#look ma i'm self-promoting

[iturbide]

🎂

ONCE AGAIN MY BIRTHDAY HAS ROLLED AROUND honestly I don't know how it got here so fast didn't I just have one of these

In honor of the occasion, though, I decided to give back to the fandom community:

Chapters 2 through 6 are now up on AO3; Chapter 7 is still unfinished in drafts, and while I have no idea when it'll get wrapped up, Chapter 6 should at least end at a satisfying point: no cliffhangers, no drama, just some much-needed relief.

Thanks for sticking with me so long, through the burnout of 2022 and into 2023: it really does mean the world to me, and I hope this can brighten up your weekend. ❤

[undreaming-fanfiction]

Eddie's hard work has finally paid off. Corroded Coffin is the new sensation and soon enough, Eddie gets an invitation for an interview, one that could promote the band on a much larger scale. He's excited but also terrified and Steve, being the supportive boyfriend he is (and also CC's unofficial mascot, "the yellow sweater boy" or simply "Stevie" to the fans) offers to go with Eddie. Eddie introduces Steve as his "emotional support ex-jock" and it goes well.

Until it doesn't.

Eddie gets more lively as he talks about the band's beginnings, the inspiration behind their songs and their influences, his own musical idols and influences. He's at ease, gesturing animatedly as he explains the evolution of the band's style, so he's caught off guard when the interviewer brings up that fateful spring of 1986. Eddie freezes, opens his mouth but nothing comes out. The memory of snapping bones, feeling of helplessness...it all comes flooding back.

But where Eddie feels like curling up into a ball and hoping the world will finally leave him alone, Steve is ready and prepared. He grasps Eddie's shoulder - Eddie blurted out a confession in one of his concerts so it's no secret for his fans that they're together, but why tempt fate - and gives the reporter a wide smile, sincere to someone who doesn't know him. He slips into his charming persona and speaks for the first time during the interview. "Thank you for asking this question," he says and the drop of poison easily dissolves in the sweetness of his voice. "I hope my recollection will be enough because I sure don't want to have Eddie go through all that horror again. But I assure you...I was there for nearly all of it. So ask away. I'm glad to finally set the record straight."

And so Steve talks about that March, about how Eddie found Chrissy dead in his trailer, mutilated in such an inhumane way his body took control and got him out, no call to the police, not a single thought. He mentions there was a witness who saw him enter the trailer and immediately stumble out, not enough time to harm anyone (Max has stuck to this story and never changed it, no matter how much anyone pushed). He talks about how he met Eddie later, how shaken he was and how the town started a manhunt for Eddie for no good reason, except that he was different. "He started a club for kids who were outcasts, who just wanted to remain children for a bit longer - and the whole town went to hunt them down. They attacked a thirteen year old girl. They beat up a fifteen year old boy just for belonging to the club."

Now it's Eddie's turn to grasp Steve's shoulder, his arm, worried about his sharp tone, his hardly contained anger. But Steve carries on, staring the reporter down as he stutters that he will have to verify this information. "This is rather different from the official story," he says, his forehead glistening with sweat.

And Steve just flashes the disarming smirk that established him as King Steve once upon a time and tells him to verify it all, please. Because Eddie Munson has nothing to hide and neither does the Corroded Coffin. "It's not different if you paid any attention to the police report," he mentions calmly, leaning back in the chair. "People don't like to speak ill of the dead, but a dead person is exactly who's at fault here. Jason Carver riled up the mob. He bought a revolver after he did that, publicly for self-protection, but..." he shrugs, buries the edge in his voice under his charm yet again. "We have a witness that heard him admit who it was for." Dead men tell no tales, but Nancy Wheeler sure does.

And as the reporter scrambles to put together a coherent thought, Steve lands the finishing blow. "It's a shame you only invited Eddie to discuss this," he says and the sympathy in his voice is almost believable. "After all, his band mates were also targeted and attacked."

The reporter stares at him, speechless.

"Oh, you didn't know?" The disbelief is genuine for once and he leans in, looks the man straight in the eye. "Jason Carver and his friends went to interrogate the band, you know. Only to talk, they said. Except they almost broke Gareth's hand during that talk. Once again...there is a witness. A different one, if you were about to ask. Perhaps you should talk to them too, I can give your their contact details. You know," he adds, smiling at the reporter, "I am incredibly thankful you brought this up. There aren't many who are willing to dig up old wrongs to set things right. I wasn't sure what to expect of this interview, there was always a possibility of someone malicious taking advantage of this traumatizing event, just to get a shocking scoop on a bunch of guys who have worked incredibly hard to get where they are. I was wary because there are always people willing to destroy lives just to get a bit further in theirs. I'm so grateful you aren't one of them. Because I see you as someone who wants to do more than shock their audience...I think you're someone who wants the truth, no matter how ugly it is."

And no matter what the reporter intended before, he is that man now. He nods frantically, assuring Steve that he will bring justice to Eddie and the Corroded Coffin. Steve Harrington has that effect on people - if he believes in someone, that belief is often enough to give that final push. Anything to keep Steve Harrington's faith, not to disappoint that earnest look in his eyes. Eddie almost feels sorry for the reporter - after all, he knows the best what his boyfriend is like when he doesn't hold back. It's a sight to behold.

After a few reassurances from the reporter, the man finally turns to Eddie. "I apologize for bringing up bad memories, Eddie," he says and perhaps this time he means it. Eddie would like to believe that. "Is there...would you like to add anything?"

Eddie thinks screw it and firmly grasps Steve's hand, homophobia be damned. He needs to get through this. "Yes, actually..." he says and his voice is low, almost broken, but at least it's coming out now, carrying the words he's wanted to shout at the world for years now. "That night...was probably the worst night of my life. Worse than when I almost died. Well. When I actually died before someone brought me back," he smiles at Steve, briefly, before turning back to the man scribbling down every word. "It took me a long time to realize I couldn't have done anything to save Chrissy. Hell, some days I still don't believe myself, I'm thinking if I've done something differently, been faster, but...in the end, it didn't matter. Doesn't stop me from feeling like I failed her."

Steve knows these things, of course. That's why he doesn't interrupt, just strokes his thumb over Eddie's whitening knuckles.

"Chrissy Cunningham was a wonderful, bright girl. She was friendly to everyone, even outcasts like me. There is no way in hell I'd ever want to harm someone that...that warm. Kind. The truth of the matter is - for years I didn't defend myself against these accusations that still appear from time to time, no matter what the official investigation said. I didn't sue anyone even though I was advised several times to do so, for the slander, the attempts at my life. Because you...because I felt guilty just for being there. For surviving when she didn't." He looks at the reporter with full force now, straightens his spine. "But I knew Chrissy Cunningham and I know she wouldn't want anyone feeling guilty for something they didn't do. She brought joy to others, not misery. And I want to honor her memory. So once and for all, for the record - I didn't kill Chrissy. I never hurt her, couldn't have. But I still keep her with me as an inspiration, as a soothing voice behind every bitter thought - I don't talk about her, don't use her story for publicity because she didn't, doesn't deserve that. But she's what I think of when I see bright smiles of our fans, when I see young people having fun at our concerts - I wish, more than anything, that she could have been one of them. So I try to bring as much joy into this world as I can to make up for the empty space she left behind, even if that might never be enough. That's all."

The interview spreads like a wildfire. Headlines like "Corroded Coffin's Eddie Munson breaks silence for the first time!" or "CC's frontman reveals details of persecution and mass hysteria in 1986". The news pick up the story, question the people in Hawkins who deflect or begrudgingly admit to their actions, justifying their deeds...but some of them talk. Karen Wheeler becomes the star of the show, recalling in horror the hunt for her daughter and her son's friends. "I vouch for Steve Harrington's recollection," she says firmly, shushing her husband's feeble attempts at deflection. "I'm glad someone finally had the courage to call the spring of 1986 what it really was - a witch hunt."

Eddie finally has the courage to do what he's wanted for years - he names the next album This One's For You, Chrissy. The world knows now, it knows that he mourned for her in his own way and that she meant so much to him, as a first extended hand, as a symbol, as a human being. He donates as many profits as he can to a foundation in Chrissy's name, providing the much needed mental health support to Hawkins children and teenagers. And piece by piece, Eddie Munson heals.

Before the interview becomes the sensation it is, Eddie crushes Steve in a hug and thanks him for everything, for making this burden easier. He's still worried his words will get twisted, that there will be a new wave of hatred, but Steve just chuckles and kisses his head. He reaches into the leather satchel he had at the interview and presents Eddie with a dictaphone - everything they've just talked about recorded. "Please, Eddie," he rolls his eyes in that bitchy way that has Eddie swooning, "I may be pretty, but I'm not stupid or naive."

Apart from the much needed closure and at least partial justice, there is an unusual side effect to this whole ordeal - Steve gets a new nickname in the Corroded Coffin fan base. After the way he handled the interview, after shielding Eddie and his band mates from unwanted attention, he becomes "The Guard Dog Steve", also lovingly referred to as "Golden Retriever Steve". Eddie loves it. Steve finds it ridiculous, but it makes Eddie smile so maybe it's worth it.

[rifki16]

Tadaima, Okaeri Episode 5 Review

Photo Source: Tadaima, Okaeri Twitter Promotional Twitter Account

A very yummy salmon sashimi that left me feeling weird

I have to confess something yall. I freaked out on Twitter. After the cold open, when Matsuo was at the Fujiyoshi's, I really thought that Matsuo had actually got engaged or married to Yuki. Like, damn bro, I need to see Matsuo and Yuki dating! They looked so perfect and comfortable together ^^

HOWEVER, as I watched the opening scene again, it turned out that the ring that Matsuo had resided on his middle finger NOT the ring finger haha, Gomen nasai to all my Twitter followers or who read that tweet of mine.

