#listen...two characters can be very smart but also idiots about a very specific situation

[galadae]

me: bad communication as a trope is so annoying and often badly done bc a lot of people have enough common sense to avoid it

also me: but what if i used it bc it was funny

[cinnamonest]

I feel like I’ve found my kin, I fell in love with Kakashi when I was like 8 LOL. Can I request some general yandere Zoro headcanons btw? I loved/still love him too 😶

Yes you may ahhh!!!! I love Zoro so much. I love writing for fandoms like this bc shounen anime are... Well, shounen, they're aimed at dudes, so they tend to not have as large of a female audience so there's not a lot of content out there. I love Luffy and there's like zero girl-targeted content for him. I swear I've spent so much time looking for wholesome, decent LuNa (my otp im sorry i just hhhh) doujins that aren't super male-oriented, and there's like... 2. For a 900+ episode anime. 2.

I also love the concept of a yandere in a situation where they CAN'T kidnap you, they're limited by their circumstances, so they have to kind of adjust or go insane. It's an interesting dynamic because it eliminates the norm for yanderes.

I think I mentioned this but I'm not 100% caught up with one piece (I mean, who is?), so I'm just keeping it simplistic and going with kinda basic Zoro and nothing with specific character developments or any spoilers other than his backstory

Yandere Roronoa Zoro (One Piece)

Tws: all the usuals -- yandere, noncon, kidnapping

He meets you while he's lost. I'm sorry I just. Zoro gets lost in the middle of some place they're docked, and you're just such a sweetheart, you see this guy clearly not knowing where he's going, and offer to help him. He's kind of taken aback by your softness and sweetness.

He's not easily made aware of his own feelings. He's a rough and tough sort of guy, and he has dedicated himself to swordsmanship so much that he's neglected to focus on himself and his interpersonal relationships, and he's not really self aware at all of his own feelings, very out of touch with his emotions.

Obviously, even if he tries to shove it down, Kuina weighs heavily on his mind in relation to you. He's another man that has known loss and it's dealt its damage on his psyche. He can't lose another person who's dear to him again.

This results in him becoming insanely protective, one of the most protective yans out there. He's easily one led into paranoia delusions regarding your safety. However, he's an honest and reasonable guy and can be level-headed when confronted. If someone (not yourself, as he thinks you're naive, but maybe another girl like Nami or Robin) tells him he's being overprotective and exaggerating about your safety, he may actually have a moment of self-realization and admit to it. He's capable of being reasonable enough to see it once it's pointed out to him. However... this doesn't stop him. He tries, really, he genuinely tells himself that he needs to stop. But his instincts just kind of take over. It's an impulse, to stop you from doing even the most slightly dangerous things.

Once you join the Straw Hat Crew, he just kinda... clings. It's a silent presence, but he's always there, constantly seems to show up wherever you are. Unfortunately, you can't really... get away from him per se. You're kinda limited to one ship, at least as long as you're out on the sea. Your only option for respite is going to your room or bathing, otherwise, he's gonna follow you, even if he's not saying anything and (very badly) trying to feign indifference, pretending you just happen to be going the same way all the time. He doesn't really know what to say, he's not good with these things, and often he's acting without really thinking too much about it. He won't usually strike up a conversation, he just... is there. Watches. May awkwardly ask a question or make a passing comment.

One scenario I imagine is you jokingly picking up one of his swords and wielding it around giggling and he just flips out, takes it from you and yells at you not to do that, are you an idiot? Do you want to trip and fall and have that impale you? Do you realize how easy it would be for you to slice your arm open by accident? It's startling to both you and anyone watching -- even for someone who gets yell-y as easily as him, it seems like an overreaction. He'll apologize but insist it's a safety thing, really.

And he really tries to hide his more... aggressive nature, because he thinks it will drive you away -- he's a blunt, tough guy with a short-fused temper, and he thinks that's definitely not something women like very much. He tries not to yell at you, not get mad so easy, keep his calm better around you, and might even be nicer to others so that you don't think he's mean. And for the most part, he can manage that. Except when it comes to a very specific, very problematic blonde crew member. His little conflicts with Sanji get worse, to even a point that he's snapping at him so frequently that even Sanji himself is a bit bewildered and caught off guard by it. The others notice they fight a lot more often... and Zoro always seems to instigate it, picking quarrels over the littlest things. In reality, he's afraid of the other's... sleazy nature. He can't have you falling for that bastard. He even starts to get jittery when you're in the presence of Franky, Usopp, hell even Luffy of all people. It's noticeable, and everyone kinda worries for him.

He kicks himself for it as soon as he does it, but he finds himself insulting you nonetheless. It's a terrible habit. He gets so awkward and flustered that it's second nature for him to say something snarky or even rude when you talk to him, and he immediately is just mentally screaming at himself for doing so. This will get a bit better with time, though, if you two talk more often.

Now, even if you can fight, you're never gonna really get the opportunity. In battle, he's clinging to you and protecting you at every moment, even if it costs the others some unnecessary wounds. It's highly uncharacteristic of him, and they notice. He won't leave your side, insisting that you're a weak fighter and that he has to take care of you. You just don't get it, you overestimate yourself, you underestimate your enemies, you're a girl. What, Nami and Robin? Well, they've been at this much longer than you, and they had rough upbringings. You're different. You're soft... fragile. You just can't see it. You're lucky he's here to protect your dumbass.

Due to your setup, well, he can't really kidnap you per se. He undoubtedly would if you two were somewhere else, in another life or another setting, but that's not really an option, and even as a yandere, he would never go so far as to kill or abandon his crew. So, he's stuck with just... slowly, slowly mentally deteriorating.

Now, he's not capable of kidnapping, he's not smart enough to really manipulate you into anything (although he WILL tell you that some of the other guys are out to use you), so, he's left to be the guard dog he inevitably becomes to you. If you avoid him, he'll just follow you. If you don't talk to him, that's ok. If you confront him, he'll just insist he has no idea what you're talking about, and you'll start to feel like maybe you're just paranoid. The others... don't really know what to do, to be honest. I can see Nami/Robin potentially confronting him, but in the end, they can't force him to change his behaviors, and they can't afford to lose him. This results in, gradually, everyone slowly kind of accepting your dynamic onboard. They feel bad for you, really, but... in the end, Zoro's just more valuable to the crew. Sorry. They're not gonna get rid of him, but they don't want to get rid of you either.

If you leave? It may just be one of the very very few things that could ever cause him to leave the Strawhats. It would tear him up, really, it goes against his dreams, his pride, his loyalty, but in the end... his loyalty is first and foremost to you. He'll follow you if you leave. It's a bad move on your part, because this gets rid of the only thing standing between you and kidnapping. Which, at that point, surely will happen. Like his other behaviors, he'll feel bad, he'll try and stop himself, tell himself it's wrong, but you'll end up bound in some dark basement nonetheless. He's one to take a very simple approach. Find you alone, sling you up and over his shoulder and carry you off before anyone can come.

Rejection doesn't faze him. No matter what, he'll remain by your side. Even if you never love him in return. It's just his nature, he's a guardian through and through.

In the end, he'll be right there by your side, scaring off any competitors, clinging to you like glue, ever in your presence like a shadow, forever. Whether you want him to or not. He's just an inescapable force, an unmovable object, and you're wasting your time trying to change your fate.

Now, he's very flustered with anything sexual. Highly embarrassed, lots of shame, and doesn't talk much about it. It just kind of happens. He doesn't talk much during, mostly grunts and the occasional fuck when you clamp down, occasionally asking you if you're ok, if it hurts, if it feels good. It's one of the only very soft sides of him. In the end, he really, truly loves you, and doesn't want to hurt you, he wants you to feel good and just love him. It's a very different side to him, one no one else has ever really seen, it's the most vulnerable he himself has ever been with another person.

He feels shame for it, but initially he'll definitely be one to steal your things, sit outside of your room at night, listening to you through the wall, try and get glimpses of you bathing or dressing. He really, really feels guilty, and he's one that will, once you're comfortably restrained and never going anywhere, just sit down and list out every nasty little thing he's ever done regarding you, just to get it off his chest. He understands if you react badly, and he'll apologize, which is a bit ironic considering how much worse kidnapping you is.

He'll apologize for that, too. He's actually one to do so a lot. He's normally a proud guy, but with this? He knows it's wrong, he knows it's fucked up. He knows he can't stop. And he'll be sorry to the moon and back. Just never sorry enough to stop.

He's actually a pretty vanilla guy. Hand-holding missionary type. And, despite being so embarrassed over it all, oddly romantic about it. It's one of the only things he's ever soft and gentle about, it's almost unbelievable to you that he's capable of being so gentle and slow with anything. But he'll kiss your forehead, really take his time with it all, make you cum on his fingers before ever actually fucking you. Hold your hand, look into your eyes. It would be honestly incredibly sweet if it weren't... you know, taking place in some dark sealed off room after dragging you there against your will.

If he's particularly mad, he can get rougher, but he'll apologize after. It's a lot of harsh grabbing, biting, it leaves bruises that he'll rub over softly, whispering an apology, even if a little part of him likes the way it looks on you.

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Recaps - Volume 8 “War”

Hello, everyone! Story time.

Yesterday food was delivered for my two idiot dogs (they’re thrilled about it) but, because it was delivered by Fed Ex, shenanigans were bound to ensue. These particular shenanigans involved realizing that the food had not been left at the front door like tracking said it had. Instead, it was down the very long driveway by the mailbox. Specifically, it was on a low wall beside the mailbox, currently inaccessible due to a mound of plowed snow.

Now, how the delivery guy managed to get it there I’ll never know, but given that our postal system is currently killing itself to get us our Amazon orders for Christmas, I shrugged, let it go, and resigned myself to lifting an 18 pound bag plus box over that snow without dying. Which meant that in reality I just dragged it, uncaring what bumps the bag might accumulate along the way. What are the dogs gonna do? Complain about presentation?

Snow successfully circumvented; I was home free!

… until I was lifting the box into the car, hit a patch of black ice, and was suddenly looking up at the sky, my right hip and leg screaming.

I’m fine. Bruised, but fine. It’s 2020. Did I expect to not fall? C’mon, Clyde. Be sensible.

The reason I'm telling you all this is because falling on ice at 10:00pm with an oversized bag of dog food was less painful than watching this episode. 

I jest... but only a little. To be fair to RWBY, it admittedly wasn't painful in any new way. Everything that's a problem this week has been a problem for years now: confusing motivations, changing semblances, unpersuasive character beats, etc. So in some ways this episode — especially as a hiatus episode — is rather underwhelming. I expected RWBY to do something big before taking six weeks off, but this episode simply set the (unstable) stage for what's to come. With the exception of Ren, nothing changed this episode, which makes for a rather "Okay..." note to end on. It's not inherently bad, it's just a bit of a letdown after hyping ourselves up over the expectation that something even crazier than grimm soup will happen. Which, to again be fair, is on us as opposed to the writers. But that feeling of, "If this was last week, what in the world will we get right before an unpredicted hiatus?" was palpable. Turns out the answer was, "A pretty tame episode." 

As always though, let's start at the beginning. This episode is titled "War" — straight to the point — and it's actually a little shorter than our last three episodes, adding to that "Okay..." feeling overall. We open on the outskirts of Atlas, amidst what appears to be a wheat field, or something similar. Upon reflection, it makes sense that the bubbled city would be able to grow things not normally growable in the tundra. This might also explain Cinder's strange beginning. Perhaps her orphanage existed on these rural outskirts and then she was brought into the city proper? We'll probably never know for sure, but at least this is a simpler answer than, "The Madame went off to an entirely different Kingdom to secure her child slave." Occam's Razor and all that.

Ironwood's army has assembled to hold off Salem's army. Wow, aren't we glad Ironwood invested in thousands of trained professionals rather than a handful of independent fighters? Seriously though, this is now a battle of numbers. May says later in the episode that Ironwood's forces are doing their best to assist Atlas, so they should go help Mantle... but that help only exists because years ago he recognized that the tiny class sizes of the Academies, this 

wasn't going to be enough if grimm attacks suddenly increased. Sure enough, now they're in a situation where Ironwood needs even more men to keep up with Salem's creation magic. The fact that he has any at all is crucial to what little hope is left. How do Jaune, Yang, and Ren think they're going to get the time to look for Oscar without everyone dying while they're gone? Because Ironwood's army is keeping the attack at bay. I love how the story keeps angling for the "Military people are evil" message while actively showing us how much a military is needed in this world. If Ironwood had been a generic Good Guy who dismantled his armed forces because others wanted to ignore that they've always been at war against objectively evil creatures — both the grimm and Salem — then there would have been nothing to hold Salem off until small team rescue/bomb plans could be implemented. 

But I'm getting ahead of myself. As usual. The army is on the front lines and one guy is scared enough that he's shaking. Can't say I blame him. As always, RWBY functions best when it leans towards horror, with skeletons rising alongside the normal grimm and intense music playing to convey the stakes. Ironwood watches the onslaught and immediately calls for a civilian evacuation into the subway system. Get people below ground, behind a few, defendable entrances, rather than wandering about the city where land or sky grimm can pick them off easy-peasy. Makes sense. Yet I'm already seeing fans make snide comments about how Ironwood is "still running," which just demonstrates how many viewers take the emotions of the show at face value — who is Good and who is Bad — rather than considering the situation and deciding for themselves. What's far more egregious than viewers enjoying a story however they'd like on a Saturday before the holiday though (seriously, my salt aside, no one has to enjoy RWBY any one way) is that RT again tries to paint Ironwood as crazy when he's... just not? Beyond the choice to animate him with scary expressions 

once he gives the order the soldier starts to say, "But sir — " and Ironwood yells for him to obey right now. The scene makes it look like Ironwood is doing something shady again. Here's this goon balking at the order, but we're not told why. What's bad about getting the people to (relative) safety? Why is this order treated like something to question at all? We're not told and, from what we do know, it's not something that would be questioned, so unless we learn something new post-hiatus, that line exists only to make Ironwood look bad. It's a (nonsensical) excuse to have another ally turning against him (slightly) and to give Ironwood the chance to look scary and violent again. Nevermind that his city is under attack and if a subordinate started questioning a completely sensible and time-sensitive order? I might yell too. 

So we're off to a great start. The above looks particularly stupid given that we immediately see the flying grimm arriving in a populated area, terrifying all the civilians there. Everyone bolts for the subway and we cut away from a man trying desperately to reach his daughter, unsure if either of them survive. But people want Ironwood to not use what few resources he has? See, this is why generic messages like, "You have to stand your ground" don't work. Sometimes there are situations where you should run and that doesn't automatically equal being a coward. It means you're smart enough to take the actions necessary to save as many lives as possible. 

Later on we'll have a similar issue with the message, "You have to trust people" when my darling Oscar briefly loses his mind.  

Now though, we see that the "fugitives" Yang, Jaune, and Ren have been taken into custody. Of course they have. Look, when the preview dropped yesterday I saw a number of takes along the lines of, "How dare the Ace Ops do this. They need to put aside their differences until the attack is over!" but no, they really don't, because it's no longer their responsibility to extend trust towards this group. Especially when doing so, to their mind, has a high chance of making a horrific situation that much worse. What are they going to do if, in the middle of a Salem attack, the kids they decided to trust betray them, attack them, and leave them knocked out somewhere while the world burns? 

...Oh wait, they already did that. 

See, the group broke trust first. Numerous times. The Ace Ops listened to Yang admit that she and Blake had betrayed Ironwood days ago. Then they watched Ruby betray him again by alerting the rest of the team, turning them against him. They swore they wouldn't attack, so Team RWBY attacked them first. They learn that Qrow had a hand in murdering their leader. They encounter the group again and Weiss gleefully asks if they want a second defeat. They watch Ruby tell the entire world to dismiss Ironwood because he’s the one who can’t be trusted. Outside of JYR not immediately attacking them when they arrived to help (something I praised them for), this group has never put their trust in the Ace Ops. So why do they — and we — expect the Ace Ops to do so now? Imagine for just a moment that it was reversed. We find out that someone betrayed the group for no good reason, set themselves against them, continued to do so as everything fell apart, told the rest of the world they’re the enemy, and then a close associate is involved in Ruby's murder. How many people would expect the group to just shrug all that off? Would they put their differences aside and embrace these people because blind trust is (supposedly) the right thing to do? Of course not! Yang would punch their lights out and everyone would cheer, but that's because they're the established heroes. Outside of that role, no one else is allowed to mistrust those who have proven themselves untrustworthy and take precautions against getting betrayed again. To say nothing of how these characters don’t have our meta perspective. Meaning, they live in a world where this trio is not a part of a protagonist group destined to remain a part of the plot because that’s how story conventions work. They’re three random teens who were promoted to huntsmen early. They’re three soldiers out of many who can, at any time, be taken out of the fight. No one on the Ace Ops is working under the belief that they “have” to be a part of this fight. From their in-world perspective, you could toss them in jail for the rest of the battle and that’s that. Outside of their fugitive status they are entirely unimportant. 

So yes, Jaune, Ren, and Yang are in handcuffs. They deserve to be. Don't worry though, they get out very soon. 

Yang makes a snide comment about Winter "Still just following orders" and honestly? I've lost the love I used to have for her as a character. Yang is just an exercise in frustration whenever she speaks now. Thus far she's blamed Ruby for everything that's gone wrong (ignoring her own choices there), did a 180 to yell at Ren for acknowledging how bad things are, worried nonsensically about Blake being disappointed in her even though Ruby is the one she fought with, and is now back to the "You just follow orders" shtick. Yang will label anything she personally doesn't like as evil order following, but conveniently ignores how following Ruby's orders helped get them into this mess, and how the one time she went AWOL made things even worse. These characters don't actually have  beliefs they stand behind, they just say whatever is currently necessary to make themselves look good, even if that contradicts previous statements or actions. 

She also gets mad at Vine for saying that grimm don't take prisoners, ignoring that she only found this out a few hours ago. No one in the group is equipped to navigate the emotional minefield that is this war because they can't even take two seconds to put themselves in another’s shoes. Weiss doesn't bother to consider Whitley's situation. Jaune points at the snow and gets frustrated that Harriet doesn't magically know there's grimm soup flowing nearby. Yang snaps at Vine for stating what she also knew to be a basic fact about grimm up until Oscar's kidnapping. It's all framed as, "How can you be this stupid?" rather than, "Oh yeah, these people haven't had the experiences I have. If I was randomly told this I'd doubt it too. I should try to explain this in a way that will make sense to them and increase my chances of being believed." 

This is the group who decided it was a good idea to tell the whole world about Salem and did it just as badly as I suspected they would. The story has shoved a delicate, information-based war into the hands of punch-happy teenagers and refuses to grapple with how that's a bad thing. 

Anyway, Ironwood comes on the radio to say that the whale is pretty indestructible on the outside, but it might be vulnerable from the inside, so let's get a bomb in there. Seems like a good enough plan as any, especially given that the grimm is currently on the very outskirts of the city, away from the civilians if/when it's blown up. What kind of bomb might this be though? 

Could it, perhaps, end up being a now severely damaged android who is based off of Pinocchio? 

Time will tell. For now, the group is quite obviously upset that Ironwood is planning a big BOOM while Oscar (and Ozpin! Tellingly, no one mentions Ozpin...) is still inside. Here's the thing: Both sides are right here. YJR are right to be worried about their friend, while the Ace Ops — who have no emotional ties to Oscar and, as just established, are questioning whether or not a grimm really kidnapped him — are right that they cannot prioritize a single life over the entirety of Atlas. They just can't! And any hero worth their salt is going to recognize this. You cannot knowingly sacrifice thousands of people (if not more) for one (admittedly awesome) farm boy. It would be a different situation if the people of Atlas volunteered to remain in danger to give Oscar a chance at escape, but that obviously isn't the situation here. If someone told me, "Sorry, Clyde, we can't get you out because the place you're in is super dangerous and attempting to extract you would likely cause the rescue party to die. Also, the longer we don't blow this location up the longer lots of other people die" I'd be like, "Fair enough. Have a nice life!" I mean, obviously anyone would be terrified and devastated by the news, but if you're still thinking straight and have even an ounce of compassion for others, you don't trade all those lives for your own. Spock does not open the door to flood the whole Enterprise with radiation!

And notably, neither does Kirk. Oscar isn't given the chance to sacrifice himself — ignoring his choice to try and undermine Salem's forces rather than escaping — so Jaune, Ren, and Yang are deciding that for him. Which, again, makes sense for them emotionally, but it's still a selfish choice. They're prioritizing their family over everyone else's. If someone ever told me they’d risked a whole city for my sake I’d be touched, but also pissed as hell. Because what were you thinking? 

Which is really my biggest issue with this divide. It would have been nice if the show had done more to make me believe these three are that ride and die for Oscar. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled that they are and I'll take this characterization over the apathy we had in the past, but let's be real, it kind of came out of nowhere. The group as a whole pretty much ignored Oscar up until the movie invite and two of these characters — Yang and Jaune — have actively hurt him in the name of getting at Ozpin. Now suddenly they're willing to toss aside their huntsmen duties — protect the people — in order to save him? Nice sentiment, it's just that, as always, we have very little development for it, especially given the level of emotion shown. Particularly when it comes to Ren. The prospect of someone sacrificing Nora? I 100% believe that he draws a hard line and this kick-starts a change in his semblance. Ren is shown to be thinking about how he lost his teammate Pyrrha? Totally believe it! Someone is sacrificing the kid I'm not sure he's ever had a conversation with? That's less persuasive. At the very least, it would have been nice to have the trio grapple with whether they can or should prioritize Oscar over everyone else, rather than taking such a black and white stance of, "Of course taking the time to save this one guy while everyone else dies is worth it. You're evil for thinking otherwise." 

We even get a shot of Winter's hand shaking and clenching like Yang's used to, just to hammer home who the correct party is. 

While they begin this argument we cut to Salem who is literally conducting her grimm in their attack against Atlas. 

Very nice. I love when a villain has 

Emerald watches her, clearly freaked out, and then sneaks off to where Oscar is held. In the hallway she encounters one of the jellyfish grimm, so she casually makes it not see her until it has passed. 

Her semblance works on grimm, but not “real girl” androids? Okay. 

We all realize how crazy powerful Emerald is though, right? The stuff that she could do in a fight is staggering and I'll be forever salty that all she managed in the Penny battle was to create a couple different Cinders. Emerald, Marrow, Salem herself... RWBY has a real problem of having the antagonists conveniently not use the power at their disposal when the heroes need to win. 

So Emerald starts listening in on Ozpin's torture. We learn that Hazel was recruited when he tried to kill Salem numerous times and had to watch her keep reforming. Which, if I remember correctly, is a technique she used back when she and Ozma were playing at Gods. It worked and now Hazel believes that they "share a vision. She's going to create a new world order," one without Kingdoms or Huntsmen Academies. No, says Ozpin, she's going to divide humanity past reform, summon the Gods, and hopefully die when they take out all of Remnant. 

...My god, did we finally get Salem's motivations after seven years? 

