#m might hate it when I wake up but we shall see

[sovhina]

I was tagged in wip Wednesday a couple days ago by the wonderful @laaskrin thank you sm!!🥺🥺 they inspired me to redo my oc Lia with her new design in the hades style :3 I just got off work a couple hours ago so this is all I got lol

Im gonna tag @sunshinemage @777greywolf annnd @retconomics no pressure ofc! As always <3333

[fraddit]

I wanted to do a fic rec list for buddie, but also I hate deciding things and I’m bad at writing pretty things about the fics I like. So I went through my roughly 200 ao3 buddie bookmarks, pulled out the ones that, as stated above, made my brain go !!!, and put them in alphabetical order.

There’s 50 fics in total, so I broke it down to 5 more manageable posts of 10 fics each. This is post number 4. I hope you enjoy.

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Five

lead me to the light by @extasiswings (NR, word count varies)

A series of prompt fills originally posted elsewhere. Buddie-centric. See individual chapters for summaries and ratings.

What it says on the tin. But, the one that I’m specifically obsessed with is Chapter 13: Broken Hearts. It’s 423 words and each word owns my entire angst loving heart. (If anyone knows of any other fics with similar vibe to this, please let me know.)

Leading with the Left by @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (E, 85k)

When Buck said he was a “bartender” in “South America” what he actually meant was “stripper” in “Mexico.” And when Eddie said, “What’s your problem?” what he actually meant was, “Is this about the time you gave me a lap dance?” In other words, there’s a few things the 118 doesn’t know about Buck. Or Eddie. Or Buck and Eddie’s relationship.

Leave the Light On (I’ll Be Coming Home) by @hmslusitania (M, 44k)

“We’re here for our grandson,” Helena says. “Chris is still sleeping,” Buck says. “I meant, we’re here to take him back to Texas,” Helena clarifies. “Yeah,” Buck says. He’s too tired, way too tired to be tactful. “Over my dead body.” – An accident on a call leaves Buck with custody of Chris after Eddie is… missing presumed. While they navigate their new family circumstances – and fight to stay together, despite Eddie’s parents’ best efforts – a John Doe wakes up in a coma ward with no memory of his own life beyond the knowledge he has a son named Christopher and, somehow, he needs to get home.

Like a Sack of Bricks by @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (T, 3k)

One word from Christopher, and Eddie’s realizing he’s made a serious miscalculation about his best friend.

no kingdom to come by @waywardrenegades (T, 23k)

Family, FaceTime, guilt trips, phone calls, church, heart healthy meals, and learning how to let yourself be happy. Whatever that looks like. or; when his father experiences a health scare, Eddie flies to El Paso.

of men and of angels by @extasiswings (T, 13.5k)

For now we see in a mirror, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know fully even as also I was fully known. - 1 Corinthians 13:12 Eddie Diaz learns a lot as a kid. Boys aren’t soft. Boys don’t cry. Boys don’t kiss boys. As he gets older, he realizes that everything has exceptions. Boys can be soft sometimes. Boys can cry sometimes. And some boys kiss other boys. But Eddie likes kissing girls. And since he likes kissing girls, that’s the end of the story. Isn’t it? [Or: the one with all the repression]

once there was a way by @rewritetheending (M, 5k)

“And then his phone rings. He scoops it up from where it rests on the table behind them, his lungs constricting as soon as he sees Sophia’s name on the display. There’s no chance it will be good news, not at this hour – drunken shenanigans come in the form of a text, while tragedy must be given a voice. Eddie turns to face Buck as he answers, but backs up as though the distance might help anything at all. Buck reads his reaction easily, even more attuned to each of Eddie’s expressions in the wake of his panic attacks, but stays next to the sink while Eddie listens to his sister. It’s only the moment Eddie drops the phone, his eyes burning with tears too stubborn to fall, that Buck gives up and steps forward, cautious as he waits for Eddie to tell him to stop. Eddie can’t—he won’t—he needs.” (An expansion of a tumblr ficlet prompt, because fleurdebeton enabled me.)

shout if you want my heart by @hattalove (T, 6k)

“I’m not even in the neighborhood of mad,” he says, instead of vomiting any of the thousand feelings warring inside him. “But Buck. This would’ve—this took you hours.” “I’m good at multitasking,” Buck says, and Eddie can practically hear him shrugging over the phone. “I did all the cooking after I put Chris to bed, and then I got up a little earlier to get the cleaning and laundry done. It was nothing.” Eddie’s starting to suspect he’ll have to wait for Buck to come back to make him understand that, actually, it kind of was everything. or, eddie has a tupperware-induced emotional crisis.

Still Waters by @milenadaniels (E, 7k)

As Eddie lays on the hot pavement bleeding out, his eyes locked on Buck’s bloody face, his hand reaching out towards him, what washes over him isn’t his hard-earned stillness nor is it shock. It’s clarity, edging slowly into focus from off-stage. And when he wakes up in the hospital bed and registers a soft, slim hand in his, he thinks, “no, that’s not it”. —- Or, Five Ways Eddie’s Body Feels Different After the Shooting

tell the whole wide world and this room by @hattalove (T, 5k)

“I talk a lot. It’s probably not fun to sit through for something you’ll just instantly forget.” Eddie tilts his head. “Who’s forgetting?” in which we learn about fermented milk products, discover that dolphins are sex fiends, and realize that sometimes, it really is all about knowing and being known.

[juminsmysticmc]

Hii☺️So, we have RFA+Minor trio being single fathers after Mc's death, what about reversing it?So that Mc is a single mother after they died(

I waited really long to finally make a request and I am very excited right now, especially since it's you.I really love your writings and I read all of them for like a dozen of times and I can't get enough of them😍Thank you so much for your work and stay healthy 🙏🏻

Mc being a single mom after the RFA + Minor Trio died    ( Trigger Warnings! ) 

Trigger Warnings, mention of death, parental death

RFA + Minor Trio as single fathers after Mc’s death (Parental death/ Trigger Warnings)

Did I mention that I like drama? Enjoy! 

Jumin

You pressed your lips together as tears went down your cheek. The baby you just gave birth to was sleeping in Jaehee‘s arms as you sobbed into Zen‘s embrace.

,,It‘s as if he planned everything,“ you sobbed, making your red haired friend shake with his head.

,,When he found out you were pregnant, he made me do all this. He didn’t plan to die a month after the birth of your baby, really, he just feared that if something happened to him, his father would have acted the way he did,“ Seven explained.

The reason why you were currently staying over at Jaehee‘s place was that Jumin died a week ago. One day you let him go out of the front door, still smiling as he kissed your newborn, and not even half an hour later, you found yourself in the hospital.

Someone shot him.

And as if it wasn’t enough, your father in law tried to take away your baby, saying that he had to give his grandchild a better life.

But Jumin, even in heaven, saved you once again, saving a lot of money and having an external saving method thanks to Seven.

He even left behind a letter to his father filled with lies, explaining that the baby wasn’t his child.

Of course everything was a lie, but this lie made it possible for you to see your baby grow up.

,,I can’t even go to my husband’s-” your words died in tears.

,,He will always look over you, Mc, and we’ll help you. It will all be better soon…“ Zen patted your back. He too was mourning for his friend.

Zen

,,Mommy, do I really look like daddy?“ your youngest girl asked you as she brushed her long white hair.

You gulped as you looked over to your oldest daughter.

Her eyes were again filled with tears.

Zen died two years ago, leaving you behind with three wonderful children.

You had to give up your job as manager and instead began to work part time in a restaurant at night and other little jobs while the girls were at school.

,,Daddy… I don‘t even remember him,“ your middle child hissed as she entered the room.

,,I don’t even know him, that’s worse!“ your youngest began to sob.

She indeed looked like Zen. He would have been proud to see her beauty.

Well, he was proud of every daughter he had. He loved them with all his heart.

,,Trust me, I would rather not remember him than live with memories,“ your oldest daughter Mina hissed as she put down her lipstick and rushed out.

You sighed as you looked at your little family.

You were all sleeping in one single room. No one had their own space and instead they all argued with each other whenever they had the chance.

,,You’re always so negative, MINA!“ your middle child Hana hissed, followed by the youngest, Sera.

,,I HATE YOU GUYS! HE DIED BECAUSE OF YOU!“ she screamed, making your heart stop.

Mina glared at her and fell on her feet as she began to scream a loud, high pitched scream.

,,SERA RYU!“ you screamed.

The house died down as only sniffles were heard.

,,Your father died when the three of you caught a virus. He was trying to go to the shop for some medicine, but that doesn’t mean that one of you is at fault, understand?“ you hissed.

You sat down and began to cry yourself as you called them over into your arms, ready to embrace your crying children.

,,No one is at fault. Please, please don’t fight, girls, your father would be devastated to see that,“ you begged.

,,Sera, you do look like dad,“ Mina sobbed and smiled, making your youngest smile brightly.

Yoosung

Your son finally fell asleep after a long crying session.

Nothing hurt you more than consoling your son who was in deep pain because he got bullied at school for not having a father.

Yoosung died six months ago, making you move into a tinier apartment which led to your son attending another school.

However, you regretted every single decision.

You pulled your phone out as you tried to dry your salty tears.

You entered a new chatroom as you asked for help.

,,What happened? Shall I come over?“ Jumin responded, being the first one online.

,,I can come quicker, I‘m omw,“ Zen shortly afterwards responded.

,,No no, I just…

Can you please bring Jinyoung to school tomorrow? He got bullied… I think if other children see him with you guys, they will respect him more,“ you wrote.

Of course Seven jumped in and wrote six lines about how happy he would be to play ⅓ of a father, making you actually choke on your tears.

,,Thank you,“ you typed and decided to bring your son to bed.

Indeed the three boys kept their promise, making him laugh like never before.

Jaehee

,,And that‘s how we met,“ you laughed as you told your son about the meeting between you and Jaehee.

He nodded as he looked at the picture over the table.

It portrayed you, him, and Jaehee on his first day of school.

Jaehee died a year ago from an illness.

It all went so quickly. One day she got diagnosed and a few months later the two of you prepared the funeral for her.

As if it was yesterday, you remembered picking up your son and driving him to the hospital to give Jaehee the chance to see him one last time.

And indeed, it was their last goodbyes.

Jaehee would never see him finishing school, university, or begin a job, fall in love, or try to cheer him up while being lovesick.

She would never see him get married or have his first child.

It hurt your heart to know that you were the only one left for him.

On the other side, Jaehee was happy that at least he had you. ,,How did your favorite TikTok go?“ she groaned.

,,Take him to the moon for me,“ she whispered.

,,Mom was a strong woman,“ you told your son as a tear left your eye.

,,You too, Mommy, you too.“

Saeyoung 

You sighed as you turned off your alarm to get off the bed.

It was still dark outside, but you had to wake up with the last strength you had. You pulled yourself together and walked back to the kitchen where you prepared some breakfast for your child.

Like every morning, reality hit you as you silently sobbed while putting some rice into the bento box.

Your hands trembled as you looked up, just to gasp for air and keep going.

It was hard ever since Saeyoung died. Things weren’t going well for you.

You thanked God daily for the remaining person you had, that you had friends and family who supported you.

But you also begged God to make this bad life end. Even though it was selfish, you just wanted to see your family again.

Even if Jaehee often tried to make you understand how lucky you were, even at the times where Jumin promised to help you with the medical expenses, even at those times when Yoosung came over to cook dinner, and even at those times when Zen promised to go with your and your child to the park, you just wanted this to end.

You inhaled again and dried your tears as you made yourself a cup of coffee.

,,Good morning, baby,’’ you whispered as you turned on the lights of your son’s room.

,,Mo….m,’’ the boy groaned, probably in pain as you helped him get up to sit on his wheelchair.

,,Wet…’’ he gasped as you noticed that he wet his bed again.

,,It’s okay, baby, don’t worry,’’ you smiled, pushing the chair through the door, passing at the picture of Saeyoung, Saeran, and your two perfectly healthy children.

That day, Saeyoung didn’t just die in a car accident from speeding, he also took his brother and one of your children with him, leaving you with your second son disabled by the accident.

,,It’s okay,’’ you whispered.

Saeran

You looked up to the ceiling as you felt a warm, little hand on your chest.

Turning your head, you could see how relaxed the face of your daughter was as she slept safely and soundly, not worrying about anything or anyone.

You smiled as you saw how much she resembled Saeran, her father.

Your hand moved to stroke her head as you remembered the day you told him that you were pregnant, how he cared for you and his daughter in the pregnancy, how hard labor was, and how emotional it was when he once again decided to save his brother after seeing his own daughter.

,,He would be happy to see her,’’ he said after she was newly born and he was finally allowed to hold her in his embrace.

As if it was yesterday, you remembered how he taught her to walk, how he stood behind her while going to the park and how much he loved to feed her.

This all disappeared one day.

In the morning, he told you that he might have found Saeyoung and in the evening he came home, beaten up with a shotgun wound, collapsing in front of your porch.

It was your worst nightmare and you were honestly happy that this all happened at night, knowing that back then, your three year old daughter wouldn’t have seen anything.

Ever since then, life became harder.

You moved, fearing the Prime Minister or the agency Saeyoung was in would track you down and kill your daughter. The RFA kept helping you guys, but questions like, ,,Where is Dada’’ weren’t always easy to respond to.

,,Mommy,’’ she mumbled and opened her eyes, smiling brightly at you and rubbing her eyes to wake up.

,,Mhhh?’’ you asked her.

,,Daddy visited my dreams…’’ she giggled and fell asleep again, making you wander back to old memories too.

Jihyun

,,Mom, I don’t understand my homework,’’ Lucy said, whispering as she entered the room as quietly as possible.

You looked back to her and nodded as you looked back to the little bed your son was in before you walked away, your hand on Lucy’s hair as you smiled at her.

,,What topic?’’ you asked her.

You noticed that she was hesitating so it was probably art since it was related to her father.

,,Art?’’ you asked her to make it easier for her. She had a pretty hard time ever since Jihyun died, well, you too. You all had a pretty hard time.

Jumin wasn’t the same person anymore, or so Jaehee said. Yoosung seemed to regret a few things, and Saeran and Saeyoung were grieving, just like Zen.

Everyone was in pain after the painful death of that one special person.

,,Our teacher told us to draw a painful happy moment but… how am I supposed to make something happy if it’s supposed to be painful?’’ she asked you.

You nodded. ,,Well, describe something painful. What is painful?’’ you asked her.

,,Getting hurt is painful, falling is painful, getting hit is painful…’’

,,How about losing someone?’’ you asked her, making her think about it for a few seconds before she asked you if it wasn’t something sad instead of painful. 

You nodded. ,,When I told you that daddy wouldn’t come home anymore back then when you were younger, do you remember how you felt?’’ you asked her.

,,Did your heart hurt? Did you feel scared and suffocated? Wasn’t it painful?’’ you asked her and even though you could see that she was tearing up, you knew that this was something the two of you had to talk about.

Indeed, Lucy closed up about her feelings ever since then, but this was also a good opportunity.

,,Now, think of a happy moment with your father. Isn’t it something painful but a happy moment as well?’’ you asked her and got up, knowing that she knew what to do.

A week later, you were invited to see your daughter receive a prize for the most beautiful portrait of Jihyun as an angel looking down at the world, a painful and happy moment for everyone who knew him.

Vanderwood

,,Mommy,’’ your son asked you, pulling at your shirt as you stood in front of the stove.

,,Mhhh?’’ you asked him without looking as you were cooking.

,,Why did Daddy leave us?’’ he asked you out of the blue, making you stop everything and look at him.

,,The fish is burning,’’ he suddenly said as he saw the flames, making you shriek and quickly take care of everything.

After everything was taken care of, you took him in your arms and showed him a few pictures of his father.

For now, you never showed him his father. You never dared to speak about Vanderwood, fearing that your son wouldn’t understand your words, but by now you learned that he was much stronger than you ever thought.

,,This is your father, Vanderwood. He didn’t leave because he wanted to, he was kind of forced to,’’ you told him, gulping down the bad feeling you had as your heart began to beat quickly.

,,And why is he gone?’’ he asked you, softly touching the picture of a cool looking brown haired man.

This was on the day you two went to eat after you craved a salad and ice cream.

,,He had an important job to do,’’ you explained. Of course you didn’t tell him that the agency tracked him down and killed him brutally while he tried to keep you, his heavily pregnant, hidden.

,,And what is he doing now?’’ he kept asking you as you remembered the day, as if it was yesterday, when he pushed you into the closet, begging you to close your ears and never come out until called you.

However, that call never came. Instead, Saeyoung pulled you out moments later. You didn’t remember how much time passed.

You just knew that he asked you to keep your eyes closed as he led the way out of the room.

,,He is now protecting you, me, uncle Saeyoung, uncle Saeran, uncle Jumin, uncle Zen, uncle Yoosung and aunt Jaehee,’’ you answered with a smile.

How much he would have loved to meet his son, you were sure.

He was your happiness after all, the last memento of Vanderwood.

MASTERLIST 1

MASTERLIST 2

MASTERLIST 3

26.07.2021// 00:13 MEST

[sainz-zayn]

Anagapesis

Anagapesis (n.) no longer feeling any affection for someone you once loved

Warnings: cheating please if you're sensitive towards this kind of topic please don't read it, alcohol usage, suggestive and sexual themes, toxic relationship, swearing, cheating is not good please don`t take this seriously in real life.

Word count: 5k+

Disclaimer: All Characters and events in this story even those based on real people are entirely fictional.

"Tell me have you ever love me!?" I whispered timidly.

"I've never loved you not even once!" He answered.

Those words came out from his beautiful lips like nothing ever happened between the two of us.

"Leave! I hate you!" my tears starts to fall from my eyes. I`ve never felt this broken before but the one and only Jung Jaehyun made me feel like my heart is shattered into pieces.

Well, how did it all started?

Sitting on my chair signing a contract all day long is hella hectic and surely stressful. I surely need an award tonight for this, maybe going out with the girls tonight is one of the greatest ideas.

Arriving at the club, a tall handsome man with great features already attracts my attention. The both of us checking out each other shamelessly is a wholesome scenery for my best friend.

"Looks like my best friend took a liking at someone huh?" Yoona said, then she  smirk at me before handing me a glass of wine. I rolled my eyes at her playfully.

"Why, do you know him?" I asked her as my attention goes back to where the man is sitting while talking to a girl, who I assumed is his girlfriend.

"No, I don't know him but my boyfriend Johnny surely does. his name is Jaehyun, Jung Jaehyun to be exact." Yoona exclaimed as I drink my fourth glass of wine.

"Johnny do you know the girl beside him?" I asked. 

"Yeah, that's his girlfriend Yerim. I kinda don't like her though. Want me to introduce you to him?" Duh, Yes, I`d like to. 

"Sure" but before I can stand up, Jaehyun is already walking towards our table  then he greets Johnny and do their handshake.

"You look like you've gotten into a fight" I said eyeing him, Jaehyun. 

"I'm Mayjun, Han Mayjun. Nice to meet you Mr. Handsome" I wink at him before grabbing another drink. He noticed that I`m flirting so he decided to go with it.

"I'm Jaehyun, Johnny's best friend and yeah... me and my girlfriend fought earlier" Jaehyun sighed then I gave him a glass of wine.

"Here drink this" 

 Yoona and Johnny told us that they are gonna dance for a bit. Tsk, a bit my ass huh. I know that they will be gone for a whole night.

"I guess we're alone now" He said then smirked.  Because of that decided to tease him.

"That guy kinda looks hot don't you think so?" 

"Tsk" Jaehyun replied.

"Awe is someone`s jealous now Mr.handsome?" I playfully chuckle.

"Wanna go for a dance?" I asked him making my way to the dance floor.

"Sure wait for m-" before he could finish talking I already started dancing. swinging my hips to the beat seductively while looking at him deep in the eyes makes him feel some kind of things that he shouldn't be feeling at this point.

 "You have a girlfriend for fuck sake Jaehyun" he  murmured under his breath but I heard it. 

He lost it when I and bite my lips. He approach me and holds my hips like I`m his. Everything happened so fast his soft plump lips are kissing mine roughly while I`m slowly grinding against his hard erected manhood.

That's how I ended waking up on Jaehyun's bed early in the morning in his masculine pair of arms. Wrapped around your waist just how I want it to be.

I faced him and greeted by a half-naked Jaehyun making me blush so hard.

"Like what you see?" He said mockingly while slowly showing his beautiful dimple that makes me love him more. This is wrong but it feels so right. Well, bad feels good, good feels bad.

He stands up making me see a more clearer view of his muscular body.

"I-i know this is wrong. I'm sorry for seducing you I am sorry we're both drunk last night and you know it too." I look down shyly and guilt is washing over my  body.

"Hey, what are you saying!? You don't need to be sorry. We both chose to do this and we're gonna continue it." He hugs my waist. I look at his eyes and pissed is clearly written all over his face.

"But you have a girlfriend I can't share a man with that girl!" I rolled my eyes at him. I push him through his chest and that made him more pissed off.

"We already did it so what's the point of turning back!?" He pinned me to the wall harshly making me hiss in pain before crashing his lips to mine. Without knowing you kissed him back. After a minute of our hot make-out session he pulled you into his embrace.

"So?" He whispered.

"Fine let's continue it, it's not like I don`t have a choice" I sigh before putting on my clothes.

"Stay I'll cook breakfast" He demand.

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No, I will not!" I exclaimed.

"Yes, you will" he said while approaching you.

"Jaehyun I'm already late. I'm the company`s CEO, I don't have a choice it's been a hectic week for our company."

"How about a dinner tonight?" He asked while fixing the watch on his wrist. Dinner sounds good.

"Okay, I'll eat dinner with you" I gave him a peck on his lips before leaving his house.

Sighing at myself, I rub my temples softly if yesterday was hella hectic then today is hella hell. A meeting here and there a contract to sign. I don't even get to eat lunch. I only have coffee and a subway burger that my secretary gave. 

I watch as the sun set a lot happened in a day. When the realization hits me, I don't even give Jaehyun my number nor my address. I consciously think of a way to contact him but it all stops when a soft knock interrupts my thoughts.

"Come in" I said clearing my throat, as my office door opens I see a glimpse of Jaehyun`s side profile.

"H-how?" I tried to remember if I gave him my address but no. 

I can`t recall anything. I stand up and he opens his arms for me to hug him but I walk pass him.

"Hey, I'm right here as you can see" he furrowed his eyebrows at me.

"duh! I know that I'm not blind" but deep inside I`m thinking how the heck he found out where I am.

"if you`re thinking how I get here, it`s because I tell my secretary to find you and here I am" Jaehyun admires my office for a bit. His taste is kinda similar to mine I think.

"by the way since last night I still didn't introduce my self properly I`m Jung Jaehyun the owner and CEO of Neo tech enterprises" Jaehyun smirk at my reaction.

 I can`t believe it the one whom I hook up with last night is one of the richest men I`ve ever know. His the owner of the number one technology company in South Korea with a New York branch. My company is ranked top 2 before his.

"and? that doesn`t change the fact that you`re cheating on your girlfriend with me." I huff in annoyance as the word "your girlfriend" slides to my tongue bitterly.

"I'm not here to argue with you okay? I`m here to have dinner with you. Now if you don`t want me here then bye" I`m shocked at his sudden change but you won`t easily chase him and lose. He wants to play? then let's play. But after thinking you decide not to play hard to get.

"Jaehyun I'm sorry okay? I-I`m just stress." then he smiles knowing that he already win. 

"Okay now don`t just stand there and let`s go." he emotionlessly said.

It`s been almost 4 months my relationship with Jaehyun is still going on. Everyone notices the tension every time we have a friend gathering. of course, we hook up here and there or whenever he wants to but today is different this past few weeks it`s like he been avoiding me. Not like the old days he always takes me to date and cuddles with me. He always makes me feel love, my friends already warn me that I might regret what we`re doing now in the future but I could care less.

Admiring my expensive dress in the mirror I sure do look mesmerizing, I always do. Many men are ready to give their love to me, many of them have already court me but none of them is in my standard. Yes I admit it I`m a picky and choosy person when it comes to my love life or personal affair but what can I do? when there is only one Jung Jaehyun in the world. The thought of him with another woman is making me jealous but that's not the point you already have him wrapped around your fingers. You're Han Mayjun and what Mayjun want, Mayjun get. You have it all powers, wealth, beauty, and most importantly Jung Jaehyun one of the richest and handsome men you've ever known. 

While sipping my favorite wine, I heard a light knock from my door assuming that it`s jaehyun but I remind myself that it`s not him because he already told me that he`s going to the gala with his girlfriend. Yeah, the girlfriend who he always takes to the gala with him. Because of this we argue with each other and I didn`t hear anything from him in 2 days but what can you do about it your relationship with him is all hidden from the public.

"Come in" the door open and my date for the night who is my Ex Jungwoo. I gotta admit, it took me so long to move on from him because of what happened between the two of us. He just suddenly leave me like nothing ever happened between the two of us. He leaves me without saying goodbye. almost 3 years ago he goes to the US to take over his dad company and comeback after a year and us two got into good chemistry and became a best friend that`s why he`s the one who I choose to be my date tonight at the gala. 

"Pleasure to meet you my love" Jungwoo holds my hand and kisses the top of it gently. It makes my heart flutter, I gotta hide it.

"No need to be so polite you know, I miss you Kim Jungwoo" I give him a big teddy bear hug who he accepts gladly. I take my time hugging Jungwoo it`s like his my comfort. The moment stops when his assistant interrupts us.

" Sir we have to go or we`ll be late for tonight's event" Jungwoo`s assistant clearly said for the both of us to hear.

"Shall we princess?" He smiles teasingly and I hate it. But I also find comfort in it.

"Oh, come on Woo stop with the pet names and let`s go" Slapping his arms playfully we go straight to Jungwoo`s car going to the Gala. It only takes a minute to arrive. Jungwoo immediately go outside of the car to open it for me and a thousand of lights flicking and clicking towards our direction. and Jung-woo shield me from it before walking in the red carpet we post while his arms are wrapped around my waist. Tomorrow the both of us will be surely the hit topic on social media and magazines almost in all newspaper headlines. Because they all know about our public relationship how it works out and how it ended.

I go inside the building with Jungwoo beside me and I see our group of friends waving at us and we approached them. I heard a whistle from Lucas and Yuqi my best friend. They started dating weeks ago, Lucas is Jaehyun`s best friend and Yuqi is my long-time friend just like Yoona.

"You look sexy tonight babe" Yuqi honestly said and all of them agreed. I`m  kinda shock that Lucas and Jungwoo know each other, almost all of them know each other.

Y`all are having fun talking to each other or whoever approach our table. Every minute, different Ceo. My friends notice that almost all of them is flirting with me but I shrugged it off and go on with having fun when the atmosphere suddenly changes. I turn around only to see Jaehyun approaching our table. He looks good tonight his hair is neatly done, the tuxedo that his wearing fits him well. Jungwoo notices the way that I look at Jaehyun. I used to look at him like that too. Sometimes he wonders what if he didn`t leave and break your heart? maybe I will still gonna be his.

-*-

Jaehyun is looking at you without thinking about others. He just wants to hug you, kiss you, and feel you on his body. But this day guilt is been washing all over his body that`s why he's trying to distance himself from you and he feels sorry for that but knowing that you go here with Jungwoo, makes him feels some kind of things that might not help in this kind of situation.

"Yow, what`s up dude?" mark happily greets him and invited him to sit he also knows what`s going on between the two of you. 

"Where`s Yerim?" Seulgi asks while the others shift their attention to Seulgi and Jaehyun, yeah you`re curious to where is Yerim? doesn`t she come here with jaehyun?

"She`s in the restroom" Jaehyun replies to them they ask him more things but he can only think about you, do you think about him too? the answer is probably yes but you can`t bring yourself to look at him you`re scared that you might cry in front of them and your pride will not let you.

"Hi babe sorry I need to go to the restroom and leave you alone" and that`s when Jaehyun finally talks normally and not dryly he`s usually not like this towards his friend but tonight is really different.

-*-

"It's okay baby come and sit here with me" my group of friends cheers for them playfully and that`s when I finally look at him with jealousy burning in my eyes. Everyone suddenly stops cheering realizing what`s going on between the two of us. Jaehyun smirked at me and this time I hate it. he wants to play a game? then let`s play.

