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wartakes · 11 months

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What Comes Next? (OLD ESSAY)

This essay was originally posted on January 21st, 2021.

This is the essay that actually responds to January 6th (as the one that was posted on January 6th was actually before everything happened and had nothing to do with it, lol). (Full essay below the cut).

So, I guess it’s finally time to talk about the last couple weeks.

On the morning of January 6th I had just posted an essay I’d rant-written over an hour or two the night prior about an op-ed on Military.com calling for war criminal Robert Bales to be pardoned by now former-President Donald Trump (thankfully, Bales does not appear to have been included in Trump’s last minute Pardonpalooza – sucks to suck Bobby Boy). I figured that would be the thing I’d be the angriest or distressed about that day, or even that week.

Yeah, so, we know what happened in the second half of the day.

I’ll be honest, I intended to write something about all this sooner. God knows that I’m a little late to the game on all this. A lot of my favorite analysts, podcasters, and other content creators have all already done their bits on the January 6th insurrection/riot/whatever by now. But I decided to sit tight before I put my thoughts down on “paper” as it were for a couple reasons.

The first reason was equal parts paranoia and selfishness. I held my fire because with the threats and increasingly tense situation surrounding the inauguration, I wanted to wait until after Biden was sworn in before I wrote anything because – much like my Bales essay being overcome by events – I was afraid I’d write something only to have an actual coup de tat kick off five minutes after posting it (Note: as of writing this, Biden has successfully been sworn in and is in the White House probably saying “listen Jack” to his staff repeatedly).

The second reason was, I honestly didn’t know what to write and didn’t know exactly how I felt about everything and I still am struggling. Since January 6th, I’ve felt just about every emotion I think is possible at least once a day – often more than once. I’ve mellowed out a lot since then and feel a lot better today, but I’ll be real with you all, I was kind of a wreck for a bit with everything going on (if you’re worried, I’m ok, and thank you).

This essay is going to be a bit disjointed compared to some of my other works, but this is just something I wanted to get off my chest and out of my head to help myself make sense of things, and maybe it’ll help other folks in that way too. I’ll try and follow it up with something approaching intelligent analysis on how we should think about this and deal with it going forward. Hopefully in the next few weeks I can get back to my usual fare. For now, let’s do this.

How Do I Feel?

I’ve spent most of my adult life learning and training to be a national security professional and then (finally) starting to work in the field. I’ve typically been what you’d call a generalist. I’ve dipped my toe in a bit of everything, but I’ve largely focused on conflict between states in all its various forms throughout my academic and professional career.

With that in mind, another reason I was slow to write about this was that I’m not the best person to. While I’ve always been aware of and concerned about the dangers of the far-right and white nationalism and all the other toxic elements in American politics, it wasn’t until the last four years – and the final stages of my radicalization as a leftist in the last year in particular – that I truly began to appreciate the gravity of the threat. I’ve never focused on any of this in my studies or work. I’ve never been an expert on far-right paramilitary violence and domestic terrorism and all of that. I’ve never even been an expert on terrorism and political violence in general. I watched what happened on the 6th unfold in real time over livestream, talking with my close friends and family as it occurred – which in a way, made it even harder and take even more time to process it. I’ve seen plenty of events unfold like that in other countries before, but it was just that: foreign. Something that happens over there, not back here.

In a way, I had a massive cognitive dissonance about the event as it was happening. On one hand, it was entirely shocking and surprising that this could happen in the United States of America of all places, in the 21st century. And yet, at the same time, I couldn’t help but think “well of course something like this finally happened, how could it not have?” We’ve been building up to something like this for years now. It didn’t help that while I now view the government and many institutions with a much more critical eye given my change in politics, I can’t deny the monuments and symbology still hold some kind of value to me emotionally, and seeing far-right Trump supporters bashing their way inside and running amok fucked me up some (this in addition to some personal connections I have to the Capitol that made it all hit a little close to home, but I don’t really want to get into that here).

So, where am I going with this? That’s a good question. I guess my point here is, amidst the mix of emotions I felt over the past week or two, the overriding one was fear. I was scared. And I’m here to tell you that if you were scared as well, that’s ok. That’s valid, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Was what happened at the Capitol as bad as it could have been? No. I’ve heard a lot of 9/11 comparisons and while I agree some are ham fisted, and while January 6th was nowhere near as deadly as 9/11, it still left me with the same sense of fear and uncertainty that event did when I was a kid. It was still a traumatic event in a lot of ways, and if you feel scared by it, don’t let anyone make you feel like shit for feeling what you feel.

I’ve seen a lot of people cracking jokes about what happened on twitter and elsewhere. That’s fine. Honestly, one reason it’s been hard to make sense of everything after the 6th has been the fact that while the insurrection was serious, it was also in many ways, laughable in its events. I mean, c’mon. You have the Q Shaman dressed up in a fur faux-Viking outfit. How can you not joke about this shit in some shape or form? It’s impossible not to.

I’ve absolutely made a lot of gallows humor among friends myself to deal with what happened. As Hawkeye Pierce once said on M*A*S*H, sometimes joking is the only way you can open your mouth without screaming. When this becomes unhelpful or hurtful is when the joking becomes less about working through something you’re feeling and more about trivializing it and dismissing it as something that is not worth your concern and attention. That is not fine, and it pisses me off in a major way. Not only does it feel like punching down, but it also feels like it misses the implications of what happened for us as leftists and the country as a whole.

Again, was this as bad is it could have been? No. Was it the worst thing ever to happen to or in America? Not by a long shot. But it is extremely concerning and should be a warning to us for what might come next. Even if the riots themselves didn’t amount to much, and in many places were laughable, it was also extremely fortunate they were not worse – as there are now plenty of indications that they could have been much, much worse.

While there are a lot of people on the left that have been keenly aware of the threat of right-wing violence for years now, this may be a wakeup call for many who either weren’t as aware or didn’t think it was as serious or extensive as it’s turned out to be. While we all may have been affected in different ways and to different degrees but the last few weeks, what we need to agree on is that far-right violence and extremism is a problem that is only going to get worse before it gets better, even now that Trump has left the White House. Trump was only the beginning. We need to brace ourselves because what has become clear is that the last few years if we want to stop things much worse than what happened on January 6th from occurring in the future.

Where Do We Go From Here?

Ok, so I just disgorged about a thousand words or more in change at you about my own jumble of personal feelings about all this. I feel like I owe you something a bit more thought out on what we should be trying to do from here on in to deal with the oncoming wave of chuddery.

First off, there are two important ideas that need to be understood in tandem – to some folks these may be obvious but I’m going to state them anyway to drive the point home: 1.) this is not a problem that cropped up overnight; and 2.) this is not a problem that will be taken care of in four years or eight years or even more than that. The current form of far-right extremism that we face is not one that suddenly cropped up after Trump became President. It has its roots going back more than thirty years. The problems of white supremacy in particular are entwined with the very founding of the nation. These are problems that are going to need to be dealt with over the course of a generation – more likely, multiple generations. It is going to require us to fundamentally change as a society, which I do not believe is impossible, but I do think it will be a long and hard effort with many twists and turns and missteps along the way.

Another key takeaway that I don’t think that a lot of people on the left are going to need convincing on is that this is not a problem that can or should be solved solely through arrests and imprisonment and violent crackdown from the state. I’ll say right now that some new Patriot Act II: The Patrioting, is 100% not the answer. As a national security professional, I can tell you right now that if the government can’t stop what happened on the 6th or any of the other incidences of far-right violence in recent years with the massive toolbox of domestic surveillance and counter-terrorism infrastructure it already has – and arguably shouldn’t have in the first place, there’s no way some new domestic version of the Patriot Act is going to do it (and it’ll just get turned against leftists and minorities anyway, let’s be real). Giving more money to cops certainly isn’t going to solve shit – especially when a number of them are part of these movements, as well as more than a few troops in the military).

That being said, another thing that the left may need more convincing on is that some of these people will never be convinced to give up what they believe. That is not to say that all of them are lost causes. I don’t believe that every person who voted for Trump is a QAnon adherent or a fascist in waiting, and they can’t be forgotten and need to be brought along for the ride in building a better world – after all, I became a socialist because I want life to be better for everyone, not just everyone I like who believes in my ideology. Likewise, I don’t believe that every person that gets caught up in far-right extremist movements is necessarily a lost cause. Some of them may be able to be helped through some kind of de-programming and de-radicalization effort (there’s a lot of discourse on how appropriate the cult comparison is QAnon, but I think this is an apt one), but we need to accept that some people are never going to surrender their beliefs and will always consider people like us as an existential threat.

Where am I going with this? Well, here’s that part that may not go over as well. I definitely fear state overreach and abuse of power in light of what happened on the sixth – which I hope was already demonstrated by my apprehension about any kind of new domestic terror law. But even with all of that in mind, some of these people are going to have to be arrested and go to prison.

Let me be clear: the criminal justice system and law enforcement in this country are fundamentally flawed. I think they need to be completely rebuilt – not reformed but torn down and rebuilt from scratch. Not only that, but they also need to be rebuilt as part of a system that prioritizes social services that prevent crime and violence from occurring long before it ever gets to the point of involving law enforcement or any form of detention or corrections – and that those need to be done in as humane a way as possible. But I still think they need to exist. Why? The same reason I think a military will still need to exist. Because no matter what, somehow, some way, there will always be someone who wishes to do harm for one reason or another. We can try and help as many people who have been drawn in by far-right movements as we can, but we need to come to terms before we get deeper into the struggle that we cannot help them all.

What that point gets across is that dealing with this problem in the years to come isn’t just going to be accomplished by doing all the good things we’ve always wanted to do. It is going to require us doing things that some leftists may be fundamentally uncomfortable with. Things that involve the use of force and wielding of power by the state. I wasn’t happy at all about the fact we deployed more troops in Washington D.C. than we have in both Iraq and Afghanistan combined in order to guarantee what normally should be a peaceful transfer of power. But as much as that made me uncomfortable and scared and angry, I can’t say that it wasn’t entirely necessary.

I am not saying we need to discard our own principles to deal with extremism. In fact, I would argue against that strongly and forcefully. If we acted in a way contrary to every concept of social justice and human rights and democracy that we claim to uphold, then we’d be no better than those who passed the Patriot Act, let alone any authoritarian police state that has existed past, present, or future – be it fascist or socialist. But there are things that we are going to need to address and come to terms with as a movement. I don’t begin to claim to have the answers, but I do know there are tough conversations that will need to be had. I believe in a better world, but not in a utopian one. We need to come to terms with that going forward.

