays well with benefits, and I sat on my butt all day. If that pompous little bedazzled turd thinks making me the butt of his jokes will get me back in his arms, he has another thing coming!

“Um, Mrs. Park?”

“ What!” I snapped. “ Oh, Hoseok, I’m sorry!” I bowed my head; the poor thing nearly jumped out of his shoes.

Hoseok beamed his warm heart-shaped smile at me. “ Oppa is having a family meeting today; I guess I’m the first to show.”

I wasn’t informed about a meeting today from Mr.Jeon, maybe because it’s a family affair.

“Tada!” He cutely squeaks. A tasteful package breakfast alongside a tall cup of what I presume is a coffee from..’ Thanks Nature’!

“Oh my- Hobi, this cafe is across town-”

“I overhead Oppa scolding you for skipping meals one day and I’m here to do the same, don’t skip meals or else We will be hurt if something happens to you.” Hoseok pointed at the pack. “ Eat every bit.”

Hoseok displayed a small heart using his index finger and thumb, hopping off to his father’s double doors.

Mr. Jeon has seven sons in all. The man is a true saint; men like him and his sons are why I still believe not all men are dogs. After losing his wife to heart cancer, He just about went bankrupt, donating all he had to have found cures to multiple diseases hoping nobody else had to suffer his same heartbreak.

Love found him again in an orphanage just north of here, ‘Seoul Children Home.’ His first son, Kim Seokjin, at the time Jin was already in his teenage years, making it difficult for him to find a family due to the high demand of couples wanting a single-digit child. His birth family mistreated him, but he was beaten everywhere except his face to keep his handsome appearance. The family decided to put his money-maker to fair use and attempted to sell him. Seokjin saw his opportunity and high-tailed, landing himself in the orphanage where he happily lends a helping hand every chance he got. He learned how to read, write, cook, clean, and even tend to the tots when the nuns were busy.

This is how he met his slightly younger brothers, Min Yoongi, Jung Hoseok, and Kim Namjoon; when being chosen for adoption, Seokjin refused to live without his baby brothers by his side.

“ Hello, Noona!”

Oh, Look just in time, “ Hello, You’re father is in his office.”

Namjoon eyed my edible gift from Hobi and raised his eyebrow as well as a question. “ So this is why Hyung left so early in the morning for-and I hope you’re having a good morning, Noona.”

I’m not older than them. Why do they call me Noona? Do I look old!?

“ Yn, Good morning! How are you!” Jin greeted me with English this morning. He must have been practicing with Namjoon lately.

“ I’m Fine. Seokjin.”

“Chu.” He blew a kiss my way. “ You’re not fine. You’re amazeing.”

“Amazing.” Namjoon corrected for the sidelines.

“Same thing.”

“Pronunciation is everything, Hyung.”

They stopped halfway from their dad’s office. Jin grinned. Wait, I know that smile; oh no, here comes a dad joke.

“ Hey, Namjoon-You know the reason I took the elevator instead of the stairs?”

Namjoon sighed. “ No, why?”

"I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something." Jin burst out laughing and clapped his hands.

I giggled not from the joke, but Jin has a contagious laugh.

“See, Yn has good taste.”

A slow deep groan entered the office belonging to Yoongi, lagging. “ I heard that terrible joke from the elevator.” Yoongi waved and leaned against my desk. “ Good Morning.”

“Good Morning.”

There was an awkward pause before Yoongi tapped my desk and pointed to his dad’s office from walking that way.

“Yoon-Yoongi!?”

He turned back towards me.

“ I have something for you. I packed it up on the way here.” Getting off my butt, I walked up and gave him a bottle of his favorite black ice coffee. Ew. I don’t know how he drinks it with no cream or sugar.

Yoongi smiled his gummy smile. “ Thank you for thinking of me.”

“You’re welcome.” And off he goes into the office as well.

Yoongi isn’t the biggest fan of human interaction, but he put forth an endeavor towards me, whether it’s a light ‘ Hi or Hello” or the simplicity of a wave. I admire his gusto. Sidenote, He’s so adorable-I know I know I shouldn’t be gushing over my boss’s son, but his chubby cheeks and almond eyes melt my heart like butter on toast!

Ahem-I better get back to answering those emails and drink this beautiful cup of expensive mud before it gets lukewarm. Yummy, The delectable taste is a boost of serotonin! I really should get to work buuut Hobi did command me to get every last bit and technically he is my boss through some type of weird relative aspect. He is the boss.

Just in a moment of seconds, The breakfast and drink was trash. Something that good should be sinful. I feel terrible I should have saved some for the babies; they would have some, especially Jungkook.

The babies should be here any minute.

[themadlostgirl]

When It’s Cold (4)

*I reiterate: horny teens are horny and stupid teens are stupid. Short but somewhat smutty chapter ahead.*

~~~

I woke with small relief the next morning to the central heating being turned back on. I swung out of bed and started getting ready for the day. I had half convinced myself that the kiss between Felix and I last night had been a dream. If it had been a dream though it would have ended a lot nicer than it actually had. Maybe with us keeping each other warm in a big cushy bed. But no. Felix had to kiss me and run. Selfish, heart mangling, prick!

After my shower I got dressed and went downstairs to grab some breakfast. What I found in the kitchen was not the cold cereal I had resigned myself to. There was a plate of fresh piping hot waffles, eggs, bacon, toast with butter and jellies, a tall glass of juice, and a warm cup of tea made the way I preferred. Felix was at the sink cleaning the dishes he had used to make this grand breakfast.

“Don’t just gawk at it,” he said over his shoulder, “Sit down and eat before it goes cold.”

“But how did…”

“This is the same time you come down for breakfast everyday.” He answered. “Like I said, don’t stare at it going cold. Eat something.”

“Right,” I picked up a piece of toast to nibble on. “You made all of this for me?”

“Yes,” he nodded, his gaze stuck to the dishes he was washing. “I figured it was the least I could do after yelling at you last night.”

“Wow,” I scoffed, “Didn’t think you’d actually admit it happened. I figured you’d avoid me all day.”

“Something you said last night resonated with me.” He shrugged, “Besides, there’s no use hiding from you since we live together.”

“What’s sparked this sudden change?” I tore into my perfectly fluffy waffles.

“It’s the same reason I came to Storybrooke with you in the first place.” He turned off the water and finally looked at me, “I don’t want to lose you.”

“Felix…”

“Stop staring at me like that.” He groaned. His cheeks were red and I stifled a laugh. “I meant what I said last night...up until I ran away from you that is. And what you said about how we don’t have to worry about what anyone else thinks struck a chord with me. There is no one here to judge us. I don’t have to worry that someone may think I’m going soft because I...I…”

“You what?”

“I like you. I really like you. I think I liked you even before we left Neverland. It’s the reason I followed you out here.” A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “You’re fun and funny and smart and fierce. These past several weeks with you have been some of the happiest I’ve ever been simply because you’ve been next to me. I was scared of that feeling but I don’t want to be. I just want you.”

I stood up. Felix was still staring at the ground. “But I was a jerk to you and I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me anymore but I wanted to tell you--”

“Felix,” I tilted his head up to look at me, “I like you, idiot.”

“You do?” His eyebrows knit together, “Really? Even after last night?”

“I was prepared to be mad at you today but then you made me a nice breakfast and had an open and sincere conversation with me so I’m feeling forgiving.” I giggled. “Do you want to know how you can make it up to me even more though?”

“How?” He asked, a disbelieving but dorky smile adorning his face.

“Kiss me again.”

Felix closed the distance between us. The kiss was a lot more gentle than last night. When I didn’t push him away he went in for another. His lips softly caressing my own. His hands held my face. The soft short kisses slowly giving way to the passion and heat from last night. We were pulling each other closer. My back was pressed slightly against the countertop keeping me from falling.

We pulled back breathless and smiling. I sat back down to finish my breakfast despite it going cold. A small price to pay for what I got out of it.

For the rest of the day Felix was not far from my reach. Every so often no matter what we were doing he was turning my face to his and kissing me breathless once more. He lavished kisses to my neck as well as my lips. Sucking bruises onto my skin that had me whining and writhing. He was in love with the noises I was making when he kissed my neck so he made sure to do it often.

I tested my own hand at it and Felix damn near broke me in half with how hard he squeezed me when I sucked a bruise onto his neck. I was scared at first that he didn’t like it before he told me to do it again.

All those dirty dreams and lewd fantasies I had been having seemed closer than ever. I wasn’t sure if Felix on the same level as me though. I was ready for him to slam me up against the nearest wall and fuck me senseless this morning and it was only getting worse throughout the day. Sooner or later I was gonna have to woman up and see how he felt about sex but I figured give it a few days before dropping that suggestion. We had just admitted that we liked each other. Christening every inch of his mansion may be a little too much too soon. But god did I want it!

~~~

Felix rode into town on your bike after lunch. He claimed that he needed to pick up an ingredient for dinner but in truth that was just an excuse to burn off some energy and do some secret shopping of his own.

This morning had gone better than he had hoped for. When he decided to make breakfast he thought of it as a peace offering gift. A metaphorical white flag to let you know that he didn’t want to fight with you. Then you two started talking and he started saying things he was planning on saving for when he was more sure he was in your good books again.

But you surprised him. You forgave him. You liked him! You asked him to kiss you. He spent the entire day wrapped in your embrace exploring every inch of skin he felt that he could get away with. He wanted to see more. Do more. Be more for you. Wanted to please you in every way that he could. Ravish you.

When you had sucked that hickey onto his neck he was this close to bending you over the coffee table and fucking the life out of you. But he remained in control. You may have forgiven him and even confessed that you liked him but that didn’t mean you were ready or even willing to let him into your bed. When and if that day ever came though he wanted to be prepared.

He grabbed a few groceries you were running low on as well as a pack of condoms. He had passed by them once or twice on other grocery runs. He knew he was old enough to not have to be embarrassed about it but his cheeks were definitely pink as the cashier lady rung up his items.

When he got home he quickly stashed the box in his bedside drawer and got to making dinner. He had already planned on making your favorite in case breakfast didn’t work out. Now it was just another sign to show you how much he really did care about you. Cause he did. Felix cared about you so much. He wasn’t sure if it was love. He for sure liked you and at this point he called you his best friend but love was something he had never experienced before and he figured it was too soon to call anything between you two love yet.

He loved the way your eyes lit up when he presented dinner to you. You jumped up and down and pulled him down for a quick kiss before sitting down for your meal. The pair of you stayed up longer watching crappy late night TV before you started to nod off. Felix made sure to get you back up to your own room so you could sleep comfortably.

He wanted to give you your space but since confessing how he felt about you he had gotten a little clingy. Night after night of laying alone in his big empty room in his big empty bed he found that he missed. It had only been a couple hours and you were right down the hall and he missed you. He really was gone for you. Just a few days of making out together and he couldn’t stay away from you.

Resigning himself to the fact that he wasn’t going to get much sleep anyways he left his room to go see if you were still awake. There were nights you stayed up late, maybe you would be.

He stopped outside your door. There was no light shining underneath but he thought he could hear you inside. Felix was being a creep. He shouldn’t be out here listening for you just cause he suddenly can’t handle being more than five feet away from you now.

“I am pathetic.” He muttered to himself as he started to shuffle away. Then, out of the stillness of the dark he heard your voice. He went back to the door. Were you awake after all? He pressed his ear to the door trying to hear better.

“Fuck…” he heard your muffled voice, “God--fuck--yes!”

Your voice shot straight to his cock. You were awake and you were moaning.

He should leave. He should really leave. It was inappropriate to come around like a helpless pup in the first place but staying to listen to you moan as you pleasured yourself was the actions of a pervert. Didn’t mean he couldn’t take the memory of those moans back to his own room for his own enjoyment though.

“Fuck, Felix!” You moaned louder and Felix suddenly found himself rooted to his spot.

You were pleasuring yourself whilst thinking about him. You were just beyond this door imagining it was him giving you this pleasure. Felix’s cock was straining against his pajama pants aching to be touched. He wanted to go in there and make whatever dirty fantasies you were envisioning real. He wanted to make you moan louder, scream his name so that everyone in Storybrooke knew who was responsible for making you feel so good. Fuck, he really wanted that.

Walk away.

Walk away.

Walk away!

“Fuck it.” Felix gave in as he braced his back against your door.

He wouldn’t go in. He didn’t want to scare you with his desires no matter how much they seemed to align with your own. But he would indulge in the sweet sounds of your moans even if it did make him feel like a pervert for doing it.

He freed his cock from his pants and closed his eyes as he focused in on your voice. The image of you laying on your bed buck naked and legs spread wide. Your hand between your legs as you pumped your finger in and out. Fuck, the thought that that was really happening just on the other side of this door almost had him cumming right then.

He made the image better though. He imagined his hands between you instead. His fingers working you into this whining mess as you cursed and clenched around him.

“God yes, fuck,” your voice trickled into his ear and he gripped his cock tighter. “Felix, oh god, Felix yes!”

He licked his lips. He could practically smell the arousal on you now. How badly he wanted to taste it. He wanted to hook your legs over his shoulder and devour your cunt. Feel the wet juice trickle down his chin as he ate you out. Your hands in his hair holding him there as he brought you to the edge.

“Fuck me,” Your moans were getting louder, “Oh god, fuck me. Fuck me!”

He would. God he would. He would bury himself in you and never leave. He imagined your cunt wrapped around him. Squeezing the life out of him as he held your hips down and pounded into you. Drawing out those moans and pleas.

“Felix,” Your voice whined, verging on desperate, “Felix, I’m gonna cum!”

Do it. He begged in his mind as he fucked his fist harder. Cum for me!

“Fuck! Felix! Felix!” You practically screamed. Felix brought a hand up to cover his mouth as his own orgasm hit him. He stayed leaning against the door as the euphoria of the moment washed away with the little whimpers of your orgasm beyond the door.

As enjoyable as the experience was in the moment he looked down at the mess on his hands with disappointment. Masturbating to the girl he liked right outside her door. He really was a pervert.

He quickly retreated back to his room. The echoes of your moans still ringing in his ears. He was hard again within seconds. Damn. If this was how he was acting after only hearing your muffled moaning how was he gonna be if he ever got to actually be with you?

---

(Previous) (Next)

[dindjarindiaries]

Collide - Chapter 5

summary: Bella tries to remember what happened the night before, and fails to seek answers from the one person who knows them.

warnings: vomiting, angst, trauma, sexual talk

rating: R

word count: 3.840k

masterlist

chapter 5

You wake up the next day with nothing but regret—and a hangover from hell.

The good part of your morning is spent hunched over the toilet in your clothes from the night before. Your head feels much too heavy for your body, and you try to clear the fog to figure out how the hell you ended up back home—but you can barely even make a coherent thought. Thankfully, the three of you managed to get today off work as if by a stroke of luck, and so you don’t have to try to suffer your way through a work day in such a horrible state. Once you’re sure you’ve emptied out at least half of your guts and managed to pay for your dumb decisions the night before, you finally stand up and make a bolder attempt to get things straight. You hop in the shower, hoping the water will also wash your mind clean, but only get part of the way there by the time you’re slipping into your most comfortable clothes.

It’s when you’re making your light breakfast of toast that it starts coming back to you. You’re sipping gingerly at the water in your glass when you remember the same glass sitting on your bedside table this morning. You have no idea how it got there, or who could’ve put it there, but you assume it was by whoever managed to get you home. The last thing you can remember is dancing with Connie, and even that’s a little fuzzy. But the rest isn’t. You wish it was, because all your mind decides to remind you of is the way Javier was dancing with that stranger.

She’s probably in his bed right now, you think, scoffing to yourself as you take another sip of water. You try not to empty your stomach once again at the utter thought of it.

The sound of your toast popping up scares you out of your thoughts, causing you to jump a bit as you turn around. You chuckle at yourself and shake your head as you lightly butter it and start to chew on it, not necessarily wanting to do so but also knowing you need to get something in your stomach. It’s starting to drive you more and more insane that you don’t know how you got home. You assume it was Connie with the assistance of Steve, since Javier was too wrapped up in his conquest of the night, but you agonize yourself at the thought of what you could’ve said along the way. You never get drunk—it messes with your ability to control yourself and the situations you’re put in—so you’re fearful you let something risky slip while you were blacked out.

Knowing you can’t wait any longer for confirmation, you finish your toast quickly and reach for your pair of sunglasses, using them to try to ease your headache as you leave your apartment. You choose to ignore the fact that you’re solely in a pair of athletic shorts and an oversized college t-shirt as you make your way up the stairs, knocking at Steve and Connie’s door before you can convince yourself to leave them alone.

Connie’s thankfully the one who answers, her eyes widening as she sees you. “You’re alive!” she exclaims jokingly, causing you to laugh lightly. “But I can tell it’s a miracle.”

“Yeah, you can say that again,” you mutter, thanking her as she lets you into the apartment. You look around, furrowing your brow when you don’t see your partner. “Is Steve here?”

“No, he’s runnin’ errands with Olivia right now,” Connie informs you. “He was beggin’ to get out of the apartment for somethin’ other than work.” You nod understandingly, sitting at the counter as Connie raises an eyebrow. “Did you need him?”

“Oh, no, not really,” you assure her. You clear your throat, swallowing your pride as you accept the glass of water she’s poured for you. “I just, well, I need someone to fill me in.”

Connie tilts her head at you. “Fill you in?”

You bite your lip, running one hand over your neck in your nervous manner as your other hand grips the glass of water. “I… don’t remember anything after we danced.”

Connie’s gaze flashes with understanding. “Oh, I see.” She giggles to herself, taking a sip of her coffee as she gives you an impressed expression. “You surprised me with that, I can’t lie. I didn’t take you for the type.”

You exhale deeply as you release your neck and the glass, dipping your fingers under your sunglasses as you run your hands over your face. “I’m not. Last night was a rare occasion.” You reopen your eyes to see Connie’s expression morph into something more of sympathy.

“Already feelin’ the toll of work?”

You scoff. “That’s one way to put it.” You pause, studying Connie from behind your sunglasses for a quick moment as you ponder going on. She’s already become quite the confidante for you during your first week, and you know she doesn’t have anyone else to tell about your troubles—aside from Steve. But you feel that if you make it obvious you don’t want him to know, she won’t tell. So, with a deep breath, you decide to push forward. “It was because of my partner.”

Connie’s brow furrows. “I’m gonna assume you don’t mean my husband.”

“That’s a correct assumption.”

“So, Javi, then?” When you nod, Connie’s gaze flashes with remembrance—and a look of panic that you don’t necessarily like. The latter reaction, however, disappears quickly, and you choose to ignore it as she goes on. “Oh, yeah, I saw him, too. But that’s not out of the ordinary. Must’ve been weird for you, though.”

You shake your head, taking a sip of your water as you prepare yourself to fill her in. “Connie, it wasn’t just ‘weird.’ It was… well, heartbreaking.” When Connie gives you a look of confusion, you continue elaborating. “There’s a part of my and Javi’s story that you haven’t heard yet. But, please, don’t tell anyone.”

Connie lifts her hands in mock surrender. “I’ve got no one to tell but a man who probably won’t care to hear it, girl. Go for it.”

You snort at her comment, clearing your throat before speaking again. “Javi and I were best friends growing up, just like I told you. When high school came around, though, everything changed for me. I realized that I felt—well, much different than I did before. It was tormenting, really, to see him go through other relationships and also suffer through some of my own, knowing where my heart truly was. And then… senior prom rolled around.” You pause, feeling your chest get heavy as you recount the night that used to be so perfect to you—and now is so tainted. “We went together. As friends—I thought. And then we danced together, and we kissed, and we started acting like a couple, and then we… you know…”

Connie covers her hand with her mouth to suppress a gasp. You give her a knowing nod.

“I thought we’d be together after that. But Javi pretended that nothing ever happened, and I played along until just before he left for college. Our confrontation didn’t go as well as expected, and that’s the last time I saw him until a week ago.” You bite your lip for a moment, trying to collect your thoughts and emotions. “No matter how many years passed by, though, my heart stayed with him. I fuckin’ hate the fact that I can’t get rid of him. And now, having him back in my life, but having to see what I saw last night…” You trail off, shaking your head as Connie gives you a sympathetic look.

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry.” You smile a bit when Connie reaches a hand over to grab one of yours. “That’s real tough. I had no idea you two were that close.”

“I tried not to make it obvious,” you confess with a curt chuckle.

“Well… that explains a lot of the reason why Steve kept sensin’ tension.” Connie lets out a deep breath, and her eyes suddenly widen as she releases your hand. You feel alert at her change in demeanor, and you almost start to question it until she tells you herself. “Oh shit, girl, I hope you’re not a chatty drunk.”

You furrow your brow. “Why?”

Connie swallows hard. “Javi’s the one who took you home last night.”

Your heart practically leaps into your throat upon hearing her words. Javi? you ask yourself. But I thought he was with the woman. Why wouldn’t he have brought her home? “Really?”

Connie nods. “Steve asked him to, because we thought out of the three of us, he’d know the best way to take care of you. But if you got drunk because of him, and then you were talkin’ when you were with him and let it slip, I…” Connie trails off, and she doesn’t have to say anything else. Your fears are now laid out on the table.

“Fuck,” you curse, gripping your hair in your hands as you lean your elbows against the counter. “Oh my fuck, Connie, what if I said some dumb shit? We just came to a kind of truce and made it through the week, and what if I messed it up?”

“I’m sure it’s fine, sweetheart. We’re probably just stressin’ for no reason. You seemed pretty far gone when you left me.”

You shake your head, knowing all the frustrations that lay deep within your chest and would gladly jump out at Javier if you had the chance or the confidence. You don’t get drunk often—at all—but you do know that your confidence while drunk skyrockets, which means you might’ve actually had the balls to say something potentially damaging to Javier.

Before you have a chance to respond to her words of comfort, a knocking suddenly sounds at the front door. Connie excuses herself as she disappears into the hallway, and you listen as she pauses to look through the peephole and then unlocks the door. The voice that reverberates off the walls hits you directly in your chest, and you soon find yourself practically stumbling out of your chair as you dare to approach them.

“… seen her?” you pick up part of Javier’s extremely panicked words. “She’s not in her apartment, and I know that in her state, she wouldn’t have been able to get far—.” Javier stops when he looks beyond Connie to see you as you finally pop into the hallway. You try to still your heart as it thuds against your chest upon seeing his expression of pure worry—for you. He’s still in an outfit he would typically wear to work, and you would wonder if he ever wore anything else at all if you weren’t so wrapped up in the fact that he’s pursuing you. “Bella,” Javier finally breaks the tense silence, his voice sounding like a gasp of relief. “I… you scared me, there.”

“Sorry,” you manage to say meekly in response. “Don’t worry, I’m okay.”

Another silence persists, and this time it’s only broken by Connie as she clears her throat and gestures back towards the kitchen. “Do you want to come in for a drink or something, Javi? Steve’s out right now, but he should be back soon.”

You never break your gaze with Javier, trying to convince him to come in so you can clear your conscience about the night before with him. But all you see in his gaze is a flash of further fear, regret, and pain, and you know he’s not going to stay. On top of that, you know you must’ve said something utterly terrible to him last night, because the only other time you’ve seen his eyes flash like that is when you told him you never wanted to see him again. “I’m alright,” Javier finally dismisses Connie’s offer in his usual gruff voice. “I’ve got some errands to run. But thanks, anyway.” Connie nods, and Javier gives you a curt nod as well. “I’m glad you’re okay, bella.” With that, he turns away to leave.

