#literally the second im able to sit down and talk to people almost Nobody is online what is up w that. this always happens i hate it here

[dreamcast-official]

im gonna start screaming

[ghostlywritten]

If Only I Had Stayed In The Shadows - Chapter Twelve

James Potter x OC

A/N: At last, the long awaited chapter. Sorry for the wait, my laptop has been failing on me. Hope you enjoy.

Words: 3,8k

Prologue  Chapter One   Chapter Two  Chapter Three  Chapter Four  Chapter Five  Chapter Six  Chapter Seven  Chapter Eight  Chapter Nine  Chapter Ten  Chapter Eleven

It was the last weekend before the beginning of the exams for literally everybody. The library was packed with not a single seat unoccupied as well as the common room, where people had even taken to sitting on the floor to study, the dorms being too sitfling.

I had been one of the lucky ones to get a seat at a table, revising my notes with James next to me.

"How do you brew the Elixir to Induce Euphoria?"

"You add shrivelfig, porcupine quills and stir four times anti-clockwise. Then you add a sprig of peppermint, Sopophorous beans and wormwood and stir six times anti-clockwise," James recited, twirling a strand of my hair between his fingers.

"That is correct."

"Yes!"

"Alright, your turn-"

"Hey, what about my reward?" James asked and I looked at him questioningly, "My kiss?" He pouted and I gave in almost immediately, not being able to resist his big earth-coloured eyes as I leant forward to press my lips against his.

"Hmm, that's it," he hummed approvingly and it made my face grow as I thought of him saying it during certain other circumstances. I was a girl, a sixteen year old girl, and of bloody course my mind would wander towards certain things that I could be doing instead of studying, now that I had a boyfriend...things, that I couldn't have had managed before on my own. And with a boyfriend as hot as mine I couldn't help but let my gaze linger whenever he stretched himself during Quidditch warm-ups, causing his shirt to deliciously rile up and reveal his abs, or watching him bite his lips whenever he concentrated hard on something, wishing he would bite me-

"Love? Cec? Hellooo?" James snapped his fingers in front of my face and I blinked. "Are you spacing out on me? Siriusly? After you dragged my ass to sit and study with you? Jeez, then ungratefulness stinks," he huffed in mock-annoyance and I shook my head to get the thoughts out.

"Sorry. What were you saying?"

"It's my turn. What colour does the Potion have and what is it for?"

"The colour should be a bright yellow and as the name implies, it's supposed to induce the drinker in a sudden euphoria."

"That is absolutely correct!"

"Of course it is," I replied arrogantly, flinging my hair before giggling. James smirked, leaning forward. "Come and get your reward then." My heart leaped in my chest but I managed to stop him with a hand on his chest. "Nah, I'm good," I teased with a shrug, briefly wondering where Marlene was. She would have been so proud of me right now. James frowned for a second before promptly throwing himself on me. "Uff, James!" I exclaimed, pearls of laughter escaping as he snuck his arms around me to lessen the blow of landing on the hard floor, pinning me down effectively with his body.

"How dare you reject my generous offer of rewarding you with a kiss?" James said gravely, chuckles drifting through his words, "You shall be punished with more rewards."

"Bite me!"

"Gladly!" I squealed as he started attacking my neck, nipping playfully at the sensitive skin.

"Can you stop with your childish antics?!” Lily's voice ripped through our laughter. She stood up with a peeved look, gathering her things. "Some people are actually trying to study!" She stormed off before any of us could form an answer.

James sprang up, adjusting his glasses as he held out a hand for me whilst looking after her. I brushed off any dirt from my clothes and went to sit down.

"I should probably go and check on her," he suggested and I wanted to ask why when he was already taking off.

"Alright," I said lamely to his back, watching until he disappeared through the portrait hole. I plopped back down on my seat, glancing at Alice, who was completely immersed in her notes, not even aware her best friend's departure. Looking down at my own notes, I tried to focus but my eyes kept drifting from word to word without taking anything in as my mind kept replaying the way James ran after Lily with little to no hesitation. 

'You're thinking too much into it...

...I wonder what they are doing right now...'

I sighed loudly, frustrated that I couldn't let it go. Peeking at the only studious girl at the table, I stood up. "I'm...gonna go to the loo," I excused myself and left when I received no response.

Walking out of the common room, I promptly slapped myself on the forehead.

Was I really going to follow them like a creepy, insecure girlfriend? Obviously.

Was I going to find them with the head start they had now? Obviously not. Dumbass.

Glancing back at the portrait of the Fat Lady guarding our entrance, I pondered whether to go back inside or try looking for them. Lily was most likely heading to the library to join Remus at his study table that he had occupied since this morning. I cringed at my own behaviour when I decided to look for them. 'Im just making sure she's fine so I can focus back on my exams,' I reassured myself, 'Nothing creepy about tha-'

"Ow-!"

"Oi, Cec," Sirius greeted me gruffly, holding onto my arm until I steadied myself as he had bumped against me quite strongly, "Sorry about that. Didn't see you from the corner."

"It's all good," I replied, glad for the distraction as I straightened my robe and looked up at him. He seemed distraught, his hair unkempt and his tie hanging loosely around his neck. I would have guessed he had a good snogging session if it weren't for the sad glistening in his eyes. "Hey Sirius," I called softly as he fidgeted, already turning away, "Is everything alright?"

"Hm?" he looked over his shoulder, his expression carefully blank, "Yeah, of course. Everything is fine. Why?"

I shrugged, not wanting to point out how he seemed less than his usual joyful facade. "Just asking. Where you've been anyway? I thought we would study together in the common room?"

His face twisted into something akin to anguish and I furrowed my eyebrows. "I was with Reg..ulus," he said, turning away.

"Did som-"

"Look, I don't wanna talk about it," he snapped.

"Sirius..." He stormed off towards the portrait hole and I was left staring after a back for the second time this day. I felt the worry built up, sensing that something bad must have happened. Because, no matter how hurt or angry Sirius was, he was always very good at hiding it. Unless he was drunk or something major had happened. And since he didn't seem drunk right now...my feet started moving before my mind had been made up, walking back towards the Fat Lady and pushing every thought of James and Lily into the back of my mind. This was urgent, my platonic soulmate was in pain after all.

Stepping into the common room, I spotted the black-haired boy rush up the boys dormitory and steeled myself before following him upstairs, hoping nobody saw me step to left instead of the right passage towards the rooms. I tentatively walked down the small hallway I had never dared to step in in all my six years before, searching the signs on the doors for the Sixth Year's dormitories. Pressing an ear on one of the doors, I listened for any sound. Fortunately, there were some shuffles and the familiar voice of my friend cursing as he dropped something heavy. Just as I contemplated on whether to knock, the door swung up revealing Sirius, who had rid himself of his robe and jumper, holding a bottle of Firewhiskey in his hand and the other tightly wound around the door handle.

"What are you doing?" he asked, narrowing his shining eyes.

"I-"

"Just leave," he grumbled, his voice tense as he was holding back the tears that hadn't fallen yet. Dread filled me now as he rushed past me to the bathroom, shutting the door soundly behind him. Something was seriously wrong. This time, I didn't hesitate to follow him, pushing back the cringe at opening a boy's bathroom and peeking in. The room was empty except for one shower cabinet in the far back where the water was turned on, running at full blast.

"Sirius, I hope you are not naked, because I'm coming in," I warned, giving him a second before I opened the cabinet to find him sitting on the floor, drinking from the bottle of Firewhiskey as the water pattered down on him.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" he mumbled, his voice thick and croaky from the burn of the alcohol, "I don't want to talk about it." He leaned his head back, closing his eyes as the water trickled down on his face and further, drenching his clothes.

"We don't need to talk," I said quietly, hoping he could hear me over the water, "I just wanna be here for you." And with that, I stepped in fully-clothed and closed the cabinet door behind me, sliding down next to him as I proceeded to get completely wet in a less than a few seconds. Sirius kept quiet, only raising his bottle to me before pressing it against his own lips when I shook my head, wondering which of the drops trailing down his face were from the shower head and which from his sorrowful eyes.

I wasn't sure how long we sat there but Sirius got up after what seemed like hours, clearing his throat as he lowered the water volume. "I'm...gonna get you the Invisibility Cloak so you can sneak out. Wait here." I nodded. "And don't turn the water off or someone might come in." I nodded again and he stepped over me, pushing the door open and disappearing from sight. I sighed as he left, trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling of my clothes sticking to my skin. He came back after a few minutes with cloak and wand in hand, casting a Hot Air Charm over me as I got up and turned off the shower head. It was completely silent, but somber in some way as we proceeded to walk out of the bathroom with me under the cloak and him at the front. He held the door open, squinting to see if I had passed and I mumbled a quiet 'thanks' when I was out.

Nodding, he stepped out as well, shoving his hands into his pockets, having dried himself as well. "I will...see you around," he said, a softness in his voice and slightly slurring, "I'm just gonna head to bed."

I nodded before realising he couldn't see me. "Okay. Sleep well, Sirius."

"You too."

Turning away, I took a few steps when I heard Sirius whisper my name. "Cec, I- thank you. For being there," he stammered, seeming uncharacteristically unsure of himself. I wondered then, how many people he had shown his emotional side before. Guessing from what I knew about him, I would say it dwindled down to the four people he kept the closest plus maybe Regulus. It warmed me, that he now included me into that circle as well even if I kind of forced him to as I had followed him around. "Cec?" he called out questioningly, his grey eyes flittering around as he pondered whether I was still there or not. I quickly stepped back towards him, carefully taking his hand and squeezing it slightly. "You're more than welcome, Sirius," I whispered and his eyes softened when I raised my cloak to let him see me for a split second. "Good night."

"Good night."

Walking down to the common room, I noticed a considerably less amount of people were gathered around to study, mostly Fifth and Seventh Years. But Alice was still there and even Marlene had joined her, though her face rested on her notes as she drooled on them, fast asleep. Glancing at the clock on the wall, I noticed it was past nine o'clock. The thoughts of Lily and James that I had pushed into the back of my mind resurfaced and I swept the room with my eyes in search of either of them. There was no way Lily would have gone to bed so early on the last days before the exam and I briefly remembered all the times we had together to study until past midnight for our O.W.L.'s last year. 'Was she still at the library?' But the library had been closed for an hour now.

My stomach grumbled in that moment and the sound resonated throughout the otherwise quiet room. I blushed, despite the fact that no one could see me under the cloak, as a few heads raised in confusion. Only now did I realise how hungry I was since I had missed dinner and also skipped lunch earlier this day. 'A quick snack from the kitchen it is,' I decided, walking towards the entrance and out of the common room. 'And on my way I can make a short detour to see if Lily actually managed to convince Madam Pince to let her stay past the closing hours to study. Wouldn't put it past her to play the Prefect Card for this.'

Skipping down the stairs, I took the corridor to the library and found it entirely deserted. I sighed relieved, not knowing what exactly I was relieved for, as I turned away to head towards the kitchen. The halls were empty and dark, with the occasional light of the half-moon breaking through the tall windows and I breathed in the fresh air of a summer night, enjoying the peaceful silence as I strolled towards the kitchen.

But the peace would only last for so long.

I reached the corridor with the painting of the fruit bowl, fastening my steps as my stomach gave another protesting growl. Just when I was about to tickle the pear in the painting, anticipating all the good food the elves would cook in a matter of minutes, the door opened from the inside, nearly banging against my forehead. I stumbled back as the door swung to the side, revealing James. My heart skipped a beat in surprise but also at the sight of twinkling eyes that seemed unnaturally light in all the darkness surrounding us. Grinning, I grasped at the hem of the cloak, ready to spook him when he turned back towards the kitchens, engulfing his face in a warm glow of light coming from the big room.

A shadow crossed his features and he held his hand out for Lily, who was laughing softly as she took it, letting him help her out of the hole. "Thanks," she said.

"You are very welcome," James replied with a grin as the door shut close, engulfing us all in a sudden darkness. I blinked, squinting in hopes to see better as my eyes adjusted. For a second everything was silent before the two started walking. Biting my lip, I followed them before I could think about what I was doing. 'We are all headed to the same direction, I can't help it that I need to walk behind them. And since I'm not hungry anymore- oh, who am I kidding, I'm starving,' I complained to myself, cursing my brain for having the urge to spy on the two in all my insecure glory.

They walked in silence for a while before standing on the staircase.

"Thanks for the food," Lily spoke up as they waited for the stairs to stop moving, "I really needed it."

"Figures. You didn't eat anything today," James replied.

"How do you know that?"

"Eh," I could practically feel him blush as he stammered for an answer. "I just saw you and Cec studying all day, so I guessed that you hadn't eaten anything yet. Cec hasn't at least."

"Right," Lily said quietly, walking up the stairs as they stopped moving. I followed silently, watching the moon reflect on her brilliant red hair and noticing James did, too. "You know, I was surprised how you two suddenly got together."

"Hm?" James hummed, looking at his shoes as he stuffed his hands into the pockets of his robes.

"I mean, one day you were asking me out and the other you were suddenly hanging around with her and started dating," Lily said in joking manner and James chuckled along, though I couldn't grasp the joke in it. "It was...surprising, yeah," she ended awkwardly and the mood turned somber.

"Well, I guess it surprised a lot of people," James chuckled again, seemingly nervous as he ran a hand through his messy mop of hair. "But, Cec is great. She is amazing, really," he added, his voice turning steady and gentle, tugging at my heart strings. I felt a smile form on my face.

"She is quite great, yeah," Lily agreed softly. Now I felt bad for eavesdropping. 'You're siriusly messed up, dumbass,' I scolded myself. But I didn't stop. "I'm happy for you guys. It's nice to see Cec so happy and seeing a normal side of you."

James scoffed, "Normal?"

"What?" Lily giggled.

"What side of me has not been normal before?"

"I'm just saying, it's refreshing to know a side of you that wouldn't enchant cupids to read me sappy poems and throw pink glitter all over me," Lily recalled, laughing to herself as James blushed beet-red.

"Well, normal is overrated anyway," he muttered into his tie, smiling as Lily bumped her fist against his arms.

"I kinda miss it," she said and I noticed her eyes widen as soon as the sentence left her mouth. James' lips quirked up, his eyes shining. "Do you now?" he asked smugly, laughing as she slapped his arm.

"I mean," she started but paused. The mood turned slightly somber as she fiddled with her sleeve.

"You mean?" James prompted almost eagerly and I bit my lip, the tugging in my heart strings turning to harsh pulls.

Lily sighed, "It's nothing. Just, now that I know the 'normal' side of you, the one, you probably show to your friends and Cec...I think, all the stuff you used to do was quite endearing."

James kept quiet for a second. "You mean, when I endlessly chased after you?"

"All the things you did to ask me out. The cupids, the flowers, the sweets...," I distinctly heard Lily gulp as she stopped and turned towards him, causing him to falter in his steps, too. "I didn't recognise it back then, but it must have cost you a lot of effort and I think that's sweet..." James held his breath. "...and a little bit excessive." They both chuckled lightly before turning quiet, staring at the other.

"So, it was not for nothing after all," James muttered softly, almost as if he were dazed as he stared into her eyes. I clutched at the cloak tightly, feeling cold all of a sudden.

Lily cocked her head to the side, strands of red hair gliding over her shoulder like ocean waves. "Yeah. It did not get me to say yes back then, but..."

"But?" James pressed, taking a step forward.

Lily took a deep breath as if she were preparing herself for something, "But...if I had known this side of you before, I might have agreed. To- you know." I stilled, my tight grip on the cloak loosening slightly. James' eyes widened and I could see the elation spread through his face even if he didn't smile.

"To going out with me?" he asked breathlessly. Lily hesitated before she nodded. For a minute, we all stood in silence as James stared at her, dumbfounded. Lily's eyes flickered around as if she were scared to get caught. "Anyway, it doesn't matter!" she stated, too loudly for the quiet atmosphere, "I mean, you are with Cec now and you guys are happy."

"Yeah...yeah we are," James said, still in stupor.

"Yeah, so..." Lily gestured forward, turning to start walking again.

"But what if we aren't?" James spoke up, causing her to halt in her footsteps. My heart stopped.

"What?" she asked, looking at him over her shoulder.

It was James' turn to take a deep breath as if he were preparing himself for something, "What if Cec and I weren't happy?"

Lily furrowed her eyebrows. "What do you mean? You guys look besotted with each other."

"Yeah, that's the thing," James said firmly, determination flooding his features. "We look like we are besotted with each other. It was an act." I swayed slightly as if I had been punched in the chest. "It was just an act." It was just an act. The words seemed to echo in the hallway, pounding relentlessly into my eardrums as I stood frozen, staring the bespectacled boy.

"It was an act?" Lily asked incredulously. James nodded. She turned towards him fully in disbelief. "You were acting like you were together?!" James nodded again. "Why?"

"I was trying to show you a more civil side of me," he said and my eyes widened. 'Be civil' I heard my own voice resonate through my mind. I tried to keep my breathing even as my chin trembled. "I wanted you to see what kind of guy I am since you wouldn't go out with me. I wanted you to see the real me. How I would be if we were together."

Lily stared at him. "I don't even know what to say...," she trailed off.

"Since you appreciated all the efforts I put into asking you out, you could appreciate this as well?" James asked hopefully and I was starting to feel sick. It was just an act. Something in me shattered. I turned away, trying to shield the little, constricting organ in my chest from his words.

"But wait, is Cec part of this? How is she managing to pretend this whole time?" she pondered and James' face fell. Noticing this, she narrowed her eyes at him. "Is she pretending, James? Does she know about your relationship being an act?"

James tensed up, biting his lip as he glanced away and it was all the answer that Lily needed. Her emerald green eyes widened. "James...," she breathed in disbelief, "How could you do this to her?"

"Listen, Cec won't take it too hard," James tried as Lily shook her head in disbelief, "She knows it's nothing serious. We've grown closer, yes, as friends."

"I don't think she sees it like that," Lily responded and I chose that moment to walk away. Because she was absolutely right.

Chapter Thirteen

[eremiie]

i saw this post here and just wanted to dissect everything lmao

aot 139 spoilers 

“Eren admits that he literally killed 80% of the world’s population, he then says he only did it so it would look like eldians stopped a threat”

eren admit to killing 80% of the population bc he did... he’s admitting to what he did, and he says that he wanted to paint them to be the heroes— but not only did he do that, he ended the curse of ymir and gained freedom for his people. it wasn’t just to paint them as heroes

“He also did it so the rest of the world couldnt murder them”

he didn’t “also” do it for that reason, it was an effect, the rumbling ended up killing so many people that they can’t wage war on the eldians like eren says, it keeps them a little safe which they needed especially since some of humanity knows that paradis is what started the rumbling. it’s a cause and effect type thing. because eren killed 80% of the population that remaining population won’t be able to retaliate and try to kill the eldians since there are so little of them

the tybur family is treated like some of martyr and apparently pulling the strings which led to the deaths of millions of innocent eldians was actually a GOOD thing

this scene was interpreted wrong, armin says “...so you want us to be like the tyburs after the great titan war? we’re supposed to protect paradis from reprisal from humanity outside the walls?” he’s asking eren if that’s what they’re gonna do, he never says it’s a good thing. then that’s when eren explains that either way so much of humanity is destroyed that they wouldn’t be able to retaliate if they wanted to

Armin THANKS him for it

armin thanks eren for doing what he did to free them. not thanking eren for for mass murder period. it’s because of eren that the curse is lifted and that they are free and that’s what armin’s thanking eren for. mass murder is inexcusable, and eren knows that. that’s why after he panics and goes “but i dont want to die!” he comes to a realization that all the people he killed didn’t want to either, that the only way to atone for his sins is by dying himself. even if he didn’t die he would’ve probably been executed, or imprisoned for the rest of the life. just like in mikasa’s ova, “eren’s death is inevitable, no matter what reality you go to eren will always die because he carries death within himself.” 

in another translation of the chapter armin thanks eren for being the bad guy so that they could win. he knows what eren did was bad. he’s not excusing it, he just understands why eren had to do it and that eren had no choice if he wanted them to be free. 

from the get go freedom was one of the themes of eren’s character. if eren lived the whole entire world would be ruins and eren would’ve been even sadder than now, there would be nobody and it would’ve been worse than it is now. eren killing everyone was definitely not the ending to go. the ending we have could’ve been executed differently, sure, but in my eyes since i get the gist i think isa did an amazing job portraying what he had in mind. 

