#lol there must be a part in it where stuff don't make sense

[thatonethimbo]

a random nya x reader 'cause i'm gay as f-

The horizon stretched on and on, the cerulean blue of the ocean meeting the lazuli blue of the skies above. Leaning on the railing of the Destiny's Bounty, deep in thought, as though you were stuck in a trance, you observed the shimmering surface of the sea.

A breeze lightly brushed against your cheek, swaying parts of your hair with it, you giggled before a strand of hair almost ended up being inhaled. Darn. With a cough, a grumble escaped you.

The old wooden boards of the deck creaked too loudly behind, you whipped around in response to spot Nya, your girlfriend of two going on three years. She still looked as captivating as the day you first knew her. It wasn't an instant falling in love, but rather a slow burn that was worth all the while. Friends at the start, and now lovers.

The Master of Water warmly smiled as she approached, stopping when she was only a meter away- and yet you wanted her to be a bit closer. Her eyes, reminiscent of the water she controlled, flecks of blue amidst a stormy grey, continued to intrigue you even to this day.

You didn't realise you had been staring until a hand touched one of your own. Its owner was unsurprisingly Nya, who then placed a finger under your chin to lift your head so both of your gazes could meet.

''You really like staring at me, huh,'' Nya murmured, loud enough for you to hear. ''I could almost say we were together.''

''That hit too close to home!'' You playfully whine, pretending to be hurt as you lightly batted at the Master of Water, who for a moment took a step back and with trained ninja skill, evaded your ''attacks''. She let one attack hit, and let out a horribly fake groan of pain.

Both of you attempted to hold back your laughter as the play-fighting continued, each side growing more ridiculous in the attacks, with you ducking down the deck to then come back out with silly string Jay had hidden in his part of the ship.

The Master of Water was not prepared. She didn't see it coming as you sprayed silly string all over her face, and on her hair for good measure. Finally, the two of you let out your laughter, collapsing onto the deck, clutching your chests from all the pain. Despite this, it felt so good at this moment.

When the laughter (and the pain stitches from such) died down, you sat up, with Nya following your example. Her hand went to yours, and you gently grabbed her hand, holding it in yours. A nice silence followed as you were enjoying each other's presence.

Nya then pointed finger guns with her other hand, water shooting out from the tip of her pointer finger and splashing onto your recently dried clothes. You dramatically gasped as the Master of Water shot you a smug grin, which you retaliated with by spraying the last of the silly string onto her.

Some of it missed the Water Ninja due to the fact Nya had redirected it by using her element. You stood up, glaring at the now empty silly string container. A snort escaped Nya, but she was quick to be silent as you turned and walked below deck.

Of course, she followed you. You were no stranger to that, knowing her. Going into your room, she copied what you did as you flopped down onto your bed. One of her muscular arms flopped onto your chest by accident, and in an instant, you were winded, letting out a wheeze. Regaining your breath was all of a sudden difficult as her face was above your own.

Well, heck. You couldn't help observing how her eyes examined you from above, warmth growing underneath your very skin while you lay there, stunned by the beauty aloft. Then, slowly, she cupped your cheeks, moving in closer as she repositioned herself to do so.

Softly, it came from her lips. ''May I kiss you?" A slight nod and that was all she needed, irresistibly sweet lips meeting your own in a gentle embrace, your hands going up to clasp behind her neck as her hands went around your waist, holding you close. The sensation had never faded, even after all these years. Eyes closed in bliss, the faint scent of sea salt wrapping you in it like the tide to the sands that came and went, washing all it covered with the ocean's reach.

When the two of you pulled away, Nya ran her thumb along your jaw, then leaned her forehead on yours. It was just you. And her. Kept in the ocean's embrace forevermore.

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

Just curious, Why won’t you write Sylvain and Claude fics?

I've talked about it before from similar asks, here and here! I'd just be regurgitating the same answers basically lol.

[saerotonins]

biggest scandals they have faced

ft. actor!nanami kento, fushiguro toji x wife!reader (separated) 

content warnings: fluff, light angst, jjk actor au, celebrity issues, cheating allegations, divorce allegations, none of them are true, misogyny, mentions of infertility, just cruel stuff based on the issues i see online, slightly suggestive (making out), toji and wife call each other "ma" and "pa", mentions/hinting of sex, internet trolls, horrible people online, pls don't read if these issues are triggering to you, shitty article names lol

wc: 2052

note: this got too long, will do other parts for the other actors instead <33 happy holidays, everyone!

NANAMI KENTO:

Jujutsu Kaisen Star Nanami Kento Facing Trouble in Paradise: Leads to Divorce

to say he was irritated when he saw the headlines from the tabloids was an understatement, he is beyond livid. but the comments just made everything worse.

user_1: wow aren't they married for years already? maybe his wife can't conceive any babies? LOL

user_2: must be, or maybe nanami's just realized his wife is just using him for his actor money 

user_3: the wife doesn't know to make a sandwich i fear 

user_4: maybe he got tired of his wife's ugly face, no wonder he hides it from the internet hahaha

kento doesn't give a fuck if people were dragging his name left and right but god forbid it involves you, his loving wife who has been nothing but utterly supportive of his career. for someone who stuck by his side for years, it angers him that people immediately assume that you were the problem. he knows the news isn't true, he literally just cuddled with you last night, so to say that you were getting a divorce almost makes him laugh if it weren't how stupid this situation is. 

when his manager informed him about the situation, he immediately cancelled every schedule that he has for today, he will call the lawyers to settle this later but for now, his main focus is you. 

you are someone who is used to the privacy of your own space which is why you opted to keep your face off his socials and remain anonymous to the eyes of his fans. kento hates it that your peace is getting disturbed due to his stardom, so he is willing to drop everything just to go home to you and comfort you. no one knows who you really are but the way it made people talk like they do, makes him angry. no way his wife is going to be disrespected like this.

the moment kento opens the door the your shared home, he's panting, sweat evident in his forehead and worry present in his eyes as he looks at you across the living room, sitting on the couch with your phone in your hands. 

"shit," he thought, he knows you already saw the news, and worse the comments. he can tell just by your body language. your eyes sunken in sadness and your lips form a frown. he doesn't see it but he knows your heart is breaking too.

"honey," kento breathes out as he walks towards you. he knows you heard him, but you stay in your position, disbelief flooding your senses. suddenly, you came back to reality when you feel kento's warm embrace, his large and quick hands getting rid of your phone before placing it on your head and immediately feeling his chest against your head.

his breathing his ragged, unstable deep breaths as he tells you, "it's gonna be okay," and a thousand apologies to go with it. you nod instead, finding yourself difficult to talk. you opt to rub onto his arm, a silent reply to his comforting and kento seems to understand your gesture. he then kisses the crown of your head as he pulls you tighter in his embrace.

"am i holding you back, kento?" you asked, your voice quite muffled as you speak through his button down blouse.

"oh god, darling you will never hold me back, if anything, you keep me moving. don't listen to them, alright? i'm happy and contented to where we are right now, don't worry about it." he lets go of the embrace and cups your face with both of his hands. he looks at you with loving eyes as he brushes your lower lip with his thumb. you close your eyes as he leaned closer, then you finally felt his lips against yours. he gives a peck, another, and then a third one before he crashes his lips onto you for the last time as he takes his time to explore your mouth.

kento knows a lot of ways to apologize, and this is one of them. he is gentle, but his love is loud as he allows his tongue clash against yours, the wet squelch filling up the room as he allows himself to be drunk with your lips.

when kento lets go, his breathing is heavy but satisfied. "i'll take care of everything from then on, okay?" he says as he caresses your face and a smile creeps to his face when you lean towards his touch with a nod. "will you be releasing a statement?" you ask.

"yeah, i'll contact our lawyer about it and then we'll see what we can do." his answer earned a curt nod from you. kento noticed pursed your lips, obviously thinking about something.

"are you still bothered by the comments?"

"no, i mean, i'm a bit upset about how people were talking about me online but i'm just curious as to where all this came from." 

"hmm, yeah, we'll take care of that too, for now, just rest your pretty mind and always remember that i will never leave you. that okay?" his gentle voice makes your heart feel full, and that's you know that your husband will always be at your beck and call. "yeah." you answered as you give his lips a quick peck, "i love you," you added.

"i love you too."

not a even a day later, the JJK LABEL had released a statement and an article regarding the fake news that had surfaced.

Nanami Kento Slams Fake Divorce Article: "Don't project your problems in your love life through me and my wife."

"the article itself and the comments are horrible and people are stupid enough to believe something that came from a tabloid known to release fake news. maybe this just tells about how gullible and stupid people are for believing groundless rumors and not my relationship." the artist stated.

"to everyone involved in the release of this article, we will see you on court and i hope you have any evidence about your claim. to the people who threw disgusting comments about my wife, please worry how alone you are instead of snooping around our relationship." he adds.

that day, kento's fanbase rejoice as the tabloids finally got their karma when it was reported that their company was finally shut down.

FUSHIGURO TOJI:

it was a normal day in the fushiguro household until megumi bursts in through the door with a loud and resounding—

"dad, what the fuck?" 

"megumi, language, please!" you warned him.

your word goes through megumi's ears and went to his dad who is currently lounging in the living room reading his script. he paid his son's words no mind and gave him a raised eyebrow, urging him to continue.

"your name is all over tabloids because of a forum post. look," megumi says as he faces his phone screen to toji's face. to say that he's horrified to what he just saw is an understatement. so, with a worry mind, you go behind toji's lounging chair and read what's on the screen.

Acting Veteran 'T' Caught in An Affair! 

At the night of Tuesday, Actor 'T' is caught leaving a hotel with a seemingly younger woman clinging on his arms. The two are being lovey-dovey in their Shibuya rendezvous. Actor 'T' is currently married with a child which makes everything even more scandalous. What would actor 'T'’s wife and child think about this? Seems like the man really took a liking towards sneaking away with younger women.

Actor 'T'’s identity will be released by [MM/DD/YY] so stay tuned! For now, let us know your thoughts below.

user_1: actor veteran and the code is T? must be toji then?

user_2: this is definitely toji lmfao he looks like someone who would fool a younger woman

user_3: his wife must be so rusty now so he's running to the younglings LOL

user_4: respect for having the balls to cheat on his wife after this long, ik his ass is itching

user_5: @user_4 LMFAO should've done it sooner! bet he doesn't want to pay child support so he's staying 😂

user_6: NOOOO the GOAT got caught damn we were rooting for u 👑

"what the fuck?" both you and toji's voice were erupting in the whole room. out of shock? anger? rage? megumi is not sure but there is one thing he's sure of, both of you are being scary right now and the red in both of you and husband's eyes are almost showing due to the high range of emotions you were both feeling right now.

despite knowing that toji is utterly in love with you and he was actually with you that day, it scares him that his father is facing this kind of scandal. people are horrible out there trying to ruin his father's career that he worked hard on and this is the proof.

toji might be used to having false rumors spread about him all over the years he is in the acting industry, but what he can't take is people talking shit about his wife and thinking less about her. the comments that he just read just woke up the rage inside of him.

"mom?" megumi had called you since it's been minutes when you had gone quiet. the sight before him broke his heart. 

your eyes are trying not to let your tears fall, but the comments are too hurtful to ignore, too cruel to set aside. even though you know that it's covered with a codename (barely), you exactly know it's your husband that they are talking about. you're hurt about the comments but you're most scared of your husband's career coming to a screeching halt.

you suddenly feel your husband hug you so tight and you let it all out. his shirt might get damped but toji doesn't care, comforting his wife comes first. he then tells megumi, "call our lawyer, tell him what we just saw, they'll know what to do," megumi frantically nods and gets out of the house to do what toji had said.