Before he can go too far, you hurry over to the door, stepping outside to call to Javier where he’s descending the stairs. “Javi!” you exclaim, and he turns around quickly to face you. Your stomach sinks at the way his gaze practically begs you to let him go. “Thank you. For taking care of me last night.”

Javier simply gives you another nod, turning back around to finish going down the stairs. You try to swallow the lump in your throat as you retreat into Connie’s apartment, practically falling against the counter dramatically when you get there. Connie follows you with a grimace.

“Shit!” you curse angrily, feeling Connie place a comforting hand on your shoulder. You meet her gaze to find her sympathy, and you let out a heavy sigh as you shake your head at her. “I know I said something bad. I could see it written all over him.” You bite your lip, not wanting to dwell on the dark thought you’re conceiving of but having to face the reality of it. “If I didn’t ruin things all those years ago, then I definitely managed to do it, now—after only a week.”

Connie shakes her head as she invites you to sit back down, instead changing the subject as she tries her best to get your mind off things. But it’s too late—you’re already sinking into the black hole you’ve created for yourself. You’d broken things before you even had a chance to fix them, and that’s something you’re not sure you can ever forgive yourself for.

Later that night, you’re going onto your countless hour of despaired solitude, only able to sit on your couch and stare endlessly into the television screen as your mind continues to torment you. You’re still not sure what you said to Javier that made him feel so hurt and afraid. There are too many possibilities, and you don’t want to start considering which one you went for. Each one you manage to think of brings a sharp pain to your chest, so you decide to keep burying them deep inside and hope that he’s just gotten upset over something trivial.

Your thinking’s interrupted by the sound of clattering coming from the hallway. Immediately, you reach for the remote and turn off the television, freezing in place as you tune your ears into whatever could be going down. When you hear more chaos, you practically leap off the couch and hurry to your peephole, looking through to see if you can get a view of what’s going on. Your stomach twists into terrible knots when you finally observe the scene. All it takes is seeing an unfamiliar woman walk through the door of Javier’s apartment for you to understand what’s happening—and hope you don’t have to hear it, like Steve once said you might.

But you don’t even have to hear anything for the memories to start back up like clockwork, ticking to the sounds of the flashback you can never get out of your head.

“Are you sure you’re alright with this?”

You shake your head, closing your eyes as you lean your back against the door. You’re trying to shake it from your head, but you can’t—especially as you further picture what could be happening right down the hall.

“I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life, cariño.”

I should’ve said no, you lament to yourself. I should’ve fucking said no. You manage to make it over to your couch again, resting your elbows on your knees as you let your face fall into your hands. Your heart is screaming at you to remember anything, literally fucking anything, other than what your mind’s choosing to right now, but it’s got a chokehold on you. Now that you’re aware of what Javier’s up to, you can only picture that moment when you were in the same position.

“You’re doing amazing, bella. Fuck—you’re doing so good.”

You can hear his voice so clearly in your head. Still trying to be mindful of the migraine that’d radiated through your head for most of the day but needing to force something out of it, you take your hair in your fists and give it a firm tug.

“Eres mi princesa, bella—siempre. Good girl—God, you’re so beautiful. You always have been.”

They were lies! you want to scream aloud. They were all fucking lies! The way he’d comforted you, made you feel so special, and even murmured a forever—it was all bullshit. You know he’s probably saying the same exact things to the woman you’ve just seen.

“Javi… cariño… I—fuck—I—.”

“Shhh, I know, bella. I know, mi amor.”

Thank God he hadn’t let you say it. But having the audacity to follow it up with those promising words of mi amor makes you want to punch the wall. Upon hearing that for the first time, you truly thought everything was going to change—and instead, you’re here many years later, knowing he’s calling a stranger the same thing just a few feet away down the hall.

The voices have just started to fade into the feeling of your skin burning underneath his tender touch when another commotion outside your door interrupts you. Thankful for the distraction from your torment, you hop up from the couch and head for the peephole—already hearing a female yelling something in Spanish. Sure enough, when you look outside, you see the same woman from before storming out of Javier’s apartment and heading for the door to the outside. You raise an eyebrow, wondering how such a sudden turnaround could’ve happened.

You release a breath you never realized you were holding, glad that the memory’s starting to fade away as you head for the couch again. You stop, however, when you hear a hesitant knocking at your door. A pit forms in your stomach, and you turn around slowly to face the door yet again. You’re pretty certain of who’s standing there, and you’re not sure you’re ready to face them after the chaos they just unleashed on your mind. As soon as you open the door, however, you’re at their mercy—feeling your heart sink at the sight of their dark gaze brimming with unshed tears.

“Cariño,” you whisper, resting a gentle hand on his shoulder. You attempt to push past the fact that half his shirt’s unbuttoned, his lips are more swollen than usual, and his hair’s in quite a disarray, solely wanting to make him feel at ease. “What’s wrong?”

Javier shakes his head, biting his lip to keep himself from releasing the tears that still fill his eyes. You let out a soft breath and gesture towards the couch, seeing him head towards it with relief as you close the door behind him. You sit beside him gingerly, your gaze never leaving him. He’s leaning his elbows on his knees as his clasped hands rest over his mouth, his eyes looking endlessly into your coffee table. No matter how painful your latest memories of him have been, or how afraid you are of whatever you said to him last night, it absolutely devastates you to see him like this—so you let your hand fall on his back as your thumb rubs soothing circles over it.

“How can I help you, Javi?”

Javier blinks once, his gaze never moving as he finally rests his hands below his chin and offers an answer. “You can’t.” His gruff voice is broken, and the sound of it makes your heart absolutely shatter.

“Why not?” You keep your question gentle, to avoid provoking him by mistake.

“Because.” Javier pauses, taking a shaky breath before he finally looks over at you. The same fear, pain, and regret from earlier is in his gaze, and you wish you could just make it all disappear. “I don’t deserve it.”

You grimace, your hand slowly falling from his back. “Javi—.”

“I brought a woman in,” Javier cuts you off, clenching his jaw as he stares at something beyond you, “wanting to use her like I always do. To forget shit. To avoid it. But this time, fuck, all I could remember was you saying that I made you feel like a whore that one night, and I… I couldn’t help thinking, what if I make all of them feel like that? Because it seems I’ve sure as fuck made myself out to be just that.”

Your whole body goes cold, and you can barely speak around the lump in your throat as you dare to respond. “When did I say that?”

Javier’s gaze returns to yours, and you can see the horror he feels upon hearing your words. “Last night,” he breathes. “You don’t remember that?”

You shake your head. “I don’t remember anything after dancing at the bar, Javi.”

Javier looks away from you. “Fuck,” he curses to himself. “Fuck.”

You start to panic, realizing that this is the thing you’ve been dreading all day. “Look, Javi, I was drunk, and you know I don’t get drunk often. I probably didn’t even know what I was saying.”

“That was some pretty deep bullshit to have made up on the spot, bella.” Javier’s gaze snaps back to you, and those same three emotions are present in his eyes. “You don’t need to lie to me. I heard all your pain myself.” Upon saying that, you see his eyes widen slightly, and he stands up from the couch in a rush. You rise after him, watching as he rubs his hands on his thighs nervously and looks towards the door. “I don’t know why I came, I—I shouldn’t have come.” He looks at you quickly, averting your gaze as he gives you a nod. “Sorry.” Javier then takes off for your door, leaving you in a daze as you try to follow him.

“Wait, cariño!” you exclaim, trying to keep him from fleeing. He’s fast, however, and you only have time to get to your door when you see him walking back into his apartment and no doubt locking the door behind him. “Shit.” You slam your door closed and rest your forehead against it, closing your eyes and chewing your lip as you try to bury the sudden pain and confusion that’s rushed on like a wave.

You’re confident that you’ve managed to ruin your attempt at a second chance with Javier before you could even try to start it—and, in the process, contributed to the further damaging of his self-image. So much for leaving the shitshow in Texas.

chapter 6

translations:

Eres mi princesa, bella—siempre = You’re my princess, beautiful, forever

tags: @tarrevizslas @none-of-your-bullshit @lavenderl3mons @gooddaykate @flower-petal-blooming @stilllivindue2spite @mrsparknuts @fionnthebandersnacc @pisss-offf-ghostt @gaydreamland @longitud-de-onda @literallytrashhhhhh @kkgraham @arrowswithwifi @rage-isaquietthing @awesomefandomsunited @theforceofdarkandlight @murdermewithbooks @blushingwueen @rachelloveseveryone @madadlorian @ah-callie @mrsdaamneron @lokiaddicted @arcadianempress @benakenalove @wickedfrsgrl @pascalisperfect @absurdthirst @weirdowithnobeardo @lcandothisallday @sailorflowermoon @engineeredfiction @souls-rain @kaylaylaylayla @cailoleaf @unintentionalwriter @earthtokace @starwarsiscooliguess @xxlovingfandomsxx @theindiealto @mikahid @hiscyarika @burningsoulbloodyheart @youhavereachedtheendofpie @synystersilenceinblacknwhite

[soheila-1996]

My Story- Part Nine

My little disclaimer

I have epilepsy. This details my seizures, I can’t speak for everyone, everyone’s seizures/ experiences are different. This is graphic. Seizures are messy. They aren’t fun and it felt wrong to make it out to be cute when they really aren’t.   Pretty much all the things that happen in the plot have happened to me. Well, I’m not married to a king or live in a palace so…there’s that but everything else is accurate.  There may be some jokes about it here because I do joke about it sometimes. It makes me more comfortable and I find it helps relax everyone around me. I’m also writing about it because there really aren’t that many fics written about it and I think it’s important to shine light on it.

Any feedback is really appreciated! :)

Tagging people who shared the last  part. You don’t have to read it! I just thought you might want to see what happens: @kacie-0156 @texaskitten30, @cordonianroyalty, @kingliam2019 , @bebepac, @kingliam-rys, @cordonia-gothqueen, @kimmiedoo5, @bbrandy2002, @loveellamae  @bobasheebaby @losingbraincellseveryday  @marshmallowsaremyfavorite @jared2612 @flutistbyday2020 @debramcg1106 @anotherbeingsworld @leaharhys @cordoniaqueensworld @bascmve01

Paring: Liam and Riley

Word count: 3,316

Catch up here

(Riley’s POV)  It’s the day after everything happened with Ben. I had gotten a very limited amount of sleep last night. I couldn’t switch off. I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened. The events of last night were going around my head as if it was stuck on a constant loop. At least Tom- my ex, had the common decency to tell me our relationship was over face to face and did it in a much less harsh manner. 

I knew prior to this that Ben is a little bit of a tool, that he isn't the nicest of people but...he was different with me so much so I had made the mistake of thinking that he actually cared about me.  Maybe that was down to me being somewhat of a naive teenager. 

I wish that Erica would've told me the real reason for his absence last night instead of telling me he was upset which implied that he cared, when he so clearly doesn’t. 

I keep looking over the texts and photo he sent me last night. I keep trying to excuse his behaviour. Maybe he’s scared- I would be. It’s a lot to deal with and it is frightening. The more I think about it, the more I try to excuse  it, the more I realise that he’s just a bad person- that’s the harsh  reality of it. 

My eyes begin to fill with tears as I look over the messages and photo again. Even if i didn’t like someone I wouldn't do this. I wouldn't  photograph them at their most vulnerable and be this heartless. 

I heard a knock at my door before my dad strode in, unaware of my suffering. “Morning Ri!” he said, too chiper for this time in the morning in my opinion. “Come on, sleepyhead, It’s time to get up!” He announced, and I knew what he was about to do. 

“Dad no!” I whined at him. I didn’t want him to see the tears that were now streaming down my cheeks. I didn’t want my parents, my sisters and brother to find out how badly I’ve messed up. 

He didn't listen and pulled open my curtains allowing the sunlight to pour in. He turned around, his body language changing from being relaxed to alarmed at seeing my teary eyes. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He asked, perching on the end of my bed as I sat myself up.  

“Nothing,” I sniffled. His eyebrow raised in question and concern. “I-” I wanted to tell someone about what happened last night but it felt like it was my fault. “I just had a nightmare,” I lie.

He gave me a sad smile. “Well, whatever it was about, it’s not real.” 

“I know,” I nodded, wiping at my sore, puffy eyes. He seemed to buy it, he didn't ask any more questions and left me to change into my chosen outfit for the day. 

Once I had changed, brushed my teeth and hair, I grabbed my phone and bag from my room then headed downstairs for some breakfast. 

My parents, my two older sisters, Casey and Sally and my older brother, Josh, were all sitting at the table by the time I  came down. I sat beside Josh since that was the only available seat at the packed table.  

I leaned over to grab a piece of toast off the rack in the middle of the table and plastered it in some butter. Everyone else talked with one another but I stayed silent as I ate my toast and sipped at some juice. 

My phone sat beside me. It kept pinging with notifications but we weren't allowed to use our phones at the table so I left it. 

My eldest sister, Casey, looked over to me when my phone continuously went off for a couple minutes. “Someone’s popular,” she joked. 

“Yeah,” I  sigh, “I guess so.” 

“What’s up? You don’t seem very happy?” My brother asked. 

“I'm just tired. I didn’t sleep very well last night,” I explained, shrugging. My phone continued to go off so I picked it up with the intention of switching it off but got intrigued by all the notifications from twitter  and instagram as well as some texts from my friends that littered my screen. 

I decided to look at my texts first. 

Luna: Hey, i’ve just seen the video...Why would anyone do that? 

I creased my eyebrows: What video? 

Rachel: I thought I’d let you know that there's a video of you having some kind of fit going around at the minute. Loads of people from school have seen it. 

Monica: Are you okay? What happened at Ben’s last night? 

Phoebe: I hope you’re okay. I just saw the video.

There are a few other texts from my friends but I decide to open up twitter to see what video they’re talking about. My face pales as I open up the app and immediately see what I went looking for. 

Fuck

My mom finishes swallowing what’s in her mouth before speaking, interrupting me from looking at the rest of my messages and comments on the video.  “How are you feeling this morning? You’re a little pale,” she mentioned. 

“Fine,” I nod, switching my phone off.  “I’m a little bit sore but I’m fine.”  

“Are you sure you’re okay, Ri?” Sally asks me. I nod- Of course, I’m not okay, I am now dreading going to school. Everyone knows. 

I was dreading going in today anyway since Ben is in all my classes and I’d need to face him but...now apparently I’ve got to face the  entire school. 

“Yeah, I’m good,”I  mumbled quietly. My mom nodded, I can tell by the look she gives me that she’s concerned but she doesn't push it. 

“Have you taken your medication?” I nodded as I took a sip of my drink. 

My dad glances down at his watch. “We better get going,” he announced. 

I said goodbye to my mom, brother and sisters then headed out and into my dad's car. 

The drive to school was quick. It was spent mainly in a comfortable silence. When  we arrived I gave my dad a quick hug before getting out of the car and heading inside.

**

It’s a few hours into the day, my best friend Luna and I are now sitting in the cafeteria. Luna is  scoffing down her lunch but I'm not hungry. People had been staring at me all day. Some had some empathy and said they were sorry about what the boys have done, while others encouraged their behaviour.

Luna is sitting opposite me on the bench where I’m not really paying attention to her, Ben and his friends are sitting close by and I can hear them laughing.  

I look up to Luna when she touches my arm to get my attention. “Are you not gonna eat?” 

I shake my head and push the tray away from me, “I’m not hungry.” It’s probably a mixture of things, not getting enough sleep often makes me not very hungry and sometimes a little bit sick, or it could be down to everyone in my school talking about me  and laughing behind my back. Either way I don’t feel like eating.

You would think that a group of teenagers nearing adulthood would be able to tell right from wrong. The next few minutes go by painfully slow. Luna doesn’t try to make conversation- I’m thankful for that, I really don’t want to talk about it. 

It’s just as Luna is finishing up her meal my stomach feels like it’s trying to do a backflip. I take in a deep breath. 

Not here. Please not here. 

Luna looks over to me with her eyebrows creased. “Are you okay?”  I nodded. “Ri?” She questioned further, not convinced. 

“I-I…” I start to say as my vision starts to blur. “I’m not-” I stutter as I unsteadily  managed to get up to my feet. 

Luna gets to her feet and comes around the bench to stand in front of me. “Riley, what’s wrong?” 

“I’m...I’m not…” I stumbled backwards a little as the world began to spin and my arm starts to tingle.  She stepped forward and grabbed under my arms to stop me falling backwards. “I’m not feeling well,” I  managed to get out. 

“Why don’t you sit down? I'll go and find a teacher.” 

I shook my head at her suggestion. “N-No. I-I feel...I feel sick.”  

“Okay,” she responded, calmly. “We’ll go to the toilet, yeah?”  

“I need to-” I was trying to tell her that I need to lay down because I’m not steady on my feet and the world feels like it’s spinning at a million miles an hour. My knees buckle, Luna jumps forward and helps ease me down onto my knees.

I lean forward slightly. I placed my right palm flat on the floor but I can get the other one to do that so I leave it hanging by my side. The world around me spins and I puke. 

I feel someone rubbing my back soothingly. “Okay, Okay. It’s okay, Ri.” I think that’s Luna but I’m not so sure. 

I hear a loud noise. Like someone’s clapping. “She’s at it again!” The voice is echoey but I recognise it. It’s Ben.

(Luna’s POV)  I’m rubbing circles along my best friends back as Ben, the biggest piece of shit in the school, is laughing and clapping along with his friends. 

“Ben knock it off!”  

My warning for him to stop goes unheeded as he continues. I’m really struggling to comprehend how anyone could act like this. 

“She’s only doing it for attention,” he accused. 

I turned to look at him shaking my head. “She’s not doing it for attention, you asshole!” 

Riley begins to panic and tries to squirm away from me. “Riley, It’s okay. You’re okay.” 

Riley fell onto her side, now  unable to support herself. I help her to lay down onto her side. I slip off my jacket and place it under her head- this is a familiar routine. My dad has epilepsy, I've had to do this for him on a number of occasions.

Why isn’t a teacher or the nurse here yet? 

“M scared,” Riley cries. I turned to look down at her. 

“It’s okay. Just try and relax Ri. You’re okay.” Just as I finish my sentence Riley begins to seize and a couple of teacher’s and the school nurse rush in.

 I grab my phone and start a timer then answer the nurses questions as a couple other teachers work on getting the other students out of the room to give Riley some privacy. 

I looked around us as her seizure continued. I could see some students crowded around us with their phones out- filming it like it’s some kind of entertainment. The teachers managed to get them all to leave and turn their phones off. 

It was two minutes later when her movement’s started to slow down as her seizure was stopping. When she was done the nurse made sure she was on her side and wiped away a bit of blood and spit that leaked out of her mouth. She then backed away from her a little bit so not crowd  her when she woke up.

(Rileys POV)  I have absolutely no idea where I am when I open my eyes. Nothing makes any sense. I can’t really see anything, it’s all just a big blob of colours blending into each other. 

I’m trying to move but I can’t. My body feels like it’s being magnetized to the floor. 

Why can’t I move?!

Slowly the mixed in colours start to separate and the round around me starts to become clearer. I still don’t understand where I am though. My mind is blank but screaming at the to escape from this place at the same time. 

I’m scared. 

I can see something crouched down beside me. That scares me, I can’t  tell who it is! Nothing makes any sense whatsoever! 

I continue to try and squirm away when I notice another one but my body really doesn't want to comply with my commands. 

“Riley, can you hear me?” It’s then I realised that I couldn’t hear to begin with. Everything sounds weird, like my ears are filled with water. It's a female voice that I don’t recognize.  I realise it’s coming from one of the figures near me. 

Who is she? 

“Riley?” Another female voice called. I recognize that one. I looked up at the figures as their facial features and other details about my surroundings became much clearer. I realise that My friend Luna is hovering above me and another lady who I think is the school nurse. I can’t be sure though my memory is a little foggy. 

 I look around the room and figure out that I'm in the cafeteria. “School?” I question. 

“Yeah, we’re at school,” Luna answered. I nodded as I tried to sit myself up. I struggle but Luna helps me. I look around me; Why am I here? I don’t remember. 

“W-What happened?” 

“You had a seizure,” the nurse answered. 

I nod. I don’t really understand what’s going on and so her explanation goes right over my head. A little bit of time passes and I ask the previous question again. They both patiently answer them and explain it all to me. 

 **

The school have decided to send me home after my stunt in the cafeteria. I’m now sitting in the nurse's office-  It’s probably a good thing, I’m not feeling well enough to deal with the impending, inevitable backlash I'm probably going to receive after that.  So many people saw...

According to Luna, she saw some people with their cells out recording it so...another embarrassing video was probably about to go circling around the school again. 

My brother apparently was on the way to pick me up since my parents are both at work. I don’t need Josh to go into full blown protective big brother mode. All my siblings are quite a bit older than me. There’s nearly ten years between myself and Josh,  Eight between Casey and I and six between me and Sally. All of them are too overprotective sometimes. 

They had let Luna sit with me until my brother arrived. We both sat in an awkward silence while we waited. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Luna asked me politely. 

 “My parents, my sisters and my brother are so protective over me because of It and I-  I guess I  just wanted to be normal so I didn’t tell anyone that way none would look at me differently.” 

“I get that but I’m your best friend.” 

“ I should’ve told you. I know that now. We’re...still friends though right?” 

She playfully nudges my shoulder, “Yes! Of course, we are.” 

The minutes later and now I’m sitting in my brother’s car in the passenger seat. We’d been sitting in silence for a little while. I understand why he’s so agitated, it’s his day off work and his day has been interrupted because of me. 

 He tapped his fingers against the steering wheel as we pulled up at a red light. “You alright?” I ask. He nods. “I’m sorry.” 

He turned to face me. “For?” 

“Ruining your day. I didn’t know the school was going to call you.” 

He turned to me and gave me a small smile. “It’s fine. You're my little sis. I’d do anything for you.” 

I crinkle my nose in disgust. “You’ve gone soft,” I accuse. 

“Have not,” He replied, childishly. 

I turned to him laughing, “I’ll let you let you have this one; only because you’re my ride home.” 

“Smart girl,” he nodded. I rolled my eyes at him. “There’s erm...there’s something i need to talk to you about when we get home.” 

“Okay...sounds ominous,” I chuckled nervously. 

When we arrived home Josh told me to go and sit down at the table. He stood, with his arms crossed across his chest. “Whats up?” I asked, unnerved by his behaviour. 

He took out his phone from his back pocket and pulled something up onto the screen. He set it down on the table in front of me. I swallowed thickly when I noticed that it’s the video Ben took of me last night. 

“How did you..?” 

“John’s little brother goes to your school, he saw it, told John, he told me. Why didn’t you tell me, Ri?” 

I shrugged, “I don’t know... I- I shouldn't  have gone to his house last night, mom and dad were right it was a mistake. Maybe if I told him about it we could’ve avoided this altogether. I’m sorry.”  

“It’s not your fault,” He told me. It feels like it is though. “Another thing: you told me you took your medication this morning. You didn’t. Why didn't you take them?” 

“They don’t do anything. They don’t stop the seizures so what’s the point of taking them?” 

“Riley,” he said in an authoritative tone. “You have to take them. I understand your frustration but if you continue to work with your doctor to figure out what the best dosages are then you’ll be fine. It’ll take time but you still have to take them. Promise me you’ll take them.” 

