#lol hope my conclusions abt them make sense to more than just me. like i love them so much that theyre mine to me and i move at a slow pace

[skitskatdacat63]

hi hello!! I will be predictable :D vettonso? and also maybe sebson?🤭

Hallo Grace!! Aaaahh two of my ultimate favs 🥹

Vettonso:

Okay I think we all know at this point my feelings on vettonso.....My beloved, my favs, my little dolls to play around with, my forever ship, my muse, etc etc. Lmao tho I do agree w you said in your answer to me, that I feel obviously more invested in my AUs of them atp, but that's not to say I don't like the canon! The canon for me is just desperately searching for any footage/pics of them and being peak derangement abt it and making a whole narrative. Yeah I'm very normal about them. Also yeah, i like the ship itself, but I'm not a very romantic person so I think I often care more about the implications and how they relate to each other, and that kinda thing, if that makes sense? I care deeply abt them, but yknow make a lot of AUs, and the most fun I have is often trying to fit their narrative into different environments! One day I'll draw more shippy stuff I swear 🤧🤧 They are just perfect to me :)

Sebson:

One of my first loves 🥹🥹 I still really love them aaaahhh!!!! They're just so soft and fluffy and comforting to me!!! Obligatory Solar Flare mention. But yeah it's hard, just like the other ship above, to articulate my thoughts about them that isn't just screaming. It's just so fun to look at all the content along the years and see how they gravitate towards each other. To me, they're the 21st century blueprint for emotional support rivals 🥹🥹 Also, sending them to superhell for the amount of insane things they've done in public.

[shoichee]

ALSO CAN I ASK FOR SOME RANDOM GOM HCS U HAVE? like just random ones u have or if u want like some toxic hcs abt them :D

I’m assuming that I can include their negative traits of their personalities as well 👀 Also including Momoi in this… lots of analyzing for this hc, so I used my brain here pls appreciate AGAIN these are all headcanons/interpretations of possible toxic hcs about them and only a few are canon

[Headcanons]

Kuroko Tetsuya

Kuroko is the hardest person to find a “negative/toxic” trait in, and it doesn’t seem like he has any

kind, understanding, hardworking, and compassionate; he’s everything a good-natured protagonist is

but he’s only like this to people/hobbies he cares about/close with; anything else he’s quite apathetic and also very passive/neutral about

the biggest hint to this is when Akashi criticizes Kuroko for cherry-picking who the GoMs should “go all out against” and who to casually toy with

and Akashi is absolutely correct

most of the series is portrayed through Kuroko’s perspective, and Akashi is the first direct outside perspective who comments on his actions/attitude

it’s obviously not that Kuroko didn’t “notice”... he clearly sees and knows what these GoMs are doing; after all, he had a conversation with Aomine about how observant he is to everything around him

of course, if you were close to him, all your opinions and issues matter to him

it’s the fact that what’s not really important to him is suddenly now important just because someone he knows is involved

just an example: if someone was advocating climate change, he has no opinion on it until someone he knows cares about the issue

in other words, he has a subtle hypocritical view on things, especially when he interacts with others

another clear negative trait could be that he’s too idealistic or perhaps naive, seeing things in a clear black-or-white picture and not necessarily a gray area

WE know, as an audience, that the GoMs honestly needed therapy and a proper adult to guide their out-of-control talents

but Kuroko, in his eyes, had viewed them as “bad” and “evil” in their ways of basketball until they changed after their respective matches

he’s probably someone who doesn’t yield to other opinions once he forms his own, and this may make him unable to consider things in other people’s perspectives

which is again, ironic: someone who doesn’t have generally a strong stance but once they do, it’s very unyielding, which further proves Akashi’s comment about Kuroko’s tendency to nitpick which to care about

a final hc about a potential flaw he might have here in a different ask!

Kise Ryota

y’all… it’s as canon as day that he has a mean side

straight from the author himself, it’s confirmed that Kise is only kind to those who he respects, and to the rest, he’s cold-hearted

in the manga, it’s very clear that he’s super judgmental on every first impression on people he meets, boxing them into categories based on the way they look, act, and speak

only when they surpass his preset expectations (low or high depends on his preliminary judgments of them) is when he opens his mind to the rest of their personality

this is a very close-minded way of thinking, and I hope I don’t need to explain why LOL

this can be interpreted as him being two-faced by the majority of the people in his school

his way of speaking can definitely be very cruel and crass, and to sensitive people, his words can easily shatter hearts

Kise’s negative/toxic traits are pretty straightforward here, so let’s move on

Midorima Shintarou

his harsh words can be considered a “negative” part of his personality, but I think it’s a lot more than just that

it’s confirmed in the series that he’s a bystander and almost always minds his own business

on one hand, one can say he’s self-driven and that he constantly strives for self-improvement

on the other, it can be interpreted as him being very dangerously ambitious and selfish, in which most actions he takes are for the sole reason of self-improvement and not for altruistic reasons

for example, when he helped Kuroko and Kagami in the training camp, it was under the reasoning that them becoming stronger would be a good challenge for himself to test and learn

that’s not to say that he can’t have friends, but most friendships he’s built are with capable people who can potentially provide him with some new beneficial skill/goal to strive towards

after all, he’s only learned to trust Takao as a friend only after seeing him as someone capable

because he’s so focused on himself, he’s extremely likely to turn a blind eye to injustice, most also likely to use Oha Asa to justify their “misfortunes” as he continues on his day

he’s not cold-hearted, but altruism comes by Midorima a lot rarer than the average person

now, we know that his Oha Asa aspect is used to balance his serious side as the “comedic side” of him, but if we really think about it, his obsessions with the horoscopes could be a huge obstacle in the future, where he may refuse to listen/depend on others in favor of his own intuition and the stars; after all, no one knows everything, and depending on the stars as one’s next source of advice and guidance isn’t a sound decision to commit themselves to

he seems like the person who overthinks and jumps to conclusions when it comes to social situations, but instead of confronting the person, he turns to fate and fortune if Takao isn’t near to help

Aomine Daiki

I wouldn’t be surprised if Aomine had a skewed sense of beauty standards from all those magazines he consumed and from being around Momoi for the majority of his life

of course anyone can distinguish pieces of media from reality, but during the most impressionable years of life, without experiencing other types of people and physiques, he would have limited knowledge on what “beauty” is and whatnot

this probably would be more of a problem in his adolescence than adult

a very given negative trait is his short temper plus his tendency to turn to physical violence when someone nags him to a certain point, seen with how he’s treated Wakamatsu in the beginning (though this seems to almost disappear by the end of the series)

what I’ve noticed in every scene he’s in, is that everything seems to revolve around him and his hobbies of basketball and Japanese idols

what I mean is that everytime we see Aomine, it’s always Momoi approaching to Aomine or just him always being the center of attention; never once has he approached Momoi for anything and it’s always been the other way around

in other words, people have to cater to him in order to get along with him/be in good graces (additional example: Imayoshi letting him do as he pleases to get him to be cooperative and participate in the games)

we’ve actually never seen Momoi’s hobbies outside of being a manager for her basketball teams and just anything basketball-related

he can be quite apathetic, choosing to only pay attention and try in things he’s interested in… which is basketball and those magazines

he seems to mature in the Last Game though, so I’m not quite sure to what extent these headcanons would apply to older Aomine (these also don’t really apply to Puremine)

Momoi Satsuki

the author probably also included this type of anime trope as comedy, but belittling another female for her body is definitely a no-go in reality; I feel like this is something most people gloss over really lightly

her body comments on Riko are actually what made me skeptical of her character at first before the show really shows her entire personality

that being said, it seems that she always takes the opportunity to look down on other girls (especially to those she is a stranger to) as a sort of “competition” when there’s boys around

definitely at certain moments, she screams a “pick-me girl” type of person (real phenomenon, you can search this up!)

while Kuroko doesn’t seem to actively mind this, I think she also has no good sense of boundaries and what’s considered appropriate touch and consent; people can chalk this up to “oh it’s just infatuation,” but this definitely isn’t okay if we really think about this

her life also seems to revolve around either Aomine or Kuroko, and based from that, I’d feel like she’d have a difficult time forming her own identity/life separate from her “manager life,” especially once she graduates from Touou

can definitely be interpreted as too clingy at certain moments, while others may think it’s her way of showing that she cares

Murasakibara Atsushi

most people would chalk up Murasakibara as “lazy,” and on the surface level, it does appear to look that way…

I think his true negative trait is that he has a lack of intrinsic motivations to drive him to do things

it’s different from being lazy; someone can be lazy while still having a goal, and certainly someone can be lazy while they’re motivated by thoughts of “I want to learn more,” “I want to get stronger,” etc. (you guys, it’s me right now in college)

and he doesn’t have that

part of this was contributed to the fact that he’s already so gifted with genetics and thus, there’s never been a goal for him to have to work towards to when he’s already at the top

he doesn’t actively seek out, and while that may be a characteristic of sloth, it’s not exactly right either

he willingly does things if people around him give him the motivations/reasons to do so; a person of sloth wouldn’t do anything even with all the motivations and goals handed right to their face

snacks/food are examples of extrinsic motivations that fuel him to carry on daily life

Himuro is always the main motivator for Murasakibara to come out and watch matches, and he also does whatever Akashi orders in both Teiko and present days // a person who can give the giant the motivation to do tasks would get along with him the most

searching out for a challenge against his basketball skills is something that’s never crossed his mind

why? he grew to be like the way he is because of the lack of results from his “search” of a challenge throughout his games

again, it’s only when Murasakibara gets handed a silver-platter of a challenge, Jason Silver, that actively gets him pumped up and raring to go

as such, Murasakibara is equivalent to a rusty machine, extremely difficult to start up and find compatibility with, but very powerful and efficient once he finds that spark

Murasakibara finding any partner or friend in the future would be extremely difficult because he ticks a different tune from the rest

Akashi Seijuro

his entire Bokushi side was a giant-ass red flag for very obvious reasons LOL anyways, moving on…

it’s difficult to pinpoint a negative characteristic for Oreshi because he’s the pinnacle of a gentleman character… but that technically is also his negative trait

for him to maintain that perfect image for himself and others, he has always carried himself in such a way that doesn’t allow for errors or expressions of “weakness”

thus, bottling up his frustrations and emotions to the point of no return is something very familiar to Akashi, and I’d feel like Bokushi is the result of his overflowing emotions left unchecked in the first place

I also predict that if Akashi continues to carry himself without letting himself wind down and feel emotions on the spot rather than locking it up inside him, a day will come when he splits into two halves again with a “new” Bokushi to deal with his current life (and let the current Oreshi take a backseat in his psyche to take a break from the turmoil)

also will tend to overwork himself to manage people’s expectations as well as his own, and he’s not one to depend on people not because he sees them as inferior or incapable, but because he’s doing this out of habit from being in positions of authority and responsibility for much of his life

and so, he may tend to hide important things or just not speak about his problems in general to those close to him because he feels like he can do it all himself and spare everyone the work and stress associated with them (a leader mentality)

throughout the majority of his life being calm and calculated, his emotions would definitely escape from him in forms of uncontrollable lashes of anger… before he would realize what he’s done… that is, assuming that another Bokushi hasn’t form within his subconscious yet

[angelguk]

uhm VERY unpopular opinion alert

at some point i was thinking that maybe you would (and was all for it and kinda hoping) just go with pb couple not getting back together, like at all. i think i sent an anon a long time ago about how hard it was/ is to pick a side oc is an odd one and i think we’ve come to the conclusion that she was selfish but jk 🥴 idk man maybe i was just hoping for ‘the one that got away’ kinda ending you know ? like we were friends we loved each other maybe one more than the other and it was easier loving someone else (oc n lucas)

