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#lowkey wish this existed
spicynectarines · 9 months
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if they make Sabine a jedi i will, perchance, kill myself
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joanjettenthusiast · 21 days
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notice how every "fix-it" fic where clive and maurice end up together never even has alec in it...even the claurices realize (even if subconsciously) that alec's mere presence would have maurice leaving clive's sorry ass for that gamekeeper dick...
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knowlesian · 2 years
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i was chatting about this over messages and hadn't seen anyone else post about it, so i figured what the hell: why my fourth favorite joke might be izzy’s pissy little ‘i do this, i do that, you're so erratic’ rant, and the subversion/setup/foreshadowing it provides. 
(third: montezuma’s revenge joke via izzy the metaphor colonizer. e5 setup, e9 punchline. now that’s some next level comedy writing.)
anyway! let’s take it line by line. 
For years, I’ve followed your every whim. I’ve managed your increasingly erratic moods, I’ve massaged this crew when they were worried about your judgment.
Mmm. Sounds stressful, Izzy.
so! it would be very easy to just take izzy at his word and create scenarios to suit, where izzy is a reliable narrator and actually doing all these things.
(and just as a structure nerd note while i’m at it, since i think that term gets used colloquially so often that much like filler, it needs clarifying sometimes: unreliable narrator doesn't mean never right or always lying. it just means unreliable, and their ultimate narrative purpose is to force an audience to think critically and examine the text as a whole to try to find what is empirical reality and what is not, instead of sorting them into liar or honest and leaving it there, thanks for coming to my tedtalk & etc) 
izzy himself is urging an audience to fill in those gaps, to create pre-canon scenarios that support izzy and silence ed. to make us imagine an ed who is out of control and in need of a constant exasperated minder; to implicitly and thematically render him a violent, angry child and not a full man in his own right. an ed who cannot face the world or make his own choices, unless izzy is there to guide him and set boundaries so he does not ruin his own life.
and izzy feels so, so burdened by this. he tells us so! 
hmmm. a burdened white man... which would make ed a white man’s burden.
now, where have i heard that before? it’s on the tip of my racist system of genocidal white people of all classes rolling up into places where people are living and dying and making good choices and bad choices alike all on their own just fine thanks and saying, party’s over kids. daddy’s home now, and you better listen up because father knows best tongue.
that’s izzy’s purpose in the narrative, at least when it comes to the specific angle of implicit bias and the stressful and constant unavoidable racial power dynamics that come into all our social interactions whether we like it or not. because if we are honest and genuinely want to dismantle white supremacy, we need to name the beast so we can fight it. that means admitting even when class is figured into the matter, white men of a certain age who act like izzy acts and say the things he says are unconsciously processed as being logical and in control no matter what, and people who are not white get the exact opposite treatment.
it’s the rule of who would the cops believe. (or, in this case, his majesty’s royal navy.)
izzy holds social power ed does not, alongside institutionalized power. this show is playing out very modern racial dynamics with izzy, so he’s blind to this power— we as an audience can’t be, or we’re... izzy.
and to be very blunt, because i feel i need to be: if you think being izzy is a good thing, then oh boy. time to think about why a white man who makes the black crew members do hard labor and none of the white ones is someone you are cool making excuses for.
i do not believe izzy cannot change his ways; i do believe he very, very much needs to change them.
which brings me to the undercover joke.
so, the first line is doing a lot, right out the gate: izzy says he's followed ed’s every whim.
first layer: izzy, hon, this is ed’s ship. he’s captain. his whims are what you literally signed up to follow. if you don’t want to follow them... go find a different captain, or be your own captain! these are very, very easy things to do, especially as the things canon backs izzy up on is that he’s a competent sailor and a fantastic fighter, when he's fighting people who actually play by traditional rules and not stede and his hijinks-heavy style of fighting.