Seriously though: seven years. It's way too late, especially when we now have so many questions attached to this supposed goal. If Salem always wanted to divide the world irrevocably, why didn't she attack, oh, say, a thousand years ago? Why has she kept to the sidelines until now? None of this answers why she held off until our simple soul was conveniently ready to fight her. We also have the issue of Salem's knowledge, or lack thereof. So she obviously knows about the Relics and that they'll summon the Gods, but not how to work them? How did that come about? Even Ozpin's motivations are murky now. He repeats Salem's curse word-for-word — though notably, minus the "You must learn the importance of life and death. Only then may you rest" part — yet unless Salem told him this herself when they first reunited — and we know they both hid things from the other — Ozpin could have only gotten this line from the lore episode, something he witnessed along with us just a few weeks/months back. So is he only now realizing that this is what Salem wants the Relics for? Might he be wrong? Or did he somehow figure this out lifetimes ago and we're just not told how? If this is the case, why haven’t Salem’s motivations come up before now? 

This sudden, "Oh yeah, she's always wanted to die" feels pretty tacked on. Like RT had Salem arrive last Volume because that's ~cool~ and then suddenly realized that they have to deal with her motivations now, so they hastily cobbled this together. But, as said at the start, this is entirely expected for RWBY nowadays. A problem to be sure, though one we've been putting up with for a couple of years now. 

During all this, Hazel shouts that this is what Ozpin deserves and the first word out of his mouth is, "Yes." 

But Oscar and the rest of Remnant don't deserve it, so make the right choice for them. How did RT think they were going to make this guy an antagonist? Ozpin has so much self-hatred and yet is still trying SO HARD that he makes Ruby Drinking Tea While The World Burns Rose look laughable. 

Oh yeah, we'll be getting to that scene in just a second, but for now I just want us all to appreciate Ozpin as a character, even if the story won't. 

....

.......

..............

...Okay, moment done lol. Sorry, Oz, there's a lot to cover this episode. 

We cut to a semi-conscious Nora who asks Weiss, "Now what am I good for?" So that’s a double serving of oof. That's when Ruby arrives with fine china steaming with tea. Or coffee. Or hot chocolate. Whatever it is these girls are drinking. What comes next is accompanied by a strange kind of vindication for me. I mean, the fandom dragged me so hard for taking issue with their snuggly smiles during Ruby's message, yet now we literally have the girls sitting back in a mansion as everything goes to shit around them. I know the knee jerk reaction to this will be, "They have to watch over Nora" and “They deserve a break” but really? All three of them need to watch her? And a break during the height of the action? Blake says she hopes everyone else is okay, but who is actually out looking for information about the rest of their team? May. Who's going to do something to get Nora help? Whitley. These characters are so good at telling us they're the heroes while rarely ever displaying those traits. They all (somehow) saw the attack on Atlas and have the ability to get out there and defend people — the job they wanted — yet Ruby looks out the window and asks, "What can we even do?" while taking a long sip of tea. The people of Mantle are (supposedly) freezing to death, yet one of the few with aura, Weiss, sits by a roaring fire going, "Do we just wait for someone to come? If they even come.” I'm sorry, you didn't consider this before you told the whole world about Salem? No one questioned whether asking for potentially non-existent help was worth the risk and what they'd do if it never came? Or even just what they’d do in the meantime? I’m not saying the girls can’t have basic necessities like drinks, or that it can’t be done in style when that’s conveniently available. I’m saying them enjoying the food, warmth, and relative safety of the Schnee household (built on racism) while casually talking about what, if anything, they should do for the people dying outside looks a bit Not Good. "Should we wait for the fire department?" Asks the character as their kitchen burns, sitting beside a number of water buckets that could help slow things down. "If they even come," they sigh, taking another sip of tea. This is ridiculous! The city is currently under attack by the series' Big Bad and half our heroes are just sitting around, watching the evil lightning, wondering if they should try to do anything about it. 

"How did it all get like this?" Ruby asks her cup, ignoring the many steps she took to make things this bad. It continually boggles my mind that Ironwood is out here trying to keep people safe in the subway, coming up with a plan to blow up this whale, sending out an army to kill countless grimm... yet "What can we even do?" Ruby is supposed to be the hero here. You know, the one who has silver eyes and could one-shot huge numbers of Salem's army if she actually went out there and tried to help.  

Ironwood is taking action... and so is May. As said, she's the one out looking for info on their teammates and when she returns says that they should all get back down to Mantle. Why? Because, as mentioned earlier, Atlas at least has an army to help with things. Mantle only has them. 

Yet suddenly, Weiss doesn't want to leave. 

Where did this come from? They succeeded in their preferred plan of telling the world what's going on over Ren and Yang's plan of helping what people they could, and now they're looking for something to do. Why wouldn't they head back to help? (Especially now that the shields are down.) Weiss yells that there are people dying in Atlas too but, as established, Atlas has the army. And where was this concern when they refused to let Atlas leave? After a Volume and a half of pro-Mantle content, this seems to come out of nowhere. Worse, Weiss tries to guilt May by asking if she has family in Atlas, which leads to the reveal that she's trans. Her family rejected their daughter. 

I want to be clear that I'm very happy RT made this canon. For what she is — a side character we know incredibly little about — I really like May and the fact that they were clear in her identity rather than keeping it to twitter deserves recognition. Yet I'm not going to pretend that the reveal didn't leave a bit of a sour taste in my mouth, simply because we have this incredibly privileged cis girl, who knows a great deal about shitty families, hearing how horrible May's was and still trying to tell her she needs to suck it up and help Atlas over Mantle. When May angrily asks whose side she's on, Blake makes a comment about hearing that before, comparing her to Ironwood. May is painted as the misguided one here, but can you imagine if someone told Weiss to go help Jacques over her found family, Team RWBY, regardless of what he's done to her? The fandom would explode, and rightly so. There's something to be said for realism here, showing us Weiss and Blake's inability to see where May is coming from... but it doesn't feel like a commentary on that. It feels like another Penny situation: May is put in her place for being inconsiderate, even though this time it's her choosing to help people who are ALSO in danger over the people who represent family she's broken with. 

I wanted conflict this Volume and I absolutely got it, but damn if it isn’t badly thought out at times. 

Because rather than grappling with these personal motivations, Ruby brushes them aside by yelling, "There are no sides! We want to help everyone." 

Does that extend to Ironwood? Ruby's speeches started falling flat when she betrayed Ozpin, attacked Cordovin, betrayed Ironwood, attacked the Ace Ops... This girl does not want to "help everyone." She wants to help those who agree with her. 

Yet her rock solid optimism generates the question, “So how exactly do we get out of it?” which, as expected, Ruby has no answer to. The story keeps showing us how bad a leader Ruby has become, yet no one is actively responding to that. They kinda disagree about lying to Ironwood, but still go along with it. Yang kinda criticizes her sister, but that's then lost to general worry as they split (on Ruby's end, anyway). They want to know how she'll lead them next and are seemingly fine when Ruby continually says, "I don't know." At this point I'd be like, "Well... you didn't like May's plan of going back to Mantle, but apparently can't come up with a plan yourself... so I'm going to go with her." 

This is the same conflict we had last Volume: Ruby spoke optimistically about saving everyone, yet was unable to come up with a way to do that. Ironwood had a plan that, while horrific, might save a lot of lives. Yet Ruby is presented as the one to back. Now here she is, hours later, still unable to figure out a way to achieve her perfect outcome. Ruby wanting things to be a certain way is not going to make them so and I’m wondering when someone within the group is going to recognize and act on that. 

As Ruby fails to answer this crucial question, we pull back to see Whitley listening in at the door. 

Cutting back to Ozpin and Oscar, Hazel has listened to all this craziness about Gods, immortality, the destruction of Remnant... and literally goes, "Cool story, bro." 

Okay, he says "Nice story" but the emotion is the same. Which I'm really happy about! I mentioned in a recent post that, as far as we know, Hazel hasn't been told anything about the Gods up until now. What Ozpin is telling him sounds like gibberish at worst, incredibly hard to believe craziness at best. Now chuck in Mercury's point that as a tortured prisoner he'll say anything to get free, as well as the fact that this is Ozpin talking to Hazel... and I'm really glad Hazel just ignored his speech (for now at least). It wouldn't make sense otherwise. Granted, this means that the plan literally amounted to, “Let’s info dump a bunch of nonsense-sounding lore on our enemy in the hope that he’ll believe us and betray Salem.” It’s something to try, certainly, and it admittedly is a much better plan than what Oscar is about to cook up. 

So since Hazel won't listen to Ozpin, Oscar wants to try instead. Why did you two switch in the first place? It's really obvious that RT is having the characters do weird things in order to stretch out the plot. 

Either way, our farm boy is in control again. What new strategy will he try? 

"Her name is Jinn." 

This is BEYOND stupid. No, none of this "You have to trust people" nonsense. This is not “people,” this is Hazel. There is a Grand Canyon's width of difference between learning to trust your allies and blindly trusting an active villain who just rejected your "Please defect :(" speech. Even if we remove Hazel from the equation, this is still a monumentally foolish move. I mean, has Oscar considered where he is? This isn't some random warehouse he's been taken to, this is a semi-sentient grimm, a creature creating other creatures out of its ceiling

and whose doors automatically open when people need them to (Mercury). This is a living being created by and connected to Salem herself. How does Oscar know Salem can't hear everything he says? Or that the whale can't relay information to her? That the grimm in the walls won't pop out and run to their master? Or even that a normal person isn't listening in at the door — like Emerald is. If that had been Tyrian instead, that's it. They're done. Game over. 

Someone: "Wow. Salem got the Lamp and managed to ask where the Beacon Relic is. Since the school is still overrun by her army, she snatched it up quick, finished destroying Atlas, and is now on her way to Vacuo. She's nearly completed her plan in days! How did all this happen? 

Oscar: I, um... told her what she wanted to know?

Someone: You what?

Oscar: But not Salem! I just told Hazel! ... and then the information somehow got back to her. 

Someone: "Somehow?" You deliberately told one of Salem's henchmen this crucial piece of information, in a place where there was a good chance you would be overheard by conventional or magical means, and you're surprised that she "somehow" learned it and used that information to doom us all? 

Oscar: ...Yes? 

This is so staggeringly stupid it... well, it could only have been done by a kid. So at least that fits lol. Oscar, I love you, but Ozpin should have been screaming in horror the second those words left your mouth. Generations of precautions undone because a kid wants to believe the best of the guy currently pummeling him. Sweet, but stupid. I’m all for optimistic characters, they just can’t risk the whole world on that optimism. Oscar risking himself on the seemingly doomed plan to turn Hazel is one thing, Oscar risking all of Remnant on the seemingly doomed plan to turn Hazel is another thing entirely. 

Even though you know this is precisely how the story will go. Oscar willingly hands over Jinn's name to Salem's forces, but happily none of the THREE who hear about it will tell her. The story's unwillingness to follow through on consequences doesn't change what a bad move this was. I mean, Oscar himself accused Ironwood of playing into Salem's hands by disagreeing with them about how to not die, yet a few hours later he will willingly give Hazel the one piece of information Salem needs to move closer to world-wide destruction? That's uh... well, that's something. 

They should have just had the poor boy be tortured, spill the beans to make it stop, and start an arc of self-forgiveness. Oscar can be awesome without coming up with world-dooming plans. 

So yeah, Oscar is hoping that Hazel will use the Lamp himself and find out the truth. He wants Hazel to trust him and the man he despises most in the world enough to go against the immortal woman he's terrified of, get the Lamp away from her somehow to use for himself, wasting a once in a generation question to confirm all this, so that Salem will lose a guy with muscle who, to be frank, is absolute insignificant in the grand scheme of her power. Fantastic. 

As said, Emerald overhears all this and immediately runs to Mercury, who is less than convinced by her "Salem wants to destroy the world" talk. Just as he's expressing doubt, Tyrian appears to confirm that this is exactly what she wants to do — and he's loving it. 

“Of course she is! You’re surprised? Salem is destruction incarnate!” 

It's a legit point. Are our villains so dense they never considered that Salem might do something to the world they didn't like? It's like the group not thinking about how Salem is still around if Ozpin has been fighting her for a thousand years. RWBY continually gives the impression that these characters don't think about their situation past what they're doing at any given moment. 

Tyrian maintains his title as best villain though, simply because I understand what he's doing, why he's doing it, and he's so damn good at it. 

Also, can we appreciate Mercury's face here? 

Amazing. This is the kind of humor we should be getting in such a tragedy-laden Volume. 

The two of them, Tyrian and Mercury, head off to Vacuo for the Secret Mission, despite Mercury's newfound hesitation. I quite liked these quiet moments between him and Emerald. It has a very "Do what you've gotta do" vibe while showcasing their care for one another, something we haven't seen in a while. 

Back with the airship group. YJR are still horrified that Ironwood would blow up Oscar (even though he has no idea Oscar is there), begging the Ace Ops to give them "a chance to try to rescue him first.” Ren goes pretty hard on the "no one is replaceable" bit, which is frustrating not being what he’s saying is inaccurate (it’s not), but because that's not the issue here. The writing has Harriet start yelling about Marrow replacing her old teammate and Winter replacing Clover, but the question is not whether you'll just forget a teammate and move on with someone new, but whether you're willing to sacrifice them for the greater good. That's the stance: Should we sacrifice one life to save thousands? Will you, as a protector of the people, put those people before your own found family? Yet what RT has Harriet say is: Oscar is replaceable. Which obviously makes her come across as an ass. Like the random soldier questioning Ironwood — or making Elm about to punch a defenseless Ren in her anger — it exists solely to show how bad these character are... even as they say pretty persuasive things. 

The writing also continues to be confused about whether the Ace Ops are friends or not. Yang certainly didn't think so... up until she asks (rhetorically) whether Marrow would sacrifice himself for Elm, Harriet, and Vine. Since their introduction, the story has loudly insisted that the Ace Ops aren't friends... up until it's revealed ("revealed") that Harriet is actually gutted about Clover. So which is it? Are we supposed to believe that these are cold soldiers who only work together out of duty, or that they're a team who clearly love one another? I'd say that show has shown us the latter, but it doesn't seem to understand what point it's trying to make. Does this look like a soldier who doesn’t care? 

It’s especially weird when Ren again makes the claim that this is why they lost to Team RWBY. Because they're not a team.

...So is this why they did such a fantastic job fighting the geist, demonstrating such perfect teamwork that the group was open-mouthed impressed? Is this why they nearly took down a Maiden together? Is this why Ren, while furious at Yang and Jaune, was still able to work seamlessly with them to try and rescue Oscar? Do we think if Yang was suddenly beside Ruby again that the two would fail spectacularly in a fight because they had a minor disagreement? 

This is now the third time RT has tried to excuse nerfing the Ace Ops with, "They disagree about things and are thus not friends and thus can't fight well together" — despite all evidence to the contrary — and it's getting really old. 

At one point Harriet tells Ren, "I had you pegged as the most level-headed of the bunch, but I guess you’re just as naïve" which, ignoring her then random claim that people are replaceable, is correct. I also pegged Ren as the most level-headed of the bunch considering he was just yelling at Yang for how much damage they've caused, all the mistakes they've made, and that maybe — just maybe — they should have tried harder to work with Ironwood. Yet now here he is, in a position to start that process, and the Ren we got in the snow is simply gone. He's fully Team Yang and Jaune again, facing off against the evil Ace Ops. 

I knew this was going to happen, but it's still disappointing. The story gave Ren a great speech to appease those of us frustrated with the direction the story has taken... and now we’re back to ignoring that. Ren was told off for daring to question how great the group is, apparently thought it over in the snow, and is now of the opinion that yes, they are that great. People are going to die because of us? Who cares about that anymore! We will absolutely, single-handedly rescue Oscar and there's no reason why this might be a questionable choice when an entire city is on the line. Again, emotionally understandable (if we buy into the group suddenly loving Oscar this much), but it rings hollow right after making Ren the one person who was willing to look at the big picture. 

Good news though: Jaune got the braincell this week! He suggests that they go in to try and rescue Oscar/provide intel, but won't stop the Ace Ops from launching the bomb when necessary. 

See, this is heroic. This is what the group should have done during the Mantle conflict: Volunteering to take the personal risk of facing off against Salem while letting Atlas try to escape. Basically, not forcing everyone else to risk their lives for their pipe dream, which is what Ren and Yang want by rejecting the bomb entirely. Jaune recognizes here that they can't prioritize Oscar over an entire city, but also that they may still be able to save him before the bomb is complete and ready to go. So they compromise, with JYR the only ones at risk. 

Good job, Jaune! 

Winter agrees to this plan with a firm, "I outrank you" to Harriet. People are going to love that. 

Oh, but in his anger Ren's semblance suddenly changes. So we're back to the ridiculous. 

Truthfully, I like this direction. Granted, I would have liked some buildup to it, especially since this is the second time this Volume that RWBY has dropped a major semblance change on us, but the idea itself is really cool. Ren can now see emotions! Awesome! And I don't mean that sarcastically. I actually think that’s a neat extension of his original semblance. 

Too bad the story seems to think he's a mind reader. 

Seriously, take a look back at the dialogue. What Ren sees are confetti-like petals floating around a person, their color seeming to determine their emotional state. Red means Harriet is mad, blue is sadness for Marrow, etc. But what Ren ends up saying is a great deal closer to mind reading. Harriet is angry about Clover and is gutted at his loss. Marrow is questioning his place here and wants to leave. These aren't base emotions, they're targeted thoughts and feelings about situations not immediately apparent from the verbal conversation. “In fact, you don’t want to be a part of it at all anymore." How does Ren know that? They just gave him telepathy instead of the cool power with firm limitations that the imagery suggests. 

There are also some, uh... iffy implications in all this. For example, Ren allows Yang privacy by not reading her mind emotional state, but has no qualms about reading every one of the Ace Ops’. So privacy is only for the people you care about, huh? 

We could also say something about RT perpetuating unfortunate racial stereotypes: the two women of color are pure anger, the marginalized man is pure sadness, the Asian coded character is pure calm... and the white woman set to turn against the others gets a mix of all emotions. AKA, human complexity. 

To be clear, I don't think RT is doing this deliberately. Rather, they’re writers who have demonstrated time and time again that they don't have a good handle on depicting the sort of sensitive material that RWBY is infused with, and that extends to the mild, but still unfortunate, implications in scenes like this. Even if we ignore the iffy details — a benefit of the doubt that, at this point, many fans aren’t willing to grant — we're still left with the continuity errors. Visually, we're presented with a woman who is experiencing multiple emotions at once and is, therefore, torn. Yet Ren reads Winter definitively: "I know you [don't want this] either." It's yet another moment that makes me wonder how much communication there is between the writers and the animators, because too often the two seem to be at odds with each other. 

As the group prepares to go into the belly of the beast (literally!) we return to Ruby who is, once again, failing to make me believe she's this super compassionate person. 

“Wait! What about Qrow and Robyn? Maybe if we get them out of wherever they’re held—”

Please tell me I'm not the only one who took issue with this? Ruby doesn't express an ounce of worry for her uncle, not even when she learns he's been arrested, and the one time she brings him up it's in the context of what he can do for them in this fight? Ruby doesn't grapple with whether to rescue her uncle (personal desire), or get the message to the world (her version of the heroic action) and then realize that, now that her duty is done, she can finally turn to the more selfish act of helping her immediate family. Instead, Ruby seems perfectly happy to let Qrow stay in prison up until she's unsure what to do next and thinks that maybe he has the answer. Heaven forbid Ruby think about rescuing him because she loves him.

Sadly, this Ruby is long gone. 

In recent years she's expressed no gratitude for him saving her life, no respect for him as her teacher, demonstrated incredibly little compassion for his own struggles, and outright told him that if he wasn't going to listen to her then he doesn't need to be part of the team. Then he's arrested and she doesn't care until she deems him useful again. Like the fandom wondering where the sisterly bond between Ruby and Yang went, I'm likewise wondering where the bond between Ruby and Qrow went. 

May outright rejects this though, yelling that they still don't get it. “This is not a situation where everyone wins!" 

She tells the trio they have to choose for once: Are you going to help Mantle, or Atlas? 

...which means there's immediately a knock at the door, interrupting the moment where they have to decide. 

See, this is just like Ren. The story keeps giving us moments where characters speak absolute truth, dangling the potential for the group to grow from these realizations... only to pull back before it goes anywhere. Ren is once again aligned with Yang and Jaune in their desire to save Oscar. May's demand is interrupted by the plot. If means nothing to give us these moments unless the story acts on them. 

It's Klein at the door. Whitley called him to help with Nora because I guess he's a doctor now, as well as a butler? Fine. Let’s run with it. Weiss is super pleased to see him and hugs Whitley for the good deed. 

Why so shocked that Whitley would look out for another, Weiss? Could it be because he's had so little reason to be kind when everyone, including you, has treated him horribly? If Klein always had these medical skills — if you’ve grown up with a doctor — why didn’t you talk to your brother and ask if he knew how to contact him? And of course, she apologizes to Klein for her father’s actions, but not to Whitley for her own. Whitley's surprise isn't cute to me. 

Weiss stuck a weapon in his face, insulted him, sent him to his room like a toddler... and now is randomly hugging him because he did something she liked. The context of this scene doesn't paint Weiss in a good light. Like the rest of her friends, she only extends basic respect and kindness towards others when they're assisting her. Whitley was nothing to her until he suddenly proved himself useful. That's not cute sibling love, it's a love that's going to run out the moment Whitley puts a toe out of line, according to Weiss' unspoken list of what behavior keeps him in her good graces. 

I believe that Klein cares for Whitley because he greets him kindly and gives him that shoulder pat on the way up. Whitley didn't need to first prove himself to Klein somehow and Klein didn't start this interaction by shoving a gun in Whitley's face, just in case he wouldn't let him through the door. They feel more like family than this hug does. 

So yeah, Whitley and May have done more good this episode than our entire main cast. How about we just make this story about the side characters instead? 

We then hear a massive boom and the group runs out to find a crater. Penny has landed in front of the manor, which is pretty convenient considering we saw her pass out as she fell. 

She's somehow still in control despite the hack and apologizes to Ruby, then falls unconscious (again). 

And that's where we end! Definitely a cliffhanger, though a rather underwhelming one considering we already knew Penny was in serious trouble. As said at the start, this episode felt rather underwhelming to me, especially as a halfway point before a hiatus, and compared to some of the stuff we've seen previously. It's not bad per-se — especially if we ignore the issues that have been around for an age now, which is most of what this recap deals with — it's just not terribly exciting either. Everything of importance — Salem's attack, Oscar's rescue, Penny's demise, subordinates turning, Nora's condition, etc. — had already been established in previous episodes and very little of it moved forward. Ren's semblance is the only thing the episode gave us that we couldn't have (generically) guessed for ourselves between last Saturday and now. 

So yeah, underwhelmed is the mood of the day, with a hefty dose of salt for everything that continues to be a story-breaking problem in this show. I will say though that, as has become the trend for this Volume, all the establishing shots are gorgeous. RWBY is, at the very least, pretty to look at. 

As a final note, in lieu of the Bingo board (since, again, not a whole happens plot-wise) I want to point out something mentioned by a friend: how absolutely bonkers our timeline is now. We began the second day last episode with the sun rising (recall that Jaune had tried to sleep that night at the outpost. So it’s definitely sunrise as opposed to sunset).

And we re-confirm that it’s sunrise at the start of this episode.

Yet throughout the episode many of our shots take place at night (note the stars behind the trio).

These moments with Ruby can't take place in the past because they're talking about the attack, an attack that only happened after Jaune's group met up with the Ace Ops and the geyser attacked — during early morning. I doubt I'm supposed to believe that it has been another full day of Salem starting an attack, a full day for the group to fly to the whale, a full day for Penny to fall, a full day which would put us at the end of the Volume’s timeline at only the halfway point... so I think RT is just going for the aesthetic of night shots without thinking about what that does to the continuity. It's a mess. 

