#make them roll three nat 20s in a row

[morganbritton132]

Eddie doesn’t post much over Parents weekend. When he does post, it’s a picture to the Official Corroded Coffin twitter account of Wayne rocking a vintage CC sweatshirt (vintage as in Eddie made it for him before the band even existed).

Overly invested fans don’t have to fret though because whereas Eddie isn’t posting, the kids are.

Every year they fill out bingo cards with Very Specific Things that they think will happen over the course of the weekend and play to see who gets bingo first. This all plays out across their TikTok accounts because the rule is: if you don’t get a video, it didn’t happen (the rule was made after the cheating scandal of 2016).

The game is always centered around whoever is hosting so this round is Steddie-centric. So, no one makes it obvious that Steve’s mom clearly didn’t show up, but if you’re invested enough in his mama drama than you’d pick up on everybody’s effort to keep him engaged enough that he doesn’t really have to think about it.

(1) The first to get a piece on the board are El, Mike, and Lucas. They manage to catch on video Claudia Henderson fully lifting Steve off his feet when she hugs him. You get three different angles of Dustin next to them with the most ‘are you shitting me?’ look on his face because she hugged Steve first.  This is a staple of these events. It happens every time. Everybody had it on their bingo cards but the others didn’t get it on camera. 

(2) Will has ‘Karen says something that would’ve gotten Steve’s neighbor burned at the stake’ on his card. He posts a TikTok of Karen referring to Steve and Eddie’s salt and pepper shakers as ‘kitschy.’ Steve smiles and says, “I know! Eddie picked them out.”

(3) ‘Eddie stands on a table’ was banned from being on the card because it has happened at every single event ever. ‘Eddie falling off a table and being caught by Steve’ however? Very specific. Weird it happened. Lucas gets points, but also a little side eye.

(4)It’s not going to win Erica any points, but she posts a video of her mom talking to Robin about finding her a good man. Now, don’t get her wrong. Sue Sinclair’s LGBT+ ally-ship is only rivaled by Joyce Byers, but she never remembers that Robin is a lesbian and Robin is always too awkward to correct her. It’s like watching two robots have a conversation because Sue mentions that Dustin is single and Robin is just like, “And…short?”

Eddie is not in the video but you can hear his wheezy laugh next to her. Erica’s just like, “Would you use your inhaler or die somewhere else?”

(5)Dustin posts a video of Steve standing by the window, clearly lost in thought as he stares out at the road. You can see Eddie sneaking up from a distance but instead of scaring Steve, he takes him by the hand and spins him around so they’re facing one another. Dustin isn’t close enough to hear what they’re saying but you can hear him mutter ‘gross’ when Eddie presses Steve up against the window to kiss him.

Steve’s the one to pull Eddie towards the stairs going to the studio, but they don’t actually make it down them because Hopper pulls Steve away to talk to him. There’s an argument between the party in the comments of the video of if this counts as ‘Steve and Eddie sneak off to make out like teenagers in the studio’ because they don’t actually succeed in sneaking away.

(6) Every single person playing gets a video of Hopper looking at Eddie and asking if he’s on drugs. Eddie says, “I don’t doOoOo drugs, Dad. It’s just marijuana.”

Dustin gets an extra point for catching Steve’s eye roll. Eddie has repeated that phrase at least a hundred times since Dustin told him about the Russian elevator.

(7) Max and Dustin both score a point with ‘Steve and El pull a “prank” on Eddie’ and it’s just Steve very confidently claiming that he can roll a nat 20 easy-peasy just by rolling the dice in a special way. Eddie obviously calls bullshit and then Steve rolls a 20 three times in a row.

After the fourth time, Eddie narrows his eyes at Steve and then spins around until he spots El on the other side of the room and points at her like “YOU!!!” No one watching understands this video. There are fights in the comments about what the hell is even happening here.

(8) Max is the only one with ‘Eddie says ACAB’ on her card. She posts a video of her handwritten card and then pans the camera up to Eddie. They’re all sitting around a bonfire later in the evening. Steve’s practically in Eddie’s lap as Eddie says, “-exactly what I mean, ACAB! All cops are bastards!”

Steve: Not Hopper

Eddie: Especially Hopper! Are you kidding me? Do you know how much weed he stole from me?

(9) Mike catches Steve and Eddie sharing a cigarette on the front porch later that night. It’s only after someone edits the video to remove the sound of the wind that you can kinda hear Steve say ‘It’s just that this is kinda it, right? I opened the door and she slammed it in my face.’

Most of the conversation is inaudible, but Joyce catching them and taking the cigarette from them is not. Neither is her shooing them back inside and finishing the cigarette herself.

(10) The party members all end up staying the night and everybody sleeps in the living room since Hopper and Joyce have Steve and Eddie’s bedroom and Wayne has the guest room. Steve and Eddie sleep on the couch because Eddie’s back can’t handle the floor. Max and Lucas get an air mattress, and Dustin claims the other side of the couch with El since they’re the only single people there. Everybody else is on the floor

Max wins bingo with a one-two punch the following morning with Mike complaining that Steve stepped on him with his big ass sleepwalking feet and Dustin posting a picture to his Instagram of him, Claudia, and Steve with the caption “best moms a guy could have.”

[cupcakecoterie]

@true0neutral - Hazel, half-elf cleric

@fauxfire76 - Darvin, human bard/sorcerer

@hyperewok1 - Remi, human paladin/warlock

@miaaoi - Farideh, dragonborn sorcerer

@lindira - Clarity, tiefling rogue/warlock

Marion - Ava, human ranger

Brian - Barnabus, minotaur fighter

@lovefrometernity - Rylan, wood elf sorcerer

Honestly, it’s really hard to adequately cover a combat in any detailed way, but I’ll give some basic bullet points anyway:

Typical ancient white dragon fight for the most part, beyond Alisaie spending most of her time actually winding the Steelsinger-crafted chain around Varydel’s wings so he couldn’t fly. The plan eventually ended up being securing it on both ends with the Immovable Rod Froseth scoured at least two major cities in Equitas to find back in the day. Sphere of debuffing freezing fog, ice spikes, CHOMP, that kind of thing.

That ... was Phase 1.

I was rolling for integrity of the ground on lair actions, with the premise being that once a damage threshold was reached, the ground would give way. So the ground gave way, dumping Remi, Barnabus, Clarity, and Rylan into a pit with a few piles of debris and corpses making the only safe places to stand, because every other bit of ‘floor’ was covered with the black corrupting sludge, to an indeterminate depth. Varydel still couldn’t fly off at that point (less so at that stage, since the drop had dislocated both wings as well as binding them), and the chains were holding, but it dropped Varydel closer to those at the bottom of the pit than the ones on the ground.

So that was Phase 2. This got even more complicated. On top of the normal Ancient White Dragon Fight Stuff, the lair action became tentacles from the black shit; it wasn’t given enough time to corrupt, but it did restrain people and cost people their actions.

While Alisaie did get the kill shot (because my dice Be Like That; seriously, I rolled three nat 20s in a row the other day), MVP of this particular combat was Farideh, because without the Haste, the battle would have lasted a lot longer and been a lot less decisive.

They had some questions to ask about why there was all this black shit down a hole, since none of it looked like the wellsprings Remi and Barnabus learned about in the Silver Vault. Turned out from what information they could beg the gods for that someone had actually brought it there, contained in some kind of artefact. If they find the artefact, they might be able to figure out how to put the ooze back in, and get it out of Grey’s Inn.

It was a good fight, if a little complicated and fairly frustrating for all concerned. So that’s another ancient dragon down. Go, Cupcake Coterie!

[coconi]

So me and my dnd group finished our first 6-session oneshot last week (one of the Candlekeep mysteries, the Price of Beauty one) and here are some very disorganized and lengthy highlights:

We met our 4th party member, played by our DM: a gnome cleric named Saphina who was desperately looking for a missing friend. She serves Sune, goddess of beauty. Dante liked her immediately, Karmin was neutral, and Amdrus pointedly disliked her being so distraught (she wins them over later <3).

Shortly after entering Candlekeep, we got yeeted into a book and made it to a Sune temple, which was more of a bathhouse/resort. We went there to search for Saphina's friend.

The resort in question was run by three beautiful elf ladies (who turned out to be disgusting, evil hags): Azirssa, Greensong, and Morganna.

We met Morganna first and, while Karmin was trying to flirt with her, Amdrus tried to sneakily send his frog familiar out to scout. He rolled a nat 1 and our DM went "...so here's the thing: this is a stone floor". Cue the loudest echoing SPLAT ever as the frog hit the floor. We couldn't stop laughing.

We encountered a grouchy guy with a leg injury (Errich) and I completely misunderstood his very first words as a racist remark against dwarves. So Dante tried to intimidate him for info, failed, got pissed off at him, and tripped his ass as he was limping away. I felt terrible about it once I realized I'd been mistaken about him.

The temple offered multiple beauty treatments. Karmin (who, mind you, is a very hairy dwarf) decided to get a wax in order to seduce Morganna. He ended up looking like a baby seal.

Dante decided to get a massage. The masseuse ended up being a handsome drow named Ilmar who was actually a Harper agent in disguise trying to find his missing friend — Sylvarie, the previous (and rightful) temple owner.

Dante barely managed to learn all that by failing a deception check against Ilmar's nat 20 insight, which told Ilmar that even though Dante was indeed trying to get info out of him, his feelings of kinship and sympathy were genuine. Thus Ilmar became the party's ally and Dante became hellbent on (eventually) seducing him.

When the massage session was over and Ilmar was called away, Dante took the opportunity to search the room while Karmin kept watch outside. He proceeded to fail several investigation rolls in a row (DM ruled it was because the massage had been simply That Good) until he found anything. By that time, the manager had sneaked up on Karmin and was asking questions.

Dante thought of nothing better to do than to make himself look disheveled, open the door all "out of breath" and pretend he was just jacking off in there all nasty because of Ilmar's treatment. It worked beautifully and the manager said Dante was not the first one to do that sgfjhgkdf. I was dying inside the whole time 🤣🤣

Meanwhile, Amdrus decided to go to the garden and he got dragged into a hellish workout session with Azirssa, who was pretty much a dommy mommy health freak. He failed miserably, but he got to befriend a lesbian couple having marital issues (one of the ladies almost died doing the workout).

(Karmin's player asked the DM if he could roleplay one of the lesbians for funsies and he made her an alcoholic trophy wife. DM gave him a point of inspiration for it.)

