#local non binary trans boy struggles | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

officialgleamstar · 2 years ago

Text

in my feelings about monsters and mommies au morgan and how i only ever make her deeply depressed, so heres some (genuinely) cute/fun facts about her rather than the constant angst i give her:

though not a musician herself, she practically grew up at concerts and considers music her main interest

related: her dream job is being the owner of her own record store!

at the start of mnmoms au, she is an overnight stocking manager at a grocery store. however, after the timeline jump to the foster timeline - she has her dream job! shes the main breadwinner of their family with her own record/general music store.

she/they not necessarily in a non-binary way, but not quite a cis way either. she's always had a pretty loose grasp on gender, and after nick comes out as trans, she realizes that she doesn't really care about being seen as strictly a woman. she just also doesn't care enough to think deeper on it LOL

she is the ONLY MOM to know who the omega daddies are at first. this doesn't sound like a fun fact, but it is actually pretty funny for morgan and bill to be pointing at each other like "why are YOU here?!" while the other moms are like "...? morgan who are these strange men who kidnapped our kids?"

since she loves the color blue, nick (and nicholas in the foster timeline!) buys her any blue jewelry and clothing he finds and can afford. because of this, morgan has a generally younger fashion style than the other moms, because she likes wearing the clothes her son buys her/points out to her in stores

as the AU season 1 goes on, morgan loosens up a lot and the other moms learn that she is actually capable of being pretty silly. she likes dancing a lot, she sings off-key to any song that she knows, she's a big fan of stupid puns and disney jokes. shocker shocker, local woman is capable of being a normal human being when given the chance!

her favorite holiday is new years, tied between western new years and chinese new year! she just likes the idea of fresh starts, being with family, and the bright celebrations

she met glenn at a casual music competition held at a local bar, where he won against her boyfriend at the time. when she tells this story, people always ask, "oh, and he impressed you so you broke up with your boyfriend?" and she cheerfully responds with, "no, i tried to break his nose to defend my boyfriend's honor! we ended up dating later on."

she has a weird hate crush on erin o'neil, where she's utterly head-over-heels for her but can only express it by pissing erin off. everyone hates it except for morgan, but after hearing the glenn story, it makes a lot more sense

post-season 1, she gets really into messing with jodie. she finds the way he gets riled up funny and also kind of adorable.

(she's utterly unaware of it, and jodie would never say it, but jodie's original morgan was the same way so he finds it comforting whenever he snaps at her and she just starts laughing at him. he always found it genuinely annoying with his morgan, and it was definitely a splinter in their relationship, but he struggles more with finding offense with it now that she's gone. (whoops sorry i said these weren't gonna be sad))

post-timeline jump, nicholas is the absolute center of morgan's world. he's her favorite person to be around, she will drop everything if he needs her or just wants to hear her voice, and while his high anxiety can set her own anxiety off, she never finds it hard to reassure him. and luckily for morgan, he's a total mama's boy and clings to her just as hard, even if the sudden shift in his mom's personality confuses him

shes pretty close with the other kiddads, especially sparrow and grant since theyre close friends with nicholas post-season 1. shes perpetually confused by why, but the kids all think shes the coolest mom on earth and are very happy to tell her so (its because she's been to jail.)

#mine #mnmoms au #dndads #morgan morgan morgan you are my everything morgan

19 notes · View notes

kinkyprincesssarah · 2 years ago

Text

Some real talk about my identity here. Also, a depression, and a selfkill trigger warning.

The question I get asked by a lot of strangers, whoever knows that I have transitioned is: "How do you know?" Or "How did you find out?"

I say smth, but it is not completely the true story. Truth is, when I was 16/17, I read an unalive myself letter on Tumblr from a trans girl (I still know her name and I also have this letter saved on my PC. Her situation should be talked about, an important matter, but I won't share the letter publicly as I think this can also motivate others to the same actions or at least motivate to some self-harm. If you read this and struggle because of such dark places and this text makes it worse: Stop reading, now it is the time to call your local mental health hotline) and was able to relate as depression from puberty (and period) hit me hard. This letter is the reason why I started to think about being FtM. I was scared of pregnancy, I was scared of the role my sex had in society. My family wasn't a healthy one, I was scared of them. Bad mental health, little support, more trauma, and simply a lot of fear and deep loneliness, I was looking for where I belonged. I thought that I had found my solution for those problems in this letter and this has brought me to the point where I am now.

So I thought of regretting starting T, which I did for a while. But I probably also never tried dick without it, to be honest, so I am fine with how it is. I probably would have stayed as a depressed, man-hating lesbian without it. Maybe not. Maybe I would have changed otherwise, who knows? But I probably wouldn't have this almost 180° turnaround especially so quickly. Would I do it again? No, there are other ways. But I am also not regretting it as it brought me a lot of fun, too, and it made me to the person I am now.

Truth be told, I see myself as way more feminine since I started T. My boy facade dropped more and more, also with each sexual action I experienced. So, I guess I'll somewhat detrans sooner or later. If trans, I see myself as more non-binary than FtM. I already used to before I read this selfkill letter. But now also way more feminine than I used to back then.

It turns me on so much if a hetero guy tells me he would fuck me. Says a lot about how he sees me. And if he "misgenders and deadnames" me for real ... oh dear God. Never had the experience irl until 2 days ago, but now I know how it is and I love it. If you told my 17 y.o. me about the situation I am in now, "he" wouldn't believe it.

Emotionally I am already taking steps back. I did a lot, to be honest, and not just because of kink reasons. Kink is the way I can express this side in me. Socially I didn't, medically I didn't continue my therapy for transition for 5 years. After 6 years of T, I finally gathered all the documents for the top surgery, but I won't do it.

Guess those thoughts just needed to get out for once.

#detrans kink #detransition kink #detrans ftm #ftm detrans kink #ftm detransition

17 notes · View notes

fromofandfor · 2 years ago

Text

I had an acquaintance once. We called him Badger. Met him the only year I performed in our local haunted house. He'd been kicked out the season prior, an addict struggling to get clean and not yet able to stop himself from taking his anger out on the world. He was the type of guy you'd look at and cross the street to avoid out of fear. The kind you'd expect to rip a book in half rather than read one. But he knew that and felt bad about how he acted in the past matching how he was usually percieved. When I met him, he'd worked hard on himself so he could come back. But the cast, despite most of them being new like me, just looked at and treated him like an uneducated junkie with anger issues and backwoods ideas because he came from bumfuck, nowhere and had a dark past.

i just treated him like a dude. A flawed human, just like the rest of us. He might've been rough and tumble, but his trying was more than the shiny, happy, less self-aware people were capable of. So when he said something dumb, I just conversed with him about it. Gave him space to go on a little rant and express why he felt that way and walked him through other perspectives. Most of the time all he needed was a bit of information. Once he understood, it was like something clicked in his brain and he'd do everything he could to fix his thinking, all the while thanking me for not treating him like crap because of his lack of understanding. It was like watching a baby deer learn how to use it's legs.

My being non-binary confused the fuck out of him, though. He more or less understood trans binaries, but the idea of anything outside of that was like college level physics and he only had third grade math. So I spoke his language. Why give a TEDtalk when I can just say everyone is different, but my flavor of nonbinary is "fabulous question mark" and my pronouns are they/them? He got the descriptor fast ("so fuck it, just... be who you are and screw the ppl who are confused bc them being confused is better than you feeling bad?") but holy hell, he struggled with those pronouns. Oh boy, did they ever fuck him up.

He never stopped trying though.

I've seen this man go stand in the corner and put on his silicone mask to muffle a scream of rage at something small going wrong, but he never once got upset when I corrected him on my pronouns. He always apologized, never turning it into a big deal, usually cracking a joke at his own expense and promising he'd get it right one day.

He never did. We lost him to relapse a little over a year after the last time I saw him, just before the new season was about to start. But he did land on something I hold dear to my heart. Halfway through that season, instead of referring to me with "they/them", he started using "thee/thou". I don't know how intentional it was, but I didn't have the heart to correct him after that. It was thee and thou til the day he died, and those words still make me wet in the eyes.

I know from other friends that he talked about me after I left, that he was sad I didn't come back for another year. They also tell me he was lighter than before. Friendlier, less angry, more understanding. I didn't do that, that was all him. But I know for a fact it was because he felt safe enough to become that person and discover those things. Because I never shit on him for his language, which everyone else always did. What did I care if he was using a slur if he was using it to help himself understand and empathize better, thereby eventually getting to a point where he could understand it was bad and stop using it? If I shamed him for his upbringing and understanding of the world, he never would have wanted to learn or been capable of listening in the first place.

This, as opposed to Brandy, the middle-aged white woman with a full understanding of trans/non-binary, who would use the right language and claim to be an ally yet misgender me on the regular. Usually right after telling me I reminded her of her trans kid as she wondered aloud why they have no relationship anymore (before pinning it on said kid, bc clearly she was a great mom and ally if I was her friend 🙄).

I was never her friend.

"The trannies should be able to piss in whatever toilet they want and change their bodies however they want. Why is it my business if some chick has a dick or a guy has a pie? I'm not a trannie or a fag so I don't care, just give 'em the medicine they need."

"This is an LGBT safe space. Of COURSE I fully support individuals who identify as transgender and their right to self-determination! I just think that transitioning is a very serious choice and should be heavily regulated. And there could be a lot of harm in exposing cis children to such topics, so we should be really careful about when it is appropriate to mention trans issues or have too much trans visibility."