"come on, ma, let's go and get some rest." toji had urged you to go with him.

"pa, this is so ridiculous, i know you know how to deal with these but this is just too much, they're targeting our family now." the sadness in your voice and the tears that flow through face break toji's heart. you don't deserve this. these assholes needed to be taught a lesson, and he knows he won't be nice about it. "i'll take care of this, 'kay? i love you and megs so much, angel."

toji's voice somehow calmed your senses and you let yourself cry in his arms until you're left with no tears. "i'm sorry, i'm too old to cry like this." you said as you try to wipe the remnants of your tears from your face.

"no one's too old to cry, darling," toji coos, glad that you're finally able to calm down, and caresses the back of your head. then, a sly smirk forms on his lips, "you know what else we're not too old for?" 

genuinely curious, you look up to him, "what?" you asked. 

toji leaned down and whispered, "another child, think we can give megumi a sibling?" and gave you a mischievous look.

"toji!" you exclaimed as you smack his chest, flustered of his words. 

"gross, get a room, and is now really the time for this?" you suddenly let go of yourself from toji's grasp the moment you heard megumi back in the living room. toji chuckled, "i got it all covered, both of you rest up and i will deal with all of this." toji walked towards where megumi is standing and gives his head a gentle pat, "no one's gonna ruin us, alright?" 

the conviction in toji's voice made it clear to both of you and megumi that he already has a plan in mind, and you trust him enough to believe him. he has never let the both of you down, after all.

the next day, news break out the the person who posted the rumor on the online forum is caught with other criminal charges aside from the defamation he just attempted to do. the horrible comments also seem to magically disappear.

Fushiguro Toji Busts Down Anonymous User, Other Criminal Charges Involved

"I hope this serves as a lesson to everyone else. I'm not backing down until everyone gets what they deserve for ruining the names of the people I care about. I will not let go until every single horrible person who rises their tongue against my family is punished." Toji stated.

"Be careful what you read and comment online, please don't forget that the people you talk about are not just subjects, but real human beings." The veteran actor added.

the fake news spreader should have really known not to deal with a veteran who is powerful enough to protect the people he cherishes.

edit: i just noticed that i wasn't able to add the ending to toji's part 😭 my apologies, i fixed it now!

[4dbarbie-archive]

4dbarbie remix: How to realise Self?

Disclaimer: This remix/mashup post was compiled by me, a student of 4dbarbie as a way to make sense of everything and to understand how to apply the knowledge practically. I went through all her posts and answered asks to make this which is made up of various parts of 25 49 (omg lol there was a lot of good stuff) different posts and answered asks. It is not an original post by 4dbarbie herself but all words are directly from her various posts and answered asks (except for my clarification notes which are in purple text in brackets & the last section after the last divider where I make some closing comments). Hopefully the way I've organised the information in this post makes sense and helps some Vanessas out there. ♡

Fair warning as this is a pretty long post essay (!) so maybe grab a cup of tea or something :) If you are really new to all this then take some time to really process it, there is no rush. My personal notes and highlights are in pink for main points and purple for 'action' points.

May we all realize our Self ♡

There would be no steps necessary, no process to undertake if you would just establish yourself in the I AM alone. You are so lost in your play you forget reality. 1 If you are "I AM", it means you are not the person experiencing the world/thoughts/circumstances, you never were. 2

The external world, you control it (because it is you!, in you), you make it, fully, even when you tell yourself you don't. 3 To know yourself as the source of all that is, you have to first remove the veil of what's stopping you from seeing it in the first place. To know your real being, you have to first abandon what you thought yourself to be. 4 There is no external life, there is no need to use any methods to recondition or train your mind. It is much faster, much easier and you are hundreds times happier just letting go of the mind. 5 The process is one of letting go more and more until you find yourself having nothing, being nothing. The thing about nothing though is that it's the only thing that can take the shape of everything. 6

A jeweler who wants to refashion an ornament, first melts it down to shapeless gold. Similarly, one must return to one's original state before a new name and form can emerge. The only way to renewal lies through destruction. You must melt down the old jewellery into formless gold before you can mold a new one. What refuses to die cannot be reborn. - I Am That, Nisargadatta Maharaj 7

Stop thinking you are Vanessa, the thoughts of needing this or that drop away. By thinking you are it, you create a character who desires and then identify yourself with it. You can only have when you let go of thinking that you don't. To change, you need to give up this conviction of being this person. You need to disbelieve. 9

Most of you can't change because you are so desperate TO change... but there is nothing to want to change. Things just are. Don't work with changing self, just realize who self actually is. 10

You have it, all is well. Just stop believing the illusions born out of thinking you're a person. 11

Unless they understand who they really are, that Vanessa is a habit and nothing more - that nothing has existence outside of awareness, including her, that awareness assigns reality and is the only reality - they're always going to struggle to control something and get frustrated they don't see what they think they're aware of. What you're aware of is what you're being. You can't be aware of being something new while also being Vanessa. 12

Knowing is being. If you really knew, the thing you knew would be materialized. You know you are Vanessa so you're being Vanessa. Would you want Vanessa if you were her? No. You are her so you don't desire her. And you won't be able to be Vanessa 2.0 if you don't shed this Vanessa first. That is, let go of thinking the thoughts are yours. 8

Your memories of the life Vanessa lived are now and not in a past. You are imagining her past being now. Her past exists now because you are aware of it now. If you were Lara you would be aware of a different past, still now. Basically there was no yesterday and you are imagining "a past having been" today. 13

Anon: "Do I have to endure the world while I know my self as awareness and disbelieve that I am Vanessa???" Ada: THE POINT OF KNOWING YOURSELF AS AWARENESS IS TO DO WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT AT ALL TIMES, FOREVER. It's complete, incomparable freedom and power. It's the only real love. 14

You are either your Self with nothing attached to it or you're an ego. Disbelieve you were ever her. See what happens. 41

A lot of beliefs are subconscious. "I am a body", "I am Vanessa", "There is a world" are all subconscious, automatic beliefs. Upon investigation you can get rid of any belief (by making them conscious and then dropping them). 15 How do you drop a belief? (see part 1 and part 2)

HOW TO STOP?

The body and the mind are only symptoms of ignorance, of misapprehension. Behave as if you were pure awareness, bodiless and mindless, spaceless and timeless, beyond 'where' and 'when' and 'how'. Dwell on it, think of it, learn to accept its reality. Don't oppose it and deny it all the time. Keep an open mind at least. Make your mind and body express the real which is ALL and beyond all. By doing, you succeed. - I Am That, Nisargadatta Maharaj

You need not take time to meditate or put time aside to contemplate and "apply". All you need to do is detach from this form during the day, let life happen as it happens while reminding yourself it's a dream, a dream that doesn't have to be yours. 16 It is your own desire to hold on to it that creates the problem. Let go. Stop imagining that the dream is yours. As long as you give reality to dreams, you are their slave; see all as a dream and stay out of it. 17

You imagine that there is an external world in which the you that you're identified with lives, but all of that is in your mind. Stop imagining it's true and it dissolves, which can only mean it never was. Which can only mean you assigned reality to it by thinking you're it 18

I've said it before, you don't have to convince Vanessa that she's unreal. Just stop taking the thoughts you don't like for truth or reality. There is no convincing involved, it is all letting go... you're holding so tightly onto your ideas now, that's why you can't see their falsity. 19 You don't have to convince anyone of anything. What I teach here is to leave your mind alone, that is all. Don't go along with it. 2 Thoughts will keep on coming for a while, just now you know they have nothing to do with you. Get into a habit of watching, letting them be but not identifying with them. If you can observe them, it means you are not them. 32 Doesn't matter what the thought is, leave it alone, ignore it BUT not by force of will, just indifference. We've established you aren't the ego, alright? Thoughts, right now, are from the ego. 20

Thoughts of the past life come, remember they no longer have anything to do with you. Literal full delusion (I only call it that because after being identified with a person for so long, it's mind-blowing to grasp you are not that). Thoughts are not yours, complete indifference - no need to fight them. Where they come from, none of your business. Only know they are not yours. YOU not being in your desired reality is a thought, got it? This body and this world are not forced onto you, they exist through your identification with them. Not yours, remember? Repeat. Not yours. You won't lose your mind, you'll only lose your misery. After you've detached, you'll easily shift to as many realities as you want - don't put any on a pedestal of desire, they are equal. See this world and the body as not real first. What is true is only what I AM is identified with, right now this body which is not in that TV show (referring to anon's desire). Correct this first by letting go of thinking it's you. 21

You don't need to convince yourself they're unreal, just dismiss them as not yours. They will disappear more and more through your newfound indifference, then their physical counterparts will, too. Detachment is by doubt and indifference. First you start doubting "the facts", then you become indifferent to the facts, lastly there are no facts anymore and you can establish your own. 20

Start letting go bit by bit, just to see what happens, you won't start "acting crazy" just because you become uninterested in thoughts, I promise 22

What I recommend you to do is bring your self into focus, become aware of your own existence. See how you function, watch the motives and the results of your actions. Study the prison you have built around yourself because of credulity. By knowing what you are not, you come to know your self. The way back to your self is through refusal and rejection. 23

Here's a scale of emotions you go through, from bottom to top: apathy, grief, fear, hostility, anger, indifference, acceptance, freedom finally - and then unlimited, independent joy. You can review this to see where you are on the journey and what should come next. You can't skip them, all of them have to happen for you to have the all. 14

Do not try to understand any more, just be. And let other things be as they are. Even if you're not happy about what you see, there is no way around it besides accepting it. As long as you fight it and try so hard & incessantly to change it, you're only giving it further reality. 14

If you are angry or in pain, separate yourself from anger and pain and watch them. Step away and look. The physical events will go on happening, but by themselves they have no importance. It is your mind alone that matters. When you identify yourself with them, you are their slave, you think you have to act on them. When you stand apart, you are their master. 24

One thing is certain: the real is not imaginary, it is not a product of the mind. 23

You are beyond the mind. Mind and body become your servants once you discover your Self. The present moment is all that is, so yes - become aware of having never been the ego, of your ego being just one of your creations. Ego is the concept of individuality, of separation from the “I", and the All. Therefore ego is a false assumption. We are really the Supreme Reality, we are not separate from It. To "fix" the separation, reject what you are not. Only look at who you are, over and over and over until it becomes the permanent identification and replaces the ego. 25

Once you are convinced that you cannot say truthfully about your self anything except ‘I am’, and that nothing that can be pointed at, can be your self, the need for the ‘I am’ is over — you are no longer intent on verbalising what you are. All you need is to get rid of the tendency to define your self. All definitions apply to your body only and to its expressions. Once this obsession with the body goes, you will revert to your natural state, spontaneously and effortlessly. 23

Drop the false ideas first and watch. After what keeps you stuck goes, you can do whatever you want. You can think the ugliest thoughts and nothing will happen if you know yourself as who you are. It's your identification with the thought that causes the thought to be true. 26

The guilt is because you think you're running out of time and you need to change "your" life now. Be patient with yourself because you don't lose any time, just get to that place I'm telling you about and then you can just go back in time if you so wish. All worry is pointless! And there is nothing to fear, things just happen, do not claim them as yours for a while. Unclutter your mind, it becomes your servant after you've freed it enough. 27

She (Vanessa) will vanish yes, you ask how because you still think waking is more real than a dream. Do your dreams not vanish? Do you wonder how they vanish? They just stop existing all of a sudden when you go into another dream (waking). What if you've lived all your life as Ada and woke up one morning and were suddenly Vanessa with no memory of Ada, would you know anybody vanished? Nope. All you know is who you are right now (because present is all that is), which is Vanessa. 28 Leave poor Vanessa alone, with both her desires and fears, disbelieve you are her until reality becomes self-obvious.

