Eurovision 2010: 80 - 76
80. Birgit - “Et uus saaks alguse”
Estonia 2013
It is easy to write Birgit’s superhigh ranking off as my pro-Estonia bias, but I actually did NOT like “Et uus saaks alguse” until the semifinal aired. 🤭 You see, 2013 was the first year I followed preselections and i was SMITTEN by the quirky Lõhmus song Birgit beat in EL. You may have heard of “Päästke Noored Hinged”, and if you haven’t educate yourself now and return here once you’re finished. Ready? Okay, let’s continue~
Anyway, Birgit is just... so adorable? So charismatic? Such a soothing, likable presence? Her magical voice and hypnotic swaying was the exact medicine to treat my Paia ptsd. Before I knew it, I was humming the chorus without thinking about it twice, singing a self-made Dutch translation in the shower on a daily basis. In the end, Birgit won me over, which I think you’ll agree, is a stronger phrasing of words than “I fell in love”. A true example of an underrated gem who deserves more love and attention.
After the contest, Birgit gave birth to a healthy son, continued to live a happy life with her family, occasionally cropping up in Eesti Laul as a juror or in a hilarious collab with Tanja. This ending to her arc pleases me almost as much as “Et uus saaks alguse” did, because if there’s any europerson (besides Valentina Monetta and Ieva Zasimauskaite) that I wish all the happiness in the world, it is Birgit Õigemeel.
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79. IVAN - “Help you fly”
Belarus - 2016
If I can fly, then you can flyyyyYYYyyyYYYoyoyoohoyojojkoghkooo
With 330+ of read updates under your belt, it should hardly be a surprise to you that I LOVED “Help you fly” the second I heard it, because is there anything as timeless, as ethereal, as enjoyably dated as 80s electronic ska? NO I DON’T THINK SO. TAAAAAAAAKE OOOOOOOOOOON MEEEEEEEEEEEE
However, I don’t think anybody expected IVAN to reveal his true Crazy Person Colours in the months after his selection. 😍 The first inkling came when IVAN insisted “Help you fly”s uplifting message would only be done justice if he did it starkers AND flanked by REAL WOLVES. When the EBU was like “um no wtf you crazy man”, being, you know, the sane boring people we know them to be, IVAN resorted to high-tech CGI to get his ~artistic vision across~
Lol I often joke about the insanity found at Eurovision but IVAN might be insane for real, which... is really damn’ fucking awesome because it turned “Help you fly” in one of the best acid trips of all time, while also remaining a good song on top of that, and also ironic because “leave all the madness behind” is one of the few audible lines. 😂 So let us bask in the glory of this:
and this:
and this
It is often said that the line between genius and insanity is fairly blurred and IVAN is masterfully... avoiding that line by going all in. "Help you fly” is absolutely BONKERS and frankly, I can’t help being impressed. Of course, it is exactly like “Telemóveis” in that whatever underlying message it had has completely flown over the heads of the gobsmacked audience, and arguably IVAN himself <3 Every time an entry dismantles our expectations with mind-blowing awesomeness, it’s a blessing. Thank you IVAN for blessing us <3
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78. The Shin & Mariko - “Three minutes to Earth”
Georgia 2014
MORE BONKERS ENTRIES <3 God, I remember EVERYONE losing their damn’ marbles when “Three minutes to Earth” was announced. NOBODY could make any sense of it whatsoever <3 It’s like... a bizarre amalgamation of different world music traditions without any discernible melody <3 A jam session not from this fucking planet. Of course, this made the vast bulk of the fandom HATE it,
However... I was always intrigued and soon fell in love with its disarming avant garde hopelessness <3
Appreciation which bloomed into genuine deep affection once I realized “Three minutes to Earth” is a song about... ALIEN ABDUCTION <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
TOLD FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF THE ALIENS!!!!!!!!!
Which is... really fucking CLEVER, wtf?
Like, if we assume, hypothetically, that a friendly alien race were find the Voyager and decipher how to use the golden records, a song such as “Three minutes to Earth” could very well be their interpretation of our music, abducting and indoctrinating a few random Georgians to share their message of peace and cooperation, with millions of people worldwide. That.. is conceptually the most ridiculous sentence I’ve ever written on this blog, and worse, I believe every word of it. PISS AND LIGHT EVERYWHEEEEEERE.
