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cosmicjoke · 3 years

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No Regrets: Chapter by Chapter Analysis:

1. Preface to my analysis

Okay, so, since I’ve reached the end of every published volume of SnK so far, and have to wait until October to read the last volume, I thought I’d re-read “No Regrets” and delve into some analyzation of this story, chapter by chapter.

One thing I want to start out by saying, before I get into the details, is that I think “No Regrets” is a vital demonstration of how Levi has always cared about people, and always fought for them.

One misrepresentation I sometimes see regarding Levi’s and Erwin’s relationship is when people claim that Erwin was the one to teach Levi to fight for something bigger than himself, or to fight for others. The thing is, “No Regrets” clearly demonstrates that Levi already had a strong foundation of caring for others, and fighting for others, before Erwin himself ever had any major influence over him, and I plan on getting into all the examples of that within the story and breaking them down.

First, though, there’s an important quote from Isayama from the joint interview he did with the artist for “No Regrets”, Hikaru Sugura, in which he says about Levi, in response to the question of how he pictured Levi’s internal feelings of going from a “thug” to a “soldier”, “It’s that he found a place to make the most of what he could do, or rather, his own special abilities. Underground, where it was all he could do to stay alive, he had to live for that, but then he started to form relationships and began to feel that he could do things for others. And that’s why he first went above ground...”

This is a hugely important quote from Isayama, because he flat out says that, even before Levi came to the surface, he’d already formed bonds with people, and already began to feel like there was something bigger than himself that he could fight for, that he could “do for others”. Isayama also says here that Underground, “It was all he could do to stay alive”, which signifies with great clarity the struggle someone would have, even someone with Levi’s great strength, of surviving and making it from one day to the next in a place like the Underground. So, for Levi, it must have already been a terrible burden, simply trying to take care of himself, and live for himself. But then he meets Furlan and Isabel, and he becomes friends with them, and despite the doubtless added burden to his own existence of having two other people relying so heavily on him for their own survival, he takes that burden onto himself, and does so with willingness and responsibility. Isayama says that “It’s that he found a place to make the most of what he could do, or rather, his own special abilities.”. Erwin didn’t instill in Levi a sense of responsibility for others, or the idea of fighting for someone other than himself. Levi already had that, had already DONE that. What Erwin did for Levi was show him the path towards maximizing the impact he could have, showing him how he could use his abilities to help the MOST number of people, not just a few people. Erwin showed Levi that he could have a significant impact on the world, that he could fight for actual, positive change for all people. Another important part of that quote from Isayama is when he says “And that’s why he first went above ground...”, because it tells us what Levi’s initial drive and intention for going to the surface was, and that was to help give Isabel and Furlan a better life. He trusted in Furlan’s plans, and went along with them, because it was what Furlan and Isabel had both expressed to Levi that they wanted to do and to have. Even here, Levi is fighting for the dreams of others.

I’ve recently read the visual novel of “No Regrets”, and while it had some good parts, it also very much underdeveloped and even at times outright misinterpreted Levi’s character in some really key ways, casting him as someone so hell bent on getting revenge on Erwin, that he is blinded to the safety of Isabel and Furlan, pressing on with his plans to kill Erwin at their expense. The worst part about this, I thought, was how it reduced the pivotal moment in which Levi chooses to go after Erwin and leave Furlan and Isabel behind to an impulsive, snap decision, in which Levi puts no thought or real consideration into it. He doesn’t struggle at all in choosing how he does, doesn’t agonize over what he thinks is the right choice, because in that moment, there isn’t even the consideration of another option, he isn’t even making a choice, really, just reacting, which entirely defeats the purpose of Levi’s character motif throughout the main series, which is that he can never know for sure what decision is the right one until after he chooses, but that he has to try and make one he feels is right, and that no matter what, he can’t allow himself to dwell on it with regret afterwards. This gets corrected in the manga big time, as do several other instances of Levi’s characterization, and I’m going to go over it in more detail when I get to that final chapter. But the choice Levi makes in the manga is much, much more nuanced, considered, and multifaceted. Here, he had laid out in his head two, distinct options, and he weighs and balances them against one another in a high pressure situation, before deciding on the one he thinks is best. He doesn’t just leave his friends, thinking only of Erwin and revenge. He’s thinking of ALL of them, and of every factor leading up to that point, and that struggle for Levi is what ends up having the affect of ultimately forming his later philosophy of never allowing himself certainty in anything, but also allowing himself leniency in whatever he chooses, knowing that he can’t be so hard on himself for the outcome, whatever it may be, that he isn’t able to move on from it, or use it to keep pushing forward and learn, so that he can do better next time. It’s important that Levi’s choice in “No Regrets” is actually presented as one made with his full consciousness, one that was a fully thought out one on his part, which is why I really disliked the way it was portrayed in the visual novel, and why I’m glad they corrected it in the manga, which is the canonically accepted version of the story either way. Because it’s a vital moment in Levi’s character development, with him learning that even when he tries his best to choose right, even when he considers every factor and every, conceivable outcome, even when he does what he thinks, in the moment, is best, it won’t always turn out that way, it won’t always turn out good, or favorably. He won’t always win. He won’t always be able to save everyone. It’s a huge moment of character growth for Levi, who makes a well thought out and considered decision, and it still results in his two, best friends getting killed. It teaches Levi that he can never have full control of any situation, no matter how hard he tries, and that, in turn, gives Levi a kind of freedom in simple acceptance. It lifts a burden from his shoulders, even as he experiences enormous grief and loss.

Anyway, I’m going to be reading the first chapter of “No Regrets” later tonight, and will give my more detailed observations in a separate post. Thanks for reading, as always guys!

2. Chapter 1: The Wings of Freedom

Okay, so here we go! Chapter 1 of “No Regrets”!

There’s a few things I want to point out about this chapter, because both visually and textually, we get a lot of information about the Underground and Levi, and his relationship with Isabel and Furlan. So I’ll just go through it.

The first thing that really caught my attention for this chapter was the opening page, which is a retrospective shot of Levi after he’s joined the SC, thinking about how he can’t ever know what the results of his choices are going to be. He says here “I trusted in my own strength... I trusted in the decisions of comrades who had earned my faith...” And this quote from Levi is really important in later understanding why he makes the choice he does, at the end. He says he trusted in the decisions of comrades who had earned his faith, and that tells us that Levi believes in Furlan and Isabel, that he believes in their strength and their capability, that he believes in them enough to let them choose for themselves and trust in their judgement. We’ll obviously delve more into this as it becomes more relevant to the story. But moving on...

The next thing to catch my attention is the panels of the Underground we see. These are probably the best shots of this place we get in the whole series, as it really depicts a place that is totally run down and dilapidated, with buildings falling apart and crumbling in disrepair, filth ridden streets with literal sewage water coming out of drain pipes, and a actual cave cover overhead, complete with stalactites, blocking out all sunlight except for few and far between pockets which break through holes in the rock ceiling. The most telling panels though are the ones which depict the violence and poverty of the place. We see a panel of a homeless man passed out on the street, painfully thin looking, and under him, two men in a fight, one beating the other violently. And the next panel shows us a little girl, sitting barefoot on the ground between two men who have just blown each other’s brains out with guns. Truly, this is a violent, dark, poverty-stricken place that breeds crime and depravation. The pages before this say that BECAUSE of the splendor of the Capital city above the Underground, this place exists, and that’s accurate. Because of the excesses and decadence of the rich and well off above these people rejected by society, that means fewer resources for the less fortunate. It’s truly tragic.

Alright, now I just want to move on to some small, but telling moments here while Levi and the others are being chased by Erwin and his crew.

When Isabel is bragging about how the MP’s never learn, referring to how they’ll never be able to catch their gang, she asks Levi if what she said was cool. Levi tells her “Don’t be stupid.” This might seem like Levi just blowing her off, but the way I read it, it seems more to me like Levi is warning her not to be cocky, not to be over confident, because that’s the kind of thing that can get you killed, or caught. Big Bro indeed! We also see how mindful Levi is here as a leader, when he tells them they can’t afford to lead the soldiers following them straight to their hideout, and clearly they have a plan in place for just this sort of thing.

More importantly, Levi is fast to realize these aren’t ordinary soldiers after them, which shows his great instincts, but what’s really interesting is his internal thoughts here. His logic is telling him regular MP’s wouldn’t work this hard to catch them, and that their skill with the ODM means they must be SC. But Levi doesn’t really believe it which, given what we later find out about the deal with Lobov, and Lobov warning them of Erwin’s plans, tells us that Levi never really believed the SC would come after them. He’s clearly surprised here.

Further, after informing Isabel and Furlan and confirming his suspicions, he tells Furlan that he’s got no intention of getting mixed up with “these guys”. This tells us Levi never wanted to go through with Furlan’s plans, never wanted to join the SC, never wanted anything to do with any of it. There’s further evidenced in this very chapter, which I’ll get to in a moment. But it tells us a lot about the dubious feelings Levi had from the start, and how he probably would have simply been happiest to stay in the Underground with his friends, even though it was a hard life.

Alright, so, this next part is a big deal, and it’s an overlooked detail which speaks volumes about the kind of person Levi is. I didn’t even notice this the first time I read it, so I want to talk about it. Levi separates from Isabel and Furlan, and takes Erwin and Mike on a wild chase through the back alley’s and narrow passages of the slums. He really tries to give them the run around here, until he flips over a door, into another area. What’s really important here is Levi’s dialog. He says first “... Lost ‘em, huh?” And then he says, “That got a little crazy... I hope... none of them crashed.” This is kind of amazing. Levi is showing actual concern for the two soldiers who’d just attempted to catch him and his friends, who were doggedly pursuing them with obviously bad intentions of some kind. And Levi, after having to resort to some serious ODM skills to shake them, says he hopes that none of them crashed. He doesn’t want Erwin or Mike to get hurt, he just wants to get away from them. Considering he doesn’t know either of them at this point, they’re just nameless, faceless military dogs trying to mess things up for him, that shows remarkable character.

Of course, things go downhill from there, when Mike crashes through the door and tackles him. All bets are off then, because Levi’s life is now in danger, and when that happens, he’ll resort to physical force. Still, he only throws Mike off of him and once again attempts to get away, only for it to be Erwin who swoops down and cuts Levi’s cables. This was actually really dangerous. Given Levi’s momentum and position, he crashes hard into a nearby wall before falling to the ground. So we already see some of that ruthlessness from Erwin here. Of course, that spurs Levi into violence himself. I have no doubt that when Levi lunges for Erwin and knocks his blade away, bringing his knife to his neck, he truly intended to kill him in that moment. Levi’s compassion for these soldiers can only go so far, considering the desperation of his own circumstances. If Mike hadn’t been there to stop it, I think Levi probably would have ripped Erwin’s jugular right out, and that would have been that, lol. And then, it’s important to note too WHY Levi stops. Not because Mike was able to physically restrain him, but because he tells Levi to look around himself, directing his attention to the fact that Furlan and Isabel have been caught. That immediately stays Levi’s hand, and once again, we’re shown how Levi puts the wellbeing of his friends above himself. He could have ditched Furlan and Isabel right then and there and escaped on his own. Instead, he allows himself to be restrained and cuffed. He refuses to abandon them.

Now the next scene is hugely important to a lot of stuff.

Erwin’s got Levi and his friends down on their knees, in the sewage, questioning them about their ODM skills, and the three of them stay silent, obviously defiant. We really get a good look at Erwin’s abilities as a manipulator here.

He’s pulling the whole good cop/bad cop routine on Levi, when he tells him “I’d like to avoid any rough treatment if I can” before looking to Mike in a clear signal for Mike to pretty damn violently tear Levi’s head back by his hair before smashing his face into the sewage on the ground. And this really IS sewage. It’s not mud. If you look at the panels, we see this brown muck coming out of drain pips attached to the surrounding buildings. This water is probably, literally, dirty with feces, and Erwin has Mike put Levi’s face in this and hold it there. Now let’s remember something important about Levi. He’s a clean freak. He obviously cares deeply about keeping both himself and his environment clean. Erwin couldn’t know this about him at the time, but nobody of course would be happy about having their face shoved into literal shit. But for Levi, I can only imagine this had to be tantamount to a kind of torture. Erwin keeps questioning him, looking down at him without any kind of emotion, and Levi remains stubbornly silent, despite how awful this must truly be for him. We get a close up of Levi’s eye in one of the panels, paralleled with Erwin’s own, and Levi’s expression really strikes me as one of awful humiliation. He goes from looking up at Erwin in rage, to looking away, staring straight ahead, while Erwin keeps looking down at him.

Still, Levi says nothing, and it’s Isabel who finally cracks, telling Erwin that they didn’t learn to use ODM from anyone, with Furlan further explaining that they taught themselves as a means of survival. He remarks that “anyone who doesn’t know what sewage tastes like couldn’t understand!”. Clearly, both of them are really upset to see this being done to Levi, and I have to imagine it’s at least in part because they know how awful an experience this has to be for him, given that they know how much he desires to stay clean. Their shocked expressions when Mike first pushes Levi’s face into the sewage says as much too.

But still, Levi remains silent as Erwin then demands to know Levi’s name. What Mike does to Levi in the next panel is even worse. He pushes his face into the sewage and holds him there until Levi literally starts to choke in it, for long enough that, when he finally does pull him up, Levi is gasping for breath. I really don’t see people talk enough about this scene, but, well...

It’s a torture scene. Erwin is ordering Mike to torture Levi here. It may not be the most extreme form of torture, it isn’t the type of physical violence we typically think of when we think of torture, but that’s what it is. It’s causing Levi both physical and mental degradation, as well as physical distress.

Even with this though, Levi’s still silent and refuses to answer Erwin at all.

It’s only when Erwin literally threatens the lives of Furlan and Isabel that he finally talks. This is such an important detail. Levi was willing to take what to him must have been truly horrific treatment, but as soon as Erwin gives the signal to the other two Scouts who have hold of his friends, we see Levi’s expression shift from defiant rage to wide eyed fear as they put their blades to Furlan’s and Isabel’s throats.

Finally Levi talks, calling Erwin a “bastard”, to which Erwin simply asks him again what his name is, and after a slight hesitation, Levi finally gives it.

I think this entire scene is vital in understanding WHY Levi was so violently pissed at Erwin, to the point of wanting to kill him.

I think it’s a combination of both the humiliation and torture he puts Levi through here, and, worse still, the fact that he threatens Isabel and Furlan’s lives. Levi already feels looked down upon by Erwin here, he already feels humiliated and embarrassed and as though he’s being treated like he’s worthless, because Erwin IS treating him like that here. All while Erwin stands there, expressionless, making statements like he doesn’t want to have to use any rough treatment, etc... while at the same time ordering Mike to do just that. Already, Erwin is sending Levi the message that he’s a liar and a manipulator who thinks nothing of putting another human being’s face in shit. And then, to top that off, he shows Levi that he’s willing to hurt, maybe even kill, his two friends to get what he wants.

Is it any wonder Levi hated Erwin as much as he did at the beginning? After a lifetime in the Underground where, from the time of his birth, he had to deal with him and those he cares about being treated like worthless trash. It would be a miracle if Levi DIDN’T want to kill Erwin at this point. To have to then submit to him willingly, after all of that, must have been beyond humiliating for him.

Erwin continues to be manipulative here too, when after Levi gives his name, Erwin’s attitude suddenly shifts, and he smiles at Levi and gets down on one knee with him, in the filth, his entire demeanor seeming to shift into an abruptly friendly one as he offers his deal to Levi. Again, that whole good cop/bad cop thing. At the same time, he continues to threaten Levi by telling him if he refuses his offer, he’ll hand them all over to the MP’s and that, given their crimes, they shouldn’t expect to be treated with any kind of decency. What’s kind of funny about this statement from Erwin is that up until now, Erwin and Mike have done anything but treat Levi decently.

Okay, one more important point to make about this chapter, and it goes back to what I said earlier about Levi not wanting anything to do with the SC, and how that tells us Levi really didn’t want to go through with Furlan’s plans.

After Erwin makes his offer, we see Levi look over at Furlan, who’s giving him an intent look, and in the next panel, we see an almost surprised, or astonished look on Levi’s face, like he can’t believe Furlan is asking him to do this, before he grits his teeth in obvious frustration, and then accepts Erwin’s offer to join the SC. What this tells us is that Levi only takes Erwin’s offer because Furlan wanted him to. Because this was all part of Furlan’s plan, to go through with Lobov’s commission, to get caught by the SC, etc... It’s clear Levi never wanted this, and he’s upset at having to do it. But the fact he agrees after looking over at Furlan and seeing him implore Levi with his eyes tells us, once again, that Levi is willing to sacrifice his own desires for the desires of others. That being his two friends.

For them, he’ll join the Survey Corps, even as every one of his instincts is probably screaming at him that this is a bad idea.

Anyway, those are my thoughts for the first chapter of “No Regrets”. There’s a lot more to unpack in this manga than I think people realize. I hope whoever took the time to read my long ass post found it at least a little worth while. I’ll be moving on to chapter two next!

3. Chapter 2: One Arrow

Alright, so onto chapter 2 of “No Regrets”.

I want to talk a little about these opening panels, when Levi, Furlan and Isabel are being driven to HQ by carriage. They seem unimportant, but I think they’re actually really important in understanding Levi’s psychology going into this new situation they’re all in.

We see the interior of the carriage, with Levi and the other two, along with an escort from the SC. Furlan and Isabel are both looking out the window of the carriage, and in particular, Isabel seems incredibly excited and in awe of the passing view. She’s stood up, with her face pressed to the window. And in the next panel, we see her looking at a little girl with her mother, dressed nicely and holding a doll. This really encapsulates everything Isabel herself has probably never had. A reliable mother to take care of her, fancy clothes and toys to play with. Essentially, an actual childhood. We see Isabel’s face in the window, and her mouth is open in wonder, her eyes wide. Like she can’t believe what she’s seeing. It emphasizes the depravation and lack of privilege she’s endured all her life. Meanwhile, by contrast, Levi sits there with his head bowed down, ignoring the passing scenery, looking deeply unhappy, even depressed. When he does look up though, he sees Isabel looking out the window, and on the close up shot of him, he’s got an almost thoughtful expression, if still extremely dour. No doubt, Levi is feeling uneasy and uncertain about the situation they’ve all gotten themselves into here, but I’m also sure that he’s unable to ignore the bubbling over excitement of Isabel, her obvious joy in being, at last, on the surface. I’ll get more into this later in the post, when we see Levi really considering his friends and their dreams, and how it influences and dictates his own decisions.

But first lets talk a little about Erwin and his role in all of this.

Now at the time this series came out, Erwin’s actual, motivating reasons for doing what he does weren’t yet known, so it’s interesting to read into his actions in this story with that context. I have no doubt that Erwin really DOES care about humanity, and wants to fight for it, and its salvation. But as we come to learn from the main series, he places his own dream of proving his father right about the existence of human’s beyond the walls above what’s best for humanity, and it puts his actions in this story into an interesting, if harsher light.

No doubt, Erwin is a master manipulator. He plays both sides expertly against the middle in this story, and I’ll get more into it by the end, when his actual plan is revealed to Levi. But what I don’t see often discussed is how, exactly, Erwin got all the parts moving in the direction he wanted, to obtain a specific outcome, and how he pretty ruthlessly uses so many people as pawns to do so. It’s obvious from the context of what we later learn in the story that Erwin first spread a rumor about having evidence against Lovof stealing funds in order to force him into tipping his hand by trying to make a preemptive move. What I see people miss all the time, or at least, fail to discuss, is how Erwin also, at the same time, made it public knowledge within the Capital, that he would be going after a group of thugs in the Underground who had shown exceptional skill using ODM gear, and that he would be making contact with them as soon as possible to try and enlist them into military service, and how Erwin made these plans public specifically to encourage Lobov into seeking out Levi and his friends for the exact purpose of both implicating Lobov in a crime, and gaining Levi’s and his friends strength for the SC. One, by hiring a group of criminals to steal from Erwin and attempt to assassinate him, so he could use that as leverage in case he wasn’t able to obtain proof of Lobov’s further criminal activities, thus having two means of getting rid of one of the SC’s biggest threats, and at the same time, also manage to score for the SC the exceptional skill of Levi and his friends through forced enlistment. He even says to Zackely at one point “I intend to make use of anyone who has even the smallest potential during this expedition.”. Erwin manipulated and had control of this entire scenario from the start, and from behind these scenes moved all of these people exactly how he wanted to, to achieve his goals. That’s pretty impressive, but also pretty scary. Well, I’ll talk more about all of that when we get to it later on.

Back to Levi and his friends though.

We see them arrive at the SC HQ, and a really important conversation happens between Levi and Furlan.

Furlan seems like he’s almost bitten off more than he can chew here, beginning to express his concern to Levi about what joining the SC actually means, before Levi cuts him off, telling him he’s got no intention of enlisting, and that he only agreed to come along so that he could get closer to Erwin and then kill him. I think Levi genuinely felt murderous towards Erwin at this point, and really means what he says here, at least about killing him. Though given the end of chapter 1, with the significant look shared between Levi and Furlan, and Levi’s begrudging acceptance of Erwin’s offer, it’s obvious that Levi also agreed to come because that’s what Furlan wanted him to do, to give them the opportunity they needed. Levi’s just feeling incredibly emotional here, I think, with the way Erwin treated all of them hot on his mind. Furlan tries to implore Levi to forget about killing Erwin, that it isn’t necessary anymore because of his own plan, and the almost certainty that Lobov and his people won’t ever try to make contact with them again. He tells Levi, if he just listens to him and follows his plan, “I know it’ll work. Trust me, Levi.” Furlan asking him to trust him pulls a meaningful look from Levi, seeming to break through Levi’s angry insistence on killing Erwin. This is where the manga improved on Levi’s characterization and motivation by leaps and bounds over the visual novel, because in the next few panels, we see Levi walking away, with Furlan calling after him, concerned, but we get to see Levi’s inner thoughts, and he’s remembering specifically Furlan insisting to him that “one day, we’ll get outta this trash heap and live up above.” We see Levi thinking about Furlan’s hopes and dreams in these panels, and he has a saddened, and guilt-ridden look on his face, like he feels bad about having dismissed Furlan’s plans back there in favor of his own plans for revenge. We didn’t get any of this in the visual novel, instead the text there making Levi look like he refused to consider anyones position but his own in this whole situation. But here, Levi is clearly concerned with and considering Furlan’s desires.

We go into a flashback then, with Furlan explaining to Levi his plans, telling him that “nothing’s gone according to plan... But with you here we’ll really be able to raise hell.” Furlan’s trying to explain to Levi that since he now has Levi’s strength to rely on, they can actually get something done once they get into the Survey Corps. It almost seems like Furlan’s been planning on trying something like this, or at least, had some sort of loose plan about getting to the surface, even before he met Levi. It’s obviously something he’s been dreaming about for a long time.

Then Isabel comes back, and she’s been roughed up and assaulted, and we learn from Furlan asking her if she went to see those “low-life scumbags again?” that this has obviously happened to her before, that she’s been associating with some bad people and it’s gotten her hurt. She denies it and lies about having just tripped, but clearly neither Levi or Furlan are buying that. Levi asks Isabel what happened to her hair, and Isabel reacts badly, running away and hiding in her room. We get a close up of Levi holding a knife in his hands, foreshadowing his own intentions. Later that night, Furlan hears Isabel crying in her room, and her chanting to herself over and over that she’s going to “kill you”, presumably meaning the men that hurt her earlier. Furlan stands there lamenting that he thinks both Levi and Isabel are going “mad”, and that all they can think about is dragging everyone else down to where they are. He’s obviously terrified that he’s going to lose both his friends to the savagery and ruthlessness of the Underground, that both of them are going to end up becoming lost to their own anger and pain. He starts to say “That’s why I...” before Levi suddenly comes back in, holding a bloody knife, clearly having returned from exacting revenge on the men who hurt Isabel. Furlan asks Levi “Did you kill them...?”, and Levi doesn’t answer, but we see a completely resigned, even sad look on his face. This of course is the world Levi comes from. It’s the world he was raised in. A world of kill or be killed. Levi must have figured, if he didn’t go out and kill those men that had hurt Isabel now, then someday, they would end up going too far with her, and kill her instead. But Furlan clearly doesn’t understand, and doesn’t relate to that kind of mindset, despite coming from the Underground too. Of course, Furlan wasn’t raised by Kenny the Ripper either. This is how Levi was taught to deal with his problems, and Furlan can only see him spiraling into an abyss from which he fears Levi won’t return.

We cut back to the present then, and Levi is sitting up on the roof of the SC HQ, again remembering Furlan’s words about “This is our chance. Trust me.”. Getting to the surface and finding better lives for themselves is Furlan’s dream. The fact that Levi keeps remembering it, keeps remembering Furlan insisting and pushing the idea of the possibility of living on the surface, shows that this is probably something he would talk about all the time with Levi, trying to get him to agree to it, to believe in it. Once again, Levi is contemplating the hopes and dreams of his friends. We get another close up of him holding a knife, and it represents, I think, his struggle between his desire for revenge against Erwin, and his desire to help Furlan realize what, to Levi, is probably an unrealistic goal.

We then get Furlan and Isabel joining Levi, commenting on how beautiful the night sky is, and asking Levi how he could keep it to himself. Levi snips testily at Furlan that him and Isabel are so loud, that he’d be too irritated to get any killing done, and then Furlan looking clearly unsettled by the remark. But it’s obvious, given the context of the previous panels of Levi’s thinking about Furlan’s dream, that Levi is just being peevish and saying things out of frustration and confusion. He doesn’t really mean what he says here. He’s taking his frustration out on Furlan by saying what he knows will upset him the most. What this also tells us is that Levi is very much aware of how bothered Furlan is by Levi’s willingness to kill. He isn’t at all oblivious to it, and given his resigned, saddened expression after coming back from killing the men who assaulted Isabel, I would say Levi even understands Furlan’s dismay. That’s a glimpse at Levi’s famous compassion.

The next panels show the three of them bonding, sitting together and admiring the night sky. Isabel asks Levi if the stars are as pretty as where he used to live. I’m just going to chalk the mistake in continuity here up to this manga coming out before, I believe, Levi’s backstory of being born in a brothel in the Underground was established by Isayama. Regardless of this mistake, this is an important moment between the three of them. You can see the awe and wonder they all feel, looking up and seeing the sky fully for what has to be the first time in all their lives. Remember, all three of them have lived literally underground their entire lives, with little to no sunlight, stagnant, stale air, hideously unclean living conditions, etc... It must be overwhelming to them , just to see nature in all its splendor like that. It’s after sharing this moment together that Levi tells Furlan that he’s decided he won’t kill Erwin for now. He looks at him and says “I’m going to trust you.”. And Furlan smiles at him, clearly happy and relieved. This scene is really important, because we’re seeing Levi choose Furlan’s dream over his own desire for revenge. We see Levi place Furlan’s desires over his own, which is totally in line with how Levi is in the main AoT storyline. He decides his revenge can wait, that it’s not as important as helping Furlan achieve his goals. What’s particularly remarkable about this, I think, is that it doesn’t appear that Levi ever dreamed of going to the surface himself, and likely that he never even considered it a possibility. So just like Levi fights, later on, for a world without fear and violence, for humanity’s salvation, even as all his life experiences tell him it likely isn’t possible, we see the Levi doing the same here, deciding to fight for his friend’s dream, even as to him, it seems unrealistic. It’s obviously a pivotal moment too, when Levi tells him he’s going to trust him, because this ties in hugely with the theme which applies so much to Levi throughout the whole series, of never knowing if it’s better to rely on himself solely, to trust himself, or to trust and rely on his friends and their capabilities. Levi chooses, here, to trust in his friends, and that will obviously have it’s own ramifications down the line. Again, this is an area in which the manga improves radically over the visual novel, which had no instances whatsoever of Levi struggling with the question of the choices we make, which is absurd, since it’s one of the driving factors behind who Levi is, and how he ultimately came to see the world as he does. It was precisely this struggle between choices, between trying to choose correctly, giving so much thought and effort to our choices, and still sometimes coming out wrong, that shaped Levi into being able to accept his lack of control and instead of regretting it, using it to keep fighting.

4. Chapter 3: ... Of Revolution

Okay, so on to chapter 3 of “No Regrets”!

I’ve got a few observations, so I’ll just delve in.

