#literally just going nowhere for 45 min

[seph-on-an-irrational-planet]

“Among the Lotus Eaters” is probably the most classic Star Trek plot SNW has done so far and yet did absolutely nothing interesting with it. This should’ve been the character work episode and yet all we learned about Ortegas is “she really loves her job and is very good at it” which describes the whole fucking cast.

[sarah-yyy]

drive-by rec post for warm on a cold night which just finished airing last night!!

super quick “no time to listen to sarah yell over cdramas now” overview and links first before we get into it as usual:

what: period cdrama // 36 eps, roughly 45 mins each where: iqiyi // viki (usual disclaimer that i do not use eng subs so i don’t speak to the quality of subs) why: fun period cdrama werewolf romance with a sprinkle of crime-solving and uh hand-holding for Plot Reasons

my sweet girl su jiu’er of the qian kingdom! she is the only female constable in the city, but mostly does chores that none of the constables do because she’s had this condition since she was young where her body temperature drops rapidly out of nowhere and she faints randomly so no-one really lets her out to investigate cases even though she’s got the brains for it :(

this loser (affectionate) is han zheng, prince of the qi kingdom - the people of qi are all shapeshifters (think werewolves, though the actual shifting is never really explored too much so idk if they all shift into wolves or if this is specific to han zheng and his branch) who have superior physical abilities. han zheng starts out aloof, arrogant, and low-key anti-qian, but goes through a whole series of character growth because of jiu’er.

these two meet when han zheng sneaks into the qian kingdom to investigate the disappearance of his old friend (who has been branded a traitor of the qi kingdom; hz does not believe this). 

jiu’er finds out that touching han zheng alleviates her condition, like he literally warms her up whenever she touches him, so she keeps trying to do that (sometimes with adorable please save me i’m dying begging, sometimes with buddy you are literally an illegal immigrant here i call the shots blackmail, my girl has range) to han zheng’s initial distaste :))) the two of them team up to first solve recent mysteries in the city targeting the qi people, and then later investigate han zheng’s bff’s disappearance and jiu’er father’s death.

this show is so funny!! jiu’er persistently tries to get han zheng to try new things and make friends (even with his love rival!!!!!), and the banter between them at the start is so funny! their rivals to friends to lovers transition is also so smooth, and there is A LOT of gratuitous hand-holding scenes thank you scriptwriter for feeding me so well

ANYWAY the setting is fun, the cases move really quickly and most of them are quite interesting. i think it’s meant to be more a romcom than it is a crime-solving drama, so i went in with lower expectations re: the cases etc which helped! most of them are not that complicated, but still fun to watch unfold! the fight scenes are done really well

the side characters are also a+++

sleepy boy in the middle is wen jun (prince of the qian kingdom), who has had a crush on jiu’er since they were little and she took care of him when he was banished to this temple with his sickly mother by the emperor. they lost contact with each other when he was taken back to the palace after his mother passed. he is THE SWEETEST BOY!!! he doesn’t really have a mind for politics (that’s all left to his elder brother), so his fam just lets him enjoy life writing plays and spending money. he helps out with their investigation and follows han zheng and jiu’er around like a puppy :’) major ot3 vibes but ALAS

HELLO DA-DIANXIA MY LOVE :’) i am a sucker for a smart, well put together man, so can y’all really blame me for imprinting upon wen ying like this??? he is SUSPICIOUS af from the get-go, but also he’s so good and so kind to wen jun that i keep thinking the show is just trying to bait me into thinking he’s the bad guy :( ANYWAY in the later eps, he’s got this Thing going on with chi lan (badass general of the yi kingdom who is also han zheng’s other bff) that just makes me go !!! because of the potential

moustache man is jiu’er’s godfather! also one of my favourite characters with a+++ comedic timing tbh!!! can’t say more about him because spoilers but I LOVE HIM OKAY

if y’all are looking for a nice, low-stakes watch, this is probably the show for you! it’s mostly light-hearted, nothing too complex that requires full attention, and really easy to binge - i probably could’ve done this whole show in one weekend if i weren’t also battling jetlag :D

[piratescage]

OK i never really do tumblr posts but i NEED to vent because tua was one of my favorite series and it just makes me so mad that it ended the way that it did so here i go SPOILERS FOR TUA SEASON 4 YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED (but also if you haven't watched it yet, honestly don't even bother, it's not really worth it)

first of all, i want to say that the ending itself wasn't actually that bad imo. predictable? yes, but i think i would have enjoyed it if i didn't end up disliking most of the stuff that came before it.

the breaking point for me was definitely lila and five storyline. after their kiss, i KNEW nothing could have been done for me to enjoy the rest of the season and even finishing it felt like a chore (i literally started checking the remaining time every 5-10 min). honestly just..... why??? why was this even a thing? to me this just came so out of nowhere and ruined both characters. i loved lila and diego together, i get that to make things ""spicy"" you would want to create some sort of tension between them (a bit cliché if you ask me, but fine) but it really didn't need to go in this direction. she was such a great character too, honestly my second favorite, and this just made me dislike her so much. she just cheated on her husband (with whom she has two kids with btw) with her husband's brother who's also the guy who killed her parents!!!! and for what?? and five as well like.... what???? five was such a comfort character for me and they truly ruined him, just like that. not only he betrayed his own brother, which is so much unlike five, because if there's one thing he cares about in his own weird little way it's his family, but then he also hid the diary that would help them come back home, knowing that lila has A FAMILY to go back to, because he loves her...? the same guy who left dolores (i know she is a mannequin buT FUCK OFF it made him so happy) behind after 45 years in a post-apocalyptic world to become a trained assassin in order to go back to his family??? that's something he would do for sure!!!, i say in a completely, definitely not sarcastic tone :))))) and don't even get me started on how he just fucking leaves after lila says "it's over", holy shit. if i were diego i would also beat the shit out of him, ngl. anyway, i could vent about this pairing for ages so i'm gonna move on but i wanted to talk about this first because, again, it was my breaking point and also i really loved both of these characters, especially five, i loved lila and diego relationship and i can't believe how much they fucked up with all of this, holy shit.

idk if it's because this season was shorter (probably) but i feel like there was so much wasted potential with some of the characters' storylines. luther was one of my favorites this season, which feels so weird to say, because even though i never really hated the guy, he's not really one of those characters i usually gravitate towards. that said, i do think more could have been done with his story arc, especially relating to sloane and his potential grieving because of her absence. seriously, why the fuck was sloane not there? why are we left with no explonation reguarding her?? such a missed opportunity.

allison's storyline also felt like a wasted opportunity. first of all, you are really gonna make me believe that ray just left???? the ray we all know and love, that ray?? and give us no explonation as to why?? that's insane. i literally thought he was dead at first, the thought that he might have left allison never even crossed my mind. i feel like the show could have focused more on how her life isn't perfect despite of what she did and also on her relationship with her family and the possible resentment that they might have felt towards her. this last point in particular they completely glossed over.

klaus' story arc was sooooo boring. i wasn't the biggest fan of sober, germophobic klaus to begin with and the way he shouted at his family after saving his life felt a bit out of character (although a bit deserved, since he's always been overlooked by everyone) but his plot was just, as i've already stated, boring. klaus always has his own thing going on but usually it ties back to the main plot, this time it just doesn't. and it's just this really boring storyline that leads pretty much nowhere.

ben's story is also wasted potential!! the jennifer incident reveal was kinda of meh and i still don't fully understand who the fuck jennifer is and where she came from and why she was in a giant squid in the first place but maybe i'm the dumb one (probably). their relationship escalated way too fast, i know they are connected to each other and can't help it that much but it would have been nice if we took things just a little bit slower.

one thing i've always loved about tua were the "villains" or antagonistic characters, because i've always found them to be weirdly likeable. that, however, did not happen with this season. jean and gene were both quite boring imo, and abigail...... ugh. she could have been so much more. i didn't really like the fact that she was the one trying to get ben and jennifer together to end the world in the first place and i just really do not understand her motivations??? again, i'm probably being dumb here but i feel like so much more could have been done with her character, especially in relation to hargreeves. didn't really like how both characters went out either, it just felt really rushed.

