#maybe not important but the fact that's its written bold on the surface of the mirror makes me want to know. what are you

[springcatalyst]

so i may have rewatched murder on D street. again. abandon all hope ye who enter here

all the major characters foil fukiya in a really nice way. for a movie that claims to be a detective story, the murderer is really the focal point.

I guess since it's a ""detective"" story I'll start with akechi. he is obsessive and he goes through a period of uncertainty, where he doesnt know who he wants to be or what to do. in the last scene he is directly compared to fukiya when he says "some men cant live without being consumed by something," and the cop hes working with says outright that that's awfully similar to how akechi functions. akechi only catches fukiya BECAUSE of this obsessive, meticulous method. and fukiya is nothing if not meticulous in his work. both of them work-obsessed, both of them consumed by it, both of them detail oriented and the best at what they do, it's hard to not see those similarities. but where fukiya derails and spirals, akechi pulls himself out of that depressive uncertainty with his work. he finds a purpose and a goal in his work, he can safely place his identity within the work he does because not only is it socially acceptable (as opposed to art forgery and gender expression), but its rewarded. fukiya cannot find the same stability in his work by its hidden nature, even if the outside factors at play werent there.

tokiko is also of note: her and fukiya share a certain vanity, a certain pride, and an easily damaged ego. tokiko knows this of fukiya very early on, using his pride ("tell me now if you cant do it"/"surely a man of your skill would have no trouble") to get him to agree to work for her. but it's there in her, too. in how she feels betrayed, double-crossed, lied to, when she figures out he referenced himself for the akegarasu works. in how she shows him the pictures of her as the original model, in how she preens under the gaze of the men she shows the paintings to, because thats her. and then, of course, his own pride takes THAT information- that she was the ORIGINAL original- and leaves him feelimg betrayed, like he lost something, like something was taken from him. and he kills her to reestablish the value that he thought he had and so quickly came to need. HE needed to be the original. he rested his understanding of himself on it.

saito isnt so much a parallel to fukiya as he is an opposite. saito is emotional, passionate, hedonistic. he knows what he wants and what he likes and he pursues it: the most obvious example is through sex, but I did notice that when he recognizes akechi's name, he pursues that: he gets a drink with him, likely having to lure that depressed bitch out from his room to the cafe, but he did it because he knew of his work and wanted a conversation with the man responsible for it. he met a celebrity, basically, and weaseled his way into dinner with him. saito knows what he wants and he gets it, not by manipulation or violence, but just by chasing it with a certain sincerity that fukiya always lacks. fukiya is meticulous and careful in a way that either stems from his work or drew him to the work that suits it, but either way its present in his personal life as it is in his work. he moves and speaks deliberately, with measured emotion, none of the genuine reaction that saito expresses. he rarely does things for the fun of it, and while it's obvious he finds satisfaction, pride, expression, in his work and his art, it is so meticulous, theres none of the hedonism that we see in saito. fukiya finds lying very easy, so much so that he cheats a psych test, where saito is so genuine that his looks incredibly suspicious just because he reacts bigly. and also, of course, its impossible to not mention the distinct sexlessness of fukiya's character, especially compared with saito, who is having lots of sex all the time. fukiya is averse and avoidant of sex, uncomfortable with it, uneasy. when faced with it, it is something he fights and then resigns to, a far cry from the almost gratuitous pursuit of sex that saito does. additionally, in the scenes where sex comes into play, saito is in control of his, literally the dom with his partners, where fukiya is very much out of control of his situation, not given much choice, and not really an active participant. the fact that these two are the two main suspects for the murder, then, is a great, jarring contrast. saito has every reason to look guilty, and he does, but the fact is that he is innocent.

even the minor characters have some fascinating roles. the couple across the bookshop, the way they arent involved with anything, just witnesses. saito runs into the street yelling about murder and we dont see him, we see the couple, watching through the windows. theyre voyuers, an audience, an outside eye. somebody to perform for. the nature of both fukiya's work and his life is that it is heavily scrutinized- his restorations have to be perfect, his forgeries even more so (or are all his restorations just forgeries passed as originals?...) his life must find a balance between being what he wants, and being something more broadly acceptable, something that fits within the world around him. its only natural that some of it ends up being a sort of performance.

i dont really have a satisfying conclusion i just think that all the characters are used to their absolute most potential and the end result is an impeccable exploration of what the fuck is wrong with fukiya. and i enjoy it immensely. thank u for coming to my ted talk

the student/assistant of akechi's is a clearer version of what's going on with fukiya. we're not given enough time with the character to know the nuances of their situation, but at baseline they're a girl passing herself as a boy for whatever reason to work with akechi. at the end, we see them put on the dress, the lipstick, look in the mirror, same as fukiya. that outward performance dissolves and we see something closer to the truth- it drives home the broad strokes of fukiya's situation with a less nuanced one- look at these two characters, what do they share? its a visual shorthand, as well as a continuous cycle, echoing that fukiya is not uniquely different, not totally isolated. (even if HE is isolated, its because of him, not because of this)

mayumi (the model) is similar to saito in how her sexuality highlights fukiya's lack of one. in the scenes where he's painting her, it gradually becomes clear that she's into it. she's having a great time; he's just painting. he's getting more and more frustrated which leads to rougher movements and more intensity but it is, again, strikingly sexless. she either doesn't pick up on this or doesnt care, and thinks the natural conclusion is to have sex, even when he obviously doesn't want to.

the girl saito is fucking (i dont think shes ever named?? if so i missed it OOPS) plays a kind of one-two parallel and contrast. her affair is a secret for obvious reasons, some kind of deeper desire that is kept hidden for her's and other's benefits, even as its pursued nonetheless. this mirrors fukiya's own queerness (in whatever sense of the word you think fits) in a pretty one-to-one way. but the way they go about it, or what it is in the first place, is vastly different- again, her open demonstration of sexuality and comfort in sexuality, of desire, makes his own lack of both of those things all the more obvious.

[otp-holic]

The one place (where something happened) (A03)

“In your life there are a few places, or maybe only the one place, where something happened, and then there are all the other places.” Alice Munro. (or the one where they receive a letter from a familiar name and we go into 4Ks of fluff around a lost afternoon in France)

4K. Lamely explicit at one point. Fanfic + Pictures Inside. Trigger for FLUFF as the main plot. Part of the Never let us lose what we have gained series (AO3)

This was supposed to be a manip with 200 words of bantering and it's now 4Ks of fluff with a few pictures. I've decided to leave them inside the cut because I feel they work better with its context there. I'm sorry for the hassle, but I really hope you give this a chance... unless you have cavities, only like fics with amazing plots or are allergic to shameless fluff.

Please do not repost the pictures, I know this is futile, but… I try :)

DAGUERROTYPE, France 1944 Private Collection.

Steve is cooling down from his very early run, enjoying the feeling of the pink sunrise looming over the awakening Brooklyn streets as he walks the last couple of blocks on the way home, when his phone beeps.

“Check your actual mailbox, we dropped something for you there. I think you should appreciate us making it old-fashioned just for you, grandpas!”

Steve smiles at Sam’s text and as soon as he arrives at their building he snaps a picture of the very common and flat envelope with “Barnes&Rogers” scribbled on top of a Stark Logo, to send along his response.

“Nice try, but this is inaccurate. A letter would have never made its way to us without an address or stamp. We’ll send you a proper thank you card to show you how it’s done.”

He can’t help but chuckle at his own joke rereading the text while he opens the door, and when he looks up from his phone and into the kitchen, he is received by a sleepy Bucky looking at the coffee machine like he looks at Steve during their most soft and embarrassingly cheesy moments.

“You love that thing more than you love me, confess it.”

“In the mornings? Yes. I don’t even like you in the mornings most of the time,” he answers matter of factly. “Want some?”

Steve playfully wiggles an eyebrow.

“No way. Your sweaty self is tempting, but coffee smells better. I might join you in the shower later.” Bucky offers him one of the two cups he has poured and he notices the envelope Steve is holding. “What is that?”

“We’ve got mail!” He hands it to Bucky. “I have no idea what's on it, but Sam texted me to say they had something delivered to our mailbox and there it was. Open it.”

Bucky leaves the cup on the counter, face sparked with a curiosity that makes him look twenty-one (and Steve weak on the knees), and goes for it.

The content is a bit underwhelming at first glance: Another envelope, white, no Stark logo, but topped with a bright green post-it with a note on Pepper’s script.

“This got to me via PR. We analyzed it and checked with the source (no peeking, I swear) and it seems legit. With that return address, it’s likely to arouse your interest. Love, P.”

Bucky tears off the post-it and the letter is revealed to be addressed to Steve Rogers at the Stark Tower, but it is when they turn it around when everything goes still for a second.

The return address is some street in Marseille, but what has Steve’s mouth dry and Bucky’s hand trembling just a bit is the combination of the place and the name written on top: Emmanuelle Jaques Dernier.

“Boom?”, Bucky says, trying to cut through their heavy hearts and taking Steve’s hand. It’s a terrible terrible joke, but Dernier would have loved it and he grins.

“That’s a terrible terrible joke,” Steve verbalizes, “but I think at least we’ve reached the same conclusion.”

“Elementary, my dear Steve,” Bucky answers as he opens the second envelope, only to reveal a folded letter and yet another envelope. “It’s a fucking vault of paper!”

Steve takes the letter from him, unfolds it, and quickly scans it (normal office paper, printed, hand-signed) before he starts reading it out loud to Bucky’s undivided attention.

“Dear Mr. Rogers,

My name is Emmanuelle Dernier and I am the great-grandson of Jaques Dernier of the Howling Commandos.

First, let me tell you that we all in our family grew up with amazing stories and praise for you, Sergeant Barnes, and the rest of the team. I never got to meet my great-grandfather or any of them (you), but I’ve always felt like I did.

In fact, that’s the ultimate reason behind this letter: I ached to honor him and I’ve been putting in order all his remaining letters, pictures, and memories so they don’t get lost forever, and there are many things I’m discovering through this journey. So many pictures and tiny details… and amongst them, you and the rest of the Commandos appear at the most random and memorable moments. Nothing that’s going to make it into history books, more like the stories my grandpa used to share with us over and over again, those important tidbits that make him more human.

Anyway, I was going through the pictures he kept when I came across some war photos that didn’t seem to match the 40s timeframe. Typical daguerreotypes from the 20s in a very bad state, probably taken with a camera from the era in 1944 and developed on a later date by somebody who clearly didn’t master the technique.

They were in a very bad state and hidden inside an envelope that said “Terribly drunk soldiers in France making idiots of ourselves in unique and creative ways. Fun evening, horrible hangover. About 20 miles west of the Maginot Line. Autumn ‘44”. I’m attaching a photocopy of that, I hope you can understand my decision to keep the original.

After restoring the daguerreotypes with some experts, all I got were five very bad pictures with silhouettes of people apparently having fun…. but there was one that got a lot better in the cleaning process that feels important somehow. I’m sending the original, as well as the restored version I got.

I, of course, don’t have the whole context, but I hope it brings back a good memory. My great-grandpa might be in the picture, but I don’t think this one belongs to my family or to a museum.

Thank you for your service, I really hope this letter finds its way to you.

E.Dernier.”

“I can’t believe… Steve, most days I’m convinced that day and that place are a figment of my imagination,” Bucky smiles, remembering. “When I think of a moment of pure joy during the war, I think about that afternoon in France, and it always feels unreal. A bubble of air and laughter while we were so surrounded by death.”

Steve nods, reminiscing about that warm and humid September morning when they arrived at yet another abandoned and destroyed little village, this one about twenty miles west of the Maginot Line. They had orders to lie low and wait for twenty-four hours before they started the maneuver to wipe another Hydra base off the map, and that little town was perfect for that.

Among bomb debris and fallen walls, they found one small building miraculously standing next to the remains of the church, so they decided to set camp under a roof for a change since the weather was being a little flickery with the rain, and they had the rare luxury of time.

The inside of the tiny house was as unusual as the outside: nothing was destroyed beyond being dusty and worn by time, and everything they found (furniture, kitchenware, and even fabrics) belonged more to Steve and Bucky’s early childhoods than to 1944, a living museum frozen in time.

Only it was not a museum, but the parish house left untouched and non-raided: old-fashioned clothes, outdated church books, yellowing clergy collars, and, of course, the wine cellar. Oh, that wine cellar… the havoc it unleashed.

“I remember the absolute excitement when Falsworth found all those bottles of old unscathed mass wine from the parish,” Steve brings his memory to words, looking at Bucky, “I’m still a little convinced that we are going to hell for drinking them.”

“Not for that, probably, but it was a wonder nobody died on the spot of wine poisoning, it tasted like sweet vinegar, ugh.”

“But it did his part, right? Took our minds off things; got us drunk, bold and silly.” Steve answers.

“Apparently not all of us,” Bucky says very seriously, looking at Steve.

“Technicalities… I got drunk by proxy. Seeing you all so happy made me giddy and tipsy, too.”

“I came and went… I remember being a little surprised at the clarity of my thoughts at some moments there when some of the guys were basically drooling on the floor. Now I understand, of course.”

Steve squeezes his hand, not much to be said there.

They were already way too drunk by the early afternoon, drinking to the sound of a sudden rainstorm pouring outside. All of them scattered across the small dusty living room and its adjoining kitchen while they went through all the bottles of wine they had been able to find. Cheering for the foregone priest every time somebody raised a glass, and laughing as if there were no ruins or war on the other side; just silly men (boys, really) laughing their hearts out.

“Earth to Steve… I don’t know about you, but I’m dying to see what the hell that envelope is hiding. Especially now that we know about its time stamp.”

“I’m sorry, me too! Gabe drunkenly handling that old camera and those glass plaques the way he did? I’m honestly impressed that he was able to take any pictures at all,” he muses. “Shit, is it weird that I’m nervous?”

“I’m gonna save us the bantering because I’m nervous, too,” Bucky answers in all sincerity. “Truth is, Steve, I remember everything about that day.”

It’s a new admission, a newly opened door for them because for some reason, they have never talked about that peaceful surreal afternoon, and Steve nods in recognition as he silently goes for the envelope one-handed, not wanting to let go of Bucky’s hand because his surface is way cooler than his wrenching insides. Maybe the picture is an overexposed french wall but maybe…

The photo he extracts from the envelope is clearly the original and damaged one Emmanuelle specified in his letter. Anybody else looking at it would see nothing beyond Dernier’s blurry profile, but since Steve and Bucky were there when this was taken, they know exactly what moment Steve is holding in his hand.

“Buck,…” is all Steve can say, struck by the blurry keepsake.

Later in the afternoon when they had already consumed most of the wine and there was not a single coherent thought left in the room, one of the guys took the parish books and besottedly announced that there was a wedding set for today… thirty years ago. Alcohol fueled a goofy idea that escalated at the speed of light, with Morita saying they were going to a wedding because they deserved a celebration, Dernier confessing that he had once considered becoming a priest, and Dum-dum bringing out all the old fashioned clothes from the wardrobe and deciding they were getting nice and clean for the festivities.

“That’s clearly Dernier in the picture killing it in his priest role, right?” Bucky says, half smiling and interrupting Steve’s thoughts. “You know, I went all-in with that fake wedding party. I was laughing to tears when I saw you put on that ridiculously long and ill-fitting jacket from the 10s, feeling weightless and silly for the first time since sailing off, and God knows we all deserved that. And it was all safe and light-hearted until fucking Morita decided you had to be the groom, and...”

“Were you jealous because I won the dashing groom competition?”

Steve’s attempt at a joke is weak, but there’s truth behind it: Morita chose Steve as the groom (“Cap, you are the most dashing and the least drunk”) to a chorus of excited voices cheering for him. Somebody else, most likely Dum-Dum, chose the rest of the roles (Sarge, best man duty; Jones, camera; Morita, keep the wine flowing; the rest of you, misbehave!) and in the blink of an eye, they were all going outside laughing under a light rain, and about to celebrate Steve’s fictional wedding to nobody.

“How could I be jealous?” Bucky cuts in. “Do you remember all you said to me that afternoon? During World War II and in front of a battalion of men?”

“I was drunk.”

“Fuck you!” Bucky disentangles his hand from Steve’s to use both of them to hold Steve’s face and kiss him with violence. “Tell me. Do you remember what you said?”

As if he could ever forget. He can recall every step he took from the house to the makeshift wedding spot amidst the trees where his best man (looking dapper even in that ludicrous jacket) was laughing along Dernier. He can still smell the petrichor, can still sense the blush coloring his cheeks while hoping nobody noticed and can still hear the beating of his heart when Bucky handed him a battered umbrella (“You don’t deserve to get rained on your wedding day, punk”) and a fucking ring made out his shoelaces (“You’ll have to buy something a little more permanent.”). And then…

“Dernier started the ceremony and he wanted to know if I had somebody in mind and I said ‘of course’.” He replays, his voice barely a whisper. “I said I’d had my eyes on a brown-haired Brooklynite since before I could remember. I said that I was pretty sure those blue eyes were set on mine too and that hopefully those eyes would be set enough to want to marry me even if I had never dared to ask.”

He’s been holding Bucky’s gaze the whole time, and he’s far from over yet, but he needs to fucking breathe before he goes on. Neither of them has moved a muscle for the past minute.

“Then he asked me to repeat the wedding vows after him and…”

“And you said Buck, right?”, Bucky interrupts, voice winded. “You fucking whispered I take you, Buck, as my lawful wedded husband till the end of the line. I heard, Steve. Even if the rest of the world didn’t, I did. But you never said anything, so I always deemed it impossible, a product of the corniest nook of my mind trying to outweigh all those bad things, because not even you could be as bold, reckless, and mushy as to do that,…it’s my fucking fault, I should have known better!”

“Not completely reckless, pal. I was scared shitless as I said those words, but what else could I do? You were right by my side about to put a ring on my finger as my “best man”, everyone, including you, supposedly drunk past recollection, and everybody else too far away to hear my whispers. It was such an easy choice in the end because truth should always win over fear. And those vows were. The truth.”

“You have always been too honest for your own good, Rogers,” Bucky is breathless and exasperated and goes for his mouth again, bringing in all he (they) couldn’t in 1944. “You destroyed me, Steve. My knees were as weak as a teenager’s in front of his first crush. I wanted to kiss you so badly when I heard you say all that there in the open… and I couldn’t even acknowledge it.”

“I know. And for what it's worth, I really thought you didn’t remember.”

It is too much. Is it normal to feel this much? Steve would blame it on the serum enhancements, but he was already overwhelmed at 16, so that’s clearly not the answer.

He craves, no, he needs touching, grounding, closer. Bucky. There’s too much space between them even if they are back to kissing like they would have that day in 44, and at any other time if their own lives wouldn’t have stolen those moments from them.

“It happened.” Bucky whimpers, biting on Steve’s lip who abandons his own stool to straddle him, both of them gasping in sync at the feeling of their cocks, hard against each other’s through their soft pants.

Bucky soon ups the stakes by carding his metal hand through Steve’s hair pulling his head backwards to help himself into that spot on his neck.

“Same two moles as when you were tiny, as when we were at that war... Your cute vampire bite. Favorite spot.” He licks on them with the tip of his tongue. Steve growls on cue and Bucky giggles. “Favorite chain reaction.”

“Buck, you cheater, you know what that does to me!” Steve cries out followed by Bucky’s evil chuckle.”Bed, couch, countertop,…I don’t care, but naked. Now. Stained pants due to heavy petting are too much of a trip down memory lane for me. Let me keep a bit of my dignity.”

Steve stands up liberating Bucky from his grip but aching at the loss of contact.

They are naked and making out in the middle of the kitchen in no time; Bucky steadily pushing him against the refrigerator while fiercely grinding against his crotch.

“Hey, ‘teve,” Bucky pants. “The way this is going, it’s my dignity now that's at risk. I don’t think I can make it further than the floor before I come.”

Steve groans into his mouth just at the thought and they start sliding to the floor the best they can until he’s a human blanket moving over Bucky. With no lube at hand, and no time, that’s their best option.

They kiss and kiss and kiss, his hands not leaving Bucky’s sweaty hair. Bucky’s hands on his ass, forcing their groins closer with one while he (almost absently) plays around his hole with the other, driving Steve crazy in the process. Dicks left to do their own thing through pressure and friction. Everything is working. And fast.

