#marianne deeming

[mistymisfit]

So long, Marianne III

Summary: Reader is a spy working undercover in Gotham when she meets Jason Todd, who despite her better judgement she forms a very close friendship with. This story follows their escape from Arkham asylum, their fall out and the times they run into each other as they get older.

Relationship: AK!Jason x Meta!Fem!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of reader being at the beach and wearing unspecified swimwear, mentions of Jason being taller than reader, the shittiest vaguest smut you'll ever read (it's separated with ** in case anyone wants to skip it), mentions of past SA, and graphic descriptions of depression (like straight out of my psychopathology textbook). So minors DNI!!!!

Word Count: 6,5K

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Years passed and you got better, better at handling your feelings, at smothering them down so you wouldn't make the same mistake again. Countless identities after and you haven't even been close to getting involved with someone the same way you did with Jason. Now you lived and moved under the name "Penny Lewis", a fake identity as a journalist that would allow you to move around countries to wherever they sent you.  You wouldn't lie to yourself, it was lonely and on some nights you wished you would've said yes to him. But you wouldn't have forgiven yourself if you let your life be defined by him. You knew the consequences of deserting and any happiness a life with him could've bought you would have been overshadowed by guilt. You heard of Joker's death from some people you walked past last time you were in the States, realizing he finally died of whatever disease he was making you slow down on the very same night you escaped. You also found out Batman was still alive and kicking, after that you wondered were Jason was, wasn't he hellbent on killing him?

Now you were stationed in Venezuela, the closest headquarters of your agency were in an entire different country so you were all on your own. Your only company being the agent who you got partnered with, a serious guy, with not much muscles but was a tech expert. The cover was that you were a regular couple on a holiday, but what you were really doing was investigating, someone was training people and forming an army there. You had to find out who and why. You've felt bad about certain missions before, especially when after getting the information you needed your bosses decided not to do anything about it because they deemed the situation was "not important enough", when you were there available and ready to stop a tragedy. What would be the reason for someone to form a secret army in a country under a dictatorship? Maybe they were just trying to get their rights back, free their country. But you sighed and pushed it all down, at least you get to enjoy the sea for a moment.

Unbeknownst to you, you were being observed from a distance . He was doing a routine perimeter check by himself, using it as an excuse to take a walk and be on his own, when he looked around and thought he saw you in the distance from the cliff he was on. He thought it'd be impossible but still presses on the side of his helmet to zoom in, so it was you. You had a different haircut, and hair color but he'd recognize you anywhere. He takes in the sight of you, now older and no longer the teenager he remembered. You were talking to someone, the other person stands up when you turn around to take off your dress and leave it on an arm-chair. He doesn't mean to but his breath hitches when he sees you in your swimwear, guess he didn't get over his crush like he thought. His expression under the mask changes when he sees who you were talking to, a guy, a very friendly guy who puts a hand on your hip and you kiss his cheek. What the fuck? Is the only thing he could think about. Until he feels a heavy hand on his shoulder.

"Are we losing time spying on girls on the beach now?" The scoff he lets out in response is almost inaudible under the electronic voice the helmet gave him.

"Fuck off, Wilson" He brushes off the hand on his shoulders and moves along, clearly you were not who he remembered. You moved on when he couldn't, he was holding onto a memory and a moment of his life he knew would never come back. He had to force himself to see what you really were right now, a threat to his plan not an old friend.

Knowing of your presence and your line of work, he instructed his men to run more frequent perimeter checks and be more wary of any breaches or intrusions. So, a few nights after he first saw you, you find yourself sneaking into his base. You were good, stealthy and well-trained, light on your feet and fast- with the addition of being able to stop time. You avoid all eyes, and hide in the dark using the lack of lights to your advantage. Of course the secret military base would have the least amount of lights outside of it to avoid attracting any attention. It was close enough to the city in case anything was needed but also far away enough to go unnoticed. Whoever was running this operation knew what they were doing. You climbed to the roof of the main building, where you thought was most likely to have an office, which would have papers or a computer that you could use to find out who they were. Quick fingers work on picking the lock of a door on the back of it but as soon as you open it you are stopped.

A gun is pressed to your temple and you thought "fuck", you almost made it in.

"Don't move an inch, sweetheart" The man next to you speaks, and then moves your hair with the muzzle "I remember you, no powers, make a move and I'll shoot you"

You weakly nod in response, how did you even get caught? You've been studying their shifts, their patterns, everything. He was not supposed to be here. You raise your hands, signaling defeat, a bullet to your head was one of the things you couldn't heal. He opens the door and pushes you in, it leads to a dark storage unit. With the gun still fixed on your head he walks behind you, telling you were to go. Until you made it to the main room, a few gasps and whispers from the men there are heard, shocked to see someone made it past through all the security measures. You could feel the uncountable amount of eyes on you, the attention making you uneasy- not that your life being threatened didn't make you feel uneasy enough. But if he had orders to kill on sight, you would've been dead by now so you may still have a chance of escaping.

"Someone call the Knight!" He shouts, getting somebody to bind your hands behind your back with a zip tie "this gun leaves her head and we're all fucked"

He was right, you'd go for him first. Maybe only for him and then flee, they wouldn't make a fuss over one casualty. You could still complete your mission. Then you see him walking towards you, a tall man, wearing a helmet- was it electronic? huh? You assume only the helmet is robotic because he moved like a real person, it wouldn't be the weirdest thing you've come across. A robot leading a secret militia, that's a funny story to tell. Everything from his posture to the way he walked and held himself made you think he looked like the boss of this place. His gloved hand holds your jaw and leans down, like he's getting a good look at you under the blue screen of his helmet. You debate for a second if it'd be a good idea to spit on it, you were already fucked there's no other way than down now.

"To think such a pretty face could take us all out before we noticed" You barely hear the whisper of the modulated voice. And you don't know why it angers you to the point all logic is thrown out the window and you decide to take it out on the --much taller than you-- guy in front of you. He acknowledged your strength, what you were capable of doing and called you pretty while he was at it too.

You headbutt him below his chin, figuring that might be a weak point in the helmet. Had he not worn that you would've gone straight for his forehead, it was his fault for putting himself so close to you. He stumbles a few steps back from you, and you could hear the "ohh"s and gasps from the men there. It feels good for about 5 seconds, then you start wondering why you haven't been shot yet. Wasn't the man who found you supposed to be a hit man or something like that? And you were also severely outnumbered, this could have been over a while ago. You hear a robotic chuckle, it probably didn't even hurt him, and then hes grabbing your arm tightly, pushing a gun to your side.

"Adorable" He mocks

"Fuck you" You whisper under your breath, still not ready to go without a fight.

"Party's over, go the fuck home" He screams , squeezing your arm so hard you'll think it will leave a bruise "I'll handle her myself"

He starts guiding you away and for a second you have trouble keeping up with his much longer steps. You huff in annoyance, sure that if you were to stop walking he could hold you up and drag you with how strong his grip was on you. You move quite a lot, you didn't expect the place to be so big, you even go up a set of stairs until he finally opens the door to what looks like an office-kind of. It doesn't look like the place gets much use, and the sole desk only has a few things scattered over it, you doubt any of them had any importance if he took you there. There wasn't even a computer on it and you noted the chair on the other side even had dust on it. What you didn't hear on your way out was the words exchanged between the men, which would definitely have let you guess who hid under the robot mask.

"They know each other?" One of the Knight's most trusted lieutenants asked.

"She's an old ex-girlfriend of his," He clarifies, remembering how you got away. "used to be a real pain in my ass once"

"He knew she was coming?"

Slade just shrugged and walked away, avoiding anymore questions. Of course the kid knew, that's why he had doubled the perimeters check, he wasn't stupid. But it wasn't until now that he put two and two together and realized you were who he was staring at the beach the other day.

He turns you to face the desk with your back to him and it makes you nervous. What was he going to do? You'll freeze him and escape if he tries anything weird, screw a cover. They already knew too much about you so it's not like your cover mattered much anyways. He takes out a knife, God knows from where, and to your surprise uses to cut off the zip tie around your wrists.

"Why are you freeing me?"

"Because I know you wont try anything funny" You recognize the now non-modulated voice, of course it's him. Who else would be running a militia like this? It almost makes you want to laugh, sure this is how you find each other after 5 years. You see the helmet dropped at the desk but you don't dare to turn and face him just yet. You had 5 years to think about everything, to make peace with every choice you took but you were still a little afraid to face him.

"This usual for you?" He asks when you keep quiet, you don't even look at him. He wants to say he's disappointed but he can't. He knows someone like you, pretty and perfect, won't dwell in the past like he does. "Getting caught?"

"No," you reply in a weak whisper "this is my first time actually"

"What about the time-"

"It was on purpose, I was ordered to let myself get captured" You cut him off, crossing your arms in front of yourself, as if trying to shield your body from something you were not quite sure what it was. This was one of the things that would be easier to tell him without looking at his face, not like you are not dying to stare at him and see if he's changed with the years.

"Of course," He scoffs, a gloved hand resting on your shoulder "you just happened to run into your kidnapped boyfriend, lucky me"

You blush despite the situation you were in, you never thought you'd live to see the day you heard Jason calling himself your boyfriend-even if he was using that tone. Even if he had an attitude like that, was he still pissed? even after all this time?

"Jason" You sigh, what now? You tell him about how you were ordered not to look for him any further? How you disobeyed and got yourself punished from insubordination? Though that is probably how you ended up with that suicide --let yourself be captured-- mission that led you to find him.

"What? Can't even look me in the eye?" He sighs too, ending the sentence by whispering your name. "You hate me now?"

"Don't ever say that" You quickly turn around to face him. Was he always this tall? And this huge? He's obviously gained a lot of muscle since the last time you saw him, and probably grew a few inches taller too. Do boys keep growing after they turn 18? Or did he always tower over you this much? You made yourself a mental note to look it up when it was safe. Yeah, you saw him moments ago, but he had the helmet on, you didn't know you were looking at Jason it was different.

He, obviously, still has the J scar on his face, and he looks even more rough than what you remembered. You still think he's handsome, though. And his eyes are just as pretty as you remembered. It feels like the world stopped on its axis when you look at him, your memory pales in comparison to the real thing. Even if his presence has changed, and he feels much more dangerous now, you still see the same boy who would sneak to your room to get his broken ribs fixed and cuddle you. You wanted to believe he was still in there, that all the trouble you went through to help him wasn't for nothing. He's staring at you too, he has been since you entered his view, but now he is not wearing the mask so you can see his eyes trained on you.

"I could never hate you" You wanted to reach for him, touch him, just to make sure it was real but you refrained from doing it. You didn't know if he'd be okay with it, you had to bring yourself back to earth and think about how much he could've changed in the past few years.

"There you are, looking prettier than the day I left you" He apparently has no problem grabbing your face and squeezing your cheeks.

"Oh so your memory is intact" you push his hand away, his words reminding you that you were supposed to be mad at him.

"Come on, baby" He's trying to butter you up with the pet name, and you're ashamed to say it's working "You promised me some answers"

"Then ask" You tease, leaning backwards to the desk and resting your palms on it to support yourself.

"Why Marianne? Why Penny?" He asks, your legs were caged in between his not allowing you to leave as he towered over you. Hot, you thought against all logic and reason. You are not surprised to hear him say your new alias either, he must've done his research too.

"They're songs from the sixties" Your head tilted to the side with your gaze still fixed on him. You were just trying to update your memory of him, for future reference.

"The Beatles?"

"And Leonard Cohen, you should look him up." You suggest.

"Who's the guy with you?" You chuckle at the petty question.

"Jealous much? Don't worry about him, it's all make pretend"

"What about your family?" Jason questions, not letting you linger on the fact that he was in fact very jealous of the guy he thought to be your boyfriend.