In order to get them to work out their problems, Amdrus' aroace ass made up a beautiful story about a long-lost love from his youth. He also got a point of inspiration for it.

To be continued!

[cyanlastride]

can i tell you a story? for my own good, not yours. you have no obligation to listen.

im warning you now, its an unpleasant one.

the summer before grade 10, i made the best choice of my life. i was feeling a bit lonely, and inspired by my dad to try playing D&D. finding myself lacking real-life friends -- it was the summer, you see, the most barren and socially isolating time of the year, beating even christmas break -- i took to Roll20, an online forum where people meet and start TTRPG groups, dnd5e being chief among them. now, i grew up very closely to the internet. club penguin, nexuiz/xonotic, planeshift, i grew up socializing with people online quite often. but internet forums, even as dull as reddit, werent really my thing. hell, i only got this tumblr account recently. so, making the spur of the moment decision to make a roll20 account and reply to an LFG for new players was really quite a leap for me. a complete shot in the dark.

but it paid off. we had a bit of a rocky start after our first GM ran off never to be seen again, but one of the players stepped up to be our new GM and we played almost every week for almost a year and a half. i forged a strong bond with both the players and the characters -- at the time, i didnt really distinguish between the two. we had some close calls, a lot of near misses, and my character even died once. our party had two paladins, and i was one of them, so resurrection wasnt too big of a deal. eventually, though, we bite off more than we could chew, and land in some pretty hot water. specifically, an underground church full of rats. how we ended up there and the mighty battle that took place are wonderful and thrilling stories for another day. we had to stop the session mid-battle, i dont remember why, but we picked it up the week after. when we came back, we were prepared to fight to the last. if either myself or the other paladin survived, we could resurrect the party with the diamonds on the iron band i had forged around my wrist. if any of the other party members survived, they could bring the bodies up to the surface and get help. we just had to win the fight.

now, being a new player playing pretty much a pre-gen'd paladin, i went the standard plate armour plus sword and board. this made my AC suuuper high, enough that enemies could only really hit me on a roll of 18+. also, if they rolled a nat 20 against me, i had a magic shield that would absorb some of the blow and actually heal myself and my allies for a couple turns. so the only way they can actually hurt me reliably is if they rolled 18 or 19. i was facing off against some random rogue that i didnt know and didnt care to know. if i landed one solid hit on this lady, i could smite her into oblivion. she was a goon, basically.

a goon that rolled three 19s in a row.

a goon that killed me, and any chance i had of saving my friends.

rolling an 18 or a 19 on a 20 sided die is 1/10. rolling three in a row is (1/10)^3, or 1/1000. one in a thousand. that sounds small, right?

fate and chance make mockeries of our lives more often than anyone cares to admit.

we kept playing after that, made new characters, but the loss was real. that probably sounds stupid, especially to people that have had real people close to them die, but to me, my closest friends of the past year were gone because of a stupid chance.

ive taken small risks more seriously since then. i dont drive, and i stare drivers in the eye when i cross the street. im not scared of dying, but i want to see it coming.

when covid started, i spent a lot of time staring death in the face.

not my own death. i was/am unlikely to die from covid. i barely even go outside enough to be at risk of catching a cold. im young, and im healthy.

my parents are older, and less healthy. my mom is a highschool teacher.

ive spent the last 4 years thinking every so often about what i would do if they died. ive treated it as a real possibility that something could happen to them. ive been mentally preparing myself. even now that we're mostly out of the covid danger zone, that preparation remains.

i never considered what might happen if only one of them fell ill. when my dad messaged me that my mom was going into emergency surgery, i could handle that. when my mom was moved into the ICU, i was glad. she is getting the care she needs from experts and professionals, and shes doing okay.

when we get the call that my dad's father, who lives in a resthome in another city, hasnt been seen in two days and that the ambulance just drove away without loading anyone in the back, i can handle that. to be honest i really didnt know my pappa that well.

when my dad, my stoic old dad, breaks into tears after starting the sentence "they can't both die..."

thats harder.

one in a thousand.

its not as small as you think it is.

thank you for listening. my mom, my dad, myself, we're going to be okay.

[ace-culture-is]

DM ace culture is not know what to do when your player says they want to hook up with an npc when you flirted back with them

[hopefullygoodrpgideas]

Don’t make joke rules if they can create outcomes that you or your players won’t enjoy. Over the years of being around gamers, I’ve heard various stories about this sort of thing. Someone makes a joke rule, usually along the lines of if you do this low probability action, an incredibly powerful effect happens. If you get two nat 20s in a row your target instantly dies. On a roll of 100% on any check you instantly level up regardless of setting. If you roll triple threes you get superpowers. That sort of thing. Essentially, taking a low probability action and assigning great value to it. Often set out as a joke, because no-one could ever roll double 20s. Fun Fact: I once rolled double 20s twice in one session. One in 400 chances come up very often when it’s inconvenient. This then leads to something that neither GM not player actually particularly wanted. The classic one is attacking another PC as a joke and then instantly killing them, closely followed by instantly killing a major boss. As a GM you then have a choice between walking back the rule you implimented on the spot or having something undesirable happen in your game. This isn’t me trying to say “No Fun Allowed”. It’s simply an invitation to consider the results of your actions and the situations they can cause. Putting them behind a tiny chance of occurring doesn’t change that.

[jq37]

The Case File – Mice and Murder Ep 3

The Case of the Curious Clues

Before we start, a quick plea to Grant O’Brien: Please stop finding clues. I can only take notes so fast. You’re killing me Grant. Moving on...

We start off this episode with yet another flashback, this time to the final confrontation of Sly and his supposedly dead arch nemesis Fletcher Cottonbottom at Reichenbunny Falls (...Brennan please). Fletcher was using a local castle as a storage center for munitions but Sly tipped off the cops before they could be moved. They do some repartee back and forth before Fletcher, the madman, handcuffs them together and jumps off the edge. They hit the water but Sly is able to lockpick himself out and escape while Fletcher disappears beneath the waves. 

You know what I got from that story? No body.

Anyway, we jump back to the present where there *is* a body, Squire Badger’s specifically. Everyone in the room who isn’t a PC thinks that this must either be the work of ghosts or Mrs. M who was the only person in the room when it happened (allegedly). 

This is a crucial time for clue gathering and Brennan keeps everyone in initiative for investigative purposes. Now, *so much* stuff happens here that I’m not going to recap every single detail--just the major clues and the things that seem relevant. I’m serious, this is like the volume of info we usually get in the once per season later game lore dump ep but it’s episode THREE.

Daisy tries to find a secret door but critically fails. She clocks Gangie, a fellow criminal, and in the moment Rekha and Katie decide that they prob have worked together in the past even though they are very different kinds of criminals. 

Buck, who is outside listening to what’s going on in the room notices that his ankle knife is missing which is Concerning considering a man was just knifed to death. 

Sly has Lars guard the door (he opens it and Buck is discovered, whoops) and then rolls a NATURAL 20 plus NINE to investigate so Brennan just has to tell him literally everything. RIP to him and me. Anyway, here’s the rundown (along with some of the stuff other ppl got):

Mrs. M’s hands are covered in blood but she couldn’t have done it. Based on her personality for one and for other reasons we’ll get to.

The wound is much messier than it would be if a person stabbed themselves typically.

There is a note in Squire Badger’s handwriting that says “Sylvester Cross I am afraid” No indication of if that was the whole message or if he got interrupted (maybe Buck could figure it out with his handwriting checking skills). Daisy from across the room clocks that Sly’s name is written on the paper but can’t read the rest.

The knife is a hunting knife with a pronghorn handle--an animal not common in England but very common in Texas (and Buck is sweating obv).

There is a slight layer of charcoal type dust on everything on the big resolute desk in the room (which makes sense, ash from the fireplace) but there is parchment type dust on the bust of Barkus Aurelius (OK, that one’s good) on the table and that’s the only place that dust is. Ian later notices that the date on the bust is wrong. 

Speaking of, the desk (which we learn later was put in and taken out of storage once Loan Hall was modernized) is bolted to the ground and a lot of stuff has been thrown off it as if by a powerful force but Sly notices that it’s just the metal stuff like things made of silver or with screws. Stone things like the bust and other non-metal things have stayed put. Plus he smells ozone. This was the work of magnets, not ghosts, he concludes. And, for the record, Grant figured this out himself!

Mrs. M’s eyes are rapidly dilating. She is questioned about what happened and she says that she was told she was fired and would receive a small pension. 

(Not a part of Sly’s clue dump but Buck rolls a 24 with disadvantage to persuade everyone he didn’t do it but then 2 nat 1s in a row to see if Harding--who said he was standing outside the door--is suspect. Buck thinks he’s at most a stooge but he did roll a nat 1 so who knows?)

Anyway, back to Mrs. M. Gangie fully believes Mrs. M is innocent and scared. She doesn’t quite remember what happened for a couple of seconds in there and it’s clear this is not the first time she’s had missing time. Sly calls Longfoot (the bunny photographer) over to take a picture of Mrs. M which everyone is a little appalled at until they realize he’s making a point. When the flash goes off, she bugs out like she did in episode 1 and forgets that the picture was ever taken. Sly then has Dr. Magpie list the symptoms of epilepsy. It seems that Mrs. M had an episode triggered by the flash she mentioned seeing and then lost time. It’s possible that what she thought she saw after that she didn’t actually see.

[While Sly is monologuing this Rekha texts Brennan and gets a 17 to swipe the “I am afraid” note. Sly doesn’t notice.]

So if it wasn’t her, then who was it? There’s only one door into the study and anyone who walked in would have to have walked past Mr. Harding, Shellcrest, Calliope, and Tabitha (who is having a marvelous time being in the midst of so much drama). Ah, but who said there was only one door? Sly has Harding pull a sconce and a SECRET DOOR OPENS! Woo! Finally! It’s a classic bookshelf one that opens into the hallway and there is some extremely fine crushed glass under the door. Hmm.

Sly clocks that there is something under the desk but we don’t know what it is because Brennan texts it to him and it’s redacted. There are actually a couple of redacted texts that go around this ep so we are def missing information. 

OK, that’s more or less everything. 

Sly notices that the page is missing and Grant gasps while Rekha does an excellent job of pretending like she doesn’t even remember what paper is being talked about. Constance asks if it’s possible that Mrs. M totally made up the memory because of her epilepsy and between Dr. Magpie and Sly they determine that that’s uncommon but possible. Dr. Magpie says that everyone should leave so he and Sly can examine the body and Sly says that someone should watch Gangie at all times. 