Keep On Keeping On

I’ve been a little all over the map since the 6th, but as my mind has cleared some, if nothing else I’ve emerged with a renewed sense of purpose in the aftermath of what happened that day. It has reaffirmed the beliefs I started to be honest with myself about almost a year ago when the mask finally began to come off to me. It has made me more certain about what side I am on and the kind of future that I want to live in.

While I still believe things can and will get better, I also unfortunately believe they will likely get worse before they do. As Joe Biden is inaugurated, there are already signs that the disillusioned once-QAnon faithful who for so long “trusted the plan” only to be let down and questioning everything they believe, are being targeted by more violent and accelerationist far-right groups for recruitment. There are also plenty of people who will likely maintain their loyalty to the QAnon theory in some shape or form and that movement is in the process of an uncertain transformation. And while many Republican have tried to disconnect themselves from far-right elements, there are still more than a few who not only remain tied to them but court them as a power base. This is a problem that is going to stick around in multiple forms for a long time, whether it be QAnon, a Q offshoot, your basic white nationalism, outright fascism, and etc.

This all should give us a renewed sense of urgency, as well as purpose. If we didn’t believe it before, we have to believe now we are engaged in a political struggle for the future – our right to exist in a more just, safe, peaceful, democratic world. January 6th and the reactions and aftermath of it should drive home to you that the stakes are very much real. That we need to work even harder to organize and mobilize the people of this country to enact change for the better.

Moreover, as things will likely get worse before they get better, we need to be prepared for that. While we should never seek out violence, we need to be prepared if violence seeks us out – as it has been apt to do so far. Much has been said about the police response to the insurrection on the 6th. The bungled response appears to have not been due to any one factor, but that none of them bode well in sum. Police collusion and sympathy, a lack of taking the threat seriously, and a lack of the necessary skills or competence when it actually wants to deal with the far-right threat means that we cannot depend on law enforcement to protect us as it is currently structured.

Again – and I cannot stress this enough – this does not mean we should seek out violence. If anyone has fantasies about a Second Civil War, take it from someone who has spent their entire adult life watching still-ongoing civil wars in Syria, Libya, Yemen, and other places: you don’t fucking want that. Period. Full stop. But if anything has been made clear by the rise in right wing terrorism in the last decade, is a reality that we need to watch out for ourselves as we try to move forward. Simply put we can’t make a better world if we don’t live to see it through.

Its ok to be scared. Let yourself be scared for a bit if you feel the need. My Mom always has said you have to let yourself be sad or upset for a while before you can be not upset. But don’t despair. Don’t give in to hopelessness. Nothing is set in stone. Time is not a flat circle, despite what many might tell you. We can make a better world, but we need to be clear headed about the challenges we are going to face going forward in doing that, and we need to be ready for them. So, suit up for the long-haul kiddos. I’ll be here with you, contributing in my own way, going on about war and foreign policy and my usual hobby horses. I don’t plan on going anywhere and neither should you. If we have that resolve, that in itself is a starting victory.

#War Takes #War Takes essay #essay #January 6th #January 6th 2021 #january 6th insurrection #Donald Trump #socialism #leftism #democratic socialism #far-right #fascism #terrorism #domestic terrorism #insurrection #qanon conspiracy #anti fascism

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eulaties · 1 year

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marionetta: first impressions

as you can tell, i veryy much love marionetta so far and i am super excited to see where the story will go in terms of conflict + character development! so below, i will be theorizing about the connections between anthonn and the ah’kon people, as well as julia’s overarching role in the story. please bear with me bc this'll be pretty rambly ^^;; and because everything is subject to being proven horribly wrong by canon, please also take everything with a grain of salt!

edit (1/4/23): ok so apparently the Hot Guy isn’t anthonn. unless....he’s just lying and he actually IS anthonn.........../hj

jokes aside i have no idea whether this entire post was immediately proven wrong by ep. 4 or not so. i’ll just leave this here in the very slim chance that my crack theory is right...or, if anthonn’s identity is finally revealed and i am proven horribly, horribly wrong, i’ll still leave this up but make another edit.

in either case—happy reading! i am truly excited to see where this story’s mystery will take us ✨

edit 2 (1/10/23): ok yeah i was proven horribly wrong lol but also i would die for tonnie

1. anthonn & the ah’kon people

firstly, with all the emphasis the narrative places on the ah'kon people within just the first 2 episodes, i think it’s clear that—with the whole three eyes thing, and the fact that they look pretty similar—anthonn is related to them in some way. maybe they’re kin, or maybe they only have a shared identity. either way, they are connected.

another interesting thing to note is the way that kalgratti citizens speak about the ah’kon:

a) episode 1 ➜ the scene on the bus

b) episode 2 ➜ julia’s conversation w/ her father

J: “No way am I sitting there! Can’t you see who’s sitting next to it?!”

K: “Oh, right. That man is one of those Ah’kon people. Do you think it’s true that under that badge they have...?”

J: ...“Stay behind me. It’s dangerous letting this guy travel with normal people...Don’t make eye contact with him, Kamille.”

Afterwards, the people on the bus excitedly talk about going to the circus.

J: ..."But the new uniform orders just came in! The rest of us will have to do twice as much work! You're all just slackers!”

c) episode 3 ➜ the scene after julia wakes up from the dead

F: “We have to return some Three Eyes to the Aspett Research Center.”

J: “Yes, I saw one on the bus yesterday. Why are they letting them walk around like that?”

F: “I don’t know, but don’t even think about talking to them...They’re superstitious people.”

After this, Julia tells him that she went to the circus last night.

F: “To the circus? What for? Only slackers go there!”

these three scenes give away a LOT of information:

J: “Yes, that’s it! Are you trying to drive me crazy?! I’ll report you all!”

D: “Hey...”

J: “You use cheap tricks to poison the minds of Kalgratti citizens! You’re a bunch of—” [censored by the speech bubble]

D: “Calm down, young lady...”

julia, as a character, is very restrained in that she is pretty conservative with her lifestyle and perspective of the world (ofc i don’t mean “conservative” in the political way, i just mean that she’s more traditional compared to someone like kamille, who is naturally free-spirited and inclined to adventure). this is mostly seen in episode 1, where she acts grumpy all throughout the trip to the circus, and consistently wishes that she was anywhere but there. she also doesn’t hesitate to say “i’ll report you!” whenever she gets angry at other people (namely, the circus troupe).

this characterization makes a lot of sense when we consider that julia’s father seems to be a decently ranked official in the village. he looks like he may work for the law enforcement, given his uniform and how he says, “we have to return some three eyes.”

the fact that the three eyes, or ah’kon people, are regularly sent to research centers signals that not everything is as innocent as it seems. it’s almost as if kalgratti citizens generally accept that ah’kon people are all “crazy” subjects that need to be studied by researchers. this dehumanization is similar to what we saw in hooky, though it seems to be more covert; not as outwardly violent as burning someone at the stake, and yet just as harmful. this silent persecution may be one of the driving conflicts of the story.

2. julia’s identity & narrative role?

from the scenes outlined above, i believe it is also pretty obvious that julia parrots a lot of the rhetoric that her father says. from thinking that the circus is just for slackers to wholeheartedly believing that the ah’kon people are freaks, she doesn’t seem to have an identity for herself. even her steadfast work ethic and “stick-in-the-mud” attitude is largely due to her upbringing. this means that the way julia perceives the world is very much molded by her father; she believes she leads a respectable, normal life, while in actuality she lives according to convention and doesn’t question societal norms.

and here is where the circus comes into the picture.

everything that she has ever known is suddenly turned upside down by the contract that she hastily signs (and doesn’t even bother to read the fine print of). anthonn’s wandering troupe presumably gives the unfairly deceased a second chance of living, at the cost of shedding their former identities, so when julia is simultaneously killed by the circus that is so very diametrically opposed to who she is at that moment, it’s ironic! because she’s also given a second chance through the circus—only that, rather than shedding her former identity, she must pay her dues through murder.

regardless, it seems that when she does commit the murder months later, her former identity is already long gone.

and there is certainly a lot to unpack here about her chosen (or assigned?) circus costume.

as preface: miriam bonastre tur is an artist from spain, so i think it is reasonable to assume that she’ll be incorporating spanish and/or latin american cultural influences into marionetta. therefore...

julia’s mushroom hat & makeup: mushrooms in spanish and latin american folktales have strong connections to spirituality and are highly respected in traditional shamanic culture. this is super interesting when we consider the context of the circus in marionetta...

“Shamanism is a system of religious practice. Historically, it is often associated with Indigenous and tribal societies, and involves belief that shamans, with a connection to the otherworld, have the power to heal the sick, communicate with spirits, and escort souls of the dead to the afterlife.”

julia’s mismatched tights: they may be a visual representation of going against what is perceived as “normal,” and breaking free from strict conventions. perhaps by being in the circus, julia will gradually unlearn her own subconscious prejudices. this ideological change would then set up conflict with her father later on in the story.

julia’s braids: instead of wearing her hair in only one braid, like what was seen at the beginning of the story, she now wears her hair in two braids. this parting of her single, unified braid visually parallels a fork in the road; in turn, this may imply that she will come to make a crucial decision (i.e., to kill or not to kill anthonn). maybe she won’t choose either of the paths laid out for her. maybe she’ll create a new path for herself...and maybe that'll involve her trying to escape the contract.

3. miscellaneous wonderings

is there narrative significance to having julia (& everything she represents, especially in relation to the ah'kon people) “kill” anthonn?

in a society where ah'kon people face covert persecution, was founding the circus troupe anthonn’s way of surviving?

who wrote the contract? who “chose” julia to kill anthonn? alternatively, are there more people in the circus tasked to kill him?

