#lmao Yikes™

[answrs]

this “slam the scam!” email reads exactly like the scams it’s theoretically trying to warn people about lmaoooo. like it lists off five descriptions of common scams and this email has four of them straight off the bat

[gyunglitter]

introducing𓏧

the losers club !!

summary: just you dicking around with txt college!au besties

warnings: doja cat fandom slander, mentions of soobin's feet, mentions of bullying, cursing

contrary to your group’s self-appointed nickname, you guys are actually well known (and liked!) on campus!! :D

you guys have NO IDEA as to how so many people on campus grew to like you and want to hang out with you

especially since you guys had a hard time in school before

but woohoo to not peaking in high school right?!

tbh, you guys are testaments to that second round of puberty nobody talks about

ya know, the glow up that happens after you graduate high school and get away from all the pricks you were forced to see everyday?

yup, you and your losers are finally thriving

besides when you’re dying bc of all your classes and tests

but yeah

while other ppl really like your group’s personalities

YOU GUYS ARE SUPER HOT TOO🤭

i mean, just look at y’all!

[choi yeonjun]-

‘99 liner//junior

took a gap year before getting dragged back to go to school so he could learn to be a normal human being

did someone say IT BOY??

literally the girls and the gays are in love with this man

dance major and student athlete who unironically does zumba every saturday morning

had no social life in high school because kid was NEVER there

he was a bored only child, while his neglectful parents were filthy rich and figured their kid could do whatever he wanted to entertain himself

so what he wanted, they got it—including vacations

with him being gone so much, his classmates always wondered who this choi yeonjun guy was and how he could miss so much school while still passing

though the intrigue kind of stopped when he pulled up to school with the ugliest shoes to walk south korea

him and his obnoxious shoes gave a lot of people the ick :(

but never fear, yeonjun and his footwear are just ahead of their time!

(you can't say they are in quite yet, but they probably will come around some day!!)

yeonjun typically spent his days doing sports, travelling, and running away from talent scouts lmao

no idol life for him in THIS lifetime

but as life would have it, the man is too scrumptious to be out of the spotlight for too long

bc he became a model not too long after college started due to a school project photoshoot went viral on twitter!!

his twitter is a minefield while he reserves his insta for the wholesome content :)

[choi soobin]-

‘00 liner//junior

glue of the group despite insisting how much he HATES y’all

broadcast and entertainment major so he can get into the entertainment industry and get the bts of moviemaking!!

(really just wants to meet all of his favorite voice actors tbh)

known for being the Ultimate Boyfriend™ despite never actually being in a relationship lololol

in middle school he got into anime, which was COMPLETELY normal! he actually made a ton of friends that way!!

at least until one of his friends came over and saw his body pillow collection

yikes :/

unfortunately didn’t take long at all for the whole school to find out, and then they never let it go

all the way up until he graduated high school :(((

it’s okay tho!

he had tons of online friends from going to conventions and stuff!!

but making irl friends was definitely hard for him when he got to college

[choi beomgyu]-

01’ liner//sophomore

absolute MENACE to your little society

he’s the guy who gets whoever is in his company to unironically admit “last night was a movie”

music major studying composition while playing guitar in a band

the girlies are FAWNING

ppl are so in love with him because he’s so pretty

but then the kid opens his mouth :/

he was the most extroverted kid

which worked perfectly bc with his good looks and personality, everyone wanted to be his friend!! :D

but with high school, friends, and all his 100 extracurriculars

kid burned out by senior year :(

his last year of school, he totally ghosted his friends and stayed inside all day playing video games

(he actually got diamond 1 on LoL, boy is nothing if not determined)

eventually rumors went around that he got dropped and turned into a social outcast

but he didn’t really care since he was fine with rotting away the rest of the school year

by the time he got to college, he wanted nothing to do with things that would suck his already nonexistent energy

[kang taehyun]-

02’ liner//freshman

the one that always has the braincell

and really wishes he didn’t so he could escape yall

stem major for engineering, which is just another one of his controversial choices (being second only to befriending yall)

everyone on campus knows him as that one guy you go to when you need the answers to your homework or your final

yeah, he’s selling the test answers on the black market :P

what? he’s in DEBT

he never gets suspected tho bc he alrdy knows all the answers, so why would he be involved with that??