At this point, Harding and Gilfoyle (the butler) say they should establish where everyone was at the time of the murder. A lot of the staff and guests have solid alibis cause they were in big groups/cleaning up together. But the PCs were off alone (or with each other) and had reasons to want to guy dead so they’re prime suspects. Sly even admits that he’s one too. Also everyone dogpiles Ian because Raph makes it so fun. 

Harding mentions the letter that was given to Buck (the one selling his shares in BB and giving voting writes to his rival Josiah) and asks him to read it. Buck reads it and gives a streamlined version of the truth, saying everything except for the part with the proxy vote. With a 26 he is able to allay everyone’s suspicions for now, but now he’s purposefully hidden the truth in a way that can be readily called out if anyone sees the letter or the contract which he resolves to find. 

Buster distracts the group so Daisy can “check the body for a pulse” aka: check the body for the contract. She doesn’t find a it but does find a key attached to a piece of red silk--something that would be weird for him to be carrying around instead of his valet. She figures this must open whatever locked drawer the contract is in and swipes it but Sly clocks her stealing it (his perception ties her sleathiness but an earlier Bless from Ian tips him over the edge--poetic).  

Calliope says that everyone is kinds suspect, including Sly, but *someone* has to solve this and Sly’s their best bet so everyone should just stay put and they can guard the exits. The butler says that, besides the front door, there are some towers that poke up above ground and a servant's exit/entrance by the elevator in the kitchen wing but they can lock down both and have someone guard the front doors. 

The butler is like, lmao yeah Sly I know you didn’t do it and I’m not gonna stand guard here but you know, everyone is keeping an eye on y’all. And then he leaves the PCs, Mrs. M, Constance, and Dr. Magpie in the room with the body. 

Lars is about to go watch the kitchen staff but, before he goes, Sly says to him that he saw Cottonbottom and is obviously quite scared. Gangie, who used to work for the guy, overhears and asks what’s going on. Sly assumes Gangie is playing coy but rolls high enough to know that he isn’t. He saw a starkly white Cottonbottom and one of his known conspirators doesn’t know he’s back? Perhaps it was a ghost after all. 

Case Notes

My 2 fave bits of this episode were “bad to bad bad bad” (and the further riffing) and Daisy throwing increasingly bigger books at Sly.

Even with a Nat 1, Sly gets a 16 on Investigation. Wild. 

I don’t think Rekha got enough props for her “Cross examination” line so I’m mentioning it here.

Brennan said the ozone question was still open--but I assumed it was like the electricity smell from an electromagnet. That would make sense, right? Maybe he meant they hadn’t found the source of it specifically yet?

Brennan says Buck’s knife is a pronghorn knife. I assume they’re made from the animal’s horns? Even if they’re the kind that fall off every season, is that weird? Or is it just like human hair wigs? Also, does this world have leather?

I love that the dice keep supporting the narrative that Daisy simply cannot get her shit together when she’s with Sly because he distracts her too much. Delicious. Their whole relationship is delicious. 

OK, I am a tiny bit suspicious of Calliope. It’s partially the way she took control of the situation near the end and partially the fact that she doesn’t seem like the kind of person who would be involved in this which would make her heel turn delicious. No hard evidence and obv she couldn’t be the person who actually stabbed a guy but idk. Just spitballing. I’m very curious about whether we’ve met everyone we’re going to meet more or less or if there are still outside people/hidden inside people. Because, in real life, a murderer could be literally anyone but in a story, you can’t just introduce a new villain all of a sudden at the end. Bad storytelling. Weak payoff. We’ll see how things start to pan out. 

[ettawritesnstudies]

(meant to send this earlier my bad)

For the OC ask game

30. Which one of your OCs would most likely have a secret stuffed animal collection?

32. Which one of your OCs would be the most suitable horror game protagonist and why?

39. Introduce any character you want

50. Give me the good ol' OC talk here. Talk about anything you want

Thank you so much for the ask! :)

30. Enne has a collection of trinkets and knick knacks she keeps because they're pretty or comforting or sentimental, so that definition absolutely extends to stuffed animals. Hannah and Cecelia both have not-so-secret collections piled on their beds.

32. I don't play horror games, but I did listen to the magnus archives so I'm going to interpret this as "which of my OCs would best fit the role of Jon Sims?", the answer being Madelyn 10000%. She's got the tragic flaws, paranoia, and general "fuck around and find out" energy to fit the role. Its a good thing I'm not writing a that kind of story for her, but fantasy and horror have a terrific overlap in how they both deal in possibilities - the wondrous or dreaded "what if" so I'm sure Laoche might be blurring the lines just a bit.

39. This OC isn't WIP related, they're a dnd character from an Eberron campaign I'm playing with my college friends and they're such a menace. I normally play the socially-awkward mom-friend caster of the group because my friends are all so chaotic, but rn I'm an arcane trickster rouge and the chance to lie through my teeth and sneak into high security factories is just.. so fun?

Anyhow I should actually introduce the character lol. Their name is Min, and they're a changeling that grew up with a noble kid named Veri, but they had a bad fallout years ago. Veri went into the city's politics/police while Min ended up on the street, and started establishing a crime ring to get back at him. Their multiple personas all supposedly report back to "Larua the Leige of Theives" (who of course is also Min), and Veri's become a Javert kind of figure dedicated to hunting down this crime boss. They've been going at this game of cat-and-mouse for *years* and now Min is recruiting the other players to her ring to plan a heist! I rolled three nat 20s in a row in our first session and it was a blast

50. ooooooohhhhh.

I've been kind of obsessed recently with figuring out Luca's character arc for Storge because in my first draft it's kind of there in the subtext but there's so much more I could do with it if I gave his internal monologue and emotions more page time. He's caught between these two virtues - duty/responsibility to his family, lying low, not rocking the boat, working hard, protecting his siblings, and ensuring they have a peaceful future, OR honor/justice, living up to his potential, using his magic to help his community, and resisting the Atilan tyranny.

The way the society works, there's no easy way to have both, and he has to choose between these two equally important values in different situations. He's such a kind person who's been broken too many times to count and he desperately wants to do the right thing but there's no clear answer. As soon as chapter 2, he shows that he's selfless and wouldn't hesitate to put his own life on the line for strangers, but he doesn't want his family to do the same because he doesn't want them to get hurt. It's kind of hypocritical, because they don't want him to die either, but I think his heart is in the right place? He makes a lot of mistakes, but he keeps getting back up again, vowing to do better and I just really love him for that. I hope that made sense! It turned into a philosophy ramble lol

Send me some OC Quetions while I study for midterms?

[thetradeway]

Session 51 Sep 18 2021: “No! Get out of my orifices!”

Right - where were we? Oh yes, we fought some piranha and found some chests and some Duergar statues. We fill Mina in on what she missed; she offers to craft Gideon a new finger.

“No… No, I don’t want your goblin crafts on my body!”

Then there’s some waffle about covid deniers. (Ed believes covid is real; Gideon does not.)

Who wants control of the urine-drenched sorcerer? Sophie, OOC: “You make it sound so appealing.”

She agrees to take Ahleqs, if Matthew will help her out.

Now, when I put a message on the group chat earlier to ask if we were starting at the usual time tonight, our illustrious DM messaged back to say ‘Yep yep yep thumbs up emoji smiley face emoji’ which was far too enthusiastic. We are all now very wary. Ardvack slams a potion before we get started.

Right, where were we going? There is still a strange magical island with a wall around it to explore. There is a boat that leads to it; Gideon advances to Investigate. It looks old but in good shape and water-tight. There are oars. He thinks three will fit in it; he volunteers as do Tarragon and Melaina. Gideon, sternly: “No pilfering, rogue.”

Tarragon rows us across. Do the others want her to go back and pick them up? Apparently not.

Gideon investigates the magical barrier, which is blocking the door, but rolls a nat 1. We make Perception checks - the giant statue of the dwarves god of crafts has an offering bowl at his feet, with something written in Dwarvish. Gideon would read it, but Ed’s buggered off.

“You cannot enter this room.”

Tarragon decides to take this as a challenge. She takes out a gold piece and puts it in the offering bowl; nothing happens so she takes it back out. Gideon covers the ‘not’ part of the carving so it reads 'you can enter this room', but that doesn’t seem to help either.

Tarragon looks at the magical wall. It’s blue, and looks a similar colour to the brazier in the other room. Could we light a torch from the brazier and try waving that at the wall? Maybe. In the meantime Gideon puts some food in the bowl; nothing doing.

Ardvack, shouting across the water: “Have you tried blood?”

Gideon squeezes some blood from his severed finger stump - still nothing. Tarragon rows the boat back to get Kessler, who has hopefully been lighting one of her torches. She has not been able to light her torch from the brazier, however; it won't catch.

Is the bowl loose? Could we pick it up? No, it’s attached to the floor. Could Kessler pick up the brazier? It won’t move either. Time for stupid ideas.

“Hey Carl,” shouts Kessler pointing at the brazier, “put your hand in that.” Carl does not. Kessler gets just such a doggy look from Ardvack; she laughingly tells him she can’t tell because he has no face. Instead he leans down and says snottily, “Carl is precious.” He investigates the brazier. Can he feel warmth coming off it? Nat 20.

There is no heat coming off it. It does create light, but there is no noise. It is not consuming anything physical. He doesn’t think it’s evil or necessarily good; it’s just a spiritual fire. Ahleqs does an Arcana check. It’s some kind of divine magic; he is fairly certain it could be extinguished with a high enough levelled Dispel Magic spell.

Ardvack puts his hand in the brazier; it doesn’t burn him. He puts his whole head in. He’s a bit light-blinded afterward for a minute or so, but is otherwise unharmed.

Tarragon has Dispel Magic, but doesn’t have it prepared. What about Ahleqs? He doesn’t have the spell at all.

Gideon wants to rest his battle-axe on the offering bowl; he does that, but nothing happens. He rescinds the axe. Perhaps crafts, considering the nature of the god? Perhaps something he’s made?

Ahleqs has Ardvack’s leather face mask at the moment; since that was made by Kessler, perhaps we could try that.

Melaina is Investigating the door behind the wall of force. She can see beyond it to a ruined dock. If she puts her hands out to the wall of force, she can feel it though it doesn’t harm her. Would putting the brazier out remove the wall? She rolls a low Insight check and doesn’t know. Gideon rolls a low Religion check as well; he doesn’t know either.

“Alright Goblin, you’re up. Do your thing,” says Gideon. She puts Ardvack's mask in the bowl, but still nothing happens.