#decided to post w/o editing much #sorry if some sentences dont make sense!#just wanted to get this out before the 4th ep dropped lol #anyways i wonder how much of this will be proven wrong by the 1st season's end #marionetta #webtoon #miriam bonastre tur #my thoughts #eulaties #meta

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blupengu · 7 months

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Oh… my god… I’ve been emotionally devastated by Le Salut 😂

Rambling and spoilers under the cut as usual! Still haven’t done any of the salvation ends though so no worries about those, not sure if I’ll make one post for all of them or reblog my individual posts from each route lmao

Wow this route was CHONKY Jesus! I guess my biggest initial thoughts after playing are:

1) I am boo boo the fool… cannot believe we were betrayed by Dahut like that… the signs were there but I dismissed because he was best (adult) boy and I loved him… to quote my other post: “Any time Dahut shows up now I’m like OH THANK GOD someone who doesn’t need therapy” 🤡 never before have I been so utterly devastated by a character’s betrayal 💀

And 2) Ankou being Adolphe punched me in the gut, stole my purse, and kicked my dog, I was thinking there had to be time travel or multiverse shenanigans but not like that… (I love Ankou but tbh Adolphe is just kinda, meh to me? So I’m conflicted…) Though the real kicker was the fact that HE WAS AMERICAN THIS WHOLE TIME HELL, YEAH USA!! USA!! USA!! 🔫 (LOL sorry jkjk… but no really when he pulled out a fucking gun I busted out laughing, bitch why did you not use this earlier 😂)

But anyways, back to the route itself! I very much loved the character interactions we got with Ceres, Adolphe, and Ankou! Very cute, very wholesome, and Ankou in lounge wear…? *chef’s kiss* 👀 Although this is when I noticed that they both had such shiny blue earrings… maybe in my heart I knew all along… I also still love the friendship between Nadia and Dahut… 😔 and Ankou meeting Yves was so sweet!(even though knowing the truth now makes it… oof in hindsight) but good to know we all support Yves being with Ceres 😂

This route kinda turned me off Salome though? Like yandere tendencies aside, in every other route she was just the loving, maybe a bit overprotective milf (yeah I said it fight me) with a complicated and tragic past… but damn really was not a fan of her actually being the queen and Dahut’s mom. Kinda mad she killed him in the end 😬 (also, my god the teenage pregnancies must be wild in this country)

Also I am SO. SICK. OF CAPUCINE!! PLEASE STOP SHOWING UP AND BEING CREEPY TOWARDS NADIA AND A DICK TO LUCAS!! Him, the Royal family, and honestly the vast majority of the people in Arpechele suck major donkey balls oh my god. Y’know what I kinda support Dahut’s plan to just burn the country to the ground, we stan a short king 👑

… is it bad though that Capucine’s kinda grown on me? LOL, like I still hate his guts (thank you Scien our god for blowing him up) but it’s kinda hilarious watching him when things don’t go his way 😂 idk if I find him a kind of well written villain or if I have Stockholm syndrome after we’ve been forced to see him in every route 💀

Jean on the other hand! I am so happy that my evil hot butler turned into a reluctant ally in this route!! The bit where he and Mathis had to help Scien was very super cute, and poor sweet Mathis you are so forgiving, you deserve so much better, I hope Jean treats you nicer 😔 I respect his one-track mind for Rosalie though, man has a mission to get his wife back and by god he’s not gonna let anything stop him lmao 🫡

Gotta say though, I don’t remember exactly what triggered this but I just remember thinking, “oh more science to ignore!” So, yeah it… did not get better lmao. Like, some hand-wavey science is fine for world building and stuff, but when your plot hinges on the science and details, it’s really gotta have a more solid foundation than this. It’s not even nitpicking, it really doesn’t make sense if you think about it for more than one second 😂

Ngl I kinda wish that they had kept the supernatural aspect (not just because I’m not super keen on Ankou being Adolphe…), it would’ve made the nonsensical science easier to digest so they wouldn’t have been forced to explain everything away. Like, if it’s all grounded in reality, answer me this game! How did Ankou regenerate HIS CLOTHES after being just a HEAD IN A JAR??? 💀 the censoring was also kinda weird… like okay sure it’s all scientific but what, “the world” won’t let Ankou talk about specific things Adolphe doesn’t know yet?? Sure……. 😐

Although, no magic does make Ankou’s “vanishing” kinda hilarious since it meant he really did have to just run and hide behind whatever he could find. Like that’s inching towards JJBA part 3 DIO stopping time and carrying polnareff two steps down the staircase just to fuck with him levels of petty and dramatic LOL, but also have you seen how long and flowy this man’s hair and clothes are, Ceres how did you not notice?? Girl is you dumb??? 😂

Also I find adolphe being 25 while Ceres is 18 a little bit sus, and I’m really not a fan of the “big brother” figure becoming a love interest trope (I know they’re not blood related but still 😬). If Ankou had actually been a supernatural entity that was hundreds of years old, I would’ve been totally fine with that lmao, but him being Adolphe?? Mmmmm… mmmm unfortunately that’s a no from me, damn I’m actually kinda disappointed, just gonna make up something in my head and pretend that fact doesn’t exist 😔

I LOVE that all our boys + Jean(LOL) banded together in this route though!! Seeing them all alive made me so relieved oh my god 😭 wish we got a little bit more Lucas (yes I’m biased) but I get it, he’s too OP lmao, they literally had to nerf him with incurable anime disease before the game even started or else he’d be too much of a threat 💀

OH I FORGOT ABOUT HUGO LMAO, thanks for helping too, bud! I’m so glad you realize how Yvesexual you are in this final route!! 😂

Okay. I think that’s all the word vomit I have… tldr; Dahut is a short king, Salome kinda sucks to me, Ankou still >>> Adolphe (sorry Adolphe fans) and I wish there actually was a supernatural aspect, loved the squad of my boys + Jean helping out!

My personal character rankings now are Lucas > Jean(I know he’s not an LI just let me be delusional💀) > Ankou (took a hit being Adolphe but he’s so pretty it makes up for it) > Yves > Scien = Mathis > Adolphe

I’m still emotionally devastated but I’ll probably do the rest of the despair ends today and then all the salvation ends tomorrow/the day after depending on how long they take… I think I’ll just squeeze them all into one ramble lmao

Hoooo boy this was a doozy, still love the game despite my complaints, looking forward to being destroyed again by the salvation ends (I just know Lucas’s is gonna suck) 😂

#blupengu yells about virche evermore #virche spoilers #my post

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awritingcaitlin · 1 year

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Find the Word Tag

It was only after I set up that whole post and queued it up that I realized I used Tana's words and not the ones she tagged me for so HERE WE GO AGAIN WITH MY WORDS. (sorry @tananaphone lol) (but am I?)

MY ACTUAL WORDS ARE rope, gain, force, light, safe

Have snippets from Siege of Berthingtonn, for something different!

GAIN 🧝🏻‍♀️

Riela, of course, showed her age differently. She was still too young to have gained the ageless look elves and part elves had. Rinnie barely felt like she herself had gained that. But maybe that was only because she still felt young in comparison to many other elves she interacted with regularly. Regardless, Riela was definitely not more than fifty, and Rinnie would be surprised to learn if she was more than thirty. She was an otherwise thin and fit-looking woman who never seemed to stop moving. She kept her brown hair pulled back into a braid and while she smiled to everyone, it only looked genuine to few.

FORCE ✨

“Yes!” Rinnie hissed. “I have a plan.” She wet her hands in the sink and ran them through her hair to freshen it. “I’m going to ask Evianne to force some honesty into this conflict and make the cleric stop cheating. Once that’s taken care of, it’ll turn into her being pretty versus me being pretty. And then we’ll see whose flirting game is better.” She smoothed her skirts. “And ladies and gentlemen, no one beats my flirting.”

“Weren’t you worried about them recognizing you?” Nathaniel asked.

“Well, if they do before I can do my thing, it’s going to be a fight. But we were preparing ourselves for that anyway. As it is, I’m banking on her chalking her problems up to an off-night and moving on.”

“Steep bet,” Nathaniel warned.

“Got anything better that doesn’t involve a gunfight in a bar?” Rinnie asked.

LIGHT 🔍

“Suppose you do find her,” Risingblock said. “The airship is still leaving tonight.”

“Are you to tell me that you were just going to leave her here?” Kanjo asked angrily. “You already said you were calling back the current teams in a few hours.”

“After a certain point, we have to accept our losses and move forward,” Risingblock said. “We are bringing this Embassy down to a skeleton crew in light of the events of the other night.”

Kanjo gritted his teeth. “May I remind you that you do not write my paycheck, she does.” He slammed his palm down on Risingblock’s desk for emphasis. “You surely have a trail planned, we’ll go back then. Or, I’ll buy airship tickets and get them reimbursed. I will not leave Berthingtonn until I have found Rin, or I’ve found her corpse.”

SAFE 😥

Riela sighed. “I don’t want Berthingtonn to fall like Asnany did.”

Rinnie’s look turned horrified. “Were you there when it fell?”

Riela snorted. “You assume I’m older than I look. Half elf I may be, but I’m still young. My parents resisted the Nidtrins. As punishment, they took me away to try to brainwash me. It didn’t work.”

“You were too stubborn,” Rinnie surmised.

“That’s part of it,” Riela said. “My parents also kept in contact with me through various means. A group of Evianne clergy helped parents get in contact with their kids. They tried to break us all out when I was eleven. My parents died getting me out. Before she died, my mom told me to run to Berthingtonn where I’d be safe.” She closed her eyes. “Well, I’m here, but it’s no longer safe.”

ROPE 😬

“So, we’re taking the stairs, Sir?” Sergeant Obrix, a short, but broad, Berthan infantryman asked.

“Unless someone’s hiding a grappling hook and some rope somewhere, yes,” Killian answered.

“Sir,” Adler began slowly. “Isn’t that one of the most dangerous things you can do in a city fight?”

He hated, hated, asking that. He hated asking something that could potentially undermine Killian’s authority, over soldiers Killian didn’t know well. Adler was also certain that this was a near-suicidal order, one Killian would not have given in his right mind.

“Yup,” Killian replied. “But unless you have a better idea you’d like to share with the class, this is what we’re going to do.”

tagging @pinespittinink, @sentfromwolves, @muddshadow, @tananaphone (reverse uno) and @golden-heretic for the words: age, honesty, find, fell, slow

#tag game #find the word #my writing #siege of berthingtonn #riela #rinnie #nathaniel #kanjo #killian

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ray-the-fanatic · 2 years

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seeing leosagi trend on twitter makes me so happy though at the same time i kinda avoid it cuz a majority of it is yu/ichi usagi that's with leo and i don't wanna ruin the fun of the people who enjoy the samurai rabbit show, i tried getting into the show a month ago but it just... did not catch my eye the same way rise did

maybe it's cuz the show's not technically about the og usagi or the fact that i struggle to care about cast and story itself cuz it feels... boring to me? idk, it's just hard for me to get into shipping rise leo with yu/ichi when i'm not really interested in the character or show (yu/ichi i mean), esp when i'm more attached to everyone's version of rise usagi

sorry if this seems a bit ranty ^^;;;

Okay 1. I was answering another ask when I saw this and deiced nope I need to answer this! 2.no so yes let us talk about this because i see you I feel you and get what you mean as well.3. Sorry this is gonna be a lil long.

Okay so I recalled when they originally announced doing the samurai rabbit show and I was excited cause Usagi content. Forgot about it till finally getting back into tmnt after being convinced to finally watch rise cause o didn't when it originally aired. Which sent me down a rabbit hole obsession on usagi in time for the Samurai Rabbit show coming out. And to make this easier when I say Usagi I’ll be talking about Usagi Miyamoto and Yu/ichi for Usagi Yu/ichi yes I know they have the same first name that's the point it’s just for clarification here.