By being your Self you gain the freedom of existing as anything, anytime. You don't lose Vanessa's pretty body if you don't want to stop imagining yourself as being Vanessa with her pretty body. 29

Nothing is lost, awareness just shifts. You can always go back. We're just removing the obstacles that stop you from having this freedom of choice (your identification with this person). You can completely wipe out Vanessa's existence as well. Later if you change your mind, you can make it so that she actually existed again. You are no form, you are formless, the form only is when you imagine there is a form, be your favorite form and dream beautiful dreams :) 30

There is no difference between sleeping and waking, awareness is the background of both. You just think the waking state more real because you've dreamt it over and over and reinforced your belief. They're equally imaginary. Become aware of this and life will forever be a breeze. 31

All depends on you. It is by your consent that the world exists. Withdraw your belief in its reality and it will dissolve like a dream. Cease from looking for happiness and reality in a dream and you will wake up. - I Am That, Nisargadatta Maharaj 17

Your next step will be realizing there is nothing to learn in a dream. You'll find yourself having less and less thoughts, then none at all. Then, only if you want, you will be able to reinstall the mind, now of your choice, and change the dream. 16

Past doesn't come up anymore, memories don't come up anymore after you've ignored (thoughts) & detached yourself enough. They just don't. You can think freely now about being something different. If you can't, don't get mad, don't blame, only know that the one that's doubting isn't you, so the doubts are totally fine to be. They'll be for a while and then they dissolve too, because by ignoring, not getting involved - you forget. And by forgetting not only do you free up so much mental space, but possibilities of what can be, become unnumbered. 36 Anon: Is it okay to feel completely indifferent after learning about this stuff? Like, not feeling as worried about what is playing in front of me since I know its not me Ada: That's the goal. Then become indifferent to the thoughts you get as well. Those aren't yours either. You'll become aware they've dissolved & you can reconstruct the mind however you want because you have no attachment to past beliefs anymore. 33

Even the process is very beautiful... but the very best is when your Self becomes the permanent background instead of Vanessa. Now you always return to Vanessa, later you'll forget to consider her ♡ Dream not of a character who wants and desires, there is nothing to long for — only things to be. 16

To not depend on anything but everything to depend on you is a top state you can grasp with no method. 5 The experience is of being empty, uncluttered by memories and expectations; it is like the happiness of open spaces, of being young, of having all the time and energy for doing things, for discovery, for adventure. A sense of 'there is nothing wrong with me. I have nothing to worry about'. But not one you condition yourself into like you conditioned yourself into a body, it is one that naturally and effortlessly dawns on you by itself when you reject all else, because it is your natural state. 34 Real freedom and real love only emerge when you're not identified with a transient ego. 35

All you are doing is becoming lucid. Becoming able to control the dream. You won't be able to, unless you step out of it. That is, stop thinking this story you tell yourself is true. When Vanessa is no longer all you are, you'll be able to 'change reality' the way you change the film in a video projector. You'll be able to have as much fun in the play as you want to, change it when you no longer want this one specifically. The emotions of the character are fun and welcomed, because they no longer imprison you, there's the background of love to it all - that once you gain, it can't be lost, it's ever present. 36

What you are identified with materializes. If you are not, it disappears. 37

Just let go of the ego, that’s how simple it is. All you need to fix is your wrong identification. There isn't anyone who couldn’t materialize anything right now if he or she would just let go of identifying as the limited body. 38

Only by letting go of all do you gain everything. But once it's done, it's done irreversibly. Fear is no more, control is fully yours. You are free, completely. And with the bliss of freedom no human pleasure compares. You become full love, full power. The absolute and only power. Sooner or later, you will arrive at the same conclusion. You can't stop being what you are, all else can stop existing, but you can't. The only thing you have a choice in is delaying seeing it by thinking you are this or that. Only see it (I Am), then you can imagine whatever you want and it will be. 39

If you project the world, it is within your power to change it. But you must stop identifying yourself with it first. Go beyond, then you have all the power to destroy and recreate. All everybody wants is to be free, but to do that you must know two things: what you are to be free from and what keeps you bound. 2

Your own self is your ultimate teacher, the outer teacher is merely a milestone. It is only your inner teacher that will walk with you to the goal, because he is the goal. - Nisargadatta Maharaj 40

Got more questions? Recommended reading:

Ada's recommended guides on realizing Self: 1, 2, 3

My recommended posts from Ada*: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

All references from the remix post

Books: I Am That by Nisargadatta Maharaj** and Keys to The Ultimate Freedom by Lester Levenson

*in addition to the sources linked in the post **a lot of her posts incorporate quotes and excerpts from this book, moreso than Lester Levenson's Keys to The Ultimate Freedom and she also shared a lot of excerpts from the book

What does this look like when applied?

Experience is the best teacher and learning from other's experiences and how they applied this knowledge can be really valuable and insightful. I don't define success based on materialising things necessarily although that is one result of realizing Self.

From 4dbarbie students: see the tag

Other: 1, 2

Okay, what to do after reading all this?

Apply apply apply. Don't wait, nothing will happen by waiting. There is only now. Inquire who is causing trouble and to whom. You can't think yourself into realization. 'You' are beyond the mind. You are the creator of the mind. It must be experienced.

[accio-victuuri]

5/16/24 LRLG post + interpretations ❤️💛💚

so it’s not enough that we’ve been struggling for the past days, they really put meaning to the saying of “when it rains it pours”. at least they let people sleep and then released this in the morning. it is an unusual posting time cause it’s usually evening or even late like 1:00 AM but not this early.

original link from the rumor house is here. i will omit some parts and just explain what happens but i tried to preserve the integrity of the post. all of this is fake. if i missed some cpn related to this, feel free to comment or just reblog and add on. enjoy ^^

XZ: "Do I have to buy the flowers myself? I can't spend hundreds of dollars."

WYB: “You don’t need to buy it and use it at home. The bottle is also pretty.”

XZ: 🙄

WYB: “Your skills are really top-notch now.”

XZ: "Why don't you try to be more yin and yang?"

WYB: "Well done. Well done."

XZ: “Don’t let me go if you don’t have any symptoms”

WYB: "You know if I have a fart or not, I'm so awesome."

XZ: "gun"

WYB: 😘

XZ: "There is also gas in the mouth"

WYB: 🙄

XZ: "Hey, your skills are also top-notch."

WYB: “I can’t compare to you, but practice makes perfect”

XZ: “It’s boring.

WYB: “Come and play”

XZ: "If you don't want to play, you won't come from xx"

👧: "Looking for me, I won't delay the fun of you two"

WYB: "Then shall we leave?"

👧: “I also know that practice makes perfect”

WYB: “Excuse me”

XZ: "Whose number should I use?"

WYB: "I'll log in for you

Yibo really be buying useless stuff again. lol. I can only imagine him scrolling through shopping apps in between takes and ordering everything. Thank you ZZ for being the voice of reason. LOL. and them complementing each other’s skills in gaming, even the log-in, we think is for the game. && how they are trolling each other talking about gas/fart, it’s so them 😂😂😂😂

the part about the kiss emoji makes us think that wyb kissed xz but then xz had to comment like that lol and be a gremlin 😂😂😂

i saw one guess that the bottle/vase he is talking about where you can put flowers may be a souvenir from abroad that wyb gave him

WYB: XZ believes in Buddhism and doesn’t believe in anything.”

XZ: “Watch me assist”

WYB: "You are not playing support role."

XZ: "Okay, I won't go even if you call me daddy."

WYB: “Don’t help, you still have to help”

No but seriously i will pay good money to watch them livestream a game lol. to those who are not familiar of why XZ was saying “call me daddy”, it’s a common quip among people. kinda like saying “im your father” cause i’m helping you and more superior than you— nothing kinky okay?

WYB: “Where did the cat come from?”

WYB: "Can I not hear it when it’s meowing at me? "

WYB: "What to record"

WYB: “So where did the cat come from?”

WYB: “Questioning you on behalf of 🌰🌰”

WYB: “Oh, great shooting”

people are thinking it’s this chonky cat that xz got attached to

and all of us are cackling at how wyb is “asking for 🌰🌰” because his dad is being a traitor and looking at other cats! 😤😤😤 yibo is so loyal to their daughter lol

WYB : super cold, i’ll eat a fried egg for you in awhile

WYB: look closely, i’m going to eat one for you (fried egg = sun that just appeared ☀️)

WYB: i ate it too early, it’s not fully cooked yet

WYB: sure, i’ll wait for you to eat a cooked one

i swear their conversations don’t make sense unless you have some background. cpfs are saying here that it means, wyb gave xz a fried egg ☀️ and then xz ate a cooked egg, the way he did it in that milan vlog

and like, if we are talking about a literal egg, that was featured as well in the Milan vlog 🍳 so could that be a bit for bobo? a literal easter egg? lol.

next part is bobo asking xz why doesn’t it look the same to him and how xz hasn’t responded to the group chat. and how he will call him later 📲

them having a gc is not even a secret but just 🥹🥹 that must be one hell of a group chat to be in.

WYB: “How was the restaurant you ate at last time? Let's go there when Zhan ge comes."

🧔‍♂️: "Their ribs are amazing, but the chops are not as good as they should be. Why don't we order one for you tonight and try it?"

i won’t include this part anymore but it’s a conversation between yibo and members of his staff about food and what to eat. i love how wyb is always thinking about xz when he sees something that is good to eat. feeding xz is really his love language. i’m cackling how they are conscious about the carbs to eat. planning what and where to eat with your loved one seems so simple but really special too. there were talks about fruits, which we know what xz is fond of eating in CQL BTS. ( sorry for the screenshot lol xiao zhan i love youuuu. you have no bad angle! )

there was also a part that wyb was telling them to buy blueberries and the staff is like: "Just tell me what you want to eat and I'll give you whatever you want" but yibo was all "Let's see what he wants to eat" 🥹🥹🥹 it all depends on XZ.

and then this scene in the wedgwood ad. which is most likely a coincidence. but still 👀

WYB: “Look at this big pot”

XZ: Saw it

WYB: "I won't let you try the dishes in advance."

XZ: "If you want to eat, just say so and don't take the blame."

👧: Boss Xiao, we have already eaten it.”

XZ: "Grateful and thankful"

WYB: "Why are you so happy?"

XZ: You guys are going to have another meal in two days.

WYB: ☺️☺️🤭☺️🥰🥰🥰😍😍😍

XZ: "Eat quickly and fight again when you get back."

WYB: “🫡Received”

XZ: "Idiot, hang up, bye"

WYB: "Bye"

with this fake rumor i feel so soft cause having a meal together is something they look forward to. i especially loved this comment from a cpf which u think perfectly explain why this romantic: But I especially understand how dad feels. . . When you are in a long-distance relationship, if you already have a date for your next meeting, you will really feel like you don’t want to taste the delicious food you want to eat with you before meeting! Just like "I want to share the surprise of the first bite with you" is the real thing. I only want to taste one-fifth of the taste. I want to wrap this little bit of deliciousness with the anticipation of seeing you soon. I want to see you soon. I have been stuffed to the brim these last few days, so that the day I see you I will explode with happiness!” 🥹🥹🥹

next part is wyb talking to a staff about eating and then this one, yibo! give your assistant a vacation! and well the boss is not taking a vacation too sooooo….

