#listened to half an audiobook making this & had the time of my life tbh

[elialys]

"You know, I am a fucking disaster. But I'm also relentless. And I'm loyal. I think we can make you a newsreader."

THE NEWSREADER | 1.01 "Three, Two, One..."

[exciting]

As requested, books / series I read in 2020 in the order I read them, with a few brief thoughts. (This took me a hot second because there are a few and also I moved cities) Should I keep a consistent goodreads? Yes I should but I didn’t think of that at the time, so bone apple teeth & sorry if I offend you abt your faves x

P.S. I can’t figure out how to do a read more on mobile so long post ahead!

A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J Maas - This is one of the most vivid published fantasy books I have ever read... I read it twice in rapid succession. The fandom POPS off. I must say I have issues with certain aspects e.g. fae lore completely ignored à la Twilight, all love interests 500+ years old and technically a different species, etc (I’m not going to deconstruct the entire series here but just know that I could... Nesta deserves better)

Cruel Prince by Holly Black - This fucking slaps, HB clearly has done her research, the lore is near immaculate, and it explores the Fae in such a unique way, tying it to the modern world subtly and seamlessly. My only qualm was that the books felt quite short; truly wish there had been more content.

Throne of Glass by Sarah J Maas (6/7) - So basically I read this in one single, hyperfixated fit which meant I literally locked myself in my room for three days straight and read all six books back to back in a row from morning to the wee hours. Which is not to say it was spectacular; although it was a VERY rich world, sometimes it was too much... this felt like 6 stories in one. Ik she was young when she wrote this but it is my humble opinion that SJM needs a better editor & I personally think Rowan is a grade A asshole / straight up abusive (& personally think the ACOTAR Tamlin plot was born from that?). It’s good but not as good as ACOTAR. Skip-read the last book. 

Grishaverse (Shadow and Bone) by Leigh Bardugo (3) - This is essential to read before SOC but was very much simply a YA fantasy book, although the world was cool and the way the love plot played out was, imo, a subtle middle finger to the fantasy trope. Felt very much aimed at younger readers though? Really liked the sandwhich structure of the Proluge and Epilogue, especially in #2

Six of Crows series by Leigh Bardugo (2) - INCREDIBLE continuation of Grishaverse, better than the original series by a mile. It has the range, the diversity, the representation (the male lead is a disabled asexual and still the most cunning of the entire cast of characters), the plot is phenomenal, and it manages such a well rounded plot in only two books which means nothing is stretched out or squeezed in more than need be. Deserves all the praise it gets.

King of Scars series by Leigh Bardugo (0.5/1) - Personally I don’t consider this book canon, and while it’s nice to see the rest of Nina’s journey & the world again & everyone else, I don't like it. I will, however, be reading book 2 when it comes out, so shame on me, I suppose.

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo (1/1) - this was incredibly cool although it went off in a completely different direction than I thought it would based off the first few chapters? One of my favourite YA-author-debuts-New-Adult novels in 2020 though!

Crescent City by Sarah J Maas (1/1) - This was supposed to be SJM/s New Adult debut, although personally I would put her other series in New Adult, and I can’t say a remarkable amount was different with this except they said “fuck” and “ass” a lot. WHY is the romantic interest 500 years old AGAIN. I just... don’t... I just don’t think it was necessary... the world was cool though, and the last half of the book was riveting, but the beginning was quite slow and I thought the sword thing was predictable. I am interested to see where this goes though.

A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab (3) - This world is so fucking cool... four Londons aka parallel universes & the one in ‘our’ world is set in industrial era London. Magic, girls dressing up as boys, thieves, pirates, royalty... it all just slaps. Schwab is an incredible writer & I was completely immersed.

Midnight Sun by SMeyer - I didn’t think anything could possibly detract even further from the Twilight story but I was sorely mistaken... seeing the stalking from Edward’s POV - and it was worse than depicted in Twilight, for the record - completely obliterated any sort of romance the first half of the original book may have portrayed. I still hold the opinion that the entire series would have been better if some kind of vampire lore had been abided by, if only to see all of the villains thwarted by someone dropping a bag of rice on the ground, forcing them to have to count them all.

An ember in the Ash by Sabaa Tahir  (3/4) - This was just a very stereotypical ya fantasy series, emphasis on the YOUNG... it wasn’t anything to write home about but I remember quite enjoying it at the time. 

The Power by Naomi Alderman - This book is FUCKING incredible and EXCEPTIONALLY thought provoking... essentially women alone develop a power of electric shock etc. and then take over the world from men, and it explores feminism and the balance between equality & tipping the scales in the other direction. Written by a friend of M.Atwood in a similar tone to handmaids tale, I would say? Content warning; there are some exceptionally graphic scenes in the latter half of the novel. 

Hamlet by Wllm Shksp - I can’t believe it took me this long to finally read it but Ophelia is my favourite name in the entire world & we love to see a woman go batshit (although she didn’t deserve that). 

Catherine House by Elisabeth Thomas - this was unsettling in the best sense of the word... it was a little slow & honestly more of a concept than a big reveal, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it after I finished it? A Secret History vibes but make it blurry like the memory of all those dystopian novels you read when you were young?

The Invisible Life of Addie La Rue by V.E. Schwab - This is without a doubt my book of the year, and probably the best book I read in 2020? I stayed up all night on a friend’s couch reading it, got a book hangover and reread the ending, and then thrust it upon my mother who doesn’t usually read but read this, and loved it just as much. HIGHLY recommend and you HAVE to read it, it’s beautiful and endearing and just plain wonderful.

Captive Prince by C.S. Pacat (3/3) - I went into this knowing it was going to be terrible, because I had received a blow by blow telling me as much; although I must say that it did learn a remarkable amount of new words, the books did get better as the series went on, and it did have a rather charming ending? BIG content warning for almost everything.

Sapiens by Yuval Harari - mind-expanding & must recommend for everyone, there is everything in this and I daresay everyone should posses this kind of knowledge? I listened to it as an audiobook (which I recommend because it’s rather hearty) but will be buying this in hardcopy & rereading it with annotations. 

Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller - Without a doubt, one of the most beautiful novels I have ever read, and certainly the most beautiful portrayal of the story of Achilles and the battle of Troy I have ever seen. Patroclus deserved the justice that was given to him in this book; indeed, all of the characters were written with justice and grace. Highly recommend.

Trials of Apollo by Rick Riordan (3/5) - Apollo is my favourite Greek God, and the sexiest greek god, and Rick Riordan’s writing slaps, as always. It did pain me to see Apollo, the sexy immortal, have to be forced back into a 16 year old’s body but everything else? Whimsical & wonderful, as expected. 

These Violent Delights by Chloe Gong - a retelling of Romeo and Juliette, except it’s set in Shanghai in the 1920′s, and the protagonists already have a history. Very well done, characters are incredibly diverse in race, sexual orientation, gender, and ability / disability (and honestly, representation has never appeared so effortless and elegant). Also it includes a monster and possible magic. Incredibly underrated and highly recommend.

The Once and Future Witches by Alix. E Harrow - this was such a unique concept, and truly captivating, the story was charming, and felt like the kind of beautiful fairytale you would read as children but with more grit? ABSOLUTELY recommend this one

The Pisces by Melissa Broder - I hated this so much, not my vibe at all. Mermaid smut x therapy but make it cynical and judgemental (I know there was a moral in there but that’s not my point) also the dog dies.

Library of the Unwritten by A.J. Hackwith (1/2) - really interesting & unique concept (all unwritten novels / ideas reside in a special library that is part of Hell and then sometimes the books can come to life) however, my first thought upon reading this was “this reads as if it’s stemmed from one of those writing prompt tumblr posts” bc of the tone and whatever and as it turns out I was somewhat correct, it did stem from a short story (not bad just obvious). It did kind of settle down as it went on but I found reading it kind of a drag, and I don’t think I will read the second one.

Abandon by Meg Cabot - 1. Meg Cabot’s writing always fucking slaps 2. Hades and Persephone but make it modern & very 2000′s & somehow kind of unique 3. I literally loved this, sue me

Medusa Girls (Sweet Venom) by Tera Childs - Like Percy Jackson except they are descendants of Medusa so they are Gorgons and have fangs & venom (hence the title). Gave me very 2000′s vibes? Quite cool but tbh I found the books quite short (like two hours each, if that)? Do NOT read the GoodReads description of the book before you read it, you will spoil it for yourself.

Bring me their Hearts by Sara Wolf - In my opinion, this is one of the most underrated YA series I read in 2020. The heroine is endearing, self aware, witty, and loves to look pretty even while kicking ass which in my opinion is an incredibly underrated trait. Also, immortality without being hundreds of years old? VERY sexy. HIGHLY recommend. 

A Deal with the Elf King by Elise Kova - High commendation to be given for the fact that it is a standalone and yet manages to fit in the plot of what would usually be a full fantasy trilogy without cutting corners or being a million miles long? Also sweet storyline & beautiful ending? If you liked ACOTAR you should read this as a “what would have / could have been had SJM had a different editor” (No shade I promise).

The Iron Fae by Julie Kagawa (4/4 + novellas) - Incredibly detailed faerie set around the modern world & our current use of technology & iron in it. Very neat adventure-style series, by the time I read the last novella I was well and truly done with the world (aka provided enough content to be fulfilling). Was definitely aimed at a younger audience though, NO smut / smut was brushed over.

The Modern Faerie Tales by Holly Black (3/3 SS) - This is technically the prequel to Cruel prince, set in the modern world, but with the fae world inside it as it traditional? All I have to say is that it is excellent & I highly recommend it.

Bridgerton series (The Duke and I) by Julia Quinn (9/9) - I read this after watching the Netflix show twice through and I am obsessed, although the books were not quite as elegant as the show, and some parts that made me cringe either by their portrayal (it is very firmly set in the 19th century and thus some things are not handled with tact or grace), the characters were exceptionally loveable and I am so excited to see where the show takes them! Lovely language & an abundance of words I had never seen before (always a plus). 

[neverlearnedtoread]

King of Scars

⭐⭐⭐; me at any given moment in the second half of the book: leigh.......*sobbing* please........where are we

Oh?? 👌😉😏

incredible set-up! the first half was SO exciting and fun. every set-up was brimming with piping hot takes. court intrigue, power couple vibes, sneaking around / keeping up appearances interspersed with real feelings - bardugo set out a real feast of a story, that’s for sure

non-powered protagonist / POV in a magical setting. it’s one of my favourite tropes (i can pinpoint the origin of this preference back to one specific book in my childhood favourites)

badass women! need i say more

political intrigue (especially with the backdrop of a magical setting!)

No.. ❌🤢🤮

the author lost the thread SO HARD in the second....it really fell so flat after such a fantastic premise. im so disappointed 😭 i wanted so much and i got barely a crumb....please leigh, just another mouthful of that political intrigue....im begging ya......

im not that mad about the [spoilers] at the end of the story, but i am utterly befuddled by how it happened - and that’s not even taking into account how confused i am about the future direction of the story. bardugo, where? are? you? going?? it’s getting to the point i don’t fully trust she knows where she’ll end up either, and that’s dangerous

Nina’s story should have been a novella that came out before KoS. It would have been much more cohesive, and I could concentrate on Nina’s arc more on its own, and probably would’ve hyped up KoS that much more because of how these two stories are supposed to happen concurrently. Honestly, as interesting as Nina’s story was, I don’t have that much to say about it. It was good. I wish it was its own story. That’s about it.

Summary: Three years after the Ravkan Civil War, King Nikolai finds himself wrestling with an interesting problem. While his shrewd political machinations and barefaced charisma have kept Ravka from devolving into yet another conflict with one of its many enemies, he’s been losing ground in a battle with his own body as some uncontrollable curse repeatedly takes over his consciousness, causing him to wreck havoc across the nearby countryside night after night. After he nearly kills a child on one of his fun little jaunts as a giant bird-creature, he decides to take matters into his own hands and travel to a place of cleansing, which he hopes will be strong enough to purge the darkness. Things can only go downhill from there. (Oh yeah! And Nina is doing cool, sexy, creepy, important stuff somewhere else. That’s a thing too.)

Concept: 💭💭💭

I did not expect to pick up this book. I got into Six of Crows quite late, and I didn’t love the duology (it was good! i love inej. and everyone else is there too ig), so when I read the reviews (tbh I just listened to the KoS liveshow by the Papercut trio, but same thing) and they weren’t...that positive? i chalked it up to a cute cover i could admire from a distance whenever i visited a bookstore and moved on. But! Life moves in mysterious ways...and by mysterious I mean my friend listened to the audiobook and got me into it as well so we could share thoughts

Spoilers under the cut~

Execution: 💥💥💥💥 (first half) / 💥💥 (second half)

...And share thoughts we did! The first half of the book was *chef’s kiss* set-up so beautifully. I’ve never read the Grisha Trilogy, but I can feel that bardugo prefers to play fast and loose with her worldbuilding rules anyway, so there wasn’t much I couldn’t pick up using context clues. The characterization for two POVs I’d never read before, let alone even knew the backstory of beyond the vaguest inclination, was masterful! I immediately liked Nikolai and Zoya. Then we got to the second part, and I have never seen anything go downhill quite so effortlessly. More spectacularly? Yes. More quickly? Absolutely! Somehow, this was more like a slow slide into mediocrity, which was....worse. We just kept getting further and further away from the original intrigue, and setting up yet more moving pieces and unanswered questions, and, and - ! The book ended. I am so afraid that this has become a bigger beast than Bardugo can control, and that’s why she’s announcing a Six of Crows continuation - to pull it all together without admitting she may have lost the thread of this narrative.

Favourite Moment: while I loved where nina ended up at the end of the story (and i WISH we had had her story in a separate novella so i could fully appreciate the BDE), I think my favourite scene is when nikolai says to zoya ‘so what about that amplifier of yours that you were highly emotionally attached to’ and zoya not only tells him, but takes off her shirt to show him the scars without being directly asked. like damn! all he had to do was ask an unrelated question! shit! half the population of ravka would die to be as lucky as their king

Personal Enjoyment: ❤❤❤❤❤ (first half) / ❤❤ (second half)

I love it when a story hinges on two characters playing off of the other. There’s the banter, of course, but the real meat of this premise is always the character reveals and parallels you’re privy to, when you match two characters the audience has yet to learn more about against each other. It’s like...shadows and light! The interplay of similarities and differences! The intrigue of these characters reacting to any character reveals alongside the audience themselves in real-time! ‘Two sides of the same coin’-type narratives are always super fun, with or without shipping. And I think that’s the crux of the reason the second half of the book fell apart - despite being two out of three of the only humans stuck in that Other Place, and literally unable to go anywhere, Nikolai and Zoya simply....stopped talking to each other. And trusted two otherworldly god-like figures. Without question. 👀👀 HUH? HUH?? They’ve both been established to trust very few people - it took them three years to build themselves up to trusting each other, and they worked side-by-side to govern an entire country. But when it came down to the wire, you’re telling me they picked some random mythical dudes they had never believed existed? Make it make sense, Bardugo. They’re not even teenagers in-canon anymore, there’s no excuse for that kind of lapse in character consistency.

