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charlie-rulerofhell · 3 years

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For they know exactly what they do

Today there was a pretty long article published in the German newspaper FAZ, written by Julia Schaaf. Since there were quite a few interesting topics raised in it and Måneskin talked about some new aspects (or in more detail), I translated the whole thing (it might also have helped me to procrastinate).

Full interview in English under the cut.

For they know exactly what they do

June 22, 2021

Four young rock musicians from Rome are today's hottest band. Måneskin are enchanting Europe. Why? We met them for an interview.

Every romance needs its founding myth, an anecdote from the beginning, something you can tell later in more difficult times for self-assurance.

In the case of the band Måneskin, who first had Italy and now half of Europe wrapped around their fingers, and who are now trying to conquer the rest of the world with their rock music, there is the story of the shoe box. Rome, around five years ago: Four teenagers who are meeting every day after school in their rehearsal room to make music together, and sometimes they play their songs on the Via del Corso in the city centre in front of a changing audience. One day they want to record their own stuff. They find a studio that they can actually afford and as they go there they bring a shoe box, with the name of the band written on it, 'moonshine' in Danish, the bassist's mother is Danish. In the box: around seven kilogram of coins. The things you get from playing music on the streets. Everyone searching through Instagram for photos from that time can find four hippies with children's faces, three boys in batik, the girl is wearing a straw hat.

As they have to pay [for the recording], frontman Damiano David, 22, says that there was this guy, Angelo, and his bandmate Victoria De Angelis, 21, is interrupting: “No, Andrea, not Angelo”, and all of them have to laugh because a rigid studio manager with the Italian name 'angel' would be even funnier for a founding myth. David continues his story: “The guy was completely dumbfounded. 'We can't do that.' We went: 'Sure we can, that's worth the same even if it's just 20 cent coins, it's still 300 euros.” Thomas Raggi, 20, the guitarist of the band, is gasping for air as he laughs, while drummer Ethan Torchio, 20, is smiling dreamily. David finishes: “And then we snuck off before he was able to count it.” [the German text says 'verdrücken' here which is just a colloquial way of saying 'we left', but it entails some sort of a dramatic exit, so yeah, let your thoughts get creative how they left exactly :D].

Four young musicians on the verge of global fame are sitting on a white interview sofa in Berlin, completely styled, babbling across each other like overeager teenagers.

Ever since the Roman band first won the music festival Sanremo and then also the Eurovision Song Contest, carried by the enthusiasm of European viewers, you could say Måneskin has become a phenomenon. “Rock 'n' Roll never dies!”, Damiano David yelled fueled by the adrenaline of winning, and the insinuation that circulated on social media of the singer snorting during the counting of votes in front of a live camera – including their strict denial followed by a negative drug test result – might have given an additional boost to their public interest, their exploding album, ticket and merch sales, and their outstanding success on Spotify.

“We think it's a shit prejudice against rock music that there always have to be drugs involved. We fully threw ourselves into our participation with the utmost professionalism. We give everything for the music. So of course we don't want people to think that we can only do that because we take drugs.” – Victoria De Angelis

Prior to Eurovision, Måneskin was more of an insider's tip outside of Italy. Handmade rock music, not creating something entirely new but paying homage to the good old times with classic guitar riffs and cracking drum beats, being a lot of fun but also quite fragile and vulnerable at times and, first and foremost, conveying a captivating energy. Finally, on the stage of Rotterdam, live after so many months of isolation and renunciation, this wave of energy spilled straight over into European living rooms. It seemed easy to (mistakenly) interpret the winning song “Zitti e buoni” (Shut up and behave) as a declaration of frustration of our youth in times of a pandemic. In fact, singer Damiano David is singing about the favourite topic of the band: the unrelenting need to, against all odds, be yourself, despite or perhaps because you are different. The message fits their provocative sex appeal, which the band uses to demonstrate their independence of gender norms at any given time. But the core essence of rock music has always been the promise of unlimited freedom.

Thus at the first moment, the meeting with Måneskin is kind of startling. It's Wednesday, we are in the top floor of the new Sony head quarters in Berlin. The four Italians have just started their two-week long promotion tour through Europe. In the afternoon there will be a live concert in a queer club [the SchwuZ, but that's not mentioned here] in Neukölln, which will be streamed via TikTok. Around one million viewers will watch the show, some of them even from Brazil, so people at Sony are pretty excited [for Måneskin to come here]. But at first, these stunningly gorgeous creatures [yes, that's the exact wording :D] are standing surrounded by an entourage of people – their management, PR team, a stylist, a photographer, people who can hold a smartphone or a cigarette if needed [this paragraph is worded a little weirdly, especially taking into account that basically their whole team / 'entourage' is just friends of them, but it seems like the journalist didn't know that or maybe they just wanted to describe their first impression]. They seem like fictional / artificial characters out of a Hollywood movie. Transparent frill blouses with blazers and flared leather trousers, even the platform boots, everything brand-new, the makeup makes their faces look like a glossy magazine cover even in person. The smokey eyes of De Angelis and Raggi make them look smug and bored. Later, on the pictures it will probably look cool.

So of course your first impression might be: This band is under contract to industry giant Sony ever since their success on an Italian casting show [X Factor] in Winter 2017. The music industry must have its hand in the game when a band is photographed half-naked by Oliviero Toscani and styled by Etro. Also, one does not simply rent a villa with a pool in Rome to produce new music there, isolated from the rest of the world. And who else went to London for two whole months, shortly before the winter lockdown, just for inspiration? After the TikTok concert in Berlin – De Angelis and David are now wearing fishnet shirts that sparkle with every move, their bare nipples covered with an X of black tape – the band is posing with a few influencers. In the world of social media you would call that 'producing content'. But what does that mean for a band who are preaching their hosanna of authenticity? How authentic is Måneskin? And is their pointedly casual approach to sexuality and gender cliches in today's pop-cultural spirit more than a marketing strategy?

We're in the interview, the recording device is running for not even five minutes, when Victoria De Angelis says: “Actually, we just try to be ourselves and do what we really want to do.” And really: The more you listen to those four how they speak about the early days of the band in their slurred Roman dialect, about the shoe box and their own experiences with being different, but most importantly about their shared obsession [with music], the more you realise that [De Angelis] is very serious. Ethan Torchio, who got his first drum kit at the age of six or seven from his father because he was beating everything he could reach, says: “For me, music is like food. I cannot live without it.” The bassist next to him laughs at his pathos. Singer Damiano David applauds the otherwise more reserved friend for his truthfulness [it says 'klarer Punkt', meaning 'for the point he makes', but it makes it seem like Damiano is agreeing with Ethan here, although it doesn't indicate whether he agrees that yes, music is everything for Ethan or that he understands and feels the same].

De Angelis and guitarist Raggi already knew each other from middle school and they were the ones who tried to form a band at the age of only 13, a band that actually took music seriously.

De Angelis: “It's just difficult at that age to find other people who really put everything into music and who truly commit themselves and are willing to invest a lot of their time.”

Raggi: “We set strict rules and scheduled fixed times for the rehearsals, for every day.”

David: “Fever, stomach ache, there was no excuse. Even if you were feeling sick in the rehearsal room. At least you were in the rehearsal room.”

The way the four of them talk across each other, completing each other's sentences, taking turns in talking and sometimes joking about each other, seems intimate and playful. Singer David remembers how at first bassist [De Angelis] was merciless towards him when it came to her first metal band project, as she told him that he wasn't committed enough [to the music]: “Back then I was still playing Basketball. I was one of the people that Vic absolutely didn't want [in her band].” Drummer Torchio was later discovered through Facebook, even though there had already been a drummer, a close friend, but he was not good enough. It seems as if even back then music was everything for them. Even if it meant that only Raggi managed to graduate.

And why rock, why rock music of all things? Because it's great, the four of them say in unison. David adds: “Actually, it's a genre that allows you to do everything you want to do.”

When they played on the street, they were laughed at by their classmates. But not only there. De Angelis explains that she never wanted to be a typical girl: “I was always deterred by those stupid boxes that people put you in, and that are just restricting and constraining you, because something is only regarded as male or female. I always rejected that. Instead, I just wanted to do the things I enjoyed doing, I went skating and played football.” Torchio says: “Friends who are not friends anymore were already telling me at the age of ten that those“ – he grabs his long, silky black hair – “were wrong. Because I'm a boy and boys are meant to have short hair, long hair is only for girls. I was bullied a lot for that.”

“Compared to the past, people in our age became much more open-minded. It gets better.” – Thomas Raggi

Frontman David on the other hand, for whom eye shadow, jingling earrings and nail polish as well as his bare torso with the tattoos have become trademarks by now, says: “I was actually more of the average boy.” De Angelis convinced him to try out some eyeliner, which he describes as a spiritual awakening: “I liked myself much more [with makeup]. I saw myself more as myself. As if it had been a suppressed desire of mine.” On a trip to Copenhagen with the others, when he realised that it really didn't matter what people were thinking about him, he got his first fake fur [coat? the article doesn't specify that] in a second-hand shop and let his clothing style be guided by his own love to experiment: “I realised that my whole life I was just going at half speed.” When it comes to diversity all four of them are becoming almost missionary.

At the same time, their success is not only opening doors for them. Back home in Rome they are barely able to go out on the street due to all the paparazzi. “[You need a] hoodie and huge sunglasses”, David says, “the mask is quite helpful, too.” And still, none of them is complaining, and Torchio explains why: “Even if those experiences right now may have sides that are not so pleasant, we still know that for us a dream is coming true. We experience something that we always had in our minds, so we are willing to face every consequence that this entails.”

So is the band facing difficult times, is Måneskin going to change with all the success? Again, all of them answer at the same time.

David: “I'm not worried about that.”

Raggi: “No way!”

De Angelis: “On the contrary. Everything that happened to us happened because we are who we are, so we want to continue the exact same way and stay ourselves.”

Just a few hours later, they are at the stage in Neukölln, bouncing around like pinballs, hammering at their instruments, flirting with each other. “We are out of our minds, but different from the others”, David sings their winning hymn against conformism, and: “The people talk, unfortunately they talk.” Here on stage, the four paradise birds [a German word describing someone with a flamboyant personality] with their half-nude-glittering outfits are radiating an incredible energy with the utmost sincerity, and you begin to wish there was a live audience instead of the TikTok cameras, absorbing and spreading this energy. Måneskin. A cry for a life after the pandemic, a cry for freedom and a better world.

“We do what we wished for all our lives.” – Ethan Torchio

#måneskin #maneskin #måneskin interview #my stuff #i'm sorry if someone already translated it but i was working on this for the past 3 hours now so i'm still gonna share it #i know most of it is not very new but there were some quite interesting details in there #and it's just always great to read about those four dorks so i wanted to share it with all of you who wanted to read it but couldn't #enjoy and please ignore any possible mistakes i didn't have the time to proof-check everything

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pretoriafics · 4 years

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One Night With... Derek Hale

Remember: My requests are open. Remember²: English is not my main language, so I’m sorry if my writing maybe sounds bad for you.

Let’s get started?

Word count: 2.553 Contain: Hunter!Reader, arguing, a little bit of fluff... Warnings: Inappropriate language +16 only Inspired by the music 3 nights, by Dominic Fike Versão em português aqui

You were a famous hunter. Everyone knew your name. Feared and respected, you asserted your authority, strength, and respect for every hunter you knew. You have an entire collection of surreal stories in the hunting world, who everyone knew.

And, now, you were in Beacon Hills. In a hunting, of course. Hunting was your life.

You were suspicious about a pack of werewolves, which a hunter's family who was your friend, the Argent family, alerted you. That particular hunting was a werewolf attack case, and you went investigating that werewolves pack. You hunted them, relentless, but then, the Alpha called you to a talk. You accepted the conversation, of course. It would be interesting to listen to what the hell he would talk with you.

You arrived in a cafe and recognized him immediately. He was tall, with dark hair and a dangerous aura. Without ceremonies, you sat close to him.

"Derek, huh?" You said, without the need to be polite. "Trying to get more time to live?"

"Unlike the other packs, we don't have afraid of you." His arms were crossed in front of his chest, and his gaze was glacial. You smiled at him.

"You should have. It would be even more intelligent. So, I need to recognize that call me for a talk is a brave gesture of yours, Hale. I'm impressed."

His eyes narrowed to you.

"I think it would be smarter if we unite our energies. This way, we can get the Alpha who is attacking the city."

You arch your eyebrows. I mean, is he talking seriously? You let escape a short smirk between your red lipstick lips.

"Are you saying that..."

"It wasn't us doing all this shit."

Derek exposed all the points that were another werewolf. Yeah, you need to admit that everything was making sense. He was a smart guy, and it seems like he's not a threat to you. After so many years as a hunter, you developed a kind of sense about psycho supernatural ones. That's was not the case with Derek.

Ok. You decided to give a chance for Derek.

"Alright. But if I find out it was you, I swear that I'll go until hell to cut your head off."

You had met the pack and find out that the idea of talking with you came from another Alpha, called Scott. They seem like not only distrust you, but fear you too. Derek was always being cautious about trusting you, but you totally understand him. You're were also being cautious.

Together, you and Derek had elaborated a strategy to catch that Alpha. Despite argue sometimes, after all, you and him were a good match. Your plan was brilliant and infallible. Your body was moving like a work of art when you were fighting, brutal and elegant, who prooved for everyone in the pack why you were so famous. With a flawless execution, you had killed the Alpha.

But then, you heard a shot. Derek fell to the ground with his shoulder bleeding: Chris, Victoria, Allison, and a few other hunters were pointing their guns to the pack.

"It's time to solve this." Chris's voice echoed in the woods. And before anyone do something, you put yourself in front of all pack. The Argent's was noticeably surprised by your presence.

"It was not them, Argent. It was another Alpha."

They looked at each other. Victoria's voice was the next to be heard.

"You don't know what you are doing, and you don't know them. They are killers. We thought you would be smarter than this. It seems like all of your stories were fake."

"I need to assume that people talk too much, sometimes. So, yeah, a few of them are fake. But look, I know what I'm doing here." You cross your arms in front of your chest and get one step closer to the Argent hunters. "From now on, Hale's pack is my business. If you had any issues with them, talk with me, and I'll solve them personally. And I'm serious. You don't want me as your enemy."

"Okay." Chris put down his gun, and the group did the same. He exchanged gazes with his group. "We will remember that."

Thwarted with the situation, they got in their cars and ran away. That night sealed an alliance between you and the Hale pack, even if you and Derek didn't have the best relation at all.

You went to Derek's loft after that, just you and him. Both of you were on the couch, and you were holding a first-aid kit.

"I told you I can take care of-"

"Shut up, Hale. I need to talk with you. Take this shirt off." You were staring at him. Derek arched his eyebrows at you, and you rolled your eyes, with your face turning into red. "Don't take this to the sexual side. Damn! How do you expect I take this bullet off from you? Stop thinking with your dick."

He takes his shirt off, allowing you to focus on the wound - or try, at least. Focus on the wound, focus on the wound!

"The Lumen will be auctioned in Los Angeles next week." You said, taking the silver bullet off of him. Derek looked at you with a surprised gaze. The Lumen was an ancient book, with a silver cover and pages with wolfsbane. It's the most complete and trustable bestiary ever, and both of you have a chance to get it. "I have the money to get it. You can't touch the book for obvious reasons, so I thought I could get to take the book with you. No one will suspect if the book stays hidden with you. Both of us will use the book. It's a valuable thing, you know."

Yeah, it was important information. Derek knew if he had unlimited access to the Lumen, he would have an advantage. Even if he cannot touch on the book, Stiles would help a lot doing this.

"Let's get the book, then."

And the auction was tense.

You had never seen so many hunters and supernatural ones reunited in one space before. It was like a war zone, but fortunately, you and Derek got the bloody book. The Lumen was in the car trunk, and both of you were going back to the city However, in the middle of the road, you saw a few officers. When you get closer, Derek stops his car.

"Good night, officer. What's wrong?"

"Good night, sir." The officer was with a soft voice. "I need you and your girl to turn around and go back. No one will leave Los Angeles for now."

"What?!" You was almost freaking out. Derek blinked his eyes a few times. What the hell was happening? A little bit nervous, the Alpha asked:

"Wait, wait. What are you talking about?"

"We're in a pandemic moment, and the Coronavirus cases increased a little on these days. We're trying to avoid more cases, and we're without the tool to do a sanitary barrier. Until we got more of them to guarantee the people are healthy, and without the virus in your bodies, no one will leave the city."

The weather reflected the feeling of both of you. A heavy rain began to fall from the skies, and Derek just breathed in. He nodded in approval to the officer.

"Okay, we will go back. Thanks."

Derek turn around his car and begun to drive back to L.A. The plan of yours was doing all fine until now, but just in the part who should be the easiest one, everything goes down. You stared him, totally bothered with the situation.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Hale? We can't go back. We need to find another way to go to Beacon Hills!"

"Oh, really?" His voice had an ironical ton. "So what the fuck do you think I should do?"

"Look for another route!" Your voice was louder, and you were saying like it was so obvious. "It is so simple!"

"How do you expect I could do it? I can't see a hand under my nose with all this storm!" He said, angry. The rain was heavy, and the dark of the night wasn't helping. "Furthermore, did you really think this is the only barrier? Are you serious?"

"But-"

"Damn, shut up! We can't go back to Beacon Hills now. Stop acting like a spoiled kid."

Your mouth opened, quite raging with him. How dare! Your face was red in rage, and that's one of the moments you just want to punch his face until he become unrecognizable. You crossed your arms in front of your chest, staring at him with a mortal gaze.

"Why men never do something to solve an issue? That's why women will dominate the world."