but the rest of the town?

well, the town knows him as terry

mans is always seen at the gym and the club pulling without even trying

this is TOTALLY contrasting to his high school life, where he literally only gave his time of day to his studies

mans did not have TIME to hang out with anybody

bc of this, he became a bit of an easy target to the one-dimensional jocks that tried to use him to get them better grades :(

he was a small kid, so he got picked on and tossed around a lot :(((

it’s okay, since he’s buffer than them now!! >:)

[huening kai]-

‘02 liner//freshman

maknae that’s more mature than ALL OF YOU

he acts like he isn’t, but kid grew up a MIDDLE CHILD between TWO SISTERS

they’d managed to craft the most perfect and thoughtful angel to grace south korea

except for his demonic laugh :/

but YOU GUYS LOVE IT!!

he’s coasting through college, wishing he could tell you what major he was

but boy is constantly changing it LMAO

he just loves learning about different subjects!!

not to mention he’s good at most things he tries

so he makes tons of friends!!

but he didn’t always :(

from middle to high school, he was THE band kid

he could play the guitar, percussion, trombone, and piccolo!!

so when little kai walked home in his minecraft hoodie carrying his giant instrument case

8/10 times kid would get pelted by eggs or something on the way home

good thing he had his trombone case to shield him!! :D

kai would also be insanely awkward and didn’t have good icebreakers besides his plushie collection

too bad that didn’t become socially acceptable for another few years

[y/l/n y/n]-

‘01 liner//sophomore

ladies and gentlemen i give you

her

the group's resident photographer, despite the fact that you're SO HOT

you are beauty

you are grace

well, you are now

high school: not so much

you were LOSER #1 girlie ://

you were just a little slow to pick up on a lot of social cues and what was "cool" or not, making you prone to awkward situations and bullying

for example: pinky promises and saying “on god” was quirky and acceptable, but spit shakes were not

neither were bowl cuts

or pretending to drown at the school pool and see how everyone would react

like i said, you were behind on a lot

but what took you the longest to learn—the people you thought were your friends were no longer laughing with you and your unfortunately timed puns, but at you (and your unfortunately timed puns) :(((

but you digress, because your overactive imagination worked to your advantage of getting clout and a full ride scholarship!!

you’re an art major with a minor in photography, winning a national photography contest that got the attention of your college

your genius piece of "different kinds of falls in public", where you purposefully tripped people walking by you and taking photos of them, had won the heart of the public and the school board over to the point of them begging to have you!

your parents and teachers just wished you had the same genius outside of cameras--as you slacked off in every other academic aspect

notes: enjoy me being unfunny but having a blast anyway! feel free to send in asks/requests regarding this fic. can't guarantee i'll respond to it, but i'd love to see what you guys think/want!

[celestial-sapphicss]

in the honour of bad buddy renaissance™

isvisomewhere → feralmuskyscentedhoepran

i saw everyone giving into peer pressure (thanks ayesha @patspran) i didn't want to feel left out LMAO. also thanks eve (@nongnao) for suggesting it 🤟💖

@grapejuicegay @dribs-and-drabbles @actually-yikes LOOK OMG

[tabl3]

Out-ness of the team to the public

Kaz: openly gay, never once gave a shit about hiding it

Skylar: not out publicly, but also doesn't care if it's found out that she's lesbian (she just never felt the need to mention it)

Chase: openly trans (he and Oli did a campaign for trans kids (will elaborate later)), not openly bi to the public because of Donald possibly finding out, but out to his family and friends, doesn't use the demisexual label but is

Bree: not out as pan for the same reasons as Chase, but like him, everyone close to her but Donald knows

*side-eyes aijaf* shhhh we can close our eyes and pretend it didn't happen yikes

Oliver: openly trans and openly asexual (he's the token straight so that's it lol)

Bonus:

Leo: only officially out as queer/unlabeled to Chase. Douglas and Tasha knew for a while despite not being told, and most of the family and Taylor are aware that he kissed Logan

Adam: doesn't give a shit lols (aro/ace) he thinks wanting romantic relationships is baffling, a lot of fans do love proposals to him and he just man emojis (I love him)

Bonus 2:

at the current point I'm writing:

Kaz and Sky: the same

Chase: Bree told the team he was bi, which he doesn't care about particularly. She's the only one who knows he's trans though