I didn`t hesitate to roll my eyes at him and I turn to my side to face Jungwoo who is now in his 5th drink.

"Baby slow down you`re getting tipsy" I know that Jung-woo has a high alcohol tolerance but the show must go on. 

"I`m fine baby don't worry" Jungwoo only grins at me making you soft. When he suddenly gave you a peck on the lips, and you gave him one too. Oh, I know how much Jaehyun hates hearing somebody else calls me baby. Because he`s the only one who called me that. 

"Hey, you two if you`re going to get back together then don`t make it long! just do it." Yoona said making Yuqi, and Seulgi coo with their boyfriend. Jaehyun hates how you blush with their sudden statement but little did you know everyone is doing it on purpose so that Jaehyun can get jealous.

Jungwoo whispers in my ears, asking me if I wanna go home too but I hesitate.

"If you`re uncomfortable right now, I can take you home" I hesitantly look around and you see everyone talking about business, and you look at Jaehyun to only see him avoiding Yerim`s touch. My plan work I thought so I decided it`s better if I let Jungwoo take me home.

"Guys we`re going home now” Jungwoo and me bid our Goodbye to them and other businessmen in the party.

"okay, make sure you drive well Jungwoo if anything happens to my best friend I`ll kill you" Yuqi said before the both of us go outside to Jungwoo`s car.

We arrive at my house and I thank Jungwoo for helping me out tonight, and for driving me home. I don`t know why, but I`m excited to know if anything will happen tonight.

I go to my room to change into my night sleepwear. Silk shorts and an over size shirt to make me comfortable.

 Someone suddenly loudly knocks in the door making you startled.

"who`s there!?" 

"Just fucking open the door Mayjun!"

I hear his voice and that`s enough to know who he is. Opening the door a soft pair of lips land to mine kissing me roughly as if there's no tomorrow for it.

“Jaehyun stop! I`m tired!” I tried to push him but he`s stronger than me. He pinned me to the wall harshly, leaving wet kisses on my neck.

"Do you think ignoring me is fun!?" Silence.

"Do you think making me jealous with your  jerk ex is fun huh!?" Silence.

"Talk to me for Fuck sake! Don`t give me cold shoulders, look at me just once. Fuck just fuck this!" and that is my breaking point I can`t stand this argument anymore.

"I already told you Jaehyun that I`m tired so what`s the point of arguing here!?" am i scared? yes, I`m scared of him when he`s mad but I can`t let him win this time. He look so hot when he's mad but I can set that aside.

"Why does he already fuck you that`s why you`re tired?" He`s really mad now. No, he`s furious right now. He has said a hurtful and harsh word to me in the past but he never degrade me like this. I can`t let him belittle and look down on me. With the power I had, I slap him.

"You`re always like this when you`re jealous but today!? I don`t even know you, you only call for me whenever you need me. And when you need someone to comfort you or to fulfill your needs. I`m not you`re fucking toy Jaehyun!" I finally cried out and I said the unspoken words to him but at this point, he doesn`t know what to feel anymore he let his anger took over him.

"So what do you want me to do? always go to you!? for fuck sake we don`t even have a label Mayjun wake up! I have a girlfriend and you know that. You`re just someone I know who can fulfill my needs" He yells at me making me break into tears more.

"So that`s what I am to you? someone who can just fulfill your needs?"  you yell back and now I don`t even know what to do. I need to confirm something and his answer is what I need.

"T-tell me have you ever love me!?" I whispered timidly.

"I`ve never loved you not even once!" Those words coming out of his beautiful lips like nothing ever happened between the two of us.

"Leave! I hate you!" My tears starts falling from my eyes. I`ve never felt this broken before but the one and only Jung Jaehyun made you feel like your heart is shattered into pieces.

"If I didn`t make a move on you that night you`ll probably not gonna figure out that the girlfriend you love cheated on you first." his eyes widen in shock.

"Say that again!" 

"I said what I said Jaehyun, now leave!" He turned around and slam the door shut.

 -*-

He`s really sorry and guilty for what he said to you during the argument. All of that? he didn`t mean it and knowing that his girlfriend cheated on him first makes him sadder. That night the both of you spend the cold night without each other embrace crying all night silently. 

-*-

I should have listened to what my friend already warned me. But I`m thankful for them for supporting me after finding out that Yerim is not as good as we think.

Meanwhile, Jaehyun is crying his eyes and heart out in the middle of the night he`s blaming his self for hurting you.

 "I'm such an asshole!" He groaned and run his finger through his hair. 

he regrets all the things he said to you he cry and cry just like you. He throws all the things that he grabs on the floor making his hands bleed. But he could care less. There`s only one thing that he knows, he will get you back no matter what it takes. that night he called Yerim and break up with her.

-*-

It's been three days and I let my secretary do the works while I`m gone. A one-week break won`t hurt anyone when I`m the the one hurting right?

"Yoona can you please come to my place right now? I really need you right now" I try hard to hide my sob making Yoona concern but what can she do? she`s in the Maldives right now arranging her wedding with Johnny.

"Babe I`m sorry, I know you can overcome it. You`re a strong person Mayjun and you know it too. I`m sorry that I`m not on your side right to comfort you, I have to go Mayjun please eat well and take care of yourself the wedding is in a few days I love you!" and the line got disconnected even though Yoona is away from me she always makes sure that I`m okay. 

Suddenly the door of your room opens widely.

"Please didn`t I tell you that I want to be alone!" Not bothering to turn around because you thought that it was your brother Seojun.

 But no, the person who enters my room suddenly pulls me into a tight hug whispering comforting words to my ears. I know it`s Jungwoo he always does this when I need comfort. Without hesitating I let my emotions come out because I know that Jungwoo will not judge me.

"H-how?" I ask him between my sobs.

"Shh... Yoona called me and told me everything. It`ll be fine Mayjun I`m here" Jungwoo pats my back back softly to make me comfortable.

"J-Jung-woo why? am I not worthy enough to be loved? why do they always leave me?" 

"Hey, princess listen you`re beautiful, you`re worthy. I`m sorry for hurting you, I`m sorry that we hurt you" He kissed the top of my head and he let me fall asleep on his arms. 

A soft smile is written all over his face, he hopes that no one will hurt you anymore. He knows that you love Jaehyun dearly even though it hurts him he will help you get back together.

-*-

 6 days already passed and Jaehyun can`t focus on his work. You`re all he could think about he knows that he can see you on the wedding day but were you ready to face him? he`s scared that you might not even let him get close to you. so he keeps himself from working and working until he's exhausted.

Me on the other side is getting ready for my flight I will go there with Yuqi, Lucas and all of Nct members. It`s what they called the group, group of young tech CEO and one of the finest and richest men in South Korea.

"You don`t need to be nervous Mayjun. We`re here don`t worry" Yuta smile at me reassuringly. I sighed and after a long flight we headed to our designated car taking you to a beautiful beach. 

“You should enjoy this day Mayjun, you need to relax” I said and to myself. I hear my brother Seojun calling me from afar. And yeah, he`s still single is he?

I look around and I make eye contact with whom I want to see from the start but can`t admit it. I quickly look away, I try to find Yoona only to see her at her hotel room. Y`all girls are in the same room and it makes me feel at ease. 

"I think we should get wasted tonight!" Seulgi said happily and we agree with the idea. 

"We should celebrate before the wedding because this is the last day that we will call you Ms. Im. Because tomorrow you`re gonna be Mrs. Suh" I wink at her and y`all agree with the idea. So I change my clothes, I wear a sundress before going out with the girls and I avoid any interaction with Jaehyun.

-*-

"Johnny, do you think she will forgive me?" Jaehyun asks his friend while looking up in the sky feeling the cold breeze.

"Jaehyun I know what you did is wrong but let`s hope that she will forgive you just give her sometimes" Johnny then pats Jaehyun`s shoulder before giving him a small smile. 

"I have a plan and I`m determined to do this but I need your help" said Jaehyun.

Jaehyun then tells all the boys his plan for tomorrow and they`re more glad to help him out because they can see and feel how you love each other dearly.

-*-

It`s past midnight and  and the other girls are still having fun dancing and drinking until we get wasted. I drink a lot compared to them and they try to stop me but I just keep on dancing until all the girls got drunk. 

 Johnny suddenly realize that y`all are in the club and the boys got worried so they try to find y`all. Only to find all of us dancing like a sexy goddess, they hate how other men stare at my hips.

"Jaehyun you get Mayjun. Me, Lucas, and Mark will get them" Johnny goes to Yoona to cover her with his jacket and the others do the same.

"Oh, guys look it`s Jaehyun! doesn`t he look so handsome?" I grin at them making them laugh because I`m really not myself right now.

"Yeah, it` me now let`s go you need to take some rest" He clung me into his arms and I hug him tightly as I could. "Baby I can` breathe"

"Let`s stay like this for a minute please." I softly said.

"I miss you, you know every day I`m always thinking about you" I said while my  eyes are floating in tears. Making them all silent they just let me because they know how badly I was hurt. Yuqi, Yoona, and Seulgi is sobber now but here I am are crying in front of them.

"I miss you so much, my day is not complete without thinking of you. Everything reminds me of you even though you hurt me even though you didn`t love me I`m so thankful that I met you" I said weakly while softly caressing his face, tears is visible on his eyes too.

"No, all I said to you was a lie since the day that I met you I`m ready to risk everything for you that`s when I realize that cheating is my choice thank you for completing half of me thank you for letting me know that she cheated on me first I Love You so much Mayjun" I slowly nod at everything he explained to me and I gave him a peck on his lips.

 He wish, no, everyone wishes that you will remember all of this tomorrow. Your friends can`t help it that they start to tear up too.

It`s 6:00 am now and here I am comforting and thanking Yoona for staying by my side and I tell her not to get nervous.

"Yoona it`s okay you`ve been waiting for this, this is one of your biggest dreams and it came true now I`m so happy for you" I hug her as I admire her in her dress she looks beautiful and she always does.

_*_

On the other side of the room, there are the boys who are super chaotic they`re laughing and teasing Jaehyun and Johnny because of what happened last night but deep inside they`re so proud of each other.

"You`re getting married now Johnny I can`t believe it. And you`re marrying Yoona the woman of your life" Ten said while proudly smiling at him 

"Jung Jaehyun you better take care of Mayjun or else you know what will gonna happen" Jungwoo and Seojun said in unison they`re laughing at how they`re thinking the same thing.

"Hyung I`m the one who is supposed to say it!" Jungwoo said and Seojun only rolled his eyes at him.

"I heard you and Chaewon are dating" Jungwoo said making Seojun widen his eyes. He`s supposed to say it after the wedding but Jungwoo already said it.

"Kim Jungwoo you bastard!" Seojun glare at Jungwoo making everyone laugh in the room.

_*_

You may now kiss the bride. 

Y`all cheered for Johnny and Yoona when Yuta said. 

"G-guys J-jaehyun he got into an accident" Yuta is breathing heavily while saying it and I feel like my whole world stop.

" What!? How!?" I said.

 Concern is creeping up on my body. Yuta ask us to follow him and I run as fast as I can, I don`t really know where we`re going but I just keep following him. I want to see Jaehyun safe.

I run and run until I a see flower petals scattered in the sand with candles lighting the place up and I can`t help but to tear up. I turn around and I see my group of friends standing happily while holding a balloon that`s forming a word saying " Will you marry me"

And that`s when Jaehyun finally showed up while holding a bouquet of flower giving it to me while I cry, smiling at him he kneels in front of me and I cover my lips with my hands. I can`t help it but tears of joy are coming out from my eyes right now.

"Mayjun I know I hurt you, I know I said that I don`t love you but the truth is I`m scared. I`m scared that time that if I tell you my real feelings you will not love me back but I'm so fool to even think about your feelings. Now that I`m here and ready to give you more than my everything and stay with you" Jaehyun takes a deep breath to take more courage.

"Han Mayjun I Jung Jaehyun is asking you Will you marry me?" Jaehyun asks me wholeheartedly. And who am I to say no? when all of our friends are rooting for the both of us?

"Yes, Yes Jaehyun I`ll marry you" He put the diamond ring on my finger and he finally stands up and he spoon me around.

" I LOVE YOU JUNG JAEHYUN" I shout happily while showing my finger to my friends and they clap. 

They stand there proudly looking at us, This will not happen if they`re not here by our side. Strangers who watch the scene clap along with them and that`s how my story with Jung Jaaehyun starts again.

Always remember this "Everyone has a friend during each stage of life. But only lucky ones have the same friends in all stages of life.”

and that`s how Mayjun and Jaehyun with their friend life goes on.

[hongnanglen-arina]

The Ulzzang Project - Part 4 | Jeon Wonwoo

Read part 3 Read part 5

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Genre: fluff, a little suggestive here and there

Pairing: Jeon Wonwoo x female reader

Warnings: alcohol, jealousy, heated moments? just two confused people plus jeonghan haha

Words: 3.6k

A/N: Hi! Here��s part 4. Wow... never thought I would write this much.. I wanted it to be a mini series but seems like it’s getting longer and longer.. anyways, hope you’ll like it ♡

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“Seungkwan doesn’t have as many followers as us but they do have a lot and considering they only post sweet and lovely photos… maybe we don’t need sexy photos at all?”

“But wasn’t it about seeing how many followers we can get within a month? Where is your fighting spirit, y/n?” Wonwoo removed his pajama pants and sat down beside you on the couch, looking at you. You agreed to take the photos Wonwoo once suggested. His hand on your bare thigh. His opinion was that it would attract people even more when his legs beside yours were bare too. Seeing no problem in this, you just said yes. Giving him a mischievous grin, you closed the app, locked your phone, set it aside and took another big gulp from your beer. When you wanted to lower your can, you felt your best friend’s hand on top of yours, grabbing the can and moving it in front of his own lips to drink. In your drunken state, you could only giggle but watched him swallow and groan in satisfaction when it tickled down his throat. 

He noticed your stare and smirked. “What’s wrong?” His rather innocent question didn’t fit the way he was looking at you. Feeling his warm hand on your thigh, you didn’t lower your gaze, instead your eyes fixated on his lips when he opened it a little to lick the corner. Jeon Wonwoo really wanted to test your patience.

Quickly, you cleared your throat and pulled your beer off his hand with a a flustered “That’s mine.”

Wonwoo chuckled but let it slide, squeezing your thigh. “Shall we start then?”

As you felt his eyes on you, you decided to tease him too, moving his hand higher so that his little finger was slightly grazing your dark panties. He stopped in his tracks and waited for you, for any sign and it seemed as if he stopped breathing. What was he expecting you wondered but chose to continue with your previous plan.

“Thought you were going to take photos? Not interested anymore?”

His eyes switched between your face and his hand on you and it amused you how his glasses slowly slid down the bridge of his nose in the process. Leaning closer and using your hand to push up his glasses, you made sure to graze his skin with your fingers. He was hypnotized, letting you do as you pleased. You two didn’t say anything for a while, heads clouded because of the alcohol you already had, cheeks flushed because of the closeness. 

You noticed his jaw clench, his chest rise, his adam’s apple bob while you looked at each other.

That was when you started to snicker and soon Wonwoo joined you.

Maybe if it wasn’t for the laughter, it could have ended differently. There was still some kind of tension between you but it was comfortable enough to make jokes and exchange playful glares here and there. Just like always.

After a bunch of photos later, you were in your last pose for today. You suggested to straddle him so you could take photos to hint at something even less innocent. It was more a joke but Wonwoo agreed to it without any sign of hesitation. Sitting down on his lap, you automatically bit your lip as your panties met his boxer briefs, the fabrics so thin you could swore you felt him as if you two weren’t wearing anything. Feeling him below you was different. You could see it in his eyes, he felt the same.

“M-maybe it would be more ‘impactful’ if… this here is off.”

He pointed at your oversized shirt that belonged to your friend and you nodded. He was right. Without saying anything, you pulled it over your head and threw it behind him and the couch, looking into his eyes and trying to suppress a grin when his gaze dropped to your chest for a split second. But it was long enough for you to notice and when your eyes locked again, you couldn’t help but to wiggle your brow at him, causing him to snort.

“What, I’m a man with needs you know?” He retorted as he was unlocking his phone to start taking the last photos.

“Needs? What kind of needs? Need a girlfriend?”

“…maybe.”

“Thought your hand was enough?”

“Wow, it’s not the same though?”

“Tell me what’s different then.”

Wonwoo lowered his phone and let his eyes wander through the room.

“My hand can’t replace a whole body, a whole person. It’s so much better when you feel soft hands on your body, the heat that radiates the other against yours. You know, only hearing mewls and whines are a huge turn on. But alone here, I have to imagine it. If I use my hand or a toy, I can’t finish without imagining someone doing it or being in front of me. God, what I would do for someone scratching over my skin or biting down on it. It’s been too long.” He opened his eyes and searched for yours, shrugging as he continued. “See? My hand can’t make me happy for the long run. It can’t fulfill all the needs.”

Apparently the alcohol in his system helped him talk about this topic almost in detail. You sometimes talked about it when you weren’t tipsy or drunk but it was always a normal talk or with teasing and jokes. But right now he seemed serious, sad even. Although his confession made you flustered, it made you curious a well. “Do you like someone?”

His eyes widened at your question. “What?”

“You said you would imagine someone while jerking off. Is it someone I know?”

“Uhm…. you… could say so.”

Wiggling on his lap, you giggled. “Little Wonwoo is in love hehehe… does she know?”

You didn’t notice how his body stiffened at your motions, sweat forming on his forehead as he tried to concentrate on something else than your hips and soft skin. “U-uhm… don’t think so.”

“Tell me who it is and I will be your matchmaker. Let me tell you, I’m very good at this. And because you’re my bestie, I don’t want anything in return. Just stay my bestie and make time for me once in a while.” Smiling at him you see sweat on his temples and innocently touch it with your fingertips. Absentmindedly wiping them off while you waited for his reply, Wonwoo opened his mouth.

“Y/n?”

You stopped and gave him your full attention but when he was about to speak, your phone chimed. When you didn’t budge, he cocked his head in the direction of your phone and you took it. 

It was a message from Jeonghan.

[Jeonghan] Is my princess already asleep?

“Princess?” The annoyed sound in Wonwoo’s voice made you look up from your phone. “He calls you princess?”

You quickly locked your phone and threw it away, making a grimace. “He just reminded me of the presentation. God I hate uni.” Holding onto your best friend’s shoulders, you wanted to get up but his hands were faster, holding your hips down on him. “I asked you something.”

Suddenly he wasn’t slurring the words anymore and you could hear your heartbeat. The way Wonwoo looked at you was different. He seemed serious and a little angry.

“I… don’t know why, Wonwoo. It’s the first time he did.”

He studied your face for a couple of seconds before nodding. You were telling the truth. Feeling his hands loosening their grip on your, you finally got up from his lap, stretching your limbs in front of him in just your underwear. You had your photos so you could call it a day, plus you felt sleepy.

“Maybe he likes me?” You winked at the boy on the couch and noticed his jaw clench. “Oh, is little Wonwoo envious two people might have found their significant other? Or is little Wonwoo jealous?”

Wonwoo’s brows furrow and before he could reach up to you, you laughed and ran off to the bathroom, him following you, calling your name.

—

Breathing heavily, Wonwoo and you were lying in his bed. After being chased around his apartment and being tickled to death, you told him he won and swore you would never tease him like this again. You didn’t mean it but otherwise he would have never stopped, you were sure.

Being in his arms again under the blanket, you inhaled his scent. It was always so soothing. It relaxed your mind whenever you were like this. That was the reason you loved to sleep at his place. Your mind was at peace and you weren’t able to recharge like this at any other place. Even at your own home.

“So. When you jerk off, what are you thinking about? What is the girl you like doing in your imagination? Just watching you or telling you what to do?”

He groaned. “Thought you’re sleepy?”

“I am! But I’m also curious!”

“I’ll tell you tomorrow or so. Now sleep.”

“I won’t sleep if you won’t tell me! Say, or are you imagining her hand touching you instead?Watching how you come undone? Maybe even telling you some dirty stuff? Naughty stuff you like?”

Your head was resting against his chest and you noticed how his heartbeat quickened at your words. “Ohhh I am right??”

Wonwoo shifted and got up. “Yah, where are you going??”

“I need to pee,” he answered and left you alone in the bedroom, his warmth gone. In the dim moonlight you couldn’t see much but enough to watch him leave the room and you lowered your head again, pouting on his pillow.

While waiting for him to come back, you didn’t know that your best friend washed his face with cold water.

It took him around 10 minutes until he walked back into the bedroom, just to find your sleeping form on his bed. Sighing relieved, he carefully joined you, trying not to wake you up. When you were back on his chest, he watched your relaxed facial expression. The moonlight was shining on your face so perfectly he could see you very clearly. 

For him you were more than beautiful. 

For him you were more than a best friend.

The realization hit him over the last couple of days. The last push he needed was today. He felt comfortable with you and only you. Comfortable enough to show his true form, his weaknesses but also his nerdy side. The conversations, the way you were seated on his lap, everything was perfect. Also the way his mood changed when Jeonghan texted you. It made everything clear to him. He needed only one thing. The last answer to be 100 percent sure about it.

You had a little smile on your lips, your small hands on his stomach as he leaned in closer, stopping right in front of your face. “I’m sorry y/n but I have to do this.” His voice was a whisper, still careful not to interrupt your sleep. Wonwoo tilted your head a bit and closed the gap, connecting his lips to yours. 

It was a soft kiss. Not too much pressure. He just had the urge to be closer to you and also to get his answer.

And he did.

—

Scratching your head, you slowly walked back to Wonwoo who was still in bed, covering his face with his arms because it was too bright. It was a sunny day. You stopped and got a better look on your best friend. The blanket loosely wrapped around his lower half, his chest bare and moving up and down steadily. 

Smiling, you got your phone and opened the photo app, sneakily adjusting and taking a photo but the shutter sound was too loud that it woke Wonwoo up. You had covered your mouth and when Wonwoo removed one arm from his head, he groaned, his eyes meeting yours.

“What are you doing y/n?”

His voice was low and raspy and made you forget everything for a split second. As you found your voice again, you stepped closer to him and pulled the blanket off his body. “Wake up! Uni is calling!”

“Oh god…” Wonwoo groaned again, cursing under his breath and turned away from you, trying to get some more sleep. And he thought he won when you didn’t complain. It was quiet in the room so he fell into a slumber again. The thought of you in his arms as he was deepening the kiss.

“GET UP WONUUU!!” Suddenly he felt your body jump on top of his, causing him to violently being pulled out of his dream with you. 

“I’m gonna skip the whole day. I want to stay here.” His voice had an annoyed undertone.

You looked at his face, his eyes squeezed shut while his hands were searching for the blanket which was on the floor. That was when an idea popped up in your head.

“So you want Jeonghan to pick me up?”

Wonwoo opened one eye. “He would greet me with ‘Hey princess! How did you sleep?’”

Wonwoo opened the other eye too, letting you hear his raspy voice again. “What are you hinting at?”

You inched closer and propped yourself up with one arm beside his head. The way he was blinking at you was cute. Showing him your phone, you waited for his reaction.

You had posted the photo that you just took of him in bed. Also edited a bit to match the overall color palette and style of your shared account. You weren’t as good as him at this but you thought it was good enough to post.

His eyes moved lower to see the text you had added to it.

I liked everything about last night. Love you, baby.

All of a sudden, Wonwoo was wide awake.

“Y/n…”

Locking your phone, you smiled at him, hiding your shyness with a change of topic. “So, get up before I’ll call Jeonghan.”

He whispered your name again, tried to stop you and get an explanation of what it was all about when you got up and quickly left the bedroom. A little confused, he grabbed his phone. It was almost 11.

Maybe he would get some answers out of you when he followed you. Stretching his limbs a bit, he slowly got up and ruffled his hair, putting on his glasses. Somehow he had a feeling today was going to be different and he wasn’t sure if it was a good or bad thing.

—

When you two got ready for the day and made your way to uni, both of you were quieter than usual. Maybe it was the fact that you were sleep deprived or the alcohol was still in your system. Maybe both. But every time you looked at Wonwoo, you became nervous and shy. This morning you thought it would be fun to tease him back after his posts. That you could write something similar as well. Just as a joke because that was what he did. But right now, almost 2 hours later, you had the urge to delete the post or just change the text but that would be suspicious, or not?

Chewing on your lower lip, you sat with your friends on campus. 

Peeking over to Wonwoo who was watching Hoshi play a game on his phone, you sucked at your strawberry lollipop, pushing it from side to side. Actually you thought he was sleepy but comparing to him with Hoshi now, he was only quiet with you. Maybe you needed some kind of talk with your best friend to clear the air. A faint voice in your head had an idea what the reason was. 

“I can’t believe you two skipped the first lectures for a good drink and forgot about inviting me. You know, speaking of pros and cons of living alone. I’m disappointed y/n!”

“Dokyeom, you should blame that guy over there! It’s his apartment after all!”

“I have a name.” Wonwoo looked up from Hoshi’s phone and your breath hitched when your eyes locked.

“Wonwoo, why didn’t you invite me? You hate me that much?”

Seungkwan was laughing when Dokyeom rushed to Wonwoo, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him back and forth. “Beware, he might kill you, Dokyeom,” he warned.

“Yah it was a very spontaneous meet-up and it was late already. Next time I’ll invite you. Cool?”

Dokyeom stopped the shaking and thought for a second before hugging him from behind with a wide smile. “Cool!”

You grinned more to yourself when you noticed the soft smile on Wonwoo’s lips. Suddenly there were screams and cheers and you and your friends looked in the direction of the source just to see the infamous most wanted man on campus making his way to your little group.

“He’s coming to us?”

“What does he want?”

“He’s y/n’s presentation partner.” Wonwoo answered shortly.

“Oh..” Seungkwan and Hoshi reacted almost in unison.

When Jeonghan stood in front of your friends and you, he bowed slightly. “Hi, mind if I have a little talk with this pretty princess here?”

Oops.

Automatically your eyes flew over to your best friend’s face and you could see how he was trying to keep his composure. Even Dokyeom who was still hugging him noticed it and looked at Wonwoo with a questioning expression.

To make the situation less worse, you quickly got up and waved Jeonghan over to an empty bench on the other side of the sidewalk, away from your friends. Ignoring the fanclub that was following you.  

“Uhm.. so what do you want to talk about, Jeonghan? We are going to meet up later anyways. You don’t have time then?” You sat down and waited as he took the seat next to you.

“Oh I have time for you always, don’t worry. I wanted to talk about something else. Maybe you already know that I’m quite popular on social media…”

“Also on campus I guess,” you added and he nodded happily.

“Yeah, but after posting a photo of you, people keep pestering me who it is and what our relationship status is. So I wanted to talk to you.” The smile was still on his lips while he looked at you and you wished you could escape this conversation. Especially because you could feel your friend’s gazes on you. 

“Uhm.. we are working on a presentation together. Nothing serious.”

“Are you sure?” Jeonghan’s question had no undertone, yet his smirk told you otherwise.

“What do you mean?” This guy was strange. When Jeonghan didn’t answer your question but started to open his bag instead, you looked around, meeting the gazes of his fanclub, nearly everyone glaring at you.

“Here, this is for you. Don’t want my princess to lose weight.” He pulled out two Onigiri’s and handed them to you, causing two girls to squeal loudly.

“Oh my god! I deserve his attention more than this ugly girl. I thought he has high standards?”

Okay that hurt.

You wanted to get up but Jeonghan’s hand on your arm stopped you. With a soft but slightly angry tone, he said, “Baby, don’t say that to y/n, she’s one of my precious candidates. And you know what happens to people mistreating the people I like, hm?”

“B-but oppa! Look at her! Look at me!”

He made a tsk-sound and shook his head, making her stop with his index finger held high. “Uh uh, leave y/n alone. This conversation is over.”

Looking down at the food Jeonghan gave you, you weren’t sure what to say or if you should just keep quiet. But Jeonghan helped you decide when he got up with an apologetic expression on his face. “It’s better if I leave now. Meet me later at the cafe, okay princess?”

Not sure what to say, you nodded and watched him leave with his fanclub. You still had to process what just happened. One of all the things was stuck in your head. How Jeonghan called that girl ‘baby’.