First thing, and once again, I found this a huge improvement over the visual novel, but we get more insight here into the reason Erwin was so intent on recruiting Levi. During the scene in which he’s arguing with the other squad leaders about letting a group of “criminals” into their organization, Erwin pushes back against the other scouts deriding Levi and his friends. I really loved Erwin’s line here, where he says “You’re right. These people had no training. They did not earn wings from us. They grew their own, out of necessity.” This shows us that Erwin has a grasp and an appreciation for the hardship Levi and his friends faced while growing up, while most of the other SC leaders and even regular recruits can only look down on them and see them as gutter trash. This shows Erwin’s own scope of vision, his ability to look past a person’s upbringing and background and not make judgments about them based on that. More telling still is his comment about how “those wings will play a part in revolutionizing this organization.”. He wanted Levi’s skills in particular because he knew having someone like Levi around, with exceptional ability, would shift the way they all fight Titans. He was, as always, looking for ways to increase the effectiveness of the SC, and was willing to do whatever he could, and through any means necessary, to ensure it.

The next thing that caught my attention is the glare Levi and Erwin share during the trio’s introduction to the rest of the soldiers. Erwin’s right in front of Levi, standing there, reminding him of his anger and humiliation no doubt, and I think that leads directly into and impacts the next scene, when Flagon shows them their sleeping arrangements. Levi’s already no doubt irritated by having to see Erwin again, and then Flagon makes his frankly deeply disparaging remark about Levi and his friends having spent their whole lives living in a trash heap, implying that they’re filthy gutter trash, and so surely are incapable of keeping themselves and their environment clean. Levi, understandably, reacts badly to this, and gets in Flagon’s face, asking him what he just said, before Furlan intervenes. When you consider the way Erwin already made Levi feel so humiliated and Levi’s subsequent anger at it, then having to see Erwin again not long before this scene, and hearing Flagon just callously make an accusation like that must have only infuriated Levi more. I think, once again, the manga is doing an infinitely better job of portraying the tension, then, that’s starting to form between Levi and Furlan. Furlan scolds Levi after Flagon leaves, almost talking down to him when he says “Didn’t I tell you not to cause trouble?!”. Almost like he’s talking to some misbehaving little kid. Levi’s expression in the following panel says a lot, I think. Levi looks almost chastised, like he knows he’s upset Furlan, before he tries to explain himself, asking Furlan “Didn’t you hear how he talked about us? Like shit calling shit dirty.”. It’s really interesting what this says about the power dynamic in their relationship. Levi is ostensibly the leader of their group, but Furlan’s acting, in a lot of ways, like he’s the one in charge and he expects Levi to fall in line. Clearly, he’s not afraid of scolding Levi, or challenging him. All of Furlan’s insistence that they lay low and not do anything to draw attention to themselves must only be chaffing though at Levi’s already heated feelings about the kind of treatment they’re receiving, how they’re being talked down to, etc... It must be galling to him, to see Furlan not seeming to care that they’re all being so deeply disrespected. But he still continues to defer to Furlan, and agree to go along with his plan for now, though he makes his displeasure known by calling it a pain in the ass.

But seeing Erwin, and then being treated the way they were by Flagon, seems to have rekindled Levi’s desire to take his revenge, and he reminds Furlan that he’ll continue to go along with his plan, but that he’s still going to kill Erwin. Once again, we see Levi being pulled in two different directions. He’s giving priority to Furlan’s plans and wishes, but he’s still thinking about getting Erwin back. He’s annoyed that they weren’t assigned to Erwin’s squad, probably because it means it’s going to limit their contact, giving him less opportunities to kill him. Another line that I think signifies Lev’s annoyance at Furlan and how, well, dismissive he is of Levi’s own feelings, is after he tells them they have to clean the area around their beds before leaving for training, and in response to Isabel’s protests, he says “You wouldn’t want me to cause trouble, would you?”. He’s throwing Furlan’s words back in his face here, and it seems clear to me that Levi is frustrated and doesn’t appreciate the way Furlan’s been talking to him, or how little consideration for his own wishes he’s shown. There’s a lot of tension there.

Another really important scene is the one in the training yard, so I’ll got through it here.

Particularly when Isabel is talking to the Scout helping her with horse riding, and they get to talking about life in the Underground, and then Levi. What Isabel says, and the visual of the panel here, is particularly powerful. She says “It got so I thought I was gonna die. But life’s a little better since Levi saved me from that.”. And we see in the panel Levi lifting Isabels’ head up, obviously checking if she’s alive. There’s all these people, collapsed around her, and the fact that Levi is checking to see if she’s alive is interesting, because it makes me think this is something Levi would regularly do. That he would check to see if anyone was alive when he came across people collapsed in the streets. It’s probably not unusual to come across dead bodies in the Underground, and for someone like Levi, who’s lived there all his life, he’s no doubt seen plenty. The fact he checks Isabel shows a lack of callousness towards the sight, which is incredible, to not become uncaring or apathetic towards suffering, even when you’re surrounded by it your whole life. It’s a highly unusual quality to have, but of course, it makes perfect sense for Levi, who’s so full of compassion.

Nevertheless, it would have been simpler for him to just keep moving and ignore her, but instead he stopped, and when he discovered she was still alive, he took her in and gave her food and shelter and a home. She would have died otherwise. Levi had no obligation towards her, he had no, really good reason to do something so selfless, and yet, he did. And this truly is remarkable, especially when you consider the kind of cut throat world Levi grew up in, the kind of ruthless people he’d encountered, and even lived with, like Kenny, all his life.

Then there’s Furlan’s discussion with another soldier, and his story about Levi. The most interesting thing Furlan says here is how, after his own friends turned on him, he’s followed Levi ever since. And then he says “Though it might be problematic making him any kind of leader!”. It’s interesting what this reveals to us about Levi. People want to follow him because he’s so strong, but Levi himself has no desire for power, or control over others. People willingly attach themselves to him, because they think Levi can protect them, but Levi isn’t any kind of natural leader. So we know Levi was more or less forced into the role of leader by way of others seeking him out and assigning him that role. What’s interesting about this is how it, once again, reveals the kind of person Levi is. He could easily have rejected all of these people and abandoned them. One thing we know is that Levi didn’t need any help surviving on his own in the Underground. But instead Levi allows them to stay with him and willingly offers his help and protection, and though it’s probably more of a pain and a nuisance to him than anything else. It shows that Levi’s never been able to turn away from those seeking his help.

Which leads nicely into the next scene.

I’ve talked about this scene before, and how disappointed I was that they didn’t include it in the OVA. This also wasn’t included in the visual novel, which is, once more, just another way in which the manga is superior.

Flagon is once again criticizing Levi for holding his blades “wrong”, telling him he’s going to end up getting killed outside the walls. And then the training exercise begins, and we see one of the other soldiers trying to compete with Levi, and growing increasingly incensed and annoyed at Levi’s prowess. He thinks “These vagrants with no knowledge as soldiers...” and then “I trained half to death, and these criminals think they’re better?!”. What’s interesting is to see that while this soldier is fuming internally over Levi’s perceived slight of him, glaring at him angrily, Levi clearly hasn’t even taken notice of him. This isn’t a competition to Levi at all. He’s just there to do the exercises. He’s staring straight ahead, blank faced as always.

Now what happens next is once more hugely revealing as to Levi’s character. The infuriated soldier decides he’s not going to accept that Levi’s better than him, and so he intentionally pushes off of a tree and cuts Levi off mid-flight. What struck me about this is how incredibly dangerous it was. Levi’s going, presumably, full speed, through this obstacle course, and this dude, out of petty jealousy, cuts him off by flying right in front of and past him, forcing Levi to pull back and change direction. A stunt like this could have easily resulted in serious injury for Levi, or even death, if he weren’t as gifted as he is. To top it off, this soldier then brags about it, calling out to Levi “Don’t get left behind!”. Of course, his arrogance leads to immediate disaster, as the soldier that went through the course before lost one of their blades in the dummy Titan, and this dude’s flying towards it at top speed, with no way to stop himself or change direction in time. He’s about to be impaled by a blade. Considering the danger he’s just placed Levi in, then, it truly is a testament to Levi’s goodness, that he launches off the tree he’s stopped on, racing ahead and slicing the stray blade free before the other soldier can make contact, resulting in him harmlessly crashing into the pad, instead of dying. This really shows how Levi’s first instinct is always to help others. Even when others have just not only treated him badly, but even endangered his life. He doesn’t owe this soldier anything, and by all rights should be extremely pissed at him for his petty display before. But instead Levi just automatically reacts to his life being threatened by saving the man. He doesn’t even scold him afterward or express anger, just flies off and continues the course.

What makes this whole thing kind of sad is both the soldier’s and Flagon’s reaction to this. The soldier is still angry and upset over Levi’s superior ability, wondering how he can be so fast, not even sparring a thought of appreciation for him just saving his life. And then Flagon grudgingly admits to Levi��s fighting prowess, but continues to doubt him and his ability to stay disciplined. Even after saving one of his own men’s lives, he still continues to look down on Levi. That’s pretty messed up. Levi glares back at him after, as if to say “Who’s the one who’s going to get people killed out there?”. Levi saved a soldiers life, while Flagon could only sit and watch. It’s interesting too how this, tragically, foreshadows what’s to come though, with Levi not being able to save the people he cares the most about. But we’ll get into that when we get there.

Also, just gotta mention also the way Levi reacts to Isabel’s getting upset after he bonks her in the head and calls her stupid. He looks surprised when she starts crying, and it’s clear he didn’t mean to actually hurt her feelings, and it’s just really sweet, the way he rubs her head after. He obviously felt bad.

5. Chapter 4: Proof

Alright, just a few things to say about chapter 4 of “No Regrets”.

One thing that I love that was in the manga that, once again, wasn’t in the visual novel, was Levi’s reaction as they ride out from Shinganshina, as well as Furlan’s and Isabel’s. This kind of internal exploration of these characters who had never been to the surface, who had spent their whole lives in darkness, getting to see the sky for the first time, was something that was entirely absent from the visual novel, and it’s one of its biggest weaknesses. But here, we see Levi looking up at the stone structure of the wall gate, and for a moment, he imagines the ceiling of the Underground, before they emerge out into the open and the full view of the sky appears for the first time. Levi squints up at the glaring sun, and we see an expression of genuine awe and amazement on his face, as well as Furlan and Isabel. This is the first time any of them have experienced anything like this, and the overwhelming beauty of it for them is wonderfully visualized here. The way Levi goes from seeing the claustrophobia and imprisonment of the Underground, and how that opens up into a clear, blue, ending sky, really symbolizes him experiencing for the first time in his life a kind of freedom he’s never before had. And there’s something incredibly moving, but also incredibly tragic about that.

Now another point I want to address, where the manga and anime both differ from the visual novel, in a really vital way, is how here, we see Furlan lamenting that they’ve left the walls, saying “This is terrible. I never meant to leave the walls. If we’d followed the plan, we would have grabbed them and snuck away by now!”. This shows that they’ve been looking for the documents in vain for several months now, and still have yet to find them. Furlan’s plan had obviously originally been to find them and then get out of dodge, but because they weren’t able, they ended up having to wait around longer, until the time came for the expedition. Now how this is presented in the visual novel really struck me as horrifically out of character for Levi. In the novel, it’s explained that the reason they haven’t left is because Levi kept insisting that he had to kill Erwin, refusing to leave until he could do so, and if not for that, Furlan would have forgotten about the documents and simply had them all desert the SC, back to the Underground. Levi intentionally ignoring the safety of his friends for revenge on Erwin really goes against everything we know about him from canon, and was a pretty glaring detail, so I’m glad they nixed that here. There’s no mention of Levi forcing them to stay because of his need for revenge, but rather an implication that none of them were willing to leave until they got the documents. They took this a step further in the OVA even, with that one scene in which Levi argues with Furlan and Isabel, insisting that if it comes to them having to leave the walls, he’s going to go alone, and he wants them to stay behind. This really is an important distinction to make in Levi’s characterization. We know he always places the safety of his comrades above all else, if he can, and tries his best to keep them alive. And the whole reason he agreed to Furlan’s plan in the first place was because he wanted to help Furlan’s and Isabel’s dream of living up above come true. He would never purposefully endanger their lives, or so thoughtlessly dismiss their safety. This is something which gets further corrected later in the story, too, when Levi makes his fateful choice, and I’ll get more into it there as well. One detail though is how Levi tells Furlan not to worry, that he’ll “do something about the Titans.”. Levi clearly believes in his own strength, and believes it will be enough to protect his friends at this point, which goes back to the theme of him struggling to know which is better to rely on, oneself, or ones comrades. Here, he’s relying on himself to protect them. He asks Furlan “Don’t you trust me?”. He’s reminding Furlan that he’s never let him down before, and he promises he won’t now either.

We see Furlan later finding that full trust again, when Levi engages with the abnormal titan, and sees his fearlessness, giving him his own strength to fight. It speaks volumes about the kind of camaraderie shared between all three of them, that they’re able to work so smoothly and effectively together the first time any of them have ever fought a Titan, and how deeply Furlan and Isabel trust Levi to get them through any dangerous situation, as they willingly follow him into battle.

6. Chapter 5: Hearts

Alright, onto chapter 5 of “No Regrets” and then I’ll do the last three chapters tomorrow.

The first thing I took note of was how after everyone gets to the castle ruins, Levi reminds Furlan and Isabel that they’re still outside the walls, and that anything could happen, so they should “stay sharp.”. Once again we see Levi being concerned with the safety of his friends, remind them not to put their guards down. This leads into the next scene, where Furlan remarks that he never thought they’d be able to stop a titan so easily, and reaffirms his faith in Levi’s strength by saying as long as Levi’s with them, they’ll survive somehow. Levi responds to this with some self-doubt, which is really interesting and will tie into some other observations I’ve made about this chapter, later on. He says if there’s more than one of those abnormal titans, he’s not so sure they’ll be alright. Clearly, he’s concerned for the wellbeing of his friends while they’re on the outside like this. He doesn’t feel totally confident.

He then asks Furlan if he’s sure Erwin’s brought the documents with him outside the Walls, which tells us that they’ve obviously had previous discussions about this, that it was a group decision between them, of the necessity of leaving the walls in order to get close enough to Erwin to get the papers. Furlan says he made sure, talking about how he searched Erwin’s office top to bottom, observing that he found a bunch of unrelated documents, and in particular, a locked drawer which he found suspicious. Now what I find interesting here is Furlan’s internal thoughts, because I think he realized Erwin’s intentions already, but he dismissed his suspicions based on them seeming unlikely to him. But in his memory, he thinks, when he sees the locked drawer, that it’s almost like it was made to be searched, and upon opening it, he finds plenty of secret looking documents, but not the ones they need. He then wonders if Erwin is trying to tell him that they’re not there. What’s so interesting about this is just how deep is shows Erwin’s manipulation of this situation actually goes, and how many steps ahead he actually is. We saw in chapter 3 how Erwin was standing at his office window, observing Furlan, which tells us that he was always aware that Furlan was going to try and find the documents, which in turn lead to Erwin arranging his office to nudge Furlan in the right direction, of thinking the documents aren’t anywhere at HQ. Furlan picks up on this possibility, that Erwin is in fact manipulating them, wondering to himself if Erwin WANTS him to think he has the papers on him, giving him the “run around”, but he dismisses the thought out of hand a moment later. What this tells me is just how in control Erwin is here, and it made me think that it’s possible Erwin influenced Furlan’s thinking in this direction, to assuming Erwin had the papers with him, as a means of keeping him, Levi and Isabel there in the military longer, delaying their escape, so that he could intentionally force them outside the walls on an expedition, so he could see what they were actually capable of. At the end of chapter 4, after seeing Levi take down that abnormal titan, he observes to himself, “So your wings are the real thing, after all, Levi.”. This is just speculation on my part, but given what a masterful manipulator Erwin really is, I wouldn’t be surprised if this was his plan the whole time, knowing Levi and his friends wouldn’t and couldn’t leave until they had the documents.

Alright, next observation. It’s kind of funny how, after laying out his plan to search Erwin’s bags with Isabel, and asking Levi to guard the passageway Erwin went down with Shadis, and to stop him if he started to come back before they were finished, Levi’s first assumption is that he should start a fight with Erwin, lol.

More interesting is when Furlan says to Levi “Don’t kill him, even by accident. After all, if we lose an officer outside the walls, we’ll be in trouble, too.”. Because it tells us that they weren’t ever planning on killing Erwin outside of the walls when they went out on expedition. The goal was to try and find the documents, and hoping going beyond the walls would yield an opportunity to do so. This is another, vital change from the visual novel. In that, Levi is still obsessing over killing Erwin, over any consideration for the original plan, ranting even that he’s going to make Erwin get down on his knees and beg for his life before killing him, and that just struck me as wildly out of character for him. They wisely took out that entire piece of dialog here, and instead we lead into a scene of Levi guarding the passageway, and remembering the whole reason for why he agreed to come to the surface in the first place. We go into a flashback of Lovof’s messenger making contact with Levi and the others, propositioning them with Lovof’s commission. What’s really important in this scene is Levi’s initial reaction to the proposal. He’s immediately skeptical and disbelieving, and doesn’t want anything to do with it. He tells the messenger so, and tells him “Go back up there and I’ll pretend I didn’t hear anything.”. Levi shows great instincts here, sensing the danger present for him and his friends, and outright rejects any association. It’s Furlan, then, who steps in and shows interest in the deal, calling the messenger back. Levi’s clearly confused, but yields to Furlan’s look, and Furlan proceeds to tell the messenger that they’ll have to think about it, but that they’re interested. Levi’s clearly not happy about this, and once the messenger leaves, he begins to protest, but Furlan cuts him off and starts to lay out his plan to tail the messenger to find out who his employer is. Isabel expresses disbelief that Furlan actually means to go through with this plan, and Furlan again brings up the dream of making it out of the Underground, talking about how rare a chance it is, to actually live in the Capital, obviously trying to entice both Levi and Isabel with the notion. Levi points out that even if they get the documents, it’ll just lead to them being Lovof’s next targets, and Furlan responds with his plan to blackmail Lovof instead. Levi’s still dubious on this idea, asking Furlan if he really thinks “those pigs will care about a threat from the Underground?”, and Furlan responds that it’s worth a shot. He then implores Levi and Isabel again, saying “Come on, you two, don’t you want to make it up there?”, and we cut back to Levi in the present, contemplating Furlan’s words. Again, we see Levi thinking long and hard on Furlan’s dreams here, over any thoughts he has of Erwin or revenge. He’s prioritizing Furlan’s wishes over his own still, thoughts occupied by what his friend wants.

Now, this leads into a really interesting and meaningful encounter with Erwin.

Well, the first thing I notice in the exchange is when Erwin calls Levi’s friends his “subordinates”, and Levi responds with “They’re not my subordinates…”. This tells us so much about how he views himself in relation to Furlan and Isabel. He doesn’t see himself as their leader. He doesn’t want to control them. He just sees himself as their friend, and protector.

Now the conversation between Levi and Erwin gets really interesting when Erwin starts talking about having seen Levi take down the abnormal titan from earlier, and he observes that with a natural like Levi around, the others must feel safer. Levi looks at Erwin with wide eyes, before responding to him that the reason he was able to figure out how to fight that titan before was because he watched how it moved as it ate another soldier. I think Levi’s feelings of guilt here are pretty obvious. He feels bad for having watched another soldier die, and using his observations while watching to figure out how to kill the titan. It’s like he’s arguing with Erwin here, telling him the others shouldn’t feel safer with him around, that they shouldn’t rely on him. Levi is showing doubt in himself here, again, just like earlier when he pushed back again Furlan’s claims that as long as he’s with them, they’ll be safe. Interestingly, it’s Erwin who essentially tells Levi here that he shouldn’t feel guilty, that the SC is built on those types of sacrifices, and that as long as they’re fighting to take back the world for humanity, none of the soldiers there would feel regret for dedicating themselves to such a cause. I think this is actually the start of the turning point in how Levi views Erwin. He looks at him here with an almost astonished expression, like he’s seeing Erwin in a sudden, new light. Like he’s starting to doubt his own, initial impressions of him, and wonder if maybe he wasn’t totally right. But before he can think on it further, Isabel shows up and calls him away.

Levi then learns that Furlan and Isabel weren’t able to find the documents, essentially confirming that if they’re anywhere, they have to be on Erwin’s person, which leads to the inevitability of having to kill him if they want to get their hands on the papers. Levi’s find with this, because it’s what he wants to do anyway, even as Furlan shows continued apprehension.

And then we get the scene with Hange.

It’s pretty funny that Levi was about to gut Hange, for real, when he thought she had overheard their conversation. It tells us how far he’s willing to go though to protect his friends.

Still, this whole scene is actually pretty moving, in its way. Because Hange is really the first person to express genuine gratitude towards Levi and his friends, and treat them as genuine equals, to which we see Isabel in particular respond after seemingly being unimpressed. Even Levi seems stunned, muttering out “thanks”, like he doesn’t know what else to say as Hange heaps praise on them. It’s also funny how Furlan has to remind Levi to “be nice.”. Poor Levi just doesn’t know how to socialize.

But the important part of this scene is when Hange points out how everyone there is wanting to know how Levi was able to take down a titan so easily, drawing their attention, and Levi’s in particular, to the other soldiers watching them. Hange affirms what Erwin had said to Levi earlier, about how his presence there made the others feel safer, when she says “You’ve given them hope that humans don’t have to lose to the titans if we fight correctly.”. And we see here, I think, the first seeds being planted in Levi’s mind that he might be able to do more, that he might be able to actually help these people. He’s been told as much twice in quick succession. I think this is where Levi starts to get the idea for the first time that he might have found somewhere where he belongs. We’ll get more into this next chapter, when I talk about his conversation with Isabel. But for now, after Hange asks him again if he has any advice, he tells them he just has his own way of doing things, and he can’t teach it to anybody. When she tries to insist, he blows her off and looks away.

Furlan asks Levi, after Hange leaves, what the big deal is in just showing them some simple trick, and Levi says he doesn’t want to be responsible for the loves of anyone other than you two. This is really important, because it again tells us a lot about Levi’s psychology here. He doesn’t want to teach these people how to fight because he doesn’t want to be responsible for them getting hurt or killed. Just as he expressed discomfort earlier with what Erwin said, and his own sense of guilt over how he figured out how to fight the titan, Levi really seems to me like he’s afraid here of failing to protect others, and actually harbors deep doubts about his own ability to do so. So even as we know people tend to flock around Levi and follow him in the belief he can protect them, Levi himself is afraid that he isn’t strong enough to help them the way they want him to. It’s indicative of someone who’s experienced deep loss in their life, which we know Levi has at this point. Someone who’s afraid of making attachments because he doesn’t want to have to experience the pain of that loss ever again. And it shows a painful insecurity in Levi. He wants to help people, but he doesn’t want to end up failing them, or doing something which could lead to them getting hurt or killed. He doesn’t want to be responsible for their lives, because he’s afraid he can’t be.

Furlan tells him not to be so dramatic, and Levi doesn’t say anything in return, but we see a resigned, saddened look on his face, like he knows Furlan wouldn’t understand if he tried to explain how he feels.

Then we get Isabel’s comment about not understanding trying to take back the world for humanity, but her starting to realize the Scouts genuinely believe in what they’re doing. We see Levi’s silence again in response, but this one is more contemplative. He himself is starting to realize the same as Isabel. That these people really believe in what they’re saying. And again we go back to the first seeds of a sense of belonging starting to develop in Levi, even before his big moment with Erwin at the end. He’s starting to sense that maybe he’s found a place where he belongs, where he can actually use his abilities in a way that could make an actual difference in the world. It’s subconscious at this point, but Levi is starting to get that sense I think.

7. Chapter 6: Living Creatures

Okay, onto chapter 6 of “No Regrets”!

So the first thing I want to jump into here is, once again, something which the manga vastly improved on over the visual novel, and that was the scene following the flashback to Levi and his friends learning about the long-distance scouting formation before the expedition, and then Flagon’s instructions to them in the present. I don’t think this scene was even included in the visual novel, but it’s indispensable in understanding Levi’s mindset going into the fateful final act.

Isabel gets carried away by Flagon’s speech, and ends up saluting, expressing genuine enthusiasm for the SC’s cause, before realizing what she’s done and turning around, seeing Levi and Furlan looking back at her in silence. Furlan looks unimpressed, while Levi wears his usual stoic expression. You can’t tell one way or the other what he’s thinking, which is why the next scene is so hugely important, because we get a look into his inner thoughts.

I saw another person say not long ago that in this scene, Isabel expresses a desire to join the SC, and Levi blows her off and ignores her, only thinking about his revenge on Erwin, and to that person, I would like to ask ‘What scene were you reading?’, because that’s pretty much the opposite of what happens here. This scene reveals so much about Levi’s own, inner conflict, and how he’s beginning HIMSELF to understand and even sympathize with the cause of the SC, and the soldiers who have dedicated themselves to it. Let’s dissect it here a bit.

The scene takes place at night, before they ride out again, and Levi is sitting up with Furlan and Isabel, and he’s thinking quietly to himself. The first thing he’s recalling in his contemplation here is Sairam’s words, asking Levi if he knows how many elite soldiers have been eaten by Titans. This plainly shows Levi’s growing concern for Furlan and Isabel. The longer they spend outside the walls, the higher the risk of something going wrong, and that’s a worry that’s heavy on Levi’s mind here.

He then remembers, in quick succession, all these various interactions and the words of different people throughout his short time up here on the surface. He recalls Sairam hurling insults at him and his friends, calling them punks, and then Hange’s opposite words of encouragement and appreciation, telling them they’ve given everyone hope. He recalls Furlan’s words, telling Levi that with him there, they’ll really be able to raise hell, and then Isabel’s words, pointing out that the SC soldiers really believe their cause is worth dying for. Finally, Levi recalls Flagon’s degrading words, about how Levi and his friends have spent their whole lives in a trash heap, implying they’ll never amount to anything more than garbage, and last, he recalls Erwin’s words, how he’d seen the desire to kill in Levi during their first encounter.

All of this is hugely important to understanding Levi’s psychology, I think, and understanding his feelings of conflict and confusion, and how it ultimately plays into him making the choice he does. For Sairam’s and Flagon’s words, it’s the assumption people have made about Levi all his life, that he’s nothing but a worthless criminal who can’t do anything good for anyone, and Levi’s struggle to overcome that perception that people have of him. In contrast to that, Hange’s words are sending Levi the opposite message, that he isn’t just a worthless criminal, but someone who can actually contribute something positive and important to other people’s lives. He’s someone who can inspire hope. Something Levi’s always secretly wished he could do. And then there’s Furlan’s words, serving as a confirmation to Hange’s, in which he expresses his reliance on Levi to help make his own dreams come true, and Levi seeing himself in that role, of taking care of these two people whom he loves. And there’s Isabel’s words, a clear admiration and astonishment at the realization that these soldiers really believe in a cause bigger than themselves.

We see all of Levi’s greater hopes, his desire and wish to help other people, coming into conflict here with the way he’s been treated all his life by others, as a worthless, good for nothing criminal, and how that treatment has forced him to become the very thing they accuse him of being, someone ready and willing to kill, someone ready to commit crimes, etc… It’s Levi’s pride and anger battling with his deeper desire to protect and help others. The thing his life and his environment has FORCED him to become, against his truer nature. This is such a vital, important scene, and once again, the manga succeeds in explaining and revealing Levi’s complexity as a character, whereas the visual novel just flat out butchered it.

Now getting back to Levi’s interaction with Isabel in this scene, and the woeful misinterpretation I saw another person make one time.

Furlan is talking about how, given the complexity of the formation, they won’t be able to break ranks without being spotted, and he suggests they should just wait until they’re back behind the walls before trying to steal the documents again. Levi points out that if all three of them leave, then yeah, they’ll likely be spotted, and gives no further opinion. Already, Levi is thinking that maybe he could go after Erwin and the documents alone, thinking of taking the entire burden of the operation on himself, carrying the hopes and dreams of all of them on his shoulders alone, (which is why he later calls himself conceited and proud, having relied on his own strength entirely, instead of his friends too, ending in failure, which in turn goes back to the very beginning, with Levi’s statement about never knowing what the better option is, to rely on oneself, or on their comrades). But anyway, he doesn’t protest or try to counter Furlan when he says they should just focus on getting back alive. Isabel expresses agreement, and then says she knows the documents are important, but she also doesn’t want to get in the way of the SC and what they’re trying to do. Now here’s where the conversation gets really important in, once more, understanding Levi’s psychology.