“Oh, fuck!” Bucky exclaims “Can you promise me all this stuff with the letter was real and not a long-con plan to assure your fragile masculinity that I love you more than I love that espresso machine?”

That. That silly unfunny excuse of a joke that screams Bucky all over is what pushes Steve all the way over the edge. He fucking laughs as he comes making absolutely embarrassing sounds, pressing their foreheads and noses together until it hurts, and shaking from head to toe without stoping his pressure on the stupid and smug man under him. His lover. His partner. His unofficial husband. His best friend.

His Buck.

“There’s still too much blood in your brain if you can play that dirty,” Steve states, placing one hand between them grabbing Bucky’s hard cock. “Let’s see if I can do anything about it.”

“Your hand, usually so helpful, but I was already following you after that sound you make when you come and laugh at the same time, shit, it always goes straight to my dick, I’m,…” he keeps talking with difficulty between breaths and moans until he leaves his speech unfinished coming all over Steve’s fist.

They kiss on the lips breathing into each other before Steve rolls over. They are sticky and panting in silence, spread on their kitchen’s floor, Steve’s shoulders crushed between Bucky’s and the dishwasher. Domestic bliss at its most literal.

One lavish fuck and two showers later they reemerge into the kitchen in search of something to eat: Bucky is in charge of the food today, while Steve cleans the mess they left a couple of hours ago.

He’s decluttering the counter when their damaged picture laying there puts a smile on his face but also reminds him of the restored version presumably still waiting inside the disregarded letter, so he grabs the envelope to retrieve its contents: one photocopy (from Dernier’s original writing), and the promised photo.

And it is restored. Everything is clear where it was blurry before: Dernier (so deep into his priest impersonation that he’s not even looking at them), the trees, the battered umbrella, the ridiculous jackets… and them.

“You had the nerve to call me reckless and mushy, Buck?” Steve laughs as he stares at the picture where a very young Bucky is about to put a ring on his finger with the least subtle lovestruck expression he’s ever seen (“and it’s for you”, his brain proudly reminds him) “Wow, you might as well be kissing me there, anything would be more subtle than this!”

“Don’t shame me, you punk, especially not when you were the one responsible for breaking my brain back then!” Bucky answers coming from behind and stealing the picture from his hands to scrutinize it. Goofy grin and raging blush quickly taking over his face. “But you’re one to talk, Cap. You are gazing at that shoelace’s ring as if I were handing you a diamond tiara!”

Steve laughs softly at that and moves his right hand to his pocket, feeling the weight of the little compass he had retrieved earlier from one of his drawers. He used to carry it with him everywhere for comfort, but he has a better option now.

“Didn't you know that shoelaces are forever?” He asks, taking the compass out of his pocket and holding it in both hands as he opens it, nudging Bucky with his elbow to get his attention.

Bucky is confused for an instant while he looks at his young face staring at them from inside the little box. Of course he knew that (he made fun of Steve for days and days) but Steve detects the change in his expression when he notices the other thing.

“Wow, you gigantic sap,” Bucky says, taking the compass out of his hands to double-check he is seeing what he thinks he’s seeing. “You saved my shoelace.”

He had. While they were all celebrating his wedding under the rain dancing to no music, he quietly slipped the little string off his finger and tied it to the most secure place he had back then.

“It’s not a shoelace, you jerk, it’s a symbol. A declaration.” He laughs, stealing the compass back to safely pocket it again.

“You are delusional,” Bucky snorts, kissing the top of his head. But he’s widely smiling and lost in thought as he goes back to their sandwiches.

Steve stays on the spot enjoying the peace in their silent companionship, his focus on the latest news showing up on his phone, the text he’s writing to Sam and the comforting sounds of Bucky moving around the kitchen.

“You might have married me, but I never actually married you.” Bucky blurts out of the blue a bit later, sitting by his side as he hands him a plate with a sandwich and some grilled greens on it. “Do you want mayo with that?”

“Uh?” Steve forgets all about the news and the text and looks at Bucky in confusion.

“Mayo, do you want some?” Bucky repeats nonchalantly.

“No mayo, thank you; but I was actually more interested in the other part, you know, that thing about marriage?”

Bucky looks him in the eye: earnest, blushing and with the same look of smug adoration he had on the picture.

“Oh, that part.” He jokes. “You apparently married me in 1944, but I never married you back. And I would like to.”

“Marry me?” Steve asks and Bucky visibly nods.

“I’m sorry for throwing the idea at you like this, books tell me I'm supposed to have candles, music, and a ring, but you showed me that restored picture and I couldn't stop thinking about it, about proof,” Bucky speaks uncharacteristically slow and very softly, voice trembling here and there while he claps his hand with Steve’s finger by finger for reassurance and as a distraction. “A single photo had the power to transform a moment that existed just as a made-up happy place inside my mind into something tangible and real. Something that would be tangible and real for anybody getting a hold on it and looking at our stupid faces.”

“So stealthy,” Steve says, and they both laugh together.

“Proof, Steve. I was slicing tomatoes and thinking how there’s so much evidence, thousands of files! out there proving that all the stuff that fuels my nightmares were real, but nothing solid about this. Us.” Bucky stops for a moment collecting his thoughts, still smiling even with the heavy subject he just dropped into the mix. “Sorry, I believe I put more time into these sandwiches than into thinking this all the way through so I’m…”

“Take your time, we’ve gone from mayo to marriage to nightmares in five minutes so don’t worry, you have me hooked here.”

Steve makes Bucky laugh again as he intended, and he feels their calloused laced fingers immediately squeezing closer.

“It’s stupid because it doesn’t change anything for us but,.. I don’t fucking know, Steve, I think that picture has messed up with my mind! I instantly found comfort in the idea of people finding facts beyond the nightmares now or in the future. An easy to understand, universal and oversimplified proof of how much I loved you and how much I was loved in return.” Bucky takes a breath and stares at him sporting a million-watt smile. “Marrying you,… I would really love that. And for real this time.”

“Ok, Buck.” Steve instantly replies, eagerness winning over thoughtful and heartfelt declarations. He tightens the grip on their joined hands to drive them to his lips and seals the easiest answer he’s ever had to give.

And it's done!Sorry for the cavities, for going on with the fic when it should have ended and for ending it where it might have had to keep going. It was painful and fun. I'm free!

[suzyundertale]

tumblr user suzyundertale makes a post about Suzy from Undertale

Suzy masterpost, because people need to pay more attention to Suzy. This is not a theory post, but more of a collection of information on what we currently know about the Undertale character Suzy. Of course, due to the nature of Suzy as a very mysterious character, there will be slight speculation, but hopefully it’s clear what is canon and what isn’t.

Section One: The Beginning

When Undertale first released, there was very little that we knew of the character “Suzy”. Even less than what we know now, which is impressive. The only connection we had to her was word of mouth from an NPC with no name, but known in the files simply as “clamgirl”, found in Waterfall if your “Fun” value is between 80 and 89.

When you first talk to her, she says the following:

* I'm visiting Waterfall from the city. * Synchronicity...? * My neighbor's daughter looks about your age. * Her name is "Suzy." * I feel like you two should be friends. * You have... * A neighbor's blessing!!!

(”Suzy” here is written in yellow text.)

Talking to her a second time:

* Not knowing where I live is no issue. * Fate finds a way.

And, finally, talking to her post-pacifist:

* So you never became friends with my neighbor's daughter. * Don't despair. * This world has infinite opportunities. * But there's a limit to the things you can do. * Accepting this is healthy. * Take my neighbor's blessing! * And consider this blessing for anything you like!

(She has more dialogue, but this is all that you really need to know.)

Section Two: The Patch

In January of 2016, a couple weeks after Toby made (and subsequently deleted) a tweet about he wanted to “start something else” in 2016, a something which we now know to be Deltarune, Undertale received its first major update - version 1.01.

Here’s the relevant information.

Toby made two very, very minor changes to Clamgirl’s post-pacifist dialogue. Here is the new dialogue, with changes bolded:

* So you never met my neighbor's daughter. * Don't despair. * This world has infinite opportunities. * But there's a limit to the things you can do today. * Accepting this is healthy. * Take my neighbor's blessing! * And consider this blessing for anything you like!

He changed “became friends with” to “met” - emphasizing the fact that Suzy is not a character you can meet in Undertale.

He also added the word “today”, to emphasize the fact that this does not mean Frisk will never be able to meet Suzy.

This wasn’t the only Suzy-related thing in the version 1.01 patch, however. The patch added a well-known line of dialogue to the lab behind Sans and Papyrus’ house. Normally, when you examine a certain drawer in the lab, you get this dialogue:

* (There's a photo album inside the drawer.) * (There are photos of Sans with a lot of people you don't recognize.) * (He looks happy.)

However, from version 1.01 onward, if you examine this drawer after having spoken to Clamgirl, you will get this dialogue instead:

* (There's a photo album inside the drawer.) * (There are photos of... Huh?) * (A card is sticking out from the back flap of the binder.) * (It's a poorly drawn picture of three smiling people.) * (Written on it...) * "don't forget."

Again, I’d like to emphasize that this dialogue only appears if you’ve spoken to Clamgirl, if you know who Suzy is. In this way, the phrase “Don’t forget” is intrinsically linked to Suzy.

So, from all of this, we can gather a few things about this mysterious “Suzy” character.

She is a girl around Frisk’s age.

She lives in the capital.

She has at least one parent (who happens to be Clamgirl’s neighbor.)

Frisk is, apparently, fated to meet her.

Despite this, it is impossible to meet Suzy in Undertale.

Sans’ photo album will have a card reading “don’t forget” only if you know who Suzy is.

Section Three: Fast Approaching

Did you think that was the only Undertale update that added cryptic Suzy-related dialogue?? Guess again!

Fast-forward to September 2018. Undertale has just been released on Nintendo Switch! Almost immediately, it is discovered that the Switch version added this:

(excuse me posting my own video, but it’s really the best one on youtube...(side note; i’m not sure if she’s actually supposed to reappear when you exit and re-enter the room, that might be a side effect of me poorly emulating the game))

Anyway, this is what happens post-pacifist in the Switch version if your fun value is exactly 81. If it’s 82-89, Clamgirl has her regular dialogue from v1.01.

The Switch version of Undertale came out September (15 in Japan, 18 everywhere else) 2018 - A month and a half before the release of Chapter 1 of Deltarune. In hindsight, it’s obviously foreshadowing - but when you think about it, foreshadowing what?

A month later, we play Deltarune, and meet a brand new character named Susie. Not Suzy. (More on that distinction in a bit.) If that’s the case, why did Clamgirl claim that we were going to meet Suzy very soon? 

Well, the answer is that we don’t know.

It’s important to consider what Clamgirl says from an in-universe standpoint. It’s easy to take this line as Clamgirl talking directly to us, the player, since she’s clearly hinting towards Deltarune - but in actuality, in the game, in-universe, she’s talking to Frisk. She’s telling Frisk that they’re going to meet Suzy very soon. It’s possible that, when it comes down to it, what Clamgirl said might not apply to us at all.

Section Four: Deltarune

In October 2018, Toby Fox not only released an entire demo for an entire new video game, but a video game with a major character named Susie. Not Suzy, but Susie???? What’s going on?

Since Deltarune seems to have an alternate universe thing going on, some people believe that Susie is simply the Deltarune universe’s version of Suzy. This is definitely a possibility, but there is also reason to believe that this may not be the case.

Deltarune also introduces a new character named Catti, who is Catty’s little sister. Like Suzy and Susie, their names are pronounced the same, but spelled slightly differently. This could be hinting at the difference between the two.

As it stands, however, we currently do not know the relation between Suzy and Susie, or if any even exists.

In any case, it is likely that Suzy will be a major part of the story of Deltarune, as the main theme of the game is called “Don’t Forget”.

Bonus: A Comment From Toby

To my knowledge, the only time that Toby has ever publicly spoken about Suzy is in this tweet, since deleted (not specifically, but because Toby wiped all his tweets before a certain date), from nine days after Undertale’s release:

Unfortunately, since we’ve lost the context, it’s difficult to know who exactly “yellow kid” refers to here. The tweet was most likely in response to speculation regarding Suzy’s identity. Since Suzy’s name is written in yellow when Clamgirl speaks about her, some people assumed that Suzy may be associated with the color yellow. “Yellow kid” could be referring to Monster Kid, Frisk, or the yellow human soul. (I’ve heard people say before that this tweet is specifically in response to people speculating about Monster Kid being Suzy, but I don’t know how true that is. If anyone has any proof of this claim, let me know!)

Conclusion

Generally, when you’re writing an analysis of a character, you’re able to say more than three facts about them. There is very little we can say about Suzy, however, without delving into pure baseless speculation. Hell, we know more about Gaster, who is generally regarded as the mysterious Undertale character.

It’s very likely that we will learn more about Suzy in the future, but right now, we don’t have much to go on. However, that also means we’re free to speculate pretty much anything we want. Essentially, until proven otherwise, Suzy is whoever you want her to be..! 

[choices-and-voices]

hi sorry if this has already been asked somewhere but im was wondering if you had any tips on how to get the best experience without having to pay ?

Hi there! Don’t worry, this question hasn’t been asked before, and I am honestly super flattered that you value my opinion enough to ask it ☺️ I’m not sure how helpful my tips will be because I don’t exactly consider myself an expert in this, but here are some things that came to mind! I’ve gone into quite a bit of detail, but if you want a quicker overview, just stick to the bold headings. Also, if any of the people reading this have good tips of their own, please lmk! I’m always learning new things about how to do this too 💕

1. This one’s a bit obvious, but still – take the opportunities that the game gives you to earn free diamonds. That means watching the bonus ads every day (5 diamonds/day), playing through chapters as often as you can (including replaying old books if there are no new releases – 2 diamonds/chapter), and watching ads at the end of book chapters for an extra diamond. Obviously, all this is a bit of a balancing act – you want to be playing Choices often enough to build up your diamonds, but not so often that it takes over your life and makes you feel frustrated, because what’s the point of it if it’s not fun anymore, y’know? So I’ve always been careful not to overdo it. Even if all you do is watch the bonus ads every day, that’s 35 diamonds/week – basically, one big diamond scene a week – which is honestly not too shabby.

2. At any one time, only play 1-2 books that you’re really invested in, and try to supplement that with another 2-3 books that you’re not really invested in or are replaying just for diamonds. As tempting as it can be to rush through every good-looking book in the app all at once, that just leads to a situation where a) you’re trying to divide your free keys between waaay too many releases, and b) there are so many demands on you for diamonds, you never get to consistently spend them on anything. So I personally think it’s best to only read a couple of good books at once, and instead of marathoning them, break them up with chapters from less-good books – this builds up your diamond stash for spending on the good books. Which leads into my next point:

3. Don’t zip through books too fast – even if most of the chapters are already released, spreading them out helps you earn more diamonds for them in the meantime. I’m really lucky to have been playing Choices for so long that almost all the books were presented to me in weekly release format – if I downloaded the app for the first time today, and saw all the fully-released books on there, I feel like I would be way too overwhelmed to play. So I reckon that, even if a book isn’t technically a weekly release for you, make it a weekly release! You might decide to play all the books you’re really invested in on a particular day when you have more free time – say, a Sunday. Then, you have Monday-Saturday every week to earn diamonds for those books, and something to look forward to at the end of it all. As for what you do with those diamonds:

4. Be smart about what you spend diamonds on. There are a couple of different components to this tip – it involves things like a) figuring out which types of purchases are worth diamonds in general, b) figuring out which types of purchases you want to prioritise in certain books, and c) planning ahead before you start playing a book chapter about where you might want to spend diamonds. To address each of those things one-by-one:

a) Figure out which types of purchases are worth diamonds in general. Off the top of my head, there are 6 main types of diamond purchases in Choices: ‘friendly’ scenes with LIs (12-25 diamonds), ‘steamy’ scenes with LIs (25-30 diamonds), scenes with your whole friendship group, collectible items (e.g. the tapestry pieces in Bloodbound, the clues in Veil of Secrets, etc.), outfits, and pets. Your mileage may vary a lot on which of these are most important to you, so take my opinions with a grain of salt. But my general advice would be to i) prioritise group scenes above LI scenes, ii) prioritise ‘friendly’ LI scenes above ‘steamy’ LI scenes, iii) avoid collectibles, and iv) go for outfits and pets only if you really like the look of them. This advice is based on the fact that, firstly, I think you get a better experience of immersion in a book if you know a bit about all the characters around MC, rather than just about one LI; secondly, ‘friendly’ LI scenes tend to tell you more about the LI than ‘steamy’ scenes, which are often 80-90% copied-and-pasted erotica despite being more expensive; thirdly, collectibles are a massive drain on diamond stores, and almost always unlock quite short, generic scenes that it’s easy to find on Tumblr or YouTube; and fourthly, both outfits and pets don’t do much except appear in the story at key moments, which can be a really nice touch but is still only needed in moderation. Of course, there are exceptions to these rules, and you might find that those exceptions are sometimes book-specific. Which leads me to Part B of this point:

b) Figure out which types of purchases you want to prioritise in certain books. It’s all well and good for me to say that group scenes are usually better than LI scenes, but when I’m playing a book with an amazing LI but a pretty meh supporting cast (*cough cough* Myra Dixon carries Baby Bump on her shoulders *cough cough*), I obviously may need to adjust my spending habits slightly. Moreover, by focusing all your diamond spending on just one main thing per book – like Myra’s romance in Baby Bump, or the party’s side-quests in Blades of Light and Shadow, or the posse in Queen B – I think you end up with a much better playing experience, because you feel like you’re seeing at least one facet of the story in-depth instead of getting a patchy surface view of lots of different facets. For the most part, the purchases you prioritise in a book can mostly depend on personal taste, but there are a few books where some background knowledge might be helpful in the decision. Four things that I think are worth flagging are that i) the ‘competition books’ (America’s Most Eligible, Queen B, Hot Couture) do require regular outfit purchases to win, although winning isn’t that much better an experience than being runner-up; ii) Veil of Secrets and Nightbound are two books where it’s worth saving 30-35 diamonds for the final chapter, because your MC is forced to leave the small-town setting if you don’t; iii) Across the Void is a book that frequently invites you to spend diamonds to save characters’ lives, but their death arcs are honestly much better-written and more sensible than their survival arcs; and iv) the It Lives series is the only one where characters can die due to an accumulation of choices you make throughout the story, so maybe it’s worth keeping some diamonds in reserve for that one. Which just leaves us with one more sub-point:

c) Plan ahead before you start playing a book chapter about where you might want to spend diamonds. I want to take this opportunity to thank whichever people in the fandom maintain the Choices wiki, because oh my gosh, they are lifesavers. For the last year or so, my response whenever a new Choices chapter is released has been to wait a few hours, Google ‘[book name] choices’, open the wiki result, and skim through to check how many diamond choices are available & how much they cost. Because all the wiki includes are the possible responses to every choice presented – it doesn’t even state the wording of the choice itself – this is a relatively spoiler-free technique that helps a lot with big picture planning. For example, you might decide not to buy an early group scene because there’s a nicer-sounding LI scene later on, and come to think of it, you should replay a few more chapters of another book first to save up the diamonds for that scene. If you don’t mind encountering just a few more spoilers before you play the chapter, you can also scout out its diamond scenes in more detail by searching the relevant book or character tags on Tumblr, or by looking for a chapter stream on YouTube. You may decide that you don’t need to buy a diamond scene if you’ve already seen it played through by someone else, or alternatively, you may decide whether or not to buy a diamond scene based on how good it looks in an existing playthrough – in either case, these techniques can help you thoughtfully ration out the diamonds you have, instead of being caught off-guard whenever a diamond choice comes up.

5. On the subject of the Choices wiki, it’s also a great way to maximise your success in books without using diamonds. Whenever there’s a ‘right’ option to a choice that gives you a better outcome later in the chapter, that’s indicated in the wiki. So with a bit of pre-reading of the wiki before you play the chapter, and/or with the wiki open on a separate screen as you play, you can get the best outcome without having to buy that outfit or bonus scene that promised you ‘an advantage.’ Obviously, your mileage may vary on whether this method is actually worth it, or whether it takes all the fun out of Choices by ‘cheating’ at the gaming aspect. I personally view Choices as more of an interactive story app than a game I’m trying to beat, so I have no issue with this method, but opinions may differ and that’s okay.

