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mushroomnoodles · 5 months

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its no problem at all- i quite love your comments! this does, however, make me want to go into some further detail on simon's journey and emotional state and just.. events during his pregnancy with morrigan. granted, i'm no writer- i'm much more of an artist, but i guess this kinda stuff has me thinking a lot? so sorry if it's weird.

tw for the sfw and non kink mpreg talk ofc, also i touch on simon being depressed and feeling like a burden again. but there's fluff in there too i swear! not tagging this under art because.. i didn't actually draw anything but myself. lol

i think something i find really fascinating, especially from personal experience, is how hard it is to change your frame of mind. it takes long, consistent effort, and you generally have to want to do it. simon becomes pregnant with morrigan, oh.. i don't know, 6-10 months after the events of F + C? he's 60 years old, physically at least. he's going to therapy and staying away from the bar, he's going outside for walks to get that sunlight and appreciate nature.

then GOLBetty dumps a baby in him. simon isn't instantly attached to the baby yet- this whole thing is sudden and terrifying. his mind is racing with thoughts of some terrifying chaos entity inside him, because god knows it's not a normal child with the way pb's equipment has been literally blown to smithereens at the mere attempt to monitor the fetus.

but he's refusing to terminate the pregnancy, because betty had to have wanted this for him if she did it. they wanted kids before everything happened, and she did so much for him- gave up her ambitions, her body, her humanity- she was asking this one thing from him, and it was the absolute least he could do in return.

also.. betty's not coming back. ever. not as his betty. this is a piece of her she's given to him. a parting gift. how could he ever let that go?

even at risk of death or worse, he couldn't bring himself to do it. and simon starts to struggle again, even if he tries to resume his life- he's so hyperaware of this thing growing inside him, and because of its mother he doesn't dare say or announce anything. he agrees with pb on that part- carrying a child of GOLB(etty) is definitely not something any of them want to make public.

he refuses minervabot's therapy in fear she'll detect his pregnancy, or worse, fucking explode.

simon's so guilty and yet so determined by his sense of duty to betty- betty wouldn't do this if she knew it would destroy ooo, he rationalizes, she wouldn't do this if it would kill him, surely? (golbaby, aware unbeknownst to simon, hears his fretting and decides to take a form that closely resembles his own, because they don't want to scare him.)

but simon's a dad at heart. of course he's going to warm up to the baby. and subconsciously, constantly defending betty's decision (to the girls and in his mind) slowly wears down his apprehension, too. and then he finally feels golbaby kick and it's scary because it's new but it's nothing like he thought it was going to be if he was carrying some.. inherently evil chaos entity his deepest fears (and pb, gently) were telling him it was. (not that he wouldn't have loved it in some degree anyway. look at him.) it was more.. just like a gentle reminder that the thing in him is, y'know, alive. like.. alive. it's just a little guy. huh.

and suddenly it's not really about betty's wish as much, it's about.. like.. getting ready to be a parent to this little guy inside him! and there is so much to do and prepare for. even with golbaby's powers sparking up and effecting the world around him in bizarre ways, simon is more and more convinced that it's just.. a baby. a baby what, he had no clue, but it was a baby, and it was going to be his.

but simon is still shutting down his life around him, because he has to. he's getting bigger and he can't really hide his pregnancy constantly anymore. he shuts down his exhibit and has to go out hunched over in his big ass bulky coat, and it's not too long before he simply leaves the human city altogether, because golbaby is fucking with any machine he passes by. and he's not about to be like, "oh no, i'm not trying to break your stuff, i'm just pregnant with the offspring of the most powerful cosmic entity known and it's an unfortunate side effect. sorry"

being alone is hard! especially when the pregnancy symptoms got worse he just found himself missing betty, not just in the normal way but the, yknow, you knocked me up and i could really use some emotional support way. but also in the please god i just wanna be a little spoon rn way. marceline was there for him (assured him he could call her anytime, too) but he wasn't calling her as much as he should. he didn't want to bug her too much. he knew the whole ordeal was freaking her out anyway, and he tended to keep his innermost thoughts to himself when she'd take him out to see pb. pb wasn't helping either, and neither was constantly seeing the effect the baby had on her equipment.

seeing yourself as something other than a burden and an outcast is a hard thing to get rid of, and sometimes he'd just cling to that idea of pushing onwards because somebody is relying on him now- even when the depression had its really bad point simon was pushing himself to take care of himself because golbaby was depending on him to. he still dragged himself to the store to buy groceries and shit, just for his kiddo. this idealogy didn't last- that he was simply going on because his baby needed him to, but it was a good way to keep his head above the water. simon feeling as though he has a purpose keeps him going through extremely difficult times.

things look up again when unexpectedly fionna and cake pay a visit to his new place in the woods. he tries to hide that he's pregnant- he has been since the start, but it doesn't work in person. he kinda breaks down and has a heart to heart with fionna, and they just sort of end up having tv dinners while sitting on the kitchen floor with cake as a pillow.

it gives him some time out of his head. helps him remember all that stuff minerva told him about handling his feelings and coping with them. he goes back to his walks (and getting that sweet sunshine) and i particularly enjoy imagining him awkwardly asking marceline if she wants to come over for dinner.. he has this board game he wants to try and he needs two people..

he finally says yes to the clothes shopping offer too after a while, and fionna keeps in close touch with him to make sure he's doing ok! simon loves listening to her stories and whatever is happening in his little brain universe. plus, he actually goes out and eats or shops sometimes! wow! he bought a lava lamp! cool!

and even when pb ends up placing that seal on him, he keeps his head up and focuses on those things to keep his mood and social life up because he's not about to let himself go back to that state of being again. you got this dr petrikov.

plus, when pb finally builds a machine that can handle golbaby's power and he finally, finally gets to hear their little, very much human heartbeat? he is over the fucking moon. getting to see that ever so fuzzy outline of the baby on the sonogram? serotonin +10000. there it is! simon doesn't happy cry often but he was happy bawling holding that little picture like a lifeline.

(side note, fionna is very entertained by how sassy he gets during the last few months of his pregnancy when golbaby is sealed. simon's filter is slacking. marceline's pretty amused, too.)

he feels like he can hold his own again, sort of, i guess? and golbaby is very much still his purpose, but he knows just being alive is good enough. maybe he still doesn't entirely believe it yet, but he keeps saying it aloud and in his brain so eventually he will.

uh, i was a human being who also felt like i had to have purpose to justify living. soo.. the ups and downs of the journey are important to me, cause i had them too! i'm still growing and learning (and i have a lot of work to do, i'm pretty young) but. idk. shakes simon around like a chew toy

#sona reveal?#prismocore lowkey #cw mpreg #hc moment #nothin but words #little nervous about posting this idk why #looks at floor

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monstertsunami · 7 months

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im so glad to see youre Also handling the finale well!!!!!!!!!!! <- coping

YEAH WE R SO FUCKED . IM FUCKED IN THEHEAD

ok official thoughts under cut- spoilers, obviously

im not a big fan of shitting on shows like oh it woudlve been better if it was Like This Instead like. thats kind of dick behavior to me so prefacing with i DID like the finale it was good :3 i liked how most of it was executed ! and overall it was satisfying ! its really uncool to approach a story with hate in your heart and not even give it a chance. HOWEVER. i have devoted the past 2 weeks of my life to going fucking BONKERS about simon/(gol)betty so i do unfortunately have opinions on how they handled thaaat. like . i literally made a post abt this yesterday- moving on just isnt a good solution to their arc !!!!!!!!!!!!!! i get where it comes from and the message its trying to get across but its just . why ! whats with this therapy-ization of modern characters ! Every Slightly Unhealthy Couple MUST Break Up And Theres No Such Thing As Improving Relationships And Talking About Problems Or Rebuilding Together. AFTER EVERYTHING SHE DOES FOR HIM, JUST WHEN THEYRE BOTH FINALLY SANE AND TOGETHER AGAIN AFTER CENTURIES SHE JUST . GIVES UP . SIMON HAS MATURED, AND IS CLEARLY IN A PLACE TO LISTEN TO HER AND REMEDY HIS MISTAKES. BECAUSE HE ACKNOWLEDGES THE ISSUES ! THAT THEY HAD ! HE LITERALLY SEES THE PROBLEM AND IS LIKE OH MAN THAT WAS REALLY FUCKED UP OF ME . BUT THE SHOW DOESNT EVEN GIVE THEM A *CHANCE* TO TRY AND MAKE IT WORK AGAIN . I FULLY BELIEVE THAT THEY DID LOVE EACH OTHER! A LOT! SIMON JUST WASNT PERCEPTIVE THAT SHE WAS DOING SO MUCH FOR HIM AND IT LEAD TO BOTH THEIR DOWNFALLS- THAT IS LITERALLY FIXABLE. im just saying it wouldve taken one conversation MAX to fix this issue, AND GOLBETTY WAS CLEARLY READY TO TALK TO HIM?? LIKE HE ALREADY LEARNED HIS LESSON TOO . SO WHY . AUGH. "THE GOLBETTY BUS IS ABOUT HOW SHES MOVING ON TO A PLACE HE CANT FOLLOW" BITCH SHE IS A GOD OF CHAOS WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE MOVING ON TOO. LIKE HE IS LITERALLY ALL SHE HAS CONNECTING HER TO REALITY. SHES GONNA GO TO CHAOS GOD THERAPY? BITCH? IM NOT SAYING LIKE "IN A REGULAR RELATIONSHIP YOU *CAN* FIX HIM DONT GIVE UP KEEP SACRIFICING GIRL!" BUT NOT ONLY IS THIS IS VERY DIFFERENT BUT SHES NOT SACRIFICING ANYTHING ANY MORE . HES JUST FINALLY READY TO LISTEN. AND *THATS* WHEN SHE LEAVES. FUCK. OFF. AUGH. so overall umm i really liked all the golbetty scenes and . i thought they were really cool episodes :) i liked how a the rest of it was handled actually! and i will be wiping the conclusion of their arc from my mind :3

i will be posting gifsets/hq screencaps of my sexy big nonverbal wife on my sideblog @huge-wife later so keep . an eye out for that!!