“Armin is more upset with Eren saying he doesnt know how he feels about Mikasa moving on than mass genocide”

once again, armin isn’t all that upset with eren because he understands that eren had a path laid out for him that he had no choice to follow. the point of eren committing mass genocide keeps getting brought up as if it’s not know that mass genocide is a terrible thing. it is and that’s why everyone was so angry about it from the get go, that’s why that one plan of blackmailing humanity with the rumbling and not actually go through with it was brought up once— because they knew how cruel it is. armin knew how cruel it is as i believe it was him who brought that up

he’s upset with eren about mikasa’s feelings in like a banter kind of way. it’s like “this whole entire time this is how you felt but you couldn’t tell her that and let her suffer???? don’t forget what you said to her, she went through hell!” kind of thing. they had already talked about the whole mass genocide thing, mikasa was the next topic of discussion

“Eren then finally shows some fucking emotion and cries abt how he doesn’t want mikasa to be with anyone but him”

in another post i say, "okay so first i think the issue is that a lot of people fail to realize that the way eren acted all throughout season 4 isn’t eren really, that is him putting his emotions at bay so that he can complete something that he laid out for himself for his friends.eren from season 1-3 still exists, and that’s lowkey the eren that was talking the whole time in chapter 139— you can see the how he cares for his friends, you can see the desperation again, the compassion, everything in between.” 

eren is still that s1-3 eren, season 4 eren just had to put his emotions aside so he could walk on the path that ymir put in front of him. 

him crying over mikasa was one of his selfish desires coming to light, and it was realistic. it’s finally dawning on him that he’s gonna die, he’s finally getting to sit down and ponder about mikasa, he’s getting desperate, he’s panicking, and that compassion that he’s always had for his friends is showing through again. this gives realism to his character— it makes his character all the more human. one second he’s complaining about how he doesn’t want to die and wants to be with his friends bc its crashing on him, and the very next second he’s trying to be at peace with himself, realising that the only way to atone for what he caused is by dying. one second he’s complaining about how he wants miksa to be with anyone but him, the next second he’s coming to terms with himself and that mikasa needs to move on, because he loves her and wants her to live a long and happy life even if it means without him. the selfishness that showed for that mere second makes his character realistic. it shows that he’s still whiny, that little whiny angry boy from s1-3. he was never heartless and he was never cold. he was and is still eren jaeger, and you get a glimpse of the eren we know in that scene.

The founder ymir was apparently in love with the king???? another women stupidly devoted to a man, great.

i’m not too in depth with ymirs story so im not gonna speak too much about this because i myself do wish that whole love thingy went more into depth. i get how mikasa and ymir parallel each other, but other than that i’m not too sure myself, and i’ll admit that. it could be a case of stockholm syndrome, it could be that bc ymir was infatuated with living and she was confined to such a familial role she wanted to live in that role again with the king bc he’s the only person who gave her that familial lifestyle. i’m not sure. but if anything mikasa was im pretty sure the only character “devoted” to a man in aot. and it was because of the role eren played in her life, she’s not a bad written character, she has her developement. which i explain here

apparently mikasa’s unhealthy devotion to eren is what took her out of it????? in fact the series overly romanticizes mikasa’s love for eren despite the two having no chemistry and eren being an ass to her

in a sense, but that’s a simple minded way of saying it. ymir’s devotion to king fritz was unhealthy, eren describes it as “agony of love” because it was pretty unhealthy obvi. like i said ymir and mikasa parallel each other, and seeing mikasa be able to let go and kill the one she loves was that realization for ymir that she was able to do the same thing— that’s how i interpret that scene personally.

and in mikasa doing so, killing eren lifts that curse of ymir and frees ymir regardless, so ymir was happy about that as well. thanks to mikasa for cutting eren’s head off. 

the series doesn’t necessarily over romanticize mikasa’s love for eren in my opinion. how i see it is that since eren is a big part of mikasa’s character he was necessary for her development as well, and her development was to let eren go because of how infatuated she was with him. this being said the series points out how unhealthy the way she loved him was especially in s1-3, and her love becomes more healthy when she gets her development in chap 139, finally being able to let eren go and move on. compare that to in the s1 when eren almost dies and she’s ready to die as well. thats development if you ask me. 

one of the themes of the show is sacrifice, and almost every character has made one, mikasa sacrifices eren— she kills him and she chooses to go through with that decision despite how much she loves him. 

eren was definitely mean to mikasa in s1-3 because she was overbearing, and thats one reason why i say the way she loved him was unhealthy at first. eren wasn’t able to reciprocate her love in the way that she loved him because it wasn’t healthy. eren also wasn’t able to reciprocate it because the last thing he was focused on was the concept of love. once again he had a path laid out for him that he had no choice but to follow, and mikasa didn’t have any play in this path until the very end, so the boy who keeps moving forward does just that and doesn’t pay her much mind, doesn’t get to sit down and think about his feelings for her, what she is to him.

(and i dont think i even need to explain the “mikasa i’ve always hated you seen, the chapter covers that enough)

they do have chemistry time to time, the eren v dina fritz scene, the scarf scene, “what am i to you”, little stuff like that goes into play and gives them these little sparks of chemistry. they couldn’t always grasp onto the full scope of the relationship they had and it was only some times they were able to do that with everything going on.

apparently the titans are just gone now….??? i cant even tell if its because Eren died or because Mikasa really made Ymir calm down

... eren controlling rumbling, eren dies rumbling stops, ymir finally lifts curse bc 1) eren died 2) shes able to come to realization that like mikasa lets eren go, she needs to let fritz go and the curse go. ymir lifts curse, eren’s goal is complete, if titan curse is lifted there are no more titans

Characters who murdered thousands and were the cause for AOT’s entire plot in the first place are now treated as heroes to the eldians… despite the shit that they did.

everyone in aot did some “shit” they all are murders, eren commited mass genocide, reiner commited mass murder, annie murdered so many people, reiner, armin destroyed thousands of people in one go, they all have killed somebody. they are seen as “heros” because they stopped the rumbling that was going to kill everyone else...... idk about you but if you just saved me from a horrid death, my racist opinion on you doesn’t really matter because you just saved my fucking life lmao, yes despite the shit that you did— because they have killed people too, and they were ready to kill the eldians still until armin told them that they killed eren, that they saved their lives and eliminated titans for good.... like whew???

the series went from “The military is cool” to “the military did a lot of fucked up shit” to “the military is SUPER cool”, and buffed it up

i’m not really sure where you got that tbh,, like the military wasn’t really a big thing up until the whole marleyan thing??? and they didn’t have much plot in the story besides it existing so like i’m not sure what to say ab this, i can’t really remember many times the military was even mentioned until now, but if anyone wants to elaborate on this for me that’d be nice

oh and they buffed up the military because since paradis had eren jaeger who started the rumbling, just in case, they had to be ready to fight again if the rest of humanity wanted to do something. after marley they updated all their technology, why can’t they update the military as well? it’s realistic, new weapons, new military, and all that

The military was buffed up bc the eldians are scared of the rest of the world retaliating, so Eren didn’t really fix shit except giving the Eldians an upper hand in the war

eren jaeger was the one who always screamed “i will kill all titans, we will get freedom” ya de ya de ya.... didn’t he do both of those things????? i thought those were some of his main goals as a character, he fixed those issues, the issues that have been issues since the start of the show

the rest of humanity don’t know the full scope like the eldians or marleyans, they’re probably just as scared and like in real life not all nations are at peace with one another. this is just another realistic factor— attack on titan is becoming a world closest to the real one we live in, there are militaries, there are still conflicts, there is still all these little aspects that bring the manga even more to life.

in my opinion it’d lowkey be weird if the rest of the world was just like “oh yeah those mfs that started the rumbling we love them haha” no... it killed 80% of the population like eren said... that’s not something to love.

Historia has a really disturbing speech about how the fight isnt going to end until either the Eldians or the rest of the world are exterminated, despite Gabi has an entire arc about her being deradicalized and learning to see the other side of things.

and yes i am not kidding, the heroic conclusion is that there’s still going to be a war, eldians are going to commit mass genocide (which was proposed by eren) and people straight up thank eren for the evil shit he did.

“this fight will not end until either eldia or the world dissapears. this is what eren said and he may be right.” she doesn’t say that it’s for sure gonna be a fight until one or the other is wiped out, she says there’s a possibility of this being the case because of the fact that these nations aren’t at complete peace yet. 

not everyone is gonna be able to see the other side of things, and this applies to the whole word— us as humans will never be able to agree on one thing, and that’s what this shows. no matter what the cycle of hatred will always continue, and this applies to real life and this manga. we are human beings and that’s what makes what historia says even more real. “this is the world we live in, a world without titans.” titans are no longer their conflict. now it’s only like the real word— humans against humans, and as far as humanity existed it’s always been humans against humans. historia’s speech shows that.

the heroic conclusion is that as a human race nothing will always be agreed upon, eldians are going to fight if they need to like our military fights when they need to. people are thanking eren for freeing them and ending the curse of titans that they suffered with for 2000 years. nobody’s thanking him for his actions of mass genocide, they are thanking him for the motive behind his actions, and thats what makes him so heroic.

that he endured and did something so terrible so that anybody who lives after him can be free, and humanity can continue existing as humanity should’ve existed from the beginning.

and that concludes this for me, thanks for reading<3.

[regina-cordium]

WAIT FUCK I WAS GONNA POST MY HC’D QUARTER ELVES hey it’s thursday i’ll cr even if im not watching cr

Vesper Elaina - The Heir™️. has her mother’s mind for sums and economy. one of those ppl who always seems so calm and regal and put together, but she will be the FIRST to cause problems on purpose!!!!! aunt cassandra taught her how to pick locks and she uses it for Shenanigans. who’s gonna think it’s her!!!! who’s gonna accuse vesper, with her gentle smile and cool bearing!!!!!!!!

Madeleine Joanna - Twin 1. okay maddie’s the one i like. projected™️ on or whatever. when i pictured my lil fics, maddie was the main de rolo in ‘em. ranger/gunslinger. had a bit of a breakdown™️ at like 19. yknow those moments where ur like “oh my god im gonna amount to nothing i dont have any skills or hobbies im not good at ANYTHING” except theres the added bonus of ur parents and aunts and uncles Literally Saved The World and all ur siblings are really talented and clearly know what they’re doing and everybody’s looking at you so you uuuhhhh go to wildemount to hide at ur uncle’s place! and ur brother comes with! and then y’all get kidnapped by cerberus assembly fucks hoping to ransom y’all for white stone! ...........fuck wildemount. joins slayers take!

(oh shit i almost forgot, her animal companion is a raven named valor)

Percival Fredrickstein von Musel Klossowski de Rolo IV (you can call him Freddie) - Twin 2. unflappable. calm, cool, and collected, much like vesper but less mischief. training to be a cleric of sarenrae. he and maddie are thick as thieves, got that Twintuition to the nth degree. Fuck Wildemount! they don’t talk abt it.

(percy was hesitant in naming their first son after himself. the de rolo name is heavy enough; they’re going to add the extra mantle of percival? how can percy - a man who was driven to the edge by anger and hatred and vengeance - weigh his newborn son with that legacy?

it’s keyleth who convinces him, actually. she’s starting to figure out a thing or two about legacy, and how they don’t have to be an ouroboros of self-destruction)  

Cecil - he’s sitting in the library. you get up to get a book. you sit back down. he has a fully functioning clockwork figure. how the fuck. where did those gears come from. cecil. cecil, where did you hide those??

Adelaide Keyleth - tries SO HARD to be vesper’s mini-me. follows behind her like a little duckling, holding herself tall and stately. is learning all of vesper’s tricks and pranks. god, someone stop her. she’s so SMALL for her age she can slip into the SMALLEST cracks. holy shit. took to archery like a fish to water. can shoot a moving target from a mile away. likes to shoot fruit out of people’s hands. a menace, truly.

Julian - nerd (affectionate). rarely seen without a book, and if he is he’s got a notebook instead. everything fascinates him. one second he’s reading about the history of emon, the next he’s reading about the latest developments in transmutation magic. lil wizard boy.

Viola Valora - A Child. what do children like?? seven year olds like hitting things right?? uncle grog is so good at hitting things. she wants to hit things as good as him!!! it’s not her fault nobody makes weapons small enough for her :(

Vax’ildan - A Literal Baby.

(vex was so scared to name a child after her brother. what if it worked like some kind of curse? what if it was asking for trouble, for fate to deal one more cruel hand? what if she wasn’t able to protect this Vax too?

it’s the ravens that convince her, especially the one that stands on her shoulder and peers down as the squirming newborn before throwing its head back and letting out a noise that sound suspiciously like a whoop of victory)

[soulwillower]

heather • richie tozier

(richie tozier x reader)

[based off the song heather by conan gray]

requested:   OMG I HAVE AN IDEA IDK IF ITS GOOD AND IDK WHY IM TYPING IN ALL CAPS BUT CAN U DO A FIC WHERE LIKE ITS BASED OF YHE SONG HEATHER BY CONAN GRAY WHERE THE READER AND RICH HAVE BEEN BEST FRIENDS FOR SO MANY YEARS AND HAVE FEELINGS FOR EACHOTHER BUT THERE BOTH SO OBLIVIOUS- SO WHEN RICHIE LIKE GETS A GF ONE DAY THE READER JUST WHSKWHDIWHWIW IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT BUT LIKE AT THE END THEY REALIZE THEYRE IN LOVE. SORRY IF ITS TOK SPECIFIC. LOVE U. IM RUNNING OUTTA CHARACTERS 

warnings: swearing, mentions of underage drinking, themes of cheating but no actual cheating, angst, fluff at the end, unedited.

thank u guys so much for being so patient with this fic <3 love u all so much!

[losers + reader are  18+ in this.]

4.4k words

(also, this fic starts with a flashback and idk if i like this style, but lmk if it works) 

♡

the persistent beat thudding in your ears seems to do nothing more than dim your already low mood as you sip on lemonade by yourself in someone's basement bar, sitting on an uncomfortable metal barstool and leaning your head heavy against your chin.

these days, it seemed as though the world was painted in gray.

you look around almost lazily; bev and ben went outside in the snow a couple minutes ago, stan just took a girl upstairs - you're left alone now, because mike and eddie had to study for their exam and bill was feeling under the weather. and richie, as usual, was late.

there's almost twenty other people in the room right now, but you have no desire to speak to any of them. you've been trying to have fun tonight, but you're just having a hard time, feeling distracted and unable to stop thinking about wire framed glasses and a certain bright smile.

your wandering eyes halt your thoughts as a girl in your class - heather perez -  catches your eye from across the room, her hair falling in natural curls that makes you sigh in envy. she smiles and waves at you warmly, gesturing for you to come and sit with her. you swallow and look down into your cup of dreary, graying lemonade as you try not to think about how you look in comparison. she's so fucking pretty. you look back up and shake your head with a friendly smile, faker than a plastic flower, and nod to the bathroom. she shrugs and smiles, turning back around.

she was too sweet, it hurt.

her naturally dark hair, long and wavy, her smooth dark skin, her laugh.... but suddenly, your head snaps back up after recognizing a familiar sight on heather's figure.

-is that richie's sweater?

your heart thumps and churns in the most unsavory way as all the breath leaves your lungs in one swift exhale. you feel sick to your stomach and your hand falls to hit the counter to stabilize yourself, the lemonade sloshing out of the cup slightly. but you pay no mind. heather's wearing richie's sweater...

you know that sweater really well. it's definitely his, and for some reason that makes you want to cry.

you blink and force yourself to suck air into your lungs as you look around quickly, anywhere but at heather perez wearing richie tozier's sweater, with all the stripes and patterns and the rough polyester material. you're not sure why you're so caught off-guard, you knew that heather perez was maybe-kinda-sorta seeing your trashmouth. he'd mentioned it in passing a few times and you've not been able to keep it off your mind as bev and bill whisper to richie about it in the halls or during hangouts when you were laying in stan's lap pretending not to hear it.

it hurts, though. holy hell, does it hurt when richie turns the corner and the typical, 'hey, richie!' choruses through most of the people in the basement - and yet his eyes are just set on her.

it hurts even worse when you make eye contact with him and he smiles at you, nodding in greeting and calling a "hey there, toots!" over the thumping of the noise before turning back towards heather.

your heart thumps erradically as you eye him sliding an arm around her shoulders easily, pulling her into his tall lanky frame,  crushing your chest and deflating your trembling heart. heather's head falls onto richie's shoulder and you shiver, feeling colder than you've felt in so long. the lemonade you force to your lips tasting like stale water as the sight of richie pinching heather's shoulder and thumbing his own sweater on her frame make you feel empty.

even now, weeks later, you remember how it felt. you sip on the boiling tea and immediately burn your tongue, making you swear as you stare out your window, the snow falling around your house in the dark making you feel an odd, empty kind of peace. that fucking sweater.

you haven't talked to richie in almost a week and a half - he got in trouble the night after the party and his parents took his phone away - at eighteen years old, his parents took his phone - so that he could 'spend time with family' (a task that made you chuckle to yourself when bill had explained it to you about twelve days ago).

it's winter break, though, and you've been missing the last piece of your eight-person puzzle the last few times you've hung out with your friends. it feels empty without richie's boisterous shenanigans, snarky looks and goofy comebacks... you feel really embarrassed for missing him so deeply.

tears well up in your eyes as you think again about his damn sweater, the one that heather was wearing, the same one he'd given you not even three weeks prior.

"well look at you." richie says with amusement trickling through his voice like melting icewater through a calm creek.  you spin towards him with a grin eclipsing your face as you shrug around his sweater, pretending not to smell his strong scent and pretending not to feel the immediate comfort it gives you.

"you know, for as dumb as it looks, i kind of like it." you tease, brushing some hair back from your eyes as the sweater sleeves fall back down past your hands. he laughs, eyes not leaving you for a second.

"shit, doll. keep it." he says, sounding serious. it makes you pull a face at him, starting to lift it slightly over your head to return it to its rightful owner.

but he shakes his head, hands gently gripping your arms and halting your motions, subsequently setting your heart on fire. his lips are set in a gentle grin as he shakes his head again. "it looks so much better on you."

it's spoken simply, in such honestly that it makes you blush nearly immediately. in fact, you're so flustered that all you can do is shove him a bit, stuttering out a quiet, "shut up, richie, you- i - okay, whatever."

it makes him chuckle as he takes the soft blow of your hands against his shoulders, deftly running his hands through his curly locks as he shakes his head. "you're adorable, kid."

you're lucky he'd turned around to gripe around on his messy bed for his laptop, because the stupid grin you're sure is painting your face is enough to make you dig your own grave and then hand him the shovel. if only he knew how much you liked him.

you didn't keep the sweater after that night, though. at the time, you'd told him it was because it was putrid; that the colors and patterns were a sin to man and that you'd never be caught dead wearing it out. he laughed the whole time because you had literally worn it to the store with him it with him that same day. but now, you'd give anything for richie to give you that sweater again, to feel that polyester inseam fall against your stomach and your arms and chest, like a huge richie hug (without all the bones and the cologne and the caffeine-pulsing heartbeat - so not a real richie hug, but as close as you could get to the real thing without actually just having it).

god, you like him too much. you rub your face with your palm, the moisture from the tears that had accidentally escaped your eyes smudging against your face. you're tired, almost - it's like an empty, heartbroken exhaustion that sags your shoulders and chokes your throat and makes you zone out for minutes at a time. one thought overwhelms you right now, so as you see a car's headlights shine out your window through the falling snow, you don't even notice it.

you just wish you were heather.

you've tried to hate her. really, you have - you figured maybe, just maybe, if you were able to rant to bev or eddie about how much of a bitch heather is, how she's terrible to richie and how boring she was, maybe you could justify the heartbreak in your chest.

but god, she's so perfect. heather, with her shiny hair, bright smile, her flawless mind and caring heart. she's, as far as you're concerned, an angel. of course richie would choose heather, who wouldn't?

the other day at that party, you'd tried your hardest to ignore your intrusive thoughts, but you can't help feeling like it would all be better if heather didn't exist. and even that thought alone hurts your heart, because you remember the smile on richie's face when he looked at her, swathed in his sweater and floating around the room like a beacon of light.

and you could never, ever in good conscience take that from richie.

you almost laugh at how absurd it is - now you're talking to yourself while you stare out the window, half asleep, dreaming of freckles placed just like constellations and crooked noses, of jawlines that jut out and long, lanky fingers; of loud, chipping laughter and beat up high-tops with cuffed corduroy pants.

"y/n?" a voice behind your door makes you jump a bit, unsettling your already disconcerted bones. you’re imagining him, now? you laugh into your scalding mug for a second, but after a double-take at the doorway you find the angel himself to be standing there with a perplexed look.

"richie, what're you doing here?" you ask, rubbing your eye to make sure no tears are left. he looks troubled. "i knocked, but nobody answered. so..." he says with a shrug, and you ned, tucking a leg under yourself and nodding.

"what are you doing, toots?" he asks, backlit by the hallway light. and then you finally can see what he's wearing, and you almost laugh at your own misery.

but you don’t laugh, your brain short-circuiting as you feel the knife twist further into your abdomen. the stupid fucking sweater.