OH ALSO, almost fucking forgot, but am i fucking crazy or last season ended with a shot of ben in a subway or whatever and we never really touched on that this season??? like what the fuck did that mean, i thought for sure there were gonna be two ben?? was that still this ben then, i'm so confused....

anyway, i think i vented out most of my frustrations. didn't expect a rant about one of my favorite shows being my first tumblr post but here we are, i guess. now time to find a way to delete this season out of existence hargreeves' siblings style

(also i know i didn't mention viktor but that's because i quite liked his character this season, probably one of my favorites alongside luther so i have nothing bad to say about him)

[potpiehead]

🧍‍♀️ so I just went back to my room and was sitting in my bed. now if you recall I mentioned there's no privacy curtain so people can see if you're in your bed. so a dude walks in and I haven't seen him before so I'm guessing he just checked in earlier today. immediately he sees me and starts talking to me and ones of the first things he says is "oh hey... different colored socks" (I'm wearing 1 blue and 1 purple sock). we started talking a little bit and it was a fine conversation but I was like "this is so awkward can I please just relax" in my head... but I didn't want to be rude so I asked him what he was travelling for and he like pauses and really awkwardly goes "I do research... for the government..." which is actually interesting but his tone was so odd like I just blew his cover or something lol. now recall I'm on the top bunk... he points to the bed below mine and says "well if you need me I'll be right here" (the beds are assigned and his shoes were already there so it has nothing to do with me. just horrible luck). we didn't talk for like 5 mins but then he starts talking again and I'm thinking dude it's like 9:45 pm I think ppl are trying to sleep... he asks me if I have a boyfriend (🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️🚩🚩🚩🚩) and look I usually have the worst sense of hidden meaning and when I should lie but I have learned that that is NOT something someone asks in the first ten minutes of a convo out of nowhere unless they are trying to flirt with you so I say YES I DO HAHA. and he gives some awkward response.. he continues talking to me and it's a very one sided conversation bc I'm just giving him bare minimum answers to try to drop the hint that I want him to stop but it is NOT working. the questions he's asking me vary from like "what's your city like" "what shows do you watch" to "what truths have you discovered through your life" and "what kind of risks have you taken in life" and again I'm just trying to give the least interesting answers possible. he asks me "so this boyfriend of yours... where did you meet him? School?" (my answer was "yeah high school") he then asks "when you told your boyfriend about this trip what did he say?" Okay first of all what the hell kind of question is that. second of all this gave me the impression he's fishing for clues on my likelihood of cheating with him on this non-existent bf. third of all how obvious could you be 😭!!! there's other people here bro... fourth of all I don't think this was his intention w the question but what is the deal with men thinking we had to get the permission of other men to do stuff... like when I went on that cruise with my coworkers but no plus one of my own one of my coworkers dads was like "your dad let you go by yourself?" wow thanks for the insight of how you treat the women in your life. Jesus fucking Christ. I got up to fill my water bottle use the bathroom and brush my teeth and I came back to the bed and he was sitting on the bottom bunk and looked at me but didn't say anything and he stopped talking to me so I'm wondering if he either got the hint, got tired or if someone told him to fuck off while I was in the bathroom lol. anyway. If there weren't other people in this dorm with us I would literally leave but there's another dude and another woman here. they were both awake listening to this whole thing lmao. I was like god fucking help me...

[lovesaadiqa]

the unthethered soul

this book is one that keeps on giving or growing me i should say. my second time reading it helped me realized the different spaces i was in before and now. i seldom go back and read my entries, its kinda of cringe for me especially when i don't see in growth from one post to another, stagnation makes me sad. anyway i cried alot the first time i read this book and this time im highlighting like hell. just to catch me up, ive been driving over the road for 5 months now, initially soothing myself with music, empty conversation from random people and as dangerous as it sounds, tv, movies and murder mysteries. the last 30 days has been silent asf on my truck, no nothing! the window down and my thoughts. i gave the book another go round but ive been applying what im reading and this shit is no joke! ive learned how to know when im in the seat of self, how to be aware of my awareness, how to watch my emotions form, how to disconnect from what im seeing and pay attention to how whatever it is im seeing is making me feel. amateur at best but today was another monster and i can see how i definitely will need my awareness to grow and how consistency will play a major role in how fast i can find my freedom.

its 4th of july, no the weekend, the literal day. i'd been driving for 4 hours and go to my receiver super early because when i started my route i forgot the time zone was going to change. i arrived at 1:30 cst and am told the ppl who unload me was changing shifts and i'd have to wait until 3:45.. there's no pressure but its hard asf to find parking in general but especially on a holiday or weekend so idgaf about nothing but finding parking because im less than 1/2 mile aware from a flying j and dont wanna have to get back on the highway to find parking. i get back in my truck, eat and get on social media. i can feel someone unloading me but it's nowhere near 3:45 so i grab my paperwork and march my ass inside hype like "yes, imma be outta here soon" i get in a realize it was an over zealous worker who came in early for holiday pay (i'd still have to wait for my paperwork to get signed). someone shows up in the office right at 3:45 and im told they have to count and verify my freight which would be at least 30-45 more mins. im ok with that because my appt time wasn't until 5pm and im already unloaded before 4. it's gets dumb tricky because im notified im counted and good to go, i get inside and the guy who is to give me my papers says i have to pay a lumper fee. i've never in all my months had to pay a lumper fee, in fact i don't know wtf that is so i call my dm and I get Matt (he's a rude sob and hate hearing his damn voice) who tells me i have to send a message form. i do as im told but get a reference number on my tablet that says give this to the ppl inside to pay, i get inside give them the code and they tell me to put it in the payment slot on the text they sent (in my head im screaming "what fucking text") -- fuck the rest of the story

as im walking back and forth from my truck to the receiver i can feel the agitation building, my responses are on the rude side, i can hear my consciousness forewarning me that im getting heated. i tried to feel what was happening inside of me as im also trying to remain professional. i tell myself that im only frustated because i dont think im going to be able to find parking, im losing it becasue wtf is a lumper fee and wtf you mean i have to pay it, what text did you send me on top of hearing "western express this is Matt" lmmfaooooo. i get to the fucking gate to leave and the bitch gone say "can you pull all the way up im pregnant and i dont feel like walking to the back of your trailer. i legit wanted to run her tf over because bitch you at work and pregnant ppl arent handicapped HOT!!!! In the time it took me to tell myself to calm and actually calming down i ran a stop sign and drove past the flying j entrance.

then i get to my lil to do list and im supposed to read a chapter: Removing Your Inner Thorn (im literally fighting back tears writing this) the second fucking sentence "In order to grow, you must give up the struggle to remain the same, and learn to embrace change at all time" ATE ME TF UP! Im not the same because now i have the awareness to spot, feel and identify my emotions before they have me in a chokehold. knowing all that i still copped an attitude and let them run me. this chapter talks about have a literal thorn piercing a nerve and the options you have to avoid the pain. first option is to avoid anything that will touch, bother, graze, tap, irritate your torn.. second option, remove the fucking thorn all together! a few lines that made me legit get my laptop, come into the pilot and write this entire entry: if you decide you have to keep things from touching the thorn, then that becomes the work of a lifetime; the life of protecting yourself from the problem becomes a perfect reflection of the problem itself; you can actually fell that because you've minimized the pain of the problem, you've solved the problem.. all you did was devote your life to avoiding it; the problem will be back the moment the external situation fails to protect you from what's inside; you are not the pain you feel; the thorns naturally work themselves out if you stop protecting them; you do no get rid of loneliness (or any thorn sadness, depression, anxiety, short temper, a broken heart, abdandonment) you just cease to be involved with it, it just another thing in the universerse like cars, glass or the stars.

i cant began to explain how i did the work and then read the book. there is no joy like getting it. i understand now. im praying for more situations to arise so i can better at this and win inner peace for myself. the ultimate goal for me is to sit in the seat of self and remain there.. i just know with my whole heart i will read this book until the cover falls off because it is a complete guide to spiritual freedom, in my opinion. i have about 6 books on my truck right now and this one is the most got a second read before i finished any of the other one for a first time. im happy to be here. in this space, with this awareness and the understanding of what to do with it and how if benefits me. i will get so fucking good at this!!

i hope when you come back to read this it wont be cringe babygirl. i wish you nothing but healing and total well being. to think that coming face to face with a pain that made you know want to wake up no more got you here is nothing but God's love for you. its so important to realize that it was all necessary! forgive, relax and release Saadiqa but most importantly remain thank for it all. equipped with the know-how to watch your thoughts and detach from them should make this journey so fucking delicious. you are awareness and EVERTHING else is an object of your consciousness. the feelings, the thoughts that get stuck on repeat, other people, aging, your body.. all of it. just a thing/things you've become aware of, they are not you. never, ever, ever forget that. leaving the seat of self is such a massive step down that some people do it for a single thing and they're never able to return again. that is the prize, the gift of a life lived. Chapter 8 over and over and over and over again!!!! please get this Saadiqa it is my life's wish for you NEVER STEP DOWN!

[mggpleasedontlookhere]

home run

request: Spencer Reid and reader go undercover at a baseball game and their really close friends but then they get put on the kiss cam 👉👈

word count: 1,204                                                                                     reading time aprox: 4 mins 30 secs

masterlist

“Did you know that essentially baseball is based on the physics of fluid dynamics, and a pitch produces a turbulent wake of air behind the ball. At which gets deflected depending upon which way the ball rotates. The rotation, actually causes the ball to move across the plate according to the same principles-” Spencer rambles, maneuvering his fingers around to motion to a spherical form rotating on it’s axis. 

“And why would I know that Reid?” I laughed while playfully pushing him to the side, making sure he didn’t fall sideways on the steps we were trudging on. “You know for a guy who knows about the physics of sports, you don’t seem to actually like the sport itself” I criticized, watching Spencer cringe and crinkle his nose. 

