#lyrics from just a stranger by Kali uchis | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sailorhyunjinz · 3 years

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𝕴𝖓 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝕷𝖔𝖘𝖙 𝕾𝖔𝖚𝖑𝖘 𝐈𝐈

Pairing; Bartender!Changbin x Fem!reader (she/her pronouns)

Warning ; ANGST!!! SMUT!! skz side characters, semi-slow burn, hurt/comfort, strangers to lovers, depiction of mental disorders, consumption of alcohol, tobacco use, dysfunctional families, mentions of undereating, vague hints to eating d-sorders mentions of crimes, mentions of blades, fainting, mentions of dr-g use, arguments, mentions of savior complex, mentions of childhood neglect, depiction of depression, mentions of needles, mentions of blades, yelling, mentions of hangover, parental issues (lmao cherry just say daddy issues), arguments

𝘕𝘚𝘍𝘞 ; PIV, unprotected sex, hair pulling, drooling, getting caught, masturbation, fingering, clitoral stimulation, orgasm (f).

(fic header made by @yjeongs! thank u cora <33)

𝘞𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘊𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵 ; 10.0 k

From one survivor to another; cheers you guys.

O N E ｜ T W O

⊱ ────── {⋅. ♪ Playlist ♪ .⋅} ────── ⊰

Drugs N Hella Melodies - Don Toliver, Kali Uchis

Life is a Bi... - Bibi

cigarette and condom - Bibi

Empty Trash - LØREN

Noir - Sunmi

NEED - LØREN

Pretty Boy - The Neighbourhood

(hint hint look at the lyrics <33)

𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥.

𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘰𝘧 18.

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐈𝐈 ; 𝐌𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐢𝐚

Three months.

Three months of booze, questionable substances, friends and most importantly.

Him.

Seo Changbin.

You never knew you could feel this deep about someone, there hadn’t been a reason earlier in your life since everyone in it either used you or abused you. But you knew he was different from the first time you saw him that night in the dark room, injured and surrounded by 7 other boys that were now your closest friends. Why would anyone ever want to leave this place? There was everything! Free drinks, ear-deafening music and your boyfriend. This was heaven for a hurt soul like you, so why would anyone search for an exit in this box of traitors?

“O-oh fuck! Changbin!” you cried out as the momentum of his thrusts made you jolt forward, hands desperately trying to grab onto the black leather of the sofa you and him had made love on countless times, the door always being unlocked since there wasn’t a lock and this damn parallel universe wasn’t gonna install one anytime soon.

Changbin grabbed your hair, twisting it around his hand as he pounded into you from the back, the supple valleys of your ass wobbling with each movement. Your voice became frail, stuttering and moaning his name in broken syllables along many other pleas and swearwords, the way your words became incoherent the longer he fucked you made his head lull backwards, pure music to his ears unlike that shitty music that blasted through the speakers on the dancefloor that was just next to the tiny dark room that was currently filled with the scent of sex and lust. Your head was tilted up, eyes tightly shut as you clenched around Changbin’s leaking cock that was jackhammering into your wet cunt, his dick glistening with your slick every time his hips moved away from you and reflected in the minimal light of the room. He grunted as all kinds of lewd sounds were heard from you, the skin slapping against each other and the squelching noise of your pussy being filled with his cock. His hands had a tight grip on your hips, his fingers digging into your skin as the pleasure surged through every nerve of his body, sweat beading around on his temples. Your arms could barely hold you up, quivering and risking to collapse under you causing you to put your head towards the seat, warm cheek against the slightly cold leather. With your back fully arched your ass perked up, Changbin hitting exactly the right place in this position, a small stream of drool hanging from the corner of your swollen lips. You were so close to your release, hanging on by a thread to not tip over the edge and be sent spiraling down an earth shaking orgasm.

“C-changbin, I’m gonna f-fucking cum” you stutter, reaching your hands backwards to which he let go of your hair and instead grabbed your wrists, holding you in place and pushing you down onto his cock. Your voice was no longer a whimper but instead a scream, goosebumps erupting on your soft skin as you panted, Changbin viciously thrusting inside you and being fueled by your pleasured sounds, he got off by the fact that you felt good. You were so close. So close.

“QUICK!! FELIX FUCKING FAINTED” Jisung said, bursting through the door but immedietly regretting his decision as he yelled out into the room that was now filled with your yelp and the loud club music from outside.

“For fuck sake Jisung! Knock!” Changbin growled at the boy, you trying to grab your clothes off the floor and desperately covering yourself as Jisung stod in the doorway with panicked eyes, flailing his arms around in an anxious state. He was more appalled by seeing Felix passed out than he was seeing Changbin fucking you from behind.

“NO TIME FOR KNOCKING, JUST FUCKING MOVE” he said, signaling his hands to follow him. In a haste you put on your clothes that weren’t much more than a skirt and a tight shirt, oh and of course your sexy panties, you had leveled up from your previous looks that made you look like a distressed mother of 4. Now you knew when you were gonna pass out and you even teleported in the phonebooth instead of injuring your head against the wall as you fainted. Changbin did the same, putting on only his pants as he ran after Jisung, you following shortly after, scared about what you were gonna witness.

The main dance floor looked like it usually did. People high, drunk or both, dancing and singing their hearts out, falling over and tumbling down on the floor. The whole place reeked of straight liquor and the music was loud enough for anyone to go deaf. You held Changbin’s hand as he dragged you through the crowd, not letting his eyes go from Jisung’s figure that was leading the both of you to the back end of the club, pushing through people and muttering small apologies that couldn’t be heard by even yourself. When you got to the end of the big place you saw Felix, his back and head against the table as he was completely knocked out, his legs dangling from the end of the rectangular table. You climbed on top of the soft seatings of the booth, putting your cheek near his nose and mouth. You didn’t hear if he was breathing but you were assured as you felt his cold breath against your hot flesh, sighing in relief.

“How is he?!” Jisung yelled, “is he dying?”

You shook your head, grabbing his limp wrist and putting your pointer and middle finger on the underside of his limb, his veins not visible in the dark lighting of the club. His pulse was stable, beating faintly.

“He’ll be alright!” you yelled back, the concerned gazes of the other boys standing around the boy exhaling as they heard your words, Changbin going closer to Felix and putting his hand on his shoulder, shaking the boy and repeating his name over and over again but to no avail. Seungmin rubbed the palm of his hand against his exposed forehead as his hair was pushed back.

“I’ll stay here with him, Changbin fetch me a water bottle and,,, wait,,, why did he even faint in the first place?” he asked, the boys looking at each other until they landed on Jisung that looked distressed, his pinkish lips quivering.

“Probably a nice concoction of no food and only alcohol” he said, peering down at his black boots, his hair flopping onto his face, too shy to meet the gazes of his friends as if he had done something wrong himself. Seungmin could only sigh, you patting Jisung on the back as you walked through the jumping crowd again, the song changing as you heard Seungmin say “get him something Changbin”, their voices fading into the beat as you walked with Jisung behind you.

Jisung slammed the door as you two were back in the room that had only moments earlier been filled with helpless whimpers and pleas. You threw yourself on the wrinkly couch, looking away in shyness when remembering that Jisung had caught the two of you even if everyone knew that you guys fucked in that very same room whenever there was time and Changbin wasn’t standing in the bar. The young boy sat down on the dark floor, leaning his elbow against the seat of the sofa as his twinkling eyes met yours.

“I,,, just don’t understand” he said, you tilting your head in wonder as he uttered those words.

“Don’t understand what Sungie?” you said, the walls almost vibrating from the bass of the song from outside. He sighed as he momentarily looked away from you.

“Felix,,, like it’s so clear that he needs help, just over the last few months his cheeks have sunken in and his eyes are completely matte and lifeless” he said, his voice trembling as a lump of tears was stuck in his throat.

“But aren’t you the same Jisung? You need help too, help to stop thinking that everyone is your responsibility. I understand that you want to help him,,, but you carrying everyone's emotional baggage has landed you here. Felix will get help by those that are capable of getting him that help, you aren’t Jisung.”

His eyes shot up at you, dark as his eyebrows furrowed, his jaw clenching in anger. He felt attacked, commenting on his actions usually made him feel offended.

“I am capable of helping him. What about you then huh? You can’t even help your own boyfriend” he snarked, running his hand over his hair in frustration. You rolled your eyes at him, watching him as he bit the inside of his cheek. He needed to do that, he couldn’t tell you the fact that one day your boyfriend is just gonna disappear since he’s actually taking matters into his own hands and getting help.

“Don’t say that Jisung, we both try our best,,, let’s not fight over something we can’t control” you say, your voice getting frail by the end of the sentence.

“Can’t control? We can, we can help each other!” he said, banging the palm of his hand against the warm leather of the couch, making you jump in fear. You dropped down on your knees, your eyes being on the same level as his as you looked at him, the young boy diverting his gaze immediately.

“Jisung, look at me.” You grabbed his other hand that was resting in his lap against the rough material of his jeans. “We try, that’s the best we can do. Change comes from within. Nobody can save us if we don’t save ourselves.” Jisung sighed loudly, swallowing harshly, the both of you flinching when somebody burst through the black door. Changbin was carrying Felix on his back, the male still passed out on his broad shoulders. Your boyfriend looked puzzled at the scene before him. His girlfriend holding hands with one of his closest friends, sitting close enough to feel his breath against her cheek, both looking like two helpless deers caught in headlights. He furrowed his eyebrows as he walked into the room, throwing Felix off his shoulder and positioning him into a semi-prone position in order to open the airways. You and Jisung stood up, looking at the blonde boy and how his eyelashes layed gently against his lower eyelid. Changbin looked at Felix for a while before turning to you with a serious expression.

“So,,, what happened here?” he said to which you shrugged.

“Me and Jisung just talked,,, about Felix” you answered, Changbin uttering a little “oh” as his previous rather unfaithful suspicions were proven to be false. “There’s no need to worry, he’s breathing so he won’t be in any medical danger as of right now but somebody needs to keep an eye on him,,, in case something changes.” You smiled at him talking.

“Alright doctor Changbin” you said while giggling, hugging him and him wrapping his sturdy arms around you, looking at Jisung’s mellow expression, eyes brimming with tears as he sat down on his knees on the floor once again, pushing a lock of hair from Felix’s delicate face, cupping his cheek that was once plump but now gaunt. Changbin pulled away from your comforting embrace and patted Jisung on the shoulder, bending his knees to get closer to him.

“Do you wanna keep an eye on him, Ji?” he asked to which the boy nodded, not answering with words, not even a gaze at the male that was talking to him. He turned around to look at you, pointing his chin towards the door, signaling for the two of you to get out and leave the two boys alone to which you nodded, following Changbin out and gently closing the door behind you by turning the knob and releasing it slowly. The music got louder and louder as you two walked in the long corridor before ending up on the main floor, the corridor going to the bar and you could only get onto the dance floor by exciting through the wooden gate of the bar.

“I’ll go find the others, you should work!!” you yelled through the music and Changbin nodded, giving you a kiss on the lips before you exited through the gate, being careful to knock any of the liquor bottles on the walls over and causing a ruckus like you’d done once before, being black-out drunk and trying to hobble your way through to god knows where, accidentally swinging your arms towards the shelfs. Luckily everything restores itself in this universe.

People were doing their usual activities in all corners of the club, making out against a wall or jumping, spilling their drinks on the floor that Changbin would have to mop up afterwards when he steps in the sticky liquid that pressed up against ones shoe. It was impossible to see who was who in the dark room, the neon lights on the roof changing colors but not making it easier for you, especially not with the commotion around you, individuals bumping into each other. In the distance you saw a hand waving, a familiar hand that was decked out in maybe a thousand silver rings, all with intricate designs that could only be seen from up close. Next thing you see is Hyunjin jumping, the bedazzled hand belonging to the long haired blonde male that always made sure to use the most expensive perfume. You made your way over to him, the male smiling brightly as he sat down on the edge of the cubical sofa, the other males being around the table that Felix was lying unconscious on just a brief moment earlier. The table was filled with half empty beer bottles along with red glimmering packs of cigarettes that belonged to some of them. Hyunjin patted the seat next to him, scooting closer to Jeongin that was ruffling his slightly sweaty hair, putting the bottle green top against his lip and taking a sip, his adam's apple moving as he swallowed.

Hyunjin was different, different from anyone else in this place. You’d expect him to have the best life imaginable due to his family background. His father was the CEO of an influential business and his mother being his fathers assistant, both living a lavish life and providing for their only son, Hyunjin. But no amount of wealth can buy happiness. You don’t know the entire story but what you have heard when he was drunk and barely able to speak is that he was bullied all throughout school, struggling with the pressure being put on him by his parents to become a businessman just like his father. It ate Hyunjin alive to everyday go to sleep and feel like a failure that wasn’t able to live up to his parents expectations. He wasn’t worth this lifestyle he thought as he mindlessly doodled on the edge of his college application papers, it was easier to end it. He felt like a coward, always taking the easy way out but that’s how he’d lived his entire life. Getting help wasn’t an option, it would bring shame upon the family if anyone found out that he went to therapy and besides, his family didn’t believe in mental illnesses, it was simply to “go on a run” to feel better. “Then why the fuck am I not feeling better? I’ve ran miles but my mind runs faster” he wrote in the small black notebook he kept in his bedside table, hiding it together with his cigarettes under piles of papers and books. That’s how he ended up here, being together in a little group consisting of Chan and Minho along with some other people that had already departed from the place he felt the safest.

You gave a smile to Hyunjin, grabbing the beer bottle in front of him, earning a little “hey!” from him but you drank it anyway as you laughed at his reaction, the bitterness spreading throughout your mouth. You exhaled, putting the bottle down harshly, the loud sound being drowned out by the music. Hyunjin laughed along with you, he seemed kinda distant, his pupils dilated. With furrowed eyebrows you looked at the other boys that looked back at you in a confused manner.

“Something wrong y/n?” Seungmin asked, his cheeks slightly red from the heat that was radiating off everybody in the room, the tension heightening the temperature. Your eyes landed on Minho who looked equally as dazed as Hyunjin, looking up at the ceiling as the crown of his head rested against the dark walls in an uncomfortable manner.

“You guys definitely did something” you said to which Hyunjin laughed, now stealing Minho’s drink since he was completely immersed at how the colors changed.