Bree: doesn't know she's pan yet (Chase is the only lgbtq sibling rn, minus Adam who never came out bc he's just Adam™)

Oliver: Kaz and Skylar know he's trans, but he doesn't care if the other two find out bc he's too focused on hating them lmao

Bonus 3:

Techertz aren't open about their relationship (but are about their sexualities), GammaFlare are married so obv lol, Gus is openly omni

Douglas and Tasha are openly bi, but Donald ignores those tidbits

Taylor and Logan are openly lesbian and gay, and are open to the possibility of polysexuality (Taylor moreso bc Logan knows Leo is monogamous)

Daniel and Horace are straight and allies (Horace is literally so cringey dad with his support lmao, he'd show up to pride with a megaphone screaming about the fact that he loves his kids)

[pondslime]

Bo and Lester Sinclair

AHHHHHHH, the stinky men themselves 🦍 + 🐀!!!

disclaimer: imo, any situation in which u "date" either of these two men would have to be predicated on some absolute tomfuckery and a hostage-type situation. LMAO. I see no other conceivable world where you'd just........run into them and have a normal ass relationship jhfdsjhfjdshjsdf they are so deeply ABNORMAL. so warnings for stockholm syndrome/dubcon headcanons below!!

once again under the cut bc a bitch truly does TALK

feel free to send me a character of ur choice for headcanons and I'll give u 3 pros and 3 cons of dating them. if ur so inclined!!!!

boseph

sidenote: I've been on a sabbatical from Him™ recently. he's been on the backburner. I've been hoovering down DIFFERENT fictional shlong. HAPPILY. so tell me why I was scrollin thru these gifs of him goin yum yum there he IS HIIIIII BABY hehehehe muy deliciosio. ?????? so fuckin embarrassing!!!!!!!!!!

ANYWAY.

3 PROS

dick game is fucking immaculate. I HATE to fuckin say it. literally crying screaming THROWING TF UP. bc come on. I'd LOVE. more than anything. to tell u with CONFIDENCE that it's subpar. but I'd be fuckin lying to u AND myself. and the gods would smite my fuckin ass from existence. so yeah. it's good. u know. the kinda dick game where he absolutely does not care if this feels good 4 u. and it's mean and awful............but somehow it's makin u astral project into 328798329832 different galaxies. it's SUCH a fuckin shame. smh.

despite being a FAKE ASS LARPING "mechanic", I genuinely do think he's handy and knows his way around vehicles/how to fix things. he's very much a car guy. <-this is also a CON. have u met a CAR GUY before??? immediate no. but I'm considering it a pro. bc u will definitely have to bring him sweet tea down to his stupid shop one summer afternoon. and the garage doors will be wide open and he'll be blasting korn or slipknot or some shit. and he'll be workin on a car engine in a slutty wifebeater with a slutty lil rag tucked into his slutty lil belt loop. and he'll be sweaty and covered in grease and annoying. he'll complain about how ur interrupting his work. and then u get banged on the hood of the car bc he's a skank. so it's a pro.

I just feel like he smells G O O D. like. AS MUCH as I call him stinky. I unfortunately think he consistently smells good. like. the kinda smell that makes ur brain go ooga booga cavewoman-mode and forget ur basic motor functions. sigh sigh SMH

3 CONS

EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER WRITTEN FOR THIS LOSER

MEAN dom (this is also. regrettably. a pro)

it would be SO fun to peg him. u will never peg him.

mommy issues out the fuckin WAZOO. daddy issues too. every issue in the fuckin book. get ready 2 be seen less as a person and more as a weird conglomeration mishmash projected fantasy-nightmare. he's dedicated his whole adult life to maintaining a murdertown in his beloved mama's memory. his mother also fucking hated him. he's very aware of that. recreates and sexualizes his trauma to feel better about all that. yikes!!!!!!!!!! YIKES!!!!!!!!!!

lester

3 PROS

full of boundless enthusiasm!! genuinely interested in what u have to say!! will happily talk to u for hours about whatever dumb shit u have boppin around ur brain!! most ppl are usually unsettled by him (honestly, for valid reasons LMAO. I mean. he IS leading u to certain doom in his big bro's helltown), so having someone around who doesn't treat him like an oddity has him BUZZING.