I really don't know what it is with Matsuo and his obsession in teasing Hikari about being an older brother. I mean, the interaction about being the older brother started out fine. Then, Matsuo told Hi-chan about all the responsibilities of being the older brother. He could have just said that it was fun yet you just needed to adjust how you behave in order to teach your younger siblings about the world. Matsuo is something else haha

I was so sad when Hi-chan got a mild fever :(. I'm so glad that Hi-chan and Hina-chan have two dads and they agreed to divide up the attention so none felt like they were abandoned. When Ma-chan told Hi-kun that he had done enough, I cried so hard yall. I really don't know that parents could do that.

You know, loving without harming self-growth, providing space emotionally to grow.

When Matsuo was on a call with Ma-chan, Matsuo needed to apologise because he didn't think that his teasing could have made Hi-chan catch a mild fever, I really wanted to tell Yuki to just discipline his man lol.

Okay, I really need to type carefully about the next subtopic as it's something that needs very thorough research and nuanced perspectives, yet I have time to do neither and I really want to just put it out there. Treatment of Women in the Male-dominated Space within Omegasphere

First of all, I was quite pissed off that Hinata didn't get her own banner. I don't know why yet, it could be that maybe Hinata was just born, and her name was also just recently given - as indicated by the fact that when Fujiyoshi-san was on a call with Hiromu, Fujiyoshi-san still asked Hiromu about Hinata's name. It could be that maybe only firstborns were allowed to have a banner like that. It could also be that Fujiyoshi-san was just reinforcing the old tradition and that he didn't really want to put up the banner with Hinata's name.

Secondly, does any of you remember the scene in Modern Family, when Cam was given breakfast on bed by Mitchell? Cam was hysterical because Mitchell made it seem that Cam was the woman in the relationship.

I mean, homosexual relationships are always confronted by this problem, even by those who were supposed to tolerate us; "who's the man in the relationship?" and most of the time they answer said question by inferring from an answer to the question of "who's the top?"

My point is, that these heterosexual normies seem to always insist that we conform to their gender roles in a relationship, even when we are definitely not a heterosexual couple.

The scene of when Hi-chan was wearing the hat and costume which his grandfather bought for him. I really don't get why Ma-chan needed to stay in another room with Hi-chan's grandmother. I mean, as Ma-chan bore Hikari and Hinata, I guess there was no doubt about who the bottom is. But, Ma-chan is still a man and he seems to still identify as one, so why the forced equivalence?

I HAVE TO STRESS THIS ALSO BEING A CALLED A WOMAN IS NOT AN INSULT. I'm not saying that somehow Ma-chan lost his dignity because he got misgendered, or rather treated misgenderedly. I just don't like that Hi-chan's grandparents seem to only see Hi-chan as their grandchildren's baby incubator, and not as a full man who has a womb. It's such a queer erasure to treat Ma-chan as a woman because it means that Fujiyoshi-san really just sees their son marrying a woman, just with different genitalia, instead of seeing and accepting that their son is in a loving and thriving homosexual relationship.

Thirdly, now, this is why I call this episode a yummy sashimi that made me felt very uneasy. When Hi-chan's grandmother gave Ma-chan her kimono, I cried uncontrollably. Ma-chan even got shy when Hiromu saw him in one, that really warmed my heart. I understand that the scene was supposed to highlight how Fujiyoshi-san really saw Ma-chan as one of their family members. But again, there's a part of me who wants to protest making a Kimono as a gift, but I really have no cultural perspectives as to whether a Kimono could be worn by a man too or not.

All in all, watch it yall, it was so cute. Hi-chan saying bye-bye was EVERYTHING

[ettawritesnstudies]

what is your favourite line you wrote this year?

what are three things you're looking forward to next year?

time for shameless self-promotion! answer with a piece of writing you want others to see/read!

Thanks for the ask!

I really like this line from the Runaways Epilogue: it only takes one broken vase to instate a "no flying in the house rule" but Ma sews wing slits into the back of Cecelia's shirts anyhow.

I'm not sure if that's my favorite line from the whole year but it's my favorite in recent memory!

Next year I'm looking forward to developing End of the Road and The Otherworld Explorer's Club or maybe Vilotta's Adventure as ideas for the next thing I'll publish post-Runaways. I'm sure there will be a lot of Runaways edits too but I always love brainstorming new stories ^^

oohhhh, as for links.... I wrote Pale Blue Dot as a dedication to my friends when we were graduating college and moving all across the country, so it has a very soft spot in my heart because I miss them a lot.

[em-writes-stuff-sometimes]

I can't sit here and deny that Otto is smart and very ambitious-this woman is the same disgusting trash of a human, but she is lacking in the smart department.

Basically, I'm a preschool teacher and we are colleagues; we work separately and her son is in my class, but she hates my guts and she sleeps with the principal so you can see how this is a problem.

I live between two cities, the one i work in and a bigger one where i go to uni, my husband tattoo studio is there as well, so my schedule is pretty tight and almost never flexible and this is a problem for her because "how can i give my son into the care of someone who is not even in the city" she has problems with my tattoos (that are not visible) and she hates (lusts over hah jokes on her) my husband because we are promoting smoking, drinking drugs and dangerous lifestyle with the way we look (tattoos) her passive aggressiveness does not know a limit.

For the second year she is trying to fuck the boss into firing me. I'm lucky that my boss is really cool and puts a stop to her disgusting attitude. But everything escalated in one meeting, the teacher day, her son is such an angel and it's one of my favorite students and thank god he lives with his dad.

Anyway, so I'm doing my rounds of the house and the crazy witch just appears running towards me with my husband coming after her because this witch was armed (i know it sounds crazy IT WAS) so this woman proceeds to slap me across the face ( because apparently I'm sleeping with her husband) .... butttt as i was defending myself i may have broken her arm in three places, and my husband may have recorded the right; so now she is in jail for 2 years. And to think she already had her friend ready to teach my class.....😁

Sorry if I'm just rambling i just find it funny and when I'm sad i remember how i broke her arm and i always feel better 😌🤣

Hope you have a great day:

✨️Walma Dickfit✨️

Oh my god - what a PSYCHO. She sounds like a fucking dumbass, SO glad that story ends on a positive note. Jeez, that poor kid, I can't imagine having a mum like that - I mean, mine's crazy, but not assault-someone-and-go-to-jail crazy. Well done on the self-defense; excellent MOVES ma bro!

[fgrobichiko]

Case 1846L - File 2022V

[Subject: A series of disappearances in the town of Moulesy in the years [REDACTED], as remembered by witness.]

"I still remember the warnings, of course. Ma, bless her heart, always said it was rude to stare, but it was more than that. Papa said it plainly - we shouldn't talk about the house behind the road.

It didn't seem to have any path to it. I may never have gone looking for it - I was a good boy, of course - but my cousins would, and so would the boys who didn't go to school. Never learned right I guess.

Me and my brothers' room were at the back of the house, though. We kept the drapes pulled tight shut as children. When the whigs tried to bring back window tax we'd already been trying to find a bricklayer.

First time I was in a pub, I heard old Albert talking. I were struck dumb. I didn't know ADULTS could break the rules like that. He'd talk about the shape of it. Said it was too strange. Like it was growing.

I were at his funeral two week later. There was men there I didn't know. Moulesy ent a big town. I'd guessed they were cousins of his. Ma told me not to stare. The box they had him in was closed, o'course. Had to be back then. I never knew he were sick.

My brothers left. Went to work Coventry apparently. Ma said they'd be busy. I'd hope there'd be money from em. Never saw any. I left schooling, and with my first wage I bought a big, beautiful bookcase. It covered the window perfectly. The garden were shadowed more'n it had been. We'd stop going back there soon after.

Papa left one day. Said he had business in London. Never knew what it was, said he had to tell about something. Ma begged him to stay. Said something bout my brothers. Said they ent coming back. I didn't understand, tried to speak up, but I caught Papa's hand instead. Ma were crying. Asked who'd support us. He said I would. I was proud then. I din't know to be scared yet.

He ent come back either. I hugged ma, said I'd get a better job. Walking to town I felt brave. Coming back... well, it's rude to stare innit. Even if I'd get a glimpse of tall, tall windows. Swore I couldn't see em before from the street. But I'd had a growth spurt. Put it down to that.

My boss were asking questions when I told him about Papa. Checked my street address again. Started raging. Had me take over for him when he stormed out. He came back soon. Rushed in. Two men came after. I assumed men. Wore black. Tall. Very tall. They grabbed him and he yelled. It was a butcher's shop, so I couldn't tell at first but - the stains on his clothes was new. One pointed to me as the other covered my bosses mouth. I had my cleaver. I put it down. I were about to ask what the hell happened, averting my eyes as I didn't want them self-conscious... don't know why that was a concern, I guessed I just wanted to be on my best. But they just left. The three of em. That's how I got promoted.

When I went home... well, there was no home. I guess I found the path to the big house. Realised I was walking toward it directly. Tried to search for my home. I couldn't. The house was right on the street. It took up the whole street. It went into the road. I turned back. Moved into my bosses place above the butcher shop. Started moving in new circles. Din't talk about it til now. When you came in, started taking people, I knew it weren't about manners no more. An' now I'm telling you. But you knew already yeah? It shouldn't be a problem, yeah? Right?"

[Report ends. Though in his late thirties by our best estimates, Mr. [REDACTED] a notably childish worldview. That he lived so close to the epicenter of the Moulesy incident, without seeming to be emotionally affected, suggests he may have been hiding more than he shared. Whether this is intentional or not, his disappearance from our custody and the devastation of his cell suggest quite a significant struggle that can only be explained, in this researcher's opinion, by notes C-E, case [REDACTED]. The Moulesy facility has since been deactivated.]

[jb-98]

Box investigation Entry 1

This is stupid, but, I promised I'd write this somewhere.

