#lists? unhelpful and overwhelming

[gemmahale]

I wish I could explain how overwhelmed I feel right now.

Instead, picture 6 or 7 different flocks of different birds, all screaming their mating calls and whatever bullshit birds discuss at human frequencies.

That's my brain right now.

[endusviolence]

Always good to drop links for boycott lists for situations like what's happening is Gaza. BDS is generally really handy in these cases. For those who aren't familiar, the BDS (or Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions group) is a Palestinian-led movement for tracking those three forms of monetary protests against Israel which has been operating since the early 00s, using the same methods that anti-apartheid groups has success with in Africa during the 90s. Their website has shorter lists of companies and products to boycott at this time, as well as links to other movements to provide pressure to companies and groups to stop working with Israel.

From the River to the Sea, Palestine will be free

[himbopunk]

bro every time someone on etsy asks me how i make patches i get so excited i fucking love sharing resources and helping people make things its cool as hell

[transmutationisms]

along w ur plato post uve also mentioned disliking marxist syllabi that make you go chronologically just to understand one author (ie greek philo - hegel - marx)

i was planning to go down this route this yr to combine both my long overdue dive into theory and philosophy, and i actually found this to be less overwhelming than immediately diving into say, continental philosophy or critical theory. i wonder then what other route you'd suggest for philosophy? (since for marxist theory youve pretty much alr answered it in a past ask)

are greek philosophers still "useful" to read for beginners or is it much better off to start with contemporaries? is this a case of "we've actually been doing the math curriculum wrong this entire time" or is it just personal preference. help

depends what you're trying to accomplish, but if someone's in my inbox asking how to get started reading theory or philosophy then i think it's a) unhelpful, and b) needlessly deferent to received ideas of 'canonicity', to perpetuate the notion that there's a single correct order in which to read, and it begins with the same 20 ancient greeks writing about geometrical forms and elemental tetravalence. like, it's worth remembering what's missing from a typical global north university's philosophy syllabus: perhaps most obviously, reams of islamicate scholarship and centuries of dialogue between 'western' and 'eastern' writers often suppressed in favour of a 'dark ages' narrative that just sort of jumps up to the 'renaissance'... and there are so many other, egregious, historically unjustifiable lacunae like this.

it's noble enough to want to know where an idea comes from or what its genealogical lineage is, but to try to discover this by reading through a list drawn up by classicists or philosophy departments is dangerously optimistic about the politicking that shapes and perpetuates such lists. even just reading the works that an author is openly citing or arguing with is lacking: what about, say, hegel, whose idea of freedom and enslavement developed partially in response to reading newspaper coverage of the haitian revolution? he didn't exactly announce that in the text! to read the phenomenology of spirit as merely the next intellectual step after kant is deeply distorted; for that matter, kant's own intellectual influences came not only from a supposed philosophical canon but also from the scientific and anthropological discourses underpinning his biological theory of race and defence of racism.

my issue with the "read chronologically" approach isn't that it's bad to follow a topic over a process of historical change. it's that these received lists of 'canonical' thinkers are artefacts of their own social and historical contexts, and are both produced to certain ideological ends, & then appealed to later in order to enforce and even naturalise those ideologies. if what we want is the context to understand what hegel or marx or adorno were really talking about, we need to engage with the texts as historical documents and with the histories as products of imperfect, biased, and ideologically laden human labour.

i'm not here to tell you not to read whatever you were planning to read. for one thing, sometimes the intellectual influence named in the syllabus is a useful one (there are certain questions about marx and marxian ideas that are easier to understand and answer if you have read at least a little bit of hegel). but, in the context of the overwhelming gatekeeping of knowledge, and the hegemonic use of ideas about canonicity and the 'right' way to read 'classics', if someone asks what they need to do in order to read xyz, i'm pretty much never going to default to "start by reading plato". read things that are interesting to you, however old they are; read about their authors; make liberal use of online resources like the SEP if you need a crash-course on certain concepts or jargon. you certainly don't need to be afraid of reading one text to better understand another. i just don't think you need to be beholden to that mode of reading, either, especially not in a context where the common wisdom on whose work belongs in such a genealogy is predicated on centuries of colonial and imperial scholarship and disseminated by institutions structurally positioned to defend the idea of an enlightened and ennobling western intellectual tradition.

in a certain twisted way, these 'standard' (to whom?) or 'traditional' (since when?) reading lists are often presented as the shortcut to the 'correct' understanding of landmark texts or authors—only, this is a 'shortcut' that considers ideas as disembodied from their real contexts, relating only to one another in an intellectual realm and developing in more or less linear fashion often to some teleological end; and, by dint of the sheer amount of material involved, it's also a 'shortcut' that many people will never actually traverse. i don't have an inherent problem with reading chronologically. i just don't automatically defer to these kinds of syllabi, and i think dethroning them could do us all a lot of good.

[batbirdies]

ADHD and being your own zookeeper

So, I was diagnosed with mixed ADHD in my late 20′s. It’s been a couple years since then and I was recently lamenting to a close friend about the difficult process of working out alternative methods of doing things once you’ve (finally) realized the standard ways don’t work.

With that in mind I thought I would just volunteer some advice I have gathered over the last couple years of attempting to be my own zookeeper.

This will mainly be with an ADHD focus since that’s me but hopefully it will be helpful to lots of ND people.

to start, you’ve probably heard of inviting people over to force yourself to clean. This is.... a method. And it works! until it doesn’t (ie burnout). Basically this is a way to trigger a stress response in yourself that forces motivation. You can do this. I have done this. But I would say this is an absolute last resort and not something you should ever be doing on a regular basis. It is not the healthy way to go about this. So here are my tips on hopefully maintaining your life without needing to resort to this stressful method.

(also I know this is long ADHD peeps, I’m sorry I’m just longwinded it can’t be helped.)

So, to get started

1. Time yourself. 

Sometimes a whole task is overwhelming to think about and starting it feels impossible because the idea of finishing it feels impossible. So what I often do instead is just choose a specificed amount of time (a SHORT amount). I usually do 15 minutes, but you can do whatever you choose, and tell myself I will spend that amount of time on a task (usually cleaning but can be anything). This feels much more managable to me, it’s a definite length of time and I know I am capable of 15 minutes (or whatever amount of time you can manage) of sustained activity. 

also DO NOT keep going after the time is up. Stop. Because if you keep going your brain will then remember this and know that 15 minutes isn’t actually just 15 minutes and then you’re back to the initial problem of being overwhelmed. Pick a time and stick to that time. 

2. Do things the easy way.

When I say this what I mean is “do things the way that sounds easiest to YOU”. Sometimes that is actually, objectively, the harder way to do something. It’s less efficient, takes longer etc, but it feels more doable for whatever reason. Just do it the way you are capable of doing it. 

As an example I needed to clean the litter box really bad but I just kept putting off and then feeling guilty and also gross and instead of just cleaning it I dumped the whole thing and started fresh because it felt like less work. Alternatively on other days I have been planning to dump the whole thing and start fresh but THAT sounds like heavy lifting and being outside but I can manage to just scoop the box like normal. So I do that instead. 

3. Do things part way

This is more something to learn to be ok with rather than a method in and of itself. But along with the first suggestion, 15 minutes sometimes isn’t long enough to complete a task. And sometimes you don’t have another 15 minutes later in the day to finish it etc. But doing part of a task is SO MUCH better than doing none of it. I have started using the mantra “If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing what you can.” 

4. Make a list

This is a suggestion I see on tons of (bad, unhelpful) articles online about ADHD and accomplishing tasks. I find that it can be sometimes helpful and sometimes not, depending on what it is I need to get done. For my actual office job, it can be really helpful because I sometimes get frozen because there’s too many things to do and I can’t seem to just pick a place to start. Making a list in this case helps me to just start moving in a specific direction and keep going. This can also be the case with cleaning if you just don’t know where to begin. But do not feel like you have to do this either, because sometimes a list just feels like pressure to accomplish things and that’s not helpful at all.