“-um, nothing. y- did you get that back from heather?” you try to deliver the line as smoothly as possible, but by the look on his face, you did a real shit job at that.

“what?” he asks in an exhale as he shakes snowflakes from his hair and shoulders, closing your door as he walks towards you and falls to sit next to you on your windowsill seat.

“i thought you gave her that sweater.” you say and he raises a brow, “yeah, like two weeks ago.” he says slowly, eyeing you. he adds, “she obviously didn’t need it after that.”

you frown, “did she need it then?” you didnt try to sound bitter at all, but your voice comes with more of a sting than you’d anticipated.

as always, richie meets fire with fire. “it was twenty fuckin’ degrees out, she was wearing a tank top.”

you don’t know what to say so you just stare out the window with a quick huff, crossing your arms. "why does it matter? it's a sweatshirt." he mutters. "i was just being nice to her."

you nod, pain twisting around in your stomach. he's right, it's just a sweater. but he gave it to her, because he likes heather better.

“what’s up with you, kid?” he asks, gentler this time.

“don’t call me kid, richie.” you say sharply, not meeting his eyes. “and there’s nothing up with me.” you know you’re being difficult, but you really don't have the energy to argue with him right now.

it’s quiet again, and the silence is even more awkward. you take another scalding sip of your tea. 

“um, y/n... is this because of heather?” he says after a bit. you feel the tension that the acknowledgment brings as it hits you in the thick, cold air. richie’s tapping a rhythm on his thigh, so you can tell he feels it too.

"richie." you say weakly, your voice coming out too quiet, too obviously broken and exhausted. "i cannot do this. please don't do this right now"

he blinks at you, eyebrows furrowed. "sugar, i'm so lost right now."

you decide to change the subject. "-why'd you come over?" you ask, actually looking at him then immediately regretting it. he looks hurt and confused, like a lost puppy.

"oh. um, i just need to tell you something.it's about heather, too." he sounds anxious, and you roll your eyes, looking down at the tree outside your room as wind blows powdery white mounds off its branches.

“can this just wait until tomorrow?” you whisper. doesn't he get it?

it's quiet and for a moment you believe that he's going to leave it, to not bring up the obvious jealousy brewing in your chest. but he breaks the silence too soon.

"i tried to kiss her." he says and you immediately look towards the door, the most immediate escape possible. 

your breathing gets heavy; if you have to hear this, you know you'll admit your feeling to richie, and you don't want to do that to him. but you have a suspicion that he already knows.

"richie, i'm so, so glad to see you. and that you like heather. really, i am. but- it's not a good time. i'm not- i'm not okay." you say, voice thick as tears well behind your eyes.

richie’s eyes widen almost comically as you make eye contact and his hands immediately find purchase on your arms, his thumbs rubbing in the way that he has done ever since that one foggy summer you spent in the sewers. "y/n/n, what's wrong, sweetheart?" he asks, watching sadly as a tear slips from your cheek. it breaks your heart when he calls you sweetheart, and you shake your head.

you can't tell him the truth - that you love him, so instead, you mumble, "i've missed you. there's a lot going on, and i just really need you."

he looks guilty as he pulls you into a warm hug, one that takes you off guard but that you return gratefully. "you've been too busy spending time with heather and with your parents, and i understand that, i just - you know, i miss you." you say, voice muffled as your cheek is squished into his shoulder. he sighs shakily, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head. “i know i’ve been with her a lot, i’m sorry sugar.” he mutters. 

it feels like you’re both holding something back from the other. 

"i wish i were heather." you say against his shoulder, knowing richie’s completely unaware of the depth of your statement. but he pulls back and stares at you, an unknown look on his face. you open your mouth to say something, but you're cut off before you can get anything out.

and his lips fall against yours lightly, almost as if they’re ghosts against yours. his presence feels fleeting. 

you barely close your eyes and press closer to him before you snap out of it, jerking backwards with wide eyes.

richie’s eyes fall open too as he looks at you questioningly. your heart is thumping heavy as you shake your head, more shocked than you thought ever possible. “what?” he asks, as if he’s surprised you’re not kissing back.

you give him a sad, broken look. you think you’ll cry as you mutter, "why would you ever kiss me? i'm not - i'm not nearly as pretty as her, i'm just-"richie suddenly looks like he might get sick, his face paler than usual as the steam from your tea dwindles idly between you. he cuts you off. "-why are you - why are you saying all these things y/n/n-”

“heather. you like heather.” you say frantically, trying to remind him so you dont have to live through this fresh faced heartbreak twice as painful if he kisses you again. 

but richie shakes his head, and your confusion skyrockets just as much as your heartbeat."no. a-amy asked her out." he says breathlessly. "-she said yes."

you blink, pulling even further away as it dawns on you. "wait. so... so you only want to see me after the girl you wanted finds someone else?" you ask, watching as the smile gets smacked off of richie's face so quickly you think it may give him whiplash. "wait, no-" he starts, but you shake your head.

“richie, do you understand how hurtful that is?” you say, voice heavy as you try not to let tears fall.

he shakes his head, eyes glossing with tears as he gapes at you, “n-no, y/n-“

“fuck, richie. i know you know about my feelings for you. how could you do this? i’m not heather, i’m reminded that every time i’m in the same room as the two of you. she’s had you completely mesmerized for the last month, you can’t just use me to distract yourself.” you say, your tea completely forgotten as a tear escapes your eye.

he shakes his head, looking at you with an emotion you don’t have the energy to decipher. “leave, richie.” your voice is broken and it shakes as you look away from him.

you’re not sure what you were expecting, but when richie stands up silently you dont even look away from the window. you see him wipe his cheek in your peripheral before he sighs quietly and walks out of your room, shutting the door quietly.

you cry openly as you hear your door shut downstairs, your hands shaking as you cover your face, your shoulders shaking with sobs. you make it under your covers just as you hear a car engine sputter outside, your heart empty and lips still tingling as the feeling of richie’s lips linger on yours. you groan into your pillow and let out another sob, your eyes squeezing in agony as your heart feels like it’s ripping in two.

because even if they’re not together, richie still likes her.

why couldn’t you be heather?

you cry until you’re asleep, your now cold mug of tea resting on the windowsill as your phone charges next to you and snow swirls in the dark sky.

when you wake up the next morning, your headache is nearly blinding. you feel like crying more as you remember last night. you roll over and rub your eyes, unlocking your phone groggily.  

but you check your notifications and your heart immediately stops as you see a missed call from richie at 3:49 in the morning last night, and a voicemail left a minute later.

well, you guess he got his phone back.

your fingers tremble as they hover above the play button, feeling like you may vomit from anxiety - the message he left is two minutes long.

closing your eyes, ready for even more heartbreak, you press play and hold the speaker to your ear.

“um, y/n.” the voicemail starts off, and you’re already tearing up because richie’s voice is full to the brim with anxiety and he’s not using his usual nicknames for you. 

“uh... okay, i- i know it’s four in the morning, and you’re probably asleep - god, i hope you are, and that you’re not ignoring me. not that i dont deserve it, but i just want you to get good rest. uh, a-anyways. fuck,” there’s an awkward pause and you’re holding your breath.

“you know i’m not good with phone calls or voicemails-“ his rambling just adds to your anxious feeling, but you think if you don’t listen to this, your anxiety would eat you alive.

“- fuck, i don’t know how to say this. kind of ironic, i guess, since i’ve been thinking about saying it like every day for probably more than a year- okay, i’m... god, spit it out, trashmouth.” his voice gets thicker and you can hear the emotion as he takes a shallow breath.

“y/n/n, you make my hands shake. i swear, my heart feels like it’s going to backfire and explode when we touch... and it scares me so fucking bad.” you feel your heart halt in your chest, the air leaving your lungs.

you keep the phone pressed tightly to your ear as richie’s recorded voice goes on.

“-fuck, y/n. i’m terrified. sometimes i think.... like, whoever created me... they designed me just to be yours. and... it’s not in the same way i feel about bev, or bill, or eddie-“ his voice breaks as he sniffs on the other end and it dawns on you that he’s crying. “-you’re you. you’re y/n. i tried to like heather as more than just a friend. but...” it’s silent for a second.

“i just kept comparing her to you. i do that with everybody. i think i’m broken. i love you so much that it hurts.” he’s crying enough by now that it’s leaking into his speech; he’s hiccuping, stuttering slightly, his inflection changing as you can almost picture the tears rolling off his thick eyelashes and onto his rosy cheeks.

“-and i can’t sleep right now knowing that i hurt you like this. i can’t believe that i let you think of yourself as lesser than heather in any way-“ he sobs quietly in the recording and takes a stuttering breath. "i can’t believe i put myself before you. i’m such a shitty friend. i should’ve been giving you my stupid fucking sweaters the whole time.” 

tears are pouring out of your eyes as you sit up, ripping the comforter off your legs. you’re pulling on socks and your shoes as you continue to listen to richie’s voicemail.

“i’m sorry that i kissed you, and i’m sorry that i dragged you into this m-mess, that i used heather as an excuse to ignore my feelings for you. i-i love you so fucking much, and i’m just so scared of hurting you. i’m so sorry that i hurt you, y/n.”

you have to see him.

“-and, um, i’m sorry i left this voice message. this is probably the worst way to find this out but i figured that it would be easier for us to ignore if it wasn’t in person- y’know, because you don’t have to respond. just- now you know. that i’m sorry, and that i don’t expect you to forgive me or want to speak to me for a while. i just- i need you to know that you’re so loved, y/n. and that you deserve so much better than me.

“so, um, okay. i’ll let you sleep now. b-bye.” he whispers the end and then the line cuts dead.

you’re left with shaking breath and tears in your eyes as his voice rings in your head. you try to take in what he’s just said, but you think you’re about to pass out.

how can richie love you back?

you brush your teeth almost aggressively as your heart beats erratically in your chest and then you’re suddenly flying down the snowy road towards the tozier’s house.

you realize too late that you look completely awry, hair unbrushed, eyes puffy and swollen, shoes untied as you knock on the front door of richie's house.

went opens the door, richie’s younger sister sat on his hip as he smiles at you, "y/n! long time no see. richie's upstairs in his room."

you smile at him in thanks, too rushed to say anything to him or munch. then you’re all but sprinting up the stairs, only feeling the anxiety as you throw open the door to his bedroom. 

you're relieved that he's laying in his bed, surrounded by pillows and fluffy comforters as he jumps from the noise of your arrival.

when he sits up, neither of you say anything. his eyes are red and rimmed with tears, a heartbreaking sight as his lower lip trembles slightly. you're sure you look the same as you take a step towards his bed, your eyes not leaving each other's for a second.

he looks incredible, still. 

"y/n..." he whispers finally, his eyes wide. "did you get my message?" he says, lips tilting in a stupid, forced smile. his voice holds no humor in it's sad thickness, though, and you sigh as you look down to the carpet.

you shake your head, "can you not joke for a minute, rich?"

he laughs wetly, standing up fully and although he towers at 6'0, he looks so small. "i can try, doll, but then i'll start to cry a lot, and that's just not what anybody wants-"

"richie." you say, effectively ceasing his rambling. it's cold in his room, bright white from the snow outside, and silent. he looks at you with huge eyes and a red nose.

but you don't know what to say. you’ve spent so long wanting to be heather, but now you've found out that richie's loved you this whole time. it hurts, but you can't wait another second being away from richie. 

you launch yourself towards him, grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him down to your mouth.

this time, the kiss is warm, unexpected again but much more loving. it's a kiss that tastes like tears and love and trust, and all you can feel is richie as his hands find purchase on your cheek and back, pulling you so close to him that you can feel is rapid heartbeat.

he pulls back to mumble against your lips, "i'm so sorry." you shake your head, pressing another kiss to his and loving the feeling of richie against you finally. "i love you." you say, feeling his grin against your mouth.

"i love you so much." he says, pulling you lightly to fall onto his bed with him and tickling your sides.

you laugh lightly, swatting at his prodding fingers. "please stop crying." he whispers, laying above you with a small smile. you roll your eyes, "you stop crying rich." you retort, and he shakes his head, one of his tears falling onto your cheek. you jump from the feeling and wipe it away, sniffling a gasp and pulling him into a tight hug, his legs tangling with yours.

“i’m sorry.” he mumbles. you cup his cheeks so his lips pucker out and you smile at him, whispering, “i forgive you, rich. i love you.” and then you place a soft kiss to his lips and he kisses you back enthusiastically.  he pulls back and hugs you again, burrowing himself in your neck. 

"i didn't think i'd ever get you." he says, muffled by his face in your shoulder. "thank you for trusting me. i love you so much." he kisses your collarbone lightly and your fingers play through his curls lightly as you smile, eyes closing. you're so tired.

"i love you more, richie."

you fall asleep with richie curled up beside you, his breath light on your chest and arms clutching you against him. you fall asleep with richie’s lips on your neck, his legs entangled with yours. 

you fall asleep contently, knowing that you no longer have to wish you were heather.

tag list: @gabiatthedisco @blisshemmings​ @stenbrozier​ @simplesammyx​   @brxken-heartsclub​ @clownsloveyou​ @moon-shine-baby​ @daughter-of-the-stars11  @trashedfortozier​ @oceandog13​ @finnskindofwoman  @kait-tozier @upamongthestarss @fiantomartell @beverlyparkerr @beauregard-s @diorbubs @leighjaenikhowell @cowbellies @deepestofwaters  <33

[flos-timore]

Send me a  🥃 + a question for my muse to answer. If they refuse to answer, they have to take a shot // Still Accepting!

Anonymous asked : 🥃 Habit, here's a hypothetical question for you. If your Habitat started to go way downhill, but wasn't a lost cause yet, and you had to resort to more extreme and harmful measures to keep your Habiticians in line, what wouldn't you do?

At once, almost on instinct, Habit feels his breath hitch. Was it possible for air to get caught in somebody’s chest? Well, the question hadn’t even been fully processed before everything decided to lock up, on him. 

‘Why was that?’, he wondered briefly. Uselessly. In fact, he wasn’t even sure WHY he’d bothered to let himself pull the wool over his own eyes; if even for only a second. He KNEW exactly why his hands balled up into fists, exactly why dread was solidifying in his stomach. 

And yet... he had to glance away, towards the balcony. It was just natural, really, whenever anybody mentioned the Habiticians while he happened to be in his office. 

Or. Well. 

‘His’ Habiticians, as they had so eloquently put it. 

The thought made him laugh. He forced himself to hate that fact.

Keeping the smile held tightly on his face, out of a necessity that he hadn’t even realized WAS a necessity, he took a moment to steel himself before walking over to where his line of sight drew him. 

His heels clicked along the floor- an unwelcome change to the encompassing silence from just moments before.

--- “Hmmmmm.... You kno... That”s a “Good” question! Where 2 start with that...” 

Content warning: Brief suicidal ideation, blood, and mentions of murder/corpses under the cut.

Heights had never been a problem for him. He never even really considered them enough for them to BECOME any sort of issue. While he could understand where the fear came from, for some people, so long as he knew the ground he stood on was relatively sturdy, he could be as high as the clouds and not have any cares in the world. 

... Which is why he was confused when he came to a brief pause as he neared the balcony’s edge. Something about the location had begun to set him off, lately.. 

Perhaps it was the finality that such a fall would be responsible for. To say that he’d never considered jumping would be a lie, but- 

He was quick to shake his head- push those thoughts away. Those were for another life. Not this one. 

Habit “easily” (why couldn’t it be easy?) settled himself on the railing, eyes trailing down to the fairground below. 

--- “What WOULDN”T I do, u said..?” 

Maybe he’s stalling, maybe he’s not. You have no proof, as far as he’s concerned. 

--- “Well...” He leans down further, practically resting his head on the cold metal. Although his attention darts around as he observes the day’s activity, he registers next to none of it. 

--- “I suppose I wouldn’t wamnt them 2 think I”m trying two hard. Peeple tend to “Talk”, U see. Nothing like barb-ed wire or anythign sillie like That. The Habi-Tat is notn’t a Prison.” 

Isn’t it? 

--- “Perhapbs the “Curfew” wuld need to be much earlier..? I woould need to be patrolling more oftn than usual, that is 4 certain. Surve-a-lance would be “Upped”, also, of cuorse, but I thimnk I wouldn”t need to be TOO mean...” 

--- “Even if the Habiticians TRIED to eskape, th Carlas would handel everything!” 

Right. The machines he’d created to do his dirty work for him, because Heaven knows that if he had to be the one to subdue fleeing Habiticians, he wouldn’t stand much of a chance. 

And not because he worried that he wouldn’t be strong enough! Really, if THAT was the only concern, he needed to only let himself forget just where he was putting his hands, and, well- 

No. He disliked having to use brute force- especially when it wasn’t absolutely necessary. Call him what you’d like. He can guarantee that none of it would be too far off the mark. 

What the Carlas lacked in speed and intelligence, they made up for in numbers. The ones always actively present on the grounds were FAR from the only ones in The Habitat. 

Even though this situation was only hypothetical, Habit felt himself smirk, nonetheless; oddly proud of his own genius and security. Normally any talk of unrest among his “guests” sent him into a panic. He just simply would not have it! 

Not in HIS domain. HIS creation. If something isn’t working, then!!! He’ll FIX it, and move on!! 

But... ah... He had yet to really adequately answer the question at hand... Right..? 

--- “..... I”m...” 

Something felt- unfinished, here. Did he have more to truly SAY on the matter? 

The sounds of Martha were louder than he remembered. He rationalized the reason behind that being his close proximity to her, as anybody would. 

It just didn’t make them any less overwhelming, at the moment. 

--- “I... don’t think violence is.. nece-ssary.. to maintain the “Peace”, I mean. The way that Im running things right now is good. Yes??” 

Habit allows a brief lull to enter the “conversation”- just out of politeness. When no answer comes to his question, he can’t but to feel foolishly disheartened. 

Only a little bit, though. Just a teeny tiny bit. 

--- “I know this is only a “what if”- I get that. But the question is ridic-u-lous, 2 begin with!1!! Absurd!!!11! This groo-some scenariio will NEVER come two be!! So!!!! Why WORRIE about it!!!!” 

And that’s where he INTENDED to quit talking. Honestly, he did. With every second that passed, he could feel the dam begin to break. 

No, the topic itself didn’t bring him ANXIETY, per-say.... 

... but he WASN’T letting his thoughts lead to their obvious conclusion. That was the missing puzzle piece. That was the reason behind his sweaty palms and urge to be sick. 

Habit was good at blocking out all of the unpleasant things about life. Sure, they almost always inevitably resurfaced, anyway, but the goal was never to be rid of them for good. 

Merely to stall. Always to stall. 

But that’s NOT what he’s doing, right now! Because there IS nothing more to discuss!! Nothing! Nada! Zilch! 

--- “...” 

He hadn’t noticed how tight his grip on the railing had gotten- had barely registered the tension in his shoulders as he leaned further. Further... JUST so he could look down, better. That’s all. 

The daily lives of the Habiticians meant little to nothing to him. He was able to seamlessly gloss over Punching Girl as she pretended to, predictably, fight something. Or someone. He completely ignored Broccoli Child- nearly rolling his eyes at a less than pleasant memory regarding the trash he once tried to sell to him. 

Nearly.

He hurried to turn away, to head back inside. He knew that if he lingered for any longer that the incessant WHINING of a certain resident would start back up, again. Perhaps it already had and he’d merely gotten beyond used to it. 

Great. Cool. Love that.

--- “I THINK yuo are under-estimnating the work I”ve put into Thee Habitat. I know verie well how 2 control MY Habiticians, and if push comes two shove, I”m SURE I could-” 

--- “........ I... could........ .................. ah...” 

Something about his wording froze him in his tracks. He would’ve clamped his jaw shut if he had the gall to; would have bitten his tongue just to keep any more comments on the matter to himself. 

The smile from before never once left his face. He disliked how heavy it felt- disliked the fact that he apparently felt the need to keep falling back into the hole he was so DESPERATELY trying to clamber back out of. 

He’d said all he needed to say. He’d done his part! 

Habit lowers his head, back turned to the outside world. A chill seeping into the room reminded him that he’d forgotten to close the door. He normally wouldn’t care about such a minute detail, but- 

One quick glance towards the “operating room” is all he needs to change his mind. It’s bad ENOUGH that he’s allowing himself to become so overly fixated on everything that could go WRONG, and not go RIGHT!! Nobody else needs to accidentally overhear something they shouldn’t. 

Hand shaking (shaking??), he pulls it away from the glass; job done, and steps unsteady as he attempts to backtrack. Literally. 

Habit whirls back around, action abrupt as he gradually loses his initial train of thought. His breaths are a bit labored, like he’d just been running, somehow, and he wants to fix that. He wants, more than anything, to fix this entire situation. 

Pathetic. One simple hypothetical had sent him into such a state?? Disgusting. 

