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floralcyanide · 2 months

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― ᴅᴇᴀʀ ᴊᴀᴠɪ

After realizing you've had enough of being single, you decide to branch out further into your romantic life on a whim. What you don't expect is to meet someone as a result. or ; In which you converse in letters and phone calls with Javi Rivera, an active-duty military man.

part two

↝ pairing: Javier "Javi" Rivera / Fem!Reader

↝ warnings: long distance, reader has anxiety, kinda slow burn?, kissing, mentions of death

↝ word count: 5.3k

↝ author's note: I enjoyed writing this so much. this is the first time I've written something this long in a while. I hope ya'll enjoy! there will definitely be a part two and it's gonna be spicy so be prepared. (;

masterlist ⋇ divider credit: @cafekitsune

this fic has been cross posted to ao3.

ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴄᴏᴘʏ, ʀᴇᴘʀᴏᴅᴜᴄᴇ, ᴏʀ ᴄʟᴀɪᴍ ᴍ�� ᴡᴏʀᴋ ᴀs ʏᴏᴜʀs ᴏɴ ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ, ᴀᴏ3, ᴡᴀᴛᴛᴘᴀᴅ, ᴏʀ ᴀɴʏ ᴡᴇʙsɪᴛᴇ. ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴘᴇʀᴍɪssɪᴏɴ ᴛᴏ ᴜsᴇ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋs ɪɴ ᴀɪ ɢᴇɴᴇʀᴀᴛᴏʀs ᴏʀ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀʀᴛɪғɪᴄɪᴀʟ ɪɴᴛᴇʟʟɪɢᴇɴᴄᴇ. ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴀʏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴜsᴇ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋs ᴛᴏ sᴇʟʟ ғᴏʀ ᴀs ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴡɴ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛɪᴏɴ

Your dating life has reached a new low. Tinder, Bumble, Hinge- none of them work for you despite your incessant attempts. It’s so bad that your friends have set you up on blind dates, all of which fail or turn into what people like to call situationships. You end up wasting your time on someone thinking it’s going great, and then suddenly, it ends in a fiery crash or sometimes plain old rejection. You’re so tired of dating. Even your university campus has no luck in the dating pool. But then, one night (after drinking too much box wine and scrolling through dating apps begrudgingly), your best friend has an idea.

“Have you ever like, dated long distance?” they ask, swirling their wine around their glass.

“Not really,” you shrug, taking a sip from yours, “I feel like it’d be harder than dating someone close by, which is already a lot.”

“True,” they sigh, “Ooh! Maybe use one of those pen pal apps?”

“Pen pal apps?” you raise an eyebrow, locking your phone before tossing it on the couch in disgust, “What am I, nine years old?”

Your best friend rolls their eyes, “It’s not something just kids do, you know. A lot of people make genuine connections through letters. It’s a lot better than Tinder or some shitty dating app at this point. You may as well try.”

“I guess you’re right,” you glance down at your phone, “I’m running out of options here.”

After Googling and scrolling through search results, you hum, “Maybe I could do one of the military pen pal programs. That seems promising.”

“Yes! Get you a military man!” your best friend squeals, and you can’t help the giddy smile that grows on your lips.

“Okay, I’ll do it,” you say, and your best friend shakes your shoulder excitedly, “But if it doesn’t work out, I’m just going to die alone, I guess. At this point, it’s less stressful.”

Your best friend snorts, “If we make it to thirty and we’re both still single, we could get married.”

“I love you, but if I had to spend the rest of my life with you, I’d probably go insane.”

“You have some killer jokes, kid. You’re already stuck with me, so sorry.”

That following day, you do a deep dive into all things pen-palling. You decide to sit down at your desk and type up a letter, but it feels too wrong like it needs to be handwritten instead. So, you move your laptop aside, pull out some notebook paper and a pencil, and start your first letter. Except, you aren’t sure what to say first. Then, when you start writing, your handwriting annoys you, and after that, you think your tone is off. You end up scrapping half a tree by the time you start actually writing a decent letter. You introduce yourself and state where you’re from, explaining you’re in college and what you wish to do after graduating. You don’t dive into too much detail but give enough away so your possible pen pal has something to respond to. You also sprinkle in some questions for them to answer as well. You reread your letter, finally satisfied with what you’ve written, before folding it and sliding it into an envelope. You go back to your phone to see where to send the letter, writing down the location along with your name and address on the front.

Life goes on for a little while, and you actually forget you sent a letter to some random person in the military until one day, your best friend is sifting through the mail you tossed onto your counter.

“Uhh, what’s this?” they call out from the kitchen as you surf through Netflix in the living room.

“What’s what?”

“You got a letter from some dude named Javier?” your best friend says it as more of a question than a statement.

You scrunch up your nose and eyebrows in confusion before finally settling on a show you and your best friend have seen a million times already, walking into the kitchen.

“Let me see.”

Your best friend hands over the letter, and you scan the envelope carefully. Javier Rivera. It doesn’t sound familiar to you, but then you notice where the letter is from.

“Oh shit,” you flip the envelope over and tear it open.

“What is it?”

“It’s the pen pal thing!” you say, voice raised in shock, “I didn’t think someone would actually respond.”

“Oh yeah,” your best friend nods, “I forgot about that. I figured you chickened out on it because you never mentioned it again.”

“I didn’t chicken out,” you trail off, taking in the meticulous handwriting of the letter.

Dearest Pen Pal,

Thank you for sending your letter. I don’t think you’ll ever understand how much it meant to me to receive it. I’m Javier, but everyone calls me Javi. I’m the same age as you and have been to college myself. I joined the military for personal reasons, but I haven’t regretted it yet. Your career path seems interesting, and I hope you succeed in the rest of your studies.

Your best friend hovers over your shoulder, also reading the letter.

“He seems cute,” your best friend giggles.

Javi answers some of your random questions and goes on to say he anticipates your next letter. He also says that if you’d like, he’d send a photo of himself next time. Your best friend has a field day with that.

“Oh my gosh! What if he’s hot?” they gasp.

“Who knows? I wouldn’t care if he wasn’t, anyway. It’s cool to talk to someone I’ve never met over letters.”

“True. But bonus points if he is hot.”

You scoff as you fold the letter up and put it back in the envelope.

When your best friend leaves later on, you immediately bolt to your desk and write your letter.

Dear Javi,

I’m glad my letter found you well. Thanks for the hope in me, I definitely need it. College is fun, but it’s super exhausting. I don’t think I asked in my last letter, but where are you from? Also, what did you major in while in school? I’d love to see what you look like and put a face to your name. What military branch are you in, and what do you want to do with your experience when you’re back in the States? Sorry for all the questions again! I’m just super curious about things. If this letter reaches you sooner than later this time around, I hope you have a great Thanksgiving.

You wrap up your letter, albeit a little shorter than the last one, and slip it into your mailbox ASAP. This time, you won’t forget you sent it.

When the following letter arrives, it’s early December. You hastily remove your scarf, coat, and wet snow boots at your front door before opening the letter immediately. When you pull the letter from the envelope, a photo falls onto the floor. You pick it up, and it’s a small picture of who you assume is Javi, all decked out in his military uniform. Okay, your best friend was right on the money, he is pretty cute.

Dearest Pen Pal,

I had a decent Thanksgiving. I hope yours was better than mine! I’m from Miami, Florida. I went to school in Muskogee, Oklahoma, and while I was there, I studied weather phenomena and chased storms. It was a whole thing, but I’ll get into that later. And I don’t mind all the questions. I think it’ll be fun getting to know each other.

Javi explains what branch he’s in and also admits he doesn’t know what he’s going to do after the military as of yet. He talks about his Thanksgiving and wishes you a Merry Christmas if he doesn’t get to communicate with you before then. You decide to send a photo of yourself back to him, digging out your Polaroid camera when you go to your bedroom to respond to his letter. You touch up your makeup a little and make sure your hair isn’t absolutely a mess before taking a photo. Sitting down to write your letter, you aren’t sure how to react to the photo Javi sent. You don’t want to be weird, but you also want him to know that you think he’s attractive.

Dear Javi,

I love the photo you sent, and you look pretty dapper in your uniform. I’m sending a picture of myself, too. Chasing storms sounds very interesting. Please tell me more about that!

You rattle off some things you have done while in school, talking about the places you have traveled to over the years and the people you’ve met. You gush about your best friend, especially.

So far, you’re probably the most intriguing person I’ve talked to, Javi. Not everyone can say they’re a storm chaser, you add.

You polish off your letter, which ends up being two pages long (three if you count the back on the first page, too.) You neatly fold up the paper and slide it into an envelope. You don’t expect a reply until New Year because of the amount of mail that will be coming in and out of the base. Javi is stationed on the other side of the country from you and may be moved out of the country if needed.

As you expected, it isn’t until a month and a half later that you receive a letter from Javi again. It’s a long letter- a few pages total this time. The letter is in a Christmas card, and it’s signed by Javi. You immediately hang the card on your refrigerator door so you can look at it daily. He talks about how his holidays went, how all the guys on his base called home or were able to FaceTime their family. Javi asks how your holidays have gone and showers you with compliments over the photo you sent him. You can’t help but feel your stomach flutter at his words.

Over the next few months, you and Javi write back and forth diligently. You know just about everything about Javi, and he knows almost everything about you. You feel like there’s something he’s keeping from you, possibly the storm chasing he had brought up, but you don’t push it. He will tell you when he’s ready. And there’s also some stuff about your life you’d rather wait to explain as well. In your last letter, you wrote your email and phone number so that Javi can communicate with you in other ways. You’re able to guess how long it takes the letters to get to Javi, so around the time you expect them to get to him, you’re giddy. You anxiously await a phone call or email any day now.

It’s August when your phone rings with a call from an unknown number. You have had such a long day- school for several hours, then work immediately after in the evening. You can’t help but wonder who could be calling at 9 pm. You make yourself comfy on the couch with your favorite beverage before answering the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hi, it’s Javi. Is this the right number?”

You nearly choke on your sip of drink, “Oh shit. Hi! Yes, this is the right number!”

Javi laughs from the other end, and you decide you want to hear that laugh again so badly.

“Sorry I’m calling so late over there. The phone was surprisingly available, and I got your letter today saying I could call. So I did,” Javi said.

“It’s okay,” you shrug, even though he can’t see, “I just got home from work, actually. So perfect timing.”

“Great. How was your day?”

The two of you spend about an hour on the phone, relishing having an actual conversation in real time.

“I’m so glad to finally hear your voice,” Javi says after a natural pause in conversation, “That’s not too cheesy, right?”

You snort, “It kind of is, but it’s cute. I’m glad to hear your voice, too.”

After another ten minutes, Javi sadly admits that he has to hang up since it’s almost dinner time where he is.

“We should talk again sometime if you’re able to,” you smile, biting at your fingernail nervously.

You hope he calls again, but letters will always suffice just fine.

“I’ll try my best. Maybe sometime next week?”

“Sounds like a plan,” you say, pulling the phone away from your ear so you can silently kick your feet in excitement.

“Alright, then. Talk to you later,” Javi says.

“See ya,” you grin, and the call concludes.

It isn’t the following week that he calls, but the week after that. Javi discloses that he sent a surprise in the letter he just mailed. He also slips up and says it’s almost his birthday, and you immediately have an idea. After your long conversation on the phone, asking some questions here and there about certain things he likes that you didn’t already know before, you decide to send Javi a package.

You send a postcard from your home state, some non-perishable snacks, socks that were his favorite color that he could wear when not on base, notebooks he could write letters in, some fun pens to go with the notebooks, and a birthday card. After signing it, you leave a lip print on the card just to test the waters. You’ve come to really like Javi over the last year, and you wonder if he likes you back. Sometimes, he’ll be flirty in letters or over the phone, but nothing too crazy. Nothing that gives you alarm bells that he likes you in the way that you like him. So, you’re taking a leap of faith.

A few weeks after sending the package, you get Javi's phone call while doing some class work at your desk. You spin around in the chair aimlessly as you answer the phone.

“A kiss, huh? That’s cute.”

“Oh, it’s nothing. Just a little something to remind you of me,” you say.

“It’s definitely not nothing,” Javi teases, “I think you want to kiss me.”

Your ears grow hot at the sound of Javi’s voice deepening in playfulness.

“And so what if I do? There’s nothing you can do about it,” you bite back with just as much playfulness.

“Are you sure about that?” Javi says, a knowing lilt in his voice.

“What do you mean?” you furrow your eyebrows, stopping the chair from spinning entirely so you can focus.

“I’m most likely coming home for Christmas this year, but I still have to work out some stuff,” Javi says, an edge of excitement in his voice, “I’d like to possibly see you.”

“Oh,” you say, your voice squeaking, “Really? You want to see me?”

“Of course I wanna see you,” Javi chuckles, “We’ve been corresponding for a while. I’d like to finally see you in person.”

You suddenly feel like you’re going to throw up, but in a good way. You’re sick with nervous excitement.

“O-okay,” you grin, “I’ll be finished with the semester at the beginning of December. Depending on when and where you want to meet, I can ask off from work.”