Not the highest praise to end on, but I’m working with what I’ve got lol. I feel as naïve as Oscar when I say that maybe Part II will be better. 

I will, of course, see you all in six weeks. Until then, I'll do my best to catch up on asks. Another doomed endeavor, but one can try!

A very Happy Holidays to all of you who celebrate and, as always, thanks so much for reading! 💜

[Ko-Fi]

[ibijau]

Deathbed Wedding pt4

Nie Mingjue too leaves the Unclean Realm, meets with a friend, and gets updated on the situation

also on AO3

Meng Yao tried to stop Nie Mingjue when he prepared to storm out of the Unclean Realm, first protesting that he couldn’t abandon his sect at the last moment this way (he could, he was the sect leader, there had to be some perks and tyranny was one), then trying to say something about Nie Huaisang.

“Has he come out of his room yet?” Nie Mingjue asked as he raided the pantry for some easy to carry rations, poor Meng Yao trotting behind him.

“Well…” Meng Yao hesitated, refusing to meet his gaze.

“Brat,” Nie Mingjue grunted, annoyed and worried at once. “Did he finally eat at least?”

“Yes, last night,” his deputy announced more confidently.

Nie Mingjue felt himself relax. He was almost certain that his brother had enough food in his room to withstand a siege, but snacks could only keep him going for so long before he might start feeling unwell.

“And is he ready to be reasonable at last?”

Once more, Meng Yao hesitated, something hardening in his eyes even as he shook his head. It was somewhat rare for the two of them to have any sort of disagreement, if only because Meng Yao was too smart to oppose him directly. Still, this time, Nie Mingjue knew that his faithful deputy would have taken his brother’s side if he’d dared.

It only made him angrier at Nie Huaisang for causing trouble like this. That stubborn little brat really was a pain in the ass sometimes.

“Nie gongzi has said he’s waiting for an apology from Nie zongzhu,” Meng Yao explained.

“He can keep waiting,” Nie Mingjue grumbled, leaving the pantry. “I’ll be gone for a week, maybe two. I’m entrusting the sect and Nie Huaisang to you. I’ll deal with him when I get back.”

Meng Yao gave him a strained smile, and bowed briefly. Later on Nie Mingjue might feel sorry for forcing him to be in charge without warning. It wasn’t the first time this happened though, and so far Meng Yao had always done an excellent job of things. Sure he sometimes encountered trouble with some of the less upstanding disciples, but Meng Yao would just have to go complain to Nie Huaisang. The little pest wouldn’t leave his room for his own brother, but he just might if someone made Meng Yao unhappy.

Brat.

Fueled by anger, Nie Mingjue jumped on Baxia and flew off as fast as his sabre would allow, heading East in the direction of the sea. There had been trouble with a monster near a harbour, and while this wasn’t in his sect’s territory, nor were water creatures his speciality, he couldn’t have refused the invitation to come help with this situation.

Two days later, he met up with Lan Xichen at the only inn of a village near the harbour in question, very close to the site of the latest attack.

It had been a long while since they had met up like this. Although the current situation wasn’t Lan Xichen’s fault, Nie Mingjue had still not wanted to see him for a while after Qingheng-Jun had refused to let his eldest son marry the second master of Qinghe Nie. At the same time, Lan Xichen hadn’t really reached out either for a few months, and then had only written to Nie Mingjue, never once offering to meet as they used to do every so often.

Never, until then.

So Nie Mingjue had dropped everything, curious to see what could have prompted his friend to ask for this.

Although he might have looked at peace to someone who did not know him, Nie Mingjue was struck by how nervous Lan Xichen looked. He couldn’t have said what exactly gave him that impression, not when Lan Xichen was sitting calmly with a cup of tea in his hands and a vague smile on his lips, but something was deeply wrong about him. Nie Mingjue almost wished that his brother were here, because Nie Huaisang was the one who knew how to read people, but even if they hadn’t fought it wouldn’t have been possible. 

Lan Xichen's letter specifically requested that Nie Mingjue had to come alone.

The sensation of wrongness only increased when Lan Xichen noticed that Nie Mingjue had arrived, and gestured for him to join him at his table. His smile, always warm usually, now looked so strained that even Nie Mingjue couldn’t have missed it.

“Mingjue-xiong, it is so nice to see you again,” Lan Xichen greeted him, making a sign at the waiter to get a fresh pot of tea. “You look… actually, you don’t look so well,” he admitted with a small grimace. “Trouble at home?”

“I could say the same,” Nie Mingjue retorted, sitting across from him. “You look awful.”

Lan Xichen pinched his lips, his hands curling into fists which he quickly hid under the table.

“I have been better. My father and I have had… we’ve had a few arguments recently.”

“Didn’t think you even knew how,” Nie Mingjue teased.

“I’m learning fast,” Lan Xichen spat, before controlling himself to smile once more. “Sorry, that was… It has been a rough few weeks. I suppose you’ve heard already?”

Nie Mingjue, surprised, shook his head. He hadn’t heard any official news coming from Gusu recently, and Meng Yao hadn’t learned any piece of gossip he’d judged worth sharing. Lan Xichen frowned at that answer and opened his mouth to explain, only to close it again when the waiter approached with a pot of hot tea and a second cup for Nie Mingjue. Lan Xichen smiled politely, watching the young man like a hawk and refusing to say a single word until Nie Mingjue and him were alone again.

“It’s nothing official yet,” Lan Xichen announced as he poured some tea for both of them. “But I think it will be soon enough. My father has contacted Jiang zongzhu about a marriage between Jiang guniang and myself.”

Nie Mingjue stared at him. “You’re joking.”

Pinching his lips again, Lan Xichen shook his head, a deeper frown appearing on his face.

“He took me to meet her just a few days ago,” he explained, his voice trembling with barely restrained anger. “Me and Wangji too, since he was going on a Night Hunt with Jiang disciples anyway. He said since she’ll be part of the family, we should both know her. She doesn’t like the match anymore than I do, because she knows about… about my situation, thanks to her brother and Wei Wuxian. But since her parents seem to want this, it will almost certainly happen.”

Even at a normal time, Nie Mingjue would have been furious to hear this. Now though, still in the middle of an argument with Nie Huaisang, having heard from Nie Zonghui what risks his brother had yet again taken during his latest Night Hunt and suspecting that he hadn’t even been told the half of it, Nie Mingjue felt his temper flare up.

“And what about Huaisang?” He snarled, banging his fist on the table. “After all this, are you really so easily swayed, Lan gongzi?”

Lan Xichen briefly glared at him, before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.

“Mingjue-xiong…”

“Do you have any idea how hard that little idiot is trying to meet your father’s demands?” Nie Mingjue shouted, startling Lan Xichen who opened his eyes again. The few other patrons present also turned to look at him, but Nie Mingjue ignored them. “Huaisang has been on Night Hunt after Night Hunt, he hasn’t missed practice in over a year, and you…”

“Mingjue-xiong, not here,” Lan Xichen whispered, glancing around at the other patrons. “This is… let’s finish our tea and get on our way, we can talk when we’re alone. Some of this is… I think here is not a good place for it.

Even through his anger, Nie Mingjue liked Lan Xichen too much to expose him to the discomfort of a public argument. He drank his tea without waiting, letting it burn his throat in his haste to just go out and find a place where he could shout without restrictions. With this done, he threw some money on the table to pay their tab, and roughly grabbed Lan Xichen by the arm to drag him outside.

As they walked toward the last known attack site, Lan Xichen, carefully, explained the situation in more detail, letting more and more bitterness sip through the longer he spoke. Nie Mingjue’s anger also only increased as he listened, but it was no longer turned at his friend.

“Your father has some guts,” he spat. “And you’re going to give in?”

“What else can I do?” Lan Xichen sighed, his eyes red from tears he refused to spill. “He is my father, and he has made up his mind. Besides… if you were in my position, wouldn’t you do the same?”

Nie Mingjue grunted, unsure what to say. For him, and to a lesser degree for Nie Huaisang too, it hadn’t been rare to get into fights with their father when he was still alive. The old man had half encouraged it, too, because he thought that arguments built character. Still, on the rare occasion that their father insisted to have his way, they knew when to stop arguing. So for Lan Xichen who had always been taught to obey his elders, like a dutiful Lan… 

“Are you sure he’ll keep his word about Wangji?” Nie Mingjue asked. “If he lied back then, what’s to keep him from lying again now?”

“I'm not stupid, Mingjue-xiong. I’ve told shufu about it,” Lan Xichen explained, to which his friend nodded.

Lan Qiren had made it rather clear before that he disapproved of his brother’s decision concerning his eldest son’s matrimonial prospects, and he’d always spoiled Lan Wangji, at least by Lan standards. He would not allow Qingheng-Jun to ruin the lives of both of his nephews, nor would be put up with lies and broken promises.

“When you get home to Huaisang, tell him I’m sorry,” Lan Xichen sighed. “I never meant to…” He hesitated, and sighed again, deeper this time, a pitiful expression on his face. “I really thought things would work out, and I never meant to hurt him because he is so dear to me. And yet... “ Another sigh. “Even if the Jiangs decide they don’t want this engagement, please tell Huaisang to stop trying to impress my father… but don’t tell him why. I don’t want him to know all his efforts were for nothing, that’d be too cruel.”

“I’ll try, but he doesn’t really listen to me much these days,” Nie Mingjue grumbled. “That brat.”

Lan Xichen smiled fondly for a moment, before the corner of his lips collapsed and he was forced to turn away to hide his expression.

“He’s smart enough to know what’s best for him,” Lan Xichen whispered, raising one hand to wipe something on his face.

Nie Mingjue almost laughed, because if there was one thing that Nie Huaisang had proven in recent months, it was how little sense of self preservation he had. Maybe that was why his brother had been granted a somewhat lazy personality: when he took action, he really put himself in too much danger. And while Nie Mingjue couldn’t say so out loud for fear of further upsetting Lan Xichen who was already so distraught, he was quite sure unless Nie Huaisang was told exactly how useless his efforts had been, or unless he saw Lan Xichen being married off to someone else, he wouldn’t stop trying to prove himself to a man who could never have been convinced.

“I think we’re close now,” Lan Xichen said, pointing at the nearby beach where a number of recently wrecked ships laid on their side. “I’ve been asking around about what happened, while waiting for you. Would you like to hear the details, Mingjue-xiong?”

“Sure, tell me what we know,” Nie Mingjue agreed.

Grateful that he was allowed to change the subject, Lan Xichen smiled weakly and started explaining what he had heard so far, as well as his personal theory regarding what sort of creature had been causing such trouble, and how they might have to rent a boat and go to sea for a few days if they wanted to find whatever caused this evil. Nie Mingjue listened diligently, glad to be back on more familiar terrain.

Fighting a water demon capable of destroying entire fleets would be easier than figuring out how to tell Nie Huaisang he would never get to be with the person he loved.

[cutiebeams]

Hello TWEWY fandom, it's meta time.

TWEWY is filled to the brim with symbolism and hidden meanings, as we all know. Even the partners and their colors when they sync with Neku; I realized, have some depth, and I'm going to articulate my thoughts on it. This is going to be long, so get cozy. 

Shiki

Let's start with the first partner we get. Her theme's red, and Neku's is blue. Before we even delve into this analysis, let's unpack the general symbolism of the colors themselves, because that is important as well.

Red: passion, love, anger, energy, courage

Blue: trust, loyalty, wisdom, intelligence, stability

These two colors are essentially on the opposing sides of the color wheel as well; the only shade darker than blue is purple (which is Neku's theme of his attire but that's not important rn stay with me fellas)

Red & blue are portrayed as opposites in a plethora of media and this is no exception: Shiki is the extroversion to Neku's introversion, the pathos to his logos, bubbly and chipper vs his stoic and reserved demeanor. Neku is outwardly hateful (towards other people and his circumstances), and Shiki is inwardly hateful (she hates herself to the point she doesn't think there's anything special about her)

As expected, they clash vehemently at first. Neku is extremely irritated by Shiki's energy and she is frustrated with how aloof and mean he can be. But as they get to know each other, they become like yin and yang; and Shiki's kinder qualities begin to rub off on Neku which he exhibits in the following weeks. Red is often symbolic of love; and Shiki shows a lot of it: she's very friendly and amiable, sympathizing with total strangers and getting along with almost everyone; but she's pretty feisty too- she gets visibly upset when Neku ignores her and makes himself difficult and she's not afraid to call him out (and she DOES, quite a few times). However, she is still overall kind to him, even when he's prickly; trying her best to be patient with him and her gentleness eventually wins him over.. eventually. 

When confronted with an issue, Shiki seems to lean towards the emotional aspects of the matter, such as when Ai and Mina were at odds, she hesitated to bring the truth to light because she didn't want to jeopardize their friendship and emotional wellbeing; in contrast to Neku who wanted the truth to be brought to light as soon as possible because he felt that lying was wrong and it needed to be addressed sooner, rather than later, or things would just get worse. Or when 777 couldn't find his tech, Shiki listened to him vent out of sympathy while Neku agreed to help because of the logical results it'd bring- 

Shiki is also very outwardly emotional: she's very chirpy but she also isn't afraid to openly express her sorrow, anger, or fear, and sometimes she gets overcome by her emotions. But for the most part, she exhibits high emotional intelligence and understanding of other's feelings; and she's essentially the group's moral support: she's one of the most verbal about being sure that they'll make it back and that they all need to work together. Shiki is also extremely passionate; about other people, about the things she creates, it spills into virtually every aspect of her life.

The sad thing though, is that Shiki seems to love everybody but herself, and we see tiny glimpses of this in her small moments of passiveness (such as telling Neku he doesn't have to shout when he snaps at her) On the flip side, Neku's blunt honesty gives Shiki the inner strength to not only face her self-hatred; but overcome it. And that brings me to Shiki's other color: green. You can see it in her stickers + it's her nickname in Another Day. 

Green: nature, rebirth, growth, harmony, healing

I believe that this choice is two-fold: green also symbolizes envy and jealousy and this is something that Shiki's character battles with. She wants to be like Eri- beautiful, smart, charismatic; to the point she even tells Neku that she emulated Eri's personality at first because she was so excited to be in her body. But she then realized that she wasn't Eri, and would never be; nor did she ever want to be. What Shiki truly wanted was to love herself: and that's what her character arc encapsulates; a journey of self-acceptance and self-love. 

When we finally get to see real game Shiki, she's wearing green because she's a new person, hence the themes of rebirth and harmony: she's confident and happy in who she is; and so the green changes from the negative connotations of jealousy and envy to the positives of steadiness and self-harmony. There's also healing, for both her and Neku: she helped him to open up emotionally and become gentler, and he helped her accept herself. We don't get to see her face because it doesn't really matter: as Neku himself said, "You'll always be Shiki." It's her character that is important, not her appearance. Green is also red's complementary color, and we see that rather than doing a complete 180 in personality, Shiki just gets a little milder. She's not quite as bubbly, but a lot of her passion is still there, it's just gentler. 

In short, Shiki is Neku's opposite. They're like night and day: completely different, but inseparable. 

Let's talk about Neku a while now, shall we? His color choice seems contradictory given his personality when we meet him: he is extremely distrusting, volatile and aloof. The thing is though, Neku's arc is also about growth and while he does not exhibit any of the traits of his color scheme at first; during the entirety of the game, he regains himself. Neku's character is about relearning how to trust people and not being afraid to be open and accept different points of view and values- and that diversity is good and healthy! During his first week with Shiki, we get very small glimpses of how emotional Neku actually is, particularly through inner monologue. 

When Rhyme is erased, he's distraught (his thoughts tell us he feels awful) but he masks it with blunt logic ("Because we couldn't. That's how it was meant to be"), perhaps to avoid showing vulnerability, even declaring teaming up is a dumb idea- because people get hurt and there are situations where there's nothing you can do about it. Neku's rant when Shiki declares that Beat and Rhyme were their friends takes us right into his psyche:

"Who needs friends?! They just laugh and talk like idiots and pretend to agree with you- so you end up caring about them….exposing yourself...getting HURT..Screw it! We're better off without them! You want other people getting in your way? Dragging you down? I don't!"

And suddenly, Neku's prickliness makes sense- he views attachment as painful and vulnerability as a risk, and so he vehemently avoids them. He's mean because he's hurting and he's sad: and how fitting, as one of the negative connotations for blue is sorrow and grief. Remember how I said Neku didn't exhibit any traits of blue? Well, that was specifically for the positive ones. 

Negative symbolism of blue: coldness, aloofness, lack of emotion, unfriendliness, sorrow

And that's Neku to a tee: at first, anyway. While his behavior is not justifiable, it is understandable.

When Shiki snaps at him and tells him that he's inhuman Neku doesn't show any outward response during the actual conflict, but the next day when she apologizes his sprite changes to the "sad turtle" and we get to see his thoughts again:

That I was no better than a Reaper…

Rhyme…

……………

Well...right now…

Neku proceeds to tell Shiki that they need to focus on the mission, and she agrees. While he isn't being especially friendly with her, it's leaps and bounds from his initial open hostility: he's more willing to work with Shiki towards a common goal and one could argue this is when his paradigm shift begins- her comment rattled him a lot, and Neku makes baby steps to change. The daily mission (which involves helping two friends address a misunderstanding) gives us more development for him, too. At this point, he still doesn't think conflicting views and values are a good thing and that relationships only hold him back; and he voices to Shiki that he doesn't see the point of friendships built on falsehoods (which is an excellent point and one that she actually agrees with) and we get to see one of Neku's good qualities: he values truth and honesty a lot. 

She asks him if he truly thinks that people are better off without friends, and when he doesn't answer; Shiki talks about how meeting Eri made her want to be her best self (which is how ALL healthy relationships should be, whether platonic or romantic). She mourns Rhyme again, venting that it isn't fair she'll never know what dreams are like and this time, Neku doesn't deflect. He sympathizes, and for the first time since entering the game, allows himself to be emotionally vulnerable: 

"I know. I…. I'm sad too. We'll just have to live a little extra. For her sake."

From this point onward, Neku begins to grow positively, slowly but surely. He's not friends with Shiki yet, but he feels safe enough in her company to not only express sorrow but caring enough to encourage her to keep pressing forward; for Rhyme's sake. The next day Shiki is quiet and sad due to being confronted on her self-hatred, and Neku doesn't know how to deal with her lack of cheeriness. But instead of being annoyed with her like before, he's visibly concerned and wondering what's wrong; and he tries to engage with her as much as possible: asking for her viewpoint on the daily mission and what they should do, etc. When he learns the truth about Shiki's identity, Neku just listens patiently and afterwards, his monologue is much more positive and understanding:

All this time..she's been as confused as me.

He now realizes that she's just as scared and upset as he is and he empathizes with that, going even further to say that "I like you the way you are" when Shiki expresses fear in being brought back due to her underlying jealousy: he appreciates her, every aspect of her; not because she's perfect, but just for who she is. Later on when Shiki hesitates to scan Eri and runs away Neku gives her the push to do so: as said earlier, he values the truth, and he knows that Shiki needs to face it if she's going to improve as a person- and we see him beginning to exhibit his wisdom. He's not really gentle, but his honesty is needed. When Shiki begins comparing herself to Eri and self-deprecating, he intervenes, in his own way: 

"Oh, would you cut the crap? Who ARE you? You're you. You're not Eri. You'll never be Eri. You'll only ever be you."

Neku reiterates what Shiki told him earlier, about never wanting to be Eri, but he goes a step further. She only went as far as to say she wanted to love herself, but that she never could; while Neku asserts to her that being herself is absolute and unchangeable. Shiki mildly protests this though, saying that Eri is "so much better". To her, while she does value her identity the most, Eri's identity makes her feel inferior. She wants to be her own self, but Eri, in her eyes, is perfect, something that she cannot achieve. And that is why Neku's reply is so important.

"Forget her! You need to live your own life. If she can do it, so can you. All that matters is that you try. You're lucky you're jealous. It gives you something to shoot for. So..shoot."

Up to this point, Shiki has measured the worth of her identity based upon comparison to others, and Neku understands that and tells her upfront  that she needs to stop trying to be somebody that she isn't and be confident in her own self, and just do her best- and that'll be enough. He also encourages her to use her jealousy in a productive way, to find her niche; her drive. This gives Shiki the courage to go back and listen to what Eri has to say, and in doing this she hears her friend praise her positive traits, ones that Shiki herself most likely never even realized: her empathy and love for people, her eye for detail, her skill in creating things, her passion and motivation-

 ALL things, that according to Eri, "I don't have." And Shiki finally understands that Eri saw her as her equal and that who she is, is valued. Of course, a few positive reinforcements is not enough to do a 180 from most likely years of self-hatred, and so she asks Neku again if she's okay the way she is; and his reply shows yet more growth:

"Hey, Shibuya's got room for all types."

This is a STARK contrast to his dialogue when we first meet him- "All the world needs is me," "You have your values, and I have mine," etc. Neku valued his identity, but he took it to the extreme in that he ONLY valued his identity, values, and morals. After meeting Shiki though, his viewpoint changes a bit and at this point Neku now appreciates diversity- he's still not at the point that he feels he can understand other people, but he at least doesn't see conflict of morals as a bad thing anymore. And in turn, this gives Shiki the inner strength to want to go back to the RG and start afresh. He gives her one last push to go back when she hesitates since she was the only one granted a second chance, with the promise to see her again; and in just a week, Shiki goes from being the biggest pain in Neku's side to his biggest motivation for surviving the second game and one of his best friends.

Joshua

Another week, another partner.

What's interesting about Joshua is that he is also blue, just a lighter shade. While Shiki is Neku's opposite, Joshua is more akin to his shadow- a mirror, of sorts.

Light Blue: peace, serenity, ethereal, spiritual, infinity

Josh and Neku are extremely similar, but their personalities still converge at enough points that they're starkly different: their tempers especially are a separating point as Neku is much snappier than Joshua (especially if provoked), and despite Josh being represented by a lighter color, in a lot of ways, he symbolizes his partner's negative traits in even more extreme ways in a subversion to expectations; a "darker" version of him, in a sense. 

When they first meet, these two also clash, but for entirely different reasons. Joshua's attitude, as well as his dodginess, pisses Neku off immensely. While his first week with Shiki is about relearning how to build trust, his second week is a test of said trust by giving him a partner very similar to his former self: distant, aloof, uncaring. It gets especially tricky when Neku scans Joshua and sees himself dead, and he begins to distance himself again; deciding that there is no way that he can trust him- and not only that, but that it'd be ridiculous to do so. Neku senses something is off: he doesn't know what it is, but it unsettles him enough that he is steadfast in his decision to keep Josh at arm's length.

...Until he and Josh visit Mr. Hanekoma, and upon learning that his teammate and Mr. H are acquainted, Neku decides that perhaps Joshua isn't as bad as he initially thought: but he's still pretty hesitant; and understandably so. Mr. H gives him some backstory of his partner, and his motives start to come to light - turns out, Joshua has been able to see the game while living, and that alienated him from other people since Hanekoma was the only one he could confide in. Just like with Neku, this doesn't justify his behavior, but it does make it understandable: Josh pushes away people by playfully antagonizing them and making himself difficult, and Neku pushes them away through hostility. 

When he and Josh visit Udagawa, they connect on both not doing well in groups and Joshua comments that they're more alike than he thought, which leads into a conversation about people not being able to understand each other as long as they have their own worlds and Neku begins to backslide a little:

"Right? They're them, and I'm me. Talking to them gets me nothing."