If he couldn’t handle the fire, then he shouldn’t have walked directly into the flames. He had what it took to run The Habitat. He took every precaution necessary. 

‘If your Habitat started to go way downhill, but wasn't a lost cause yet, and you had to resort to more extreme and harmful measures to keep your Habiticians in line, what wouldn't you do?’ 

‘What WOULDN’T he do?’ 

--- “. . . If. . . push comes to SHOVE. . .” 

He changes trajectory. Wandering around aimlessly certainly wouldn’t help anything, and suddenly, he feels very much so like cleaning something is in order. How often did he do that, anyway? 

Not often enough, he decided, eyeing the grotesque red splotches.... just about everywhere he thought to look. On the chair, some on the floor-

HOW did he manage to get blood on the walls??? 

Habit reaches forward to grab the nearby mirror on the tray, having already pulled a cloth from one of his pockets. Yes, a cleaning day was definitely in order. A dirty workplace leads to a dirty outlook on life. 

No wonder he’s so stressed. 

--- “... Well,” he shrugs, “who is 2 say that there will bee any Habiticians TO keep in line?” 

As soon as the words leave his mouth, he doesn’t find any relief in them, whatsoever. So he continues. 

--- “Let me elab-or-ate. CORPSES have teeth. Right?” 

He turns his head, then; absently searching for the spray bottle he swore he had sitting on the counter. 

--- “Who cares if “The Big Event” is SKIPPED, all-2-gether? I would not be above that. No “waitiing” and no “gettiing their hopes up” 4 something that was falsely advertized.” 

--- “So,” ah, there it is, “to answer you”r question:” 

--- “Nothing!11!!! There are absolootely NO lengths that I womn”t go in order 2 enshure that I gather More Teeth!!1!! So WHAT if I need to “take out thee trash” all at once?? So WHAT if I “accidentally” get the dosage wrong? They will bee happily and giggily, and then....” 

--- “......... they will not.”

“Sick” doesn’t even begin to cover how he feels, right about now. Does he sound casual while discussing this? How is he coming off as while he so flippantly talks about murder? 

Cowardly? Psychopathic? ... Terrifying? 

Is he terrifying? He must be. There’s no other explanation, in his mind. 

--- “No skin off MY back!! At leest CORPSES do not cry!!” 

Habit twirls back around to the counter where he’d grabbed the spray bottle, content smile betraying him as he gently sets it back where he found it. 

--- “At leest CORPSES do not struggle!! When they FIN-A-LLY stop moviing, they cann”t tell me: “Yuou womn”t get awaY with THis!!!1!”. They can’t skream and run- they can”t do any-thing At All!1!!!” 

And that’s the beauty of it. Or, at least, it SHOULD be. 

--- “Once they set “Foot” into The Habitat, it isn”t like theyre Going 2 bee LEAVINGG it, anyway!! I”mmn not beeing CRUEL!!! What I do- it’s BRILL-I-ANT!! So WHY should I feel BAD??!?!?!” 

Why, indeed?? Yes, WHY should he feel bad about cracking a few chickens to make a brand new healthy egg? What is the harm in it? 

Nonexistent, as far as HE can tell! 

--- “Thee answer is: I shouldn”t, annd I don’t! I hope thiss conversatioon was en-lit-ening 4 U! :-)” 

So... there. He’s done. It’s over. Rant over. He- He’s said his share. Had his fill. 

Of course, NOW he’s gone and gotten himself all riled up. Who knows how long it’ll take him to calm back down? Once he allows that little box in the back of his mind to open, this always happens. 

Why do you think he’s so keen on keeping it nice and SHUT? 

Autopilot becomes comforting after the hundredth time you shift into it. Habit continues about his business, cleaning the operating room while humming a jovial tune to himself. 

The fact that he stumbles in his steps every now and then is unimportant. His pounding heart barely matters. 

So long as he��s smiling, it’s IMPOSSIBLE to be upset! 

Maybe if he believes that hard enough, it’ll be true. 

[abundantchewtoys]

HS Epi: Meat p12 reaction

Back to Earth C presumably.

I gotta say, I'm curious to find out the final page count of Meat. The way we liveblog, the experience is stretched out, so with theories surfacing and such, we might be caught off guard when things are really over. There's only so far that things will be taken, though I guess we're still in for those "original Male/Female characters", I guess. :P That shouldn't refer to the new Reload timeline John created, I think, with copies of all the people mentioned in the rest of the character list. So, uh, yeah, guess the reason Arquiusprite wasn't mentioned in there was because he remained unseen, voided out if you will. And I guess we shouldn't expect an alternate Equius to have a talking role, either?

---

==>

Well! Talk about jumping straight into the action, this page opens with a dialoguelog! Back to Dave, Karkat and if my eyes didn't deceive me, we'll get some lines for Jade, too! Supportive Jade will be supportive.

"hit jane right in her neoliberal austerity measures" ... Hah. Well, I didn't think that would get referenced again at all, but it seems after all these years since John's 18th birthday Dave still has issues with the ol' N.A.M. So, Jane's a neoliberal AND a fascist now, Dave? Is that... even feasible?

"DAVE: now shes gonna spin some shit about supply side economics but we cant let her control the narrative on that one cause the first thing thats gonna happen once she begins deregulating the baking industry is that some sweet dumb crocodile down in consort land is gonna start putting sparkle glue in the cupcake mix which isnt even the real issue thats just surface issues KARKAT: RIGHT. JADE: definitely" ... Like, Dave I admire you're getting so into this, but you realize they aren't following, right? Also, why would Jane want to deregulate the baking industry if she's the leader of the foremost power in said industry, as well as running for president? Plus, Jane can't control the narrative because Caliborn is already controlling it! :mspa:

"DAVE: i mean earth c has just been play acting capitalism the last five thousand years while we timeskipped ahead to live rad lives as gods without bothering with any of the boring shit that goes into making a civilization DAVE: which is fine i mean you cant really expect a bunch of teens who didnt finish middle school to set up a sustainable form of social democracy that isnt just blatantly ripped off whatever we incorrectly thought obama god rest his soul was doing back in the day" ... Gee, Dave's given this a real lot of thought. Props to him, but I hope that aside from becoming 'an activist' he's also got some legitimite action points to improve Earth C's situation.

Guess Sburb really does a number on players, huh? "Congrats, you won, you're all gods now, and also, here's this whole civilization on the brink of collapse, have fun with that. Don't mess this up, I need those people to start the apocalypse in say, 2000 years, k thx bye." (The fact that this civilization, being outside of the Green Sun's influence, may never implement Sburb, is a bit besides the point since I think the trolls would have had the same issue tossed onto them had they actually gone through the victory door.)

Right, but the trolls had their home planet already effectively run by children, I wonder if that will come again? Even though they had carpenter droids at their disposal to run some things for them, they might actually be a bit more self-reliant than the humans!

"DAVE: but janes got this old school mentality you just know she wants to restrict grist alchemy for the sake of “growth” and when that goes down itll take three seconds flat for some nobody in new dersetown to drop the earth c communist manifesto" ... New Dersetown, I like the ring of that. Would call it New Dersey for short, though. :P Again, valid points there, Dave! If any revolt started, it doesn't have to be in the troll community, it could just as much be an angry carapace uprising! They're only docile if there's no one to rally behind.

Blaperile has this idea that the new society in a universe is not supposed to be seeded with the remains of the session nor the universe that came before it. That's actually a valid point; the only reason this society got kickstarted was through the cloning apparatus that was on the meteor! The consorts and carapaces seem like they would be able to reproduce biologically though, so I'm not sure how Sburb normally ensures the planet is a clean slate for a new species to emerge. ... Okay, so the planet itself doesn't really need to be the place where a new Sburb-playing species rises, true. There's a whole new universe out there.

Maybe through "importing" old Sburb technology, the "alpha" planet designation went to Earth C automatically, though.

Or maybe First Guardians are expected to 'cleanse' the planet from outside influence normally, but since this society's outside of the Green Sun's influence, that ain't happening. And Jade won't be going Thanos on Earth C.

"KARKAT: OH YEAH. JADE: of course DAVE: are you two even listening or are you just making noises with your mouths" Dave realizing he's monologuing? What character development is this. :O

"KARKAT: I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M BEING ACCUSED BY DAVE STRIDER, REIGNING EMPEROR OF SPEWING ENDLESS VERBAL DIARRHEA DIRECTLY INTO MY INNOCENT HEAR DUCTS EVERY DAY OF MY FUCKING LIFE, OF MAKING THOUGHTLESS MOUTH NOISES. KARKAT: JADE, ARE YOU HEARING THIS? JADE: im scandalized JADE: especially when JADE: there are much better things we could all be doing with our mouths....." ... Jade, your animes are showing again. ... I think that maybe Jade doesn't want this relation to be going where Dave and Karkat want it to go.

"It’s been a really nice day they’ve been having, and then Jade had to go say something like that. The air in the hive changes in a way that is palpable, in a way that she can’t seem to accurately gauge despite having both superhuman and superdog senses." ... Ah. So I guess maybe Jade just can't get a lid on some of her more... canine inclinations, at time. Welp!

"Elements of her outfit resemble her god tier jammies: peasant skirt, sparkly flats, and a bold choice in striped tights." Nice! That's only the third person who created an outfit based on her god tier outfit that we know, aside from Meenah and Rose.

"the couch where she crashed last night, and the night before that, and the better part of the seven years before that." It would seem Jade has the wanderlust then, she's more like the vagrant dog that comes visiting from time to time? More GCAT in demeanor than Becquerel, in practice. Heheh. Good for her, after being isolated on an island and then a battleship for so long, she's finally going out & seeing things!

"There are other personal effects of hers in the living room too: plants on the windowstill, her bass guitar sitting in a corner" Cool, so when she comes over, she typically lounges here then. Guess the flute never made it over, though. :p

"a horrific-looking periodic table that Dave made her for her seventeenth birthday pinned above the stairwell. He typed it in Comic Sans, and then deep-fried it to oblivion with JPEG artifacts." ... Next up, on For Fans By Fans...

"And Dave, with his preternaturally perfect timing, sweeps a hand over his tablet to bring up a new PowerPoint slide on the TV. He returns to his Comic Sans-written political presentation, gruesome artifacts and all" Dave, Dave that isn't professional at all!

", with the grace and proficiency of a man who has diffused an awkward situation in his own household many times per day, every day, for many years." Well, okay, that is really mature. But when Dave is the adult in a situation, the situation is very awkward per definition.

"DAVE: alternia: brutal eugenics based space dictatorship KARKAT: NOT UNTRUE." Succinct, brutal, but not dishonest.

"DAVE: troll homeworld: lord of the flies nightmare scenario where kids murder each other just to get the chance to get to grow up and murder other aliens instead KARKAT: IT WASN’T THAT BAD." Karkat. Karkat that isn't a valid rebuke.

"KARKAT: YOU MADE THAT LAST ONE UP. KARKAT: ALSO, IT WAS DISGUSTING?? KARKAT: GROW THE FUCK UP, YOU UTTERLY CONTEMPTIBLE, POTTY MOUTHED *CUNT*." ... The irony is stark.

"JADE: also you know trolls dont actually have two dicks dave thats an offensive stereotype" Are we really doing troll anatomy? Well, I guess it's good to know that the fan theory about Sollux at least isn't applicable to the entire species.

"DAVE: trolls: literally ate babies KARKAT: ONLY THE DEFECTIVE ONES. DAVE: like you my dude KARKAT: ...YEAH. DAVE: so thats why our campaign can work" Yeah, Karkat ate grubs, though they weren't troll babies. Also, yeah, Karkat was a mutant, but I wonder if that would really help his case here.

"DAVE: btw im gonna be giving a long form exam at the end of this to make sure youre retaining info because this is only like the most important thing weve ever done collectively" Well he ain't wrong.

"KARKAT: ARE YOU ASKING ME WHETHER I’VE HEARD THIS EXACT SPEECH ALMOST WORD FOR WORD, INCLUDING REHEARSED VERSIONS OF BOTH THE COLORFUL METAPHORS AND “JOKES,” TEN OR TWENTY TIMES ALREADY? KARKAT: BECAUSE THE ANSWER WOULD BE KARKAT: YES, OF COURSE I FUCKING HAVE." Poor, poor Karkat.

"Karkat elbows Dave in the thigh, a move that is obviously meant to be an action of pure, brotherly jest. But instead it comes off as affectionate and overly intimate. Jade’s clever eyes don’t miss this. Her pupils follow the motion of Karkat’s arm, and then they follow the movement of Dave’s mouth as he smiles in what he probably thinks is a totally neutral expression that reveals exactly 0% of his true feelings toward Karkat Vantas. In reality, his veneer is as thin and transparent as cellophane. He is the only person who can’t see through it.

Jade does some calculations in her head. Two kinds of calculations, in fact: mathematical ones and personal ones." So, is Jade reading too much into their relationship, or are the dudes just... Both too shy?

"JADE: soooooo JADE: do you want a projection of her first years hit on the economy down to the decimal with a 0.3% margin of error JADE: because thats a thing i can do if itll make you stop talking about this stupid election for ten minutes" I didn't know that were First Guardian powers! :p I suppose it might be her natural intellect though, but we've only known her as the hands-on science type until now.

"She proceeds to dazzle the two boys with explications on complex math utilizing taxation rates, GDP figures, and some damned thing called the “Laffer curve,”" Dang, Jade is as much committed to this as Dave! (Or maybe she learned all this because it means so much to him, that could be it too!)

"The thing about Jade Harley is that she’s not as good at personal things as she is at other things. Like science, or mastering fraymotifs, or kissing, the last of which she has definitely put a lot of levels into over the past few years because, well, what else are you supposed to do with immortal godhood once you hit the age where the dog hormones start kicking into overdrive?" Guess for dogs, kissing isn't that personal. :p And well, I guess Jade's only now learning the real consequences of turning into a real-life furry. At least she won't have had lack of candidates to practice kissing with. She might even have become the Witch of Spacing Out Young Adults.

"Her high-prescription lenses make her eyes look anime-huge. They might literally be glittering, she’s so completely serious about the issue she is trying to stress." And the fan artists rejoiced for all the new descriptions they have to work with!

" JADE: im about to lay out some cold hard evidence so pay attention! KARKAT: OH, HANG ON, LET ME GET A PEN." You can't live together with Dave for years without learning when it's time to start taking notes and grab a fucking pen.

"JADE: evidence about..... JADE: our relationship! KARKAT: FUCK" Pfff, okay, never mind. I think Jade might have hit a wall several times over before, trying to either define their relationship or take it to the next level. These dudes are really sensitive about their feelings, after all.

But it would be interesting, learning Jade wants to know where they stand just as much as the outside world does.

"JADE: you let me live in your hive when im in town KARKAT: I CAN’T BELIEVE... JADE: im preeeetty intimately entwined in both your lives KARKAT: THAT YOU’RE JUST TALKING ABOUT THIS? JADE: AND you dont disengage from about 86.234% of my flirtations KARKAT: WAIT, WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU KEEP TRACK OF SOMETHING LIKE THAT? JADE: so....... are we doing this or not?" So, just like with taking on Lord English and acknowledging the lit fuse that is Earth C society, I guess the coming around of April 13th 2019 is when Jade had enough of all this silly business and wants to know what's what. (Also, I suppose the level of intimacy they shared on beforehand will be left to speculation.)

"KARKAT: DOING WHAT?! JADE: dating dummy!!!!!!!! KARKAT: OH. KARKAT: THAT IS KARKAT: THAT IS... A COMPLICATED TOPIC IN MY CULTURE THAT I’M NOT SURE HUMANS ARE EQUIPPED TO TALK ABOUT." Smooth, Karkat, real smooth. Maybe Karkat fears commitment will lead to some of their relationships shifting into other quadrants. And he wouldn't like to be moirails or auspistices with either of them.

"DAVE: also totally unrelated to the economy" ... Nice try Dave, but I think this can't be steered back into that track.

"DAVE: which not gonna lie is the only thing i want to talk about for uh DAVE: for however long it takes for this other conversation to stop happening JADE: so say no!!! DAVE: well KARKAT: UHHHHH JADE: im not just forcing this conversation for my sake! its for you two as well JADE: i mean after all this time have you two even kissed yet?????? DAVE: wha" I think Dave and Karkat might actually have been both content to stay uncommitted and fearful to put a label on it. Also Jade's question will presumably remain unanswered, it's already surprising it's confirmed she hasn't seen them kissing. And that is ignoring the matter of whether either Dave or Karkat kissed Jade before. I guess it's only fortunate for this situation that this instance of Jade never dated Davesprite, it would only complicate things further.

"DAVE: wha KARKAT: WH-WHY WOULD DAVE: uhh KARKAT: WHY WOULD WE KISS?? DAVE: thats KARKAT: THAT’S... YOU... I MEAN, HE’S... HE’S DAVE. DAVE: we KARKAT: AND I’M KARKAT." PFffffffff, hilarious! I can just see them blushing like tomatoes right now. Can't keep staying in denial bros!

"JADE: yes hes dave and youre karkat and everyone we know always calls you that JADE: “dave and karkat”" Hah! Yeah, but they also think you're part of the item, Jade. Care to shed some thoughts on the subject?

"JADE: i cant remember the last time i heard anyone mention one of you without the other JADE: the two of you have basically been together since your days on the meteor its SO obvious" Jade has turned this from a personal matter into a fandom matter. "Everyone and their dog knows you're dating, guys! Stop pretending otherwise!" It's interesting to note the different ways Dave has been seen handling relationships. When he dated Terezi in the GO timeline, it went south due her troubles in the black quadrant. When Davesprite dated Jade, it went south due to unresolved Dave issues, presumably having to do with his bros. With Karkat, Dave's been in a stable-ish thing for the longest time, though.

" KARKAT: VERY CLOSE FRIENDS WHO UNDERSTAND AND SUPPORT EACH OTHER ON A DEEP AND EMPATHETIC LEVEL THAT GOES BEYOND HATE OR PITY. YOU COULD EVEN SAY THAT OUR RELATIONSHIP... KARKAT: ...TRANSCENDS QUADRANTS." ... PFfffffff, so this could have been what it was like for the Sufferer and the Disciple, then! They were just never ready to commit? That would actually be funnier than it being this deep and fulfilling relationship. It would also make Doc Scratch' misgivings on the relationship even more hilarious.

"JADE: yeaaaaaah not gonna lie karkat but that sounds totally kinda gay KARKAT: UGH YOU HUMANS AND YOUR UNFATHOMABLE GENDER BASED QUADRANTS." ... Heh. Actually. Too trolls, the whole gender-based romance thing we have going must indeed be as unfathomable as leprechaun romance.

"Jade faceplams." Well that's a new verb. ;) What part of the body is the 'plam', exactly?

" KARKAT: ANYWAY WEREN’T YOU... DATING THAT CARAPACIAN COUPLE? LAST TIME WE CHECKED?" Lolwut. Jade. Jade are you... are you being a Ms. Casanova, a paramour or two in every city you frequent? If WV and PM turn out to be alive for the sole purpose of dating Jade, I'll choke on my drink.

" DAVE: wait you saying we arent fun JADE: whens the last time either of you left the house??????" I know Jade means it as in, she'd like to date them for keeps. But I also fulheartedly believe Dave and Karkat can sustain themselves on delivery pizza and chinese chow.

"In her other hand, she tries to grab Dave’s wrist, but he flash-steps to the other side of the couch." Well that's a new use of the power, guess Dave must really have felt alarmed. :p

"JADE: i wanna try dating for real KARKAT: HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED KARKAT: SORRY IF WHAT I’M ABOUT TO SAY TOTALLY BLOWS YOUR MIND KARKAT: DATING A SINGLE PERSON, FOR MORE THAN HALF A SWEEP, FOR REASONS OTHER THAN INITIATING THE CONCUPISCENT EXCHANGE OF FLUIDS?" Karkat is trying to throw the issue back into Jade's face by saying she should try dating for a longer period of time. But that's exactly what she's trying to do here! She knows who she wants that with! That poor little troll, he's not getting out from under this.

"JADE: third of all karkat arent you from a culture where people are expected to engage in romantic relationships with up to like five people at a time?? KARKAT: THAT’S NOT KARKAT: THAT’S NOT THE SAME THING AT ALL." If he's trying to avoid getting dragged into quadrants with people, he should stop upholding the validity of the quadrants to hold people off. :p

"DAVE: ok jade i think theres a flaw in your approach here cause you seem to think winning an argument on super clever logical grounds is gonna get a couple dudes to break down and fling themselves at you in like, a sexual way JADE: wellll it usually does ;B DAVE: oh my fucking god" So she swoons people by way of her big brain. Jade's got CLASS.

"This earns Dave a look. A long, sad one that has Jade messing with her glasses again so that she can peer right at him and apply some more of that faulty personal math to his facial expression." Just confirmation here that Jade isn't necessarily correct in all her assessments due to not being objective.