“I prefer the sport of chess” He retorted, scanning his eyes over the various crowds of middle age dads, young children, and die hard fans that populated the stands. 

We were working a case here in New York City, comprised of a retired MLB investor who’s been suspected of 4 homicides of past athletes that played for the Mets. 

I scoffed in amusement at the articulation of his words. “Remind me to educate you on being a normal human being after we’re done with this case” I teased whilst profiling the event. The floors of the stadium were tarnished in the sticky residue of spilled soda combined with leftover popcorn kernels. 

“Oh be quiet Y/L/N, you were nowhere close to being normal when we were kids” Spencer commented, referring to my theater phase where I enacted and memorized every line from The Phantom of the Opera. 

Reminiscing on my glory days, I remember compelling Spence to drop his physics textbooks when he was studying for his finals in high school, so that he would recite the entire play with me. “Okay but you were an atrocious Phantom to my Christine” I countered. 

We both laughed at the memories we’ve made together, taking our seats in the process as the game resumed from it’s halftime show. “Our unsub a 35 to 45 year old white male” I reminded him, examining the game in process. “But that’s literally almost everybody in here” I groaned, seeing the lack of diversity in the stands. 

“Yeah, but remember we’re looking for someone in posh clothing with the possibility of being overweight, which matches with the corresponding insecure factor of our unsub” He noted, taking a look at the VIP box that hung just above the top rows of the stadium. “He’s still regarded as a figure of influence so he may be in there” He gestured pointing to the location where many high class individuals usually resided. 

“You may be right, let’s go-” I began my sentence but was abruptly interrupted by the sound of the announcer’s voice broadcasted all over stadium. “Ladies and Gentlemen, I hope everyone’s having an extraordinary time with us-” The man on the speaker said, although I drowned out his words as my focus derived from allocating our suspect in the VIP box. 

The man began announcing advertisements and I took that as an opportunity to leave. “Come on Spence, you go into the room and I’ll-” I instructed while maneuvering out of the stands until a man twice my height and size unexpectedly occupied the seat at the end of the row, impeding my exit strategy. I went up to try and tap the individual to motion for him to leave, but instead he brought his legs up and settled them on the spine of the seat in front of him. 

What a jackass

I reached for my badge that hung on the hemline on my pants when I felt Spencer nudge at me in hesitance. He then pointed up to the big screen on the opposite side of the stadium when I had realized that both of our faces were shown in pixels. Bewilderment flooded my thoughts until I saw ‘Kiss Cam’ in big bright animated letters lay coolly on the screen. 

I gulped, watching Spencer looking at me for answers while he rubbed his hands on the material of his pants. Noticing his panicked state, I waved off the camera, indicating that I didn’t want to be part of the tradition, but was revoked on the choice when the crowd began to chant. 

“KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS!” permeated both mine and Spencer’s eardrums making my heart race increase. Spencer continued to look at me in apprehension, dread probably running through that pretty little head of his. 

“Spence, forget them, we don’t have to anyway” I turned around tugging at his arm to walk away from the cameras, but he took his stance. I peered at him in puzzlement, questioning his actions until he practically yanked my arm to where we were chest to chest. 

A red tint had blossomed on the apple of my cheeks as I felt his breath fanning over my face. “Spence I-” I stuttered, not knowing how to go about the situation. 

“Just shh” Spencer reassured. “Can I?” He sweetly asked, staring at my lips as I did so to his. I nodded in affirmation, the warmth shared between us making the small interaction more intimate. With my consent, he leaned down pressing a chaste kiss on lips.   

Kissing him felt like I was jumping on clouds or floating in space with nothing tethered to me. The skin on his lips were soft and supple as he maneuvered them sublimely against my own. Regardless of the short and affection gesture, he lingered after he was finished, placing another kiss on my forehead. 

The kiss cam then traveled to another pair, but time seemed to stop on it’s own as we stood gazing at one another. “I- Spence you didn’t really have to-” I spoke, shaking my head in disbelief at what had occurred. 

“But I wanted to” Spencer professed, cutting me off mid sentence and denying me of the radical accusations I’ve made. 

“You’ve never told me, that you know, you liked me or a-anything. I jus-st thought that you didn’t like me, especially with JJ when we f-first started and then-” I rambled, unable to produce regular sentences without getting my words caught up in each other. 

Spencer reached over, grabbing my chin with his forefinger and thumb to acquire my attention. “I’ve never taken the chance to” He admitted shyly, caressing his thumb over the soft skin of my face. 

His hazel eyes emitted nothing but a loving and genuine gaze that made my heart melt right into his hands. In all the years that I’ve been with him, I’ve never noticed his affection towards me. 

“It’s funny how you’re a profiler and you haven’t been able to figure it out Y/L/N” He taunted, grinning at me while the blush on my cheeks grew exponentially. 

“Shut up Spence, you’re just lucky I even let you kiss me” I retorted, shaking my head at him as we were finally able to surpass the ignorant man wouldn’t let us out of the aisle. 

“Yeah I am lucky aren’t I” He praised, wrapping a firm arm around my waist as we walked towards the VIP box. 

“Damn straight, Dr. Reid” 

-

A/N

woah two imagines in one day, i must be going crazy

btw, i have one more request to write, then i’m going to be writing pt. 2 of ‘It Should’ve Been You’ 

[hufflepuffshifting]

Night one:

Method:

Im planning to use the raven method, if you don't know what it is I'll explain it real quick.

You lie on you back in a starfish position and in your head count in your head while saying affirmations in between numbers. Some people lose their place in between numbers, some people say it's better for the shifting process, but I tend to count by fives or tens

ex: 1,2,3,4,5 I am shifting 6,7,8,9,10 shifting is as easy as breathing....

Anyway once you reach between 30 and 50 you should begin experiencing rapid eye movements, tingling in your hands and feet, for me personally I begin to see a white light behind my eyes. You may also experience temperature changed and hearing voices or noises from your dr. Once you reach 100 there's three options.

1). You've successfully shifted and your ready to enter your dr. If you've scripted that you will smell, hear, or taste something you will experience that now, don't open your eyes yet, you have to fall asleep. Most people who have successfully shifted using the raven method say as soon as they fall asleep they saw a bright white light and then they were in their dr.

2). Your not quite there yet, you can continue counting from 100 or recount to 100 until you feel as if you're ready for the first option.

3). Your literally so close to shifting you know it, keep saying affirmations until you think your ready for the first option.

My experience:

So I tried shifting last night using the raven method and this subliminal

https://youtu.be/QuTmiFrkxJA

This is the subliminal I normally use because i scripted that I would be shifting to the start of term on the train with the weasley twins in my compartment.

About 45 min had passed and I was feeling nothing, so I resorted to using a different subliminal and a guided shifting method.

https://youtu.be/XJMmtPMLBR8

This is what I used and I actually really liked it for the most part. The subliminal itself has seven phases.

1). Five minutes of binaural beats. These are to calm you down

2). A ten minute guided meditation. This is to relax you

3). 30 min of theta waves. Your supposed to use any shifting method you want during this time.

4). The song where is my love plays, this is for you to imagine like your dancing with a person in your dr (like the estelle method)

5). Once the first song ends the song RUNAWAY plays, this is to help visualize the last part of the estelle method, you are running away with the character from your dr.

6). This is a hogwarts subliminal to help you fully shift.

7). The last hour is more theta waves to help.you shift if you haven't already

I made it about another 40 minutes and opened my eyes out of nowhere. I didn't want to but it just happened, at that point I tried the pillow method, I also had a video of draco humming with his heartbeat under my pillow and as I fell asleep I said affirmations like "when I wake up I will be in my dr"

This is the subliminal I used (it's the first one I found without the ukulele)

https://youtu.be/Pchn4Uuuao8

I woke up this morning I don't think I shifted but I got pretty close. I have alot of animals in my room so there was also a distraction on that part, Im going to try to decide later whether I want to try to shift again tonight or give myself a break.

Remember shifting takes practice:)

Love you, stay safe, drink water, have a snack:)❤️

[nordic-language-love]

Language Learning Log 2021 - Week 28 (12.07 - 18.07)

Norwegian

Read 3x Harry Potter og Mysteriekammeret chapters

Listened to the radio

Listened to 1x Siri og de gode hjelperne episode

Watched 3x Kveldsnytt broadcasts

Italki lessons (1h 45 mins)

Spanish

Collins Spanish Grammar & Practice: Adjectives exercises 9-20

Spanish Tutor: Unit 3 exercises C-O, Unit 4 exercises A-O, Unit 5 exercises A-R

Listened to 3x Hoy Hablamos episodes

Listened to 2x Lost in Barcelona episodes

Watched 1x Dreaming Spanish video

Read 1x article (read aloud)

Watched 2x SKAM España episodes

Japanese

Duolingo: Hiragana 1, Intro 2, Counting, Time

Summary

All in all, a fairly mixed week. I’m feeling burned out and depressed and anxious and I feel like I have nowhere to turn to and I’m not about to bother anyone with my own stupid non-problems. But then, I’ve been feeling that way for months, so I guess I’m gonna just keep pushing on through and hoping that things will change soon. I have my italki pre-approval meeting on Wednesday and then I finally get to start teaching. I’m terrified, but hopefully having something extra to do and keep my brain occupied will help (it’s a risk though because if I get even 1 not-so-great review my confidence will probably be ruined, but I have nothing else going for me so I guess it’s worth a shot). A change is as good as a rest, right?