👧: “When can I take a vacation?”

WYB: "Anytime, if you have anything to do, just take a break."

👧: “Want to take a big vacation”

WYB: “It’s early then”

👧: “This year’s Qingming Festival and May Day are all in vain”

WYB: "Have arrangements been made for May Day?"

and the final part of the rumor contribution:

WYB: "Where"

WYB: “Okay, be safe.”

WYB: "I don't have time to ask you to keep the fake house.

WYB: "good"

-END

[glitteringcrab]

I've seen this technology before (part 2)

think of the implications think of the implications THINK OF THE FREAKING IMPLICATIONS (trigger warning for sexual abuse)

Sigh... Here we go.

First of all, let's get the easy parts out of the way.

Despite people who are being puppeteered sometimes appear to be in a fugue state (that thousand yard stare lol)--

--or, you know, puppeteered. VIOLENTLY sometimes--

--it's clear that they are also both alive and aware:

Would you say this is pretty much the definition of a mind rape?

I mean, we've seen Unity do pretty much the same thing, but the subjects never seem to be aware that they got possessed, are not traumatized nor upset (and hilariously the quality of their lives was greatly improved when Unity had taken over). I don't know if they forget because Unity is actually kind of nice and makes them forget on purpose to avoid trauma, or if it's just how assimilation by hiveminds works. In any case, it is apparent that this is simply how hiveminds live. Ugly, of course, but in the sense of "a predator has to eat" fashion. Not exactly a choice on the hivemind's part. So... technically also a mind rape, but... also not as evil as what Evil Morty has been doing.

Secondly.

Do we all agree that it seems that the receiver is above Evil Rick's eye? We can see its light going on and off, which would likely not be visible if the receiver was at the height of the bottom eyelid (I'm referring to where Evil Morty's cables are sticking out).

Indeed, the Citadel Rick does not have to stick his whole hand inside Evil Rick's face, just the fingers.

In fact, would you say the receiver is... right... about... here:

(and yes, I combined the two frames to achieve the ultimate creepy frame)

So... in the hypothetical scenario that "the reason Evil Morty has cables sticking out of his eye is that he was once puppeteered himself and some remains of the implant are still in his head"...

...would you say that the place where his own receiver must have been would be... somewhere around here:

Which, accounting for the curvature of the giant cartoon eyes (lol) might be the correct distance from the bottom eyelid if one combines the length of the cables Evil Morty already has sticking out of his eyes and the the length of the cables in the eyepatch.

At the same time, it'd be kinda weird for someone to remove the receiver but not the rest of the implant cables and stuff. I mean, if Rick C-137 was trying to remove such an implant from Morty Prime, wouldn't he be thorough about it? Wouldn't he make sure Morty Prime was completely clean?

Unless, of course, you're hastily trying to gouge your own eye out in desperation:

Oops. You too, eh?

Also, it is interesting to note that it appears Evil Rick was trying to stick the shard in his eye (the left eye, btw, where his receiver was) which is... not how one would typically try to commit suicide when you also have a throat available.

So either the mind control kept Evil Rick's hand far away from his throat on purpose, or there are built-in contingencies that ensure unauthorized removal of the receiver is akin to a death sentence...

...which (in the hypothetical case that Evil Morty was at some point in the past also frantically gouging his own eye out) may be negated if you somehow also managed to gain access to some kind of healing equipment (of which we know Ricks have plenty) and set it to turn on automatically (because you're a very smart, careful boy). I'm not gonna add the screenshots because they're too many, but I'm going to list a few:

the one Rick used to jumpstart Pissmaster's brain

the thing Rick injected Morty with after Morty bully-gunned himself

the one Rick used to restore Morty's arm

Rick's freaking garage

(It's possible by the way that the original receiver Evil Morty had did not have a "contain suicide attempt" function. It's possible that the threat of death was deterrent enough that Evil Morty wouldn't try to remove the receiver on his own. It's possible Evil Morty added the "contain suicide attempt" function to Evil Rick's receiver because he knew from experience that this is a price he might be willing to pay. Which would, you know... also explain why he didn't bother downloading the schematics of Rick Prime's auto-healing ability for himself)

IN ANY CASE, you mutilated yourself successfully, pulled the receiver out of your eye's remains, died, your brain healed (physically), the eye reformed, but happened to reform while the cables were sticking out from when you were pulling the receiver. Uh-oh. It's okay, tuck them back in, no one has to know. Better not inform the Citadel nor update your Morty Agency record on your newest implant, either. You wouldn't want other Ricks to know they only need to attach a receiver in your head to exert complete control over you, huh? (like grabbing a... joystick?) Maybe kill your Rick, if you haven't done it already. Run away.

Sigh. Let's go to the hard parts now.

Fans smarter than me have already pointed out that the Rick-Morty dynamic is deliberately built around the idea of grooming, predation of minors and sexual abuse. A lot of the things in the show are either outright instances of grooming, are meant to refer to sexual abuse or are meant to be allegories to sexual abuse, even though canonically Rick is not grooming Morty for sexual reasons. (I strongly suggest you check out all the above links, by the way. I was disturbed.)

Take also into account that Citadel with its Morty Market also has disturbing similarities to a messed up, horrible foster care system, as well as child trafficking.

Although I can't find all the links (message me if you have them), I had also found posts from fans comparing Evil Morty's actions to sexual abuse, against Ricks and Mortys this time.

The "literal" mind rape he has committed is the most blatant example, in my opinion, but far from the only one. The violence of Evil Rick's puppeteering when he was forced to kill Guard Rick was disturbing. Another fan alluded that Evil Morty making Evil Rick drunk before assaulting him was akin to drugging someone before taking sexual advantage of them. Extra disturbing by Evil Rick's exclamation "Get off me!"

Personally, Evil Morty closing the garage door before attacking reminded me of... other scenes in movies etc, where the assaulter turns up the volume on the radio before commencing his attack. I mean... we've seen all sorts of insane stuff happening in that garage (people exploding, redheads flying in, a flying saucer parking) and none of the neighbors even care. Gene actually had the courage to STEAL a rake from this house of madness. It is all treated as comically absurd. Only when Evil Morty attacks are the happenings treated as an actual violent crime that the perpetrator would want to stay hidden.

And sure, Evil Morty needed a large crowd of alive Mortys to hide amongst, and he needed an excuse to keep them alive so he strapped them on the Morty Dome and tortured them, but did they really have to be naked?

Now, I'm in no way an expert of any sort in any of the above, but I've read that when children (and Morty is 14) do physically violent or sexually aggressive acts against others, it's typically because they've been assaulted themselves in a similar fashion. I guess they're either trying to process what happened, are mimicking it, are venting their frustration on someone weaker, or are simply desensitized to it. SOMEONE PLEASE CORRECT ME IF I'M HORRIBLY WRONG.

I'm sure that canonically, no actual rape has taken place, but given the show's general... vibe... I doubt the above mentioned similarities are a coincidence. I'd say that a 14-year-old boy literally losing all body autonomy by becoming an old man's literal puppet for an unspecified amount of time is as close to the concept as possible without actually being the concept. (Edit: sadly, I no longer think this was only metaphorical. There's no way to explain his utter indifference at torturing Mortys, in the particular fashion that he did, unless he concluded that they'd be having a MUCH EASIER time than HE had.)

Of course, this is just a theory. We don't know if anything like this has happened. However, the truth is that while we've seen plenty of miserable Mortys in the Citadel, none of them seem to be as angry, traumatized, nor desperate as Evil Morty. They all managed to smile, or find companionship among each other, or even among Ricks (Cop Rick, I'm looking at you). Evil Morty is the only one who did completely messed up things to an extreme scale without batting an eyelid, just so he could get as far away as possible. He didn't exactly seem to enjoy his journey to freedom, either.

His face here as he finishes the transmitter reads to me as a particularly sad and defeated "...I'm really doing this, then" thought.

And (like actual sexual abuse victims) it's not likely he could have safely unburdened himself by sharing the secret of what happened to him with someone in the Citadel. Another Rick might have taken advantage of him in the same way, once he realized the opportunity was available.

Not to mention that by telling someone he would risk hearing some variation of "you asked for it by being cocky and not doing what you were told" or "being completely controlled by a Rick was the best thing that ever happened to you, you finally stopped doing dumb mistakes". The Rick who puppeteered him could have also framed it as "I'm doing this for your sake, because you keep getting yourself injured in adventures".

And he mustn't let himself react overly emotionally or go into hysterics about it, because then he'll get mind-blown and forget everything that happened (roofied, much?) and be vulnerable to it again. Or, even worse, he may be discarded as "defective" and end up in that Morty slaughterhouse... So he must really tone down his emoting.

He could have theoretically confessed to another Morty, but we've already seen Mortys throwing each other under the bus in their bid to survive. I wouldn't like my chances, personally.

So it seems to me that he be stuck in the Citadel, simming in his own fear, grief and anger with no one to confide to (although gaining a level-up in confidence (cockyness, if you want) given that he successfully orchestrated his own escape attempt). Either living in the lousy conditions of Morty Town, surrounded by clueless Mortys who, if ever discovered that he could get mind-controlled might tip off a Rick in exchange of a better quality of life. Or partnering with a Rick, living every day in fear that his secret might get revealed accidentally and that he'd end up dissected and studied, or simply controlled once again. (It would be even more dangerous if his Rick was wanted by the Citadel, and Evil Morty was in danger of getting executed for assisting him.) And, of course, we know that Citadel Ricks do not form lasting bonds with their Mortys. Even if his secret was never discovered, Evil Morty would find neither peace, nor family in the company of the Rick of the Day who adopted him.

I also think there is a lot of internalized victim blaming among the Mortys in the citadel. At some point he might have been convinced that he really did ask for it by not behaving. And this puts the eyepatch in a... different perspective. It made sense that he used the eyepatch initially, that's pretty much the only place where he could put his transmitter. But after he gained access to aaaaall the Citadel's tech as president, he built a lot of cool things. Couldn't he have built a better interface, one that doesn't require an eyepatch?

I mean... he definitely improved the eyepatch itself. In the beginning he had to connect it with his implanted cables manually:

But after he became president, it appears that it connects automatically. No longer necessary to stick your fingers in your own eye socket (yayyy).

It's unclear if the cables themselves are still there (they might be!) but some part of the original implant definitely remains. However, why still use an eyepatch at all? However he may have started off originally, we can't really say that he incapable of performing surgery to himself by the time season 7 rolls in because we saw him have a plethora of body augmentations, and yet he still wears an eyepatch. Couldn't he have also altered the implant in his brain so that he keeps any potential perks but no longer needs an external eyepatch?

Sure, maybe he enjoys triggering Rick's fear of pirates (even though he wears it when he is alone outside the CFC). Or maybe he thinks he looks cool wearing it. Or maybe he's just an angsty teenager.

Or... Well... if the whole experience is a source of shame and self-blame for him, he may be metaphorically hiding the place of intrusion... or, conversely, a physical reminder that he managed to literally cut himself free might make him feel better. I tend to think it's the latter.

This is all just a theory. Maybe he simply is evil.