6. If you’re really feeling like a lack of diamonds is limiting your playing experience, it may be best to start out with ‘cheaper’ books until you have more diamonds stored up. In this case, I’m using ‘cheaper’ to mean books where there are fewer diamond scenes, where diamond scenes are less expensive, and/or where diamond scenes don’t play as big a role in the plot. It can be hard to identify which books fit this bill, but as a general rule, it’s more likely to be the earlier-released ones or less-popular ones. Some which I’d recommend are the first few books of the Freshman series, the #LoveHacks series, the High School Story series, the Perfect Match series, Most Wanted, The Heist: Monaco, Wishful Thinking, Bachelorette Party, and The Royal Masquerade.

7. Finally, a really quick tip for making the most out of free keys – keys are used up as soon as you start a book chapter, and refresh ~every 3 hours. This means that, even if you don’t have time to play chapters every 3 hours, you should try to open the app roughly that often and just click to unlock a chapter. When you finally have time to play, you’ll have a whole lot of chapters ready to go plus another two refreshed keys, and you can power through them at whatever speed you need to fit in them into your break time or to earn diamonds for an upcoming release. Once again, this is a tip that may need to be practised in moderation, because you don’t want to be constantly interrupting your life to load up an app on your phone. But even if you just log in and unlock chapters every 6 hours, or every 12 hours, that’s still 2-4 extra chapters ready for you at the end of the day plus your two free keys.

I think that’s about all for my tips! Thanks for reading, and I hope it helped at least a bit ❤️

[simpstyle]

November Tarotscopes: Remember to Always Trust Yourself First

Scorpio- 3 of Swords | Page of Coins 

Scorpio, this month you are finding truth, power, and divinity in who you truly are. You are moving away from difficult situations surrounding love, home, and your finances. The empress understands her abundance, and that she flows and gives birth to her desires. You find yourself feeling worthy of what your heart has wished on for a very long time. It was always there, the decision was just always up to you. Now you finally feel ready, now you see your worth, now you see the light in your being and that it is a magnet to all that is good and destined for yourself. Advice- Pick your head up and hold it high. It's been a long time coming, and maybe you've sat with a decision for a very long time and you've made the move towards destiny. The waters will begin to smooth out towards the end of the month, till now the advice is to ride the wave. Mercury is RX in your sign, and it is helping you see your truth for what it is if you couldn't see it before. Trust that change is constant, and just like the leaves falling off of a tree it takes trust to know that there is life and fulfillment on the other side of loss.

Aries- High Priestess | Strength

Aries, this month is all about following your intuition and getting in touch with that deep, patient, and emotional side of yourself. Whether you're called to make some risky decisions , take powerfully bold moves, or completely lift the veil of perception its going to take understanding of your essence and power to do so.Your 3rd eye is opening this month to reveal truth about yourself and how you play a part in being the creator of your reality.

Advice- Your advice is to trust your strength and divine power to give you the push you need to make decisions. Some of them will feel natural, others will be difficult but when you follow your heart and trust your intuition the impossible becomes possible.

Taurus- Four of Cups | Temperance

Taurus babies, I know you're feeling discontent and disconnected. I want you to be careful with going too far down the rabbit hole this month, sometimes its good that things don't happen when, and how you want them to. Start getting used to finding your triggers, and why the need to control is so prevalent right now. Mercury RX is here to teach you patience, and to triple check what you do and where you're going. Change your perspective and have gratitude for the slow down this month, it's here to push you past physical exertion, and that true strength is in the power of the mind. Advice- The angels are stepping in to bring balance and harmony to your emotions. You've been sitting in the mud thinking your cup is half empty and that what you want will never show up. If your patient, and learn that optimism is imbedded in faith you will see how the shift in your reality is based on how you view it. The angels are transmuting right now, sit with how you feel, and explore yourself. The best is yet to come.

Gemini 9 of Wands | 8 of Cups

Gemini, you've finally decided to walk away from being the burden keeper or the one who picks up the pieces to make things work. You realize all the pressure you've put on yourself, and that in the end walking away was the best choice you could've made in the name of self love. The fact that you are willing to explore the deepest parts of yourself has made you realize how small you've made yourself out to be. You're getting vulnerable with yourself this month, because the truth is that you've had enough.

Advice- Don't look back, and make sure what ever path you take this month feels right. how would you know? because your heart feels excited and that feeling in your gut wont stop nagging till you take the steps you are destined to take. Trust yourself on this powerful and transformational journey your on this month.

Cancer- 9 of Cups | 10 of cups

Cancer, this month you are closing out a cycle, Im hearing this could've been a 9 year or even 9 month cycle for some of you.It could've been a cycle filled with lost of regret and disappointment of projects, relationships, friendships, and jobs that didn't work out. Your financial situation is changing this month as well, you'll be receiving gifts from the universe that are aligning to your new vibration. Your wish fulfillment is here, you can finally relax, and enjoy life.

Advice- Your karma is looking beautiful. You're more confident in your endeavors and who you are as an individual. You see that anything you've experienced within that time line has made you into a stronger person, and that your resilience is your greatest attribute because you've made it. This is happiness, and fulfillment EMBODIED.

Leo- 7 of Wands RX | The High Priestess RX

Leo, you're feeling weary or defensive about people around you, except its not them its you! Your ego is bringing those fears up to the surface and instead of handling them, you are projecting them onto people who have no idea what is currently happening. This ego flare up is big enough to have the wheels of karma turning its head right back onto you. See what wounds are being highlighted, and the pattern of how you choose to process these emotions. If you choose to stand in defense of something you aren't in the position to bring union and harmony to the situation which will eventually give you more reasons to keep that guard up.

Advice- Follow your intuition, and ACTUALLY do the shadow work it takes to heal. Your higher self is asking you to be neutral, and non reactive and that what ever is currently showing up for you is a reflection of yourself. Take responsibility, or you'll loose really good people in your life who truly... just want to help.

Virgo -The Tower | The Sun

Virgo, in order for things to be rebuilt, something has to get torn apart. So, let the wrecking ball roll in because this one is a big one! There is someone who is coming in or has been a part of your life for a while who is selfish and doesn't have the best intentions for you. Trust me, the Universe has your back, not only will this person get served (legal problems anyone?)something better comes after this person comes to sabotage your life. You've worked on your boundaries now the Universe is going to test how strong they are. The worst is over. Advice- This is YOUR time to shine, your time to feel the earths energy move through your feet, your time to feel one with anything. Don't allow these individuals to rain on your parade they've done that enough. Give them the boot, hit them with the peace sign and tell them to keep it pushing! Dueces!!!!!

Libra- Ace of Rods | 10 of Pentacles

Libra, this month your will power is on display for everyone to see. I hope they understand that if they aren't helping you they need to get out the way... and I mean FAST! You're full of inspiration and great ideas. You've written them down, you've followed through and this month you do the work by taking action. You are goin g to meet some amazing new people this month who will empower you and help you build your legacy. These people are creative, inspiring and uplifting and want to see you win! I see some major collaborations that will bring in success and be the foundation for a future built to make it to the top!

Advice- Trust you vision, be discerning (although these people are messengers sent from your angels), and collaborate. It is safe to work with these individuals, they admire who you are as an individual and see how being in your life can also help them. The energy exchange you'll be receiving this month is one for the books so get to writing, planning and getting it all done!

Sagittarius- 2 of Swords | 10 of Pentacles

Sagittarius, there is someone who wants to come in with a commitment, maybe marriage, a proposal, but for some reason you aren't feeling ready.I t could also be a promotion, or something along the lines that will help you elevate your financial status. Be careful not to stall, or self sabotage your way out of these blessings. You're either completely opposed to it, or not really sure if this is truly what you want. This month you're being asked to see what it is you're truly resisting here, and how you can go about it in a clear and conscientious way..  Advice- I see this offer is one that is destined for you. Don't let mental conflict and fear deter you from what is rightfully yours. You've worked long and hard for this to finally manifest but you may be feeling so burned out and overwhelmed you've chosen not to make a decision. if you're feeling unsure wait till Mercury is direct to see how you feel about these decisions then.

Capricorn- Queen of Swords | King of Pentacles

 Capricorn, you're feeling restless and tired of waiting for your chips to come in. It's important to be patient as the Universe is testing you to see what you're willing to put up with. I feel this is the final test, and you're going to meet with the big boss to close out the cycle. You are ready to fight for what is yours, and by no means necessary are you willing to settle. There is someone in your life, possibly a boss who cannot be trusted. This person only thinks of themselves, and sees your boundaries as a way for you to create conflict within the work environment.  Advice- Think like a boss, what would you do if you were your own boss? How can you level up financially on your own if you're an aspiring entrepreneur. . There is a lot to learn from this person when it comes to running a business, learn what you can and leave. You have more potential than this person is willing to recognize. The Queen of Swords doesn't have time for the ego of the King of Pentacles, and she's always ready to cut out the bulls*!t.

Aquarius- The Emperor | The World

Aquarius, you're stepping in to a whole new world, are you ready to know what this feels like? You've transformed so much and are sitting on your throne as the emperor. You know this is your time. You know this is exactly what you deserve, after doing the soul work and recognizing your mistakes. You're in a position where people are watching you and want to learn from you. Share your knowledge of self and of growth with others so that they can also join you on the other side of self empowerment. Advice- This newness will be felt in every area of your life, you will see that the sun has shined for you, and that the moon has been there all along as your best friend showing you what was lurking within the shadows. Now that you've stepped over into the new cycle of your life, what will you do with all this power, how can you help those who have struggled with getting to where you are their entire life?

Pisces -Ten of Swords | Ace of Swords

Pisces, you still have a few more fights left in you. It seems like you've hit rock bottom or the end of a path that was long and hard on the soul. The Universe is giving you one last chance to find your strength and use every sword used against you in the name of justice. You may find out some disappointing news this month that might lead to mental anguish and leave you feeling distraught, but this is where like the phoenix you rise. No matter how much this hurts, the truth is your greatest weapon, and it will show you how being you was never the cause for backstabbing. These people surrounding you were never capable of reaching you where you are so they tore you down. Advice- There will be justice, and you walking away is just that. As you walk away you get stronger, and more assertive about the things you say, and the things you want in life. This rebirth gives you the final push to stay committed to YOU and no one else. This changes everything for you, there will be no more excuses for why people treat you how they do. You will no longer tolerate being taken for granted and the disrespect. You're standing powerfully and gracefully in your power.

[swiftsuburbanlegends]

Am I Ready For Love, or Maybe Just a Best Friend?

Owen Queen has understood love his whole life. But that doesn’t mean he can’t get it wrong a time or two.

This is for @mickeysjones​ because we added in another next gen person and of course she’s connected to my favorite boy.... 

If you asked Owen if there was a moment in his six years of life where he wished it could erase the whole day, today would be that day. He would rather take three math tests in a row, then be lying in his bed. Especially when his entire family, immediate and extended, were down stairs having food and fun. 

“Knock knock,” his dad stood at the door holding a small pint of ice cream. “I brought you something to eat.”

He glared at the food, then at Oliver. “I’d rather have laptkes.”

“Latkes,” he corrected with a grin. “And maybe in a couple of days. You just had your tonsils out this morning, let’s stick with softer stuff.”

“It won’t be Haunnkah in a couple of days,” he grumbled, folding his arms as he turned away.

“I know buddy.” Oliver moved into the room, taking a seat on the edge of Owen’s bed. “Everyone misses you too. But we want you to feel better. That’s more important.”

“Whatever.”

He holds up the ice cream again, waving the spoon in front of Owen’s face. “It’s double chocolate.”

He took the pint, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t still upset.

“Want me to bring you up anything else?”

Footsteps came bounding up the stairs. Owen and Oliver turned towards the door as Sara Diggle popped her head in. 

“Uncle Ollie, Daddy told me to come and get you for a kitchen emergency.”

“What kind of emergency?”

“Aunt Licity and Donna are trying to cook more food.”

Owen watched as a mild panic crossed his dad’s face. “I will come back and check on you later. I have to go keep your mom and grandma from burning a hole in my kitchen.”

Oliver slipped past Sara and down the hall. He assumed she’d follow his dad back to the party, but she hovered at the door.

“Everyone wishes you were downstairs,” she said, pushing herself further in. “Miriam looks miserable. But Ada and Mia keep trying to distract her.”

“Thanks,” he took the lid off his ice cream and dug his spoon in. 

“You don’t look so happy for someone who gets to eat ice cream for dinner.”

“I’d rather have dinner with everyone else,” he grumbled through a bite. 

She nodded, then pulled something in from the hall. It was wrapped in blue and silver paper, about half the size of her as she struggled to maneuver it through the doorway. He could see his name written in big bold letters. “Which is why I thought I’d bring you your present. To cheer you up a little.”

Owen smiled as she came over to his bed, setting the box across his lap. He eyed the gift and then Sara. “It’s not Christmas.”

“No,” she agreed with a grin. “But it is the last night of Hanukkah. Besides we leave for the grandparents in the morning. So it’s the last time we’ll be home until New Years.”

Owen placed his ice cream on his bedside table then pulled the package closer. “You sure it’s okay to open it?”

She rolled her eyes. “Who cares. What are they gonna do get mad at you when you just had  organs taken out of your head?”

She had a point. And Owen was really curious to see what was under that wrapping paper.

He ripped at the paper, Sara egging him on the whole time. Once he got the paper off, he lifted the lid from the box.

There, sitting with tissue paper stuffed around it, was a small blue guitar. 

“You got this for me?”

“Technically Connor and JJ helped too. Mostly with the money. Mom said I had to say that,” she admitted with a grin. “But I picked it out. I also wrapped it. So remember that when you start learning how to write songs on that thing.”

Owen let his fingers glide across the neck of the guitar. He didn’t think anyone had ever given him such a nice present before. In the shine of its surface, he could see Sara’s reflection. The way she smiled at him, how happy giving him this guitar made her, it lit up her whole face. And he felt the smile grow on his as well. 

He didn’t put the words to that feeling until a few years later, but that’s the moment he was sure he knew he loved Sara Diggle. And once he did realize it, he didn’t think he’d ever feel differently.

---

Owen leaned against the porch railing, hearing the sounds of family and laughter coming from inside. But he stayed outside trying to find the courage to go talk to Cami.

Why had he done it? Why did he even put that vibe out into the world? Things had been good, no they had been great between them. But Owen had to open his mouth and ruin everything. Now he was more confused than ever.

“Hey.” He turned towards the front door, Cami standing there in a dark red dress. He had invited her so they could hear his and Miriam’s new song. But… “You’re family’s wondering where you went? Is everything okay?”

It wasn’t. Despite how much he wanted things to be. But he messed everything up. And now all he could hear with his own words on a constant loop in his head. 

“Not really,” he managed with a sigh. 

He wished he could rewind the week. Back to before Diggle’s had come to dinner on Monday. Before he knew that Sara and Adam were officially a thing. 

She told him that night up in his room how much she loved Adam. How she could see herself marrying him one day. 

Then the next thing Owen knew he was telling Cami he loved her. And from the moment those words came out of his mouth, everything had changed. 

It’s not that he didn’t love her. He was pretty sure he did. But it had always been as a friend. Saying those words had messed everything up.

“Can we talk?” he asked, motioning to the swing off to the side.

Cami followed him, taking a deep breath as she sat. “Depends. Can I go first?”

He wanted to try and rip it off like a bandaid. But she threw him off to the point where all he could say in response was. “Uh yeah I guess. Sure.”

Cami looked almost as nervous as he felt as they sat there in the quiet. “Look Owen about the other night…”

“That’s kinda what I wanted to talk about too.”

The turned a little finally meeting each other’s eyes. Cami looked sad. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?”

“When you came over, and we talked, you said you love me,” she paused biting at her lip. “And I said I love you too.”

“I remember,” Owen hadn’t thought of anything else in days.

“When I said that. I think I just got caught up in the moment.” She shook her head. “I love you, Owen. But I think it’s just--”

“As a friend?” he finished in relief.

She looked at him and smiled. “You too then?”

“I’m sorry Cami,” he threw his head back and laughed. “I honestly thought I meant it when I said it. I wouldn’t have tried to lead you on or anything.”

“Owen, come on. I would never think that,” she reached over and took his hand in hers. “We’ve been dating for a few months. It’s normal to want to reach that next thing.”

“So you don’t hate me?”

“Never.” 

The nerves he felt lessened as they sat with each other. “I’m glad we’re friends.”

“Me too.”

“Should we go in, and listen to the new song now?”

“I would love too.”

He rolled his eyes and they laughed together, just sitting and enjoying being each other’s friend. Maybe she wasn’t the love of his life, maybe his first real girlfriend had always just been a friend. But he was glad they had tried. For whatever it's worth, he would always be glad they had.

---

Another party, another time sitting on the outskirts of it. He laughed at the irony. Especially since the party he was currently missing was for himself. 

“Owen?” he turned to the voice as she came up the barely lit parking lot. “What are you doing out here?”

Sara looked nice in a vibrant purple dress, her hair pinned back as she walked towards the front of the club.

“Lorena’s running late,” he replied as he stood. “I wanted to meet her out here, considering how my mom usually is.”

“Not easy when you got a parent against your relationship huh?”

“Nope,” he shook with a soft laugh.

They were kind of in the same boat he guessed. With Adam being the grandson of supervillain, Damien Darhk, and Lorena being the princess of the Bertinelli crime family. But neither of them were anything like their families. Not where it mattered most.

“Felicity will come around,” Sara said as she leaned in for a quick hug. “She knows how much you care about Lorena.”

“I think knowing it and believing it are vastly different.” 

Something in the night air shifted as Sara looked on. She watched him, almost like recalling something from years past. Then she smiled with a nod. “You love her.”

It wasn’t a question. Just a pure and simple fact that Owen hadn’t told a soul yet. Not even Lorena. But he didn’t want to deny it.

“I do,” he said, not being able to hide his grin. “I’m crazy, stupidly in love with her.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Sara said. 

He looked at her then, saw the way her head dipped when she said it. “You knew didn’t you? How I felt.”

He didn’t elaborate, didn’t want to put it out there in case he had been wrong. But like always, Sara knew exactly what he meant. “Not the whole time. I kinda thought maybe it went away when you and Cami started seeing each other.”

“It didn’t.”

“Is that why you two didn’t work? Because of me?”

“We were always better as friends. Just like you and me.” he slid next to her nudging her shoulder.  “I wanted to say thank you thank you though.”

“What did I do?”

“I believed in love because of you,” he replied as he let his shoulders shrug. “I believed it could happen because of how I loved you. But now I know what love is like. What it feels like to be so in love with someone you can’t imagine your life without them.”

She looked happy for him. “Are you gonna tell her?”

“I am,” Owen said as another set of footsteps crossed the asphalt.

Sara looked over, and he followed her line of sight. 

She looked stunning, in a deep blue dress, with black accents. And Owen felt his heart stammer as he watched her walk closer to them.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” Sara said, then winked at him. “Happy birthday Owen.”

“Thanks,” he mouthed, then focused his attention solely on Lorena. “Hey you.”

“Sorry I’m late,” she said wrapping her arms around his neck. “Work was a nightmare.”

“It’s okay,” he pulled her close with a quick kiss. “You didn’t miss much.”

“Having a good birthday?” she asked, and he knew without her having to say words they were both thinking back to when they met. Two years ago almost to the moment. God, how could his life shift so completely in that time? He felt more at peace, more himself than he could have ever imagined back then. And he owed a part of that to her, to what she inspired in him.

“It’s better now that you’re here,” he admitted. “Miriam wants us to sing.”

“I’m so glad I didn’t miss that.”

“I love you,” he whispered. Because he had wanted to tell her for weeks, months even. And he couldn’t think of a single reason to wait another second.

Lorena smiled, leaning in to kiss him softly. 

He had felt love three times in his life, outside of his family, three very different, very profound times. Maybe each one had been a building block for the next. Maybe it had meant to lead him right there to that exact moment. If Lorena didn’t feel the same it would be okay. Because he tried. And all he could hope for was to try.

