#low key wish I hadn’t but also glad I did

[thatonepersonthatdied]

Everytime I see an orphan account on ao3 I imagine they went into witness protection

[flashbangstars]

Searching for Sun, water, and attention

Pairing: Jeno x Female reader wc: 2k +

Summary: You honestly thought you were coping with being a stem major in finals week pretty well... up until you weren't

Genre: low key hurt comfort, idk man rough week, fluff, i call mc a plant

Warnings?: none really, I say sex like once

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

Your leaves were wilting, and you were in dire need of water. You weren’t placed in a spot where you get enough sun, and they didn’t tend to your leaves, You felt as if you hadn’t had a proper day of self-care in weeks. Which was true. 

But you were also not a plant, you were an engineering major in your second semester of senior year struggling to make it through. You hadn’t eaten since the couple slices of apple you snuck this morning from your roommate’s breakfast plate (dire need of water), you hadn’t changed out of the pajamas you had been wearing for two days not (leaves were wilting), and you had been sitting in the dark of your room with only your computer screen illuminating the space (you weren’t getting enough sun) 

You had taken on a giant project and had yet to see the end of it. You had been dealing with group members who had checked out and didn’t care anymore, and professors who were doing the same thing. Hence this little room has become your evil lair for the past couple of weeks, Everything was online so you did not need to leave, and why would you leave if you could get things delivered? 

It was about 1 in the afternoon and thanks to your blackout curtains your room was pitch black. Hearing the door open you knew it meant Jeno was home. Jeno was your roommate, you two had met online on the student group chat and the rest is history. 

He did think you were a dude at first, but hey it’s 2024 who cares? 

You hear a soft knock on the door and a pause after two knocks. 

“Hi,” You hear Jeno say from the other side of the door.

“Come in” 

The door opened and Jeno walked into your room and beelined to the windows, quickly opening the blinds and letting in the afternoon sun. 

Hissssss

“Did you just fucking hiss at me?” His head swiveled and his eyes were big. 

“Gut reaction, my bad” You raised your hand in surrender. 

Jeno was no stranger to this, with your major this was the territory every finals season. You would become a recluse and lock yourself in your room to work on things. He felt bad because he knew it took a toll on you, but you never said anything when things got hard.  One afternoon a year ago your friends on their way out had thanked him for “taking care of you” He hadn’t done much but he was glad to know he was of some help in your life. 

“OK get up, you’ve been in here since I left. You need fresh air” He knew you probably hadn’t gotten up in his absence to even move around the apartment either”

“You were gone for like an hour, that’s nothing!!!” You said laughing at your roommate’s accusation.

Jeno paused and turned around with an unamused face to stare at you 

“Y/n I was gone for 4 hours” the monotone voice matching the vibe his face was giving.

Pause

“You were gone four hours? When did you leave?” You questioned.

“I left at 7:45 this morning, and it is currently noon” He deadpanned.

“Oh,” you remarked.

“Yeah OH, now get up we are going for a walk” He grabbed your hands and began to pull you out of the chair. Blankets falling to the ground and exposing the pajamas you hadn’t taken off since you woke up.

“Put on different clothes” he muttered as he walked out of your room.

Glancing down at the Hello Kitty pajamas pants you were a little offended as to why he thought you couldn’t wear these out in public, but you still fulfilled his wishes and changed into leggings and a clean sweatshirt. Probably looking the most put-together you have in a couple of months. 

You both walked down the street your apartment was on in a comfortable silence, watching your reflection in the windows of the stores you passed. Jeno was always someone people looked at, he had all these pretty angles and pretty features. It was hard not to like him,  you two in comparison were very different and It was hard to not crave the structure Jeno had created for himself. He was smart, he didn’t have to struggle to get ahead, he just was a good student. He also was very attractive which helped. 

You knew a lot about him from living together for as long as you did and you still didn’t know whether you wanted to be with him or be him. 

“Wkgrbnorgnognwg?” A voice broke you from your thoughts.

“Huh?” You asked turning your head to face Jeno, his brows up showing he had just asked you a question. 

“I said do you want to sit down? The park is across the street” he repeated pointing to the benches lining the walking path across the street. 

“Oh yeah! Do you want to grab coffee first?” You suggested. 

“I’m not sure you need more caffeine in your system actually, it really can’t be healthy how much you consume” Jeno warned, his eyebrows drawing together in concern. He was also incredibly easy to read.

“It’s fine, I think I go through withdrawals now if I don’t consume a dangerous amount” you joked, Jeno not finding it amusing though. 

“I’m seriously ok I promise, the caffeine is just a necessary evil in college,” you said again trying to reassure him you weren’t macro-dosing caffeine every day and ruining your health, and probably stomach lining. 

“Coffee is fine, but you are getting decaf” Jeno laid down the law and then pulled you by the wrist into the coffee shop.

Jeno ordered for the both of you and got you a decaf vanilla latte and himself an iced americano, and he PAID! The sugar baby era commenced. 

Getting your drinks and then walking to the park bench you both sat down and stared out into the park. It was the same old comfortable silence you were familiar with Jeno, you two were the type of people who could sit with each other in silence and be content.

“Not to be a dick, but why do you do that to yourself,” Jeno asked breaking the silence. From your peripheral, you could tell he was still looking forward. Confusion partially took over at the turn in conversation and you didn’t respond, unsure of what he wanted you to say

“You don’t take care of yourself I understand school is important believe me, but watching you push yourself to the extent you do it sucks to see” 

Your confusion only got worse as Jeno began to voice his concerns about you, you didn’t even know he noticed things like that.

“And I wish you would let me help you, I live with you for fucks sake. Ask me for help” He finished by turning to face you, your face still staring straight ahead, afraid to turn to meet his gaze. 

Part of you thought you had been handling things alright, and part of you knew he was right. You kept to yourself when you were struggling because putting in on others felt selfish. You barely left your room at this point, and you hadn’t done anything other than school for the past two weeks. 

“It’s just something I need to deal with, I’m almost done with this project and I will get a break. I’m. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you worry.” You said not sure how to make things better.

Jeno sighed and rubbed his face turning his body so now he was facing you. “God I’m not asking for an apology, I’m saying this because I care about you. I care about you a concerning amount and I hate watching you go through this and I can’t help”  He admitted 

“Why do you care a ‘concerning amount’? I promise you I will be fine I don’t know what else I can tell you” your tone coming off defensive, now turning to face him. Your confusion now mixed in a twinge of frustration as to why Jeno was being so cryptic in his concerns. 

“Y/n I care because I like you. It is hard not to worry about the person you like, especially when you live with them. I get this urge to fucking tell you to go to bed on time, take you into my room away from your screens tuck you in with me, and make sure you sleep” Jeno had now begun rambling, his voice laced with the tiniest hint of anxiety 

“I want to bring you out of the apartment with me and go on walks and run errands where we hold hands and talk about life and I know I don’t have to worry about you not moving from the same spot for more than 4 hours, I want to start and end the day with you” He kept going. 

With every confession he was making you felt the confusion melt into a weird guilt, guilty you had made him feel like he couldn’t do anything, guilty you had made him feel helpless. You also felt this blur of emotions you couldn’t decipher with the sudden burst of someone pouring out how they liked you. 

You reached your hand out and wrapped it around his wrist effectively stopping his diatribe. His eyes immediately caught yours searching for some sort of answer, a reaction to what he had said. Fear, anticipation, and a secret third emotion swirl around in his irises. 

“Then do that” your voice came out stronger than you had planned. 

“Take care of me,” you asked 

Jeno’s eyes widened and his features began to soften. 

“I want to be that person for you too ” you finally admitted, your eyes breaking the staring contest you had been holding for the past couple of minutes. 

A couple of moments passed and neither of you moved. Hearing movement across from you, and then feeling arms grabbing you, Jeno pulled you into his chest and hugged you, his cheek pressing against your forehead and arms fully wrapped around you.

“Ok” you heard from above you, and then a soft kiss was placed on your forehead.

“Let’s go home” 

~

Waking up you blinked away the sleep and felt the sun coming into the room from the windows. Sitting up and pushing aside the blankets, you grabbed a sweatshirt from the dresser as you got up and pulled it on leaving the room. 

Jeno’s shirtless back faced you in the kitchen as he stood in front of the stove cooking something. 

Coming up beside him and rubbing your hand up his back feeling the notches in his spine. 

“Good morning,” you said resting your head against his shoulder.

“Good morning sweetheart” Jeno turned grasped your check and pulled you into a soft kiss his thumb caressing the top of your cheek. He tasted like toothpaste and his lips were covered in a thin layer of chapstick. You knew you probably tasted like morning breath and had dry lips but Jeno didn’t mind. 

Pulling away he stared at your face with a smile. And patted your butt covered with his sweatshirt. 

“I made you coffee” Jeno Pointed to the pink mug sitting on the counter with a banana sitting next to it. “Decaf because I know you don’t have any classes today,” he said turning the burner off. 

“Thank you,” you said kissing his shoulder blade with the warm coffee cup now in your hands. 

You both sat in a comfortable silence as you ate breakfast beside each other at the counter, Jeno’s hand periodically finding itself resting atop your thigh. You valued the moments of comfortable silence especially when they were spent with him.

You were now a healthy plant, your leaves were strong and you were regularly taken care of, you knew what you needed to grow, and you had the help of a very cute gardener (boyfriend)  who made sure you got enough sun (literal sun), water (literal water), and care (love and good sex). 

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

i actually struggled to write this one because of how bootycheek this last week and a half has been for me. so it lowkey reflected in my writing. lemme get to spring break and I promise i will be more positive

[eviltiddyproductions]

finally watched the final two episodes of Queen of Tears and oh brother…. while it was not AS BAD as I was picturing, it was still pretty bad and that’s on the #writers.

I love a little bit of a almost dying situation here and there in kdramas sometimes because there’s nothing like it to up the ante but the entire show is based on one of the main characters dying so maybe don’t throw all of the tropes in one go? 😭

I was low-key happy that till episode 15 we hadn’t seen anyone from the main leads get physically hurt unnecessarily to the point of death because haven’t they been through ENOUGH ? but nope Hyunwoo got hit by a car and Haein got kidnapped ?!!! my poor Soo Choel got beat up !? someone’s gotta put their pen downnnn because we didn’t have enough time with any of this in general and then Hyunwoo gets shot….

at least later on the side characters are real about the fact that this is an insane run of events (they say: shooting in Korea?! is this a drama)

also the shooting scene was so lifeless to me. I guess I never really connected with Eun Sung’s character in any manner because he would illicit 0 emotions out of me. so when he’s manipulating her post surgery and when he’s truly going insane with the gun I just thought saw all that coming and did not feel the emotional intensity of it at all. in fact, I thought Haein might take the hit for Hyunwoo to throw one surprise in there but they just went hard on cliches with the last two episodes. Also in retrospect, if she did I’d be mad because my sister has been through hell and back so idk this is just me being a viewer in two minds 😭

thankgod for the few scenes of peace and quiet and laughter that we got with Haein and Hyunwoo in the hospital. It did make it up for me to be honest.

wanted to know from others if the whole Eun Sung and his mom being these bad guys was interesting for anyone? I swear even with the information about the boat accident and everything I was just like 😐😐😐 okay? I just didn’t care about it at all. nothing throughout the show made me gag or go wow! they’re so smart!!!!

also, I just knew that if they avoided the baby conversation pre surgery, we were never getting a proper moment with these two and that’s what happened. they deserved more because they’re both writing it in passcodes, have been sleeping in different rooms and were on the brink of a divorce if it wasn’t for a fatal illness and we leave this important and required conversation for 1 minute 😭??? in a timeline where Haein doesn’t have her memories ???

to be fair the writing had already missed to capitalise on a lot of things for me here and there so this isn’t surprising except that it’s just weird.

I wish someone in the production had taken time with the last 4-5 episodes of the show because it ruined the dream run for me a little bit.

One thing I cannot fault them on, the acting, direction and GOD the cinematography. I could go on for daysssss.

(Shout out to the music, the Crush song and the intro song makes me tear up immediately)

I’ll now go rewatch the beginning episodes for a bit because woah, cinema.

Lastly, I’m glad everyone got to be happy, I just need some time for this to settle in.

[wetcatspellcaster]

I read the latest chapter of Honest Lie: it was devastating. I was smashed to the floor, it was incredible.

I loved the support group feedback.

Something I’m looking forward to is seeing how Rosalie deals with allowing Astarion to ascend. Rosalie’s straightforward ways of dealing with good things and bad things are something that I find difficult to comprehend - I think I personally am much more willing to compromise on good and evil for a person I love and a person I hate. I wonder if the party’s adoration for Rose is partially because she provides that strong moral compass that they all so desperately are looking for being

Good —————————- Power? Power!

(See companions vacillating between both spectrums, with Karlach being the exception, in my opinion)

And I do love Astarion’s cautiously made point, which (maybe? I feel?) that Rosalie hasn’t quite yet seemed to express fully in my reading - that people should be allowed to choose. There’s this line from a book that often resonates with me (I’ve put it below!! Please excuse my quoting another author at you, you being my respected and much loved author!) which states basically that choice is the most important thing to preserve, because it lets us choose to be whoever we want to be, which!! I love that BG3 seems to show us, that we persuade the companion but the companion makes the actual final choices!!

I’m super looking forward to the next installments!!! I enjoy reading so much your good and amazing works! Wishing you a great month ahead :)

“It was the right thing to do because it gave us choices. Having a choice is the most important thing.”

I’d heard that before. It’s a bullet-point line in the graduation handbook: As a general rule, regardless of the specific situation in which you find yourself, at every step you must take care to preserve or widen the number of your options. It hadn’t quite sunk in properly, but now it did. Having a choice meant being able to choose something that worked for you and whatever you were carrying and whatever you’d prepared. Having a choice meant you got to choose getting out.”

The Last Graduate, Naomi Novik

hey lovely, thank you for the message and feedback on the chapter, I'm glad that you enjoyed it!

I just want to give a quick reminder that Astarion doesn't Ascend in An Honest Lie! That is not my canon playthrough narrative and Pieces has the tagline 'Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence' for this reason. I only bring it up to put the lingering fears of any readers to bed, but also because it informs my response to your message!

Because, um, we've already *seen* the timeline where Rosalie gives Astarion full and free reign of choice... and that is, in fact, Pieces Still Stuck In Your Teeth :'))))

I totally get where you're coming from. I love that BG3 post that goes around occasionally being like 'I believe in supporting my friends' choices and BG3 really tests that by making my friends want to commit mass murder, become a God, kill a defenceless woman...' bc it sums up my feelings pretty succinctly. While in theory, I'd love a world where Astarion is given space to fix himself and then makes the choice a good Tav wants him to make, the fact of the matter is that if you do not make the (admittedly low DC) persuasion check, if left to his own devices Astarion will always choose to Ascend.

I've thought about that choice by Larian a lot. It's part of what made Pieces so compelling to me as a worst timeline, because that crucial moment seemed to become a perfect storm of 1. Rosalie doubting herself and her own values, choosing to put love first but in a way that is essentially, more self-sacrifice and self-effacement and self-doubt, and 2. Astarion losing a key source of support at the scariest moment in his life and suddenly feeling lost and alone. Rose doesn't speak to him once, past the flashback, in that timeline - she lets him take the lead.

So in response to your question, I operate on the belief, however subjective, that Rosalie's refusal to give in actually is what opens up more choice for Astarion, not the other way around. Because (as plenty of other meta posts that come before me have said much better than I could) he thinks the world works a certain way, and all his decisions are made within that matrix and the assumption that this is the only way the world works. Rose is offering a new model of behaviour - I'm not saying it's flawless, or even correct (it's mostly just autistic). It's just an alternative perspective that I believe (inevitably, as its author) is needed.

A secondary example of that, is him mechanising love in the Chapter 11 argument to try and get his way - he knows he can get people to do what he wants through sex, surely love is just a more powerful version of that? This is the way the world works. But Rosalie refusing to back down despite being in love with him, or love manifesting in a way that isn't immediate acquiescence, also challenges that perspective. It shows that sometimes love or sex or attraction isn't the automatic tool to a person's complacency, and that in fact sometimes love is actively working to better yourself, if you care about a person enough. Sometimes love/attraction isn't making the other person do something for you, but doing something for them instead.

I agree people should be allowed to choose... but sometimes people need support and also, to be quite honest, coaching to get through the most difficult times in their lives without turning into the worst version of themselves. That's not a failing of the person, it's just proof that things are easier when you have a support network. Astarion wants independence as freedom but I don't think independence as loneliness serves him, as it reinforces his worldview, of choices as survival and nothing else.

[quillyfied]

Okay next batch of episode thoughts that I don’t know that I can expand into real coherent thoughts so heck it we’re doing it live and cramming them together, no chronology just memory vibes, PART THREE:

- proud member of the “clocked those clocks” gang, literally said out loud “oh those clocks are bombs” AND!!!!

- And pair that with Stede’s “you never see the mediocre guys coming” SHE LITERALLY DID NOT

- Going back in time to the start of that endeavor, though, the tension and discomfort in watching Ricky and Zheng interact was just…it was a lot. Bc she’s trying her best to good cop/bad cop him, and it’s worked on every other person she’s tried it on (because she’s amazing at it and uses her own chronically overlooked charms as both a woman and a woman of color to make herself seem less threatening than she is until she drives home the point), but. Ricky is sort of a foil to Stede in that he’s an odd duck in aristocratic circles thinking that playing pirates will soothe something in him; the difference is that Ricky is an arrogant bastard down to his bones and has that Rich White Man thing of “if I can’t dominate this field then I will burn it down.” Zheng accidentally handing him the keys to destroying piracy is just. Oof. Ouch. Yikes.

- But!!! BUT!!! Zheng’s plan of “for a livable wage we will stop” is, to my memory, actually historically accurate!! China did have to pay her to stop. Twice, I believe. I might be wrong. I’ll be honest, I just watched the Puppet History episode about her when it came out and did no further research. But I should tbh.

- Patiently waiting for Calypso’s Birthday to be incorporated into the tumblr holiday pantheon. Wish we knew what day it was in-show.

- I looked up Ned Low bc I hadn’t heard of him (and oh the sweet irony in that), and was, I think, rightfully horrified and then greatly anticipatory for what was to come.

- And what do we get? Here’s another fancy lad who treats people as disposable and pokes right at Stede’s most vulnerable spots. And also has the most unhinged one-liners like I’m sorry your death was so well-deserved bc watching him verbally spar across the episode was a surprising delight.

- Not nearly as delightful as Stede dealing with the problem by unionizing Ned’s crew, and Lucius and Pete being the ones left to try and rush in and save the crew (thank goodness Stede had it handled, and OH MY WORD STEDE HAD IT HANDLED)

- Hellkat Maggie! A delight! And possibly historically real? One moment please.

- Holy crap she was! Not a pirate, actually an Irish American gangster in the mid 1800s, but heck!! Filed teeth and everything!

- And while I’m on Wikipedia: Zheng Yi Sao only surrendered/was paid to stop piracy once. But what a dramatic story that makes.

- Anyway can we stop everything to talk about how we got IZZY HANDS SINGING. AND WEE JOHN IN DRAG!!!!

- Also glad to see I wasn’t mistaken, Roach was actually laughing his head off for the torture sequence. Of course he was.

- Fang hanging off the side with the goat though ;A;

- Also a hearty congrats to all the fic writers who not only called that Ed would not handle Stede being tortured well, but who also called that the “going slow” thing. Maybe. Wasn’t gonna last. I have a whole emotional maelstrom going over that so let’s unpack it a bit at a time.

- First, though: the Boatmance throuple dancing. I cry.

- Second: Stede going defensive over not just Ed, but all of his crew. Like a lot over Ed, bc Ned was a grade-A racist classist dick. But Stede’s reaction was not JUST about Ed.

- Also the encouragement of the crew to kill Ned versus Ed’s quiet begging for Stede not to. Because he knew it wasn’t going to rest easy on Stede’s shoulders. And it doesn’t—maybe it’s just me but Stede looks devastated the entire time, not just angry. It’s a Lot. What happened was objectively a Lot.

- Now the juiciest piece of the episode: Going Not Slow (while Izzy sings La Vie En Rose IN FRENCH—side note but for the next installment of my fishing AU, I had it as a note for MONTHS that Ed and Stede would be slow dancing to that song, under a very different emotional context but THAT SONG, because I listened to it out of the blue one day and it just hit me how tender and romantic a song it is and how they deserve a tender and romantic thing, oh my LORD ALMIGHTY)

- First, the elephant in the room: the footage was flipped. Why was it flipped. Why did they do that.

- Second, not sure if Ed is actually nodding at Stede before the kissing starts, but I love to interpret it that way. It’s such a slight movement, could just be natural head bobbing, but. A nod makes it so much sweeter.

- The whole thing being sort of overlaid by the undercurrent of grief, though; Stede isn’t okay, Ed isn’t okay, they aren’t okay and maybe need some comfort and reassurance in and from each other. Certainly an enjoyable way to get it, but it seems to be a subtle theme of the show that words alone and actions alone don’t fix things. They have to work together. Which is how we get a THIRD BREAKUP OKAY GOOD GRIEF BOYS GET IT TOGETHER

- Ed tossing his leathers sort of loses its impact some when you know he’s gonna fish them back up later but. Also. Just sort of builds that anticipation. And deepens the narrative, too—Ed doesn’t want Blackbeard anymore, he doesn’t want that life, but. Other people, Ed included, might NEED Blackbeard for what’s coming. He’s a symbol. A violent and dark one, but that’s piracy itself, too—dark and violent but also a gateway to freedom. The two sides of that coin are a great asset against the coming storm. Because THIS is the storm, Ricky and his navy mates cracking down for good on piracy.

- Also the storm is Ed and Stede’s hurricane of a relationship but uh also life threatening exploding clocks and the Republic of Pirates a sitting duck with a ton of ships and buildings damaged.

- Ed isn’t wrong for wanting to retire though. And Stede isn’t wrong for wanting to continue piracy now that he’s just getting the hang of it. I don’t know the solution. Pretty sure the show does. And I’m even more convinced that with one episode left and the showrunners angling for a third, we’re gonna leave on a pretty big doozy of a cliffhanger, both emotionally and plot-wise.

- Feel a little cheated that we didn’t get to see Stede’s shirt and Ed’s jacket come off before the fade to black but also perfectly content with what we got, euphemistic fireworks and gauzy curtain draw and all. Have I stared too long at the gifs to know that Ed is down to his t shirt and Stede’s trousers fit his waist in a lovely way? Maybe. You can’t prove anything.

- Anyone else screaming internally about how they LEFT THE DOOR OPEN THOUGH.

- I want a full shot of Ed’s pretty teal robe, though. Yummy.

- The domesticity of Ed’s beautiful breakfast in bed is not quite overcome by Stede being half-uncovered while Ed is covered head to toe though. Something something emotional vulnerability states, something something trajectory of relationship

- Bout time Ed got scared by the pace, though. Ed and Stede have swapped places. It doesn’t really suit either of them, and my goodness was it kind of cathartic to watch Zheng beat the crap out of Stede. Because. Let’s be honest: he deserved it. But back to my original point: seems like Ed and Stede are overcorrecting at this stage in their relationship. Came from different worlds, met briefly in the middle, now swinging back out to opposite extremes before coming back to the middle. Other people have said it and will continue to say it better, but. That’s how it seems to me right now.

- The little quiet ways that Izzy is reaching out to Ed and Stede both, though. And bonding with the crew. I love that we get that for him. It would have been just as narratively appropriate for Izzy to sink deeper into his own muck and toxicity, but to show that once given the space to feel safe and vulnerable, it can turn even the most “piratey” character into an actual member of the crew?? Who cracks amazing jokes and does himself up in drag makeup with Wee John and SINGS??? Love that for him. Love the message of that. Love how much that’s reflected in the rest of the crew, too.

- Frenchie getting the crew going on multiple grifts, though. Nice. Niccccce. A+++++.

- SWEDE IS HOT NOW. LOVE IT FOR HIM.

- Jim and Archie helping Oluwande out with Zheng, though. I’m hoping this polycule thrives. Because Jim and Olu deserve so many nice things.

- Stede’s whole fame drunk thing was so painful to watch but ALSO is anyone gonna talk about how Stede was accosted by a Freddy Krueger looking dude?? I hope he survived his (frankly astonishingly hot, pun slightly intended) immolation bc I want him showing up later with knife hands to complete the reference

- Painful to watch but so understandable. Stede letting it all go to his head is so so SO like Ed on the aristocrat ship, just naive and full up on the attention and not ready for that rug pull later.

- FANG AND ROACH TAKING A SELF CARE DAY BY A STREAM I AM SCREECHING

- Ed is absolutely in a panic. Stede is also in something of a panic. They both said things they don’t mean because they both need to have the last word, don’t they. Fishermen and pirates are nothing alike, Ed what even are you talking about. (I know what he’s talking about, I’m choosing to nitpick his choice of metaphor to illustrate he is wrong on both a surface and metaphorical level)

- TALK IT THROUGH AS A CREW MY ASS, STEDE

- Is there anything as attractive as Zheng Yi Sao competently and confidently taking down not just Steak Knife, but Stede? She hasn’t been seen in action all season. Now we get it. And she’s just as banter-prone as Stede, I love that for them. And for us.

- rip steak knife. You will be missed.

- Can’t wait to see Ricky’s pomposity getting smashed in. He’s a mediocre man. You don’t see them coming.

- I know I’m glossing over probably a lot but that was SUCH an episode batch. Such an emotional whiplash. Cannot WAIT to see the finale, and how the story is gonna end with that third season we are pretty please getting please PLEASE.

[mrszeoxin]

Revisiting Mystic Messenger (Zen, Yoosung, and Jaehee)

Full transparency, I played these three routes around April and May this year so they aren’t as fresh in my brain. It was super fun to do, I was totally obsessed with this game in high school. However, out of the three options for the Casual Story I had only played Yoosung’s route before, because he was the only one I wanted to date out of them and he was closest to me in age. So Zen and Jaehee’s stories were totally new to me.

Zen’s Route

Truth be told, I used to low-key hate Zen as a teenager. (Please do not hate me, we all have our preferences, and I married Shane in Stardew Valley so clearly people do not always like my favorites either.)

I just have never been super into the silver/white haired anime guys, plus he does come off a little self centered when you don’t play his route, and he hates cats (which as a extreme cat lover is a actual dealbreaker for me irl). So, I never really gave him the time of day.

So is Zen my type? No, probably not. HOWEVER, I did finally play his route, and I will say after that I do like him a lot more than I used to. Is he my favorite? No. But I actually like him now, and feel bad being mean to him, which never used to be a problem for me before.

I love the development of his and Jumin’s relationship, honestly wish this would happen to them in every route because I love it when we can all be open and get along.

Also his voice actor absolutely amazing. 10/10 great voice. He did an amazing job, I actually looked forward to calling/being called by Zen because he did so great.

Overall, super fun, and I enjoyed it so much more than I ever thought I would. I thought getting through it would suck, and while it was a little cringey to get the good ending, it was overall just such a fun route. So Zen May not be for me, but I see what y’all see in him!

Yoosung’s Route

My baby boy Yoosung. I loved Yoosung in high school and I still love him now. It’s kind of sad that I’m older than him now, but I still love him and his route so freaking much!

Reasons why I’m drawn to/love Yoosung; he’s adorable and I love cute guys, he’s a gamer, he’s more emotional, and he’s overall super relatable. Side note: but those reasons also apply to my husband, so it really is stuff I find attractive in a man.

As a teenager I hadn’t really played World of Warcraft or League of Legends, although I knew of both of them. But since then, I actually have played both which has made Yoosung’s addiction to LOLOL so much more funny and relatable to me, I adore it. I also didn’t notice how much of a masochist and sub Yoosung was when I played as a teen, but as an adult it really smacked me in the face and I found it so amusing whenever it was mentioned so casually in all the routes.