(and just to say it: izzy losing to stede does not make him a bad fighter. it makes him an inflexible one, who is not good at improv’ing solutions outside blunt force ‘uhhhh we could kill things about it????’ type answers, and one who didn't see that cherrywood mast coming when he popped stede’s getting stabbed cherry. skilled people fuck up sometimes even before you get to not being able to predict new factors in situations you think you have thoroughly prepared for; it’s not impossible to lose, even when you are very very good at something and you prepared as well as anybody could. even serena williams has off days, and izzy hands you are no serena.)
second layer: uhhhh, do you follow his whims iz? because we see you push back, all the time forever, several times to the point of just saying fuck you, i won't let you make this choice and i am gonna make it for you. 
third layer, crunchiest of all? actually, ed ends up where he's at by the end of the finale because he decides to follow izzy’s whims, and just give that sad little man the blackbeard he asked for: a cartoon legend who cuts off toes for a laugh.
then we get to the next claim: he's managed ed’s ‘increasingly erratic moods’. 
now, don't get me wrong— we see ed respond to bad situations with sometimes outsized despondency, he gets real mad at racists and yells at nature/snakes, and when specifically triggered by very literally his worst memory that was also the moment that convinced him he's a bad person he cries in a bathtub and decides he’d rather not repeat that action, especially not when this time he’d be directly killing a man he's starting to love.
so i’m not like, ah yes. edward teach: famously always on an even keel and doing just fine.
but what's actually erratic about those things? erratic means unpredictable, not dramatic. he’s responding to bad situations in ways that indicate he's nearing the end of his desire to keep juggling all the plates he’s got in the air and that weariness combined with a certain amount of arrogance is making him stop double-checking for mistakes, but we see nothing that says he’s losing the ability.
only izzy tells us that. izzy, who is constantly being managed by ed throughout the run of the series. izzy, who seems to exhibit somewhat erratic behavior and mood swings of his own; izzy, who calls down the royal navy upon them all because he's butthurt and jealous and all his cds are in the car, regardless of what he tells himself about protecting ed from ruin.
izzy is shocked ed would sign the act of grace, but if he actually knew ed that would be a somewhat predictable action; anybody can see that ed really fuckin’ likes stede. he tried to stop izzy from the duel, and then when stede won he stuck to his guns and kicked izzy off the ship. ‘i wonder if he’ll just give up on this guy if i track down his crafty frat boy ex and get him to do a reverse parent trap’ is sort of a stupid plan, unless you’re assuming ed is genuinely just longing to go back to the old days and need to be shocked back into reality.
you know what i’d argue is actually fairly erratic, because erratic actually means unpredictable? that fucking plan of his.
how on earth would anyone be like, ah yes. jack was sent by izzy to break them up and lure ed off the ship so the royal navy can come crashing down on all their heads. nobody could have immediately predicted that, right after the sandwich bonked izzy on the noggin.
because izzy expresses horror that ed would lick the king’s boots: the unspoken there is there would be no boots to lick if izzy had not gone and fetched said jackboots and licked them to a shiny gleam first himself.
so when izzy is like, ewwww ed. you'd work with the KING??? we as an audience need to remember: izzy is a textual hypocrite. izzy still has the taste of bootleather on his tongue, and he’s got the gall to get all snotty at ed about the act of grace— a choice ed makes under duress with a literal gun to stede’s head, where izzy made a choice of his own free will out of misplaced emotions and a condescending colonizer mindset that tells him he has the fucking right to look at ed and see a burden to be shouldered and a man who is half-insane, not a fucking genius at the top of his game who keeps telling izzy to please just knock it off and stop being so fuckin rigid.
which brings us to the third part, and the text’s subtle confirmation that everything izzy says he does for ed in that speech, ed actually does for izzy.
he’s massaging the crew when they doubt ed’s judgement, izzy says.
we know that’s not true. fang and ivan don’t respect him for a myriad of reasons, and anytime ed is gone and they can express it they do.
then, once they think ed is gone for good— it's curtains for ol’ izzy. fang and ivan would rather sail under the leadership of one oluwande boodhari, Genuinely Good Captain Material than spend one single more second dealing with izzy’s version of the same.
what saves izzy from meeting the devil at the bottom of the deep blue sea?
