#look there is simply no better episode than the pilot

[freckleslikestars]

Favourite X-FILES Episode Countdown {24/24} 1.01 | Pilot

[confused-pyramid]

Coming Up For Air | s1

pairing: aaron hotchner x childhood bsf!reader

summary: Hotch and his childhood best friend working together at the BAU: a slow burn across the seasons.

word count: 10.4k

warnings: canon!typical violence, mentions of abuse, death of a spouse, slow slow slow burn, specific episodes mentioned in this part are 1x01, 1x06, 1x07, 1x08, 1x15, 1x16, and 1x22

a/n: I started rewatching Criminal Minds from the beginning, and this is what came out of it heh. This is the first part in a little series I'm starting that follows Hotch and his childhood best friend in the BAU, beginning with the pilot. If all goes well, this will continue through the rest of the show, with ~1 part per season :) Title is from Coming up for air by Signals in Smoke

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You haven't used your oven in over a year. It's not that you don't like cooking - because you do - you just haven't had the time. If you could, you would blame it on the extra hours you have had to put in after starting at the BAU, but that wouldn't be fair. Your transfer to the unit was the only thing that got you through his death at all.

After your husband was shot and killed in action while tailing a kingpin of one of the New York mobs, you couldn't bear to be in this house at all. You had gone back home to stay with your father for a couple of months, but eventually you had to get back to your real life. With a month remaining on your bureau-mandated leave, you returned to the home you had shared, before one of the lower-level mob soldiers misfired -

You didn't let yourself think about it for almost a year, but time heals all wounds. The poets were right. At least you hope they are.

Even back at home, you still couldn't bear to be there alone, other than when you were sleeping. That's why your peloton was gathering dust and your kitchen went untouched, until just now.

So, of course, the call from the office comes when you're making dinner. It takes five minutes to change into slacks and a button-up, and two more to toss your half-cooked vegetables in the trash, before driving down to headquarters.

A fourth girl has been taken in Seattle, and the local PD only now decided to invite your team. You know the BAU isn't well-liked by the other departments, but that doesn't mean you aren't effective.

When you enter the building, you rush through the I.D. check and jog over to the lecture hall, where Morgan and Reid are standing outside of a neighboring office like children waiting for their father to come and get them.

Shooting them both a thin-lipped smile, you step inside just as they finish discussing the unsub's pattern.

"They want you back in the saddle," Hotch says to the man beside him after greeting you with a nod.

Your eyes are so immediately drawn to Hotch that it takes you a moment to realize that you recognize the man standing next to him. You haven't seen him since the day you were assigned to the BAU, mostly because you were technically transferred to this unit because of his extended leave.

What was supposed to be one month became six, before Hotch informed you that your temporary placement would be permanent, if you were willing to stay in Virginia.

It was a no-brainer.

You turn your gaze to Jason Gideon as everyone in the room stares at him expectantly. He looks self-assured, but you're sure the confidence is a front. "They sure they want me?"

"The order came from the director," Hotch says simply.

"Well," Gideon states, "we'd better get started, then."

Hotch glances over at you as everyone files out of the room and you raise your eyebrows momentarily, a quick check-in between the two of you. He nods imperceptibly and it's enough for now. He didn't tell you Gideon was coming back today, but now isn't the time to give him hell for that.

***

Hotch is the last to board the plane, and he takes his usual seat beside you, this time in the aisle, a few rows away from the rest of the team.

"I was going to tell you," he says as soon as you close the case file in your hands. "The section chief wants me to evaluate him to see if he's ready to return to the team."

"That's a lot of pressure." They have to know that Gideon will be able to smell him out within the day. "You sure it won't get in the way?"

Hotch makes that face you hate, the one that says he knows you're deflecting. "I was going to tell you."

It doesn't take much for you to forgive him. It helps that you trust him completely, especially after everything he has done for you.

"Still," you smile, bumping his shoulder with yours, "it would have been nice to know about the sudden change to my job security."

You're mostly joking, but his frown is genuine. "Don't be silly. You'll always have a place on this team."

He takes everything so seriously these days. You suppose it's only fair, given the files he has to sort through on a daily basis. Picking which case deserves the team's attention the most.

But he wasn't always like this. You're the newest member of the team, but you've known Hotch longer than any of them.

You still remember the first time you met him, at eight years old. He was your first real friend at school, and you became inseparable easily. Your shared love for The Beatles and Law and Order made you fast friends, and as you grew older, your interests shifted in tandem.

Sometimes when you look at him, you still see that little boy who knew too much, but still managed to always make you laugh.

***

The team disperses soon after you land in Seattle. You've never had to come up with a profile in one afternoon, but it's also been a long time since your ticking clock to find the victim was just over a day.

When Gideon and Morgan head to the latest crime scene, you join Hotch and Reid to interview the victim's brother. The moment the three of you step into his house, his dog, Sandy, starts barking up a storm.

"It's what we call the Reid effect," Hotch smiles, walking over to pet her. "Happens with children, too."

You can't help but smile as well, peering over at Spencer, who looks about as uncomfortable as he usually does.

It doesn't escape your notice that the brother looks looser now. Hotch has a way with people that traces back to his childhood self. He was always wiser than his years, something you chalk up to his need to grow up faster than he should have, but his paternal instinct comes from practically raising his brother, Sean, after his dad's untimely death.

The casual interview reveals enough about the victimology that when you head back to the station, Gideon calls the officers in to explain the profile.

You can feel Morgan's agitation wafting off of him as he watches Gideon state his assumptions with startling clarity and confidence. Hotch, on the other hand, looks contemplative, which reminds you that he's been tasked with the returning agent's evaluation.

He can see your furtive glances in his direction, even as you try to remain secretive about your interest in his demeanor. He presses his lips together to keep from smiling as he thinks about how lucky you are that you went into profiling and not covert operations.

You have never been especially good at keeping your own thoughts or intentions to yourself around him. While some would call that a weakness in this field, he sees it as your greatest strength, because it clearly shows how much he can trust you.

As a kid, you were outspoken about every idea you had, and you used your strength and willpower to look out for him when he needed it. It took him a long time to admit how much he used to need you (maybe too long), but you always knew.

***

Gideon's profile leads to the arrest of Richard Slessman and Tim Vogel, and Elle manages to save the last girl while she's still alive. You catch your breath for the first time in 36 hours as you stand with Hotch in the shipyard, watching the paramedics and local police clear the scene.

"What are you going to tell them?" you ask under your breath as his gaze turns to Gideon, who is getting patched up in the back of an ambulance.

He had goaded the unsub into shooting him instead of the girl, but your mind can't seem to focus on the silver lining.

Hotch sighs, crossing his arms over his chest, as though to hold his coat closed against the breeze. "They want to know if he's fit to be a field agent again."

Normally, you would give him shit for using that tactic. Avoiding a question by providing more information. This time, you know he's just thinking out loud.

"What would you say?" Hotch asks as Morgan walks over and sits on a barrel next to you.

"Gideon saved her life," Derek shrugs, his eyes flashing to you for a moment. "That's good enough for me."

Hotch seems to ponder this for a second. "Do you know what Gideon means in Hebrew?"

"Mighty warrior," Reid interjects, popping in to the conversation with the subtlety of a tiger.

You're confused at first, but then you remember the baby names book that was sitting in Hotch's living room the last time you visited him. "You cannot let Haley name your child Gideon."

Hotch laughs suddenly, and you can tell you surprised it out of him. Your chest warms comfortably as he smiles, his cheeks flushing softly in the chill air.

He looks over at Gideon again, deciding in real time that he's going to recommend him to come back to the team. He would never admit it to you or anyone, but he knows that if your position on the team was in jeopardy from Gideon's return, he wouldn't have been able to complete his evaluation fairly.

It was Hotch who recommended you for the open position after he was promoted into Gideon's role as unit chief. You deserved the spot, of course, but Jeff's death had still been fresh and he knew better than most how much the job can take one's mind off of the other aspects of their life.

While Hotch watches Gideon, you watch him. You can tell from the look on his face that it's a done deal. Jason's coming back to the team. It will be a change of pace for everyone, but that doesn't mean it won't be good.

Having joined the team right after the bombing, you saw exactly how Gideon changed after getting the profile wrong, but so did everyone else. What people didn't talk about was how Aaron changed too. Rising into the rank. Growing to fill the hole that Gideon left in the unit, but somehow also shrinking into himself at the same time, because that's what this job does to you...it takes and it takes and it takes until you have nothing left to give.

But sometimes that's what you need: to give something up so you know you aren't losing everything.

***

Gideon settles into the team faster than you anticipated, and soon it's almost like he never left. Even though you can see the vein on Morgan's neck pulsate every time he hijacks a profile, you can't help but appreciate the support he gives to Spencer and Elle, both of whom are becoming incredible profilers before your very eyes.

That's also why you find yourself a little worried when Hotch tells you that Reid failed his weapons recertification.

"I thought you said you were helping him practice," you say as the two of you walk past security and toward the bullpen.

"I was," he emphasizes, before correcting himself, "I did. I'm sure he was just nervous."

You nod, pushing open the doors and spotting Reid sitting quietly at his desk. "He can test again in two weeks. He'll be fine."

When Morgan hands him a whistle with a quippy joke, you sigh into your coffee tumbler, but don't bother stepping in. He's being childish, but if you try to intervene, it'll just embarrass Spencer more.

"Okay," JJ starts, "Franklin Park, Des Plaines. Yesterday afternoon."

She dives into the case, but you have already read the file (and you know Reid has too) so you scoot your chair over to his desk and lean forward so only he can hear you. "I failed my first weapons certification at the bureau too."

Spencer looks up immediately, his face colored with surprise. "Really? You're one of the best shots I know."

You smile with a shrug. "The tests aren't real life. When it comes down to it, I get the job done. Just like you will."

He doesn't say anything for a moment, but then his lips curve up into a small smile. You both turn your attention back to the front just as JJ finishes explaining the case details.

"Wheels up in 30."

The flight to Illinois is filled with heated discussions about the bureau's fruitless history of trying to profile long distance serial killers.

"L. D. S. K.s are so rare, we haven't been able to build a standard profile," Hotch explains as the jet reaches cruising altitude.

Gideon chimes in immediately. "Here's what we do know: they're always male, and they frequently have law enforcement or military experience, and they always contact the police or the media."

Elle looks confused and you echo her sentiment as you lean your hip against her armrest. "To take credit or relive the experience?"

"Both," he says simply. "All serial killers attempt to relive the ecstasy they get from their killings. Some use souvenirs taken from the victims, and others return to the dump site to interact with the body. Both modes require contact with the victim, contact which, by definition, long distance serial killers don't have."

"Our unsub hasn't contacted anybody," you point out. "What do we do until then?"

"Sometimes it's not what the unsub does that reveals the profile. Sometimes it is what they do not do."

Reid glances up from the file in his lap, and you notice that he looks at Gideon first. "He doesn't kill his victims."

"Underkill's a unique signature," Hotch ponders, standing up and walking along the cabin. He only paces when he's deep in thought. "The question is, does he shoot them in the stomach intentionally just to wound them, or is he just aiming at the biggest part of the target?"

The team is silent as you take in this new analysis. You're not surprised when Gideon is the first to speak up. "Specifically, does the unsub lack the skill to make the head shot, or simply the will to take it?"

When the plane lands, you check out the last crime scene before spending the day talking to the local police and the victims' surgeons at the nearby hospital.

That night, when you check into your hotel room, the click of the door lock closing behind you is a welcome relief from the tension of the day. Many of the Des Plaines police officers were unhappy with the team's initial assessment, because it heavily implied that the unsub may have been a law enforcement official himself.

You wash your face and change into a tee shirt and a comfortable pair of sweatpants, before climbing into bed and opening the case file back up again. The rest of the team has also gone to their own rooms, but you can't help but wish you had another set of eyes looking at this with you.

As though reading your mind, a knock thuds on your door and you stand up quickly, in case it's an emergency. When you check the peephole, you see Hotch standing way too close to the door.

Unlocking it slowly so you don't startle him, you open the door to find him in still in a full suit.

"Is there a problem?" you ask immediately. "Do I need to get dressed?"

He shakes his head, glancing around the hallway so quickly that you almost miss it. "I was just looking over the profile and I wanted your opinion on some thoughts I had."

The corner of your mouth twitches and you open the door further to let him in. He doesn't miss a beat as he takes a seat on the armchair in front of your bed and flips open his notepad.

"I was thinking about the bullet we recovered on the scene," he says slowly, like he's thinking through every word he's saying.

You nod, sitting on top of the bed covers and crossing your legs under you. "Garcia called after you left the station. The bullet was a .223 fired from the M-4 variant of the M-16."

"That means he's military," Hotch says, reaching his hand out without taking his eyes off his notepad. You close the case file you had laid out and hand it to him. "M-4 is a shorter barrel than the M-16, so it's less accurate and a lot harder to fire, especially at these distances."

"This level of skill indicates specialized training. That means..."

"It means the underkill was on purpose," Hotch says, finishing your thought. "What is he trying to prove?"

You purse your lips as he sits up in the chair to give himself room to remove his jacket. His pinstriped button-down is slightly crinkled under his arms, but you can tell it was freshly ironed this morning.

"Maybe he's in a fast-paced occupation," you suggest, "which would fit with the profile that he has a big ego."

"Then we're back to law enforcement."

You lean forward, your eyes following his hands as they fidget with his cuffs and undo the buttons, one at a time. You've always been attune to every one of his movements, but maybe it's just because you've spent so much time around him.

"Hotch," you whisper-yell, snagging his attention from your case file, which he tosses back to you.

He hums and you take that as an invitation to continue speaking. "Be careful tomorrow, when you're giving the profile."

One of his eyebrows lifts and you can tell he's holding back a smile. "It's just in front of the Des Planes PD. You'll be there too."

"It's not that," you sigh, shaking your head. "Everything about this profile points to the shooter being either current or former law enforcement. I'd be surprised if they didn't take it personally."

His eyes flit up to yours, his brow furrowing. "I can handle myself."

"I'm sure you can, Hotch," you say with a breathy laugh. "Doesn't mean I don't still look out for you."

He pauses and it's like his whole body takes a beat. "I know."

***

You're talking to Dr. Landman with Derek, Elle, and Jason the next day when a gunshot rings out through the hospital. Last you checked, Hotch and Reid were in the E.R., but you haven't heard from them since you arrived.

"It's Phillip Dowd," a nurse informs you when you meet with local police outside the closed E.R. door.

After a quick call to Penelope, the profile becomes clear.

"He joined the army at 18," Gideon recites, pacing around the room in a vaguely reminiscent manner, "went to ranger school, did 6 years before being dishonorably discharged in '95 for conduct unbecoming. Obviously lied about it, joined the Arlington P. D."

"You were right," the police captain sighs. "He was a cop."

His hopeless tone is disheartening, and you find yourself upset for not the first time that your team was correct in their assessment.

After the initial commotion, the E.R. is silent except for a few muffled voices. You can't hear what's being said, but the lack of gunshots or loud noises is all that's keeping you from falling apart.

"It'll be okay," you hear whispered from next to you. You turn to see Derek, who presses his shoulder to yours briefly. "Hotch will know what to do."

You know there's nothing you can do from out here, especially with how precarious the situation inside is, but doing nothing has never been your strong suit.

"I know," you tell him, echoing your thoughts. "I just wish we could help."

Derek cocks his head at the S.W.A.T. team readying themselves to break the door down. "We can help. We need to give Hotch and the kid time to wear Dowd down."

His tone is light and you feel yourself laugh, ignoring the thickness that swells in your throat. "That shouldn't take long."

Derek bumps your arm again in a silent extension of comfort, and you mouth a silent thank you.

You can feel Gideon losing patience as he reasons with the captain, but he eventually buys them three minutes to do what they can. When the final five second countdown starts, you unconsciously hold your breath, only to be released when Hotch's voice calls through the door.

"Hold your fire!"

Your breath comes out like a gasp and you squeeze Derek's arm before rushing forward. Hotch stumbles past you with a murmur that sounds obscurely like "help Reid", so you push your way through the throng of civilians moving to escape until you see him.

"Spencer," you gasp, crouching down to help him into a standing position. You would never admit it to him, but ever since he joined the team, he's been something of a little brother to you. "What happened in here? Are you okay?"

"You were right," he says with a surprising steadiness to his voice. "I got the job done."

You don't ask what he means, knowing that Hotch will fill you in when the time is right. Instead, you decide not to fight the vaguely maternal urge rising within you and you pull him into a tight hug. It's more of a quick squeeze, because you don't want to push past his physical boundaries, but he doesn't complain, instead looking over at you with a small smile that's more than enough for now.

***

You find Hotch where the departed ambulance that patched Reid up was parked. All of the hustle and bustle of the paramedics and local police officers and bureau agents comes to a standstill as you walk over to where he's sitting on the edge of the curb.

"I heard what happened," you say as a way to announce your presence. "Can I sit?"

He nods without looking up, and you crouch down next to him, settling on the curb with your shoulder pressed to his. You can feel the tension in his muscles as he grips the sidewalk, his palms digging into the concrete like he could break through if he pressed hard enough. "Reid.."

"..is fine," you whisper, nudging him so he looks up to where Spencer and Jason are chattering excitedly. "He's more proud than anything."

He doesn't say anything, so you bump your knee against his. "I guess all of the physical training classes you made him take at the academy paid off."

He knows you know exactly what is running through his mind, so he doesn't bother trying to articulate it. Instead, he lets out the breath he didn't realize he was holding, and looks over at you. "Do you remember that self-defense class we took before law school?"

You're not expecting this question, and you almost laugh. "You mean the singular self-defense class you dragged me to before dawn in the summer before we started at Georgetown?"