“I promise.” I haven't been completely truthful with Josh. Yes, I’m annoyed that they do literally nothing but that’s not the reason I’m not going to take them. I knew the reason I didn't take them but I was hardly about to tell my brother. I don’t need him getting involved. 

(Karol’s  POV)  The doctors had to stop Riley’s seizure with some medication. It didn’t last nearly as long as it had yesterday morning but it didn't look like it was going to stop on its own and nobody wanted to risk it. 

It never gets easier. I’ve seen her have a seizure so many times and it still breaks my heart. She’s my little girl and I feel so helpless to protect her. 

She had woken up a little while ago but had fallen asleep soon after- drowsy from the lorazepam the doctor’s had given her to stop her seizure. 

Liam and Micheal were speaking with her doctor so it was just me and her. I keep going over what she asked me earlier. I didn’t really understand at the time. I just wanted her to relax because i know if she’s tense before the seizure starts she tends to be sore afterwards. Her speech was so slurred  that it was difficult to understand.  If I could make it stop I would. I’d take it away from her and give it to myself. I’d do anything to make sure my little girl is okay. 

She eyes fluttered open. “Hey, sleepyhead,” I greeted quietly. She turned her head to look at me as she wiped at her tried eyes through a yawn. 

“Hi.” 

I let a little time go by so Riley could wake up a little bit before I asked my question. I leaned forward in the chair, resting my elbows on my  thighs.  “Riley, before your seizure you asked me to make it stop. What did you mean?” 

I’ve given her time to wake up a little but she still seems really tired.  “I don’t remember,”  she answered drowsily. Her eyes started to flutter shut again. I stood up from my chair and leaned over to plant a kiss on her forehead. 

“Get some sleep.” 

I go to walk away but she weakly grabs onto my hand with her own. “Don’t go.” 

“Okay,” I nod and sit back down. “Get some rest. I’ll be here when you wake up.” 

“Love you,” she mumbled. I reached over to take her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. 

“I love you too.” 

[nicklangfordmuse]

The Bachelor Party | PART 1

Nick had no idea whats going to happen tonight. All he knows is that they're going to a hotel, just outside of Boston. So there's people there already to check them in a suite and they'd be checking out at noon the next day. It was quite different from Katrina's bachelorette but hopefully, it would be just as fun.

Getting ready in front of the mirror, he wore a white button long sleeved, which he folded up to his elbows, partnered with black pants. He has a bag ready since he was hinted that they might go night swimming at the hotel so he got an extra set of clothes ready, as well as his swimming shorts. Checking the time, it was 10 minutes till 6 so Tyler and Grant would be there any minute.

Nick went downstairs and saw his family on the couch, watching some Lion King to lift up the little boy's mood. Now he was feeling bad about leaving them. Especially with the bag in hand, he wonderedhat was going on in his fiance's head. "Babe. Uhm...the boys are gonna be here any minute." Nick said as Katrina got up and went to him to fix his collar. "Okay. You look handsome, by the way. As always." She said, smiling lightly which made Nick pout. "I feel bad for going. Maybe I should...just go home later tonight."

Katrina gave him a look and Nick knew what that meant. Raising both his hands, Nick chuckled and surrendered. "You deserve to have a great time just as I did, okay? So don't worry about your pouty son and your...kind of jealous fiance wants to be swimming at the hotel pool with you and see you stunning and." She told him teasingly, giving Nick a quick kiss on the lips. "But it's fine. Come San Diego, we'll have our own jacuzzi, three pool options and several beaches to swim in." She said, trying to look at the bright side before pulling Nick down a bit to whisper to his ear. "And have sex in. Of course." Nick chuckled and shook his head at her. "You're a tease. No boners allowed tonight." He responded with a smirk.

Just a few minutes after, there's honking outside the apartment and he knew it was time to go. "Alright, bubba. Come on. Give me a kiss. I'll be back tomorrow." Nick said and the little boy wrapped his arms tightly around his dad. "I will miss you, daddy. Come home soon." He asked and Nick nodded. "I'll be home sooner than you know it. You'll have lots of fun with mama and Milo here, okay? I love you." Nick assured his son, giving him a kiss. Getting up, he said goodbye to his fiance next. "Have fun, okay? Use your phone, only for emergencies. Just enjoy the night with the boys." Katrina told him, knowing he could easily get worried about having too much fun. "I promise. I love you. I'll be home tomorrow." He said, giving her a couple of kisses before hearing the boys repeatedly honking for him to go out. Chuckling, Nick nodded and waved at his family. "Okay, okay. I'm gonna go. Love you guys."

He went out and was greeted by Tyler and Grant in a red convertible mustang which was just so good in the eyes. "No way. Come on, where did you guys get this?" Nick asked, jogging towards the fancy car. "It's an expensive rental, okay? We're going for a bit of a long drive and might as well look cool for your bachelor party, right?" Tyler said, seeing Katrina and Shawn come out to check the car. "Mama! It's so cool!" Shawn said excitedly, pulling his mama closer to the car to check it. Katrina figured a closer look wouldn't hurt so she went with Shawn. "Where did you guys even get this?" Katrina asked the boys, chuckling. "I have my sources." Grant told them with a grin. "Can I ride, mama? Please. I wanna go with daddy." Shawn begged. They all chuckled, figuring he would ask that. "I'll see if I can rent this car again next time, okay bud? But tonight is your daddy's night so he's gonna get to ride it first." Grant said and Shawn had to nod with a pout. "Okay, big boy. Go inside with mama. We have to go now." Nick said, kissing his son again before kissing Katrina quickly. "We'll bring him home tomorrow." Tyler assured Katrina. "Preferably in one piece, please." Katrina replied jokingly before waving at the guys as they left.

The drive felt so cool and relaxing, just watching the sun slowly setting right before their eyes. About an hour since they left, they finally got to the hotel. The rest of the guys were already checked in the room so they just carried their bags upstairs. Once the suite door opened, he was greeted in surprise with the decorated room. Donnie, Sam and Joe, all high school friends, were already in the room waiting for him. They've decorated the place with just balloons that spelled bachelor party. He was glad that they all got to come since it was close to Rockford anyway.

"Okay, okay. Get settled in before we start with the first order of business." Tyler said, somehow leading the party. "As you can see, we have two bedrooms available. We can just keep our stuff in there and bring the mattresses out here." Tyler said, as if they're going to use the mattresses tonight. Suddenly, the doorbell of the room rang and the guys cheered. "Looks like our first order of business is here." Grant said teasingly and Nick swallowed hard, trying to act cool. But he's seen enough movies and videos to have a clue where this might lead to. Please, no strippers, he begged in his mind. Tyler opened the door and welcomed a hotel staff, pushing a tray. "Thank you, sir." Tyler said, tipping the guy before he left. Nick had a huge relief on his face, glad that it was just food. Taking the cover out, Tyler revealed what was inside. "Steaks and shots. It's dinner time, boys."

Everyone took their seats in the dinning table and was distributed a big slab of steak each, along with some carrots and corn. The boys were about to dig in but Tyler stopped them. "Shots first guys. Come on. Let's toast it." Tyler said before nodding at Nick to make a speech. "Okay, okay. I'm not...big on speeches but...I guess I should get used to it since I'm...saying my vows to a garden full of guests." Nick started, chuckling.

"Thank you, guys. Not just for today. I know the day hasn't started yet but it already feels so amazing, having you guys here with me to celebrate my last days as a single man. I know I'll have you guys by my side for a lifetime. Cheers to a fun filled night and lifetime of friendship." Nick said, raising his shot as did everyone else. "Cheers. To Nick." Donnie said and everyone repeated. They all took their shots before sitting back down to start eating their steaks.

"Okay. No filter, no judgements. Are you excited to finally be officially off the market?" Grant asked as they ate. "Of course, I am. I mean, I've already been off the market since Katrina and I got back together so...it's just...sealing the deal now. No backing out, for her mostly." Nick said jokingly as they all chuckled. "You better put a helmet on your woman's head before she wakes up to this reality." Donnie teased him as the boys laughed. "No need, man. No need. We're both wide awake from the engagement till the wedding. We want this." Nick assured them.

"No regrets? Really? I mean, you were engaged to someone else a year and a half ago. What makes you sure that...this is really it?" Tyler asked.

Nick paused, chewing on his butter-like steak before answering. "Katrina is the love of my life. Back in high school, we've talked about this once or twice, that we want to marry each other. Back then, it wasn't that serious but...a part of me was hoping we both meant it. And...as for Jess, I guess I was scared, you know? I left...everyone years ago, I was afraid that...karma would hit me and she'd do the same to me. So...I popped the question to make sure...I wasn't alone for the rest of my life. It was selfish but...it is what I honestly thought. And for Katrina, I popped the question because I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life." Nick revealed as the guys listened, looking quite serious about the discussion. "And...after what Jess did to Shawn, I'm 101% sure she's not the woman I'd want to be with. Shawn came to my life and he instantly became my priority. My decisions got based on how it would affect Shawn." He added and guys smiled at him, seeing the father in him glow.

"Yeah well, it all came full circle in the end. The mother of your child is also the woman you'll call your wife." Donnie told Nick, patting his back proudly. "Mother of his children, you mean." Tyler teased, smirking at Nick and there was a loud gasp in the room as they all turned to Nick. "Katrina's pregnant?" Grant asked and Nick chuckled, shaking his head as he threw a piece of corn kernels at Tyler. "We're... we're not pregnant but...we agreed that we'd start trying on our honeymoon. She'll stop taking her pills a week before the wedding." Nick revealed and the boys cheered.

"Wow. Shawn's gonna be a big brother soon." Joe teased and Donnie had to chime in. "I doubt they'd take longer than the honeymoon. Knowing Nick, you'd probably get her pregnant before the wedding." He teased and everyone laughed along. Nick could feel his face getting red but he just laughed along.

"Tell me about it." Tyler joined. "This man can't keep his hands off his wife. Wherever they are." The boys kept laughing as they ate. "Come on. If your fiances anything like Katrina, who would want to keep his hands off her?" Nick replied and everyone chuckled. "Okay, okay. No offense but...how is she...in bed? We all know your gal has the best moves on stage but...what about your own stage?" Tyler asked teasingly. Nick was quiet for a while, trying to think of a response. "Let's just say...if she got a few medals for dancing on stage, she deserves a hundred trophies in bed." Nick answered and everyone cheered on. Shaking his head, Nick knew they should stop talking about this. "My wife's gonna kill me if she finds out I talk to you guys about our sex life. Enough of that." Nick said, chuckling.

Once they finished eating their dinner, Nick thought they'd be resting at the room with more drinks but there was a knock on the door. "I'll get it." Grant said, going to the front to open the door. He was greeted by an officer. Two officers in uniform. "I'm looking for Mr. Grant Rhodes." The officer said and the low and heavy tone was enough to catch the attention of the boys inside. "Yeah, that's me. What's...what's going on?" Grant asked before getting surrounded by the boys.

"Hey, hey. What's happening?" Nick asked, feeling like the responsible one since it's his party.

"Mr. Rhodes, we've received an Intel that a red mustang convertible has been missing since 10 in the morning today. It was reported that one Grant Rhodes checked it out from Octa Intelligence Firm without official permission so we're filling it under robbery. We'd like to bring you down at the station for questioning." The officer said, already pulling Grant out of the room to handcuff him but the boys tried to stop. "Hold on, hold on. There...there wasn't a robbery. Grant, come on. You said you got it from a source." Nick said but Grant was quiet. "Look, officers, the car is at the parking lot. You can...you can just...get it there. There's no need to arrest my friend. We're just here to celebrate." Nick tried to explain but Grant is already in handcuffs. "What's the celebration for? Stealing an expensive car from the Governor?" The officer questioned and Nick's eyes went wide. "The Governor? What? No, no. It's my bachelor party and..." Nick tried to explain. "Please, sir. Anything you say can and will be used against you. If this is your party, might as well come with us to the station for proper questioning." The officer said and Nick just wanted to go home already. This isnt how he imagined his bachelor party would go.

Nick was also handcuffed but remembering what he says can be used against him, he stayed quiet, feeling extremely confused and stressed. "Follow us and...don't call Katrina until I say so." Nick told the guys and they nodded, already getting their stuff and following them. Going to the elevator, they were lead to the basement parking of the hotel and the cop car is there waiting for them.

"What the hell, dude? Why didn't you tell me you stole the Mustang? We could've just used our car!" Nick said, feeling a bit angry at the guy. They were sat in the backseat but before the door was closed, the cops put a cover over their heads, preventing them to see what was going on. The door was locked and their hands were cuffed behind them.

"Hey! Hey! What's going on?" Nick said out loud, trying to kick the doors out. "Shit, shit, shit!" Nick said, panicking a bit as well as Grant. The cop car drove like it was racing and it was starting to stress out Nick already. "Just...just calm down, Nick, okay? We're gonna get out of here." Grant assured him calmly but he just couldn't stay calm. He could hear the sirens going off but just a few minutes after, the car stopped. "What's going on? Why did we stop?" Nick asked but Grant was quiet. The car door opened and Nick was forcefully pulled out of the car. He wanted to go hysterical but there was loud music going off around him. They're definitely not at a station. His cuffs were removed as well as his cover.

"Surprise!" Everyone shouted and Nick was surprised where they are. "What the fuck?" He asked in confusion as the 'cops' and boys were laughing. "Dude, I have enough Benjamins in my bank to buy my own mustang. I would never steal one." Grant revealed as Tyler laughed along. "We just know you'd say no if you find out where we're going so...we had to forcefully take you out of the hotel." He revealed as the boys pulled him inside the club. Stepping inside the dance club, he saw what was inside and he already knew why the guys kept this a secret from him. Girls dancing on stages but there was a big dancefloor in the middle. "Guys, come on. No strippers." Nick tried to stop them but the boys kept pushing him. "Dude, no bachelor party is a success without strippers. Trust us, we got you. They're just there for entertainment. We have our own booth. You can look but you can't touch. We got you." Donnie assured him.

Letting out a breath, Nick knew Katrina would probably get mad but as long as he doesn't get near the strippers, he's all good. "Fine, fine. But we're just here to drink and...dance, but not to socialize." Nick said but Joe and Sam shook their heads. "None for you but who says we can't meet girls for us?" Sam said and Nick nodded at him. "Okay, maybe for you guys but none for me." Nick said and the boys cheered, glad that he's willing to stay now.

The guys made their way inside their booth and drinks were instantly served to them. Nick figured he'd just relax and be prepared for whatever surprise the boys have for him. An hour into drinking, the boys could already feel the effects of the alcohol and Sam already has a woman in his arms. Half an hour later, Nick noticed a familiar face. Unknowingly, he has been in the same club as Mateo was for the past half hour. And it looks like they've had one too many drinks already.

Mateo's group came up to their booth, looking all tough and pissed. "Well, well, well. It looks like... we're now closer to being even. Another failed engagement, Langford?" He asked, trying to mock Nick.

"Who is this?" Donnie asked after taking a shot. Nick stood up, wanting to be at eye level with the guy. "Mateo. Katrina's...ex-colleague and former harrasser." Nick revealed which pissed off the guys so they stood up too. "Seriously, man?" Tyler asked, feeling protective of his friend.

Mateo had that smug look on his face as he shook his head. "I did not harrass her. Get your facts straight. She was...kinda asking for it." He said and that just boiled the blood up Nick's brain. He was almost about to attack Mateo but Grant and Joe stopped him. "Stay out of our way, man. We're just trying to celebrate here." Joe told Mateo but the guy shook his head. "Nah, nah. I've been wanting to go toe to toe with you, Langford. Paul wanted me for Katrina. He saw a future for us and none for you." Mateo kept taunting him and Nick just wanted to punch that teeth down his throat. "You know what, man. Run your mouth all you want but the truth remains. Katrina will never love, even like you. You're nothing to my future wife." Nick said as both crews stopped Nick and Mateo respectively as they tried to attack each other. It caught the attention of everyone, especially the dj who told them to stop over the microphone.

"Stop that, guys. Clearly, there's some beef between two parties so...let's just settle this the way we always settle things here at Rave Wave." The DJ said and the crowd cheered, knowing what's coming next.

"DANCE OFF!" Everyone said out loud as the music got louder and the crowd cheered for both teams.

"Dance off? This guy can't even dance to save his life!" Mateo said out loud, trying to embarrass Nick.

Nick was so pissed and maybe it's the alcohol talking but he's not backing down from this. "I can still beat you even if I have two left feet." Nick said which amped the crowd more, cheering him on and Mateo shook his head as his crew went to the dance floor.

"Nick, you can't dance." Donnie said, reminding his friend of that one ability he's a bit terrible with. Taking one more shot, Nick put his glass down and shook his head. "I don't care. I'm gonna win this for my wife." Nick said, moving towards the dancefloor to get this competition started. "Holy fuck, we're gonna lose." Tyler said, palming his face and shaking his head.

Having no choice, the boys went to the dancefloor and followed Nick. The Bachelor looks so determined to win this but his face showed how drunk he is to be making his decision. "Alright, two teams. You have three rounds to dance to whatever song is on. The crowd will decide who wins after three rounds. Who goes first?" The DJ asked and Mateo raised his hand to get the first dance.

The DJ played Lady Gaga's Just Dance and Mateo and his crew immediately knew how to dance, just following how Mateo was moving. Nick and his boys stood back, watching them move. One did a flip and the crowd cheered. "Can you do that?!" Donnie asked Nick and he shook his head. "We don't need flips." Nick said, trying to think of a dance to lead his team. When it's his team's turn, he suddenly felt embarrassed but he figured he should just go for it. Moving forward, Nick did a few dance moves, ignoring the fact that people are watching. People could tell how terrible he is at dance but his confidence was gaining him cheers. The boys followed suit and started copying Nick's dance moves. Six adult men, dancing terribly to Lady Gaga but it was hella entertaining so the crowd cheered for them. Clearly, Nick won that round.

The DJ changed the song and it was Nick's team's turn to start the round. Once the song played, it was some sort of classical tune that's perfect for slow and elegant moves, something under Mateo's forte.

"What do we do?" Donnie asked, starting to feel embarrassed as they were just standing there. The people started booing and the group knew they lost this round. Mateo came forward and started doing ballet routines that people enjoyed. He clearly knows this genre and Nick just had to give up. "Nevermind. We'd never win against those jelly legs." Nick said, shrugging it off. If this round broke their hopes of winning, then the next round is a sure loss.

The crowd cheered and the DJ announced that Mateo's team won. "Dude, it's just a fun competition. All he'll win is bragging rights. Katrina's still marrying you." Grant tried to give comfort to the groom but Nick doesn't want to take it. "Nah, nah. That's not it, man. I need to win this. I'm like...fighting for my wife's honour here. We need to get the next round." Nick tried to explain and its clearly the drunk in them that's talking.

"For the final round, y'all need to be prepared. Crowd gets to decide the winner here." The DJ announced as Nick and his team, as well as Mateo's team got ready for the next music. The DJ played a track and the entire club was in confusion. What song is this?

Then, the words started and Nick's face lit up, getting extremely familiar with it as the song kept going. "Oh, I'm a gummy bear. Yes, I'm a gummy bear. Oh, I'm a yummy yummy funny... I know this song!" Nick sang and shouted out loud. "This is my son's favorite dance in school!" Nick said proudly out loud, remembering all the times Shawn would ask him to join him in practicing. They dance this a lot in school so how could he forget? Nick ran to the middle of the dance floor and started dancing. He looked so silly but everyone enjoyed it so they started cheering. His best men followed him to the middle and danced along.

"That's...that's not dancing! No one dances like that." Mateo tried to reason but Nick shook his head. "That's where you're wrong, boy. Dancing is when you express yourself with your moves. And this is how I express winning, doing what my son loves!" Nick said out loud and everyone cheered more. "Gummy gummy gummy gummy gummy gummy bear!" Nick sang along, knowing the words by heart as Shawn loves to sing it apart from dancing it. The rest of the crowd danced along, following Nick's dance moves which clearly showed who the winner is. Everyone danced to the tune and the club looked like it was full of dancing giant toddlers and Nick was starting to enjoy this dancing thing.

Unfortunately, Mateo wasn't having the time of his life as losing is something he's not used to. His drunk head pushed him to attack Nick with a kick which caused him to fall. Both teams started a fist fight and Nick isn't backing down, flipping Mateo down to the ground and he finally got to punch him for what he did to Katrina. "That's for being an ass to me!" He said, punching him one more time. "And that's for everything you did to my wife!" He said, getting a few more punches and before they know it, cops arrived.

To be continued...