One of the above statements is Problematic and the other is slightly annoying. If we disagree on which is which then working together for a better future is going to get really fucking difficult.

273K notes · View notes

melanielocke · 3 years ago

Text

Book recommendations: witches

Everyone loves witches, right? They're certainly one of my favorites and somehow keep showing up in most of the books I write. So I picked out a couple of witch books that I loved and will tell you a little more about them.

I'm starting with These Witches Don't Burn and This Coven Won't Break by Isabel Sterling

This is a complete duology set in modern day Salem, following Hannah, an elemental witch, with as you guessed, power over the elements. She has to keep her magic a secret from everyone non magical, including her best friend Gemma. When Hannah starts discovering signs of dark magic in her town, she suspects a blood witch, but her coven doesn't believe her, so she's forced to team up with her ex girlfriend Veronica, another elemental, to figure out who's responsible.

This book is really the kind that balances contemporary teen life and romance with magic and action, and you do have to like that, but generally the book is fast paced and easy to get through. There's a romance built up inbetween the action between Hannah and a new girl in town called Morgan, and a lot of tension comes from the old fashioned YA magic girl who has to keep her powers secret from best friends and potential girlfriends.

Other books from this author: The Coldest Touch, which is a sapphic vampire book

Next I'll talk about Labyrinth Lost by Zoraida Cordova, which is first in a complete series but the books are more companions than direct sequels. I realize now that I never actually bought or read the third book, so maybe I'll put that on my wishlist.

The series is about a latine family of brujas, which each book focusing on a different sister and the first one follows Alex. Alex is an Encantrix, the most powerful bruja in her generation, but she struggles to control her magic and would much rather be rid of it. On her Deathday celebration she tries a spell to get rid of it, but instead she accidently makes her family disappear. To get them back, she has to travel to Los Lagos, a mysterious alternate world she has to traverse to find them. She has the help of Nova, a brujo she doesn't trust, and her best friend Rishi.

There's somewhat of (bisexual) love triangle, but Alex makes a pretty clear choice pretty soon so it's not dragged out or in the way of the story.

The second book is about the oldest sister Lula, whose boyfriend dies and she tries to use her healing power to bring him back, only to accidently start a zombie apocalypse. It's been a while since I read these books so I don't remember it well but I loved the first one in particular.

Cemetery Boys is the first novel by Aiden Thomas (I have talked about his newest book the Sunbearer Trials before, which is also amazing)

Cemetery Boys is a contemporary fantasy set in California, where a local latine community has magic powers. Their magic is gendered, and while it does mention the potential of non binary witches, this is not further explore. Brujas have the power to heal while brujos have power over the dead. Yadriel is a trans boy, and while his family seems to accept that he's trans, they don't accept him as a brujo and won't let him prove himself. So he decides to do the ritual himself to prove he is a brujo, and he ends up accidently summoning Julian Diaz, a boy from his school who was recently murdered, and Julian wants nothing more than to find out what happened to him. Yadriel decides to help him, but the longer Julian spends around him, the more Yadriel doesn't want him to leave.

This book has a lot of mystery and intrigue, with Yadriel and Julian following clues to figure out what happened to him, but there's also a lot of relationship building. I also really liked the inclusion of Maritza, Yadriel's best friend and another bruja. Her bruja powers require animal blood to work, but she's vegan and therefore doesn't use her powers, which I think was an interesting choice.

Sweet and Bitter Magic is the first book by Adrienne Tooley

Tamsin is the most powerful witch of her generation, but after committing a terrible magical sin she's exiled from the coven and cursed so she can't feel love. The only way to get the ability back temporarily is by taking love from others. She lives in a village in the human lands where she sells her magic abilities in exchange for people's love.

Wren is a source, a much rarer being than a witch. She's made of magic but can't use it herself. Instead, she can see magic and allow a witch to take power from her. Wren has hidden this ability all her life, because she would be taken away to train with the Coven and she has to take care of her sick father.

When a plague ravages the land, caused by a witch using dark magic somewhere, Wren's father becomes one of its victims, and Wren makes a deal with Tamsin to save her father in exchange for her love for her father. Together, they'll set off on a journey to find out what caused the plague and put an end to it.

This is a very character driven book, with a lot of emphasis on Tamsin's past and what caused her to be exiled and cursed. It's also good to remember that in the story Tamsin is still a teenager, meaning she was twelve or so when she was exiled and cursed. Meanwhile, Wren has always put her father before anyone else, including herself, and has to learn to stop letting her life revolve around him. This is a sapphic book, with the main relationship between Tamsin and Wren, and I guess you could classify it as enemies to lovers? Or at the very least, dislike each other to lovers.

The last book on this list is Sofi and the Bone Song, Adrienne Tooley's second book

Like Sweet and Bitter Magic, this is a stand alone, and while there are also witches in here, this book is in the first place about music, and takes on and challenges the idea that suffering creates the best art.

In the land of Aell, winter is eternal and magic is easily available through paper spells made by witches that can be bought. Music is the last artform that has been untouched by this magic, and to ensure it stays this way there are only five Musiks, each playing a different instrument, who are allowed to compose and perform music. Other people can learn to play from these Musiks, but only as amateurs. Sofi is the daughter of one of the Musiks, and she wants nothing more than to become his successor. She's been practicing music all her life and has quite a brutal routine for herself to ensure she is the best, a routine that her father taught her.

On the day of the auditions for her father's successor, Sofi meets unexpected competition. Lara has never played the lute before, all her musical experience is with singing, but somehow she plays so well that the judges choose her over Sofi.

When her father dies on the same day, Lara immediately inherits the Musik title and has to go on a tour through the kingdom to play her own music, something she has no experience with whatsoever. Sofi doesn't believe Lara's talent is genuine, after all, who plays the lute perfectly when they've never played before? She offers to help Lara with the intent of finding proof Lara used illegal magic to enhance her performance, so she can win the Musik title back.

But the more time Sofi spends around Lara, the more she starts to question what she knew about her family, her practice routine, and if her father was truly as great as she thought he was.

Sofi can be described as an unlikeable main character, especially at first. She only really cares about becoming Musik at first, and offers to help Lara with the idea of exposing her, but despite that I found her easy to root for and I loved seeing her grow and challenging the ideas she was brought up with. I think this is a very underrated book and I hope more people buy it

Next up by Adrienne Tooley is the Third Daughter, a first book in a duology

@alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer @life-through-the-eyes-of @astriefer @justanormaldemon @ipromiseiwillwrite @a-dream-dirty-and-bruised @amchara @all-for-the-fanfiction @imsoftforthomastair @ddepressedbookworm @queenlilith43 @wagner-fell @cant-think-of-anything @laylax13s @tessherongraystairs @boredfangirl16 @artist-in-soul @bottomdelioncourt @ikissedsmithparker

#book recommendations #witch books #witches #these witches don't burn #this coven won't break #isabel sterling #cemetery boys #aiden thomas #labyrinth lost #zoraida cordova #sweet and bitter magic #sofi and the bone song #adrienne tooley

19 notes · View notes

alexanderzeegreat · 4 years ago

Text

Are You Confused About Ageplay/Regression?

(Don’t Worry, So Are Lotsa People)

Hello, friends! I wanted to write a thingy for those new to the world of ageplay/regression; because when I first started to explore it, I quickly realized I had no terminology or understanding of the complications of this world. I hope this gives some degree of clarity to anyone feeling confused.

The first important thing to say is this is a consensual world comprised entirely of legal adults. The definition of a legal, consenting adult depends on national/local laws, but they should govern your interactions 100%. While there are undoubtedly littles/regressors who are minors (I was one once!), those legally defined as minors should not interact with legal adults in ageplay/regression activities (and vice versa, obvz!).

It seems to me there are three basic groups that I can use to describe ageplay/regression; I don’t think these groups are discreet—there is fluidity among each one, so someone who heavily identifies with Group Two, for example, may also find connections with parts of an identity of Group One or Three. These groups cross all boundaries of race, gender, sexuality, etc and are not confined by monoliths or binaries. This is a world of freedom, experimentation, fluidity, and play inside and outside of the self, a place where trans/bi/lesbian/gay/asexual/queer/intersex, etc are welcome.

GROUP ONE: primarily defined by individuals who adopt an age other (usually younger) than their own to play a role. In this role, the ageplay individual may (or may not) experiment with sexual play and all attendant idiosyncrasies and kinks attached to it, such as (but not limited to), dominance/submission, puppy play, diapers, gay/straight sex, discipline, chastity, etc. The differentiating feature of this group is that their ageplay is voluntary, discreet, and often a means to an end (for example, playing out a scene). There is usually no larger connection to the play age other than the taking on of a role. The people in this group are valid and deserve to be treated with respect.

GROUP TWO: those in this group are defined by their voluntary regression (as opposed to the playing of role) in which they creatively and seamlessly embody a younger version of themselves (as opposed to a character—though the regressed self MIGHT carry a different name). Folks in this group have a profound and meaningful connection to their little side, sometimes referred to as an “inner child.” As opposed to those in the first group, their regression is usually (though not always) disconnected from their sexuality and focused instead on nurturing, play, and freedom. Group two littles/middles/regressors sometimes (though not always) have a caregiver who watches over them, and this can sometimes (though not always) take the form of a parental dynamic which might (though not always) include rules, discipline, and (non-sexual) punishments. This is the group I most closely identify with, and thus, the one I feel like I have the best handle on. The people in this group are valid and deserve to be treated with respect.