DM offers a clue if we roll good on Insight; Ardvack, Melaina and Gideon all do. They think the inscription refers to the desired offering. Gideon wants to put something in the bowl that would not fit in the door.

What about a fish? They breathe air, and so could not pass anywhere above the water. Tarragon steps into the bowl and Wild Shapes into a fish; still nothing happens. She changes back. Is this one of those children’s riddles that we should have definitely got by now? Joe says we will absolutely kick ourselves when we get it.

Ardvack picks a handful of mushrooms - and that bloody well works. You cannot enter this ‘room. Goddammit. Joe removes the wall. If Ardvack had a face, he’d be looking smug.

We go through. Goblin shield goes first. She sees something horrible - it is currently standing motionless. It looks like a huge dwarf in heavy armour, but made of stone, and there is a faint red glow emanating from its chest. There is an open chest next to it full of shiny shinies; Kessler points them out to Melaina, possibly in hopes that she will go first. Melaina, sadly for Kessler, does not fall for this trick.

Ardvack ventures too close and it spots him - initiative time. (Ed has disappeared again. While we wait, we discuss Matthew’s zombie campaign. We will all be level 2 when we return, which gives us an ability called Zombie Grab. Matthew and Sophie order pizza.)

Tarragon Potions and readies a Thorn Whip (which always reminds Sophie of a Walnut Whip. Not the Ann Summers sort of whip, Joe asks? No, but interesting that his mind went there.) Melaina hides and shoots - 24 hits, for 22 damage. Her bow is magical, correct? Yes. Good. Okay. Bits of rock fall off the golem. Hooray!

Does she want to move, say, to run away? (Oh shit.) She moves back so everyone else can get in.

Kessler takes aim with her crossbow. 24 hits for 7 damage, and her weapon is magical as well. She reloads and shoots again for 7 more damage while Matthew and Sophie decide what Ahleqs is going to do.

They decide that he will cast Shatter on the golem. Ba-boom! It has to make a Constitution save - at Disadvantage. “Because you’re made of stone. Like an idiot.” But it gets Advantage on saves versus magic, so that’s just a straight roll. 13. “Ha! You lose!” It takes 19 Thunder damage. Ahleqs cheers, then hides behind Tarragon.

It rushes at us - Tarragon looses her Thorn Whip but misses.

Carl uses his big stick that Tarragon gave him, but misses, almost hitting everyone else around him. He was excited. He doesn’t move, but holds the line.

Gideon is up. “Ed stop eating sausages!”

“… How did you know what I was doing.”

He Acid Splashes it. The Golem fails the save, even with Advantage, and takes 9 Acid Damage.

Like the hero he has proved himself to be, Ardvack does a cautious tactical repositioning to get away from the golem, does Shksdjlsdglsghjkhhbllhh, and then casts Eldritch Blast. It hits, and more stone crumbles off the golem.

Tarragon does Greater Shlgljksdkgjfhl;jjjhh, just to flex on Ardvack, and hits it for 11 Bludgeoning. She bares her teeth at the golem.

Melaina falls back a little, and shoots again. Matthew and Sophie suddenly seem unable to hear the rest of us, so there is a short recess while we sort that out. Their wifi has died. I decide, in my infinite wisdom, to restart my computer; of course, it decides to install something without even asking and so I am still waiting for it long after Matthew and Sophie return. I miss a bunch of stuff; some people do some damage, and the golem does a thing where it forces a Wisdom save - those that fail have their speed halved, and can do an action OR a bonus action on their turn, but not both. Joe makes an attack for me, which hits. Tarragon is pleased. And then I’m back!

The golem is looking ropey. Its light is still glowing, but bits are falling off it. It turns on Carl, even though Kessler has imposed Disadvantage on it if it attacks anyone but her. 14 still hits, as does 29, and he takes THIRTY NINE damage. Carl is now on zero, having had exactly 39 HP previously.

Matthew, sounding worried: “This changes things.”

Carl makes a real death save - and fails. "No! Carl!"

Gideon's turn - and Ed has snuck off again. Or fallen asleep. We skip him for now and move on to Ardvack. “I’ll save you Carl!” Then, to himself as he runs, “Not my precious Carl…” He casts Life Transference. (A lovely, sacred, holy Cleric spell.) He saves Carl, but instantly regrets walking closer to the golem.

Tarragon batters it for 16 damage - the light begins to flicker and sputter in its chest. Does she want to move? “Nope!” She could bonus action dive in the water with the Quippers if she wanted? “… No thank you.”

Melaina does a Scorching Ray - one of the three hits for 7 fire damage total. It’s looking ‘exceedingly ropey’ but is still up.

Kessler gets the how-de-do-dis with her Thunder Gauntlets - she runs up it and yells “Red means stop!” and punches it in the chest. It falls to the ground in a big pile of rubble. We solved Joe’s Golem puzzle!

Matthew, immediately: “Loot its corpse!”

Kessler is holding the gem from its chest; it is no longer glowing. Ardvack sets about the treasure chest. It is open, and there is gold inside. He clicks on the loot chest, and adds 100gp to the 3000cp he finds. (428 cp, and 14gp each.)

Kessler: “Anyone got a Transmute spell?” (That's a lot of coins.)

Ardvack shares out the treasure as equally as possible. Kessler finds herself overburdened. Melaina slyly: “I could carry your treasure for you.”

Kessler: “No thank you.”

Where to next? There was a rope bridge in the room with the brazier that led to an island with a dead giant spider on it; Joe zips us all there for expediency.

Melaina crosses the bridge to approach the ‘very very dead’ spider; it looks like its moving around. Not the legs, but as if there’s something moving under the skin…

A swarm of maggots burst out of the spider, taking her by surprise. They swarm up her legs and over her flesh.

Melaina, equally horrified and furious: “No! Get out of my orifices!”

(This is why Joe was so pleased earlier isn’t it.)

She now has two rot grubs burrowing under her skin. We’ve all heard of these, the subject of adventurer’s tales swapped in taverns. Melaina knows she has to burn them while they’re still just under her skin, or they will burrow to her heart and kill her.

Well shit.

We roll initiative…

Ardvack fails at Eldritch Blast, and the grubs become resistant to that type of damage (Force I think?) for 1d4 rounds. (4. Fuck.)

Ahleqs does a Burning Hands at them. They fail the save and take 6 fire damage. Several screech, and curl up and burn.

Melaina wants to cast Scorching Ray on herself - she can do that. She takes two fire damage, and the grubs die. She can spend the rest of her action to squeeze them back out of the holes they burrowed in through. Delightful.

Tarragon moves to the side and Thunderwaves the swarm - they fail the save and are pushed off the bridge into the water to be eaten by the Quippers. Yay! Everyone wins! We move forward, Melaina at the head.

DM suddenly: “Stop there, Melaina!”

Us immediately: “Oh no!”

She finds a door with a shape carved in it - the gem that Kessler took from the golem looks like it would fit in there. That is not relevant right now, however, as she has charged forward and tripped a trip wire. She fails her Dex save and a giant ballista bolt sticks her for 14 damage. Could have been a lot worse. She decides she’s not doing anything else, even when tempted with a treasure chest; she goes to sit in a corner and sulk.

The treasure chest is on a different island, reachable only via a broken bridge. Kessler suggests throwing the dead spider into the water to distract the Quippers while we jump across.

Do we want to take a short rest first? Yes. Tarragon makes up some Relaxing Bark, allowing everyone to regain a couple of Hit Dice which we roll, and take potions. Ardvack casts Life Transference on Carl again.

We are about to move on when the DM has us all roll a d20. Uh oh. Anyone who got ten or more can get five more HP back, as we burned incense in a temple. Yay!

Matthew, grumbling: “Oh as soon as we get a long rest, you can bet I’m going to be re-summoning Admiral Pancakes…”

Do we want to jump the bridge after the treasure? Is it worth it? Melaina wants to; the rest of us are dubious. How far can she jump with a run-up? Ten feet. She could jump it.

“Alright then, I’ll do it. Whoosh.” Kessler follows her.

Melaina checks for traps - an 8. She can’t see any! Sophie, OOC, resignedly: “Oh, right, okay.”

She checks the chest itself and finds a trap mechanism - some nozzles sticking out of the ground next to the chest. She makes a roll with her thieves tools, and by the skin of her teeth (13) disarms it. It would have been bad; one nozzle would have squirted her with flammable liquid and the other would have set her on fire. She finds a Brooch of Shielding! There is another item, a ring, which seems magical; Kessler takes eleven minutes and casts Identify as a ritual. It’s a ring of Swimming!

Melaina gives the brooch to Ahleqs, as he would almost certainly appreciate anything that would give him some extra protection. We decide to crack on, as it would take another hour for him to attune to it. Besides, the longer we’re down here the more this place sucks so we’re all eager to leave.

Kessler puts the gemstone into the hole in the door and it creaks open; we walk through. We enter some tunnels, which are very claustrophobic after the caverns. It’s very dark. We follow them until we come out into another large cavernous room.

We jump to another map…

There are more islands with about ten foot tall towers with glowing orbs at the top. More water, and a broken stone bridge. (Is anyone reminded of Beverly?)

The bad news is, this room has glowing orb lights, a broken bridge, and more islands. The good news is, it seems quiet enough that we could take a long rest.

Kessler does her Alarm spell, and Carl - not needing to sleep - takes all the watches. We all take turns to watch with him as “his Perception is for shit.”

Kessler takes first, Tarragon takes second, and Melaina third.

Carl and Kessler make Perception checks. A 3 and a 6; oh dear. Kessler thinks she hears water noises, but it could be just the water on the shore.

Then Tarragon and Carl. 13 for Tarragon and a 16 for Carl. We watch some bats flitting about in the light from the strange tower; nothing dangerous, however. Everyone but Tarragon now completes their long rest. She retires, and Melaina and Carl roll Perception.

Carl is on fire tonight; a 17. He makes an Intelligence check - a 9. That’s actually not bad. After about 3 hours he becomes agitated and tries to say something, but can’t. Melaina’s nostrils are assailed with a foul stench; she looks to the water to see something breaking the surface of it. Which means that whatever it is doesn’t get a surprise round…

Melaina and Carl roll initiative. Carl has used all his good rolls on Perceiving. But he’s ready for anything; he’s got his stick.

Whatever is crawling out of the water looks like a troll, but dripping with horrible ichorous black ooze and smelling like a busy harbour at low tide.

Matthew, OOC: “They smell like a bonfire of nappies. No - a burning zoo.”