Now I do not mind the show it’s fine for what it is and I think Yu/ichi is cute and interesting but I have a love hate thing for the show. I spoke to a mutual on tiktok about this and I know I made a post on my thoughts about the show. I like the concept of Usagi descendant Yu/ichi trying to become a samurai in a future time period when Samurai aren’t around, because he idolizes Usagi. Only to find out Usagi is a bad guy so he tries to clear their name. Despite that set up its not really what we get and Yui/chi didn’t really clear their name im still annoyed about that. I do still enjoy Yu/ichi mostly the design I even drew some inspiration from it for my own rise usagi because I liked the bangs. And I do find he and rise leo could be fun buuuuuuuut He is not the Usagi I want.

See as I have gotten more into Usagi’s own series I have just really come to love the character even more and love the idea of him in rise compared to a cross over with samurai rabbit. I just love the idea of the conflict in personality I just want him to be a grounded samurai who is emotionally in touch. Like especially with Leo going into his role as a leader I just love the idea of that being when he meets Usagi because of how special that friendship is in the 03 series. Besides I enjoy the Lore of Usagi Yojimbo and would love tidbits of it in rise uwu

Well I will still share and enjoy ship art of both cause i’m greedy and like Leosagi I do agree with people that the two should have different ships names. I saw seabunny mention for rise leo and yu/ichi and thats cute. But yeah well the sudden boom on twitter been nice to see and I have a friend who prefers that version simply cause yu/ichi is cannon over a rise usagi is. Thats fine though I also feel there another reason for the push on yui/chi i’m just being skeptical though so i wont say that in this. I just personally perfect Usagi myself over yui/chi. Again theres nothing wrong with him it’s just well I feel hes getting more praise than what is earned really. Based off the show am I a fan of it? eh I like it i don't know if its something i’ll re-watch I wish the writing was better I kind wanna do a fix it fic for it but that's a lot of work compared to one shots lol

TL;DR: Well I dont mind yu/ichi as a charater when it comes to the leosagi thing esp for Rise I’m in the side of Usagi Miyamoto over Usagi Yui/chi. And feel they should have different ship names also 03/2012 usagi > over any other usagi uwu

#ask box #also this is a safe space ranting is tots allowed #just no hate allowed here

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haeresyys · 2 years

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Gonna just rattle off some of my general Dottore thoughts + headcanons here

THIS IS KINDA LONG LMAO I’M SO SORRY IN ADVANCE ENJOY MY FUCKIN... MADDENED RAMBLINGS IG??? This bitch has been living rent free in my fucking head for months now and I don’t know how to evict him

We haven't gotten confirmation either way on how the Segments work I don't think, so I'm headcanoning them as at least partially organic until further notice jgksdjgk

Also I know we got that shot of that weird THING where Dottore's eyes should be when his model got posted, but you can pry red-eyed Dottore from my cold dead hands !!!!

(I personally think they just fucking slapped some textures under there because we're not supposed to see what his eyes look like yet. Think Kaeya's eye under the patch)

The way I draw him, he does have scars around his eyes underneath his mask, though I've probably tweaked how they look about half a dozen times by now. I'll post him later probably

My idea with that oneshot I wrote is that, despite his best efforts not to, Dottore is still capable of feeling emotions. Beyond basic things such as anger though he is... Not very well in touch with them. He insists he doesn't feel guilt in disposing of the other Segments. (If anything he almost sounded happy abt it while talking to Nahida bc it sounds like they never shut the fuck up lmfao) It only starts to sink in that maybe he does have some regrets when he starts having those nightmares.

He had countless pairs of eyes to give himself different views of the world, and now he only has himself. But he keeps pushing onward and shoving it back down, because to accomplish his goals, no length is too far. Dottore is completely and utterly ruthless, I think we all know this by now.

That also lends credence to how he could end up playable as well. I personally see him eventually getting a Cryo Vision, as (iirc) it's been shown that basically every Cryo user we've gotten so far has gotten theirs due to family conflict. And when you think about it, what he did to the Segments could be interpreted as him effectively killing his brethren or maybe some kind of extremely convoluted suicide WHDFHDSF it could honestly go either way

It's still too early to say on the Vision front tho lmfao it'll likely be a good year before he's playable

Moving back onto the Segments for a moment, the reason he gives in-game for creating them is... A lot more understandable than I expected. Giving himself multiple views of the world and effectively stopping time for that version of himself. The lengths he goes to in pursuit of knowledge are genuinely fucking impressive, and also go to show how utterly unhinged he is.

I saw this on Twitter first, but Dottore is extremely focused on preserving the past. Even outside of the Segments, there's lore in artifact descriptions and the like that point back to him as well, and though he keeps it under tight wraps, his conversation with Nahida gives a lot more insight into his mindset + who he is as a person than at first glance.

He says it himself: Humans have a hard time making peace with themselves. Wouldn't that also imply things like the passage of time? Growing older, and one's own mortality?

CHRIST I KNOW THIS IS A LOT BUT I THINK DOTTORE IS THE MOST INVESTED I'VE BEEN IN A CHARACTER IN A LONG FUCKING TIME LOL I AM FILLED WITH THOUGHTS™

There's a lot of potential with his character, and I think that's part of why I love him so much. He's just so fucking fascinating to me. Like. I know I haven't done RP shit in a long ass time (definitely FAR less than I used to), but Dottore is the closest thing I've had to a muse in years. Getting into his head is so unbelievably fucking fun for me

Anyway rant over lmfao back to your regularly scheduled whatever

#babbles #Jace writes #Dottore

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philhoffman · 2 years

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Revisiting 25th Hour (2002) for this week’s Monday Philm, Spike Lee’s post-9/11 adaptation of the David Benioff novel. I saw it for the first time last year and since then I’ve watched a few of PSH’s scenes on their own, but this was my first complete rewatch. I was really looking forward to it — and it didn’t disappoint!

I totally melted into the style this time. It’s not a normal film. I watched it with my mom, who said she enjoyed it but couldn’t even put her finger on what genre it was. Spike Lee’s style — the editing, the cuts, freeze-frames, dolly shots, timeline jumps, meandering scenes — is much easier to digest once you’re already familiar with the story. I haven’t quite made up my mind about Edward Norton. I like him, he has charm, but you could probably switch out Monty for his Will Graham (from last week’s Red Dragon) and no one would notice the difference lol? I’ll have to watch more of his work to see if he does anything else! But his “fuck you” bathroom monologue is a highlight — as is Brian Cox’s monologue at the end of the film.

Jakob Elinsky is a great character but most importantly he is a loser — and an awful teacher! It’s funny bc I know if I had seen this movie several years ago when I was crushing on my high school teachers, I would’ve been all over him, but now that I’m older I am fully prepared to beat him back with a baseball bat. He’s so slimy! I really felt that on this rewatch for some reason. He’s a good friend to Monty, a teacher a respectable school, dogs love him, his buddies clown on him for being so naïve and innocent — but actually he’s kind of weak-willed and creepy! He’s still all of those other, positive things, but that doesn’t negate the fact that he is fully aware that what he’s doing is wrong and does it anyway.

Seems like a somewhat early depiction of that specific kind of perv, who hides behind a harmless, I-know-it’s-wrong-but demeanor. More subtle than Allen in Happiness, yet clearly nowhere near as wholesome as State and Main’s Joe White. Phil’s performance walks that line and challenges the viewer, dares you to like him almost. And I do, sort of? Moral conflict! Cognitive dissonance! Our guy can do it all. Maybe Jakob just needs some therapy (and to find a new job). Definitely an overlooked character when people discuss PSH’s “losers and freaks,” as they often call his roles. And boyyy do I wish we could find out what happens next for Jake the Snake.

On this viewing, I noticed and loved the way Mary takes off Jake’s Yankee’s hat almost as soon as he leaves the bathroom. Like, the look on her face says enough, but that extra action, as if she suddenly cannot stand the thought of any part of him touching any part of her... wow. Anna Paquin’s performance is fantastic, going from a girl trying so hard to be a woman to — instantly and silently — a frightened child, in over her head, is dizzying.

#so funny that this came out the same years as PDL. how is that the same guy.#monday philm #25th hour #philip seymour hoffman #psh #*#about to contract everything I just said by adding. that last scene. his jeans and his belly. mwahhh yakov I love you <3

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kira-the-whump-enthusiast · 2 years

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Introduction!

Redoing my intro post cuz I felt like it lol (copied this from Whumpmas in July day 1)

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Name: I’m Kira! That’s the name I primarily use on this corner of the internet, but you can also call me Kiara, Nicholas, or Lysander. I’m a bit of a name hoarder.

Gender: Male, he/him 🏳️‍⚧️

Favorite season: Winter! It’s the perfect time to stay cozy indoors.

Average amount of sleep: Normal amount. I have a good sleep schedule.

Dream job: One that gives me a lot of money.

Blog established: April 2022!

Reason for URL: My name is Kira and I am a whump enthusiast.

Fave Whump Tropes: Oh it is tangent time.

For whumpees, my all time favorites are villain whumpees/whumper-turned whumpees, and immortal whumpees. I love villain whumpees and whumper-turned whumpees because it always adds a lot of juicy character dynamics. Like whumpers being convinced that they’re the good guy, or caretakers being conflicted on whether to help them. the whumpee thinking they deserved the pain, or that no one would want to help them because they’re not good. And maybe that’s partially true, but they still get care and love and help anyways, no matter if they’re a bad person or not. I like immortal whumpees for a simpler reason. They can take anything you throw at them and you can really go to the extremes of hurt. It’s so fun!

For whumpers, I think my main taste is that they think they’re the good guys, or at least their actions are justifiable in some way. These are my favorite for reasons I can’t quite explain.

As for hurt tropes, I love love love electrocution and asphyxiation. Starvation too, it’s the best. Isolation and sensory deprivation always hit the spot too.

I’m not really into comfort as much as hurt. Don’t really have any fave tropes there.

Other tropes I like are fear, begging, and whumpee thinking caretaker is their new whumper.

Projects you’re working on: 😭 I’ve got too many but I’ll never finish them all.

Favorite color: Blue. Will fight anyone who calls me basic.

Extra: Whump and OC making are the only things I do now lol. I should talk about the latter more.

#whump intro #whump introduction

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the-sappho-of-lesbos · 2 years

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I worry about you seeing some of your personal posts. Other anons have said it too, but you seem to truly hate so much of yourself. I am not saying this to try to be unkind or hateful, it just truly hurts to see people, especially intelligent, thoughtful ones, do this to themselves. I hope you get the happiness and love you deserve, truly. I just hope you learn to stop giving in to the self hatred and commit to the incredibly brave act of learning to forgive and love yourself first. Please treat yourself with the gentleness and kindness you would give your younger self. They're still there.