Norwegian

I tried out a new italki tutor this week and she was lovely! We had such a nice relaxed conversation :) She said to me she wasn’t sure what exactly I wanted to learn from her because I speak so well and she didn’t have to correct me at all haha. So next time I’ll come armed with some more advanced topics to discuss instead of just making small talk about familiar topics (performance arts, cats and the pandemic mostly).

I’m still not sure what to do in regards to tutors... I’ve been using two different ones and the original plan was to alternate weekly. Unfortunately because I have Problems, that ended up being two lessons a week. But now I feel like shaking it up and trying out different tutors but I still like the ones I have? And I’d feel sad if I ditch them (even though one of them is always rescheduling and honestly I’m kinda sick of it lol). But also I want to cut down to one session a week again (that makes me sound like an addict which tbf isn’t necessarily inaccurate) and if I’m trying out different tutors then I won’t be able to keep up lessons with my current tutors.

I’ll think about it.

Spanish

I can feel myself getting burned out with this intense Spanish already lmao. I guess because I’m just trying to get my grammar back up to speed and refreshing vocabulary. Also, I’m mostly using textbooks and the immersion I’m doing is quite difficult so I can’t just relax and enjoy it. I need to find something fun to get into! I started watching SKAM España in an attempt to do just that, but I don’t really understand much without English subtitles. Still, it’s something. And I enjoyed Dreaming Spanish and didn’t find that too hard, so I’ll try watching more of that this week.

I’m still considering italki lessons. Once I’m back up to speed on a few more verb tenses I probably will (right now I’m aware of them and roughly how to form them/use them but they need refreshing for sure). I’ve had a look at some tutors and there’s a few that look nice and aren’t too pricey. Although I’ve gotta say, I wish more of them would tell me about themselves and their classes in their bio/intro video. They basically all just list their qualifications and it’s. so boring? Like congratulations you’re qualified so is every other professional teacher on this website that’s literally what professional teacher means. I wanna know if you’re someone I can vibe with, y’know?

Japanese

Again, I’ve just been working with Duolingo refreshing certain skills. And once again, I’m realising that things that once made no sense at all now click and I can recognise a lot of kanji that I previously struggled with. It’s actually inspiring me to get back to it properly because I can see how much progress I’ve actually made. But it’s probably a good thing to go over and strengthen my foundations right now.

[sunshinemarauder]

fic writer interview

thank you to my beloved @clare-with-no-i for the tag! i adore you!

Name: Kat :)

Fandoms I write for: mostly jily, but I've dipped my toes in some hinny and next gen!

Two-shot: I've never really written a two-shot, but You're Worth Splinching For is currently two chapters out of five so... lmao

Most popular multichapter: Chronicles of a Sixth-Year Friendship which I should really write the last chapter of hmm

Worst part of writing: the starting :( i have such a hard time starting off because I never get ~into the zone~ but if I wait for ~the zone~ then I'll never write anything either lol

How you choose your titles: titling is THE worst! i'm so horrid at it! but lately i've just been taking them for t swift songs which is not sustainable in the long run but who cares, really?

Do you outline: ummmm hahahha sometimes? i am for YWSF and i tried for my jilychallenge fic because it's long and confusing but my fics always end up all over the place when i try

Ideas I probably won’t get to but it would be nice: so many, but i wrote one (1) chapter of a single dad!james multichapter that i have no motivation to finish now, so it's probably going to sit at the bottom of my word documents forever.

Callouts: girl can you please start outlining! your writing is so messy, what the hell is going on there!! also, please start revising your fics, you literally post the second you're done with something which is not sustainable

Best writing habits: idk, but i think i'm a fast writer, which is cool. it takes me like ~45 mins on average to write 1000 words which idk if it's fast or slow but it works, yay!

Spicy tangential opinion: the way I'm blanking out all of a sudden despite always having something to add lmao..... ok my opinion is very recently developed and not really an unpopular opinion but I'm kind of sick of fics where james is shown affectionate to the level of clownery with lily and she's apathetic/uses insults to deflect any emotions she has. let lily show her emotions 2k21! this is kind of coming out of nowhere but yeah, that's it lol.

TAGGING: @zephyrcove @cesays @pottinglilies

[darcyolsson]

living in central texas is hell because there’s just nothing for miles and miles except for the occasional cow… there’s no escape… you have to drive 4 hours just to get to the next closest big city

that sounds literally terrifying to me.... again i didn't want to go to uni up north bc it's not as surrounded by major cities as im used to (aka... less than 45 mins away to at least 3) so i felt like i was basically in the middle of nowhere. 4 hours...... i would be in northern france

[deliverydefresas]

question tag thingy

gracias a mi @candy-loverockr por taggearme, te quiero brooo <3

1: What are you wearing? my mickey and minnie mouse pajamas and a fluffy robe bc im cold

2: Ever been in love? nel

3: Ever had a terrible breakup? nope

4: How tall are you? like 1.60-ish? 

5: How much do you weigh? last time i weighted me self 57kg but confinement probs elevated that 

6: Any tattoos do you want? not really? i always if i got one it’d be like, my mom’s birthday or something but i don’t really *want* one 

7: Any piercings that you want? nope

8: OTP? idk if i can choose one but at the moment zoenne take the cake 

9: Favorite show? i don’t think i have one?? like i used to say friends bc it never fails to make me laugh but i dont think it is?? and i can’t think of one ??? soz

10: Favorite band? uhhh little mix probably 

11: Something you miss? walking around the park at my uni with a coffee in my hand, searching for a free spot to sit and read a book 

12: Favorite song? rn i’ve been listening to ‘shake it out’ (glee version? nonstop

13: How old are you? 22

14: Zodiac sign? capricorn? 

15: Hair color? a reddish-brown

16: Favorite quote? jdnjkdn again, i don’t think i have one

17: Favorite singer? uuuuh probs louist

18: Favorite color? red

19: Loud music or soft? soft

20: Where do you go when you’re sad? nowhere?? or like to a memory in specific? bc then i go to many many places

21: How long does it take you to shower? around 20 mins?

22: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? 30-60 mins

23: Ever been in a physical fight? nope 

24: Turn on? good humor, a nice smile, easy-going attitude. 

25: Turn off? pretentious, discriminating, mansplaining assholes

26: The reason I joined TUMBLR? the first time glee, the second time sl 

27: Fears? let time pass by even tho that’s exactly what i always end up doing lmao

28: Last thing that made you cry? the quaterback epidose of glee

29: Last time you cried? like a month ago? tho i tear up like, every day

30: Meaning behind your url? i just wanted a lutteo/soy luna related one and came up with this one lols 

31: Last book you read? i’ve been on a re-reading binge, so ‘the mistake’ by elle kennedy 

32: Last song you listened to? dog days are over 

33: Last show you watched? INUYACHAAA aka inuyasha

34: Last person you talked to? my youngest sister 

35: The relationship between you and the person you last texted? my other younger sister 

36: Favorite food? mexican in general

37: Place you want to visit? i wanna do a mamma mia tour so paris-skopelos-island of Vis, but i’ve also really been wanting to go to belgium 

38: Last place you were? inside my house? my bedroom, in general, the supermarket ndjdn 

39: Do you have a crush? none that isn’t fictional

40: Last time you kissed someone? literal years ago, lmao

41: Last time you were insulted and what was it? probs one of my sisters calling me a pendeja <3 

42: What color underwear are you wearing? how is this a question jdnjsd but like, grey??? 

43: What color shirt are you wearing? greyish black

44: What color bottoms are you wearing? grey with many minnie’s and mickey’s

45: Wearing any bracelets? no

46: Last sport you played? probs volley like, five years ago

47: Last song you sang? the inuyasha theme song LMAO 

48: Last prank call you remember doing? never have 

49: Last time you hung out with anyone? outside my family?? like in january for my birthday

50: Favorite movie? i feel like everyone knows this already lmaooo (both mamma mia!’s)

i’m not sure who i should tag so feel free to ignore/tag yourself 

[aborderlinehurricane]

✨ Bpd Asks ✨

So I decided just to answer all of these because I know no one will actually inbox me a number lol

1. How did you find out about bpd?

I felt like I had it when I was like 15 and then when I turned 18 a doctor asked “has anyone ever diagnosed you with BPD?” And I said “no.” Then I was officially diagnosed.

2. How long have you been diagnosed?

Since I was 18. So almost 5 years.

3. What age do you think you started having bpd symptoms?

Honestly I think like 8 or 9. I had a lot of random emotional breakdowns when I was younger whenever I had a small disagreement with someone because I thought they were leaving me.

