#literally only one week in and i already am in desperate need for a break god this school year will kick my ass 😭

[miratamer]

⚠️🚨🚨 Help us survive the starvation in Gaza 🚨🚨⚠️

I know you've seen countless campaigns and may feel overwhelmed or even fed up with sharing them, and I completely understand. I realize that I'm launching this campaign late, but despite everything, I still hold onto the hope that you might be able to support my family. I'm also new to Tumblr and still learning how to reach the people who could help me share my story. 🙏🇵🇸❤️

My name is Tamer Foad, and I’m a 34-year-old father of three beautiful children—Mira (6 years old), Aya (4 years old), and Tameem, who is just one month old. I used to be a GIS engineer, and like any father, I dreamed of providing a warm and secure life for my family. I was also a bodybuilder, once weighing 100 kg. But on October 7, 2023, our lives were forever changed as the war in Gaza erupted, shattering the peace we once knew.

We were forced to flee our home in Gaza City, leaving behind everything we had ever known as the city turned into a battlefield. With nowhere else to go, we ended up in a tent within a crowded refugee camp. Day by day, our situation grew more desperate. As the conflict dragged on, the only crossing border in Gaza was closed, cutting off vital supplies and making life unbearable.

Food prices have skyrocketed, increasing by 600% to 1000%, making basic necessities feel as unattainable as luxury items in New York City. Over the past nine months, I’ve used up every bit of savings I had to keep my family alive. But now, I’m at a breaking point. I can no longer afford to buy food or milk for my newborn son, Tameem. My weight has dropped drastically, from 100 kg to just 71 kg, as we struggle to find enough to eat.

Even water has become a precious commodity. The price of unfiltered water is now $2 for every 10 liters, further adding to our daily challenges.

It is with a heart full of pain and humility that I am launching this campaign. I never imagined I would be in a position where I would need to ask for help in this way, but the reality is that my children’s lives are at stake. The starvation that is gripping our city has already claimed too many lives, and I am terrified that my family could be next.

In the name of humanity and fatherhood, I am imploring you to support my family during this unimaginable crisis. I will be withdrawing any donations every two weeks to immediately buy food and necessities, as we cannot wait for the campaign to reach its goal.

Thank you from the depths of my heart.

@fancysmudges @brokenbackmountain @just-browsing1222 @mothblossoms @aleciosun @serica @fluoresensitive @katherineonline @khizuo @lesbiandardevil @transmutationisms @schoolhater @timogsilangan @appsa @buttercuparry @sayruq @malcriada @palestinegenocide @orbleglorb @sar-soor @akajustmerry @annoyingloudmicrowavecultist @feluka @marnota @tortiefrancis @flower-tea-fairies @tsaricides @riding-with-the-wild-hunt @visenyasdragons @belleandsaintsebastian @ear-motif @kordeliiius @brutaliakhoa @raelyn-dreams @troythecatfish @theropoda @tamamita @4ft10tvlandfangirl @queerstudiesnatural @northgazaupdates2 @skatezophrenic @awetistic-things @baby-girl-aaron-dessner @nabulsi

[paddlescuddlesbubblesgurgles]

so around the start of the summer I ate literally as much as my body could possibly handle every day, every meal. I got in the habit of gorging myself until I could hardly breathe, could not stand or sit or even lay down comfortably, and my belly was aching. I couldn’t even sleep, nor could I really do much of anything but sit there helplessly and gasp or groan at how big I’d gotten, and how full I’d become. This was exactly what I wanted.

I was consuming between 7000-12000 calories a day during this time. This lasted about 2 months or so, maybe 10 weeks. I rarely took a break, and this had…intense consequences on my capacity. I routinely ate things like: entire family sized dinner portions for each component(vegetables, starches, meats). Family sized fast food meal deals(usually about 5 combos worth). 7-8 combos from various fast food places(usually their entire menu). Party sized or tailgater tray offerings from restaurants(usually enough for 10-15 people).

I cannot become full now. No matter what I do, if I’m not eating literally family sized portions, I’m not filled. I can become comfortably satiated after 3-4 meals at once, but my belly constantly yearns for more.

I finally have started experiencing some of the crazy ‘feedism fantasy’ tropes I thought weren’t real (or at least greatly exaggerated due to ya know…writing lol). Things like

I literally can get hunger pangs WHILE MY STOMACH HAS A REASONABLE AMOUNT OF FOOD INSIDE. I’m talking I’ve already eaten a heavy plate that is literally 3-4lbs of food. Gone. Inside me. But my belly has the NERVE to growl around it and demand more food.

Sometimes I become anxious when the only amount of food available to me is a normal serving size (this is honestly the hottest. I’m talking whiny, worried, needy feelings because I only got enough food for 1 person.)

i crave eating 24/7, or for long periods. I catch myself daydreaming about sitting down with enough food for a large gathering, and stuffing it all inside myself for literal hours. I’m not kidding, I want to eat for 6-8 hours straight of almost nonstop consumption. I just want to sit down, lean back with my gut supported by my lap or my couch, and stuff it so completely full. I would prefer if my primary activity for the day was eating.

hunger and arousal are now so completely linked I almost cannot experience one without the other…which means I’m hungry and horny pretty much unceasingly. Constantly my mind goes back to sex and eating. I’m literally just daydreaming in the background about when I will get to open my mouth next.

I’ve now eaten many of the feeding fantasy portions. Family meals, party trays, entire cakes, multiple entire pizzas, entire trays of baked goods, entire boxes of cakes, a box of donuts, entire pies, and generally levels of excess that I can only describe as obscene.

This has caused me to really fatten up. I gained 40 or so lbs from the end of March to the middle of July. I also happened to do this without an encouraging, physical, coercive or forceful feeder, which means if I were to have these (what I desperately crave), I imagine I would reach new capacity heights. I primarily eat for fullness. I love that food drunk fullness feeling where my entire body stops functioning properly. I love feeling like all I can literally do is let my belly do its thing and process all the food I gave it. I’m desperate for it. I constantly crave it. The weight gain is an unintentional but welcomed side effect of my incessant gorging.

I cannot wait for my next opportunity. I have so many ideas. Will I finally try 3 pizzas? Will I try to eat more foot longs than I am tall? Will I make myself an entire family banquet and then greedily try and eat it myself? I need to do it soon. I can’t keep eating enough for 6-7 people each day…I need more, and I need it all at once.

[cosmichorrorsarestillnicerthanme]

meh why not. Honkai Star Rail X reader incorrect quotes when you have the time because I forgot you wrote for them.

I had a blast with this. Also, a special thanks to @tragedy-of-commons for reading these over.

Now! Your Wish Is My Command! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Natasha: You need to stop drinking so many energy drinks. Seele: You're one to talk. Natahsha: The last patient who refused to stop drinking energy supplements after I suggested it died. Seele: Oh no. Natasha: In a car crash. You: That sounds unrelated. Natasha: I’m the one who crashed it. Do not disobey me.

You: Why do you two like being out in the rain so much? Screwllum: I like splashing in the puddles and rain is just fun! Ruan Mei: I'm trying to get hit by lightning for my research.

Sparkle: I’ve been here in jail so long I think I’ve lost my mind. Sparkle: The days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months. Sparkle: How long have I been in here now? Almost a year? You: …This is Monopoly.

You and Asta: Madam Herta, help! We did a bad thing! Herta: Does it affect me? You and Asta: Not technically— Herta: Then suffer in silence.

You: Do you know a turtle's greatest weakness? Ruan Mei: How slow they are? You: No, their only weakness is that they can get stuck on their back. Ruan Mei: What if you taped two turtles together? They'd be unstoppable, correct? You: … Ruan Mei: … Ruan Mei: …I will be back shortly You: Ruan Mei, NO—

You: Died and came back as a cowboy, I call that reintarnation. Archeon: Laughs -Elsewhere- Boothill: I suddenly feel like strangling someone.

You: I need some help dealing with a problem, do you have any suggestions? Jingliu: Sword. You: Do you have any other suggestions? Jingliu: …Two swords.

You: Do you have any idea how many laws you're breaking on a daily basis? Silver Wolf: One? You: No. Silver Wolf: Two? You: No. Silver Wolf: …Is it one?

You: why are you following me? Kafka: because we’re dating now You: okay… what about the rest of you? Kafka: we’re a package deal Silver Wolf, walking next to the rest of the Stellaron hunters while burying her face in a game and Blade maneuvering her to avoid hazards like light poles: buy one idiot, get several free

You: Do you want to play 20 Questions? Firefly: Sure! You: What's your favorite color? Firefly, laser fucking focused: Triangle. Will you go out on a date with me?

Kafka: I love making short jokes about Wolfie. You: They go right over her head. Silver Wolf, standing on a step stool: Fuck you.

Blade, reading the note in the lunch packed for him by you and Kafka: the path to inner peace starts with four words Blade: not my fucking problem Blade: Narrows Eyes I think this one is for Firefly

Firefly, reading the note in the lunch packed for her by you and Kafka: Please, for the love of the Aeons, be good. We know your love language is acts of service. We also know your only skill is stabbing people. Firefly: Tilts Head To The Side I… believe this is for blade…

You: I love my personal space You point to the Silver Wolf latched onto your back You: this is Wolfie. Wolfie also loves my personal space.

You: Why are you smiling Blade? Blade: Am I not allowed to be happy? Kafka: Of course you are Bladie… It’s just that you being happy, usually means someone’s lost their life… or a limb.

Pom Pom: I typed "bitch" into my GPS and guess what? I'm in your driveway. The Express Crew, desperately trying to avoid spring cleaning after the last "Incident": … Pom Pom: Choo Choo motherfuckers, come out already.

Stelle, waving at the crew as she steps onto the express after being splattered by a small army of stings: hello. Himeko: i- Welt: we literally saw you die. Dan Heng: you died. March 7th: you're dead. Stelle, shrugging: death is a social construct.

You and Stelle: some fools be like “I play games to escape my responsibilities” then pick tank or healer Welt: In my greatest fantasies I am able to help people Dan Heng: In my fantasies I can prevent people from being hurt, even if it means I get hurt in their stead Himeko: In my fantasies I don’t have to know how to aim March 7th: In my fantasies I control who lives and who dies

You standing at the top of the stairs: What are y'all doing at the bottom of the staircase? Ruan Mei: I accidentally fell down. Herta: RUAN MEI PUSHED ME down the stairs because I refuse to pay HER part of our rent! Screwllum: Ruan Mei bet me fifty Credits that I couldn't reach the bottom of the stairs faster than she did falling down it, so I slid down the banister to get my money. Dr. Ratio: I don't know how I got here. One moment, I was sleeping in my bed, three floors up, and several galaxies away and then suddenly I was waking up here, just in time to get crushed by Screwllum.

You: Do you think different paints have different tastes? Ruan Mei: They do. Herta: …Why did you say that with such certainty?

Dr. Ratio, talking to You and Topaz: Well, whenever I’m about to do something, I think ‘would Aventurine do that?’ and if they would, I do not do that thing. You and Topaz: … Aventurine: I know I should be offended, but he's not wrong.

Silver Wolf talking about you: How do you feel about Them, Firefly? Firefly, vibrating at a frequency high enough to shatter a glass: I love Them a normal amount.

You and the Stellaron Hunters sitting in jail together You: So who should we call? Silver Wolf: I’d call Blade, but I feel safer in jail

You: When do you usually go to sleep? Blade: Whenever I collapse is entirely up to the Aeons. Kafka: My body will pass out when it's ready Kafka and Blade: high five You: angry staring (edited)

Firefly: Good News! The store had blueberry bagels! Bad news, the cream cheese died… or became more alive… It is the wrong amount of alive.

Tingyun, after being caught lying in bed with your shirt on: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt. You: Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.

Yukong: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers? You: Peonies, why? Yukong: … You: Were you going to get me flowers? Yukong: … You: … Yukong, under her breath: It's a possibility…

Quingque: I owe you one. You: That’s ok. You can just date me and we’ll call it even.

Blade: walks in to see you and Firefly sitting on the couch facing away from each other. Blade: I know I will more than likely regret asking, but what's going on there? Firefly, gaming: They're having a fight. Blade, confused: Then why are they holding hands? Kafka, playing with her Cat: Fighting makes them sad.

Natasha: Why are there little handprints all over the wall? You, whispering to The Moles: Why are there little handprints all over the wall? The Moles: Because we have little hands. You: *Nods Sagely Before Turning To Natasha* You, with a smile: Its because The Moles have little hands

You, when Wildfire was just starting: Natasha, sweetie, the love of my life, all you have is a handful of impoverished shantytowns paying us protection money. We're basically slum lords.

Natasha: And what's the main rule we have? Julian: Don't dare The Leader Of The Moles, Dark Hook The Great to do stupid stuff. You: And why's that? Hook with her head stuck between two stair rails: Because I have no regard for my personal well being.

[idkwhatimdoinghere1655]

8/9/19 - Charles Leclerc

<word count - 2869>

You were sat in your seat in the stands, and you had literally paid your last cent to be there. The week before, Charles Leclerc had won in Spa, and you had booked a plane ticket, a hotel room and a seat at the Italian Grand Prix in Monza as soon as you turned the TV off.

Yes, it was only his first year with Ferrari, but you knew Charles was special, and so was this weekend. You knew he was going to do great things, and you thought this weekend was going to be one of them.

He had the whole Tifosi behind him, and the stands were like a sea of scarlet. On the formation lap, he waved to the crowd and you couldn't believe that you were actually there. Excitement fizzed in your veins and anticipation was bubbling in your chest.

They were off before you knew it, and you saw as Mercedes constantly trying to overtake him. Lewis and Valtteri were on his tail constantly, and they didn't want him anywhere near the front of the pack.

But your thoughts about him were right, he was special, and he did everything perfectly. Every move, every turn, every break and acceleration were pulled off immaculately, and having the crowd around you added to the magic even more.

They cheered every time Charles defended his position, and they were just as on edge as you were. Here they came, hurtling down the main straight, and there was silence until everyone's eyes simultaneously turned to the scoreboard, the checkered flag popping up to his name first, then Lewis and Valtteri.

Everyone jumped to their feet, screaming and cheering. The girl next to you pulled you into a hug and you had never even talked to her for the whole time you had been here. You hopped in each other's arms, unable to articulate how you truly felt.

You all had the same idea as you scrambled out of your seats and sprinted to the podium. You and the girl were holding hands as you ran there, needing to be front and center as Charles collected his trophy.

You had gotten pretty close to the front with her, and you were even more excited for this than you were for the race. Then finally, they announced your top three drivers, and Charles stood proudly on his top podium position.

The big, beaming smile on his face was priceless, and you wanted to freeze time and stay there forever. All you could see around you was the striking red of the Scuderia, and you were all desperate for the Monegasque and Italian anthems to be over.