Or maybe he's heartbroken by being constantly discarded in the "adoption" program of the Morty Market to the point where he felt he would explode. Ricks scouring the universe for Mortys meant that blowing the CFC was the only way he could be left alone in peace.

...But I'm leaning towards him having one more reason to run away as far as he can without looking back.

(and as of now, I get the feeling that he hasn't run away far enough)

[montammil]

Forever Be Mine, part 2

Masterlist found here!

Part 3 is when we really get the ball rolling on the whump stuff, so I'm pretty excited for that! Since I've been pretty burnt out on writing, this has been getting me back into it lol.

CW: Yandere whumper, kidnapping, restrained, noncon touching (nothing sexual but still creepy), patronizing behavior(?), drugging mention, food

...

Sawyer woke up feeling dizzy and nauseous, his body aching as if he had been hit by a train. He slowly opened his eyes and blinked a few times, adjusting to the dim lighting. His surroundings were unfamiliar to him. He tried to move his hands to sit up, but couldn't. There was a slight burning sensation on his wrists as he struggled against the rope binding his hands together above his head.

He took a moment to assess his surroundings. He was lying on a bed with red silk sheets and pillows.

There were no windows in the room, making it impossible for him to tell if it was day or night outside. The only source of light came from a lamp on the nightstand beside the bed.

A sense of dread washed over Sawyer as he realized he didn't know where he was or how he got there. The last thing he could remember was getting a few drinks at the bar after work, then heading home.

Had he been kidnapped? A million thoughts raced through his head as he tried to recall anything else that might help him figure out what happened.

"Good morning, my love," a familiar voice spoke.

Sawyer froze in horror. He knew that voice. His breathing quickened, panic seizing control of his body.

Rowan came into view and smiled sweetly at him. His heart sank when he saw his face. Rowan's hand reached out towards him and gently caressed his cheek. Sawyer flinched at the touch, wanting nothing more than to pull away from it.

But he couldn't move his body enough to do so. He felt paralyzed with fear, his throat closing up as if he couldn't breathe.

"It's okay," Rowan assured him softly. "I've got you."

The man before him leaned over and planted a gentle kiss on his forehead before pulling back and admiring his expression. Sawyer clenched his teeth tightly, trying not to show any emotion, but he felt tears pooling in his eyes anyway.

"What do you want from me? I'm broke, I don't have any money." Sawyer managed to choke out.

Rowan shook his head and gave an amused smile. "Silly, I don't want your money." He brushed a lock of hair behind Sawyer's ear. "I just want you."

Sawyer stared at him in confusion, unsure of what he meant by that. "Listen... um, Owen--"

"Rowan."

"R-Rowan," Sawyer corrected himself nervously, "I don't know what I did wrong, but I'm sorry about whatever it is. If you let me go, I won't tell anyone about this."

Rowan sighed. "You poor thing, I'm not angry at you at all. Look around you. You're in a nice, soft bed, wearing comfy clothes. Does this look like some sort of ransom or revenge kidnapping to you? I could've put you in the basement, but you haven't done anything wrong. I'm not cruel. I just want you safe and sound."

"Then why am I tied up?"

"So you don't hurt yourself trying to get out of here," Rowan replied calmly. "The ropes are temporary, my love."

Sawyer shuddered at the pet name. His tone was deceptively sweet and gentle. Like a trap he'd fall right into. It unnerved him deeply. He continued to struggle against the rope, ignoring how it dug into his skin painfully. Rowan frowned at his resistance, placing a hand over his chest and holding him still. Sawyer's heart pounded wildly beneath his palm.

"Don't." Rowan's voice dropped dangerously low. "If you keep fighting me, I'll have to put you in the basement. And I don't want that."

He swallowed hard and stopped moving for a moment, weighing his options carefully. He didn't want to be put in the basement, whatever that entailed. It probably wasn't anything good.

"Now then, aren't you hungry? You must be starving." Rowan stood up and walked out of the room, then returned with a plate of food a few minutes later.

It smelled good, but Sawyer felt too nauseous to even think about food right now. Rowan sat down on the bed again and began to feed him with a fork. Sawyer reluctantly ate, the food tasting surprisingly good despite his circumstances.

"Do you like it? I learnt how to make pad thai just for you! Much better than that instant stuff, hm?"

Sawyer found himself thinking of a way to escape. For now, playing nice seemed to be the best way to go, even if every fiber of his being told him that this was wrong. Rowan was definitely crazy. He must've been watching him for a while if he knew his taste in food.

After years of putting on a fake persona for others' approval and entertainment, Sawyer was a master at acting. This would just be another performance.

"Thank you," Sawyer whispered, glancing up at Rowan through his eyelashes. He could tell immediately that Rowan was eating up his act and the display of submission. Good, at least he was on the right track then. Maybe he'd have a chance at escaping from this madman after all. He let out a weak cough and shifted as much as the ropes would allow. "Um, my throat hurts a bit, can I have some water?"

Rowan stood up and disappeared from the room once more. Sawyer took the chance to test his restraints again. But as expected, he was still too weak to loosen them at all. He didn't know he was capable of acting this calm, but his mind was all over the place.

It was probably from how surreal this all felt. Like he was in some kind of nightmare that he couldn't wake up from. Sawyer wished that were the case.

He returned with a glass of water and held it up to Sawyer's lips. The singer gulped down the cold liquid gratefully, his throat feeling immensely relieved as soon as it hit his tongue.

He thought briefly about Rowan drugging it, but he was already bound and helpless. If Rowan wanted to do something to him, he had the opportunity to do so without the need to drug him.

When Sawyer had drank about half of the glass, Rowan pulled it away and set it back on the nightstand. He sat down next to him again and began to stroke his hair. Sawyer forced himself to stay still, not wanting to anger him again.

He stared at him warily, trying to get a read on his emotions. But Rowan just smiled softly at him and ran his fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp.

"Why?" Sawyer blurted.

"Hm? Why what?" Rowan raised an eyebrow inquisitively.

Sawyer looked away from him and sighed deeply, trying to come up with the right words to say without pissing him off. "Why do this? And why me?"

"Because I love you, obviously." Rowan twirled a strand of his hair around his finger. "I've watched you for a while now. You're everything I've ever wanted in a partner, Sawyer. It kills me that nobody appreciates you like they should, that you're lonely because this world is just too cruel." His expression softened and he cupped Sawyer's cheek in his hand. "I used to be in the same situation, but I don't have to be anymore. Neither do you."

At that moment, Sawyer didn't even think about his next words. "Well apparently unlike you, I choose to be alone."

Rowan's smile wavered. "You didn't choose to be lonely," he countered. "Nobody chooses to be lonely."

Sawyer opened his mouth to argue again, but decided against it. He couldn't win an argument against someone who wasn't even capable of thinking rationally. Arguing would just make Rowan mad, and that was the last thing he needed right now.

Instead, he decided to change the subject entirely.

"People will wonder where I am." Sawyer glanced at him again, gauging his reaction to see if he was safe to continue speaking. Rowan stayed silent, so he assumed it was okay to keep going. "I have shows at Indigo every Friday night, you know."

"Oh, don't worry about that," Rowan said dismissively. "All your relatives and so-called friends have already been informed that you're not available anymore." He reached into his own pocket and held up Sawyer's phone, "They think you've just ran away to pursue the life of your dreams. Since no one knows you that well--besides me, of course--they all believed it immediately. Most of them didn't even reply."

Sawyer could feel tears building up in his eyes again, but he refused to let them fall. "You don't know me."

Rowan shook his head and looked down at him with pity in his eyes. "But I do, Sawyer," he insisted. "I've seen you come home every night after work, turning on a romantic movie and curling up with a blanket on your couch. I've seen you dance alone in your living room with tears in your eyes, wishing you had someone to hold you in their arms." His voice became tender, almost loving. "I know you know how to play the violin and the trumpet, that you own a collection of vintage records, and that you tattoo right... here."

He placed a hand on his left shoulder, pushing up the sleeve to show a cute black cat playing a trombone. Sawyer flushed in embarrassment.

"I got that while drunk," he mumbled in his defense.

Rowan hummed in acknowledgment and began tracing circles on the tattoo with his fingertip. Sawyer shuddered at the sensation, feeling goosebumps rise on his skin. He hated that he was already so sensitive to the lightest touches from Rowan.

"You're a real romantic at heart," Rowan continued. "You crave intimacy but you're too scared to reach out for it, so you turn to fictional romance movies or books instead of seeking it out for yourself." He sighed wistfully, looking at him with fondness in his eyes. "You don't need those anymore though. I'll give you everything you need now, Sawyer."

Sawyer wanted to disappear into the bedsheets beneath him. Everything Rowan had said was true, but hearing him say it out loud felt humiliating. He wasn't used to feeling so out of control.

He reminded himself pretending to give in would be the best way to regain control. But each time Rowan spoke, it got even harder to keep his act up.

"Fictional relationships are a lot more easy than actual ones," Sawyer spoke haltingly. "I don't have to deal with the potential heartbreak that way. It's easier to escape into a book than get caught up in reality."

He wasn't lying. Normally he would take that knowledge to the grave with him, but this guy seemed to know enough about him, it didn't really matter what else he knew at this point, he figured.

Rowan's eyes lit up with understanding. "That's why we're meant to be! I'd never do anything to break your heart. We could be just like the couples from those romantic movies you like so much!"

The desperation in his voice was almost amusing.

Sawyer let out a soft chuckle, playing up the timid card again. He had no other option at this point. "Are you sure about that? You've already kidnapped me, tied me up... how long do you think it'll take before you get sick of me and throw me away?" He gave his best forlorn sigh. "Everyone always does."

"No!" Rowan exclaimed, his grip on Sawyer's arm tightening. "I'd never get sick of you! You're perfect!" He stroked his hair again, taking care not to hurt him as he did so. Sawyer could feel his heart rate increase under his touch, his pulse quickening.

His body was pressed against him, close enough for him to feel his warmth, the firm muscles underneath his clothes. He had to suppress the shiver that went down his spine. The last thing he needed was to give this creep any ideas.

Dread settled deep into his stomach at the thought of being touched by Rowan. The mere idea made his skin crawl.

But at least he was convincing him.

"I love how smooth and soothing your voice is... I love your beauty, and how passionate you are about your interests. And I love how you wear an outgoing front for others but underneath that... you're just the sweetest, most fragile little thing who needs love."

Sawyer had to fight the urge to headbutt this bastard. It sounded like Rowan had the biggest white knight complex and just wanted a damsel in distress.

"It makes me sick to see people treat you like dirt, taking you for granted just because you allow them to do so." Rowan caressed his cheek, "But now I've got you all to myself." The singer almost gagged at how he nuzzled him. "And I'll keep you safe from the world that tried to break you."

That was probably the biggest bullshit Sawyer had ever heard. He barely held back the urge to roll his eyes at Rowan's words. It was ridiculous how blinded this man was by love or whatever the fuck it was he saw in him.

Rowan pulled away from him and stood up. "I'd love to cuddle with you longer, but I still have things to do today." He picked up the empty plate from the nightstand and headed for the door, before pausing to smile back at the tied up man on his bed. "I love you."

Sawyer waited until he was gone before struggling against the ropes again, but to no avail. His wrists and ankles were aching and raw by now. Tears welled up in his eyes as he tried his best to breathe evenly. Panicking wouldn't help him right now. He had to stay calm, or else he wouldn't be able to think rationally. If he struggled against the rope any longer, Rowan was right, he'd just hurt himself. So he bit back his stubbornness and sunk into the king bed's mattress and closed his eyes.