4. Do you have other mental illnesses? Does bpd complicate these illnesses? If so, in what way?

Bipolar, CPTSD, and Bulimia. Being treated for possible OCD and ADHD. It makes the CPTSD worse because they are very similar in some ways.

5. What do you do to deal with anger?

Still learning

6. What do you do to deal with depression?

I use my online social media accounts to express myself, go on tik tok, or talk to someone online.

7. What do you do to deal with anxiety?

slow breathing or do something with my hands.

8. What do your mood swings look and feel like?

Literally I could be fine and calm one minute then 3 mins later I’m severely depressed and suicidal then later on irritable and angry for no reason.

9. If you experience dissociation, what is that like for you personally?

It feels like nothing is real. Like I’m not real and the world isn’t real. Like I’m a character in a movie and I get really spacey. I sometimes forget where I am.

10. Are you more of a quiet borderline, classic borderline, or somewhere in the middle? If you’re in the middle, what traits do you have of quiet and classic bpd?

In the middle. Kinda classic by which I have occasional outbursts. But mostly quiet because I turn inward most times and self harm or have suicide attempts. Probably like 40% classic and 60% quiet.

11. Do you believe in the 4 types of bpd? If so, are you more of a discouraged, impulsive, petulant, or self-destructive borderline?

I believe in the 4 types and I believe someone can be more than one type. I am the discouraged and self-destructive type of borderline.

12. Were you ever misdiagnosed? If so, which mental illness were you misdiagnosed with? How did that affect your treatment?

I used to be diagnosed with major depressive disorder and then it was changed to bipolar disorder. I was once diagnosed with EDNOS and then it was changed to Bulimia Nervosa.

13. Do you have an fp? If so, how do you cope with having such a strong, influential relationship?

My fp tends to be mental health professionals like therapists and psychiatrists. It can be quite detrimental to the therapeutic relationship. 

14. How many times have you been hospitalized? If you have been hospitalized, what was it like and did it help you in any way?

Sounds unreal but it’s been 38 times from 2011-2020. And it used to help at first but now it’s just an inconvenience.

15. What is your advice to someone who is considering hospitalization or is about to be hospitalized?

It’s okay to go they are there to help you but most of the help you’ll receive is actually from outpatient therapy.

16. Have you ever been in residential treatment? If so, what was it like and did it help?

Yes, I went to Timberline Knolls. The same place Demi Lovato and Kesha went for treatment in Illinois. It was helpful at first but I grew to hate it. Every week someone is trying to escape and the girls are super gossipy and catty.

17. What is your advice to someone who is considering residential treatment or is about to start residential treatment?

Please research people’s experiences and reviews of the facility before applying/going.

18. What is your advice to someone who has just been diagnosed with bpd?

Get involved with either a DBT therapist or DBT group. It’ll help a lot. Read up from different books and websites. And for GOD’S SAKE do not read that awful book “I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me.”

19. Who do you look up to that influences your personality/way of thinking? What personality traits/ways of thinking have you taken on because of them?

I take traits from everyone I encounter and it’s always changing so this wouldn’t be a very short answer.

20. Who did you look up to when you were young (real or fictional)?

Katniss Everdeen because she’s just really strong and in the books I loved her cynical attitude. Lady Gaga and Demi Lovato were/are my role models for recovery. I’ve had a crush on Lady Gaga for several years as well lol.

21. How have you changed since you were first diagnosed? (Be proud of yourself, you’ve come a long way and I’m proud of you 💖)

Honestly I’ve just gotten worse but I’ve developed more insight.

22. What are some things related to your bpd that you still want to work on?

Dissociation, paranoia, innapropiate anger, self destructive tendencies, no sense of self, fear of abandonment.. okay I might as well say everything because I meet every criteria for bpd when you only need to meet 5...

23. Does bpd cause your opinions on things to change a lot?

Yeah other people’s opinions influence my opinions.

24. How are you feeling right now? What is currently influencing your mood?

Hopeless and tired. Mainly because I feel like my life is going nowhere.

25. Do you have any friends with bpd? If so, how is that friendship different than friendships with people who do not have bpd?

An online friend :) but I’ve several friends with bpd over the years. The friendship would never work out because we both have bpd and our personalities would just clash.

26. Favorite songs to listen to when you’re in a bad mood?

My Chemical Romance - The Light Behind Your Eyes

Clairo - Flaming Hot Cheetos

Jose Gonzalez - Crosses

Crown the Empire - Lead Me Out of the Dark

Imogen Heap - Hide and Seek

Chase Holfelder - Animal

27. What do you do to get yourself through a break down?

I yell, and try to take deep breaths and close my eyes.

28. What are your top 3 healthy coping skills?

Writing, art, and music

29. Do you channel your pain into any art forms such as drawing, singing, poetry, etc?

artwork, drawing, poetry, singing, crochet, ukulele, guitar, piano, and clarinet.

30. Are you more of the type to isolate and avoid others or need to be with people all the time because you’re afraid to be alone?

Isolation

31. Are you more of the type to overshare too much personal information or keep too much of yourself a secret out of fear of rejection?

I definitely overshare way too much.

32. Does bpd affect your appearance? For example, do you change your hair or clothing style frequently?

I’m always changing my style. I go from dressing emo, to goth, to punk, to tomboy, to now my current style: art hoe.

33. What keeps you alive?

Art and Music

34. How open are you about having bpd?

Pretty open with most people but I do get wary of being judged and stigmatized.

35. When starting a new relationship, when do you usually think it’s the right time to tell your partner you have bpd?

I have an issue with oversharing typically. But I usually wait depending on the person. Like I wait till we get to know each other then I tell them.

36. Do you listen to any songs that perfectly describe how you feel as a person who has bpd?

Lorde - Liability

Twenty One Pilots - I Need Something

P!NK - Don’t Let Me Get Me

37. Were you more of an innocent quiet child or a trouble maker growing up?

Innocent and quiet. But as a child I’ve had a lot of emotional outbursts under stress.

38. Are there any coping skills you want to try that you haven’t yet?

embroidery

39. Are you currently in recovery? If so, how is that going for you?

KInda. In therapy and I’m taking medications but I’m still struggling.

40. What keeps you motivated?

Answer not found

41. Does the bpd stigma affect you in any way? If so, how?

Yes because people see my behaviors and emotions as attention seeking & dramatic when it’s not.

42. Name 5 qualities you like about yourself.

Creative, smart, funny, that’s all I got...

43. Do you journal? If so, does it help you cope?

I use it occasionally to keep track of my chaotic days and behaviors.

44. Do you use any bpd/dbt related apps?

No.

45. List some of your favorite bpd blogs.

I don’t have any.

[trunaturalista]

Costa Rica: The Solo Traveler.

I have received so many DM’s and texts regarding my trip and I wanted to share a few answers. Please reach out if there is something I did not address. 

Did you use a travel agency for your Costa Rica trip?

Absolutely not. The only time I’ve used an agency was when I went to Dubai and that was only because I was traveling to the Middle East. I planned this entire trip myself. I found a great treehouse to stay in with wonderful owners that made the entire process seamless and meaningful. Google.com. Booking.com. Search for exactly what you want.

Did you stay on a resort?

Nope! I stayed in a treehouse/villa apartment vibe. It was gated, but anyone could honestly access if it really was that deep. This was one of the most amazing places I’ve stayed. I met all of the owners and they ensured I was happy, safe, each and every day. If you are afraid of bugs, lizards, monkeys, snakes, well the wilderness, do not do it to yourself. You will not make it, lol.

What made you select Costa Rica for your first solo travel trip?

It’s literally one of the top places for female solo travelers. Literally….do your research on every country, city, village you want to travel to and read articles. Check stats. Research crime. Costa Rica has always been on my very long bucket list and it seemed kind of perfect.

It is rainy reason, but I believe this season really gave me an opportunity to relax, release and think. It rained a lot at night and that is when I wrote, read, and meditated the most.

I really wanted to stay in a village to get the true experience although…many thought this was beyond dangerous. Most did not speak English at all and you have to be prepared for this. I loved hearing about the history of the village from the locals.

Costa Rica is the safest country in Central America…:)

This trip allowed me to travel on a small plane. I had to fly into San Jose and then take a domestic flight from San Jose to Tambor. From Tambor, my taxi ride was 45 mins to the village and to my treehouse. It was a lot of travel, but it was exactly the experience I wanted.

Were you scared? Did you feel unsafe?

I absolutely was scared…who would not be? I am always a little anxious before traveling to a new place, but it’s not a bad feeling – it’s like a rush, really. Like wow, I’m really doing this! When I arrived at the village and even when I landed in San Jose…there is not one moment when I felt unsafe. Everyone was warm, welcoming, and willing to give me information if I had a question about something. When I was out on my Quad and it had issues reversing and switching gears, someone was always willing to help. Even if they did not speak English, they still wanted to make sure I was good. Never felt like I was going to be snatched or sold into sex trafficking as so many people chimed in my inbox.

Why solo travel?

