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#maybe I'll be fine in a few hours
kiuk0 · 7 months
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Today is my birthday 🎈 yepi
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Some (late) holiday photos of the boye~!
#cats#holiday#OUGHH....... barely could even get these edited and posted... my mysterious sickness flare up has been sooo bad the past few#days.. I didn't even go to the usual obligatory family christmas I was supposed to attend (!!! health issue/medical mention in tags below)#My stomach issues basically put me in a constant state of uncontrollable shivering/body shaking + nausea + sometimes rapid heart#rate. and when it happens at night that makes it like.. nearly impossible to sleep when you're violently shaking + you can feel your heart#so strong + you keep having to run to the bathroom every 5 minute to cough and gag#and throw up and so on and so forth. etc. So I went like 40 hours without any sleep almost for christmas eve and all of christmas day#last night I finally got maybe 2 hours of sleep in between the nausea and shaking and stuff. and then today I was able to get a few#hours of sleep in the afternoon. Today I tried taking an anxiety mediciation a doctor gave me in case it was anxiety related (it's apparent#ly used to relax people and works in the moment. rather than like Anxiety Mediciation that you have to take for weeks to see any effect#because I think this isn't actually acting on your brain chemistry it's judt like..a mild sedative or something.) but all that did was make#me dizzy and sweaty lol. I;m glad I slept a little but I'm just still frustrated that I don't feel normal. I started having these#'episodes' (with the stomach issues + shaking + heartrate + nausea etc.) like at the end of october. And usually it will happen for like a#few hours at a time. or i'll lose sleep one day and then be fine the next. but this has been like nearly 3 days of feeling weird. so is#getting kind of annoying... It's funny too because I was so so productive like.. literally the few days before. I was feeling much better#and I was working on my game and blah blah. But then.. random issue flare up out of nowhere of course.. yaayy.... happy holidays to meee lo#I did at least see two random ducks outside of my window in the yard area for christmas. and havent seen them since. So it's like.. hrmm..#pacing around my room nauseous and shakings and etc. but at least... hello.. two little ducks placed there just for me :3c#Now I get anxiety every night which I'm sure doesn't help/could exacerbate whatever underlying genuinely physical issues exist. But after#like 2 nights of 'I spend the night sleepless and incredibly uncomfortable just sitting in the dark sick' then bedtime is like.. dread...#I even was trying slapping myself in the face in desperation to see if somehow that could shock my body out of whatever the hell it was#doing lol.. up at 3am holding ice cubes in my hand and hitting myself in the head and crying from exhaustion and thowing up.. literally#ridiculous cartoon character feeling... AAANYWAY!!! At least I have baby boy pictures. and I have lots of doctors appointments so hopefully#whatever the issue is can be sorted out at some point. I don't know much about ibs but hopefully maybe something like that that I could pos#ibly take medication for and not something more seirous or anything. Maybe there's a food I'm secretly intolerant to or whatever.#And I did at least post a sims holday video actually timed for the holidays so that's something. I havent been productive really latrely#though obviously.. I can't even play games or small tasks when in that state since I'm just SO physically uncomfortable. Nausea and heart#stuff are THE hardest physical sensations to ignore.. BUT yeah... hoping I shall sleep at all tonight. hopeing to get like 3 productive#things done.. at some point... at least SOMETHING... lol..... *** *** ***
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magentagalaxies · 4 months
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vent incoming:
got my grades back for my courses last semester and most of it was to be expected, mostly A's, maybe an A-, etc. but i honestly can't get over the fact that my independent study (the buddy cole documentary) was for some reason given a B. like sure getting a B isn't bad per se, I usually get at least one B every semester and i honestly don't really care about what my exact gpa is as long as i can graduate, but come on. this school put me through months of psychological torment over this project and didn't even have the nerve to give me a B+??? i'm still coping with the self-doubt they forced on me and this bullshit is not helping!!