He and Furlan look over at her, and while Levi stays silent, Furlan gets annoyed, chastising Isabel for seeming to suddenly care about the other soldiers, accusing her of only caring because Hange’s cookies were good. Furlan clearly doesn’t understand Isabel’s sentiments here, he doesn’t get why she suddenly seems concerned. He’s still focused on their own goals, and that’s all that matters to him. But Isabel begins to explain that it’s just that she’s starting to understand why the SC goes out beyond the walls, and likens it to how they felt living in the Underground, wanting to escape to the world above. She’s saying she understands that sense of being trapped, of being imprisoned, and the longing for freedom. And then she talks about seeing lots of her friends dying underground, while dreaming of making it “up there.”, and how seeing that made her feel like she HAD to get up there. It’s like Isabel is saying here that her dream to make it to the surface was strengthened by the dreams of others who never got to realize it for themselves, and that she wanted to make it to the surface, more than anything, as a way of giving the dreams of those who had died without realizing them, meaning. By making it to the surface FOR THEM. She starts to try and explain what she means, saying ‘It’s…” before Levi suddenly speaks for the first time since her monologue, saying “It’s like leaving the walls behind to kill the Titans…”

This is such a huge moment. Because contrary to what I saw this one person claim once, Levi is acknowledging Isabel’s feelings, and expressing empathy with them. He’s telling Isabel here that he understands what she means, because he feels it too. This desire to fight for freedom as a way to give meaning to the suffering of those who couldn’t escape their imprisonment. Levi, rather than ignoring or blowing Isabel off here, is relating to her. Her feelings are his own. Isabel smiles dreamily and says “Yeah.” Because Levi put her thoughts into words. She then keeps talking to Levi, starting to ramble about what she wants to do when they get to live in the Capital, how fun she thinks it would be to steal from all the “rich pigs” and use their money to buy useless junk, before she falls asleep.

Furlan then kind of bursts this bubble of reverie that Isabel and Levi have fallen into, and what he says here is, again, so important. He says “I’ve got to revise our plan. We’ll need to steal the documents before you and she start seriously talking about dedicating your hearts, or whatever.” Furlan’s perceived how Levi’s own feelings are beginning to match up with Isabel’s, how he’s starting to feel drawn to and sympathetic towards the SC’s cause, and he’s worried, because that’s not what they’re supposed to be there for. They’re supposed to be there to steal the documents so they can get a chance to live in the Capital. This is Furlan’s dream, ultimately, and he doesn’t want to lose sight of it to some unrealistic ideal. What’s so interesting here is the contrast between Levi and Furlan. While Levi is so quiet and reserved and hard to read, he’s actually showing himself to be more of the dreamer of the two, while Furlan is much more practical and less prone to fanciful, ideal notions like helping people beyond their own means.

We get one last shot of Levi gazing at Isable, thoughtfully. He’s still thinking about her words.

Alright, then comes the next big scene, with all of them outside again, to try Erwin’s new formation. We see, again, Levi’s gradually shifting opinion of Erwin already, when he remarks that Erwin’s idea is “brilliant”, once he sees how it works, expressing genuine admiration for it and Erwin’s mind. Levi still hates Erwin, and want to kill him, but we already see this desire in him starting to crack and come apart, replaced by an almost astonished curiosity instead. Like he isn’t sure what Erwin is, but he’s impressed, in spite of himself.

Then the storm comes and everything starts to fall apart.

Another, massive and vital change here in the manga from the visual novel is Levi’s reaction to the sudden storm. In the visual novel, Levi’s first and only response to it is that he can use it as cover to go after and kill Erwin, sparing no thought to the safety of his friends, or the other people in his squad. It was another instance in which I thought Levi’s characterization in the novel was just horribly butchered, and so once again, I was so glad to see them correct it here. Levi’s first response, after he, Furlan and Isabel start to lose contact with Flagon and the others, is to scream at his friends to not get separated. He's only worried about them in this moment, and wants to make sure they don’t lose contact with each other. He isn’t thinking at all about leaving them here yet. Just this small addition completely changes Levi’s motivations and priorities, leading into the fateful choice, and it’s immeasurably better characterization for him then what was presented in the visual novel. I’ll get more into it with the next chapter. So until then, thanks again for reading.

8. Chapter 7: Those Three

Okay, onto chapter 7 of “No Regrets”, and there’s really no need for me to say that this is by far the most heartbreaking chapter. I think, perhaps, the most tragic part of it all is that Levi made the choice that he did because he was actually trying to protect everyone. Now I’m going to break his choice down and get into the details of that, so let’s just dive right in.

First off, I want to talk a little about, once more, the pivotal contrasts between the way Levi’s choice is presented here in the manga, and how it was presented in the visual novel, and why, like everything the manga’s done so far, it’s an immeasurable improvement in the manga.

Basically, the way Levi’s choice in the visual novel plays out doesn’t in any way relate to his later philosophy which serves as the driving force behind Levi’s character in the main SnK series, while the way his choice plays out in the manga relates to it completely.

In the visual novel, it isn’t even really a choice at all. There isn’t any consideration or struggle for Levi to choose one way or the other. Levi acts purely on impulse, and as I stated in my analysis for chapter 6, he reacts to the sudden storm by wanting to use it as cover so he can go and kill Erwin. That’s it. That’s his sole motivation for leaving his friends behind. He puts no thought into it, he doesn’t consider the ramifications, he doesn’t seemingly care about anything at all except killing Erwin, and to hell with the consequences. Again, this is so wildly out of character for Levi, that I could hardly believe it while I was reading it. To make matters worse, when Furlan tries arguing with him and tries to convince him to stay, the writing directly contradicts its earlier statement that Levi didn’t consider Furlan and Isabel to be his subordinates by having him snap back at Furlan that he’s (meaning Levi) the one who decides, almost rubbing his higher rank in their social interactions in Furlan’s face, before just riding off without another thought. It’s just awful characterization. And, as I said, completely severs any relation of Levi’s actions here to the philosophy he later develops and adheres to so strongly in the main series, indeed, the philosophy that he lives by and which governs his actions, the philosophy that serves as his character motif. It turns it into a decision made purely through emotion, a purely selfish and thoughtless act taken, and indeed, the only lesson Levi would be able to take from that sort of impulsive decision making would be that he should put more thought into his actions in the future, because if he does that, then this sort of thing won’t happen again.

But that’s not the lesson Levi learns, and that’s not the foundation of his philosophy.

Levi’s entire philosophy revolves around him understanding and accepting that he can never know the outcome of any given choice he makes until after the fact, no matter how much effort and thought he puts into trying to make the right one, and finding a kind of freedom in relinquishing that control. It is absolutely vital, then, in order for Levi’s choice in “No Regrets” to mean anything, and for it to in any way relate to the philosophy which governs him later, for it to have been a well thought out and deeply considered choice, and that’s exactly what it’s presented as in the manga.

Now I want to break his choice down here panel by panel to get into why.

First of all, the first key difference between the manga and visual novel, is here in the manga, Furlan is the one who first points out that the situation for them is bad, because in this weather, it’s likely Erwin will get eaten by a Titan, and if that happens, they won’t be able to get the papers they’ve been after this whole time. Levi isn’t shown even THINKING about any of that up to this point. He’s only shown concern for Furlan and Isabel, wanting to make sure they stay together, and sticking himself by their sides. Furlan goes on to say here that in order to take the papers, they’re going to have to head to the center of the formation. Furlan’s the one who brings the entire subject of Erwin and the documents up here, not Levi, and this is a huge and important difference.

They hear Flagon fire the sound grenade, and realize he and Sairam aren’t far off. Furlan says they might be able to join them somehow, but then he hesitates, and says “but… Levi.”

Furlan is looking to Levi here and asking him to make a decision for their group. Do they go off together and try to get to Erwin before he gets eaten by a Titan and they lose their final opportunity to get the documents they need, or do they go and join Flagon. Furlan puts the responsibility onto Levi’s shoulders here.

Now here’s where things get really complex, and we see how truly nuanced, considered, and thought out Levi’s choice really was, and ultimately, then, why it turning out to be the wrong choice is so deeply tragic.

Furlan and Isabel both are looking at Levi, waiting for him to choose, and we get to see Levi’s internal thoughts.

The first thing he thinks in this situation is to weigh the worth of the lives of his squad and his friends against his own, and this is so exactly like Levi, and once more shows infinitely better characterization of him than what was done in the visual novel. Levi thinks here “If the three of us go, the team we leave behind will be shorthanded.” This is literally Levi showing private concern for the lives of Flagon and Sairam, knowing that if he takes Isabel and Furlan with him, those two’s chances of survival out in this weather diminish drastically. He then thinks “If I go alone, there’s no guarantee I’ll be able to find them again.” He’s considering his own chances of survival here, if he strikes out on his own. He knows that if he does, his own chances of getting killed increase. So here we see Levi struggling with whether to prioritize the lives of his squad, or himself. Ultimately, he decides to prioritize the lives of his squad. And I’ll get more into that in a moment.

But Levi continues to struggle. He tells himself “Which is it? Pick one.”, as the storm worsens around him. He’s agonizing over it. And then he closes his eyes, and he thinks of Isabel, remembers her saluting Flagon from the night before, and the understanding for the SC’s cause that she expressed, and how he himself understood it, and her sympathy, even her empathy with how they felt, saying she didn’t want to get in their way, meaning she didn’t want to compromise their mission. Levi himself has been developing an attachment to these soldiers, and an admiration and understanding of their dedication, seeing how like his own desire to fight for and protect the lives of others it is. To leave Flagon and Sairam to their fate and unprotected, then, would be both a betrayal to Isabel’s feelings and wishes, and his own. Levi doesn’t want to be the cause of Flagon’s and Saiyam’s deaths by taking Isabel and Furlan with him and leaving them by themselves. Also, in remembering the way Isabel saluted Flagon and her enthusiasm for the SC’s dedication, Levi must also have realized, if he took Isabel with him to steal from and kill Erwin, it would destroy any future chance she might have of ever joining the SC again, if that was something she wanted. To take her with him would implicate her in his crimes and rob her of that possible future.

Levi then thinks of Furlan and Isabel in the Underground, looking at him, and Furlan explaining to him his plans, his hopes and dreams of using this new found opportunity to make it to the world above and make for themselves better lives. He’s remembering Furlan, and Furlan’s reliance on him to make that dream come true. Remember how Furlan told Levi “With you here, we’ll really be able to raise hell.”. His plan always hinged on having Levi’s strength and ability in order to succeed. Levi knows, then, if he chooses to not go after Erwin then and there, and get the documents from him, Furlan’s dreams will be dashed, and Levi will have failed to help make them come true. And Levi has gone along with Furlan’s plans up to this point, against his own, better judgment, specifically because he wanted to help realize Furlan’s dream, to make it a reality. To abandon it now, after all of that, must have seemed unacceptable to Levi.

And then Levi remembers Erwin, standing over him in the Underground, superior and smug, callous and uncaring for how he’s disrupted and threatened the lives of Levi and his friends. He remembers his anger at Erwin, his feeling of humiliation and rage.

And it’s this memory, finally, after all the others, after considering the lives of Flagon and Sairam, after considering Isabel’s wishes, and Furlan’s dream, that tips the scale for Levi in deciding that he has to go alone after Erwin. It’s the weight of all those factors, the fear of letting Flagon and Sairam die, the fear of letting Furlan and Isabel down, on top of Levi’s own pain and anger, that decides it for him. If he doesn’t go after Erwin alone, if he takes Furlan and Isabel with him, Flagon and Sairam will probably die, and both Furlan and Isabel will be implicated in the crime of theft and murder. If he stays with Isabel and Furlan to join up with Flagon and Sairam, then Furlan’s and Isabel’s dreams likely go out the window.

This is no snap decision on Levi’s part. It’s a deeply considered, thought out and in many ways selfless choice he makes. And, again, that’s really what makes it so horribly tragic. Levi was really TRYING to do the right thing here, was genuinely acting in a way he thought was for the best, for all parties involved. He gave just as much, really MORE consideration to Furlan and Isabel and Flagon and Sairam than he did to himself. It was the combined weight of the interests of all the other people involved that pushes Levi towards the choice he makes, and his desire for vengeance on Erwin is just the final straw which tips the scale in that direction, not the one and only deciding factor. It is, from all angles of consideration, the best choice to make.

So Levi tells them he’s going alone, and tells Furlan and Isabel to join up with Flagon. He says he’ll get the documents, that’s the FIRST thing he’s going to do. Not kill Erwin. It’s the documents Levi is prioritizing here. And since he’s going after Erwin to get the documents anyway, he’ll also, he says, be the one to kill him. In Levi’s view, he’s being presented with a chance here to succeed in all their goals. In Levi’s view, this must be a win/win situation if he can find Erwin and do what needs to be done.

Furlan starts to protest, before Isabel cuts him off and says she’s going with Levi too, and Levi asks her, if she comes with him, who does she think is more likely to die, just him, or Flagon and Sairam. He’s reminding her here of her desire to not get in the way of the SC soldiers, of her sympathy and empathy towards them, and is imploring her to realize that going with him will leave Flagon and Sairam vulnerable. He’s telling Isabel that he can take care of himself, more than those two can. He says, specifically, If the four of you stay together, it’ll raise their chances of survival.”. He knows it’s dangerous to strike out on his own in this kind of weather, but he knows it increases his squad’s chances of survival if he does. Levi makes the decision here to place the lives of Flagon and Sairam over his own, and to support Isabel’s own feelings in the process.

And then Furlan begins to protest again, telling Levi to keep his cool and think, trying to explain that if he just waits a little while, the fog might clear up. He’s clearly afraid that if Levi goes out there on his own, he’ll get killed.

Levi asks Furlan then if he’s saying the Titans will wait until then, reminding Furlan that each moment they fail to act and go after Erwin, is another moment in which Erwin could get eaten, and risks Furlan’s dream being destroyed.

Furlan continues to protest, trying to impress on Levi how dangerous it is, to act alone, and Levi shouts back that he heard Furlan already, before insisting that he can do this by himself. And then he screams at Furlan “Trust me!!”. He’s putting the same request on Furlan that Furlan before put on Levi, asking for his trust, asking for his belief. Furlan may be ready to give up on his dream for the sake of Levi’s safety, but Levi isn’t ready to give up on Furlan’s dream for the same.

They glare at each other, and then Furlan asks “Is that an order, Levi?”, and Levi’s reaction to that question speaks volumes.

He looks shocked at it, his expression one of clear surprise and confusion.

He then asks “An order…?” like he doesn’t understand why Furlan would even ask something like that, before saying “Why does it have to come to that? I’m just… The two of you…”

This is in such sharp contrast to the way they had Levi acting in the visual novel and is, once more, infinitely superior.

It shows so plainly that Levi doesn’t want to be considered Furlan’s and Isabel’s leader, he doesn’t want to be treated as their leader. He only wants to be their friend, and for them to see him as their friend, and as someone they can depend and rely upon to always care about them and their dreams, as someone who will always fight for them and their dreams. He says “The two of you…” before trailing off, like he doesn’t know how to express any of that. But that’s what Levi is trying to say, he just doesn’t know how, as usual. He’s bad at expressing himself. He’s trying to tell Furlan that he’s going after Erwin because he’s trying to still make their dreams come true, he’s trying to support them and protect them and ensure that this entire situation they’ve gotten themselves into isn’t in vain. Levi’s expression as he looks back at Furlan here is heartbreakingly earnest. He looks open and vulnerable, as if imploring Furlan to understand.

And Furlan looks back, and finally realizes what Levi is trying to tell him. And when he realizes it, he smiles, and laughs. Because he realizes Levi is doing this for him, and for Isabel, and for Flagon and Sairam, even. He realizes Levi truly means well here, and has made the choice he has after deep thought and consideration. That this isn’t an impulsive or hotheaded choice, that he IS thinking clearly. Levi is confused by his reaction, and Furlan keeps laughing along with Isabel, before telling Levi “Fine. I’ll trust you.”, giving Levi the same regard Levi before showed him before, in agreeing to follow Furlan’s plan. Furlan chooses to trust in Levi’s decision making, chooses to trust in Levi’s own plan now. And then he tells Levi not to die, and Isabel tells him to make sure he comes back. They’re scared for him, but they’re choosing to trust him.

We get a significant panel then, as Furlan and Isabel fall back from him, and Levi looks back at them, as if still uncertain in his choice, despite all the thought he put into it. He’s still filled with self-doubt, even as Furlan had just moments before expressed belief in him. Like he thinks there’s something he must be missing, even though he’s sure he thought out every possible scenario and reason for choosing as he did.

What’s important too, in understanding Levi’s choice, is that it never once occurs to him that Furlan and Isabel could die. He thinks Flagon and Sairam potentially will, if they all leave them behind, and he thinks he himself might, if he strikes out on his own. But he never thinks it a possibility that Furlan and Isabel could. He chooses then, in that moment, to also trust in the strength of his friends. He shows absolute belief in Furlan’s and Isabel’s strength, to the point that he believes Flagon and Sairam need them, more than he does. It isn’t even a thought Levi can entertain, that him choosing to leave will put Isabel and Furlan’s lives in danger. With all the consideration he does, all the thought he puts into making the right choice, it simply isn’t conceivable to him, that his friends could die. If he had thought that a possibility, if such a scenario had occurred to him, he never would have left. He genuinely believed, if all four of them stuck together, they would be alright, even if he himself wasn’t.

A few others points of note in this chapter.

When Isabel and Furlan meet up with Flagon and Sairam again, and Sairam asks if Levi is dead, Isabel reacts violently, screaming “Of course he isn’t!! Levi will come back. Bet on it!”. This emphasizes, in a truly heartbreaking way, Isabel’s own faith in Levi, and her need to believe he’ll be alright. She insists that Levi will come back, and this builds off of Isabel’s continued refrain throughout the story of how Levi is “the strongest”, both below and above. Levi is Isabel’s hero, and she clings to his perceived strength in this moment, needing to believe in it to comfort herself over his safety.

This runs parallel then to Levi coming upon the butchered squad from the first rank, and his horrified realization that there are at least four Titans that did this, and that they’re heading back the way Levi came from, meaning right for Isabel and Furlan and Flagon and Sairam. He immediately turns around and tries in a frantic dash to make it back in time, thinking desperately to himself that there’s too many Titans, and they’ll be overwhelmed. And then he comes upon the sight of Sairam being eaten, and he cries out for Furlan and Isabel.

Truly the most heartbreaking part about this entire scene is how Levi tries so desperately to make it to his friends in time, but how he just simply isn’t near enough too, and can only watch, then, as they die. For Levi, who’s entire identity revolves around wanting to help others, to protect others, his own helplessness in this situation must be truly horrific for him. And especially, his own helplessness in watching the two people that mean the most in the world to him get eaten alive.

Another truly heartbreaking moment here is how Isabel decides, in Levi’s absence, that she’s going to take on his role as protector, and save everyone. How Isabel’s admiration and hero worship of Levi is, indirectly, what gets her killed here. She wants to be just like him, and in trying to be like him, she ends up dying. All of this happens in front of Levi. He has to watch Isabel die while trying to do the thing he’s made himself responsible for, which is protecting the lives of others. And the way she starts to call out for him, right before the Titan’s jaws close around her, is truly gut wrenching. Levi’s expression here is one of such utter horror and shock too, before it turns to sudden, murderous rage, and he tries once more to close the distance and make it in time, only to have to watch both Flagon, and then Furlan both get eaten too.

Levi thinks to himself, as Furlan’s being lifted to the Titan’s mouth “I’m going to end up letting everyone die.” Before screaming out Furlan’s name. Levi is already blaming himself, already feeling the abject weight of his failure. This is the moment when he realizes his choice was the wrong one.

Furlan, in one of the saddest moments of all, finally sees Levi and, as if to say ‘it’s okay. This isn’t your fault’, waves to him in acknowledgment.

Maybe most cruel of all is how Levi, even in the face of his overwhelming fear and horror and self-hatred, clings desperately to hope, still trying with everything he has to make it in time to save at least one of his friends. He thinks to himself “Come on, make it in time!!”, and only to make it more tragic still, he almost DOES make it in time, just barely a moment too late as he slices off the hand of the Titan that had been holding Furlan. Levi misses saving Furlan’s life by mere moments. It’s truly the definition of tragic, and beyond traumatizing.

9. Chapter 8: Choices

Alright, and now I’ve reached the final chapter of “No Regrets”, so let’s just dive right in!

There really is so much more to unpack from this story than I think people realize.

Firstly, just a few, truly devastating observations I want to talk about.

The first one being how, even after Furlan gets swallowed by the Titan, Levi still believes he can save him. The fact that he cuts the Titan open from the chest down to his sternum, and free’s Furlan’s arm, and the panels which show Levi reaching out for his hand and ripping him from the Titan’s stomach is just… so heartbreaking. The way too that he gently carry’s him back to the ground and lays him out, only to discover that his entire lower half is gone, and he’s dead, just the level of trauma you know this must be causing Levi is immense, and beyond tragic. This is one of only two, true friends in his life, and he’s so desperate to have been able to save him, that he clings on to the possibility to the bitter end, until he’s forced to face the bleak reality. Levi’s devastation is really brilliantly depicted in how he wobbles, as if his knees are weak, when he stands back up.

And then of course comes Levi’s rage, and how he takes it out on the Titans, expressing his grief and pain in the only way he knows how, through violence.

But maybe the most heartbreaking moment here comes once he’s through killing every Titan there, and he starts to stumble away, and his foot comes into contact with Isabel’s severed head. This is, once more, another area in which the manga improved hugely over the visual novel.

Levi’s reaction here is just… the most heartbreaking thing ever. The way he stares when he realizes he’s looking at Isabel’s head, and then falls to his knees, his overwhelming grief here is just so beautifully depicted in these panels, as he reaches out a hand to cover her eyes, and then slides them closed, in an attempt to give her some sort of dignity in death. The way he can’t even look at her, just doubled over in his grief, just killed me to see. It’s so unspeakably sad, and conveys to us readers the true depth of Levi’s despair, I think.

And then we move on from this horrific grief, to the climactic moment of the story, when Levi and Erwin again come together, and we see Levi’s overwhelming rage. Again, this entire scene was a massive improvement over the visual novel. Well, for starters, in the visual novel, they had Levi cut Erwin’s horse down to bring him to the ground, and again, that’s just so out of character. Luckily, they fixed that here too, with Levi simply leaping up and dragging Erwin off his horse.

These panels really are amazing too is showing Levi’s intense rage, as he warns Mike to back the hell off, and brings his blade to Erwin’s neck.

What’s really interesting here is what Levi says.

After the struggle of the choice he made, before Furlan and Isabel were killed, after giving so much consideration and choosing based largely on their own dreams and wishes, Levi tells Erwin here “I’m going to kill you, you bastard. That’s why I’m here.”. And Erwin responds, after studying Levi a moment, “So they… all died? I see.”. Erwin gleans here, both from Levi’s words and expression, that his friends have died, and what he says indicates that he knows the only reason Levi hasn’t tried to kill him before now is because Furlan’s and Isabel’s own well being and their own dreams were the only thing holding Levi back. Levi made no attempt on Erwin’s life before because he was placing Furlan’s and Isabel’s wishes above his own, but now that they’re gone, there’s nothing to keep Levi from acting out his revenge.

This is also where we get Erwin’s full reveal of just how in control of this entire situation he’s been this whole time, and how he manipulated every player and outcome to his desires.

This really isn’t something I see get discussed a whole lot when talking about Levi’s relationship with Erwin, and how it started out. But, unquestionably, Erwin used Levi and his friends against their consent, to achieve his own ends. He set the whole thing up, from first spreading rumors about having some sort of evidence against Lovof’s embezzlement, to then spreading the information that he was looking to recruit Levi and his friends from the Underground, thereby giving Lovof the very idea of going to them to obtain his own proof of the evidence’s existence, while simultaneously leading Erwin to the definitive proof he sought by following the messenger Lovof sent and intercepting him. At the same time, giving Erwin a means of throwing Lovof off by using Levi, Furlan and Isabel for cover. It really is incredibly impressive, but also heartbreaking, the way Erwin used Levi and his friends to his own ends, but of course, perfectly in character for Erwin too, willing to do whatever it takes to achieve his goals. It begs certain questions though about the equality between Erwin and Levi, at least at the start of their relationship. Erwin clearly had the control and power in this situation, and though clearly he never meant for Furlan and Isabel to die, still, his decision to rope Levi and them into his plans to catch Lovof and also to gain their strength and skill for the SC, did lead indirectly to their deaths. Surely, if Erwin had never meddled in their lives, and used them as tools, they would have all still been alive in the Underground.

But of course, this leads into a really interesting clash, then, between Levi and Erwin, and where we see Erwin win Levi over to his cause. This is, as is becoming a redundant theme of my analysis here, a giant improvement over the visual novel. There, it makes it seems as if Levi decides to follow Erwin only because Erwin has something Levi lacks, and until he can figure out what that something is, he won’t be able to “defeat him”, implying that Levi is still somehow obsessed with beating Erwin in some way. Like he isn’t joining Erwin to fight for his dream of a better world, but because he wants to figure out what Erwin has that he doesn’t, so he can become superior, or whatever. But here, in the manga, Levi’s reasons for deciding to follow Erwin are much more complex, and tied in with his own personal drive of wanting to help and save others, and into his relationship with Furlan and Isabel.

Levi tells him “It wasn’t worth throwing away their lives! They were nothing but pawns in your worthless game. Well, you lose.”, right before he means to take Erwin’s head off.

What’s interesting here is Erwin’s response. He doesn’t try to deny to Levi that he used Furlan and Isabel and Levi himself as pawns. He doesn’t argue, or try to defend himself on that front. What he takes issue with is Levi calling the reasons for it a “worthless game”.

Erwin’s entire speech to Levi here really builds off of the feelings Levi had already started to develop, about feeling like he had maybe found a place to belong, where he could maximize the good he could do. This wasn’t yet a fully formed idea in Levi’s head, up to this point, but the seeds of it had started to form.

Erwin asks Levi who’s responsible for killing his friends. He asks if it was him, if it was Levi, and then he asks if he really thought that if they had come together to attack Erwin, that they would have made it out alive.

This is what Levi is beating himself up over, of course. The belief that he made the wrong decision, in leaving Furlan and Isabel behind, thinking to himself if they hadn’t split up, they would still be alive. He blames himself for how he came to that decision, and starts to say as much to Erwin here, saying it was his conceit and his pride that was to blame, no doubt thinking of how it was his memory of Erwin and the humiliation he caused Levi that was the final tipping point which decided him in favor of going after Erwin himself, and also how he simply convinced himself that he would be able to shoulder all of the responsibility himself in such a dire situation, remembering how he told Furlan “I can do it by myself!” so insistently, asking him to trust him, to trust essentially in Levi’s strength. To Levi, in this moment, his own strength must have seemed worthless suddenly, his belief in it leading to nothing but abject failure. But then Erwin cuts him off and says, emphatically that, no, it was the Titans who killed them, before beginning to talk about how little they know about the Titans, and how if they continue to remain ignorant like that, they’ll never win against them. He tells Levi to look around himself, and points out how, for as far as the eye can see, there are no walls, and then suggests that, in all that open space, there might be something they can find to free humanity from its despair and imprisonment. And then he reminds Levi that there are people who want to stop this from this from happening, only concerned with their own profits and losses, content to stay where danger can’t reach them. He shows sympathy, saying it’s understandable why they feel that way, because they’ve been blinded by the walls for a hundred years, and can’t see past their own survival.

And then he asks Levi if his eyes have remained clouded too. He’s asking Levi here if he only knows how to live for himself, and if he’ll kill him and return to the Underground to continue to do so, after losing the two people he cared most about in this world.

But of course, Levi’s already learned how to live for people other than himself. That was his whole reason for coming to the Surface in the first place. In support and dedication to the hopes and dreams of his friends. Levi’s eyes HAVEN’T been clouded, he’s already discovered and embraced what it means to give your life for others, already able to see past his own benefit.

Erwin reminds Levi of that here, and tells him they won’t give up on going outside the walls, before asking Levi to fight with the Survey Corps, telling him “Humanity needs your skill!!”. He reminds Levi, even after the loss of the two people whom he had been living for up to that point, that he can continue to live for others still, that he can still fight for the hopes and dreams of others, and that he doesn’t have to return to the life of isolation and loneliness and futility that he once lived, that he doesn’t have to return to simply surviving, or fighting only to survive. He’s reminding Levi that his life can mean more than that, just like he realized when he became friends with Isabel and Furlan. That his life can have purpose, and that, if he lends his strength to the SC, he can do more even than help a few people. He can, in fact, help all of humanity.