GROUP THREE: people in this group are usually comprised of those who (mostly) involuntarily regress to a younger age or for whom regression is neither roleplay nor a means of experimentation/play but instead a lived-life reality often connected to trauma, abuse, and abandonment during their chronological childhood. For those in this group, regression can be (though isn’t always) therapeutic, or, at the very least, a coping mechanism for the difficulties associated with recovery. Because those who are in group three have relatively little control over their regression—and because they fully and completely inhabit the mind of a child—they need protection from triggers for trauma and from the dissonances of the adult world that might frighten or (re)traumatize them. This protection comes often in the form of a caregiver but can also include a community of other regressors who create strict content rules and police them from the outside. The people in this group are valid and deserve to be treated with respect.

USEFUL TERMINOLOGY

DNI: Do Not Interact—often used by those in Group Three (or any other individual for whom ageplay/regression is inherently nonsexual) who engage with tumblr and other social media through involuntary regression and who seek to avoid triggers that might (re)traumatize or expose them to material not suitable for their regressed age. If you accidentally repost or respond to a DNI post and you are asked to stop, please apologize and do so.

NSFW: Not Safe For Work—used to indicate material that crosses over into the adult world; think anything PG13 and up. If it is something you’d be embarrassed to share with a coworker or colleague, it is NSFW. More importantly for this world, if it is material you would not show a child (or an adult regressed as a child), it is NSFW.

ABDL: Adult Baby/Diaper Lover—usually not disarticulated, though there are some Adult Babies who do not wear diapers and some Diaper Lovers who identify outside the realms of baby/toddlerhood. These would be individuals who define their little /regressed side as baby-early toddler and for whom the wearing of diapers is integral to their role/regression. The reasons or meaning of the diaper can be radically different depending on the individual and can run the spectrum from sexualized to punitive to comforting to conventional baby attire. Some ABDLs are also individuals who routinely struggle with incontinence either in their play/regressed self or in their adult world.

Little—any individual who identifies their role/inner age roughly between infant and school-aged; this is a pretty broad term, and I have seen it used to describe the ages 0-11, though the sweet spot tends to be 2-6.

Middle—a bit confusing, tbh: I used to think a middle was anyone who did not identity as a baby/toddler, but now it seems to describe ageplay/regression from preteen to teenager, let’s say ages 8-17, though I do think the sweet spot is more 12-14.

CG: Caregiver—any individual whose sole function is to provide care, affection, attention, and love to a little/middle/regressor. This can include the terminology/relationship of family, such as daddy, mommy, uncle, brother, aunt, etc. Or it can be non-defined and amorphous. Sometimes abbreviated “CG,” a caregiver relationship may or may not include discipline/punishment but is mostly non-disciplinary and inherently nonsexual.

DDLB/DDLG & MDLB/MDLG: Daddy (Mommy) Dom/Little Boy (Girl)—used to describe a dynamic whereby the caregiver of a little/middle/regressor mirrors some of the cadences of a Dom/Sub relationship, though this can be as mild as a conventional parental relationship—where there are rules, discipline, and punishments—to something hypersexualized and more in line with hardcore dominance and submission dynamics.

CGLRE: Caregiver Little Regressor—like DD(M)/LB(G) only completely nonsexual, though what that means can be contested. For example, some CGLRE folx see the imposition of any kind of discipline/punishment/rules on a little/regressor as inherently sexual (even parental discipline) and would, therefore, not include that dynamic as part of an authentic CGLRE relationship.

IMPORTANT NOTE: this list is by no means meant to be exhaustive and is only one boy’s understanding of a very vast and intricate dynamic, so friendly amendments, comments, suggestions, and clarifications are very welcome. NOT WELCOME: those who already harbor generalized prejudice or judgmental views about ageplay and regression; claims of any kind of authenticity or authority over what being little or regressed REALLY is/means; vitriol, hate, judgmental/self-righteousness, and other general meanie headedness. Such folx will be immediately and cheerfully blocked. I don’t/won’t listen to any of that noise, mkay?

The important thing is—no matter where you fit (or don’t) in this list/world, you treat those outside (and inside) your group with compassion, empathy, respect, and kindness. I will close by saying littles/regressors/middles/CGs/daddies/mommies are some of the nicest, sweetest, generous, and loving people I’ve ever met, and I am proud to be a part of this world <3

Please share this with anyone you think might need it!

Love, Zander

#zanderspeaks

516 notes · View notes

open-sketchbook · 9 months ago

Text

genuinely

one of the things i’ve found really useful in writing speculative fiction is sitting down and just asking myself “okay, how do people conceive of this stuff in this setting, what words do they have, what words don’t they have”

and i don’t mean fantasy terms because most of the time that’s silly, we have a translation convention in place already

but like, in flying circus’ world, they have the word transsexual, but not transgender and certainly not the word cis. they don’t have the linguistic sex-gender distinction either. it immediately colours how trans characters are able to articulate their place in the world.

Isabelle, from an isolated coastal village, knows that gay people exist, and is vaguely put off by that but not openly homophobic. however, she straight up does not know bisexuality exists. neither does her boyfriend. they initially think they are inventing it from first principles as Isa tries to work out her feelings.

Minna is autistic. it’s not subtle. none of the characters know what that is and have to settle on “i guess she’s kinda weird” until the very end of the book when Heinrich shows up and is like “yeah so i’ve known her for five minutes but she’s super on the spectrum” and even then he stumbles through explaining what that means because he mostly only knows in context of how it fits into his expertise of politics and economics.

and because all the characters are speaking fantasy german, when they run into their first non-binary person they need to hash out pronouns and there is no good answer. the singular “they” is used in translation convention but i make sure to mention that it sounds a lot more like “it (infantilizing)” to Isa

Himmilgard’s conception of race is different than ours; dark-skinned Minna and blond, blue-eyed Heinrich are both Gothic and nobody even brings it up. when Isa does notice loose intersections of phenotype and social imbalance while travelling up north, it’s couched in being about nationalities rather than race.

(because of how decoupled region is from Himmilgard’s conception of phenotypes, one of the weirdest struggles i had writing it is “how does Isa’s internal monologue describe a person we’d see as Asian, totally lacking any of our world’s associations” which was genuinely challenging to figure out).

but Ronja, who belongs to one of Himmilgard’s racialized groups, still has the word “racist” available to describe bigoted towns (and her co-workers’ ignorance). and then that bumps up against the conditional nature of gothic identity, the local analoge to whiteness, and the way there’s a ton of what we’d recognize as racist bullshit the characters instead describe in terms of religion, old state conflicts, and magic.

whispers is largely a book about marginalized people, who share similar struggles in a fantastical context. it’s about people who have been hurt, trying to figure out where they stand in a world where the coercive hierarchies have largely collapsed, while reflecting that hurt onto one another out of ignorance, anger, and fear and trying to fix it in the aftermath.

i think that’s way more meaningful than a character showing up and listing their exact identity markers as they would be seen in a modern twitter bio in the real world, while having zero of the historical contexts that would make any of that matter.

besides, this is much more fun too; it means i got to write a teenage boy and girl, baked out of their minds, stumbling through a discussion on which one of them is gay for liking a trans girl

"But like... I dunno. What if it was me and Wulf?" he said.

"... I think not gay," you said.

"Right, because she's a girl. But... okay. I'm pretty sure I know from, like, implication, but I'm not for sure for sure that it's what's going on, so..." Arren took a deep breath before continuing. "Isa, she has a dick, right?"

"Uh-huh,” you replied.

"See, I think that might be a little gay."

at a phase in my life where when i get the sense a book is trying to offer me Representation (TM) i hiss and scream and start kicking and ripping bricks out of the wall. this character's Coherent Identity And Articulation Of Their Issues had Better fit in with the rest of the worldbuilding (it won't)

13K notes · View notes

hellomynameisbisexual · 4 years ago

Text

I’d go so far as to say that the nomination probably saved the site, in fact. For those who need a little background: despite being a small voluntary project the site was nominated for the 2014 Publication of the Year award by Stonewall, the UK’s largest LGBT charity, just nine months after its inception. This was a landmark step in Stonewall’s positive new direction on bi issues. To the best of my knowledge, this was the first time Stonewall had specifically nominated a specifically bi publication or organisation for an award. At this point my co-founder, who was taking care of the business side of things, had recently jumped ship and I was seriously considering packing the whole thing in. I won’t lie, I was astonished to read the email.

I’d worked on a publication which won the award under my editorship a few years previously. Unlike Biscuit, however, g3 magazine – at the time one of the two leading print mags for lesbian and bi women in the UK – had an estimated readership of 140,000, had been going for eight years and boasted full-time paid office staff and regular paid freelancers. Biscuit, by contrast, was being dragged along by one weary unpaid editor and a bunch of unpaid writers who understandably, for the most part, couldn’t commit to regularly submitting work.

Little Biscuit’s enormous competition for the award consisted of Buzzfeed, Attitude.co.uk, iNewspaper and Property Week. We didn’t win – that accolade went to iNewspaper – but the nomination was nevertheless, as I say, a huge catalyst to continue with the site. I launched a crowdfunder, which finished way off target. I sold one ad space, for two months. Then nothing. I attempted in vain to recruit a sales manager but nobody wanted to work on commission. Some wonderful writers came and went. There were periods of tumbleweed when I frantically had to fill the site with my own writing, thereby completely defeating the object of providing a platform for a wide range of bi voices.