He was handed his trophy, and he hoisted it in the air as you screamed and clapped as loud as you physically could. Your cheeks hurt from smiling so much, and you could already feel your voice going hoarse.

Seeing him up there, shining in the sun of glory, just felt so right. It was like a King addressing his loyal people, and that was what you were. Seeing the red on the top spot of the podium was something you desperately wanted to get used to.

They were allowed to open their champagne after a while, and you were just close enough that you felt a few droplets of it splash on your face. There was confetti and champagne falling from the sky, and you could have swore you made eye contact with him for a split second.

It was just a second, not even that, but there was no mistaking those dazzling green eyes looking at you with all the joy in the world. It wasn't for you, but it might as well have been. This was officially the best day of your life, and you would remember this for the rest of your life.

Once Charles had retreated back inside, the fans were still buzzing and took a while to move with their flags and signs, giving you chance to talk to the girl who you had been holding onto for dear life for a while.

"Well hello," you smiled at her, but then immediately feared she didn't speak English. Your Italian wouldn't be enough to get by. "Hi, how are you?" she breathlessly said, taking a moment to compose herself after the madness that had just unfolded.

"I am brilliant, how are you?" you said, not releasing her hand from yours.

"I'm great, what's your name?" she smiled. She was stunning, with deep brown eyes and the most rich, chocolatey brown hair. "I'm Y/N, what about you?"

"I'm Adriana, I flew from Spain just to watch the race and it has paid off amazingly!" she giggled as the crowd slowly started to move towards the exit. "I flew from home to be here too! And I am so glad I did," you gushed, and you were still holding hands as you walked.

"I think today was the best day of my life," you muttered, everything that had happened was slowly sinking in. "Yeah, so do I," she agreed as your legs carried you aimlessly around the paddock. "Do you want to go out tonight to celebrate?" she asked, eyes wide.

"Yeah, I think that'd be great," you said, glad to have someone to celebrate this momentous occasion with you. "I know the best places around here, I come every year," she told you.

"Where's your hotel?" You asked.

"It is just around the corner, you can come back with me, you look like the same size as me," she gushed, and you already felt like you had found a close friend while you were here. "Sounds great," you smiled, completely ignoring everything you had been told about stranger danger in the past.

You walked into Adriana's hotel room, and it was bigger than yours and had plenty of space for the two of you to get ready in. "The closet is there, pick out whatever you want," she smiled, "I'm going to do my hair," she said, retreating into the bathroom.

Adriana's clothes were beautiful, and it was hard for you to pick just one thing to wear tonight. You ended up with a curve hugging, sequin covered gold dress that made you stand out from a mile away. And that was exactly what you wanted.

"And I thought that dress looked awful on everyone, turns out I was wronger than wrong," Adriana complimented, coming out of the bathroom with her hair and makeup already done. "Thanks, your clothes are stunning,"

"I try, I try. Can I do your hair? Please," she said, gently tugging you towards the vanity mirror that had a seat in front of it. "Sure," you said, sitting down at the mirror and looking at yourself. "OK, I have an idea," she said, softly teasing your hair out of the bobble that held it in place and grabbing two pieces from the front.

She braided them and brought them together behind your head. "Can I do your makeup too?" she asked, putting her hands on your shoulders. "As long as I get to pick what you wear," you bargained, and a smile formed on her face. "Deal," she said, lunging for the makeup on the table.

Adriana didn't hold back on the gold glitter over your eyes, and a gold shimmer on top of the soft blush on your cheeks. You both opted for the red lipstick as a homage to Ferrari from your day, and you were all done.

"Dress time!" You laughed, striding over to the wardrobe and scanning your eyes over the garments that she had in there. There was only one option, and you pulled it off the hanger and threw it at her.

It was a lot like yours, but in blue and green that twisted and mixed around her body. It really suited her skin tone and darker features, and she had already done her eyes in a light blue anyway, so the dress matched perfectly.

After some time, you were both ready and she lead you to the club you'd be celebrating at. The strobe lights fazed across the room as they moved over the grinding bodies of people dancing to the loud music.

"Dance with me chica!" Adriana yelled, dragging you into the mass of bodies and pulling you against her. Eventually, you had danced to the other side of the crowd and were on the edge of the dancefloor.

You couldn't help but feel a pair of eyes tracing up and down your figure as you swayed your hips to the music. You turned, but all you could see was the red rope that forbade people from going into the VIP section without access.

"I'm going to get a drink!" You yelled to Adriana, untangling yourself from the hoarde and making your way to the bar. Just as you could finally catch one of the bartenders eyes, the other bartender handed you what looked like a mojito.

"Sorry, I didn't order this," you said, pushing it back towards him.

"From the gentleman over there," he said, pointing you in the direction of a guy at the other end of the bar. He waved as you looked at him, but you couldn't make out his features. You held your glass up as a cheers, before taking a sip. You pointed over to the corner so that he knew where you'd be, and you went to sit down for a second.

You could already feel your skin feeling sticky with sweat as the club was boiling. Loads of bodies mashed together, respiring to keep going. Someone sat down in front of you, and you were slightly disappointed to see Adriana, a drink in her hand. "Let's raise a glass to Ferrari on three Y/N!" She shouted, getting ready to cheers. "3,2,1,"

"He won in Spa, he wins in Monza!" You both chanted, people casting you glances of confusion. Yet again, you felt a pair of eyes lingering on you, but you turned to see nothing but the shadowy figures in the VIP section. One of them raised a hand and sent a wave towards you, and the figure was the same one as at the bar.

You waved back, and this caught Adriana's attention. "Oooh, someone caught your eye?" She smirked.

"Just some guy who bought me a drink, he's through there somewhere," you said, pointing over to the VIP section.

"You wanna dance again? He might come to see you," she giggled, finishing off her drink as she stood from her seat. You nodded, finishing off your mojito as you shot a cheeky wink into the VIP section, having a feeling that he was watching you.

You danced with Adriana, laughing as you playfully grabbed each others hips. You had only known her for a few hours, but it felt like you had known her for years. Suddenly, she stopped moving completely and her eyes grew wide in surprise.

You felt a pair of hands firmly grip your waist and pull you back against the owner's chest. "Give yourself a minute, because I think you'll die," Adriana leant forward and whisper-shouted in your ear. She danced away through the crowd as you carried on swaying with the stranger.

The suspense would kill you if you waited any longer, so you turned around in the stranger's grip. You couldn't believe your eyes and your heart stopped thumping in your chest, the only vibrations pulsing through you being the drum of the bass in the music.

"You do like mojitos, right?" He smirked that dazzling smile and gazed at you with those emerald eyes you had seen directly in yours for a millisecond earlier that day. You opened your mouth to speak but no words came out. "Yeah, I do," you spluttered, tentatively placing your hand on either shoulder.

"What's your name, pretty girl?" He asked, pulling your arms over his shoulders so your forearms rested on his shoulders. This felt more natural as you felt his hands slightly shift on your waist. You could feel the warmth of him through the fabric of your dress. "I'm Y/N," you stuttered, trying to snap out of the stupor that was convincing you that he was stood here, dancing with you.

"Well Y/N, I'm Charles and you are absolutely stunning," he smiled, pulling you as close as you could. "What would you say if I asked you and your friend to come and spend some time with me and my friends?" He asked, and you could tell he was just asking. It didn't feel like he was trying to pressure you, and he wouldn't take it personally if you said no.

There was no chance in hell that you were saying no.

"Yeah, sounds great. I'll go get her," you said, and you saw that smile again. And you had put that on his face. You had. And that feeling was unlike anything else.

"OK, come straight through, we're the only ones in there. They guys will let you in. We'll see you in a bit,"  he said, winking at you. You nearly melted on the spot and you still couldn't believe it was happening. "Oh my fucking god Y/N!" Adriana screamed, shaking your shoulders, "That was Charles Leclerc! He just danced with you,"

"And we're going to the VIP section with him and his friends!" You screamed, the two of you squealing and jumping up and down. You grabbed her hand and dragged her through to the red rope. "Sorry ladies, no passes, no entry," the burly bouncer said, stepping in your way. Adriana looked at you in panic, but you had already spotted your knight in shining armour coming to your rescue.

"Hey, they're with me," Charles said, unclipping the rope and standing aside for you. "Ladies first," he said, letting you through.

"Thank you," you smiled, walking through as he slung an arm around your shoulder. There was a dance floor in the VIP section, but it only had a few of Charles' friends on it. "Can I get a drink for you lovely ladies?" One of Charles' friends came over to you.

"I'll come with you," Adriana said, latching onto the blonde guy's arm.

"I'll get you a drink in a bit, but do you want to dance?" Charles asked, moving his arm from your shoulder to your waist. His touch was like electricity and there were sparks every time his fingertips brushed over your skin. "You think I'm going to say no?" You laughed, taking his hand and pulling him there quicker.

"I hoped you wouldn't," he said, pulling you in close again. His fingers trailed over your waist and down to your hips as they roamed your body. The music was quieter here, so it allowed you to think better.

You had seen him earlier, celebrating a win that would go down in the history books as one of the greatest, and now you were here, dancing with him with his hands on you. "Could I just," he started, leaning down. 

He didn't need to finish his request, you already knew what he wanted, and you were happy to give it to him. You closed the gap between your lips, and his were soft, gentle. You wanted to pinch yourself, just to make sure this wasn't some dream.

But when you pulled back and saw the look in his eyes, you knew you weren't dreaming. It was like your hearts beat to the same drum. His eyes flitted around your face, searching for any sign of discomfort or unwillingness.

Instead, he was met with a huge, insuppressible grin. He dove back in again, with more hunger, with more passion as you tangled your fingers in his hair. "Come back with me?" He asked, and it sounded more like he was pleading with you. 

"Let me tell Adriana I'm going, OK?" You nodded, and he let you go without a second thought. It had only just dawned on his where he recognised you from. He had seen you at the race. That meant you already knew who he was.

Well, he should have guessed that by the reaction he received from you when you first saw him. It was something about the bright scarlet on your lips that made him crazy. 

"Hey Adriana? I'm going back with Charles now," you told her, finding her draped over Charles' blonde friend. She had a dazed look on her face, and you could tell they were both drunk out of their minds. "I'll text you tomorrow, alright?"

"Yeah, enjoy," she giggled, winking at you. "Hey, Y/N, what day is it?" she slurred, obviously not in the state of mind to be asking normal questions. You glanced over to the door, where you saw Charles. 

He was leant against the wall, his crisp shirt slightly wrinkled and his jacket slung over his shoulder. You still couldn't believe he was there, and you were going home with him. He smiled that smile that could melt your heart in an instant, and you thanked your lucky stars.

Someone was certainly watching out for you that night. 

You pulled your phone out of your bag, and you couldn't help but smile as you saw the 8/9/19 at the top. "This is the best day of my life,"

A/N - Mercedes threw everything at him, Charles Leclerc has coped brilliantly! HE WON IN SPA, HE WINS IN MONZA! CHARLES LECLERC HAS WON THE 2019 ITALIAN GRAND PRIX!

Yes, that was the best day of my life.

(P.S Suggestions are open 💖)

|masterlist|

[holdmytesseract]

Hey bestiee, How are you doing?

It been soo long I know 😅, how about loki taking care of the reader while she is struggling with studying for exams?

No pressure!

Lots of love❤

Professor Laufeyson

Loki Laufeyson x fem!Reader

Summary: Loki makes sure you take a break during studying. Being the supportive boyfriend he is, he even helps you study - kinda.

Warnings: studying? some stress, slight panic, fluff and a lot of sexy stuff/steamy hot times/suggestive smut

Word Count: 1,9k

a/n: I have now two weeks off! Yaaay! 🥳 And to celebrate that, I'm gonna give you this... And this turned out smuttier than I thought, but well... 👀 I'm not complaining - and I'm certain you guys are not complaining as well. 👀 Enjoy! Especially you, my friend @simping-for-marvel !

P.s. I hope you all's 'muscle memory' is working, 'cause there's a scene in there who is even better when you're able to connect the dots. 😏

Tagging: @km-ffluv @lokisgoodgirl @eleniblue @lulubelle814 @muddyorbsblr @loz-3 @vbecker10 @jennyggggrrr @lokisninerealms @mochie85 @chantsdemarins @peaches1958 @multifandom-worlds @fictive-sl0th @theaudacitytowrite @lovingchoices14 @simping-for-marvel @stupidthoughtsinwriting @vanilla-daydreaming @lou12346789 @kimanne723 @linaax @coldnique @lady-rose-moon @acefeather2002 @aagn360 @ijuststareatstuffhereok89 @iamlokisgloriouspurpose @kikster606 @somewiseguy @huntress-artemiss @lunarnights95 @fire-treasure-iii @zippythewondersquirrel @alexakeyloveloki @goblingirlsarah @lokiforever @bunny24sstuff @anukulee @valencia-rou @itsybitchylittlewitchy @meowmeow-motherfucker @chokeanddagger @smolvenger

Masterlist °☆• Loki Masterlist

"Ugh..." You groaned; rubbing your temples with both hands. Why was studying such a pain in the ass? Why am I even doing this to myself? You asked yourself; on the verge of despair. Right... Because my stupid ass wanted to become a teacher...

Reminding the words of your best friend - no pain, no gain - you took a deep breath and kept on going. You tried so hard to get the information of the various texts and formulas inside your head - but you couldn't. Your brain was already so stuffed full and fogged up, you couldn't do that anymore. It was like trying to squeeze your foot in a way too small shoe.

Impossible.

And hence, the stuff you had to learn for the exam wasn't even difficult! 'Just' some basic knowledge! You should know that already! But right now, you felt like you couldn't even calculate what was one plus one...

Another desperate groan left your lips. It didn't help. You needed to keep going. You had to.

Unbeknownst to you - yet, summoned the groan which left your lips your boyfriend, who was just down the hall in the living room; casually sitting on the sofa, reading. His ears literally perked up at the sound of his lover seemingly falling into despair. Closing his book shut, he stood up and made his way towards your little study.

Knocking gently on the door, "Darling?" Loki stepped cautiously inside - only to find you hunched over your desk; almost tearing your hair out. The god's eyebrows slanted. Seeing you like this caused his heart to ache - and he knew exactly what the problem was... "Darling..." He said once more; approaching you. "Y/N..." The moment his gentle hands touched your back; you flinched. You were so zoned out and lost inside the impossible task ahead, that you didn't even notice Loki.

"Shhh, my love, it's just me." You turned around in your chair to face him; forcing a smile on your face. "Hey..." You saw the look on his face, and before he could say something, you lunged forward to kiss him.