BUT

what i need to know (maybe you’ve said it before sorry if you did and i just missed it) is did oc always have feelings for jk and did jk didn’t question his love and was more for “just a friend” BECAUSE if it’s that way then maybe oc is a little bit justified like i’ve always loved you and have shown it but you are just now showing it (in a more romantic way) ???

anyways even though you said they would get a happy ending a little bit in me still wished for the angst of ‘the one that got away’ type of ending

an angst ending would have fitted the scenario too i just didn't want to be stoned in my inbox if i left it like that.

as for your question i think there's a typo im not entirely sure what you're asking but i'll try my best to explain the characters and their motivations regarding the break-up.

one of the original angst prompt highlighted a problem that i thought was interesting and very applicable to friends to lovers situations, especially when the friendship relationship was very long (for jk and oc almost all their life). it was something along the lines of: oc goes on a spiral thinking abt what if theyre just in this relationship cos its comfortable for them and like theyve known each other the longest and maybe theyre dating bc of some twisted ver of stockholm syndrome n oc gets all 😔😔💔😡 and starts ignoring jk for some time (literally want the anon requested). so the angst plotline deals with the theme of settling imo. oc and jk really love each other but is it because they LOVE each other or because they have become comfortable and content and settled for something that feels safe? is it a purposeful choice or just them saying "hey, i know you and you know me. i'll feel safe and content around you for the most part and this won't be a difficult relationship. i think i might settle for this."

that's why jungkook grows insecure over ocs past relationships, especially namjoon cause he was the first person oc looked at in a romantic manner (like the first person that was made obvious to him). hence the question: what did he have that i didn't? if i was here the whole time why didn't you pick me first?

perhaps thats why pb!jk is overall romantic with oc like he needs to constantly show her he's not just her friend anymore

on the other hand, oc realised her feelings for jk pretty early on in their friendship (maybe around middle school) but hid her feelings because she feared losing jk. she's gotten so used to viewing him through the friendship lens that even a year into a relationship she hasn't moved jk completely out of that corner in her head. i think pb!oc still feels like jk will wake up and realise he doesn't love her he's just settling for her - like she's subconsciously prepared for him to leave her for somebody "better" all the time

their insecurities drive the wedge between them. jungkook is trying to close the gap and have oc closer, while oc is imaging him leaving her already like she can't believe jk chose her

to sum to up:

oc = why did you choose me? are you going to leave?

jk = why didn't you choose me? why wasn't i enough?

hopefully that makes it easier to understand the motivations driving their actions. as for the events of the angst plotline that was 100% the people who voted faults. idk what i would have done personally if i was controlling the plot because i cant imagine this two not together... like they just make sense.

anyhow i hope i answered ur question if i didn't let me know lol

[spelviin]

honestly one of the most incredible things abt tma to me personally is that it finally, finally got me to actually enthusiastically accept the concept of ambiguous endings

(this ended up being just pretty nonsensical ramblings about a year old podcast sry)

like, i was fine with them before. from an objective media-analysis standpoint i could be like, "yeah i get what they're going for here and why it's more beneficial artistically to leave the ending open," but on an emotional level, i lowkey just as a person really wanted solid closure if that makes sense?

but then tma comes along, and it turns out the way to overpower my desire for solid word-of-god closure is to take a character, make me care deeply about them, and then put them through literally every possible trauma nonstop for hundreds of episodes, by which point the ambiguous ending offers not questions and a lack of closure, but the faintest sliver of hope of peace (and god forbid genuine happiness) for said characters.

like this is genuinely the first time in my life i have actually seen an ambiguous ending as the gift it really is. as freedom to either draw your own conclusions, or let the story rest as presented without trying to imagine what does or doesn't come next.

(and like, full disclosure, as much as i'd like to be the latter of those options from an artsy perspective, i am very very much the former. like, i fully believe deep in my core in my own personal headcanon that they ended up somewhere else and got to be blissful and happy and normal (after working their shit out ofc, "couples therapy somewhere else" being my fave genre of fanfiction recently lmao) and i don't even feel like it's a cop out or anything?

like, i don't think it's a "blah blah she's too much of a wimp to engage with the tragedy" thing, because like. i spent 199 episodes engaging with the tragedy. i went into this with the expectation, just from what i'd seen on my dash the past few years, that they were both just gonna straight up, onscreen, canonically die. and i grappled with that from the moment i got attached to them as characters, to the point where i was legit sobbing about it when i got to like the final 10 episodes and i had to listen to hadestown for a bit to calm myself down and make peace with it (bc hadestown was the media that made me enthusiastically embrace tragedy lol) and anyways. all this to say i fully, deeply appreciate the concept of a less optimistic ending for the characters as was evidently intended.

but that also makes the gift of ambiguity we got that much nicer, imo? like that freedom, for the first time that i've experienced, really truly feels like a privilege rather than a burden.

anyways this probably doesn't make any sense at all i just had a lot of Feelings i needed to spew about how this podcast works and i definitely didn't come close to doing them justice but well.

sometimes you just gotta slam out some nonsense bc a podcast got you to emotion too hard.

[getofy]

matchup: #1 - hq boy w/ an extroverted fem reader!

—a/n: wow im genuinely so sorry for taking so long. literally school is ruining my life and i also um,, haven’t been doing the best this past month. i really hope this makes up for it !! it’s kinda long so my bad...also this is NOT proofread lol i apologize if it sucks aaaa.

DISCLAIMER: while this is a personalized matchup, they’re still headcanons, so basically anyone can enjoy them! :]

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hello @/meremoomoo ! you are so cute and tysm for being patient about ur request. i debated who you would go well with for a while, but in the end i came up with...

SUGAWARA KŌSHI!

-

#SUGA: “YOU’RE PERFECT JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!”

#Y/N: “THANK YOU KŌSHI :].”

-

☆ SUGA IS PERFECT FOR YOU, AND HERE IS WHY—

PERSONALITY TYPE:

suga has a personality type of INFJ, which compliments your ENFP personality type well.

“...you may benefit from perseverance in this relationship. your sensitive, sympathetic nature may at times overtake you, leading you to make decisions that feel right but are not really the wisest option. this person, whose approach seems so cold at times, can help you to tune into your powers of objective reasoning and ensure that you are not letting emotions rule your life.” —some website i found

while INFJs are not the most compatible with ESFPs, your other personality type, wonderful things can still come out of INFJ/ESFP dynamics! 

“your differences mean that you actually have a lot to offer one another. your counterpart may inspire you to slow down and think more deeply about the meaning of things, rather than just doing what feels right in the moment. in turn, you can help them to get out of their heads and enjoy life for what it is.” —some website i found

HOW YOU GUYS MET:

sugawara and you did not start off on the right foot at first...

the two of you were in the same class and sat very close to each other so he decided that he really wanted to get to know you.

he also just really likes becoming friends w/ people lol

since you were always laughing loudly with your friends during break time, he deduced that you had a good sense of humor.

he decided that jokes seemed like the right way to get to your heart win you over!

easy enough, right?

wrong.

apparently, he had caught you on a bad day because his attempts to be friendly were not received well. at all.

poor suga.

he does his best to be kind to everybody, but at the same time, he does love to poke fun at others. he probably took one of his jokes too far or something?

or maybe you really were just having a bad day?

who knows.

anyways, after that awkward encounter, he did his best to avoid you.

it’s not that he hated you, it’s just that he thought you hated him. it sort of bummed him out because you seemed cool, but he wanted to be respectful of your feelings!

*sorry it’s not enemies to lovers, but it’s close enough i hope ?

HOW HE DISCOVERED HE LIKED YOU:

the class had finished testing early, so the teacher decided to put on a movie.

AND FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON THE MOVIE WAS OLD YELLER?!!?!?

(basically it’s just an incredibly depressing dog movie. like, if you’ve never seen it then just imagine the saddest movie you’ve ever seen 10x)

anyways, you ended up crying. very loudly.

sugawara was incredibly concerned for you, since you seemed to be genuinely distraught, but he didn’t say anything

eventually, the teacher caught on to your disarray and excused you from the room so you could go calm yourself down.

after some time, the teacher tells suga to go check up on you to make sure ur not dead or whatever lol (you were taking a while).

he was hesitant to do this since he knew you weren’t too fond of him, but suga decides to do it anyways since he didn’t want to be a disobedient student.

he finds you sitting on a bench with tears streaming down your face

and MAN!!

all at once, suga gets this overwhelming urge to make you feel better. but like, as in, he-never-wants-to-see-you-in-this-kind-of-state again-otherwise-he-might-breakdown kind of urse.

despite not being super close to you, he had gotten so used to your large smiles and extroverted demeanor, that watching you cry felt foreign to him.

he missed your smile.

he soon realizes that seeing you upset hurts him because he genuinely cares about your well-being.

so he decides to make it his personal mission to make you smile again.

suga takes the spot next to you voicelesslyand tries his best to talk you through your dismay.

you don’t seem to mind the company, and to his delight you don’t seem to hate him as much as he thought you did!!

suga is very grateful for this

anyways, he manages to cheer you up, and the tips of your lips turn up into a small grin—just like he wanted them to.

AND BOY OH BOY WHEN THEY DO!!

whew this man’s heart skips a BEAT baby and he is lowkey spiraling lol he’s so confused like why is this girl’s smile making me feel some type of way

he had been so focused on what you thought about him, but he had never once stopped to consider what he thought about you (until this very moment, of course).

turns out suga was incredibly fond of you

yeah, that’s how he knew.

suga brain go brr 4 pretti girl

HOW HE CONFESSES:

you two had been hanging out more frequently as of late

and getting to know you was only making suga‘s crush grow EXPONENTIALLY

after many nights spent in long contemplation, he came to the conclusion that it was time to ‘man-up’ and just rip off the band-aid that was being honest about his feelings.

he buys a single flower (tanaka’s advice) and waits by your locker

very very simple and sweet confession typa beat :(

literally SO nervous pls help . he’s scratching the back of his neck and holding the flower out to you with a slight twinge in his cheeks.

“y/n...i know you weren’t too fond of me at first, but i...i don’t know i think we’re great together! and now that we hang out and stuff i was thinking that maybe we could-“

yeah you cut the poor boy off and said yes to put him out of his misery.

literally verbally celebrates when you accept his flower. does a lil victory dance and everything.

ugh yall r so cute.

AFTER HE CONFESSES:

YOU GUYS GET TOGETHER INSTANTLY WOOOOOO

somehow the most wholesome and chaotic couple to ever exist???

you guys spend like every waking moment together it’s adorable

noya and tanaka would jokingly hit on you and suga would pretend to be actually jealous.

i hc him as being a somewhat possessive-y boyfriend so do w that what you will

total best friend kind of lover but he’s also a sweetheart and rlly romantic + respectful abt ur needs:(

y’all r super comfy w each other !!

WHAT HE LOVES ABOUT YOU:

sugawara is usually the kind of person that’s always there for other people so he appreciates the fact that you’re the same way! you guys bond over your shared therapist/mom-friend tendencies, and quickly become the support systems you so desperately needed prior to getting together.

he’s there to listen to you about your problems and vice versa.

he adores how you can meet and sometimes even exceed his energy. it’s a nice change of pace since he usually gets scolded by daichi. </3

thinks it’s cute how much you care for animals! you’ll often find him staring at you in wonder as you pet a random dog on the street lol.