Javi has family not too far from where you live, and he wants to stop and see, so the two of you agree to meet in a city that’s basically halfway. December 20th is the day you’re supposed to meet Javi after a year of conversing through letters and over the phone. Who would have thought, right? That some random idea from your best friend would have led you here? Speaking of which, your best friend is beside themselves with excitement just like you. You called them immediately after hanging up with Javi.

“When you get married, make sure to thank me!” they say half-jokingly.

“Shut up,” you roll your eyes, trying to stifle a grin, “What if we don’t like each other when we meet, though? What if it’s awkward? What if we don’t have anything to talk about? What if-”

“Hush!” your best friend shushes you, “It will go fine. It will go great. In fact, you’re going to have a splendid time.”

“I guess you’re right,” you sigh, eyeballing the photo of Javi you have pinned to your corkboard over your desk.

“I’m always right,” your best friend giggles.

It’s now the end of your semester, and you’re beyond excited for a few reasons. In a week, you meet Javi, and this coming Spring semester is your last. So, for the time being, you’ll be finished with college. You come home from your final exam and start making a packing list. You’re staying at a hotel in the city where you’re meeting Javi for a day or two, depending on how things go. You have so much to do before going on the mini trip that if you didn’t have a list planned out for everything, your head would surely fly off your shoulders. You have to wrap gifts for your friends and family, pack your bag, clean your apartment, and put up decorations for the party you and your best friend are throwing for Christmas.

Deciding to surprise Javi, you get him a gift for Christmas. It’s a wool sweater you think will fit nicely and a beautiful, deep color that you figure will compliment his skin tone. You carefully put the sweater in a robe box, taping the sides shut and signing your name on the tag before putting it under the Christmas tree. You managed to put up the large tree by your lonesome and didn’t kill yourself doing it, so you considered it a win. After wrapping a few more gifts and stuffing them under your tree, you check the time. It’s a little past dinnertime, and you decide it’s probably best to finally pack your bag for tomorrow.

A melatonin gummy is definitely in your future so you can get some sleep, or else you’ll toss and turn in an anxious fit all night. After finishing up packing as lightly as you can muster, you settle into bed. When you wake in the morning, you get a text from an unknown number, which you assume is from Javi’s cell, letting you know he is getting on his flight. You almost quite literally jump out of bed before hitting the shower and getting ready. You take your time fixing your hair and makeup, picking out a cute but comfortable outfit for your 2-hour drive.

After getting your belongings and the gift inside your car, you shoot your best friend a text letting them know you’re leaving your apartment and that you’ll text when you get to the airport. Taking a few deep breaths, you crank your car and head off. You are deep in your thoughts the entire ride, not evening singing along to your music most of the time. What if Javi decides he isn’t impressed by what he sees? You try to push away your anxiety as you near the airport. Finding parking after circling around for a while, you hurry to grab the gift and go inside. It’s hectic, considering it’s five days until Christmas, but you get through TSA without a hitch. You find the coffee shop where you and Javi agreed to meet and sit at a table in the corner. You scroll through social media, trying not to panic. You text back and forth with your best friend for a while until you receive a message from Javi saying he’s landed. Suddenly, an icy, numbing nervousness runs through your veins. You take a deep breath and tell yourself it will be okay, and everything will be fine.

You decide to meet Javi at his gate and return to the coffee shop. Getting up from your seat, you shake yourself off a little before walking to the gate where Javi is to exit his flight. You aimlessly check your phone every five minutes out of anxiety. People start to leave from the corridor, dragging their carry-ons with them. Suddenly, you spot Javi walking out with the crowd, his face turned downward at his phone. When he looks up, he has to do a double-take when he sees you. You can’t help the grin that plasters your face.

“Hi,” Javi grins back as he approaches you, taking in your appearance fully for the first time, “Is it okay if I hug you?”

“You don't have to ask, silly,” you roll your eyes playfully, setting the gift by your feet before allowing Javi to pull you into him.

You wrap your arms around him, your nose buried in his shoulder. He’s dressed in his uniform, much to your delight, meaning you get to see how handsome he looks in person.

“Don’t tell me that’s for me,” Javi gives you a jokingly dissatisfied look when he pulls away from you, his eyes darting to the gift beside you.

“Would you kill me if it was?” you say, picking it up and handing it to him.

“Nah,” Javi waves you off, leaning down to dig in his carry-on for something, “Besides, I got you something, too.”

“Javi,” you drag out his name in annoyance, “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Of course I did. It’s Christmas,” Javi smiles, secretly enjoying how you say his name in person.

You both go to baggage claim and the coffee shop before opening your gifts. You and Javi match each others’ stride, your hands accidentally brushing against one another a few times. Finally, Javi decides to throw caution to the wind and grabs your hand, sliding his fingers between yours. You glance down before smiling at him, trying to hide how giddy you are from the simple gesture. When you arrive at the coffee shop, you sit in the same corner you were previously in and settle in your seats.

“So,” Javi slides his gift over to you, pulling his toward him, “What’d you get me?”

“Why don’t you open it and see?” you lean over the table in wait, your smile from earlier still not quite leaving your lips.

“That I will do,” Javi says, carefully opening his gift.

“This is a lovely color,” he pulls the sweater out and fully takes it in, “Very soft. You did a great job because I love sweaters.”

“I’m glad you love it,” you sink into your seat with relief.

“Now, open yours,” Javi pushes your gift in your direction with a single finger.

“Is it going to explode in my face?” you joke as you pull the wrapping off.

“I swear it won’t,” Javi laughs.

You open the box to reveal a beautiful necklace with your birthstone dangling from the chain.

“This looks expensive, Javi. Please tell me you didn’t spend an arm and a leg on this,” you gasp.

“No promises,” Javi shrugs, getting up from his seat and walking behind you, holding out a hand for the necklace, “May I?”

You gently place the jewelry into his palm, lifting your hair so Javi can put the necklace around your neck. His fingers brush your skin lightly as he clasps the chain successfully, “There we go.”

Javi sits and admires how the necklace falls onto your collarbone with a glimmer in his eyes, “Looks beautiful on you.”

You’re nearly this close to being on the floor, curled into an inconsolable ball. Instead of doing that, you cover your face in embarrassment.

“Gosh, thank you for the gift, Javi,” you move your hands from your face, “I wasn’t expecting something so stunning. I would’ve gotten you something slightly better if I had known.”

“You can’t sit here and tell me this wool sweater wasn’t pricey enough. It’s okay, you know. Besides, I like giving gifts I know someone will love; the price doesn’t matter.”

You sigh, shaking your head with a smile and resting your chin on your fist, “Whatever you say, Javi.”

Javi mimics your position but reaches his other hand out to wrap it around your wrist gently, “I love it when you say my name.”

You stare at each other momentarily, just taking each other in. It had been a year of wondering what Javi was like in person- how tall he was, how he smelled, how he carried himself. You realize he has a million freckles on his face that you never noticed in the photos he sent. Javi brushes his thumb over your pulse point, and you’re close to losing your composure. You’re both so wrapped up in drinking each other in that you nearly jump out of your skin when the barista calls someone’s name for their order.

You compose yourself, but Javi lightly chuckles at your facial expression.

“I’m super awkward sometimes, but you know that already,” you try to joke about the situation instead of dying of shyness.

“It’s okay, I think it’s cute.”

“You’re going to make me turn into a puddle if you don’t stop,” you cover your face again, the tips of your ears burning.

Javi just laughs again. You realize his laugh is better in person than over the phone.

Over your order of coffee and iced tea, you and Javi decide to have a proper dinner later on in the day. Both of you are pretty tired and would appreciate refreshing yourselves at your respective hotels first. You hold hands again while exiting the airport and offer Javi a ride to where he’s staying.

“It’s just a walk down the block. I’ll be fine.”

“But it’s cold,” you frown.

“I’ll live, I promise.” Javi pulls your head to his chest before planting a kiss on the top of it.

Your body grows warm at the endearing gesture, “See you later?’

“See you later,” Javi smiles before making his way out of the parking garage.

You immediately call your best friend when you get in the car and discuss how the initial meeting went while on your way to the hotel.

“Did you kiss?!” they squeal.

“Not yet,” you say, “I don’t expect anything to happen today. We held hands, though.”

“Spicy!” your best friend says, “Next thing you know, you’ll be having kids.”

“Will you ever be quiet?” you jokingly ask your best friend.

You take a well-needed nap after checking into the hotel, setting an alarm for an hour from the time you laid down. When you wake up, you notice it’s snowing outside. The place Javi wants to take you is a few blocks away from his and your hotels, and you figure you’ll enjoy the snow during your walk.

You fix your makeup a little and add some final touches here and there to your face and hair before deciding on one of the skirts you brought. A thick sweater and some tights are thrown with it, and you’re ready to go. Javi shoots you a message asking if you’re ready, and you respond quickly before leaving the hotel. The evening is pleasant, with the snow falling softly for the entire duration of your walk. When you arrive at the restaurant, Javi is waiting for you at the door, as handsome as ever in some black slacks, a dress shirt, and a heavy petticoat draped over his shoulders. He wraps an arm around you as you both enter the restaurant, where you’re immediately whisked away to a table with a nice view. Wine is ordered, and you take a moment to drink Javi in as he sits across from you. You nearly have to pinch yourself to believe this is real and actually happening.

“So,” you lean forward, hand tucked under your chin, “You never told me about your endeavors while in college. I’ve been dying to know about that storm chasing you brought up but never knew when to ask.”

Javi smiles, “Yes, it was a very wild time in my life. I don’t talk about it often. What did you want to know?”

“Why did you do it? Just curious.”

“Well, Javi clears his throat, “It was actually my best friend Kate’s idea. She had this big project that required extensive information about storms and tornadoes in particular.”

“Gotcha,” you lean back in your chair, “Ever see any scary storms?”

“We saw a few, but the scariest one was a five on the Fujita scale. It didn’t end very well for us,” Javi casts his eyes down.

“You don’t have to keep talking about it if you don’t want to,” you reach out your hand to put on top of Javi’s, sensing the topic is touchy.

“No, it’s something you need to know about me. So I’ll tell you,” he explains, “It was me, Kate, and three of our other friends, Addy, Praveen, and Jeb, working on the project together. We didn’t anticipate the tornado to be as strong as it got, and everyone but Kate and I ended up dying as a result of being caught in the storm.”

“I’m so sorry, Javi. That sounds scary and awful. I’m glad you made it through that,” you frown, and Javi meets your eyes for a moment.

“Sometimes I wonder why I’m one of the ones who survived. It bothered me a lot, so much that I decided to drop out of college and go into the military. I needed some stability in my life after that.”

“I understand,” you say, “We can talk about something else if you’d like. I know this is probably hard for you to think about.”

The rest of the evening is spent laughing over stories of Javi and his late friends and the ones he’s made in the military. You tell him wild stories of you and your best friend, some of which he couldn’t believe. After a few too many glasses of wine, the two of you decide to call it a night.

“I had a wonderful time,” you say as Javi hooks your arm with his, and the two of you leave the restaurant.

It’s still snowing lightly, and the temperature has dropped significantly. You pull your coat closer to your chest. Javi notices and opts to wrap his arm around you, pulling you into his side to warm you.

“I had a great time, too,” Javi grins.

He walks you to your hotel, and you thank him for dinner.

“Heading out in the morning?” you ask as the two of you stand outside the hotel entrance.

“Yes,” Javi says, his hands shoved into his coat pockets, “I’m seeing my aunt and uncle and then heading to Miami for my parents and sister.”

“That’s good,” you nod, “I am having a Christmas party with some friends and family in a few days, and I’m looking forward to it.”

“Sounds fun,” Javi says, and you notice the two of you don’t really want to depart quite yet, but you must.

“You should probably get back. It’s getting cold and late,” you nudge Javi’s arm with yours.

“Yeah, I should,” he trails off, his eyes not leaving yours.

For a moment, you stare into Javi’s eyes, taking in their color and the length of his eyelashes. Before you realize it, you’re both leaning in. Javi slides his hand up your neck to cup your face, his skin warm despite the freezing air. He guides your face to his, his eyes fluttering shut as he gently presses his lips to yours. Your eyes close, too, and you allow Javi to take control of the kiss. You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. When it’s time for air, you both pull away.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that,” Javi whispers, the corners of his mouth twitching into a smile.

“Same here,” you say, playing with the curls at the nape of Javi’s neck.

“I should get going,” Javi frowns, “But I will definitely keep in touch the best I can over the next few days.”

“Okay,” you say, “Enjoy your Christmas.”

Javi begins to walk away, and you turn to go inside your hotel. But then Javi pauses, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk.

“Wait, what are you doing New Year's Eve?” he asks, and you can’t help the grin that sneaks up on your face.

“Depends. What are you doing?”

“Anything with you.”