he's a v strange but thoughtful gift-giver. I definitely see him as the kinda guy to randomly give u weird lil trinkets. like here u go. he whittled down this wood into the shape of a catfish for u. he's coming over to present u with a bizarre taxidermied raccoon w/a frilled dress and tiara. both the dress and tiara are made of recycled chip bags and six-pack rings. u love it

I feel like he makes a MEAN gumbo. u wouldn't even know it's made of lizard tails and alligator eyeballs. unless he told u. which he will. w/a huge grin while ur mid-mouthful

3 CONS

actually LITERALLY stinky. like. RANCID. DIS-COS-TANG. I'm not discounting the fact that he takes baths in like. a metal tub in his backyard w/dial soap. from time to time. but come on. he's a bit putrid. a bit foul.

I v much feel that he hasn't navigated a lot (if any) normal adult relationships. so get ready for some pie-in-the-sky goofy affection that skews pretty immature. he means well, but there's a lot of cognitive dissonance and general weirdness there. he's hardly been shown any good representations on how relationships should work, so his interpretation is...................boyish. and strange

I.........feel like he's clingy. just. smthn about him. as happy-go-lucky as he might appear, he's v liable of getting his feelings hurt if he feels like ur pulling away/losing interest in him. all the sinclair boys are pretty DEEPLY maladjusted lmao. I could see him being the type of personality to sulk around. he's the baby of the family after all. just a lil guy (affectionate) (derogatory)

[nihilismtrcit]

got bored and tried to remake judith ward without changing her genetics and bruh. ea did her so dirty i’m not talented enough to fix it lmao

yikes lollll. i also aged her down bc i had an idea of her being a bombshell back in The Day™ and 

:/ lmfao 

[chthonicgodling]

ohh happy mother’s d— OR LACK THEREOF— UMMM, THE THREE PART SEQUEL?!! aka what I perhaps would have posted for actual Mother’s Day if I hadn’t forgotten about it and rushed to doodle these actually cute and very tonally different pics - WELL now I’m taking my time it’s time for the tongue in cheek followup!!

PLEASE WELCOME THE “STEADILY DECREASING IN QUALITY”  MOMS OF ELYSIUM, FEATURING - blurbs behind the cut lmao:

1st: (Aw Hecate is just there for comedic effect she doesn’t deserve this lmao;;) Maci’s mom Seph, and…. mom of like half our cast & the Underworld whoops Greek mythology gets awkward, Hypnos-Thanatos-Ker-Eury-Epi-Charon-Etc-Etc, Nyx! ✨lovingly oblivious to the damage they’ve done to their children✨- Hecate, creature feature mom of the Underworld in designated Mother™ form, is… there also minding her business NOT AFFILIATED!! to be fair Seph & Nyx both meant well but uh. utterly failed. Nyx worse than Seph but aahhhh yikes indeed.

2nd: Seph’s mom, Demeter, and of course Maci’s grandmother, Neo’s great grandmother- POINTSSS YOUUUU!! YOU DID ALL THIS!!! once again no space here for olympian apologists you’re valid but not in this venue go somewhere else lmao. 🌈she did all this shit on purpose and domino effected everyone else - WHOOPS MY SIGNATURE ESSAY SPILLED INTO THE ART???? also pls a moment for my heavy metal letters, gifted from the Underworld just bc she would hate it

3rd: …… lmao. Chal’s (bio) mom, Ker, who... did successfully chew off One Limb so far even though it was reattached — MOMM OF THE YEAR!!! no offense intended but Chal came out weak and had to be consumed, SHE SAYS, duhhh ffkfk Chal’s actual mom now is Maci since she was adopted but. but but. yknow uhhh. UHHH— actually tbhhh I feel like that shirt came from Neo and Chal in the distant future where Chal finally finds a sense of humor about all that lmfao-

anyway enjoy these stable relationships!! mommy issues where!!!! everyone turned out just perfectly fine! these versions of all above are mineee although Hecate mostly belongs to @fenixethekid - novelty merchandise available in an Underworld giftshop near you-

[user-needs-new-hyperfixation]

From a like, "what if this relationship existed irl?" perspective, Wangxian and Hualian both have Concerning Elements.™ But, I mean, most of my fave ships do. Fiction is fiction, yada yada yada. However, for my tastes, Hualian's Concerning Elements are SO much more my jam (at least thus far, as of being halfway through the 6th official English volume.)