"I told you we should participate in the auction via the internet, and you didn't listen to me. It's your fault, I mean, come on! We are in the middle of a fucking pandemic."

You rolled your eyes. He said that it was your fault, commanded you to shut up, and called you "spoiled kid". Damn! Sometimes, Derek Hale has the power to get you so pissed off!

"Stop the car, Hale." You were staring the road trough the window. When he listens to you, Derek stared you totally astonished. You repeated, looking at him with mortal eyes. "Are you fucking deaf? Stop the goddamn car, or I'll open the door!"

"Shit!"

Derek stops his car in the middle of the road. You came out of the car and begun to walk in the street without a look back. You weren't caring about the heavy rain that was falling from the sky and was putting you and your clothes entirely wet. You just don't wanna stay in that fucking car with that stupid alpha.

"(Y/N)! Get back to the car!" Derek yelled from the window, watching you walk away. You didn't look back. Without choices, he drove his car until you slowly. His window was close to you. "What the hell do you think are doing?"

"I'm going to get a ride with someone who's going to Beacon Hills."

"Oh, great, sounds a nice plan to get a ride with someone who could simply rape you, or worse!"

"Leave me alone!" You yelled, looking at him. "Argh! Stupid werewolf." He ignored you.

"Look: It's raining, it's cold, and it's dangerous. Stop being so stubborn. You'll become sick."

You were entirely wet, embracing your own body as a way to become warmer. Your pride was yelling in your head. No, you will NOT get in that stupid car.

"Get out, Hale."

"You're shivering cold. Stop to let everything so hard!" Argue with you wasn't rare. It was a usual thing, actually. However, despite being so freaking pissed off with you, Derek tried to calm down. He breathed in and, calmly at this time, he said. "I promise tomorrow I'll find a way for both of us to come back to Beacon, okay? I don't want you sick."

Then, you finally stopped walking. You need to admit: Derek is completely right. You can't just wait for someone who will accept to give you a ride, and under the storm. You even couldn't think straight because you were so angry! Then, you just sighed. Swallowing your pride, you just turned around and entered the car.

"Sometimes, I really hate you, Derek."

You were not looking at him. Your gaze was focused on that huge storm outside. You were wet, shivering, and freezing. Spend the night out of Beacon Hills wasn't on the plans, but you and Derek know you had no choices. The only clothes you have are completely wet, and you were tired as hell.

"I know. Take this." When you look to the side, on the driver's seat, you saw something who let you a little bit anxious: Derek was shirtless, and he was giving his shirt to you. "You can't stay with these clothes. They're wet. You'll get-"

"I know."

With your cheeks burning, you take his shirt and go back to the back's seat. A lightning cut the skies, announcing that the storm was far from the end. Derek's gaze went to the storm outside, giving you the privacy you need to change your clothes.

A little bit shy about the situation, you were fast: You took your wet clothes off and, quickly, you put Derek's shirt on your body. It was just like a dress for you.

And smells like him.

You have a code that you do precisely: You wouldn't bang with any supernatural. You have a reputation to care. If you have sex with anyone who you should be hunting, you will lose your credibility with the other hunters. Actually, you even never had this desire before for no one of the supernaturals you'd met. Since you met Derek was passed a few weeks, and you really never felt any kind of attraction by him. He was a rude and annoying man.

But that night, something changed.

He was taking care of you, and you really had a chance to meet him better on this trip. You notice that you have a lot of things in common with him. Also, he smells like danger and something forbidden. All of that Is really a big turn on.

You weren't the only one who was in that way.

Derek was watching you since you met. Your independence and strength sounds really sexy, especially when he saw you fighting. He wasn't trusting on you at the same time, of course. You're still a hunter. However, you earned his trust not only when you talked with the Argent's, but when you took care of him even when he said that he wouldn't need it, and, of course, when you were looking for that insane alpha.

And then, there you are, taking off your clothes so close to him.

His pride was preventing him flirt with you. I mean, come on, you are a hunter! He wouldn't do this. But that situation made his imagination run wild, thinking about your body.

"Thank you." You said for him, with a low voice. "I'm sorry, I think I'm-"

"It's okay, take a rest. I can't see the road with this storm, so I think we'll need to wait for a while. Are you with cold?"

"I'll be-" A sneeze interrupts your words. Derek sighs, annoyed.

"Great, you become sick. And just when the car's heater is broken."

"Look, I just don't want to argue now."

He looks at you. Quickly, Derek goes to the back seat, and rub your arms in a way to warm your body. Your skin was so soft... You get closer to him, to feel the warmth of his body, and, soon, he embraced you. Your head rests on his chest, and you were feeling a little bit warmer now.

Be in his arms was really good, and not because of the warmth. It was feeling like home for you. It was so comfy, so good...

"Are you feeling better?"

You didn't respond to him, and Derek arched his eyebrows.

"(Y/N)?" He calls you. But when he heard your peaceful breath, he knew that you fall asleep. It took a soft smile from him.

That was your first night.

#teen wolf fic #teen wolf fanfics #teen wolf fanfic #teen wolf imagine #teen wolf imagines #derek hale x reader #derek hale x y/n #derek hale x you #derek hale imagines #derek hale imagine #derek hale fic #derek hale fanfics #derek hale fanfic

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defdaily · 3 years

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KNIGHT Magazine March 2021 Issue featuring JAY B

Translated by defdaily

JAY B: Back to the starting point, to set off again

At first sight, Jay B does not seem to have the looks of a popular “Flower Boy”; he has single eyelids typical in Korean boys, and the corners of his eyes crescent up with warmth and pureness as he smiles, drawing people close to him. “Sexy”, “Steady”, “Introverted”，“Warm”，“Sharp” and “Domineering” are all words fans use to describe him. These seemingly unrelated characteristics come together in Jay B and sparks a charisma that is unique to him.

9 years on since debut, he is an all-rounder who sings, dances and composes and his vibrant abilities are obvious to all. However, the entertainment industry is a place that is never short of talent and worthy competitors. Being GOT7’s leader and facing the responsibilities and stress, he did not go down an easy path. Through the endurance, he figured out his own direction of growth and pace - one that is neither nervous or rushed but instead calm and steady. The start of 2021 ushered in the end of his artistic contract and signing new companies, but that did not affect his pace; he made a comeback with his members, writing songs and preparing for his solo album, continuing to do what he is good at, facing the odds calmly and confidently, “2021 to me is a brand new start; I will return to the starting point and start anew.”

Embracing the essence, upholding greatness

Looking through Jay B’s portfolio, he went through many profile changes in the early years. From being an aspiring B-boy, to debuting as an actor, as a boy group duo JJ Project, and 2 years later debuting as GOT7 leader. At every stage, he did his best in whatever he wanted to do. Grabbing every opportunity and going forward earnestly. For dance, he once gave up on his studies and joined a professional dance group very early on. After debuting as a leader, in order to shoulder the responsibilities, he reigned in on his youthful flippance and impetuousness and learned to be tolerant. Through several details, he is managing well. When appearing on variety shows as a group, he made efforts to ensure that every member had the chance to showcase their talents. Before showcases, he is obviously nervous himself but would never forget to remind the others to drink up. He even prioritized group activities over his own, concertedly rejecting solo activities arranged by the company. Till date, he is still the one with the least solo activities. “Instead of myself, it would be better for the other members to begin their solo activities first.”

He is clear-cut and is never trapped between choosing one thing over the other. As a trainee, he also experienced a rebellious phase where he wanted to give up. When he did not know what he wanted, he would follow his heart. He once wrote on SNS “Do whatever you want. If you really love something, then follow your heart and do it.” His motivation sets him on a simple path; start off with love, and put in all his effort into it, working hard to hand in his best submission. He assigned the name Def. to his solo writing, which holds the meaning of “the best, the greatest of all”. Years ago, he had said in a variety show, “When I grow a little older, I must become a truly cool celebrity, and a multi-talented artist.” At that time, when faced with many fresh opportunities, he eagerly leapt forward to try them out, to bloom from all corners. Later, interviewers asked him what his future plans are for the next 5 years, and he said, “Definitely to continue my music-related work, and if my body allows me to, I will continue dancing.” And now, his dreams have more definitively settled on the area of creative music composing, hence, when asked whether he would consider moving into acting again, he said, “Now I can’t fully embody and express a character, but I think I should learn and understand deeply before going into acting. Learning to have restraint and storing one’s potential will help with a better start.

I will open up my heart

Some say the creative must embrace change at all times and maintain a keenness for observation; similarly, Jay B’s awareness of the world is astute and meticulous. He observes life through film lenses, and reflects upon his own feelings in the process. “Through the photos I take, I discovered that my photos are people-centric, and I often am curious about what they are thinking, how they are feeling at that very moment.” The happiness and sorrows of people often differ from one another, but they always leave marks. He likes to record down his surroundings, the people around him and the banalities of everyday life, and incorporate them into his creative works. For example, when writing the song “Rainy”, he laid out photos that he took on a rainy day on the floor of his studio, began arranging and rearranging them, and pondering over the sequences. Thus led to the birth of a rainy love story.

Whether it is on stage or composing music, the ever-changing styles he expresses are undoubtedly based on thoughts and experiences in life. In addition to photography, reading books, watching movies and having conversations with people who have experienced life are all some ways in which he draws inspiration from. “In the future I would like to ponder over everything that I experience genuinely in my life, and describe my true thoughts and feelings. It may not necessarily have to be positive; sometimes it can also be a form of relief by expressing the negativity in a straightforward manner.”

Having been in the spotlight of the entertainment industry for many years, he is no stranger to receiving criticisms, yet he always digests it quietly. His warm, honest aura, along with his sensitivity and sympathetic nature, creates a juxtaposition in his personality. On the performing stage, he is cool and powerful, as if he has an unlimited source energy waiting to be released. In everyday life, the same Jay B he stores that energy and softens up, creating an entirely different image. He is used to treating others with kindness, and knows how to live as himself: “Instead of paying attention to the criticism and living like someone else, I would rather be myself and accept the criticism.” He loves life, and likes to play with his three cats. He remembers a funny incident, “One of my cats likes to lick the carpet, so there was one time I accidentally stepped on the carpet and almost fell.” Like many young folks, during his leisure time, he reads and sleeps to relieve stress. When his schedule is packed, he would take a stroll at the working site, sometimes taking photos and videos and sharing them along the way. He has his own world, but it is not locked up at all; it is wide open and welcome for everyone to visit. There was once where he read a word in a book that reminded him of b-boying, so he simply left the house and b-boyed along the streets, posting a clip of it on SNS. He thinks that the name that Chinese fans call themselves sounds nice, but he also likes calling everyone “best friend”. Realizing he might sound impolite, he carefully added that it does not mean he does not like the former, just like an old friend with no filter who says what they want but never fails to consider your feelings.

Tackling the unknown is full of delight

“Unknown challenges, to me, are very interesting. I find tackling new things to be a really great thing.” In this new year, with a new company and new plans, Lim Jaebeom has started on his journey of transformation. Taking on a path that he has to take alone, even though he may still be adapting to this new identity and role, “I am really alone now, it feels fascinating yet a little awkward.” He understands to cherish, and wishes to continue making even greater music for the group. He also looks forward dearly for his music to find a place of its own in the music sphere. Being faced with the challenges that await him, he is eager to create a world of his own. At a certain program where he was asked by his members, “Are you happy?”, he hesitated and replied: “I don’t know.” In fact, he is just like the music that he writes - it does not shock or excite but you will never get bored of it after repeated listens; the kind of music he pursues is not one with intricate formal design or various showy techniques, but one that expresses of real and honest emotions triggered by real and honest events.

As he faces the ebb and flow of the tide calmly and inches closer to his dreams with each step, he is still the young boy he was before, fiery passion in his gaze, sincerely embracing change, maturing and growing through it. Perhaps he might not know when his personal happiness will arrive, but he has never stopped looking for it. For his era is imminent.

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sherriswheel · 5 years

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Imagine Sebastian Stan revealing you’re his girlfriend in a panel

(gif source)

“Let’s welcome my personal favourite and biggest OTP in the Marvel Cinematic Universe: Sebastian Stan and Y/N!”

The crowd roared as the host introduced the two of you onto the stage. Sebastian had let you go before him, his hand on the small of you back and making sure you didn’t trip on the stairs like last time. After knowing him for years and having been on several panels with him for promotional purposes, the pair of you were very familiar with how each other moved and talked, hence the silent understanding you had between the two of you.

The moment you stepped onto the wide stage, you began waving at the enthusiastic crowd, greeting as many of them as you could as you felt you could never do enough for the fans who supported you endlessly. It was the same for Sebastian as well, as he always felt so humbling and appreciative of the love and support of the fans.

It wasn’t long before the two of you were at the centre of the stage and under the spotlights. The cheering and clapping of the crowd continued for a while longer even as you took your seats on the couch behind you. The host had his own seat while you and Sebastian shared one, which no one had a problem with.

“It’s so great to have you two here!” the host exclaimed excitedly, almost as giddy as the crowd below the stage. “So, please say hello to your amazing fans!”

Sebastian was the one who spoke first as he grabbed the mic and shouted a greeting into it. “Hey guys! How are you all doing? Are you enjoying this?”

“You guys are so amazing, you know that?” you asked, grinned widely as you tried to look at as many individuals as you could, noticing how there were so many fans that were dressed up as yours and Sebastian’s characters in the movies.

The crowd roared in response and although neither of you could understand the different things that were said, you knew the fans were more than happy to see their beloved idols.

As if the crowd was unable to calm down, the host had to step in and ask for a little bit of peace and quiet as he went on to chat with you two. “How have you two been?” he asked. “Are you guys having fun?”

“We’ve been great!” Sebastian answered for the two of you, knowing full well how you also felt about conventions like this. “I mean, it’s always so humbling to see so many fans in one place, like, it’s just so amazing how the enthusiasm never dies!”

“It’s like you guys have unlimited energy,” you added with a laugh. “I wish I had that kind of energy when I was on set - god, I was like a zombie most of the time if it wasn’t for the endless supply of coffee that we begged for.”

“Wait, you guys begged for coffee on set?” the host questioned, seemingly very interested in the little piece of information you revealed.

“Well, yeah, I mean, filming a movie is a lot of work, especially one of this scale,” you began, “And coffee is a very important thing to have if you want to keep up with all the actions and keep your awake. So, yeah, I kind of begged the managers to get more coffee on set and it just got blown up a little and we ended up getting a coffee truck on set!”

“Seriously? Don’t you, like, get caffeine poisoning from drinking so much coffee?” the host asked as he tilted his head to the side and watched you with a questioning look.

A scoff came from the man beside you and you turned to see Sebastian with a crooked smile on his face. “I wouldn’t be surprised if she did,” he said, causing the audience to laugh. “I am telling you guys this - I have never ever seen anyone drink as much coffee as Y/N does. It’s insane. I swear, coffee is the only thing she ever drinks. Whether it’s in the morning, the afternoon, or the evening, it’s always coffee.”

“I’m addicted,” you claimed with a nonchalant shrug, not really bothered about your coffee intake levels. “It keeps me sane throughout the day. I mean, drinking coffee is like, I don’t know, listening to music for you guys. It calms me and soothes me.”

“Coffee is running through your veins,” Sebastian commented, giving you a nudge and a roll of his eyes as he remembered one of your many shared inside jokes, which you understood straight away.

“So you’re the type to shout ‘can someone get me a coffee’ on set and then someone will run and get your beloved coffee?” the host asked.

“Nope, not at all,” you replied, earning a frown from Sebastian because he knew that was exactly what you did on set, especially to him whenever he was hanging around. “I ask nicely,” you added with a grin. “I actually say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes again and shook his head, looking as though he was done with your antics having filmed with you for so many long months. The reaction of the man didn’t go unnoticed by the host and the crowd, but the close friendship the two of you had forged throughout the numerous movies was not a secret to anyone who knew you two, though there were a lot of people who did wish the two of you were more than just friends.

“You two are so adorable together - have anyone told you that already?” The host was definitely one of those who shipped the two of you together, which wasn’t a surprise with how he introduced you two at the very start. “Are you sure you two aren’t together?”

His straightforward question had both you and Sebastian laughing and shaking your heads. However, neither of you answered him verbally, which was the norm since you two had never really given an official reply to the same sorts of questions that were thrown at you about your friendship or relationship.

Seeing how he wasn’t going to dig anything more about your relationship from you two, the host then turned to the audience and held his mic to his lips again. “Okay then, since I can’t get them to spill, maybe your fans can!” The crowd cheered in response and the host continued. “So, we’re going to open this up as your fans are burning to ask some questions. As usual, we’re going to start from the left and go to the right and then back to the left, etcetera. Are we ready?”

╳ ╳ ╳

The pair of you had spent a good half an hour answering the questions of your fans. Some were the usual ones about your roles and what you had to do to prepare for it, others were the funnier ones that had the hall laughing, and of course there were the corny and cheesy ones that made you cringe a little inside (though you would never show it in front of your beloved fans). It wasn’t until the last ten or so minutes that Sebastian was asked a question that you thought was rather sweet.

“So, er, I was just wondering, like, what kind of support network do you have?” the fan asked nervously.

“What kind of support network do I have?” Sebastian repeated to make sure he had heard what the fan said correctly. When he received the nod from the fan, he leaned back on the couch and ran his hand through his growing hair with a long hum. Both you and the host, as well as everyone else in the hall, had turned to look at him with an expectant look. “Well, uhm, I just try to surround myself with good people, I guess?” he began, letting out a short laugh as his blue eyes momentarily flicked over to you. “I mean, I’ve been really really lucky with the people I’ve worked with. You know, everyone has been amazing and like, I’ve never met anyone on set that I’ve thought ‘oh god, that person is a no-no’,” he paused for a second when he heard someone shout ‘Tom Holland’ from the crowd, which had everyone laughing. “Hey, that kid is a problem, but he’s a nice kid.”