"My parents died in the accident that gave me my powers... or at least that's what they told me." You sigh, ouch sensitive topic, but you had promised yourself to tell him everything he wanted to know because of the guilt that ate you up when you thought he was dead. You never saw their bodies or any confirmation that this was true. All you had to go from was their word, and they could've killed your parents to secure you as an asset for all you know. "It also gave me amnesia, so I don't remember much of that"

"And you don't have a missing sister?" He follows up, remembering what you told him all those years ago. That you were not interested in fighting crime like he was, you were sneaking out at night to try to find your missing sister. Something you wouldn't tell him much about, and he didn't pressure you into giving out more information because he thought it was a sensitive subject.

"I have a sister," you look down and to the side, as if hiding your face from him "she isn't missing. She's got a normal life and it'll stay like that"

"Is she why you didn't leave with me?" His hand gently guides your chin so you look up at him again, this time you grab his wrist to stop him. Yes , you wanted to say.

"Lose the gloves," You try to change the subject, now holding the most intense eye contact of your life "touch me seriously"

He's taken aback by your request. You wanted what? Him touching you? He's not sure if he should do it, ever since his time in Arkham he's been keeping to himself. Jason's pretty sure the last time he felt skin to skin contact was the last time he saw you, when he grazed your skin pulling your hair back.

"How do your powers work?" He asks, changing the subject too. You were just two people trying so hard to avoid the other to step on their emotional landmines. If one of you got too close the other would be quick to push them away, not allowing yourselves to fully open up despite promising to be honest. It almost makes you want to sigh in defeat, you were still holding his wrist so you put his hand on the desk behind you as close to your body as possible.

"I control time to a certain degree, so when I heal you I just turn your body back to before it was injured," You explain "it wouldn't work on any disease your body was going to develop anyways, I can slow it down but your body will always progress to it"

"Like Alzheimer?" You nod "So when you stopped Deathstroke you...froze him in time?"

"Pretty much, yes"

"What about bullet wounds?"

"Can't do much if the bullet's still inside, I can only stop the bleeding so much"

"And what abou-"

"Jay" You cut him off with a plea.

And with the look you give him he decides to give it a shot, just for you. He roughly presses his lips to yours, to test if he'd be able to take it. It almost knocked the air out of your lungs, first he refused to take off his gloves to touch you and now he's kissing you like this.

"I want to..." He whispers, his hands holding your face to make sure you won't go anywhere. "I want to try"

"We can take it slow" You offer and he nods along, letting go of you to finally take off his gloves.

First he touches your face, taking in your soft skin and you let him. You've wanted to feel his hands on you for too long, he can touch you anywhere he wants for all you care. Then he moves them down to your waist, and pulls up your black shirt until it's not tucked in your pants and he can sneak under the clothing, your breath hitches but you allow it. The second he's kissing you again he's completely disregarding what you told him about going slow. If it wasn't for him holding you, your arms on which you were resting your weight would've given out.  

"Can I?" You barely manage to get away from him to ask, and he nods quickly before kissing you again.

Your arms go around his neck, just enough to push him closer to you but at the same time trying not to overwhelm him. What did slow mean again? He realizes how touch starved he is, that it's not that he didn't want to be touched at all, he wanted to be touched by someone he knew would never hurt him. He needed to know that said touch wasn't meant to harm him or didn't have any second intentions to do so. Jason understands, right in that moment, that he wanted you back as much as wanted revenge on Batman. He's lifting you up so you sit on the desk, a hand leaving your waist just to guide your legs to wrap around him. He starts to lift your shirt up, but you stop him. You couldn't bear the feeling of someone else's hands taking off your clothes, not again. It almost felt like you could hear her voice again, telling you all about how you were such a cute thing and you were lucky her and her homicidal maniac of a partner were looking out for you from other immates-- and staff members. Worst part was you knew deep down she wasn't lying about that. You desperately don't want to go back there, not now.

"I'm sorry-"you whisper, and he recognizes that tone and that look in your face. It's the same as his own "let me..."

He only hums in agreement and gives you some space so you can take your black shirt off. Your fingers curl trying to get a hold of the chest-plate of his armor when you drag him back to kiss you. You feel his warm hands on your waist again, lowering down and keeping you in place. There was no running away now, not that you wanted to. Jason was not letting go of you tonight, his hold staying the same as his kisses go from your lips to your neck, right over your pulse point. He guides your hand to where you could take the suit off, and you learn fast working on undoing buckles and belts to rid him of the unnecessary layer of metal right now.

"I missed you" he whispers against your neck, you were blushing now.

"I missed you too" You sigh, the chest armor dropping to the floor with a loud noise that almost makes both of you flinch.

You had your eyes closed up until that moment where he stopped. You caught him staring at the tattoo on your hip. They were numbers small enough not to draw attention to them, written in a way you could've passed it off as a date in case anyone asked but its real purpose was to serve to recognize you in case you died. That was if the tracker under your skin was taken out or your face was unrecognizable. It made you feel like branded livestock, as if you were just an object. You always avoid looking at it and he should do the same. Now it was your turn to grab his chin and lead his face to look at you. Jason wasn't the only one troubled in this relationship, you had your own issues too.

"Don't" you scold, setting a clear boundary. Which he respects, he won't ask about it and if you don't want him to stare he won't.

He evens you out by taking the black long-sleeved t-shirt he wore under the suit and you don't want to stare but good God... Your eyes rush from his abs back to his eyes and you catch him smirking, you let out a giggle at the thought of him teasing you for it. He was about to do the same to you, make you look up so you wouldn't pay attention to his scars but when he noticed they were your eyes looked he knew that's not what distracted you. It felt almost normal, like you were a normal girl and a normal guy about to hook up. Of course in the back of your head you knew it wasn't the case but you allowed yourself to cling into that sense of normalcy. He's grateful that you ignore his more visible scars, that you still see him as the guy you met in Gotham so long ago. He wants to think that in your eyes at least he wasn't a failure.

"I'm sorry," He whispers, both hands cupping your face tenderly as if he wasn't holding your entire skull in them "I get it now... why you couldn't tell me, and that I treated you like shit"

"Yeah, you were a bit of an asshole" You tease with a chuckle.

He presses a soft kiss to your lips and you almost paw at his wrists when you feel like he's pulling away from you. "Will you forgive me?"

"Jay-" You murmur, seeing the tears forming in his eyes, it's the softest voice he's ever heard "I already have"

*.*

His mouth only meets yours again for a few seconds before he pushes everything off the desk, dusty papers falling everywhere and all over the floor. He's pressed up against your core when he lays you down on your back. This is were he belongs, your legs wrapped around him as he plasters kisses all over your jaw, your neck and collarbone, just anywhere he could reach. How soft lips welcome him again and again, it's like a dream come true, and your warm skin against him which he can't get enough of. His hands are steady at your waist, making sure to keep you in place, yours busy themselves tugging at the short hair on the back of his neck.

"Jay" you moan, closing your eyes. Fuck, if he wanted to have you like this he could.

"My-my ro-room's over the-" He stutters, you've barely even touched the guy and he already felt like he was melting at your touch-you were making him soft and hard all at the right places. "over there"

"You wanna take me there?" You flirt with a pout and he nods with a weak uh-huh.

Soon he's dragging you up to pick you up, a giggle escapes your lips feeling his hands on your ass. You push away the thought of how much it was turning you on to be manhandled like this.Your hands slide down to his shoulders to steady yourself as he takes you to the well hidden room connected to this office. You don't get much time to appreciate the room decor--there isn't any-- before you are laying flat on your back again, this time against a mattress. He unties your boots so you can kick them off, then your pants come off with only a bit of help from him with dropping them to the floor and he takes a step back, getting a good look at you.

"I don't have any..." he hesitates, " 'm not really sleeping around here"

"You're not?" You tease, a feet reaching for him playfully and he catches your ankle to stop you rolling his eyes in the process, his gorgeous blue eyes. "I won't catch anything from you?"

"Fuck, no" Jason scoffs, as if he didn't test himself for every disease know to man when he got out of Arkham. Besides, like he said he wasn't sleeping around, he wasn't sleeping at all--in every sense of the word.

"It's okay"

"I won't catch anything from you?" He repeats the question, and you shake your head no with a smirk "not even a kid?"

"Don't worry about that," you blush, looking away "it won't happen"

He hums in acknowledgment as his hand slides down from your ankle to your knee, parting your legs so he can settle between them again. Your heart was racing at the feeling of his hand trailing higher up your thigh, until he pushed your underwear to the side. His eyes were fixed on you, watching every reaction you had to know what you liked. What made you feel better.

"Jay-" you moaned.

"Hm?" It was almost mocking how he hid his face on your neck plating wet kisses on your skin.

"Want you"

"Want me what?" He teases, and you can't take it anymore. You grab his face with both your hands to make him look at you again before kissing him.

"Want you to fuck me" The determination in your voice had him nodding and sliding off your underwear and his own remaining clothes.

He bites back whatever sound wanted to leave his lips when he slides inside you, he's too busy watching your mouth part in a gasp and your eyes shut. He takes it slow, letting you adjust-- and getting used to the overwhelming feeling of being so close to you. He's over you, he's surrounding you like he's the only thing that exists in this world. His heartbeat slows down, looking down at the most beautiful sight he's ever seen. Jason thinks that just like this he may as well eat you alive, at least that way there will be no more lies . That if he somehow managed to swallow you whole then he could know everything about you, the way you do about him. He's only pulled back to reality when he feels your hands at his shoulders, moving faster than what he could think he grabs your wrists to pin your hands over your head. His breath hitches and his heart skips a beat when your eyes meet again, only then he starts to move.

"I love you" he lets out after a few moments, letting go of your hands, his voice is low too low.

"I love you too" You nod, noticing the tears rolling down his cheeks and softly wiping them away with your thumbs.

He brushes it off, he's not ready for this-all of this intimacy. He doesn't stop though, he just moves away to stand upright, throwing your legs over his shoulders. You moan when you feel how much deeper he could go like this. He can't help himself around you, every wall he put up to distance himself from others disappear whenever you were around. It wouldn't matter how much you lied to him, or how much you hurt him, you took his heart and it would stay with you no refunds. I'm yours, I'm yours, I'm all yours, he wants to say but wouldn't bear the thought of you not saying the same so he'd keep it to himself.  

"What-what's wrong?" You ask in a whisper when his movement falters, your cheeks flushed. You are so close.

"Nothing, just keep taking me like that pretty girl" The nickname makes you go crazy, now? He used to call you that only because he knew how much it embarrassed you. Unlucky for you, he liked seeing you flustered.

" 'M close, Jay" you whine, and he lowers a hand right where you needed it, the added pressure throwing you over the edge.

The way you feel around him is enough to push him over the edge mere seconds later, coming undone with a string of whispers of your name, again and again like a prayer. His head falls on your chest as you both try to catch your breath. Him wrapping his arms around your waist, holding himself closer to you if that was even possible as you pressed kisses to the top of his head.

*.*

"Hey, Jay" You call out to him in a hoarse whisper "are you awake?"

You get no answer from his sleeping form next to you, at some point you decide to trace his figure with your fingers, as if it'd help you remember him when you leave. You start with his jaw, then to his neck and his shoulders, feeling the rough skin under your fingertips. He really ought to buy some moisturizer, you scoff to yourself. You press a kiss between his shoulder blades before working your way down his arm. Your eyes got a bit teary looking at his scars, the carved out H+J in heart, the long slashes, the burn scar over his right shoulder. He had been through so much and he was still alive and kicking, sleeping next to you. You wish you could've come for him sooner, you didn't blame him for hating Batman. Hell you even had a few run-ins of your own with him because of it. Batman's own grief be damned he was supposed to be the world's greatest detective looking for his partner , the teenager he got to join him and the kid he was meant to take care of . He wasn't supposed to replace him that easily, it made you feel like you were the only one who cared about Jason. All this suffering he went through... it could've been helped, he didn't have to endure that. Your mind wanders to what that psycho did to him, if it was even worse than what you were put through, if he begged him to finish the job, the sight of him covered in blood- his own blood, beaten and branded, his empty eyes when you first saw him and then the flash of hope when he saw you which quickly washed away when he realized that you were there too.