Then you quickly turned in your chair again and focused on the notes in front of you. Loki said nothing, just watched you 'work' for a few minutes. His gaze was critical. Something you didn't notice.

Suddenly you felt his hands on your back again, but this time, they were sliding lower; coming to rest on your hips. He leaned in closer; causing you to feel his warm, minty breath against the shell of your ear. "You need a break, darling. I can see that."

You immediately shook your head. "I can't, Lokes. I have to keep on studying. Unless, I won't pass the exam." Your boyfriend's eyebrow lifted - also something you weren't able to see, before he started to smile mischievously.

He leaned even closer; pressing his lean, but strong chest against your shoulder blades. He started to kiss and gently nip on the skin of your neck. You knew what he was trying now - and you tried with all your willpower to resist, but when Loki started to softly bite you, only to soothe the stinging pain with his cool tongue, your walls were crumbling down. You closed your eyes; fighting the urge to moan. "L-Loki, s-stop, I-" "Oh, no, no..." He interrupted you; grip tightening on your hips. "You're taking a break, darling. Now. I don't want you to have a breakdown. Come on." His words were stern, yet filled with love. He only wanted the best for you - and you knew it. So, you gave in. You would've given in anyway, if he'd have continued to kiss you like that...

Sighing with a nod, you turned around in the chair once more and let your boyfriend scoop you up into his arms.

Loki carried you out of the study and into the living room, where he let you down gently on the sofa. "I'll make you some tea, alright? You need to stay hydrated. That's very important - and like I know you, you haven't drunk enough water today." Your cheeks reddened softly. You gave him an apologetic smile; subtly telling him that he was right. The god just shook his head, "Oh my love..." before he disappeared into the kitchen.

About ten minutes later, he returned with a steaming cup of tea and a big glass of water. "Water to stay hydrated; tea for relaxation." He handed you the water first - which you gulped down within seconds. You definitely needed that. Placing the tea on the little table beside the sofa, Loki joined you. It was an invitation for you to immediately cuddle close against him. The god welcomed you with opened arms and a soft chuckle. "And you said you didn't want to take a break..." "Well... You never said that the break included cuddling with you..." You answered; while burying your face in his shoulder. "Study breaks always include cuddles." Loki argued; pulling you closer and pressing a kiss on your head. "Rest now, my love." And you did.

Just when you were on the verge of dozing off, the doorbell rang. "I'll get it." Loki immediately said; gently shoving you off of him and standing up. No five minutes later, he returned with two white boxes, causing your eyes to widen. "You ordered pizza?" Your boyfriend smiled; joining you once again. "Of course, I did, my love. You haven't eaten much today - and your body needs food to keep the energy up. Means in conclusion. No food, no concentration, and without concentration no studying." You dug immediately in the pizza; smiling brightly. "You're the best, baby. Thank you so much." "Anything for you, darling."

The cuddling resumed after the delicious meal you and Loki had - and it came how it had to come... You dozed off; slept in on Loki's comfortable chest - which caused you to wake up in a bit of panic, since you wanted to use way more of this day to study...

"Ohh fuck..." You cursed, as you looked on your watch. Your shifting and moving woke up the god as well, of course. "Darling, what-" "I wanted to take more time to learn and now we dozed off... It's almost 8 p.m!" You wanted to stand up, but Loki stopped. "Y/N... Don't panic, alright? We got this. I'll help you."

You frowned at his words. Help me? How? With a snap of his fingers appeared your notes in his lap. "Lay back down, my love. Get comfortable. Relax and just listen."

Loki knew how much you loved his voice. That was one reason why he always read to you. Now, he'd make use of this to help you study - and oh boy, nothing - absolutely nothing could've prepared you for this...

Your boyfriend cleared his throat and started to read your notes to you. "Einstein's theory of relativity is E equals mc squared." You blinked as soon as the formula had slipped past his lips. "This means that energy equals mass, times the speed of light... squared." Loki lowered his voice into an almost rough, husky tone, causing your whole body to sizzle. Never before had someone made math sound so sexy. It was obscenely erotic... And it was just the beginning...

"The Pythagorean equation is a squared plus b squared equals c squared. This means that for all right-angled triangles, the square on the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares on the other two sides." The god continued; watching from the corner of his eyes, how you shifted almost uncomfortably beside him. The way you squeezed your legs together didn't slip his notice either. He smirked. Just how he wanted.

You were positively a hot, aroused mess at the end of his 'reading session'. How could you not? The way he accentuated the words literally caused your ovaries (and various other things) to explode...

"PI is the circumference divided by the diameter of any circle. It's impossible to know the exact value, but PI is approximately 3,1-" Before Loki could finish to read the last note, you interrupted him. You just couldn't take it anymore. He definitely helped you to anchor the formulas inside your brain, but maths was the last thing you could think about now.

You turned around and quickly snatched your notes out of the god's hands.

"Darling, what...?" Your boyfriend feigned innocence, but the mischievous glimmer in his eyes betrayed him. Literally throwing the paper sheets away on the other side of the sofa, you bit your lip. "We need to test my knowledge, baby, and not just 'read through it'." You said, placing both your palms on his thick, muscular, grey sweatpants clad thighs; rubbing them up and down. Loki got the hint, of course and smiled smugly. "Ahh, I see. You are absolutely right, darling. We should definitely test your knowledge." "Mhh, we should. Ask me a question and I tell you the answer." "Glady," Loki purred; enjoying your touch so close to where he wished your hands to be.

"What's the formula for Einstein's theory of relativity?" You smiled; not stopping your hands from caressing his clothed thighs. "Easy. E equals mc squared." Loki nodded, before he had to suppress as small groan as your hands almost hit home. "Mhm...V-Very good, darling. N-Next question."

"What is the meaning of the Pythagorean equation?" You bit your lip again. "It means that for all right-angled triangles, the square on the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares on the other two sides - almost like this triangle here," you whispered seductively and smiled; while the tip of your pointer finger traced the obvious tent in Loki's sweatpants. It caused the god to shiver; breath hitching in his throat. He definitely needed a moment to recover from that sudden, delicious move - but then, he smirked. "Indeed. Although I believe that it's going to be an even more perfect triangle in just a few minutes." You couldn't help the small giggle which escaped your lips. "Oh, I absolutely believe that. What's next, professor Laufeyson?"

The term you just used send Loki's arousal almost skyrocketing. His jaw clenched; hands turning to fists. He needed more. More friction. More contact. More you. So, he reached out his arms; hands landing on your sides - and before you could do or say something against it, Loki had pulled you in to sit on his lap. You moaned; feeling more now as well.

"The last question is," your boyfriend started; tightening his grip on your hips. "For what do you need PI?" "C-Circles," you gasped; palms landing on his strong chest to steady yourself. "Circles?" Loki asked further. You nodded half-heartedly and started to move your hips - in a circle, making the both of you groan. "Mhhh, yesss..." Loki hissed; throwing his head back and exposing his neck to you. His veins pulsated; raven curls spilling over the back rest of the sofa. "Exactly, darling. You did perfectly - but I'd like to... deepen our studying a bit. Preferably without our clothes on." You smiled and leaned in to place a sloppy kiss on his lips. "Ohh, what a tempting offer, professor... I'd love that."

Now you were (still) laying on the sofa, but on your side, with Loki's naked chest pressed against your bare back. He had his arm protectively slung around your middle and was fast asleep. You could tell by his deep and even breathing.

You pulled the blanket Loki's seidr had manifested around the both of you closer; bathing in the warmth Loki and the cosy blanket offered. Your notes were still laying abandoned on the other side of the sofa and they would probably stay there until tomorrow morning. Well... That wasn't exactly how you planned this, but yeah... You didn't complain either. Maths could be indeed sexy.

[lavena]

Since I am so incredibly desperate for tmnt fic recs, here I am supplying mine. All of these i HAVE READ AT LEAST 3 TIMES

pretty much all Mikey centric and jsyk every one I recommended I reread b4 posting this. Sorry If I repeat any, this took me over a week, college is kicking my butt and midterms are next week, kill me. If you have any you red please lmk either in comments or with rb I need the ficss guys please I am desperate.

On AO3

Train-wreck of thought by halogalopagost

A beautiful 2003 tmnt where Mikey is having trouble meditating and gets some tips from his dad and brothers, he struggles with his ADHD, he over comes it and turns out there is a lot more to this meditating than he thought. he intends to use it to his advantage.

The Legend of the Heiwa no Buki by abz_the_turtle

2012 Mikey is pure of heart and turns out that causes some problems for him, his brothers and a certain bother in blue from the future

exhaust trails through space by SpectrumWriting

2012 B team realizes they really need a break, after a fight between Leo and Donnie, B team pull a few favors and go to visit a few planets, look at some extraterrestrial inventions and get to see a festival of food. Each brother learns new things about each other and finally get to take a few deep breaths.

Surface Pressure by TheKeyBladeMaster1994

Mikey watched Encanto and something abut their family feels familiar. Honest to go so good, it is unfinished and only at 3 chapters but it is 32k words and by god if it isnt one of the best books I have read over 5 times already, featuring mikey being a helpful little brother and managing to stress his big brothers out in the proccess.

Pretend That I Never Left by redstingraven (sirimiri)

2003 Mikey gets taken into the Horizon Zero Dawn universe rather than the superpowered turtle universe in the SAINW episode. Positively glorious, he gets bashed and bruised and comes out the other end with an arrow sticking out of him.

All The Small Things by taizi @taizi

2012 Donnie gets deaged and Mikey gets to be a big brother. Positively adorable, Mikey is an enabler and the poor toaster will never be the same, plus just the right amount of angst to make me squeal.

Underdark by Nekotsuki

2003 Mikey and Leo and stuck in the sewers after a collapse, both are hurt and oh looky here it seems Leo has fainted and Mikey is panicking, it would be great if he could take a full breath to hyperventilate with.

We've been here all along by Taizi

Beautiful 2007 tmnt, Mike gets shot, worries about making Donnie abandon him, Casey says fuck that.

walk with open hands by taizi

Mikey can't get over his fathers death and knows his brothers cant get over it either, and he is going to do something about it, been if it almost costs him everything. Was originally 1 chapter, but a second chapter from Splinters POV makes everything gorgeous.

traveling so far to get there by taizi

different age turtles, 2012 universe, Mikey and Raph gets transported to a post-apocalypses time-line aptly called the after party, no one lives, but Mikey does manage to find himself a monkey companion and Raph really wishes his little brother and him would be back home. Little moment of Mikey and Donnie being twins that is positively adorable and I need more of it ASAP. Its 10k words but reads like 30 in the best way possible, like literally a must read!

Closer by Taizi

adorable human woodyangelo

Problem child by taizi

human AU, Mikey is going to give his big brothers a heart attack, he makes questionable friends, and it seems he has a lot of growing up to be doing

Things You Never Outgrow by taizi

Mikey might just have picked up some less than stellar habits from his family as a baby, and now its coming out to bite him in the butt as his brothers notice.

Know the world in yourself by taizi

Donatello is an aspiring Egyptologist, and close friends with part-time thief and sometimes-scoundrel Casey Jones, who pickpockets an ancient map of the fabled City of the Dead off a young man he stumbles across in the Casbah—a young adventurer, it turns out, and none other than the little brother Donatello hasn't seen in almost eight years

Small spaces by Taizi

After 2012 Mikey gets captured and held by the Kraang, it seems he might just have a new fear, his brothers are not happy about it.

While you're here enjoy the view by taizi

Cute little woodyangelo 2012. They have my heart

Sleepwalking by TheKeybladeMaster1994

Splinter wakes up in a cold sweat and notices that Mikey is missing, and it seems like a dark entity is after his littlest sons light, good thing its just a nightmare, right? A few nights later it seems that is not so. Only 4 chapters but has 30k words and is a positive joy to read, I hope it continues to update.

The Ultimate Weapon by TheKeybladeMaster1994

Mikey is pure of heart and just about everything knows it, including but not limited to an eldritch entity that he swears is just try to make his life hard no matter what it tells you.

Interrogation or Malpractice by Professor_Anxietree

2012 Mikey when he got captured by the triceritons, their mind reading machine doesn't do quite what was intended and it spells out pain and sufferings for the smallest of the Hamato clan. Its pretty much being over stimulated to the max, like your skin feels too tight and you can hear your nerons firing in your brain type stuff, beware if you have overstimulation.

Someone to Protect by Koalagriton

2012. Mikey's big bothers get captured by Hun and Mikey doesn't take it well, that's going to become Huns problem.

Flowers by intomyfireyoushallfall

Mikey meets Tang Shen

The shinobi's garden by taizi

buncha one shots that you have to read, you have to istg 66k words of nothing but amazing.

family sticks together, bruh by hellomyoldheart

Mikey (Bayverse) discovers online shopping and sends it to Aprils place, April gets a package addressed for Mikey O'neil

too bad, but its the life you lead by angelmichelangelo @angelmichelangelo

2k7my beloved. Mikey is having trouble at home, good thing this new cat he found, affectionately named Klunk, can help a little. You will cry, I cried, still have read it four times, but crying non the less, read the tags or it will hit you like a freight train

the dad diaries by angelmichelangelo

pepaw Ronin and the new babies, adorable and angst ( in the form of flashbacks) nuff said

a minute from home by taizi

bteam for the win, I cant get enough, baby don and mikey wonder off and survive 3 months, it changes them

I've been afraid of changing by taizi

2007 Mikey really hates his job, Donnie didn't get that, but now he does

Give up the ghost series by taizi

Mikey can see ghosts, and that means he can see his one and only dead brother too, donnie, it causes problems for eveyone around him. human AU

The Gauntlet by T33la

Mikey and Don have to take a leap of faith, good thing Mikey has complete trust in his big bros tech

Flipbook by T33la

the 2003 SAINW donnie boy planned just in case and mikey finds the first bit of the plan, talks happen

Chronicles of the Cretaceous by T33la

Mikey boy manages to befriend a T-rex because of course he does

Words to be Spoken by Mona_E_Lisa @mona-e-lisa

Soulmate Au with woodyangelo, its got angst, just not for the boys, nd holy shyt I need more

The Silver Sentry by Mona_E_Lisa

2003 Mikey gets a son, and he deffo has some problems with Splinter, and I love him more than words

2088 by Mona_E_Lisa

If you haven't read this you haven't lived and that's all I can say. What are you doing? go read it??? like asap, will change you. Its 6k and this post will still be here when you get back, get going now sho sho

A Tale of Spirits by unorthodoxx @unorthodoxx-page

ATLA x tmnt 2018, everyone thinks they are spirits, donnie boy isn't going to correct them, and mikey ends up malnourished, but it updates this sunday so GO Go Go asap, it great

turning over stone by angelmichelangelo

2012 mikey gets angry, and kami does it suck, but good thing his big brother has experience in dealing with it.

caught in the rip tide by angelmichelangelo

Mikey gets hurt, and it might just be leos fault. 2012 based on the season 4 episode broken food.

yolk by angelmichelangelo

Mikey can't take the fighting anymore, too bad it took wrecking a midnight breakfast for his brothers to notice.

december 18th: raise a glass by angelmichelangelo

Mikey turns 21, and they really should be winding down by now, but Donnie doesn't have the heart. technically tagged with 2012 and IDW, but could totally see it with 2007 if u ignore that raph is in japan

december 15th: a size too big by angelmichelangelo

2007 Mikey was supposed to be bac an hour ago, he is gonna be the death of Donnie I swear.

the Kappas constellation by angelmichaelangelo

bunch a one shots

Honestly just anything by angelmichelangelo or taizi, but you can see that with how often they show up in this list

FF.net

Its a cycle by GhostiesandGhoulies

Adorable 2007 Mikey being hurt while doing cowabunga car and his brothers looking after him

Clogged drain by Goblin cat KC

Horror, the poor boys were not ready for this one but I adore it. Nothing more I can say than they will have nightmares and all of them will have night lights.