[sammy-jo1977]

Winning the Heart of the Devil Part 3

Part 1  Part 2

Pairings: Matt Murdock x Alex (Oc)

Warnings: brief panicking, fluffiness, more sexy times, cursing, almost smut

Disclaimer: I don not own Daredevil or any related characters

Tags: @sllooney

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Morning for Alex came painfully. Her wrist ached. Her had pounded. Hell her body ached. She was up just before sunrise. Sitting at her table with a cup of coffee in hand. A couple slices of peanut butter toast sat untouched as she stared off into space. Now she had been in tough situations before. Guys that got too grabby after drinking too much. But she had always had back up in a sense with those situations. Last night scared her more than she thought. If the guy in black hadn't shown when he did. While she possibly still would've gotten away on her own, there was also that chance that it could have gone down a very different road. Her boss had let her take a day after she called and told him what happened. 'Just come back to work when you're good. I got it.' At some point she faintly heard a knocking break through her thoughts. She blinked and focused again as another round of knocking sounded against her door. They weren't rushed or even that loud. "Coming." Collecting herself she got up from the table and made her way to the door. Her mind suddenly went into overdrive as she reached for it though. Thoughts of all manner of bad ran through her mind like a highway pile up. "Alex? It's Matt." Almost immediately her nerves calmed. She sighed in sheer relief at just the sound of his voice. A small smile played at the corner of her lips when she opened the door. He leaned on his cane just a little, one hand wrapped around it while the other held his suit jacket which was thrown over his shoulder. He caught her deep inhale, almost as if she was steadying herself before speaking. "Hey Matt. What's up?" Her voice was still a little shaky. Heartbeat was slowing back down. He knew she had almost lost herself before opening the door, it's why he had spoken up. "Nothing. Just thought I'd see if you were working tonight. And if not, would you like to go out for dinner maybe?" Her quick intake of breath and a small chuckle mixed with her heartbeat speeding up just a little made him smile wider. "I uh.." Something was off, he had picked up on it before. "Alex? You alright?" And again like it had been from the other side of the door. He managed to calm her nerves. It surprised him how easily she responded to him. Even just his voice. "Are yo…..", she stopped, a sigh escaped before continuing, "Could you come in? Or are you in a rush." She stepped back when he nodded, allowing him room to enter and closed the door behind him. Sitting on the couch, with she sat almost on the arm a heavy sigh."shit" The curse was low, barely above a whisper. He wanted to ask again if she was alright, but didn’t want to pressure. Instead he draped his jacket over the back of the couch and sat down next to her. "I uh.." She moved to re situate, unconsciously putting pressure on her wrist that had been hurt the night before, resulting in a slight hiss in pain. "Alex? What?" He reached for her, without a thought, the feather light touch along the palm of her hand, and he didn’t miss the almost undetectable flinch or the quick inhale. Matt started to pull back but her fingers curling around his own stopped him. Both sat in silence for a moment. But Alex broke. She thought maybe she had cried her fill when she had gone to bed last night. Soon as the sob broke from her Matt pulled her into his arms. She clung to him as the emotions crashed through her system. After a short while the sobs quieted. Alex found herself almost in Matt's lap, his arms around her, her head tucked into the crook of his neck. His fingers ran gently through her hair in slow pulls. Combing close to her scalp then pulling till the strands fell lightly against her shoulders. The steady rise and fall of his own chest brought a similar rhythm to her own. Her heat slowed to a steady beat again. "I'm sorry." barely above a whisper, her lips brushed against his throat. "Don’t be. No don’t be. It's okay." She lifted her head a little, but when he reached up and cupped her cheek she tilted her head up to look at him. "What happened? Talk to me." She closed her eyes and sighed. Her breath was shaky. He brushed a tear that ran down her cheek and listened as she told what happened before he had shown up, and her version of the rest. Reliving the ordeal threatened to spill out in a rush of emotion again during the retelling but she held firm. "And I guess I just uh… I mean I'm okay. But not. Does that make sense?" He sighed, a sad smile, "Yeah. Makes sense. But hey, you're okay now. Sounds like you did pretty good for a minute before that guy in black showed up. But um… have you thought about maybe taking self defense classes? At the risk of sounding a little patronizing, a woman walking alone at night, I'm worried about you now." Alex sighed, her lip tucking between her teeth. She pulled back a little. His hands falling from her face into her lap to take her own in his grasp. "Yeah I mean I guess. And don’t worry, I've heard it since I moved here. Friends, what family I have left. Shit my brother hates that I moved to New York. Guess I just never got around to it." She sighed again. Squeezing his hands lightly. "Shit. You were headed into work. I'm okay if you’ve got to go." He shook his head, "I can call Foggy. We don’t have anything big at the moment. I can work outta the apartment today. I don’t want you to be alone today." She stammered for a moment, trying to tell him he didn’t have to do that. But his phone started to go off. The automated voice announcing who was calling. It was Foggy. He laughed more to himself at the timing. Letting her hands go, he reached back for his suit jacket that had been left over the back of the couch and retrieved his phone. "Yeah Fog….. Uh huh yeah… um listen, you good if I stay home today?... Yeah, no I got a few things to take care of here…. Just need to go over a few case files…. Well I'm also helping out a friend…. Nah neighbor…. No you haven't met her yet.." He laughed again and shook his head. "Maybe.. Look man, I gotta go…. Okay…. Yeah maybe later… bye Foggy" His glasses reflected red in the light when he bent over to set his phone down on her coffee table. A smile on his lips as he turned back to her. "There. All settled." She scoffed, "You didn’t have to do that." He considered this, a small shrug."No but I wanted to." She shook her head and sighed. Both falling into a light silence before he spook up. "So. We've got the day. What would you like to do Alex?" She struggled with forming any kind of a response for a moment making him chuckle. Alex broke into a laugh herself, leaning into him, her hair brushing his jaw , forehead resting against his shoulder. "Good question apparently." humor in her voice. His head fell back as he laughed, her with him. "Mind if I make a suggestion or two?" He took her light chuckle as a go ahead. "First off? Food." She took a breath to say something but he stopped her. "No arguing. The untouched peanut butter toast and still full coffee cup does not count." She huffed much like a kid which made him laugh. "Okay fine. Can I at least shower first?" She looked up at him. His tongue slipped out, wetting his lips. And a low chuckle rumbled through his chest. His head turned to her, almost like her was looking right at her. The air felt charged, different than what it had been a moment ago. Almost like if she moved just a little closer things would play out very differently. And she thought about it, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth, almost afraid to move. His adam's apple bobbed with the hard swallow he took before speaking in a low whisper. "Yeah. Go ahead." Alex moved slowly, and pushed herself up from the couch before heading toward her bathroom, sparing him a look over her shoulder before closing the door. Matt waited until he heard the door close before he let the breath out he seemed to have held. He turned his body just enough to fall back and let his head hit the back of her couch. "Damn it… oh shit." He quietly cursed. He heard her curse on the other side of the door, a shuddered breath escape her lips as she leaned back against what sounded like the counter. Of course he knew what effect he had on her. The two very close intimate times they had been around one another was full indication there was an attraction. He had wanted to kiss her just then, but stopped himself because he didn’t want to over step. The incident from the night before had almost sent her into a panic attack at the door earlier. He didn’t want to overwhelm her. But now that he focused, really focused, on her current state. The loud thundering of her heart. The hot burn of her body temp. And the deep but shuddering breaths that caused the heavy rise and fall of her chest. But it was the scent. Her scent, the one that was uniquely her but spicier, arousal. Another muffled curse before he heard the water turn on. He was fine until the quiet moan she let out when she stepped under the stream of water. Matt bit back a moan at the thought of running his hands over her body under the water. It really was almost too much. Enough that he prayed silently that she was one that took quick showers and wouldn’t draw this out. It was some small mercy that she spared him too much torment. Only a couple more moans escaped her, and a light squeal as she was turning the water off. The heat dropped too quickly and she was sprayed just briefly with the cold. She dried off quickly, but another curse followed by a quiet drumming of her fingers against the counter. With a heavy breath she wrapped the towel tightly around her body and cracked the door open slowly. "I uh.. Didn’t think this through very well." He laughed realizing the problem. "Do I need to promise not to look?" Alex laughed, looked out at him. He sat on the couch where she had left him. Knees spread and his elbows rested on them with his hands interlinked between. His head hung low, tilted just a little, and his glassed low on the bridge of his nose like he could almost look at her over the top of the lens. She chewed on her lip with a few of the thoughts that ran through her mind. "Would you laugh if I said maybe?" There was a teasing tone to her voice. One that had his own mind running rampant with his own thoughts. His head dropped down when he laughed. He sat up straight, a smirk played at his lips. "How about this?" With the question he removed the glasses, leaned back till his head rested against the back of the chair again and closed his eyes. His hands rested lightly on each thigh. The idea of going to him and stepping between the space left between his thighs came to her. Resulting in an almost inaudible whimper. "That'll…um." she cleared her throat. "okay. No looking." He chuckled, one hand moving up to go behind his head, the other crossed an X over his heart before resting on his chest. "Cross my heart." He heard the door open wider, and her bare feet against the wooden floor. She stopped just outside the doorway. Gripping the towel, she kept her eyes on him. All manner of thoughts played out in her mind. His too. "Be out in a few." her voice was low. She was barely holding back. He nodded without responding, not really trusting his voice. Matthew only opened his eyes when he heard the door to her bedroom close. A short few minutes later the door opened again. She found him in the same position from when she had come out from the shower. He looked up when she closed the door behind her. Her fingers brushed lightly against the softness of the leggings she had pulled on. The other hand adjusted the tank top underneath the light pullover hoodie she had slipped over her head. Her still damp hair, she had pulled into a braid, the end over her shoulder. "There is um…. A coffee shop down the road a little. We could grab a bite. They have uh… tables outside on a patio type setup." The weather outside was just a little cool, but not uncomfortable. He smiled easily nodding. "Sounds good." She moved closer to the couch and ducked down near the end he sat, using the arm to steady her, and pulled her shoes from underneath. Her body turned to prop up against the couch to slip them on. But in the process of readjusting to switch feet she lost her balance. A squeak escaped her lips, but she didn’t fall like she had expected. She gasped when she found herself against his chest. Arms around her waist. She didn’t even realize he had moved. "Huh.. Quick reflexes?" "Something like that. Ready?" She looked up at him, his arms still around her started to slip from her body and caused a chill. "Uh huh." It took every ounce of self restraint he had not to pull her against him and kiss her till she was breathless. And 'oh god' did he want to. His brain playing back all of the sounds she had made with every touch against her. He pulled almost completely away from her, his hand at her elbow to steady her till she got her other shoe on. Only when he felt her steady did he let go and collect his jacket, phone and cane. After collecting a few things like her wallet, keys, and phone, she turned back to him. "Ready?" He nodded with a smile and let her take his hand as he drew closer and they made their way down to the street. Matt's hand gripped lightly at her elbow, allowing her to lead him down the sidewalk. As they walked he asked her things about her life. "Well, I grew up in Texas. Small family. Just my dad and brother, Mark. Mom passed when we were little." "Go on." The smile he gave her made her giggle. "My brother is a year older. He stayed in our home town with dad. Um lets see, I actually tried to go to school to be a veterinarian but that didn’t pan out when dad got sick. Then…." She trailed off. A different tone in her voice. A Little pain and irritation. "Hmm?" "I got together with the wrong guy. First couple months were okay. Went south after that but I was too afraid to leave. Till Mark stepped in. It was just safer for me to move. He said he'd stay and watch out for dad. I hated to leave but yeah.." His hand squeezed her arm gently in comfort. "So there it is," she laughed a little. "Small town girl in a big scary city." He chuckled and squeezed her arm again. "Seems like you're doing okay for yourself." She ducked her head, her light laugh echoed around him. When Alex pulled him to slow down and then turned his senses were invaded by the sounds and smells of the coffee shop. The strong scent of the coffee, and the sweetness of icing on several different kinds of pastries. "Oh good. Not that busy. Come on." Once they had placed their orders, she steered them to a small table in the back. "So. You got to know all about me. Do I get to know stuff about you?" Matt chuckled, readjusting the grip on his cane, and smiled. "Go ahead. Ask away." Her questions ranged all over. Family life, more into his friends, what made him want to be a lawyer, just a little bit of everything. But the accident that blinded him. It wasn’t until after their order had been called out from the counter, and she returned, that she broached the subject. "You said it was an accident. What happened?" He sighed. Two cups of coffee and a small assortment of pastries stacked on a plate now sat between them. "I was nine. Pushed a guy out of the road because there was a truck. He was going to get hit. Truck… overturned. There was some uh, some kind of chemical in a bunch of barrels that the truck was carrying. Some of it spilled across my eyes. I didn’t find out until later one that it was some kind of hazardous or radioactive stuff. I don’t remember really." His voice trailed off at the end. Alex found herself watching him for a moment. Hands that flexed slightly. His head tilted to the side. The red tinted glasses balanced across the bridge of his nose. His expression is near unreadable. His lips pursed into a thin line as he inhaled and sighed. "You don’t like telling that story do you?" Her voice was quiet, and he tried to get a read on her voice. But Matt didn’t find pity like a lot of them when he told the details. What he found in her voice was more curiosity than anything. "Not really." She reached across the table and took his hand. "Alright then. Change of subject." "How about we go back to you. I like hearing your voice." She blushed, ducking her head. "Smooth Matthew. Very smooth." His thumb brushed lightly back and forth over her hand that remained on his own. After a couple passes he brought his other hand up and after stretching her hand out a little he started tracing small random patterns in her palm and along the sensitive skin of her wrist. Whatever she had started to say faltered as he did this. "Something wrong?" He asked innocently. "Ha ha, Funny. God you are a piece of work." The humor in her voice made him smile. He could feel her pulse at her wrist, the steady pounding rhythm mixed with her breathing he took note of all of it and more. She was at ease now. Maybe still just a little shaken. But the food and coffee seemed to have helped. And maybe if he was hopeful, the company helped too. He continued to play with her hand as she started talking about random things. She seemed to branch off a lot. Getting herself somewhat distracted from what she was talking about and starting on a tangent of another topic. After sitting there for some time and a few more coffee refills later, they ventured back out onto the street. They walked back to the apartment laughing and talking. Her hand was warm in his own. When they made it back to the apartment, she pulled him back just short of the door. Before he could question why, Alex stepped closer to him, her breath fanned along his jaw before he dipped his head down. "Thank you Matthew." Her voice was quiet, her lips brushed briefly against his own as she spoke. He wondered for a second if she would take the last space and kiss him. As badly as he wanted to himself, he restrained himself. Letting her make the choice. His own voice was just above a whisper. "You're welcome Alex." Her heart pounded in her chest. The heat from her body radiated around them . "We uh… We should get ins.." His sentence was cut off. The hand that he didn’t have in his was gripped tightly in his jacket pulling him closer. His own free hand moved to her waist. His cane clattered to the ground. Her fingers slipped from his and moved to the nape of his neck, scratching lightly. The groan he let out rumbled through his chest had her pulling him even closer, a moan leaving her own lips but muffled. When they eventually had to break for air, two words were uttered in a lust filled haze. "Inside. Now." A needy whimper left her lips. If she had been more alert she may have been embarrassed. With ease he reached down and picked up his cane then made his way to the door of the building. She almost asked how he was able to navigate the stairs as easy as anyone else. But what stopped her was the way he pushed her against the door of his apartment soon as they made it inside. His hands roamed over her body while his mouth pulled moans and whimpers from her, leaving her breathless and needy. She held onto him like he was the only thing keeping her founded. Her body molding to his as he pressed her into the door. One arm going around behind his neck, the other hand gripped tightly in his jacket holding him to her. She stood on her toes to even the height difference a little but found it not really helping other than making her a little unsteady. The light laughter that resulted from this realization had them breaking apart just a little. "Problems?" The smirk on his lips did things for the heat that pooled low between her thighs. "A few Matthew." He cocked an eyebrow up, his hands started drifting up her sides on their own accord. Taking the hem of her hoodie and tank top hooked on his thumbs with them. "Anything I can help with Alex?" His voice had taken a tone that had her lost. A husky whisper, one that had the blood in her veins buzzing. When his hands reached her rib cage, just under her breasts, he stopped. Fingers lightly tracing along the band of her bra. The coolness of the fabric even against her hot skin made him wish he actually could see her. "Is that?... Is that what I think it is ?" He felt as much as he heard her sharp inhale right before she moaned at the feel of his hands on her. "Maybe. What does it feel like Matthew?" His head tilted slightly, bottom lip pulled in between his teeth as he moaned. Alex ran her fingers lightly down his jawline and leaned in and whispered, "That’s right. Satin and lace. Matching set." The resulting growl from the man before her sent fire coursing through her. His hands drifted further under her shirt. The roughness of his skin a stark difference to the gentleness of his touch as he skimmed the delicate material of her bra. Alex pulled herself closer to his body as one of his hands moved along the edge and slipped his fingers underneath the material. But instead of moving to undo the bra like she thought he would, he slid his fingers back towards her front. The light brush along the swell of her breast made her gasp. The sudden swipe of his tongue along her pulse point resulted in a breathy moan and a light thud from her head falling back against the door. Just as his fingers began to retrace their path there was an interruption. The automated voice broke through the air. "Foggy. Foggy. Foggy. Foggy." Matt froze and huffed out a laugh. "Do um.. should you get that?" Her voice was strained, but still he could hear the humor in her tone. "Absolutely not. I'll call him back later. Right now I've got my hands full anyway." Soon enough the voice stopped. She felt the smirk that came to his lips against her skin. Without warning he reached down, grabbed the back of her thighs, and lifted her up against the door. Alex gasped when he pressed into her. She felt how hard he had gotten in just the short time. She wrapped her legs around his waist and hooked her ankles. The new position and extra pressure left her mouth going dry and a fresh wave of wetness collecting in her panties. She ground herself against him, trying to get more friction against where she needed. Her movement of course pulled a moan from the man before her. Her nails scratched against the nape of his neck pulling slightly at the small hairs there. This brought another moan that she felt both in his chest and against her skin. His hands gripped her thighs harder, she was sure there would be small bruises. Suddenly... "Foggy... Foggy... Foggy..." "Fucking hell." Matt growled. His forehead making contact with the door behind her.

[lovemesomesurveys]

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? Uh, no. 2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? 
 Probably about a 3. It depends, really.  3. The person you would never want to meet? Uhhh. 4. What is your favorite word? 
 Sassafras.  5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? A Weeping Willow. 

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? I haven’t looked in the mirror at all, yet.  7. What shirt are you wearing? A tie-dye shirt I got from a tourist shop while on vacation last year. 8. What do you label yourself as? “I’m a loser, babyyyy.” 9. Bright room or dark room? I don’t want it too bright, but I don’t want it completely dark. I like comfortable lighting, I don’t really know how to explain it. At night I like to turn the lights off and just have my TV on. 10. What were you doing at midnight last night? Eating ramen and watching YouTube. That’s my midnight routine if ya’ll didn’t catch on to that by now. 11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? All of childhood. 12. Who told you they loved you last? My mom. 13. Your worst enemy? 
 Myself. 14. What is your current desktop picture? Alexander Skarsgard.  15. Do you like someone? 
 I don’t currently like anyone in the romantic sense. 16. The last song you listened to?
 I’m too into watching TikTok lately, so I have songs I hear on there all the time stuck in my head. 17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? I wouldn’t do that. 18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? I don’t want to punch anyone in the face. 19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? 
 Wtf. Uh, I don’t want to have someone be my slave... 20. What is your best physical attribute?
 Nothing. 22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? Nope. 23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? Clusters. <<<< aljsflsfksld SAME. 24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. Well, I already often have a bologna sandwich with sharp cheddar cheese and mayo and a pickle on the side. Sometimes I’ll switch it up and have a turkey sandwich and the same stuff with the addition of spinach. Oh, and I have olive oil on the side for dipping. 25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? I’d save it. 26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? Well, that’s not happening right now. 27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? I highly doubt an angel would be offering a lifetime supply of alcohol, but to play along with this scenario I’d ask if I could swap it for something else. I don’t drink, so I want something I’d be able to enjoy. 28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? I don’t know.  29. What is your favorite expletive? I don’t have one.  30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? Just one?? D: I’d grab my laptop. At least the photos from my phone are saved to my iCloud.  31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? I don’t think I’d erase anything, to be honest. And that doesn’t mean that I don’t have any horrible memories.  33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? Would there be any conditions to that? Like, would they be the same person they were? 34. What was your last dream about? I don't remember. 35. Are you a good kisser? Probably not. Now I’m really out of practice since it’s been almost 10 years since the last time I kissed someone... 36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?
 Yeah. 37. Have you ever built a snowman? No. 38. What is the color of your socks? They’re white. 39. What type of music do you like? I like variety. 40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? 
 Sunsets. 41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? 
 Banana or strawberry.  42. What football team do you support? 
 I don’t care about sports. 43. Do you have any scars? 
 I have a lot of scars. 44. What do you want to be when you graduate?
 I graduated 5 years ago and I still don’t know.  45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? My health, which includes both mental and physical. 46. Are you reliable? I don’t think I am now. :/ 47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? I’d want to know if things improved at all and if I ever do something with my life, but I’d be scared to ask cause a couple of my biggest fears are things never getting better/getting worse and never doing something with my life and just wasting away. 48. Do you hold grudges? Not usually. If I do, it doesn’t last long. 49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? Nah. 50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? I couldn’t possibly choose the most unusual.  51. Are you a good liar? 
 No. 52. How long could you go without talking? 
 Hours. Some days I’m extra moody and go most of the day.  53. What has been you worst haircut/style? Gah in middle school I thought it was a good idea to hairspray my bangs and I’m not talking a few light spritz either. My bangs were CRISP. hahah. Not a cute look AT ALL. 54. Have you ever baked your own cake? Yeah, I used to like baking cakes or cupcakes. Especially around the holidays. 55. Can you do any accents other than your own? 
 I don’t do any well. 56. What do you like on your toast? I’m good with just butter. Peanut butter is also good. 57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? 
 I don’t draw. 58. What would be you dream car? 
 I don’t have one. 59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. I sing in the shower. I play my shower playlist on my Spotify. 60. Do you believe in aliens? 
 No. 61. Do you often read your horoscope? 
 I don’t read them. I used to when I was younger for fun, but I’ve never believed in it. 62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? I don’t have one. 63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? Dinosaurs. Rawr. XD lmao. 64. What do you think about babies? They’re cute and all, but I don’t want to have one. haha.

[honeymoonjin]

A/N: I can’t wait to hear your thoughts after this chapter! A lot of vital information is contained in these 3k words, and I’m curious to see how your theories have changed after reading it! 

Synposis: Your boyfriend, Kim Namjoon, has gone missing. After acting erratic for a few weeks, spending all his time locked away in his studio, he suddenly vanishes into thin air, leaving only an unreleased album behind. Zodiac.

Chapter Five – 이 모든건 우연이 아냐  (all of this is no coincidence)

It’s Monday morning, not quite 4am. That means it’s Day 4 of your boyfriend being missing, Day 4 of no news and seemingly nobody caring.

Jin had kept you mostly inside for the remainder of the weekend, trying to keep you occupied, it seemed, with food you had no appetite for and visitors you weren’t interested in chatting with. Just last night, his youngest brother had come over with a couple of DVDs and some microwave popcorn, like it was a fucking sleepover.

Quickly, the two of them had realized that your despondency wasn’t going to be solved by the latest superhero flick, and Jin had muted it and left to go make some dinner while Taehyung shuffled over to your side of the couch, resting his head on your shoulder.

“You know,” he said conversationally, but ever so softly, “us Kims have always been a strong bunch. We stick together and we’re loyal to a fault. In fact, the biggest tension between us since I can remember has been Jinnie not showing up to our Christmas dinner. Family is incredibly important to us. So, I know how you must feel right now. Because trust me, we’re all feeling that way.”

You leant into the weight of his body on your side, enjoying the small comfort it brings as you stared blankly at the flashing colors on Jin’s oversized television. “It doesn’t feel like that. It feels like I’m trying to find my missing boyfriend and you all are planning what hymns to sing at the funeral. I don’t understand why you’ve all given up so soon.”

He stiffened. “We haven’t given up,” he said, voice gravelly, “not a single bit. There’s nothing I wouldn’t give to…see him again,” he pushed out through a voice thick with tears, “to hear him laugh, to give him a hug, to tell him how much I need him right now. There’s nothing. But right now, I can’t do anything except hope and pray that the detectives do their job. Because what else can I do?”

You twisted your head lightly to stare at his orangey-red hair, dull and flat compared to what you knew was his normal brilliance. “Maybe there is something,” you whispered.

He froze. “What?”

You eyed the doorway. “Listen, I…there are lots of things I can’t explain right now, but there’s something seriously fishy going on, and I think Namjoon knew whoever took him was going to take him. He wrote a secret album and I think if we really listen to the lyrics, we might be able to piece something together.”

He lifted his head off of your shoulder and blinked at you in confusion. “He wrote an album saying that someone took him?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know, here,” you fished the USB out of the pocket you had stubbornly kept it in since you were in Namjoon’s studio and handed it to him. “Listen to it, but don’t tell anyone else but me, okay? Maybe you’ll pick up on something I didn’t. I thought I could figure this all out on my own, but I can’t. I need you to trust me and trust Namjoon, okay?”

He stared down at the hunk of metal and plastic in his hand. “Sure. Yes, okay.” A noise in the kitchen startled you, and you shoved his hand towards his pocket, insisting he hid it, and then the rest of your night with the two Kim brothers went uneventfully, Taehyung luckily not mentioning what you had told him.

Now, though, it was a couple of minutes before 4, and you found yourself roaming Jin’s house in socked tip-toes, unable to sleep as was now usual. In fact, you don’t think you had slept at all since Namjoon went missing apart from those few hours on the first night.

The house was freezing, and apart from the whistle of the wind outside, and some branches scratching on window glass, it was silent.

Being a lawyer certainly had its perks, and an insanely big house was apparently one of them. You had only just begun to realize now how big it was. This past weekend had seen you remaining on the ground floor, with no need to venture further, but after getting sick of sitting in your bed and thinking for hours on end, you had snuck out of the guest bedroom and had a little snoop around.