“That’s probably the nicest thing you’ve ever said about him,” you interjected with a grin. “Tommy is gonna cry when he hears about this.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes and let out a dramatic groan at your response. “Oh god, I’m never going to hear the end about this… please just, whatever you do, don’t tell Anthony Mackie what I just said…”

You laughed at his words and rolled your eyes back at him. “But you love them both dearly,” you said, grinning again because you knew you were right with what you said.

“Again, don’t tell them that,” he said to the crowd. “But, but, yeah, I mean, try to surround yourself with good people and their positive sides will rub on you in a good way and then you’ll find yourself far happier than when you didn’t have those people before. I’m really lucky to have met great friends and inspirational mentors throughout the different jobs I’ve had, so I’m really lucky in that sense, but I think everyone will have their chance to meet someone someday who would really change your lives even without you knowing it.”

The crowd aww-ed at his sweet and encouraging words while you found yourself smiling at the man softly. He had always known what to say to people who were lost and you knew that from first hand experience. Sebastian was someone who had been through a lot but the fact that he was so willing to help others get through their problems was one of the many things that everyone, including you, loved about him.

However, the mischievous side of you couldn’t let him off so easily, so you took your mic again as your lips turned into another smirk. “So are you saying Tom Holland changed your life in a good way?”

The crowd laughed again and some comments were even thrown around even though you couldn’t catch them properly with all the noise that was going on.

“You’re never going to let me live, are you?” Sebastian questioned, looking at you with an amused expression as his arm casually hung on the back of your side of the couch. He soundlessly laughed at you and shook his head, while his hand unknowingly made its way to your loose hair and curled a tiny bunch around his fingers.

“Nope, but you should wait until I tell both Tommy and Mackie about this,” you replied as your eyes met his. He still had that smile on his face but it was his eyes that took your breath away at that moment. You paused for a second and even though you were aware of how everyone could see what the two of you were doing, you couldn’t help but just look into his eyes and see all those emotions swimming inside them as he looked right back at you. “You’re going to regret saying that now, Sebby boy,” you added a few silent seconds later.

There was no doubt that the audience was going crazy with that little moment you shared with Sebastian but neither of you really cared what your fans thought, not that your fans would ever get between the two of you anyway. The host, too, was getting lost in the moment you were having with your co-star, but he had his job to do. Just as he was about to signal the next fan for their question, Sebastian raised his mic again.

“Oh, and just to add to what I just said,” he spoke slowly, his eyes still remaining on you as his free hand continued to tug at your soft hair. “Friends and mentors are definitely important but you know, sometimes I think an awesome girlfriend tops all of that.”

Screams and shouts filled the hall in a split second as the crowd understood what he meant with those words. Of course, you knew what he was saying as well, and although it was earlier than what the two of you had planned, you weren’t exactly bothered that he decided to announce your relationship in this way.

With pink cheeks and the biggest grin on your face, you sent a wink in his way and spoke. “Well, I do have to agree with you there, Seb. You do have a pretty awesome girlfriend.”

#sebastian stan #sebastian stan fanfic #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan imagine

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flirting-with-psychology · 3 years

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[zombiebandido]

Can you recommend any Neil Gaiman to me, aside from Stardust or Good Omens? I cannot

What’s the best concert you’ve been to, if you’ve been? Idk, I think I’m just not huge on concerts

What’s the funniest screenname you’ve ever seen? i-run-with-scissors-to-feel-dangerous

Is there an animal you like that most people don’t? Don’t think so

Is there an animal that you think is overrated in terms of how it’s liked? Goats or cows, maybe

Is there a time period you think is underrated? Not really

What about music? Showtunes

Do you find yourself listening to music that’s a bit more esoteric? No

What are your three favorite books and why? Harry Potter because of the worldbuilding, Mistborn because of the worldbuilding and characters, A Confusion of Princes because it is a fun standalone book

What about authors? Idk, I mostly like specific books Do you have any likes you wouldn’t tell someone until you got to know them? Nah probably not

Do you have a favorite language? Not really

What about a place you’ve always wanted to visit? Ireland

What’s something someone does or says that just makes you laugh? Idk, it’s usually situational

Do goldfish crackers ever make you sick, or is that just me? No?

Do you have a favorite art style? Probably realistic

Do you have a favorite myth/fairy-tale? No, sorry I’m being boring with this quiz

Who is your favorite person aside from family? Probably my bff

Do any of your pets (if you have them) have weird quirks? My cat was just very emphatic

Do you listen to music from anywhere besides America? Not really

Have you ever “quit” a site and came back to it more than once? No

Do you have an “odd” fascination with anything? Dice

What is the thing you want most at this moment? An interesting job and a return to normal from the pandemic

What was the last book you read and what was it about? I’m currently reading The Martian about an astronaut stranded on mars

What was the worst book you’ve ever read & why? Walk Two Moons because the twist ending fucked me up

Do you have a favorite breed of dog or cat? Which? Golden retrievers

If you like any anime/manga, what are some titles you recommend? I don’t really like it

What do you think about school in general? I thought it was interesting and I wish I could go back

What’s the hardest thing you’ve been through, & what did you learn from it? Maybe the braces. Dk what I learned from it

What are three “unrealistic” things you want most? An interesting creative job with steady and high pay lol, the lottery, the good place experience from The Good Place

What are some of your favorite foods? Pasta, chocolate, cereal. I am a simple girl

Where do you like to buy your clothes? Kohl’s, Macy’s, and thrift shops

Do you take any daily vitamins? When I remember

Who are three of your favorite fictional characters of all time? Kelsier from Mistborn, Sirius Black from Harry Potter, Raydan Lykel from The Crown and the Flame

If you had to give the world a pre-existing mythological/fictional being, what would it be? Idfk

When buying Slurpees, if you do, do you get only one flavor or mix them? Mixing is fun

Do you have a favorite 7Eleven food? No

Do you have any desire to learn (a) foreign language(s)? Which? Not strongly

If you could have any career, “realistic”-ness aside, what would it be? Something in film maybe

What are three memorable movies from your childhood? The Little Mermaid, Harry Potter, Barbie as the Princess and the Pauper

Do you, personally, put a space after ellipses, or not? Let me check... do I? I guess I do

What do some of the things that inspire you have in common? Making things

Micky D’s sweet tea, y/n/other? No

What are three of your best (non-physical) qualities? Creativity, honesty, smarts

What are three of your worst (again; non-physical) qualities? Stubbornness, anxiety, lack of empathy

What is one of your firmest beliefs? I don’t really have firm beliefs

Do you ever question things until you’re unsure of even the silliest thing? Yes

Do you have anything that keeps you from doing something you’d truly enjoy? Anxiety and procrastination, and money

What are your three biggest pet peeves (personality-wise) in others? Holier-than-thou people, acting like you’re too cool for fun, being unsafe

Do you work to fix your faults? Or at least, admit to them? I admit to most of them but I’m not so great at working on them

What are three of your best physical qualities? (NOT EYES!) Why not eyes? Other than that, I guess hair color, boobs, singing voice (at least I’d like to think so)

What are some of your greatest aspirations? Do something fun, have a good social life, see what I would look like in my prime

How do you hope the world will change, if at all? Get done with the pandemic, stop having capitalism be so shitty

Who are three (fairly known) people you find very intriguing? Taylor Swift, Voldemort, F. Scott Fitzgerald

What are three things that make you the happiest? hanging out with friends, crafts, cuddling with my boyfriend

What is/are your view(s) on god, religion, spirituality, or relations to? I don’t believe in them

Are you arachnophobic or scared of spiders in the least? YES

Do you play WoW? What do you think of it either way? No, I am just not that into video games

What kind of computer do you have? Windows 7/Vista/XP/Other? Macbook Pro

What are you good at? Crafts and school

What career do you hope to have? Something creative

Are you taking any interesting classes in school/do you not attend? I’m finished with school but I wish I could go back

If you don’t attend, are you taking any “lessons” for anything? No

A book/piece that has had an exceptional impact on your life? Harry Potter

If you know of pandora.com, what is your favorite station? I haven’t listened to pandora in ages

Have you ever “lost” a friend in any way? How did you deal? Some just faded away but some actively ditched me and I tried to find out why

Any music recommendations? Showtunes

What are at least three of your biggest fears? Spiders, living a mundane life, covid right now

Most recently read book that you liked? A Confusion of Princes

Do you have a piece of jewelry you don’t like to take off? No, I have so many that I like to alternate them

Do you have a favorite quote? Why is it your favorite? Carpe Diem. Haven’t lived it much lately though Any odd pastimes you have? Making lists and charts

Are you quirky in any way? (Name them please). My fashion sense especially in high school, the nerdy things I do

Have any practices you aren’t opposed to but wouldn’t do yourself? Probably a lot, I’m generally of the live and let live mindset

Political standing?

Left

Do you have any piercings/what do you think about piercings? I just have my ears pierced

Do you have a favorite material? I’m a fan of soft materials like suede or velvet, also metals like copper and silver

What are three names you’d name a pet if you HAD to get a pet right now? It depends on the pet

Do you like to listen to dorky/amusing music? Idk

Coffee vs. Tea vs. Energy Drinks: Order from favorite to least favorite. Tea, energy drinks, coffee

Do you like more “fruity” sweets or “savory” sweets? Fruity unless it’s chocolate

What do you hate the most? Spiders

What genres of music are your favorite? Showtunes

Do you believe in true love? Idk

Do you believe in love at first sight? If yes, why? No

What are some of your favorite clothing accessories? Jewelry

If reincarnation exists, what sort of person would you want to be next?

One of those outgoing guys that always has adventures with his friends What are some things you believe strongly in? Idk

Where’s your favorite place you’ve been? London was pretty cool, also Italy

What sort of books and movies do you like? For books: sci-fi, fantasy, dystopia. For movies: rom-com, sci-fi, musical

What’s your favorite thing to do on a rainy Saturday? Idk, just stay in

Is there a book you’ve read that really touched you? The Great Gatsby just because I related to Gatsby a lot

Do you have a favorite artist? Taylor Swift

PC or MAC? Mac

What do you love doing? Crafts, shopping, board games

If you could create the perfect world for yourself, what would it be? Basically just the good place from The Good Place. Unlimited time and resources to learn and try things without pressure to make money off it

Do you think that fate plays a part in people’s lives? Not really

Are you religious, spiritual, atheist…? Atheist

What are your opinions on the media? The media is a very broad range of things

Do you think that people throw the words “love” and “hate” around too much? Idk

What is your favorite piece of technology that you own? My laptop

What’s a piece of technology you’d like to own? I have what I want at the moment.

Are you afraid of technology developing to where we’re too reliant on it? A little bit of getting to the point where a lot of jobs get replaced with AI, because instead of making lives easier like they could be, there will just be a huge unempolyment problem that our stupid capitalist society won’t solve

Does it bother you when people do things to fit in with a certain crowd? If it’s not what they want to do

Hot or cold? Cold Do you think that Bzoink should extent the character amount for questions? I don’t use Bzoink

Do you have a favorite combination of complimentary colors? Maybe green and pink

Do you know why all the young people who have nice cars always look grumpy? I don’t think I’ve noticed that

What’s your favorite odd ice cream flavor? Lemon Sorbet or Coffee Toffee Bar Crunch

Where do you like to get your ice cream? Haagen Dasz or Ben and Jerry’s

What’s your opinion on stereotypes/labels? Idk

Do you ever use random word generators for Bzoinkoids?

What?

Do you believe that history repeats itself? It sure seems like it is

Would you rather learn from your mistakes or just undo them? Learn from them

What was the most interesting class you had in school? My words and music class in college Do you write? If so, what? I used to write poetry, I sometimes come up with stories but I don’t really write them

Do you have a favorite website? Tumblr and Etsy

Do you think that the quality of TV shows is going down? No, there are usually good ones to discover

Do you have a favorite culture? Maybe Celtic. I just like the art patterns What was a story you heard as a child that really affected you? The Headless Horseman scared me a lot

Who was your favorite grade-school teacher and why? My third grade teacher and my 6th grade math teacher

Do you think that the world will end? How? Probably in a few billion years when the sun turns into a red giant

Do you believe in Global Warming? Have you researched it? Yes but I haven’t researched it

Do you prefer piercings or tattoos? Tattoos

Do you remember your dreams? Sometimes

#survey

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mostlysignssomeportents · 5 years

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#1yrago America's Fiber Future: Susan Crawford on how America's wired future is slipping away

No one in America explains the importance of good network policy than Susan Crawford (previously), a one-woman good sense factory when it comes to Network Neutrality, municipal fiber, and reining in the excesses of the goddamned ISP industry. Her latest book is Fiber: The Coming Tech Revolution―and Why America Might Miss It, a timely and urgent look at how America is sacrificing its digital future, productivity, connectivity, social mobility, entrepreneurial growth, education, and every other public good, thanks to rapacious telcos, scumbag lobbyists, and negligent, cash-hungry politicians. Crawford and her publisher, Yale University Press, were kind enough to give us an excerpt (below) so you can get a sense of why you should be reading this.

Fiber optic, as a category, is both old and new. The cables running under the oceans and among the major cities of the world began to be upgraded to fiber thirty years ago. And once a fiber optic cable is in the ground, it lasts for forty or fifty years; it is essentially future proof, because its information-carrying capacity can be almost infinitely upgraded without digging up the cable, merely by swapping out the electronics that encode and power the pulses of light that travel within its walls. Most people in non-fiber countries (including the United States) can’t even buy what in fibered countries counts as a standard, modern internet connection. About 11 million American households, out of 126 million total, are connected to last-mile fiber, and that service is usually available only at very high prices from a single unregulated provider. Meanwhile, South Korea, Japan, Hong Kong, and Singapore have virtually 100 percent fiber adoption at low prices, and often scores of competitors.

This is a big problem.

Here’s why: Those hair-thin fiber strands, capable of carrying billions of phone calls simultaneously, plus advanced wireless communications that depend on that fiber extending into the last mile, will make possible virtually unlimited, cheap communications capacity wherever you are—which in turn will give rise to new businesses, new transport capabilities, new ways of managing our use of energy, new forms of education and health care, new ways of earning a living, and new forms of human connectedness. For these things to happen, both fiber and advanced wireless technologies need to be widely and competitively available. Without these basic pieces of open infrastructure in place, your country will be missing out on the future being lived and built elsewhere.

Much of the world gets this. China is installing twenty thousand last-mile fiber optic connections every single day. In June 2017, the South China Morning Post reported “China set to build the planet’s largest 5G mobile network for US $180b.” Listen to that: the “planet’s largest.”

Fiber plus advanced wireless capability is as central to the next phase of human existence as electricity was a hundred years ago. Just as countries that quickly ensured cheap access to electricity revolutionized their economies and provided dramatically improved quality of life for their citizens, countries that figure out how to get fiber to everyone will have ever-increasing advantages over those that do it slowly.

Take the 2018 Olympics in South Korea: Korea Telecom was smart to focus on sports—and the Olympics in particular—in demonstrating its prowess. Sports grab humans in real-time emotional ways, and the Olympics mark the global pinnacle of inspiring athletic achievement. KT got the world’s attention in 2018.

But KT’s display of its 5G fireworks is far more significant than any Olympic event could possibly be. Korea is going through a phase change in digital communications that has implications for almost every occupation and source of economic power of which we’re aware today.

In the crowded city of Seoul, for example, I met many twentysomethings who did not distinguish between online life and “real” life; for them, these are simply layers of life as a whole. This generation is so accustomed to cheap, unlimited connectivity everywhere that they have forgotten its existence—just as people in other countries forget the existence of electricity until it is suddenly not there. South Koreans are impatient. For them, going to almost any city in the United States is a little like going off the grid.

In Seoul, I met Yeon Sung Choi, a professional e-sports player who is as famous in his sport as Lionel Messi, the best goal-scorer in the world, is in soccer. Yeon Sung, who now works as a coach for the SK Telecom T1 Starcraft II team (telecommunications companies are major investors in the e-sports industry in Korea), told me he’d lived through the transformation of Korea that took place following the installation of high-capacity networks that permitted any number of people to play games simultaneously. At age twenty, he realized he could beat just about anyone. The essential factor in connectivity, he says, is latency, or response time; any delay makes it very difficult to play. Some players say latency starts to become obvious when there is a gap of 150 milliseconds or even less between pressing a button and a visual response. Fiber connections generally have lower latency than cable or copper wires. “In Korea the response time is really short,” he said, laughing. He sees a bright future for the gaming industry in Korea, but there is much more than gaming. The same technology will revolutionize business, medicine, education, manufacturing, energy use, and real-time translation functions between spoken languages.

Fiber is also revolutionizing cities themselves. Because the city of Seoul years ago installed fiber optic last-mile connections throughout the city and its subway system, it can provide free Wi-Fi, which means the private sector can experiment with Internet of Things (IoT) services that will improve its citizens’ lives. On the same trip that had me clambering around the empty ice arena in Pyeongchang, I visited the city’s IoT testbed office. Taejin Kim, director of the testbed, told me that the city is testing its ability to provide personalized services to elders, to provide data from road surfaces and public transit so that navigation systems function well, and in general to “solve urban problems, wherever they are.” The conference room next to the mayor’s office houses an enormous dashboard that, fed by public data, allows the mayor to see the site of an accident or fire, talk in real time to public officials at the site, visually understand traffic congestion, and manage the city’s budget. Because fiber is everywhere, this enormous amount of data can be shipped whenever and wherever it is needed.