Hero among them by oliviasbizzaremind

2007 gang gets a call after a rough night, its for cowabunga carl, so how exactly does this lady know Mikey's name? Mikey always was a bleeding heart.

If Wishes were Fishes by Taisi (this is also on A03 I believe I just found it on ff.net fist so i figured id share that here too)

Human AU, adorable must read, like I cant stress this enough, you haven't lived without this. And as a former foster kid, damn.

Mikey's truly awful, incredibly sucky, super hella bummer of a day by Orange4Days

Exactly what the title says and you will enjoy this boys suffering and eventual comfort.

[angelisgonnastartchangingurls]

jim and jenny

annie started seeing jim once a week. just going to his apartment for aggressive sex and a little worried conversation about julia. jim loved being rough with annie, and taking pictures of her asshole while he fucked her from behind. annie loved that he had so many pictures of her asshole.

he also had, he showed her, a picture of jenny's asshole and pussy, which she'd sent him a few nights earlier with a text

"i'm feeling very needy and in need of validation am i hot am i pretty?"

"yes," he'd replied. "you're very hot and very pretty."

"fuckable?" she'd written back. "fuckable and breedable?"

"yes," he said. "i mean i wouldn't breed you because that would be a bad idea genetically, but fuckable."

"you'd fuck me?" she replied. "really?"

"hell yeah," he said.

"and then maybe cum on my face and tits?"

"fuck yeah," he said.

"that makes me so fucking horny" she replied.

"good girl," he said.

"i stg if u call me good girl to my face i will yank my panties right off," she said.

then she sent him a video of herself fucking her pussy with a dildo.

"you should go see her," annie told him. "you deserve a little break from the other crazy women in your life."

a week later, jim flew to colorado for the weekend, surprising jenny at her door. he called annie late that night to tell her about what happened.

"she literally pulled me in the door, sat me down on the couch, and took her shorts and panties off," he told her. "her pussy was very stubbly around her landing strip, it looked so good. and she told me to get my cock out."

"and you did?" annie asked, biting her lip and reaching into her panties.

"of course," he said. "and she sat right on it like a good, loyal girl, already soaked."

"fuck," annie said.

"she took her sweatshirt off after she came on my dick so i could cum on her," he said. "she hasn't put anything on since."

he sent her a picture of jenny in her kitchen, naked, her tits covered in cum.

annie was suddenly hungry for robbie, who was asleep in the bedroom with casey. she slipped in to the room quietly and woke him gently. he left casey naked in the bed and took annie from behind against the couch. he told her that casey hadn't shaved in over a week, and that he loved the feeling of the smoothness of annie's pussy. for weeks after, annie shaved every single day, dedicated to maintaining that feeling. robbie came inside her and went back to bed.

still desperately horny, she texted tom, no answer. he was likely asleep. she took a picture of her pussy and sent it to her dad. still no answer. she sent it to her mom.

"you're still up?" she replied. "we're so similar."

"too horny to sleep," annie replied.

"i can see the cum leaking out of you," she replied. "i get it."

she sent a picture of herself dripping cum. at this point she was basically shaved, her bush was trimmed so short. annie said as much.

"your father and brother like it this way," she said.

"funny," annie said. "they like me smooth."

"well, we need to give our men a little variety," she said. she sent annie a video of herself jerking off her husband. he was groaning as his cum shot everywhere.

"it's so fucking hot." annie replied. "do you think i'm a weirdo for thinking it's so hot?"

in response, her mom sent her a screenshot of text she's sent her own father -- nudes of herself. "my gorgeous girl," he'd replied.

"has he ever touched you?" annie asked.

"only when i was pregnant with you," she told her. "he would touch my belly so low that his fingers would graze my panties. so i stopped wearing panties around him, and his fingers would graze my bush. so i trimmed my bush, and his big strong fingers finally found my clit."

"you ever get to suck his cock?" annie asked.

"i've been doing that since i was 17," she said. "he told me one day that my mother no longer did that. so i took over."

[3v3ry0n3z-fav3-al13n-x3]

Addressing my (already deleted) posts from recent weeks. + Other stuff

I know I keep apologizing for one thing or another, but recently I've made multiple posts that have made lot of my followers and just people who have stumbled upon them in general extremely concerned for me and people around me, and that was for a good reason. And for that I want to apologize.

I've made multiple posts talking about my thoughts and desires to physically harm and even take away lives from my classmates and the students in my school in general. I want to say that I haven't done anything nor had the actual courage to do anything like that, neither to anyone around me or myself, and that those words only came from the bottling up rage and hate I've had for years.

I've been verbally and sometimes even physically bullied pretty much since I started 1st grade of school, and it only got worse and worse each year, especially after I came out as a trans guy and got into the whole scene, emo and alternative fashion in general at around 8-9th grade. It got so bad to the point where I changed schools.

After I transitioned to the new school, it actually felt much better and more pleasant there than my old school, that was so in the beginning at least. After some time I started getting bullied again, some kids even started insulting me as Satan which didn't even happen in my old school, and even when I tried dressing more "basic" the bullying didn't stop. Not only that but my class started bothering me too. They started asking me icky and uncomfortable questions about my identity, they kept making homophobic, sexist, racist etc "jokes", one of them turned out to be a literal neo-nazi, I couldn't say a word without one of the guys making a dumb comment towards me or mocking me, and no one seemed to take me actually seriously when I was upset.

I noticed that it was starting to get worse on my new school than in my old school, because at least I felt safe in my old class, which was no longer the case in my new one.

That's when I sort of snapped, and all that bottled up rage and hate spilled out into these posts. I've felt nothing but rage these last weeks

I deleted those posts out of shame. I'm now aware I shouldn't have made these posts public, or even had those violent thoughts in the first place. I am sorry to everyone I have alarmed and concerned. Like I said, I haven't acted upon these thoughts and I never will, no one was harmed in any way.

Thankfully I've had a chance to calm down and relax, since I've gotten a whole week off school after talking to a teacher about everything that's been happening. I can finally think straight and I'm so relieved.

I'm actually done with all of our final exams and I'll be finally graduating this Friday! I honestly can't wait. After 10 years of pure hell that's been only getting worse each year, I'll hopefully be finally able to catch a break I desperately need.

After the graduation party I'll most likely reblog this with an update post, saying how the party went and all that.. and I'll also talk about my exciting plans after graduation! :3

I definitely won't miss my school years after graduating.

[scaramouche-writes]

Mini smutshot

Okay, like I promised here y'all go! (Feeding my children) And don't forget, requests ARE open. TW: Fingering, oral sex, raw sex, cunnilingus, degrading acts, and foul language, Scara's a bitch...per usual though. Also I am sooo sorry Kazuha's is short, I couldn't think of what to write for him. Enjoy, loves <3 Y'all have been warned. Don't come at me please 😭😭😭 2.1k words

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Scaramouche/Wanderer:

He was gone again....for work...you sighed. You felt very lonely. It was hard when he had to leave...sure you may have been used to it at this point, but you still couldn't help but feel a twinge of pain in your chest when you heard he had to leave. And to add onto the stress of worrying about him, and when he'd get home, you had to deal with a boss who severely underpays his workers, leading them all to be grumpy. You were supposed to get your paycheck today, and when you didn't, you marched straight over to your boss, who just shrugged and said. "Sounds like a problem that YOU need to take care of. Not me." And my god were you pissed. You were ready to break someones face in. This entire 3 weeks, it's been like this. Get up, go to work, get mistreated, go home, eat dinner alone. It was like that all the time. You were getting so tired and frustrated because of it all. It was just too much for you to take in. When Scaramouche FINALLY came home, he was exhausted and ready to just get wrapped up in your embrace. But you just denied him. You quite literally turned your body away from him, and face the wall, with your arms crossed over your chest....Sure it was petty, but you wanted him to feel the same way as you did, when he left you pent up, and by yourself. Annnnddddd let's just say Scaramouche didn't take that too well. He gripped your shoulders. "Hey, what the hell y/n?! Pay attention to me."

He waved a hand in front of your face "Hello. I'm talking to you!" He said clearly frustrated with your attempts at ignoring him. His deep violet eyes, clearly had a hint of desperation in them. "Fuck off." Was all you said to him, as you shoved his hands off of you. "What's your deal?" Scaramouche asked in a snarky tone "I DON'T have a 'deal' I'm fine" You snapped back "Really? Because to me, you're acting like a little prissy pants." You had already been feeling shitty, and when he said that, you lost it. You quickly snapped your head to face him, and slapped him across the face. The room was silent...the only thing that could be heard, was the slap echoing throughout the room. His head was forced to the side as you hit him. He slowly turned back to face you. Scaramouche looked pissed. Pissed as all hell. He roughly shoved you against the wall "You dare do that to me!?" He was not happy You only glared at him, which fueled the already tense energy of the room. "Don't act like you're everything just because you were chosen for a 'important mission'" You snapped back at him He got up real close and personal to you, so close that you could feel his breath against your lips glaring with his hate filled eyes. "You have NO right to lay a hand on me like that." He answered back. "Do not EVER do that again. Do you understand me?" He asked clearly not in the mood for games. You didn't answer him, which caused him to roughly grab your jaw in one hand, as the other held you to the wall "I SAID do you understand me?" He spoke clearly and loudly "No" You said back, just trying to push his buttons at this point...which he won't lie, it worked. You were severely pent up, and ready to piss him off so much until he fucked you dumb. He growled at you and pushed you farther into the wall. And then out of no where, he suddenly slammed his mouth onto yours. It wasn't pretty, or all that nice. It was sloppy and he kind of hit your teeth with his. His hands went under your shirt, and he started taking off your bra, as he smushed his body onto yours. Once the bra was off, all hell broke lose. Scaramouche rubbed your sensitive nipples in his fingers, twisting and pinching them. You let out a soft cry of pleasure into the kiss. When you moaned Scaramouche smirked wider. He grabbed a fist full of your tit and massaged it in his hand. You whimpered and whine, practically begging for more When he pulled away, he smirked at you "Do you really think you deserve this?" He scoffed "Because after what you pulled, I don't think so." His hands moved from under your shirt, to your ass, he roughly grabbed the piece of flesh in his hands and squeezed. His hands slipped under your skirt, and to your dripping heat. You weren't wearing panties.... "What a naughty girl" Scaramouche mocked "Well, there's only one way you get naughty girls to do what you want" He without warning roughly shoved his fingers into your cunt, and started pumping his fingers in and out of you, with no mercy. You let out a cry of pleasure, as your body begun to shake at the unexpected amount of pleasure that just went through your body, that felt oh so electrifying

Let's just say, you won't be going back to work for a couple of days....

-------------------------------------------------------------- Kazuha:

Kazuha was a quiet and reserved kind of guy. You did do quite a bit to try and get his attention though. Wearing lingerie Saying dirty things Sharing your fantasies Your wants and desires, But nothing seemed to be enough. You wanted more....and he just wasn't giving you his all. You wouldn't stop though. Not until you finally fix this little.....problem....of his. You had been accompanying him on his mission to help the traveler. Though sometimes it felt like he gave the traveler more attention than you. It was frustrating to say the least. You walked hours through different types of environments, and while all of them were pretty in their own way, none of them were as pretty as your white haired boyfriend. He was constantly talking to the traveler and it was no longer just frustrating. You were done with it. So done. And once you called him out for it, all he said was a soft "Sorry" And that was it. No plan on what he was gonna do to fix it, or any comfort. You had all just come back from the fight with the Shogun, and you were currently cleaning his wounds. You sat on the bed with alcohol in your hand dabbing the gash on his back/ You leaned forward, next to his ear and whispered "You gonna stop right?" "Stop what?" Your poor clueless boyfriend asked. You suddenly pressed on his gash, making his back go straight up, and he winced a little. "Hey...what was that for?" He asked still not sure what was going on "Well if you had just promised not to be so touchy with the traveler, we wouldn't have a problem, would we?" You asked switching your position so that you were practically on top of him. Tonight would be the night. Finally. You'd make him go all out. "I guess you care about the traveler more than me." You spoke. "Y-you know that's not true y/n....." Kazuha said a bit flushed at the sudden change of position. "Yes you do. You just love them and want to protect them more than you ever would with me." You said back. You two went on like this for a while. Back and forth "This happened and you don't love me" To "You know that's not how it is." Eventually he got a little fed up with your behavior and without much warning slipped his pants down and moved your panties to the side, slamming you down on his hard cock. You didn't get a chance to adjust before he started moving your hips for you. Kazuha bit his lip and let out heavy breaths. The suddeness of all the pleasure made you throw your head back and let out little groans. "Be quiet please." Was all he said, harshly, just also in a way that you knew he wouldn't hurt you. That night was a long night for you. But hey.....