The excess of windows provided some moonlight to see by, but it wasn’t much, and you moved slowly up the stairs to the second floor, finding a study and a couple different storage rooms as well as his laundry, but nothing else of interest. The third floor looked technically more like an attic judging by the narrow, steep wooden stairs leading up into darkness. You decided to leave exploring that until daytime, knowing that you wouldn’t deal well with the cobwebs and spiders you were likely to encounter.

You remained on the second floor for what could’ve been minutes or hours, sitting in front of the large bay window that looked out onto the street. Streetlights made puddles on the dark road glimmer, and it looked more like a still-life painting than reality. It was peaceful staring at the shifting of bushes and trees all down the road and were it not for a sudden noise you could’ve stayed there until the sun rose.

The noise was a plank creaking, and you shot around, convinced it was Jin coming up the stairs to yell at you. Squinting into the shadows by the stairwell across the hall, you thought you saw a black figure, and your heart leapt into your throat.

It was hard to tell with how shadowed the area was, and your distance, but you froze and stared wide-eyed at a vaguely humanoid area that was darker than the rest. It didn’t move. Neither did you.

You forced yourself to breathe again. “Jin?” you called out quietly, weakly. No response. “Jin, is that you? I’m sorry, I just couldn’t sleep.” Still nothing.

You groan, letting your face fall into your hands, rubbing at your tired eyes. When you look up again into that void, you can’t make out the space where you thought you had seen something before.

Fuck. Namjoon’s sleeping pill prescription sounded fantastic right about now.

It had taken you a long time to work up the courage to approach the stairs in order to return to your room, but when you did, your worries were dissolved. There was nothing there. After tossing and turning in your bed until it reached an acceptable hour to get up, you got dressed in a warm sweater and some fur-lined leggings and made your way out to the kitchen.

Jin was there, eating a piece of buttered toast while in full lawyer get-up: suit, briefcase, slicked-back hair to expose his serious brows. He looked up when you walked in and gave you a cheery nod.

“Back to work?”

He nodded again, finishing his bite before he spoke, dumping his dishes in the sink as he went. “’Fraid so. Duty calls. Will you be alright here by yourself?”

“Of course.”

He wipes his hands delicately on a hand towel. “I’m always a call away if you need me, okay? No problem is too small; if you need me, if you feel scared or upset and you need to talk it through with someone, I’m here.”

You forgo a verbal response, nodding instead. He grins at you, walks over, and places a hand on the back of your head, bending down to land a gentle kiss on your forehead. You blink in shock, but he just sends you another soft smile, waving a hand as he exits the kitchen.

Once he’s gone out the front door and the house falls silent, you exhale noisily. “Man,” you mumble to yourself. But there’s no time to think on the sweet intimacy of the gesture, because today you have a two-step plan: discuss the album with Taehyung and confront Hoseok.

Taehyung is on the agenda first since you know he works afternoons at a nearby café, and so you call him to arrange a meeting over breakfast. He comes by shortly after you finish cleaning up, and the two of you take a walk over to the park down the road, sitting side-by-side on a bench opposite a frozen-over duck pond.

“What did you think?” you ask finally, breaking the silence you two had gotten stuck in.

His hair is a little shinier today and the tip of his nose is red from the chill. “Why didn’t you come to me with this sooner, Y/n? Namjoon’s been gone at least three days.”

“I didn’t know who to trust,” you fire back defensively, “I just needed time to see things straight.”

“And can you?”

“Can I what?”

Tae sighs. “See things straight now?”

You consider. “Somewhat. Maybe.” You bite your lip and turn to face him, shoving your hands in your jacket pockets to fight the cold. “Anyway, what did you think? Do you believe me now?”

He rests his chin thoughtfully on a gloved fist. “Namjoon definitely thought something was going on, alright. Some lyrics are clearer than others, but on a first listen I could tell that he knew something was up.”

“Good, so we’re on the same page about that, at least. Things…I’ve found out some things, along with the lyrics, that make me suspect Hoseok.”

Taehyung’s face immediately breaks into a frown. “Hobi? Hobi’s an angel, he and Namjoon are closer than anything.”

“I know,” you ease, “but just hear me out. Detectives Jeon and Park told me Hoseok said Namjoon and Yoongi fought, which is a big reason why they suspect Yoongi. But Hoseok told me that he was angry at the detectives for locking up Yoongi without looking further.”

“So the detectives were lying?”

“No. Well, I thought that too, because I trust- trusted Hobi, but when I told them I’d talk to Hoseok about it they didn’t even flinch. If they were the ones that were lying, they wouldn’t want me to cross-reference and catch them out. But they didn’t care. Hobi must be the one lying.”

Taehyung puffs out his cheeks and rubs his cold ears. “Y/n, that’s not evidence. Maybe both things are true, you know? Hobi did hear them fighting but he still wants the detectives to be thorough. That’s perfectly reasonable.”

You huff, reaching into your pocket to retrieve a piece of paper you had folded away that morning. “Look, I went through ZODIAC and found some lyrics that really point to him.”

“Y/n…”

“The title of the whole album is ZODIAC,” you interrupt, “so what zodiac sign is Hoseok?”

“Uh, Aquarius, right?”

“Chinese Zodiac, Tae.”

“Same year as Joon. Year of the Dog.”

“Exactly. Track five: ‘you better keep the wolf back from your door.’ Wolf like dog.”

A pained look flits across his face. “Y/n, I don’t think this is healthy.”

“Track eight,” you continue stubbornly, “’what had you expected? Me to make my art and make you a star and get you connected.’”

“They broke into the industry at the same time, Y/n,” Tae protests, staring down at his shoes and ignoring your gaze.

You frown at him. “You just told me you believed that Namjoon put clues in his lyrics and now you’re ignoring them! Look, track two. ‘I’m trying to land this airplane of ours gracefully.’ What was Hoseok’s first single? Airplane.”

“Come on!” Tae sits up at glares at you, eyes shining. “Do you know how hard this is for me, Y/n? My big brother has disappeared off the face of the fucking earth and you’re putting on a tin foil hat and playing conspiracy theorist? Either someone took him, and we hope to God the detectives have gotten the right guy, or he just ran away. All this,” he waves at your piece of paper bitterly, “isn’t helping. It’s just upsetting me. So please, stop.”

You bite your lip and shift in your seat. “I- I’m sorry, Tae, I’m not trying to upset you. But there’s more, here, track nine: ‘dreaming of a place and time where you and I remain the best of friends, even after all this ends.’ You can’t deny that one, Taehyung. It all points to Hobi. I want to talk to him, try and see if he acts guilty or maybe has some motive. This is our chance to get Namjoon back, T. Don’t you want that?”

Taehyung stands up suddenly, pacing back and forth a little before stopping in front of you. “I’m not doing this, Y/n. I can’t believe that Hobi would do something like this, I’m sorry, but I just can’t. Detective Jeon called me and told me what you did the other day. Said that I should call him if you acted strange. I won’t tell him, because I think maybe this is just your way of grieving, but you need to stop.”

Your grip slackens on the piece of paper. “Jeon called you and got you to spy on me for him?”

“Seriously, Y/n, it’s not like that! He’s worried about you, we all are! Just talk to us!”

You scoff. “I did try and talk to you and look where that’s gotten me.”

“About your feelings, Y/n, not about who faked the fucking moon landing!”

“Oh, fuck you, Taehyung,” you spit, standing up off the bench and glaring at him. “This isn’t my grieving process, this is me trying to get your brother back, so give me a fucking break. Tell Jeon whatever the fuck you want. I’m sure I’ll hear all about it when I see him later. Goodbye.”

You’re so furious you’re practically steaming out your ears, but you know that this fury of yours is just a front for the betrayal and uncertainty you feel. This morning, as you prepared your thoughts, you were sure of yourself, and looking forward to having someone to affirm you and someone to trust. But now you felt more alone than ever, and Taehyung’s rejection gave you concern that perhaps your ideas weren’t as solid as you had once thought.

Nevertheless, you found yourself making your way to Hope Studio, where you now stood, knocking on the door less confidently than you had intended.

Before the door opens, you send off a text to Park, not interested in dealing with Jeon’s attitude. I’ll be at the station by midday, just stopping off to speak with Hoseok first.

Hoseok opened the door after your second knock, and immediately went in for a hug. You let yourself relish it for a moment but pushed him away and sat down on his couch. “Hobi,” you begin, “Jeon and Park told me you heard Namjoon and Min Yoongi fighting.”

His eyebrows raise in the center. “Good morning to you, too. But yeah, dude just showed up one night and went apeshit on Nam. It was last Wednesday. You know, after Min lost the Album of the Year award to him.” He collapses onto his desk chair with a smile, mouth closed but cheeks still raised. The expression is familiar to you.

“I saw in Park’s notes that somebody filed a noise complaint. Was that Yoongi?”

That same tightlipped beam, completely at odds with the topic. “Yep.”

“Hoseok, you’ve never been good at lying.”

His face falls. “I’m not lying,” he insists weakly, “not completely. Yoongi did come over that night, I swear. But…the noise complaint was me.”

You frown. “You filed the noise complaint.”

He sighs. “No, I was the one being noisy.”

“Oh.” You open your mouth to ask him why, but your phone vibrates violently against your thigh. You tug it out of your pants pocket and check the screen, a message from Park flashing up.

Don’t let him get you alone. Leave now and come to the station, Y/n.

Your eyes widen, but you manage to school your expressions into general annoyance rather than suspicion and fear. “Dammit,” you groan, “sorry, Hobi, I have to head off.”

He stares at you in confusion as you stand up. “How come? You just got here.”

“Tae thought I was at Jin’s house still and he’s waiting outside without a key.”

He frowns. “So? Can’t he just leave?”

“We were meant to be hanging out and it totally slipped my mind. I’m sorry, Hobi, is it cool if I come back tomorrow?”

He pauses. “Yeah. Sure thing, sweetheart, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You smile at him placidly and try not to rush out the door.

Once in the hallway, your heart begins to beat again, and your breath returns. You flick a message to Park. What the fuck? I’ve left now, what’s going on?

It’s a couple minutes before he replies, long enough that you’re out into the open air of the street, thanking your lucky stars that the Cypher studios and the police station are both in the same area of the city center. We’ll explain at station. We told you not to get involved.

You roll your eyes and groan. Seriously? Tell me something now or I’m not coming to the station. You need to stop lying to me.

Instead of Park, it’s Jeon that responds, again a few minutes after you sent off your message.

Don’t act like you don’t know. Min Yoongi is being framed.

You reel back, coming to a halt ten or fifteen meters from the doors of the police station. You blink at your phone, rereading the message, then stare at the tall, imposing building in front of you. This whole time, they knew. They knew Min Yoongi was innocent and still they were preparing to lock him up. And with the way they reacted to you visiting Hoseok, you knew he must’ve been the one to frame him.

Both parties complicit, and every other person didn’t seem to care at all. Perhaps you were walking into the lion’s den, but at least there were answers on the other side. You take a deep breath, resolve your courage, and make your way inside.

TAGLIST Message me or send in an ask if you wish to be added to the taglist. You’ll receive a notification every time I update ZODIAC.

@itishebihime-samaforyou || @hoodiebangtan || @sunnysideupsmile|| @emilypkuzu || @youngmsfts 

[lopithecusfanfiction]

Take it All Away: Chapter Three

Author: Lopithecus Pairing: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden Rating: Mature Word Count: 3721 Alternate: AO3 Author’s Note: Can I just stay living in the reality of this fic instead of the reality that Ryan is actually leaving the show? Thanks. It's like watching Stendan all over again (who remembers Stendan?) Guess who bawled their eyes out when Brendan got a life sentence and Stendan was torn apart? This writer! Guess who is bawling their eyes out as they watch Robert's exit and Robron gets torn apart? This writer!!! *Goes off and cries*

Robert goes downstairs when he smells something burning, dressed in a t-shirt, tracksuit bottoms, and dressing gown. Scrunching his nose and ignoring the way his stomach flips, he walks up to Aaron who is waving an oven mitt in the opening of the stove. There’s so much smoke, they’ll be lucky if the fire alarm doesn’t go off. “What are you doing?” he asks his husband.

Aaron startles, looking back at him and then taking whatever had been in the oven out. “Where have you been? You’ve been missing for hours.”

Robert shrugs. “Upstairs thinking.”

“For hours?”

“Yes.” Robert eyes the food and doesn’t tell Aaron he had done that thinking sitting on the floor because he couldn’t bring himself to even touch the bed. “What is that?”

Aaron grimaces down at it. “It’s supposed to be macaroni and cheese.” He places the glass dish down on the counter, near the sink. “I followed a recipe and all.”

“The last time you tried to follow a recipe, I ended up redoing it for you… and it wasn’t even made for me.”

Aaron screws up his mouth, mocking him. “Yes, I remember, Robert. Will you just help me with this?”

Robert sighs, feeling tired. “Why don’t we just order some takeaway?”

Robert regrets saying it as soon as he sees the frown on Aaron’s face. “You don’t want to cook? You love cooking.”

Robert shrugs. “I’m just not really up for it.”

Aaron’s frown seems to get more pronounced as he eyes Robert. “I was trying to cook for us to try and make ya feel better but cooking might actually be a good distraction for ya.”

“Distraction from what?” Liv asks as soon as she enters the house. Robert gives Aaron a warning look, reminding his husband to not tell Liv what happened to him.

Aaron licks his lips and forces a smile. “Work. Been telling ‘im he’s working too hard, haven’t I?”

“Well, I don’t need the distraction.” Robert sits down at the table, pulling his dressing gown tighter around himself. “I’m not going into work tomorrow anyway.”

“You’re not?” Liv sits across from him. “Why not?”

He can see Aaron from the corner of his eyes, waiting for his answer. Robert stays quiet, though, not knowing what to say. When Aaron realizes this, he jumps in, saving him. “He just needed a break, that’s all.” Robert gives Liv a weak smile to try and confirm Aaron’s answer but by how Liv’s eyebrows knit together, he knows he fails spectacularly. Aaron places a gentle hand on his shoulder, squeezing slightly. His husband is worried about him. He can feel it. “What would you like for your takeaway, Liv?”

“Indian?” she asks, finally dragging her eyes away from Robert. She’s smart and will know something is wrong. Robert is afraid of when she finally decides to not leave it alone.

“Sounds good.” Robert feels Aaron’s hand lift from his shoulder but not before Aaron rubs him briefly.

Aaron ends up ordering the food and when it arrives they all sit around the table to eat it. Liv is retelling her day and what has happened at college. Robert doesn’t hear a single word of it, too lost in his own thoughts, but she’s smiling so Robert figures she had a good day. He picks at his food, never really eating it, and he can feel Aaron’s concerned stare. When Robert dares a look at Aaron’s face, his guilt squeezes at his chest at the immense worry he sees there.

It doesn’t take long for Liv to notice. “Okay, what’s really going on?”

“Liv,” Aaron warns, no real bite behind his words.

“No, don’t dismiss me,” she says. “I’m starting to get really scared. Did something happen?”

Aaron sighs, finally peeling his eyes off Robert. “It’s nothing you have to worry about. Listen, I need to talk to Robert. Alone.”

“You can’t just send me to my room!” Liv says, agitated.

Aaron sighs again, this time heavier, more tired. “Liv, please.”

Liv looks between them, Aaron with pleading eyes and Robert avoiding looking at her all together, eyes glued to his meal. She eventually pushes away from the table, more forceful than probably necessary, and says harshly, “Fine.” She storms upstairs, stomping the whole way.

Aaron turns back to him. “Are you okay? You’ve hardly eaten.”

“I don’t feel well.”

“Are you still in pain?”

Robert shakes his head. He is but that’s not what is making him ill. “My stomach. It won’t settle.”

Aaron’s eyes narrow in thought. “The drug should be out of your system by now.”

“It is. It’s just… it’s an upset stomach, Aaron, it’s fine,” Robert explains, getting up. He walks over to the sofa and sits down, Aaron following but not joining him. He stays standing, eyes trained on Robert. “I made an appointment for tomorrow to get tested. That’s why I’m not going into work.”

Aaron’s shoulders slump. “Robert…” He comes over and sits down next to him, facing him. “Even if you weren’t going to do that, I would understand if you wanted to take a few days off work.” Aaron reaches for him, hesitates, and more guilt builds in Robert’s chest. In the end, Aaron decides it’s safe enough to grab Robert’s hand and hold it. “And I really am sorry ‘bout what I said earlier. I didn’t mean it like that.” Robert nods in acknowledgement, squeezes Aaron’s hand. “Would you like me to go with you to the appointment?”

Robert shakes his head, doesn’t want Aaron to have to deal with the hassle. “No, I’ll be fine on my own.”

“You sure?” Aaron asks. “Because I can take the day off, Robert, I don’t mind.”

Robert smiles at his husband, trying to come across as sincere. “I know you can but I don’t want you to have to.” He shrugs. “They won’t know the results right away, anyway.”

Aaron nods in thought. “I suppose.” He bites his bottom lip. “Only if you’re sure.”

Again Robert smiles at him. “I’m sure.”

Pursing his lips, Aaron nods one more time before getting up. “I think I’m going to head to bed early. It’s been a… stressful day and I’m completely knackered.”

“Alright, I’ll join you later.” Aaron pats his shoulder before turning and heading up the stairs to their bedroom.

Robert sits downstairs for a long time, replaying the whole event that took place last night over and over again in his head, trying to fill in the missing pieces. He doesn’t like not remembering and sometimes he thinks he gets close but it ends up slipping away from him. It’s almost midnight by the time he goes up stairs to get ready for bed. When he’s brushing his teeth, he notices the bags under his eyes and how messy his hair is. He hadn’t bothered trying to style it after the bath.

When he’s completed most of his night time routine, Robert enters his and Aaron’s bedroom. He stares at the bed and feels the way his heart starts to beat faster in his chest, the hotel’s bed coming to mind. He tells himself he’s being ridiculous, that he should be able to get into his own bed but his feet won’t listen to him. They stay glued to the floor and it isn’t until Robert turns around and leaves the room that they move.

He grabs a blanket from a closet in the hall and heads back downstairs, unfolding it as he goes. Robert slowly lowers himself to the sofa once more, wincing in pain, and then lies down, covering his body with the blanket and using one of the sofa pillows under his head. He’ll sleep here tonight and try the bed again tomorrow. If Aaron asks, Robert will come up with some excuse, he’s sure.

*~~~*

Robert wakes with a start, one hand on his shoulder, and clattering in the kitchen. He looks quickly around the room before his eyes land on Aaron, hovering above him. His husband is frowning.

With an exhausted groan, Robert sits up. The pain has lessened a little, it feels, and he’s glad about that. “Morning,” he says groggily.

Aaron runs a hand through Robert’s hair. “Morning. You were having a bad dream.”

“I know…”

Aaron sits down on the coffee table, face full of concern. “Did you sleep down here all night?”

Robert looks around the room, feigning ignorance. “Must have. Probably fell asleep.”

Aaron stares at him and for a second Robert is afraid he won’t believe him but then Aaron sucks on his bottom lip and nods. Liv walks by them, bag slung on her back. “I’m off then.” Neither of them acknowledge her statement and she stands there, staring at them for a few seconds before rolling her eyes and exiting the house.

With a light intake of breath, Aaron stands. “Want some breakfast?”

“Sure,” Robert answers, standing as well and following Aaron into the kitchen. He finally feels a little hungry, the nausea no longer there.

Aaron grabs a couple of slices of bread to toast and places them in the toaster, pressing down on the lever. “Want anything else with it?” Robert shakes his head. “Is your stomach feeling better?”

“Yeah, a little.”

“Good.” Aaron sits down across from him. “What time is your appointment at?”

“Ten.” Robert looks at the clock. “I should actually get ready soon.” He makes to get up but Aaron places a hand on his forearm.

“Not without eating first.” Aaron gives him a pointed look, telling Robert he better listen.

Robert lowers himself back into the chair. “Right.”

When the toast pops up, Aaron grabs it and spreads butter onto the slices. He then hands over the plate to Robert who starts eating immediately. Aaron watches him the whole time, hands cupped together and chin resting on his knuckles. “You okay?” he finally asks when Robert finishes his toast.

Robert rolls his eyes. “I’m fine. You really need to stop asking me that.”

“It’s only been a day since… I’m worried.”

Robert pushes away from the table. “Well, I’m fine. I have to be, don’t I?” He goes upstairs to their bedroom.

When he gets to the room, he opens their closet and looks inside. All his shirts are hung there, neatly in orders of colors and patterns. Floral is in one section and plain is in another. It’s an intricate organization that Aaron always teases him for but at the moment it just makes Robert anxious to look at. Pulling a handful out, he throws them onto the bed, messing up his order, and shuffles through them, trying to find something to wear. When he doesn’t find anything in that pile, he pulls out all of them and throws those onto the bed as well. Still, he can’t find anything that doesn’t make his heart pound wildly in his chest.

These are the types of shirts that made Theo attracted to him in the first place. His shirts and trousers and maybe even his hair drew him to Robert and it makes Robert uncomfortable. His skin crawls with just the thought of putting those clothes back on him and having someone look at him like that again. Or, at least, anyone but Aaron because Aaron is safe. He would never hurt Robert, not like that.

Turning back to the closet, Robert pulls out one of Aaron’s t-shirts, a hoodie, and then takes a pair of his trousers out of the drawers in the bureau. He slips them on quickly after changing his underwear. Once done with that, he goes and brushes his teeth for the morning and then heads back downstairs.

He’s greeted with Aaron grabbing for his keys to leave for work. Aaron notices the clothes he’s wearing and raises an eyebrow but otherwise says nothing. “I’m off to work.” He leans in and kisses Robert on the cheek. “I’ll see ya later, yeah?”

“Of course.” Aaron nods and heads to the door. Robert’s heart suddenly starts pounding hard and he can feel the panic quickly overtaking him at the thought of going to this appointment alone. “Aaron, wait.” Aaron turns to him and waits for Robert to speak. Robert squirms, opening his mouth but then changing his mind. Still, Aaron stands there, eyes trained on him expectantly. Robert tries again. “Could you come with me?”

It takes a second for Aaron to react but he soon lets out a sympathetic breath and a small smile appears on his face. “Yeah, of course, Robert. I wanted to come in the first place.” He walks up to Robert and places a hand on his shoulder. Robert resists the urge to pull away. He doesn’t want Aaron’s sympathy. “You don’t have to put up a front for me, Robert.” Aaron searches Robert’s eyes and then gestures to the sofa. “Come on.”

They sit, Aaron facing him. “Do you remember when you told me that you have to be strong all the time?” Robert nods, avoiding Aaron’s eyes and Aaron grabs his hand, holding it tightly. “You don’t have to be strong this time, Robert.” Robert can feel the tears pooling in his eyes. “Let me be strong for you this time.”

Robert sniffles and that’s what breaks the dam. The tears slip from his eyes and run down his cheeks, and Aaron pulls Robert into a hug, allowing him to sob into his shoulder. “M’sorry, Aaron,” he croaks.

He feels Aaron shake his head. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Robert. None of this is your fault.” Aaron pushes away and holds each side of Robert’s face, forcing Robert to look at him. “Listen, I mean it. None of it is.” Robert nods and Aaron smiles, small and sad. He wipes away Robert’s tears, leans in for a quick kiss, and then gets up. “We better get going.”

Robert wipes at his eyes again and stands as well. “Yeah.”