When she pulled back, he could feel the sigh sudder out of her. And he knew even before she spoke, what she was about to say. But he still grinned like an idiot as she said. “I love you too.”

[sweetenoughandfaraway]

Blind Gossip: A One Direction Speculations Masterpost

(Tumblr took this down ‘cause BG’s legal team is whatever, but I wanted it to live on so I removed the screenshots. I abandoned this in 2013 because the amount of time I spent on it was unhealthy, LOL, but here it is for those that may have wanted to see it)

Blind Gossip: A One Direction Speculations Masterpost (Ace’s “Dark” Period: Added Nov. 8th, 2013)

Alternatively titled “You’re pretty ace, Ace”

Disclaimer: The analyses contained within this post are all personal, so I’m not claiming to be right in anything I say. I am certainly not Ace and I do not have all of the answers. I did, however, spend a great deal of time organizing and researching in order to put this together, so it is my sincere hope that you enjoy it should you choose to read it.

Note: This post will be continually updated as new blinds surface.

Welcome! This post will include my own speculations and educated (or maybe not-so-educated) guesses about certain Blind Gossip entries. It is important before you read on that you are aware that I believe Harry and Louis are in a relationship, and will be analyzing these blinds with that belief in mind.

At the end of the day, it’s your choice whether or not you believe any of this. You are welcome to your own opinions and analyses.

Now, before I begin, let’s explore a little bit about Blind Gossip and how it works.

What exactly is Blind Gossip?

Blind Gossip is essentially a celebrity gossip site that is run by the anonymous “Ace.” The stories featured on the sites are called “blinds,” a word derived from the term “blind item.” A blind item is defined as “a news story, usually gossip, in which the details of the matter are reported while the identities of the people involved are not revealed.“ Basically, posting blind items is a way to release information about celebrities/PR stunts without the risk of lawsuits or otherbacklash because no names were used. However, there is normally a plethora of hints provided, which can usually guide the reader to make an educated guess about the subject(s).

The blinds that the site posts cover a wide range of topics (pregnancy rumors, drug addictions, and PR/closeting, to name a few) and their subjects represent a wide range of celebs (athletes, singers, actors, reality show stars, and so on). BG features two types of blinds - solved and unsolved. When posting blind items, Ace normally does so in the form of a “BG12345,” which consists of 5 blind items being presented, one per hour, beginning at a certain time that Ace will often previously announce. Some blinds never get solved (any unsolved blinds are stored in the “uncategorized” category on the site) and are left to forever be a mystery. Those that are solved, however, can be further divided into two types - those that present concrete proof and those that do not. Sometimes Ace will link a major news source reporting on the content of the blind, or present other evidence that proves the solved blind to be true. When this happens, other sources usually pick up the story and it morphs from a rumor into news. Oftentimes, Ace’s blinds are the first to hint at a scandal in a celeb’s life before it even hits the papers. But sometimes (like many of the One Direction blinds) the blind is solved with no real evidence and you have to take Ace’s word for it. Assuming Blind Gossip is truthful on matters that were never concretely proved is pure speculation, andit is crucial to always keep this in mind before one starts taking Ace’s word as gospel.

It is very important to remember that first and foremost, BG is a gossip site. Its entire point is to get hits and make money, whether that is achieved through exposing the truth or concocting/perpetuating lies. To further your understanding of this, please read the following disclaimer from the site, including crucial parts I have bolded for emphasis:

Disclaimer

1. This is a gossip site. Information published on the site – especially information republished from other sites – may be inaccurate or contain errors. BlindGossip.com makes no warranties or guarantees about the accuracy or reliability of the site’s content.

2. The materials on BlindGossip.com’s web site are provided “as is”. BlindGossip.com makes no warranties, expressed or implied, and hereby disclaims and negates all other warranties, including without limitation, implied warranties or conditions of merchantability, fitness for a particular purpose, or non-infringement of intellectual property or other violation of rights. Further, BlindGossip.com does not warrant or make any representations concerning the accuracy, likely results, or reliability of the use of the materials on its Internet web site or otherwise relating to such materials or on any sites linked to this site.

Secondly, now that we have been properly disclaimed, I have organized some resources below that will serve to explain some things about Blind Gossip’s reputation, and what sets it apart from a typical, trashy gossip site.

This post was originally written by my lovely friend Stefania (she used to have a blog at couldnotspeakasloudasmyheart), and explains a few things about BG’s reliability (scroll down past blog header to read):

Why is Blind Gossip considered a reliable source?

As well as this blind, which demonstrates how seriously Ace takes the content of all blinds & the credibility of BG’s sources:

A Liar Gets Caught

And an ask by gossip-candy that further clarifies Ace’s professionalism:

Gossip Candy

And now that you know what you’re getting into, let’s begin!

This masterpost will serve to organize any and all Blind Gossip entries that may involve certain One Direction members. I will analyze each blind by providing an explanation of any clues that may point to One Direction being the subject(s) of the blind, and which information may signify that the blind is not about them. Clues, you’ll find, can be found both in wordplay and general context. I also provide background for events the blind may be referencing, and try to set a timeframe for any blind that references a specific event/events that happened in the past.

The following blinds have been organized chronologically, and all the titles are linked to their corresponding blinds. On behalf of Ace, I ask that you please do follow the link to read the original blind, in addition to viewing the screenshots I have provided. All credit for any screenshotted blind goes to blindgossip.com.

We’ll begin our journey with the ever-famous (and my personal favorite) “Boy Banders Are Hiding A Secret,” which was posted to the Blind Gossip site on April 5th, 2012.

1. “Boy Banders Are Hiding A Secret“ - April 5th, 2012

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A fantastic place to start our journey! This blind has been analyzed to death, but if you’re not familiar with it, here is a list of clues people picked up on that clearly hint at One Direction:

"singing competition show" » X-Factor

stereotypes » The Bad Boy (Zayn), The Baby (Niall), The Nice One (Liam), leaving Harry&Louis to be The Gay Ones

"beautiful young men" » What Makes You Beautiful

"one" mentioned 6 times » One Direction

"one has a beard" » Louis was dating Eleanor, Harry was single

"up all night" » name of debut album

To me, this is still the most believable blind to date. I try to always remain skeptical with these situations, and I would have chalked it all up to coincidence… had Ace not thrown in “up all night.” All the hints add up, and the name of their debut album inserted so cleverly in the text really just seals the deal for me. Out of all the blinds, this would be one I’d place a bet on.

2. “Floating Pics of One Direction Singer” - July 23rd, 2012

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I actually have never seen a post about this blind, but that is because I am still relatively new to the One Direction fandom and this was back in 2012.

We don’t even have to speculate that this about 1D because hey look, they tell us right there in the title! Now, as we all know, Harry has been deemed the "womanizer" of the group. So personally, I’d venture to guess that this blind is aimed towards him.

3. “Tease and Announcement“ - October 15th, 2012

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So like I was saying, my blog and I weren’t around in 2012 when this was all going down. But this blind, according to my research, freaked some people out because they thought it was about Louis/Eleanor. I’ve also heard that there was a similar collective freak-out when Eleanor was sporting a fancy Forever 21 ring. So yeah, this is clearly a blind that’s going to warrant some freaking.

This article provides us with the fact that he is a "singer," which at least narrows it down a bit.

Some possible hints that were thrown around:

“one hot young singer” » Surprise, One Direction (This is mostly noteworthy because Ace could have just as easily written “He is a hot younger singer;” using “one” just wasn’t necessary and actually makes the word flow a bit awkward.)

2 mentions of ”beautiful” » What Makes You Beautiful, as well asevery single article known to man referring to Louis’ beautiful girlfriend Eleanor Calder

There’s a lot of speculation on this one and definitely not as many hints. And there’s also the fact that it is 2013 and Louis and Eleanor aren’t engaged or married.

So for now, we’re going to move on. Do not fear, this blind will be revisited in the fifth section. Also, keep the concluding sentence “More later” in the back of your brain.

4. “One of You Will Know The Truth” - October 16th, 2012

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And here comes some heavy speculation. This article is the least specific yet. No mentions of “performer” or “singer.” Just "young man.“

There are a few hints, though:

"teen/tween" » the majority of 1D’s fanbase, as well as their intended audience

“one day,” ”one of you will know the truth” » One Direction

4 mentions of "Tell her…" » 4 mentions of "Tell me" in Tell Me A Lie:

Tell me I’m a screwed up mess… / Tell me you don’t want my kiss… / Tell me anything… / Tell me a lie

(Special thanks to dlr99 on Blind Gossip for pointing out the Tell her/Tell me comparison in the comments… The paragraph originally made me think of Tell Me A Lie but I thought it was too far of a stretch. But now that I see the number of mentions match the chorus, it seems a little more likely that it was planned.)

Now, it’s funny how this came out a day after the “Tease and Announcement” blind. Actually, it’s not really that funny. These articles go hand-in-hand; that much is clear.

And that’s about all I’ve got on this one. It’s incredibly vague (on purpose, I’m sure) and I can’t say anything for a fact. I can say, however, that this blind will also be briefly revisited in the next section.

5. ”Heartthrob Proposed to Girlfriend” - October 22nd, 2012

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I’m sure you know this blind quite well, and you may be wondering why I am including it.

A lot of people threw around Jelena guesses in the comments section of “Tease and Announcement” and “One of You Will Know The Truth.” Justin/Selena were later revealed as the subjects of this blind (and this blind only). Now, it is very important to note the following:

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“While he was not the subject of those blinds”

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Blind Gossip basically just told us that these two blinds are not about Justin. Since he was the biggest contender, this now leaves more room for it to be Louis. But like I’ve been saying, this does not prove anything. All I can say is that one of the popular guesses has been more or less eliminated by Ace.

6. “They Won’t Make It To Valentine’s Day” - December 7th, 2012 (SOLVED)

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This blind is hilarious because Harry/Taylor had JUST been photographed as a "real couple" in Central Park Zoo on December 3rd, and people on BG were already guessing “Haylor” as the answer to this blind, which was posted just 4 days later. Some pretty obvious clues include:

“never, ever admit” » We Are Never, Ever Getting Back Together

“trouble fans” » I Knew You Were Trouble

photo » Taylor is known for making her hands into a heart at her concerts

Valentine’s Day » Taylor starred in a movie by the same name

So basically the answer was crystal clear, so no one was surprised when it was solved.

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Ace gives us a few pretty good gems about how fake this relationship was in the following paragraphs, including:

Why did they break up? Well, we’ll let you in on a little secret: These two couldn’t stand each other! That’s right. They didn’t even like each other! Each one thinks that the other is immature and annoying. Frankly, they are probably both right. While holding hands they grimaced in a way that kids do when they think that someone is giving them the cooties. They really didn’t like kissing each other (that New Year’s Eve kiss was staged), and they certainly never slept together. Yes, all that sneaking in and out of hotels nonsense was totally choreographed.

The purpose of this blind was basically just to confirm what we already knew; Haylor was nothing but a pitiful publicity set-up that wasn’t built to last. However, this would not be the last of the Haylor blinds…

7. “Relationship Runway Rant“ - January 15th, 2013 (SOLVED)

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Surprise! Another obvious one. Some clues that pointed to Harry/Taylor:

"a bad actor” » Let’s be honest here, Harry Styles is not a good faker; his facial expressions in the Haylor pics alone were enough to give them away

“his management team" » From what we have seen, whether it’s the rumored romance of Harry/Caroline Flack or the staged Emma Ostilly kiss, the One Direction management loves a good set-up

“needed the publicity” » Taylor’s album “Red” had been released back in October

“sweet, together girl” » Taylor Swift is, after all, “America’s Sweetheart”

“never getting back together” » We Are Never, Ever Getting Back Together

Now, at this point in the game, we must remember that it is important to take every Blind Gossip article with a grain of salt. This one was a little harder for me to believe because the quotes in the article are so specific; they would have had to come from a direct source that overheard the entire conversation. However, the hilarious commentary in the “Solved” section dissolved some of my doubts.

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A few notes to Tay Tay, who we hear reads BG:

1. Sweetie, the bodyguards that surround you don’t provide a magic invisibility shield or a soundproof shield.  It might help to remember that the next time you are in a public place.

HAHAHA. So maybe a source did actually overhear her, who knows?

Also:

5. Act your age. Date your age. Oh, and try to date straight boys. They might actually like you.

WELL WELL WELL. Ace, are you trying to say that Harry Styles isn’t straight? Hm. How very interesting.

This is just yet another blind that shows the transparency of “Haylor,” while casually throwing in a hint that Harry Styles may not be the straight womanizer he is portrayed to be.

8. “Two Plus Two Equals Bedlam” - November 19th, 2012 (SOLVED)image

This blind actually didn’t do much to hint at anyone in One Direction originally, at least in the usual wordplay way. There were some context clues, but this wasn’t really on my radar until after it was solved. (This is out of chronological order because it was solved after the Haylor blinds, and only makes sense after reading them.)image

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If indeed true, this blind doesn’t do much except to reinforce the fact that One Direction’s management (and according to Ace, Taylor “Because we needed the f*cking publicity” Swift) will do anything to make sure the boys are always on the public’s radar, no matter the personal cost. (And it demonstrates that, to no surprise, Niall is a really great friend who knows when to say no.)

9. “Two Hotties Interested In One“ - January 18th, 2013

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This one’s a funny one. When it was first posted, there were quite a few clues the fandom believed pointed towards this being about Harry/Louis, such as:

"Two Hotties Are Interested in One,” “which one is worthy of her crush,” “which one she would want to marry”» One Direction

"two talented, under-25 performers” » Harry was 18 and Louis was 21 at this point

"just a couple of years” » One Direction officially started ‘working’ together in 2011, which would have been two years ago

There are also a few, less-concrete hints:

"they don’t look alike” » I mean, this certainly can depend on individual opinion. But honestly, Harry and Louis really don’t look much alike. Besides the obvious differences of short/curvy and tall/flat, their hair/eye color/facial structure are incredibly unique from the other.

“Set-ups with girls are fake” » Fresh off the Haylor train, this comes as no surprise.

The one thing that threw everyone off a bit was the pair being popular among the “young adult” crowd comment. Most of the One Direction fanbase is made of tweens/teens. As a young adult fan myself, I can vouch for our existence, but I wouldn’t go so far as to say that we make up the majority of the fanbase. However, the blind goes on to mention “young girls" being interested in them. So that disconnect is something to keep in mind.

Now, shortly after this blind was posted, it was updated to say that it was actually about two actors on a television show, and was correspondingly tagged as “actors, television.” A lot of guesses about Harry/Louis had already been thrown about in the comments section, which is probably why Ace added that it was not about any of the One Direction boys. But, BG still threw us a bone with a little side-comment “(although other blinds might be).”

Even though Blind Gossip says that it’s not about One Direction, it doesn’t necessarily mean it isn’t. BG has lied before and said a blind isn’t about someone, and then it is solved to be that very person. So honestly, this one is pretty much up in the air.

10. “He Will Lose His Job If He Comes Out“ - January 24th, 2013

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This blind was interesting. One of the biggest context clues is that "The Gay One" is referenced, which of course was introduced in the very first blind "Boy Banders Hiding A Secret." But which one? The general consensus’ reaction was that it would most likely be about Harry, since no girlfriend/beard was mentioned. This article also uses the word ”one” many times, just like many of the previous blinds. So, to review the specific hints:

“The Gay One" »Throwback to "Boy Banders Hiding A Secret" blind

4 mentions of ”one” » One Direction

"He is not the only one in his group of colleagues to feel this way” » Also another throwback to the “Boy Banders” blind, referencing "The Other Gay One" (assumed to be Louis)

"sell an image” » We all know that Harry’s image is that of a womanizer, and his many high-profile setups prove his management wants that image to sell. He is certainly not alone in this, though; most management nowadays is all about image, so this doesn’t necessarily prove it’s about Harry.

"if he goes rogue” » It’s a bit of a stretch, but parsleybabe pointed out to me that this could be referring to Louis’ first band “The Rogue.” If the blind is about Harry, “going rogue” could possibly refer to “going for Louis.”

The rest of it is very general:

"cute, young celebrity" » Harry’s the youngest in the band, and he is certainly cute, but this description could apply to countless celebs

"part of a group" » this certainly narrows it down, but there are other groups out there it could apply to

substantially older management team » The founders of Modest! are “substantially older;” Richard Griffiths has been in the business for forty years, founding his first agency in 1974; Harry Magee has been in the industry for over thirty years, joining his first company in 1982. However, this is still quite general, as other groups may also have an older management team.

The thing that doesn’t sit right with me is the part that says the other members of the group are "content to play the public game of pretending that they are all straight as long as the paychecks keep rolling in." Perhaps it is just me being idealistic, but having been following the boys for quite a while, they’ve never struck me as the type that are just in it for the money. They are incredibly generous with their donations to charity, and are much more expressive about the fact that they are living their dreams, rather than focusing on the money/fame aspect. Personally, I wouldn’t bet on this one.

11. “He Already Has Someone” - January 31st, 2013 (SOLVED)

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This one was so deliciously obvious. First of all, let’s just take a moment to appreciate the crater of a dimple in Photo Boy’s face. Secondly:

“takes her home" » second album name, Take Me Home

"the blonde is just a friend” » The day before, Harry was spotted with his blonde friend Ellis Calcutt, and the next day articles like this were circulating like wildfire around the Internet:

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Lastly, the part that mentions he "isn’t ready to take it public yet" is reminiscent of the "Two Hotties Interested In One" blind, which mentioned "even if they can’t express it yet in public.”

So really, nobody was surprised when this popped up again on August 8th, 2013:

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Now, down in the solved section of this blind is a little blurb about actress Emily Atack admitting to a “fling” with Harry. The whole thing is emphasized to be very casual, never a “boyfriend and girlfriend” kind of deal. This struck me as quite weird, because even though it seemed BG’s intention was to prove that Harry is already with someone and the setups are fake, they still threw in something about a girl he was “seeing” back in the day. Like I said before, I’m not Ace, so I can’t really tell you what that means. It could have been BG’s way of trying to tiptoe around the subject so as not to get into trouble with any big wigs, or perhaps Ace was just trying to stir the pot a little.

What’s important to take away from this is that all of the clues pointed to Harry, and this blind ended up being about him just as we suspected. One might go so far as to say that a pattern is slowly, but surely, being established.

12. “Porny Reputation“ - February 7th, 2013 (SOLVED)

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This one got pretty hilarious, especially within the fandom. When this blind surfaced, the Internet exploded with the name “Jack Styles.” He does certainly resemble Harry, and the sharing of “Styles” is a pretty big clue. Take a look:

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The video in question is years old, from back in August 2009, but a video doesn’t necessarily have to be new to “surface.” And according to my research, Harry’s “look-alike” had been circulating through the Tumblrsphere before the blind was even posted.

A few context clues include:

"one of the world’s biggest young stars" » This isn’t specific by any  means, but let’s be honest… Who in the world doesn’t at least know Harry Styles’ name at this point? He dominates the media, and he’s also the youngest in the band. We can assume he is at least a likely candidate. (Also, one of the world’s biggest stars » One Direction)

"a collective heart attack” » Heart Attack, track on the Take Me Home album

Now, if this is indeed about Jack/Harry Styles, BG made a few errors. Jack Styles has been Jack Styles since 2009, so he didn’t name himself after Harry. Secondly, he doesn’t even do porn anymore! According to his profile (WARNING: link leads to mature content), he only did five videos in 2009. (The Harry look-alike pictures come from the video with Sean Taylor). So this one is a bit of a toss-up. The details certainly check out, and in some shots he does very much look like Harry, but one can never be sure.

SOLVED! Well, look at that! Quite out of the blue, this blind has been solved on November 6th, 2013:

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I have no idea why this blind was solved at such a random time. Perhaps Ace was running dry on One Direction news and wanted some hits. Who knows? Anyway, this blind didn’t necessarily need “proof” to be solved, but it does demonstrate that we were right in our assumptions that it was about Harry. Porny case closed.