The Stonewall Award nomination persuaded me to keep going with the site

The departure of the webmaster was another blow. Thankfully by this point I had a co-editor on board – the amazing Libby – so I was persuaded to stick with it. And here we are now. I don’t actually know where the next article is coming from. That’s not a good feeling. But, apart from for Biscuit, I try not to write for free anymore myself, so I understand exactly why that is. As a freelance journo trying to make a living I’ve had to be strict with myself about that. I regularly post on the “Stop Working For Free” Facebook group and often feel a pang of misplaced guilt because I ask my writers to write for free, even though I’m working on the site for free myself, and losing valuable time I could be spending on looking for paid work.

Biscuit hasn’t exactly been a stranger to controversy, in addition to its financial and staffing issues. Its original tagline – “for girls who like girls and boys” – was considered cis-centric by some, leading to accusations that the site had some kind of trans/genderqueer*-phobic agenda. Which was amusing, as at the height of this a) we’d just had two articles about non-binary issues published and b) I was actually engaged to a genderqueer partner, a fact they were clearly unaware of. Now the site is under fire from various pansexual activists who object to the term “bisexual”. To clarify – “girl and boys” was supposed to imply a spectrum and, no, we don’t think “bi” applies only to an attraction to binary folk. The site aims the main part of its content at female-spectrum readers attracted to more than one gender because this group does have specific needs. But there is something here for EVERYONE bisexual. Anyway, it’s a shame all of this gossip was relayed secondhand, and the people in question didn’t think to confront me about it (which at least the pan activists have bothered to do). We damage our community immeasurably with these kinds of Chinese whispers.

Biscuit ed Libby, being amazing

Whilst trying to keep the site afloat, I’ve also been building on the work I started right back when I edited g3, and trying to improve bi visibility in other media outlets. I’ve recently had articles published by Cosmopolitan, SheWired, The F-Word, GayStar News and Women Make Waves and I’m constantly emailing other sites which I’ve not yet written for with bi pitches. Unfortunately, although I am over the moon to be writing for mainstream outlets such as Cosmo about bi issues, it’s been an uphill struggle trying to persuade some editors out there that they have more readers to whom bi-interest stories apply than they might think. It’s an incredibly exhausting and frustrating process.

Libby and I are doing our best with Biscuit. I can’t guarantee that I would be doing anything at all with it if Libby hadn’t arrived on the scene, so once again I would like to mention how fabulous she is. But we desperately need more writers. We need some help with site design and tech issues. We need a hand with the business and sales side of things. We can’t do it without you. And if you know any rich bisexual heiresses who read Biscuit, please do send them our way. 😉

Grant Denkinson’s story

denkinsonpanel

Grant speaks on a panel chaired by Biscuit’s Lottie at a Bi Visibility Day event

So first of all, explain a little about the activism you’re involved/have been involved in.  

“I’ve been involved with bisexual community organising for a bit over 20 years. Some has been within community: writing for and editing our national newsletter, organising events for bisexuals and helping others with their events by running workshop sessions or offering services such as 1st aid. I’ve spoken to the media about bisexuality and organised bi contingents at LGBT Pride events (sometimes just me in a bi T-shirt!). I’ve helped organise and participated in bi activist weekends and trainings. I’ve help train professionals about bisexuality. I’ve also piped up about bisexuality a lot when organising within wider LGBT and gender and sexuality and relationship diversity umbrellas. I’ve been a supportive bi person on-line and in person for other bi folks. I’ve been out and visibly bi for some time. I’ve helped fund bi activists to meet, publish and travel. I’ve funded advertising for bi events. I’ve set up companies and charities for or including bi people. I’ve personally supported other bi activists.”

 What made you get involved?

“ In some ways I was looking for a way to be outside the norm and to make a difference and coming out as bi gave me something to push against. I’ve been less down on myself when feeling attacked. I’ve also found the bi community very welcoming and where I can be myself and so wanted to organise with friends and to give others a similar experience. There weren’t too many others already doing everything better than I could.”

How do you feel about the state of bi activism worldwide (esp UK and USA) at the moment?

“There have been great changes for same-sex attracted people legally and socially and these have happened quickly. Bi people have been involved with making that happen and benefit from it. We can also be hidden by gay advances or actively erased. We still have bi people not knowing many or any other local bi people, not seeing other bisexuals in the mainstream or LGT worlds and not knowing or being able to access community things with other bis. We are little represented in books or the media and people don’t know about the books and zines and magazines already available. The internet has made it easy to find like-minded people but also limited privacy and I think is really fragmented and siloed. It is hard to find bisexuals who aren’t women actors, harmful or fucked up men or women in pornography designed for straight men. We have persistent and high quality bi events but they are sparse and small.”

What’s causing you to feel disillusioned?

“I’m fed up of bi things just not happening if I don’t do them. Not everything should be in my style and voice and I shouldn’t be doing it all. I and other activists campaign for bi people to be more OK and don’t take care of ourselves enough while doing so. People are so convinced we don’t exist they don’t bother with a simple search that would find us. We have little resources while having some of the worst outcomes of any group. I don’t want to spend my entire life being the one person who reminds people about bisexuals, including our so-called allies. I’m not impressed with the problem resolution skills in our communities and while we talk about being welcoming I’m not sure we’re very effective at it. I’m fed up with mouthing the very basics and never getting into depth about bi lives and being one who supports but who is not supported. I’m all for lowering barriers but at a certain point if people don’t actively want to do bi community volunteering it won’t happen. Some people are great critics but build little.”

What do you want to say to other activists about this?

“Why are we doing this personally? I’m not sure we know. How long will we hope rather than do? Honestly, are there so few who care? Alternatively should we stop the trying to do bi stuff and either do some self-analysis, be happy to accept being what we are now as a community, chill out and just let stuff happen or give up and go and do something else instead.”

Patrick Richards-Fink’s story

085d4de So first of all, explain a little about the activism you’re involved/have been involved in.

“Mostly internet – I am a Label Warrior, a theorist and educator. Here’s how I described it on my blog: “One of the reasons that I am a bisexual activist rather than a more general queer activist is because I see every day people just like me being told they don’t belong. It doesn’t mean I don’t work on the basic issues that we all struggle against — homophobia, heterosexism, classism, out-of-control oligarchy, racism, misogyny, this list in in no particular order and is by no means comprehensive. But I have found that I can be most effective if I focus, work towards understanding the deep issues that drive the problems that affect people who identify the same way that I have ever since I started to understand who I am. I find that I’m not a community organizer type of activist or a storm the capitol with a petition in one hand and a bullhorn in the other activist — I’m much better at poring over studies and writing long wall-o’-text articles and occasionally presenting what I’ve gleaned to groups of students until my voice is so hoarse that I can barely do more than croak.” So internet, and when I was still in school, a lot of on-campus stuff. Now I’m moving into a new phase where my activism is more subtle – I’m working as a therapist, and so my social justice lens informs my treatment, especially of bi and trans people.”

What made you get involved?

“I can’t not be.”

How do you feel about the state of bi activism worldwide (esp UK and USA) at the moment?

“I feel like we made a couple strides, and every time that happens the attacks renewed. I hionestly think the constant attempts to divide the bisexual community into ‘good pansexuals’ and ‘bad bisexuals’ and ‘holy no-labels’ is the thing that’s most likely to screw us.”

What’s causing you to feel disillusioned?  

“It is literally everywhere I turn – colleges redefining bisexuality on their LGBT Center pages, news articles quoting how ‘Bi=2 and pan=all therefore pan=better’, everybloodywhere I turn I see it every day. The word bi is being taken out of the names of organisations now, by the next group of up-and-comers who haven’t bothered to learn their history and understand that if you erase our past, you take away our present. Celebrities come out as No Label, wtf is that. Don’t they make kids read 1984 anymore? It’s gotten to the point now that even seeing the word pansexual in print triggers me. I’m reaching the point now that if someone really wants to be offended when all I am trying to do is welcome them on board, then I don’t have time for it.”

What do you want to say to other activists about this?

“Stay strong, and don’t give them a goddamned inch. I honestly think that the bi organizations – even, truth be told, the one I am with – are enabling this level of bullshit by attempting to be conciliatory, saying things that end up reinforcing the idea that bi and pan are separate communities. We try to be too careful not to offend anyone. Like the thing about Freddie Mercury. Gay people say ‘He was gay.’ Bi people say ‘Um, begging your pardon, good sirs and madams and gentlefolk of other genders, but Freddie was bi.’ And they respond ‘DON’T GIVE HIM A LABEL HE DIDN’T CLAIM WAAHHH WAAHHH!’ And yet… Freddie Mercury never used the label ‘gay’, but it’s OK when they do it. And he WAS bisexual by any measure you want to use. But we back down. And 2.5% of the bisexual population decides pansexual is a better word, and instead of educating them, we add ‘pan’ to our organisation names and descriptions. Now, this is clearly a dissenting view – I will always be part of a united front where my organization is concerned. But everyone knows how I feel, and I think it’s totally valid to be loyal and in dissent at the same time. Not exactly a typically American viewpoint, but everyone says I’d be a lot more at home in Britain than I am here anyway.”

4 notes · View notes

dragonmagazine · 2 years ago

Text

I have 2 issues with this study:

1. Despite collecting data on the sex of the participants (question #1 on their survey, according to them), they don’t report on it. Specifically, who is bullying who is not broken down by sex, the data ONLY breaks it down to differentiate between ‘opposite-sex identify transgender’ and ‘non-binary’ students.