#boss makes a dollar i make a dime thats why i answer asks on company time #like i know she couldnt actually TELL him things bc shes fucking golb #but he understood . he apologized . theres literally no reason for this to have happened after that #i just feel like it wouldve been a way better concusion to their arc if he just apologized and said hed do better #and then they pine for each other from across the universe . maybe even visit on weekends #and thats just the HEALTHY ALTERNATIVE. that the showrunners CLEARLY WOULD PREFER. TO THE OTHER TOXIC THEMATIC TRAGIC ALTERNATIVES.#petrigrof authors please start writing canon divergent stuff its the only way i can cope PLEASEE #fionna and cake #fionna and cake spoilers #f&c spoilers #adventure time #simon petrikov #betty grof #golbetty #petrigrof #schizobabble #it fits. IT FITS VERY WELL. SORRY FOR BEING INSANE

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niuniente · 11 months

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So I have just read your response about how to approach story telling, or at least how you do it specifically. And I just want to thank you for point eight, about 'It's not that deep - unless you wish it.'

I've always been ashamed that I made ocs but couldn't produce plot points for their personal stories. Like people talk about breaking their characters to make them develop, but I could never do that. Because I struggle so often, I didn't want my characters to. I just wanted my characters to live the life that I can't. But I also wanted to overcompensate because I felt like I wasn't doing them justice.

While it's not the popular opinion to have that be the way I approach creation, I do appreciate that you don't say it's a bad thing to not want things to be deep. So thank you, really.

You're welcomed!

I think the people who are very interested in character development typically either enjoy it tremendously or are (intentionally or unintentionally) using their art as a self-therapy. Both valid ways of doing art, as well as not being interested in character development or therapy art.

Sometimes the character development is and can be small and it's OK. People tend to call just finding new things about the character also a character development. Put them in new situations and see how they react and act.

Some characters are iconic for what they are and you don't even expect deep character development from them. Terminator is Terminator and you know with 100% certainty what to expect when you deal with Terminator - sure, he can be programmed differently for different needs but it's not exactly character development on its own if you ask me. Dracula is Dracula, Rambo is Rambo, Predator is Predator and Morticia Adams is Morticia Adams.

It's nothing unheard of that trying to develop the character because you should makes the character unrecognizable or OOC regarding what has been going on until now within the story.

In Nemesis the Warlock comic, the protagonist Nemesis is pictured as a good willed man, who does his best to resist racist humans and save other alien species. He doesn't really care about humans per se but is fine with a human being his right hand helper. His intentions are to save alien species from humans and bring peace to the universe. He's a liked friend and a loved husband and trying his best as a father.

This is about the half way of the series until creator(s) decide to develop Nemesis more. Turns out that Nemesis is actually just a bored demi-God who loves to play hide and seek with his human enemy. That he doesn't care about anyone or anything else but his own joy and boredom. He isn't interested in saving anyone and he literally manipulates his human friend, too, for his own benefit. This is explained as "Well, I'm just a chaos's being, deal with it, I never said I was good".

See what I mean? Go to far, try to force the development (and explain everything) and you can, without wanting it, break your character or the story - or both! If you make a character go a complete opposite of themselves, there has to be a reason for it. Not like in Nemesis "Well, I'm just like this". No, dude, you were literally the exact opposite for years and still just a second ago. What happened? Well, nothing, creator(s) just decided to add a shock value and develop the character because?????

You want your character to live the life you'd want? Wonderful, that's enough! That's how Sailor Moon was born and is all about. The creator was lonely, so she drew a comic of girls being friends, that kind of friends she wished she'd also have.

It's a valid reason to make a comic. Or anything! Nothing needs to be deep but it can be if wanted.

#ask niu #creativity

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eternalhealingau · 6 months

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Eternal Healing…

an oc x canon (w/ sfw mpreg) ship au (Introductory Chapter)

This is gonna be what sets up the rest of the AU. Please read it if you wanna get the idea of what's to come in the future...... highly highly recommend and I could not say it enough. (THIS IS MY OWN ART BTW: DO NOT STEAL//ASK FOR PERMISSION//DO NOT USE FOR AI PURPOSES FTLOG)

Begins below the cut....

It wasn't truly known to the multiverse but there was one bubble that seemingly came from nowhere. It had a chaotic signature. But no golb energy. Free from the chaos that came before it and yet totally filled with it. A sign that this universe didn't seem to go by the standards of that which the others had maintained by some weird "out-of-mortal-reach" standpoint.

Prismo turned to it from surfing around. His eye sparkling as he notices it's uniqueness from every other universe he's tapped into...... Yet it has peaked some interest. He looks deeper into it. Mythological kinds resembling the greeks...modernized? There were literal gods roaming the earth? How can that be? He searches deeper into this universe. Seeing a captivating story unfold. He knows the stories of the old from the creation myth to the herculean and odyssey. But one had stuck out from the rest. The Moiraios Pateras. The fated father. From skimming through the universe's timeline a silhouette appears on the screen. Tall, muscular, pierced, tatted and rather low-key in their demeanor. A pink aura surrounded them. Suggesting feminine qualities. But by their wrists, pure golden rings. They seemingly smoked a cigarette as one of their signature pieces of who they are. What made them, themself in their image of godhood. Without notice, he gets a call from Fiona. His attention being interrupted as he hears a frantic and albeit a little anxiety ridden tone. "Prismo! You gotta help us! Simon's been silent for the past few months. I've tried calling him, texting him, everything! But when I went over to his place, he barged the house and how he's gone fucking coo coo!! HE'S BEEN TRYING TO SUMMON BETTY AGAIN!" More frantic noises came from the other line. Old man whining, a gruff sounding Cake trying to keep him still and Fiona seemingly grunting from exertion in an effort to pin him down, keeping him from going completely haywire. Fuck it's a relapse. Therapy didn't do the trick for his ability to move on, did it? His expression drops without a second thought and quite worried for them, Prismo summons them.

All of them looked like they'd belong in a bowl of ramen they were so intertwined. Simon's head only appearing out from beyond two legs as he was squeezed tight from Cake's body. Squirming to be let go so he could 'finish what he started'. And if his wet cat appearance didn't already shock you enough, he looked even more rugged. His eye bags far more definite, white eyes still crazed out of their mind, spit almost running from the mouth, hair matted and frizzled, even his outfit was either halfway worn or was nearly completely off. Leaving him nearly naked. Jeez Simon you sure relapsed into your own self-made insanity there. Finally when he was able to be let loose, he scattered to the screen and slammed his back against it. Hyperventilating. Not even thinking about where he was. The duo meanwhile, felt almost sick to their stomach seeing him nearly more close in line to the refrigerator version of himself. Just more alive and....writhing with an overactive conscious. Cake looked back up to her blonde companion and bit her lip. Asking a question that seemed a little too harsh but had a point to be driven across. "Do you think he might have a mild case of rabies, girl?" Fiona shook her head as she looked at him. Her own emotions and conscious fighting for supremacy as much as Cake's was. The hairs and fur on both of their bodies standing up finally taking his insane form in for a look once again.

The old grunt seemingly calmed down a little bit before realizing where he was and nearly crying. Sulking in his depression once more. He was so close, nearly there....but it was just no use. He tried so hard for his love. But fate still has its ways of teaching him. Even if he wanted to checkmate fate any way he could. Even by trying to summon her one final time. But looking around, trying to make his thoughts clear even if his emotions didn't want him too, he notices a deeply concerned Prismo with a pensive look to him. "You just couldn't handle the wait.... could you?" He spoke. The old man simply looked to his side. Not wanting any confrontation at the moment. But, time pushed on. And with time, came more conservations and desperate hopes to get him to talk. "Simon, you know that what you did wasn't gonna work out, right?" Still with the silence. His heart ached with each little word spoken before him. He couldn't bear to keep a front, but if he wanted to return to what he was doing earlier, then he had to stick it out. But doing that he made himself look like a toddler in denial. Still......, with one more question. "Betty won't return again, man. You remember?"

"...I clearly do. And I have no regrets to everything I've done thus far." He bit his lip as he growled at him with tears. "Can't you just let an old man live to see his wife in some other way--" Simon gets cut short by Prismo interrupting him. "Ah ah ah.. Nope. Not having this conversation. She's gone dude. Her next life is a comet now that she's been..... given a chance by some other entity."

Simon put his head in his knees, not wanting to face Prismo or his neighboring companions for all he cared. Again, the conversation needed momentum and the multiverse watcher wasn't gonna let up. Nor was he gonna shy away from the truth as Fiona and Cake watched in heartbroken blunder. "Can't you see the reality to this situation that you've made...?" A long silence befell everyone in the room. The big screen fizzled out to the universe still being watched. Now just focusing on the present moment that was going on there. No one batted their gaze. Just focusing on Simon. Prismo sighed. "You relapsed dude....."

From that point on, Simon finally bursted into tears and flopped onto the ground. Prompting Cake to shapeshift into a big bean bag for him to rest upon lazily. Fiona was right over to lend him a hand to hold and a person to be comforted by. "Let it out dude....it's okay." His cries turned ugly as he continued forth trying his damnest to recount his memories of Betty while being faced with his crippling reality check. He finally was able to let the mental and emotional wound be opened once more. Cleaned by tears that were dying to come out. It was freeing but the effects were soul crushing.