An alternativey way I have found to make lists in relation to #1 is to make a list of things I will spend X amount of time doing, because as someone whose brain flits between tasks rapidly when I’m not in hyperfocus mode it’s sometimes easier to keep swapping back and forth, however if you do it TOO quickly you don’t accomplish anything. So I try to time things. Ten minutes here, ten minutes there, etc. or whatever amount of time you choose. 

5. Do things the minute they occur to you if at all possible

I’m sure I don’t even need to say this and people will know immediately why, but just literally. You won’t remember. Do not tell yourself you’ll do it later when it’s more convenient you are GOING To forget until you are laying in bed trying to sleep and then go “oh shit I didn’t do the thing”. And for the record it is totally ok to get up and out of bed and go do the thing if it feels managable and won’t keep you up all night. If it will, put an alarm in your phone to remind you the next day at a convenient time. 

6. Get a body double

This is something I’ve always sort of known about but didn’t understand until recently, and it’s actually a thing you can even look up articles about it now. Basically for some unknown reason it will feel easier to stay on task if there is another person with you. I have invited my sister over to hang out with me while I clean my apartment before. The difficult aspect of having someone in person, especially if its for cleaning, is that you have to be ok with them seeing the dirty version. However I have also found this can work almost equally as well over the phone! So totally get on the phone with a friend while you task!

I do advise that you tell whoever you are asking for help this way that that’s what you’re doing. at least for me, depending on the task, if can take up enough attention that it’s hard to maintain conversation. But if they person knows that they can either carry the convo or be chill with silence while they also continue their things on the other end. 

7. use a crock pot

This is obviously cooking specific, but I recently bought myself a slow cooker and it’s been a game changer for making myself cook. For whatever reason it is so much easier to make myself get meals going midday than it is in the evenings. And I’m also much more likely to clean up the mess when I can do it before the food is ready. There are ALSO CROCKPOT BAGS YOU CAN BUY!! SO YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO WASH THE CROCKPOT BETWEEN USES, JUST THE LID! But if the bag leaks or something you can wash the pot part in the disahwasher (and the lid)

8. buy frozen meals

tbh frozen meals are way too small they do not equal an actual meal in my mind, however when you are full on into hyperfocused mode and the idea of stopping to eat is laughable, these will be your rescue. Pop it in the microwave and go back to your thing, eat it while you continue your thing. It’s at least a more healthy and well rounded snack than potato chips, or alternatively, not eating.

9. Make your next appointment before you leave

If you’re anything like me, sometimes making that phone call and scheduling something is like some incomprehensibly unmanagable task even though it will literally take 1 minute. (But then if you have phone anxiety then that complication is thrown in.)

So when possible, after a dentist or doctor appt, make your next one before you leave. Most dentists want you on a 6 month rotation, doctors on a yearly one (chiro monthly etc). I know that is like a crazy long time away to think about having something on your schedule but they’ll call you a day or two before the appt to remind you and if you MUST you can reschedule, but that will at least force you into making the phone call if you end up being unable to keep the appt. (however be aware of cancellation fees etc. this is ALWAYS a good idea because of such things) 

Also ask if you can schedule online, a lot of places have that ability now!!

10. Try new methods and be flexible

As I’m sure is the case for a lot of peope with ADHD, things that work really well one day will not be an ounce of help the next. This can be particularly frustrating because you will think you have found the holy grail method. FINALLY, SOMETHING THAT WORKS!!! I WILL BE ABLE TO ACCOMPLISH ALL OF THE THINGS I HAVE STRUGGLED WITH MY WHOLE LIF-- WTF this doesn’t help anymore. 

I have found that when something is a NEW strategy, it helps a lot! and then after a week or two it loses effectiveness. This is fine though, because if you have enough methods you can cycle through them and they are like new again!! It’s like hiding a toy from your cat after it gets bored and then giving it to them again in a month and oh wow! new toy!!

This is where I’m at currently and all of the helpful things I could come up with. I may add things as they occur to me<3

[momentsbeforemass]

“God won’t give you more than…”

(for someone who’s feeling overwhelmed)

Think of everything that you’re dealing with right now.

Find one of the classic lists of the top ten most stressful life events and see how many of them you’re hitting. Then add everything else you’re dealing with on top of it.

It’s no wonder you’re feeling kind of overwhelmed.

Just when you need a friend most. Someone with solid advice, a shoulder to cry on, help carrying the load.

That’s when the people who don’t have a clue show up. It’s like they’ve been saving up all their bad ideas and unhelpful suggestions. And now? It’s time to dump it all on you.

One of the worst ones they dump on you?

“God won’t give you more than you can handle.”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that. Or how many people I’ve heard it from.

Maybe it gets said with the best of intentions.

But it’s not helpful. Because it’s just not true.

God doesn’t sit there measuring out problems just for you and me. Making sure that each of us gets just the right amount of problems. All we can take. But not more than we can handle.

If you think about Good Friday - just for half a second - then you know that’s wrong. And completely foreign to the heart of God. That is not who God is.

Problems will come. And they will keep coming.

I don’t remember who said it, but all of us are either going into a crisis, in a crisis, or coming out of a crisis.

I know. That’s not news. That’s just the world we live in.

The truth is that it’s not about how much you or I can handle. Not by ourselves.

Because if we’re God’s children, then we won’t be bearing it alone.

And if you are His, then the simple truth is more like this.

“God won’t give you more than He can handle.”

Which leaves just this question – will you share the load?

Today’s Readings

[bidoofenergy]

This is me humbly requesting some Jimmy and Joel/Grian interactions from your dance floor au🙏

Additionally I would kill for a d&d au that genuinely sounds so fun as someone who played dnd years ago (unf the group was not fun to play with, I feel bad for our dm)

hungry busy people

also on AO3 sequel to let's ditch the dance floor (4048 words)

“Friday night,” Joel sarcastically cheers, under his breath. “Living the dream," Jimmy refuses to pay attention to him. He’s got his planner, his Google Calendar, and all his course websites open in front of him, but he still feels like he’s forgetting something. He goes down this weekend's to do list for the third time, comparing it to upcoming deadlines.

“Class signup starts next week right?” he asks, whipping up to look at Joel, across the table. Joel pauses his lamenting on missing on date night with Lizzie.

“Registration isn’t for another two weeks.” Joel says slowly. Jimmy flips to two weeks out and, sure enough, there it is on Thursday in capital letters: “CLASS SIGNUP 8 AM!!” Jimmy groans.

“Are you forgetting something?” Joel asks, barely hiding his amusement.

“Tell me you know what I’m forgetting.” Jimmy leans over his open notebooks and half the table to beg properly.

Joel leans away from Jimmy’s hands and smirks. “How should I know what you’ve forgotten?” He reaches for his phone as he speaks and starts typing without breaking eye contact.

“If you’re texting Grian to make fun of me—” Jimmy starts, in his best attempt at threatening. It isn’t very good, given how Joel’s smirk just grows.

“Do your homework Jim.” Joel pats the top of his hand. “It’ll come to you; probably when you least expect it.” Joel sounds too happy about this for Jimmy’s taste. He sighs and sits back. Joel has decided to be unhelpful and there’s no changing his mind. Jimmy hates him a little.

“I hate you a lot.” He tells Joel. Joel is not bothered by this.

Truthfully, Jimmy can only hate Joel a little today. Joel agreed to go to the vet school library with him on a Friday night, even though it’s a good 15 minute bus ride from their dorm, because Jimmy focuses better here than at the library on main campus. Jimmy needs to be at the library on a Friday night because, at some point this semester, his workload went from substantial to overwhelming. And on top of that, there’s… something else. Something is happening this weekend and that means Jimmy has to get as much work done today as possible.

To start: this godforsaken discussion post that’s due at midnight. He switches windows back to the week’s reading and continues skimming it, hoping for something to jump out at him. He just needs to find something vaguely interesting to write 150 words about and then he can tell two random classmates they “brought up some very intriguing points, I hadn't considered that” and be done with the class—at least until next Friday’s discussion post.