MISC HEADCANONS:

will spend hours on end watching you play video games on FaceTime. after a while, he ended up buying his own console and now you guys play together!

he’s fairly competitive, and will whine whenever you destroy beat him in a game!

he’s so cute pls

one of his favorite things to do after a long day is sit and play slower paced games such as minecraft and animal crossing with you.

whether it’s about your fav historical monument or about a new show you saw, suga will listen to you talk for hours and never get bored. usually he’s always got something to add to the convo though. sometimes you guys get overly excited together and end up speaking over each other in the same way.!

is INCREDIBLE at getting you to calm down?? like, if you ever need to be put in your place, suga knows exactly what to say to do it. does this make sense? lol. you guys have big ying and yang energy sometimes i feel.

you’re his BIGGEST supporter. whenever he’s put into games, you’re always the LOUDEST one cheering him one.

it really touches him to know that you’ll always be there to root for him!! even mr.refreshing gets down sometimes, so it’s incredible to have someone as positive as you by his side constantly reassuring him.

he’s a big animal person as well so you guys like going to volunteer at shelters together!

this was actually your second date HAHA.

if a dog is within a 40 ft radius from y’all, it is almost guaranteed that you guys will sprint to go pet them.

since you’re both athletic, you guys help each other practice sports together! suga’ll throw u soft toss and help you run drills and hype u up before games. & you’ll help him work on his technique and such <33.

y’all totally gossip together wow. you said you were a bit on the meaner side of the spectrum and lowkey he doesn’t mind AT ALL. he lives for it HAHAHAHA.

he literally thinks you’re stunning so it upsets him whenever you get insecure, but he’s always got the right thing to say to cheer you up! genuinely just,,,, so good with his words. if you’re having a bad night, he’s ready to come to your rescue with a gentle smile and funny one-liner and maybe a documentary if you’re lucky enough.

in his eyes, everything about you is beautiful. your hair. your freckles. your body. your laugh. your smile. everything!! he’s going to do whatever it takes for you to love yourself in the same way he loves you.

this man so whipped smh 🙄🙄

tl;dr: suga thinks you hate him. you don’t. you start hanging out. he confesses to you by the lockers. you start dating. you are infinitely better at gaming than he is and will never let him forget it.

YOUR ANTHEMS (in no particular order):

darling by christian leave

pleasantries (with your lover) by mustard service

upside down by jack johnson

sunflower, vol.6 by harry styles

what do you like in me? by nasty cherry

MOODBOARD:

pic 1 | pic 2 | pic 3 | pic 4

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—CONGRATS! YOU’VE WON THE HEART OF ONE OF THE PRETTIEST SETTERS ON THE BLOCK. TREAT HIM WELL! ☆

*do not repost my work without proper credit and my explicit premission

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[seoafin]

in chp 58, there’s this subtletly of gojo’s insecurity,, which is kind of obvious when u rly squint lol but again,, this is another mistranslation 😐 (1)

a panel of gojou training megumi which goes :

m: well beggars cant be choosers

g : is it that annoying? to ask me?

what gojou is actually asking in the panel is 「そんなに嫌？僕に頼るの？」－ "is it that bad to rely on me?" ,, the raw specifically used tayoru “頼る” 🥴

i think the whole point of 'fostering the next generation of strong jujutsu sorcerers' stems from this insecurity or rather his inner (and very well hidden) knowledge that he isn't invincible and he can't be relied on indefinitely

that's what bothers me about the fanon’s misconception that gojou has a 'god complex' the idea that gojou is the superior shaman doesn't come from him but from everyone else in his world,, it's a burden that was placed on him he's just trying to deal with it

but sometimes ur disinterest or indifference doesn't make u a better, bigger person ,,, gojou isn't necessarily a better person than geto just bc he didn't stray off the path. his indifference speaks volumes,, but yes he’s trying ig

but does this stop me from clowning this mf ? NO

jjk translation team 😭😭,, i rly dont even want to know what goes on behind the scene anymore,,,

I WAS SO HAPPY THAT JGKRK ACTUALLY HAVE A DECENT TRANSLATOR , i picked the series up like a week after i first caught up with jjk and was side eyeing it like “pls dont tell me its like jjk’s m.tl” after reading the EN tl b4 trying to re read with jp raws

the problem with translated things is that,, u have no idea if ur actually reading the manga/ manhuas/ webnovels/ etc or if ur reading what the translator interpreted with their personal bias

yes, morally grey/ ambiguos characters are so sexc to read but,, i dont even want to know if i have crossed path with those kind of ppl irl, in this life or the next one (i did twice actually, and hope that there wont be a third time💀) ,, getting into convos where it leads into someone questioning humans’ rights (to live) get my gears running on how to ghost them right away like HUHH IKFYL, HOW DO U ARRIVE TO SUCH CONCLUSIONS,,, im both fascinated and wary of human’s thought process

on an unrelated note,, YES!!! VNC IS GETTING ANIMATED AND BLUE PERIOD TOO ,, im not going to start with pandora hearts 🥴

also if ur going to start tog, i think it will be better once it’s out of hiatus (it’s almost been a year now) 😔 the story is actually getting real good,, this is one of the series i cant even talk abt bc it will be very biased ,, I JUST RLY LOVE HOW THE FEMALE CHARACTERS ARE WRITTEN , STRONG WOMEN GO BRRR

all of them are empowering but it doesn't mean that these women shld lose the sense of femininity (there’s more than enough series i went thru where the author turned the powerful women into sth akin with “not-like-the-other-girls” and reeks of sth,, finding out SIU (tog’s creator) is a man was so surprising like am i actually seeing this right?)

,, the story line is one hell of a slowburn but everyone is connected even the npc-ish turns out to have their hand dipped in the bigger picture not to mention the lore - 🐱 (2)

forgot to add this but i’m curious if part of megumi’s exasperation towards gojou is bc he cant be fit into the “black or white” box since gojou’s a gray character lol (3) - 🐱

yes!! i saw that translation mistake! I don’t know how they translated that into “do you hate me that much?” HATE RELYING!! ugh

i think one of gojo’s biggest flaws is that even though he knows and acknowledges that he needs strong comrades, he will always fall back on doing things solo because he’s the strongest, and that’s just the way that it’s been for so long. that is not the definition of a god complex at all lol

I’m planning on reading blue period. I’ve heard really really good things about it so im excited, especially since i finished jigokuraku yesterday. LOVED THE ENDING.

i haven’t read tog in so long!! i think I was in the part where rachel betrayed baam or smt I don’t even remember it’s been like 5 years so I can’t comment on how SIU writes women bc I’m p sure back then I was still struggling with my own occasional instances of internalized misogyny LMAO 😭 

everyone in jjk degree is gray to a degree, which I think is one of my favorite things about it. I can’t wait for this week’s chapter and what lord tengen is going to tell them....I need more information on gojo’s family/everything !!!

[geminihalos]

🌟🌟🌟Here’s some good things I have to say about every single sign’s energy 🌟🌟🌟

💎I hope I can at least brighten up someone’s day!💎

Aries: All you guys are awesome and pretty creative ngl. No one gives you proper credit for that. You guys care so much and are so bold and straightforward to putting people in their place, and that makes you an awesome leader. You are so affectionate and loving despite having a rougher exterior. Fun personality, great ideas, and you have good energy for anything. I love the down for anything energy. Good memers as well 🤣🤣.

Taurus: haha to be honest, I come across this sign the least out of all 12 signs, but nevertheless I’ve chatted with a bunch of you. Stubborn and strong physically and mentally. You guys have a good eye for nature aesthetics, and are so stable in your mindset. I love how I can tell you guys literally anything and the secret is kept in the vault. So so beautiful and I love wheezing with ya’ll. I treasure all my Taurus friends and the acquaintances. The humor is on point my friends.

Gemini: my own sign. I don’t understand why everyone has something against us. All the Geminis I met are wise and helpful. They think from many different perspectives and change over time. It is 1 million percent possible for a Gemini to mature and become a stable person. I observe that those with Gemini energy are social and we can keep a secret whether you believe it or not (😲). You just have to attract those who are on the same wavelength with you. If you’re two faced, you will be friends with two faced people (speaking for all the signs)

Cancer: you guys care abt everything so so much, which I appreciate to the bottom of my heart. You’re empathic and allow yourself to feel through the emotion that you experience, so that you grow to be more resilient and more loving. I love you guys bc you guys are so chill, funny, and can understand despite the crybaby stereotypes. Artistically gifted I swear, all of you can draw and I’m lowkey jealous.

Leo: where do i even start. You guys are so comedic and the easiest to socialize with. You guys are passionate and loyal to your friends and family which is a #1 thing that I treasure from every Leo. Ya’ll are honest and loud which is what most people need to break out of their limitations whether it be their fears or their insecurities. Good leaders too, and amazing people.

Virgo: lovely Virgos, you guys are the best for fashion advice and to talk to bc you guys are natural healers. People just don’t understand the way you think sometimes because I know that you just want the best for people. To not want them to be reckless. you can talk to anyone about their problems no judgement unless it’s hella stupid. I love hanging around and joking with you guys and you’re the one of the gentlest signs I’ve met.

Libra: so fun and very snarky, I love it. You people are crazy and at the same time calm, diplomatic, fashion forward, and beautiful inside and out. I love how you’re able to be friends with anyone and be supportive in any situation. Good leaders and ppl sleep on that ngl. People need balance and someone to keep them together, and I think libras excel at that job. You don’t deserve whatever slander comes towards you (unless you did something truly evil lmao).

Scorpio: yo my scorp friends, you guys are intense and understand things that are considered socially unacceptable. I love your guys ability to understand everyone and your emotions run so deep, it’s always such a wonderful experience to talk with you. Even though ppl misunderstand you in the media, the media doesn’t understand how hilarious, exciting, and caring you guys are. Intense, so you guys understand me pretty well. Deep convos are my most fav part about you.

Sagittarius: Best comedic partner to every grace the planets. Legit, everyone loves you guys because your energy is so radiant and bright that it warms people. You are so free spirited that you hardly get offended by little setbacks. Having the ability to bounce back from hard situations is what I respect most in all of you. You are cultured as well, and coming from a person of culture you have everyone’s respect. Your beautiful open mind will take you far.

Capricorn: oh Cheezesticks... Capricorn’s appear the most in my life and I still to this day don’t know why. I’ve had such a long history with you guys and know that you are empathic feelers and thinkers, entertainers, stubborn, fun to argue with, and your shenanigans have me wheezing on the ground. You have this comforting energy that radiates warmth despite some ppl saying you’re so cold and distant. Like wtf, ya’ll are so nice and nurturing.

Aquarius: lol asparagus memes... but seriously, every Aquarius I’ve met has never failed to make people around them laugh. Have very crazy shenanigans and are intelligent. Easy to relate to and have a unique sense of humor that also has me wheezing but just so much that I was deceased. I don’t get the Aquariuses are so goddamn distant type thing. They feel strong emotions and have empathy, they’re just good at finessing them so people don’t see through their social facade. You guys are awesome and vibrant personalities.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Pisces: ah the rant ability factor is just off the charts. You guys are so adaptable and sweet, you guys won my heart over a bunch of times. Like I can talk to you guys about anything and you guys would provide good insight or opinion on it and we would be chill. No one would get offended. You care about others and I respect that about you guys.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Here’s a message I would like to put out for everyone regardless of any sign.