“Of course we did,,, if we were gonna do it, why not here?” he said, looking at you through hooded eyes, his gaze sharp as pin needles, the black smudged eyeliner around his eyes not making it easier to escape the way you drowned in them. It was true, here was the place where you could be yourself, do whatever you pleased and act reckless as long as you didn’t hurt anybody, a rule Minho found difficult. It’s not that he wanted to hurt people, it’s just that he couldn’t help himself. Something bad was gonna happen if he didn’t. So that’s what the switchblade was for, not to hurt anyone but just in case he needed to add another felony to his list. You didn’t even wanna know what substances that ran through his veins but you felt bad for him. He was a slave to his own thoughts, sometimes even his own actions. He had no other choice but to obey them, do everything that the voices whispered faintly into his ear, a serenade of revenge to everyone that has never believed in him, considered him a shame and neglected him. No, not him. His inner child.

Seungmin grabbed the red carton of cigarettes, the crimson wrapper unfolding itself when he opened the lid and grabbed one of the deathsticks whose orange ends were looking up at him. He picked one up, putting it to his lips and patting down his sides in search for a lighter but to no avail. He sighed out of the corner of his mouth, gesturing towards Hyunjin by flicking his pointer finger upwards, the blonde boy reaching over to his pocket and retrieving a white lighter that he put on the glossy mahogany table and scooted across it, Seungmin grabbing it as it nearly fell to his feet. He thanked Hyunjin by lazily saluting with two fingers before igniting the cigarette, the deep purple fading out into a light orange at the tip of the flame, the smoke evaporating around Seungmin as he puffed, exhaling straight ahead of him, poor Jeongin beside him coughing.

“What’s even the purpose of these?” Jeongin said, grabbing the packet and examining it closely, twisting and turning the small box.

“What’s the purpose of your life?” Seungmin answered with an evil laugh, you wanting to bend over the table and smack him across the face for talking like that to the youngest. Jeongin shrugged his shoulders, smirking at Seungmin.

“Touchè I guess” he said, a smile hiding his pain. “Can I get one?” he said as he nudged Seungmin on the shoulder, the boy already taking his second puff. Seungmin didn’t answer, simply placing the cigarettes and Hyunjin’s white lighter in front of him. You stared at Seungmin in disbelief for a moment before throwing yourself over Hyunjin’s lap, grabbing the two objects and clutching them tightly in your hand. Hyunjin flinched at the sudden commotion, all the boy’s eyes were on you, tilting their heads like confused puppies.

“Don’t you even dare Yang Jeongin” you said, him looking at you with twinkling innocent eyes. He nodded and you turned your head back to Seungmin. “And you, no actually all of you, quit it” you said, a moment of silence flew by before all of them bursted out in laughter.

“fucking,,, tell that to your boyfriend first” Minho said, him finally awake from his trance “if you manage to get him to stop then we’re all with you y/n” he said, laughing, his two front teeth poking out like a rabbit. You sighed, looking at the four boys but noticing Chan was missing.

“Where’s Chan?” you asked, Seungmin shrugging as he exhaled grey smoke again.

“He hasn’t arrived yet,, don’t know what he’s up to” he answered, putting the orange end to his plump lips, pink in color but this being impossible to see in the changing neon lighting. “I wonder how Lixie is doing,,,” he added with a sigh. Good you hoped, the last three months have been nothing but a downward spiral to hell for the boy, everyday the gleam from his eyes got duller and duller until they were matte with fatigue. You remember a distinct moment that happened in the first couple of weeks in the club, you still getting to know the peculiar characters that moved around in this place. Felix was sitting in the bar, you sitting right next to him, the whole conversation was difficult to hear due to the music and chatter from people but you guys made do.

“You know that song? By Radiohead?” he said. You shrugged and shook your head.

“Which one?” you asked, taking a sip from your drink that was unfortunately made by another bartender, Changbin not being there yet.

“That one where they sing ‘I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul’” he said with a giggle, grabbing his glass and taking a swig of the poison in his glass, decorated with lemons and limes. You laughed with him, not knowing what he meant, thinking he was just spewing random words at you from being intoxicated.

“Yeah, what about it?” you said, the young boy’s smile fading away as he gulped, placing down the drink.

“I don’t know,,, I often listen to it on the bus or home alone,,, it tells me something but I can’t place my finger on what exactly” he said with a loud sigh, resting his cheek on his hand that was bent against the dark wooden bar.

“Isn’t it the lyrics?” you said, “the fact that you want to be perfect in every way?” Felix hummed for a minute before nodding his head slowly.

“It’s not even that I want to be perfect because that’s what society taught me,,, it’s because I live in a false reality where I believe that people will love me and appreciate me more if i tweak everything” he blurted out, going silent and sipping his drink slowly.

“I’m happy that you know that it’s false but,,, what’s stopping you?” you asked, looking at the boy whose eyes were gazing at the wooden stick inside his drink, stirring it over and over again.

“Because,,, if I stop,,, I won’t be sick enough”

The both of you got silent after he remarked those words. Felix got silent because he thought he’d said something wrong. You got silent because you knew how that felt, that someone was going through your struggles.

“You don’t prove anything by that Felix. I k-know this is gonna sound stupid and you’ve heard it so many times but,,, just know that I love you no matter how you look. I’m happy that you’re here Lixie”

You looked at him and his dark brown eyes met yours, glittering once again, rounded as if he’d heard the best news of his life. He opened his arms and you stood up on the floor, hugging him and squeezing him by the sides.

“I’m happy that you are here too y/n” he whispered in your ear, barely audible from the loud bumping of the music. You pulled off the hug and shimmied up the bar stool again, putting the transparent glass edge to your lips and feeling the liquor trickle down your throat.

“I was thinking of getting those words tattooed on me but now that I think about it, I want those words tattooed on me but with a big red x over it.” You smiled together with him, his dimples being carved into those freckled cheeks along with his bleak eyeshadow, his lips a cherry tint.

“You should.”

“Oh fuck-” you cursed as you woke up on your living room floor that was covered in dust and crumbs that was a trail all the way to the kitchen. You sighed every time you were back in reality, in the cursed world that wanted nothing else but to crush you under its fingertips. A patter was heard from outside, gentle raindrops decorating your windows as they were falling from the dusky skies. The rain was at least better you thought, in the sun you felt immense guilt for not being as happy as everyone around you, scrolling through your phone and seeing pictures of old classmates on trips and drinking out in the basking sun, wearing sundresses and hats. Being picturesque.

You made your own fun. Late wine nights and therapy appointments early in the morning where you get drilled with information that you could actually use to get better but you decide to cancel it all out. It was impossible to take in. Or maybe you wanted this now? Like Felix said, you wanted to remain sick enough even if there is no such thing. It used to be about not wanting to leave your comfort zone as odd as it sounds. You had struggled with your mental health for as long as you could remember and getting better would mean that you would have to make active changes in your life that at the moment didn’t seem appealing. But now it wasn’t about that. It was about Changbin. Getting better would mean that you would have to leave him, not only him but all the other friends you made at the club for the last months. They felt closer than family especially since you’d barely had one in the past. You wanted to stay by Changbin for forever but did you want to suffer for just as long?

Little did you know, Changbin didn’t.

You stood up from the wooden floorboards, stepping closer to the balcony door and seeing the rain cover the streets, lonesome people walking with umbrellas and rain jackets through the storm, probably on their way home to a delicious home cooked meal, a comfortable bed and a stable mind. You only had one of those things but you, in contrast from before the club, didn’t get jealous when you saw those people down at the rainy street. You had your own happiness that was Changbin.

Every time you said his name your heart started racing, your knees almost bent underneath you as you walked back to the couch, no lights turned on in the entire odorous apartment. With a thump you fell with your back against the comforting material, once again being swallowed by a fort of pillows and clothes that you haven’t been bothered to put away. The tv display stood blank, your silhouette reflecting in the matte sheen of the screen, your face almost hanging low with boredom. What was there to do when you weren’t in Changbin’s secure arms?

It was as if his name rolled off your tongue. Smooth as butter, sweet as syrup. You closed your eyes, eyelashes fluttering against your cheek, tickling the sensitive skin on your face. Underneath your lids pictures flashed by in bright colors, not from imagination but from memory. The pictures radiated their energy through your entire body, sending shivers down to the tips of your toes as you saw the faces of your best friends and boyfriend, their smiles creating red apples on their cheeks.

You wondered how many of those smiles were fake.

A wave of arousal shot through your body as remembered the events that took place before Jisung had a chance to ruin them, how Changbin grunted next to your ear, his hot breath teasing the shell of your ear as he whispered, the movements of his hips going from rolling to pounding, the room filling with the lewd noises of skin slapping against each other accompanied with your tiny whimpers, pleading him to make you cum. You couldn’t help but to rub your legs together, shifting in the grey sofa that was decorating your trash pile of a living room, the other decor pieces being empty bottles and white used tissues that were tiny houses to your tears. You peeked down quickly, seeing that you were still in your party clothes that consisted of a shirt and a short skirt that was sitting kinda lopsided on the base of your hips, hugging your skin tightly. With a rapid hand you removed the garment by unzipping it by the side, kicking the fabric towards the end of the couch with your feet that were bare, you managed to toss your sneakers away whilst you were deep in your imaginations. Except for the bright colors in your mind, the rest of the apartment was dark, not a single light being switched on. Your light source for many of your lonesome nights were the grey poles on which a bulbous light hung, a so-called street light. The blue cold light shone inside, deep dark shadows being casted on the walls by the trees that decorated the sidewalk.

Lines started to blur between the real and the fake, not sure if you actually felt Changbin’s hands wrapped around your neck or if it was just yet another illusion your mind has decided to put forward. You could feel the warmth from his hands surging down your neck, soothing your heart in a comforting way. It was as if you were being held in a way that made your blood run south, loved and aroused at the same time. It was as if a ball of warmth bubbled inside you, encapsulating you in its aura of happiness and distraction, your hand teasing the the skin on your lower abdomen before it plunged beneath the small pair of cotton panties that had been violently pulled off by your boyfriend some time ago, exactly how much was something you couldn’t tell, the universe simply didn’t allow time.

Time is an arrow.

It always goes forward.

Under the thin elastic your fingers started moving on their own, like they knew what to do, almost imitating what Changbin had done so many nights prior to this one on that murky couch. You couldn’t help but to wonder if he missed you right this moment. Was was he doing? What was he thinking? You wondered if he thought about you whenever he pleasured himself, if it was your name that echoed in the four empty walls of his broken down apartment whenever he came. The thought of his hand wrapped around his cock as he groaned made you sweat, the skin on the underside your knees sticking to each other as your knees were bent, soles flat against the frowning sofa. Automatically you spread your legs, one resting against the wallpapered surface as the other one hung out from the edge of the sofa. With your middle finger you felt the slippery surface, gathering your slick as you swiped up your finger, coating the sensitive bud in stickiness. You clenched around nothing, thinking about how Changbin whispered his praises in a sweet tone like a serenade.

“You’re doing so well y/n, fuck,,, you’re so pretty princess”

You nodded despite there being no one to see, small whimpers forcing their way out of your throat as two fingers circled your clit, spreading one pussy lip with a third finger, widening the area of contact. Your spine arched at anticipation, a faraway feeling approaching with quick strides as you squirmed your hips, butt digging into couch cushions as your gently pinched your slick-covered clit. Your hole was practically begging for more, velvety walls throbbing for pleasure that you didn’t mind giving, slowly inserting your middle finger, followed by a second finger, hissing at the initial stretch and getting used to the feeling, wiggling your fingers inside just like Changbin always does but his fingers filled you up better accompanied by the small marks he left all over your torso and tits, sucking on your delicate nipples with his wet tongue, leaving a trail of saliva as he licked around the valley of your tits, the ticklish feeling causing you to throw your head back.

“f-faster binnie” you said into thin air, there being no one to answer your request except your fingers that started going faster in and out of your squelching hole, using your thumb to nudge on your clit, desperately trying to move it in circles and moaning as pleasure built up in the pit of your core. You licked your lips, coating them in a thin sheen of spit, imagining his soft lips pressing up against yours, his tongue coaxing yours as he licked your bottom lip, nibbling on it before slipping it into your mouth, the soft surface meeting yours, a languid kiss being exchanged as he panted into the kiss, you whining gently in between breaths. Your hair stood in a mess as you rubbed your head against the fluffy pillow under you, a couple of stray pieces sticking to your forehead that was covered in a lustre of sweat, reflecting in the small amount of light that was looming in the room together with you. Your mind blurred with lewd scenes with him, curving your fingers inside you in order to reach your g-spot and being startled by your own moan when you did, it simply felt too good, especially when thinking that it was his fingers that plunged into your wetness.

“Just a little bit more y/n,, o-oh shit,,, f-fuck i’m gonna cum”

His voice ringed in your ears, it didn’t have to be loud to be memorable and make your head spin with pure amativeness. Your fingers started to hurt from how vigorously you were pumping them inside yourself, bringing yourself to the edge as you imagined that it was Changbin’s cock, twitching and begging from release, wishing he would cum inside you and paint your walls in his milky white cum, the hot liquid oozing out of your swollen pussy. Your clit throbbed, your breathing getting uneven between your parted lips, your hand being slightly restricted by the fabric of your underwear.

“Cum for me baby”

It was an automatic response. Your hips convulsing upwards, high-pitched moans bouncing off the walls as you continued to tease your clit, pulling out your fingers and rubbed the swollen bud up and down into overstimulation until you it hurt, your eyes tightly squeezed, small droplets of tears teasing the corners of your shut orbs. The high washed over you, from the crown of your head to the tips of your toes, every body part rushing with adrenaline before coming down in a state of repose. Slowly you withdrew your hand from beneath the fabric, the elastic snapping gently against your skin, fingertips glistening with your juicy release that now also coated your panties as it rubbed against the inside fabric. You slowly opened your eyes, vision blurry before focusing correctly, seeing nothing but darkness and vague outlines of objects. Night had fallen. You sighed, you were alone.A part of you wished at Changbin had been there whenever your glittering doe-eyes sprung open, your plushy lips being met with his but alas you couldn’t get everything in life.

Except that you couldn’t even get anything. At all.

“Binnie!!!” you shouted as soon as you opened your eyes as you woke up on the floor, looking around confused as your voice echoed in the room. You rubbed your eyes, the familiar automated voice and its words still stuck in your head.

“Uh? Over here y/n”

You heard his voice, the sweet tune hitting your eardrums, you looked at the direction of the sound and noticed that you were lying on the main dance floor. No music. No people. You stood up with wobbly knees, looking around and being shone on by a spotlight on the ceiling, watching Changbin drying off a couple of glasses with a kitchen towel, a brown apron sitting snugly around his waist, another piece of useless fabric that hid his well-sculpted body.

“W-why is there no one here? Are we glitching again?!” your voice panicked as your gaze was busy, landing everywhere from the meaningless neon green exit sign pointing to nowhere to the colorful transparent liquor bottles on the shelves behind your lover. Changbin let out a little snark as he put the glass down, throwing the cloth over his shoulder and leaning on the wooden bar counter.