#javier rivera #javier rivera x reader #javir ivera #javi rivera x reader #javi x reader #javier “javi” rivera #javier “javi” rivera x reader #twisters #twisters 2024 #twisters movie #twisters fic #twisters fanfic #twisters x reader #anthony ramos #anthony ramos x reader #floralcyanide writes

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mattypattypinky · 3 months

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Can you maybe do some Anxiety x reader head cannons where the reader is comforting Anxiety about a strong thunderstorm? The reader's emotion would be Love or something like that but it doesn't matter. If you're too busy that's okay! :D

I'M GONNA FUCKING CRY THIS PROMPT IS SO CUTE HOW DID I MISS IT!!! as someone who is scared of thunderstorms i think ik what she'd be thinking of >:) I'm gonna write this as if Riley is also going thru a thunderstorm, since she seemed pretty ok w the brainstorm in the movie, so it'll be a real world storm in rileys home.

Reader comforting Anxiety through a storm <3

I think that she would be terrified of crisis happening.

She would overthink so many possibilities.

She'd be afraid of the power going out, and not coming back on for days...

"What if the power goes out, the fridge doesn't work, and all of our food goes bad, and we starve!!!"

"What if a tree falls on the house, and we have to go through another big move and lose all of our friends, and our bank goes down hill and we become extremely poor due to being forced to move, and our social life goes into the dirt-"

"What if the tree falls on us and we die? What if the tree falls on Mom or Dad and THEY die?!"

If she knows the storm is coming ahead-of time, she would try to get Riley as prepared as ever.

She would be the main-motivator for those people who stock-up on toilet-paper during hurricanes, just saying. She probably comes up with that idea. LMAO

She'd be convinced they need to stock up on food, water, and she might even worry that they should board or cover the windows, if the storm was said to be particularly bad.

Of course, for the most part - she's overreacting, overpreparing, and overthinking. But in her mind, her precautions are saving them from possible small, but stacking inconveniences. If we don't stack up on toilet paper we won't have anything in the bathrooms if someone needs to go, if we don't have water we'll go dehydrated because we can't drive to the store to get more in the storm, what if the faucet stops working? What if we run out of food??? etc.

She'd be the type of person to stress that you can't take a shower when it's storming so we have to take one before it storms! Which, really isn't that big of a deal, but she thinks it is. <3

Though, I think the best way to comfort her through a storm would be to distract her during it. As much as consoling and comforting her will make her smile, and telling her that her worries can be contradicted by likelihood being small,

It won't stop her from noticing the loud noises, or constant pitter-patter of the water screaming against our window.

You may need to do something with her to ease or distract her from her worries...

Such as offering up a board-game to play while it rains,

or a movie or show to watch,

Or sitting in the dark and telling stories together, you could sit close to her,

and cuddle with her, while watching your favorite, or her favorite movie, while gently holding her hand and rubbing circles in her palm with your thumb...

Or playing a rather intense game of UNO with the other emotions, to make it fun and upbeat, so she gets super distracted and has fun, and maybe barely notices the creaking and scratching of a small tree-branch at the window.

I think she'd jolt, or yelp, whenever there is a loud thunder-clap, or lightning strike by the window.

She would be the type to see the lightning, and count how long it takes to hear the thunder...

She would want to know how close it struck, and she would overthink and analyse each one she catches.

If it's storming for a particularly long period, she'd worry of flooding...

But you could compliment, and fluster her while you sit with her at her chair with a hot drink, and tell her a funny, or long story, so she can listen to your voice and laugh with you about small things that will pass the time away.

Maybe she might even fall asleep with you during the storm, once you've gotten her to stop focusing on how scary and threatening it is... The soft sounds of the rain, your breathing beside her, the comforting feeling of being besides you, the still, quiet... She'd be so comfortable. <3

#mattypattypinkyposts #anxiety headcannons #anxiety #anxiety x reader #anxiety inside out #inside out anxiety #anxiety inside out 2 #💡🌪️

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astoldbyaja · 12 days

Text

Balance - AU JJK - side plot # 8 - These Three Words

Toji says three words that could change their lives forever...

I love you. Please say you love me too. These three words, they could change our lives forever. And I promise you that we will always be together till the end of time…

Celine Dion

My fingers raked down Toji’s back as his hips pushed deep and slow into me. I cried into his shoulder as the deep sensations filled me body from my vagina onward. His grunts and moans rang into my ears with each movement, and I could feel my body vibrating from intense pleasure.

Toji holds me firmly down into the bed taking out all his feelings and stress from his earlier time at work. My walls stretch with each movement to fit him as if my vagina was molded perfectly for him.

“Nng- fuck!” he moans as his speed increases. I feel my stomach cramp hard as he keeps pounding away at my sweet spot. My head falls back against the pillow as a mixture of noises and words leave my lips. Tears stream down the side of my face from the intensity and I feel his mouth trailing hot kisses all over my sensitive skin.

“Fuck I’m gonna cum!” we both say in unison and we both look at each other and chuckle as our bodies were in perfect sync. Toji pounds away harder and faster and I hold on to him for dear life as I feel that delicious limit about to be hit.

“FUCK I LOVE YOU BEE!” he yells as he releases everything into me. My mind is a daze as I feel my orgasm hit me hard and I cry out from the overwhelming sensations. My walls vibrate heavily, sucking everything from his cock desperately. I raggedly cry out as I feel the intense high flood my brain. Toji collapses on the side of me, and we are both a sweaty and panting mess.

My brain is a fog as I feel how drenched my thighs were. But as that high calms down I realize what he said, and I looked at him, his face a panting mess. I had never heard those three words from him before and I was unsure of how I felt about it. Was this pillow talk, the heat of the moment that he himself will probably forget after his intense high comes down. Worry started to cloud me and as Toji gently opened his eyes to look at me his eyes showed concern.

“What’s wrong? I didn’t hurt you, did I?” he asked now looking over me for any bruises and I just shook my head.

“Why did you say that?” I asked lightly. Toji’s looked at me confused for a moment before realizing what I meant, and he winced.

“Oh, fuck was I not supposed to? Look it just slipped out-”

“Did you mean it?” I asked. He paused in his blabbering and looked at me with worry, before nodding.

“Of course I meant it. I am so fucking in love with you that the world could come crashing down around us and I wouldn’t care as long as you were in my arms. I’d rather live in your world than live without you mine.” he took my hands in his and placed them to his chest. I could feel his heartbeat against my palm. “I’m sorry if you felt this was too early but-”

“It wasn’t, I just didn’t want you to say anything during sex that you may not mean. Because it would mean something to me… because I love you too. I knew I loved you the day I jumped on Shiu to give you time to escape.”

I could see the emotions filling in his eyes at my words and he pulled me into him, our lips meeting passionately in a heated dance. Our heads slowly nuzzled together as he kept my hand to his chest.

“My heart only beats for you, Beatrice.” he said gently, and I smiled at his words and he pulled me close.

“And my heart only belongs to you, Toji.” I replied with peace and content.

----------

Side plot #9- Rampage - Bee is injured during a robbery so in Toji's mind everyone has to die.

Taglist

nousija

#jjk toji #blackfemoc #black female oc #tojixblackfemaleoc #jujutsu kaisen toji #JJK #Toji Fushiguro x blackfemaleOC #jjk smut #smut #toji smut

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eldritchcreatureofwords · 3 months

Text

So When are We Gonna Talk About-

How Ozzie was likely the 'blueblood prick' that confirmed/rammed home Blitz's bias and bigotry/classism towards higher ranking hellborn/signs? How, after the fire, when Fizz was healing and in the hospital, getting to know Ozzie who was getting to know (and fall in love with) him, he likely found out that the fire was set by a 'jealous prick' who 'just left him to die'? How Fizz, when he could speak and function again, was likely in pain and in tears, betrayed, completely and fully disabled, likely threw hate and vitriol and bitterness towards fucking Blitzo. How Ozzie, who does have issues with being over-protective and not always respecting boundaries ("lil sus, babe") likely took it upon himself to keep Fizzie 'safe' from the person who caused him stress and pain? Think about it. Consider this. Viewer bias, for one. We see Blitz and Fizz get into an actual fight- Ozzie, remember, hasn't actually seen this go down. So the moment where he tells Stolas 'no, my partner- business partner, FizzaRolli- hates your imp guy. Haaaatttes." is previously established knowledge.

Combine this with 'you've lived rent-free in Fizzie's head for years' and you start getting a picture painted. Blitzo has been nothing but a source of stress, pain, and anxiety for Fizzie for how long? Fizzie, who thinks, at least in some dark corner of his mind, that Blitz may have blown him up on purpose. Fizzie, who probably spilled that narrative over onto Ozzie, who painted Blitz in what was likely the worst light possible, probably right off the bat. Fizzie who had- and maybe still has?- bad pain days. Fizzie who struggles with anxiety and trauma. Fizzie who has psycho fucking fans. Is it such a stretch to think of Fizzie, angry, hurt, misreading the situation, twisting it in his mind, painting Blitz as a person to be avoided, mistrusted, disliked? Is it such a stretch to think of Blitz, kicked from his home, from the hospital, hurting, heartbroken, exhausted, guilty, alone for the first time ever, trying to find the one person he has left- his one friend. His best friend. Hell, the guy he's at least a little in love with, from that card and flower we saw. Finding him shacked up with a fucking sin. A sin that glowers at him, that crosses his arms and says he doesn't want to see you. In Blitz's mind, Ozzie is speaking for Fizzie. Ignoring what Blitz wants, what he says, and, in Blitz's mind, ignoring what Fizzie wants, as well. Acting as if he has full say in the situation, full control, like he can just dismiss Blitz because he's stronger, he's more important, he's bigger. Sound familiar?

Of course, we, the viewer, know that if this happened it's not because Ozzie is mean, or evil, or controlling, but because here is the person that hurt Fizzie, that Fizzies loathes, and he has the balls to show up here?

But Blitz has this magic ability to take everything the wrong way, too hard, and to heart. He doesn't want to see you. So, is it such a stretch to see Blitz doing what Blitz does when he's hurt? When he's sad and scared? Get angry. Snarl back. "You don't speak for him. You don't know him. You can't just toss me out." You can't just ignore me because I'm an imp. You can't just walk over me, talk over me. I'm hurt, too. I want my friend. But that just shows Ozzie that Fizzie was right. Blitz is angry, he's dangerous, he's got a shit attitude and he needs to get the fuck out of here. So Ozzie doesn't bother to stress Fizzie out with the truth- that he just had to throw out the one guy Fizzie has made it very clear he never wants to see again. (Even when, inside, Fizzie does want to see him, is desperately waiting for Blitz to show up, who may not even remember saying half the shit he said depending on how bad his pain was, on what medications or spells he was on/under.)

And that's how you end up with 'they told me I wasn't allowed to see you.' 'They never said you came to see me!' That's how you end up with 'Fuck you blue blood pricks, who just take what you want (my best friend, the guy I loved) and play with our feelings because we're smaller and less important.'

#helluvaboss #stolitz #fizzarozzi #blitzfizz #fizzarolli helluva boss #blitzø #helluva boss blitz #most of this is headcanon and theorizing of course #but y'know

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howlsofbloodhounds · 1 month

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Alright so the post about the idea of Delta being severely depressed and attempting su*cide by sneaking into a battle between the Stars and Nightmare, and tries to kill Nightmare by giving it his Whole Ass Everything has been living in my head rent free and makes me ask two questions.

1. If the "good ending" happened and everyone lived, how would Color and Epic react to Delta's attempt? (Especially knowing that Beta would have had to allow the body to die as well, meaning that the poor kid was ok with death?) How could they (Color and Epic) possibly attempt to cope with the fact that their best friend(s) was going to commit suicide and didn't want to tell anyone because they didn't want to be any more of a burden than they had to be, in their (Delta/Beta's) view?

2. If the "bad ending" happened, how would they react to his death?

(I was also thinking about how Zorox would be affected but then I decided it was too sad to put a dog through that lmao, so we're gonna leave him out of this one)

Zorox paws at delta’s bedroom door. sleeps in front of the door. will sleep on the bed if anyone opens the door, drags delta and beta’s old clothes out of the drawers and closet and whimpers when anyone tries to take them back (likely to clean them.) he whines all night at the closed door of delta’s workshop/garage.

whenever taken to their gravesites he just slumps down on the ground nearby and whines like hes been stabbed. He barks and panics whenever epic and color are gone too long and probably develops separation anxiety. he probably keeps trying to constantly linger around color and do specific things he only did for delta and beta (like lying on their lap or chest for deep pressure) and color suspects its because of the bravery soul he absorbed.

dogs cats and animals in general are said to be sensitive to the supernatural and the like. perhaps he sense the bits of colors bravery soul and its familiar.

can see a scene where zorox can sense epics pain and grief despite how epics constantly doing everything to pretend that hes not in as much pain as he is. hes constantly making his jokes and memes and trying to focus on avoiding the topic and changing the subject and avoiding sleep more often than not and forgetting to eat.

and zorox keeps doing his old alerts that he used to do for beta and delta for epic and color now and he keeps pushing and pushing epic to eat or sit or drink and color may be too simply because he shifted gears into full caretaker mode and is trying to avoid feeling the anguish—both his and epics—that he can feel building in his chest.

and I don’t maybe there’s a scene like from mockingjay, the one with Katniss and buttercup. This scene. with zorox and either color or epic.

as for if delta and beta survived (especially if they’re injured) I feel like colors gonna immediately turn on that therapist/mother henning instinct. i feel like hed be treating their injuries and hed have tears in his eye because the thought of how much pain they must’ve been in to make that decision, how he “didn’t notice,” is fucking painful.

and i feel like beta and delta are going to feel so guilty and ashamed and constantly avoiding looking color in the eye. (honestly i like to think that colors just the type of person no one really likes making or watching or listening to him cry (except for nightmare) especially delta and epic and beta.

especially not in this situation, where he could’ve lost two more friends to the likes of nightmare. fighting and struggling to save and protect killer from him was traumatic and stressful on its own. the thought of losing anyone else to nightmare is terrifying and makes him so angry.)

i feel like delta and beta might have an easier time meeting epics eye, if only because he has that ability to make people laugh. and because they dont have the added feeling of guilt of having made him cry (they did epic just knows how to hide it).

epic would probably try to hide any pain from this under a joke and a meme, expressing his worry and concern and care of course.

but i feel like he wouldn’t allow the two to see how deeply it effected him and colors probably the one who’s aware of it and holds him whenever he allows himself a cry or wants to have a serious talk about it. (please feel free to chime in and add more onto this i feel like my brain stuttered to a stop near the end 🙏)

(side note but do yall think killer would call color pretty and beautiful whenever he cries. and like when hes wiping away colors tears and probably nuzzles or kisses his cheeks. like hes a sadistic little freak would he find colors crying pretty in certain situations.)