His voice actor also did so good. So many of his calls warmed my heart or made me laugh, even outside his route. I know his voice actor said he was very embarrassed by most of Yoosung’s lines, and I can see why, but I still absolutely adored how he did Yoosung’s voice.

So far with my re-play Yoosung has been my favorite, because I just love him so much and I love his story and development as a character.

Jaehee’s Route

Once again, I did not play her route in high school, simply because I’m not romantically attracted to other women so I didn’t feel like it. Plus, why play that when I could go straight to 707 and Jumin (who I was hardcore crushing on). I knew her route was “platonic”, but again I was a teen and only played a route if I was crushing on the character, so I never played her’s.

This route was honestly the most different from all the ones I’ve played, which makes since as Jaehee is a woman. I honestly didn’t hate this route, I’m glad Jaehee got her freedom and found her own passions. I love that she could embrace her femininity again. Plus it was a little funny watching Jumin self-destruct (I laughed so hard about 707’s car and Jumin).

However, as a Jumin lover, Yoosung lover, 707 lover, cat lover, and “Zen’s okay”-er, I don’t think this route was for me. Mainly because, while I love Jaehee and loved her progress, I don’t feel like we would get along irl. Not because she’s bad, just I don’t think our humor and interests would actually align all that much. I don’t like that she sees Yoosung’s hobby as childish or doesn’t appreciate 707’s jokes, and she also hates cats. So, I just didn’t really vibe with it.

I feel like if you love Zen and/or women, and you maybe don’t like Jumin that much, this route would be perfect for you, but that is not me.

The voice actress was awesome, as they all are. She had a very nice voice that I found strangely calming, and I did actually enjoy the calls a lot. So she did an amazing job.

I love Jaehee, but her route was not meant for me.

Overall Thoughts

I’m sure anyone who reads this has already played of or heard of Mystic Messenger. It came out when I was in high school so it’s not exactly a new game anymore. However, I’ve loved getting to revisit it as an adult. Out of Casual Story Yoosung is still the best for me, but I’m sure he’s not the best of the three for everyone and that’s fine. Just wanted to share some of my thoughts since I replayed it. I’ll be doing the Deep Story route probably in September and October, so I’ll post my revisiting those routes then.

[luzswonderland]

Thoughts on “King’s Tide”

We’re finally here. The finale of season 2. Had to spend a few days re-watching this episode because there was so much to unpack and dissect.  🤯

We start off the episode expanding on the fact that King can hear the thoughts of the Collector from the previous episode.

This was such a cute scene.😊 It’s understandable that everyone is stressed after last episode. After all, you do get “Hangry if you are Hungry.”

Glad we finally get an explanation for where Amity’s nickname “Mittens” comes from. It’s cute.

“We shall wipe out all wild magic forever. Paradise awaits!”-I hate how the general public does not see this as an issue at all. Sometimes the people of the Boiling Isles surprise me. They make it too easy.

The character designs of all the other Coven Leaders are really cool. Especially the leader of Healing Coven.😲

Foreshadowing Point: The show reminds us that Eda can remove her hands in her conversation with Raine.

This scene makes me really sad. It really does display the significance of adolescence and the pains of growing up.

I really want to know how Belos found out about the plan with Raine and Eda. Is there a rat or was it intuition? Both?🤔

We hadn’t seen the key in a while, but I knew the Titan Blood wasn’t enough to set the Collector free. There was literally only one drop left lol

“But you said we were friends. We pinky swore.”-Even though I can see why the Collector was imprisoned, it’s still pretty low of Belos to drag the Collector for this long to betray them this way. I felt bad.

“Have you as my right hand? I’d sooner cut off my whole arm.” “Go find a hole to wither away in.”-OUCH😬. I don’t even like Kikimora like that, but that was brutal. I wish we knew more about Kikimore and Belos’ relationship because this stings. You can say what you want about Kiki, but she was loyal to Belos and did everything she could to make amends for her mistakes.

From a villian’s standpoint, it makes sense why Belos would not release the Collector. It’s been shown that the Collector is very naïve and would most likely give up his knowledge of magic to anyone they favor. Belos is just trying to protect himself.🤷🏾‍♀️ Still very messed up though.

“Why did I make those things so powerful?”-Yeah, Alador why did you?😑

Terra’s grudge on Eda and Raine for 30 years is so petty. I hate how this plan was found out. It was really solid too.

Lowkey glad we got to see the Coven Heads fight. It’s a shame we did not get an episode dedicated to all of them.

I’m glad we got to have a final stand-off with Luz and Phillip. They are technically both in the same situation, but have different perspectives due to their experiences in the Boiling Isles.

Good and quick thinking on Luz for using the “fish-out of water” idea on Phillip. Great way to make him think that he will be at a disadvantage in the Human world.👌🏾

Branding him was an excellent idea too

Phillip’s transformation is kind of cool, I can’t lie.

RAiNE, BeLoS Is GiViNg Us PaRaDiSe, RiGhT? 🙃🙃😐

If I was Raine, I wouldn’t have even responded lol

I really like it when the show was switching from King’s perspective to the general perspective of the show. The show could have easily went back to Amity, Willow, Gus and Hunter normally, but they wanted to show the severity of the situation from King’s eyes. Fantastic!!

It also hints at King’s impending transformation

I really appreciate how Luz was still pleading with Belos to stop the spell even though everything was going to hell. It was crunch time and she was still trying to compromise with a villain. A lot of people may find that annoying, but I find that quite admirable😊

The rest of team LAAWH (plus king) has arrived. I had to add Hunter in the team name somehow 🙃

“But I was always listening.”-Phillip should have done a better job of sound proofing his chambers lol. Maybe then Kikimora wouldn’t have been an asset to King.

“Hunter, why are you hurting me? I only wanted to help you.”-Again with the manipulation.😡Also, the fact that he’s doing this to an altered version of his dead brother makes this whole situation ten times worse and makes me sick. Screw you Belos.☝🏾

I wonder if we will learn more about how Flapjack is connected to Caleb in the next season. We really do need that backstory montage between Phillip and Caleb, even though we already know a decent amount of their story already.

“You look like that bully who put me in here.”-Welp this does not bode well for King. But shoutout to King’s dad for not only trapping the Collector, but making sure that if the Collector is found, that he would not be able to identify King. That’s a parent!

Eda’s skills of deception have really rubbed off on King in the past few years. Even though it wouldn’t be that hard to lie to the Collector😂

This scene was really well done. I loved the colors

Raine is such a good character. They are so honorable. Just let Raine and Eda be happy.

Also Eda lost a hand😓. First, she’s cursed, then she can’t perform magic and now she lost an appendage. EDA!!!😭

This show can be so real sometimes. It shows you that despite how talented the main group is, they are still not good enough to beat Belos. It doesn’t use “The Power of Friendship” message when the show gets really serious and I appreciate that. They are TEENAGES for goodness sakes! They still need more training.

The Collector’s physical introduction is perfect. From the character design, to the dialogue to even the OST. It’s like the writers took all the great things about the show and put into this one character and I love it.

Also this scene right here-10/10!👏🏾

The fact that we see the main crew’s reaction to the introduction of the closest thing considered a god in this series compared with the collector’s childlike nature is💯💯👌🏾👌🏾

Poor Hunter😭He can’t come up with a one-liner to say after a traumatic experience. I don’t blame him.

“Okay. Boop!”-And just like that the Day of Unity is over 😂😂

This is bad. This is very, very bad!

The Collector is very reason why the quote “Great Power, requires great responsibility” was created.-Oof 😓

Looks like Belos is still going to be a problem for Hunter next season because some of his residue got on Hunter 🤢

I really like how Hunter was the one to open the door to the Human Realm. Very symbolic for a lot of things👌🏾

“It’s human rain, it’s okay!”-Appreciate the hesitation of everyone before Gus says that because the Boiling Isles is highkey wild lol.

“Luz, I’m so happy, I had you as a big sister.” ＞﹏＜

This isn’t fair to King. But he has to take responsibility for his actions: Releasing a God. Even though he did this for the greater good, it ultimately lead to a more severe problem. I wish it didn’t have to be this way.😢

Nor is it fair to Luz. She doesn’t get the satisfaction of knowing that her new found family, Eda and King, are safe after this event. This show can be  such a tragedy at times.

The chills I got from this frame alone.😣 The sense of despair from Gus, the shock radiating from on Luz’s expression and the looks of uncertainty on Amity, Hunter and Willow’s faces screams hopelessness. Combined with the fact they appear on Earth on a stormy night depicts the severity of the situation that they are in.

LOL at the shout out to Amphibia tho 😄

 The last scene of the episode. Luz tearing up before the end of the episode just shows that she is one the verge of a breakdown. Our girl has been through a lot of trauma😭😭

Camila is going to have her hands full with not only one teenager, but other four other kids in the house (plus Vee). Titan have mercy on her soul. JK 😂😂. But with the next season, I expect a lot healing to occur for our characters or some healing to have already occurred before we see these characters again because this was a lot.

And there you have it. Season 2 is finally over and the dreadful hiatus begins again. *sigh*  And mostly likely the last one we will be experiencing too *groan*

Expectations for Season 3 (next 3 1-hour specials): I anticipate a time-skip of some sort because starting off right of the bat might not give the characters enough time to unpack the situation. I expect to see Amity, Hunter, Willow and Gus getting used to the human world (very excited for this) and feeling like outsiders just like Luz did on the Boiling Isles. Finally, I hope for a satisfying ending. It does suck how this show had its wings clipped before it could truly soar and maintain massive succes, but I trust in Dana and everyone else working on the show that they will end this story off right. This is a captivating story with great characters.

This season has been a ride and I can’t wait to see what else is in store for these characters. Until then, see you guys at the beginning of season 3. It’s gonna be great!✌🏾

[nyotasaimiri]

Arc Two (redux) 41

((Unorthodox time: switching to Tuesday/Thursday for the duration of September as I begin student-teaching))

The hooded figure didn’t move, but Hadley felt her sword point waver, like something—it couldn’t be her own will—was making her lower it. She snarled and forced it back up. “Stop that, you robed bastard.”

“I am not here to harm you.”

Hadley froze. That voice. It wasn’t a voice. Voices meant sound, and that robed person hadn’t made any. She just heard it anyway, like it had pulled her own thoughts up to form the words. Fear turned her knuckles white. “You get out of my head or I’ll—”

Nyota touched her arm. Hadley subsided. “It is polite to introduce yourself,” Nyota said, fixing the figure with a calm stare, “and to not sneak up on people.”

The figure turned toward her. “It was not my intention to startle.” Hadley saw Nyota’s stifled flinch and realized that she wasn’t just imagining the voice-in-head deal. The figure continued, oblivious to their discomfort. “The winds whisper of what you have done—you have journeyed far, young one.”

There it was again—the silent wall Nyota always put up when someone asked a question she didn’t like. This time it was real subtle; Hadley wouldn’t have noticed it if she hadn’t been watching for it. “I am a starship captain,” the apex said with an indulgent smile. “I should hope I have traveled far indeed.”

Buzzing echoed in her head. Hadley winced. Was this thing trying to laugh? They weren’t very good at it.

“And you will travel farther.”

The thought-voice rang deeper in Hadley’s mind; she had heard an old avian woman use a tone like that one before, words like these. Something odd seemed to lift just under her lungs, pushing her breath out in a rush. It felt like prophecy. She didn’t like it.

Around them, the sparse crowd kept milling past. No one even spared them a glance. It was like they didn’t even see the three people tucked into that alcove, the drawn sword in Hadley’s hand. It felt like one of those dreams Hadley got when she was a child, the kind where her feet were stuck in stone and her brothers just kept playing. Where no one could hear her.  

Nyota dropped the wall. Her voice was low, dangerous, and Hadley clung to it, because it was real. “Explain, before I take your words as a threat.”

Buzzing again. It was definitely a laugh, but not… unkind, Hadley realized. “There are still doors you have yet to open,” they said, and extended an empty, gloved hand. “Doors like that will need keys.”

Nyota’s bristling fur softened, the snarl dying in her throat. “Is… this an offer?”

The red lights under the hood winked out for a long moment. “Yes. I can trade keys with you, if you wish to open the Ancient Gates scattered among the stars.” They waved a hand vaguely upward, indicating the floor above. “You know where to find me. You felt me there before.”

Her captain froze. Hadley touched her arm. “Captain?”

“That was you.” Nyota’s voice was quiet, far quieter than Hadley had heard it in months. “I felt you watching me.”

The stranger nodded. “There is a light in you, young one, too much for you. You feel it now.”

“Do you also—” Nyota caught herself, shook her head. “No. You don’t. You’re just an echo, aren’t you?”

This time it was a real laugh, pulled into Hadley’s thoughts through the memory of every laugh she loved, from her brother Danni’s high all-but-cackle to Sonny’s sparkling fizz to her captain’s deepest chuckle. She caught herself laughing along before remembering that this guy had snuck up on them and forcing a glower back to her face. But the thought-laughing continued unabated.

“I am an echo,” the figure agreed, “and I am so glad to finally be heard. Go, finish your business. You did not come here to talk to me.”

The cloaked figure turned and walked away. Hadley let out a breath she’d forgotten she was holding when she heard their robes brush and scuff softly against the ground. She almost couldn’t believe they made noise. Then reality snapped back in her face. “Dammit! Captain,” she said, whirling to face the grey apex, “we forgot!”

“Forgot what?” Nyota’s eyes were still on the door.

“We have to ask who they are! Or what, even.” Hadley’s hands moved wildly with her pent-up fear, excitement even, from this brush with the crazy unknown. “Don’t you ever read any mystery novels?”

Nyota watched them go. Her eyes were soft, her face almost wistful. “No, Hadley. I won’t ask that.” She tucked a sidelock back behind her ear and lowered her gaze. “There are some answers I am not meant to know.” She smiled, like a dreamer waking out of some sweet but already gone dream. “Come. We did come here on business.”

[martianbugsbunny]

OUAT Thoughts Pt.74--Episodes 19-20

I have watched through S7E20; spoilers DNI. Also, spoiler warning for anyone further behind than I am.

I’m gonna miss having to ask spoilers to DNI. If there’s one show I wish I could watch from scratch for a second time, it’s Once Upon A Time. But the idea of not having it rattling around in my brain is also kinda sad, so I guess it’s for the best that I can’t.

—Holy sh*t this sh*t is batsh*t crazy.

—Time travel?!?!! It isn’t bad enough that we had a curse and memory loss but it also had to be time travel?

—TWO RUMPLESTILTSKINS?!?!? Woooow. One of them is the good version of Rumple who’s had character growth and one of them is the Dark One version of him who still burns down villages and says “dearie.” Honeys I am just living. Large. Two Rumples in the same place. Wow.

—I love that basically the first thing Hook did when he remembered who he was, was staring in disgust at his false hand. Icon.

—Actually, there’s technically three Rumples in the same world right now. Once again, wow.

—It’s so sad that when everyone got back their memories, Hook had to be loaded into an ambulance and Rumple was all balonely.

—I’m even less emotionally prepared for Hook dying than I am for Rumple dying. If Hook dies I will never recover. I will cry my body weight in tears and flood my neighborhood. So if a random Midwestern town goes underwater for no apparent reason in the next couple o days, y’all heard it here first.

—Those wood nymphs were pretty. I like how they went for the turquoise instead of standard green, and the red clothing was a brilliant touch. Great color palette.

—I’m now mad at fictional ancient humans and Gothel for wrecking Earth’s magic. How dare they take that from us? They made our world so boring.

—I adore Alice for choosing love over hate. She is such a beautiful little lady, and she’s so clever.

—Her little origami white rabbit in her little origami mushroom forest was cute. I’m soft for handicrafty people to begin with, and add that to bunnies being my fave animal and Wonderland being my fave book, and you get a whole lot of being soft for Alice.

—Family stakeouts are the best.

—Kudos to Rumple for doing the right thing and helping Regina try to restore Henry’s memory. He messed up, yes, but he did his best to make it right, and what’s more he actually apologized.

—I’m very glad he and Regina seem to have reached an amiability because them being shady pals together makes me happy.

—I love the friendly, companionable way Hook said “crocodile” when he got his memories back. It went from *loathing, hatred, saying it is like a curse on your very soul* to *cute, almost fond nickname*

—In case you hadn’t guessed, I’m low-key still on my CaptainCroc kick and in a little while I’m about to make it everyone’s problem. I can’t decide if I’mma wait until I watch through the show again (which is going to happen, because I’ve discovered that I can no longer live without these characters) so I can get as much detail in each season as I have for the seventh, or if I’m gonna shoot my best shot sooner. Probably should’ve started with this, but I’m building a CaptainCroc AU that’s basically just the canon story but CaptainCroc. I have like five drafted posts for it at this point, because I’m waiting to post the headcanons until I post the AU itself, and nobody asked to hear any of this right now but I’m enjoying writing the stuff.

—If you got through that last RKO outta nowhere chunk, here 🫶🙌👏 You deserve heart hands, a high five, and applause. That was a tangent and a half.

—Is Facilier really dead? I must say, I’m a little bit disappointed with how he turned out. They got the aura right; the flickering lights in his presence, the cards (though he could’ve done with a bit more slight-of-hand), and the stuff in the episode where he was introduced was really choice. But they didn’t use him soon enough. We should’ve wasted less time on Tremaine and Drizella, who turned out to be pretty meaningless anyway, and more time on him. Although I will concede that, as the guy working in the shadows, he does work well *alongside* other villains, because that kind of character doesn’t necessarily work great as a singular big bad.

—I like the casting for him tho. Facilier in the movie is interesting because he’s skinny, verging on scrawny; he’s not physically intimidating at all. Compare him to a badguy like Scar from the Lion King. Scar has green eyes, sharp claws, a devious expression, all signs that we’re not supposed to trust him, maybe even that we should fear him. Facilier is a much more neutral-looking fellow, so any sense of fear or apprehension about him comes only from the narrative. But I actually enjoy that he’s a bigger guy in this show, because a crime baron should be someone who’s intimidating through appearance alone. Especially considering it took us a long time to build up to him using magic, giving him a broader, more imposing physique worked to his advantage.

—Also, the dude’s voice is lovely.

—When he’s around people like Alice and Hook, Rumple is really gentle and I’m all here for it. When Hook asked who he was, Rumple smoothed it over without brushing it aside, because he figured the whole truth would probably make Hook more upset. He was also very good with Hook when he’d just escaped the witches and was agitated. Gentle Rumple is yet another laddie I’m soft for.

—I love the parenting in this show. I mean, bad or shaky parenting is also one of the core elements of the story, which is a good counterpoint, but the good parenting is really good. Regina is incredibly supportive of Henry. She makes it clear that his feelings are valid and that he is heard, and I must stan her for it.

—I was gonna say “if Gothel is gone, and Facilier is dead, who’s gonna be the finale villain?” but I just had the terrible, horrible, no good very bad thought that it might be Wish Realm Rumple. Worst case scenario? He kills Rumple, then dies when Alice takes the power from him as the Guardian. Watching two Rumples die in the span of two episodes might end me.

—Can we get some Storybrooke please? If I have to be incredibly sad, then I’d at least like to see the Charmings again.

—Once again, this show is giving me mega Ever After epilogue vibes. “The point, gentlemen, is that they lived.”

—My mom just proposed that the Rumple in Storybrooke will die, and then Alice will take the dagger from Rumple and he’ll become mortal, and *then* he and Belle will grow old and die together and honestly that’s pretty much a same-level sucker punch to the feels, but for different reasons. Watch us both be wrong and the real end be much worse than either of us can imagine.

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

original idea, m | kth

pairing(s): taehyung x reader

summary: Your boyfriend, Kim Taehyung, is observant. He noticed you started your period today and picked up your favorite can of sweet Thai tea on his way back from visiting his best friend Park Jimin. How nice of him until he asks you mid-gulp if he can go in raw.

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; unprotected period sex, do not do this unless you absolutely trust the other person; established relationship; low-key crack; lots of fluff; shower smut (fem reader is on her period, handjob, unprotected, wall sex, creampie, doggy); non-idol!BTS, ft Jimin putting ideas in Taehyung's head, who would have guessed

--

“You started your period today.”

You cracked open the can of Thai tea you boyfriend handed you. “Yeah, how’d you know?”

“I saw the pad wrapper in the trash.”

“Oh.”

You took a large sip, thinking the conversation was over.

“Does that mean I can go in raw?”

You nearly spit out the entire contents of your mouth. Instead, you choked and swallowed hard, coughing and sputtering. “What?”

Kim Taehyung expression didn’t change. “Does that mean I can go in–?”

You held up your hand, coughing wildly, hacking the words out. “I heard what you said, I just can’t believe you said it, who the fuck?”

Taehyung seemed to understand and nodded, dark brown hair falling over his forehead.

“Oh, right. I was talking to Jimin and he mentioned–”

Oh, of course, how could you not guess, Taehyung’s best friend Park Jimin was putting ideas in Taehyungie’s little noggin and now murdering you as you struggled to breathe.

“–that it could be possible, because you’re right, it’s too early to have kids and having a monetary plan to prepare is a better idea–”

You were glad that Taehyung was interested in finances when it came to having children but he sure picked a weird ass time to agree with your sensibilities.

“–but I love having sex with you, so I was telling Jimin I haven’t been in raw yet and I completely understand that you prefer condoms over hormones since that might affect your mental state and I don’t like the idea of only you doing something like that to yourself anyway, it doesn’t seem fair–”

You were still processing the fact that Taehyung had told Jimin he hadn’t been in raw. What the fuck?! At least he loved having sex with you. You were staring at Taehyung slack-jawed, but he was scrunching up his face, trying to remember the rest of the conversation.

“–and Jimin mentioned, ‘hey, at least you can do it when she’s on her period, it’ll add more lubrication and it might even be better for her,’ so I was wondering if we could try it, if you’re interested.”

Silence.

You still hadn’t picked your jaw off the floor.

Taehyung opened his eyes and smiled at you. “Hm? What do you think?”

Okay, you very much enjoyed Taehyung’s eager, boxy smile, so that unfroze you, but you still blurted out your next question in sheer shock.

“Why did you tell Jimin you’ve never been in raw?!”

He blinked, tilting his head. “It just came up.”

You looked around, expecting Jimin to pop out and tell you you’ve been pranked. He did not.

“…. H-How…? Actually, don’t tell me, I’m going choose ignorance…” you mumbled, now taking another long sip of your Thai tea, but more like a swig and wishing it was forty-percent alcohol.

“But what do you think though?” Taehyung persisted, leaning down with his tilted head to try and catch your eye. “Do you wanna try? It might be nice!”

You looked down.

Someone was thinking about it for sure.

You looked back up.

Taehyung smiled at you innocently with a massive tent in his pants.

You stared into those big brown eyes and sighed.

“Ah… probably not. It’s going to be so messy and dirty and cleaning up is going to be such a bitch… I’m sorry, Tae, but I don’t think…”

-

“So…”

You stood under the showerhead, your hair wet and sticking to your forehead.

“So.”

Hey, in your defense, you were also curious.

Taehyung chewed on his lip, watching you inquiringly. “Hey, we don’t have to. I was being kinda pushy… but…”

You scratched your head, moving your wet hair out of your eyes. “Ah, it’s okay, I understand, I just… it feels wrong, you know? Aren’t you grossed out?”

He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Mmm, at first? But the more I think about it, the more I think, well, isn’t it natural? And you have to deal with it every month for many, many years, right? Plus, when we have children, they’re going to come out of you slightly, erm…” He made a little bit of a face but shook his head, spraying water everywhere from his dark wet hair. “Anyway, it’s not too bad. We’re in the shower. You like it when we do stuff in the shower,” Taehyung added brightly.

You contained your laughter, giving him a hopeless smile. “Why are you acting so weird?”

Now Taehyung turned red, his deep tan skin flushing, eyes shifting from side to side. “Um…”

You tilted your head.

He shot you a quick glance and mumbled under his breath.

“Idon’tknowhowlongI’mgonnalastIalreadydon’tlastthatlong.”

“What?”

He chewed on his lip.

“Nothing.”

“Oh.”

You reached up and pushed your hair back, swimsuit-supermodel style, and now Taehyung was doing more than glancing, he was observing very closely and very intently under wet strands of dark brown hair, curling around his strong features and moody brown eyes, his lips parting slightly, probably unnoticed on his part.

Looking like a fish wasn’t exactly an image Taehyung himself considered sexy.

Secretly, you enjoyed it because it meant he wasn’t conscious of what he looked like and was too distracted by your actions and your body to do so.

You smiled. “Why were you talking to Jimin about something like that anyway?”

Taehyung stiffened as you neared, biting his lip. “Ah, well…” He frowned slightly. “You’re so good at certain… things… It’s kind of frustrating for me… sometimes. I want to be better.”

Now you hesitated. “What are you talking about? Haven’t I taught you a lot of things? And you learn quickly and are amazing once you get the hang of it.”

His lips twisted into a small pout.

“For once, I’d like to teach you something.” He let out a small puff. “Or at least suggest something you’ve never heard of before.”

You blinked at him.

“Er… going in raw isn’t exactly a new concept… rather… that’s the original idea of dick and pussy in the first place…”

Taehyung scrunched up his face. “I know that, argh… I just mean… ah…” He trailed off, baritone voice now unsure and unsteady.

You saw he was rapidly losing confidence and you placed a hand on his chin, lightly lifting it with your knuckle. “Hey, no, I didn’t mean it like that. I want to try it. I just thought you wouldn’t like it, because… I mean… Period blood isn’t sexy per se… And I’m certainly not sexy during that time of the month…” You frowned uneasily, lowering your hand, but now Taehyung raised your chin, smiling at you.

“Don’t be silly. You’re always sexy.”

He leaned in, smile morphing into a smirk.

“Also, your boobs get bigger during that time of month, so I always appreciate that.”

Your eyes widened. “You noticed?”

Taehyung raised an eyebrow. “Of course, I noticed. I keep close tabs on your boobs.”

“Close tabs? Do you record the size in a notebook or something?”

He chuckled, tapping his temple with his free hand, the other sliding down your chin, tracing the contours of your neck and collarbones. “Mental notes. I remember all the important stuff. Your boobs are on the top of the list.”

Your cut in with your inquiring quips. “My ass? My mouth? My hands? My pussy?”

Taehyung frowned slightly and placed his large hand on your breast, kneading it as if he needed comfort. “Okay, near the top, but don’t make me order them, it’s too difficult.”

You grinned. “That makes me feel better.”

He breathed out in relief. “Whew, that’s good–mphf!”

You seized the moment and pushed him into the wall, pressing your wet body into his, your tongue snaking out and lightly flicking against his lips, taking advantage of his surprise and the beauty of his widened eyes to kiss him firmly, falling into his warmth. It took him a second to compose himself, tipping his head down to take charge of the kiss, squeezing your breast and running his thumb over your hard nipple, but you placed your palms flat on the shower wall and resisted him, dancing your tongue between his lips and not letting him catch it, smirking at the growl he made in frustration.

“We were having a moment,” he muttered.

“Mmm, I know, but I want my moment with him.”

Your fingers ghosted his thigh and he sucked in a breath as your hand closed around his cock, not quite hard yet but getting there, especially after your hand came into contact with it. You feathered kisses on his lips as you stroked his length, nice and slow, his other hand coming up to cup both breasts, panting softly, hot breath on your lips.

“You’re too quick…”

“Can’t waste too much water,” you chuckled. “And…”

You kissed up his jaw, adjusting your body to get a better angle, licking his skin lightly and feeling the vibration and depth of his moan under your tongue and lips, whispering gently into his ear.