“No y/n, sometimes many people are busy and that’s when you don’t teleport here,,, you know that already”

You let out a small “oh” in realization before walking over to the bar and throwing yourself into a chair lazily, tapping the table with your pointer finger twice, a quiet signal for help. The kind that alcohol provided. Changbin didn’t say anything, simply scooping some ice into a low glass with pretty carved out details at the bottom, the black haired boy filling up the glass with whiskey, the brown liquid seeping between the cubes of frozen water. It was oddly silent in the club, not from the fact that there wasn’t anyone else there but there was this awkward feeling between the two of you, as cold as the ice cubes that the champagne bottles were resting inside a iron bucket full of ice underneath the bar on one of the shelves.

“So uhm,,, was everything alright yesterday?” he asked in a low voice, peering at you through hooded eyelids as he tilted the glass, pouring another liquor bottle and pouring the substance in.

Memories of the night prior flashed past your eyelids causing you to almost choke on your saliva. Changbin looked at you suspiciously, furrowing his eyebrows as he put the glass on the coaster in front of you, watching you gulp down the poison. He had something on his mind, the words were basically danging off his pink lips but he hesitated, something stopped him every time he tried to open his jaw and let the words pour out in a puddle of word-vomit on the floor. The words were lodged in his throat like a boulder, he didn’t know how to say it.

“Something wrong binnie?” you asked with a confused expression, your eyes filled with concerned. What if something had happened in a universe you couldn’t even reach, the boy wandering alone with his concerns?

You took another sip from the glass, frowning as the alcohol stung your tongue and descended down your esophagus like a ball of fire, observing the contents that you were drinking partly because you were interested in what concoction your boyfriend had made but mostly cause you didn’t want to look him in the eyes in this frigid atmosphere. He shook his head, giving you a non-verbal answer.

You didn’t believe him.

By the way his jaw clenched to the awkward posture as he stared at you, he had something to confess and you weren’t sure if you were ready for it, thinking that maybe it would be easier to not ask about it anymore and live in oblivion.

“Come on~ I know you well enough to know that something isn’t quite right” you said, resting your chin in the palm of your hand, eyeing your boyfriends godly figure, practically drooling over him on the spot.

“Hmm,,, y-yeah ok,, I do have something to say but,,, I’m not sure how to” he started, your heart starting to beat faster with each syllable he pronounced, thinking that this was the end of your world because he was indeed your entire world. The reason you still smiled.

“Just say it baby, I won’t be angry” you said but not sure if you could keep your promise.

“I got a place at rehab”

You started laughing sarcastically, the boy standing perplexed behind the counter.

“Wh-what’s so funny?” he asked shortly after.

“You obviously said no, right?”

Silence erupted throughout the establishment, your smile was wiped off your face as you waited for an answer but you felt the tears start bubbling up in your glossy eyes as the silence went on, brimming and coaxing to fall down onto your warm cheek, his expression was blank, a canvas without a paint. In a rage of fit you threw your glass at the nearest wall, the glass shattering in a million pieces just like your heart, impossible to glue together.

The ice cubes melted on the floor, liquid splattered on the dark glossy floor. There was no saving the broken pieces, it was simply to throw it in the trash. You couldn’t blame Changbin for being startled, backing to the wall that displayed the bottles of alcohol, small lights above them causing the flasks to reflect tiny fractals.

“What the fuck do you mean Changbin, huh?!” you yelled at him, salty tears streaming down your cheeks, hanging off your quivering lips. He could only exhale loudly from his nose, his dusky complexion losing its color the more stressed he got.

“No, what do you mean? Are you actually serious about letting me rot in my life and not take help when I’ve finally gotten it?” he said, his tone growing louder with each word, him practically growling like a feral wolf. You couldn’t believe the word coming out of his lying mouth. Rot in his life? Why? He had you now. You were all he needed, right?

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier then?” Your voice was expressionless, a string tinted red with betrayal laced in your tone.

“I was scared.”You scoffed, feeling the frustration in the pit of your stomach like a heavy weight, tears glittering in the bright lights that were on currently, shining down on you as if another dimension had opened.

One without Changbin.

With dark eyes you looked at him, a dumbfounded smile causing the corners of your lips to turn upwards, tasting the salt of your sadness as a droplet rolled down and into your mouth. “

I never want to see you again Changbin”

“Don’t say that y/n, p-please don’t say that.”

His voice was drowsy like he hadn’t slept in days, your theory being more believable as you saw the dark bags under his blank eyes. He had been worrying, worried for your reaction. He took off the apron and put the kitchen towel on the nearest surface before hurrying to exit out through the gate and took strides towards your standing figure but you distanced yourself every time he got closer. You felt yourself getting smaller and smaller as his shadow towered over you, his face not showing compassion but rather irritation.

“GET AWAY!!” you screamed in a ear-deafening screech, him barely flinching as he had seen worse things in his life than his heartbroken girlfriend getting pressed up against a wall with dark streaks of makeup and tears staining her face, plagued by treachery that was brought upon by the only one she trusted in her life.

Maybe this was deeper than just your boyfriend leaving you. Maybe this was a silent cry to stay and not leave like your father once did. Sure, he was around in your childhood but that’s the thing; he was around, never actively invested in what happened in the life of his child. You didn’t like to look into it. Hell, you barely wanted to talk about it but you couldn’t help but to wonder if that was the reason as to why you had a difficult time with goodbyes. It replayed memories, memories you’d rather forget. Or wish you never had in the first place.

“The fuck-” said a recognazible voice that belonged to Minho, the male staggering out of the toilets in a hungover haze, scratching his hair as he yawned.

“Huh,,, how long have you been there?” Changbin said, him turning his head to look at Minho whilst standing mere inches from you, sandwiching you between his body and the dark walls.

“I have no idea,,, just woke up and heard a scream” he replied lazily, still not really registering the situation that was unfolding in front of his very own eyes. You glared at Changbin before pushing him by the shoulders, thinking you would make a big impact but him only losing his balance for a few seconds, with fierce steps you bolted to Minho, the boy sliding his hand down into his pocket the closer you got causing you to stop dead in the tracks.

You’d rather be heartbroken than deceased.

“Did you know about this? Did you know that this motherfucker was going to fucking rehab?!” you yelled hysterically towards the boy that picked up a packet of cigarettes instead of a switchblade. He smirked as he put a cigarette in the corner of his mouth, not breaking eye contact with you for a second throughout the entire process, almost hypnotizing you with his looks.

“Yeah,,, we all knew” that devilish smirk only signaling that he liked the pain he saw in other people, the white lighter in his hands flicking and emitting an orange and purple flame that slowly burned the tip of the deadly stick.

You wanted to scream on the top of your lungs, break every single one of the bottles on the shelves in a fit of rage before breaking Changbin’s heart, shatter it in pieces and step on it like glass even if it would make shards stick to your wounded and bloody feet. But that’s life. You can never hurt someone without getting hurt back.

“And so you all decided to be on his side? To defend a liar was the best your stupid fucking head could come up with?” you couldn’t even filter your words, whatever came to your mind rolled off your tongue as smoothly as the words “i love you” once had.

“Hey y/n! Don’t say that! He had nothing to do with it” Changbin roared, stepping closer with his heavy black boots that could probably smash someone against the concrete by the telephone booth where thousands of stray souls wandered every hour of the short 24 hours we humans have in a day. He put his hand on your arm but you shoved him away, freeing your hand from his grasp and yelling inaudible words at the boy.

“And that’s why you don’t date a psycho, am I right Changbin?” Minho laughed, lodging the cigarette between his pointer- and middle finger, blowing the smoke towards you as a careless gesture. Changbin looked done, rolling his eyes at the other boy before shaking his head, his hair bouncing in a fluffy manner as he moved.

“Not now Min” he answered simply, keeping his composure but you on the other hand were boiling with anger, feeling your heartbeat in your ears. You let out a half laughter filled with sarcasm.

“Somehow the real psycho has the audacity to say that to me, huh? Who the fuck do you guys think you are? You guys think it’s cool to live like this?” you said, your voice becoming frail at the end of your sentence, breaking as new tears weighed on your eyelashes and dropped down on the floor beneath you.

“No we don’t y/n and that’s why Changbin is getting help. Don’t you see it? You are hurting him by keeping him here.”

Minho’s words stung more than a thousand needles piercing through your raw flesh.

He was right.

The entire relationship rested on a foundation of suffering that you fed with repeatedly withdrawing from help that could make you blossom into the person you once were. Deep down you knew that this relationship was impossible, you knew it before you even fell for him but the thing is that you didn’t choose to fall in love, it happens. There’s a reason as to why it’s called ‘falling in love’, because once you’ve jumped you can’t expect to stand on the top of the cliff again. Only at the view from halfway down do you realize that maybe this wasn’t the right time and space.

You looked at Changbin that held his hands out, wanting to hug you and make everything feel alright, like it was before and you couldn’t help but to melt at how his eyes rounded, twinkling by the thousands of lights around the room and reflecting in his teary eyes. With the arm of your sleeve you wiped off the tears, makeup rubbing off on the fabric but you couldn’t give less of a thought before Changbin wrapped his hands around you, tears falling at a rapid pace as you sobbed into the neck of your boyfriend, breathing in his musky scent that infiltrated your bloodstream and made your heart stop for just a brief moment before pounding harder than before, powered by longing.

“I’m s-sorry Changbin” you said in between sobs, words coming out in broken syllables, it was difficult forming a sentence let alone an apology. Changbin shook his head as he put his hand on the back of your neck, descending down and rubbing your back soothingly.

“Don’t apologize y/n, you didn’t do anything wrong” His voice ran down your spine, the boy pulling away from the hug and holding you by the shoulders, looking deeply into your eyes as he spoke.

“I love you and I will never forget you”

You nodded, your face in distress with tears and snot, puffy eyes looking back at him.

“W-when are you leaving t-then?” you asked timidly to which Changbin responded by breaking eye contact.

“In two days.” You sighed, not sure if you should be sad. What kind of partner tells you that important of an announcement just two days prior? But you understood, he was just as scared as you.

Scared of the unknown. Alcohol had been a part of his life for a long time, it was his comfort and now suddenly he needed to adapt to a life without it, a life in sobriety. You weren’t the only scared one. The both of you heard Minho picking up the shards of glass with his bare hands, throwing it in the trash as he smoked, not even needing to remove the cigarette from between his lips in order to exhale the smoke, grey clouds billowing out of the corner of his mouth and filling the area with the scent of over 70 harmful substances.

In the distance you heard footsteps coming from the dark room that was pretty much the only private space in the building, Felix and Jisung walking out, their expressions changing from happy to confused upon seeing your face and Minho cleaning up.

“W-what,,,” Jisung started but Minho put his pointer finger to his lips before removing the cigarette from his lips and mouthing to the younger boys.

“He told her”

Both Jisung and Felix nodded slowly, their eyes big as saucers as they mouthed a small “oh” back before casting a glance at the two of you, two bodies melting in a touch that could be the last one.

“What will I do without you Changbin?” you said, looking down at the ground. He sighed before smiling at you.

“What you’ve always done y/n,,, fight for yourself because one day you will make it” he said, cupping your cheek in his hand and swiping his thumb across the tears on your cheek, the dampness remaining on the rough pads of his thumb.

“B-but don’t worry y/n! It’s in two days,,, maybe I’ll be back tomorrow” he said, you seeing that the boys nodded their heads in the corners of your eyes.

“Alright,,, I’ll trust you,,, I always do”

“You guys can go and I don’t know,,, talk in that other room,,, we’ll take care of stuff out here” Minho said, flicking the ashes off the end of the cigarette one last time before throwing it in the sink, the boy standing in the bar together with the the other two boys. You and Changbin nodded, making your way past them and entering the dark room that had now become a place where only memories live. With hesitance you sat down on the couch, Changbin doing the same. You glanced over at him, slowly tilting your head against his shoulder and exhaling loudly through your nose.

The momentary silence wasn’t awkward. It was comforting.

Silence was what this place needed, moments away from everything related to partying and drinking until your liver failed.

“Do you remember the first time we met?” he said with a laugh, you giggling with him.

“Of course I do, it wasn’t even that long ago but,,, it feels like forever.”

He nodded, glancing at your hand for a moment before grabbing it, his warm hand wrapping around your cold one, lacing his fingers with yours.

“I don’t want you to leave binnie,,, t-this is unfair.” Tears started bubbling up in your throat again, your breathing getting unstable as your gaze was fixed on the ground.

“I don’t want to leave either y/n but,,, what if we meet in the right dimension? What if that’s what happens? That when you,,, start loving yourself for who you are,,, maybe that’s when you meet the one that will continue to heal you?”

Changbin’s words made a lot of sense. Nobody knew what happened to the people that descended to the real world again. What adventures they were on or who they were loving at this point in time so maybe that did happen. It made you smile, your heart filled with hope, something you hadn’t felt since he said those doomed words earlier. You turned to him, his lips lingering dangerously close to yours to the point where you could feel his hot breath brushing up against the apples of your cheeks. He leaned in, attaching his lips on yours one last time, pushing a piece of hair behind your ear and holding you by the back of your neck, his thumb caressing the knuckles of your hand. You kissed him back, slipping your tongue into his mouth in a deep exchange of saliva intertwined with yearning. The kiss formed an even pace, you tilted your head to the side causing the kiss to get intense, his wet tongue gliding against yours, your pout swelling as he bit your bottom lip, blood rushing into it. He could almost feel yours eyelashes fluttering against the bridge of his nose. He pulled away, landing a final peck on your soft lips before nibbling the inside of his cheek in nervosity, unsure as to why he was nervous in the first place. Maybe the thought that he would never kiss you again. You put your hands around him, rubbing your dark tinted cheeks against his shirt that was luckily in a darker color as well. He smelled like home, like comfort.

A murky scent mixed with tobacco and ephemerality.

You haven't seen Changbin since that day.

“How have you been y/n?” said the woman sitting opposite you, tapping her pen against the A5 block of secrets that rested against a folder that has your name on the side, filled with results of various psychological tests. You shrugged your shoulders, looking out the window where the ivys growed over the glass.

“I’ve been alright,,, although I miss someone” you answered, your eyes meeting the curious ones of your psychologist that observed your body language, your foot shaking in the air as your legs were folded on top of each other.

“Who do you miss y/n?” she asked. You thought about telling her the truth but then had you ever done that in this office?

“Doesn’t matter,,, Just someone” you answered shortly to which the lady nodded.