You have to push back the images of what was done to you too, before you feel like you're outside of your body again or that you lose your grip on reality, again. You would never admit it to him but after he left the safe house you were brought back to the headquarters and couldn't get out of bed for almost six months, nothing felt real, your own thoughts felt too slow, your body too heavy too move. A major depressive episode, that's what your superiors classified it as. You knew it wasn't losing him that triggered it, it was the added of weight you'd been caring on your shoulders for too long and the fact that now you had nothing in your life that you even liked. Normaly they would've force-fed antidepressants to whatever agent that went through what you did but you wouldn't let anyone get closer than 2 meters, freezing more than one poor medic or nurse that was sent to see you. Or when they got to you and you reversed the effects of it, just out of spite. Eventually they gave up and waited as not even threats to your sister phased you. "Kill her and see how it goes for you," you said on a rare day where you found yourself able to speak "you'll have nothing to keep me here"

"What are you doing?" You don't even register him asking. He turns to face you and he notices you crying, only then do you realize he's awake so you wipe your tears as fast as you can. It is good for nothing, he already knows you're crying.

"I'm sorry, 's not the best thing to wake up to, huh?" You chuckle trying to pass off your own wave of sadness that just hit you.

"What's wrong?" He insists, was it him that made you so upset?

"Nothing's wrong, Jason" You lie, and he can see right through it.

"No, come on... keep going" He's using that tone again, the one that has you weakening every resolve and your knees giving out just to give him whatever he asked for, that whiny and needy voice that was reserved just for you. He also takes your hand and pushes it to his chest, wanting you to take off from where you left. Instead you move your hand underneath his to hold it, fingers interlocked as you leave a soft kiss to his knuckles. The feel of your lips on his skin, his harsh and calloused skin that has only known violence, has him blushing.

"I have to leave," you state, finally breaking the bubble you two were in since he took you to his office "I'd empty this place asap if I were you"

He steals a look at the watch behind him, the hours he spent with you are still on a single digit, that's all he gets with you. You get up, looking for your clothes that had been discarded all over the room mere hours ago.

"Fine" he scoffs, sitting on the bed and crossing his arms over his chest. Acting all tough and annoyed as the wound of you leaving reopens. He knows you'll never change your ways, he should've known you were heartache from the moment he met you. Jason knew nothing had changed, he doesn't know why he was even sad about you not choosing to stay with him. "Will I ever see you again?"

There's a beat of silence, you have your back turned to him so he can't see what kind of face you're making but he can see how you're pulling your pants up your ass. "I hope so, that was..." you puff and fan yourself with a hand.

He grabs your wrist when you get closer to the bed looking for your shoes, a sigh of your name has your gaze softening as you look back at him. Your lips pull up in a smile, caressing his face and sitting on his lap over the sheets."Bludhaven, find me there when you're done with whatever this is"

He nods, a hand of his going to your nape. He's trying to make you stay a little longer, even if it's just for a few moments and you know it so you give his scared cheek a sweet kiss. Find me when you're done with whatever this is, he can do that. He can wait a few more weeks for you.

"Where-" he starts, but you're no longer there. He felt your weight on him just a moment ago and now you were gone, he didn't even see your eyes light up before you made your way out of the place. You were probably on your way back, lying through your teeth about what you've been up to. And to that he sighs, getting up to get dressed and thinks "I've got to get my shit together, haven't worked this much for nothing"

A/N: not to copy paste all of my author's notes but I referenced like 3 songs so if you notice lmk :D

[yolowritter]

Hello there everyone, and welcome back to part 2 of this Au! So, I'll put forth a quick recap from last time and let everyone know what's happening in the rest of the story, yeah? Cool, now let's move right along!

Disclaimer: I’ve been gone from Tumblr for a while now, due to myriad of technical issues + prioritizing AO3 and IRL work. It’s a long story, but not to worry, I am now back and will actually remember to post frequently. Anyway, on with the AU!

As a reminder: The premise here is that Lila's grandmother (from the embassy mom's family, since until they explain this 27 mothers thing Lila has going on I am going to ignore it) once lived in Paris in the 1940s, and befriended Fu and Marianne as they were hiding the Miraculous away. Long story short, during that scene in S5 where they're escaping, Grandma Rossi gets the Fox Miraculous and helps them do so, eventually returning to Italy before Fu has deemed it safe enough to return for it. Many years later, she ends up revealing Trixx to Lila and passes the Fox onto her when her granddaughter says she's going to Paris, and tells her to be very, *very* careful with it. Lila immediately proceeds to nearly out herself with the Volpina incident. But don't worry, it's fine, she manages to get out of that situation without too much trouble. Now she's offered to be Adrien's friend, and so has Marinette. In the meantime, she's also waiting for a good oppurtunity to transform again, and try to convince Ladybug and Chat Noir that she is not a supervillain. For details, check the previous post.

Anyway, onto the rest of the show! Things stay the same for a few episodes, or...almost. Because Lila is friends with Adrien now, and by proxy Marinette who is putting her crush aside to make sure Lila isn't getting him in any trouble by also being Adrien's friend, our beloved...anti-heroine? Yeah, sure, why not? Our beloved anti-heroine happens to also get to know Alya and Nino failrly well, discreetly using Alya to get info on Ladybug and Chat Noir under the guise of helping with her blog, and Nino just for the playlists. Listen, Lila's taste in music ain't the most varied, so if there's good tunes in Nino's lists, she wants to have them too. Anyway, her friendship with the group develops more and more as she basically tries to be on her best behavior. Now...like I said last time, Lila isn't exactly the most moral person, or has any problems about absolutely (verbally) clobbering someone (meaning Chloe, most of the time) who is annoying her. And since Paris' Perfect Princess™ also happens to be a bully and screams at the same amount of decibels as a banshee before *anyone* has had their morning coffee, Lila joins up with Marinette and Alya to make sure nobody puts up with Chloe's BS.

As a consequence of this, she develops genuine friendships. I know, how horrible! But Lila isn't quite sure *how* friendship works, aside from her just holding back her snarky comments and being generally nice to the girls. So...as Marinette slowly begins to trust her more since Lila seems to just...not be going after her crush, our anti-heroine is left grappling with what exactly it means to even have friends in the first place, and if her bonds with the gang are even real considering she's mostly pretending when around them. This all comes to a head when Alya invites Marinette and Alya for a sleepover at her house...and cue the Sapotis episode to screw up everyone's night. Low and behold, there's no Rena Rouge to help LB and CN out, and since Alya ran off looking for her sisters, and Marinette is "missing" (AKA Ladybug atm), Lila finds herself alone at the house. Now, logically, she should wait this out until the heroes deal with the Akuma, since it's none of her business. Then again...there's *something* nagging her in the back of her head, a kind of itch that just makes her want to go out there do something instead of being stuck inside waiting. Could it possibly be that she's grown to care for Alya and doesn't want to see her upset? ...nah, probably the boredom! On she goes to transform and jump out the window!

Oddly enough, she notices her costume has changed a little bit since the last time. It's still very much Volpina, but this time she looks a bit more like a real fox. Slightly fluffy, swishing tail, tiny bits of fur on her ears and the ability to flick them at will (yes I will be using this to show her emotions, since I find it adorable when Chat does it), and her fangs are a bit more pronounced. Does this reflect Lila's feral nature as a total chaos gremlin? Absolutely it does! Trust me, she's a troll and it gets so much better! Anyway off she goes jumping around rooftops trying to find Alya, until eventually she comes across Ladybug, who is just kinda jumping around seemingly for no reason (She's trying to get to Fu's place without being seen by the Sapotis). Naturally, Lila jumps ahead of her and peeks her head out from behind a chimney. Ladybug yelps so hard that she physically staggers back, and Volpina finds this incredibly funny. So do I Lila, so do I... After a short moment of Marinette doing a double take, she kinda looks at Volpina with confusion. It goes something like this:

Ladybug: "Wait...Lila?" she asks, confusion evident on her face.

Volpina: "Nope, name's Cerise!" she quickly corrects her, a wide grin on her face. "I- wait, I wasn't supposed to say that! Uh...sorry!" the fox heroine yelps back, pinching the bridge of her nose. "The name's Volpina! The real one this time, promise!" she sing-songs with a tiny bow.

Ladybug: "You're the real Fox Holder?" Ladybug raises an eyebrow, clearly skeptical.

Volpina: "Yeah, Trixx absolutely adores me! So, how can I help ya miss Bug?" she asks, a chaste grin etching itself on her face. She seems almost feral, and Marinette decides to look her over.

Ladybug: Her lucky charm flashes over Volpina's form, and Ladybug examines her. It...looks like Lila's Akumatization, but also not? Her hair is a tad more orange, almost like there's faded highlights at the end of her bangs, and Volpina looks more *real*, like an actual fox rather than just a girl in a costume. "Uh...any chance you'll help us with the Akuma?" she asks again as the girl keeps flashing red in her vision, indicating she's the solution to her lucky charm.

Volpina: Volpina *grins*, flicking her tail at Ladybug. "Oh, I'll be happy to! Lead the way!" she chuckles playfully, almost like she's having fun with all this. Still Marinette jumps ahead of her, leading Lila back into the fray.

Cue the Sapotis-Land illusion and the Akuma's defeat, and Volpina hiding away the moment the fight is done so Ladybug and Chat Noir can't ask her any questions. Lila makes it back to Alya's place just in time, and jumps through the window, flopping on the couch just as the other girls also come back. She naturally makes herself look like she's been lounging around, and Marinette doesn't suspect her.

Worth mentioning that Lila was just pretending beforehand, and that Cerise is gonna be her supposed "real name" as Volpina, to throw off suspicion from her being Lila. Since Cerise doesn't actually exist in this AU (just like Lila's other 200.000 identities), it'll just be a cameo. From that day on, Lila joins Akuma fights every now and again, slowly growing into the Ladynoir banter and proving herself as an ally of sorts, while still blue skidoo-ing away before they can ask her questions. Look, she's in the *process* of crafting a new identity, this stuff ain't easy! After a couple weeks, she ends up eavesdropping on LB and CN while they're having that convo in Glaciator, where she tells him that she's got plans and whatnot. Ladybug leaves like normal, but Lila smells a wee bit off stupidity in the air, and decides to teach our dear furry a few things about how scheduling works. Low and behold, Lila actually ends up giving really good advice to Chat Noir even while actively trolling! Isn’t she miraculous? Anyway, I’ll need to go into waaaaaaay more detail about this in the next part of this AU, but I will save the specifics for part 3!

I’ll see you all soon, but until then, Stay Miraculous!

[aesopsharpmybeloved]

Tess' Sharpuary - 25. Youth

Teenage Aesop learns something new about his closest friend.

chapter specific tags: friendship, attempts at humour, coming of age

relationships: aesop sharp & aesop's auror partner

a/n: I'll be honest, this is not my favourite drawing I did for Sharpuary, I'm not really happy with it. However, I've got a very different one made for after Sharpuary, whih I hope will make up for this one 👀😁

25. Youth (1.4k)

tw: none

“Forget it, Bramblethorn!” said the Fifht-year Slytherin impatiently, rounding a corner and continuing on his way towards the Library. “Oh, come on, Sharp!” whined the Gryffindor trailing behind him, struggling to keep pace because of Aesop’s considerably longer legs. Aesop’s latest growth spurt left him having to deal with a tall lanky body, but he got used to it fairly quickly. It was quite funny, really - last Christmas he was a few inches shorter than his own mother, now he towered over her. Nevertheless, he also learned he needed to slow his pace when walking next to his peers, as one of his steps were at least two of their own. Well, he wasn’t slowing down now.