Favourite Character: i’m going to cheat and say that nikolai and zoya tie - their personalities were so compelling. if only they could have combined their two braincells to give me the fully realised character arc this book truly deserved :(( they could have had intertwined narrative parallels! the foil potential! cmon bardugo, am i gonna have to rewrite this book in my mind myself, or what?

[vaguely-concerned]

Mass Effect: Annihilation thoughts

TL;DR I fucking LOVED IT, a balm to my heart after struggling through Nexus Uprising! Also canonical lesbians! The sweetest quarian & his badass grandma! Elcor Hamlet except this time it’ll make you cry!!! 

- Aaaaaah the audiobook reader is Tom Taylorson (so male Ryder)!! Fryda Wolf (female Ryder) read the two others and did a nice job, but man I’m soft for his voice in a way only rivaled by (...outside-of-Overwatch!)Jennifer Hale and Nicholas Boulton haha. He also has a much better handle on the pronunciations and voices for the different alien species -- delightful, I’m still cackling over his pitch perfect elcor impersonation. (Bioware please give him more Scott Ryder to voice I miss my son)

- I’m only about half an hour in and this is already SO much better than Nexus Uprising, it really does feel like a brave new galaxy haha. Very funny, very warm and smart and engaging in how it does its characterization and Valente clearly has affection for the setting and the universe, she and Jemisin both do incredible jobs with these. 

- I’m fucking crying laughing at this cross-species near-brawl over a flower arrangement, god I love Mass Effect SO MUCH (what a neat idea though. something blooming quietly even when no one can see it. impractical as hell and hilariously including a high-nutrition celery now, but still neat)

Taylorson continues to wonderful things with the voices, that volus suit sound is so good. (he’s just generally really good at comedy) also a volus bellowing insults ‘moments before punching an anti-bouquet batarian in the groin’ sdafhjklsahfsjadkhfklajshdfkjlsadhf

- a high as a kite elcor... what a time to be alive, to get to read this book

I have already reached the ‘I LOVE EVERYONE IN THIS BAR’ stage with these characters, hard boiled drell detective lady and sweet sweet quarian first officer and manically enthusiastic elcor doctor TOT I would die for any one of you!!!

- The quarian/multispecies ark was built for long-term habitation, potentially over multiple generations. So what you’re telling me is that the quarians are the only ones who fucking thought this through and the rest of the Initiative probably should have listened to the people who’ve essentially been living on arks for ages. Who’d’ve thunk huh lol. (I guess the in-universe explanation is that people like the mysterious benefactor just wanted those arks yeeted to Andromeda ASAP, no time to get fancy in case the Reapers changed up their schedule. Fair enough)

- ;n; petition to let senna have a SAM pls (also uh. how happy do you think the stringently anti-AI quarian pathfinder will be when he finds out about everyone else’s SAMs lol lol lol he’s going to PASS OUT FROM RAGE upon meeting ryder. well he sounds like an asshole, I hope he dies so senna gets a chance)  

- I can’t BELIEVE yorrik is an anti-stratfordianist, i am betRAYED! disgraceful, how can I still love you knowing this (and yet I do he is extremely funny and sweet)!!! (at least his theory is that this so-called ‘shakespeare’ was actually an elcor, which makes it better somehow lol. anything so long as he’s not an oxfordian tbh)

senna and yorrik’s friendship is so good and wholesome 

- I really love the consistent alien POVs in this book, mass effect should indulge in this more -- everyone loves this universe so much, bioware, stop making us squint through a human lense to look at it!!  

- oh of course quarian ‘pirates’ exist, the people who’re thrown out of the fleet must be doing something huh. 

- haven’t written that many notes in a while just because I’m enjoying myself so much, I keep forgetting 

- lfsdkhfsajkldhfskadjhfsjakdfhsdkjfh communist volus!!!! this is not a drill, communist volus! I am completely and utterly charmed by this entire book

- the quarian ancestor VI is so interesting and weirdly touching. senna is adorable (and relatably neurotic lol)

grandma AI smoking T___________T I love everything about this, she’s so cool. the worldbuilding being done around pre-geth revolution rannoch here... exquisite 

- way to make me cry about batarians cat valente ;_______;

- the voice acting is SO FUCKING GOOD! I keep forgetting it’s one dude reading all these characters haha, I caught myself wanting to look up who voiced this dying batarian. (special shoutout that he does so many wonderfully distinct and specific female voices!) 

- haHA I KNEW the quarian VI was a full AI (or near enough that it makes little difference tbh)!!! this fabulous grandma was self aware the entire time b i t c h e s !!!!

- the running joke of borbala’s ‘you need ______? I can make _______ happen’ is SO satisfying hahaha

ooooooh serious femslash vibes!!!! initially I thought batarian ex-crime matriarch was too old for drell PI, but this is undeniable. (I don’t think we actually ever get to know how old annex is, anyway, come to think of it) I guess if asari get to be five times older than everyone else and still fuck freely this isn’t really that weird lol

- “don’t look! it’s not so bad if you don’t look!” ofhsdalfhskldlsfjas oh senna baby boy 

hey qetsi? qetsi both senna and I love grandma liat more than you. stand the fuck down 

- NOOOO GRANDMA LIAT ;______________________________________;

- do you think SAM could meet liat (either ship!liat or just grandma!liat).... and have... a friend ;_________; (a cool laidback friend who isn’t a murderous angaran ai who might very well go the murder suicide sort of friendship route lol) 

anyway I miss SAM a lot and love him??

- yorrik noooooooooooo this is awful everything is bad and terrible I love all of them so much why must senna be sad and watch everything he loves fade away 😭😭😭

“Will all great Neptune’s ocean wash this blood/Clean from my hand?” He realized he’d forgotten to preface the words with an emotion. Now they wouldn’t understand what he meant.

Oh. Oh what a way to drive home the sadness and loneliness of this moment f u c k  (and again the emotion taylorson brings to it jesus cHRIST) 

I’m destroyed over how much senna and yorrik love each other, cross species found family out here wrecking my heart in true mass effect style 

- yorrik is such a great character though. he’d be so easy to make a one-note joke character (like most elcor have been in canon lbr), but there’s nuance and depth and just enough satsifyingly believable alienness there. (I love the staunch elcor ‘you can’t call anything love that hasn’t lasted at least two centuries’ perspective haha) his memories of his childhood and disappointment with his profession and everything... goodnight sweet prince indeed :(

- they went and made elcor hamlet heartbreaking how dare they 

(to be real for a second I think some of the human culture references are a little bit clunky, but the elcor hamlet stuff is perfect. contextualizing a throwaway joke from the original trilogy and giving it emotional depth, helping us see it from the elcor perspective and how frustrating and lonely it is to be so fundamentally not emotionally understood or seen on a level most of the other races are, despite their other differences, even though you have all these feelings and want to communicate... its very good.)   

fun additional fact: both mordin and yorrik have played/wanted to play polonius in a production of hamlet! though I guess mordin is the slightly problematic fave in that duo and yorrik is a sweet melancholic angel who has never done anything wrong in his life, I would say protect him but I guess it’s too late for that D:  

- qetsi giving off some real ophelia vibes here, I wish yorrik was here to see it, he’s the only one who’d properly appreciate it despite it all

- I. am. SO FUCKING HUNGRY for more mass effect after this (well even more so than usual) I’m so hyped!! I love this universe so much! I want a new andromeda game with senna as quarian pathfinder and grandma liat as the ship’s AI and see how they interact with ryder and SAM! (honestly though I feel like senna might be the one who’d translate the most cleanly into a game, I think there’s a lot of potential in him that’s barely being realized towards the end there with his deep righteous rage cutting through his uncertainty. also I just want nice things for him. is that so much to ask. he is a good boy, yorrik was so right.)

- aaaah not just femslash vibes, canonical lesbians, this is not a drill! I can’t wait until they propose... ‘we get shit done together, want to be in good cop/bad cop with me until the day we die y/n?’  

- the ME universe doesn’t feel quite itself without all these ‘background’ species hanging around, I suddenly realize. I dream of an Andromeda sequel with all of them on the board and in play again Y-------Y 

- potential Liat and SAM dynamics are so fucking interesting though! if she becomes/is confirmed as a full AI (all I hope and dream of), you’ll have two artificial intelligences with such different starting points but not that dissimilar goals? Liat was an organic person once who’s looking out for her family even now, and SAM is completely artificial but also intimately tied to and protecting His People. (and pulling a whole lot of symbolic weight re: the strength of familial/interpersonal relationships to boot; he’s the best way alec ryder managed to connect with his children. even though he was dead. because as established alec ryder was a disaster of a person)  

- I enjoyed the loose murder mystery structure of this quite a lot, but that might also be because nexus uprising is so shapeless and meandering by comparison that I’d be relieved by anything else (sorry I’ll stop ragging on NU soon it just. took some hours of my life I can’t get back)  

- jemisin did great stuff for characters already in andromeda (cora, SAM, alec ryder) and valente made me remember just why I love this universe so much and desperately want these aspects brought to andromeda too... and now I’ve exhausted all the fresh mass effect content I had available to me and will sit here consumed with lust for the rest of the time it takes for a new game to be announced thank you and goodbye  

[vrenaewrites]

HUSH HUSH by Becca Fitzpatrick thoughts: Prologue - Ch 11

Full video here.

We start right away with a bible verse which, if you’ve read any of my books, you know I’m a big fan of

We have a prologue from 1565 France…

The visual of a person perched on a gravestone and mistaking them for an angel statue at first is cool tbh

“Who are you?” “One of the devil’s brood”

The mind control parts of this I like, and I already have a feeling this is the gonna be the best part of this book

Except we don’t get another example of someone fighting it the way he is fighting it - nora doesn’t even realize it’s happening when it happens to her which isn’t as fun

The guy being maniped is a duke and the angel tells him no you’re half fallen angel so do what i tell you (nephilim)

This angel doesn’t have wings but a big cut in the shape of a V on his back

CHAPTER 1

The image of a barbie and ken taped to the chalkboard of the sex ed class is great

Her best friend’s name is V!

“Camera phones to take photos for the school E-zine”

Oh shit she’s a hoe

“V as in virgin” never mind

“It may not have occurred to you kids that sex is more than a 15 minute trip to the backseat of a car” lmaoooooooo

Is this book gonna be good? Did yall lie to me??

The school e-zine

V is a “few pounds over curvy” damn

V is my “untwin” i love that

“I’m all legs like a barstool”

The sex ed teacher is making them all sit by new people...in april…

She knows everyone except the transfer who of course is her new seat mate...this is a very convoluted way to get them to sit together

“It was a smile that spelled trouble with a promise”

“Human reproduction can be a sticky subject” LMAO

“Call me patch. I mean it. Call me.” and he winks

He takes pictures “of an ezine columnist who…” and describes a bunch of stuff about her and she’s like what the fuuuuuuck

And then he is like “you’re scared of what you can’t control”

He knows she plays the cello

She doesn’t wanna ask for another partner because she doesn’t wanna let him win and i’m like NORA CALL THE FUCKING COPS!!!!!!!!!! THIS GUY HAS BEEN STALKING YOU?!?!?!?

She has a cut on her wrist, her dad was murdered

At the end of class he gives her his number so she can get her answers - she no longer has it by chapter 18 but doesn’t remind the reader that she did have it written on her hand so we just think becca forgot nora already got his # for a bit

She’s a sophomore, he’s a senior

He has black eyes and wears all black because ofc

CHAPTER 2

They get a lot of fog and don’t have many neighbors

Mom is an auction coordinator so she’s not around a lot so there’s a german housekeeper that watches over her

But she leaves her alone at night...i already KNOW patch is gonna be “Watching over her” ala edward watching bella sleep i just KNOW

She’s thinking that patch seemed closed off but she liked what she had seen - aka his bod

“Smile that was part playful, part seductive” NOTHING about the interaction y’all had sounded seductive!!!!!! This is exactly like in crave when she’s getting horny that jaxon is yelling at her...like these men seem UNHINGED. Why is that sexy????

“Biology was my toughest subject, i teetered between an A and a B” i’m gonna punch you. I know you wanna go to ivy league so this matters but…

She calls patch!!!!

She asks if he wants to meet up to finish the assignment...you couldn’t...ask...over the phone??

“Nora” he says my name like it’s the punchline to a joke

He hangs up on her because he’s playing pool

She starts her assignment anyway: “jerk” “smokes cigars, will die of lung cancer, hopefully very soon” i laughed v hard tbh

“Excellent physical shape” and then crosses that out lmaooooooo

She flips a coin and it makes her decision: go to the arcade and confront patch

The cashier is pissed that she didn’t pay to get in so she sneaks by

“I was like a rolling snowball gaining speed and momentum” weird out of place metaphor but ok

Patch says she’s with him and the cashier lets her go

His black eyes are magnets clinging to her every move

She feels something different here, more animosity, more electricity...more horniness

“Queasy tap dance in my stomach”

Something about patch wasn’t right, something about him wasn’t normal, something about him wasn’t safe

“Biggest dream” “to kiss you” she doesn’t buy it so like good for her but still blech

Patch says he’s never been to school before and nora’s like you’re a liar

And he says he came because of her

He says “those cold pale grey eyes” are surprisingly irresistible

There are almost zero connections between what she’s saying and what he’s saying, as if he’s having a conversation with himself...it’s really hard to follow

“And that killer curvy mouth” ew

“You seem to know a lot about me,” i said, making the understatement of the year.