“Longing is a very difficult feeling, sometimes there’s nothing you can do about it since the only thing that will cure it is seeing that person again but of course, that’s not always possible” she said, you observing the marbled pattern on the vinyl floor. You agreed, not knowing what else to do before she started talking about something else that was connected to your well-being, wondering how you are coping with still being on the hunt for a job and having your mental health to care about in the meanwhile.

The session ended as it always does. By you walking out of the office with an orange post-it note where the next appointment was scheduled in messy writing and with a warm goodbye to your psychologist that was a nice person. It was just that you didn’t really care for her advice and you yet again felt horrible for not taking the help you got when other people in the world couldn’t afford the same experience. The wind hit you in the face as you exited out to reality, out from the solace of the office and the building that held countless of skin-crawling memories. You pulled your jacket closer to your body, walking with quick strides towards the convenience store in order to buy gum and something sweet that could stop the world from leaving a bitter taste in your mouth at all times. A bell above the door tinkled as you stepped into the store, the grey welcome mat being a soft surface to step on with your sneakers. You casted a glance at the staff, seeing the gum you always bought by the cash register and the back of a young man in a black jacket with a baseball cap, looking upwards at the cigarettes and talking to the cashier in a husky voice. You walked past aisles of various snacks and other necessities, hearing the man talking in a voice that made your head spin, sending you into a deja vu feeling.This voice, this very voice was familiar.

“That one,, yeah,,, thanks! Oh,, just gonna grab something real quick” he said, his footsteps getting closer to you that were hunched over, looking for the banana milk on the lower shelves and squinting your eyes as tried to look further back to see if you missed a bottle by mistake. Your eyes lit up as you saw it, stretching out your hand but in that moment you didn’t feel the cool plastic layer of the yellow manufactured drink but instead a slightly warm hand that was bigger than yours, clad in a couple of silver rings. You quickly apologized and peered upwards, your eyes landing on a couple of dark hooded eyes that made your heart start to race. The lips were plump, a bit dusky in color from the cold weather. A sharp jaw that led to a prominent chin. A triangular nose that connected to a pair of strong bushy eyebrows. A face you had so longed to see. A hand you hadn’t held in what felt like an eternity. There the two of you were, holding the same bottle of banana milk in the flickering light of the store, the coldness emitting from the refrigerated shelves.

It was him.

It was Changbin.

He was right.

Only when one decided to heal was it destined for you to meet in a dimensions that was real. A dimension that didn’t consist of an odd phone number and a crimson telephone booth. A world away from the loud music and booze and instead entering a world that had earlier been dark but now got lighter, your tunnelvision ending and objects getting their color back. The world seemed real again. Alive like the way scent of a rose made its way down your lungs and into your blood, feeding the feeling of love from within.

You met him.

In a different place, in a different time. But you met the same person.

The person you were destined to meet.

Taglist ; @minholuvs @liz820 @skztrashbag @lix-freckle3

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thedisasterracers · 3 years

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If the couples had a song which one would it be?

Jublieena: Im going to answer this one just because everyone is racing rn so let do this!

Jublieena: Vanny and Rancy would have to be “Dark red by Steve Lacy” just because of how the lyrics talked about how you love someone but they don’t want them to give up on you. Another song that I would really see them dancing to and probably singing to has be “You Make Me Feel So.. by Cobra starship (feat. Sabi)” it’s because of how it shows how much of a party animal they can be. ( •̀ᴗ•́ )و ̑̑

Jublieena: Me and Swizz song is “Bumble bee by bambee” cuz it sounds cute just like Swizzy! And I know Swizzy would put “Puppy princess by Hot freaks” because it signifies our relationship and I do remember that he did put this song when I was sad. He’s such a sweetheart! <3

Jublieena: I don’t know about Gloyd and Candlehead because I barely see them in their dates and i do know that Gloyd would find a place to set up a date for Candles but it’s usually in a place where no one can find so... yeah. But I think their song has to be “cliche by mxmtoon” cuz i feel like the song represents how they’ve met. Another song that I feel like they would listen to might be “Meet Me At Our Spot by THE ANXIETY, WILLOW, Tyler Cole” because they would always hide and I know Gloyd would find places where they can hide from everyone so they can prank them! There so chaotic and I NOW see why they dated in the first place. (-`д´-) Hmph!

Jublieena: Adorabeezle and Snowanna song would be “Pretty girl by Clairo” because of how soft it is and their interactions would be very much sapphic for the most part so it makes sense that this song fits them. Another song that I know would most definitely be their song is “Say So by Rainych” cuz of how Kawaii it is! As well as the fact that adora would always be so shy and sweet around everyone and how snow liked the Original song, so imagine them dancing to this! It would be so cute. X3

Jublieena: Minty and Crumbelina would 100% be “Luxurious by Gwen Stefani” because of how crumbs is really much rich girl. Another song that I feel like they would be listening to would have to be “I kissed a girl by Katy Perry” It shows how they reacted when they had their first kiss. Hehe~ (─‿‿─)♡

Jublieena: NOW ON TO THE RECLOURS! And the one that I will start with is. My sister, Citrusella and her gf, Torvald! Now I already know their song is by now which is “Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne” just cuz of how they’re very chaotic which each other and how they would always be playing it whenever I’m not at home, and btw if they ever have a double date with Gloyd and candles I feel like the WHOLE ARCADE ALONE WOULD BE SET ON FIRE!!! Jeez I need to keep my voice low cuz if I don’t my friends might think I’m going insane… Now another song that I also know would 100% they would play is “Just a stranger by Kali Uchis(feat. Steve lacy)” NO QUESTIONS ASKED!! >;)

Jublieena: Now finally we have Sticky and Nougetsia. Ah yes the lovely girlfriends and their teasings, I’m going to say this right now I thought Swizz was going to be with sticky back then but that was not true. Cuz sticks never intended to be with Swizz in the first place, I remember how swizzy was so heartbroken how a girl never wanted to be with him in the first place, even though he’s a ladies man but it’s hard to get girls when your in a game where half of the girls are already taken. Anyways I’m noticing that i’m taking too long and on what I was supposed to be doing so imma shut up and say what their song is which is surprisingly “Just a waste by Pink Pantheress” and there party song is also surprisingly “Poison by Bell Biv Devoe” huh never knew their taste in music would be this different then what I expected. Huh? ʕ´• ᴥ•̥`ʔ

Jublieena: Now you notice that I don’t include everyone like Taffyta and Sakura that’s because they’re single but I secretly ship them cuz there the only ones left and they will probably get together soon… They just don’t know it yet. And if they do get together I would immediately put ”Honeypie by JAWNY” because that’s how you know a ship has sailed. And your probably asking “what’s there song that they might play in party’s?” I’m gonna freaking say “On the floor by Jennifer Lopez (feat. Pitbull)” Cuz YES!!! Anyways let’s hope taffyta doesn’t see this paragraph but either way see ya! (・ω<)

#Vanillabutter #Cherryswirl #hot pumpkins #jack-o’-lantern #idk what’s there official ship name #snowdora #MintCrumbs #stickynougat #Citruvald #I just took to names and combined them into one

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maypalserrup · 5 years

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three favorite albums!

I wasn’t actually tagged but my friend at school showed it to me and I want to do it, lol.

list your three favorite albums + why!

wiped out! -- the neighbourhood

the neighbourhood is the single band/artist I've been listening to consistently for the longest period of time (since 7th grade!) and this album rocks my mf world lol. I love the style direction this album, and I love every song on this album. I also saw the nbhd on tour for this album so it holds a very very special place in my heart! (favorite song: the beach)

wasteland, baby! -- hozier

I literally...…. this album changed my life and it hasn’t even been out for a month. first of all, hozier’s lyrics are literal poetry and I’m waiting for him to release a book full of just lyrics because I could sit and read them for hours. the sound, the message, the EVERYTHING of this album shook me to my core and honestly.... might be passing wiped out! as favorite album :ooo (favorite song: shrike)

isolation -- kali uchis

I've adored kali uchis for a hot sec because I love the groove to her music and the fact that she’s such a strong latina artist. I love how funky this album is and I love all the songs on it dearly. my little brother also loves this album so we’ll sit and play video games and listen to it together :’)) (favorite song: just a stranger)

I added my favorite song from each album because WHY NOT. tagging @rulesofthebeneath @ajaysbhandari @pixelburied & @lilmissperfectlyimperfect!

#im listening to shrike right now and im on the verge of tears #might be one of my favorite songs of all time #hozier REALLY fucking snapped #gawd #he's the second coming of Christ I just know it #tag

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joshbentley-blog1 · 5 years

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2018, A Year in Music

A year would not be complete without a list summarizing the sonic triumphs and escapades it saw birthed. Here are my thirty favorite albums from 2018. Enjoy.

30. Kurt Vile - Bottle It In

The singer-songwriter returned in 2018 with a follow up to his 2017 collaboration with Aussie rocker, Courtney Barnett. While I enjoyed Lotta Sea Lice plenty, I found its overarching themes to be a bit dry and the songwriting to be a bit lackluster from two experts such as Barnett and Vile. But Bottle It In is a return to form for the unique Vile. His drawl-y, laid back, groovy guitar cuts and folk-rooted storytelling is potent as ever. A truly beautiful entry into the artist’s discography, Bottle It In is a must-listen for any fan of folk rock and silky smooth songwriting.

Genre: Folk rock / singer-songwriter

Standouts: “Loading Zones,” “Yeah Bones,” “One Trick Ponies”

29. Neko Case - Hell-On

Neko Case’s storied career as an artist finds itself here, with 2018′s Hell-On. The album is a reflection on all that Case has experienced thus far, and its delivery is both introspective and cinematic. There are songs here that feel like a stream of consciousness, and others are a bit more straight forward. Still, it demands the attention of the listener, for there are things to pick up on with each listen. What Case, and Hell-On, deliver on the most is catchy and fun ballads that have run through my head like an infectious earworm since its release. “Last Lion of Albion,” “Bad Luck,” and “Curse of the I-5 Corridor,” are standouts in particular.

Genre: Singer-songwriter / folk pop / country pop

Standouts: “Last Lion of Albion,” “Bad Luck,” “Curse of the I-5 Corridor”

28. Car Seat Headrest - Twin Fantasy

I was, admittedly, not the biggest fan of Will Toledo and his project Car Seat Headrest when I first listened to Teens of Denial. I found his songwriting to be a bit uni-dimensional at times, and the sonic palette to a bit bland. But after re-visiting his works repeatedly, I’ve become a bigger stan of Toledo’s. It’s undeniable that his knack for melodies is unrivaled. And I’ve come to appreciate his songwriting more and more with each successive listen. His re-release of the cult Bandcamp hit, Twin Fantasy, is a true success though. The refurbished instrumentation and production is a welcome facelift to this Bandcamp classic. And the bodacious and bright new mixing brings new life into Toledo’s work. The support he has received from Matador Records has resulted in an improvement on all fronts, from the record’s origins. It’s a beautiful, and perhaps nostalgic for some, release from Will.

Genre: Indie rock / singer-songwriter

Standouts: “Bodys,” “Stop Smoking (We Love You),” “Sober to Death”

27. Vince Staples - FM!

It was released on 2 November 2018 but it feels like something straight out of the humid heat of July. Another entry into the short and succinct album list of 2018, FM! is short-lived at only 22 minutes. But the album has plenty to offer. Seamlessly flowing from track to track, Vince’s latest endeavor plays out more like a in-studio performance for a radio show (as can be heard by the short radio-esque skits played as outros and intros). The songs are braggadocious. Vince raps over silky smooth west coast hip-hop-inspired beats and punches with flows to match.

Genre: West coast hip-hop

Standouts: “Feels Like Summer,” “Outside!” “Don’t Get Chipped,” “FUN!”

26. Florence + the Machine - High As Hope

Florence Welch is a symbol of freedom for me. Her unrivaled passion for her craft, her presence on the stage evokes images of royalty, and her unimpeachable strength make her one of my favorite vocalists of all time. Her voice fills rooms, stadiums, and the ears of millions. A perfect example of this potency is 2015′s How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful; an album that was cinematic, wide in scope and sound, and an important leap for Florence’s artistic career. But this year’s High As Hope is much more intimate. One could even call it a step backwards for Florence, but I would respectfully disagree with this statement. For me, High As Hope is a logical step forward for Florence. Following a loud and explosive release in 2015, a cathartic climax I’m sure, it makes sense to hear Florence make her descent down an intimate and minimal road. And down this road we see Florence explore and make available her struggles with loneliness, depression, and a myriad of other demons. She trades the titanic orchestral sets for pianos, sparse percussion, and cuts through these thin veils with her meteoric voice. But at the end of the day (and the record), there is an air of hope. Hope drives this record, and it’s what drives Florence, and that is more than enough for me.

Genre: Chamber pop / art pop

Standouts: “Sky Full Of Song,” “Hunger,” “June,” “No Choir”

25. Mount Eerie - Now Only

Phil Elverum has endured more than one can even begin to dream of. 2017 saw Elverum face the loss of his wife, it saw him begin to face single fatherhood. From that turmoil came A Crow Looked At Me, a beautifully tragic album that gave us a close up look at Elverum’s grief and loss. That album was succinct, precise, and to the point. Now Only is much more a stream of consciousness, a rambling of sorts, and it plays out much like Elverum is writing an epilogue to A Crow in real time. The song structures are varied, and some draw on into the ten minute range. It takes effort to really let this album sink in and marinate, and once it does it pays dividends.

Genre: Singer-songwriter / indie folk

Standouts: “Tintin in Tibet,” “Distortion,” “Crow, Pt. 2″

24. U.S. Girls - In a Poem Unlimited

In a Poem Unlimited is a beautiful art pop record, filled with enveloping and gorgeous layers of instrumentation. It’s refined, it’s sharp, and its sound is unlike anything this year has seen. Art pop, folk pop, disco, soul, synth pop, and baroque pop are all genres that blend together and come through in U.S. Girl’s most refined piece yet. And if there’s anything that sticks out especially, it’s the record’s production. It is just so polished. Of course Meghan’s vocals are as cutting as ever, but it is the record’s beautiful construction that keeps me coming back to this one. Songs like “Velvet 4 Sale,” and “L-Over” are particular highlights for me. I recommend this to anyone who wants a diverse sounding record, or a record to just fall into.

Genre: Art pop / synth pop / psych pop

Standouts: “Velvet 4 Sale,” “Rosebud,” “L-Over,” “M.A.H.”