“I told you, I’m not going to play a matchmaker for you and Ashley,” his voice was annoyed, and he cringed internally when it cracked upon saying his best friend’s name. Bloody puberty, he couldn’t wait for it to be over. Well, it could be worse, he supposed - unlike many of his classmates, he did not suffer from nasty acne breakouts; there was a pimple or two every now and then, but that was as bad as it got. “Why are you even asking this of me?” he questioned, suddenly stopping and making the shorter boy nearly collide with his back.

Once Bramblethorn caught his breath, he craned his head to look at the Slytherin: “Well, because you’re her best friend, aren’t you? Who better to ask her than you? Mind, she is kind of friendly with my sister, but once I asked Marianne to introduce me, or at least tell me some things Ash likes, she told me to mind my own business and quit pestering her.” Aesop huffed: “And so will I; Bramblethorn, mind your business and quit pestering me.” The tall boy turned to leave, but a hand on his arm stopped him. He shook it off, but turned back towards his classmate nevertheless.

“Please! If you do this for me, I’ll make sure you don’t regret it! You know Miss Scribner, right?” The black haired lad inquired, prompting Aesop to huff again: “How in Merlin’s name would I not know the junior librarian at Hogwarts? Bloody everyone goes to the Library! Well, perhaps save a few Gryffindors…”

“She’s my aunt!” replied Bramblethorn, not taking the Slytherin’s snarky bait. Aesop made a move with his hand that clearly said ‘So?’. “And you want to become an Auror, right? If you help me, I might be able to get Aunt Agnes to let you into the Restricted section, where you can learn about and study potions and spells that they don’t teach until later or even not at all. You’d have an advantage over everyone else!” 

Sharp actually considered the offer. Of course, it would not be his first time going to the Restricted section. He and Ashley managed to access the alluringly forbidden part of the Library on several occasions with the use of the Disillusionment charm, but having to evade the librarian and his apprentice, as well as the various ghost and the menace that was Peeves the poltergeist, there was never quite enough time to properly peruse the collection of various tomes deemed too dangerous in inexperienced wizard’s or witch's hands.

Having an actual permission to access this knowledge at his own leisure sounded like a very appealing idea. He sighed: “Look. I can’t promise you anything. I can tell her that you’d like to get to know her better, maybe invite her out on a Hogsmeade weekend, but that’s about as much as I can do. Can’t exactly force her to actually go out with you.” Bramblethorn gave him a wide grin: That is all that I ask for, really! Just please talk to her, and I promise I’ll get my aunt to see that you’re truly a future Auror wanting to study in advance, and that you won't use any of the books to become a dark wizard, or something. So - deal?”

They shook hands, and then Aesop was on his way to the Library again, the Gryffindor having left him alone finally. While at the library, the Fifth-year picked up one of the Potion books, casting a curious eye at the junior librarian. Now that he thought about it, there perhaps was a little bit of familial resemblance, but he had to squint his eyes quite a bit. Finally, he just shrugged his shoulders and headed up the spiral staircase to go to his favourite spot to study. It was at the far front, nicely hidden away and private, so he could calmly delve into his books in peace.

However, as he rounded the tall bookcase sheltering his little place from view, he suddenly froze on the spot. Not only was his spot already occupied, but he knew both people occupying it, one more than the other. Well, said persons were currently engaged in a very passionate snogging session, and the lad felt himself go red. “W-what the hell?!” he finally said, his voice once more cracking. He did not care that it did right now, definitely not when, with two loud squeaks, he was suddenly looking at the faces of no other than Ashley Montgomery and Marianne Bramblethorn. 

The girls soon turned as red as he was, and scrambled to get away from each other. All parties were quiet for several seconds, but then Marianne began quickly gathering her things. “A-alright, thank you for the-… the tutoring, Ash, I really feel like I’m beginning to get a grasp on the vanishing spell,” Bramblethorn stuttered, “I, um, I’ll see you around!” And with that, she was gone, running away from the two friends as fast as her feet could take her.

“Uh… so um…” Ashley said eloquently. “What the bloody hell was that about?” Aesop questioned, still looking after the black-haired girl. “Uh, well, you know…” the Hufflepuff started explaining, “she’s… nice. And pretty. And she smells good. And she’s a good kisser… Why, do you have a problem with it?” she sounded defensive all of a sudden. “Of course I bloody don’t,” Aesop replied immediately, finally looking at his oldest friend, “I just… I didn’t know, alright? It’s a bit of a shock to me, that’s all… Although, it does explain a few things.”

Ashley lifted her eyebrows at him curiously, and motioned for him to go on. “Well, firstly why your dad doesn’t have a problem with me staying over at yours during the summer. He knows it, I take it?” Aesop sat down into a chair opposite of the blonde girl. “Yeah,” she confirmed, “we talked about it when he explained, you know, sex and stuff to me. It was very awkward. I told him I thought I actually liked girls, and he said that he kind of knew I would. Dunno how, but I trust him.”

The two friends sat in silence for several minutes, Aesop toying with the book in his hands. Finally, he started chuckling quietly. “Shall you share with the class what’s so funny, Mr Sharp?” Ashley teased in an overly posh voice, imitating their DADA teacher. “Oh, nothing just… Matthew Bramblethorn is going to be completely gobsmacked. You see, he asked me to introduce him to you. And here you are, snogging his sister senseless in the Library. I don’t think he’ll get me the Restricted section pass now…”

Ashley made a mock-offended face: “Aesop Theodore Sharp, how could you! You would sell me for a Restricted section pass?!” Aesop rolled his eyes: “Of course I bloody wouldn’t. I just promised him to talk to you about him, nothing more, nothing less.” “To be honest, I would’ve agreed to that deal too, if it was me,” Ash shrugged her shoulders with a mischievous grin, “but for what it’s worth, you can tell him you did talk to me about it, and I, most gracefully and kindly, declined, as I wish to focus mainly on my studies while I’m staying within these ancient walls.”

“With your tongue down his sister’s throat,” Aesop finished flatly. Ashley closed her eyes and nodded: “With my tongue down his sister's throat.”

They laughed together shortly. “Still, maybe he’ll be grateful enough to get you that pass.. Or we could just sneak in on our own again. We’ll make a plan, ensure Peeves is off terrorising someone else, then maybe pinch a few books to be able to study them in our free time, and then return them back,” Ashley offered then, her eyes mischievous and filled with challenge. Aesop couldn’t help but reply in kind: “That sounds way more fun, to be honest.”

Thank you for reading! ❤ Smutty one tomorrow 😈

[AO3] - [Sharpuary 2024] - [Masterlist]

[fiction-box]

Hello! Here is an idea if you are up for it. Separate fics for Felix & Reader and Marianne & Reader, please.

Near the end of an arduous battle, one goes missing. The other one defies a direct order to stay with the group - instead returns to the battlefield alone under certain danger, to find and retrieve their missing comrade. I will leave it up to you what the results and circumstances are.

Thank you in advance!

Hello there, my lovely! Because you specifically stated the results/circumstances were at my discretion, I did have a bit of fun and make things difficult for the characters. These types of scenarios are not typical ones that I write often, so completing them also helps to complete my understanding of a character. The more I learn about how they would react, the more I grow.

I enjoy all types of writing and scenarios though, so please don't hesitate to ask for something else if inspiration strikes. Thank you for sharing with me!

These are Gender Neutral as you later specified.

The story will be continued under the cut. Requests are open!

“Are you crazy? There are mages back there!”

Those were the last words you uttered to your friends before rushing back onto the underground battlefield. The Blue Lions were being overwhelmed by TWSITD, pushed back far enough until Professor Byleth had deemed it optimal to retreat.

But upon your headcount just outside the facility, Felix was not among the ranks of your army.

So off you went, despite Dimitri’s direct orders for you to hang back. It felt as though you were the only one that actually cared - the only one to come to your friend’s rescue after all he had done for the Kingdom’s cause.

Off you went, running down the winding corridors, past corpses both friend and foe, all the way into the furthest room the Blue Lions had reached before being pushed back.

…yet there were no enemies standing in your way.

It was as though the seemingly limitless forces you found yourself struggling to defeat earlier had vanished into thin air. No, you knew damn well this organization was not one to be analyzed under normal circumstances. Where they met a dead end, they would blow a hole into the mountain blocking their path.

They could be admired for that; their cunning and their determination.

Unlike your friends, who seemed determined to choose inaction when a vital member of their team went awol.

Passing through a steel gate, you entered the memtallic room in the back to find a bubble of dark energy floating at its center. The structure teemed with life despite its unnatural appearance.

You approached, only to realize Felix had been trapped inside. He was floating too, but he was also…unconscious?

‘“Felix?” you called quietly, “Felix, please - can you hear me? You need to break out of there!”

What were you meant to do? To mess with a power you didn’t understand sounded like a bad idea on its own.

Not as though I have avoided such a trial by coming here to fight in the first place. Besides, I came back for Felix. I can’t return without him.

An idea sprung to mind. This bubble was made of dark magic, so you would attempt to combat it with light.

The faint glow of Nosferatu shone upon your hands as you approached the orb, “Felix, I’m going to try to get you out of there. I don’t know why they left you here all alone,” you allowed your hands to touch it, “but -”

Instantly, the bubble dissipated, the energy flowing down and underneath the Mortal Savant to set him upon the ground safely.

There was no time to celebrate or pull him toward the door. Instead, the tendril of energy swirled from beneath him into the area surrounding you. Covered before you could blink, you found yourself in a personal ecosystem with zero gravity and air taking the form of black smoke.

“Help!” you cried uselessly, a response of confusion more than a call to action.

You should have known an army unseen was at its most deadly.

The smoke suffocated you, taking away your strength though your mind felt unaffected. Thanks to the weightlessness, you were unable to even touch the energy trapping you, let alone free yourself despite your best attempt.

Your eyelids lowered, your body weakened, and your outstretched arm returned to your side before you lost all feeling to your body.