ed’s arrival, and ed’s desire to have a familiar face bring him tea. because he'd rather it be stede, but he doesn’t want to be alone; and izzy is still there while stede is gone, potentially forever as far as ed knows.
so, the text tells us: if there was any massaging of the crew going on, it was ed’s legend and the idea of what ed would do if he woke up and somebody had shoved his purse dog overboard keeping izzy afloat.
we know that, because they showed us. 
so what the text shows us is ed, keeping him around even though nobody else has faith in him, managing izzy and knowing his mind well enough to do so successfully. we see ed ask izzy for tea once; to make up scenarios where izzy did that for so long he’s just tired of taking care of ed at long last is to ignore what we see, and just listen to what izzy tells us.
because what does ed say? that sounds stressful, izzy. sounds; not is. 
i just wanna TALK to these writers, you know? jesus fuck.
he’s mocking izzy, because ed knows what the fuck is going on. he knows everything izzy claims to do and wants to take credit for, ed is actually doing and deserves the credit for. this is what it is, to exist in the world and look like ed: there is always, always a white person ready to take credit for your labor while they devalue you and say it's for your own good.
heartbreaking part loud: most of the time, they fucking believe it is. racism is also an unconscious reflex action, floating along in the cultural bloodstream, popping up in ways people don't often see in themselves, or care to investigate at all when someone points it out to them.
to wit: we know ed asked izzy to bring him lucius. he did not want izzy for comfort; we do not see izzy witness him cry, not once. pointedly: ed cries alone, once lucius is gone.
to ignore that and to assume izzy has been watching that happen, over and over and over because ed is erratic and lacks control and surely could not hide things from izzy, World’s Least Emotionally Intelligent Man, is to ignore ed’s version of events— and the version of events we see play out in front of our eyes— because we heard izzy’s point of view before we got the truth of the matter.
to take izzy at his word at first is understandable; he literally spoke first, and the action then showed his version of history to be untrue afterwards, episode by episode. these are careful writers and subtle ones to boot, so it’s easy to forget this is not a show where the curtains are just blue, leave the matter there and then filter all future action through what izzy told us to see. 
and beyond that, we are all trained to see men like izzy as reliable sources and arbiters of empirical reality and history via the dominant culture set by those who most benefit from these assumptions. sadly, most media has at best a surface desire to break that narrative pattern. i very much know that in most shows, izzy would be reliable and ed would be erratic, and it would be a pattern repeated on accident without malicious will or conscious intent ever entering the chat— that’s what makes defeating it so hard to do. people genuinely do not mean to do these things, so they tell themselves they could not be doing it at all.
antonio espera (aka, poke) gives a whole speech about this in generation kill, another piece of media that considers these issues and (due to the subject matter and the real men it portrays) has the approach of presenting us a rainbow of izzys to understand, see them as fellow complicated humans worth empathy who have a specific history that made them what they are, then hold them to narrative account for the horrible things they do, anyway.
white man’s gotta rule the world, says the conventional wisdom via a us marine who combines dark humor and honesty when discussing his lack of ability to be a powerful white man and his job enforcing a broken fucked up power system for them. it’s just a job; and that’s just destiny.
on ofmd, they’re far more interested in building a world where none of that is the case at all.