13. “Publicity Proposal Pending” - February 14th, 2013 (SOLVED May 7th, 2013)image

This one got an interesting reaction. It was posted just in time for Valentine’s Day, which is pretty funny when you consider the very first Haylor blind. No one missed Ace’s clue of “moving in that direction,” soa lot of Elounor guesses were thrown around, as well as Zerrie, and a select few for Payzer. The alliteration in the title was a more subtle clue (Payne/Peazer/Payzer), but it did indeed end up being about Liam:image

Once again, Ace emphasizes the management’s wish for the boys to push a straight image with his description of “Desirable, heterosexual young men.” We can observe that Ace’s comments in the solved sections are establishing a steady pattern of hinting (or blatantly stating) that one or more of the members may not be straight.

Now, do you remember the “Tease and Announcement” blind? It ended with the phrase "More later.“ Look how Ace ends this one:

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"You’ll see soon enough…" Hm. That’s a nice throwback to “More later,” eh? Since “Tease and Announcement” wasn’t solved along with the Payzer blind, and Ace informed us that it was not about Jelena, Elounor is still an incredibly strong contender. With comments like “More later” and “You’ll see soon enough,” it certainly seems like Ace is warning us to prepare for another engagement setup.

14. “Popstar Is Just Pretending” - February 22nd, 2013

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Not much to this one. The timing is hilarious, because Louis and Eleanor had just gone to the Topshop fashion show earlier in the week, on the 17th. If we want to get tinhatty, the girl in the photo is sporting a pretty Eleanor-esque bun. Also, the fact that the listed source is the Mirror is interesting, because we all know the Mirror loves printing any scandalous One Direction story, whether it’s true or not. This one is obviously meant to be pretty obscure, so I’ll leave it be for now.

15. “Boy Banders Are Hiding A Secret Trailer“ - April 24th, 2013

So after more than a year, let’s talk about how BG posted this fan-made trailer, which presents One Direction as the subject of their infamous blind:

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Tell me, why exactly would Ace post this if it was the wrong answer?

Like I said, this blind is certainly one I’d place a bet on. Convinced yet?

16. “They Were Involved Before the Show” - May 22nd, 2013

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I really don’t think this blind is related to One Direction. At all. I’m only including it because it was the subject of some speculation, mostly from people thinking that it may be suggesting that Harry and Louis had dated before the X Factor days. They were at the same Script concert, yes, but according to them, they didn’t know each other at that time. And if they had met and dated two years before the show, Harry would have been 14 and Louis would have been 17. I’m just not buying it.

The only clue I see is the ”one really cute couple.” That’s pretty much it. I really don’t think that One Direction is necessarily defined by their X Factor days (I know that’s how they began, but they didn’t actually win), and the blind is tagged as “television.” It’s true that the “Two Hotties Interested in One" blind was tagged as “television” as well, but that was long after it was posted, and may have been an attempt to throw us off. If anything, the rainbow of colors featured in the picture is making me think it’s Glee-related.

I’m not feeling this one, so let’s move on.

17. “Traveling In Different Directions“ - July 24th, 2013

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I am however, feeling this one. Ah, Ace. Could we get any more obvious? Some clues:

"Traveling In Different Directions,” “same direction”» One Direction

Two very prominent "1"s on road sign » One Direction

Salt Lake City on road sign » The following day, One Direction played at the Maverik Center, which is located in a suburb of none other than Salt Lake City

"boy banders" »Lest we forget “Boy Banders AreHiding A Secret!” (Also, none of the boy bands currently on tour have girlfriends who are publicized even nearly as much as Eleanor.)

“They won’t make it to the end of the year” » Reminiscent of "They Won’t Make It To Valentine’s Day" blind

There is no doubt in my mind that this is about One Direction. And since Zayn/Perrie were not traveling together (she left the USA just as 1D arrived) and Liam/Danielle were already broken up, Elounor is the last option left. This blind may as well already be solved.

18. “Winter Break” - July 29th, 2013

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This one is hilariously obvious as well. Ace is throwing us a lot of bones. The blind mentions “boy banders” right off the bat, and then goes on to pile on the hints:

“one of the boys,” “one of them,” “one prefers Speedos” » surprise, One Direction

“a bit more modest” “Forget modest!” » Modest! Management, anyone? With the exclamation point and everything!

It literally could not be more obvious, especially with Modest! thrown into the mix. There are also some speculations the fandom has made about which boy is which:

"one of them wants to hit the slopes” » Harry/Louis took a skiing holiday together back in 2011… Harry tweeted that Louis taught him to ski in Courchevel, so obviously Lou is pretty practiced at it

"the other wants to go to a beach” » Harry literally just said in a q&a on twitter on August 19th that he loves the ocean

“one prefers Speedos" » Let’s be honest, Harry’s never really been shy when it comes to showing off his undies (or what is under them) Here is a pic of Harry on the “pot yacht” for your viewing pleasure:image

"one prefers to be a bit more modest" » We have very few shirtless Louis pictures to speak of, at least in comparison to Harry. Here is a pic of him on the pot yacht as well. Spot the difference: image

If this blind is indeed legit, there is no doubt in my mind that it is about our dear Harry and Louis. The pieces fit perfectly, and the hints about an Elounor break-up are slowly but surely building up. Stay tuned!

19. “Ring Shopping” - August 16th, 2013

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So as it happens, Louis and Eleanor were spotted shopping together in Beverly Hills on August 13th, three days before this blind was posted. And it just so happens that they were photographed in what appears to be a jewelry store on Rodeo Drive.

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I heard many rumors about this picture: that it may have been photoshopped, that they were actually checking into a hotel, or that it was a Rolex store. I’m not sure how any of these theories check out, but either way, people were still freaking out like they always do. So yes, Ace. Of course it got our attention.

There are no wordplay clues in this blind to speak of. The only reason it immediately brings Elounor to mind is because it came three days after the picture was taken.

This blind just reinforces the fact that Ace is watching… Always watching.

20. “Third Time’s A Charm“ - August 21st, 2013

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I have to say that after making this masterpost, I saw this coming.

Ace has stopped using wordplay clues, and started giving it to us straight.

Forced Guy/Girlfriend » Liam/Danielle, as reported and solved in “Publicity Proposal Pending” blind

Ring Shopping Guy/Girlfriend » Louis/Eleanor, as hinted at in “Ring Shopping” blind

Now, the engaged couple is quite obviously Zayn and Perrie. Perrie was spotted with a diamond ring on her finger on August 20th at the This Is Us movie premiere. Sources report that Zayn had asked her the weekend before.

What this blind fails to do, however, is take us farther than that. We know that management was pushing for one of the boys to get engaged. What we don’t know is whether or not this one is a fake engagement.

Ace blatantly states that the Payzer engagement was for publicity, and that Louis/Eleanor are “definitely” not getting married. What Ace says about the newest engagement, however, is only that one of the boys "pulled off the engagement bit" and then goes on to say "Congratulations to the happy couple!”

To be honest, I am not sure where this leaves Zayn and Perrie. To me, it seems that Ace could be saying the two are genuinely and maybe even happily engaged, but that the union was sped up by managerial pressure. However, Ace could also be saying it’s all just another publicity stunt. (But if Ace wanted us to believe it was a publicity engagement, it begs the question: Why was neither Little Mix nor Perrie’s own celebrity image hinted at in the blind? A publicity engagement, after all, would benefit her as well.) We only got two sentences about the newest engagement that really only told us what we already knew. There is no mention of publicity, or the couple not being genuine, or the couple having problems. So what is Ace even trying to say here?

I think this blind was left open-ended for a reason. So let’s keep our eyes peeled for more info.

21. “Double Date Sleepover“ - September 3rd, 2013

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Okay, I literally don’t know why this was posted because there is nothing to figure out here. It’s common knowledge that Harry and Liam were offering an evening out in London to raise money for Trekstock for one fan and a friend. But Ace did throw in "best double date ever" as a hint just in case you didn’t get it. Sooo… blind solved! But will this lead to more? We’ll have to wait and see!

22. “Behind This Gorgeous Young Couple” - September 13th, 2013

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Never fear, Ace is here!! Here we have yet another BG clarification on the difference between real life and publicity.

On August 31, Harry and Cara Delevingne were spotted on a ”romantic theater date,” and reports are now circulating that they are dating and considering “getting serious.”

The photo is a nice starting point for a guess, because the girl is blonde, the guy is dark-haired, and let’s not forget how many pictures there are of Harry in that exact pose, giving a little side smooch to fans, bandmates, etc.!

There aren’t any wordplays in this blind that I can detect, but "hearts breaking all over the world,“ "cute young male performer" and "he has a lot more fans than she does" at least points toward Harry, before driving it home with the mention of "his famous relationship last year with that very pretty singer" and Ace wondering if he’s become a "better actor." This is, of course, a reference to the Haylor nightmare that began last December, and casts Taylor Swift as the "very pretty singer.”

A lot of gems can be found in the fourth paragraph. It makes sense that the two “don’t mind hanging out together,” because Cara and Harry have always got on pretty well. However, the jackpot is found in the mention of their respective reputations being boosted as “a desirable heterosexual celebrity.” Remember this?

If you’re unfamiliar with the above blind, last year there was heavy speculation that something saucy was going on behind the scenes with Cara (model) and Rita Ora (singer, UK).

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To sum things up, the answer Ace is looking for is clearly Harry, Cara, and Taylor Swift. I’m sure there will be more where this came from, so stay tuned.

23. “Faux Couple Photo“ - September 30th, 2013

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Ah, Ace. You never let me down.

So, as we all know, yesterday this photo was posted on Instagram by one waltermartinez3:

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This picture is of Paige Reifler, an aspiring “model” who’s been linked with Harry numerous times, and Harry, in a seemingly comprising position. I’m going to begin with my analysis of the blind. If you are unfamiliar with the background to this picture, please see the corresponding section below.

Beginning with wordplay clues:

"one thing that publicists never tire of” » Up All Night track, One Thing

"private moments” » What could be more private than closet canoodling? Also, could be a stretch, but let’s not forget that Moments is also a 1D song.

"the best staged photos,” “the best ones” » Best Song Ever

“one thing,” “best ones,” “the ones,” “one where” » One Direction (The overuse of “one” seems to be a favorite of Ace’s)

Now, for contextual clues:

The first hint we have is ”young male star on the floor, entangled with his girlfriend in a loving and 'spontaneous' embrace.” Harry matches this description, and he has certainly been linked to Paige enough in the past for her to qualify as his "girlfriend" to the ill-informed. And the embrace definitely does seem spontaneous… For poor Harry, at least, considering his defensive stance. Other (obvious) clues:

"faces cleverly obscured" » by the hanging shirts

his tattoo » Harry’s "Things I Can’t" tattoo is clearly visible on his left arm

Ace ends the blind in classic Ace-style, with yet another insinuation that Harry Styles’ straight, womanizing image isn’t who he really is:

"Are you buying the hetero image they are trying to give him? Well, you shouldn’t. Because the girl in the photo isn’t the true love of his life.”

This blind is tantalizingly specific in its clues, and it was posted within a mere 24 hours of the photo’s posting. Very few media sources picked up on it right away, but we were all anticipating something from BG. This tells us two things: 1) BG knows when to deliver and 2) Ace is always watching.

That’s all for now, but keep a wary eye on BG’s “Solved” section. You never know what might turn up.

BACKGROUND: Now, if you are unfamiliar with this series of unfortunate events, buckle in, because there is a lot to it. The guy that posted this picture, Walter Martinez, is one of Stephen Orso’s crew. If you’ll recall, back in late June/early July, Stephen Orso, Paige, and some friends met up with Harry in NJ. He gave them free tickets to his show and they proceeded to completely shit all over his generosity, taking a video of them in the audience pretending to sleep, filing their nails, and leaving early. Other things were revealed after the fact, such as the awful content of Stephen’s twitter. Harry then tweeted his infamous “You my friend, are not my kind of Pal” tweet. Basically, it was a huge mess for Harry. (You can read in detail about Harry’s first interaction with Stephen and his crew here.)

Now, as for the photo, this picture of Paige and Harry was posted to Stephen’s Instagram on June 30th. As you can see, their outfits are the same as the photo above. It’s definitely Paige, and it’s definitely Harry.

How do we know Stephen was involved in this Instagram pic? The asshole was tweeting the pic to TMZ down in the comments.

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Paige wasn’t having it, and commented the following:

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She later tweeted (her Twitter is private, or I would link it) “Revenge is childish. Hope you’re happy.“ So on Paige’s side, it was made out to be a big revenge plot.

As of now, the photo has been deleted from Instagram.

What I have presented above are just the basic facts of the situation. For more resources, check out gossipcandy.com.

You can also read a bit more about Paige here. In summary, she’s always looking for attention, and worst of all, she got what she wanted. Now that she’s been exposed, hopefully we’ll be seeing much less of her.

And that, my friends, concludes the background section. If you have any questions or need a clarification, feel free to message me.

—

ACE’S ‘DARK’ PERIOD

These blinds get their own section because they demonstrate a complete turnaround in Ace, in both writing style and intention, that I am choosing to call Ace’s “dark” period. As of late, Ace has begun solving blinds dealing with very serious/sensitive content with no proof to back up his claims, and has targeted and attacked certain celebrities with absolutely no holds barred.

Brace yourselves, and let’s begin.

1. “Winter Break Is Going Downhill Fast” - October 15th, 2013

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Well, it had to happen eventually… Bad news blind. Let’s get to it. First, the wordplay clues:

“who don’t know what it is going on behind the scenes” » At first I thought this was a typo, but now I’m thinking it could very well be a hint at Louis’ “It is what it is” tattoo.

winter vacation » throwback to “Winter Break“ blind

"the first one,” “one of our boys” » One Direction, as per usual

Now, onto the context. First of all, Ace tells us that the couple’s relationship “has become increasingly difficult to manage.” Having followed their movements, there has been no visible change in behavior between Harry and Louis during these past few months that the fandom has observed. This is not to say there may not be trouble brewing behind the scenes, but I would think that if someone in the relationship truly did cheat, that kind of tension would certainly translate to the stage, subtly or not.

So, who is this other guy? Ace provides us with very few clues, besides the fact that he’s "not a member of the band" and "had a relationship with one of our boys." We also know that the lover scorned is not a big fan of this person, with Ace’s addition of ”Of all the people in the world, why did it have to be him?” at the end of the blind. The most popular guess so far among fans has been Nick Grimshaw. He does fit what Ace seems to be getting at, to a point; Nick and Harry did hang out a lot in the past/still do occasionally, and the media loves to label Nick "Harry’s bff" and speculate whether or not they’re in a some sort of secret relationship. However, Nick immediately coming to mind as the “other guy” in this blind is also due to timing. Earlier this month, Nick and Louis engaged in a bit of a Twitter war.

It began when Louis tweeted this:

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Nick then not-so-subtly commented the following on The Breakfast Show (credit to grincham-n-larry for the dialogue):

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Louis, seemingly having gotten wind of the comment, fired back with this equally not-so-subtle tweet:

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And Nick got sassy:

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It’s clear that Louis isn’t a big fan of Nick’s, which makes the Grims a likely contender for this blind. However, I’m not buying any of it. Why? This blind absolutely reeks of promotion. Not only does One Direction have a new album being released in November, the second season of “Sweat the Small Stuff,” a television program Nick is hosting, premiered on October 15th - the exact day of this blind.

Here are a few things we need to consider before we lend this blind any credibility whatsoever:

Assuming Nick is the “other guy” and even that Harry is the one that cheated is pure speculation. Ace did not give us any specific clues (which he certainly has in other blinds) to point to one or the other; this blind is open-ended. This probably means that we were meant to guess and make a fuss.

The lack of specifics in this blind could mean that the source was lacking in knowledge. The whole thing could easily be bullshit.

Promotion, promotion, promotion! As they say in showbiz, any promotion is good promotion. Ace is not immune to being fed false info, for promotional reasons or otherwise. True or false, BG’s blinds will still get hits.

Ace had implied that Eleanor will be gone soon, but now she is coming to Australia. This blind could be Ace’s way of covering up the fact that his prediction has yet to happen. (Credit to Lisa)

Also, keep in mind that One Direction just signed a new music contract and will most likely be dropping Modest! management when the (suspected) 3-year contract is up at the end of this year. With Harry’s “We don’t need no piece of paper from the city hall” tweet that spurred marriage rumors and the recent tension in the Twittersphere involving Louis’ family, Eleanor, etc., sending false info about cheating to Ace could be one last attempt by Modest! to push the heterosexual images they have worked so tirelessly over the years to perpetuate.

Just like any other blind, this one must be taken with a grain of salt. It is very generalized, and very open to interpretation. It was meant to get attention and it did.

As Ace has promised to “fill us in later,” keep an eye out for an update.

2. “Band Hotel Drama Part 1, 2, and 3" - October 16th, 2013

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After these blinds popped up, it certainly seemed like the “Winter Break Is Going Downhill Fast” blind had ushered in a new era of Blind Gossip that demonstrated a complete change in Ace. As I began to explain in the intro to this section, blinds began to be solved with absolutely no real proof (such as the Monchele scandal or the Jo Bros “Fake Bump” blind) and Ace’s writing style seemed to have changed. The writing even started getting a little sloppy - For example, Part 1 of this series originally had the “Two Guys who shared a room” bit attached to the bottom, when that blind hadn’t even begun to approach that particular topic. It was shortly removed.

But what is even stranger is that these blinds seem to have gotten their info from a rumor post on Tumblr… that went around in March. A Tumblr user (who has requested to remain anonymous) apparently had some personal connections that caused her to be privy to certain information about the boy’s stay in a hotel room in Cardiff, and she made a post about this information back in early March. (The boys were in Cardiff from March 1st-3rd, performing in four matinee performances - beginning with an opening show on Friday, two on Saturday, and ending with one final show on Sunday. {source} )

The original post (now deleted - if you have it on your blog, feel free to send it to me) about the Cardiff hotel incident contained the following info {credit to bromanceshmomance}:

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However, when all 3 of the blinds were released, it seems not everything matched up with what she had been told:

imageimageSo the coke clean-up was incredibly exaggerated (if it even happened in the first place), there were no fans outside, and no rooms were empty, contrary to what Ace claimed.

Now that we’ve covered the content, what about the writing style? There are very few wordplay clues - “one" is used a mere three times in total (one more story, one of the rooms, one bed) but it is not in the usual clever way; in fact, there’s really no other way to word these phrases, so they don’t even actually seem like clues. And that’s it. No other wordplay to speak of. Where is the clever wordsmith Ace, who planted hints in the text left and right, that we knew so well? This writing style just doesn’t match up with the other blinds - Even the “Winter Break Is Going Downhill Fast” blind had a few witty wordplays tossed in. Not to mention the complete lack of mentions of “boy band" that we’ve learned to expect. Hell, at this rate, looks like Ace might have picked up a coke habit too!

We don’t know if Ace found this post on Tumblr (which would be strange as the blogger informed me that it was untagged and hidden under a read more) or was sent some sort of tip about it (either from someone who read the post on Tumblr, or possibly someone who had firsthand knowledge of the incident, which honestly is pretty unlikely as it happened MONTHS ago). I honestly don’t know what to make of these blinds. It’s clear Ace wanted hits, and it’s clear he got them, but as to their credibility, I just really can’t say for sure. The timing is incredibly strange, the content even stranger, and there is absolutely zero concrete evidence. I’m just going to leave it at that.

2. “Backstage with Sniffy“ - November 4th, 2013

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*heavy sigh* Again, with the coke rumors.

Not much to this one, either. There are two references of “one” (one young singer and one of those fans), the reference of “in a private hotel room with friends” (probable throwback to the “Band Hotel Drama" series), and the picture of the very green, very Harry Styles-esque eyeball.

Upon first reading the blind, I immediately thought it was about Justin Bieber. But Ace clearly couldn’t have that, so he threw in the hint at the bottom that it was not the Biebs. The few clues we do have are at the very least pointing in Harry Styles’ general direction - Especially with the huge green eye staring you down.

However, I don’t give any of these blinds credence until I am presented with actual proof. (And I’m no drug expert, but I imagine a serious cocaine addiction would begin to show in Harry’s features/behavior on stage.) When Ace gets some actual evidence to support all these coke rumors, then we’ll talk. But for now, like any unsolved blind, it’s all up in the air.

NEW: Here’s an interesting theory by smokesandyou about Ace’s sudden personality shift, beginning with the “Winter Break Is Going Downhill Fast” blind all the way through “Backstage with Sniffy.”