You asked for it, right.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Xiao:

You liked tracing your fingers along his tattoo. Drawing over the shape of it. You liked to make him sit down after a long day out, and you like to play with his messy blue hair, and trace his tattoo. It was a long day for him today. He came back home, all tired and sore. You offered a massage, but he decline. You wanted to help, but didn't know how.... You even tried to get him to sit down so you could play with his hair, and trace his tattoo...like always, but he was not having it. "No thanks y/n" "Look, I'm not in the mood" "Can you just leave me alone" And that's where you find yourself now... Alone in your room, with your knees to your chest while laying against the headboard, and Xiao out in the hallway pacing....Why was he so stressed? And why did he have to be so mean about it too!? ...You were just trying to help.... You could feel a lump in your throat, and tears in your eyes, but you quickly sniffled and wiped off the tears, clearing your throat. It felt like forever in a day, but finally there was a sudden eager knock on the door. You sighed. It was probably Xiao....you didn't want to talk to him now....especially in fear of letting him see the state you're in just because of his words. It was pathetic....I mean he was just stressed, he didn't mean it....right? So why were you so upset? You couldn't figure it out... The knock rang throughout the walls again, "y/n?" "Can we talked please?" He asked, with desperation coming out of his tone. You could tell he felt bad by the guilt that was evident in his tone. "What?" You asked back to him bluntly. The door slowly opened to reveal a short guilt-ridden man. Xiao went in cautiously going slow to make sure you were okay with this. Once he realized you weren't gonna throw a fit about it, he walked in more and shut the door behind him. At this point you had laid down and turned away from him. You couldn't look him in the eyes....at least not right now. Currently Xiao took a seat on the foot of the bed. He gently rubbed your legs, and turned you over to face him "Listen.....I'm...sorry...I shouldn't have been so rude when you were just trying to help." Xiao said with an apologetic soft smile. You sat up in bed and hugged him tightly. "It's okay...I know you didn't mean it" Xiao gladly accepted the hug, and squeezed you back tightly, letting his hands go under your arms, and around your body to meet once again. You both stayed like that for a couple of minutes. Soon Xiao pulled away and planted a kiss to the top of your head. "I'm gonna make it up to you, okay?" Xiao stood up and pulled you to the edge of the bed, grabbing you by your ankles. He slowly hooked his middle finger in your pants, and pulled them down. He tossed the now discarded pants on the ground...somewhere. He slowly got to his knees and spread your thighs open. You blushed and on instinct, you tried to shut your legs, to which he rubbed your thighs and looked up at you with a soft gaze. "Relax.....I'll take care of you...Don't worry." He then slowly moved closer to your wet pussy. The suddeness of the situation couldn't help but make you horny. He gently spread your lips apart with his index and middle finger, he then gave your cunt a few kitten licks before attaching his lips to your sensitive bud, and sucking. Your hands instantly went to grip Xiao's hair, in an attempt to get more friction. You threw your head back and moaned loudly "O-oh go-d~ X-xiao, yes...yes please that feels so good!" You whined out. Xiao only smirked and sucked your poor swollen bud harder. You crossed your thighs around his back, pulling him closer, causing him to moan against your heat, sending vibrations up your spine. I'd say he made up for his mistake, wouldn't you?

[cheerycherrycandy-resurrected]

Ghoulette Appreciation Week 3

Week 3: First Ritual & Lazy Sunday

Crashing in last minute and more unedited than ever with this (I mean it's week 4 where I am, but it's still the 20th somewhere lol) after a hectic week!

Aurora's first Ritual, and the last lazy Sunday at the Abbey before it. “Break a leg!” Cumulus whispered in Aurora’s ear, as the pair walked on-stage. Aurora caught Cirrus giving her an exaggerated thumbs-up from the opposite side of the stage. She took a deep, breath from her podium. She loved music, she loved singing, the congregation were going to love her.

Yes I googled the first day of reimperatour to make this accurate, what about it?

Rating: General Content: literally just pack-bonding fluff Words: 1004

Read below now! AO3 link to follow tomorrow, I'm not fighting with their upload page at 2am!

“Break a leg!” Cumulus whispered in Aurora’s ear, as the pair walked on-stage. Aurora caught Cirrus giving her an exaggerated thumbs-up from the opposite side of the stage. She took a deep breath as she stepped up to her podium, and grinned widely behind her mask. I deserve to be here. Let’s do this!

The sun rose and gradually peered into the windows of the Abbey, illuminating everything it touched with a golden glow. Few were actually awake to see this, the ghouls all curled up in their nests and enjoying their last few hours of peace. A week from now, they would be preparing for their first ritual of the new tour and sleep would be a luxury, a lie-in a miracle.

Aurora was an exception. Not normally an early-riser, by anyone’s definition, she’d awoken long before the other ghoulettes curled around her. She was nervous: worried about being away from the place she now called home, anxious about giving a good performance, scared of the congregation’s reaction to her. She knew how loved Sunshine was, and was desperate to live up to her reputation.  The ghoulettes, Sunshine included, had all told her how she needn’t worry, she was going to be perfect, but all the same she was nervous. She knew Phantom felt the same way too, stepping into Aether’s shoes.

And so, she lay awake. Trying to follow the steady breathing of the ghoulettes around her, despite her pounding heart, and Cumulus’ hair that was tickling her nose and threatening to make her sneeze.

Eventually, the others began to stir. No one had any plans for the day, it was to be their last officially sanctioned day off in many months. As the tangle of limbs moved around Aurora, she extricated herself from the pile, and made her escape. She trudged down the hall to the kitchen, deciding to bring coffee back to her packmates.

Entering the kitchen, she discovered she was not the only ghoul awake. Perched on the island counter was Phantom, a small frown creasing between their eyebrows. Swiss stood nearby, already coaxing the ancient coffee machine into life.

“Morning Ror.” Phantom smiled at her, but it didn’t reach their eyes.

“Hey Ant.” Aurora hopped up next to them, shuffling close enough to bump shoulders. “You got the jitters too?”

Phantom sighed slightly, before leaning into her side.

“A bit. Big shoes to fill, y’know?”

“Yeah!” Swiss chirped as he turned around with Phantom’s coffee “Aeth’s giant clown feet!”

Both the smaller ghouls giggled slightly, and Swiss beamed at the admittedly mediocre response.

“What’s your plan for today then, Rory? Last lazy day we’ll get in a while.” asked Swiss.

“I hadn’t really thought of anything, besides bringing the girls coffee in bed.” Aurora hummed thoughtfully.

“I promised Ant a picnic by the lake, you could join us? ‘M gonna bring the guitar, thought we could make some music without the pressure of rituals and rehearsals before that becomes our lives. With the touring I need to remind myself it’s fun sometimes, y’know?”

“That sounds really nice actually, I’d love to!” Aurora loved spending time by the lake, her water element calling to it. Phantom trilled happily next to her.

“I’ll let the others know where I’ll be, it’ll be good for Sunny to have Lus and Riri to herself for the day.” Aurora knew how much Sunshine would appreciate that, she was definitely more anxious about her closest packmates going away for so long than she was letting on.

A short while later, the three ghouls sat soaking in the springtime sun, keeping the worse of the damp from the grass at bay with a blanket. The gentle sounds of water lapping at the edge of the lake accompanied the soft music from the guitar Phantom was now playing. Aurora and Swiss hummed along, singing songs from their family groups in the pit, songs they’d heard on the radio topside, just harmonising together.

The sun moved overhead, gently warming them until their shadows grew long, and it could no longer compete with the late-afternoon chill. Rory headed back inside to find the rest of the ghoulettes. She found them where she left them, curled up in the nest and apparently asleep. It had been tidied, so they had clearly moved at some point.

Aurora moved to join them, kicking off her shoes and clambering into the pile of limbs.

“Hello little songbird, have a good day?” murmured Cirrus, twining her tail around Aurora’s calf.

“Yes, really nice.” Aurora sunk deeper into the purrs of her packmates, joining in with a high rumbling noise of her own. “Was good to relax a bit before we leave.”

“How are you feeling about tour?”

“Alright, I think. It’ll be great to see the world, meet our congregation…”

“…but?”

“I’m a little anxious about living up to Sunny, I guess.”

Cirrus puller her closely to her chest “I don’t think you have to worry, sweetie, you’re going to be fantastic I just know it!”

A week later, Aurora remembered her words as she took a deep, calming breath from her podium. She loved music, she loved singing, the congregation were going to love her.

The lights went up, the music blared, and Aurora sang and danced like everyone’s eyes were on her. Twirling her cape, stomping her feet, she felt every beat of the music resonate with her heartbeat, and fed off the infectious energy of the crowd.

All too soon the ritual was over. Moving to the front of the stage, she almost list her footing as Cirrus and Cumulus crushed her in a hug.

“You did so well!” Cumulus squealed, also riding high off a good performance. Across the stage, Aurora could see a similar interaction happening between Swiss and Phantom, both of the new ghouls vibrating with excitement and adrenaline.

She moved forward with Cirrus and Cumulus to interact with the audience, all of them waving at her and cheering. Maybe she didn’t need to worry after all.

[plslovemeforeverandever]

Dude you have no idea how thrilled I am to find another blog that appreciates the concept of a yandere solid snake as much as I do. Oh my God just imagine him and Liquid in a yandere rivalry over the same person-

Welcome to the tiny circle of hell @bweoo and i populate :3 (they made my pfp i love it soooo much mwah)

Not sure what took you to my blog since I'm a literal nobody, but thank you for asking! That Good Yandere Mg s content is in tragically short supply both here and on ao3, though what exists is pretty good.

(You can take my thoughts with a grain of salt since i haven't finished twin snakes yet hehe. Bweoo gave me that sweet infodump)

For Liquid and Solid, their issues comes from a conflict of perspective

As we've semi-established, Solid is an overprotective type yandere. The kind of man to lend a hand unprompted when needed- whether it be a ride home, a steady hand or a warm word.

(The kind of man who lights his cigarette under a streetlamp across the street from your appartment. Keeping an eye peeled. Just in case)

Overbearing, watchful, observant, in a way the average person could never comprehend. He's lucid enough to know his actions are strange - swiping clothes from your beloved's laundry bin is hardly normal- but he cannot for the life of him pull away, helpless to escape their orbit.

Despite these acts, Snake's desperate to preserve a sense of normalcy.

His end goal is ensuring his beloved's happiness + wellbeing no matter the cost to his mind, body, and sanity. And if those costs are paid by other people uninvolved in his balancing act...no one (especially not you) needs to know

At the end of another mission, tossing and turning alone in his quarters, Solid yearns for your warm warm hands.

Liquid however, is a whole other can of crazy. A churning sea riddled with insecurity, daddy issues, and zero impulse control wrapped up in a set of chiseled abs

Where Solid is "selfess," Liquid is greedy. Where Solid is stable, Liquid is erratic. He demands every iota of your attention while denying he wants it.

Don't be fooled by his british rage, Liquid craves validation like a flame craves oxygen. He needs the addictive high of your eyes on him. Only him.

He's your world entire, after all (as you are his).

Why would your pretty little head think it needed anyone else?

Unfortunately, Liquid does not take to anyone breaking this illusion. As shown by canon, he deems violence an appropriate problem solving skill. Just last week he jammed his thumb in agent's eye socket for "flirting" (read: asking your name)n. After that, no one breathed a word in your direction.

While he's never turned that blazing heat of hatred on you, it's only a matter of time. A stray glance here or a head tilt there and his beloved might find themselves in hot water with their big bad terrorist 'lover.'

(He's not all bad, not all the time. Not in the dead of night, his arms wrapped around your smaller frame so tight you feared fusing into a single being.)

Ok I went off too long . Anyway...

Solid and Liquid's rivalry/relationship is already tumultuous, but add a common obsession to the mix and their fight would reach a fever pitch.

Solid's careful meticulous planning all goes out the window when Liquid snatches you from the compound. He sees no problem in taking - id might as well be his middle name- and claiming the ultimate prize.

Solid panics -> rushes off to save them -> spirits them from Liquid's maniacally laughing arms -> Liquid devises a way to strike back in rage -> and so on and so forth until one of them explodes.

Not to mention a good chunk of Liquid's insecurity stems from being the "inferior" twin. Losing his partner to Solid is too crushing a blow, so he fights tooth and nail to bring s/o back. Even if he has to drag you kicking and screaming all the way to his base.

Snake wants a peaceful Alaskan retirement, while Liquid wants to set the world ablaze with his beloved by his side. Obviously these futures are not compatible.

Both have a vested interest in securing s/o to "protect" them from their twin. Both see themselves as s/o's ideal lover

As for who would win? While Liquid has boundless passion, Solid and his more lax demeanour might win s/o over.

It's up to you viewers! Stay tuned maybe for other things if you want.

I'm running out of steam

(Big boss is a whole other can of worms. To me. He is a fusion of both solid and liquids best/worst traits. The snake yandere gene is real)

Hope this helped (?) Somehow. Have a good day !!!

[neallo]

Umm what are your meronia divorce headcanons? 😇 Yes I am baiting you into posting those tags you wrote because they were SO CORRECT

HGFDSJFSDFSD <3 <3 <3 GIVING ME AN EXCUSE TO TALK ABOUT THEM AS EXES... BLESS YOU...

Okay. So. BROADLY. Here is how I imagine they break up:

Mello, being literally so fucking bad at understanding Near and also being so bad at being normal in general and ALSO being bad at seeing his own value... I could see him suggesting breaking up as a way to test if Near really cares about him (this is deranged but so is he) and getting DEEPLY hurt when Near is not sobbing screaming crying on the floor pleading for him to stay. IMO Near is actually genuinely gutted in pretty much any situation where they part ways, but he sees that as his problem to deal with. He's not going to attempt to coerce Mello into staying in a relationship that he's (evidently) not happy in. There are. UM. Exceptions to this. But we won't get into that (<- lazy and also IDK if I can do it without spoiling a future story).

The biggest problem here is that even when Mello realizes he's miserable without Near etc etc etc he's wayyyy too proud to actually admit he made a mistake ending their relationship. I do think, however, that he would struggle to long-term stay away from Near fully. His impulse control is pretty bad so, like. Y'know.

I'll, uh. Refrain. From belaboring the point here [<- already plagued empress with the most disorganized thoughts imaginable yesterday about this ghsgjfsfhsdf] but I love the idea of a situation where they're exes because of Mello being chaotic and terrible and then he continues to be chaotic and terrible by starting to sleep with Near on a multiple-times-a-week basis again without actually acknowledging that they're effectively dating.

Like he's not fucking anyone else, he tells people he's not single, but he will NOT ask Near to get back together. He will however take literally one shot of tequila and just leave the bar or party & walk to Near's. "Ohhh I was just in the area" <- he had to walk 30 minutes to get there and climb up three stories of fire escape to do this. And he WOULD walk further if that was what was required.

Near is very nice and pretends like this is normal behavior because IMO he on some level realizes Mello is profoundly dysfunctional and is trying to figure out how he's supposed to deal with the whole thing (but is still in love enough and sufficiently used to Mello's deranged nature to put up with it <3 ).