The ride to Hotten General feels like it takes forever and Robert’s nerves are on overdrive. Sitting in the waiting room seems like an impossibility and Aaron has to tell him more than once to stop bouncing his leg up and down. Eventually, Aaron gives up and just holds onto Robert’s hand. It’s a comforting feeling and it makes him relax a little but he still bounces his leg. When his name is called, he feels his heart jump into his throat.

Aaron leans into his ear as they follow the nurse. “It’ll be fine.” Robert nods in agreement even though his nerves don’t calm.

The first thing the doctor does when she enters the room, is explain what is going to happen and asks him how recently he has had unprotected sex. When she then asks Aaron to step out of the room, Aaron locks eyes with him, asking silently if that’s what Robert wants. He nods and Aaron leaves, saying he’ll be out in the waiting room. Once he’s gone, the doctor takes a cheek swab, has him drop his trousers and boxers to do an exam of his genitals and swab around the areas that sexual contact would have been made, and then has him pee into a cup.

“We’ll have you come back in four to five weeks to get a blood sample. Any sample prior to that won’t be able to tell us if you are HIV positive or negative since the antibodies wouldn’t have formed this quickly,” she explains. “We’ll look for genital herpes and syphilis at this time too.”

“I have to wait that long?”

The doctor nods, giving him an understanding smile. “Unfortunately, yes. Since the unprotected sex you are worried about only happened two nights ago, if we were to test your blood now, it would only come back as negative. This isn’t a good thing because it could end up being a false negative seeing as the antibodies that tell us whether HIV is present, won’t be there yet.”

Robert nods, feeling disheartened. “And the results for these tests now, how long will I have to wait?”

“Two to three days.” She’s still smiling in that way that tells Robert she understands how frustrating this is. “I suggest you don’t engage in any unprotected sex until you have the results of the HIV, genital herpes, and syphilis tests.”

Robert wipes a hand down his face. “Right. Yeah, of course.”

“The front desk will help you set up a follow up appointment to get your blood drawn.” She then leaves, allowing Robert to mull things over peacefully.

He gets up and heads back out to the waiting room where he sees his husband sitting anxiously in a chair. Aaron’s leg is now the one that is bouncing up and down and he is twiddling his fingers restlessly. Robert walks up to him and sits down after talking to the receptionist, sighing. “She can’t do a blood test right now since the results won’t be accurate.”

“Okay…”

“She wants me to come back in four to five weeks.”

“What?” Aaron turns more towards him. “That’s a long time.”

Robert nods in agreement. “I’ll get the results of the tests done today in a few days but other than that, I have to wait to get more done.” Robert briefly looks over to Aaron and lowers his voice. “In the meantime, we can’t have unprotected sex.”

Aaron shakes his head slightly, not fussed. “We don’t normally anyway.”

“But not always…”

Aaron’s lips thin. “I didn’t think you’d be up for it for a while anyway.” Robert can feel Aaron’s eyes travel down and back up his body in curiosity. “You know you can take as long as you need, right, Rob?”

Robert swallows. He didn’t want to admit to Aaron that he didn’t want sex at all right now. “Yeah, I know.”

Aaron doesn’t look like he believes him but he doesn’t say anything more about it and instead pats his shoulder. “Come on. I was thinking we could maybe go to the pub.”

Robert screws up his face. “I’d rather go home.”

“Okay, we can do that.” Robert tries to hear the disappointment in Aaron’s voice but he can’t. Somehow, that doesn’t make him feel any better about denying Aaron his wish.

They drive back home in silence and when they enter The Mill, Robert goes and sits down on the sofa while Aaron stands there, staring at him. He’s still holding onto his keys, playing with them, when he speaks. “Can you get STDs from kissing?”

“What?” Robert looks at him, eyebrows furrowing. “No, I don’t think so.” Silence passes between them and hurt begins to form in Robert’s chest. “Do you think I gave you something?”

Aaron shrugs. “Well, we have been kissing since… since what happened.”

Robert gapes at him, irrationally hurt at the thought that Aaron would think that. He jumps up from the sofa, suddenly angry. “Oh, I’m sorry, Aaron, that I got raped and might have given you something.”

Aaron is shaking his head. “That’s not-”

Robert doesn’t let him finish and instead grabs his own keys and storms out of the house, ignoring Aaron calling after him. He walks aimlessly, hands shoved into Aaron’s trouser pockets. He eventually finds himself on the bridge over The Ford, looking over and into the pool of water below. Robert clasps his hands together and tries to calm himself, feeling guilty and disgusting and he wants a hole to open up and swallow him whole.

His skin is crawling and phantom sensations of Theo’s hands crawl up the inside of his thighs. He wishes he could remember what happened but at the same time he doesn’t want to. Robert doesn’t know if remembering fragments is better or worse and sometimes memories come back to him, especially in his dreams, like the nightmare he had this morning. Theo’s hands holding him down and his voice telling him how gorgeous he looked haunted him in it. It makes him sick and his skin prickles more.

“Robert?” Robert turns abruptly to see Chas standing there. “You alright?”

Robert pushes off the rail. “Yeah, yeah.” He shoves his hands into his pockets again.

Chas scrutinizes him. “Are you wearing Aaron’s clothes?”

Robert looks down at himself as if having to confirm in his own head that he is wearing Aaron’s clothes and forces a smile. “Uh, yeah, you know, married couples sharing clothes and all.”

Chas chuckles. “Somehow I can’t see Aaron wearing yours.”

“He has before.” Chas raises a skeptical eyebrow. “Okay, not often but he has.”

“I’m sorry, Robert, but our Aaron wouldn’t be caught dead in floral pattern.”

“Floral is a nice look,” Robert protests, enjoying the familiar banter between them and being able to just act normal for a little while.

“Maybe for acquired tastes,” Chas says and they both laugh. Robert leans back down on the railing and Chas joins him, eyes on him. Robert should have known the facade wouldn’t last long. “You look tired, Love.”

Robert’s easy smile drops and he sighs heavily. “I haven’t been sleeping well.”

“Have you talked to Aaron about this?”

“Of course, I have.” He stands straighter again. “Look, Chas, it’s nothing. I’m fine.” He walks away, deciding to head back home.

When he enters, Aaron is right there hugging him tight. “I’m so sorry, Robert.”

Robert wraps his arms around Aaron, holding him. “No, I’m sorry. I overreacted.” He pulls away. “You have every right to be concerned about yourself.”

“No, I-I should be focused on you right now.”

“Aaron,” Robert stops him. “It’s fine. I understand. It’s… scary and we both need to support each other right now.”

“Robert…”

“It’s fine, Aaron.” He places his keys down. “Depending on my results, we’ll get you tested as well if you want.”

Aaron hesitates and Robert hates himself for causing Aaron to be afraid of upsetting him. “Okay.”

“Now,” Robert starts, walking into the kitchen. “What do you want for tea?”

Surprise crosses Aaron’s face and he follows Robert. “You’re going to cook?”

“Yeah,” he says, shrugging. “It’s about time I get some normalcy back in my life and move on.”

Aaron looks unconvinced but says nothing more, sitting down at the table. “Burgers would be nice.”

Robert forces a wide smile. “Burgers it is.”

———————————————————————————————————–

A/N: Thanks for reading!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #218

“give me liberty or death. ... ah, fuck it, just give me death.”

Do you know anyone who had to have tubes put in their ears as a baby? Me. What is the nearest glass object to you? A cup. Were either of your parents baptized? I'm sure my mom was, but I have no clue about Dad. The last concert that you were at, was there a mosh pit? No. What was the last computer game that you played? World of Warcraft. If you had to choose a new cell phone, what phone would you pick? Some sort of iPhone. I hate my Samsung. Has anyone killed one of your pets before? People have run over our cats before, but I'm certain that wasn't intentional. Does your bathroom have a theme to it? No. Are any rooms in your house themed? No. Is there a song that as soon as you hear it you are happier? At least to a degree. Do you have a push lawnmower or a riding lawnmower? We don't have one; Mom pays someone to do it. He uses a riding one, though. When was the last time someone teased you? Idr. Would you trust a vehicle that automatically parallel parks for you? Lmao could probably do it better than I could. Have you ever hit a car while parking? No, but I rarely drive anyway and never park close to others. When you are eating fast food, do you tend to get burgers or chicken? Burgers. When was the last time you used Microsoft Excel? No clue. What was the last thing that you recorded? I was WAY too excited the rare felhound mount dropped for me in WoW so I had to show Sara while I screamed lmao. Have you ever edited an article on Wikipedia? No. Do you like the show Futurama? I've never been into what I've seen. Have you ever found an arrow head? I don't remember ever having had. Have you given up any bad habits for someone? Don't think so. Who is with you? My cat's in the room, as is of course Venus. In what part of your life so far, have you learnt the most about yourself? 2017-2018, probably. Have you ever been in a fist fight? No. What aggravates you most about people in general? I guess if you want to put all humans together, I guess you never know what's gonna hurt who. When they have a valid reason to be hurt by it, anyway. Are your ears pierced? Twice in each lobe and then my right tragus. What did you last say out loud? Something to Teddy about wanting so much attention. Not at all in a bad way. Do you like anything about being angry? Fuck no. Did you have a summer job this year? No. Where do you wish you were? I've been dying to be at Sara's BAD LATELY MY MAN. Do you get surprises often? No, nor do I like them. I get too nervous. Name a crime you have committed? Illegally downloading things. Do you tell people when they get on your nerves? No, not normally. You're in jail… Who bails you out? Dad, most likely, taking money into account. I don't even know if he could afford bailing someone out, though. Are your feelings hurt easily? YEAH. What’s the ultimate cake topping? Just frosting. Have you ever ridden a motorcycle? No. Do you ever forward or reply to chain mails? Never. Have you ever tried to make your own alcohol? Nope. If you were to join one of the armed forces, which would it be? Lol no. Have you ever been to see stand up comedy? No. Have you ever needed stitches? At least twice. Have you ever been in a submarine? No. What would you do if someone proposed to you tomorrow? I'd say no, even if it was Sara. We're not ready for that yet. Which fictional character do you wish was real? Sobs all my favorites of everything are villains and therefore shouldn't be brought to life. Uhhhh. Idk. Maybe Harry Mason from SH 'cuz the entire human population deserves a dad like that. Do you own a lava lamp? I wish. Have you ever been in a hot tub or sauna? Yes to hot tub, but you couldn't pay me to set foot in a sauna. Have you ever had chicken pox? No. Do you believe there used to be dragons? No. We would've found fossil evidence by now, I think. Who’s your favorite god from ancient history? Man, idk. I love mythology. But memory is pretty faint though so I don't remember what most did/what they stand for. What was the last present you received? Uhhhh I'm not sure. Could you go out with someone who had a child from a previous relationship? No. I am not being a mother figure for anyone. What was your first alcoholic drink? Hard lemonade. What was your first detention for? I've only ever had detention for excessive tardies. Did you ever have a treehouse as a kid? No. Have you ever appeared on YouTube? EW LET'S FORGET THAT. Have you ever been on radio? No. Do you like your own name? I do. Could you ever have an affair with a married person? Fuck no. Could you ever split up a couple for one reason or another? I mean I'd urge one to leave the other if they were abusive or not really in love or something like that. I wouldn't out of my own interests. Which celebrity do you find the most annoying? The Paul brothers are fucking obnoxious trash. Is there anyone you work with that you don’t get along with? Why? N/A Have you ever been romantically interested in a coworker? No. Have you ever been romantically involved with a coworker? No. What is the game you’re currently playing most often on your phone? None. Do you have an opinion on adopting/purchasing a pet? Adopt. I understand the temptation of wanting a certain breed of pet, but you've gotta think beyond your desires here. There are so, so, SO many homeless cats and dogs especially that need homes. When was the last time you climbed a tree? Never, I believe. Why were you last pulled over? I never have been, thank GOD. Do you have any friends that own a private lake? I can just about guarantee no. Are you cool with swimming in a lake? It would depend on the lake. Do you have a drone? No. Do you have any t-shirts from any local businesses? No. Do you listen to any talk shows or podcasts? Only Mark's and his friends'. Do you know anyone who’s had their own podcast? I don't think so. Where were you the last time you stayed in a hotel? The beach. Do you know anyone who is freaked out by cats? No. What kind of music do your parents listen to? Mom loves (classic) metal and rock like me, but she also enjoys Christian music. Dad likes rock and classic metal/rock. What do you do when you can’t escape thoughts of your ex? I mean, I'm a bad person to ask, because my PTSD is tied to my ex. My case is far more extreme. All you really can do is try to do things to distract yourself. What do you think about indoor pets? Love 'em. How it should be most of the time for most animals. Would you agree that love is blind? Very. Did your first real significant other change you at all? Yes. Are you waiting to have sex until you’re married? I don't think so, if I was to ever be in that situation with a man again. How many schools have you been to? Five, but I'm about to start my sixth. Do any songs give you goosebumps? I get goosebumps very, VERY easily when it comes to music. I don't even have to really like the song. What do you think about divorce? Sadly necessary in extreme cases. What’s your favorite way to eat peanut butter? In a Reese's lol. Do you still watch any cartoons meant for kids? I don't watch TV now, but if I was still into watching shows, I'd totally still follow Pokemon. What’s your favorite kind of cereal? Man, idk. Maybe Cinnamon Toast Crunch. What were you doing the last time you were on a roof? Just sitting up there. Do you have any stickers on your car? Mom has I think one? Have you ever given someone flowers? I'll always remember this one Mother's Day where I went down our old path with my sister and friend and we picked up SO many flowers to put in a glass cup as a bouquet for Mom. So yeah. Do you have any stickers on your laptop? No. Do you listen to Nirvana? I don't usually search them out, but they're on my iPod, and I won't generally skip 'em if a Nirvana song comes along. What is one thing stopping you from becoming a veterinarian? I hate seeing animals in pain and/or dying. Are you easily scared by horror movies? Not at all. How old were you when you were first pulled over by the police? I've never been pulled over. When was the last time you drank out of a champagne glass? I've no idea. Do you enjoy plane journeys, if you’ve ever been on one? If we're just talking the ride and not the process leading up to it, and so long I've the window seat, yeah, they're fine. What’s the last movie you’ve seen in theaters and can honestly say you enjoyed? I adored the live action TLK, truly and thoroughly. I didn't at all get the hate. Like I know a common criticism is they took the realism too far (they were lacking in expression), but I liked that, honestly. It made it feel all the more real. I mean honestly, I possibly liked it more than the animated (save for the "Be Prepared" singing), and that movie is sacred to me. Have you ever seen your father cry? I've only seen him tear up like once in my life. How would your parents react if you got pregnant? They'd be confused as fuck because I'm the polar opposite of promiscuous, monogamous, advise that to only happen after marriage, and am with a girl. If you’re in a relationship, how is it going? If you’re single, are you looking for someone? It's going great. We're just ready to no longer be long-distance. How big is your bed? Queen-sized. Do you believe the Holocaust happened? No??????????? fucking????????????????? shit??????????????????????????????? Ever spent any time on a military base? No. Have you ever tried putting black pepper on mac ‘n’ cheese? (It’s good!) Yes, delicious. Has a wild animal ever been loose in your house? Not our current house. We lived in the woods beforehand, and we did have mild mice problems in the winter. Have you ever felt a temperature below 0? No. Have you ever seen a volcano? Not in person. Are you a fan of Janis Joplin? I've actually never really listened to her. Have you ever mowed the lawn (even a little bit)? No. What’s the closest river to you? The Tar River. Don't mind sharing considering it's ginormous. Who were the last 3 males you talked to? My nephew, his dad, then my own dad. What was the last form of communication you used to speak to your best friend? (e.g. text message, phone call) Text. What was the last alcoholic drink you tried for the first time? Uhhhh I think some kind of white wine? Did you like it? Not in the slightest. What’s your favorite feature of the person you’re currently interested in? She has the cutest random little freckle on her hip. Do you remember the first CD you ever bought? I believe the first I personally wanted and got was the Swan Songs album by Hollywood Undead. Where is your favorite place to get fries? You have NOT lived until you've eaten Bojangle's fries. They have a special seasoning that is absolutely spectacular. The Bojangle's experience is so important that it's the first place we went when Sara first came here lmao. Do you know anyone who was raised by their grandparents? Don't believe so. Have you ever made your own pie from scratch? No. What is your favorite gaming console? PS2, always. What was the last major city you visited? Chicago. I mean, or Raleigh, if you count it as a "major" one. How many romantic relationships have you been in so far? I only really consider Jason and Sara as "romantic" relationships. Have you ever used a leaf blower? No. What would you say is the worst part of high school, period? The shift from child to young adult. Hormones make the experience so, so much more difficult than it needs to be. What is your favorite color of apple? Red, green or yellow? Red. They're usually the most crisp. If you were dying who would you say goodbye to first out of everyone? It'd either be Mom or Sara, definitely. I can't really say without being in that moment, idk. Are you someone who actually likes to babysit children? Fuck no. I've only ever done it once and never will again, even though the one occasion went fine. Who was the last person to call you fat, if anyone at all? Myself lmao. What color skin does the last person you danced with have? White. Has your mother ever called your school because of your grades? No. What is the worst name a friend has ever called you? Do you remember? I can promise you one has most certainly called me a bitch or worse. Have you ever wanted to be in a band? What position exactly? At the start of high school, I remember I'd sometimes daydream about being a guitarist, but it was never something I like, actively craved. Who is your role model or hero in life if you have one? *blinks* Do you ever call your cousins just to talk to them randomly? No. When did you last spend the night at someone’s house? December of last year. Do you ever have to wash your clothes at someone else’s house? If I'm at Sara's. Do you prefer it when it gets darker earlier? NO. I'm much unlike I used to be in that I prefer brightness. It actually does affect my mood; I recommend to aaaaanybody who suffers from depression to stay in a bright room. I used to live in the dark as well, and I promise, it makes a difference. Have you ever learned any self-defense? If not, would you be interested in learning? No, and yes, especially with how incredibly paranoid I am. Do you like Gushers? Yaaaaas hunty. Can you touch your nose with your tongue? No. When was the last time you felt like you didn’t have anything to worry about? LOL HUH??????? NO WORRIES??????? How old was the last child that you spoke to? Three. What is the name of the last perfume you put on? "Crazy Lady." That perfume is years upon YEARS old. It was a birthday present from Summer, and seeing as I barely ever wear perfume, it's still in my room. Expired, I'm sure, lol. Are you waiting for something to arrive in the mail? No. Have your parents ever forgotten your birthday? No. Do you like your orange juice with lots or no pulp? NONONONONONONO. I absolutely will not drink orange juice with pulp. Did the Spanish classes have an “El Dia de Los Muertos” (Day of the Dead) fiesta at school? I think so? How long have you had the hairbrush you are currently using? I use a comb now that we've had actually forever. What projects are you doing now for school? I'm not in school, not quite yet anyway. :') Do you know what durian is? Do you like it? No. I would never try it. What’s the most number of comments you have on a Facebook picture? What is the picture of? I don't know, and I don't plan on looking. Most likely some selfie. Do you like coconut flavored things? NO. Coconut is disgusting. Have you ever met a famous author before? No. Do you know anybody who has been raped before? I don't think so, and I truly hope not... How often do you get a fever? Like, never. What kind of laundry basket do you use? It's just a plain, white, plastic one. As a child, did you ever have a clown or a magician at your birthday parties? I actually believe I had both. I know I had a pair of clowns once, and with how into magic I was, I would expect I've had had one. Do you have a permit or license? I have my permit. It's more than due time I work more towards my license... List all the stores you’ve been in this past month. I think the only one is PetSmart. Have you ever thrown food at a stranger in a movie theater? No, because I was never that childish. Does/did either of your parents serve in the military? No. Do you like sour candy? My favorite! Where would you like to go on your honeymoon? Most likely Pink Sands Beach in the Bahamas, but honestly I'm terrified of the Bermuda Triangle, so that's unlikely, lmao. That black sand beach in Hawaii, however, will do. Are all nighters something you have grown used to? BIIIIIIITCH I've outgrown that shit. I'm rarely up past 10 at the latest these days. Is there anybody you’re not ashamed to tell anything to? Anything, no. Smoothies or slushies? Slushies. Ignoring nutrition, could you live off veggies for the rest of your life? Nooooooo. Elaborate on a way you have volunteered? I once volunteered at PetSmart during an adoption event, giving the cats and dogs attention while people visited. I absolutely fell in LOVE with a dog there that I begged Mom to get, and she came pretty close. I cried leaving, ha ha... Does anybody know about your sex life other than your partners? No. If you could see any musician live, front row, who would you choose? Um, Ozzy????? Duh??????? My Dad???????? Is great?????????????? If you had to choose between a million dollars or to be able to change a regret? And here you have it, the stupidest question I've seen on a survey. Have you ever been around someone who was high? Yeah. Could you handle living with a male roommate? No, with how afraid I am of men. It'd only work if it was with a long-time bf. Have you spoken to your mother today? Father? For once, both. Do you live by yourself? No. Do you shower every day? No, it's unhealthy and I don't find every day necessary. Especially when you live my hermit life. Is English your native language? Yes. Who is your favorite character from Harry Potter? N/A Do you watch PewDiePie? Very, very rarely. I'm not that into his content anymore, and his humor changed from more original to heavily meme-ish. Are you married? No. Did you ever color your hair pink? No, but totally not apposed. Do you have any subscribers on YouTube? Yeah, some. Do you salt your popcorn? Sadly. Do you like McDonalds? Don't even try to bullshit, you don't mind McD's. Do you have a Steam account? Yeah. Have you ever played Five Nights at Freddy’s? No. It's a cool series though, and I enjoy watching LPs of it. Do you like horror movies? YESSSSSS my favorite. Is your favorite animal a dog? No. Do you like chicken nuggets? mmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMM What color is the ceiling in the room? White. Do you like religion? It's interesting, but has done a shitload of evil. However, it has also made wonderful people. It depends on how you use it. Have you ever tried Akinator? Yeah. Can you twerk? Idk and idc. Do you like dabbing? It looks remarkably stupid/like you're sneezing into your elbow. Do you like fishing? I do, but I've stopped doing it. I feel too bad for the fish. Do you like sleeping? Oh fuck yeah. What do you think of Fifty Shades of Grey? Fucking disgusting, whether in book or movie format. Do you swear in front of children? No. Which Pirates of the Caribbean do you like the most? Never watched 'em. What do you think of Rob Zombie? I enjoy a lot of his music. How far out of your age bracket would you date? Once you hit 10 years, it's a no for me. Have you ever had an STD? No. Is the area you live in more liberal or conservative? I live in the South. Take a wild guess. Have you picked out flower petals, saying, ‘He loves me, he loves me not?' No. Do you like to pace? It's not that I "like" to, it's just a habit. What’s the greatest thing about science? Learning about the world around us. Discovering how life works. Does it annoy you when people dumb themselves down to be cool? It's not "annoying," it's just stupid. Intelligence is cool. What’s a song you like from the genre you hate? "When The Stars Go Blue" by Tim McGraw is a heavy exception. I adore that song. Are your parents divorced? Yeah, they separated when I was like, 16-17. Who was your first friend? Brianna. Have you ever been to Germany? Hell, I wish. What do you hear right now? I'm currently obsessed with "Brand New Numb" by Motionless In White. Have you ever been ice skating? No. Have you ever been to the Statue of Liberty? No. Would you consider yourself a shy person? I am one of the shyest people you will ever meet in your life. Do you like techno? Yeah, actually. I've really gotten into electronic music. How many windows are in the room you’re in? Two. Can you whistle? No. My lip ring is probably what makes me unable to anymore. How many X-rays have you had in the last 2 years? Three. One of my knees, then over the course of two years, I believe two for my teeth at the dentist. Are you on good terms with your last ex? Yeah. Do you own an Xbox? No. Favorite Snapchat filter? I've never used Snapchat before. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two. What’s the worst thing you have ever done? Depends on how you mean "worst." Most damaging to me, let myself turn Jason into a god in my head and nearly kill myself for it. As far as most immoral, probably be partially responsible for why my former best friend and her bf broke up because he wound up liking me because I was a dumb 12 y/o. What's your favorite candle scent? Probably coffee or cinnamon rolls. Do you take any medications daily? Yeah. What is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) An annoying combo. What type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) A small one. Are you going to change your last name when you get married? Yes, I hate my last name. Last person you called? Mom. Chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? I don't like sprinkles at all. The texture ruins treats. Who was the last person you cried in front of? Mom, I'm sure. Do you think vlogging in public is scary? I wouldn't say "scary," just incredibly awkward. You'd never see me do it. Would you want to be in a collab channel on YouTube? I don't even want to risk popularity, so no. Do you watch any collab channels? Which ones? Game Grumps and Sam & Colby, mainly. What colors have you dyed your hair, if any? Black, purple, and red. What is your gender and sexual orientation? Female and bisexual. Have you been to an escape room? Was it a success? No, but they seem REALLY fun. Ever performed on stage? Was it scary or amazing or both? Yeah, many times for dance. It was really neither for me. Have you ever recorded a cover of a song? No. Have you tried the Beyond or Impossible burger? Thoughts? No, but I want to, especially as I plan on returning to vegetarianism at one point. When was the last time you ate your all-time favorite candy? Oh wow, months. When was the last time you made friends with old enemies? Some time last year, Rachel and I reconnected. She's cool as hell now. When was the last time you took time to pray? It's been a long time. I don't believe it does anything. What is a movie that you heard about recently that you do NOT want to see? Is that "Cats" movie real or was the trailer a fever dream???? What do you do during long trips in the car? I just blare music. Best kind of music to dance to? And the worst kind of music to dance to? I really love "different" songs that warrant a modern sort of dance style. It was my favorite when I took dance, and it's by far my favorite to watch. Worst, I guess like, screamo. How would you dance???? Last candy you tried that you did not enjoy? Or one that you did enjoy? Oh my god. So I tried that new Reese's doughnut from Krispy Kreme today, and it. Was. Repulsive. A candy I actually liked, idk. I rarely ever have treats anymore. Were you a chubby or thin baby? I was normal. Have you ever not given a tip at a restaurant? Why didn’t you? N/A, y'all know my money situation. What is the most outrageous thing you’ve considered doing lately? Okay, I'll admit I at least briefly pondered the possibility of getting a nipple pierced after an eternity of saying I never would lmao. I'm not, tho. Have you ever known somebody who ran away? Most likely. What are your thoughts on Batman? I think it's cool he has that policy of never killing anyone, and he also doesn't have any actual powers, does he? I don't remember. The whole Batman universe (or comics for that matter) is one I don't really connect to anymore, as it was Jason's obsession, so it's a dangerous topic for me. When I say Dr. Seuss, what is the first thing that comes to mind? Green Eggs and Ham. I loooved that book as a kid. Rollercoasters that go upside down… yes please or no thank you? Hell to the motherfuckin no thanks. Is there a certain place or store you especially hate going to? Grocery stores. What was the last animal/pet that you met? There was a BEAUTIFUL standard poodle Mom and I briefly interacted with at the pet store a week or so back. Is there something in particular you always seem to forget? Straighten the shower curtain after I get out so it dries properly. When was the last time you had to wait in line for longer than a few minutes? *shrugs* Have you ever written a review for a product you bought online? No. What was the last board game you played? I think it was all the way back when Sara, Girt, and I played Scrabble.