“It’s kind of hard to focus when you’re so handsome, Tae.”

He let you have the moment, tipping his head down so your teeth could catch his ear, nipping at it lightly, contrasting with the pace of your hand, firm and intense, shivering at the thickness and the weight in your palm, savoring the taste of his skin, moaning into his ear, long and sensual, everything he liked and more, his head turning, black-brown eyes looking down at you under lashes covered in small droplets, adding to his already ethereal appearance.

“Let me…”

He leaned in, not finishing his sentence, kissing you long and deep and sweet, changing your positions, but you didn’t let go, toying with his tongue. He made a small tch sound of annoyance, shifting his hips, picking up one of your legs.

“Ah, w-wait…”

“Why?” he chuckled. “You don’t wanna wait. I can tell.”

You tried to hide the smirk, but it came out.

Smugness just refused to be hidden.

Taehyung grinned against your lips. “Thought so.”

Your hand was already guiding him. “This isn’t going to be the optimal position for you to cum.”

“Good.”

You raised an eyebrow and he thrust up into your pussy.

You sucked in a breath, relaxing yet still stretched out. It did hurt slightly. Taehyung was sizable after all, in length and girth, but you had practice and muscle memory, and maybe (definitely) a pain kink.

What? It was fun getting stuffed with dick.

Especially when it was Taehyung’s dick.

You? You were fine.

Taehyung?

“Oh, fuck…!”

Er, maybe not?

He had such a cocky expression beforehand but the second he entered you, it instantly changed, sudden tension in his strong features, gasping as he slid in, surprisingly much easier than you expected, perhaps due to the consistency of the slippery blood, almost stopping halfway, but you didn’t let him, firmly grabbing his hips and yanking him towards you, his eyes rolling back, whining your name loudly, the volume and depth reverberating in the bathroom.

“You’re so t-tight… fuck… soft… oh, shit…”

You let him run through every expletive he knew, holding him firmly by his juicy ass, enjoying it too much, but thankfully Taehyung didn’t notice, eyes closed, head thrown back, dark wet hair curling around his cheekbones. He reached up and pushed it away from his face, exhaling hard, slowly opening his eyes, hazy and unfocused.

“Fuck… it feels so fucking good, you have no idea…” he shuddered, twitching inside you and moaning once more, body shaking so he had to plant his hands on the walls of the shower, volume increasing as you pulsed your muscles around his length. There was slight pain from cramps, but not from his cock, and you could ignore the dull ache and focus on the pleasure, slowly moving your hips and biting your lip, feeling the added slickness of your juices mixing with the blood.

You often cursed your period’s arrival, but maybe it was time to reconsider.

Always good to find the silver lining in things.

“Taehyung…”

You rolled your hips and he gasped, thrusting back lightly.

“Don’t wanna hurt you,” he panted, swallowing hard. “Shit, it feels so fucking good, I can’t t-think…”

“I’ll tell you if it hurts,” you managed to say, pressing your hands into his ass and angling yourself to take him deeper, shoulder blades and head touching the shower wall, sighing in satisfaction.

“Alright, I’m gonna…”

He clenched his jaw, faster, harder, one hand coming down to grab a handful of your ass, you wrapping a leg around his and meeting him in the middle, increasing the depth of each thrust, both of you gasping at the tightness and the wetness, the messy slap and squelch echoing in the bathroom, water raining down on his broad back and spraying onto your chest, clenching around him so he could feel more, his eyelids fluttering, biting his lower lip, tendons on his neck popping out, and you realized he was trying not to cum, trying to hold back, so you gave his stiff length a particularly firm squeeze and Taehyung groaned, barely able to shoot you an incredulous look.

You grinned.

“I’m gonna cum, fuck!”

You felt it, his cock twitching and spilling into you, eyes widening at the sensation, not quite as strong as porn seemed to make it, but noticeable for sure, pushing out your juices in a rough sputter, loud and obscene, flinching as Taehyung’s hand quickly moved down, rubbing your clit, making you squirm and twist of his cock, almost falling off but he kept his other hand on your ass, digging his nails into the softness, holding you in place.

“Come on, come on, come on–”

It didn’t take much, you were already turned on by the fucking and then the sensation of being filled up, and you cried out, trying not to move your hips, the high peaking.

“Tae, fuck!”

Hot shivers and burning electricity tearing through your veins, jerking your hips forward and tightening around his cock, harsh throbs racking your body you came, pussy squeezing so hard that you felt his cock stiffen again, swelling and growing inside you as your orgasm roughly roused him back to life, both of you moaning at the sensation, feeling his cum and yours drip down your thigh, hearing it plop thickly onto the bathtub below and wash away, stunning both you and him at the lewd noise.

“Whoa…”

You panted hard, letting out a tense puff as he slid out of you.

“That felt… so fucking good…”

You thought for a moment, catching your breath. The pain your felt was only from cramps, although it seemed to be less now. Was that the ibuprofen? Or the euphoria of orgasm? You paused on consider the differences, chewing on your lip thoughtfully.

“I think for me it’s about the same? You feel very similar with and without a condom.”

Taehyung shook his head. “Not for me, you feel way better, I don’t know how I can go back, the condom is seriously a nerf…” he mumbled.

You shifted your eyes. “You didn’t last… the longest.”

His ears turned red.

“W… Well…”

“My pussy is pretty overpowered, maybe she needs the nerf.”

He sighed, frowning. “True… I still stand by the fact that it physically feels better, but more time to enjoy does even it out…”

You tapped your fist in your other palm. “Oh! Let’s do it from behind.”

He blinked. “Eh?”

But you were already turning around, Taehyung stumbling back, pushing the showerhead out of the way and pointing it towards the wall so he didn’t drown, audibly gasping as you bent over and presented your ass, hands spreading open your pussy with one fluid motion. You turned your head back and grinned.

“Yes?”

“Oh, fuck, yes.”

You felt him position the head against your opening and he pushed in, slow, steady, both you of moaning at the feeling, centimeter by centimeter, this position tighter, more heavenly, giving you added control over your muscles so you could pulsate around him. He inhaled sharply, gripping your hips and forcefully pushing in the rest of the way, bottoming out, balls smacking your clit.

“Stop t-that, fuck…”

You let go of your ass and placed one hand on the edge of the bathtub and the other on the wall.

Then you rocked your hips back.

“Ah, yes, Tae…”

“Are you trying to kill me? Oh, shit!”

You continued and Taehyung had no choice, fiercely grabbing your hips to try and get you to stop, but you were undeterred, so he had to ram his cock into you, exactly what you wanted, the sudden sensation of the head hitting you deeply rendering your speechless, and he had no time to gloat, too driven by lust and pleasure to taunt you even if he wanted to.

“A-ah, it’s good like this too, oh, fuuuck, yes, you always feel so fucking tight…”

He had a good rhythm and pace like this, deep, controlled, fast, making sure to give you the powerful thrusts you liked, loud, audible smacks of hips to ass, rough and wet, and you knew you had his cum inside you now along with yours and the added slickness of your period, and, sure, maybe someone found it gross, but in this second (and lucky all subsequent seconds involving this very behavior that would certainly continue at least once a month) you nor Taehyung gave a single fucking shit, pleasure flaring up your core, the dull ache of cramps forgotten, completely focused on the feeling of his cock entering you over and over, your hand on the wall curling into a fist, hitched breaths and flinching shivers taking over, clenching around him, oh fuck, his rock-hard, thick length plunging into your tight, wet hole, too much, so good, your thighs tensing from the overwhelming proximity of release.

“Taehyung, oh, fuck, you’re so good at f-fucking me…”

You could tell he wasn’t talking on purpose, probably clenching his jaw to last as long as possible, but he wasn’t going to last much longer because you smacked your palm into the tile wall, gasping his name loudly, shot into free-fall.

“Gonna cum, fuck!”

That was all the warning he got as your walls spasmed, brutally massaging his cock and he hissed your name, turning into a half-moan, half-whine as he yanked your hips down and slammed into your pussy, fully sheathing himself all the way up to his balls, his cock jolting and spilling his orgasm into you, his hands on your ass shaking so bad they seemed to be vibrating, gripping tighter and tighter, rolling his hips inside you and moaning, prolonging the euphoric feeling.

“S-So good… ah, yeeeeeees…”

It took him a while to still, breathing loud and hard, holding you in the bent over position, the additional time getting slightly awkward, but you waited it out, his grip finally loosening, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you up, your pussy too wet and his cock giving up, sliding out, a mess of juices splattering out of you.

Good thing you were in the shower. Easy to clean up.

“It’s… too good…” Taehyung huffed, broad shoulder leaning against the wall to hold himself up, still clinging onto you. “Your pussy does need a nerf, but, fuck, I’m still gonna think about it all the time…”

“Good thing for you that my period lasts at least five days.”

Taehyung looked up to the sky and whispered his gratitude.

“I know you kind of hate it, but I’m still going to thank them.”

“Maybe I have a reason to hate it a little less now. It’s still inconvenient.”

“Yeah, but going in raw…”

Mmm, yeah, that still sounded weird. Oh well.

“You’re not going to tell Jimin, right?”

-

“You let him go in raw?!”

“Taehyung!”

--

masterpost

[idkthisisjustforfanfic]

not a (family) date

story page | talk to me/join the tag list | the playlist

wc: 6.3k

PART 9

You looked around the bar briefly, saw him in the corner when he offered a quick wave. Twelve steps over, a smile on his face when you shrugged out of your jacket.

“Can’t believe I’m saying this, but I wish we were in London.”

“Why?” you settled on the stool across from him, took the cocktail menu that he slid across the table.

“Because then I’d at least get to greet you a little, y’know, with the cheek kiss thing,” he shrugged, biting back a laugh. “Here I can’t even kiss my girlfriend or else it’ll be all over the newsstands by morning.”

You made a face at him and smirked, “well it’s not the 1950s, so…it’d be on DeuxMoi and it would be instantaneous.”

“They don’t have printing presses anymore?” He played dumb.

“No, grandpa,” you rolled your eyes. “They don’t.”

“Wow,” he pulled his head back at your words and smiled. “You’re feisty tonight.”

“I’m not feisty,” you laughed, amping up the theatrics, “I’m just glad that I survived SNL.”

“You had the easiest job of the night,” he reminded, “just sit there and look good.”

“Right,” you agreed coyly, “but Kailyn also told me today that despite you making age jokes, there hasn’t been a huge surge of negative stuff.”

“Negative stuff?”

“Headlines, stories, anything that’s basically shitting on us.”

“Right,” he nodded. “The stuff we don’t want.”

So far it hadn’t been anything out of the norm:

Y/N L/N supports Jason Sudeikis for SNL host gig!

Jason jokes about Y/N L/N age gap in SNL monologue

Y/N L/N seen in Jason Sudeikis’ Brooklyn neighborhood!

Getting serious? Y/N L/N at SNL after party after Jason Sudeikis hosts

“This place is quiet though,” you looked around the room, a hidden pub on the lower east side, Maddy came for a date and said it’d definitely be a pap-free spot. “Low-key.”

“It is,” he looked over the menu.

“Let’s keep it that way…”

He looked up at you, narrowed his eyes when he realized you were still watching him. “Are you implying that I’m not low-key?”

“You get a little loud sometimes,” a smile. “Which is fun, almost always--except when we’re in public and trying to keep a low-profile.”

“A low-profile?” he said, his voice getting louder when you let out a laugh. “You? A famous songwriter and a beautiful woman who’s--”

You reached across the table and pushed your hand against his mouth. “Shut up,” you laughed.

“I can’t--” he said with a shrug of his shoulders, holding your hand to his mouth when he kissed your palm. “I just like you so much I want everyone to know it.”

“Isn’t that supposed to be romantic?”

“It is romantic,” he made a face, offended that you didn’t see it that way.

You fought the smile that crept onto your cheeks. “Not when you’re being annoying about it.”

“Well…I mean it,” he said with a solemn nod, a shift in demeanor when he smiled a little.

You smiled, tugged your eyes down to the menu, mostly avoiding the rush of adrenaline that was sure to come. A few seconds of silence when you scanned the options, moscow mule, pomegranate martini, red sangria, gin and tonic.

“Can’t believe it’s late October.”

“I know,” you looked up at him. “The years start coming and they don’t stop coming,” you quoted Smash Mouth with a smirk.

“You’re old enough to know that song?” he teased.

“Yeah I was, like, six or seven when it came out.”

“In 1999? Jesus fucking Christ.”

“Yeah,” you spun it into another joke. “Oh my god--wait, did I not tell you…that you’re old?”

“Very funny,” he rolled his eyes, another laugh when he shifted back to his original point. “But--regarding the time of year.”

“Yeah?”

“I was just, uh, wondering…what are your Thanksgiving plans?”

“Oh,” you blinked a few times. “I don’t know--I hadn’t really thought that far ahead, truthfully. I have a writing trip the week after, I think to Nashville.”

He nodded.

“Why?”

“I just didn’t know if you were around. I talked to Liv the other day about it briefly, trying to figure out what to do.”

Now you nodded, unsure which words to piece together to make you present as casually curious. “Right, yeah. Do you--are you gonna spend it with her?”

He smiled a little. “I don’t know, I mean, my sister typically hosts. Might just go there, see if the kids want to come.”

Without you. Got it.

“That sounds fun,” you smiled.

“Yeah, I mean--I could talk to Liv and see if she wants to do something else with them, if you wanted to do something together.”

A ball of nerves in your gut, “us?”

“Yeah,” he smiled. “Us. Unless, you know--I’m too old for you.”

You smirked, offering a challenging glare across the table. “You are.”

“I am?”

A shrug, pulling back a bit when you realized how much you were starting to risk. “I typically do something with my parents, my brothers.”

“Oh,” he nodded. “So you’re booked?”

“Spend it with your kids,” you leveled. “It’s fine, you should see them.”

You swore you saw the relief wash over him.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive,” you nodded.

He left it there, sipped a cocktail across from you and stole a few bites from your plate. He offered to come home with you, I have nowhere to be tomorrow. You stepped out from the restaurant and onto the sidewalk, his eyebrows furrowed when he took your hand in his.

“Hey, by the way, what’s DeuxMoi?”

“Oh god,” you laughed. “You don’t want to know.”

**

Okay…so bringing him to a funeral wasn’t on your list of romantic things to do. But it wasn’t your fault your grandfather died.

You got the call on a Tuesday morning, early November, the ringing of your phone woke you up and it only took a few words for Jason to peel his eyes open, concern on his face. Okay, yeah, thanks for letting me know.

You didn’t need him to come, in most ways it felt too serious or too dramatic. After all, your grandfather wasn’t always the nicest of guys and thanks to Natalie and Janelle flaunting their status as celebrity cousins, the news broke quickly that the services were set for Saturday at 2pm. Kailyn had already warned you: paparazzi will probably be there, but we’ll get a security detail and make sure you all have your privacy.

For a day or two you were convinced you shouldn’t even go: it would cause too much of a scene, create too much talk in your family about how Y/N can’t come anywhere without bodyguards.

Your brothers rolled your eyes when you told them. Fuck them, they’re stupid, you’re coming.

Nolan and Andrew were already at your parents house when you sat in the passenger seat of Jason’s car and crossed the GW bridge.

Nolan (8:02am): I’m taking a shot if Natalie brings a date.

Andrew (8:04am): We’re all taking two shots if Natalie brings a date.

Y/N (8:05am): shit…is this not a plus one type event?

Nolan (8:06am): Is he coming with you????

Andrew (8:06am): No fucking way

Nolan (8:07am): If you’re bringing Jason to grandpa’s funeral we’re all taking five shots

Y/N (8:07am): No one is doing shots

Y/N (8:07am): At least not until the luncheon thing

You laughed at the playful exchange, Jason peered at you out of the corner of his eye.

“Sorry,” you said, clicking your phone shut. “My brothers are being dumb.”

“No need to apologize,” he smiled. “Grief does weird shit to people.”

“Yeah, well--they’re already planning how to get drunk, so.”

He nodded, an impressed look on his face when he let out a laugh. “Okay, so give the rundown. Who are the players we’re talking about?”

You sighed, heard Mia’s voice in the back of your head: let him go with you, he’s your boyfriend, that’s what he should do.

“Well, Nolan and Andrew, my brothers.”

“Right.”

“Andrew’s older than me, he’s thirty. His wife is Lena, she’s pregnant, due in December, actually. Nolan is twenty-six.”

“Got it.”

“There will not be quizzes on age,” you clarified.

“Okay,” he nodded. “Is Nolan single?”

“Yes, because he’s a loser,” you said quickly. You were close with both of your brothers. As the middle child and as the only girl, you’d learned at a young age how to hold your own. Apparently under higher levels of stress, you were willing to put Nolan down when he wasn’t even in earshot.

Jason laughed a little, “noted. Okay, keep it coming.”

“My mom is Leanne, my dad is Jim.”

“Right. Leanne likes furniture and interior decorating and…”

“Upholstery, specifically,” you prompted.

“Mmm, I knew I was on the right path,” he said. “And Jim likes hiking, bonus points if I weave Murphy into the conversation.”

You glanced out the window, New Jersey in view. “Yep--he’ll probably show you pictures, honestly. I think he’s more proud of that dog than he is of my career.”

He laughed at that. “Okay, so after ‘nice to meet you, sir,’ it’s ‘hey, how do you feel about beagle-hound mixes?’”

“If you call him sir, he…might not love that.”

He looked confused by this, anxiety written on his face until you let out a short laugh.

“He’s only, like, thirteen years older than you, right? He could be your brother.”

“Great--so I have no social skills and I’m old.”

“Well, we knew you were old,” you reached over to grab his hand, offered a teasing smile when he gave you an unimpressed glare. “They’ll like you, just don’t make any age jokes.”

“People love those jokes,” he pouted.

“Right--strangers, the internet, those people. This is my family we’re talking about.”

“Okay, okay,” he relented. “Who else?”

“My aunt Carla, uncle Kevin--those are Janelle’s parents. And her sister is Julia.”

“Do we like Julia?”

“She’s okay,” you shrugged. “She’s been way more normal about me getting famous, so that’s good.”

“And who’re Natalie’s parents?”

“Natalie’s parents are Hugh and Cindy. Only child. This is my dad’s side, by the way.”

“Got it.”

Quiet for a second, you picked a fuzz off your black tights and adjusted the dress your stylist had found in the back of your closet. It had already been an early day, Helen had showed up early to help with hair and make up, you sipped a coffee that Jason had brought from the kitchen when you sat in her chair.

Waterproof mascara, but you hoped you wouldn’t need it.

It wasn’t that you didn’t like your grandfather--it was more that you didn’t know him too well. He always seemed to like your brothers more, he had more in common with them, as your mom would say. He sent birthday cards and would ask how the music business was when your dad would pass him the phone.

But fame had made you feel like an outsider in your own extended family, and today would likely be no different.

“Hey,” he said, pulling your attention back. “I’m glad I’m here.”

You turned to see him, a playful smirk when you reminded: “you might not feel that way after you get bombarded with questions or selfies or--after Janelle hits on you, probably.”

“A funeral would be no place to try to pick someone up.”

“It won’t stop her,” you muttered. “But anyway, I appreciate you coming. I hope it’s not too…weird.”

“No, no,” he smiled, “I love funerals, in a not weird way.”

“You are so obnoxious,” you bit back a smirk.

“I mean it,” he defended. “Beautiful churches, good food, drunk people--they’re typically pretty good.”

“Please don’t say this kind of shit to my family,” you laughed.

“Oh, I was going to open with: sorry to hear about grandpa but let’s get the rager going. Is that not a good move? Not a good plan?”

“No,” you giggled.

“Not how I should make my first impression?”

“I mean, my brothers would find you hilarious but my parents might think you’re actually insane.”

“Well we don’t want that,” he shook his head, took an exit to head North.

You pulled into the funeral home parking lot right before 10am, saw your brothers huddled near your dad’s car when Jason parked a few spots down.

You’d been briefed on the plan: meet there, head to the church, burial, lunch after. He caught you taking a deep breath when you unbuckled, threw a wink in your direction but placed his hand on the small of your back when you led him over.

“Hi guys,” you said quietly, the morning air still crisp with fall. “Hi dad,” you offered him a hug, felt sorry for the loss but also knew your dad would soon crack a joke about it.

Once you pulled back, you gestured towards him, a nervous smile when you looked at your mom. “This is Jason--Jason, this is everyone.”

He stuck his hand out when your dad did the same.

“Sorry for your loss, sorry to meet under these circumstances.”

You felt a brow quirk--surprisingly serious and appropriate.

“Nice to meet you, thanks for coming,” your dad said. “Hope the traffic wasn’t terrible.”

“No, no--it was fine,” Jason shook his head.

“This is Nolan, this is Andrew and Lena, and then my mom obviously,” you pointed around the circle.

“Love your stuff,” Nolan leaned over, spoke quietly to avoid being reprimanded by your parents. “I can’t believe you let her sit at Ted’s desk.”

He adjusted the dark sunglasses that shielded him from the sun and Jason broke a smile.

“Oh right, you’re the one who convinced her to watch the show!”

“Okay, I didn’t need to be convinced,” you retorted.

Nolan let out a sarcastic laugh, an arm slung around your shoulder in the parking lot. “I’m the one who has actual taste.”

“I have taste you fuckwad--”

“Now’s not really the time to bicker, guys,” your dad turned over his shoulder to parent his adult-children.

“Yeah, guys,” Andrew offered a disapproving look before he leaned towards Jason and lowered his voice. “But I’m also a huge fan of the show--and you, just to be clear.”

“Thanks, man,” Jason shook your older brother’s hand.

Your dad watched on for a second, cleared his throat before he admitted: “Yeah, I—uh—am also a fan.”

Jason smiled again, a quick glance in your direction to make sure you were hearing this. “Thank you so much.”

“Horrible Bosses,” he nodded. “Great movie.”

“Isn’t there a sequel?” Lena asked, hands around her bump when she offered you a suggestive smile.

“Yeah,” your dad said. “I liked the first better though…no offense.”

Jason held his hands up, none taken.

“Okay, dad,” you laughed a little. Not what you expected, but hey, you also weren’t complaining. “Alright, what’s the intel so far?” You asked, Jason watched in confusion as you and Nolan scanned the crowd.

“Natalie appears to be flying solo,” he commented. “No eyes on Janelle yet. But I did see Julia and Aunt Carla.”

“Can everyone relax?” Your mom asked, swiping on another layer of lipstick in a compact mirror. “They’ll all be fine.”

“Last time we saw them things were not fine,” Andrew commented, offering a sideways glance in your direction. Lena nudged him in the ribs, she always came to your rescue.

“Janelle asked for ten tickets to the AMAs,” you whispered in defense, “that’s insane!”

“We know,” your mom waved you off.

“Y/N’s been making our family hate us for years,” Nolan elbowed Jason, who stifled a laugh.

“So I’ve been told,” he eyed you.

One of your aunts approached, you were ushered inside and into cars that took you to the church. Beautiful arches, flowers adorned the altar and you sat between Jason and Andrew, second pew. Sadness kicked in when the singing happened, Andrew slung an arm around your shoulder and joked: he would have hated this. The service was long and Nolan didn’t hesitate to complain after the burial.

“I get it, I mean, it’s sad--but it feels a little performative, doesn’t it?”

“Funerals?” Andrew asked--somehow Jason had agreed to let your brothers ride in the backseat on the way to the luncheon. Lena, still pregnant and tired, was stuck in the middle seat.

“Yeah,” Nolan said. “We’re seriously going to do all of that for every single human who dies?”

“This is too existential for me,” you laughed from the front seat.

“Your sister apparently has no heart,” Jason commented.

“Oh we know,” Andrew said. “She used to push us down the stairs.”

“She didn’t push you down the stairs,” Lena corrected, eyeing her husband.

“What?” Jason let out a laugh and looked over at you.

“They’d get in the way,” you defended.

“In the way of what?!” Jason asked.

“I was performing,” you laughed, recounting the memories. “I’d get up on the little landing--you know, where stairs change direction--and I’d sing. Nolan would get in the way and I’d shove him down if I had to.”

“So technically it was only a half-flight,” Nolan rolled his eyes as if that made it less egregious.

“Jesus,” Jason eyed you again. “Brutal.”

It didn’t feel all that awkward, you decided. You introduced him to your aunts, ignored the way Janelle smiled up at him once you made it to the restaurant, hoped the whispers of is it serious? why’d she bring him? how long will that last? didn’t echo for too long.

Jason pulled out a chair next to yours but laughed with your uncle about some 80s reference when you followed Nolan to the buffet.

“So--kept him a secret for a while, huh?” He kept his voice quiet as he followed you down the line. Green beans, steak, warm rolls with a butter basket nearby.

“Do I need more of a reason to have everyone up my ass?”

He stifled a laugh, made a face as if to say touché.

“How long have you guys been a thing?”

You shrugged. “Since, like, spring--but, I don’t know, it was casual until summer and then it became more official.”

“I know I should be used to you dating celebrities but this feels way cooler.”

“Okay, Janelle,” you teased. “Be cool about it.”

“Be cool?”

“I don’t want bringing him here to be the nail in the coffin--”

Nolan let out a cackle at the irony in your words and scooped some mashed potatoes onto his plate.

“Pun intended,” you murmured.

“What have mom and dad said?”

“Nothing--have they said anything to you?”

He let his head tilt from side to side, not a yes but not a no. “Mom seemed a bit taken back by the age difference.”

“Right,” you rolled your eyes.

“I think it just makes her question what the longer term plan is--”

You picked out a roll, heightened anxiety. “For me?”

“Yeah, I mean, he’s got kids right? First thing I did was google him. I didn’t know him and Olivia Wilde never got married.”

Someone with gray hair and a cane cut you in line, you didn’t recognize who it was but it prompted you to turn to Nolan and offer a fake smile. “Can we maybe talk about this later?”

He gave up, followed you back to your seat at the cousins table and picked up a conversation easily with Jason about the Knicks and the Nets and other sports teams. You sipped on wine and watched Natalie recount her favorite memories of your grandfather, tried not to roll your eyes when she and Janelle bickered over who’s college field hockey stats were better.

You tried to sneak away after lunch, tugged your mom aside and said I think we’re gonna head out.

“No way,” Nolan inserted himself quickly, just as good at eavesdropping now as he was at twelve. “You can’t ditch--we’re all going to Aunt Carla’s house.”

“What?” You looked at your mom quickly, a glance to see Jason still stuck at the cousins table. At least Andrew and Lena were there to supervise.

“You should at least come for a little,” your mom said quietly. “It’s just gonna be family.”

You let out a sigh, looked around the room and figured that maybe you’d feel less overwhelmed if there were less unfamiliar faces.

“It’s been a long day--I feel bad dragging Jason around.”

“If Lena’s almost nine months pregnant and can handle today, I think Jason can,” Nolan reminded.

“I was talking to mom,” you made a face at him.

He rolled his eyes and walked away, your mom snaked an arm around your waist.

“It hasn’t been that bad. And I know I haven’t gotten to talk to him a lot, but he seems really sweet.”

“Yeah,” you said sharply. “He is.”

“Why are you so upset?”

“Cause this is a lot,” you admitted, voice still hushed in the crowded banquet room. “He’s never met any of you and now the poor guy has to spend an entire day with this circus?” You motioned around the room at your extended family.

Your mom bit back a laugh but still managed to give a disapproving look before she glanced over to Jason: hand around a beer bottle, seated with your brother and now your uncle and dad, too. They laughed, a scene like they were old friends when someone cracked a joke.

“He seems to be fairing alright,” she commented.

You finished the wine in your glass in one swig, you needed it, looked back at your mom with a lifted brow. “An hour at Aunt Carla’s, okay?”

“Deal.”