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77. Hera Björk - “Je ne sais quoi”
Iceland 2010
When in doubt, always bring the agressive euroschlager, and man, Hera Björk is such a force of camp nature. She provided more fire and buzz than the fucking volcano whose name nobody can pronounce (from memory, the name is “Eyjafjallajökull” ^_^) The Eyjafjallajökull mught have held all of the European airports into a chokehold, but in Eurovision it was HERA who ruled (for a brief moment).
also take a moment to ponder on the fact she looks like Lady Tremaine’s cat.
I mean, “Je ne sais quoi” has ~that special something, something just can’t explain~ just kidding, I can and I shall: "Je ne sais quoi” is shamelessly camp, with a cheesy francophone hook, pinging its status as homo-friendly eurotrash to all the gay people EUROVISION FANS that love shameless campy schlager.
What I like the most however are the explicit references to aggressive love-making. “WHEN I SEE YOU FACE I WANNA FOLLOW MY EMOTIONS” Is this song about Hera getting the d this song is about Hera getting the d isn’t it. (“d” being dick or dildo, you pick the option that wets ur humourwhistle the most.) Well, I am happy! Obese people deserve all the happiness in life. Then again, I am saying this as a man big enough to have a cleavage, so maybe that opinion is a bit bias- OKAY MOVING ON.
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76. Maraaya - “Here for you”
Slovenia 2015
Okay, I will be first to admit that “Here for you” slapped SO MUCH MORE in studio version. Arguably the best song Slovenia have ever sent to Eurovision? Definitely the best between Sebi and Cvet z Juga. And the yes, the live didn’t *entirely* live up to the hype... However, a slightly less good “Here for you” is still fucking awesome? LEGIT CHARTABLE SONG THAT ISN’T BORING <3 AIR VIOLIN REALNESS <3
However, you all know that I LIVE for the small moments of incompetence and weirdness, and Marjetka provides two big ones BY HERSELF: There’s of course the hilarity of the headphones & lace dress, but what I’m getting at is the chronic headbobbing: seriously, is this a tic:
This reminds me of 1968 BorisBubbles fave Claes-Göran Hederström and his incessant lip-licking.
(Most lubricated lips in the herstory of Eurovision 😍)
Of course, Marjetka’s persistent headbobbing also had a hilarious impact on her voice, giving her a stuttering vibrato, as she were cycling over a cobblestone road while singing this song. 😍
After doing Eurovision and showcasing their talent to everyone in Europe, Maraaya went back to Slovenia, becoming their Sven Lõhmus and loyally delivering a slew of trashy semi-chartable shitsongs into EMA every year since, winning with none of them. 😍
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🎶✨when u get this, list 5 songs u like to listen to, publish. then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (positivity is cool) 🎶✨
I got the same ask also from @fangirlinglikealoon @ladysorbus @aurum-rosae and @joonasmybeloved so instead of spamming you are getting 25 songs I like... and then I'm gonna have to find 50 favorite followers 😂
1. Hamilton – You’ll Be Back
2. Les Misérables – At the End of the Day
3. Hairspray – You Can’t Stop the Beat
4. Book of Mormon – Hello!
5. The Phantom of the Opera – Think of Me
6. Beetlejuice – The Whole “Being Dead” Thing
7. Something Rotten! – A Musical
8. Cats – The Jellicle Ball
9. Dear Evan Hansen – Sincerely, Me
10. Come From Away – 28 Hours / Wherever We Are
11. Ultra Bra – Säkeitä Erwin Rommelille
12. PMMP – Kohkausrock
13. Scandinavian Music Group – Helsinkiin
14. Christopher Tin – Baba Yetu
15. Mahmood – Soldi
16. Justs – Heartbeat
17. Eugent Bushpepa – Mall
18. AWS – Viszlát nyár
19. The Roop – On Fire
20. Koza Mostra – Alcohol is Free
21. Maraaya – Here For You
22. Emma – La Mia Cittá
23. Counting Lifeboats – Kiss Me at Midnight
24. Nightwish – Stargazers
25. Blind Channel – Lanterns
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