It’s on his fourth reread of the same sentence (so much for skimming) that Jimmy feels a presence behind him. He freezes and considers. Joel is still in front of him, intently focused on his laptop screen. There’s only one other person Jimmy knows who would stand behind him and silently wait like this, but he’s an hour drive—this is the thing Jimmy forgot!

Jimmy whirls around, his suspicions immediately confirmed when he nearly smacks Grian in the stomach in his excitement. “Grian!” he exclaims and immediately winces at his volume.

“Hey Tim,” Grian grins. “Took you long enough to notice.” He ruffles Jimmy’s hair before sitting down.

“He’s been here for seven minutes.” Joel says as he reaches across the table to bump fists in greeting. “I timed it.”

“You’re getting sloppy Tim.” Grian shakes his head.

“Shut up.” Jimmy whines. “Where’s your stuff man?” He cannot believe he forgot Grian was staying the weekend; it’s not like their plans were what got him through the last few weeks.

“In my car, which is by your dorm, because that’s where you told me you’d be.” Grian pokes Jimmy in the chest. “Joel had to coach me through your bus system by text!”

Joel smirks at Grian’s annoyance. “Sorry, not all of us have the cutting-edge infrastructure of HCU.”

“A functional, easy-to-understand bus system is not cutting-edge—”Grian starts, voice rising, before Joel and Jimmy shush him.

“Yes, yes, HCU rules, ESU drools.” Joel says mockingly, rolling his eyes.

“Don’t give us Scar’s public transportation rant, I have homework I need to finish.” Jimmy pleads. Grian splutters like he can’t decide what to be offended by first.

“It’s not a rant—It’s not Scar’s—” he squawks. Jimmy and Joel glance at each other and laugh.

“Hush, both of you,” Grian folds his arms. “You’re doing homework? I drove all the way here, rode your horrible bus, to watch you do homework?”

Jimmy can't help but laugh. He’s missed Grian so much.

“Don’t laugh!” Grian exclaims and Joel shushes him again, still laughing as he does.

“The grind doesn’t stop.” Jimmy shrugs. “Gotta finish this today so I’m free tomorrow.” At the mention of tomorrow, Grian brightens.

“Yes! I’m looking forward to your gym.” he enthuses and Joel groans. “You guys actually have more climbing space than HCU does.” Grian continues and Joel groans louder.

“You’re obsessed.” Joel complains.

“Alright, Mr. Thought of Baby Names Three Months in.” Grian scoffs.

“I did not—not three months—” Joel fumbles to defend himself, flushing. “I would never—I was totally cool and normal about Lizzie.” His flush deepens at the mention of his girlfriend, which doesn’t really help his case.

“So, we’re just lying now?” Jimmy asks Grian in a stage whisper and they grin at each other.

“Shut up,” Joel groans, head in his hands. “Do your homework Tim.”

Jimmy frowns, but before he can say anything, Grian pokes his arm. “Yeah Timmy,” he says teasingly, switching sides easily. “Finish your homework so we can get out of here.”

“Boo,” Jimmy mumbles and he and Joel start working again.

Grian leaves them alone for about ten minutes, entertaining himself with his phone, before getting bored and scooting his chair closer to Jimmy. He rests his chin on Jimmy’s shoulder and starts reading along. Jimmy, used to this, lets his shoulder drop a little so Grian is more comfortable.

“Jim,” Grian says after a moment.

“Hmm?”

“If you don’t pick a random quote and start writing—” Grian starts and Jimmy just laughs. Joel looks up at the two of them, an eyebrow raised. “He’s overthinking this.” Grian huffs, sounding personally offended.

“I’d never accuse Jimmy of thinking too much.” Joel smirks.

“Hey!” Jimmy exclaims. “I wasn’t sure where to start and—” Grian cuts him off.

“That doesn’t sound like ‘Thank you for the advice, Grian, I’ll get right to it!’”

Jimmy rolls his eyes. “Thank you for the advice, Grian, I’ll get right to it.” he parrots. Grian pats him on the head and sits back, looking smug.

The worst part is: Grian is right. Jimmy finds the sentence he had to read four times and starts writing, “A quote that I found particularly interesting…”

Grian watches him type for a few minutes before getting bored again and rolling over to watch Joel. “That doesn’t look like homework.” He remarks dryly. Jimmy looks up to see the familiar expression of Joel caught texting Lizzie something gross and cheesy and quickly looks back to his own laptop screen, happy to let Grian take care of that.

- - -

They’re at the library for a few more hours, until it’s almost 12:30. Jimmy finished his discussion post and the two replies and starts on his math homework (Grian immediately teases him for “taking a finance class, that’s not even real math!”). Joel, eventually, probably because she fell asleep, stops texting Lizzie and starts reading. It’s a lot of highlighting, mumbling to himself, and looking like the book in front of him insulted his mother. Grian steals Jimmy’s phone, gets the passcode right on the first try because Jimmy hasn’t bothered to change it since Grian first learned it in high school, and starts playing Angry Birds. Jimmy doesn’t even remember having Angry Birds on his phone.

Eventually, Jimmy’s mind feels like a thick soup and Grian has given up on Angry Birds in favor of spinning his chair worryingly fast. Joel, seeing the state of the two of them, snaps his book closed and says, “Let’s get out of here.”

“Finally!” Grian exclaims, jumping up to his feet. He sways and stumbles and Jimmy laughs as he packs up his stuff.

Grian is buzzing with energy as they leave the library and head to the bus stop. The night air is warm and heavy with humidity. The sidewalk is lit a hazy orange-yellow from the streetlights. There’s no one else at the bus stop. Jimmy stands by the sign and bounces on his toes. Grian squints at the bus stop bench, like he's grading it. For a moment, it’s quiet—only the sounds of distant traffic and bugs.

“I’m hungry.” Joel announces to the night air, startling Jimmy a little.

“Nothing’s open right now.” Jimmy frowns.

“Do you not have food in your room?” Grian asks. Neither Jimmy nor Joel dignify his question with a response.

“There’s gotta be something open.” Joel pulls out his phone and opens his map app, pinching and panning and zooming in on nearby streets. Both Jimmy and Grian crowd around, bumping their heads together.

“I really cannot believe ESU doesn’t have stuff nearby open past midnight.” Grian mumbles. Jimmy can’t believe HCU would.

“There’s a Waffle House not far from our dorm, which is good because this is the last bus.” Joel announces, zooming in on the Waffle House in question. He looks a little too excited about this. Jimmy glances at Grian, who looks more caught up on the idea that the buses are stopping now.

“I could eat,” Jimmy offers and, just like that, their plans have been made.

“Waffle House!” Joel cheers and switches over to stare at the bus tracker app.

- - -

The Waffle House isn’t very busy, unsurprising for it being nearly 1 am, only another group of five college students crammed in a booth and only two people working. The blond, middle-aged cook yells at them to “sit wherever!” when they enter and Grian picks a booth for them. Joel slides in next to Grian and drops his backpack on the opposite bench right as Jimmy’s about to sit. Jimmy rolls his eyes, pushes the bag further in, and accidentally kicks Joel as he’s getting settled. Joel, of course, immediately kicks him back, and things devolve from there.

“Boys!” Grian admonishes as the waiter comes up to the table, menus in hand. “Can’t take them anywhere.” he jokes, like he didn’t just kick Jimmy in the shins. The waiter, a tall, lanky guy about their age with a yellow sweater on underneath his Waffle House shirt, looks unimpressed and drops the menus on the table. Joel, noticing the waiter, straightens up.

The waiter says, “Yell for me when you're ready.” and leaves.

“Christ that dude is tall.” Joel remarks as soon as he’s gone.

“You’re just short.” Grian rolls his eyes and pulls the menu Jimmy was reaching for towards himself.

“Taller than you!” Joel says indignantly.