“Say provoke again, your mouth looks provocative when you do”

Her jaw twitches when she lies

He has a birthmark in the same place she has a scar...soulmate shit fer shure

She says after her dad died a strange presence felt like it was “orbiting her world, watching her from a distance” like...a guardian angel perhaps

She feels someone in the house with her and i’m calling it now: patch is “Watching over” her

CHAPTER 3

She’s trying to come up with reasons for patch not to be her partner anymore...he fucking ADMITTED TO TAKING PHOTOS OF YOU AND STUDYING YOU AND BASICALLY STALKING YOU. IF THE COACH WON’T LISTEN GO TO THE PRINCIPAL ABOUT THAT SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She’s anemic and has to take iron multiple times...a day??

“What qualities are you attracted to in a potential mate?” asks the teacher

She’s not ready so patch answers, “intelligent, attractive, vulnerable”

“How do you indicate if a female is interested?” and patch says, “if she’s biting her lip and playing with her hair the way nora is doing right now” lmao

“She’s game”

He puts his arm on the back of her chair and mouths “vulnerable” and while i would literally call the cops on a man for this, it was kind of hot in context

She tells coach she feels uncomfortable sitting by patch and he’s like, “not only are you gonna keep sitting by him i actually need you to tutor him.”

Fire this fucking guy IMMEDIATELY.

How lazy is this writing becca. How lazy. You couldn’t think of any other ways to make them spend more time together??

She and V go to the movies to write a review for the e-zine and v says: “can you imagine living your whole life without a clue that the only reason you’re being kept alive is to be used as a sacrifice?”

Do you smell that? The foreshadowing

V says patch’s dark side calls to her and nora is thinking, yeah no shit.

There was a dark magnetism, i felt lured to the edge of danger, at any moment it felt like he could push me over the edge.

Edge twice in the same sentence, crave’s editor has been in the game since 2009 apparently

V’s basically like nora you’re not attracted to anyone and nora’s like i haven’t found love and v’s like it’s about fun not love dumbdum

V says Patch would probably be “really good”

Nora says patch isn’t good for v and v says, “Careful, you’ll only make me want him more” and i’m like...i know this book came out when i was a freshman but somehow, becca fitzpatrick managed to put me from sophomore year in this book lmao

Marcy a cheerleader with “half a bottle of foundation on” and “¾ of an inch between her skirt and underwear, if she was wearing any” sits beside them

Yikes

She calls V supersize: YIKES

Marcy’s being a dick to V and V just goes, “you have food stuck in your teeth, chocolate ex-lax maybe?” i love this so much

Patch is at the library…

V’s like “i’m trying to read the title he’s checking out...how to be a stalker?” lmao i love V

V thinks patch is following nora but she’s kind of into it lmaoooo

Nora’s like he’s alluring but also fucking scary

She hits someone during a storm on the way home

He’s wearing a ski mask?!??!?!?!?

The car died oh my gooooooood

He’s tearing the door off??!?!?!!?

He punches through the window!!!!!!!!!

CHAPTER 4

She’s like totally freaking out but doesn’t wanna tell V that a dude almost tore the door off the car

She goes to V’s to avoid being alone

When she and v examine the damage...there is none…

She realizes the eyes behind the ski mask were black like patch’s eyes

She can’t remember hardly anything about the crash which is freaking her out

They meet some dudes called elliot and jules who is SIX FOOT TEN

They are probably other fallen angels that are after nora, and then elliott says he just transferred to their school from the prep school as of today, so yeah, this is what’s happening

Also...it’s fucking april. Who transfers schools in april

“You smell good” “it’s called a shower” lol

They’re having like an “are you following me” talk during the quiz

“I wanted my life to go back to the way it was before patch barged into my life”

I truly don’t know if it’s the delivery of the audiobook narrators that is making this issue SO GLARING to me but jfc

She confronts him after class to talk patch into asking to switch seats but he’s like “nah you’ve grown on me”

V really wants to sleuth around and read Patch’s file

CHAPTER 5

they go to the nurse’s office using nora’s iron pills as a distraction to get into the files in the front office

Nora needs to register her iron pills with the nurse...it is april...she has been taking pills out of her backpack all year...no one cared???

She says this is all because she thinks patch is stalking her - which no shit he admitted to taking pictures of you…

V called in a bomb threat from the pay phone outside!!!!!!! I’m fucking crying

Also if you guys don’t know what pay phones are, let me know

She’s trying to punch through the window in the door!!!!! V is the fucking greatest

IT WAS UNLOCKED ANYWAAAAAAY I’M SCREAMING

“As patch’s biology partner, i had a right to know”

The principal caught her but doesn’t suspect her

She meets back up with v at a mexican restaurant

The one patch works at!!!!!!

He asks her what she’s doing sunday night

“You’re getting cocky. I like that, angel” - bleck

“Not on a date, not alone” a hot thrill upon speculating what a night alone with patch would entail

Bitch!!!!!!! You just committed a crime to find out if this dude is STALKING YOU but you still wanna fuck him???????????

“Did you just call me angel? I don’t like it.” “it stays, angel” negging asshole

He brushes his thumb on her mouth and says “you’d look better without lipgloss” HARDIN SCOTT HAS ENTERED THE CHAT

“Interested? We’re talking about you, i’m fascinated.”

“You aren’t ready to know me”

I looked in your student file - BITCH. NORA. IF HE IS STALKING YOU. AND YOU FOUND OUT SOMETHING SERIOUS IN HIS FILE. THAT GIVES HIM SOOOOOO MUCH CAUSE TO LIKE...MURDER YOU?!

It’s totally empty. “I’m going to expose you” “i look forward to it”

“Why are you looking at me?” “because you’re nothing like what i expected” “neither are you, you’re worse”

CHAPTER 6

Elliott is in her gym class

The fog seemed to clog my lungs...fog and clog...don’t like it

Marcy miller… “that’s because you haven’t met anyone better, like me.” marcy twisted her hair around her finger. “You’ll hear all about me soon.”

He calls her gray, her last name, which is a trope i thoroughly enjoy

We describe marcy’s smile as toxic twice in 2 paragraphs

Elliott comes up behind her to help her with her batting stance

“Let me show you, like this, you feel that? Relax” EXCUSE ME

She hears her name in her mind said in someone else’s voice, it’s patch

“Batting lessons, nice touch” elliott is TOTALLY a rival angel guy

“I told myself i imagined the words because the alternative was considering that patch held the power to channel thoughts into my mind. Which couldn’t be. It just couldn’t.” this type of stuff makes me roll my eyes.

“Not yet” she hears in her mind, and ends up slamming it out of the park

She gets smashed in the head with the glove and ball, ouch

Elliott blows on her scraped kneeeeeeeee

“Had he talked directly to my thoughts? Was there some inexplicable link between us that allowed it happen? Or was i losing my mind?” meh

Elliott “i’m not gonna chase after an unavailable girl”

He invites her on a date

CHAPTER 7

There’s a convo with the housekeeper about “reinventing the sexy side” and not changing yourself for a boy…

V calls and is like “let’s go to the party on the coast”

Driving moccasins?

Damn V is like “you look like a boy, put some lipstick on”

And Nora isn’t wearing makeup because patch planted the idea in her mind - NEGGING!!!!!!!

The delphic coast sounds like a blast

The new ride is called the arcangel lmao

Patch is at the arcade omg

Jules looks as enthusiastic as three day old meatloaf - this is a very weird metaphor but i don’t mind it much?? It would have bothered me in crave but there haven’t been many in this book so far so it’s not like completely pulling me out of the moment

It’s a new day, and today, the name patch is really irking me. It sounds like a dog

V is STIRRING THE POT between Elliott and Patch god i love her soooo much

Elliott wants to talk to patch about leaving nora alone!!!!

V is a messy bitch who lives for dramaaaaaaaa

Nora goes to talk to patch so elliott won’t start shit

“He was tall and lean and hard and i was sure he had street fight scars under his clothes...not that i wanted to look under his clothes” LMAO

She asks what he’s playing and he says, “baseball, wanna stand behind me and give me a few pointers?” LMAOOOOO he hates elliott so muuuuch

Patch challenges her to a pool game, she punches his arm, he says “Careful they might think we’re flirting” this guy is MADDENING

“Part of me wanted to run away from him screaming fire, the other wanted to see how close i could get without...combusting” AHHHHHHH

He’s talking to her in her thoughts and then being like, “you know that sounds crazy don’t you?” GASLIGHT CENTRAL

“You scare me, and you’re not good for me” “i could change your mind”

“Meet me at the arcangel, i’ll be waiting”

CHAPTER 8

Nora goes to get cotton candy and sees the arcangel, and she goes

She gets the “cold heart-stopping feeling that someone is watching her” and spots a hooded figure

She runs into patch and he’s like “if you keep running away from me, you’re never gonna figure out what’s going on” and she’s been drinking dumb bitch juice so she’s like OHKAY.

Now she’s not scared of the arcangel because patch makes her feel safe...no he DOESN’T?!?!?!?!?

“If you ride without screaming, i’ll get coach to switch our seats” why do i feel like this is gonna be that scene in the movie fear where they hook up at the top of the ferris wheel

“I don’t scream, not for carnival rides.” not for you is her inner voice i assume and ommggggg

He sits in a car that shows demons ripping the wings off an angel, an angel sitting on a gravestone and watching children, then possessing a little girl

Okay foreshadowing

“Scared, angel?”

Our car flew demonically fast - we get it

Her seatbelt came undone and she fell out!!!!!!!

Oh wait...she didn’t? She ended up grabbing him and screaming??

CHAPTER 9

He offers her a drink from his soda can and she’s like “ooh my mouth where his mouth is”

Her phone is dead so she hitches a ride with patch...did he kill her phone with angel powers somehow??

V had left her!!!!?????

Ooh or did the boys kidnap her??

So she’s sure the mind-talking is real but not sure if the guy in the mask or the falling off the coaster is real…

Patch rides a motorcycle because ofc

He takes her home and then has her keys in his hand somehow

He is totally fucking with her, the key won’t turn if she uses it but he can get it to work

“Go ahead, i’m home alone” immediately i realized it wasn’t a smart thing to say

Self preservation has left the chat!!!!!!!! The same boy you thought was stalking you 3 days ago, you just told him you are home alone...dumb bitch juice

“Dorothea will be here soon. She’s old but strong, very strong” You would absolutely be the first to die in a horror movie, nora

He comes inside without her inviting him so he can make her tacos

He...knows where her kitchen is...fuck no

She is scared of him having a knife but also...goes over to him so he can show her how to make tacos…

So idk if most teens are so horny they’re literally willing to die for it, because i was on antidepressants when i was grace’s age and i had no desire to get busy...please let me know in the comments below if you ever went from scared of a dude to wanting to bone him at breakneck speed the way nora continually does in this book

“I’ll answer your questions if you make tacos”

This is a VERY horny scene where he stands right behind her and like whispers in her ear how to cut the tomato…

“Did you follow me to the library?” he smiles and she’s like OH FUCK I WANNA KISS HIM RIGHT NOW

NORA!!!!!!!!! FOCUS

“Scared?” “no” “maybe i’m just scared of -” “liking me?” “yes...wait no”

“I feel a scary attraction to you”

He lifted her onto the counter!!!!!

“You should go” “go here?” his mouth went to my shoulder “or here?” it moved up my neck AHHHHHHHHHHH

Her mom calls and she’s like “can i call you back?” her mom says “sure what’s wrong” and she HANGS UP LMAOOOOOOO

UMMMM THOUGHT HER PHONE WAS DEAD?!?!?!?

CHAPTER 10

V calls her and is like “i was looking for you all night” and nora is like “ummmm no you fucking left me???” and v’s like “DID Y’ALL KISS?!”

“I’ll pick you up at 4” “thought we were meeting at 5?” “circumstances have changed” lmao V for president tbh

We get a weird story about lionel dorothea’s godson daring nora to lick a broken piece of glass, “falling for patch would be like licking that shard”

This is the WEIRDEST analogy i think i have ever heard…

This is a first draft analogy for sure

She acknowledged that her phone had been dead so wtf happened

They go to victoria’s secret and she’s like “ooh sexy stuff ooh patch” wait i shouldn’t be thinking about dangerous patch

“I secretly enjoyed the attraction between us but the eeriness outweighed it” ma’am are you trying to lie to yourself or the reader because 1. It’s not a secret, 2. We (i) keep SCREAMING at you to have a shred of self-preservation but you threw it away for tacos

I’m going to flush patch out of my system like a detox diet, except last time i did that i binged” welp...i’m sure that’s not a sign…

Lmao V tries to take the clearance stickers off the clearance bras and puts them on the nice ones I LOVE HER SO MUCH

The hooded guy is watching her from outside…

But he’s gone before V sees him

V develops a diversion to get the hooded guy to follow her...but they can tell it’s actually a girl…

V gets hurt?!?!?!?!

CHAPTER 11

V is in the hospital with a BROKEN ARM THAT NEEDS SURGERY!!!!!

Patch is absent…

She goes to the new school psych...WHY ARE THERE SO MANY NEW PEOPLE COMING IN APRIL!!!!

She’s def also an angel

She brings up that nora is supposed to be tutoring patch and is like “all tutoring should be under adult supervision, and i don’t want you meeting alone” um...thank you for being reasonable because this dude is creepy but ALSO. Just...don’t have her tutor him…?

She goes to the computer lab in the library to look up reviews but then she’s like “i should google patch” but nothing

“No facebook, no myspace” OH MYSPACE!!!!!

She comes across a kinghorn prep article about a hanging, and finds out elliott was with the victim on the night of her death

Elliott is right behind her!!!!!