I'm not sure where to start, I guess, I love the outdoors. Don't get me wrong (no one's going to read this), the outdoors is lovely, but when I say I love the outdoors, I mean I practically live out there, well, lived. I'm from MA, and I love taking walks through the forested parks around where I live. There's this one, about 12 miles outside of Boston that I love. I go there almost every evening after work. It's so quiet it's like a different, much quieter world in this densely populated part of the US. Honestly, honestly idk how they do it. Well, I recently went out for a walk and, since I'm so used to seeing the same terrain and foliage day after day (not that I'm complaining), it would be pretty hard for me to miss a clear mound of dirt just off the path that I'd never seen before. It wasn't very large, far too small to make me think of any sort of foul play. I dug it up. It wasn't that deep. My guess is that it's just a geocache that people bury sometimes, although Idk why anyone would choose wood for their box. It's really fancy too, part of me thinks the box itself is the reward, but it won't open. I mean, there's no locks on it, but the lid feels stuck or maybe even glued on. I'm going to talk to a friend soon and see if we can get it open without damaging the outside. I'm getting ahead of myself. Ever since I dug it up I've felt, like... good? I feel like this box was a nice little treat for me going out and getting exercise, touching grass, you know? I feel like good things are coming my way, like right after you get a promotion and life starts looking up. It's not a strong feeling either, and there have been so many other things in my life that could make me feel this way, but... I like my box, and if I get a little second of self indulgence to throw out skepticism and be happy, you know what? this will be my Lucky Box. I'll post more later (if anyone happens to run across this and actually cares) once we get this box open!

[rennyji]

a topic coming up from mom seeing a video about mindfulness for work

Renny to Ma, in a sad situation where he discusses things with her, instead of a potential girl friend or wife - but whatever.

Mindfulness, as we discussed downstairs is how you make changes to your thinking, your diet, your perception, your actions like choosing to exercise. It comes from awareness of what you’re doing.

When you pray with awareness, instead of asking for Ma to stop fighting Renny, you can ask God to help Ma ignore certain things about Renny or just accept certain things for the overall mood and well being of the house.

---

this section update January 21 9:07 PM

My mom, who, also, at least one time, shared in magic thinking. She thought the astrology or the stars were to blame for her and me always being at odds. She thought our old house was responsible for bad energy leading to evil forces influencing our relationship. She never stopped to think or wonder if she's doing something or not doing something, in our case: she speaks and never listens. mom's in such a rush to speak, she suffers from delusion that I'm interrupting her when I'm speaking. How do you deal with such a difficult personality?!And believe it or not? I haven't done a single thing worthy of upsetting a mother. She says or is directed by orchestrators to say incendiary things like "if you talk to potential employer prospects like how you talk to me, you'll never get a job/lose a job." She's convinced despite something playing god with my life, everything bad that happens is my fault. The thing with me? I'll talk and talk with her, in the sense of time and time again, but there's something going on with her hearing or processing of what I'm saying. Like something from the Bible, "they have eyes and they don't see, ears and they don't hear, otherwise they'd be saved..."I tell her things to stop a comment, a behavior, an annoying practice, to promote peace and well being in the house. My mentality is to communicate an issue. Hers, as may have been witnessed a few minutes ago, is tell me to rudely shut up or don't bring things from yesterday, to today. If she does the same irritating thing over and over, doesn't it get said over and over.

With something like our kitchen, we have an island kitchen table with shelves built into it. One is for me. She has a tendency to organize and reorganize this shelf, that is alotted to me, over and over. I lose things, things get misplaced, and I have to buy the same things again, because things go missing, in this process of organizing/reorganizing. If everything I say is relayed, it may have been noted that I mentioned a stopping of this organizing of what is, my shelf. She did it again. This time twice in one week. She put everything on a tier of the shelf into a box. I'm like okay whatever. Then she moves things from the box into two lids of a storage cube (not the storage cube, but the lids) and puts it into the tier of the shelf. Now when I take the lids out to get the things on the shelf, the lid isn't stable enough and things end up falling out of the lid, as I take them off the tier of the self. Doesn't this get annoying? And if you tell her, or hint at it being OCD (behaviors like constantly reorganizing), she pins the spotlight on me. Today she walked off rather quickly after getting me riled up over an insult to my potential or prospective professional work mannerisms. Probably something told her and like a dog she listened. Usually she keeps trying to trump what I say like a child. When they get old, they get senile. Or she didn't trump what I was saying, because the orchestrators are trying to get her to get me to write. It's not about making me look good from my mannerisms, practices, perspectives, or writings, but having me look bad as mentally ill or a mean son. These things she does, compounded by 35 years with her, will result in angry tones, even cursing. She's obsessed with certain notions, and you have to react.

When I was on the verge of being planted in "my situation" with the mind readers, I was hell bent on conveying to her all that I knew about my situation. She's just focusing on cooking and washing dishes, while I sat at the kitchen table in our old house talking to her. I thought if I could show I'm not crazy, then my legal rights won't be waived for a situation to occur. I thought if she knew the truth to the abuse I endured at SUNY Albany, she'd stop listening to the orchestrators. On one day, she says, she'll listen to what I'm saying after picking up my father from work. I get excited. She comes home, the two of them sit at my dining table and I try to convey what I know. They end up giving me a hard time and don't want to listen. Upto that day, I've been talking to her everyday with no progress. When she broke her promise of listening to me, a years worth of frustration manifested on me tossing cereal on the floor and taking the chair I was sitting on and carelessly letting it go in the direction of the wall immediately behind me. What's going on in my head? Why won't you listen? Meanwhile my father is saying delusional things like He's Abraham and I'm Isaac. Is something making him think he has to sacrifice his son. He's saying crazy things randomly like a phoenix bird rising form the ashes. Does he think, figuratively, I'm going to be burned alive in some way? I get sent to a hospital, for trying to communicate my issues, for trying to save myself from an imprisonment that lasted longer than some people's jail time. I can only think its to further a disappearance of my legal rights. While at the hospital, I contest meds and stay for a month, while judicial proceedings take place. In that time, these people had a chance to observe me. I made friendships, taught a guy English, lent an ear, prayed for my peers...will the nurses there have selective/nonexistent or negatively influenced memories? Did I do anything bad while I was there?

With consecutive hospitalizations, my parents ... and there's the crazy thing ... I think they're looking at me like a black/white movie without sound ... trying to interpret what's clear as day ...but my parents will say strange things like they're going to sell the house and throw my things into the garbage. An argument ensues. They make strange faces, while the orchestrators make me into the lie of a guy that makes faces.-Its probably because they were so careless with how they exposed me to the truth of my situation. When the school lied about my situation, as we're leaving, if I turn around, you can see them pointing fingers and blaming each other. If I comment on this explicit happening, they'll say I'm reading people and a schizo and get a doctor to believe it, cuz I have no say in my situation. Points to a troubled kids show trying to extend its reach. This gets tiring and all the more reason I'm tried of illegal immigration because free housing gets thrown to them, while I'm constantly in this environment where I have to rely on my parents, because "I trust' they have valuable insight into my situation to navigate better decision making. But in retrospect, I'm just seeing careless stupidity like something from caveman throwing sticks or speaking gibberish. the orchestrators have my memories, my complaint forms saying my parents aren't the best to this situation, despite forsaking necessities of my luxuries.

To paint a picture, when my dad drives me some places, and it rains, he says he'll drop me at the entrance, and walk from the parking lot in the rain. He sees himself as a stellar father because of this type of "care". But I can't talk to the guy. It's literal gibberish back and forth. When I came downstairs today, my mom walks in my direction with a Clorox bottle. Because I'm going to eat, I rinse my hands with water. But my mom looking at the chlorox bottle makes me think the orchestrators are still manipulating her flaws and fears of me, to make washing hands related to her walking with the Clorox bottle. As if there's a connection.

I think the orchestrators are scared because of the basic nature of two people from a village that they entrusted with mind reading, mind control, and a troubled kids show.

To compound the lack of communication or miscommunication, they're not allowed to talk to me about my situation, and I"m not allowed to talk to them about my situation, while everyone concludes I need electroconvulsive therapy (aka shock therapy)

Violent people in prison don't have go for shock therapy, but clearly the guy who got an MBA in this h*ll hole, and drove home for mom's quoin and vegetables every weekend he was there, and worked at a company, is crazy. But then they'll say "he's a highly functional mental patient"...talk about oxymorons...if you're mental, you can't function in some shape or form. I"m doing higher level things, and I'm mental, to the point where I need two antipsychotics, antidepressant, benzodiazepines, legal marijuana in form of cbd used for seizures, and of course ECT.

Lets forgo mindfulness, and good advice from a psychologist (vs psychiatrist) so that we can fry Renny into a vegetable because we fear his strength when squatting at the gym, so that people can walk all over Renny all his life, without Renny reacting, because now, if someone bothers Renny on behalf of this, and Renny reacts, the orchestrators will be liable.

And the orchestrators? They want to keep painting a vulnerable picture. You want to know what the trick is? They make it about how good he is in his perception of women or that he's a Sunday Church goer ... They paint you like saint, vs The Boss you are, so that people step on you, rather than give the respect of Christ's Golden Rule on person to person dealings. I don't want to be stepped on, I want the vast majority of you, out of my way. This "thing" that happens, keeps putting everything and everyone, "in my way."

Mindfulness is the answer, especially when the orchestrators of my situation manipulate the flaws or stupid attributes of parents naive personality (I'm 35 yrs old . Ive earned a license to be judgmental with them, when rightfully so). My parents are so out of it, they'll be oblivious to it. I'll tell them, they tell me to sh*t up because they don't want to be exposed or because the orchestrators tell them to.

I wouldn't even bother explaining this, nor will I, take all the time you need, but I wanted the pleasure of typing on the slant provided by new lap desk. Then the idiot kids, faculty, government/military, that are in this, want to have me lash out against things that wouldn't be in my focus. Some of you don't wash your a*ses, and aren't good for a cup of coffee, why bother with you. Clearly, I'm the loser. Clearly, take joy when an impossible situation falls on me-Loser to be wrung through the ringer.

The things these retards in the orchestrators don't get. I am the ultimate psychologist, the ultimate psychiatrist? You wanna know why? Because of mindfulness. I'm outside of the endless bull sh*t or happy talks and talk groups to express nonexistent feelings. If astrology wasn't a pseudoscience, maybe someone would take into account my inherent attributes as a diplomat or lawyer. No one, as seen from my vast insight on a variety of topics, can give better advice than me, and that too, to me, in a situation where everyone lies as part of a larger circus. It comes from prayer and mindfulness.