The next wave of applications making use of fiber and advanced wireless services is likely to be in health care, education, or other fundamental areas than has been seen so far in Korea and Japan. I am confident that innovative American businesses will come up with services that use much more significant amounts of bandwidth when there is a critical mass of users with capacity. If and when the United States becomes a last-mile fiber sandbox for this inventiveness, the huge market here will drive those developments. We will also support our commitment to genuine liberal democracy: the rising tide of cheap, ubiquitous, unlimited connectivity needs to reach everyone in order for the country as a whole to thrive.

Fiber: The Coming Tech Revolution—And Why America Might Miss It [Susan Crawford/Yale University Press]

https://boingboing.net/2019/01/08/fiber-vs-america.html

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mindfulmcgivern · 4 years

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20 Ways to Slow Down & Enjoy the Things that Matter

“For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.” — Lily Tomlin

Living a simple life is about taking the foot off the accelerator so you have the time to take a deep breath and appreciate the view.

Recently, I was in a book shop looking for some inspiration and a new book to read. After much indecision I found myself drawn to a book called “SLOW” by Brooke McAlary.

The beautiful crafted front cover grabbed my attention with 3 simple words: “Live life simply”.

Now the books in my hands had me hooked and excited to look inside. What sealed the deal and got the purchase over the line was a letter on page one from Brooke to the world. She wrote:

“Dear Mr and Mrs Jones,

I am writing to inform you of my withdrawal from the race to keep up with you. It has come to my attention that prolonged attempts to compete with you have been detrimental to my health, my bank account, my self-confidence and my ability to feel content. This is a price I am no longer willing to pay”.

I digested this 264 page book in less than a week.

The message of slowing down and simplifying life was something I have been striving towards for some time. Reading Brooke’s journey reminded me the journey so far has been 100% worthwhile.

Similar to Brooke’s story, I got to a point where I didn’t want to feel I was competing with everyone around me. I wanted a life on my terms that offered balance. I didn’t want to feel like the running hamster on that ever turning wheel of life. Over time I feel I have achieved that vision.

What about you?

You will never get a Better Opportunity to Embrace a Slower Pace of life than Now!

With the consequences of Covid-19 the pace of life has dramatically slowed overnight. People have literally stopped running from one engagement to the next. Staying at home has become the new normal.

Demands have diminished. Daily routines have been interrupted. We suddenly have time.

What can we do with that time?

We have the opportunity to slow down.

Covid-19 is slowing the pace of life down all around the world. We virtually can’t go faster, so why not ease back and find a way how to enjoy what life can offer.

While the impact of the pandemic has been tough on our lives and mental wellbeing the enforced slowing down has many benefits worth exploring.

Remember when we would say, “I wish I had more time to do other things other than just work”. Well- guess what? You can!

The current moment offers a unique chance to push back against the cult of speed and to continue life in a slower, more meaningful way.

Life before Covid-19

Before Covid-19 we had created a frantic lifestyle in which not a minute was wasted. The 24 hours of each day was carved up, dissected, and reduced to 10-minute blocks of efficiency.

· We become agitated in the doctor’s surgery waiting for more than 5 minutes.

· We grew frustrated with never ending traffic congestion.

· We became annoyed by the supermarket lines.

· We took our smartphones with us on holiday.

· We would go through our emails at restaurants

· We attended to our online bank accounts while walking in the park.

We had become slaves to our “urgent” appointments and to-do lists. Life was about speed.

An example of how the speed of our lives was increasing was conducted in the U.K by the University of Hertfordshire. Their study found the walking speed of pedestrians in 34 cities around the world had increased by 10% from 1995 to 2005.

What Does a Slow Living Lifestyle Really look like?

Sloww.co defines slow living as a conscious choice to push back against the state of constant busyness and “time poverty.” It’s an approach to life that emphasises balance and simplicity.

The lifestyle focus embraces :

· Reflection and mindfulness

· Savouring of lifes unique moments

· Pacing activities rather than rushing

· Connection with ourself and the world around us

· Finding a life of purpose and meaning

· Discovering a flow like state with everything we do

Finding the Real you

Through the years of speed and busyness did you have those moments when you imagined this perfect time when you could be still and do the things you loved when you were younger?

Did you crave the opportunity to just be?

This restoration of our inner selves is the part of us that shouts out from afar. It’s the part of us that images, dreams and wants to question who we are and what is important?

We have been living too fast. We have sold our inner selves to the devil of speed, efficiency, money, hyper-connectivity, “progress.”

When we have the chance, like we do now, to slow and listen to our inner self we start to hear the breathing of our spirit. The awareness of those breaths shows us a way of living that releases us from being a prisoner of a hectic lifestyle. We are no longer held captive by the world around us.

What Slow Living isn’t

It’s useful to gain some perspective around the idea of slowing living and simple living.

What does it mean?

A good starting point is to understand what slow living isn’t.

An article called, “Slow Living 301: How to Start a Slow Living Lifestyle,” offers some great insights into breaking down perceived perceptions around slow living. Quoting the author Kyle Kowalski, she writes:

· Slow living is about doing everything as slowly as possible: This is definitely one of the biggest misperceptions. Slow living is not about living your life in slow motion. It’s about doing everything at the right speed and pacing instead of rushing. Slow living isn’t about losing time by going slowly; it’s about gaining time by doing the things that are most important to you.

· Slow living is the same as simple living: The theme was that you can live simply but not slowly, and you can live slowly but not simply. I’ve found that simple living is more focused on things (materialism, consumption, etc) and slow living is more focused on time (energy, balance, etc). Some of us choose to take the best of both worlds and live slowly and simply—think of it like a Venn diagram where there’s some overlap in the middle.

· Slow living is about doing and being less: I read an article where the author said she was giving up slow living because she was “losing my identity.” While slow living eliminates the non essentials from your life, the intent is to free up time so you can be more.

· Slow living is anti-technology: Slow living isn’t about traveling back in time. It’s about using technology as a tool instead of technology using you.

Step 1: Where do we start?

Lifestyle habits do not change easily. There will always be some form of resistance to do things differently. There needs to be a conscious effort to uncover our priorities and what inspires us in life if we want things to change. The only way we can begin to uncover what change looks like for us is by questioning “WHY?”

What is important? What benefits are there to gain by changing to a slower simpler living lifestyle?

In her book “SLOW,” Brooke McAlary acknowledges the importance of understanding “Why?” She writes:“Having and knowing my Why helps me decide what actions to take”.

Through the process of discovery we will find our reason for wanting/needing to embrace a slower simpler life. It will establish our foundation that will support on the journey, especially when we may be confronted with doubt.

STEP 2: Unearthing what a slower simplified approach to life looks like.

What can we do to make life easier?

You may have found that the last few months have given you more time to think and reflect on what’s really important to you. When we slow down, we are more likely to gain value from the smaller things in our everyday existence. Simplifying our lives helps create unlimited possibilities for personal growth

For me I have found tapping into creativity has become a valued and rewarding new habit. With the extra time now available I am inspired to try writing blogs like the one you are reading now. I do not profess to be any good; yet it offers me an outlet to slow down and enjoy.

I look for nothing other than happiness from the process. It gives me a sense of direction and purpose I did not have before.

What are some changes you can make in your lifestyle to simplify your life?

20 Ways to Slow Down and Find Simplified Life

Sometimes we need a little inspiration to point us in the right direction.

If you need some great ideas how to transform your life, by choosing less, I highly recommend Leo Babauta at ‘Zen Habits’. A prolific blogger who offers some cool concepts we all can try to slow down and enjoy life:

1. Do less. It’s hard to slow down when you are trying to do a million things. Instead, make the conscious choice to do less.

2. be present. It’s not enough to just slow down — you need to actually be mindful of whatever you’re doing at the moment. That means, when you find yourself thinking about something you need to do, or something that’s already happened, or something that might happen … gently bring yourself back to the present moment. Focus on what’s going on right now.

3. Disconnect. Don’t always be connected. Being connected all the time means we’re subject to interruptions. We’re constantly stressed about information coming in; we are at the mercy of the demands of others. It’s tough to slow down when you’re always checking new messages coming in.

4. Focus on people. Too often we spend time with friends and family, or meet with colleagues, and we’re not really there with them. We talk to them but are distracted by devices. We are there, but our minds are on things we need to do. We listen, but we’re really thinking about ourselves and what we want to say. Just try being 100% there for the other person.

5. Appreciate nature. Take the time to go outside and really observe nature. Exercise outdoors when you can, or find other outdoor activities to enjoy such as nature walks, hiking, etc.

6. Learn to Eat slower. Be mindful of each bite. Appreciate the flavours and textures. Just focus on that one activity. No book, no phone.

7. Drive slower. Make it a habit to slow down when you drive. Appreciate your surroundings. Make it a peaceful time to contemplate your life, and the things you’re passing.

8. Find pleasure in chores. This is related to being present. Whatever you’re doing, be fully present. For example, when washing dishes, instead of rushing through it as a boring chore to be finished quickly, really feel the sensations of the water, the suds, and the dishes. It can really be an enjoyable task if you learn to see it that way. The same applies to other chores — washing the car, sweeping, dusting, laundry — and anything you do.

9. Single-task. Focus on one thing at a time. When you feel the urge to switch to other tasks, pause, breathe, and pull yourself back.

10. Breathe. When you find yourself speeding up and stressing out, pause, and take a deep slow breath. By fully focusing on each breath, you bring yourself back to the present, and slow yourself down. Next time you get into your car take a moment to take three deep breathes before turning on the engine.

11. Know what’s Important. The simple version of simplifying is “Identify what’s important, and eliminate the rest.” So take time to identify the most important things in your life.

12. Say No to Extra Commitments. Now that you’ve identified what’s important, you need to start saying “No” to things that aren’t on your important list.

13. Limit Tasks. Each morning, list your 1-3 most important tasks. Limiting your tasks helps you focus, and acknowledges you’re not going to get everything done in one day.

14. Carve out Un-distraction Time. When are you going to do your most important work? Schedule it with a block of time (1 hour, 2 hours, 3 hours, whatever works for you). Make this your most sacred appointment. Just do the most important task, then the next one if you have time.

15. Slow Down. We rush through our days, almost in a single frenetic anxiety-filled non-stop movement. Instead, slow down. Life won’t collapse if you aren’t rushing from task to task, email to email. You can pause, take a moment to reflect, smile, and enjoy the current task before moving on.

16. Create Space. We cram our tasks and meetings together, and leave no spaces between them. The space between things is just as important as the things themselves. Leave a little space between meetings, even tasks. Take a break. Enjoy the space.

17. Give yourself time to get ready and get there. If you’re constantly rushing to appointments in an anxious state, it’s because you haven’t allowed enough time.

18. Practice being comfortable with doing nothing. One thing I’ve noticed is that when people have to wait, they become impatient or uncomfortable. Try standing in line and be patient.

19. Realize that if it doesn’t get done, that’s OK. There’s always tomorrow. The world likely won’t end if you don’t get that task done today.

20. Get in touch with your Creativity. Tap into your artistic side.

What Does the Future look like Beyond Covid-19

We all will at some point emerge from the restrictions imposed by Covid-19. Therefore, it is essential we purposely try and maintain the lessons we have learnt and experienced from living a slower life.

We do not want to get suckered back on the merry go round of a fast paced life.

A recent research article by Giana Eckhardt and Katharina Husemann addresses this very point. ‘How to maintain a slower pace of life after lockdown,’ offers three key areas of focus:

1. Slowing down your body

If possible, resist the urge to re-connect with fast modes of transport to get to and from work such as the bus and train.

Try to continue with slower methods of moving such as walking or cycling. Besides the physical benefits their research indicates a slower pace allows for a stronger connection for deep reflection between body and mind.

2. Controlling your technology use

During lockdown, technology has been used to revitalize meaningful connections to those important to us. It has been beneficial reinforcing close connections around the world.

They urge us to continue these meaningful practices as you emerge from lockdown. This helps cultivate long lasting close communities, rather than shallow and short, relations with others.

3. Limiting your activities

During lockdown, activities and choices were limited such as fast food and dining experiences.

They remind to try and remember the feeling of making your own food, and sharing it with your household, rather than running back to eating out and on the go. As some form of normality resumes try to maintain practices like stopping work to eat your lunch in the middle of the day, and continue to take breaks, preferably with others and outdoors when you can.

Moving Forward

At some point, Covid-19 will pass. There will be staggering loss and enormous economic devastation. That tragedy cannot be overstated. For years, we will be trying to rebuild the broken world. But perhaps the slower lifestyle in these months can help put the pieces back together. And perhaps a more contemplative, deliberate way of living can become permanent.

So how can we use the lessons of the last few months to rebalance our lives?

Could you spend a bit less time socialising?

Could you negotiate longer-term homeworking so you don’t lose time to commuting?

If you don’t practice being present, slowing down, enjoying the moment right now, when will you practice?

What are you practicing now instead?

Resetting boundaries around your time is key – try taking some control back and say ‘no’ to something if it doesn’t align with your new slower pace.

It could be meditation, a walk in a park, reading a book or simply having a slower morning. It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as it makes you happy and it’s something that allows you to remain calm and stress-free.

Don’t allow this major time in our lifetime go to waste. Purposely embrace a slower living simpler lifestyle.

What actions can you take to make a difference?

#slow #mindfulmovement #simplify #zenhabits #coachingwithimpact covid-19 purpose meaning

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taracottta · 4 years

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Reversing 29 years of self-perception

About a year and a half ago I decided to start my active journey of self-love, acceptance, and perception. I was tired of getting down on myself, putting myself down, letting my self-esteem hold me back from living my life, and attaining a self-image that really isn't realistic for me. The first thing I wanted to tackle was my health. I started lifting weights at the gym with my friend. It was really mild, we didn't do much, but just the act of going to the gym with my friend was a start. We all have to start somewhere!

As I started to become more active, I started to take friends up on their offers to go hiking (something I didn't want to do prior due to thinking I was too fat and out of shape, and lazy). One day my friend asked if I wanted to try Orange Theory. At first I was SO hesitant. I looked it up and saw that part of the circuit is to run on the treadmill. HELL NO. I still had PTSD from when I went running crazy and would run for two hours a day on the treadmill when I was in high school. After that I just told myself, running isn't for me and thats that. I decided to step out of my comfort zone and agreed to go. I know this sounds dramatic...but that day changed. my. life. I remember some of their beginning questions. “Do you work out often now?” Maybe 3 times a week. Hows that working out? At this point I looked at the guy thinking fuuuuck youuu what kind of question is that. But I was just being defensive because...It wasn't working out. I was at the heaviest I have been. Ever. I mean I felt better for going to the gym, but I wasn't getting the results I wanted. Then he asked me, “What are your health goals? Do you want to loose weight?” & part of my self love journey was to change the way I thought about loosing weight. I made a conscious decision to not aim for “loosing weight” I understood that being healthy was a lifestyle change. To have a goal to loose weight is not having a goal to change my life style. So my goal became making myself feel strong and healthy. And that has been my goal ever since, and still is. I hated EVERY minute on the treadmill when I took my first class. For all 30 min, I flooded my brain with negative thoughts and feeling angry that I agreed to come to this stupid class. When the class was done, I immediately signed up for an unlimited membership. I felt a high I haven't felt since high school. I felt positive, I felt optimistic, and I thought HELL YEAH, I can come here three + times a week! The negative thoughts and feelings that I experienced was the result of me being pushed out of my comfort zone. I resisted it mentally but decided that since I was already there, I might as well kindaaa try. But the endorphin high I received after quickly help me realize that I DID IT, and I can do it again! Lizzo also became a huge influence when she started rising in fame. I didn’t know about her before. I’m one of those mainstream junkies. Anyway. I read an interview where she explained the origin of “Truth Hurts” the break up song of the year. She explained that she wrote that song by going to her producer and venting about a recently failed relationship. He put her rant with a beat and there it came. She said it was a dark time for her, filled with self-doubt and depression, and yet she came up with an empowering song that helped millions of women lift their spirits when they did doubt themselves because of a failed relationship. I read that interview in awe thinking how crazy it is that someone can be at the darkest point in their life and produce the most empowering and inspiring songs. When she would speak at her concerts (I’m going to be dramatic again but its true), I would literally listen to her speeches and cry tears of happiness and love because of what she was saying. It really touched me so deep down into my soul and I want to say that has been a HUGE reason why I have been able to come so far in my self-love journey. I saw her, a big, beautiful woman. I didn't think she was fat, I didn't think she was unhealthy, I saw a beautiful woman full of confidence and purpose and I wanted to exude that same energy. That is when I truly started to look at my body and accept it for what it is. Before this, I have always wanted to get back to how I looked when I was 16. I finally realized, that is an unattainable goal, and thats okay. I was so unhealthy during that time. I counted my calories, I exercised every day with no break. There was a point that I was so obsessed, I would only eat 3 100 calorie yoplait yogurts a day and drink 3 5 oz wanters a day in attempts to not put on water weight. If I wanted to eat unhealthy food, I would chew the food, and spit it out without digesting it. THAT IS CRAZY. I was starving myself of food AND water. I never want to get back to that. That realization helped me with my relationship with food. I want to eat food that is helps build my body, is tasty, and I enjoy eating. I want to enjoy my food and I also want to eat food that helps me feel strong. So I do that. I eat healthy food. But if I want a fried chicken sandwich, I’m going to get it. And because I won't go on a strict diet my body will not be what it can be, and I’m okay with it. I like the body the way it is now, and am fine with sacrificing a banging bod, for being able to enjoy food when I feel like it. This is my life and these are my priorities. A year and a half later, I feel I have come so far. Yes I’ve lost weight. Don't ask me how much, because I don't know. I don't want to live my life by the scale like I did at the peak of my eating disorder. But you know what I have noticed? I feel stronger, I can do more things without struggling or getting out of breath, I can push myself further. When I run on the treadmill in OTF and I am able to bump up my speed or bump up my incline without taking a walking break I feel STRONG, and I feel ABLE. One of our coaches likes to say “Your body is capable of SO MUCH” and it “it is a privilege to move!” and, it is! Some people are not able to do everything that most of us are able to do, and I shouldn't take that for granted. I shouldn't dread getting out of bed in the morning to go exercise. I should be eternally grateful that I get to move. Some people don’t have that luxury, and sometime in the future, I will be able to less than I can now. I shouldn't waste my time now, while im healthy and able. I am so happy at where I am now. I feel solid, I feel strong, and I feel like I can do more. Even though we are on our second shut down, and our state has robbed me of not only my physical escape, but my mental and emotional escape, I will push myself to exercise, I will continue to keep going and do more. I have come to terms with what my body looks like and I am starting to not just, be okay with my body, but to love my body. I have come so far but have so far more to go. Loving yourself is a life long journey and I hope you all are on your way to the top.