So I’ve been hearing about slander (through social media/real life) on all our zodiac signs and it’s been irritating me because there are. 7 billion people on planet earth and we have mfs out here ranking signs and judging people’s signs when they really never met all 7billion people to come up with that conclusion abt all the signs. There are good and there are Bad people, but there are no bad signs. Every one of you have something good to offer, and I believe that hating on all air/earth/water/fire signs for something 1-30 ppl did out of 1.75 billion ppl of each element is wrong. You know who you are and you should stop the judgement bc ppl can’t control their birthday. No one deserves hate and and no signs should be glorified than the other. I hope ya’ll have a great day. ♥️♥️♥️♥️

[catnippackets]

have you seen/would u recommend pacific rim 2? ive heard some things about newt and idk lol

I feel like Im in the minority that actually did think pru was fun but that being said it ended SO abruptly and with like three separate plotlines completely abandoned that I was really frustrated for days after watching it until I had processed everything and had time to think deeply about it lol it just seemed rly unfinished?? it feels like it was deliberately made as 1/2 of two sequels and there needs to be one more to tie everything up. actually I’m gonna ramble abt this bc I have a lot of thoughts (obvs spoilers under the cut)

the thing about the second one was that I genuinely was enjoying it right up until it ended because I swear to god the moment the end screen went up I yelled "what the fuck, that's it?" out loud into my bedroom bc I was so SHOCKED that THAT'S how it all ended, because it just seemed so incomplete?? Like it seemed like one half of a story, that will only be made whole if there's a third one to tie up all the plotlines that they didn't go through with in the second and if that's the case then I will be completely fine with it but if it doesn't or if they dont have a third one at all I will stay so frustrated lol. one silver lining to this is that the vibe of this movie was so different from the first that it almost feels easy to separate it and just imagine it as an AU if you prefer which is sort of nice; usually if a piece of media I like does something bad I feel all gutted and anxious and terrible that this is the canon I have to accept, but something abt this movie just made it feel like it was sort of a totally separate deal. maybe cuz only 3 of the original characters were in it idk

to start off: I felt like there were a couple of plotlines in it that were just sort of introduced and then never seen through which was very ????? Amara & Vik's weird hate-rivalry thing was one of them; Vik instantly has it out for Amara bc she’s jealous, which is a very interesting concept, and then this prompts Amara to become hostile right back at her, which is also a very interesting concept, and then it never got resolved at all? like they couldve done something really cool with those two but it just never went anywhere. and then there was sort of a weird love triangle thing happening between Jake and Nate and Jules that felt so weird bc it had no significance to the plot at all and it felt like it was only thrown in there for the sake of having ~romantic drama~ idk maybe I wasnt paying too much attention and there was more to it than that but it really just seemed like they wanted to put romance in there and didnt want to bother to put any work into it

BUT the thing about romantic sub plots is that THERE ALREADY WAAAAS OOOOOOOOONE which brings me to the biggest frustration I have w this movie because--and DISCLAIMER, this was also my favourite plot point of the movie bc it was by far the most interesting, the biggest reason for me enjoying the movie at all, and the bit I feel like should have had WAY more attention--Newt and Hermann were like legitimately in love in this movie I swear to god I was watching it and thinking “this is GENUINELY the most blatantly gay thing I’ve ever seen in a feature film and I know that straight ppl are very talented at writing gay romances completely by accident so it’s possible that they just accidentally did it this way but also it is REALLY goddamn obvious oh my gooood?” (and then I did a lot of frantic googling and found out that I was right and Charlie Day & Burn Gorman knew what the fuck they were doing and I felt so validated lol), and yet despite this, the movie had them speak for the last time almost at the halfway point of the film and then spend the entire second half apart and not talking at all and even at the post-credits scene where Jake and Newt talked for a bit Hermann wasn't there?? not even behind Jake to give Newt any searching glances?? Nothing??

dude...Newt being possessed by the precursors is a HUGELY interesting concept that actually makes sense and I wish it had had more attention. I’ve seen a lot of ppl say that pru butchered Newt’s character and I don’t 100% agree bc like...being possessed will change you lmao so while yes I’m obviously sad that he wasn’t himself, I feel like it made sense that he had a slight personality change, because it...wasn’t him anymore. we don’t really see the Newt we all fell in love with in the first movie. we THINK we’re seeing him, but halfway through we find out we’re wrong.

my critiques with that plotline are basically that I wish the reveal had happened a little bit later on, and I wish that it had been a little more obvious I guess?? like, we definitely get hints of it (when Hermann excitedly asks Newt to help him with a dangerous unorthodox project and Newt says “dude why are you doing something so risky when we’ve already got a good plan in motion? just wait for that to be done, it’s fine” and Hermann IS us, he IS the audience when he reacts, because this is a completely insane thing for Newt to say. Newt, who, in the first movie, was so obsessed with finding knowledge that he went behind the marshall’s back to literally risk his life doing something incredibly dangerous just to see what would happen? being given the opportunity to do the same kind of dangerous frivolous act and refusing? this is blatantly out of character, and Hermann is all of us when he’s shocked, “what, you mean you...won’t help me??” which means it wasn’t bad writing on their part, it was purposefully supposed to stand out as something that was wrong and something that we needed to pay attention to. that was a really good scene to hint that something was Not Right with Newt), and I wish there had been a bunch more like it. I think the reveal should have been saved for the end of the second act; I think that should have been the moment that act 2 of a story usually has, that dreadful event that happens that leaves the main characters feeling completely hopeless and unsure what to do.

I also wish that he had managed to break through more than That One Scene, I think it would’ve been more dramatic if he’d had a few moments where he managed to take control for a second to remind us that he’s still in there and still fighting, and I’m sad they didn’t do that. I saw a fan comic that touched on this idea and I think it’s brilliant, even the idea of him suddenly getting a nosebleed and acting distracted to show that that’s the Real Him trying to fight through would have been sooooooooo good.

I also feel like it didn’t make any sense for Nate to be the one to subdue him in the end, I dont even think those two interact at all so like, why was it him?? it would have been so much more dramatic and heartbreaking if Hermann had been the one to confront him so they could’ve had a little conversation on the roof where Newt could once again break through for a second before getting taken over and then Hermann could like idk have a taser hidden behind him that he uses to subdue him and THAT wouldve been a way sadder and more interesting way to do it. I also think Hermann shouldve been the one to speak to him in the post credits scene, or to have him in the background behind Jake just watching him sadly so we can get a couple shots of intense eye contact like UGH I just wish there had been more interaction between the two of them after the reveal happened!! When the movie was over and I realized they never spoke again I felt so upset!!! they're soulmates!! they're literally in love!! this has been CONFIRMED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and segueing in from the soulmate thing, another thing that made me sad was that nobody came in pairs anymore :( aside from Newt and Hermann, they were the only ones gjdfk but in the first one every character had another character that they were paired up with, both for drifting reasons and just for plot reasons (except Chau and Tendo but I’m pretty sure there's actually significance to that too), and in the second one it just sort of felt like everyone was drifting with each other with no strong connection needed and that made it feel way less special. granted, the movie takes place ten years after the first one so in that time maybe technology advanced to the point where you didn't need a strong neural connection to drift anymore, but for the sake of the story it would have been way better if they'd kept the whole soulmates concept from the first one, it made it way stronger and more special

so yeah in conclusion I did think pru was enjoyable and I probably would watch it again some time but also it definitely pales in comparison to the first one and I’m desperately hoping we get one more so they can tie everything together and FIX THINGS KFGH it’s not too late!!!!! I wish I could write Pacific Rim 3 I genuinely think I would do a good job I love storytelling and I’m very passionate about these characters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[panharmonium]

Hey! Loving the Merlin takes on ur blog, and I wanted to ask—what are your opinions on Morgana? Haven’t seen a lot of talk abt her. I loved her, esp in season 1, which is also my fav season cuz after that I feel like things started to make less and less sense, lmao. I understand her descent into villainy (mostly, but why does she start to hate Gwen so quickly? feel like that could’ve been handled better) but I would’ve loved to see some solidarity between her and merlin!!!!!

hi there! :D

so, i LOVE morgana.  most of what i’ve said about her has been in the tags of gifsets that are now scattered haphazardly around my blog; i don’t think there are larger pieces yet besides my finale round-up (urgh lol), and most of that is just a function of time - i can’t possibly write expansive tracts of meta about every single merlin thing i love, because i love the whole show; i’d never leave my computer again.  i generally sit down to write long essays about whatever grabs my mind at a particular moment, even though there are a bazillion other things out there i love just as much. XD

but with morgana, i also feel like part of the reason i haven’t written much about her is because up until three and a half weeks ago (....oh my god, was it THREE AND A HALF WEEKs???  IT FEELS LIKE A YEAR) i hadn’t even finished the series yet, and the whole time i was watching this show i was sort of...waiting to see whether they would finally tie her arc together.  i didn’t feel like i could say too much about what was happening with her, because my evaluation of her arc was going to depend on where the writers finally chose to take it and whether they brought it to the place i thought it needed to go.

and...they didn’t, obviously, which is what i sort of suspected would happen, though i was trying to give them the benefit of the doubt all the way up until the end, because i don’t believe they ever wrote themselves into a corner with her.  there were things they could have handled with more depth, definitely, but i do not believe that they ever dug themselves into a hole they couldn’t climb out of.

i. what happened to you, morgana

essentially my opinion (just mine; nobody else is obligated to share it) of morgana is this: that the series ended before her arc was over.  

to me, season 5 was the nadir in our characters’ journeys.  they had reached their lowest point, their...“darkest hour,” to quote the show itself.  and in many familiar storytelling formats (the ones that have the most in common with bbc merlin, at least), we take our characters to a moment where they hit rock bottom, where everything is going wrong and things seem hopeless, and then we light a spark under their butts that starts the process where they fight their way out of it.  the nadir isn’t the endpoint of the curve; it’s the point where characters start climbing their long, slow way out of the pit.  it’s what they have to overcome in order to earn their eventual triumphant ending.

to me, season 5 was that nadir, for morgana and everyone else.  i never would have imagined season 5 to be the final season of the show, if i hadn’t known it was beforehand. i would have read season 5 as the show’s ‘empire strikes back’ moment.  the episode that ends with our team losing, but with a whole other episode remaining where they can fight to Make It Right.

i view merlin bbc as tantamount to a cancelled tv show, to be honest.  i know that’s not necessarily what happened (though it does feel pretty weird that they officially announced S5 would be the final season only four weeks before the finale was about to air??  very bizarre), but regardless of the actual behind-the-scenes-whatever, the fact of the matter is that for me, the series doesn’t end.  it stops.  and those two things are not the same.

this is particularly relevant to morgana because, as you said, there are aspects of her character arc that weren’t handled as deftly as they could have been, but if the show had brought morgana’s arc to the place where it felt like they were going in 5.09, they could have rescued so much of what came before.

to get into more detail -

i think the biggest issue with morgana’s arc for me isn’t so much what she does, it’s what we’re not shown as she does it.  

i fully believe that morgana would eventually start working to ensure uther’s downfall.  (obviously.  she’s been presented as the voice of moral authority on this show since episode one, and there’s no reason to believe that she wouldn’t ultimately start rebelling against the king’s oppressive policies.)  i believe that she would reject arthur, eventually.  and i believe that she would reject gwen, too.  but i don’t believe the show illustrates enough how painful this would be for her, or how conflicted it would make her feel.  

and again, as i said, there are my own personal opinions, couched in...some personal experience with certain kinds of family conflict - but i do understand where morgana’s bitterness toward arthur and gwen comes from.  arthur, for all that he’s “a better man than [his] father,” never fully breaks with uther the way morgana does.  he has his own little rebellions, yes, but ultimately he always falls in line.  he tolerates his father’s actions even if he doesn’t necessarily agree with them, and he continues to support uther even after uther is revealed to have lied about being morgana’s illegitimate father.  and because of this tacit acceptance of uther’s poor behavior, arthur reaps benefits and privileges galore.  morgana is cast out with nothing, whereas arthur, who didn’t even take a stand for justice, wants for nothing.  arthur is sitting pretty on the throne of camelot because he continued to bestow his honor and respect upon a man who deserved neither of those things, because he chose the villain of the series over his sister, even knowing what uther did to her.  and that’s gutting, for her.  he betrayed her.