I've had therapist give their experiences about toilet paper when coming to America, their relationship advice on how everyone has herpes nowadays and it shouldn't be a concern when getting into physical relationships, I've had therapists who say I'll never be good for a particular nationality of people, I've had therapists talk over me/which is contradictory to meaning of a therapist...you're paying them to listen, not interject, not interfere, not talk over. Not listen to your mother. I talk about these vast things on real world topics and with the insight into my situation, and you, the orchestrator want me to waste my time saying like a drugged up pot head "I'm sad" to a support/talk group. When this ends, note it here, I'm going to ring you through the wringer. Goes without saying with all this evidence, all proof. Trying to get me to say things before the end, before the trial, ... either way, you the orchestrator are guilty. The scales of justice are not in your favor, with your endless stupidity. I hope the youth voices have gained kids or spouses, while depriving me, so that they can watch you rot in jail.

Another possible reality? If my family confronted the orchestrators with a legal case a decade plus worth of time ago, would my situation have taken this long? Would I have had to go through all this? The stupid show exploits my parents' mentality and probably makes them think, let's clear all possible scenarios. I mean, you go to a therapist, you can get issues squared out in, for sake of argument, say 5 years tops. My parents are very much anti-court cases. Yeah ummm they probably don't want the publicity. But then that makes me wonder: are they aware of the reality and the depth to my situation over how they're publicizing me? Do they "comprehend" the extent and consequences of this? Or are they opting for drug like "feel goods" from support of Church community and extended family members they have believing my parents' delusion. I know my father and mother. When they so much as close a door for private conversation, it's very much alien to our home environment as that implied secretive nature started with the reign of the orchestrators. Even the mentally ill have rights. They can file lawsuits. Regardless of cost, you will be sued, not in civil courts, but as serious as courts go. The INTENT to deprive someone of rights, the expressed intent to put someone through h*ll. Watch yourselves, step the f* off.

---

art of conversation between those in my life and me...really off...

https://www.tumblr.com/rennyji/740974704732569600/the-art-of-conversation-random-dark-side-of?source=share

---

Maybe stars and how astrology influences personalities, is something that lays a foundation for how relationships progress or worsen. But it comes down to choice. First you have to choose to sit down and think about, or listen to someone who shines a light on, a flaw, so that then, you can choose to make a correction. In some Churches, they say a prayer of Confession: "through my fault, through my fault, through my most grevious fault...and then they ask to pray for themselves... What is that prayer saying? Be mindful: recognize your fault. This is a fundamental tenet of Christianity. Yet so many are too bothered to think. To ask for forgiveness of sin, you need to recognize sin, or another word for it: mistake. You need to recognize mistake, remember mistake, ask for strength overcoming the mistake and not repeating the mistake.

Not to cast a negative light on my mother, but people need to realize what they're saying, what they're thinking, what they're doing.

I was watching Thor: Ragnarok. The character Loki, the god of mischief, Thor's brother, is an interesting character.

Loki is bent on causing chaos. It takes losing, getting beaten over and over, for him to stop and think: "Why am I such a bad egg?" He realizes he's upset that he was lied about being adopted, has an inferiority/superiority complex where he needs to show he's destined for glory, even though adopted. He realizes how pointless his ambition is. Once he realized it, he rose to truly being "burdened with glorious purpose," as he says it. It signifies something scary about most people. You're so glued to what you want to do and have to do, in going to bed and waking up, that you never stop to realize the things you think, say, do. No correction occurs, and then, if you're religious, you constantly go to Church, mindlessly saying "forgive me for sin," out of some sense of obligation or maintaining face in community. In the case of my mother, so many of our conversations, while muddied with multiple languages, end badly, because she 1. never listens. 2. is in such a rush to speak, that she glazes over/or doesn't listen to what you're saying 3. is so tired from responsibilities that her attention is diminished, 4. and because she never listens, she never hears the insightful things I say or my dreams/desires for a future, compounded with speaking in different languages, which all leads to frustration and confusion.

Learn to consciously think, speak, perform actions. Now, from my situation, what you can get is that, if you fail at the above or are lazy about mindfulness, you may never realize that you were possibly mind read/mind controlled. Americans make mindfulness, like everything else, into some lovy dovy massage spa notion of being compassionate and other tantalizing things.

Mindfulness is about conscious awareness to what you think/say/do.

--- Section injected in middle, as an update, on January 20, 2024 8:15 PM

This mind reading/control situation takes away executive functioning, and above all mindfulness. I’m turned into something like a cat or dog. Like a reptilian on animal instinct. If i need to use bathroom, I gotta go right away. I can’t hold it. If I’m hungry, I gotta eat right away. It’s crippling hunger. This is coming from me, the guy who didn’t even drink water when going to Church for 7 hours on Good Friday because of our Orthodox Christian faith. On a different note, switching to Catholicism because of the global availably of Churches and the daily multiple services offered - and its in English compared to my Indian Church.

But I digress,

With something like eating, when you can’t take a mindful decision to make positive changes to diet, you need help of Ozempic, Wegovy, Zepbound, or other related weight loss drugs to suppress overall desire to eat. Then you don’t need to make a decision with executive functioning or make a mindful decision from awareness of a bad diet.

The people doing this to me, want to better my body, instead of encouraging me to make a decision and use will power. They want to make my body prone or inclined to better choices - when they want to do something good in my ordeal - vs. encouraging my mind to make a decision about such things.

Simple example: some people like chocolate and some do not.

On such a simple example, rather than having me choose to avoid chocolate all together or eat it minimally, they change me to the guy who hates chocolate or is averse to it.

There’s a lot of evidence to my situation as I believe, happening.

But I have no proof or something I can show to someone like the police or my family to attain freedom. With applying for jobs over the last 10 years-which is 3650 days-and having a 2 degrees (1 of which is a graduate MBA with a desirable tech computer science degree), You know “something” isn’t making sense, when no one wants to hire you or give you a chance. Not 1 job offer in 3000+ days? Unbelievable. One of several things that are just unbelievable.

If it my situation is happening, as I believe, and someone gives me proof that it’s over, then, through that mechanic or mindfulness, my mental troubles would disappear without medication.

Psychiatric drugs are so bad. Mindfulness is the answer. In my FBI complaint forms, I indicated through a repeat post/update that make things natural where no one lies about my situation. Someone wants to comment on my situation, come up to me without invading my personal time or alone time or disturbing my meal outside.

Right now, it sucks. I walk mentally between two worlds. One where I believe strongly, with much evidence, my situation is occurring. Another world where doctors, family, police tell me nothing is happening and reinforce this with medication and hospitalizations. It makes you "shaky"(if that's the best description and not alluding to anxiety), "shaky" in some shape or form, mentally and/or physically when it comes to mind...its like periodically thinking you're naked in front of a crowd and the resulting effect on your mind and body from such thinking.

If I got proof, I'd live in one world, rather than two. I could give a Biblical correlation, from the years of Catholic school I've had and Sunday services attended.

Someone thinks Christ does good because of power from the devil. Christ responds it cannot be from the devil because if Satan's Kingdom is divided between good and evil, it cannot stand. On a everyday/secular basis, what that's saying with respect to the mind is that if you have one foot in one idea and another foot in another idea, you risk getting kicked in the nuts. All these sayings and parables, on a different note, are about strengthening the mind and getting people to focus.

If you cannot focus on something like a candle flame for more than 20 seconds without a thought, how can you embark on a college degree, a job, a conviction?

What's another example?

Christ says anyone who harms these "little ones" , it would be better for them to tie a rock around their neck and drown themselves in the water. The crime is that severe. But what is an extrapolation on an everyday level for the mind?

Anyone, anytime who harms the innocence of the mind (the "little ones" -> symbolic of innocence), it would be better for that person to just die without salvation ... the crime of offending a mind is that severe.

Personally, when I was younger, I thought the most important part of the "Our Father" was "Give us this day our daily bread." <- because that means take care of our needs and desires.

But as I grew, with my struggles for focus or ADD, I realized "Thy Kingdom come" was the most important part.

Christ says the Kingdom of Heaven is like a seed that is harvested. It grows and prospers and we reap the benefits.

Christ says if you have solid faith like a filled up mustard seed, we can do anything. Sounds like focus.

If we discipline our mind, what we endeavor what we have believe, we can accomplish.

With the orchestrators overpowering me and subjecting me to lack of freedom, I realized the next important part of The Lord's Prayer.

For the Kingdom, the Power, and the Glory, are yours, now and forever. The Kingdom, in that line, could be the heavenly state a mind can experience. Our minds are gifts to use, to make 10 coins, 20 coins, through exercising of the free will, mentioned in the Adam/Eve story. Abusing the mind, free will, is abusing the Kingdom, and the Kingdom belongs to God, and not man, and the Kingdom of the Mind should not be abused or violated by man. The Kingdom is Holy. Influencing the mind, influencing others, controlling the mind, controlling others through instructions, reading the mind, understanding the mind <- that's the Power of God, and that Power is Holy. We assert that it's the Power of God when we say the Lords Prayer, or its there for people to know Who such Power belongs to.

The orchestrators misuse a privilege, fallen onto them, over me and my world. When they misuse it to do "this situation" to me, even though I know so much about my situation and it serves no practical purpose to continue concealing it, they forget that this Power does not belong to them, and that This Power should be used for Glory of God, and not for the glory of the orchestrators or for the glory of man or a military.

---

One thing people can take from this? Forget your thoughts on mind reading, mind control, stupid cover up notions like predictive analytics. The orchestrators claim to be able to be able to show memories.  If that’s true, them and all of you, then there really is a Day of Judgment. It means our lives are meant to, or at least can, be read like a book for Judgment. It means beliefs about our lives, our good deeds & bad, from start 2 finish, from birth 2 death, are recorded & able 2 be seen at the Will of a Higher Intelligence. That then implies, some reward or punishment based on the picture our lives paint. That then implies Heaven & Hell.