TW for mentions of Wangxian sex antics below the cut. (ie CNC at best, rape at worst.)

This is very subjective, but I think the problem I ended up having with Wangxian once I got to the sex was that while the book did a good job convincing me that Wei Wuxian is into everything Lan Wangji does to him, it didn't do a good job convincing me that Lan Wangji knows that for sure, or is in control of himself, or would stop if Wei Wuxian didn't like something. I can see the bits that could be interpreted differently and suggest that it is all clearly consensual, but it just...wasn't quite enough for me. I'd pretty thoroughly spoiled myself and I thought I'd just be kinda meh about the incense burner bits, but when I actually got to that first one I was just stuck like 😬😬 the whole time. I don't think I will ever be comfortable with blood in that context. Just...yikes. (And yes that's complicated by it being a dream and whatnot, but it did still give me the ick, alas.)

Hualian are so different because the bottom is literally the god the top worships. (Which, y'know, again; if that scenario were somehow translated to real life would be A Problem lmao.) I know there aren't any full-on sex scenes between them, but whatever shenanigans they're implied to get up to, I'm already coming at it from the perspective of trusting entirely that Hua Cheng would never even dream of hurting Xie Lian in any way unless it was 250% consensual. If Hua Cheng has darker fantasies, they're probably of Xie Lian using him...and then he beats himself up for 50 years just for daring to besmirch Xie Lian's goodness in his head like that or something.

And again, this is subjective. This isn't some anti rant where I suggest everyone else should dislike something just because I did. Though I did relate to him in some ways, I don't feel like I bonded as much with Lan Wangji as a character as I did with Wei Wuxian, Hua Cheng, and Xie Lian. Maybe I just don't understand what's going on in his head enough. But my personal comfort level is always gonna be: rough sex needs the top/dom to be very much in control and checking in with the bottom/sub regularly. And in the end, that wasn't how Wangxian felt to me. Which is kind of a bummer.

But Hualian are just...ARGH they're so much, and the obsessive worship and centuries of yearning are so unhealthy is such delightful ways.

[reginaldqueribundus]

I watched Goncharov 2 so you wouldn't have to

I love seeing Goncharov have this weird renaissance on tumblr. It’s like when we all decided to get collectively obsessed with Dracula and the Epic of Gilgamesh. but did you know there's a sequel??

granted it's pretty obscure, like Eighties Bulgarian Treasure Planet levels of obscure, but you can actually watch the whole thing on YouTube for free. I can't even find the original poster, just this shitty DVD cover from Amazon:

FUN FACTS ABOUT GONCHAROV 2

released in 1985, long after anybody would've given a shit about the original

features none of the original cast (except, weirdly enough, the guy playing Andrey's driver, despite Andrey himself being absent)

SOMEHOW passes the Bechdel test

was apparently produced by Benito Mussolini's kid???

the movie starts with a weird, pointless nightclub scene with a ton of characters who get shot dead and are never seen again. it went on for so long I genuinely started thinking this was a Troll 2 situation, where somebody slapped completely unrelated movie's name on this for free clout; but no, this is actually supposed to be a sequel! the plot is that Goncharov's brother, who is also called Goncharov, just wants to sell flowers in Milan but his uncle Vladimir Espinoza (lmao) finds him and drags him off to fight a Galician crime lord named Iago for reasons that aren't clearly explained (and shamelessly rip off the Rocky training montage while they're at it). His Designated Love Interest™ is “Marina”, (imagine a Costco knockoff of Sofia with way more cleavage), whose job is to get kidnapped a lot. She sadly doesn’t get any sapphic undertones aside from a couple weirdly horny scenes with a nameless assassin masseuse who is inexplicably called “the Algerian” despite being portrayed by a Japanese actress (yikes).