Bonus points in my mind if this is a college AU or s/t and Near is roommates with Gevanni, who Mello fucking HATES on principle (read: is attractive and in Near's general vicinity, therefore must die). He has only met George (<- intentionally gets Gevanni's name wrong) a handful of times, but he was REALLY annoyed to find out that Gene didn't even know who he was bc CERTAINLY Near would have mentioned him. Gerald should really pay better attention :/ [Near is an undergrad student, Gevanni is a PhD candidate who desperately needed to sublet somewhere cheap and thought he lucked out w/ the most relaxed quiet tidy roommate Ever until this rude blonde guy started showing up and having loud sex with Near 2-3x a week]

[littlecatfishgoddess]

Your last post, about edging and sending, is so fucking evil. You probably don't even have a clue. That happened to me with another Domme. I thought it was just a fun way of combining gooning and financial domination. It was so much worse. It nearly ruined my life. The denial kept me wired constantly. Could only sleep for an hour or two at a time, before I would wake up horny and confused. I would hold off and tell myself not to send today. But the arousal would keep building. Then I would suddenly see something that triggered me and I say to myself "I'll just send $1 a bunch of times. Just keep sending till I reach the edge." Of course, after stopped, I was even more insanely horny and desperate than before. And much more likely to do it again a few minutes later.

Gradually it started feeling lame, but by that time I already spend a few 100s and I did not want to cum and quit. I was "invested" in it. However, the edges were hard to get and less satisfying than ever.

I started sending $5 sends instead. That made it more intense. I'd send 6-7 times and get to the edge that way. But one time I accidentally double tapped and typed $55.

Instead of deleting the extra digit, I froze. Something in my head told me: "Fuck! If I sent $55 that would be so FUCKING INTENSE!". I was still stroking while thinking this and that didn't give me time to think clearly. At that point, either I would stop or press the the "pay" button. Fuck CA, I hate that app. Ruined my life.

I hit pay.

A flood of adrenaline hit me like a brick wall. I was sweating, heartbeat fast like crazy, couldn't breath. What the fuck did I do? I payed $55 just to stroke my cock a couple of times. Fucking idiot.

I literally threw my phone away from me. I was pissed at myself. What a fucking waste of money!

But my cock was throbbing so hard. Instant edge. Had to stop in fact, but it was like I stayed on the edge for a good ten minutes after, without touching.

Looking back it was such a rush. I don't think anything could beat that. Except there was something that could.

I forced myself to get up and do other things and clear my head. Swore never to do any of that shit again. Domme shrugged and told me to go ahead and take a break.

Jerked off like a maniac and came 9 times in 2 days. I thought that was the end of it.

Next week, I was back. Same rules. No touching unless I am actively sending. No orgasms only edging. She said "you will be a mindless ATM". I actually thought that was hot. Fucking moron!!

I thought this time I'd be more careful. Keep the sends small. Be cool. Just a hot way to make the edge more intense. Wasn't working though. I mean it worked just enough to keep me hooked, but not enough to give me any lasting satisfaction.

I would start with $5 sends. Between typing the numbers, choosing the recepient, pressing pay (fuck the shape of that pay button is still branded in my mind's eye), hit confirm a bunch of times, I could stroke for maybe 10 seconds before it was time to stop... or send again.

Of course I needed to do it again. After the third or fourth time, things would start get going. By going I mean, the voice in my head would start saying: "double it, it will make it so much more intense! Do it, I dare you!" I would try to argue, resist, but then something else would happen. I'd started spacing out.

Probably because of sleep deprivation, or all the hypno stuff I watched for years, I started getting in the habit of basicaly trancing out. Fuck, I wasn't even looking at porn. It was just an app with numbers, and I was jerking off to it while my mind would go blank. I would quickly turn into a fucking zombie. And soon I'd send $10 a couple of times. Instant rush, but not enough to get to the edge. Then I'd send $20. I could not stop myself. I had to continue and gradually send more until I reached the edge. I tried to stop before I reach the edge a few times, but it did nothing for me. Worst than nothing, it was like I wasted the opportunity and money for no reason. No, I HAD to get to the edge.

Long story short. I ended up with a routine. Wake up in the middle of the night. Start stroking and sending $5 dollars. Then start doubling till I reached an edge. Each edge would end up costing me $400 to $1000. I would edge fall asleep. Wake up an hour later, do it again. 3-4 times a night and more during the day. And the "sessions" would only take a minute or two. It was fucked. I was fucked. I was so so fucked. I still am. I am so fucking triggered right now just writing this. I want to do it again. But I am broke and that's the only thing keeping me from relapsing. I have to cum 3-4 times a day just to keep myself from spiraling. Lost over 30K I think and I hate myself. This fucking ruined my life. I will NEVER be able to have normal sex. I will always crave to chase that thrill. Nothing else comes even close. It's like jerking off at the edge of a cliff with a gun pointed at my head. Gooning is a joke compared to the massive dopamine hit I got from this. This shit should be illegal.

You probably won't post this, but you should go fuck yourself for posting about this stuff. I pray to god nobody else ever tries it.

lol... that's hot.

Anyway: Send

[karahalloway]

Sleepless in New York: Chapter 10 - Darkfall

Series: TRR

Pairing: Drake Walker x F!OC (Harper Gale)

Synopsis: What if Drake met Harper on the first night of Prince Christian’s New York bachelor party? A stand-alone AU written from Drake's POV.

Masterlist: Sleepless in New York

Chapter Summary: Drake tries to navigate a rough night...

Word Count: 5,300

Rating/Warnings: E (swearing, angst, obsessive-compulsive exercise, sexual fantasy, masturbation)

Chapter theme song:

A/N1: Sorry this took soooo long to get out! As per usual, real life has been exceptionally busy, so I haven't had as much time to write as I'd like to.

A/N2: This is also my slightly belated submission for World Whiskey Day, hosted by @drake-walker-appreciation, and the prompt that this fits with (more or less) is 'The whiskey burns my throat like her absence burns my soul.'

A/N3: I just realised that this kinda (maybe?) qualifies for the @springfeverpitch event that was on this week (Apologies! There are a lot of events on at the moment!) In any case, this would count as domestic x home run I guess 😅

Chapter 10 - Darkfall

I kick the covers off with an irate growl.

Un-fuckin'-believable...

After the shitshow of a day I've had, I should be running on fumes.

And I am.

Yet for some reason, I’m not able to nod off. Despite the fact that I've been on the go since 6am and have barely gotten any shut-eye the night before.

Because my body’s apparently a sucker for punishment and doesn’t seem to know when to quit. And even though I know I desperately need the recharge, I also know that staying in bed’s gonna achieve nothing 'cept hypertension.

So, swinging my legs out onto the carpet with a tight-set jaw, I reach for my phone.

02:18

I run a heavy hand through my hair.

The hell am I gonna do for the next six hours?

My eyes land almost unwittingly on the ragged shirt-tail peeking over the edge of the trash can.

I rip my gaze away with gritted teeth.

No. Absolutely fucking not.

It’a bad enough that I walked out on Gale without so much as a half-assed explanation. I ain’t gonna compound my dick-like behaviour by showing up at her door in the middle of the night, demanding to pick up where we left off.

Especially not after everything I've already subjected her to today — getting her fired, burning her in front of her friends, pulling her into a fight, dragging her on a forced route march 'cross town, and then literally ripping the shirt off her back. And, if that isn’t bad enough, I topped off her night by dumping the proverbial clutch on her when I should've been taking her for the ride of her life.

I swallow painfully. No. That ship had definitely sailed...

Which means it’s high time to take my own fuckin' advice and get her — and this entire mess of a day — out of my head.

No excuses.

And since the overpriced mini bar had let me down, I’m down to my only alternative — running myself into the ground.

Pushing myself up with a resigned exhale, I trudge over to my duffle. Reaching in, I extract the exercise shorts and t-shirt that always forms part of my go-bag, no matter where I went. Because you never know when you’re gonna need to blow off some steam. And going for a run’s a damn sight healthier than disappearing down the neck of a bottle. Even if the latter’s a helluva lot more convenient.

Throwing the clothes on, along with some socks and my well-worn trainers, I turn back to the bedside table to grab my phone and gun...

...and catch sight of the shirt again.

Motherfucker.

Jamming the phone and the Sig into my pockets — it always pays be prepared then be left holding your dick when shit inevitably hits the fan — I march over to the bin and yank the accursed thing out.

Scrunching it up, I turn on my heel, and stomp out of the room, snatching the keycard up on the way. Wrenching the door open, I let it bang shut behind me as I head down the corridor.

I cannot catch one goddamn break tonight...

Reaching the lifts, I briefly contemplate calling one. But given that I’m already wound tighter than a two-dollar watch, I know I won’t be able to stand the wait, no matter how brief.

So, I divert instead to the fire exit. Pulling the heavy door open, I throw myself into a jog and take the stairs upwards two at a time.

I guess I could've just as easily gone downstairs. But I don’t trust myself not to wind up at Gale's brownstone again if I hit the streets. Which means that the only place I can conceivably go is to the top-floor gym.

Which — all things considered — is probably the better bet anyway. Because going for a jog in the dead of night around the City That Never Sleeps is a risk not worth taking. And even though Central Park’s less than a block away, it’s not actually an option, given that (a) it’s shut overnight, and (b) it isn’t the best lit, and I don’t particularly feel like getting jumped by a knife wielding yahoo, or twisting an ankle on an uneven path.

Plus, I'd have to be a monumental idiot to even think about leaving Chris unattended again. Not that I expect to him go anywhere at this hour — except maybe all the way with Hayley. But I’m not about to make the same mistake twice in one day.

Christ knows I paid for it hard the first time 'round...

I feel my legs start to burn as I continue to climb relentlessly. But knowing that this is exactly what I need if I’m to have any hope of catching some zzz's tonight, I ignore the discomfort and push myself on.

Arriving on the 25th floor, I pause on the landing to catch my breath. But the short burst of exercise has merely thrown me a second wind. I still have a long way to go if I want to waste myself completely.

So, moving over to the stairwell door, I pull it open and step into the gym. Given the lateness of the hour, there's not a soul in sight, and it's just me and the view.

But there’s one thing I need to take care of first.

Locating the changing rooms, I head inside. And before I can think too much on it, or change my mind, I stride over to the dirty towel hamper and chuck the ruined shirt in...

...and dump a few towels on top of it for good measure.

Dead and buried.

Spinning quickly around, I exit the way I'd come, focusing my attention on the row of TechnoGym treadmills that face out onto the distantly twinkling lights of Harlem in the north, and not on how twisted my guts feel all of a sudden.

Picking a machine, I pull my phone and sidearm out of my pockets and place them onto the console so they won’t bang against my thighs as I ran, but still remained within reach in case I need them.

Taking a deep breath, I step resolutely onto the belt and hit go on a program at random.

The pace starts off sedately, barely faster than a speed walk. Reaching up to the console, I tap the speed up impatiently, not wanting to waste time on a warm-up I don’t need and most definitely don’t want.

I’n here to burn rubber.

The motor kicks into a higher gear, but it's not enough. Even though I’m now at a steady jog, my heart rate's barely above resting and I've yet to break a sweat. Not to mention the fact that my mind’s still fixating on the very thing I need to flush out of my system.

Gale, legs spread and head thrown back, moaning my name...

Raising my hand with a growl, I slap the panel again... and again... and again... until the belt is a blur beneath my feet and I'm pelting it like a demented bat outta hell.

The sudden speed forces my body into overdrive. My chest expands, my focus narrows, and my blood begins to pump in earnest, trying to supply my body with oxygen faster than it was being consumed.

I fall into a breakneck rhythm, limbs pumping to the rapid beat of my breath in a desperate effort to stay on the treadmill.

In... In... In... In... Out... Out... Out... Out...

The minutes and the miles tick past on the screen in front of me, but I barely register the stats. I'm too busy chasing oblivion...

...which remains stubbornly out of reach.

Because even as I push myself to the limit and my lungs start to burn and my muscles start to cramp, I can't escape her. She's still there, hazel-green eyes dancing on the edge of my awareness, the honey scent of her hair tickling my senses like smoke on the breeze.

And even as my vision begins to swim and the relentless pace pushes me to the verge of puking, I don't let myself ease up. Because that would be an admission of defeat and I’m not the type to quite that easy.

Not when there’s so much on the line.

Because beyond the fact that I let myself become consumed by a girl I barely know — an unhealthy and unsustainable hang-up that I need to nip in the bud, pronto — my continued preoccupation also ended up endangering Chris' life tonight.

And that’s inexcusable.

Not only is the guy the heir to a fuckin' throne, but he is my best — and arguably only — friend. And I let him down, both personally and professionally, by allowing myself to get distracted, just because a pretty set of legs had walked by.

And while I somehow managed to salvaged my colossal fuck-up, and we all walked away tonight without any casualties, I probably won’t m be able to pull a miracle like that out of my ass every time.

Nor should I expect to.

Especially not during the social season, when Chris is going to be constantly in the spotlight, shaking hands, being interviewed, always in an exposed setting. All it would take is one moment of distraction, one second of lost focus, for someone to pull a gun, to slip through the crowd, for our worlds to come crashing down.

And I’m not gonna let Chris — my brother — down like that.

I can’t.

So, doubling down, I dig deep and continue to pound the vestiges of my frustrations, my failings, and my regret relentlessly into the treadmill, the hard and fast staccato of my feet against the machine echoing around the otherwise empty space.

I have no clue how long I run for. Minutes? Hours? It makes no difference. Every wheeze feels like my last, every exertion a desperate attempt to break free of the purgatory of mistakes I trapped myself in.

And still I push on. Until I hit the proverbial wall and collapse against it, my vision blurry, my limbs shaking, my clothes drenched.

I stand there for what feels like eternity, feet straddling either side of the machine, the belt still whizzing at breakneck speed beneath me while I cling to the console like a life-line, trying to catch my breath.

And eventually my heart-rate slows, the buzzing in my ears clears, and I regain enough coherence to lift a hand and slap the treadmill off.

Pushing myself up to a standing position as the machine whirls to a stop, I wipe the sweat from my eyes and glance at the screen in front of me.

10 miles. 56 minutes.

I scoff wryly. Well, fuck me if that ain’t a new personal best... Who knew that self-pity could be such a potent motivator...?

Exiting the menus, I grab my stuff and move to step off the machine... only to very narrowly avoid face planting into the floor.

Oh, shit...!

Grabbing the console, I shake my head to try and clear the sudden nausea.

Christ, I feel awful...

My eyes land on the water fountain and I lurch towards it like a drunk out of a bar. Because that’s exactly how I feel like — sluggish, light-headed and stumbling around like a newborn calf. Which is no surprise considering I've just run the best part of half a marathon as if the Devil himself had been after me, having consuming nothing but two bottles of beer beforehand.

Apparently I do hate myself.

Managing to make it to the far wall without any incident — just — I lean over the dispenser to inhale the cool stream of water, nearly making myself choke in the process.

But I know I need to rehydrate myself, otherwise I’m gonna be in a world of pain in a few hours' time. So, after overcoming the initial shock to my system, I force myself to loosen up on the pace and start taking longer and slower gulps.