Melaina hides behind some mushrooms; triggering Kessler’s Alarm spell as she leaves the area (because Kessler didn’t specify otherwise). We all wake, and can roll Initiative next round. Melaina takes aim with her longbow. 19 to hit with Sharpshooter, which does. She gets a nat 1 for her Sneak/Sharpshooter which is only a measly 25 total, plus her bow’s damage of 9 for 34. The thing lets out a howl, which would have woken us if the Alarm spell hadn’t.

It approaches us. It’s wearing a loincloth; small mercies.

Everyone but Ardvack and Melaina makes CON saves as the troll runs a filthy claw down its own forearm for a venom spray attack. Gideon and Tarragon take 18 poison damage and are poisoned. The others take half damage and are not poisoned. Now it does its multi-attack.

It has a bite at Tarragon but misses, then a claw at Kessler and misses. Then it claws at Gideon, and misses again. Ha!

Another one shambles up, but doesn’t attack yet. It’s Carl’s turn; he uses his zombie agility to run up to one of the trolls and give it a good old Slam - “Classic Slam - ” and uses his Zombie Grab to try and grapple it. They make contested STR checks - Carl wins even with a 14. The bad news is that part of the troll’s corpulence is ruptured, emitting a black foul ichor into the air - Tarragon and Kessler take more damage as it, however unintentionally, does an Acid Splash.

“… Thanks Carl.”

Melaina goes first. She goes to move but takes 15 Force damage from the towers. What??? Sophie OOC, to Matthew: “Honey, I’m being shot by the nasty tower.” She was just inside its range. She shoots one of the trolls. She hits, and causes another Acid Splash. Tarragon has just woken up from a Long Rest, and is now under half HP. Melaina does do 34 damage to the troll though.

Gideon, with advice from Matthew, casts Grease under the troll that Carl is *not* grappling. This seems a classic ‘Grease’ situation. It rolls a DEX save, and fails, falling prone.

Tarragon casts Lesser Restoration on herself, ending the Poisoned effect, Rages, and steps out of range of the Venom spray.

Ahleqs screams the incantation for Mage Armour, and steps back also. Kessler’s turn, and she will risk stepping back. One is restrained and the other prone, so no attack of Opportunity. She takes out her crossbow and shoots at the one grappled by Carl. 20 hits for 11 piercing damage. “And I will shoot that sucker again.” 17 also hits for 7 damage. She drinks one of her potions; wise.

Carl takes 18 poison from Kessler’s attacks on the troll, but he’s immune to poison. Carl has the Grappler feat, so even though the troll is a size larger than him it doesn’t get Advantage on the Strength check to free itself. They roll straight Strength checks - Carl rolls a ten, and the troll rolls a 6, even with a plus four modifier.

The prone one uses half its movement to stand up and moves forward, biting at Kessler - 26 to hit. It actually hits her! Even Shield won’t do it! She takes 6 piercing and 6 poison damage, and is poisoned until the start of the troll’s next turn.

It claws twice at Tarragon; “Bring it.”

24 hits, the ten doesn’t. Ten slashing (halved to 5) and 6 poison (not halved). She’s at 19HP now, and hasn't even attacked yet.

Ardvack wakes up to see the trolls attacking. “Ah. It must be Wednesday.” Matthew, OOC: “Im going to do… something… stupid. Or… brilliant.” Seeing the damage Tarragon and Kessler have taken, he heals Tarragon for 11HP. She blinks with surprise, and he backs up.

We call it there as it's getting late...

[abovethesmokestacks]

Home for Christmas

Stucky advent drabble calendar

20 December

"I feel a little… out of place," Bucky whispers, pulling at his tie.

He wears a suit to work every day, likes it to an extent, but dressing up and going to the ballet? That's not business as usual for him. The hum of muted conversations fills the room, excitement hanging over them as rows slowly fill out. Steve has gotten pretty decent seats, right in the middle and he looks so at ease leaned back in the chair. Bucky feels like his suit is suddenly two sizes too small, his tie too tight and what the hell does he know about ballet anyway? He got dragged to Becca's recitals when they were kids, but then she found something else that was more fun, and Bucky didn't have to roll his eyes through what seemed to him like silly jumping and tiptoeing anymore.

"You look great," Steve assures him, his eyes scanning the crowd and the stage. "Just think, you don't have to actually dance. I could have taken you ballroom dancing."

Bucky barely disguises his laugh as a snort. Ballroom dancing. He hasn't done that since Nat and Clint's wedding and Nat actually pulled him aside halfway through the band playing and kindly asked him if he was just nervous or if he didn't actually know how to dance because three out of her five bridesmaids had… voiced their opinion.

"Yeah, no, that would have been an unmitigated disaster. And I have that on good authority."

The lights start dimming, a hush falling over the audience. It's his first time at a proper ballet, and Bucky can't lie, it's pretty damn good. He follows the dancers with fascination, mouth falling open more and more at the grace with which they're moving across the stage. It's even a little funny to see the fight between the mouse king and the nutcracker and his soldiers.

He doesn't remember much of the second act, because Steve takes his hand, squeezing it every now and again. There are dances and they float together in a flurry because all he can focus on is his hand in Steve's, the ginger circles Steve is tracing over the knuckle of his thumb. It makes him dizzy, joy floating through him like bubbles and screw every old Christmas tradition, if he can only have this right here, he'll never complain again.

Steve shows him an acapella version of one of the musical numbers on their way home, and they hum and in one case, wail through it the entire ride back to Brooklyn. It's a drab night, normal by any weather standard for this season, but it doesn't matter. They're still holding hands, and Bucky is about ready to proclaim Merry Christmas from the rooftops.

"Thanks. For this. Tonight, I mean," he fumbles when they get to his building. He doesn't want to let go of Steve's hand.

"Of course."

"Maybe this could become a thing? You and me and The Nutcracker, followed by you and me and an offkey rendition of The Nutcracker on the train?"

He immediately regrets opening his mouth when Steve's face shifts. It's lighting quick, a flash of something that makes Bucky's entire being backpedal violently. He shouldn't have said that. Too soon. God fucking damn it, he wants to take the words and shove them back inside and then flee inside and-

But Steve.

Steve.

Steve steps up close, cups his face and kisses him fiercely, and Bucky's immediate response is to wrap his arms around Steve's waist. Handholding is fine, but this. Bucky wants this to become a tradition. He's allowed to adjust his goals, and his goal for the rest of his life is to kiss Steve and feel the universe quake around them.

Bucky swears he doesn’t mean to, but the second they part the air is heavy between them, his mind is foggy and it slips out: “I love you.”

It’s sudden, a drunken confession with cottoned senses and he squeezes his eyes shut. Too soon too soon too soon too-

“Oh, Bucky…”

Steve pulls him in for a hug that feels eternal, like an answer in and of itself, complete and wordless. They rest their foreheads together, breathing the heated air between them before the cold forces them apart. Steve bids him goodnight, and Bucky wants to say it won’t be as good as it just was. His apartment feels cavernous, empty in place of the intimacy that was. Bucky falls asleep tightly wrapped in his covers.

[do-ya-hear-that-sound]

Dungeons and Dragons AU bc I have no self-control  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Okay, so if this is going to be an S/I type thing, then you are the DM by default and thems the rules.

Adam occasionally helps with creative stuff, and once he’s confident enough with the game, he’ll DM a one-shot or two! 

Beetlejuice wanted to be a rouge in the beginning, but after someone read the player’s book explaining all the classes (*cough*ADAM*cough*), Beej immediately changed his character to a bard. Chaotic Neutral. Barbra’s character keeps him in check during gameplay. Uses the fuck out of prestidigitation (makes everything black and white strips).

(Beej actively tries to bang every single NPC that comes across him. Adam’s patience wears thin with each session. You are also tired with Beej’s shenanigans, but allow it bc a) it’s amusing, and b) he’s inadvertently flirting with you every time he does it, so yeah, you let him keep doing it.)

Adam plays as a Wizard. His spellbook is bigger and heavier than him. (”Every spell is essential! I don’t want to forget it in case it comes in handy later!” “Adam, that is a spell for how to clean dishes” “Exactly! It’s important for when the party goes camping!!!”) His wizard has a mad crush on Barbara’s character. Indecisive and petty.

Barbara is a Cleric, dedicated to spreading goodness and protecting those who cannot defend themselves. (Also because SOMEBODY has to heal the reckless bard when they lose the fight to the tavern owner after crit failing to flirt with them) Mom of the group.  

Her character is oblivious to the Wizard’s (frankly obvious) feelings towards her, much to the amusement of everyone but Adam

Lydia plays a rouge. She really wants to join the ranks of the Assassin’s Guild and is eager to prove herself to them. A little too eager. Barabra’s character and Lydia’s character often clash heads because of this. Out of all the characters, Lydia’s is the one closest to the evil alignment. 

Delia once joined the party in a one-shot. She played a druid who just really loved rocks. Didn’t really contribute much to the party, but she successfully seduced the minotaur they were supposed to defeat that Beej failed to lure.

Charles, after much convincing, plays in a one-shot as a fighter. He doesn’t really know what he’s doing, he understands the hype after he rolls a nat 20 during the final battle and lands the finishing blow.

Charles and Delia don’t really play in the main campaign, but they do participate in one-shots every now and then.

Beej has the absolute WORST luck when rolling dice. He fails to seduce NPCs more often than not, even though he has the highest charisma stat out of everyone in the party.

Barbra once rolled nat 20 three times in a row when the party was surprised attacked by a group of bandits. It was the coolest fucking thing to ever happen to them– it was also the last time she rolled a nat 20 for the next five sessions.

Beej has the hardest time adjusting to role-playing, especially since his character, in the beginning, can’t do half of the stuff he can do with his demonic powers. (”Beej, you can’t summon your clones to distract the guards.” “Why not?!?” “Because you’re level 2 and that ability doesn’t exist for your class.”) He eventually gets the hang of it, especially after Lydia reads him the Player’s Book and finds a loophole to get his clones in-game: necromancy.

Barbra’s Cleric is, understandably, not happy about this, and it almost causes the party to split up. A compromise is reached, and Beej’s Bard makes a vow to not use his knowledge for evil so long as Barbra’s Cleric doesn’t interfere with or undermine his learning.

True to his word, Beej uses his “clones” during combat or, more often than not, when he’s performing in front of a tavern or trying to distract the bad guys so Lydia’ Rouge can stab them. He jokingly refers to his clones as his “entourage” when they’re just chilling. Calls them his ensemble when he performs, and they dance and sing backup for him. Steals Gets them all matching striped suits.