"JADE: dave are you in love with obama? DAVE: jade jesus where do you get this shit from JADE: is it about jesus then??????" Aaaaaand this has been derailed again.

"DAVE: no! DAVE: jesus wasnt even real JADE: i know he wasnt real! JADE: wait... JADE: are you saying JADE: obama was real? DAVE: ... DAVE: yes" Wut. Wai- I- Jade. Honey. Please. Guess for all her involvement in politics since, those isolated years on the island sheltered her WAY too much.

"DAVE: obama was real DAVE: he was the president KARKAT: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA JADE: all this time i thought obama was like JADE: an aspirational fictional character that you modeled your life after KARKAT: AHAHAHAHA I CAN’T AHAHA BREATHE... JADE: like snoop dog or nicolas cage" ... Jade. Jade no. You're just making this worse on yourself. For Jade, there would have been almost nothing in Homestuck she'd have seen as a reference to 'real life', would there?

"senary numeral systems that allow me to do complex equations in my head" ... Why is Base 6 good for complex equations? I'm probably not good enough at math to know.

"KARKAT: WHY IS IT LIKE SOME SORT OF *TRAGEDY* HOW SHE WAS RAISED? KARKAT: BECAUSE SHE WAS RAISED ALONE BY AN ANIMAL?? KARKAT: *I* WAS RAISED ALONE BY AN ANIMAL!" There! It's getting acknowledged again, how Jade's upbringing more resembles a troll than a human's! Becquerel the lusus.

"There’s a ripple in the room that makes it clear their god tier powers have just clashed against each other. He shifts his arm through time and Jade warps the space around them so that she’s the one holding the tablet. This is not the first time that they have rearranged the fabric of reality for a petty reason like this. Karkat has permanently sworn off playing board games with them." ... Lol. First real use of the god tier powers in Earth C, and it goes like this! Wait, couldn't Jade have snapped... Right, no, she actually wouldn't have First Guardian powers anymore now, I forgot. Still, what did Dave try to do, move the tablet to another point in the timeline?

"The moment Jade brings the paint program up on the television, Karkat stops laughing. KARKAT: NO!" Oh boy. Time for the Penis Quadrant scene, this time with three people. ... This would actually fall under both definitions of a "sketch", actually.

"He tries to grab the tablet from her, but she’s hovering well above the ground and he simply is not tall enough to reach. With a shit-eating grin and deliberate care, Jade begins to draw a grid." He's going to jump up to grab her leg, to disturb the drawing, isn't he?

"She gives Karkat a pair of fuzzy, angry eyebrows" Now I'm starting to think of the Karkat expressions in that one Paradox Space.

"all he accomplishes is turning the redrom trajectory between her and Dave into a redrom loop-de-loop." This is all I could want from a reprise of this scene.

"JADE: see me and karkat have great black chemistry! KARKAT: IT IS NOT BLACK CHEMISTRY YOU HORRID NON-CHITINOUS WINDBAG!" A+ denial there, Karkat, props on the response.

"JADE: and now that daves all chill hed make a great auspistice" Jade just wants all Karkat's quadrants filled by the three of them, somehow.

"JADE: because you and karkat are kind of like moirails DAVE: no JADE: and you and i JADE: well yknow its always been pretty flirty DAVE: jade JADE: EXCEPT!

Jade finishes drawing a shaky heart directly into the paint program. It’s so big and bright on the TV that it fills the entire room with red light." She's putting all these names and symbols to the relationship, it might just be too much for these poor boys to handle. :p

"JADE: i call this political arrangement: JADE: fully automated luxury polyamorous space-time communism!!!!!!!" That is not the shipping name I would've chosen, but it's the shipping name we deserve. And hey, communism! Get it? Cause Karkat had a sickle.

I wonder what Karkat's take on polyamory outside of the ashen quadrant is, actually.

"Jade rolls her eyes and tosses both the tablet and pen over her shoulder. Dave flashes across the living room to catch his very expensive computing device in both arms. The pen bounces off his forehead." This. Entire. Scene.

"JADE: i have to go talk to roxy and callie about the election anyway" Well, she's going to let them stew on this for a while. But I'm eager to find out who Roxy & Calliope would back. You might think Jane's a given, but if she's been busy maybe they have grown closer to Jade & Dave!

"Jade clicks her heels together to propel herself back into the air and actually winks at them before absconding through an open window." Think happy thoughts! Also, I just realized becoming a god sadly never gave Karkat the powers of flight.

"Dave and Karkat both stare after her, silently caught in their own private rationalization spirals.

Karkat needs to verbalize part of his out loud." Ah, but can they stay in that spiral or will they have no choice but to break out of it?

"KARKAT: WANNA PLAY SOME TROLL TONY HAWK? DAVE: hell DAVE: yeah" Yyyyyeaah, they are not going to have changed when Jade comes back, will they?

So even Karkat calls it "Troll Tony Hawk", not whatever absurdly wrong name it'd have on Alternia, and not whatever Tony Hawk's duodecimal name in Alternian would be. :P

[choosingmylife]

Memories (Jake x MC)

as So, I tried this earlier and I did it and I thought it was great and I was proud of it and then Tumblr said BITCH YOU THOUGHT! and it was gone so...yeah. I’m going to try and rewrite it the same way as before but whatever. It’s pretty long because I got started and couldn’t stop and it just rode away from me. Enjoy you lovely people!

Some lines are directly from Pixelberry’s Choices: Stories You Play, and there are characters from there as well, if this is how you do this credit thing. (please don’t sue me. it’d be pointless anyway cause im a broke college student so...)

Warning, I almost cried writing it so, maybe keep some tissues nearby? Whatever works for you. Anyway, here ya go.

God, he was stupid. So incredibly stupid. How could he let Mike talk him into this? Better yet, how could he even consider going through with it?

But he had, at least enough to be standing here, just past the front door of the local bar he and Mike frequent. He’d wanted to meet in a place he felt comfortable in and he figured a place where all the employees knew his name would be a good one. So this is where he’d told Mike to set up his date.

Yeah, his date.

He wanted to turn around and walk back out the door, away from this date he hadn’t really wanted, away from the music that always played just a little too loudly for his liking. He should go home, down ten out of the twelve beers in his fridge (because you need one, or two, to chase the pain pill for the hangover the next morning) and fight against the memories he always worked so hard to forget. 

Just as he turned to leave, a voice called out to him and stopped him in his tracks.

“Jake?”

He slowly turned back and located the source of the sound. It wasn’t hard, she was practically standing on a bar stool and was waving, frantically, at him.

“Jake! Over here!” she called and he let out a slow breath. She’d seen him, called for him, and he’d responded, so he very well couldn’t leave now. 

He walked over to her and she leaned forward to hug him, her vibrant red hair falling over her shoulder and onto his. He caught the smell of it, a plain soap kind of smell, and he longed for a mix of sweat, outdoors, and honey to fill his senses. But it’d been a long while since the last time that particular scent had been in the air and he’d never smell it again. 

“I’m so glad you could make it,” she says as she pulls back and sits back in her bar stool.

“Yeah, thanks for coming...Kathryn, right?” he asks and she nods.

“Most people call me Kat, but yeah, that’s me,” she replies, lifting both thumbs towards herself briefly before setting them back on the table.

“Alright, Kat it is, then,” he says and they both fall into an awkward silence. Jake isn’t sure where to go from here, other than to high tail it back to his lonely, one bedroom apartment. 

While they sit, both looking everywhere but each other, out of the corner of his eye, Jake sees her raise one hand to her face and her thumb goes into her mouth. A simple, nervous gesture, but one that hits his heart so painfully and provokes a memory that slams into his mind.

“I don’t know about this, Jake. It just seems like everything is going to-”

“Stop worrying, Princess. I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise,” Jake assures her, but it doesn’t ease the worry lines from her face. She turns from him, putting her thumb to her mouth and biting it as she starts to pace. 

Jake walks to her, putting one hand on her waist to still her and using the other hand to gently pull her finger from her mouth. “I’ll take care of you, okay? Nothing’s gonna happen to you, or any of our friends. You’ve got to relax.”

She turns her head to him and frowns, “And who’s going to look after you?”

He scoffs, “I’m invincible, Princess. Nobody’s gonna get to me unless I want ‘em to. Now quit all of that worryin’, or you’ll get wrinkles on that gorgeous face and I’ll have to swap you out for someone else.”

She rolls her eyes, but smiles despite herself. She playfully hits his chest, “You couldn’t get rid of me, even if you wanted to.”

He pulls her against him, her body molding into his as if it was always meant to be there. “Like I’d ever want to,” he mutters, laying a kiss on her lips and enjoying the sigh that falls out of her mouth. If her lips and that sound were the last things he’d experience in this world, he’d die a happy man.

“Jake?” Kat’s voice brings Jake back to the present. 

He shakes his head to clear it and forces a smile onto his face, “Sorry, were you saying something?”

Kat nods, biting her lower lip. “Yeah, I just asked if you wanted to get something to drink.”

He looks away, towards the bar and the line of bottles on the shelves. He wants a drink, badly, to chase away the demons of the past, but he knows if he starts he won’t be able to stop. 

“No, I’m alright,” he tells her and she signals for the waitress, who comes and takes the order before leaving them alone again.

Kat takes in a deep breath, “So, you and Mike are friends?” she asks.

“Yeah.”

She nods and drums her fingers on the table top. She speaks again, another question, “Are you guys close?”

“Mmhmm,” he mumbles as the waitress comes back with Kat’s drink.

Kat takes a long sip and Jake glances at the way her throat moves as she drinks, an enticing sight that would have any guy wanting to kiss or lick it for hours. But Jake wasn’t just any guy and the very thought of being intimate with anyone else made him feel nauseous. Still, the movement didn’t leave him unaffected, at least not in the way it should have, and he tries to fight it, but another memory forces its way into his head.

“You gotta try this, Princess. Raj found it the other day and it tastes amazing!”

She looks apprehensively at the item in Jake’s hand and shakes her head. The fruit, or what he assumes is fruit, has a solid brown exterior, with prickly hairs poking out of it all over. Jake has cut the fruit in two and she can see the soft, purple inside. It’s not like any fruit she’d seen and on this island, there was no telling what could happen if she ate it. But Jake seems so excited about it...

After a moment, she groans, “If this kills me, tell everyone I died heroically. Make it a way better story than this.”

“Stop being so dramatic and just eat it already,” he demands and she grabs one piece to bring it to her mouth.

Just before she opens and places it inside, she freezes and looks at Jake, “But what if-”

“Just eat it!” he exclaims, pushing the piece into her mouth. He watches her face scrunch up as a sourness hits her taste-buds and then shifts to pleasure when a sweetness takes over. 

“Mm! That’s so good!” she manages to say, mouth full of the sweet fruit. She says something else, but Jake doesn’t hear it. His eyes are focused on a trail of purple juice that’s falling down her chin and to her throat. He can imagine how it would taste, a mix of sweet nectar and saltiness from the sweltering heat. He wanted so badly to lean down, lick and suck the liquid away until the purple turned to red, marking her as his for everyone to know.

“Jake?” she says, concern in her voice. He glances into her big, brown eyes before zoning back in on the trail of purple that has now slipped down to the top of her chest. The look in his eyes makes her gasp.

“No, Jake. We can’t! Our friends are literally right behind those trees,” she hisses and points, but he only grins as he pulls her to him.

“Then I guess we gotta be real quiet, Princess,” he whispers before he descends onto her throat. She moans and grasps at his hair, neither one really caring if anyone actually heard them.

A glass slamming onto the table brings Jake back this time. He looks at Kat and sees her mouth in a tight line, knuckles white as she holds the glass on the table.

“I’m sorry, Kat. Really. I just...” he trails off and, after a second of staring at him, she relaxes. 

“I understand. I’m not her. I can see it in your eyes. Whoever you’re missing, I’m not her,” she says and his eyes widen in shock.

“But... how did you...?”

She moves to stand, grabbing a jacket he hadn’t seen hanging on the back of her stool and putting it on. “I don’t think this is going to work out, Jake. But, can I say something?” she asks and he nods.

“Let it go. Let her go. Whatever you have to do, because what you’re doing now? It’s not healthy. From what Mike’s told me about you, which isn’t a whole lot, you deserve to be happy. Living in the past only makes you miserable. Move on, Jake.”

He sits in stunned silence as she walks past him, only stopping to put a comforting hand on his shoulder, and leaves the bar. He ponders over her words, knows the truth in them, but it isn’t as simple as she makes it seem. He can’t just let her go and move on. And he wasn’t miserable, not really. He just missed her. A lot. All of the time.

Sighing deeply, he gets out a couple of bills and throws them on the high table before he exits out of the front door. He decides to walk home, needing the fresh air to help him calm down and think, to get himself together. 

Except, with the thinking comes the memories. And it doesn’t help that everywhere he looks, he’s reminded of her in some way. Each memory running in before the previous one can even finish.

Like the song that plays as he leaves the bar, one that happens to have been her favorite song. “I love it so much! It’s definitely on my list of top ten favorite songs,” she tells him. He’s only half listening to her, but, before he knows it, she takes his hand and pulls him up. She starts swaying to the beat of no music and it takes everything inside of him not to kiss her. God, he should kiss her. “Dance with me, Top Gun. I know you’ve got moves.” He smirks. “Oh I’ve got moves, Princess. Just not one’s for the dance floor.” He winks at her and takes pride in the way her cheeks blush a pretty red at his words. If that’s all it takes to make that happen, then he wondered just how far that blush could go when the heat got turned up....

Or the kids laughing with their parents as they leave the family restaurant across the street. “Have you ever thought about having a family?” she asks, her brown hair splayed across his arm as her head lays on his chest. “No, I never thought it was in the cards for me,” he says and she sits up in bed, the cover falling off of her just enough to torture him. “Do you think it might be in the cards now? With me?” Jake looks at her barely covered chest and grins, “If it means I get to see what’s under that blanket a hell of a lot more than I absolutely think it is now.” And he leans up to pull her back down to him, a chorus of giggles hitting his ears as he tickles her....

And a faint smell of flowers as he passes a park reminds him of the day they had their hand-fasting ceremony. She had looked stunning that day and he couldn’t wait to tear that dress off of her, almost deciding to do it right then and there, ceremony and crowd of people be damned. He also remembered his promise to her, told as he stared into the eyes he would spend the rest of his life gladly drowning in. “Being with you is everything to me...I’m not half the man a true Princess deserves, but I’m gonna give it all I got and then some. With a little luck, maybe we can land this thing somewhere near ‘happily ever after’.” He couldn’t believe all the luck he’d already had just to win her heart, hell, to have met her at all. But he would spend a life time showing just how thankful he was for all of that luck.

The wind picks up as he walks, stinging his eyes and ruffling his hair. The chilly night air brings him back to that night, the night he lost her, and he tries to contain the tears that threaten to fall. “There’s something else.” A beat. “I c-can complete the Island’s Heart...by giving myself to it. The world would go back to normal...but Vaanu and I will be gone forever.” She looks so broken, so scared. Jake’s heart is in his throat and anger wells inside of him. “Dammit, don’t you know I’d come after you? I’d find a way! Cross every mile of space to get you back! My heart is where you belong, not Vaanu’s.” The tears are there, in both of their eyes as she wraps him a hug. They both squeeze too tight but it doesn’t matter. Jake knows what she’s chosen, what will happen. He can already feel a hole ripping through his chest and going straight to his heart. How is he ever going to live without her?

Turns out, he couldn’t and with the assault of memories, each one more painful than the last, his legs give out and his knees hit the hard sidewalk. He is fully crying now, unable to stop the river as it pours out of him and it’s taking everything in him to stay vertical. He misses her so much, yearns for her every minute of every day. If he could have one minute, just one minute to see her beautiful face, to hold her in his arms, kiss her lips and remind himself of her taste as he is blessed with one of her soft sighs when their tongues tangle with each other. 

“Jake? Jake!” he hears Mike call out, but he doesn’t see him. His vision is too blurry and he doesn’t have the energy anymore. The memories took it, the pain a more than willing accomplice. Hands go under his arms and suddenly, he’s standing again and Mike is there, holding him up, holding him together.

“Jesus, man. What...what happened?” Mike grunts out as he half carries Jake to his apartment.

Jake doesn’t answer the question. “Phone,” he mumbles.

“What?”

“The phone, Mike.” 

Mike stops moving and looks at his friend, studying him. Jake had given him the phone a few months after they’d all gotten back, to keep it safe in case something happened and to keep Jake from obsessing over it day in and day out. It’d taken some begging and pleading to get to the agreement that Mike could have possession of the phone, until a time when Jake really needed it. Neither one of them knew what that meant or what they needed to look for to know, but it’d worked so far. Jake had moved on as much as he could, at least enough to bathe and get a job, and Mike considered that a win.

But right now, the way his friend looked, Mike knew it was time. He fished the phone out of his pocket and handed it over. Jake let out a breath of relief, like simply seeing the phone was enough to save him. He quickly navigated the phone to what he needed and held it up to his ear as they entered his apartment building.

“Jake, I promised you a year and a day, and I’m sorry I won’t be able to fulfill that vow. Part of me will be with you always....”

Jake closes his eyes as he listens to her sweet, melodic voice and replays it over and over. Oh how he wished she was here right now. He needs her, he needs her more than he could ever imagine. Why isn’t she here?

Mike walks him into his apartment and deposits him on the couch, shaking his head and sighing sadly at the state of his friend. He leaves him alone to do something, probably to find a more put together friend, one that isn’t cursed with a broken heart for the rest of time, Jake doesn’t know and doesn’t really care. He listens to the recording, playing it as the night turns into morning. The thought of what was and what could have been haunts him until he’s begging for a remedy from all of the pain. 

When will it stop hurting?

[bangtanata-blog]

Bite me!

Zombie Apocalypse AU - April Fools Day Special

Summary: Jimin is fairly sure he’s going to die.

[warnings: minor character deaths, light angst, crack treated seriously, hopeful ending. No pairing but I guess you can consider it vmin/jikook/jinkook/namseokgi if you squint reaaaaaaaaaally hard]

[...its REALLY a fic guys, really! so dont be afraid to click on the read more!! i promise its not a jump scare or screamer or anything. Im not that mean dskkhs]

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Jimin is fairly sure he’s going to die.

He’s done a pretty good job in trying to stay alive, he supposes. It’s been close to two years since the breakout—thank God for lingering electricity he can use to charge his phone whenever he’s in a safe place, to be honest—and a lot of people had died when they fumbled and tried to stay alive. They should’ve watched more zombie movies or shows, Jimin from before would think, but Taehyung who watched zombie movies with him died too, sometime during winter last year, a few months after the breakout.

He died protecting Jimin.

Guess he should’ve been the one paying more attention to the movies, because he had been dumb and Taehyung… Taehyung had protected him. And died because of it.

“Run, Jiminie.” The idiot had the gall to smile his usual boxy smile, despite how strained it was, despite how his shoulder must’ve hurt from the bite that Jimin should’ve gotten instead of him.

Jimin thinks Taehyung must’ve known, inside, that despite the both of them having butchered some zombies in an effort to stay alive, Jimin wouldn’t be able to do the same to Taehyung. Jimin would rather die than do that to his best friend, even if said best friend was literally dying and would come back as a zombie out of all things.

Taehyung must’ve known, that Jimin was dying inside even if he wasn’t bitten, because Taehyung got bit and it was because of him.

Still—he smiled, the absolute idiot, still sweet and caring and just the very very best even until the very end, because he ushered Jimin outside and made him lock the door from outside, practically barricading the place.

Jimin was safe, but Taehyung was not.

Still, Jimin ran. Because Taehyung told him to. Because he promised, between frantic apologies and near endless tears, to live for the both of them. Because he promised to survive.

He ran out of the building, and never dared to come back.

(He’s a failure of a best friend).

After that, it was a solo effort to stay alive. He met some people along the way, travelled with them for awhile. But it was… different. He couldn’t trust them like he could trust Taehyung. Couldn’t rely on them like he could to his best friend.

(And if Jimin made his best friend die, what made them think he wouldn’t end up causing the same on a group of strangers?)

Some people told him it was his grief talking, but in all honesty, Jimin doesn’t really care. What matters is that he’s alive and he’ll continue on trying to stay alive.

It’s hard, sometimes. He’s tired, stressed, and sometimes he just wants to throw himself to the swarm of zombies somewhere in the city and just… follow his best friend.

(It’s lonely).

But then, he’ll remember the promise he’s made and he finds himself walking with renewed vigor, surviving and breathing and alive. Because how could he just waste the life Taehyung tried so hard to protect? He won’t do that. He can’t.

And so, he lives.

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But of course, sometimes the universe just likes to fuck things up, because Jimin is fairly certain he’s going to die now.