“Don't start,” Jimmy begs, head in his hands. Joel takes this as an opportunity to the remaining menu. Jimmy doesn’t react. They all know what they want anyway.

He twists around to wave the server over. He’s talking to the cook, who looks a little more stressed than Jimmy would like the person making his food to look, especially if they work at Waffle House. When the tall man notices, he pushes off the counter and heds over.

“What can I get you guys?” he asks, shoving his hands in his pockets. Jimmy catches his nametag: Wilbur.

“Double hashbrown, scattered and covered please.” Jimmy says, ignoring Grain’s responding gag. The server nods and turns to Joel, who’s puffing out his chest. Jimmy has to stare really hard at poor Wilbur’s beanie (red, a little dirty, definitely not in-uniform) to avoid Grian’s eye.

“All star breakfast, with bacon.” Joel replies and at least he’s not dropping his voice like he used to do in front of Lizzie all the time.

“Double waffles,” Grian says. “And we’ll all have orange juice.” Jimmy hates orange juice.

“It’s gonna be a while on those waffles.” Wilbur informs them. “We’ve only got one iron working at the moment and they”—he gestures behind him lazily to the other table— “all ordered waffles. That explains the cook’s expression. All three of them wince sympathetically.

“That’s fine.” Grian reassures him. Wilbur nods and leaves before Jimmy can remember he doesn’t like orange juice.

- - -

Their food comes fairly quickly, except for Grian and Joel’s waffles of course. “Yeah it’s gonna be about an hour.” the server tells them, faintly apologetic.

“Holy moly,” Jimmy breathes and Joel and Grian grimace in unison.

“We’ll wait,” Grian tells him.

“Waffle House welcomes you 24 hours a day.” Wilbur replies flatly before leaving, clearly quoting something from his training. Joel snorts into his food.

Jimmy slides his orange juice across the table to Grian. “Timmy, you've got to get your Vitamin C.” Grian says, taking a massive gulp of Jimmy’s orange juice. “What if you get scurvy or something?”

“I’m not getting scurvy.” Jimmy says and starts eating.

“You’re eating potatoes and cheese; that’s not exactly a balanced diet.”

“He does have a point.” Joel agrees, mouth full.

“You’re not any better!” Jimmy doesn’t exactly yell, and Joel and Grian both shush him.

- - -

Thirty minutes later, hashbrowns long gone, Jimmy has his head on the table, pillowed under his arms, half-asleep. Grian and Joel have been talking about this ghost-hunting video game for at least twenty minutes. While Jimmy plays it all the time with them, he barely knows the rules, nevermind the intricate strategies they’re discussing. Instead he lets their voices wash over him and, between them and the rain. He’s almost—

Jimmy sits bolt upright and blurts, “It’s raining?”

Grian and Joel pause to exaggeratedly glance between him, the window, and each other.

“Indeed it is, Timmy,” Grian claps mockingly. “Well done.” Jimmy groans.

“No, walking back is gonna be a pain.”

“Neither of you have an umbrella?” Grian asks, somehow surprised.

“I’m sure it’ll clear up soon.” Joel tells Jimmy. They both leave Grian's question unanswered.

- - -

Twenty minutes later, the rain hasn’t cleared up and, in fact, has gotten much worse. The water’s coming down in sheets angled by the wind. Jimmy was woken up by a loud crack of thunder and nearly jumped out of his seat, much to Joel and Grian’s amusement.

A little while later, Wilbur comes by with their waffles. “Sorry for the wait,” he says, not sounding sorry at all. “I’ll bring your bill in a moment, you guys paying separately or together?”

“Seperate,” Jimmy mumbles distractedly staring out the window at the storm. He can’t even see the streetlight by the bus stop.

The server pauses and adds, a little more sincerely this time, “You really are welcome to stay as long as you gotta.”

“Thanks,” Joel grins around a mouthful of waffle.

“Gross,” Grian groans around his own mouthful of waffle. Wilbur leaves, somehow looking both disgusted and disinterested.

Jimmy’s startled out of his storm-induced daze when every phone in the building goes off in quick succession. He scrambles to silence his, not even reading the warning displayed on the screen.

“Flood warning,” Joel reads. “No shit.” Flooding does indeed seem like a given as water streams down the sidewalk and starts to puddle over the one visible storm drain.

Jimmy drums his fingers on the table. His backpack is water resistant, but that doesnt mean much in a storm like this. None of them even have an umbrella or even jackets; it had been so warm that evening.

“I think we should wait.” He says.

“I’m not getting my laptop wet.” Joel agrees.

“Fine,” Grian sighs. It’s almost 2 am.

- - -

By 2:15, they’ve paid and their dishes sit in a neat stack next to a not insignificant cash tip that the three of them pooled together.

“For you and the poor man with only one waffle iron.” Grian tells Wilbur when he comes to collect their plates and raises an eyebrow at the bills. He actually laughs as he tucks it apron pocket.

When he leaves their table, they hear him yell, “Hey old man, tip for you!” and fall over each other trying not to laugh too loudly.

- - -

By 2:30, the rain has slowed enough that Jimmy can actually see through it. A couple, two college-aged women, had emerged suddenly into the yellow-white light of the Waffle House sign. Now, they stand by the counter, dripping.

“You can, like, walk but it sucked.” Jimmy hears one of them tell the cook, a little too casually for someone who was just out in the middle of a flood warning. The other apologizes profusely to Wilbur who’s brought over a mop.

Grian’s entertaining himself on Jimmy’s phone, so Jimmy looks over to Joel, who said he restarted his reading but is actually on his phone. Joel, as if sensing Jimmy’s gaze, looks up. “I don't wanna be stuck here all night with no sleep—we’re supposed to meet Lizzie for breakfast before work” he says a little sadly. Grian looks up from Angry Birds to glance between them.

Jimmy weighs his options. On the one hand, his laptop is out of warranty and he can’t afford to get it or his notes wet. On the other hand, Lizzie’s busy all weekend and the only chance she has to see Grian is at some cafe 20 minutes away tomorrow morning. At 8 am.

“It’s still pouring.” Grian complains. “Give it a bit.” They give it a bit.

- - -

By 2:45, the rain has barely slowed while Jimmy definitely has. He and Grian started stacking creamer pods and every so often Jimmy knocks them over and just stares, blinking, while Grian cackles.

He sets down the creamer he was about to stack and whines, “We can’t stay here any longer.”

Joel snaps his book closed and jumps up. “Right, let’s get going then so we can sleep and then wake up on time because I refuse to be late to meeting Lizzie.” He leans across the table, reaching for his bag, as he says this.

“Wait, wait, hang on a minute,” Grian says, still wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. “Can we be smart about this please?”

Joel, practically laying on the table to reach his bag tucked against the window with one hand while balancing off Jimmy’s shoulder with the other, says, “I’m always smart.”

“Uh-huh,” Grian says, unconvinced, and slides out past Joel's legs to talk to the cook, who’s leaning against the counter looking half-asleep. Jimmy manages to escape from Joel to stand and laughs as Joel flounders, trying not to fall off the table.

Joel’s upright by the time Grian returns with a small trashbag. Jimmy squints at the trashbag, trying to understand. “Wha’s that for?” he asks after Grian fails to explain, clearly more amused by Jimmy’s sleepy confusion.

“Well if you put something in here, you can keep it dry.” Grian starts, condescending. Jimmy blinks, still catching up. “Gosh, Tim, you really need to sleep.” Grian laughs, breaking character. “Put your laptops in here and then in Tim’s bag.” He instructs Joel. Jimmy just moves away and lets Joel handle things, swaying where he stands.

“Jesus Tim, you big baby,” Grian complains, propping him up a little with his shoulder.

Joel straightens up from where he was rearranging their stuff and hands Jimmy his bag. “Let’s get this show on the road!” He says, clapping his hands together once they’re free.

“Thank you, have a good night!” Grian calls to the Waffle House employees as he none-too-gently herds Jimmy out the door.