(and there are things to be said on arthur’s end of this, too, of course - morgana doesn’t ever confide in him; she doesn’t come to him for help or give him a chance to even be informed about what happened to her before she jumps into invading camelot and dethroning uther - so for arthur, her sudden turnaround comes as a total shock, and HE feels betrayed, like he has no choice but to fight her - i mean, it’s just a big mess.)

but i understand why she hates him.  he continues to stand with a man who did demonstrable evil, despite the harm that was specifically done to morgana herself.  and by shutting up and letting atrocities be committed in front of him, arthur escapes the harm that morgana suffers for speaking up.  i understand why morgana is so bitter about it.

and gwen is a very similar situation - from morgana’s point of view, gwen is playing the arthur to arthur’s uther.  gwen sides with arthur over morgana, despite knowing full well that arthur’s policies harm people with magic.  gwen abandons morgana for her love interest, and for morgana that’s just like - “why would you do that?  i was your friend before he ever cared about you, i loved you before he ever did - don’t you see the evil he’s perpetuating?  don’t you care what he does to people like me?”  

that’s why morgana tells merlin, “don’t think i don’t understand loyalty just because i’ve got no one left to be loyal to.”  she feels like everybody who supposedly cared for her ultimately dumped her because her situation interfered with their comfortable, morally uncomplicated lives.  they weren’t willing to acknowledge what was done to her, and they stuck by the man responsible for it, and it seems incomprehensible to her, that they would make that choice, when his misdeeds are known and out in the open.  i can’t blame her for wanting to raze the city to the ground.

HOWEVER.

while i believe that all these things are completely plausible, i don’t believe that the series shows us appropriately how these things would be tearing morgana apart inside, underneath the rage and the armored front of  ‘you brought this on yourself, so burn in hell, i don’t care.’  

there are moments where the show gets it right.  when morgana wakes up after uther dies and says that she felt his pain - it’s not presented as gloating; she’s - almost confused.  uncertain.  like she doesn’t know what she feels.  when she confronts arthur at the end of season 4 (i thought we were friends/as did i) there’s real pain under the surface there.  when they confront each other at the beginning of season 5, too (what happened to you, morgana/i grew up) - you can feel the undercurrent of something deeper there, too.  and that moment with mordred in 5.09, when he appeals to her humanity (i hope one day you will find the love and compassion which used to fill your heart) - that is an amazing scene.  the show absolutely nails that moment.  morgana hesitates.  you can see the grief and the - the conflict written all over her face.  it’s perfect.  it’s exactly the turn i would have expected morgana’s arc to be taking, at that time in the series.

but then the show just stopped.  and without taking morgana’s arc further - without following it through all the way to its conclusion - there’s never any resolution to all the ways the show dropped the ball earlier.  all the moments where morgana appears to be just...evil-smirking her way through her revenge, the way she suddenly seems to have no feelings for gwen whatsoever, the utterly lost opportunity that was the “enchanted gwen” arc (which could have been such a powerful exploration of their broken relationship) - all those could have eventually made sense and fit into a narrative where morgana’s conflicted feelings finally begin to escape the stranglehold in which she has them choked, where we start to see the pain of these destroyed relationships rising to the surface.  

i can understand how morgana would just - shut off her feelings about these people.  she had to close her heart to them - the alternative would have been too painful.  but underneath - we know it wouldn’t be that easy.  we know it eats at her.  and it’s just - so incredibly frustrating that the series was starting to go there - the moment with mordred in 5.09 feels like the beginning of morgana’s big crisis of faith - and then the show just Stops.

so the thing about morgana for me is that, like you said, the show does drop the ball on illustrating her quick descent into evil-villain territory, and they especially drop the ball on her break with gwen, but all of it could have been salvaged, if they had committed to following her arc all the way through to its conclusion.  instead they chose to kill her (and everybody else, lol) just as her deep-rooted internal conflicts were finally starting to rise to the surface.

ii. we can find another way/there is no other way (aka the merlin problem)

i’ll say right up front that anything i say here is, as always, just my personal interpretation of things.  this is not necessarily the One True Way this show is meant to be understood; it’s just my own preferred read.

i have definitely seen some things in my brief foray into internet fandom that are sort of...piling on merlin for abandoning morgana or “gaslighting” her, most of which seem to be centered around the beginning of episode 2.03, which is weird to me, because the whole point of that episode is that merlin does help morgana, in the end - he’s the one who doesn’t gaslight her.  he defies gaius and takes her to the druids, specifically so they can tell her yes, she does have magic.  he tries to distract the attacking knights in order to enable morgana to escape with the druids permanently, like she wants.  and when the attempt fails, and they’re brought back to camelot, he comes to morgana’s chambers specifically to check on her and to assure her that he won’t reveal her secret to anyone, and she’s grateful for this - she thanks him, she’s appreciative of everything he did for her, she feels comforted to know the truth and to know that someone else knows it, too.  this episode ends with their relationship at a high point - it’s overwhelmingly positive, and it doesn’t take a nosedive until 1.12, when morgana gets in way over her head and merlin thinks she’s trying to murder them all.  (and even in that episode, it’s worth it to note, merlin is still covering for her magic in front of arthur, giving her chances.)

(and obviously also, of course, the end of that particular situation gets Real Bad Real Fast, which could be a whole post in and of itself, so let’s stay focused on the earlier eps, for now.)

the criticism of merlin in those earlier episodes seems to stem solely from the fact that he doesn’t out himself to morgana, which i can understand - i mean, i like the idea of a ‘merlin+morgana secret magic squad’ AU as much as anyone - but i’ll be honest and say that nowadays, i’m not quite as willing to condemn him for it as i might have been on my first viewing.

i’m not willing to condemn him for it at all, actually.

(and again - as i said, these are my own opinions!  everybody else is welcome to have different opinions!  we all engage with media differently, and there isn’t a right or wrong way to approach this situation, just whichever way feels best to you.)

so, for me, i’m not interested anymore in telling merlin that he should have revealed himself to anyone, at that point in the story.  it would be different if he had been like - continuing to tell morgana ‘oh, no, you don’t have magic, don’t be crazy,’ or if he had been pretending to hate magic like everyone else so he could blend in, but he doesn’t do that, at the end of the episode.  he sends her to the druids.  he chases after her when he realizes she's in danger.  he openly acknowledges her magic, he supports her in having it, he makes sure she knows she has nothing to fear from him.  by the end of 2.03, he’s gone to great lengths to help her; he’s already made certain that she knows he’s on her side and that she can trust him.  she clearly knows that he accepts her and that he supports her - those are his responsibilities to her as a fellow human and as a friend, and those are exactly the responsibilities he makes sure to fulfill.  she knows her secret is safe with him.  

now - whether or not merlin feels safe enough to out himself, after making sure morgana knows he accepts and supports her, is his own business.

i think there are a number of reasons why it wouldn’t be fair for me to criticize merlin for continuing to conceal his secret, the first of which is something i already mentioned in another piece - that a marginalized person’s first responsibility is to their own safety, when forced into hiding under oppressive social conditions.  merlin isn’t obligated to reveal himself for anybody.  he’s not obligated to put himself in danger out of some kind of...responsibility to the community.  (not at this point, anyway.  it gets more complicated later, as merlin becomes more powerful, which i also address in that other piece, but that’s all in the future for him and not relevant at this moment.)

i think it would be easy for me to forget that merlin isn’t safe, in the early seasons.  we’re so used to thinking of merlin as ‘the greatest sorcerer to ever walk the earth,’ because that’s what we keep being told he’s going to become, but again, that’s all so far in the future for him.  merlin in the early seasons can do some things with his abilities, but not consistently, and not to the level where we can reasonably expect him to resist the entirety of camelot’s army, if they were to come for him.  merlin is in real danger, and he’s not evil for being unwilling to share a secret about himself that would ensure his death, if it somehow got back to the wrong people.

second - i don’t think it would be fair for me to discount merlin’s personal history, either.  merlin’s life didn’t start in camelot, and he hasn’t even been in camelot for all that long, comparatively, by the time we get to S2.  season one takes place over a few months, starting in either spring or summer and ending in the fall (after the referenced harvest in 1.10/1.11, but before winter sets in).  the weather is nice by time season 2 starts, so we can probably assume that S2 takes place once winter has passed (although, it’s technically possible that S2 takes place over the same autumn as S1, I guess...but it’s not made clear to us, timeline-wise.)  either way, we just really have to remember that merlin’s stay in camelot by the time we reach 2.03 is still this blip compared to the rest of his life.  

it would be very easy for me to say that merlin should have told morgana, that there’s no way she would ever have given him up - and i probably would have said that very thing, after the first time i watched the show - but like - nowadays, i really think i have to step back from that certainty and be a little more gentle.  we say we “know” that morgana wouldn’t have willingly betrayed merlin’s secret at that point, and sure, i agree, that’s probably true - but does merlin know that?  

of course not!

i think he hopes that.  i think he would dearly like to believe that.  i also think merlin grew up in a situation where he couldn’t fully trust even the people he’d known all his life, with two (vital!!!) exceptions, and he has been in camelot with a bunch of brand-new people for less than a year, and he can’t be certain of them, however much he wants to be.  (and that’s not even considering the possibility of accidental betrayals, or coerced ones - remember, the witchfinder shows up in S2 also, as just one example.)

remember that exchange merlin has with freya, later this season?

“you can’t always trust people.”

“i know.  that’s why i left home.”  

merlin is not used to showing himself to people.  he has been taught all his life to NEVER, EVER show himself to anybody.  everyone in camelot who finds out about his magic finds out either by accident (like gaius or lancelot), or necessity (like freya and gilli - though gilli is interesting, because i think merlin’s decisions there are motivated precisely by the choices he didn’t make with morgana - which i’ll go into more later).  

in twenty-odd years, merlin has only ever told one person about his magic.  and even that generous assumption requires a little bit of inferencing for us to determine, though i think it’s likely enough, if not confirmable.

(i am, in case it’s unclear, referencing 1.10, when merlin is explaining to will why hunith sent him away to camelot: “when she found out you knew - she was so angry.”  that, to me, has always been a signifier that merlin told will about his magic, as opposed to will finding out by coincidence.  i know there are a lot of headcanons floating around out there about various...accidental situations that may have occurred which forced merlin to reveal his magic in front of will, and those are all obviously totally fun to play with, but after hearing this particular line - i never understood that to be the case, to be honest.  we’ve seen hunith enough to have a pretty solid understanding of her character.  she and merlin are always easy and gentle together, she’s so kind and calm and thoughtful - i can’t imagine that she wouldn’t have understood, if there had been some kind of accident that forced merlin’s hand.  she’d be just as afraid for his future safety, of course, and she would have wished he’d told her right away, but she wouldn’t have been “so angry.”  