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renatogpadilla · 5 months

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THOUGHTS ON CR3E92 IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

- FIRST EVER CR CROSSOVER EPISODE?!

LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

- Dariax said "This Flute doesn't play itself anymore." Doriax canon offscreen?

- "After all the handjobs, this is what we mean to you?!" Damn... I mean, I'm glad Opal and Cyrus found a way to relieve stress, Gods know they're both stressed, but damn.

- Ending the episode on Opal Twice-Crowned hitting phase 2 of the boss fight was EVIL!

I love it, @quiddie ! I feel like when this gets animated in a decade or so, we'll get this fight and the fight with Otohan Thull overlayed one on top of the other for a Season Finale or something!

- Raven Queen going two for two on Rogues turned Paladin! Which is great, but now I have to replan Morrighan's moveset for that imaginary Critical Role fighting game that only exists in my head (somebody ask me about it please, I NEED to talk about it!) but at least she gets some Smite options out of the Bunny Hop command jump!

- Dariax is a Bard now too! That's honestly so perfect for Matt! And the fact that both Sorcerers and Bards are Charisma Casters makes me feel like the Synergies are gonna be great!

- Oh, Dorian, wonderful blue king... That's a lot of strength that your Dice will never agree to let you use for anything cool. I missed you SO MUCH!

- Speaking of that imaginary CR fighting game, this just solidified Opal as a puppet character. The tag combos with Ted would be WILD! Think Kenshi from MK1!

- Fy'ra Rai... Just... FY'RA RAI! Gods, I've missed Anjali at the table! Her memory with Opal, her tug-of-war with her thoughts about her sister... THE LAVA WHIP! Nothing sexier than Monks! Except a pissed off Wizard or Druid.

- On the other side of the table, I LOVE the moment the girls all collectively remembered they had to break the news to Frida... Oh, that's gonna hurt BAD!

- Anyone else noticed that Ashton is BURNT OUT and laying on the ground after his Titan form wears off, but Fearne just says she's really tired and just KEEPS GOING? Ashton is DONE for now, but Fearne needs to keep moving forward... Fuck, I love these two.

- Orym... Just... Orym. If you take a level in Barbarian after this, I wouldn't blame you.

- Side-Note: This means Dorian DID get Orym's last message before they went to the moon! He just didn't/couldn't answer! Which means, through the static and everything, Dorian COULD hear Orym! And now he's probably gonna get this message once the battle is over... Jesus, if they get to Zephra and Keyleth went to the Lodge next to the lake that's gonna be a problem...

- Side-Note Side-Note: Anyone else hoping to GOD that Allura called the Nein to help? Cause Beau and Caleb were involved, but now it feels like an "All Hands on Deck" situation, and we could use Kingsley's small army of pirates right about now...

- So much happened this episode between the grieving and the flashbacks and the rolling for handjobs that I didn't have time to process the splinter cell of Xhorhasians that split their soul in twain until I woke up... Opal may have forgotten, but maybe Ted hasn't? Though if they're the same person, maybe they both forgot...

- Aabria, the corrupting of the Memories was FOUL, I LOVE IT!!!

- Somebody needs to tell Essek about the soul-splitters. In fact, let's get to that while we deal with Ashton too!

- IF OPAL DIES, AMY CAN COME OVER AS DENI$E! Like, I don't WANT her to die, but Westruun isn't that far... 👀

- I just realized this is the first ever FULL episode of CR without Sam at the table... Fuck, man, when it hurts it hurts. Glad Marisha brought back the fan.

"Forgot the Consonants?" "No Letters." OUCH, MISS RAY, WHAT THE FUCK?!

- Raven Queen Paladins hasting themselves first thing in the fight. Vax is back, and he's a Bunny Girl now!

- I like that the Crownkeepers are a two-way Overwatch reunion (McCree Cassidy and Symmetra) and a three-way Persona 5 reunion (Yusuke, Ann Futaba and Akechi).

- Everything was so fucked this episode that everything with Liliana got knocked to the background for me, THAT'S how good it was!

- The SECOND Evoroa said Ludinos was on Exandria I knew EXACTLY where he would be! Now we HAVE to get the Nein involved, right? Unless the bastard makes the city float again...

I cannot WAIT for the next episode! And if Sam brings a new character when all the groups are together, it would be SPECTACULAR! I'm guessing he's going to play one of the moon races, because that just sounds cool... Either that or Tary!

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psychelis-new · 2 years

Text

pick a pile: "Next positive change in your life"

take a breath and choose the photo/number that calls you the most to read about what may be a positive change (or maybe more than one) coming into your life. Seen that many of the recent pacs hinted at new starts and similar things, let's try to see if we can get a little more out of that news.

don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you.

(photos found on unsplash)

- ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ -

1 - 2 - 3

- ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ -

pile 1

You may be kinda used to spiralling down but you're going to spiral up soon. It's gonna differ for y'all, but things, or at least one thing, will change in the near future (could be even by the end of this year).

I feel you may receive a news about something new, or about something you have just started. It couls also be a positive feedback or an encouraging post you didn't expect to receive/see, and it'll help you change your perspective on many different thoughts and situations.

Some of you may have been trying to manifest this change for a while. It can be related to love life for many (probably a soulmate either romantic or platonic), but also school/career. Seeing no results may have made you doubt about yourself and everything around this matter, but let go of all this self doubting and stress. You're gonna start seeing things from a better point of view, and feel relieved soon. Love yourself and others around, be compassionate even with your thoughts. Your wishes are going to be granted. Be determined and keep going through your healing path. A cycle is ending, and for as much some things (triggers) may reappear in your life, you'll be ready to stand up and engage with them from a new and stronger point of view.

I can't see anything in particular, but I'm really excited for you, there's a lot of hype in this energy, like it's constantly moving around in anticipation. Be faithful. Whatever you're trying to bring into your life, especially if that comes from a place of self love and compassion, is gonna reach for you. Things are changing, you are changing. And it's for good. Allow this to happen, let your Guides help you out.

songs: die for you | the weeknd; like this | kelly rowland ft. eve

- ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ -

pile 2

The positive change is reallythat you're gonna feel more positive about yourself and your life. You may have been working on your throat chakra for a while (or will soon): being more open about your wishes and goals is going to help you visualize them and get to them with less effort. Also, if you feel an imbalance between what you think and what you feel, you are gonna change that soon. Be more aligned, and connected with your core self. You're gonna love yourself for real, for who you really are and be open about it. It feels so free, and so good. i'm so happy for you!

You are finally going to feel in control of your life and your decisions, and really enjoy what you have and be open to what the Universe is going to bring you. I see someone smiling under the light of the sun, feeling its warm rays inside of themselves, healing them. That's probably something you're called to do as well.

Just take the lead of your life, that's what you're here for. You're gonna be very abundant and happy. Transformations require time, so as manifestations, but you have plenty. Let Universe do its magic, let it flow inside of you. Be one with them.

You're gonna be more mindful about the people you'll let in in your life, this too will help you gain more abundance and respect by others. You gave a lot, now it's time for you to receive and allow yourself to receive (cause you deserve).

For whatever may come your way, remember you have a choice: you can dwell in self doubt and pain (and even people pleasing to the point of losing yourself) or you can stay strong and trust yourself and that you can afford it. Whatever it is that you've been through, I think you're gonna choose the second option soon.

("Nobody else's words can define you", from the song "You got it in you" by Banners. I love this song so much. Anyway, bonus song for you pile 2)

songs: love me harder | ariana grande; you are enough | sleeping at last

- ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ -

pile 3

I think you're gonna be more gentle with yourself. You'll take more care of you by eating and doing more exercises (maybe pick up running or start weekly routines of body care). Feels pretty good here. It's all so warm and tender. You literally deserve this care from yourself. "My body my temple" mood.

You may have tried to avoid changing, fearing it was going to be negative. Maybe past experiences haven't been so good and left a trace on your unconscious self and ego. But in fact, these only made you stronger and helped you be more compassionate with yourself too. You recognize your battles, all the difficult choices you had to make (and that you will still have to make in the future -one may come pretty soon, but nothing to worry about tbh), and now you're rewarding yourself with the attentions and the love you may have been missing or forgetting to give yourself before. You're gonna be more confident about your worth and abilities, and won't worry about what is coming cause you know you can afford anything. You've literally been through a lot, nothing can really scare you now. And you're going to welcome change now with a more open heart, looking at it as a chance to grow and make things better. You're looking at things in a brighter way, enjoying them more. And this will probably help you reach (and be reached by) more people too. For someone, also romantic love (and for some, could be an ex -or something like that, or a news related to your past/a trigger- trying to come back in your life too. I cannot give you an answer that can fit everyone's situation but remember your worth when dealing with them, and don't let them manipulate you into anything. Past is past, you're in the present. People change but often not the way we'd like).

Remember to be hopeful and to keep a quiet balanced mind. Always trust your heart and follow it. It knows better than your fears.

(As in pile 2, the song "You got it in you" by Banners could be for some of you too)

songs: the one | limp bizkit; youngblood | 5sos

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hannie-dul-set · 26 days

Note

May I respectfully request taerae pls☝️

[a way out, or a way further in]. kim taerae has been your friend since freshman orientation. your uni ride-or-die, if you will. and for the past year or so of being stuck with you in acads and extracurriculars, outings and group projects, he’s noticed three things about you: one, you’re a chronic overworker. two, you don’t give a shit about anything that doesn’t involve academic or professional gain.

and three—

“so, which one do you like?”

—you’re pretty popular amongst the members of the campus publication.

which is a grave concern, considering his first two observations about you.

“what?” there’s a rattle in your voice when you reply, abruptly pausing from opening the door to the publication office to present him a forced, strained, nervous laugh. “haha, what are you talking about?”

taerae looks at you straight in the eye with a deadpan stare. your smile falters, sweat dropping from your forehead. you can’t play dumb with him. the coffee you’re holding was from managing editor hao when you passed by him earlier. there’s a note from junior staffer gyuvin on the first page of your clipboard to meet him later. and when you open the door, there’s no doubt that you’d be greeted with a bouquet of flowers from illustrator ricky shen.

which is also one of the reasons why you’re so hesitant to walk in. he knows that you know that you can’t play dumb any longer, too.

“this is driving me crazy. i joined the publication to write articles, deliver news, and add one more credential to my CV. i didn’t sign up for this ouran high school host club bullshit.”

“then just reject them.”

admittedly, it’s very funny seeing you with your head in your hands— stressed and despairing while you’re surrounded by the cup of coffee from hao, the rose bouquet from ricky, and an additional stack of already copy-read papers from gunwook because he just “happened to have nothing to do.” your hair is a mess thanks to jiwoong. you’ve got an appointment with gyuvin in the afternoon and dinner with matthew in the evening. to top it all off hanbin offered to drive you home.

“how can i reject them when they haven’t even confessed?”

that’s true, taerae agrees with a hum. to add, you probably don’t want to ruin your work environment by breaking any of their hearts, so you have no other choice but to take the brunt of it all. “this’ll all be over if you just pick one, you know.” well, you had no other choice. “or, how about a different option?”

taerae presents you with a pretty tempting proposition, if he does say so himself.

“date me.”

that way, all the other boys are gonna behave once they think you’re taken.

send me a kpop boy (txt/enha/zb1/bnd/dream) to toss into reverse harem hell! [matthew]

#taerae shouldve been oriented with the consequences of fake dating.#it never ends well!!!!!!#blurb games #taerae x reader #kim taerae x reader #zb1 x reader #zerobaseone x reader #zb1 scenarios #zerobaseone scenarios #something about a bajillion obsessed men x one tired uninterested woman is just very great to me

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pyjamaart · 7 months

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A looming presence... (A piece of fan art for Episode 11 of the Christmas Comeback Crisis)

Read more for an essay on all the memes and references ;)

So here it is. Finally. Only one month too late: This piece of CCC fan art I've worked on since the episode came out.