I’ve learned that people are extremely disappointing and will bail on you at any minute when it comes to travel. I told myself that when I turned thirty, I would embark on this solo travel journey for a number of reasons:

The trip was about me! I could do what I wanted, when I wanted, how I wanted, hell I sat around naked for hours doing absolutely nothing but thinking about how blessed I was. My daughter. Future plans. My friendships. Relationship. Everything.

I was 100000% selfish. I spent money money! Bought what I wanted. I ate what the fuck I wanted. When I wanted, woke up when I wanted, drank when I damn well pleased andddddd was just naked as hell in the rainforest. I called the damn shots.

Man, I was able to recharge. Lowkey, but highkey, if you know me, I’ve been through a lot of shit the last year. Relocating twice. Job switches. Adjusting for both myself and my beautiful child. I’ve lost and gained friends. This trip gave me the space to recharge my mental, physical and emotional being. It was so necessary.

I love vulnerability. Like, solo travel is the ultimate way to put yourself in a vulnerable situation. Listen, I’ve moved to two places with/out any family or friends in sight – that is vulnerability. But, traveling to a foreign country solo is another level. It’s scary, but it’s a cool ass vibe man. With this….you can accomplish anything.

I needed and wanted to create a space to heal. That is all I can really say on that.  

I needed to find myself again. I get lost, found, lost, found. It’s nice. Meaningful. You literally have nothing but time to think about any and everything. It’s quiet.

Solo travel is super empowering. It’s only lonely when you decide not to go out and meet, talk to and explore, honestly.

What did your family and friends say?

Loaded question! 

Listen, my mom was excited but worried as any mom should be. My dad was on some ABSOLUTELY THE FUCK NOT ‘ASHA and probably didn’t sleep the entire time I was gone. My sisters were all for it and encouraging. My closest friends were super happy for me. My man-panion was worried, but also excited because he’s traveled solo abroad as well. So many folks in my messages with envious messages and words of encouragement. Felt great. But, there were a lot of ppl in my inbox spewing negativity. “You are crazy” “You can be sex trafficked” “It’s stupid to travel alone” “what about Zarah” “you wilding” blah blah blah etc etc etc. Thank God I am in a much better space now, otherwise I might have reacted negatively. I chalk it up as projection (clearly they do not have the vagina to live life out loud) and keep it pushing. And thank Allah that I have a hefty life insurance policy.

How much was your trip?

Stay out of my pockets, playa, lol.

What tips do you have for female solo travelers in Costa Rica?

Research the city/village you plan to stay in. How do they dress? What is around? Are there things to do? Is crime heavy? Try to dress the part. The less you look like a tourist, the better. Bring boots or some sort of heavy duty shoe. Cover up!

Walk fast. Yo, keep it pushing. Get to where you are going to get, period. Google maps!

Keep cash in multiple places just in case you are robbed. Let’s be honest…crime happens everywhere and if you look like a tourist, you are in a vulnerable position. Keep cash in your bra, you backpack, your shoe, your pockets. If you are unfortunately robbed, they won’t get to all of those places. I cannot express this enough!

Do not be afraid to speak to strangers. You honestly do not have a choice. I mean, you could sit around and simply not socialize with anyone, but that really is no fun. This trip gave me an opportunity to put myself out there and talk to people in my broken Spanish ways, lol. I was forced to make friends. When I went to yoga, I met three people from Washington D.C all of which were female and in Costa Rica alone – it felt great. Had I not opened my mouth, I would have never met those travelers.

Solo travel means you are not splitting the cost of anything with anyone – it can be costly. Save up for solo trips and accept that you are going to have to drop some bread to enjoy yourself, depending on what you want to do. Luckily, $1 USD = $568.26 colones so I pretty much balled out in that village, lol. Food was cheap. A whole meal could be about 3000 colones, which is only $5.00 in USD. And by whole meal, I mean a whole Red Lobster meal for $20.00. Like, I’m not kidding.

Alcohol – Well, due to recent “deaths” due to Costa Rican alcohol, I was definitely on super high alert. I brought my own American shots to Costa Rica and visited the village market for wine. I only purchased wines that I knew were sold in America and that were not made in Costa Rica as a precaution. I did not drink at any of the bars in Costa Rica when I was out to eat because I had everything I needed at my treehouse. It made sense. Always be safe. I was not too alarmed by the number of deaths considering the millions of people that travel in and out of Costa Rica daily, but still.

Please pack bug spray and sunblock. Listen, the bugs are looking for blood and Costa Rica is way down by the equator. The HEAT HITS DIFFERENT OK. Protect your skin at all times! Plus, there are a lot of questionable bugs that I know bit me, lol.

What were your struggles?

I worry a lot. I’ve always been a worrier as my mom says. When I could learn what it meant to worry, I started lol. I worried about so many things, but I didn’t let it overcome me.

The village was intimidating – at first. But, once I got out there and drove around, I was cool.

My ATV/Quad had major struggles, lol. The first night I went out for dinner at this place called Koji’s and I couldn’t get the damn thing to start or reverse. A man saw me struggling and started walking my way. I’m thinking….OH GOD, it’s over for me, lol. But, he came over and got me on my way. I was grateful and he….was harmless.

I am not super friendly, but I’m not mean. I struggled with walking up to strangers and asking questions. But, I did it. It was awesome and I met some amazing people! 

Interesting thing happened:

On my flight from the United States to San Jose….there was a mother and her small child, maybe 6 or 7 months old, traveling to Costa Rica alone. She happened to be walking by my seat on the plane and started to have a seizure out of nowhere. The flight attendants were asking who could hold the baby and no one wanted to hold the baby. 

This was happening right next to me. 

There was a doctor and two nurses on the flight and they confirmed that she was having a seizure and that we had to let it pass. Mind you, this baby was screaming bloody murder and needed a damn diaper change. Finally, she wakes up and explains that she has never has seizures before and she seemed fine as she grabbed her baby. No less than twenty minutes later, she starts having another seizure and we embark on an emergency landing into San Jose. As for anyone….this gave me major anxiety. I started to think…what will happen to me if I have a seizure? I have no one around. Nobody knows my health history. Anxiety began to really whoop my ass due to this horrible event. I was able to breathe, push through, etc. Prayer, meditation, faith in God, really.  

Summary?

This trip taught me that there is nothing to fear but God. And (as my friend says) that the world is big and you are safe in it. I feel like a new person. I feel refreshed. Renewed. Free. I feel like a got damn beast. I feel strong. Empowered. Powerful. I feel invigorated. I feel sanctified, damn I feel liberated. Ugh. Go for it. Travel solo. I cannot wait to book my next destination and share it with you all.

[chrysaliseuro2019]