He goes on to say he respects CAT and their philosophy about doing your own thing and how he needs to just enjoy his life and forget about others, and Josh agrees. While Shiki is Neku's friend, she is the exception, not the norm, and Neku still doesn't trust most people. However, when Josh expresses not needing other people's values, Neku's reply is interesting. He agrees outwardly, but it's hesitant, as if he's unsure of himself. 

"Yeah..."

His inner thoughts show us that once again, he is changing.

But...I don't feel that way anymore. Since coming to the UG, reading people's minds- Shibuya's full of people with just as many viewpoints. Mr. H said the world ends with me. To expand my world, I have to learn to look farther- not write off other people's values as inferior. 

….Maybe I had it backwards. Maybe I need to open up to really enjoy- 

Josh calls him and snaps him out of his thoughts so we don't know what he was going to think next, but Neku has definitely experienced a massive paradigm shift in his way of thinking: he's inwardly questioning himself and acknowledging his wrongs and showing willingness to trust again and is showing a lot more empathy to other people. However, this resolve begins to crack when more holes in his memory get filled. Neku is angry and confused, but most of all, he's hurt and we see it in his reaction when Josh asks if he's okay; because he distances himself again. This situation causes him grow distant once more and he also gets more openly prickly since his trust is shaky. Josh relating to him that he feels he belongs in the UG doesn't help matters, either.

However, a later conversation has him moving forwards again. While acknowledging that people are not meant to see eye to eye, he thinks to himself that perhaps it is better that way. People don't think alike, but they can at least try to understand each other; and he then gets the resolve to actually counter Joshua's argument of solely reading people's thoughts and not talking to them.

"But why? Where's the enjoyment in that? I'd rather broaden my world my own way."

And again, we get a small paradigm shift of Neku feeling comfortable enough to express the positive changes that he has slowly been experiencing: blue symbolizes stability, and by this point in the story he is obtaining more and more of it: in his values, in his emotional expression, in how he deals with people, etc. He gets thrown for an immense loop learning that Joshua is alive though, and Neku finally snaps when his teammate brushes it off claiming they're "just like any other pair"-

He's utterly disgusted by Joshua treating the Game as an adrenaline rush- even when Neku first got into the Reaper's Game, he never enjoyed it, even if he initially was only looking out for himself at first; and the idea of getting excitement from toying with death is foreign to him. It only gets worse when Neku accuses Josh that HE killed him, and simply is taunted in return. From that point onward, he becomes openly hostile and snappy again, throwing the idea of trusting his teammate to the wind and tells him upfront that he's only going to tolerate him to survive; leaning back on his negative qualities (because growth is a process and there will be moments of wavering and backwards steps, and that's normal!)

Later on he also shows open distress when a Reaper is attacked and they are unable to save him; declaring they "left him to die." Even though it wasn't any fault of their own, Neku self-blames just like Shiki did in the first week- thinking that he could've done something, maybe if he had gotten there sooner, or defeated the Noise faster. While not 100%, Neku is comfortable enough to openly express sorrow, and Joshua underhandedly sympathizes and takes the blame off him ("We did what we had to do Neku.") He also protects Sota from Noise later down the line even though his partner is already erased and he's going to die anyway and again expresses sadness ("If only we'd gotten here earlier") and even indignation after the older man dies, screaming in anger about all the people who have been erased ("These are people, not toys!!"). When Josh questions him about the interest in others, he then explains that he's gotten to know folks better and that "it's different now".

"They're not just strangers. I can't shut them out like that." 

This is really important because in this, Neku is essentially declaring he cannot go back to who he used to be; nor does he WANT to. He refuses to, and he is making a conscious effort to be open to other people even if he doesn't understand them. Neku goes on to assert that one needs to reach out to others as well in counter to Josh asserting that he won't ever be able to understand others and this time, Joshua responds positively. Through Neku's steadfastness and refusal to waver on his viewpoints once he truly feels solid in them, and his courage to express them and not back down; he influences Joshua into thinking that perhaps people truly do need each other and can understand each other, even if it isn't easy to do so. In showing sympathy towards his enemies, he also proves again and again that people can change too, for the better; and his wisdom begins to shine once more. (And it is this change that ultimately leads Joshua to decide to save Shibuya) Unfortunately, Neku is thrown for yet another loop upon getting more of his memory back and thinking that Sho killed him, and Josh sacrificing himself is absolutely world-rocking.

He blames himself again, angry at himself for not opening up; and it is with this mindset that he is thrown into the Reaper's Game for the final time. His trust is in shambles, and the third week is Neku's personal test to see if he is willing to reach out despite being recently wounded by his partner.

Speaking of, Joshua doesn't really have an arc compared to the rest of the cast: rather, he serves as the catalyst to their growth instead. His character is interesting because from beginning to end, he expresses essentially none of the positive attributes of the color he is represented by; he only appears to at first glance. While Josh does change his mind about destroying UG Shibuya and is convinced that people can change for the better, whether he himself changes for the better is up for debate. Orange is the second color associated with him (it's the shade of his cell phone and his stickers), but just like with light blue, he expresses none of its positive traits.

Orange: enthusiasm, happiness, creativity, determination, encouragement

Negative symbolism of orange includes insensitivity, pessimism, and being unsociable, all aspects of Joshua's character. He doesn't think that people can change; and that it is impossible to understand them (he even goes as far to express "I'd rather just get rid of them" in a dark contrast to Neku, who is content to merely ignore people). Josh doesn't like groups of people either, and he exhibits insensitivity many times throughout the second week, merely behaving charismatic in order to interact with others. He doesn't really grow outwardly, but that's not the point of his character; he's Neku's test to see if he's truly changed or not.

Joshua is Neku's shadow, he's in the same vein. Rather than night and day, they are as dusk and midnight.

Beat

Beat is interesting because his color was actually switched for Final Remix: in the original DS version Beat is green, and in the Switch version he is yellow. I'm going to dive into both because I feel they're equally important. I already covered green for Shiki, but green has yet another meaning which describes Beat to a tee- safety. While Shiki is the moral support and mediator, he is the protector: he's extremely sacrificing for his sister and the people he cares about to the point of putting himself in physical danger to keep them safe (such as jumping in front of a car to save Rhyme, or jumping in front of Neku to protect him from a brainwashed Shiki). That much stays constant throughout the game. Healing also applies to him, as he helps Neku to open up and feel safe being emotional again by not being ashamed of being emotional himself: Beat openly cries over Rhyme and Neku mourns with him, and they help each other heal by learning to rely on one another. Not just as partners, but as friends.

Yellow: joy, warmth, positivity, friendship

From the get go, Beat is a huge bundle of energy and he's extremely kind; although he gets rather volatile if he feels slighted. But like with Shiki, he's overall a very sweet person and openly emotional: he gets angry in a heartbeat, laughs heartily when he's happy, and cries freely when he's sad- and his tears are never portrayed in a negative manner either; they're just a normal reaction to a sad situation and this normalization of sorrow leads to Neku getting comfortable again in being vulnerable- one could argue he's the most emotional in Week 3. Yellow is the complementary color to purple, which is also the main shade of Neku's design. Rather than an opposite like Shiki, or a shadow like Joshua, Beat is Neku's foil. He's a lot kinder and he's got a big heart but he is also extremely impulsive and acts w/o thinking. In contrast, Neku thinks things through logically, but he's a little lacking emotionally; and so they balance each other out. He's also highly attune to when Neku starts withdrawing into himself and gently snaps him out of it constantly; showing once again his sensitivity to emotion. (He consistently asks Neku if he's okay when he gets lost in thought; which Neku does a lot, especially if he's upset. Beat keeps him grounded.)

Beat's arc is finding value in himself again + doing his best; not for other people, but for himself and finding his drive. When mourning Rhyme, he vents that "she thought I was worth dying for" and that she had much more to live for, and he doesn't understand why she'd sacrifice for him. (And he blames himself for her death, as well) While Beat is protective out of the kindness of his heart, it also comes from a lack of self-worth: he places other people above himself, to a fault. Neku sympathizes with his grief but then goes a step farther to encourage him to not be regretful. In another contrast to Shiki, rather than another's identity making him feel inferior to the point of emulating them and overshooting, Beat jumps to the other side of the ditch and loses his passion altogether. 

Rhyme refused to give up on him, but eventually Beat began to resent her pity and he began to push her away as well. After they both died and came to the Game though, Rhyme's declaration that she had nothing to live for startled him into realizing that she meant a lot more to him than he thought and more than anything else; he wanted to be there for her as she was for him. After beating himself up, Neku comforts Beat in his own way, telling him that he needs to focus on the now and not let his sorrow overcome him, in essence; but also to go the distance just for himself, not for anyone else.

And Beat gets his fire all over again, eventually declaring that Neku isn't his partner anymore- he's a friend, and one that he cares about a lot.

Through his partners, Neku finds himself, they all strengthen different aspects of him. He learns to trust, to be open, to find value in friendship again and him taking off his headphones is the ultimate metaphor of him letting the world back in.

Shiki, his opposite.

Joshua, his shadow.

Beat, his foil. 

They all shaped his world, and showed Neku just how wonderful it really is.

And that is beautiful.

[joyfuladorable]

< Vol. 24+25 | OT Masterpost | Vol. 27 >

Rereading Oresama Teacher Volume 26

Don’t smile like nothing’s wrong with this situation, Maki.  I wanna squash you up into a basketball and dunk you like in Space Jam

Mafuyu, you hurtled yourself backwards through a window while tied to a chair.  I’m sure you could rig something to smash these windows and get out

Fuck you, Maki.  FUCK YOU!!  How dare you act like nothing’s wrong and just go to school like normal

Mafuyu’s letting her curiosity get the best of her, so she’ll stay until she figures out what’s up with Maki

Saeki can’t ever diss himself without complimenting himself at the same time

Hindsight 20/20.  Who else would Toko have been talking to in those scenes before?

You’re just gonna let your servant abduct someone???

OMG Maki got Mafuyu a NINNINDO SWITCH?!

EWW, no no no, you broke Mafuyu’s brain by getting that dress for her

Now she has no brain cells and is devoting herself to Toko because, of course, she is very gay and mean, rich girls are her favorite

The play’s director has a very specific image in her head, and Yui’s not helping with the flexibility either

Seriously, Toko, the fuck are you planning??

Hayasaka wrote a letter AND tried to visit Mafuyu on his own to check on her??  He really misses his Best Friend owo

Is it possible for me to pluck a character out of a narrative and squish them like a grape?

How is whatever you’re doing making Toko smile????  I mean, yeah, Mafuyu being a doofus is making her smile in a very sadistic way, but I don’t think that’s what you want, right??

Smart of Mafuyu to send a message, but… how did she know that bird was Josephine?  And why was Josephine just conveniently flying nearby??

Wait… Okegawa didn’t bring Torikichi with him to Uni?  WAIT.  DID OKEGAWA JUST LET TORIKICHI GO FREE???

At least Yui got his letter, and now he and Saeki FINALLY know.  GEEZ

I can’t believe Mafuyu hasn’t figured out Inuzuka is Saeki, yet

Okay, I get that they want to gather more info, but it really feels icky that she’s still captive in this place

I think Toko’s into absolute idiots who adore her

Lol, Mafuyu thinking that pretending to be a dying goldfish would be a good plan…

Pulling up all her TV drama experience to get Maki to leave

ALSO, WHY DO YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT TRICKING HIM HE KIDNAPPED YOU!!!

Mafuyu’s plan succeeding catches Toko off guard!  She’s not as much of a dumb mutt as you think!

The Hanabusa family dynamic sucks.  There was absolutely a much better way to reconcile your different child raising philosophies.  Why didn’t you let your two kids see each other??

Baby Toko just abducts a delinquent off the street so she can make him into her pseudo big brother… And Maki wants his little sister back… So he’s… cool with it, I guess…

Toko acts tsundere towards her real older brother but actually really likes him.  And Maki’s cool with it, too!  What a nice happy ending if not for their parents divorcing

Toko doesn’t want to get separated again and thinks that Miyabi’s cool with it because she didn’t listen to the rest of what he was saying to their mom

ohh shit, she’s done with having a replacement brother and being a replacement sister, and Maki’s coping system is wack

WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH MAKI, TOKO??? WTF??!!?

Still gotta figure out what happened with Maki during all the West High power struggle stuff, so let’s contact Inuzuka/Saeki!!

Saeki gets sidetracked to watch a bunch of teens beat the shit out of each other

And then all of said teens figure out who he is and try to fight him cuz, why not?

Yup, defeating the entirety of East and West High is definitely self-defense

Kangawa and Sakurada are now leeches who want Saeki’s power for themselves

Are the other guys at this drinking party just gonna ignore that Saeki has a couple high schoolers swapping his alcohol for juice while he milks info out of this guy? … Of course they are.  Saeki was their bancho, after all

Tragic tale of a delinquent that just wanted to be with his sister… That still doesn’t validate any of what Maki is doing right now, though

Thank you, Omakes, for showing that Okegawa will never escape from his two best friends, Goto and Kawauchi.  Also, they literally upgraded their looks to Yakuza level accidentally, and I respect that

Bonus chapter of Yui being unsatisfied with everyone’s Miyabi impressions.  No one is as good as the real thing.  Also, why didn’t he ask Kanon to do an impression?

[jcmorrigan]

Valentine’s Day F/O Letter

For the event hosted by @nougatships​ and @megane-shipping​! I decided to write a letter to Giovanni Potage from EE because I am love him SO MUCH right now. Anyway, it got kinda long, so most of it will be under a cut.

***

Hi Gio,

             This is the first time I’ve ever really written anything of length to you. To any of the ones I love this way, really. Beginnings are hard. There’s so much I want to say, and I’m not sure where to even start. So let’s get the basics out of the way: how are you doing? Successful heists lately? Epic tales of villainy I simply must know about?

           I’ve been fine. Life’s boring, as usual. I would say I don’t even know how you put up with it, but I’ve seen your couch-potato side, so that’s not really a big mystery. I like that. I like that you’re equally up for breaking the mold with some adventure and just…kicking it. (Wow. That’s some old slang. When’s the last time anyone said “kicking it”? Me. Just now.)

           So as for the reason I’m writing this letter…I think it’s best if I just begin in chronological order. So you and I both know you’re not the only one in my heart, and I’m glad you respect this. There’s a time, a place, and an AU for you, and it doesn’t make you any less special. But I’m always stunned when I look back at how we met. The others, it took time to realize I loved them, and how much they meant to me. But you? You broke through that fuckin’ museum wall, and I KNEW you were my type. If you want the receipts, I have the Discord chat of when I was talking to my friend while watching you and screaming about how much I wanted to cuddle you. (LISTEN. I KNOW THAT WAS FORWARD. I’M SORRY FOR BEING A CREEP. SOMETIMES I’M A STALKER.) …Actually, the exact words were when my friend, knowing you were my type, said “If he were any further up your alley, he’d be at your house” and I said “He could come to my house anytime” and I’m sorry your girlfriend is such a creep.

           I haven’t felt that instant…fall that many times in my life. The last time I can remember it, it was for someone real. As in who originates in my world. I think you’ve figured out that sometimes, I compare you to him. That chase went on such a runaround…with men, my whole life after him, I’ve thought of them as goals to achieve. I got the attention of the hot one! Yay! Finally! Now he can love me and all of my little quirks, even though I’m super boring! And I’m not saying that’s incredibly wrong. I’ve made some good relationships that way, actually. (All fictional, of course.)

           But you…what struck me is how much I wanted to be with you for your sake. Not mine. Not to bandy about getting you to notice me, or playing the tsundere game, or worrying I’m not good enough. Sure, I like a slowburn and a good confession, but I really just wanted to be close to you because you made me smile. You had a good sense of humor, you have that unbreakable lighthearted confidence I adore…you’re a little bit of an idiot, but in the absolute best way possible (and you have emotional smarts where I don’t). And on that note! You’re one of the nicest guys I know! Even if you are the bad guy.

           Which was kind of the two-hit combo that slayed me. I have a villain problem. You know this. I know this. I wasn’t sure how to handle it. Some days, I want to be a villain, myself, and have the freedom to do what I want, take revenge on those I feel wronged me, take whatever my heart desires, just not have to live by the RULES anymore. But some days, I become acutely aware of my conscience. Could I ever be a real villain? Could I actually steal? Could I KILL? I think about the people I’d hurt, and I don’t wanna do that. I now know that depending on the situation, I can laugh with the sinners and cry with the saints. (Little Billy Joel for ya.) But with you, I know I don’t really have to…pick. You let me be me, and you let me have that freedom of just…doing bad things that are against the rules. And it feels AWESOME. But then, we never really take it too far, and we still have our friendships, our standards, our moral codes, our etiquette. Basically, you’ll let me be the good guy, too, and you’re just a sweetie pie. Some days, I need to toe the line more; some days, I need to shed blood. But you let me suspend in between, getting the best of both worlds.

           And all this is why I think…maybe you’re my favorite out of all of them. It makes me feel guilty to love you best when I’ve given my heart to two others, and who knows where it will stop? But it’s you I find myself thinking of most often. You who I’d have fun with. You who’d make me smile. You who I’d want to make smile.

           Also, I realized lately. I don’t get jealous over you, not like I thought I would. I like seeing you depicted with other partners, the Blasters or other selfshippers/OCs. I love when I meet someone else who had the good enough taste to fall for you! If you want to invite Crusher or Spike or anyone else you like to be part of this…I know you have enough love for all of us. We can all be happy together. Just say the word!

           Knowing you would support me emotionally no matter what is touching. I’ve relied on you for a lot. I’ve done scary grown-up government stuff while listening to your theme. I invited you to the crew that would go on that flight with me because I hate airplanes so much, and I knew you would give me amazing distraction-cuddles (though I suspect you, also, fear the airplane, and if I’m right about that, I admire you so much for not letting it show). There are times I…really hate myself, or feel worthless. Especially because I have so much trouble validating myself. But I know you’d just put a hand on my shoulder and tell me it’s going to be all right before inviting me to slip on some ski masks and pretty supervillain clothes so we can go hijack sugar cookies from the bakery. (Pink for you. You always have dibs on the pink ones! I haven’t forgotten! And blue for me <3)

           The adventures we’ve been on in my imagination…the walks around Twilight Town (YEAH YEAH I KNOW WRONG WORK OF FICTION), snuggling up in your knitted blankets (which are SO SOFT), making my villainess dress together, the first kiss on the rooftop, dancing like idiots, THE HEISTS…it all makes me really happy. You remind me that I don’t necessarily have to “grow up” to be a grown-up. And, I mean, I knew that, but you make sure I REALLY know that. (Speaking of which, don’t you love how if you add the two of us parents’-basement-dwellers together, you probably end up with one [1] functioning adult?)

           I also really have to thank you for being accepting of my asexuality. I’m always scared it will push others away. They say men only want one thing, right? And I am unfortunately attracted to men. Yaaaaay me. But there are big exceptions to the rule, and you’ve always been the one to say “Fuck gender roles!” I feel like when I’m with you, I never have to worry that you’ll be wanting something I can’t give you.

           In return, I will accept you no matter your body, your identity. I’ve run into a couple different takes on you, but they’re all you.

           I guess that brings me to the hard part of this. This is going public, so I don’t know how specific I want to get. But there was a very powerful force that suggested I couldn’t see you through my own eyes. That no one could do so. It almost tore us apart. I thought it was my moral obligation to let you go. I thought loving you would mean taking a stand on the wrong side and hurting my friends. I thought that what would happen is that every time I thought of you, I would be reminded of ugly truths and harsh realities.

           But after two days, I missed you so much. It was a good wake-up call to know this relationship wasn’t completely baggage-free, and it reminded me that I have many characters in my life who I want to give my attention, but it also proved to me that if I tried to let you go…I would have to physically push you away instead, and in the end, I couldn’t do it. I think back all the time to how good of a brother-dad-mentor-figure you were to Molly, and how you got worried about Fred’s astigmatism, and how I was sure you’d get along with so many of the characters who already made up my world, and how this spoke to your heart. Oh, and also, I needed your dumb ass to say loitering in front of a truck was a valid crime. (Please don’t ever loiter in front of a truck. I’m begging you.) I need you to show me how easily you shift from Grandma Mode to Knife Mode with your knitting needle, to be proud of the way you season your soup attacks, to keep making your own capes, to insist on the benefits of wielding a bat with a fucking knife taped to it, to jet your friends to safety when they’re afraid of such things as fire and traitor bears.

           Whatever comes of all that, I hope there can still be a space for us. You and me. And I’m confident it will happen, now. It already is happening. Because I know that you’d just want me to be happy, no matter where you fell on the issue that began it. And you love and respect my friends, too. I know you see us as our own little group of villains and co-minions and talk about us like we’re an evil team that has to take care of each other, and that’s…honestly so cute. Too bad I’m terrible at putting your words to work. Maybe one day. When I learn how to find the approval I seek without fighting it out of people. But I think that was the moment it went from a crush to actually loving you. When I saw how you would do that with Molly. With everyone. Make sure they knew how valid they were. I…feel bad that I haven’t been able to live up to this lately. Like I’ve failed you. But I can always try again, right? That’s what you’d want me to do! And I do improve on things every day. One day, the minion will surpass her villain (but still stay around with you because that’s what we do)! I hope I can support you in the same way – that when you have things that trouble your mind, that I can help you feel better and get you toward a solution to the problem.

           I know I’m safe with you, and I want to keep you safe, too. I know how much you’d put on the line to defend me, and I just want to protect you from all of the bad in your world – from snooty Vice Principals who call their armies to beat you up (I’m still SO SORRY you went through that!), from the law chasing you away from all that’s familiar, from all the insults and mockery that could ever come your way. I want to stand before you like a shield. To gather the troops of the other characters I know and form a protection squad around you. To make you smile. (Even if you are really, really cute when you cry. Look, I’m not gonna beat around the bush – I do love getting to comfort you. It SUCKS that you have to go through the hard times, but I like…being there. I hope that doesn’t make a sadist of me. Yeah, yeah, I know, that’s an overreaction.)

           By the way, I’m kinda sorry for not ordering the lobster bisque at the pub in the airport. I was gonna because of you! But I chickened out! And that salmon I got instead was REALLY good, okay? But it’s a double whammy because I had JUST found out the soup place in the mall closed and I need to make up for this. There will be soup!

           (As of the most recent draft, I had a horrid stomachache last Sunday, and chicken soup was all I could eat for most of the day. I thought of you. Though yours would’ve been better than Campbell’s and we both know it.)

           Fun fact: you are dating a silly, sappy lady. I keep thinking back to this letter – I drafted it once, then went back and added things, and here I am saying I ALMOST mailed this without talking up your looks. Which is probably a good thing because it means I’m primarily with you for your personality, but everyone deserves to feel like they look nice, so here goes: I love your silly, sly smirk. I love your cute little fangies. I love your untamed pink hair. I love when I can see just how deep-pink your eyes are. I love how much of a beanpole you are, and how much taller you are than me (even if it does mean you can’t carry me bridal-style for more than thirty seconds). I love how innocent you can look, and how you can look the absolute OPPOSITE of innocent when you want to. I love the way your face lights up when you’re happy about something, or when you’re being cocky. I love the way you wear your emotions on your sleeve, and I can always see how you feel just by looking (I’m bad at body language and reading between lines, after all). Do not ever doubt that is one handsome man looking back at you from the other side of the mirror! Because I could just watch your smile for so long, unbroken, you don’t even know.