Baby. The nickname Wonwoo used to call you ever since you started your shared Instagram. Strangely he hadn’t for a while and you wondered why. Somehow you liked this word on his tongue more than you wanted to admit to yourself. You thought by writing ‘baby’ under your latest post, you would lessen the tension between you and your best friend but you were wrong. It was still the same.

Sighing, you got up and walked over to your friends, noticing that Dokyeom and Wonwoo weren’t there anymore. Seeing your expression, Seungkwan explained, “Dino’s in trouble again. Those two went rescuing him again. This boy won’t ever learn.”

You nodded. Seemed like this was the only way you could interact today. You were too confused. Just the thought of meeting Jeonghan later again for your project made you sick.

Suddenly, Seungkwan gasped loudly and shoved his phone in your face and your mouth opened without saying anything when you saw the reason of his behavior. 

“It took me a while to put the pieces together but… isn’t this you and Wonwoo?”

On his phone, your shared account was open, showing you the photo Wonwoo took when you were seated in his lap last night. Your shoulder bare since the angle he chose didn’t reveal your strapless bra. He wasn’t wearing anything as well. His face pressed against your collarbone, only showing his sharp but hooded eyes which were half covered with his bangs, teasing the camera.

“She tastes so good.” Hoshi read the text of the post.

Your face was burning. You never intended your friends to find out. Where the hell was Jeon Wonwoo when shit was going down?!

“Uh…. uhm… I…”

“No chance to deny it, y/n. You are wearing the exact same earrings today and those are Wonwoo’s eyes for sure. Mind to explain?”

[honoredbastard]

ෆ self indulgent and entilted

characters — bonten!rindou haitani  + *yakuro nanami (oc) .

content and warnings   — mentions of drugs ( yo sanzu ), clubbing, stalker mention, mention(s) of drugging, yelling, angst(?), swearing, and so on.

note  — sorry for the dark content hhhhh, it came with the idea of ackerman being a yakuza that hated bonten and wanted yakuro gone. it may actually be apart of the fic i’m outlining..... these men hold my heart and WILL NOT LET GO OF IT. also they just like dive into my brain 24/7. help i had a fit over what looked best for three hours- at this point i’mma probably make a lil sum’ for sanzu. i love this man and i can’t stop having him appear in my stories that involve bonten. like this guy is 24/7 in the back of my mind.

                                         *Yakuro Nanami.                                            he/they/bun! 

                  Now playing ayanami  — by satin

rindou woke up first to yakuro wearing his bunny ears and a bunny pajama set that he seemed to just slip on before marching into bed. it was cute, but there was still smudges of makeup on his face and the dark circles of terrible inconsistent sleep. rindou sighed, brushing away blonde parts of hair that yakuro was chewing on. 

“yakuro.” rindou lightly pushed yakuro’s shoulder, trying to wake the boy in his semi bunny work attire. “rindou? rindou....” yakuro groaned, his head searched for rindou’s lap or hand that he could lean into. just exist near, to feel his skin and be aware of his warmth, that he was alive and not dead. that he stayed the whole night. “morning doll.” rindou smiled quietly, brushing his fingers over the boy’s hair. 

there was a knock on the door, “come in” as if that was a full offer to entangle himself with the couple he busted through the door and made a running start to jump onto the couple. “HI!” “i don’t do the touching, i’ll sit and pour you your drink and be your personal bunny. please treat the bunny well and we will have no problems. if they bunny feels uncomfortable the bunny has full rights to leave and find a new client. if you understand these rules please enjoy your bunny.”

yakuro stated as if he was at work. it was grilled into his brain and always had to repeat it infront of new clients. working at a bunny suit club was not it, almost rolling over onto sanzu. “bad work day?” “bad work day.” rindou confirmed sanzu’s suspicions with three simple  words. “yaku..” “no.” “yakuuu.” sanzu scooted in between the two, poking yakuro’s cheeks aggressively. he seemed sober, thank god. 

rindou shrugged the mans presence off and trudged to the bathroom to wash and whatnot. “you have another shift, ran told me to wake you up. “that’s not my problem. tell my boss to go fuck himself with a dildo filled with nails.” sanzu’s eyes widened, that was aggressive. although at the same time sorta funny?

“he said he’d cut off your shift times and cut back on how much money you make plus tips.” sanzu repeated what ran had informed him of, with a quite frustrated appearance.  “THAT FUCKER WILL NOT!” raising up from his laying position, yakuro ran into the hallway stumbling here and there from improper pace. 

“i’d love to see him try i swear if he even tries reducing my pay i’ll quit the whole fucking job how about that? i never liked this bullshit bunny shit anyways, it’s annoying when the customers try to touch and then you get stalkers.” yaku was mumbling to hell and back from his bosses call, waving to ran who nodded. making himself a bento before heading off on a small mission.

yaku threw open the washroom door and started searching for his bunny suit attire. the club’s theme was rainbow today so he washed a deep red suit with a black add-on tail and clip on black ears (which were foldable too. yakuro always folds one ear.) when yakuro made it back to his room, sanzu was gone and rindou was crouching near the bottom drawer.

“whatcha lookin for?” yakuro asked curiously, sitting beside the man who made a mess beside him “looking for a red suit now, i’m trying to match with you subtly.” cute- that was the only thinking yaku could think of this man who is a part of a criminal organization/gang. who woulda thought?

“i think you might be better with either a red with black tie or a deeper red of a suit.” yakuro suggested, getting up from his sitting position, joints cracking. “or black would go well, after all i’m only wearing red heel, a red body suit, and red makeup. the rest is black!” yakuro called out to rindou who was still crouched as he exited the room. taking into account his suggestions, he went with a more black with red accents attire.

           ާlocation, bunny palace! ෆ             late night, 11pm.

“here in bunny palace we have many bunnies to suit your taste! male, female, and even those who do not define themselves! run and created by the ackermans.” bunny palace is under the hands of those with the ackerman name. mikasa, the current owner, is softer on us than many. although the music blaring is not something you can get used to.

“hello! i’m moonie! it’s so good to meet you, are you new here?” yakuro was tired, it was about 4 more hours until he shift ended and he was already hungry again. salad’s really don’t fill you up especially when you wolf them down. his feet ached and cried out each time he took another step, he wanted to lay down and use rindou as his personal body pillow.... rindou! ‘i hope he’s okay.’ he thought, placing himself beside the very important client his boss claimed. “oh i am! it’s nice too meet you moonie.”

“it’s so good to meet you too! we have a few rules here that our bunnies tell each new client: i’ll sit and pour you your drink and be your personal bunny. please treat the bunny well and we will have no problems. if they bunny feels uncomfortable the bunny has full rights to leave and find a new client. if you understand these rules please enjoy your bunny. please keep touching to a minimal. do not force your bunny drinks or food. respect your bunny. is that doable?” yakuro asked with big puppy eyes, a big smile, and high pitched voice. “of course!” the customer happily said, hand already on his thigh.

i am SO uncomfortable was all that yaku could think about, his eyes flicking between the customer and each place his gross hands laid upon. squeezing every-so often like it was a pleasuring act for yaku. before he removed the man’s hand, he restrained himself. drawing a large breath before responding to the customer. “i’m so sorry sir! shall i get you something to drink?” yaku pouted, “if you’d like, moonie!” i’m saved.

yakuro smiled and stood up, “why of course! i’ll be right back!” like a breath of relief, he rushed to the staff room. he waved to some girls, “not on stage today moonie?” one asked, a baby stripper new to the bunny palace club. “yeah! boss was all: ‘act cutesy, be close, allow touching this once. there are really important customers here today.’ like thanks for threatening my paycheck and then saying that!”

“oh my, that’s rough babe. ackerman is always like that, it’s like she has a stick up her ass.” one of the older strippers that had been with yakuro since he started chimed in, “you’re right!” yaku chuckled, leaning closer into his vanity mirror to adjust his lipstick and have a chance to message rindou. 

40 missed messages. “i’m so fucked.” “why’s that babe?” “i may have forgot to message rindou telling him ackerman added hours onto my shift.” the room grew tense, “that’s awful? read his messages.” sei suggested, “might cool him off if he’s angry.

“alright!” yaku sighed with a smile, opening the messages. to his surprise, rindou wasn’t angry but instead worried that a client had gotten too touchy and triggered yakuro. after all, ran did inform rindou about the bits and pieces that sanzu did not tell yaku. “whew, i’m good! i’m safe. he’s just worried....” sei and bab took a loud sigh and began laughing. “BUT I’M FUCKED.” “really? that’s great! now go out! your client must be waiting.” 

yup the girls took it that way. “i will! don’t worry don’t worry. i just hope sanzu doesn’t buy the whole club.” “he won’t now go!” sei pushed out yaku who glanced over at the client who finished the previous bottle. his nose was red and was slightly swaying back and forth.

walking up to the bar, yakuro ran into polaris. “polar!” “moonie.” “can you get something for my client? he seems to be a lightweight.” “sure, i’m sure he wouldn’t mind beer.” polar sat down the cup he was wiping back and forth to keep busy.

“the bar isn’t very busy huh?” “oh no, it’s just we got our best girls today dancing and the waitresses and working ten times harder. it works out for both of them and neither of them have to fight each other about unfair pay. tomorrow you’ll be our best so good luck.” polar smiled earnestly to add to the words of encouragement, sliding over the foaming beer over the black marbled counter. 

“thanks! i’ll need it.” turning with the drink in hand, yaku noticed the man’s disgruntled face. he looked as if the whole world was going to blow up and he was watching the countdown. ‘act cutesy, act cutesy, act cutesy.’ it was a constant mantra in his head before he sat down and opened his mouth.

“what could be wrong sir?” yaku felt like rolling his eyes into oblivion, he could care less. “oh it’s just something wrong with the gang.” “oh my, a yakuza?” boring, yaku fake gasped handing over the bear to the angered man. “yeah!” he said pridefully with a chuckle, gulping the drink down and slamming it down. “something about bonten this and that and one of our men died.”

now that’s interesting. yaku felt like walking out to just go see sanzu, it felt like everything was reminding yakuro of him. hell even the purple lights were. but alas he was stuck eyeing the entrance while the man babbled on and on about this whole yakuza shin-dig he was in. he decided to slip off his shoes because the waitresses’ assured the man that they would handle getting drinks.

it felt like hours, drink after drink the world became more hazy. yakuro grew a high tolerance because of his job but he seemed to be losing himself while the client seemed more than sober. “you.. slipped somethin, huh?” the client beside him flinched, clenching onto his bag. “w-what? are you sure you don’t have a low tolerance m-mr. moonie?” the man stammered, through gritted teeth yaku managed to huff out a ‘whatever’.

“miss. ackerman set you up? thought so, the bitch never liked me because i have a bonten member for a partner. guess i’m finally leaving this hellhole. send her my best regards, yeah?” he asked with a agitated tone. his words were laced with threats, raising slowly. “mr. moonie?” “i’m leaving, i want to leave. i have to go see rindou.” he dug the acrylic nails that were done just recently into his thigh. fuck the shoes. 

whatever was in the drink didn’t seem strong but it had yakuro in and out of conscience. the man who was once his client seemed nowhere to be found, leaving a stumbling yaku to himself. sei noticed this and dropped her waiters plate, running over to the bunny who was just about to fall. “MOONIE!” 

          ާlocation, the bonten loft.             early morning, 3am.

blue eyes fluttered open, fighting the urge to close once more. “they’re awake! rindou, they’re all good!” a familiar voice echoed throughout yakuro’s head. his body felt numb, in an attempt to speak he noticed his voice was gone. every one of his senses felt like they were being drowned under water. his eyesight was the only thing that was significantly normal.

though his contacts seemed to be taken off, leaving the blue and purple hues of yaku’s true eye colour roaming free. rindou’s footsteps were heavy and had a quick pace, the vibrations went through the bed. “yaku?” his usual docile purple eyes were filled with worry and anger mixed together, forever burning until yakuro got better.

all the man managed to do was a weak smile, his eyes blinked slowly while he stared at rindou. the two conversed, rindou’s agitation growing as his jaw clenched harder with every muffled word sanzu spoke. “i am very upset sanzu, yakuro was drugged. AGAIN!” “we can’t do anything but sit it out! we don’t even know who it was. rindou you need to calm down.” sanzu too was frustrated beyong belief.

the whole loft was filled with tension that was denser than a brick wall. everyone considered yakuro a part of bonten after two years. he even got a bonten tattoo per mikey’s request. it lays on his right shoulder which he covers up during his job with makeup despite his hatred, it was the only condition ackerman gave him before he could work at bunny palace. ackerman and bonten hated each other, seeing a bonten tattoo at the ackermans would start a war. 

“he’s quitting that job and working at our club. this is the last time i’ll EVER see him like this again.” this wasn’t the first time rindou raised his voice when he was angered by the way yakuro looked in this condition. unable to move, speak, only look plainly at the wall with a weak smile here and there.

it tore him apart from the inside out each time, it did every member living in the loft. finally after whatever happened between those two. sanzu left, rindou left as well but returned with water and began to cuddle the numb and quiet yakuro.

[amindofstone]

I wish(ed)...

a/n: Listen up. I barely know this character but I love him so so much. Like he holds so much power and literally screams SUPERIOR. I love him SO damn much. I kinda have a thing for older male characters. Like they can get me so damn weak!!!!! Anyways I hope you like this.  Bye! <3

Words: 950

Genre: anime imagine?

Warnings: This is going to be a bit sad. Just a bit, I guess. [ + Maybe grammar or spelling mistakes. (I genuinely apologize. English is not my mother tongue and I´m really trying to improve. So please be so kind and have mercy)]

Spoiler(s): none

Character(s): Shanks/Akagami Shanks/ Red Hair

!!! Please do not steal my idea or work. Credit me if this is shared or published in any other platform or any other way. This took me a lot of time. So please respect me as the writer and my work. Picture is not mine. Credits to the rightful owner. If anyone knows who drew this please tell me ASAP so I can give them the credits (found on the internet). !!!

                            -------------------------------------------------------        

I hoped  that one day I'll be able to hold you in my arms and tell you "I love you." without having to hold back tears. I hoped that one day I won't have to go to bed all alone and with an aching heart. Without having to cry myself to sleep while thinking about everything we used to have.

My sobs and my aching heart beats that turnined into a sad lullaby were accompanying me through the lonely nights. Nights I wish you were laying next to me while allowing me to look into your loving face. The face I would love to hold with both of my hands while giving it the soft and passionate kisses I always dream of.

Oh how I wished I could have you in my arms while trying to put my feelings for you into words. How much would I loved to hold you in my arms. Oh how much...

How much would I liked your face to be the last thing I see before I fall asleep. Oh how much would I liked your face to be the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning while leaving the sleep behind that was holding me back from showing you how much I loved you. How much I appreciated you. Oh how much you meant to me.

How much would I liked you to never leave me behind.

The fear of never being able to see you again was eating me alive. The fear of never being able to hear your voice calling my name was eating me alive. The fear of never being able to look you in the eyes while dancing around the house with you humming the melody that was played on our wedding was making me shed tears for days.

I was scared that I'll never be able to hear your laughter again. I'm scared I won't see you laughing over my soft heart like you used to whenever I came back home with a puppy while begging you to keep it.

I was scared that I will never be able to hear you complain about my night shifts in the hospital. I was hurt to death whenever I thought about the words of my mother that used to always remind me of the fact that I will never be able to have the family I always wanted with you. With you, my first and last lover.

I have my doubts. I doubt that this letter of mine will ever be reaching you my beloved Shanks. I doubt that you ever will hear from me ever again. I doubt that you're thinking about me in any way my lover but I can not keep all of this to myself anymore.

I'm tired of the pain in my chest. I'm exhausted by all the tears I shed. I'm done with crying myself to sleep. I can not bear seeing other couples walk around the town with no worries. I can't bear the pain anymore, my dear.

My dear Shanks. My beloved lover. My precious treasure. My lovely husband.

There is no day passing without me thinking about you. Your smile. Your voice, your eyes and your lips. No day is passing in which I do not visit the harbour, the place I meet you for the first time. There is no day passing where I don’t sit at the same bench while imagining how a life would be with you if only you wouldn't be one of the things the world hated and feared the most.

My beloved husband. We might be husband and wife but you rarely were with me. Next to me....

But it's alright. I'm not mad at you. In fact I am happy to know that you are something you genuinely enjoy. I'm glad to know that you are a free and happy man with people around you who are willing to die for you. I'm so happy to know that your are doing fine.

My dear Shanks. Thank you for everything. For every day you spend with me. Thank you for all the love you gave me. Thank you so so much. Even if I would thank you for hundreds of years it wouldn't be enough. Because there is no way I could thank you for the love you gave me.

I was happy. I am happy and forever will be happy for your love and trust. I wish I could tell you all of this and more personally but I can't and will never be able to do that. Because by the time you will see this I won't be found among the living.

My dear Shanks. My beloved husband. No matter what you hear. No matter what you get told. No matter what your mind tells you. None of this is your guilt. You are a good man. A righteous man. There is no way you are the reason why my heart stopped beating. My dear, I had to fight against a tumour that did not seem to let go of me and had to destroy my wish of seeing you one more time. But that's for the past now and has no importance. The only thing that is and shall be important to you is the little gift a left for you.

I am not sure when you will receive my letter but even if it's in a years from now or ten. The little gift will stay were I left it. Hopefully happy and healthy.

Akagami Shanks I will love you and the little gift of mine even in my next life. Forever and always.

In love, your wife.

[ofdragonsdeep]

21: Feckless

The youngest true-born son of House Fortemps had a reputation. Some things were more important.

(HW spoilers, character death mention, m!WoLxHaurchefant)

Night seeped through into the rooms of Fortemps Manor. Alone in his room, not even his manservant for company, Emmanellain de Fortemps sat on his bed, staring down at the letter in his hands as though it were a summons to his own execution.

It hadn’t felt real, when the news had come down from the Vault. His little brother - how long it had taken them both to be comfortable with that moniker, precious years stolen by the pernicious hate that stifled the ruling class - gone. He had watched his father crack and break, seen the glassy-eyed shock still written on the miqo’te’s face, watched Artoirel near biting his lip to keep his composure. For the first time in his life, he had found himself utterly without words, at a loss to make any impact at all.

War came for all of them, in the end. He had seen it in the Haillenartes, crushed by the loss of Chloidebaimt during the Calamity. Watched Lanaiatte give herself to the life of the soldier in hopes of recompense, felt the terror that she, too, would be lost. For all that he and Haurchefant had bickered, he recognised the skill his brother had possessed, skill he felt himself lacking. What had happened with the Vanu at the Sea of Clouds had left him trembling in terror, unable to so much as raise his voice in protest. By the Fury, it was cruel to take the competent ones. Would they have missed him? Would his father have broken down to tears at the news of his death? Would it have felt like a hole in the fabric of their family to lose the wastrel, the second-born, the backup son? His father had not loved his mother like he had Haurchefant’s, another failing of the way their society bent them out of shape. Would it have mattered?

He blinked back the tears, looking back down to the letter in his hand, feeling the sadness settle like a pit in his stomach. Haurchefant had given it to him before Ar’telan and his friends had left for Dravania to challenge Nidhogg. He had questioned it at the time - why him, and not the ever reliable Artoirel? Why even write something so grim as a letter intended to be delivered from the grave? Surely with allies so strong and a cause so just, death would not, could not claim them.

Haurchefant had been carefree about so many things, but this was too important to leave to chance. Emmanellain could not even fathom being in such a situation - loving someone so deeply that you left them an elegy in the wake of your death. But here he was, with a letter to deliver that he wished with all his heart he had never received.

---

He walked the short distance to his brother’s room - no need to put a qualifier on it now, horrible as the thought was - and knocked. Artoirel opened it, looking remarkably composed in the face of all that had happened, and blinked at him in surprise.

“Emmanellain. Is Honoroit not with you?”

“No. I… I sent him away. Can we talk?”

Artoirel paused, a pained look crossing his face. Whether it was for the prospect of talking to him at all or the inevitable subject matter, Emmanellain could not say.

“Of course. Come in,” he said eventually, stepping aside to give Emmanellain room to pass. Artoirel’s room was a neat and tidy affair, a far cry from Emmanellain’s own, presenting the precise picture of a responsible heir to any who might care to look. Which, if he understood his brother’s proclivities correctly, was exactly nobody but the manor staff.

“Sit,” Artoirel said, gesturing to the chair at his dresser. Emmanellain did so, shifting the envelope uncomfortably between his fingers as Artoirel returned to his bed and sat upon it. “There was nothing you could have done…” he began, before frowning as he noted the letter. “What is this about?” he said instead, and Emmanellain sighed.

“He gave me this. Haurchefant,” he said, the name difficult to say aloud. “He wanted me to keep it… Just in case. It’s… for Ar’telan.” Artoirel inhaled sharply, the magnitude of the weight Emmanellain now carried clear to him.

“I see,” he said, a simple statement that meant so much. “Perhaps it is best that you hold on to it a while, then. Ar’telan and his companions have already set out for the Sea of Clouds, and intend to pursue the Archbishop beyond it. I do not know how long it will be until they return, but I… I suspect he will be in a better place to receive it when he does.” His gaze went from the letter up to Emmanellain’s face. “Have you read it?”

“No!” Emmanellain protested. “I enjoy listening to gossip, not spreading it. Besides, they already had to deal with so much.” He ran his fingers across the envelope. “I know it’s not just a letter. But Haurchefant didn’t tell me anything else, and I did not think to ask.” Artoirel seemed surprised by the revelation that Emmanellain was capable of respecting anyone’s privacy, but nodded his head regardless.

“Reasonable,” he allowed. “I will go with you, if you wish. To deliver it.” Emmanellain swallowed down the lump in his throat, refusing to cry in front of his brother of all people. As if he hadn’t done that enough in his life so far.

“I would like that,” he said, voice cracking a little under the strain. “I wanted… not to think about it. As if it would go away. But it won’t. So I have to…” Artoirel walked over, placed a comforting hand atop Emmanellain’s own.

“There is no ‘I’, Emmanellain. Perhaps our history would not suggest it, but we have each other yet. We shall stand together, though the memories still hurt. Come and find me when you are ready.” Emmanellain nodded, wordlessly holding out the letter. Artoirel took it, for a moment, felt the weight of the ring that rested within the envelope. With a sigh on his lips, he passed it back.

“It was entrusted to you,” he said. “Keep it. I know you will not lose something so important as this.”

---

Victory was not the joyful fanfares and cheering in the streets that Emmanellain had come to expect from the history books. Uncertainty hung over the city-state like a death shroud, the dull clouds casting a bitter pall across the sky. Eorzea’s Warrior of Light had returned in apparent triumph, but he had not worn a smile on his face, and only a chosen few had been there to receive him. In the aftermath, he had returned to Fortemps Manor like a stray cat, seeking the comfort of familiarity in his uncertainty, but distancing himself from them all the same.

Emmanellain had seen him sat out in the gazebo next to the manor’s walls, ignoring the pot of tea that bubbled merrily on the constant fire there. His eyes looked out across the street at nothing at all, his body moving only to move the warmth back into his extremities. Emmanellain watched him from the window, nervously waiting for Honoroit to return with Artoirel and feeling like a peeping tom.

“You mean to give it to him, then,” Artoirel’s voice cut in, startling him from his impromptu vigil.

“Yes. Do you think…?” he asked, uncertain, and Artoirel sighed.

“It is your decision. What do you think?” he replied, and Emmanellain turned back to the window, biting his lip unhappily.

“I don’t think there will ever be a good time,” he said. “But now seems as well as any. I know that Father worries about him.” Artoirel made a noise of acknowledgement, glancing out of the window himself.

“For all Ishgard has cost him, it is a wonder he can bear to be back here at all,” he said voice quiet. “Let us go, then. On your mark.”

---

The miqo’te stirred from his reverie as they approached him, looking up at them before averting his eyes back to his knees, a deep and abiding sadness written onto his features. Still Emmanellain marvelled at just how short he was, only beating Honoroit by a head despite being old enough to be the boy’s father. He held himself with a quiet grief now, his shortness of stature not stymying the depth of his heart.

“Ar’telan. Um, do you have a moment?” Emmanellain asked. The miqo’te nodded, once, and with notable effort shifted his gaze onto the three of them. “I… I have something for you,” he said, which felt like it barely did justice to it, but it was all the words he had. “I… It… From Haurchefant.”

The sound of the name struck the warrior like a mortal blow, a fleeting moment of agony on his face. He regained his composure with remarkable speed, though, raising his hands to sign a simple thank you at him, reaching out to take the letter. His fingers were cold, Emmanellain thought, showing the time that he had spent outside to his detriment. Still, Artoirel put a hand on Emmanellain’s shoulder, the two of them sitting on the wooden benches of the gazebo and waiting in quiet understanding.

Ar’telan opened the envelope with reverent care, sliding the letter from it and reading it with careful eyes. Haurchefant had told Emmanellain much of Ar’telan - had told anyone who would listen, really. Emmanellain knew he had learned to read Eorzea’s moon runes from an old copy of the Enchiridion, to better understand the faith of the Fury. Emmanellain could see the need for him to follow the marks with his fingers, though he did not, held back by a sense of propriety. It reminded Emmanellain of teaching Honoroit his letters, after they had first met in the Crozier so many moons ago. Though he did not crane his head to read the text, as he might once have done if he passed unnoticed by another noble’s eyes, he could tell even from their distance that Haurchefant had kept his letters neat, rather than the rushing script he had preferred. Their father had opined his messiness, his lackadaisy attitude the one flaw their sire could find in his youngest son. Emmanellain’s late mother had found far more flaws in him, not least of which was his very existence, and it brought the sorrow back too keenly to think on it overlong.

Eyes read the final paragraph. Re-read it. With shivering fingers - surely it was the cold, or so Emmanellain would say to anyone who thought to ask - Ar’telan reached back into the envelope, and drew out the ring.

It was a simple little thing, made of spruce wood and polished til the varnish gleamed in the light of the fire. Ar’telan stared at it for a long time, long enough for the wind to fill the silence left in the wake, then slid it over his finger. A perfect fit, of course - Haurchefant would have accepted no less, Emmanellain knew. The void he had left behind yawned like a chasm between them, this small, quiet man for whom he had given everything, and the family he had left behind.

“I know that you have found it hard. The Fury knows we all have,” Emmanellain said, jolting Ar’telan from his trance. “But you need not run from us. Haurchefant wanted you to be a part of our family, and it would be cruel to refuse you now.” Ar’telan’s eyes went from the letter, to the ring on his finger, to the three of them, sitting uncomfortably around the paltry warmth the fire pit provided. He swallowed, and for a moment it looked like he might cry.

“...Thank you,” he signed eventually. The letter went back into its envelope, then disappeared into one of the miqo’te’s multitudinous pockets. His fingers twisted the ring uncomfortably, a curious hand going to his neck, then back to his lap.

“My brother speaks true,” Artoirel said. “Though I have not read his words, I know our brother would not have asked for your hand without our father’s blessing. He worries for you.” He shook his head then, stamping his feet on the ground to try and stir the blood in them. “Grief is not easy. It is a road with no end, a wound without succor. But though our paths are different, we can walk them beside each other.” Ar’telan closed his eyes, a single tear falling down his dark skin to land upon the envelope in his hands.

“Am I not a reminder to you? Of everything you have lost?” he asked, fingers shaking. Emmanellain shook his head.

“No. You are a memory of all we had,” he disagreed. “I know that our father would agree. You are welcome here.” He held out a hand, and Ar’telan opened his eyes, looking between the three of them uncertainly.

“If you would have me,” he allowed, reaching out to take it. Emmanellain seized the opportunity, pulling the miqo’te from his sitting position and into a hug, getting a rare yelp of surprise and dismay from the smaller man for his troubles.

“Emmanellain…” Artoirel said, shaking his head in despair. Ar’telan wriggled free, straightening his robes with his tail swishing cautiously behind his back. Emmanellain offered him a grin, unrepentant.

“That’s the spirit!” he said, getting to his feet. “Let’s get back inside. The night is wicked cold at this time of year.” Ar’telan looked between them, ventured the smallest of smiles, and nodded in agreement.

[waywardodysseys]

Eight Days of Christmas - Day 6

Christmastime is Here

Pairing: Ransom Drysdale x female reader

Warnings: cussing

Summary: Your eleventh Christmas with Ransom Drysdale.