#honestly it's kind of hilarious ngl. especially bc i also got my documentary work counted as an independent study the previous semester#and the previous semester even tho i barely worked on the doc itself#(mostly just planning and putting together the crowdfunding which was still a lot of work but like compare it to the past few months)#they were willing to give me an A (my school doesn't do A+ so this is the highest mark possible)#vs this semester. like i'll admit my final assignment was late and could have been more polished#but i was literally on tour in documentary-mode 24/7 for several weeks. i filmed an entire comedy special! i put together a live interview!#not to mention having to fucking negotiate with my own college censoring the footage they'd promised me of an event i put together#and play nice with a professor who literally outed me on twitter in an attempt to cancel one of my best friends#at this point the ''B'' feels more like a petty grudge than anything else#like ok we can't get away with *actually* fucking over jessamine's grades bc clearly ze did do the work. but let's just give zir a B#like i will admit the audio quality in my final isn't great. and i could have used more polished footage in some sections#but counterpoint: 100+ students were arrested at a protest while i was editing and i was having a mental breakdown#the fact that i finished *anything* is goddamn impressive especially after they essentially conditioned me to hate myself any time i was#working on a project i loved!!!#due to the aforementioned student arrests my college did put out an option where we could change any letter grade this semester to pass/fai#so anything passing wouldn't impact our gpa if we didn't want it to. so i could just change the B to a ''pass''#but really what's the point. ''B'' is still a good grade and my GPA is fine (3.65 on a 4.0 grading scale. 2.0 is required to graduate)#it just sucks that after what i went through last semester i feel like nobody takes it seriously#i was reminiscing earlier about how it's honestly kind of funny how after that professor outed me on twitter#i was at the hotel with scott like an hour later sobbing and having an existential crisis about my relationship to gender#and scott was so supportive but also awkwardly being like#''i know i should offer the crying child a tissue but where the fuck are the tissues in this room what do i do''#and he just handed me a full-on towel instead like oh my god he was trying his best but also so clearly out of his depth#but of course i then had to remember how when i told that story to a different professor to be like ''this is how much scott cares about me#this guy called me fucking UNPROFESSIONAL for crying in front of the subject of my documentary?????????#like yeah maybe so but how DARE you call me unprofessional when a different professor tweeted my full name and gender without my consent#in an attempt to fucking cancel one of my friends for ''misgendering'' me for using pronouns i'm fine with him using!!!#i don't think i'm ever going to be able to forgive my college and i don't know how i'll be able to get through one more semester#that experience genuinely changed things about my psychology that i'm not proud of and i need to work through#so if i have to miss a goddamn kids in the hall event because i have class this november i am going to set something on fire
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ichorblossoms · 7 months
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sketch vs middle
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treesbian · 4 months
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being mad at my parents for events long passed hours
#man my mom used to have my sisters help her pin me down so she could pop all the pimples on my face. bruh that fucking hurt. also.#worst thing you can do for those... i was having age-typical acne and i guess she just didn't like to look at it?? idk.#the acne itself didn't hurt but there was a lot of it so just like. you know how it does indeed hurt to pop those. well there were a lot#and she didn't stop even when i was crying and screaming bc she wasn't done??#and she did it to my back too and some of those grew on nerves and hurt even fucking more#and no she was not using properly sterilized equipment or even fresh washed hands thanks for asking <3 she acted entirely on impulse lol#i mean. i guess she knows its wrong **now** bc she hasn't tried anything similar with my baby sister....???#and shes starting to get acne like i used to have.#idk is that dramatic to be upset about. just imagine being pinched and pricked nonstop for like 2 hours. maybe it wasn't 2 hours.#but also physically restrained too like straight up sat on. is that fucked up.... thats not normal right???#and uh. a few years ago they held me still to shave my armpits with my dad's clippers bc mom is completely convinced#it isn’t possible to be hygenic as a 'woman' with pit hair or anything bc of Pheromones!!! and when i say goddamn fine#i'll just use men's hygiene stuff then she says that won't work bc Pheromones!!!!#like having a slightly different endocrine system makes ppl a different species or something#anyway. i cried just a little bit when they did that <3 gave me razor burn#and after my dad asked like 'is growing that hair out like. important to your identity or something' and.#well i dont know but that fucking hurt and you violated the choice that *eye* was making with *my* body#man i know mom still thinks she never physically abused me bc she didn't ever like. beat me up or anything but. thats abuse right??#she still thinks i was calling her abusive out of fucking nowhere.#sometimes she asks 'when was i ever abusive' and i give her an example and she goes 'well that was JUST BECAUSE--' and like. girl.#you think just bc you can justify it to yourself it wasn't abuse? every abuser can justify it to themselves....#talk tag#man i keep forgetting about how she used to physically restrain me to do her not-dermatologist approved extractions.#i guess it mostly didn't hurt that bad but like. the forcefullness and duration of it. lmao#anyway i found her a late mothers day gift today. its a hairstick with a dragonfly charm#abuse tw#sorry if that triggered anyone b4 i remembered to tag it
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lizeon · 10 months
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wth why would i suddenly not be able to watch a live stream on youtube? i dont think its an adblocker thing? i was watching a different live stream like 2 hours ago, i can watch regular videos and vods. but now when i bring up a stream it just goes gray and says "Your browser cant play this video". never seen this and having a hard time finding an answer online that is about a live stream, everything so far is for videos that dont work for anyone else either
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angeltism · 10 months
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out of the shower , feeling slightly less shit about myself (and way less like saying uncalled for immature mean things) however still dealing with the realization that I am possibly the most replaceable person in the world
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running-in-the-dark · 8 months
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hm. am I downloading Night Court right now? possibly.
