#mattfraction

[craigfernandez]

[slowtides]

heyo discussion of panic attack and suicidal ideation

So last night, I had this really long and suspended panic attack that has honestly been bubbling for a while now. It's partly related to considering coming out to my dad and partly related to something else that I can't talk about. But it basically involved this fear that I have that trying to have a future is pointless and fruitless because of mistakes I've made in the past that won't go away.

And it's just been a while since I've had a panic attack I guess. Just the acid in my throat, the cramps in my stomach, the pain in my head, the breaths that wouldn't come. Like everything was swimming around me and I couldn't see past the feelings assaulting my body. It lasted off and on for hours. My hands would tremble and I would coach myself through a breathing exercise and calm down for a minute, and then I would think about it again and it was like a weight that had been lifted was pressing down on me again suddenly. I had been having some nuisance hallucinations and they were getting more and more present, like shadows always on the edge of my eyes. It was so scary and hard and just. paralyzing I guess.

So I started making plans like I always do when I have a panic attack. I won't repeat them, but it was really fucking scary and hard. I don't know. It's hard to write about it without going back into that space, so I won't do it.

And then I remembered that post about suicide that blogger mattfraction made a long time ago. He talked about a suicidal episode he had where he was actually like about to go through with it but remembered that there was a comic series he was reading that hadn't finished publishing, and he really wanted to find out all that happened in that story. And that was what took him out of that moment. He ended up shaving half his pubic hair vertically so every time he looked at his bits he would laugh, and I guess he's still around. I don't know anything about him other than this post that my best friend sent me ten years ago when I was just starting college.

And it's so silly, but it's not silly to me. There's this super long fanfiction that I'm reading. It's over 1.5 million words right now, and there are still at least 500k words of story left that the author hasn't published (they publish every week). And I realized that I really want to find out what happens in this fanfiction, probably more than I have wanted anything else in a really long time. It feels silly to have it written out, but this is a story that I've been reading for years, that brings me so much comfort, that makes me feel like there are things I can be curious about. It is more effective than any career goal or personal mile stone because those are tied up in all the ways I'm afraid to fail or struggle. Because it's just this selfless person giving the gift of their creativity and writing to the world where I can share it. And that's so fucking awesome that I just have to stick with it.

I reread mattfraction's post, and he talks about a friend of his who tried to commit suicide but realized as it happened that he didn't want to go, all because a Van Morrison song came on the radio. And I thought of all the music that I really want to listen to. He also made this long list of things that are small reasons, dust motes, to shake out of suicidal ideation, and none of it is family or friends. But one of them is "who the fuck will love your dog like you do when you're gone?" and I thought of my cat. Who the fuck will love my cat like I do when I'm gone?

Also one of my greatest fears is that I will die at home and be eaten by my cat, and that was the final straw. I started to compartmentalize my feelings and think about short and long term coping mechanisms and solutions, and I made it through the night without relapsing or anything. I slept until 5 pm but that's okay.

I guess what I'm saying is that life can become difficult without warning. And I have possibly become better at managing these feelings than I was when I was younger. And Maybe I should call a doctor or at least a friend.

[keycomicbooks]

Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #9 (2020) 1st Appearance of Splitter/Arm-Fall-Off-Boy (Floyd Belkin)

#Superman's Pal #JimmyOlsen #9 (2020) #SteveLieber Art, #MattFraction Writer, 1st Appearance of Splitter/Arm-Fall-Off-Boy (#FloydBelkin) "Untitled" Jimmy and Jix are on the run, pursued by an intergalactic death force that wants to break up their marriage by any means necessary. SAVE ON SHIPPING COST - NOW AVAILABLE FOR LOCAL PICK UP IN DELTONA, FLORIDA https://www.rarecomicbooks.fashionablewebs.com/Supermans%20Pal%20Jimmy%20Olsen%202020.html#9  #KeyComicBooks #DCComics #DCU #DCUniverse #KeyIssue

[kestrelhill]

Hawkeye as community organizer

[stevelieber]

And here’s Jimmy’s sister, Janie Olsen. Such a fun character! I doubt there’s a publishing niche for it anywhere, but wow I’d love to draw a story that’s just about her someday. Obviously an angry playwright isn’t a typical mainstream comics protagonist, but I knew from her first panel that she could be way more than just a supporting character. (From Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olsen, written by #MattFraction, drawn by me, color by @nathanfairbairn, letters by @claytoncowles. Lotsa great background help from @tomrogerscomics. Edited by @jesschillin_likeavillain.) https://www.instagram.com/p/CUTde-Eva9f/?utm_medium=tumblr

[lifeinacartoon]

My version of Matt Fraction’s Hawkeye! Hope you like! I wasn't sure if I would be able to get this done but I'm pretty happy with the outcome partly because I am still learning about shading! Thank you to @hereortherebamfanywhere for your advice! It really helped more than u know! And thanks to @brutaldelightstudios for the finishing hints! #art #digitalart #comicbookart #hawkeye #clintbarton #mattfraction #comicbook #marvelcomics #iwanttobeanartist #drawingmydream #aspiretocreatecomics #artistsoninstagram #artistsontumblr #artoftheday (at Birmingham, United Kingdom) https://www.instagram.com/p/CQKR-0dHMpY/?utm_medium=tumblr

[geeksandgoddesses]