“Stay dry!” Wilbur calls after them from where he’s leaned next to the grill, blowing vape smoke up the exhaust.

“Complete dumbasses,” Jimmy hears the cook laugh as the door closes behind them.

He’s immediately soaked, barely three steps out the door and much more awake. The wind has died down considerably, which Jimmy is grateful for. “Lucky it’s not as windy,” he remarks, though he’s practically yelling to be heard over the rainfall and water rushing down the street gutters.

“Lucky?” Joel repeats, indignant.

“Oh yeah, let’s talk about how lucky this weather is!” Grian yells. He’s leading them across the parking lot like he knows where he’s going. Water sluices across their shoes as they push uphill, flooding Jimmy’s sneakers.

“It absolutely could be worse!” Jimmy argues. As if on cue: a distant rumble of thunder.

“Shut it.” Joel says, pointing at Jimmy threateningly. “If we get struck by lighting and miss breakfast, Lizzie’ll kill me.” This is, of course, not the threat he wants it to be and Grian and Jimmy fall over each other with laughter. When they finally straighten up, Joel is ahead of them and they rush—Jimmy slipping and nearly falling—to catch up.

“Do you guys remember that episode of Mythbusters?” Jimmy asks, once he’s caught his footing—and his breath—a bit.

“Which episode?” Joel asks, not kindly. “They made a lot.”

“About running versus walking in the rain?” Grian asks.

“Yeah!” Jimmy exclaims. “You remember the conclusion? I don’t.”

“No,” Grian admits and Joel groans.

“Why’d you bring it up if you don't remember the conclusion?” he asks the sky, throwing his head back.

“I thought Grian might!” Jimmy protests but he’s drowned out by Joel making choking noises. They all stop immediately.

“I just swallowed so much rainwater.” Joel croaks, looking a little red but fine, and Jimmy has to laugh.

“Why would you look up when it’s raining?” Grian admonishes, but he’s rubbing the part of Joel’s back that isn’t covered by his bag.

“I wasn’t thinking.” Joel straightens up and Jimmy doubles over, laughing harder. “C’mon let’s keep moving.” He tugs Jimmy’s arm.

“He’s delirious.” Grian says, pushing Jimmy from behind.

Together, they push-pull Jimmy to the intersection before the campus entrance and, with barely a glance, decide to cross without waiting for the crosswalk light. There’s no traffic anyway and, unsurprisingly, no one else out as they make their way to Jimmy and Joel’s dorm.

They make one last turn and, as if on cue, the rain slows to a steady drizzle. Jimmy, too tired to be mad, tilts his head back to feel the rain across his face.

“This is fucking bullshit.” Joel gripes.

“You’re the one who wanted to leave right then.” Grian points out, his own tiredness removing the usual sharpness of his teasing edge.

“Oh I’m Grian and I can perfectly predict the weather.” Joel says mockingly, never too tired to be insulted.

Grian, of course, has to respond. “Oh, I’m Joel and I’m so worried my girlfriend’s gonna be mad at me I make my friends walk half a mile in the middle of a flood warning.”

Before Joel can reply, Jimmy steps between them and slings an arm over each of their shoulders. “I’m glad you’re here this weekend.” He says. He’s sleepy and a little too earnest and probably putting a little too much weight on his friends but he’s ridiculously happy to have his two best friends with him.

“Gross Tim,” Grian and Joel complain in unison, but neither of them move away.

By the time they’re squelching up the stairs and entering the dorm the rain has stopped completely. Joel and Jimmy’s room is illuminated by moonlight streaming in through the permanently broken blinds. Joel immediately starts spreading his notes out on the air conditioning unit to dry. Jimmy finds a pair of shorts and a t-shirt (that was probably Grian's to begin with) to give Grian to sleep in. He grabs his towel and slimy shower caddy and heads to the hall’s bathrooms.

When he gets back, there’s wet stuff everywhere and the room is starting to smell like wet dog and sweaty boys and old pennies. Whatever, that’s a problem for Monday Jimmy.

Jimmy pulls on the shorts and t-shirt he uses as pajamas and clambers onto his slightly too-tall bed. Grian’s already made himself comfortable and he squints, half-asleep, at Jimmy. “That’s my t-shirt,” he grumbles.

“Shush,” Jimmy replies, nudging Grian to the side so he can fully fit on his own bed. Grian, begrudgingly, accommodates him. Jimmy falls asleep tucked against Grian’s familiar frame, tired and happy and finally dry.

[menshusband]

— see this ring? you are worthy of it.

I feel so overwhelmed lately :(

Cw: my own depiction of a panic attack !

If you want to be part of my tagged list for my writing, let me know!

He could hear his gasps for air from the hallway down which he was sprinting as fast as his legs would allow him.

When he got to the toilets and figured out which stall they were in, he gently knocked on it and called their name.

“Can you hear me?”, he asked just a bit louder than his erratic breaths and sobs. As soon as he heard his voice, he tried his best to stifle and slow down his panting—he immediately recognised his efforts and the corners of his mouth turned upwards ever so slightly.

Soon after, the bathroom stall’s lock clicked open.

He calmly pulled it open to find that crying mess, who was none other than his groom-to-be. He carefully took their hands and tugged them out of the small cubicle. Tears would not stop streaming down their face whilst they all but tried to stop them. It was a heartbreaking sight.

His hands moved to dry his wet cheeks. “Hey, look at me. Look me in the eyes.”

After attempting to take in a deeper breath for the sake of their own lungs, they did as told, gripping onto his upper arms for dear life.

“I am here for you. I always will be. Because I love you.”

Before he could finish the sentence, he started shaking his head and tried to speak through his hiccups: “I- I- I’m- no-ot wo-r-th it-”

“You are.” was the stern reply that had them fall silent. Even their sobbing diminished, ears listening attentively.

His hand found theirs once more, focusing on the left one. He brought it up in front of both their faces. Feeling the way the ring he wore fit perfectly on its righteous finger, he continued:

“Do you see this ring? It is sitting on your finger at this very moment because you are worthy of it.”

He stared at him wide-eyed, almost astonished.

“I am right here, taking care of you, because you are worthy of it. I would drop any chore, any person, any task, any deal, if you ever needed my help, to aid you, because you are the most valuable and precious part of my entire life. And if that is hard to believe for you, I will gladly spend each and every day making you see just how much you mean to me.”

Their sore muscles relaxed with every word he spoke. They slowly felt their chest fill with a warm, comforting feeling.

But because words had instead become unhelpful to him, he just hugged him as he trembled. He held him so tight that he felt his backbones crack, but he could not care any less.

He had realised he was worthy of that beautiful ring, and that was what mattered most to him.

[unwashedace]

𝗖𝗪: mental health system, mental health struggles

I despise explaining to folks who have not struggled with the mental health system why it's inaccessible to get the help you need. I don't know how many times therapy has been recommended to me or a loved one like it was easy or accessible. Like we haven't begged and tried already.

While having a public mental breakdown in 2016/17 I was basically on my knees pleading to be put on a waiting list or to be seen by someone with a sliding-scale system with an already overwhelmed therapist and/or counsellor.

Therapy is expensive. I am doing an intake tomorrow & it's nearly $200 I can't afford. And they want me to sign a contract saying I can't leave them without TWO exit interviews that I again have to pay for. The insurance I get through my school is... pennies. I had a panic attack today because I know I need help so that I don't slide back to where I was 7 years ago.

Just stop telling people to go get therapy like it's a kookie catchphrase. It's unhelpful. It's really hard to find a therapist who is taking patients. It's hard to find a therapist who specializes in your needs. It's hard to find a therapist who takes your insurance. I only got to finally see a therapist in 2016 after I finally was taken to the hospital.

[vampiresuns]

I don’t know what’s possessing me to write this, maybe it’s bc I’m a ND with a planner, but I have come to the conclusion the main reason why Neurotypical people are so incredibly annoying and unhelpful about the planner and organisation advice is because they’re incapable of seeing organisation as a tool.