Sorry for the delay, but I just started at my new job this week and it's been a little stressful, so I didn't have much time to work on this. But now it's finally here!!! I gotta say, the hardest part by far was the background, lol. I didn't mean for it to escalate that much. At the end I was honestly running out of memes to draw.

I bet we can all agree that episode 11 of the Christmas Comeback Crisis was so worth the wait, right???? My god. Peak entertainment. I still can't believe I'm getting all this awesome lore and music for free, feels kinda criminal.

I'm so invested in this story, it's unreal. I can't wait to see how it will end. I can already tell it's gonna be pretty emotional. (And not to alarm anyone, but I have a slight feeling that the Voice is not gonna make it out of this story arc alive. I mean, after everything he's done, it's safe to say that he kinda deserves it. Of course I really don't want him to die, cause that would mean…….. Woodman would also have to die??? Otherwise the Voice will just keep coming back again and again because Woodman is keeping his memory alive…….. Oh man wait a moment….. I don't even want to think about that. Forget I said anything about this.)

Anyway, let's talk about this piece of art for a moment.

In the foreground, we have our brave protagonists. I really really like how Nozomi turned out, so I decided to make her my new icon from now on. Don't get me wrong, I love my old icon, but it's kinda zoomed out and you can't really make out any details when it's really small. So Nozomi it is. Meta Knights sword was shockingly difficult to draw, especially because I had to figure out how to draw it when he's holding it at an angle like that. Otherwise, drawing him was actually one of the easiest things about this whole thing. His design is really just two circles with some arms and armor. Figuring out how the circle tool in Gimp works has never felt this good. (Kinda crazy I can just draw him like this now, considering how obsessed with him I was when I was about 12-13 years old. Back then you had to download official renders of your favorite characters onto your computer, then print them out and hang them on your walls all around your room. Yeah I've always been like this.) Drawing Santa was really fun too, just his right hand was a little difficult. But that's just because I still can't draw hands in general. Maybe I should practice drawing hands more. (Naaaaaah I'm just kidding, I'll never do that.) Now that I'm looking at him again, he's also longingly staring at President Haltmann in the background. Doomed yaoi fr.

Speaking of the background, let's talk about that next. There's obviously the title-giving "looming presence" the Voice. I had his hands completely in the background at first, but I thought it looked cooler when they were hanging threateningly around Santa's shoulders. (You may ask yourself, 'man these hands look kinda alright for my usual hand drawing standards', and that is because I traced over pictures of my own hands. I love "cheating" at art.) I also gave him his stupid little bow tie and the colored buttons on his suit sleeves. Not only is that kinda my trademark for drawing him at this point, it's also supposed to show, that under all the threats and the evil villain persona, he's just kind of a loser. A real (male equivalent of a) girlfailure. That's why I made sure that half of the things shown in the background are there to make fun of him a little. I love the Voice dearly, but that's just what felt right.

And now let's get to the actual main course of this essay. I probably spent half the time working on this on the freaking background. I'm just gonna start in the top left corner and then go down each column and explain what each of these mean or what they reference. (Since there are some quite obscure ones in there.)

Let's start with the two ponies in the very top left. They're actually ponysonas of Nozomi Tojo (left) and Takane Shijou (right). Nozomi is an earth pony and has a tarot card as her cutie mark, specifically the ace of cups. Takane on the other hand is a unicorn and has some musical notes as her cutie mark, which you can't really see. I don't know enough about the Idolmaster to think of something more meaningful for her, sorry. ;)

Under that are Susie Haltmann and her father, President Haltmann. They were (after Woodman) the first characters I wanted to draw into the background. Susie has this black bar covering her face, since she was never really there to begin with. The whole story line with her father wanting to bring her back was actually so freaking sad. And when the Voice killed him in episode 11 and that image of Susie flashed on screen as the last thing he saw before he died….. Oof……… That's also why I drew that cursor looming next to her "window" about to click on the closing button. Haltmann himself is also the only character in the background to actually leave his little window, wanting to reach his daughter. He's also glaring at the Voice for causing him all of this grief and anger in the first place with his false promises.

Then there's…. ahem, "Hot robots in your area". With drawings of a random unnamed robot and Mettaton from Undertale. Which the Voice has apparently bookmarked. This is just a head canon, but I like to think he has a thing for robots, lol. ;)

Oh and on the left next to that on the very first column is Simpleflips' logo. Shoutouts to Simpleflips indeed.

Onto the next column. At the very top is Haruka Amami (also from the Idolmaster), who played a pretty huge role in the CCC, especially in the latest episode. That moment at the very end where she saved Grand Dad from certain death was just fantastic. Absolutely goated scene. She's kinda pressing her face against the window she's trapped in. I hope you can even see that from far away, haha.

Under that is one of the more obscure references. It's from a King for Another Day video, specifically one titled "The Hobart Hootenanny - SiIvaGunner: King for Another Day". It's a slideshow made of beautiful Hobart pictures. One that struck me personally the most was a little family picture of Hobart and the rapper Eminem, who was also a contestant in the KfAD tournament, looking lovingly over their son sitting in a cradle. Eminem is seen saying "Our son is beutiful". A truly touching photograph indeed. In that same slideshow is also another scene of Hobart together with the Voice, but we'll talk about that one later.

The next one is a reference to the CCC side story "I wanna thank me" and shows a pie chart with the election results that were discussed in that episode. Under the pie chart itself is a little box containing all the different parties and showing their respective percentages. On the left is a poster for the "Poké Poké Literature Party", showing Monika's head with the words "Just vote Monika" at the top of the poster. The words (and Misha.) are scribbled on the bottom, lest we forget that she's not running this party alone. This side story was first featured in the Christmas Comeback Crisis Watchalong in 2020, which was actually the first time I watched the CCC in its entirety. It all went downhill from there. ;)

Then there's the Voice's… thing? Object? Weird apparatus where no one really knows what it does or what its purpose is? Every time we see the Voice sitting in his office, this thing is sitting on his desk right next to him. There's been loads of jokes about its purpose. They've all been made before. I'm not going to repeat them. Only the Voice himself truly knows what this thing does. Probably. Could just be a decorative piece of art.

Then we have something veeeery self indulgent on the next column. It's Aquaman from Megaman 8 (With a not so subtle skull right next to him). You should all know by now that I'm the founding father of the Aquawood ship. And I also have the head canon that Woodman and the Voice are very divorced. Interpret into this whatever you want.

Next to Aquaman is the internets' favorite panel from the web comic Tails Gets Trolled. I fucking love that comic. If you haven't read it in its entirety, I highly recommend doing it. (Though be warned that it contains some pretty heavy topics, many many slurs and a plethora of gore.) Okay, maybe I don't recommend reading it. (Just read it with all of that in mind.)

Under that is a personal favorite joke of mine. It's supposed to be Spotify, with a playlist open that I created some time ago. I called it "Die Pizza Playlist" (Remember that die in German is just "the") which I always listen to when I'm baking my own pizza. Highlights include "Pizza" by Antilopen Gang, "Pizza Heroes" by Lemon Demon (You can actually see the album art for Spirit Phone on the left of the playlist.), "Pizza Pizza Pizza" from the Ratatouille musical and so on and so on. The first song in the playlist is obviously "We like pizza" by the Pizza kids, which is even playing in the image. On the side are two more music artists, at the bottom is the image for the Veggie Tales soundtrack, which also featured a song called "Pizza Angel". And over that is Mitski. I just feel like the Voice would listen to her music. Do not question me on this.

The audience laughs at the funny 7.

On the Voice's left shoulder sits a single green bean. It's flashing you a cheeky grin and a peace sign. While I didn't intend for this to happen, I accidentally referenced my own Woodman birthday gallery art from two years ago, where the bean also sits atop the Voice's shoulder. I know that next to "Yankin'", the bean is one of the most hated memes on SiIva, but I think he's just a silly little guy! :D

Let's head on over to the next column. Seems like the Voice has an incoming call from one of his guards, but he's ignoring it as he has more important things to do, like hovering intimidatingly over Santa Claus.

Next to that window on the right are the Voice's messages. I almost wrote "messanges". That would have been embarrassing, thank god I caught that in time. This is also (yet again) a little self indulgent, since the Voice apparently has the last message he sent Woodman pinned to the very top of his messenger app. His big triangular head is blocking most of it, but since I'm the artist, I can tell you exactly what it says: "Please call me back", which was sent on February 1st 2023, the day "The Disappearance of Woodman" was released. Yeah, I'm still very upset, how could you tell? :( Under that is a message to his trusty pizza guy asking for a pizza with extra cheese.

Next we have two of my favorite memes on the SiIvagunner channel (My absolute favorite being "Funny budots", since I never wrote that down anywhere.), one being Frisk Undertale becoming uncanny and the other one being the goat. I don't really know how to describe the goat, but apparently it was crafted by the same artist who made the stoned fox that's also very popular online?? I may just be stupid, but I didn't know about that until I looked up a reference for the goat. Since it often appears alongside Undertale and Deltarune, many have made the assumption that this is what Asriel would look like in real life. That's why Flowey is there next to it with an equal sign. Whoever drew up that calculation wasn't really sure of their work, which is why they drew a question mark right next to it. Between Frisk and the goat is a little Soul, also from Undertale/Deltarune.

Onto the next column, where I'm dropping very subtle hints that a specific character in this image might like pizza. Or might even be a little obsessed with it. On the left is a list with the contact details of three well known pizza chains, on the very top is Sonic the Hedgehog who just recently became a brand ambassador for Totino's and on the bottom right of this section is a flyer for some kind of pizza sale.

The next window contains my favorite joke of any rip on the entire SiIvaGunner Youtube Channel. "Peepoona 5. Let us shart the pants." Just typing this out is making me die of laughter yet again. (The rip in question is "Our Beginning - Persona 5".) But as you all know, I am very into toilet humor. That's why Aquaman is one of my favorite robot masters. And why I'm such a big fan of Youtube Poop. And why I watch Minion fart gun religiously. But enough of that, you get what I'm trying to say. I love funny poop jokes. That's why this is here.

Oh man. This next one is why I wanted to write this very detailed essay in the first place. A reference so obscure, even I can't find its origin anymore. And believe me, I tried. Thankfully, I took a screenshot of the original comment thread this was based on. A user called "The New Guy" commented on a SiIvaGunner rip, something along the lines about how much they enjoyed this specific rip. At the time, the comment had 920 likes, so I'm guessing it must have been a pretty popular video. (The comment should also be about 4 years old now?) Anyway, under that comment, someone asks them what their profile picture was from. They simply answered "wagon", since that was exactly what their profile picture showed. Someone on the SiIvaGunner team must have found this exchange so funny that they commented "wagon" as well. And that's the origin of this joke. If anyone knows which rip this is from pleeeeaaaase tell me. I need to know.

I don't think I need to explain who the next guy is. Just the love of my life. I specifically drew Woodman in his getup from the Nuclear Winter Festival, since that was the last time he appeared on the channel. He's looking kinda concerned in the general direction of the viewer, for obvious reasons. And right under him is his trademarked >:] emoji.

And last but certainly not least, the final column! Now I finally get to talk about this other scene from the Hobart Hootenanny. It shows Hobart and the Voice having a romantic stroll at a beautiful beach, while the sun is slowly setting in the background, making the water shimmer with its breathtaking colors. Okay, the last thing didn't really happen, since it's a shitty MS Paint drawing, but I like to imagine it did. Maybe I should draw a remake of this image one day. Now I'd like to quote the video in question: "A man and Hobart were walking together on the beach. He looked back and saw that in his times of sadness and need, there was only one set of footprints. He asked Hobart why he would leave him in his time of most need. Hobart simply turned to the man and said, VVVVVRRRRR SRRRRR RRRRGGGHHHH--" (Thank you SiIva Wiki for the transcription.) Now I don't think I need to explain why I drew Hobart in a bikini top and fishnets. The question answers itself.

The next image is actually quite easy to explain. It's mm5charge and smol Maki. In another universe, Chargeman and Maki might have been integral to the SiIvaGunner lore. This specific image is just stolen from my piece of fan art called "Megaman 5 Brainrot (featuring Acidman)", which I posted in 2022. I still head canon that Megaman and Love Live take place in the same universe. Just because I think it's funny. And because I want to see funny robot masters interact with the girlies from Love Live. How do I explain this? It's like…. balancing out the world? The robot masters are almost all male (with a few exceptions) and the characters shown in Love Live are all female. How would Thanos say? "Perfectly balanced, as all things should be." Don't question my cool head canons, okay?

After that we have a poster featuring the Jazz Cats! I really really love the little animations that showed their backstory when KfAD2 first came out. I don't know if it's okay for me to say this, but I also really really enjoy the song "But Not You" written (in universe) by Doge and Naxx. The text is veeeeeeery questionable, but man, does it sound good regardless… And shoutouts to wolfman1405 for the heavenly vocals.

On the right of that is a missing poster for Wade L.D.. Nothing much to explain here I guess.