....

they nearly stayed like that for fifteen minutes.... just comforting an old man who was close to them by their friendship. Prismo in the meantime was configuring how to fix this situation. Coming up dry every time he thought of something? Erasing golb statues? Simon would be the only one to know of such an object. Displacing memories? He'd be back to his insane half. Destroying the crown? Nigh. Wouldn't work as something was gonna be out there to trap it or harness it for other purposes anyways.

Still, Simon would have a minuscule chance of finding it and Prismo was not willing to run that risk in the moment. But his eye keeps darting towards the screen. Seeing the universe that he skimmed to. Could there be a way to send him there so he could be pushed to move forward? Move forward and be done sulking entirely? Because if this forces a habit onto him then his mind would change finally. But he'd still be the only one to know about the Golb nonsense he put himself through.....tough choices man..... tough choices.

Alas, after minutes of hearing Simon trying to come back to a more calm state, Prismo just decides to roll with this risky idea. "I may or may not have a plan. That doesn't involve the golb or Betty. Simon." He batted an eye towards the cowering and sulking individual. Now wiping his snot with Fiona's shirt. Gross. The dark brunette to ravenette looked back up. Tears still in his eyes but a more ready and accepting energy seemed to come to mind. It's like this was the 'it' moment that Simon was wishing would come sooner. Like death or something similar. He nods.

"What if I send you into this world...?"

The team immediately looks back up at the screen and notices the scenery. It started out looking much to the chagrin of the Alamo. But instead of its walls being an aged stone, they looked freshly painted to an old former glory not seen since the 1700s during Spanish Colonialism. But instead of hispanic culture, it looked a little greek. You had your spanish influence from the riverwalks, but there was a bonus added on flair of grecian flavor. The river's banks had fairies of multiple pastel hues ranging from a what's seemingly common pink, to a rare case of a pure ashy grey. They hid into some of the trees to keep their distance from humans below. But when they were in the water, it seemingly looked like they bathed at night. Amidst the moonlight.

Simon feels something billow in his lower stomach as he watched. It was suuuupper faint. But it felt like nothing but a small nervous tickle. He pushed it aside as the scenery continued to be shown.

Another shift in the screen and it showcased a piece of more rural texas lit up by a pink colored festival. Dancing and parading in the area, with tailgating and campsites established. Very Woodstock reminiscent but also more closely in tune with a big get together of locals that came for the party. What was in mind, was again, more pink colored motifs. More moon imagery and what was more strange is that the men themselves in some cases.... looked as if they 'carried' children too. Was there some sort of magic enabling cross-biological pregnancies? It piqued his interest but racked his levels nervousness.

Once more, another shift. This time it was in the summertime months. It looked hot and it decided to feature a pool party happening at some mansion in the middle of the city on a ranch. The greek flags were held high, the texan one flew same height and no sight of an american one. Very prideful people it seemed. From the noise, it felt like a family get-together. The people there were more mature in their looks. Taller than an average mortal. By several feet at most. It brought Simon's emotions back down to a level of ease as he saw how comfortable they all were together.

One of the members wielded thunder as well as a very jovial and horny personality, one of them wielded water with a trident ordained with a cool demeanor, another one naturally liked to practice boxing on one of the trees in the backyard. A few of the women in this huge family get together seemed busty and pale in complexion. They all had either white to grey hair, soft features and a soft demeanor. Sensitive and doting. Delighting in the pool, they seemed to be resting on someone's shoulders. Their hands swirled around this one's shoulders. They looked tatted, couldn't give less of a shit, looked like they had hoes and yet had no sexual drive to carry on. Smoking a cigarette they let these women of sorts hug them. Not hindering in enjoying some sweet affection. But they all conversed like they were family. Questions like, 'so did you find him yet?' 'is there anyone in particular?' 'when will the new age begin? I-err... we! can't be waiting like this~!' Their eyes were grey, with dark brown hair. They even had pierced lips, a septum nosering, eyebrow and ear studs. This person sounded nothing like a man but leaned close to that margin. "I have no clue, just enjoy the time we got for right now y'all. It may feel like hell but we'll be outta here at some point." They cackled.

Simon's heart started to beat a tiny little bit more. Like he's taken interest already. But, he's barely met this woman...man....person.... Ohhh Prismo. What have you done to bless this man?

Before he could turn back to Prismo, he gave it some thought on whether to go there or not. But, even if he remembers Betty in this moment in time, with how risk taking she was, it's about time he took one such chance of his own. Besides he never truly knows what it's like until he leaves his home and explores. You never make history by sitting around. You never create nostalgia by moping. As he continues to ponder though, he considers another thought. Will Fiona and everyone he's ever known be there? It looked unlikely and with some wild thought, he even dived deeper into the 'what if's of combining universes. He gulped as his decisions were clearly starting to become more finite in their ways. There was only one way of things going if he really wanted to go there.

"Prismo....if there's any way you can make sure that Fiona, Cake, Marcy, Bonnie, Marshall and everyone else, as well as the residents in Ooo itself also end up there...." He finally stands tall, hands to his sides as he's positioned to look like an avatar off of a video game screen. "Then I'd be happy to go." Fiona and Cake stand flabbergasted at each other, now standing tall themselves. Giving themselves a chance to look back at the screen as one white star fills the TV screen on a black void. A silence befell them as life begins to alter in their minds. Wondering what they would be able to find there and what kinds of crazy scenarios they'd be able to handle given such extreme weather conditions and unique magic/power dispositions.

The scene slowed....

Prismo's fingers were about to snap.

The duo looks to each other, beginning to go about their mantra. "You know what time it is?"

Simon's eyes closed slowly as the moment drew near.

Fiona and Cake finished their mantra, responding to each other with a fist bump. The iconic energy was back baby! "Adventure time!!"

[SNAP]

......

Cicadas sung their sweet melody with the crickets in a nature based choir.... all in the last few minutes of twilight. The hunk seemingly rushing over to these bodies that laid asleep near the backyards trees. A deeply southern tone with both concern and worry, masqueraded with a tough resilience comes forth.

"Oh Saturn.....~"

#simon petrikov #fionna and cake #mpreg #greek myth retellings #oc x canon #worlds collide #i hope you like it #cw mpreg #tw mpreg #tw depressing stuff #tw panic attack

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shyrose57 · 2 years

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I have to be gone for a bit, some I’m just gonna dump a bunch of Double Life/Empires stuff here for ya’ll to do what you wish with.

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-Empires AU where Shubble and Scott are siblings. Scott was born without magic, and ran away after they used some not so good magic to try and give him some. Neither of them recognize each other when they meet back in Empires.

-Puss In Boots AU where Mayor Lizzie teams up with sad lonely man Scott from Chromia and the Goblin King Fwhip to go on some great big adventure to save the other rulers after they mysteriously disappear or something. Or, local guy in kind of hard to find kingdom finds a goblin and a cat with a sword on his doorstep and now they’re all on a roadtrip together.

-I think it’d be funny if Scott’s kingdom was kind of super hard to find despite being in the open, based on how few visitors he got in his episodes. And if all anyone knew was the slogan. I want Chromia to accidentally come off as mildly threatening because nobody knows where it is and somebody heard ‘die’ instead of ‘dye’.

-Everyone’s interactions are just so genuinely funny, especially when you consider it in character. Joel is a god who probably is super great and powerful, but he tries to do one godly thing and the universe goes ‘good luck with that’. Local mortal sheriff and cat mayor are one hundred percent down to pick a fight with god, and honestly? They’d win. They could and would bully him.

-I haven’t watched his Last Life POV, but the fact that Scott really went in fixed Jimmy’s builds in both 3rd and Double Life is genuinely the funniest thing. Especially when the Ranchers were, i can only assume, trying to threaten him at the exact moment he was like ‘oh, i gave you guys windows btw’. Imagine being Tango later on, who’s just like ??? And Jimmy’s like ‘Yeah, Scott does that.’

-The fact that the red lives wanted to get Cleo in on the chaos while she was right there listening??? Superb.

-I high key want more fics focusing on the girls of the Divorce Quartet, because you really do have Pearl ‘evil in her heart, scares the reds’ and Cleo ‘the bloodthirsty reds want to invite her to kill people with them.’ It’s such a fun contrast to their partners, and I want to see the girls be menacing and feral in their defense. I just want them to be menacing in general, actually.

-Scott’s POV of Ren ad BigB coming to the Ranch really is just him being like ‘i was gonna make them worse but they did that themselves’, and Ren being like ‘Scott will be our couples therapy whether he likes it or not’.

-The yellow lives low key terrorizing Jimmy was the funniest thing, and Tango was just like ??? He really didn’t know what to do there, and that’s fair, honestly. Imagine being a Red Life, something everyone’s suppose to fear, and the last living Yellows, literal targets just...kidnap your partner, and put him in a box. What would you ev en do???

-There is literally so much potential for stories in them, and if I could find the time, i would write so many drabbles. Jimmy and Gem’s encounter with the Warden?? So cool. Joel is a wet cat of a god, but him being the god of Lore?? Of stories?? Literally so much potential to play with??? The fact that the last yellows are the divorce quartet?? How Pearl was protecting Scott while he was herding the goats in?? How the first ones that tore themselves apart were the ones that ended up together again because they’re all that remains??? It’s just so good.