When they state that being bullied has a high correlation of being the bully later in adolescence, do they mean that boys who are bullied by other boys take it out on girls? Who knows? Despite acknowledging that “A considerable share of bullying among adolescents is of a sexual nature...” there’s no follow-up on how that impacts girls.

It’s like reading a paper about ‘domestic violence’ as if it’s a household scrum with equally distributed violence. When I read that they follow the ‘gender minority stress and resilience’ (GMSR) theory I knew they’d bury this lede, since the premise of the theory is that if/when trans people turn out to be rapists, murderers and dysfunctional assholes at a rate higher than the general population, it’s only because they’ve suffered so greatly. ‘Hurt people hurt people’ writ into academic theory.

2. They don’t attempt to corroborate the information provided with actual incidents of bullying. Self-reported data is hilariously inadequate, and the people who are primed to believe the world is against them are the most likely to report bullying, as well as being insufferable bullies themselves. Case in point... read any local school board’s report on bullying in North America (I’ve read several and found this consistently). In my experience, you’ll find that the most commonly reported bullying is supposedly done on the basis of religion, especially against Christians. Yes, that’s definitely what teens focus on. Who among us can forget the cruel chants of ‘Jesus lover!’ echoing through the hallways? It’s not that fundamentalist Christians are primed to believe they are on the verge of godless genocide, no, they are mocked for speaking God’s truth that everyone else is going to burn in hell for our lack of respect for their godly virtues. Once or twice you’ll see the same complaint from Muslim respondents, but strangely enough - this emerges only in areas where they form a significant portion of the population. We are expected to believe that the godless masses will target whatever religious groups they find, rather than examining bullying, and claims about bullying as less an act of interpersonal violence and evidence of social power struggles between competing groups.

Background: During adolescence, bullying often has a sexual content. Involvement in bullying as a bully, victim or both has been associated with a range of negative health outcomes. Transgender youth appear to face elevated rates of bullying in comparison to their mainstream peers. However, the involvement of transgender youth as perpetrators of bullying remains unclear in the recent literature. Objective: The aim of this study was to compare involvement in bullying between transgender and mainstream youth and among middle and late adolescents in a general population sample. Methods: Our study included 139,829 students in total, divided between a comprehensive school and an upper secondary education sample. Associations between gender identity and involvement in bullying were first studied using cross-tabulations with chi-square statistics. Logistic regression was used to study multivariate associations. Gender identity was used as the independent variable, with cisgender as the reference category. Subjection to and perpetration of bullying were entered each in turn as the dependent variable. Demographic factors, family characteristics, internalizing symptoms, externalizing behaviors, and involvement in bullying in the other role were added as confounding factors. Odds ratios (OR) with 95% confidence intervals (95% CI) are given. The limit for statistical significance was set at p < 0.001. Results: Both experiences of being bullied and perpetrating bullying were more commonly reported by transgender youth than by cisgender youth. Among transgender youth, all involvement in bullying was more commonly reported by non-binary youth than those identifying with the opposite sex. Logistic regression revealed that non-binary identity was most strongly associated with involvement in bullying, followed by opposite sex identity and cisgender identity. Transgender identities were also more strongly associated with perpetration of bullying than subjection to bullying.

Secondly, we found that transgender identity was generally associated with perpetrating bullying and that the association was stronger than that of transgender identity and being bullied. To the best of our knowledge, past research has not examined perpetration of bullying among gender minority youth, thus rendering comparisons to prior research impossible. In a study by Dank et al. (2014), however, it was reported that the few transgender young people in their study were the ones most likely to perpetrate dating violence among their sample.

Thirdly, non-binary identity was more strongly associated with involvement in bullying than opposite sex identity. Past research has found elevated rates of being subjected to bullying among youth (Lowry et al., 2020; van Beusekom et al., 2020) and transgender youth (Gower et al., 2018) who perceive themselves as more gender non-conforming (i.e., masculine females or feminine males) than youth with no such perception. Non-binary identifying youth particularly may display gender expression that does not conform to either masculine or feminine roles, and this may make them vulnerable to being bullied either due to simply being different from the mainstream, or as a result of heterosexist control. We found, however, that not only being bullied but also engaging in bullying was even more common among non-binary (perception of gender conforms to both or neither sex or it varies) than among opposite sex identifying youth.

"Non-binary" is just a new way to bully other people.

Trying to make people refer to you in stupid ways like, "schglie/schglem," at the threat of being called a bigot, is the modern day equivalent of making the kids in the playground bow and call you "the god of the jungle gym" at the threat of being beaten up.

When, unlike the playground, society has given you the power to actually carry out that threat, you're not "marginalized," you're the ruling class. (What's that "power plus" arithmetic again?)

Whenever you enter the room, people tense up. And you love it. Everybody pays attention to you and you steal the oxygen out of the room. You say it's about "being kind," but you and everyone else knows what you are, which means it's really about being in control.

So it's no wonder it attracts narcissists and bullies. Especially when it means you can be celebrated for a month for being completely unremarkable.

977 notes · View notes

jellypipemedia · 5 years ago

Text

Art Industry and Equality

The Artist Industry, an industry that lets self-expression come out in a number of mediums.

As an Artist myself, i can tell you how wonderful it has been to have a creative outlet like my multimedia. To express my ideas and watch the momentum of my work turn into something special. As many other Artists, it’s hard to find that validation and legitimacy in the industry that defines you as a professional and makes your career into more than a ‘hobby’. Some find that struggle more intense than others.

The idea that ‘All Artists have to struggle’ is a common ideology but beyond that- do all artists struggle in the same ways? Of course not. This could be combated with a number of different perspectives based off of different talent levels and different environments but commonly, artists are not given the same opportunities based off of more than just their talent. Different aspects come into play.

The Artist Industry has been known for their inclusive atmosphere and supportive community, but is it set apart from any other industry when it comes to addressing equality issues?

Misogyny/Trans-Misogyny , unequal opportunities based on gender, lack of recognition and the power struggle of legitimacy have all played their part in work industries all over- and the artist industry doesn’t escape that narrative.

A common theme that i find more than any other is women, queer, non-binary, and Fem artists struggle to find their power behind their art because they are usually dismissed, deemed illegitimate, or seen as ‘just a hobby’, or they could ‘make it a real job someday’. Their work isn’t given the credit it deserves or the recognition of legitimate work. Opportunities are missed quite often as work lays in favor of social stigmas and safe investments in uncomplicated people seem to flourish regularly.

Stewing over my thoughts on this, I reached out to my social media circle looking for more perspective on the situation. I was able to connect with a couple of people, ask them their thoughts on how these aspects of the industry have affected them on a professional level and their influence on the industry . I want to keep the dialogue going about this and would love to hear more about the perspective of women, queer, fem, non-binary artists on the industry that claims to be so inclusive.

With that being said, I had a great opportunity to talk with the Founder of ‘Siren Nation’. *

Diving into ‘Siren Nation’ media, I came across their ‘LinkedIn’ page. Their Mission Statement spoke to me and left me wanting to dig just a bit deeper into the foundation of their cause.

“Siren Nation is a unique arts organization that showcases and creates performance and exhibition opportunities for women throughout the year. We are the only women’s collective that produces an annual festival showcasing the original work of women working in music, film, performance and visual art.

Siren Nation’s mission is to inspire and empower women of all ages to create their own art and to highlight the many achievements of women in the arts.”

When I was connected with Natalia Kay O’brien, I didn’t know much about Siren Nation or where our conversation would lead too. I had an idea of where i wanted to take this project, not having much more than a foundation and urgency to keep learning more about the perspectives of women identifying, queer and non-binary.

So, I asked if she’d be willing to help me out by telling her story and giving us an insight on her perspective of the industry.

Natalia:

I'd be super happy to help! There's an amazingly rich queer music scene in Portland and the Pacific Northwest. That is a big part of the reason I moved out here!

From 1999-2010 i produced a lot of events that centered queer folx -some from out of town, some in town.

Jay:

Awesome! I appreciate that a lot about Portland and the PNW. I've grown up in Portland most of my life.

Natalia:

Lucky you!

Jay:

What are some of the events that you produced?

Natalia:

I started out doing house concerts for a spoken word artist out of NYC, then booking shows for/with traveling queer female artists i got connected with over time. I ended up doing the booking for mississippi pizza for a couple of years and got some more experience there producing shows--generally national folk acts--and booking artists. That helped me begin to get more familiar with the local music scene and get introduced to some amazing artists like Laura Gibson, long before they broke out.

My experience and frustration, with the local music scene's dearth of female and queer presence and opportunities to get the kind of exposure that festivals offer, inspired me to found Siren Nation, an organization dedicated to promoting and empowering women artists.

As a queer woman I made sure that there was a strong queer presence during my tenure. We were supposed to have ‘Gossip’ headline the first festival and 3 weeks beforehand they broke their contract!

The seven years I spent with Siren Nation exposed me to new queer artists. Unfortunately, at that time, there was no such thing (in terms of identity) as nonbinary, and we didn't put enough effort into be trans inclusive. We produced, and they still do, 2 tribute nights, one for dolly parton, one for billie holiday, that have been happening annually for something going on 15 years! and then the annual festival, in november, which i produced from 2007-2010.