...

When he opened his eyes again, Rowan had an arm wrapped around him and a book in his hand.

Sawyer flinched at the closeness but couldn't bring himself to pull away from him. If he made the wrong move now, Rowan would realize that he had been faking compliance this entire time.

Rowan looked down at him. He had reading glasses on, and his hair was pulled back into a ponytail. "You slept past lunch. I was going to wake you up, but you looked so peaceful."

He shut his book and set it down on the nightstand before wrapping both arms around Sawyer's waist and pulling him closer. The singer tried not to panic as he was spooned, hyperaware of how close their bodies were and how vulnerable he felt.

"What are you reading?" Sawyer asked in an attempt to distract him.

He grabbed the book and held it up for him to see. "I have a few copies of Wuthering Heights, it's one of my favorite books," he explained. Sawyer vaguely remembered that title being mentioned in one of his English classes in high school. He wasn't surprised that Rowan loved classics too. "Have you read it before?"

Sawyer shook his head.

"You should," Rowan suggested. "I can read it to you soon. Though it might take a while, it's a pretty long book." He kissed the side of his head. Sawyer shuddered and squeezed his eyes shut, trying not to think about the fact that Rowan had just put his lips on him.

"What do you even do for work?" Sawyer asked. "Or, did? Do you have a job?"

Rowan grinned at him and pecked his cheek. "I work as an insurance agent!" His voice was filled with pride. "It's not exciting work, but it pays the bills." He went on to talk about what it entailed, like selling life insurance and health insurance policies to people. Sawyer half listened as he went on about different kinds of policies, how he did his job, and other little details that the singer couldn't care less about. It just made him feel tired again.

"Interesting," Sawyer said in a deadpan voice once Rowan finished talking. "Glad you like what you do."

The taller man rested his chin on his shoulder pulling Sawyer closer against him. "I love my job, but I love you more," he murmured. "I have plenty of vacation days saved up anyway, so I can take some time off."

He buried his face in the crook of Sawyer's neck and inhaled deeply. Sawyer was stiff as a board in his embrace.

Just a little longer, he reminded himself. He just needed to hold on for a little longer until he could find a way out of this hellhole.

[spicy-apple-pie]

For your artists ask (if you’re still doing that) <3

7,8,9,11,15

agggh, you chose all the hard ones lol

7) Favourite works of all time excluding your own

This one is so hard because I have favourite artists, but not many favourite works. Plus, my favourite changes with every passing second but right now I would have to say this drawing of Damian with some birbies by @malenjoyer

I love this art style so much and HE'S SO CUTE

8) What do you like most about your own work

Gosh this is a hard one because I think as artists we're always thinking on whats wrong or how we can improve, but I would have to say the line art. It's my favourite part of the process and I like how much character I add to it, though I want to experiment with a more messier style.

9) What are you currently trying to improve

two things. My colour and my backgrounds. I struggle with picking out background colours that makes the foreground pop out or that just looks nice. And I think almost everyone can agree that backgrounds are hard and boring to draw. But it must be done.

11) Favourite comment you've ever received on your work

I have no idea. I love and cherish every comment on my work. Sometimes I just look through them when I'm feeling down. But my favourite right now is on my comic about Damian riding Batcow. They were basically info dumping about how riding cows isn't actually that great but I put Damian in the best spot to sit when riding. I felt so smart for that, even though I just guessed where someone would sit on a cow.

15) Biggest Art Pet Peeve

I don't have a lot of art pet peeves, more like artist pet peeves. Like those people that make those speed paint videos with the clip of markiplier going "jingle jingle" and slime videos to be like "ooooh you don't have the attention span to watch this speedpaint until the end oooooh you hate artists". I'm being hyperbolic, but I still scroll to spite them lol. But for an actual ART pet peeve, I don't like it when a character has soooo many accessories. tbf that's my personal taste, I still find the art lovely and I still admire those who put so many accessories on characters, if that makes sense??? Like that one post about the art teacher who gave a critique about a girls art telling her to make the teacher hate it? Idk I'm writing this past my bedtime so my brain is a little like mush right know. I also hate people bashing art styles. like the "calarts style" (don't get me started) or any other popular trends. Like dude, ever heard of art eras? Art goes through trends.

Thanks so much for the ask!! Hopefully this wasn't too rambley, I just like talking about stuff lol

[bruhstation]

I know you must be inundated with anons but I also like TTTE as an adult but like a “watches the old show on YT and has some trains on shelves” amount not a “engages with fandom online” amount and I was SHOCKED and wracking my brain trying to figure out what event that Gordon and skeleton Henry could be fanart of 😭 so in a sense I am relieved it’s an au thing. I do not have to return my shining time station fan club badge my honor lives another day

YEAH LOL the angst stuff I conjure up is part of my AU called casa tidmouth... basically take ttte and make the engines human and add psychological dramedy stuff with resurrections and gold dust and stuff going on underneath the surface.

if you want an explanation for that art: in casa tidmouth, henry died during the flying kipper crash, got transported to the shining time world, met lady, was resurrected by her using the gold dust after he's in a coma for 3 days in the real world, then everything goes fine. maybe. because gordon is so insanely paranoid (he has way too much issues I don't know where to start) and due to many events throughout his life he's immediately upset whenever things don't go the way they're supposed to go. this paranoia made him believe there's something wrong with henry (many characters in cstm have some kind of psychosis UHHHH DON'T MIND ME) but really henry is... henry. he just has golden eyes now. which ALSO upsets henry because gordon is acting apprehensive all of a sudden. "why are you making MY accident all about YOU" this all happened before the events of the main story so by the time casa tidmouth has started, gordon and henry's relationship is strained. but they depend on and love each other so badly but they'd rather eat their own fingers rather than talk it out properly (they do later in the story tho). hope you enjoy

[calypsolemon]

not sure if you’ve answered on this in the past, but do you have any thoughts regarding steven’s future/development/what he does following him leaving at the end of steven universe future? i find your analysis posts about steven incredibly interesting. sorry if somebody’s asked you this question already!

It hasn't been asked before! A question of this nature is going to really involve less analysis and more just... speculation/ headcanon, but thats fine too! I'm down to indulge lol

I think the thing that would near for sure happen post-future at some point is Steven moving into his own house or apt. His road trip basically intends as much (he states the goal is to try to find a place to settle down), and furthermore I think a place of his own is something Steven needs even more than distance from his family/ gem stuff. The one thing Steven really lacked growing up was any sense of privacy, and a consistently safe home environment. It would do wonders for his mental health to have a home that he has complete control over, that is unlikely to be in any immediate danger of being wrecked.

After that is more nebulous, as throughout most of the series all of Steven's ambition hinged on gem stuff, and then once he started actually doing gem stuff, it took over his life. It's hard to say what actually interests him outside of that. Quite possibly, he doesn't even know. I can say with near certainty that I think he would avoid any career to do with music (he likes making it but I think it would be too close to his dad's rockstar lifestyle), and he would probably avoid stuff with plants too (both due to risk of bringing them to life, and because plant care was one of Rose's main hobbies). However he is a creative soul at his core, so he might end up pouring himself into other hobbies that eventually become careers. I can see him doing something like pottery or glassblowing, something that can't really be shortcut by his powers and requires a sort of controlled strength. I think it would be therapeutic to him. I can also see him doing a lot of volunteer work in his spare time; I don't think he'll ever fully rid himself of the desire to help people, but if he doesn't have to become personally involved in someone's mental health, it could be healthier output for that "need to be needed."

Despite separating himself from it for his own mental health, I'm pretty sure he would still intermittently get re-involved with little homeschool and gem politics and whatnot. I think after some time healing he would find that he missed aspects of it, and also there's likely the occasional thing that require "pink diamond's" attention no matter what (unfortunately). But thats why the physical separation is important. At the end of the day, he's not the one soley responsible for these things, and he isn't even the primary person responsible. He can just be the guy they call in once in a while. Which, I think over time, would also help assuage any potential guilt he would feel over "dropping responsibilities." He may have left, but he isn't running away from his problems like Rose. He's simply taking an equal and fair part of the work that must be done.

Also, I didn't know where to fit this, but I think the one thing Steven will never do in the future is have children. And not just because of the passing of the gem issue, but also because I think he would genuinely not feel right about doing so. He likes kids and probably ends up adoptive-uncle-ing a few kids in whatever neighborhood he lives in, but I dont think he would ever actually raise kids of his own. This is just pure headcanon tho lol.

[just-some-random-blogger]

hiii ive just started reading your stuff and it’s amazing!! i just read dove snakes and dragons and it was so good!!! i was wondering if you were doing a part 2? if so I have an idea!

so the reader would be doing another round of delivering for daemon and she told him she will fly but last minute decides to go in land, be a dear or whatever instead. And that week was a royal hunt and since daemon doesn’t know while hunting he SHOOTS HER! 🤭🤭

To The Heart

Daemon Targaryen x Shapeshifter!Reader

Summary: In the words of Ser Jon Bon Jovie, "shot through the heart, and you're to blame," you get shot through the heart with an arrow by your beloved prince.

Word Count: 1k+

Warnings: fem!reader, mentions/depictions of hunting/death, angst, typos, etc.

A/N: I only agreed to make a p2 cos swan lake core (more or less). lol HAHHAHA therefore you must listen to Tchaikovsky. i dont think you have to read p1 to understand, but i suggest you do. also, nonnie, i specifically said in the previous fic she could only turn to birds and reptiles so swan lake core! (more or less) hope you like it nonnie, i did change somethings!!! Tagging: @pinksirensong @aralezinspace @deniixlovezelda @targaryenmoony @siriusdumblittlepuppy Part 1 "Doves, Snakes, Dragons"

"What are you doing here?!"

I turn to the platinum haired prince gripping my arm hissing in my ear. I feel my heart constrict at the sight of him. He has never looked at me with such a hard and judgmental expression before.

"I have work, your grace," I take his hand on my bicep and slowly push it away.

"Work?" Daemon narrows his eyes, "you work for me."

"Yes," I mutter, shifting where I stood to face him, "but not you alone."

His jaw clenches, his eye twitches. He does a once over of the room, then turns back to me, "who?"

I pull a smile. We had not spoken since the time he left me under the tree, still reeling from the feel of him, discarded with only his cold command to deliver word to Lord Baratheon, and how he was demanding answers from me.

"I cannot say, prince Daemon."

"You cannot say?" he scoffs in disbelief, stepping even closer to me.

I retreat, allowing an apt space remain between us. I bow in regard, "please, excuse me, I must get going."

I feel a dread rise in me when I turn about. I dread the idea of him reaching out to me an holding me back. I don't think I could contain myself if he did. I might burst into tears or into a fit, or I might just fall into his arms and ask him never to leave me again.

And yet the farther I got from him with him not calling out to me, the more the dread grew... he didn't want to hold me back.

I shake my head, placing my face in my hands. I release a breath. Anyway, I finished what I must do. I must away, lest I do something scandalous.

"Ah, prince Daemon," a lord comes up to him, slapping a hand on his shoulder all too familiarly, "the horses are ready."

Daemon shrugs off the hand on him, "what horses?!" he snips.

The lord, who had sworn he had gotten in the good favors of the prince recoils at the iciness of his tone. He clears his throat, straightening himself off, "for the hunt, your highness."

Daemon snorts, looking away, trying to find whom he had just been conversing with, finding no one. He thinks, "fine," he clenches his jaw, "It'd do me good."