The following panels show Levi coming to this realization. He remembers Furlan and Isabel at his sides as they rode out into the open for the first time, into the first, true sense of freedom they had ever known, and their shared awe and wonder at the sight. And Levi is realizing here, just as he had fought for his friends dreams of freedom, and of a better, more hopeful life, he can continue to fight for the same, only for everybody, for all people. He can make the most of his abilities, and help the most people, by staying in the SC and fighting at Erwin’s side, fighting for Erwin’s vision of something beyond the walls, of a kind of salvation for humanity.

What Erwin gives Levi here, really, the thing Erwin gives Levi that he before lacked, is a sense of hope. A belief in his own ability to make a meaningful, positive impact on the lives of others. It’s like Erwin’s own belief in that hope for humanity’s salvation is so strong, that Levi finds himself able to believe in it too, and he decides then and there that, for the sake of that hope, for the sake of the vision of something better, Levi will stay by Erwin’s side. Because it’s what Levi’s always wanted to do, to fight for the hopes and dreams of others, to fight to make the lives of other people better, and Erwin has shown him the way to do so. He shows Levi that Furlan and Isabel didn’t die for a “worthless game”, but for the sake of all human kind, and that’s why Levi is able to let go of his anger towards Erwin and follow him. And that really feeds into Levi’s need, later on, for every soldier’s death to carry meaning. If he can believe Furlan and Isabel died for a truly important reason, he can accept it and cope with his grief. Like Isabel expressed herself before, these people genuinely believe their cause is worth dying for, and Erwin reminds Levi of this again.

So he forgets his anger and pain, and chooses instead to follow Erwin, and dedicate himself to the cause of humanity’s salvation.

The final panels of the manga are incredibly moving, with Levi slowing down behind Erwin and Mike, and glancing back one last time to where he lost his two, best friends, before looking away and riding on, as the sun shines through the clouds. Like one, final acknowledgment of their lives together, and the sacrifice they made, before committing himself fully to his new life ahead.

10. Prologue

Just a small note on the prologue. It opens up with Furlan and Isabel and Levi sitting beneath the only, real source of sunlight in the Underground, watching the birds in the sky. Isabel wonders where they’re going, and Furlan answers “Far away... They can fly even beyond the walls. To Places we couldn’t go eve with those machines.” Isabel smiles, and says “Got that right! Just you wait! I’ll go with you someday.”, while Levi looks up into the sky, silent. This is only further proof of how Furlan and Isabel both expressed their dream of someday making it on the surface, of achieving freedom from the prison of the Underground, and how Levi would sit and listen to them say things like this. We see shots of just how grim and harsh the Underground really is here, with people lying passed out and sick in the streets, the pervasive, overwhelming darkness, and just overall depressing atmosphere. It’s the kind of place that, clearly, robs people of their will to live. Of any kind of hope. It’s important to note that Levi himself never expresses any such dream, or desire. He never voices that he wants to make it to the surface. This is Furlan’s and Isabel’s dream, their hope, and Levi hears it from them seemingly often. Probably, because of how hard his life has been, Levi’s never even considered it a real possibility, and so never even entertained the idea of it becoming real. But for Furlan and Isabel, he was willing to try. He went to the surface for them, to try and make their dream a reality.

#shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #No Regrets #acwnr #a choice with no regrets #Levi Ackerman #Furlan Church #Isabel Magnolia #Erwin Smith #snk analysis #meta #thoughts

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grogunotfound · 3 years

Text

Not So Secret | A Dream x Reader Imagine

Word Count: 846

A/N: creds to @write-it-motherfuckers for the dialogue prompt!!

---

“Oh, come on, Dream. Aren’t you gonna tell me your secret?” You poked fun at his neon green avatar on your screen.

“That would defeat the purpose of it being a secret.” He responded and started sprinting away from you in the pixelated world you created.

“Yeah, come on, Dream! What are you hiding?” George chirped, his name appearing on the top left corner of your screen to help your viewers understand who was talking—even though George’s accent was hard to not notice.

It was your birthday stream, so Dream and Georgenotfound wanted to put together a fun Minecraft challenge for you. However, Dream was acting a bit more closed off than usual, playing it off as him being competitive.

“Okay, but, how does this challenge work? This literally looks like a normal world.” You stood in place and moved your mouse around to survey your spawn point.

Dream and George stopped in their tracks and looked up at an imaginary camera in the sky before changing their tone of voice.

“In this video, we coded it so that Y/N can’t play Minecraft.”

“What?!?” Your mouth gaped open, despite your viewers not being able to see your reaction due to the lack of a facecam.

“And, Y/N only has one heart.” Dream mentioned, cackling at his own invention.

Your eyes dropped to the bottom of your screen, glaring at the singular red heart. “That’s no fun!” You quickly spotted a ravine a few blocks away, dashing towards your death. “Hello, freedom.”

“Also, Y/N can’t be more than ten blocks away from either of us!” George laughed at your failure to escape this challenge when you were teleported back to them.

You groaned as F’s flooded your chat along with generous donations.

“Let’s see if we can defeat the ender dragon while babysitting Y/N!” Dream announced and led the way towards a nearby village with George following behind you.

•

The three of you streamed for another few hours, ending the challenge within the first hour because your chat kept trolling you into multiple potential deaths. Dream and George grew frustrated but were having fun nevertheless.

You were very close to Dream and George, but you’ve always had a soft spot for Dream. He was quick-witted, intuitive, and silly. As much as George made you laugh till you couldn’t breathe, Dream nearly made you pee your pants—something not many people can do.

It was time for you to end your stream. It was getting late; and you streamed longer than you needed to, but you were having so much fun talking to your audience as well as the two knuckleheads (with occasional text messages from Sapnap and sweet birthday wishes from BadBoyHalo).

You ended your stream with a sweet, long message to your audience before hopping back into the Discord call with Dream and George.

“I think I’m gonna go,” George audibly yawned. “I’ll talk to you guys later.” And with that, he left the call.

Silence engulfed the distance between you and Dream.

You spoke up, “Thank you for such a fun stream.” You blushed.

Dream’s hearty laugh filled your ears like a musical melody, “Sorry it was so dumb.”

You shook your head, “It wasn’t! It was fun.” A few ticks of silence went by again before you spoke up again, “Are you gonna tell me your secret?”

He groaned, “Still on that?”

You hummed an affirmative ‘yes’ in response.

“You stubborn little cutie,” Dream muttered underneath his breath, not expecting you to hear him as he missed pressing the mute button.

You laughed, assuming it was a joke. “At least I’m cuter than you!”

“What? You heard that?” He stuttered, clearly flustered by his Freudian slip.

“Uh, was I not supposed to?”

“I guess it’s not so secret now.” Dream sighed, gathering his thoughts before letting himself verbalize them. “I sorta like you,” he rambled.

“Sorta? That’s too bad because I like you a lot.” You shot back, shifting in your desk chair as the butterflies in your stomach ate away at the anxiety from your confession.

“Okay, okay. Fine. I like you a lot, Y/N.” You could hear Dream’s smile in his words.

“That was the secret?” You leaned back in your chair and crossed your arms. “I thought you were plotting something evil for my birthday gift.”

“Shut up, George was being an idiot and kept teasing me before you joined the call. I couldn’t come up with a quicker cover-up other than ‘it’s a secret.’” Dream retorted, his witty self dominating the conversation as always.

The long distance tension slowly dissipated between the two of you once the humor started up again. There was a calm quiet before Dream spoke up, interrupting your attempt at ending the call so you could gush to your friends what just happened.

“I—uh.. I wanted to ask if you wanted to video chat.” He asked hesitantly, knowing how serious this proposal was because both of you were faceless icons to the world. It would have to be considered a tight-knit bond to reveal your faces to each other; yet, the fact that you fell in love with who he was rather than how he looked meant a lot to Dream, as well as vice versa.

“I would love to, you dummy.”

#dreamwastaken #dream #dream smp #imagine #dream x reader #clay #mcyt #minecraft youtuber #minecraft #youtube #youtuber #streamer #twitch #discord #stream

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mandalorewhore · 3 years

Text

Hunter (formerly Hunter and Prey)

Cis-Female Reader Insert/ Din Djarin

Gif by @themandaloriandaily

Thank u to @cptnbvcks, @whenimaunicorn, and of course @no-droids for the inspiration and your superior writing skills, whenever i was stuck on a portion i would reread all of u guy’s works and feel inspired again

Rating: Explicit Content Warnings: Exhibitionism, Oral Sex, Rough Oral Sex, Breath Play, Deep Throating, Masturbation, Pining, Depictions Of Violence, Canon-Typical Violence Words: 11k AO3 LINK

Summary: AU where Din Djarin stays with the mercenary group owned by Ranzar Malk. Takes place a few years before Din is contracted for Grogu's bounty. You're a merc trying to make a name for yourself in the group when circumstances end up having you run away with Din. You become his hunting partner in order to support yourself but you cant help falling in love with him, even as trained killers chase you across the galaxy.

FULL FIC:

As a mercenary, you wouldn’t consider yourself an overly sensitive person.

Maker knows you wouldn’t have lasted a week in the job if you couldn’t handle your emotions. Although you don’t consider yourself entirely void of empathy, having a sense of detachment is useful when your waking hours are spent committing crimes throughout the galaxy.

So why the fuck are you so jealous right now?

The obscene moans and harsh slapping that echoes throughout the hangar shouldn’t inspire a larger reaction than disgust as you dutifully continue to repair the blaster marks on one of the rogue-class starfighters. Luckily, it seems that most of your immediate associates have ran off into the deeper areas of the bay to toll your last mission.

Excluding three members, you guess.

Thank the fucking Maker Migs isn’t here You think bitterly, willing the sparks to fly higher and machine rumble louder as you carefully manipulate your buffing laser on the metal surface. His snarky attitude certainly wouldn’t lessen your misery as you try to drown out the sounds of sex. Raunchy words hiss, bouncing off the metal walls, before finding your feet and slithering up your limbs with a foulness that chokes you. Controlling the hot spinning laser seems to stoke your inner seething more than it distracts you.

“Mando! Stars, keep-fuck- keep doing that,” you hear Xi’an echoing. Fucking Xi’an. She knows what she’s doing to you. The cruel Twi’lek is far too observant to not know that she is practically comm-station broadcasting her sexual exploits to the entire crew, and with that sheer volume, might as well the entire galaxy. You truly wouldn’t care about her sex life if it wasn’t blatantly obvious that Xi’an was doing this to mock you. You know this is meant for your ears only, a repeat of every other time you’ve found yourself stuck with this chore.

Even if she wasn’t directly rubbing the fact that she was fucking the Mandalorian in your face, you don’t doubt that she would find a way to taunt your nonexistent sex life just for the fun of it. Another salacious moan echoes in the bay causing you to cringe and slightly jerk the repair tool in frustration.

Fuck, why did it have to be Mando? Aren’t there enough people on this kriffing space station to warm her bed? And how is he being so quiet right now? After a second you remember that’s a stupid question, considering he is probably the quietest person you’ve ever met.

His reservation serves to intimidate your targets, all the while unintentionally stoking that warmth in your belly when you are near him. His all-encompassing presence when he enters a room strikes fear in the hearts of the opposition, meanwhile, you are secretly pressing your thighs together in desire, enjoying the spectacle?.

You’ve found yourself reveling in the few jobs where Ran’s strategy has you in a decoy-role, weaponizing your feminine charm to lull your target into a false sense of power. The muscle composing of Burg and Mando make quick work of those men once they're thoroughly wrapped up in your wiles. Despite being placed together for jobs on several occasions you’ve never actually had a real conversation with him.

You’re too scared to talk to him, a near-silent man covered head to toe in Beskar, but you make money killing people and robbing gangs every week. It would be funnier if that purple freak wasn’t so vile. You don’t even know how to casually approach him.. Nice job killing those guys while I manipulated them into trying to fuck me! I’m pretty good with a gun, too. Maker, it’s so ridiculous that you don’t even bother with trying to figure it out. Other fantasies are easier to picture, such as the thought of him strolling across the room to slot himself in-between your spread legs, directing that intensity into your willing, aching body.

This infuriating crush is why you suppose that your envy wouldn’t be as biting if you caught some sort of noise from the man during these displays of exhibitionism. It would give you something to repeat in your mind while you stow away in the late hours of the night seeking your own release. You guess the inability to hear him is proof of how far Xi’an is pushing her volume. It’s all just to piss you off.

“Uhg, how miserable..” You mutter to yourself, allowing a little moment of self-indulgent angst. Typically, you wouldn’t allow yourself to wallow like a petulant teen seeing as you’re a literal fucking criminal.

I’m supposed to be a hardass, dammit you think, spirits low as repairs wrap up far too swiftly. You swear you’ll buff right through every layer in the ship if you keep procrastinating on finishing your job and wandering into the tucked away fresher for a shower. Wandering past….them.

Wherever they are choosing to fuck can’t be that far considering the slap of skin on skin is already fucking loud enough. The sounds seem to be emanating from a vent not too high up the wall, you deduce it connects to one of the bunk rooms not too far from the landing pad you’re working next to. It really is fucking loud with all these metal surfaces to echo off of. Making your way to your small bunk might cause you to go deaf and if the last thing you ever hear is Xi’an wailing as she rubs in the fact that you aren’t fucking Mando, well, you might just take this spinning laser to your head. Unfortunately, at this point, the exterior of the gunship couldn’t possibly get more pristine.

Sighing in defeat, you push up from your crouching position on the metal floor and start to assemble your tools for clean-up while the sounds of Twi’lek pleasure predictably pick up in volume.

“Fuck, fuck-Ah I’m close, I-I’m going to-“ A literal howl pierces the air as your gut twists with discomfort. Fuck, this is so awkward... and like, weird? Does he consent to this? Does he like that we can hear it? Maker.. Pushing that thought out of your mind you start to jog to your goal of the darkened hall that leads to the station fresher, still so wrapped up in jealousy that you almost miss the rough modulated growl accompanying the scream.

O-oh.

Oh shit. Was that Mando….Moaning?

The swirling jealousy is suddenly overtaken by a- stars- painful heat, so debilitating that you stumble and almost double over with an intensity that shoots through your groin. Okay well, now you feel like an actual pervert. This display of eroticism was engineered by Xi’an to make you uncomfortable, not so painfully turned on that it’s dizzying. You vaguely register a growing slickness between your legs as you hurry along the cold hallway, desperate to drench yourself in icy water and pretend to forget the sound of Mando moaning.

Shit, Maker, was he cumming? Was that what he sounds like when-- no stopstopnope. Don’t think about that. Your inner monologue is running amuck as you desperately try to block it out. This feels kinda gross, as if you’re a greasy peeping tom spying on Mando’s private endeavors even though this whole situation was shoved in your face to make you ache in countless, longing ways.

That deep growl repeats in your mind as you hum nonsensically under your breath, tapping your skull as if you can knock the sound out of your consciousness despite being well aware that you will go to your fucking grave with every detail. The top of your inner thighs is so embarrassingly slick that you have to resist waddling along the corridor to the showers. Just as you are about to round the first corner, one of the side bunker doors slides halfway opens with a whoosh. The smirking Twi’lek saunters out like the loth-cat who got the cream.

I suppose she did get the cream... Your split-second of sour mirth is further spoiled as Xi’an slides the rest of the door open revealing the gleam of silver beskar and red steel as the ever still Mandalorian adjusting his…thigh armor. You spy a large vent at the junction between wall and ceiling, confirming your earlier suspicions that she chose this location on purpose. Quickly glancing between Mando and Xi’an, your face uncontrollably floods with fire when her giggles pierce the air. You register his helmet tilting toward you right as Xi’an’s tongue slowly extends to liiiick her fingers, any curiosity at his gesture burning away in revulsion.

What does she get out of making everyone uncomfortable? You think to yourself, wanting to squirm away from the obscenity but resolving to hold your ground.

“Xi’an,” You greet the two shortly, hands linked behind your back. “Mando.” He nods.

“Sorry,” Xi’an offers in a voice devoid of guilt. “Were we being too loud? I would never want to distract you from your… projects.” Her taunting smile curls so widely that it is almost disturbing. “What would the team do without our junior mechanic!”

Her cackle rings through the suddenly freezing hall as you spin on your heel and try to not look like you’re fleeing. Red is tinting the edges of your vision from her insult while tears threaten to flood your eyes out of embarrassment.

You need to get to that shower quickly.

----------------

As the tepid shower rains down on your flushed body, you childishly wonder if you should run away. Or rather, if you could run away considering you technically don’t own any of the ships currently residing in the hangar bay. Although you technically have free reign to pilot most of the spaceships available, that freedom entirely applies to transportation between merc assignments . The thought of running away from your current acquaintances on a stolen ship is not appealing. In fact, the only crew member owning a personal vessel happens to be Mando, his Razer Crest gunship was often subject to your mechanic skills.

Mando, who always offered a genuine “Thank you.” after you’d spend hours touching up the vessel’s damage procured from the rare missions he lent its flight to. Mando, the person who you are presently trying to not think about while naked and still trembling with emotion.

Your sillier fantasies would sometimes involve stealing away in his gunship, hand pressed over his chest and leg thrown across his lower body like a romance novel while he skillfully pilots the ship away. Kriff, you felt like a soft girl whenever you run this scenario through your mind, so cliché and campy that you cringe at yourself. Thus, this particular dive into your consciousness was reserved for special moments such as lying in bed after a strenuous job, or after long days spent working through that junkyard of hangar bay trying to strong-arm your way into earning worth in the company. Private moments where you are finally comfortable letting your guard down to drift aimlessly throughout maladaptive daydreams.

Not so soft fantasies exist in your mind as well. Once again that modulated groan springs to the forefront of your mind causing your clit to throb softly. The conflicting feelings of embarrassment, rage, and painful arousal serves to create an energizing cocktail that goes straight to your pussy.

‘Fuck it,” You whisper breathily to yourself, “Nows as good a time as ever..” your fingers are trailing down your stomach as you say the words out loud. You adjust the water to be slightly warmer and sigh as the comfortable heat compliments your tickling fingers. If only you could replace your hands with the significantly larger leather-clad ones of a certain bounty hunter. The thought spikes your arousal as you lightly brush against your mound, choosing to tease yourself as images flash through your mind. The armor-clad Mandalorian gripping the back of your neck to you press facedown on the floor of his ship and take his cock. Or your legs spread wide across his hips, crushing your pussy on his groin while he’s seated in the pilot seat of his ship.

Your fingers dip slightly into your slick hole then drag up to your clit causing you to bite your free palm and hold back a moan. Eyelids heavy, you give in to the fantasies and begin to earnestly rub at your clit.

“Mmf Maker, f-fuck..”, you whine into your hand at the thought of him breaking your pussy open. You just know he fucks hard -- it’s a given that the crazy Twi’lek would be one for rougher sexual affairs. Someone who spends nearly every moment of life feeling nothing but the weight of fabric and beskar on their skin must be so fucking touch starved. You bet the opportunities he’s had to feel a tight cunt wrapped around his length would completely overwhelm his restraint. Muffled moans begin to fill the fresher as your fingers speed up between your legs, head hanging forward into the metal wall and water dripping off your brows.

Your eyes flutter shut as you pull your hand from your lips to tug at your hardened nipple, other hand still between your legs, imagining a dark visor being trained on your soaking wet, writhing body. The image sends a shooting pleasure up your spine as you spin around and press your back to the wall. Imagining his dark form watching you from the other side of the gathering steam, you open your thighs and spread your labia apart, sighing at the wet sound it makes. “Like what you see, hunter..?” you whisper into the empty room wishing he would find you in this shower.

Removing your fingers from your nipple you reach down to your crotch and greedily fill yourself with two fingers, pumping in and out as your other hand works at your swollen clit. The volume of your now unmuffled pleasure is likely overheard by anyone on this section of the station, but you can't find it in yourself to give a shit. If Xi’an can screech out her orgasms at any given opportunity to fuck with you then let them hear.

Let him hear.

Your imagination runs rampant at the notion that he could hunt down your gasps and take care of you himself, causing you to gasp louder. S-shit people can hear you, you just won't say his name out loud, it's fine, it's f-fine- The thought of him discovering you here is so hot that it's blinding, and suddenly your orgasm is rushing up to crush you entirely.

Your lower half is locked tight then suddenly your knees buckle and you’re cumming hard. Your choked gasps cutting through the steamy shower like blaster fire as you peak higher, uncontrollably calling out for the Mandalorian while white-hot pleasure wrings you dry. Let him hear you crying for him as you gush around your fingers, convulsing in bliss.

In the shuddering aftershocks, you don’t hear the uncharacteristically loud padding of leather boots retreating away from the fresher door.

------------------------------------------

You’re good at your job. You wouldn’t be doing it if you truly couldn’t handle the ordeal of being a mercenary. The whole point of the job is to take care of the dirty work, so those far disconnected wouldn’t have to dwell on their choices too hard. You’re used to not asking questions, motivated by credits and reputation alone. But in moments like these, a job going this awry… well, you just feel like pure shit. This hit was way too easy and far too filthy even for your career mostly consisting of professional filth. It was so glaringly obvious that even if your associate’s numbers were sliced in half, you would still sweep the ground with your winnings.

And what meager earnings they are.

The crew’s assignment this round was to hit a casino shipment just outside the outer rim planet of Cantonica. Due to the Razer Crest’s ability to fly under the radar of both Imperial and New republic records, Ran rudely allotted that Mando should allow his ship’s use for crew transport. You’re surprised he agreed at all, but perhaps the prospect of gain motivated him. His motivations are rarely clear to you. You’re guessing the price of a wealthy city’s supply sounded frankly too tempting for everyone involved; Ran was practically salivating over the drawing board for this particular errand. One would imagine a hull stacked to the top with credits and the finest luxuries for Canto Blight’s flashy tourists. It is Catonica’s main attraction after all.

But once the team’s resident crime droid, Zero, breached the cargo ship's record, the whole team is informed that the cargo-freighter ship only contains “organics”.

Slaves.

In the end, Migs remarked that there may still be something of worth to obtain from this job, and thus the plan morphed into an robbery on the surface once the cargo landed at its isolated dock. You reluctantly agreed to continue while Mando shortly nodded, both of you last to assent on this change in direction.

----------------

Some hours later you’re crouching in a derelict warehouse while the lessening blaster fire showers spark like fireworks across your corneas. The fighting between your crew and the dockyard guards has almost died down at this point and you take the moment to catch your breath behind a large stack of cargo boxes.

“Holy stars,” you gasp out, head falling between your knees as a wave of guilt consumes you momentarily. This job fucking blows. It’s so much easier robbing Imps and gangs because they are inherently bad fucking people. Robbing a group of slaves is the lowest point you think you have ever hit in your life. This is so wrong, this is so so wrong, they don’t even have ownership of their own lives and here your crew of fucking mercenaries swoops in with a vengeance over being cheated out of something that we didn’t own in the first place.

The last straw was when you witnessed a young bedraggled woman fearfully tossing the Twi’lek sibling, Qin, a small wooden necklace, the last possession from her life before slavery. You ended up turning tail and running deeper into the dock while Qin needlessly hissed at her just to enjoy her terror. You’re sure he’ll just toss the thing after the job is over.

“I never would’ve agreed to this…” You breathe out shakily to the empty air, hollowness swallowing your ability to compartmentalize your humanity from the nature of this work. You are still fighting the impulse to give in to that deep pit of sorrow when a large shadow makes you start and grip your blaster before relaxing in recognition at the chrome gleam.

“Oh, hey, Mando,” Smiling tightly in his presence as he approaches silently, his helmet tilted down at your crouched form. His gaze makes you straighten up quickly, realizing that you probably shouldn’t look so stricken in front of your crime associate. Gotta look tough, can’t let people think you’re too soft for this work. Man, didn’t he help start the company? That thought motivates you further to stand up and face him head-on.

“Not what we expected huh? Certainly no Canto luxury here..” you quietly murmur to his cheek groove.

If you looked directly where his eyes might be he would likely catch the sparkle of moisture threatening to pool at your bottom lashes.

“No,” he breathes shortly through the modulator. “Not this.” Something in his voice inspires the bravery to glance at his T-shaped visor. Compared to his usual tone of speech he almost sounds …stricken right now. Distraught by this display of debauchery your crewmates have shown the slaves and few people manning the dock. It's not noticeable unless you’ve been around him enough to read him on some level but deep down you know he feels the same way. You try to recall him taking part in the violent takeover and realize he was barely present for the ordeal. Aside from the initial violence that broke out during landing he hardly did anything and was noticeably absent once the slaves were targeted. In the back of your mind, you pray that he won't be reprimanded for the lack of effort. The thought is ridiculous but you’re scared anyway.

Stars, this is all too much, your head is swirling with grief and stress as your heart rate picks up and suddenly you are so desperate for humanity, for empathy that you lose your filter and-

“Couldn’t stomach it either?” You blurt out to him, desperately hoping he understands and will not judge your deep sorrow for the enslaved people affected by this brutal takedown. Your mind catches up in panic half a second later when Mando doesn’t immediately respond. Did you just seek sensitivity from the Mandalorian? Fuck. Wait. That sounded like an insult too. Fuck um-

“Ah, um I-I mean. I just mean I don’t remember you firing on anyone helpless and I um- I didn’t either, I didn’t fire my blaster at all to be honest I-Fuck- I hid. They’re just slaves not Imps, Mando. The guards were taken out in seconds and-” You hiccup and stutter as tears gather at the edges of your eyes and begin to fall. You feel so overwhelmed with anxiety and guilt that all of a sudden you forgot about his open show of emotion.

Pull it together, don't do this in front of the Mandalorian. He is the very picture of a stoic, hardened mercenary and now you’re kriffing crying in front of him? It briefly registers that this is the first time you’ve ever spoken one on one with him, the both of you were almost always alone or with members of Ran’s party during time off. You internally curse your existence for thinking you could tearfully word vomit in front of a fucking bounty hunter and get comforted by him. Your knowledge of Mandalorians is limited, despite knowing one, yet you think the point of his whole creed about giving up your identity and giving yourself to war. Why the fuck did you cry in front of a damn Manodlorian? You’re just starting to unfreeze from your panic-stricken muscles to dab at your cheeks when a gloved hand swiftly brushes just below your eye to catch a tear.

‘This wouldn’t have happened if that Droid could do his job,” You glance up at him in shock at his biting tone juxtaposed with the gentle gesture, but he’s already turning away, voice rotating with his visor. “The worst is over now that the shooting stopped. Let’s round up the others.”

He pauses with his back turned and you take that moment to compose yourself. You’ve only shed a few tears so your eyes can’t be that red.

“O-okay.. .” You reply, trying to inject your usual backbone into the tone of your response before moving to follow him around the piled boxes and regroup. Staring into your warped reflection in the back of his helmet you try to find the words to thank him but they get lost in the ghosts of today.

Your mind is still swirling but the clouds of despair have mostly cleared away. You know you don’t have time to dwell on your short interaction yet your mind is fully absorbed in his every move, both present and past. Coming from anyone else his reaction would seem shitty and dismissive but coming from Mando... well, you're honestly shocked. Those two sentences were fairly long for someone usually so silent. And what about his reaction to the way this job has gone? Him brushing away your tears?

You are gazing down at your feet deep in thought when you suddenly bonk into the back of Mandos broad back, wacking your forehead on the base of his helmet.

“Oww.” You groan lightly, rubbing your forehead and stepping to the right of his body, “Why’d you stop so sudde-'' It is then when you notice the muffled whimpering coming from the clearing in front of the both of you. A crimson pool of blood laps at the Mandalorian’s boots, its kiss staining the leather a deep black.

Now you are truly sickened, bile rising in your throat as a ragged gasp leaves your mouth.

“Why…? How can you..”

“Xi’an!”

Your choked whisper leaves your lips at the same moment the Mandalorian fucking barks the Twi’leks name.

A crumpled form adjacent to her body is the source of the whimpering and bloodshed, their contorted limbs looking less than human as muscles strain against metal binders. Xi’an’s triangular blades are dripping in her grip as she spins on her toes like a dancer and flounces childishly in the direction of your frozen form. Tearing your gaze away from the shell of a human you meet her eyes with open hostility. She stops several yards away from you.