Beej will try to talk his way out of anything, and even when he makes some stupid joke and lies to an NPC, he will always, always forget that he has to roll deception to be convincing.

Honestly, I don’t have much thought on what race their characters would be, except that Lydia’s Rouge would most likely be a Dragonborn or a Drow. Delia’s Druid would have been an Elf. Not sure about the rest, though.

More often than not, you have to stop Beej from eating your dice set. (He already ate your sparkly set, you would be damned if he ate your wooden set as well!)

Overall, the four of them work well as a team, but you’ve had to intervene a few times Beej is caught cheating with the dice. 

Adam and Lydia get so-so rolls. Barbra gets the best rolls out of everyone, and Beej gets the worst. He’s seen more Crit 1s than anyone else at the table 🙃

Lydia has dual daggers. Adam has a quarterstaff. Barbara has a mace. Beej has a crossbow.

(He never uses it. More often than not, he’ll use whatever’s closest to his hands to defend himself with. A tavern glass or a rock from the forest is more likely to go flying from Beej’s hands than an arrow.)

The first time Beej rolls a Nat 20, without demonic intervention, it’s six sessions in, and the group has a good grasp on how to play. The pure euphoria that erupts from him is something for the history books. Alas, it was not for flirting, but he did land a sick ass blow to the head of a corrupt knight that was intimidating Lydia’s Rouge. 

The jerk swayed in a circle on the spot, with his tongue sticking out cartoon style. Little birds flap around his head before he collapses and hits his head on the way down. Everyone saw it. The Knight not only loses his credibility among the people but everyone who saw it is cheering, congratulating– thanking – Beej for finally putting that rotten knight in his place. Beej sings of this feat later that night, in the same tavern. He and the crew get free drinks for the rest of the night. 

This is also one of the few times he manages to successfully flirt with an NPC, playing the hero card to his advantage ;)  

[nnatasha]

rosemary rolls - one

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

summary: working at a chili’s was the worst thing in the world. luckily, bucky barnes was one of the best things in the world.

Waking up had been a difficult feat that morning, and you had decided to go on a run to wake yourself up. God knows who put that idea into your head as it did absolutely nothing to help.

You were so tired from your run that morning, and still reeling from the sudden change of your hometown to the close-knit community you had recently moved to, that you stood in the quaint bakery you had found yourself in, shuffling forward until suddenly you were face-to-face with a pretty redhead wearing a striped apron and a jaunty paper cap. “Welcome to Frazier Bakery! What can we do to make you feel at home today?”

God, did you hate this corporate crap, even when you were child and hardly knew what it all was. You looked up at the menu board, scanning it. Coffee, muffins, breakfast paninis, smoothies, bagels. You looked back at the smoothie options, looking them over.

“Extra large Blueberry Banana Freeze.” you told her.

“Coming right up!”

She turned, walking over to a row of blenders, and you took another look around you. There were needlepoint samples on all the walls. LIFE’S TROUBLES ARE OFTEN SOOTHED BY HOT, MILKY DRINKS, read one by the sugar, milk, and cream station.  Another one, over by the recycling bins, proclaimed WASTE NOT, WANT NOT. You wondered where they ordered them, and if you could get anything mass-embroidered and framed.

Once you got your smoothie, you went over and took a seat on a faux-leather chair in front of the faux-roaring fire. The title of the smoothie was right: after two sips on your straw, you had a headache so bad you could barely see straight. You put a hand on your forehead, as if that would warm things up, then closed your eyes, just as the front door bell chimed.

“Welcome to Frazier Bakery!!” one of the counter people yelled.

“Thank you!” a voice yelled back, and someone laughed. You were still rubbing your forehead when you heard footsteps, then, “y/n?”

You opened your eyes, and there was a familiar face. Of course it would be him. Who else would it be?

“Bucky.” You greeted coldly.

Bucky peered at you a little more closely. “You okay? You look like you’ve been-”

“It’s just a brain freeze,” You said, holding up the cup as evidence. “I’m fine.”

You could tell that he was not fully convinced, but thankfully, he didn’t push the issue. “What are you doing here? I didn’t know you were here, least of all a Friend of Frazier.”

“A what?”

“That’s what we call the regulars.” He waved at the redhead, who waved back.  “Hold on, I’m just grabbing a Freaking Everything and a Procrastinator’s Special. Be back in a sec.”

You took another tentative sip of your smoothie, watching as Bucky walked over to the counter before ducking behind it. He said something to the redhead, who laughed, before grabbing a muffin out of the case and then poured himself a huge cup of coffee.  He then pushed a few buttons on the till, slid in a fiver, and took some change out, which he deposited into the tip jar. After waving at the redhead, Bucky started back over to you.

Good lord, you thought, grant me strength. Before Bucky could begin talking again, you quickly stood up and dashed out the door to your car. She had been given to you by your mum when you were 16, and had been promptly named Super Shitty due to her, well, super shittiness.

Bucky was your friend back when the two of you were kids, inseparable.  Then Steve had been rescued by Bucky from a fight in a back alley and all hell had broken loose. From the get-go, you didn’t get along with Steve: the two of you were constantly disagreeing and throwing shade n the opposite directions. After awhile, you had just stopped with Bucky, and you’d held a stupid grudge on the two until a couple months ago. If you were going to be living in the same small town as the two, you might as well try and get over your teenage years.

And now Bucky was a regular -or, as he dubbed it, a ‘Friend of Frazier’- at the only bakery that was en-route to your new place of work.

Thoughts of Bucky filled your head as you made your way to work. By the time you had arrived, your horrible drink had been finished and you had a stonking headache.  

  You had found the restaurant by accident, pulling into it’s car park to take a breather from the torrential rain. It was warm and inviting, with faded red walls and windows that let off the warm glow from inside.

Jobs were a rarity in this town, and you were on the hunt for one after moving into your shared home the previous month. Seemingly, the only places hiring were a stationary company and a loud, vibrant coffee shop. Neither of them interested you, nor did the measly pay they both offered.

You hadn’t decided to go into the shop looking for  job, more looking for a space to have a nice coke in the warm. Luck was on  your side that night, however, and you had immediately inquired about the 'Hiring!’ sign posted in the front door. After a couple days of waiting, you had received a call informing you of your start on Monday.

Anxiety flowed through your veins as you stepped into the restaurant. Being that it was only just past 9am, you weren’t surprised to see it as empty, sans a lone redhead sat at the bar with her face scrunched up.

“We’re shut.” She said after a few seconds, looking up at you. “Can’t you read?”

Eyes widening, you stammered, “Um, y-yes. I start today.”

With an almost silent sigh, the girl stood. “I’m Natasha from behind the bar.”

“Y/n.” You replied. “From down the road.”

Natasha’s eyes twinkled with what you assumed to be amusement before she motioned for you to follow her.  “You’ll probably be waiting, but will undoubtedly have to work bar some days. Tips of the trade, mama: do not use the ice dispenser, get it from the freezer that stores the ice pops. The dispenser will turn off the electricity. Pepper’s looking into it but corporate doesn’t have enough money to spare.”

“Pepper is….”

“Our boss.” Natasha finished. “Tony was originally, but he gave the position to Pepper a year after they first met. He is wrapped around her finger.”

“Do not take my name in vain, spidey!” A cheerful voice made you jump as a familiar man came out of the kitchen doors. Tony was the one to interview you for the job, and had seemed like someone you would want to be friends with. 

“Don’t call me that, Tony.” Natasha said firmly, and you couldn’t help but think that this was a recurring thing. “This is y/n.”

Tony’s eyes flicked to you and you smiled. “Hey.”

“Woo, woo, woo! First day!” Tony cheered and you saw Natasha roll her eyes.

“I wish god was in this chilis.” sighed Natasha and a burst of laugh came from you, a single 'Ha’.

Tony’s hand clapped you on the shoulder suddenly. “Let’s get this day started, shall we? I’ll have Sam show you around.”

 "That,“ Sam said ,"is Wanda. She makes the best cocktails in town.”

Sam had been introduced to you quickly, but you had immediately connected to the man and his funny banter as he showed you around the Chili’s complex.

The auburn woman Sam was referring to looked up and, with a squeak, Sam ducked down behind a chair. “I think she can also read minds.” He hissed and you chuckled.

“Samuel Wilson!” Wanda shrieked, shaking a wooden spoon in your direction. “Stop talking about me to the new girl. I’m Wanda Maximoff, world renowned chef and all-around good person.”

“You work in a goddamn Chilis!” Sam guffawed and Wanda glared at his back.

The two of you continued, Sam talking faster now with the lunch rush steadily approaching. “You’ve already met Natasha, of course. She can work a knife like nobody’s business.”

This didn’t surprise you. Natasha seemed like the type of person that could snap a bone in half without even blinking. You wouldn’t hesitate to admit that she already scared you, even after only knowing her for a couple hours.

“Bruce has anger issues.” Sam pointed to a short man with glasses low on his nose. He was in the middle of tying up his apron and shot Sam an exhausted look. “He does marijuana. Prescribed. Sometimes he let’s me hit it when he’s not looking.”

“When he’s not looking.” You snorted, nodding your head.  “Your brain cells, gosh.”

Sam winked at you. “Those three over there.” You looked into the direction of his finger and your heart immediately sank. “Steve, the blonde one with short hair used to be 5'7, less than 100 pounds. He had a growth spurt when he was 20 and only Bucky knows why. He’s the brunette one. Absolute monster at typing, can do 100 words in under a minute.”

“Wow, real talented people here.” You chuckled. Steve had actually bulked up at 17, just after his mother passed away. It had been an extremely cold winter, stealing souls all over the country, including Ms. Rogers. Her funeral had been a somber affair, and neither Steve nor Bucky could be found at the wake afterwards.

“Yeah, Bucky basically does everyone’s reports around here. You see those two over there,” Sam moved his arm lazily in the direction of Natasha, who was sat next a mousy haired man. “Natasha, of course, but also her best friend Clint. He can fit 134 M&M’S in his mouth. Up until recently, he couldn’t fit 60 in there, but then Nat broke his jaw and bam! It was suddenly a black hole.”

“That’s what she said!” You joked. “No, that’s what he said.”

Sam looked at you for a second and you wondered if you had said anything wrong, before he laughed, clapping you on the shoulder. “Thor, the one in between Steve and Bucky, can bench press both of them at the same time.”

“The same time!?”

“The same time.”