The lord perks, following after Daemon, who storms away, "y-yes, my prince! It heightens the senses, clears the mind! Hunting is-"

And so Daemon and three other lords he could not care any less for, rode off to the forest, with arrows, and swords, and most of all, a restless anger inside the prince.

The prince lead them as he navigated the forest to look for a deer while the lords conversed giddily behind his ride. They had been riding for a while and found nothing thus far. Daemon rubbed his ear in annoyance of their chimes and sharply loud laughter as they made it near a lake. They unmount their steeds, allowing the horses to rest a moment.

Daemon leads the horse, petting the side of her face, muttering High Valyrian under his breath.

"It won't be long, prince," the same lord who came to him earlier calls, "we will find your prize soon enough."

Daemon barely gives him a look in regard.

Just then, a large winged creature swoops down and lands on the lake, making all but the prince turn to the bird in awe.

"Oh my word!" one exclaims, "my prince look!" he points across the water, "that is a handsome swan if I have ever seen one."

Daemon looks at the white beast, floating in the clear body in front of them. He is uninterested at first, but he too raises a brow at the marvelous creature, great and truly handsome.

One of the lords grabs his bow, offering it to the prince. Daemon looks at him, taking the bow slowly as he is then offered a quiver. Daemon looks at the lord holding up the arrows, then the swan, thinking there was something about it that captured his soul. He does not want to shoot it.

When Daemon does not take an arrow, the lord knits his brow, "do you not want to claim your prize?"

"My prize is a buck, not a bird."

"Oh, but my prince," another lord says, "look at the size of the thing," he points, throwing his head back. "Surely, you cannot let him slip away."

Daemon raises a brow, "how are you sure it is not female?"

Any hunter would know not to kill a female of the species.

"Trust me, your grace," he raises a hand, "female swans do not get that big."

For a moment there is an internal debate within Daemon. He looks out at the swan, carelessly swimming about, wings fluttering behind. Then, almost against himself, he draws an arrow and loads his bow.

He tilts his head at the winged beast, feeling almost a visceral call within him not to shoot it. It is so foreign and conflicting, it makes him want to shoot the thing even more.

And so he aims and releases.

Then all at once, all four of them are aghast, bewildered by the sound of the cry and the red that gushes out. The lords gasp in horror, watching the creature morph into a naked woman and begin to sink.

Daemon calls out a name, loudly and helplessly, dropping what was in his grips, immediately running into the lake, uncaring of how deep it would get and how wet he would be.

He moves as if his life depended on it, for there was a life that did, after all.

I hear my name get called, but it's all too painful to move, or even breathe. My tears on my face sink into the cold water.

I feel the water ripple and hands reach out to me.

My name is called out again. I managed a painful breath when my head it propped up. It keeps the water out of my airways, but the arrow in my rib constricts my breathing either way.

"Daemon?" I gurgle, feeling water come out my mouth.

Daemon's eyes widen with horror. His tears gush out like the blood the arrow he shot was causing. He watches the red trail down to the water.

"I- W- You said- why are you- I-"

"I did not know you loathed me so," I choke, shutting my eyes, for I had no energy to do anything else.

"NO!" he screams, clutching me closes, "I'm not- I don't- Please, don't-"

My body relaxes against him. Daemon tenses, shaking his head, "no, no, NO! NO!"

He adjust his grip, carrying the limp body in his grip as he wades out of the water. The lords only watch, for they did not have the wits to do anything.

[mooncalfe-art]

Weird question, please bear with me.

So I was in the turtle group chat talking about different methods of turtle shell repair, as one does, and then I remembered Donnie's Terrible, Rotten, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day and his metal shell.

Seeing as a turtle's shell IS their spine and a significant portion of their ribcage, does Donnie now also have a prosthetic metal spine and ribs? and all the Important Stuff that's in the spinal column - the nerves and the fluids and the like... I'm not really asking for you to explain the Deep Biology of mutant turtle skeletal structures, but I AM asking what is up with their spines - are the fused, separate, some secret third thing? inquiring minds want to know.

I think about this same thing every so often, haha. Most artists (even Peter and Kevin back in the day) draw the Turtles with a flexible plastron unlike real turtles, which you can either chalk up to artistic license and cartooning, or you can take it more literally to mean that the Turtles have a more human-type skeleton and their plastron and shell are more spongy sort of armor plating rather than bone like real-life turtles. If I was the only one working on TMNT I'd probably delve more into the biology of it and have it at the outset that the carapace is part of their skeleton and is rigid like real turtles, but it's impossible to set that kind of thing up in a series with a ton of people working on it and expect it to remain the same across the board, so I usually just don't worry about it. I'm also kind of boxed in a bit by Donatello losing his shell and, thanks to the ooze, somehow receiving a new one that Fugitoid I guess just sticks onto Don's back and he's good to go. There's a panel in that particular issue (I forget which one it was) where Don is about to be operated on and he's lying on his back on the medical bed, but I always wondered what's under his shell, then? If he has no shell I'm guessing it was a huge exposed wound, and if so why is he lying ON the giant gaping wound?! Haha. And then it's like if the Turtles' carapace is flexible in IDW TMNT, that must mean it's NOT part of their skeletal system and in that case why would Don even need a new shell? Clearly thinking too deeply about it, haha.

In any case, since I took over as writer, I've tried to go by those rules that Tom set up as much as I can, like when I had Don's old broken shell (which Tom never accounted for, where did it go after Fugitoid removed it??? So I decided to draw the old shell having been tossed into a dumpster, lol) be attached to Venus, like if the surgeon has a healing agent like ooze or the Dragon scales the way Fugitoid and Dr. Barlow did, it seems like they can just graft components (whether organic or inorganic) onto anyone however they like regardless of what the internal mutant biology is. In Venus's flashback in my Alliance #4 issue, I did draw her spinal column visible when the shell is being grafted on though, sort of as a nod to the skeletal system thing but not explicitly solidifying the biology of it.

Another way I think about it is that mutants haven't undergone any sort of evolution as a species, their biology doesn't have to "make sense" or be useful in a natural selection evolutionary way. The mutagen kinda removes all the specialized traits from an animal, so the Turtles' carapaces have lost whatever traits gave rise to regular turtles' shells over millions of years. Mutants are outside the evolutionary process, so the Turtles' shells don't have to be biologically useful or advantageous or even really have anything in common with normal turtles. The mutagen reconfigures an animal into humanoid form and it'll recode their DNA to any extent to acheive that end result, so maybe it built the Turtles' a new skeletal system and their shells are purely vestigial.

I feel like I'm getting way too deep here and it only makes it more confusing, lol. So to answer your question, if I had to pick one of the options you listed, I would pick "secret third thing." ;)

[noirofhyrule]

Have a tea?

Hell yeah I'm back

Time to post sum cringe

WARNINGS: I'm so cringe I'm sorry I don't have a beta reader to stop me to do this bullshit. The title doesn't even make sense on the writing lol Fluff asf. Little mention of nsfw stuff at the end. Do you want a next part with nsfw? Bc I will

The calm of the night enveloped them in a soft embrace, where they both watched the sky shine. The moon bathed them with its faint and mysterious light, illuminating that place that now meant so much to them. 

Ghost remained silent, immersed in his thoughts, his eyes lost in the stars that populated the night sky. He sighed deeply, It was too beautiful a night now that he thought about it, for, without knowing yet how, it would end up becoming the most memorable date of their lives. 

Wynter smiled a little at seeing him like this, to lower his gaze and took a folder with some papers he already knew, where upon opening it he signed it with his pen and immediately looked at Ghost with a smile. “Here”. She handed him the folder with the papers she had already signed before and he accepted them, reading what it said, signing them instantly. Wynter decided to move a little closer to him and watch Ghost, hugging his arm, leaning on his shoulder as she watched him sign the paper with the pen she had given him a couple of months ago already. 

It was a marriage certificate. They had decided to get married, although money was no problem, they didn't have enough time to have a formal wedding, they couldn't really afford it either, after all, their relationship was in secret, or almost. Perhaps the others on their team already knew about it, but they had never mentioned anything. And yet, deep down, it mattered little. What really counted was the bond in their hearts, because even if their love had to be kept secret, it was no less pure or precious. 

“For better or for worse, in sickness and in health…”

Ghost spoke as he handed her back the marriage certificate, content, crinkling his eyes slightly, it could now be her completely. 

She completed, approaching him with a dazzling smile. 

“To love and to cherish, together until death!" He smiled, taking the wedding ring box. 

Simon gently took Wynter's hand and stroked the back of her soft skin, feeling a comforting warmth. A smile tugged at his lips as he placed the ring on her ring finger, then Wynter proceeded to take the larger ring and then Simon's hand, placing the ring on it, gazing in wonder at the bliss that this simple act seemed to fill her with.

The difference in size between their hands was quite remarkable, Simon found it a peculiar grace. Wynter stroked the scars he had on his knuckles and the back of his hand from so many fights he had been in, she had always thought he had very beautiful and strong hands despite his dangerous job.

Once the two rings were on, they intertwined their hands for a moment, fiddling, making Wynter smile.

Simon looked at his now wife with eyes bright with pride. Wynter returned the look, with a heap of happiness on his face to Riley, who thought he didn't deserve it, he was happy too, and smiled beneath his mask, crinkling his eyes and sporting a grimace that the girl loved.

With restrained shyness, Wynter brought her hands up to Simon's face and brushed his cheek, caressing it gently. “You must kiss the bride," she whispered, feeling the light warmth of his mask under her thumb. 

Ghost wasn't going to lie, actually that caress had made him tense, Wynter didn't usually approach him to remove his mask, usually he was the one who took it off. Nevertheless he nodded, giving her permission. 

She smiled, carefully lifting the cloth up to see his face lovingly. For Wynter, she had always seen Ghost with the eyes of a lover, just like the first time she saw him without a mask, that time Simon felt so scared and helpless, scarred by the scars of the past, yet eager to show her his true face, he wanted to see her reaction to the scars on his face, to his messy blond hair, even his hazel eyes and slight stubble of days old beard. 

Once they managed to connect gazes, Wynter smiled at him, looking at his face, keeping it tucked away in her most selfish memories and thoughts where she knew his beautiful face. 

He contemplated her eyes narrowed in a smile, the small mole on her chin, and eventually, her lips. “Finally can do this”.

He reached up to cup her cheek with his huge hand, gently pulling her close and kissing her. It was a different kind of kiss. The first kiss that felt each other's lips, without a mask to separate them, full of love and passion, where they knew they could face any difficulty together. 

And that is how they both managed to overcome their fears, being now husband and wife. Simon was no longer afraid of being able to love, to raise a family or to feel loved.

Wynter could help him heal, become human again. 

The kiss continued between them, never having experienced such a craving for mutual need, body heat that quickly became addictive as their skins rubbed together. Simon's hands began to run up and down Wynter's body, caressing her body, learning about her figure, looking for the places that made her sigh, and the places that made her feel comfortable with him. 

“Simon…” she mumbled between kisses, sighing, moving her kisses up his cheek, his nose, his brow and his hundred. Simon loved to feel her soft, awkward kisses, maybe he was getting used to it, but he loved to feel spoiled by her. 

“Wynter." he answered in a deep voice, deeper than usual, with a calm tone as he caressed her waist with his thumb, delighting in her natural scent, so exquisite.

“Congratulations, you're a married man now." The girl exclaimed with a chuckle, looking at him with too much love and genuine illusion. Things that Simon thought he had lost over time.