You briefed him in the car, we don’t have to stay long. Andrew and Nolan tagged along in the backseat again, Lena complained about just how small her bladder had gotten. After thirty minutes in the living room with a basketball game on, Jason’s sleeves were rolled up and his tie loosened.

“So glad you were able to make it out,” Janelle appeared beside you, a glass of wine in hand when she offered a smile.

“Yeah--me too,” you nodded. “Sucks obviously, but--”

“So, since when has this been a thing?” She let her finger flutter between you and Jason.

“Oh,” you cleared your throat at her quick change of topic. “A few months, I don’t know, not too long.”

“He’s so sweet--so funny, obviously,” she drew out the words, looked across the room to where he stood.

“Yeah,” Natalie appeared on the other side of you now, an identical glass in her hands when she offered you a smile. Fuck, you thought, surrounded.

“Didn’t know you liked older guys,” she bumped her hip into yours.

You laughed, another gulp of wine. Lena had scurried off to the bathroom, this damn baby, now you were left without backup. “Me neither.”

Janelle giggled, lowered her voice when she pushed further: “hasn’t been that long since he broke up with Olivia Wilde, though, right? How long were they together?”

You were going to feign ignorance, but Natalie answered for you. “Almost a decade, right?”

“Something like that,” you stared straight at him, all three of you watched as he high-fived your brother in celebration, the Knicks score!

“Have you met his kids?”

You swallowed, “no.”

“Oh, bummer--is it just, y’know, not that serious?”

Janelle’s line of questioning was bold enough to make Natalie waiver: “well, she just said they haven’t been together that long.”

“Exactly,” you nodded at Natalie, subtle acknowledgement that she had your back.

Jason glanced over quickly, did a double take when he noticed he was being watched by all three of you. Apparently he took it as a cue to join the conversation, a few steps over and he clinked his beer against your glass of wine.

“Hi ladies.”

“Hi,” you smiled up at him. “We were just talking about you.”

Janelle and Natalie both faltered at your honesty, an awkward beat when Jason stifled a laugh.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, you know--typical funeral talk.”

His eyes widened, a nod when he realized how fed up you were. Andrew and Nolan appeared beside him now, a commercial break from the game.

“I was just telling her what a fan I am,” Janelle smiled up at Jason.

You watched him for a reaction, lifted your brows to silently communicate: I told you she’d hit on you!

“Oh, thank you,” he said humbly. “Bar’s probably high in this family, though, right? Y/N has enough talent for the rest of us.”

“She’s okay,” Nolan teased.

“Y/N’s so great, obviously,” Janelled smiled at you. “I feel like being funny takes more…intelligence, though, you know what I mean?”

Jason hesitated at that, Andrew stifled a laugh at your cousin’s thinly veiled insult.

“Well good thing it doesn’t take too much intelligence to be a fan of comedy, right?” You flashed her a sweet smile and laughed at your own joke.

“I’m…gonna get another drink,” Natalie said. “Janelle--do you want anything?”

She tugged her away, Jason looked down at you with a look of mild shock.

“What is up with you?” Nolan tugged on your elbow and pulled you out into the hallway, Jason and Andrew followed.

“Me?”

“Yeah,” he looked at you skeptically. “You basically just called Janelle stupid.”

“Well, number one, she started it,” you made a face. “And two, am I wrong?”

Andrew let out a laugh but Nolan shot him some kind of look.

“You’ve got some kind of stick up your ass today,” he said.

“This is a funeral, Y/N,” Andrew reminded. “Not Family Feud.”

“Okay, I need another drink if I’m going to be cast in the villain role today…”

Jason decided it was his turn to step in. “Well, do you wanna get going? Traffic might be bad in the city.”

“You guys--you’re being weird,” you looked at the three of them. Something about Jason being on the same page as your brothers felt weird and wrong and icky. Maybe that was the wine.

“It’s just been a long day, you seem stressed,” Nolan tried to reason.

“Oh my god,” you pulled your head back. “You think I’m drunk.”

He let out a sigh, insinuated he wasn’t going to be the one to go there. “I’ve watched you put back four glasses of Chianti since noon,” Nolan deadpanned. “I know you’re drunk.”

You let out a big sigh to mock your little brother, looked up to Jason. “Do I seem drunk to you?”

His eyebrows climbed north, lips pushed out in thought when he looked between you and Nolan.

“This feels like a no-win situation.”

“That’s a yes, Y/N,” Nolan nodded.

“Oh my god, I’m sorry for not taking her shit,” you said dramatically.

“Janelle did start it,” Andrew admitted.

“How am I being the most responsible right now?” Nolan’s palms twisted towards the sky.

You looked over to Jason, suddenly feeling guilty for pulling him into this mess and for the fourth glass of wine.

“Fine,” you crossed your arms. “I will leave the party early.”

“It was a funeral--”

“You know what I mean,” you shot Nolan a look.

Jason ushered you further down the hall, jackets in here, keys, farewells at the door but you managed to slip out relatively unscathed. Your mom kissed you on the forehead and promised to call you in the morning.

Once you settled into the car, you turned to see him. “I swear I’m not that drunk.”

Buzzed? Feelin’ it a little? Sure.

“It’s okay,” he smiled a little, eyeing you sideways.

“You think I’m drunk.”

“I don’t know what you are,” he laughed, “but you were ready to throw a few fists back there.”

He pulled out of the driveway and you mumbled under your breath: “s’why I didn’t want you to come to this.”

“Family is stressful, I get it.”

“I know, I know,” you rolled your eyes. “You’re always too understanding.”

“Of what?”

“Of me being stupid and young and probably annoying,” you said honestly.

He paused for a second, lips parted like he didn’t know what to say.

“Whatever,” you sighed. “I’m sorry I dragged you to this and I’m sorry I had four glasses of Chianti,” you mocked Nolan.

“He was just trying to look out for you.”

“I don’t need him to look out for me,” you bit back. “I’m not a child.”

“I didn’t say you were,” he defended, shoulders tense from the emotion in your voice.

“No--but, it doesn’t feel great to have you take my brothers’ side.”

“I wasn’t taking his side, Y/N,” he softened a little at this, stole a look at you when he turned out of your aunt’s neighborhood. “I was just trying to avoid a conflict.”

“Well I don’t need you to do that for me. I don’t need you to look after me or to worry about me.”

“I think we should just…relax for a second, okay?”

You knew he meant well, saw the way he flinched when you turned and said: “Relax?”

“I don’t mean that in a shitty way.”

“Fine,” you shrugged. “I’ll relax.”

“Why is this becoming a thing between you and I?”

“Because!” You whined, arms crossed over your chest. “You got in the middle of it. You’re bringing me home like I’m some baby and I don’t want you--”

He muttered under his breath, the words tumbled out quietly: “well, you’re kind of acting like one.”

“--excuse me?”

He sighed, shook his head, tried to scoop up the words quickly before the damage spread. Too late.

“I’m sorry, okay? Can we pause? Can we just go home and maybe wait for the wine to wear off?”

You felt the tears coming, felt the burning in your throat when you looked over at him. Of course--of course this is how it would happen.

How could you have thought bringing him to meet your family would be a good idea? How on earth did you think that the two of you could survive a serious and stuffy event like this?

Everything in your relationship thus far had been playful, casual—skirting by responsibility and avoiding the roadblocks that would inevitably sink you.

When he saw the emotion on your face he melted a little, shoulder slumped and he reached a hand over to your thigh. “Hey--come on, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t want to fight with you.”

“Well it’s too late for that,” you whimpered a little, smacked the visor down to inspect yourself in the mirror. You dabbed beneath your eyes, wiped the tears on your dress.

He was quiet for a bit, you stared out the window but turned to see him when he didn’t take the exit for the Hudson Parkway south. Back to Brooklyn, you hated the way he offered you an apologetic smile but hated the way your pulse quickened even more.

“You’re not a baby,” he broke the silence finally, pulled up to the curb and put the car in park, turning to see you. He waited a second, kept his eyes on your face and then asked: “Is the age thing part of what’s stressing you out today?”

“I don’t know,” you dismissed the thought. “Why?”

“Well,” he shrugged, a sigh before he spoke: “You are a lot younger than me.”

You blinked a few times, tired from the day and the emotions and, maybe, from the grief.

“I’m aware,” you said sharply.

He got out, annoyed, you followed him up the sidewalk and inside, dropped your purse on the floor beside a tiny pair of cleats that hadn’t been there last week.

“Is this not working for you?”

You turned to see him quickly, fear etched on your face when he shrugged.

“Why do you ask that?”

“I don’t know, Y/N--it seems like things go great and then something happens and you freak out, but you don’t tell me what’s happening so I’m kind of left in the dark.”

“Left in the dark?” You repeated his words, the audacity. “You mean like how I’m left in the dark with all of this?”

He watched you bend over, pick up one of the cleats and hold it up between you.

“Or do you mean in the dark like how I still don’t know anything about them or about her aside from the shit I find every time I’m in this house?”

He held his hand up to his face, rubbed his jaw when he let out a sigh. “Forgive me for thinking that it’d be best to keep it separate, okay? What am I supposed to do? Fuck you upstairs and then tell you about the time the four of us built a snowman outside?”

“I don’t know!” You yelled now, “but keeping it separate makes it feel like this isn’t going anywhere!”

“Do you want it to go somewhere?” He asked, frustrated and confused and more emotional than you’d ever seen him before.

“I don’t know what I want from you because I didn’t expect to be--”

You cut yourself off, dropped the cleat back to the floor and shrugged, eyes anywhere but on him.

“To be what?” He asked, anger still in his voice when you took a deep breath.

“To be falling in love with someone who probably doesn’t feel the same way.”

You could see his chest rise and fall beneath his white dress shirt, he tore his gaze away from you after a second, a siren audible through the front door.

“Why didn’t you tell me that?” He asked suddenly, less angry but still upset. “You’ve been sitting on that and you didn’t think it would be a good idea to clue me in?”

“I didn’t want to ruin it,” you said honestly, a slight roll of your eyes when he shook his head.

“You’ve been so busy filling in the blanks that you haven’t even considered what the truth might be.”

“Because I don’t want to be the stupid kid who’s in over her head!”

He let out a sigh, stared at the floor for a second. “Are you in love with me?”

Was he really going to make you answer that? You stalled for a second, figured that he’d take it back or change his mind about wanting to know.

When you looked back to him, his eyebrows were arched, the left corner of his mouth twisted into a tiny smirk.

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” he asked, chin jutting out at your indecision.

“I don’t know,” you said it again, exhausted.

“That’s too bad,” he shrugged.

This pulled your gaze back up to him quickly. “Why?”

A smirk, “because I feel the same way.”

Your heart dropped so quickly it felt like it might fall out of your body and onto the hardwood of his foyer, but your walls were still up.

“How do you know I feel that way?” You challenged, “I said I don’t know.”

A step closer to you when he put his hands in his pockets. “You’re forgetting that I’m older and wiser, remember?”

A joke from your first date, you wanted to laugh, wanted to have a comeback or a quip or something to smooth over the last two hours. Instead, he wrapped his arms around you when emotion welled in your eyes, a mix of things: anxiety, sadness, hope.

“I’m not crying,” you wiped your cheeks, laughed when he pulled away and looked down at you.

“No? Isn’t that what they call it when water comes out of your eyes?”

“I’ve had a weird day, alright?”

He chuckled, pressed a kiss to your forehead when he said. “Does this mean I get to upgrade now from saying I like you to I love you?”

“You don’t have to,” you sniffled, still feeling insecure and unsure. You brought your eyes up to his, couldn’t help but mirror the stupid smile he had on his face when you giggled.

“What if I want to?”

“Then you can say it,” you shrugged.

“Okay,” he nodded, took a step back and took you by the hand to bring you upstairs. “Good to know.”

Quiet, you followed him up the steps and he smirked at you over his shoulder.

“You’re an asshole,” you said.

“Yeah,” he shrugged like this wasn’t news to him. “But at least we know I’m an asshole you love.”

So you fell asleep on his chest and woke up with a headache. The first few thoughts were as follows: holy shit, did he actually, did you actually, what does this, now what should you?

He rolled over, blinked a few times when he found you staring at the ceiling.

“Hey.”

“Hello,” you said abruptly, cordially, business-like.

A beat before he asked: “ya doin’ alright?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, eyes still on the overhead fan that swirled and swirled, calmly, steadily. “You?”

“Yeah,” he said.

The acknowledgement seemed to blanket the room, the whole house, actually, when you followed him downstairs and he brewed a pot of coffee. His arms around your shoulders when you dumped pancake batter into a frying pan, the anxiety in you slowly dissolving.

Out of half-and-half, he said, tugging on shoes, corner store, be right back.

You heard the door shut, alone in the house for the first time when the TV echoed from the living room. You picked up your phone to text Blake, what a fucking night, so much to tell you.

But the doorbell rang, your head snapped up. Did he forget his keys? How close was the grocer on the corner?

You padded through the hall, tugged it open with hesitancy to find the three of them, two blonde heads of hair and a look of surprise on her face that mirrored yours.

“Oh, hi,” Olivia said.

story page | talk to me/join the tag list | the playlist

AN: ooooops! omg I have been waiting for y'all to read this chapter because SO MUCH HAPPENS. digging a little deeper pals, cause you know i love the deep shit.

[adminbryantsaki]

Alpha! Werewolf! Aizawa x Female! Luna! Reader.

(A/N: I am here again with the Bnharem’s collab! This theme is sex worker. I hope you enjoy this version of everyone’s favorite sleepy teacher, Aizawa.)

(A Luna is an alpha that can conceive. A luna has a harder time at conceiving and is more submissive if in a relationship with an alpha. Lunas have ruts and heats. These ruts are not as aggressive as an Alphas and the heats are not as aggressive as an omega’s either the heat or the rut is when the Luna is more fertile. Lunas can be marked and give marks to both Alphas and Omegas.)

Word count 8,535.

Rating: 18+, minors dni

TW: Omegaverse, Breeding, Werewolf, cum inflation, strip club, pregnancy.

If this isn’t your cup of tea, blend of spices, or brew of coffee, then move along.

Read the other stories here

It was late at night. You and your friend were walking home late after a party. The both of you had a bit too much to drink. An ad from the strip club caught the attention of your friend.

“Oooh! An ad for some sexy alpha men. Isn’t your heat rather close, Y/N?” You friend said a bit too loudly as they waved the ad in your face. You took the paper and stuffed it into your purse.

“Enough, F/N. Do you wish to get us followed?” You hissed and pushed your friend to your apartment building making it inside the complex before guiding your drunk friend up the stairs to the door of your apartment. Your friend had passed out on the way up so you had to prop her up while you fumbled for the key to your apartment. You let out a noise of relief when you finally found your key and unlocked the door to your apartment. You set your friend on the floor so you could grab a bucket for the morning. You dragged them to your small couch and pulled them onto the item of furniture. You pulled a blanket over them and went to your bedroom to change out of your own clothes. You sighed in relief when you took your bra off and chucked it onto the corner where your laundry basket was. You pulled off the scent blocking patches from the delicate skin of your neck and put them back into their packaging. You grabbed the small container of lotion you had and rubbed the serum into your skin. You hummed and got changed into your pjs. You looked over at your purse and saw the ad peeking out. You sighed and pulled the piece of paper out of the confines of your purse and stared at it.

‘Are you lonely? In need of a mate? Then pick from one of these fine Alphas courtesy of The Underground. Bring this ad for entry.’ The top line of the ad read. You looked down at the selection of alphas presented on the page. None of them really caught your interest. A few did look good but not what you would actually want as a mate. As you looked down the ad, you noticed all the typical over muscular apex alphas. One of them scared you with the flaming red hair and another weirded you out by having features similar to that of a killer whale. Your eyes settled on a dark-haired man that looked sleep deprived. He had a pair of wolf ears and slight stubble on his jawline. You couldn’t stop staring at the man. You read his description and found out that he was a werewolf. That you didn’t mind. He would be like a kind of guard dog along with being your mate. The idea of having an alpha werewolf as your mate made you blush hard. You set the ad down, crawled under your covers and drifted off to sleep.

 §§§§§

The next morning you woke up to the sounds of your friend puking into the bucket. You sighed and pulled yourself up from your bed. Your senses seemed on overload. You checked your phone to see if your heat had started. It hadn’t yet. You let out a sigh of relief and got up to help your friend. You walked into the living room and saw your friend who was a beta so if your heat had started, they wouldn’t be affected by your scent. You sat next to them and held their hair back as they puked into the bucket. You rubbed your friend’s back as your mind wandered back to the ad you had perused the night before. You blushed a bit as you thought of the alpha werewolf. You shook it out of your head as you stood up to find a common cure that some distant relative of yours had told you would cure a hangover in a moment. You found it and put some into a mug to brew as a kind of tea for your friend. You turned your electric kettle on to boil some water. You stared off into space as the water boiled. The thought of what that alpha would look like up close and personal occupied your thoughts. Would he be completely covered in fur? Or only have the ears and tail? You also took note of the muscles that he had that were shown of him in the advertisement. You felt your face heat up as the kettle clicked off and you were taken from your mental fantasy to pour the water into the mug and carry the vessel to your hungover friend.

“Here you go.” You said quietly in a gentle and caring tone. Your friend groaned and looked up at you then at the mug.

“What is that?” They asked.

“Something that will help with your head. Trust me. It will be bitter but it will help.” You said as they received the mug from you and took a sip. Their face soured which made you chuckle.

“I gotta get changed and go to work. You can stay here for as long as you need until your hangover goes away.” You told your friend.

“Thank you. I’ll just finish this and go home. Thank you though.” They responded. You let them be as you went to go shower to get ready for the day.

Your friend was still on the couch by the time you had gotten out of the shower.

“Did you look over the ad, Y/n?” They called out. You glanced over at the paper that was laying on your nightstand.

“Yeah! I did. You might even be interested in some of them if you looked at it yourself.” You responded as your pulled on your shirt. You picked up the ad and walked out to the living room where your friend seemed a lot better than before.

“Here. Look at it. There’s a couple red heads and blondes that you might like.” You told them as you handed them the page.

“If you say so.” They said as they browsed the ad. You went back into your room to finish dressing yourself. You came out a few minutes later all dressed except for your shoes. You wanted to eat some food before you headed out the door. You grabbed a microwave breakfast burrito, unwrapped it, and put it into the microwave to heat up.

“Oooh! Some of the boys on here are kinda cute! We should go this Friday!” Your friend called to you from their seat on your couch.

“If you want to, I’m game for it… I do want a mate this time around.” You said as you stopped the microwave and pulled out your hot breakfast.

“Interesting. You know I can still help you if you want me to.” Your friend offered.

“I know… but I don’t wanna inconvenience you. You have an omega that you’ve had your eye on for a while. You should go for them. I’m not saying that you aren’t bad at what you do. I just prefer an alpha as a permanent mate.” You told you friend.

“I understand. There’s something about alphas that is just irresistible. I might hook up with one before I settle down with the omega. One of the beefy red heads looks interesting.” Your friend said as they eyed the ad again.

“Thank you. I’m glad we’re still on good terms.” You spoke. Your friend nodded and gathered their things and left with you as you went to work.  

 §§§§§

Friday came sooner than you thought. You were getting all dressed up in your clubbing outfit. You were putting on your shapewear to slim down your hips, thighs, butt, and stomach. You slid on a simple black dress and went to go do your hair and makeup before your friend came to pick you up. You took your time applying the makeup to your face. Just enough to enhance your already natural beauty. You then curled your hair to have simple waves to accentuate your face. You just finished applying the final layer of hairspray when you heard knocking at your door.

“Just a moment! I will be right there!” You called from your bathroom. You adjusted your hair once more before walking to your door and opening it a bit to see who it was. It was your friend who was also dressed up. You closed the door again and unlocked it to let your friend in. They stepped in and closed the door behind them. You went to your room to grab your purse and the ad as you needed the page to enter the establishment. You pulled your shoes on then went to join your friend.

“You ready to finally get yourself an Alpha mate?” They asked. You smiled and nodded. They hooked arms with you and headed off to the club.

The pair of you turned the corner of the block that the club was in. You followed your friend down the alley where what seemed to be the bouncer was standing outside the door. He had silvery hair and what looked to be a permanent scowl on his face. The bouncer had a small tooth poking out from his bottom lip. His gaze looked over at the two of you.

“You two got the entrance requirement?” The bouncer asked. You nodded and reached inside your purse for the ad. The bouncer took the ad and looked at it.

“Alright. The both of you are in. Have fun you two.” The beefy man told the both of you and held the door open for the both of you. You entered and took in the environment of the neon lights, sensual music that came from the DJ in the corner, the smell of lust mixed with a heavy combination of several heat and rut scents clinging to the smog laden air made you feel dizzy; your head buzzing. You held onto your friend as the two of you were stopped by a dark blue haired woman with a low- cut dress and a high slit in her skirt that showed her fishnet stockings. The scent that came from her made your body feel heavy and your eyelids grow heavy.

“Hello, I am the owner of this fine establishment, you may call me Midnight. How may I help the both of you?” The woman introduced herself.

“My friend here is looking for an Alpha. I myself wish to hook up with one of your Alphas as well but not permanently.” Your friend spoke for the both of you since your head was clouded with taking in all the new sounds, smells, and sights that had invaded your senses. Your eyes wandered over your surroundings as you took the new environment in. You saw the Alphas that were shown in the advertisement. Along with some other faces that weren’t shown. You saw the other guy that had caught your interest in the back corner behind his turntables, monitoring speaker, and mixer. You scanned the room to see if you could find the werewolf that had piqued your interest and caused a fire to light in the lower part of your stomach. You searched the room in anticipation to see his face and take in his scent. You couldn’t seem to find him among all the other alphas there in the main room. Your mind went to the worse case and thought that he already had a customer for the evening. This idea saddened you a bit and you stared at the ground.

“That is excellent. I will need for you to write down your secondary gender to help with our ratings. After you have done that, feel free to look through our selection of Alphas and other dynamics.” Midnight requested of the two of you. You looked up and the both of you write down your specific dynamics. The both of you then handed your cards to the woman. Midnight looked over what the two of you had written and when she read yours, her eyebrow raised. She gave a book of the still available workers to your friend and she told you to go wait in the bar for her. You did as you were told and went to the bar.

The host that was seating people asked you if you were waiting for anyone. You said that Midnight had told you to come here and they guided you to a back corner seat and had you sit there. They took your order and went off to make your drink. You looked over to where your friend was being guided by Midnight to the tall, beefy redhead with flames all over his body. You chuckled to yourself as your friend had picked out the same red head that they were gushing about earlier that week.  You watched as Midnight introduced your friend to the red head and he stood up to his full height and introduced himself. You watched as someone delivered your drink to you the sheer size of the man and how he dwarfed your friend. Midnight left the two be and headed in your direction. You watched the man lead your friend into a private room. Midnight slipped into the seat across from you with her own drink.

“We don’t usually get Lunas coming here looking for an Alpha. They usually want Omegas. What brings you here, Y/N? Other than an Alpha to help you with your heat?” She asked as she sipped her drink.

“I want a mate. I want a partner to keep me company and to treat me right and not like some creature that is only meant to take care of the house and bend over when they want to rut into me then expect me to raise his litter on my own.” You told her. She smiled at you.

“I know exactly the Alpha for you.” She said and stood up. She held out her arm for you. You stood up and took her arm so she could guide your head riddled brain up the spiral staircase and to the quieter part of the apartments of the club.

“Who is this Alpha you are taking me to?” You asked as the environment and mood changed to one that caused a chill to run down your spine. You could smell a difference in the air as the scent changed from citrusy, warm, and spicy to cool, crisp, and relaxing. The scent was similar to that of waking up in a log cabin deep in the woods just after a night where the snow fell hard the night before and your partner had made a fresh pot of coffee and had brought you a cup. You hummed and closed your eyes to take in his scent. Midnight paused with you to let you take in the new scent. You opened your eyes and looked to her.

“What else do I need to know about him?” You asked as you had let his scent envelop you.

“He’s a werewolf, sweetheart.” The woman told you. Your eyes widened and you tensed up.

“Relax, he won’t bite you, much.” She told you as she stood by the door. You walked over to the door and stood in front of it.  

“The both of you will have to establish a safe word.  He won’t mate with you until you give him consent. He is actually quite the gentleman once you get to know him. Shouta will take care of you and your heat, he has been looking for a mate himself for a while now. You could possibly be the lucky one.” Midnight said as she opened the door for you. You took a deep breath and stepped inside the room. You looked around the room to take in your surroundings and look for your Alpha. He was nowhere to be seen. You heard the door close and lock behind you and a presence that set the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end.

“So, what did you come here for? Just another omega who can’t handle their heat? How pathetic.” You heard a deep, gravelly voice rumble from behind you. You turned around to face him even though you could barely see his form from where you stood in the dim lighting of his apartment. The man stood before you shirtless and wearing a rather tight pair of sweatpants that showed his already erect member. You panted a bit and spoke up.

“I’m not some typical needy omega!  I am a Luna that is looking for a mate. The owner of this establishment thought that you and I would be a good match up.” You told him in a slightly raised tone. He pushed off the wall that he was leaning on and looked at you from the shadows. He slowly walked to you and held your jaw in his hand.

“You think you’re so tough because of your dynamic, huh? Still pathetic. Why would Midnight pair you with me?” He asked as a strong wave scent of rain-soaked pine filled your nostrils and knocked you onto your butt. He smirked and walked over to his nest.  

“Tell me why I should even consider taking you as a mate.” He said as he laid down and watched you.

“I don’t just want a one-night fling, I want a permanent partner. One that will care for me and treat me like a human being and not just some breeder to crank out litters.” You told him. This caught his interest and made him look at you.

“Come here then, Little Luna.” He told you and made room for you in his nest. You obeyed and did as you were told and sat outside the nest. The werewolf looked at you and flicked his fluffy ebony tail at you. Shouta watched your chest rise and fall with your labored breaths as your heat slowly invaded your body, making you get hot and needy. You were doing your best to keep your scent to yourself. You huffed as your neck felt sore as you wanted to let your scent loose and fill the room with your heat scent. Shouta noticed the frown knitted into your brow. He leaned forward and whispered into your ear.

“Let it out, kitten, I want to smell you. No other alphas will come in here. They know not to mess with me.” He told you.  He hovered over your neck where you could feel his warm breath on your sensitive skin. You finally released your scent and the werewolf took it all in. He buried his nose into your neck and growled in your ear which made your heat become more wet with slick. The werewolf wanted to sink his teeth into your neck and make you his and his alone. He pulled away and sat back in his nest and stared at you.

“Why don’t you come in here with me, kitten?” He purred and encouraged you to come into his nest that seemed to be lined with a sleeping bag. You climbed in and melted into the soft fabric that was the inside of the sleeping bag. The man put a hand on your back and hummed as he rubbed your back.

“How long have you been holding your scent in? Your doctor should’ve told you that’s dangerous.” Shouta told you as he rubbed your back and looked down at your heat-ridden form.

“About a week.” You said just loud enough so he could hear you. He sighed and laid down next to you.

“Do you feel better now?” He asked as he stroked your cheek. You nodded and looked at him.

“Tell me your name, Little Luna. You probably know mine already from the ad.” He said as he stroked your hair out of your face.

“Yours is Shouta Aizawa. Mines Y/N.” You told him. The werewolf smirked and propped himself up on an elbow.

“Such a pretty name.” Shouta spoke. You couldn’t keep your eyes off of him. Everything about him drove you crazy as you resisted the urge to take him as your mate and get it over with.

“I know you said that you don’t want to just be some, thing to be bred but I know you’re in heat just by how strong your scent is. I’m willing to be your mate. Midnight was right. You are perfect for me. As for your heat though, you have no idea how much I want to fill you with my seed over and over until your womb is heavy with my litter.”  The werewolf confessed as his voice began to hint with that lust filled tone that you had heard from previous alphas that had courted you in the past. You began to stare at the wall.