           Thank you for being you. Thank you for letting me be me. Thank you for the fact that we’re our silly selves and we can be grown-ups without growing up in the gray space between good and evil. I can’t wait to see you more – in your own story, where I’m not; in the story just for us, in our own little timeline; in the TBTCverse Twilight Town where we are hounded by complex crossover lore; in the beautiful art everyone draws of you; in any other universe that may bring us together.

           And someday, the time might come that we have to part ways romantically. I’m not looking forward to that. I’m really not. I hope it doesn’t happen. But someday, we might not have the chemistry anymore, or you might find someone better, or I might have to put more focus in what I guess is the “real world.” If that day comes, I hope we can still be friends and mean something to each other. Zucchinis/QPPs, preferably. But if we have to be more distant…just so that I can think of you, and you can think of me, and we’ll both treasure those memories.

           I love you, Giovanni. Or should I say “Boss”?

 Sincerely, with all my heart,

Rachel “Composer” Scribere/Inlustris

(P.S. I wasn’t sure which universe’s last name I should put, seeing as I obviously am not going to write my last name in THIS world, so there, have both the ones you know me as.)

(P.P.S. “If there’s a place that I could be, then I’d be another memory. Can I be the only hope for you? Because you’re the only hope for me.” ~MCR, “The Only Hope for Me Is You,” Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys)

[ladyanatui]

Ultimate Daiken Playlist, Pt. 2

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

This is the abridged version of my Spotify playlist for all things Daiken, organized from the start of 02 to...eventually.

Part 2 specifically covers from Ken finding Wormmon’s Digi-Tama to just after XV-mon and Stingmon Jogress-evolve into Paildramon.

TRIGGER WARNING: This post discusses depression, suicide, emotional abuse, and PTSD quite a lot. Take care of yourselves, folks!

Spotify Playlist

Click the song titles for YouTube links (apparently you can’t have more than five videos in a post), and otherwise, enjoy me rambling about Daiken.

One final note: Within the lyrics, I’ve emphasized meaningful words, such as night/nightmare, dark/darkness, miracle(s), kind/kindness, courage/bravery, friend/friendship, sun/star/light, fire/burn/ignite, angel(s), and words related to water/drowning.

“What If This Is All the Love You Ever Get?” by Snow Patrol

What if it hurts like hell? Then it'll hurt like hell Come on over, come on over here I'm in the ruins too I know the wreckage so well Come on over, come on over here What if this is all the love you ever get?

If “Tell Me Why” by Three Days Grace focuses on Wormmon’s death, this song focuses on Ken’s trip to the Village of Beginnings, where he finds Wormmon’s egg and brings him back. Because Ken is absolutely scared that he won’t be able to find Wormmon because, as far as he believes, he doesn’t deserve to have him back. Obviously, that’s not true, and the pair is reunited and Wormmon even evolves to Stingmon between episodes (unfortunately).

“Aftermath” by Adam Lambert

Wanna scream out, no more hiding Don't be afraid of what's inside Gonna tell ya you'll be alright In the aftermath

Alright, this song is probably pretty obvious. Ken has to deal with the aftermath of what happened to him/what he did, and so do the rest of the Chosen Children. The others are cleaning up the Digital World while he’s learning to be an eleven-year-old boy again and allowing his parents to get to know him for the first time, even while he still tries to figure out who he is.

“Demons” by The All-American Rejects

Am I even here? Is it still even me? Am I some of the man that I still claim to be? It's like losing a fight, I'm alone in the ring You come to fix me? Would you believe, could you believe you need me?

Obviously, it’s not that easy, though. And when we experience trauma the way Ken does, having his choices and very personality taken from him, there’s a long road of recovery.

“Sinking Man” by Of Monsters and Men

Cold, dark sea Wrapping its arms around me Pulling me down to the deep All eyes on me

I pushed you away Although I wished you could stay So many words left unsaid But I'm all out of breath

I associate this song especially with the scene Ken and Daisuke share by the canal, where Daisuke asks Ken to apologize and join the team. The moment apologizing is mentioned, Ken agrees--which, of course, has Daisuke over the moon--but then he asks if Daisuke thinks the others would forgive him, if a mere apology would make up for everything he did.

Although he’s certainly right about them not accepting an apology without action and follow-through to back it up, he’s also (surprise, surprise) self-sabotaging. And that’s even more apparent the moment Daisuke calls him their “partner.” Ken flips out and runs off pretty quickly.

“The Real You” by Three Days Grace

And it seems like I've known you forever I'll keep you safe for one more night Need you to know that it's all right I see the real you Even if you don't I do I do

And this is the other side of the coin. Daisuke’s perspective of that same scene/situation. Because Daisuke looked into the Digimental of Miracles and he knows that Ken is good. He knows it with all his freaking beautiful heart, and he’s willing to completely ignore the other Chosen Children when they outright tell him they don’t want Ken on the team. He doesn’t care what they say because he knows how wrong they are, and he knows how wrong Ken is about himself.

It’s pretty safe to say that Daisuke is the only person in all of 02 who sees Ken for who he really is, and he’s willing to put everything on the line, including the team morale and dynamics, to support Ken.

“Numb” by Linkin Park

Can't you see that you're smothering me? Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control 'Cause everything that you thought I would be Has fallen apart right in front of you Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow Every step that I take is another mistake to you Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow And every second I waste is more than I can take

What playlist about a character with depression would be complete without this? “Numb” is an iconic depression song, made even more so by Chester Bennington’s death, though Linkin Park has so many songs related to depression and mental health.

**Okay, it’s pretty safe to say the next six songs have to do with the two-part episode (episodes 26 & 27) revolving around Daisuke and Ken’s initial Jogress evolution. It’s kind of a big deal, so it’s a big deal in the playlist as well. The event functions as 02′s midpoint and centerpiece, so it’s one of the most emotionally charged and important scenes in the whole season. It really can’t be summed up in a song or two.**

“This Is How I Disappear” by My Chemical Romance

Can you hear me cry out to you? Words I thought I'd choke on figure out I'm really not so with you anymore I'm just a ghost So I can't hurt you anymore

This song in particular is about Ken’s suicidal ideation, the technical term for suicidal thoughts. Ken is what is sometimes called “gray suicidal” (since people often think of suicide in black and white terms, which isn’t accurate) because he has no specific plan to kill him, he’s never attempted suicide, and he doesn’t want to actually die.

And yet, he thinks about death a lot and that he deserves to die and that his death would help fix things because he can’t hurt anyone if he’s dead. He wants to punish himself, and he wants to carry all of the burden because he thinks he deserves it. (Obviously, this isn’t true, as Ken’s story arc is more about overcoming trauma than about redeeming himself--but you’d have a hard time convincing Ken of that fact.)

“Friend, Please” by Twenty One Pilots

Would you let me know your plans tonight 'Cause I just won't let go till we both see the light And I have nothing else left to say But I will listen to you all day, yes, I will

So basically, these next couple songs sum up the argument Daisuke and Ken have before their digivices light up for the Jogress evolution. First, Daisuke tries to convince Ken to let them help, that they’ll work together, but...

“Save Yourself” by My Darkest Days

I’m the devil’s son straight out of hell And you’re an angel with a haunted heart If you’re smart you’d run and protect yourself From the demon living in the dark There’s nothing to be gained cause I can never change And you can never understand my sickness

Oh, look, Ken is being stubborn and frustrating and self-sabotaging yet again. He legitimately thinks the others will be better off if they leave him alone, and he means that both because if he’s the only one inside the base when it explodes, they’ll survive and because if they keep their distance from him in regards to friendship, he can’t hurt them emotionally. And worst of all, he’s roped Wormmon/Stingmon in on this suicidal atonement thing. *smh*

Ken: I won’t let people suffer anymore because of what I did...no more. ... I want to restore the Digital World with my own hands, but things just keep getting worse. I can’t stand it! Stingmon (to XV-mon): If there’s any way I can atone for the sins I’ve committed... Ken: It doesn’t matter what happens to me! Right now, I have to stop this reactor.

Bonus points for references to angels and hearts, though since this is from Ken’s perspective, Daisuke would be the “angel with a haunted heart.” Not sure that imagery works well, but the rest of it does.

“Die for You” by Starset

Some day when galaxies collide We'll be lost on different skies I will send my rocket ship to find you Because I know you're lost when you run away Into the same black holes and black mistakes Taking all my will just to run alone Until I bring you home

And what’s Daisuke’s reaction to Ken being stubborn and stupid? Bitch-slap him! He fucking needs it. (That’s everyone’s solution in this show, I swear.) And Daisuke isn’t going to let him get away with that shit. He yells and shouts and berates Ken until he finally looks at it from someone else’s perspective:

Daisuke: You idiot! *slap* How can you say that? Daisuke: Think of who would be sad if you were gone. If I let you go now and you never come back, I’ll regret it forever. So I won’t let you go! Daisuke: You may be okay with it, but I’m not. Ken: Motomiya... Daisuke: Live! Daisuke: If you die now, you won’t be able to accomplish anything. I don’t want that. Ken: I don’t want that either. There are still many things I must do. Ken: Besides, I don’t want to make my family sad anymore...

Note: I cut out XV-mon’s lines to Stingmon here because Daisuke’s words are the important part of this conversation, but I separated Daisuke’s lines where XV-mon spoke for clarity.

“Divide” by Bastille

Why would we divide when we could come together? Just bodies that collide, lost and found each other So don't, don't leave me alone Don't leave me alone, don't leave me alone Why would we divide when we could come together?

It’s only after that, after they understand each other on a monumental level, that they are able to Jogress evolve. And boy is that an experience. No other Jogress partners (except maybe Taichi and Yamato) have this intense of an experience with Jogress evolution, none have their bond.

And quite frankly, this song is about as poorly veiled a hint at sex as Jogress evolution is. Just listen to it. You’ll see.

But this song also shows Ken’s hesitation when it comes to Jogress. They work so well together, they’re completely in sync, they understand each other, but he’s definitely not ready to join the team or be Daisuke’s partner.

“Heartlines” by Florence + The Machine

Your heart is the only place that I call home Can I be returned, you can You can, we can

Just keep following The heartlines on your hand

Okay, and last one about the Jogress evolution! This one should be pretty damn obvious too: When Daisuke and Ken have their initial Jogress, one of the most notable things that makes it different from all others’ Jogress experiences is the fact that they can feel/hear each other’s heartbeats.

Soul fucking mates.

“Pieces” by Sum 41

This place is so empty My thoughts are so tempting I don't know how it got so bad Sometimes it's so crazy that nothing can save me But it's the only thing that I have

But when everything is over and Daisuke explains exactly how the experience was for him (“When our Digimon combined, our thoughts and feelings flowed through each of our bodies. Our hearts beating as one…it was an amazing feeling of unity! That’s when I knew we were partners.”), Ken panics and tells him, “I’m qualified to be your partner yet,” and walks away before Daisuke really has the chance to process what happened. Despite Daisuke’s words before they Jogress-evolved, Ken is still determined to redeem himself before allowing himself to join the team.

“Run” by Snow Patrol

Light up, light up As if you have a choice Even if you cannot hear my voice I'll be right beside you, dear

Of course, that would require Daisuke to know how to take no for an answer. Even if Ken isn’t going to listen to him and join the team, he still includes him as much as he can, and he is determined to stick by Ken’s side even if he doesn’t want him there.

And it may look to an outsider like Daisuke isn’t respecting Ken’s wishes, which yeah, that’s technically true. But by this time, Daisuke understands Ken better than anyone, save Wormmon, and while Daisuke may not respect Ken’s wishes, he respects Ken more than Ken respects himself. More than anything, he wants to help Ken, and he will be there for Ken to lean on if he ever needs to.

“Not Today” by Twenty One Pilots

Heard you say, "Not today" Tore the curtains down, windows open now, make a sound Heard your voice, "There's no choice" Tore the curtains down, windows open now, make a noise

I'm, I'm out of my mind, I'm not seeing things right I waste all this time trying to run from you But I'm, I'm out of my mind

To an extent, it is because of Daisuke’s forwardness that Ken keeps running away, as Hikari says on multiple occasions. He keeps trying to run away from Daisuke, from the other Chosen Children, but for some reason (*cough* Daisuke *cough*), it doesn’t seem to stick.

“Arch Drive Goodbye” by Eve 6

Wanna keep you from breakin' Wanna keep you from shakin' Wanna keep you from keepin' You down Wanna keep you from sinkin' Wanna keep you from drinkin' Sometimes Wanna keep you from keepin' You down

Ringing in my head All the things you've said All the things you've done I wish I could compromise But there's only one way to go And I'm going alone I'm going alone

I see this song as a sort of duet. There are sections/lines that would be from Daisuke’s perspective (the first quote, though obviously ignore the line about drinking--they’re eleven) and sections that would be from Ken’s (the second quote). Daisuke wants to help him so badly, but Ken is still so determined not to need help and to go it alone.

“Someone to Save You” by OneRepublic

All right Sit down and spill your heart

Let’s start from the very start 'Cause I can see by your eyes You're wasted Your energy comes and goes You taking your time, you know Nothing can change what happened

Not that Daisuke will listen to that, right? No matter how much Ken insists he can go it alone, Daisuke is always there to be supportive. He’s just as determined to help Ken as Ken is to refuse help. Actually, no, Daisuke is way more determined. He will always, above all else, persevere.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

[stardyng]

None of Arya’s criticism of Sansa makes any sense. All of them either stem from how little she knows about her sister, her ignorance when it comes to what it means to be Lady Of Winterfell, how she’s attacking her sister just to attack her sister and how negatively she sees traditional femininity. 

1. Arya shames Sansa for sleeping in their parent’s chambers when there’s nothing wrong with doing that especially if you consider the fact that she is Lady Of Winterfell, and the past Lords and Ladies of Winterfell have all installed themselves in this specific room. It doesn’t hurt that she deserves to be there more than anyone else because she was not only the one who sparked the idea of a Northern Rebellion against the Boltons, but she is what led the Knights Of The Vale to come in and win the battle. Also, Jon prepared the room for her without even telling her in the first place when she wanted to give him the room. It’s ridiculous that Arya is judging Sansa about something that she knows nothing about. Not to forget that her last room was the room where she had to go through her traumatic rape, and it makes perfect sense for her to not want to live or sleep in there. 

2. This whole ‘’You always liked nice things, it made you feel better than everyone.’‘ is the most hypocritical thing I ever heard come from Arya’s mouth. For starters, I don’t know if anyone told her, but someone can change a lot in seven years. To make these kinds of assumptions about someone based on how they acted as a thirteen-year-old is just ridiculous. Also, let’s not forget that Arya is no stranger to looking down on other people and seeing herself as better than them. Sansa was definitely not the one who said ‘’Most girls are stupid.’’. Arya literally had the mindset that her being more masculine than the average girl made her better and she’s out there judging Sansa.

3. Arya’s problem with Sansa listening to the complaints of the Lords Of Winterfell without killing them just doesn’t make sense. It just goes to show how little Arya knows on what you have to do as Lord or Lady of Winterfell. Maester Luwin specifically stated ‘’Listening to people you’d rather not listen to is one of your responsibilities as Lord of Winterfell.’’, which means that Arya was degrading Sansa for doing her job. The whole idea of killing them for having an opinion and voicing it is tyrannical at best. Doing so would only make the people in Winterfell fear Sansa, which would make her no better than Cersei. Arya even having that opinion says quite a lot about her morals and values. Not only is doing that horrible, but it’s idiotic as well. There are no actual benefits to them dying. Jon would just lose a part of his army, and he needs every soldier in order to fight off the White Walkers. 

4. After that, Arya comes in with her whole ‘‘And if Jon doesn’t come back, you’ll need their support so you could work together.’‘. The thing is that there is nothing wrong with Sansa for preparing for any possible event happening. If Jon does die and the North isn’t ready for that, then the entire kingdom will just be ruled by chaos and disorder, which would only make it easier for the White Walkers to invade the North. Sansa being prepared for every possible event does not make her cold and power-hungry, it makes her smart and the right person to hold the North when Jon is gone. 

5. Much later, Arya introduces the idea that Ned Stark was killed by the Lannisters with Sansa’s help. Sansa writing that letter had nothing to do with why the man died. In fact, her writing that letter made the possibility of him dying slimmer. Her constant effort in making sure he lived would have been what would have made sure that he stayed alive if Joffrey hadn’t changed his mind. To begin with, Sansa was not the one who told Cersei that Joffrey was Jaime’s. Sansa was not the one who put a knife at Ned’s throat. Sansa was not the one who sentenced him to death. Sansa was not the one who threw him in prison. Sansa was not the one who chopped off his head. Sansa had very little if not nothing to do with any of that. Also, if anyone uses the book as proof that Sansa did, in fact, have something to do with him dying, I’ll like to remind you that that as the book, not the show, and now we’’re exclusively talking about the show, where Sansa did nothing wrong. when it came to that whole situation. Not to forget that Arya coming in and acting as if Sansa caused Ned’s death is just stupid when her hitting Joffrey is what led him to hate the Starks, which motivated him to abuse Sansa and kill Ned. So technically, Arya had more to do with Ned dying than Sansa did. 

6. Arya’s reasonings as to why Sansa shouldn’t have written that letter is just weak. The Lannisters were basically implying that if she didn’t write that letter, they would kill her father. Even the slimmest possibility that their threat was real is reason enough for Sansa to write that letter. So no they may not have had a knife at Sansa’s throat but they sure did have one at Ned’s. If I recall correctly, Sansa did not have the privilege to even consider whether they were lying or saying the truth because they had her father in jail. I don’t understand how her trying to save his life in the best way she can is her betraying him, Robb or the family. I’ll also add that Arya needs to stop with her acting as if Sansa was bad for being a hostage of the Lannisters when she literally served Tywin Lannister. Not only that but she had every chance to kill him and the other Lannisters with her three names and she just didn’t. 

7. Arya seems to remember very convenient parts of what happened in the past. That’s evident with her saying ‘‘I remember you standing there on that platform with Joffrey and Cersei while they dragged father to the block.’‘. Doesn’t Arya also remember how Sansa was trying to fight off the kingsguard in order to save her father from execution? Doesn’t Arya also remember Sansa screaming at the Lannisters to not execute him? Doesn’t Arya remember Sansa fainting upon seeing his dead body? She saw all of that, so I find it strange that the only thing she seems to be remembering is Sansa’s pretty dress and fancy hair. 

8. Her invalidating the fact Sansa was young also doesn’t make sense. Sansa and Lyanna are two different individuals who had different upbringings who have been put in completely divergent situations. Lyanna is surrounded by people who want the best for her, who help her make the best decisions and she’s completely safe with them. Sansa was all alone in King’s Landing surrounded by enemies who all wanted to either use her, torment her and hurt her. Letting the Lannisters kill her is definitely not a better thing to do than Sansa trying to make sure they didn’t killed her father. Arya basically admits that she would rather save her pride than her father, which makes her accusations even more ridiculous.

9. Arya states as her parting line ‘‘Sometimes fear makes them do unfortunate things, I choose anger’‘. Now, in the early seasons, we saw Arya being completely dominated by anger and doing rash decisions she would later come to regret because of it. Namely, her hitting Joffrey and running away from the Brotherhood without Banners. We saw Sansa being dominated by fear and doing things she would also come to regret later such as not saying that Joffrey was the one who started the fight with Mycah and Arya. Now in the present, Arya is still ruled by anger doing the same mistakes she did in the past and not thinking straight because of that, whereas Sansa is no longer dominated by fear, and was able to stand straight and fight back for her home and family. The reason why her line doesn’t work is because Arya has not improved and learned from her mistakes, whereas Sansa has. 

10. Arya threatened to kill Sansa. Like she really truly did. Sansa has spent years feeling unsafe being surrounded by enemies and fought hard to gain back her home and safety. It’s extremely sad that her own sister would make her feel unsafe in her own home. Whether Arya was acting or not doesn’t change that fact, especially when her vendetta against Sansa was founded on the most ridiculous of things. For her to go around and do something like that when she doesn’t even know the matters she’s dabbling with is just troubling. Clearly, the Arya we knew and loved has lost herself, and what came to Winterfell is just an empty husk. 

[tangerinewrites]

when he sees me

yeonhee’s second performance - ft. her fears of having a crush 

dated: a few days after valentines, specifically after this thread. 

note: in honor of her birthday (even if it’s 1am and this took place 3 months ago)

jang yeonhee has a boy’s number on her phone. 

it’s more alarming the more she thinks about it, mainly because it would typically not happen for her. besides her brother and a few boys she’s had to work with for school projects, she’s never had a boy be on her phone solely because he was fine with giving it to her. 

she’s thinking of the whole situation as it plays out in her head: pounding headache as she wakes up in a room that was not her own, only to see im changwoo of all people show up to let her know that she got hammered at the valentines’ celebration last night and he was then responsible over her for a night. she was bold enough to offer her phone number to him so that she could find a proper way to make up for all the trouble she’s caused him. and though he brushed it off and said it wasn’t a problem and that he “just wants to make sure [she’s] okay”, yeonhee knew herself better than anyone and she knows that she’s a handful once under the influence. 

even now, she doesn’t want to think about whatever shit she might’ve pulled off that valentines night because all she could remember was how overwhelmingly lonely she was, watching everyone around her be happy with their significant others. she even had to hang out with another group of friends because being around the baby squad was being the third wheel to three pairs. and it’s not like she isn’t happy for them, because the hopeless romantic in her only wants the best for her friends. but it made her think of that night and she knew she had to find a way to cheer herself up by surrounding herself with other single people. 

perhaps she can thank the alcohol for making this miracle happen. but even then, she’s overthinking about it while at divinations. before she realizes it, the whole class was then told to go into groups and she finds herself with three other students around her talking about what had gone on in class. and here she is, the idiot that had to admit “i wasn’t really paying attention. what did we have to do?” thankfully, they were patient enough to help her catch up. 

jang yeonhee has a boy’s number on her phone. 

it’s been days and that’s still the only thought that remains in her mind. sure, she’s good at hiding her thoughts and remaining like how she usually would. but she’s still human enough that there are people who can tell when she’s bluffing. 

of course her best friend, kang haeun, would be able to catch on. 

“you’ve looked troubled recently, yeonhee,” she says with a little pout as yeonhee drinks her water after attempting to practice a song for the next cabaret performance. caBAEret, they call it, even though valentines day was a few days ago. it’s only scheduled so late because of the celebrations that day. and it’s also because of that day—no—night that it was affecting her performance. “is there something on your mind?” 

“i’m fine,” she responds immediately, almost interrupting the other from speaking. “just feeling jittery is all.” 