...she might, however, have been “so angry” if she’d found out that merlin had specifically undermined every sacrifice she’d ever made to keep him safe/ignored every single one of her warnings/rejected every cautious thing she’d been telling him for his entire life and TOLD somebody about his magic when it wasn’t remotely necessary.  that’s the only scenario i can imagine that would prompt merlin to say “she was SO angry” in that half-awed, half-intimidated tone, with that little headshake, like it was such a singular event, like it’s still formidable for him to remember.)

so anyway, that said - it’s too easy for me to say ‘he should have told morgana/gwaine/gwen etc; they would never have turned on him,’ as if it would have been such a simple thing for him to do, as if there were no dangers associated with their knowledge even if they would never have willingly given him up, as if he was refusing to do it because he didn’t want to, or because his fears were overblown, or because he was foolish for thinking they would ever hate him for his gifts.  i think that really minimizes the reality of his struggle, and the danger of his situation.  without the pressure of some crisis to force his hand, merlin has only ever willingly revealed himself to one person.  that person is dead.  that person died specifically ensuring that merlin could stay safe and hidden from the rest of the world, morgana included - merlin’s continued secrecy is a gift that was bought at an impossibly high price, and it’s not simple for him to contemplate squandering it, especially with no guarantee that things will turn out okay.

because there IS no guarantee that things will turn out okay!  a lot of the “merlin should have told morgana” online talk centers around the idea that knowing about merlin’s magic would have kept morgana from feeling alone/betrayed, thus preventing her from turning to the “evil” methods she uses later, but again, i don’t think we actually know that at all.  solidarity between merlin and morgana would have been a nice thing, definitely; i’d like to see that too, but i don’t think the fact that she and merlin are both magic-users would have guaranteed harmony between them.  merlin and gilli are both magic-users, too, and merlin expects this to be enough to convince gilli to “see the light,” but the fact of the matter is that merlin and gilli just have very different ideas about what it means to do the right thing.  merlin thinks it means biding his time and waiting for change to come from the top (because he’s been TOLD by greater powers that this is the right course of action, of course; let’s note again that merlin’s situation is extremely complicated) whereas gilli thinks that doing things merlin’s way makes merlin complicit with an unjust regime.  gilli says ‘i shouldn’t haven’t to wait for someone else to give me my rights.  i’m going to take them myself.’

the fact that merlin and gilli share a bond as magic-users doesn’t protect them from an ideological divide that puts them on different sides of the same struggle.  i’m not sure that merlin and morgana wouldn’t have still ended up in the same situation, eventually, if merlin had chosen to out himself to her - but doing so would certainly have made him a thousand times more vulnerable to attack.

third - it’s also important to remember that if we’re going to hold merlin to this rigid ‘he should have told morgana everything/confided in her/trusted her at the expense of possibly his own life despite the fact that she exists at the completely opposite end of a rigid social hierarchy as him and he’s known her for less than a year’ then maybe we ought to raise the bar for morgana, as well.  morgana is very clearly shown to trust and appreciate merlin at the end of 2.03, but by 2.11, when alvarr and mordred show up and convince her to steal the crystal of neahtid, she doesn’t hesitate or come to merlin at all, despite the fact that we never see him do anything to lose her trust between then and now.  she never asks him for help, even when she’s uncertain about alvarr’s methods, and that leaves merlin in the dark, only privy to confusing images of her sneaking around and acting suspicious.  and even with that, merlin doesn’t condemn her for what she does, the same way he doesn’t blame her when she tries to kill uther in 1.12 - he helps arthur retrieve the crystal, but he doesn’t give morgana up.  and he doesn’t hold any kind of grudge, either - in the next episode, merlin doesn’t even suspect her, at first - he thinks it must be her magic protecting her; he doesn’t even consider the idea that she has anything to do with the illness, not until kilgharrah tells him.  

and even after that, he STILL covers for her in front of arthur, and he gives her a chance to come clean to him - but she doesn’t take it.  

i’m not condemning her for that - i get why she would be afraid to admit to such a big mess - she was in way over her head and didn’t know what to do.  but if we’re going to cut morgana this much slack and accept her fears as a valid enough reason to block a potential moment of connection, then we have to accept that merlin’s fears were valid, too - morgana’s descent into “villainy” was not something we can pin solely on merlin’s already overburdened shoulders.  the end of season 2 was not some kind of one-way failure.

in summary: merlin and morgana were trapped in an impossible situation.  they were both victims of the same oppressive regime, and both of them had very real, very dangerous obstacles to letting themselves trust in and reach out to others, and i think pitting them against each other while forgetting who the real villain was is unfair to them both.

also, a brief postscript: circling back to the first section of this piece, where i talked about how season 5 just stopped before anyone’s arc was finished - merlin and morgana could have had so much more, if we’d gotten another season.  their relationship is really in the pits, by season 5, but there is this deleted scene where arthur is reflecting on what happened to morgana and blaming himself, and merlin says arthur shouldn’t take the blame, that “there were others better placed to help morgana” (implicating, of course, himself) and that was SUCH a jumping off point for their story to have continued.  merlin wanted to do better by her.  he blamed himself for what happened to her.  and morgana, for her part, was starting to question herself, as we saw during her confrontation with mordred in 5.09.

there were places for this relationship to go.  it wasn’t a lost cause.  but the writers decided that it made more sense to just...eliminate everybody at the exact moment when things were poised to possibly change.

the story wasn’t over at the end of season 5.  but the show was, and i am always going to regret those many lost opportunities.

[chongoblog]

Hey I know that you all see me as the Grand Authority on Movie Opinions in that I am correct and can never be wrong and also my opinion on things is NEVER unsolicited because I’m literally the most important person on the internet and you CRAVE my opinions.

So I saw Shazam last night and I’m gonna talk about it under this readmore because I dunno how long it’s gonna be and I respect y’all’s dashes like that (plus if y’all don’t care abt what I thought then you can keep scrolling). There will be spoilers but I will clearly mark them.

So I’ve been thinking to myself on whether or not Shazam was the best DCEU movie. All things considered, it didn’t have too high of a bar to leap over, seeing how Wonder Woman, which was originally my favorite, had a lot of incredible moments, but was bogged down by a few of the scenes around those moments and a frankly terrible final act. And if I were to put it into numbers, (which people seem to love) I’d put Wonder Woman at about 50% INCREDIBLE 20% ehhhh and 30% GOD WHY, plus add a few bonus points for being so inspiring within its social context as a female-led superhero movie that isn’t terrible, sexualized or both. Shazam, on the other hand, doesn’t get those bonus points of social context, but has about a 60% Pretty Good and 40% ehhhh with one small bonus point for having one scene that personally hit me pretty hard that I’ll talk about later. It doesn’t reach any of the LOWS that any other film in the DCEU had, but at the same time, it didn’t really hit any of the highs either.

Something that’s worth addressing is that as someone who likes to partake in any and all drama because I’m a gremlin who loves seeing complaining, I saw plenty of DC fans complain that this movie was falling into a sort of trap set up saying “ITS ONLY BEING LIGHTHEARTED BECAUSE IT THINKS THAT IT HAS TO BE MORE LIKE MARVEL AND THATS WHY MORE PEOPLE LIKE IT” and I do want to address that because it’s a stupid argument. While Shazam is a departure from the DCEU’s more serious tone thus far, it’s not a black and white deal. DC isn’t strictly defined by being “the more serious Marvel” or vice versa. Being lighthearted did help Shazam out, not BECAUSE it was more like a Marvel movie, but because unlike movies like Batman v Superman, it didn’t try (and fail) to tackle more complex themes and down to earth schemes that made it lose focus and become an enormous mess. That being said, Shazam’s schemes and themes were much simpler, and it made for a much SMALLER mess if/when it did lose focus.

Before I dive into the spoilers, I’ll give my two cents on the film as a whole. Like I mentioned, the light-hearted tone did help out the movie, and it took itself a little less seriously with things while still balancing out some emotion in the story, and the whole theme behind it, while not PERFECTLY drawn out, still had a coherent message behind it. Visually, the movie was definitely trying to break out of the Zack Snyder mold that had been set up back with Man Of Steel, and while it still chills out in Low Saturation City a lot of the time, it IS doing a better job. Zachary Levi definitely deserves a shoutout in this movie for probably being the second best actor in the DCEU closely behind Gal Gadot in terms of casting choices, perfectly encapsulating the idea of Shazam, and pulling off the role of a Big Billy Batson, however he seems to have taken away the acting talent from half of the rest of the cast, because some of the acting in this movie is.....not great. And that’s not counting the child actors who did alright considering they’re child actors (Freddy in particular was fantastic).

The dialogue in this is pretty solid and indicative of the situation, and they really tried to lean into the idea that it’s some middle school (or early high I cant really remember) kid who just got these powers, and they do a pretty good job of that in both the dialogue and in the first half of the movie. And like I mentioned, there is a bit of Emotion in this movie that they really tried to deliver and they did a pretty good job delivering it. That being said, it’s very clear that they’re going for a kinda cheesy sort of vibe. Which makes sense, since the concept is Kid Becomes Superhero, which is ripe for picking like some kind of Cheese Tree....orchard.....thing.....and it leads to just a fun experience. It’s something that knows it shouldn’t be taken too seriously, which is why I’m writing an incredibly long analytical review of it, because I’m a curmudgeon like that.

ALRIGHT SPOILER TIME SCROLL DOWN TO THE VERY BOTTOM IF YOU DONT WANNA GET SPOILED

Lol alright so this spoiler section is gonna have a lot of negative points, so let me start with some positives.

The overall theme of this movie is sort of an idea of Found Family (which I’m an absolute sucker for), and there’s a subplot that follows this idea where Billy is looking for his mom. The movie starts showing a flashback where Billy’s mom gives him a compass saying “it’ll always help you find your way home” and then very shortly afterward, Billy gets himself seperated from his mother and had to be put into foster care and is now searching for his mother by looking everywhere he can to the point it causes him to run away multiple times. It’s not too surprising how this ends, with him finding his mother, only to find out that she just didn’t pick him up because she was 17 at the time and felt she COULDN’T take care of him. And that’s the point when he realizes “maybe my REAL family were the kids in the foster home all along”. Billy Batson sees that his birth mother’s life is tumultuous, taking on new lovers, working part time jobs, and not having time to even consider caring for Billy, moreso just hoping he turned out alright. Billy, as a sort of symbolic gesture, hands his mother the compass saying “you’ll need this more than me”. And then she replies with two words that just killed me for some reason.

“What’s this?”

I don’t know. It was a line that hit me. Kinda reflecting that sort of disconnect. Alright enough being nice, let’s talk things that are Alright but could be better.

The villain was alright. His character was pretty fun at the beginning, but after he got revenge on his father for Toxic Masculinity™ he became pretty boring, acting more like a CGI Monster Vending Machine. Of course it kinda leads into the whole Cheesy vibe they were going for, but it’s hard to make your movie seem like it’s gonna be campy and cheesy when your villain doesn’t really fall into the role once he actually fights the hero (also with the color palette). Just wish they would’ve sorta gone full Sam Raimi and just leaned into the campiness, with this movie kinda afraid to jump into the pool past its bathing suit.

And then there was the climax of the movie in the carnival, where I felt like it went a little bit downhill, not really being the best that it could be, but still pretty serviceable. The director seemed to be REALLY into using slo-mo, using it a little more than necessary to the point of being distracting, and while the Shazam concept was used in a few fun creative ways, there were some moments where it could have had more utility, or one moment in particular when he absolutely needed to change back and probably had time to say “Shazam” like twenty times over, but he didn’t, which was a LITTLE frustrating, but that’s way more nitpicky. Speaking of nitpicks, there were a few shots that were.....questionable (most notably the Santa.....moment? It seemed to be a clear funny moment, but it didn’t really land and didn’t flow either)

And also the climax has a bit of a fun twist moment that helps round out the Found Family moment where all of Billy’s adopted family also become superheroes, which is pretty sweet, but there was one SMALL nitpick that doesn’t overwhelmingly detract from anything but I found strange. Every character had a power, with one person showing the super strength, another showing super speed, another with lightning, another with flying, which were Shazam’s powers. And then Mary was there....and we don’t really get to see her powers? I did research and apparently she’s a character in the comics with all the powers of Shazam, but Mary was one of the only other characters with an arc and we don’t get to see her with any powers, which is a bit weird (we also don’t get to see her arc formally conclude. We can draw conclusions but still). So in the end it looks like Mary essentially kinda got Kairi’d. Oof.

But that’s really it for spoilers, in terms of the “bad” it’s really just that it didn’t really give it enough of an impact and while it knew what it wanted to be and isn’t disingenuous about it, it also doesn’t really commit to BEING what it wants to be.

ALRIGHT SPOILERS ARE ALL DONE YOU CAN LOOK NOW HERES MY BOTTOM LINE

Bottom line is that this movie is definitely flawed, and after consideration I don’t think I’d put it at the top of the DCEU, if only because Wonder Woman reached higher points than this one did, but that shouldn’t be a slight against Shazam at all. Heck, I would consider putting it a little bit above Captain Marvel if we’re inevitably comparing rivals.