#don't know if I care yet#tbh I have never seen John Larroquette in anything ever (and it will take me a while until I can spell his name without checking 3 times)#before the librarians#so. I don't know. if it's a character specific thing. or if I just think he's cute. or if I think he's cute now but not when he was younger#but I will find out#because honestly it's possible that it's 90% his voice. very good voice. best voice. love it.#hmmm okay no I've just watched a clip on YouTube and he really is just very cute. damn.#annnd. oh noo. I have to check something#oh crap Brent spiner was born in 1949. that means this is. if my brain decides that this is gonna be something. the first time it's someone#older than my dad :') don't like that#but! my dad's dead! so who gives a fuck!#I'm fine. :)#(also damn I'm lucky my dad was so very very old. otherwise that would have happened much sooner)#(guess I'm joking about that now! interesting development)#anyway yeah he cute. though cuter now tbh. might be the belly. idk. this is very confusing and unusual for me#especially. since. the other crush. is not even close to being over. that's not something that happens. and it's already very bad rn. soo.#that should be interesting. maybe I should just forget all about it and not look at him again when I'm done with the show in a few hours#that'd be best I think (doesn't mean I'll listen to my own advice. he is a man and he is cute so. I've already lost)#it's just. I see Jenkins and it's like. JENKINS!! 😍😍😍😍 I'm very weak#and he's so funny 😔#sigh.#just be normal 🤦🤦🤦#i don't know if it makes it better or worse that I'm fully aware that this is most likely happening because I'm in the middle of some sort#of crisis right now and that's how I've always coped but. eh it is what it is#trying to be nicer to this stupid brain and all that#let it have fun looking at an old man it's fine
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princekirijo · 1 year
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I'm not shocked that they decided to recast for P3R. Imagine if they only decided to recast Junpei. The incel weebs would be up in arms over Vic whatever-his-last-name-was
I'll be honest I have no idea what Junpei's VA did (I heard he did something but I don't know what) so I can't comment on that but like I can't be the only one who's immensely disappointed about this.
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livvyofthelake · 1 year
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if i can just make it through tuesday and wednesday..... thursday is going to be the best day of my life. yes i'll have to go to class in the morning and then like wait around for several hours BUT then i get to see bottoms with my bestie :) and then i get to go home and guess what will be at home........ a package..... i cannot say what the package is just in case i jinx it but i am very. cautiously. excited about it........ and then i have work early friday morning but well. thursday night is going to be crazyyyyyyyyy (i am literally just going to watch a movie on my couch)
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morgandekarios · 1 year
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read the vgc article on all the cyberpunk base game changes that are coming with phantom liberty and tbh i'm a little nervous about how drastically it's claiming that the game is gonna change. i like how the game functions now, and there's a lot of room to fuck up my favorite game with how much they're claiming to have overhauled, with "practically nothing being left untouched"
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torterragarden · 2 years
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lord help me I have started a new wip
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technologyvoid · 2 years
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weaselle · 4 months
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i had to make a solution for this for myself, mostly because of depression, but it makes a nice How To for folks who are low on spoons or could use some help in the kitchen.
Fortunately i was a professional cook for over a decade. UNfortunately the first post i made explaining it was suuuuper long. Let's see if i can do better
So you select any protein that you can cook in a frying pan -- chicken breasts, ground beef, pork chops, sausages, steak, chicken thighs, whatever. You also select one or two types of veggie (mushrooms or tubers also work, i just did this with potatoes and carrots for dinner tonight).
[i like cooking for vegetarians, but this is how i cook for myself when i'm low on spoons - perhaps i'll do another post for meatless meals]
You'll also need some kind of oil, and a sauce or two of your choice in a bottle. All cooking gear is a large frying pan with lid (i prefer non-stick) a spatula, a cutting board, and a knife.