‘Aha! So good to see you two. Isn’t this job sooo disappointing?” She calls out to the two of you casually. When no one responds her body deflates as she twists her knee inward and clutches one arm peevishly. Performative. “What? No hello? I could’ve died today!” She cackles at the notion.

Mando is a statue at your side. You can feel the rage radiate in waves off his body like a heater and you wonder what's going to happen if Xi’an pushes this further. Your heightened stress from moments before is vibrating throughout your nervous system, compelling you to step forward and speak up.

“Xi’an… this-this is completely unnecessary. The only thing required to complete our hit was taking out guards! What the fuc- and they were clearly incapacitated by you before you decided to take your blade to their skin!” Okay, that came out a little shakier than intended, but it feels like a disservice to hide your revulsion for her actions with the victim lying right there. “You could’ve just hit em’ in the skull with a blaster shot if you needed them out of your way!”

“Guards? Oh, I already took them out. This-” Xi’an punctuates the word a kick into the person’s stomach causing them to groan weakly, “Well, this is just an Organic as Zero would put it.” Organic? Fucking- You jump slightly and glance to your left when the Mandorlorian makes a shocked exclamation at her words. Maker, you’re so sickened you forgot he was with you.

“You mean a Slave? From the shipment?” He hisses the question through his teeth. You can’t see his face but you can hear the tension in his jaw, his body still a ridged form at your side. Xi’an pokes her tongue out and runs it lightly over the pointed edge of her teeth while she considers her response. She seems to be measuring her response to Mando with a little more care than she bothered with while speaking to you. You’re guessing that she cares far more about his perception of her than your personal attitude regarding the Twi’lek. Wouldn’t want to piss off her fuck buddy.

“Answer me!” He snaps when her response takes a millisecond too long. Your purple associate sighs, exasperated now.

“Yes a slave,” she hisses, drawing out the word in contempt, “Really I’m doing him a favor. From the looks of him, he was picked up on Tatooine. I doubt he even had a family to mourn him back on that shitty dustball of a planet-” Her eyes suddenly bulge as she clamps her mouth shut, gaze fixed on the armored man betraying a twinkle of... fear?

Slowly, you turn to him. The pit in your stomach is somehow weighing heavier than ever when you take in his body language. If you thought he was emanating white-hot rage before Xi’an’s response then you don’t even have words for how he holds himself now. You take a half step back in trepidation as the air around you seems to warp around the Mandalorian’s gravitational pull.

“A foundling?” His tone is unexpectedly quiet for someone who is manipulating the very atmosphere of this desert planet. Time seems to freeze. Shadows are ebbing at the edge of your vision and your head feels like it is going to pop in the pressure. You want to do something, anything, to relieve the pressing wall closing in on the three of you, to somehow end this interaction so that you can crawl in on yourself and bury the ghosts in the back of your mind. Fuck, your mouth is so dry, heart palpitating with a painful squeeze. Shit, fuck, what do you do? What did he mean by that question and why is Xi’an freaking out? You’re still fixated on the gleam of his helmet, rushing to find appropriate words when-

A flash of red explodes in your peripheral-vision, sparks seeming to fly 20 feet in the air. The words die in your throat in shock.

Did he? Did he shoot her? You barely saw him move yet as your mind races to catch up on this turn of events, you realize his blaster is drawn low on his hip, while the rest of him hasn't shifted an inch. The pressure cooker disappears in a sweeping wave of silence.

You swallow and turn awkwardly back to Xi’an. Oh.

He shot the slave.

Xi’an is just as stiff as you, her arms slightly raised as if she instinctively tried to ward off the blaster fire before realizing its trajectory. You are still processing his actions when a gloved hand wraps around your wrist and pulls you swiftly as he runs from the scene, tossing a flash bomb behind the both of you.

Without question, you run with him.

----------------

“Hey!” Within minutes your chest is burning from keeping up with Mando’s relentless pace. You’re fit from your job but he's twice as big as you and probably more than twice as fast. You get the feeling that he's moving slower than usual so you aren’t left behind. Struggling to control your breathing, you attempt to make sense of the jumbled thoughts by wheezing out, “M-Mando what are we doing?”

“Running.”

“Okay, fucking obviously!”

“To the Crest.” He clarifies just as shortly. Okay. Okay, once you reach his ship maybe you’ll get more answers. Right now, both of your priorities align with getting the fuck away from Xi’an before her vision returns and she comes after the both of you. But you can’t yet push some of the recent events to the side.

“You shot him.” You mean to phrase it like a question but it comes out more accusatory than intended with how breathless you are. “The slave you shot-“

“I ended his suffering.”

Oh. That makes sense, even if it makes your chest contract in duress you recognize his killing the slave came from a place of empathy. What exactly did he say right before drawing his blaster, something about… foundlings? You don’t know the term exactly but contextually you can guess it means orphan or alone. Fuck, this is so bad. Just what are you going to tell everyone? He may not have directed his shot at the Twi’lek but he temporarily blinded her. That still counts as an attack on a member of the team. Your chest is burning unbearably now so you slap at Mando’s vambrance to signal your need for a break. He drags you gasping around a corner into the shadowy edge of the warehouse.

“Listen, hey, look at me.” His large hand reaches out to gently grip the side of your face, warm against your skin and smelling sharply of blaster residue. Looking into his visor you realize your cheeks are damp again as hysterical hiccups threaten to make themselves known. “We are going to run. You don’t have to come with me of course but I unintentionally put you in the position of being complicit by attacking Xi’an. That-that wasn’t the plan… but I was leaving the company anyway”

His chest suddenly deflates as he rids it of air.

You realize you were holding your breath at the same time as him as you gasp out, before rubbing at your cheeks and asking dumbly, “Y-you were… leaving the company? Is Ran pissed?”

Stupid question. Of course, he’d be pissed at losing the one Mandalorian in the group. Mandos' presence gave him cred.

“Ran doesn’t know.”

“Ran doesn’t… what? When was this happening then?”

Mando’s visor turns away from your gaze and looks off into the middle distance. His gloved hand on your face is still gripping gently to lock you in place. “Today. That’s the only reason why I agreed to let him use the Crest for this job.”

He shakes his helmet slightly and turns back to your face, the metal covering his face becoming your main focal point while the room spins. You can't see his features, and never would, yet you feel as if you are looking directly into his eyes. Your body has impeccable timing when you feel your cheeks heat blushing.

However, your senses return in an instant when a familiar piercing howl echoes off the walls. The glove drops and he is gripping your shoulders,

“Can you run again?”

Adrenaline springs your limbs into action as you spin around, catching his wrist and pulling, roles reversed as you lead him in the direction of his ship.

Dust is billowing from below whenever your feet meet the ground. The steps sound like thunder in your ears as paranoia begins to worm its way into the forefront of your senses, every corner, every shadow, every blindspot could be hiding one of your former partners. Xi’an is an excellent assassin; time and time again her main skill has proven to be stealth, targets dropping dead expectedly. The Crest isn’t very far thankfully. It sits right on the back of the targeted freighter since Zero requires physical contact to hack the other ship systems for paths. Oooohh shit you forgot about the droid-

“Mando, Zero’s in there.” You puff out shortly in between breaths.

“Fuck that droid. I’ll take care of him, just back me up.” You both slide around a corner as he responds, bringing the two ships into your field of view. You are facing the rear end of the larger vessel, thankfully leaving the coast clear as far as you can tell. Mando’s helmet scans the area then nods, indicating the go-ahead with his fingers before running ahead of you. You follow him, casting fervent glances behind you for any signs of life. You reach the ship a millisecond after he does, his vambrance held high to lower the rear ramp. As the ramp begins to lower he grips your shoulders and spins you around dizzily.

“Stay right outside here. The second I enter the crest I’m dropping the Droid. I’ll call you once it’s safe.” You gulp quickly and nod in assent right before he leaps into the opening of the ship.

Seconds pass.

Your nerves are plucking way more than they normally would.. You never particularly liked Zero, but the sudden turn of taking out your ex-allies is making you high strung and nervous. Zero’s voice cuts through the silence, making you jump.

“Mandolarian, you are back early. Were the prospects plentiful despite being Organics?”

“No.” You twitch when a shot echoes in the hull followed by the clash of metal on metal.

The Mandalorian sharply calls your name springing you into action. You enter the ship immediately spying Zero’s body under the cockpit ladder, blaster wound still smoking with red-hot metal ringing the edges. Your eyes linger a little on the droid’s body, slightly leery at the death of someone who was your backup only hours ago, then you sigh and duck to get a handle on under his shoulders, dragging him to toss out the open entryway.

Grunting with effort you direct your voice at the cockpit, “Tossing the droid! Take off when read- Shit.”

One of the droid's hip joints gets stuck on a portion of the hull wall, preventing you from moving his corpse. Something wizzes above you at the exact moment you duck down to adjust the body, right where the back of your head was a second ago. One of Xi’an’s triangle blades ricochets off the wall and slides across the floor, stopping right under your nose. Oh f-

“Fuck! Fly, fly, she's here Mando!” You lurch to the floor as the thrusters kick in, twisting your head to try and get eyes on the clearing. Through the rapidly closing ramp, you see a flash of purple skin, but before you have time to react the Crest door snaps shut. Heart thudding at what feels like a million beats per second, you try to get your bearings on the floor. Twisting sideways you suddenly find yourself face to face with Zero’s corpse, revulsion whipping through you like lightning as you scramble backward on your hands and feet.

You can’t do this right now.

The last thing you want is to seem weak and needy in front of the man who just selflessly saved your life, for reasons still unknown, but you can’t do this right now. A creature of habit, you fold your neck between your legs, the same reaction you had to the violence on Cantonica. A minute, you just need a minute, a minute and then this horrible drone will go away, and you can deal with this, you’re a fucking mercenary… the blackness swarming at the edges of your sight overtakes you all at once and you slide limply to the floor.

------------------------------------------

You aren’t sure how much time has passed once you rouse. At your request, Mando tosses Zero's body before kicking into hyperdrive right about 120,000 feet in the air. You stare at its flight path until the speck disappears in the taupe shithole that is Cantonica. Feeling shaky as your adrenaline finally dips, you decide that the Crest could do with a once over before the long journey.

After performing a quick analysis on the Crests systems it’s determined that the two of you are lucky this hunk of metal can fly. Hyperdrive operating at 67% capacity, weak communication signal if it even works half the time, plus more damage than you can currently process. If there weren’t five million different stressors weighing on you, your mechanic brain would probably explode at the current state of Mando’s ship. He probably should’ve taken it to you, or anyone else handy with tools if he wanted it to be in proper form for departure, but it makes sense that he didn’t want to draw too much attention. Hopefully, his pilot skills will compensate for the Crest’s sorry state.

To be fair, the whole blow-up-your-coworker-and-run-for-your-life aspect didn’t seem to be in Mando’s original plan.

“So… where are we going?” You’re on the floor in the cockpit, back facing the passenger chair while the Mandalorian is seated pilot. After crawling under the console for a while you couldn’t bother to lift your aching muscles on the chair, resigning to scoot on your butt over to the closest object that could support you. As a result, you end up craning your neck to look up at him, his back straight in the chair.

“My original plan was to head to Nevarro to take on a few quarries. I’m still with the guild and Karga doesn’t give a shit whether I’m running with Ran or going in alone.” You bite your lip anxiously. Oh yeah, you kinda forgot your presence threw wrench in his plan. He notices and tilts the helmet sideways at you, “You’re not in the way. I’m not concerned about you joining me, someone of your skillset is helpful to have around. I’ll introduce you to Karga so you can get on your feet.”

The compliment lifts your spirits enough to make you playful, poking at his boot with your toe, “Gee, glad I’m useful enough to keep around. All I have is my blaster and the clothes on my back, so if you drop me, I’d be pretty fucked.”

You giggle quietly but you know it’s the truth. All of your possessions are back on the space station, but you didn’t own too many personal artifacts, aside from some clothes and weapons. The only thing of use would’ve been your credits. You worry again at the realization, dipping your head before continuing to speak,

“Shit Mando, I don’t have any money on me. It was all back in my bunk, I don’t know how I’ll help pay for things around here unless Karga decides I can take on a quarry right away. Even then I’ll have to bring it back before I ever have a lick to my name.”

“You can make it back. I’ll split the profit from jobs that you assist me on. Cut depends on how useful you are and once you prove yourself, Karga will give you the decent pucks.” He swivels the chair and faces you, knees slightly spread as he leans forward in the chair, “Deal?”

You swallow and nod your head, mind blanking at how your head is level with the bend in his hips. You don’t think he's trying to come across as suggestive but the effect, intentional or not, invites a flutter of desire in your tummy. The Mandalorian leans back on his leather backing and sighs, the sound gentle despite the modulator warping his natural tone,

“You aren’t in my way. I swear it. If I had more time before leaving I would’ve asked you to join me anyway, you're good with your hands and always had more… compassion? Than anyone else in the company. I admire that quality.” That makes you straighten back up to meet his visor. He sounds nearly shy.

“O-oh…” You never even thought he noticed you aside from when you touched up the Razor Crest. The compliment sends warmth throughout your body, as languid as sex pollen in the near feverish effect. You don’t know how to respond at all, you’re feeling disjointed, like you may reveal too much if you don't change the subject soon. You wish you could be snappier but you’re exhausted. Maybe try for a joke?

“I g-guess you value girls good with their hands, huh. H-haha?”

Silence. Hm.

That was the absolute worst thing you could’ve come up with.

It didn’t meet even a single one of your simple ass goals, which entail the following:

Thank him.

Change the subject.

Not reveal how much his words make you want him to rail you.

Wow, what the fuck- kill me. He hasn’t moved an inch, much less reacted to your shitty joke. The positioning of your bodies that you found so hot ten seconds prior is now a place you’d try anything to escape from. It’s almost comical how his height advantage serves to emphasize the disappointment in the small room. He hasn’t responded so you’re guessing he won’t bother to try. Heavy silence suffocates you to the point of desperation, you need to fill it with something right now or you swear you’ll die.

“I-I jus-t mean like- Well you had certain- ah- habits, you’d adhere to in your free time. Li-like um, I mean you didn’t hide much. Kinda obvious if you- listen, uh, I didn’t mean t-to say that I-I was joking around-”

“Get to the point.”

“I-” Your tummy fills with heat at his command. “Umm..” You wipe your hands on your thighs and glance down from his voice. The hours of on and off adrenaline must be majorly messing with your head. It’s kinda weird that you want him this badly after everything that went down today. Wasn’t your most recent concern something about avoiding death at the hands of a bitch you hate most in the galaxy? To be honest you can’t recall.

The proximity of his groin is suddenly at the forefront of your mind. Again.

He slowly tilts his helmet to look at you, arms bending to settle in a relaxed position on the armrests. You are extremely aware of how you’re blatantly staring at him but your mind is slow to come up with a valid response, blankness written in the reflection on his visor. His position on the chair is mountainous, looming over your body in a way that boxes you in between the passenger seat and the Crest console. You feel like a prey animal... In a sexy way? Maybe?

Although, when he leans back into his seat, helmet still trained on your face, you are unsure if you’re actually pissing him off or not.

“Say what you mean.”

Okay, the sexy is mixing a little with anxiety.

“Ah- Um well, I just mean like. It’s not like you hid it from me- everyone else too. In the company. Ran’s company? ‘Cause, I- We… always overheard you and Xi’a- Her…” Fuck, your mouth is so dry that last part came out like a squeak. “I’m sorry, I’m rambling again um, I kinda thought you were doing it on purpose. With Xi’an. Making me hear when you’d...fuck her.” Cheeks blazing, you duck your head back down, which doesn’t help at all since you’re just face to face with his crotch once more.

“You say ‘always’...” Mando’s inflection is lost somewhere between statement and question, his tone confusing enough that you end up lifting your head from its bowed position below him.

“Y-yes?”

“As in this was a common position you found yourself in? Did you overhear me multiple times?” Now he poses not one but two questions for you, neither of which you feel brave enough to answer steadily. You can’t deflect further at this point so you answer him with a sigh.

“No, I only heard you once. Xi’an always wanted me to hear her though. It was gross.” Mortified, you gather your legs under your body to stand up from the floor. You think the hyperdrive issue is fixed well enough to hold until Nevarro. When your hand reaches for the edge of the armrest to pull yourself up it is abruptly enveloped in warm leather. Half crouched, your arm jerks back a little in surprise at his touch.

“I wasn’t asking about myself specifically. And I wouldn’t force you to participate in her games, had I known.”

Maker strike my ass down. Can humans die from embarrassment? You wish it were possible if it got you out of this conversation. He’s correct, he didn’t specify whether you had heard his moaning. If you weren’t nursing these stupid feelings for Mando you never would’ve given away the fact that you memorized every tantalizing second of what you overheard. Not only is this embarrassing, but you don’t want him to think you’re a sicko who wanted to eavesdrop in the first place. The clarification about his awareness of Xi'an's timing is comforting but not enough to erase what you already admitted to him. You somehow feel sweaty and bone-dry at the same time, a flush spreading over your face.

“I’m so sorry.”

“I heard you too.”

You both speak at the same second, and a beat passes before either of you process what the other said. He- what? What is he talking about? Are we having two totally different conversations right now? When did you ever fuck someone on that space station anyway… unless he means… in the fresher…

This time he is the one who breaks the silence, “You’re sorry for… overhearing me?”

“Y-yes, I really, really, don’t want you to think I’m a creep or anything. Anything I heard was involuntary, I swear. Xi’an w-wanted to make me… Um…” You trail off shyly, sitting down again. His hand is still over yours.

“Get to the point.” His voice is filled with heat now, so low and compelling that you’d tell him anything just to keep it that way. You whisper your response, lifting your eyes to his dark visor wishing you could meet his gaze.

“She wanted to make me jealous. Over you.”

“Mm… You wanted me instead?”

“Maker, yes.”

The climate between you and the Mandalorian made a 180. Nerves dissolving like honey in tea, all at once being taken over by a hum of sexual tension while his fingers caress a warm pattern over your knuckles. Exhilaration builds within you, though in the back of your mind you are calculating the possible motives behind his advance.

You know sometimes, after a particularly rough day, people are compelled to relieve their pent-up stress through intimacy. There’s a reason why the market of sex work thrives under wartime, terror existing constantly in a fighter’s life must be paired with the softer, inner-most comforts of knowing another living being, or they’d go mad with sorrow. Brothels made a lot of money during the last stages of the Empire’s rule from both Imps, Rebels, and neutral parties alike.

It’s not out of the ordinary for you to seek each other out right now, yet can’t help but dream that this might mean more.

The Mandalorian’s hand currently encasing yours flips your wrist to trace the lines of your palm. Sighing you tilt your head to the side, a curtain of hair cascading across your features. His free hand reaches out to brush the strands away before he gently grips your jaw, hand large enough to press his thumb on the front of your chin while his fingers wrap lightly under your ear.

“I heard you too, pretty girl. You called out for me in the fresher… just what were you doing in there? Describe it- please.” He speaks with such allure that you break under his voice, pressing your cheek to his palm.

“I-I thought of you watching me while I touched my pussy. I was so wet thinking about how I want you to feel me after being under all your armor, Stars, even the wind can’t touch you Mando. I thought about how you must crave the feeling of something so soft… can I show you how soft I am?” Your free hand raises to rest gently on his knee, fingertips hesitating at the edge of his thigh piece. He is still fully suited for battle, explosives strapped to one boot and rifle across his shoulders.

You wish so badly to help him unwind, you would never disrespect him by trying to remove his armor, but you want to help him move past the experience that was Cantonica. Mando continues to stare at you for several tense seconds before melting into your touch.

“H-helmet stays on.” He breathes out shakily, a slight tremor running through his legs as your fingers lightly explore the fabric under the edge of the piece of metal. “But the rest… the rest can come off.”

He’s already moving to undo the magnetic connectors holding his cuirass in place so you scramble to follow his movements. The rust-colored armor on his body has complex enough attachments that you don’t really know where to begin. Your hands clamber around, mostly following his deft movements. Slowly a man of flesh and blood is revealed, and as his impenetrable exterior melts away you find the true shape of him.

The armor serves to add a few inches of bulk on his features, enhanced proportions making out a dramatic silhouette designed to be spotted from miles away. Without it his body is still so powerful, built hard as stone and broad, hard angles melding enticingly with a hidden softness. Not hidden- you realize -it compliments him completely. The pieces fall away and you’re left with the unexplored bareness of him. He is human and warm, evidence of this betrayed in rare moments where his hands travel lightly up your arms while you work at his pauldrons, brushing through your hair here and there before finally returning to your jaw to hover in front of your lips.

“Off.” He instructs shortly, brushing the seam of his thumb over your bottom lip. Your mouth falls open to explore him with your tongue, tasting salt, blaster residue, and a hint of the heat he holds in his body. Satisfied, you bite down gently on the glove ridge, watching as he pulls off the leather encasing his hand and drinking in the sight of golden skin as it is revealed to you inch by inch. All you’ve seen of him is one bare hand and somehow it is the sexiest thing you’ve ever laid your eyes on. Flames lick your body, spreading from your white-hot core, energy gathering with such impassioned motions that at any second now it will burst from your skin, a reaction so immense that you could birth another galaxy.

You want to taste his skin too.

“Fuck baby-” You take his middle finger down to the knuckle, emboldened by his slurred reaction, noises startling to babble out of the bounty hunter as his stoicism falls apart under your tongue. Humming around the digit, you start to bob your head gently, eyes locked on his impassive visor while filthy, filtered noises drift through the beskar. It’s like there is no barrier at all between you, the air thrumming with a longing so great that you feel one with the man crumbling before you. If you're not careful you will fall with him.

“Mando, Plea-se,” You stutter around him, voice shaking more than intended. “I want to f-feel more of you, let me touch you, please-” You squawk, mouth empty when he suddenly rips off the other glove, tossing it behind him before reaching down his torso to pull the hem of his trousers south. You gulp in trepidation, unable to tear your eyes away as enticing dark hair displays itself, leading to the base of his cock. He pauses, but you’re so caught up in discovering him that you don’t notice the tonal shift.

“Before I show you this-” dark words enunciated by palming his cock through the fabric, “I need to know where to put it.”

What kind of question is that? You’re honestly bewildered, mind blank before you realize that the options are overwhelming. In his own way, he is asking you to verbalize consent, which is very much appreciated. You want him in your pussy, to work his way deep in your body and in turn, discover just how human you are... yet… You feel oddly unprepared. It’s not that you don't think you can take him, in fact you can't recall ever being this wet in your life. It’s just… after today… you want to help him unwind but you’re still not fully there. You still want to please him, but you’re not ready to let him know you that way, not until you come back to yourself.

So in that case…

“I want you in my mouth, hunter.”

Mando growls then grabs your wrist, guiding it over the edge of fabric and onto his throbbing length. He shudders while you process the feeling of him. He is thick, the width of his cock so wide that your middle finger and thumb are straining to meet each other. You release him from his pants then try to pull at the hem to wiggle them down his thighs. He obliges and lifts his hips so that you can reveal more delicious olive skin, but he makes no move to assist you with his hands. You get the feeling that he is drinking in your efforts to touch him, the sensation of your jerky movements giving away how much you want him.

You kiss and nibble at every possible moment, one hand drifting lightly over the length of him, twirling at the base dusted with short, dark hairs, cupping his balls then moving back up, your mouth traveling to meet your fingers. Hissing, his hand flashes up to meet the back of your head, fingers tangling in strands to tug tightly on your scalp. With a light moan, you tongue along the side of him, teasing hot air more than actually licking him.

“Look at me- fuck - pretty thing, s-so fucking willing for me, I want to see you take my cock as far as you can, s-show me how much you can handle-” He pulls harder at your hair, dragging you roughly enough to control your neck, back up from where you were sucking at his hip to the head of his dick. “Are you going to show me yourself before or after I gag you on it?”

Fuck, you never realized how tantalizing submitting to another person could be, not until that came out of his mouth, rough enough to clip through the modulator. You elect to show him what you can handle. Leaning forward to meet the swollen tip, you part your plush lips and kiss at the drop of precum gathered there, before relaxing your jaw to take him halfway. He groans and nearly doubles over at the sudden sensation, holding you there for a second before you draw back up to spread your saliva more thoroughly. Lips rewet, you sink back down on him, gliding smoothly as you pull his cock deep within your mouth, drinking in his breathy groans.

“Maker, yes … that’s it, fuck-” You attempt to sink even further down on the Mandalorian’s impressive length, but stop short a few inches from his base, blunt head pressing in your throat. “-so good, s-so good for me baby, you look perfect like this.”

He’s so far back inside you that you can’t access your vocal cords to produce any noise at all, otherwise you’d be whining at his praise. Your hands are free to assist you at any time, you could circumvent his daunting length if you wanted help. But you want to impress him. Besides, your palms are warm on his torso, traveling under his shirt to feel the ropes of muscle there. You don’t want to remove them.

You surface to the tip, taking a deep breath in preparation before ducking to take him as deep as you can manage. He watches you, entranced at the sight of a face so lovingly strained to please him. Your gag reflex spasms but you will it away, determined to fully engulf his cock at least once even if you find you’re unable to handle more. The noises rising from your throat are brutal and raw as you choke around him, his helmet blurring when tears fill your eyes. You bob a little then almost give up when the urge to retreat floods your senses but then he starts talking again- so filthy that you can’t stop yet.

“You’re trying so fucking hard, fuck, I love seeing you wrapped around my cock, Maker, you feel so fucking good, I can’t imagine how your little pussy must feel, you’re so warm, so, fu-fuck, tight…” The stream of filth serves as your motivation to bob for as long as possible on his length, throat stretched obscenely around him. You realize hazily that there are tears streaming from your eyes, but the urge to pull off is lost in dizziness as the oxygen in your lungs depletes. You keep going and going, your high at its peak as you recognize that your body is starting to fade in black. You should pull off and breathe, one quick breath is all you need, but the way he’s filling you is more addicting than the purest Spice. He notices when you start to slump into his lap and pulls you up gasping for air.

Nearly fainting never felt so good.

“Shit, are you alright?” You nod and rest your cheek on his thigh, face turned on its side to meet his visor as he spins little circles in your vision. A soothing hand brushes against your cheekbone, tracing a gentle pattern on its height. “You were doing so good for me baby. No need to hurt yourself.” Mando’s voice is still breathless, offering you tenderness through a cloud of stimuli.

“I’m okay- I’m… I just need to catch m-my breath.” You’re still heaving unevenly but you want him so bad, you want him to finish for you, your wants translating into weak pawing at his dick trying to give him more sensation. He catches your wrist with an airy laugh and guides your uncoordinated movements to better stroke him. The sound fills you with light.

“Pretty thing, I know you want me. Try to not die on my dick before I’ve had the chance to feel your cunt.” His hand leaves yours on his length and reaches over your ass to cup the apex of your thighs through your pants. You jerk up and almost crack the crown of your head open on the chin of his beskar but his other palm is pressed between your shoulder blades, keeping you bent over in his lap. A garbled noise tears from you when his index and ring finger spread on either side of your outer lips, allowing his middle finger space to travel up and down your seam, so wet that you can feel the slickness gathering through two layers of fabric onto the tip of his finger.

“Ah, Fuck! Mando, I-I- wait please, please, wait-” He draws his hand up away from your wet center, reaching your asscheek before you yelp and snatch his forearm to stop him from retreating farther. “I s-still wanna, I wanna make you come. You first, before-before me.”

“Baby, you’re… fuck okay. Can I still touch you?” Mando caresses your hip at the fold where it meets your thigh.

“Later, let me d-do this, please.” He allows you to lift his arm from your spine and rest it on the crown of your head as you move forward and try to meet his cock again. Pulling his thighs to the edge of the chair, you settle back on your knees and stroking him one-handed while he hums low in his throat. You wrap your lips around the swollen head, sucking and swirling your tongue before taking him deeper, this time using a palm to stroke the last few inches instead of opening your throat. Starting up a rhythm of bopping and stroking his velvety length that pulls incredible noises out of the Mandalorian, each one going straight to your swollen clit.

Coming up for air you start to jerk him off faster with your slick hand, meeting the T of his visor with your heated gaze, hoping that you are finding his eyes. He must enjoy the sight of you jerking him off because his moans start to tighten, hips thrusting into your palm.

“K-keep fucking doing that, good girl, fuck I-I’m close, where-where do you want it, baby?” You respond by settling low near his thighs, putting his cock above you with your tongue sticking out, wetting the tip while your wrist moves faster. Somehow he’s harder than ever and-

Mando curses through his teeth as his cock convulses, warm spurts of cum painting your tongue, cheeks, and nose bridge, rivers of him flowing down your chin and dribbling on the swell of your chest. He grips the back of your head tight enough to hurt, then rips one hand down to stroke himself, smearing the mess across your features.