Day 1 / Day 2 / Day 3 / Day 4 / Day 5

(divider by @firefly-graphics​)

You walk through Faneuil Hall with your two-year-old son, Oliver, trying to find the perfect gift for Ransom, who happens to be shopping as well. The two of you deciding to come down to the famed marketplace to enjoy one of your holiday traditions with your son. The marketplace is extravagantly decorated with holiday décor as Christmas music filters through the speakers and the smell of gingerbread cookies and roasted chestnuts drift through the air. Christmastime is here and the frenzied crowd’s milling about, trying to find the perfect gift for whoever they are shopping for.

You and Oliver have been weaving through the crowd, going into various stores. Most of them were for Oliver to look at the toys or some clothes. You had taken him into a store, showing him a few things, his father might like. “What do you think, Oli?” you inquire.

“Daddy has sweaters. Anda clothes. What ‘bout toy?”

“This is for your dad, not you.” you answer and receive a frown in return. “What about a watch? Hmmm? Or maybe something for the Beamer?”

“We could get ‘m a new car!”

You laugh, “Your dad would be a horrendous Grinch for the rest of his days if we got rid of the Beamer.” Along with me. Because there were still times you and Ransom took the silver car out when enjoying a night out on the town and the two of you ended up getting down and dirty in the car before making it into the house. It was also where you and Ransom did the deed for the first time because you couldn't help yourself when he pulled up to his house all those years ago on the fourth date.

“Momma!” Oli’s voice brings you out of your memories. You turn to find your son ogling some high ultra tech drones. You walk over to him and crouch down to his level. “I’m sure he’ll let you play with it, but know it’s your father’s toy not yours.”

Oli nods his head in response, too engrossed in looking at the pricey mechanical devices. You smile as you stand and begin talking to the retail associate.

*

Half an hour later you are walking back through the marketplace, holding Oli’s hand. Soon you’d meet Ransom for lunch, and he’d take Oliver for a couple of hours while you looked for a gift for Ransom from yourself. Currently, no doubt, he was probably overthinking a gift for you or one of his family members. He had always been prepared for this day but knew he had to outdo the gifts of the previous year.

“Momma?” Oli questions from below.

“Yes?” You stop and look down at him. 

“Where’s daddy?” He looks up at you with tiredness in his eyes. 

You reach down and pick him up. “He’s shopping for Grandma Linda, Grandpa Richard. And the rest of his family.” You and Ransom had agreed when you were first married he’d buy all their gifts because he’d know what they want and like then you wrapped them and placed both of your names under the ‘from’ on the tag. You had been doing the same for your own family. It worked out perfectly every time. 

“Nana? Papa?”

He’s referring to your parents. “I will be shopping for them after we meet daddy for lunch.”

“I hungry!”

You cuddle him into your chest as your stomach growls. “Me too. How about we find a place to eat? Huh? I’ll let him know where we are, okay?”

He nods his head and buries his head in the crook of your neck. He whispers, “Otay.”

-------

You and Oliver are sitting inside Anthem Kitchen and Bar, which is near Faneuil Hall. You had texted Ransom where you were heading and he responded immediately, telling you he was finishing up at a store and would join you shortly.

“There’s my beautiful family,” Ransom remarks as he approaches you. He places a brief kiss on your lips then places a kiss on Oliver’s head. “How are my two favorite people?” he inquires as he places his bags down and takes a seat.

“Hungry!” Oliver boasts. “Momma say I canna have burger or chicken sticks.”

You laugh and shrug, “Close enough. Though I did say chicken tenders.”

Ransom smiles, “Whatever you want, buddy.” Ransom reaches under the table and finds your hand and squeezes it. “Something’s on your mind. What is it?”

You watch Oli scribble on a coloring sheet then glance at your husband. “Our son made me reminisce about a particular silver car.”

One of Ransom’s brows pops up, “I can call my mom. Have her watch Oli tonight.” He leans in closer to you and cups your cheek. “I’d love to take you for a spin. As well as the car.” Your cheeks are hot as Ransom chuckles. “Any specific moment you were thinking about sweetheart?”

You swallow. Happy your husband still knows how to keep things lively no matter what the occasion is. “Our fourth date.”

Ransom moans under his breath, “You couldn't keep your hands off me that night. And I think it was because you had agreed to it on the fourth date because you declined me on the first one.”

“I wasn't about to let you get what you truly wanted on the first date.”

“Well, I did get to second base with you that night.”

“Ransom!” you hiss as you giggle.

“You in trouble daddy!” Oli exclaims.

Ransom pulls back and looks at Oli. “I know I am. But I think she’ll forgive me later.” He winks at his son. Oli smiles widely and laughs. 

The server appears seconds later, and three lunch orders are given. They disappear again and are not seen until lunch is brought out and placed on the table. 

After lunch is over, Ransom, you, and Oliver walk back out into the chilly winter air. A now fed Oliver is bursting at the seams, ready to shop with his father.

“What we buyin’ momma?” Oli inquires as Ransom scoops him up into his arms.

“We gotta discuss it when she’s not around Oli.” Ransom leans over and presses a kiss to your lips. They linger for a minute before he pulls away. “Couple of hours? And I’ll call my mom about watching Oli.”

“Grandmama Linda? She’s here?”

Ransom shakes his head, “Not here. Maybe she’ll watch you tonight while your mom and I shop for you.”

You shake your head and laugh at Ransom’s lame excuse to cover him and you are having a date night. Which included the Beamer and possibly reenacting your fourth date. You lean over and kiss Oli’s cheek then place a kiss on Ransom’s lips. “That should be enough time.” You look between the two of them and your heart swells. “Take care of one another.”

“We will,” Ransom and Oli respond in unison. 

“I love you.”

“I love you.” “Love you momma.” Ransom and Oli respond at the same time. 

You turn and make your way back towards Faneuil Hall while Ransom looks at his son and inquires, “What shall we get her?”

Oliver shrugs. “I don’t know.”

“Makeup? Jewelry?”

“She already beautiful daddy. She dontna need that.”

Ransom laughs, “No she doesn't. I got lucky with her, you got lucky too having her as your mom.” He pauses, “What about a new purse?  She loves her handbags.”

-------

Hours later, wrapping paper, gift bags, and tissue paper are strewn about the kitchen island and table as you and Ransom wrap presents. Oliver had fallen asleep on the car ride home and thankfully, Ransom had gotten him into the house and up to his room without him waking up while you unloaded the car with dozens of shopping bags. Both you and Ransom then grabbed the wrapping supplies and set up shop in the kitchen.

“Did you peak?” Ransom now inquires as he tries to wrap a box.

“I did not,” you respond, “you always hide it.” You pause, “Or maybe you always buy my gift last minute.”

“I do not. I’ve learned over the years to buy early. You know I still hate the frenzied crowds and the mad drivers. All of them fucking assholes.”

You laugh, “There’s my Grinch.”

Ransom grins, “A couple more weeks and Santa gets to visit.”

“I’ll be ready. As always.” You look over at him. “You called Linda?”

“Yes. She’ll be over at six to pick Oli up. Says he can spend the night too.”

You snort, “She rarely wants him to spend the night.” Then a realization hit you. “Please don't tell me you told her we--”

“I told her no such thing. She said something about taking him to brunch tomorrow with my dad and the three of them could go do something afterwards. Knows what it’s like to have a young boy at his age, knows his parents want some quiet.”

“I’ll have to make sure to get her something else along with what you bought her.” You see Ransom shrug. “It’ll be from me, big spender.”

Ransom sighs, “I just don't get why we can't draw names. There’s a dozen of us now.”

“You know Harlan likes tradition. He’ll never cave into that.”

Ransom curses under his breath. “I also hate wrapping. Why can't everything go in a gift bag? Or better yet the volunteers at the marketplace could’ve wrapped ‘em.”

“We always wrap our own Ransom. Besides, I think, you’ll enjoy unwrapping your gift this year.”

Ransom’s brows shoot up. “Yours, or Oli’s?”

You shrug nonchalantly and don't answer as you begin to wrap another present.

“Sweetheart, come on,” Ransom whines while he makes his way towards you. He pulls up a chair next to you and sits down. One of his hands travels up your leg while the other pushes some hair aside. He dips his head down and nips at your neck. 

“Ransom,” you whisper as you look at your husband, who’s giving you sad puppy eyes. 

“Y/N,” Ransom murmurs before he sweeps his mouth against yours.

Seconds tick by in silence until a squeaky voice states: “Eeewwww.”

You and Ransom jump apart then laugh. Ransom squeezes your leg. “Wait till you’re in your teens Oli. It won't be ‘ew’ then.”

“His teens?”

Ransom rolls his eyes as he places Oli in his lap, “You’ll always be a momma’s boy Oli. So, no kissing until you're in your thirties.”

“Girls are eeewwww.” Oli makes a disgusting face then looks at you and smiles brightly, “But not momma. She pretty. Right daddy?”

Ransom chuckles, “The prettiest girl in the world.”

You laugh, “Thanks Oli. I love you too.” You watch Ransom’s face drop then reach out and stroke his cheek. “And you.”

“Grandmama Linda here yet?” Oli asks as he looks at Ransom. Oli rubs his eyes, still sleepy and worn out from the day.

Ransom shakes his head. “Not yet. We still gotta finish wrapping gifts. Wanna help?”

“But I won'tna be able to see what you gotta me and I wanna know whatta you gotta me.” Oli whines.

Ransom chuckles. “Well, your mom and I are shopping tonight and will wrap it later. Besides, it's a gift, Oli. You aren't supposed to know what it is until Christmas morning.”

“Otay.” he sighs in defeat.

The rest of the afternoon and into the evening, before the doorbell rings at six, the three of you wrap gifts in the kitchen. Not caring if they are wrapped perfectly, or unnecessary amounts of tape is used. Not worrying about Oli trying to write people’s names crookedly or illegible on the gift tags or even writing his own under the ‘from’ section on it along with your’s and Ransom’s name too. 

All you care about is spending time with the two men of your life, enjoying the holiday season with them. Knowing these are part of the traditions you had grown up with and had been sharing with Ransom and now with your son. 

[luthienne]

Hi ! I was wondering if you had quotes / thoughts about feeling lost in life, when nothing feels right and choices have to be made even though they all feel like lukewarm water when you wanted a hot bath. That feeling of losing a sense of grounding and not seeing the direction in which to move. thank you xx

(I’ve been wanting to compile this from the moment I received your ask in my inbox. I know the feeling intimately, and I love the way you articulated it. Hope any of these quotes resonate w what you were looking for xx)

“What shall we do my darling, when trial grows more, and more, when the dim, lone light expires, and it’s dark, so very dark, and we wander, and know not where, and cannot get out of the forest…”

—Emily Dickinson, Selected Letters

“She had never figured out how to figure things out. She was only vaguely beginning to know the kind of absence she had of herself inside her.”

—Clarice Lispector, The Hour of the Star (tr. Benjamin Moser)

“But as it is / I lack myself.”

—Anne Carson, Grief Lessons; “Herakles”

“Even now I can’t explain. Something happened, a kind of earthquake that shook everything and I lost faith and touch with everybody.”

—Katherine Mansfield, Letters of Katherine Mansfield

“She felt suddenly as if she were a ghost in her own life—”

—Catherynne M. Valente, The Orphan’s Tales: In the Night Garden

“I hate seeing myself dissolve and slip and separate so that I’m living in one half of my mind, and I see the other half of me helpless and frantic and driven and I can’t stop it, but I know I’m not really going to be hurt and yet time is so long and even a second goes on and on and I could stand any of it if I could only surrender—”

—Shirley Jackson, The Haunting of Hill House

“It makes me tremble. (…) To think back. I remember exactly how I thought life would be.”

—Anne Carson, The Beauty of the Husband

Emily Dickinson, “I felt a Funeral in my Brain”

“and I didn’t care / and I was alone / and there had been war / and that thing (my soul) / was a lost star / or a lost boat / adrift,”

—H.D., Child Poems: “Dedication” 

“She had a perpetual sense (…), of being out, out, far out to sea and alone; she always had the feeling that it was very, very dangerous to live even one day.”

—Virginia Woolf, Mrs Dalloway 

“You know the feeling? One lies in a kind of daze, feeling so sensitive—so unbearably sensitive to the exterior world and longing for something ‘lovely’ to happen.”

—Katherine Mansfield, Letters of Katherine Mansfield

“I don’t care a bit—about anything—I just seem to be asleep and can’t wake up—”

—Georgia O’Keeffe, Art and Letters of Georgia O’Keeffe

“Life is what happens to someone else; / I stand on the sidelines and wring my hands.”

—Lisel Mueller, Waving from Shore

“…it is a little thing to say how lone it is — anyone can do it, but to wear loneliness next to your heart for weeks, when you sleep, and when you wake, ever missing something, this, all cannot say, and it baffles me.”

—Emily Dickinson, Selected Letters

“My life now is a dream too, semi-detached, and seems to happen to somebody else.”

—Martha Gellhorn, from Selected Letters

“I don’t know—I don’t know anything. There is no one here I can talk to—it’s all like a bad dream.”

—Georgia O’Keeffe, Art and Letters of Georgia O’Keeffe

“…she does not know whom she wishes to catch, only that she wishes to catch someone, anyone, to be anchored, to be connected, to not be abandoned.”

—Catherynne M. Valente, Deathless

“I had lost my true rhythm. But what was my true rhythm?”

—Anaïs Nin, The Diary of Anaïs Nin: Vol 1, 1931-1934 

“People kept saying It’s only a matter of time so I persevered in the hope they weren’t lying. At the same time beginning to think I might’ve been lying to myself. Wasting everyone’s time with fantasies of this career I couldn’t have. The person I could never be. There was just so much rejection and not enough of me. I got so afraid. And I lost my nerve—”

—Eimear McBride, The Lesser Bohemians

—Denise Levertov, Life in the Forest; “A Daughter (I)”

“I’m not lost. Or not lost much. Lonely. It is that and … I don’t know what to do. So I move. And cars move. And it’s almost life.”

—Eimear McBride, The Lesser Bohemians 

“What prevents you? The future. The future tense, / immense as outer space. / You could get lost there. / No. Nothing so simple. The past, its density / and drowned events pressing you down, / like sea water—”

—Margaret Atwood, “Up”

“What is there to say? I became physically ill. It was as if I had fallen into space and hung there while life passed me by.”

—Boris Pasternak, Letters Summer 1926: Pasternak, Tsvetaeva, Rilke

“And nothing else happens. The days go by, lost, wasted, and I have no drive to write, no words come… And I grow more and more solitary.”

—Martha Gellhorn, Selected Letters

“I cannot write anymore, dears. Though it is many nights, my mind never comes home.”

—Emily Dickinson, Selected Letters

“As time goes by, especially in the last few years, I’ve lost the knack of being a person. I no longer know how one is supposed to be. And an entirely new kind of ‘solitude of not belonging’ has started invading me like ivy on a wall.”

—Clarice Lispector, Why This World: A Biography of Clarice Lispector 

“There’s a loss of personality. / Or rather, you’ve lost touch with the person / You thought you were. / You no longer feel quite human.”

—T.S. Eliot, The Cocktail Party

“My wings are cut and I can-not fly I can-not fly I can-not fly.”

—Katherine Mansfield, Letters of Katherine Mansfield

“Me, as ever, gone.”

—Anne Carson, Decreation; “Despite her Pain, Another Day”

“…and I am out with lanterns, looking for myself.”

—Emily Dickinson, Letters

“…why this doubt that I have about everything I do, this void that frightens me, all these lost illusions?”

—Gustave Flaubert, Intimate Notebook 1840-1841

“What I fear I avoid. What I fear I pretend does not exist. What I fear is quietly killing me. Would there were a festival for my fears, a ritual burning of what is coward in me, what is lost in me. Let the light in before it is too late.”

—Jeanette Winterson, “The Green Man” 

“Around. Around. There / should have been / a lesson somewhere.”

—Louise Glück, “The Game”

“Only occasionally do I find I have to break my peace: shout or be lost in the shuffle. But mostly I am lost in the shuffle.”

—Barbara Kingsolver, The Poisonwood Bible

“Things went wrong. She lost confidence. She became apprehensive in crowds. I recognize how that she was feeling then as I feel now. Invisible on the street.”

—Joan Didion, Blue Nights

“She had the oddest sense of being herself invisible; unseen; unknown;”

—Virginia Woolf, Mrs Dalloway

“You might not remember me, dears. I cannot recall myself. I thought I was strongly built, but this stronger has undermined me.”

—Emily Dickinson, Selected Letters

“I have no world to go back into, or to go forward into. Because these years have cut me away from many things – from everything: not only materially, but also mentally, spiritually.”

—Martha Gellhorn, Selected Letters

—Rita Dove, “The Venus of Willendorf”

“…for we are in such fragile skin, so close to getting lost in the in-between.”

—Eimear McBride, The Lesser Bohemians

“I do not want revenge, I do not want expiation. / I only want to ask someone / how I was lost, / how I was lost,”

—Margaret Atwood, “Owl Song”

“I felt as if the sky was torn off my life. I had no home in goodness anymore.”

—Anne Carson, “The Glass Essay”

“Let it be over, she pleaded within herself. Let it never have happened—any of it. Let me be young again, and the story just starting.”

—Catherynne M. Valente, Deathless

“The ultimate fantasy: the recovery of an irrecoverable past. But if I could daydream about an invented happy future…”

—Susan Sontag, As Consciousness Is Harnessed to Flesh

“Tell me what’s the difference / between hope and waiting / because my heart doesn’t know / It constantly cuts itself on the glass of waiting / It constantly gets lost in the fog of hope”

—Anna Kamienska, Astonishments

—Denise Levertov, To Stay Alive

“I long to—ah, so much!! If that were possible I’d get back to my spirit.”

—Katherine Mansfield, Selected Letters

“I told my Soul to sing— / She said her Strings were snapt—”

—Emily Dickinson, Complete Poems; “The first Day’s Night had come,”

“Surely it is a privilege to approach the end / still believing in something.”

—Louise Glück, Averno; “October”

“There is a wild raging river flowing inside of me. I can’t dam it. I’m hurt so badly. Believe me—oh shit! Believe, believe—what’s there to believe anymore?”

— Henry Miller, A Literate Passion

“And life tasteless. And so eager, so eager that I should accomplish a miracle. People always expect miracles.”

—Anaïs Nin, A Literate Passion

“I want to be filled with longing again / till dark burn marks show on my skin. I want to be written again / in the Book of Life, to be written every single day / till the writing hand hurts.”

—Yehuda Amichai,“I Walked Past a House Where I Lived Once,”

“I want / my heart back / I want to feel everything again—”

—Louise Glück, Averno; “Blue Rotunda”

[kyouxa]

Diabolik lovers Lunatic Parade: Date with Mukami

Please no reposting onto other sites, and please ask me before translating this into another language! Loving the Mukami family hours! (´-ω-`)

Place: Mukami mansion — Living room

Yui: (Ah… these clothes are really cute. They’re fashionable even when walking around the mountains…)

(I guess mountain climbing is still popular after all)

(Hey, the trend this year is—)

???: M Neko-chan! What are you reading?

Yui: Ah, Kou-kun! I was just reading a fashion magazine which was released this month.

Kou: Ehh, show me!

Oh! Isn’t this a magazine with one of my interviews in it?

Yui: Huh, is it?

...Ah, you’re right! It’s amazing that Kou-kun has his own special feature on page five… !

Kou: Fufu, thank you.

So what? What page did M Neko-chan look at that she didn’t even noticed mine?

Yui: Uhh… I’m sorry.

Kou: Fufu, just joking. Can I look at it too?

Yui: Yes, of course!

Kou: Hmm, is camping trendy this year? Speaking of which, maybe someone was saying that on a site?

I’ve never been camping before, but it seems nice to me.

Have you ever been camping, M Neko-chan?

Yui: Eh? Hmm… does a school event in the past count as that?

Kou: Ehh! You’ve serious been there!? You’re lucky!

You can only go camping in the woods, right?

It seems like climbing mountains would get you tired, but sometimes it’s nice to go out in the nature too!

Ruki: You seem to have fun.

Azusa: You two… what are you talking about?

Yui: Oh, everyone… !

Kou: She just told me that camping seems to be a lot of fun.

And it’s fashionable this year!

Yuma: Camping? Come to think of it, I’ve never been doin’ that before.

Azusa: Hey, Eve what do you normally do when you are camping… ?

Yui: Hmm… everyone cooks together and then they maybe play at the river… something like that… 

Yuma: Aren’t these the same things you could do at home tho? Is it really that much fun?

Ruki: Those are activities you usually do in the nature… is there any real pleasure in doing them?

Yui: Yes, I do think so.

You would do everything yourselves, so I think you guys might be able to deepen your relationship together like this...

Yuma: Ah, so that’s how it works.

Azusa: In that case… I too, want to go camping.

Kou: I want to go too! Hey, Ruki-kun. Let’s go camping all together!

Ruki: Hm… maybe doing that kind of thing won’t be bad for us.

Shall we go doing so next weekend then?

Kou: Yay!

Azusa: Ruki… thank you… I’m looking forward to it… Eve.

Yui: Eh… am I going with you together?

(Although it’s a really long trip, wouldn’t they feel like I’m a bother if I went with them… ?)

Yuma: What are you saying? You were the one who got us hyped up to go camping, didn’t ya?

If it wasn’t because of you we wouldn’t even be talking right now.

Kou: He’s right. M Neko-chan is obviously supposed to go together with us!

Or is it… that you’d hate going with us… ?

Yui: N-No… ! That’s not true!

Kou: Then M Neko-chan needs to join in! That’s fine, right Ruki-kun?

Ruki: Yes, I don’t mind. In addition… I know that Kou is the type to be in high spirits.

Which means it would be safer if there were two leaders.

Kou: Ah, Ruki-kun, you’re treating me as if I’m a problematic child! That’s mean!

It’s normal to be in high spirits because of that! It’s the first time all of us are going camping together after all…

Yui: (I’m seriously going camping with everyone… I’m so excited!)

Ruki: Since it’s decided, we now need to prepare ourselves.

Azusa: Eve… what should we do to prepare ourselves for going camping… ?

Yui: Hmm… when I went there… we first of all made a list of belongings and put them on a guidebook.

Ah, that’s it! How about making a guidebook for this camp too?

I think it sounds like fun to write down what you want to do there… !

Yuma: It would be fun you say… I probably can’t do that. I’m not really good at doing such detailed work.

Ruki: Then let’s make one together. If you have something in mind that you want to do, speak up.

Kou: It’s getting all serious now. I’m seriously excited about it!

Azusa: Yes… I am… excited too... I want to go as soon as possible…

Place: Shopping mall

Yui: (Today we all came together to buy what we need for going camping…)

Ruki: —Okay, you guys. As I noted in the bookmark, each of you can bring up 200 yen for sweets.

I don’t accept anyone even exceeding 1 yen. Please think carefully before buying something.

Kou: Yesss. But who decided that the maximum amount will be 200 yen?

Ruki: I heard that there is an upper limit on the amount of sweets you can bring while traveling. Isn’t that right? Livestock.

Yui: Uhh… yes… that’s right…

(When I talked about when I went camping for the first time, Ruki-kun was surprisingly excited...)

(I didn’t expect it to be 200 yen but that’s okay…)

Kou: I wonder what kind of sweets I should buy. I’ll go and look at the shelf over there!

*Kou runs off*

Ruki: Hey, Kou! ...Haa... good grief, I should write down that I should keep their group behavior in mind as well…

I’ve got no other choice. I’ll have to leave you alone for a moment.

*Ruki leaves*

Yui: (Ruki-kun just left…)

Yuma and Azusa-kun, have you decided which sweets you’d like to buy?

Yuma: Yes, I already bought them.

Yui: Oh, really… !? That was quick…

What about you, Azusa-kun?

Azusa: Oh…

Yui: What’s wrong?

Azusa: ...I need 50 yen…

Yui: (Wow… Azusa-kun’s basket has many sweets in it…)

(50 yen… Ruki-kun said that they shouldn’t even exceed 1 yen…)

Yuma: Ah? What’s it, if that’s so… here.

I have some left over, so that’ll do it.

Azusa: Eh… are you sure… ?

Yuma: Yea. I didn’t buy that much anyway. If I’ve got some excess, it will do it for you, Azusa.

Azusa: Yuma… thank you.

Yuma: ...Still, do you really like candy that much?

Azusa: Hmh… that’s not the case…

It’s the guidebook Ruki made… “mutual trade is important” was written in there too…

That’s why I thought I should buy a lot of sweets, so I could share them with everyone…

Is that… bad… ?

Yuma: Nah, it’s not bad at all. I’m pretty sure Ruki would say something nice once he figures out.

Azusa: Is that so… I hope he will…

Yui: (Fufu… Yuma and Azusa-kun are both so kind hearted)

Well then, I’ll go and look for Ruki and Kou-kun.

Yuma: ‘Kay. Once Azusa and I are done with shopping we’ll join ya’all again.

Azusa: Eve… see you later…

*time passed*

Yui: (Hmmm… where could Ruki and Kou-kun be…)

???: Ehh, but I want this!

???: It’s useless and a waste.

Yui: (Eh… ? These voices…)

Ruki-kun! Kou-kun!

Kou: Ah, M Neko-chan! Right in time!

Yui: Eh, what’s wrong?

Kou: Listen, Ruki-kun is so cruel to me!

I want to buy this saucepan over there, but Ruki-kun won’t let me do so.

Yui: (Oh… it’s a really big one…)

Ruki: We don’t need such a big one, how should we carry it to the mountains anway? Besides, the price is way too high.

Kou: I can take care of that!

Ruki: I won‘t allow you to.

Kou: Hmmm…

Yui: Kou-kun, what would you do with this pot then?

Kou: I’d obviously make Vongole Bianco! It would be my first time eating it in the nature!

Ruki: Haa… I’ve heard that excuse before already.

Yui: Ah… is that so...

Um, Kou-kun. It’s not an usual thing to make pasta while camping…

Kou: Ehh, really!? I can’t change it then… I’ll give up on it…

Instead of that, today’s dinner should be Vongole!

Ruki: Okay… that‘s fine with me.

Kou: Yay! Then let‘s hurry up and go home!

*Kou leaves*

Ruki: Wait! Kou… ! Haa… good grief.

I can’t help it, let’s follow him as well.

Yui: Yes!

*time passed*

Ruki: Now that we’re all together again, let’s make our way home.

Yui: Ah…

Azusa: What’s wrong… Eve… ?

Yui: Hm… I just forgot that I had something I wanted to buy too…

Kou: Should we go back there together?

Yui: No, thanks! It was just a little thing so it‘s fine! I’ll go back on my own, be right back!

*Yui runs off*

Yuma: …..

...Ah, since we’re gonna go camping why don’t we prepare something special?

Azusa: Something… special… ?

Ruki: What are the ideas you have?

Yuma: I didn’t really think of anything specific so far…

Kou: Ah! Well then, how about making a surprise for M Neko-chan?

We could express our daily gratitude like this.

Yuma: Surprising her… sounds good!

Azusa: That… sounds like fun… that would surely please Eve…

Ruki: I don’t consider it a bad idea either.

Kou: It’s been decided! Now we need to think of what we should do… it definitely needs to stay a secret from M Neko-chan!

*time passed*

Yui: I’m sorry, everyone! It took a little longer…

Yuma: A-Ah… you came back already? You’ve been too fast.

Ruki: Have you finished shopping already?

Yui: Ah… yes… thank you for waiting here.

Azusa: Your welcome…

Yui: (Eh… ? For some reason everyone is looking really strange at me…)

Um… did you guys talk about something?

Kou: Eh!? Nope! We weren’t talking about anything! Right, everyone!?

Yuma: Y-Yea!

Yui: Really… ? If that‘s so…

Ruki: Ahem… isn’t there anything anyone forgot to buy? It’s almost time to go back.

Kou: Yess! Shall we go? M Neko-chan.

Yui: Y-Yes…

Place: Mukami mansion — Yui’s bedroom

Yui: Nn…

(Haa, what time is it now… ?)

(It’s still the same hour… almost earlier than I planned, maybe I can already get up then)

...I don‘t feel like sleeping at all…

(If Ruki-kun and the others knew that I’m not able to sleep right now, would they laugh at me?)