23. Jonny Greenwood - You Were Never Really Here (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)

Radiohead lead guitarist Jonny Greenwood first grabbed my attention, when it came to his work aside from Radiohead, with his score for Paul Thomas Anderson’s Phantom Thread last year. Gorgeous string arrangements and orchestral builds are swapped out for synthesizers and heavy percussive elements on this latest soundscape however. And while I loved Greenwood’s work with PTA, this latest project sees Greenwood using these tools expertly. His soundtrack is one of the best of this year, and it adds to the immersive world that Lynne Ramsay built in You Were Never Really Here. Dissonant and sharp guitars, thunderous and warping synths pierce your ears and create a sense of unease, matched when experienced while watching the film. And while some scores and/or soundtracks fail to stand on their own without their cinematic partners, Greenwood’s work here is more than enough on its own.

Genre: Film soundtrack / experimental

Standouts: “Tree Synthesizers,” “Sandy’s Necklace,” “Dark Streets (Reprise)”

22. Kali Uchis - Isolation

Colombian soul singer Kali Uchis made her full-length debut this year with Isolation. A diverse roster came together to collaborate on this project; the likes of Steve Lacy, Boosty Collins, Damon Albarn, Thundercat, and Tame Impala’s Kevin Parker appear on this record in some shape or form, and those are but a few to name. This amalgamation of artists and minds makes for a sonically diverse record, one that spans genres and emotions. And through it all Kali Uchis shines through as an up-and-coming talent. Still, there is plenty of room to grow, as the lyricism and songwriting on some tracks falls a bit flatter than others. But overall this record is so unique it stands above its contemporaries.

Genre: Neo-soul / contemporary R&B

Standouts: “Just A Stranger,” “In My Dreams,” “Feel Like A Fool”

21. Sons of Kemet - Your Queen Is a Reptile

London jazz unit, Sons of Kemet, delivered a revolutionary jazz record this year. Politically-fueled, unapologetically cultural, it is based in African music and African history yet brimming with ingenuity. Thunderous horns, bombastic drums and chaotic wind sections grow and pulse through this record. Broken up are these progressions by spoken word passages, which add depth and prose to the record. Your Queen Is a Reptile is surely a classic, and a definite listen for any jazz enthusiast.

Genre: Afro-jazz

Standouts: “My Queen Is Ada Eastman,” “My Queen Is Harriet Tubman,” “My Queen Is Angela Davis”

20. MGMT - Little Dark Age

Perhaps best known for their indie breakout hit Oracular Spectacular, with late-2000s anthems like “Kids,” “Time To Pretend,” and “Electric Feel,” MGMT was considered by some destined to fail to meet their success of 2007. Little Dark Age dispels these notions, with dark and gloomy pop cuts as well as a purposefully occult themes. MGMT never wanted to make mainstream pop music, and released Oracular Spectacular as an odd protest to such desires observed in their fans. This devotion to the subversions of mainstream pop followed them through their discography post-Oracular, but hits its peak here with Little Dark Age.

Genre: Gothic pop / synth pop / psych pop

Standouts: “Little Dark Age,” “When You Die,” “Me and Michael,” “She Works Out Too Much”

19. Adrianne Lenker - Abysskiss

Big Thief’s frontwoman, Adrianne Lenker, adds to her solo career with Abysskiss. Recorded within the approximate span of a week, the record has an air of urgency but is patient in its delivery. Lenker is reserved, yet determined in her delivery. The album is much like tramping on a trail or wandering through a city unknown. It winds, it hypnotizes. I found myself ensnared by Lenker’s finger-picking and her hauntingly beautiful voice. Fans of Big Thief will love this solo effort by Lenker, and I hope many others can find and appreciate its beauty in minimalism.

Genre: Folk / singer-songwriter

Standouts: “terminal paradise,” “womb,” “cradle”

18. Young Fathers - Cocoa Sugar

Scottish trio Young Fathers came out swinging with Cocoa Sugar. Blending a multitude of genres, Young Fathers have released their sharpest record to date. Its inclusion of neo-soul, conscious hip-hop, gospel, electronica, and R&B make for a sonic experience rivaled by few. The album builds and builds this chaotic wall of sound, finally reaching its release with tracks like “In My View,” and “Lord.” But the album is a engaging listen throughout.

Genre: Indietronica / neo-soul / art pop / experimental hip-hop / gospel

Standouts: “Fee Fi,” “In My View,” “Lord,” “Border Girl”

17. JPEGMAFIA - Veteran

DAMN PEGGY! 19 tracks. 47 minutes. This album slaps. Baltimore rapper/producer, JPEGMAFIA, has come out with one of the most experimental and abrasive rap albums of the century. Using sounds unnatural and inorganic to human ears, Peggy is creating songs unlike any of his contemporaries. It is difficult to put into words just how experimental and “out there” this album is. His songwriting is excellently woven into these instrumentals and samples, making for catchy cuts and oddly comedic one-liners. There is a real texture to these songs, and the dynamic swells of sound make for a transcendent and mind-numbing experience. Veteran isn’t just one of the most creative rap albums I’ve ever heard, it’s perhaps one of the best rap albums I’ve ever heard.

Genre: Experimental hip-hop

Standouts: “1539 N. Calvert,” “Thug Tears,” “Baby I’m Bleeding

16. Jon Hopkins - Singularity

In the same realm of immersive listens, I don’t think there is one album this year that can reach the same heights (both literally and figuratively) as Singularity. This album feels like the genesis of a brand new world, like the exploration of the unknown reaches past our galaxy. It’s an odyssey of sound, an insurmountable summit of synthesizers, strings, percussion and much, much more. The album opens with the title track, “Singularity,” which sets the stage for what the album is meant to accomplish. The winding synths and electric drum beats create an atmosphere similar to the cold and unforgiving nature of space. Seamlessly, the album bursts into the song “Emerald Rush,” which slows things down at first, allows the listener to breath and grab hold of their whereabouts. But this feeling of ease and calm is sliced by the thunderous and monolithic bass-heavy bursts at around the 1:33 mark. From there on out the song becomes a tribal experience. The drum beats creating an almost religious evocation, of a religion foreign to Earth. “Neon Pattern Drum,” continues this ethereal theme and the song is a sonic representation of its title. Once again, tribal synths and drums entrap the listener, banishing them to a realm of neon and galactic enterprise. Jon Hopkins has created something truly special with Singularity. Its atmosphere and reach are indescribable.

Genre: Ambient / tech house / IDM

Standouts: “Singularity,” “Emerald Rush,” “Neon Pattern Drum,” “Feel First Life,” “C O S M”

15. Julia Holter - Aviary

While JPEGMAFIA may have released the most experimental hip-hop album of 2018, I firmly believe that Julia Holter released the most experimental and dense album of 2018. Emphasis on “dense.” Let me repeat. This. Album. Is. Dense. Blending more genres than I can even think of, Aviary is layered and complex. Much like a tasting menu at a prestigious restaurant, Holter’s work demands patience and attention. But if you put in the time - for Pete’s sake this album is an hour and 30 minutes long - you will be rewarded. Holter crafts a universe of her own, and only she knows (or maybe doesn’t) how to traverse it, we are but left to helplessly follow in the hopes of finding our eventual way. And that’s what makes this album one of this year’s best. Julia doesn’t compromise here, and has the courage to craft an expansive and broad experience. In a year where succinct and short albums seemed to grab hold (e.g. Be the Cowboy), Aviary separates itself as a cacophonous cloud of grand and classical influences. Holter’s talents as a composer and multi-instrumentalist are present throughout the journey as well; she’s able to create a scape of her own, but one that reminds me of a futuristic world, one akin to that of the world of Blade Runner. The mixing draws up sour string arrangements and heavenly synths, her howling voice and earth-shattering basslines to great effect. She even sings in multiple languages, including: English, French and Latin. It’s mysterious. It’s frustrating. It’s painfully poetic. It’s a juggernaut of an album. But it is unapologetically beautiful in its own right.

Genre: Idk... to many (art pop / classical / avante garde)

Standouts: “I Shall Love 2,” “Colligere,” “Les Jeux to You,” “Words I Heard”

14. Big Red Machine - Big Red Machine

The works of Justin Vernon and Aaron Dessner are enough draw the attention of many indieheads. From Vernon’s ventures as Bon Iver and Volcano Choir, and Dessner being a member of the acclaimed rock outfit, The National, there are enough accolades between the two of them that any sort of joining of forces would result in a sure fire classic. And that’s exactly what Big Red Machine is, in the most un-classic way possible. Songs from the record have been floating around the Internet for some time now, with Vernon and Dessner playing some songs live at festivals like Eaux Claires. But it wasn’t until this year we formally received notice that a record would be surfacing. The self-titled debut is much more akin to the sound of 22, A Million or Sleep Well Beast. Fans of traditional National, or older Bon Iver, may be disappointed to find the album relies on synths and motherboards instead of solely guitars, drum and bass. But behind all of the bleeps and bloops are notes of the artists’ original sounds. “I Won’t Run From It,” sound like it could have appeared on Bon Iver, Bon Iver, and “Forest Green,” could have easily been on High Violet if Vernon’s vocals were traded in for Berninger’s. Big Red Machine is a leap forward for the two artists, and it marks a pivotal point in their careers, one should not miss out on this project.

Genre: Folktronica / indie rock

Standouts: “Forest Green,” “I Won’t Run From It,” “Hymnostic”

13. St. Vincent - MassEducation

A complete re-imagining of her own Masseduction, Anne Clark is always at the forefront of the music sphere. She’s an elite guitarist, a visionary songwriter, and a fashion icon on top of all that. To re-record, re-imagine, and re-produce your own album is already a bold task, but for Anne it must have just been a logical step forward for her. Where Masseduction was experimental, sour, and sharp-edged, full of futuristic progressions and dystopian engagements, MassEducation is not. It is slow, intimate, subdued and minimal. Featuring mainly piano and acoustic arrangements, Anne has created a beautifully classic sound.

Genre: Singer-songwriter / acoustic

Standouts: “Slow Disco,” “Smoking Section,” “Los Ageless,” “New York,” “Pills”

12. Ought - Room Inside the World

Montreal post-punk outfit, Ought, add to the post-punk front this year with Room Inside the World. An album that’s groovy and hypnotic, Ought have improved upon their works of past with this entry. Lead vocalist, Tim Darcy, has a unique voice that cuts through the colorful palette of guitars, keys, bass, and percussion. The record chugs along with a deliberate nonchalant vibe, up until the release during the album’s midway point in “Desire.” A strong contender for song of the year, “Desire” marks a pivotal point in the album. It takes the build up of the previous four tracks, and adds to it with its own two minute and forty second build up, crescendoing to a beautiful arrangement of Darcy’s own voice backed by an array of singers. Room Inside the World is a passionate piece, one that is even better when experienced live. A solid post-punk entry deserving of every listen.

Genre: Post-punk / art rock

Standouts: “Desire,” “Disgraced In America,” “Into the Sea,” “These 3 Things”

11. Against All Logic - 2012-2017

Nicolas Jaar’s debut project on the Other People label is a beautiful house record. Seriously, this album is a broad soundscape, utilizing horns, deep and guttural synth blares, percussive snaps, soul and R&B samples, and disco and funk flavors. The songs fade in and fade out beautifully, creating a sonic cityscape and sweaty, club atmosphere. Jaar opens with the stunning “This Old House Is All I Have,” a jammy and soulful house cut. Tracks like “Cityfade,” and “Some Kind of Game,” blend funk and disco seamlessly with the digital character of boiler room house. Where Hopkins uses Singularity to imagine a space-filled void, wrapping the listener in stars, comets and cosmic gas, Jaar opts for a more down-to-earth approach. Synthesizing an urban, concrete-jungle type of space, Jaar masterfully pulls the listener into the middle of New York streets, Berlin clubs, and French dance houses.

Genre: House / boiler room house

Standouts: “This Old House I Have,” “Cityfade,” “Rave on U,” “Some Kind of Game”

10. Father John Misty - God’s Favorite Customer

Father John Misty’s Pure Comedy (2017) was one of my favorite albums last year. No album so poignantly critiqued the state of affairs the country sees itself in, what the world sees itself in. No album so vividly expressed the frustration, sadness, hopelessness, and abandon that many of us - including myself - have felt since that fateful election of November 2016. But what strikes me so powerfully now, is the knowledge that J. Tillman wrote Pure Comedy well before the 2016 election cycle. Certainly, it was not difficult for anyone to picture the road we as a country were headed down, but for Tillman to so succinctly capture those emotions before we felt them, that is something truly special.

Gone were the intimate and personal ballads found on Fear Fun or I Love You, Honeybear. Pure Comedy opted for a more meta-analysis type of song structure, critiquing society as a whole and all the populations that inhabit it. It chose to express a different type of love, a love for mankind as a whole. It had a much broader array of instrumentation as well; strings, horns, orchestral units all culminated to form a cinematic, almost theatrical sound. These elements made for an expansive and full-breadthed listen. So when it was announced that Tillman would follow up this masterpiece of a project immediately in 2018 with God’s Favorite Customer, I was intrigued to see where he would take us.

Back are the familiar song structures and instrumental arrangements found in I Love You, Honeybear and Fear Fun, back is the personal and introspective songwriting. It is (in a sense) a return to form for Tillman, or rather, Father John Misty as a character. But now, there is a sense of discomfort and dismay in Misty’s voice and delivery. It is an exploration of turmoil and it is unfamiliar to us, since Misty often comes off as confident and saturated with cynicism. This darker road we’re led down opens us to the struggles of an artist trapped behind a character. While Tillman may not consider his moniker a trap all of the time, the lifestyle his art brings has certainly caused him his fair share of hardships. And it is this honesty that is so potent to me. A beautiful, beautiful addition to an already superb discography.

Many disregard Misty because of the veil he portrays so often. A veil of cynicism, pretentiousness and superiority. But what I think many fail to realize and account for is that the veil is just that: a veil. Any character or performance can run the well dry, but I believe Misty is only reaching his peak at this moment. What keeps me invested is knowing that behind that cynicism, Josh Tillman is a deeply caring, professional and upstanding artist. His continued philanthropy is a testament to this love. And perhaps that is why God’s Favorite Customer struck such a strong chord in me. Hearing that this man has faced some of his darkest times, and yet still finds the strength and courage to help others, it is inspiring. So while you are free to judge Father John Misty the character, I think Josh Tillman deserves more than a fair shake for having helped so many of us during such dark times.