The fingers on your scalp loosen then graciously begin rubbing at the base of your neck to soothe the soreness on your head. One of your eyelids is sealed shut due to a rope of his cum crossing from nose to eyebrow, the other eye unfocused, hazy with pleasure as you listen to him come down from his peak. A low noise rises from your throat as he massages your scalp, feeling tingly all over as blood flows back to the area.

“T-Thank you… that was great, I-“ he breaks off when you start to gather his cum off your skin, licking it off your fingers while studying his visor through your lashes. “Hey, let me…”

He surprises you by wiping at your face with his cape, still hanging off the arm of the pilot chair from when you detached it. You giggle, “Is there a way to wash that on here? I can’t even tell if that hole in the wall includes a shower.”

“There’s enough to work with.”

You laugh louder at that, “That’s encouraging. I hope there’s ‘enough to work with’ so that I don’t meet Karga covered in cum.” Pausing to consider your current position, you add, “Actually, that might help my case.”

Face wiped mostly clean, you're able to open both eyes now, taking in his posture. A jolt shoots through you when you realize he’s holding himself differently for some reason, he looks almost predatory but maybe that’s just the effect of Beskar’s harsh angles... Nope, he’s leaning forward now, caging you in again.

“You want to look sexy for Karga?” Gulping, you try to figure out the best response but he continues before your slow-ass mind can catch up, “You’re right, that might help you get better pucks. But I don’t know if I want my hunting partner to be introduced that way. I still need to return the favor…”

He lifts your body with ease, pulling you sideways onto his lap. Mando’s warm hand slides along the bend in your knee, slow and sensual on your body. He caresses you aimlessly, relaxed in the afterglow of cumming so hard. You’re still tightly wound, energy balled in your body as his movements serve to wind you up even more. But he’s not moving any faster so you relax into his broad chest, enjoying the feeling of his bare skin.

Time blurs with your senses. His touch pulls you to a place right out of your daydreams, where everything is draped in velveteen and silk. You’ve honestly forgotten his original goal in the first place, and as his arm begins to drag on its path, it seems like he has too. The stroking on your arm has lowered your arousal to a simmer, leaving you content to stay laying across his lap, the glow of hyperspace streaking over your bodies. All at once, you realize he’s no longer moving over your body, his chest rising and falling deeply against your shoulder.

He’s asleep. Surprise registers sleepily somewhere in your exhausted mind, the realization behind layers of warm fuzz. Didn’t even think he slept.

There’s a full day of travel until you reach Nevarro. Snuggling closer into the warm crook of his neck to resolve to live in this dream for as long as possible. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.

#the mandalorian #din djarin #the mandalorian x reader #the mandalorian x reader insert #mando x reader #reader insert #fanfic #star wars #mandalorian fanfic #din djarin x reader #smut #smut fic #mandalorian smut fanfic #the mandalorian x you #mando x you

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wind-becomes-lightning · 2 years

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First of all - CONGRATS! You definitely deserve this and so much more,,

So uh. My brain is still sauce. Shinobi fluff?🥺 Both of them getting home after a long day of helping Kakashi prank his old anbu colleagues? Sth like that? Pwease? You already spoil me so much with your writing but I can't get enough :')

Babe! It literally took me a minute to figure out what you meant with shinobi (I was like ... which shinobi???), because I'm an idiot! But I got there! Babies!

We talked about it, we are pranking Gai.

So here is for you (and for @foolishkali in a way) some domestic OMG THEY WERE ROOMMATES fluffy shit. A little self indulgent too.

Kiss for you.

100 Follower Celebration - send me a prompt!

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When Sayuri moved out of home (without getting married first) her father screamed at her and she left the house with almost nothing except for her things and the little money she had saved up from missions. When Shinra moved out their parents provided them with support, care, and supplies. “We ought to have a party,” Sayuri said, her legs leaning against the wall and her head down the cheap couch they had purchased somewhere. “Celebrate our first apartment.”

Shinra considered pointing out that Sayuri really didn’t do and bring as much as them, but held their breath. It was not her fault. “We could invite Kaiya, Gai, Obito” Shinra felt a sting at the sound of his name. “And… I guess Kakashi could come too.” Shinra laughed: “Just because you name him last does not distract from the fact that you thought of him first, you know.” Shinra got a strong knock into the side from their friend. Ultimately they decided to invite people round.

There wasn’t much there to prepare, Sayuri’s room was almost empty except for an old futon style bed she had found somewhere for cheap and while Shinra’s parents had provided the necessary utilities for the two of them to live together (for the kitchens especially!), they had nothing in the living room except the couch. Well, with alcohol, Sayuri had said, it didn’t matter that it was empty. Shinra agreed and so they bought more sake than they could afford.

The boys arrived first. Gai was all over the apartment, complimenting his way through the old couch to the sparsely filled kitchen, to the view, Shinra's room and he even found something positive to say about the mess that was Sayuri’s room. Shinra watched his greens swirl excitedly through every corner and it was infectious as always. Kakashi stopped when he saw where Sayuri would live now, when he heard that her family had given her nothing. Shinra could see the icy blue’s move in worry, but as always he said nothing. Obito must have seen their face frowning as he sent a message through his orange red flares alone. Those two are exhausting.

Kaiya arrived after that, poised and beautiful as always. Shinra let herself get kissed on the cheek and watched as she proceeded to also give one to Obito. Kaiya’s chakra colour was a lovely light red, and Shinra blinked her eyes from one Uchiha to the next. Light red, orange red, burgundy red and then Kakashi with his little, almost unremarkable red streak too. Very different from Shinra’s usual Hyuuga dominated household of full whites.

Before any of them had even touched a sake cup, Obito suggested wisely that they should go out and eat something first. “We will invite the cheapskates of course, they need their money, plus they already spent so much on alcohol”, he added wisely, an elbow parked on Sayuri’s shoulder. They decided to go out for Ramen, since Ichraku was just around the block, and after a small “Did you get the key?” - “No, I left mine!” situation was worked out, they made their way. Kakashi couldn’t help but comment “How will you guys ever work alone”, but Sayuri knocked herself into his shoulder.

They spend three hours at the Ramen place, which in Shinra’s eyes defeated the purpose of the party a bit. After all, it was supposed to be their apartment party. The others were already drinking, sake cups being filled and emptied, while Shinra held back as usual. Problems with seeing and problems with hand coordination through alcohol? Not a great mix. Obito clung to Shinra on their way back, talking about his students and the missions he’d been on. They just let him talk, enjoying his presence so unusually close.

Back at the apartment they continued drinking and talking, all of them stuck together on the small couch in the living room. Shinra began a heated discussion with Gai about turtles and how old one could become. They could be very competitive if they wanted to make their point clear, and Gai wasn’t backing down either. It was all in good fun obviously and Shinra loved arguing with Gai. He was passionate, but never insulted anyone personally. A good guy.

Time flew by and soon their friends were all over the top drunk. Gai had moved on to challenge Kakashi to a “walking-on-hands” duel, which Kakashi had first declined but then accepted. They were now walking head down around the living room and Shinra feared they’d throw up over their carpet floor. Kaiya was sitting close to Obito and listened to him telling her the same story about his missions he had told Shinra previously. Sayuri was leaning at their shoulder, her speech slurring a bit: “I’m glad I’m out of that house.” Shinra did not have to ask for clarification. They looked around the room at everybody’s chakras in disarray. How fun was it to have friends like that.

As midnight turned into 1 am and then 2 am most of the drunk people had fallen asleep somewhere, too knocked out by alcohol and tiredness to even go home. Kaiya was sleeping on Obitos shoulder and Gai was sleeping head on her lap. Sayuri had disappeared at some point, probably into her room and Kakashi was gone too, probably also in her room. Shinra was sitting shoulder to shoulder with Obito, their eyes closed and resting, when he suddenly spoke like a whisper in their ear: “Hey, blind worm.”

Hey deaf snake, Shinra replied without actually opening their mouth, avoiding to wake the others up. Obito’s chakra was flaring dangerously, an exciting swirl of orange, not unlike when he was in combat. Do you think it’s true that one pisses themselves when you put the hand in warm water? Shinra laughed quietly. I’ve never thought about it. Shinra, already fired up by his suggestive question answered to him before he could ask them: Yes, I would love to try it out.

Obito took good care that Kaiya did not wake when he rose and he followed Shinra into the little kitchenette. Taking Shinra by the hand he found a bucket somewhere, gave it to them to touch and approve of, and then filled it full with water. Shinra could hear the water run and threw a look over their shoulder to the living room, but no, the chakra levels stayed even and calm. Gai and Kaiya were deeply asleep. Alcohol coma.

They silently decided on Gai as a target. One of his hands was loosely hanging down, while he was laying belly down on the couch. This operation was actually not as easy as one would think, especially not with one deaf and one blind person. It needed good coordination and reassurance. Luckily Obito and Shinra knew each other in and out. Obito placed the bucket and took Gai’s hand to put it into the water, because he could see. Shinra stealthed her hearing and used her ability to follow Gai’s chakra flow, green and regular, to make sure he wasn’t woken up. It all went down without a hitch. Shinra was elated.

For a moment they just stood side by side, Obito without a doubt watching their masterpiece in front of him, but then Shinra signalled him to follow them into their room. After all, they could not really talk to Obito if they had to remain silent the entire time, plus this whole thing might take quite a while, who knew even. He followed dutifully. They both sat down on Shinra’s bed, an old wooden bedframe with a new mattress they had gotten from their parents as a moving gift. Nothing too fancy, but it did its job.

“Where do you think Kakashi has gone?” Obito asked out loud now, his body stretched out over the length of the bed. Shinra laid down next to him, their face turned to him. They could see his sharingan eye burn in a more intense red and knew he was looking at them. “I don’t know.” A half lie. Shinra did not know for sure, but they had a pretty good idea. “Thinking of it, Sayuri is gone too”, he said and then he added: “God, they are together aren’t they?” Shinra yawned a little. “Why don't you use your emotional link with him to figure it out?”

“No, damn, definitely not. I don’t want to get in his head when… you know.. I don’t want to know…” Shinra moved their head slightly to the direction of Sayuri’s room. They could see the burgundy reds and the light blues, but they were calmly circulating right next to each other. Clearly, they were only sleeping. Shinra decided to say nothing. Obito sighed and then reached out a hand to touch Shinra’s little braids. “I wonder…” he said, “Do you remember what I look like?”

Shinra moved their face together trying to concentrate deeply. They had lost their eyesight so long ago that they didn’t recall much anymore. Their parents' faces were clear in their mind, the favourite toy, the view out of the window of their childhood bedroom. When they tried to envision other peoples faces it was all just an explosion of colour and pain, a memory of when their byakugan took their eyesight away. It was painful to admit but: “No, I do not. Sorry.” Shinra added quickly: “I wish I knew, though.”

“I wish I knew how you sound like”, Obito replied earnestly. “Kaiya does that sometimes, right? Lets you touch her so you have an idea of what she looks like?” He was still spinning the braids around his finger. Yes, Shinra had a pretty good idea of the way Kaiya looked from the many little touches exchanged between them. They hummed in agreement. He took his fingers from their hair and took their hand, carefully and softly, and set it on his cheek. Shinra felt immediately that it was the scarred cheek. “You have so many of them”, Shinra noted, their fingers following the half circles across his face. He said nothing in return, with his free hand touching Shinra’s own facial scars.

He had gotten so close now, Obito’s breath was warm on Shinra’s face. It was exciting and nerve wracking at the same time. They had always been close with each other, but this was a new found form of intimacy that took Shinra’s breath away a little. They did this with Kaiya all the time, lying and touching, but they’d never done it with him. Nobody spoke for a good while, the hands the only thing moving. Obito’s reds were calmly circulating around his body. He was at ease.

Then a loud scream ripped through the quiet and both of them sat up straight immediately. A second, higher pitched scream followed and Shinra noticed the blood red circular shape in Obito’s eye. Then two more behind the door and too more in the living room. The Uchiha’s had brought their sharingan into play right away. Obito jumped up and ripped the door open. At the other end of the hallway the door was opened by Kakashi, hair hanging half messed up over his face, bags under the eyes, but both eyes out and sharp.

They followed Obito in the living room. Gai was sitting on his knees in front of Kaiya, holding her hand like she was a princess and he apologised furiously: “I’m so sorry Miss Kaiya, I didn't mean to startle you and wake you up. I want to apologise for scaring you as much as I did. I should not have-” Kaiya clapped his hand lightly with hers: “No, no, don’t worry. It’s fine.” She looked up to the others standing in the doorway. “What happened here?” Shinra asked, watching the light reds still in a little disarray.

“I woke up and noticed I had a little accident”, Gai explained eloquently. “It surprised me and in my surprise I must have startled lovely Kaiya over here, for which I am very sorry.” He got up to show it to the others. There was a gasp all around. Obito laughed so loud that he almost choked on his own cough when he tried to fill Shinra in: “He pissed himself apparently.” Shinra laughed too, their hand finding Obito’s to squeeze it quickly. Well there was the answer. You could actually piss yourself like that. “Too much alcohol, huh, Gai?” Sayuri said and walked over to sisterly touch his arm in sympathy. “Oh, yes, it happens when you are as youthful as I am! My body is always ready to disperse the toxin immediately.” Shinra shook their head. He wasn’t even embarrassed about it.

Obito walked over now too, patting with his hand on Gai’s shoulder: “Don’t worry, Turtle, I’ll take you home in no time.” That was not how he was supposed to use his Kamui, but he did it all the time anyway. “Kaiya, do you want me to take you home too?” he asked, but Shinra answered almost immediately for her: “No, she can sleep here.” They could feel Obito’s voice in their head for a second. In your bed? And Shinra replied with a stretch of their neck. Why not? He did not inquire further on this.

“Kakashi, you?” The addressed man yawned and answered very shortly: “No. I will sleep here.” Sayuri protested right away. “Who allowed you to stay over huh? I didn’t say you could-” But he just said “Bed.” and dragged her away by the collar. She complained until her door closed behind them upon which she quieted down suddenly. Shinra turned their head lightly and could see the blues and reds melted into each other. Well that was certainly one way to shut her up. Obito sighed again. “Time to go, big guy.” Gai turned to Kaiya one last time: “I want to again apologise to you for how I scared you. It was not my intention to make you worry and-” He couldn’t finish the sentence because Obito had taken him away.

Shinra helped Kaiya to get ready for bed. She was still pretty dizzy from sleep and alcohol and needed a little support. Luckily Shinra and her were almost exactly as good of a team as Obito and Shinra were, so they figured it out without issues. Kaiya climbed into the bed first, moving all the way to the wall and Shinra slipped under the cover after her. They let her move her head on their arm and settled in peacefully. A few moments passed until Kaiya whispered, her voice already heavy with tiredness: “You pranked Gai, didn’t you? Obito and you. Together.” Busted. “Yes.” Kaiya laughed a little: “Poor Gai.”

Shinra was still awake an hour later when the air swirled red again and Obito returned silently through Kamui. They had not expected him to come back, much less that he’d materialise right in their bedroom, but here he was. I’m back, he signalled and Shinra acknowledged him with a nod. It was surprisingly hard to get Gai to bed. It’s not easy to get him out of that jumpsuit. Gai had taken many, many hours out of his days to explain to Shinra how his jumpsuit worked and what he wore it for, so they were really familiar with it, even if they hadn’t seen it. I can imagine.

Obito stood there for a bit, his chakra full of nervosity. Shinra decided to be patient and wait for him to talk to them first about what was on his mind, but it took him a bit to decide. Finally, he breathed out deeply. Can I come too? Even in their head Shinra could hear his voice shake. Come where? Shinra blinked into his bright colours. You know, t-the bed. They let out a sharp breath. With Kaiya and me? He squirmed a little, clearly embarrassed by the question. Yes. They considered his question for a second. Was this bed even big enough for the three of them? But then they decided. Yes, you can. His chakra flared excited as he took off both sweater and pants before moving onto the bed, his body pressed against Shinra.

Before they fell asleep, Kaiya’s head on their left and Obito’s head on their right shoulder, Shinra thought about the future and the past. The days they had spent isolated, alone and excluded not only from others their age, but their family. Before they had changed their name and left the clan behind. The times they thought that no longer being able to look after Hinata and Hanabi meant that they had nothing to strive for in the future. How wrong they had been. The kid version of them would have never thought that someday they’d not only live with a friend, but also have many, many other good friends and - in Obito's case- maybe even more than that.

Shinra smiled. If only there was a way to put perfect moments in a jar to keep them around forever.

#oc: shinra #oc: sayuri #oc: kaiya #nisi's follower celebration #some ot3 action in there too so #anywayyyyy this is hopefully what you want henry ilu #i could not get that scene out of my head with all of them huddled together on the couch and i wish i could draw it #it just is so cute in my mind #fanfiction things

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life-rewritten · 3 years

Text

START UP- DREAMS: DISILLUSIONS vs DESTINY

It's starting to get exhausting dealing with the discourse in Start-up, especially when revolving around the love triangle that refused to be ceased. Heads up, whilst I'm on here analysing mostly about the relationship with Dosan and Dalmi. I didn't have a side for a long time, I also liked Jipyeong because he was based on Cyrano, he was the guy who wrote to her soul or whatever, but the thing is, as much as I've tried to follow where the show leads me, what clues the show leaves, which Fate is supporting (Fate represents the writer's opinion as well) and why a couple deserves to be together, whilst I've tried to be unbiased, I can't help but now shift the other way to Dosan 100%. I will be infuriated and disappointed if Dalmi ends up Han Ji Pyeong, there I said it, irrationally, possessively, and harshly. And I know this won't get a lot of notes and support but who cares. This is my voice and my opinion. I have come to dislike Jipyeong a lot, fear not this is not a Jipyeong hate post, I don't have it in me to make lists of reasons for why I dislike him, but this is about episode 11-12, our characters breakdowns from their dreams and destiny.

All of our main characters in start-up have a dream that yes again, Fate is trying to lead them to, but sometimes their goals don't align with what Fate has for them. The characters experiences; have shaped them to see the future in one way, to want things in another, and to also feel stopped cruelly by Fate and Luck each time it's near them, however, like with Destiny and Purpose, these characters are guided by Fate with good intentions, all the plans for Fate for them are to get to them to their most significant potential and success, even if it seems like it's not for them. Everyone is guided and pushed by Fate, almost forced even, if you try to do something that isn't for you Fate harshly stops you, if you try to run away from something that is for your benefit Fate forces you to go there.

So our 4 main characters have a destined path for them designed by Fate, its to ensure their skills, growth and talents are utilised in every way possible. This episode it seemed like everything was crashing down for our babies but really, although everyone feels defeated this storm was a push in the right direction. Here's why;

DOSAN’S DREAM: TO BE LOVED

Dosan, my Dosan, no words to explain the hurt he went through this episode. The way his dreams came crashing right in front of him, the way that the only way for him to move forward was to be on pause for a while and fulfil what the world wanted for him, to be a genius. I've written so many posts about Dosan being the person who's the most needed, used and wanted in the world of Start-Up. He's the key man remember, he's the person who everyone falls apart without him there. This episode Dosan was forced to go to the next part of his destiny, somewhere where he'd be utilised more and needed. Dosan was born to code, he was born to be a genius, not even metaphorically, or jokingly, the boy was given coding as his strength, it's automatic to him, authentic to him and is the thing that he's the most accurate at.

Except for so long because of this Dosan resented himself, he found it useless when he couldn't make friendships or connect with people correctly, he found it useless when it came to being loved for who he was, he found it useless when it came to him trying to find meaning for why he was such a loser. For him, coding was his comfort, his tool to help wherever he can (because that's just him helpful) and the only thing he could rely on. But because of this Dosan never saw how vital his coding was, he's humble, modest and just using it to help wherever he can, he didn't notice all that coding has done for other people.

First, it provided his friends job they were happy in; Their potential was seen (CODA and 2STO.

It led to an accurate handwriting forgery test to detect forgery other businesses.

It led to success with Noongil for both Dalmi's grandma and so many other people,

It led to him also accurately helping Dalmi code for her drug recognition app, which is also crucial for everyone to use.

Dosan is incredible, and the fact that he didn't understand why Alex would spend billions and billions to just get him is so sad, but it's good because it means he's not going to go bad. I just love him (that's me being biased). Everyone can see (apart from Jipyeong who I'll explain later), how great he is, how important he is but Dosan only wants his dreams, to be loved.

It's like he views his coding/geniusness like a curse? It makes him awkward and struggles with everything else, and it makes him feel worthless. All he's ever wanted was to be loved for who he really is (even though being a genius is also who he is);

He wanted his dad to love him without the idea of being a genius,

He wanted his friends to be by his side just for him,

He wanted Dalmi to love him only as his awkward, weird and stupid Dosan self.

His dreams from the start felt blocked because everyone tried to push him to see being a genius as his dream. His father interrupted his speech to Park Changho about what he wanted to say the obvious; winning awards etc. Dosan saw it as a burden, guilt, and just a barrier to actually loving himself for who he is.

DOSAN’S DESTINY; TO BE A GENIUS AND THE NAM DO SAN OF DALMI’S LETTERS

Thing is yes I get it, I get why he just thinks being loved and being happy is enough for him. But I agree with Fate as we've seen Dosan is so needed by the world for all that he can do, he's automatically the most selfless and inventive person around him, he takes dreams, ideas, and illusions and makes them real. Heck, he's a real-life manifestation of dreams (Dalmi's own dream guy). He's so incredible the way he just is, the symbol for everyone's hopes and dreams to come through; this isn't me being biased!

In episode 12 alone we see it;

He brings hope as a symbol for Youngsan's dreams; to not be seen as a failure.

He brings the solution for Dalmi's ideas to come through because he fixes and solves the coding issue for her on the plane.

He brings proof for Chulsan who always wanted to be seen and noticed for his skills and be recognised by going to 2STO.

He also brought ease for Dalmi's grandmum to still live comfortable although she may not be able to see. Still, he also made her dreams for granddaughter come through because he is a real-life manifestation of the guy she wanted for her.

He also made wishes come through for Jipyeong despite him not seeing it: he's the real-life representation which helps repay Jipyeong's debt to the grandma.

Dosan is so needed by everyone and also the world, so he couldn't stay stuck in the sandbox with Dalmi, he had to be forced to move on for now. So his dreams (to be loved) and her dreams (her dream guy) can come true.

DOSAN’S STORM: BEING FORCED TO GIVE IN AND SEPERATE FROM DALMI

Fate forces Dosan to become great and self-confident and see he's worthy.

That's where Alex comes through because Alex for everyone is actually the representation of Fate/Purpose, he's here to be the storm that forces them to grow. Like Dalmi said it's Fall; she's falling before she blossoms. Alex is the falling step, he's the hurt, the betrayals, the challenges before the beauty/truth is seen and appreciated. He's the fire/heat used to make the diamonds. And he did it, he pushed everyone by force to their next destinations. And he chose Dosan because he saw what we've seen, he knows how desperately the world needed Dosan's skills, how much his headquarters needed Dosan. He saw it all, and harshly had to cause reality to come so everyone grows up and pushes forward to where they need to go.

Symbols for Dosan's conflict with his dreams, vs destiny

Follow your dreams baseball: Dosan says he doesn't want the results and the awards Fate intends to bestow on him its led him to feel lonely with no one by his side. Fate doesn't stop his dreams as he thinks but also makes him viable for them without him knowing. Yes Dalmi broke his heart, but actually, it confirmed to us pretty much he's the one she wants, she selflessly chose to let him go because of how much she loves him, and he'll keep being in her heart until he returns. It also made her realise he is the guy of her dreams (despite the fact she said he wasn't) she was lying; everything she said was the opposite, he was the guy from her dreams, but at that moment life was making her think it was an illusion.

But in a show that is so supportive of dreams it literally is named after a place to prevent dreams from being ruined, Dalmi and Dosan will get back their dreams; its already in motion.

DALMI'S DREAMS: TO CONTINUE HER FATHER'S LEGACY AND BE SUCCESSFUL WITH HER CHOICES; TO PROVE EVERYONE WRONG/ TO BE CHOSEN

Dalmi is someone who I absolutely love, she's determined, resilient and she's actually so bright. The thing with her so far is that we see her potential, her ideas are genius, and she also represents dreams becoming a reality that is useful and helpful for people;

She's the one who poked Dosan in the right direction for the handwriting forgery test,

she's the one who brought up the idea of the self relying car

The person who brought up the idea for the drug recognition device.

She's great. But also she has her own dreams, Dalmi's dream whilst Dosan's is to be loved, is to be chosen/wanted. From a young age, she felt slighted that her sister and her mother did not pick her and her dad, and the fact the world seemed to make fun of her choices made by her heart. She had dreams to prove to everyone that she made the right choice, that she was on the right path, but also she wanted to continue her father's legacy and dreams. She wanted to be successful with her choices.

Her choices so far are: Her father, Dosan and being CEO of samsan tech. Each time she's been mocked, rejected by the world and hurt for her choices;

She's mocked by her sister for staying with her dad when he was going to die, and leave her alone, and force her to be behind.

She was rejected by the world as CEO of Samsan Tech when Alex didn't view her as useful or important,

and she was hurt because she chose Dosan as her love interest, she was hurt because she had to let him go cruelly to be who he was supposed to be, she was meant to be left alone by him if he was to grow and become prosperous.

In each of these, something great came out of it; her father inspired sandbox to be created, Samsan Tech was chosen by 2STO and won demo day, and Dosan was her dream guy manifested.

But she was the leftover, the discarded and the failure in each one. It's sad to see how much her dreams felt like disillusions, she was not the person winning from those dreams but the person those dreams did not belong to. Dalmi struggled this episode to see her self as worthy or needed. And that hurt.

DALMI'S DESTINY: TO BE THE GIRL ON THE SWINGS; AN INSPIRATION, A LEADER AND EXCELLENT SOURCE OF HELP TO PEOPLE

Thing is Dalmi is needed. Her destiny is to be the very face of the Sandbox company. She's the original source of the inspiration of this company used to make sure everyone's dream doesn't get hurt or ruined. She's meant to represent, innovation, comfort and success. She's meant to be great, and Fate wants her to be great. She's a leader, a spark of ideas, and a catalyst to winning. She is important. And she's destined to become a great source of help to people.

Notice the things she thinks of; its all to do with ease and helping people (like Dosan), whilst Dosan is application and manifestation, she's the innovation and inspiration to everything;

She is the person who makes him find a way to sort out the handwriting test,

She's the person who makes him realise how to sort out Noongil with VR and the voice activation,

She's the person who comes up with the self relying car,

She's the person who comes up with the drug recognition system.

See she's already the source of creation for helping the world and making life easier for people and companies. We see what she's good at in episode 1 with her father (she comes up with ideas for him, and she stays by his side as a helping hand). In episode 2 before she quits, she was able to get her company the money needed for buying the products she knew what fangirls wanted, and she catalysed sales. She's a catalyst. So why is she being deserted by Fate?

DALMI'S STORM: BEING REJECTED AS A CEO AND FORCED TO GIVE UP ON DOSAN

Fate forces Dalmi to become self-reliant and determined, she's been given the tools, experience, the location, dream, and the people by her side she just needs to see it.

Also, she was forced to reset, she was forced to go back and learn from her scars, remember she felt discarded by so many people, it wounded her pride and slowed her down, she was petty to her sister, and that always stopped her growth, Fate came in to force her to heal from that, to grow from that and work with her sister. Because they're both meant to fulfil her father's dream. Fate gave her the right people to use, and learn from (Dosan, Injae, Jipyeong, Sandbox owner, her father) to become who she's also meant to be. So it felt like Fall, but actually, it was for her to bloom into who she was meant to be.

If you noticed in episode 13 trailer: she has her own start up named after her father (fulfilling his legacy) she has the prototype for the car named after Dosan’s teachings (Tarzan) and she also works with Injae as well. She’s on her way to fulfilling her destiny, and Dosan needed to go for her to do so.

Symbols

Self relying car: Because those dreams aren't hers, see she's the catalyst in all of I've mentioned before, those scenarios where she's left, she's always helping others, but like her self reliant car, she needs to become self-reliant. Dosan is excellent to her he's her help, her inspiration, her guide, but she needs to grow and rely on her self, she needs to find out what her strengths are and not just rely on fantasies. Instead of dreaming it up, she needs to manifest it her self. She's now been given an opportunity without Dosan and JP input to find her own voice, where she's actually in charge and confident of what she knows.