Left of that is the Voices shopping list, which lists flour, oil, yeast… Wait a minute…. All of these are ingredients for pizza dough! Guys, I'm beginning to think that this guy might like pizza.

On the very bottom of this column is Mario 7 Grand Dad himself, who has his hostile gaze directed at the Voice. I would be pissed off too if someone kept me locked in a glass tube for 7 years.

The last little window just shows the Vineshroom with the words "fecal funny" written under it.

And with that, it is done. The entire background thoroughly explained. (I may have gone a little overboard this time.)

It's been a while since I posted new art, huh? In the meantime, a lot has happened. As I said before, I started a new job, got a tattoo of Woodman on my leg (best idea I've ever had btw) and I also started watching MLP, which explains the Love Live / Idolmaster ponysonas, lol.

And that's all I wanted to say. I hope that the next piece of art isn't that far off. Jenny out. (I think this might have been the longest essay I've ever written here. I'm so sorry. By which I mean, I'm not sorry at all. I'm not forcing anyone to read this.)

#welp im one month too late #but better late than never #i put my giant ass essay under the read more this time #open with caution its extremely fucking long because i got a little carried away #siivagunner #the voice inside your head #santa claus #nozomi tojo #smol nozomi #meta knight #president haltmann #susie haltmann #thats it im not tagging all of these guys #christmas comeback crisis #if you saw this posted to the wrong blog no you didnt #jumpscaring kirby fans with siivagunner art is my favorite hobby

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nerdthatsiriuslylovesteaxx · 5 months

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Helpless part 43, however much we fear the truth we must face it

Hi, I guess I'm doing this now...? Will gave it to me with the second Heartstopper book, I don't really know what I'm doing but I guess I'm meant to write down my thoughts sooooo..... I hate myself, I wish I was dead, I'm a freak, I can't even fucking eat for fucks sake what the fuck is wrong with me, the only good part if my life right now is Will an he's bound to leave soon enough. Fuck I wish I had a fag on me but I already know I won't get away with that in the infirmary, it's not that bad but it makes me feel so fucking useless, maybe if I shadow travelled back to my cabin I could get some, Will would fucking murder me but I might do it.

Here is a list of reasons I hate myself because that seems fucking productive:

1. I'm a fag that deserves to burn in Hell

2. I'm dependent on drugs before I can drive (legally)

3. I can't fucking eat like a normal fucking person

4. I hurt everyone I touch

5. I'm a fucking twig

6. I can't even use my fucking powers now that's how pathetic I've gotten

7. I'm a freak

8. I nearly betrayed everyone

9. I'm a shit brother to Hazel

10. I managed to make my own sister hate me

11. I'm a demigod

12. I can't just be fucking happy for once

13. I over think every fucking thing

14. I need my fucking mouth washed out with soap

15. The Catholic Church

I could say more but I don't think I have time for that, I'm gonna go and think about how I can kill myself while locked up in this place

Fuck is my only thought right now, kill me (PLEASE)

Bianca, mi dispiace, mi dispiace di essere quella di cui hai sempre dovuto prenderti cura, quella che hai praticamente cresciuto solo per riaverla. Vorrei essere morto al posto di te, ogni singolo giorno lo vorrei, vorrei poter essere buono come un fratello maggiore che eri per me per Hazel. Vorrei non essere una fottuta delusione, vorrei che tu non dovessi unirti alla Caccia per allontanarti da me. Spero che ti sia piaciuto essere rinato. Mi dispiace tanto per tutto.

Putain, je n’ai pas écrit en français depuis un certain temps, alors voyons si je me souviens encore comment le faire, si mon orthographe est décente, c’est seulement parce que j’ai passé environ une heure à écrire ces conneries, donc vous devriez toujours être déçu. Qu’est-ce que j’écris ? Aucune putain d’idée, mais j’ai déjà lu Heartstopper trois fois aujourd’hui et je pense que c’est trop gay, même pour moi, de le lire plus que cela en moins de cinq heures. Kayla est venue avec de la nourriture plus tôt, aucune idée de l’endroit où se trouve Will et je n’ai toujours pas mangé de merde parce que c’est à quel point je suis inutile.

I really wish I had a smoke right now, but I know I can't, I feel so fucking stressed for too many fucking reasons and my heads been pounding for hours, Kayla gave me a panadol a few hours ago but that did fucking nothing so yeah struggling to not hit my head repeatedly on a wall out of pain. I don't know why but I can't stop thinking about those nights when I was what, twelve? Probably because of the nightmares, I'm fucking useless aren't I? I couldn't even stop it from happening to Hazel, I'm fucking pathetic. Gods I can't wait to get out of this place, I love Will but I don't know how much longer I can take of this place. The bright lights shining into your eyes so much it gives you a headache, the scent of rubbing alcohol filling the room, the plain white walls that feel trapping, everything feels wrong. I know why I'm here, no one trust's me alone, the part they forgot to mention is that I'd be better off dead. I already know Leo, Piper and Jason talked shit about me on the Argo II, I know they all wanted to leave me in that jar, I know that to Percy and Annabeth I'm nothing more than a burden, I fucking hate myself and so do they so why can't they just let me fucking die?

***

_______

Guys the bold means it’s written, was gonna do underline but that doesn’t work in tumblr xx

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skylarsblue · 2 years

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May I make a request for an age regressed reader who really wants Bo Sinclair to watch MLP with them?

Or did I already send this? I don't know. ;-;

(I’m gonna assume this is Gen 4 because that’s the best one (fight me). Also, first age regression request! FLUFF TIME)

❀Bo w/ A Regressed MLP-Fan Reader❀

✧Age Regression; AGE REGRESSION IS NOT A KINK I DON'T WANNA HEAR ANY ARGUMENTS. It's cute and y'all need to accept it.✧ ❤Fluff, no cursing this time, hard opinions on fictional ponies, GN!Reader, a singular mention of a kink but it's just some silliness, reader briefly implied to have long hair but it's barely there❤

Age regression is a pretty niche thing to talk about, even more so back in the early 2000s. Gonna be real, bub, he's not gonna have any clue what you're talking about if you bring it up.

Seeing you regressed probably first happens as an accident, a stressful situation became too much and you just started acting differently. He wouldn't get it, watching you grow subtly more clingy and quiet, timid almost. He'd be concerned but he wouldn't ask questions at the time.

Assuming you brought it up later, he'd need you to explain it in at least three different ways, honestly. He's never personally experienced something like that(he thinks so anyway), which makes it hard for him to understand.

"Your brain just...makes you act like a kid sometimes? Why?" "Because my childhood was trash and it wants to find a way to cope. Being an adult is stressful, Bo." "...You got a point there."

After he's grown to understand it, he won't have any problems with it. Oddly enough, he'll slowly start to find it cathartic for himself. He'll find himself getting a lil dopamine boost whenever he starts noticing you doing something that signals you're teetering.

Won't indulge you in front of his brothers unless his brothers start to act kind of caregiver-ish. Bo don't share.

You will absolutely ruin the daddy kink for him. He can't hear the word in that context anymore and it makes him cringe when he does.

Bo doesn't like cartoons, he never really has. He's never really been a TV person in general, it tends to serve as background noise whenever he's doing something else. But he does have a habit of saying he won't be watching the show you're watching, then he'll just stand behind the couch, forgetting the task he was about to start.

Will probably tease you for liking My Little Pony, I'm not gonna lie. Nothing too mean though! He just likes making you all pouty.

He's gonna roll his eyes and cringe when you ask him to watch it with you. He's a grown man! He doesn't have any business watching a "little girl's show". But he's got a soft spot in that charcoal heart of his, so eventually, he'll cave. But he's gonna complain!

He'll probably scoff and act like the show is killing his brain cells at first, but he's an idiot because he gets so invested. (Magic of Friendship boi)

His favorite is Apple Jack. I think that should be a given. He doesn't like Celestia though, feels a little too connected to Luna and he holds a grudge.

He starts to whistle the tune to the songs in his free time. He'll lose his mind and die on the inside if anyone points it out, because he's not doing it subconsciously. Except you. If you start singing to his whistling he's gonna just smile, cause he's a SAP.

"Bab Seed Bab Seed, what we gonna do-" "A bully on our tail gotta r- Oh son of a-" "YES! YES YOU KNOW THE WORDS!" "You hush your mouth."

When there are big villains in episodes he gets super into it. He acted personally offended when Discord made the Main 6 reverse their talents.

He did laugh when Chrysalis zapped Celestia but then immediately got upset when the other princess were affected.

Definitely had the song from Chrysalis pretending she was Princess Cadance stuck in his head for like, a month.

WILL buy you the toys but you gotta keep them in your room, he'll keel over in embarrassment if someone sees little pony figures on his shelves without the context.

He's kinda stingy about sharing you when you're small, but he'll allow his brothers to watch the show with you two if they want. Vincent probably likes the music, but he's not super into it. Lester might get more into it than you, actually, he likes pretty colors.

Vincent's favorite would be Twilight & Lester's would be a tie between Fluttershy & Pinkie Pie.

Once a group of tourists came into town in the middle of a long Two-Part episode and he missed most of it, so he drove into the city and just bought the CD of the entire season. FOR YOU, of course, TOTALLY NOT FOR HIM-

The TV was bright in the overall dim household, speakers turned up to allow the sounds of the cartoon to fill the room. The noise was coupled with the sound of crunching Goldfish crackers between your teeth, eyes tuned into the screen as calloused fingers worked through your hair. "Oi, eat your fruit too. Can't live off Goldfish." Bo said softly, nudging your leg with his boot. You were sat on the floor in front of him, between his legs, whilst he messed with your hair. You let out a little huff but grabbed the pastel bowl on the coffee table, poking a fork into some strawberries. You looked over your shoulder as you ate one, awaiting praise. "That's better." Bo mumbled, patting your shoulder.

You turned back to the screen, watching the group talk about Fluttershy's "stare". With a little hum to catch his attention, Bo looked down, waiting for your words. "Who's your favorite?" You asked softly, voice picked up in pitch slightly. Bo rose an eyebrow and glanced at the screen. "Apple Jack, she's the only cool one." He said, unable to stop the smirk as you gasped. "Fluttershy's cool!" You insisted, turning to face him. "She's a wuss-puss, doll. Not cool." He taunted, chuckling as you tossed a pillow in his face. "Don't hate the messenger! I'm just saying the truth!" He chuckled as you smacked him with the pillow again, which he blocked with ease, snickering as you settled into his lap with a pout. "You take that back!" He held his hands up in a faux surrender position. "Alright alright, they're all cool. How about that?"

Your gaze narrowed suspiciously at him, slowly lowering the pillow back onto the couch. "Mmm okaaay-" "Except Fluttershy." Bo laughed again as your mouth dropped open in offense, blocking your hands from getting the pillow once more. Left without your weapon, he squeezed you tightly, leaving you unable to use your arms. "You traitor! Bully!" The man snickered as you fought against his strength valiantly, only to dramatically give up a minute later. "I'm too tired now. I'm sorry Fluttershy, I've failed you." You mumbled with a tiny frown. Bo rested his chin on top of your head with a chuckle. "I'm sure she'd appreciate your efforts, doll. Now finish your fruit, took me forever to cut'em into shapes, ya know." He said, grabbing the bowl. You hummed and tapped your chin as if you were debating, looking at the ceiling in thought. "My hands don't work." You said suddenly, dropping your hands into your lap.

Bo rose an eyebrow and tilted his head. "Oh they don't, do they?" He asked, watching you shake your head. "Nope, they don't work." You insisted. The brunet clicked his tongue and gave a somber sigh, putting a piece of fruit on the fork. "Such a shame." He said with an eyeroll, holding the fork to your mouth. You took the fruit and nodded intensely. "'S a shame!" You slurred, whining when he pinched your nose. "Don't talk wit'cha mouth full." He said, moving his head so yours could rest against his shoulder, getting another piece of fruit on the fork for himself this time. He looked back at the episode and narrowed his gaze. "...the hell is a cockatrice?" You laughed and shook your head, taking another strawberry off the fork. "You'll see, and it'll prove Fluttershy is the coolest!"

"Mhm, sure, whatever ya say lil' one."

#bo house of wax #fluttershy was the coolest #bo sinclair x reader #bo sinclair #bo sinclair x you #slasher x reader #slasher memes #slasher headcanons #slasher #slasher community #slashers x reader #slasher x gender neutral reader #age regression #house of wax 2005 #house of wax #lester sinclair #vincent sinclair

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irbcallmefynn · 9 months

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Pinned Post for 2024!

A new year calls for a new pinned! Hi! I'm Fynn (you can also call me Fynni if you want)!

https://pronouns.cc/@irbcallmefynn <My Pronouns Page Furry, artist, autism+adhd+ocd+chronic anxiety (undiagnosed) so bear with me. I'm 20, so I reserve the right to be a freak! Despite that, this blog should be safe. I do have an 18+ sideblog but I don't wanna tag it here. I will tag things to the best of my ability when needed. If I have tagged something wrong, or forgot to tag something, Please Let Me Know. Send an ask or a message or something.

DNI lists don't really work. If I don't wanna see you here I'm just gonna block you.