And please remember, nobody's timeline is the same. Some people find their true love in their teens, some in their late forties some in the retirement home. Some people marry young and end up miserable and some stay single most of their lives and are truly happy, even if they aren't aromantic. Things happen in their own time, you are not restricted to some imaginary social checklist.

Good luck, honestly and truly. I wish you nothing but happiness.

-love, a very late blooming lesbian who took a very long time to find herself, love herself, and find someone else to love her too 💜

I’m so sorry it took me so long to reply to this!! I kept trying to get my thoughts right on what to say but I don’t know if I’ll be able to lol. So I apologise in advance if this is just a jumbled mess that makes so sense whatsoever.

But firstly thank you for being so kind 💕💕💕 it truly warms my heart and means a lot to me 💕

Ever since I started therapy I’ve jumped around “I hate myself” to “ can I really say I hate myself?”. I get conflicted because I feel like my actions and desires don’t always align with that self hatred. I buy myself things. I can definitely argue I do it sometimes in an OCD related way, to fill the void, , impulsivity issues. or a self harm sort of way. But sometimes I just see something I want and get it for myself. I start to wonder can I really say I hate myself if I do that. Would I happily buy something for someone I hated. I don’t know. And with how much I crave love and relationships. I’m definitely on my last tether with the whole thing , and I give up hope a lot, but I still try in my own way to get it. If I hated myself would I do that. Maybe just makes me a horrible person to chase after something so vulnerable and beautiful when I dislike myself so much. Butch

But also I don’t look at myself and feel joy. Most of the time I feel a massive disconnect to be honest. Like I’m not actually me, or I never have been me, or I don’t even know what me is. Sometimes it feels like my soul is disconnected from my brain and my brain is disconnected from my body. Like there are three layers of me that aren’t tethered together properly and all just floating around. So when I say I hate myself what part am I referring to. Because they often don’t feel like the same person. It’s like everything is fuzzy but clear all at the same time. As if I’m half awake and half asleep. So when I do feel hatred what part is it for. But also how do I fix it when everything is just floating away.

That sense of wanting to be neutral at the very least is sting. But it’s hard to catch that feeling when so much is going on in my head. This probably makes so sense but I often don’t feel real while simultaneously feeling so unbearably real it hurts.

So self hatred gets mucked up in all that. I don’t know what I can call she and what I can’t. Where it starts with me and where it starts with my circumstances. Or not being able to reach this fictions ideal of life I’ve built up in my head from an early age. I don’t feel cut out for living - not necessarily always in a suicidal way, just in an this doesn’t feel real or I don’t think I’m feeling what I’m supposed to kind of way. Like a blocked up river or something. Things aren’t flowing the way they feel like they should.

And just with the way my brain I’m so enamoured with ides of love. It’s probably so unhealthy and unrealistic and I’m probably never doing to find what fantasy I’ve built up in my head - and I know it’s just exasperated by the hole and emptiness I feel in my chest. But I wholeheartedly genuinely don’t know how to stop those feelings. I don’t know how to not crave the love and relationships I do. Or to just be content with what I have and wait for love. I want to. I just don’t know how. But maybe with more therapy I’ll get there one day. Because I think having that more grounded and understanding approach to relationships will go a really long way :)

And I completely feel like I’ve lost my train of thought now lolol.

But genuinely thank you again so much for reaching out and being so kind and helpful. It warms my heart so much 💕💕💕

I hope you have a say just as beautiful as your heart!! 💕💕💕💕💕💖💖🌸

#asks #anon #answered #tw #trigger warning

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ram-de · 1 year

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[Book] Ari&Dante (1) ~P101

[~p10]

I... This book... Umm😳

So. This is another impulsive beginning of starting another book... I never knew about the existence of this novel two days ago. My sister asked me if I had another book to read, and, frankly, I said no because I still have several other thing to read and I’m a slow reader. But I looked of fiction titles anyway... Just some random keywords like ‘Novel about X’ or ‘Things to read about Y’ and stuff like that. And I’ve come across this one.

IT’S ONLY 10 PAGES but i feel like the synopsis set me up for something exciting like... I LIKE IT... Mostly the bite-sized chapters so I can read it when I could and not forgetting which part of the chapter I’m in. So... Okay. Like, compared to the one book I read but I haven’t picked up again because I kept nitpicking about it (i see u hikkikomori chan from 2015...) BUT THIS ONE... ok. ok. ARGH.

The first three chapters is what the early part of the introduction. Like, getting to know about our main protagonist, his relation with his family, upbringing and what bothers him. That’s mostly it. This is far too early to write anything about what I thoughts lol but i’m excited to pour my excitement into words so I can’t help but write about it. expecting good vibes. HA....

*I just looked it up but the term ‘book’ and ‘novel’ aren’t interchangeable?!?! there’s like word count and stuff. oh well maybe I’ll just change the title of this kind of thing later on >_> -------------------------------------------------------

[~p20]

Interrupting reading more to write some of my thoughts is a bad idea i swear but UHHH I’M😳

...

i love them ur honor. it’s so fluffy (as of now, bcs there’s probably angst and conflict later) but like the way characters is portrayed is soooooooo good. i am feeling things!!!! it’s making my heart warm!!!! and the tropes... opposites attract?????? two lonely peeps finding comfort in one another????? okay... OK??? HELLO...

-------------------------------------------------------

[~p76]

uh... why do i feel so sad now. ari is having a fever and he’s sick and he started to have all this dreams which i don’t really understand because dreams are dreams but i feel like i’ll understand the more i read but IT HURTS. moving onto the second chapter i feel like the aspect of loneliness is going to be described more and it’s scary... i think.

i think summer break is over and supposedly they’re going to admit back to school? something about ari being happy to know even a tiny bit of his dad ‘being real’. so precious... love that there’s a lot of light dialogues, makes it seems like i’m intruding their conversation. also i said some stuff about liking opposites attract but i didn’t know they’re also going to put angst with that because... dante seems like the one to have everything (emphasis on seems because he has something going on too) while ari lowkey feels like he doesn’t compare and jealousy and stuff😔 i’m lowkey dumb about philosophy and like the deeper meaning so i’ll just read it as i read. NOT ANGST... PLEASE...

-------------------------------------------------------

[~p101]

...

no one told me there’s going to be angst... and the trope of sudden “i will be moving abroad”... and the accident... and now that i’m almost 1/3rd of reading the whole book.... maybe i should take my time reading. BUT I CAN’T HELP IT....? i’m to engrossed in reading this ugh... i really liked ari and dante’s convo they make me laugh!! the repeated words in their convo. like. idk. it felt so endearing i don’t really know what else to describe. digging down to ari’s fear is scary because it’s kinda described in umm... a little bit too uncanny description, i guess? like okay... >_>

this post is so messy lol i want to write a post about what i thought overall about this novel, but after i read it whole. so that it can be more better worded and i’m not interrupted every 20 minutes because the urge to read more lol

#readingrams #Review as I read #ari&dante

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devilsskettle · 2 years

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i forget whose tags these were but i’m borrowing them because i’ve been thinking about this exact thing basically since i first watched the movie lol and yeah i feel the same way, i am so like. compelled by the main group of characters, especially maxine, and the overall vibe or whatever, i think it has great atmosphere/setting and a lot of gore and like slasher shit that i enjoyed, but i don’t like basically the premise of the movie. like half of the plot. because i hate the antagonists, i’m just never gonna be onboard with the “creepy old people” thing, i think they went way over the top with trying to make them look “gross” which i actually think made it less effective and it would’ve been a better movie if they’d gone with older-but-not-quite-elderly normal looking people tbh, the script would have minimal to no changes with that decision anyway, though i have some editing ideas for more thematic clarity and cohesiveness lol, but yeah i think that trope is super ineffective in general and also i think there’s a lot of implications with how they handled like aging etc that i don’t like and somehow it was also super aimless, like “yeah. uh, scary old people. don’t think about it too much” even though it’s actively raising a lot of questions about filmmaking and exploitation and sex appeal and the fleeting nature of youth/“the x factor” as they say. i am so conflicted about whether or not it’s actually successful in making any point in particular and i don’t think it is lol, it just leaves a lot of questions floating around, even if they’re pretty good questions. i a don’t need everything wrapped up neatly, sometimes it’s good for a movie to make you question things instead of like preaching at you, but i also think the movie acts like it was trying to make a specific point? and the first half of the movie does have that specificity but then. yeah. it got aimless. and then it tries to shoehorn in some religious shit in at the last minute? it’s sort of peppered in once or twice but not effectively and it’s like, pick one or two things to focus on and do them well. but the overall experience of watching the movie for me kind of outweighs the bad, there are so many scenes i do like, basically all the scenes that are character-focused wrt the main group, and a lot of the horror scenes are really fun and well done imo and gory, and re: horror: it’s very clearly in conversation around 70s slasher movies especially tcm in a way that i found very thought provoking, it’s possible that i’m reading too much into it but it’s both a celebration and a criticism of the genre without meta about the genre (though it’s self reflexive about itself) which i think is unique in a post-slasher, post-scream landscape of cinema, and it’s like this is the closest thing i’ve seen in modern horror to be a genuine slasher. and like you get the sense that that’s what they set out to do and when the camera guy says it’s possible to make a good dirty movie, we know what they mean is we’re gonna make a good slasher movie and here it is, which is pretentious lol and i have some problems with what that implies about all those other trashy thoughtless bad slasher movies, like they’re different. ha. but it’s also clever and the audience is in on the joke and i don’t think it shies away from any slasher shit like they let it be gory and sometimes absurd and that’s a risk horror movies tend not to take nowadays because they don’t want it to be seen as trashy mindless stupid etc. anyway, also it has a great ending for the most part so when it leaves you with that, that’s the energy and experience you walk away with and idk it worked on me lol. it makes no damn sense, compels me though or whatever. oh damn i just thought of a bunch of other new things but this is already getting to be a sizable tangent so i’ll stop here. in conclusion: mia goth

#x 2022 #in my drafts somewhere i had some more cohesive thoughts from directly after watching the movie but it’s pretty buried #maybe i’ll post it or some of it but i am still conflicted lol #i think there were some things that some reviews i saw had issues with that i thought was a bit. you know. pearl clutching #but there was other shit i saw that was like yeah actually you make a good point and that’s a significant issue with the film #and how much of the bad are you willing to overlook to still enjoy the good etc #i have thoughts but no answer. much like the movie itself lol #x series

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yeetlegay · 2 years

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Shifting power dynamics in episode 4: a stupidly long meta

I've already talked about episode 4 in two different posts, a vocal analysis for Kinn and an analysis of the ownership/possession motif in eps 1-4. Even with those two posts (which I wrote and posted in the span of like 48 hours, rip my brain), there was still so much that I wanted to talk about in episode 4, so here goes my third meta of the week. Buckle up besties, this is a LONG one.