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blujaynoodles · 9 months
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Indigo's Magical Girl Transformation™ starry form, before and after I added the effects. Obviously this does spoil the 'what's in your pants' joke but honestly they're not, like, actually private or secretive about their anatomy, and also I just think a naked little guy with a gun is funny
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claireandcrap · 6 months
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some people really be out here saying "i hate my mom" with no good reson maye like one or two little things bother them and there like my mum is horrible she makes me eat good food" ok? and??? do you *want* cavities? i bet if you ate what you wanted all the time you would die :) "i hate my mum she only lets me have an hour of screentime and makes me do my homework" SO SHE CARES ABOUT YOUR MENTAL WELLBEING THEN?!??!?!??!?!?!?!?? im sick and tired of "uwu mommy issues uwu my mom hates me" :)
(this is not directed toward anyone irl cuz i know my friends might read this dont worry its not abt you)
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choiliner · 23 days
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if i were an idol i'd get sick of my own songs SO damn fast like. imagine having to film dozens upon dozens of tiktoks dancing to the same part of the song every time you go literally anywhere
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mochiwrites · 5 months
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moondal514 · 5 months
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Whenever I see discourse about representation in media, all I can think about is how I have never ever once expected to see myself in a character, and in fact spent most of my childhood unaware that I was supposed to be seeing myself in the characters of the books/movies I loved, because the idea of expecting someone to write a character that’s an agnostic half-Korean half-Jewish Eastern European sex-averse asexual girl is laughable at best
#it’s like#I’ve always felt that my personal demographic experience is so specific that like#it would be wack for me to ever expect to see that represented#and ngl it would prob freak me out a bit if I did ever see it represented#I once read a manuscript where the mc was mixed race and had the exact same hobbies and divorce parents set-up as me#and lowkey that freaked me out and made reading the manuscript v uncomfortable for me#and all I could think is why do people wish to see themselves in characters so desperately?#I’m not saying diverse characters in media aren’t important#because they most definitely are#but it’s just#there’s a difference to me between asking for diversity vs. asking for representation#and anyways almost all representation discourse boils down to just needing more representation#this character might be unrelatable and stereotypical to you#I can guarantee that there does exist someone who can see themself in this character you call ‘bad representation’#this applies to all rep in media btw#even the kind that gets called ‘fetishizing’#the think about diversity and representation is it’s boring if only one kind of character is created for one group#so to me ‘representation’ is really just asking for a wider variety in the characters that are made#not just the constant same-old of what you see#what was the point of this again?#oh yeah#me not understanding the desire to see yourself in media#personally I do not wished to be perceived but that’s prob just a me problem#fandom be like#moonie posting
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silenthillbunni · 6 months
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🎂🧸🚬
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random n gin stuff I have lying around
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deep-sea-horror · 6 months
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ah ah ah stupid cunt dont think im not gonna see you reblogging from pro-israeli accounts and not block you
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mundanemiseries · 10 months
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^ The Patron Saint of Gay Wrongs.
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halalgirlmeg · 9 months
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This is also what happens when you go from a man who like gets back to you every blue moon and you pursued him first vs a man who is like obsessed with you and doesn't let you forget
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cescalr · 2 years
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high guardian spice is to me what sword art online is also to me. better in the abridged version. though for wildly different reasons
#hgs abridged is a pure comedy and it's super fun as this lowkey low budget type deal. it's halfway a shitpost and a labour of love for the#creative medium of writing an actual fucking coherent story#even with all the memes and stupidity inherent to the shitpost abridged show format#whereas SOAA is just. so good like it's amazing Something Witty Entertainment is doing fucking great things for the medium. pls watch it#sword art online and high guardian spice are terrible in different ways. both of them have a couple things in common though; extremely gener#generic and super mediocre#but while hgsa is stupid fun. soaa is like. i wish this was the actual show. level of quality. so i enjoy them for different reasons#also soaa gets like 1 episode every year or two. which. yeah. its worth the wait though#soaa is high art to hgsa's shitpost. and i love that for them#some of hgsa is like. too stupid for me. they used big chungus recently and i was just like... sigh. but other than that it's pretty good.#i don't understand the jojo refrences but like good for them. glad they're having fun#soaa is like. i genuinely don't need to know anything abt soa or anything else to enjoy it. it works as a standalone property#might as well be original work. except it isn't. so the only reason i'm glad soa exists#is so that i can wath soaa#it's just. it's superb. it's that good. there's Some problems with it (I don't always jive with the humour) but the actual like emotional#beats are REALLY well done. you actually kinda like the characters even though they're#objectively worse people than in soa#somehow#it's just. it's fun. i enjoy it immensely#there was a really good choice in hgsa that made me cackle though#and that's the rework of cal's character. that was a great choice#anyway#done rambling... for now...
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