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witchqueenofthemoon · 6 years

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BODY AND SOUL Part 13 (Duncan Shepherd/Mackenzie Stone Millory AU)

BODY AND SOUL MASTERPOST

Author’s Note: I know this keeps happening, but the sexiness of this part consumed my soul (fuck y’all, editing this, I was HOT AND BOTHERED) and shoved out everything else and other stuff that was originally going to be in the second half of this part got moved to 14. I’m not in any hurry to finish this fic and it keeps sort of expanding and becoming this greater thing than I originally intended and I’m continually astounded and moved by it. Writing it is just endless joy for me--spending this time with Duncan and Mackenzie honestly feels like a gift. Madeline’s nod to the song by the Carpenters is, of course, a nod to it being featured in Episode 1 of APOCALYPSE. I use coconut oil as a moisturizer and a lube, hence Kenzie using it for those things also, and if you don’t, I highly recommend trying it in lieu of other moisturizers/lubricants; it will change your fucking life. I listened to Maya Jane Coles’ album Take Flight a LOT for this part; that entire album is an absolute VIBE and has hard #Duckenzie energy, especially their more cosmic-y soulmate sex vibes, heavily featured in this chapter (Unholy and Weak especially, goddamnnnnn). Duncan doesn’t understand this yet, but as I mentioned before, they can hear bits of each other’s thoughts when their emotions are particularly heightened, so the things he isn’t sure if he’s imagining or not are indeed Kenzie’s thoughts. Here is what his Waterford tumblers look like. It was important to me that Duncan wanted to know about Kenzie’s past and share something important about his (I also think it makes perfect sense that Duncan fell in love with an older woman once, Cody clearly idolizes strong women and I wouldn’t be surprised to hear he’d had a similar relationship in the past), that they verbalized their bisexuality to each other (I’m not ruling out the possibility of Kenzie having a romantic rendezvous with a woman in the future, but it wouldn’t be for a long time--their relationship will be monogamous for the foreseeable future in my fic), and that Duncan is at a point where he can cry with Kenzie, his emotional walls coming down. Evan is an Eric AU, Cody’s real-life boyfriend. I used these photos of Billie a lot for inspiration regarding all the moments in this part where Duncan is staring at her, thinking about her (she has perfect Kenzie hair in those too). If it’s not clear already, Duncan and Kenzie’s dynamic in bed will continue to switch (cuz power-switch bi is the ultimate goal, y’all)--sometimes he’s in charge, sometimes she is, but he defaults looking to her for direction, her desires always at the front of his mind. When Kenzie makes Duncan come the second time, she’s channeling her magickal ability, her ultimate self, a divine being of immense power--her nature as a Supreme, as Mallory in that other timeline. Focusing on the romance of this story is very important to me, more important than anything else about it, and I’m glad I could focus on this chapter with the attention I think it deserved. I love how it turned out. By the way, I hate the terms “lovemaking” and “making love” and will never use them in this fic. I just can’t stand that turn of phrase, it’s just so fucking dated. You’re having sex or you’re fucking, y’all.

Duncan leaned over the table, his head hazy; he was four whiskies deep with Madeline Stone (he’d switched to a finger of bourbon on the rocks after the second Jack and Coke, but Madeline had kept on with them), and he felt the fizzy pressure of a burp hovering at the edge of his throat. Fuck, this woman can drink. I love her already. He clutched at Kenzie’s little hand under the table, tracing the outline of her fingers, nodding and smiling at Madeline, and he could feel Kenzie shift quietly every now and then, especially when he pulled the pad of his thumb down her palm; Duncan would glance at her continually to see her staring at him with her eyes shining with desire. The whiskey was making his skin feel flushed and needy, but he was desperately trying to maintain his composure; her mother was sitting across from him, after all, currently telling them the story (Kenzie had rolled her eyes when it began; no doubt having heard it countless times before) of the day she found out she’d won a Pulitzer.

“I was in bed with your father, literally having slept with him for the first time the night before,” Madeline laughed, the whiskey clearly having dissipated any hidden anxiety. “Should have been the last time, honestly, but I think winning made me drunk on power and convinced me he was good for me. Oh, except that you came of all of that, Kenzie Lou, so I suppose it was meant to be.”

“High praise indeed, Momby,” Kenzie replied, rolling her eyes again, and then she slid them onto Duncan, who gazed at her openly, the whiskey drifting through his veins. He squeezed her hand, marveling at the way his fingers enveloped hers; his thoughts flashed to his hand around her little neck, covering it entirely; holding her against his shower wall and fucking her roughly, his arms easily holding her little frame level to him, lifting her onto his countertop, the better to taste her skin, his lips pressed on her neck, his hands totally over her little hip-bones, lifting up to cover her little breasts in his palms...he bit his lip and watched her eyes flicker over him with a hungry glitter behind them, down from his hair and into his eyes for a moment and his mouth and to his adam’s apple and down the buttons of his shirt to his hand in hers and flitting over his crotch (look longer, baby, it’s all for you, every bit of me), her cheeks blushing suddenly, as though she could hear his loud, passionate thoughts.

“Hello, yoo-hoo...calling occupants of interplanetary craft,” Madeline said, her eyes dancing between them, smirking into her tumbler. “Tone it down with the eye-fucking, Kenzie, your mother’s still here.”

“Momby, ugh,” Kenzie pulled her hand out of Duncan’s, turning away from them. Duncan felt a flash of misplaced sadness at the loss of her touch. “Here’s your chance to tell him to cut and run, I’m going to the bathroom.” She stood, pulling down the hem of her little sweater dress, and Duncan couldn’t stop his eyes from falling down the incline of her bare thigh to her leg. “I can’t be bribed with money, so that’ll be futile,” he replied, eyes lifting up into hers again. Madeline laughed, delighted. “Stupidly handsome and funny,” she said, sipping her whiskey again. “You’re passing my Potential Son-in-Law Test with flying colors.”

Duncan watched Kenzie’s back retreat, admiring the way the waves of her sandy-chestnut hair bounced at her elbows, the dip of the back of her knees, her curvy hips and ass in the dress until she turned the corner. He turned back to Madeline, blushing at his inability to be more discreet; Madeline was giving him an appraising stare that made him feel as though he’d just reached the difficult part of a written exam.

“When Annette and I talked,” Madeline said, setting her drink down, her tone suddenly serious, “she told me that if Kenzie came between you and the current course of your career, she would see to it that the relationship ends. What do you think of that?”

“Nothing my mother does or says will make me leave Kenzie. Only Kenzie’s desire to end it would make that happen. You have my word on that too, Madeline.”

Madeline smiled; Duncan could see the glint of warmth and something else (pride? satisfaction?) behind her crimson glasses. As if she won a bet. Maybe one she made with my mother.

“I think you know this already,” Duncan went on, bringing his hands together in his lap, rubbing his fingers absently against his knuckles, his tone quieting conspiratorially, thankful the restaurant was busy and loud and the patrons who had been closest to them had left a few minutes before, so the table was now in a fortuitous pocket of discretion, “but my uncle has terminal cancer. He’s hellbent on pretending he’s invincible, but my mother will need a new business partner when he passes. The doctors say he has six months, maybe a little less.”

Duncan didn’t say anything else; he could see the understanding in Madeline’s gaze, and we’re still in a public place, no less. You understand me. Soon I’ll own 65% of Shepherd Unlimited shares. Madeline was quiet for a long moment, playing with one of the little gold rings she wore; women dressed in gold, high on Olympus, Duncan thought absently. The pantheon of power.

“Annette and I may not get along in any sense of the word, but I can tell you one thing, Duncan: she loves you, fiercely, like a lioness protecting her cub. She wants your happiness, too, even if she’s shit at communicating that. For all her blistering talk, I’m confident your joy is a priority to her. So take heart there. Do you share your mother’s ambitions for the company?”

“No.” Duncan couldn’t help it; the response fell out of him before he’d even really contemplated it; he trusted Madeline immediately, and completely. “I want to build a bridge between Claire and my mother; between Claire and the company. I have my own suspicions about Claire’s supposed “breakdown”; and I want to see if I can arrange a meeting with her, without Annette, to find the hooks to tether us in a deal that’s mutually beneficial. I’m thinking about the future in ways I hadn’t considered before...my desires for my career, and...my life...have recently changed.”

Madeline smiled again, lifting her glass. “Dare I venture a guess regarding the catalyst of this change?”

“I think you know without needing to guess, ma’am. She’s about 5’1” with long golden hair, hazel eyes that look green in certain light, she’s a fearless journalist, and she has a hell of mother.” Duncan lifted his, which was mostly empty now, and clinked it against Madeline’s. “In a few months’ time, I’d love to consult with you on a few matters regarding the future trajectory of Shepherd Unlimited.”

“Ugh, never call me ma’am. Madeline only to you, sweet pea.” Madeline went into her purse, pulling out a ballpoint pen, writing the digits of her phone number on the napkin in front of her, then handed it to Duncan with a languid reach. He grinned at her and grasped it, tucking it in the inside pocket of his blazer as Kenzie came back to the table, eyeing them curiously. She’d applied fresh rosy lipstick, and he was immediately overcome by the need to kiss her. As she sat, still giving him a quizzical look, he dipped a hand around her jaw and pulled her to him, lips brushing hers softly. Madeline was carefully looking down at her phone when he turned back, but he could see her eyes skirting towards them over the rim of her glasses.

“Well, I’ve had too many,” Madeline said, matter-of-factly. “Got carried away, lost in a pair of blue eyes.” Duncan blushed, reaching for Kenzie’s hand under the table again, and she took it, still giving him a curious expression. What were the two of you talking about. “I think I need to leave the Jeep here tonight and take a car home.”

“We’ll take you home,” Duncan said insistently. “Samuel would love to meet you.”

“Samuel is Duncan’s chauffeur,” Kenzie added, “and he is the most wonderful person ever, Momby.”

Madeline waved to the pink-haired waiter who was eyeing them from across the room. He bounced over, beaming. “Ready for another round?”

“The check, please,” Madeline replied, finishing off her drink--and Duncan slipped the man his Black AmEx, while Kenzie was leaning down to grab her satchel, not looking. Duncan could feel the man staring openly at him again; he was used to people recognizing him in public places, but didn’t always feel so clearly that a stranger recognized his personal preferences; could sense his bisexuality. He was getting a heavy hit off the waiter, and it made him think back on rendezvous’ he had had in the past, men and women flitting through his mind. He wondered absently, drunkenly, about Kenzie’s past; who she had been with, her relationships, her flings. He wondered if she’d ever been interested in a woman. He resolved to ask her later, in the quiet of his (their) bedroom. He found himself suddenly desperately curious about who she had loved before she loved him; Duncan watched her as she stood and went over to grasp her mother’s hand to help her up (Madeline was wobbling, tipsily) and he stood to grasp Madeline’s other arm, full of overwhelming affection for both of them. He thought back on the two times he had felt like he’d been in love; once with a woman (when he was 20 and just entering his third year as an undergrad at the Columbia Business School--she’d been older than him, more experienced, and later became a tenured professor there) and once with a man, when he was nearing the end of his 20’s (Evan had been younger, delicately beautiful, and had moved to LA to pursue a career as a model). Neither of Duncan’s relationships had ended badly; they had just ended, the endings feeling natural, and at a certain point, inevitable. He’d had countless sexual experiences in the interim, but the feeling of love had never entered again. Until now. And this feeling…this love...was far more potent than anything he’d felt in the arms of his other lovers. Nothing he’d ever felt towards anything, or anyone, could compare to the way his body seemed to sing when Kenzie came near. The Fates, weaving their obscure cloth for us, whispering the future into its threads, their hands, as ancient as time, pressing love and devotion into the folds. He shivered.

“You okay, baby?” Kenzie glanced up at him over her mother’s head, eyes puzzled.

“Yep, just had a few too many myself, I think.” He grinned at her and she shook her head, smiling softly, and he stared at the baby curls that fell between her ear and her cheek, the crown of her little head, imagining flowers threaded through the waves again. My Persephone. I love you, Kenzie, I love you more than my own life and I’m going to give you everything I have.

Madeline insisted on sitting up front with Samuel; the big man had grinned at her, turning up the volume on the Etta James he had pumping through the speakers (tell mama, all about it / tell mama whatcha need, tell mama whatcha want / and I’ll make everything alright). “I wanna see this ridiculous penthouse Kenzie says you live in,” Madeline insisted, “and then I want this wonderful man to drive me home.” Kenzie had looked exasperated, but Duncan had smiled, putting his hand on her little knee, reassuringly, whispering “it’s fine baby, it’s okay.” Samuel had nodded in turn. “I’d love to drive you home, Ms. Stone. You have raised a daughter who is enchanting in every way, but I’ve heard you are quite a legend in your own right.”

Madeline flicked a hand through her hair, mock-preening. “Honey, you can drive me anywhere.” Duncan carefully pressed the button for the partition that was in the middle panel of the backseat; it drifted up as Samuel and Madeline continued to chat amiably.

Before the edge of it had even closed, Kenzie had clutched his jaw and pulled his face down to her urgently, and Duncan opened his mouth to her, his body flooding with sensation and relief. “God, I’m dying for you,” he whispered into her, the whiskey making his words tumble out, “I want you so much, baby, I’ve just wanted to put my hands all over you for hours--” and Kenzie was moving against him, climbing onto his lap, her little legs stretching to rest against his thighs, the silky feeling of her panties pressing into his crotch through the tailored fabric of his pants (Duncan gripped her ass cheeks in his large hands, squeezing, needy), her head hovering above him, hair falling in the glittering night as she moved gently into him, their tongues pressing together, her breath shallow, his hitching into her, longing, trembling, anticipant. “Later, I’m gonna ride your cock so fucking hard, baby,” she whispered into him, and he moaned into her, feeling his sudden erection press harshly into his tight briefs, feeling her hands fall down his neck, one coming around to let her little fingers bury in his hair, pulling his head back to gaze at her; the other hand gripped onto his throat, tight enough to bring a shadow into the edges of his vision, thrilling him. “I’m gonna sit on it until you can’t see straight.”

“Fuck, Kenzie, fuck, baby--”

“I want you to tie me up again.” She was still gripping his hair, her whisper falling against his lips, forcing him to stare into her eyes, and Duncan was moving his hands up and down her little body, slipping one between her legs and pressing against the silkiness that covered the lips of her little cunt, his hand so large against her that his outer fingers fell against her inner thighs, curling up her skin there, the feeling of her overwhelming and exquisite, his body on fire with her pressed there into his lap, his head tingling where she gripped him, “I want you to tie me up and eat me and spank me and fuck me until I can’t move.”

“Holy fuck, Kenzie, angel, fuck--”

“You better do as I say.” Kenzie grinned at him, and his heart clenched, his throat still tight where she pressed her little fingers into his skin, bringing her thumb over his adam’s apple, sending a wave of coiled heat down his chest into his stomach and then to his groin.

“Yes, Kenzie, I will, I promise, I’ll do anything you want--I wish I could fuck you now, fuck, I want you so fucking bad, baby...”

“Be patient.” She pressed her mouth into him again, her tongue slipping between his teeth, hand still on his throat, and he moaned into her; he couldn’t help it. He loved it so much; loved the way she was commanding him, bringing him so close to the edge of his mad longing for her, bringing him up to a high heat of desire, telling him what she would do, what she wanted. She let go of his neck and Duncan immediately felt a wave of disappointment; keep your hand there, baby, I belong to you; she glanced away from him, out the window, and his gaze followed her, noticing as she did that they were pulling up to the high-rise. Kenzie climbed off his lap, and his heart fell back to his chest from where it had been slamming into his throat, not knowing her little hand had left the thin red outline of her fingers against the side of his neck. He reached for her, his hand going between her legs one more time, his mouth at her ear; she whispered “soon, baby, not yet,” and gently pushed him away from her, and he ached.

The partition floated down; Madeline was saying something to Samuel that made him laugh, his face delighted. Duncan felt flushed and too hot, willing his erection to fade; he pressed one large hand gently over his crotch to hide it, the other coming up to fiddle with his collar near where Kenzie had pressed her fingers into his neck, longing for her hand to return.