Disclaimer: I don’t want to get into the whole dubcon discourse piece of this. I get that people have Opinions, but I am here for shenanigans only and I think I’ve answered the amount of asks about it that I really care to. To sum up: I don’t mind dubcon in fiction! I can get behind just about any fictional relationship no matter how problematic as long as they give me a compelling story with compelling characters and the problematic elements serve a narrative purpose and are handled well. Fiction, for me, is ultimately just that: fiction.

With the above disclaimer in mind, this post isn’t so much about power as it relates to consent, but about how power made a pretty dramatic change of hands in this episode, and what I think that means for the story to come. I’ll be focusing a lot on body language, but also on how certain scenes and shots are framed, and referring back to my vocal analysis a lot so I don’t end up just rehashing what I said there. Fair warning, my background is in sociology, specifically micro, so I tend to run away with details when talking about this sort of thing lol.

I talked about this here after episode 3, but as I hoped, that kiss on the pier (which didn’t happen in the book) completely altered the build-up to their first time.

That kiss on the pier is actually kind of genius bc from the preview we know they’re still doing the roofie scene, but by having them kiss before that (albeit a little drunk) they’ve given a totally different context to build from. Kinn and Porsche have already had a moment where they acknowledged their attraction to each other, even if it wasn’t out loud, so it means when that scene does come, it’ll be clear for both of them that even if the drug is affecting Porsche, it’s not actually making him ask for something he doesn’t already want.

This doesn’t take away from the fact that it’s still dubcon. (Again, not getting into it, but wanted to make sure that’s clear.) But it means a lot for how both Kinn and Porsche approach that moment through episode 4.

We open with Porsche waking up the next morning, vaguely remembering a kiss and not seeming bothered by it, more intrigued than anything else. Mirror that scene, where Porsche more or less shrugs off the encounter, with Kinn’s morning. He’s looking at himself in the mirror, lost in his thoughts, conflicted and confused by what happened the night before. We realize later on that some of that confusion is because he gave Porsche an intimacy that he doesn’t seem to give anyone else he’s involved with: a kiss. His internal turmoil isn’t just because he’s attracted to Porsche, which comes with its own problems, but because he wants him in a way he hasn’t wanted anyone in a long time, maybe ever. The kiss, and even the fact that it didn’t go further, is proof of that.

Kinn's body language in this scene is...unusual. When do we ever see his shoulders hunched forward like that, leaning his weight against something? It ruins that perfect, confident posture and makes him look more vulnerable. We're also seeing him shirtless, which obvs yay for Kinn tiddies, but we haven't really seen that a lot from him either. He's always wearing a suit, casual clothes, even a fancy pajama set that makes him look like a sexc grandpa. But we're literally seeing him more or less naked here (the towel doesn't want to be there either, bless it), stripped literally and figuratively. He doesn't look like a powerful and untouchable mafia prince here. He looks conflicted, fallible, and painfully human.

@luckydragon10 wrote a little meta about the use of mirrors here and even though that post is about a different scene, she brings up the GREAT point that we have yet to see Porsche in a mirrored surface by himself. Kinn, meanwhile, is here in this scene fully exposed, staring directly at his reflection. I'm not a color theory expert AT ALL (that would be @antique-forvalaka) but the gold sconces are very eye-catching here; since gold is the mafia's color, maybe that's a hint as to where Kinn's headspace is at in this moment.

But anyway, my point is that we're seeing Kinn's confusion and inner conflict here very clearly. We see how seriously he's thinking about the previous night, how much it presses on him. That wasn't "just a kiss" for Kinn. The mirror, the body language, the slightly vignetted flashback, the music choice, the lack of clothing, all tell us Kinn is feeling vulnerable in this moment over that kiss. Which by extension tells us quite a bit about how much he feels for Porsche already.

Moving on to the cigarette lighter scene (idk what else to call this lol).

The blocking here is interesting. I don't want to read too much into it, but notice how Porsche is in the foreground, the sunlight angling down from the top right toward him. His hands are crossed in front of his stomach, making him look casual but reserved, as though he's placing a barrier between him and Vegas. He doesn't fully angle his body toward Vegas, just leans his head in a little. Vegas, meanwhile, is standing with his back to the light and is a step or two further away from the camera. He looks physically smaller, which he is, but the shot exaggerates it just a little. He's reaching his whole arm out, staring at Porsche, bringing the lighter right to his mouth, his torso open but angled away a little like Porsche. And the shot doesn't fully capture his body like it does Porsche, cutting off an arm and part of his shoulder.

This shot centers Porsche, makes him look powerful. Everything in the shot leans into him—the lighting, the camera, Vegas himself. He doesn't look like Vegas's equal; he looks like his superior.

I'll also say the optics of Vegas bringing the light to his cigarette is a neat little metaphor for how Vegas not only approaches Porsche with malicious intent (fire is, uh, kind of bad unless it's in a fireplace or a BTS song), but how he also brings conflict to Porsche and sets off trouble between him and Kinn.

(Also once again referencing @antique-forvalaka's incredible color theory series because look at all the green in this scene. Porsche literally has a wall of green behind him, which as noted in her post here seems to indicate danger.)

I told y'all I was gonna dig into this episode, didn't I? 😂

This shot of Kinn feels odd, doesn't it? We're not used to seeing Kinn hide. In fact, aside from that gunfight scene in episode 1 when he (very understandably) ducked behind some boxes to avoid getting shot, I can't recall him ever being an observer or hidden presence in a scene. When he's on the screen, everyone knows it. It's hard to fit his power and charisma into a room.

But here, he looks...small. He's outsized by the rest of the frame, surrounded by (interestingly imo) an awful lot of glass. The plant in the foreground adds to this effect (and once again, it's green!), and even though he's in focus, he still feels almost like part of the background.

Kinn just doesn't do this sort of thing. He doesn't make himself smaller, he doesn't eavesdrop, he doesn't sneak. And yet here he is, trying to be invisible, all so he can watch Porsche and Vegas together, all because he's jealous and out of his depth.

The pool scene is really where we get the first big flashy sign that that something is shifting in their power dynamic. I chose the screenshot above as an example of what's happening here, but I could've picked like 20 different frames that give the same information from a different angle.

Look at their body language first. Porsche, standing tall, shoulders back, looking relaxed and comfortable, if a little annoyed. He's taking up space, arms at his sides swinging a little carelessly as he turns. He's looking at Kinn over his shoulder, body angled away from him, ready to leave, not at all cowed or diminished by Kinn's attempts to scold him. Honestly, he looks like he's only barely stopping himself from rolling his eyes.

Then we have Kinn, one hand in his pocket (does he usually put his hands in his pockets? I feel like I haven't seen him do it very much but no time to go back and comb through 3 episodes to find out), the other hand resting a little awkwardly on the railing. His whole body is directed at Porsche, chin tilted up when he usually keeps it tilted a little down, which adds to his usual aura of understated power. Because of this angle, his figure is much narrower than Porsche's. He takes up much less space in the frame.

Now look at their backdrop. Porsche is standing in front of empty space, buildings framing either side of him but not crowding into his figure directly and making him look compressed. Kinn, meanwhile, is standing almost directly in front of what looks like a skyscraper in the distance, with other slightly shorter buildings closer behind him. The effect is stark when you notice it. He's crowded in, almost dwarfed by that backdrop. He looks even smaller with that tall building stretching over his head.

And I'm not done! I saw some discussion about mirrors and reflections this week, although no full meta posts that I've come across yet (please link if there are any, I'd love to read it!). But look at their reflections in the water in this shot. It exaggerates what we see even further. Porsche is bigger, wider, more clearly defined, while Kinn is smaller, narrower, and and more vague.

That's not even touching on the dialogue, which is a whole thing in and of itself. I talk more about this in my vocal analysis for episode 4, but basically Kinn is messy in this scene. He doesn’t have a plan for what to say to Porsche when he gets there and it shows. He uses filler words, he hesitates, he fumbles for what to say. He calls out after Porsche (”Wait!”) with none of his usual authority or confidence. Kinn is out of his depth. He wants to know what Porsche is thinking about the previous night, but he doesn’t know how to ask. If Porsche’s answer didn’t mean so much to Kinn, he’d have less trouble asking for it. (I’m reminded for some reason of that quote from Emma: “If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.”)

All of this gives us the overwhelming sense that Kinn is the one standing on sand in this scene. He’s the one floundering, trying to make sense of that kiss, trying to behave like it doesn’t matter while at the same time seeking Porsche out the first chance he gets to talk about it, to determine what to do based on how Porsche is reacting. If he’d already decided to forget the kiss happened or brush it off and move on, he wouldn’t need to talk to Porsche first thing the next morning. He wouldn’t need to couch his questions in vague terms. In doing both of those things, he’s giving Porsche power, power to determine how Kinn feels, how he acts, how he interprets that kiss.

After the scene by the pool, Kinn has his feet under him a little bit. Now he knows where he stands with Porsche. Even if his feelings are still confused and chaotic, they’re his to deal with alone. He doesn’t have to worry about Porsche’s reaction, about how Porsche’s perception of him might have changed. He knows he made himself vulnerable with Porsche through that kiss, and he’s relieved Porsche doesn’t have the memory to turn over in his clever head until he figures out what it means.

So here in the sauna he’s more relaxed, settled back into his skin. That confidence and charisma is back. He fills up the screen, makes Porsche be the guest in his space, even though Porsche was there first. And he wants Porsche to stay, despite how affected Kinn is by him. Simply put, he likes Porsche’s company. He still feels that pull to be around him even if it doesn’t help his feelings resolve themselves.

I go back and forth about the framing in the first part of this scene. Porsche is still in the forefront for the most part, but Kinn is just as much a focus point as he is despite not being centered in the shot. The height of that upper seat gives Kinn an edge. He chose it on purpose, to be above Porsche. He spreads his arms wide and relaxes, but his legs stay crossed as opposed to Porsche, who spreads his whole body wide. Kinn is still, on some level, making himself a little smaller, drawing in, even as he tries to exude his usual controlled power.

And Kinn is the one to look down at Porsche, to start up a conversation, to open up a path for them to talk casually. He’s the one who, almost immediately after that conversation begins, gets down under the guise of adding more water, just so he can sit next to Porsche, be level with him, close to him, equal to him. He’s the one who asks about Porsche’s little brother.