He levels you with a look that you would think is serious if you didn't know him so well. "You don't regret it, though."

"No," you smile, your eyes blurring with emotion. That's where you met Jeff. "I don't."

He was your instructor that day. He only taught that class twice a week, between lectures at Georgetown Law, and it doesn't escape your mind that you so easily could've missed him. One day earlier or later and you never would've met him, never would've been his girlfriend, or his wife, or his widow.

Hotch remembers meeting him that day too. He had to literally come to your apartment and drag you out of bed to make the seven AM class that he had signed you both up for, and you had been grumpy the whole drive over.

There wasn't much, other than coffee, that could get you alert before eight in the morning, but the moment you walked into that gym, it was like you were wide awake. He spent the rest of the class trying not to look as the man he would later come to know as Agent Adler kept coming over to give you extra pointers, and he pretended that the coil of ice slithering up his spine was there just because he was watching out for you.

When he found out the two of you had started dating, he continued to pretend the nausea rising in his stomach was from the day-old sandwich he had had for lunch, because it wasn't fair. Especially since he was with Haley, and he was happier than he had ever been, even if the new law school course load was making it harder to see her as often as he wanted to.

But eventually, your happiness with him overpowered every protective urge he felt, and he realized that even if there was a feeling in his gut that he didn't recognize when he saw you two together, Jeff was perfectly suited for you.

***

"He's so gorgeous!" JJ coos, her hands twitching at her sides like she's trying not to reach forward and take the baby out of Haley's hands.

She brought Jack, their newborn son, in to work today to show the team, and Hotch looks prouder than you've ever seen him. "Thank you."

"If you find baldness and wrinkles attractive."

"Reid!" you chastise, swatting at him. He dodges your hands without even looking.

"Look at his widdy biddy nose," Garcia squeals, before turning to Morgan with an inquisitive look. "Don't you want one of these?"

He just laughs as he rests his chin on her shoulder. "Mm, I'll stick to practicing."

"Congratulations," Elle chimes in before returning to Gideon's side to continue discussing the new case that came in. She's always on top of things, and it's something you respect greatly about her.

"Thanks," Hotch smiles, his gaze returning to Jack after looking away for only a moment. Jack is like a siren, the way each of his little sounds or movements holds Hotch's attention so steadily. He's the most focused of all of you, but you've still never seen him this enamored. "She's amazing. I'm a little terrified."

"You're glowing," you tell Haley as the rest of the team heads to the briefing room. "How is it that you had a baby just a few weeks ago?"

"You're sweet," she smiles, before tilting her head forward. "Do you want to hold him? You're practically his aunt."

You gasp quietly, so as not to wake little Jack. "That is a title I will carry proudly. And yes, I would love to hold him."

Haley hands him to you slowly, and you make sure to support his head carefully as you cup your arms around him. He looks so much like Haley that you almost make a joke about Hotch's genes not even putting up a fight, but that nose...that nose has Hotch written all over it.

When you glance back to where the team left from, you see him turn back at the same moment and offer you an encouraging smile.

"How are you holding up?" you ask Haley, barely able to focus on your surroundings with a newborn in your arms. Maybe there is something to the siren thing.

"Jack's been incredible. He barely cries, it's kind of a godsend...but I do wish Aaron could take time off with me."

You give her what you hope is your most comforting smile. "We've been super swamped with cases here, but in all my years working with him, I have never seen him so eager to leave every night."

She laughs, a pretty sound you remember from your youth. "I know. I feel so unfair when I complain about these things, but I appreciate you humoring me."

"Not at all," you assure her, glancing back down at Jack, who is mid-yawn. "I understand completely. If I had one of these little guys, I wouldn't be able to think about anything else."

You hear her breath catch and you open your mouth to reassure her that it's fine, but she is already reaching forward to squeeze your arm. "You and Jeff would have made amazing parents."

When you both joined the bureau, you were so busy with work that kids weren't on your mind at all. It wasn't until you got settled at the BAU, and Jeff found his place with organized crime, that you even started talking about it.

You want kids, don't you?

Only a few. Maybe four or five. Yeah, five's a good number.

"I should get back to the team," you say softly, blinking away the memories.

Haley sees your face and she smiles sadly as she takes Jack back from your arms. "I'll see you soon. Tell him I'm heading home, will you?"

You nod and watch the elevator doors close in front of her, before joining the team.

***

"I can't believe you went bar hopping without me," Derek shakes his head, feigning offense as he leans so far back in his chair you're afraid it may tip over.

"I think hopping is kind of a strong word," you say, glancing over at Elle, who is perched on the edge of your desk. "We only had one bar in mind, but it closed earlier than we thought, so we went somewhere else after."

"This was a much needed girl's night," Elle grins, patting Morgan on the shoulder as he continues to pout. "We'll invite you next time."

"How was your weekend, Dr. Reid?" you ask, turning around to face him.

Spencer doesn't look up from his crossword.

You say his name again, recalling the attention of Derek and Elle, who had started talking about some trip they've been planning for what feels like months.

When he still doesn't look up, you pick up one of the BAU-provided pens on your desk and chuck it at him, just hard enough to bridge the gap between your desks, but not so hard that it hurts on impact.

"Ow!" Spencer yelps anyway, glancing up with a look that's somewhere between confusion and indignation. He picks the pen up off the ground and turns it over to see the tiny insignia on the cap. "This is FBI property."

"How was your weekend, Spencer?" you ask again, ignoring him. "Didn't you say you had some fun stuff planned?"

"I did," he lights up, instantly forgetting about the pen incident. "My local movie theater was showing reruns of the first season of the original Star Trek, so I got to experience it on the big screen."

Derek laughs and walks back over to his desk next to yours. "We have very different definitions of fun weekend plans, kid."

You're about to tell Derek that no one wants to hear what his idea of fun is when the office door upstairs flies open and Hotch and Gideon walk out.

Reid hands you back your pen, and Derek sits up in his chair so fast it's almost comical.

"We have another case," Hotch announces before coming to a stop.

Gideon takes it away. "Our unsub is male, intelligent, organized and methodical. He has the confidence of a man who's been killing for a long time."

"Only victim removed from the scene is Freddy Condore indicating some tie to him."

Hotch turns to you. "You, Elle, and Reid stay on Condore's background with Garcia. The rest of us will head to the crime scene."

You nod before standing up. "Let's go, kids."

Penelope's lair is just as eccentric as you remember it.

"Take a seat," she instructs before logging into her computer and opening up her criminal history database. "Just don't get too comfortable."

Your lips quirk up as Elle flashes her eyes at you, and you nod your head at the empty chair on Garcia's opposite side. Reid is already sitting on a desk chair by the back, spinning in aimless circles as he rattles off a list of markers to search for.

After a minute, Penelope stops typing. "Credit card receipts show Freddy loved crab cakes, preferred light beer and used to spend his Thursday nights with a woman in Fells Point."

You pick up a stress toy shaped like a tomato from one of her shelves and bounce it in your palm, just for something to occupy your hands.

"What about his associates?" Elle asks, grabbing a pen with a pom-pom on the end and poking it at Spencer's knee.

"Most of them have criminal records."

Elle glances up. "That much I guessed."

Penelope frowns, and looks pointedly at the pen in her hand.

"She's holding the tomato!" Elle complains, throwing a finger at you.

You lift up your hands in surrender, dropping the stress toy. "Thanks a lot, Greenaway."

"Anyway," Reid interrupts, to everyone's surprise, "One of these guys is particularly interesting. Pull up James Baker's rap sheet."

Penelope turns back to her computer as Spencer reads over her shoulder. "He spent time in juvenile detention for attempted murder, was released at age 21, and then subsequently arrested for, and this is in order, armed robbery, petty theft, burglary, narcotics sales, and rapе."

"What's so interesting about that?"

"When it comes to psychological behavior, anything is possible but this criminal history? It just isn't probable."

Elle nods in agreement. "I mean, as a minor, he began with attempted murder and then devolved into pettier crimes?"

"It's the criminal history of a fractured schizophrenic with multiple personality disorder," you sigh. "It just does not make sense."

***

Hotch calls you into his office when he and Morgan return from Baker's address. You can tell something is off before you even step through the door, so you shut it behind you and take a seat in front of his desk.

"What's going on?" you ask, your eyes glancing over his face to see if his micro-expressions can give you a hint. "What's wrong?"

He looks up with a sigh, his hands clasped on his desk. "Baker's place was an artificial dwelling, and the weapon we recovered on the scene was standard law enforcement issue."

It takes you a few seconds to comprehend what he's trying to say - a few seconds longer than usual - and your breath stutters in your throat. "He was undercover?"

"That's what it looks like," Hotch agrees. "I wanted to inform you before telling the rest of the team."

You nod, pressing your eyes closed for a beat.

He missed his pick-up, Mrs. Adler.

We'll call you as soon as we know more.

The memories start to flood back in and you squeeze your eyes shut tighter before opening them. Hotch looks blurry for a moment until your eyes adjust to the light again.

"Does organized crime know where he is?" you ask, desperately needing to fill the silence.

He looks down at the case file. "We assume so, but it's not like they would tell us. They weren't too happy that we were taking on this case at all, and now we know why."

"Maybe they'll talk to me," you suggest, even though the idea of talking to Josh Cramer makes you taste bile. You haven't seen him since a month after the funeral. It's not for his lack of trying, you just couldn't stomach looking at any of them after what happened. One missed call turned to ten and eventually they stopped trying.

There's a piercing pain behind your eyes and you squeeze them shut for a momentary relief. "It was only supposed to be three months."

Hotch's brow furrows and you don't look up at him just yet. You can already picture his expression, the anguish you know he feels for you whenever you bring up Jeff.

"It was a three month operation," you continue, knowing you won't be able to discuss it later if you stop talking now. "That's all we signed up for. Three months away from me and then he was on leave for the rest of the year, so that we could focus on us again. Maybe even start a family."

Your voice cracks on the last word and you tilt your head down to hide your face. He hates it when you cry, but that's not fair. He knows how important it is to get your emotions out, so they don't pile up inside of you, but if he had his way, you would never have had a reason to cry in the first place.

"I hadn't seen him in over a month when he was..."

He can hear the tightness in your voice and he resists the overwhelming urge to reach his hand out and take yours. You're sitting a foot back from the desk, and it's not he could reach you from here anyway, but his fingers still ache.

"I don't want to blame them, Aaron," you sigh. Your words sound watery, and he pulls a handkerchief out of his inside jacket pocket and hands it to you. He's almost surprised when you accept the gesture, pressing the cloth square under your eyes to catch the tears leaking out. You were so self-reliant as a kid, never wanting or needing anyone else's help. "I don't want to blame them, but I do. I can't help it, I just do."

Someone else would have consoled you. They would have assured you that feeling this way was natural, and that no one could blame you for feeling what you do, but that isn't who you two are. "Jeff wouldn't."

His name is like a dagger to your heart. You practically wince as Hotch digs further. "That team was his family, just like we are yours. He wouldn't blame them, not for this. Not for something he chose."

Something he chose. This is why you don't let yourself remember that day. This is why you kept that day - the day you got that horrible call - locked up inside your brain, where not even you could reach it. Because if you let yourself think about it and remember, then you will remember that it wasn't really Cramer or his unit or the bureau that you blamed. It was him.

For choosing to miss his pick-up. For choosing to go undercover. For choosing to join organized crime.

You take a deep breath and re-adjust yourself in the uncomfortable chair Hotch refuses to replace, even though it's literally splitting at the seams. Something about your tax dollars hard at work. "What are you going to do about Baker?"

He lets you change the subject. "We have to contact Agent Cramer before-

"What the hell is wrong with you people?"

Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

"Sorry?" Hotch frowns, both of you standing up immediately.

Cramer doesn't take his eyes off Hotch as he seethes with anger. "I told you, this is my case! You ran my agent through IBIS?"

"Because I wanted to know who he worked for and now that I do, I'd like to talk to him."

"You don't have him?"

You can hear your heartbeat in your skull.

Hotch looks at you then, and finally Cramer notices your presence. "Y/N...it's been a while."

Your lips press into a thin line. "Almost two years." The anger you've been trying to avoid seeps into your voice against your will and you sigh, returning to the investigation. "How long has Baker been missing?"

"About 12 hours."

"You think he ran?" you ask, watching Cramer closely as his jaw ticks.

"No, Jimmy's too experienced to run without contact."

He realizes his misstep immediately and his shoulders fall. To his credit, he doesn't break eye contact, even as his expression softens. "That's not what I meant. All I'm saying is that I think someone's keeping Jimmy from calling in."

You can feel Aaron looking at you, but you avoid his line of sight. If you're going to have to interact with organized crime, you might as well make yourself useful. "We all want the same thing, Cramer: to get Baker back to his family."

You wait outside as he explains the situation in more detail to Hotch and Gideon, and you're surprised when he's the first to leave. "Can we talk?"

Hotch comes out behind him and raises his eyebrow for a fraction of a second, a check-in. Swallowing thickly, you nod your head and follow him down the hall to the top of the stairs.

"I'm sorry I haven't reached out recently," he says as soon as you're out of earshot of the others. "You know Jeff was one of our top guys."

Your eyes shut at his name, as though someone clapped their hands too close to your face. It's almost laughable how sure you were that you were past your grief. You passed the bureau's psych evaluation after your six month leave with flying colors (because your team practically wrote the answers yourselves), and as each new day passed and you weren't so debilitated by just the thought of him, you thought it meant you were fine. Because time heals all wounds. At least it's supposed to.

"I know," you whisper scratchily, before clearing your throat. "I know that. And it's okay. We've all been busy." You look down at the bustling bullpen where his agents are interacting with your team. "Clearly."

Then you remember you're job here in the first place. "We really are just trying to help. It wouldn't hurt to keep us involved."

Cramer sighs and you know he won't refuse. "We'll loop you in."

***

James Baker is found and Vincent Perotta gets taken into custody, but you can still hear the end of the interrogation ringing in your ears.

"You were just responding to what you learned, Vincent.

When you grow up in an environment like that, an extremely abusive and violent household... it's not surprising that some people grow up to become killers.

And some people grow up to catch them."

You can't pinpoint exactly what you're feeling, but if you had to guess, it would be sorrow. Sorrow for that little boy who got dealt the worst hand you can imagine, and still turned into the best version of who he could've been.

Hotch can't get the interrogation out of his mind either. He had grabbed his briefcase and headed out to the elevators as soon as Perotta was taken away, in the hopes of avoiding everybody. He's about to let out his breath when a hand reaches between the doors and sends them flying open again.

Normally your appearance is a welcome sight, but tonight, he's had enough talking. Perotta took everything he had to give, and then some, and he doesn't know if he has the strength to go through the proceedings again with you.

"I just want to get home," he says as you stand next to him without a word and face the doors. To my family.

You don't say anything as the little fluorescent floor number ticks down - has it always been this slow - and he feels his nerves tighten with agitation. You're never silent, especially not about something like this.

Just before the elevator reaches the second floor, you reach forward and pull the emergency stop button. He whispers your name, half irritated half relieved, and you step in front of him, focusing your eyes on his. It's a classic profiler technique, both to mentally establish trust and to physically block him from the keypad.

"You're a great father, Aaron."

His mind flashes back 25 years, but he squeezes the hand in his pocket into a fist to keep himself from succumbing to the memories. "I'm trying."

He knows what you're doing, and he would normally be open to a healthy exchange between two adults, but tonight he just can't. It's too fresh.

You seem to understand at least a fraction of what he's trying to convey. Your next words are gentle. "That already makes you a thousand times better than him."

That almost makes him smile. "You can say his name, you know."

You shrug, looking at him with a glint in your eye. "Honestly, I don't think I can. I'm afraid I'll turn into a pile of ash, with the fury your father instills in me."

That's what gets him. He coughs out a laugh that echoes around the elevator, and you return to his side, giving him a moment to breathe on his own.

This time, when his mind spirals back to his childhood, he's not as equipped to block it. The memories come in flashes, a blackening bruise on his abdomen, a split lip explained away through roughhousing in the backyard, the thin scars on his hands and elbows as he finally started to fight back. He would've taken it all forever if he had to, if it meant that he could keep the horrors away from the people he loved. "I really should go."

"Yeah." You push the emergency stop back into place and the elevator hits the ground floor in no time. "I'll see you tomorrow, Hotch."

He steps out, half expecting you to follow him. Instead, the doors close and he's by himself again, and he suddenly can't remember why he wanted to be alone in the first place.

***

When the Keystone Killer is finally caught after 18 years of inactivity, he finds himself expecting for there to be some sort of celebration, either in the form of a commendation, or a much-needed break. Instead, what he gets is a mountain of paperwork.

He usually doesn't mind the paperwork that comes after a long case. It's a helpful way for him to sort through his thoughts on what went down, and to learn from mistakes that were made along the way, whether in the profile or in the capture of the unsub.

Lately, paperwork has felt like an added torture to the long hours he already spends at work. It's not that he wasn't excited about going home before, but ever since Jack was born, he hasn't been able to get out of the office fast enough. But being the unit chief of the BAU has its responsibilities, and this is one of them.

He's drowning in consultation files and case reports when you knock on his door, two coffees in hand.

"Thought that was you," he says, finishing the sentence he was writing.

You frown, setting one steaming cup down on his desk. He hasn't even looked up yet. "How'd you know? Or do you just say that to everyone who walks in here?"

His lip twitches and he puts his pen down. "I could smell the coffee. It always smells the same when you make it."

"Oh?" You weren't aware you had a method. "And how's that?"

"Burnt."