“So, lovebirds, let me see this penthouse, then I’ll get out of your hair, I promise. Also, I need to pee, and I need a glass of water,” Madeline said back to them, good-naturedly. Duncan could see the heat that had reached Kenzie’s cheeks; they were pink with the ardency of the words she’d whispered to him on his lap, and she was breathing with a heavy rhythm. She glanced at him, her eyes dark, and he imagined she said fuck baby, I want you, fuck me with that big cock till I can’t breathe and stare into my soul with those eyes like blue fire, put your big beautiful hands on me and fuck me up into a million pieces with them, god, imagined, or heard her thoughts, but that wasn’t possible, and he blushed at himself, wondering if he’d thought of all that himself and projected it onto her somehow, but that didn’t seem quite right; for a moment it had felt as though he’d seen his body, his hands, his cock, his height through her eyes, felt the hot desire she felt when she looked at him as a woman looking on a man who she wanted terribly, felt the pressure of his touch from the perspective of her body, and he felt dizzy and disoriented and confused in her emotions for a moment, then it passed. What was that? Kenzie seemed to recognize the confusion in his eyes, because she gave him a strange look; “Duncan, are you okay?” And he nodded, his stomach jostling a little. “Had a lot of whiskey, I think,” he replied, and heard a “you can say that again, honey,” from Madeline in the front seat.

-------

“Fuck, honey,” Madeline had murmured, moving through Duncan’s spotless kitchen into the living room, her eyes roving over the cool, quiet, spotless, gold-and-black sheen of it. “This is fucking ridiculous.” The resident housekeepers of the high-rise came and cleaned the penthouse for an hour every day between noon and 1 PM, except for on weekends, which Duncan realized he hadn’t mentioned to Kenzie yet, making a mental note to do so later--since she was going to be living here now, too. Kenzie is going to live here with me, he thought again, drunk with the thrill of the reality of it, watching her mother’s stunned expression as Madeline moved through the space, towards where the statues of Dike, Nike and Athena were clustered. She stopped in front of the Bouguereau prints on the wall against the entrance to his study admiringly, hand falling to her chin, her other arm tucked around her. “Momby, oh my god, you have to see, Duncan has a real Bouguereau in his study, come here--” and Kenzie, having kicked her boots off by the front door, ran barefoot to her mother, gripping her hand, dragging her through the doorway to ogle at The Youth of Bacchus. Duncan heard Madeline’s soft cry of amazement and their hushed voices close together; he couldn’t make out their words. He thought of Kenzie’s things, now neatly packed in a row of boxes sitting on the floor in the bedroom; her clothes carefully hung on a wheeled clothing rack; Duncan had insisted on lining them carefully on the rack himself, not wanting anyone else to touch them. We need to go get her other things tomorrow, he made another mental note, I’m going to clear my schedule, the episode can go up without me this time. Mom’s trying to take over our weekend, so I don’t want anyone to bother us tomorrow. Duncan went to his spotless steel sink, pulling a Waterford tumbler from the cabinet, going to the fridge and filling it with cold filtered water, and stepping carefully into the study with it, holding it out to Madeline.

“The water you requested, Madeline,” he said, smiling at her. “Oh, thank god,” Madeline replied, bringing it to her mouth, draining it in one go. “I was dying.” Kenzie smiled at him, sweetly, her cheeks still glowing as they had in the car, her hand resting on her mother’s shoulder, affectionately. “Where’s the bathroom? This glass looks expensive, here, take it back, I’m afraid it’s going to tell me to park its car,” Madeline said, handing it to Duncan; he took it, obediently, stifling a laugh. Kenzie took her mother’s hand again, leading her toward Duncan’s big bathroom, looking up at him as she passed, as if to give him a secret promise; soon, baby, so soon. His fingers clenched around the glass and he pressed a hand through his hair, breathing out quietly, willing himself to stay calm. We should get a mirror for the bedroom, he thought, lust clouding through his mind again. I wanna see her little face while I fuck her from behind. I wanna see our bodies pressed together, I want her to see it, I know she wants to see, I could hear her thoughts, or...something. How is that possible? But I think I did. His heart was back in his throat, pounding at his temples as he blushed at his thoughts, I don’t care, I want her, I love her. She wants me to tie her up again, fuck, I loved that, she loved it and it made me fucking crazy for her, her happiness and her pleasure are the best drug I’ve ever had--

Duncan set the glass on the side of his desk, absently, listening to Kenzie and Madeline’s voices coming back through the bedroom, Kenzie speaking audibly; “I’m just keeping a few things here,” (Duncan balked a little at the lie, but thought, sympathetically, that maybe it was better to break one thing at a time to Kenzie’s mother), “the paps have been waiting for me at work, Momby, and now they found out my address somehow--” “Are you getting a bodyguard like I mentioned?” Madeline cut her off. “Yes, Momby, yes, Duncan’s going to get me one tomorrow.” “Good, fine. Find one that looks like Andre the Giant and nobody will fuck with you.” He heard Kenzie laugh, the sound of it pressing into his heart, making him feel faint with its loveliness, stirring the whiskey in his blood. He moved out into the living room and Madeline gave him a satisfied look.

“Sweet pea, this is the most amazing space I’ve ever seen,” she said to him, and put her arms out. “Give me a hug, please.” Duncan gazed at her for a few seconds; a hug. He felt a strange stirring of overwhelmed emotion in the pit of his body. Annette rarely hugged him; she was not one for physical affection, and he distinctly remembered every time she had taken a moment to hold him--it happened less and less often as he’d grown up. He supposed it was part of the reason he felt so starved around Kenzie; so desperate to hold and be held by her, though the rest was that he felt peace in her arms he’d never felt at any other period or with any other person in his life. He was lost in these thoughts for a moment. Then, Duncan stepped to her, and folded himself into Madeline’s arms, closing his eyes. She smelled like clean sheets and red wine and sweet Coke and whiskey. Her embrace was achingly warm, and he felt tears come into the corners of his eyes. Madeline reached up and ran one of her hands along his shoulders for a moment, comfortingly; “So tall,” she said, “like I’m hugging a fucking tree.” Duncan laughed into her, blinking the tears away.

“Take care of my Kenzie Lou, sweet pea.” Madeline let go of him. “And let her take care of you, for that matter. It can’t be easy having Annette for a mother. But she loves you. I know that for certain. And my Kenzie does too.” She stepped back, pulled Kenzie to her, kissing her daughter’s little cheek (Kenzie’s eyes seemed shiny, looking into Duncan’s as her mother did this). “And now, for that big, beautiful chauffeur to drive me home.”

“I’ll walk you down, Madeline,” Duncan said, holding his arm out to her.

“So fucking handsome,” Madeline murmured again, as if to herself, and slipped her hand through the crook of his elbow. “And you smell like cedar chips and sandalwood. Ridiculous. And that smile!” She shook her head as Duncan laughed again. “Angels singing a heavenly chorus. Take me to my carriage, Prince Duncan.”

He looked at Kenzie; Prince. She smiled at him, her face full of love and her eyes glittering: yes, baby, my Prince.

And I’m going to worship you soon, he thought, eyes roving up and down her, to her little bare feet, one pressed over the other for a moment, then sliding back out in a circle across the floor, her fingers bunched together. If I’m a Prince, you’re a goddess, and I will go to your temple to lay down all my sorrows and my sins and my fear, and all my devotion.

-----

Duncan came through the penthouse door, feeling as though he was vibrating again, his nerves on fire, his stomach jumping, all the whiskey he’d had starting to make him float along the hallway on the way back, float in the elevator, floating up to Olympus, to her. Madeline had given his cheek a little kiss as he helped her into the BMW, clutching his hand for a beat longer than he expected her to; she didn’t say anything, but the glint in her eyes sent warmth along his arms, twisting around his ribcage. You have my blessing. And again, he felt fortunate beyond words; blessed, fate smiling.

He was quiet, coming back; I’ll find her, he thought with a thrill. Kenzie wasn’t in the kitchen; he took his shoes off, discarding them by the door, noiselessly, pulling his blazer off, hanging it on one of the hooks that stretched along the wall beside the door; he imagined Kenzie’s coats and sweaters and scarves hanging there soon, and his heart resounded with an urgent longing, almost painfully. I can’t wait to look at her things every day, her little shoes and her dresses and her bags and jewels; and the smell of her lingering in the rooms and the soft sounds she makes in her sleep. Duncan moved into the living room, in his socks now (cashmere again; he had dozens of pairs), unbuckling his black Movado from his wrist, setting it gently on the long coffee table; the living room was dark, the city lights vaguely visible from this distance through the window, and he thought of her hands pressed against the glass last night, their reflection in it, the cloud of her little breath steaming against it, his hand wide on her neck, covering it, her cries, the wetness that had drenched over him as she came, the way she’d moaned against him when he’d pressed the leather belt into her wrists, his tongue into her clit.

Where are you, angel.

“Mackenzie.”

“In here, Prince Duncan.”

Duncan could see the incline of her arm, the fall of her bare thigh; Kenzie was sitting on his desk in the study, the way she had days ago when he put her there and pressed his mouth between her legs, after that dinner at Le Diplomate; after that dinner where he’d realized he would do whatever it took to be with her, to win her affection, her love, and her everlasting trust. Her hair fell down her shoulders and her back, glittering in the low light of the Tiffany lamp, the only light in the room. Kenzie was naked, and the light threw her shadow against the wall, shadows along her face; her thighs pressed into the mahogany, round and white, her hands stretched behind her, her legs parted just a little, just enough for him to see the bud of her clit between them. She stared at him as he walked to the doorway (dark green, so dark they looked almost black), and he felt himself lift his hand to his jaw, along his bottom lip, unable to stop his familiar tick; that telltale sign that he was nervous, thinking, distracted, desirous. He leaned into the doorframe; leaned his head against it, fingers falling against it, gripping it, his other hand falling down from his jaw to where she’d gripped his throat an hour before; he didn’t know it but the redness from her fingers had not yet totally faded, finger-shaped tattoos along his skin. I never want to stop looking at you, he thought, and he could feel the way his lips were parted in his hunger, could feel the press of his cock into his clothes, feel the tingling at the back of his skull; I’ll worship you as long as you want me to, as long as you’ll have me.

Kenzie didn’t speak. She stared at him, her head cocked just a little, just enough to make him shiver; just enough to make him unsure of her mood. She sat up, lifting her arms so they came around her flat belly, and then he saw that in one of her hands, she had a very long, thick, black velvet ribbon.

“Where did you get that,” he whispered, his voice quiet, his breath shallow, eyes widening in his approval, the lower half of his body beginning to ache. The room felt hot; and Kenzie’s body seemed flushed with warmth in the light; he longed to press his mouth against her, but tried, was determined to try, to hold off for as long as he could.

“The clothing of women hold many secrets, Mr. Shepherd. I have my ways.”

He walked toward her, hands falling to his sides, unable to resist being near her any longer; Duncan reached out with one long hand, and his fingers pressed into Kenzie’s knee, drifting up her leg with aching slowness; he kept his eyes in hers, watching the flickers of gold through them, watching her blink, her lashes seeming impossibly long in the low light, her lips parted, a shiver cascading down from the base of her skull, it seemed, to her shoulders and spine, her nipples growing visibly hard, and Duncan felt the tremble reach her thigh, where his fingers now rested. He brought his other hand up; brought it down over her little one, the one that held the ribbon, and staring at her, into her (green, gold, bronze), he pulled it slowly out of her hand, insistently.

“Do you want me to tie you up with this, angel,” he whispered.

“Yes.” Kenzie’s gaze did not move from him, despite her shivering; she kept her eyes in his, and he felt again that somehow, he could see her thoughts, her desires, indistinctly, but in flashes; could see her need for his hands against her, rough and needy, his cock hard and deep inside her, down her throat, buried between her legs, his hand roughly pressed against her neck, his fingers flush against her sex, his mouth (I love your mouth, she thought, how could he know what she thought, but he knew, your soft beautiful lips, I love the way you taste, your teeth biting into me, your tongue, your longing, the roughness of the stubble on your cheek against mine, the feeling of your breath on my neck) and he thought I love your mouth too, angel, you taste like the rain and the dawn I love the sweetness of your body, your beautiful little hands, your shoulders and your neck, the sighs you make when I touch you, the way your eyelashes fall when you look down, the curve of your hips and your thighs, your hair like a wave of gold in the sea, and you are the most wonderful thing I have ever been allowed to touch, to pleasure, to love--

“Yes, baby. Tie me up and fuck me over your desk and let me ride your cock while we stare at this, which is so beautiful it makes me want to die.” Kenzie nodded to The Youth of Bacchus, stretching behind him, mammoth and full of life and lust and terrible beauty, “...and fuck me with this...in my ass.”

Only then did Duncan notice the two other objects Kenzie placed on the desk beside them; one was a jar of coconut oil she’d added to the list of things from her apartment she’d given him that day (it had been in her bathroom cabinet, as she’d instructed on the paper, written in her tiny loopy handwriting, mixed in among dozens of other things), and the other she was now holding in the palm of her hand; a small silicone anal plug, its bulbous shape coming to a rounded point, black, with a circular white jewel set in the outward handle.

“Oh, fuck,” Duncan whispered. “Kenzie.” His eyes went wide; his head went hazy and red and wild with desire for her and he bit his lip so hard he wondered if he’d drawn blood. Her blush set his groin on fire; her eager smile cracked his composure into fragments; he was rock hard now, painfully hard, so hard he felt his vision blur; she pressed it into his hand (it was achingly smooth) and hooked a little finger around his belt, pulling him flush against her, her hand falling to the rise of his erection through the fabric, their mouths, almost level from where she sat elevated, coming together with a moonstruck, raw lust, tasting each other deeply, immediately, as if they’d been starved of each other for days when it had only been hours. Her little fingers were undoing the buckle of his belt supernaturally fast, and he tried to steel his mind, even it, to help himself last--he felt like he was about to come already, and that would not do.

“Slow down baby,” he gasped. “I want you so much already, slow down,” and she smiled into him, coyly, nodding a little. “Awwww, poor baby,” she whispered, and he grinned into her, full of frenzied joy, elated, ecstatic in her arms. “Poor, poor baby…”

She slipped off the desk, pulling his belt out with a snap, the button and fly of his pants already down before he could blink twice, and her little hand was inside his briefs, achingly small and delicate and warm around his cock; Kenzie pulled it out over the waistband of his (always) black briefs, and leaned her little head down, her tongue falling out and swirling around the head, her saliva dripping down the side, the moisture glittering in the low light. “Fuck me,” Duncan whispered, his head falling back. She was so little standing in front of him this way, he felt as though he could pick her up with one hand and lift her over his head; his hands he saw again through what had felt like her eyes, gigantic and encompassing on her little breasts and body, smooth, long-fingered, his veins stretching through them with sinewy strength, and he had to concentrate again; had to will himself to step back from the edge. In one hand he held the velvet ribbon, in the other, the plug she’d handed him; he put them down on the desk, anxious to hold her, and picked her up easily, cradling her thighs in his hands, lifting her above his hardness, into his torso, against him, his mouth on hers again, her hands coming around to cradle his face. Still tasting her, his arms snugly around her waist and hip, he carried her around the desk so he was facing the gargantuan painting that stretched along the wall now; he set her down there gently, so she was seated in the other direction, and Kenzie grasped the buttons of his shirt, undoing them quickly, as he pulled his pants and briefs away from his body, kicking them to the side.

“I use it on myself sometimes,” she breathed into him, and Duncan moaned into her. “Sometimes I wear it outside, just for a little while, my own little secret, pressing into me. I’ve never told anyone that.”

“Baby, holy fuck,” Duncan closed his eyes. “That’s so fucking hot. Holy fuck, god, you’re so fucking beautiful. You make me so fucking hard.”

“It’s my turn to make you come twice, baby,” Kenzie whispered into his ear, her hair falling around her shoulders, you look like Aphrodite, Duncan thought, the most beautiful woman in the world. “You’ve done it to me for days now, it’s my turn. I’m gonna make you come and then I’m gonna make you come again, I want you to fill me up with your need.”

“Fuck, okay, baby,” Duncan murmured into her mouth, now naked against her. “Yes, Kenzie.”

Kenzie reached over to the coconut oil, unscrewing the top (Duncan could see her hands shake just a little, out of nervousness or excitement or both; both is what I feel baby, I feel unhinged for you, he thought), sticking her index and middle finger into it and scooping some of the sweet-smelling oil out, setting the jar down and immediately sticking the fingers between her legs, carefully soothing it over her cunt and clit, which Duncan knew must be sore still from their endless fucking; she then reached her hand out and soothed some of it down his cock, making him moan into her again, his forehead pressed against the side of her hair.

“Feels good, doesn’t it, baby,” she whispered. “Yes, baby, yes, angel--” he replied, adamant, and she cut him off.

“Okay. Now. You put some on me. You put your fingers (those big dick fuck off beautiful fingers baby--flashes of her thoughts again) inside my ass and fuck me with them for a minute.”

“Yes, Kenzie.” His heart was slamming into the bones of his ribs, fluttering, darkness at the edges of his vision again.

She slid off the desk and immediately turned her back to him, leaning over it; Kenzie brought her arms around her back so her hands rested against her asscheeks, and she pressed her wrists together, trusting, opening to him.

“I’m gonna tie you up now, angel,” Duncan breathed, his cock straining, wet in the light with the oil Kenzie had slathered onto it.

Kenzie sighed; the sound was achingly beautiful to him, contented, and anticipatory. She turned her head to the side so her eyes gazed back at him, and she nodded.

Duncan reached for the ribbon, gripping it carefully, bringing it around the back of Kenzie’s wrists, his hands brushing the sensitive skin of her lower back; he heard her moan, tiny and overwhelmed, and he closed his eyes again, back from the edge, step back. He wrapped it one more time around her wrists and then tied it carefully; a double-knot, and then he thought back to that night he saw her first on the balcony, with her sandals tied in double-knots, thought of untying them and kissing her ankles, and he longed for her, for all of her. He checked the knot, pulling gently at the fabric around her wrists, making sure it was snug. Then he pulled the ends together in one of his hands, twisting it tight around his palm and knuckles, making a fist. Kenzie’s hands pulled back towards him, enough to make her gasp a little, enough for him to see the little strain in her arms; that’s enough for now, he thought. Back from the edge, not yet.