“Something cold flushed through me, like a blush, only opposite”

He’s like “Call your mom and tell her you’re taking too long at homework” and she’s like STRANGER DANGER

~~~

[tianamulan]

Rules: tag ten (i’m that person who isn’t going to tag because i’m tired and have lost touch with most of my followers so i’m sorry) followers you want to know better!

Tagged by:  @emeraldtower​ thank you!!

Star sign: Aquarius

Height: 167cm 5′6″

Put your iTunes/Spotify on shuffle. What are the first 4 songs that popped up?

leeway - we were evergreen

once in a lifetime - talking heads

i won’t let you down - ok go

a burning hill - mitski 

Grab the book nearest you and turn to page 23. What’s line 17?

basic witches by jaya saxena and jess zimmerman

page 23 is a title page! so line 17 in page 24 is “beauty arts are scoffed at precisely because they make women powerful.”

Ever had a poem or song written about you?

nope. 

When was the last time you played air guitar?

um tbh i have probably done it in the last 2-3 years at some sort of summer camp thing/working with kids, but i don’t have a specific memory.

Who is your celebrity crush?

honestly too many to count but off the top of my head, sandra oh, stephanie beatriz, mindy kaling, janelle monáe, amy adams, john boyega, lee pace, oscar isaac......

What’s a sound you hate + sound you love?

hate: i really struggle specifically with the sounds of a crowded bar or pub, i cannot focus on the person i’m talking too, even worse if i’m in a group. also cicadas. 

love: not to be That Person but... children laughing.

Do you believe in ghosts?

not particularly, in terms of like, supernatural apparitions from the afterlife, but i’m gonna be fake deep and say metaphorical ghosts for Sure.

How about aliens?

i believe that other celestial bodies to have what we would consider living things because the universe is BIG, but also creation of life on this planet was already just so improbable, that i honestly wouldn’t be surprised with we had the most diverse or “““advanced”““ living things in the universe. I think it’s very likely that there are multiple planets with single-celled organisms, or even things we’d categorise as plants. But I think that living things are very very very rare and fragile and life on our planet was very improbable. But also who knows lmao.

Do you drive?

nope, and i don’t plan to at least in the next 5 years, mostly because of anxiety (i think i would be a decent driver, but cars and mostly other drivers are very scary), but also learning to drive and then buying, using, and maintaining a car is very very expensive. Maybe once I settle in a country for longer than 3 years and start getting too annoyed at public transport. 

If so, have you ever crashed?

literally never been in any sort of car accident in my life even as a passenger and it is still one of my biggest fears LOL

What was the last book you read?

physically read, order of the pheonix; listened on audiobook, howl’s moving castle.

Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Used to as a kid, but not really anymore.

What was the last movie you saw?

to all the boys i’ve loved before? 

What’s the worst injury you ever had?

worst initial impact from injury would be just me staving my big toe by dropping a 20kg weight at this kids gym when i was 13 (yh thanks to anxiety i rarely get in situations to get seriously hurt); but worst injury in terms of like, everyday life, is that i did Something to my back 2 years ago on my way to go work in a summer camp, and it never got to heal because i had to carry a backpack with me literally at all times, 12-15 hours a day, 6 days a week, and I have had chronic pain in that area since. it really sucks. 

Do you have any obsessions right now?

weirdly, courgettes? 

Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

yeah for sure but also the way i hold the grudges is more like, living my best life knowing that i’m better off and that they don’t get to know me anymore, making it really hard for them to find out anything about me if they were to look me up. Keeping my current, better life private from those i never want anything to do with again is a half-healthy way of dealing with grudges haha.

In a relationship?

nope! not really interested right now either!

[surveysonfleek]

1003.

Have you ever talked to someone online, but when you saw each other in person, it was just super awkward? Have you ever made a really good friend online? eh, not really. everyone i’ve ever ‘met’ online have been a mutual friend so usually that friend just introduces us in person. there’s been awkward moments but nothing terrible.

Do you enter sweepstakes or scratch lottery tickets or anything like that? What’s the best thing you’ve ever won? i once won a meat tray during this raffle at a local bar hahaha. played the lotto once, didn’t win.

Right now, would you be upset if you got pregnant, or would you not mind? Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? i’d be incredibly scared and confused because i’m in no way shape or form ready to be a mother but i’d definitely keep it. yes, i’ve had scares before, mostly from paranoia.

Have you ever let someone be your everything? i sure have.

Do you have any weird inside jokes? i have many with my boyfriend and friends.

Could you go the rest of your life without a cigarette? i’d have to prepare for it, but probably. that’s what i’m aiming for.

Is there anybody you’re really disappointed in right now? me.

Do you have alcohol in your house? yes.

Have you ever wanted something you couldn’t have? of course. hasn’t everyone?

Are you a morning or night person? night.

What is your favorite color? turquoise.

It’s 4 in the morning, your phone rings, who is it? no idea. my boyfriend most likely.

Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend? yes.

Has someone ever called you at midnight on your birthday? yes.

Are any of your friends virgins? not that i know of tbh.

Do you prefer relationships or friends with benefits? relationships.

Has anyone got on your nerves today? no.

Has anyone told you they would never leave, and left? no.

Do you have a member of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? yes.

Did you kiss or hug anyone in the last 48 hours? yes.

Are you usually early or late? early or on time.

What’s annoying you? just life right now.

How is your boyfriend/girlfriend doing and where are they now? he’s good. he just went to sleep in his home.

Do you have anything to pay off? yes.

What are you wearing right now? pyjamas.

Do you know anyone that wants you dead? no.

Do you believe that regrets are lessons learned? yeah i guess.

Last person you talked to, and through what you talked to them? my boyfriend through imessage.

First color name you can think of that isn’t in the rainbow. purple.

What timekeeping devices are in the room you are currently in? phone, laptop, lamp.

What gaming consoles do you or your family own? xbox one.

What’s the best job you’ve ever had? probably the one i have now financially even though i hate it.

What’s the worst job you’ve ever had? ally for sure. so boring.

What email service do you use? gmail and hotmail.

Is there anything hanging on the walls of the room you are currently in? just a corkboard with different things i’ve collected over the years.

Earliest moment in your life you can remember? being at a zoo.

What did you have for dinner yesterday? vietnamese food.

How often do you brush your teeth? at least once a day.

What’s your favorite candy/chocolate? kit kat i think. or crispy m&ms.

Have you had other blogs on Tumblr? Do you have any other blogs currently? yeah i have a ‘main’ tumblr which i don’t use ever.

If you were suddenly really hungry, what would you choose to eat? if anything was accessible, probably sushi.

What fandoms would you consider yourself a part of? lol none.

What kind of position are you in at the moment? lying on my back in bed.

Do you wear much jewelry? a few bits and pieces.

Furthest away from home you have ever been? barcelona.

How many times have you moved houses? i’ve lived in three different homes. this one now since 1999.

Who was the last person you had a conversation with on the phone? work.

Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex? yes.

Has anyone said they love you in the last week? yes.

Who was the last person to comfort you as you cried? i forgot. probably myself.

Do your computer speakers work? yes.

Which friend are you most similar to? irene maybe. but kinda not.

Your ex calls wanting to hang out. What do you say? no.

Would you get back with your last ex if they asked you? no.

Have you kissed anyone whose name starts with a M? no.

Would you kiss the last person who texted you, on the lips? yes.

Camping with a ton of friends or hotel with a few friends? hotel for sure lol.

Have you ever kissed anyone who’s name starts with P, J, R, M, C, or D? yes.

Is there someone you wouldn’t mind kissing right now? i wouldn’t mind but he’s at home.

Do you think your ex will ever want to be with you again? no.

Where would you rather live: England or Australia? i already live in australia. i don’t think i’d live in england tbh.

What’s your relationship with the last person you texted? boyfriend.

When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? why do i have a pimple?

Do you fall for people easily? no.

Do you ever wonder what your ex is up to? no.

Have you ever kissed someone who was drunk? yes.

The nearest window to you now - what color curtains are on them? grey.

The shade of the color of your eyes can be described as: dark brown.

When was the last time you drank alcohol? over a week ago.

At what age did you stop believing in Santa? maybe 5.

Do you own a wok? yes.

Is there a particular type of music you really don’t like? yeah, not a fan of country.

Do you like going to weddings? yes!

What do you have on your toast? nutella.

Who was the last person you know who became pregnant? marie.

Beach, city, or mountains? i’d like to try have a getaway near mountains.

Do you have a stapler at your house? yes.

Would you rather read a book or listen to an audiobook? read.

Which is larger - your book or dvd collection? book.

What is the last spontaneous thing you did? idk.

You get a call at 2:00 a.m. - your first thought is: who the fuck?

What is your middle name? rather not say.

What are you passionate about? traveling.

Do you have any fears? losing loved ones, cockroaches, driving to places i’m not familiar with.

Where are you from? sydney.

What’s your sign? sagittarius.

Future names of your children: not sure yet!

What are you listening to right now? nothing.

Do you believe in fate/destiny? kinda.

What are your career goals? not entirely sure. looking to change my entire field right now.

Something you are working on right now: looking for a new job.

Have you ever had a near-death experience? no.

Are you a procrastinator or do you get things done early? i’m in between. i’ll do half straight away and the other half last minute.

TV shows and anime you watch regularly. i don’t watch anime. as for shows i’ve been watching atlanta, westworld, handmaid’s tale, rpdr and masterchef.

Halloween costume idea for this year? no idea.

Your best friend’s name. irene.

Do you prefer liquid, mousse, or powder foundation? Why? liquid. it just looks more seamless.

How much does your mother know about your sex life (or lack thereof)? nothing.

Do you enjoy watching cooking shows? yes.

Do you worry about gaining weight? yes.

Have you ever used fake tan? only once. not nice.

Do you ever look at someone cute, and automatically make a move? no.

How many times have you been to Walmart in the past week? i haven’t.

Do you live in a house, apartment, or another type of arrangement? house.

Are you kind of a loner? Do you like being alone? i like being alone but i���m not always a loner.

Are any of your siblings married? What are their spouses’ names? no.

Does your father have any creepy or scary friends you don’t like? no.

What color are the walls in the room you’re in right now? turquoise and grey.

Do you watch any shows that you know your parents wouldn’t approve of? no.

Do you have any siblings who still believe in Santa, and are over age ten? no.

What color were the last pair of headphones/earphones you bought? white and it came with my phone.

Are you attracted to the last person that you fell in love with? yes.

What did you do yesterday? went out for mother’s day.

Something you really want right now? sleep.

If you could seek revenge on someone, would you? no.

How long have you liked the person you like? many many years.

Does any part of your body hurt right now? no.

Can you recall the last time you liked someone? yes.

Are you happy with the way things are going? no.

Would you ever get a tattoo? no.

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? yes.

Who was the last person you talked to in person? my boyfriend.

What plans do you have for tomorrow? working.

Has a friendship ended recently that you wish had not? nope.

What happened at 9:00 a.m. today? nothing.

Where are your biological parents? sleeping.

Do you have any summer plans yet? no.

Do you tend to waste a lot of money? yes.

What did you last drink? water.

Do you have trust issues? no.

Do you think this year will be better than the last? eh, maybe. we’ll see at the end of the year.

What are you doing? this.

Are you a jealous person? no.

Do you think age matters in relationships? to an extent.

Who is the last person you rode in a car with? my boyfriend.

Did you sing at all today? nah.

Where will you be 2 hours from now? in bed.

Are there any stressful situations in your life? yes.

Are your lips chapped at the moment? they’re never chapped, i can’t stand the feeling of dry lips so i take chapstick everywhere with me.

[eldritchsurveys]

o67.

Have you ever talked to someone online, but when you saw each other in person, it was just super awkward? Have you ever made a really good friend online? >> Nah to the first question. But yes, at this point all my friends are people I’ve met online.

Do you enter sweepstakes or scratch lottery tickets or anything like that? What’s the best thing you’ve ever won? >> I’ve done scratch tickets, but usually because someone bought them for a group or something (like Hallie’s mom buying them for all of us way back when, or Sparrow’s mom doing the same thing at holiday dinners).

Right now, would you be upset if you got pregnant, or would you not mind? Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? >> I would definitely be upset if I was pregnant, because first of all, how did I even get that way... and second of all, I have zero desire to ever carry a child and I also have zero desire to have multiple abortions done, so... yeah. I have had a pregnancy scare, and it was founded, so.

Have you ever let someone be your everything? >> I don’t know, really. I don’t think I’ve ever thought of anyone by that exact terminology. It’s just not my attachment style, but it doesn’t mean I don’t still love people in my own way.

Do you have any weird inside jokes? >> All my best weird inside jokes are with Hallie, lmao. We’re just good at it. ;p

Could you go the rest of your life without a cigarette? >> Yeah.

Is there anybody you’re really disappointed in right now? >> Nope.

Do you have alcohol in your house? >> Yeah, there’s a wine in the fridge and I have a Backwoods Bastard and some Malört on my desk and we still have about half a bottle of Svedka mango-pineapple vodka left. Oh, and I still have a screwdriver in the fridge because I made it and then didn’t actually want it, lmao, so I just shoved it in there.

Have you ever wanted something you couldn’t have? >> Sure, a lot of things (mostly because I couldn’t afford them).

Are you a morning or night person? >> I don’t think my personhood is adequately described like that.

What is your favorite color? >> Gold.

It’s 4 in the morning, your phone rings, who is it? >> A wrong number, I’d presume.

Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend? >> ---

Has someone ever called you at midnight on your birthday? >> I don’t think so, but I’ve probably gotten midnight texts.

Are any of your friends virgins? >> Not that I’m aware of.

Do you prefer relationships or friends with benefits? >> I mean, either is fine in general, but what I have right now are relationships and I’m happy enough with those.

Has anyone got on your nerves today? >> Nope. Just that one neighbour who keeps playing their music with the bass cranked up to 11 so that I can feel it vibrating through the building and my SKULL. It’s so distracting and overwhelming.

Has anyone told you they would never leave, and left? >> Probably, but I don’t hold that against anyone.

Do you have a member of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? >> I don’t think I could possibly tell anyone everything, like, I know I take this question too literally but I can’t really imagine how else I’m supposed to take it.

Did you kiss or hug anyone in the last 48 hours? >> Can Calah, and Hallie through text.