[idledreams-burninghearts]

So autistic burnout and how it impacts me

Basically it happens when you mask too much and fuck it if I don't mask like all the time

I've basically been masking since I was born lol. There are varying levels of masking, for me at least, I can't speak for other people

I guess the person I mask around the least is my ma but considering I live with her and I only get 14 hours a week actually alone, you can see how that isn't good right? Lol

Anyways, here's some ways it can look in adults

emotional dysregulation (lmao, def feeling this, could have probably stuffed my feelings down and snuffed them out if I hadn't been going through burnout for a couple months now)

decreased self-care (I am trying so hard but I've got no energy to do anything for myself. All my energy is going to work and my dog)

increased frequency of autistic traits (I can feel like they want to pop out but I'm not sure if people can actually tell? I really don't know how to unmask but I can feel the struggle of it trying to slip off)

irritability (yeap, being very resistant to change at work and yeap)

low motivation (oh yea, I really do not care about sales at work, I really don't care about doing anything except for sleeping)

Here's what it feels like to be going through it

anxiety (yeap! But I'm always anxious lol)

depression (yeap! Also always depressed)

extreme lethargy (yeap! I have chronic fatigue but it is definitely worse right now)

inability to ask for help (yeap! I have never been able to ask for help though)

memory issues (yeap! Also have always had a shit memory, thanks childhood trauma!)

loss of words or selective mutism (def going through that)

reduced executive functioning -e.g., staying organized, making decisions (yeap! And I think this is why I'm dissociating so much right now too. Kinda miss the full on black out dissociation. Not liking this fuzzy foggy sense of self and sense of the world, makes it real hard to know what's real)

trouble bouncing back from daily tasks (oh yea, but how can someone not have trouble with this when going through everything else?)

suicidal thoughts (yeap! Normally I'm just passively suicidal, like it would be nice to die but I'm not gonna do it, but it has definitely been pushing into actively suicidal lately, womp womp)

Besides masking, an article I'm reading says "Another reason you may feel exhausted is that you’re required to participate in long-term interactions that don’t offer much relief, like socializing at work. Though they may be 'lower-level' interactions, says Lombardo, they can deplete your energy." And I'm just like, yea, if you're masking then that is a huge chunk of energy. I love my coworkers (some more than others lmao whoops) but it is draining. And I work in retail so I have to interact with customers which I 100% do not want to do lol

Frequent changes are also listed as a reason for burnout and there have been a lot of changes going on at work since they were bought out. Manager was like "stop complaining about corporate they haven't even done anything lately" (which not true, they recently added a pop-up when you clock in saying to make sure you have your name tag and smile on and that felt like a huge slap in the face to me as I'm struggling with masking and is basically telling me that I can never unmask at work) but like I'm still struggling with the dress code change and being promoted to a supervisor position I never asked for and how the store no longer feels like we're finding the best option for the customer according to their needs but to just get them to spend as much money as possible and just like every change that has happened

The article lists some barriers in getting adequate support

"In a 2020 studyTrusted Source, participants reported that the inability to receive support for their needs contributed to a sense of burnout. This included:

being told burnout is your own fault (luckily I have not experienced this one)

hearing that it happens to everyone (my manager has said this to me lol, I have talked to her about it but it fucking sucked)

getting dismissed when you ask for help (it is very hard for me to ask for help so I don't really do it directly. "I'm too autistic for this" "we are understaffed" of course management doesn't listen to that. Plus I mentioned being understaffed one too many times and my manager snapped at me lol, I don't blame her she is under a lot of stress and she did put up now hiring signs after that)

Some ways to recover from burnout include

Removing obligations : It’s time to get a little ruthless with your schedule and commitments. If something isn’t 100% necessary, take it off your calendar for the near future. Your new goal is to try to find as much downtime as you can, with fewer extracurriculars, work projects, and social events."

Which I am doing. I've quit my dnd group. My schedule at work is going to be reduced to 3 days. I really want to work on cosplay but I'm waiting until I've recovered (which hopefully I'll still have enough time to work on at least one lol). A coworker friend invited me to sushi with everyone and I'm like that's nice but I can't lol.

And participating in soothing activities which they list a few

spend time in nature (trying to do that more, tossing peanuts for crows at work and such)

practice a calming visualization

exercise (lmao fuck no)

draw (I don't have the creativity right now)

listen to music (yes yes yes)

journal (yes sorry to everyone that I use Tumblr as my journal, ironically hiding myself and keeping secrets is a trigger for me. Like I make it so hard for people to know me and I mask but hiding myself and keeping secrets is a trigger? Like I know exactly why, this is childhood trauma shit but like what the fuck)

stretch (yes and popping everything as I do so)

sit in silence with someone you love (I love my ma but there's issues I can't get past while living with her so I don't think this would be a good option for me) (sitting in silence with other people I love are also not good options because they are too far away and it takes up too much energy to get to them and our schedules conflict and it takes up too much energy to plan something out or because I'm crazy lol)

Sensory interventions like compression, noise canceling headphones, texture seeking, enjoying favorite smells, having a sensory closet

I don't have a weighted blanket and I'm not sure how I would feel about compression anyways. I don't need noise canceling headphones at home and I can't wear them at work lol. I do enjoy textures at home but it's harder to do that at work. Also can't enjoy favorite smells at work. And I wish I had the space for a sensory closet lol, maybe when I have the energy I can go through my closet and start tossing the stuff I need to toss.

Sleep is great for burnout but also if you can't sleep, just rest

I am doing a lot of both when I'm not at work lol. Wow, I really hate that I have to work in order to survive. This is a huge issue for me regarding my depression but that is a whole other post

Practice self compassion

Haha, yes yes

Something this specific article doesn't mention is that a lot of people on the spectrum also develop gastrointestinal issues and I think one of the reasons that happens is because of masking and I do think my gut problems get worse when I'm in burnout.

[iturbide]

Fic Authors Self Rec

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you’ve written, then pass on to at least five other writers.   Let’s spread the self-love! 

Tagged by @banyanas​​ and I’m dying because I most of the stuff I’d probably want to rec doesn’t exist

so you’re all stuck with a bunch of Awakening because that’s all that’s finished

The Future Built Upon the Past (Fire Emblem: Awakening, 158k, in progress)

My monster, my baby: the fic that got me writing again after years of being creatively fallow and my magnum opus for the Fire Emblem: Awakening fandom.  It’s not even done yet and it’s already far-and-away my biggest endeavor to date, with my current estimate for final word count sitting around 600k whenever I manage to finish it.  A story of love, of friendship, and of bonds that transcend social mores, diplomacy, orders, duty, and even fate itself.

Heart of the Moon (Fire Emblem: Awakening, 60k, complete)

The first long-form fic I completed for Fire Emblem: Awakening and arguably the first long-form piece I’d completed in years.  One of my favorites in general since it’s based on East of the Sun and West of the Moon, my favorite folktale, and to this day one of my favorite F!Chrobin things I’ve written, particularly since it inspired a sprawling sequel that explores a lot of politics and social dynamics and a lot more character relationships and I haven’t finished it yet gods dammit

Cursed Fate (Fire Emblem: Awakening, 57k, complete)

As Gun would say, I was taken by a fey mood and banged this one out over the course of a month, month and a half tops after she decided to pick up Shadow of the Colossus on a whim.  This one never got much traction, which I think is a shame because I very much like it.  Along with drawing its narrative structure and overarching premise from Shadow of the Colossus, it also let me play around with a structure reminiscent of a fairy tale in how the repetition of its story beats, which I personally thought was pretty cool.

Affectionately Yours (Fire Emblem: Awakening, 59k, complete)

I love this one a frankly stupid amount.  Written for the 2020 Chrobin Celebration, it ended up as a love letter to Plegia: tons of worldbuilding and cultural nuance, meditation on the difference between blame, fault, and responsibility, and lots and lots of letters.  I have a weakness for epistolary format, despite not utilizing it often, so I had a great time choosing the fonts for handwriting and planning out the letters.  Someday I’m going to bind this in leather with gilded pages and it’s gonna be gorgeous

Proof of Life (Fire Emblem: Three Houses, 3.7k, complete)

The shortest piece on this list and also the only one that’s not from Awakening.  I love how this one turned out, particularly the conversation between Claude and Dimitri and Dimitri’s private introspection while he talks to his sleeping friend.  It never really got a lot of attention which I cynically think is because it’s gen and features a platonic relationship, but I still feel like it’s one of my strongest pieces.

And a bonus shout-out to my piece Invisible Ties in the Lodestar.sys sci-fi zine since I still feel like that’s the strongest piece I’ve written since I started posting fic again.

Thank you for tagging me Bany I appreciate you -- and since I can’t tag you back despite that being my first instinct, how about @wolfs-dawn​, @fayesdiary​, and @cheeseandcake-from-ao3​...and anyone else that wants to give it a shot!

[seasurfacefullofclouds1]

Hello, I'm the anon that asked why Louis's numbers where so low in comparison and why people liked Harry so much, and you gave all those posts. So here I am again (this is going to be a long exposition of things I need to get off my chest so feel free to ignore it i guess):

1. First of all thank you, as a new fan it is hard to find this info (haven't read all of it yet but I'm getting there)

2. I have never really cared for my favourite artist's lives, usually don't even know how they look like, so this Louis thing caught me by surprise. It was this random series of events: youtube suggests no control, that takes me to carpool karaoke, Louis instantly catches my attention, 1D rabbit hole, larry, and now here I am. Yes, I started as a Louis and larry fan on twitter (in that order), but even though I tried I could never like Harry. I don't like his music or find it interesting, and with time his attitude, constant marketing and exploiting of his fans, etc. started grating me.