Dosan's baseball: it was telling her to follow her dreams, not his, not JP, but hers. To do so, she needed to reset, return back to deal with her feelings, and pride and reunite with her scars and learn about her self. Dosan being there wouldn't help her at that moment. But also she returned the ball back to him: because he also needs to follow his path although he doesn't see it as his dreams; in doing what he was forced to, he'd return back to her and actually keep his promise/dream for her in episode 7 (to be wealthy and successful).

In a way, disappearing is fulfilling both their dreams/ideas Dalmis dream guy comes back to her the way she asked him to in episode 10 (the suit), and He becomes a dream version of himself for her. She still is his dream, and he still is hers.

It's funny how life works, it makes you face reality, but love brings fulfilment of dreams in a way you never expected it to, it's still going to get there, but you just have to climb up the mountain first before you see the view, a few obstacles to help you get to the top.

JIPYEONG'S DREAM: TO HAVE SUCCESS AND TO BE WEALTHY; TO BE WANTED

Jipyeong is an interesting case, he starts off alone, all he dreams of when he's young is to be successful and wealthy. But I also think his dreams are similar to Dalmi's; to be chosen/wanted. He's been without anyone for so long, deserted by Fate to be alone; he's an orphan. He doesn't trust anyone because he's never known how to, everything felt difficult, and he had to fight his way out on his own. For him, clinging to logic and controlling the real world is how he survives and is successful. In fact, controlling/investing in numbers is how he got his first success, that brought him here. He's always wanted to be wanted and chosen. But he also sees success as being above others as well, because he's been looked down on so long when he was younger, he wanted a chance to be seen as important.

In this episode everything comes crashing down for him

He realises he's not essential; He didn't even know details about someone he claimed he cared about the grandmum and her blindness. He noticed Dosan already helped her with that not him.

He realises he's not wanted; Dalmi already wanted and was in a relationship with Dosan who he looked down on; who just proved to everyone he's wanted and actually destined for greatness and success.

He realises he's not chosen; he stopped being seen as Samsan's Techs mentor by Yong San and everyone due to how much he belittles them and put them down. Because of this, they refused to listen to him when he tried to warn them and then he didn't try to help. He wasn't chosen by Dalmi although she thanked him for his words of advice. He wasn't chosen either by grandma because she already rejected him as Dalmi's love interest in episode 9.

So basically everything was falling apart for him, and he also realised he wasn't a good person. Although fangirls will keep on saying the opposite, he's not a good person, he's selfish and always so focused on the surface that he doesn't look deeper or take a chance on things. It makes him an awful mentor; all he does is break people down instead of offering advice on how to move forward—a pessimistic presence.

JIPYEONG'S DESTINY: FOUND FAMILY, TO BE WANTED DIFFERENTLY AND TO FEEL PEACE AND TRUST WITH PEOPLE. TO BE AN OLDER BROTHER TO ALL THESE CHARACTERS.

But the thing is like Jipyeong's strength has always been to do with Dalmi's grandmum. In fact, I wanted to say with Dalmi as well but not really cause he keeps crossing that line. His destiny has led him to finding someone who will choose and want him. Fate led him to Dalmi's grandmum in episode 1, it's why he was first shown, he also is being pushed by destiny to find the family he never had. It's about found family. Dalmi isn't meant to be his soulmate, she's meant to be family, just like the grandmum is like a mother figure to him. Jipyeong is meant to be loved, chosen and wanted as an older brother figure. I keep saying this, but you'll notice that's what the show has been showing, his advice only works when he's a mentor/ guidance to the group, it's like an older brother, he's meant to show them reality and berate them, but he's not meant to be the hero or the prince charming to Dalmi's rescue.

His advice works especially for Dalmi, who needs guidance on reality. But it's for a family relationship; he's been like an older brother to Dalmi for a long time, despite the fact that he was her fantasy Dosan on paper (Dosan is the manifestation of that), but as an older brother, he's protective, caring and looks out for her in the right way, he guides her and becomes another male figure in her life that is comfort and advice after her father died.

Jipyeong is meant to be a family member, that's why in the promo you see him finally getting his found family dream come true. He also said this was his dream/wish for his birthday he wanted a family to play go stop with; with Dalmi in his life, he's gotten a grandma, a mother figure (probably Dalmi's mum) and a sister (Dalmi). The fact that people don't see why this is what he was meant to be aiming for is funny to me.

It's not just to Dalmi he's meant to be destined for. Its Dosan, Dosan and him are destined to form a brother bond its why Fate pushed him to Dosan from the beginning, he was meant to guide and teach Dosan how to fulfil his destiny, but he let jealousy and pettiness prevent him from being a good mentor to Dosan, he looked down on him and refused Fates call to invest and trust in Dosan. It was a mistake, and he knew it this episode. Also, he had a found family with Samsan tech, he had three people who would have been friends to him if he didn't berate them and put them down in a disrespectful manner, even Yong San is there to teach Jipyeong to humble himself. But also its Dosan and his crew who help him achieve what he wanted the most to repay his debt to grandma; they make noongil, they use his AI to make noongil, for grandma. He was just too prideful to see it.

So Jipyeong is destined to become a good boy just like Grandma says he is like he's meant to grow to trust, and love and be chosen as a family member/ mentor. Its what he's been starved of for so long and where he's the most useful and needed.

JIPYEONG'S STORM: BEING SECOND LEAD AND FORCED TO SEE THAT HE'S WRONG ALL THE TIME AND SELFISH

Hence why his storm was exactly showing him all the ways, he failed though people didn't notice; it showed he was a horrible mentor because he didn't gain the trust and respect from his group, it showed he was an awful love interest because he was too focused on money and success to realise the girl he loved's grandma was going blind. He was against the source that was helping her, it showed he was always late, he was forced to be a second lead because Dosan has always been by her side helping and thinking of her first and foremost. Did he learn from his lesson?

Fate forces Jipyeong to become humble, selfless, and reflective. He still isn't even close to doing so, but also to understand the value of money and greed to not look on the surface

From the trailer it seems like he still doesn't get it, he's still trying to cross that line, maybe I'm a fool, but even after three years I'm sure Dalmi brother zoned him, we'll see, but I think he's still prideful and didn't get what Fate was doing when it gave him three years to spend time with his found family. He still has a long way to go, but I'm sure he'll grow, and I'm his final fulfilment for his destiny in being a good boy would be choosing selflessly to bring Dalmi to Dosan. Because I still think that's how Fate has been using him this whole time.

So these are the ways Fate pushed our characters to achieve their growth and become who they’re meant to be. In Jae also has her own story to tell but this was already too long and not connected to the love triangle. I’ll make her own post a review later on. But yeh I love this show, a lot of people like to call it useless, or failure to show its message, but this has always been an inpirational message about fulfilling your dreams and becoming the person you’re meant to be, how love helps that, but also how reality needs to happen for that as well. Life isn’t a bed of roses but we can always manifest and get our goals if we put enough effort and hard work into it. These characters all do that, and they all help each other grow. The love triangle may seem useless but it’s a learning point for all our character’s its a way for them to learn and change, and so I’m grateful for it. Just hopeful the writer doesn’t change her direction just because fangirls are threatning for her to make someone endgame who doesn’t deserve it. Okay that’s it. that’s the analysis for this week. Bye <3

#start up #tvn start up #start up kdrama #startup #kdrama net #kdrama #nam do san #seo dal mi #han ji pyeong #nam joo hyuk #bae suzy #november #cwg #fvete

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cle-guy · 3 years

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Projecting Story Elements for Magic: the Gathering in 2022

OK, I love the Magic: the Gathering storyline which ranks near the top on my list of favorite hobbies on Tumblr. This year brings numerous opportunities to speculate on the story elements for this year’s premier MTG sets! So for this post I am going to speculate on:

1. Potential story elements of the set

2. Specific events which may occur

3. Planeswalkers who may appear in the set

I will go set by set, and try to incorporate as much known knowledge as possible! I may update my thoughts as sets (and stories from released sets) become known as the year progresses. Without further ado!

Innistrad: Crimson Vow

Technically not in 2022, but coming soon none-the-less! We know lots about the story elements, considering Crimson Vow takes place directly after Midnight Hunt.

Story Elements:

The first known thing about Crimson Vow is the “Biggest vampire wedding in Innistrad history!” which will unite the Voldaren and Markov bloodlines. We also know from the story so far that night on Innistrad is overcoming day. Humans who once turned to Avacyn for safety increasingly look to other sources for protection, including ancient magics forgotten when Sorin created Avacyn. One Coven seeks to restore the balance, and needs the Moonsilver Key in the Celestus to perform the ritual.

We also know part of the Gatewatch: Teferi, Chandra and Kaya came to Innistrad to assist Arlinn Kord, who seeks to help restore the Day/Night balance on her home plane. Now, while Arlinn & the Gatewatch succeed in finding the Moonsilver Key, and also succeed in starting the ritual: I do not believe the ritual passes. I suspect Olivia Valdaren ends the ritual and blocks it based on the card: Olivia’s Midnight Ambush. The flavor text on this card reads:

"And you were almost finished with that ritual, weren't you, darling? How very rude of me. To make it up to you, I'll send you an invitation to my wedding."

I suspect her raid ends the ritual, kills the Coven leader, and spirals us into Crimson Vow.

Overall, this suggests that much of the plot of Crimson Vow will surround new attempts to restore the balance between Day and Night. I suspect Sorin Markov, who fights Sigarda in a rage, will unite with the Gatewatch (and Arlinn Kord, & Sigarda) to save the plane. How they do this is not revealed as of yet. However, I suspect one plot detail has been spoiled for the set and thats....

Specific Events:

Edgar Markov marries Olivia Valdaren.

Olivia is the known progenitor of the Voldaren line, as Edgar Markov is the known progenitor of the Markov line. At first I felt Sorin would marry Olivia, but I find this unlikely as Olivia despises Sorin (and refuses to save him at the end of Eldritch Moon). Sorin may care for the future of Innistrad but he remains hedonistic and petty; he spends the end of Episode 2 in this story line griping about how nobody sacrificed as much as he did for the plane and why should he be expected to give more? He also treats Nahiri quite shallowly when she arrives on Innistrad to demand he help her fix Zendikar.

More importantly, however, we also get card evidence that Edgar Markov is involved in this story, specifically: Fateful Absence. The flavor text for this card reads:

“Sensing a plot, Sorin raced to his grandfather's resting-crypt. But someone else had gotten there first.“

The plot going like this, I suspect, for the story:

A) Our heroes (the Gatewatch, Sigarda, Arlinn) regroup after Olivia invokes eternal night by defeating the ritual.

B) They join up with Sorin Markov, who is now angry at Olivia for convincing his grandfather to marry her, and hatch a plan to stop the wedding

C) Olivia marries Edgar

D) The wedding turns into a bloody mess as the Gatewatch, Arlinn, & Sigarda all try to reverse the damage. Sorin spends the story finding a way to get revenge.

E) One of Edgar or Olivia survives

F) Emrakul is released and everybody dies (Just kidding)

Anyway, with all of this laid out that leaves us with potential planeswalkers.

Planeswalker Appearances:

Each set I will assume only three planeswalkers appear, with speculation for a fourth & fifth.

We already know Arlinn Kord, Teferi, & Sorin Markov will get cards; Arlinn & Teferi will not get cards in this set since they appeared in Midnight Hunt. Sorin Markov appears on the packaging, which nearly guarantees his appearance as a card in this set.

Slot 1: Sorin Markov, WB

Now, Chandra Nalaar and Kaya both appear in the story. The next quesiton would be: do they get cards in the 2nd set since they are known to appear in the story? It’s a tough call. Chandra would fit in nicely since Sorin will almost certainly appear as a WB planeswalker granting a third color for balance purposes. Kaya, on the other hands, presents two problems. First, she shares her color identity with the story’s likely main character. Second, she already got a card recently in Kaldheim (which is still in Standard). I would guess she lacks a card in the set.

Slot 1: Sorin Markov, WB Slot 2: Chandra Nalaar, R

Now we’re into more speculative territory. I highly doubt we only get two planeswalkers in the set, which leaves open a spot for a new planeswalker (likely a blue planeswalker). That being said, I would not be surprised if Tamiyo makes an appearance in the 3rd slot; she appeared in both previous stops in Innistrad, and two of her colors would fill out the color balancing in the set so far.

Slot 1: Sorin Markov, WB Slot 2: Chandra Nalaar, R Slot 3: Tamiyo, U

Other potential planeswalkers include the aforementioned Kaya, Tibalt (who would love to spoil a wedding), & Davirel Cane. If I had to make a stab at a fourth walker I’d gamble and guess Davriel, with a final list of:

Slot 1: Sorin Markov, WB Slot 2: Chandra Nalaar, R Slot 3: Tamiyo, U Slot 4: Davriel Cane, B

Kamigawa: Neon Dynasty

Story Elements:

So little is known about the new set except that the set takes place concurrently in the present, and that the set will feature both a new planeswalker, Keito, and that the current Emperor of Kamigawa is “someone we’re familiar with” which sadly does not tell us much. Let’s start by considering some known characters from the original block:

Toshiro Umezawa. Toshi is definitely not the emperor. First, Toshi was sent to Dominaria by the Myojin of Night’s Reach at the end of the block (and his descendent will eventually kill Nicol Bolas). Second, he’d almost assuredly be dead by now.

Hidetsugu. An ogre who joined with the Oni of All Consuming Chaos, he could conceivably be alive at this point, although he would not be my guess.

The Myojin of Night’s Reach. Unlikely. While powerful enough, ambitious enough, to try: I just do not see her being able to take the power. She was defeated by Bolas sometime after the events of the original block, for instance.

The Sisters of Flesh & Spirit. Better known as “That Which was Taken” and “Michiko Konda” both characters join at the end of the 3rd book. They’re the most likely candidate to run the whole plane, the only downside is I doubt many players actually know who they are, or how they became one.

However, their union would potentially explain the futuristic nature of the plane. If the Emperor is both spirit and flesh, then the spirit world (Kakuriyuo) & physical world (Utsushiyo) may have joined as well, giving the plane its current futuristic (dare I say: neon) appearance.

Specific Events:

I will only predict one event in this set, and that’s the appearance from Tamiyo’s story circle. I would be shocked if this relatively well known gathering is not referenced in the set. It would be a surprise, to say the least.

Planeswalker Appearances:

First thing’s first: Keito is confirmed for the set. We do not know what color identity he has yet, but they did call Keito a “cyber ninja” in the video. Ninjas are a pretty evenly split tribe between blue and black, so I will call Keito a UB planeswalker for now:

Slot 1: Keito, UB

I cannot imagine them returning to Kamigawa without bringing back Tamiyo. I know she literally is predicted to appear in Innistrad: Crimson Vow but I think predicting her here is also plausible.

Slot 1: Keito, UB Slot 2: Tamiyo, U

Next, they also mentioned that a “mysterious planeswalker” would make an appearance in this set as well. Now, they did not say whether this planeswalker was a new planeswalker or a returning planeswalker. Some planeswalkers we know of who I would classify as mysterious include: Kasmina, The Raven Man, The Wanderer, Davriel Cane, Ashiok, & Aminatou. Ashiok is currently investigating New Phyrexia and shares my predicted colors with Keito; Davriel (I think) is a strange fit on this set, and I do not see us learning about the Raven Man absent Liliana. That leaves the Wanderer, Aminatou, or Kasmina. We did just see Kasmina and I do suspect she plays a role in whatever arc they are building up to, but she conflicts with Keito & Tamiyo. That leaves the Wanderer or Aminatou. Given Mark Rosewater’s doubts about Aminatou (and her own conflicts) I predict The Wanderer.

Slot 1: Keito, UB Slot 2: Tamiyo, U Slot 3: The Wanderer, W

That does leave room for a walker with red and green. Samut fits in, but I will guess Sarkhan who originally appeared Gruul, and may visit with Narset.

Slot 1: Keito, UB Slot 2: Tamiyo, U Slot 3: The Wanderer, W Slot 4: Sarkhan Vol, RG

Streets of New Capenna

Planeswalker Appearances:

So little is known about this new plane that I will limit myself to guessing planeswalkers. Ob Nixilis is confirmed, and this is a wedge set, so I am predicting they finally print Nixilis as a Rakdos planeswalker.

Slot 1: Ob Nixilis, BR

They also confirmed this plane is “special” to Elspeth. You do not name drop that and not include her.

Slot 1: Ob Nixilis, BR Slot 2: Elspeth, W

OK. As far as I know: Ajani has not reunited with Elspeth yet, which suggests to me that there is room for a reunion in this set.

Slot 1: Ob Nixilis, BR Slot 2: Elspeth, W Slot 3: Ajani Goldmane, WG

Calix would be my second choice, same colors, since he is currently chasing her. If there is one other potential walker I would guess a new walker. I honestly do not see what other walker would fit here, especially with Nixilis taking up the BR space in this scenario.

Dominaria United

Specific Events:

If you read the first story from Midnight Hunt you know that Teferi helped Wrenn find her seventh tree to bond with, and that Wrenn offered to help Teferi repair the damage his spell phasing out Zhalfir from Dominaria did to both his home and his plane. Given the name I predict Teferi works with Wrenn to restore Dominaria to its full state.

I also predict that Teferi, Karn, & Ajani all work together to plan out the destruction of New Phyrexia (with an eventual showdown sometime in 2023).

Planeswalker Appearances:

I think Dominaria United will act like a traditional core set. So, with that being said, I think the following walkers appear:

Slot 1: Teferi, U Slot 2: Wrenn, G

As said above, I think a big part of the story line is Teferi bringing Zhalfir back to Dominaria. That requires both Wrenn and Teferi, and since this is a core set both will get only a single color.

Slot 1: Teferi, U Slot 2: Wrenn, G Slot 3: Ajani, W

Ajani will return helping Teferi and Karn plan the destruction of New Phyrexia. Since Ajani is base white its a good fit. There are plenty of mono red planeswalkers but only two which make story sense. The first is Koth, but since I doubt he leaves New Phyrexia I do not think he makes an appearance. My guess is Jaya Ballard, a native Dominarian, will show up in the fourth spot instead.

Slot 1: Teferi, U Slot 2: Wrenn, G Slot 3: Ajani, W Slot 4: Jaya Ballard, R

The 5th spot is the one I am not sure of; if Wizards wanted to tell a largely Dominarian story they would bring back Liliana Vess, but I do not think she quite makes sense for this story as she is in hiding and as far as I know her appearance would not sit well with Teferi and Ajani (Gatewatch members). I will toss out three possibilities: 1) Sorin Markov (guessing Teferi recruits him to protect Innistrad against an inter-planar threat), 2) Davriel Cane, or 3) Karn (and go colorless). They could also just include Karn as a 6th walker like Core Set 2021. For now, I will assume Karn as the 5th walker.

Slot 1: Teferi, U Slot 2: Wrenn, G Slot 3: Ajani, W Slot 4: Jaya Ballard, R Slot 5: Karn, C

The Brothers War

This set does not require speculation since the story has already been told. I would highly recommend reading the book. The only thing I will say for certain is: Urza finally gets a real planeswalker card.

#magic the gathering #kamigawa #streets of new capenna #dominaria united #innistrad #crimson vow

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yee-fxcking-haw · 4 years

Text

Do Your Worst

A/N: This is literally 8,640 words of self indulgent smut. Just want the Winter Soldier to beat the shit outta me, ya know? As far as tagging I just tagged whoever liked the post I made about finishing this chapter, if I missed you or you want added/removed just let me know!❤️

Warnings: Violence, bloodplay if you squint, knifeplay if you squint, choking, hitting, degredation, rough sex, violent sex, name calling, I think that's all of them??

Summary: Your purpose is to fight, to be used as a weapon. During a training session at the Red Room facility, you come face to face with the ominous man they call "The Weapon." Unexpected tension is developed during your match, that is later unleashed when you learn what the Winter Soldier's true mission is... To train you to be a weapon just like him.

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You kneel on all fours, your own blood and sweat dripping onto the floor in front of you. You don't even know where all the blood is coming from at this point. This fight has been going on for who knows how long. Your muscles scream and you feel your bones are begging you to surrender. You take in a deep shuddering breath when you see your opponent's large black boots shuffle out of your peripheral vision. You jump to your feet with all the coordination of a drunken grizzly. You glance quickly at the other girls watching your match, all of their faces blank while they observe you getting your ass handed to you. They sit in a sea of grey uniforms, everyone's hair all braided back the same way. The room you're in is set up like a small gymnasium, seats set up in rows on the sides with a large sparring area in the center. The design makes it easy for everyone in the room to see every detail of your pathetic attempt to fight off your enemy.

This is your first fight with the man they call "The Weapon" and he's kicking your ass. In your many years at the Red Room training facility, you've fought plenty of men and women here, beating most of them rather quickly. You were sent here very young after your incredible ability to heal rapidly was discovered. Basically, you're really good at taking a beating, making you nearly impossible to best in combat. You don't remember your life before your time here, not even your own parents. Your purpose is to fight, so that's all you remember doing. That's what brings you here, fighting the Winter Soldier.

You look back to him to see he's already coming at you again. A blur of black and silver, the only distinguishable feature are his furious blue eyes that peak out above a black mouth covering. You scan his body, looking for any sign of weakness, willing there to be one with every cell in your body. His stance is too wide, he's stalking towards you now as if he's almost frustrated. Your body reacts to the opening before your mind tells it to. Once he's about two feet from you, you launch forward into a somersault. Your torso lands between his legs, you quickly let your legs fly up, hooking the backs of your knees around the tops of his thighs. Using every ounce of strength you have left you push your torso off the ground to bring him slamming down with a thunderous thump.

You press your hips into his, then you throw your torso forward so you can straddle him. His left hand comes up to grasp your throat and your chest seizes up with fear. Your hands fly to his wrist, gripping the cold metal as if it will somehow get him to release. This is why they call him "The Weapon". His left arm is made entirely of metal, built exactly like a regular human arm, but it possesses superhuman strength and dexterity. The metal plates pinch the skin of your throat, causing you to panic slightly. No, you can't fucking panic, that's what they're watching for.

Your right hand flies to your thigh, quickly unclipping your knife from it's holster. He's too focused on squeezing the life out of you to notice your actions. Just as you start to see white stars dance in your vision you bring the knife to his throat. His grip on you loosens slightly, anger dancing in his piercing eyes. You see his right hand move to grab the knife, but you bring your foot up to trap his wrist under your boot, thankful for your flexibility. You press the blade against his throat.

"Yield." You choke out.

His eyes go wild, pieces of unkempt brown hair falling over his forehead and shoulders, adding to his feral appearance. His metal hand tightens around your throat again, he's challenging you. You sneer at him then apply more pressure with your knife, seeing his skin split slightly, a small trickle of blood seeps out onto your blade. Unfortunately, he seems completely unbothered by the action. There's no victory from this position, you have to find another way. You hike your right foot up then plant it on his chest, earning a deep grunt from him. You throw your body over his, freeing yourself from his grip, keeping your knife on his throat the whole time.

You quickly throw your legs over his shoulders so you can straddle his chest this time, your feet hook into his armpits as your knees cage his head. You flip your knife in your hand to bring the point down against his jugular. His hands fly to your thighs as you use them to grip the sides of his throat. His fingers dig into your skin, the pain of his fingertips bruising you only fuels you now. You feel his flesh hand leave your thigh, you read him like a book and beat him to his next move. Your free hand flies back and rips his own knife away from it's home on his thigh. You bring the knife up and throw it into the wall across from you, it sinks into the wood with a satisfying sound.

With a roar he uses his metal arm to push off the mat, flipping you both over so your back is pressed against the ground. He has your right leg hooked over his shoulder, metal hand around your throat again. You have somehow managed to keep your knife against his throat, holding onto it like it's your lifeline. You try to move your left leg to kick, then realize he's got you pinned. His hips are pressing harshly between your legs, in another context the position would look positively erotic. You hate yourself for the way the heat spreads through your body when he presses into you further. He only makes it worse by bringing his right arm up to yank your braids from the roots. You let out a cry, cursing yourself for how wantan the noise sounds. You look into his eyes, letting your knife push into his throat further.

You're both trembling with rage, furious with each other for not yielding. There's blood slowly pulsing out of his throat while your vision goes blurry, but neither of you are willing to admit defeat. A drop of blood falls from the handle of your knife to land on your lips. His eyes snap to your mouth, suddenly transfixed. That's it. That's the weakness you've been waiting for. You lick your lips slowly, welcoming the metallic taste. His eyebrows pinch together and he lets out a trembling breath, his eyes snap back to yours then and you feel something pulse against your center.

"Horny bastard." You whisper, so quiet only he can hear it.

His eyebrows furrow and his eyes light up with blind rage. His metal hand squeezes around your throat with malice, causing you to gasp and sputter. This is your window, don't fuck it up. His torso presses against the leg he has hooked on his shoulder, bringing the top of your thigh flush against your chest.

Perfect.

You bring your other leg up, plant your foot on the ground and kick off. With him practically laying on top of you, he isn't well grounded enough to fight off the leverage you have. You use the leg on his shoulder to twist his torso so that his back is pressed against the mat once again. You quickly scramble up his body and twist yourself rapidly, then throw your legs over his shoulders to trap his head between your thighs again. The back of his head is pressed hard against your core, you ignore the friction and the proximity of his mouth to your inner thighs. He's the horny bastard, not you. You suck air into your lungs, desperate for the oxygen to fill you again. Your legs are pressed against his torso, pinning him against the ground. If he rolls he'll only smother himself against the ground, and in the position he can't gain enough leverage to lift you off the ground.

You sit up, letting your thighs squeeze his throat even more, his silvery eyes are strained as he looks up at you. His hands are gripping at your thighs again, you feel his metal fingertips break your skin, but you pay no mind. You just bring your knife up to his face, in one swift movement you cut off his mask, exposing a pair of full lips and a sharp jaw line. You're shocked by how handsome he is, but you quickly shove the thought out of your mind. This is no time for any sort of admiration. You flip you knife around then bring the tip up to the soft spot under his chin, letting it puncture the skin slightly.

"Yield." You repeat harshly, voice hoarse from all the choking.

He glares at you with hate and disdain, obviously desperate to end your life. That's the one thing he can't do though. During these spars you are given one rule, you are not to kill your opponent. You can beat them within an inch of their life, but you cannot take it.

His flesh hand loosens on your thigh, and then he gives you three harsh pats. Signifying that he has admitted defeat. Neither of you moves an inch, eyes still locked. You're trapped by adrenaline and the carnal need to survive, both full of feral bloodlust. Your body will not release his until an instructor tells you to do so. You're both locked in place by each other, bodies trembling, covered in each other's and your own blood and sweat. His face settles back into his usual blank stare, but his eyes are clouded slightly, lips still quivering. For a moment he looks like he did when his blood trickled from his throat to your mouth, he looks starved, desperate, animalistic.

Sickening attraction shoots through your veins. Images of his hard body working against yours fill your mind, you can't help but wonder how brutal he would be in the bedroom. His body is designed to destroy others, you're filled with a dark and shameful desire to let him destroy your body however he pleases. It's just the adrenaline, that's the only reason your core pulses when you see that look in his eyes. At least, that's what you tell yourself.

"Release." A woman's harsh voice echoes behind you.

Slowly, like two machines being turned off, your bodies loosen their holds on each other. He slides out from between your thighs, using his hands to push you off like you're some hideous garment he can't wait to rid himself of. You slowly stand up, every part of your body crying out in pain as you do. You place your knife back in its holster. Despite the burn in your shoulders, you bring your hands back to hold each other behind your back, then turn stiffly to face your instructor.

She's a terrifying old woman, muscular and rigid. She keeps her silver hair in an immaculate bun. Her wrinkled face always pulled taught in a harsh grimace. She always looks like she's ready to sentence someone to death, which for all you know, might be true. She sits in her chair with one long leg crossed over the other, she's seated at a solitary stool that's placed in front of the rows of other girls. You don't know her name, and you never will. You have been instructed to refer to her as "Madame Widow".

"Ready for assessment, Madame Widow." You say, trying to keep your damaged voice as monotone as possible.

"And you, Soldier?" She asks your opponent pointedly.

He's standing beside you, a rigid mountain imposing fear on every young woman in the room. Every young woman except you, that is. You got him to yield. You push the pride deep down, it's not an emotion you're permitted to feel.