He’s trapped, in a mall’s dressing room, out of all things. Surprisingly enough the place isn’t exactly swarmed with zombies, unlike some other places, but there are still a few; few enough for Jimin to sneak past and ignore, easily enough with his two years expertise of avoiding and murdering zombies alike.

He just wanted to nap. The dressing room is secluded enough and he wants to lock the door, lie down, and rest peacefully.

How is he supposed to know there’s a zombie in a fucking dressing room in the first place?

And now, he’s stuck. There’s a zombie in front of him, dragging their feet slowly towards him, complete with the rotting flesh and all. His weapons are lying a bit too far away for him to reach, and Jimin clenches his jaw.

Is this it? Is this the end for him?

Is he going to die in a dressing room? How lame must that be?

At least Taehyung got to die heroically, saving his best friend and all that, Jimin thinks a bit hysterically. He’s going to die in a dressing room because he’s too sleep deprived to think properly and he’s stupid and oh God he’s going to die now—

(“Stay alive for the both of us, okay?”)

Jimin chokes on a sob, squeezing his eyes shut. He’s trembling, he knows. He probably looks pathetic right now. If Taehyung’s here, he will probably laugh at Jimin.

(Or he will probably try to save him like back then).

(What an idiot).

The thing is, Jimin wants to stay alive. He wants to, really. It’s basically an ingrained response from him already. He has to stay alive. He has to fight back, run for his life. He has to survive. He promised. He has to.

He promised.

(“Love you, Jiminie.”)

His eyes snap open.

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Sometimes, when someone is cornered, their behavior might not be something someone would choose to do if they’re calmer and more capable of thinking rationally.

The thing is, Jimin can’t really think rationally right now.

Which is why, when the zombie—who probably used to be a guy, from what little hair was left and the clothing—gets close enough to Jimin to bite him, Jimin—

Jimin, well—

He opens his mouth.

Chomp.

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So.

Rotten flesh doesn’t taste good.

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It doesn’t stop Jimin though.

He growls, practically digging his teeth deeper to the rotten flesh on the zombie’s exposed shoulder.

He bites the zombie first. Because fuck you, that’s why. Nobody is going to chomp on him without his permission, okay? If there’s anyone chomping on anything with their teeth, it’s Jimin.

Fuck the norm; he’ll bite on this disgusting zombie’s rotting skin before the zombie can do that to him. He’ll probably turn regardless, thanks to virus or bacteria or whatever, so it’s not like there’s any difference. Bet the zombie didn’t expect that though, ha.

(If he’s going to die in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, he wants to die on his terms).

(He hopes Taehyung won’t be that disappointed in him when he gets to the after life).

(Knowing his best friend though… He’ll probably just cackle).

Jimin releases the zombie, triumphant. He manages to find the strength to roll away from the zombie, wiping his mouth and grimacing over the aftertaste.

Now that he’s gotten some time to think over his actions, he finds himself a bit bewildered. Though now that it’s all over and done, he can’t really turn back time. He’s going to die here, he knows it.

Though, when he looks back at the zombie, confused as to why the thing hasn’t risen up from the ground, teeth snapping and basically pouncing on Jimin for some good warm flesh to chomp on, he finds himself gaping.

Because the skin, the flesh—that was rotten before and rotten when Jimin bit on it, it’s… growing? It’s growing, and it’s turning into… something fresher, something red and raw, before it’s slowly covered by layers and layers of new skin and holy fuck is it regenerating itself????

And so, for the next five minutes or so, Jimin is left sitting on the floor, gaping as the zombie’s body practically stitches itself back up, into something fresh and human like. And by the time it’s done, what was once the walking dead is replaced by a rather build young man, probably younger than Jimin, with jet black hair and flexing muscles that can be seen from the torn and dirty black hoodie the zombie had been wearing.

The young man—the zombie—is breathing, Jimin notices a bit hysterically. He’s breathing and blinking and shaking his head, as if trying to orient himself.

What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuc—

“What the fuck.”

The young man breathes out, sounding bewildered. Jimin almost yelps like a little girl.

Actually, he probably did, because the young man snaps his head to look at him, wide doe eyes meeting Jimin’s in full force.

Oh.

Oh, he’s attractive.

That’s so unfair, Jimin thinks. He’s a zombie, why must he be attractive?

“You—Wha?” The zombie—is he even still a zombie? Jimin is a bit confused now—tilts his head, eyebrows furrowed and mouth agape. “Wait… What happened?”

…Why is he asking Jimin that? He’s the one who wants to know what happened. One second he was a flesh eating zombie and now he’s an attractive young man wearing torn clothing. It’s Jimin who should be asking questions, really.

“I should be asking you that,” Jimin says, weakly. The young man is still staring at him, and Jimin wants to fidget away from the focused gaze settled on him. “You were about to eat me,” he says, and the young man chokes on his spit. “And you turned into…” He gestures to the other’s body, “this.”

“I—I was about to…?” He trails off, aghast. “Right, I was—I got bit. I should’ve… I was—I was a zombie?” Jimin nods. “And I was about to… eat you?” Another nod.

“Oh. Oh wow. I’m so sorry.” And the guy honestly looks sorry, which is a bit funny for Jimin, because wow, look at him! Chatting with a zombie (or a former zombie?), and the zombie apologized at him for trying to do zombie stuff and eat him.

God, what has his life come to? This is so crazy, and Jimin actually finds humor from this.

He giggles, not missing the way the other guy’s eyes seem to light up a bit at that or the slight flush on the man’s cheeks. He chooses to ignore it though, because there are more important matters to address, obviously.

“So… Why did you suddenly… turn back into… this, Mr. Zombie?”

“Jungkook,” the other man says, and Jimin blinks.

“Huh?”

“It’s Jungkook. My name. Jeon Jungkook. Not zombie. Um. Not anymore? I guess?”

“…Alright, Jungkook,” he lets, “you’re no longer… a zombie?”

The zombie—now named Jungkook—furrows his eyebrows. “I… Don’t think so?”

“You don’t have any lingering killing intent? Hunger for human flesh?”

“No, but I would like to eat some ramyeon, though.”

“Huh,” Jimin breathes out. Jungkook is no longer a zombie. His flesh grew back and now he’s back to be a functional human being. “How…?”

Jungkook shrugs. “What happened when I was about to, uh, eat you?”

“Uh,” Jimin blinks. “Um, well, you were about to eat me, and I was cornered, and my weapons aren’t nearby, so I kinda… bit your shoulder?”

Jungkook stares. He looks so dumfounded that Jimin has to stifle his laughter.

“You bit my shoulder?”

“Hey, I was desperate, okay! You were about to bite me, and I don’t like non-consensual biting.”

“So you… bit me.”

“Figured I’ll turn into a zombie that way too. I don’t know why I even did that. I panicked.”

“Have you ever bitten another zombie before?”

Jimin grimaces. “Of course not, why would I? Your shoulder tasted gross, you should know that. It’s all rotten flesh and everything, blergh.”

“You bit me.”

“I told you, I was panicking!”

“No, you bit me.” Jungkook presses. “You bit me and I turned back into human.”

….

“No fucking way.”

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

So, it turns out reverse biting a zombie can turn them back into human beings. Who would’ve known? Jimin would like to send a big FUCK YOU to the universe for not sending him this note earlier. Imagine the amount of grief he would’ve been able to avoid, gosh.

He’s not convinced with the theory, though, not really. That’s crazy and just because Jungkook magically turned back into a human once Jimin bit him, it doesn’t mean it’ll work for every zombies on earth, and Jimin isn’t exactly willing to try it out a second time.

But Jungkook is, and the guy somehow takes it into a challenge to convince Jimin about this reverse biting theory, because he’s fairly certain his hyung was here somewhere too, since they were shopping together here when they got bit and turned into zombies, and Jungkook wants his hyung back of course, so he’s going to bite his hyung, as if it’s normal.

Jimin wonders why all the attractive guys are a bit crazy. Taehyung was attractive and he was a bit too extra sometimes, too.

(He supposes he’s a bit crazy himself, though, since he was the one who initiated the first reverse biting in the first place).

But then Jungkook bites on an unsuspecting zombie’s arm with his bunny teeth and that zombie becomes Kim Seokjin, full of pent up yelling and puns, and yeah, Jimin is convinced.

.

.

They turned back the zombies in the whole mall in one night.

.

.

.

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.

“Can we go here?” He points at the map. Jungkook and Jin—who chooses to follow Jimin around instead of going on a reverse biting spree like the rest of the ex-zombies at the mall. Jimin remembers enthusiastic Jung Hoseok who literally danced his way out of the mall, yelling about going to a studio and saving ‘Joonie and Yoongi-hyung’, whoever they are—blink at the spot he’s chosen, raising their eyebrows. They’ve been traveling together for awhile now, the three of them avoiding the places with swarms of zombies for safety purposes. They’ve started biting onto random zombies, turning them back to humans and sending them away on their merry ways since they found out the ‘cure’ for the outbreak. They still avoid the places with swarms of zombies though; reverse biting helps you jack shit if you get swarmed by dozens of zombies from all around, after all.

Jimin looks at the both of them, a small smile on his face.

“Isn’t that a factory?” Jin inquires, hefting his backpack.

“Yeah, I really wanna go there.”

“Why?”

“My best friend is there,” he smiles. “I bet he’s waiting for me to pick him up.”

.

.

.

.

Happy April Fools day, guys.

[parkandzhong]

Chensung's Rap Adventure

Chensung are still young, and even tho Chenle’s a kid with a lot free reign, he does have a curfew. They both have to be home by 10 whenever they go out, so they can’t do that many fun teenager things. One time they do get to break the curfew, though, is after they convince their mothers to let them go watch Mark “perform”.

Mark is a good kid who’s on the student council and volleyball team. So when they say perform, their mothers assume Mark has taken up acting and is in the school play. Mark’s good at fooling people like this. Which is why their mothers agree to let them go……to the underground club where Mark goes to compete in rap battle competitions.

They set off and hop on the bus at 11:30 and arrive at the club by midnight. Mark doesn’t know that they’re coming, though, because their curfew is usually set for 2 hours ago. Chenle and Jisung still aren’t sure why both of their parents agreed to let them out so late. They’ve only heard Mark rap a handful of times, and hear 00 line rave about the competitions constantly. So to be able to experience the magic in person has them chattering with each other in excitement.

Getting in is easy, because this is one of the few clubs where minors are allowed. Mark is nowhere to be found when they enter the club, but it’s packed full of people whose excitement levels match Chenle and Jisung’s. Nobody really gives them a second glance except one girl who seems to take a liking to Chenle. There are hardly any tables and the bar doesn’t have alcohol behind the bar. The chatter is deafening, and they have to scream to be able to hear each other over it.

When the rap competition starts, Chenle and Jisung immediately see why 00 line get so excited when they talk about it. Chenle’s imitating the rappers and their flow, moving his hands and making a face Jisung assumes is meant to be cool and sexy. Soon, they’re jumping up and down and screaming with everyone else as the boys on the stage diss each other.

“Oh shit, it’s Mark!!!” Jisung yells over the music and the cheering of the people around them.

As soon as Mark starts rapping, Chenle and Jisung are screaming at the top of their lungs. Both of them are jumping and shouting and it’s the best feeling in the world to be together in the club like this supporting Mark and hanging out. They don’t sit down or stop screaming and shouting the entire night. Mark is even better than they remember him being, and they feel a sense of pride seeing their best friend obliterating the competition. The club attendees vote for who wins, and apparently Mark’s on his 5 win streak and he’s just added a 6th.

Finding Mark in the crowd is hard, but luckily Jisung’s tall and able to spot him after 5 minutes of searching. Chenle is the first to crash into him and starts screaming and congratulating him on his win. Jisung’s quick to join in and Mark laughs when Jisung lifts him off the ground.

“HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU SUCH A GOODY TWO SHOES WHEN YOU CAN RAP LIKE THAT!?!?” Jisung asks.

“I still have morals, Jisung,” Mark laughs.

“IF MY MOM MET YOU AND HEARD YOU RAP LIKE THAT I WOULD LITERALLY NEVER BE ALLOWED TO HANG OUT WITH YOU EVER AGAIN. SHE WOULD CALL YOU A BAD INFLUENCE AND FORBID ME FROM BEING YOUR FRIEND. THAT WAS SO SICK!!”

“HOW DO YOU HIDE BEING AN ABSOLUTE RAP KING FROM EVERYONE??”

“It just doesn’t come up in conversation,” Mark shrugs as they walk out of the club. “Come on, I’ll buy you something to eat on the way home.”

Mark gets an earful of excited chatter from Chenle and Jisung as they huddle together in the convenience store with their late night snack. He doesn’t mind too much, though, because it’s nice to see his friends so excited about his passion. He suspects if Chenle and Jisung can convince their mothers to let them go, he’ll be having more nights like this. It’s almost 2 am, but they’re all so hopped up on the energy from the club that none of them will probably be getting any sleep tonight.

They part ways as Mark boards his bus home and Chenle and Jisung make their way home. It’s well into the night when they get back to Chenle’s apartment, but sleep is the last thing on their minds. They spend the entire night in Chenle’s room reliving the night, and Chenle tries to rap some more which makes Jisung laugh so loud he’s pretty sure he almost woke up Chenle’s mom.

They both crash at 8 am, sprawled out on the bed together in the clothes they left in. Chenle’s mom doesn’t bother to wake them up when she goes to check on them that afternoon.

I AM HONESTLY REALLY NOT OKAY READING THIS THIS WAS SO CUTE AND LIKE IM THE GIRL THAT TAKES AN INTEREST TO CHENLE IN THE CLUB THATS ME

[tumblunni]

Oh god this article is so long and just keeps getting scarier what the fuck They RELEASED THE SECOND ATTEMPTED MURDERER WHO WASNT SCHIZOPHRENIC?? We like.. don’t even have any details on her cos she only got three years and is long gone?? SHE LITERALLY GOT RELEASED ON THE INSANITY DEFENSE DESPITE HAVING NO MENTAL ILLNESS The court painted the schizophrenic girl as the ringleader because of her schizophrenia and gave the neurotypical girl an ‘insane by proxy’ not guilty verdict cos oooo she must have just been manupulated by the scary mentally ill girl who THE COURT DECIDED WAS NOT MENTALLY ILL, WHILE RELEASING SOMEONE ELSE ON THE GROUNDS THAT SHE WAS MANIPULATED BY A MENTALLY ILL GIRL. How does the second verdict not void the first one??? And then she just got.. REPEATEDLY diagnosed with schizophrenia by SO MANY people and just kept getting sent to worse and worse adult prisons and denied parole??? she almost got raped by her roommate and she wasnt even coherant enough to explain what was happening to her parents, like fuck it was SO CLOSE! and the rapist also got off scot free and also got released because this girl who WASNT ABLE TO READ OR WRITE OR RECOGNISE HER PARENTS’S FACES ANYMORE was deemed to be capable of making up a complex story about sexual acts that she wouldnt have been able to understand even if she was a normal kid of that age... oh fucking GOD... and on top of everything else they wouldnt let her have her GLASSES in prison?? this girl who was hallucinating got treatment that limited her vision?? HOW THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO.. GOD.. CHRIST... NO WONDER SHE TRIED TO KILL HERSELF! and oh goddddd it says that she got to see a psychologist once FINALLY after all these years for just ONE WEEKEND before the courts dragged her back out of there and locked her up in the same prison she finally got medication and it says that in her one therapy session they explained to her what she did and she was finally able to understand it and she hated herself and then she was thrown back into her hallucinations with no help ever again fuck fuck fuck FUCK

oh fucking god thank you oh fuck it does end with saying she’s in a hospital now oh fuck oh god i was expecting this to end on just that note and for me to scream eternally at how the artcle has no information on how to donate to this family dear GOD she’s at a hospital oh fucking god but the trauma of all those years has still left her shattered and her progress is slow, apparantly :( god i wish i heard about this earlier and i could have donated to the family oh god imagine if she’d been able to get this treatment earlier oh god oh god and her mother is finally able to see her oh fuck thank god fuck it talks about her mother rushing against the traffic to not even be one minute late, always arriving early and having to sit shakily in the waiting room and then how neither of them even know what to say during these half-hour visits but the kid still freaks out so much seeing the clock tick down and just wants to sit there with her mum and hold hands in silence forever she just wants to get in the car and drive home and sleep in her own bed for the first time in so many years fuckkkkkkkk

“I can’t rescue who I want to rescue,” she acknowledged quietly. “So a kitten will have to do for now.” FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKK fuckkkk she saw a starving feral kitten on the drive to visit her daughter and ran around trying to find it again and take it to the vet just so she’d have one happy thing to tell her daughter FUCKKKKING HELLLLL

“ As we spoke that day, Angie spotted the kitten she’d come to save and cornered it. But then an adult cat emerged from the shadows and stepped protectively between them. The relationship between the two felines was clear. So, Angie returned to her car empty-handed. Sick or not, she thought, the kitten belonged with its mother. “ fuck you didnt have to end this article on some cheesy note like that, why the fuck are you doing this to me did that even actually happen or are you just trying to use journalistic metaphors to desperately make people sympathise with this poor child? cos seriously WHAT THE FUCK it is so disgusting that nobody has been giving her the barest shred of human rights, do we really have to resort to fucking kitten stories because nobody actually cares about a severely mentally ill child who has barely seen sunlight for three years due to a FUCKING LAW THAT TREATS TEN YEAR OLDS AS ADULTS

god i think im gonna puke why did i read this why is there no way i can help, oh goddd all the news every day is just more human rights atrocities i cant help with and i’m so scared im gonna either become desensitized or turn it all into wah wah what about me, feel sad for ME, wah wah i fucking feel like killing myself because i watched the news FUCKING. SHUT. UP. HEAD. thats not gonna solve anything thats not gonna make anything better oh goddd im really fucking lightheaded goddd why did i read this but i’d be a monster if i stuck my head in the sand and ignored horrible news cos i care more about myself than other people But GAHHH why cant I HELP?? i cant help either way??? where the fuck is the justice aaaarrgh all i can do is cry about these people so i feel like i have to do it, even if it doesnt help, even if it just makes me want to die god can i like.. rebalance the amount of sympathy in the world. can i somehow make the people who actually can help actually help by weeping all over my keyboard in a terrible fucking january fuck what the fuck goodness do i give back to the world, im just sitting here taking and taking and sponging off mental health government and making the world worse and FUCK how the fuck can i even say that while i’m crying ABOUT mentally ill people deserving treatment?? bunni’s shit brain: no u are the only one who doesnt deserve it in the world, somehow fuck i ‘m gonna go try and calm down fuckkkk so umm yeah warning dont read that article while you’re in a vunerable mental state but its really important to read cos like.. all i can do at least is be aware of the atrocities in the world and keep my eyes open for someday somehow where i can help.. i guess... god i think my life would actually be worth something if i could help someone else god i just want to die fuck fuck fuckkkk...

[ts-seychelles]

EP. 13 - “The Last Check Mark I Need” - NICOLE

IDK WHATS GOING ON. But I don't trust Jared and nicole or Johnny. I think im going I don't wanna wrongly play. But them.not knowing the vote count is sketchy

This entire past tribal went horrible - Vilma went home and she was a huge ally who was very involved in my game, but I found out a few things of her not trusting me so BITCH BYE (jk ilysm) - Regan exploited our alliance that we had between me, her, Augusto, which was SO pointless on top of ALL OF THE REASONS where regan pissed me off today, but honestly, I don't feel the need to go into it again bc just lol at this point she's honestly fucking insane (sorry ily but you're fucking nuts) - Nicole just failed to understand why I voted for her, and I feel so bad about things, especially considering we hungout irl a few days ago, and I told her I wouldn't vote for her.. I also feel bad that Jared has turned into a lowkey sociopath this game and nicole is getting wreckt for it - This BAD PUBLICITY over this reward challenge when people dont want me going to ghost so they can kill me instead - Dan is PISSED at me for all of these chats getting exploited, being left out of the nicole vote and just the consistent lying to him. Jared played so many FUCKING games today that threw him, Dan and I under the bus, and it was just nuts, and he blew up both of our games in a way that wasn't necessary..... and there were just other ways to plan it out What I WILL say is that I'm turning Asya into like.... one of my closest allies bc I think she's fucking awesome, and I think we're in the same boat, and if it's up to me, I don't want her going anywhere.. I'm plenty okay voting out anyone who isnt augusto asya roxy at this point..... everyone else can probably burn? I'll see how long I can keep Jared around. Eventually, enough is enough and I may just have to throw in the towel and vote for Jared, but I'm going to try to not think about that bc my intentions are to still stay pure to Jared so GOSH lord help my soul

https://youtu.be/12RpRL81wjc

Lots to explain, let’s start off with the most obviously trivial. Regan talks about herself...a lot. Like, a lot. Regan is most definitely the most self centered person I’ve ever met. She knows it so like, it’s not mean that I’m stating it. But anyway every day in the tribe chat she goes on for sooooo long about herself and so I made a fun little game where when she sends a rant about her life I say “Merry Christmas Everyone”. It started on Christmas, so it wasn’t that funny BUT every day since it’s gotten progressively funnier and funnier. Ricky and Alex chimed in a few times and then I got Johnny in on it. It’s becoming such a moment every time it happens and the farther away from Christmas we get, the more ridiculous Regans responses get to it. Now, back to business. Last night I almost got voted out. I am BEYOND thankful that when I went to Ghost Island I was able to get the Sapphire Idol and will it to Jared during the second or third round. We have been trying to hold on it for so long in order to use it correctly to save both of us and tonight was the PERFECT oppurtunity. We not only did THAT but we flushed two idols since Regan used hers for no reason and Vilma left with hers. (I feel so bad I wish she would have used it and rocked out Johnny). Today I’ve made substantial progress with Asya and Dan but I really don’t think it’s enough. Which makes me nervous. I feel like going going home these next two rounds is going to be so sad for me. I have the fucking legacy advantage and having to give it away before I even can use it would kill me. Regan better calm herself with her agenda to get me out because if she doesn’t fucking relax I will 100% get her out with the legacy advantage just for fun. Finding a fourth to vote with us is going to be actually terrible. I’m hoping I can be immune so that the tables are forced to turn. I really don’t want to go. Maybe Jared will find something at ghost island to shake things up. I feel like crap about this game because Asya has painted a picture of how I COULD win. But that makes me feel like nobody will let me get that far. I just want to win so badly this is like the last check mark I need in order to feel successful in this community (as cheesy as it sounds).