(Maybe I should secretly prepare myself for now…)

(Hmm… I first of all need to change my clothes—)

*someone knocks*

Yui: (Who could that be… ?)

Yes… ?

Kou: M Neko-chan, are you up?

Yui: Kou-kun… ? Yes, I’m awake.

*Kou enters*

Yui: What‘s wrong, Kou-kun? Isn’t it too early for the meeting time… ?

Kou: Hmh… that‘s right… but could you listen to me without laughing?

Yui: …..? Sure, what’s wrong?

Kou: You know… I had so much fun yesterday that I couldn’t sleep… so I came to wake you up.

I’m sorry.

Yui: Ah… I understand… but it‘s okay, really.

Honestly, I couldn’t sleep either.

Kou: Eh? Really?

Yui: Yes… I couldn‘t sleep because I was looking forward to this day.

Kou: So we share the same feeling! Fufu… I’m glad I’m not the only one!

Then why don’t we go to the living room early together?

Place: Mukami mansion — Living room

Ruki: Hm… ?

Kou: Ah, Ruki-kun! You’re already awake!?

Yuma: It‘s not just Ruki.

Yui: Ah, Yuma and Azusa-kun too… !

Ruki: Oh my, I would’ve never expected everyone to wake up earlier than decided.

Kou: That’s because we all had too much fun yesterday, isn’t it?

Ruki: Hmph… you may be right.

Yui: (Everyone really feels the same as me… ! That makes me kinda happy)

Yuma: If we’re already up now, why don‘t we leave then?

Ruki: This is all happening way faster than I planned but… you’re right. We should start leaving.

Yui: (I wonder what kind of camp it will be? I‘m even more excited to know it now!)

Place: Demon world — Forest

Ruki: —Here, we’ve arrived.

Kou: …..

Yuma: …..

Azusa: Oh…

Yui: …..

(He said that we arrived but…)

Um… Ruki-kun…

Ruki: What is it, Livestock?

Yui: This place here is the forest of the demon world…

Ruki: Of course it is.

Kou: Of course? No!! Why did we come to the forest of the demon world!? It would be way nicer in a lower forest!

Ruki: What are you saying? If we go to a lower forest, there may be humans there.

I don’t think they would enjoy it as much as if we were there with them. That’s why we came to the demon world instead.

Yuma: You maybe get a point on that but still…

How the heck are we supposed to stay at such a creepy place!?

Kou: He’s right! This place creeps me out!

A while ago I heard a strange animal out here, crying…

Azusa: I don‘t agree… I think… it could be fun here…

Kou: Azusa-kun is seriously not scared at all…

Hmm… but this is the place Ruki-kun has been looking for…

I guess it’s alright then.

Yuma: Geez, can’t help it… Hey, sow. Is this place okay for you too?

Yui: Yes, it’s fine… !

(There surely are some eerie points about this place… but as long as I’m with everyone together it doesn’t matter)

Ruki: Hmph…

Now let’s split up in different groups to prepare ourselves for the camp.

You can look at the guidebook for details, so please refer to it too.

Yui: (Hmm… Yuma-kun’s responsible for the tents and Kou-kun for going fishing…)

(Ruki-kun is looking for other ingredients… while Azusa-kun will pick up firewood…)

Ah… Ruki-kun, it seems as if you forgot to give me something to do…

Ruki: Yes, you’re good. You can just stay here and keep an eye on everyone.

Yui: Stay here!?

Ruki: Now then, let’s be back by time.

Kou: Yesss! I’ll do my best to catch as many fish as possible!

Azusa: I’ll give… my best too…

Yuma: Aight, let’s do this!

Yui: U-Um, wait a moment…

*they leave*

Yui: (Everyone left me…)

*animal noises*

Yui: Nn… !?

(Even if Ruki-kun told me to stay here… I can’t do that while this place creeps me out…)

(And waiting here all by myself gives me the chills as well…)

(Maybe I should go and try helping everyone…)

Place: Outside — Lake

Yui: (First…)

Yuma-kun!

Yuma: ...Hm? ...Ah, it’s you. What do you want?

Yui: Ah… yes. I was wondering if there’s anything I could do to help you…

Yuma: Even if Ruki gave you no mission, you still feel like you need to help?

Yui: Yes… I’m sorry, I can’t just casually do nothing while everyone has something to do…

Yuma: Have it your way… well, that does sound like you though.

Okay, come over here. I have something to do for you.

Yui: Yay, thank you!

Now then, what should I do to help you?

Yuma: Ah… then, get the whole pile on the side over there.

Yui: Understood!

(Hmm, I’m probably supposed to use the mallet…)

U-Um. I can’t hit it…

Yuma: You need to get it in the right position before you can hit it.

Yui: I know… I’m already holding it properly…

(It’s surprisingly difficult to do that…)

Yuma: You seriously can’t even do that?

Yui: T-That kind of thing is…

Yuma: Kuku… how is it?

Yui: (Hmm, is it okay like this… ?)

Yuma-kun, how is it like this—

Eh… !?

(The tent fell together… !?)

Yuma: Tch… look out!

Yui: Kyaa… !?

Yuma: ...Nn…

Hey Yui, are you okay… ?

Yui: Y-Yes… I am… but… !

(I-I’ve been pushed down from Yuma-kun… !?)

Yuma: Geez, if the stakes don’t fit very well they´ll obviously fall down like this.

Yui: Oh, I see… I’m so sorry, because I couldn’t do it properly you…

(Uhh…  even though I was trying to help him out…)

Yuma: Hey, why are you going silent now?

Yui: Because I might be annoying to Yuma-kun…

Yuma: Idiot, you shouldn’t worry about that

It doesn’t matter if you weren’t able to do it.

You’re a woman so you should leave this to me instead.

Yui: Ah… thank you, Yuma-kun…

(Yuma-kun, after all he’s very kind…)

Then… could I ask you to get off me… ?

(It would be really embarrassing to stay in this position…)

Yuma: Ah? Hm…

Yui: Um… Yuma-kun… ?

Yuma: You’re getting impatient, don’t you think it would be okay if we stayed like this a little longer than this?

Yui: Ehh!?

W-We can’t do that… ! I still have to rebuild my tent!

Yuma: We can do that kind of thing later together real quick.

Rather than that...

Kuku… you seem to enjoy being teased by me, don’t ya?

You… just got a little closer to my face and yours instantly turned red.

Yui: That is… !

(That’s only natural since we’ve got so close to each other… !)

Yu-Yuma… kun…. !

Yuma: Hey… don’t you think it’s exciting to be sucked out here?

C’mon, it’s fine, isn’t it?

Yui: ...Nn… !

N-No, you can’t… !

*Yui hits Yuma*

Yuma: Ngh! That hurt!!

Hey! You shouldn’t get up that suddenly… !

Yui: Ah… I’m sorry…

But! It was Yuma-kun who suddenly started approaching me… !

Yuma: Yea, it was ridiculous to tease you.

Don’t be so angry at me for mocking you… I should slowly get back to work anyway.

Ouch…

If it’s okay with you, you can go to another person instead.

Yui: Oh… but…

Yuma: I told you to leave it to me. Which means… why don’t you go to someone else in exchange?

Yui: Okay… ! Well then, I’ll go try helping someone else.

Yuma: Yea, see ya later.

*time passed*

Yui: Well, next…

???: Hmm… I think I’m not skilfull with angling…

Yui: Ah, Kou-kun!

Kou: Eh… ? Ah, M Neko-chan!

What exactly are you doing here?

Yui: I’m just going around wondering if anyone needs any kind of help.

Kou: Really? So you just got here to check on me...

But now that you’re already here… may I ask you to help me out then?

You seem to be pretty bored of being on your own anyway… ah yes, this here is the fishing rod.

Yui: T-Thank you.

(...Mentioning that, I’ve never been fishing before… I wonder if I can even do that properly)

Kou: What‘s wrong? ...Ah, could it be that this is your first time fishing?

Yui: Yes… it is…

Kou: Fufu, you don’t have to worry about it, you’ll be fine. I will tell you what you need to do.

Yui: For real!? Ah… but isn’t that rather getting in your way than helping you?

Kou: You don’t have to worry about that either! Here, hurry and take the fishing rod.

Yui: Ah, okay…

L-Like this… ?

Kou: Hmm… it looks slightly wrong like this…

Ah, that’s it. I’ll go and support you from behind then.

Yui: Eh!? I-I’ll be fine on my own… !

Kou: Don‘t hesitate now! C’mon, go a little forward.

I’ll take it with you from behind like this.

Yui: O-Okay…

(Ah…)

(I can hear Kou-kun‘s voice right next to my ear… !)

Um… don’t you think it would be better if you wouldn’t get that close to me… ?

Kou: Ehh, you think so? But you can’t fish without holding it firmly, right?

Yui: That’s right but…

(But it’s still way too embarrassing… !)

Kou: Hm? Did your face turn red right there?

Don‘t tell me… that you’re embarrassed because I’m so close?

Yui: ...Nn!

Kou: Bull‘s-eye? Fufu, M Neko-chan really is a cutie.

Yui: Kou-kun—!

Kou: Oops… it looks like we caught a fish!

Yui: Eh… !? Ah!

(Nn… it‘s pulling back with huge powers too… !)

Kou: Wow, it might be a big one!

Yui: (...Nn! Kou-kun got closer again… !)

Um, Kou-kun! You’re being a little too close… !

Kou: Ahh! If you keep saying that, the fish might run away!

Okay, let’s pull it out together! Ready? Now!

Yui: ...Nn!!

Kou: Uwahh… !

Yui: ...Kyaa… !?

Kou: W-We caught it… !

Yui: Yes… !

(And moreover, it’s a really big one… !)

Kou: You did amazing, M Neko-chan! I would’ve never caught such a big one!

Yui: Thank you… ! But I couldn’t catch it all on my own… it’s all thanks to Kou-kun.

Kou: You think so? Fufu, thanks.

Okay, then let’s hurry up and remove it from the... uwahh!?

Yui: What’s wrong… ? Ah!

(Amazing… this fish has three eyes…)

Kou: As expected from a fish from the demon world… but can we actually eat this thing?

Yui: Hmm… I wonder about that…

Kou: ...Let’s go and ask Ruki-kun about that later. Anyway, I’ll have to remove it from the needle first now.

Nn! Stop struggling so much!

Yui: Kou-kun, are you okay!?

Kou: I’m fine! Leave this thing to me.

Nn!

Haa… I guess it’s fine like this. Thank you, M Neko-chan.

Yui: (It was nice to have Kou-kun helping me out with fishing… !)

Ah… then I‘ll go and try to help the next person.

Kou: Ehh!? You’re going to leave me!?

Yui: ...I haven’t been able to help Ruki neither Azusa-kun yet…

Kou: Ahha, that‘s a shame. I thought I could keep you to myself a little longer…

But I can’t change it then… Ah, listen! If you’re already going to Ruki-kun,

Ask him about the fish we caught, if we can prepare and eat it!

Yui: Okay, understood! I’ll be on my way then!

Kou: Yess, take care! I’m gonna try to catch more fish!

Place: Demon world — Forest

Yui: (I also want to hear about the fish we just caught, so maybe I should try and look for Ruki-kun first)

*animal noises*

Yui: ...Nn!

(I didn‘t feel this weird near the lake… the forest is really creepy after all…)

(I hope I can find Ruki-kun as soon as possible…)

*bush shaking*

Yui: ...Nn!? W-What!?

Ruki: ...Livestock?

Yui: Ah, Ruki-kun… ! I’m so glad it’s you… !

Ruki: What happened? In such a place…

Yui: Ah… yes. I actually have something I want to ask you, Ruki-kun.

Ruki: Me? What is it?

Yui: I was helping out Kou-kun right before we just crossed paths...

And we both caught a fish which has three eyes, so…

Ruki: Does that mean you want to ask me if it’s edible?

Yui: Yes…

Ruki: If I can‘t look at the fish itself, I won’t be able to tell you if we can or not…

But I did hear that the three eyed fish is a true delicacy in the demon world.

Yui: Is that so…

(Even if it‘s a fish I caught, I don’t know if I’ll have the courage to eat it…)

Ruki: Talking about it, what do you mean by “I helped him fishing”?

I’m sure I only told you to keep an eye on them…

Yui: (Uhh… I spilled out everything…)

Ah… I know Ruki-kun said that, but…

I’m sorry, I should’ve done nothing, like you told me to…

Ruki: ...Ah, I expected you would say so…

...However, it doesn‘t make sense to scold you now.

Yui: (Eh… what did he say just now… ?)

Ruki: —Anyway. Since you’ve already come so far, would you mind helping me out as well?

Yui: Not at all… ! Ruki-kun is looking out here for food, right? I’ll help you searching.

Ruki: Hmph… right. Then follow me.

Yui: Ruki-kun, how about this wild grass?

Ruki: Hm? Ah, this is…

*opens guidebook*

Ruki: ...It’s a poisonous plant. Eating it is supposed to make you laugh for an entire week.

Yui: Oh… really…

(The tree nuts I found earlier, they were poisonous as well…)

(Meanwhile Ruki-kun is the complete opposite of me, he only finds edible things…)

(As expected from him)

Ruki: By the way, the poisonous plant you found right there… if processed, it can be used as medicine.

Yui: Eh… !? So there is one convenient use for such poisonous plants—

...Nn… !

Ruki: What happened?

Yui: Ah… it looks like I’ve cut my fingertip in the grass right now…

(I listened carefully to what he said so I didn‘t look around myself at all…)

Ruki: Haa… good grief, you truly are troublesome.

Yui: Uhh… I’m sorry…

Ruki: Let me see it.

...I think it’s just a light cut.

...Nn.

Yui: Uwah… Ruki-kun… !?

(He licked my fingertip… !?)

Ruki: Hmph… I didn’t expect you to turn as red as this.

Yui: That’s because Ruki-kun did that so suddenly… !

Ruki: With salvia, this kind of scratch should heal immediately by itself… but

Just in case… you should wear this too.

...This will advance the preparation.

Yui: (Ah… Ruki-kun wrapped a handkerchief around the wound…)

Ruki: You are not allowed to have any other wounds than my bite marks. Did you get that, Yui?

Yui: Eh… ?

Ruki: Hmph, just kidding. Don‘t fall for it so easily.

Yui: Ah… t-that’s right… I was actually falling for it…

Thank you for treating me, Ruki-kun.

(Uhh… my face is still so hot…)

*time passed*

Ruki: —This should be it for the ingredients.

I will return back to Yuma for a little… what will you do?

Yui: Me…

(What should I do?)

I haven’t gotten to help Azusa-kun yet, so I’ll go and try to find him right away.

Ruki: Okay. Azusa should be picking up firewood from this point onwards.

Yui: Thank you, I’ll go and search for him!

*Yui runs off*

Yui: — Azusa-kun!

Azusa: Oh… Eve… ? Why are you here… ?

Yui: I was wondering if I could somehow help you out here…

Azusa: Eh… you came to help me out… I’m glad…

Then let’s pick up the firewood together… okay… ?

Yui: Yes… !

*time passed*

Yui: ...Puh

(I think we’ve gathered quite a lot… !)

Azusa: Eve… are you okay? Are you tired… ?

Yui: No, I’m fine… ! What about you Azusa-kun, are you tired?

Azusa: …..

...Maybe a little bit…

Yui: Fufu, why don’t we take a break then?

Over there, this tree looks like we can sit on it!

Azusa: ...Thank you.

Yui: You’ve gathered quite a lot on your own.

Azusa: ...Ruki-kun, I hope he’ll be pleased…

Yui: Yes, I’m sure he will be happy!

With this much wood, cooking should be more than easy… !

Azusa: I see… I’m glad… cooking with everyone… sounds like fun…

Yui: Yes, you’re right!

*Yuis stomach growls*

Yui: Ah…

(Oh, no… ! Talking about cooking made me hungry… I’m so embarrassed… !)

Ah, Azusa-kun! This just now… !

Azusa: Fufu… it‘s okay… I’m hungry as well...

Yui: I wish we had something to eat right here…

Azusa: ...We have the sweets I brought… but I left it in my luggage…

Yui: Me too...

(If I would’ve known that we would take a break in the forest, I would’ve brought them…)

Azusa: Ah… the fruit over there looks delicious…

Yui: Oh, where? ...That’s true! But is it really a fruit?

(I want to eat it… but I can’t reach it because of my height)

Azusa: ...Hey, Eve. Wait there.

Yui: Y-Yes… okay...

(Azusa-kun, what is he doing under the tree now… ?)

Azusa: Nn… even I… can’t reach it…

Yui: Ah, Azusa-kun… ! It would be better if you wouldn’t overdo it…

Azusa: …..

Ah… I think, I’ve got a good idea…

Yui: An idea?

Azusa: Yes… wait there, Eve. I will prepare myself…

*Azusa squats*

Yui: (Azusa-kun is squatting…)

Azusa: ...Okay, Eve… get on…

Yui: ...Eh!? What do you mean… by get on!?

Azusa: ...If I give you a ride… you might be able to reach it…

Yui: (I do think I‘d be able to reach it like that, but it would be so embarrassing… !)

No… even so…

Azusa: Eve just needs to be carried… right…?

Yui: (Uhh… even if he says that…)

…..

(But Azusa-kun told me to do so… it would be bad to refuse it, right?)

Okay… excuse me… !

(...This is so embarrassing…)

Um… am I heavy?

Azusa: Not at all… Eve is really lightly…

Well then, I’ll stand up…

Yui: E-Eh… kyaa… !?

Azusa: Ah… I’m sorry, Eve… are you okay… ?

Yui: I-I’m fine…

(Azusa-kun stood up so suddenly… no wonder I got surprised…)

Azusa: But… Eve, doesn’t your skin feel somehow hot… ?

Yui: Nn… ! T-That‘s not true… !

Azusa: Is it… ?

Yui: Let’s just take it as quick as possible… !

...Ngh… !

(Okay… got it… !)

Azusa-kun, I got it… ! So um, could you drop me down now… ?

(I’m more than embarrassed doing this…)

Azusa: …..

Yui: Um… Azusa-kun… ?

Azusa: Hmm… but, I want to stay like this…

Yui: Ehh… !?

Azusa: Is that bad… ?

Yui: No… it’s not bad… I just want to eat it quickly…

Azusa: Ah… that’s true… I forgot that I’m hungry too…

Well then… I’ll let you down slowly…

Yui: Thank you, Azusa-kun. Yes, here.

Azusa: Thank you… let’s eat it right away together…

Yui: Yes!

(So this is a fruit of the demon world. It smells sweet and sour at the same time, I wonder if it’s okay to eat it… ?)

(I won’t know unless I try it though… Nn… !)

Ah… it also tastes sweet and sour at the same time, it’s delicious!

(To be honest, I was worried about how it will taste… but it was amazing!)

What do you think, Azusa-kun?

Azusa: Nn… it‘s delicious…

Yui: Fufu, I’m glad.

(Azusa-kun looks happy… ! In the end it was super embarrassing, but also totally worth it!)

Shall we go back to Ruki-kun and the others?

Azusa: Ah…

Yui: Huh? What’s wrong?

Azusa: This… was really delicious… I want to bring them to Ruki and the others too…

Yui: That’s a good idea! I’m sure everyone would be happy if we did that!

(Azusa-kun really is a kind soul… !)

Azusa: Then… I’ll give you another piggy back ride, okay… ?

Yui: E-Eh… !?

Azusa: If we want to share them with Ruki, we have to go for another ride…

Yui: Ah… !

(Again, it’s embarrassing.. but it’s for everyone)

...Please excuse me.

Azusa: Fufu…

Place: Outside — Lake

Yui: (I would’ve never expected to get a piggy back ride twice today…)

Azusa: I managed to get a lot of wood because of Eve… this will surely make Ruki and the others happy…

Yui: (...Azusa-kun looks happy as well, that’s good enough for me…)

???: Ah! M Neko-chan! Azusa-kun!

Yuma: Finally, you two!

Yui: Ah, everyone! Sorry to keep you waiting for so long...

Azusa: We picked up various things… so we’re late… but we got this…

Kou: What is that? A fruit?

Yui: Yes. We found it when we started picking up firewood. It was really delicious when we tasted it…

Ruki: Well, it doesn’t seem bad. We could surely eat it as dessert.

Yuma: Alrighty! Let’s start preparing the meal now.

Kou: Today we won’t leave all of it to Ruki-kun himself, we’ll help you out too!

Ruki: Yes, please do.

Yui: (We’ll cook together… I’m excited! Alright, let’s do our best!)

*time passed*

Ruki: —Does each of you have a dish?

Kou: Yep!

Yuma: Yes!

Azusa: Yes…we were quite diligent…

Ruki: Then let’s eat.

Kou: Let’s eat!

Yuma: Let’s eat!

Azusa: ...Let’s eat…

Yui: Let’s eat!

(Having a meal around the bonfire together… it’s really fun!)

Kou: Hmm! The stew is delicious!

Yuma: Hm, it’s definitely delicious! Ah… yet I wonder if you were the one cutting the potatoes.

Kou: Ehh!? Why?

Yuma: Because they’re all in a messy shape.

Kou: Ah, that’s mean to say, Yuma-kun! Do you want to say that I’m a clumsy cook!?

Yuma: Kuku… so I was right about that?

Kou: Mm…

...That’s enough! Yuma-kun won’t get this grilled fish from me then!

Yuma: Hah!? Why!? This is not about the fish! Give it back!

Kou: I and M Neko-chan gave our best to catch that fish… so I won’t give it to anyone who complains about my cooking skills!

Right, M Neko-chan!?

Yui: Eh!? Uhh…

Ruki: Hey, you guys. Don’t drag her into your futile fight.

Kou: Ehh… even if…

Yuma: Yes, yes, it was my fault. Now give it back to me!

Kou: Fine, I’ll give it back.

Ruki: Haa… good grief…

Yui: Fufu…

(Kou-kun and the others seem to have fun too…)

Azusa: Oh…

Yui: What’s wrong?

Azusa: Say… did you cut these carrots, Eve… ?

Yui: Yes… why?

(No way, did I cut them in a strange shape too… !?)

Azusa: This one is a heart-shaped carrot…

Yui: Oh, that… ! Yes, I only made one in this shape.

I’m surprised you got it, Azusa-kun!

Azusa: Only me… ? Really… fufu, I’m happy…

Kou: Woah! Azusa-kun, what is that!?

Ruki: You must have secretly done it some time ago… but what is the reason you did it?

Yuma: What’s the reason behind only making one anyway?

Yui: Hmm… to be honest I made it just for fun…

Kou: Azusa-kun, give it to me!

Azusa: I won’t do that…

Kou: Ehh!

Ruki: Hey, stop being so noisy, Kou.

Kou: But…

Yui: Ah… I can make surely make them again…

Kou: Then make one, which is especially for me!

Yuma: Why would you be the only one!?

Hey, make one for me too!

Yui: Ehh!?

Ruki: Haa… good grief, you guys…

Hey, Livestock. Continue eating without worrying about them. They’ll calm down.

Yui: Ah… okay. Thank you…

This stew also contains the herbs Ruki-kun picked up, right?

Ruki: Yes, that’s right.

Yui: It’s delicious, it gives off a different taste than usual.

Ruki: Hmph… I see. If you liked it so much, we can make it again once we returned home…

But I do think that it makes more sense to eat this outside in the nature.

Yui: Yes… that may be true.

(This way, we’re all together surrounded by a bonfire)

(It’s such a nice thing to do—)

*time passed*

Yui: Pwaaah…

(Once I finished cleaning, I suddenly became sleepy again)

Yuma: Looks like you’re getting sleepy.

Yui: I’m sorry. I woke up early this morning… so I’d like to take a rest soon.

Azusa: Ah… wait, Eve…

Kou: You can’t go to sleep yet!

Yui: Eh… ?

Kou: Actually, there is something we want to show you.

Yui: (They want to show me something… ?)

Kou: We needs to walk a little from here. Okay, come with me!

Yui: Please wait, Kou-kun!

Place: Demon world — Forest

Yui: (Even though everyone is here… the forest of the demon world is still really creepy…)

(I wonder where we’re going… ?)

(...I guess I’ll ask Yuma-kun about that)

Um… could you please tell me where we’re going?

Yuma: Eh? Where you ask? Kuku…

Yui: (He’s messing with me…)

(But seriously, where are we heading? I actually have no idea…)

Ruki: —Yui.

Yui: Eh… Ruki-kun… ?

Ruki: ...Don’t worry about it so much.

Yui: (Wow… Ruki-kun patted my head…)

Azusa: That’s right… because you’re with us…

Yui: Y-Yes… thank you.

Yuma: Hey, Kou. Isn’t it around here?

Kou: Yes, it is.

Okay, M Neko-chan.

Yui: Eh?

Kou: From now on, I want you to close your eyes until we’re there.

Yui: Close my eyes… ? Okay, but why?

Kou: Hmm, because… that’s still a secret♪

C’mon, close your eyes!

Yui: O-Okay…

Kou: Yes, yes… it’s okay. You don’t need to be afraid, just take my hand.

Yuma: Geez, it can’t be helped. I’ll hold your other one too.

Azusa: Then… I’ll carefully push Eve’s shoulders…

Ruki: I’ll take over the lead. Everyone, keep up with it.

Yui: (Everyone supports me while walking… I don’t need to be worried…)

(But I still don’t know what’s going on here…)

Um… where are we going?

Kou: Hmm, it’s no fun if we tell you before we arrived there.

Yuma: We’ll be there soon, be patient!

Yui: O-Okay…

Ruki: It’s about time we arrive.

Azusa: Eve… when I say now, you can open your eyes…

Okay? Now…

Yui: ...Nn…

Yui: Wow… !

(It’s beautiful… ! Is this a meteor shower… ?)

Ruki: ...As expected, it does look more beautiful if you actually see it.

Kou: It really looks like it’s raining stars!

Azusa: It’s very… beautiful…

Yuma: It’s greater than I’d imagined it.

Yui: Um… everyone, this is…

Kou: Yes, this is exactly what we wanted to show you, M Neko-chan!

Azusa: We wanted to keep it a surprise… that’s why we kept it a secret…

Yui: Really… !?

Ruki: The surprise seems to be a complete success.

Yuma: Tell us, are you surprised?

Yui: Yes… ! I was really surprised… I’m so happy! Thank you so much, guys… !

Kou: Originally we wanted to show you our everyday gratitude like this.

Ruki: Yes. That’s why once you started to ask to take a rest, it went out of our preparations…

At the end it was something worth seeing.

Yui: Ah… about that… I’m sorry.

Azusa: Don’t apologize… Eve… because you came to help me… I was glad…

Yuma: Well, you’re not wrong. It really was fun to actually built up the tents with you.

Kou: Me too, me too! Since I was with you, I was able to catch such a big fish!

Ruki: Thanks to you finding the poisonous plant earlier, I may be able to do something with it.

Yui: Everyone… thank you very much.

(What should I do… I’m so happy that I’m about to cry… !)

Kou: Hey, we should immediately make a wish!

Azusa: Make a wish… ?

Kou: By the time any shooting stars disappear, it’s said if you say your wish three times, it will become true, right?

Ruki: I certainly do know that such a tale exists.

Yuma: Hmm… well then it’s fine. The stars are basically flowing, so there needs to be success in at least one wish.

Azusa: I’ll do my best… too…

Kou: We came to an agreement! Did everyone think about what to wish for?

Yui: (If I wish for something… I wonder if it really becomes true then)

Yuma: I picked one.

Azusa: Me too…

Ruki: Yes, you can wish for anything you want.

Kou: What about M Neko-chan?

Yui: I…

…..

Yes, I’ve got one.

Yuma: Hey, over there!

Ruki: …..

Kou: …..

Yuma: ...I wanna grow up… I wanna grow up… I wanna grow up…

Azusa: …..

Yui: …..

(I managed to make a wish… I think?)

Ruki: Yuma… aren’t your wishes something you shouldn’t say out loud?

Yuma: Ah? Are you serious!? Hey, what I just said… did you really hear it!?

Ruki: Seems as if I heard it by accident…

Azusa: I… maybe I wasn’t able to say it three times before it disappeared…

Kou: It’s okay, there are still so many flowing around after all!

Oh! Hey M Neko-chan, what did you wish for?

Yui: Eh… !? That’s not something I’m supposed to tell others… !