I know I am late and people might have made their peace with it, but I'm bitter and angry about everything I found in your posts. I love Louis, I think he is an honest, funny, caring, optimistic, loyal, thankful, good person, and I really REALLY love his lyrics and his voice (and he is damn attractive). I know you can never really know a celebrity, but I really think he is all that, I am really happy to be his fan and talk about him to everyone who wants to listen. I got into larry twitter, so while people loved and praised Louis, they also loved and praised Harry, and I saw their images and attitudes almost as opposites, so when they put them together it seemed really weird to me. It was always "Louis asked how we are doing, and look, Harry did another photoshoot so I'm going to buy the magazine". "Louis is doing a free festival, Harry is making another movie and promoting nail polish". I admit I got so annoyed that I followed louies, blocked Harry's name and everything related to him, but still he comes up every time. And that's how I came here and found your blog, because while I still have my louie account, I couldn't find somewhere to rant about everything that was wrong with Harry or even know if there was someone who saw things like me, or I was the weird one hating on someone everyone loves (if you have any advice where to go on this front, please!)

3. Still, while on larry twitter, I found that a lot of people where "Louis biased", and starting to complain about Harry (but many still buy everything he touches? I don't understand), so I'm hopeful for the future even after all the larries sabotage I saw in your posts. Maybe it is hopeful thinking but I see a change.

4. I know this things take time, especially with how they made Louis lose his momentum after 1D, but I want him to finally get the recognition he deserves, and I want it now after learning everything that has been done. I know it's not going to be now, but I'm here to stay.

5. Just because I'm petty: I am self aware enough no realise that most of my problems with Harry and his fanbase come from the fact that he is so linked with Louis that everything he does gets compared. Comparing their career success is not fair on so many fronts. If he didn't constantly come up I would be fine ignoring his fake, shallow, greedy existence.

6. Just because I'm very petty: I really don't understand why both their voices are perceived by people the way they are. Just considering their voices, Louis' is the most unique, beautiful and special one for me. But talking about technique: Louis has always had good technique, he wasn't the weakest voice in 1D at all, and yes, he has improved, but I cannot stress this enough HE WAS ALREADY A GOOD SINGER IN 1D! While I don't care enough to look into Harry's technique live, I can say that the fact that he was on vocal rest, or couldn't talk at all sometimes shows bad technique. That indicates strain, which is what a good singer should avoid, and is how nodules are made (and I'm an amateur opera singer, so don't mess with me on this people).

If you have made it this far, congrats and thanks again. I rambled a lot.

Hello hello!

I loved this whole ask. It was amazing. I read it through three times!

So much has happened in the last six years (and been shoveled under). We all have very selective memories and biases, including people in industry and including the 1D members themselves. It’s impossible to remember everything, important to have documentation for reference. Facts are important to provide some basis for how we feel.

Fandom tends to rush to feelings first, facts second. The emotional bias that “Harry is a nice guy” disguises the actual facts underneath; this happens to some extent with Louis, too. Fans don’t want to admit when 1D are behaving exactly as we said they wouldn’t— that maybe they have sold out, that they want to be wealthy and famous, that their values have changed.

My literature teacher always said that we can judge characters by their words and actions, and by the words and actions of other people around them. We can infer only from what we are able to observe— not from fantasy or fanfiction. My problem with Twitter /Tiktok/ Instagram is that these platforms are poor for documentation. It’s hard to put links in or to make a fact-based, substantive case. Reddit isn’t much better. There are lots of opinions spun out of thin air.

Your anger is valid. Your willingness to look into facts is admirable. You’re brave and truly kind. A good Louie to have in his fandom. I don’t know how his career will be, but judging by this tour, it is robust. Louis’ force of personality cuts through a lot of bullshit— that’s his strength, and it can never be taken away.

[rifki16]

Tadaima, Okaeri Episode 4 :)

Photo credit: Tadaima, Okaeri Twitter Promotional Account

A very delicious well-seasoned warm soba.

Before moving to the analysis, I would just like to congratulate Hiro-san and Ma-chan on their growing family, I'm so happy, and I wish all the best for them, and all the love for the newborn bebe Hinata and her big brother Hi-chan :)

The episode was a very good calming bottle episode. We only saw the four main characters, five after Hinara was born. My statement from Living with Him episode 3 analysis might be wrong, I think there have been many bottle episodes in the BL series which I have watched, it's just that I did not notice it.

You know, when I was becoming a big brother, I think I was also teased and joked around by a lot of my parents' social circles, however, I did not really remember as I was only 5. I think Hikaru handled the teasing way better than I did. I love that he's just him, his authentic self despite the social pressure of being an older sibling.

The microaggression in the mall was really uncalled for, I guess that's what the omegaverse is like, I suppose. I'm so glad tho that the old alpha person was made to look like the weird one when he put all of the imaginary, speculative, future burdens of being an alpha and a fujiyoshi to Hikari. Bro, he's no more than 3 years old, you already determined how his future was gonna look like.

Now, I'm gonna write this delicately. When Masaki was contemplating whether his daughter, Hinata, was going to be an alpha or an omega, I really wanted to write about how many disabled parents would not wish to burden their children with the traits they have. I have watched so many birthing scenes in sitcoms, and all I heard from them is the fear of how their new offspring is going to be some kind of disabled. However, I have not found any scholarly articles or even a news article about disabled parents and their fear of passing on their traits to their children. However, I did find an NYT opinion article about an XLH-gene having mother who passed it on to her son and daughter. Of course, she cherished all her children and that all of them were healthy. And I agree with her that disabled people must be seen through a generalized lens, rather that all of them are unique individuals like all mankind is. And I think, Masaki was very brave and emotionally strong in actually confronting his fear and preconceived notions about being an omega, internalized omegaphobia, when he said

"I'm the one person that cannot reject her"

I think it's good that he's not pushing his omegaphobia thoughts too far away and that he chose to address it. Hinata is so lucky to have a very dedicated, loving, and accepting parent like Masaka.

I really felt it when Hiromu hugged Masaki after the spiraling thought. I really hope that one day, I can have a great support system like Hiromu and Masaki.

The hide-and-seek scene was very lovely. The way that the whole family participated in the game was very heartwarming <3

I cannot end the review without cheering on Matsuo and Yuki. I was so sad that I thought the dating scene would not have appeared in this episode, but it turns out, that they made it into a post-credit scene. so kawaii ^^

watch it yall, it's so good :D

[babbushka]

I'm going to be greedy this Sinday lmao First request: headcanons for Clyde on Queer Eye? ❤

Big Bear needs all the help he can get -- he just wasn’t expecting that that help to come bursting into Duck Tape one afternoon to surprise him with the makeover of a lifetime!! 

Karamo 

When the Fab 5 first arrive, it doesn’t take much for Clyde to get flustered and overwhelmed. He immediately goes quiet, self-conscious about his arm. Karamo notices this, notices how he’s clearly reserved and not as confident as he could be. 

Over the course of the week, Karamo and Clyde talk about some of his personal hangups. He opens up about the family curse, and how that cultivated in his time in the special forces and how he carries a lot of survivor’s guilt, especially about the mine that went off as he was transpo’ing out. He lost his arm in the explosion, but some of his friends lost their lives, and he’s not so sure he deserves to be here. 

Karamo asks to meet with you privately and you let him know that Clyde’s never been very open about his PTSD, or going to group therapy or anything like that, he just bottles it all up and hopes that in ignoring it, it’ll go away. You tell him that you do your best for Clyde, but you weren’t there and so you’ll never be able to really understand where he’s coming from, as much as that hurts you. 

Karamo invites Clyde to talk with his family -- you, Jimmy and Mellie, to have a heart-to-heart about possibly doing some volunteer work at the VA, as a way to stay connected with those who have been through what Clyde went through, and show him that he’s not alone. 

At the end of the week, there’s a Veteran’s Day celebration at Duck Tape that Karamo wants Clyde to invite his old buddies if they’re in the area to join, so that he can spend some time with people he lost touch with, in addition to allowing himself the opportunity to begin the healing process of his own trauma. 

Antoni

Antoni is immediately enthralled with the rich southern style cooking of Clyde’s hometown. He asks Clyde what sort of dishes remind him of his childhood, and Clyde gets all misty-eyed. 

He speaks about Mama Logan, about all the dishes she used to make before she got sick and passed away. He talks about how he used to always be her little helper in the kitchen, and how growin’ up she taught him a lot of the recipes that were passed on down from the generations before her, but it’s been so long, and with his arm ‘n all, he hasn’t tried to make them. 

He grows emotional thinking and talking about his mother, and Antoni reminds him that when we’ve lost people that we love, sometimes food is the strongest way to reconnect with those memories, and we shouldn’t avoid them. We should be celebrating those memories, and making the food that brings us closer to our family, especially those who we no longer have. 

Antoni also takes this opportunity to remind him that he’s an incredible bartender, who has overcome any adversity to make really delicious drinks -- he can do the same with food and reconnect with his childhood recipes with some modern tweaking to better assist his arm. 

Over the course of the week, Antoni discovers Clyde is a grill MASTER, and they spend their time together coming up with a recipe that his Ma used to make that’ll be sure to satisfy a big crowd for the Veteran’s Day celebration at DT. 

Antoni also invites Clyde to have you help in the kitchen, not that you don’t always, but to use this as an opportunity to grow even closer. Who knows, maybe one day he’ll be passing down these generational recipes to his children, and he’ll have a little helper in the kitchen all his own. 

Tan

Tan is very pleasantly surprised to see that Clyde’s usually well dressed and put together!!

There’s very clearly a “staying home” wardrobe and a “work/going out” wardrobe. The button down tucked into jeans look is minimal yet effortless, but Tan knows that they can do better and refine it just a little bit. 

Tan understands that Clyde is a very shy, reserved fellow, so he doesn’t ever want to push him outside of his comfort zone in a way that’ll make Clyde shut down. Instead they focus on sprucing up the wardrobe that Clyde already has. 

Tan introduces some better fitting button-down shirts and trousers that aren’t just jeans, that are made by clothing brands designed to assist those with amputations. He gives Clyde a variety of neutral looking colors that will compliment his skin tone and hair nicely, while allowing him to step out of the box of ‘dark blue, light blue, and navy.’ 

Also he burns all the cargo and camo shorts lol, and replaces them with more sophisticated and better fitting shorts that show off Clyde’s muscular legs and casual pull-over shirts for around the house wear. 