How strange it was; you could think and hear, take in the temperature surrounding you and the smoke flowing over you, but other than that, there was only emptiness.

~~~

First, he felt a tingling sensation on his whole body; the same kind he would feel when he gripped his sword too tight as a child, only all-encompassing rather than just within his hand.

Since he couldn’t reliably move his body, the only action Felix trusted himself with was opening his eyes.

He was lying on the floor. You, true to what his ears told him, had taken his place in the enchanted prison.

The numbness would fade from his body soon enough. No one else was here, from what he could hear and see anyway. The swordsman would be on his feet in a moment, so why were no mages interfering?

He could escape as soon as -

Shit.

Felix wouldn’t be escaping; he’d be abandoning the only person that came for him.

What was he meant to do? The man possessed no power to help you, no magic to set you free. If he left to go find help, there was no guarantee you’d be here upon his return.

And as though on cue, the Blue Lions rushed in through the gate moments later.

The timing felt too perfect, but he would hold off on foreshadowing curses until they revealed their true form.

“Felix, what - “ Ashe choked on his words, “...um…why are you lying on the floor.”

…can’t speak yet without the risk of biting my tongue off…

“Is he dead?” Annette worried.

“No. He breathes.”

Dedue and Mercedes filed into the room last, the healer rushing to her fallen comrade’s side.

“Oh dear, his whole body is undergoing a severe case of parasthesia.”

Just shut up and fix me before someone else injures themself.

“This won’t hurt a bit, I’ll just be a moment,” the blonde promised before setting herself to work. Graciously, she began with his head, so he could speak while she did her job.

“Thank you,” he began before emboldening his voice, “If anyone touches that thing, they’ll be encapsulated by it too. White magic seems to have some effect on it, but I haven’t gotten to learn much from inside before I befell this state.”

Annette nodded, turning toward the bubble, “Are they okay?”

“Yes. They can’t move, speak, or feel much of anything, but I promise they can hear you.”

“Got it! Hey, I’m going to try casting a spell to counteract the magic, okay?” he watched Annette call out to you before she took a few steps back. “Don’t be startled when it hits!”

Sure enough, ranged faith magic was enough to do the job. Mercedes had Felix back on his feet, and you were lying on the floor in the same position he “awakened” in.

“Good, now let’s get out of here,” Felix nodded.

Sylvain came in from outside the gate, hurriedly scanning the room, “Hey, has anyone seen the professor?”

“What do you mean has anyone seen the professor?” he snapped, “Don’t you all keep track of each other? No, actually, you don’t - a lesson I know all about after being left behind in a sphere of dark matter for ages!”

“Felix, I’m sorry,” Ingrid frowned, “we were overwhelmed, and we couldn’t see where anyone had gone. Now, we can see, and everyone is here except Professor Byleth.”

“She was right next to me when we came in…” Dimitri pondered.

But there was no more time to dwell on the matter. Some of the smoke that resembled what had been present in his bubble began to spread itself along the ground of the room.

“Get them off the floor,” the king gestured to Dedue. “Everyone, we need to evacuate, lest these villains incapacitate us all.”

“But what about Professor Byleth?” Ashe fretted.

Felix grabbed his arm before swinging him toward the door, “No time! We need to get out of here or else we’ll all meet the same fate. Nobody can help her if we die here.”

So it was that the Blue Lions retreated to Fhirdiad without their beloved mentor. You were brought back to good health, and life went on. It had to.

Though you never found the professor nor the underground hideout again, there were seldom any more troubles with TWSITD in both your and Felix’s lifetimes.

No, rather, you had doomed your bloodlines. It was not your children, but your grandchildren who would pay, fighting legions of warriors with crests that seemed to keep them from death.

But really, how could any of you have known?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marianne had a very important job.

She established herself quickly as the best healer of the Golden Deer. In any case, she was certainly the most devoted cleric.

Once someone had been brought in to see her, they would be back on the front lines in moments. It could all be attributed to her years of experience, and her extreme focus.

Focus that broke at the frantic cries coming from outside.

Concerned, Marianne rushed out of the tent only to see Alliance troops retreating from the Great Bridge of Myrrdin.

Lorenz and Leonie breezed past before Ignatz caught sight of her.

“Marianne!” he grabbed her wrist to lead her, “We need to go - we aren’t strong enough to hold the bridge!”

“Wait, but, I haven’t seen -”

“There’s no time! Come on!”

But she couldn’t leave. Not yet. Not until she knew you would be joining everyone else.

“I’m sorry, Ignatz!”

Without giving him any time to process what she had just said, Marianne ripped her arm away and tore down the hill toward the bridge. It was as difficult as swimming against the current; soldiers fleeing in the direction she was headed barely dodged her as she forced her way through.

Holding up her skirt, she was out of breath by the time she actually made it onto the bridge. A group of enemy swordsmen had seen her coming though, and thus a small force prepared to take her down upon her arrival.

A small force would not be enough to hold her back.

 Magic was a ranged weapon, and something these men could not hope to compete with as she threw blasts of light into the path she intended to take.

There you were, gravely wounded on the ground with an enemy general looming above you.

Did she want to kill you? You were bleeding out, but she never moved to finish the job. Were you to be taken prisoner then?

No, the blue-haired healer could not allow that to happen.

In her breathless state, she had attracted the attention of this enemy general. Perhaps it was for the best.

“Who the hell are you? Shouldn’t you be helping the others?”

Only after she gave Marianne a once over did the General finally seem to understand.

“Oh, I see. Your colors…you don’t belong here, do you?” the intimidating warrior approached, “So what, you’re another prisoner coming to plead for your life?”

The Golden Deer’s medic swallowed, unsure of what exactly to say.

She loosely gestured her axe back at you, “Not a bad idea. This one refused, and we’re pretty sure they know something we would really like them to share with us,” she chuckled. “Here’s an idea, maybe you could -”

“I won’t. I’m not going to do anything you say. Now get away from them.”

“In case you haven’t noticed,” her axe straightened, pointing directly at Marianne’s throat, “you don’t have any power here. I am in control, and what I say goes.”

As if on cue, the groups of soldiers, knights, and other assorted warriors began to press forward on you, the general, and Marianne.

No! I didn’t come this far just to be captured!

In one last, desperate attempt to save you, Marianne allowed her magic to run through her veins once again. Only this time, she would need to take everyone down.

And with a loud cry, she did the best she could.

Casting Fimbulvetr, a wall of ice arose in front of the enemy fighters. The frozen sculpture twisted and turned about the bridge, piercing the necks or eyes of all it came across and causing more death than the woman ever would have dreamed of. Trapped motionless within the ice was none other than the general herself.

Whomever Marianne failed to reach had either frozen in shock or taken to attending to their comrades; the two of you had been blocked off by the ice barrier.

At your weak groans, she brought herself to her knees at your side.

“Please,” she worried, “promise me you’ll be alright.”

The beginnings of healing magic stretched through her wrists and into your body. She needed to move fast; who knew how much blood you had already lost.

“Marianne…you’re weak…” you coughed.

“No, no! Not as much as you’ve grown to be…”

She trailed off once you began shaking your head, “...this was reckless…you should have left me…now you’re tired and…and we’re both at risk…”

“Enough,” she breathed, stubbornly pouring more of her energy into you. Already, your color had returned, but out of her desperation, she was beginning to lose the color in her own face, “I’m done with people telling me what to do. I could never run while you were trapped here. The fact that no one was doing anything, I -”

“Marianne!”

How poetic. To die of an arrow through the heart. Had she not cared so much for you, she would never have met this fate.

~~~

You launched up, looking to the walls along the bridge for a hidden sniper.

Nothing.

At least her death was quick.

Gathering Marianne in your arms one last time, you softly pressed your lips against her forehead before reluctantly leaving her body behind.

You were so, so tired. She had healed you and restored some of your strength, but it wouldn’t be enough to set you right forever. You needed to find Lysithea.

“I’m sorry, Marianne,” you whispered.

Finally, you returned the way you saw Marianne come, walking to safety upon the path she cleared for you.

[unsociableandtaciturnbarbie]

As I believe I’ve mentioned previously, I have read Sense and Sensibility before. What I have not mentioned previously, out of respect for spoilers, is that when I finished Sense and Sensibility, on a January evening in 2021, I promptly slammed the book shut and stormed into my mother’s room to rant. What could have earned this book a 3.5/5 rating (note: my rating scale sometimes extends to ∞/5 so this is a very low score) and the comment, “Excuse me? What was that ending???” in my Google Sheets reading log? Simply put: it was Elinor and Colonel Brandon not ending up together.

I will readily admit that I got into Austen for the romance; it’s hard not to when your first exposure to her works is Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and you’re a romance-obsessed 16 year old. Thus, a pairing of characters which I deemed unsuitable entirely ruined most of my enjoyment of the book at the time. This year, I decided to read Sense and Sensibility with a more open mind and a determination to like Edward as a love interest. Unfortunately, Edward still fell (quite) short for me. As someone who sees a lot of myself in Elinor with a brother who has Marianne tendencies, I can’t help but wish Elinor the absolute best. I just wanted to see her hard work constantly caring for her sister (who gets herself into such avoidable trouble) pay off. Yet, Marianne somehow ends up with the best option, and reluctantly at that! At this point, I should state that I cannot possibly do justice to the level of research (read: obsession) I have done into this in one Tumblr post. Here’s a meme I threw together that I think encapsulates it (picture me as the guy in the tie, my annotated book as the board behind him, and my roommate as the woman just barely in frame) (I’m serious, my roommates did not know the plot of Sense and Sensibility before this week):

Despite my best intentions, by the middle of Volume 2 I was highlighting every phrase that I thought could possibly mean that Elinor and Brandon were meant to be together- some may call it willful misunderstanding, I call it careful analysis. Example 1: Of Mrs. Dashwood saying that Marianne would be happier to marry Colonel Branon than Elinor, “Elinor was half inclined to ask her reason for thinking so, because satisfied that none founded on an impartial consideration of their age, characters, or feelings, could be given (254) .” Was this likely meant to serve as a way to show Mrs. Dashwood’s over-sensibility and lack of sense for basic facts like age? Yes. Does the word “feelings” at the end of this quote send me into a tailspin of possibilities of what that could mean? Also yes. In the interest of your time, I will not put them all here, but I have a collection of quotes which I am willing to share. Additionally, as proof that there are other believers out there, here is a reddit thread about them for your perusal, and my favorite comment!

I could say much more on the subject of Elinor and Colonel Brandon themselves, but I’m going to restrain myself here and focus more on the fanfiction which I provided as the center for my post today. This fic is titled Added Sensibility and is a 19 chapter WIP (work-in-progress). For those unaware, fanfiction is a wonderful online world of writing where anything can happen to any character that has ever existed. Do you think Harry Potter’s  Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger should have ended up together? There’s fanfiction about that! Do you wish Rey and Kylo Ren of the Star Wars Sequels got to live happily ever after together? There’s fanfiction about that too! This last example would be what is termed a “Fix-it” fic in the fanfiction world. These are based on the idea that if you think something went wrong somewhere in a piece of fiction, you can go back and “fix it” for yourself… and the entire internet. Elinor and Colonel Brandon ending up together is something I would deem to be a “fix-it”. Thus, I went straight to AO3 (Archive Of Our Own- a popular fanfiction publishing website) and searched for Colonel Brandon/Elinor Dashwood. Side note: This was actually the second fic I tried for this week’s post. The first was only 6 chapters but wrapped up quickly with Marianne running away to join the feminist movement along with Colonel Brandon’s ward. It was not what I wanted, so I gave Added Sensibility a try even though I would normally not touch a WIP.

I can attest 10 chapters (the equivalent of 134 ebook pages on my phone) in that this is a great read. It’s not Jane Austen, no one will ever be able to replicate her masterful use of language to create layer after layer of sharp wit, but it’s pretty good in my opinion. There’s enough plot and character development present so that it’s not a totally 2d story, but the main focus is on their developing love story, starting from when Elinor and Marianne go to stay with Mrs. Jennings in town. What really caught my attention (besides my glee at someone having written Elinor and Colonel Brandon together pretty much exactly the way I wanted it) was the characterization of Mrs. Jennings. The author once writes of Mrs. Jennings, “The woman was the complete opposite of an enigma, and yet, Elinor struggled to comprehend her thoughts.” In class we talked about how Mrs. Jennings seems to be so close to “getting it” sometimes, but then she just turns back into this very flat and gossipy character. In this fanfic, the author seems to go through with it and gives her more dimension and credit for intelligence than I think Jane Austen ever meant to, but it brings me back to when we talked about the idea that you can pull any character out of an Austen novel and write a novel on them. This fanfic really supports that for me. While Elinor and Colonel Brandon were characters who have had their characters decently sketched out in Sense and Sensibility, this fanfic gives dimension to other characters, like Mrs. Jennings, who previously were more of the backdrop for where the Dashwoods existed. I do think Jane Austen is rolling in her grave over the amount of ungloved hand contact and improperly private conversations that occur in this fanfic, but I will 100% own to being the target audience for the American ending of Pride and Prejudice (2005), so all the mushy gushy affection in this fanfic is right up my alley. Overall, I would recommend this fanfic and I will be finishing it in my free time!