They see it as a solution when it very much has always been a tool. Which is why ND people and mental healthcare professionals who educate online change the How you organise vs. the traditional ways we’ve been told you have to organise, which cater to NT people only.

Because they understand it is a tool. Not a solution.

And it is always a tool. Whether you’re neurotypical or neurodivergent, regardless of any comorbidities you may have, regardless of gender and age, it stays a tool because its status as a tool is not dependent on who uses it, but on what is it for.

Let me explain, I’m a ND with a planner and I pretty much rely entirely on it, but I have also 1. begun steady treatment 2. did the work to identify how to work with my plethora of issues instead of against them. I know exactly what planner will work for me (big with space to visualise multiple things, plenty space for writing, allows a degree of customisation), which ones will not (I need a monthly and a weekly view, without these I’m doomed, and it cannot be pocket sized. I need space)

I also know exactly what will and won’t work with me for it. I don’t use it to keep a perfect life-work balance, or to keep track of my habits or my spending or literally anything else. I use it solely for reminders and to-do lists. Thinks I can scratch off. I do not care how many days of the week I exercised, how my mood was, or how many hours of the day there are. I have ADHD, and I have issues retrieving information, what I need from a personal organisation system is something that allows me to quickly access information, in order to avoid overwhelming myself with tasks, or that I can write things down in the moment in one single place.

Sometimes I don’t check what I write, or the notes I take. Sometimes I forget to write things down. Doesn’t matter. I use this for work, academic purposes and day to day house keeping. I will get overwhelmed if I don’t write down a single thing that I need to do and then go do it. I need to see it. I need to hold myself accountable some way.

Usually, I mentally have a record of most of what I need to do, or bc I have ADHD I will usually discover them throughout the day. But again, because I have fucking ADHD and GAD I will absolutely get overwhelmed. My medically backed up perfectionism that fuels half of my anxiety every single day will ally with my executive dysfunction issues, and they will best me.

Or I will forget. And they will still best me because I’ll either get decision or executive paralysis, become extremely guilty about not doing anything, and work myself into a panic, so on and so forth.

So I pick. Usually by vibes or by what I call “ADHD whimsy”. Instinctively, I usually know what I want to do first and what I don’t want to do first, sometimes if only because doing steps in one way feels more off than if I do it in another.

 I write it down. I go do that. I tick it off. I pick another thing. Or I write some lose objectives for the week or the day. I do not deadline me. But they’re there. Easy to retrieve. Easy to access.

Between capitalism, grind culture, ableism and the perpetual catering to NT people, people still think keeping organised will solve their problems. It will not because it’s not a solution. It is not related to the cause of your problems. Organisation won’t fix stress, mental loads, or give you a better life-work balance. Unless you address the cause of your stress or personal imbalance, organisation can only carry you so far.

Sure does help. ADHD does best me often but fuck me if I don’t love a good organisational system. But they won’t solve my ADHD. Honestly nothing will, the chemical imbalance is permanent, even if I’m medicated, but that is not my point. My point is after years of trying several of ill fated advice catered to NT people about organisation, I only became better at it and used it as an effective tool when I addressed the cause of my problems directly.

Disorganisation is not a cause. It is not a moral flaw. Disorganisation is a symptom, and when it comes to mental health and your general well-being what will help you is finding the cause of that symptom, not coping with it for the sake of coping with it

[crippleprophet]

I have brain damage too. (Stroke in 2018, that counts right? Also im not old, just unlucky ig) and I've been dealing with dystonia and spasticity in my right side, do you have any way of coping with movement disorders when you've tried literally everything and nothings helped?

omg hiii yes that absolutely counts!! we are pretty sure my issue is vascular as well although not as severe as a stroke, it’s basically a series of mini or partial strokes (“incomplete infarctions”). so major solidarity!!

could you clarify what you mean by coping – like physically adapting to symptoms, or emotionally dealing with the fact that nothing has worked? honestly i wish i had more advice for you but i am not doing super well at either so far 😅

as far as physically, my pcp gave me a muscle relaxer (tizanidine) that like, doesn’t stop my dystonia & involuntary movements but does make it less painful / less likely to get muscle cramps, and honestly it’s a plus that it makes me so sleepy because often my movement stuff makes it really difficult to sleep, so it can knock me out when i get desperate. that might already be on the list of stuff you’ve tried though so i’m sorry if that’s unhelpful!

emotionally like, i am super lucky because my gf & roommate are really anti-ableist & supportive so they help me with a lot, but it’s still just. really overwhelming especially when there isn’t much representation in disability spaces especially among young people.

while in practice i’ve found it more beneficial to refrain from separating my body from my “self”, i’ve kinda been shoehorning my experiences into media narratives of loss of bodily control in other ways, especially demonic possession because the stereotypical representation of that really resembles the types of involuntary movements i have. it’s a mixed bag & i definitely have complicated feelings about it lol.

i’m also really fortunate to have a couple friends with cerebral palsy & we’ve related a lot to each other’s experiences – there’s probably even more of an overlap with yours because my dystonia is usually, like, “between” more flailing-type involuntary movements rather than consistent on its own & i don’t experience much if any spasticity. but being able to joke about being afraid of breaking plates or spasming when you’re trying to have sex has been a huge source of comfort for me.

if people would be interested i’d be happy to make a super informal discord just to have a place to be like “wow this fucking sucks”? full disclosure i am super not cut out for like intensive Official Moderation shit more like just, this is a group chat & i just happen to be the one who made it, we’ve mutually agreed to be respectful, etc. & regardless, as always my dms + inbox are super open & i’m happy to share my discord if you wanna chat.

i wish i had more coping mechanisms to offer that aren’t just “loud music, sex jokes, & projecting onto sam winchester” lmfao but that’s where i’m at right now, tbh it’s just really comforting to hear from people dealing with the same shit even if there isn’t much we can do about it. again i’d love to talk more if you want & i’m super wishing you the best 💓💓

[kinnbig]

I haven't really been posting about the Build & Poi situation for my own sanity, but I do want to talk, quickly, about a couple of things.

I’m posting this for a couple of reasons. Firstly, because despite having said very, very little about this whole thing, I know that I've been marked as an "anti" and added to blocklists of people who are supposedly “hostile”; not just towards Build but also towards other people on this site who they disagree with; and I wanted to clear that up a bit. Secondly, because when Poi first spoke up I made a few posts talking about it, but I’ve been relatively quiet since. I don’t want anyone to think that I’ve ‘gone silent’ on the issue now. 

I’m not a particularly big blog. I don’t have a huge number of followers. But the number of anons I’ve received about this situation and the things I’ve heard are being said about me are unprecedented and honestly really overwhelming, and so I just wanted to make sure I’d said what I wanted to say.

Firstly, regardless of my opinion on Build - I want to emphasise that I have never been hostile or aggressive towards anyone else in regards to this situation (or at all!). I haven't been involved in hate campaigns, in spreading misinformation, or in targeting or gossiping about or sending hate to "pro-Build" accounts or to Build himself.

When Poi first spoke up, I expressed disagreement with those whose initial reaction was to immediately jump to Build's defence and accuse her of lying. I posted that Poi deserved to be believed, regardless of anyone's individual dislike of her as a person. I also mentioned that I thought responses of "I told you so" from people who had always disliked Build were unhelpful.

I have never said anything about people who chose to refrain from making judgement, who wanted to wait for more information, or who didn't have anything to say at all. 

Although I had my personal views, I also had nothing but sympathy and understanding for people who couldn't or didn't want to make judgments right away. I had been a big fan of Build's, but I had never been a 'stan', and I completely recognised how much more painful and emotional it must have been for those who were bigger fans than I was.

My only “disagreement” was with those responding to a woman accusing a man they liked of abuse by attacking her, and with those who responded almost gleefully to abuse allegations because they proved them right (though again, I didn't reference or argue with or mention any individuals in either case).