Are you usually early or late? >> I mean, to what...?

What’s annoying you? >> Nothing.

How is your boyfriend/girlfriend doing and where are they now? >> Hallie is hopefully doing okay, he’s offline right now I think, doing some self-care I hope. <3 Sparrow is all right and she’s in bed. Can Calah is as he always is, being my copilot.

Do you have anything to pay off? >> No.

What are you wearing right now? >> Green and white harem pants and a grey Rush shirt.

Do you know anyone that wants you dead? >> I don’t think so.

Do you believe that regrets are lessons learned? >> I personally prefer to take that philosophy in general, but I understand it doesn’t necessarily apply to everyone. I also don’t usually regret things -- I can’t even think of anything I really regret right now -- so it’s probably easier in my case.

Last person you talked to, and through what you talked to them? >> Sparrow, in person, before she went to bed.

First color name you can think of that isn’t in the rainbow. >> Grey.

What timekeeping devices are in the room you are currently in? >> Normandy, my laptop; Senketsu, my phone; and a PSP Vita.

What gaming consoles do you or your family own? >> We have an Xbox 360, a PS4, a PS2, and the aforementioned PSP Vita.

What’s the best job you’ve ever had? >> Selling merch for local bands.

What’s the worst job you’ve ever had? >> Working in a family restaurant as a teenager.

What email service do you use? >> Gmail.

Is there anything hanging on the walls of the room you are currently in? >> Yeah, an Odin print and a poster from the Rebirth Brass Band show I went to last month.

Earliest moment in your life you can remember? >> Sitting on the kitchen floor at a dog breeder’s house.

What did you have for dinner yesterday? >> Was last night when we had the Burger King...? I think so. Time is fake, leave me alone.

How often do you brush your teeth? >> Once a day.

What’s your favorite candy/chocolate? >> Dark chocolate with sea salt and chili peppers (pop rocks optional).

Have you had other blogs on Tumblr? Do you have any other blogs currently? >> Yeah, my main blog is foundcarcosa and I have a few other sideblogs, and my RP blogs that I keep neglecting.

If you were suddenly really hungry, what would you choose to eat? >> Right now? Whatever I could grab, I guess...

What fandoms would you consider yourself a part of? >> Oh man.... so many, tbh.

What kind of position are you in at the moment? >> A seated one.

Do you wear much jewelry? >> Not much, because I can’t afford the kind I’d like to wear (I like costume jewellery but it’s fragile and makes my skin wig out sometimes, so I prefer not to wear it no matter how cool it looks).

Furthest away from home you have ever been? >> The farthest distance I’ve travelled in general is probably to/from NYC/Colorado.

How many times have you moved houses? >> Enough times that counting is just not something I feel like doing right now.

Who was the last person you had a conversation with on the phone? >> Some woman from a place around here. I was really hoping there wouldn’t have to be a phone call, I just wanted one little piece of information, but urgh.

Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex? >> ---

Has anyone said they love you in the last week? >> Yes, all my SOs. ~

Who was the last person to comfort you as you cried? >> Can Calah.

Do your computer speakers work? >> Yeah.

Which friend are you most similar to? >> ---

Your ex calls wanting to hang out. What do you say? >> What ex? The only ex I’m even still friends with is Anubis, and I think he has my number but I don’t see why he’d be calling me -- like, we don’t even live in the same state anymore.

Would you get back with your last ex if they asked you? >> That’s... Phoenix, I guess? And no, forget it. He had his chances.

Have you kissed anyone whose name starts with a M? >> I seem to remember a Matthew. Long, long time ago.

Would you kiss the last person who texted you, on the lips? >> The last person that texted me was Sparrow, so sure.

Camping with a ton of friends or hotel with a few friends? >> Either is fine.

Have you ever kissed anyone who’s name starts with P, J, R, M, C, or D? >> Yes to all.

Is there someone you wouldn’t mind kissing right now? >> Sure.

Do you think your ex will ever want to be with you again? >> There was only one ex who even still mattered enough for this question, and he’s not an ex anymore now, so!!!

Where would you rather live: England or Australia? >> England, I guess.

What’s your relationship with the last person you texted? >> Sparrow is my fiancée.

When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? >> I don’t remember, probably something hygiene-related.

Do you fall for people easily? >> I don’t think so, no.

Do you ever wonder what your ex is up to? >> I mean, I guess in a passing sense, maybe sometimes? Like if they come up in a survey or something I’m obviously going to think about them in passing.

Have you ever kissed someone who was drunk? >> Sure.

The nearest window to you now - what color curtains are on them? >> No curtains, just some busted-up blinds. :|

The shade of the color of your eyes can be described as: >> Dark brown.

When was the last time you drank alcohol? >> Earlier today, I had a beer at the Wayland house.

At what age did you stop believing in Santa? >> I never did.

Do you own a wok? >> No.

Is there a particular type of music you really don’t like? >> I’m not crazy about bluegrass, but I keep an open mind.

Do you like going to weddings? >> I don’t know, I’ve never been to an actual one.

What do you have on your toast? >> I haven’t had toast in ages, but I usually put ghee and cinnamon on it. Sometimes jelly, too.

Who was the last person you know who became pregnant? >> *shrug*

Beach, city, or mountains? >> Yes.

Do you have a stapler at your house? >> No.

Would you rather read a book or listen to an audiobook? >> Read, I can’t focus on audiobooks at all.

Which is larger - your book or dvd collection? >> I don’t have a DVD collection, I literally own ONE DVD, so books win by default.

What is the last spontaneous thing you did? >> I don’t remember.

You get a call at 2:00 a.m. - your first thought is: >> My first thought is supreme annoyance.

What is your middle name? >> Frey.

What are you passionate about? >> Storytelling, my special interests, music.

Do you have any fears? >> Yeah, I developed a kind of delusion-based thanatophobia that I guess I deserve considering all the tripping I’ve done, but I really wish I didn’t have it. I was so much better off without it.

Where are you from? >> I don’t know, space?

What’s your sign? >> Gemini Sun.

Future names of your children: >> ---

What are you listening to right now? >> Nothing.

Do you believe in fate/destiny? >> I suppose I do, but I also try not to put all my eggs in that basket because adhering too strongly to one belief regarding existential matters tends to tip me into delusion more than anything else.

What are your career goals? >> ---

Something you are working on right now: >> Being a ‘good’ (helpful, kind) SO, managing the anxiety from the thanatophobia stuff, watching all my shows on Netflix lol.

Have you ever had a near-death experience? >> Yeah.

Are you a procrastinator or do you get things done early? >> I tend to procrastinate, but sometimes my executive function pulls through.

TV shows and anime you watch regularly. >> Grey’s Anatomy, Preacher, Vikings, some other stuff more intermittently.

Halloween costume idea for this year? >> ---

Your best friend’s name? >> ---

Do you prefer liquid, mousse, or powder foundation? Why? >> I don’t wear it.

How much does your mother know about your sex life (or lack thereof)? >> Nothing. She doesn’t know me, period.

Do you enjoy watching cooking shows? >> Sure.

Do you worry about gaining weight? >> No.

Have you ever used fake tan? >> No.

Do you ever look at someone cute, and automatically make a move? >> No.

How many times have you been to Walmart in the past week? >> None.

Do you live in a house, apartment, or another type of arrangement? >> Apartment.

Are you kind of a loner? Do you like being alone? >> I don’t think I’m a loner, per se. I like being around people and I like to socialise. I just have low social energy in comparison to other people, so I need more recharges.

Are any of your siblings married? What are their spouses’ names? >> I don’t know.

Does your father have any creepy or scary friends you don’t like? >> No.

What color are the walls in the room you’re in right now? >> Off-white.

Do you watch any shows that you know your parents wouldn’t approve of? >> I mean, I’m 31 years old, I probably do a lot of things my parent disapproves of by now.

Do you have any siblings who still believe in Santa, and are over age ten? >> No.

What color were the last pair of headphones/earphones you bought? >> Navy blue.

Are you attracted to the last person that you fell in love with? >> Yes.

Something you really want right now? >> This survey to be over, ngl, I want to go do something else now lol.

If you could seek revenge on someone, would you? >> No.

How long have you liked the person you like? >> I don’t feel like doing time-math right now, forgive me. It’s late and I drank my sleepytime tea already, lol.

Does any part of your body hurt right now? >> No.

Can you recall the last time you liked someone? >> Yes? Now?

Are you happy with the way things are going? >> More or less.

Would you ever get a tattoo? >> Sure.

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? >> Relationships, yes.

Who was the last person you talked to in person? >> Sparrow.

What plans do you have for tomorrow? >> Nothing unusual, just... same stuff I do every day, I imagine.

Has a friendship ended recently that you wish had not? >> No.

What happened at 9:00 a.m. today? >> I think I was still in bed.

Where are your biological parents? >> My father’s in Elizabeth, New Jersey, and who the fuck knows where my mother is.

Do you have any summer plans yet? >> It is summer. No special summer-related plans.

Do you tend to waste a lot of money? >> I don’t think so, but maybe someone else would think so.

What did you last drink? >> Sleepytime tea.

Do you have trust issues? >> I don’t think so.

Do you think this year will be better than the last? >> It’s been good so far.

What are you doing? >> This.

Are you a jealous person? >> No.

Do you think age matters in relationships? >> Sure, in some cases.

Who is the last person you rode in a car with? >> Sparrow.

Did you sing at all today? >> Nope.

Where will you be 2 hours from now? >> In bed, hopefully asleep.

Are your lips chapped at the moment? >> A little dry, is all.

[idealisticrealism]

Blindspot 3x03 recap

(Aka the Patterson and Rich show lol)

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I LOVED this episode. Cute Jeller, supportive team, and of course, PATTERSON AND RICH BEING KICKASS BESTIES. Can the whole season be just like this ep bc good lord it is totally up there with my fave eps of this show ever and ugh I just loved it so much guys

Which in a way is kind of a bad thing because it means this review is gonna take me like 6 hours on account of all the screaming, but ah well. Worth it. 

And to the lovely Anon-- I may very possibly struggle to do these from now on due to my travelling, but I’ll try my best to keep them happening if I can. Thankfully none of the other people in my hostel dorm here in Madrid have minded my hectic late-night typing for the last couple of hours lol...

Anyhow, more gushing below the cut.

Ugh look at this. Our babies are dressed all fancy and having drinks and it’s kinda reminiscent of 1x09 except this time instead of just alluding to their interest in each other, Weller is BLATANTLY HITTING ON JANE, his WIFE, who he is MARRIED TO, and ugh it’s simultaneously delightful and almost nauseating haha. Zapata and Reade definitely agree with the nauseating part, because they’re stuck in the surveillance van being forced to listen to every word. Oh, kids. As the child of two people that love to make jokes about their sex life just to gross me out, I totally understand your pain right now. Lbr tho they probably kind of missed this. And lol I love that Jane giggles and apologises while shooting heart-eyes at Weller. You two are the worst. I actually didn’t expect this scene so early but I’m totally into it. And so Jeller keep an eye on the suspect and his daughter/wife, while Tasha works her hacking skills and hacks his computer. Also awww her cousin asked for Patterson’s autograph, that is so cute and I now love her cousin. I love that Patterson is now super rich and kinda a celeb lol. Hahaha I love that Jane delays the guy by telling him she loves his charity work and then literally like 10 secs later the team is into his files and Weller is arresting him. That would have had to feel kinda like an abrupt turnabout lol

Aww Zapata is checking in on Patterson and making sure she’s okay D: I love these ladies supporting each other. But in what sounds like depressing deja vu of both of the previous seasons, Patterson insists she’s fine to be there. Also her puzzle solving skills clearly haven’t suffered-- she figured out that random specks on Jane’s back could be translated onto a grid and brought together to form words? Dude. Tbh I like that the show gives us a brief explanation of how things were cracked without putting any pressure on us viewers-- we get to just smile and nod and be like ‘yep, sounds legit’ and then move on haha. Now Aunty Hirst has rocked up to hear the deets, considering their suspect is a big fish. And basically there’s some evidence that he caused a train to derail which was previously called in as an anonymous tip, and which made him super rich due to something to do with stocks. Can you tell I have very little understanding of the stock market lol, which tbh is kinda unfortunate considering my father keeps wanting me to invest haha.

Oooh Patterson goes to Reade bc she’s been investigating Stuart’s murder on her own despite there already being a team on it, and she tells him that Stuart had a Siri/google home/Alexa equivalent thing and that she thinks the thing recorded his murder, since they’re sneakily recording everything. Makes you worry about Siri and Alexa, doesn’t it… Anyway she wants Reade to go demand the recording from the company before it’s deleted within 72hrs. Go Reade go! Meanwhile Patterson goes to talk to their suspect’s lawyer, and walks in to find her playing Wizardville. I love that she knows exactly which part she’s at just by hearing the sound effects. Ugh you giant nerd I love you so much. When Jeller show up a minute later (maybe held up in the locker room because of… activities…) lawyer lady insists that the emails are planted by a hacker group who is targeting her client. Lol “Mr Lowie can afford better specialists than the FBI has. No offense”/”Offense taken”. Damn right, Patterson, none of those specialists could hold a candle to you. But uh oh, the lawyer mentioned the hacker group-- the three blind mice-- and Patterson suddenly got all shifty. What do you know that you’re not telling, honey???  Also the lawyer lady is threatening them with a very large lawsuit which is bound to make all of this a little awkward….

RIIIICHHH. God I will never get over the delight of seeing him appear in an episode. Patterson visits him in his office, which is literally just a room for cleaning supplies, and she turns on a radio jammer which has him spitting coffee (if that is coffee) out of his ‘best daddy ever’ mug. So either he stole the mug from Weller or someone, or it’s alluding to a weird sex thing. You never know with Rich. (Yes you do; it’s usually the weird sex thing). Ugh and when she demands to know if he hacked into the suspect’s server he’s all “What?? No?? Who??” and god I just love his FACE. Ennis how do you do this??? God. And then ugh he promises her he’s not lying and ugh I believe it. And then she tells him the tatt points to the 3BM and that the FBI are gonna try to track them down and ugh you can see the ‘oh shit’ on his face. I just love the way these two interact, like they’re legit real friends?? Ugh my babies. I adore Jeller and all, but tbh this is my favourite duo on the show rn. And now Weller wants to see them both and they’re both like ‘oh shit’ lol. And then lol he totally ignores ‘ladies first’ and calls Weller mademoiselle and you can hear that he’s nervous and aaahhhh his joke about the 3 blind mice from the nursery rhyme and then insisting he’s a crime fighter now and I just love him so muuuchhhh and this whole time he and Patterson are both half shitting themselves and ugh I feel like he’s using his ridiculousness to keep attention on him and not Patterson bc she doesn’t like lying to her team and ughhhh they’re such broooos. And Hirst appears to tell them all that they need to catch the 3BM asap because the emails were planted and their dude might sue, and to which Rich suggests a simple ‘I was wrong’ to patch things up lollll. And then Hirst has a picture of the 3BM and Patterson and Rich are all !!!!!!!!! and then it turns out it’s a person in a mouse mask and they’re so relieved lol. Also dude after Patterson, i love Rich’s dynamic with Jane the most. She’s basically like his long-suffering mom hahaha. Back in the closet, Patterson’s freaking out and wants to come clean but he’s all ‘how about no’ lol. Also he says that they dropped out because ‘someone thought it was getting too dangerous’ and he points to her but then jabs his thumb toward himself as he’s speaking and now I’m confused?? Which one wanted to bail?? (Probably Patterson lbr). Ughhhh by the sound of it they were such little Robin Hoods, and ugh I NEED the spinoff about this whole partnership over the last 2 years ughhhhhhh. And hahaha omg “so we make it a little harder for them, if you catch my drift”/”by obstructing justice??”/”drift caught.” UGHHHHH GIVE ME THE SPINOFF. GIVE IT TO ME. I will sell my soul for this I stg.