“are you sure?” she asks, tilting her head to the side. “you’ve been doing well for the past few times you’ve practiced this song.” 

yeonhee’s eyes widen. “did i do something wrong? was there something bad about my performance?” she couldn’t imagine letting something this trivial mess up her performance. she’d rather switch majors and live life as a divinations professor than to mess up a performance. 

haeun quickly shakes her head. “oh no! you were great! amazing, even!” she responds enthusiastically. “your performance this time was much better than the last few times. it almost was like you were very connected with the character. it was like… the same atmosphere as your last performance.” 

yeonhee grimaces at her compliment. “fuck,” she curses under her breath, biting her lip in frustration over the situation. “this was a terrible song choice, then. i should’ve written in a different song on the form.” 

the girl was hoping that the comment wouldn’t phase her friend, but it does the opposite effect. of course it does. what else can she expect from her? “is there something you’re not telling me?” 

though yeonhee likes to think of herself as a great actress, there are moments in which she has to break her “character”. the fact that she’s been doing it more because of him is a little upsetting, considering she was sure she could try her best to seem appealing to all the boys she infatuates over. she’s either cursed with bad luck to always make a fool out of herself in front of this particular boy, or good luck, considering the fact that he hasn’t chosen to actively avoid her due to her weirdness yet. she wouldn’t blame him. it’s why she has the “persona” to begin with: sweet, gentle, and innocent. not at all like the rambunctious, loud, and.. perverted—eccentric person she is around literally everyone who she isn’t trying to impress. 

that being said, she also can’t lie to haeun either. not only because the other could be able to tell when she’s avoiding a subject or trying to act as if nothing was happening, but because lying to haeun was the equivalent to neglecting a puppy. she couldn’t do that the girl! that’d feel morally wrong. so, with a sigh, she decides to come clean. 

“so, i’ve been thinking about this boy. i got his number not too long ago.” 

her eyes widen and she tilts her head to the side. “is it claude?” after she asks that, she gives her a look of concern. “please don’t tell me it’s my brother.” 

“huh?! what?!” yeonhee asks, perplexed by that single assumption before she quickly shakes her head. “what makes you think i’d have the chance of being with either of them? as if your brother would date someone like me. also, i heard claude’s like… practically in love with this other senior there.” 

haeun shrugs. “i don’t know! you and malia hang around him a lot. i just naturally figured that one out of the two of you would have a chance with him. and if malia has changmin, then you could have a chance with him.” 

yeonhee wants to laugh, but not in a way to make fun of haeun. rather at the idea that the girl suggested. honestly, a lot of the upperclassmen boys were way out of her league already. but her “relationship” with claude is solely fan-”idol” only. there was never going to be a chance of them happening, even if the fan service he provides makes her delusional heart swoon for a few minutes. she snorts instead, mainly because she was still… frustrated at someone else. 

“no. it’s another boy,” she responds, finding herself getting red the moment she puts that into the air. obviously, the other girl looks intrigued enough to hear her say more. “do you remember about that one time i told about this guy who i met at gobstones club?” 

she stays silent to think about it for a while before getting back to yeonhee on the response. “you mean the guy you said ‘hole’ too because you were staring at his dimples?” 

she visibly cringes at the girl retelling her story. “yes, that. it was not my proudest, nor brightest moment.” a sigh follows after she said it. she shakes her head before she continues on with telling her story seriously. “anyways, i didn’t really think much of him. i just thought he’d be some upperclassman that i’d find cute and charming while also being infatuated with him from a distance. i didn’t think much more of it because the likelihood of us being together was unrealistic to me.” she takes a moment to take a deep breath before she looks at the other with a trouble face. if there’s anything she learned from her classes, it was the ability to be able to tell a good story even when not performing for others. “but…” her friend is silent, but shows that she was listening to everything as she nods at the other to continue on. “i got hammered at the valentines day parade and next thing i know, i was in his bed––” 

haeun’s eyes widen. “huh?!” 

just at that, she shakes her head quickly and makes an x with her arms. “ FULLY CLOTHED. we did NOT do anything. i am very much still a virgin.” she puts her arms back to her side before she sighs as she revisits the memory for the sake of storytime, her heart fluttering as she thinks of it again. “he took care of me. and even though i feel a little bit bad for him because of how embarrassing i am while drunk, he told me it was no problem because he just wanted to make sure i was okay. and it just…” without even realizing it, she smiles to herself. “he’s so dreamy. he’s tall, nice, smart, and handsome…” when she finds herself getting carried away, she shakes her head and clears her throat. “anyway, i have his number on my phone because i told him i’d try to make up for it somehow. but i don’t know what to do because all i’ve been thinking about was the fact that he’s an actual boy who is on my phone.” 

“don’t you have a twin brother?” 

she shakes her head. “he doesn’t count. he’s stinky.” though it gets a laugh out of her friend, yeonhee’s facial expressions still show seriousness. “i don’t know how to make it up to him without making it seem like a date.”

the other tilts her head. “why wouldn’t you want it to seem like a date?” she asks. “don’t you like him?” 

“i do, but i’m scared that i do,” she admits with a sad sigh as she finds herself a seat on the carpet ground. she’d sit on the chair next to her friend, but she couldn’t bear to do that now. not while she’s feeling pathetic.small. vulnerable. “what if he doesn’t feel the same way? what if i’m only getting my hopes up over some guy who was just only being a decent person to me? what if he does like me, but once he gets to know me, he doesn’t like who i am? i mean, i’m annoying and all-over-the place and…” 

“naive?” haeun attempts to complete. 

“perverted,” she corrects her, gaining an “ah” from the other followed by a small nod. the girl, previously sitting criss-crossed then hugs her legs and rests her body against them, looking at her feet along with the carpet ground below it. “i’m already a disappointment in my family’s eyes. i don’t want to get attached to some boy, only for him to be disappointed by me, too.” 

“yeonhee...” haeun frowns before she walks over to her and gives her a hug. there was something quite… unique about the way her friend hugs others. at least in yeonhee’s experience, getting a hug from her friend after a tough rehearsal or a deep talk with the other about their insecurities was always something that made her feel better. it made her feel as if she was not alone. as if there was something out there who truly appreciated her for the way she is in the most pure, platonic way possible. 

as soon as she pulls away, she looks directly at the other with a serious pout. “listen. i know it’s hard to believe that you’ll ever get the chance to be loved by someone else. you know i know.” yeonhee smiles a little and nods. “and i can see why you’d be scared, but any boy in the world would be lucky to have you. you’re funny, talented in more ways than one, super sweet, and adorable! and i’m not saying that just because i’m your friend.” 

she doesn’t wish to reject her compliments. honestly! it made her happy to know that amongst her flaws, her friend was able to see the good in her. it’s not like she wasn’t aware of all that she said. but such attributes about her weren’t enough to make people want her. to make people wish to pursue something with her. 

“but–” she’s about to argue with her, but is immediately shushed by the other. 

“you deserve love, yeonhee,” she says a little sternly, which comes off a little surprising because she was so used to the other being more timid. it’s not like haeun never had to behave maturely with the other, but rather yeonhee was used to being the other person trying to boost her up in the most serious way possible. “no matter what you say or think about yourself, there will be a guy who will appreciate you for who you are. who knows? this guy might be that guy.” 

yeonhee finds herself smiling. don’t get my hopes up, kang haeun, she wants to say. the last few times she’s find herself getting naively carried away by her delusions, she’s always found herself getting hurt by her vivid imagination. she doesn’t want that to happen this time, especially with someone as ideal as changwoo. so she doesn’t say anything to keep the conversation going, mainly because she didn’t want to worry her friend any longer. 

“thanks,” she responds with a small smile. “i’m sorry for bringing down the mood. i’m just…” a sigh. “nervous. but let’s not think about him for now. i gotta think of this performance!” 

“ah, right!” haeun says with a nod and thumbs up.  “i mean, there’s nothing much else to say.” the girl shrugs and giggles as the ‘actress’ playfully flips her hair. “if you want, i can give you ideas on where to take your boy on a date!” 

“hey! i said enough about him!” she whines at the other’s teasing, crossing her arms and pouting before she lightly shoves the other. “you know what you can help me with, though? picking an outfit for me for tonight. i need to make sure i look beautiful if the director wants to notice me and cast me for a future show.”

“alright, alright,” haeun responds, yeonhee watching her friend push herself up from the ground and offering her hand to the other to pull her up as well. “let’s get going then. we want to make sure we get there before the boutique closes.” 

“oh shit! you’re right!” yeonhee gasps, later facing towards the door of the chorus room and dashing out. “let’s go!” 

“h-hey! jang yeonhee, wait for me!” her friend shouts from behind her, yeonhee laughing as she slows herself down in the hallway so that the other could catch up to her. 

she originally sang this song just because it was in her range and she thought it’d suit perfectly for the lovey dovey season. she chose to perform this song before all of the recent events that have refused to stay off her mind. and though she didn’t even want to think about it, she knew she was bound to think of it anyways. after all, haeun did say it improved her performance of the song. 

after sharing her introduction and signalling the accompanist on when to start, she takes a deep breath and sings through the lyrics, trying to stick to the original character of the song. as long as she’s able to act as if she was dawn louise pickett, she should be fine. at least, that’s what she believes. 

she goes through the lyrics while trying to remain faithful to the original singer’s character. 

“i stick with real things: usually facts and figures. when information's in its place, i minimize the guessing game. guess what? i don't like guessing games, or when I feel things before I know the feelings. how am I supposed to operate if I'm just tossed around by fate? like on an unexpected date? with a stranger who might talk too fast, or ask me questions about myself before I've decided that? he can ask me questions about myself, he might sit too close. or call the waiter by his first name, or eat oreos… but eat the cookie before the cream; but what scares me the most what scares me the most…”

and, as expected, it’s at the chorus when she finds her mind wandering to a territory she does not wish to go to. 

“is what if when he sees me, what if he doesn't like it? what if he runs the other way and i can't hide from it? what happens then?” 

the more she sings about the character’s insecurities, the less she finds herself acting in character for the performance. she doesn’t imagine dawn dancing around the diner, singing about how her unrealistic expectations of men might lead her to disappointment whilst having a dance number with a male ensemble. she thinks of him: the dimples that form in his cheeks when he is shows that he is seriously focused. his tall stature and the way his lips are naturally the shape of a curly w: kind like an adorable, cartoon animal. thinking of them now, she finds herself getting carried away with the thought of how they’d feel against hers. soft, she bets. and once they pull away from each other, he has a smile that would mirror hers and it feels her with glee and—

it comes crashing down. 

“if when he knows me, he's only disappointed? what if I give myself away, to only get it given back?  i couldn't live with that.” 

there’s no possible way he’d behave like that to her. 

after all the embarrassing memories that involved the both of them, she wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t return her feelings. it’s nothing new, really. jang yeonhee’s familiar with being rejected by boys who she genuinely crushes on. most of them were indirect, where she finds out for herself that they’re with somebody else. other times, she finds herself trying to suppress her sadness out of respect for the person who rejected her confession. she wouldn’t be surprised if changwoo was either one of those two kinds of boys she mentioned. after all, he was handsome and intelligent: surely, there would be a lot of people trying to gain his attention. why would he ever find someone like her interesting in the first place? 

she’s just a freshie who’s in theatre. she isn’t even one of the popular students in the department. she’s far from lead girl material, so it’s not like someone like him would be able to fall for someone like her. 

“so, i'm just fine, inside my shell-shaped mind. this way I get the best view.  so that when he sees me, i want him too.” 

it’s always better to look at others from a distance. at this point, yeonhee’s accepted her fate as being the side character in someone else’s story. her parents have made that clear over the winter break. 

that being said, she was fine with observing others’ lives. she’d be fine with just being the fangirl of claude ahn with her best friend malia. claude would eventually fall in love with a girl, leaving the fangirls envious of her. but even then, malia would have someone to go to as well, so she could always be there to support her friend and her new relationship. 

even haneul would be able to live the life he wants. he’s surrounded by a lot of people his age who’d spare him their attention. what was some underclassmen, who happened to be his sister’s best friend, have to do with him besides think he’s charming and handsome? besides, she wouldn’t want to ruin her friendship with the other. haeun was one of her favorite people in the world… even if she isn’t hanging out with her as much anymore. but she can’t blame her for that! she was happy that the other was able to find love. 

and she’ll be happy with the fact that she’ll never achieve such a fortune like that. at least, that’s what she wants to believe. 

… she’s getting carried away. she gets herself back into character with the next lyrics, hoping notices her thoughts. 

“i'm not defensive! i'm simply being cautious. i can't risk reckless dating due to my miscalculating while a certain suitor stands in line! i've seen in movies, most made for television: you cannot be too careful when it comes to sharing your life. i could end up a miserable wife! sorry girls, but he could be criminal, some sort of psychopath who escaped from an institution—somewhere where they don't have girls! he could have masterminded some way to find me— he could be colorblind! how untrustworthy is that? he could be less than kind!” 

there’s the usual bit of laughter that escapes from the audience at the comedic lines. it’s a bonus for yeonhee to perform, considering the fact she always dubs herself as a clown because comedies were her best genre. she makes sure to act hysterical in moments that required it, shouting even before she goes to the next line in which she acts… calmer. 

“or even worse he could be very nice, have lovely eyes, and make me laugh, come out of hiding... what do I do with that?” 

her mind wanders yet again as she finds herself thinking of him again: he is very nice. she’s sure that if any other person were in his situation with trying to take care of her, they’d probably bring her back to her dorms (with the knowledge she had a roommate) and leave her from there. but he went out of his way help her: to look over her for the night and make sure she was safe. the action of a man taking care of her like that… it was almost giving her husband vibes. 

and if she wasn’t staring at his dimples as he explains something seriously relating to gobstones, she’d be looking at his eyes to ensure that she was “paying attention”. but in actuality, she was just staring at how pretty his eyes looked. it was interesting to see all the emotions that he conveyed with them and all she could think about was the possibility of seeing more, especially after he gave her such a kind look the last time they saw each other. 

but such an idea… feels almost like a dream to her. imagination. 

“what if when he sees me, i like him and he knows it? what if he opens up a door and i can't close it?” what happens then? if when he holds me, my heart is set in motion? i'm not prepared for that, i'm scared of breaking open.” 

she does her best with remaining confident with her voice, pulling off the belts easily as she finds herself getting more and more involved with the lyrics. it’s no surprise that jang yeonhee is scared of showing her true self to others. she has many burdens and insecurities that only her closest friends, like haeun, knows about. just imagining the fact that she’d have to possibly be vulnerable around someone she only knows basic amount of information about was quite intimidating. the future that she’d always daydream about and aspired to have to let her grow into the future main character that she’ll be… was a risk that she wasn’t sure if she was prepared for. 

perhaps it is because of her lack of experience. during her entire high school and lower years, she’s never been in a relationship. sure, she was able to flirt, but she’s never even had her first kiss! even now, thinking about that was humiliating to admit. but it just goes to show how she’s so naive and to finally have the chance to experience what she’s yearned for… she wonders… will she be prepared for it? will she be prepared for the rush of emotions she’ll feel? for the possible heartbreak that it could lead to? 

there’s so many what-ifs… it’s horrifying. 

“but still i can't help from hoping  to find someone to talk to.  who likes the way i am.” 

after the powerful high note, her voice goes back to being soft as she entertains the idea of her ultimate wish: the relationship she’s always wanted. say, in a scenario in which im changwoo really does like her, he likes her for who she is. even though she’s loud, dramatic, and… a bit wild, he still finds her attractive in his own way. he enjoys spending time with her and talking to her to the point he becomes her first’s to a lot: boyfriend, kiss, date, time (she doesn’t get too far with imagining that. she was still performing, after all). maybe even love if it gets that fire. will it get that far? 

she’s not sure. she isn’t even sure if it’s likely he’d feel the same for her. she’s not even sure how she feels for him. 

perhaps, time will tell. and time is in her hands.

“someone who when he sees me… wants to again.” 

the song nears its end and she’s able to hold the note right until the accompanist stops. she can thank her breathing technique to let her power through that confidently. 

after she finishes the song, she hears the sound of applause, which signals her to bow and get off the stage for the next act to perform. though she plans on sitting back down to enjoy the rest of the performances, she walks off to somewhere more private and she looks at her phone, going through her contacts to find him there. she clicks on it and watches her wizphone pull up the information on him, staring at it while thinking to herself if she should do it: text him. she wasn’t even sure what she was going to say! she still had to find a way to thank him for his hospitality from a few days ago. she feels bad for not saying anything beforehand until this moment. it’s because she’s been overthinking this very moment. 

but if she’s able to perform a difficult song like this in front of others, she should be able to have the ability to see him again. because she wasn’t sure if he felt the same, but she wants to see him… again and again. 

she clicks on the message button and types a few short messages, hoping that her intention of inviting him was shown. she’s not sure if it was going to be a date. if he was going to consider it to be a date. but it was good to have it under a disguise… for now. 

[ ✉ to: im changwoo 👉👈 ] 

✉ : hi!! i’m so sorry for not messaging you sooner. i had to prepare for this performance and it’s recently been taking up a lot of my time 😭  but i just finished, so i’m texting you rn!  ✉ : anyways, i was wondering if you were down for some drinks? we could stop by to get boba or coffee. or if you’re down for anything else, that’s fine too!! regardless, i’ll pay for it! 😆🤙

and so, she locks her phone and goes back to watching the performances, leaving do not disturb off so she could feel any notification in her hand. 

[is-this-life-or-fantasy]

answer all the ones you wanna

Thank you Anon!! It’s been a DAY and I’m glad to get my mind off everything I need to be doing to do this

“PUT A NUMBER IN MY ASK ;)”

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?~Becca2. Are you outgoing or shy?~Depends on the situation, if I’m with friends I’m much much more outgoing. In general it depends on my mood and type of situation, but it’s probably 50/503. Who are you looking forward to seeing?~Olu! It’s been so long and he’s so good4. Are you easy to get along with?~I don’t really know. I think I can be pretty easy to get along with, but if we differ on something important to me or I have something against you I’m a huge bitch5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?~If she wasn’t also very drunk then probalby6. What kind of people are you attracted to?~Sarcastic assholes7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?~Maybe/I suppose8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?~(This kinds implies there are two genders that are opposites and that’s not the case but I’ll pretend this says what guy) Zach actually because I forgot to venmo him9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?~Nope10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?~I genuinely can’t remember11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?~”Yay!! I’m reading your blog now actually”12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?~1. “Hall of Mirrors” - The Distillers~2. “Dancing in the Moonlight” - King Harvest~3. “Within You Without You” - The Beatles~4. “I Think You Nose Is Bleeding” - The Front Bottoms~5. “Trampoline” - The Front Bottoms13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?~Usually only someone I’m interested in14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?~Fuck yes I do15. What good thing happened this summer?~I went to Virginia Beach on vacation with my friends16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?~yeah17. Do you think there is life on other planets?~Yup18. Do you still talk to your first crush?~Oh hell no19. Do you like bubble baths?~I used to, haven’t taken one in a very long time20. Do you like your neighbors?~Nope21. What are you bad habits?~Oh we don’t have time for all of them, but: biting my fingernails, procrastination, isolation, drinking, smoking, in general bad coping mechanisms, etc.22. Where would you like to travel?~Europe!23. Do you have trust issues?~Oh hell yes24. Favorite part of your daily routine?~Laying down at night to go to sleep25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?~My thighs26. What do you do when you wake up?~Think about how much more sleep I can get without being late27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?~A little darker because this bitch can’t tan28. Who are you most comfortable around?~My close friends29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?~Ex’s? You assume more than one fool has made this mistake30. Do you ever want to get married?~Yea one day31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?~A little one but it’s sad32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?~Robert Downy Jr. and Halsey33. Spell your name with your chin.~ cy45isina (yikes)34. Do you play sports? What sports?~No I can’t sport35. Would you rather live without TV or music?~Omg that’s the nightmare scenario. I guess music36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?~Oh that’s practically my life motto37. What do you say during awkward silences?~I usually make a weird noise or something stupid to break the ice (like doing my Ben routine) or say something random38. Describe your dream girl/guy?~amazing hair, smart, funny, sarcastic asshole, ambitious, dedicated, responsible, reliable39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?~Hot Topic and Target40. What do you want to do after high school?~I mean I’m already doing it, college41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?~Not everyone, but most people42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?~Usually that I’m upset43. Do you smile at strangers?~Depending on my mood, yes44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?~Bottoms of the ocean45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?~Usually the fact that this bitch needs money, or my anxiety46. What are you paranoid about?~Oh everything, it’s mostly stuff related to my anxiety and insecurities47. Have you ever been high?~Yup48. Have you ever been drunk?~Yup49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?~I don’t think so50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?~Black and gray (because this bitch wears two hoodies at the same time)51. Ever wished you were someone else?~When I was younger probably52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?~My mental health status53. Favourite makeup brand?~Um what (this bitch don’t use makeup)54. Favourite store?~Hot Topic55. Favourite blog?~Actual blog: Eileen’s~Tumblr blog: So many but either slime-tony or color-me-erika56. Favourite colour?~Blue57. Favourite food? ~My mom’s mashed potatos58. Last thing you ate?~McDonald’s fries and nugs59. First thing you ate this morning?~Nothing lol, for lunch I had bonchon chicken and fries60. Ever won a competition? For what?~I mean I was valedictorian if that counts? So I guess I won for being able to take test and bullshit assignments 61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?~Nope62. Been arrested? For what?~Nope63. Ever been in love? ~Yup64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?~Oh boy. I was in like preschool I think, maybe kindergarden, and me and this boy didn’t know what kissing was other than that adults did it and we were like yea sure this is normal so we kissed sometimes like under tables and shit and looking back super weird thing to do. I don’t remember the first kiss, but it was something like that. My first kiss as not a small small child was Alex I think and boy was that a mistake65. Are you hungry right now?~Nah66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?~(Tumblr friends are real friends) I don’t have friends specific to tumblr I think67. Facebook or Twitter?~Facebook68. Twitter or Tumblr?~Tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now?~Yup, FRIENDS70. Names of your bestfriends? ~I’d call them my closest friends, in no particular order: Eileen, Joe, Erika, Zach, Kim, Alex, Becca, Mars, Tiffany, Sloane, (I want to put Lex on this list too but we don’t talk as much so I don’t know if she sees me as one of her closest friends but I adore her)71. Craving something? What?~Not that I can think of72. What colour are your towels?~Blue, Green, and White72. How many pillows do you sleep with?~Usually 3 (Because they be flat boys)73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?~Yup!74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?~I got rid of most of them when I was younger (I have no idea why I did that I was a total idiot) but anyway no clue because my life is a mess75. Favourite animal?~Honey Badger76. What colour is your underwear?~You assume I’m wearing underwear77. Chocolate or Vanilla?~Ice Cream: Vanilla~Milkshake: Chocolate78. Favourite ice cream flavour?~Banan-a-Peel'n79. What colour shirt are you wearing?~Again you assume I have clothes on80. What colour pants?~See answer above81. Favourite tv show?~SOAP82. Favourite movie?~Noises Off83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?~Mean Girls84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?~Mean Girls85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?~Damien86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?~Dory87. First person you talked to today?~My mom88. Last person you talked to today?~Eileen89. Name a person you hate?~Anna90. Name a person you love?~Tiffany91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?~Oh so many people92. In a fight with someone?~I don’t think so93. How many sweatpants do you have?~Like 4?94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?~5 hoodies? 4 sweatshirts?95. Last movie you watched?~Descendents 296. Favourite actress?~Betty White97. Favourite actor?~Jason Bateman98. Do you tan a lot?~Not at all99. Have any pets?~Sadly no100. How are you feeling?~Not great but I’m still here101. Do you type fast?~Not really?102. Do you regret anything from your past?~I regret a bunch of stupid things103. Can you spell well?~Not at al104. Do you miss anyone from your past?~Yea, sometimes105. Ever been to a bonfire party?~I was at a bonfire but I wouldn’t call it a party106. Ever broken someone’s heart?~Not to my knowledge107. Have you ever been on a horse?~Yes108. What should you be doing?~One of the many many things on the spring break to do list109. Is something irritating you right now?~Oh many things110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?~Oh yea111. Do you have trust issues?~I think this was already asked, but yes112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?~I can’t even remember, but I think Mars, Jake, and Arianne when I was high113. What was your childhood nickname?~Tina114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?~Yup115. Do you play the Wii?~I used to116. Are you listening to music right now?~Nope117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?~Yup118. Do you like Chinese food?~Fuck yes119. Favourite book?~This is a book by: Demetri Martin120. Are you afraid of the dark?~Yea121. Are you mean?~I can be122. Is cheating ever okay?~No, never123. Can you keep white shoes clean?~Nope124. Do you believe in love at first sight?~Yes I’m certain that it happens all the time125. Do you believe in true love?~Yea126. Are you currently bored?~A little127. What makes you happy?~being with my friends128. Would you change your name?~Maybe129. What your zodiac sign?~Gemini130. Do you like subway?~Occasionally (I like the way it smells more than I like the food)131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?~Tell them I’m sorry but I don’t feel the same way132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?~Again with the repeat questions133. Favourite lyrics right now?~”It’s fine, I’m fine, It’s fine”134. Can you count to one million?~I mean I suppose but at what cost135. Dumbest lie you ever told?~”I’m fine”136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?~Always closed137. How tall are you?~5′5138. Curly or Straight hair?~Straight139. Brunette or Blonde?~Brunette140. Summer or Winter?~Summer141. Night or Day?~Night142. Favourite month?~May or December143. Are you a vegetarian?~Hell no I couldn’t144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?~Milk choclate145. Tea or Coffee?~Coffee146. Was today a good day?~Not really, but it was ok147. Mars or Snickers?~Neither148. What’s your favourite quote?~”It’s gonna take a long time…and then it’s perfect”149. Do you believe in ghosts?~Fuck yea150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?~”I’m currently in the thick of the most confusing and terrifying time of my life” BIG MOOD

[rebeccaheyman]

reading + listening 9.29.20

It was another week of soaring highs and middling mediocrity, but fortunately no DNFs. Notably, I’ve been dragging my heels on PIRANESI by Susanna Clarke, which has been sitting on my desk in gorgeous hard cover since release day. You ever want to love a book so much that you’re afraid to actually read it? No, no, me neither. Here’s hoping I get brave this week. In the meantime...