Johnathan 

Johnathan falls IN LOVE with Clyde. They think he’s so incredibly handsome and is very very surprised with the level of care Clyde puts into his hair -- but come on, how can we blame them? 

Johnathan gives Clyde a trim just to get rid of some of the dead ends but mostly focuses on the whole goatee situation, and teaches Clyde how to maintain it a little more properly so it doesn’t go super scraggly the way it can sometimes get. 

They also take Clyde in for some therapeutic massage to ease some of the stress of being a business owner, and introduces him to a skincare routine, because come on we have to treat our bodies as well as we treat our hair! 

Clyde opens up that he’s always felt lesser than or not as handsome as his brother and his friends, because of his missing hand. Johnathan tells him that he is absolutely stunning exactly as he is, and that he needs to take care of and accept all of himself.

Bobby 

While all this has been happening, Bobby has been remodeling Duck Tape. At the beginning of the week, he and Clyde sat down and decided that because he’s planning on growing his family with you and moving out of the trailer soon, that it would be best to focus the efforts instead on the bar. 

The bar is just as much home for Clyde as anywhere else, it’s where he spends most of his day when he’s not with you, it’s a staple in the community. There are some people who have been regulars for decades, since before Clyde even bought the place. 

That being said, Bobby doesn’t do anything outrageous with the bar, he only modernizes it a little. He makes it more accessible for differently able-bodied customers, he gets some new TVs in there for sports nights, he spruces up the entertainment system with a new jukebox that’s hooked up to better speakers.

New pool tables, dart boards, and a whole little section for ‘bar roulette’.  Each slice of the roulette wheel is labeled with a unique drink of Clyde’s choosing -- making it more fun for indecisive or adventurous customers, and giving Clyde the opportunity to promote new drink choices. 

At the end of the week, Clyde’s completely overwhelmed in a positive way. He’s reunited with his old military buddies who have missed him, and they promise to stay in better contact. You and Clyde spend one night a week making one of Mama Logan’s old recipes from the book that previously was left covered in dust, as a way to remember the beauty of the time he had with his ma. He follows Johnathan and Tan’s advice and puts more effort into his outward presentation, while following Karamo’s advice by working on his inner feelings. 

And through it all, you’re right there to love and hug and accept him and keep him moving in a positive, forward direction, to be more confident and more openly himself. Sure he’s still shy and reserved, but he smiles more now, laughs a little louder, brighter. He doesn’t hunch himself away as much, doesn’t make himself smaller. 

Clyde Logan is one handsome, kind, compassionate, caring, wonderfully strong and smart man, we all know it -- it was about time he knew it too. 

[theangrypokemaniac]

I'll state from the beginning that the images below display the sort of sweet synchronicity to which only love can give life:

MaAndPaShipping is the best ship, and here are five reasons why:

1. It Made James

Like the boy do yer? Ever felt the slightest tingle of warmth at the mention of his name?

Well get down on yer knees and give thanks to his mother and father for gifting him to the world!

Where would we be without their remarkable commitment? Could James have grown into the dandified dream boat of your desires if deprived of the safety provided by his parents?

Had they not brought him up, he'd be dead, The Dog of Flanders fantasy made reality. If miraculously he survived, foraging in the wild is not conducive to a foppish personality.

Is that to yer fancy? No? Then let's have a little respect. The luxury Ma and Pa gave enabled his macaroni tendencies to reach such heights.

Their love created him! How can it not be celebrated?

You lot would ship Jessie's parents but you can't, because she has no dad, and I don't suppose you'll ever assent to his obvious identity of Windy Miller, although 'Jessie Miller' has a wonderful ring to it, so what can be done?

Should a Pa Jess be conjured for the purpose, he still buggered off, didn't he? Where's the allure in a faithless git?

I can't comprehend the obsession with Ma Jess. As soon as here she's stiff, and what is there to remember but coercing her daughter into eating snow?

Hey, I named her. What more do you want from me?

I'd rather have the living, visible ancestors, if you don't mind.

Yeah, says the history fanatic.

Why not make the most of the chances offered, and follow a devoted couple whose love made a difference to your existence?

2. Canon!

There are many ships which I find repulsive for involving depravity, or absurd as the subjects haven't met, or don't inhabit the same fictional universe.

Video et taceo: I see and I say nothing.

Neither does anyone. Forcing decent folk in to incest, bestiality etc. is quite alright.

Perverted ideas are left alone, but woe betide a Rocketshipper, because that's offensive.

It may be the only original ship left standing, with proper evidence and sanctioned by Nintendo, but no, it's fair game for undermining. People pick at your arguments, quibble constantly and NEED to register their objections NOW. You MUST be made aware of opposition. You're not to be permitted your views the way those with twisted tastes are indulged.

Why, out of tens of thousands of combinations, does making Jessie and James an item provoke hostility?

The strength of negativity actually serves as validation, for why be so concerned if it's an impossible relationship?

However sick they are, I'm not anti any ship. I can't muster sufficient interest to do it, and if I scroll on, I forget. I certainly don't attack those responsible.

Anti-Shipping is inherently nihilistic for promoting loneliness. They aren't against Rocketshipping through wanting Jessie and James to be with someone else, as an alternative is not readily available, so the outcome of it is neither finding a companion.

MaAndPaShipping attracts no sourpuss silliness, for 'tis canon beyond question. There's nothing about being 'just friends' when married with a son.

How's the state of your O.T.P.? Not looking too clever I expect, and what's your contribution: wishing, and hoping, and thinking, and praying?

Cast it off! None of that longing is necessary in these quarters, as MaAndPaShipping is a fait accompli.

Hallelujah! Wallow in that Love!

Don't you yearn for at least one ship that all of us accept by default, to the extent these aristocrats are spoken of as a single unit?

Across the internet, Ma and Pa are bracketed as 'James's parents', never 'he' and 'she', always 'they', barely counting as distinct characters. That's how undeniable the love is between them. Sheer indifference has awarded it a blessing from everyone.

MWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!

Of course, now I've drawn attention to it the moaning will start, but we all know a spoilsport when we see one.

If they had any legitimate complaints they ought to have mentioned 'em before this piece highlighted the marriage!

Except it won't have occurred to 'em previously, proving the eternal, indissoluble quality of MaAndPaShipping.

You get good value with this one.

Find a post referring to Ma and Pa as individuals and I'll have written it, for that's what you call ironic.

3. It's a Fine Rocketshipping Proxy

I was at primary school when Pokémon hit the West like the bright, bearded meteor it is, atomizing all competition for a child's attention.

I have shipped Jessie and James before I knew anyone else did it, unaware shipping was even a thing.

There are other pairs where I think: 'That seems to fit', but it's incomparable to what I feel for them.

It is part of me. I bleed it.

I have shipped it longer than most Tumblerries have dwelt upon the earth.

I used to believe, what with the hints and manga finale, that this resolution was  inevitable, and all I had to do was wait.

Well I've been patient for two decades now, thus when I look at the modern incarnation, and realise it's no nearer to that goal, and instead is further away, waiting starts to wear a bit thin.

I resent the lack of appreciation shown to the fans by the cretins in charge, how any meagre shippy inclusion is done not with an interest in deepening bonds, but with the blatant cynicism of moulding us into performing monkeys dancing to their manipulative tune.

I dislike being treated like a sea lion, expected to clap me flippers at the wave of a fish, or as a panting dog begging at top table, where, because they're desperate to maintain the status quo, every scrap flung down from above now comes with an Anti-Ship kick in the teeth, just to be sure nothing progresses. Not whilst the franchise can still be milked for all it's worth.

I have lost faith Rocketshipping will happen. What passes for Pokémon today carries not the remotest indication of any intention on the so-called writers' part to finish it that way.

Even if it did, it's not my Team Rocket, it's those skeletal, gargoyle bastardisations. My Jessie and James never got the reward they deserved.

I'm somewhat in the market for a replacement. Beneath this loathsome carapace of acid and ice beats the tender heart of a true romantic, and it must have an outlet!

Shipping Ma and Pa provides a certain spurious relief, because it's as close as you can get to Jessie and James without it being them, both biologically as his parents, but they're so similar to the duo it counts as proof in itself.

Holy Matrimony! is prime Rocketshipping territory, not merely the balloon lift, but many slight additions are as important, like the haircuts matching.

Ma and Pa are therefore Jessie and James in the past, present and future:

The past for representing Jess 'n' Jamie gone Victorian, and we've all wondered how that'd turn out.

The present as it's there right now, absent of suffering the shameless whims of morons to get what you want. 'Tis yours to savour.

The future as a glimpse of Jessie and James once married with children, and they agree:

That's how they play it given the opportunity!

What, James in blue, for his and Pa's hair, and Jessie wearing purple, like Ma's, with a red shawl for her own, and Ma Jess's orange earrings to copy the beads?

• Money!

• Bun!

• 'Tache!

• Classy pad!

• Fancy gear!

• Pampered pet!

• Identical cups of Earl Grey!

4. Original Blend

Ma and Pa have only got two fans! We care more than the entire fandom has in twenty years!

Rocketshipping art is ten a penny, so why not display a pioneering spirit, sharpen up those pencils and be inspired?

Let your mind expand and marvel at the possibilities of these unchartered territories, and I'll reblog it if it's nice.

Pay attention to the condition of it being nice. I'm not putting up with any old toss.

Real Ma and Pa is what I want too, not those Sinnoh coffin-dodgers.

It's never been done! Every drawing breaks new ground!

I don't like fan fiction, but I wouldn't say 'no' to that either. Recall the 'nice' stipulation again.

Come on, be the first amongst your friends and get ship shape!

5. It Gives Us All Hope

Suppose your favourite amour one day became canon: you imagine that's the end of the matter?

Well it ain't.

Between Ash, Misty, Brock, Jessie, James, Gary and Tracey, there are three-and-a-half out of fourteen parents (Flint doesn't count as a complete man) and one out of twenty-eight grandparents, and that's not enough!

If the series drew to a close with your beloved couple apparently walking into the happily-ever-after, there's no guarantee it'll endure. In fact, the odds are they'll split up within a few years and leave another generation to fend for themselves or starve.