With his right hand, Duncan reached to where Kenzie had left the open jar of oil on the edge of his desk, dipping two fingers inside; he made sure there was a decent lather around them before he pulled them out, and then, slowly, carefully,his other hand still gripping the ribbon around his fist tightly, he trailed them down the small part of Kenzie’s back; she let out a little moaning cry that made him shut his eyes again, desperate to hold on; his fingers continued their trail down between her asscheeks, to the tight pucker of her asshole, and then he slipped one of his long fingers inside her, gently, but insistently. She moaned; Kenzie’s moan reverberated in his skull like the ache of a wet dream, his body beginning to prickle with energy, like a current rested just under his skin, snapping into motion; then he slipped the other finger in, and worked them in and out of her, his cock hovering near the entrance of her cunt, but not penetrating her; not yet.

“Do you like that, baby,” he whispered to her, feeling the frenzy rising under his blood, the hum of the lust building between his temples, in the pit of his stomach.

“Fuck yes, Duncan, yes,” Kenzie’s little voice rang out toward him, insistent, needy. “Put it inside me, I’m ready, fuck me hard like I know you want to, baby, I’m yours, I want you inside me so much, babyyy…”

Duncan couldn’t resist any longer; he pulled his fingers out of Kenzie’s tight little asshole, reaching over her for the plug, dipping it into the oil, carefully using his thumb and his palm to swirl it around the soft, rounded point. Then, he dragged it, softly, down her backside again; Kenzie writhed a little, making mewling, aching sounds that made him bite into his lip to quell the rising tide in his groin, and then he pushed the plug into her ass, demandingly; Kenzie bucked up, crying out, the desire in her voice making him pull the tight ribbon back harder, so she lifted up from the edge of his desk, into him, and at the same time, Duncan pressed his cock into Kenzie’s little cunt, his mouth falling down to her ear, crying into her in turn. She was soaking wet; his cock slid into her with terrible ease as he gasped into her neck, her head turned up, her golden hair tossed against him, her arms pulled back across his waist, his arm behind his back with the tightness with which he grasped her bound wrists, her eyes staring up at The Youth of Bacchus, glassy and full of gold, her mouth open wide with her moaning, and he saw starbursts behind his eyes as he tried to gather the fragments of himself to fuck her; he managed a few hard thrusts before he could no longer hold the gathering threads of his climax, and he came into her, all thought dissolving into whiteness, so hard that a scream tinged his voice, and he pulled his head down away from her ear so the sound wouldn’t hurt her, down her back, into her hair, worshipping the soft waves on his cheek, his nose, his eyelids, his lips.

“Duncan, fuck, fuuuuck, baby, fuck yes--” Kenzie moaned, her eyes fluttering open and closed; he pulled her neck softly back, his lips falling down on hers, his cock still buried, pulsing, dripping, deep inside her, his fist easing to let the ribbon down, his fingers coming around the harshness of the fabric pressed into her wrists, thumb gliding over her skin to soothe where it had chafed her. His hand went down from her neck, around her breasts, down her stomach, around her hip to where the plug was nestled tightly inside her; he pressed it gently, and she moaned again, her mouth open to him; “Sit on my cock now, baby, with this inside you, sit on my cock with my come inside you, tied up, pressed into me, staring at me and at it--”

“Yes,” Kenzie whispered, “yes. Yes, baby.” He leaned his mouth down to her again, and she sighed into him, her body shaking and flushed with warmth against him and so small in his hands and so soft and she smelled like flowering buds and nectar and low, sweet sweat in his arms. He pulled out of her, come falling down his thigh, trickling down the back of her leg in the low light, his hands at her wrists, rubbing them gently in their trappings, then pulled her carefully around the desk by the crooks of her elbows, smoothly so she wouldn’t fall, and he kneeled down in front of her, his back to the huge painting, her facing it, looking up at it with glittering eyes again, and his hands fell down her hips and on his knees, he pressed his face between the folds at the crux of her legs, his tongue probing into her clit, one of his hands coming around to her waist, the other around to where the plug was still snugly inside her ass, and he grasped the jeweled end and twisted it, easing it back and forth so she shuddered and moaned into him, her legs opening a little onto his face, her thighs trembling, her eyes flicking between him (he looked up at her, into her face) and the painting in its Bacchanalian bliss. Then, Duncan eased himself back, pulling his mouth away from her, gripping her hips, easing her down on top of him as he laid straight, back against the Persian rug on the floor of his study, her little knees on either side of his hip bones, her hands still tied behind her, a dazed look in her hazel eyes, her mouth open to him; he lifted a thumb between her lips, against her teeth, and she sucked at it, gently, then greedily, her little tongue swirling around the pad of his thumbprint, and he felt himself growing hard again, hard with the hungry look behind her gaze, hungry at the feeling of her mouth around his finger, the come dripping down her thigh. His other hand came up to press against her clit, wet from his mouth and her arousal and his come and the coconut oil; his dragged his fingers up and down the bundle of nerves there, down around the wetness of her cunt, to the plug in her tight little asshole, twisting it again, then back, and he felt his cock jump up against her backside, against the plug, and she shuddered and whimpered into his thumb. Duncan lifted the other hand back again, let it hover over her ass for a moment, then brought it down with a light slap; Kenzie let out a little half-gasp, half-giggle of glee, her eyes fluttering open and closed. “Do that again, more, baby,” she demanded. Duncan lifted his hand again, his palm and fingers flat, and brought it down again on the blush of her ass with pointed force; a sharp snap reverberated off her skin, and she gasped, more sharply this time, the glee gone out of her voice, replaced with urgency and want.

“I’m hard again, baby,” he whispered, his voice aching, his eyes watering involuntarily, his hands trembling against her impossibly soft skin, rubbing against her ass where he’d slapped her. “I want you.”

“I want you too, baby, I’m gonna ride you until you come again,” she replied, and she lifted her hips so her cunt met the head of his cock, and she lowered herself down onto him until he was buried in her, until he could feel the pressure of the plug in her ass rubbing achingly against his balls; Kenzie crying out piteously as it did, her hips bucking forward, sending white bolts of lighting through his body, into the dark space behind his eyes. She was so soft and so wet and so smooth against him that Duncan was moaning before he even realized; the sounds coming from him involuntary and desperate to have her, all of her. He brought his hand around her arms, gripping tightly around the ends of the ribbon again with his fist, forcing her roughly down onto him, grinding his hips up into her, and his fingers toyed with the plug so she keened and tossed her hair back, her neck bare and glowing in the low light, her nipples hard and her breasts checkered with goosebumps.

“You are more beautiful than any painting, Kenzie,” he whispered. “You’re more beautiful than any art ever created by any person in all human time, you’re more beautiful than anything I’ve ever seen, more beautiful to me than the stars, and I love you, I love you, I’d do anything for you--”

“I love you, Duncan, I love you too, baby--” Her hips were moving harshly into him, and he had to stop speaking, had to stop his frenzied admonitions of passion, his eyes rolling back into his head, his mouth opening at the sensation of her grinding down onto him this way, her head thrown back, her eyes heavy-lidded with her lust, her body gyrating mercilessly onto his cock, grinding him down into nothing, into a shell of himself, her need overwhelming, like an energy field made of the fragments of stars blown to the corners of the universe in their cosmic dust, and he felt as though her hands, or the secret hands of her soul, of her spirit, were reaching down into him and pulling him apart, pulling his soul into languid pieces that she was devouring, her power over him overwhelming in this moment, and he was happy to be devoured, being devoured by her this way was the only thing he had ever truly wanted, he felt, she was the goddess he wanted to be beholden to, the goddess he would lay his passions down at the altar of, until the end of time.

And then Kenzie looked down into his eyes; he could see the power coiled inside them, gold like stars in far-flung cosmic radiance, and she said “come for me, beloved,” and he did, up into the sweetness between her hips, the void of the space inside her, came so hard he left himself behind again for a moment, knowing nothing, unto death, but that she was here with him, and he belonged to her, and he knew with certainty in that moment that she belonged to him, too, as two pieces of the same soul belong always to each other and cannot be kept asunder, and she shuddered as she came, too, down onto him, her cunt gripping his length with a strength that shook every drop of his release out of him, her lips twisting into yes, yes, yes, my love, and there was nothing else.

------

Duncan tenderly untied the ribbon around Kenzie’s wrists, soothing her arms around to him, bringing his mouth against the redness where they’d chafed her, his heart aching at the marks they’d left. “Are you okay, baby, are you okay?” He held the redness against his cheek, up to his face, as if he could soothe the marks away with his skin, with his breath. “I’m fine, baby, it’s okay, I wanted you to do it, it was perfect, it was just what I wanted, you made me feel so fucking good, baby,” she whispered up to him, her fingers falling along his bottom lip. “You did so fucking good, baby,” she said, and he smiled into her, his eyes falling over her, his love for her overwhelming him like a wave crashing onto a vast shore.

“Let’s take a shower, baby,” he murmured into her hand, and she nodded. When they were in the quiet of the immaculate bathroom, Kenzie grasped his hand gently, leaning over the sink, lifting her backside to him, bringing it to the jeweled handle of the plug still inside her--he knew innately to gently pull as she pushed it out of her, and he set it in the bowl of the sink, turning the faucet on over it, using hot water, almost scalding, to rinse it, her hands coming around him, squeezing soap onto her palms and bringing them around his hands, caressing them and the plug gently with the suds until it was clean of all residue and oil.

“Baby...Kenzie. Did you love someone before me?”

The question had slipped out of him before he realized it; her little arms were still around him, reaching up to turn the faucet off, setting the plug gently on the side of the sink, her little wet hands slipping back around him so she moved beside him now, looking up at him, curious, her eyes bright with the residue of her orgasm, sweat at the baby hairs around her forehead, her hair hanging down her shoulders, tossed and tangled in their passion. He could see the glitter of his come, now drying, on the inside of her thigh, under the rise of her round ass, pink from his attentions. She reached out for his hand; Duncan grasped it, and Kenzie didn’t say anything, only continued to look at him as he gently pulled her into the shower, twisting the silver knob, hot water falling down his back and against her thighs as she continued to stare at him with that brightness boring into him.

“I was just...thinking. Today. About the people I’d known before you. And I wondered if you had loved someone before. And how it felt. And how, for me...this feels different.” Duncan gently moved his hands down her frame, soothing the hot water against it, cocking his head just a little, his eyes roving over her face (I want to memorize every detail of it, the little curves of her lips, the dips of her cheeks, the way her nose turns up just a little, defiant, the exact arrangements of the flecks of color in her eyes), hungry for words from her, hungry for those strange flashes of her thoughts he imagined he could hear sometimes. Kenzie turned so her back was to him, to the water, a tiny moan escaping from her throat as the heat seeped down her neck and back and ass, soothing the soreness and the stings of their fucking, washing away the come and the sweat and the oil. Still, she didn’t speak. Duncan pressed his face into the wetness of her hair, hands on her arms now, bringing his mouth down to her ear. She moved back, into him, turning her head towards him over her shoulder, her eyes closed, her hands around her arms, fingers threading through his.

“I did, once.” Kenzie finally spoke, so soft it was almost inaudible, and Duncan held her, quietly, lost in the smell and feeling of her, heart swollen with the intensity of the love he felt for her in this moment, listening to her little voice and the fall of the water and the soft swirl of it around the drain. “Just once. When I was still at college. His name was Tyler. He was going to be a pediatrician. We were together for three years. And--and it didn’t feel like this at all. It was...quieter. So much quieter. It was like...a little stream in a forest. And this is like the ocean. Endless and so deep and so far and so much...and so immediate. So much that it scares me. So much...”

The One, he thought. She didn’t need to say it. My other half. Soulmates. The One. You are the universe, the beginning, and the end. The only One.

Kenzie turned to face him again, looking up into his eyes, to his mouth, down his sex, now limp from post-coitus, to his feet and the shower floor, her hands coming up to press her little fingertips into his belly, softly. “And you? Tell me. Who you loved before.” He loved the little crown of her head, wet and glittering with water, loved the pressure of the little pads of her fingertips, loved her little feet, one pressing against the other for a moment, her little tick, like a ballerina.

“There were two. One while I was at Columbia. Misha. She was a TA. It just...happened. She was older than me and seemed to understand so much more about life. She’s a professor there now. And...Evan. He lives in LA now. Neither really ended badly...they just...faded.”

Kenzie nodded at him. “I had a feeling you...had been with a man before. With men. I...I wanted to tell you, I’ve never been with a woman, but...I think I would have. If I’d met the right one. You know? I just...wanted to tell you that.”

“I understand, baby. If you still want that--”

Kenzie shook her head. “Duncan, I only want you. Because this…”

“This is our destiny.” He pressed his hands up against the sides of her cheeks, pressing his nose against hers, the steam rising around them now, as if to shield them from the eyes of the world. “This is Fate. To have found you, Mackenzie, is a miracle. But it...feels like it was meant to happen.”

“Yes,” and he could hear the tears in her voice, see the trembling of her bottom lip. “Yes.”

He kissed her again, his thumbs coming to the corners of her eyes (hot tears or the water, it doesn’t matter, I want to cry, too, just for a little while), the relief of having found her in a world of billions shaking him to the core again, her little arms cradling into him, and then he pulled her little face into that space under his arm, against his skin, and he felt the hot tears course down his cheek as they held each other, he could feel the soft beating of her heart against his stomach, could feel the hot tears falling from her eyes down his arm, and they stood under the water that way for a long time, only able to hold each other, and to cry, tears mingling and washing away down the drain, melding to the water, down and out to the sea.

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hitominyo · 5 years

Text

Talent Show

I had to wait for a computer to finally post this in here since I still don’t know how to use the app well. Anywho, this is my first work and I’m reaaally anxious and insecure but I’m still pulling it out here. Comments are well recieved and if there is something that it’s spelled wrong or it just looks wrong, please tell me? English is not my first language. Enjoy!

The song I used as inspiration and as part of the story is ’Let it be me’ of Ava Max. Especially the acoustic version. Here is the link from youtube: https://youtu.be/CPpBDxhx-ws

**************

Marco sighs. He is looking through a small gap between the curtains from behind the stage. There was a lot more people than he initially thought it would be. To say that he was nervous was an understatement. He was terrified . Why would he do this to himself? Oh, right. One of his best friends asked him to do it.

Her friend Star Butterfly is the creative manager of this establishment and when she came to his house a month ago carrying a large bowl of his favorite freshly handmade cookies of that bakery from the other side of the city his soul was sold. He had learned a long time ago that trying to say no to the blonde was just delaying the inevitable, but that didn’t mean he didn’t put on a fight. Her friend asked him to play and sing for the Talent Show she was organizing since she needed a at least 4 interested people on performing to make it credible for her bosses and she only needed one more.

Marco has been playing his guitar since he was a little boy, but didn’t have much experience at playing in front of audiences. He didn’t have stage fright, but it still made him nervous and self-conscious when others aside from his close friends and family watched him perform. Overall it made him uneasy play the song he decided on, since the lyrics were made with someone very specific in mind.

*******

Tom stared at the door in front of him thinking for the last time if this was a good idea. He has been locked up in his apartment for the last three weeks since his last break up. Just remembering it made him feel that horrible pain in his chest. Like a big and dark space that made him feel hollow. The embarrassment, the treason, the rejection, the feeling of not being enough to deserve love.

He sighed. But. There was someone who needed his support that night. Someone who has been helping him each and every day after his most recent heartbreak. Marco was the first to know about the break up with her now ex-girlfriend. He remembered how he found her with another man on THEIR bed that fateful day when he left his work early to surprise her for their 2nd year anniversary. The fight has been quick but none the less hurtful. Some screaming, objects being thrown to the floor and tears. Mostly from Tom. The first thing he thought to do after he kicked her ex out from his apartment was to call the boy he's been friends with since they were 15. It took the other to listen to his quavery tone to know he needed to be there as soon as possible.

It took the Latino not even 20 minutes to arrive to his front door. Impressive considering it's almost impossible to get that fast to anywhere with the traffic at that hour. Not even that, he was carrying a few bags full of food and beverages that he knew were the homeowner’s favorites. Tom, who had been crying the whole time, wasted no time to hug him with all his might making his friend lose some of his balance but avoiding by little to drop the things he was carrying. After a minute of convincing from the brunette who had managed to pass all the things to one of his hands, he used the other to awkwardly hug his friend, they made it to the couch closing the door behind them.

Marco had listened all the taller one had to say and took the responsibility to take care of him since he knew he could do so much to make the other feel better. They drank and they ate so much ice cream it was hard for the smaller one to take his friend to bed, taking the couch for himself. The following days were no better for Tom, the pain still fresh and the inevitable reunion with the woman who broke his heart to come back for her stuff accompanied with no other but the one he was cheated with. Marco kept on visiting every night sometimes bringing food for his friend to eat since he knew the other wouldn't make for himself, sometimes to clean the place and others to practically wash the filth from the guy that couldn't even begin to care about his own self been. He even stayed some night by the taller one’s request, sometimes sharing the bed.

For his best friend to take care of him in such a pathetic time in his life, the less he could do was to support him in this night that he knew the other was incredibly nervous about. Even when the brunette didn't asked him to go, (because he is an angel and would never ask for something in return for his actions) he was invited by their blond and enthusiastic friend to support him as a favor for her. It wasn't a hard decision.