#empires smp #double life smp

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rainbowvolt · 9 months

Note

I tried this once already but out of nowhere I got attacked by the overwhelming notion that my antics are pointless and that the world around me is crumbling and so I deleted the entire message and took some time to journal out my feelings in the classic rambling poetry style that I have perfected over the years. It didn't make me feel better nor did it provide any fresh prospective but I'm feeling better today so I came to the conclusion that if nothing matters then I'm going to go back to inviting just a little bit of chaos into the everyday lives of people I have never met just because at least im having fun that way. That being said, what the fuck is up gamer? I put on some sublime to write this one to bit now amazon music is playing beck (loser) but I actually really like that song so I'll allow it. Anyway I was on hinge the other day, because just like you I am chronically single, and unlike you I do care because being alone with my thoughts for too long drives me insane and to do shit like this for fun. So I'm swiping and I'm complimenting I mean just imagine me turning on the God damn charm, and I match with this one girl who I think is attractive and we're chatting it up and suddenly bam, no reason at all, I lose all interest. I just felt like it was pointless to even keep talking to her my heart just wasn't in it so I did, I stopped. I probably still could hit her up if I wanted but the truth is it's just a lot of work, relationships that is, and I don't think I have the time to dedicate someone that I want to be able to dedicate. It's weird. Life. Love. Happiness. I try to remind myself that happiness, at least the way that we see in happily ever after movies and books, doesn't really exist. The best you I can ever hope for is to be content. And I'm not sure if that's true or if that's pure unfiltered copium that I'm doling out to myself on a strict rationing schedule so I can make it through the throes of years long depressive episodes. I've considered therapy but whats a therapist going to tell me? Oh you're unhappy for literally no reason, just take these pills? I've done that ya know, the pills didn't make me happy they just made me numb to the world around me and incapable of emotions. Plus my job would kick me out onto the streets if I sought out help, I already got a waiver for it the one time and if I get back on them I'm afraid it'll be game over for my career. So I guess I'm kinda screwing the pooch here. It's always like that, coin tosses and horse races I guess. I just want to break free. I don't know if that'll solve it all, but I want the option to at least seek it out. I used to believe, genuinely, without an ounce of fucking irony that my depressive thoughts and feelings, and my borderline schizophrenic tendencies were genuine fucking shortcuts to creativity. I would sit there and really channel them into my poetry, but you know what? While some of that shit is undoubtedly the best I ever wrote, it wasn't because mental illness is some sort of magical potion, it's not because hurt and pain breeds greatness, it's because I was just being truthful I think, as raw and true as I could possibly be. And I've read some of it to people ya know, like my mom and a few friends, and they just say it's so good and I guess I appreciate their support but it's not good, it's bad ya know, i was trying to share a piece of me that i rarely let anyone see and I guess people just saw it as a piece without the deep emotional relationship that it has to my psyche, maybe I gotta specify like hey this is real shit. But ya know I've also been trying to breed a mental positivity, I try to tell myself good job and "hell yeah dude" for anything that could be considered an accomplishment. I wouldn't say it's the most effective but maybe it's doing a little something. This whole self awareness thing is kinda new to me, obviously, like I seriously lived the first 8 years of my life without a single thought, I remember like watching TV or having a conversation and it was just static upstairs.

Which is kinda funny actually cause now all I fucking do is think. Ugh. To be a frog. A mindless bug eating happy little frog. Those guys have got it made. Love frogs. A ray of sunshine in an otherwise dark and disappointing world. That and when people say bazinga. That shit is hilarious. Also, you have to say bazinga, that's the whole point of this. We've established a raport and now I'm cashing in pal, you gotta say bazinga, you owe me. And if you don't I'm reporting you to PepsiCo. They will bottle and carbonate your ass. You'll be sold worldwide. I wouldn't risk it just fucking say bazinga. I'm dialing them right now, doot doot doot look I've only got a few numbers left last chance bud

I, an autistic person who is currently wearing a flash t shirt, have been asked to say.. that word. Irony aside.. no. I'm not falling for your silly tricks, your insightful-incel Seinfeld style stand up routine, and so.. I turn it back on you. You have to say 'wubba lubba dub dub'. I'm exchanging all my favours, my coupons are going straight in to this uncomfortably shaped vending machine and my goodness something better come out. It's time to make good on your reputation, time to come forth and fulfil your destiny, to do what must be done; it's time to whip out a test tube or two to help Frankenstein some confidence into that ugly little lump of brain mass and say the damn words. Say. The damn. Words. Wubba lubba dub dub.

#i love this #it reads like Seinfeld but interesting instead of mildly offensive

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eternal-dragon-of-time · 10 months

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ok so first off. Where is Abel at?????????

- This Saga is such a banger my only wish is that it wasn't released in such ittybitty bite sized pieces that being said

- Aquella's voice being a literal lure into a trap. Kathool manipulating everyone into a frenzy

- The Hero needs a break after this. We need to go to like a mirror realm therapy session or something

- Dr Noelle ISN'T the mastermind! Which is sort of delicious actually. Victoria, Song and Noelle are just in a awful manipulative hell cycle of just constantly feeding each others worst impulses because the horrors are okay as long as everyones comfy and having fun!

- The Jus Divinum called us Eternal Sovereign! Thats the title our dictator god form from the first speaker timeline uses which isn't forboding at all I swear. Also they talked a lot about "making our own gods" based on the people who get results rather than Avatars. While I'd normally say Slay on and fuck the Avatars, maybe don't murder people to do that guys!!!!!

- Dage is SUCH a sentimental bastard god. Him going "I can't believe this is what you consider evil" at Song is great to.

- Kathool being so exhausted and bored that he will die for the bit is so funny to me.

- Either Victoria is willfully ignorant or she is fully aware and just isn't all there right now. I hope the Hero chews her out, Brentan was blinded by rage but at least he was mostly honest about it Victoria developed Dage killing weapons and used them on him WHILE HE WAS FIGHTING MALGOR. AND NOW SHE IS RUNNING A MAGIC MURDER MACHINE TO TRY AND KILL EVIL DURING THE ARRANGED PEACE.

- Its a little detail but the chaos summerwear is constantly talking about how Xang doesn't like the beach because of "an event on the coast" girl what are they doing to you.

#aqw #aqworlds #AoR spoilers #aqw spoilers #the summer store has chaos floaties that say that they were made specially for Xang. :#:'( girly.... they support you!#also holy shit just in general the corpse horror the shadow viscera Neso's pride. this temple is so haunted.#I am going to wring Victoria's neck sorry. what the hell.

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sailormoonandme · 3 years

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Usagi’s Evolution as a Healer Goddess

The other day I saw a post discussing the evolution of Usagi’s fuku and it occurred to me how Eternal Sailor Moon’s costume was her first Senshi uniform to ditch the tiara.

That in turn led me to consider how that kind of makes Usagi weaker as it removes a very useful weapon for her. After all, if you include the movies, Usagi uses some variant of Moon Tiara Action in practically every season prior to Stars.

However, dwelling more upon it I realized how this tiny change was all too appropriate for Usagi’s character development.

Firstly, by supplanting the Tiara with her Moon planetary symbol, Eternal Sailor Moon more closely resembles both Queen Serenity, her own Princess Serenity form and her future self as Neo-Queen Serenity.

Since all three are objectively more powerful than Usagi typically is as Sailor Moon I think the change emphasises how she has ‘levelled up’ in her Eternal form. When combined with the angel wings, Eternal Sailor Moon shifts Usagi visually closer to her future self as NQS, which in the anime is implied to be her most powerful incarnation.* It is almost as though the visual was communicating that the Divine Miracle Magic that she’d previously drawn upon as Princess Serenity in Classic-SuperS had now become ingrained in her standard Senshi form and thus was more accessible to her.

It was in thinking of her previous efforts as Princess Serenity that I inevitably recalled her duel with Metalia/Beryl in episode 46 and realized that Eternal Sailor Moon was the first time since Classic that Usagi’s default attack was a healing technique not a destructive one.

Moon Healing Escalation was Usagi’s first healing technique but until Starlight Honeymoon Therapy Kiss (and it’s later upgrade, Silver Moon Crystal Power Kiss) it was also her only healing technique.

Between regaining healing techniques and ditching her tiara/other destructive attacks/weapons, I think this represents her subtle growth in both her power and status. After all, it is a sad fact of life that it is easier to destroy something rather than fix it, thereby making the latter far more impressive.**

This skewing towards healing power rather than destructive power is also (arguably) thematically appropriate given the nature of Sailor Moon as a female power fantasy as (rightly or wrongly) the act of healing is typically coded as feminine.

We can even take this further by examining things from the ‘opposite direction’ as it were.

Consider that in the climactic final episodes of Sailor Stars, Eternal Sailor Moon’s healing technique actually fails her when used against Galaxia. In later episodes, upon adopting her Princess Serenity form (complete with larger and more obviously angelic wings), she uses a sword to duel Galaxia.

Obviously a sword is, at least predominantly, an offensive weapon and can therefore be viewed as symbolic of aggression; let’s leave any Freudian or gendered interpretations alone for today. Her use of the sword is highly uncharacteristic (in the anime). Even her explicitly offencive weapons (like the Cutie Moon Rod or Spiral Moon Heart Rod) weren’t as clearly aggressive nor obviously violent. Desperate times calling for desperate measures? Perhaps, but we might also speculate it was her subconsciously reacting to grief. Not only can grief make you act in ways you wouldn’t normally, but a sword after all was a weapon wielded by her lover in his Prince Endymion incarnation. Her lover whom Usagi had just learned Galaxia had murdered. In other words, amidst her grief she reacts by going too hard in the other direction after healing her enemy proves ineffective.

However, when all is said and done the sword fails her.*** Ultimately is simply escalates the conflict by prompting Galaxia to become Chaos Galaxia and thereby make Usagi’s chances of victory all the slimmer. If we wished to stretch things, you could perhaps say that this is a commentary about how war and violence ultimately begets yet more war and violence.