You cut the veggies into bite size pieces, cut up enough for two meals. One kind of veggie is fine, or you can do mix two or three
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Put frying pan on medium heat with a little oil. Tubers or mushrooms or go in the pan a few minutes before the protein. 2 portions of the protein goes in the pan, about 5 minutes with lid (don't worry you can still get a good sear on both sides)
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Now flip your protein if it's flip-able and add normal veggies, put the lid back on another five-ish minutes.
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Take your protein out and put it with one portion of the veggies in a microwave safe container. That's going to be your lunch tomorrow. Put the other portion of protein on a plate to rest (you have to let a cooked protein sit a couple minutes before you serve it or when you cut into it all the juices run out and it goes dry - the liquids thicken as it cools, preventing this drying out if you let it rest, the goal is to serve it very warm but not hot hot)
While it's resting, pour some sauce from your bottle in the pan with the rest of the veggies and turn up the heat. A single sauce/bottle is fine, i like to get fancy and mix a couple. Two examples of personal favorite mixes are 1: bbq sauce and a hot sauce like sriracha 2: roughly equal parts low sodium soy sauce and worcestershire (makes something similar to a teriyaki sauce) A swallow of wine is almost always a great option if you want to add that to your sauce too, just add it to the pan before the other sauces so the alcohol has time to burn off.
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Here is the important bit. While your veggies are finishing, wash your cutting board and chef knife. Then when you dump your veggies and sauce over your protein on the plate, while it is still too hot to eat, you wash your frying pan and spatula before you eat. Now the only dishes you have left to do are your plate and fork. Maybe a steak knife.
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The whole thing takes about 35 minutes even with washing the dishes, and that includes your lunch for the next day- just pour a different sauce on and stick it in the microwave for a couple minutes (or five minutes back in the frying pan) and you have a full healthy lunch with a different flavor
You can use this technique every single meal and it yields hundreds of combinations, from pork and potatoes bbq, to salmon and broccoli teriyaki, to chicken and zucchini in a soy glaze.
It will keep you down to less than an hour of kitchen time per day total for both lunch and dinner including all dish clean up, uses the least dishes, the least effort, requires the least technique, and is, depending on what you pick out, very affordable
here are a couple more examples from this month; i didn’t take pictures of the salmon i did recently, but you get the idea
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it's not super fancy, but it is easy, affordable, quick, and any flavors you want. Hope this helps some folks
Happy Cooking!
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camellia-thea · 1 month
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sometimes your heart wants to doodle old men rather than write your academic essay
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a-shadowedvales · 5 months
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@havvkinsqueen : is it everything you hoped for?
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the weeping creatures that had long reigned in janessa's young body were finally beginning to dissolve. the blood on her hands, the thrumming ache in her heart mattered not— not when she was integrated into an environment like this. where individuality was celebrated and respected, where loneliness felt far less burdensome. apart from a few connections created in archery club, ( a sport jane had become incredibly fond of, as it was a way to develop her concentration and attention skills, ) there had been one student amongst the herd she'd already developed a nice connection with. she felt very lucky to know the ghostly girl, in fact. while she hadn't yet sought friends out, too occupied in finding herself opposed to forming true bonds, it didn't mean she wouldn't welcome them when or if they came along. ❝ it is... strange. but good. ❞ hesitation threatened her expression of glee, worried if she proclaimed just the extent of her happiness, it may be stripped from her in a moment's breath.
hope was certainly an interesting choice of words, given she'd known nothing of aspirations nor possibilities outside bleak walls and unbearable tests for eight straight years. nevermore academy was a masterful change: the child would never take it for granted. she cleared her throat, daring to elaborate. ❝ there is a lot to learn. i think i can do it. ❞ confidence slowly began brewing in the crux of her core as each new day approached, understanding the array of subjects, requesting assistance when she needed a guiding hand, raising her own when believing she had a correct response in class. although, chrissy was a different case completely, and one which jane didn't understand in the slightest, no matter how she tried. how could you be alive and dead at the same time? one of the many complexities still nagging for an answer! ❝ is it normal that it is… hard? ❞ she scarcely thought she’d breeze through the workload or social norms, but there was part of her feeling somewhat behind. chrissy had been here far longer, which is why these concealed questions were directed to her, someone with more experience. ❝ do you find it hard? ❞
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