With a jacket on one of his hands and his keys on the other, he exited the warm and safety that his home provided to enter the dreaded outside world.

*******

Star went from place to place around the coffee shop with an energy everybody who didn't know her enough would assume was the result of an unlimited supply of energy drinks and pure coffee. The girl was ecstatic to see the great attendance for her first event, hoping there would be a lot more in the future. But it wasn't a surprise, she used every bit of her energy to share her Talent Show around the city and social network until an hour before it started. Even now she was broadcasting with the help of her girlfriend, Janna. Who was also in charge of the music between presentations and lights.

Marco's was the opening act, but she was trying to delay it as much as possible to give his second best friend the opportunity to watch him from the start. Star was done watching their relationship as a mere spectator, she was taking matters on her own hands. While she was talking with one of the contestants she felt a slight vibration on her right pocket and after a second of confusion looked around for her girlfriend at the other side of the room who was showing her two thumbs up.

”That's the signal!” the blond one exclaimed. ”Ok, everyone! You know where to go, just like in the rehearsal!” Screamed the girl running from people to people until she was in front of her best friend. After a very tight hug to the sick looking 22-year-old boy, she shared a big excited smile with him. ”Come on, Marco! You've been practicing since forever! You are going to do awesome!!”

”Star… I don't know if I can do this…” Said the terrified boy trying to look through the curtains for the 50th time that night. Her friend rapidly blocked his way to try not to spoil her very well planned surprise.

”Marco Ubaldo Diaz!” Started the blond with a severe tone on her voice. ”You are the most talented person I've ever met. And I went to art school!” Remarked Star raising both her eyebrows. She put an accusatory finger on the other's chest. ”You have a gift worth sharing and you've been keeping it to yourself long enough” Changing her expression to a sweeter one she lifted her hand to pat the other on his shoulder. ”I’m always going to be with you and all of your family is here to support you as well.”

This made the male smile. He was aware his parents were coming and were probably standing on the first row with their cameras to try to record every second of his presentation. ”Thank you, Star…” He was about to give her a hug when something clicked on his head. His family wasn’t just the ones related to blood for the both of them. ”Wait. Everyone?” Not waiting another second he opened a small gap between the curtains looking for somebody he didn't take too long to sight talking with the blonde’s girlfriend. ”Star! What did you DO?” Asked the taller one with desperation taking the other by the shoulders to shake her.

”Oh, stop that!” Star said removing herself from the other's grip wearing an amused smile. ”This is the perfect time. He actually got out from his actual comfort zone to be here FOR you!” The accusatory finger made it reappearance again with a vengeance. ”You know this is what you have to do, Marco. Or you will regret it for the rest of your life.”

The pep talk from her friend did little for that dreadful feeling in his guts, but he knew she was right. It's been too long keeping his feeling inside of him. They were completely obvious and had put him in various awkward talks with every person he cares about. With the exception of the one he love, who seems to be completely oblivious to them. Seriously, how could be someone so dense?

Marco hasn't been subtle, he even had planned a lot of confessions. But as the perfectionist he is, he needed the perfect time to do it. And everytime he spends with Tom are either so distracting he forget about his plans or trying to be the best comforter he could be. His friend has a point, even if it wasn't planned by him, this was it.

Breathing deeply and closing his eyes tightly he made his decision. With only a nod from the taller one, the girl left him to enter the stage greeting everybody in the audience enthusiastically.

*******

Tom had arrived at the packed place 5 minutes ago looking for any person he could recognize. Instead, he heard his name being shouted from his left. Janna was behind a table brimming to the top with all kinds of electronics and wires waving one of her hands lazily over her head for the boy to see her. With a little difficulty, he approached his friend asking for the people on his way to move politely. ”Hey, you!” Says the taller one once he was by her side.

The girl with the beanie, putting away her mobile on her back pocket looked to her front to the stage making a thumbs up gesture over her head. ”Sorry. Hey, man! You came just in time for the show!” Greets Janna directing her attention to the other before going back to the console in the table in front of her. ”How have you been?” Asked while dimming the lights of the coffee shop and the music at the time she was directing a white light to the middle of the stage controlling everything from a computer connected to all the other gadgets.

”Well, you know.” Paused the 23-year-old to his friend. ”Going.” He watched to the stage as her other friend, Star, walked to the front of the stage greeting the audience with her cheerful tone.

”That’s enthusiastic.” Said sarcastically the girl by his side looking at him sideways. ”But I'm sure you will feel better soon, don't worry.” She says with a strange smile now looking at the other turning her head completely to him before going back to her job as the first contestant was announced. ”Well, look at that.” The room now quieter than before stared at the front as a boy with his guitar took his place in front of the microphone. She could see how the expression from the other changed drastically to a happier one as he saw his best friend.

”Hey, ummm… I'm Marco Diaz.” The brunette presented himself looking a little flustered and searching for something or someone in the audience. After hearing a loud cheer from the back of the room and others followed from it his eyes found the ones of his most precious friend. He took a deep breath and continued. ”And this song is called ’Let it be me’, I hope you like it.” The blue haired girl smiled broadly as the last part seemed to be directed at the confused man on her right. This was going to be great, she thought.

*******

When you're faded and alone

And need somebody on the phone

Let it be me, let it be me

As the melodious voice of his best friend starts the song, the sound of his guitar came next in a slow tempo. Marco started to play when they were in school and he almost didn't need to look where his finger have to be on the guitar’s strings. Tom couldn't ignore the intense look the brunette was directed to him as the other performs as it was just the two of them in the room. Something inside of the taller one that he thought he had been buried inside of him was starting to emerge.

When she leaves you in the rain

You need a high to kill the pain

Let it be me, let it be me

The memories from the past weeks flooded his mind only remembering the moments the singer was there for him. Giving him his undivided attention. Only to make him feel better. To show him how much he cares.

And I'll show you love the way it's supposed to be

Tom felt how his heart stopped beating at the moment that sentence was said. Watching how sincere the performer's eyes were against his own. ’It couldn't be…’ though the pink haired man.

Summer days, winter nights

Ride or die, right by you side

Killing time 'till you're ready to see I'm all you need

The beat of his guitar started to pick up making the people in the audience to start clapping trying to follow the rhythm. This made the performer smile a little breaking their eye contact to look around the room and give them a little love too. But it didn't last long since by the second part they were there to find the ones of the one he loves the most.

You're a drunk, you're a fool

I'm insane, so right for you

When the ship goes down

Look in your dreams, that's where I'll be

Tom could sense the playful tone on his friend's voice as the lyrics progressed and it made him smile stupidly. Making him feel so many things at the same time it seems impossible for a person.

And I ne-ne-ne-need you

Breath in. Breath out

And I la-la-la-la-love ya

A gasp. This time his heart definitely stopped and he knew the way that phrase was said was different from the times it has been pronounced before.

But I wanna-wanna-wanna-wanna

Just stay the night

He remembered all the times they spent on sleepovers since they met each other. All the sleepless nights just talking about anything and everything. How easy it has been to share with the brunette those things he wouldn't say to anybody else. How sometimes they would share the same bed to stay as close as possible because it felt right...

When you're faded and alone

And need somebody on the phone

Let it be me, let it be me

How could it be that even as he could see how nervous his best friend was he could still sing about something so intimate as these feelings? Tom couldn't believe the person on stage was actually the same one he saw blushing and stuttering when too much attention was on him.

When she leaves you in the rain

You need a high to kill the pain

Let it be me, let it be me

There was no doubt the taller one's face was brighter than the lights facing the stage at the other side of the room. It seemed as his whole body was on fire, feeling how he was producing more heat than he needed.

And I'll show you love the way it supposed to be

Tom felt like he was drowning. Drowning in something so rare he believed he could never deserve. The heat on his chest was pleasant and suffocating at the same time.

Ta-da-da-da, da-da-da-da, da-da-da-ta-da-da-da

The listeners around the room that have been swaying and raising their phones to create their own lights were starting to clap to the beat again making some encouraging sounds to the performer's passion on every bit of his song. Tom couldn't notice any of this as he was completely enthralled by the one on the stage.

Ta-da-da-da, da-da-da-da, da-da-da-ta-da-da-da

The pink haired man looked how the one stealing his attention enjoyed the way others were responding to him, even how his flushed face shows that anxiousness he couldn't hide completely. The singers focus fluctuating between his friend and the rest of the room.

And I ne-ne-ne-need you

Hearing again that phrase made the taller one sigh feeling how he was falling completely to the one on stage’s feet. He just couldn't care to keep any of his walls up when this moment was happening in front of his eyes.

And I la-la-la-la-love you

A stupid smile and an even brighter face made him lift up his hands to his cheeks to try to hide a little his expression. But he knew he wasn't changing the fact that his best friend could see every one of his emotions as clear as they were his own. Even if they were so far from each other.

But I wanna-wanna-wanna-wanna

Just stay the night

He just couldn't imagine wanting to ever be apart from the one that was serenading him with such emotion and sincerity. He just wanted to go to him and intoxicate in his eyes. To hug him as close as it was possible and even tighter than that.

When you're faded and alone

And need somebody on the phone

Let it be me, let it be me

Oh, how he wants to kiss him. How he NEEDS to kiss him.

When she leaves you in the rain

You need a high to kill the pain

Let it be me, let it be me

He just couldn't remember a time where it was anybody else but Marco. He is his past, present and future. There couldn't be anyone else. It has always been him, Tom realized as he saw how the last chords of the guitar where strummed.

And I'll show you love the way it supposed to be

It was said as a promise and he just knew it was something both of them were very excited to experience.

*******

Their thoughts were interrupted by the deafening noise from all the one's present in the room that seems even more packed than before. Marco felt as if pulled out from a trance as the cheering made him realize where he actually was. And flushing a bright red made a small reverence to the excited listeners that seemed to be more vocal by every second. He saw how the louder ones, that were throwing him flowers, were his own parents. The hostess entered the stage again to stand beside his best friend hugging him sideways to evade knocking the other’s guitar. Star took the microphone to encourage the audience to be even louder for him. It passed almost a whole minute until she had to call for the people to settle down a little so they could go on with the night.

*******

”Hey.” Tom jumped as he remembered he was in the company of one of his friends. Just the one that would never let him forget how silly he most look in that moment. With a smug smile on her face, she seemed to enjoy the surprise and self-consciousness the boy was sharing unwillingly with her. ”So, what are you doing here?”

”Uh?” Says eloquently the taller one receiving a loud laugh from the other.

”Shouldn't you be looking for your man to tell him how much you want to suck his face?” Tom felt how his face erupted again in a furious blush. ”Take that door and walk until the end of the hallway. You can't miss it.” Says the girl winking at him and giving him a push to the door she was referring behind the coffee bar at her left.

*******

As they exited the stage letting the next performer take their place, the two friends took a little turn to arrive at the deserted small staff room that only had a table, a couple of chairs and a pantry with a coffee machine on top. The male had to sit down. He didn't notice until that moment that his legs felt like noodles. ”Oh, my lord! You were so cool, Marco! I knew you could do it!” Said the hyper girl now standing in front of him to take the guitar from the other and place it on an adjacent wall by their side. ”Did you see how everybody loved you?! I told you you were going to be a hit!” Squealed the blonde girl giving him another big hug now that there was nothing preventing her to do it properly. He heard his friend laughing while returning the gesture but got worried when she felt something wet on her shoulder. ”Marco?! What is it?!” Asked the shorter one using her scarf to try to dry his friend's tears.

”Star… I can't believe I did it…” His voice small and the adrenaline he felt before was draining quickly from his body. Her friend smiled at him again, this time softer and full of pride for the brunette. ”What's going to happen now? I can't just go back to how things were before now…” Everything seems so uncertain for him. The fear starting to settle inside of him like wildfire. They heard the other entrance of the room opening behind Marco’s back. By the smile rapidly forming in his friend’s face in front of him, he knew exactly who it was.

”Well, pretty boys! I have to go back out there to keep the party going.” Singsonged the cheery girl taking her scarf back and started to walk to the door where they previously entered the room before. She opened it and sent kisses to their direction before exiting the place closing it behind her. She gave herself a pat on her back and continued her journey to the place where her attention was needed.

*******

Tom felt breathless and had to stay a moment just looking at the door in front of him. Taking a well-needed breath, he opened it finding two figures on the center of the small room. One of them being the person he was looking for. He watched that the other was saying something to them but couldn't focus on her. His brain not processing anything anymore. As the blonde left the room he took another step and closed the door behind him directing his attention to the other men in the room.

They could hear the noise of the audience applauding another performer muffled by the thick walls. Marco felt as his body was suddenly made of stone and his heart was dangerously trying to escape from his chest. He heard slow but intent steps getting closer to him and a new set of tears left his treacherous eyes. Marco closes his eyes tightly lifting one of his hands to try to get rid of them.

”Marco, why are you crying?” His best friend asked kneeling in his front giving him a worried gaze. He felt the other take his lifted hand preventing it for the brunette to hide. Sighing he opened his eyes founding the taller one looking at him as he was afraid he might break at any moment. This made him let out a short laugh, feeling silly.

”Sorry.” The worry in the other features turned into something akin to annoyance which in turn frightened him. He was opening his mouth again when he saw how the other straightened his bac to match their heights so their faces were in front of each other and placing his free hand on the shorter one’s cheek. He let out a sigh he didn't know he was holding and looked something in the other’s eyes that surprised him.

”I'm the one that should be saying that, Marco...” Tom’s gaze traveled around his friend entire face like he was looking at him for the first time. ”You already said what you had to say. Now it's my turn.” The pink-haired men connected their sights once more. ”I'm sorry.” He paused. ”I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner that I've been in love with you since we met.” At the surprised look in the other’s face, he traced his jawline feeling the roughness of the beginning of a stubble. ”And I don't mean… When we first met. That was… Unfriendly, to say the least.” Tom letting out an awkward laugh and Marco smiling softly. ”But, when I actually met you. When we started to talk and share and spend time together… I just knew I never wanted to be apart from you ever again.” This was said with such conviction and sincerity the brunette felt like crying again. Like he was in a dream. ”At the time I was too stupid to understand what that feeling was and I just associated it to friendship, since I never really had one before.”

”Marco, you definitely are my best friend. But you are also the one that stole my heart.” He could see how new tears were emerging from the one in front of him and move closer to kiss just above his eyebrow. ”I was so afraid you might found out about it. I had to keep as much distance from you as you would let me.” He intertwined their finger and moved his other hand to the back of Marco’s head feeling his soft hair between his fingers while leaning his chin on the others shoulder. ”I started dating people trying to find a connection. Frightened that if I showed you too much I might lose you.”

The shorter one squeezed their grasp and used his free hand to the others shoulder to make a little bit of distance between them to look into his partner eyes. After sharing a watery smile he spoke. ”You are so dumb.” The playful tone clear in this voice, but also a bit of exasperation. They laughed shortly but with contentment.

”I know.” Says the older standing up since his legs were starting to feel numb. He pulled the other to do the same placing his now free hand on the small of his back. ”May I kiss you?” Asked the taller one moving closer to join their foreheads together with an intense look that almost looked hungry.

The other laughed quietly. ”I'm going to be really mad if you don't.” He says unlocking their hands to hug him around his neck and raising himself a little to make it easier for them to join. He didn't wait much longer as the pink-haired one made a small humming noise before pushing their lips together softly. Tilting his head to the side to fit better against each other.

They moved slowly enjoying the moment both of them have been waiting for. Tom felt electricity and fire at the first touch of their lips. His legs wanting to give up. Luckily he had the grip on the other's body to steady himself. His free hand traveling up the brunette’s back to keep him close. Almost afraid he might lose him or wake up from a dream suddenly.

The shorter one was the first to pull back after a minute to look at the other enjoying the confusion in his best friend’s face. He took a moment to appreciate his flushed skin. His brown eyes that look almost red under the sun. The freckles like constellation on his cheeks, nose, forehead, and neck that he knew made him feel self-conscious when they were younger. The makeup that he wears so confident every day even when he doesn't need to leave the house. His pink hair that is starting to show his natural ginger color at the roots. ”Hey.” Those rosy lips said to him, making him smile a little broader. ”What is it?” The curiosity present on his smooth voice.

”Just thinking.” Was his response starting to play with the short hair on the other’s nape. At the arched brow and the small quirk on the corners of his lips, he decided end his suffering for a real answer. ”How lucky I am.” He heard the instant laugh noticing a little embarrassment in it and observed how that blush grew a little more reaching the top of his pierced ears.

”That's so cheesy!” His laugh getting louder and louder by the second.

”I know you are a sucker for that.” Came back the younger one, infected by the other and letting out his own guffaw.

”Oh, my God! Why did I have to fall in love with my best friend?!” The taller one couldn't stop, almost doubling over by the amusing banter between them. Taking a few steps against the other to push him to the table behind him. ”What was I thinking?” Asked a little breathless trying to calm down with little success.

”You weren't. Sorry.” He sat down on the edge of the furniture pulling the other by the neck starting to kiss his face in a random pattern, trying to reach every spot in it.

Putting a hand in the middle of the younger’s back the other pushed him a little more to also kiss him were his lips landed still laughing, but a little calmer.

They definitely looked like a pair of mad men.

”I love you, Marco Diaz.” Was whispered against the shorter one’s ear, making him let a pleased whimper out.

”I love you, Tom Lucitor.” Was his response before kissing the tip of his nose connecting their gazes again.

[Later that night they were found making out in that table by a pair of amused girls and the parents of the younger. One of the first ones with a cellphone on her hand.]

#tomco #tomarco #marco diaz #tom lucitor #fanfiction #fluff #some angst #like just a little #love confessions #janstar #matchmaker star butterfly #send help #please

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