Jay:

That's absolutely awesome that you contributed so much to the queer/fem community. I know how intensely hard it can be to demand that recognition and be seen as legitimate in the eyes of the world. It's no small thing. Can you give me an example of a time where you’ve experienced misogyny/trans-misogyny that directly affected your work as an artist?

Natalia:

I was tired of not seeing enough women and women-fronted acts on local festival lineups when there were SO MANY amazing female bands. My work as an artist (visual) has been almost entirely a private endeavor. however i do think there is a correlation between the fact that i considered my drawing 'doodling' and i'm a woman. I made art for years before I took on the identity and claimed it. I still squirm a little.

Jay:

I can totally understand that. I deeply feel like the accomplishments of women are often made out to be 'A nice hobby' or 'could be a job someday.'

Natalia:

Yes, exactly.

I can tell you as a booking agent for queer female artists in an industry that is heavily male, did not make for the most hospitable environment to work in. Getting club bookers to book an artist whose press kit screams 'radical feminist lesbian" let alone that she was doing spoken word which was just emerging...well, ultimately all they cared about was whether we could fill a room. There were some venues that didn't want to deal with us, in more conservative parts of the country, i.e. midwest and southeast.

I think trans-misogyny was unfortunately a little baked into Siren Nation in the sense that trans women have remained almost invisible within that space. Not enough queers involved with siren nation after I left!

So I tackled showcasing as many media as possible--music, film, visual arts and later fashion and comedy.”

Jay:

That's a powerful tool in today's world too. Being someone who is involved in a variety of media ( myself as well) is a powerful weapon to today's world of perspective. We have a lot more influence than people credit us for. Have you been affected by any people that are positive influencers in the queer community/have given inspiration to you personally?

Natalia:

The artists inspire me!! That's part of why I produced events because I truly believe in the artists and want to help them connect with a larger audience and want people to get exposed! Bands like Team Dresch, who really blazed trails for queer women punks, all around the country at a time when there was virtually no queer presence in media. Beth Ditto and Gossip, for being fearlessly brash, unashamedly fat, and a force! Women who were unafraid to be loud when it wasn't the norm yet--Sleater Kinney, Bikini Kill too!--inspired me and they were tackling issues that I cared about as a feminist in ways that I didn't see straight women doing.

I will never ever forget seeing Bikini Kill and Kathleen Hannah telling all the 'boys to go to the back'. It blew my mind having stopped moshing b/c it wasn't safe and she demanded and created that space

Jay:

I can definitely vouch for queer punk artists being a heavy influence in the queer community and causing pressure on 'social norms'! It's very empowering and the women in the scene are not a force to be reckoned with. It's still astonishing how such a positive and empowering movement got met with so much resistance.

Natalia:

Kinda like what I wanted to do with Siren Nation. Yeah, some people can't handle a strong woman especially if she is in any way not gender/hetero conforming.

Jay:

I'm sure Siren Nation impacted a lot of people to be the ferocious and powerful people they knew they were.

Natalia:

I hope so!! I know it was a space where, for example, at the tribute shows, artists got to meet and mingle backstage, and spontaneous collaborations would happen.

Jay:

That's the best part of festivals in general. Bring artists from all over and to create that opportunity for networking and creativity.

Natalia:

Right!??!

Practically every female artist who has broken out nationally performed at Siren Nation at some point and offering free workshops was an important way for us to empower and encourage women to create and make their own art.

Jay:

That's awesome! Does Siren Nation still have a website that I can reference too?

Natalia:

Yup! Sirennation.org

As an audience, I found festivals an amazing opportunity to get exposed to new artists.

Most of the language there that is about the organization, like mission statements and values, is mine.

Jay:

So why have you decided not to produce events for Siren Nation more recently? or does the organization take care of itself nowadays?

Natalia:

I left in 2010 because i was pursuing a masters degree, basically decided to pour all the hours and energy i had put into siren nation into a degree that would get me a salary for doing that kind of work. My co-founder December Carson has stayed at the helm and kept it going all these years. There are some longtime volunteers who help at events.

My dream that someday it could be a salaried job I finally realized was not going to be feasible

Jay:

That's a positive transition out of the organization tho! Did you get your master's degree?

Natalia:

Yes! It helped to know that it would carry on after I left, because it was my baby and I was very attached! It has thrived over the years due to the dedication of the board members who make it happen. New blood comes in, and then they add fashion and comedy. It's been neat to see how it has evolved over the years and yes, I got my Masters, in Public Administration.

Jay:

That's so so so good to hear Thank you so much for talking with me today- you have really been insightful and this is truly very inspirational to hear as a queer woman in the multimedia industry!

With ending our conversation, I felt like I made a breakthrough on what direction I wanted to take this project and found the encouragement to keep pushing through the media and highlight these amazing women, non-binary, and queer people.

We lack recognition for being who we are while we make it in this industry. We struggle and fight back - gaining ground and getting traction.

I’m excited to see where this project takes me and I'm glad to have you all on this journey. Stay alert for more to come!

#Art Industry #art #journalism #punk #punkscene #inequality #queer #trans #woman #women

2 notes · View notes

thisiswhymomworries · 6 years ago

Note

How did you figure out you're a man? Gender is confusing

gender is very confusing, and I just dogpaddled in this great big Confusion Ocean toward anything that made me happy

I started out by realizing that even though wearing makeup and dresses and heels made me look very pretty and that validation made me happy, I was only happy about other people responding positively. it didn’t make me happy on its own, and was actually a huge pain to do every day

so I went more “butch” and eventually started buying clothes out of the boy’s section, and that DID make me happy. to the point that I started only wearing those and stopped wearing makeup entirely

then being called she, her, anything about being a woman, started to feel really wrong and aggravating, even though I’d spent years IDing as non-binary (knowing I am Not a woman is one of the few solid facts I’ve known about myself for sure, but I went to the non-binary label before trans male) and not caring or feeling bad / dysphoric about it

idk why that changed. maybe because I just started being more open with myself about what I really wanted, and I’d also sort of “proven” to myself that I *could be* beautiful and attractive as a femme-presenting person, which was important bc my entire childhood was about how ugly and weird I was, so I guess I just needed to reverse that in my mind before I could move forward with anything else

but then once I had learned how to dress fashionably and apply makeup well and “look pretty,” my brain was like “OK we accomplished that Fuck You so we’re totally done with that now” and suddenly it just wasn’t fun anymore ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

then I went through months of reacting very badly inside my own head every time someone misgendered me as female (before, thinking I was non-binary, I personally was just sort of resigned to the fact that no one would ever realize I was nb without me telling them, and it was “fair” for them to assume I was female, so it didn’t really bother me toooo much or feel like misgendering, but whoo boy did THAT change)

and also during those same Bad Months, struggling over whether I could still be happy IDing as non-binary, and just because I Was Not Female, that didn’t necessarily make me male, but also I liked wearing boy’s clothes and the thought of being a boy made me really happy and I started dreaming that I was a boy and one time my boss told me I was “a gentleman and a scholar” as just a silly joke but my dopamine receptors latched onto the word “gentleman” for like a week of happiness, soooo

I just started doing anything that would make me happy and dropping the things that didn’t. getting a binder made me happy, buying all boy’s clothes for my whole wardrobe has made me happy, and eventually I decided using he/him pronouns would make me happier than they/them pronouns

I’ve also been in therapy for the last several months specifically to have someone to talk to about this stuff, mostly just as a sounding board and someone to listen while I figure out how to verbalize my feelings, because that’s helped me understand WHAT I’m feeling a lot. I also went through a leadership program at my local equality center that let me test out using he/him pronouns and joined a transgender support group where I’ve made friends and also talked about it all!

as for non-binary vs trans male, I eventually realized the actually important part is that I’m Not Female. right now, at this moment, I’m happiER using he/him pronouns and being a trans male. maybe that’s because it’s “easier” in a way because I didn’t have to explain much while coming out at work and he/him is more common than they/them. maybe one day I’ll realize that being binary-male doesn’t quite fit and I’m more demi-boy or even go back to non-binary

but RIGHT NOW, it does make me happy and is easy and safe (at work, with my friends, and with my mother; I am very very lucky) to use that label. since I’m never going to wake up and feel like a cis woman, because I never have in my life so I see no reason for that to be fluid or change, there’s no point in clinging to it when something else could make me happy. and even if I do need to switch to non-binary, that’s not any LESS trans. that’s not like basically a girl. my cis coworkers would still consider me different from them and would still need to get used to new pronouns and a new appearance, so holding back on IDing as a trans male just because I’m not 100% certain I’m a MAN sometimes doesn’t make sense

so that’s how I ended up making the jump to declaring I’m a man, even though it took a really long time and I have doubts sometimes. that’s all OK, and I’m just going to do whatever I need to so I can be happy and live my best life, and so should you <3

#trans #transgender #ftm #ask #anon #answered

27 notes · View notes

spectraspecs-writes · 5 years ago

Text

Brief Trans thingy from a (technically) trans person. Edit after the fact: I’m sorry, but this is not brief.

I talk with my mom about trans stuff a lot. She’s in her sixties and wants to understand simply because a.) it’s me and it’s important to me b.) it comes up in the news a bit and she gets confused. Recently she read an article about a non-binary person who now has a difficult relationship with Harry Potter. Harry Potter kept them from suicide. Which mom thought was very sweet and she liked reading the article. Where she struggled was with this person’s identity. The writer of the article was AMAB, but felt more aligned with femininity, took estrogen, and all around presented as a woman. But used they/them pronouns. Mom couldn’t understand why you would go to that much trouble to present as female but still go by they/them. “It just brings the problem up again that you’re not really a girl.”