“Hey. Eyes back down here, Y/N. I know that you don’t want to be an incubator 24/7. I don’t expect that. But I know that you want me to claim you right here and now and stuff that wet hole of yours full of my seed? How does that sound, Little Luna?” He asked as he kept eye contact with you. You were blushing redder than a beet when you looked at him. You nodded in agreement and he proceeded to move onto his hands and knees. He hovered over you and was so close that you wanted to pull him into a deep and passionate kiss but you stopped yourself.

“Before we begin, what should our safe word be?” He asked as he moved close to your neck and wanted to bite a deep bruise on the tender flesh of your skin.

“How does moonlight sound?” You suggested as his scent flooded your senses.

“A little tacky but it will do.” Shouta chuckled as he hovered closer to your neck.

“I’m guessing you don’t have a permanent mate by the lack of a mark on your neck.” He said as he put a gentle kiss on your collar bone. You held back a moan and spoke.  

“No, I haven’t. Please, just mark me already.” You practically begged for him.

“Then tell me what you want me to do to you, Little Luna~.” He said as he put another kiss down on your chest right above your breasts. Shouta pulled away and looked up at you.

“Go on and tell me.” He encouraged you. You sat up and looked him in the eyes.

“I want to have your litter so badly. Please. I beg of you, fill me with your seed. Fuck me until I’m sore and can’t move anymore. I want you to be mine and mine alone, Shouta.” You told him as you cupped his face and gave him a genuine pleading look. You looked so cute to him as he looked back into your eyes and saw the honesty in what you had said.

“If we are gonna do this then you should know that there is no going back. Once we are mated, then we are mated for life.” He told you as he ran a hand up your thigh. You looked back at him and nodded. The thought of a werewolf as your mate made you push out more slick that now coated your thighs. The werewolf smirked and kissed you before moving to your neck. He kissed and licked the area around the area he was gonna mark you with to put you on edge. You huffed and whimpered out as you wanted his knot to fill your empty hole. Shouta looked to you when you let out a whimper.

“Should we call you kitten instead of little Luna?” He teased you. You huffed and moved to turn away from him.

“Where do you think you’re going, kitten? We need to get you out of that pesky dress of yours~.” He told you and helped you sit up. He undid the zipper on your dress then slid the straps of your dress off your shoulders. He leaned to your left side and bit down on your soft flesh and sucked a pretty bruise into your neck before leaving.

“You’re mine now. Mine and mine alone, Kitten.” He told you before kissing all over your neck and licking blood from the mark. He pulled away from you slowly and kissed your cheek.

“Yes. I’m yours, Alpha.” You responded. He smiled and kissed you. He pulled the rest of your dress off your body and chucked the garment to the far corner of the room. You looked sadly at the discarded garment as you worried that you wouldn’t get it back.

“Don’t worry, kitten. You’ll get it back when we’re done.” His eyes flicked down to your waist as he noticed the shapewear on you and smirked.

“What makes you need to wear something like this?” He asked as he ran a thumb over the band that lay just below your chest. He looked up at you to see you blush and look away from him. He gripped your face and made you look at him.  

“What’s wrong? You can tell me.” He asked.

“I wear the shapewear because my lower half is too big.” You told him. He moved down to rest his head on your stomach.

“I want to see.” He told you as he looked up at you with his deep brown eyes and you melted. You stood up with his help and slowly pulled the constricting fabric down off your body until you were only standing there in your underwear and bra. His eyes widened and he leaned back.

“I don’t see anything wrong with your body.” He said as he pulled you down into his lap and against his warm and partially fuzzy chest. He looked down at you.

“Look at me, kitten.” He told you in the same commanding tone as earlier. You obeyed and looked up at him. He held a crooked finger under your chin as he looked at you in the eyes.

“You are beautiful just the way you are. There is nothing I would change. But I do have to say, I do appreciate your thick ass.” He told you with a smirk. You blushed and hid your face in the crook of his neck to take in his scent. He chuckled and slid his hands down to grip your butt. He grinned and slid a hand up your back to caress your hair and take in the scent of your shampoo. He hummed and kissed your head. He slid his hand back down to your butt.

“You’re so soft, I like it.” He told you as he let his fingers sink into the soft flesh of your hips. He guided you to lay down in the nest and look up at him.

“Remind me again what you wanted from me?” He asked as he looked down at you and gave you kisses all over your neck and torso.

“I want your litter. I want it so badly.” You reminded him. He nudged your legs to spread them open so he could lay down between your legs and rested his head on your stomach.

“Just how badly do you want this?” He asked as he traced patterns on your side. You huffed as you were growing impatient as you felt your heat grow more and more unbearable as you snuck a hand down to give yourself some release.  

“What do you think you’re doing? Did you think you could sneak a hand down there and fuck yourself when you clearly came here to get claimed, fucked, and bred full of a litter? I don’t think so.” He scolded you gently. He then arose from the nest and went to another part of his room to retrieve something that you couldn’t see. You rolled over onto your stomach and watched him come back with a long piece of grey fabric. You blushed as he stared down at you with the fabric looped in his hand.

” For being such a naughty kitten, you are going to get your wrists bound.” He said as he knelt down and bound your wrists together. He didn’t pull tightly, just loosely bound them so you couldn’t move them easily then put your arms above your head. He then climbed back into the nest and hovered over your body, situating your wrists so you couldn’t move them. You stared at his bare chest and gulped down the lump of anticipation that had formed in your throat. Once your wrists were secured in the wall of the nest, he looked at you and smirked. He spread your legs back open and slid between them. He folded your legs up so they almost touched your chest. You blushed harder as he stared at your slick hole. He moved down to kiss and nip at the soft flesh of your thick thighs.

“So soft and cuddly. I could use your thighs as a pillow for when I take a nap.” Shouta said as he pressed his cheek to your thigh and kissed it.  He kissed his way down to your entrance and attached his mouth to your hole and began to kiss and suck the slick off your lower area. You moaned out, shut your eyes closed, moved your hips against his mouth. He looked up at you and smacked your butt.

“Look at me, kitten. Keep eye contact with me the whole time.” He told you and made eye contact with you. He growled against your folds which made you squirm in his grip.  He chuckled and sucked you more. You leaked more slick and he swallowed every drop you would give him. You felt your head buzzing as he gave you so much stimulation that you could barely handle it. Shouta pulled away to grab the bottle of lube he had stored around the outside edges of the nest. He applied some to your hole and shifted up to put you into a mating press. He pulled his sweats down a bit and pulled his massive cock out to apply some lube and slide his member into you gently so you could adjust to his size. You moaned and desperately moved your hips to give yourself some friction. But the werewolf wouldn’t have it. He growled and spanked your supple ass again. He gripped your hips and held them in place.

“Did you want to do all the work? I can get you a dildo instead.” He said as he began to pull out. You whined and shook your head no. He pushed his girth back inside and made you wait a little longer.

“Don’t be impatient or I’ll get you kicked out, you got that?” He told you in a firm tone. You nodded.

“I’ll behave. I will. Just please breed me!” You cried out. He smirked and began to thrust slowly in and out of you. You moaned and gripped the blanket above you as his knot stretched you so nicely. He quickened his pace and sucked a mark onto your thigh. This caused you to moan out and let your scent pour out from your glands to fill the room. Shouta took in your scent which made him drive deeper into you.  

“I’m gonna fill you up good, kitten. Make you so full that cum drips out of your hole~.” He told you as he pounded into you. You nodded in agreement. You had waited so long to carry a litter. You were happy that you finally would be able to after so long. You were in pure bliss as your werewolf mate pound your dripping hole. He grunted in your ear as he whispered things into your ear that made the knot in your lower stomach grow bigger until it was threatening to snap. You whimpered and told him you were close. He nodded and the both of you released. He pulled out and got you some water. He held your head up and made sure you drank. When you were finished with the water, he looked at you.

“Do you need anything else before we go another round, little Luna?” He asked of you while he had a smirk on his face. You were still blushing hard and shook your head no.

You wanted to be leaving here with a stomach rounded out from being stuffed with cum and having your hole dripping with his seed. He lined up with your hole before sliding in. He looked to you to make sure you were ok before thrusting. He gave you his knot this time to give you a higher chance of getting pregnant. You had released sooner than you thought you would. You could feel the hot spray of his seed in your womb as he released. He didn’t pull out and instead he kissed you again as he began to thrust more as he was determined to give you his litter. About an hour or so passed before the both of you were spent and he finally pulled out, put his member back in his pants, and laid next to you. He turned to face you and intertwined his fingers with yours. He propped himself up on his elbow and looked at your cum-filled stomach and put a hand on it as he kissed your head.  

“Go use the bathroom love. Is there anything else you want?” He asked as you sat up and discovered just how sore your hole was.

“C-can you help me to the bathroom? My legs feel like jelly.” You asked him. He nodded and stood up. He picked you up bridal style and carried you to the bathroom. He set you on the toilet and left you to do your business and he went through his drawers and pulled out one of his shirts and pulled out a pair of fresh underwear provided by Midnight for the customers.  He walked back to the bathroom door, knocked a couple times and opened the door a bit.

“You can wear these for now.” He said as he handed the clothes to you and closed the door again. You got changed and finished using the bathroom. You called for him to come in. Shouta was waiting there so he could scoop you up in his arms and carry you back to the nest. You held onto him and he held you close. While you were in the bathroom, he had added a couple pillows, a heating pad, and some more water bottles to the nest and the surrounding area. He then set you down in the nest and sat outside the nest looking in on you.

“T-Thank you, Shouta.” You said as you put the heating pad on your lower back.

“I’d do anything for you.” He told you as he kissed your head and wagged his tail a bit.  

“Can you get some food for us? I’m hungry.” You told him. He nodded and got back up again.

“What do you want?” He asked.

“I’d like F/F.” You requested. He nodded and pulled a shirt on before leaving the room and closing the door behind him. This left you to get comfortable in the nest and doze off a bit before he came back. Your mate soon returned with your favorite food and something for himself to eat. He set your food in the nest next to you before he leaned in and brushed a few strands of hair from your face. He kissed your forehead which made you scrunch your face a bit and wake up.

“Have a nice nap, kitten?” He asked as you noticed the bag with your favorite food inside.

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep but I was so tired after we mated.” You told him while eating your food.

“I did you put you through the ringer earlier. You can stay until morning. Now that I have a mate, I need to move out. I want to stay loyal to you. Even more so if you’re gonna have a litter.” He said as he ate his food.  

“I have a small apartment that we can share.” You told him. He smiled a bit.

“I don’t have much. Just what’s here in this room.” He responded.

“I can help you pack up tomorrow. I live down the block.” You said smiling.  

“We can have some of the other guys help carry my stuff to your apartment.” He told you. You nodded and smiled. Shouta took the to-go containers and put it outside his room. He then walked back to where you were in the nest and laid next to you.  

“Thank you.” You told him. The look on Shouta’s face was that of a puppy wanting to climb into bed with you. You smiled and put your fingers into his ebony locks and stroked one of his wolf ears that poked out of his head.

“Get in here. Just be careful, I’m still sore down there.” You told him. His face lit up and he climbed into the nest and laid behind you. He wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you gently into his embrace. You couldn’t be happier than you were right now. You had a mate and a very large possibility of a litter on the way. Shouta had his hand over your swollen stomach and was kissing your neck and ear. He was happy too.

“Thank you for being my mate, kitten. I’m happy you asked me to be your alpha. I will help you through each and every heat that you have if you’ll let me.” He told you and slid a hand up your shirt. You blushed and pressed into him.  He smirked and cuddled you.  

“You just rest now. You’re gonna be growing a litter here soon, Kitten.” He told you. You closed your eyes and dozed off in his arms. He kept you close all through the night as there were others going to their rooms with people that had come in earlier that evening. You woke up a little bit and flipped over so you were facing Shouta. You nuzzled into his chest and he woke up too.

“What’s wrong kitten?” He asked quietly.

“Others are making noise.” You responded as you blinked up at him.

“That’s normal here.” He chuckled. You blushed and hid your face. He looked down at you.

“I have an idea. Why don’t you come under my shirt to keep you warm? How does that sound?” Shouta suggested. You liked the idea and with his help he lifted the hem of his shirt and slid under his shirt. You hummed and nuzzled his chest. He stroked the back of your head as you pressed your face into his chest and dozed back to sleep. He pulled the sleeping bag around you two and zipped it up before he fell back asleep.

 Morning came and you woke up sleepily. You looked up to see Shouta looking down at your sleeping form.

“Morning kitten, did you sleep ok?” He asked.

“Yeah. After I got under your shirt, I zonked out quickly.” You said giggling.

“Do you want breakfast?” He asked.

“Are you allowed to do that still? Even now that I’m your mate?” You asked as you didn’t want him to get in trouble.

“I’ll be fine. I’ll tell Midnight what happened last night and she will have some of the other guys come up when we’re ready to go.” He reassured you as he unzipped the sleeping bag. You whined as you didn’t want to leave the warmth that he gave you.

“You can cuddle me more once we’re settled in your apartment, ok kitten?” He said looking down at you then helping you leave his shirt which was now stretched out. He stood up and let you be wrapped up in the sleeping bag. He knelt down and kissed your head before he left to get food. He stopped at the door.

“What do you want?” He asked.

“Pancakes with chocolate chips?” You asked cutely.

“Anything for you, kitten.” He told you before leaving. You rolled over and snuggled back into the sleeping bag to rest your eyes more before you had to get up. A few minutes later, Shouta came up with some pancakes for the both of you.

“Hey, sleepyhead. Wake up. Your breakfast is here.” He told you teasingly and licked your cheek. You opened your eyes.

“All I see is you~.” You said while blushing hard.  

“Do you want me for breakfast too, kitten?” He asked as he leaned closer to you and kissed you. He lured you out of the sleeping bag and into the cold air.

“I know you don’t like the cold but the warm and fluffy pancakes that are dripping with syrup and waiting to be devoured by a rather ravenous kitten~.” He mused as he teased you with the pancake. You reached over to take a bite but he pulled it just out of reach. You whined and retreated back into the nest. He tore off a bit of the fluffy breakfast item and held it in his mouth. He made a come here gesture with his finger and you obeyed and he prodded your mouth with the pancake which you gladly ate from his mouth and then kissed him. You hummed and climbed into his lap. He tore off another piece and fed you bit by bit until the first pancake was gone. There was two more in one of the containers. He looked at the pancakes then at you.

“We have some time before Midnight kicks the customers out. Why don’t we have some fun~.” He told you as a sly smirk tugged at the corners of his mouth. You smiled and nodded in agreement.

“Where do you want me?” You asked.

“Lay down for me, Y/N.” He instructed of you. You laid down and looked kept eye contact with him. He smirked and pushed the shirt up past your stomach.

“Still so pretty~. “He told you. He reached over to one of the pancakes and ripped it in half. He then tore up each of the halves into smaller pieces and trailed them up your legs. He took the extra maple syrup and trailed it up and down your legs. He sat back and admired the pretty picture in front of him. You blushed hard and nodded to give him approval to start. He laid down and started at your ankles. He licked the syrup that had dripped down and almost onto the floor. He sucked a bit and licked up to the piece of pancake and he ate it before kissing your shin. He licked up to the knee and ate the piece of pancake that was there before going up to the rest of the chunks of pancake that were on your thigh. He reached your hip and sucked a mark into the soft flesh of your hip before moving back down, starting at the ankle of your other leg. Shouta copied the same process with your other leg until he was panting over your lower area.

“Now, for my meal~.” He hummed and went down on you.

He had finished just as there was banging on his door.

“Hey Shouta! You gotta wrap it up in there. Midnight wants the customers out in ten!” A loud voice called from the other side of the door. Shouta groaned and pulled away from you.

“Go put a pair of my shorts on and follow me. I’ll carry you down to Midnight and tell her that you’re my mate.” He said as he helped you up to your feet and helped you to his dresser. He pulled out a pair of black shorts and helped you into them.

“There you go. Do you think you can walk?” He asked you. You shook you head no and he picked you up to wrap your legs around his waist.  He kissed your cheek and carried you down to the main room which looked completely different than how it was the night before. You peeked out from under your hair and saw some of the others. You searched for your friend that should’ve been next to the fiery red head. He saw you and spoke.

“I sent your friend home when we were done. They should be fine.” He said and you relaxed. Shouta sat down with you in his lap next to a long-haired blonde that had the same voice as earlier. You recognized him as the DJ from last night. You hid your face in the crook of your mate’s neck as Midnight approached them all. She sat down and addressed them about what happened last night and reminded them some of the rules. Shouta held you tightly as she reminded the group about having the customers leaving before morning. Midnight’s eyes darted to Shouta and she smiled.

“I see that you finally found yourself a mate. You remember the terms that we decided on, right?” She asked. He nodded.

“I need help with moving my stuff into Y/N’s apartment down the street.” He asked.  A couple of the beefier men including the orca looking guy pitched in to help.

“When we’re done here the boys can help you.” Midnight said. A few of the other alphas in the room congratulated you and Shouta.  You blushed and hid your face in Shouta’s chest.

“I’m gonna go back up and get my stuff sorted.” Shouta told the group as he stood up and went back to his room.  He set you down in the nest before going about his room and sorting the small amount he had.  The loud blonde came up with some empty boxes and helped his friend pack his clothes and bedding. He walked back over to the nest and checked in on you a few times before he had to take the nest apart and leave you with the sleeping bag. When everything was packed, Shouta’s friend went down and came back with the bouncer from the night before and a new person that also had blonde hair. They helped carry the boxes and a couple pieces of furniture downstairs and out of the establishment. Shouta carried you in his sleeping bag after the other men. You led them to your apartment down the street and helped them inside. You instructed them where to put the boxes and furniture. They left soon after, leaving the two of you alone. He set you down on your bed and kissed you.

“Your place looks nice. I’ll go unpack. You rest, kitten.” He said as he kissed your head and left the room to go unpack. He dragged a box into your room where his dresser was and sorted the clothes back into the drawers as you slept. He wanted to stay close to you even now. He felt like he had to protect you. He could sense that you were pregnant even though you didn’t believe him. He finished sorting his clothes and went to the box of his bedding and made a nest around you. He slid in and held you close to his chest. He dozed off, now feeling safe in his new home and next to his new mate that he loved so dearly.  

Two weeks went by and you adjusted to your new life with your mate. You didn’t feel top notch though. You had nausea and fatigue. You didn’t want to move from the nest as the slightest movement would make you want to run to the bathroom and puke out your guts. You had developed the oddest cravings. One of your cravings was pickle juice as a brine for raw meat that you were craving. You also couldn’t seem to get enough pineapple juice, Gatorade, and milk. The smell of fish made you want to puke. Shouta was willing to get up at early hours when you would wake him when you had an intense craving for whatever you were craving that week. One afternoon, You, were sitting on the couch and devouring a tray of chicken nuggets with mac and cheese as Shouta came over and sat down next to you.

“Hey, Y/N? I wanna talk to you about something.” He told you.

“What is it?” You asked as you ate.  He looked at you with concern and spoke.

“Remember about two weeks ago when we met?” He asked you. You blushed and nodded.

“I think with all your recent cravings and nausea, I believe you’re pregnant.” He said smiling a bit.

“You really think so?” You asked as you finished your ramen and set the plate on the coffee table.

“Yes, I do. I went out and got a pregnancy test when I got the ice cream you requested.” He told you.

“Ok. Where is it?” You asked.

“On the bathroom counter.” He told you. You got up with some help and went to the bathroom to take the test. Shouta stood as well and took your plate into the kitchen to wash it. You came out a few minutes later and showed him the positive test. He picked you up and held you close. The both of you were happy and excited. Shouta kissed you and knelt down to your stomach that was showing the slightest bit.  He kissed your stomach and hugged you.

“Thank you, Y/n. I am very happy. You have helped me with that. I love you so much.” He told you and kissed you again.

“I will go set up a doctor’s appointment for later this week.” You spoke. He nodded and told you that he wanted to go with you to the appointments.  You set up an appointment and he made a special dinner for the both of you to celebrate. He pulled you close when you had finished setting up the appointment and held you close to his chest.

“C’mon. I made us dinner.” He said and led you to the bedroom where a pizza was laid out on the bed. He had redone the nest and climbed in. He helped you in and he shared a pizza with you. The two of you spent the rest of the evening dreaming of the future and what it would hold for the both of you.

 The end.

[witcher-and-his-bard-archive]

Just The Way You Are

also on ao3

written for the Monster March prompt list prompt: horns and fangs

Jaskier has never understood why people call witchers monsters. It's true, they're different, but so are cats and dogs and horses and people like them just fine. Jaskier just sees Geralt as Geralt and always has. He's no different than any other person he's met - a little more coordinated and he dies a little less easy - but otherwise the same. People are so cruel and dismissive of Witchers, but Jaskier is a firm believer that they deserve nice things as much as the next person, maybe even more, and so, he decides to take it upon himself to do nice things for Geralt. Like surprise him in Kaedwen when he comes down from the keep.

Only it turns out Jaskier is the one to get a surprise. He's never understood why people call Witchers monsters. Not until now.

He spots the hooded figure passing between shops and he's sure it's Geralt, but he doesn't want to approach until he's absolutely certain. So he sneaks between the buildings, trying to get ahead of him and catch a glimpse of his face. Maybe-Geralt pauses in front of a stall and for a moment Jaskier thinks he's stopping to buy something, so he sneaks away, but when he comes around the other side of the house, he stops dead.

His breath catches and for a second, he's certain that even his heart stops beating.

The man in the market is certainly Geralt, he knows that now, but sprouting from the top of his head are two thick, curled horns. He tries to call out, but his mouth is dry and maybe it's for the best because Geralt’s expression darkens suddenly and he sniffs at the air.

For the first time, Jaskier considers that maybe Geralt meets him further south for a reason. Maybe he doesn't want Jaskier to see him like this, he obviously takes measures to ensure that he doesn't. Fuck. He's gone and fucked this up, too.

Ducking back behind the building, Jaskier holds his breath, hoping that Geralt hasn't caught his scent. He knows if he has there's nothing for it, he's caught, but maybe-

"Jaskier."

Geralt's voice is low, right on the edge of a growl, and Jaskier winces. When he looks over, the hood is back in place, but Geralt's teeth are bared and they're barely teeth at all - at least the canines - more like fangs. He swallows hard and risks a glance up at his eyes.

"What are you doing here?" Geralt demands, moving at once to pin Jaskier's shoulders against the wall. Jaskier doesn't know what to say. He shifts uncomfortably, unwilling to look Geralt in the face.

It's not the first time Geralt's been upset with him, but this time Jaskier’s intentions were genuine, he just didn't think it through all the way. Or rather, he hadn't considered that after fifteen years together, there are still things Geralt keeps from him. Deflated, Jaskier wrenches out of his grasp and picks up the bag he dropped when Geralt shoved him. He's embarrassed, feels like an idiot for thinking Geralt might be happy to see him and now on top of it, he's intruded on something he was never supposed to see.

Geralt doesn't stop him from walking away and Jaskier tries not to think too much about that.

He books a room at the inn and doesn't bother to go down for dinner. He doesn't know what to do with himself, because if he can't travel with Geralt - and he certainly didn't seem like he was happy to see him - what can he do? Certainly not go back to Oxenfurt and admit to all his peers that yet again, he was a fool and thought someone cared when they didn't.

It's just that fifteen years is a long time. Nearly half his life. And for Geralt who rarely lets himself form attachments well, Jaskier had thought maybe it meant something to Geralt. It did to him.

Jaskier doesn't even bother to put his things away before flopping onto the bed and staring up at the beams. Geralt had been so angry. He had just wanted to do something nice, he should have known showing up himself would not be welcome. But maybe this is for the best, maybe everyone was right when they told him he couldn't follow Geralt around forever.

But he had wanted to. For the last fifteen years of his life, Jaskier has wanted nothing more than to have Geralt in his life, even if nothing ever comes of it. He's never been greedy, never wanted more than he thought Geralt would be willing to give. And look where it's gotten him? Geralt doesn't even trust him enough to show him what he really looks like.

Geralt lingers as Jaskier hurries off away from him, and he can hardly blame him. He wouldn't stay either if he’d found out the person he'd been travelling with was a monster. Jaskier tries to convince him he's not, but the thought has always been there, nagging at him. He just hasn't seen you, it says and Geralt knows it's true. He is a monster. Whatever happened to him during that second round of trials took away the remaining sliver of humanity. He'd tried so hard to hide it, to try and keep Jaskier for just a little longer, but Jaskier shows up here and how is he supposed to plan for that?

And what is Jaskier doing here in the first place? Geralt needs this time to himself. Needs a chance to hole up and file down the horns and the fangs, to make himself presentable. To visit the brothel before returning to the torture that is travelling with Jaskier.

Jaskier showing up here had thrown him off. He'd been overcome with shock and confusion and fear. Fear that Jaskier would see him like this and hate him. Fear that this one minor incident would ruin everything he's worked so hard for.

Fear had taken over and he had reacted... badly. It's no wonder Jaskier had left him there, no wonder he didn't want to be seen with him when the first time Jaskier sees what he really looks like, he practically attacks him. Fuck, he really is the monster everyone always says he is.

After everything Jaskier has done to try and prove to the world that Witchers have been given a bad name, that they're not mindless, emotionless killing machines, this is how he repays him. He has to fix this, if not for him then for his brothers' reputation and for Jaskier's peace of mind. The last thing he wants is for Jaskier to think he's in any danger with him. With a sigh, he pulls his pack higher on his shoulder and heads toward the inn.

He catches the scent of Jaskier's perfume as soon as he walks through the door and it tugs at something in his chest. It's bright and floral, but there's a tinge of despair, of sadness intertwined with it. It's not fear though, and while Geralt struggles to comprehend that, the innkeeper passes over a key. Geralt follows the directions to his own room, ridding himself of his pack and swords. He strips his armour, leaving him in only a thin black shirt and his trousers. Before he leaves the room, he pulls his travelling cloak back over his head and shoulders.

He finds Jaskier's room in a matter of minutes and stands outside the door. He's faced griffins and fiends and hired assassins and none have come close to the fear that surges through him now. Because if he failed there, he just died, plain and simple; a fitting end for a Witcher. If he fails now, he loses the person most important to him. He's glad Jaskier isn't the one with heightened senses, glad that he doesn't know how long Geralt stands outside the door before lifting to hand to knock.

But he does. And as soon as he does, Geralt’s chest tightens and he wants to leave. There's a shuffling from within and then the door pulls in and Jaskier is right there. It catches him off guard and before he can consider what Jaskier might be thinking, he blurts out,

"Let me explain," and then doesn't know what to say. What do you say? What are you supposed to say to a man who's known you half his life and only now learns you have horns. Geralt shifts, looking at him. Jaskier says nothing, but he moves aside, letting Geralt come into the room. The door shuts behind him and a wave of fear crashes down over him.

Jaskier looks sad, confused, hurt. He doesn't know where to start.

"I know you're mad and I understand-"

"You're the one who slammed me into a building," Jaskier chokes. The anger is there, Geralt expected it, but it's being smothered by something else, something stronger, like ivy around a sapling.

"I'm sorry," he winces. He is. He never meant to hurt Jaskier, not emotionally and certainly not physically. "I was... scared. I saw you and I didn't know what to do." His shoulders slump and he turns to look out the window, jaw clenched. "You're not supposed to see me like this."

"And why not?" Jaskier asks. The anger is toned down slightly, the other feeling still there but not so harsh. Geralt doesn't like it, doesn't like the feeling of it or the way it makes Jaskier's voice breaks and he wishes it would go away all together, but he doesn't know how to do that.