“Congratulations Mrs. Riley," he kissed Wynter again. It was a necessity, her lips were soft and warm, feeling unable to stop himself. He adored feeling her warmth on him, unable to believe that a woman as beautiful and loving as she was could turn out to be just as bloodthirsty. 

She smiled a little blushing at being called Mrs. Riley, it was a feeling of love she couldn't imagine ever feeling. 

“Thank you so much”.

Excitedly, she looked at the small picnic they had set up and sat down a little more next to him, taking the small cake she had bought hours before. “I want to cut the cake! Do you want a slice?”

Simon nodded, as Wynter took the knife, and he calmly helped guide her hand to cut the first slice, as was customary at any wedding. 

Wynter laughed a little as she took the puff from Simon, as she did as she handed the piece of cake to him, making her giggle as he smiled a little ruefully. It was too corny for his taste, however, as long as he could see her laugh like that, he could get used to it. 

They settled on the floor, lying together under the blanket. Wynter leaned against Simon's shoulder, and he wrapped her in his arms. There was no darkness or loneliness that could keep them apart anymore; just the warmth of their bodies pressed together and the night breeze caressing their faces, as close to each other as their hearts.

They talked and exchanged laughter, promises and kisses under the moonlight, savoring the happiness of this union that, only a few hours ago, seemed impossible. Their hands intertwined naturally, and eventually, their lips, but Wynter shivered from the cold. 

“You're freezing" Simon said, taking off his sweatshirt so he could give it to her, "I don't want you to catch a cold on our wedding night”. 

Wynter chuckled, stepping aside to look at him. “Always such a gentleman with me, aren't you?” He joked, sometimes Simon was so gentle that he forgot how they shouted at each other on the battlefield.

He just smiled, kissing her forehead. He took her in his arms and carried her to the truck they had arrived in, but not before returning for the picnic things. 

Once they reached the base, Simon put his Ghost mask back on, stealing a kiss from Wynter first. 

“Hey!" Wynter let out a laugh and took his hand to pull him towards her so she could kiss him again, albeit with his mask on. “It's not fair, I wanted to feel more of you”.

“That can be fixed”. He gently stroked her hair, it was obvious they weren't done with the night.

“What are you mea-oh-...” A heavy blush painted Wynter's cheeks as she now knew what he was referring to, looking slightly away.

Simon held his breath, watching her. He knew she reciprocated, however, they had never crossed that line. Perhaps her nerves had gotten the better of her at the last instant. 

After a long silence, Wynter turned her face toward him. Her cheeks burned, her eyes shone with emotion. “Yes," she whispered at last, squeezing his hand tightly.

[thegirlwhorideslikeasamurai]

Writing update

Earlier this month, I announced that I want to post more about writing and the overall progress of my works. However, over Europeans and some work-related things, I kinda neglected this. Shame on me.

First things first: Since I started this task about three weeks ago, I have edited about 33% of all scenes in my YOI post-canon story Did My Heart Love 'Til Now. I was able to declutter the text, cut dialogues or rearranged the different parts of a scene, but also added stuff where I found it necessary for characterisation or setting, which results in about 1-2k more words so far. But no need to panic, as the entire story is about 330k words, this effect is marginal. Also, this is pretty normal editing behaviour for me lol.

Picking the scenes randomly from a spreadsheet allows me to look at each one from a distance as I don't get drawn into the story. As a consequence, I decided that I want to cause Yuuri even more distress at the 2016 Four Continents and thus raise the stakes for the finale of this story [Worlds]. That was by far the most complex and extensive part to edit so far as it included recalculating of the scores of three characters, including fair and unfair scoring for each of them based on the ISU base values and rules for the 2015-2016 season. I had so much fun doing this and it was super enlightening to see for myself how things like GOE, underrotations, edge calls, and downgraded jumps can affect the scores of a skater. (I knew before as I sometimes check the protocols when the scores don't make sense, but it's different if you calculate them yourself.) I might write a post about how exactly I calculate figure skating scores for my stories.

Over the next two days, I will prepare the chapters of Can You Hear My Heartbeat and Thousand Spotlights I will post in February, and then continue with the revision. I hope to be done by mid March as starting then, I will have significantly less spare time for a few months, and because I need a beta-reading for Did My Heart Love 'Til Now that ideally should be finished before I will post the last chapter of CYHMH in case I must make any bigger changes.

Right now, I'm planning to write the story about young Vitya after that before I'll pick up my work on In Love and War.

Edit: For now, I will continue posting Thousand Spotlights. After the last chapter, I received several very kind and uplifting comments that showed me that this story is far more appreciated than I thought and that there's an audience for it after all. Thank you for this <3

Edit 2: If you're interested in reading excerpts: I often post snippets of my current wips for the ficwip game on Wednesdays (hashtags: #ficwip, #word game wednesday).

[nellie-elizabeth]

Some whining about fan responses to GO2 below the cut. I'm just being a jerk mostly lol.

Not gonna tag or link the posts because I'm not trying to stir shit but I see some people doing the thing for Good Omens season 2 that people did for Sherlock or Supernatural where, they didn't really like some aspects of season 2, and instead of saying "oh, that part didn't really gel with me" they think "Oh, it's actually all part of a long con that Neil Gaiman is playing on us! The stuff that I thought was bad? It was bad on purpose!" (Remember, the secret final episode of Sherlock, or the fact that the penultimate Supernatural episode was "bad on purpose" so the finale would fix it all?)

And it's so frustrating because I think these people are setting themselves up for further disappointment when season three comes. I personally loved season two of good omens! It really hit the spot for me, I thought it was funny and charming and clever and perfectly heartbreaking. If you didn't like it, that's okay, you don't have to construct a whole conspiracy theory around "why it was bad".

I want to be clear i don't mean just having theories about potential mysteries/clues leading to season 3. What are the Metatron's real motivations? Will we get to know who Crowley was as an angel before the fall? That sort of stuff is fun to speculate about, and we certainly don't have all the answers!

What I'm talking about things like... I saw someone say that the Eccles Cakes were a secret clue: why bring them up and put such emphasis on them only for them not to get eaten, hmmm? That couldn't have been just a simple oversight... it must be a grander point about the secret undercurrent plot that's been hiding right in front of our eyes this whole time.

And... no, it's not a simple oversight. It's not a grand clue to a big mystery (imo) either. It's pretty basic storytelling. Aziraphale asks Nina for something that calms people down, he procures the Eccles cakes on her recommendation, and then hands them off to Crowley as they enter the shop. There's a pointed shot of the uneaten cookies as Crowley storms off because, guess what, nobody ate them, and nobody's calming down! I think that's it, y'all. No grand mystery to parse here.

Or one thing I saw that really had me scratching my head was "why did we spend so long in the '40s minisode seeing Aziraphale pick out magic tricks in the shop, do the whole fake-out with the bullets, etc.? What was the point of showing us all that?"

I mean... because it was funny and charming and good character development? I don't know that it was leading to any grand secret behind the scenes. The setup and the pay-off is all right there in the 1940's flashbacks. Aziraphale is bad at stage magic, and then real miracles are blocked, and in the moment of truth he's able to use trickery correctly, for once in his life. Crowley and Aziraphale both manage to keep each other safe in the human way, even when their miracles are blocked. It's all right there, it doesn't have to be a clue leading to some big switcharoo later down the road.

Or one last thing I saw was people saying "where were the Zombies? Why have a plot about digging up corpses, and another story about Zombies, what does it all mean?"

And like... I don't know, maybe it means some Secret Extra Thing that i just haven't seen yet, but isn't it also possible that it means... thematic foreshadowing of season three's external plot? You've got Job's children being "reborn", you've got corpses being dug up, you've got zombies roaming London. The third season is about the Second Coming, y'all. I don't want to say "it's not that deep" because it is that deep, it's not just... extra made up layers of obfuscation that give it unnecessary confusing deepness. If that makes sense.

Bottom line, if this season didn't gel with you, I'm sorry! But I promise you, you're setting yourself up for disappointment if you spend the next couple years divining all the secret codes Gaiman put into the work for you. He didn't write a "bad on purpose" season of television. He wrote a good season of television! I'm sure there are mysteries to unravel, and fun clues to go back and find later on when we see how it all ends up. But he didn't write an entire season of TV to be a big giant misdirect in and of itself. I really don't think that's how this works.

End of soap box.

[ftmcutiepie]

when you say you kind of get gender euphoria from this, is that to say like the /mis/gendering actively implies its incorrect? or that its like being a feminine masculine person? i guess this is asking whether girl is a modifier or a noun for you

Pretty much yes.

I've seen it phrased this way before and it always resonated with me, so yeah, kinda the whole point of my misgendering kink is that it's /mis/gendering, and in that way it's kinda paradoxically validating if that makes sense.

I'm not 100% sure what you mean with the second question, but I'll just dump my thoughts on it / gender roles/expression I guess under the cut lol.

Sooo I think one of the main reasons why I have this kink is that I've always been more traditionally "feminine" than stereotypically "masculine", and that caused some insecurity/internalized transphobia for me.

Like, I felt like I didn't have the "right" to call myself a real man, that I must be non-binary because a real man wouldn't xyz.

I never like actually believed that anyone (else) needed to be a certain way to be a "real man", I know that's bullshit, I just struggled with that stuff relating to MYSELF, if that makes sense.

Over time, I overcame those "self-doubts" and realized I'm literally just a binary trans guy and only really comfortable with he/him pronouns - maybe he/they if another trans person uses those pronouns for me, but my mother tongue doesn't really have gender-neutral pronouns so it's not really relevant IRL.

BUT I'm still insecure about OTHER PEOPLE not seeing/accepting me as a "real man" because I'm trans and not stereotypically masculine.

So for me this kink is a way to

a) kinda explore my "femininity" in a sexy way to make in fun and kinda "reclaim" it in a way

b) deal with those anxieties, being called a fake boy and a girl, literally being told I'm not/will never be a "real man" in a safe environment where it's all fun and pretend and like I said, because I ask to be misgendered and people respond by calling me a girl, that means I'm actually a boy, yk?

But yeah like I do have traditionally "feminine" traits and I do enjoy wearing feminine clothes not just in a sexual way, that's why I like the term femboy (feminine boy) for myself.

Sorry maybe I am stupid but I'm not sure what you mean with the third question either😅

Like, a noun can be a modifier?😅

I guess in the term ftm girl "ftm" modifies "girl". I'm a girl that's ftm. Paradoxical, isn't it? That's why I'm not a (cis) girl.

I'm like those shitposts(?) that are like "I'm like if a boy was a girl". But not in a non-binary way. More in a gendernonconforming way. Like a femboy.

I do feel like trans men can - and I do - have a specific "relationship" to femininity that most other people, specifically cis ones don't have.

Like, I'm a guy, I came out because there was no way I could be happy living as a girl/woman. But, at least for me, "girlhood"/"womanhood" wasn't always some dysphoric nightmare, I did enjoy parts of it. That doesn't make me a woman, but at the same time, I shouldn't have to give up "femininity" just because I'm a guy. Still, many people do believe that there are right and wrong ways to be a certain gender, and trans people already are on thin fucking ice just for being trans. God forbid they don't adhere to gender roles and cissexist standards to a T😂

I guess, this is just me having fun with my gender (expression). Sometimes a boy can "be a girl" (= enjoying femininity I guess) without that having any impact on his actual gender identity (= actually being a girl).