Let me say this before going further. My mom is not transphobic. It might sound that way if you don’t know her and just hear her words but she’s not. She first looks at it biologically, because she’s autistic and a former nurse, that trans women can never be women. Meaning, trans women can never be female. But she’s not about to say they shouldn’t be in women’s spaces or call them men. On the level we all care about, she is accepting of trans people as the gender they say they are. Example: I talked about my friend Chris a lot before I actually brought him home. Chris is a demiboy - hi Chris, I know you’re here. And it took me a bit but I was able to fully refer to Chris by his preferred pronouns consistently. My parents therefore also referred to him with those pronouns, not knowing he ever had any others. When he came over, my mom noted that his voice is more... feminine. She didn’t even think trans, she thought “hmm. He must be smart to be in college when he hasn’t even gone through puberty yet.” Dad even asked mom in a whisper “is Chris short for a Christopher or Christina?” They were just confused. But that didn’t stop them from going “okay, Chris is a boy and that’s what matters. We are confused, but Chris is a boy.” Now that mom knows the score, she will often mention Chris in her questions as an example we both know. (Often in sexuality questions - for example, if Chris goes out with a girl is that straight or gay? It’s straight, but also queer. You can see why an Aspie would get confused. I had the same question a while ago.) To reiterate, Mom doesn’t care if a person is trans. They should go where they feel most comfortable. She might say things to me that are accidentally transphobic, but I tell her about it and she would never actually say them to another trans person. If she did, I would explain to the trans person in question and to my mom that it came out wrong and tell her why. We’re autistic. We much prefer to be told about our mistakes and how to correct them.

Anyway. She kept asking me “why go by they/them if you present as female?” And I told her “because she/her could hurt.” As a nurse she know how to respond to hurt. How do we stop the hurt? And in the case of this person, stopping the hurt is going by they/them. But mom wants to address the root of the hurt, not be palliative about it. She wants to know how to make she/her stop hurting, when it can’t. It’s not that kind of hurt. I ended up coming up with a metaphor, after all of my gender visualizations fell flat.

Let’s say you have a great job lined up in Kansas City. You have an apartment there, everything is set up for you to go to Kansas City. So you leave, going from St. Louis to Kansas City. On the way you stop off in Jefferson City. Jefferson City is great! You love Jefferson City! You have so much fun on your brief stop in Jefferson City. But you have to keep going, you have to see Kansas City, things are waiting for you there.

But when you get to Kansas City... you don’t like it. The job is fine, the apartment is fine, but you just... don’t like it. “Why don’t you like it?” She asks. I don’t know, that’s different from person to person. Maybe the aquarium isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Maybe the people are impolite. Maybe it just doesn’t vibe with you. But you can either stay unhappy in Kansas City, where things are certain. Which some people do for a while. Or you can start over in Jefferson City. Things will be new and uncertain, but you already know you love it. Sometimes being trans is going all the way to Kansas City and staying there. Sometimes you get to Jefferson City and decide screw Kansas City I’m going to stay here. And sometimes being trans is going all the way and deciding it’s not for you, so you go back. And maybe you don’t go all the way. Maybe you stop somewhere between Kansas City and Jefferson City, in some little nowhere town, because it makes you happy beyond words to be there. And the metaphor continues on. Cis people are happy to stay in St. Louis. Maybe they’ve explored elsewhere but found St. Louis is the best place for them. I’m genderfluid. St. Louis is fine but I like to get on a bus now and then.

The metaphor worked. But the question come up again. “So she’s happy in Jefferson City. Why does she care if other people know she’s there? She looks like she’s from Kansas City, why not say she is?” Still misgendering solely out of confusion. “Why use they/them if you’re happy looking like a girl?” And I finally was able to tell her, in a pride event or a safe place, this is what they prefer. This is what makes them happy. They are so proud of finding the best place, they are so proud of living in Jefferson City. But some people don’t accept that. Some people think it’s stupid. Some people, upon hearing the mere hint of transness, will lash out and even be violent. They would prefer to go by they/them, but if they don’t feel safe, they will accept being misgendered. They will accept Kansas City merch if it keeps them safe. But wherever they can, if they feel safe about it, they will tell people about their journey to Jefferson City. They’ll tell them all about the landmarks, the museums, the local cuisine, that one burger joint you should never go to. They appreciate Jefferson City guidebooks.

Dysphoria comes into play, too. Some people absolutely hate that they look like they’re from St. Louis. They want to be associated with Kansas City at all costs. They’ve thrown out all their Cardinals merch - it’s the Royals or nothing! Some are cool with it sometimes and not at others. Some like myself don’t mind it at all. St. Louis is still a part of them, and it was fun while it lasted. They still like the Cardinals but they cheer for the Royals too. And when they play each other - well, I can’t take the metaphor there. And euphoria! You tolerate Cardinals merch but when someone gives you a Royals shirt you wear it all the time!! Kansas City stickers make you so excited!

I don’t remember where I was going with this. But either way I think I stumbled into a great metaphor.

#trans #transgender

1 note · View note

dancing-on-the-backside-of-sky · 5 years ago

Text

Path to coming out

In light of Pride month, starting this blog by sharing my story: I am 23 and identify as non-binary. Pronouns they/them where usable.

Took a long time getting there – in fact, I only realized about 2 years ago. Thank you Rick Riordan at this point, for having Alex Fierro introduce me to a genderqueer not-trans world. Being from a not english speaking country that only recognized a gender option out of male/female last year, I've lacked terms for how I felt all my life.

There was kindergarden, a catholic one that had playcorners divided between boys and girls, not allowing to participate in the opposite ones activities – I spend a lot of time doing creative things with free teachers, refusing to obey the system. I hid a lot in corners during outdoor playtime, to escape the other kids expectations. The first carnival I was coerced into doing an costume fitting my assigned gender and very quickly came to the conclusion that I'd never again do anything but neutral ones. Just didn't felt right.

Elementary was better because it lacked that strict division, but clothes started to play more of a role. I cried more than once at the hairdresser because I'd not get it the length I want since parents and workers agreed it wouldn't be proper. Being rather shy and obedient meant it never occurred to me to take the matter upon myself. Family celebrations were a nightmare, for wearing clothes I was uncomfortable in, even if it was only for a couple hours. No one understood because I lacked words to describe the why. Friends-wise, I migrated towards the opposite gender here, tried very hard to be accepted in and found some who didn't care as long as we had fun together.

We moved halfway across the country just before I went into middle school, so I lost all social connections. Also had the bad luck of being sorted into a horror class, with a boy to girl ratio of 4:1, kids from two different elementary schools thrown together and a collection of trouble makers. A general nightmare where me, the new and odd one, couldn't connect, soon leading to me being the target of bullying from nearly everyone. I got ridiculed for not wearing the same clothing style as others. Sport had me horrified, I was afraid of anyone coming close to me and would rather change clothes in the toilet than with everyone else. Puberty changes were bad, I did not want it happening and hated every unpredictable step of it. Again, lack of words to explain myself – we were a very media-restricted family, I didn't got to use the internet until I was 16 and bought my own laptop.

Coming highschool I was thankfully able to switch classes and got into one with nice people, that I now shunned due to bad experiences. I just wanted school to be over. Due to a couple other issues happening in the previous years, I also struggled to decide on a career, hadn't thought about that at all before. Everyone talked about having to look professional to get a good chance, so once more I had little choices in presentations.

Long story short I went into a generic sales apprenticeship as it seemed a sensible choice, where due to customer contact I had to maintain the professional attire I'd faked to get it. Moving out at least meant I gathered self-confidence and independence (my family has always been helpful and supportive, but I had to make my own experiences). The last day of apprenticeship I finally cut my hair the way I wanted, this time getting 'funny' comments from coworkers. The job after had me have no more customer contact, so I could experiment more and grow confident in a style that better fit me, much to the irritation of my family. Switched jobs after only half a year due to other reasons, now I am working in an untrained position till I can start studying – a dream and a passion I hadn't dared to try earlier.

Today I am partly out to my family, have a local LGBT+ support group, I have plenty accepting friends found through common interests, I care less about what people think. I am in the progress of getting my gender marker and name legally changed. There still is a road to go.

But sometimes I wish I'd been more rebellious as a kid, at having breakdowns, being loud and angry over what I wanted – maybe then someone would've noticed, given advice, looked closer and provided me with the terms to explain myself. Even 'trans' would've been an improvement to feeling miserable for no reason, to the point of guessing that I was autistic for all that 'I am on the wrong planet' feeling.

For all you out there, I wish the best for the future. Have hope. Speak up, for yourself and others.

#pride month #coming out #nonbinary #bullying #lgbt

1 note · View note

girlsbtrs · 8 years ago

Text

“It’s Such an Intense Boy’s Club”: Cole Becker (SWMRS) on the State of the Music Industry

DISCLAIMER: This article was written August 5, 2017. As we reflect on events concerning SWMRS and Joey Armstrong, we want to make it clear that we stand by Lydia, believe her allegations and want SWMRS to be held accountable for their actions. We apologize that we helped perpetuate a narrative in which people felt SWMRS was a safe space for women in the industry, and from here on out we will be taking further steps to ensure the safety of young women/non-men on our Roadie For A Day program, including requiring a GBTRS rep on each tour we partner with. To any and all victims, we apologize for the hurt this has caused and hope that in the future we can ensure safety in our programming.