"Ready for assessment." He states. He doesn't need to refer to her as Madame Widow, since he's not a pupil of hers. He's simply a weapon used to make you and every girl here a formidable opponent for any enemy.

"Soldier, you were strong at the beginning." She starts, you feel his energy shift at her words. Shoulders drawing up as he takes a deep, tense breath.

"You had me convinced it would be a quick and easy victory. You had an opportunity to strangle her within the first thirty seconds but you missed it. This gave her all the information she needed about your fighting style." She glances down at her notepad, her stiletto shaped nails thrum against the paper.

"Then of course, you had her pinned, but you were… distracted." Her voice is dripping condescension.

Your heart falls to the floor, she knew. Of course she knew, it's her job to know. You quickly settle yourself. She will see it as a victory on your part, a weakness is a weakness. You have even been taught that as a woman, when you face a male opponent, their greatest weakness will always be their physical desire for you. You had harnessed that in the fight and used it to acquire a victory.

"Your distraction cost you the match, Soldier. Naturally, she spotted your desire for her immediately and used it to gain the leverage she needed to get you to admit defeat." She says, her tone cold and calculating.

You hear the metal plates of his arm scrape together and assume his balling up his hand into a fist. You don't dare look over, you're not allowed to look away from your instructor when she's addressing you. You want to see him though, you want to see the blood painting his thick neck where your knife pierced his skin, you want to see him ripping you apart with his eyes in all of their animalistic rage. The thought makes your chest burn with a dreadful desire, a desire that you know you have to kill.

"You." She says harshly. She angles her head back slightly so she can look down her nose at you.

"At the start, your fighting was pitiful. You were flustered, panicked, and emotional. You must never show that to an opponent, no matter how outmatched you may be." She chastises you, disgust evident in her voice.

"However, despite your haphazard style, you were terribly clever. Even when you were losing consciousness you kept your wits about you. You used leverage instead of strength to make your opponent submit more than once. Your ability to manipulate his desire for you was exemplary, and should be incorporated into your sparring more often." She closes her notepad with a harsh snap, straightens her jacket as she stands up with impeccable posture then strides to the front of the room.

"You two, clean yourselves at the medical station, the rest of you are dismissed." She says curtly, then exits the room, letting the heavy wooden door slam behind her. The girls all move hastily with their heads down, gathering their belongings silently, one by one ducking out of the room not daring to look at you or the Soldier beside you.

You turn slowly to limp towards the medical station at the other side of the room. It's required that you tend to any wounds inflicted upon you by yourself. It's supposed to teach you to be self-sufficient in the field, since most of your missions will be done as solo operations.

Once all the girls are gone, you place your hands on either side of the sink then slowly lift your hand to turn the faucet on, but before you can reach it your wrist is seized by a harsh metal grasp. Before you can react, he's got you twisted around, back pressed into the wall beside the sink. He bars you against the wall with his mechanical arm, he presses his mechanical forearm into your chest and you can't help but let out a whimper. He lets out a ragged breath through his nose, you look up into his eyes and your blood freezes. His eyes are an inferno of pure fury. His dark brows are pinched together, his upper lip is pulled up slightly exposing teeth smeared with blood. He has the appearance of a wolf that just got caught tearing out the throat of his prey.

"You listen to me." He snarls, his voice trembling.

You can't stop yourself from glancing down at his neck, desperate to see where you wounded him. You're always so morbidly curious about the damage you inflict on others, you hate yourself for it, but you can't get enough of making others bleed. He snaps you out of your trance by practically growling at you.

"You pathetic bitch. You're too thirsty for blood to even pay attention to the danger you're in." He spits, bringing his knife up to your throat with his other hand. You let your head fall back, without the prying eyes of your instructor and the other girls you can welcome the sharp metal against your skin. You let the veil slip while you revel in the sharp kiss against the soft skin of your throat. That familiar taboo longing fills your chest. You can only guess that he shares your same twisted desires. After the way he reacted to you tasting his blood, you're relatively confident he does.

You look up at him through your lashes, letting your mouth twist into a teasing smirk.

"Do it, I fucking want it." You spit the words at him, challenging him with your lewd implications.

He glares at you with furious eyes, then he lets a shaking breath fall from his lips.

"You're disgusting." He says with venom. Almost as soon as he's insulted you, he's released you. He turns and stalks towards the exit of the door, broad shoulders swaying in a menacing way as he does. Your hand slides up to feel where his knife had been pressed against your throat, already missing the exhilarating sting. Longing takes over your body and you try to shake it off, identifying it as a weakness immediately. He can want you, because you can use that against him. If you want him though, you're weak and vulnerable.

You shake your head and rip your hand away from your throat. You have to kill these feelings, you are not allowed to have such a weakness. There's no room for it, it will only cost you dearly in the end. You spin slowly to face the medical station once again, placing your hands back on the sides of the sink. You're shaking like a damn leaf.

A timid glance at your reflection shows that you're much more beat up than you thought. Your lip is split and caked in blood, your left cheekbone has an angry welt growing on it, and your neck looks like it's been through a meat grinder. Deep purple bruises are already blooming over the skin, the places where his fingers dug in have small patches of blood peaking through the skin. Your heart flutters at the way he's marked you, but it's short lived. The feeling is stuffed deep down inside you, forced to join any other weaknesses he might bring out of you.

"Fuckin' hell." You huff to yourself.

None of your wounds are big enough for any bandages, so you'll have to just clean them and let them be. Your overused muscles are producing most of the pain, you'll just have to stretch and rest well tonight. Thanks to your freakish ability to heal, you'll be back to normal by morning. You turn the cold water on so you can give your face an icey splash. The sensation clears your mind slightly and you realize just how much trouble you're in.

The Winter Soldier is only here temporarily, his mission is to train you and the other girls here then leave. In the few weeks that he's been here you've only seen him for brief moments, stalking around the facility like a ghost. He's an assassin, a weapon, nothing more. He's especially not supposed to be such a source of desire for somebody like you. You have a job to do, and it in no way includes wanting him to fuck your brains out. You blame it on the adrenaline, on natural physical responses. Any woman would be aroused by a man like that pressing himself between their legs. You're not any woman though, you're supposed to be a cold blooded assassin, you're supposed to be a vengeful weapon. You are not meant to have weaknesses like normal women. Your weaknesses aren't those of a normal woman though. Yours are much more sinister...

That Night

You toss around on your small bed, desperate for sleep that won't come. You skipped dinner and went straight to your room, wanting to avoid everyone, especially him. The longer the day has gone on, the more the soldier is creeping under your skin. The longer you have to reflect on your encounter, the longer the desire you felt wraps its skeletal fingers around your heart. Of all of the fights you've had, you've never been so evenly matched. Yes, you technically beat him, but you hate how close he got to beating you. You don't really have wit like the other girls, or a distracting amount of beauty, but you can fight. You have been the best in hand to hand combat for years and you absolutely hate that somebody came close to taking that title. You haven't lost a fight since you were a child.

You try to find comfort in the fact that he is a genetically engineered super soldier with a hunk of metal for an arm. You can't beat yourself up for having to fight as hard as you did, you could even find a little pride in it if you wanted to. The thing that you can't seem to escape is the heat that pools between your legs when you think about his metal hand around your throat, the sharp taste of his blood, the way he crushed your chest when he pushed you against the wall. He could have killed you so easily, he had his knife right there. With one swift flick of his powerful wrist he could have slit your throat and left you to die. The thought is positively exhilarating in the most horrible way. Your body erupts in goosebumps as you remember the way his rigid form trembled with rage. Your thighs press together when you think about him hovering above you, drenched in sweat as he bled into your mouth.

You're not going to fucking sleep. You huff and throw your blankets off, angrily turning on your light. Your pathetic little room has no comforting elements, it just looks like a shitty hotel room. No decorations, just one generic landscape painting on the wall. Your only furniture is your bed, your night stand, and a small rickety dresser for your uniforms. All of it is a plain dark wood, the walls a bland grey much like your blankets and everything else in your life. The style of the room is intentionally designed to look like a hotel room, it's a psychological thing. The intent is to take away any feeling of a home, you're supposed to live on the move, never settle, and never feel safe.

You quickly change out of your night clothes and throw on a clean uniform, a tight grey shirt with matching cargo pants. A glance at your watch tells you it's a little after midnight. You snatch your knife off the table and examine the blade. The metal is the same black as the handle, it's lines are sleek and deadly. Your eye is caught by a small amount of blood that remains on the edge of the blade. You wipe it on your pants, ignoring the irritating shiver that goes down your spine at the thought of making him bleed. You shove the knife into its holster then turn to check yourself in the pitiful mirror above your dresser.

Your body has already begun to recover, your bruises fading as if they're weeks old. Your busted lip is hardly noticeable and your muscles are no longer screaming. There's no longer a welt on your cheek and you look like you've had at least ten hours of restful sleep. As much as you detest your healing abilities for ruining any chance you've ever had at living a normal life, it is incredibly convenient. You had been ripped from your family because of it, never even given a chance to develop a bond to know or miss the individuals that gave you life. You suppose it's easier like this though. If you had known them, you'd be susceptible to the pain of living without them. Instead you're filled with rage towards those who stole you from them. You can't afford to feel the weight of mourning, you don't have time for it. Instead you're propelled forward by anger and hatred, mostly for yourself, but also for those that have forced you to live your life as a tool for their own purposes here at this God forsaken Red Room facility.

You tear yourself from the destructive train of thought as you turn to stalk out of your room. You close your door silently so you don't disturb the other girls on your hall. You chew the inside of your lip as you move down the halls of the barracks. The awful lighting casts a sickening yellow glow on the slate colored walls lined with plain white doors. You finally reach a large steel door at the end of the hall on the right. It has a poorly painted red mark on the door in the shape of a knife. You slide into the room quietly and let your shoulders drop once you're inside and hear the door close behind you. Of course it's empty at this hour, meaning you can release all of your rage without any judgement.

The knife room, set up much like an indoor shooting range. Every assassin here is trained in close hand to hand combat, making knife handling an essential skill. You stomp into one of the stalls, desperate to relieve your frustrations. You roll your shoulders back and draw in a shaking breath. You wind your arm back and throw the knife at the human shaped target across from you, imagining it's that bastard the Winter Soldier. The handle of the knife pings off the it's thigh then clatters onto the ground, the sight fills you with burning self hatred. You let out a frustrated groan then take off to pick up your knife. You hear something shift in the corner and immediately dive for your knife, quickly returning to your feet to turn towards the noise.

"You're too angry." Says a cold, deep voice.

The owner of the voice steps out of the dark corner he's been hiding in. Of course it's him.

You roll your eyes then walk back to your station.

"I wonder why that is." You say, you try to still your racing heart as you hear his heavy footsteps moving towards you.

"It makes you sloppy." You whip your head to face him where he's now stood behind you. His massive arms are crossed over each other, and you notice that he's wearing the same thing he wore at the fight. A strappy leather vest with heavy black pants to match and thick leather boots to tie it all together. Without his black mask to cover his mouth, his handsome features are on display. Except his beauty is shrouded by a scowl that makes his feature dark and menacing. Over all, he looks terrifying. His eyes are nearly the same cold silver as his arm. Your chest burns as his frozen gaze pierces through you, you pull your bottom lip between your teeth and let a huff out through your nose.

"I didn't ask." You say, trying your best to sound disinterested.

In one beautiful, fluid motion he pulls his knife out and sends it flying at the target. The knife lands right in the throat of the man shaped target, the sound of the impact echoes gently off the walls.

"My mission is to improve your skills, so I don't need you to ask. I'm telling you something, so you should listen." He says, sauntering over to retrieve his weapon. His tone is that of an overworked teacher that's been reprimanding his student for making the same mistake over and over.

"Your mission is to improve everyone's skills, so I don't understand why you're-"

"Are you really that stupid?" He cuts you off, visibly irritated by your statement. He comes to stand directly across from you, not even a foot apart, much too close for your liking.

"I would have killed every one of those girls within the first five seconds of a match. There's a reason you were fighting me and not them. You have a weapon that none of them have, you are a weapon. My mission is to improve your skills. Your mutation makes you unique, it makes you valuable, they have asked me to train you." He says it slowly, like he's talking to someone hard of hearing. His patronization makes your blood boil and your fists clench.

"There are plenty of girls here that could have held their own in that fight. Yeah, I can take a beating more than any of them, but they can all fight like hell no different than me." You say, your voice sharp.

"You really are stupid, aren't you?" He sneers down at you.

"You just said it yourself, you can take a beating. Yes, your fighting skills are questionable at best, but you can out fight anyone if you can exhaust them." He explains it like you're a stupid child, which only makes your rage burn hotter.

"Is that what happened with you?" You ask, poking at his defeat earlier.

He chuckles, his voice low and dark.

"Oh no." He says, moving even closer to you. You can feel his hot breath on your cheeks, the sensation makes your head swim.

"You just found a weakness, well done by the way. Except in doing so, you exposed your own weakness." His voice is absolutely sinful by the end of his sentence. You're so distracted by his seductive tone that you don't even notice his right arm reach up behind you, he grabs your hair by the roots and cranks your neck back, exposing your throat to him.

Normally, you would fight back, but you don't want to, you can't. You let out a pathetic little noise, making him let out another deep chuckle.

"You're pitiful." He says it almost affectionately, the gravely tone of his voice makes your legs turn to jelly.

"I could kill you right now, but you're not even afraid, you're probably getting wet thinking about my knife against your throat." He's growling again, like he did after the fight. You hate how right he is, your core is igniting with heat. You don't even want to think about how you must be absolutely soaking your underwear.

"What about you soldier, I think I remember you gettin' all hot and bothered when you finally got me underneath you." You tease, his advances give you the confidence to bring your hand up to ghost your fingers along the inside of his thigh.

He laughs in disbelief, eyebrows shooting up as his lips twist into a wolfish grin.

"Where the hell did they find you?" He says it like he's thinking out loud.

All you can do is moan pitifully when he tightens his grip on your hair, you look up at him and let your hands fly to his chest. His eyes have that animalistic look to them, like he wants to literally rip you to shreds. Your walls flutter at the idea and you take in a sharp breath, so desperate for him to drop the teasing act and just have his way with you.

"So fuckin' needy." He says as he lets his eyes flicker to your parted lips.

You let your own eyes drop to his throat, your mouth waters at the site of the large red line that your knife created. You did that, you marked him. The thought makes your stomach flip, darkness fills your chest and spurs on your twisted desires. You absentmindedly lick your lips at the sight, an action that he obviously catches.

"I knew it." He sighs out, his metal hand slides around to spank you harshly, his eyes still burning into yours. You moan against your will and let your nails dig into his vest. The impact of the metal makes your skin sting in a delightful way, and you only want more, so much more.

"You're a blood thirsty slut." He punctuates his words with another harsh swat, "-and you can take a hit." His voice is starting to sound shakey, like he's holding something back.

"Beg for me." He gives you another harsh swat.

You seal your lips. You can't beg for him, this isn't supposed to happen. You refuse to let this asshole create any weakness within you. This has to be a test, if he's truly supposed to train you, this has to be some sick experiment to see if you're as depraved as he thinks you are. He can't win, you didn't give him a victory earlier and you sure as hell won't give him one now. You rip your eyes away from him and glare at the floor, you take a trembling breath and force yourself to deny him.

"No." Your voice is a pathetic whisper, small and meek.

"Wrong answer bitch." He snaps with a menacing tone. He forces your body back, walking you into the wall behind you. He presses your body against it then moves his right thigh to spread your legs so you're straddling his thick, muscular leg. His right hand is still holding fast to your hair, but his left is starting to slowly trail up your side. He lets it trace over your breast before ghosting over your collar bone. Your eyes lock with his as soon as his cold metal fingers snake around your throat. Your breath completely stops, your body frozen under his ravenous gaze. You instantly buckle under the weight of your desire for him to destroy you. The dam finally breaks and you drown in the waves of lust, all it takes is one firm squeeze from his inhuman appendage and you're a goner.

"Fuck- please, please fucking use me." You gasp as he tightens his grip on your throat, you grind down against his thigh again, desperate for any form of friction against your aching center.

"You've got a filthy little mouth on you." He says, finally releasing your hair.

"Let's give it something to do." He brings his middle finger up to your lips as he relaxes his hold on your throat, you open your mouth instantly to welcome his thick finger inside.

"Suck, darlin'." His eyebrows furrow slightly when you slide your tongue over the pad of his finger, sucking him further into your mouth. This can't be happening, you can't let yourself be this weak.

He quickly pulls his hand out then cups your cheek, placing his thumb under your chin so he can angle your face up towards him.

"Will you be a good girl for me?" He asks, raising his eyebrows in a challenging way, the question makes you shiver and your mind is flooded with images of him defiling you. Ok, maybe you can be this weak.

You nod slowly, you feel adrenaline pump through your veins. Your heart is thundering in your chest and your cunt is absolutely aching with need.

"Use your words." He says harshly, "-you know what I want to hear."

"Yes sir." You breathe out as he slides his cold metal hand around your throat again. You sigh at the sensation and let your eyes flutter shut.

"Now, what do you need." He asks, sliding his thumb over your pulse.

"I need you to use me." You let your voice drop to a raspy tone as you repeat your request from moments ago, you open your eyes to see an almost disturbing look in his.

His fingers tighten around your throat and he pulls you closer to him until his lips brush against yours, the feeling makes your chest burn.

"Get on your back, you should be good at that." He huffs against your lips then rips himself away from you. He pulls you off of the wall by your throat and pushes you back into the middle of the room. You drop to your knees like it's second nature, you reach out to run your hands up his strong thighs and you steal a glance at the massive bulge in his pants.

"You don't fucking listen." He growls, he hikes his large right leg up and plants his boot in the middle of your chest, he sneers down at you while he kicks you back with force. You catch yourself on your elbows and look up at him helplessly. He sinks down to his knees so he's somewhat straddling you, but mostly caging you with his body. He grabs your jaw with his right hand, forcing you to look him in the eyes.

"When I tell you to do something, you do that thing exactly or I will make you sorry you didn't fucking listen." He spits the words at you, eyes ablaze with fury.

"What if that's what I want?" You ask, testing the waters for how much patience he has for your attitude.

His grip tightens on your jaw, inevitably leaving bruises now.

"You want me to hurt you?" He glares down at you while he talks, he looks angry enough to snap your neck, but the lust raging in his eyes reveals his true desires.

"Do your worst." You fire back at him.

Then he's on you, lunging at you like a wild beast. He's pushing you into the ground by your throat, he wedges himself between your legs, pressing his hard length into your center.

"Sweetheart, my worst would kill you." He groans into your ear. His words pull another moan out of you, your hands claw at his back when he grinds down against you rather roughly.

"Hands and knees, now." He says then pushes off of you to kneel between your legs. A flame of defiance ignites inside you, it spreads and burns all of your common sense.

"Fucking make me." You say, the idea of him forcing you to your hands and knees sends a rush of exhilaration through you. Your moment of thrilling defiance is cut short by the feeling of the back of his right hand cracking across your face. Your head jerks to the side as his hand connects with your jaw. You let out an indignant cry, too shocked to do anything else. As soon as he's smacked you, his hand is latched back onto your jaw, he jerks your face towards him, forcing you to scramble to your knees while your hands cling to his wrist.

"You think you're cute, don't you?" You can feel him shaking with rage as he holds you in place. The sharp pain from his knuckles hitting your face makes your cunt clench, you have to be absolutely dripping at this point. Your entire core is throbbing, desperate to be filled by him.

"Answer me." He barks.

"I think -oh shit." You're cut short by the feeling of him running two metal fingers rubbing your clit through your pants. Your body responds instantly to his rough touch, hips bucking against his hand.

"What do you think?" He teases, pulling his fingers aware from where you need them most.

"I think you're doing too much talking, not enough fucking." You snap.

That does it, that pushes his last button. It all happens far too quickly for you to even process everything he does. You feel a sharp pain under your arms, then feel your back hit the hard cement wall. He rips your pants down your legs, bringing himself to his knees so he can rip each of your feet out of the pant legs. You're completely exposed to him now, the cold air hits your pussy and you shiver at the pleasant shock. You glance down at him as he slowly slides the knuckles of his right hand up the inside of your right leg. His cold eyes follow his hand's movement all the way up to where you're desperate for him.

He uses his knuckles to tease your clit, earning a hiss from you. The sound seems to snap him out of his lustful trance, his body shoots up to loom over you. He glares down at you as his hands move to undo his belt. Your mouth waters at the sight, eager to finally see him exposed.

"I'm gonna fuck you." He breathes, pulling his belt from the loops of his pants.

"I'm gonna fuck you like the whore you are, and it's gonna hurt. You're gonna keep that fucking mouth shut, you're gonna take it like a good girl, and you're not going to cum until I say so, do you understand?" He unbuttons his pants, pulls his zipper down, then he pulls out his painfully hard cock. His tip is already dripping with precum, you reach out to touch him, wanting to feel all that girth in your hand. To say he's well endowed would be an understatement, the soldier is fucking massive.

He snatches your wrist and throws it to the side.

"Do. You. Understand?" He says, his voice is strained and impatient.

"Yes sir, I understand." You say weakly, even you're growing tired of the teasing. You're so fucking desperate at this point you don't even have the energy to quip back at him. You're completely pliant now, nothing but putty in his rough and capable hands.

"Good girl. Now jump." He grabs you by the backs of your thighs, you oblige eagerly. You wrap your arms around his neck and jump off of the floor. He presses you against the wall, he uses his metal hand to hold you around your waist, the other to brace himself against the wall. You help him by wrapping your legs around his hips, pressing your dripping folds against his solid cock, trapping his length between your hot bodies.

"Fuck." He breathes, letting his head fall to your shoulder.

"Please, let me put it in." You beg, then press your lips into the side of his head.

"Since you asked so nicely." He huffs against your neck, his voice has lost most of its rough edge, he sounds much less stable now and much more desperate.

You reach down between your bodies and grab his length by the base, giving him one long stroke before sliding his tip along your folds, gathering your slick as you line him up at your entrance. He doesn't give you a single second to do anything else before he snaps his hips up, shoving himself into you. He was definitely right about it hurting, you bite into his leather clad shoulder to muffle your cry. He presses himself into you and you feel tears prick your eyes as he stretches you painfully. He brings his head away from your neck to rest his forehead against your own. Your eyes lock with suffocating intensity and your cunt immediately clenches around his cock, now completely inside of you. He hisses at the sensation, then he presses his lips against yours with bruising force.

You moan into the kiss, letting your fingers dig through his messy brown hair. He presses his tongue against your lips and you open wide for him. The way he's kissing only makes you want more of him, your chest fills with the shameful desire to be used by him. The way he moves against you is flawless, he's rough and precise, like he's already known your body for years. He bites your bottom lip then slowly pulls his hips back just to thrust himself back inside you.

"Shit!" You sob against his mouth, pulling his hair a little as the broken sound leaves your throat. He's stretching you out and filling you up, he's absolutely ruining you. The sharp pain of his cock opening you up is something you only want more of.

"You've got such a tight little cunt." He sighs pulling back again then sliding in at a torturous pace.

"Tell me again, what do you need?" He asks, voice catching when your walls flutter around him.

"I need you to use me, hurt me, fuck me. Please- shit- please fucking ruin me." Your voice is broken and full of lust, you look him dead in the eyes while you confess your needs to him. Hot tears fall down your cheeks as you beg. He's barely even started, and you're already a moaning mess for him.

With a growl and a wild look in his eyes he pulls out slowly one last time, then he starts ramming into you suddenly and relentlessly. Your jaw drops and you grab onto him, wrapping your arms around his neck completely, your head falls back against the wall and a moan rips out of your throat.

"You fucking whore, you're dripping. You like it when I hurt you? Does that make this pussy wet?" He says with a mocking tone.

"Yes sir." You cry, your thighs squeeze his hips, his words stoke a familiar flame inside you.

If at all possible, he snaps his hips into you even harder, the obscene sounds of his skin meeting yours fill the room, you can even hear how soaked you are as he pumps in and out of you.

"I knew this is what you wanted." He huffs, he presses a sloppy kiss against your lips.

"As soon as you licked my blood off of your lips, I knew you were a nasty little pain slut." He ends his sentence with a harsh moan.

Your back is being rubbed raw by the concrete of the wall, your cunt is being split open by his brutal pace, but you welcome all the pain. You fucking love it, it makes everything so much more thrilling. His thrusts halt for just a brief moment, just long enough for him to pull you off of the wall with a growl. He falls back onto the ground, landing so you're straddling him, your hands plant on either side of his head, knees aching from the impact. He throws his arms around your waist then he starts snapping his hips up, drilling himself into your pussy. The new angle allows him to rut into you so hard that the head of his dick pounds into your cervix with every brutal thrust. You sob into his shoulder, your arms give out and you collapse against his chest. You can feel his cock so fucking deep, this new position is more incredible than anything you've ever felt. You're fully sobbing now, hands gripping at him wherever they can't find purchase. You moan out broken sentences, begging for more and more of his addicting thrusts.

"How's that feel, bitch?" He says with a ragged voice. He brings his metal hand down against your ass, smacking it so hard you're certain he breaks the skin. It only makes you clench around him even tighter, the exhilarating sensation pushes more years from your eyes as you all but scream out.

"Good girl, fuckin' take it." He groans.

His words make your abs seize up, you feel your legs start to shake and your cunt start tighten, electricity settles in your lower belly and your walls start to flutter.

He smacks your ass again, so fucking hard.

"I didn't say you could cum yet." He sinks his teeth into your neck with a harsh groan. The sting only brings you closer to the edge.

"Please sir, please I'm so fucking close. Let me cum on your cock. Please please please." You sound absolutely pathetic, you feel drool drip out of your open mouth as he drills into you mercilessly.

"Look at you, you're such a fuckin' mess." He gives you a particularly rough thrust, absolutely nailing your cervix much harder than he has been. The delicious sting makes your entire body tremble.

"Please let me cum sir, I'll be a good girl I swear please just let me cum. I wanna be so fuckin' good for you, I'll do anything." You beg like you're pleading for your life, your body is so painfully close to release, but you don't dare reach down to play with your clit, you know better.

"Tell me what you need, sweetheart." He moans against your neck. The gentle nature of the name he's just moaned contrasts harshly with the previous degrading terms, it strokes your ego in a delicious way.

"My clit, please, please rub my clit." Your voice is completely shredded, thankfully, he seems to finally give you what you want.

His flesh hand shoots down between your bodies, finding your clit immediately. The contact sends electric shocks through your cunt and down your legs. You bite onto his shoulder again to quiet your screaming.

"No." He growls, his free hand snatches you by your roots and rips your mouth from his shoulder, the sharp pain makes you cry out from the back of your throat.

"I better fuckin' hear it when you cum- fuck- do it now, be a good girl like you promised and let me feel you cum." That's all it takes, his fingers working at your clit as his rough voice grants you permission. You tremble violently against him as you finally let your orgasm rip through you. White hot pleasure shreds every nerve in your body. An inhuman scream leaves your throat as your walls contract around his dick. He just keeps fucking you through it, not stopping his destructive pace for even a second.

"Cum inside me." You moan out against the side of his head while your nails dig into his shoulders. His hips stutter slightly and he lets out a high pitched moan that only makes your walls squeeze tighter.

"Yeah? You want me to come inside your slutty little cunt?" He asks, voice laced with a desperate edge that makes your eyes roll back in your head.

"Please, I want you to ruin this cunt, I want you to ruin me." You beg, and he finally fucking breaks.

With a deep, ragged moan he buries himself inside you, stilling as he spills his load deep within your walls. You gasp as you feel his thick cock pulse inside you, painting your insides white with his hot cum.

"Fucking shit- good girl, such a good girl." He chants against your neck, nipping the skin between moans. You're both panting heavily, hands clinging to each other without any desire to let go. You lift your head slightly to gaze down at him. He stares up at you with lust blown pupils, the silvery blue of his irises nearly overtaken by the dark centers. Neither of you say a word, you just lay there and drink each other in. Whatever you've unlocked with each other tonight isn't something you could even begin to talk about. Your bodies twitch against each other, both of you riding out your aftershocks, coming down from your frantic highs. You let your forehead drop to meet his as a dopey smile spreads across your face.

His flesh hand comes up to cradle your face gently, the tenderness of it makes you jump slightly. He takes a deep breath in before uttering his next words with a deep, warning voice.

"Do you still want me to do my worst?"

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