You take the lid off your cup and chuck it at him with surprising accuracy. It would have thwacked him in the forehead if he hadn't swatted it aside with his stupid catlike reflexes.

"What are you working on?" you ask after taking a scalding sip of perfectly brewed coffee.

He looks up for a beat before diving back into the file he was skimming. "Paperwork for the Keystone Killer case."

"But we just finished that," you point out before reaching forward and taking the file out from under his nose.

He huffs. "I was...looking at that."

"This is a report on what happened a couple of hours ago," you say, ignoring his remark. "You can easily do this tomorrow, or later this week."

"It's fresh in my mind now. I don't want to forget any details."

You shrug in a motion that says 'fair enough'. "Or, you could actually go home before midnight for once."

You slide another file off the top of his pile and flip it open, reading over the notes Hotch has scribbled in the margins. He's so meticulous about his job that you almost forget he was promoted just a little over a year ago. He became unit chief at the same time that you joined the team, so you didn't get to see him in his early days, but looking at him now, you almost can't imagine it. It's like he's built for this, for taking responsibility and leading people with kindness and respect.

"Elle said something on the plane today," he says suddenly, jerking you from your thoughts.

You close the file and look up as he runs a hand over his head, pushing his thick hair back just for it to bounce forward again. "She said that she's scared she's going to look up and see that her life has passed her by while she was chasing monsters."

Something cold runs through your veins and you sit up straighter in your chair. "And what did you say?"

"I told her the truth."

You smile in an effort to keep your eyes from shining. "What, that we're all doomed?"

He looks at you candidly. "That this job will eat you up if you let it." Your smile falls and he continues. "You just can't let it."

"I'm sure Elle loved hearing that."

He shrugs. "She was surprisingly receptive."

That gets a laugh out of you, even if the good humor doesn't last long. "I don't know how you do it."

"Do what?"

"This job, while also being a husband, and a father." You sigh, and you can almost feel the weight of the air as it leaves your body. "When I go home, I don't have to be anything to anyone. Most of the time it feels awful, but sometimes, after an especially bad case, I'm almost relieved when I can go home and just check out."

You aren't talking about him anymore, and he can tell. He doesn't mind, if this is what it will take for you to work through your emotions.

"We were gonna start trying for a baby."

That surprises him. Not that you wanted to be a mother - he knows that - but that he didn't know you were already thinking about it, especially because of how you grew up. You don't talk about it often, but after losing your mother to a drunk driver when you were ten, you almost transformed into her, becoming the emotional support for your family when there was no one else to fill that role.

You press your lips into a thin line and take a deep breath, your coffee cold and forgotten on the desk in front of you. "We had been talking about it for years, but with the paths our careers were taking, there just wasn't enough time before then." Your eyes look far away, and you don't seem to notice that your lips have unconsciously curved up into a reminiscent smile. "Jeff wanted five kids. Five. God, can you imagine?"

He can, but he doesn't say anything, because he knows you aren't looking for a response. Just for someone to listen.

"I'm an only child," you say with a laugh. "I don't even know what it's like to have one sibling, let alone four." But Jeff had come from a huge family, and he had wanted you to experience that. He loved how full his home always felt growing up, never without someone to talk to. Now you won't ever get to experience that. "I guess I just wish sometimes that we had tried earlier."

"You'll have it someday," Hotch says simply, practically reading your mind. "If that's what you want, you'll have it."

"I waited so long," you whisper, closing your eyes for a long moment. "I was just so afraid that I wouldn't do it right, because I didn't have my mother anymore to help me."

"You would've been a great mother," he assures you, his voice confident. "One day, you will be."

Your breath comes out like a gasp and you clear your throat to keep the tears at bay. "How do you know?"

"I just know."

***

When you push through the doors to the bullpen the next morning, you are greeted by a familiar head of blonde hair.

"Sean?"

He turns around slowly, clearly recognizing your voice, and pulls his lips up into a smile that you return. "Hey, Y/N, how's it going?"

You weren't close to him as a kid, mostly because of the age gap between him and Hotch. You had tried to make more of an effort after graduating college, but Sean was fierce in his convictions, and there were a lot of things he didn't understand about his childhood that you certainly weren't going to explain to him now.

"Good, good," you say, leading him away from the throng of staring women. You shoot them a look that makes them disperse. "You here for your brother? He's upstairs."

He nods, glancing up at the closed office door. You start to lead him to the stairwell when he stops in his tracks and turns to you. "What mood's he in?"

"Why?" you ask, your brow furrowing. "You got bad news? Nothing I need to worry about, I hope."

Sean shakes his head, glancing up at the closed door again. "Nothing like that. I'll just go up."

You let him walk up on his own, knowing he doesn't want you getting involved in whatever he's thinking about. Before you have a moment to catch your breath, the three women return to your side.

"That's Hotch's brother?" Penelope asks, standing so close you can feel her breath on your ear.

"Maybe Hotch is adopted."

"What do you mean?" you ask, unconsciously glancing up the stairs. "They're honestly pretty similar." You're only half joking. They don't look anything alike, but that Hotchner brand of righteousness runs deep.

JJ frowns. "I don't see it."

"Yeah, he looks...like that," Penelope murmurs, before looking at you. "Did you know him when you were younger? Was he hot then too?"

You choke on your own spit. "He was nine years old when I left for college, so...no."

Her eyes widen and she lifts her hands in surrender.

"Ooh, here he comes."

You look up to see Sean storming down the stairs, Hotch hot on his heels.

"Sean, listen to me."

He turns so fast, you're afraid they're going to crash into each other. "Don't profile me, Aaron."

Sean stomps out of the bullpen while Hotch watches him leave, and you can't get the striking feeling of deja vu out of your head. Two boys, 15 years younger than they are now, standing in the same positions, with the same looks on their faces.

You imagine that you and Hotch probably act the same way around each other as when you first met, at eight years old.

The memory comes easily, even with more than two decades of time standing in the way. The little boy with dark hair who had sat next to you on the school bus, just because there were no other empty seats available that day.

You hadn't said anything for the first few stops, just watched him out of the corner of your eye as he nodded his head unconsciously to the music coming out of his large headphones. Eventually, curiosity got the better of you and you tapped on his shoulder. "What are you listening to?"

He had taken his headphones off quickly, as though caught in the act. "What?"

You repeated your question before leveling him with a pointed stare that meant 'there is a correct answer'. You were a feisty kid, and you weren't always the best at making first impressions, so his steady response impressed you. "Beatles. Revolver album."

"I love that one!" you had gushed, leaning in closer without a warning to press your ear to one of the speakers on his headphones. "Is this Yellow Submarine?"

He had nodded, the confusion in his eyes slowly transforming into delight. "You know their stuff?"

"Of course. My favorite's Eleanor Rigby."

He had frowned then. "That one's too sad."

You weren't surprised by his opinion. You had yet to find a boy your age who could appreciate serious music, but liking The Beatles was a start, at least.

"I'm Y/N," you had said, extending your hand like you were starting a business meeting.

He shook your hand furtively. "Aaron."

"Maybe I'll see you around."

The school bus had stopped at your street then, and you had gotten up without another word to this boy, who would one day become your best friend in the world.

Luckily, the next day, Aaron chose to sit next to you again, this time with a second pair of headphones to attach to his compact cassette deck. Two days turned to three, and before long, you had a new friend.

***

"I can't imagine what two weeks away from this place is gonna feel like," you sigh, packing some essentials into your bag and snapping it shut. "I might actually miss you guys."

"Not me," Morgan grins, before pressing a kiss to your cheek as he zips around you. "Two weeks of pure heaven with nothing but young, beautiful adults looking to make vacation memories."

"Your friend's resort better be as nice as you say it is," Elle says sternly as she wiggles her finger at Derek, who is busy inviting Reid to join their vacation.

"Thanks, but I'm going home," he says quickly, without looking at any of you. "Have a good one, guys."

"I'll head out too," you announce, grabbing your things and following him to the elevators. "Wait up, Spence."

He doesn't seem to hear you, but you slip through the doors just before they close. "You okay?"

"Huh?" he says, finally looking up. "Oh, yeah. I'm just not looking forward to the Nevada heat."

You can tell he's lying, but you don't want to press him right before the long break. "You can always call me if you need anything. Seriously."

"Yeah," he nods. "I know."

You wave goodbye to him in the parking lot, and you're back in the silence of your home by the end of the hour.

The rest of your day is spent lazing around the house, and you're asleep when you hear a knock at your door. After Jeff's death, you started keeping your gun in your nightstand, more out of a general sense of security than any specific acute fear, but its proximity during late night calls has given you the peace of mind you needed to finally sleep through the night.

Lifting it from the drawer, you hold it behind your back as you tiptoe to your front door and look through the peephole. When you don't see anyone, you carefully pull the door open, only to find a small packet sitting on your welcome mat with your name scrawled on the top.

After bringing it inside the house and locking the door again, you pry open the seal and extract a large piece of paper covered in a series of numbers and dots.

That's when the phone rings.

***

"How's it going?" you ask Reid and Morgan as you enter the conference room where all of the Fisher King's clues have been laid out. Neither of them have taken their eyes off the paper you brought in since you tacked it up on the board.

As expected, Reid doesn't look up. "The answer to what book we need has to be in here."

"Yeah," Derek sighs, glancing over at you, "but we sure as hell can't see it."

"Yet."

You look at the numbers again, hoping that your short walk to the coffee station and back would have been enough to unlock something new in your brain. Nothing. "The answer has to be based on specific details of each person's clue." A small sound turns your attention to the couch, where Elle is lying on her side. "Is Elle asleep?"

"I'm awake!" she starts, sitting up lethargically.

At the outburst, Hotch walks into the room and points at her bags. "I'm sending you home. You need to get some rest."

"No-"

"We won't do anything without you, I promise."

"Elle, seriously, we're not any closer than we were."

She nods, her lack of sleep seeming to dawn on her as she yawns again.

"Anderson," Hotch calls out, before you stop him. "What is it?"

"I can take her home," you suggest, looking over your shoulder as she lugs her bags down the hall with bleary eyes. He looks like he wants to protest, so you speak up before he has the chance. "She barely knows Anderson. I'll make sure she's settled, and then you can send him to watch her house, so I can come back here."

"I don't know if that's a good idea," he sighs, his eyes still trained on Elle's silhouette lingering by the elevator. "We may need you here."

You cock your head at Reid and Morgan, who have been sitting in the same positions for so long, you're surprised their necks haven't locked. "It's like they said. We haven't made any progress in over an hour. I'm not helping here."

He still looks unsure, but you know it's just worry. He'll always worry about you. "Okay, go. Call me in an hour to check-in."

You dip your head in a nod and jog through the bullpen to catch Elle as she's heading out.

"So you're my bodyguard, huh?"

You laugh, pressing the button for the ground floor. "Something like that."

"Good," Elle says, trying and failing to stifle a yawn, "you're much more fun than Anderson."

"Prettier, too."

The car ride to her house starts off silent, but eventually you break your internal promise to let her come to you. "How are you feeling after last night?"

She just shrugs. "It was more annoying than anything. I'm just glad I got to enjoy at least some of my vacation."

"I heard there was blood all over your room," you point out lightly, trying to broach the subject in a delicate manner. "That can't have been fun to wake up to."

"It was all on the outside. That's part of why they weren't able to hold me. That, and Hotch's lawyer chops."

You raise an eyebrow, glancing over at her as you pull over to the sidewalk. "His lawyer chops?" You know he used to be a prosecutor before joining the bureau, but you never got to see his skills in action.

"Yeah," Elle gushes, her face brightening considerably, "you should have seen the way he walked in there. Those beat cops had no idea what hit 'em. He was in full prosecutor mode, went all rainmaker on them until they released me."

You can imagine it. If any of you were in trouble, he wouldn't let anything get between him and your safety. "I wish I could've seen that."

When you put the car in park, you help Elle with her bags and walk her up to her door, where she insists that she'll be fine on her own.

"I promised I would wait with you until another agent could come and relieve me," you emphasize, instinctively scanning the vicinity around her home as she walks inside and drops her things on the floor.

"In about thirty seconds, I'll be passed out on this couch right here," she points at the window seat behind her, "so you'll just be watching me sleep for an hour."

You open your mouth to argue but she cuts you off. "Y/N, I'll be fine."

If there's one word to describe Elle, it's stubborn, so you let her shut the door behind her and you walk back to your car. Even if she won't let you sit with her inside, you still can't bring yourself to start the ignition, so you lean your seat back halfway and close your eyes, just for a few moments.

You haven't gotten much sleep either, and you're about to doze off when you hear a loud thud from outside the car. Jerking up, you undo the clasp of your holster and push open the car door. The world is silent, except for the rustling of leaves in the wind, but you start making your way up the drive, just to be sure. There's another thud, quieter this time, and you reach for your sidearm as you ascend her porch steps. Then comes a gunshot.

You start running.

[lousypotatoes]

What A Glorious Feeling

This chapter takes place after the pilot but before the first episode of the series.

Reader is a falcon demon, doesn't have a beak, wings drape over her kinda like Valentino's (i want him dead), reader has gray skin, usually wears a black tube top, black and white pinstripe pants, black boots, and has a daisy in her hair. Reader has the eyes and ears of a falcon and is also slightly cannibalistic.  Reader can summon any weapons at will and can move things with her mind, whenever she does this, her eyes glow red. Like Alastor, reader can also summon anything at will. If you had something else in mind for how the reader looks, you are more than welcome to imagine something different. 

I know Alastor is canonically aroace, but obviously, in this story he is not. Also, in this book, nobody knows the Radio Demon's name unless he decides to tell them. Sorry I should of said this earlier.

Song Recommendation:

I Did Something Bad - Taylor Swift

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11

Present day...

"Ah Dustin," Y/N said, walking over to the man, who was cowering in the corner. "You broke our deal. You know what happens to people who don't keep their word with me, don't you?"

"Please," he begged. "Give me one more month I promise-"

"You said the exact same thing six months ago," she spat angrily, her wings unfolding. 

"I swear-thi-this is the last time," he stuttered. "I just need-"

She summoned red chains, that latched onto Dustin's neck. Tugging the chains over to him, she grabbed his face, digging her claws into his cheeks. He let out a yelp of pain. 

"The deal was that if I killed your pathetic wife, I'd get your soul, and you would get me what I needed from that idiot overlord who thinks he's the shit, just because he's a pimp!" Y/N snarled, digging her claws in harder, drawing blood. "I have been more then generous towards you, and this is how you repay me?"

"I'm trying!" he cried out, tears running down his face. "Please just don't kill me!"

She had a small frown on her face. "I should rip you apart limb by limb," she said, calmly but in a deadly voice. "But I'm not goin' to do that," She removed the chains from his neck and put him down. 

"Thank you so much Assassin," Dustin said, wiping the blood off his cheeks. "I swear I will-"

He never finished his sentence. As fast as lighting, she summoned an axe and chopped his head clean off. 

"Instead, I'll make this is as quick and painless for you," she giggled, licking off the blood from the axe. "I'll have to thank Carmilla for the angelic steel at the next overlord meeting."

Using the axe, Y/N chopped up his limbs and stuffed them in a trash bag she had brought with her. 

"Cannibal town here I come," she smiled once she was done.

"Knock, knock," she said, knocking at the parlor door. 

"Y/N!" Rosie exclaimed upon seeing you. "What are you doing here so soon?" 

"I brought you a little somethin' to snack on," Y/N said, holding up the trash bag. 

"Oh you spoil me so much, my dear," Rosie said, licking her lips. 

"Anything for my closest friend," Y/N said, handing her the trash bag. 

"This is the fifth one this month," Rosie said, opening up the bag. "Sinners know better than to break a deal with you."

"They'll never learn, Rosie," she giggled as she took a seat on the couch. "Did you see the news the other day?"

"The Princess sure does have her hopes up for this hotel," Rosie answered, pouring herself a cup of tea. "Tea, Y/N?"

"No thank you," Y/N answered. "Do you think anyone would actually check in to that hotel?" 

"Who knows at this point," Rosie said, sipping her tea. "But judging by how people reacted, I don't think it's going to work out," 

"Shame," Y/N said. "It's a good idea, if it's actually possible."

"Say Y/N," she said, setting her cup down. "A friend of mine just recently got back into town. He's staying at this hotel," 

"Oh yeah?" Y/N asked curiously. "Who is it?"

"The Radio Demon," she said simply. 

Y/N's eyes widened in surprise. "He's been gone for seven years," she said. "Why on Earth would he return now? And why would he be stayin' at the Princess's hotel?"

"Satan knows," Rosie replied. "Y'know, you and him would really hit it off."

Y/N's eyebrow rose up. "Sorry my darlin'," she said, lightly chuckling. "The Radio Demon is most certainly not my type."

"You don't even know him," Rosie said, a slight frown on her face. 

"I don't need too," Y/N said curtly. "From what I know, he seems like a self-absorbed prick."

"Oh c'mon," Rosie nudged you. "The both of you have so much in common! You both like whiskey, you both like jazz, you both like killing people-"

"Why all of a sudden are you tryin' to play matchmaker?" Y/N interrupted. "And why The Radio Demon out of people?"

"Because you need to get out there!" Rosie said, smoothing out her dress. "Ever since I've known you, one of the main things you talk about is how in love you were when you were alive. What was his name again?" 

"His name was Alastor," she said, her heart hurting. "I've searched all of Hell Rosie. Either he's up in Heaven, or the Exorcists got to him."

"That's why I want you to meet him," Rosie said, patting Y/N's shoulder. "Please? Do it for little ol' me?" 

"I suppose so," she sighed. "I was already thinkin' about checkin' out the hotel anyway."

"Marvelous!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands together "I promise, you won't regret it!"