But I know that this has been enough to have me considered a "hostile Build anti". I know that there are many different blocklists circulating, and multiple different accounts and group chats and servers where people are talking about and being nasty about me and the other people on these lists.

I don’t want to get into this too much (lest I actually earn my label as hostile!), but it’s frankly terrifying that all it took for me to be branded as aggressive was posting that I believed Poi and that I disagreed with people attacking her. I was horrified that people would immediately jump to defend a man accused of abuse (not just saying they were waiting for more information, but defending him and immediately insisting the accusations must be lies), and the idea that this was considered some kind of radical stance for me to take is just… disgusting, honestly. 

It really, really upset me. Even if rationally, I’m aware that of all the blocklists to be on, the "didn't immediately jump to the defence of a man accused of abuse" blocklists are probably some of the better ones - it’s really fucked with me to see so many people in this fandom, including people I cared about and considered friends, responding in this way. 

It’s also very frustrating to know that a lot of the blogs publicly purporting themselves as “neutral” are very much not neutral, and are involved in spreading this “anyone who believed Poi is a radical, aggressive Build anti” narrative. 

I’m not singling out any individual person or blocklist or anything here. I’ve heard about many. But since I know these lists and conversations exist, but not exactly what is being said and to whom, I did just want to clarify that.

Secondly, I’m seeing a lot of passive aggressive “the antis are being incredibly silent about this…” or “where are all the highly moral justice seeking kp fans now?!” posts, and so no one can accuse me of suddenly going silent about this, I also wanted to mention my actual current position on this situation.

I am still not supporting Build.

I want to be clear, though, that I am not "pro-Poi". I have never been a fan of hers, and so she has never been able to "lose" my support.

I don't know if she was also toxic, if she said or did XYZ, if this piece of this phone-call proves this or that. I don't know! Nobody outside the situation does!

But unless there is some kind of irrefutable proof that the text message screenshots Poi posted - where she sent Build photos of her bruises, Build told her he didn't regret giving her them, and that he wanted to kill her - are 100% fabricated, then I cannot and will not support him.

Regardless of whether or not Poi was also a bad person.

Additionally, even in the (incredibly unlikely, imo) event that these messages turn out to have been fabricated, I would stand by my initial response to the situation. I will not apologise for believing someone who speaks about abuse, and for disagreeing with the people that immediately accused her of lying. 

Because even if in this case it turns out to not be the truth - the next time someone comes forward about a celebrity, it will be. And the next time. And the next time. There will always be devoted stans of celebrities determined to pick apart women’s stories and insist that they’re lying - and 99% of the time, they will be attacking a victim to defend someone violent. 

Finally - I’m sad. I don’t know how else to say this. I’m really, really sad about this whole situation. This whole thing has been incredibly emotionally exhausting. Hearing about it is painful, talking about it is painful, it’s all fucking awful and I’m a mess, honestly. It’s a horrific situation in itself, and then on top of it all I’m devastated about losing friends over it, losing a community over it. 

I know that I can come across quite detached (I’m sure this post reads like an essay rather than a text post on tumblr.com) but it’s my way of coping with it and feeling in control about what I say and how I express my emotions. It doesn’t mean I’m actually clinically distant or cold or not emotional or anything. I just don’t know how else to talk about it.

And I am happy to talk about it - but I’m not going to respond to anons about this situation anymore. If you want to talk about this, please feel free to DM me or send me an ask off-anon. But this isn’t something I can talk about with people who aren’t willing to put their names to what they’re saying.

I hope that makes sense.

[morningstar-chronicles]

okay good cause i CANNOT tell if this is just some tiktok bs i've retained or could genuinely be an issue

Is it bad to have a lot of DR's? I have about 15 places I'd like to go to and at least 5 ones I've connected to the most. I heard this could be bad since it's hard to focus/connect with the energy of one DR and you should focus on getting to one before you get others. Also because you'd be too overwhelmed to shift to them all. Is this true? Should I just pick one DR to focus on? I think this is the main reason I haven't been shifting, cause like all the wondering yk?

hi!! having a lot of DRs isn't really a problem imo. it would help me personally to have a set order of which ones i shift to first, etc. and so on, but that's just a personal preference of mine for sure.

i think the most important thing about your shifting journey is feeling super connected to wherever it is you want to shift to, so maybe just go with whichever DR you're feeling most connected to at the moment for each attempt.

sorry if this was unhelpful lol i have adhd and i obsess over like. one DR at a time super strongly and then switch DRs when i get sick of it (as you can tell by my super short "active" DR list lmao)

[francesderwent]

After like three days of thinking, if you're still open to offering adulthood advice, the plague of my existence: how the fuck do you decide what to make for dinner (including the 'what should I put on my meal plan list?' step)?

this is a hard one, because the short answer is basically just "vibes"

let's try to break it down at least into some tips, though.

in my house, any time we try a new meal or version of a recipe, everyone casts a vote: "I would do it again" or "I wouldn't do that again". this is usually done in a melodramatic way and turned into a playful fight. strict democratic majority doesn't always win if the cook is in the minority, but it's a start. meals that people would do again get added to the List.

the List has abso-fucking-lutely every communally edible meal on it. meals that are close variations on each other are all included. the List is sorted by categories like "chicken", "beef", "pork", "vegetarian", "pasta", like a cookbook. sides and desserts are not on it. you could make a separate list for them but it's not as important and wouldn't be a capital L List.

if you're looking at your List and it's pitiful, try out some of your favorite meals' cousins! not just white people taco night, but enchiladas! different stir-fry sauces! and then try some terrifying american casseroles with too much cheese and some canned cream soup!! they ain't bad!!!! look at different crockpot meats for ciabatta sandwiches, french dip et al! stuff your chicken breast with something!! go nuts!

do not consult the List when you have just eaten a full meal. do not consult the List when you are in the process of cooking a meal and your whole house smells deliciously like that food, so that the question "What would everyone like to eat this week?" is inevitably met with "idk the thing I'm smelling right now"

pose the question, "What would everyone like to eat this week?" take suggestions. write them down.

supplement these suggestions (or your blank sheet of paper if people are feeling unhelpful) with meals from the List. in my house, we cook...a lot.....like...six days a week. so when we're making a list we aim for one meal with pasta, one with rice, one Asian, one Mexican, one soup (or two in winter), a grilled meal in summer, with no more than two beefs. we try not to repeat anything sooner than three weeks, or we'll get tired of it and ruin it for much longer than three weeks. depending on what AcTiViTiEs we've got planned for the week we'll plan a crockpot meal or a sauce/soup we have in the freezer for that night. you want to balance your weekly plan with some less intensive meals so you don't get overwhelmed.

we arrange our meals into a Plan, but it's not set in stone. we were supposed to have sloppy joes on Tuesday but the meat accidentally was frozen and we didn't have time to thaw it out so we had chicken fajitas instead. not the end of the world.

and the true tip from the Cate Clan: always have pancake/waffle mix in the pantry and a frozen pizza in the freezer, so if you can't bear to make a full meal you have easy options.