—

OTHER/MISCELLANEOUS

Blinds where Harry is mentioned:

The Seven Celebrity Dwarfs [Part 3] - August 23rd, 2013

Moody at the VMAs - August 26th, 2013

—

Other past speculated blinds I did not analyze:

“Boy Bander Is Undecided“ - April 12th, 2012

This blind came shortly after “Boy Banders Are Hiding A Secret.”

“Beware of the Grouper” - April 23rd, 2012

Ish. My bets are on this being about someone from The Wanted. They’ve actually admitted to shit like this.

“Fake Relationship Starts Next Month“ - July 9th, 2012

This was speculated to be about Niall/Demi Lovato, but that ship never sailed!

“Pop Star Should Watch the Waistline” - October 2nd, 2012

Lol. Oh, Niall.

“Boy Bander Has A Secret Lover“ - December 3rd, 2012

I guess since the guy in the picture resembles Niall slightly, everyone thought this blind was about him? Who knows. If Niall was bedding a porn star back then, I’d give him props.

“Pop Star Can’t Decide” - April 8th, 2013

This one is much too general to properly analyze, but I’m including it because the source is listed as the Daily Mirror (of UK origin), which led to many people guessing the 1D boys.

—

So there you have it, folks! Keep an eye out for future updates. And if you have questions, comments, or want to submit a blind for analysis, feel free to message me!

xoxo, sweetenoughandfaraway

[that-curly-haired-lesbian]

Analyze love story from a queer view?

Hianon!

Surething, one analysis of Love Story comingright up!

Before we startlooking at the lyrics though,we need to talk about Shakespeare real quick, everyone knows who that is,right? Writer dude that was kind of a big deal in the 1500’s (and interestinglyhad quite a few gay rumors surrounding him.) Anyway old Billy wrote this famousplay called Romeo & Juliet and it’salmost impossible to talk about Taylor Swift’s Love Story without constantly referring to this play so lemme breakdown the plot.

These two kids (she’s14 he’s 17, creepy right?) meet at a ball that Juliet’s family is throwing.

Juliet doesn’t knowwho Romeo is when she first meets him at the ball, but later (when he comes toher bedroom window and gets her attention by throwing pebbles at said window) shefinds out that he’s a Montague. A member of the family that’s having agenerations-long feud with Juliet’s family thus making it difficult for them tobe together even though they’re very in love.

Oh and also, whilethe goal of these analyses isn’t to tell you who a certain song of Taylor’s is orisn’t about I cannot quite help but attribute Love Story to Emily Poe. You know, Taylor’s first semi-publicgirlfriend? The girl who played the violin for Taylor in her early career onlyto then be fired on vague grounds somehow connected to the “negative influence”she was supposedly having on Taylor’s image.

This song is on thesame album as Breathe a song withmore than a few queer elements that Taylor has all but publicly stated waswritten for Emily. (Here’s a Taymily master post by @karlieskupkake for anyonewho’s interested)

Anyway, I just wantedto point that out since I may mention Taymily in the analysis. As always though,any interpretation of the song I offer below is nothing but my own speculationand I’m obviously not claiming it to be fact.

Okay now let’s lookat Taylor’s song, one of her most popular ones in fact. On the surface we havea song that’s using references to one of the world’s most famous hetero lovestories to tell its own hetero love story, fairly unoriginal really. But if wedig a little deeper we have a queer retelling of Romeo & Juliet with SPOILER ALERT: a happy ending! Pretty cool,right?

Lyrics cred onceagain goes to AZLyrics, this time with no edits from me.

–

We were both young when I first saw you.

I close my eyes and the flashback starts:

I’m standing there on a balcony in summer air.

–

These opening lines almost immediately lay out the Romeo & Juliet narrative by invokingimages of a girl on a balcony which is a clear reference to the source materialas her balcony is the first place Juliet has a proper conversation with herlove interest Romeo in Shakespeare’s play. Romeo and Juliet are also bothindeed very young when the events of the play unfolds, but the fact that Taylorthinks back on the events in her own life (the “flashback” part) that she’schosen to explore with the help of Romeo& Juliet suggests one key difference between Shakespeare’s story andthe story Taylor is telling. Unlike Romeo (the character I’d argue she plays inthis narrative, despite what she tries to tell us) she’s alive to think back onher time spent with “Juliet.”  

–

See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns.

See you make your way through the crowd

And say, “Hello.”

Little did I know…

That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles

–

So, like I said, Tay- I mean Romeo is thinking back onher time spent with Emi- I mean Juliet. Just like the characters in the play it’splainly stated that the lovers from the song met at a ball and had a briefinteraction there, not knowing what they’d later come to mean to each other.

I think the party part (no pun intended) is mostlythere to keep the references to the play going, it’s probably not suggestingthat Taylor and her girlfriend met at an actual ball, but perhaps they also metfor the first time briefly and in a formal setting and a room full of people,not knowing they’d come to be important to each other in a personal way?

–

And my daddy said, “Stay away from Juliet.”

And I was crying on the staircase

Begging you, “Please don’t go.”

–

If we’re to believe the hetero narrative the song istrying to put forth Taylor is playing the role of Juliet and her MALE loveinterest is Romeo, right? Well, in these lines she tries to point this out tous as to #NoHomo-proof the song. She’s now explicitly stating thather lover is Romeo and then she implies that her father tells Romeo to leaveand stay the hell away from his daughter.

However these lines always struck me as a little weird…It’salmost as if Taylor’s dad is telling HER to stay away from Juliet, don’t youthink?

It’s unspecified who the dad is talking to when hesays to stay away from Juliet and then Taylor is immediately telling us what she’s doing, not what the male love isdoing. As if those words are directed at her,not him. She’s only saying she was upset by them, but not specifying how theyimpacted the male who they were supposedly spoken to.

Additionally, when she begs the love interest not togo Taylor’s doing what she usually does, despite having just told us that thelove interest is Romeo she’s now having them be gender neutral, not calling him“him” she’s done #NoHomo-proofing for now.

So to summarize,with our queer googles on the scene Taylor is painting looks something likethis: Taylor is told by her “father,” or perhaps more likely, label or managementthat she can no longer see her girlfriend. This upsets Taylor and reduces herto tears as she begs “Juliet” not to leave her.

–

And I said…Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.

I’ll be waiting; all that’s left to do is run.

You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess,

It’s a love story, baby, just say “Yes”.

–

After that daring little “you” in place of “him”Taylor takes us to the chorus by once again reminding us that the other person inthis story is a BOY named ROMEO. Just in case we got confused by all thatgender-neutrality and started wondering which lover is playing which part.

Anyway, after once again shouting “NO, HOMO, GUYS!!”At us Taylor is saying she’d very much like to be alone with her love so thatthey can have a private and perfect love story. She’s suggesting they run awaytogether and begging for her girl to say yes to the idea (Call It What You Want, anyone?)

She also throws in some more#NoHomo for good measure, this time by referring to herself as a princess andto her BOYFRIEND as a prince.

Remember in my analysisof Angelina when I said Taylor was using “princess” as a metaphor fora heterosexual girl? Yeah, she’s doing that again, but this time she’s describingherself as the “typical princess” that in Angelinashe said she’d never be. 🤔

–

So I sneak out to the garden to see you.

We keep quiet ‘cause we’re dead if they knew

So close your eyes,

Escape this town for a little while.

–

Here Taylor’s talking about a secret relationship andhaving to hide the love, wishing they could just be far away from where theyare so that they could love openly, pretty queer, right? Interestingly a famousquote from Taylor about Love Story statesthat while she choose to tell the story by relating it to Romeo & Juliet she relates more to the song as being about “alove that you cannot really elaborate on — a love that maybe society wouldn’taccept or maybe your friends wouldn’t accept.“ (x) Once again, pretty damnqueer!

–

‘Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter,

And my daddy said, “Stay away from Juliet.”

But you were everything to me,

I was begging you, “Please don’t go.”

–

Something interesting happens here, Taylor refers toherself (or perhaps her girlfriend, if we’re sticking with the idea that Taylorherself is Romeo) as a “scarlet letter” this is another literary reference asit alludes to Nathaniel Hawthorne’s novel TheScarlet Letter from 1850. In the novel this girl Hester falls in love withthis dude named Dimmesdale and they have a kid together out of wedlock which wasa big no-no in those days. To make everyone aware of Hester’s “crime” she hasto wear the letter A in bold scarlet on her chest at all times. Many litprofessors and such agree that the letter in the context of the novel symbolizessin. (Ha, I KNEW that lit degree I’m in the process of getting would be goodfor something!)

Many homophobes consider homosexuality a sin and so I thinkthat line is simply Taylor warning everyone involved that if she and hergirlfriend were to publicly date it’d be societal suicide. In the sense that alot of society would look at them as “sinners” or mark them as odd or out ofthe norm, just as if they were wearing a giant red A on them at all times, they’llalways stand out and society would always be aware of it.  

She may also be talking about how being in a publicrelationship with another girl would “mark” her a “gay artist” and limit hercareer, as if she was wearing a giant L for lesbian everywhere she went. To stop this from happening “daddy” (or Taylor’s management/label) isstepping in to stop the girls from going down the path of being publiclytogether. 

With the you were everything tome, I was begging you please don’t go-line though Taylor is, at least for amoment suggesting she doesn’t care about the consequences of being with hergirlfriend, professional OR personal ones, the girl is worth it all.

–

(Chorus)

–

Romeo, save me. They’re trying to tell me how to feel.

This love is difficult but it’s real.

Don’t be afraid, we’ll make it out of this mess.

It’s a love story, baby, just say “Yes”.

–

Interesting fact: the original lyrics here was allegedly“This love is DIFFERENT, but it’s real” 🌈🌈🌈  

Anyway, with these lines Ibelieve that Taylor is trying to reassure her love that while management orother various outside forces are trying to tell them how to feel (aka “don’t begay, it’s bad” again, teaching children internalized homophobia is fun, right? 🤢) or advising them to break up for the benefit of Taylor’scareer etc. that’s not what she wants and she wants them to fight for theirlove and she’s encouraging “Juliet” to agree that they’ll try to stick togetherthroughout all of this, closeted if they have to.

–

I got tired of waiting

Wondering if you were ever coming around.

My faith in you was fading

–

This is the part of Romeo & Juliet where Juliet is waiting for Romeo to sneak backto see her so that they can work out an escape plan and be together far awayfrom their feuding families, but she’s starting to fear he won’t actually showup. If we assume this song is about Taymily this is where their story would’ve ended,right? Emily is fired and they give in to the pressure from management and breakthe relationship off never to associate with each other ever again…Meanwhile inthe play Romeo and Juliet both die, everything is super upsetting, but THEN…

–

When I met you on the outskirts of town.

And I said…Romeo, save me. I’ve been feeling so alone.

I keep waiting for you, but you never come.

Is this in my head? I don’t know what to think.

He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring andsaid…

–

Taylor decides to go against both the canon of theplay and her own reality by giving the star-crossed lovers a happy ending. It’seven implied that perhaps this last part is imagined (is this in my head? I don’t know what to think) but regardless,just when she’s given up hope Taylor is reunited with her lover and proceeds to tell “Juliet” all about how lonely her “Romeo” has been without her, Then suddenlyshe decides to use a pronoun for her love interest for the first time in thesong and of course it’s a “him” and now “he’s” proposing. This is (almost) Taylor’slast desperate attempt to #NoHomo-proof this queer af song.

–

Marry me, Juliet, you’ll never have to be alone.

I love you, and that’s all I really know.

I talked to your dad – go pick out a white dress

It’s a love story, baby, just say “Yes”.

–

Hi, thanks for sticking with me so far and um, welcometo the best part of the song! You see, it turns out Taylor was #NoHomo:ing like crazy in this song for a REASON. In what is perhaps her gayest lyrics ever to date Taylor finally fully steps into her rightfulrole as Romeo and proposes to her Juliet. This isn’t the first time Taylor hasstepped into the shoes of “the guy” in her songs in order to sing about a girlin a #NoHomo way. (She does this in Mine andOur Song among others) Taylor istelling Juliet that she loves her and that none of them should have to bealone, that they’ll figure out the rest as they go along. She then continuesthe proposal by stating she’s talked to Juliet’s dad (#NoHomo) or as we’vechosen to look at it management/the label and managed to convince theseopposing forces that the lovers should indeed be allowed to be together. With the white dress line Taylor is begging “Juliet”to take her back and say yes to being together once more so that their lovestory can get the ending it deserves.

–

Thanks for gettingall the way to the end! This song was considerably longer and more complex thanAngelina, but I hope you all enjoyedthe read and if you want me to look at another one of Taylor’s songs from aqueer perspective, don’t hesitate to send me an ask! 😊

[rei382]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Major Character Death (not Ed or Roy) Relationships: Edward Elric/Roy Mustang Characters: Edward Elric, Roy Mustang Additional Tags: Suicide Attempt, Angst Summary:

Ed was just a little too late in figuring out a way to get Alphonse back to his human body.

To my RoyEd gift exchange receiver, @sweetnessnarose !

I recalled you mainly said you loved angst, so... angst it is! I hope I didn’t go a little overboard with this (I was going for something a little less angsty but then Jonghyun died so I mean....) , and hope you will enjoy your gift regardless.

Either way, I hope you had a beautiful, super happy and full of love and gifts Christmas, and wish you a super happy new year!

A year has passes. A whole year since that happened. A year since Ed disappointed himself, and not just himself, and not only himself, in the worst way possible. A year since Ed no longer felt like a human being. A year since he lost the person who mattered to him the most.

An entire year, during which he was the only Elric left walking in the world.

People tried to cheer him up. To tell him that this wasn’t his fault, that he did everything he could, that there was simply not enough information, not enough time. But it was all lies.

He couldn’t bear this bullshit. It was entirely his fault. It was his idea, therefore he was responsible for the fact that his brother was in this situation. It was his fault for not noticing what was happening, when the armor started rejecting his brother’s soul. It was his fault for not taking seriously enough during the last few months, for not focusing enough on solving it and letting other things, much less important, occupy his mind.

And he could never forgive himself for that.

He stared down at the grave, the light gray stone stained dark by his tears, but the engraving on the hard surface was still painfully visible. Ed could barely see what was written there through the blurry veil on his eyes, but he didn’t have to, knowing all too well what it said.

Alphonse Elric

April 1900- January 1916

A brother

And a friend

It stung, but Ed was already used to pain. This would be the last time, anyway.

It wasn’t like he had any reason to stay.

*

Roy moved uncomfortably in his chair. Usually, Roy wouldn’t be so worried. Ed always had his temper - ever since he showed up in the Headquarters for the very first time - and he got even more familiar with it when they started dating. It wasn't unusual for him to storm out for the tiniest things, and it even worsened during the last year, ever since that happened.

He let out a sigh, bringing his eyebrows together in a frown. His hold on his cup of coffee tightened, so hard now that it could get broken but he didn't care. A year ago Alphonse's armor went through the last stage of rejecting his soul, and he perished. It was a harsh blow to everyone. He could probably speak for the entire office, and anyone who ever worked with the Elric Brothers - they both had a special place in everyone's heart. Losing Alphonse left a hollow space, and naturally Ed took it the hardest.

It didn't matter how many times Roy tried telling him that it wasn't his fault – his words fell on deaf ears. He would listen to none of it, and it always ended with a fight. Almost anything ended with a fight. There were times that he wanted to ends this, they even talked about it. But Roy knew this was only a phase. He knew that this was the time Ed needed him the most, and even though he was constantly hurting him, Roy still loved him. He wouldn't leave him, especially not at a time like this, for nothing in the world.

He glanced around, feeling the emptiness of the house, and found that despite his worry and the constant heaviness in his chest he was somewhat relived, in a very wrong way, that it was so quiet. After a whole year, it was getting harder and harder to tell that to himself. It was starting to bring him down too: living with constant lack of sleep, being mostly yelled at, dealing with Edward's moods and his refusal to accept the situation, his refusal to at least try to move on. He never considered himself an insecure man, but it was hard to only hear his lover call him stupid, a bastard, an asshole, an inconsiderate dick without the mischief spark that always shone in Ed's eyes before.

He took him into his house after Alphonse's burial, knowing that letting Ed live alone in the apartment he used to share with Alphonse would be a bad idea. But living with someone who was either violent or completely cold and indifferent for almost a year was giving its signs. Even though he didn't expect Ed to go back to the bold young man he was, he did expect him to slowly start moving on; but instead it seemed that he was only losing him further and further into depression.

He tried getting him to go to a therapist, but it was completely futile. He gave up on that after a few months, deciding that since this wasn't helping maybe what Ed needed was to be left alone for a little while, and only shower him with love and care, but that wasn't working, either, and Roy was starting to get tired.

Not tired of Ed or of helping him, but really, physically and emotionally tired. He didn't know how much longer he could live like this, and still he was giving it his all… yet, he was feeling that his strength was starting to betray him. There wasn’t much left for him to give.

He tapped on the table with his cup. He was starting to get worried. It had been hours since Ed left the house, and he rarely disappeared for that long. A quick glance at the window told him that it was starting to get dark. The last of the sun rays were coloring the skies in shades of orange and pink, bleeding through the last vestiges of blue. Perhaps he should go look for him? The way he was now, he probably ate nothing since Roy last fed him - which was at breakfast. He had to be starving by now.

Roy let out another sigh and got up from his seat. He was pretty sure he knew where he'd find him. It was always the same. He had nowhere else to go. Grabbing his keys, he left the house and headed for the car. He drove fast, his tension preventing him from letting go of the gas pedal. Ed wasn’t an idiot, even though he sometimes acted like one; and yet, Roy couldn’t let go of the feeling that his lover did something very, very stupid. Otherwise by now he’d be home, and not wandering around somewhere.

He only slowed down when he reached the narrow, earthy path that led to his destination. He was still driving too fast for the terrain; he could feel it in the way the car was shaking under him, almost painfully so, but he really couldn’t care less. His mind was elsewhere, racing, trying to figure out what he’d do if he got it wrong, if Ed wasn’t there. He couldn’t just go back and wait quietly at home, not when he knows at what state he left the house. He’d just have to go look for him, he must be somewhere in Central.

Noticing the metal gate, Roy let go of the gas pedal and hit the brakes. The car stopped, and Roy turned it off, taking the seat belt off and leaving it. He could notice that the gate wasn’t closed, which meant that he was probably right. He was worried for nothing. He closed the door behind him and headed inside.

Cemeteries always made him feel uncomfortable. It was too quiet there, and even though it was an open space it always made him feel choked. But all of that didn’t matter now. He needed to make Ed leave that place. He couldn’t just spend the entire day there, and he wished he could make him understand that. Understand that Alphonse’s death was not his fault, and that even though his brother died, he should live on. That it does good to no one that he refuses to live his life, that it means his brother died for nothing.

He already knew the way to the right place by heart, and he walked over there confidently, already imagining the argument with Edward in his head. He’ll try to convince him to let go, to come back with him and have something to eat, and Ed will say that there was no point; that he couldn’t eat when his brother had lost any hope of ever enjoying the taste of food. He’ll argue about being selfish, about not deserving to live; but Roy will push, and Ed will stop seeing the point in arguing and will just come with him. At home he’ll almost force feed him, shower him, get him to sleep… and maybe tomorrow won’t be as bad as today. Tomorrow he’ll do these things on his own, and maybe he won’t storm out again this week. Four days weren’t that long to ask for, right?

By the time he reached the right section of the graveyard it was nearly dark. The skies were mostly dark blue, but in the west a few small, weak rays of light could still be seen, supplying just enough light for him to see where he was going. Enough to see the rather small figure hanging on the grey tombstone, the blond hair stained by orange lines and covering Ed’s face and shoulders. Roy looked at him for a second, relieved to see that he really was there. Now he’d just have to drag him out.

It was only when he took another step forward, or maybe it was the earth turning a little bit more and changing the angle of the light that he noticed the spark of metal on the ground. He narrowed his eyes for a short second, somewhat surprised. There shouldn’t be any metal there. But now that he was thinking about it, Ed’s pose was somewhat off; it looked more like he fell on the stone rather than leaned on it. As if he couldn’t hold himself up. Another somewhat hesitant step forward, and Roy could notice the little pool that gathered at the grave’s bottom. No one could cry that much, and it didn’t take any other clues for Roy to realize what he was actually seeing.