"I'm- Look at me, Jaskier. I'm a monster. I'm exactly what they say I am. A mutant, a freak." The anger scent remains, but it takes a sharp turn, twisting into something much more recognizable. Something he knows from tavern brawls and holding Jaskier back when they’re on the road when someone makes a snide comment.

"You absolutely are not. You're a liar and a terrible friend, but you're not a monster."

"What-"

"Why did you keep this from me?" Jaskier asks, that other feeling creeping up to regain dominance.

"I thought you'd-" Geralt drops his chin, staring at the floorboards between them. There's a crack down the center of one of them and he focuses on that instead of the sound of Jaskier's voice. "You were the only one who stuck around. You met me during the spring when they're shaved down and I- I was selfish."

"How?" Jaskier prompts. He sounds impatient, but excited, like he's anticipated what Geralt is going to say. But if he had, he wouldn't be happy about it.

"I didn't want you to hate me. I didn't want you to leave me. So I hid it from you. I became good at keeping them filed low during the warmer months and let them grow out during the winter. I didn't- it's why I never asked you to join me in Kaer Morhen."

Jaskier squints at him, disbelieving or confused, he's not sure, but the look is piercing and Geralt feels transparent under it, like Jaskier can tell every thought in his head. But he knows how that feels and this is not it. Jaskier is making assumptions if anything. Not that that thought is any less horrifying under the circumstances.

"So let me get this straight," Jaskier says, calmly, cooly. Too calm. "You once rescued me from the den of an incubus you thought would kill me if he tried to fuck me. Again, I might add. If you recall you walked in in the middle of it. You stopped me from leaving the bar with a vampiress one time because, and I quote, you don't need any help losing blood, and one time you intentionally gave me space to continue a quite lovely conversation with a, particularly amenable centaur. But you thought horns were a bit too much for me? Is that what I'm to understand Geralt?"

He doesn't know what to say to that. It's not just the horns, he supposes. But he doesn't need to give Jaskier another reason not to travel with him. Melitele knows there are enough of those already.

"Am I to believe that you're daft enough to believe that after fifteen years of traipsing over the continent with you, of writing you songs and cooking you supper and tending to your wounds- that horns would be the final straw? Geralt if you haven't noticed I've fucked dozens of people who are, to put it indelicately, much less human than you."

Geralt isn't sure how Jaskier's sex life is relevant, but he says nothing.

"I actually like them," Jaskier says, eyeing the hood. "Could I... look at them?"

Reluctantly, Geralt reaches up and pushes the hood back. The air feels cool on his head and he feels incredibly exposed letting Jaskier see him like this, but he shuts his eyes and ducks his head as Jaskier takes a step toward him.

"Can I touch?"

The air is punched from Geralt's lungs with that one simple question and he nods slowly, tucking his chin a little closer into his chest. Jaskier brushes his fingers along the curve of the left horn and the only way Geralt knows he's touching him is the way he hums with intrigue, similar to the way he hums at his lute when it's newly strung. He takes his time, reaching right down to the base and touching the more sensitive skin there. It doesn't hurt, but it ignites Geralt's instinct to protect himself, makes him feel like he should pull away, hide this from Jaskier again.

When Jaskier touches his head, he does. He's not sure what it is about the touch, maybe that he can fully feel it, but it snaps his restraint and he pulls back, breathless.

"Sorry," Jaskier whispers, "did it hurt?"

"No," Geralt admits, "just... unusual. No one's ever touched them before. Maybe Eskel when he helped me file them down the first few times."

"Why don't we," Jakier suggests, "come sit on the bed, take your cloak and your boots off. I'd like to get a better look at them. if that's okay?"

Geralt nods and Jaskier's hands are on him before he removes his cloak himself. He undoes the clasp with no effort, draping the cloak over his arm before directing Geralt to the bed. This is... not at all how he expected this to go down, but at least Jaskier hasn't turned him away yet. He toes off his boots and sits back on the mattress, leaning against the wall with his feet at the edge.

In a moment, Jaskier climbs up over him, making himself perfectly at home in Geralt's lap.

"There," he says proudly, "it's much easier to see like this and you won't' end up with a crick in your neck." Geralt remains silent, worried that he doesn't know the situation well enough to comment.

Jaskier's hands slip into his hair again, fingers looping around the base of both horns and he feels the faint tug and Jaskier slips up, following the curve of them with his hands.

"Do you brothers have them?" he asks. Geralt shakes his head.

"Second trials" he explains. "Lost the pigment in my hair and grew fucking horns."

"I like them."

Jaskier continues his ministrations, apparently happy to just sit and touch and nothing else. And Geralt relaxes under the touch, even if he can barely feel it. Jaskier isn't angry with him, doesn't hate him, and for now, that can be enough, But the air between them grows thick. He doesn't notice it right away, too preoccupied with Jaskier touching his horns, but the scent is what alerts him. Spicy, earthy, floral.

It's nice, he thinks absently, familiar and enticing. But he doesn't think too much about it. Not until Jaskier's little hums become softer, sweeter. The realization hits him so abruptly he nearly snaps his head back up, but he doesn't want to give Jaskier any more reason to leave him, although, maybe that's not as much of a problem as he thought.

"Are you... aroused by this?"

Jaskier huffs a little laugh, awkward, but not uncomfortable. "I just think they're sexy."

"Oh."

"Why, does it turn you on?"

"No," Geralt snorts, "I can barely feel it. If I could filing them down would be excruciating."

"Right," Jaskier realizes and Geralt can sense the thinly veiled horror in his voice."Anything else I should know about?"

Somewhat reluctantly, Geralt opens his mouth and pulls his lip back. He'd be horrified at the way Jaskier gasps if he couldn't smell the arousal wafting off of him.

"Fuck, Geralt, that's-" he reaches out, pressing the pad of his thumb to the point of Geralt's fang and smiles. It's a faint sort of thing, more amusing than outright joy, but he's fascinated and right now that's good enough.

Jaskier's finger slips along his bottom teeth, but Geralt shifts under him, dislodging him, and Jaskier's fingers brush his bottom lip before slipping forward, sliding between his lips and pressing against his tongue. Geralt's skin prickles just at the thought of it and when he looks up at Jaskier, he finds him wide-eyed and intrigued.

Their eyes meet and Jaskier holds his gaze. Then, cautiously, withdraws his fingers and runs them along the swell of Geralt's bottom lip, eyes dropping to watch the way they press against it.

"Geralt?" he whispers and Geralt realizes he's been so focused on Jaskier's fingers that he hasn't been paying attention to anything else. He's surprised to find he's got his hands settled on Jaskier's hips. His eyes flick down to his hands, then quickly back up to Jaskier's. The moment they meet again, his willpower snaps and he hauls Jaskier forward, one hand slipping to the back of his head to guide him.

The moment their lips collide, Geralt realizes this was inevitable. That one day Jaskier was bound to find out and want to know about them. His reaction though, Geralt never could have anticipated.

Geralt is... kissing him. It takes a second for his brain to catch up with what his body has already realized and he breaks the kiss with a jolt.

"You're not mad at me," he pants and Geralt just stares at him for a moment.

"No, I told you, I was afraid-"

"That I'd leave you." Jaskier finishes. Geralt nods. "I'd never leave you." He leans in again, trying for a softer, gentler kiss, but the way Geralt's hands press against him sends sparks across his skin.

Jaskier leans into it, parting his lips to deepen the kiss and Geralt's hand slips to his waist, one big, warm hand curling around his side. He pushes into the touch. It's not often he feels small or delicate with a lover, but Geralt does that for him and it's hotter than it has any right to be.

He parts his lips, deepening the kiss and Geralt moans softly against him. It's the most beautiful sound Jaskier has ever heard and he responds in kind, desperate to hear that sound again.

When they part again, Jaskier's breathing heavily and, much to his delight, so is Geralt. He leans back a little, far enough to look at Geralt's face, but not far enough to keep from touching him. He takes in the golden eyes staring back at him, the point of his teeth where Geralt's lips are parted, and the horns. Fuck, Geralt must be an idiot to think he wouldn't want him like this.

"Can I touch you- the rest of you?" he asks and Geralt grunts a yes, surging forward to hold him again.

Geralt gets both arms around him this time, lifting him off the mattress and rising to his knees. He shifts them so he's facing the head of the bed and as he settles, gently lays Jaskier back against the mattress. His head hits the pillow and Geralt settles between his thighs, slipping his hands over Jaskier's hips.

Jaskier reaches up to him, running his hands over Geralt's shoulders, down his arms. He follows the lines of his chest through his shirt, straight down to his trousers where he tugs the fabric free. His fingers slip beneath it and he sighs at the warmth of Geralt's skin on his fingertips. Geralt shudders against him and it gives Jaskier the encouragement he needs. Carefully, he curls his hands around the hem of Geralt's shirt, lifting it up and tugging it over his head.

He inhales sharply and Geralt pulls back just slightly. Jaskier is quick to explain his misunderstanding, slipping his hands around the back of Geralt's neck and sliding them down his shoulders.

"You're beautiful," he whispers.

"You've seen me naked a dozen times this week, Jaskier."

"Not like this."

And it's true. He's seen Geralt naked more times than he can count and he knows Geralt is sexy, knows the lines of his chest better than he should for never having seen them up close, but he's never seen him like this. Geralt is soft like this, so close, and Jaskier is allowed to touch him, Jaskier is allowed to look.

He brushes his fingertips over his nipples. Geralt gives a little gasp and his eyelids flutter.

"Wouldn't think it makes a difference," Geralt mumbles and Jaskier realizes he thinks he's talking about the horns.

"Oh it does, my darling, but I mean like this," he says, pulling Geralt lower over him. "Where I'm allowed to touch you."

"You're always allowed," Geralt mumbles, chin dripping to inadvertently give Jsskier a better look at his horns. He reaches out, slipping his fingers down to the point again. "I just... can't help the way I react when I'm too close to you."

"What do you mean?"

"You make me want things I shouldn't, make me think about things I can't have-"

"Bullshit. What shouldn't you have? What can't you have?"

Geralt lifts his head to look at him, meeting his eyes for a moment and then, "you," he says sadly. Jaskier doesn't give a chance to respond before Geralt continues, evidently relieved to get this off his chest. "You spread your affection so wide, in every town and village and I- it's different with me. You're soft and kind, but how could you want... you have your choice of any person on the continent, how could I-'' he cuts himself off with a sound that Jaskier would call a sob from anyone else.

"What are you saying, Geralt? You don't think I could want you? Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?"

Geralt just snorts at him and moves to pull away, but Jaskier rolls him onto his back and straddles his hips.

"Do you know how wonderful you are?" He pushes his hands through Geralt's chest hair, pressing his fingertips into his skin. "How could I not want you? Do you see me following anyone else around?"

"You're always with someone, always inviting someone else into your bed-"

"Because you wouldn't have me. Or, I thought-" He shifts a little, and suddenly Geralt's hands are sliding up his back, pressing him down against him.

"You thought wrong," he breathes, and then he's kissing him again, soft and slow. One hand slips up into his hair and Jaskier sighs against his lips, letting his eyes fall shut.

He slumps against Geralt's chest, pressing his hands to either side of Geralt's face and he kisses him softly. He pours all of his affection into ever, every feeling he's never been able to share with Geralt, every little thought that he's thought would be too much for him. He rocks against him, pressing their bodies together. He wants to feel Geralt, to be as close as he can for whatever time he has with him.

But then Geralt is pressing back, arching off the bed and wrapping one arm tightly around Jsskier's back until they're so close Jaskier can barely move. He nips at Geralt's lips, pushing back the words that bubble to the surface, the words he wants so desperately to say. He's been holding back for years and maybe now he's allowed? Maybe now Geralt would be amenable - her certainly seems to be so far.

And Jaskier is so caught up in the thought, in the idea of being able to tell Geralt how he feels, that he doesn't realize he's being rolled over until he's on his back and Geralt isn't touching him anymore. He rises to his knees, breaking the kiss only to mouth at Jsskier's jaw and down the side of his neck.

Geralt nips at his collarbone, runs his tongue along the ridge of it and sucks at the skin just below. There will be marks in the morning, Jaskier is sure of it, and he's already itching to look at them. But Geralt doesn't give him much of a chance to think about it before he's nuzzling at Jaskier's neck again, the tips of his fangs just barely brushing against his skin. And Jaskier shudders. The motion goes through his whole body and a soft whine escapes his lips. How the fuck Geralt ever thought seeing him like this would be a bad thing is beyond him.

"Jaskier," he whispers, "I want you. Can I?"

"Anything," Jaskier gasps, "please Geralt, anything."

Geralt hums against him and meets his eyes for just a second before lowering them again to Jaskier's chest. He presses soft kisses into the skin, slipping down to nuzzle into his chest hair and Jsskier is preoccupied with the warmth of his breath and then Geralt's fingers brush over a nipple and he cries out, arching off the bed as Geralt pinches it between his fingertips. It's still gentle, still softer than he's used to, but it's Geralt.

It's Geralt touching his chest and kissing his neck and playing with his nipples. It's Geralt kneeling over him and Geralt breathing against his skin and it's... a lot. Automatically, Jaskier reaches out to him, pulling Geralt close so he can bury his face in his neck.

Geralt works a hand between them, slipping down to fumble with the clasps on Jaskier's trousers and then he's pulling away just enough to be able to undo the clasps. Jaskier groans as his trousers are shoved away, discarded off the side of the bed, but then Geralt is fumbling with the buttons on his own and a wave of heat engulfs him.

This is really happening.

In his 33 years, Jaskier has slept with kings and queens, counts and countesses, and he's never wanted someone so badly as he wants Geralt. It makes him a little anxious and he has to swallow back his self-doubt as Geralt shifts out of his clothes and settles on his knees between Jaskier's thighs.

Without breaking the kiss, he slips his arms under Jaskier's knees, pressing them back against him until he's leaning over him again. Geralt deepens the kiss, pressing down on him and Jaskier groans despite himself. Geralt's cock brushes against his hip and he's hard. It tugs at something deep inside him and Jaskier wraps his arms around Geralt's neck, fingers pushing into his hair.

He shifts against the mattress and Geralt pulls his arms back. His mouth doesn't leave Jaskier's, even as he reaches for something off the side of the bed. When he settles again, he's got a bottle in his hand and Jaskier whimpers at the thought of it.

Geralt draws away, breaking the kiss with a hum and kissing down Jaskier's chest. He doesn't hesitate to wrap his mouth around the head of his cock and then he's bobbing gently, sliding halfway down his cock and slipping back to the head. Jaskier's eyes drop shut and he focuses on the feel of him, the warmth of his mouth, the softness of his hair in his hands.

When one of Geralt's hands presses against him, he hums encouragingly but doesn't move otherwise, afraid of breaking whatever spell he's under. He doesn't want to risk ending this, doesn't want to risk almost losing Geralt again.

Geralt slips a finger into him and Jaskier reaches up, smoothing his hands up the curve of Geralt's horns. He tries to keep steady, to keep from getting too worked up, but it's hard. Because this is Geralt, this is something he's wanted for years - what if it goes badly? What if it's terrible and Geralt no longer wants him?

A second finger presses into him and Jaskier gasps, startled from his thoughts. Geralt's eyes meet his and he looks worried, questioning.

"Is this too much?" he asks, "we don't have to-"

"No. No, I want you, I want this. Please." Jaskier's fingers slip to the base of his horns, brushing almost nervously where the flesh meets horn. "I just want to be good enough for you."

"You are," Geralt says immediately, "more than enough."

Their lips met again and Geralt's fingers press in a little more firmly. Heat rolls up Jaskier's spine, but he's not aching for it, he's not desperate to come. His cock is hard against his hip, but he wants to be close to Geralt. He wants his arms around him, wants to wrap his legs around Geralt's waist and just press himself against him. He wants the press of skin on skin, unhindered by clothes or blankets of any number of things that have kept them apart in the past.

He just wants Geralt and it doesn't matter how.

When Geralt finally pushes into him, Jaskier groans at the stretch. It's good, so good, and Geralt presses down against him again. Jaskier takes the opportunity to wrap around him and they move together easily, as though they were built for each other. Geralt kisses and nips and Jaskier loves so deeply he can't cope.

He hates the tears that bead in the corners of his eyes, hates the emotion that threatens to tear him apart and he buried his head in Geralt's neck to distract himself. Before he can get his arms around him properly, Geralt pulls back. As soon as he sees his face, Geralt's features pinch together.

"Jaskier-"

"Fuck," Jaskier whines weakly, "Geralt."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Jaskier whimpers. He reaches up to Geralt, wanting to pull him close again. He doesn't want Geralt to see him, doesn't want him thinking he's too much, too emotional.

Geralt guides him back against the mattress and detangles their arms, leaning up on one elbow. Jaskier is embarrassed. He's a renowned lover, known for giving his partners the greatest pleasure and in the face of Geralt and one tiny bit of genuine affection, he breaks down.

He crosses his arms over his face but Geralt just wraps gentle fingers around his wrists and pulls them back.

"Hey," he whispers and there's worry in his voice that only makes Jaskier shudder. He chokes on a sob and turns his face, pressing his forehead against Geralrt's wrist.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles, but Geralt just brushes his thumb over his forehead.

"For what?"

"I'm... " he doesn't know what to say. A mess? too much? not good enough for you? "okay."

"Jask, you're crying. Is it me?"

"No," he blurts, "no, Geralt, I-" a gentle thumb presses beneath his eye, wiping a tear away and that only makes it worse. "I love you," he whispers, so quiet he's sure no one will hear it. But Geralt, aside from his horns and his fangs, has sensitive hearing.

"And that's... bad." He says. It's not a question.

"No. No, but I- I fucked up. I almost lost you-"

"Jaskier," Geralt says softly, "you didn't. I was afraid you'd hate me like this, that you'd see me as the monster everyone else does. I was angry because I thought I was going to lose you."

"I know I'm a lot to put up with-"

"You're not."

Jaskier huffs a wet laugh. "I talk too much and I get in trouble you have to get me out of and I'm too slow and too annoying and too-" Geralt quiets him with a soft kiss to the tip of his nose.

"Once," he says, "at a tavern in Posada, I would have believed those things. I don't anymore." He brushes his fingers down Jaskier's side, settling his palm against his hip. "If I really thought you were too much, I wouldn't be here now." He dips down, kissing him on the mouth again.

Jaskier can't help but sink into it and when Geralt shifts back on top of him, Jaskier winds around his neck again. Geralt breaks the kiss, kissing Jaskier's jaw and down his neck.

"We can stop if you want?"

"No," Jaskier mumbles.

"What do you need?"

"Just... you."

"Yeah," Geralt breathes, "yeah, okay."

He shifts his hips, resuming his slow but steady rhythm and Jaskier clings to him. He can't believe he came so close to losing Geralt tonight, to losing him and losing this forever. A swell of emotion threatens to rise up again and overwhelm him, but he kisses Geralt, holds him tight and focuses on the weight of his body against his own.

His fingers trail absently around the base of a horn, bumping over the uneven skin there. The horns themselves are smoother than expected, probably because they're so fresh, but he likes the sensation of them under his fingers and Geralt seems pleased about it.

Sparks skitter across Jaskier's skin as Geralt's pace quickens and he gaps against his mouth as Geralt rocks into his prostate. Even when Geralt's lips aren't on him, they hover above his skin, hot breath creating goosebumps in its wake. And when he kisses him, it seems a tremor audit through Jaskier's body, making his heart beat quicker and his toes curl in the sheets. He's never felt this way with anyone, never found himself chasing closeness before an orgasm, but he likes it.

He likes the sleekness of Geralt's horn under his palm, the tickle of his hair as it brushes his bare skin, the tackiness is dying away on Geralt's skin. All of it. He draws him close again, just as Geralt's hips give a little snap and it knocks the breath out of him.

"Can I touch you?" Geralt asks and Jaskier knows he won't last long with Geralt's hand on him, but for once that doesn't seem important.

"Please," he whispers and Geralt's palm slips up the underside of his cock, making him shudder.

"Good?" he asks and Jaskier just nods, a small sound escaping his lips as he rocks his hips into the touch.

Geralt's fingers wrap around him and it's like a wave of heat washing over him. Jaskier's entire body burns for him, arches off the bed to get closer to him. Geralt takes him apart so easily and it's only a matter of minutes before he's gasping for it, groaning his need into Geralt's shoulder.

Geralt rocks into him, stroking him in time with his thrusts and when he kisses him again, Jaskier shatters. He groans against Geralt's lips, rocking back onto him as he spills between them. His thighs shake and his arms feel like noodles around Geralt's neck, but he holds him closer anyway.

He's still breathless when Geralt's hips snap forward again and Jaskier can tell he's close in the way he shudders as he rocks into him. He tangles his fingers in Geralt's hair, kisses him hard. He wants this to be good, wants Geralt to know that he's safe here, he can be happy here.

When Geralt comes, it's with a quiet moan against Jaskier's chest and he stays there for a moment, breathing against his skin. When he pulls away, he wraps his arms around Jaskier's shoulder, pulling him onto his side so they're still facing each other. Neither speaks and Geralt kisses him again, slow and gentle. His hand comes up to cup the back of his head, and Jaskier hums softly against his lips.

They part again on a shaky breath and Jaskier bumps his forehead against Geralt's. He doesn't want to ask him to stay, he's still too afraid to hear him say no. But he doesn't want Geralt to go. It's already hard enough losing him over the winter, he can't bear the thought of being parted any longer than that. He shuts his eyes and presses close, pacified by the way Geralt's arm tightens around him.

"Next winter," Geralt mumbles, abrupt, "come with me. There's nothing left for me to hide and I... miss you over the winter. I worry about you." Jaskier's heart soars, despite his best efforts to keep his emotions restrained.

"You'd want me there?" he asks, "with your brothers?"

"Yeah. And they've been bugging me about it since I first mentioned you."

"You talk about me?" Jaskier asks, pulling back to look at him. Geralt tips his head up, golden eyes shining even in the dim light.

"Of course. You're-" he pauses as though unsure of what exactly Jaskier is. "I love you, too," he whispers at last, eyes lowered.

It feels like a dream, like any moment Jaskier will wake up and be back hiding behind that building or worse - alone in his room. But when he kisses him, Geralt is warm and solid against him and Jaskier buries himself in that warmth.

He will never, could never, understand how anyone can see this man as a monster.

[mercy-burning]

Losing You Twice / 1: If I Hated You

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: It’s Valentine’s Day weekend, and it turns out Y/N isn’t the only one struggling with the breakup. Category: Smut (18+), Angst Content Warnings: Language, drinking/getting drunk, penetrative/unprotected sex (If I missed anything, please let me know!) Word Count: 5,538

SERIES MASTERLIST | MASTERLIST

“My bedtime is the darkest, that’s when I’m brokenhearted. The nighttime is the hardest. It’d be easy, if I hated you.” —FLETCHER, If I Hated You

FEBRUARY 13th

It was Valentine's Day weekend, which sucked this time around. Every year for the past three years Y/N looked forward to Valentine's Day, but that was when she actually had someone to spend it with.

Well, someone she actually cared about, anyway... Whether or not Spencer actually knew it, she did really care about him. She was just stupid and didn't say it when he needed to hear it the most.

And now Valentine's Day was on Saturday and Y/N was still without him. Not alone, but still without the man who'd spent the significant holiday with her for the past three years. Memories of their dates and 'afterparties' flooded through her mind as she got ready for work like a montage, a cheesy love-song playlist she'd found on Spotify acting as the soundtrack.

Eventually she sighed and turned it off, opting for something more loud and obnoxious, and therefore not tainted by Spencer's memory. She applied what was left of her makeup and added a pair of earrings before turning the music off altogether and shoving her phone in her bag alongside her keys and other necessities.

Even though she wasn't emotionally prepared for all the cheesy Valentine's things she'd see and hear and experience throughout the weekend, it was still kind of nice to see that things in the bank never changed during the holidays— Everything in her life was so severely different at the moment, that if Marjorie had somehow decided to throw out all her elaborate decorations for each holiday, no matter how small, Y/N would have thought the world was truly ending.

Speaking of, she was met with Marjorie's brighter-than-the-sun smile almost immediately once she set her things in the breakroom.

"How's my little macaron this morning?" she chirped, Y/N chuckling slightly at the nickname— She brought macarons from the bakery down the street on her first birthday she spent at the bank, and ever since then, the older woman had adorned her with the namesake.

"She's alright, Marj... Better now that she's seen you..."

"That boy still on your mind, hon?"

Obviously Marjorie's intentions were good, but Y/N couldn't stand to think about the situation at all, least of all at work... So, setting her jacket on the rack, turned away so that her coworker wouldn't see the visible discomfort on her face, Y/N squeezed her eyes shut and cleared her throat. "So, what are your plans with Geno tomorrow night? Anything special?"

There was a brief pause before Marjorie cleared her throat as well. "Nothing short of our usual dinner plans, my dear. He's been so caught up with work at the Mill lately, I think we're just going to spend the night relaxing."

"Hm," Y/N said shortly, finally turning around and giving her the best smile she could. "Maybe I should take a page from your book and stay in..."

"You weren't going to?"

"No... Britt's been nagging me about getting out there so we're going out tomorrow night. We both haven't been single in a long time, so... Should be fun."

Marjorie didn't look convinced. Either way, she nodded with a smile and walked over to Y/N with something glittery and bright red in her hand— A cheap beaded necklace to clip her nametag onto. She draped it over Y/N's neck and patted her shoulders. "Well, I want you to have fun. And remember that you still have to come to work on Monday. Whatever shenanigans you get into should be reserved for Saturday night only so you can rest properly on Sunday, got it?"

Y/N laughed, thankful for the playful tone in Marjorie's voice. "Yes, Ma'am."

"Oh, I joke, I joke," the older woman said with a bright laugh, turning to walk out of the break room. "A little..."

The smile on Y/N's face only really lasted until after Marjorie was out of sight, then she went into her bag and clipped her nametag onto the red beaded necklace with a sigh.

Was she excited to have a good night out with Britt? Of course. Hell, had it been literally any other day of the year, she would have been practically bouncing off the walls with excitement at the idea of going out to a bar, letting men hit on her until she finally let one of them take her back to his place for the night.

But it just felt like it was too soon.

Either way, she was glad that she'd get to see Britt again, after she'd been on vacation for Christmas and New Year's to see her family and only got back a few weeks ago. She'd seen her on Facetime of course, and they met up once for coffee right after Britt got back from her trip, but a well-needed night out and quality time getting ready together was something that had been missing from their friendship for almost a year.

Y/N knew Britt would most likely spend her time trying to hook them up with end-of-the-night dates, but maybe it wouldn't be so bad...

Even still, sleeping alone the night before was probably one of the worst spells of loneliness she'd ever had. It was normal to be sad spending the first Valentine's Day in years away from a significant other, but knowing how things ended between them—bitter and stained with words left unsaid—this time was just... cold.

And that was putting it lightly.

Y/N laid in bed that night, her eyes wide open and staring at the plastic glow-in-the-dark stars that adorned the ceiling. They used to give her comfort, but now they just reminded her of all the nights she'd spend with Spencer, listening to him tell stories about the constellations. They were some of the most peaceful memories she had.

And now those, too—those stars that had grounded her pretty much all her life and reminded her of the better days—were tainted by her inability to properly communicate.

She almost thought about taking them down.

But if she was really going to get over him this time, for good, then she'd have to learn to make new memories with the stars. Even if it was painful. Even if replacing those memories and writing new ones over them absolutely tore her soul to pieces.

And, as if that pain wasn't enough, that night Y/N dreamt of him, making love to her amongst the stars in every galaxy, only to wake up the next morning cold and alone.

FEBRUARY 14th

She promptly decided that she hated his guts.

It was Valentine's Day, Y/N was respectfully buzzed, and courtesy of two beers and four shots of tequila, she'd just deleted Spencer's number from her phone.