Even if that is an over extrapolation though, it still served to emphasis the point that a sword is not befitting of Usagi, that she was doomed to lose if she continued to battle with destroying her enemy as the end goal.

In fact, her road to real victory begins when she not doesn’t attack Galaxia but makes it easier for herself to be attacked. In the end, Usagi doesn’t confront her most powerful enemy as the God-Queen of the future, the demi-goddess Princess of the distant past, the sailor-suited soldier of love and justice in the present, nor even a humble school girl.

She does it by literally stripping herself of all those things, of stripping herself of everything in fact.

Her weapons? Gone.

Her other items, like her Tiare? Gone.

Her comrades? Gone, and they’d be powerless against Galaxia anyway.

And finally, even her clothes? Gone!

Beyond the Silver Crystal (an outward visualization of her heart/soul) and the angel wings (symbolic of her role as a saviour) she is completely (but tastefully) naked.

Usagi visually and quite literally is more vulnerable than she’s ever been, even more so than on her first night as Sailor Moon.

And yet this is Usagi at her actual most powerful.

It is her distilled to her absolute essence as a person, all other trappings removed. She’d just one person showing another they will categorically not harm them, that they bear them no malice and they have nothing to hide. That openness and compassion is what ultimately enables her to connect to the good within Galaxia and pull her away from the darkness that had corrupted her.

Usagi in this moment completely fulfilled her character arc.

· In the Dark Kingdom arc Usagi destroys (or seals away depending upon your POV) Beryl/Metalia.

· In the Hell Tree arc, Usagi resolves the over all plot via a healing technique (although it is functionally similar to a destructive attack). However, that only happens because the Hell Tree both instructs Usagi to do that and because it lets her. It is the equivalent of a sickly doctor instructing a nurse on what to do to make them better. The nurse might have the power but their agency as a healer is limited.

· In the Black Moon arc, Usagi, with help, destroys Wiseman/Death Phantom.

· In the Death Busters arc, Usagi does save Hotaru and ‘purify’ her. However, like the Hell Tree, that was something Hotaru wanted. Additionally, her purification functioned as a way to heal the body of someone sick and who wanted to sacrifice themselves, not someone actually evil. The evil in question was Pharaoh 90 and it is presumed that Usagi destroyed him (although it might’ve been Hotaru or the pair of them together).

· Forgive me for skipping the Dead Moon Circus arc as Chibiusa is the real protagonist there, and Usagi’s role is chiefly as a rescuer. It therefore doesn’t really apply, although the Nehelenia mini-arc from Stars is a different story. There, Usagi was a healer again, but she did it with the help of her loved ones and with the aid of her Tiare device. Nevertheless, we can see by this point Usagi’s capacity as a healer heroine had been gradually growing until we get to the battle with Galaxia.

By the end of series, Usagi has successfully healed Galaxia and it is neither with the aid of her comrades, nor with the power of a weapon or device, nor with any instructions from her ‘patient’ or any other third party.

Additionally, Galaxia (unlike Hotaru) wasn’t someone’s who was saved from a noble self-sacrifice or had a physical ailment that needs to be addressed. In Galaxia’s case, her very soul had lost it’s way and become corrupted. She had lost who she was supposed to be and her purpose in life had been perverted.****

When combined with how powerful Galaxia always was, how Chaos and the Star Seeds empowered her further, Usagi’s victory here cannot be understated.

Her ‘patient’ was more powerful than all her other adversaries, was in need of more healing than her other ‘patients’ and was more resistant to being healed. Not to mention, since she’d directly murdered her beloved friends (and indirectly aborted her future daughter), Usagi would’ve been forgiven for not even trying to salvage Galaxia

And yet, with no weapons, no backup and just the power of her heart and soul basically, Usagi succeeded.

After Stars the idea that Usagi could heal the entire planet after a global catastrophe and reshape it into a fairy tale crystalline utopia was all too believable.

What’s healing one planet when her ability to empathise had already healed a whole galaxy?

Who needs a tiara to reduce evil to dust when you can simply convince evil to be good?

*This is arguably symbolized by baby Hotaru’s vision of NQS transforming into Eternal Sailor Moon in episode 1 of Stars.

In fact, we might argue that a low-key subplot running through all of Stars (both the Nehelenia and Galaxia portions of it) is gradually transitioning Usagi closer to the person she is destined to become as Neo-Queen Serenity, hence why the first episode features the most explicit reference to her fate as Queen since R.

**Personally I am an atheist, but nevertheless I and others like me can grasp why deities in most major religions through history weren’t simply capable of mass scale destruction, but also of essentially manipulating reality to create things too.

By that same token, it’s little surprise that perhaps the widest spread religious figure in history was Jesus Christ who rarely (if ever) engaged in aggression or destructive acts, predominantly employing divine healing powers.

I suspect the attraction of such figures to human beings lies in the fact that on some level we know that, given the right time and resources, we mere mortals would be capable of destroying anything. Given time it’s all but certain we will develop the technology to even destroy planetary bodies. On the flipside, I think we also intuitively grasp that reversing such damage, of reattaching a limb, of stanching bleeding, etc, is far more difficult if not impossible. Hence we attributed the ability to do such things to larger than life Divine Entities.

*** Now that I think of it, it’s also poignant that Usagi tries and fails to defeat Galaxia with a sword when we take Sailor Uranus into consideration.

Uranus is of course associated with her weapon, the Space Sword and, like Usagi, tried and failed to use such a weapon against Galaxia.

Giving Uranus a sword is symbolically appropriate given her role as the leader of the more aggressive branch of the Sailor Team. Having her fail against Galaxia and Usagi consequently fail by in some way ‘mimicking her tactics’ is equally symbolically appropriate. Not only because of their ideological conflict in Sailor Moon S but also their tensions in Sailor Stars itself. In both situations Usagi’s more open, less aggressive, ideology was ultimately proven correct.

Thus in using a sword against Galaxia it represented how Usagi was always doomed to fail by taking the aggressive/destructive route and how she was arguably not being true to herself in that moment.

****It’s not to dissimilar to Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker now that I think about it.

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sif-the-tsunami · 3 years

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When I Was His Wife

“Well I was looking forward to/ staying here forever/ ‘cause you asked me to/ Didn’t think I could do better/ So I settled down/ in this ten cent town/ it’s about to break me.” These are the Best Years of my Life- Pistol Annies

This is the follow up to “When You Fall Apart” Which is one of my favorites that I’ve written.

(there is Sy just carrying the weight of all of my own internal chaos)

A/N thank you for everyone who encouraged me to write this, I adore Sy as a character. He seemed like someone who could pull off the impossible. I made some choices in here that not everyone will agree with. Tell me I’m wrong in the comments an we can discuss it there.

Pairing: Sy and Josephine

Warnings: again all of them. discussion of infidelity, Discussion of child loss, discussion of unprotected sexual intercourse, headbutting, day drinking, self medicating, therapy, swearing fealty on ones hunting knife, discussion of knife play, I’m probably missing something

Everything is going below the cut this time to save anyone who doesn’t like this kind of stuff from unpleasantness.

word count just shy of 7.5K

Thank you to @inlovewithhisblueeyes for letting me bounce ideas off of you, love you sweet girl

tagging: @oddsnendsfanfics @willkatfanfromasia @rocket44 @feralrunaway @littlewrenofrivia @summersong69 @coffeebooksandfandom @klaine-92 @nothingright @cavillsim @watery-lane @above-average-ass-bitch

unbeta’d

I slept for the next two days, Mama only woke me up long enough to drink some water once she started worrying about me. She managed to wrangle my out of my clothes and into one of Daddy’s shirts we got him that she left in the drawer. My phone was dead, but thankfully Mama and I had the same kind so I could charge it today. What fresh hell was going to be waiting for me on my digital leash? I lay there for a while, the murmur of conversation in the other room was comforting. Mama left a fresh glass of water some time recently, it was still chilly with only a little condensation forming around the sides. The ache in my chest was almost unbearable. The hole in my heart was Syverson sized, being sober made the edges of that abyss feel even more raw and pronounced. I don’t know if my liver could handle me drowning my sorrow much more, but I would give anything to not feel it. I need to make this feeling of worthlessness go away.

When I finally decided to rejoin the land of the living, Mama and my brother Teddy were talking at the kitchen table, discussing about if they should come with me to go get my things or if I should call the sheriff’s office to be monitored. I stayed behind the corner long enough to let them finish what they were going on about.

“If I know Jo well enough, she’s going to need someone to keep her from burning the whole house down with him in it tied to a chair,” my brother chuckled. “She’s been taking care of herself for years. You should have seen how she handled one of these girls who came up to us once on Post.

“Jo was loading up the car when this prissy little thing came walking up, she must have thought she was some kind of hot shit. You would have been so proud of her Mama, the girl said to her that she had been sleeping with James during their deployment. All Jo said back to her was ‘You’ve both been back for something like three months, right, have you seen him since?’ Little Miss Hot Shit stuttered and said ‘Well not yet,’ like she had been really holding out that he was going to. ‘He doesn’t have my new phone number.’ Jo just tiled her head to the side. Smiled at her real sweetly and told her, ‘Baby girl, he’s not going to. He knows how to find you. You were just a rental car to him, sweetie bell. Ford Fiestas are fun as hell to ride but let’s be honest, you aren’t going to pick a Fiesta over the Mercedes Benz you have at home. You aren’t the first and you sure as hell won’t be the last, now go on and get out of here before I ruin the rest of your day like you tried to ruin mine.’ One of the other officer’s wives came up to her and said she was amazed that she handled her so well without breaking Miss Prissy Pant’s face. She just said ‘I’m too pretty to go to prison, Kathy.’ And we hoped in the car. You raised one tough lady, Mama.”