His heart stopped for a moment, a swear choking at his throat. No. There was no way. Ed was grieving…. But he wasn’t stupid. He wasn’t alone, despite it all. Roy was always there for him… was he? He thought he was but maybe he was doing the wrong things all along and…

It took him only a second to gather himself and do what he had to do. “No…” he muttered, continuously doing so as he sprinted towards him. It took him seconds to close the distance and once he was there he fell on his knees next to Ed’s still body. His eyes stung and his sight was blurry with tears, but he couldn’t care less. He reached with one hand to hold Ed’s body, holding him up and close, and the other to hold his loose hand. It was limp in his hold, like a doll’s arm. He could feel the coarse texture of dried blood, but it was still a little warm and he was pretty sure he still felt some wetness, too. That was a good sign.

“You idiot…” he muttered, letting go of his hand and ignoring the way it just fell back to the ground. He brought his hand to Ed’s neck, his thumb pressing in search for a pulse. For a short moment he was terrified; Ed wasn’t moving, and he couldn’t find the vein that was supposed to beat. He could see nothing by now, his tears blocking his eyesight, but it didn’t matter. If he couldn’t find a pulse then nothing mattered, he was too naïve, he was too late.

Roy almost gave up when suddenly he could feel movement under his thumb. It was weak, but it was a pulse. He still had time; he couldn’t waste it on crying. He picked Ed’s limp body up, and stood up. His clothes will probably get messed with blood, but he wasn’t even thinking about that. Ed was heavy; the weight of his metallic arm and leg has always been a burden, but it seemed that today it didn’t matter. Roy adjusted his hold, looking down at the young man in his arms. His eyes were close, and the dried tears were visible on his face.

“Just hang in there,” Roy found himself saying. It didn’t matter that Ed probably couldn’t hear him; he needed to say that, and he hoped that Ed would listen. He didn’t waste another second and he started advancing back towards the gate, going as fast as he could without risking falling – or worse, dropping Ed. He still could barely see where he was going, and it was getting darker by the second, but by some miracle he didn’t slip on anything and they both made it to the car.

He lowered Ed to the ground, supporting him with one hand as he was searching with the others for the keys and opening the door. Once the door was open he tucked Ed in the seat, putting the seatbelt around his body before closing the door and rushing to the other side of the car.

Once they were both in, Roy started the car and started driving from there. He hit the gas pedal, this time ignoring completely the condition of the road. His car could get ruined for all he cared. He could get a new one. He couldn’t get a new Ed.

He kept glancing at the unconscious man in the seat, pleading him to hang on, to stay there, to not leave him alone. He was holding his hand with his, driving only with one hand. It was risky, but he had to hold on him, to keep feeling his pulse, as weak as it was.

Because one he’d stop feeling it, it would all be lost.

*

Little by little, the heavy veil of darkness was lifted off of him. The world was pulling him back, and along with his consciousness the pain and sorrow were coming back. He didn’t want it. He didn’t want any of it. All he wished was for the numbness to come back, so he could feel nothing; but it seemed that someone had different ideas for him.

He could feel it, the drug that was running through his veins, keeping him from falling back into the blessed sleep. Induced wakeness he wished would go away. Little by little he became aware of where he was. The hard, uncomfortable bed under him that felt oddly familiar, the too bright light that penetrated his closed eyelids, the sickening scent that filled his nostrils. He knew exactly where he was.

A goddamned hospital.

He planned on going back to sleep, or, at least, pretend to do so; anything but being forced to acknowledge the world. But he somehow ended up making a movement, that caused something to hurt, and he couldn’t help a choked groan from escaping his throat.

Immediately he became aware of something more. Someone was holding his hand. When he made that noise, he could feel the twitch of warm fingers against his skin. He had a fairly good idea who it was, and he knew that the same person brought him here, depriving him of his blissful forgetfulness. He knew he probably did it because he cared, but he still held grudge against him for doing that.

“Ed…” he heard the soft, hoarse voice he knew all too well almost whispering his name. It was apparent that Roy had cried. He probably didn’t sleep in God knows how long. Ed had no idea how long he was unconscious. He couldn’t control his features as he felt the older man’s hand tightening a little against his, very present yet gentle, as if he was afraid it would hurt. “Ed… wake up…”

Edward could hear the painful plead in Roy’s voice, and no matter how mad he was at him, how mad he was at himself, he couldn’t bring himself to keep ignoring him. Slowly, he opened his eyes, blinking at the fluorescent light that hit him. “Why?” he asked, not surprised at all that his voice could barely be heard, small and silent and choked.

He felt the hold on his hand tightening a little bit for a short second before loosening again. “Why what?” Roy asked him, his voice a mixture of emotions; Ed could hear utmost relief, but also hurt and confusion. Ed swallowed, closing his eyes again.

“Why did you bring me here?” he asked again. He knew it would hurt Roy, but he was not in a state to care. He’d made his choice, he had his reasons, it was his body, his life, his decision. “You had no right –“

“To save you?” it wasn’t the pain that made that simple question hurt so much, but the anger that hid in the words. Ed couldn’t help but open his eyes again, turning his head to look at his lover. Roy was looking straight at him. His face was pale, and dark circles surrounded his eyes. He really didn’t sleep for days. For the first time since he woke up, Ed felt guilt. Roy didn’t deserve what he was doing to him. “Did you expect me to just leave you there? To let you bleed to death?”

Ed swallowed again, and looked away. “Yes. It’s my life.”

“It is. But I know… I know it’s hard. I know it’s been hard for a year now, but I never knew you as the kind who’d just give up.”

“I’ve always been, I just always had Al –“ he chocked, but he forced himself to keep talking. “-there with me, to force me forward. Now… now he’s gone. Because of me. And nothing can bring him back. So what’s the point in me staying?”

“Because I need you here.”

Ed turned his head again. Roy still didn’t lower his eyes, but he could see the redness around his eyes that signed he’d soon lose the battle against his tears. If he was even bothering to fight it now. It hurt to see Roy like that; hurt to know he was the cause of it. When he went to Al’s grave and knew what he was about to do, he believed that Roy would get over him. It would hurt, he knew that, he wasn’t an idiot – but he was nothing in Roy’s life. Roy could find himself new lovers, new life, and he’d move on and eventually, even if he won’t forget him, he’d forgive him. He’d understand.

But right now, Roy’s face showed none of it.

He felt the hold on his hand tighten again. “I mean it. I need you here with me. And I need you to know that I’m here for everything you need, and if you need to yell so yell at someone, yell at me, and if you need to hit something, then hit me, I don’t care if you throw things at me or threaten at me or beat me… but don’t leave me. Please. Not like that.”

For the first time since he woke up, Ed saw Roy lowering his face. He could see the tear that fell from his eye, even though his dark hair – that was always so perfectly arranged, but now was greasy and messy – covered his face. Ed felt the tears gathering in the corners of his eyes too, and suddenly he realized what a fool he’d been.

He wasn’t doing Roy a favor by leaving him like this. He was doing to him what he’d done to himself, making him go through what he’d gone through when the armor rejected Alphonse’s soul without letting it come back. He was just making it worse.

He moved his hand, lightly closing his fingers on Roy’s hand. It hurt to move his hand, the bandages that covered it too tight to enable him to move his wrist freely, but it didn’t matter.

He was being selfish. Selfish and horrible, and Roy didn’t deserve it.

He still didn’t want to live, but he wasn’t going to make Roy go through what he did. He tightened his hold a little bit more on Roy’s hand, now holding on it. For now, he was going to keep enduring it, no matter how hard it was going to be. For Roy’s sake.

At least until he was sure he could let go.

*

It was a nice, warm autumn afternoon. Cool breeze was blowing through his hair, that even though wasn’t as long as it was when he was a teenager anymore was still rather long for a man. It blew into his eyes, making them go a little bit dry, but he didn’t care. In one hand he was holding a flower bouquet, that when he purchased it made him think about how Alphonse would’ve laughed at him if he saw him now. Ed never bought flowers; not even for Winry’s birthdays, and on the single time that Roy tried to give him flowers he threw a fit at it, blaming him that he was treating him like a girl. Ed remember Alphonse’s laugh that day, and the way he tried to convince him to forgive Roy and just go on a date with him, like he promised, and Ed agreed.

He squeezed the hand he was holding in his other hand as he thought of that. It was thanks to Al that they were together, and it was thanks to Roy that Ed was still there. He made him fight for living when he was ready to give up – no, when he already gave up. It took long time, but he eventually realized that it wasn’t his fault. That it was simply impossible to prevent everything that’d happened from happening. They were young and stupid when they tried to bring their mother back, but no one could blame them. There was no one to truly tell them that it was impossible, to tell them what the consequences were, and they couldn’t know what would happen. And after that, it wasn’t Ed’s fault for not being able to get Alphonse’s body back. It was simply impossible, and he tried so hard even when knowing the odds were against him.

It was Roy who made Ed realize that, and it was Roy who made him understand that Alphonse would’ve never forgiven him had he succeeded that day four years ago. At first he lived for Roy, so he won’t have to suffer, then he learned to live for his brother, so his death wouldn’t be for nothing. It took him long time to start living for himself, but he eventually realized that that was the only right thing to do.

Something pulled on his shirt, tearing Ed from his thoughts. He glanced down, and smiled at the big, golden eyes that looked at him.

“Papa, uncle Al’s waiting, why won’t you give him his flowers?” the two year old child asked, his childish, almost impossible to understand tone somewhat blaming. He was Ed’s child, that Roy convinced him he should have despite being together with him. The Elric family line should continue, he said, even if it meant slight discomfort by being forced to be with other people. Fortunately enough, Winry was there to agree with him, claiming that it really was true and that she didn’t mind at all to be of help. It was very strange, but Ed couldn’t be happier that it happened that way.

He could feel Roy’s hand tightening around his. “You’re completely right, Philip,” he replied. ���Would you like to give him his flowers? I’m sure he’d love it.”

Philip smiled broadly. His blond hair moved as he was fiercely nodding, and he rose on his toes as he was reaching up to Ed’s hand. Ed handed him the bouquet, watching him toddling to the tombstone and placing the flowers there. He was telling Alphonse’s grave that everyone loved him very much, and that even though he’d never met him one day they’ll meet in heaven and he was sure that they’ll have the best time there.

Roy moved his hand, placing it under Ed’s chin to make him look at him. Ed didn’t want so much to tear his gaze from his kid, but followed anyway. “I told you he’d be alright,” he said, smiling softly at him.

“Yeah, I know you did,” Ed replied, and gave another squeeze at Roy’s hand before he looked at Phillip again. Now he was telling Al about his birthday cake that Papa Roy baked for him a month ago, and that he wished he could taste it too because even though he had no idea what kinds of cakes Uncle Al liked, nobody can say no to chocolate cakes. “You were right.” He moved, leaning a little bit on Roy’s body, placing his head on his shoulder. “I love you.”

He could feel Roy moving, and placing a kiss on the top of his head. “I love you too. I’m happy that you’re here, and fine. I’m sure that Alphonse’s happy about it, too.”

“Yeah,” Ed agreed, still smiling as he looked at his child still talking to the tombstone. “Who would’ve thought that I’d be the one getting kids, or standing here with you, out of all people.”

Roy chuckled, the air from his mouth tickling Ed’s forehead. “Yes, who would’ve thought?” he repeated Ed’s question, and put his arm around him, pulling him a little closer.

[poppytheorist]

Sick of the Sun

The Wire, “Lessons”

I

“Sick of the Sun” is one of Poppy’s most personal songs. It’s also one of her prettiest. Like nearly all vocals these days, Poppy’s voice is adjusted in production, and sometimes quite heavily. This means that you’ll never hear a Poppy song with vocal blemishes, but sometimes the heavy adjustments smooth out all the “personality” in her voice. In “Sick of the Sun,” however, Poppy and co. hit a sweet spot; Poppy’s voice comes out sounding quite pleasant, beautiful, even, right up there with the choruses on “Fill the Crown.” It probably makes sense not to over-produce the vocals in SotS. After all, if you are producing a more “personal” song, you would want to preserve the distinct tone of the vocals to maximize its “authentic” sound.

“Sick of the Sun” (SotS) also features one of the cleanest and catchiest vocal melodies Poppy has ever written, right up there with the ones in “I Disagree.” I’m laying on the praise pretty thick here because, well, I kinda like the song. That being said, I would still like to share some criticisms of the song. Throughout I Disagree (album), we can see Poppy experimenting with different ways of closing out tracks (see: literally every song on the album). But in the case of SotS, there’s a really strange male-dominated vocal harmony right at the end of the song. Sure, there’s some harmonizing throughout the song, but this snippet really springs out of nowhere. Perhaps it was intended to serve as a transition to “Don’t Go Outside,” but instead it comes off as a little dissonant with the rest of SotS. Further, including someone else’s voice at the end slightly undercuts the song’s personal feel. Maybe this could have been avoided had this ending been retracted or altered. SotS clearly has a strong sense of “tiredness” or “fatigue” to it, so perhaps a prolonged ‘sigh’ out of Poppy would have been a more harmonious close to the track. A final ‘sigh’ would also serve as a better transition to “Don’t Go Outside” as it would situate Poppy at a “low-point” of sorts that she would then “rise out of” in DGO. I also think placing “Sit/Stay” right before SotS would be a good choice. “Bite Your Teeth” isn’t overly related to SotS, whereas “Sit/Stay” is. Both SotS and “Sit/Stay” explore some of Poppy’s personal frustrations; “Sit/Stay” does so in a loud, vehement way, whereas SotS does so in a quiet, reserved way. In a sense, both tracks are two sides of the same proverbial coin. Of course, swapping the order of songs on an album isn’t always simple; sometimes albums are put together in a very specific way for a reason. So, moving “Sit/Stay” begs the question of where “Bite Your Teeth” should go. I’m not sure about that one. I’ll have to try listening to the album in a couple different orders first. Plus, there’s always the chance I’ve missed something. In fact, I think it’s likely.

II

Now, it may seem strange for me to talk about SotS since, well, most people seem to have a pretty decent grasp as to what it’s about. Or, at least, that was my initial impression. Upon closer inspection, however, it appears that the predominant interpretation of SotS (AKA the one I found on Genius and want to yell about) is specious at best. Obviously, the Genius interpretations are written by different people who don’t necessarily agree on all the details, but there is a common thread throughout the site’s speculations: that fundamentally, SotS is about Poppy reflecting on a time when she dealt with depression. 

This view seems plausible at first, especially when considering lines such as “Everyone told me that it would get better/ But every day feels exactly the same.” Seems to fit well, yes? Well, it doesn’t. actually. I’d like to demonstrate just why the “depression” interpretation of SotS is not only inaccurate, but it’s also a logically nonsensical construal of the lyrics. Quite a claim, but I’ll explain. Before I do so, though, I’d like to get my disclaimers out of the way. By no means do I seek to diminish the importance of mental health, nor do I seek to undermine the experiences of those who’ve grappled with problems to theirs. My thoughts on our modern mental health epidemic are complicated, and probably not-too-coherent either, though I’m sympathetic to more postmodern claims that it’s really weird to simply treat people with mental health problems as though their brains are just “not working right,” especially without asking why? What caused them to be this way? and further, that holy shit there is a lot of vested interest on the half of [various others] to not examine the many root causes of our mental health predicament. Plus, what does it mean for someone’s brain to be “not working right”? According to whom? For what? And I’m just scratching the surface. Merely hinting at the surface, in fact. But of course, that’s another, far scarier, discussion, so I’ll just say: as someone who hasn’t exactly had pristine mental health: yeah, depression et al. fucking suck.  And so, I’ll definitely admit that depression does seem to be a common motif in music these days, it’s just not a common motif in Poppy’s, and so it’s probably not in SotS either. Now, my reasons why this is:

First, it seems rather strange to declare that SotS is about “depression” given the fact that Poppy has never talked about experiencing any form of mental “illness.” No, seriously. Now before the non-intentionalists write a hit-piece, I’m merely pointing out it’s a little inappropriate to diagnose a former-pop-star with depression (through her music, no less!), especially when she has never even talked about it. But this does beg the question: how’d we get to thinking SotS is about depression? Well:

Second, it appears that the depression interpretation is based on a fundamental misunderstanding of the tone of SotS. Listen to the song again. Is this what “depression” sounds like? Surely the tone is a little down-beat, but it’s not that down-beat. Tired, perhaps. Fatigued, even, but surely not depressed. Maybe a tinge of sadness is present, but the song is saturated with instrumentals that give it a very light and dreamy feel. Psychedelic, even. Wispy. Distant, especially. All these words I would use to describe the sound of SotS, but “depression” I would not. 

Third, and perhaps most damning, is that the depression interpretation is completely nonsensical. This isn’t merely a cheap-shot or a jab—I mean that the depression interpretation is actually logically incoherent. Look, everyone can agree that Poppy’s lyrics (and videos, etc.) tend to be on the cryptic side. Thus, your first impression of what a song or any other work of hers is about may be wrong. In fact, it may be likely. See, for example, “Me Laughing.” Further, it seems that a lot of the “interpretations” you find on Genius tend to be on the shallower side, AKA, they tend to be “first impressions” that aren’t thought through all that well. Not to say Genius contains nothing of value, because it may, but the explanations it gives are usually quick answers so people scratching their heads at lyrics can quickly look and say “yep, good enough!” And this leads to, among other things, mistakes. Some of which are bad, even.

Let’s take an example. The eight-line chorus of SotS is as follows:

I'm sick of the sun

It burns everyone

I want it to go away

I just wanna float away

I'm sick of the sun

Can't trust anyone

I want it to go away

I just wanna float away

Cool, so that’s what we’re looking at. Now, the Genius interpretation of the chorus reads as follows:

Whilst this can be interpreted in several ways, these lyrics can be perceived to be Poppy / Moriah’s struggles with depression. Clinical depression, a common mental illness, is often accompanied by self-isolation: people often don’t have the energy to leave their house.

The sun is often a metaphor for hope and the fact that Poppy is sick of it indicates the presence of despair. “I want it to go away” can be seen as a desperate plea of a woman against her mental illness. She wants to be rid of it.

The final line can be seen as even darker. Whilst “floating way” brings about gentle, sweet connotations, in this context it can indicate death or perhaps even suicide, e.g. the spirit floating away from the body, floating away from reality.

The distrust present in these lyrics may also refer back to Poppy’s self-isolation. She feels as if she can no longer connect with anyone.

Source

Emphasis mine. Okay, I don’t wish any personal harm on the author of this explanation, or the twenty-five people who upvoted it, but my god, this is an absolute trainwreck. To show why this is so terrible, we’ll look at the bolded section closely:

“The sun is often a metaphor for hope”

Okay, sure.

“and the fact that Poppy is sick of it indicates the presence of despair.”

Not really. Despair indicates a lack of hope, not a disdain of hope. But I’m being a little pedantic. The real problem comes next:

““I want it to go away” can be seen as a desperate plea of a woman against her mental illness.”

Did you catch that? The word “it” has completely forgotten what it was referring to. It’s downright lost its referent. As a reminder, the chorus reads like:

I'm sick of the sun

It burns everyone

I want it to go away

so when Poppy says “I want it to go away,” she means “I want [the sun] to go away,” not “I want [my depression] to go away,” as this person would have us believe. Besides, it was just established that the “sun” was a metaphor for “hope.” So how could someone wanting “hope” to “go away” possibly be “a desperate plea of a woman against her mental illness”? Wouldn’t a “desperate plea against … mental illness” be seeking “hope” and not wishing it away?

Look, I’m not saying the song can’t be about depression, it’s just that all the explanations we have, including the one above, that support this idea are truly awful. I think we should have much more evidence before we recklessly go about diagnosing people with mental conditions by listening to their songs.