The dialogue is so truly awful I strongly suspect English was not the writer's first language. At one point Uncle Vladimir tells his nephew to “gouge out their livers like a beak of the mad kestrel”. I'm 100% certain the guy playing him was hired for his weird resemblance to Al Pacino and not any acting talent; he delivers every line like there's a gun to his head but he also swallowed 30 Ambien. Iago is supposedly Spanish(?) but played by one of the whitest guys I've ever seen (Xander Crane, who has an objectively cooler name than his actual character — dude sounds like a Bond villain). He does a godawful fake accent and keeps accenting the wrong syllables. The part where he screams GON-CHAAAAAA-ROV!! has to be seen to be believed. The mangled English also makes the torture scene unintentionally hilarious, especially when Iago asks “Are you trying to f**k me?” and creates 20x more gay vibes than every Andrey/Goncharov scene combined.

some moments (ex. not-Sofia and Uncle Vlad keep mentioning Katya, but they talk about her like she was this Goncharov's lover) makes me wonder if they started the screenplay before watching Goncharov 1 all the way through, and it was supposed to be about OG Goncharov but they had to quickly rewrite it to be his brother instead. I really hope that's true cuz it would be hilarious and explain why they made a sequel to a movie where most of the characters die at the end.

Aside from (holy shit) Val Kilmer as one of Iago's bodyguards, no one involved with this film has worked on anything else you've ever heard of. The writer isn't even listed on IMDb, and Giuseppe Stromboli's entire filmography consists of this, a kids' cartoon called Spaghetti Briefcase and a bunch of weird Italian chewing gum commercials (which are also on YouTube btw). Matteo JWHJ pops up in the credits as a producer so I can only assume he was desperate for cash.

so yeah. Goncharov 2 is objectively terrible and problematic and lacking in gay vibes or juicy Goncharov lore, but if you want something to get drunk and laugh at with your friends it's got you covered

join me next time and we'll talk about the Goncharov director's cut

[libraryofloveletters]

Someone has to do it

Mick, Charles, Pierre, Lando, George, Toto

you're so real for this

mick

Yikes, I Don’t See The Appeal || Not My Type || He’s Alright || I See The Appeal But I’m Different™ || Cute But On Alternating Wednesdays || He Has A Kind Face And That’s Good Enough || Pretty || Gorgeous || I— I Love? We Don’t Deserve Him.

he's so first love, high school sweetheart coded

--

charles

Yikes, I Don’t See The Appeal || Not My Type || He’s Alright || I See The Appeal But I’m Different™ || Cute But On Alternating Wednesdays || He Has A Kind Face And That’s Good Enough || Pretty || Gorgeous || I— I Love? We Don’t Deserve Him.

he's cute but he's not my usual type, he's too pretty to be my kind of guy lmao

--

pierre

Yikes, I Don’t See The Appeal || Not My Type || He’s Alright || I See The Appeal But I’m Different™ || Cute But On Alternating Wednesdays || He Has A Kind Face And That’s Good Enough || Pretty || Gorgeous || I— I Love? We Don’t Deserve Him.

I have no thoughts on pierre, he just exists lmao

--

lando

Yikes, I Don’t See The Appeal || Not My Type || He’s Alright || I See The Appeal But I’m Different™ || Cute But On Alternating Wednesdays || He Has A Kind Face And That’s Good Enough || Pretty || Gorgeous || I— I Love? We Don’t Deserve Him.

he's so baby brother to me, I need to pinch his cheeks and help him fix his hair for his date

--

george

Yikes, I Don’t See The Appeal || Not My Type || He’s Alright || I See The Appeal But I’m Different™ || Cute But On Alternating Wednesdays || He Has A Kind Face And That’s Good Enough || Pretty || Gorgeous || I— I Love? We Don’t Deserve Him.

mums love him, what can I say

--

toto

Yikes, I Don’t See The Appeal || Not My Type || He’s Alright || I See The Appeal But I’m Different™ || Cute But On Alternating Wednesdays || He Has A Kind Face And That’s Good Enough || Pretty || Gorgeous || I— I Love? We Don’t Deserve Him. -- dilf

I made my own category 👍🏽

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

For the average white man: chris evans, chris pine, and oliver stark

Literally on the preview for this ask I saw the first two options and thought "did this person send me all the Chrises?" LMAO

Chris Evans

Yikes, I Don’t See The Appeal || Not My Type || He’s Alright || I See The Appeal But I’m Different™ || Cute But On Alternating Wednesdays || He Has A Kind Face And That’s Good Enough || Pretty || Gorgeous || I— I Love? We Don’t Deserve Him.