The SWMRS front man gets real about the need for activism and looks to a better future.

Punk is more than a style of dress or a type of music. It’s an attitude, and as I sit across from Cole Becker, I get the sense that he is someone who truly embodies what it means to be punk.

My immediate impression of Cole was the strong juxtaposition in his “hard, fast, loud” stage presence with his calm, warm demeanor during our chat. Cole is the front man of the Oakland, California-based band SWMRS, who are known for being outspoken about creating safe, inclusive spaces at their shows. They use their platform to speak out against rampant misogyny and sexism in the male-dominant music industry, and that, my friends, is incredibly punk rock.

Check out all of the wonderful, progressive takes that Cole has about the state of the music industry, while also looking at steps towards a better future in our exclusive interview:

So as you know, I help run a female-centric organization that aims to level the playing field for women in the industry, so I wanted to start off by asking what it means to you to have diverse women represented in the music industry?

It means everything. I think it’s one of those things where a lot of people are ready to talk and say they’re ready for it, but I think it’s a big challenge to really integrate those jobs and start leveling the playing field because I think there’s a lot of subliminal factors that go into hiring.

I think that the fact that we’re having this conversation is really important, but it’s going to be a while. I want it to go faster, but there’s a bunch of different factors at play that are really challenging obstacles, just because of the way that our patriarchal society works.

So what do you feel like your role as a band (and also as an individual) is in keeping up this dialogue?

I think like as a band, especially as we get into a more professional realm as employers -- and as people who run, on one hand an artistic outlet, but on the other hand a business -- making sure that we’re giving the opportunity to young women who have the qualifications to offset the societal setbacks to getting there.

Are there any current women that you have been listening to or following in the music industry?

Angel Olsen is my favorite record out… and then my friend Ebonie is an engineer at Atlantic Studios… [and she] runs a media source and a camp for girls to learn how to be audio engineers because she says… as a singer and a producer, that’s opened up so much more freedom for her.

I definitely want to check that out, because sound engineering -- there’s definitely a huge gender gap.

One of my girlfriend’s friend’s moms is the editor for like some big TV show, and it’s a very similar world…. There’s this weird thing where like -- I mean I’ve never experienced it so I can’t talk about it as well as a like woman who has experienced it has -- where they tell you, “Oh well you need to speak up more and ask for what you want,” but then when you do, it’s like, “Oh, you’re asking too much.”

Yeah I know exactly what you’re talking about. That’s interesting. I don’t know that much about the TV world.

Yeah but it’s the same thing in music too… it’s just like all the people I know that do music are white dudes… I think a lot of bands have all white all male crews because that’s just what they’re comfortable around. And so that’s a huge thing to overcome: how you make sure that they have shared experience with women too -- and it’s such an intense boys club… I think it comes from being insecure about our masculinity.

I also wanted to talk about the term “fangirl” a little bit, just because it’s kind of used in a discriminatory way. So what are your thoughts about that?

I mean, I think that I just don’t know another word to describe the phenomenon … I do think we need to reevaluate the negative connotation we put on it, because to have young people, like boys or girls or non-binary kids, that are that excited about something -- that’s fucking beautiful. That’s something so amazing and pure, and like, at least they care about something, you know? They haven’t been marred by this fucking terrible, apathetic world we live in, and they have something real that they can hold on to and be and love, and I think that’s so admirable, and I wish I loved something that much … and I do, I’m a fangirl about music, you know?

Absolutely, and I think it’s interesting because I think it’s kind of come up in discussion again. I don’t know if you read the Harry Styles Rolling Stone…

Exactly… that dude’s a legend … somebody who has such an intimate and unique relationship with the teenage girls of the world -- for him to come out and say that just validates so many people and that’s a very special thing that he did. When you refer to it negatively, you’re assuming moral high ground.

You guys are known for really championing creating safe spaces at your shows, which I think is a really cool thing. So what kind of a reaction have you gotten from fans both on and offstage about that?

I mean it’s all positive. It’s cool. The strangest thing is, I’m an upper-middle class white kid, heterosexual, cis-gendered male from a suburb of Oakland, California. To be able to create a space where I see people that I have little to no ostensible common experience with, connect with the music and be able to feel as free as I do in the space where we’re making music and sharing it with them -- that’s really special.

Also -- “safe space” has become something that is losing its specificity, so I’ve been trying really hard to make sure that I’m engaging them in not just claiming it to be a safe space, but getting them involved in making it a safe space when we play. So instead of just outright saying “this is a safe space,” I always try to say like “hey, we can’t keep it safe unless you all are helping us… have your eyes out because we can’t see everything from stage.”

Have you noticed a difference in the dynamic at your shows before and after the election, or has it kind of been the same pretty much?

It’s become just more and more honest, in a way. I think now more than ever, people don’t have a place they can go to and just be totally in the moment and feel something good and deep and powerful, and I think live music can transport people to that.

But I think there’s so much feelings of anger and sadness and fear among kids who sincerely don’t know whether their parents are going to get deported or whether they’re going to have health care or this and that… To have just one half-hour moment where they don’t have to think about anything other than being there and feeling something good -- I’ve noticed that their connection to the music has gotten stronger…. It’s a bit of a selfish reaping of the terrible, terrible circumstances we’re in.

But I feel like it’s a collectively beneficial moment too.

Yeah I think it’s reminded me that music is something that is very powerful and pure and beautiful, and it put more faith in my belief in what I do… it makes me prouder and prouder every day because I have a space -- and to be able to make that place for somebody.

So just to kind of bring up some stats, only 5% of top executives in the industry are women, and of course women of color, trans women, all other marginalized groups face an even greater struggle. So what are your thoughts on the importance of representation, and what does that look like to you?

I mean representation -- that’s huge... For me, as somebody who just doesn’t identify with that much heteronormative culture, I don’t look at executives and see like, “Oh, that’s what I want to do,” you know?

Because it’s a very masculine, golf-centric type of feel, and so to have diversity, not just visually, but of style -- I think that’s huge. But beyond that, I think education is the biggest step, you know? Like putting more resources towards getting girls involved -- like young women and young trans women and young women of color -- involved in music on just a basic level where they feel encouraged and validated to be part of the industry.

To wrap things up, are there any other local bands that you want to shout out?

Yeah! Shoutout to Destroy Boys. They are my -- our little sisters, who write really badass punk songs… Mt. Eddy -- very proud of those little dudes. Ricky Lake is my friend. He’s like an art rapper. Same Girls, which is Taifa’s band. And, gotta shoutout to Plush too. The last two are mellow shoegaze bands but I like them. They’re great people.

- article by Jess George

#artist interview #jess george

1 note · View note

chaseagainstonision · 6 years ago

Text

asks pt. 2

As a continuation from this post, I wanted to address the asks that I got following my answers.

If you mean that time that she put on a charcoal mask, then that’s not blackface. Most charcoal masks are black. Either way, I still don’t keep up with Blaire and I’m not really all that invested in her outside of the Gerg drama. I don’t watch her content and don’t look into her social media. I’m still neutral on her and I don’t intend to change that stance since I don’t honestly care much about her one way or another.

Lumping all of these together because I can. Look, guys, I’m not going to call someone bun because those are their pronouns. There’s a whole ass list of genders over on MogaiWiki that have to do with animals, fictional characters, and more. While I generally would let fictionkin people do their own thing (mostly because that’s pretty harmless), I have to draw a line somewhere and that line is with these weird ass genders. What with the damage that they do to actual LGBT+ struggles and a lot of people discredit the LGBT+ community because of it. Again, there is a lot I can put up with in the trans/non binary community. And I’m only narrowing this down to America/the US, at this point, and this hellsite Tumblr, specifically. I know that other cultures have different genders like two-spirit for some native tribes, for example, but I’m not focusing on that kinda thing. According to this page on the Nonbinary wiki, some of the listed pronouns were just used for fiction or made up on this fucking hellsite, while others predate the internet and that’s fine. Though some pronouns were made up to troll. Especially a decent amount that were through up in the earlier days of Tumblr and it’s ties to gender identity. If there are pronouns that people want to use that originate from this hellsite, I’m less inclined to use it. Some pronouns that date back before Tumblr, I’ll respect and, sure, I’ll use them if someone asked me to. But if your gender identity is just a normal ass feeling that everyone else has, that I find that 1) insulting and 2) prob’ly won’t use it. I’m sure that if you walked into your local gayborhood, you would prob’ly get laughed at for using water as your gender. I’m all for exploring your gender and sexuality, but don’t in a meaningful and productive way rather than thinking that Snufkin from Moomin is now your gender unironically. This is why people think trans people are transtrenders. People see fucking “Gaesploof” and think that it’s dumb and that, clearly, all trans people must think that this is okay and then assume that trans people aren’t worth their time. Or other non binary people. This hurts the community. And if you don’t think so, then I’m sorry, but it’s the truth. ALSO: You do need to have dysphoria to be trans. Maybe not necessarily non binary (that is a rather large topic), but absolutely trans. The whole point of being trans is that you’ll transition eventually and if you don’t have dysphoria before you transition, boy, will you have it after and regret it. You need to get it diagnosed from a doctor and then start on either T or E and then transition. That’s literally what the trans part of transgender means.

#gender #I guess I'll toss it in the tags #onision #I'm a glutton for punishment and drama

20 notes · View notes