[hresvelged]

where wolf

Among the new students are massive wolves unlike any that Fodlan has seen before: not monsters cursed by crest stones, but mounts that are frequently used by Elyos’ elite cavalry units. The Officers Academy has gone out of its way to import a small pack of these creatures, hoping to one day offer certification for aspiring Wolf Knights. However, these seasoned veterans prefer sunny afternoon naps and would rather ignore whatever nonsense that’s coming out of your mouth. You’ll have to earn their respect first. [Grants Riding +1]

@cursedbluebird

With new faces arises fresh opportunities, one of which being unseen mounts. She has never witnessed any quite like these before— Their large stature is certainly ideal for combat and general travel. It is only beneficial if she were to check on them for herself. Big as they might be, she finds her stance relaxed. They bask within the sun’s rays, light reflecting off their fur. Her intent is not with the goal of interruption, but her curiosity has become piqued enough to pursue it.

Edelgard shows no hesitation as she approaches one of the wolves. The animal, lying on its back, shoots her a glare at the sound of her declarative footsteps. She isn’t quite sure how to handle the situation, but she acts how she deems best. The position she takes is one above the animal, standing tall as the wolf lays near her feet. Their eyes lock, her own an indicator of her desires. “Sit upwards,” she says. Silence, the only sound coming from her own breath as she sighs. “This isn’t enough.”

She takes a step away to better assess the situation. It seems her blunt approach is not the correct method. As she spots Marianne, she lets a hand rest on her hips as she gestures towards the wolf. “Marianne,” she speaks eloquently and pointedly. “I’ve no doubt you’re just as unfamiliar with these wolves as myself. However.. Perhaps you can offer a different approach? They seem reluctant to ally themselves with me.”

[onewingedsparrow]

Thanks @zeldaelmo for the tag! ✨ Rules: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it! And then tag as many people as you have wips. I have deemed that this isn’t just for writing either. Sketch titles? Comics? Dnd campaigns? If you have an unfinished project, it counts!   Okay so...disclaimer, there’s NO way I’m going to tag as many people as there are files because...I have so many...also, there is no way I’m going to post all my WIP’s because this post would be way too long.😅 I feel like there’s enough to warrant a Read More as is. I have so many projects that I bounce between. Just trust me when I say there are countless others ;) Also, some of them are secret projects not yet unveiled. (I didn’t share those.) Tagging @kat-of-the-night @novafire-is-thinking @louwhose @skyward-floored and anyone else who might be interested!

Under My Wings, Thirty-Seventh Draft (+sketch)

’Bee’s Favorite Things

To Bee a Leader Chapter 4 maybe. Sidelined

Sin Respuesta, Third Draft

Overboard one

Team Friendship stuff

More Team Friendship Fluff

Sandwiched

The Sound of My Spark

Charleah’s Angel, Alpha Draft

It’s Official

Where Sorrow Rings, First Draft

[UnAugJust] megafic (this one is multiple docs but I am not going to list them all)

Purgatory...By and Lith Stuck in the Void

Write You Off

デクの木リンク　[Deku Tree Link]

Pep and Rae Original Draft

Trapped in Her Ivory Tower, Second Draft

Ashen Ruins

Transcendence, Next Draft

Marianne and the Bird Man

Gatekeeper’s Storybook

Skyward Sword fic

Shadowzoned

My Brother’s Big Yellow Kitten

Dealer’s Grip

Terrorcon Tuesday

Rainy Daze Zone, Alpha Draft

Setting it Right, First Draft

Tandem, Fourth Draft

Cortado

Unfounded, Second Draft

Operation Bumblebee sketch

HyLink sketch

Sundered Shadows (+sketch)

LadyNoirJuly2022

Musings of Time

OoT Alternate Cutscene Alpha Draft

Long Haul, 5th Draft

Sick Mind fic

...okay yeah I think I’m gonna stop here😅 Ask away! You have so many to choose from!

[randomnameless]

What do you think of my headcanon:

Aymr is Marianne's father

Aymr is made of Agarthium-

Now, I'm thinking about an AU where Marianne's dad was a cyborg, half human and half machine, Agarthans tried to give a crested humans prosthetic limbs (what do you mean he has all his members ? Just sever them !) made of Agarthium to see if the Agarthium'd human has a better magical output than a regular crested human or if it makes the human stronger...

It failed, and Solon deemed this project useless, so he focused on the dual crests experiments instead.

[untowonder-gone]

Kings in Looking Glass are all subject to a public execution roughly two** years after marriage,  with no exceptions.  however,  it is not unheard of for a Queen to take on a multitude of lovers.  and Marianne is not one to stray from such a rule.

** with time being absolutely meaningless in Looking Glass,  two years can be the equivalent of two minutes,  hours,  days,  years,  or even eons.  it’s whatever the wedded Queen or Red Queen deem as an acceptable moment.

[fortressofserenity]

Relatable

What makes a character relatable is tricky, since people can have very different experiences and interests. Batman’s one that’s considered relatable because he’s an ordinary human, but then again I know two people who can’t relate to him. The first person couldn’t relate to him because he still has his own family and comes from a farming background, the second related more to his villains (Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy and Mr Freeze).

If Batman may not be relatable to other people, then other characters deemed relatable like Felicity Smoak might not be relatable to others by this logic. To be honest, Felicity Smoak seemed like a really contrived character in that she makes those supposedly funny quips, was a Goth and a hacker but one whose hacking is unlike the hackers I know of. I know two Laurel Lances (Marianne Faithfull and the late Gia Carangi), but the Felicity Smoaks I know were more likely to be men.

Pardon if it sounds sexist, but I’m not the most tech-savvy and Felicity Smoak is a character I don’t think ever seemed like a real person to me. If she’s relatable to you, then power to you but she’s not a character I could ever be, relate to and empathise with. If Batman’s not relatable to other people, so is Felicity Smoak pardon if it sounds kind of harsh. But that’s proof what makes a character relatable is hard, since many people can have very different experiences and interests.

[riotrecordz]

are you still looking for modding help with main or gossip?

as of right now, i think we're okay between marianne and i! we may explore the option of gossip in the future, but we'll keep y'all updated on that if we deem it necessary. the two of us were just a little busy yesterday, but we're here!

[booksngoodstuff]

Book Review: Something Happened in Our Town

The activity I chose to undertake was a book review, specifically of a banned book, as my chosen topic of focus was censorship. Censorship, specifically in media is something I’ve done personal research into before, so I chose a book I was already familiar with to write a review on – a children’s picture book titled ‘Something Happened in Our Town: A Child’s Story About Racial Injustice’ by Marianne Celano, Marietta Collins & Ann Hazzard; illustrated by Jennifer Zivoin (2018). I chose this novel out of the American Library Association’s (ALA) lists of most banned and challenged books. This was the sixth-most banned book in the year 2020, despite its publication and various awards in 2018, in the wake of George Floyd’s death. It was cited to be challenged for “divisive language and because it was thought to promote anti-police views.” (ALA, 2020) I reviewed the book based on its narrative and its learning integrity as an educational tool.

The book goes into adequate depth about racial injustice and prejudice black people and other people of colour face in their daily lives, in this case displayed by a black man who was shot by a white cop, and a Middle Eastern refugee student who was facing social exclusion by his classmates. Due to this book being banned in the United States specifically, I had higher hopes finding a copy of it more easily here in Australia. I learnt that wasn’t the case, however, since I combed through three different library chains in New South Wales and couldn’t source a single one short of buying it online – as there also seemed to be none in store either. Censorship is a large issue everywhere, Australia not excluded, though I didn’t expect that finding the book in question would be so difficult. I cannot properly ascertain why there’s a significant lack of accessibility, though my assumption would be that there was a lack of distribution from the US due to its status as a banned and challenged book.

Book reviews are common practice across all reading material, children and young adult books notwithstanding. It is an especially prevalent tool for educating, whether you are a parent or a teacher of any form, and when catering to children specifically, can be a great form of researching into researching if the material is age appropriate, educational and/or entertaining. The book I chose also came with additional resources for parents to do their own research – attached to the book and also displayed on the American Psychology Association (APA) website – though one might not find those before picking up the book itself, and thus, resorting to reviews as a first impression. The gaps in my knowledge appeared while I was thinking about how applicable this book would be to a teaching environment; there are many stories of educators and other authors landing in controversy over their promotion of banned books, despite those books largely being challenged due to content that isn’t deemed ‘age-appropriate’ – due to topics such as racism, sexuality and topics alike. In my opinion, these are things that children start discovering at a young age, especially due to easier accessibility around them, and there should be more resources fostering discussions around them instead of suppressing them.

References:

American Library Association. (2020). Top 10 most challenged books lists. Advocacy, Legislation & Issues. https://www.ala.org/advocacy/bbooks/frequentlychallengedbooks/top10/archive#2020

American Psychology Association. (2022). Something happened in our town. Apa.org. https://www.apa.org/pubs/magination/441B228?tab=5

Linder, S., & Majerus, E. (2016). Can I teach that?: Negotiating taboo language and controversial topics in the language arts classroom. Rowman & Littlefield. https://books.google.com.au/books?hl=en&lr=&id=ZzWNDAAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PA3&dq=banned+books&ots=_vepT79N3d&sig=Zw3hxqiwzXscW18Jgb9EiEwRr8M#v=onepage&q=banned%20books&f=false

Scales, P. (2018). Celebrating banned books week with something happened in our town [Review of Banned Books: Something Happened in Our Town: A Child’s Story about Racial Injustice , by M. Celano, M. Collins, & A. Hazzard]. https://www.proquest.com/docview/2568752643?accountid=10344&parentSessionId=X58X%2BdTGz1zy%2FuWMHp7KnWqs3STiU1qvOwr9jFue1HI%3D&pq-origsite=primo&sourcetype=Trade%20Journals

Something happened in our town: a child’s story about racial injustice. (n.d.). Goodreads. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/37953987-something-happened-in-our-town?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=T2PTSSGTc5&rank=1

Louw, K. (2023). Library, books on table and background for studying, learning and research in education, school or college. Reading, philosophy and open, vintage or history print book, university blurred background stock photo. In iStock. https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/library-books-on-table-and-background-for-studying-learning-and-research-in-gm1460007178-494280033?searchscope=image%2Cfilm

Miroshnichenko, I. (2021). Banner with books. Business and education background. Back to school concept stock photo. In iStock. https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/banner-with-books-business-and-education-background-back-to-school-concept-gm1354989842-429596752

[songsofadelaide]

Asleep Among Endives

💛 Original Character Information

✦ Fic Masterlist ✦

Some visual references of the Koganei Clan's main family. From left to right: Kaminari Kyouya (Hibari Kyoya TYL ver. - Katekyo Hitman Reborn), Koganei Kazuya (Ichinose Guren, Seraph of the End), Koganei Suzuna (Marianne vi Britannia, Code Geass), Koganei Chiemi (Saimori Kaya, My Happy Marriage), and Prospero Metherlence (Dino Cavallone TYL ver. - Katekyo Hitman Reborn)

✦ The Koganei Clan

Not even Ryomen Sukuna dared to covet that which should be untouchable— the most precious, golden tears of Suzaku. As the legends go, phoenix tears possess healing powers so immense that they can even successfully resuscitate any creature on the brink of death. While Suzaku existed as a protector in the past, the Koganei Clan of Tokyo became well-known for its own illusionary phoenix during the Golden Age of Jujutsu, a vessel that cried tears of molten gold meant to sew injuries closed, to mend broken bones, to heal what had been hurt— a cursed technique deemed more of a blessing than a curse when made use of, yet difficult to master and even harder to manifest.  Reverse cursed technique users were so rare a commodity, even for the Koganei Clan, who specialised in it. The number of family members that inherited the Kin'iro no Namida since the clan's formation can be counted by hand, each one carefully recorded in the family history. What was started out by the solitary Koganei Masahito of Edo, a goldsmith by trade, grew to become one of jujutsu society's age-old families. Though the Koganei were not as powerful as the Great Three Sorcerer Clans, the uniqueness of their technique became well-known to a point where they were in no position to refuse to assist both sorcerers and non-sorcerers in this golden age of sorcery.    The master Masahito sired many children with his wife Uesugi Karui in the hopes one like him would be born again. He also took many mistresses and the bloodline most flush with the ability soon became the main family, exalted for birthing children with the clan's gift. Apart from his cursed technique, the Koganei Clan gained fame and notoriety as a smithing family business, a front held up by Masahito's marriage to a daughter of the Uesugi Clan, the proprietors of the Sado Gold Mine. He sired children until he could do no more, and his family historians believed his final days to be a frenzy of final attempts to ensure the longevity of his precious cursed technique, and to an extent, his family name.  In modern-day Tokyo, the Koganei Clan now made their home alongside the golden ginkgo trees that lined part of the Meiji-Jingu Gaien, part of the aged estate shrouded with a curtain due to the perennial nature of the golden trees within the gated property. With a keen eye, any sorcerer would be able to knock on the gates that were hidden from the normal human being.