That's right, so don't presume the final episode is all you need to worry about. Can you rest easy knowing it'll go pear-shaped once the camera stops rolling?

It's futile soothing one's worries with:

Oh, but they know what it's like to be alone. They'd never inflict such stress on their children.

Oh really?

Look at that poor showing of grandparents. Either Pokémon has a system reminiscent of the sci-fi film Logan's Run, where everyone over thirty is vapourized, or these disappearing maters and paters were themselves victims of abandonment.

I bet when they settled down, they thought it'd be different for their kids, they'd make sure of it, but no, off they went down that same route of feckless self-indulgence, and that's being kind assuming they intended not to repeat history.

Depressing eh? What's the good in any of us surrendering to romance, real or otherwise, if love is but a mayfly of emotion, and all dreams are doomed to die?

Then Ma and Pa arrive, and suddenly the storm clouds part for a ray of heavenly light.

It's not only that they made the effort in what was probably an arranged marriage and have stayed together from youth, it's that they've stayed together when no one else has, which augments its value.

When separation is commonplace, sticking it out becomes rarer and rarer as any belief in the sanctity of wedlock erodes with every failure.

If they didn't bother, why should I? What's the use when it won't work?

Once that idea enters your head, it's over, and your gloom-laden attitude fulfils itself.

Society is collapsing about Ma and Pa's ears, but they persevere nevertheless, refusing to buckle under the turgid malaise engulfing the arrogant and weak.

It's bloody beautiful, man!

You may suggest an environment of supreme wealth erases normality, and to their class and time period divorce is still taboo, so they don't really have much of choice but to remain wedded.

Ah, but it's not as if they simply tolerate one another for appearances, or carried on for the sake of their son (which is more than anyone else did besides), not when he walked out on them.

They've been married longer than James has lived, so at least eighteen years (don't all squeal at once), and they're still blissfully contented!

They hold hands!

They use terms of endearment like 'dear' and 'my precious'!

They were made for one another!

They work as a team!

They want the same thing for James!

It could bring a stone angel to tears it's so beautiful!

See what success can be achieved when you try? When you endeavour to love the one you're with and make yourself worth loving in return?

Better that than chucking 'em at the first sign of trouble.

Ma and Pa is such an irrevocable union even the despair of losing their only child failed to tear 'em asunder, and that'd defeat many, but not this husband and wife.

Be grateful, for it means all is not in vain.

It doesn't have to be misery and pain: love can last despite the pressure of a wretched, hollow culture bent on self-destruction. Your ship might just succeed too.

God bless 'em for keeping the magic alive!

...

Why do I have the presentiment that I'm going to regret encouraging support?

[dylannicknight]

Page 47. Happy Three Positive Years!

October 7, 2015. I was diagnosed. It was my mom's birthday. Amazing how time swiftly flies. It's been three difficult but amazing and awesome years.

It didn't really started that easy. Just like everyopne else, I had my struggles too. When I was diagnosed I had endured the side effects of my meds, disclosed my status to some close friends. Some, accepted me, some did not. I was called names like malandi, makati, mahilig, mapusok, maharot. I have been judged from here and there and I think I just got used to it anyway. I didn't really know how they come up with those words just by knowing that I am a PLHIV. I was even lectured of having a long term relationship. I mean, What the heck? The relationships I had has always been years. So why lecture me about long term relationships?

Ever since I was diagnosed my work changed too. I left my previous job. I was already a webinar trainer there but decided to leave to start a new life. I was jobless for 6 months. I moved to a different company where I believe I excelled and just got my fifth promotion. I think my virus brings me luck. lol! Although, someone in my workplace spread the word about my status which made me sad, but I had to move forward. You cant really please everyone and tell everyone not to do what they do. I was able to get over it and it doesn't even bother me anymore that some of my officemates might know my status.

In those years, I also looked for my own support. I looked for people like me and tried to ask them how they coped up with the situation. I tried to blend myself in their group and community and I was actually amazed that most of them are actually just like normal people. I have been a regular reader of Iam H. Positive and has been a fan of Billy Santo. I learned the language, where we called ourselves pusit or short for positive. we called the meds a lot of names and made fun of our conditions. We used to put it in our expressions such as "juice colored! lakas makaubos ng CD4!" hahaha! I really find that funny. We sometimes made fun of the OI's some has gotten in the past but not really in an insulting way. I made a lot of friends. We laughed and cried and hangout and dined together as blood brothers.

I also had some friends who lost the battle. A family friend of ours who was diagnosed late. He died with a lot of complications and my uncle was there with him and paid most of the expenses. even after he died, his family kept in touch with us and always invited us fo weekend and holiday stays on their resort. One is my good friend Jose. We dated once. He shared his life story with me. He was form the province and was sent by his parents here in manila to live on his own. he didn't live life that good at first but he was able to get on his own feet. He never got the chance to get back in their province and its really sad that he had to go back there with just his remains. When he got diagnosed, I was really sad. I wanted to see him. He kept asking me to see him and catch up and I really wanted to but my partner that time and mom wouldn't let me. I wanted to encourage him, support him and make him feel that he is not alone in his battle. I wanted to tell him that I am also a PLHIV and look at me now. I'm all okay. I asked for all the help that I can to help him out but eventually... he died. It has always been my regret. Then another friend died, and another, and a partner of a friend and a partner of a coworker. This actually led me to do my advocacy. To at least do something to stop people from dying.

Since i was diagnosed, I had two relationships. The first one I had was a Serodiscordant Relationship. Meaning, he is not a PLHIV. The relationship went on for 2 years and 3 months. At first, everything was okay. We decided to focus on our jobs and set the relationship aside. It wasn't an easy relationship. I've always been cautious and probabyly had the self stigma as I always fear that I might share the virus to him. We did set the relationship aside until it felt like there is no relationship anymore. But we're good. I don't wanna go into details anymore.

Then my present one. My happy pill. We just had our first month. I am 3 years older than him but whenever I'm with him, I feel like a kid with my daddeh! haha! I love you hub. I like how he encourage me to do better and be the best. Whenever I'm with him, I feel like there's a whole big world out there that I haven't seen. I feel so naive. Being with him just makes me feel safe. It's like I can do everything and no one will ever ever hurt me. I like the way he would look at me and give that smirk. I like the way he hugs me like there's no tomorrow and that he will never ever let me go. I like the way he hold my hands and brings me all these surprises. This is my first seroconcordant relationship.

In the family, My cousins have always been supportive of all the things I do. I disclosed my status with 3 of my closest cousins and they all accepted me. Although my mom knew my condition, she's always paranoid that something might happen to me, that I might get sick or not eating well or not sleeping well or just stressing myself out. She would always remind me that I am her only son and I will forever be her baby. Whenever I am at home, she would cook for me, buy all my favorite fruits like kiwi, honeydew and persimon. prepare all my favorite dishes then we would bake together and shop together and I would tell her all my PLHIV adventures. She just couldn't stop herself from worrying and I guess that's just what moms do. I love you ma. But I am a grown up now and I have to live my life. Dad however doesn't have any clue about my status. Or maybe he does. lol. As always, dad is a good adviser. a good listener. The thing is... His HIV 101 is so outdated. Maybe one of these days I can finally tell him.

I learned to make my circle very small and close and yet get to enjoy life justy like any normal person. I dedicated portion of my time in the advocacy and a part of that is this blog to tell everyone that there is definitely life even after HIV. :)

[leafyxthiefy]

hey, I'm curious; do you have any things in particular that you like to read? Like, au vs canon, favourite tropes/cliches, favourite character povs? (also lol, I'm bored tbh, so, as well, any fic recommendations to stave that off?)

To whichever anon sent this, I hope you know that I’m squinting so hard at this… because no one sends me asks XD but anywho thank you for the interest!~

First of let me tell you that I haven’t read fanfics in like over a year. I know I am a sad little shit, and I should be reading more things but like I just haven’t gotten around to it or found motivation for it. Kill me pls. But anyway this isn’t what you’re asking so onto the actual ask!

I like to read mostly shippy material, platonic is cool and all but like I need my romance because I am that piece of trash. I love fantasy stories, prefer AU over canon any day, like I can worship and praise everyone who is able to do Canonverse to hell, but I prefer AU’s over canonverse. Angst will forever be my love in any story but hurt/comfort is a close second as well as fluff. Tropes, aaaah there’s so many to choose from, let’s see, pining friends who are completely clueless, strangers meeting at a store, misunderstandings this one is a great one lol, umm rivals turned friends and lovers, shit anything you can find in a Spanish novella, I can go on forever on this I s w e a r . so I’ll leave this for now. 

Favorite character POV I would say Ace, followed by Sabo, Marco, Law, Izo, Thatch. Since I mostly ship MarcoxAcexSabo, MarAce, SabAce, MarSab, SabLaw, IzoxThatch yeah, as long as it isn’t Luffy please I have developed a no-Luffy pls mentality >>;And I’m so sorry you’re bored!!! Like I said I barely read stuff, but I know tons of people who write, >> Also i can shamelessly promote my own shit even though I barely write right? 

@shishiswordsman does amazing Lawlu and she has an AceSab I’ve been meaning to read, as well as some Voltron, find her here on Ao3

@authenticaussie is pretty much the founder and reigning queen of MAS and you can find her various things here on Ao3

If you’re looking for your fill of MAS, please look at the @marcoacesabo blog @rboooks does an amazing job at running it ^^

@paox is also amazing though I have yet to read their stuff, I should at some point, but you can find it here

Oh! Anjelle does some great SabLaw you can find her account here they also have a collab fic which is amazing!! 

@emygrl99 is also a great LawLu, SabAce and Voltron writer you can find her here she and I even wrote the collab of the SaboAce year Red Moon can be found on our joint account here, I’m telling ya, shameless self promotion.

@dontaskmewhyi has some great work here

@midnightluck is also amazing read her stuff here

Ummmmm I know more people but without knowing your ship/main character preferences I donno who else to tag lol so if you want certain ships I could compile a list that better fits that, hope this helps and sorry it got so long whoops~