Genre: Singer-songwriter / chamber pop / piano rock

Standouts: “Hangout at the Gallows,” “Mr. Tillman,” “Please Don’t Die,” “We’re Only People (And There’s Not Much Anyone Can Do About That)”

9. Mid-Air Thief - Crumbling

This album and artist are shrouded in mystery, as far as I can tell. There is not much I can find on Mid-Air Thief and his work that isn’t written in Korean. Regardless, one thing remains clear, Crumbling is perhaps the most gorgeously textured album I’ve ever heard. It mixes elements of folk, synth pop, glitch pop, and bedroom pop to create a warm and inviting sound unique to itself. At times the album sounds like something one would hear during a Studio Ghibli film, and at others it sounds like the soundtrack to a crisp autumn afternoon. Crumbling is bubbly, sincere and vulnerable. It sounds like looking through old photo albums, it sounds like walking through the park on a warm summer day, it sounds like sharing a meal with those you love. There’s no other projects I can really compare this album to for you, and ultimately I think that’s a good thing. You just have to listen to this one for yourself to truly understand what I am talking about.

Genre: Synth folk / synth pop / glitch folk

Standouts: I mean, the whole album... but “Why?” “Gameun Deut,” “Curve and Light,” and “Crumbling Together,” for sure.

8. Amen Dunes - Freedom

Much like hallucinating on psychedelics or living through a fever dream, Freedom is a euphoric and shimmery listen. The off-kilter structure of many songs, the groovy basslines and percussion, topped off by Damon McMahon’s sensual voice sends the listener into a trance. The album builds and builds, creating an ethereal sonic atmosphere, wrapping the listener like a ghostly blanket. It draws the listener in and traps them in a haze of memory, emotion and soul.

Genre: Psychedelic folk / folk rock

Standouts: “Blue Rose,” “Time,” “Miki Dora,” “Believe,” “Dracula,” “Freedom”

7. Parquet Courts - Wide Awake!

Politically-charged, funk-woven rock anthems are certainly not a dime a dozen. Smart, catchy post-punk cuts are not easy to execute, especially when trying to interject political themes and commentary on sociopolitical issues. But Parquet Courts, a Brooklyn-based indie rock collective, have certainly accomplished the seemingly impossible with Wide Awake! Providing perspective on violence, agency in the modern age, disparities in our modern economy. The lyrical focus on this album is superb, and there is a clear attention to the writing here. But the instrumentation is equally illustrative. Slick guitar riffs, funky bass lines, snappy percussion, and a myriad of effects keep the songs flowing with character. There’s also an amazing fusion of many genres. Funk, soul, garage rock, post-punk, and jangle pop can all be heard in some form or another on this record. No song sounds like its predecessor or successor, making Wide Awake! one of this year’s best.

Genre: Post-punk / indie rock

Standouts: “Violence,” “Mardi Gras Beads,” “Almost Had To Start A Fight/In and Out of Patience,” “Freebird II,” “Wide Awake,” “Tenderness”

6. Janelle Monae - Dirty Computer

Janelle Monae is an artist unlike any other. A musician, a model, an actor, a producer, and rapper, Monae’s talents and passions have combined to create unstoppable works. From her previous LPs, to her accolades for roles in films such as Moonlight, I was very much anticipating this latest release. It seems Monae is at her most adventurous right now, venturing out into modes and endeavors few other artists would dare explore. And she does so with such poise and strength on Dirty Computer. It is much more poppy and glossy than her previous works, but it is also conceptual and forward-thinking to a high degree. Exploring sexuality, love, individualism, and pride in all forms, the album is an exquisite listen. Songs like, “Screwed” and “Make Me Feel,” are overtly sexual, but backed by tangible passion and pride. Monae’s obvious inspiration from Prince is found on these songs as well, adding to the lust and mystery. The tracks “Django Jane,” and “Pynk” are infectious and inspiring anthems, preaching love for one’s self and hearkening to the struggles of being a minority in a tumultuous America. These are not the only songs with such impacts however. The entire project is a prideful piece of art, worthy of all the accolades it has received.

Genre: Contemporary R&B / synth funk / art pop

Standouts: “Screwed,” “Django Jane,” “Make Me Feel,” “Pynk,” “I Got The Juice,” “I Like That”

5. Mitski - Be The Cowboy

At her roots, Mitski is very much a punk icon. And what is more punk than the subversion of classic musical standards? Mitski opts for a much more brief and precise project with Be The Cowboy. At 14 songs and 32 minutes, it’s an album that sucks you in and spits you out in the matter of mere minutes. Songs average on the 2:30 length, leaving just enough to make you feel full but certainly not enough to leave you satisfied. And that intentional briefness is what kept me coming back to this album. The emotional climaxes that build are abruptly cut off, and I’m left feeling empty and yearning for more. The swells of love and loss keep you afloat for just a moment, only to drag you down and leave you gasping for breath. “Geyser,” opens the album, creating a sense of empowerment and vision. But I soon realized that Mitski is battling herself in this album. She is struggling to move on from the past, but more than certain that she has the power to do so. That’s what I think “Be the cowboy,” means. At least to a degree. That idea of capturing the symbolism and presence of the old gunslingers of the west. That idea of being strong willed and free flows throughout the project. Mitski is no longer apologizing for herself. She channels that energy of the cowboy and has created an album that speaks to the strength within us all.

Genre: Indie rock / art pop

Standouts: “Geyser,” “Old Friend,” “A Pearl,” “Lonesome Love,” “Me and My Husband,” “Nobody,” “Two Slow Dancers”

4. Lucy Dacus - Historian

Virginia native, Lucy Dacus, has had quite the year. From releasing her sophomore full length record, to joining forces with her contemporaries Phoebe Bridgers and Julien Baker, 2018 has proved to be a pivotal moment in the singer-songwriters career. And I couldn’t think of an artist more deserving of such success and praise. Dacus is so humble and soft spoken, it is a revelation when she belts out on tracks like “Night Shift.” Her presence on stage and on her latest album evoke such emotion and personality, making Historian one of my favorite albums of the decade. From a distance, many could label Dacus as your run-of-the-mill indie singer-songwriter. But from the moment the album kicks off, you realize this is something else entire. “Night Shift,” is a perfect example of Dacus’ mature writing and song structuring, with the songs building with emotion and boiling over after a certain point. Dacus’ soft voice becomes increasingly more powerful as songs go on, and fill the room with energy and emotion.

Delving into self love, loss and facing the inevitability of time, Dacus finds herself facing mortality and wisdom at the same time. There is a sense of growth on this album, especially when compared to her debut album. The crunchy guitar lines, the smooth drums and bass, emboldened by Dacus’ one of a kind voice hypnotize the listener. Songs vary in length beautifully as well. Dacus can easily write catchy singles like “Addictions,” but she is more than capable of (and perhaps better suited for) writing expansive and fluctuating ballads that creep towards the six, seven minute mark. Overall, there is a real comfort to this record, and an unparalleled presence that is sure to stand the test of time.

Genre: Indie rock / singer-songwriter

Standouts: “Night Shift,” “Addictions,” “The Shell,” “Nonbeliever,” “Yours & Mine,” “Timefighter,” “Next of Kin”

3. Haley Heynderickx - I Need To Start A Garden

Much like a garden, music is delicate and requires the utmost care to thrive and intrigue. If cared for properly though, the fruits of your labor will be bountiful. Portland-born singer-songwriter Haley Heynderickx understands this dilemma and explores its effects and roots on her debut album, I Need To Start A Garden.

Prior to her full-length debut, Heynderickx had released an EP in 2016 titled, Fish Eyes. The four song venture was bright with intimacy and care. It was like a collection of cacti and succulents, rough around the edges yet beautiful beyond compare. Featuring muted guitar tones, subtle ventures into nature and love, and not much else, the EP was a highlight for me in 2016. Haley’s voice is so pure and emotive, it’s evident her own stories are folded into the weaves of her music.

This is why I was so excited for her full length record this year. When the folk sphere has been dominated by acts such as Fleet Foxes, Bon Iver, and other giants for so long,it is refreshing to hear a new voice in the crowd.

I Need To Start A Garden opens with the somber, “No Face,” a song about self-reflection and self-doubt. And while accompanying tracks like “Show You a Body,” and “Worth It” carry heavy ethos and mystery, Haley isn’t afraid to mix in humor and on-the-nose self-deprecation. “The Bug Collector,” “Untitled God Song,” and “Oom Sha La La” mix up the pace and taste of the LP, trading subtle guitar lines for bright electric rhythms. Haley’s word play and writing talents are evident across the record, but I think these three tracks really display her knack for balancing her lyrics and her esteemed wordsmith-ing.

Much like a garden, music requires the maker to understand the mercurial nature of the process. It doesn’t just happen overnight. No artist better understands these frustrations than Haley. I Need To Start A Garden represents its namesake; its beauty hides behind a veil of minimalism, and its strengths are at times mistaken for faults. Haley’s folk roots give this album space and air to breath, and her ability to tell enchanting stories brings this album to life. If I Need To Start A Garden is any indication, Heynderickx will be back with perennial success.

Genre: Folk / singer-songwriter

Standouts: “No Face,” “The Bug Collector,” “Jo,” “Worth It,” “Untitled God Song,” “Oom Sha La La”

2. Boygenius - Boygenius EP

First and foremost, I understand that this collection of songs is technically an EP, not an LP. But I could not make a year-end list documenting all of the projects that I found transformative without including the Boygenius EP. Six intimate and simple songs, written and recorded in the span of a few weeks, including three of the most inspiring and talented individuals in music right now: Julien Baker, Phoebe Bridgers and Lucy Dacus. The sheer brilliance of this EP is in its simplicity, as well as its spontaneity and the comfort it so easily provides.

The joining of these three musicians and songwriters has been labeled as indie music’s next ‘supergroup,’ and it is difficult to refute such a label when their debut project and respective tour made such a lasting impact on my life, and I’m sure the lives of many others. When it was announced that Bridgers, Dacus and Baker were collaborating on a project together, I had no idea that the fruits of their labor would arrive within the year. But I am oh so glad it did. These artists are not unfamiliar to me, nor are they to each other. Bridgers and Baker have toured together in the past, and Lucy joined forces with Baker for some shows this year as well. However, I had no idea what any sort of project from these three would sound like, let alone how it would impact me.

Julien Baker, Phoebe Bridgers and Lucy Dacus all have such unique sounds and distinct approaches to music. Baker is often associated with minimalistic arrangements; her debut solo LP featured only her voice, a guitar, a looping rig, and a piano. While her arrangements have grown and been fleshed out a bit more on her sophomore release, her style is consistent. Focusing on emotional releases through the exploration of here darkest times, Baker builds her songs to cathartic releases. Dacus is similar, but often chooses to flesh out her storytelling a bit more, and opts for a fuller instrumentation (e.g. bass, drums, and a second guitar). Her songs drift and sway, hypnotizing the listener until her progressions ultimately erupt. Bridgers is perhaps the most varied in her sound. Using a baritone guitar, an acoustic, slide guitars, drums, bass and synths. Her debut album was a joy to listen to because it flipped conventional indie rock and indie folk on its head. It didn’t revolutionize the sound per se, but her songwriting and humor shine through like few other indie folk records do.

These elements from each artist come together beautifully on the EP. The way each artist is able to harmonize with each other, work off each other and build the others up is incredible. Some songs highlight a different artist in some way. “Me & My Dog,” is a ballad featuring Phoebe on lead vocals and guitar, “Stay Down,” is forwarded by Baker and “Bite The Hand” kicks the EP off with Lucy’s velvety and somber singing. But there are also cuts that serve as vehicles for the three artists’ talents to merge and blossom. “Souvenir,” and “Ketchum, ID” in particular include exquisite harmonies between the three artists and verses are traded back and forth among the singers. This sharing of material not only allows the listener to experience each artist individually, but in a way it is the sonic embodiment of what this EP is all about. It’s about sharing, loving yourself and each other, and not being afraid to find comfort in the shared anxieties that life throws at you.

Genre: Indie rock / indie folk / singer-songwriter

Standouts: The entire EP

1. IDLES - Joy as an Act of Resistance

I’ve discussed how volatile and fickle heavily-political projects can be in this day and age. It is easy for the project to drown itself in self-righteousness or to lose itself in its own tone deafness. Political narratives in music can also become jumbled and indigestible if done poorly. But this is not the case for Bristol punk outfit, IDLES, and their sophomore record here, Joy as an Act of Resistance.

Tackling UK-centric issues such as the Tory Party’s gaining grip on the nation as well as the recent Brexit controversies, Joy is very much rooted in the chaos and turmoil facing the UK today. However, the album’s messages can find relevance in the United States as well as a myriad of other countries. “Colossus,” the album’s opener, tackles toxic masculinity and its effects on the male mentality. “Never Fight A Man With A Perm,” continues this commentary with sour guitar licks and thunderous drums. Joe Talbot’s - the lead singer of IDLES - shout-like singing cuts through the mix to create a sense of urgency and resistance.

“I’m Scum” slows the record down a bit with rhythmic drums and subdued (for IDLES) instrumentation. It delves into the political and sociopolitical challenges that Britain is currently facing with its continued rise of the right wing party. Lines like, “I don’t care about the next James Bond. He kills for country, Queen and God. We don’t need another murderous toff,” and “This snowflake’s an avalanche,” deliver heavy social punches in such a vivid tone.

Joy’s political tone only continues to grow with “Danny Nedelko,” a ballad of sorts, praising immigrants and all the brilliance and love they bring to their newfound homes (where ever that may be). The song’s namesake is Talbot’s real-life best friend, Danny Nedelko, a Ukrainian immigrant to the United Kingdom. The track speaks on how every day immigrants bring immense value to their communities with lines like, “My blood brother is Malala. A Polish butcher, he’s Mo Farah.” Including the names of famous immigrants to the UK highlights just how one-sided and clouded many citizens’ views on immigrants are.

The album chugs along at breakneck pace, until “June,” the deeply emotional ode to Talbot’s daughter whose untimely passing proved to be a pivotal emotional moment in Talbot’s life. One that sprouted the genesis of this album, and one that will surely be held close for his entire lifetime.

Joy is a straightforward post-punk album with apt commentary that is applicable to any corner of the earth. But what makes this album my album of the year is its delivery of such commentary. Behind the chugging bass lines, the sharp and sour guitar lines, the pounding drums, and Talbot’s gruff voice is a message of love for one another. This juxtaposition only grows in effect with each repeated listen. From the outside looking in, it’s a rough-around-the-edges and jagged punk record. But once you peer deeper into the substance, it’s truly a representation of its title, a reaffirmation that joy is the simplest - and perhaps the most effective - form of resistance to those who work to spread hate and unrest.

Genre: Post-punk / art punk / hardcore punk

Standouts: “Colossus,” “Never Fight A Man With A Perm,” “Danny Nedelko,” “I’m Scum,” “June,” “Rottweiler,” “Television”

#aoty list #aoty #music review #music journalism #idles #father john misty #boygenius #phoebe bridgers #julien baker #mitski

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reflektormag · 6 years

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Our top 10 albums of the year so far

Brian Rhatigan

Here at Reflektor, we listen to a lot of music, I mean a lot. So, we decided to compile a list of our favorite albums from the year thus far. Please take your time and listen to each of these albums, they are our favorites for a reason!