Landing in front of the hotel, she knocked at the door, feeling nervous, her wings fluttered behind her. 

"I'm coming!" chirped a feminine voice from behind the door. 

Fiddling with the hem of her top, Y/N waited until the person opened up the door. 

 The princess herself opened the door. "Hello! And welcome to the Hazbin Hot-"

Upon seeing your face in the doorway, she immediately slammed the door shut. 

"Vaggie!" Charlie cried out. 

"What is it?" Vaggie asked, coming down the staircase. 

"The Assassin is at the door," Charlie panicked, pointing at the door. "What do we do?" 

"Really? Another fucking overlord?" Vaggie angrily said, walking over to the door. "I'll handle this."

The door opened up a second time. Instead of the princess, a girl with a large X over her eye appeared in the doorway. 

"What the hell do you want?" she asked suspiciously. 

"There's no need to be so hostile," Y/N said, putting up her hands. "I'm here to simply offer up my services."

"We don't need you to kill anyone,"

"Not those kinds of services," she laughed. "I want to help with your hotel."

"Thanks, but we already have an overlord helping us," Vaggie said, eyeing her up and down. 

"The Radio Demon, yes I know," she said, crossing her arms. "I still want to help,"

As Vaggie was about to close the door, Charlie popped up beside her. 

"Wait Vaggie, we could use her help," she said, smiling. "With two overlords helping us, we can get a lot more done!" 

"You have a point," Vaggie grumbled. "But I'm keeping my eye on you," 

Charlie beckoned you to come in. "Thank you, Princess Morningstar," Y/N said, stepping inside.

"Oh please, just call me Charlie," she waved off. "This is Vaggie," she gestured to the girl with the X.

"It's a pleasure to meet you both,"

"Thank you!" Charlie gushed. "Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel-er-"

"Y/N," she said. "My name is Y/N."

"Right! Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel Y/N! Would you like a tour?"

"Of course,"

"Why does the bar look like that?" Y/N asked after the tour was over. 

"Someone blew it up a few days ago," Charlie said simply. "Our facility manager fixed it up so it's nothing to worry about!" 

"Oh-uh-" Y/N didn't know was to say. "I'm glad it's all fixed."

"Oh my gosh!" she exclaimed. "I have to introduce you to everyone! C'mon!" Charlie grabbed her arm and dragged her away. 

"This is Nifty, our maid," she said gesturing to the small demon, cleaning the floor. "Nifty, this is Y/N, she'll be staying with us 

Nifty turned around and her eye widened and she smiled in a scary way. 

"Ooooo! I've never seen a bad girl before!" she said menacingly as she crawled up on you. "Do you want to punish some bad boys with me?"

"Just give me the time and place, sweetie," Y/N said, putting Nifty down. Nifty quicky ran off.

"She's mostly harmless," Charlie said nervously. "Just don't let her bite you."

"I'll keep that in mind," she laughed. 

"This is Husk, our bartender," she said gleefully. 

Husk was drinking from a bottle, he nodded at Y/N but didn't say anything. 

"It's nice to meet you, Husk," she said politely. 

Husk recognized her at second glance, almost spitting out his booze, he decided not to say anything about it, though. 

"Oooooo heya Y/N~" said a voice. 

Y/N turned around and grinned. "It's nice to see you again Angel Dust,"

"Ohhh it's nice to see you too baby~" he said seductively. 

"Oh that's wonderful!" Charlie exclaimed, her eyes sparkilng. "You two know each other!"

"Yeah, we met at a party a while back," Y/N explained. "He kept wantin' to look at a sword that I had just got."

"Y'know babycakes," Angel said, walking over to her. "I could show you my sword, if you want~"

"Another time, Angel," Y/N laughed, Charlie laughed awkwardly with her. 

"Well, I think that's it!" Charlie said, clapping her hands together. "I'll show you to your room and if there's anything you need, just-"

"Oh, we have a new guest?  Heavens, why didn't anyone tell me?" said a staticky voice. 

Y/N turned and saw the infamous Radio Demon standing right behind her. Upon closer inspection, there was a look in his eyes that seemed familiar. 

Too familiar. 

Y/N had loved looking into those eyes, it had brought comfort to her. 

"Oh my gosh! How could I forget!" Charlie said. "Y/N is going to be helping us around the hotel just like you!" 

At the mention of her name, something pulled at Alastor's heartstrings. 

"Well, we need all the help we can get, that's for certain," Alastor laughed.

That laugh, Y/N had imagined it every single day when she arrived in Hell.

"Y/N, this is our facility mana-"

"Alastor?"

Her voice, it sounded like an angel. Alastor remembered the first time he heard it. Everything clicked into place for the both of them.

"Y/N?"

Sorry if all the characters are a little ooc. I need to rewatch the show lmao. 

THERES AN ECLIPSE TODAY!!!

stay safe out there you little rascals <33

xoxo, Izzy

[markantonys]

i already made a joke post about it but genuinely, the whole "wot s1 sucked, which was 100% the show's fault and not the source material's, but now s2 is so much better! shocking! who could've seen that coming!" narrative is SO annoying

like, the eye of the world is boring as shit! it's generic as shit! of COURSE an entire season based on it is not going to be the most groundbreaking or thrilling fantasy television you've ever seen in your life! how on EARTH can the readers who've been saying for decades that the books don't start to hit their stride until book 2 or 3 or 4 fail to grasp the correlation with season 2 being better than season 1? but even so, s1 alone IS more groundbreaking and thrilling than book 1 alone, because the showrunners knew that book 1 is boring and generic as shit and did their absolute damnedest to pull in as many unique elements from later books as they could conceivably fit in this early on.

second, s1 had to do a HUGE amount of heavy lifting in terms of setting up characters, relationships, lore, and worldbuilding. s1 did all this groundwork so that s2 could have the payoff you're enjoying so much, s1 constructed the basic building blocks so that s2 could explore the more advanced concepts you're gushing over. s1 ran so that s2 could soar! put some respect on its name!

third, stakes tend to get higher, characters to get deeper, and plotlines to get more exciting as you go along in a story. this is how stories work. why are you shocked that s1 only built the basic foundation of the story and s2 has the space to grow and deepen that story? that's how stories work, that's how TV works, and that's most certainly how the WOT books work.

fourth, practical constraints s1 had that s2 had less of

budget: s1 was starting from scratch, whereas s2 had more budget to spare since some things could be reused from s1 AND it got a bigger budget than s1 in the first place.

experience: second seasons almost universally tend to be better than pilot seasons, simply because everyone involved in making the show has gotten into the groove and solidified how they want to do this thing. this is how television works.

covid: it should go without saying that s1 would have been One Million Times more difficult and expensive to make than s2 due to covid stuff. whatever effect we may think covid had on s1, the true effect was probably astronomically higher than what we imagine. the majority of "looks too cheap" "looks too empty" complaints likely come down to this (notice that most of those complaints are about episodes 6-8 and not the early episodes; 6 was filmed pre-covid, yes, but i wouldn't be surprised if some covid-related restrictions were starting to rear their heads before production was officially shut down).

the worst part is the people who end their above-mentioned take with "they must have listened to audience criticism of s1 and made changes accordingly." [moiraine voice] the arrogance. s2 had already been written and filming was WELL underway (if not finished or close to finished?) by the time s1 even started airing. if you're impressed by what a great season they've delivered, the credit for that lies entirely with the people who made the show, not your stupid ass.

[lol-jackles]

Walker series finale review

It’s only been a week since Cordell nearly died and Luna died in Cassie’s arms, so their people are hard at work being there for them.  Like the start of season 3, Cordell wants everything back to the way it was and overcompensates by being extra, but his family simply want him to be in the present with them, and then take one step at the time. 

Stella tells her dad that there is no version of life where he’s being gone is better, it will just be a different kind of pain.  She gives him the letters he wrote while he was undercover in case he doesn’t make it out alive.  She and August didn’t read the letters because it came from a different version of their father and they don’t need that now.  However, perhaps Cordell do, and figures it out from there.

Despite Cordell’s assurance to Geri that the Jackal case was an “exception of exceptions”, Geri wisely tells him that there’s always going to be “the next big case” and when it happens, she wants Cordell to go to her for support.  This makes me super happy that Geri doesn’t demand that he cuts back on his work or give up his job altogether but wants to be there for him when his job inevitably gets messy again.

Cassie has to reach back to the past to galvanize herself into thinking about a different future than the one she planned with Luna and goes to the lieutenant job interview.  Trey appears to give a stronger interview, but he’s only been a ranger a short time and the job goes to Cassie.  Of course it does because they changed Cassie’s personality from Cordell-lite in season 2&3 to James-lite in season 4, so she got the lieutenant job as the newly minted female version of Larry James, who was also Cordell’s previous partner.  Anybody remember when she and Cordell tamper with evidence just to satisfy their curiosity? (X) It was actually one of my favorite scenes.

The job promotion further propels Cassie to “leap forward” into a new future.  It also means Cassie will no longer be Cordell’s partner, which is for the best because emotionally she blames him for Luna’s death even when she's concerned about Cordell and asked Geri how he is doing. Two things can be true.  I predicted a while back (looking for the specific post) that Cordell and Trey would eventually become partners and now that it’s confirmed, we are robbed of that dynamic in season 5.

August graduation party is crowded and loud and its cathartic for the audience to see everybody happy and celebrating. We even see Cassie smiling at Cordell’s toast to his son, August Edward Walker, and the rest of the family.  Here I was expecting a Shakespearean middle name for August but it’s from Emily who was a Twilight fan.  Liam and Ben declared themselves team Jacob and just like that they’re moving in together.

The party grows raucous, and Bonham and Abilene hide out in their house.  Abilene apologizes to Bonham for abandoning him while she was launching her wedding venue business and assures him that she wants to oversee and “meddle”, not deal with the bride of the week.  Nope she’s leaving bride handling to the gay guy.  Bonham compromise by keeping the boat and uses it for her events as a tax write off.  Win win!

Cordell takes a leave of absence for the summer to take August, Stella, and Geri (and a secret ring box) on a much-needed vacation, which Cassie grants on the first day of the lieutenant job because “they both need this”. A time apart from each other and away from the daily reminders will do them both good.

While the finale is a 'happy ending', there are underlying sadness that's been there since the pilot episode, starting with Cordell, then Micki, and now Cassie. Each of them has lost romantic partners to death and Cordell said time doesn't heal everything. What is unspoken is work and more work will get them through the pain of grief.

As Bonham and Abeline enjoys a boat ride and Cordell and his children and Geri head out of town, an unexpected double cliffhanger happens: Liam gets recruited by the governor for a secret job and he’s whisked away by men in black in front of the impressed Ben; the Davidson lands is sub-leased by a hippie version of SPN Lucifer, due to his all-white outfit, who is none other than Dawson Leery, played of course by a grinning James Van Der Beek!

Final score: 9.7. Point 1 deduction for each arcs we won't see in season 5: Cordell and Trey's new partnership , Liam's new job from the governor, and new neighbor cult leader Dawson Leery

[let-us-cultivate-our-garden]

Any thoughts on the TOH pitch bible and pilot episode that were leaked? Anything you thought it was better than in the final product, or that the final product improved on?

Here is the pilot episode along with a lot of other Disney shows for those that missed it.

And the pitch bible

There were quite a few things I liked about the pilot better: the biggest being that Luz is actually bullied for her interests instead of pulling dangerous stunts that just make her look bad. Also, there's actual bigotry against humans in the Boiling Isles! Luz has to wear a disguise when sneaking into witch school! Lilith is more of a threat in this pilot than she was in the show! Luz and Eda feel more natural in the pilot; Eda still proclaims herself as the most powerful witch in the isles but it's obviously her ego talking while it's taken more seriously in the show. It feels like it's having more fun with itself instead of having an air of self importance.

A few things the actual show did better: Luz entering the Demon Realm. In the pilot, she just stumbles into it after trying to return Amity's passport (who is still a witch just attending a human high school for some reason). Luz trying to get her book back from Owlbert and being led directly to Eda works better for her character and the themes of the show. Also, in the pilot, Eda could just easily conjure a door to the human realm, which lowers the stakes a bit.

As for the pitch bible, it certainly is ambitious with how its world is set up: beta Belos was called Obron and was a councilor to the real ruler of the world, Emperor Pupa, who is currently in larval form and only its councilor's can understand what it's saying. Naturally, Obron is the real power behind the throne and plans on invading the human realm by possessing the Titan's body and he apparently needs a human soul to do that...

Yeah, I can see why this was simplified in the final version.

I do like some of the designs in the pitch bible better. For example, here's Willow, a.k.a. Paulina:

Here's Tibbles:

And lastly, even though everyone says this is beta Hunter, look me in the eyes and tell me that's not Baby Philip "Kill All Witches" Wittebane:

Come on, red outfit, blue eyes, hatred of witches, really hundreds of years old, the FREAKIN' DAGGER/SWORD.

That's a proto-Philip who was split into 3 characters, he's not simply beta Hunter.

Overall, both the pitch bible and the pilot are a mixed bag; the pitch bible has some overly ambitious ideas that (thankfully) became more grounded, but it also has more interesting character designs. The pilot has a lot going on in a mere 20 minutes but it's more fun to watch imo simply because it's not taking itself too seriously.

Despite all of these what-ifs, a show is only as good as how well it carries out its ideas. Toh has a lot of creativity and compelling concepts but its biggest struggle was always in its execution.

(P.S. any accusations that Disney made Dana add Hexside are now null and void because both the pitch bible and pilot had Lilith as the Headmaster of Amity's magic school)

[deathsbestgirl]

txf mytharc: pilot

preface: what you can expect from this series of mine.

i’m likely going to talk about each mytharc episode in full (at least nearly). the point of this isn’t to focus on mulder and scully, but there will still be a lot about them. we mostly see the mytharc through their eyes, and their partnership & experiences are a major part of that (and i think at this point, it’s clear i never shut up about them!). so for those that don’t really care about the mytharc, you might still find things to enjoy. at the end of each post, i’ll do a little summary of episode connections. i’m doing this as i rewatch so i will not have watched the future episodes yet – so please forgive any mistakes in details! i’m also pairing this with reading myth x: one fan’s interpretation of the the x files mytharc, and i’ll include some pieces that helped me unravel certain things, or that i’m simply keeping in mind as i rewatch! but mostly, this is just me enjoying the show. it’s what i think about when i watch. if it’s not your cup of tea, i completely understand. i do welcome discussion, but i make no promises to engage. i’m just sharing my little thoughts on this show that i really, really love.

sharing has gotten more difficult for me, but i truly enjoy it. just asking everyone to be kind & thoughtful, because i’m putting a lot of my time into this and i’m sensitive about it lol

something i get caught up in every time i watch the pilot is what csm & the syndicate were thinking (specifically in regards to assigning scully to the x files with mulder — i will probably talk about this over & over).

in the pilot we don’t even know about the syndicate. we meet section chief blevins, and other men with no names. including csm, who doesn’t even speak. he stands there looking stressed and smoking, observing scully and listening intently to the whole exchange. at the beginning, it’s hard to imagine how deep this goes, how widespread the government conspiracy is and it’s what makes it so fun for me to go back. we have so much more information later on, and we can take it back when we rewatch. there are so many connections to be made and although a lot of it doesn’t line up perfectly, i think it’s way more in line than people say. for me, there are several reasons that fit in with the world of the x files. first, there are so many unreliable narrators, people dealing in lies and coverups, only letting mulder & scully and whomever see what they want them to see. they purposely feed certain beliefs, and stifle them at other times. csm’s goals are muddled: he wants mulder on his side, he’s trying to save the human race/shape it into his own creation. he pretends to be a chess master, but as he says in sixth extinction/amor fati: he is one man.

the pilot starts with a cold open, a young woman running through the woods in her pajamas. we see a male figure and a bright white light. next thing, the young woman is lying dead on the forest floor as a team documents the scene and tries to identify her. detective miles identifies here as karen swanson and walks away, as the other investigator shouts “it’s happening again, isn’t it?”

next we follow special agent dana scully into the hoover building and to blevins office. he peppers her with questions about her fbi experience, if she’s heard of fox mulder and the x files. she’s young and open and maybe a little too honest. every time i try to write about the pilot something i always end up writing: scully understood what these men wanted her to. i don’t think it’s what csm wanted, but it might be what the syndicate wanted. scully was expected to debunk the x files, and if she did, they would probably reward her with whatever promotion or job she wanted within the fbi (or better, recruit her to the syndicate?). but as will consistently happen, they underestimated her. i’m not sure any of these men could have predicted what her & mulder would come to mean to each other. i don't think they could grasp her honesty or goodness, her ethics & morals, her complex beliefs & sense of justice. they live in a world where everyone is selfish & cruel, where they do what is “necessary” or what they're ordered to, where people will always choose themselves above others, but that is not scully. and it isn’t mulder.