So all in all I give it a Shazam/10. A good fun time. Not the BEST movie you’ll see this year, but you’re there to have a good time and you’ll have it.

[nongbabe]

Jaemin Boyfriend Material

Omg guys I'm actually doing a request for once instead of putting them off like I always do

!!Important!!: for future reference I will do boyfriend material posts for nct dream and stuff HOWEVER there won't be an explicit section like I've done with some of the other posts like the sauciest things will get it is maybe describing what it would be like making out lol I hope you guys still like them!! <3

~ S

Okay one visuals

And two okay wow visUALS

Did I mention visual? Anyway

So conclusion this boy is a visual and he knows it

Definitely can be seen by his confidence

Probs one of the few dream members who would flat out ask you out

He wouldn't really beat around the bush

Like maybe you guys were childhood friends or you just happened to run into each other at the park or in a clothing store and eventually ran into each other enough you exchanged numbers

And then one day out of the blue he would just be like "let's date" or "I really wanna kiss you right now" or "wow you're eyes are gorgeous how about we go out for thai and make it official"

Something that sounds really blunt and comes across kinda like he just said it on impulse

But it's not impulsive it's actually relatively calculated

Like he purposefully made it sound a little blunt so you could brush it off as a joke if you weren't interested

But obviously you'd date him this is a boyfriend material post after all

Idk why but I feel like roller skating would be your first date or something that was active as to avoid any potential awkward silence

But also you would go roller skating a lot

And sometimes he would fake being bad even though both of you knew he was a really good skater just to hold your hand really tight

But you'd go along with it bc hes a freaking cutie

After a few months of dating there would be no more awkward silence though there wouldnt be much to begin with and it was more of a comfortable silence anyways

Hed get more and more talkative around you the more comfortable he got yet simultaneously quieter

There was no need to fill the silence when neither of you had anything to say

But there was also no reason to be timid around each other because you guys were so close and shared everything with each other

He knew every dating scandal and all abt ur professor drama at university and you knew all the dirt on every member in nct and then some

Lol and all of your friend and his members knew not to tell either of you if they had a secret

You two have a little of the devil in you

He may have an innocent smile bit or turns into a mischevious one real quick

I wouldnt say it's a pranking type of mischief but an innocent blackmail if there is such a thing

Lol but it would be more teasing actually and acting like you were gonna blackmail them

But ya'll have never actually blackmail anyone so your more bark than bite at least for now

I think during the summer and spring months you guys would go bike riding a lot

He just pegs me as more of the outdoorsy or at least active type

Hed love to go biking during the spring

especially when the cherry blossoms were in bloom

It was one of your favorite things to do together

Hed take lots of candid photos of you spinning around while some of the blossoms were falling

Sometimes you'd know he was taking pics bc hes not really that discreet

but you would pretend like you didn't notice bc hed get shy and a little embarrassed but he would also pretend like he wasn't shy or embarrassed

and hed act confident like "of course I'm taking pictures of you beautiful girlfriend" or "how could I simply not capture such a pretty woman surrounded by some pretty scenery"

But really in his mind he would be thinking "wow I like her so much" "maybe it was too much taking so many pictures of her" "but she just looked so pretty" "wow she's pretty"

Reads like an open book and he just kinda stares at you lovingly all the time

Like all the time

Even if you catch him and get shy he'll probs keep staring

It's literally so obvious how much he likes you to everyone even you and you tend to be thick headed when it comes to these things

Which honestly you think is so cute and also you love how much attention he pays to you

Hed be as blunt as ever whenever you guys were having a moment

Like if you were making out in the kitchen

He loves to distract you while cooking and you've nearly set the house on fire because of it before...

Anyways if you guys were in the middle of makeing out and kinda lost in the moment that's when the "God, your it for me", the "you're so perfect" probably eventually even the "I love you"

But he wouldnt think too much about those afterwords because you'd always respond back with an "I love you too" in between breaths

But on a completely different note(sorry my thoughts are all over the place while writing this one)

Hed be a really slow kisser

Really gentle and sweet like he was savoring the moment

And he wouldnt really be the type to push you into the wall or pin you down

hed just kinda gently lean in and kiss you

With you first kiss I'd imagine him to be the type to say"i really wanna kiss you right now" and if you kinda nodded you head hed yo for it

Or he might even straight up ask "can I kiss you"

And it never runs the moment or anything in fact it usually make it all the more sweet

Sometimes hed gently bite your lower lip but just enough to feel nice not like a harsh bite or anything

Hed pull away randomly and just stare at you and smile and brush a piece of your hair behind your ear

Then once you seemed to come to your senses hed kiss you again

Hed also love to give you random ear kisses

Like when you came home from class hed hug you and kiss your temple or the top of your ear

And it would be cute

And yall would be cute and yes

Okay I'm done now this is too much cute

[pruzan]

hello liv !! i hope you’re doing wonderfully and, if not, i hope things get much better for you going forward 💗

i’m in need of some advice, if you’re comfortable sharing !! i saw your recent post abt how you’re greyaro, and i was wondering how you came to that conclusion? i’ve always thought i was aro/ace (like ... since i was 11, and i’m almost 18 now), but was always brushed off because i was too young, i simply haven’t met the right person, etc., all valid criticisms of course, so i waited ... and i know i’m still very young and haven’t even seen a fraction of what life has to offer, but it seems like nothing has changed. i’ve never had a crush (at least, on a real person ... fictional characters are another story lol), and in fact, i’m very in love with romance as a CONCEPT, when it’s a story/poem/movie/etc., but the idea of actually practicing it is ... gross, ngl. even the idea of KISSING someone (let alone all the other stuff) grosses me out, i cringe whenever i see a couple kiss, whether that’s fictional or irl, simply because it doesn’t appeal to me.

i’ve had many guy friends have feelings for me and all it does is make me uncomfortable, because ... i want to just have friends, i’m not interested in anyone, platonic relationships in practice mean a lot more to me than romantic relationships. but then again, i also do crave falling in love and finding my soulmate, tho i don’t know if that’s because i WANT to or because that’s what’s expected of me, if that makes sense?

i don’t know if i worded myself correctly, and you’re completely free to not respond, of course !! if anything, i’m just grateful to get all this off my chest, lol, you’re quite a safe space for people to just ... speak and know they’re not going to be met with judgment, you’re amazing that way 💗

!!! hello my sweet anon !!!!! 💗  i’m doing alright today!!! thank you for checking in!!!!!

and thank you for trusting me enough to share your thoughts and ask for some advice!!! i don’t mind sharing at all!!! especially if there’s a chance it might help somehow!!! i’m putting it under a ‘read more’ because it ended up getting a little long (sorry about that)!!! 💗

honestly!!! i felt really similarly to how you’re feeling now!!!  i never really dated in middle and high school.  a part of me wanted to! i had crushes on people, and i loved the idea of being in a romantic relationship, but i got asked out several times and i got anxious about it every single time. there was once or twice when i was younger when i said yes to being somebody’s girlfriend, but i just ended up panicking about it for several days until i broke it off. 

i didn’t really think about it a whole lot! each time i said yes to someone asking me out, i hadn’t had a crush on them for very long before that, and i thought maybe i was just moving into things too fast and that’s why i was uncomfortable. or they just weren’t right for me. also! i have an anxiety disorder! and i was sure that played into things too. dating was new to me, and new things make me nervous. i figured i’d get older and come into my own and things would settle down.

but it kept happening!  every time i got asked out, it would fill me with an overwhelming sense of dread. it would reduce me to tears. i hated it. and it didn’t matter who asked! there were times where i was sure i had a crush on someone, but then they made a move on me, and it was like a switch flipped. the attraction was gone, just like that. i didn’t understand it. i thought maybe that’s just what relationships were like. that they all started out uncomfortable, and if i pushed through it, i’d come out on the other side and i’d actually enjoy them. but i really didn’t want to do that!

i ended up browsing the arospec tags more and more. i came across the term ‘lithromantic’ and kept that in the back of my mind for a long time.  i’ve always developed crushes on people! but when it came to the people around me that i crushed on, it never felt good when it was acted on. and when it came to unattainable people that i crushed on, like celebrities and fictional characters, i started to think that i liked them because they were unattainable, which meant they were safe.

and honestly, i might have stuck with ‘lithromantic’ as a label, but i started leaning towards grey aro / grey ace because i ended up having two positive experiences with romance and affection! they’re a little long so i won’t include them and make this response any longer than it already is but! if you’re curious to hear about them just lemme know! all that really matters is! they helped me realize that you’re supposed to enjoy romantic relationships. when it’s right, it will feel right. and yeah, it might make you nervous! but it’ll be a different kind of nervous. when i had these positive experiences, i wasn’t filled with dread like i had been previously. i was happy! i was excited! i realized that all my previous experiences weren’t just me being anxious, or me being too picky, or me trying to self sabotage my romantic relationships by making a big deal out of things that weren’t a big deal, they really were not right for me. my positive experiences helped me realize that i am capable of romantic attraction, but it’s few and far between. it’s the exception, not the rule.

so. everything you’re saying makes PERFECT sense.  i get it. i get it!!! 

it can be a process to figure out, but i wanna share a few things that have helped me on my journey. and hopefully they will help you too !!!

1. i said this before, but i wanna reiterate it !!! romantic relationships are supposed to be enjoyable for you. they’re supposed to bring something to your life. they’re supposed to be fun! you’re supposed to like the person that you’re with, and look forward to being with them! and obviously relationships will have rough patches, things won’t be perfect all the time, but at the very core of it, you should feel good. if you don’t, then there is no reason to be in one. i used to think that i was missing out because i wasn’t dating when everyone else was, but you’re not missing out if you don’t want it in the first place!

2. you can adore romance and still be arospec !!! it really is a spectrum, and there are so many places to fall on it. like! i love romance SO MUCH. i talk about it. i write about it. i read about it. i watch movies and tv shows about it. i crave it for myself !!! and i’m still arospec!!! some arospec people love it, some hate it, some want it, some are repulsed by it !!! some are all of the above, just depends on the day! and there is no wrong way to be. if you like it, if you want it too, that’s okay. if you’re not sure if you want it, that’s okay too! it’s okay to explore that !!! regardless of what answer you come to, it doesn’t mean that you can’t be arospec. 

3. i think if i waited until i was 100% sure that i was arospec before identifying as grey aro, i wouldn’t ever. there was a very long period of time where i held off on using the label because i thought maybe in a year, two years, three years, i’d date more and i’d have good experiences and i’d realize that i was wrong. but there will always be the possibility that i’ll date more and i’ll decide that i’m not arospec. and that’s okay. i’ve been using the label for about 6 months now and it feels right to me. it feels like it makes sense. but ultimately! it’s okay if one day i feel like it doesn’t! it’s okay if i do change my mind one day! it’s okay if i decide that i was wrong! it’s okay if i decide that maybe i was arospec for a while but i’m not anymore! our identities are fluid. we grow and we adapt and we change, and there is nothing wrong with that. it does not invalidate who we are or who we think we are or who we were or who we thought we were. 

this has been a very long way of me saying !!!  my journey was long, and it is ongoing! and it is okay if you are in the same boat! it is okay if you’re not sure, it is okay if you are never sure! the most important thing is trusting yourself and doing what you feel is right. sometimes that looks like talking things out. sometimes that looks like trying labels on. sometimes that looks like not dating. there is no wrong answer here !!! 

i’m sorry again that this got so long, my friend !!!  but i wish you luck as you explore who you are and what you want, and i hope that you know i will always be here to offer advice or support whenever you need it!!! 💗

[punkrockinchairs]

So, I’m thinking about joining a church and as somebody who left the Catholic Church at 18 and only waves at it these days, there’s a lot of Huh? Going on in my mind. What's up with this urge?