Again, I go into the dialogue more in my vocal meta, but basically what he’s doing, as the scene goes on, is a form of mirroring. This is a way of echoing people’s speech patterns and mannerisms to make yourself seem more likeable to them. It’s a very natural, unconscious social behavior that we do from a young age. The fact that Kinn does it so much with Porsche is telling, because he doesn’t seem to do it much with anyone else. He’s used to being the one everyone else mirrors, being the star at the center of his solar system.

His body language, when he sits down next to Porsche, enhances this effect. His arms are again spread wide, legs uncrossed now, his head turning again and again to look sideways at Porsche, which in the process of trying to appear unaffected, makes him look even more affected. Porsche meanwhile keeps his arms at his sides or bent at the elbows against the upper seat, and he doesn’t turn his torso toward Kinn to talk.

Essentially, Kinn is trying every trick he knows to find intimacy with Porsche, not even physically but emotionally. And in doing so, he’s giving up some of his power. He’s letting Porsche in, despite his rational instincts telling him not to.

And then this dumbass, so easily pulled into Porsche’s orbit despite Porsche doing literally nothing to encourage him, starts nosing around Porsche’s love life. I’m gonna make fun of him for this forever, because it’s just so hamfisted and juvenile. “You being here doesn’t make your girlfriend angry?” “If you were a girl, would you like a guy like me?”

Absolutely humiliating and I hope when Porsche realizes later on what those questions were about, he teases the fuck out of him for it.

But his approach to Porsche, stupid as it is, shows that despite how confident he is in everything else, he’s really kind of shit at communicating in general, and even worse at flirting. He just can’t help himself. He gravitates toward Porsche. Even after seemingly finding some sense of closure on that kiss in the previous scene, he’s still giving into these little urges to know more about Porsche, to poke around for possibilities.

A little note: I don’t have room for a screenshot, but the first shot of the sauna scene has Kinn peering through a narrow glass window into the sauna. It makes him look smaller, surrounded on all sides by a fuckton of wood. I just think that’s interesting.

A second little note: When Porsche is staring at him, leaning in for a kiss to faceplant on his dick, Kinn doesn’t move away. He’s once again letting Porsche lead, hoping Porsche will make his own feelings clear somehow.

So I’m actually not gonna talk about the Kinn/Vegas pissing contest scene because while Kinn and Porsche are both present, I’m more interested in discussing how their dynamic is shifting just between themselves. Kinn behaves differently in this scene, much more like his usual self, because they’re not alone. If you want to hear a bit of my thoughts on the scene though, I do discuss it in my other two ep 4 metas (linked at the beginning of this post) a little more.

But I do want to talk about the scene above. Once again we see Kinn hiding, eavesdropping on Porsche’s interaction with someone else. We see him through all those little flecks of gold (once again, color theory taking over my brain lol) as he listens to Porsche tell Big off.

The thing is, why is he there? Why does he leave that guy (I’m calling him Angel since we don’t have a name for him yet) alone in his room to follow after Porsche? Is he planning on stopping Porsche, and if so, what for? To ask him if he’s okay with Kinn being gay, to scold him, to say it wasn’t what it looked like, or something else?

I don’t really have an explanation tbh, and maybe that’s intentional on the writers’ part. Maybe Kinn just had a gut reaction to follow Porsche, without knowing why. And by following him, once again he’s playing into that power shift, instinctively chasing after him to find out what he thinks and feels, concealing his presence when it means he can watch Porsche and potentially understand him better.

This scene is more about Porsche and establishing his lack of homophobia than moving Kinn in any particular direction, but it still tells us a little bit about Kinn. He hasn’t managed to smother that need to follow Porsche, to hear his thoughts and feelings.

We then jump from the “hiding in the curtains” scene into a scene with Pete and Porsche where Porsche realizes Kinn was the one he kissed. I think it’s interesting that he asks the question “Can two people who don’t like each other/aren’t a couple kiss?” (Something might be getting lost in translation here, as Porsche seems pretty well-versed in casual sex so it wouldn’t make sense for him to clutch his pearls over a kiss between two people who aren’t in love or a couple. I’m wondering if by “like” they just mean “are attracted to” or if it does connote Feels.)

That little scene sets us up for the shirt-off scene (I genuinely don’t know what else to call it lol). I know this has had a lot of people kind of confused and I personally got some questions about it (@ladyoftheinternet and @biochemjess are the ones I remember but I may be forgetting someone else).

I don’t know if I have any genius insights to offer lol, but I do think we can chalk up some of the tension in the first part of this scene to just straight-up awkwardness. I mean, the last time they saw each other Kinn just about had his dick in someone else’s mouth. I’d be a little awkward too the next time I saw him, no matter which character I was in that situation.

I do think it’s interesting that Kinn, when he first walks in, is very much inhabiting his usual self-assured, charismatic prince persona. He’s not bothered by Porsche knowing he’s gay, and he’s probably trying not to be awkward about what Porsche saw, so there’s a little bit of cover-up happening here too. I think we may be getting so used to him being different around Porsche, softer, more dynamic, less well-controlled, that when we see him stepping back into his typical aura and mannerisms, it feels wrong somehow, like a kind of tension or stiffness. If you compare the Kinn in the first part of this scene to the Kinn in episode 1, there isn’t much of a noticeable difference.

That’s how we know he’s lying through his teeth and with every part of his body.

I’d love to hear other people’s thoughts on what makes him feel the need to make that shift, to try and regain the upper hand with Porsche. I suspect there are a lot of different contributing factors here, such as:

Porsche saw him a little more vulnerable (crucially, without Kinn’s consent), talking about how he has something on his mind, seeing him shy away from kissing Angel.

He’s approaching Porsche now to inform him he’s been traded back to Kinn. We don’t know how that decision happened or what Kinn did to get him back, but I doubt Tankhun was easy to convince. So some of that emotional/mental journey from the bedroom scene to now might simply be missing.

This scene also reminds me a little of earlier by the pool, when Kinn is posturing and trying to seem nonchalant and in control in front of Porsche, all the while reeling inside. Kinn is a little more secure now, but as he said himself to Angel, something’s been bothering him. He’s just gotten better at hiding it from Porsche.

Interestingly, Kinn is once again approaching Porsche, seeking him out, even as he works to exude that usual power and ease. He enters the scene with the intent to treat Porsche like he would anyone else.

But Porsche isn’t on the same wavelength. He greets him casually, not like his boss, slumping and smiling a little self-deprecatingly, making a joke about Kinn always catching him lately. He’s ready to pick up where they left off in the sauna, comfortable and friendly.

When Kinn tells him to stand up in that firm, controlled tone, you can see the way Porsche shifts into a different mode, basically thinking, “Okay, so it’s like that now.”

When he takes his shirt off (after initially saying no, seemingly moreso out of confusion than anything else), he looks around to make sure they’re alone, but I don’t necessarily think he has Kinn making a pass at him on his bingo card in this moment. Taking his shirt off for his boss would look odd no matter what the context. I personally don’t read too much into it, but others may have more thoughts on it.

I want to talk about the body language here though. Porsche is being...shifty. When Kinn reaches out to touch his arm, he goes with it without resistance, but he can’t meet Kinn’s eyes. He’s looking everywhere but at Kinn’s face. Combine that with how his jaw is working, his torso going a little stiff so even as Kinn pulls him forward, he’s still not facing him directly.

He looks pissed off.

He got comfortable with Kinn, friendly with him, and now after remembering their kiss, he has a better idea of why Kinn’s been so off, even if he’s not really sure if what specifically is going through his mind. So with Kinn treating him like this, with distance and emphasis on the power imbalance between them, it confuses him further. If Kinn likes him, why would he treat him like this? If he wants him, why isn’t he doing something about it?

Porsche is waiting for Kinn to tell him what the kiss meant. And Kinn has been waiting for Porsche to tell him the exact same thing.

Porsche is understandably frustrated, and it shows. He keeps his body angled a little away from Kinn, posture loose and almost confrontational, agitated, his expression tense. He wants Kinn to explain himself, and instead all he sees is the Kinn who kidnapped him from Yok’s bar and choked him in front of a crowd of people to prove a point. He knows that Kinn and the one who kissed him on the pier don’t add up. But he also knows he can’t be the one to bring it up, not with how badly it could go for him as Kinn’s employee.

So he asks the only question he can ask: “If it weren’t for Tankhun, would you have taken me back?”

But let’s talk about Kinn. Like in the pool scene, even though he starts off controlled and distant, it’s an effort he can’t maintain for long. Over the course of the scene, he gradually grows more expressive, gets closer to Porsche, faces him directly.

Pay attention to Kinn’s microexpressions as he delivers the line above. Notice how he leans in. How his brows lift and pull together slightly. He’s stepping into Porsche’s space, putting his full focus on Porsche, speaking softly and almost intimately despite what he’s saying.

This isn’t him dismissing Porsche or putting him in his place. This look? Is him begging. When he says, “To me, all of our people are the same,” he’s not telling Porsche this. It’s more like he’s pleading with Porsche, with himself, for this to be true. He’s not holding power in this scene, despite his best efforts. He’s gravitating toward Porsche, his whole body oriented toward Porsche. He’s trying to push Porsche away, but only succeeds in bringing himself closer.

Porsche, meanwhile, is angled away. He’s keeping a distance that Kinn isn’t, acting almost aloof from him. He’s much more serious and muted in this moment than he has been previously, and even though he’s clearly confused over that kiss on the pier and Kinn’s potential attraction to him, he doesn’t understand his feelings yet, not the way Kinn understands (and continues to deny and reject) his. In this scene, Porsche holds the cards, even if he doesn’t fully know it yet. (He won’t know it until Kinn kisses him again.)

Why this all feels incredibly kinky

This post is getting stupidly long, literally longer than a lot of my college papers, so while I want to talk a little more about the ending, the scene-by-scene stops here. (Sadly I couldn’t even get to the Kinn/Tay/Time scene, but there’s some stuff there that could be unpacked too!)

The sex scene has been turned over and analyzed by a lot of brilliant people here, so I don’t think there’s anything I could say that hasn’t already been said much more eloquently. But I do want to end by thinking about how that sex scene provides a sort of breaking point or climax for the shift of power from Kinn to Porsche in this episode.