So I’m really boo boo the damn fool huh. Vilma leaving last night was literally heart wrenching. After hosting her in Cayman Islands, she was probably one of the most deserving of the unfinished business casting. She’s an amazing person, friend, and ally. I really am gonna miss her a lot in this game. As it stands rn, everyone is being shady. Especially Johnny, but honestly, we been knew. Regan leaving the chat is fucking annoying. She’s unwilling to vote anyone but Nicole. I promised Nicole I wouldn’t write her name down this game, And I intend to make that happen. I wish there was a way that me and Nicole could lowkey get the votes split 3-3-1 on us this week to force a rock pull, but there’s literally no way. When I think about it, splitting up Nicole and Jared is smart, however, in my opinion the wrong person is on Ghost Island rn. I’d much rather vote out Jared than Nicole and that’s just that on that. I may honestly just throw a vote or self vote this round bc I literally can’t bring myself to vote out Nicole. If Nicole wins immunity, I am a little worried for my ass soooooo. Idk what’s best rn.

https://youtu.be/OSPsCvp7lmM

https://youtu.be/dLh35zpslXU

OKAY LISTEN..... I'm proud of myself bc I've gotten to that point of ORGs where I feel I'm done doing 800 long ass confessionals every round, but nonetheless, I've gotta do one each round, and I'm trying to make it good, so here's the content from my host chat about why im considering what im considering today: I am hoping that the Regan/Nicole thing continues until right before the vote, and this round is going to be everyone depending on my vote because I'm the swing, and I'm hoping people are going to be patient with what my decision is, because I'm likely not going to make it until right before tribal...... jk im voting for regan, but they dont need to know that ;) i know by voting out regan, im making it harder for myself to get to the end, but I'm REALLY trying to surround myself with threats so I can get to the end. I was the first person this season to make an "out there" game move, by playing my idol and taking out Ricky, and since them, i am trying my damnedest to just hold back my threat level, so people just let me go further and further. I don't have MANY options beyond that at this point Oop apparently regan is voting for me.. that's a mood Now here's me ranting about taking out Dan vs Regan: Regan is more easily controlled, and she has been working closer to me this entire game.. She is a goat and likely won't win at the end, but she's a very likely candidate to get to the end at this point just because she's such a goat Dan, on the other hand, has been a strong ally, but he voted for me once, and has been wishy washy with his allegiances since he voted for me the first time (when I used my idol), and promised us so many things, but Dan has pretty good relationships and is unpredictable, but he's sworn up down left and right that he wants finals with Augusto and I. The BIG reason for keeping Dan is that Roxy and Augusto, who are probably two of my top three closest, and most trusted allies, are going to be more reliant on me next round for numbers, and even more when it gets closer to the finals, they may feel more compelled to take me to the end because there are too many big threats left in the game but if i vote for regan then i might be jeopardizing my specific spot in the game, and I'd have the potential of my allies turning on me

(A LITTLE LATER)

So I guess here's an ACTUAL confessional since I haven't really planned on making anything else, but I feel bad Regan fucked my entire game up because she thought she was being cute after last tribal. Everyone was on a call during that reward challenge (not getting into it... literally fuck the hosts bc that changed the entire game, moving on), and they were all spilling shit because Nicole got mad that four people voted for her, and then Nicole and Dan both started making this game feel really personal, and honestly, it just felt icky to me that they were bringing it to a personal level when it was a game move. I understand what Nicole is going through bc (T B H Jared) Jared is a sociopath in games, and he really just doesn't have a chill switch sometimes, especially when dealing with nicole, so like..... idk, people started feeling bad for nicole bc jared YELLED at nicole after tribal on that call apparently, and ig it had to do with me, and more of an exposing me party YAY, but idk.. so I feel bad for her too I deem literally everyone in this cast currently a close friend, so this is never ever going to be an easy decision from here on out. Every decision is going to be painful. My entire plan for the day was to pretend to be indecisive about how I wanted to vote, when in reality all day, my intentions were to vote for Regan, however, things have changed sadly............... I'm voting for Dan tonight, and I don't see myself changing my mind before tribal for many of many reasons. I mostly just feel that if Dan stays, I could POTENTIALLY not have numbers next round since Dan is consistently playing double agent, and jared nicole and asya could come together and vote out either roxy or augusto, and then i'd be fucked, especially considering those are probably the two people im trying to get to the end with (without screwing over jared and losing his jury vote uwu) Also, the biggest reason I've gotta do this is to just not upset the people who've been the best to me since we've merged. Augusto and Roxy have been nothing but helpful to my game, and Dan was the FIRST of my allies to turn on me, and that still hasn't been sitting well with me since it's happened. I'm moreso doing this for my allies than anyone else, and knowing that Roxy, Augusto, Regan and I are likely not going to break until we get to the end ish? (But also Asya queen is getting to the finals if it's the last thing I do. Regan can LEAVE before Asya does, but that's besides the point hmmmmmm) My other big fear with voting out dan is that im voting out such a meat shield.. going into the f5 with any combination of asya augusto roxy regan puts me in a lot of trouble to get 5th or 4th, and I'm foreseeing a world now where I get 5th or 4th because those are the people I chose to go down the stretch with, but we'll see... I think I can maybe have a few tricks up my sleeves to attempt to get me there? oops?

IDK THE TEA IS THAT im voting johnny with nicole and dan and idk if i can pull this off

Nicole and I decided this plan to get it to be 3-2-2 and I’m so nervous it’s gonna fall through. I’m shaking in hangout rn omfg this is so stressful

[dimsummandu]

GOT7 Hogwarts Moodboard AU Introductory Post

Jackson Wang : Gryffindor

Fifth Year | 10″ English Oak, Phoenix Feather, Solid | Quidditch Chaser |  Ferruginous Hawk (Patronus) | Pureblood | Animagus (special ability, takes on the same form as his patronus) | Defense Against the Dark Arts, Care of Magical Creatures, Charms (best subjects) | Mark Tuan (boyfriend) | Im Jaebum, Kim Yugyeom, Bambam (best friends) | Member of the Silver Spears

Okay, so let’s talk about Jackson for a minute.

Jackson Wang is one the one hand the most Gryffindory Gryffindor you will ever meet.

He is loud and rambunctious and you’ll know if he’s coming from like a mile away. Okay? Jackson has a fucking presence.

You just met him five minutes ago? Congratulations. You and him are BFFS now.

This is probably one of the kindest and most genuine souls you’ll ever meet in your life.

But he’s also a little Hufflepuffley. The Sorting Hat was rather torn on which house to stick him in.

“Hmm, interesting. Are you a badger or a lion?”

“Well, people say I’m more of a puppy? Where does that get me? OH! Do you want to be friends? Is it weird to be friends with a hat? I don’t care. We could be friends for a long time. How old are you? What do you do when you’re not sorting? Don’t tell me you just sit on the shelf, that would be TRAGIC. As your new best friend, I think we gotta get you --”

“GRYFFINDOR!”

That’s pretty much how that happened.

Jackson is brave...sort of. He’s brave when it comes to big things, I suppose. In the face of danger Jackson would be the first to defend you. He isn’t afraid to stand up to anyone and he doesn’t give into peer pressures.

However, if you sneak up on him or if he realizes he’s rather high up in the air, he’s going to scream in terror until his voice gives out. He also doesn’t like the dark and he does not like horror movies.

Yes, he is afraid of heights.

Yes, his patronus and animagus form is a bird. He is aware of the irony, thank you very much.

When he first transformed into his animagus form he refused to fly to a good solid week until Mark finally helped him to think of it like when he’s playing Quidditch and he’s on a broom. He could fly after that, but he still tries not to look down.

Speaking of Quidditch, he’s a chaser on his team and one of the best the school’s ever seen. He could very well go pro if he really wanted to (and he’s considering it - he loves Quidditch). Also odd since he’s afraid of heights. But he’s also highly competitive, which kind of out weighs his fear. He’s got a game to win, okay!?

Speaking of Mark, Jackson is in love.

Like full on heart eyes every time Jackson so much as thinks about Mark or even glimpses at him. He is fairly certain that Mark hung all the stars in the sky just for him. And you can’t convince him otherwise.

He wants to marry Mark. He’s wanted to marry Mark since he became friends with him during his first year. He was pretty much enamored with him the second they met.

Jackson believes in true love and fate. He’s not sure what the hell he ever did to deserve Mark but as far as he’s concerned it’s true and it’s real and he’ll die defending him.

They’re a little obnoxious but Jackson doesn’t care. They work. Jackson is super loud and wants to be around everybody. Mark is on the quiet side and really just wants to be around Jackson...and maybe Jinyoung. Except Jinyoung gets all bitchy when Jackson can’t keep his hands to himself which is always because, let’s be honest, Jackson can NEVER keep his hands to himself.

As far as his animagus skill is concerned, he knew going INTO Hogwarts that he wanted to become one. So he kind of started teaching himself early on. He didn’t really get into it until he became a first year but he worked extremely hard at it and finally succeeded in the middle of his third year.

He is registered. At first he thought he might not register because it seemed kind of badass to be able to do this and have nobody know, but Jackson’s overall moral stance was like, “Nah bro, you gotta!”

So he registered like a good boy.

Jackson is also in love with magic. Like he is so amazed all the time of the world he lives in. He could have so easily been born a muggle and he would have known NOTHING of magic or this amazing world and he’s extremely grateful for it.

Jackson is an extremely lively fellow. He lives very loudly - it’s just who he is. It’s also why Mark loves him so much. Jackson is vibrant, the very definition of loyal, kind, genuine, and wears his heart on his sleeve.

This of course means that sometimes he gets hurt. Really hurt. He puts so much faith in people and those people (unfortunately) let him down and he’s left in a puddle of his own feelings and disappointment. Part of him is just upset at himself for expecting so much. The other part of him tells him to keep trying and to not give up hope. He just sees so much potential and goodness in everyone around him.

That’s one of the reasons why his best friend is a Slytherin. He’s aware that Jaebum comes off as your typical Slytherin but he can see the good man that Jaebum is. Even when Jaebum sometimes can’t see it. Jackson’s the kind of kid that is cherished by the people he’s close with.

So messing with him is pretty much a death sentence.

Jaebum has given plenty of bloody noses to people who try to hurt Jackson. And Mark will just flat out knock you on your ass. He won’t even use magic, I’m not kidding. Mark will kick your fucking ass. Jackson is his sun and stars and he will literally beat your ass into the ground if you hurt him.

For the most part people don’t mess with Jackson though. Partially because his friends are terrifying (the look Jinyoung gave to this one kid almost petrified him on the spot). But most people don’t mess with him simply because there’s no reason to. Everybody loves Jackson.

He’s got the biggest social circle of all of them. He’s friends with everybody. Even the professors. Even the freaking paintings, the ghosts, and EVEN PEEVES.

Like...Peeves LOVES Jackson! Mark is like what EVEN!? And Jackson is just like, “Yeah we’re friends!” And he’s not kidding. Peeves thinks Jackson is just SO MUCH FUN.

He’s super into eating healthy and only organic stuff. Mark is not amused. “Jackson if you put any of that shit on my plate ISTG I won’t touch you for a week.” “A WHOLE WEEK!? I just want you to LIVE FOREVER. Is that so wrong!?” “What is life without sugar and carbs?” “Carbs can make you unhealthy and fat....okay well they don’t make YOU fat. Nothing makes you fat.” “You saying you wouldn’t love me if I was fat?” “Mark, please. I would love you if you were the size of a barn. You seriously wouldn’t touch me for a week if I put this on your plate!?” “Not even a little.” “UGH. FINE.”

People make a lot of assumptions about his relationship with Mark. Jackson is so loud and rambunctious. He’s screams alpha male and he looks like one to. He must be on top, right? Jackson must always be in control, right? Wrong.

You’re so wrong. Mark makes Jackson so weak. And so very pliant.

Jackson will let Mark have his way with him whenever and wherever the fuck he wants. Jackson is very much in love with Mark but is also physically obsessed with him. He might top every once in a while when they’re both in the mood for it, but for the most part Jackson just wants Mark all over him. All the fucking time.

This is getting long. I should end this. BASICALLY Jackson is just...well, he’s Jackson.

Jackson is the life of the party. He’s a brave heart. A champion. Your best friend. The guy you wanna go to war with. He’s a social butterfly. His laugh is infectious and he makes it his personal mission to make people happy.

So he’s your best friend now, right!?

I hope you like organic tea.

*pictures and gifs aren’t mine. i made the moodboard but the pictures i got off of tumblr and google. credit to their respective owners.

[preservationandruin]

Part Four: Storm’s Illumination

Update! I downloaded the nook app, killed my phone’s storage, and have accepted that reading too much on this will fry my already-bad eyes. 

But, on the plus side, I can read more WoK. 

Point of views back out to be Dalinar, Kaladin, Adolin, and Navani for this section. Featuring Dalinar deciding not to do a stupid thing but to keep trusting Sadeas, the fact that Dalinar isn’t hallucinating, Kaladin learning about his powers, and Dalinar and Navani finally smooching. Also, this is really fucking long, my apologies. 

We start seeing the epigraphs be death rattles again. Meanwhile, Adolin has realized that trying to get his father to see that he’s going mad has resulted in Dalinar deciding to abdicate in favor of Adolin--which is not what Adolin wanted at all. You done fucked up, Adolin. 

Dalinar has another vision, where he sees the Recreance--the Shardbearers giving up their swords. Interestingly, he also feels the hurt and betrayal of the spren: “A terrible feeling struck him. A sense of immense tragedy, of pain and betrayal. [...] What was happening? What was that dreadful feeling, that screaming he swore he could almost hear?” Also, the blades were glowing, but they dimmed and dimmed over time--the spren dying. Yikes. 

So there’s a big hint as to what the Shards actually are. And one of the Radiants--probably Tanavast taking their shape, although it’s hard to tell and it could be a former Bondsmith or something--tells Dalinar that the Night of Sorrows, True Desolation, and Everstorm are coming, and to read the book and “unite them.” 

Ren’s also having either a panic attack or an epileptic moment--all Dalinar classes it as is “an episode of weakness” but he’s pale, his legs are shaking, and he immediately sits down and rests his head in his hands. 

...I wonder when Renarin started awakening his powers, as a note. Also Renarin accepts the Old Magic as existing easily, while Adolin claims it’s a myth (Dalinar shuts that down). 

Adolin and Dalinar start fighting about whether or not Dalinar should step down and Renarin interrupts with “uh...guys...we could, like test to see if the visions are legitimate or not??” and both of them are like “?????” 

So they decide to have Navani write down the visions as Dalinar sees them, because they know they can trust her and their first choice--Jasnah--isn’t there. 

“The visions had told him to trust Sadeas” DALINAR NO

Navani is going out of her way to help Adolin with his flirting attempts she’s such a good aunt I love her. Also it gets him out of the room so Navani and Dalinar can talk privately. 

Navani tries yet again to convince Dalinar they can be together but Dalinar is a bit too tired and confused and uncertain to be able to do this right now, which she recognizes and does leave.

Back to Bridge Four!!! They’re on another bridge run, and Dunny dies--hit by two arrows and trampled by horses. Moash has to pin Kaladin down to stop him from running out after the kid which, thank god Kaladin has some people who are willing to act as his self-preservation. And so instead of helping Dunny, he goes around and tries to heal Bridgemen from other crews. 

Kaladin is too good and pure. He’s just furious that nobody cares about the dead Bridgemen. 

Kaladin runs off of righteous anger and like, coffee, probably. 

Anyway he fucking tears the Bridge Four gang a new one when they refuse to help someone from another bridge because people from other bridges were mean to them--and in the process states that his father was the only man with honor that he ever knew. 

Listen, this is why Kaladin is dangerous--he cares about everyone, that makes them surprised and grateful, especially on the bridge teams where nobody gives a shit about anybody, and then they become slightly more loyal to him. And then suddenly he has like, an army of loyal people. 

He’s such a hufflepuff. 

Also Teft is dropping the world’s least subtle clues here like “wooow its so weird we keep not getting hit....funny that that happens when you run point...just keep carrying lit spheres with you......they’re good luck....oh they went dun again wow that’s so strange kaladin” 

Meanwhile, Kaladin’s own grazed arrow wound is completely gone, and he’s getting a little freaked out. 

Another death rattle: “the burdens of nine become mine. Why must I carry the madness of them all? Oh, Almighty, release me.” This is absolutely Taln (or, uh, whichever of them is the one who was left behind). 

Dalinar’s at a feast again, and Wit isn’t there--Dalinar notes it’s probably because he doesn’t want to become predictable. Also Dalinar notes that noblewomen competing to draw the same person has the same social function as duels between noblemen, although they don’t use the same word. Wit does show up, just casually sitting next to Dalinar--and Dalinar notes that Adolin’s judgement of Wit was more accurate than his was. 

I gotta say, Adolin is hella perceptive. I’ve said it before, I know, but he’s a smart kid. 

Wit quietly--and accurately--depicts the relation between Dalinar and Sadeas:  “The foolishness of men who care, Dalinar, and the brilliance of those who do not. The second depend on the first--but also exploit the first--while the first misunderstand the second, hoping that the second are more like the first.” 

Also Wit ponders if you can pull a person apart and put him back together into something else “Like a Dysian Aimian” (but also, unsaid, like a Radiant.) This whole conversation is Wit trying to gauge exactly how much Dalinar knows--possibly because Wit doesn’t know exactly what Tanavast is telling Dalinar. Interesting. 

Sadeas is going to pull Some Bullshit (as always) and Elhokar is getting more and more paranoid, so all of that is interesting. 

Dalinar voice: Sadeas is going to cause Bullshit re: the investigation so I’m just going to go up and ask him about it. 

I’m not sure if this is a good or a bad idea but regardless it’s going to possibly throw Sadeas off. Unfortunately, Sadeas’ plan is to lull Dalinar into a false sense of security--claiming the most likely suspect is someone who dislikes Dalinar. 

Adolin cannot fucking believe that Sadeas is exonerating Dalinar (which, again, Adolin should stick to his intuition that Sadeas is a sneaky bastard). So Dalinar and Sadeas start plans to ally, which of course GOES HORRIBLY WRONG DALINAR DON’T TRUST SADEAS. 

Skar, about Amaram: Were you with him when he won his shards? Kaladin, quietly, but with great internal salt: No. Nobody was. 

BECAUSE AMARAM DIDN’T FUCKING WIN ANY SHARDS HE STOLE THEM LIKE A FUCKING ASSHOLE I HATE AMARAM SO MUCH

Rock: You can’t fucking swallow a broam Moash: I bet I can Kaladin: Don’t do that, because if you do that, you will die

Kaladin as Bridge Four’s tired Team Mom is very real

Also Moash is still showing signs of wanting to go too far--a la “we could just take everything” until Kaladin shuts that down for being stupid and likely to get them caught. Moash isn’t a tactical thinker. 

Also Kal baits Rock into revealing that he can use a bow and arrow. 

Rock: that shot is nearly impossible

Rock: effortlessly makes the shot

Dalinar is trying to figure out Parshendi gender. “The clean-shaven ones didn’t have much in the way of breasts” weLL IM PRETTY SURE THEYRE NOT MAMMALS so THANK GOD. But Dalinar has noticed that the fighting pairs are usually a man and a woman, and also wonders why in six years of fighting nobody thought to investigate what gender their opponents were. 