It’s Been a Pleasure, Noni Blake (Claire Christian), eBook ARC (US pub date February 2021). I loved this book so much that I’m already looking forward to owning the aBook once it’s available, just so I can relive the magic in a new way. Here’s my five-star NetGalley review: 

I have discovered the antidote to the unmitigated disaster that is the year 2020, and it is IT'S BEEN A PLEASURE, NONI BLAKE. I inhaled this book in under 24 hours and feel soul-satisfied in a way I forgot existed. NONI BLAKE is a rom-com that's so much more than a rom-com; it's as much a character study as LESS and as much a travelogue as WILD, with the sweetness of Mhairi MacFarlane, the delicious heat of Sally Thorne, and the humor of every best friend you've ever gotten drunk with. It is, in a word, perfect.

When I say this book has it all, I am not kidding. In it, you will find: - an average-bodied woman finding sexual empowerment and body positivity - a Scottish book boyfriend for whom you do not need to travel through time - healthy adult friendships - A+ Bechdel Test score - adventurous, consensual sex that is at times hilarious and at other times really, really hot - situational comedy that will legitimately make you laugh out loud - adults who talk openly about their feelings in an authentic, mature way - portrayals of grief that range in severity from mourning the loss of an unborn child to coming to terms with years of self-criticism and negativity - rich, descriptive prose that does not drag down pacing - excellent plotting, perfectly balanced with the protagonist's complex internal journey

...the list goes on. This book is joy exemplified. I can't wait to give it to every woman I know. My only complaint is that the world needs this book immediately to inoculate us against the tidal wave of awfulness bombarding the globe, and yet it won't be released until 2021.

Notably, Australian readers have access to NONI BLAKE as of... today (!), so if you happen to be reading this in Australia, please do yourself a favor and buy this book immediately. And if there’s someone you especially like elsewhere in the world, maybe box up a copy and spread the love.

Act Your Age, Eve Brown (Talia Hibbert), eBook ARC (pub date March 2021). I know, I know -- how many contemporary romcoms with the exact same title structure can I read in a single week? Real answer: 2. But based on how fabulous both these titles were, I’m open to more. Here’s my four-star NetGalley review:

I've decided it's entirely impossible to read the Brown Sisters series without feeling amazing. Hibbert's writing is so smart, funny, and full of A+ banter -- not to mention scorching-hot heat -- that it almost feels like we don't deserve her books' nuances, diverse representations, and patriarchy-shaking feminism.

But we do deserve it, actually, and it's all there in ACT YOUR AGE, EVE BROWN.

If at first Eve seems flighty and difficult to connect with, don't discount the intentionality of her characterization. In a tidy narrative trick, Hibbert gives us the very experience that defines many of Eve's friendships: while the youngest Brown sister may have made a great first impression in Chloe and Dani's books, her flightiness feels off-putting once she takes center stage. But sticking with Eve -- instead of pushing her to the margins of our two-person social circle -- has a massive pay-off, as she soon reveals herself to be intensely focused on helping others, spreading joy, and baking delicious cake. It's a side of Eve too many of her "friends" never get to see -- but Reader, we do. And it turns out, Eve is a wonder.

Many of Eve's quirks align with behaviors on the autism spectrum; while Jacob's autistic presentation is perhaps more conventional, Eve's traits are equally validated by Hibbert's sensitive, nuanced treatment of the disorder. Romance + autism usually means antisocial behaviors, rigidity, and/or Asperger's-like presentation (The Kiss Quotient/Bride Test, The Girl He Used to Know, The Rosie Project... the list goes on). But ACT YOUR AGE explores the all important "spectrum" side of "autism spectrum disorder," and urges us to resist believing we understand what these labels mean just because we understand one small aspect of a very large picture.

All of this happens while a truly compelling, heart-melting romance unfolds. Eve and Jacob are incredibly fun to watch, and Hibbert keeps things moving at a lovely clip. I especially appreciated her resistance to the "h/h have to spend totally unnecessary time apart after an argument/misunderstanding" trope in Act III, which is a convention I would happily see go the way of the dinosaur.

Fair warning to your TBR pile: If you don't reread Chloe and Dani's books prior to picking up ACT YOUR AGE, EVE BROWN, you're going to want to afterward. There's simply no other way to maintain the rosy glow of post-Hibbert reading.

Finally, I'm predicting here and now that Mont, Alex and Tess are the next sibling trio to get the Hibbert treatment. (Please? Like...PLEASE please?)

Set My Heart to Five (Simon Stephenson), aBook (narr. Christopher Ragland, Rachael Louise Miller, Lance C. Fuller). If you combined the signature humor/love combo of David Nicholls, the deeply felt nostalgia of Ready Player One, and the bots-with-feelings hypothesis of Spielburg’s AI, you might come close to understanding what makes SET MY HEART TO FIVE so good. In the year 2054, the world has taken some unexpected turns: humans have accidentally locked themselves out of the internet, Elon Musk blew up the moon (also accidentally), and humanoid bots have been integrated into society as second-class pseudo-citizens. We meet Jared -- bot, dentist, cat-owner -- who has begun to experience curious malfunctions. With a friend’s help, and a heaping dose of old movies, Jared realizes he can feel real emotions. He resolves to journey west to Hollywood, where he’ll write a movie that changes the way humans view bots and paves the way for his bot brothers and sisters to enjoy the full range of human experience. 

Jared’s explanations of human behavior provide a satirical commentary on our curious, often contradictory behaviors (”Humans. I cannot!”). Since films from the pre-bot age figure so prominently in Jared’s emotional awakening, that same satirical analysis is applied to movie synopses, which are rendered with necessary frequency but occasionally feel like overkill. The book relies heavily on a lovely trick of narrative reciprocity; Jared is on an archetypal hero’s journey, even as he strives to write a formulaic screenplay according to the “golden rules” of the fictitious script expert, R.P. McWilliams. But SET MY HEART TO FIVE never feels hackneyed, and in more than one way proves the rule that great stories are all in the telling.

With the innocence and clarity that can only come from being something of a stranger in a strange land, Jared embraces his existence with infectious enthusiasm and charm. It’s virtually impossible not to cheer for his success, even as we’re warned again and again that a great story will “eff us in the heart” at its conclusion. Audio is brilliantly narrated by Christopher Ragland, who manages to imbue the bot cadence we expect with believable nuance and big style. 

Well Played (Jen DeLuca), aBook (narr. Brittany Pressley). I’ve got bad news for fans of WELL MET: If you wondered whether your enjoyment of Deluca’s ren-faire romcom debut of 2019 was due in large part to the book’s setting -- and more specifically, the way h/h’s interactions at the faire advanced the storyline -- the answer is yes. And why is that bad news, you ask? Well, because WELL PLAYED has none of the crackling Emily/Simon tension that carried the first book through its narrative stumbles. In book 2, the glacially slow Act I relies heavily on Stacy’s recitation of what makes her life humdrum, and a long series of email exchanges we *know* are coming from the conspicuously introduced Daniel -- even though Stacy, apparently suffering a traumatic brain injury, convinces herself it’s idiot playboy (and Daniel’s cousin) Dex. Sorry not sorry for the “spoiler,” which is impossible not to see coming from many miles away. Once this pseudo-conflict is resolved, the book boils down to situational fluff: a wedding, a squeaky mattress, the literal number of pumpkin spice lattes Stacy drinks over the course of a month. If it sounds like this is not a plot, that’s because it isn’t. The romance is low-stakes, the “uncrossable divide” that eventually separates h/h is the width and depth of a puddle, and the last third of the book is pretty much solely devoted to setting up a Mitch/April romance in book 3.

Notably, I found references to Stacy’s body-consciousness extremely strange. If we want to normalize average-sized women in romance, maybe we do that by not including, apropos of literally nothing, how “unflattering” woman-on-top sexual positions are?! Stacy is not characterized by self-consciousness, so the moments when her interiority veers toward self-criticism don’t feel necessary. I’m not saying these aren’t authentic thoughts and feelings plenty of women have, but an editor should have pushed DeLuca to answer the question to what end? Why include body hyperawareness in the precise moments when it appears? Like too much of the prose in WELL PLAYED, these inclusions felt like word-count boosting instead of dynamic character development or plot production. Sad as I am to say it, this book was a missed opportunity that shows the danger of rushing book 2 to market. 

The Lady’s Guide to Celestial Mechanics (Olivia Waite), aBook (narr. Morag Sims). This book has been on my radar since its publication last summer. Gorgeous cover aside, I’m always here for diverse historical romance. Sadly, for me, the external stakes here were simply too low, and relied overmuch on the baffling revelation that men -- especially in this historical moment --  underestimate and undermine women. I never felt discernible chemistry between Lucy and Catherine. This could be due, in part, to Morag Sims’ narration, which pitches Catherine’s voice in a low, husky range that accentuated the women’s age difference. From the outset, we learn that Catherine is the widow of one of Lucy’s father’s colleagues; while Lucy is the more sexually forward woman in this partnership, there’s something a little An Education about the whole arrangement. 

On my radar this week:

Piranesi (Susanna Clarke) 

A Deadly Education aBook (Naomi Novik)

We Can Only Save Ourselves ARC (Alison Wisdom)

Angel in a Devil’s Arms (Julie Anne Long)

The Project ARC (Courtney Summers)

The Love Square ARC (Laura Jane Williams)

[moon-mirage]

I was looking for a specific TLC quote but stumbled over an interesting tidbit of information about Thorne (which unfortunately you won’t get without some rambling). :P

I personally dislike it if Thorne is characterised as as an idiot, either academically or generally. Because it’s so far off from what we learn about him in canon. His math grade never dropped because he didn’t understand his homework but because he didn’t see the point in doing them. It was a waste of time for him as he tells his parents. But when it’s about business and he can apply math, he is way beyond many kids his age.

In CGTBL, at age 13, Thorne has a five-year plan that he constantly revises with interest rates, depending on what he earns:

“I’ve never made that much in one lunch hour before,” he said, pulling a skinny blue tie over his head and cinching the knot against his neck, “but eighteen Us will put us at a total of fifteen hundred. Which means”—he flipped down the shirt collar—“the bank will upgrade my account to ‘young professional’ and increase the monthly interest rate by two percent. At this rate, that would trim nearly sixteen weeks off my five-year plan.”

He knows how banks work and the kid has stored 1500 Univs already - how many 13-year olds can say that, especially because he earned and saved everything by himself? Thorne has a goal he follows and he is really smart about reaching it. If he can apply math, he is very likely to be very good at it.

In literature class, it’s just as easy for him. He only half-listens to what the teacher is saying but he is easily providing an eloquent answer:

“As you can see, dramatist Joel Kimbrough often played on themes of loneliness and abandonment, in which the protagonist is forced to overcome not only external obstacles like space monsters and malfunctioning spaceship engines, but also the internal devastation that comes with complete solitude. His works often employ the vast emptiness of space as a symbol of loneliness and the battles each of us face against our own personal demons. In the end, his protagonists overcome their feelings of insecurity only after they accept the help of an unlikely assistant, such as an android or an alien or”—his mouth quirked to one side—“a pretty girl who happens to be a skilled marksman when she’s handed a high-powered ray gun.”

Thorne didn’t even know the author until twenty minutes ago. The bolded parts especially are usually not in the vocabulary of kids that age (heck, I would have been happy to have students of literature that smart in my classes instead of hearing each semester one person proclaiming that the eyes are probably mentioned because “eyes are the window to the soul”.) Literary interpretations can be bullshitted but considering the age, that eloquence and quick thinking is impressive. It’s easier to write things like that but a whole different matter to answer so smartly on a whim. 

Thorne in the main books is still business savvy though by now he turned to more illegal dealings, mainly stealing. But still, he is very quick to think of his feet in almost any situation and he is one of the few characters of the group who is able, blind or not, to read people and guess their feelings and reactions.

Generally, his intelligence is overshadowed by his quips and trouble flying the Rampion (which, since he was a cadet at that time, still means he could be self-taught). Nevertheless, he is able to fly and land a huge cargos hip just as well as a podship.

Now, when Cress looks through his files, we learn this:

It took Cress forty-four minutes to hack into the government records of the American Republic’s military database and five other agencies that had had dealings with him, compiling trial transcripts and articles, military records and education reports, licenses and income statements and a timeline that began with his certificate of birth and continued through numerous accolades and awards won while he was growing up, through his acceptance into the American Republic military at age seventeen.

Now, your guess is as good as mine as to which accolades and awards he won but still, Thorne must have been extremely good in several subjects or clubs. Good enough to win “numerous accolades and awards” in fact. We can deduce that he took boxing lessons after Julian and his friends beat him but I wonder where else he excelled to that degree? 

Overall, Thorne is incredibly smart which matches Cress and her genius perfectly.

[idealisticrealism]

Blindspot 3x05 recap

Aka the one where all my sons are idiots and all my daughters are precious angels who deserve all the hugs.

Late again, because when am I not? Again, I blame the travelling.

So I’m kinda intrigued by this pair; the bleeding, accented woman and the young guy with an American accent in what seems to be a  super-dingy bathroom? What is going on here??

Patterson has been doing some fancy analysing of the adoption records and yeppp, Jane definitely had a kid. And ugh Patterson is so sweet and gentle about it and has done so much research so she could give Jane ALL the info and Jane is just Not Dealing. But hmmm Patterson tells her there’s no way to test if she’s had a child and lbr that’s not exactly true? A good ObGyn could generally tell just by looking at the cervix. Not a perfect measure, but it’s definitely an option. But anyhow Jane is too busy flipping out anyway, and ugh she mentions the Taylor Shaw thing and already having everything ripped away from her multiple times and man my heart just hurts for her rn. And Weller’s so at a loss for what to do or how to comfort her ugh my poor babies

Lol Reade and Zapata and their little Wizardville rivalry is super cute. And then she’s completely open with him and asks him directly about the State Department Guy thing and wow Reade just harshly shuts her down. I’m glad Patterson interrupts this little moment because it was definitely going nowhere good. But speaking of things that ARE good,  omg I love her pun about the ‘backbone’ of the case and Weller being all killjoy about it haha. That’s right, honey, just ignore him. Your humour is too good for him anyway. And so anyhow the tatt leads to a NYPD evidence log number, though Zapata notes that the code is different to what the NYPD uses now, and Reade gets super snarky at her for it. Geez son, learn some manners! Patterson backs Zapata up tho (yaaassss my girls), showing that the code is like 20 years old. Jeller go to check out the warehouse it points to while Zapata is given paperwork by Reade (wow, petty), though tbh Zapata ends up with the better deal since Jeller have to fight some bad guys and literally put out a fire. Ugh the way Jane yells for him as she tries to fight the fire alone-- it’s only when its the two of them together that they manage to extinguish it. Symbolism, much? Patterson calls right at that moment to warn them to get out, and it’s a little late, but well, it’s the thought that counts haha. Other warehouses have been burned, which means someone is trying super hard to destroy evidence but doesn’t know where it is. Jane, because she’s amazing, finds the box they nee-- and in it is a whole bunch of untested rape kits going back 20 years. I love the conversation the guys have about the low priority assigned to sexual assault testing-- it’s some good commentary from the writers about the state of the real world. 

Meanwhile, Stuart’s phone has been found in the river, and both Patterson and Zapata are very suspicious of the way Reade basically tells her to leave it alone. Looking super suss rn, bro, and I do not like it at allll.

However, I really DO like listening to Jane speak in other languages. So damn cool. And as someone who is currently staying in a foreign country and communicating solely in the local tongue, I have a renewed respect for her fluency lol.  Their Russian suspect conveniently elects to speak English though haha. How handy. He’s a bit of a tough guy but through a sneaky move on Jeller’s part, he gives them the info they need-- how he got paid, which gives them a lead on the people hiring him. Patterson also drops another pun, which is three so far this ep and I’m so proud. She also figures out that the the victim was likely linked to Kazarus, which as far as I’m aware is a fake place though tbh my geography is not super great. But anyhow, that narrows their search to two sexual assault survivors. 

And then aww Patterson pulls Weller aside and tries to support him about the whole surprise-kid thing, and ugh she’s just so sweet and wants to help both him and Jane as best she can. But he’s upset bc he knows he can’t fix this; no one can. I guess it all just takes time, right? Meanwhile Jane’s in the locker room, getting a call from Roman, and dude he really knew the whole time??  And ugh if she was sixteen when she had the baby (to her high school sweetheart aww) then he was probably about 14 at the time, just a kid himself who had suddenly become an uncle, and man I’m so sad for them both?? But lol she gets to the bullpen and covers the phone while practically yelling for them to trace the call. Not super subtle, Jane. And he tells her she initially fought Shepherd on giving the baby away and then she just ran away? I’m confused.  I guess we now understand a bit more about why Remi joined the army though I guess. Not sure how she ever went back to working for Shepherd, though, but maybe she saw the memory wipe as a way out? And Beardy was meant to fill her in on everything including the kid.  Idk. Jane’s now having a small breakdown in the locker room and decides she has to go see Shepherd, but Weller’s right when he says that Shepherd would just mess with her head. Don’t give her the satisfaction, Jane! And oh look, a mention of Bethany, haven’t had one of those in a while. And tbh that’s the way I like it, show, so keep ignoring her existence please haha.

In the lab, Patterson admits defeat about Stuart’s phone-- it’s as dead as he is. (Too soon??) But Zapata didn’t spend all that time at the CIA without gaining a few skills in the realms of deception and deviousness, and so they hatch a plan to bluff and lure out the possible mole. And then a lab tech in a headscarf calls them to see something, and the panning shot of the lab also shows another tech in a turban. Firstly, I approve of some diversity happening here, and secondly, I hope that this casting choice was deliberate so there would be people that looked at those characters and went “the traitor has to be one of them” so that when it’s shown that the traitor is someone else, the people watching have to examine just why it was that they thought either of these two background characters were guilty. (Hint: it’s racism!). Anyhow, the rape kit in question has been tested, and it turns out the rapist is the king of Kazarus. Or, the former king, since he died and his brother has assumed the throne. The only spanner in the works being that the rape resulted in a child, who, as per the Kazarussian monarchy, is the rightful heir to the throne. Which naturally means that Scar’s gotta have him taken out. Now we know who we saw at the start of the ep-- the kid and his mother, who was clearly attacked by the assassins but escaped. Now it’s a race for the team to find them before the Kazarussians do. 

And then who appears but Weitz, who is now a congressman, and conveniently an expert on Kazarus. I love that everyone looks at Hirst and she’s all “Don’t look at me, Darlins” and how is someone using ‘darling’ in plural like that so damn endearing??? The accent is what truly makes it though, obviously. But nope, it was Reade who called him, which is just another in the list of things Reade has done lately that we do not like. Weitz manages to make everyone hate him even more within mere seconds of showing up, and tbh I love to hate him. His antagonism towards Zapata is hilarious.  I like that even Hirst gives him some shit lol. Atta girl. Anyhow Weitz informs them that the ex-king’s brother Cyrus is a Bad Dude and there’s a bunch of american soldiers in Kazarus that are now at risk, and yep the stakes have just been raised

Reade gets called into the principal’s office to discuss his little spat with Zapata. How exactly does Hirst know about that, though? Though I guess if she’s paid attention to any of their interactions today then she probably could have figured it out. I’m offended that he calls Zapata a busybody?? But then he does at least say that she’s nothing to worry about and that she’s a friend. What do you two have to hide though??? Meanwhile in the lab, Patterson has found the kid by examining the curtains in a video that the kid sent to his gf. That’s my lil genius. Of course it’s super convenient that this type of curtain is only made for a specific motel chain, but whatevs, I’ll let it slide as I do with many things in this show haha. I love Zapata teasing Weitz though, suggesting that it was all too smart for him and went over his head haha

Jane’s clearly taking this case pretty personally-- and tbh it does seem veeeeeeeery convenient that there’s a case that resonates so closely with her current situation, until you remember that this time around, all the tattoos are specifically designed by Roman to be revealed in a certain order, so it makes total sense that the case matches stuff going on in their personal lives. More sense than when it happened in the last two seasons, so touche, writers. You win this round. Anyway they get to the hotel, and the kid immediately pulls a gun on them. His mom’s not looking too good though, kinda bleeding out a little on the bed, and ugh Jane does her frightened-animal whisperer thing and convinces the kid to let her help his mom. Naturally he chooses to trust her bc lbr wouldn’t you?? They get his mom to the hospital where she’s super well guarded, and he tells them about only learning at 18 about his mother’s attack. And he only learned yesterday about the whole king thing, and tells them he’ll never go to Kazarus. You just know that Jane is thinking about her baby and how the kid probably wouldn’t want to know her as they must think she abandoned them, and ugh it hurts. Why must you do this, show?

Back in the lab Patterson and Zapata have set their trap, and are waiting to see who falls into it-- only they don’t like the answer. According to her computer, Reade logged into the system to delete the files. Patterson is grim; she doesn’t like it, but she’s ready to believe it. When Zapata tries to insist that Reade wouldn’t do it, that he’s family, Patterson just reminds her: Borden was family too. And ugggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I do not like this at all. I am so done with leaks and moles and traitors and all of it ugh.  I do appreciate Weitz for making me smile here; Zapata is back at her desk and he throws a paper airplane at her, then feigns confusion, looking around for who could have done it. Tbh I actually do ship these two a little bit. All the bickering just does it for me lol. She gives him shit about probably not going to be re-elected, but he says he’s doing great in the polls. She says polls have been wrong before-- and is that some political commentary I hear? Man who was the writer of this ep because they are not pulling punches today. Reade comes over and tries to mend bridges, which tbh tastes a little sour after he was such an asshole this morning... give him nothing, Zapata!