Under certain circumstances (Snowpiercer) I will enter a fugue state and go absolutely feral but the other like 75% of the time I'm just like yeah he's pretty.

Chris Pine

Yikes, I Don’t See The Appeal || Not My Type || He’s Alright || I See The Appeal But I’m Different™ || Cute But On Alternating Wednesdays || He Has A Kind Face And That’s Good Enough || Pretty || Gorgeous || I— I Love? We Don’t Deserve Him.

THE best of the Chrises, I said what I said. He just seems like a very fun and cool person and everything I hear about him I'm like "oh yeah I would have a blast chatting at a party with you." Also has so many roles I adore. If you told me he was lurking on here and/or read Spirk fanfic on Ao3 I would 100% believe you, no question.

Oliver Stark

Yikes, I Don’t See The Appeal || Not My Type || He’s Alright || I See The Appeal But I’m Different™ || Cute But On Alternating Wednesdays || He Has A Kind Face And That’s Good Enough || Pretty || Gorgeous || I— I Love? We Don’t Deserve Him.

90% of the time I don't find Oliver attractive, I'm honestly kinda surprised when I do. Every once in a while he does something and I lose my mind and I go "OH I GET IT NOW" and then I go back to normal and blink rapidly like I stared at the sun by accident going ????.

[figmentof]

quick! who’s the most babygirl? who had the most tragic breakup/separation? who most yearns for the mortifying ordeal of being known? ed, crowley, neo?

holy shit sam you can't just attack me which such questions randomly like this 🤯

uhhhhhhhh. Neo did sacrifice himself after Trinity died but then they got their happy ending later (although he was trapped in the matrix again for like 20 years so like... ignorance is bliss at least???) so i'd say he's the least tragic of them all also he got Trinity who is like the baddest bitch in this entire universe so he's the biggest winner to ever win lbr (that's my lesbian ass speaking tho Trinity if you read this i'm free on thursday night and would like to hang out. if you see this please respond and hang out with me on thursday night when i'm free)

you cannot ask me to pick THEE babygirl i cannot choose between my children....... okay fine it's Ed. the most babygirl imo she is everything she's barbie she's the blueprint actually i will not take any feedback at this time

most tragic breakup is probably Crowley bc this poor dumbass (affectionate) spent like 6000+ years yearning and pining and understands/speaks every language known to man but he can't articulate his love to Aziraphale and even after having lesbians smack him over the head about saying what he means he still didn't... do it. you cannot be more cringefail than to allow some old angelic fart trigger religious trauma in the love of your existence and have him leave you for superheaven even though everything Aziraphale is doing is for Crowley but damn you can understand his duolingo unit 15 french but you didn't Get™ Aziraphale's "i need you" and "we can be together" was an admission of reciprocated love. i really hope he doesn't drive his Bentley directly into the Thames but i also wouldn't blame him if he did lmao

both Ed and Crowley yearn to be known don't they, as much as it scares them to lay themselves bare. though Ed's already a lot more straightforward with that what with him already being vulnerable with Stede TWICE (Stede really fumbled the bag with the bad bitch he pulled by being autistic there yikes). Crowley...... has a lot of work to do. 6000+ years of repression jfc maybe if she read some jane austen in those years maybe then she wouldn't be in this pickle skajdhksjdhkajsdh

[one4theoverlypassionate]

for the average white man please rate lance and george 🫶🏻

lmao its fun how one of these opinions is the popular one and the other one is going to get me booed

lance

Yikes, I Don’t See The Appeal || Not My Type || He’s Alright || I See The Appeal But I’m Different™ || Cute But On Alternating Wednesdays || He Has A Kind Face And That’s Good Enough || Pretty || Gorgeous || I— I Love? We Don’t Deserve Him

hes one of the men of all time! he has big beautiful brown eyes like a cow and his bruce springsteen moment at cota changed lives

george

Yikes, I Don’t See The Appeal || Not My Type || He’s Alright || I See The Appeal But I’m Different™ || Cute But On Alternating Wednesdays || He Has A Kind Face And That’s Good Enough || Pretty || Gorgeous || I— I Love? We Don’t Deserve Him.