Having finally satisfied my body's cravings, I let go of the dispenser button to run the back of a trembling hand over my water-soaked mouth.

Sweet Jesus, I’m a mess...

I can’t remember the last time I pushed myself this hard on a workout.

But then I've never felt this way before... Like I’m an idiot, like I missed the pass, like I’m stuck in a maze with no way out.

And even though the hard run had managed to clear my mind, that latent feeling of... something is still there, writhing just beneath the surface, like an unscratchable itch under my skin.

And maybe it'll never go fully away. But I’m not about to give up without putting in a damn good fight.

Pushing myself up, I turn towards the pool. And even though I haven’t brought any swim trunks with me, my feet are already pulling me towards the siren call of the water.

Because if there’s one thing that’a guaranteed to set me right, it’s a full-body dunk.

Arriving at the side of the pool, I peel my sweat-soaked clothes off, leaving only my boxers on for the sake of modesty in case someone happens to walk in.

Taking a breath, I step out over the edge and plunge straight in.

The sting of salt hits my nose — not the same flavour as the Med, but then no pool’s ever gonna compete with that — as the water envelopes me and I let myself sink below the surface.

I hit the bottom and the echoey silence settles like a blanket around me, soothing my senses, taming my pulse.

I've always loved the water. Even before I could walk, I'd make a butt-shuffling beeline towards the end of the beach where the waves crashed onto the shore, unveiling a treasure trove of crabs, seashells and shiny rocks.

Of course, Mom'd been terrified that I'd get swept out to sea, or drown. So, to appease her fear, Dad had started taking me to swim lessons — first at the local therapy pool, but graduating quickly to the higher classes in the lap pool as I learnt to float, hold my breath, and leap off the diving board, all by the age of three.

From there my obsession only grew. I joined the school swim team, the water polo team, and even got certified as a lifeguard over the course of one summer. In short, I spent almost as much time in the water as out of it.

And then Chris introduced me to sailing.

At first I couldn't see the appeal of drifting around the Med on a sofa-sized boat when you could be swimming in it. But I've never been able to say 'no' to my best friend, so when he insisted I join him for a spin around the marina in his new Wayfarer one evening, I'd begrudgingly said yes. And had become instantly hooked. The speed, the technical precision, the feeling of flying over the water — it was all addictive.

Jack Sparrow'd had it right when he'd said that a ship is not just a keel and a hull and a deck and sails. Because even though those things are integral to the make-up of any craft, what a ship — or yacht, or catamaran, or any other vessel — really is, is freedom.

And for a restless 14 year-old, there was nothing more attractive than ditching the world to hang out with your buddy in the middle of the ocean, free of worries or adult supervision, just enjoying the endless view while you fished and talked about nothing in particular.

Of course, being teenagers, we were bound to get ourselves into deep water — quite literally. Which is how we ended up deciding that it'd be a great idea to take out a much larger sloop one evening... only to end up paying for that mistake when a storm decided to roll in out of the blue, catching us off guard and capsizing our craft.

And while that particular misadventure had ended up turning Chris off sailing once and for all, it had made me even more determined to get back out onto the water and obtain my ICC license. Which I did, the following summer.

And even though I no longer have Chris to share my maritime adventures with, my love of sailing — and of being out on the water — never diminished.

Because the sea is — and always has been — my personal haven.

Feeling my lungs start to itch from the lack of oxygen, I reluctantly open my eyes and kick back up to the surface.

But I don't feel like returning to dry land just yet.

So, drawing a quick breath, I stretch myself out and dip into an easy freestyle. Half-a-dozen strokes and I reach the edge of the pool. Diving down, I flip myself around to kick off the wall, resurfacing into a backstroke.

I repeat the pattern for about ten laps, enjoying the rare sense of peace that comes with gliding weightlessly through the water, strokes moving effortlessly in time with my breath.

Eventually, though, I’m forced to call it quits as my body finally runs out of steam and my rhythm starts to falter.

Grabbing onto the edge of the pool, I pause to catch my breath, arms and shoulders tingling from the exertion...

...and I suddenly realise that I'm starving.

Which, all things considered, is hardly surprising. The last time I had anything to eat was at that Midtown stake-house at dinner-time, which was over eight hours ago. And since then I've probably burnt through 800 calories' worth of pure stress, not to mention all the physical exertion I've put myself through. So, my blood sugar levels are shot.

Pulling myself out of the water, I pad over to the other side of the pool to collect my gear.

I briefly contemplate having a shower, but quickly ditch the idea on the basis that (a) I hadn't brought a change of clothes with me, and (b) I can’t trust myself not to go rooting for the ruined shirt that I ditched in the changing rooms earlier.

So, brushing off the worst of the water, I head straight for the lifts.

I’m not expecting to cross paths with anyone at whatever time in the morning it is. And if I do... well, they can suck it up. It's not like I’m walkin' around buck-ass naked.

Arriving back on our booked-out floor, I make my way to my room. Fishing the keycard out of the pocket of my shorts, I let myself in and flick the door closed behind me.

Dropping my exercise kit by my duffle, I locate the 24-hour room service menu and do a quick scan of the options.

A couple of items jump out at me, but knowing that I'll probably have breakfast with the guys in a few hours' time, I don’t want to have anything too heavy.

But then my eyes land on the cheeseburger, and before I can think twice about it, I've reached for the hotel phone and I'm putting the order through.

And even though I tell myself that it's because I never got to finish the one back at the dive bar two nights ago, I know that I'm lying to myself...

...so, I add a bottle of whiskey to the order for good measure.

Because I don’t want to blow up all my hard work by falling back into the same emotional sink hole that I only very narrowly managed to drag myself out of just now. So, I need something to distract myself.

Hanging up, I quickly sort my sweaty clothes out and stow them in the duffle before making my way into the bathroom to have another shower.

Once done, I throw on my jeans and a t-shirt (not bothering with socks or underwear) and flick the wall-mounted TV on to find something to pass the time with while I wait for the food to show up.

Not seeing any movies or series that particularly interest me, I eventually settle on a rerun of an old Pats game...

...but I find my mind wandering.

And it doesn't take long for my treacherous sub-conscious to dig up the very images that have been stalking me all night.

Gale, up in my face out on the club balcony, testing my limits and my sanity with that sassy smile of hers...

Gale, head thrown back and ass pressed up against me as we move to the techno-beat on the crowded dance-floor...

Gale, legs wrapped around me as her nails rake over my skin, fighting to get my shirt off as my tongue invades her mouth...

I groan despite myself, shifting uncontrollably on top of the covers...

...and realise that I've already lost the battle.

Shit.

My eyes land ruefully on the tell-tale tent pole straining the front of my pants.

I huff out a tight exhale.

If there'd been one thing I wanted to avoid tonight, it’s this...

Because I know that as soon as I dip a toe in that particular Rubicon, I’m screwed. And not in a good way.

Because when you've been continuously pushed to the edge, only to be yanked back each and every time from the precipice of release, a plain ol' wank just isn’t gonna do it.

Sure, jacking one out relieved the immediacy of the pent up need. But it’s never gonna hold a candle to the real thing. In part because it’s over in minutes and in part because cumming into your own hand feels about as satisfying as throwing yourself a one-man pity party.

Because sex is a team sport. And trying to run a solo play — when you know what the real thing feels like — is always gonna fall short of expectations. Because when you’re on your own, there’s no one to share the thrill with. To kiss, to tease, to fuck to the limit before letting go so you can finally implode into each other.

Which is why I'd tried my damnedest to exhaust myself so I wouldn't find myself in this situation. At least not until we were back in Cordonia, and I could avail myself of some options...

...'cept now I don’t have a choice.

Not unless I want to greet the bell hop with a raging hard-on...

Because unfortunately for me, my dick has apparently decided that it'd had enough of being baited, and is now gonna bend me over the barrel to get what it wants.

Regardless of the fact that it’s gonna be a massive let-down for both of us.

So, even as I try to shift my focus back to the Pats game — and sideline my ever-growing erection — all I manage to achieve is an even more persistent itch in my pants.

Because despite my resistance, we both know that thanks to the missed opportunity with Gale, chances are good that I’m not gonna find anything resembling decent satisfaction until after the Masquerade Ball.

As even though we'll be arriving back to a Palace teeming with all manner of women — from maids to staff to nobles — that doesn’t mean I’m gonna be casting a net. In fact, just the opposite. I’m not the type to shit where I eat (it causes too much unnecessary mess) and I learnt my lesson about fucking aristos the hard way.

Which means that unless I’m planning to shell out for a call girl — hell'd have to freeze over first — a self-administered hand-job is gonna have to tide me over until there’s a big enough gap in my schedule that I can get away from the Palace for a couple of hours and find some stress relief.

I heave a low breath. Fuck my fuckin' life...

But knowing that I've backed myself into a corner, I reach resignedly for my belt. Unhooking the buckle, I fling it to the side to expose the top button of my jeans. Snapping the fastening open with one hand, I yank the zip down with the other.

The denim falls away and my dick springs free of its confines, its rigid length snapping to attention like an overeager hound that has just caught a scent.

And even though this particular outing isn’t gonna end in the long, hard run we both know we need, that doesn't stop the damn thing from drooling like a mutt in anticipation.

Setting my jaw, I shove my jeans down over my hips, half-heartedly wishing I had some lube or something to try and improve this runaway train-wreck as I reach south...

...and groan out loud as my hand wraps around the warm shaft.

Goddamn...

I’m apparently more deprived than I realised. Though, I guess that shouldn't come as a massive surprise. Especially after the near constant edging that Gale subjected me to tonight, combined with the fact that it's been a good two weeks since the last time I managed to eke out time for a fuck. And that had been mediocre at best.

As if to emphasise the point, my dick bucks against palm, and it's clear that I have a lot of mitigating to do.

Sliding my fist firmly down, then back up again, I set about stoking up a rhythm. And even though it's nothing different to what I've done hundreds of times before, something about the familiar friction sparks an instant fire in my veins.

Maybe it's 'cause I’m exhausted... Maybe it's 'cause my mind’s a mess... Maybe it's 'cause I've gone cold turkey for too long...

But whatever it is, it’s sending me into a tailspin.

I feel my head tip back against the headboard with a low moan as I'm pulled rapidly under by the throes of my self-gratification.

And as my eyes shudder closed in the face of the rising tension, I give myself up to the darkest depths of my desire...

...and in a blink of an eye, I’m back in that cramped apartment, gazing up at Gale from between her legs, the imminence of her climax written on her face, the slickness of her arousal coating my mouth and tongue.

I groan into her as she grips my hair, urging me on with her increasingly desperate pleas, her body quivering above me as she careers towards the edge...

...and I’m suddenly possessed by an all-consuming urge to have her.

Shooting to my feet, with her legs still wrapped around my shoulders, I send her sprawling back over the top of the kitchen counter.

Because I know that we don’t have much time, and if I’m gonna make this happen, we need to do it hard and fast.

And I’m not gonna let myself disappoint her again.

Grabbing her by the waist, I yank her towards me. Her hazel-green eyes widen in shock as her ass dips over the edge of the counter. But my grip on her is unshakeable and she's not going anywhere.

Not yet anyway.

Not until I've fucked her six ways 'til Sunday, and even then I probably won’t let her leave.

Because this girl sets me on fire like nobody else, and I need her to burn with me.

Bending down to give her decadent folds one more self-indulgent lick, I steady her with one hand while I rip my belt and jeans open with the other, not able to take my eyes off her as she writhed before me.

"Drake...!"

The sound of my name slipping off her lips like a fervent prayer unleashes something feral inside of me. Something I didn't even know existed in the dark recesses of my soul. Something that instantly swallows whatever vestiges of rational thought I have left, leaving only one, single-minded purpose:

To make her mine.

And in some corner of my brain I know I should be terrified. Of this rabid hunger that she's unwittingly awakened within me. Of the fact that I can’t control it... and don’t want to.

But I'm already past the point of no return. And I can’t give a rat's ass.

Because the only thing I care about is fulfilling that unspoken obsecration of hers until she’s ruined for all other men.

Shoving my jeans and boxers down with a growl, I grab her hips and ram myself into her in one, brutal motion.

Her wet heat engulfs me, taking me fully, causing my eyes to roll back into my head as I revel in the sheer euphoria of her, her deep-throated cry of agreement rising up around me.

Christ, she feels amazing!

And if the mere act of being inside her doesn’t already feel like pure rapture, she then decides to up the ante even further.

"Fuck me, Drake," she demands, arching her lower back forward.

A guttural sound rattles my throat as she rolls her hips against me, cranking up the torsion as she pulls me in even deeper.

And I could've lost it then and there.

But somehow — whether through sheer force of will, or by the grace of God — I manage to tamp down the rapidly rising swell in order to heed her command.

Because this isn’t about me. This is about her. And I’m gonna make damn sure that she gets what she wants before I let myself cum inside her.

Even if it kills me.

Opening my eyes, I meet her hazel-green gaze with an affirmative smirk. "Yes, ma'am."

She wraps her legs around me expectantly...

...and I slam us together roughly, loudly, unapologetically.

She gasps beneath me, hands flying to the edge of the counter to grip it like an anchor in a storm, her entire body reverberating with the impact of our collisions.

But I don't stop. I can't. I pound into her like a man possessed... because I am. All semblance of logic, of reason, of God-given sense has evaporated and I devolve into the basest version of myself, one that is driven purely by lust and instinct.

And even though I know I won't be able to hold out, that I'll cave in the face of her rhapsodic screams and the almost painful pressure she’s putting on my dick, I'm powerless to pull the e-brake. If anything, it makes me rev the throttle even harder.

Because she just feels too damn good, and I've been at her mercy from the start.

Lifting my head, I lock eyes with her. And in those lust-blown, hazel-green depths, I see more than just need... more than just passion.

I see complete faith.

And it undoes me.

I explode into her with a ragged, animalistic cry, my body jerking with the force of my deliverance.

"Holy... fuck!"

The long-coveted wave of release crashes over me, wiping away my thoughts and my vision, and I'd be convinced that I passed out were it not for the high-pitched ringing in my ears and the thundering of my heart.

A few more pumps, a shuddered breath as the last swell rises, and I’m left drained, floating.

I stay there, motionless, revelling in that all-too brief moment of calm before the chaos of the world spins back up around me.

Sweet Jesus, that w—

Her warm lips brush against my sweat-streaked forehead, her honey-camomile scent drifting over me like a drunken haze...

I move to lean into her. "Harp—"

...but she's already gone.