(aside that maybe isn’t necessarily relevant but the thought always pops into my mind: it’s very interesting to me that they have this meeting with her and just send her down to mulder’s office. there’s no meeting with mulder, scully and their superiors together. all of it strikes me as a punishment for mulder, and a test for scully. i really think there’s something of interest to them in scully’s background. scientist, medical doctor, navy captain’s daughter, semi practicing/lapsed catholic. in theory, she could have been a perfect fit for the syndicate. but i really think most of them lack an understanding of people, of humanity. they deal in the worst of humanity – and mulder & scully are the best of humanity.)

initially when i started this (my little notebook) i was going to focus on just csm. but lately, the mytharc has gripped me. i don’t typically rewatch those episodes, unless i’m watching the entire series or a season in full. or a specific arc (like the cancer arc of course). but i’ve been slowly watching the mytharc episodes and they all connect, intricately, weaving a complicated web of truths & untruths & half truths. it’s so detailed and convoluted and maybe confusing. and so i wanted to go piece by piece. as i’ve said before, i don’t think everything lines up perfectly, and it isn’t supposed to. this is a global conspiracy, we learn things as mulder & scully do. they are largely on the outside of it, trying to break in to expose the truth & hopefully dismantle it. they are continuously misled, misdirected, stonewalled. there are many different projects with experimental science developing different defenses/giruses/andmtidotes, with different goals. evidence destroyed or stolen, tampered with. they are manipulated and used and discarded and returned and nearly killed as the syndicate sees fit at the current time. but so many things connect back to the pilot. the writers may not have had a show bible, but they most certainly looked back to pick up different threads and carry them through.

after scully’s meeting, we follow her down into mulder’s basement office. scully knocks on the door, opens it when he responds and takes in the whole atmosphere. he jumps right into it, letting scully know he’s aware of what her assignment is, that he looked into her background, and starting in on the case. in mulder’s way, he starts testing scully too, and i think she passes every single one. even if she’s saying things he doesn’t really want to hear. at the least, she takes him seriously (enough) to give rebuttals and show she cares. i’m not sure mulder has ever distrusted a single soul, but at least scully earns it.

the few things we learn about the case, what makes it an x file: the marks on the girl’s back, the compound in the surrounding tissue, no clear cause of death. and the fact that there’s a string of these killings in bellefleur, oregon with similarities to other cases in shamrock, texas and sturgis, south dakota.

mulder poses two questions, the first:

maybe what you can explain to me is why it’s bureau policy to label these cases “unexplained phenomenon” and ignore them.

scully has no answer, but i do think this starts her mind rolling. right here she’s put on the path of radicalization, in her scully way. the second:

when convention and science offer us no answer, might we not finally turn to the fantastic as a plausibility?

and i think this moment sets up their roles. scully responds with “the girl obviously died of something. if it was natural causes, it’s plausible that there was something missed in the post-mortem. if she was murdered, it’s plausible there was a sloppy investigation. what i find fantastic is any notion that there are answers beyond the realm of science. the answers are there. you just have to know where to look.” mulder, the believer, turning to the fantastic. scully, the skeptic, turning to science. this is my favorite thing about them, it builds the way they communicate and is a huge part of building trust between them. it’s also a major part in how they get to know each other. it’s always been one of my favorite things about them. it’s built on listening, not just pushing their beliefs or agenda. they always incorporate what the other says – as in, scully tends to shape the science & investigation around his theories. it gives her a place to start and build from. and scully’s science refines mulder’s theories and gets them closer to the truth.

it very quickly becomes one of the ways they depend on each other, setting up expectations they don’t yet understand the implications of and will take them years to rewrite (still built on the trust blooming from this first scene).

as soon as they’re in oregon, even still on the plane, the weirdness starts. unexpected turbulence, radio interference, inhuman like corpse unburied, the metal implant in the nasal cavity. mulder isn’t surprised by the turbulence or radio static, he marks the spot with an x. scully is just confused and baffled by his behavior (i love it). during the autopsy, they’re a little combative. my favorite moment is when mulder tells her:

i’m not crazy, scully. i have the same doubts you do.

this is an important moment for scully. he cares what she thinks, and she does take him seriously. i think it’s easy to think that she doesn’t, she does dismiss his ideas initially. but she’s still following him, peppering him with questions. they talk it through every time, and that’s special. it only gets stronger.

when mulder lifts peggy o’dell’s shirt to find the marks on her back, scully is so angry (she’s afraid) and she storms out of the building – mulder immediately follows her. she doesn’t believe these are alien abductions, she doesn’t know yet what the marks are, what the experience is. she has questions and she wants answers, she wants the truth. scully doesn’t believe his theory of alien abductions, and he asks her “do you have a better explanation?” and this is the first time he directly asks what she thinks. to me, this is the scene that really determines their dynamic. what mulder takes from this conversation is scully really does want the truth, she cares. and that’s important. and scully asks: “what were they doing in the forest?” cut to mulder and scully in the forest, scully pocketing dirt, detective miles coming upon them. (he listened to her, and the next step in their investigation becomes trying to answer that question!)

in the car, she shows mulder the dirt. he asks if it’s a campfire (it does look a lot like ash). but scully tells him it was all over the ground. right after, the car loses power and they lose nine minutes. scully doesn’t witness the time change but mulder is ecstatic.

this all leads to the motel room scene. scully has marks on her back and she can’t see them and the marks on peggy o’dell scared her. you could see it in her face, even through her anger & annoyance with mulder. the fact that she goes running to mulder, clearly afraid and vulnerable…it showed something else to mulder. this moment lets him see beyond ‘scully’s a spy” and her disbelief/skepticism. mulder cares about people, and he cares about scully despite himself. so when she turns into his chest, he puts his arm on her shoulder. shocked at her vulnerability, the way she seeks comfort from him. mulder lets her stay in his room, gives her a blanket to curl up on his bed as he sits below her and tells her about samantha.

usually this scene is discussed because of the intimacy between mulder & scully, but we learn a lot about the mytharc here too. samantha “disappeared from her bed one night” and there was no evidence, no contact, and no one would talk about it. he went to oxford, got recruited by the bureau. (while they’re having this conversation, someone is lurking outside the motel room.) he finds the x files and he was allowed to indulge because of his success and connections. mulder tells scully:

i’m telling you this, scully, because you need to know, because of what you’ve seen. in my research, i’ve worked very closely with a man named dr. heitz werber and he’s taken me through deep regression hypnosis. i’ve been able to go into my own repressed memories to the night my sister disappeared. i can recall a bright light outside and a presence in the room. i was paralyzed, unable to respond to my sister’s calls for help…listen to me, scully, this thing exists…the government knows about it, and i gotta know what they’re protecting. nothing else matters to me, and this is as close as i’ve ever gotten to it.

he covers sam’s abduction, how he found the x files, why he’s allowed to work on them, and the first inkling (for the audience) of a government conspiracy.

this is when mulder gets the call about peggy o’dell. (scully’s jump at the phone ringing is striking. she was so focused on mulder and what he was telling her, everything else faded away.) they go to the scene and mulder is shocked to hear peggy was running – “on foot?” just really cracks me up. as he’s focused on talking to the man driving, scully is taking a look at peggy’s body and makes note of the time on her watch, which is stopped. but just then, mulder learns ray soames’ corpse is missing. when they get back to the motel, it’s on fire with scully’s laptop, pictures and evidence inside.

theresa nemman approaches them in the chaos, they take her to a diner to hear what she has to say. she talks about finding herself in the woods, not knowing how she got there. she tells them she has the marks on her back too. she’s afraid she’s going to die too. her nose starts to bleed, like peggy’s did earlier, and as scully jumps up to grab napkins for her, theresa’s father, dr. nemman shows up with detective miles to take her home. this is when they realize det. miles’ is billy’s father.

mulder & scully have a brief conversation, brimming with their frustrations of losing their files & evidence, being denied access to a girl who needs help and wanted to talk, realizing how much these men are concealing. scully’s putting together dr. nemman’s & det. miles’ involvement. “they know” vs “they know something” – leading to mulder’s ultimate question (at this moment lol) of what’s in the other graves. when they go to check, the graves have already been dug up. the only other bodies already taken. at the graves, mulder puts together that billy miles is responsible. scully starts to follow his thoughts. he talks about time being stopped, he pauses “you think i’m crazy” and scully…she’s silent for a moment before telling him about peggy o’dell’s watch. another huge moment to me. she doesn’t believe it’s alien abduction, but she starts to understand the way mulder’s mind works, the connections he makes and the subsequent leaps. she doesn't keep this information from him despite it feeding a theory she doesn't agree with.

they head over to see billy miles. mulder talks to the nurse and scully starts to examine billy, finding his feet dirty, covered in the same dirt she found in the forest. a boy, who has been in a coma for years, completely bedridden and seemingly unaware of what’s happening around him. and scully is ready to run with this. he was out in the woods!!! and another important moment, mulder grounds her. reminds her of what she needs to do, her reports, procedure. and i think this is the moment that cements their roles – but shows they can also switch as need arises. mulder didn't understand how much he needed the science & evidence until he had someone ready to find it. so they go back out to the woods to get another sample of the dirt. that’s when they hear theresa scream and they go running. det. miles hits scully over the head and goes running after mulder, holding him at gunpoint as theresa continues to scream. and i love this moment too, because mulder appeals to this man’s better nature, urging him not to let billy kill another person. mulder stops him from shooting his son too. we see the marks on billy’s back, as a white light starts to overtake the scene with leaves blowing like a cyclone around billy & theresa. when the light finally fades, billy is conscious again, theresa is safe and the marks are gone from billy’s back. instantaneously.

the ending scenes are billy under hypnotic regression with dr. werber. mulder in the room with them. scully, blevins, the other man from scully’s meeting, and csm observing. billy talks about the aliens, the tests, the implant. the tests didn’t work, and the aliens were destroying the evidence. killing the abductees…mulder and scully make eye contact through the glass. cut to scully reporting to blevins. she can’t substantiate anything, they have no evidence, how do you prosecute?? this is what blevins & company care about. but scully held onto one piece of evidence: the implant, made of a metal that could not be identified, the implant billy miles claimed was controlling him. she leaves it with blevins, and when she exits, she watches csm enter blevins’ office. she has no idea who this man is, but he has been present at crucial moments and she took notice. she doesn’t understand yet but she won’t forget him.

in the end, mulder calls scully late at night to tell her the case file on billy miles has disappeared. csm is walking into the pentagon storage facility, filing away the metal implant with others just like it.

the pilot really lays a lot of groundwork. the implants, the marks/scars. the abduction experience, time loss, electronic interference, hypnotic regression. deformed corpses. government connections. disappearing evidence, constant interference. samantha’s abduction.

episode connections (before i watch future episodes):

conduit: small detail, but the ash-like dirt reminds me of the sand & glass at lake okobogee.

duane barry: he has an implant in his nasal cavity, much like the one they find. later on, in the anasazi trilogy, we learn scully has a chip in her neck which later connects her to other female abductees and carries through to cassandra in patient x/the red and the black.

cancer arc: billy miles indicates the exact place scully gets cancer.

reduxes: blevins is exposed as the mole. for the first part of the first season, scully reports to him until the x files is reassigned to skinner’s jurisdiction. his involvement isn’t fully explored, but he doesn’t completely disappear.

deadalive: ray soames’ transformation – possibly a failed attempt of what happens to billy miles & others, and nearly happens to mulder. also similar to the bodies mulder finds in anasazi.

csm: he’s there for scully’s meeting with blevins, he is there at the end for billy miles’ hypnotic regression. he is the most prominent figure in the conspiracy, as far as what we see, with a direct hand in scully’s & mulder’s experiences.

samantha’s abduction: there are two different versions of her abduction. truthfully, i think they just changed the story to work better for them. BUT (as i’ve mentioned before) i think it fits well into the mytharc later on – within the framework of the show, i think it’s possible samantha was abducted twice. conduit, paper hearts, demons, and another episode.

myth x:

one thing i really do like about this book is that it breaks down all the players. each group of aliens are given a clear name (which appear in the show but was never completely clear to me until this time around). michelle bush purports that the aliens abducting the oregon teens are walk-ins, representing the divine. they’re supposedly good but don’t know how to go about their goals. in some ways, this rings true. it’s the walk-ins that “save” samantha from more suffering. it’s like the walk-ins cassandra spender believes are trying to help them. bush describes their goal as “reintegration of both halves of the whole (alien and human) using natural means; this results in a single sentience allowing a return to physical and spiritual harmony.” which on paper, doesn’t sound bad. but their methods are as harmful as any of the others (alien and human alike).

[spotlightlowlife]

Charlie hazbin reduced to an extra

S1 should have sold us on Charlie entirely, her ideas and motives, her connections with others or lack of.

Others keeping major secrets from her, working at her place because someone else wants them to, accepting bribes offscreen in a pilot episode that's pretty much mandatory viewing but selectively cannon, fighting besidr her in war when they had no choice and simply not wanting her to die, all don't tell us anything about how much Charlie is loved or even liked.

Charlie worked as both Lucifer and Adam's strawman, they are two individuals who are and aren't at opposite ends, both are mad at the sinners and are happy to see them brutally slain, however neither like one another, their is a rivalry on one side and torment from the other, yet for all these years they somehow existed keeping their distance from one another whilst sticking to an agreement that benefited both of them, which was dealing with the sinners. Charlie served simply to bring these two perpetrators together.

Lucifer could have been the main or singular hurdle whilst still being an unthreatening goof, simply by thinking her idea was a waste of time and putting her in a position where she would have to explain or prove herself. What if he didn't have the resources to easily get Charlie an audience in heaven, what would his use be then?

Why wasn't his involvement called out? This would have been better grounds for Charlie to guilt trip her daddy over rather than 'distant during childhood' and 'never supporting me giving me what I want' she chose to sulked about which got her her own way.

Since Charlie managed a pointless talk with Adam back in episode 1 and so much effort has been made to tell us Alastor is this big threat that even Lucifer is weary of immediately, if only she had entered into her meeting with her dad with a load of options, showing her as a little more competent and bringing her back into focus.

Adam successfully got someone a place in heaven, ironically, with minimal effort. This someone was easily the most deserving of sinners we met and was worst of all, someone who Charlie wasn't even looking at as the ideal redemption candidate.

Charlie appeared to look to popularity, a juicy storyline and a cool friend, if her portrayal were to shift to highlight a bit of a shallow person then we would have great grounds for development, but s1 ended and that didn't happen, she didn't move on from 'nice' and 'innocent' and in effect it was Adam, the villain nobody cared about who did Charlie's job which was more than a job but her whole dream and purpose, for her - Charlie is oblivious to this last part, but knowing this wouldn't help her cause neither.

Lucifer rushed in to save the day just in the nick of time, him and Adam shared some of their history with us, it was all about them, them the baton got passed.

[therealvinelle]

i've seen you answer a few questions about tvd so i thought i might ask, what are your thoughts on the main love triangle? and klaus/stefan?

As a caveat: I did not watch much further than the first few episodes of season 4, in fact I ragequit when one of the writers revealed we wouldn't be seeing Elijah on screen again until 4x20 at which point I thought, "Well I simply won't watch until 4x20 then".

And then 4x20 was a backdoor pilot to the spinoff The Originals and I simply watched that show instead.

All this to say, I was 100% a gung ho Vampire Diaries fan and you can tell by how closely I was following it, sadly the only TVD I know of would be the first three seasons. Same actually goes for The Originals, as I for reasons I don't remember wasn't able to access episodes post-season 3 so I wound up not knowing what happens after Hayley drives off with the entire family hibernating in her truck either.

Another disclaimer: it's been more than ten years since I watched this show and my memory may fail me at times.

With that:

The main love triangle

Having only seen the first three seasons, I think that Damon wishes quite badly he was a different man, and he is unable to take responsibility for his life and relationships being what they are. He would rather blame his failings on Stefan, and, whenever Stefan fails or falls short in some ways, it's immensely validating to Damon because who's the bad brother now?

His love for Katherine is not only about Katherine, but about being chosen by someone over Stefan. Because, as Damon will try to tell himself, just because she was sleeping with both of them and decided to turn them both, doesn't mean she didn't prefer Damon (after all, she had to compell Stefan, while Damon slept with her willingly. Victory for Damon!), and also- look, don't question Damon on this. It's fine and he's a well adjusted man, and once he has rescued his lady love from her tomb she'll tell him how much better he is than Stefan.

Enter Elena, who looks exactly like Katherine, is living in Mystic Falls just the same as Katherine, and who has drawn Stefan's interest.

Damon, eternally pulling Stefan's pigtails and being a goddamn creep, starts creeping on Elena, this does not work. Instead, however, he learns that Katherine faked her entombment, and has in fact been living her best life for the past 150 years. Worse, Damon and Stefan were never more than boytoys to her.

Cut to Elena, who is just as beautiful (in a very literal sense of the term), only she is kind, genuinely loves Stefan, the polar opposite of Katherine in every way.

Damon transfers his emotions from Doppelganger B to Doppelganger C.

Stefan, meanwhile, seems to... fall in with Elena, for lack of a better way to put it. They meet, he is confused about the resemblance to Katherine for long enough to get to know her, by which time he's into it, and Elena sees a very handsome and pleasant man who is easy to fall for.

The trouble with Stefan is I don't really have a grip on his character, he is... there, for three seasons, and he has his character moments and his speeches, I can tell you things about his personality except I can't.

He is one of those people you can know for years but never actually know who, having killed his father and become the Ripper for so many years, seems to be that he is running away from himself. That is the only way I can interpret his strange nothingness, as well as bizarre decisions like coming to live with his nephew Zach and attend high school.

I think Stefan wants to surround himself with people, form relationships with them, and through that find a sense of identity that he can enjoy. Which is where loving Elena comes in, as she is kind, generous, mature, vulnerable, and fun- the type of person you can lose yourself in, and have those simple moments of happiness Florence Welch sings about.

In other words, while my real ship here is Elejah, Stelena trumps Delena any day.

Klaus and Stefan

Klaus is a deeply sad person who is only interested in dating two people, and they are his sister Rebekah and his brother Elijah. At the time he met Stefan Elijah wasn't around, so Stefan became replacement Elijah.

(The proof of the Elijah projection lies in the fact that Klaus was fine with Stefan sleeping with Rebekah. He is historically not fine with outsiders doing this, you have to be family for Klaus to accept these things.)