“How many times has that happened, Theodore, I need to know.”

“She has only told me about four women meeting her face to face. The two pregnant girls who got knocked up to get out of their deployments, Prissy Pants, and one who thought that James was in love with her. She evidently broke down in tears on the tarmac when Josie jumped into his arms and he swung her around. But she would get letters tucked into the windshield of her car for months whenever he returned from deployment.”

“You two kept this from me for years, why?”

“Jo said that this was her problem, don’t you remember how you handled it when her first boyfriend ran out on her on prom night? She cried to you and Dad, and you just told her that no one is worth weeping over. She’s just been trying to make you proud, Mama. Daddy might have known because I know they had a really nasty fight about a month before he died.”

I walked out after that. Mama’s eyes were red, “Good morning, baby, do you want pancakes? Bacon and eggs? What do you want, Darlin’?”

“Coffee would be a good start.” I rasped. “Can I use your charger?”

“It’s right here. Cream and sugar?”

“Black as my sense of humor, please Mama.” I said, Teddy chuckled again. I reached over and squeezed my brother’s shoulder. “Hey, I’m glad you’re here.”

“I got to look after my little sissy.” He replied using what he called me growing up. “So what are we doing to get over Jimmy?”

“I was thinking tattoos and day drinking?”

“Atta’ girl, Josie. Fuck that douche canoe.”

As soon as my phone was able to turn on, it sat on the counter vibrating for the next five minutes. Six missed calls from James. And seventy text messages. A few from stores I shop at, but the majority were from my husband.

“Ugh, I just don’t feel like dealing with this right now.” I said as my mom put my coffee in front of me.

“Just leave him on read. I doubt he’s hurting for company.” Mama said, in almost a snarl. I looked through a few messages. The last one was from this morning. Sweetheart, I’m worried sick about you, I miss you. Please talk to me?

“Ted, do you want to go with me to Walmart so I can get a couple day’s worth of clothes, I am just not ready to go back and I can’t live in Daddy’s old shirts.”

“Of course, we can get some booze while we are there.”

“Get yourself a bathing suit while you are there, honey, its going to be beautiful today and you can go for a swim.” Mama added.

I texted James back finally as I finished my coffee. I’m sorry I worried you, Sy, I have literally been asleep since I got here. I’m not ready.

I understand. I’m sorry, I should have seen how much I’ve been hurting you. I swear to God, I really do love you. Please, let me know what I can do for you.

Yeah, you should have, James. You should have seen how bad you’ve been treating me. You can drop off the face of the earth, that’s what you can do for me, I think spitefully. Thankfully, Mama washed my yoga pants and tank top. It would have to be alright for now. My brother let me wear one of his extra flannel shirts he kept in the back of his car. An hour later, Ted and I were at the store, picking up chips, dip, and cheap champagne. Mama loved mimosas, so I thought it was the least I could do. I grabbed a couple of sun dresses and a bikini, if I was going to be gone for a few days, I was going to come back home looking refreshed, radiant even, and not like the hot pile of garbage I was feeling like. I made a small detour to the cosmetics department, got myself a couple of face masks, hair dye, and sun screen.

“Really? Dark brown, Josie?”

“That’s as close to my natural color as I can, I’m tired of the blonde highlights. I think after this I might just let it come in. Grays and all. Who ever loves me next is going to have to just deal with me as nature intended.”

“I’m proud of you. Do you think you will leave him for good?” He said, Ted has always been very protective of me.

“Well, I certainly can’t leave him for evil, can I?” Making him laugh. One the way outside there was a truck near the front of the store with a sign that read “Puppies for sale.”

“Teddy, we need to see these puppies.” I gasped. Walking up to the truck bed I saw the sweetest little German Shepard puppies. I reached in and they all started flopping all over the place trying to get pets and love. Maybe a puppy was exactly what my hurting heart needed. We haven’t had a dog since Aika passed away. It was looking like I would never have a baby but maybe this was the kind I needed. Puppy snuggles would definitely make that Syverson shaped hole less painful.

“I’ll buy you a puppy if you divorce James.” Ted said to me, half joking.

“Shit, I can afford the puppy, pay for the divorce.” I jest back. “How much for one of the precious babies?”

“$500 a pup, mom has a pedigree, but daddy was the neighbor’s sneaky bastard.” The woman also petting the puppies said. “Mama is in the front if you want to meet her, daddy is very friendly as well.”

I start laughing uncontrollably. With tears in my eyes, I ask if any of the puppies are girls, and she pulls out a beautiful little one with floppy ears and the biggest smile I had ever seen on a dog. Oh yeah, she was meant for me.

“I’ll take her, do you take checks?” I think I’m ready to start healing.

*****

“Josephine, that son of a bitch you call your husband is here to see you.” Mama shouts from the house. It’s Sunday afternoon now, Teddy and I have exhausted all the snacks and mimosas hours ago and now we were sobering up by the pool. My new baby girl is laying next to my sun chair, chewing on her bone, wearing a pretty pink collar.

“Well, might as well let him out here.” I shout back.

“Are you sure, I can kick his ass to the curb if you want me to, baby.”

“Its okay Mama, I can handle him myself.” Sy walks out in the back yard a couple minutes later. I’m guessing Mama threatened to stick him in a meat grinder.

“I deserved that.” He said, looking thoroughly admonished. “You changed your hair, it looks really good...

“Oh bless your heart, James. That’s not even half of what you deserve.” Ted spoke up before he could finish, not moving his face towards him. He lay there in his swim trunks and dark sunglasses.

“Oh great, all three of you have been drinking. I can tell this is going to go well...” James sighed. “Who is this cutie pie, did your Ma get a new dog?”

“She’s my dog, her name is Stella Rosa.”

“I don’t think anyone asked you to come, Colonel Sanders, what are you doing here?” Ted snapped.

“Hey, I got this, okay? I’m a big girl, please, go in the house. The fuck are you doing here James?” I lift my sun glasses up.

“She’s a very sweet pup. Yeah, you are a good girl for your mama, aren’t you? I came to see you. I want to bring you home, baby, I miss you.” He’s checking out my fresh tan in my new bikini. Subtly, but he does it.

“I’m not ready. I’m not even ready to talk to you. Why would you think that I even want to come home?”

“I don’t know, I asked myself that the entire drive here. I don’t know what I’m even going to do with myself when I go home alone. Pussycat, I can’t begin to think of life without you. I know I fucked up. And I know I can’t take that back. You asked me the other day what I kept that was special just between us. I should have answered you then. All those nights where you fell asleep with your head on my chest, the evenings laying in the back of the truck looking at the stars after driving around trying to find the best nachos in town. And, baby, no matter where we go, yours are always the best. No one else ever got moments like that. You are the only woman I want to slow dance with in the middle of the night.

“You are the only person in the world that I would wait four hours in the freezing cold to get the best brisket in Austin for because you were craving bbq when we were still, you know...” He paused. I don’t think he ever stopped blaming himself for what happened. His knees were never the same after that accident, and usually whenever he stood up from kneeling, they clicked and popped painfully. He leaned a little closer spreading his legs and reached down to pet Stella. She seemed a little leery of him. It is easy to be cynical given the circumstances, but there is something about the way he is talking to me, I haven’t heard him be this earnest in years.

“When was the last time you were with someone other than me?” I can’t bring myself to look at him. I keep my eyes anywhere but on him. My body aches so badly for him to just wrap his arms around me. I miss him.

“When I got held up in Kuwait for two weeks in December...”

“December? You mean when you missed my fucking birthday. Goddammit James...” And the ache is gone. My heart shattered again. He’s going to make me cry again.

“Hey, it was after your birthday, and it was a hate fuck because I was mad that I broke yet another promise to you.”

“That doesn’t make it better.” I snap. “How many that deployment?”

“Just the one. And she’s someone who I knew was more discreet because we had that arrangement before.”

“I swear on my Daddy’s grave that if you are lying to me right now, I will end you Syverson. You couldn’t have waited a few more days?”

“I had no idea when I was going home. We boarded that fucking plane three times and had to turn back because there was a problem with it. I was two seconds away from tearing apart the first Private that so much as looked at me sideways. It felt like, at the time, the less terrible choice.”

“They sound both pretty shitty to me. You are a fucking adult James, you have to be able to control yourself or at least be responsible for your actions. If this is what you think love is, I would rather you hate me.” I stand up. Stella wags her tail excited to get away.

“Josephine, please...” He grasps my wrist, not hard, but there wasn’t anyway I was going to be able to get out of his big hand.

“Please what? Please stay so you can keep treating me like this. There are some people in this world who have no problem playing second or third fiddle, they are just thankful they are in the band. But I deserve to be your first chair, or I don’t want to play at all.”

“Mama wants to know if the jackass is staying for dinner.” Ted shouts at us.

“He going!” “I’m staying!” we yell over each other. He’s not looking at me, he’s not even looking at the pup. His eyes are somewhere else, mentally for a second he is somewhere else also.

“Baby… I… You have always been my first chair. There is no one else on earth like you. I have never done anything with these women as an act of love. It was always been, and I mean always, just a way to scratch an itch. Every time I was gone, every time things got bad, getting to come home to you was the thing that keep me going, Jo. You have been my safe harbor for the worst parts of my life.”

“James… That doesn’t excuse what you’ve done. You aren’t the man I fell for anymore. This isn’t healthy.” He let go of my wrist, and rubs his face. Those beautiful eyes of his have seen so much. For the first time I think he actually looks… broken. Is this the remorse I have been wanting to see? I try not to keep scores, especially when it comes to my loved ones. But for the first time since things went sour, he looks like I hurt him as much as he has hurt me.

Maybe there was love between us once. However there are just two broken hearts for now.