"I'm done," she said, waving a hand at Britt and shoving her phone in her purse. "He doesn't deserve my wallowing."

"Yeah!"

Britt was significantly the more drunk of the two, resulting in a fit of giggles after gaining some stares from the people around them at her sudden outburst.

Y/N smiled, finishing off another shot and shaking her head. "We need more!"

"More shots!" Britt hurried off to grab them, leaving her friend behind with a half-drunken smile that also only felt half-genuine.

Sure, she decided she hated Spencer's guts, but her heart didn't exactly agree well with that sentiment. Even after deleting his number from her phone, after downing all that alcohol, her heart still ached.

Y/N knew deep down that getting over him was going to take some time. A lot of time... But maybe one night of distraction would help.

So the shots kept coming, and by the end of the night, Y/N was just about at her limit.

Which was near black-out drunk. And when you're that drunk you tend to make decisions you wouldn't soberly condone.

Britt got into a cab, and she begged Y/N to come with her, but she assured her friend that she had someone to come pick her up. Eventually the cab driver got tired of their inability to decide, and when Y/N told him to go, he did, leaving her alone on the side of the street at 1am.

Unfortunately, it was incredibly cold, and she didn't really have anyone to come pick her up. And that's where the bad decisions started.

Y/N pulled her phone out, a long sigh escaping her as she dialed the number by heart.

Would he even pick up? He hadn't answered any of her calls or texts before, so why would it have been any different now? Not to mention it was Valentine's Day Weekend. With her luck, he was probably in bed with someone else. Someone who wasn't her. As she listened to the dial tone repeating in her ear, images of him wrapped up with somebody else—sleeping in the bed she'd slept in many times before—clouded her drunken brain and made her more angry than anything.

Her gut twisted, and she almost hung up.

But then the low buzz of the dial tone abruptly stopped and in its place came his voice.

"Y/N?"

Her name on his lips, even through the phone, was grounding, the anger in her system melting away and revealing a coat of drunken relief.

"Spencer! You answered!"

"Yeah... Are you— Is everything okay?"

"Pff, yeah, 'm-fine. Just really fucking cold."

"You're not outside, are you?"

"Duh, I'm outside... I wouldn't be cold in-side... Besides, I didn't call t'alk bout the weather, I need you t'come pick me up."

There was a brief pause, and for a moment Y/N didn't think he was going to say anything she wanted to hear. She swayed on the sidewalk, shivering and praying that he would throw her a bone, even if she'd regret it all in the morning.

"Where are you?" he said finally, and despite herself, she smiled.

FEBRUARY 15th

Spencer couldn't believe he was picking her up at near two in the morning.

Honestly, he'd initially thought about ignoring her call again, but remembering the day it was and taking note of the time, he figured she was most likely in some type of inebriated trouble.

His instincts were right, of course, but he wished that he could have been wrong. He wished she'd only been calling to drunkenly ramble on about how she missed him or maybe how he was stupid and she never wanted to see his face ever again, because that was normal. At least then he could have hung up after she was done and never thought about it again— it was a normal step in any relationship that helped move things along. They could have gotten on with their lives and it would have all been over.

But of course it was never that simple.

Y/N was never that simple.

He pictured her on the street near some bar, alone and cold and drunk, and of course he would have been the only one she could call to rescue her. After all, he'd been pretty much the only thing she'd ever known to make her feel safe.

Still, he wished he was capable of only giving her a ride home and then leaving.

But again, it was never that simple.

It was easy getting her into the car— that wasn't what he was worried about. Rather, it was the fated moment where she'd ask him to stay after he finally got her tucked safely into bed that worried him. Because it was bad enough that it was Y/N... It was her in all her alluring glory, and he'd never been able to deny her anything no matter how badly he tried or wanted to.

Now add on the fact that she was drunk, and most likely sad on their first Valentine's Day apart, and it was a recipe for disaster.

Even if she'd broken his heart, Spencer still cared about her.

Which is why he inevitably agreed to stay, at least until she fell asleep.

He knew her well enough to know all the ways she'd try to get him under the covers with her, so it was a familiar amusement that settled in his being when he was finally able to get on top of the covers with her underneath. But as he entertained her silly little questions with the right answers until she fell asleep, Spencer noticed something else accompanying that amusement.

Guilt.

And then anger for feeling guilty about her sadness— sadness that could have been avoided had she just gotten over whatever was holding her back and either returned his "I love you" or  told him she wasn't feeling the same way just yet.

All she had to do was talk.

He had a right to feel upset about Y/N holding back when he'd been nothing but patient, spending almost every year of their relationship trying to make her see that she had nothing to be afraid of. He'd given her every chance to talk about what she was feeling, whether it was happy or not, and every time she pushed it all away in favor of sex.

That wasn't what he wanted in a relationship, so he ended it. And there was absolutely nothing wrong with that.

So why was he feeling so fucking guilty?

He blamed his good nature and innate need to please people, to make them feel good and happy. But he also blamed Y/N and her adorable drunken sleeping face.

He watched as she slept, willing himself not to forget the way she hurt him. She'd completely stolen his heart and shattered it at the same time, and if he was being honest, she still held some of the pieces. But he couldn't get them back, not if he didn't want to risk shattering her own heart in the process.

It felt like they were tied together by some strong, invisible force that wouldn't break unless both of them broke right along with it.

So... maybe he could afford to leave those pieces of his heart with her. He'd have to if they were going to get out of this alive. Not unscathed, sure, but alive nonetheless.

Once he was sure she was deep in sleep, Spencer quietly and carefully got off the bed and navigated through her apartment, getting her a glass of water and leaving it on the table next to her bed. And because he couldn't help it, he cleaned up some of the clothes that were scattered around her floor, depositing them into the hamper and straightening out a few more things that were out of place.

He looked over at her sleeping figure one more time, sighed, and then left, keeping her bedroom door open just a crack.

***

Spencer knew he shouldn't have stayed longer.

Despite his better judgement, he'd plopped himself down on her couch after making sure she was sound asleep, hoping to catch his breath and sort through what he was feeling before he got behind the wheel. But of course, it was 2am and he was exhausted, and he couldn't stop himself from closing his eyes and drifting off.

And now he was sitting up, looking around the apartment through the lens of morning.

Though the curtains were sheer, they didn't provide much light, but enough of it showed him just how familiar the space was. Y/N hadn't moved anything around. The same art was on the same walls, the potted ivy plant on her mantle sat un-watered and withering, and every book and record and DVD on her shelves was in the exact same spot as they'd all been the last time he was there in December.

Meanwhile, after the breakup he'd re-arranged everything. He was so sure that they were through for good this time around that he wanted a clean slate. Not that he wanted to rid himself of her memory completely, but if he was going to move on from the hold she'd had on him, he had to do something...

And yet, he ended up at her apartment the morning after Valentine's Day all the same.

He heard the shower running faintly a couple rooms away. You didn't have to pass the couch to get there, so maybe she hadn't seen him sleeping and he could get away cleanly.

Spencer scrambled off the couch, thankful that he hadn't removed his jacket or his shoes and that he could just sprint towards the door without having to find any of his belongings.

But as luck would have it, the second he took a step, the shower turned off. He had to get out of there quickly, but if he did then she'd definitely know he'd stayed overnight. But if he went quietly, he wouldn't have enough time before she caught him.

Maybe I could hide...

He shook the thought with a roll of his eyes, settling on the clearest course of action, which was to make as quick of a getaway as he could. He'd try to be quiet as well, though the creaky door was going to be nearly impossible to get through without a sound.

His hand was on the doorknob when he heard her voice.

"You didn't think you could spend the night and then leave without saying goodbye, did 'ja?"

The pure amusement in her tone made his stomach churn, and it wasn't unpleasant in the slightest.

Spencer turned and smiled softly, avoiding looking at her completely. "Sorry. Didn't want to bother you."

"You're never a bother."

That sentiment held less amusement and more sincerity, which was what guided his eyes to meet the woman who said the words.

His stomach twisted again when he saw her, exactly like he knew she'd be— wrapped in nothing but a thin towel with near-dripping hair cascading down her back. Her legs were bare and exposed, the towel not only thin but short, which meant that her chest was also practically spilling out of it. Despite the obvious and inevitable hungover look in her eye, there was also a good splash of that mischief that'd always been there— the kind that spelled out trouble.

He needed to get out of there.

"Well, um... I'm glad I got you home safe," he said, clearing his throat. "I should... I should go."

"You sure you don't wanna stay for breakfast?"

Spencer could have sworn she was teasing him, dangling her body in front of him like a meal they both knew he wouldn't be able to resist. But then she added, "I've got everything I need for your favorite omelet," and he exhaled with a small smile, exhausted with his own mind for convincing him that she was out to pull him back in.

Still, he declined. "No, I... I shouldn't. But, uh, thank you..."

"You sure?"

This time when he looked up at her, she was closer. She was gently striding forward to meet him, and he half thought about backing up towards the door until he realized he was already there.

"I—I'm sure. Really."

"But you drove around all night just to take me home when I was drunk, the least I can do is feed you..."

"Eh, it's alright. It's... Nothing I haven't done before."

She stopped then, her eyes briefly dropping to the floor. It was like her whole demeanor changed—just for a second—from the prowess she'd always been, to what seemed to be a woman filled with sadness and regret. It didn't last long though, just enough for Spencer to notice it before she looked back up at him with that wicked gleam in her eye and a remark right at the tip of her tongue.

"Still. I feel bad, making you do all that for me... Especially now."

He wasn't sure what to make of this... It seemed like she was sincere, but she was also alluring, calling to him like a siren leading him to his ultimate demise. And while he'd come to know that as merely a part of her nature, he couldn't help but shake the feeling that she was doing it on purpose.

She was in a skimpy towel, after all, and she definitely knew how to use that to her advantage.

It didn't help that he didn't have the courage to leave. Everything inside of him right then longed to drop that towel and indulge himself once more. Putting aside all the heartache and the differences they shared, all he felt in that moment was the need to touch her— to get lost in her and never be found again.

She was his fatal flaw, and it was painfully obvious.

Spencer knew he shouldn't have stayed longer...

He was over to her in just three strides, throwing off his jacket and tossing it aside before cradling her face with his hands and bringing their lips together for the first time since Christmas Eve.

The small whine in her throat signaled that she hadn't expected it, but welcomed it all the same. The moment she lifted her arms to wrap around his neck, the towel fell to the floor, and there was no going back.

"What about breakfast?" Y/N breathed out once they pulled away for air.

Spencer contemplated, studying her face, seeing the way her eyes sparkled, and decided on the two words that sealed his fate.

"Screw breakfast."

Their lips were melded together almost as soon as the words left his mouth. And it wasn't long before every other part of their bodies were melded together as well.

Y/N helped him take the rest of his clothes off as they danced around the entryway and the living room. Everything was open, no walls separating the living room from the kitchen, so to compensate for the lack of breakfast they'd be eating, they migrated to the kitchen counter once Spencer had off everything but his boxers.

He trapped her against the cool marble of the countertop, her back hitting it solid and sending a shiver up her spine. Meanwhile his hands roamed her body, unsure of where to be other than on her at all times, whether it be her waist, her stomach, her arms, her breasts, or her ass. He wanted to feel all of her, and quite frankly she wanted the same.

She even told him so, in her own way, by bringing one of her legs up and wrapping it around his waist, pulling him closer to her as she wove her fingers through his hair and tasted his tongue with her own.

The action elicited a groan from his mouth, low and desperate. Spencer settled his hands on her waist and gripped it tight, silently telling her what to do.

So she jumped up and he helped guide her swiftly onto the counter. Her legs instinctively wrapped around his waist again, and he found himself grinding into her hips, urgent to feel every part of her. And thankfully she was feeling rather desperate herself, because she rolled her hips up into him in return, breaking their mouths apart just briefly to speak.

"Fuck me..."

There was so much he wanted to say to her in that moment— how badly he was feeling about keeping her entertained while he was slowly deteriorating inside from her emotional detachment and rejection, how much she frustrated him, and more prominently, how she was so goddamn impatient and that he was getting there...

But all that he could manage was a broken, desperate whisper of her name.

It was all he'd ever known.

All that frustration... All that anger, heartache, passion, and time apart combined beautifully into those few syllables that made up her name and tore him apart from the inside out.

And his hands were just as destructive.

Spencer deftly dropped his boxers to the ground and pushed forward, almost losing all sense of self the moment the head of his dick finally made contact with her cunt. He made his way inside of her and then used both of his hands to grip her waist and bring her closer, their mouths connecting harshly as they found one another once again.

His grip was bruising— not possessive in any way, but desperate, like he had to cling to her for dear life or he wouldn't live to see another day. He held himself inside her, sighing and whimpering into her mouth as she clenched around him. It was so familiar, so comfortable and exhilarating that he almost didn't even want to move. He thought about staying there, still inside her forever.

But as always, Y/N was insatiable.

She wrapped all her limbs around him and held on, rolling her hips and seeking friction in any way possible when she briefly tore her lips away from his.

"I need you, baby, please..."

Even as his heart started to rumble in his chest, well aware of the fact that she still probably didn't love him the way he loved her, Spencer gave her everything. He pulled out and snapped his hips forward again, setting a strong, steady pace that had Y/N's eyes rolling back, and the payoff of hearing her sigh out his name was more than enough to keep him going.

Her nails dug deliciously into his shoulders, the faint sting adding something reminiscent of gasoline to a fire. The flames grew taller and brighter the more he fucked her, and with each gradual increase of volume and intensity, it was a wonder the whole kitchen around them hadn't literally burst into flames.

That's how they always were.

Together like this, so lost in the high of each others' bodies, it was easy to forget the things that made their relationship so hard. It was easy to let all the negativity slip away into the throes of pent-up, well-needed sex. The high they gave each other was merely that— A high...

A distraction.

And while that's exactly what Y/N needed, what she preferred in most cases, it's what Spencer recognized as completely unhealthy, despite his coming back to it every time.

It's also why he dreaded the moment ending. Because once they came down from the high, all that's left would be sadness, regret... Guilt... Their fire burned hot, brightly and wildly, but in the aftermath would lay only a thick layer of deadly smoke between them— hard to navigate, and nearly impossible to breathe in without suffocating.

So they simply burned and burned and burned...

Spencer gripped her so tight he was sure to leave her with bruising. And in turn Y/N dragged her nails down his back and dug them into his ass, her palm laying firmly over the muscles that aided in fucking her into the marbled surface. She whined out curses and moans, and he cried out broken whispers of her name, pet names, and curses alike.

Even once she'd come, he kept going, willing himself to hold on as long as he could. She whined into his ear at the overstimulation. And rather than keeping her legs wrapped around his body, she decided to spread them wide, perching her heels up on the counter as far as she could go and anchoring her fingers through his hair.

And though she might not have had enough orgasms in her to keep up with him, she welcomed it all the same—She welcomed the burn just as much as he did.

Even still, no fire can burn forever.

All concept of time was lost by the time Spencer finally collapsed forward, completely spent and barely standing on weak legs after coming twice. Y/N held onto him tightly to keep him upwards, lightly massaging his scalp with gentle fingers and closing her eyes as she focused on his breathing— the way it fanned over the skin of her bare shoulder and how it sounded, perfectly in time with hers...

It was the most peaceful she'd been in a long time.

She felt him pull out of her, the both of them groaning at the feeling, and a little at the mess it would make.

Spencer gently peeled his body off of hers, sniffing once and avoiding her eyes. "Sorry... You just got out of the shower..."

"It's fine," Y/N breathed. She begged him silently to look her in the eye, but he remained still... Most likely thinking. She could practically see the cogs turning in his brain.

So, in an effort to lighten the mood a bit, she added with a breathy laugh, "Besides... It's nothing I haven't done before."

The callback to his words—and memories of all the times they'd found themselves in this position before—got Spencer to laugh a little, but he still wouldn't meet her eyes.

Finally, he cleared his throat. "I'll... I'll grab the wipes?"

"Oh. Sure," Y/N returned with a thankful smile. It was hopeful, too, though the moment he was out of eyesight, it turned rather sad.

She'd known that behavior before, seen that hesitation in his movements and that sound in his voice.

It was guilt.

Regret.

Probably a bit of self-hatred, too.

When he returned, a pile of her clothes in hand and the bag of wipes on top, she took them from him with a kind smile and cleaned herself up while he put his clothes back on.

The silence was more uncomfortable than anything either of them had ever experienced.

So much so, that Y/N couldn't even muster up the courage to ask him to stay for breakfast— and she always did after one of their post-break hookups.

Maybe this time really was different.

Spencer was just at the door again when she stopped him.

"Thank you," she said. Her voice was so small, he almost didn't hear it. "For bringing me home..."

But he paused, turned, and finally looked her in the eye.

He almost sunk to his knees right there...

Seeing her, arms crossed like she was trying to keep warm, as her head hung low and she looked up at him through sad, hooded eyelids...

It reminded him of the woman he fell in love with.

But in his peripheral, he saw the towel on the floor and was reminded of the woman who'd shattered his heart.

Spencer cleared his throat. Once upon a time he might have returned her thanks with, Anytime, but... Honestly he wasn't sure there could ever be another time. For his sanity, he'd have to avoid 'anytime' at all costs.

So, he settled on, "You're welcome."

He was glad to see her return his kind smile with one of her own, even if it was tainted with sadness, and a small wave goodbye.

Maybe this time it would stick.

Even still, as he closed the door behind him and made his way to the parking lot, for some reason it didn't quite feel like goodbye.

And some of that deadly smoke that settled in his lungs as he drove further and further away from her apartment was inclined to agree.

***

Neither of them could sleep that night.

While Spencer stared out the window of the jet, a little annoyed to be called out on a case so late but at least thankful for the distraction, Y/N laid in bed, staring at the stars on her ceiling.

The same constellation caught their eye.

Columba.

The Dove.

She hadn't even meant to arrange the stars like that, but one night after a date, they were laying in her bed and Spencer pointed out that the cluster of plastic stars right in the corner of the ceiling looked like Columba.

Y/N fondly remembered Spencer telling her about how it was originally named to represent Noah's dove, which searched for dry land during the great biblical flood and returned carrying an olive branch to make news of its recession— of peace at last.

The memory made her smile. It tugged at her heart and made her dreams of him even more vivid.

All the same, Spencer noticed the constellation outside the jet window and remembered that same night. The smile on her face as he told her the story, the feel of her fingers gliding softly over the bare skin of his forearm...

It was the first night since he'd met her that he thought it.

I love her...

He almost told her then, too, but he was afraid it was too soon. So he refrained.

Looking back, Spencer was starting to regret that— Maybe without that extra time together, breaking up would have been easier. But instead, he gave her more time. He gave himself more time to fall deeper in love with her, and in the end it still wasn't enough.

Now they were both looking at the same constellation, one made of plastic and the other of gas, wondering if their flood would ever recede.

And in the event that it did... Who would be the dove, and what would be their olive branch?

“You know I dream about getting back together in the future, I could focus on you. But if I leave right now, I hope that you don’t find someone that touches you the way that I do...”

***

SERIES TAGLIST:   @reidyoulikeabook​ @yourmisosoup​ @fortheloveofcriminalminds​ @bellzo17​ @altsvu​ @flipperpenguins​ @mcumorningstar​

TAGS NOT WORKING: @reid-to-me @totallyclearwitch

[wandering-travesty]

Call Me By Your Name

    You weren’t sleezy. That was just a word idiots used to try and pull you down to their level. Yes, your hair was slicked back. Yes, your eyeshadow was dark as the night. Yes, your suit jacket barely covered your chest. Yes, your nails were painted black and sharp as daggers. But, no, you weren’t sleezy. You were dressed for your job. What was your job? Well, that was a bit more complicated….

 “I need you to get close to him.” Erwin said coolly, stubble covered chin resting on his strong hands.

 “I’m sorry?” You asked, genuinely hoping you had too much wax lodged in your ear canals.

 “You heard him.” You met the glare of the midget standing behind your boss.

 “Okay, smartass, I did. But you can’t be serious, boss! He’s beyond dangerous. Shouldn’t someone like,” you gestured in Levi’s direction, “one of the Ackermans take care of this? I’m not discounting myself or anything, but fucking with a Yeager is basically a suicide mission.” You were actually shocked Erwin asked you to do something so important. More so, dangerous. You weren’t exaggerating when you said it was a death sentence. You’d lost enough comrades to know that.

 “Listen, he’s the key to taking down the Marlian Syndicate.” You knew that, but still, this seemed out of left field. “The Ackermans are strong, yes, but they lack a certain…”

 “They’re not ready to whore themselves out. Just say that, Smith.” You understood now. The Ackermans were cold blooded killers ready to strike at any moment. However, they were awkward and completely inept at things like lust and heated and frankly revolting rendezvous. That was how he wanted you to get information for him.

 Erwin wanted you to fuck the leader of the Marlian Syndicate.

 “I wouldn’t use that wording exactly, but your assumption is correct.” Levi couldn’t seem to meet your gaze, but Erwin continued to stare straight into your soul. He was the leader of La Peste Eldienne (The Eldian Plague) for a reason. Strong, debonair, charming, and slightly insane. He could down a beer in one swig, sip a martini all night long, or abstain from alcohol completely. Whatever he needed to do, he did. He murdered, sent the idiotic young and the hopeless old to their deaths just the same, and could absolutely wine and dine a stranger until their clothes practically flew off their body if it was for the cause. You needed to be like that. Especially at a time like this.

 “I’ll do it. And I’ll do it well.” You assured your boss and his partner. Yeah, this would be easy. You could go low as the scum you were about to completely fuck over. You had been climbing up the ranks as of late, so this would be easy as pie.

Before going on your little date: you made a mental note of the main players you would have to deal with. The list you had went something like this:

Porco Galliard: Complete idiot. All brawn, no brain. Basically a bouncer with a fancier jacket and a higher salary. No worries about him doing anything funny.

Pieck Finger: The sweet little thing they kept around for good reason. Part of you wished you had to deal with her instead. She was witty and had a surprising amount of control over the shipments of cocaine and ammunition that went on about the city. Her pretty face and calm demeanor hid her true genius. She was one of the more concerning figures at tonight’s gig, but also one of the one’s more willing to hear you out before killing you.

Colt Grice: Basically a smarter but weaker version of Galliard. He was really only part of the Syndicate to learn from the best and become a great mafioso one day. You had high hopes for him, despite yourself.

Bertholdt Hoover: A freakishly tall mix of the last three members of the gang. So sweaty and shaky he wasn’t allowed to handle guns under any circumstance. That told you all you needed to know about his threat level.

Annie Leonhardt: Tiny, quiet ball of rage and skill. Could murder you in an instant, but would only do so if ordered. Not a concern unless someone else found you out, or you didn’t like being glared at all night.

Reiner Braun: His personality changed with the passing minutes. Could be calm and almost kind, or could snap your neck like a twig in his giant ass hand. He was a wildcard, and a dangerous one. Though he was obsessed with following orders and being the perfect little soldier boy, so you didn’t need to worry about him if no one told him to start shooting.

Yelena: Even more freakishly tall than Hoover. Also freakishly obsessed with the gang leader and his “master plan”, whatever the hell that was. Maybe you would find out tonight. Anyways, she would only do anything if you threatened the boss in any way. If you did your job right, that wouldn’t be an issue.

Eren Yeager: Easily the most brash and idiotic member of the gang. His problem was that he was trigger happy. In this business, trigger happy meant dozens of dead innocents piled up on the club floor in an instant. You had to be careful around him. Unlike most of the others, he would kill you without thinking.

And the top dog. The man of the hour. The man you had to seduce:

Zeke Yeager: Think Erwin but with more wit and charm. Not to mention more of a sadistic mindset. His favorite game was cat and mouse, seeing how long it took before he had a good excuse to have someone drawn and quartered. His expertise was slow torture that the victim didn’t even really know was happening before the barrel of the gun was already pointed to their temple. And you had to fuck him so stupid he leaked confidential information.

 The only other issue with Zeke was his habit of sleeping around. Yes, he was a tramp by most standards. A harlot with exotic tastes. You had heard stories of him seducing women and men alike, and god only knew what they did once he succeeded. What that meant for you was he would be hard to impress.

 So, you were here to beat him at his own game. And if you were found out, his younger brother would most likely shoot you on the spot. That was, if one of the others did it first. Or even worse, Zeke decided to be a tried and true asshole and torture you to death. The options were endless, and you hated them all.

 So there you sat, ass perched on a bar stool, sipping on a gin rickey and waiting for your opportunity. The room smelled strongly of tobacco, rum, and cinnamon. At least you would die surrounded by what you loved, you thought, laughing grimly to yourself. Men and women danced to slow songs you faintly recognized. The air buzzed with haughty laughter and upper class small talk. You barely had any idea how to interact with high society shitheads as high and mighty as the ones Yeager surrounded himself with. You weren’t often sent out to jobs like this. You were like Levi, born in the slums and never taught how to properly behave. You knew what you had to, much like your knowledge of the goings on of La Peste Eldienne. You knew your gang traded drugs, ammunition, and whatever else was a hot commodity at the time, but nothing other than that. You were actually quite glad to know nothing, since that made you a pretty unimportant person to rival gangs. Not as many death threats and kidnapping attempts came your way, unlike the ones Erwin, Hange, and Levi got every day. You were quickly pulled out of your thoughts on the gang hierarchy.

 “Excuse me, miss. The boss wants to chat with ya’ real quick.” A man with greasy hair and green, catlike eyes softly gripped your shoulder. Considering what you knew of Galliard, you figured that grip wouldn’t be soft for much longer if you didn’t do as he suggested.

 “Oh, alright. Did he happen to mention why?” You were genuinely curious. Porco didn’t offer you any solid answer, but there was a reasonable explanation.

 Zeke wanted to get his rocks off. Parties could be interesting, with the right people, of course. The right people hadn’t happened to show up that night. You, on the other hand, seemed interesting. To be frank, you were gorgeous. Even from a distance, he could tell there was something behind your eyes that spelled trouble. He loved people like you. Vicious, cunning, witty, all hidden behind an uninterested and bored demeanor. Those were the people he wanted around him. The best examples were Pieck, and surprisingly, Levi. They seemed to be completely different people than the ones hiding behind their eyes, and Zeke loved to see how long it took to break them down. Well, he was a bit kinder to Pieck, but you and Ackerman got the rough treatment.

 “Zeke, what the hell’re you doin’?” Eren pulled him out of his rather disgusting thoughts of…things better left unsaid.

 “I’m going to talk to a woman, Eren. What does it seem like I’m doing?” Zeke had a sharp tongue and quick wit, which he didn’t spare even his brother from.

 “I get that, but why that one? She seems…shady t’me. I wouldn’t let ‘er get too close, y’know?”

 “Eren, please be rational.” Zeke held a palm out in front of Eren, as if to physically stop his train of thought. “You and Yelena will shoot at the first sign of danger, so inviting this lovely woman to join us for a harmless chat isn’t a danger in the slightest.” Zeke reassured his brother, neglecting to tell him his true intentions. He was sure that would just make him more upset and skittish, which was dangerous for everyone there.

 “’Kay, boss. Got the dame ya’ asked for.” Porco trudged to the brothers’ secluded table with you in tow. He had kept one hand on your shoulder and the other right above your ass. The two main reasons being: one, he didn’t want someone so seemingly important to escape his grip, and two, you had a nice ass.

 “Ah, thank you Galliard…you can let her go now.” He gave Porco a knowing smirk. He let you go immediately and walked away, cheeks slightly reddened. Zeke didn’t want someone else touching his new toy.