!!! i’m so glad you like my readings enough to get another one 💖💖💖

so, i did a full ten-card celtic cross spread for this one, since the issues go a little deeper than a first date lmao. buuuuuut my deck seems to think ur fuckin awesome, so that’s the first thing to take away from this reading.

since this is a more complicated question & thus a more complicated spread, i’m gonna go over some general impressions first, then go through each card individually, and then talk abt the interactions btwn them!! under the cut bc it’s preeeeetty long lmfao

the way the celtic cross typically works is that it’s subdivided into a couple sections: the first two cards represent the querent (that’s you), the next four represent your state of mind, and the four after that represent external influences & suggestions. (biddytarot has a great how-to article abt reading this spread if u want a better/more specific idea of it.)

so first of all, i drew the fool for you again lmao, which leads me to believe you’re a person who is incredibly open to new ideas & experiences. also, it’s one of FIVE major arcana cards that i drew for this reading, which is rly rare (at least for me?? i usually get more face cards) but makes sense for a question like this one & also leads me to believe that you have incredible strength of character. secondly, i drew 3 cards from the suit of wands and drew 2 cards from cups (again, lmao) which suggests to me that you are a very compassionate idealist unafraid of taking action & making change.

the first card i drew, as i mentioned, was the fool. i told you before that it’s a card of possibility and adventure, and the fact that i drew it to represent you for this question is unsurprising to me—you’re thinking about making a Big change in your life and asking the hard questions. it seems to me that that’s a smart thing to do right now.

the second card in the celtic cross represents the challenge(s) you might be facing right now, and interestingly enough, i drew the tower here. it’s another card associated with change, but in a much more dramatic and specific sense than the fool. in this position it suggests to me—as you mentioned—that there was already a period of great change for you concerning religion, and it will likely be difficult for you again in the future—whether that’s a conflict of personal belief & church doctrine or something like difficulty finding the right place to worship remains to be seen.

the third card i drew, the knight of wands, represents your past in this spread. the suit of wands is traditionally associated with the element of fire, and thus with impulsivity and action (rather than pentacles, the suit of reason & logic, or cups, the suit of emotion and personal relationships). the court cards/face cards are interesting to interpret because they’re just as likely to represent a person (you or someone else) as they are an event or energy like other cards typically do (with some exceptions). in this case, given what you told me already, i would say that despite the fact that i drew it upright, it’s likely that it represents a figure of authority in your religious past—maybe a priest, but also potentially a relative or someone you knew through the church—who caused strife and difficulty in your relationship with religion, or the event or realization that caused you to leave the church when you did.

this card is indicative of the near future—not necessarily the outcome of your current course of action, but something that you will encounter soon no matter what you do. i drew judgement here, which, despite its scary name, is actually a very positive card! it indicates a period of self reflection—a sort of “come to Jesus” moment, if you will 😆—which is necessary to move forward in life. it seems to me to be suggesting that you take some serious time to think about your options before you make a decision; not necessarily that one option is right & one is wrong, but certainly that you should weigh them carefully & make sure to do what’s best/right for YOU.

the card in the top of the cross is said to stand for what you want out of your situation, and here i drew the three of cups. as i said before, cups is the suit of emotion and interpersonal relationships, and the threes of each suit tend to represent a coming together (though in different ways for each, lol). it seems to me that it’s important to you to have the community that a church or other religious organization can offer, and i would say that pursuing that is wonderful! (i personally am not super religious, but i’m in a choir at a local church for that exact reason. 😉)

the card at the bottom of the cross, conversely, represents not a goal but your subconscious mind—the things that drive or motivate you, or the reasons /why/ you do what you do. here i drew the page of wands, which is doubly interesting since i already drew the knight of the same suit! this card typically represents the spark of a new idea, before any action has been taken to realize it. the fact that i drew it in a position almost as opposite its knight as possible is a really interesting omen to me—it suggests that you are ready to move on from whatever it was that caused you to leave the church in the first place, and find or carve out a new place for yourself in a system; either the same one (catholicism) or one entirely new & different.

7: this card is the card of advice, and funnily enough, i drew the lovers! i mentioned in your last reading that it’s the most romantic card, and while that /is/ true, it also symbolizes relationships of all kinds. here and now in this reading, it suggests to me that now is EXACTLY the right time for you to build a new relationship with religion!

the eighth card in this spread is meant to tell about external influences that might be affecting your views, experiences, thoughts, actions; etc. here i drew the five of wands, which incidentally is one of the cards (besides the tower) that is truly representative of strife, difficulty, and change. it tells me that whatever conclusion you come to, it will be a long and arduous process to get there since you are coming to it from a place of—idk exactly what? mistrust? a feeling of betrayal, maybe? but whatever the case, you have a long and thoughtful road ahead.

i drew the strength card in the position associated with hopes and/or fears, which is both unsurprising and (imo) a positive omen! it’s a suggestion that, because of your experiences (with religion and otherwise), you have an unquenchable strength of spirit/will. no matter what happens, you have forever been affected or even changed by your relationship to religion—and for the better.

finally, i drew the queen of cups. the card in this last position is meant to represent the outcome of your current course, and the queen of cups is a figure of emotional maturity and compassion; the ability to find common ground with just about anyone. she suggests to me that, by thinking about this kind of thing, you are on the right path and may reach a kind of enlightenment—whether that means rejoining a church or just figuring our your own personal spirituality or belief system, thinking about those kinds of things is the right thing to do for yourself right now. of course, you may decide that it’s too much to handle at the moment, but the queen of cups tells me that no matter your decision or realization, you will likely make the healthiest, smartest choice for YOU, and that’s what really matters. 💜💜💜

sooooo, all that said, overall this reading says to me that, whatever your eventual choice, you’re on the right path. the fact that the outcome card (the queen of cups) is in harmony with your aspirations (the three of cups) and both your near future (judgement) and your hopes (strength) says to me that thinking about this, even with all of the “huh???” that it brings, is the right thing to do. if nothing else, it’s likely that you’ll learn & grow from this thought process, and your emotional maturity will only increase with whatever decision you make.

the fact that i drew FIVE cards from the major arcana is indicative of how Big and Serious this will be for you, so don’t worry if answers don’t come to you right away—take your time to REALLY think about the question you’re asking and the answer you want to receive, and know that whatever conclusion you come to, it will be the right one for the present time.

also, given the last reading i would say definitely continue to take care of yourself during this process!!! take a bubble bath once a week (or whatever) when you want to really think about this—surround yourself with positive energies and completely immerse yourself in the questions you have, because that is how you will find peace and understanding. 💖💖💖

[emerssn-blog1]

hey fam !!! it me hanna & this is my new son (but more accurately fATHER) emerson !! i’m honestly so hyped to play him so hmu for plots :~~~) pls :~)

i’m not the only one who just saw milo ventimiglia walk by, right ? oh, wait, that was emerson beckett. i don’t know much about them besides that they’re thirty two years old and moved into golden horizons six years ago. everyone calls them the recluse because they’re reticent and solitary, but also altruistic and adroit. i’ve also heard he is currently a coffee shop owner and identifies as cis male.

k so this is emerson!!! he was born in a rly rly small town in georgia into a really big family!! edit: he was born on a farm this is an important detail otherwise none of thise makes sense lmao

im talkin big like .. he had six other siblings & he lived with many of his other relatives as well

he basically grew up in a very small gated neighbourhood - the kind where u go to school with the exact same small group of kids every year, u know all of ur neighbours stories and their parents know u and everyone’s just pals nd practically family

from a young age, emerson rly rly loved school strangely?? his family never considered it that much of a priority but emerson genuinely loved it and learned very quickly!! he read things on his own (anything he could get his hands on), lit knew the most useless random facts and would go around sharing them and yea sdjfjfsd he was a nerd since early on 

he was always interested in learning. for the rest of his family, after high school, it meant they were gonna continue working on the farm & carry on w what their parents do. but emerson wanted to venture out...learn more abt the rest of the world...

emerson finished his schooling quickly & graduated when he was 17 !! he wanted to go to university and move to the city and make his dreams of becoming a vet come true but his parents...disapproved 

so he stayed for another yr and planned on moving out on his own when he was 18!! 

another detail to note tho was that from childhood, he met the Ultimate Love of his Life. her name was savannah !! 

anyways she dreamed of moving to the city too?? it was always a thing of theirs to leave together nd live together it was very hopeful but yanno they didn’t know any better

when he was 18, sav and emerson moved to nyc !! emerson wanted to study biology nd she wanted to become an actress :-) his parents were still very much opposed but they supported him financially in regards to tuition, bc they highly doubted he’d last for very long

they were right , it was hella difficult ?? they didn’t help him out very much w money besides tuition so he was working a lot while studying

it wasn’t an ideal situation but he still got to live in the city, with his gf, and it was hard but he refused to prove his parents right?? so he stayed and worked rly rly hard but slowly his parents stopped financially supporting him as they gradually realized his choice was final

when he was in his 3rd yr of uni tho sav became pregnant .. so emerson naturally came to the conclusion that they can’t afford for him to go to school when he’s gotta work to support them & their baby so he dropped out rip

yea so now he’s working even MORE and it’s stressful and they can barely pay bills or do ... anything really

so even after the baby was born, they lived paycheck to paycheck. emerson never really bothered telling his family about his situation tbh

when their kid ( her name is theadora aka thea !! ) was four years old tho, savannah died after bein involved in a nasty car accident :( it was obviously very hard on both thea and emerson

in need of a fresh start, emerson moved to sf. he was still broke tho lol 

so yea !! he moved into golden horizons w thea and started workin in a coffee shop. over the yrs, he moved up positions & got highkey close w the owner but as the owner passed away 2 yrs ago, he was given the shop nd still runs it today!!

now its lowkey a mix of a coffee shop & a cheap book shop/library?? he collects all his faves heh

in general he’s still .. a pretty upbeat person he’s just a lil worn out bc life was....definitely not everything he ever dreamed of being and he’s sort of had to settle because of what was given to him but !! he isn’t like super emo about it u know he doesn’t like to think about it too much

he loves bein in the city but at heart is still a southern boy?? rly old fashioned bad w technology loves the outdoors loves nature and animals all that good stuff

he’s so sefless like he feels so guilty if he does something for himself?? esp after having a kid and even after living on his own w sav, he’s used to giving up stuff and making sacrifices for other people so ,, he just feels like someone else deserves help more than him?? someone gotta remind him to take care of himself too

tbh emerson has a lot of surface lvl relationships but not a lot of super deep ones just bc he’s so bad at maintaining relationships and unless someone initiates it then he hates making the first move bc he feels awkward and like he’s bein annoying 

but if he loves u he will stick with u no matter WHAT ,, for real

probs seems annoyed sometimes but rly he’s just in his thoughts too much nd in actuality is very nice !! 

literally carries around snacks everywhere just in case also probs hands out water bottles .. he is everyones dad ok

possible connections!!

any ex plot tbh but specifically, ex-fiance or ex- very very serious relationship?? i could see them having gotten into the relationship a few months or so after emerson moved to sf ( or anytime, really ) and things got pretty Real but in the end emerson wasn’t prepared to go all the way and ended things

ride or die - i live for brotps!!!! or any bff plots!!!!! give me all of them!!!!

friends w benefits?? emerson’s never gonna put a label on it and maybe ur muse feels the same way so for now they’re just foolin around ,, havin fun

like a lil sibling sort of?? just someone that emerson’s super protective of bc he’s the ultimate dad friend tbh. let him be ur designated driver for when ur drunk & lecture u on making responsible decisions

if ur neighbours with this boi hit me up

if ur chara lived in ny back in the day then maybe they were also really good pals with his ex gf aka the mother of his child?? that would be interesting bc emerson is still really attached

his bad influence ~~ the one that convinces him 2 take one night for himself, make dumb choices nd wake up the next morning not remembering anything!!

JUST PLOT WITH ME THX