"Look, Elijah," Klaus would imagine himself saying to Elijah, "I have a new brother now and he is hotter, cooler, and not a total bore like you! Stefan loves me more anyway," and then Elijah would sit and cry and give Klaus so much attention and it would be great.

As for Stefan, I think he just liked partying.

They probably did fuck, but Klaus is too embarrassing for Stefan to ever admit as much.

[mcytrecursive]

Nomination Overview - Character Study

It's time to look for character studies, one of the larger tags in the set! 184 works nominated so far, and of them, we have 28 character studies. Which characters? Well, you're gonna have to read on to find out.

Title: Jimmy Solidarity and The Pantry of Self-Discovery Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/51275764 Fandom: Empires SMP Author: whatcaniwriteinthis  Relationships: n/a Characters: Jimmy | Solidarity  Length of the work: 1291 words Genre: AU, Character Study, Modern AU, College/University AU Type: Fic Summary: Jimmy has a minor (queer themed) breakdown.

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Title: no bills in the mail Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/48701626/chapters/122850703 Fandom: Lifesteal SMP Author: oneirogen Relationships: Ashswag & Reddoons Characters: Ashswag, Reddoons, Bubblebrooke Length of the work: ~34k words Genre: Angst, AU, Character Study, Horror, Hurt/Comfort, Modern AU Type: Fic Summary: Go home, like he hasn’t been spending more time in Red's apartment than his own. Half his clothes are in Red's closet. There's a second toothbrush in the bathroom. Where else is he supposed to go?

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Title: Above Average Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33025276 Fandom: Dream SMP Author: fensandmarshes Relationships: TommyInnit & Dream SMP Ensemble  Characters: TommyInnit Length of the work: 2,461 words Genre: AU, Character Study, Crack Fic, Domestic/Slice-of-life, Modern AU Type: Fic Summary: Or: the pilot episode to a podcast in which everyone around Tommy has Something Going On, and Tommy simply refuses to notice.

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Title: Good News! Ghostbur Comic Link: here Fandom: Dream SMP Author: sidecast Relationships: Ghostbur & Technoblade, Ghostbur & Niki, Ghostbur & Tommy Characters: Ghostbur Length of the work: N/A Genre: Canon-Divergent, Character Study, Fix-It, Fluff, Family, Friendship, Found Family Type: Fic Summary: Ghostbur happy ending comic! Based on blackout poetry of Wilbur's post about Ghostbur's limbo. 

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Title: dive out of nothing (and into more) Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/48652270/chapters/122725408 Fandom: Empires SMP Author: ahautism Relationships: FalseSymmetry & Oli OrionSound Characters: FalseSymmetry, Oli OrionSound Length of the work: 11,987 words Genre: AU, Canon-Divergent, Character Study, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Apocalyptic AU Type: Fic Summary: When Oli realizes he’s been left behind on Empires after all the others have left – yes, again – his first reaction is annoyance. It’s very repetitive of them. When False realizes she’s been left behind on Empires after all the others have left, having been asleep for three months, her first reaction is fear. Her sister must be behind this. When they both realize they’re not entirely alone, and that the world is dissolving around them with no way out, they are forced to come together to try and escape, and discover they have more in common than either of them could ever expect. What better way to forge an unlikely friendship than the end of the world?

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Title: another visit Link: here Fandom: Dream SMP Author: yuker Relationships: Quackity/Karl Jacobs Characters: Quackity, Karl Jacobs Length of the work: not applicable Genre: Angst, Canon-Compliant, Hurt/Comfort, Time Travel, Character Study Type: Art Summary: [sometimes I see him in the middle of the night but he doesn't really remember me.] In which Karl visits Quackity in between his time traveling, and Quackity cannot be sure he isn't dreaming.

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Title: penance Rating: E-rated Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/50419420/chapters/127390231 Fandom: 3rd Life SMP Author: jibbingjibberish Relationships: Martyn Littlewood/Rendog  Characters: Martyn Littlewood, Rendog  Length of the work: 9k (8,800) words Genre: Angst, AU, Character Study, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt-no-comfort, Royalty AU, Smut Type: Fic Summary: Martyn's been entrapped by the guilt of slicing his king's head off for weeks now. And then his king accidentally entraps him and makes him piss his pants.

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Title: Sword and Smoke Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52674127/chapters/133363822 Fandom: 3rd Life SMP Author: apollothetransboy Relationships: Martyn Littlewood/Rendog, Martyn Littlewood & Jimmy (SolidarityGaming), Jimmy (SolidarityGaming)/Cleo (ZombieCleo)  Characters: Martyn Littlewood, Rendog, Jimmy (SolidarityGaming) Length of the work: currently 50k (unfinished fic) Genre: Angst, AU, Canon-Divergent, Character Study, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt-no-comfort, Romance, Slow Burn Type: Fic Summary: Ren let out a sympathetic noise and reached out a hand, only to find that he was too far from Martyn to touch him. Limited Life, which was won by Impulse, has drawn to a close, and with the dawn of the next seasons approaching, Ren is at the forefront of Martyn's mind. Somehow, in his absence, Martyn has convinced himself that Ren couldn't possibly love him anymore. Maybe, even, that he had chosen to forget him and all the pain he brings. And when Ren does return for Way Life, and the consecutive three seasons, Martyn scrambles for the smallest of crumbs to prove his truth. With the odds stacked against them, though, Martyn finds himself always drawn back to him, whether by mechanics of the game or by what seems impossible chance. Time and time again he proves himself willing to go very far to believe his own lies, especially when the truth is something far more painful, though he will have to know it eventually—that he was, and will always be something that Ren would do anything, anything, to protect. or—four lives in which martyn and ren fall apart and fall back together

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Title: the handgun is no longer sexy Link: here Fandom: Dream SMP Author: regicidal-optimism Relationships: Quackity/Wilbur Characters: Quackity, Wilbur Length of the work: not applicable Genre: Canon-Compliant, Character Study, Romance Type: Web Weave Summary: Web weave about Las Nevadas Quackity loving a man who wants to die and not being over Pogtopia.

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Title: City of Stars Fandom: Dream SMP Author: Paprikup Relationships: Quackity/Schlatt, Quackity/Karl/Sapnap Characters: Quackity, Sapnap, Karl, Schlatt Genre: Angst, Canon-Compliant, Character Study, Horror, Hurt-no-comfort, Romance Type: Animatic Summary: A short animation about the times when Quackity's heart was shattered, the violence of loneliness, and the person (the monster) he's become in the ruins of lost love.

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Title: self-improvement* Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47271748 Fandom: QSMP Author: honoraryangel Relationships: Cellbit & Philza Characters: Cellbit, Philza, Chayanne (QSMP), Richarlyson (QSMP) Length of the work: 4,501 words Genre: Canon-Compliant, Character Study, Friendship Type: Fic Summary: Philza has been very angry lately. Cellbit has also been very angry lately. *neither of them truly improve, unless you count learning basic combat "improving".

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Title: racehorse: get married!  Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2575438 Fandom: Dream SMP Author: small_lizard  Relationships: Quackity/JSchlatt, Karlnapity, Wilbur/Quackity, Quackity & George  Characters: Quackity, Sapnap, Karl, Schlatt, George, Wilbur, Dream Length of the work: 38,564 words (incomplete series) Genre: Angst, Canon-Divergent, Character Study, Domestic/Slice-of-life, Drama, Horror, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt-no-comfort Type: Fic Summary: A collection of Quackity-adjacent relationship studies that all take place in the canon dsmp universe. Genuinely beautiful works exploring and dissecting several of Quackity's major interpersonal relationships from DSMP canon, including with Schlatt, Wilbur, Tubbo, Karl, Sapnap. Olivet Discourse is the most devastating imo but when reading even a single piece of this series the wider context is always lurking in the back of your mind; no matter how many quiet moments Quackity wins the reader has the knowledge of what's to come and it makes this series haunting. 

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Title: casualty of (me) (you) Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/3925075 Fandom: 3rd Life SMP Author: jibbingjibberish Relationships: Rendog/Martyn InTheLittleWood (queerplatonic) Characters: Rendog, Martyn InTheLittleWood, DocM77, Etho, Other hermits mentioned Length of the work: 58,125 words (incomplete series) Genre: AU, Character Study, Hurt/Comfort, BDSM AU Type: Fic Summary: Set in the mid-90's, in a bdsm verse that is described as: In this universe, humans are more or less the same, except there lies a biological need for domination and/or submission. This need is broadly incorporated into society, and BDSM relationships are incredibly common, with or without romantic and/or sexual relationship intersections. This series centers primarily around Martyn and Ren fumbling through a queerplatonic and polyamorous relationship

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Title: (this is) hungry work Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33034354/chapters/81996970 Fandom: Dream SMP Author: bluenote Relationships: Quackity/Schlatt, Connor&Schlatt, Karl/Sapnap Characters: Quackity, Schlatt, Niki, Connor, Karl, Sapnap, Tubbo, Tommy, Jambo (the cat) Length of the work: 36,965 words Genre: AU, Canon-Divergent, Character Study, Domestic/Slice-of-life, Fix-It, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Slow Burn, Smut Type: Fic Summary: After surviving his heart attack and being forced to get sober, Schlatt gains some empathy. He also gains some weight. Those two things seem to be inextricably linked.

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Title: What resembles the grave but is hobby tunneling Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/51317131 Fandom: QSMP Author: WheelCoveredInEyes Relationships: Antoine Daniel/Etoiles, Etoiles/BadBoyHalo, Etoiles & Phil Watson | Philza, Etoiles & Pomme (QSMP), Etoiles & Baghera Jones, Etoiles & Mikethelink & Pactw, Binary Code Entity (QSMP) & Etoiles Characters: Etoiles, Philza, BadBoyHalo, Antoine Daniel, Baghera Jones, Mikethelink, Pactw, Binary Code Entity, Pomme Length of the work: 9,444 words Genre: Canon-Compliant, Character Study Type: Fic Summary: “Okay, king, I know you have a fuckin’ death wish, but you’re gonna break Pomme’s heart if you die. So we need to figure something out, okay?” ---- Etoiles is absolutely certain he is living on borrowed time. Nobody else understands this.

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Title: mariposa (series) Rating: E-rated Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/3523426 Fandom: Video Blogging RPF Author: seneca_letters Relationships: Quackity/George/Dream, Dream/George, Quackity/Dream, Quackity/George Characters: Quackity, Dream, George, Badboyhalo, Schlatt Length of the work: 96,196 words (Unfinished series) Genre: Canon-Divergent, Character Study, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Smut Type: Fic Summary: Alex is gay, and in love, and terrified of both. But he'll figure it out in the end.

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Title: things you won't give me, things i won't take (series) Rating: E-rated Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/3675331 Fandom: Video Blogging RPF Author: Anonymous Relationships: Sapnap/Punz Characters: Sapnap, Punz Length of the work: 40,289 words (Unfinished series) Genre: Angst, Canon-Divergent, Character Study, Hurt/Comfort, Smut Type: Fic Summary: Sapnap is a stealth trans man who ends up in a secret relationship with Punz, doing his best to hide it from the world and his friends both while Punz starts slowly working him around to maybe hating himself a little less; all his careful hiding and planning gets totally upended when he gets pregnant and has to manage *that* too.

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Title: i think i would like a quiet life Link: here Fandom: Dream SMP Author: pidgedee Relationships: tommy&a healing arc Characters: TommyInnit Length of the work: not applicable Genre: Canon-Compliant, Character Study, Fix-It Type: Art Summary: A gentle-ending poem comic about c!Tommy.

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Title: and the northern sky looked like the end of days Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/44214877 Fandom: 3rd Life SMP Author: sesquidpedalian Relationships: Etho & Cleo, Scott & Tango, Bigb & Bdubs & Impulse, Scott & Cleo, Pearl & Scott & Cleo & Martyn Characters: Cleo, Etho, Scott, Tango, Bigb, Pearl, Martyn Length of the work: 8,316 words Genre: Angst, Canon-Compliant, Character Study, Drama, Friendship Type: Fic Summary: Five scenes from before the end.

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Title: the body is an object Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/42838071 Fandom: Hermitcraft SMP Author: ruffboi Relationships: not applicable Characters: Grian, PearlescentMoon, Mumbo Jumbo, XisumaVoid Length of the work: 19,132 words Genre: Angst, AU, Canon-Compliant, Character Study, Friendship, Found Family, Hurt/Comfort Type: Fic Summary: the Hermitcraft Backstory Rule says that you don't ask other people about their backstory, you let them tell it if they want to and leave it be if they don't. Unfortunately for Grian, one of the newest Hermits was also a player on his old server - one he'd thought had been dead for years - and she's going to drag his backstory kicking and screaming into the light whether she means to or not.

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Title: Flowers for the Blood God Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31888939 Fandom: Dream SMP Author: de_hautdesert Relationships: Nihachu & Ph1LzA & Ranboo & Technoblade (Dream SMP), Nihachu & Technoblade (Dream SMP) Characters: Technoblade, Niki | Nihachu Length of the work: 2129 words Genre: Angst, Canon-Compliant, Character Study, Domestic/Slice-of-life, Fluff, Friendship, Found Family Type: Fic Summary: The Syndicate plans an unconventional meeting. Techno and Niki prepare. Featuring friends supporting each other, recovery from trauma, and infodumping about hair dye.

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Title: trust and redstone dust Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/45948079 Fandom: Lifesteal SMP Author: de_hautdesert Relationships: Branzycraft & Clownpierce Characters: Branzycraft Length of the work: 915 words Genre: AU, Character Study, Fantasy AU Type: Fic Summary: Branzy works on the funhouse. (also there's magical redstone worldbuilding)

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Title: Speak to the Gods, and they shall answer Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27766687/chapters/67971349 Fandom: Hermitcraft SMP Author: SugarsweetRomantic, Sharo Relationships: gen Characters: ZombieCleo, FalseSymmetry, Grian, Xisuma, StressMonster, Iskall85 Length of the work: 817 words Genre: AU, Character Study, Drama, mythology AU Type: Fic Summary: In their distress, they called for help. A collection of unrelated "myths that would be shared around a hot drink or a warm fire after a ritual offering. Remnants of stories to remind family and community of their place in the worlds."

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Title: i can be the one you call Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2051148 Fandom: Hermitcraft SMP Author: mayflowers07 Relationships: genfic Characters: Hermitcraft Ensemble, Evil Xisuma (Exiona) Length of the work: 143,821 words (incomplete fic series) Genre: Angst, AU, Character Study, Domestic/Slice-of-life, Drama, Family, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt-no-comfort, permadeath AU (no MCD) Type: Fic Series Summary: The Hermits have a code phrase. If spoken, this phrase acts as an emergency safe word, telling everyone to stop whatever they’re doing, because something is seriously wrong. Whether it’s from physical or emotional distress, all Hermits know that when someone uses the code, they need help from their chaotic, dysfunctional family. Notes: Pretty much all hurt/comfort and found family because I am weak and predictable. No shipping, it’s all platonic love (26 stand-alone fics under the series)

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Title: Beta Testing Rating: E-rated Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27662032/chapters/67689973 Fandom: Hermitcraft SMP Author: Shadowfire_RavenPheonix Relationships: Grian/Iskall85, Grian/GoodtimesWithScar, Grian/BdoubleO, GoodtimesWIthScar/BdoubleO, Grian/Xisuma, Grian/Keralis Characters: Grian, Iskall85, GoodtimesWithScar, BdoubleO, Xisuma, Docm77, Tango, ImpulseSV, Etho, VintageBeef, Keralis Length of the work: 100,214 words (incomplete fic) Genre: Angst, AU, Character Study, Domestic/Slice-of-life, Drama, Friendship, Humour, Hurt/Comfort, Omegaverse, Slow Burn, Smut Type: Fic Summary: Grian was nervous when he was invited to join the HermitCraft server, because unbeknownst to anyone, the popular family friendly entertainment server is also an ACTIVE A/B/O server behind the scenes. After, having spent so much time with them and making so many amazing friends while on the UA (or Unavailable) list during season six, he's decided to make it more official and join the Active Available List for season seven. For Grian, however, the switch is going to be life changing. A journey of sexual self discovery and experimentation. Not Your Typical A/B/O

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Title: you don’t know how you got here (you just know you want out) Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/48603814 Fandom: Dream SMP Author: Marrow_and_Bone Relationships: Quackity/Schlatt, Quackity/Wilbur Soot, Quackity/Sapnap/Karl Jacobs Characters: Quackity, Schlatt, Wilbur Soot, Ranboo, Tubbo, Dream, Sapnap Length of the work: 15,910 words Genre: Angst, AU, Character Study, Drama, Horror, Romance Type: Fic Summary: Like every other severed employee of DSMP Inc, Alex exists as two different people, who share the same body but know nothing about each other. Every morning when he goes to work, Alex becomes Quackity, and until now he’s been content to leave his other life a mystery. But then late one night in a diner parking lot, Alex is confronted by a strange older man with mutton chop sideburns and alcohol on his breath, whom Alex can’t remember having met before but who clearly recognizes him, who calls him “Quackity” and tells him they’ve been lied to. And less than five minutes later, that man is lying dead on the ground.