[j-j-ehlby-writes]

Fate (c.e.) (3/6)

Chapter Three- Kismet

Pairing: Professor!Chris Evans x Student!OFC

Word count: 5.5k

Summary: fate (noun): the development of events beyond a person’s control, regarded as determined by a supernatural power. (verb): be destined to happen, turn out, or act in a particular way.

Amara is about to start her senior year of college with her newly single best friend, Elizabeth. She goes out one night and meets a handsome stranger, Chris. Sparks fly. Fast forward a week and she finds out Chris is her professor. What happens when she also meets Sebastian, a cute guy from another one of her classes?

Series masterlist

“Are you almost done? He’s gonna be here in a few minutes!” Lizzie shouts from the other side of my bathroom door. It's finally time for my date with Sebastian. After my meeting with Chris, I rushed home to drown my feelings in a couple more pieces of crunchy, peanut butter toast and Sex and the City reruns. Big and Carrie were perfect together when things were great between them. He treated her like the queen she was. I wanted a Mr. Big, without all of the breaking up, moving around the world, and being with other people. It wasn’t until I was getting ready for my date that my Mr. Big could be Sebastian sans all of the breaking up.

I finish re-applying my eyeliner and take one last look at my outfit. The sweater was fitted around my arms, but baggy around my torso, just the way I like it. My light washed jeans popped against my sweater but went perfectly with my new burgundy Converse. My hair was curled, thanks to my best friend, completing my look. I went with a neutral pink color for my lips and added a light gloss for shine. I looked cute, and when I came out of the bathroom, Lizzie repeated my thoughts.

“Are you nervous?” She asks plopping herself on the couch with a couple leftover tacos from Tuesday. She was dressed in an old band tee and a pair of sweatpants from our school. Her make-up was already washed off and her hair was up in a messy bun. She already finished her homework for the weekend and was getting ready to catch up on Supernatural, which I made her watch this summer and now she’s hooked.

“I mean, a little. But it’s Sebastian. He doesn’t make me nervous. I’m just excited to go out on a date. And the fact that it’s with Sebastian just makes it even better.” I smile just thinking about spending time with him, just the two of us. I’m curious to know what he has planned for us. The typical dinner and a movie? Just dinner? Will he try “Netflix and chill” with me? Nah. That doesn’t seem like his style. It doesn’t matter what we do though. I just want to go out on a date with him.

The intercom by the door buzzes, letting us know someone was here. I run over to the door, pressing the talk button. “Who is it?” I ask already knowing exactly who it was.

His rich voice comes through the speaker, “It’s your date for the evening.”

“Hmm, you’re going to have to be more specific.” He opened up that door so I decide to tease him a little bit.

“Your 7 o’clock dinner date.” I giggle, picturing the smile that was fighting not to appear on his cute face.

“Come on up.” I buzz him in and wait for him to come to the door.

“He’s coming to the door? Very classy.” Lizzie comments while we wait. “Seriously, where did you pick him up and does he have any friends?” 

“I’m sure he does. I promise I’ll let you know if I meet them.”

As soon as I hear the three knocks on our door, I open it to a very gorgeous looking Sebastian. He's wearing a burgundy button down with small, vertical and horizontal white stripes, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, a pair of medium washed jeans, and a pair of black dress shoes. He's smiling from ear to ear. I tried to keep my cool just seeing how handsome he looked standing in my doorway. And to make it better, he takes a bouquet of red roses out from behind his back. I couldn’t help but let the smile that was fighting to stay hidden take over my face. This guy couldn’t be any more amazing. I put the bouquet in a vase we had under the sink and was out the door.

“So, are you going to tell me what we’re doing yet?” I pester while we were walking to his car. I knew he wasn’t going to budge, but I had to pester as much as possible.

“Nope.” He opens the passenger side door for me. “You’re just going to have to be patient.” I jump in his SUV, eagerly awaiting for this date to start. He hops in and we take off down the road. After about ten minutes, we pull up to my favorite Italian restaurant. I don’t remember telling him about this place being my favorite. Maybe it’s a coincidence, but I’m not complaining.

We have a really nice dinner. We talk about our families and how we grew up. I learn we both had divorced parents. He learned I had an interesting upbringing. I almost didn’t mention any of it because I didn’t want to scare him off with the baggage I had. He didn’t seem too freaked out. He asks me questions about how he thought it all shaped me as a person, how it might affect my choosing of a future husband, etc.. He was genuinely interested in my past and he was really sweet about all of it. I couldn’t help but get butterflies in my stomach thinking about a future with him. I know it’s only our first date, but it feels like I’ve known him all my life. Isn’t that how you’re supposed to feel?

“Alright.” He says closing his car door after dinner. “Enough with the heavy. Let’s have some fun.” We take off down the road towards our next destination. In five minutes, we’re walking up to a live music venue where a indie/alternative band was playing. I’d never heard of them, but I was thoroughly impressed. Sebastian and I sway along to the music, with his arms wrapped around my waist from behind. I had a smile on my face all night long thanks to him. When the show was over and we bought some merch, we hit the local frozen yogurt place before calling it a night.

Overall, it was the most perfect first date I’ve ever been on. When we had finished our sweet treats, he was a perfect gentleman and walked me all the way up to my apartment door. I didn’t want to say goodbye to him. I didn’t want the night to be over. Not yet.

“I had a really nice time tonight.” I know it was the most cliché thing to say at the end of the first date, but in this case it was true. But I didn’t want to come off as too eager and say it was the best date I had ever been on. If I had to pick the ideal date to go on with Sebastian, it was tonight. Hands down.

After some small talk to try and postpone the inevitable, the end of the night came. “Good night, babe.” He smiles as he pulls his hand out of mine. My heart stopped.

I yank him back, “Excuse me,” the blush creeped up in his face and probably in mine too. “Did you just call me ‘babe’?” I had to poke fun at him while I could. Anything to keep this night going a little longer. “Because I believe that’s a ‘girlfriend’ nickname, and you sir, have only taken me on one date.”

“Alright. How many dates do I have to take you on to make that sort of request?” He steps closer, causing the butterflies to go awry in my stomach thinking about what is about to happen.

“Well I’d say that after tonight, that request could be made in one afternoon hang out session, and one dinner and a movie.” I figure that would be an appropriate amount of time for us to spend together for this to be something official. I really like him and I don’t want to rush into things with him. I don’t want to ruin things by going too quickly.

“I think that’s appropriate.” He agrees smiling. He leans in placing a simple kiss on my cheek. How does this simple of a gesture make my heart go pitter-patter and feel all twitter-pated? “I’ll see you Monday.” I watch him walk away, making note that he has the roundest ass I have ever seen before.

I spend the entire weekend in listening to the band from the concert. I suggested numerous songs for Sebastian to listen to, making sure to rope him in as much as I was. I wanted him to come over to listen, but I didn’t want to be too forward. Even though we just had our first date, we were already planning our next date. Since we went out last time, we decided to just stay in, order pizza, and watch movies from his “master collection.” As nice as it was to go out on a date, we both agreed that we would much rather stay in together for our next hangout. We decided on this upcoming Friday, as much as we wanted to hang out again as soon as possible. However since we’re seeing each other on Monday, we decided to postpone it until Friday.

By Monday, I opt for a comfy look with super baggy, black sweatpants and an old, black concert tee. My hair was sloppily put up in a ponytail. The only thing I put effort in my make-up. Even when I felt like crap, I knew I was seeing Sebastian. And he can’t see me all natural. We’re not at that stage yet.

We met up at the coffee shop early enough that there wasn’t too long of a wait.

“You’re letting yourself go already? We’ve only been on one date!” He screeches when he saw me, standing in line. He earned himself a good whack on the arm as soon as I got closer.

“Get used to it, bud. I dress like this 99% of the time when I’m not at school.” I quip back, my tough façade cracking by the chuckle that came out as well. I wanted to be tough but his smile made that impossible. He wraps his arms around my shoulders from behind like it was the most natural thing in the world. Everything with him felt natural; like we had been doing this for years, rather than knowing each other for days. I’m really liking this feeling I get when I’m with him. I feel giddy when he’s around like I have a little school girl crush on him. But I love it. I’ve been waiting for years for this feeling. All I can think is “finally.”

He continues the gesture even when we ordered. We sit down after our drinks were done and food was heated up, chatting until it was time to go to our classes. I didn’t want to go to class though, knowing I would have to face Chris again. I just prayed to God that he wouldn’t ask me to stay after again. I don’t want a repeat of what happened in his office…

Unlike Wednesday’s class, he didn’t go over people’s work. All he did was give us a prompt: Kismet, and how we interpret it. I shake my head when he informed us of this prompt. I know he was meaning it for me, and that’s not okay. So, instead of writing about what I know he wants me to, I write about how I don’t believe in that wonder just to piss him off. When I finish with that, I turn it in and leave with a smirk.

“What are you smirking about?” Sebastian asks when he saw me after his class had gotten out.

“Nothing really. I might have just pissed off my professor.”

“Which one?!”

“The new one who teaches Advanced Writing of Fiction. He told us to write about kismet and how we interpret it, so I write about how I don’t believe in it.” We chuckle at my slightly reckless behavior.

“I knew you were wild, but not wild enough to blatantly disobey your professor.” He throws his arm around me and we start walking towards the cafeteria. “I like it.” He smiles, making my insides turn to goo. Damn him.

That’s kind of how all week went. I did everything I could to defy Chris and what he wanted, and I got closer to Sebastian. He even came over on Wednesday after I was done with my piano practice. Lizzie, him and I hung out all night until he had to leave. He later asked me if that counted as the one afternoon hangout session I had previously mentioned. I said it didn’t count because Lizzie was there. He was a little bummed but I reminded him of Friday and he shut up about it.

When Friday finally came, I go to his rehearsals at 3 and wait for him to be done with that so we could have a relaxing night in. I took the bus to campus instead of driving. Sebastian is going to drive us to his place for the night in. He said the fridge was fully stocked with junk food and drinks for us and he had his movie collection ready for us to plow through. His words, not mine. I shook my head at him when he said that. He’s such a dork.

I did my homework while I waited for his rehearsals to wrap up. When it was finally over, he called me down to the stage so he could tell me that he would shower and then be out so to meet him at the entrance to the building. I packed my stuff and headed that way. I knew I would be waiting a little while but I didn’t mind. I wanted to warm up outside the theater so I wouldn’t be a popsicle for him later. I sat off to the side, by the huge statue of the school mascot and finished what the last portion of my homework.

“Amara?”

I look up to see Chris standing a few feet from me, carrying a gym bag and was all sweaty as if he had just got done working out. I had to stop myself from gasping at how breathtaking he looked. His normally gelled hair was limply hanging by the side of his face, his shirt has V-shaped sweat mark on his chest and under the armpits. He had a towel hanging around his neck, too.

“What are you doing here so late?” Breaking me out of my trance, he comes over to where I was sitting. I look away from him, embarrassed since he probably knew I was staring at him.

“Waiting for a friend to get out of rehearsal. What are you doing here so late?” I mentally facepalm myself for asking such a stupid question. It’s obvious he just got done working out. Now he probably thinks I’m an idiot.

“Just finished my workout. It’s the only time I get to do it and the facilities are free to faculty members. That was one of the selling points when I interviewed for the position.” I snicker knowing that was no lie. I knew he worked out from the second I met him. There’s no way he got those muscles by just sitting at home.

I hear footsteps approaching, taking my attention away from Chris. Thank God it was Sebastian. “Hey, you ready to go?” He asks before registering Chris’s presence. “Who is this?”

I stand up and move closer to him. “This is Mr. Evans. He’s my Advanced Writing of Fiction professor.” I’m hoping he pays enough attention to know that this is the professor I’ve been disobeying and possibly pissing off all week. If he did know, he hid it well. He shakes hands with him.

“I’m Sebastian, Amara’s boyfriend.” I wanted to protest, but the way Chris reacted was priceless. His jaw clenched and his nostrils flared, his mouth moved to a straight line, and he stood up a little taller to try and look bigger than Sebastian, even though they’re about the same height and body mass. Seeing Chris a little jealous was endearing to see. He does care, even if he shouldn’t.

“Well I’ll see you Monday, Mr. Evans.” I drag Sebastian away from the building before anything else could happen. When we were in his car, he had to say something.

“That’s the professor you’ve been trying to piss off?” He gapes at me. “What are you trying to do? Make him fall in love with you?”

“Oh yeah. I’m trying to make him fall madly in love with me by constantly pissing him off. I’m a shoe-in.” I roll my eyes and shook my head.

“And what am I? Just someone to make him jealous ?” He wasn’t serious. His voice was filled with sarcasm.

“Did I not tell you? Sorry…” We glance at each other before bursting out laughing. Maybe at first, I thought he could distract me from thinking about Chris. Yes, it was mean of me to use him like that. But that couldn’t be further from the truth now. I really like him and I think this could go somewhere and turn out to be a great love.

After he started driving, I remembered something. “So, I don’t recall having a boyfriend.” I turn to him, waiting for his answer.

“I know, I’m sorry. It was the first thing that popped in my head.” I guess that was an acceptable answer. “And besides, I do plan on making that happen. Soon.” He winks before returning his attention back to the road. That smooth fothermucker…

As soon as we get to his place, Chris was never brought up again. We engrossed ourselves in numerous movies and indulged in countless amounts of junk food. It was exactly what I was hoping for: a relaxing night in with a wonderful guy. He was a perfect gentleman, too: he didn’t make any moves on me, he waited until I snuggled up to him to put his arms around me, he offered me the last piece of pizza instead of just going for it himself- everything was great. By the time either of us looked at the clock, it was well into the wee hours of the morning. So instead of him driving me home, I spent the night. He offered me my own blankets in case I wouldn’t be comfortable sleeping in the same bed as him. I skipped that, though. We’re adults. We can control ourselves and sleep under the same blankets together.

The next morning, I woke up before he did. I roll over and was greeted with his adorable sleeping face. How can someone who is sleeping look like a ray of sunshine?

“You’re staring.” He groans with his eyes still closed.

“I’m admiring.” I smile back. As if he could see through his eyelids, his sweet smile returned on his face making my heart go pitter-patter. He finally opened his eyes to meet mine.

“Good morning.” He groans again. His voice is extra deep in the morning which was super sexy. I could get used to this.

“Morning.” I snuggle in closer to him, burrowing myself in the crook of his neck. He was warm and still smelled like his cologne that he put on last night. It was a mixture of some kind of wood and soap. It literally smelled like heaven to me.

He wraps me up in his arms and pulls me even closer than I was with our limbs intertwined. We both sigh with contentment. It's obvious neither of us wanted to get up just yet. I actually think he did fall back asleep because after a little while his breathing went back to being slow and steady. I wanted to do the same but I can’t stay in one place for long when falling asleep so there was no way I could have. Instead I used that time to think more about this man. He is literally the total package. He’s smart (he told me he had a 3.7 GPA in high school and had about the same now), he’s a family man (he talks to his mom every day either by calling or texting), he has a great sense of humor (he makes the appropriate amount of jokes but knows when it’s time to be serious), and so much more. The fact that he’s totally adorable is just a bonus.

And for some strange reason, by some miracle, he chose me to spend his time with. I will do everything in my power not to screw up this amazing opportunity that I have been given.

Somehow while thinking, I do drift back to sleep as well. When I awoke though, to my bewilderment I was alone. I left Sebastian’s room to find him in the kitchen, making something that smelled like bacon.

“You’re a ninja.”

“Or you’re just a really heavy sleeper.” He counters with a smirk.

“But seriously, how did you do that? We were a human pretzel.” My astonishment for his skills is blowing my mind.

“Very sneakily.” He winks, returning to the stove where there was bacon in a pan. “Grab a seat at the table. Brunch is almost ready.”

“How long have you been up?” I ask taking my place at the breakfast bar.

“About an hour.”

“Why didn’t you wake me? I would have helped with brunch.” I feel guilty that he was doing everything and I was just sitting here.

He turns off the stove and comes over to me. “You were too cute to wake up.” He quickly pecks my cheek and going back to the food. “Did you sleep good?”

We continue some more small talk until he served French toast with a side of bacon. My mouth immediately starts watering before I could take a bite.

After a delicious meal, he brings me home much to our dismay. He walks me to my door, like the gentleman that he was. “So, Friday, how about we do dinner and a movie after I get done with rehearsal?” He leans up against the wall near my door.

“Sounds like a plan to me.”

“You pick the movie and bring the oversized purse, I’ll bring the candy and drinks?” I nod in agreement. I love that we both love getting candy from the gas station and sneak it into the movie theater instead of paying skyrocket prices for the exact same candy. Neither of us like spending so much money on the popcorn so that wasn’t an issue.

He pecks my cheek then started down the hallway. I fumble with my keys to unlock the door.

“Hey Amara?” I look down the hall to see Sebastian at the top of the stairs. He pauses before smirking. “I like you.”

A stupid smile appeared on my face. I knew he did but actually hearing it made my heart swell.

“I’m kinda fond of you, too.”

His smile lit up his adorable face before he disappeared down the stairs. That smile was stuck on my face all day, and every time I closed my eyes I saw his face before he went down the stairs. His words repeated in my head which would make my cheeks hurt more and more every time I thought about him.

I can’t believe this is my life right now. I’m about to graduate from college in something I’m passionate about, I’m going to start an internship at a publishing company a.k.a. my dream job, I have an amazing best friend, and a great guy who adores me as much as I adore him… I’m not naïve enough to think things will be like this for long. I know something is going to happen to screw at least one of those things up. I don’t know which one and I don’t know when, but I’m terrified for when that time comes.

Sunday was a wonderful day, except I couldn’t seem to get comfortable when I tried to go to sleep Saturday night. I tossed and I turned, not able to get comfortable. And when I did doze off, it was a very light, dreamless sleep. It was rather annoying. I woke up at an ungodly hour (7:30am) so I got up, did my homework, and took a nap after lunch. The rest of the night was great until I checked my email before I went to bed. There was an email from Chris, telling me to see him after my classes tomorrow. Nothing about what this impromptu meeting was going to be about. Just simply “See me after your last class tomorrow. -C”. Yay. Can’t wait…

I text Sebastian right away to complain. His response? “That’s what you get for pissing him off MULTIPLE times by disobeying him!” and “Just try not to be too cute. He might fall for you before I get the opportunity to ;)” Why I oughta…

Even after another horrible night sleep, I had to make sure I looked extra good for when I saw Chris. Despite what Sebastian said, I do want to look good to make him realize what he can’t have, while looking good for Sebastian in the meantime. It’s a win-win for me. I put on a white, long-sleeved tunic, dark-washed skinny jeans, and a dark gray knitted, infinity scarf. I throw my hair up into a high ponytail and tease it a little to give it a little extra “oomph”. I do my usual make-up but still added my glasses. I finish the look off with light brown boots and my usual necklaces and earrings. With a few spritzes of some body spray, I'm finally ready. I grab my stuff, leaving with Lizzie.

When we arrive on campus, I see Sebastian waiting in the front of the main building for me like we always did every morning. As I walk up, he shakes his head at me. “You really don’t like to listen, do ya?”

“Nope!” I smile, putting extra emphasis on the “p.” “That’s something you’re going to learn about me pretty quickly.” I stop in front of him. “And by the way, this is for you, idiot.” I poke him in the stomach which was unsurprisingly firm.

“Well in that case…” He throws his arm around my shoulders, kissing my cheek, and escorts me to class. “Good luck with the man.” He whispers before kissing my cheek again and walking down the hall. I roll my eyes and enter the lecture room.