Meanwhile awww Reade is honouring Patterson’s request and talking to a representative from the kinga company about the recordings, and when she tries to deny it he and Zapata totally roll their eyes at each other haha. These bros. And then she’s texting his gf which feels a little weird, and also she says they hung out ‘last weekend’ but uh wasn’t stuart’s murder less than 72hr ago, and so all the events of last ep including Zapata meeting the gf happened then as well (that did happen in 3x02 right?)? Maybe that was friday and this is monday and she meant to say ‘on the weekend’?  Also “You better put a ring on that before I do” LOL I love it. I’m sure it’s just a joking comment but dude could Zapata be bi? Because I would totally be down for that. I like Zapata being friends with Reade’s gf and encouraging them as a couple, since I want Reade and Zapata to remain just bros. I seriously miss Reade/Sarah though. Lbr I’m still totally bitter about that one, Gero.

Patterson found the person in the mouse mask by creating a ‘biometric map’ of the person from the video and using ‘gait recognition’?? Mmmmmkay, sure, I’ll roll with it. Nice little mention of Patterson’s NSA access, though. The woman they find has a bunch of dating profiles and works for Nerd Herd (awww a Chuck reference, I’m so happy) which makes Rich pity her, but uh dude don’t you know she was Miss United States?? And she’s besties with Sandra Bullock, so she’s doing just fine. And ugh when Rich says that they tracked her location, Jane actually praises him and ughhhh look at that parental approval he’s getting, I’m so happy for him. And then haha Hirst wants both Patterson and Rich in on the interrogation and ugh you can just see my poor Patterson getting more and more tightly wound lol can someone just give her a hug before she explodes? Preferably Rich giving her a slightly stilted but genuinely sincere hug. I want it. Nope, need it. Also looks like Jeller now have nothing on their schedule…. time for another locker room rendezvous perhaps?

Lollll their suspect has said like two lines and all I hear is Miss Rhode Island… also she looks so cute in her lil Nerd Herd outfit. I wonder if she ever met Chuck? I mean she’s based on the other side of the country, but still… what if she trained under him over in Burbank before moving to NYC? Anyhow she gushes about how famous the 3BM are and both Rich and Patterson are looking SO UNCOMFORTABLE in their own ways and I’m loving it. Also ugh Hirst’s soft southern accent is so soothing. Could she narrate audiobooks or something bc I would legit buy all of them. Although rn she’s describing bad stuff that the 3BM did and that doesn’t feel right, but then Kathy decides the jig is up and explains how each of those things was actually them helping people/semi-saving the world. Also man this actress is amazing in how she can sound simultaneously kinda deranged but also kinda sweet?? I just want to protect her and her adorable lil face haha. Lol at Rich and Patterson exchanging looks across the room the whole time she’s talking. Subtle, guys. And Rich’s face when she says that the three of them are still best friends?? Maybe he’s starting to think Patterson was right to have made them both cut ties with this wacko. But duuuude why are you so vain, you literally just let her goad you into revealing yourself as one of her former partners. But still, “Oh so by ‘pretty close’, do you mean 100% correct, or?” ughhhh I love the sass. And then  Kathy mentions people being in danger and it draws Patterson over, putting all three of the blind mice at the same table for the first time in a year.... And also ever, when you think about it. Also turns out that the wealthy guy might be planning to blow something up to earn money from stocks like he did last time or something, which prompts Patterson to admit to Rich that she has backdoor access into every phone that downloaded her app. Firstly, wow, glad that power is in the hands of one of the good guys. Secondly, that’s a huge show of trust to tell him that, knowing that he could then steal her phone or something and use the access for his own gain. Ugh these bros!! Lol I do love that he gets carried away with thoughts of Hirst’s browser history tho haha. But anyhow by hacking the lawyer’s phone she figured out where the attack was planned to happen, and aawwwww Rich immediately wants to head to tell the team and Patterson is the one holding back. Also LOL: “Hey Gary.” “His name’s Gary? I’ve been calling him Rick…” ugh how is his every line just SO GOOD? I love the thought that he talks to their coworkers as well, probably talks the ear off of anyone who happens to come near him lol. Ugh my baby just wants to be loveddddd. I love the bickering-siblings thing they’ve got going on though, and “Well now who’s obstructing justice??” ahhahaha. Seriously who do I have to bribe to get the show with just these two? And then when she suddenly decides that they need to come clean, he’s all ‘woah no no, gross’ lollll. And then he has a little lightbulb moment about how to solve their problem-- a ridiculous and very conveniently timed anonymous tip lol. Well, tbh the team never really cares HOW Patterson managed to get their intel, only that she gives them stuff they can use/excuses to go beat people up. Aww but Weller trusts his lil team and acts immediately on their intel, prepared to take the fall for it if it turns out to be a dud. He’s very martyr-ish lately, I feel-- but I guess maybe he just feels invincible now that his wifey is back in his lifey?

Turns out the ‘tip’ is legit, and Jeller find our baddies, proceeding to beat the hell out of them in true Jeller fashion. There’s also a bomb, because of course there is, and Rich makes a suggestion only to be smacked down by Patterson and is properly apologetic haha. Jane then actually takes his advice, using the sped-up clock to convince the baddie to disarm the bomb, then takes him out and shoots the guy grappling with Weller by firing through a bottle of oil or something. Nice. She really is a woman of endless talents, a fact that Weller very much benefits from, both in the field and… elsewhere haha. Also Sully’s accent has dropped at least twice in this ep already, someone must be tired lol. Anyway back at the office, Aunty Hirst drops by to tell them all how proud she is. Also I want to marry the way she says ‘Lowie’. It’s just so damn cute. She then tells everyone to go home, and Rich and Patterson have a quiet little celebratory fist-bump (which they have clearly done before AAAHHHHHHH) over the 3BM investigation appearing to be closed. God they’re the cutest.

Oh yeah, forgot about Reade and Zapata for a minute there, too distracted by the other show-stealing partnership haha. They’re putting heavy pressure on the boss lady at Kinga, and I love that she calls him ‘sir’ and that he’s so firm and authoritative with her. This seems more like a true AD of the FBI! And you know Zapata’s pretty impressed too haha.  Well done, Reade.

Loll Patterson and Rich meeting in a deserted parking lot and Rich stepping in a puddle and then both of them realising that neither of them actually sent the message that they received. Tbh I just love that each of them got a message from the other telling them to come to a random parking lot in the middle of the night and they both came?? Without question?? Ugghhhhhhh have I mentioned lately that I love them. Also what’s Rich’s sitch at the safe house? Does he have a team watching him that he had to evade to get here, or? And lol she calls him dumbwad and everything is so cute and fun and then RICH GETS SHOT IN THE CHEST. Ngl, I gasped far louder in this moment than I even knew I was capable of. There was a split second of sheer, unadulterated panic before I remembered he’s going to be returning for multiple eps throughout the season and therefore has to be okay. But good lord that one second was an awful experience. I swear to god, if they do ever kill Rich then I’m out. I will walk away from this show, Gero, don’t think I won’t! And ugh the shock and horror on Patterson’s face-- for all he drives her crazy, he’s literally one of her best friends, and she’s already lost enough people around her. And then Kathy appears and even though she assures them (and us) that they’re just beanbag rounds, it’s still freaky as hell to see her shooting them both with a shotgun at point-blank range. My poor babies… Aaaand then they wake in a Saw-esque setting and ugh he pokes her so gently to wake her and they’re so cute when they’re kidnapped. Sounds like it’s a semi-regular occurrence for Rich, whose main concern is that he doesn’t get to be kidnapped anywhere fun lol. Aw, is someone using humour to make their friend feel less scared?  “And not the good kind of dungeon” haha. And then he goes for the door and she tries to stop him but too late, he gets zapped by a shock collar and lol my poor baby. “Oh my god, she’s gonna make us play the hunger games, isn’t she??” Which tbh would be pretty interesting between these two. I’m tempted to bet on Patterson as the winner, but then again, the first time we met Rich he did shoot a guy in the chest and was going to have Jeller killed as well, so tbh I think he shouldn’t be underestimated. But ugh it’s so cute that Patterson is desperately trying to get his collar off rather than her own, and then suddenly heeeeeeeere’s Kathy! Who is holding the collar remote threateningly in one hand while sweetly offering them snacks at the same time lol. Sh figured out it was them because of Rich showing off in interrogation and Patterson saying ‘opposite, opposite’ which I did think was a bit of a weird phrase to use lol. And ahhh Patterson calls him Rich and Kathy suddenly goes into Rich DotCom fangirl mode, and tbh I feel you on that one, sister. I would react the same. But now she’s ranting about them being brainwashed by the feds (lol at Rich telling Patterson that she did just sound like weller, awwww) and that she’s ‘saving’ them haha. Then suddenly she whips out a to-do list of hack-tivities, but instead of Robin Hood stuff, it’s more Sherriff of Nottingham stuff this time. Their arguments don’t work, which means it’s hack or zap….

Weller texts Patterson about dinner; everyone’s gathered at his and Jane’s place having drinks and hanging out and ugh they’re all so cute. And Jeller are so casually touchy and he calls her ‘my love’ and I’m seriously caught between finding that corny and super cute. Maybe both. Zapata’s playing Wizardville, which apparently Jane does too, and then they realise Reade must as well and lol Zapata’s innocent little ‘Reade?’ is so CUTE. Weller’s all “You too??” and yeppp, Sully has apparently forgotten what an American accent is haha. Oh well. I love that he goes and snuggles with Jane on the couch (aaawwwww) as they watch Zapata and Reade bicker like it’s a spectator sport hahaha. I love the sassiness omg.

Meanwhile Rich is perfecting his mime-in-a-box routine as he tries to figure out any gaps in their electric prison, and tbh that’s actually pretty brave? He probably got zapped at least a few times doing that. Patterson is trying to figure out how to get word back to the team, but Rich tells her that the only way they’ll get out of this is to go along with Kathy’s plan, because he has ‘a lot of experience with psychotic women who desire him sexually’ and lol at the disgust and annoyance on Patterson’s face and her “What is your point.” Yep, those are siblings right there.

The team are still being cute when Weller gets an email from Patterson saying she’s having dinner with Rich instead, but Zapata notices that it’s signed with her first name, WHICH NONE OF THEM ACTUALLY MENTION. TELL US THE DAMN NAME, YOU JERKS. So I guess that means that Patterson sneakily sent an email when Kathy wasn’t looking? I think that’s what they’re getting at, rather than Kathy covering her tracks by sending that to Weller so he won’t be concerned when Patterson doesn’t show up for dinner. I feel like Patterson totally has the skills to pull that off right under someone’s nose...

Back in the dungeon, the dynamic duo have picked some of the less harmful hacks to start with, including revealing some politician guy as a sex fiend (no surprises there), and Kathy gushes that watching them hack is like watching Picasso paint the Mona Lisa and lolll you can see Rich’s eyes narrow and he really wants to correct her but Patterson is already telling her to let them go, but nope Kathy wants them to crash Lowie’s private jet now, and wow she really seems to have it in for this guy. Also is it even possible to remotely crash a plane? But ohhhhhh crap, Kathy’s brother died in the train crash that Lowie caused. Well, that explains that. She tried to hand them the evidence to put him away, but now she’s taking matters into her own (or the 3 Blind Mice’s) hands. And Rich kinda seems to side with her a little bit after this revelation, causing Patterson to shoot him a look of betrayal and Kathy to beam at him. Oh man I really hope this is a ploy. Ugh Patterson is basically pleading with him not to help Kathy, to stay on their team, the good guy team, and then Kathy zaps her and ugh he’s immediately on his feet but knows he can’t do anything. He has to roll with this if he’s to save either of them and ugh I love himmmmm???

The team is at the office, trying to track down their missing buddies. Again Zapata is the one to see the clue-- the IP address the email came from is in antarctica, just like Kathy’s earlier hacks. They discover Kathy got out on bail, and then that both Patterson and Rich’s cars were found in Brooklyn. I love that they all practically run for the exit. I wonder if they’re remembering the last time Patterson was kidnapped, aka the only unlikable episode of season one?? Better hurry team, go save them! And lol conveniently they find out every place she’s ever worked and one of those happens to be an old zoo, and therefore a nice private place to keep prisoners. How lucky for them….

Poor Patterson is bound and gagged and tries to cry “Rich, no!” as he successfully hacks the jet and sets it on its collision course with the ocean.  Or its fake collision course, I hope. And ugh then he and Kathy are dining together and okay why does she respond ‘kinda’ when he asks if it’s foie gras? Is she pulling a Hannibal Lecter rn??? Also I love the little red glow of the collar through his napkin lol. And then there’s a perimeter breach and Kathy is starting to freak out and so checks on the plane, only to see that it landed safely and Patterson looks at Rich in shock and HE WINKS AT HER. Look at my baby all grown up and fighting on the side of good with his lil FBI family who he lovessssss. Ughhh save me. And then omg she flips out and literally smashes the wine bottle over his head and I gasped super loud again bc do you know how hard those things are???? Ugh both Patterson and I are so worried for our bestie Rich, but meanwhile Kathy hacks the team’s car and tries to crash them?? I love their super synchronized dives out of the car lol. And then omg she literally sets everything on fire while crying over their ruined friendship hahahaha. Tbh I’d be pretty devastated if Patterson and Rich didn’t want to be friends with me too lol…. And then omgggg she is literally about to shoot Rich and Patterson tackles her, saving his life and causing herself to be electrocuted. THAT IS FAMILY RIGHT THERE. I hope Rich someday acknowledges what she did for him just then, bc ugh it was everythinggggg. Thankfully the team is there and Reade is clever enough to order Jane to find a fusebox. I love the tasks each of the team takes-- Jane cuts the power, saving Patterson, Reade arrests Kathy, Weller helps Patterson up and is checking her over all concerned, and Zapata FLICKS RICH until he comes around hahahaha. “He’s fine” lol. I love that she’s all blase about it but they would have been genuinely upset if he was seriously injured. Pretend all you like, I know you care!!