I'd be careful if you're a minor. I tend to tag things as "#suggestive" fairly well, so block that if you don't wanna see that stuff and you should be fine. Especially since I have a separate 18+ blog now. If I do slip up and either forget to tag something or accidentally reblog something to or from the wrong account please let me know so I can fix it!

I'm Sex Repulsed (I do experience sexual attraction, but actual sex grosses me out), Polyamorous and Demiromantic (taken x2: @ricochete29 & @0rionslay <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 )

I'm Therian to some degree. I know I'm not a wolf or mantis or anything. Never have been. But I really wish I was anything other than a human. So Therian it is! I'm also Plushie-kin and Program-kin. Just feel like there's a lot in common between plushies and what I want to be like, and the dependence betwern programs and the machines they're on is my ideal type of relationship. I'm also Alterhuman, Please refer to me as a wolf or dog or puppy or bug or plushie it makes me happy :3 you can find my kinlist thing here

I try and stay out of politics, but sometimes I've gotta say something. So keep that in mind. If a political topic stresses me out to see constantly, I will block the tags/content. I am the master of my online experience, so if I'm seemingly ignoring a major political topic, it's probably because I don't want to stress myself out with it constantly.

I have three main OCs: Fynn (not to be confused with me. I took his name :3) is a he/him half demon wolf thing who magicked his mouth off and is basically the mascot of the blog. Nauno is a he/they avali and is extremely gay and very kleptomaniac and I love them. Euphi is a she/heart protogen that happens to be immortal for some reason. Click on their names to see their reference sheets! Click here for a link to the lore doc all about them and the world of Cosme! And click here for my truesona's ref sheet(s)!

And now, some tags. "#fynn art" is for all of my art things. Pictures mainly, little bits of music here and there maybe. "#oc lore" is for when I talk about the lore of my ocs (or worldbuilding for them). "#bedposting" is something I do every night, just kinda whatever's on my mind before bed (may be very weird so heads up). "#art rb" is just for when I reblog art, if I keysmashed a whole bunch in another tag it means I really love it :3. "#transfur" is for any furry transformation stuff cause I like that in sfw ways here. "#reblog forcing" is a tag I will use if I decide to reblog something that other people are aggressively trying to make people reblog by saying things like "You have to reblog this" or "Reblog this every time you see it" (stop doing this shit please, a lot of people have anxiety about these sorts of things).

FAQ (frequently-ish asked questions):

Do you take Commissions? No, and I currently have no plans to. I don't want to make money off of my art. I create for the sake of creating, not for fame or fortune. Unfortunately, capitalism means I need to make money or I will Fucking Die. So maybe some day I'll open icon commissions or something. I don't have any means of giving or accepting money online anyways, so that's not a possibility.

What does the IRB stand for? My real initials. My legal first, middle, and last name. It's a force of habit. If/When I get my legal name changed I will change the blog name.

Thanks for taking the time to read my pinned! Assuming you actually read it and didn't just scroll to the bottom. Regardless, I hope you have a nice day!

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priestly-prince · 4 months

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hiya 👋 so I basically consider you like, The faith guy, because you seem to be really good at analyzing the characters and story. with that in mind, I want your feedback on a question, but it's about a sensitive topic, so please prioritize your own well-being and don't answer if you're not comfortable doing so.

my question is, do you think John would ever self-harm in any way? it's clear that he struggles emotionally, and I feel like it might be something he would give into doing given how much pressure he's under during the events of the game. that and the whole straitjacket thing- usually patients are only restrained like that if they're an active danger to themselves or others

again, if this isn't something you're comfortable answering, I won't be at all offended if you just delete it and move on. have a great day <3

Oh my gosh, well hi! Thank you so much, I appreciate that. That means a lot, especially given how disconnected I feel to the rest of the fandom. But yeah, FAITH has been my hyperfixation for the past 2 years or so, so I'm kinda down with the brainrot.

This is me.

Anyway, to answer the question, I'm gonna land on a solid maybe, heavily leaning into probably. The damnatio memorae ending has John all but say that he believes he deserves to die, so I certainly believe he at least has thoughts of suicide, and that ending might well be a metaphor for him doing so. (The thought being that he took his life in the spare room, and everything else was a dying dream).

For actual self harm, possibly. In Yale, he was restrained I think primarily because he was a danger to others. The murderer ending in chapter I mentions him becoming erratic and aggressive, so there is evidence for him becoming hostile when stressed. As for a danger to himself, I have a theory that just hit me now when thinking about this. While restrained in his cell, if the vision from the Unholy Spirit is to be considered accurate, we see that the walls of his cell are covered with crosses. But I always kinda wondered how. There's no way they're going to let someone restrained, in a padded cell, have access to paint or pens or pencils, as they're hazardous to the safety of an unstable person. So the idea that just came to me is that the crosses aren't paint or ink... They're blood. As to why they're bright blue, it's to signify that it is John's blood specifically. (I know this theory breaks down when we see that John's blood is normal under other circumstances, but I'm calling symbolism. Also it's just a dumb theory idea that came to me now.) But yeah, it's possible he could have chewed his fingers till they bled, painted on the walls, and then got restrained to stop him from doing that.

Now, outside of that, when released and returned to society, is when it becomes more or a maybe. I don't see him doing anything that might leave marks or scar, or draw blood. I think he places a lot of importance on how he's perceived, and his public image so to speak, and so wouldn't want anything like that colouring people's perception of him. But, there are other forms of self harm that don't leave permanent scars. So it's possible that he could at least inflict pain on himself in that way.

Also, a couple of people have mentioned that he may well use smoking as a form of self-harm. Especially with him having dormant asthma. Perhaps there is part of him that hopes to relapse and cause an attack. Perhaps an accidental form of suicide without out actually committing to it himself.

But yeah, overall a maybe, but I can see how it might be likely.

#faith the unholy trinity #john ward #personal theories #disclaimer: opinions #tw: self harm #tw: suicide

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formerly-wraith-caller · 8 months

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Rogier is a character that we meet early on in game, and probably one many of us think on fondly as he is perhaps the first NPC to help us out with one of our toughest battles. His pleasant and friendly demeanor left many players with the impression of a cheerful ray of sunshine in an otherwise melancholic, dreary, duplicitous, or outright hostile cast of characters.

This post seeks to disabuse you of that notion. "Wraith, you dumb bitch," I hear the doubters and the critics say, "not everything needs to be miserable and secretly tragic." And to you I say, welcome to FromSoftware, where yes, everyone dies and it hurts the whole time they're doing it.

🚨Spoilers Ahead🚨

I. A quick recap

The first place you can encounter Rogier is at a summons sign just outside Margit's boss fight. From there, you will meet him again in Stormveil at a church where he is one of a few NPCs that can't be killed. There is cut dialog of him reacting to a player attack, but in game, he's untouchable for some reason. I can only guess at why - perhaps since he is part of two different major storylines, the devs wanted you to be sure to hear what he has to say. After this meeting, you'll see him again at the Roundtable Hold. If you interact with him, he'll urge you to seek out Ranni, he'll tell you a bit about himself and why he's seeking her cursemark, a bit about D, and expound on some history of the Lands Between's most fateful night. Additionally, interacting with a specific bloodstain near the corpse will show you Rogier being deathblighted. Soon after entering Ranni's service, he will die.

II. Detachment and its implications Throughout his questline, Rogier maintains a mostly approachable demeanor. I say mostly, because the initial meeting is a little more standoffish and cautious, which is to be expected when infiltrating the castle of a Tarnished-butchering madman. In fact, Rogier takes a pretty sarcastic tone with us when he says

This place is bristling with Tarnished hunters, you know. They sacrifice our kind, for grafting. Not exactly a place I'd stroll into without a purpose in mind...

and a bit pessimistic/negative when he says

You can see it then, I take it? The guidance of grace. Well, enjoy it while you can.

This is primarily relevant as a counter to the assumption that he is a perfectly cheerful and perpetually friendly guy. Now, all this is not to say Rogier isn't friendly. He is, very much so. But I am of the mind that this isn’t due to any genuine, innate warmth. I do think Rogier is kind-hearted and compassionate, that he does want for friendship, that he is not secretly scheming against us. Instead I think that he is something of a people-pleaser, a liar, a bit of a manipulator, and that this is not done maliciously but as a sort of trauma response to his past.

"Dear god wraith," I hear you say, "not everyone is secretly traumatized." And I agree! But Rogier almost certainly is, and here's why. From his set:

Rogier spent his entire life behaving with utter detachment. No one noticed the anger, grief, regret, or fear that existed along with it.

Get very familiar with that description, because it's gonna be doing a lot of the heavy lifting in this post. So let's figure this out first: what is detachment and what does that have to do with trauma?

Emotional detachment refers to being disconnected or disengaged from the feelings of other people.

This can involve an inability or an unwillingness to get involved in the emotional lives of other people.

Emotional detachment can sometimes occur as a coping mechanism when people are faced with stressful or difficult situations. In other cases, it can be a symptom of a mental health condition.

Some things which may cause emotional detachment are abuse, neglect, trauma, mental illness, or certain medications. We can probably scratch out that last one, but the rest are all potential explanations. Given that Rogier's set specifies he has lived with this detachment “his entire life", I am inclined to believe that whatever adverse situation he was faced with, it began/occurred in childhood. It could have been abusive/neglectful parenting, some sort of violent/traumatic event he witnessed or was involved in as a kid, or the death of a close loved one such as a sibling or parent. Whatever it was, it was something formative that shaped who he is. How does this "utter detachment" manifest in Rogier's behavior throughout the game? After all, he seems perfectly friendly, and stays upbeat even as he's inching his way towards death! But that's just further evidence of his issues. At no point does he express any of this “anger, grief, regret, or fear” mentioned in his set, even as he’s dying in front of us. If anything, he brushes it off. You'd think someone who is slowly watching their body succumb to what the game itself refers to as a “gruesome fate” would have a bit of a stronger reaction. But no, in fact, he apologizes to us, a person he barely knows, about not being able to stand to greet us, saying:

I apologize for any offence given by my bearing, but I'm quite unable to move, you see. So. What do you need?

There’s also cut content which seems to be part of an encounter at Godwyn’s corpse wherein we meet a freshly injured Rogier. And here he has the same apologetic behavior in spite of his injuries, saying:

Well, this is a bit embarrassing, but things did not go quite as expected.

Not only does he give this astounding underreaction to having been impaled and blighted by deathroot, he doesn’t ask for any help, and is sooner moved to shame than terror over his deadly predicament. He deflects immediately to talk of his research, and informs us of how he’ll be returning to the Roundtable Hold. This is where we begin to see not just his lack of an emotional response to his own problems, but also a degree of people-pleasing behavior. It isn't enough for him to apologize for this imagined offense he's committed, he quickly turns the conversation away from himself. He doesn't doesn't seek out help, or even a little companionship in spite of the absolute horror he's been afflicted with. No, he instead asks after our needs, and continues to offer us lessons in sorcery and history.

The lack of reaction to whatever miseries befall him is seen throughout the rest of our interactions with him. The closest he gets to lamenting his fate is to warn us of Godwyn's corpse:

And...that thing is to blame for the shape I'm in now... I urge the utmost caution. Don't disturb the corpse more than necessary...

And that’s not what he starts off with when we ask him about the corpse, which you would think someone would do when having been injected with death by it. No, he delves into a history lecture instead, once again redirecting from the personal/emotional to the abstract/intellectual. His dialog is almost entirely comprised of his scholarly endeavors, which he has no issues discussing with us. We learn precious, precious little about Rogier himself, but those little bits which slip through paint a less than happy picture.

Take for instance the line, “I once wished to become a scholar.” He mentions spending hours in the archives doing research. What makes him think he isn’t one already? What made him give up on that goal, or stood between him and achieving it when he has shown such tenacity in the pursuit of answers? Remember the cut dialog mentioned in the recap, which would have played if he were slain by the Tarnished? He says on his death:

This is unfortunate. Couldn’t change a thing…

A bit of a reserved response to being murdered if you ask me! Instead of threats or rage, he laments his own inability to change anything, betraying a sense of dissatisfaction with himself. Then of course there is his split with D, who refers to him as “piteous”, and Fia’s mentioning of Rogier weeping when in bed with her. I wish I could say more on this, but essentially everything else Rogier says is about his research, not himself.

These things come together to form a picture of a person who may think very little of themselves. I’d even go so far as to call it self-loathing. We have the anger, grief, regret, and fear mentioned by his set, his disinterest in his own emotional state, his readiness to be of service to others, his desire to be pleasing rather than himself(he’d rather lie to D than upset him). We have his detachment, a coping mechanism indicative of some early trauma. And we have one of a few instances of naked emotion from him in his reaction to being killed by the player. It is not of anger at being betrayed by one of his own kind, it’s not fear or sadness for his own end. It’s frustration, it’s agitation, it’s disappointment, and it is directed entirely at himself for being unable to make a difference. Even if we don’t want to call it self-loathing, these are hardly the signs of a well-adjusted person. Those are hard to come by in The Lands Between, after all.