#Hawkeye series Episodes 1&2 are live on #DisneyPlus! So much fun! #jeremyrenner #haileesteinfeld #clintbarton #katebishop #pizzadog #marvel #mcu #mattfraction #geeksandgoddesses #disneyplus @hawkeyeofficial https://www.instagram.com/p/CWqO51uLADmXVFiS0DmZ0rdBQO0zGynkZqdUQU0/?utm_medium=tumblr

[thereasonsimbroke]

Can never share too much #TerryDodson 🐈 #Adventureman #Indie #Comics #ComicBooks #BoostYourLCS #ShopLocal #ILOVECOMICS #MattFraction https://www.instagram.com/p/CUD_-J5LfeH/?utm_medium=tumblr

[mikedeodatojr]

#Repost @spideyquest with @repostsaveapp · · · Finished! The 16 issue Dark Avengers (2009-2010) series! It’s almost completely written by @brianmbendis and drawn by Mike Deodato, Jr., except for the X-Men/Utopia crossover issues by Matt Fraction, et. al. This series is pretty great. It chronicles the aftermath of Secret Invasion, where Osborn and his Thunderbolts saved us all from Skrulls. He was appointed America’s top cop, made a new bunch of Avengers who were psychos and super criminals masquerading as familiar heroes (like Spidey!). They fought actual baddies like Morgana Le Fay and the Molecule Man—squabbled among themselves, discriminated against mutants, and slowly fell apart! The rise and fall of Norman Osborn! Best part was the arc about the infinitely powerful, but also uber-loony Sentry! Deodato makes Norm look like Tommy Lee Jones, which is pretty funny! #darkavengers #brianmichaelbendis #mikedeodatojr #mikedeodato #mattfraction #marvel #marvelcomics https://www.instagram.com/p/CFcA8hGHzGN/?igshid=1khlfzmzuhsfw

[helioscopepdx]

#Repost @ifanboycomics ・・・ Best of the Week in Panels! . That is an incredible cartooning gag that I’ve never seen used before. - @cskilpatrick . Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olsen #11 By Matt Fraction, Steve Lieber, Nathan Fairbairn, & Clayton Cowles . #ifanboy #comics #comicbooks #superman #jimmyolsen #supermanspaljimmyolsen #mattfraction #stevelieber #nathanfairbairn #claytoncowles #dccomics #bestoftheweekinpanels https://www.instagram.com/p/CDLQN4OBRmO/?igshid=u5jl7ptrkinc

[doctorsparkle]

The inimitable Steve Lieber was gracious enough to compose me a masterpiece from the prompt inspired by #MattFraction and their stupendous story: “A Hawkguy who is great at boats.” I could not be more bowled away if I were a pin and he were the Dude! (at Oregon Convention Center) https://www.instagram.com/p/B2gOMAanvPY/?igshid=wykqw2mru7k3

[infinite-eve]

🍰🎺🏹💜“Hey, Avengers? Where's the cake and brass band, huh? Hawkeye's back!”💜🏹🎺🍰 I love the aesthetics of this shot by the wonderful 📸@roastedcos !! It is yet another recreation this time of #MCU Clint! Swipe to see the source image that I didn’t have access to, so there’s differences but it’s recognizable! Also this will be the last of Hawkeye for a bit gonna try some new stuff!! Keep and eye on my Facebook page for a full gallery of Hawkeye soonish. #hawkeye #mattfraction #hawkeyecomics #hawkeyemcu #marvel #marvelcomics #marvelmovies #cosplay #hawkeyecosplay #clintbarton #jeremyrenner #katebishop #therealhawkeye #thetwohawkeyes #archer #archery #bowandarrows #trainedagent #secretagent #espionage https://www.instagram.com/p/B3vc-JQjNVW/?igshid=1x3grmo106hu6

[keycomicbooks]

Punisher War Journal #21 (2008) Alex Maleev Cover / Matt Fraction & Rick Remender Writer / Howard Chaykin Artist

#PunisherWarJournal #21 (2008) #AlexMaleev Cover / #MattFraction & #RickRemender Writer / #HowardChaykin Artist "JIGSAW PART 4" The Hand and it's cadre of fantastic killers makes its move against #ThePunisher as every shooter in New York City has their sites trained on #FrankCastle... SAVE ON SHIPPING COST - NOW AVAILABLE FOR LOCAL PICK UP IN DELTONA, FLORIDA https://rarecomicbooks.fashionablewebs.com/Punisher%20War%20Journal%202008.html  #RareComicBooks #KeyComicBooks #MarvelComics #MCU #MarvelUniverse #KeyIssue

[10paezinhos]

I had to draw the most colorful family at the red carpet premiere of the Captain Marvel movie, the wonderful De Fractions. Congratulations, @kellysued, for rocking always, and for always reaching for the stars. higher, further, faster, baby. #captainmarvel #defractions #kellysue #mattfraction (em El Captain Theater) https://www.instagram.com/p/BuoQrkjgUyh/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=kcmfa86iccyb

[sshiire-blog]

Well when you say it like that, it sounds stupid.

[thewriterknownaspez-blog]

Quella volta che a Gabriel Bá è salito il Ken il guerriero coatto. (Da "Casanova" di Matt Fraction e Gabriel Bá) Recuperabile qui: https://amzn.to/2XplDR3 #fumetti #comics #comicart #comicbooks #imagecomics #mattfraction #gabrielba #casanova #comicbookpage #comicsartist #hokutonoken #fistofthenorthstar #kenilguerriero #manga #tetsuohara #mangainfluence #picoftheday https://www.instagram.com/p/BzdJSmei-6q/?igshid=1jbm482ph8i2s