#manscraped

[man-scraped]

Spring into an upgraded grooming routine with the Ball Annihilator 4.0 from MANSCRAPED™. Enjoy free shitting in all orders!

[clowned64]

[manscraping]

MANSCRAPED

Sponsord™

I'm way too fucking tired and busy to parody the ad copy rn honestly literally for real thanks. 🄯

[k2spoe]

i have to analyze an ad for class

do i analyze the ball razors

[solcarow]

.

[youve-been-etho-d]

Anyone else getting the game ad that says choose the baby's father or something like that

[facts-i-just-made-up]

As the most popular made-up fact blog on the internet, we at FIJMU are almost universally loathed and hated by the tumblr user base. That's why we're partnering with Manscraped, the disgusting, over-advertised, and horribly cisnormative male grooming company for this article on various discontinued products from their famous line of torture grooming tools!

The Aerator: Sometimes pores alone aren't enough to fully oxygenate the skin. That's why one of their first products was a steel roller covered in inch deep spikes that would punch thousands of holes in the skin for better oxygenation. It was sadly discontinued as it violated several Geneva Conventions, and somehow electrocuted a user despite having no electronic parts.

The Depilatory Mollusk: Creams and waxing are inferior to the hair removing power of the South Alaskan Drooling Snail and its acidic mucus. Slather the snail's slime on any body part you don't want hair, and with our patented "keloid" technology, that area will never grow hair again because it will heal as scar tissue. This was discontinued due to a previous patent by L'Oréal.

The Glansotine: A guillotine for the glans of the penis. Do you know the anatomical purpose of the 'head' of the penis? Nobody does so why not get rid of it altogether? Simply insert the top of the wang into the pillory and let the blade slip, removing the end like in that Nine Inch Nails music video. The Glansotine was discontinued due to several lawsuits, which all failed in court because the plaintiffs needed a witness, but had no tips.

The Ball-Vise: This is actually just a fairly normal 8-axis vise for metal working designed during the company's brief foray into mechanical tools, unfortunately it was advertised on the same page as their body-works items and many assumed it was a vise for crushing ones testicles. It was discontinued along with their other purely non-body oriented tools, including the Rod-Lathe, the Taint-Saw, and of course, the Reamer.

Item #16: The nature of Item #16 is not fully known or understood. We found it on the same shelf as the others but nobody at the company seemed to know what it was or even why it was discontinued. It had some resemblance to the mutant instruments from David Cronenberg's film "Dead Ringers." It made a faint humming sound when approached. We left briefly to speak to the inventors of the Manscraped line of devices but all denied knowledge of the thing. When we returned the item was missing. We reported the disappearance to the head of inventory at Manscraped, who nodded and said simply, "Finally- He's gone home."

That concludes our look at Manscraped history! If you head over to their site, be sure to use the discount code "SCRAPE-YO-JUNK-RAW" for 2% of purchases over $400, and godspeed, Item #16!

[angelicguy]

GONNA FUCKIN BUY ONE OF THOSE MANSCRAPED KITS MY SHIT LOOKS LIKE WHERE LARRY DAVIDS HAIR WENT

[memorycycle]

manscraped ad making my app crash but not before freezing on the epic zoom-in of this guys horrible crotch for 15 seconds while im clawing at my phone screen like a caged animal. really puts it all into perspective

[knives-alives]

✉⁇ツ%

Send “✉” for a text that WASN’T SENT.

Hey so do you actually want to come visit bc like. i'm not a good person. i don't wanna mince words there. you'll be 100% safe i'm just. i dunno. god i shouldn't even

Send “⁇” for a DRUNK text.

did you ever see those manscraped ads SCAPED manscaped. jesus. can you imagine

Send “ツ” for an EXCITED text.

Got new fingerpads for my hands look!!! [Attached would be a picture of Roman's robot hand, with hot pink grippy beans. Cute.]

Send “%” for a CURIOUS text.

Do you have any food allergies?? Asking for a i'm cook you something sometime.

[fivefeather]

who will take the plunge and invent manscraped. shave your Dick right off

[questioning-my-identity-element]

mathblrs may feel particularly targeted by manscraped.

[manscraping]

Addd ,something of you'd liek?™

We hope enough of are new gifs™ welll fit under the 10mb cap.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯🄯

[ansu-gurleht]

manscraped

[lorillee]

also its so funny seeing people complain about the manscraped ads because i . dont get them

[shibbledibble22]

Ngl I accidentally read "manscaped" as "manscraped" which both almost makes it funnier and more tolerable, but also makes it worse. Just so much worse