Another disclaimer: I’ve dabbled, but I wouldn’t consider myself part of the kink community, so while I do want to talk about what these shifting power dynamics mean in terms of Kinn and Porsche’s building D/s dynamic, I’m by no means an expert so I’m trying to stick to what I know. There are some amazing people on here who are way more knowledgeable about this so if you’ve talked about this or know someone who is, please lmk because I want to read aaaaall the meta on this. @lutawolf has some incredible insights about the D/s dynamic here, and I’m sure there are others I haven’t seen yet. And if there’s anything you see below that is incorrect or off-base, please reply or DM me and I’d be more than happy to delete/edit whatever it is.

It’s pretty apparent that Kinn and Porsche have the beginnings of a D/s dynamic unfolding between them. Kinn is constantly trying to put Porsche in his place, and Porsche is constantly acting out in ways to catch Kinn’s eye and keep his attention. The manhandling in the shirt-off scene, Porsche’s persistent needling about Kinn trading him away, and of course the sex scene itself, where Porsche basks in Kinn’s attention on him, soaking up all those touches and visibly craving that intimacy with Kinn. All of that is giving very kinky vibes and I’m sure it’ll only get more obvious as we go on.

So it might be a fair assumption to make, when I talk so much in this post about how Porsche is the one with the power in this ep, how he’s taking the lead in their relationship while Kinn follows, that I’m rejecting/downplaying that D/s dynamic or even trying to flip it. But I’m actually saying (or at least trying to say) the opposite.

Power in D/s is extremely layered and complicated. It’s not just about who’s in control of a scene or who takes the tangible lead or who’s on top or who’s giving orders etc etc etc. Power is ultimately, I would argue, in the submissive’s hands for the simple reason that they are the one consenting and submitting to control, and that consent can be withdrawn at any time. It’s a power exchange, yes, and of course has to be mutually consensual, but a good Dom sees control as a gift rather than a right, and understands the value of the trust and vulnerability being given to them. They pay attention to the sub’s needs (physical, emotional, mental) and base their actions around ensuring those needs are meet. It’s a big part of why submission can be so empowering, because at its core it means willingly surrendering control to someone else.

That’s all to say that while Porsche may hold more power in this episode and Kinn less, it’s a part of that early, unspoken negotiation of boundaries. Kinn doesn’t want to overstep. He’s giving up some of his power to Porsche, albeit not entirely realizing it, because he wants Porsche to set his limits, to determine where they go after that kiss. Kinn is already so confused by his own feelings, so out of his depth, that if he’s going to move forward, he needs Porsche to tell him how to do that.

It’s really…he’s just a really good Dom imo. (Or will be when he fully gets his shit together.) However you feel about that scene at the end, you can tell that Kinn is trying very hard to respect Porsche’s boundaries. He immediately withdraws his hands when Porsche slaps him away. He gives Porsche space while trying to take care of him because even if Porsche is flirting and openly making a pass at him, he has no way of knowing if it’s just because of the drug in his system or if it’s something he actually wants. He only gives in after Porsche brings up their kiss, because that’s what he’s been trying to ask for the entire episode. He realizes that Porsche is asking him for this fully aware of what they did, fully aware that it’s why Kinn’s been acting so strangely, and fully aware, finally, that he is the one holding all the cards right now.

And Kinn caves.

That’s what the entire episode has been building up to through this shifting power dynamic: Kinn being vulnerable, having his weak points poked at literally and figuratively. In this scene, he lets go, taking back some of his power just by virtue of being honest with himself and with Porsche for the first time.

I don’t think this shift will last long. I think, especially as we get into episode 5, that power is going to snap back hard in Kinn’s direction as he tries to regain control of his feelings and push Porsche away. I wouldn’t be surprised if what Porsche goes through in the next episode looks a lot like a prolonged, brutal subdrop, exacerbated by the trauma of what Vegas did.

Again, I’d love to read some more meta on this from people in the kink community, and if you do see anything above that is wrong/needs clarification, please let me know.

***

Okay, I really think I’ve rambled on WAY too long at this point. This is an absolute monster of a post that totally got away from me and I hope the other episodes are a little less interesting because the amount of thoughts I have about episode 4 is kind of bananas. Please feel free to add your thoughts because I know there’s still SO much stuff I missed and I’d love to hear everyone’s interpretations of what went down (the meta this week has been crazy and yet somehow I still need more 😭).

#kinnporsche #meta #HOW did I write that many words this is so dumb

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babyjakes · 2 years

Text

his sunshine.

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summary | after ransom startles you by getting in a yelling match right outside his front door, he decides he needs to make it up to you and remind you just how sweet and loving he can be.

pairing | boyfriend!ransom drysdale x reader

warnings | ransom being a softie(<3), but also ransom being a dick at the v beginning? lol, sMUT! uhh it’s just fingering, lots lots lots of praise, big daddy vibes (per usual), squirt(!)

word count | 1,084

requested by @wecanfeelsofarbutsoclose | So I’m back with another request, with a small twist this time 😊 This time it involves Ransom Drysdale himself! So I was thinking of a “Grumpy vs Sunshine” kind of vibe where Ransom has kind of a secret relationship with the reader who’s a friend of Meg’s and he finds himself kind of changing his playboy esque ways for her and maybe there’s some smut sprinkled in there you know? Sorry I kind of ran out of ideas at the end 😂

an | hi friend!! thanks so so so much for this request, and sorry it took so long!!! i love all your requests so please always feel free to send more <3 okay so this is my first time writing for ransom and i am a little scared but this concept is so cute like!!! he’s such a dick to everyone BUT reader bc she’s his little baby and he’s so so so soft for her :’-) so anyway, hope you enjoy!

“Because it’s weird, Ransom! She’s my friend! Why can’t you find someone your own age?!” you hear your (maybe no longer) best friend Meg screaming from your boyfriend’s driveway as he shouts at her from half-way through the front door, his meaner side something you always hate to see.

“She chose me, Meg! She did! And maybe if you weren’t such a shitty friend, you’d accept that!” Ransom booms back, causing you to jump. He glances over at you the minute you do, his face shifting completely from furious to concerned in a matter of moments.

“Fuck you, Ransom! Who the hell do you think you are, lecturing me about being a shitty friend?!” Meg seethes. You begin tugging nervously on the sleeves of your sweater, one of Ransom’s that he wrapped you up in this morning when he helped you get dressed, just one of the many things he loves doing for you. To everyone else, Ransom Drysdale is the devil. But just for you, he turns into the sweetest of angels, and you love him to death for it.

“Eat shit, Meg,” Ransom huffs as he slams the door to her, rushing over to you immediately after and wrapping you up in his arms. Still shaking slightly from the conflict, he lifts you up, carrying you over to the couch and setting you down on his lap.

“Hey, pretty baby, it’s alright,” he soothes, his voice full of warmth and tenderness as he rubs your back comfortingly, trying to catch your gaze with his own. “Where’re those eyes, sweet girl? There you are,” he coos as you glance up to meet his baby blues, a few tears having made their way down your cheeks at this point. “Oh, sweetie,” he murmurs, reaching out and thumbing at your cheek gently. “What’re the tears for, huh? Don’t cry, y/n. I’m sorry, please don’t cry.”

“Sorry,” you mumble, a slight pout making its wa onto your face as concern continues to flood Ransom’s face.

“No, no ‘sorry’s, baby. It’s okay; did I scare you?” Sheepishly, you nod, and he sucks in a breath, shaking his head. “I’m sorry, y/n. I know how much you hate seeing me when I’m like that. I should’ve taken it outside or something. Please don’t cry, sweetheart. You know I’d never be scary with you like that.”

“I know,” you say with a nod, pulling yourself together. “‘m sorry. Just get scared,” you admit.

“I know, honey. I know. I’m sorry,” he says again, wrapping you up tightly in his arms. “I promise I’ll always be soft with you, sweetheart,” he tells you. “You’re my precious little baby, and I won’t ever be anything but gentle with you, princess. I swear.”

“Okay,” you giggle slightly as the last of your tears dry up, your heart fluttering as he dotes over you just like he always does. “Love you,” you mumble as you look up into his eyes timidly, and the warmth and affection gazing back at you is almost enough to melt you entirely.

“Love you more, sweetheart. Such a pretty girl for me, aren’t you,” he coos, stroking your hair back behind your ear. “You’re my sunshine; you know that?”

“Mhmm,” you hum happily, your breath catching slightly in your throat as he drags a hand down from the middle of your back to your hips. “R-Ransom?” you stutter.

“My pretty little baby. Isn’t that right?” he sings as his eyes wander all over your body perched atop his lap. “Wrapped up all nice in my warm in my sweater. You look just like a doll, sweetheart,” he sighs into your hair as he reaches a hand under the thickly-knitted garment. His fingers brush up gently against your lower back, causing you to moan slightly as your head leans against his firm chest.

“I wasn’t very nice today, was I, sweet girl? Made you cry?” Ransom coos softly as his hand travels down to the band of your leggings. You nod silently, and he shakes his head in response, telling you, “Now I need to make it up to you, don’t I? Need to make you forget all about the big scary guy yelling out the door. Need to remind you how soft and sweet I am with you, huh, princess?”

“Y-yes, please,” you almost gasp as his hand sinks into your leggins, trailing around your front side and slipping under your panties as well.

“Look at that, so wet for me already, doll,” he comments as he runs a gentle finger through your slit. “That’s my good baby, always so good for me.” A quiet whimper escapes your lips as he rubs up against your clit with his thumb, beginning to pump one of his fingers into your opening slowly at first, careful, just as he always is. “Such a tight little pussy,” he mumbles as his thick finger stretches you out, “can barely take my finger.”

“P-please, Ransom,” you pant as he increases his pace on your clit, gradually beginning to ram his finger faster and faster into your tingling pussy.

“’Please’ what, pretty girl?” he asks teasingly. “You gonna cum for me? Gonna cum from just my fingers?” A warm, desparate sensation builds up in the pit of your belly as he continues to finger-fuck you, your legs trying to squeeze shut, but Ransom grabs your thigh with his free-hand, holding you open as you begin to whimper loudly, the stimulation becoming entirely too much. “That’s it, sweetheart. Now cum for me, cum in your panties and make a mess.” And at his word, every muscle in your body contracts as a tidal wave of pleasure washes over you, sending your eyes rolling into the back of your head as your toes curl up and you squirt all over his hand. Ransom grins widely as you cry out, praising, “That’s it. Such a good girl, cumming so hard for me. Look so pretty when you cum.”

When you finally begin to wind down from your high, Ransom slows his movements, his hand coming to a stop against your throbbing pussy. “Such a good girl, made such a mess,” he coos as you slump against him from exhaustion, causing him to chuckle. “Alright, princess,” he says, planting a kiss on the top of your head. “Let’s go get you cleaned up,” he hums as he wraps you up in his arms, fully intending on carrying you to the bathroom and giving you a nice warm bath himself.

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