Note: The ranking of these albums are in no particular order.

God’s Favorite Customer - Father John Misty

God’s Favorite Customer, Josh Tillman’s fourth studio album under the name ‘Father John Misty’ is arguably the most emotional album by Tillman. FJM’s other albums have been received with great praise, and so has God’s Favorite Customer.

“God’s Favorite Customer is Father John Misty’s 4th studio album. As with all of his previous releases, it’s his lyrics that always stand out to me. This time around Tillman’s lyrics are more vulnerable and sincere than they’ve ever been although he never seems to loose his wit and humor. Aside from the lyrics the album just sounds really good, there’s some nice soft rock/70s vibes. God’s Favorite Customer is a record about heartbreak, and is a comedown from his previous 2 records.” - Carla Huysmans

Tell Me How You Really Feel - Courtney Barnett

Aussie rocker Courtney Barnett comes in swinging with her second full length studio album. ‘Tell me how you Really Feel’ is filled to the brim with emotional and meaningful lyrics like in “Nameless, Faceless”, when Barnett sings about the troubles she has had with internet trolls.

“She really manages to fully cement her style, both musically and through her lyrics, which I find very vulnerable, but also uniquely original, with always an expected twist. I also recently went to a concert of hers and she is one of those rare artists who sounds better live, on a musical level.” - Leila Ricca

Lush - Snail Mail

Maryland native Lindsey Jordan started writing her first EP ‘Habit’ when she was 15. After graduating high school, Jordan released her debut LP “Lush” on Matador records. Songs like “Pristine” and “Heatwave” stand out because of the simplicity in the chords and the meaning in the lyrics.

“Lush is easily my favorite album of the year. Each song brings something lyrically new to the table that anyone can connect with. And Lindsey Jordan is just so damn gorgeous.” - Brian Rhatigan

KOD - J Cole

KOD is North Carolina rapper J Cole’s fifth studio album. The 12 song album is a beautiful blend of soul, jazz, rap, and rock. There are three different interpretations behind KOD; Kids on Drugs, Kids Overdosed, or Kill our Demons, all fitting labels for the atmosphere of the album.

“It was the best album of the year where all the songs fit together as one piece of work, rather than individual songs put together. It also told a meaningful story, had great lyricism, and combined different genres of music.” - Bryce Murphy

Blank Panther, The Album - Various Artists

“Black Panther: The Album is a perfect contender for this list. It showcases each TDE member’s talent, and blends the themes of the film with African culture seamlessly. The transitions are flawless, the lyrics are thoughtful, and the fact that it was made while some artists were on the road is incredible. It provides a modern soundtrack to a movie that blends tradition with the future of what will hopefully be a Hollywood that is more diverse and groundbreaking than ever before.” - Sarah Beckford

Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino - Arctic Monkeys

“After five years of silence, the Arctic Monkeys make their much-awaited return with surprising and hypnotic ‘Tranquillity Base Hotel and Casino’. Perfectly managing to avoid self-parody or stylistic repetitions, this new album appears as a startling reinvention, a meandering and puzzling journey beyond known territories. Just like mankind first set foot on the moon on the ‘Tranquillity base’ site, the Arctic Monkeys disembark in an unknown universe in which they reveal a new, unexpected aspect of themselves.” - Freda Looker

Little Dark Age - MGMT

“This new album draws heavily from 80’s synth pop/brit pop, and yet still holds true to that psychedelic charm that has peppered their career. They kick things off with ‘She Works Out Too Much,’ a spoof on exercise music. The driving beat, and pounding bass line keep the listener mentally jogging in place for four minutes and 38 seconds (the instructor voice-overs really sell it). Title track, ‘Little Dark Age’ is a darker turn into goth pop, previously unexplored by the duo until now. That’s not to say it’s not catchy, as it does bare a similar song structure and groove to one of their “big three,” ‘Electric Feel.’ It has, undoubtedly, the crispest production on the album; sharp vocals, a tight snare, and a most notable synth bass that doesn’t let up. The third track and second single, ‘When You Die,’ is gloomy and aggressive. The stringy acoustic guitar is perfectly present, weaving in and out of a frustrated Vanwyngarden, who isn’t hesitant in telling the audience, “Go fuck yourself”. ‘Me and Michael’ is a straight trip to the 80s: cheesy lyrics; copious synth; dozens of “woahs;” and some guy named Michael. It’s familiar, charming, and it’s a foot down on the grounds that they can still write a hook. ‘Tslamp’ (Time Spent Looking at my Phone) is what the tape machine spit out after being fed an utter disregard for the technology that we have literally become addicted to. ‘James’ is another ode to the 80s and a “Goonies” type camaraderie. ‘One Thing Left to Try’ is in the same vein as ‘She Works Out Too Much,’ in its annoying, overdrawn out glory. An unnecessary, synth pop battle cry.” - Kendall Wright

Freedoms Goblin - Ty Segall

“This 19 song album is one hell of an adventure, composed of ballads and fuzz ridden tunes guaranteed to leave the listener asking for more. But if 19 songs are not enough for you, don’t worry. Segall averages one album each year, just like fellow Bay Area rocker John Dwyer of Thee Oh Sees, who happened to help produce Segall’s debut album. “Freedom’s Goblin” consists of hard rocking songs like “Fanny Dog”, and straight covers like “Every 1’s a Winner”. Regardless, Segall continues to push out hard rocking tunes that even the faintest rock fans can enjoy.” - Joe Terry

Isolation - Kali Uchis

“The album opens on the Bossa Nova masterpiece ‘Body Language.’ During a Reddit Q&A, when asked what the overarching theme of the album was, she replied ‘finishing your dry martini, enjoying views of the water as a beautiful woman dives in,’ and this track invokes exactly that image with the first beat drop. After that, the album flutters between genres through the hard-and-fast R&B track ‘Miami,’ the beat-driven collaboration with Steve Lacy ‘Just A Stranger,’ and the dreamy ballad ‘Flight 22.’ She flows through each medium with ease, rejuvenating it and making it her own as she goes. Pop hits like ‘Tyrant’ brush shoulders with the funk triumph ‘After the Storm’ and the Winehouse-esque closers ‘feel like a fool’ and ‘killer.’ There’s something for everyone on this album, yet at the end of it all, no matter your tastes in music, there will be only one name on your lips; ‘Kali Uchis.’” - Thomas Nell

Virtue - The Voidz (Formerly Julian Casablancas + The Voidz)

“Arriving three and a half years later, Virtue, the sophomore effort of the group (now just wearing the moniker The Voidz, as if to dismiss claims that it is a ‘side project’ in the traditional sense) is the anti-Tyranny. All that unbridled experimentation and exploration has been distilled into something that is much more recognizable and palatable. Although artistically, it’s coming from the same place fundamentally, Casablancas and his new group, have purposefully tamed the unwieldy beast of creativity, presenting the results of their exploration in a much more neatly presented package so that their audience can enjoy what they discovered as much as they did.” - Dylan Harkin

#lists #brianrhatigan

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mariapinasblog-blog · 4 years

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Money Playlist

“Money” is the theme I chose to focus on for this assignment. The reason I chose money is because it can be viewed as something positive or negative, live-changing or disastrous in the wrong amount/hands. It is also a very prevalent theme in the music industry already. The songs I have chosen to range from looking at money as an escape to wanting to have more based-on greed or as a measure for success. This theme is significant to me because it is interesting to see the effect this special paper has on people.

1. Cash Machine- Oliver Tree- Dance/Electronic

https://youtu.be/kSsEiPtEstc

“Cash Machine” by Oliver Tree is a 2019 dance/electronic song that was written about his belief that buying materialist object to show off to others won’t exactly make you happier. Throughout the song he ridicules people that believe that money can in fact bring more happiness by singing lyrics like “You’re spending like a cash machine / To cover your insecurities”. This song has tunes that with about 100 beats per minute. This song can not be described as a consonance because Oliver Tree song is a metaphor in which he is comparing people that spend money needlessly like “cash machine”.

2. Money Trees- Kendrick Lamar- Hip-Hop/Rap

https://youtu.be/hwR_1EP18eo

“Money Tree” by Kendrick Lamar is a 2012 Hip-Hop/Rap song in which Kendrick Lamar says that the song is about lust and about struggles with want for material things. He expresses how money can make you forget where you came from by utilizing lines such as “A dollar might say fuck them n****’* that you came with”. Kendrick produced this song to be at 72 beats per minute, 9B Camelot, and the key is in G Major. The song is upbeat and has a catchy sound with vocals that complement the lyrics rapped by Kendrick Lamar.

3. Just a stranger- Kali Uchis- R&B/Soul

https://youtu.be/IUcByj96dUA

“Just a stranger” by Kali Uchis is from the viewpoint of a person who wants money from their partner instead of love. The Colombian artists put this song out in 2016 in collaboration with Steve lacy, and Romil Hemnami (BROCKHAMPTON MEMBER) who produced the song. Instead of looking down on the concept of a gold-digger in her song, she paints the female character as someone who is independent but careless emphasized by the chorus which repeats “She wants my hundred-dollar bills/ She don't want love”. The producer made this song in A Major, at eleven Camelot and with 108 beats per minute.

4. On god- BBNO$- Hip-Hop/Rap

https://youtu.be/mgOkkvekfiw

“On god” by BBNO$ does not directly talk about money but it is obvious that it the artists associates his success with money. In the song he conveys that he wants to work for himself, specifically in the music industry he uses lyrics such as “Just cut my own check, made my own bread” to describe his success with the money as a measurement. The song plays at 73 beats per minute in A minor and 4B Camelot and slightly changes production towards to end where the artists sings as opposed to rapping.

5. B**** better have my money – Rihanna- Pop

https://youtu.be/ukW82Ico4U0

“B**** better have my money” by Rihanna was released in 2015 which was one of Rihanna’s 2nd single off her eighth album “Anti”. This song was thought to be very relatable, whether they are singing to it in regard to money or not. The song brings people some confidence and a bit of attitude, but the song can be interpreting in many way or situations. This song plays at 103 beats per minute in D major and 3B Camelot. Produced by one of the best musical personalities, Kanye West, successfully puts together the song in a way that it is catchy and full of rhythm.

6. Billionaire- Travie McCoy ft Bruno Mars -Pop

https://youtu.be/8aRor905cCw

“Billionaire” by Travie McCoy is most recognized from the vocals provided by the famous singer Bruno Mars. The song communicates money as something positive that can be used to positively affect the lives of other people in a philanthropic manner and like the other song, as a measure of success. In this song, the aspirations of being rich is for the intentions of doing good with the money such as helping people that need it. This is clear with lyrics such as “I’d probably visit where Katrina hit/ And damn sure do a lot more than FEMA did” and “I’ll probably take whatever’s left and just split it up / so everybody that I love can have a couple bucks”. The song was produced at 87 beats per minute in F sharp Minor and 11A Camelot.

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hctefucks · 5 years

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task five - subplot playlists, modified.

nothing easy to please, partynextdoor “my love don't come easy, babe. i'm nothing easy to please, and i don't fall easily.”

true to the title, she has high standards, and is hard to crack. she doesn’t mix many romantic emotions into her relationships now, sending anyone with a hint of feeling away due to her bad experiences and lack of time for anyone. though she’s generous with her money, it’s hard for her to show she cares in other ways, and her affection and time doesn’t come easy.

myself, bazzi “i’m focused on the future, don't care 'bout nothin' else.”

there’s nothing more important to soraya than her career. she would double cross and lie to get where she wants to be, not to say she hasn’t already. soraya’s crazy driven and hard working, and has been known to put her career before her friends and family. word hard, play later is her motto.

fake smile, ariana grande “if i'm hard, i ain't gon' lie about it. arms crossed with the attitude, lips bitin'.”

soraya isn’t the best with hiding her emotions. if she’s mad or upset, she’ll let you know and will raise absolute hell. her heart is on her sleeve, and when she’s mad, she can get ugly and nasty. it’s one of her worse traits, but you can always count on her to give you her honest and blunt opinion.

supabien, bia “i’m doin' supabien, i'm sorry how are you? alright now back to me, i’m on that that gin and juice ”

soraya’s favourite topic? herself. she’s currently riding a career high, and she’s not one to downplay her accomplishments. with her confidence and borderline narcissism, it’s no surprise that she’s her own favourite subject.

party for one, carly rae jepsen “i’ll just dance for myself, back on my beat”

who doesn’t love a good pre 00′s inspired bop? soraya definitely does, and the lyrics ring true to soraya. one of her ways to get over a breakup is to get drunk and dance to 80′s music, and this is a definite anthem for her. she’s had her own share of heartbreak to get over. and this is the song she’d use to get over an ex boo. paired with some rose and her two best friends, cat and dalia, she’d be back to herself in no time.

liability, lorde “she's so hard to please, but she's a forest fire.”

her own song - almost surprising. while party for one is for when she’s getting over someone, liability is the song that plays through her mind when the breakup is fresh. she’s sensitive and moody, and the insecurities highlighted in the song are things that would come to her in her darkest times. she also knows that she’s a lot to handle, and as self aware as she is, it still hurts when she’s going through the emotions of a heartbreak.

all night, chance the rapper feat. knox fortune “so back up, back up, i need space. now, i need you to slow down, it's not a race.”

this song is about newfound fame and the hanger ons that come along with the territory. soraya has had her fair share of leeches - people who will use her for money and studio time, for connections and their five seconds of fame. while she loves attention, it’s genuine friendship she craves. the attention can be suffocating at times, and sometimes, all she needs is space from the people who drain her.

needy, ariana grande “and i’ma scream and shout for what i love. passionate but i don't give no fucks. i admit that i'm a lil' messed up, but i can hide it when i'm all dressed up. i'm obsessive and i love too hard, good at overthinking with my heart.”

true to the title, soraya is needy. while she fronts as being unemotional and detached, she’s quite the opposite. it’s not uncommon for her to get attached to people she’s only hung with for a little while. and when she finds someone she likes - even loves - it gets hard for her. her emotions are hard to predict and manage, and it’s not uncommon for her to lose sleep overthinking what a lover has told her.

fuckin problem, a$ap rocky “you ain't heard my album? who you sleepin' on? you should print the lyrics out and have a fucking read-along.”

indie singers don’t have much of the spotlight, but soraya wants her name out there. career oriented and success crazy, she’s obsessed with the validation that comes with fame. and she loves bad bitches, and it’s a fuckin problem.