Class wasn’t too bad. He gives us free reign on what we wanted to write about this time. It was nice actually. I just jot down a couple paragraphs about my ideal date and what that would entail. I saw something on Pinterest that I have yet to show Sebastian of a round bed that’s suspended over a lakeside. I have no idea where that could possibly be done or have that sort of thing, but it’s been on my bucket list ever since I saw it a few years ago. We would go around sunset, have a nice dinner on the lake side, then get on the suspended bed, and have a relaxing evening over the lake in the moonlight. Just spending time together in a magically romantic setting is what I would call the perfect date.

When I hand in the finished paper, Chris asks me what time I would be done with my classes so he knows when I will be by.

“I should be done at or anywhere around four. Your office?” He nod so I take that as my cue to leave. I get my food once I get to the dining room and find a table. Sebastian and Lizzie walk up at the same time, talking animatedly about who was the best superhero. I love that they get along really well. If the guy I’m interested in doesn’t get along with my best friend, then I can’t be with that guy. Lizzie is my best friend in the entire world. I will choose her over a guy any day of the week. “Chicks before dicks” as we say. She is going to be around a lot, since we live together. And if things were awkward because they didn’t like each other, well then things aren’t going to end well with the guy.

“So, are we going to meet up after you’re done with your meeting?” Lizzie asks after concluding her argument with Sebastian.

“If you want to wait, that’s fine. If you don’t, I’ll just take the bus home. I don’t exactly know how long this little meeting will be since I have no idea why he wants to meet with me.” I roll my eyes. We already had our meeting to “get to know me and my writing style.” What more could he possibly have to say?

“I’ll wait for you,” Sebastian volunteers. “I have to ask the theater director a few things before rehearsals tomorrow. I can bring you home after, if you want.” He shrugs like his offer wasn’t a big deal, but to me, it was. Is it bad that my heart swelled a little at his generosity? I know he’s here anyway, but still. Just the smallest gesture goes a long way with me.

The rest of lunch goes by quickly, as well as my last two classes. Sebastian and I walk to our class as always and he even walks with me to Chris’s office building before we parted ways. I take a deep breath before entering the building. When his office door came into view, it is cracked so I take that as an invite in.

But when I enter the room, I am not prepared for what I saw…

Chris in a serious lip-lock with a brunette.

He’s sitting on the edge of his desk and she has her entire body pressed up against him. His hands are resting on her hips while hers are wrapped around his neck. I could see the usage of tongue on both of their parts which completely grossed me out.

“Oh God!” I blurt, trying to shield my eyes, but it was too late. I had already seen too much. My outburst seemed to tear them apart. The look on her face made it obvious she was pissed for someone interrupting. His, on the other hand, was filled with shock, embarrassment, and was that a little bit of guilt? “Get a room next time.” I slam the door shut, effectively canceling our meeting.

“Amara, wait!” I hear him shout as I retreat down the hallway. There is no way in hell I would “wait” and listen to his explanation. He doesn’t owe me one. I’m his student. Nothing more… Then why did my heart feel like it was breaking?

“Amara!” His shout is louder this time. I turn to see him coming down the stairs to where I was now.

“If you needed to cancel our meeting, all you had to do was let me know.” I continue down the stairs, not wanting to look at him right now. All I could see was the two of them.

“I didn’t know she would be coming in. I told her that I had a meeting today.” He tried to explain while following me.

“Who is she, huh? Is she your girlfriend?” I turn to see his face. I wanted to know if he would lie to me. That is something I would not tolerate.

He didn’t say anything, though. His fists clenched and unclenched like he wanted to do something but was holding back. His eyes echoed his body language. As he stood at the top of the staircase, he almost looked guilty again. But guilty of what?

And then it clicked…

“She’s your fiancée.” He didn’t have a ring on his finger, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t. I only saw the right side of her so I could have totally missed a rock on her left hand…

Again, he said nothing. He instead looked down as if he were ashamed to admit it. He’s ashamed he got caught; ashamed that he was in a committed relationship when he was with me just a few weeks ago. He cheated on her. With me.

“Unbelievable.” I spit before exiting the stairwell. This time he didn’t follow me. He knew he couldn’t say anything anymore since we would be in public. But that’s okay. I was done with this conversation. I was done with him. From now on, nothing ever happened between us. That night didn’t occur. I went to the bar that night, wrote a little bit, then went home. He and I don’t know each other outside of school. He is my professor. I will see him on Mondays and Wednesdays at 11 until 12:30 and that’s it. The only times I will see him outside of class is when we have a meeting about mid-terms and finals. I will not allow myself to be swept away by him again. I will not let that happen.

Chapter Four- Destiny

Permanent taglist: @elusive-beauty @drakesfiance @im-a-slut-for-an-accent @fantasy-is-my-reality @naniky

[my-name-is-reginald-george]

Regina’s First Pride

Regina’s outfit was meticulously planned: a light pink crop top with dark pink high waisted shorts, pale pink Vans and knee-high lesbian flag socks. She looked hot, if she did say so herself, and she marched up the steps to Janis’ front door like she owned the place, her bag full of carefully selected tubes of paint thrown haphazardly over her shoulder.

Janis answered the door looking more excited than Regina had ever seen her. She was wearing the same ripped black shorts layered over tights that she wore every day, a borderline fashion crime that Regina had grown surprisingly fond of, but she’d swapped out her usual baggy jacket with a red checkered flannel and wearing ten times more gay than she’d ever dare at school. Rainbow socks peeked out of rainbow-laced combat boots, her black t-shirt had the words “I’m gay” written in big rainbow letters on the front, she was wearing a rainbow belt and even fucking rainbow suspenders.

She was grinning so big that Regina decided it didn’t even matter that her flannel clashed with all the rainbow accessories.

“So are you excited for your first pride?!” Janis asked, her eyes lighting up in that way that had Regina swooning just a little.

“Very excited,” Regina said. “Thanks so much for coming with.”

“Of course!” Janis said. “We’re all friends now. Oh, and Damien said to tell you he wishes he could be here and sends his love from Florida.”

Regina laughed. She loved her friends.

Since getting hit by the bus near the end of last year, she’d lost a lot of her power. Sure, people still moved out of her way in the halls, and she could still make freshmen boys cry with a well placed glare, but people were less intimidated by her, less worshipful.

However, she’d strengthened her relationships with both Karen and Gretchen, cutting out the power dynamics of their old friendships and replacing them with sleepovers and movie marathons and secrets that actually stayed secret. Also, with the help of an over enthusiastic Cady, she’d become pretty good friends with Janis and Damien. The latter was easy as she and Damien were both very extra and very gay, and once she stopped being a massive bitch, friendship between the two was almost effortless. They spent a lot of time together in Damien’s basement binge watching RuPaul and painting each other’s nails.

Janis had been harder. Another downside to not being a massive bitch was that you actually had to feel things, and as soon as Regina had allowed herself to have human emotions, which happened to be at the end of Spring Fling, she’d been hit with a wave of guilt so hard that she thought she was going to throw up. She immediately stumbled over to Janis, tears forming in her eyes and apologies rolling off her lips. Admittedly, it must have been quite the sight: Regina George in all her spinal halo-d glory, mascara streaking down her face as she bawled her eyes out to Janis Sarkisian.

Eventually, Janis had realized that Regina was on a lot of drugs and probably was not going to stop crying anytime soon, so she dragged her outside the school and sat her down on a bench, trying to calm the hysterics.

“I know I don’t deserve it, but please forgive me,” Regina had said, looking down at her lap.

“I forgave you as soon as you got hit by that bus,” Janis said back.

Regina had looked up at that, catching Janis’ soft smile and giving her a rather watery one back.

“You did?”

“Yeah. Doesn’t mean I’m gonna trust you right away, and doesn’t mean I’m not gonna totally make you make it up to me, but yeah. And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry I tried to mess up your life, and I’m sorry you got hit by that bus.”

“Don’t be, I deserved it,” Regina had told her, laughing bitterly.

Janis had shook her head, looked directly into her eyes and said something Regina would never forget, “You didn’t deserve to die, if only for a few seconds.”

The air was tense around them for a few seconds before Janis had shrugged and added, “Maybe you deserved Cady stealing your boyfriend, though. I’m not all that sorry about that one.”

“They’re cute together. And besides, I didn’t really care about Aaron all that much. Or Shane. Or any guy, for that matter.”

And that was how Regina George had come out to Janis Sarkisian.

Since then, she and Janis had gone from tolerating each other, to kind of enjoying each other’s presence, to actively making plans to hang out, to becoming friends. They still weren’t as close as they were in eighth grade, and Janis was still more closed off with Regina than she was with the others, but Janis was even more amazing that Regina remembered, and their friendship was so much more than she deserved.

So, yeah, Regina might not be the HBIC she used to be, but she wouldn’t trade any of her friends for all of that power back. She was glad to be a part of their odd group of plastics and art freaks and Aaron and even the mathletes, who were way more tolerable than Regina would have ever expected.

“Earth to Regina,” Janis teased, waving her hand in front of Regina’s face.

“Sorry, what?” Regina said, blushing a little.

Janis just rolled her eyes goodnaturedly and grabbed Regina’s wrist, pulling her into her house and shutting the door behind them.

“I said we need to get your face paint done so we can head out.”

Ten minutes later, Regina and Janis were sat on the kitchen floor, Regina’s paints between them. Janis was painting a little lesbian pride flag on Regina’s right cheek, careful strokes of pink streaking across delicate skin.

“So what were you thinking about that had you zoning out earlier?” Janis asked, swirling her brush in a cup of water set off to the side.

“Just how much I love you losers,” Regina said with a smile. Only a few months ago, she would’ve been loathe to admit she cared about them at all, but a lot had changed in those few months.

“It’s nice when your friends aren’t just your friends because they’re scared of you, isn’t it?” Janis said, giving Regina a look that was half pointed half teasing.

Regina rolled her eyes and murmured in agreement just as Janis’ stomach growled. She looked up at Janis, who was still painting and wouldn’t meet her eyes.

“Jan?” she said, raising an eyebrow. “Did you eat this morning?”

“No,” Janis mumbled, still not meeting Regina’s eye.

Regina huffed.

“Babe, we talked about this. How many times do Cady and I have to tell you that it’s not healthy to skip breakfast? Especially not when we’re about to be out walking around in the sun for hours. You need something on your stomach to keep your strength, ideally protein.”

Janis furrowed her brow, continuing to paint Regina’s face with more concentration than was probably necessary. She finished the last stripe before answering.

“I just forgot this morning because I was so excited about pride. Geez, you don’t have to give me a lecture.”

Regina bit back the, “Clearly, I do,” on the tip of her tongue.

“You’re right,” she said instead. “I shouldn’t have been so condescending about it. It’s your life and your health, so I can’t tell you what to do. I just care about you and want you to be healthy, Jan. Can I make you some eggs?”

Janis seemed thoroughly surprised with that and nodded dumbly, moving to get the eggs out of the fridge.

“I guess you’re kinda right, too,” she said, her back to Regina. “I should take better care of myself.”

Regina smirked in victory and grabbed a pan from the cabinet below the stove. She turned on the burner and popped a couple of pieces of bread into the toaster while she waited for it to heat up. Janis packed the paints back up while Regina scrambled an egg on the stove.

“I see you’ve made yourself something, too,” Janis grinned, eyeing Regina’s toast, which she’d covered in peanut butter and bananas, once they were sat at the table.

“Yeah, well, I figured it’d be awkward if I just sat here and watched you eat.”

Janis shrugged, scooping a forkful of eggs into her mouth.

“That’s fair.”

After they ate, Janis tried to leave immediately, but Regina dragged Janis back into the kitchen by one of her suspenders and made her help with the dishes, arguing that it wasn’t fair to Janis’ single mother to leave dirty breakfast dishes out.

When they finally left, Janis spent a solid five minutes trying to convince Regina to hop on the back of her motorcycle, but although Regina had become a lot nicer and more considerate of other people’s thoughts and feelings, she was still the most stubborn person at Northshore, and she was decidedly not going to ride on the bike any time soon.

They went in Regina’s little black hybrid convertible (Regina may have been a bitch, but she’d always cared about the environment, she was just more vocal about it now). Janis nabbed the aux cord and forced Regina to listen to Arctic Monkeys, a band the blonde refused to admit she kinda liked, and soon enough, they were searching for a parking spot.

“Alright, so we’re gonna watch the parade, and then we’re gonna go hang out in a nearby field for the rest of the day,” Janis said as they got out of the car.

“A field?” Regina said, cocking her head to the side. Just because she cared about the environment didn’t mean she really enjoyed being outdoors. Outdoors was dirty, and she didn’t have the time, the patience, or the outfits for dirt.

Janis smirked and grabbed her by the wrist, dragging her towards an empty spot on the side of the street.

“Trust me, princess. You’re gonna love it.”

Regina loved it. When the first float passed, a bunch of drag queens voguing to Lady Gaga, she decided immediately that this was going to be one of the best experiences of her life. Apparently, the people who marched in these parades tended to hand out something, like candy or ribbons or pins or plastic mardi gras necklaces. All of Regina’s things went into her backpack, but Janis wore anything she possibly could, which included tucking a lollipop in a rainbow wrapper behind her ear and pouting when it fell on the concrete and cracked.

Regina got the attention of a lot of the queer girl marchers (which, like, duh. Have you seen her?), and Janis attracted a fair amount of girls, too, which increased the amount of stuff they got tenfold, making her doubly glad she brought her backpack. Regina could have sworn Janis’ megawatt smile dampened every time one of the marchers, or sometimes other onlookers, would ask for Regina’s number. She shook off the feeling, figuring she was probably just being delusional and remembering that she was still trying to get over her (not so) small crush on Janis, and ended up pulling a pen from her bag and writing her number down on a fair amount of hands, ending up with a few written up her own arm.

After the parade was over, Janis bought them tacos from one of the food trucks parked in the field where the rest of the event was being held. They sat on a picnic bench a little ways away from the makeshift stage where the hayley kiyoko cover band was playing. She smiled softly at Janis, kicking at her ankle and taking a big bite out of her taco. There was something about being surrounded by other queer people that was just magical and right.

If you had told junior year Regina George that she was going to feel happier than she ever had when she was sitting on a picnic table outside, dressed like a human lesbian pride flag and eating greasy food truck tacos next to Janis Sarkisian of all people, she would have laughed in your face. But there Regina was, feeling nothing but cheerfulness and utter belonging.

[nancythebisexualslutwheeler]

Ship ask- Jonathan&Nance💞

So I got two anon requests for this- so here’s to both of you. Cheers. xxx 

who hogs the duvet- Jonathan cause he’s always cold and so small. And Nancy likes when he sleeps with no shirt on! 

who texts/rings to check how their day is going- Nancy constantly messages Jonathan a billion messages about her day, with 800 emojis and constantly asks how he is. 

who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts- Jonathan. Being poor will do that to you, you can turn anything into a gift. And Nancy always gets so excited about everything that Jonathan loves doing it. 

who gets up first in the morning- Nancy. Only because Jonathan is always taking forever taking forever to fall asleep because he’s scared of his nightmares, so when he doesn’t have a nightmare, then Nancy lets him sleep until he wants to get up. 

who suggests new things in bed- Nancy. She’s into everything and pretty confident in her body, she started masturbating at a young age. Jonathan struggles to ask for what he wants, so Nancy is always suggesting something new and Jonathan loves it, much like he loves when she takes control and shows him what she wants. He’s so in awe of her he doesn’t know how to handle it. 

who cries at movies- Nancy. Only because Jonathan doesn’t cry, he’s been through too much in his life to cry over someone else. 

who gives unprompted massages- Jonathan. He just wants to take care of her all the time. And he’s good at it, one of the few things he thinks he’s good at. 

who fusses over the other when they’re sick- OK I STRUGGLED. But let’s do Jonathan, just because Joyce was always working and Will was a very sick child, he was always getting the flu, or colds, or pink eye or ear infections, and he would spend the night crying, no matter what Jonathan did. He’d tried soup and crackers, and peanut butter toast and home remedies and everything, but it didn’t work out. Nancy is obviously much better than a child, wrapping herself in all the blankets, shivering even though she has a high fever. She eats the soup he heats up for her and mostly just wants to sleep and cuddles, though she doesn’t want him to get sick, but he usually ends up getting it anyway, so he breaks off some layers of the blankets and lays with her, pushing her sweaty hair out of her face as she dozes. 

who gets jealous easiest- NANCY. Because everyone flirts with Jonathan, and why wouldn’t they - He’s tall with lithe muscles and bright eyes and a soft smirk and high cheekbones and he wears shirts that are too big for him and show off his biteable collarbones BUT JONATHAN NEVER NOTICES. So they’ll be sitting in line at the grocery store, Jonathan going to pay and the cashier flirting and teasing him, finding any excuse to touch him- just collect the coupons bitch like there’s no reason to touch him!!! And what is she, chopped liver?! Like she is a very cute and beautiful girl and they look nothing alike so Nancy is just pissed and she SLAMS the bread on the conveyor belt and storms up to Jonathan whos just letting this bitch STROKE his arm, and she slides a hand into his back pocket and squeezes, “Babe, hurry up, we’ve gotta get home,” she says stretching up to kiss his cheek. And he just turns like a dork and is like “Why do we have to get home?”  The girls face turns red as Nancy turns Jonathan’s face towards hers and kisses him deeply, purposefully smearing her bright red lipstick across his mouth, “That’s why,” she says with a smirk and he blushes and the girl slams the register drawer closed a little too hard and Nancy glares, daring her to say something, and they pack the groceries and when they get in the car, Nancy smacks Jonathan’s thigh, “What the hell!” but again Jonathan had no clue she was even flirting and he just stares at her eyes wide as she goes on about what is she chopped liver, with his wide eyes and red mouth and he swears he never even looks at anyone but her - and there’s red lipstick on his canine which makes Nancy laugh and she says, “ok ok I believe you” 

who has the most embarrassing taste in music- Nancy, only because Jonathan is lowkey pretentious when it comes to music. 

who collects something unusual- Jonathan, but again idk what he would collect. 

who takes the longest to get ready - Nancy. She is Karen Wheeler’s daughter of course and she always wants to look nice because Jonathan is always complimenting her lashes and kissing her lipstick off and Will is always asking how she looks so sparkly (highlight) and Joyce taught her how to do perfect winged eyeliner.. I’m crying in the club. 

who is the most tidy and organised- Jonathan. Nancy has no concept of being organized, and always messes up Jonathan’s CDs because she promises she remembers which one it is that had her favorite songs but she never does and she doesn’t understand why he needs them in alphabetical order anyway. 

who gets most excited about the holidays- Jonathan, they never had much money and his mom did have to work most holidays, at least part of the day, but she always cooked amazing homemade meals and made sure Will was taken care of and there was always so much love and happiness and Nancy has never really had that with her family, so he’s excited and cant even be embarrassed that they’re eating TV dinners on the living room floor watching home alone and Will has already eaten nine christmas cookies. Nancy laughs and places her bet on Will eating more cookies than Jonathan to which Jonathan just says “Are you sure you wanna go there Wheeler?” 

who is the big spoon/little spoon - Jonathan is the big spoon! 

who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports- Jonathan hates sports and is a big baby so Nancy is competitive and fierce and doesn’t ever want Jonathan on her team cause the boy has no sense of winning and she NEEDS to win.  

who starts the most arguments- Nancy- Jonathan is too passive and lets Nancy walk all over him, and when she calls him out on it or tries to apologize for something bitchy she said, he acts like its fine because people usually talk to him anyway they want anyway, and then she gets mad and they start arguing. 

who suggests that they buy a pet - NANCY BEGS. Jonathan eventually takes her shopping for a kitten. 

what couple traditions they have- They go on long drives out to the edge of town and sit on the hood of Jonathans car and blast music and smoke weed and make out and talk about how  they’re going to run away from Hawkins together. (However Nancy knows he’ll never leave his family and Jonathan knows she only started dating him to make her parents angry and no matter how sweetly she says “I love you” they’re only 17 and it will never last) 

what tv shows they watch together- they don’t watch a ton of TV, they’d rather listen to music or watch a movie, but Will got them started on Narcos and Game of Thrones. 

what other couple they hang out with - Steve and Kali cause why wouldn’t I go there? (; 

how they spend time together as a couple - Smoking weed, listening to music, cuddling, making out, driving, fucking, cooking, babysitting Will and El and Mike. 

who made the first move- Nancy because Jonathan is dense as a fucking pound cake. He notices Nancy’s flirting a bit more now but still, he wasn’t perfect. 

who brings flowers home- Jonathan. But Nancy brings Jonathan new CDs just as often. 

who is the best cook- THIS IS HARD. Shit. Ok. Let’s go with Jonathan ONLY BECAUSE they never had shit so he can make a meal out of ANYTHING. Real Talk. So I think that would make him the better cook. Also his grandmother used to own a bakery so this little dude can BAKE. And Nancy said his chocolate cake was better than an orgasm and so she always makes him make dessert and she makes her little hotdishes which are also bomb but again, when he can make Hamburger Helper taste homemade.. that’s good. But also Jonathan’s best meal is beef tips and gravy and homemade mashed potatoes and homemade biscuits - Nancy is convinced he’s trying to make her fat, And Nancy’s best meal is lasagna and garlic bread. (yes this bitch can WHIP together a fyre ass lasagna, Karen didn’t raise no bitch.) 

[girlgotproblems-blog]

Better for the Beans The first words of a new blog are always the hardest but I've just written that so we're in the clear. 

Let's clear some stuff up first: this isn't going to be a depressing blog. I'm much too cheery for that.

If you think talking about mental health is attention-seeking and indulgent then please do one now. I'm writing this for me and I'm writing it for people who want to talk about feelings and can't. I love people, love the company of others but I also bark up the wrong tree a lot. I feel I connect with someone then I scare them away because I say too much.

Equally, there are many people who have so much stuff going on that they can't cope with anyone else and shouldn't have to. Hopefully I am getting better at recognising that. If you have been the subject of my enthusiastic friend-making and found it a bit much, I’m sorry – if I like someone, I like them and I’m not good at playing it cool. I feel a sense of urgency and I just really like to make people happy – embarrassingly so sometimes. 

Depression has a major upside. Not the part that makes you think it's ok to stay in your pjs for three days but the part that proves the importance of small acts and indeed, activities.

I have many examples of the ways that other people have helped me. Little notes appearing on my desk, a compliment on something I thought was too weird to wear, a message that says 'I think you'd like this.' Because of this, I try hard to do little things too and I hope that you've perhaps been the beneficiary of one of these little things.

But the needing other people can be problematic. I've read endless amounts about making yourself happy and self love and stuff. Self love to me sounds quite rude but there's most definitely a time for that. Several paragraphs down and I've not yet mentioned the beans. 

Twice a week maybe, I sit down in a cafe and eat some beans on toast. Yes, I know it's cheaper to make it myself but sitting here where you have no control over the music playing or whether someone has stolen The Guardian. Well, it's sort of safe. And it's reliable. I've made it a 'ritual' because I read too many women's magazines.

It begins like this... The windows of the cafe are steamed up. Will there be a table? Is it ok to sit on a table for four when there's only one of me? I look at the cake and consider it. I look for the paper. I read some news that uplifts me. I read news that makes me feel worse. I have one cup of tea and two slices of brown toast, buttered with beans. I think how lucky I am to have enough work to be able to indulge this fine dining. I listen to other people's conversations. Or not if the couples are old because then, well, they've said it all. I find the owner to say goodbye and I go.

I've got 99 problems but Heinz 57 ain't one.