I know he's a war criminal and lots of people think he looks like a mannequin but there's something about how he reminds me of jc leyendecker illustrations

[the-kipsabian]

Rate him

more like date him hahaA GOTTEM

Yikes, I Don’t See The Appeal || Not My Type || He’s Alright || I See The Appeal But I’m Different™ || Cute But On Alternating Wednesdays || He Has A Kind Face And That’s Good Enough || Pretty || Gorgeous || I— I Love? We Don’t Deserve Him.

listen. i have been absolutely in love from the first second i laid eyes on this man. him and his thicc thighs and ace palette and THAT HAIR AND THOSE EYES just really spoke to me from the very beginning

hes also a ridiculously nice dude to talk to even tho (in-character) hes a bitch lmao

i'll rate your favorite average white man (doesnt need to be a man, white or average lol) ~

[mistressemmedi]

can i add my two cents on the papgate? i definitely agree the previous anon who is friends with a nicki minaj stan, they are absolutely crazy and if there is anyone out there who is crazier than them is definitely the paps.

however, the photos not having been published anywhere still doesn't sit very right with me. i don't think you can't be relevant enough for paps to take photos of you but not relevant enough for the said photos of you not being published at any magazine. (or maybe they are some kind of schrödinger's cat of relevancy lol). and we are talking about trash papers in here like sun, daily mail etc. let alone having some kind of politically correct stand, they love to feature people like her just to generate clicks using her "controversies". so her not being liked much isn't a con but a very much pro for them.

another point is that they are actually in eden rock in st. barts which is like the exclusive of the exclusive and *here comes the joke* the beach is private. as the anon said, f1 is still somewhat niche sport, so good quality photos taken in private beach of a couple who is very much irrelevant to non-f1 audience makes me more inclined towards someone *ehem* let the paps know they were there.

finally i understand how the constant body shaming would make her conscious about herself and discourage her, but also the photos didn't show anything new that gossip blogs hadn't already used to bash her. like everyone speculated about pregnancy in fia gala too while she basically dressed up as a nun.

and a final note or another idk "coincidence" is that, they aren't the only f1 couple who got papped in here. carmen and george also got papped in the exact same beach last year (or the year before that, not exactly sure). i believe eden rock management has some serious questions to answer about their privacy policy lmao.

The body shaming is a bit Yikes™

In any case, I find it interesting as well that no news outlet picked up the pictures.

I mean, we had a full spread on Charlotte's sizzling physique thanks to the Daily Mail last year (I'm still cringing thinking about it) and while Charles is a Ferrari driver (and therefore more... Marketable? Idk lmao), Max is a world champ.

Yet nobody picked up the pics - you would have thought that after Kelly's Vogue spread there would have been some kind of interest in high profile romantic couple of Formula 1 (according to some) but it's been crickets instead lmao

[kattythingz]

So it's been... 22 days.

I have not been okay... I'm still not okay, really but I'm alive! The asks ghost LIVES. Yeah I start school on Tuesday so I may disappear again. I have not finished that fic and may never finish it.

So! I was rereading THE FIC™ and I noticed the bear trap scene specifically. I love that for SO many reasons BUT I have a "character steps into a bear trap OW" scene so I've been doing research about bear traps and accidents revolving them (to be a writer)

Okay so first off if that was Eds actual leg depending on the size of the trap it would have broken the bone in several places, I'm talking SHATTERED this boys shins. It would bleed a lot and considering the distance from civilization there's a chance for infection too because rust and dirt and stuff. Yippie! Serious injuries!

Anyway I leave you with a quote from my bear trap scene.

"I'm beginning to hate the circle of life."

HEY YOU!! I'm sorry to hear all that, but I'm glad to see you in my asks again!!

THAT IS SO FUCKING COOL ABOUT THE BEAR TRAP THING??? I only kinda looked into if it could dent/damage Ed's Northern automail leg (it can indeed, shit's scary WOW), but ig Greed was right in that it DID save Ed's life, haha! Shattered—YIKES.

(That scene is also a favorite of mine, haha. I'm glad to hear you love it too!!)

THAT LINE'S HILARIOUS LMAO

Also, I kinda left this for last, but—don't worry about not finishing that fic. Sometimes you just need time away from a fic before you get back to it (I stepped away from an httyd fic for like. An entire year before I ever wrote it). But sometimes you also just don't finish that fic. And that's okay! Don't beat yourself up too much about it, okay? <3