The Koganei Clan is a sorcerer family founded by Koganei Masahito, a goldsmith by trade who married Uesugi Karui, a daughter of the proprietor of the Sado Gold Mine. They are a recurring theme in my JJK fics and have a gold motif to them, evident in the words I used to name their techniques.

小金井 - Koganei, which literally means 'tiny gold town'. Kin'iro no Namida - Golden tears

The main family is composed of the following people:

Koganei Otome (YN) (born 1990), born to Koganei Kanade, a daughter of the clan's lower echelons. When you were six, you were discovered to have possessed the clan's prized Kin'iro no Namida, leading to your adoption to the main family. Suzuna did not treat you kindly in your childhood and only started to mellow when you decided to rise and accept your fate as the next clan leader. You and Satoru share a soulmate's bond after coming into contact with each other's souls and seeing each other's colours.

Koganei Suzuna, the matriarch of the family. Suzuna possesses the inherited cursed technique Kin'iro no Shishu, or Golden embroidery. As your adoptive mother, she is cruel but considerate and can't seem to comprehend all the attention you've been receiving.

Koganei Kazuya (born 1989), the first-born son of Suzuna and Kyouya. Kazuya inherited the Kaminari Clan's lightning-based cursed techniques, Lightning Rod Sorcery and Raiden (Lightning God). Unlike his mother, he is warm-hearted and quickly accepted you as his younger sister despite the fact that you stole his birthright. He and Satoru are good friends, but he doesn't like Naoya that much.

Koganei Chiemi (born 1991), Suzuna's daughter from another man and Kazuya's younger half-sister. The servants know better than to treat her with contempt even though she's what they would consider a bastard daughter. Chiemi was conceived out of Suzuna's desperation to birth a child with the clan's prized Kin'iro no Namida, but she instead inherited a milder version of Kin'iro no Shishu. She is spoiled and self-centred but eventually grew out of her childish disposition after an encounter with Nanami in 2006.

Kaminari Kyouya, Suzuna's rightful and legal husband. He is the second-born son of the Kaminari Clan, another minor sorcerer family with ties to the Tokyo Saenome Clan, who manages the region's Tsukumogami. He and Suzuna were childhood friends and he chose to marry into her family out of his great love for her. He loved Suzuna to the point where he willingly looked away when she decided to have a child with another man.

Prospero Metherlence, Chiemi's biological father. Prospero was born in Manchester, England and was a foreign operative in Great Britain's Secret Intelligence Service's Special Sorcery Sector. He has since retired from his work and lives comfortably in Japan. He and Suzuna had a one-night stand but he would have married her anyway if not for her status.

Some visual references of the young clan heirs. From left to right: Amamiya Ryuunosuke (Sakurayashiki Kaoru, SK8 the Infinity), Amamiya Risa (Ayasaki Remi, Horimiya), Sakashita Yohan (Takagi Yasu, Nana), and Sasoriza Yorihise (Seijurou Akashi, Kuroko's Basket)

When wintertime rolls in, signifying the start of the new year, the venue for clan leader gatherings is reset, and the representatives of sorcerer families near and far converge to Kyoto— the heartland of jujutsu society— to the fortress-like estate of the esteemed Zenin Clan. 

✦ The Fledgeling Clan Leaders

The Amamiya siblings Ryuunosuke (born 1989) and Risa (born 1991). They are a pair of good-looking siblings who radiate nothing but sweetness. Ryuunosuke is the heir to the Amamiya Clan, a minor sorcerer family. Risa stands as the lady of their house while her brother is still unmarried. They were present on your seventh birthday and gifted you a precious item. They went to Sesui with Kazuya and Chiemi. You affectionately refer to Ryuunosuke as Ryuu-kun, much to Satoru's annoyance.

Sakashita Yohan (born 1990), the heir to the Sakashita Clan, a minor sorcerer family. He also appears in my other fics as an older man and an enforcer of the Koganei Clan. He was present on your seventh birthday and gifted you a precious item. As an heir to clan leadership, he is friendly and cordial with his fellow heirs, though he kind of looks a bit scary. He considers you a senpai of sorts since you inherited clan leadership much earlier than others.

Sasoriza Yorihise (born 1990), the heir to the Sasoriza Clan, a minor sorcerer family. He was present on your seventh birthday and gifted you a precious item. Unlike Ryuunosuke and Yohan, Yorihise is mean and a bit disrespectful. He doesn't fear reprisal and can be a little reckless, much to his family's embarrassment.

More info to be added...

[heksery]

“Feeling safe around someone’s energy is a different kind of intimacy.” (for jules uwu)

"Such intimacy is one that you should avoid at all costs," declared the witch immediately. "Every time that I have let down my guard, I have been disappointed. My employers, the Von Aldenburgs, disposed of me when they deemed my skills too valuable, too costly. Naturally, it took its toll on me - it is not nothing to be thrown aside like trash by people whom you had dedicated your life to. Then my husband was unfaithful to me when I was no longer the satisfied woman I used to be." She spat the words out like venom and it felt good to get it off her chest, to share that burden she'd carried for centuries. "Even my mentor, who taught me the way of witchcraft, abandoned me as soon as I dared tiptoe in darker territory. So be warned, Marianne, dear. That is not the intimacy you should strive for."

[xtruss]

What If America Decriminalized All Drugs?

— By Aleks Phillips | Sunday 25 June 2023

Washington nearly became the second U.S. state to decriminalize all drugs recently, following Oregon, which did so in 2021.

There are also pushes at a national level for America to decriminalize drugs.

Stakeholders disagree over how the policy might best be implemented though.

A federal policy could bring benefits, but also health and law enforcement concerns, experts told Newsweek

Drug decriminalization, for just a moment last month, appeared to have been making itself at home in the American Northwest—raising questions once again as to what the country might look like were it to permit possession.

A temporary law in Washington state that had made drugs illegal was due to expire on July 1, in effect making possessing any drug no longer a crime. Lawmakers only approved a new drug policy about six weeks before the deadline.

Neighboring state Oregon decriminalized possession of small quantities of all drugs in 2021, and 31 states, including Washington, have already decriminalized marijuana to varying degrees. Distributing other drugs remains a criminal offense.

There are now calls for a national decriminalization policy. A bill handed to Congress in 2021—which will be reintroduced next month—would end criminal penalties for drug possession, and invest in public health and support programs.

Stock image of a selection of illegal drugs. Oregon and Portugal are among the places that have decriminalized drugs in favor of treatment programs. Getty Images

Advocates argue decriminalizing drugs can help tackle the more than a million drug-related arrests a year in the United States, and move policy from punishment to treatment. Marianne Williamson, a Democratic Presidential Candidate, is among those pushing for such a change at a national level.

How a decriminalized nationwide policy might operate is an open question, and stakeholders offer conflicting accounts of how it would best be implemented, even in the context of pre-existing models. There are tensions over how to fund recovery treatments, and whether that funding should come before a move to decriminalize.

Many view Portugal, which decriminalized personal use of all drugs in July 2001, as a shining example of a country that has successfully implemented the move. But there are criticisms of how both Oregon and Portugal have done so that might influence a national policy.

It is as yet unclear what impact on drug use Oregon's new law has had, but the legalization of marijuana has led to a record number of users.

Depending on how America might decriminalize drugs, some experts have raised concerns about the potential impacts of such a policy on law enforcement and the proliferation of new, illicit substances. But others say the current situation isn't working in either regard.

What Might a Decriminalized System Look Like?

Current decriminalization policies are typically twinned with stepped-up treatment pathways. The arguable benefit of decriminalization is fewer drug-related arrests and less stigma, but an adequate recovery system is needed to stop drug use and related harms from spiraling.

The proposed federal Drug Policy Reform Act 2021 argued that "harm reduction services and voluntary, on-demand access to evidence-based substance use disorder treatment have proven highly effective in reducing overdose and the spread of communicable diseases."

It called for possession of controlled substances deemed a personal amount to be decriminalized, but at the same time for the Secretary of Health to establish a grant program for expanding access to substance abuse treatments, harm reduction programs (such as overdose prevention) and pre-arrest diversions towards support.

Mike Shanahan, communications director for New Jersey Democratic Representative Bonnie Watson Coleman, who originally put forward the bill, told Newsweek it was scheduled to be reintroduced in July.

He said that the current system "has not been effective" and explained the act would move the job of tackling drug use "from a criminal justice issue to a public health issue including to shift regulatory authority from the Justice Department to the Department of Health and Human Services."

While the Drug Policy Reform Act gives the clearest picture of what a federal decriminalization policy could look like, it is uncertain how much it would cost to implement and how it would be funded; a Congressional Budget Office review of the policy has yet to materialize.

But Oregon, on a state-wide scale, has implemented a similar policy with a novel funding model. There, tax revenues from cannabis sales have been used to finance its new drug treatment pathways, with further funding expected from savings in the criminal justice system—something other states that have legalized marijuana could, in theory, replicate.

For this funding model to hold at a national level, the U.S. would have to legalize marijuana—making it a regulated product, rather than one that merely does not carry a criminal penalty for possession—to then tax it for recovery treatments, unless savings in the criminal justice system cover those expenses.

Kevin Roy, chief public policy officer at Shatterproof, an addiction charity, expressed concern, though, that using proceeds from drug sales to pay for drug treatment "can't help but shape your perspective on the risk of using cannabis." In 2022, 19.3 percent of those aged 12 and over in Oregon used marijuana, according to public health figures, above the U.S. average of 11.7 percent.

But Matt Sutton, public relations director for the Drug Policy Alliance (DPA), a New York-based pro-decriminalization think tank that lobbied in Oregon, disagreed with Roy's reading of the policy. He said that tying recovery pathway funding to the marijuana tax had been "very successful," whereas "there just wouldn't have been the same momentum to fund those services" if voters had considered a measure using mainstream tax revenue.

Sutton noted that Oregon had legalized cannabis in 2014 and was generating millions of dollars a year in tax revenue from sales of the drug, and so the tax pre-existed decriminalization. He told Newsweek that campaigners saw it as an "opportunity" to use the money "that no one really counted on" having.

There is also a tension among experts over whether or not decriminalization should precede an overhaul of treatment pathways, speaking to a wider debate about prioritizing lower incarceration rates or improved recovery outcomes, and illustrated by a difference in the implementation of Oregon's decriminalization model and that of Portugal.

"Portugal decided they were going to decriminalize drugs and spent two years distributing funds and building an alternative pathway that included consequences and repercussions... then they started decriminalizing drugs after they had built out that system," Mike Marshall, executive director of Oregon Recovers, an advocacy group, told Newsweek.