kiwi, harry styles “she worked her way through a cheap pack of cigarettes, hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect.”

soraya, obsessed with her public image, really just boils down to being a whiskey drinking fake deep singer with a chain smoking problem. early on in her career, you could find her at smoke filled underground pubs with a cigarette in one hand, telling a story to a group of friends (or strangers). whether it was her beauty or her alcohol clouded judgement that drew people to her, attracting groups of new friends was a pastime for her.

i’m my number one, herizen guardiola as mylene cruz “i got a song it can go on, i'm here to tell it to you. i'm my number one.”

this song, mirroring the scene from the get down, is almost a rebirth. the spontaneous heat of the moment song is soraya exactly. as much as she’s her own favourite person, she cares deeply about her own growth. she knows what music she likes to write and make, and knows who’s good for her and who’s not. she’s constantly bettering herself, and though it doesn’t quite make her a saint, she’s trying to be as kind as possible to herself.

still got time, zayn and partynextdoor “just stop lookin' for love. girl. you're young, you still got time”

while everyone dreams of finding their one and only at some point in their lives, soraya is a bit different. while her dreams of finding her big romance flourished long ago, she’s now slowly accepting that her early 20s isn’t the time for it. she’s not ready to settle down with anyone, and instead of seeking out love in places it isn’t, she’s fine with being young and having fun. her time to settle will come.

high by the beach by lana del rey “lights, camera, acción. i'll do it on my own. don't need your money to get me what i want”

soraya, though career driven, is independent. she’s never taken well to the idea of having a benefactor or someone to basically shape her career for her. she prides herself on being mostly self made, and doesn’t want to rely on anyone for a cheap pr shot. her words and her public persona are authentic, and she’s more than happy doing it all on her own.

dkla by troye sivan feat. tkay maizda “rags to riches but i'm addicted to being broken”

while she didn’t grow up poor, and she has never been through anything super traumatic, she’s almost addicted to her own sadness. known for pursuing people she knows is bad for her just for a song. it’s unhealthy, but she believes that songs should be authentic, so it isn’t unnatural for her to put herself through that. furthermore, she isn’t too big on love anymore, and due to past heartbreak, she doesn’t ‘keep love around,’ pushing away the people that are good for her.

freestyle four, kanye west “what if we fucked at this vogue party? would we be the life of the whole party? shut down the whole party”

the song highlights a libido driven, intoxicated kanye, and soraya is no different under the influence. drug trips are scarce, just to keep herself in control. but the rare trip causes her to spiral, acting out in ways she usually never does. it also shows her “alternate” personality, more focused on the finer things of fame - the cars, the jewelry, meeting gorgeous people, and doing anything without worrying about the repercussions.

juice, lizzo “no, i'm not a snack at all. look, baby, i’m the whole damn meal ”

soraya’s hot and she knows it. even in her moments of insecurity, she’s out here letting everyone know that she looks good. she thinks extremely highly of herself, to the point of narcissism. the 80s were one of soraya’s favourite decades of music, and the 80s tinged track is a feel good song to help her feel herself

ridin’ round, kali uchis “baby understand, i don't need a man. fuck me over, i'll fuck you worse then take off to japan.”

we love an independent bitch, and soraya is no exception. not one to depend on a man (or a woman) for a career boost or a coin, she’s rebuffed multiple romantic propositions on the accord that she doesn’t need anyone. she’s not one to take back people who have fucked her over, and has an appetite for revenge when it happens.

wednesday night interlude, drake and partynextdoor “mixing remy, little bit of henny. i'm running on empty, i'm lonely.”

when soraya hits her lows, it’s usually because she feels lonely. with her two best friends, catalina and dalia, both in relationships, she cannot bring herself to do the same. it does make her feel a little left out. with the help of some alcohol, her loneliness is heightened. as much as she repels relationships as much as she can, sometimes she wants someone to go home to.

#━━ ♡ biting into the sun until your body is flooded. [ soraya’s tasks ]

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cantbrooklyn · 5 years

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Album of the Year #25: Kali Uchis - Isolation

Artist: Kali Uchis

Album: Isolation

Label: Universal Music

Release Date: April 6th, 2018

Listen

Apple Music

Spotify

Background

Kali Uchis is a 24-year-old Colombian-American singer. Her parents fled to America a couple of years before she was born in order to avoid conflict in Colombia. Born In Virginia, she bounded around between America and Colombia during her childhood. During her adolescence, she learned how to play several instruments and was always writing poetry and songs. At first, she was more interested in directing and writing and had no interest in singing herself. This changed when she decided to release her first mixtape in 2012, Drunken Babble. The project was met with positive reception as people lauded her ability to switch between genres and create her own lane and sound.

As she continued to release more music, her popularity grew and she began collaborating with more well-known artists and producers, particularly Diplo, Tyler the Creator, BadBadNotGood, Kaytranada, Snoop Dogg and The Gorillaz. The first three singles to Isolation, Tyrant, Nuestro Planeta and After the Storm, helped cement her fanbase even further. She performed several festivals in 2017 and at the beginning of 2018 was brought on as the opening act to Lana Del Ray's "LA to the Moon" tour at the beginning of 2018. Several features, including those with Daniel Caesar and Miguel, helped bring her name more into the mainstream as well. At the time of the release, Kali's fanbase was ready for the new album as her last full-length project was released in 2015.

Review

In a world where there are only two options for fans of rap and RnB music, drip or drown, it is refreshing to listen to a project as meaningful and palatable as Isolation. As our genre of music becomes more mainstream, the lyrics and impact of songs become diluted. This has been the case for quite some time and is by no means a new phenomenon, but for me, in 2018, I was actively searching for fresh perspectives and new voices to listen to in hopes of breaking the uniformity and staleness of modern rap. Enter Kali Uchis, a 24-year-old female singer from Colombia. Prior to listening to this album, my knowledge of her music was limited, but I had seen that the project received praise here on HHH, so the day after the release I decided to listen. I will dissect the album more thoroughly later in the piece, but just from a holistic perspective, this project was amazing. The airy, up-beat instrumentals coupled with Kali’s incredible vocals make for such a great combination. For me, a project is good if I can feel transported to the world that the artist is in and describing. With Isolation, I felt exactly that – sitting on the beach drinking something out of a coconut with the WhoDatMiami American flag bathing suit on.

The album begins with “Body Language”, an invitation to the listener to explore the life of Kali Uchis. Featuring production and writing from Om’mas Keith, frequent Frank Ocean collaborator, the spacious and flute-heavy beat set the table for a deeper dive into the album and the whimsical and capricious lifestyle of our narrator. “Just come closer” she urges the listener, and how can you not with how perfect her vocals sound? The track transitions into “Miami”, which is an ode to the empowerment of women and how today, immigrants like Kali and featured artist Bia do not have to conform to previously-established gender roles and they can pursue success in any medium they choose to. The line, “He said he'd want me in his video like Bound 1. But why would I be Kim? I could be Kanye. In the land of opportunity and palm trees” encapsulates her desire to break free from traditional paths to fame for women. Quoted about this line, Kali said, “I’m not the Kim on your motorcycle, btch. I’m the one riding the sht.” Kali is in control of her own fate and will not be marginalized by the system that has set her up to fail.

With “Just a Stranger”, Kali flips another trope within rap music completely on its head. Ever since Kanye dropped Late Registration, rap fans have held disdain for gold diggers who simply use artists like Kanye for their wealth and notoriety without actually caring for them. But have those same listeners ever asked themselves why gold diggers exist? Kali seeks to provide an answer – the Colombian-American singer bashes the stereotype completely and lauds woman going after what they need. “When bellies are hungry, but there ain't no money you get it and don't care how.” As an immigrant woman, Kali faces obstacles on a daily basis that male rappers do not. She feels no remorse taking advantage of someone for money because the odds are against her and she has to get it how she can.

Kali continues to address the hardships that immigrants face in “Your Teeth in my Neck”. Within the track, over a bouncy instrumental which I think is my favorite on the album, she discusses how no matter how hard she works, her material keeps getting ripped off and people are appropriating her art. This is a common theme within music, particularly with Americans hopping on trends started and popularized by immigrants. After all, who would have ever thought that Beyoncé would be on “Mi Gente” and Drake would be saying “tings”? This also seems to be a dig at the music industry as a whole, saying that artists are taken advantage of by large record labels, only to be worked and churned out when their popularity diminishes. It is an unfortunate reality, but Kali knows that with persistence and hard work, she will be able to overcome these obstacles.

Within the larger context of the album, Kali also addresses her love life and the relationships the she has been in. In “Flight 22” she floats over the beat, singing about her unrequited love and that no matter where she is going on this trip, she wants to be with this lover. This track truly highlights how incredible her voice is. As someone who was in a new relationship when this album dropped (and still is!), this song resonated with me a lot. I knew that wherever I was going, I wanted my girlfriend with me. On the contrary, Kali addresses some of the hardships she has dealt with in relationships. In “Tyrant” featuring Jorja Smith (you should also check her album out as well!), they discuss the idea of staying closed off in a relationship in order to avoid being overly-exposed and in-turn, manipulated. Kali has addressed previous relationships in which she was taken advantage of, so it is no surprise that she is approaching this new love with some restraint. Even though she is madly in love, she is afraid to show it because she does not want to get hurt again. Whoever you are, I think we can all relate to that feeling in some capacity.

On “Dead to Me”, Kali dismisses a past fling, asking the previous lover to simply leave her alone. Even though this person is still obsessed with her, she just wants things to end. I think this track is very relevant, especially with what is going on with Cardi B and Offset right now. Whether their breakup is legitimate or not, the way that the rap community has reacted to it is disgusting in my opinion. Constantly urging Cardi to take back Offset and forgive him for whatever he did wrong is exactly the ways of thinking that propagates the type of behavior discussed in the song. Many men believe they are entitled to whichever women they want and in turn, cannot handle rejection in an appropriate way. Kali is sticking up for herself, and declaring that in her eyes, this person is dead. On a musical note, this beat features one of my favorite instrumentals of the album with airy synths and drums backing her.

Nuestro Planet is a song completely in Spanish featuring Reykon, a Colombian reggaeton rapper. From a production standpoint, this song differs from the album a bit with a more latin-influenced beat. In this it is a great change of pace on the album and even though the listener may not understand what she is saying, it is still sonically pleasing and easy to follow along with. Admittedly, the message of this song of Kali yearning to have things return to how they were with her lover falls a bit flat relative to the depth and importance of some of the other tracks on the album.

Next, enters my favorite sequence of songs on the album – “In My Dreams” into “Gotta Get Up”. “In My Dreams” is an absolute banger in every sense of the word. The use of guitar and light percussion make for such a minimalist yet profound beat. This is a song that when it comes on, you just can’t help but nod your head along to it. This is the most positive song on the track, discussing this utopian dream world for Kali in which all her problems are erased and everything is perfect, but only in her dreams. Her bills are paid, her mom isn’t on coke, boys treat her properly – its great! “Why isn’t everyone here?” she wonders aloud. Well, her question is quickly answered when her alarm goes off and she is awoken and slammed with the hardships of her everyday life yet again. This song is another great display of her vocals, showcasing her range as she belts out that she has to get out of bed and look for something in real life that can match what she yearned for in her dreams.

The next track, “Tomorrow”, talks about Kali’s desire to break-free from her everyday life and follow her dreams. Even though things seem dim in this small town, she urges her lover to follow with her on a path to freedom. All she wants to do is day-dream and pursue her dreams, pushing reality to be addressed tomorrow. The song is produced by Kevin Parker of Tame Impala. The beat compliments the message of the sing so well as the spacey synths give a bounce to the track. Kali rides the instrumental beautifully.

“Coming Home” talks about how no matter what Kali does, there will always be people who disapprove of her, but she is fine with that. Featuring one of the best beat switches of 2018 (no cap), she talks about she intends to stay true to her roots and remain confident despite all the negativity she is surrounded with. When you are a female artist in a community largely dominated by males, appearance is something that is unfortunately brought-up a lot. Regardless of what people say though, she simply intends to “keep It moving.”

“After the Storm” is truly a masterpiece. Odds are, if you have listened to one song on this project, it was presumably this one because of the Tyler feature. The message of this song is so overwhelmingly positive and encouraging. For 12 songs, Kali has talked about countless issues and obstacles she has faced as a result of her gender and ethnicity and despite all of that, she urges the listener to remain positive and that even though things may be hard now, they will get better. As someone who tends to overreact and snowball from small issues in my life, this song truly helps to put things in perspective for me. The calming and transient ambiance of the song helps reassure the listener that even when it rains, the sun will shine once again.

The final two songs return to relationship issues, the first in which she discusses how no one likes to be taken advantage of in a relationship. Even though she was cheated on, Kali cannot cope and is acting as if everything is the same in her life. This song shows that even though Kali is working towards independence, there are still moments of weakness that we all face. These moments are underscored on “Killer”, the concluding song of the album. This song was recorded when Kali was 17, which is truly a testament to how talented she really is. I think this track shows just how much progress she has made as a woman over the years. Instead of being upset and yearning for her past lover as she did when she was younger, she now has grown and is able to see how she can learn and move forward from this time. Kali wrote this song while she was living out of her car and shows just how low things were for her at the time. It is a reminder to the listener that even though things are looking better now, experiences like these are what guided her to where she is today.

To me, this project just feels so important in the context of the current political landscape. In a world where a GoFundMe to build a wall has $16mm donated to it, we need to throw our support behind strong, immigrant women who show that no matter what race or country you are from, you can be a positive contribution to the community. I strongly urge you to listen to this project, especially if you live in warm weather as this album just screams summer to me. Furthermore, if you are already a fan, see Kali in concert. She was absolutely incredible and was one of my favorite shows of the year. Her bravado on stage compliments her music so well and her vocals sound even better in person.

Thank you for reading and for those celebrating, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all!

Favorite Lyrics

The sun'll come out

Nothing good ever comes easy

I know times are rough

But winners don't quit

So don't you give up

After The Storm (Featuring Tyler The Creator and Bootsy Collins)

I'm feeling happy inside

I've got no reason to hide

I'm a dream girl

I'm never stressing my bills

Nobody ever gets killed

It's the dream world

In My Dreams

Today is the day I'll learn that I believe in miracles

I can feel the world opening up, I think I broke the curse

Tomorrow

Discussion Questions

What were your thoughts on the album?

How important to you is finding music from new perspectives?

Is it important to listen to music that spreads a positive message and helps to eradicate stereotypes and limitations placed on marginalized groups (in this case immigrants and women)? Is this something you consider when consuming music?

Do you think Kali will transition into the "pop lane"?

From a musical perspective, any other albums that you would recommend that have a similar sound?

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