I mean, honestly, given how much we depersonalize our enemies, I can believe that. 

And Dalinar’s having problems with the Thrill again. Notably, it doesn’t make him a less effective fighter--it just cuts off the bloodlust and glee. 

Dalinar literally saves Sadeas’ fucking life and later in the book Sadeas repays him by leaving him and Adolin to die. 

To quote a D&D show I watch, SOME PEOPLE HAVE NO SENSE OF FUCKING HONOR. 

Descriptions of the thrill remain disturbingly...sexual, almost. At least in the sense that the vocabulary we have to describe a visceral glee and desire tends to be reminiscent of sexual language. (”He nearly choked on it, the joy, the pleasure, the desire. The danger.”)

Sadeas: tonight, all of my soldiers will feast as if they were lighteyes Me, full of salt: BET THAT DOESN’T INCLUDE THE BRIDGEMEN YOU COLOSSAL ASSHOLE

Another bridgeman has died and Kaladin is not taking it well. Gaz didn’t come to the bridge run--he might have deserted by this point. Kaladin also notices that the Parshendi revere their dead. Kal also still doesn’t believe that Dalinar is as good as people say he is. 

And Teft just got Kaladin to inhale stormlight and use it instinctively, leading to him glowing. Kaladin is lowkey freaking out about having the powers of the Radiants. 

Kaladin and Hoid are interacting for the first time and it’s great. We also get the story of a group of people who would kill any who did something wrong because the emperor wouldn’t tolerate it, and then discovered the emperor was dead all along and had to live with the guilt of knowing that those murders were on their hands, not the emperor’s. 

...which could be a metaphor for all of Vorinism learning that Honor is dead. Or not. As with most things with Hoid, it’s very ambiguous. Also, Syl doesn’t like Hoid, which is understandable. I can see an Honorspren thinking he was strange and wrong. 

Kaladin, thinking, also realizes that his “Emperor” is the apathy--the belief that he can’t change anything. He holds onto that instead of looking for other reasons things could be happening, or acknowledging that he can change things. 

And so he decides to actually start working with and using his powers. 

Honestly from the point of anyone else this story is lowkey ridiculous like “yeah a slave turned out to be a new radiant and so his team of bridgerunners helped him train in the chasms and literally nobody noticed, really” in-universe it makes sense because nobody pays attention to the bridgemen but still you have someone who CAN FLY

A death rattle mentions “Re-Shephir, the Midnight Mother, giving birth to abominations with her essence, so dark, so terrible, so consuming.” Another of the unmade? Hard to tell. 

Adolin is talking to Jakamav, who I unfortunately can only ever see as a fratbro. On the other hand, that’s not an inaccurate interpretation. Adolin is also casually Judging other people’s fashion choices someone let this boy dress in the pretty clothes he wants to dress in instead of his uniform

Also Adolin is grumbling about how other people always want dark hair, which he thinks is stupid. He also claims he forgot that Humility existed, which is probably true. 

Also Jakamav’s girlfriend insulted Dalinar and Adolin is just. ready to FIGHT. 

“Adolin liked to be familiar with a large number of people, but not terribly close with any of them.” That’s just interesting. He’s only really close with his family, especially Renarin, at this point. 

Also, Adolin starts to see the purpose behind the Codes--he starts to see that it’s not just about pure practicality, but also about treating war and the death that comes with it with a measure of seriousness, and also giving people commanders they can trust. It’s about the importance of symbols. 

Dalinar is reciting the Way of Kings to Sadeas and Elhokar, who don’t really get it. We also get “all save the Heralds themselves must dine with the Nightwatcher,” implying that she’s seen as some sort of death entity. 

Also, Dalinar is me:  “And you have this entire passage memorized?”  “I likely got a few of the words wrong”  “Knowing you, that means you might have forgotten a singled “an’ or ‘the.”  Also Sadeas does give Dalinar the honest advice that literally nobody else naturally talks like him, so other people assume he’s putting it on as a self-righteous act (...again, Dalinar, I feel you on that one.) 

Dalinar is staring at Navani again. And Sadeas is judging people’s fashion sense now. 

Time for Adolin to crush it in the duelling ring. Also the line “And so Adolin--in a moderately subtle move” is killing me like. Welp. It was moderately subtle which is the best we can expect from him. Anyway, Adolin obviously just annihilates his opponent, because Adolin is incredible. 

“They’re trying to kill me,” Elhokar said softly, huddling down in his armor. “They’ll see me dead, like my father.”   Highprinces: Look we made a strong king Me: Look at what you did to him! he has anxiety!!!

I retain a soft spot for Elhokar. And he mentions seeing “Symbols, twisted, inhuman” in mirrors--sounds a lot like Cryptics. I almost wrote Cryptids. Wonderful. And Elhokar and Sadeas bully Dalinar into using Sadeas’ fast and costly bridges--which Kaladin later takes as a sign of Dalinar not having as much honor as people say, if I remember right. 

Also, Dalinar’s opinion on fights: “When you won, it was always better to win quickly and with extreme advantage.” Amen to that. 

Kal’s trying to intentionally inhale stormlight now. And we get Teft’s explanation of the Words, which i like, although one of them is pretty much word-for-word “Dying is easy, young man, living is harder” from Hamilton. 

And now, Bridge Four is being put on Bridge duty every single day, which is just the brightlords flat-up wanting them killed. “Consider it an...honor” they say, and Kaladin has to stop himself from swearing. He also learns that he has to inhale the Stormlight in, he can’t just...will it inside of him. 

And Kaladin forms the “parshendi carapace” idea to protect them. We also get some examination of Kaladin’s agnosticism. 

Also he tried to walk on a wall and fell on his ass, nice going Kaladin. 

But he’s getting the hang of having a lot of power and exploiting that to smuggle things out of the chasms. Including surviving a 40-foot fall. 

Back to Dalinar and Adolin, Dalinar has decided not to abdicate. Navani is also the one most aware of Elhokar’s weakness, while Dalinar still denies it. Also, Renarin is fascinated by Navani’s fabrials. So am I--fabrials are really cool. 

And Dalinar is talking with Nohadon in his vision. Also, Navani realizes he’s speaking, instead of gibberish, an ancient dialect of the Dawnchant. Which Dalinar doesn’t know, and thus can’t have hallucinated--the visions are genuine. 

Navani is realizing she might have just figured out how to translate the Dawnchant, which is also incredible. 

Navani and Dalinar are, yet again, alone, and Dalinar is even like “Navani you’re doing it again” and Navani is just like. yep. you caught me. Also she explains that being the old queen basically means she’s placeless in the world and everyone only sees her as the wife of a dead man, and she’s furious seeing it from Dalinar as well, who knew her even before Gavilar did. 

And so Dalinar kisses her because of course he does. There are even passionspren. And then she starts talking business and important things but Dal is also like, distracted because holy shit she’s so pretty aaaaa which, is, relateable, i too cannot function around pretty people. 

Also, multiple notes that the marriage between Gavilar and Navani might not have been the best--Navani notes she had reason to be unfaithful even though she wasn’t, and starts saying something that Dalinar cuts off. 

Also Navani is very smug about the fact that Dalinar kissed her first. Dalinar tries to claim that he was seduced. “What? Seduced?” She glanced back at him. “ Dalinar, I’ve never been more open and honest in my life.”  “I know,” Dalinar said, smiling. “That was the seductive part.” 

This is such a Good Ship

Anyway back with the bridgemen Moash just wants to flat-up attack Sadeas’ army and Kaladin is like. Nope. No. If we do that we will die. 

Yep, Dal is using the bridges again. I can’t remember if this is the time with the Tower or not. I’m on around the 900th page, so maybe? 

“a one-armed herdazian is still twice as useful as a nobrained Alethi. Plus, so long as I’ve got one hand, I can still do this” and then Lopen just flips off the army i love him. 

Also a soldier tries to take their water and Kal is ready to fight them. The soldier is like I don’t want to wait for our water crews and Kaladins like wow that’s too bad for you, and the soldier looks like he’s going to hit him and the entire fucking Bridge 4 gang forms up like buddy, if you punch Kaladin we’re going to have a Problem. 

The soldiers who aren’t assholes are even like, nice. 

Kaladin voice: oh god i hope they don’t notice that was a spear fighting formation WHOOPS And its time for operation Parshendi Armor. 

So everyone targets Kaladin, who can fucking dodge shit and surgebind, and not the bridges. Booyeah. All of bridge four is now yelling at him because of course they are. Matal, who is in charge of the bridges, threatens to have Kaladin strung up and Kaladin’s like yeah bc that worked so well for you guys last time. 

And Dalinar noticed that Parshendi archers were targeting Kaladin’s group and went in to save them. Dalinar is Good. And he even raised his Blade to salute Kaladin. So this time wasn’t the Tower, but that’s got to be the next full Bridge run we get. We’re close, now. 

Although Shen took this badly. Of course--these are the bodies of his people. But at the same time, Kaladin literally needs to do this to keep them all alive. All the choices here are bad, but this was the least bad. Kaladin also is trying to work out the logistics of leaving, realizing that staying is untenable, but leaving is impossible. Somehow they discount the possibility “Dalinar Kholin recruits you as a personal guard after you save his life.” 

Anyway Dalinar and Navani are now a thing. Their guards and clerks are starting to get a bit confused at how much time they spend together. And more discussion of Shshsh, who I hope we get the story of next book. God, I hope she’s not just one more fridged woman for male pain. 

Dalinar: how will we explain this to Elhokar??? Dalinar at the end of the book: yes i am fucking your mother goodbye 

...I still blame/thank Jazz for making me incapable of taking that scene seriously. 

Oh man, horns just sounded for a chasmfiend on the Tower HERE IT IS.  Kaladin, Dalinar, and Adolin are all getting ready for it, and the rate of my habitual leg-jiggle stim has like, doubled. Wonderful. 

And we also see Sadeas planning--trying to get Dalinar to commit most of his forces and leave behind his bridge crews. That sneaky bastard. Also Sadeas claims credit for the armored bridgemen idea. That dick. 

I’m gonna cut it here. I have a feeling I’ll scream a hell of a lot about the Tower. 

[motherfuckerplease]

Bottle of Time 2

A new series about Peter and his best friend. (For all races, especially POC)

summery

(Y/N) and Peter where best friends, they literally spent every waking moment with each other. They were extremely close and didn’t help that they bonded over each others mutations.

It was the 70s and high school couldn’t get any worse, it sucked cause of the shit you had to put up with. You new they were just jealous cause Peter was hot and seemed to only pay attention to you, but that didn’t excuse their horrible behavior. But one day like every other you were chilling in Peter’s basement (you were there literally everyday except Sunday’s, your mom wanted family time) when three guys came down the basement asking for your help in doing something highly illegal.

Peter was all for it but it did take some convincing to get you on board. And you were off.

Warnings: This whole story is a bit NSFW read at your own risk. Mentions of sex.

“And Peter, drive slow,” Charles said tossing the keys to your best friend. After you guys broke in to get Erik you used your power to pulsate energy through the air and knock out the guards in the hallway. Peter used his power to control the situation in the kitchen. And now here you were parting ways, “(Y/N),” Logan said motioning you to come closer. “Look, in the future I’ve known you for a long time and this magazine is the start of some very dangerous habits that completely ruin a relationship with someone you love,” He whispered. “Thats someone is everything you have, please don’t give up and hold on,” He pleaded.

You nod at the cryptic information. You step down the stairs heading towards the car you both just received. “What did he say?” Peter asked. “Just some stuff,” You replied. “Does it have to do with the book he handed you earlier?” He continued sliding into the car. “It wasn’t a book,” You replied.

The car ride was silent and full of tension, you and Peter always made it a point to communicate when you had issues. But this was something you couldn’t talk to your guy best friend about, hence why you had your girlfriends in the first place. Plus you didn’t want Peter to see the picture, you would never be able to live it down.

When you parked outside his house Peter had had enough, he had time to think and it was killing him. What was so insane about a stupid little book that you had to shut down. He knew you were going through something right now that you didn’t want him to know about. That also made his bones grind, the fact that you thought you couldn’t talk to him. So he did something completely out of impulse hoping to see what you were hiding, he stole the magazine from your bag and sped to the house.

Completely off guard is what happened, one minute you were about to exit the car the next your best friend violates your wishes. You ran as fast as you could, but you knew Peter had probably seen it, read it, probably had time to make copies by the time you would reach him.

There he was, face was red and in more shock than you. His mouth tried to form words but it couldn’t. Then his eyes lifted off the glossy paper to look up at you then back to the magazine. “Pete-” You tried before his finger shot up telling you not to say a word.

He swallowed hard then placed a hand on his hip. “So a Playboy model? Huh,” He said. “Always pegged you to be a business mogul, definitely not a model,” He said trying to bring a little light to the situation instead hitting your insecurity. “Why? I don’t seem like I could ever be a Playboy model?” You asked crossing your arms. Peter didn’t see the simple sign and kept talking not hearing his own words. “I mean yeah, you scare guys away not invite them in. I mean this picture, its sooo” “So what Peter? Scary?” You asked anger building inside you.

You could be brash sometimes when it came to boys, but they were so stupid sometimes. “No, its just its-its hot like really hot. Like I can’t even focus on my words cause of how good it looks,” He explained. “Tell me, do you have a twin sister I don’t know about? Cause this-” “Cause what Peter? Cause I so unattractive? Cause Im so hideous that that picture could never be me? Im sorry Im so scary, I’m sorry that nobody wants me. Not even my extra horny best friend believes that I could be even remotely attractive,” You screamed with a voice crack at the end. You felt a tear stream down your face and you wiped it away as fast as possible.

“Is that whats been going on?” He whispered. You closed your eyes trying to gain composure. “You think your not good enough?” He asked. “Pete-” “Babe, I didn’t mean it like that,” He said walking closer, you liked it when he called you that. “Then what did you mean?” You asked. “I meant that I could never see you in a place like that, not that your not attractive no. Your fucking gorgeous, you just have a strong personality that always seemed to have a path for success,” He explained. “But thats just it, I’m not strong Peter. Did you know I’m the last virgin in my friend group? Also I miss out on all the group activities because everyone brings there boyfriends and I end up being left out,” You explained.

Peter never thought you of all people could suffer from low self esteem. It literally baffled him, he wasn’t honest about his ‘friends’ talk he heard at school. What really happened is that he tried to ignore all the disgusting questions being thrown at him about what is was like to fuck you. Somehow those dim wits thought that you guys being friends equated you both having sex on the daily. That wasn’t the story, much to their demise. He finally had to nip it in the bud eventually when they started asking things like, what you sounded like when you screamed his name or how good you tasted in his mouth. They all thought you must’ve tasted like cinnamon but Peter thought it was more of a cherry flavor.

Now when he saw the picture, it confirmed everything he had ever thought about your body. That is was absolutely stunning, more then he could ever imagine. He almost came at that moment when he saw you. He was trying his best to play it off but that clearly turned to a completely new direction.

Another thing that picture did was make him think. Think about you, he already thought about you, a lot. He new he had emotions for you but he was not the type to deal with emotions. So he let them sit there, on the inside, growing. Until he could barely breath just by your existence. You occupied his every thought, he was even buying Playboy’s with girls that looked like you. He often stared at the pages wondering what you would look like in those skimpy outfits. Today he found out, what you didn’t know was that he had slowed time when he took the magazine. So it felt like seconds for you, but he had a good hour to process the information.

In that hour he had grown completely flustered and straight up horny. I mean, shit there you were, his best friend on the cover. You looked better than anything his imagination could conjure up, thats for sure. He almost licked the paper, what made it even worse was your expression. You were in mid moan fingers draped lazily around your mouth. Eyes staring back at him and back arched perfectly. It was driving him nuts, his mind started flooding with thoughts, and not the good kind.

He wondered back to the ‘friends’ talk, questions he often asked himself too. What did you taste like? He asked him self. Yeah, definitely cherries. He reassured. His mind dived deeper, thinking about how amazing it would be to hold you down as you came in his mouth. Shit-he could feel the pre-cum lacing his already throbbing dick.

He needed to cool down quick, sure he could slow time but that doesn’t mean it stops moving.

So here he was holding your head in his chest muffling your sobs, you were the most attractive person Peter knew. The fact that you had these insecurities showed that nobody was safe.

You sat down and explained to him about Amanda and how you had been comparing your self to her and the rest of the girls. How you wanted a guy to not only date you, but give you the sexual satisfaction you desperately needed. “Your the most amazing girl ever, don’t compare your self to others like that. And don’t change yourself to please people, your perfect the way you are and if they can’t see that fuck em’,” He finished.

Peter was so sweet sometimes. He would make a good boyfriend You thought. Would you ever date him? Of course you would. Peter was the best guy you knew, but your were just friends. That was all you could ever be, you were sure he didn’t have any feelings for you. That was until you felt his hot lips on yours. Yup, He leaned down interrupting your thoughts and planted one on you

Fuck.

PART ONE PART TWO

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[wanderers-minuet]

Today’s been a hell of a day. work was a nightmare. Almost cried a few times out of sheer frustration. Same thing yesterday too. Everyone was snippy. Rude as fuck customers. Like legit RUDE what the fuck. lady fucking slamming my self-serve copiers and tearing out paper from a paper jam so roughly I could hear it across the store. Bitching about nobody helping her - listen bitch. do you not see the line of 6 people at my counter, and then ME, ALONE, DOING THE WORK OF THREE PEOPLE AT LEAST. She actually manhandled one so badly that it white-screened the display and I had to reboot it twice to fix it. And this was only by like 10am.

We were understaffed so there was nobody to come help me. I said I’d be over in a minute as soon as I was done with my current customer. i dunno shit was just hitting the fan everywhere today. I was called inept and retarded. Was spoken to by managers like I was an idiot, pointing out that I had customers in line could I please help the next customer and do my job ?!?!?! (srsly. really? as if I wasn’t aware I had customers and I was supposed to help them?)

General bullshit at my job bc none of my associates in my dept retain information and can’t do anything right so i have to fix everything. It’s disgusting. I’ve trained them and trained them as best I can with limited time, it’s not my fault they can’t learn. I learned everything I know ON MY FUCKING OWN bc i took the initiative to BE GOOD AT MY JOB. Like ??!?!?!? WHY.

ASDkfslajdsjagajlsksd!!!

Finally left almost half an hour after I was supposed to. Calmed down. Ended up taking a nap for like an hour by accident. Woke up and was like....bleh. Groggy. Sad. Listless.

I wanted to rp today. Play my girls and make some progress on MSQ. Do asks I owe. (I’m sorry.) I’ve literally been sitting in front of my computer for hours with a blanket curled in my chair, scrolling my dash with a blank stare and doing nothing. Nothing. I should eat dinner but im too tired and lazy to make anything that takes more than 30 seconds, and I don’t have anything that fits that, and nothing else in my apt is appealing to me right now. My stomach is growling but at the same time I’m like “meh I don’t wanna eat tho.”

What the fuck.

Ugh moodcrash why. I’m tired and sad and stressed out and depressed and I know I’m better than this. Stronger than this. but im just so fucking tired. My job is becoming a nightmare and sometimes I fear I’ll lose it bc they (my managers) think I CANT DO IT but I CAN they just aren’t giving me the time and tools and employees I need to make it all WORK and it’s fucking FRUSTRATING how often I ask and plead and talk about it with my managers and they do nothing but pin all the blame on me. Sure I can work harder to beat information into my associates. Run myself more ragged. Do more - i don’t fucking know what but. I’m not doing enough. I’ll try harder. But I STILL NEED THEIR HELP to achieve all our goals. IM NOT A FUCKING MIRACLE WORKER. Well I am but IM NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THAT IS NOT MY JOB DESCRIPTION. (a lot of my customers love me and think I’m fabulous and so amazing and then only want to work with me but like THANKS BUT YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO WORK WITH ANYONE aaaah fuck i love the praise but srsly that’s not how it’s supposed to work god damn it ) I am also not a baby sitter, which is what i do at work pretty much all the time now. I am a SUPERVISOR. I look over you and make sure all is well, not DO ALL THE THINGS FOR YOU. AFJdkSAfsdaljfldsafssdad’sfas

fuck

imma shut up now bc im whining like a bitch.

Sorry guys. Just needed to vent. If you got this far, kudos to you. Thanks for caring enough to do so!

Im just gonna...

I don’t fuckin know. get off the computer and go to bed or something. I don’t want to be awake right now im too sad and low. I don’t want to go to sleep while my mind is so ...bleh though either, it’ll just make me have weird dreams and wake up worse.  I want to keep bitching but that’ll just keep my mood in the toilet. 

I need to raise my mood enough to sleep properly but I just...

Ugh.