We go Slavic

Our brief and enjoyable sojourn in Trieste was over and it was time to head for our hire car and the next stage of the trip. We continued to consider southern Italy (East Coast to the boot) vs our original plan Croatia. Googling various potential stops on the way south in Italy (a trip of at least 1000kms) suggested a lot of naff destinations on the way there. What seemed like acres of beach umbrellas and not so many of the quaint little fishing villages or smaller seaside towns which we found in Greece. In this neck of the woods mass tourism is prevailing it would seem. Still, southern Italy the real goal if that's the way we decide to go ie bypass the North and we can always hit the motorways south to speed up the journey. Croatia seemed to have some of the same problems with some pretty busy places. Anyway step 1 which might end up being the prevailing influence on which way we go was would budget rent-a-car let us move countries with the car at a reasonable price. Liz had a bit of a headache in the morning, may have been the spritz or the marginal glass of rose the night before, so had a snooze while I sussed out trains and buses. It's Sunday so we can get a very cheap train ride to the airport (where we pick the car up). 3.30 euros each. That's about A$11 for the two of us compared to taxi fare of 58 euros/A$100 No brainer and only takes half an hour. A taxi would take longer. Liz managed to make breakfast at the hotel which was the same frenetic scene as the day before and we headed for the station about 150 metres away around 11.45. The train train departed at 12.15 and by 1.00 ish we were in the short queue for the car. Very helpful and friendly Budget guy confirmed that no additional cost for travelling into Croatia or Slovenia and no problem taking the car on a ferry. We are now thinking Croatia first, followed by ferry to southern Italy from possibly Split. As ever we had a cheapo car and they were offering a Fiat Panda. Our bags would not fit in the boot so the budget man helpfully then moved us "up" to a Fiat Punto at no extra cost. Budget like thrifty seem to flog their cars a bit more than hertz so they are a bit older. Our car needed detailing given it was a late switch which he swiftly did (well, he vacuumed and cleaned the windows) and we were off with both bags stowed in the boot section. We were headed for Slovenia first, just to pass through on our way to Croatia. Our Budget man advised that we needed to get a pass for 15 euros for the Slovenian freeways or face a 400 euro fine but we could buy one at any garage en route in Italy. We always, where time permits, avoid freeways in favour of more interesting backroads but "Narelle" the trusty voice of Apple maps seemed to have us on toll roads. The hefty fine very much in mind we headed for the town of Muggia in search of the elusive Slovenian freeway pass as somehow no garages appeared on the first part of our journey. Muggia had a pretty pleasant central section and we tried to stop for lunch but like so many small towns in Italy (at least by the sea) there was nowhere that we could find to park so we continued on our way searching for that damn petrol station. We were following the coast around towards Slovenia which was not far away and feeling frustrated that we couldn't buy the pass. The coast road was one long car park with narrow beaches and cars parked much of the way along as people enjoyed the beach and sea. It was Sunday afternoon so we presumed that that was one cause for the crowds though stinking hot around 33 degrees and quite humid. We got to the border and there was a duty free shop which thankfully sold the pass so we could continue on feeling reassured. Of course it is probably a waste of money as we passed through Slovenia and totally avoided the motorways though the pass lasts for a week so who knows? We laughed to ourselves. At around 3.00 we reached Slovenia (no customs) and around 3.45, after a slowish crawl of 20 -25mins in a traffic jam to get through Croatian customs, we were in Croatia. Not hard to move countries and so quickly. Where to now? We headed for Umag which had good crits on various travel sites and reports. After a couple of circumnavigations of town we were not enthused. As a local said to us a few days later. It's a bit industrial looking - and it was. Obviously some nice sections but we either missed them or it just didn't hang together. We moved on. Liz saw the smaller town of Novigrad (Croatian) or Citinova (Italian) - same place. We headed there. This immediately ticked the buttons it seemed smaller, also on the coast but looked quaint and attractive but also quite lively. Now around 4.15. We decided to stay. We parked up and Liz started looking at booking.com. She quickly identified an apartment with good crits (10/10) at an acceptable if not exactly cheap price and we went for it. Other rooms looked pricier. Obviously a town in some demand. While we were looking for a room we had tried to pay an hour or two's parking so we could deliver our bags to the rooms but it was proving tricky to crack the system. My fault partially as I was inserting 2 Kune (local currency) coins instead of 10 Kune so no wonder a prob. However we were also getting some conflicting advice from s local on whether we should be parking where we were. Luckily we had our eyes peeled and the traffic warden was wandering around booking people so I legged it down and explained that we were still in the process of acquiring (not a word I used with him) - ticket so no prob. Close shave. Meanwhile Liz was communicating with the guy at the apartment who was keen for us to get there so he could hand over the keys and no doubt sorph off for tea. He advised that we could go to a local larger car park and park for 24 hours for about A$10/11. We found the park which was absolutely full. A couple of navigations later we struck lucky and were in but still not sorted. Despite our hosts affirmation that we could pay for 24 hours the ticket machine stubbornly refused to allow anything past midnight. A few patrons were gathered around trying to crack the system to no avail. Luckily I had gone into a bar to ask for some advice and the guy had told me you can go to the parking office around the corner and pay there. Liz was still getting angst from our host who was wondering where the heck we were. All a bit of a farce. I called her to advise of my probs getting my hands on a ticket and got a bit of relayed angst. Anyway, I found the parking office, went in, the guy spoke impeccable English said yes he could help and 1 minute later I'm on my way with a 24 hour parking ticket. They don't make it easy. He said the machine would not allow you to do that even though it indicated it would. Ha! I returned to an agitated Liz keen to get the apartment bloke off our back. We grabbed the bags, backpacks, various other bits and pieces and trundled down to the apartment just 200 metres or so away. It was still stinking hot at around 5.30 so arrived in a lather. We had just wasted an hour or so, really on nonsense. Anyway, all good. Apartment guy was very friendly and helpful. Apartment nowhere near 10/10. He must have got his mates to do the crit. Still, adequate and quite roomy and excellently located right smack in the centre of town. Had to laugh after a few hours on the road I needed to visit the facilities and the cheapo plastic seat on the loo was not affixed properly. I nearly fell in. The whole contraption fell apart later and I had to do a reco. It was not a seat for sitting on really unless you were motionless which seems a real contradiction in terms. We decided to head off promptly so had the quickest of showers and then hit town. A drink was in order and we found a nice bar by the sea. Sunset could be watched and passing promenade of people. A nearby restaurant similarly situated by the sea also looked good and we opted for that. I had the sea bass fillet and Liz crusted Tuna. Bass was magnificent, tuna good but a little less rare than Liz would have liked. Portions quite large though and neither of us could fully finish. The wine is better here than in Greece though they seem to follow the Italian style with measures which are restrained to say the least. Glasses with 0.10 mls. In Greece they give you that as a taster. Though wine basic in Greece. We had a great night, relaxing, good food. Great atmosphere. The town was pretty lively too without being over the top. Post dinner we walked around the little funfair which had dodgems which were hilarious to watch with cars crashing and backing into each other and much jolliment amongst the patrons Also other madcap rides which for us would have seen dinner re-appear. Finally we strolled back along the beachfront sort of up on the prom. Our host had said there was a bar where music was played and we found it. We didn't go in just sat on the wall above it for probably 45 mins listening to the two person female band. Both on guitars and one with a very powerful voice. They sang a variety of love ballads but not schmaltzy, some quite funky and quite a few that you knew but couldn't quite name. Shazam was employed. Really nice end to the evening. One fortuitous thing we did was literally stumble across a little hotel as we wandered around town. The Santa Marija. We asked if they had a room for the following night and yes they did including breakfast. Price acceptable. Smack in town and certainly the establishment looked better than our current joint. We couldn't check the room until the 10.00am the following morning but it was going to be a no-brainer. The lady said she would hold it for us. The next morning Liz was down there just after 10.00 and the deal was sealed. We left our digs not long after and checked straight in at the Santa Marija this was more like a 10/10, the other place - 8.0 based largely on location and certainly not the fragile latrine. Our biggest task now was to find a beach seat. Straight down there and there was plenty of choice at around 11.00. Liz went in search of some breakfast (toasted sandwich) and brought me one to the beach. We just did the usual and read, slept, blogged, watched the passers by and generally chilled for the rest of the afternoon. Heading back to the digs around 6.00pm. Dinner was very pleasant. Different place. Sticking largely to the seafood. Liz the grilled squid which was excellent and me the sea bass with grilled vegetables which was the same. Not really large portions but very rich and very filling. Liz risked the Rose which I had to polish off though was a notch up on Greek offerings. Really friendly waiter too. We had front row seats just off the prom and just soaked it all up. Post dinner bought some ice creams and floated around town ending up above the same bar as last night but different musos tonight. We were in for a treat. 3 man band, good sound and lead singer had a great voice and was the most manic guitar strummer we have ever seen. He set the place alight and second song was of all things " Men at Work - Down Under". The bar was fuller tonight and after each song applause were pretty loud. Of course we loved MOW but plenty more - "Without Love - The Doobie Bros" comes to mind so just lots of rock classics all belted out and the guitar thumping. We headed home pretty happily after a great day. We are realising how much we are enjoying smaller towns rather than the big ticket places. Also we are feeling less inclined to head out of our way to see the Roman ruins etc and other sights unless of major significance. Little villages/ small resort towns are our preference if we can find them. The car is pretty handy here as you can stop or go a you please. Liz did very well sniffing out Novigrad as it really doesn't get too many mentions in travel blurb (including Lonely Planet) yet for us was a gem.

[chelseyroseblog]

PROPER REST TIME DEPENDING ON YOUR FITNESS GOALS

Hi beauties!

|All Photos Shot By www.rionoirland.com |

I would like to start this by saying that I am currently sitting in a coffee bean, SUCCESSFULLY ignoring my massive craving for a bagel with peanut butter right now…just pretending to enjoy this cappuccino with burnt milk, living my best life.

Also - listening to the new Kevin Abstract album, on repeat. Anyone else a fan? Ugh it’s so good.

ANYWAY - I want to talk about rest periods because there’s a lot of contradicting convos going on and I feel like it would help to just clear the air up a bit.

> I have a lot of clients say they want to get a bigger butt or sculpted arms but they don’t want to lift any weight.

> I have other clients who are so used to the quick fast paced environment of fitness classes that they tell me they don’t feel like they’re getting in a good workout unless they sweat a lot but they also don’t feel like they’re getting any stronger in their weekly classes.

> And I have other clients that I train online that just want to know how fast they should be going. How much rest is too much rest? How much rest is actually too LITTLE? What’s the benefit of longer or shorter rest periods?

WELLLL it all depends on your goals, but you can really think about it in 3 separate categories. Let’s start here:

STRENGTH TRAINING

Strength training of course means using weight but today it holds more meaning than just that. If your goal is to build strength faster, then your focus should be on doing strength training workouts. According to ASSM, if you’re looking to get stronger faster, then the best rest time for you is 3-5 minutes between sets.

Keep in mind though that if you’re doing proper “strength” training then you are doing 1-6 reps per set MEANING that you are using a weight that you can literally only lift between 1-6 times before failure. With that said, it’s pretty clear that whatever you’re doing is HARD and heavy af.

During this kind of training, your body uses phosphagens from your ATP system (Adenosine Triphosphate Phosphocreatine System) in order to produce energy VERY quickly without the use of Oxygen (less than 10 seconds).