 “I’m sorry if this comes off as rude, but did you need something from me? That man made me leave my gin at the bar and I would like to finish it at some point.” Oh, Zeke was going to love you. You weren’t flighty or scared in the slightest. He knew you had seen some serious shit. Not to mention how you cared more about your alcohol than a dangerous mafia boss and his younger brother ordering you over to their table. You were attractive and relatable. What a catch.

 “My apologies, Galliard tends to be a bit, how do you say, brutish. Feel free to order something new and sit down with us.” He gave you a smile that told you it wasn’t a suggestion. This guy was already just as bad as everyone had told you. He hailed a waiter over to the table. You knew that wasn’t some kind gesture, rather a show of how much power he had over everyone there. His long, thick fingers and suave smile also showed you how easily swayed you could be by dashing looks and raw power.

 He held himself like a king but talked like a philosopher. At the same time, he was down to earth yet still slightly condescending. You never knew where you stood with him, and he liked it that way. His flaxen hair was parted down the middle, and unlike most of the men there along with yourself with their hair hardened with pomade, it was fluffy and moved as he gestured wildly when he spoke. He tended to talk with his hands, once again drawing attention to just how attractive they were. His face was indescribably beautiful. His eyes were like stormy oceans cascading with passion and intrigue. His lips looked soft and plush with a wonderful roseate hue. His beard was well groomed and framed his sharp jaw perfectly. His gold rimmed glasses had a habit of hiding his eyes when thrown into direct light, which often happened with how he talked with his whole body. The way he constantly made direct eye contact with you had you lost in a daze of desire and fear. Was this all some sick ploy to get you to slip up and get everyone you loved killed along with yourself? Or was he seriously that interested in you?

 Eren was quiet most of the time, unless Zeke spoke to him. He didn’t like you. You were too similar to Zeke for his tastes.

 “Say, Eren, could you pass me a smoke?”

 “Oh, so you do have vices. See, you never ordered a drink for yourself, so I assumed you were a man above pleasures of the flesh.” You flashed a toothy grin at him, signaling that it was just playful banter. You two were both rather good at that.

 “My dear, the more you get to know me, the better you will understand just how enthralled with earthly pleasures I am.” He winked, and it sent you to the moon with want. How could a man be so gorgeous, charming, dangerous, and sadistic all at the same time? And why did you have to deal with it? You needed him out of his right mind, but it seemed like that could never happen. Whether it came from alcohol, drugs, or sex. You planned to use a mixture of all three. As you continued your playful jabs and taunts at each other, you found your opportunity to seal the deal. One sniff of the white stuff and he was putty in your hands.

 “Now you know, Mr. Yeager, gin isn’t my only vice.” You kept your usual sly tone.

 “Oh really? That is quite the interesting thing to say.” He matched your energy perfectly. This was too good.

 “Have you ever happened to try, well, what do they call it these days? Well, I tend to call it blow. Snow, stardust, snort, sugar, crack, whichever you prefer, I suppose.” Oh, how brave of you to mention your own trade to your top competitor.

 “Why, yes, I have indeed partook in snorting blow. Is there any reason as to why you’re asking me that right now, darling?” You wished he would stop with the pet names. Or rather, you wished you would stop loving them so much. It felt dirty to enjoy your enemy’s company to this extent.

 “Well, I was wondering if you might like to sneak off and try some of my personal mix.” You leaned in close, covering the side of you mouth with your hand. Eren wasn’t a bad kid or anything, but he’d mess with your plan, and you couldn’t have that. Especially not with his slippery ass trigger finger.

 “Your own personal mix, eh? Don’t tell me you’re involved in the trade, now.” He leaned in just shy of touching your lips. “That wouldn’t be very good for either of us, sweetheart.” That’s it, you were fucking this man if it was part of your plan or not. The entire thing could go south, and you’d still want this man’s dick in your mouth. You didn’t really care anymore. He was too hot to handle, and you were this close to cracking under the pressure. Zeke was right, you were fun to play with.

 “Not at all, I just happen to know the right people.” You grinned at him, knowing you technically weren’t lying. It was your own little inside joke, or so you thought.

 The next thing you knew you were in Zeke’s penthouse, smashed up against the wall with a hand around your neck. By all accounts, this is what you wanted, but it was also quite the opposite.

 “Dearest, I find it insulting that you think I would fall for that pitiful act.” He had you figured out from the moment you walked in. Zeke Yeager never forgot a pretty face. He’d wanted to have you naked in his bed for months, and here you were, all helpless and needy. You were adorable, thinking you could get whatever you wanted from him.

 “Smith was a fool to send anyone, let alone a little minx like you.” You hated how good being insulted by this bitch felt. How did he make it so that your panties got wetter every time he called you a different synonym for whore? It was so awful and so amazing.

 “I’m the slut, yet you’re the one actively trying to fuck me? Do I have that right?” You quipped the best you could from under the pressure of his strong hand.

 “Alright then, we’re both sluts. But the difference between us is that I admit it, yet you pretend to be this perfect little princess in order to fuck powerful men like me.” His grip on your neck tightened as if to add injury to insult.

 “Don’t insult me,” you had to catch your breath between each word, “I fuck men ten times more powerful than you.” But, god was it worth it. You figured he might slap you or otherwise reprimand you, but no, the bastard just smiled wide. What a fucking asshole.

 “Maybe to you.” He widened his cheshire grin. “Maybe you think Erwin’s more powerful. That he has a bigger cock and sucking it will get you further in life.” He pushed you further into the wall. “Or maybe letting Ackerman smack your ass will earn you some cash. Or having Zacharius sniff around your cunt instead of your neck will rise you up the ranks, hmm?” You just grimaced at him, knowing none of it was true. “Or maybe,” he let out a chuckle, “letting Zoe do whatever the hell they’re into will get you more coke and gin.” He was mocking you, ruthlessly, with no signs of stopping, and without letting you get a word in. You were starting to see black spots in your line of vision.

 “Well, fucking with me will get you much more, angel.” He finally let your neck go, letting you fall to the ground, left to look up at the devil in front of you.

 “You fucking suck.” You glared at him, not necessarily trying to hide how much you were enjoying this. As it happened, you weren’t some innocent angel. No, you weren’t a sadistic maniac like Zeke, but you knew what you wanted, and it wasn’t necessarily vanilla. As if reading your earlier thoughts, he bent down to your place on the floor.

 He slapped you, and it wasn’t gentle.

 “You’re a sloppy whore on your best days, now get up and strip.” Well if worst came to worst, you could say that you got him where you wanted him…just not exactly how you wanted him, or with a guarantee you would get what you wanted out of him. Honestly, you felt kind of flattered by his attention and apparent need to fuck you.

 “God, do I have to do everything for you, sweetheart?” Apparently you had been standing around catching your breath too long for his liking. He had made quick work of his own jacket, shirt, and dress pants, leaving him in a black pair of boxers. You hated admitting how magnificent he looked. He was muscular, but not in the same way someone like Reiner or Erwin was. Every single limb on him was lengthy and wiry, thus the bruise marks forming on your neck. While on the subject of length, from what you could see, it applied to his cock as much as it did his other appendages. If it looked that good through the black fabric, you couldn’t even dream of what it would look like out in the open, slapping against his defined v-line and abs.

 You hadn’t even noticed him getting closer to you, completely forgetting about his earlier demand turned complaint.

 “Not only are you a harlot, you’re a useless one, as well.” He came close enough for you to smell the hints of smoke, pine, and black tea that wafted off of him. He started playing with the collar of your shirt. “But damn if you aren’t a pretty one…” He said that more to himself than you, clearly not being comfortable complimenting you. He saw you as a toy, a pawn in his game of chess he was playing with the rest of the world.

 You decided that would be your last deep thought as he began to undress you. Nimbly moving his fingers down each button of your dress shirt, until it came completely undone and bore your chest to him. You were by no means flat, which seemed to entertain the man in front of you.

 “I knew you’d be the perfect slut for me.” He groped your breasts through your bra, hands greedy with the clear goal of making you yearn for him. “Perfect tits, soft skin, pretty face, nice ass, strong will. Yeah, you’ll be fun to break.” He gave you one of his signature smirks, making you want to crush his windpipe and deepthroat his dick at the same time.

 You shrugged your top off your shoulders and let him snake his arms around your chest to undo your bra and expose your tits to the cool air of the room. He didn’t waste time kissing your filthy mouth, and instead skipped straight to your sensitive neck. He slowly dragged his soft lips down your throat, kissing his way over to both sides and under your jaw. He licked and sucked at any area that made you gasp or let out some embarrassing little noise you tried to desperately to hide. He hated how you hid, he needed you to need him, to want him at a level beyond human comprehension. He wanted to destroy you, do break you down to your most animalistic and pitiful form. You were strong, that was for damn sure, but he wanted to fix that.

 He took all this into account as he began nipping at the tops of your breasts. He moved from one to the other with no clear pattern. He dragged his tongue down to your right nipple, only touching the tip of his tongue to it, making you shiver in anticipation and let out a small whine. Yes, that was the progress he wanted to see from you. He swirled his tongue around it, slowly making his way to the center, harshly sucking it into his mouth. He pulled his sinful mouth away from you, leaving a trail of saliva connecting him to you. He quickly made his way to your other nipple, doing the same and driving you just as wild.

 “You know, it wouldn’t hurt you to make more noise, darling.” He teased, sounding genuinely annoyed with you.

 “Well, maybe if you did a better job, I would be louder.” You had discovered your talent of keeping up with his smart mouth, and you used it to your advantage. You wanted to rile him up; to get a rise out of him. As previously stated, you didn’t want a vanilla little love making session, you wanted to fuck.

 “Alright then, if you’re so keen on keeping quiet,” he put his rough hands on your bare shoulders, pushing you back onto the ground, this time on your knees, “how about I stuff that mouth?” You hated how good he was at turning you on.

 He pulled his dick out right in front of your face, letting it lay on his toned abs, just as you had envisioned it. It was easily 10 inches long, 5 inches thick, with a slight upturn that could drive you insane if it hit the right spots, which it would. It was flushed pink and dripping pre-cum; it was pretty.

 “Well, are you just going to gawk at it or are you going to make yourself useful, slut?” The sweet pet names were out the window, swiftly replaced with the most debasing insults he could think of. To avoid any more of his smart ass remarks, you took his thick cock in your hands. You slowly stroked it, taking in exactly how big it was. You moved your plush lips closer, giving it a few small kitten licks to test the waters. You kissed the head and gave longer licks up the side, earning a grunt or two from the man above you. As you began to swirl your tongue around his tip, his strong hand came down and pushed on the back of your head. It wasn’t gentle, forcing you to take him down your throat. Considering his size, it was no shock that you choked on it at first, but he kept his hand on your hair, forcing you to stay on him.

 “That’s it, sweetheart, keep that dirty mouth on fat cock.” Tears starting pooling in your eyes as you struggled to breath around his length. “Aww, are you actually crying?” He cooed, taking sick pleasure in mocking you. “How pathetic of you, darling.” His words send shockwaves of shame and pleasure down to your core. You abhorred how badly you needed him inside of you. As he let out a low moan, he pulled you off his cock, tugging your hair just enough to make you even wetter.

 “Alright, angel. I’m not a big fan of blowjobs, so we’ll leave it at that.” You coughed a little as he bent down to your heaving form.

 “Really? That’s a shock.” That was your genuine reaction. You were far too fucked out to be a smart ass at this point.

 “Yeah, you’re not the first to make that observation.” Much to your surprise, he picked you up bridal style, barely breaking a sweat in the process of getting you to his bedroom. Though the lights were on, you couldn’t take in many details, your cock drunk state making it difficult to process anything other than the warm, bare skin of the monster you tried so hard to vanquish.

 “Now, lets get these cute little panties off, hmm?” You had forgotten him taking off your pants in the heat of the moment. His menacing figure loomed overtop of you, slowly sinking down to your thighs. He placed licks and kisses all over them, leaving a few bite marks along with them. You moaned louder than before, feeling too blissed out to care about your pride. You felt large, tepid fingers hooking themselves between your legs and into your panties. He pulled them to the side, wanting to really take you in. Despite his lust for power and dominance, he much preferred giving head to receiving it, especially when it came to women and their soft, tender pussies. You were no exception to this rule.

 “Goddamn you’re fucking wet.” You looked up at you, making you lean your head back to avoid his gaze. “You must like me more than you care to admit, sweetie.” Just after saying this, he ran one long finger up your dripping slit, coating his fingertip in your slick. He looked at it shimmering in the low light of the room, grinning before taking it into his mouth and tasting what your cunt had to offer.

 “You taste like heaven. Surprising, considering what a nasty girl you are.” Unlike you, he could keep that smartass act up for hours on end, no matter how lost in your sex he was. He landed a chaste kiss to your throbbing heat before flattening his tongue to lick a fat stripe up the middle. He began to devour you, making the lewdest noises you had ever heard in the process. You felt amazing, and disgusting, and just about every other emotion you had ever felt in your life. He was a god at eating your pussy, feeling no remorse in having his lips and beard dripping with your juices. To hell with the burn marks he left on your thighs and the burning sense of guilt you had for moaning so loud and creaming all over the face of your greatest enemy. Shame and guilt were for foolish children with no place in the world, Zeke wanted to enjoy every last second of destroying you.

 As he continued to lick and suck at your most sensitive spots, you began to feel your stomach tighten, signaling your closeness. Zeke noticed as well, taking note of your erupting moans and groans and tugs at his silky hair. He moaned on your clit, the vibrations sending you over the edge. You came all over his face, arching your back of the soft sheets and making you scream his name. He kept his lips attached to your clit as you came down from your high, keeping you ensnared in his trap of bliss.

 “God, you moan like a fucking whore, you know that?” The way he insulted you felt disgustingly good, especially coming from such a obnoxiously handsome man.

 “And you eat pussy like a god.” The veil of hatred came off in one foul swoop. You couldn’t hold back how you truly felt about Zeke Yeager. You were in love with the way he treated you, and spoke to you, and ate you, and soon enough, fucked you. He was so damn good, and you just hated to love and loved to hate him.

 “Oh, do I now?” He let out a low chuckle, taking pride in how helpless and stupid he had made you. “Does that make me your god, pet?” It wasn’t a real question. He knew the answer, and he loved that answer: yes.

 “Now, how about I partake in some earthly pleasures and fuck your brains out, sweetheart?” He questioned, moving his arms up to rest on both sides of your head. His face was right above yours, lips hovering over your breathless, panting ones.

 “Yes, please.” Your eyebrows scrunched together as you grew impatient and needy as all hell. Zeke had a sinister idea. God was a nice term, but he could think of a better one.

 “How about you beg daddy for it?” He was such a disgusting pervert, and he relished in it. You mustered all the strength you could in order to speak.

 “Please fuck my pussy, daddy.” That was all he needed to push himself inside your tight heat. Your walls clenched as he thrusted balls deep inside of you, not caring if you needed to adjust or not. Luckily, you didn’t, despite his size.

 “Fuck yes, angel. You’re so goddamn tight.” He thrusted into you with reckless abandon, using you more than making love to you, which is exactly what you both wanted. Your walls clenched and throbbed as he brought you to orgasm once again.

 “Cumming all over my cock, sweetheart? Such a dirty whore.” He teased, continuing his motions, hitting your g-spot over and over again without much issue. His dick was perfect, reaching every inch of you that made you scream out in pleasure and overstimulated bliss. All of this for a few bags of cocaine and bullets. You weren’t even thinking of that as he pounded into you, getting rougher and sloppier than before. He was getting close to his own high just as you were about to reach your third. No one had ever made you feel like this. You never wanted to let him go. Fuck everyone you cared about, this was too damn good to throw away.

 “Where do you want my cum, slut?” He asked seconds before climaxing.

 “Wherever you want it, daddy.” That was exactly what he wanted to hear. You had been molded into the perfect toy for him, even if it was just for the moment. He had debased and perverted you, like putty in his hands. You thought you could just waltz in there and take what you wanted from him. But no, instead you were writhing around on his bed with his fat cock filling up your pussy while you screamed for your daddy. You were filthy, slutty perfection. He quickly pulled out of you and shot his cum on your stomach and chest. Noticing you were still squirming around, he pushed his thumb to your clit and rubbed circles as two of his fingers entered you and hit your sweet spot.

 “Come on, slutty girl, cum for daddy.” This time felt different than the others. You were completely out of your mind with pleasure and lust, and he was hitting just the right spots. You came around his fingers, squirting your juices and ruining his sheets. As if he could sense it, he had moved his face down just in time for it to reach his mouth, coating yet another layer of your cum on his beard. He licked his lips, savoring you taste and the blissed out, fuck drunk look on your face. He wished he could keep you like this forever. No, he would make sure to keep you like this forever. You were going to be his for the rest of time, no matter what it took. Even if he had to play the long game and pretend you had a choice in the matter.

 “Well, sweetheart, I’m afraid you have to go home empty handed. I’m sure those tarts will just pat you on the head and congratulate you for trying your best. That’s why they’ll never surpass me, and that’s why you will come crawling back to me.” You couldn’t respond, too disappointed and drained to say a word.

 “I have a shower that I recommend you use.” He looked down at you, your eyes hazy and barely focused on him. You were completely exposed to him. You looked beautiful. “In an act of civility, I’ll let you sleep here tonight. On a different bed, of course, considering the damage you’ve done.” You laughed at that, and he followed suite.

 “You know Zeke, for a monster, you’re not too bad.” You looked at him, admiration clear in your eyes.

 “You’re not too unbearable either.”

[bex-la-get]

Hi! I'm new to tumblr and... can I request a fic where Ethan is the one who ask questions to Nat to test the new fMRI scan, but it is set on book 2 instead. Thank you and I admire your writings!

NONNY!!! I absolutely love this!!! I'm gonna say this takes place in mid-Book 2-ish.

K, before we start, I just wanna throw a disclaimer out there: my memory of Book 2 is fuzzy which means mistakes are likely. Sorry in advance if I get something wrong. Also, I'm not a medical professional, so any mistakes made are my own. Thank you.

Okay, let's go!!

Nat sat on the couch of the Diagnostics Office, absent-mindedly staring out the window and chewing on her lower lip. The last few weeks had been exhausting. Between the news that Edenbrook had lost its funding, Kyra's diagnosis, and the stress of being a Junior Fellow on the DT, it was all beginning to feel like it was too much. She wasn't sure how much more she could take at this point.

"Hey, you okay?" a voice asked.

She turned to the source and found Ethan looking at her, eyebrows furrowed in concern. She hadn't even heard him come in. She sat up straight. "Yeah, sorry; just needed to take a break."

"Nat," he said, coming to sit next to her. "It's okay if you're not. You don't have to be 'okay' all the time."

She sighed. "I know."

"What's going on?"

Nat shook her head. "Just... feeling a little overwhelmed is all. With everything going on as it is, it just kind of feels like a little too much."

Ethan nodded sympathetically. "I understand. The last few weeks have been... challenging, to say the least." Nat nodded in agreement and he gently ran his fingers along the back of her hand. "I wish I could offer you words of wisdom or at least better advice." He said, smiling sheepishly.

She gave him a small smile. "Just being here for me is enough. Thank you."

He returned her smile and linked his pinky with hers, giving it a tight squeeze. "I don't know if it will provide the distraction you need, but I could use your help with something if you have a few minutes?" Nat nodded. "The fMRI machine went on the fritz about a week ago and I was just told that it's back in working order. I'd like to test it out and make sure that it really is working normally. Care to help me out?"

"Sure," Nat said, "but only if you ask the questions this time. It's only fair since I did it last time."

Ethan chuckled and nodded. "Deal."

The two of them made their way to the imaging lab, set Nat up within the machine, then Ethan made his way into the control room. "Can you hear me?" he asked.

"Loud and clear, boss," Nat replied.

"Good. I presume you remember the drill from last year. I'll ask you some questions and see how your brain responds as you answer."

"Sounds good."

"All right. First question: What is your middle name?"

Nat scoffed over the speakers. "That's your first question?"

"What's wrong with the question?"

"It's boring. I distinctly remember asking you some scandalous questions."

Ethan rolled his eyes. "Just answer the question, Rookie."

"Fine. Paige."

Ethan pursed his lips. Natalie Paige Cusack. Very pretty. Very her. Tucking this new knowledge into the back of his head he nodded as the scanner showing her brain lit up.

"All right. Next question: do you have any siblings?"

"Ethan, these are questions you can ask me in casual conversation," Nat protested. "Ask me something fun! I thought the point of this was to provide me a distraction, after all."

Ethan chuckled and shook his head. "Fine, answer this question while I think of something fun to ask you."

"Deal! In answer to your question, yes. I have an older brother named Victor but everyone calls him Vic. The only time I call him Victor is when he's in trouble."

"And just how often is he in trouble?" Ethan asked, amused. Nat's hippocampus lit up as she thought of her answer and he raised an eyebrow, intrigued.

"When we were kids? All the time," she answered, giggling. "As an adult, less often. Though it still happens."

Ethan chuckled and nodded. "All right. Per your request, here's a fun question. What's an embarrassing story from your childhood?"

"Oooh, you went right for the jugular. Respect. I like it. Okay, um... have I ever told you the goblin story?"

"The goblin story?"

She laughed. "Oh, man! You're gonna love this. Okay, so when I was little, I had a pretty big nose. I grew into it as I got older, but when I was little, it wasn't proportional to my face at all." Ethan listened to the story with an amused smile on his face as the scan showed her pregenual anterior cingulate cortex light up during her story.

"One night," she continued, "I stupidly fell asleep with gum in my mouth and woke up with it all in my hair. It was a nightmare."

"Oh no," Ethan said.

"Yep," Nat confirmed. "It was so bad that the only thing we could do was cut as much out of it as possible, which left me with this terrible haircut that, low-key, had me looking like I had been electrified.

"Anyway, Vic's knee-jerk response at seeing me with my short hair and big nose was to promptly call me goblin. And the stupid nickname stuck! He still calls me it even though it was over twenty years ago!" She paused in her storytelling, expecting to hear a response but heard nothing instead. "Ethan? Are you there? You better not have left!"

The speakers turned on and all she heard was his laughter. "Are you laughing?! Ethan!"

Ethan tried to speak through his laughter. "I'm sorry, I sympathize, really." He laughed again and Nat rolled her eyes.

"You are the worst, you know that?" she told him.

"Sorry Nat," he said, finally getting his laughter under control. "I'm sure you made a very cute goblin."

Nat rolled her eyes. "Ugh, just ask your next question, Ramsey."

He chuckled again and thought for a moment when a question appeared in the back of his mind. Rationally, he knew he shouldn't ask it. It wasn't exactly professional and went against the reset rule he initiated.

But he had enjoyed getting to know more about Nat and he was curious. “Tell me about your first kiss.”

“Trying to figure out how I got such high standards?” she joked.

He rolled his eyes. “I’m trying to trigger an emotional response in your brain. Go.”

She giggled. “Hmm.. first kiss. Um, it was my first boyfriend, Matt. I was a Freshman in high school and he kissed me during the slow dance at our Homecoming dance.”

Her limbic system lit up on the scanner. “Sounds romantic,” he mused, pushing down the surge of jealousy he felt at the thought Nat kissing another man, even if it had been when she was significantly younger.

“Mm, not really. He wasn’t really good at it. He was kind of slobbery, if I’m being honest.”

Ethan scrunched up his face. “Gross.”

“Very,” she confirmed.

“Last question,” he said. He knew this was approaching risky territory but damn it, if Nat didn’t make him want to throw every one of his morals and rules right out the window. And, if he were honest... he really wanted to hear the answer to this question. “What was the best kiss you’ve ever had?”

“Hmm...” she hummed in thought for a long moment, Ethan’s heart pounding as he waited for her reply. Finally, she spoke. “New Year’s Eve, 2017.”

Ethan’s heart sunk. “Oh? Why then?”

“My ex-boyfriend was moving. He had accepted a position at one of the National Labs in New Mexico and I knew I was staying on the East Coast so we split. When the Ball dropped at midnight, he gave me a goodbye kiss. Then he got in a moving van the next day and moved across the country.”

Her amygdala lit up like a Christmas Tree and Ethan frowned. Clearly that memory was still fresh for her. “That’s enough questions, Nat. I think we’ve done our job here.” 

Ethan stopped the machine and met Nat back in the lab as she stood up. Ethan had been prepared for Nat to be sad after that last story but instead, he found her smiling up at him. “That was fun. I needed that.”

“You needed to be put into a giant metal machine and have your brain looked at?” Ethan asked.

She lightly hit his shoulder. “You know that’s not what I mean.” Her smile grew, making Ethan’s heart skip a beat. “Thank you, Ethan. I appreciate the distraction.”

“I’m glad it helped,” he said, returning her smile.

“Well, I better go make my rounds,” she said as she began to make her way out of the lab. 

“Hey, Nat,” Ethan called. In a flash, he grabbed her hand, pulled her back to him, and cupped her face with his hands, giving her a searing kiss. Nat made a quiet noise of surprise at Ethan’s gesture but quickly melted into the kiss, her lips matching his fervor. His hands moved from her face to her waist as he pulled her impossibly closer, her arms circling around his neck as if to hold him in place. 

Neither knew how long they stood there. It could have been hours, days, even years. It didn’t matter; they didn’t care. In that moment, all they cared about was each other and they both hoped that the moment, however long it may have been, never ended.

But alas, eventually they broke apart at the sound of Nat’s pager beeping. Their lips separated, but neither moved very far apart, as they both fought to catch their breath. Ethan’s eyes were still closed, his forehead resting against hers as Nat opened her eyes. She nuzzled her nose against his and sucked in a breath when his blue eyes opened, locking with hers.

“What was all that for?” she asked in a whisper. 

He smiled sheepishly. “I may have taken slight offence as not being your best kiss ever.”

She pulled away slightly to look at him better, a giggle on her lips. “Did you get jealous after hearing about my ex?”

“No,” he retorted, defensively.

This time, she laughed. “You did! I can’t believe it, Ethan Ramsey got jealous. I didn’t think you had it in you.”

He rolled his eyes. “You’re never going to let this go, are you?”

“Nope,” she confirmed. She leaned in close again and placed another chaste kiss on his lips. “But don’t worry, Ethan. You have nothing to worry about.” She pulled out of their embrace as her pager beeped again (thankfully it was just a notification that her latest lab test results were in and not an emergency). “I’ve had some much better kisses since then. One of them, in this very room.”

Ethan smirked. “Glad to hear I made the running.”

She returned his smirk. “You also might be interested to know, I was lying. That New Year’s kiss was best kiss I’ve ever had. But it was beat by a mysterious tall doctor on a balcony in Miami last year. You might remember him; he was a bit of a risk taker, that one.”

He chuckled. “He sounds familiar, I admit.”

“I hope he comes back,” she said as she made her way out of the room. “His kisses are mind-blowing.” She winked at him as she finished her statement then sauntered out of the room, leaving a smirking Ethan, shaking his head, behind.

Tag list below the cut:

Tag List (let me know if you want to be added/removed):  @genevievemd @jamespotterthefirst @paulfwesley @ethansdique @openheartfanfics @perriewinklenerdie @little-flowers-on-heaven @stateofgracious @coffeeheartaddict @liaromancewriter @potionsprefect @mm2305 @gryffindordaughterofathena @actuallybored @writer-ish @queencarb @takeharryandgo @lsvdw-blog @itsjustwinter​ @imaneditorthankyouverymuch-deac @chaoticchopshopheart​ @ohchoices​ @maurine07​ @oldminniemcg​ @parisa-kh​ @shanzay44​ @uberamsey @izzyourresidentlawyer​ @adiehardfan​ @custaroonie​ @mia143​ @a-crepusculo​ @takemyopenheart​ @toadfrog26​ @quixoticdreamer16​ @barbean​ @headoverheelsforramsey​ @natureblooms24 @jerzwriter @crazy-loca-blog @dorisz