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Title: hit the continent running (engines were humming) Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52767562 Fandom: SMPEarth Author: Odaigahara Relationships: Technoblade & Phil Watson | Philza Characters: Technoblade, Phil Watson | Philza Length of the work: 15,424 words Genre: Action/Adventure, AU, Character Study, Friendship Type: Fic Summary: Philza: Transatlantic, the Corvarians, all those motherfuckers who couldn’t handle us having a stronghold and good mines, they cut us off from everything in the darkest time of the year. They trapped us in the cold, in eternal night, because they figured if we starved to death, Port-aux-Francais would give them whatever deals they wanted, and they didn’t care who they were fucking killing. We were peaceful, before the embargo. We just wanted trade deals, we collaborated with anyone who’d help us build our railroads. We never struck the first blow. After the embargo– after that winter– we figured that wasn’t gonna work. Interviewer: So you adopted some new technologies. Philza: Yeah, we had innovations in our manufacturing, our greenhouses, our fucking sanitation– but that’s not what you’re talking about, right? Forget the emperor shit. If you’re interviewing me about this, you don’t want to hear about the greenhouses. You want to hear about the planes. __

Title: this is about a stuffed bird Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/36163102/chapters/90146260 Fandom: Hermitcraft SMP Author: Bee_4 Relationships: Mumbo Jumbo & Evil Xisuma Characters: Mumbo Jumbo, Evil Xisuma Length of the work: 78,043 words Genre: Action/Adventure, AU, Character Study, Friendship, Horror, Post-Apocalyptic AU, Type: Fic Summary: In which Mumbo crosses several towns, learns some creative methods of self-defense, fights some monsters, sees things no human is meant to have seen, befriends a stranger, steals multiple cars, has inconvenient moral scruples, grows increasingly terrified of his own culpability in the apocalypse, grows a spine, blows up at least one building, accidentally prevents a murder, and attempts to find his best friend in the futile but ever-burning hope the man’s still alive. He has to say, he’s so exhausted and terrified that he thinks he might just be mad? (OR: the one where, after most of humanity turns into a series of terrifying monsters, Mumbo decides he’s going to risk his life on an apocalypse road trip to try to find out if Grian is alive. Things, as you might imagine, devolve from there.)

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[kiss-my-freckle]

Elena never moaned as loudly with Stefan as she did simply kissing Damon in 3x19. And of course the mutual orgasm scene in 4x8. It's canon Damon pleased her more in that department. Stefan looked more turned on making eye contact with Katherine in 3x4 than he did with Elena. Even when he looked turned on with Elena, which was during her no humanity phase, he compared her to Katherine. SEers think the flirt with your eyes dialogue in 1x19 matches Stelena better than Delena and that Damon isn't as good flirting with his eyes with Elena. What are some scenes you can think of where they flirt with their eyes? 1x2 and 3x14 come to mind.

Yeah, there's no comparing their pleasure... Delena is fire. Elena moans in 3x19 and Damon moans in 4x7. They're so into each other that they'll kiss until a breath is needed to survive, that's what those moans are lol. Their sex in 4x8 is hot af, more so with the soundtrack they chose for Elena. The section of lyric that speaks to her steadily emerging with grace... she's finally emerging as her true self, as Damon's girlfriend. Something she's been trying to do since Denver.

There's nothing Stelena does better than Delena except friendship. I actually feel Stelena has more chemistry while they're friends and "barely there" chemistry while they dated.

Stefan doesn't do flirting with the eyes better than Damon because of the very purpose for it. That's what got Elena in 1x19, and why she tells him to stop doing it in 1x22. She's attracted to it. Watch 3x19, how Elena reacts to his bedroom eyes. His eye flirting is what hooked Caroline in the pilot episode.

“When there are no words, let your eyes do the talking.” - RuPaul

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

okay final amc interview with the vampire rewatch thoughts:

- I liked the pacing much better. the middle episodes felt like a slog to watch week by week but I think it’s much better suited to bingeing. there were still choices I didn’t love, but the plot was going at a consistent clip the entire time.

- sam reid and jacob anderson were both fantastic! galaxy brained takes on both characters. bailey bass.. her acting is good but I am too southern to be able to take that accent seriously 😭😭 it was painful

- lestat is still given more narrative dignity and power than I would like. he’s introduced having his own wealth and he is the one giving louis money as opposed to being the broke unwanted houseguest who invited himself. he doesn’t use claudia to babytrap louis, louis has to beg him to change her (hated this!). he is given a personal pawn in antoinette, and is allowed to see the murder attempt coming. I feel like sam reid brings the necessary vain, overeager desperation to the role to offset it, but the plot is still like that

- I’m still deeply unsatisfied with all of the choices they made with claudia. I think it’s a huge cop out to have louis save her from a fire that she 100% would not have survived otherwise. I missed the very key book element of it being louis who killed her and lestat who “saved” her by making her into a vampire. I also disliked how cleanly her relationship with lestat becomes one of hate after episode five. there’s zero mixed feelings and they’re both so on the same page about how much they hate each other. I get what they’re trying to do with “they’re too alike therefore they can’t stand each other” but that doesn’t preclude a more complicated dynamic

- I hated that all of claudia’s issues surrounding never growing up seemed to revolve around sex and romance. she’s given the sweet romance/almost romance that ends poorly and marks her slide into being more recklessly murderous and her dissatisfaction with vampirism. meanwhile there’s the OC vampire they invented to assault her… as a monkey’s paw curls situation I guess?? and to cement her vulnerability to other vampires. a lot of her arc feels so defined by men in a way that’s not really about her. it also doesn’t help that in casting an older teenage actress, it’s harder to buy that she would run into issues day to day with living on her own or passing as a young looking adult. idk she just felt particularly Written By A Man to me

- I’m also still unsure how I feel about the more literal domestic violence allegory. with daniel’s cynical quips about stockholm syndrome and abuse. or the way the big fight is framed when it looks like louis might leave lestat for claudia. I don’t mind them becoming violent with each other, it seems like that would be second nature to vampires who are killing every night. their relationship with violence would simply be different than a typical person’s. but then I think the fight’s framing was perhaps too typical to make sense for vampires? idk idk I like abuse narratives and I think interview as a story has always been in part about usurping an abuser so… seeing physical abuse… makes sense but this also felt too on the nose. so I am on the fence

- the pilot and the finale were the strongest episodes by far. I really appreciate this series’ dedication to style and atmosphere. it’s the first piece of contemporary vampire media in a while that feels like it actually wants to be about vampires

- I was shrieking at every single little hint at the larger vc lore, even when I knew full well it was coming. I’m honestly too attached to the first book so any loose show adaptation was destined to be prickly for me but I have zero reservations about the rest of the series. I’m so fucking excited to see it continue and cover more of the books!!! I will PASS OUT when we actually get to the theatre des vampires

- having the armand reveal confirmed makes the entire show so fucking insane???? I was watching this with maka and dolce who had NOT seen this before and it was such a struggle not to dissolve into hysterics every time he was in frame. like what deranged psychosexual nonsense???

- like louis describing being so desperately in love with lestat in excruciating detail while his current bf is literally always in the room?? the extent armand goes to to keep up the charade that he’s just an unassuming human ☺️ no reason to be suspicious at all ☺️☺️ it’s even funnier having the second season trailer out, knowing that he’s devised like an entire costume and sense of style for this rashid character purely to fuck with daniel 😭

[onelungmcclung]

MotA pt eight:

combat pilots are the glamour boys of piloting tbh (I like/am critical of this show's sprawling ambition but I'd take a BoB style miniseries just following the 332nd / 477th)

feeling a little bit back to square one in that suddenly there's a whole new bunch of guys in uniforms and masks and I'm supposed to be able to tell them apart and it took me about 4 episodes to keep track of the 100th (about 7 to keep track of easy company, but I was new to the genre back then)

(my co-watchers and I have a whatsapp group called "i moustache you a question" which is purely for helping one another tell MotA characters apart)

I don't want to be mean but I do not give a skerrick of a fuck about bucky's emotional problems, especially when that problem is boredom

"well I could cope with being DEAD" is mildly endearing

just think how much of this narration you could cut out and everything would be fine, better even

it's good to see a little bit more of capt westgate's working relationships

croz that is what happens when you disobey kidd's direct order, your brain deactivates

did u know christopher lakewood (col jeffrey) is also an accent coach

I thought maybe buck and bucky's fight might be some piece of misdirection theatre in aid of an escape plan but no, bucky is just that annoying. punch him again.

luv the tuskegee airmen already because nobody's narrating over their scenes. see how well this works

"I helped plan d-day and then slept through it" is a great story for the grandkids. I'm being flippant but also: it kind of is

croz/rosie/kidd ot3. I'm right. think it over. thank me later. (platonically, but ydy. maybe I'll decide I'm flexible)

if I were more heterosexual I would fall for macon reeling off a list of precise statistics that he worked out earlier when he had a free five minutes

"we perhaps might not blend into nazi germany?" is seditious talk apparently

I'm always a bit lost when the 100th point to one another through their plane windows and say things like "look! there's blakely!" because I simply cannot make out any distinguishing features. the tuskegee planes are great though, much more distinctive

Second Smug Nazi is a slightly more charismatic actor imo

the writers have got themselves into that "this time period was racist but Our Heroes cannot be racist" dilemma so, as per the classic dodge, some relatively minor character gets to be the Only Racist. sorry hambone. you are very blond, after all. (sometimes it's "this time period was homophobic" or "this time period was misogynistic" but the solution remains the same)

I quite like alex and buck's interactions, despite not having been terribly invested in buck so far. good chemistry? just the novelty of a new character relationship? anyway it helps when butler and turner get scenes with other people for a change. one of the best tools for character development is giving them multiple relationships; the different commonalities/tensions/chemistry are v revealing

I am not immune to a Secret Plot Montage

tell me more about macon and demarco, is this a budding friendship (don't want to overegg a "standing next to each other" moment but I'm starved for supporting character development and I'm finally giving up on that significantly changing)

I think westgate is probably right to call things off with crosby sooner rather than later (I always support hbo war ladies when they dump guys #feminism)

yeah I do quite like rosie, he's a good person/leader/pilot. very obviously not (as winters described guarnere and speirs) a natural killer, but that's not his job and he is a natural pilot and therefore cannot bring himself to leave the other guys before the war is over

I think I have done a relatively good job of keeping track of the influx of new characters. don't remember everyone's names yet (alex! macon! daniels!) but I'm doing better on faces

hope demarco and meatball get to reunite next ep

[spacehostilityy]

Okie well I can't shut up ever so I'm going to compile my thoughts here on Tumblr as I rewatch nnt fom the beginning !! Also pls feel free to scream and/or rewatch with me👉👈👀

Kinda long so more thots below the cut

Season 1, episodes 1-6

I forgot how good the writing and animation are in the first season, like they truly thrived under aniplex😔 the brief white blood period in I think season 3 shows us just how good we had it

I love seeing Hawk and Meliodas's relationship, and his star Boar earring😭 plus having the Boar hat as the main location is just so comforting !!

Also I JUST realized his name is hawk because of a ham hok😭😭 this is like when I realized toe mater's name was tomato at the ripe age of 18

I miss the holy knights being powerful. Like I get that the Sins are always more powerful than them, had a long way to go in terms of power ups, and meliodas straight up had most of his power sealed but like DAMN. They were so cool in season 1 !! Gil was such a badass😭 I guess I just wish that the holy knights powered up along with the Sins

Seeing the very first episode got me thinking about the original pilot Manga (chapter 0) and how cool it might have been !! Like I love the story we got, but I do think those versions of Mel and Elizabeth maybe would have been better than the ones we got😳 like I just really like Meli's original design, I feel like he looks a bit older, and chapter 0 Elizabeth is simply superior ngl. She's funny, brave, and assertive - a lot more like Liz and goddess Elizabeth, except funnier

The first half of season 1 has one of my fave intro and outros like damn I forgot how fucking cool they were. Some of my fave songs to !! (my all time fave is def howling from season 3 part 2 (i think lol) tho)

Like look how cool this is !!! It reminds me of this pic from the manga

Speaking of intros, I miss the title cards !! Like look how cute this is !!

Everytime the fiddle (?) Music plays I get SO FUCKING HYPED BRO like damn Ik it's through all the seasonal and I'm so glad it is because it's rlly the perfect hype song - here it is on Spotify

Also Gil is such a badass in early episodes, I love his strength !! This moment is the fucking coolest and you can't convince me otherwise

Overall, I think the attention to detail is just better, the sounds the armor makes, the animation and drawings (esp background characters), Meliodas just sounds a bit older too (and I have theories on his voice here if u want them 👀)

The whole perv thing is really exhausting really quickly. Almost surprised 14 year old me made it through this as the 2nd anime I ever watched and the 1st I watched alone

I feel like Diane got shorter through the seasons. Like she doesn't compare to Hawk Mama like she did in season 1, and I think that's a damn shame. Let my giant girl be giant !!

She's also a decent bit more violent and I enjoy that thoroughly. She's just a silly goofy kween😌

Also her original costume is superior, her boots are just👌

Just realized that Meliodas was like an older brother/mentor to Gil and now they're brothers in law 😭😭

Also young Elizabeth and Gil are so cute😭 I always forget that they grew up together too

I love Hawk, but I feel like kicking him would just be so satisfying 😔

HOLY SHIT I forgot how badass Ban is when weren't first introduced to him !!

The humming while impaled and bleeding out he really is that girl tm

He's such a masochist. A damn if it isn't kinda hot.

Wow they really introduced Diane's body issues and then almost never bring them up again

Also my plus size Diane headcanon is so real like damn. Body issues girlies are being represented by her fr😔

Ban's slutty waist. That's it. That's the thot.

Also his pre series hair. First season reminding me why I love Ban sm

Lowkey miss the dragon handle sword. The broken blade was so cool:( Lostvayne still cool tho

I think it's so funny how they always wore their armor as holy knights, and yet anytime they wear armor in the present time line, it just immediately cracks off😭

Really anything except pants is going to be blasted off🤪

Okay SO in episode 5, when Ban is about to get his scar from the dragon handle sword, he tells Meliodas "you and me have been hanging together for a lot of years now." This scene takes place 12 years before present (bp). Does this mean Ban and Meliodas were friends before the formation of the Sins? Or was Ban the first after him and Merlin? Ban has been immortal 20 years BP, leaving 8 years in between present and the flashback. 8 years before this scene, Meliodas was still in Danafal/Danfor and would be for another 4 years. What does any of this mean? Idk, just thot it was intriguing lol.

Also how did I not notice this is the first time we see demon!Meliodas !! Baby's first sighting as an unnatural creature with otherworldly rage🥰🥰

Also the fact we never see the scar Gil gave him again lol. Plus him presumably needing to do demon mode so hellfire can heal him is actually rlly cool

Just thought about how Elizabeth laying her hand on his chest to check the scar was the first time in years his love touches him with gentleness or concern🥲🥲

The fact that it took me 6 years to realize that when Meliodas says he'll keep the promise he made to Elizabeth, even if she should die is referencing the promise he made to her originally to break their curses🥲😬😤😭😭😭😭

6'11 Ban thinking that he even had a chance in fitting in Jericho's armor is just so... him

Diane calling Elizabeth kiddo is so fucking cute🥺

Also they definitely get away with a lot more innuendos and swears. The words badass and foreplay in the same episode? Impressive

[kisskissbanggang]

Jumpspace Renegade - ep. 4 ✨🚀

[3k words, 11 min. read - Stray Kids Multi Fic, Scifi!au, Choose Your Own Adventure - SFW/Smut in Later Chapters - Meeting the Gang, Touring the Ship, Shady Happenings, Petty Theft, Cybernetically Enhanced Anatomy, Different Levels of Asshole, Always Check the Tags]

[Episodes on Fridays 7pm pst, Polling closes Saturdays 7pm pst]

[Series Masterlist | Come Say Hi!]

Jisung looked on expectantly, in a way that was woefully and admittedly a little cute.

But still.

“I hate to admit it,” you lightly sighed with a shrug, “but it’s been a crazy day for me. I think I’d love to have a minute to recoup.”

The pilot nodded with enthusiasm.

“... By myself,” you clarified.

“Oh!” Jisung caught on. “Got it. Of course.”

“Glad you get it,” Changbin chuckled with a roll of his eyes. His toolbag in one hand, he gently patted your shoulder with the other to get you turned around so you could follow him. “Come on, love, let’s get you situated.”

“Want me to come along?” Jisung brightly offered.

Changbin waved him off before herding you back to the spiral staircase at the back of the bridge. “Fly the ship, bright eyes.”

“We’re on auto-nav–!” you heard Jisung whine as you left him behind. Changbin simply shook his head, stifling a laugh while he led you down the stairs.

“Don't mind Jisung,” the mechanic assured you. “He doesn't get out much and we don't meet a lot of people, as I'm sure you could've guessed.”

“Good pilot, though?” you asked. It was good to get a feel for any resources available to you, after all. 

Changbin nodded heartily. “The best, seriously. He’s been flying since before he could walk. I think he was in the courier business before joining us? He even helped Chan pick out the ship.”

You were led through the modest galley again and back past the stairs down the cargo hold. “So it’s a good ship? The Ambler, right?”

“She fares better than you’d expect.” Changbin affectionately patted a support beam. You spied his own prison mark, just like yours but a royal purple hue. “Jisung managed to roll this beast of burden last time we really had to get out of dodge, and somehow all of us were fine, the Ambler included.”

Changbin pointed down the stairway. 

“So Hyunjin’s room is down in the hold, behind the stairs. Jeongin’s bunk is there, too. Jisung is just off the galley here.”  With that, he pointed to an entryway tucked into the maintenance access  you'd paused in front of. You almost wondered if there was a gym on board, catching yourself staring at Changbin’s biceps straining the seams on his t-shirt sleeves.

“Changbin,” called a voice from behind you. There was Jeongin, the one that still had a soft expression despite his angular features, standing at the top of the stairs to the cargo hold. “I’m all done pulling out the barter goods.”

“Cool,” Changbin nodded. He gestured upstairs. “Can you check for any updates from Fed Patrol up on the bridge? You know Jisung forgets.”

Jeongin nodded and shot you a quick smile with a wave before leaving back the way you came from. Here in the maintenance access, all manner of control boxes and panels lined the walls in the open room. In front of you both was another sealed hatch door. 