Back at base, the rest of the team calls Rich and Patterson into the conference room to tell them that Hirst wants the other mice caught, but Kathy is refusing to give up names (‘she’s a mouse, not a rat’ hahahaha), and when Reade asks why she kidnapped them, Patterson answers that she was a huge Rich DotCom fangirl, which is technically a true statement. Rich says he didn’t know that was even a thing, which is a completely untrue statement haha. And then Reade says how lucky it is that there’s no evidence whatsoever to point to who the other two are because if he knew who they were he would have to prosecute them and ugh the team has clearly agreed that this is a ‘what happens in the team stays in the team’ situation and then even literally discuss how these tattoos are about them as a group, that Roman wants to expose their secrets specifically. But they have no idea why. (Punishing Jane, no?)

Naw look at this domestic Jeller. Jane is cooking her implausible vegan lasagne, and then Kurt tells her he loves her like ten times, which is super cute but still in an Australian accent!! Sully, c��mon, lol. But ugh he runs to the shower and wants her to join and lord I do love me some established relationship… but then of course lil bro has to call and cockblock, and ugh poor Jane is so upset about how things are between them but he’s all ‘grrrrrr must punish you for making me sad grrrrrrr’ and sigh I look forward to a little bit of character growth on his part lol

Oooh Patterson calls Reade and Zapata in to the lab to listen to the Kinga recording that they got, and finds out that it's been doctored, meaning someone is hiding something. And also, through magical genius means, she figured out the tattoo that Stuart was working on relates to Van Gogh’s famous self portrait. Which is super confusing until the next scene where an ominous man threatens the Kinga CEO never to talk about doctoring the recordings, and turns away, revealing… DUN DUN DUN….. he’s missing an ear. Ooooooooohhhhh intrigue. Who is Creepy Van Gogh and what does he want with the team????

[givemedabooks]

11 Questions Tag

Rules: Always post the rules, do all 11 questions by the tagger, write 11 of your own questions, and tag 11 people to answer said questions.

Tagged by @sparkylovesbooks <3 Thank you for tagging me! Also I loved your questions,it was really fun to answer them!

MY QUESTIONS:

What is your favorite non-fiction topic to read about? Psychology,for sure. Especially stuff that have to do with how society affects the human behavior. I’m currently reading The Lucifer Effect that is all about that and it is so damn interesting! 

If you could direct a movie adaptation of any book, what would it be? If it was a show,I’d pick the Caster Chronicles because I’m lame and I love this series but for a movie I would totally pick The Half Bad trilogy. (I think it would make a fantastic movie adaptation,with great scenery)

Do you use a reading journal? No,but I am thinking of starting one after I finish high school (this is my last year ^.^) 

Have you read the Harry Potter books? No. *crawls under the bed and hides* When I was little I used to watch the movies all the time and I was such a huge fan and kinda still am (I have definitely sorted all my friends in Hogwarts’ houses) I am planning on reading them though. Maybe one day when I’m feeling really nostalgic or when I become a very old lady.

Name a fictional character you can’t stand. Many. The one that comes to mind atm is Annalise from the Half Bad trilogy. (Also,this is not book related but Aunt Lydia from The Handmaid’s Tale. I started watching it yesterday and I have already come up with about a hundred ways to kill her) 

Do you check books out from the library often? No. In Greece we don’t have many libraries and the few libraries that exist have books that I’m not really interested in. I wish we had more and that they were places where people could go and read and talk to each other and not only check out books. 

Ever read a book that takes place where you live? (be it in the same state, country, or even town!) Only a few books written in Greek by Greek authors.

Who are your top fictional crushes? I don’t really have any fictional crushes,more like fictional babies that must be protected at all cost. 

Do you listen to audiobooks? Not really. I’m too in love with physical copies tbh. 

What is one book that did not live up to the hype for you? So many! The Mortal Instruments,Divergent,The Throne of Glass series and even thought I didn’t hate them,I didn’t like them that much either.

Do you read comic books or graphic novels? (And what are some of your favorites if you do?)Yes.Yes.Yes. I started reading comic books and graphic novels a couple of months ago and I’m really enjoying them. I haven’t read many so far but my currently favourite is Watchmen because Alan Moore is a genius;I cannot wait to read V for Vendetta.

Now comes the hard part!

Burn,Rewrite,Reread. Name a book that you would burn,a book that you would rewrite and a book that you would reread.

What is one book that a friend recommended to you and you ended up loving it? (and one that maybe you ended up not loving it?)

If you could combine two books together,what books would you choose? 

Name a book that feels more than a book to you.

If you could marry a fictional character,who would you choose?

Name a character that you wish you could bring back to life.

Name an OTP and a NOTP of yours.

What are some genres that you want to explore?

Name a book family/friend group that you wish you were a part of.

Do you judge books by their cover?

We all love books. Why do you?

 I don’t have anyone to tag but this tag is open to everyone. You,reading this,if you want to do this,just do it and you can say that I have tagged you!

[boo1a4]

92 questions tag!

HELLO ONCE AGAIN! 2 tags 1 day! I was tagged by @yooncheoly KOLBO to do this slightly cursed tag thanks binchhhhhhh

rules: answer these 92 statements and tag 10 people! if there are questions that are too personal or you don’t want to answer, skip them or make a new one :^)

THE LAST (1-5):

drink: DRINK WATER

phone call: My momma!

text: either court or kelb idk

song you listened to: I was listening to some red velvet earlier!

time you cried: EARLIER TODAY IT WAS ABOUT P101 @sambashua THANKS A LOT BISH, it wasn't really crying tho my eyes just got more moist

HAVE YOU (6-11):

dated someone twice: Nope!

kissed someone and regretted it: Nope!

lost someone special: yes 

been depressed: Absolutely 

gotten drunk and thrown up: no I don't drink

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS (12-14):

Green

Blue

Gray

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU (15-21):

made new friends: yep!

fallen out of love: nope

laughed until you cried: yeeeeeeeee

found out someone was talking about you: idk probs my mom tbh

met someone who changed you: yes!

found out who your friends are: I have the smallest group of friends tho so I mean no but yes

kissed someone on your facebook list: nope

how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: I would say like 95% 

do you have any pets: yes a pupper! Loki!

do you want to change your name: I'm chill with Emma! it so common tho!

what did you do for your last birthday: ??? idk oh we went out to eat?

what time did you wake up: 4am

what were you doing at midnight last night: Sleeping

name something you can’t wait for: ditto kelby diamond edge is gon be hype

when was the last time you saw your mom: this morning

what’s one thing you wish you could change in your life: ditto also kelby but also can change never happen ever??

what are you listening to right now: Vixx - Starlight

have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes I had a friend in school named tom

most visited website: tumblr and youtube sometimes twitter!

LOST QUESTIONS (35-64):

moles: I have one on my cheek! and just about all over tbh

marks: I have a old burn scar on my wrist

childhood dream: to be fashion designer I was a dork

hair color: medium brown

long hair or short: its mid length getting too long need to be cut

do you have a crush on someone: no

what do you like about yourself: my eyebrows well one of them aha also I'm not a dick?

piercings: none

blood type: no idea

nickname: Em, Emmy, m&m, Emu, OMMO, ermantrude.

relationship status: Single

zodiac: Gemini!

pronouns: she/her

favorite tv show: Mr Robot, The Office or Game Of Thrones

tattoos: None

right or left hand: Right

surgery: Ive never had surgery!

hair dyed in a different color: Ive dyed it red several times, also purple and black/brown. I had horrible streaks in it as a preteen

sport: who?

vacation: arizona is my fav place so far

pair of trainers: I have 2 pairs

MORE GENERAL (57-73):

eating: my feelings

drinking: orange soda

i’m about to: sneeze 

waiting for: bedtime

get married: no

career: I have no idea

WHICH IS BETTER (65-73):

hugs or kisses: hugs!

lips or eyes: both cause what is one without the other!

shorter or taller: if we are talking about in a partner idc

older or younger: within reason either

nice arms or nice stomach: how about nice elbows tho???

sensitive or loud: a mix

hook up or relationship: neither???

troublemaker or hesitant: both

HAVE YOU EVER (74-83):

kissed a stranger: nope

drank hard liquor: nope

lost glasses/contact lenses: nope

turned someone down: yes

sex in the first date: nope

broken someone’s heart: no?

had your heart broken: not for relationship reasons

been arrested: Nope

cried when someone died: yes

fallen for a friend: no

DO YOU BELIEVE IN (84-89):

yourself: lol only about half of the time tbh

miracles: not like the magical kind

love at first sight: no

santa claus: Sualc atnas

kiss on the first date: no I'm mean do what ever you want idc

angels: no

OTHER (90-92):

favorite thing to do when you’re bored: listening to audiobooks, drawing, I spend and EXCESSIVE amount of time on snapchat also

do you wear socks to sleep: I barely wear them ever tbh so no

favorite movies: Big Fish, About A Boy, Big Hero Six, Moonrise Kingdom, Walk The Line, Guardians of the Galaxy, Civil War, Fantastic Beasts, The Force Awakens, A New Hope

Im just gonna tag who ever wants to do this and @kae-popx @insecure-trash-bag @spasticstars @citruseungkwan

[churmandurr]

Rules: Answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag people

i was tagged by @wooden-duck​ like a week ago 

1. coke or pepsi: pepsi definiely

2. disney or dreamworks: uhmm, disney i guess not sure

3. coffee or tea: coffee definitley

4. books or movies: i really enjoy both but i havent read a book in a long time but like honestly i would take a good book over a movie probz

5. windows or mac: both are good depending on what ur using for 

6. dc or marvel: UHHH idk if i guess i had to choose i guess marvel bc of bullseye from the daredevil movie lol idk

7. x-box or playstation: probz xbox just bc i own one but like i dont rlly play on either, i play on that sweet sweet pc 

8. dragon age or mass effect: i dont have a damn clue about either of these things 

9. night owl or early riser: night owl none of this early morning shit 

10. cards or chess: um probz cards 

11. chocolate or vanilla: chocolarte boi

12. vans or converse: converseeee but like, my one ankle is kinda fuckt up rn so its getting tougher 2 wear them

13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash, or Adaar: idk who these damn people are

14. fluff or angst: angst 

15. beach or forest: giv me the big forest 

16. dogs or cats: BOTH!!!!!!!!!!!!

17. clear skies or rain: i rlly enjoy being in the rain so that 

18. cooking or eating out: cooking is great but im tired a lot so dont rlly like to put in the effort so we eat out often lol....

19. spicy food or mild food: mild food because im a huge pussy

20. halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas: christmassssss

21. would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: a little to cold, its a lot easier to manage 

22. if you could have a superpower, what would it be: all i wanna do is be able to fly 

23. animation or live action: i rlly like live action movies of animted movies 

24. paragon or renegade: what are these words u are saying?

25. baths or showers: showers but baths are ok sometimes 

26. team cap or team ironman: i rlly dont give a damn 

27. fantasy or sci-fi: fantasy tbh

28. do you have three or four favourite quotes, if so what are they? i rlly like this poem here, i know its not a quote but its my favoutire “ you are a horse running alone and he tries to tame you compares you to an impossible highway to a burning house says you are blinding him that he could never leave you forget you want anything but you you dizzy him, you are unbearable every woman before or after you is doused in your name you fill his mouth his teeth ache with memory of taste his body just a long shadow seeking yours but you are always too intense frightening in the way you want him unashamed and sacrificial he tells you that no man can live up to the one who lives in your head and you tried to change didn't you? closed your mouth more tried to be softer prettier less volatile, less awake but even when sleeping you could feel him travelling away from you in his dreams so what did you want to do love split his head open? you can't make homes out of human beings someone should have already told you that and if he wants to leave then let him leave you are terrifying and strange and beautiful something not everyone knows how to love.”

29. youtube or netflix: both for different raesons

30. harry potter or percy jackson: i do not give a danf about these things 

31. when do you feel accomplished: when i have enough money to put away for school and not be completely broke after 

32. star wars or star trek: star trek

33. paperback books or hardback books: hardcover so the pages dont get permanently bent n shit 

34. horror or rom-com: horror all the way

35. tv shows or movies: TV Shows

36. favourite animal: red pandas are my fave 

37. favourite genre of music: popy punky rocky shit tbh

38. least favourite book: honestly propbably like, brave new world or fucking, that book that apocalypse now is based off, heart of darkness

39. favourite season: fall fporever n ever 

40. song that’s currently stuck in your head: the song im listening to i guess, the reason by hoobastank 

41. what kind of pyjama’s do you wear? short shorts and a tank top

42. How many existential crises do you have on an average day: idk like 2 a day

43. If you can only choose one song to be played at your funeral, what would it be? play what does the fox say on repeat alright 

44. Favourite theme song to a TV show: my dad the rockstar 

45. Harry Potter movies or books: neither i dont care 

46. Favourite traditional food from your family: my mom used to make this really amazing pasta salad 

47. Favourite decade from 1900-now: uhh, the early 2000′s for sure 

48. A song that no matter the mood, it’ll make you smile? teenage dirtbag fuck off bye - my roommate makes fun of me all the time because i listen to it so often 

49. Lord of the Rings or the Hobbit? uh neither idk

50. Deadpool or Wolverine? deadpool for sure 

51: What’s your party trick? bumming everybody out man idk

52. Favorite place you’ve even been on vacation? british columbia 

53. Tent camping or cabin camping? tent

54. Favourite tv show character and why? joey from friends he is the most pure friend 

55. Favourite dessert? luv me some cheesecake 

56. Whats one thing you’ve made in the last month? uhh i made campbells cream of bacon chicken and rice idk it was okay

57. When you were 7 years old, what were your dreams in life? uhh idk when i was 7 i thought i was half lion so like

58. Do you read ebooks or audiobooks? neither tbh i just read like, normal books idk

my question: do u sleep with socks on?

i tag @that-turtle-has-a-suitcase @butistillhopeforthebest neither of them will do it probz but thats ok

[half-man-half-lime]

Self-Loathing, etc.

Sorry for the crazy long and personal post, but I’m immeasurably frustrated with myself and need an outlet. So I’mma vent and ramble a bunch, and just sort of hope that somebody who reads this has something helpful to say.

Fuck

So I’ve been wanting to make comics for, like, a long time, and somehow I never seem to be able to just sit down and fucking make them.

Like, I don’t know why I’m surprised the kid who got overwhelmed, shut down and went to bed at the very thought of doing a large project or even some basic homework ALL THROUGHOUT GRADE SCHOOL WITHOUT FAIL grew up to be someone who has trouble with any large and complicated project, let alone a comic that could potentially go on for ten years.

And look, I didn’t even KNOW I was on the Autism spectrum until like 2 or 3 years ago. I’ve gone to therapists and the like, but most of the time I don’t get any seriously helpful advice. (And let’s be real, any moderately helpful advice I get I probably either dismiss because I don’t expect it to help, don’t hear because of my ADD, get overwhelmed by when I try it, or promptly forget upon leaving the office) Mostly it’s the same ‘break tasks down’, etc. etc. stuff I’ve heard a million times anyway.