The story continues in Chapter 11 - Cold Light of Day

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Sleepless in New York only

@bebepac

Picture Credits

Insomnia - Dawn - New York - Run - Swim - Drake - Pool

[barbieb0y]

over a slice of cake.

day 3 of scrunkly week yippee!!!!!!!!!

the theme is orange leaves! i went with the prompt sustenance mainly, but i was also inspired by all the other prompts, especially comfort.

you get the gist by now, i might as well tell you guys their ship name. my selfship with joe's name is uppercut! bc uh. paper cut + joe, big tough guy who reminds me of a fighting game character lowkey. i hope it makes sense to you guys too. anyway

Am I the incompetent one or is this cookbook not making any sense?

Joe thinks to himself, a whisk in one hand and the other hand prods the pages of a cookbook leaning against the kitchen wall. He’s diligently adhered to the instructions of a certain recipe yet the result is… simply not as ideal. Joe’s eyes flick between the picture in the book and his creation. The former has the fluff reminiscent of clouds on a sunny blue sky and its structure is as solid as a fortress. His, however, is slightly sagging and the texture itself is already crumbling when he cut out a slice for a taste test.

The taste itself is not bad, especially for a first ever attempt at baking. But the presentation is lackluster, which he obviously takes offense to. Presentation can make or break a creation, and quite literally in this case. But all he can do is sigh confusedly. Seeming as he is an amateur baker, he doesn’t think it advisable to try and fix the cake somehow. At least, that’s what his partner would tell him. In his heart, there is a desperation to try and save this cake.

Maybe thinking baking is no different to smithing was a bad assumption to make.

“Hope PC likes it anyway…”

“Hope I like what anyway?”

Joe swears he could feel the ceiling with how high he jumped from the shock. The aforementioned PC only raises an eyebrow at Joe’s strange reaction as he leans against the kitchen door-frame. There’s no hint of amusement in Paper Cut’s voice - which was the main reason why Joe made this attempt at an activity he normally wouldn’t take into consideration.

Paper Cut has been quieter than usual the last few days, which everyone knows is saying a lot. Shutting out the world is a common method for him to grab hold of his emotions but Joe worries that his lover is bottling them up instead of confronting them head on. Yet he knows best to not cross his boyfriend’s boundaries; so he thought perhaps some homemade comfort food would open a door to an honest conversation.

In theory, going the extra mile for Paper Cut is something Joe is always striving for. But in practice, that is only easy when they are on his bike together, riding off somewhere.

“Is that a sponge cake?”

It’s no secret that Paper Cut has quite the appetite (contrary to Joe’s own picky habits) and a few weeks back, he expressed his cravings for good old pastries. Buying them at bakeries has always been Joe’s go-to solution but there is a nagging inside his mind that has been telling him that he ought to try harder. And when Paper Cut resorted to going back to eating one meal a day just so he doesn’t have to be outside the guest room, Joe sprung into action.

And so the less-than-ideal Joe special was born.

“Yeah. I know it doesn’t look super appetizing–”

“What do you mean? It looks fine to me. Lemme have a slice.”

Paper Cut’s tone rises to a more lukewarm volume which ignites a small spark of hope inside Joe’s chest - it’s definitely an improvement from the icy cold shoulder he has (though unintentionally) been giving.

One slice leaves the cutting board. One very small yet very hopeful smile blooms.

“It’s good.”

Nothing more needs to be said. It’s good and he’s smiling, which is all Joe could hope for.

“I’m glad you think so. It is for you, after all.”

The smile falls from Paper Cut’s lips (to Joe’s dismay, but at least he isn’t outright frowning). He seems genuinely confused.

“For me?”

His head is tilted. It reminds Joe of a small cat. Paper Cut has joked about feeling like a stray cat that’s been taken in by a benevolent human like Joe when he moved into Joe’s place but Joe felt the comparison to be unfair to him. Paper Cut is more than a fragile stray cat that needs saving. He is a “doctor” that has saved people himself. If anything, Joe has always seen Paper Cut as the benevolent one. He doesn’t even make money doing what he does. Which is why Joe has joked, in return, that the other is a “cut above everyone”.

He’s earned a playful hit on the shoulder for it.

“I can see you’ve been feeling down lately. I didn’t wanna bother you and also you’re probably sick of outside food so I thought… I’d just make you something.”

Paper Cut is speechless. His expression is difficult to read but Joe can’t blame him for feeling conflicted, especially since he doesn’t know what he’s been fighting deep inside. So Joe will do all the talking.

“You haven’t been eating well lately. And you know if there’s one thing I don’t tolerate in this house, it’s people not getting the sustenance they oughta.”

Joe dons a serious expression. He doesn’t quite know what to say next but he believes his point is getting across well. Paper Cut’s gaze falls to his feet. Only the silent humming from the ceiling fan and the rustling of the autumn leaves outside the kitchen window fill in the space.

“...I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have shut you out like that.”

Paper Cut finally says after their ceiling fan’s third millionth rotation. Paper Cut acknowledges this as he looks upwards, though in his mind he hopes the fan’s next twirl can dry the tears that threaten to spill from the corner of his eyes.

“You’ve been nothing but kind and patient with me… which is honestly a luxury I’ve taken for granted.”

Paper Cut’s gaze stays on the fan but Joe puts a reassuring hand on his lover’s shoulder nonetheless. The latter waits patiently for his lover to continue. As he always does.

“I’ll try my best. But self-doubt can be a bitch.”

He says with an awkward laugh and he finally looks at Joe, the latter only offering a smile that can light up the whole of San Francisco. Paper Cut sighs, in an earnest attempt to leave behind his urge for isolation. He then moves to grab some tea bags and a kettle.

“...Let’s talk over a cup of tea. And some sponge cake.”

[humb1ug]

editing the plot of ouabh

--this book has so much lost potential, and by no means am i saying that i am a superior author or writer, but there are some things that i think could fit better into the story (and this is just a tumblr post anyways)

p.s: this is long

Evangeline Fox's lover, Luc Navarro, is going to marry her step-sister, Marisol. Like any perfectly rational person, Eva thinks that Luc must be under some sort of spell, or even a curse. So, she naively goes to the Prince of Hearts to seek help in stopping the wedding.

He apparently does exist, and tells her that in exchange, she will owe him three kisses from whomever he wishes, at any time he wishes. Desperately, she agrees. And even though he agrees to help her, he doesn't say what he will do. And with all these emotions and what's happened to her, she doesn't even think to ask.

Once she comes back, she finds that everyone at the wedding has turned to stone, including her beloved Luc Navarro. She's the only real person there. She goes up to Luc, and holding his body of stone, cries at his feet. Feeling even more desperate now, she hurries back to the Prince of Hearts, demanding some kind of alternative. He takes her back to the cursed wedding, and tells her if she turns herself to stone, everyone else will be repaired. Of course, she doesn't want to be stone, but she would rather live as a rock until someone eventually breaks her, than everyone she knows be stone forever.

Evangeline wakes up in a hospital, and Pietro (who is Poison and lies about his name, because she doesn't know he's is a Fate yet, and Jacks being the one who brought her to him because he still needs her for the Valory Arch. But, again, she doesn't know this yet, and assumes someone in her step-family brought her), is the one who helped her.

When Eva returns home, the day after, she goes looking for Marisol for some explanation. And in Marisol's room, she finds nothing but emptiness. Obviously, she goes to ask her step-mother, Agnes, and finds out that while she was literally stone, Luc and Marisol got married anyways, and Marisol has already moved in with Eva's ex-lover. Now she isn't so sure he was under a spell. She is angry and confused. Confused because she doesn't know if she's allowed to be in pain, because she did turn them all to stone, after all. She also thinks that maybe she should be happy for Marisol, because if it weren't for Luc, she certainly wouldn't have many options, since everyone has marked her as the Cursed Bride. Evangeline wonders if Marisol knew about her relationship with Luc.

Eva is being drowned in suitors because of her new reputation as some sort of savior. Of course, she doesn't feel this way, really, she feels more like a hypocrite and a liar. Although, she doesn't reject her suitors--a lot of the reason for that is also because of Agnes.

Two weeks later, the number of suitors have only doubled--and Eva didn't even know that this many people her age lived in her area. She's acquainted with a few, and really tries to make it stay that way. It's all being too much for her, especially since she still hasn't gotten over her ex-lover, and the last time she saw him, he was stone and about to marry her step-sister. Even with all this attention, all she is, is pain. But the hopeless romantic she is, she tries to find some kind of connection with the ocean of strangers.

One night, Luc and Marisol come over for dinner. Eva desperately does not want to see them, but she needs to know what happened.

Luc barely glances in her direction, and saves his lovey-dovey looks for Marisol. Eva's fighting tears the whole dinner, plastering fake smiles on her face. In fact, barely anyone regards her the whole dinner.

Before Luc and Marisol can leave, Eva tells Marisol that Agnes has to speak with her urgently, so Eva can get a moment alone with Luc. She tells him to follow her into a room, to which he obliges confusedly, and Eva asks him what the hell happened. Before asking, though, she throws a few insults in his face--and this is possibly the meanest she's ever been in a while, she thinks. But she doesn't care. For once, she doesn't seem to care. And after all this yelling and tears, Luc has no idea what she's going on about, and claims that they were never together in the first place. He doesn't remember us, Eva thinks. And apparently, Marisol was always his true love, Evangeline was never even an option. Now, she wasn't so sure he was under a spell, and perhaps he was just a piece of shit, but now she knows he's been cursed. She apologizes and bids him goodnight before Marisol can return, feeling embarrassed, but also somewhat more at peace for letting all of her emotions out. Although, she is somewhat happy that there's still a chance that Luc is actually cursed. Evangeline is sure it's wrong to feel good about that, but she can't help herself. It almost overshadows her embarrassment. But as she watches, from the window, her first love and another woman leaving, jealousy pricks at her skin, and haunts her the whole night. She is the other woman (couldnt help myself).

And on top of this, she finds out that Agnes has sold her father's Curiosity shop. And out of spite, she rejects half of her suitors. If Agnes doesn't care about Evangeline or what she wants, why should she care about her?

Evangeline goes back to the Prince of Heart's church, seeking some kind of solution for the mess she let him make. ''I knew I wouldn't have to go looking for you,'' he told her. He informs her that the mess between Luc and Marisol would have been there without him interfering, making her believe even more that Marisol or Agnes cursed her first love. And in exchange for helping her, he tells her that she still owes him three kisses. And the first one, he wants it to go to Crown Prince Apollo of the Magnificent North. Evangeline, obviously, thinks this is absurd and he needs to choose someone else. Jacks refuses, and says it's easier than she thinks.

Once they arrive, Jacks pays for an inn for Evangeline.

At one of the palace events, three days later, Eva meets a woman named LaLa, and also runs into a blue-haired Jacks. After Eva is done exchanging pleasantries with LaLa, he brings her into a room and informs her that he's 'Apollo's closest confidante', to which Eva snorts. He scowls at her, and with her permission, puts his blood on her lips so she can kiss Apollo. And if she doesn't kiss Apollo tonight, Jacks will turn her back to stone forever, since she wouldn't have gone through with their deal.

While Eva and Jacks walking towards Apollo, she hears rumors all around that Marisol is a Cursed Bride, and that she must have bewitched Luc. Some guilty part of Evangeline hopes this is true.

They both find Apollo elegantly posing on a balcony, and join him. ''This is my dear friend Evangeline Fox. You may have heard of her,'' Jacks told Apollo, hoping Eva wouldn't interrupt saying she wouldn't be his friend, and judging by her expression, he knew she wanted to.

Apollo, a lot more handsome than imagined, gives Eva a lazy grin, kissing her hand in introduction. And Evangeline knew exactly what kind of man he was. He wouldn't be hard to kiss, of course, it's just that Eva hadn't ever kissed anyone that wasn't Luc Navarro.

Jacks motions his hands from behind, as if to say, ''Get on with it already.''

Nervously, and as a girl who knew she had no idea what she was doing, gives him an abrupt peck and scurries away. ''Oh, I am doomed,'' Jacks said from under his breath.

Apollo is wide-eyed, but runs after Evangeline, needing more. Jacks shrugged. At least it worked. Embarrassingly, but it worked.

Evangeline had left the palace before Apollo could find her, almost tripping over her skirts more times than she could count. Once she is outside of palace grounds, she feels safe enough, and less in a 'I need to get out of here now' state, she starts walking to her inn, not caring enough to go back for a carriage.

The next day, Jacks breaks into her room, abruptly opening the curtains and making loud noises to wake her. ''You still owe me two kisses,'' he said. Evangeline couldn't argue.

They go to the Fortuna matriarch's castle, which greatly bothers the older woman, whose already snappy by nature. Before they arrived, Jacks had already put his blood across Eva's lips. ''You have to kiss her,'' he whispered. Eva's eyes widen. ''I am not kissing this poor old woman.''

''So you would rather be stone?'' he'd retorted. Eva sighs, and quickly kisses the old woman on the corner of her mouth (i did this because it didn't make sense to me that she kissed her on the cheek - did that mean that jacks's kisses were also fatal if he kissed on the cheek? if there was an actual reason, pls lmk lol).

The old woman slaps Evangeline, which would've knocked her to the floor if Jacks hadn't caught her. ''That was unnecessary,'' he told the woman coldly. The woman agrees, demanding that Evangeline let her make up for it.

Jacks's posture straightened, and he said, ''Evangeline has curiosity in your Vault. Isn't that right, my Fox?'' Evangeline has no choice but to agree, and seemingly has no reason to do otherwise anyways. She wants to tell him to not call her 'his Fox', but can't bring herself to, thinking it's too mean.

Walking down the old woman's long hallways, Evangeline fills in the awkward silence with even more awkward small talk.

The old woman opens her Vault, revealing the Valory Arch. Evangeline doesn't think she'd ever seen Jacks's eyes sparkle so much in. . .hope? Why would a creature like him need to feel hope?

''Evangeline wants to know everything there is about this arch,'' he'd demanded. The woman blinks and hesitates, but Jacks nudges his head toward her subtly, as if to say, ''Get me what I want. Go convince her.''

Evangeline hesitantly hugs the older woman. ''Miss, where I am from, there is no such thing as wonder. Here, I've found so many incredible, impossible things, that part of everyone's everyday lives. Please, will you show me? It is all that I ask.'' When the woman hesitantly nods, Evangeline thinks she might've seen a glint of hidden approval in Jacks's expression. Well, Evangeline didn't need his approval. Why should she care about that, right? She needed to focus. She was kissing all these people for Luc.

Before the older woman opens the vault, she said, ''I take it you do not know of the prophecy.'' Evangeline nods. ''It goes something like: 'This arch may only be unlocked with a key that is not yet forged. Conceived in the North, and born in the South, you will know this key, because she will be crowned in rose gold. She will be both peasant and--'' Jacks had cut her off before she could proceed.