“And Jeongin is a good cabin boy, if you were wondering,” Changbin chuckled while he pulled up the latch bar on the door, the vacuum seal letting out a little exhale. “Alright. This is the workshop! Felix should be around here still.”

Once again, you'd been fooled by the scale of the ship from the outside. This was actually an incredibly decent sized garage. One speedster bike and one four-wheeler were parked in their bays… And so was one boat. 

Embarrassingly, you'd never seen a boat in person. It never even really occurred to you that you might see all sorts of things you never had before on this impromptu trip. The craft was somewhat small, sleek, compact, probably enough to haul the crew and not much else. 

“Like it?” Changbin asked, catching you focusing on it. 

You nodded dumbly. “Sure! I mean, yeah. For the first boat I've ever been this close to.”

Changbin paused after he stowed his tools in the workbench on the wall. “Seriously. You've never been near a boat?”

There was really no use being defensive, you tried to remind yourself. “Nope,” you laughed. “You'd love what all I haven't seen. Your man Minho down in the hold told me I reminded him of a little bird. I didn't have the heart to tell him.”

“Birds? You've never seen birds?!” cackled a voice in the boat, making you both jump. Hyunjin sat up from where he’d apparently been stooped over, brushing his fingers back through his blonde hair. Unlike you and Changbin, Hyunjin had multiple prison and jail brands on his arm. You helplessly shrugged. “Well then,” he continued, “you’ll love it when we stop at the Hatchery. Birds, boats, all sorts of stuff.”

Changbin blinked at Hyunjin in confusion. “We’re detouring to the Hatchery?”

Now Hyunjin looked confused. “Yeah…? Remember Seungmin took that gig doing the charts for that fishing company? He's done early and they want the hard copies. It’s not that bad of a detour, considering the payday.”

“Right, no, I know that,” Changbin argued from where he still was at the workbench. “I just don't know when we decided this–”

Hyunjin held up his hands in innocence. “Hey, you didn't hear it from me.”

“What're you even doing in there?” you finally asked. 

“Oh!” Hyunjin excitedly pivoted to hold up a small bag. “I’ve been looking for these foreign credits for ages and just remembered I had them in here for bartering last time we used the boat.”

You and Changbin watched Hyunjin casually hopped out. 

“Keep an eye out for Jisung, by the way,” he warned over his shoulder on the way out. “I thought I heard him rustling around.”

The mechanic shared sideways glances with you. Unlikely, seeing as you’d just seen Jisung on the bridge. 

But almost as if to change the subject, Changbin cracked a crooked grin. “For everything you haven't seen, I'm betting you have seen one of these.”

You nearly jumped out of your skin when Changbin pointed an electric lasso at you and fired it with a crackling pop. The thing wasn't charged, thank god, but it still startled the hell out of you. You did manage to duck out of the way nonetheless. 

Changbin nodded, impressed as he retracted the lead. He even looked proud. 

“Nice dodge.” 

“Nice shot.”

“What the hell was that?” a beleaguered voice nagged from the doorway. You both whipped around to face the blonde man standing there. He dropped the bag of junk in his hands. 

“Felix,” Changbin preemptively defended, already walking over to him. “I was just playing–”

“That's how we get hurt, you fucking maniac,” Felix laughed, exasperated. He easily pulled the lasso out of Changbin’s hands. “And you know I spent a fortune getting this with the other surplus!”

“Felix is our weapons specialist,” Changbin furtively explained to you. “He keeps us strapped at all times.”

You watched Felix literally pull back the whole workbench along with the attached wall. Behind it was another wall, this one being a rack with an impressive selection of gadgets, all ranging in different degrees of lethality. Felix flipped open a compartment and stowed the lasso before sliding the false wall and workbench back into place. Even more curiously, Felix had no prison branding… But he did have a Federation Marine mark. 

The small, blacked out barcode was difficult to make out on Felix’s neck, being covered with a far more noticeable tattoo of a tiger lily on top of it – but it was unmistakable. 

Felix turned to acknowledge you now, almost like he caught you inspecting him. “Nova,” he warmly grinned, “let’s show you your room, dude.”

You were a little relieved, to be honest. Felix strolled back over and patted a friendly hand on your shoulder to herd you in the direction of your bunk. 

“Don’t worry about Chan,” he casually assured you. He paused when you looked confused. 

“Did I seem like I am?” you asked. “I haven't seen him since you were all dealing with the port authority.”

Now you were both confused. Felix stroked his chin. “Oh. I thought I saw him recently so I assumed you ran into him. I was at least going to tell you he just generally looks annoyed; it's almost never one person's fault.”

“I appreciate that,” you giggled, “but you must like him a lot to be so readily defensive.”

Felix's cheeks rouged, shading his cute spray of freckles. You were amused to imagine this guy was the crew’s sharpshooter. “Chan’s great,” he downplayed with a dismissive shrug. “Great captain and a great guy. I’m betting we all owe him a favor, at least I know that’s how Changbin and I ended up here.”

“No, I totally do, too,” a voice pitched in from the entryway leading to your bunk. The three of you jumped, Felix fully gasping in surprise despite trying to suck it back down. 

Jisung awkwardly waved in greeting. “Sorry,” he winced. “Just thought it was worth contributing. Nova, I brought your bag up. I saw you didn't have it on the bridge.”

“Thanks…?” you acknowledged. “How did you–”

“He probably used the service passages,” Changbin groaned. He punched Jisung in the arm, getting a whispered curse out of the pilot. “They’re between the floors, and between the walls and hull, and they’re not for playing.”

“I was just being helpful!” Jisung excused. 

“And it was!” you gratefully reassured him. 

Felix pointed to the door. “Out, Jisung. Can't you see the poor thing is exhausted? You can overwhelm her with questions about T’kaarm later.”

Jisung grinned brightly in realization. “I didn't even think about that! I’ve wondered so many things every time we’ve been there–”

Felix exaggeratedly pointed again. “OUT, JISUNG.”

“But we’ll talk later!” Jisung finally relented on his way out of the garage. “You gotta rest. Clearly! And recoup, like you said. I’ll see you later!”

You, Changbin, and Felix let out a sigh of relief when Jisung closed the door behind him. A peacefully quiet hum filled the workshop again. 

“Okay,” Felix exhaled. “Now let’s show you your room.”

You nodded thankfully, turning the corner from the entryway to a set of doors. One labeled “6” was shut, but “7” on the right was open, and Felix opened it more with a soft push of his open palm. He and Changbin let you peek in before entering ahead of them. 

Smaller than the bedroom you'd left behind, but far bigger than your cell, the immediate draw of the bunk was having your own window. Outside was simply darkness, stars, and small wisps of astral clouds. 

It took you a second to realize your mouth was hanging open. 

“I think Jisung was being strategic when we drew rooms,” Felix chuckled behind you. “He’s closest to the communal head midship. Hope you don't mind.”

“And it's easy enough to shower in private,” Changbin added. “If you're worried about that. I know I am.”

“Oh, and I'm sorry about the room. I know it's small,” Felix apologized, “and it’s not as clean as I'd like but–”

“Felix,” you interrupted. “It’s perfect. You almost did too much.”

“You really did a good job,” Changbin earnestly praised Felix, the mechanic scooping up his companion's hand in his own. “Now come on, leave her to it. You said you had cookies for me in the galley.”

Felix’s cheeks were tinted rosy again and he gave you a small smile with a wave before walking out with Changbin. You closed the door and allowed yourself a second to just sit in your room. 

Alone.

With all the space you ever wanted outside. 

You sat on the windowsill and simply watched. Most craft were already past the jumpspace checkpoint by now. If you were detouring to the Hatchery, it made sense that you were flying below the high speed corridor and not seeing any ships. It was so amazingly quiet. 

You scanned the room again, getting your bearings. How did Jisung even get in here? The small room contained a writing desk along with a modest closet built into the wall across from your bed. Sure enough, your bag laid on the simple bedspread. You slipped off the windowsill. Here, part of the question was answered. A hatch was laid into the wall right under the window, but it only said “LATERAL AND DOWN ACCESS ONLY”. If Jisung came from the bridge, wouldn't that have been up? That is, if he even came through the service passages the whole way. 

You popped open the closet. Now here was the second part of your answer. Footholds built into the wall of the storage space led up to a hatch in the closet’s ceiling. This one said “UP AND LATERAL ACCESS ONLY”. Interesting. So this led to the bridge? You turned the handle on the hatch and pushed up, following your hand as you climbed. 

It was far darker in the service passage, only lit by work lights. This was like being in the cargo hold all over again. You ducked back down into your room and, sure enough, an emergency flashlight was clipped onto the built-in nightstand by your bed. 

The ambient hum in the service passage sounded off, you thought. It wasn't just machinery and electronics. Then you noticed the hatch overhead. Your flashlight beam illuminated the label. 

“RM 1. CPT’S QTRS”

What? So Chan’s room was above yours? There must've been another access on the bridge you hadn’t noticed, because if your recollection was correct, this room was right behind it. You straightened up, just to stretch out your back. The ceiling was much shorter here. There weren't even any footholds or rungs up to the hatch; the truncated height meant they simply weren’t needed. 

The incongruent noise was easier to make out now. It wasn't just music, but maybe a livestream and maybe even a movie as well. But there was an unmistakable electric whirring of a drill up here. Almost like all the other noise was meant to drown it out. 

You could've left it alone, and should've, but curiosity got the better of you. 

The handle was as cold as the rest of the service passage when you turned it. 

You weren’t going to snoop much. You just wanted to know what the noise was, clearly. This was understandable. 

The cacophony was even louder when you opened the hatch, just enough to see. You were at floor level in the Captain’s quarters, over by the wall. This was like a stretched out version of your own room, with a much roomier bed, private head, tiny kitchenette, and a much larger desk that had been converted into a mini workbench. The lights were kept somewhat low aside from ambient hues of purple and blue. The most illumination in the space was the lamp over where Chan was currently working at the desk. This was where the whirring was coming from, and suddenly stopped. 

Chan sat up and slipped off his safety glasses to inspect his work. He was holding a cybernetic leg. Squinting at something in the piece, he picked up a screwdriver to tinker with something inside the calf. A twitch in his right hand made him pause and flex before finishing up. He pushed himself away from the desk, and this was the first time you’d noticed.

Although you weren't sure how you would've noticed otherwise. 

Dressed in a comfy pair of shorts, it was plain to see Chan only had one leg. The right leg he held in his hands seemed to be a perfect match. He slipped the top of the leg into the bottom of his shorts and settled onto it, adjusting and shifting his weight until he was bipedal again. The Captain inspected the limb, wiggling his toes and rolling his ankle around. 

While Chan fiddled with the leg, now you noticed Chan’s own blacked-out Marines barcode. 

Prison and ex-military. 

Chan turned around, right to the end of the room you were snooping from. You ducked down, letting the hatch clamp shut over you. 

You jumped back into your room and paced a little. There was clearly a lot going on in just the small world of the Ambler. But you weren’t sure where to go from here. Could you maybe even dip from the crew at the Hatchery if you liked it enough? You thought about this as you resumed enjoying the view outside. It really was gorgeous. Maybe you’d just find a cruise ship and bum around port to port. There'd be plenty of options once you got the payoff for that ring. 

A crick in your neck prompted you to massage the muscles there, when you noticed how much of a sweat you worked up just snooping in the stale service passage. You opened your bag on the bed, pawing around for a spare shirt to change into. 

When you noticed the ring was gone. 

You didn't believe it at first. The contents of your bag spilled out onto the bedspread when you emptied it out, and you meticulously pored over every single item. You checked your pockets. You checked the bag itself, and then everything again. 

It really was missing. 

You tried to run down a quick list of suspects. Changbin was with you the whole time from the moment you got to the bridge. For all you knew, Seungmin never left the bridge. Jeongin came up from the cargo bay where your bag had been left, and Hyunjin was in the garage before you got there. Felix wasn’t likely, he’d been cleaning and preparing your room and was surprised to find Jisung in there. And Jisung! Jisung brought your bag up himself. Then there was Chan, whose room was literally right above yours. And what did he say when he threw you in the brig? They had to see if there was a “pretty little price” on your head? 

And, of course, there was Minho, who would've been left with your bag the whole time until Jisung grabbed it. 

Maybe you could go directly to the source to maybe gather some clues. 

Maybe you could ask someone for more info. 

Or… Maybe you could simply and quietly confront someone.

[darkhorse-javert]

On the Edge (of the Knife of War)

A character exploration (as much as it's anything) of Wing Commander Turner regarding Andrew pre and during the episode 'Enemy Fire'. Some lines quoted directly from the episode

@flashfictionfridayofficial (a teeeeny 126 words over limit)

He sees it, the Shadow, creeping at the young man as the winter rolls past the yearchange, into the darkest, cold months of the new. The tense hunch of the shoulders as the young man sits in the mess, not simply drawn up against the weather as it might seem. A sharper edge to the tongue, or no jest at all. I should pull him from the main  flow, get him to a quieter station. But he can't. They might have won the battle, last autumn, but there's still the war, the Rhubarbs and Circuses taking their toll on the numbers. There's no one of Foyle's experience to take the place, and only a few of the younger ones really offering to match his calibre of flying - when they get there.  He uses them; Woods, Beckett, puts them with Foyle, to watch his back on the quiet, as much as to learn from him. 

But then there are the calls, the desperate need for the Photographs, and that's a special kind of flying, which for the moment, only Foyle can manage, tight, low, weaponless by virtue of the plane. And so Foyle has to go. It shows, all of it, the weight in his eyes, paleness in the face, marks under the eyes, that the night watch  report an unsettled pilot slipping out of the bunks, that even when he stays inside he’s tossing and turning (reported by his bat-man, and a nervous Beckett).

He tries to pull Foyle back off the immediate flights when he can, searches and asks for a transfer. And then it all blows up. Foyle snapping and snarling with one of the fitters. Drake, he knows by the rumour mill, is a tricky one; oily, slippery really, and Foyle's comments over poor maintenance are quite probably well founded, but the pilor has to say within order- hold cohesion. So he dresses him down 

Foyle is the colour-flag of the Squadron, But, Turner thinks, I shouldn't have said that last bit aloud, about not letting them down. That’s too high a bar. The shadow is well on Foyle’s back now, his well-meaning hot headedness turned and twisted by it. 

He sends him off, and finds himself looking at the empty space left by the young man, too young maybe, too young and too old at once. What war does to all of us. Pray God he'd drink hard and that will unwind him long enough to actully sleep and slep and recoup wht he' burning, at least a little. Fifteen ops in a week- too many.

Foyle comes back a little better, but the call comes again, a photo mission needing low and slow photography. He looks at Foyle, sitting resigned more than enthusiastic across the desk it would be murder to send him, nothing but murder. So he name Woods, Foyle protests.

 One Man, One Plane that’s how it always has been. The planes aren't carbon copies, each has their own foibles a pilot needs to learn - to know the plane as well as his own body. But he can’t send Foyle, and Wood’s photo-Spit is indeed in dock.

“He can take yours.” Just like that the rule is broken.

And Foyle just accepts it.

He watches discreetly from a distance as Foyle sends Woods off that night, a pat on the shoulder and a long watch at the sky as the Spit takes off. He couldn’t fly it, you did the right thing 

Then Greville comes back aflame and Andrew disappears.  He gives the lad time, he is only a young man after all, more shaken than any of them, perhaps save himself. I heard the argument, I knew that Spit was dicky too. He waits the hours of absence out and doesn’t comment, pretends he doesn’t notice. It goes overnight and he has to notice or else be in trouble himself. Family… if in trouble, Foyle would go to his family. He presents himself at the police station, feeling a pang for the fear his presence provokes, fear of death come to the door. It sickens him deep inside.

He lays out the situation in bare bones; Andrew AWOL. The fear is gone, and caution takes it’s place in the policeman's face,  “So you can do what, exactly?”

He can only incline his head in respect.  If this man is helping his son he’s not going to give it up easily. Here is one who will, Turner realises, fight until the last for his son. And Law or no Law, it would be a cold hearted man who would not give Andrew shelter at this juncture, in his condition- Turner thinks, the memory of the wan face crossing his vision - and this man is not cold.

He explains, and spots a hint of curiosity, perhaps, in the enigmatic face of Foyle Senior, who listens as he personally disowns ‘Lack of Moral Fibre’.

“What do you call it?” 

"Well, I see the truth of it. These young men, we ask so much of them. It's not just the number of ops they fly and the mental strain, it's, it's lack of sleep. No wonder they get ill. Flying stress, combat fatigue…” He pauses, drops the next words in exactly the same tone, “shell shock, even.” There, he sees it, a slightest, probably unknown reaction to those words. One old fighter to another. That is what it was called in the old war he does not need to say, You know it and i know it both of us from that time - 

Would that everyone else would see it is not weakness so much as loss of strength; having been thrown into more than it is possible to bear and yet bearing it for a time. I do not blame Andrew Mr Foyle, every man has a limit no matter what courage they draw on. It is only the war’s fault for draining it, and perhaps mine for not being able to relieve him until so late. Now, only now, has the transfer request come good. And Andrew isn’t to be found.

“I can give him until two o'clock this afternoon. No longer than that.“

Andrew re-appears at the base, in escort of his father and the girl in Khaki Turner had seen at the station, with exactly five minutes to spare of his ‘unofficial leave’. He orders the young man, a Flight Lieutenant now, out to the OTU, and takes the salute he’s offered. For a moment, just a moment he breathes a sigh of relief; There goes one at least who he’s been able to claw back, who will not - not yet at least - shatter on the edge of war’s knife. And that… well that has to count for something. It Must.

A/N; I LOVE love writing Turner