III. Speculation on the past

So what made Rogier this way? We’re unlikely to ever know, but I’ll throw out my two cents. Let’s look at Rogier’s gear. It’s described as being “graced with an intricate, aristocratic decoration”. His rapier bears a similar description, stating it is “of superior quality, featuring intricate ornamentation”. Taken together, we can reasonably assume that Rogier doesn’t come from an impoverished background. He wears fine clothes, wields a fancy sword, and does not appear to have the backing of any particular faction to finance or supply this. It’s likely Rogier comes from either an aristocratic, or even noble, background. The desire to pursue scholarship, rather than any mention of a life of menial labor, also points in this direction, as does his well-spoken and polite behavior, and his decorum even in the face of his own death.

Which group in the game is comprised of aristocratic sorcerers? The Carians. How does the game commonly indicate associations with certain clans among characters? By use of the first initial in a character’s name. All of Marika’s and Godfrey’s descendants begin with the letters ‘M’ or ‘G’. And Rennala’s with the letter ‘R’. We see this with other NPCs we meet, like Gostoc, Millicent, and Rya, who are related to Godrick, Malenia, and Rykard. This is not to say I think Rogier is directly related to Rennala or her children, considering he's Tarnished and these other 3 NPCs aren't. More that, it is not wholly unfounded to think he is in some way connected with Carians. There are further connections of note, such as his use of Carian sorcery. The only NPCs to employ this class of sorceries are all affiliated with the group somehow – Seluvis and Miriel can both sell us Carian spells by default, while Thops and Sellen only sell glintstone sorceries(thanks to elden_things for pointing this out to me!!). And the most mysterious connection is that of the timing of his slumber and subsequent death, which align closely with Ranni’s own slumber and the defeat of Radahn. The fate of Carians is linked to the stars, and with Radahn’s hold over them surrendered, their fates can no longer be forestalled.

Of course, he makes no mention of any such affiliations, but he mentions very little about himself at all. What we know is that he holds regrets and anger about something, that he is likely of an aristocratic background from a people who practice sorcery, and that he wields a thrusting sword requiring dexterity to wield. Why’s that last thing suddenly relevant? Because all of these together sound similar to the description of the prisoner starting class.

A prisoner bound in an iron mask. Studied in glintstone sorcery, having lived among the elite prior to sentencing.

Some things very suddenly begin to make more sense to me. Maybe Rogier holds regrets over a crime he’s committed, or even one he did not commit but was accused and sentenced for all the same, the consequences of some powerplay among the elite looking to eliminate him from the playing field for whatever reason. Maybe he’s angry over this humiliation, maybe he grieves this loss of his freedom. And if it is a Carian society that did this to him, maybe he’d hold a resentment towards them, a resentment shared by a sect of Raya Lucarian knights symbolized in the form of a feather. Sort of like the one Rogier wears in his hat. Beyond this, he uses the Scholar’s Armament ash of war, an art taught to Cuckoo Knights. “Our enemy is none other than Caria itself,” says the Cuckoo Greatshield item description. Maybe there is room for the argument that Rogier would agree with them. But again, this is all admittedly speculation on my part.

Let’s take a further look at Rogier’s design while we’re on the subject, because it too relates back to the prisoner association in some ways.

(thanks again to elden_things for these images)

On first glance, we’re bedazzled with glintstone and golden hues, the colors so bright and vibrant, especially in comparison with so many other more sedate color palettes seen on many NPCs. But taken as a whole, both color and form, I can’t help but think of the phrase “bird in a gilded cage”. The thing that jumps out to me about his design is the theme of restraint. His costume is full of straps, ropes, chains, items which evoke notions of bondage and imprisonment. He is wrapped from head to toe in clothing, not even his hair left free, cuffed by gold at the ankles, cuffed by frills at the wrist, neck tangled in chains(the long end of the necklace down his back is even reminiscent of a leash), arms lined with glintstone-studded straps, the opulence of nobility becoming symbolic of confinement. It’s noteworthy to me that Rogier aligns so very well with the prisoner class while also sporting clothing that easily reminds us of all the ways a person can be bound.

The color gold in game is very much tied in with the Order, with Marika and the Greater Will. While Rogier is often characterized as someone who opposes the Golden Order due to his split with Darian, his dialog would betray otherwise, something I delve into in this post. In short, he recognizes the flaws and defects of the Order, but actually expresses admiration for its ability to adapt to resolve them. This ability to adapt is in direct contrast to Rennala’s inability to do so – when met with abrupt and devastating change, she breaks, and doesn’t recover. This is another point in favor of Rogier possibly holding some frustrations with Carians. The Order is changeable, can alter itself to meet the needs of the times they live in. Caria simply wilts.

Seeing a glintstone sorcerer, one wearing the hat of a heretic no less, bear the colors of the Order is more than a little interesting in a game where people’s allegiances are generally pretty clear cut. The delightfully detailed Elden Ring colory theory video by hawkshaw speaks of blue as the color of intellect and mind, gold as faith and order. Rogier sports both, reminding me again of Caria, specifically the joining of the Moon and the Erdtree, Rennala and Radagon’s union. Of course, if we hold to the belief that Rogier is related to Carians, there’s another way in which he may remind us of this union between the Order and the Moon, and that is in his time spent with D, Hunter of the Dead.

IV. D and Rogier – “Opposites attract.”

Aside from his history lessons on Ranni and Godwyn, Rogier doesn’t really have a lot to say about anyone else, even himself. In spite of his interactions and shared interests with Fia, the only other person we hear him talk about is D. An old friend, Rogier says with a sort of fondness or melancholy. As with Fia, Rogier bonded with D over an interest in death, and for some unspecified length of time in the past, the two traveled the lands together. Eventually, Rogier’s desire to save Those Who Live in Death became too much of an issue for D, and the pair split.

Theirs is an interesting relationship, whether you want it platonic or otherwise. They’re opposites in a lot of ways. Impulse vs control, pity vs scorn, heretic vs devotee, warm vs cool, elegance vs brutality, mind vs faith, the list kind of goes on, but you see the point. Even after their falling out, the two can get along without acrimony. D tells Rogier about seeing the sign of the centipede in Summonwater. He helps us defeat the Black Knife Assassin in the Death-touched Catacombs, thus making it possible for Rogier to study the knifeprint. Rogier doesn’t speak of D with resentment, or anger, or even much distaste (his tone strays towards sarcasm again when mentioning D’s opinions on TWLID, “these defiled fiends”, but that’s about it). Rogier’s lines about D are generally his most emotional and most personal, and given how very little we get to know about Rogier otherwise, we can assume that the friendship meant a great deal to him.

Between the pair, he’s clearly the more composed about the split. While D freely expresses his disappointments in Rogier, Rogier is more wistful and collected, and does a lot less mudslinging than D. He is the less emotional of the two, however, that’s just par for the course for him. He’s used to keeping things close to the chest, as this is basically what emotional detachment does to you. Emotions aren’t easily expressed or handled, and it becomes simpler to separate oneself from them rather than experience them. And any falling out, whether between friends or lovers, is bound to be emotionally challenging even for someone without such issues.

V. Fia and Rogier – “Birds of a feather...”

There is someone Rogier eventually became comfortable expressing emotions around, even if it’s curious he never mentions her. Fia and Rogier may have a lot in common. Most obvious being their interest in Those Who Live in Death and the history of the night that gave rise to them. But there could be other things, too. Fia's room is full of books, and we know Rogier is a scholar at heart. The two could both be avid readers. If we accept the notion of Rogier as prisoner, he and Fia could bond over what it means to be without freedom and choice. Fia is hounded from her home, and it would seem she may have at some point resented the fact that she would not be allowed to decide which noble she’d be reviving.

Whatever the case, it’s clear Fia and Rogier became close at some point before his death as she tells us how he speaks of the Night of Black Knives while in bed with her, and that this discussion even moved him to tears. This strong reaction from him is especially noteworthy given his lack of emotional response in other, more appropriate areas, such as the knowledge of his own impending death. Is it sadness for Godwyn that has him in tears? Grief for how the Shattering ruined so much for so many? Could it be that in discussing these things with Fia he is also thinking of everything he won’t be able to achieve? Or could it be that he is in some sense overwhelmed not by his grim fate but by her affection, her friendship and care? People with emotional detachment issues can often have immense difficulties making or keeping friends, but here is Fia, whose entire schtick is to offer the utmost selfless care and comfort for others. Wouldn’t that be a little overwhelming to someone unused to that, someone whose life was apparently full of anger and regret, marked by some lasting trauma that’s followed him his whole life and caused him to hold others at arms' length?

Or it could be that he knows all too well another way in which Fia’s just like him, and the misery of knowing her warmth might be false just cut a little deeper than he could handle in a moment so vulnerable as this.

VI. Deceit as defense

It’s odd to me that this is a point of contention among Elden Ring fans, but Fia is, well, kind of a liar by omission. Manipulative, even. And I think Rogier is too. Well, I don’t think, I know. I’ve referenced it multiple times, but his exact words are

I can tell a good lie when I need to.

The context is him desiring to avoid angering D. I’ve mentioned before Rogier coming off as a people-pleaser, this being one of the reasons, as well as the apologetic tone he often takes when speaking with us. Others involve the assumption that he is of aristocratic origins. Politics are a game of rhetoric, and Rogier would’ve been taught to play it. That means being comfortable with lies and knowing how to tell them, or being able to spin the truth to sell your own desires to people who may not share in them. Beyond this, there is his detachment, in which he does his utmost to keep his emotional state to himself. This requires lying, or rather, concealing. Something I’d like to clarify about lies and liars is that we have a tendency to assume this is a malicious trait. I don’t think Rogier acts with malicious intentions at all. I think it is habit, a survival mechanism necessitated by whatever traumatic past he has experienced and/or required for navigating the aristocracy. For the latter especially, the ability to lie and manipulate others would be an endlessly useful tool.

Again, I want to stress that when I speak of Rogier as liar and manipulator, I don’t think it’s something he does to be cruel. He wants something of us, but given his personal issues, he may realize he’s not the best at making friends with others. He may also be hesitant to be indebted to another. Some of his cut dreambrew quest dialog hints at some intense pride on his part. If we were to offer him the dreambrew after he was blighted, he responds with:

No thank you, I don’t need your pity. ...Sorry. You were only trying to be nice. It would be my pleasure to take it.

The immediate adjustment of his tone is an interesting one. From resentful and irritated to perfectly gracious and friendly at the drop of a hat. For someone who can show compassion to some of the most wretched creatures in the Lands Between, who is happy to befriend someone seen as reviled and accursed, to lay with a woman some think of as vulgar, he sure isn’t comfortable with the idea of someone showing that compassion to him. If he gets this irritated by being offered a drink after a (near?)death experience, how would he really handle someone offering to put their life on the line for him?

So he manipulates, because this is far easier for someone(who may be) coming from a background where this is par for the course in how you connect with others. Now we aren’t simply doing him a favor, we’ve been convinced his goal is ours, too. He starts by asking for our help. But notice how each time we go back to Rogier with a little more info, he couches each new and more dangerous request in praise and compliments? We’re superb fighters, we’re trustworthy, we're capable, we’re the only ones who can do this. Rogier knows what he’s asking us to do is risky, and says as much. But he also knows how to flatter, how to shape the conversation to his needs. This isn’t just his quest anymore, it’s ours. This isn’t some favor done out of pity for a dying man, no. He’s convinced you that you want to do this too! Maybe it’s not just us he’s manipulating, but himself, too.

This isn’t to say that Rogier doesn’t care about us, that he’s callous or heartless or doesn’t want to be our friend. I think, at this point, above all else his sights are on his goal. He knows his time is running out, and he may realize he won’t be able to see this through to the end no matter how badly he wishes it were otherwise. I think Fia speaks truly when she says Rogier seemed elated by us helping him. But he also knows how near his death is, and that no matter what he or the player do, there is no future for him.

I know the manipulation angle is a hard sell. “An NPC asking you to help him isn’t manipulation,” I’ve seen people say, and I get it. But in the greater context of Rogier’s character, I think there is plenty of reason to believe he could be inclined towards such behavior, that he is someone far more focused on his goal than building friendships in a life reaching its end, and, knowing well how near he is to death, is desperate to see it through. Plenty of NPCs ask things of me, and I wouldn’t consider them manipulative. But none of them tell me point blank they’re fine with lying to others, either. :)

VII. Conclusion

We don’t get a lot of backstory on the NPCs of Elden Ring. There are breadcrumbs and tiny clues, but so often these little tidbits are implications rather than direct statements. They are open-ended, preserving a sense of intrigue and mystery that invites us to look deeper and do a little puzzle solving. That being said, it’s hard to make any definitive statements about who any of these characters are and what they’re really like. Characters like Rogier make our investigations all the more challenging when they give us reason to believe that they’re practiced in concealment and lies. When do we know what to take what they say at face value? When do we know to take it with a grain of salt? But that’s also part of what makes him so interesting to me. There’s so much potential in his story, and such a variety of possible interpretations. Mine is only one of them, and if you’ve gotten to the end of this, I’d be thrilled to hear yours too!

#elden ring #elden ring meta #sorcerer rogier #elden ring rogier #rogier #long post #yes im insane why do you ask #weve got to put our high school english classes to work somehow ok

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