Kou: Ehh, it’s fine! You can tell me later in private about it.

Yui: No, it’s a secret… !

Ruki: Hm? When you say it like that, I want to know it as well.

Yui: You too, Ruki-kun… !?

Yuma: I also said mine out loud so I wanna hear yours too!

Yui: S-Such… !

(Even though Yuma-kun said it out loud accidentally…)

Azusa: I too… want to know about Eve’s wish…

Yui: ...Nn…

I um, I’ll maybe tell you next time… !

*Yui runs off*

Kou: Oh, she escaped! Wait, M Neko-chan!

Ruki: You guys, get her back.

Yuma: Roger! Hey, sow! Once I got you, you have to prepare yourself to confess what you wished for!

Azusa: Eve… wait… !

Yui: (Ugh… everyone is seriously chasing after me now… !)

(But…)

(Like this we went outside together, ate together and even played together…)

(I want to enjoy way more calm days like these with all of them)

(I wish that we’ll all stay together like this forever…)

(I hope this wish comes true—)

[noladyme]

The Frog Princess. Chapter 2

She had no wish to be bound down to anyone, but Y/N none the less found herself being dragged across the continent; to marry King Foltest of Temeria. In stead of pomp and spectacle; she was accompanied by the witcher, Geralt of Rivia. Their travels would bring both monsters, lust, love; and heartache. All soundtracked by a endearing buffoon of a bard, named Jaskier.

TW: Violence, language, sexual themes. Rated M.

2

The rank smell of rotten seaweed and fish woke me up.

“Ah. The lady awakes!”, Jaskier scowled at me from where he was standing at the railing. His face looked as I was feeling. Nauseous and miserable.

“You slept all morning”, he said, clutching a handkerchief; occasionally holding it to his mouth. “Are we there yet?”, he called to the fisherman. “It’ll be a few hours yet, good bard. Try singing a song; it might take your mind of your stomach”. Jaskier heaved a few times, before leaning over the railing, and parting with his breakfast.

I wrinkled my nose at the sight, and stood up; feeling stiff and uncomfortable. Walking towards the middle of the ship, I almost fell over. “Sea legs not strong?”, the witchers gravelly voice said. He was wiping down a long sword, that looked as if it was completely made out of silver.

“I’m a Skelliger. My sea legs are perfect. I’m just hung over”, I sneered. ”For a Skelliger, I don’t know which would be more embarrassing”, the witcher smirked. It was only the third time I’d seen him smile. It wasn’t unpleasant; but I couldn’t let it distract me.

“Why Attre?”, I asked. “Going through Cintra Capital would be faster. You wouldn’t have to drag me as far”. “Are you saying I will have to drag you?”, he asked. “You’re avoiding the question”, I retorted.

“The Capital would be the obvious move; and could possibly bring armies to the gates of the city”. He looked worried for a second.

“I suppose I wouldn’t want to bring that on Calanthe”, I said. He raised a brow at me. “You like her”, he said, more as a statement than a question. “I respect her”, I said. “I don’t agree with all her politics, but she’s strong, stubborn and intelligent; and she has her peoples best in mind”.

“What makes you so sure that she knows what is best?”, he asked, looking at me. “I’m not. But that’s not the point”. I pulled my cloak around me; shielding myself against the cold afternoon sea breeze. “Her people have roofs over their heads, full bellies and well stocked markets”. “And the elder folk?”, the witcher challenged.

“That is a subject she and I disagree on. But, wrong or right, she doesn’t take shit from any man. Not even my cousin can tame her. I think that’s why he loves her so much”. I smiled to myself. The witcher held back a laugh, and continued his task; leaving me to find something to soothe my upset stomach.

---

We made landfall – about 10 miles south of Attre – as the sun was setting; once again leaving us to ride through the dark. The witcher had declined Jaskiers plea to take a room at an inn for the night; making the bard sulk as we traipsed through the forest.

The witchers decision fit my plan well; as I didn’t think it would be good to have to sneak out of a crowded inn; leaving witnesses in my wake. I’d rather disappear quietly into the forest as the witcher slept. I hadn’t caught him resting yet, and I figured we’d soon need to stop for the night.

Reaching a small glade, the witcher built a fire, and we made to have supper – fried fish; from the catch the fisherman had been so kind as to let us have a small ration of.

The color having returned to Jaskiers face; his mood had also lifted. He was tuning his instrument, and struck a few chords, earning a groan from the witcher. “I forgive you”, the bard said. “What?”, I asked, confused. “For being rude… and making me steal Eists horse”.

I snickered. “I didn’t make you do anything”, I said. “I just told you a white lie, to get you to stop moaning like a child about having to walk”. Jaskier tightened his lips. “Well, I forgive you anyway”, he said, with an insincere smile. “It must be difficult to be taken from your home, and shuttled of into the arms of a man you don’t know”.

I wanted to punch him in his handsome face; but simply nodded. “Thank you very much. That is very kind of you”.

His eyes warmed. “I’ve actually been working on a little tune for you, my lady”. The witcher looked up at him; with his eyes willing him to shut up – to no avail.

The bard strung a major chord.

“Lady, my lady, your beauty is rare. Your eyes have the power, a man to ensnare. Princess, oh princess, with skin so smooth. Your beauty is great; though your mouth is uncouth”.

I chuckled.

“Foul mouthed lady, be kind onto me And I’ll be your thrall, I will never flee. Foul mouthed princess, have mercy, I plea And I shall be ever a servant of thee”.

I clapped my hands, laughing at his little ode. He was a fine singer, and seemed like a goodhearted man underneath his pretty boy exterior.

“That was… different”, I laughed. “Well it’s from the heart”, Jaskier smiled.

“Do you want to draw in the wolves?”, the witcher snarled at us. “Well, pardon me for trying to lighten the mood, Geralt. Would you rather have the young lady sulking the whole night?”, Jaskier said. “She can do whatever she wants, as long as she stays quiet; and finishes making dinner”.

“I’m not cooking”, I said, looking at the fish hanging from the stick he handed me. “If you want to eat; you are”, he said. “Shove it up your ass”, I snarled. “I’ll shove it up yours”, he answered; and probed the stick into my hand.

I was about to whack him over the head with it, when Jaskier stepped in, and grabbed the fish from me. “I’ll do it, princess”.

“Stop calling me a fucking princess!”, I shrieked; an owl fleeing from a nearby tree at the sound of my voice. Jaskier stifled a smile. “I can’t imagine why you haven’t been married yet”, he chuckled. “Can’t even cook…”, he mumbled, and walked towards the fire.

“I can cook just fine”, I said. “I can cook, bake, sow and milk a fucking cow with the best of them. I just won’t. I don’t like being told what to do…”, I said. “Because you’re spoiled”, the witcher said, voice bored. “You know nothing about me”, I answered.

I went to stand by the fire; warming my hands. Jaskier served us the fish a few moments later, and we ate quietly.

“You could let me go”, I said, breaking the silence. “No”, said the witcher. “You’re my contract”. “In that case all you need is a head. I saw a fresh grave a few miles back. Foltest doesn’t know what I look like; you could pop back and dig her up”. “Her?”. The witcher suddenly seemed interested.

“There was a plank with her name and age on it. It could work”, I jeered. His eyes met mine.

“Get some sleep”, he said; pulled out his sword, and laid it next to him, before he laid down himself, head resting on his folded-up cloak. “Jaskier, you take first watch”. The bard rolled his eyes. “Yes, sir. Would you like a foot massage while I’m at it?”. “Do what you want. Just don’t wake me up”.

He closed his eyes, and seemed to fall asleep instantly.

I laid down; trying to make myself comfortable. I’d slept on bare ground before, but the treetops were to close together for me to be able to see the stars; so, I wasn’t enjoying the experience as I’d done then.

Just wait, I thought, have patience. Let the bard get drowsy.

I heard a small snore from near the fire. Jaskier hadn’t been able to stay awake long. Now or never.

I crawled to my feet, and ran.

---

My skirts were catching on the thickets, and it was difficult to find my way. I knew I had to find a place where I could see the sky; and find the north star. I didn’t know why I would go north, but I needed a direction.

There was a crackle of twigs behind me; and I looked back to see a deer running in the opposite direction. Sighing in relief, I continued; lifting my skirts around me, to free my legs.

I felt a sudden pang of fear from the fact that I was running in a strange forest in a strange land; without direction or goal.

Where am I going?, I thought. I can’t run back to the harbor. A village? If I find a village, I can maybe pay my way onto a carriage, get to Cintra Capital, and find passage home… If they’ll take me back.

I heard a hoot, and the sound made me trip over my legs in surprise. You win this one, owl!, I thought. Getting back onto my feet, I noticed my dress was stuck on a branch. I desperately tried to get it lose without ripping it, and I heard running behind me. My heart climbed into my throat. With a hard yank, the skirt came lose, leaving a long tear on the side of it.

“Shit”, I whispered to myself; picked up my skirts again, and ran on.

Reaching a small stream, I searched franticly for a spot to cross it, that wouldn’t get me soaked. I saw a stone sticking up over the water a few yards further on, and ran towards it; jumping onto it tentatively. It didn’t sink. Looking at the opposite side of the water than from where I came, there was a tuft of grass that seemed dry. I held my breath, and jumped again.

One of my feet landed on dry land, the other sank into the mud. I couldn’t feel a bottom, and panicked, leg stuck from my thigh down.

“What are you doing, little frog?”.

The witcher was looking down at me. He had crossed the stream without as much as a drop of water touching his boots, and at that moment I hated him more than I had hated anyone before.

“Leave me alone!”, I yelled. “No”, he said, and sauntered up to me; grabbing my thigh, and pulling me free from the mud. “You are coming back with me”, he said, and took a hold of my arm.

I saw a broken branch on the ground, grabbed it; and swung it at him, narrowly missing his head, as he drew back with inhuman speed. His confusion gave me enough time to set of running again, and I made it about 10 seconds, before two strong hands gripped my waist, swung me around, and threw me to the ground.

The witcher was laying on top of me; holding both my wrists above my head, and pinning my legs with his own. “Stop struggling!”, he said; not allowing me to move my hands. “Let me go”, I yelled; and tried to make my knee meet his groin, unsuccessfully. He bared his teeth.

“You are not playing nice, little frog”, he said; getting up – and threw me over his shoulder, to carry me back. I kicked, hit him and screamed as loudly as I could. Reaching my hand around, and scratching him across his face; he finally put me down.

“That hurt”, he growled. “Good!”, I sneered back at him; and went for another hit. His hand caught my wrist; and holding on to it, he backed me up against a tree; pinning me to it, by putting his knee between my legs and lifting it, until my feet no longer touched the ground. “You might just be more hassle than you’re worth; but I made a deal, and I intend to honor it!”, he hissed; eyes ablaze.

My voice hitched, partly from fear – and partly from the sensation of his knee between my legs. “Are you going to punish me now, witcher?”, I said; a small part of me hoping for a yes.

His hand flew to my throat; holding it, and squeezing it lightly. “Don’t. Play. With. Fire”, he said as calmly as he could – which wasn’t very. His face so close to mine, I could feel his warm breath on my skin. I bit my lip; unable to control the smile that ghosted across my face. Then he let me go.

Landing with a bump on the ground, I felt a sharp pain in my knee. I had landed on a stone, that had cut open a gash about two inches wide.

“Fuck”, the witcher grumbled above me.

I struggled not to cry; but couldn’t hold back a whimper, when I touched the wound.

“Let’s go”, the witcher said; picked me up, and began walking back towards the camp, carrying me all the way.

“Where were you?”, Jaskier said, voice panicked; as we came back into the light of the fire. “You fell asleep”, the witcher grumbled; and set me down on the ground. He fetched a small pouch from his satchel, and kneeled down next to me, lifting my skirt above my knee to tend to it. “Well, it’s been a very trying day”, Jaskier retorted; and went to poke at the fire, making the embers light up.

“He’s sensitive”, the witcher said, and looked at my wound. “Am not!”, Jaskier said; hurt. “I’m just not accustomed to being left alone in the middle of the woods with nothing to protect myself but my lute”. “If someone came to rob you, you could always sing to them. Might make them turn around and leave”. Jaskier gasped. “Well!... I never!...”, he said, and puffed his chest out, before laying down; his back to us. “I’m going to sleep”.

The witcher poured some water onto a piece of cloth, and began rinsing the dirt and blood away from my knee. I hissed at the sting from his touch; and tried to pull my leg away from him. He grabbed my calf, and held it in place. “Sit still”. “I can clean my own wounds”, I said. “I’m sure you can. But you landed in some blood moss, and I don’t want it to fester”, he retorted; and pulled out a small flask. “This will sting. It wasn’t made for humans to use; but it’ll cauterize the wound”. He looked at me seriously. “Hold on to me”.

He put my wounded leg over his own; took a firm hold of my ankle; leaning, so that I couldn’t see what he was doing. I took a hold of his arm; and held my breath. A sudden excruciating burning sensation spread across my knee; making me scream from the pain. I threw my arms around his bicep, and pressed my forehead into his shoulder, sobbing. “Shh”, he said. “It’s done”. I felt his thumb stroke my calf; and the feeling made a warmth spread up my leg; towards my core – mixing pain with pleasure I didn’t know how to react to.

I lifted my head, and our eyes met. His shone in the light of the fire, at once shallow and bright; at the same time deep as an amber ocean, hiding secrets below. He was excavating my own, it seemed – drawing out my deepest desires, fears and insecurities. It was disconcerting and intriguing all at once.

Remembering himself, he looked down at my knee. “There”, he said, handing me a bandage. “You can wrap it up now”. Where the gash had been was now and angry red line covered in small blisters. It stung, but I could tell that it would probably heal well.

I was wrapping the bandage around my knee; when a hollow shriek broke the silence.

“Would you stop screaming, woman?”, Jaskier yelled, and sat up. “He already fixed your bloody wound…”.

“Shut up!”, the witcher hissed. He was standing alert, looking into the dark. “Ger…”, Jaskier began. “Sshh!”.

The witcher picked up his sword from the ground. “Stay by the fire!”. He drew a complex figure in the air, and a purplish haze rose around us.

From behind the trees a grey mist drew closer. “I told you we should have stayed at an inn”, Jaskier whimpered.

I drew my hidden knife, and stepped forward. “Stay back”, the witcher growled; not taking his eyes of the mist. “It’s a moonwraith!”. “Oh, gods”, Jaskier said, his face once again turning green. “I’d do what he says”.

From the mist floated a spectre; screaming and moaning. Its face was horrifying – a long tongue hanging out of a jawless mouth. Its eyes were two large holes, and tattered rags hung from its thin limbs, not leaving the creature with any modesty.

The witcher held his sword with both hands, and stepped forward to face it. My whole body was shaking; and I realized that it was because Jaskier was holding on to my arm; shivering in fear.

The witcher slashed at the figure; making it draw back with an anguished roar. It swept forward, and our protector rolled across the ground to avoid it. He got back on his feet gracefully, flanking the spectre; and gutting a gash into its side – gray fog streaming out where blood should have been.

The witcher sprang for his satchel; grabbing a small bottle, that looked like the one he had used for my knee. He poured the content over his sword quickly, before putting the bottle to his lips, taking a small sip. He groaned, and fell back a step.

I ran forward, slashing at the ghost with my knife. It shrieked, and swung at me. There was a hard hit to my side; and I flew across the ground; landing near the fire; inside the ward the witcher had put up for us.

He looked back at me; his amber eyes gone. They were now black, and his skin impossibly white and grey. He looked like he walked the thin line between life and death – death not taking him, but strengthening him instead. The sight was terrifying.

He roared, and jumped into the air; slashing his sword through the spectre, making it tumble in the air, and fall back. He lifted his hand, and a force – like a gush of hard wind – flowed from out from it; pushing the creature against a tree. The witcher made a different sign in the air; and the spectre became more corporeal in its appearance.

He lifted his sword a final time; and slashed downwards; splitting the creature in half. A final scream, making the ground shake – and there was only quiet.

My heart was beating so hard and fast that I thought I could see it through my chest.

The witcher turned around – his ghastly white face sprayed with black blood. He marched up to me with impossible speed, and grabbed my arm; drawing me in so close that our faces almost crashed together.

“I told you to stay by the fire!”, he roared at me; black eyes digging into to me. “You could have been killed, you stupid girl”.

“Geralt…”, Jaskier tried calmingly, his knees still shaking.

Grabbing me by the back of my neck; the witcher bared his teeth into a sneer. “I should have let her have you!”. He pushed me away harshly, letting me land on my bottom. I was frozen in place.

“Geralt”, Jaskier said again, stepping between us. “She didn’t know. She was trying to help”. “I don’t need help”, answered the witcher; and stomped away to clean up.

Jaskier crouched next to me. “Best leave him alone a little while”. He patted my shoulder.

I didn’t move for a long time. I couldn’t feel the heat from the fire, nor could I move to get closer to it. I just sat there, cold and strangely devastated by the situation. In the end, I simply laid down, crawling in to myself; and fell asleep.

---

Thanks for reading.

Let me know if you would like to be added to the tag list.

- no lady

[kingsuckjin]

Bound-jjk

Pairing: jungkook x reader (Established relationship)

Synopsis: You read a fanfiction where your boyfriend, Jungkook was tied up and moaning and you couldn’t stop thinking about it ever since. You were excited and surprised when he decides to make your dream come true, but it doesn’t go as you thought it would at all, it’s so much better.

Warnings: just a bunch of smut, no plot, no fluff (not even if you’re wearing your reading glasses and squinting really hard), jk is tied up, biting, scratching, slapping, ripping of clothes, choking, denied orgasms, pain kink, unprotected sex (just use protection, please) choking, *takes a breath* name calling, degradation, sex toys, fingering (f receiving), oral (m receiving), dom jk, dom reader, long haired jk, Jungkook is a cocky dick head.

Words:4kish

Notes: I meant for this to be subby jk… It’s most certainly not, I have no idea what happened here. Also it’s unedited so excuse any mistakes you find.

➡ My Masterlist

———

“You know that thing you read about and have been wanting me to do? I want to play.”

You nearly choked on your soda as you read the message from your boyfriend who was sitting next to you at the table. You were at a dinner at a nice restaurant, surrounded by his hyungs and Bighit staff just staring at your phone looking dumbfounded.

You glanced around the table to see if anyone had noticed your choking or the fact your face was now slowly heating up. You knew exactly what Jungkook was talking about in the text.

Just a week prior you had decided to see what all the intrigue was behind all these fanfictions, so you took a look at a few about your boyfriend. Some were really cute and cuddly or about what kind of kisser he might be. Some were kind of hot, you weren’t going to lie, but there was one that you couldn’t get out of your mind. Every time you looked at him you could imagine him doing the things he did in the story.

In the fanfiction you were so stuck on, he had been calling the reader noona and she had bound him and played with him until he couldn’t take it anymore. Now when he was doing laundry, all you could imagine was him stripped down, sweaty and on his knees with his hands tied behind his back as a symphony of moans escaped his lips.

You had showed him this fanfiction and playfully teased him about it, of course he rolled his eyes at you and scoffed at all the ‘noona’ stuff. He had made it obvious that he thought it was just silly. But honestly your dreams were a little broken hearted by his reaction to the story. Of course you were too shy to come at him with a ‘hey wanna try this?’ But you were glad you didn’t upon seeing his reaction to it.

So why was he texting you wanting to try it now?

You glanced around the table one more time making sure the coast was clear. You ducked your phone below the table as Jungkook next to you laughed at something Yoongi had said.

“How did you know I wanted you to? I thought you hated it? How much of it are you willing to do?” You spammed him with questions before glancing over and watching his phone light up with a very quiet buzz, alerting him to your text.

You watched him smile just a little as he read your text. His fingers quickly tapped at the screen while attempting to still seem interested in what the others were saying, you had given up on that already though.

“I thought about it and realized that’s why you showed me. I thought about it and it’s worth a try, could be kinda hot. I’m willing to try it all.”

You couldn’t believe his reply. You felt like you were about to gasp for breath. You didn’t even notice his fingers tapping at his screen with fury once again.

“Do you want to tie me up noona? You can make me do whatever you want, or would you rather do things to me?”

This new text had you now choking on just air.

You grabbed for your napkin as you sputtered.

“You okay?” Your boyfriend asked from right beside you, placing a hand just right above your knee under the table. Everyone was definitely looking at you now.

“Yeah um, getting sick, I think.” You made up something on the spot.

Jungkook’s face held a false show of concern as he looked at you.

“Well we should probably get you home to get some rest, dinner has been over anyway.” He gave your leg a squeeze under the table and all you could do was nod.

“You two heading out?” Someone questioned but you didn’t pay attention to who, all you could think about was that damn fanfiction and your boyfriend who was making excuses to get you home so you could tie him up.

You have read so many stories about him being submissive, but it never actually happened, it wasn’t at all like the real him. The real him was to eager to always show what a man he actually was in bed, fucking you slow but hard enough you always wake up a little sore. If you were to be honest, it was always rather the same, but this time who knows.

Before you knew it he was standing and you were following suit and saying goodbye, eager to see how tonight played out.

It wasn’t mentioned on the car ride home, not even after you both got home and kicked off your shoes.

He strode straight for the bedroom, but simply just got into the closet to look for pajamas like he did every night.

Thinking it was all a joke or he had forgotten or was too tired, you slipped off your dress and began taking off your nice dinner dress and earrings.

You still didn’t pay much attention until his hands came went to your waist from behind you, in them you felt something rough and scratchy.

He tried to kiss your neck but you looked down to what he held in his hands.

Rope.

“Where did you get rope? When? What?” You were obviously surprised that he put any effort into this. A thought crossed your mind that maybe he wanted this almost as much as you.

“Bought it yesterday while you were out.” He went back to sucking at your neck, but you had to look at him, make sure he was into this. You took the rope from his hands and turned around in his arms to face him, but all you could see was lust in his eyes that stared at your lips. You could feel him getting hard against your body.

“What are you going to do to me, noona? What’s your plan?” He whispered to you.

You hadn’t really thought it out from the time you found out this might happen during dinner and now.

“On your knees.” You commanded the first thing that came to your mind. The speed at which his knees hit the floor before you was astounding. He looked up at your wide eyes with devilish want for you still in his smirk. You wanted so desperately now to wipe that look off his face.

He watched you in your bra and panties with rope in your hands, come around behind him.

“Hands behind your back.” Your command sounded more hard now that it had a drive, a drive to make your boyfriend not look so damned cocky and conceited. He looked so proud that he was blowing your mind with this and you hated it, you felt like he was showing off yet again, trying to be the best. But you were going to show him you were in control now.

He crossed his wrists behind his back and you tied them pretty tightly, he seemed surprised.

“Don’t want you getting loose Kookie.” you told him as he tugged at the ropes to test. You knew he would’ve broken free and laughed at you if he could’ve or if you hadn’t tied them well enough.

Still from behind, you run your fingers through his shaggy wavy hair before grabbing a hand full and tugging it back until he faced up.

Your jaw nearly dropped when he let out a low moan with closed eyes.

You suddenly remembered something he told you one night when you were both talking about all the things you were into.

Pain.

He liked pain, that’s why he was doing this, not only because of your fantasy.

“Stand up.” You released his hair and went to half drag him to his feet by the ropes around his wrists.

You went back around to the front of him only to get to your knees now to undo his dress pants which sported the massive erection within them.

He kicked his pants off and you looked up at at him with his hair hanging in his eyes that drank in the position you were in in front of him. His cock twitched in his underwear.

“Do you really think I’m going to suck your cock Kookie?” You asked and he looked like you had just dashed his hopes.

“Well it would be nice.” Came that bratty attitude again, but you could tell he was trying to play with you, to anger you. It worked.

You stood and commanded him back onto his knees.

“Pick a safe word.”

He laughed at your newest demand.

“I don’t need a safe word. I can take whatever your cute little hands-”

“Your safe word is red.” You interrupted sick of his attitude, “now go sit on the bed.”

He did as he was told and took a seat right on the edge of the bed, watching you walk over to him with his bound hands still behind his back.

You lifted your hand to his face and squished his cheeks between your pointer finger and thumb, hard. You thought the little pout you were making him do would be cute if it weren’t for the dark look in his eyes.

“I thought you knew upon starting this that you weren’t in control here, kookie? Now shut your little cocky mouth.”

He muttered something but it was muffled with his cheeks still smushed together in your hand.

“Hm?” You asked and dropped your hand to see the red marks your hand had left on him.

“I said,” he began as he looked you in the eye “that the moment you untie me, I’m going to completely destroy your pussy. You know that right?”

Your heart hammered at the thought of him pounding into you, but that wasn’t what was going to happen tonight.

“Who said I was going to let you come while you’re untied?” You lifted a brow and teased him. “Now, let’s get this started, shall we?”

There was no snarky remark as you sank to your knees in front of him. You very slowly and one by one began to undo the buttons on his crisp, white dress shirt. You waited for a complaint from him for you to hurry it up, but it never came. You simply just left his shirt undone since you couldn’t take it off with his hands being tied.

He quickly leaned forward and kissed you ferociously. You took your bottom lip between your teeth and pulled slightly before releasing it. His eyes closed as he let out an almost inaudible moan.

“Fuck.” Left his lips before they curved into a devious smile at you. “I bet I could get you to untie me.”

“I’m not going to untie you.” You said as you placed your hand on the fabric of his underwear that now stretched over his hard, leaking cock. Just you messaging at his cock at this point made him moan loudly with eyes squeezed shut.

“Baby, I swear to god I’m going to rip that bra and panties right off of you.” His voice was almost a growl. Your panties were already soaked by this point.

You took your hand off of him, he opened his eyes and looked at you in surprise.

“I don’t want to hear another thing from you unless it’s whimpering or moaning, got it?” He looked like he wanted to sigh, but he dared not, instead he just gave in and nodded. You thought he was beginning to understand that maybe if he cooperated then he would have much more fun.

You tugged his underwear and he lifted for a moment so you could take them off. His hard length sprung from the material the moment you had dragged it from hips.

You thought about taking his thick cock in your mouth, you desperately felt the need to take him so deep into the back of your throat just like he liked. You couldn’t help but salivate at the thought.

“I know you like what you see, baby. Your pretty little mouth always been a whore for my cock.” His filthy words were only making you wetter as you tried to relieve your needful, pulsing pressure in your core by squeezing your thighs together.

He seemed surprised when you actually did wrap your lips around the head of his cock.

He let out a long groan of satisfaction with his head thrown back as you very slowly pushed his cock into your throat, gagging you and bringing tears to your eyes.

You didn’t keep him in your mouth long though, just enough to cover him entirely in a thick coat of your spit.

His eyes were on you once again.

“Fuck baby, put me back in your mouth.” It was both a demand and plead, but you just shake your head teasingly. His eyes went dark again as he spoke.

“The second I get out of this I’m going to face fuck you until-”

“You’re not getting out until I’m done with you.” You cut him off and with that, you wrapped both hands around his twitching girth and began to pump him, twisting your hands just a little as you did so. Countless throaty, moans left him as you finally satisfied him. Your hands ran up and down his length faster and faster.

“That’s it, that’s it, just like that baby.” He whispered out breathlessly as his forehead and chest began to look shiny and sticky with sweat.

His pants were coming harder and faster now, you knew all the telltale signs of him about to reach his limit.

Your hands came off of him and his head snapped up to you in frustration with an expression that could only be read as ‘really?’

When his breathing slowed back down you took him back in your mouth, but again, only to wet his cock. He grunted as he tried to buck his hips into your mouth for a need of satisfaction, but you held his thighs down firmly.

“Damn it.” He huffed and you could only do your best to stifle a smile.

“You’re cute when you’re frustrated.” You told him.

“And you’re cute when you’re on your knees in front of me, it’s not so cute though when you don’t let me come.”

You had had enough of his mouth.

You stood from where you had been kneeling between his legs, headed over to your dresser and rummaged around in the top drawer until you found exactly what you were looking for.

You went back over to your original position on the floor now holding up the blue vibrator in front of him. You normally used it on yourself during sexy phone calls with him while he was away on tour, but now you had other ideas.

“And what are you going to do with that?” You could see him lifting a brow under his mess of shaggy hair.

You didn’t even reply before clicking it on from the button on the bottom and holding the tip to the leaking head of his cock.