[titoist]

i feel very "fucked up" tonight. there's no real describing how it feels, i ought. i can list the variables: dry tongue, warm forehead, tired eyes, a total sense of subjective suffocation, labored breaths. but this would be unhelpful at drawing a full picture of the situation at hand, amounting only to pointing at various different isolated occurrences & attempting to gesture some sort of condition from that. & i could perhaps try to isolate some specific feeling, but it would do no further to actually portray how i feel. i feel like i am constructed of rotten flesh, that is my subjective condition. i feel like i am under attack by a reality that wants to destroy me at all times, who's end goal is turning me into nothing, that is my subjective condition. i feel that the world loathes me & i am utterly confused & overwhelmed by it all beyond reprieve, that is my subjective condition. i feel that it is not even an emotion, not a feeling that can be calmed or soothed or assuaged with words, that my state of mind is actually far above it all, but that it is a concrete matter of affairs, a reflection of my very real environment. i feel as if most days i am in a completely emotionally basal state, a dead mind, that if i were of even a slightly different disposition that i would have snapped at every single second of every single hour of every single day for the past few years. i feel that these are not problems to do with my own self - but rather, the result of being beholden to a world that rejects me totally & utterly. i feel a total lack of any avenues, the only possible way out in sight having been a sort of deus ex machina to begin with, that now only choice now is to sit down & let moss overtake me. i feel that i have seen it so many times, again & again, ad infinitum. it cannot be soothed with words, so one inevitably turns inwards. so many turning to suicide over factors that they never had any control over to begin with. &, in a way, it starts to feel hopeless, totally futile. i do concretely feel that i am particularly incapable of ever committing to suicide, of course - harming myself feels like the most total form of humiliation that this world could impose upon you. but i do concurrently know that i've spent far more time dwelling on it than i believe any one person realistically should. but most of all, beyond all of these secondary factors, my subjective condition consists of the urge to so totally elaborate upon how miserable it all feels, to lay it all down in such undeniable & uncertain terms, that one finds themselves unable to counter it - unable to even begin to soothe or console me. i want to so unequivocally elaborate upon this misery, so that it is beyond rebuke. but it's all too sad, too bleak. so i have to choose to forget. i have to think about the total innocence to be found in birdsong. i have to think about the bliss to be found in watching the sunlight peek through the swaying leaves. i have to think about the tree in my garden, & the white & orange dotted stray cat who occupied it one winter ago exactly, & the way that (as i am typing this) it is shaking in the wind. likewise, i have to stop and think about the many people that i've loved, those dead & those living, and the various places in my life that i reckon i'll remember forever. most of all, though, i have to lay down, & hope that i'll wake up to the innocence of birdsong.

[adoctorx]

Recovering from chronic stress is possible. Lifestyle modifications, relaxation routines, and reframing unhelpful thoughts are all strategies that may help reduce the long-term effects of stress. Getty Images/Jordi Salas Stress happens when your mind or body perceives a threat or challenge. It can be physical or psychological, and all stressors may initiate the stress response. The cascade of physiological changes from stress — like increased heart rate and hormone stimulation — is designed to help you overcome adversity. Short-term stress (acute stress) can be helpful by promoting alertness and readiness. Stress that persists too long (chronic stress) could lead to a stress feedback loop, where psychological stress causes physical symptoms, and physical symptoms may intensify psychological stress. While stress is a natural part of life, managing it effectively can prevent and remedy long-term health effects. Read more about the difference between acute and chronic stress. Strategies to manage and recover from chronic stress Chronic stress can lead to feelings of burnout and mental exhaustion. It can also contribute to long-term health complications, like cardiovascular disease and metabolic disorders. Even when stressors can’t be avoided altogether, managing chronic stress and recovering from its negative effects is possible. The following tips may help. Identify and reduce stressors While you can’t always make big changes to decrease stress right away, there may be other causes and stressors within your immediate control. Everyone’s different, and you may want to start with a list of things you are currently concerned about or know are triggers. Once you identify these, you may want to flag those you think you can do something about. Cutting back on some expenses, for example, might help reduce financial strain. Or getting into meal prepping might take away late-night dinner frustration. It all depends on your needs and lifestyle, but other possible stress-managing strategies may include: taking a break from social media and the news if these affect your mood reducing loud noises and bright lights in your workspace to promote a soothing environment auditing your meetings and declining some non-urgent invitations or requests checking emails and notifications at set times during the day delegating chores to other family members or asking for help if some of these overwhelm you Make lifestyle modifications Your mind and body are interconnected. Focusing on your physical health may promote mental well-being and help you recover from chronic stress. Getting plenty of physical activity, eating a balanced diet, and prioritizing quality sleep are often effective lifestyle essentials. Sometimes referred to as “lifestyle medicine,” these beneficial habits directly reduce stress through pathways like hormone regulation and can also indirectly manage stress by decreasing the chance of health complications later in life. Lifestyle modifications that may help you recover from chronic stress include: moving more throughout the day adding an exercise routine that you enjoy and gets your heart pumping limiting processed foods and focusing on fresh ones whenever possible optimizing your sleep routine staying socially connected with supportive peers getting help for substance use staying hydrated keeping up with medical check-ups if possible Add relaxation into your routine Engaging in relaxation techniques can help you counteract persistent stressors and recover from chronic stress. Everyone is different when it comes to relaxation. You might enjoy music, for example, or taking regular walks. Someone else might find artistic creation (like sewing, painting, sculpting, or writing) restorative. The key is to add these calming, enjoyable experiences into your life often, maybe daily or weekly, even if for only 10 minutes. Relaxing activities to consider include:

practicing mind-body arts (yoga, Tai Chi) learning deep breathing exercises engaging in grounding techniques doing progressive muscle relaxation using self-massage meditating gardening playing games or doing puzzles playing sports joining book clubs going on outdoor adventures (hiking, rafting, mountaineering) trying home DIY projects (painting, remodeling, decorating) organizing picnics and relaxing outings with loved ones Reframe your thoughts Cultivating a positive mindset may help reduce the negative emotional effects of chronic stress. According to a 2019 study, positive affect is protective in situations of chronic stress against symptoms of major depressive disorder (MDD) and social anxiety disorder. Positive affect refers to experiencing and expressing positive emotions when interacting with your environment. These emotions may include joy, pride, interest, and enthusiasm. Your affect influences how you think, and what you think may influence how you feel. How you feel and think has a direct effect on your stress response. If your thoughts keep you from engaging positively with your environment, professional support may help. You can work to change unhelpful thoughts into beneficial patterns of thinking with the guidance of a mental health professional. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a framework of psychotherapy used for that exact purpose. A regular gratitude practice may also help you switch your focus to positive thoughts and emotions. You can try writing down a few things you’re grateful for each morning to start your day on a positive note. How quickly can you recover from chronic stress? Stress is an individual experience, and while recovery is possible, there’s no set timeline for chronic stress recuperation. The causes and duration of stress, how you cope with stress, your support systems, your emotional resources, and the environment you live in all matter. Recovery from chronic physical stress may depend on your specific health status or the presence of any injuries or permanent functional changes. For some people, chronic physical stress may improve when they stop doing the stressful activity. If physical stress is related to surgery or a medical condition, asking a healthcare professional about management options may help. Psychological stress may also improve as the stressor is avoided. For example, if you have job burnout, changing the work conditions or finding a new job may help you recover quicker from the effects of chronic stress. Other times, such as with traumatic experiences, the effects of stress may last for years after the actual event. Working with a mental health professional can help you develop coping skills and implement recovery strategies. Chronic stress prevention tips Chronic stress prevention looks similar to ongoing stress management and recovery. Addressing stressors early can limit negative physical and mental effects over time. Chronic stress management techniques that can be used as prevention work include: developing new time-management skills, like dividing tasks into smaller goals effectively delegating responsibilities boosting your communication skills to build strong interpersonal connections making your home and work environment calm and comfortable setting and maintaining personal boundaries finding a work-life balance that allows for personal time away from your job duties seeking professional guidance for financial difficulties working with a mental health professional to develop new coping skills Recognizing the warning signs Recognizing the early signs of chronic stress is an important part of prevention. Chronic stress indicators to watch for include: unusual and persistent irritability changes in sleep patterns (sleeping more or less than usual) unexplained body aches and pains persistent fatigue or low energy difficulties with concentration or memory

reduced work or school performance social withdrawal digestive changes frequent headaches muscle tension unexplained changes in weight or appetite sudden anxiety episodes that aren’t typical for you Takeaway Chronic physical or psychological stress can have lasting impacts on your health and well-being. Recovery is possible, but the causes of stress, your individual coping skills, and available support all matter. Prevention and recovery from chronic stress involve many of the same strategies. Focusing on healthy lifestyle modifications, engaging in relaxation habits, and encouraging positive mindset development, for example, are multi-purpose initiatives.