BUT your body’s phosphagen reserve is like the shitty street light that everyone hates. It lasts for about 15 seconds then takes 3 minutes before it turns green again.

So we use up our reserve within that 15 seconds while we do our 1-6 reps and then if we wait the proper 3-5 minutes before we try to go again, then we’ll be able to lift more weight, and get stronger, faster.

According to Bodybuilding.com :

In one study, athletes lifted a weight more times in 3 sets after resting 3 minutes compared to when they rested only 1 minute (Kraemer, 1997). Another study showed a 7% increase in squat strength after 5 weeks of training with 3 minute rest periods.

The group that rested for 30 seconds only improved their squat by 2% (Robinson et al, 1995). Two more studies that examined very short rest periods (30 to 40 seconds) found they caused nowhere near the strength gains from longer rest periods (Kraemer et al, 1987; Kraemer, 1997)”

MY SUGGESTION:

If you’re looking to build strength in a specific area (like booty for example) then try adding one day a week of STRENGTH TRAINING. Try doing 5 sets of hip thrusts for 5-6 reps, then rest for 3-5 minutes before trying again.

Follow that up with some complimentary exercises like:

3 x 12 Romanian Dead Lifts

3 x 10 Goblet Squats

And then end with some band work and really chase the burn with:

3 x 30 band walks.

UNLESS - you are a beginner. If you are just getting into weight training then you might want to do a month of training where each exercise is done for a rep range of 10-15 to strengthen ligaments and avoid getting hurt.

2. HYPERTROPHY TRAINING:

Who’s heard of this one?!

Hypertrophy training is what you do when you want to get bigger, faster. The rep range for this type of training is typically anywhere from 6-12 reps.

The rest time for this kind of training is 1-2 minutes because this short rest period causes a greater release of anabolic (growth) hormones than longer rest periods. Resting for shorter periods of time also causes more of a burn in the muscles which I’m sure we’ve all experienced. This burn is the sign of lactic acid building up and the “pump” for lack of a better word, is the blood flow to that area, which is actually a great thing because where there’s quicker blood flow - there’s more protein being delivered to that area as well! Woooo!

I think hypertrophy training is my favorite kind of training. You might be thinking, well I don’t WANT to grow my muscles, and I don’t WANT to get BULKY. Fortunately for you, getting bulky is SUPER hard to do. You may think that your training is making you bulky but chances are, it’s your diet that’s throwing you off. Plus - we don’t have nearly enough testosterone to grow the way that men do.

Guys on average have 300 - 1,000 u/dL whereas females only have 30 - 90 u/dL. We’re like delicate little flowers lol and thinking that we’re going to get as bulky as men is like thinking a little flower can turn into a huge palm tree. It’s just not going to happen, unless you’re taking steroids…then, well…we know what that looks like.

True anabolism from hypertrophy training only last about 48 hours which is why for someone who wants to grow their ass, they need to be CONSISTENT and SHOW UP REGULARLY in order to see the kind of results they’re expecting. If you do hypertrophy training 1-2 times a week then don’t do it again for a week, your muscles are just in a maintenance phase rather than a growth phase.

MY SUGGESTION:

Do 2-3 days of hypertrophy training a week with your 1 day of strength training. I make sure to set my timer during rest periods to ensure that I get going again as soon as I need to… or else I end up getting distracted and taking 5 minute rest periods which is no bueno.

3. ENDURANCE TRAINING:

Endurance training is best for anyone who is looking to increase their muscular endurance. This is what most of us ladies are used to with all the classes that we typically attend. As a trainer I know that if I take a women through a endurance style workout that she’s most likely going to do a great job BUT if I were to take a man though the same kind of workout, it would kill them. Men don’t do as much endurance training as they do strength and hypertrophy.

Classic endurance training is when you use light weights for 15-20 reps and rest for 45 seconds to a minute between sets and it’s biggest purpose is to make your muscles more resistant to fatigue. If you want to start applying true endurance training to your workouts, try doing a 1:1 work to rest ratio or a 1:2.

So if you did the 1:1 ratio you would do for example, squats for 30 seconds then rest for 30 seconds. If you did the 1:2 ratio then you would do squats for 30 seconds then rest for 1 min.

MY SUGGESTION:

Add one day of endurance training to your weekly training regime!

So now you can see why if you’re someone like the old me, you’re wondering why your butt ins’t getting any bigger even though you’re going to Orange Theory and Barry’s every day.

Or maybe you can now see why going to Yoga and doing cycling a few times a week isn’t exactly getting you the toned look that you want.

As women we need to work on not being so afraid of the gym and of lifting weights. We don’t have NEARLY the same amount of testosterone that men do so we can get away with doing the “same” training as men and experience great results without looking like a man.

Also something to note is that you can’t spot reduce (burn fat in one particular area on your body) but you can build muscles in specific areas.

So for me, I might do 2 lower body hypertrophy days a week + 1 lower body strength training day and then I’ll do 1 upper body hypertrophy day + 1 full body endurance day.

My main focus isn’t to grow my arms but I never neglect them and I still use heavier weights than most women. I’d say my arms are strong and toned and not bulky. Before when I was using 2-5 pound dumbbells for my upper body, I had flabby arms. Now I curl with a 40 pound barbell, bench with 35’s, do overheads presses with 25 pounds, etc and my arms have done nothing but toned up.

Just try it and see how it benefits you!!

If you feel like you’re lost or would like some personal guidance in the gym, e-mail me at info@chelseyrosehealth.com to talk about your goals and get a personalized work out plan!

x

[newhologram]

I got an interesting transmission yesterday which has already helped shift my perspective. 

So just to be lazy and copypaste some of my spoonie whining from other social media: wow i'm like, fibro flaring, and period about to come, and oh yeah also colitis being a fuckhead, and now i'm so weak and coughing so i'm praying this sudden cold weather has not actually tanked my immune system bc idk if i can handle bronchitis rn aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I haven’t worked in a few weeks because I was still trying to bounce back after the vomiting spell that came before the colitis flare. And I just couldn’t do it. Even with all my supplements, meds, diets, rest, it was like I couldn’t recharge anymore. I was already low because I had just been adjusting to the hot weather change, which always triggers the narcolepsy. I went back to “perpetual feeling of not having slept in 3 days mode” but still made myself work various jobs and do a hell of a lot of errands and work around the house. I stuck to my mush diet as best as I could (cut to me being sick from cheating with 4 crackers) and thought I was at least keeping my energy up enough for cardio every day, even if only 20 minutes. It just snowballed and soon my 10 minute morning walk was making me sweat in 50 degree cloudy weather. 

I was still working in rest breaks and my mega pain management routine and everything. I still couldn’t shut down all the way and get charge. And the thing is, my spinal pain has been pretty manageable lately. I’ve been diligent about doing the rolled up towel traction trick and still soaking in hot water for like 45 minutes a day. The endorphins from cardio plus the California poppy tincture had made such a difference in my nerve pain that I was being super productive. I did not rest as much as I should have in April because without the intense pain that distracts me, I was just so focused. 

I felt so stupid when I realized that if my spine wasn’t giving me trouble, and I was suddenly having all of these intense flu-like symptoms again, then that meant it was the fibro. I hadn’t had a flare like this in a long, long time. Like, almost 2 years maybe? Just this overwhelming malaise. The intense brain fog, so soaked in my own fumes I can’t suck in air. 

And yeah, you dumbass, this is happening because you thought it was smart to go off the guaifenesin to save some money even though it was nowhere near the other more expensive supplements you drain your wallet on. My cells are full of gunk again. I’m a living garbage dump. Thanks to a donation I was able to order some guaifenesin and it’ll get here later this week. I will keep doing what I can until then. 

It’s hard not to be mad, like. I missed a really cool audition because I was literally too sick to handle possibly 2 hours each way in LA traffic. I would have had to wake up at 5am to ensure I could do my morning self-care, bottle-feed the kittens, eat, take supplements, do makeup, then drive 2 hours, spend 30 mins parking, walk all the way to the casting studio, sit in the lobby for anywhere from 7 minutes to 3 hours (not exaggerating, but I’ve also been at 1 audition for 6 hours before). Then perform in an audition for up to 20 minutes depending on if it’s a group thing, an actual scene, an interview, whatever. Then go all the way back home. I would probably honestly be shaking by the time I was back in my car. It happened to me when I worked at Anime Expo. I was shaking so hard I almost puked. 

So I emailed my agent about cancelling my audition, as usual feeling horribly guilty that I was letting my family and my agent and everyone else down by not being able to make it to this audition. I was missing out on a potential job. I was down to $12. Despite my efforts to stay chill, I was getting antsy. 

But I realized if I was desperate enough for that money that I would compromise my health for it, then that right there was a stupidly huge block in my way. So I sat up straight and honored my body’s need for taking it really, really easy right now. Lakshmi energy is “thank you for this blessing, please give me more”. You come from a place of more. You see la vie en or. Blissful jingling gold and fragrant, abundant flowers. Is it a magic cure for anxiety and depression? No, but everybody’s gotta cope (Shimada-san). The end.