"We did the opposite: we simply stopped arresting people, and then have spent three or four years trying to build somewhat of an alternative intervention system."

He argued that Oregon "didn't do anything to move the dial in increasing access" to what he described as "traditional" forms of treatment, adding: "So we passed a law that would in many respects drive people into the system, but we didn't do anything to improve the system."

The Oregon Health Authority survey found there was a 49 percent gap between treatment service supply and estimated demand, with more than half of providers citing a lack of capacity. Newsweek approached the Oregon governor's office for comment via email on Wednesday.

Across the U.S., a 2020 report by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) noted that while the number of facilities overall had increased by 20 percent between 2010 and 2020, private non-profit facilities had decreased by 8 percent—suggesting it may have become harder for drug users on low incomes to seek treatment. State and local governments treated just 6 percent of all users, while the federal government treated 3 percent.

"If we're not going to build a robust prevention system and treatment system, decriminalizing drugs is just lighting a barrel of gunpowder and then us all being surprised when it blows up," Marshall said.

Roy told Newsweek that Portugal "had the investment in their treatment ecosystem to make the requirement to get treatment actually effective and plausible—and so for a state to try this, you really need to have a sufficient number of treatment facilities and treatment providers, and sufficient number of care coordinators."

He added: "Unless we're positioned to do that, which we're not today, it would not make a lot of sense to pursue that kind of open policy."

Sutton agreed that recovery services were "vastly underfunded" in the U.S., but argued there would be more funding for them under a decriminalized system. In Oregon, decriminalization has funded more than 16,000 appointments in the first year, according to DPA figures.

He added that waiting for treatment pathways to improve without decriminalization was not a "realistic scenario," saying it also provided less stigma for users seeking treatment.

"Involvement with the criminal legal system just creates more barriers in people's lives, creates more trauma, and makes it more difficult for them to access the services they need to attain recovery," Sutton said.

"Drug arrests and the drug war in general has disproportionately targeted communities of color," the decriminalization advocate noted, pointing to a "huge net positive" of Oregon's estimated 95 percent reduction in racial arrest disparities.

The Drug Policy Reform Act would decriminalize drugs 180 days after its passage, while a grants program is stipulated to be established one year after—suggesting an interest at a federal level in lowering incarceration rates.

Once a national policy is set, the finer points of how it is implemented have a significant bearing on how drug users may be treated.

The Effect on Drug Users

The proposed 2021 Act would eliminate various legal consequences for drug possession convictions, including those around federal benefits, housing benefits and the removal of drivers' licenses.

However, the language leaves open how the new system would treat users in terms of pushing them towards treatment—something other models already in place have done in varying ways. Were America to decriminalize drugs, it would have to choose between these strategies.

In Portugal, while a person found in possession of a personal amount of drugs cannot be imprisoned, users are compelled to appear before a local commission—comprised of legal, health and social workers—whose primary role is to ensure the health of the individual and dissuade them from further drug use through referrals to treatment programs.

Failure to attend treatment when ordered is subject to administrative sanctions such as fines or community service.

"One of the challenges in terms of states in the U.S. trying to implement policies that look like Portugal is often a misunderstanding of what they've actually done," Roy said. "In Portugal, there's a really heavy emphasis—social and legal—on people seeking treatment and reducing drug use. That's a goal, and I'm not sure that's been really clear as people talk about decriminalization in the U.S."

In Oregon, there is currently no recourse for treatment non-attendance. Instead, those given $100 fines for drug possession violations can avoid paying them if they can prove to a court that they have completed an assessment to be directed towards relevant treatment.

Marshall said that while Portugal's system was "predicated on that notion that people respond to consequences," in Oregon it was "entirely voluntary for people who aren't necessarily making the sound decisions for themselves."

A customer looks at marijuana for sale at a dispensary in Eugene, Oregon on March 22, 2016. The state legalized recreational cannabis in 2014, and decriminalized all drugs in 2021. Andrew Caballero-Reynolds/AFP Via Getty Images

But Sutton said Portugal's model created "no more of a deterrent" than Oregon's, noting that in many Portuguese cases, sanctions were never carried out. A 2013 report found that 83 percent of addiction commission rulings resulted in a temporary suspension, with just 12 percent being punitive.

"Ultimately, we want people to go into the services because they want the services, because that's when we know they'll be the most effective," he added.

How a U.S. decriminalization system is set up for users also hinges on whether it means they are less likely to face criminal charges for drug offenses.

Despite drug-related arrests dropping from 14,000 a year to around 5,000 a year after decriminalization in Portugal, according to a 2011 paper, one academic study in 2021, supported by the Portuguese government, found that since 2009 there had been an increase in criminal sanctions for possession over the 10-day individual use amount allowed.

Sutton noted that what counted as a personal use amount was far lower in Oregon—around 1-2 days' supply—suggesting dependent users were more likely to face sanctions, and demonstrating that wherever a federal benchmark for personal use may be set could have vastly differing implications for regular drug users.

There was an approximate 60 percent decrease in drug-related arrests in the first 10 months after decriminalization in Oregon versus the same period the year before. Incarceration rates have also fallen. However, as Portugal shows, the long-term effects remain unclear.

As a relatively new policy, it is too soon to tell what impact decriminalization in Oregon is having on drug use in the state—and therefore how this might map to the rest of the country.

However, as more states have decriminalized marijuana, more people are using the drug than since monitoring its usage started in 1988. The proportion of those aged 19-30 across the U.S. using cannabis has risen from 34 percent in 2016 to 43 percent in 2021.

To some, this may suggest that further decriminalization in the U.S. would only lead to greater drug use.

Roy warned that the rise in prevalence of marijuana was changing the perception of its risks—especially among younger people. He cited a May 2023 study that found cannabis use was "significantly associated" with adverse psychosocial issues among adolescents.

A 2019 EU report estimated consumption of marijuana—Portugal's most frequently-used drug—had trended upward between 2012-2017, but use of other drugs such as cocaine and ecstasy had continued to trend downward, suggesting wider decriminalization may not influence cannabis use.

"The vast majority of Americans would agree that we should have marijuana legalization; I don't think that's really a huge issue at this point," Sutton remarked.

He added that a regulated marijuana market made selling to minors harder, and that when "people are going to use drugs regardless," an awareness of the risks of drug consumption "just makes the case" for decriminalization.

"The people that are selling drugs in an unregulated market, they're not doing any kind of quality control, or labeling, or anything that is going to make the consumer more aware of what they're consuming," Sutton said.

The Effect on Drug-Related Issues

While the impacts on drug users is key to understanding what a decriminalized U.S. might look like, it is only part of the picture. There are also questions as to how decriminalization would affect drug-related crime and, to that end, law enforcement.

"I'm handling a case right now as an expert for the family, where a young man who the family couldn't handle was on the street when he should have been receiving intensive care, mental health care, and police shot him down and killed him," Michael Levine, an expert trial witness and former Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA) undercover specialist, told Newsweek.

"That kind of scenario, I believe, is going to increase significantly [if drugs were decriminalized]."

He said that there were many cases in which a family "couldn't handle" a drug user, and therefore called the police, who in some cases resorted to lethal force. In 2022, 6.4 percent of use-of-force cases started with a mental health or welfare call, FBI data shows, though how many of these calls were drug-related is not given.

"I worked the streets for 25 years; I've seen what completely out of control, addicted people do," Levine, who also spent four years as a special agent for the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco & Firearms, remarked. "And it's very bad, extremely bad, and you have to expect a significant increase in police-involved shootings."

A decriminalization advocate might argue that treatment pathways funded by such a drug policy could help prevent these incidents from occurring by helping more of those in serious need of support. Sutton said it was "very easy" at present to "drag more money towards law enforcement to crack down on people who are using drugs."

There are also early signs that cannabis decriminalization could be facilitating the rise of new drugs, which health workers and law enforcement alike are struggling to cope with.

Used needles are seen on the street during a city sweep of a homeless encampment on September 22, 2022, in New York City. Michael Levine, a former DEA agent, said he has seen the "extremely bad" effects of drug users on the street during his career. Andrew Lichtenstein/Corbis Via Getty Images

In recent years, waves of fentanyl, a synthetic opioid, and now xylazine, a veterinary tranquilizer, have gripped America. Both have provided cheap, if dangerous, substitutes and cutting agents for more expensive opioids on the black market.

One March 2023 study found a potential link between marijuana legalization and higher opioid mortality rates, particularly among younger people, suggesting it was acting as a gateway to harder drugs.

However, another study in 2021 argued there was "some evidence" cannabis legalization may reduce opioid-related deaths. Researchers at DPA said the March 2023 study "does not show causation," adding: "Increased deaths from fentanyl are not necessarily associated with increased use rates because the drug supply is potent and unpredictable."

"Drugs you and I have not heard of will become used," Levine warned of decriminalization. "There is no end to the inventiveness of people using and selling and buying drugs."

Newsweek approached the DEA via email for comment on June 1.

An undercover operative as part of Operation Trifecta, Levine recalled dining with drug lords in the Panamanian jungle. "What they told me, very frankly, was they don't have any fear of law enforcement," he said. "What they have fear of is some invention, some drug that will take away the market of cocaine. They're still in business, but there are many other drugs now in business, and I think that is a harbinger of the future."

Sutton concurred that drug dealers could be "very innovative," but attributed the current fentanyl and xylazine epidemics to U.S. government crackdowns on opioids and illicit prescription medications in recent years.

He referenced a study, published on June 7, that showed an increase in overdoses in an area shortly after a drug seizure.

Roy said that not only were there new drugs emerging, but new markets, including an illicit cannabis trade that undercut legal vendors, creating safety concerns.

"What we've seen is the opposite of the intended policy with respect to cannabis decriminalization and legalization," he commented. "Use is up, harms are up by some measure in terms of driving under the influence... and we've also not seen reductions in overdoses." He added: "Going further down that path doesn't make a whole lot of sense."

Yet Sutton responded that despite widespread marijuana legalization, drug policy remained rooted in the justice system, which he said in many cases deterred users from seeking help over a fear of facing criminal charges.

"Say you and I were going to use fentanyl, I went out and bought the fentanyl and brought it back to my house for us," Sutton explained. "I technically delivered the fentanyl to you; if you were to overdose, they could in some states charge me with your death.

"That has a chilling effect on people's ability to actually access help and to call for help during an emergency." He added that decriminalization would "remove those barriers."

[ncfan-1]

An Arrow Piercing the Heart’s Eye - Chapter Nineteen

The shadows loom deep and thick over the forest of Mircea, heavy with history and dark with blood. On their way home after claiming the Great Bridge of Myrddin, Marianne and Linhardt are separated from the rest of the convoy during a raid and become lost in Mircea. But even with Maurice gone, something still waits in the dark heart of the forest…

Chapter Nineteen is up!

They had been obliged to come down here. There had been no choice in it, no choice at all. Marianne had had no choice about whether or not she came down here, and was risking punishment—she never had found out just what the punishment was for missing her chores; she was an adult woman now, rather than a girl who could be easily punished by those around her when they deemed it appropriate, but still, she must wonder…—if she did not agree to follow after Flayn, no matter where it was that she might go. She had been worried. Not intrigued. Not really even curious. She had been obliged. That was all there was to it.

She was not seeking out Linhardt’s company. She was not digging her fingers into anyone’s wounds, and certainly not willingly. (There were those who might have said that she was digging her fingers into her own wounds. There were those who might have said that she did that all the time. Sometimes, she was one of those people. Sometimes, there was nothing she could do but dig her fingers into her own wounds, even when the noxious reek of blood made her gag and the pain of it made her want to die. She wasn’t doing it now. She wasn’t doing it now. She was not doing it now.) It was simply by chance, and by Flayn’s desires, that the two of them were to join her down in the bowels of the chambers below the monastery, to stay in each other’s company today, and she…