“Alrighty, Sam.” A soft voice said from behind the two of you. “Lunch rush soon, please stop traumatizing the new kid with your stories of Clint.”

“But Pep..” Sam whined at the sophisticated looking ginger in front of you. Pepper, your boss, was wearing a white suit, free of wrinkles. At Sam’s words, Pepper pursed her red lips.

“Work.” She ordered and Sam groaned, trudging off. “I’m not sure if Tony told you, but this is a no-nonsense workspace. We would like you to respect both your co-workers and your customers. If you ever need anything, you’re welcome to talk to me, or any of the team: if you talk to Maria, our HR leader, she’ll keep it purely confidential.”

“Ok.” You squeaked. “Thank you, ma'am.”

Pepper smiled slightly. “Call me Pepper, sweetie.”

As Pepper walked away from you, you could feel the impending doom of lunch at a Chilis whilst working alongside your childhood best friend. Boy, was it going to be a long couple of months.

@tonyintexas @steveeology @eyesofgoldenambers @crashhmycar @txmhoelland @driftingbarnes @wazzupmrstark @shurisneakers @definitely-not-black-cat @laureharrier @puppy-barnes

[kirby-is-good]

DND

So our dnd group consists of me the DM, my fiance the halfling rogue (corrin tealeaf), my best friend the human fighter (bradadict cumberbitch), and his wife the dwarf cleric (eldeth ungart).

We've done a couple sessions so far, and its been very... Interesting to say the least

Session 1: the first thing they do before talking to the quest giver is pet and talk to his horse. And bradadict decides to arouse the horse for some ungodly reason which puts a giant horse penis in corrins face.

Session 2: the party sees dead horses with arrows in them in the middle of the road. Neither brad or eldeth use investigation or perception checks and get a surprise attack by 4 goblins. Brad consequently dies and fails all 3 death saves but i allow him to come back. After the fight they talk to the npc driving the cart. Whats the FIRST thing bradadict asks him? "So you're pretty old, does it get longer?" ....my mistake was rolling a D20 and gave the old man an 11" penis. Both eldeth and brad get fucked and leave corrin who is barely 3 times the size of it to keep watch outside of the caravan. ALL. NIGHT.

Sessions 3-5: corrin fails 3 times to climb out of a river, a goblin falls into the same river and fails to climb out 3 times as well. All three fail to capture the goblin after 2 rounds of just throwing rope at it. After getting into the goblins hideout corrin makes a streamer out of a goblins organs with a nat 20. Eldeth befriends all 4 wolves in the cave. Bradadict... Misses 3 javelin throws in a row. After clearing the area all 3 get caught in a trap. Corrin first, eldeth charged in to help and got caught, and bradadict failed his save throw.

Session 6: the party reaches phandalin and does some minor side quests and talking to the townsfolk

Session 7: i created a creepy audio file consisting of my voice with more of my voice in the background as if it were multiple people to scare the crap out of the first player to interact with the creature talking via the mind. He was very unnerved.

Session 8: corrin rolled a nat 20 ON A SNEAK ATTACK so ended up doing 29 damage to the leader of the bandit group they were trying to take down and he only had 30 hp. They take him into custody and go camp outside of the town. Corrin has a vendetta against this guy and goes to kill him while everyone was asleep.

Session 9: short session, the mayor got blamed for the death of the guy and sent to jail since interrogation was supposed to happen. Bradadict becomes mayor

Session 10 (the latest one so far): the party leaves to deal with an undead problem 2 days walk away, they take a carriage so i put it down to one. They walk up to a broken tower and trigger 12 zombies coming out and attacking. Luckily someone made a bunch of sound and the necromancer comes and and stops the zombies. They talk to him and eventually not fight. So. Instead.

They clicker trained his zombies with him so that they only attack on command. Yes you read that correctly. They took 2 days to clicker train this guys zombies and made an ally of him. Also eldeth tried seducing him and rolled a nat 1 so... Didnt work out.

They finally return to phandalin and i turned it into a bad time. Someone took charge of the bandit group and got reinforcements sent over. So when they returned there was a giant sharp wooden fence around the entire town, and an 11" penis was staked by the gates (the characters name was Old Man McFuckerson. No one asked, they just fucked him)

So bradadict yeets corrin over the fence and they all get inside. Eldeth incinerates a bugbear with lightning and they end up taking down 7 bugbears in total.

They capture one alive and legitimately tortue it for information... Corrin is a messed up little thing.

If anyone is interested i'll keep this updated since we'll definitely be playing a lot more in the future

[wolfieplaysdnd]

The Critapillar

Okay so, my first time being a true DM, though not my first game.  Me & all but one of my players are noobs. The player that is not a noob had other things going on so it was only my two noobs playing tonight. It is the first session of my brand spankin’ new homebrew-ish campaign. Homebrew because i made my own world and two of my player characters are homebrew races (a zombie & a khajiit) . With all this backdrop in mind, here’s the true story:

My two players are the khajiit and a halfling and they’re currently helping a noble elf who is searching for someone who betrayed him. They have to find the three guards that were assigned to this person. They find and accidentally kill the one (my players literally can’t go a day without killing a npc) and then track down the second to a place called the WereWood. 

Yeah, I’m sure you guys are all like OMG but my players were like “lol k” and just enter the place, unsuspecting. 

Anyway, they find a crazy cult holding the dude they’re looking for hostage. This cult drinks the sap the trees in the Werewood and it turns them into beasts and monsters for a few hours. It also makes them a little crazy from extended use but, hey. Eventually my players are facing down two direwolves with the man they want behind held behind the wolves.

They’re having a bit of trouble and my halfling player is like “I STAB THE TREE AND DRINK THE SAP” 

“Ok, coolio” I told him and I roll on a chart I had made to figure out what kind of animal he was going to be. He got a caterpillar. I laugh manically and tell him, thinking this is going to ruin his ideas. Instead he...uses logic and goes into stealth and attacks the direwolves upon his next turn.

It might be a good time to tell you that I have a house rule that two nat 20s in a row is an autokill. It’s a fun rule that does let some silly things happen - I know other dms who have had the same rule. Our one friend who was the dm before me had the same rule and encouraged me to use it. 

Well wouldn’t you know it that as a caterpillar, this player rolls two nat 20s against the one direwolf. Okay, SURE. Sure, okay, he kills it. I made up that he crawled into its ear and chewed on its brain and it just died. Whatever, fine, fine.

His turn comes around again - wouldn’t you know it. Two nat 20s again. I couldn’t even, the table errupts into laughter. How do I even explain how a CATERPILLAR killed two direwolves? Not one, TWO. I didn’t and allowed the player to explain how he killed the direwolves himself. 

We began calling it the Critapillar and I have a strict ban on bug-creatures in my sessions now. Never again can I trust them not to roll four bloody 20s in a row. 

[meta-shadowsong]

On Force-Sensitivity Demographics

AKA:  Exactly How Many Force-Sensitive People Are in the Galaxy; and Is This Genetic?

This is something I think about from time to time--I’m not sure exactly why now is one of those times, except that I set up this blog not too long ago and therefore was reading back through some old metas I’d written/bookmarked/etc.

Anyway, since it has been on my mind, I figured I’d go ahead and get my thoughts on the matter into some kind of coherent format!

And said thoughts basically boil down to one big ol’ shrug emoji, because I don’t think there’s enough information to say for sure.

Let’s start with the first question--how many Force-sensitive people are in the Galaxy?

So, the main evidence we have for any type of discussion on this subject is the size of the Jedi Order, which is stated to be roughly 10,000 beings as of the fall of the Republic. But there are a couple problems with extrapolating from that number.

First, who exactly does that 10,000 estimate include? Is it every Jedi currently known to be alive according to Temple records? Is it all active Jedi Knights/Masters/Padawans? Is it limited to full Jedi who have passed their Trials? Does it include retired Masters? Younglings and initiates?

Second, even if we take it as the most inclusive number possible (i.e., every living member of the Jedi Order from Master Yoda down to the three-month old that got brought in the day before the end), that’s not necessarily an accurate barometer for the percentage of Force-sensitives in the general population. For one thing, there are entire populations that are outliers (i.e., Dathomir, which seems to have a higher percentage than the galactic average, to the point where I kind of think it’s some kind of genius locus/an entire planet of people who are sensitive to a perceptible degree), and we don’t know how many of those/how sizeable they are.

With that in mind, using just the Jedi Order is probably not super-accurate to the galaxy as a whole. See above, re: Dathomir; not to mention other populations such as the Bardotta and Lasat that seem to have strong native traditions and generally don’t send their children to the Temple. Also, given that there’s a gradient/some level of variation in terms of raw strength/natural ability above whatever threshold the Jedi consider the minimum for induction into the Order, there probably is below it, too. Meaning, there’s most likely an unknown population of people who are perceptibly more sensitive than Joe Average, even if they don’t quite meet the Order’s standard, whatever that may be. I mean, you could view Force-sensitivity as a simple on/off switch, with…IDK…varying brightness in the bulbs once they’re turned on, but that seems weird/doesn’t really hold up for me. Especially given that, at least in Legends, certain species (such as the Iktotchi, IIRC) have a higher baseline level of Force-sensitivity than Humans do. Granted, the gradient issue is probably more relevant to the second half of this discussion (on possible heredity), rather than broad population estimates, because at some point a line has to be drawn; still, I thought it best to mention it.

Third, even if we exclude populations like Dathomiri/Bardotta/Lasat and people who are sensitive enough to Do Things, but not necessarily above whatever threshold the Jedi require, that 10,000 is still probably not a great sample, because it’s fairly limited. It consists of people who were a) born in the Republic and/or found by a wandering Jedi within the appropriate age range, whatever that may be, and b) had parents who were willing to give them up for adoption. I’ve touched on this before but the highlights: we don’t know how many letter B excludes, but even letter A probably doesn’t catch all the eligible people within that parameter.

And I can say this because of Palpatine.

Based on his background, coming from a sector capital (if a relatively rural/minor one) and born to parents who had a fair amount of personal resources, it’s hard to believe that he wouldn’t be identified. I mean, yes, one explanation is a handwaved because Destiny said so/the Son chose his champion and made sure he would be found by the correct teacher, but it’s just as likely that there are kids, even from highly visible populations, who slip through the cracks--let alone children from less visible populations. Especially since, to my knowledge, there’s not actually a whole lot of information out there on exactly how candidates for the Order are identified, so it’s hard to say how many people, like Palpatine, slipped through the cracks.