“Come on in the house, I can at least feed you before I send you back.”

“I think I will just go,” he says it quietly. “I don’t want to be a burden on you.”

“Don’t be like that, I am still cooking like I’m making dinner for you, so its way too much for the three of us. Come on in, I made carnitas.”

“I’ll be in, I just need a minute.” He refuses to let me see him cry if he’s not waking up screaming, even after all this time. Whenever we could have a healing moment, he pushes me out. I went inside, and started setting the table.

“Are we poisoning his tacos?” Teddy asked me.

“That’s not the worst idea I’ve heard today.” Mama interjected.

“No, and don’t start anything. He’s eating dinner with us, don’t either of you make him feel bad. I already did that.” Sy walked in at that moment, those blue eyes of his rimmed with red. He looked defeated. The four of us ate our dinner in silence. There was a time where he would have made some kind of comment about eating me out when we had tacos. He looked at me once during the meal, I think he remembered it too. He offered to clear the plates when were all done and sat in uncomfortable silence. The cockiness I had grown accustomed to over the years was gone.

He carried himself like this when we lost our baby, he can’t take that kind of humility. At least not with me.

“Sy...” I waited until the others were out of the room. “Do you still want me to come home with you?”

“Not if it means all we are going to do is get a divorce. I can’t see you every day knowing that I will never get to be yours again. I let them do a lot of terrible things to me over the years, but that… that I can’t handle.” His voice cracked. “If you want out, I will give you everything you ask for. I won’t fight you. But please, give me a chance to fight for you.”

“I don’t think you are exactly in a position to make that that request.” I lean against the counter across the room from him.

“No, I’m not.” he half smirked, “I don’t deserve you.”

“Look, I’m not saying that this can’t still all explode in our faces. But I miss my best friend and that has always been the best part of us. It will never be the same as it was before, it can’t be. However, if you are willing to work with me, I am willing to see if we there is any salvageable. If nothing else, we both need therapy very badly. We can’t just shrug this off. The second that it goes back to where we were, I’m gone.”

“Okay. I’ll do it.” He sniffs hard, and his breath is broken up, tucking his arms against himself. Usually its in authority, this time hes just trying to hug himself. I gesture him to come over and I hug him. He wraps his arms around then envelopes me. Leaning his head on mine, he whispers “I’ll do whatever you want, my darlin.”

I told my mom that I would be going home, she sighed at me. “Do you think this is the best idea?”

“I don’t know, Mama. I think I just want some closure. I told him if he so much as sneezes out of line that I’m gone. Forever. There will be no more chances.”

“Well, baby, I trust you. You are always welcome back here if you need to get away.”

While I’m packing my stuff into the shopping bags I had, I hear a sudden crack and Sy groans then swears. “yeah, I deserved that too.”

“What the fuck did you just do, Theodore?” I yell coming out. Ted was still holding my husband’s hand, and Sy was holding his face. “Did you… just headbutt him?”

“Yes, I did. My sister my might be willing to move past your mistakes, but I’m not. However, I’ve always been the petty one in the family. Hurt her again, they will have to dig your nuts out of your chest cavity, do we understand each other?”

“Yep, perfectly.” Sy grimaced. There were very few men that he would not retaliate against. Teddy, at 6’5, and years of horse wrangling, was one of them. Sy was build like a brick shit house, but so was my big brother. I thought we were old enough to not resort to violence, I have been wrong before.

My probably, potentially, soon to be ex-husband put mine and Stella’s things in the back bench of his truck. I held her in the crook of my arm as I climbed up in the cab. He gently shut the door for me, I noticed his shiner was going to be pretty gnarly in the morning.

He climbed into the other side as I set little Stella down on the floor. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it was a cheap shot, I’ll be fine. At this point, I don’t want to rock the boat with your brother and Ma. She tore me a new asshole before I got outside today.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t changed your mind, say to hell with me and that I’m not worth the hassle.”

“Josephine, I might not have made the appropriate effort to show you how much you mean to me, but you are worth it.” The Syverson shaped hole in my heart roared. Why couldn’t he have been this way all along?

We talked about the girl at the movies, and how she was one of his new officers. She might have come on to him, but he never engaged with her outside of work related things. He told her several times that he wasn’t interested but she was persistent. I halfway apologized for trying to decapitate him with a tequila bottle. He acknowledged that this was a long time coming. This was the most we had talked about anything deep for months. I don’t know if it was too little and too late though.

The rest of the drive home we made a plan of action. He would move into the office and would stay in there until I invited him back into my bed. We would start couple’s therapy as soon as we could. He would also start seeing a therapist individually. Before we got into town I also told him my final request for our reconciliation. I wanted to see other people. I had been with him since I was nineteen, I have never faltered in my devotion to him. I wanted to see if he was really the one for me.

When I got home, I poured out the rest of my alcohol, save for a bottle of champagne I was saving for our anniversary. He took Stella outside to go potty and came back singing her name “Stella bella, who is a good girl? Your Mama picks good puppies, yes she does. Good girl, Stella bella.”

Stella came prancing back to me with her tail wagging happily. He walked up behind me, and grazes the backs of my arms gently with his knuckles, leaning down to kiss my neck. “Not yet, Sy. I don’t want us to complicate things more than they already are.”

“Josie, what do you mean?”

“I don’t want to have sex with you until we start therapy.”

“So you want us to stop having sex, sleep in separate rooms and at some point you want to start seeing other men.” He starts nodding. He lets out a deep sigh and closes his eyes. “Okay, it that’s what you want to do. I was thinking about getting my stuff out of the bedroom so I can try to get some sleep. I love you, Pussycat. I’ll see you in the morning.” And with that, James went to bed. He was snoring on the couch in the office by the time I went to go lay down.

****

It took us three weeks to get into see a couples therapist. It felt a little validating about my decision that we shouldn’t sleep together until we have really decided to try or not. She had me stay behind and talk with her for another half an hour the first time we met. She asked me why I wanted to save my marriage with Sy if he’s hurt me for years.

“I don’t rightly know,” I told her. “Maybe its because when we are good we are so damn good. Before we were married, I was warned, I knew that things happened overseas and I shouldn’t take it personally, he’s just a man and not a saint. I never have had a doubt in my mind about if he’s been faithful when he’s been here until recently when a woman he knows started acting weird around me. The love we had was so passionate, like sometimes he thought that if he couldn’t put his hands on me I would disappear. I don’t think I will ever find someone who can love me like that again.”

The therapist suggested that he starts getting treated for PTSD and anger management while we all were working together. I would also have my own separate sessions to work on my own issues. It took a few months but I started seeing small differences in how he was handling things at work that pissed him off. He was able to defuse himself more easily. He became more open with his feelings. I think it helped that we both stopped drinking. We could be a little volatile when we had a pitcher (or three) of margaritas.

There were days with our sessions where we leave emotionally exhausted and not speak to each other the rest of the day, some of them ended in peals of laughter, others where I would cry for most of it. We discussed the infidelity at great lengths. I don’t want to rehash the details but it was definitely one of the bad days. But it seems that the root cause was him using the only the other women for comfort after fairly traumatic events. It’s why it only happened on deployments. He needed to feel something other than pain.

The lack sexual intimacy between the two of us made James start to get creative to initiate closeness between the two of us. He started helping me make dinner on the weekends, or he would bring me my coffee in the morning the way I like it. Mama and Teddy started coming over occasionally for suppers. It was nice to have the house filled with laughter. We started talking again like when we first started dating. He would take the time to go with me grocery shopping.

He started asking me out on dates again. Myself, him and Stella would drive out to the country, with a picnic basket that he would even prepare himself and we would go star gazing like we used to. I loved seeing the effort, but that hole still ached in my chest the whole time. The pieces should have all fit together, but here I was still not sure I could commit to him for the rest of my life.

On one of these dates, he asked me what I thought about him retiring. He had been in for almost nineteen years at this point and had far exceeded is expectations for being in the Army as an officer.

“I kind of just want to sell off all our extra shit and buy a really nice Air-stream. We can pull it with my truck. Just travel up and down the continent, I know you always have wanted to see the Northern Lights, we can just go anywhere. Me, you and Stella would visit where ever we could find a parking spot.”

“That sounds nice, Sy.” It came out a little half hearted.

“You don’t sound convinced, sweetheart.” He said, started sounding concerned.

“Hun, I don’t want to have a fight right now, so please just let me get this off my chest.” I sigh. And then I told him about the pain in my chest that I’ve had since my night in jail. That sometimes, like tonight, it was only a dull ache. That other times the edges are still so sharp that it feels like the pain was going to swallow me whole. He sits up, jaw dropped.

“Why haven’t you told me this before? I… Jo… son of a bitch.” He groans. He lays back down, the same defeated tone came back that I hadn’t heard since Mama’s house. “I’m trying my best, Josephine, but I feel like I have one hand tied behind my back… you will never love me again, will you? I can grovel, and beg. I don’t know what else I need to do. I know what I want to do, but it will just hurt you more.”

“What do you want to do, Sy?”

“I want to kiss every part of your skin, remind your body that I worship it. I want to pin you to the wall of our hallway and make love to you. I want to go to sleep with my nose buried in in your hair, and wake up sliding inside of you. I have since you came home. Hell, I always want to do that with you. But that can’t be the only thing that keeps us together.” He looked over at Stella sprawl out.

“I didn’t say this to hurt you, hun. I just wanted to be honest with you.”

“I know, I… just don’t want to cause you more misery. I really thought we were, you know, heading back in the right direction.”

“We have been, and honestly, I think if we threw in the towel now, it would cause more harm than good.” I say as the tears well up in my eyes. For the first time since I was taken away, I straddle his hips. He sits up and I place my hands on either side of his face, then lean in to kiss him. He kisses me back with the same hunger. I missed him. The ache dulled a little until he pulled away.