Looks like Yasmine is gonna live, which is nice. She and Jane bond a little over protecting kids etc while Weller and the kid go to get something from the vending machine--- and ugh when they’re coming back Wller notices their guard from the door is gone and pushes the kid behind him. I love protective Weller. I also love Weller throwing an injured woman over his shoulder and carrying her to safety. Damn. He also proved pretty smart-- when they realised that the baddies were on their FBI comms, he bluffed and reported that they were headed for the roof while they escaped out the front door instead. Nice. Though why do I feel like that escape was too easy?

Patterson has figured out that it’s not Reade that’s tampering with their evidence, but someone else using his login. She confesses to Zapata about the backdoor that Wizardville gives her into people’s phones, and says she’s never used it before, which isn’t true though right?? Didn’t she use it on that Lowie guy’s lawyer a few eps ago? Anyway Zapata doesn’t care about the illegal biz, she just wants to hear her best(?) friend’s name cleared.  Turns out he wasn’t even in the building when someone used an FBI computer to access their files, so that’s at least looking good for him, even if it is bad for them as a whole

Weller reports in, and the team tracks their phones and immediately sends backup-- but too late, considering that the baddies have laid out a trap for them. Was this why it was so easy for them to get away?? Jeller manage to take out several bad dudes on their own, but not before one of them manages to molotov-cocktail their car, which blows up moments later. Dude that’s one potent cocktail… but ugh they all make it to safety, with Weller again literally carrying Yasmine, and ugh the mother and son hug and the husband and wife hug and it’s just a very poignant moment okay?? Also there’s just something really beautiful about the way Jane hugs, I can’t even really describe it. Anyhow they all make it back to the NYO, where the rest of the team (plus Weitz, in his own way) are super glad to see them alive. After a minute Zapata and Patterson sneak off, because Patterson needs to tell her the news-- the person using Reade’s login was Hirst. She’s sure because of biometric software that she runs on all of their computers, and again, man I’m super glad that these powers are in the hands of someone trustworthy like Patterson haha. But ugh this means my honey-accented cool aunt is a baddie?? She even knew that Lowie guy from a few eps ago. Well, bummer. Still holding out for the possibility that there’s more to it, but things aren’t looking great...

Oh dear, King Cyrus was murdered, and the Kazarussians are demanding their heir. Which really sucks for the kid, and Jane and Weller try to protect him, but he’s determined to go and to make things better for his fellow Kazarussians. And lbr, to have to go become king is not the worst thing??  

Wow Patterson and Zapata actually went to Reade to warn him about Hirst. I don’t know why that surprises me, but it does. I would have done some more surveillance or something first? But anyway he is really not taking it well, and kinda attacks both of them a bit over it. And wait he’s known Hirst since he was in Quantico??? That’s news to me.  And not good news, either. Please don’t be dirty, Reade. Please…

Jeller are recovering at home after a pretty damn rough day. Jane has changed her mind about finding her daughter-- she wants her just to have a happy, stable life, and that willl be far easier if she never knows Jane exists. And he just hugs her bc what can you do to make that pain better? Nothing, that’s what. She’s going to mourn her connection with her daughter for the rest of her life and ugh it just really sucks

Oh no a time jump, nothing good ever follows a time jump. And oh shit it’s Berlin. Weller’s having no luck with a rude hotel employee, which I find super unbelievable because a) he’s front desk staff at a fancy hotel, b) the person asking him for help is a man clearly traumatised about his missing wife, and c) he’s German. Him being rude makes no sense. But it does give this girl a cool opening to come help Weller out, and man I am jealous of her German speaking skills. Like I said earlier, it’s not easy!! But wait, there’s more. The girl is not only American, but she’s looking for Jane. Her mother, Jane. And oh Weller, you stupid, stupid boy. You foolish, well-meaning idiot. I am sure that your reasons for not telling Jane about this are all purely to protect her (although I also suspect you’re trying to protect yourself from her leaving you again) but dude. DUDE. This is not the kind of secret you should ever keep, and honestly if Jane leaves your ass when she finds out the truth I’m gonna be on her side of the split. Ugh, my stupid son when will you ever LEARN

[devontroxell]

Marketing Isn’t Advertising

Some people think marketing is simply commercials or ads. They consider it to be some form of paid promotion and nothing else. In their minds, marketing and advertising are the same things, interchangeable words.

We all thought blogging and social media would change all that. These new platforms were going to swoop in and save us from all of these ads. Ahh, nope.

Now we have native advertising, paid blogs. We have promoted posts on all of the social media platforms. The fat cats with all the money keep ruining everything!

With each new technology and platform, we’re convinced that marketing will forever change. It some ways it does, but mostly it stays true to what it really is.

What is Marketing?

According to the American Marketing Association, marketing is…

The activity, set of institutions, and processes for creating, communicating, delivering, and exchanging offerings that have value for customers, clients, partners, and society at large.

Advertising will always be a part of marketing. But, is marketing advertising? The word “value” in that definition is what I want to talk about.

The other day I was watching Yellowstone with my wife. Rip is an awesome character but I liked that actor better as Benny in Dazed and Confused.

Anyway, there was this really touching scene with Rip and Beth on Rip’s new front porch. Beth walks away and Rip is just sitting there on the steps watching the sunset. Next to him is a perfectly placed Yeti cooler.

We can monetize anything. I’d get a swoosh on my forehead if Nike paid me enough. But, what value does that have for society at large?

None really, people will just say “look that idiot has a big swoosh on his forehead. Nike is shameless.”

So, sure, you can pay to play. You can pay for position, attention, traffic, etc. But advertising is always going to be money in, money out. Advertising has its place but it’s not sustainable without a steady stream of money.

Good Marketing Builds Trust

When is the last time you trusted a company more because of a commercial? I’m sure it’s happened but I’m certain it’s rare.

As I’ve stated in many a presentation, good marketing is about three things…

Being Known

Being a Resource

Being Trusted (there goes the little green smiley face from Yoast, oh well, a little inside baseball, sorry)

Let’s look at each of these.

Being Known

Mark Schaefer wrote a great book titled Known that talks about this very concept. We don’t market out of the goodness of our hearts, but we certainly need to think about how we’d like our organization to be known.

And we also simply need to be known. As I discuss a bit in my last post about influencer marketing, influencers want to work with brands that are known.

Well, customers want to buy from brands they know. If they don’t know you, they will ask their friends, colleagues, etc if any of them know you. And where do they ask?

On social media

In email and text

In-person (not so much these days)

On the phone (I think people still make actual calls)

On video calls (shall we Zoom?)

Make sure you have a solid presence on social media and that you engage with your followers. Be in their inbox with helpful information, news they need, and timely tips.

At a minimum, to be known, you’ll need to do the following…

Social media marketing

Content marketing (including blogs, white papers, case studies)

Email marketing (with marketing automation if possible)

SEO

Maintain a consistent, positive, and resourceful presence in the lives of your customers and in the lives of those in a position to recommend your services.

Of course, advertising can help you become known, but what are you known for? Commercials.

You want to be known for more than just your brand or your clever ads. Which brings us to point two…

Being a Resource

One of my favorite quotes that I use constantly is from my friend, Ann Handley. To know Ann is to love Ann.

Anyway, the quote goes like this…

“Be relentlessly customer-focused and not corporate-focused. Ask yourself, as a marketer…‘What marketing will my customer THANK me for?’” – Ann Handley, CCO at MarketingProfs, Author of Content Rules and Everybody Writes

Think about that for a minute, marketing your customer will thank you for. That doesn’t seem like something most marketers might consider. Mostly, their number one concern is the bottom line.

People remember when you help them. They feel a sense of loyalty to those who were there for them. This is true for marketing as well.

For example, your content marketing efforts shouldn’t only be about SEO (although that is part of it). Content marketing should focus on utility – content that your target audience can use and share.

Utility Content

I’ve been talking about utility content for years now. It’s still a very important element of content marketing. Utility content can be any or all of the following…

How-to videos

Interviews with experts containing actionable tips

Thought-provoking posts that help someone solve a problem

Tools, references, studies, eBooks, white papers

Newsjacking, using a current event to illustrate a point

There are more examples of utility content. Don’t get bogged down on what it is, instead focus on why it’s important. It’s important because you are using this utility content to be there in your customer’s time of need.

When you become their go-to resource, you build trust.

Being Trusted

Trust comes from empathy (Scott Monty and I discuss this at length in this Wellspring Digital Chat). Your customers want to know that you truly understand them, not just from a demographics standpoint, but that you truly understand who they are.

So, who is your client? You have two choices here. You can go the simple route and develop some client characters, a fictional depiction of a real client.

Or, you can actually profile a real customer. These are called Buyer Personas. I highly recommend heading over to Adele Revella’s group, the Buyer Persona Institute, for a deep dive into what these are and how they can help.

For the purposes of this post, I want to give you the basics. Ultimately, you are interviewing different clients to develop a user profile. If you know anything about UX, this should seem familiar to you.

A Very Quick Buyer Persona Activity

Set up a call with a real client. Let them know you’re looking to gain a better understanding of their needs. Keep it brief and focused. Then, center on a specific experience they’ve had with you and ask them the following…

Motivations – What drove them to take action and begin this journey?

Goals – What did they want to accomplish?

Expectations – How did they envision the journey? Did reality match expectations?

Behavior – How did they interact with your organization (in person, through an ad, on your website, on social)? What was their state of mind (busy, angry, happy, frantic, etc.)?

Listening to real clients tell you about their experience working with you will help you to change your mindset. You are now able to understand them and truly empathize with their situation.

Marketing Beyond Advertising

Now, you are able to create marketing that they will thank you for, marketing that builds trust instead of advertising that’s just noise. You’re building trust by developing marketing initiatives that actually help them in their time of need.

Everything you give them should…

Offer them value

Be easy to understand and actionable

Be shareable

Use language they understand

Have no strings attached

Be authentic, this post about Core Values might help

What you do with your marketing from this point forward will determine if you are known, a valued resource, and trusted. Remember, there is no trust without action…

Create good content that they can use.

Get it out to them through smart sharing.

Create a customer experience that delivers value.

Value builds trust!

Trust leads to shares, links, and a following!

This brings leads, customers, and builds your bottom line.

See? You can still build your bottom line, but you have to focus on the customer first and foremost. They will reward you with their trust, their referrals, and their repeat business.

Marketing Isn’t Advertising published first on https://wabusinessapi.tumblr.com/

[itissadbutitsmy-life]

you know what who cares about clarity? have an incoherent ramble about pb, how she treats lemonhope, a couple parts about lemongrab, and proof that phlannel boxingday is the best Dad™ in the entirety of adventure time below the cut

I would die for phlannel boxingday he's so good for lh he is the Best father in the entire series and I almost cRied about it

there's a lot of shitty dads in advtime and a lot of dads that could do better but aren't like malevolent, and there's also phlannel, the best damn guy with the kindest fucking heart in the entire show, and he kills giant sentient birds for a living

Listen h

Wait am I about to cry rant about the one off character again

Yeah here goes he was so good he. I mean. I mean. He's so patient and understanding and gentle and lh nEEDS that h he was fucking broken up in his home and then pb spirited him away and put the fate of his entire family on his shoulders and treated him like he was Very Smart And The Chosen One But Would You Just Fucking TRY. and phlannel grabs him away and goes look. you're a good kid. and maybe you can save your family. but you can't beat yourself up over it, you can't put all that weight on your shoulders. you are able to go save them if you want but you are one of many champions in this world, and someone else will do it if you can't. and until then I'm going to keep you fed and clothed and be a person you can come to with anything, because I have no ulterior motives. I really literally don't. 

and every t ime he talks to him he talks low and gentle, he points things out like how he IS a smart kid he REALLY is he just learns differently, he doesn't force him to do anything he doesn't want to do like every other adult figure in his life has up to this point. he knows he has nightmares so obviously lh feels safe enough w him to talk to him about things like that, or he just pays attention and like. knows he keeps waking up screaming and instead of going "ha that's fine," he goes "kids shouldn't be waking up screaming so I'm going to keep an eye on it," he picks up on lh's concerns and gently tells him it isn't his fault when he drops things,

Like ok here's my thing. I know first impression pb is rly nice, yadda yadda I wrote a whole thing (didn’t post it tho lmao) abt how the Ugly Candy People seem to be the worse off ones and that might be her doing if it isn't just coincidence, and I don't feel like getting into that. but . here's my thing abt the lemonhope two parter and pb

Like first off I'm still pissed she put him in a Special School like. how transparent can you be. she's playing favorites and she's raising him for a specific purpose of being a champion. but it's not like, extracurricular champion school, bc she's clearly trying to also teach finn geometry. or maybe she's just. 

Idk but it seems really fucjibg phony. like. just set him up in a school where he can socialize and learn in an environment structured for teaching and socializing. I know lemon ppl don't Get Along With Others but like. singling him out is just. mmmmm don't like that

Anyways so that's one thing but like. she seems to be such! a nice and understanding lady right? she's soft and sweet and she's dangerous when she needs to be, but like. I know we all know she's kind of a dick and she monitors everyone in her kingdom closely to the point of creepiness, etc etc we know. but like. u know what really gets me in the lh two parter is just. how ......inconsiderate? she is maybe? 

like . yeah she wants to fix what went wrong (lg’s cannibalism and like tyranny etc). she can't or won't do it herself ('can't' meaning she's legally not allowed to, but what the fuck is lg gonna do to her? she can destroy him with a fucking flick of her wrist and literally the only person gaining anything from him locking up his kingdom on every legal level possible is himself if that, and we all know his earldom is quite literally overpopulated.So she has nothing but principle stopping her from barging in and demanding he stop, to protect all the other citizens he's hurting. He'll do anything she asks. like maybe once it got bad he wouldn't, maybe he started to realize she never cared about him and she never would, but honestly even if he did start to realize that, if she fucking walked in the door and said she needs to talk he'd be putty in her fingers. he'd listen and do everything she asks of him, and none of the lemon people are gonna fuvkinh stop her. they either know to fear her from lg or stories or experience, or they just know she's their boss's boss, so to speak, and would deliver her right to lg or just let her pass. Right? unless lg has them on orders to like. kill on sight or something. but those poor kids aren't any match for pb and pb's no idiot, she'd take backup or she'd straight up murder them. there's literally no reason for her to not go. she's gonna respect politics now? NOW? She's a fucjibg monolith and she does whatever the fuck she wants no matter what kingdom she's walking into, and now that her son is hurting every single person he's ever loved, NOW she decides she Can't Just Interfere? Fuck you) but uh since she can't/won't do it herself she needs lh to. ok. fine. But like. over and over she repeatedly treats him poorly, like...... like yeah ok she isn't Being Mean but. idk. you take a scared little kid out of his abusive family, then you repeatedly make him see what his siblings are going through now that he's gone, and tell him over and over that it's up to him to make them stop being hurt?

The lemon people are all just babies ? like ok they're not BABIES they're their own ppl but . but they're. so young of COURSE they believe what pb said and what lg2 said, that lh needs to come back for them; HE got away, so so can they, and he's gonna be the one to do it. They're poetic and tragic like the fire kingdom, but grittier and less pretty and performative. of course they'd latch onto the only hero they were given.

but like. to lh it was probably more like. this lady came and took me away from my family so they'd stop hurting me, but she left all my siblings behind, and now she's telling me I have to be the one to save them? lmao no you do it yourself. you did it once you can do it again.

so uh

so lh's adult interaction so far seems to have been like. 

wait was he one of the ones they made originally or is he a second gen lemon person/ someone lg2 made with lollipops like in that one fanfic 

assuming he was in the FIRST BATCH because I'm mean I guess, his adult interaction has been two people who adore me with all their hearts but can't figure out how to feed me-> probably some affection in here somewhere bc he had to get that harp from someplace -> guy who fucking electrocutes us and other guy who's too scared to stop him -> oh shit what the fuck -> lady who got me out of that situation but won't save my siblings and keeps pretending I'm someone I'm not

u know what, I think that's her whole problem

she made lg to be her heir, that's good, but he didn't act how she expected and she couldn't figure out how to support him, so she sent him away (much as I like to say she did it bc like. neddy was antisocial and scared of ppl too and he was ok if he was kept alone so maybe that was all lg wanted too,,,,, like there was still no reason to throw him at the very fucking edge of ooo aight. get him a house in the grasslands or something.). she tried to help him, realized she was making it worse and actually hurting him, so she tried to help again and it worked, bc all lg wanted was to be loved and not to be told over and over (symbolically) that he was REALLY unwanted, but still begrudgingly needed bc he's the only heir to the throne. so getting a friend who wouldn't hate him for who he was was all he wanted. so she did good and kinda let it be for a while. 

but he also really wanted his mothers love, and he tried to act like her so she'd appreciate him or even notice him. so he makes kids for her, he realizes this makes him and his brother happy (HAPPY), and can't stop doing it because he's alone with his brother and their newborn children and no one's telling them to stop. she fixes it, she lets it be.

He's still unwanted. she still hates him. she hates ppl who don't act how she wants them to. she HATES the duke of nuts whose only crime is eating her pudding (possible she hates him bc he's just So Good And Kind, too, and it's fishy), she clearly doesn't treat all her citizens equally (do you see how trashed some of the backstreets are? I mean maybe people are just smashing them faster than she can fix them, but like. I don't know. I don't feel good about it.), she won't fucking talk to the literal heir to her throne (i don’t thiiink he’s been replaced yet?) except when he makes a mess and needs someone to help him fix it. and then she does it as minimally as possible. she sends fnj to fix it or smth. she just. Really wants nothing to do with her failures I guess. maybe that's it. he woke up screaming and needing things other candy people don't need, and she called him her own personal failing. maybe she feels like she let him down by not making him so he could be happy in her kingdom. maybe she blames herself but instead of working with him and supporting him, she gives him anything he asks for and otherwise avoids contact with him like the plague. 

Anyways so what she wanted was a cute, competent candy person to take her throne right? and she goes to his kingdom and she wanders around and like. no one here is her kind of normal. they're all ugly and deformed and squawky and everything's yellow. and to lg and lg everything is BEAUTIFUL, those are their beloved babies that they risked their lives to have, but she doesn't know that, she just knows that MAN those lgs are weird, and when I try to help them, they get mad and lash out at me.

by her first failed experiment she means the first one that made her feel like she was capable of making mistakes that ruin lives. like even if we call that one comic canon, with that Sweet Pink Goop she made before lg, that goop didn’t seem sentient, let alone capable of feeling the consequences of being alive and different from the other candy people

she looks around and she tries to figure out what she doesn't understand. right? in too old. like maybe getting away from them and looking around their house will give her insight into why her heir won't just act like her, won't just be normal and quiet and do what she expects people to do, why she can't figure out how to help him without making him angry (and scared and hurt), figure out what it is HE expects, because he's a person too.

And she finds someone who ISN'T deformed or ugly or weird, she finds someone who honestly wouldn't be out of place (looks wise) in her candy kingdom. and he's bemoaning his unfair treatment and he's dressed in rags and he's alone and he's young and he's talented. 

And he's what she meant to make in the first place. Someone soft and cute, but with whatever traits she'd been looking for in an heir, presumably. someone who can rule a kingdom decently in her place, even better than her, i have my own hcs about that lmao. he’s someone who doesn't flinch when she touches his shoulder, who doesn't have such a cold stare, or such a shrill and uninviting voice. he's small and he's young and he's soft and he's talented and he's being mistreated

and like. she saw other kids getting publicly electrocuted and she saw lg hitting his brother and she saw the fucking evidence of really violent mistreatment, and she went ":/" until she saw someone who she could sympathize with.

and lh isn't who she thinks he is. He's a lemon person, he's Lemongrab's son (or... grandson or like. nephew. I don't know. young relative or like juvenile member of his species.) he's not a candy person, but he looks like one. he's symmetrical and visually healthy. so she gets maternal and concerned, because now it doesn't look like lg's hurting people she doesn't want to even look at let alone worry about (asshole). now to her it looks like he's neglecting and harming a young kid. And they're all young kids, they're all pretty new, they're all people and they're all being hurt. but she can't bring herself to care what he does so long as he’s hurting people she doesn’t care about, that's his business; when she gets involved he threatens to kill her or he upsets her people or whatever. but when she sees someone who looks like a person, who looks like a person of hers, who looks like a kid and who looks like a healthy kid being abused (chubby and healthy but tattered and shock collared and locked in a bathroom, as opposed to like. another lemon person walking around in nice clothes and a shock collar) she gets him out

and she plays on his feelings, she goes, you're the kid I always expected to raise. you're the kid I was supposed to raise to become a shining champion of my kingdom. I made lg, and he turned out wrong and I dropped him as far off the face of the earth as I could, and now I have Finn to be my champion. but you, you need to be great, still. you need to be my shining star. You need to go back and do what lg2 told you to do in his Fuvking Dying Breaths, because like, suddenly me and him are on the same page I guess. 

I don't super blame lg2 for putting all that on lh's shoulders tbh. He's not much older than the kids, really, and like I said, they're all poetic and tragic. and lg2 was getting eaten too so like can you really blame him for anything at that pt. he doesn't know pb really, all his interactions with her were probably Not Bad but lg hates her and would also do anything for her so lg2 probably hates her a little by association. You're the one who hurt my brother and hurt him and hurt him and hurt him, why should I trust you to come get my children away from a dangerous situation? how do I even know if you consider this a dangerous situation? glob for all he knows she electrocutes her people too when they don't please her. for all he knows this is normal.

actually no I give him more credit than that. he might not know if pb considers it normal or not but the fact that lg fucking destroys his spirit when just months ago he was telling him he was the best thing in his entire life, yeah, he knows hurting your kids isn't normal, he knows hurting your life partner isn't normal, he knows maybe how lg came to this conclusion, but he won't tolerate it if he can help it

Anyways I love him?

so in conclusion pb treats lh like he's a candy person when he's NOT, and phlannel boxingday is the absolute purest most wholesome character to ever walk into that fucjibg TV series and he's the only one who treats lh the way he needs to be treated - like a person, like a smart person, like a person who's been abused and been put on a pedestal, like a person with his own needs and experiences that are different from maybe what you'd expect or wish. That's my conclusion. It's 11 fucking pm I need my dam slEEP

real quick summary bc I think I see where I was trying to go with this long ramble: pb's inconsiderate in that she treats him like a gifted candy person, not a gifted lemon person, let alone just a scared little kid who's been really neglected and abused. she at least seems to just kinda ignore the whole thing where he gets defensive and... grabby? idk bc he grew up in a house where he was hungry and ignored and hurt

idk

you give a kid who was raised in a house where he's always hungry and competing with his siblings for food two cupcakes do you really think he's going to share them

especially when it's very clear that you have many cupcakes

do you really think so

also just. if we go w saying a LOT of lg's quirks come from him parroting how pb treated him, idk she just. doesn't do a great job of not treating lh the same way. sure she apologizes when she calls him unacceptable but still I get the feeling she treats him more like lg did than she'd like to think.