On top of that, I haven’t been able to take stimulants like Vyvanse, Focalin, Adderall, etc. ever since a couple years ago when I randomly started getting the shakes and other side effects that are uncomfortable and completely get in the way of working.

So I thought, okay, there’s gotta be workarounds, right?

For one thing, I was employed in a full-time job for a little over a year, and I can’t think of a single instance when I slept in on purpose so I didn’t have to go to work. I know how monumentally sad it is to say, but that’s big for me. I still had that problem in the part-time job I had before, that’s how sad it all is.

When I’d saved up enough money at this job, I bought a new computer that I could make comics on, but, surprise surprise, I was too burnt-out by the end of each work day to work on comics, and despite all attempts I couldn’t get myself into the habit of working on my comic either every day, or even just on weekends.

So I thought, hey, maybe the routine, the strict schedule and the designated location are part of what helped.

And that’s why I made it a goal to rent an art studio and start working part-time again, while working on my comic the other half of my time. That didn’t pan out, but in a connected circumstance a friend offered to rent an apartment with me, meaning I could finally move out of my parents’ house.

Still not sure if it was the right decision or not- I admit it’s a little freeing to not have to be religious, but that’s probably not enough of a benefit TBH. Plus it’s not like living on my own magically granted me social skills and I now go out with some big group of friends I somehow made or managed to get a girlfriend or anything. (you know who you are- don’t fucking get on my case about this, seriously I don’t want to hear a word about admitting I like girls or whatever. I don’t want to hear that shit on a good day.)

But the new environment at least meant I could sort of ‘bundle’ other changes in with the big one. I bought an even better computer and set it up in a literal closet of all things so that it could solely be designated as a Work Computer in a Working Space.

On top of that, due to circumstances that deserve an entire rant of their own, I recently lost that full-time job I was talking about. And even though that sucks, (and even though I have to find a new job AND dispute some bullshit false claims my employer made so I can get unemployment and don’t get turned down for every job I apply for,) it does mean I now have a whole mess of free time, and that means I can do COMICS! That’s right, this story idea I’ve been working on for like 3 years or something now can finally be put to paper and everyone can see how great it is and how cool I am or whatever!

Except not, of course.

I set an alarm, I’m getting up at the same time every day, I go to work, and it’s just. Nothing. I look at the work I have to do onscreen and just think ‘I can’t do this, I can’t do this, I can’t do this.’ I need to draw a crowd scene or a complicated contraption or whatever, and I just draw a blank. Like, a combination of just not wanting to do it, and not knowing how.

I’ll admit, I DID make a few improvements since I started working- listening to audiobooks and podcasts less, music more, and keeping my phone in the other room so I don’t end up playing MINDLESSLY ADDICTING MOBILE GAMES I’M STARTING TO HATE

But it’s not going anywhere. For the past few days it’s been like, 10 minutes of actual, literal drawing to, I dunno, 7 hours a day of playing Skyrim because I can’t even fucking bring myself to play a new video game anymore? (Seriously though, everyone’s saying the new Pokemon game is supposed to be amazing, and I’m still like an eighth of the way through, I shouldn’t be this bored by it! I KNOW it’s good!)

It’s hard to find a good way to describe the problem. Heck, it’s hard enough to get my thoughts in order enough to write all this. Do you know I skipped a Drink & Draw at a bar nearby to write this??? Before I decided that, it was just going to be a nap, because sleeping sounds better than going to a place full of people I know I mostly won’t be able to talk to while I stare at a blank sketchbook page or the notebook I’ve been thumbnailing and scripting my comic on and just not knowing what to draw.

*ahem*, Anyway

I’ve read stuff about Autistic Inertia and the like. It’s my favorite go-to name for the problem, but I’m not sure how close it actually is. I’ve googled the term recently, and I saw some relatable stuff, but there was other stuff people said about not being able to talk except fuck, I just realized around like 4th grade, along with my parents being unable to get me up, there were times I just didn’t want to talk, like it would ruin my resting experience to use my vocal cords. Maybe that’s an inertia thing because I had spent so many hours asleep not talking? Anyway, I’m not sure.

Frankly, I don’t know how much I even care about what the label is except to the end that it helps me figure out a solution. I don’t even give a fuck if this is all technically my fault and I’m just lazy, or have learned helplessness, and that’s it. Does anyone know how to magically make yourself not lazy? It’s a paradox, where can you get the motivation to change and make yourself motivated?

Like I’ve said before, this has been a problem for as long as I've had anything resembling a responsibility in life. I have a large task, and it’s just... I see it and my thoughts fizzle out. Like, some kind of mental block.

The best way I’ve figured out how to describe it is like trying to live in a cluttered basement full of useless junk. From the start, it’s this huge enormous mess, and you have to wonder ‘where do I begin?’ But it’s not like there’s an instruction manual for sorting garbage. It’s easier to just sit down and do nothing some of the time. Try and walk around, and you’ll only find yourself tripping and falling over, or being unable to wade through it all because it’s too deep and shit is too cluttered and heavy to move around. It’s like an antlion pit, where trying to climb out just results in everything crumbling and you falling back in.

And say you want to do something more complicated. You’ve got to build something better to work with, right? But imagine how difficult it is to build a couch or a shelf or whatever out of random scraps of garbage, while ALSO trying not to trip and fall over yourself. It’s mentally tiring to figure it out, it’s physically tiring to put it all together. And the worst part of that is the same antlion thing, where if you fuck up then the paths you’ve worn will get flooded with garbage, or the things you’ve built will fall apart.

I don’t know if that metaphor makes sense, I hope it does.

This is all hard to describe. It’s made things difficult, too.

Like, the ENTIRE reason I haven’t gone to college is because of this shit. Whenever I want to feel sorry for myself I’ll think ‘I got into SCAD for God’s sake, how did I end up like this?!’

The fact is, I couldn’t get all my work done in the community college art classes I took JUST TO TEST THE FUCKING WATERS. I avoided any homework I had to do like the plague, and I burned out of a 4-hour drawing class after maybe a single hour.

I still remember when my art teacher told me I was doing something wrong, and asked me to start over, and that was it. I was just done, I couldn’t even imagine devoting the mental energy to doing all that work again, but somehow doing it right, whatever that meant. So I just stood there by the easel for a couple hours until the teacher called me into his office to lecture me/try and figure out what was wrong, and I was too choked up to even speak.

So I don’t know what good can come from posting this rant. Maybe somebody can give me answers? If not then at least I’m venting, I guess.

Excuse me. *ahem*

FUCK

FUCK

FUCK FUCK FUCK

I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MYSELF I HATE EVERYTHING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

?

[surveysonfleek]

640.

Have you ever talked to someone online, but when you saw each other in person, it was just super awkward? Have you ever made a really good friend online? not any time recently but this happened a lot like 10 years ago during myspace days lmao. i used to talk to people that went to other schools in my area and when we’d see each other in public it’d be soooo awkard.

Do you enter sweepstakes or scratch lottery tickets or anything like that? What’s the best thing you’ve ever won? not regularly. i’ve done scratch cards before, never won more than $10.

Right now, would you be upset if you got pregnant, or would you not mind? Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? i’d be upset but keep it. i’ve had a pregnancy scare before.

Have you ever let someone be your everything? yes.

Do you have any weird inside jokes? many.

Could you go the rest of your life without a cigarette? i’d have to prepare for it but yeah, possibly.

Is there anybody you’re really disappointed in right now? myself.

Do you have alcohol in your house? yes.

Have you ever wanted something you couldn’t have? yes.

Are you a morning or night person? night.

What is your favorite color? turquoise.

It’s 4 in the morning, your phone rings, who is it? most likely my boyfriend.

Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend? yeah.

Has someone ever called you at midnight on your birthday? yes.

Are any of your friends virgins? honestly, not that i can think of.

Do you prefer relationships or friends with benefits? relationships.

Has anyone got on your nerves today? not really.

Has anyone told you they would never leave, and left? no.

Do you have a member of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? yes.

Did you kiss or hug anyone in the last 48 hours? yes.

Are you usually early or late? on time.

What’s annoying you? work.

How is your boyfriend/girlfriend doing and where are they now? they’re at home in bed.

Do you have anything to pay off? yes.

What are you wearing right now? pyjamas.

Do you know anyone that wants you dead? nope.

Do you believe that regrets are lessons learned? kinda.

Last person you talked to, and through what you talked to them? my boyfriend, text, vacations.

First color name you can think of that isn’t in the rainbow. turquoise.

What timekeeping devices are in the room you are currently in? macbook, phone, lamp.

What gaming consoles do you or your family own? wii and xbox one.

What’s the best job you’ve ever had? honestly don’t have a favourite job lol.

What’s the worst job you’ve ever had? probably waitressing.

What email service do you use? gmail and hotmail.

Is there anything hanging on the walls of the room you are currently in? a corkboard filled with photos, memories, ticket stubs etc.

Earliest moment in your life you can remember? running to my dad in our hallway.

What did you have for dinner yesterday? a 9 course meal. was good!

How often do you brush your teeth?  daily.

What’s your favorite candy/chocolate? kit kat.

Have you had other blogs on Tumblr? Do you have any other blogs currently? yeah a personal one that i never use anymore.

If you were suddenly really hungry, what would you choose to eat? chocolate or a banana.

What fandoms would you consider yourself a part of? none lol. 

What kind of position are you in at the moment? laying in bed.

Do you wear much jewelry?  nope.

Furthest away from home you have ever been? barcelona.

How many times have you moved houses? three.

Who was the last person you had a conversation with on the phone? my boyfriend.

Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex? yes.

Has anyone said they love you in the last week? yes.

Who was the last person to comfort you as you cried? my boyfriend.

Do your computer speakers work? yes.

Which friend are you most similar to? none tbh.

Your ex calls wanting to hang out. What do you say? no thanks.

Would you get back with your last ex if they asked you? no.

Have you kissed anyone whose name starts with a M? no.

Would you kiss the last person who texted you, on the lips? yes.

Camping with a ton of friends or hotel with a few friends? hotel for sure.

Have you ever kissed anyone who’s name starts with P, J, R, M, C, or D? yes.

Is there someone you wouldn’t mind kissing right now? yes.

Do you think your ex will ever want to be with you again? nope.

Where would you rather live: England or Australia? australia.

What’s your relationship with the last person you texted? he’s my boyfriend.

When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? my skin looks oily.

Do you fall for people easily? not really.

Do you ever wonder what your ex is up to? nope.

Have you ever kissed someone who was drunk? yes.

The nearest window to you now - what color curtains are on them? greyish.

The shade of the color of your eyes can be described as: just brown.

When was the last time you drank alcohol? two nights ago.

At what age did you stop believing in Santa? maybe 6-7.

Do you own a wok? yes.

Is there a particular type of music you really don’t like? country.

Do you like going to weddings? yes, i love them! What do you have on your toast? nutella.

Who was the last person you know who became pregnant? shontelle.

Beach, city, or mountains? city or mountains.

Do you have a stapler at your house? yes.

Would you rather read a book or listen to an audiobook? read.

Which is larger - your book or dvd collection? they’re about even. actually more books.

What is the last spontaneous thing you did? go xmas shopping lol.

You get a call at 2:00 a.m. - your first thought is: who’s this.

What is your middle name? rather not say.

What are you passionate about? i’m not sure anymore lol.

Do you have any fears? yes.

Where are you from? sydney.

What’s your sign? sag.

Future names of your children: i have some in mind but i’ll see if i still like them if the time comes.

What are you listening to right now? the fan.

Do you believe in fate/destiny? i’m not sure... sometimes i do sometimes not.

What are your career goals? marketing of some sort or something creative.

Something you are working on right now: looking for a new job.

Have you ever had a near-death experience? no.

Are you a procrastinator or do you get things done early? i’ll get half done early, other half later on.

TV shows and anime you watch regularly. superstore, fresh off the boat, survivor, modern family etc.

Halloween costume idea for this year? didn’t dress up this year.

Your best friend’s name. dwayne.

Do you prefer liquid, mousse, or powder foundation? Why? liquid, just looks more seamless.

How much does your mother know about your sex life (or lack thereof)? haha idk never really talked about it.

Do you enjoy watching cooking shows? sometimes.

Do you worry about gaining weight? yes.

Have you ever used fake tan? once. waste of time.

Do you ever look at someone cute, and automatically make a move? no.

How many times have you been to Walmart in the past week? zero. there’s no walmarts here.

Do you live in a house, apartment, or another type of arrangement? house.

Are you kind of a loner? Do you like being alone? sometimes i am but i don’t mind being alone. i’ll see my friends a couple times a week though.

Are any of your siblings married? What are their spouses’ names? no, she’s younger than me.

Does your father have any creepy or scary friends you don’t like? nope.

What color are the walls in the room you’re in right now? grey and turquoise.

Do you watch any shows that you know your parents wouldn’t approve of? no, i’m an adult lol.

Do you have any siblings who still believe in Santa, and are over age ten? nope.

What color were the last pair of headphones/earphones you bought? white. didn’t buy them, they just came with my phone.

Are you attracted to the last person that you fell in love with? yes.

What did you do yesterday? had a late birthday dinner with my dad.

Something you really want right now? some motivation.

If you could seek revenge on someone, would you? nah.

How long have you liked the person you like? 8+ years.

Does any part of your body hurt right now? no.

Can you recall the last time you liked someone? yes.

Are you happy with the way things are going? not entirely.

Would you ever get a tattoo? nope.

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? yes.

Who was the last person you talked to in person? umm my mum.

What plans do you have for tomorrow? maybe work.

Has a friendship ended recently that you wish had not? nope.

What happened at 9:00 a.m. today? i was still asleep.

Where are your biological parents? both at home.

Do you have any summer plans yet? nope. just work and save.

Do you tend to waste a lot of money? sometimes.

What did you last drink? water.

Do you have trust issues? nope.

Do you think this year will be better than the last? i think it was.

What are you doing? this.

Are you a jealous person? not that much anymore.

Do you think age matters in relationships? to an extent.

Who is the last person you rode in a car with? my mum and sis.

Did you sing at all today? nope.

Where will you be 2 hours from now? here.

Are there any stressful situations in your life? not really.

Are your lips chapped at the moment? nope!