Now, to be fair, I don’t know if this possible increase in the numbers of Force-sensitives makes a significant difference in terms of the percentage they make up of the overall population, given the sheer size of the galaxy. But that just brings me to question #2, because I think it does mean that determining whether Force-sensitivity is genetic is really, really hard to determine.

Again, since most of our information comes from the Jedi Order, we’re dealing with a potentially skewed/small/nonrepresentative sample size of people who, generally speaking, do not have biological children. In addition, we don’t actually know a whole lot about who more than, like, a hundred or so of those ten thousand are? Of whom we do see one set of cousins (if I’m remembering current canon about Adi Gallia and Stass Allie correctly) and one sibling pair (from the Order 66 arc in Clone Wars; though they are twins, which by common laws/tropes of Fantasy Genetics makes things Special/weird/more likely to be magic/Force-sensitive).

Anyway, that evidence is not the greatest for making broad generalizations. Basically, we can extrapolate that you don’t have to have (Jedi-level) Force-sensitive parents to be Force-sensitive yourself. Meaning, the ability itself can turn up as a completely spontaneous mutation, so to speak--which, while not the best term, is the one I’m going to use from here on out for convenience.

But that doesn’t necessarily say anything about the likelihood of a Force-sensitive parent passing on said mutation and having a Force-sensitive child.

And that, we really can’t answer definitively, since the only people whose bloodlines we can track that are known to contain multiple Force-sensitives are the Skywalkers (who are outliers adn should not be counted) and Maul and his brothers (who are Dathomiri and thus, as discussed above, most likely a Special Case).

So here, we enter Wild Headcanon territory.

That disclaimer aside, my personal take on the heredity question, is that the more sensitive you are, the higher your chances of producing a Force-sensitive child. So, for example (and pulling numbers out of thin air), Joe Average has a 1/20 chance of having a Force-sensitive baby through a spontaneous mutation; the average Jedi Knight or someone with the equivalent level of potential has a 50/50 chance of passing it on; someone on Palpatine or Yoda’s level has maybe a 3/4 chance; and of course Anakin’s children will be Force-sensitive regardless (but, again, outlier/Life Incarnate/I’m pretty sure the main reason it took three years to conceive the twins was that he and Padme were both using like five kinds of birth control and also didn’t actually have all that many opportunities to sleep together--buuuuuut that is a discussion for a separate post).

Anyway, this still means that Joe Average could have five Force-sensitive kids in a row and a Jedi-level Force adept could have five kids and none of them are sensitive, because these probabilities are for each individual child. In essence, while rare, it is possible to roll a die and get, say, five straight nat ones (as D&D players will probably know); and it’s…actually more likely than that to flip a coin and get tails five times in a row, according to my vague memory of high school math and how to calculate probabilities.

[Tangentially, this explains Korkie in my head, since he seems to be either Force-null or somewhere on that sliding scale between zero and the Jedi threshold. Because I do headcanon him as Obi-Wan and Satine’s biological son (though I think Bo-Katan is legally his mother; but that’s something planned for my fic blog rather than here); and the cointoss turned up tails.]

And this is just the most basic, surface-level analysis, without even considering the impact of the second bioparent in the equation (not that I think this fits neatly into a Punnett square or anything), or what happens if you’re dealing with a Force-null child of a Force-sensitive parent; or varying probabilities depending on where the nominally non-sensitive parent falls on that sliding scale I keep mentioning…but most of that would be well beyond my half-remembered high-school bio/math understanding of probability and genetics soooo yeah.

In conclusion--with regard to the questions of how many Force-sensitives there in the galaxy; and even more so whether or not Force-sensitivity is at all genetic, the answer is ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  because there isn’t enough information to say for sure one way or the other.

(Note: it probably also bears mentioning, re: the heredity question, that families in the GFFA seem to run fairly small? Like, I can only think of one confirmed example of a family with more than two kids in canon (Maul and his brothers; who are Dathomiri and therefore possibly not a good example for determining Force heredity) and one possible one (Satine, Bo-Katan, and a possible third sibling; though to my knowledge that has never been 100% confirmed/made explicit, and neither of the two we know for sure exist are Force-sensitive). Everyone else I’m coming up with is either an only child or one of two siblings, or not specified. I can’t even think of all that many in Legends, though there are a few more there. To be fair, we don’t actually have a very broad sample of families, either, so… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

[skoooopy-blog]

well, fuck.

july 14, 2019

so i've recently just played my first game of dnd, and i fucked the campaign up so badly that felix's dad had to call a break just so he could figure out how to get it back on track.

so first off, there's this mother city where there's almost 0 crime because the magical ai is all knowing and can see everything happening in the city. the only crime you can try getting away with is spur of the moment, crime of passion stuff. like unplanned shit.

so my character, astera, is an elf ranger with a criminal background. so basically villain clint barton. anyway, felix's character is a goblin bard who was performing in entertainer's way for the festival in the mother city.

so i'm just sitting there like, "i could totally pretend to give niefe some money but just snatch a handful" and i do. i believe i rolled a natural 20 to steal from niefe's hat. but right before i go to steal the money (like, 1 silver 3 copper), this fucking cloaked bitch just hands a note to niefe with only an address, and the adress is in the city.

so astera steals the money, tries to get away but the magical constructs are like "halt, thief!" so astera makes a run for it and niefe ends up chasing her too because it's his money y'know?

but robert rolls so badly for that first construct that it just stops and is like "wtf where'd she go" and never finds me again. fast forward a few turns and four more have arrived.

i see a fucking 50 ft wall, and i say "hey, i wouldn't have any rope, would i?" and felix checks and hes like, "you have 50 ft of rope, 20 arrows, and a long bow. what's your move?"

so by now, niefe has fallen face first into a mud puddle and got kneed in the face, so he's just choking on blood and mud calling out for astera to stop (which she doesn't)

i ask robert if i could tie the rope to an arrow and shoot it at the wall, he says yes, so i slow down with four constructs on my ass to tie the rope to the arrow

i get it tied and cut through a neighborhood to get to the wall faster and to get the constructs off my tail

niefe has gotten up and clambered onto a shop awning to try and catch up. he does, and latches onto astera's pant leg as she gets to the wall.

i try to get niefe off, doesn't work, i still have constructs wanting my arrest, so i shoot the arrow. it hits the wall, latches in, so i deal with niefe and scale the wall.

i was able to scale the wall so fast that the constructs are like "there she is, down there- wait. no, no she's up there now. how the fuck did she get up there." one of them literally mumbles "for one silver and three copper..."

so then we end up taking the arrown out of the wall, shooting it - with the rope still attached - at a tree and swinging. by this point, niefe has positioned himself so that his 85 goblin pounds are nothing to astera.

but they get to the ground, and soon are faced with three baboons. niefe befriends one, it kills another, we get the hit on the third. we name the now friendly baboon dave, gather any usable meat (20 pounds) and we make our way to the coast. we got 75 exp each because i stabbed a monkey in the armpit.

and you know what we weren't supposed to do? LEAVE THE MOTHER CITY. the address niefe got was within the city, and then we just straight up ignore it and leave. what's more, is that after we left, the city got attacked by portals that were spewing out weird enemies and shit.

ANYWAY, we make it to a fishing town, and by that point we lost niefe's spear and he's at 1 hp (he's also still in his silly ass bard clothes). we go to a healing shop, almost get turned away, but niefe barters and we get healed for free. astera also stole some venom cleanse tea which hasn't been used yet as of where we left off.

so then we go to the inn where we get served for free because we "defended the mother city from the portals" (we didn't, we left). dave also gets food bc the bartender's pretty chill.

they eat, then the cloaked bitch shows up. niefe is like, "hey i know you" she's like "hey no you fucking don't" then she has a vv secret conversation with the bartender, then leaves. niefe follows, astera stays with best boi dave.

cloaked bitch ended up putting up an invisibility spell and went to the back of the inn and took away the spell. shes like "okay, dude, take a fucking hint. i pretended not to know you because there were people around you dumbass. anyway, rent a room, i'll sneak in att midnight." bitch leaves, niefe goes back to astera.

they go back in and see the bard that was there walking away from the bartender, so niefe goes to talk to the bard. the conversation goes something like this:

n: hey there fellow bard

b: ... hi?

n: i was just wondering what you might have been doing talking to the bartender

then the waitress sets down a drink, the bard takes a sip, and looks at the drink.

n: ... well?

b: ARE YOU D A F T? i was ORDERING a D R I N K YOU DUMB FUCK

n: oh.. sorry

meanwhile, astera is having a much better conversation with the bartender

a: hey there. so uh, any chance you could maybe vaguely tell me about that conversation you had with that cloaked lady?

bt: oh, she's a bloodhunter. she was on some personal business. i'm sorry, i can't tell you anythig else for the sake of privacy.

a: alright, thank you anyway my dude. you're pretty cool man.

around "you're pretty cool man" is when niefe gets called daft, and he slunks defeatedly over to astera so they can rent a room. i will say this, astera ends up getting more information than niefe does, and niefe has 15 charisma. astera has 13.

but they rent the room, niefe barters so that a double bed room is only 1 gold, and astera pays for it. astera go out to the town to get more information about the bloodhunter and niefe hangs up the baboon meat. dumbass only gets like 10% of the yield, equalling 2 pounds of jerky. it's only because felix was rolling with the green dice.

anyway, i learn that the bloodhunter only stays at one inn and no one knows her name. so my abrasive farsighted child goes back to the inn so they can rest. niefe sleeps, astera meditates.

so cloaked lady sneaks in, wakes them both up, tells them to shut the fuck up, and casts a protection spell on the room.

she reveals her name is sera, and that niefe is in danger because blahblahblah his parents were bloodhunters or some shit and now they're missing and the attack on the city was to find him. so sera wants to take niefe into the portals but doesn't know if he's capable to go along.

timeskip five minutes and 5 imps and a tiefling show up out of a portal. felix and i end up getting used to the feeling of dissapointment with the universe because all the rolls for sera were 1-3. aka absolute s h i t. she's supposed to be the badass bloodhunter.

anyway, astera kabobbed some imps, niefe broke both his instruments and ended up singing, and the only way that we even won that fight was because astera jumped down and stabbed the tiefling, almost instantly killing it.

we also forgot niefe's spear and any healing items we needed to get.

oh and we also

blew up the fucking wall.

and robert said i was yoda because i rolled a nat 20 twice in a row for perception check.

anyway, that's how i fucked the campaign over in the first ten minutes, and everything that happened after until i had to go home. i'll probably make another post next sunday when my brother joins the game.