“Oh god” it was a mix of a gasp and a moan. You lewdly spat in your free hand and used it to very slowly and teasingly stroked his shaft to bring him more pleasure.

Every time he would try to buck his hips into your hand for faster friction, you would stop for a moment. He seemed to get more and more frustrated as this went on until it didn’t seem to matter how slowly you were working him, he was about to come.

“Please I just want to fuck you so badly, I want to be so deep in your wet, warm cunt.” He panted looking totally fucked out of his mind.

You took in the way he looked at this moment and realized that this is exactly how you had imagined him in the fanfiction.

His white dress shirt hung off his shoulders, his head was thrown back, mouth agape letting out whines and moans. You could see the sweat glistening his exposed skin and his dark hair hanging carelessly in his eyes. His cock was alone was a sight, it swollen, rock hard, twitching and dribbling sticky precum all over the head. His hands were still helplessly bound and he couldn’t do anything about it all.

“Please, please just let me come.” Over the past few minutes he had finally resorted to begging, and that was what you wanted. Your panties had been soaked through long ago and the need to have something fill you was almost unbearable.

You took the vibrator from the head of his cock and his brown eyes watched closely, as if in a trance, as you licked clean his precum off of the blue silicone.

“Now,” you declared “You’re going to watch me fuck myself with it.”

He blinked hard at you a few times as his brain was trying to process what you had just said.

His next reaction confused you.

His lips pulled to one side and formed into a smirk as his eyes narrowed at you.

“Is that so?”

He seemed so amused by something.

You thought you had tortured the cockiness at this point, but apparently you were wrong.

“Baby?” He asked and you hummed in response.

“What’s the safe word again?”

“Red. Why? Are you going to use it.” You almost scoffed at the thought of him wanting to give up this far in.

“No” his hands came from around his back, one dangling the rope that once had him bound. “I’m going to make you use it.”

A sense of both dread and excitement over took your body as he stood to his feet and shrugged the white dress shirt to the floor.

“Now get on the bed, bitch.”

Had he just called you a bitch? He had. He had definitely just called you a bitch. You weren’t angry, you knew it was all just rollplaying. If he wanted to play, you were going to play.

You couldn’t believe what you were about to do to your loving, sweet boyfriend of the past two years as you stood to your feet in front of him and looked him in the eye.

Before you knew it, you had done it. Your hand had collided with the side of his face hard enough to sting your hand and push his face to the side.

You were unsure of his reaction as he brought a hand up to the now reddening spot and looked at you.

“Baby? What’s the safe word one more time?” He asked through gritted teeth.

“Red.” You barked out nervously.

“Good. Remember that. I love you.”

Before you could even say it back he had thrown you onto the bed.

With his newly released hands, it didn’t take much for him to rip your bra entirely in two before doing the same with your matching black panties.

You went to object but he just quickly muttered out; “I’ll buy you new ones, now open your mouth.”

He had you by the hair now, dragging you as you half crawled over to take his cock.

He thrust right into your throat, you held back a gag.

“You like that? You like it when I fuck your pretty little throat? Don’t think I didn’t-” he grunted as he pulled back and pushed down your throat again “I didn’t notice you drooling over my cock.” You gagged as he pounded into your mouth, bringing tears automatically to your eyes.

When he pulled out, he pushed you back onto the bed. You were amazed that he had held out this long, but then again he once fucked you for two hours straight in the shower.

“Spread your fucking legs.”

You did as you were commanded to but instead of him sliding his cock in, his fingers slid into your soaked core roughly. You let out a whine as the need to have something inside of your greedy pussy was now satisfied, but you needed more.

“Now how about you taking a turn to play this game? If you want to come tell me who’s cunt this is?”

You let out another pathetic whine as his other hand came up to rub fast circles on your clit.

“Huh? Who’s pussy is this? I’ll stop.”

“You, you. Yours. You.” You sputtered out at his threat, you were so close to coming, you could feel it just beginning to creep in when he pulled his hands away from you.

“Sucks, doesn’t it?” He let out a little amused laugh as you now wore the same frustrated look he had.

“Fuck me.” You demanded wanting it so badly you would do anything for it at this point.

“Oh you better believe I’m going to.” But he pushed his fingers back into you again “come for me.” His other hand went back to your clit. You were so ready, so focused on coming around his fingers that you didn’t expect him pulling them out once again the moment you were just about to reach your end.

You looked up at him with anger in your eyes as he wore that stupid smirk that was now making your blood boil.

“If you’re going to come, it’s going to be around my cock stuffing you full of my come.” As he said this he readied himself in position between your legs, you let out a half moan half sigh of relief as he pushed into you hard.

He lifted your legs over his shoulders and began pounding at you deep and hard. Your hands somehow managed to find a place on his back and you couldn’t stop your nails from digging into his sweaty skin.

“Do you like it when I fuck you hard like this? You’re such a little fucking tease wanting me all tied up like that and not letting me come.” he asked and you let out a whine from the sheer force his hips snapped into yours over and over. Your mind couldn’t even form a single sentence, it was too busy taking in the sight that seemed to be the devil himself fucking into you and spewing vulgarities.

Your nails dug harder into his back as you felt your orgasm ready to rip you apart as he was trying to do.

He let out a deep moan at the feeling of your fingernails in his skin and that was what set you off. Your body filled with absolute bliss as you looked up at your sweet boyfriend who was fucking you like an animal.

“Fuck, that’s it, come around my cock you little whore.” His voice was quiet but stern.

Your nails now ran down his skin desperately in the midst of your fucked out haze.

“Do it again. I want to fill up your pretty cunt as it’s coming.” He commanded as he brought a hand up to your throat, not shutting off your air, but restricting blood flow to the arteries to make you light headed. Your body had listened to his command and as soon as you came a second time he released the sides of your neck making your orgasm that much stronger.

You felt the stutter of his hips as he pushed into you hard and began to let out choppy moans that mixed with yours. His face contorted in pleasure as you felt his hot seed pump into you.

You couldn’t help but just look at him with wide eyes, covered in sweat, panting like he had just ran a marathon. You had no idea what had possessed him, or either of you, but you had loved it.

“How was that?” He asked casually as he pulled out to lay beside you.

All you could do was just lay there with your mouth open as you thought back on everything had just gone down.

“So I take it you liked it.” You heard him chuckle “maybe next time I can tie you up?”

As if you thought it couldn’t get any better.

“Yeah,” you pant “yeah I’d be up for that.”

———

[ct-7386]

Lost and Found pt2

[Continuation of Lost and Found pt1 :)

The warnings on this part are a little more intense, so please be careful, and please let me know if I missed a tag or tagged something wrong.

Also, yes, I named Vada Squad after the U.S. state Nevada - because the youngest trooper of the squad is named Reno (the capital city of Nevada). lol.]

Authors: myself and @cc-4477commanderthire Characters: Commander Thire (them); CT-7386, Vada Squad (me) Word Count: 4k Rating: T+ TW: depicted depression and anxiety; referenced isolation (self-imposed and imposed by others); anxiety/panic attacks; mild dissociation; bullying; referenced past deaths (ocs); referenced assisted suicide; implied neglect

Mando'a Guide: Vor entye - thank you

Lost and Found pt1

The alarm of Thire’s comm beeps insistently to wake him up for his next shift.

86 wakes blearily to the familiar crackling of a comm going off - but something is wrong: he’s being held by someone he doesn’t immediately recognize, and he’s in a room that isn’t his.

He tenses and lets out a quiet whimper, afraid for a moment when all he can remember are different memories, different nightmares. Then the events of the last few hours come rushing back, and he finds himself relaxing back into Thire’s arms. 86 is safe here.

Thire groans and raises a hand to rub over his eyes. He looks down at his vod‘ika, grateful that the other didn‘t bolt in the middle of the night. “Good morning.”

His voice is still rough from sleep and he clears his throat before continuing, “Slept well?”

He, for one, will definitely have back aches and a stiff neck. Hopefully moving around won‘t hurt too much.

86 tries to nod, but pain shoots from the base of his skull up and around to settle just behind his eyes. He winces and sighs quietly, burrowing down against Thire’s sternum. There just isn’t time for a migraine this morning, and he’d rather not be more of an imposition.

But… he did sleep well. “Best sleep in months,” he admits quietly. “Kinda - Kinda sore now, though.”

Thire chuckles quietly, “I second that. I hope I‘ll be able to move my neck properly today.”

Without thinking he brings his hand up and lightly scratches the back of Wren‘s skull, “When does your next shift start?”

They still have some time until first shift because Thire‘s alarm goes off early to afford him some interrupted time to get work done.

86 goes boneless at the light touch, and he lets out a quiet sigh as the pressure in his head melts away. “That - That feels good, vor entye,” he mumbles.

He thinks a moment. “My shift is always -” He yawns, “always from 0800 to 2200 - later if there’s a gala or other event.” 86 frowns slightly. “What - What time is it?”

Thire moves his hand up 86‘s skull to reach different points and replies, “0600, no need to rush.”

He has ordered 86‘ squad to his office in an hour and decides to make himself a little more comfortable until then. So, Thire shifts until his back his straight on the floor and 86 is star-fished above him, “Ah, much better.”

It is a much comfier position than before, 86 realizes, and he gratefully arches his back like a tooka to stretch out the kinks before settling back down. He’s perfectly happy to doze here a little longer, basking in the warmth and comfort of a vod - a friend.

Thire reaches over and sets his comm to beep again in half an hour. He hugs his vod‘ika close once more and closes his eyes.

When it beeps again, he gently cards his fingers through 86‘ hair. “Let’s get some breakfast, okay?”

86 sighs and reluctantly wakes up. All he wants to do is snuggle back into that warmth, but Thire is right: it’s time to get up. He drags himself into a sitting position and rubs the sleep-dirt from his eyes.

“Are we going to the mess?” he asks, voice a little rough with sleep.

“Yeah, I ordered your squad here for 0700. But we should still have enough time.” 86 definitely deserves a warning ahead of time. Though it‘s arguable if half an hour early is really ahead of time.

“You can use the fresher first, I need to check if the Senate‘s still standing,” Thire gestures and walks over to his desk to check his comm on an actual chair.

86 freezes in place, eyes and face suddenly blank. Inside, though, he’s panicking. He even feels slightly betrayed. “You - You ordered m-my squad here?”

It hasn’t been long at all - a few days - since his fight with Cory, since he confessed his original sin to Fox. He doesn’t know if he can face the rest of Vada Squad so soon, doesn’t know what Thire’s intentions are.

“Well, I understand why you acted out the way you did in the Senate. But the fall-out wasn’t fun to deal with, and I need all of you to be civil with each other, even if you dislike each other. That is necessary for the safety of all my men.” Thire understands that this is incredibly uncomfortable for 86 but Vada Squad needs to properly function together, reliably.

But first, “We’ll get some breakfast and then we’ll talk to them. This won’t take long, I promise.”

He gently places his hand on 86’ shoulder and squeezes reassuringly.

86 looks away guiltily. He hadn’t meant to cause more problems for his commander, and he wasn’t even the one who technically started it - but he hadn’t ended it, either, or even brought it to Thire’s attention sooner. This conversation with his squad is, as much as he might hate to admit it, necessary.

(He told Thire he trusts him; now he has to show it.)

He nods and leans briefly into the hand on his shoulder before stepping away to use the ‘fresher. When 86 is finished, he waits awkwardly by the door for Thire.

Thire closes his pad with a sigh; today is going to be a long day. He stands up and stretches until his shoulders pop back into place and smiles at 86, “Let‘s go and get some caff, shall we?”

He leads the way to the cafeteria which is still mostly empty because it‘s almost one and a half hours until the start of first shift. There isn‘t a cue and they can get their breakfast right away. Thire leads them to a table at the back of the room where the Commanders usually sit (when they actually come and eat something other than ration bars).

86 follows quietly. With how early it is, no one even gives them a second glance as they get their food and take their seats. He sits with his back to the wall so that he can see as much of the room as possible - a habit born from before he had his implants and needed to see to ‘hear’ people; now it offers a sense of safety in an environment he’s not entirely familiar with.

Still not feeling terribly hungry, 86 chooses instead to sip at his caf. For once, it’s the perfect temperature right away: just hot enough to sting the tip of his tongue. That doesn’t keep it from tasting awful, though.

“I should - I should try to get the kitchens stocked with proper caf,” he comments idly. “I get better stuff in the - the lower levels all the time.” He takes another sip and grimaces. “Not that - that I really like caf.” Is he rambling a little to fill the silence? Yes. Will he stop? No. He needs something to distract him from the upcoming meeting with his squad.

Thire listens and prepares his food. “I usually steal my caff from Fox‘s secret stash. But don‘t tell him that. Besides, if you don‘t like caf, have you ever tried tea? My Captain once acquired some and it was quite nice.”

He checks his chrono to see if they still have time. 86 probably isn‘t eating out of nervousness so Thire decides to sneak him out some food, for afterwards.

86 nods. “I’ve had tea a few times. Plenty of - of senators prefer it, and many of them like to offer me some while - while I’m translating to help keep me from losing my voice. I have a couple blends that I prefer, but other - other than those, I don’t much like tea.”

His smile is small and a little strained, but it’s honest. “If I were to choose my - my favorite drink, though, it would be Correlian whiskey - and not the cheap stuff. The good stuff, all - all butter-smooth and burn. Alderaani wine isn’t bad either, and Pantoran mulled cider? Perfect. It has - has just a hint of spice to kick your palette, and it’s a little tart to go with the sweet. And - And if you warm it up on a - a cold day, it’s even better.”

He watches Thire check his chrono and resists the urge to ask for the time or check his own; if he doesn’t look, he can pretend the squad meeting is further off than it is.

“You have a fine taste. Personally, I‘m used to rotgut of any kind and enjoy a beer every once in a while,” Thire replies with a smile. He‘s glad that 86 feels comfortable enough to ramble to him.

Thire finishes up his food, “Are you sure you don‘t want any? There is still plenty of time.”

And he knows from experience that it is better not to enter these sorts of conversations on an empty stomach.

86 shrugs. “I’m a - a little spoiled spending all day in the Senate Building -” And the lower levels when he can get down there, but Thire doesn’t know that, “especially around the senators who don’t hate clones. Certain - Certain favors can result in good benefits, too.” He eyes Thire thoughtfully for a moment; he’ll have to get something special for him after all this trouble.

He grimaces down at his tray at the question, stomach clenching. At this point he’d almost rather just be sick to get it out of his system. “I think…” 86 sighs and chokes down a couple more bites of food before pushing the tray a little. He admits softly, “I d-don’t think I can - can eat anymore.”

“That‘s okay, you don‘t have to.”, Thire gets up and cleans their tablets away but bags two bread rolls. He‘ll force feed them to 86 before sending his vod‘ika on a senate shift without having eaten something.

He comes back to the table and together they walk to Thire‘s office. It‘s a couple minutes before 0700 when they reach it.

The knots in 86' stomach tighten as they near the room, and the insides of his gloves are clammy with sweat. 86 sucks in a sharp breath that does nothing to loosen the tight band around his lungs or the tight stretch of his skin over his bones or the anxious stutter of his heart. Standing in the middle of the room, he flexes his fingers; his hands are shaking.

At 0700 sharp, there is a series of precise, even raps on the door. Instantly 86 changes, posture straightening, shoulders relaxing, face adopting an expressionless mask. He looks calm and composed - exactly like the perfect soldier he is expected to be in the Senate Building.

And he hates that this is how he instinctively presents himself to his squad.

“Come in”, Thire calls out. He leans against his desk in a relaxed posture and takes in each of the incoming troopers, “Do you know why I called you here?”

Streak, the sergeant of the squad, waits for the nine other troopers following him to enter and remove their buckets before answering. All 10 pairs of eyes flick to 86, each expression varying. Streak's expression is blank while at least two others look irritated, and the youngest trooper looks carefully bored.

86 pretends not to notice any of it.

"I'm going to assume," Streak replies neutrally, "judging by his presence, that this has something to do with the altercation between Corporals Cory and 86."

One of the troopers who had glared at 86 hisses snitch under his breath, and 86 only barely controls the flinch that runs through him.

“This isn‘t about Corporal Cory or the altercation at the senate a couple days ago.”, Thire replies. His voice is cold as ice and his face is a careful, well-practised mask, “This is about the behaviour I just witnessed. None of you are shinies. Yet, you still act as such.

“You deliberately, without being prompted, discussed a private, internal squad matter in front of a superior officer. And you have shown that you also will do that in front of Natborns. Do you know what that means? It means that you‘ll be decommissioned sooner rather than later."

Thire fixes his eyes on every single one of them. “I had a private conversation with Corporal 86, and I‘ll also have one with Corporal Cory. But the rest of you are apparently no better.” He lets his disappointment be heard audibly.

Streak stiffens and slowly turns to glare heatedly at the trooper who had hissed before. "In front of natborns? Cory, you utreekov! What were you thinking?!"

Cory bristles. "What was I thinking? How is this my fault? 86 is the one who's got a problem!"

86' head ducks just a little, eyes now trained low on the opposite wall.

Thire watches them calmly argue with each other before his eyes. “So, you not only argue in front of superiors, but you also specifically use names so that I couldn‘t possibly save any of you by fixing the roll call afterwards? Congratulations, you‘re all dead men walking.”

Cory snorts and mutters, “Then we’ll be just like the bastard’s first two squads and his batch.”

One of the other troopers, one who hadn’t spoken yet, rounds on him in shock. “Cory!”

86 hears it as if from far away, head ringing, ears staticky. His hands are trembling - all of him is - and nothing but the painful tripping of his heart and constriction of his lungs is real to him anymore.

Vada Squad is not his first, or even his second. On Geonosis, the three survivors of his squad, including himself, had been reassigned to different posts. His first squad in the Guard was killed on patrol - while he was on duty in a different part of the Senate Building. All of that is information available to his sergeant who, with his permission, had shared it with the others. 86 thinks that might have been a mistake.

Words filter back in through the jumbled mess in his brain.

“- heard what he said in Lock Up!” Ah. That would be Ember, a sister and twin to Flare, the vod currently holding her back from punching Cory. “You can’t just - How can you still think that?! It wasn’t his fault!”

“He still killed them!” Cory is being held back by Streak and Waffle, the squad’s other sister. “How can we trust anyone who would kill vode at all? And he’s never here! How can we trust that aruetti to have our backs if he just ignores us all the time?!”

86 stands frozen, drifting numb and apart from the scene in front of him. A low throb is building behind his eyes, and he realizes distantly that tears are slipping down his cheeks, silent and unnoticed. This is why he never came forward, never said anything. He just wanted to keep this from happening… He didn’t want them to fall apart.

“Enough!” Thire‘s voice booms through the room. “Every single one of you is a disgrace to the Guard. I expect you to be better. You will be punished accordingly. Dismissed.

“Corporal Cory, report to my office after shift ends. And I want a serious explanation for your behaviour. 86‘ past won‘t convince me.”

Once the others have filtered out he turns back to 86 and places his hands on the shoulders of the vod. Slowly he guides 86 to sit on the floor and pushes his head between his legs. Softly he begins talking to him, “There you go, you‘re alright. It‘s going to be alright.”

86 focuses on the buzz of Thire’s voice and his own breathing, which is deceptively calm. It takes a few minutes before the numbness begins to fade, melting back from the tips of his fingers and toes back up his limbs until he thinks he might be able to move again.

The moment the numbness fades completely, it releases the steel band around his chest, and he folds in on himself with an actual sob; he’s still shaking, and he can feel his tears soaking the collar of his blacks where they’ve rolled down his neck. He’s a mess.

“I’m sorry,” he gasps. He doesn’t know what he’s apologizing for - his squad, his part in this disaster, his reaction to it - he doesn’t know.

Thire simply pulls him close and puts 86‘ head in the crook of his neck, “Nothing to be sorry for, vod‘ika. You did good.”

He gently rubs 86‘ back and continues to talk to him quietly. The position isn‘t exactly comfortable, given that they're both in full kit, but he keeps a tight grip on his brother nevertheless.

Just like the night before, it takes some time before 86 has calmed down some. Despite the uncomfortable position, he leans heavily on his commander, not quite able to hold himself up.

“W-What - What happens - happens now?” he hiccups. The hard plastic of Thire’s kit digs into him, but the discomfort helps ground him in the present moment, and he never wants to leave. More quietly he admits, forehead pressed against the unarmored stretch of Thire’s neck, “I don’t know what to do.”

“You‘re not alone, 86. Corporal Cory might be angry and hateful, but some of your squadmates defended you. And that means there is hope.” Thire pauses and lightly scratches 86‘ head.

“Part of the problem is that you‘ve never found each other as a squad. And, I know that that‘s a lot to ask, but maybe try and seek them out a little. For example, that sister of yours who defended you against Cory, I‘m sure she would like to spend some time with you, hmm?”

Thire’s going to seek her out and ask her to include 86 occasionally, he thinks. His vod‘ika isn‘t exactly socially confident, and there is a lot of baggage in his squad relationships.

86 laughs a little wetly, a little more of the tension melting as Thire scratches at his head. “Ember. I - m-maybe. She’s - She’s good. She’s n-never been - never been cruel like C-Cory or cold like Waffle and Tax. Ember and her twin, Flare, they both - they both have s-stopped Cory from being too h-hurtful before, though they l-let the antagonism and - and passive aggressiveness slide.”

He exhales shakily and presses closer. “S-Streak… He’s just bitter. He tried to - to get Cory and I to stop, at first, but when n-nothing changed, he became irritated. The longer he spent with Cory, the m-more he - he subconsciously began to believe what was being said, and he started blaming m-me for how Cory an-and I could never get along.”

“Reno, our youngest, he’s - he’s good though,” 86 admits softly. “Poor - Poor kid just got thrust into the m-middle of this shit. He doesn’t talk to me because he doesn’t want C-Cory and the others to - to be mad at him, too.”

Thire slowly rubs up and down 86‘ back, and hums along soothingly. He‘s glad that 86 is talking to him and listens attentively.

“I‘m sure they don‘t always hang around as a big group, so you can talk a little to the twins, hmm?”

He doesn‘t want to jostle them too much but needs to shift slightly to prevent his leg from falling asleep before he hugs 86 close once more, “Do you have anything you‘re interested in? Something you could enjoy spending your time doing?”

86 makes quiet, thoughtful noise. “May-Maybe. I can - I can try? Talking to them, I mean. It can’t be that hard, r-right?”

He uses Thire’s shifting to remove at least the chest and back pieces of his armor; the edges were starting to dig into him uncomfortably with the way he was pressing close to the commander. 86 relaxes into the hug, and when Thire asks his next question, he flushes and tucks his face against Thire’s neck. It’s so easy to talk to Thire - though that might have something to do with the way 86 feels sort of drunk on the closeness and the friendship and the caring.

“I - I like flowers,” he mumbles, a little embarrassed, “growing them. Other plants too, but flowers mostly. The science is fascinating, the process cathartic, and - and plants make sense. People d-don’t, even though I work with them all day. With plants, I just - I just know when somethin’ will work or not, if it needs more water or light, and they - they don’t want anything from me. Just…” 86’ sigh shudders slightly, and his voice becomes smaller. “I can - I can say no, and they can’t be mad at me. They’re simple.”

86 knows he sounds a little crazy, talking about the plants as if they’re something close to sentient, but to him they are. He wouldn’t know how to explain how he really does just have a knack for the plants he grows - an instinct, even. It’s just how it’s always been.

Thire smiles, “Plants are a good interest to have. Do you have someplace where you grow them yourself?”

Belatedly he realizes that that is probably a threatening question coming from a superior and adds, “You don‘t have to tell me where, and I won‘t go looking for them.”

He reaches up and softly ruffles 86 hair and tucks his vod‘ika even closer. If he could he would hold him close and just never let go again. Hide him from the world and protect him from its cruelty. It pains him physically that he can‘t.

The question makes that familiar anxiety build in his chest again - but Thire’s next words soothe it away. Still, he hesitates before answering.

“I - I do. I found a place out of the way where no one would - would stumble across it, and I found ways to get w-water there without using the Guard’s rations. I… I know some people who were able to - to supply me with various things I might need. And now…” 86 hums, eyes slipping closed again. “It’s safe for me there. I like to - to take my food down there at night after shift, and I - I like sleeping there, too,” he admits softly. “No one who hates me, and I have less nightmares.”

“I am glad you have found something worthwhile to spend your time with. I‘m sure you‘ll also find people in time to share your hobby with you, vod‘ika.” Even though Thire doesn‘t want to, he lets go of 86 and helps him to stand up. “Sadly, shift starts in 5 minutes and we both have meetings to attend to. So I‘m afraid we have to go now.”

As they leave the office Thire stops and knocks their heads together in a keldabe, “I‘ll always be there if you need me or just want to talk with someone. Don‘t you dare forget that.”

86 gratefully accepts the help up even though he finds he doesn’t want to go. For once, he doesn’t want to leave the presence of a vod - the very thought makes him want to curl into himself all over. But he stands up and puts his front and back plates back on, tugging his armor into something straight and presentable for the day.

The unexpected keldabe has emotion swelling up from the bottom of his stomach until it presses against the inside of his chest, throat, eyes until he wants to cry all over again. This is what it’s like to be wanted. He’d very nearly forgotten.

He leans hard into the keldabe, eyes scrunched shut and breath stuttering harshly as he tries to control his tears. “Vor entye,” he breathes. 86 blinks rapidly as he draws back and musters a smile. “I - I’ll try not to forget. And i-if I do, I’ll…” He squares his shoulders, helmet tucked under his arm, eyes glinting determinedly, “I’ll f-find you, sir. Promise.”

86 relaxes, smile coming back a little stronger and brighter - truer - than before. Then he turns and begins making his way to the Rotunda. They really will be late if they don’t hurry.

Thire smiles after him before turning around and walking to his own first meeting of the day.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

hi steph, is there any mycroft-centric fic?? i just have mycroft feelings recently

Hi Nonny!

Ahhhh, most, if not all, of my recs are Johnlock centred :( BUT do have some where Mycroft is in the fic or plays a part in Johnlock, so I shall direct you to this list below, AND take an opportunity to update another Mycroft List I have had ready-to-go for awhile now, Pt. 2 to my “Mycroft Plays a Role” list :) 

Here are the ones more focussed on Mycroft:

Mycroft Flirts With John

Matchmaker Mycroft 

Big-Brother Mycroft 

Big Brother Mycroft Pt 2 

Whereas in this list below, Mycroft helps Sherlock as a character to move along a plot or helps Johnlock happen (hence the difference in Big Brother and Playing a Role... it makes sense in my head lol). I hope it’s okay I’m using your ask to launch this part 2! <3 I just really like having excuses to post lists I already have done LOL.

As always gang, if you have a fic that Mycroft plays a significant role to help move the plot along, please add them below! I genuinely like Mycroft in fics as the deus ex Mycroft, LOL. :D Enjoy!

MYCROFT PLAYS A ROLE Pt. 2

See also: Mycroft Plays a Role in This Fic

Black Cars by johnsarmylady (T, 1,186 w., 5 Ch. || Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Post-TRF) – John is getting on with his life...if only he didn't see black cars everywhere! A short Post Reichenbach tale in 221B style in 5 parts.

3:00 in the Morning is a Great Time to Talk by Aztecwarfareandcrumping (K+, 1,775 w., 1 Ch. || Hurt / Comfort, Friendship, Bed Sharing, First Person POV John, Cuddling, Worried Sherlock, Comforting John, Platonic Affection/Love) – "Are you trying to talk your way into my bed?" "Obviously."

Crisis Averted by Spartangal22 (T, 2,188 w., 1 Ch. || HLV Fic, Missing Scene After Confronting Mary, Canon Compliant, Sherlock Whump / Mary Shot Sherlock, Family / Friendship, Hospitalization, Sherlock POV, Holmes Brothers) – Lying in the hospital, Sherlock receives some surprising visitors, and manages to deal with two problems he's been having lately. A missing scene from HLV about a formal introduction that was never made and a visit that was never shown.

As You Wish by PipMer (K, 3,311 w., 1 Ch. || Bromance/Pre-Slash/Epic Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, John Whump, Hospitals) – When John woke from his coma, he wasn't at all surprised to see the wrong Holmes brother sitting at his bedside. Disappointed, but not surprised.