“Let’s get going, Jo, I want you so fucking bad. I want to take you here and now, I want to make you scream my name and damn anyone who catches us. We need to stop this, the agreement was that we wouldn’t. Fuck I’ve missed how you taste.” He said before stealing one more kiss.

*****

The next week was awkward to say the least, the therapist was pleased about the kissing and that I opened up. She said that it was possible that the pain would go away, but that he and I needed to remember that it was like I was grieving. In the mean time, we should continue to take it slowly because we both needed to be sure. The following few days he was distant, and the ache returned in full force.

With his PTSD treatments, he was having less nightmares. It was the best thing I could ask for. There were still times where he would yell in his sleep but they had become farther and farther apart. It was a night after he had his individual treatment, he had come home talking about how he felt the night of my breakdown. He came home and told me a little bit, how he had never seen me so angry before, thrashing about like a caged animal. He hated himself for pushing me there. That night, in the darkness of the small hours, I woke up from being dead asleep hearing him say my name in a panic. He then repeated sounding more and more scared. “Josie, oh my god, Josie, no. I’m sorry Jo, I didn’t mean to. JoJo!”

I rushed into the office, he was jerking violently in his sleep about on the couch. I turned on the light near his head. When these dreams happen, his eyes were usually opened, it creeps my out every time. I start to gently wake him up, saying his name and touching him as gently as possible. It took a few moments but he came back to me.

“Jo, Jesus fuck, you’re alright?”

“Of course I am, sweetheart, what happened? I’m right here, I’m okay, you are okay, everything is okay.”

“I dreamed we were back in the kitchen, you were under me. Screaming and whipping about. I had to restrain you more then I accidentally broke your neck and you died in my arms. It felt real, baby, I was holding your body and then the sheriff came and that’s when you woke me up. Oh my god. I fucking can’t. I can’t anymore. I need you, Josie. If something happens to you, oh fuck.” I have never seen James sob like this. He pawed at me until I was wrapped in his arms. I slipped my arms around his neck and held his head to mine. His sobs were hard. We sat there until he let it all out.

“Come on, big man, let’s get you into bed. Come with me. I’ll stay with you all night.” He nodded at me and followed me to the bed we used to share. I wrapped him up in our fluffy blankets. He snuggled into me and was asleep in moments. I stayed there in his arms until he woke up. The Syverson shaped hole hurt less that night.

When he woke up he started crying again. He held me and started kissing my face. “Thank god. I thought you coming to me last night was another dream.”

“No baby, I’m here.” He sniffed hard and squeezed me closer to him. We went back to sleep for a few more hours and when we got up for the day he moved his things back into our bedroom. We might not have started other marital acts but we both started sleeping better having the other person in bed. It had been almost six months we started trying to reconcile.

*****

It had been an interesting couple of months while we started the transition for him to retire. Soon it was only a matter of days. The dates had continued, the kissing had continued, but something was keeping me back from being able to say that the next step was what I wanted. Therapy continued, and we would be seeing her for the next few months. Before I left my private session she asked me if I had given myself a deadline. She was concerned that I might keep dragging it out and that would just make both of us miserable. I told her I had an idea and that I planned on pulling the trigger soon.

Sy’s superiors were setting up a retirement ceremony for him, followed by a dinner with the upper chain of command. He wasn’t looking forward to it, Sy just wanted to be out and done. He came home one day while I was watching a show based on a book series I had read when we first were married. The redheaded Scot swore fealty to his wife, offering to pierce his own heart with a dagger if he should ever rebel against her again.

“What’s this you’re watching?” He asked.

“Outlander, it just picked back up again from a season break. It’s pretty damn close to the book.”

“So is this what the ladies like these days, men in kilts offering to off themselves if they fuck up?”

“Women have liked men in kilts since I can remember. Why do you think we go to the Renn Faire every year.” I wink at him. “But yeah, I’m sure that does it for some people.”

“Well shit, Pussycat, it’s the only thing I haven’t done.” Sy walked out of the room and came back with his favorite hunting knife. It had been his dad’s once upon a time. The handle was made out of buck horn. In his warn and dusty uniform, he knelt in front of me on the living room floor. His beautiful blue eyes looking into mine, “Well, this isn’t iron, and it definitely isn’t holy. However, I will swear on it either way. Josephine, you are the only woman I have ever loved, you are my best friend, and I adore you. I will never do anything to make you doubt that love or loyalty again. If I ever do anything that makes you feel like you are less than the beautiful, smart, incredible, sexy creature that you are, you can sink this right in my heart. I will even hold it there for you so all you have to do is press it right in.” He finishes with a tongue click as an exclamation.

“James, you didn’t need to do this. You know I am weird about grand gestures.”

“No, I think I do. I said my vows to you on our wedding rings and I wasn’t able to keep it. But, I will never break this one. If I can earn your love back, I will never do anything to make you regret giving me this chance to be your man.” He still held the knife against his chest with one hand, and placed my hand over his with the other. “So what do you think, baby girl? We still have a long way to go, but I can’t think of anyone else I would rather struggle with.”

“I think you just put yourself in a position that I could just end you now if I wanted to.” I say with my usual sass.

“Yes, you could. I don’t think you will though.” He said smiling, his voice was husky and deep as usual. I love that easy smile of his.

“Is it wrong that I want to get on your lap and make out with you while I hold this against you.” His eyebrow raised. “Maybe more than just make out with you.”

“Oh, don’t you tease me now, sweet thing. I don’t want to start anything you won’t finish.”

“Who said I won’t finish it, Colonel Syverson?” His eyes grew as big as dinner plates.

“Wait, do you mean it?” He choked.

“Yeah, I do mean it.” I laughed. Before I could get up, he had hiked the skirt of the dress I was wearing up to my hips, pulling me to the edge of the sofa, revealing that I had skipped a certain garment that day. “I had an idea for after supper, but if you want we can do this now…. Oh fuck I’ve missed this.”

Before I can even finish my sentence, he was going to town with his tongue on his favorite part of my body. He remembered everything that made me squeal in delight. From the lack of sex on both of our ends, he was able to get me off easily. My body was desperate for his touch. He stopped once my body was trembling, kissing one of my thighs from my apex to my knee. He suddenly grunted and bit down on a tender part. He started panting and kissed the spot he bit.

“I’m sorry, sugar, I didn’t want to only last for two or three thrusts. Fuck, I have missed this pretty pussy. You taste so good.” He had a handful of his own cum and looked around for a tissue. Without a word, I grabbed his hand and licked it clean, keeping eye contact with him the entire time. He moaned out and then stood up. He took his shirt off, and lifted me up off the couch. I knew this hurt his back and knees but I wasn’t about to chastise him for wanting to be romantic. He carried me like we were on our honeymoon back to the bedroom. He lay me down as gently as possible then finished stripping himself. I took my dress off leaving myself exposed to him in a way that I haven’t in almost a year. Sy joined me on the bed, open and vulnerable to me. I loved those thick thighs and torso of his, he always eclipsed me.

“Hello ladies, nice to finally see you again.” He purred as he licked and sucked on my nipples. He leaned to one side and massaged my breasts with one of his hands. “Glad to see you that you missed me too.”

Before long, I could feel his erection pressing against my thigh. He spread my legs and rubbed himself against my opening. He leaned down and kissed my neck before sliding himself inside of me. I moan his name as he gently started making love to me. Bearing his weight on his elbows, he kissed and nipped at my neck.

Breathlessly, he told me how much he missed my body, how much he loved me, how lucky he was to have me. As his tempo increased, he started to whisper in me ear.

“Josephine, tell me what you are.” I looked at him confused. “You are my wife, I want you to tell me that you are my wife.”

“I’m your wife, James.” I tell him as lovingly as possible.

“Louder, baby.”

“I’m your wife.” I said loud and clearly. The Syverson shaped hole in my chest is gone, finally. Replaced with the warmth of knowing we were going to be able to survive this.

“Even louder, Jo.” I yell it out and he thrusts harder and deeper. “Keep going, beautiful, I want the whole neighborhood to know.”

I screamed it as he started pounding me harder, building his orgasm. As my own starts its crescendo, I screamed his name and arched my back as he pulls my hips down on himself and spilled into me. He lay down beside me, twitching and jerking a little. He kisses all the parts of my skin that is available to his reach.

“I think we should order a pizza for dinner tonight,” He says after a few minutes of catching his breath. “So we can stay in bed and make love again.”

“Or, and hear me out. I put my dress back on, you get dressed and we go out for sushi with your cum dripping down my thighs. What do you think about that?”

“Shit, I missed you being a damn freak like that. Do I we get to have more fun tonight if I say yes?” He chuckles, then kisses my hand, “I still want you to ride me with my knife pointed at me some time tonight.”

“Aren’t you scared I’m going to cut off a nipple or something.”

“You, with a knife? To be honest, cutting off my nipple is the least of my concerns. How do I know if this just isn’t a whole plan to lure me into complacency with sex and sushi, then you just murder me in my sleep.” He rolled onto his back and whined for a second, but got up. He put on a pair of khaki shorts and a black Metallica t-shirt as I got into my dress again.

“God damn woman, you are so fucking sexy.” He tells me as he opens the door on my side of the truck and leans down to kiss me again. As I climb up he give my butt a little tap just like he used to and closes the door for me. The ache I’ve been feeling these long months has subsided. Sitting across the cab from me, holding my hand, he asks if we want to go look at travel trailers this weekend. For the first time in a while, I feel like everything is going to be alright.

#henry cavill #henry cavill smut #henry cavill fanfic #my apologies to henry cavill #captain syverson

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