Caffeine and Adaptive Programming by DemonicSymphony (E, 5,540 w., 1 Ch. || Androids AU / Bond Fusion || Android Sherlock, Coffee Shop AU, Pining John Hinted Bond / Q, Toplock) – Sherlock is a coffee shop android slowly falling for a regular customer. But he's not supposed to be able to feel emotions.

Hide and Seek by Arwen Jade Kenobi (T, 6,934 w., 1 Ch. || Angst, Rev. Reich-ish, Mycroft is a Dick, Depression, Case Fic-ish, Friendship, Reunion) – Pseudo sequel to "The Refining Fire." "You owe him the truth, and you owe me the proof that will convince him that I had no part in this."

What Did I Do Wrong? by Starlight05 (T, 7,880 w., 5 Ch. || Hurt Comfort, Angst, John Whump, Hospitalization, Worried Sherlock, Emotional Turmoil, Nightmares, Sherlock Being Dumb) - After John almost dies on a case, Sherlock disappears. So John is left to figure out what he can do to get his best friend back. Meanwhile Sherlock, guilt-ridden and willingly alone, is doing everything he can to stay away.

There's So Much Labour Just in Breathing Lately by Susan (E, 12,708 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF / Mentions of S3 Events, Romance, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Grieving John, Mutual Pining, Meddling Mycroft, Therapy, Ambiguous Hopeful Ending, Infidelity) – The dreams he hated most – the ones that left him a sweating, shaking mess when he woke – were the ones in which Sherlock was just Sherlock. Laughing or drinking tea. Sitting across the table from him at Angelo’s eating pasta. Trailing his open hand behind him on the way to the bedroom. “C’mon, John. I’m about to have my way with you.”

Shuteye Shenanigans by Ayakae (K+, 13,263 w., 8 Ch. || Post-TRF, Friendship / Epic Bromance, John’s Nightmares, Angsty Fluff, Bed Sharing, Humour, Cuddles, Taking Care of Each Other, Domestics) – John Watson has never slept with Sherlock Holmes. Never ever ever. And never will, thank you very much. Well, there was that one time, but John didn't count that. It was completely different, just like the second time it happened. And the third. And the fourth. Epic bromance, but it can be read as pre-slash if you wish.

The Palmyra Atoll by elwinglyre (E, 16,609 w., 3 Ch. || TSo3 Divergence / Episode Fix-It, Stockholm Syndrome, Kidnapped John Watson, John Whump, Evil Mary, Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Toplock, Limited 3rd John POV) – As John's preparing for the wedding, Sherlock is preparing to have his heart broken, and Mary is prepared to do the unthinkable. Intervention required. Enter Sherlock. Set before Sign of Three with a far different outcome. John is drugged, kidnapped, and left on an island, but not just any old island.

Hope for Heroes by Richefic (K+, 16,887 w., 5 Ch. || Post-TGG Fic, Introspection / Flashbacks, Friendship/Epic Bromance, Hurt/Comfort, Worried/Anxious Sherlock, Sherlock Admires John, BAMF John, John Deduces, Fancy Party, John’s Self Esteem, Domestics) – In the final moments of "The Great Game" Holmes hopes he will have the chance to tell his flatmate that he was wrong. Heroes do exist after all and the one in front of him is called Dr John Watson.

I Think I've Come A Long Long Way To Sit Before You Here Today by ArwenKenobi (T, 18,251 w., 3 Ch. || Grief/Mourning, Passage of Time, Major Character Death, Alternating POV, Sherlock Whump, Pining Sherlock, Hospitalization, Coma, Revenge Murders, Hallucinations, Love Confessions, Brutal Accident, Mystrade, Ghost John) – One year after John is killed Sherlock starts to wonder whether John has actually gone anywhere.

The Kepler Problem by kinklock (E, 24,270 w., 1 Ch. || Sci-Fi AU, Alien Sherlock, Space Repairman John, Alien Biology, Horny John) – Working in uncharted space exploration was not as exciting as John had hoped, especially when it turned out to be mostly bot maintenance on uninhabited planets. However, the mystery of the repeated, unexplained malfunctions on planet BAK 2212 might turn out to be exactly the kind of adventure he'd been craving.

The Winter Garden by Callie4180 (T, 31,213 w., 13 Ch. || Post-S4, Retirement, Christmas, Slow Burn, Grown-Up Rosie, Parenthood, Rosie’s Cat, Angst with Happy Ending, Holidays, Beekeeping, Magical Realism, Sherlock POV, Sherlock’s Violin, Future Fic, Sussex, Honey, Magical Healing Honey, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Scar, First Kiss, Touching, Mycroft is Dying) – As Sherlock nears the end of his career, he's given the gift of a cottage in Sussex. The honey from the beehives out back is amazing. Almost...magical.

The Whore of Babylon Was a Perfectly Nice Girl by out_there (E, 32,897 w., 1 Ch. || Past Drug Use, Blowjobs, Toplock, Mentions of Switching, Rough Sex, Background Cases, Sherlock’s Past, Sherlock’s Sexual History, Experienced Sherlock, Past One Night Stands, Fingering, Cuddling, Possessive Sherlock, Paris Holiday, Bed Sharing, Naked Lie-Ins, Bathing Together, Confessions, Worried Sherlock, Laying in Bed All Day, Meddling Mycroft, Naked Lazy Day) – Sherlock walks into a room and takes all the space right out of it. He does the same inside John's head.

carrying up his morning tea by darcylindbergh (E, 34,504 w., 5 Ch. || Post S3, Minor Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Wakes/Funerals, Estranged John, Pining Sherlock, Depression/Insecurity, Slow Burn, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Chronic Pain/Injury, Reconciliation, Awkwardness, Loneliness, Scars, Angst With Happy Ending) – His fingers tremble as he dials and he can’t force them steady. Familiar number, even though he hasn’t used it in two years. He isn’t even sure he should be calling it now, but she’d asked. She’d made him promise.

we have never seen a greater day than this by Lediona (T, 36,420 w., 7 Ch. || A Royal Night Out AU || WWII / VE Day, Prince Sherlock, Soldier John, Alternating POV, First Kiss, Bittersweet Ending, Homophobia, Dancing) – Peace. At long last. It’s VE Day and Prince William desires to join the celebrations. It is a night of excitement, danger and the first flutters of romance.

A Week is Just Seven Days Isn't It? by scifigrl47 (T, 39,906 w., 4 Ch. || Humour, Friendship/Bromance, Stroppy/Bored Sherlock, Undercover/Army John, Texting, Pining-ish Sherlock, John Whump) – When John heads overseas for a week, Sherlock's forced to fend for himself. It goes about as well as anyone could have anticipated. Which is to say, very, very poorly. Don't worry, things'll be fine in just seven days.

(Never) Turn Your Back to the Sea by DiscordantWords (M, 39,968 w., 7 Ch. || Post S4 Fix It || Grief / Mourning, Victor Trevor, Friendship, Sherlock is Not Okay, Nightmares/Flashbacks/Panic Attacks, Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, John Comes Home) – Baker Street is very much the same. Only different. And Sherlock is just trying not to drown.

Guidelines by WithLoweredVoices (M, 43,018 w., 15 Ch. || Winglock || Angels, Fantasy, Angst, BAMF! John, War, Jealous Sherlock, Possessive Sherlock, Jealous John, Falling in Various Ways, Needy Sherlock, Wings) – The Good Soldier, one of the oldest and strongest of the fallen, is offered a bargain: to live as John Watson and to Guide a fledgling archangel so that he will stay on the path of good. Of course, Sherlock Holmes has different ideas about his destiny. Fantasy AU. Warnings for violence, occasional gore, and a whole load of hurt and angst.

The Real Great Perfumers by shelleysprometheus (E, 45,355 w., 68 Ch. || Case Fic, Alternating POV, Gay Sherlock / Bi John, Canon Compliant with Divergence at TRF, Friends to Lovers, Oral / Anal, Pining, First Kiss / Time, Dev. Rel., Drugging, Body Worship, Bathing, Love Confessions, Travelling, Bottomlock, Cranky Sherlock, BJ’s, Alternating POV, Jealous John) – The case, this case. This extraordinary, fascinating, scintillating case. A house. Designed entirely by its eccentric owner, built by no less than five hundred expert tradesmen in the heart of Marrakesh. A house that had, seemingly not only driven its owner out, but also to his quite unpleasant death. And a perfumer, a chemist no less, the very thought of the secrets that house could reveal, would reveal was irresistible. Sherlock had to have this case ... and it seems, he also had to have John! Part 1 of the Forethought and Fire series

Impossible to Feign by achray (M, 49,204 w., 12 Ch. || TRF Rewrite / Reverse Reichenbach, Suicidal Ideations / Discussions, Drug Use/Abuse, Mutual Pining, Friends With Benefits, John Accepts his Sexuality, Anxious Sherlock, Meddling Mycroft, Depression, Hallucinations, Secret Agent John, BAMF John, Reunion, Make-Up Sex, Ambiguous Ending) – Sherlock leant forward, his long fingers curving round to grip John’s.“I won’t let him win,” he said, eyes hard. “I will do whatever it takes to get you out.”

Anchor Point by trickybonmot (E, 49,856 w., 80 Ch. || Truman Show AU || Psychological Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Dark Characters / Fic, Alternating First/Third Person, Protective John, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Tender Moments, Love Confessions, Hand/Blow Jobs, Cuddling, Jealous John, First Kiss/Time) – The world tunes in nightly for Sherlock, the ultimate in reality TV: Sherlock Holmes, a real person with a legendary name, unknowingly lives out his life in a staged setting contrived by his brother. Things get complicated when a retired army doctor joins the show to play the part of Sherlock's closest friend. This fic borrows its concept from the 1998 film, the Truman Show. However, you don't need to have any knowledge of the movie to enjoy this story.

Repairing the Broken Things by BakerTumblings (M, 75,252 w., 15 Ch. || S4 Compliant, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Trauma, Hospitals, Big Brother Mycroft, Misunderstandings, Realizations, Severe Accident, John Whump, Pneumonia, Medical Procedures, Bed Sharing, First Time, Healing, Happy Ending) – "I'm calling today to notify you that there's been an accident."

Points by lifeonmars (E, 53,791 w., 42 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || HLV Rewrite / Canon Divergence, Married Life, Pregnancy / Baby Watson, Drinking to Cope, Boxing / Fisticuffs, Clueless John, Angst, Minor Medical Drama, Tattoos, Christmas, First Kiss/Time, Eventual Happy Ending, Love Confessions, Doctor John, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, Case Fic, Drugging, Blow/Hand Job, Emotional Love Making, Parenthood, Passage of Time) – What if His Last Vow never happened? This fic picks up a few months after John and Mary's wedding, in an alternate universe where Magnussen doesn't exist, but Mary is still pregnant. Life continues -- just in a different direction. And slowly, Sherlock and John find their way to each other.

Never Change a Running System by Lorelei_Lee (E, 54,246 w., 18 Ch. || Pre-TRF, Romance, Humour, Drama, Sex Toys, Anal, Rimming, Masturbation, Frottage, Blow Jobs, Public Sex, First Kiss / Time, Virgin Sherlock / Loss of Virginity, Accidental Voyeurism, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Experiments, Naive Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock, Possessive Sherlock, Straight With an Exception John, Hand Jobs) – Sherlock discovers his sexuality – with far-reaching consequences for John.

A Hundred Crimson Sols by elldotsee (E, 55,536 w., 16 Ch. || Astronauts AU || Mars Exploration / Space Travel, Slow Burn, Shy Sherlock, Scientist Sherlock / Biomed Engineer John, Alternating POV, Mutual Pining, UST, Angst with Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Injuries, Suicidal Ideation, Zero-G Sex) – Will Holmes is a chemical researcher recognized widely for his contributions to the new Mars exploration program. Thanks to his ground-breaking developments, the IMMC (International Mars Mission Corporation) is one step closer to Martian colonization. Will and his team of scientists are headed out on the first of three manned missions before the first group of settlers arrive. Three days before launch, one of the crew has to be replaced. Will panics because...new people. The replacement is of course one John Watson, biomedical engineer and space hottie who was pretty sure he had retired from actual space exploration and was now content to work in the nice, quiet research lab. Can the crew survive this TOTALLY ROUTINE trip? Will they be able to endure each other for the looooooong trip in close quarters? Gonna be a wild ride... prepare for blast off. Part 1 of the SpaceBois go to Space series

The Thing Is by TSylvestris (E, 56,743 w., 21 Ch. || Case Fic, Dev. Rel., Anal/Oral, Blow Jobs, Meddling Mycroft, Drama, Romance, Humour, Casual Encounters, Pining Idiots, Possessive Sherlock, Orgasm Delay, Rough / Alley Sex, Public Sex, John Whump, Drugged John, Emotional Love Making, Awkward Relationship, Marriage of Convenience, Switchlock, BAMF John) – The problem with living with Sherlock, John thought, was that you never, never, ever knew the significance of anything. Like your flatmate's nose buried in your hair. Whilst you're in bed. Part 1 of Nitroglycerine

Lunar Landscapes by J_Baillier (M, 57,046 w., 21 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || S3/TAB Fix-It, Slow Burn Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Confessions, Drugs, Pain, Medical, Injury, Sherlock Whump, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Romance, Secrets,  Tragedy, Trauma, BAMF John, Doctor!John, Drug Addict Sherlock, Injured Sherlock, Grieving John, Idiots In Love, Protective John, POV John Watson, PTSD Sherlock, Sherlock is a Mess, Medical Realism) – An accident forces John to face the fact that Sherlock's downward spiral had started long before his flight to exile even left the tarmac.

The Burning by SrebrnaFH (M, 60,658 w., 24 Ch. || Reverse Reichenbach, Suicide, Depression, Hurt Sherlock / John, Separation, BAMF John, Good Big Brother Mycroft, Angst, Implied/Referenced Torture, Fake Character Death, Rescue Mission, Reconciliation / Reunion, Hospitalization, Marriage Proposal, Illnesses, Physical Therapy, Happily Ever After) – Something went very, very wrong. John had seemed, if not happy, then reasonably content with his life. Sherlock had never predicted something like THIS might have happened. Not in his worst nightmares. He was the lousiest friend ever, apparently. At least Mycroft found him something to occupy his mind with, so that he didn't have to go back to 221B and stare at the walls and the chair, where John Watson would never sit again.

The Bells of King's College by SilentAuror (E, 64,019 w., 5 Ch. || Post-S4, Missed Opportunities, Angst, Fake Relationship, Case Fic, John POV, Jealous John, John in Denial, Travelling / Holidays) – It's only been two weeks since Eurus Holmes disrupted their lives when Mycroft sends John and Sherlock to Cambridge to pose as an engaged couple at a wedding show in the hopes of solving six unsolved deaths...

Hell Sent, Heaven Bound by ConsultingHound (M, 64,381 w, 16 Ch. || Angels / Demons AU ||  Fallen Angel Sherlock / Angel Cop John, Alternate First Meeting, Slow Burn, Case Fic, John & Lestrade are Friends Before Sherlock, BAMF John, Mind Palace John, Friends to Lovers, John in Denial, Sherlock Picks Out John’s Clothing, Clubbing / Dancing, Mildly Jealous John, Awkwardness, Kidnapping, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Sacrifice, Worried / Anxious Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Immortal to Mortal) – Ex-War healer and current angelic guard John Watson is not having the best day. He overslept, he’s underpaid, and now there’s someone tagging the Council’s building walls. However things may be about to get interesting: there’s an unusual stranger hanging around (the definition of tall, dark, and handsome), a literal underground cult is brewing, and rumblings are coming from hell. Can he keep his neighbourhood safe, how and why is he being connected to all this, and who the hell is Sherlock Holmes?

Being John Watson-ish by elwinglyre (E, 69,902 w., 17 Ch. || Bodysnatcher AU || Author John, Cranky Sherlock, Angst, Sexual Tension, First Kiss / Time, Falling in Love, BAMF John, Past Soldier John, Feelings, Inside Someone’s Brain, Shy Sherlock, Sherlock Loves John, POV Sherlock, Switchlock, Slow Burn, Internal Dialogue, Mental Turmoil) – When consulting detective Sherlock Holmes steps on one toe too many at a crime scene, he's consigned to a desk job in an archaic office on the seventh-and-a-half floor of the New Scotland Yard. It’s in this bleak office that Sherlock discovers a portal into the mind of renowned author John Watson. Grander than his mind palace, this new wonderland affords Sherlock new vistas of experimentation. To learn more about the mystery behind the portal, Sherlock seeks out and befriends Watson. But then it all goes wrong when others find the secret portal door—including the man whose brain he visits.

The Vapor Variant by 88thParallel (CanadaHolm) (M, 72,684 w., 18 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-THoB, John Whump, Protective Sherlock, Guilty Sherlock, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD John, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Suspense, Virus, Sick Fic, Big Brother Mycroft) – They stood face to face in the middle of a clearing. The dim light of the moon barely allowed Sherlock to see the glassy terror in John’s eyes and the sweat that glistened off his forehead. His nose was bleeding again, blood dripping in a slow stream from his right nostril. They were both gasping for air, John’s eyes locked on Sherlock’s. There was no recognition there, just wild animal fear. Time stood still for an eternal few seconds, and Sherlock took a shaky breath. “John—”Spell broken, John spun and bolted back into the woods. Still heaving for air, Sherlock took off after him.

The Monument of Memory by J_Baillier (M, 79,663 w., 14 Ch. || Post S4 Fix It Fic / S4 is Canon, Angst, Family Drama, Guilt, Case Fic, John Loves Sherlock, Complicated Feelings, Mentalism / Hypnosis, Murder, Grieving John, Sherlock is a Bit Not Good, Team Work, Trust Issues, BAMF John, Psychological Trauma, Protective John, Autistic-Spectrum Sherlock, Parentlock, John POV) –  A genius traumatised by a past he's only beginning to recall. The psychopath sister that time forgot. A missing woman and a mentalist who may or may not be a murderer. And, in the middle of it all, stands John Watson.

The Summer Boy by khorazir (T, 94,706 w., 6 Ch. || Post S3/Post TAB/Alternate S4, Friends to Lovers, Asexual Sherlock, POV Sherlock, Flashbacks, Bullying, 1980′s Kid Sherlock, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Inexperienced Sherlock, Grief/Mourning, Pining Sherlock, Case Fic, Sherlock’s Past, Awkward Conversations, Anxious Sherlock, Mycroft Involved with Baby’s Separation from John) – About half a year after the fateful events at Appledore, Sherlock and John embark on a private case in Sussex. For Sherlock, it’s a journey into his past, bringing up memories both happy and sad that he has locked away for almost thirty years. For John, it means coming to terms with the present – and a potential future with Sherlock. Part 1 of the The Summer Boy series

Northwest Passage by Kryptaria (E, 95,157 w., 27 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Canadian AU ||  BAMF!John, Canadian John, PTSD, Anal / Oral Sex, Rimming, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Drug Rehab, Falling in Love, Pining Sherlock, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Violin, Panic Attacks, Switching, Anxious / Protective Sherlock, Hugs for Comfort, Suicide Mentions, Healing Each Other) – Seven years ago, Captain John Watson of the Canadian Forces Medical Service withdrew from society, seeking a simple, isolated life in the distant northern wilderness of Canada. Though he survives from one day to the next, he doesn't truly live until someone from his dark past calls in a favor and turns his world upside-down with the introduction of Sherlock Holmes." Part 1 of Tales from the Northwest

Given In Evidence by verityburns (M, 97,884 w., 19 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF, Angst, Drama, Case Fic, Romance, BAMF!John, Submissive Sherlock, First Kiss, Humour) – Coming back from the dead can be a complicated business. With a new case on the horizon, rebuilding a life is one thing... rebuilding a friendship quite another. For Sherlock and John, things may never be just the same...

The Cost of a Wish by slashscribe (E, 102,493 w., 12 Ch. || xxxHolic Fusion || Spirits / Ghosts and Magic, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Soul Mates / Fated Lovers, Adventure, Immortal Sherlock, Powerful John, POV John, Frottage, Wish Granting, Angst with Happy Ending, Nightmares) – John has been plagued by a secret his entire life that has made him feel hopeless until he meets a mysterious, seemingly omniscient man named Sherlock Holmes who owns a wish-granting shop. Their meeting sets off a series of inevitable events that will change the course of both of their lives forever.

Two Two One Bravo Baker by abundantlyqueer (E, 114,574 w., 27 Ch. || Military AU || Afghanistan, War Story, Thriller, Switchlock, Rimming, Emotional Lovemaking, Lots of Sex, HJ/BJ’s) – Captain John Watson of 40 Commando, the Royal Marines, is assigned to protect and assist Sherlock Holmes as he investigates what appears to be a simple war atrocity in Afghanistan. An intense attraction ignites between the two men as they uncover a conspiracy that threatens everything they’ve ever known, but Sherlock is as much hunted as hunter, and everyone close to him is in deadly danger. Can he solve the case in time to save himself and John? Part 1 of Two Two One Bravo Baker Universe

The Bang and the Clatter by earlgreytea68 (M, 137,049 w., 37 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Baseball AU || Slow Burn / Dev. Rel., Possessive/Obsessive Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock, Mutual Pining, Body Appreciation, Depression, Closeted Sexuality, Family, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Ogling Each Other, Anxious Sherlock, Panic Attack, Drunkenness, Talk of Forever, Big Feelings™) – Sherlock Holmes is a pitcher and John Watson is a catcher. No, no, no, it's a baseball AU. Part 1 of Baseball

Proving A Point by elldotsee & J_Baillier (E, 186,270 w., 28 Ch. || Me Before You Fusion || Medical Realism, Insecure John, Depression, Romance, Angst, POV John, Sherlock Whump, Serious Illness, Doctor John, Injury Recovery, Assisted Suicide, Sherlock’s Violin, Awkward Sexual Situations, Alcoholism, Drugs, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Body Image, Friends to Lovers, Hurt / Comfort, Pain, Big Brother Mycroft, Intimacy, Anxiety, PTSD, Family Issues, Psychological Trauma, John Whump, Case Fics, Loneliness, Pain) – Invalided home from Afghanistan, running out of funds and convinced that his surgical career is over, John Watson accepts a mysterious job offer to provide care and companionship for a disabled person. Little does he know how much hangs in the balance of his performance as he settles into his new life at Musgrave Court.

[violetwolfraven]

Late

((someone take away my writing skills. I wrote this on impulse and I hate myself for creating it))

Tw: death, sickness, guilt

...

“Hang on, Tugboat, just a little longer.”

Crutchie was struggling to keep his voice level as he dabbed at the younger boy’s forehead with a wet cloth.

This was a bad year for sickness. Most of the Lodging House had gone down for at least one day at some point during the season, but this was supposed to be the tail end of it.

This was supposed to be the end of the sick season, yet there was an 8-year-old in front of Crutchie burning with fever.

He and Race had taken care of everyone else, managed to nurse the ones that got sick back to health, managed to keep most of the Littles from even getting sick bad. They’d handled it pretty well for their first winter as leaders.

But they’d slipped, assuming it was safe because the last few of the older ones were recovering, and now Tugboat would slip away if they didn’t go to drastic measures.

Drastic measures meaning sending Race halfway across the borough to get Jack and Davey and praying they had medicine.

They hadn’t resorted to that before because Jack and Davey now made more than newsies did, but were by no means rich. They could barely afford the tiny apartment they shared. Crutchie and Race hadn’t wanted to ask them for help they knew the older boys would try to give unless it was absolutely necessary.

But it was now, at nearly midnight, as little Tugboat had taken a turn for the worse and was fighting for his life.

“Where’s Race?” Tug mumbled deliriously.

“He went to get ya help,” Crutchie explained, “Jack and Davey’ll have somethin’ to make ya better.”

He didn’t say that they didn’t know for sure if Jack and Davey actually had medicine. He was trying not to think about that. They had to have it, and they had to get back in time.

Tugboat coughed pitifully, but he refused the water Crutchie offered him.

“Crutchie, ‘m tired,” he mumbled, barely understandable.

No. No, no, no.

“Ya can’t sleep yet,” Crutchie said urgently, fighting to keep his voice from shaking with horror, “Don’t ya wanna see Jack and Davey? You remember them, right?”

“Can’t I see ‘em tomorrow?”

Crutchie was terrified the kid wouldn’t still be alive tomorrow if he let him fall asleep.

“No, they can’t stay that long. They’s busy tomorrow.”

Even delirious with fever, Tugboat’s pout looked stubborn.

“My head hurts. ‘M really tired, Crutchie.”

God, why couldn’t Race get back faster?

Crutchie took a shaky breath, trying not to cry.

The last time he’d seen someone sick this bad, that kid had died. It was years ago, near the beginning of the era when Jack was in command of Manhattan.

It was the year Jack became leader because the previous one died of sickness. They’d lost a few more good kids that year, and then none for the next couple sick seasons when Jack was in charge.

Jack would know what to do. Jack wouldn’t lose anybody like this.

God, why had Crutchie agreed to be one of his seconds in the first place? Why had he thought he and Race could do this? Why had he thought they might be anywhere near as good of leaders as Jack Kelly?

Why the fuck had Crutchie ever thought he could live up to Jack Kelly’s legacy?

Tugboat was in pain. He was barely clinging on, and he wasn’t going to be able to hang on much longer.

Crutchie was no Jack Kelly, but the least he could do was stay calm for him.

The other newsies said his smile lit up the room, so the least he could do was give Tugboat a little bit of light for now.

“Okay,” he whispered, “Okay, I’ll sit with you until ya fall asleep.”

Tugboat’s blinks got slower and slower, “What if I have a nightmare?”

Crutchie shook his head, taking a shuddering breath, “You ain’t gonna have a nightmare, Tug. I’ll be right here. You’re only gonna have sweet, happy dreams, I promise.”

He shouldn’t promise that, but... dammit, Crutchie had lost faith in God years ago and yet he was still praying for Tugboat to end up someplace safe and warm and happy.

“Papa... can you sing me a lullaby?”

Crutchie was already struggling not to cry just talking. He didn’t know how he could possibly maintain he composure to try to sing, especially when this tiny kid was so sick he was mistaking him for his father.

This was the kind of sickness that didn’t get better, and it never would have happened if Crutchie had just made the call to send for Jack and Davey a little sooner, before it was too late.

Tugboat wasn’t going to be here much longer, so he would try to remember the words to the lullaby Manhattan’s old leader used to sing to him and the others his age when they were Littles.

“Hush-a-bye, don't you cry,” he sang shakily, “Go to sleepy little baby... when you wake, you shall have, all the pretty little horses.”

Tugboat’s eyes closed, and Crutchie swallowed hard, trying not to think about how he would probably never see those eyes looking at him again as he wiped the sweat off the little boy’s brow and kept going.

“Blacks and bays, dapples and greys, go to sleep you little baby. Hush-a-bye, don't you cry. Go to sleepy little baby... when you wake, you shall have, all the pretty little horses.

Crutchie wondered how far away Race was, if he was on his way back with Jack and Davey.

He hoped the younger boy wouldn’t blame himself for this when no one could have been fast enough with the time he was given.

“Way down yonder, down in the meadow,” he sang, “There's a poor wee little lamby. The bees and the butterflies pickin' at its eyes, the poor wee thing cried for her mammy.”

Tugboat’s ragged breathing was slowing down, and though tears burned at his eyes, Crutchie forced himself to keep singing.

“Hush-a-bye, don't you cry.”

It was a good thing that the boy’s pain would end.

He would see his parents again when he was gone.

“Go to sleepy little baby.”

Life as a street kid was hard. Maybe in heaven, things would be better.

Crutchie wasn’t sure if he believed in heaven, but for Tugboat, he hoped it was real.

Even if wherever Tug ended up was better, he couldn’t stop himself from crying, knowing that it was his fault that the kid had to go so young.

“When you wake,” he sang, the words almost sobbed, “You shall have all the pretty little horses...”

The door downstairs banged open, but Tugboat’s chest was already still.

“Crutchie, we got it!” Race shouted at the same time as Jack’s voice asked someone urgently where they’d set up the sick room.

Crutchie turned around as Jack, Davey, and Race got into the doorway and saw the too-still child they were too late to save.

“I’m sorry.”

He meant the words as much to Tugboat for failing him as he did to his friends to assuage their guilt.

“You’re too late.”