Fourth, as alluded to, the view that SotS is about depression fails to account for several important lines in the song. Interestingly, these lines seem contradictory to the idea that the song is about depression. For one, our [G]enius interpreter completely ignored the line “It burns everyone.” Probably because this line doesn’t fit neatly into the interpretation of “the sun” representing “hope.” After all, it’s not clear that “[hope] burns everyone.” In fact, it seems like nonsense. Plus, we’re not sure how the line “Can’t trust anyone” fits with Poppy’s alleged depressive episode. Huh, I wasn’t aware that paranoia was a key feature of depression. Guess we’ve got some news to break to the tin-hatters. Further, if SotS is about depression, then what’s with all the talk about Poppy needing to “find the right sound”? Even Genius appears to give up connecting this to depression. It seems that either a) these four lines don’t connect with the meaning of the song and Poppy was mistaken to include them, or b) SotS isn’t about depression. I’ll opt for the latter. Look, I’ve been railing a little hard here, so I’ll say that it’s fine if your interpretations miss a few bits (as mine usually do). Just know that leaving about important pieces of information, especially pieces that fly directly in the face of your interpretation, means you’re no longer interpreting [the piece], but instead you’re interpreting a conveniently-warped-caricature-of [the piece]. By doing this, you’re no longer engaging with the piece on its terms, but your own. You’re not attempting to “discover” the meaning of the work, instead you are projecting on your own and throwing out the bits that don’t conform. At the risk of angering [a lot of people], I find it a tad unhealthy to treat artworks merely as devices to either a) confirm what you already “know” or b) be thrown out for being “wrong.” As an olive branch, perhaps “some'' projection is inevitable, but we can at least admit degrees. And an even bigger olive branch: I used to do a) a lot (and still somewhat do).

Fifth, I’m deeply suspicious of the modern instinctual association of “sadness” with “depression” and “solitude” with “something is wrong with you.” Who taught us to do this? Where did these associations come from? Most worrying: who/what wants us to think this way? This may seem contradictory to what I said before. No. Yes. I don’t know. I haven’t written about mental health, and I don’t think I can. So with that, let’s move on.

Regardless of whether you find all five of my complaints tenable, hopefully they were enough to convince you that this idea of SotS being “about Poppy’s past depression” needs to be buried. Preferably six feet deep.

III

Okay, so if SotS isn’t about “depression,” then what is it about? Well, let’s take a look at some of the lyrics. The song opens with the refrain, headed by the line “I’m sick of the sun.” We may ask: what is Poppy referring to as “the sun”? Does she mean this literally, as in, she is tired of the warm glowy ball of fire in the sky? Or is she talking about something else here? It seems that this analogy is a central part of the piece. By this, I mean that this analogy recurs throughout and is deeply embedded in the song. Hence, one’s answer to the above questions will influence the rest of the song’s meaning. Knowing this, perhaps we should look at some of the other lines before we take a guess.

Immediately following “I’m sick of the sun” comes the line “it burns everyone.” Hm. The literal sun is rather hot, but does it really burn “everyone”? I don’t think so. Plenty of people go their lives without sunburns, or simply minor ones. It also doesn’t seem like the literal interpretation of “sun” here would explain the inevitability of being “burned” that this line seems to suggest. Indeed, the next two lines (“I want it to go away/ I just wanna float away”) point towards Poppy dealing with some sort of personal trouble, rather than her disdain of fiery yellow dwarves (I feel like there’s a joke there). This notion of personal trouble is also supported by the other line in the refrain, “Can’t trust anyone.” Okay, perhaps we can do away with the literal interpretation of “the sun,” but then what is Poppy speaking of?

We turn now to the verse. SotS has only one, eight lines in total. Typically, the verses in a song are enough to tell listeners what exactly is going on, but a cursory glance at this lonely verse casts doubt upon its explanatory capability. It doesn’t even appear that the verse covers all that much ground, so to speak. Are we then stuck in the dark, or is this single set of lines really enough for us to ascribe some coherent meaning to the song? Well, yes, actually (ambiguity intended). Close inspection reveals that the verse contains plenty of information—more than enough to guide us through the rest of the song.

Let’s proceed in true analytic fashion by breaking the verse down into two sections, each four lines in length. This break isn’t simply for the sake of symmetry, but is instead based on subject matter. The first four lines of the verse (“Can someone turn the lights down?/ … / Someone turn the lights out, oh”) pertain to Poppy’s aversion to “lights” whereas the subsequent four lines (“I need to find the right sound/ … / [ditto]”) pertain to Poppy’s struggle to find her right “sound.” I’m slightly trivializing this difference, but as we shall see, the distinction is not merely formal. 

The first part of the verse, the “lights” bloc, contains several key bits of information. As noted above, these four lines are concerned with “lights” of some sort. But what do “lights” have to do with our central analogy pertaining to “the sun”? Well, “the sun” is clearly a type of light. A very bright one, in fact. It may even be that “the sun” serves as simply an amalgamation of the “lights” mentioned here. I suppose this would hold true literally if you’d like to consider the sun a collection of nuclear reactions, but, science aside, there does seem to be a more metaphorical marriage of “lights” with “the sun” from the words “‘cause it’s too bright.” Here “it’s” does a lot of work; the tinge of vagueness serves to connect the prior two lines, which contain requests for someone to “turn the lights down” or “shut [them] out,” with “the sun,” by saying that “it’s too bright.” Now how does Poppy respond to “the lights”? Well, she says: “I close my eyes.” Note that closing one’s eyes alleviates the pain from bright lights, similar to how one does after waking up and looking outside on a sunny day, but it also leaves one blind, temporarily unable to take in any outside information.

Present also in the “lights” bloc are requests for “someone.” “Someone” to somehow deal with these “lights,” either by turning them down, shutting them out, or simply turning them out. Who, exactly, is to be this “someone”? Well, perhaps nobody, and it’s possible that Poppy’s almost disinterested tone here shows she is aware of this. This may be some sort of acknowledged bystander effect: nobody is actually going to deal with these “lights”—maybe nobody can. Notice there is also a shift in the intensity of Poppy’s requests to this “someone.” She starts asking for “someone” to “turn the lights down,” then asks for “someone” to “shut the lights out,” before finally asking for “someone” to “turn the lights out” altogether. Maybe Poppy is finding herself increasingly ‘fed up’ with “the lights” over time, or that “the lights” are becoming increasingly disruptive to her. But disruptive how? Indeed:

The final tidbit from the “lights” bloc is that Poppy mentions “the lights” are “too bright”? But “too bright” for what? We’ve already agreed we’re not being literal here, meaning this isn’t a simple case of caring for one’s retinas, so why are these “lights” such a problem? Well, perhaps the next part of the verse can provide an answer.

The next section of the only verse may be called the “sound” bloc for convenience. The first and last line (fifth and eighth in the whole verse), “I need to find the right sound,” tells us about the nature of Poppy’s troubles in SotS. As many know, Poppy has recently been changing up her “sound,” notably from pop to [something media outlets struggle to characterize]. It’s interesting that Poppy mentions she still hasn’t “found” “the right sound,” even after switching up her style. Perhaps more surprises are to come. Or, perhaps, she is referring to past struggles. Either way, in the next line she wishes for her “right sound” to be “Something [she] can say that [she] found.” The struggle for individuality is a common motif in Poppy’s work, in both her past work and present. It seems that even after changing her sound to something more true to herself, she found that her personal struggle to distinguish herself from others (or remain true to herself) persists. The next line, “Yeah, I can hear it in my mind” tells us that Poppy has some conception of the “right sound” for herself, but it’s on the tip of her tongue, so to speak. Combined with the repetition of “I need to find the right sound” at the end of this bloc, we’re given some sense of the difficulty, perhaps even impossibility (not futility, though) of doing so. It could be that this “right sound” is something that constantly eludes Poppy. After all, “the right sound” probably changes as she does, which would make actually “finding” it rather tough.

The common thread through the “sound” bloc is Poppy’s artistic struggle. Her struggle to produce something that is original yet remains true to herself. Plus, whatever “sound” she produces needs to be something people want to hear. No small feat. Thus, we find an answer to our previous question (“too bright” for what?): it seems that “the lights” and perhaps “the sun” are interfering with Poppy’s creative process and are hampering her pursuit of individuality she strives to achieve through her work.

The only other set of lines (the bridge, apparently) that differs from the chorus is as follows:

Everyone told me that it would get better

But every day feels exactly the same

As previously mentioned, this set of lines does lend itself particularly well to the depression account, but it may just as easily be thought of referencing Poppy’s difficulties finding a “sound” that is both true to herself, original, and something people actually want to hear. However, there is also a tie-in to Poppy’s previous attempts to rid herself of “the lights” or “the sun.” Meaning: something’s still missing here. As such, it seems that providing an explanation of the song’s central analogy (what is “the sun” referring to?) is now necessary, but, since we have looked through the song in detail, providing such an explanation is also now possible.

IV

We’re left with a final riddle of sorts: what “burns everyone,” causes distrust (“Can’t trust anyone”), pervades, persists, and interferes with one’s creative process that Poppy wishes to untether herself from (“I just wanna float away”)? Indeed, what is “the sun” here?

The previous and seemingly common answer was “depression,” but as we demonstrated, this explanation is rather lackluster. Thus, I would like to offer my own: “the sun” is an analogy for “the Spotlight,” the ever-present gaze of fans, friends, and foes on the life of the famous. How does this new explanation fare? Can it help us ‘tie things up?’ Let’s test it out and see:

Suppose that when Poppy says she is “sick of the sun,” she means she is “sick of the [Spotlight].” She is tired of always being watched and always being scrutinized (“I want it to go away”) and she wishes to unplug or untether herself from The Game all famous artists play (“I just wanna float away”) because it causes her stress or strife (“It burns everyone”) and she finds it has corrupted some (or nearly all) of the other players (“Can’t trust anyone”). In fact, she finds that the Spotlight interferes with her own personal quest to create work that remains both true to herself and original (“Can someone turn the lights down?/ … / I need to find the right sound”). Unfortunately, it appears that life in the Spotlight is not something that will simply “get better” on its own (“But every day feels exactly the same”). Sometimes, just to manage, Poppy finds the need to disconnect for a while (“I close my eyes, ‘cause it’s too bright”).

Hey, that’s not too bad. I’d even go so far as to say it’s a little “better.” Indeed, the “depression” account, which, honestly, doesn’t account for much, relies heavily on just a couple lines and plenty of armchair psychology, whereas the “Spotlight” interpretation offers a far more “decentralized” explanation of SotS. Plus, the “Spotlight” account views SotS as consistent with much of Poppy’s previous work and with external information about both her recent change of sound and her frustrations working within the competitive and conformist music industry; the “depression” account treats SotS as Poppy’s offshoot confessional on her mental health, something that she has seemingly never acknowledged elsewhere.

Look, I’m not advocating writing an essay every time you hear a song you like. I’m also not saying you ‘must’ see things the way I do. After all, “meaning” doesn’t come out of thin air—we are the ones who put it [everywhere]. So, fundamentally, all I can do is make an argument. I just want to show that we can [interpret/analyze/evaluate/whatever] “better” than we currently are. I know we can. Hell, I’ve even seen it done. That’s why I’m so tired of Genius’s “explanations” of songs explaining away all the genius. I guess you could say I’m “sick” of them.

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*Sigh*

[kingofthewilderwest]

I absolutely loved season 4 of RTTE! The graphics were great and I enjoyed so many of the episodes. Especially touching was the scene with Toothless and Hiccup in Dire Straits. It left me in tears and was so well put together! I would love to hear your thoughts on that episode! Would you be willing to analyze it?

I think this moment in Race to the Edge Season 4 was one of the highlights of the season. It was an extraordinary moment between Hiccup and Toothless. The facial expressions and body language demonstrate the love and closeness these two share, while Toothless’ gutsy actions show how much he was willing to risk to try to save his best friend. Even in an impossible scenario like this one, Toothless does not give up. To my last anon friend who feels that Toothless did not try hard, I hope my description of the situation explains why I believe that Toothless does everything in his emotional power and physical might to try to save his best friend. This dragon did not do nothing. On the contrary, he does a whole lot in an attempt to save the human he loves! It’s an incredible moment and displays their friendship oh-so-powerfully.

Now. One wonderfully written element about Dire Straits is that, from the very beginning, the story sets up the concept of Hiccup going deep underwater, and Toothless fretting about the venture. Toothless commonly becomes leery of Hiccup’s experiments, be it gliding through the sky or submerging deep below the ocean surface. In fact, every single time we see Hiccup prepare to descend in his latest invention, we also see Toothless cringing, moaning, and worrying. Toothless is fearful something might go wrong.

As we know, having seen the whole episode, Toothless’ worries end up being founded. Something does go wrong and Hiccup almost dies. And we see an early, powerful moment foreshadowing the climax of Dire Straits. The first time Hiccup tests out his invention, Toothless stares worriedly at him from the other side of the amber, with a similar camera angle to the horrific scene that happens at the end of the episode.

And at the same time we see Toothless worrying throughout the episode, we watch Hiccup preparing. During this time, we learn much about the construction of Hiccup’s underwater cauldron. It is constructed from Gobber’s old metal smelting cauldron and reinforced with Gronckle iron, an alloy that is stronger than iron. The death song amber window is thick and triple reinforced to ensure it does not break. The cauldron is built of an incredibly thick metal base, easily several inches thick, and due to its heavy weight, it must be raised and lowered with thick chains through a pulley system. The thick metal dome is held up by three heavy metal supports, presumably constructed from Gronckle iron, too, given as they appear to be the same material as the other reinforcements.

This robust construction is actually an important aspect of the episode’s climactic underwater accident. The point is that this is a very, very firm invention, something Fishlegs even describes as “dragon-proof.” Dragons cannot simply break open this device. It’s not that easy. It’s reinforced with Gronckle iron. And… it is so heavy that it requires a very robust pulley system… the average-sized dragon isn’t going to be able to carry this thing. The story makes it seem like this solid construction would be an asset, as it would prevent breakage or damage while Hiccup was underwater. He needed this to stay together or else he would die. However, what ends up happening is that this solid construction is so solid that… Toothless cannot get Hiccup out of it.

So everything building up to the climax leads to it: the strong construction of the cauldron and Toothless’ continued worrying all lead to the moment Hiccup is trapped underwater.

Part of what makes that scene so emotional and effective is the extent to which Toothless tries to save Hiccup. Toothless’ heroics start small but then spiral into increasingly dangerous, gutsy, futile actions. 

When the dragon riders first realize Hiccup is in danger, Toothless is already unnerved and tense, constantly staring down at the water. When Fishlegs says that they cannot bring Hiccup up because it’s too early, Toothless growls. Toothless wants Fishlegs to pull Hiccup out of the water; he would rather have his dragon rider companion alive than the Submaripper rescued.

And then the pulley system breaks. Here comes Toothless’ first enormously bold move. He instantly charges and grabs the cauldron’s pulley chain to try to pull Hiccup up. Even though an enormous, heavy metal dome is hurtling down ocean waters, and there’s no possible way a single Night Fury could carry such a weight, Toothless grabs the chain anyway. It’s a desperate, frantic, emotional, instinctive action. It’s not the most logical choice to grab on this chain… but what we see is that Toothless’ first instinct is to save Hiccup’s life. 

As expected, Toothless grabbing and pulling on the chain with all his physical power does squat. He is pulled down to the bottom of the ocean with Hiccup.

Already, we have one desperate, emotional, frantic action coming out from Toothless. And this is just the start of the dragon’s attempts to save his friend.

Now Hiccup is trapped on the bottom of the ocean surface. Toothless wastes no time trying to free Hiccup. Toothless swims around the cauldron, yanking on chains (which is a completely useless and emotional task, if you think about it… if he can’t pick up the cauldron the first time, he can’t pick it up the second or third or fourth times). Toothless also, as you point out, fires several plasma blasts underwater at the cauldron.

But there’s only so much Toothless can do in these conditions. The plasma blasts hit their mark, going straight to the base of the cauldron, but they’re not going to be as effective as they are above water. This is because Toothless fires acetylene charges that react to oxygen. When acetylene and oxygen interact, they create a plasma blast. Here’s the problem: Toothless is underwater. The acetylene cannot come in contact with oxygen. It’s the same reason why fire doesn’t burn underwater; water prevents the fire’s fuel from coming in contact with needed oxygen. So even if Toothless gave his largest, most aggressive plasma blasts underwater… they’re… not going to do much. Not in these conditions where we don’t have much free oxygen gas floating around.

Granted, even if Toothless had access to his full firepower, it’d probably be wise if Toothless didn’t shoot his strongest blasts. Plasma blasts are extremely explosive, and we don’t want Toothless killing Hiccup with his own shots. But that’s still all a hypothetical. We don’t know if Toothless was giving his full firepower or not underwater here… but we do know that Toothless was giving his best attempt to free Hiccup. We do know that, chemically, Toothless’ plasma blasts are rather weakened. His shots, which he uses for so many useful, quick-save tricks above water, are useless down here.

Another strength of Toothless’ that is suddenly depleted underwater… is his speed. Sure, Toothless is a fast swimmer from what we see, but it’s going to be nowhere close to the hundred mile speeds he gets in the sky. This is another thing to consider when we watch Toothless swimming around seeking to save Hiccup. Maybe it looks like Toothless’ attempts are “weak” and “halfhearted” because he seems to be moving slowly and without much force. But he’s underwater. Have you ever tried running even just waist-deep in water? You can’t. You’re extraordinarily slowed down. There is no way for Toothless to move quickly; I bet he’s moving about as fast as he can.

Here we see Toothless using all the tricks he usually employs to save others… and these tricks fail. Plasma blasts, strength, speed: none of them are going to do anything in this submarine situation. Even if he had thought to do things like ram against the death song amber… that had been reinforced to be dragon-proof, and he wouldn’t have been able to break it. HTTYD 2 has some amazing, near-impossible saves, yes, but it also shows us that sometimes reality doesn’t go as we want it to. Stoick had to die to protect Hiccup. There wasn’t a perfect, beat-the-impossible solution to save Hiccup there. And it looks like there isn’t a perfect, beat-the-impossible solution to save Hiccup here.

Now some people might note that Toothless doesn’t seem as frantic as some other people might be watching their best friend drown. This all comes to various personalities having different psychological reactions. For some people, in frightening circumstances, it might not fully click what’s happening until after the event. Many people terrifying events seemingly rather numbly or “calmly”, functioning just fine, until their minds can process what has occured. Then they get hysterical. Other people are very emotionally distraught during a situation but still manage to function halfway well on the outside. Just because Toothless isn’t in hysterics doesn’t mean he isn’t emotionally affected by what’s going on. We see that he’s extremely distressed. It’s just that he’s not frantic-frantic panicking.

It’s also to note that Hiccup and Toothless are seasoned to danger. Toothless is going to be extraordinarily distressed about Hiccup, but he’s been in enough dangerous situations to know not to panic. He’s conditioned to be able to operate efficiently even under enormous, terrible pressure. It’s going to emotionally kill Toothless to go through this situation… and we can see, with his worried eyes, that this is a horrible reality for Toothless to experience. But Toothless isn’t going to get hysterical like some lesser-experienced individuals might so do.

The dragon might be operating more efficiently than some people in tight spots, but we can tell he’s not operating as logically as he would in calmer situations. His distress is emotionally compromising him. Toothless is wasting his strength doing things that obviously won’t free Hiccup. Remember: this dragon yanked on a chain to pull up an object impossibly heavier than he could bear. It’s entirely possible Toothless can’t think of other solutions to this problem with his mind in his compromised, scared state.What we see is a dragon who is doing his best to help Hiccup, is able not to panic, but is still extremely distressed and emotionally compromised. We can see it all through his emotions and his choices.

It’s a very realistic and simultaneously poignant reaction from Toothless here. Once he goes through all the methods he can think of to free Hiccup, he comes to the conclusion that Hiccup might die down here. We start to see Toothless slow down. Toothless is starting to run out of ideas, and he’s starting to realize that his best efforts might be futile. That’s really disheartening, so his emotions cause him to break his rescue attempts, look at Hiccup face-to-face, and mourn. Toothless slows down and stops trying to save Hiccup… because the depression of the situation is weighing him down. It’s the point where Toothless’ thoughts of “I might save Hiccup” change into “I can’t save Hiccup” which lead to the horrible realization… “Hiccup is going to die.”

Boom. Ow.

Now, in addition to Toothless doing so much to try to save his friend, the reason this scene is so powerful is because of the complex emotional reactions that occur when Hiccup and Toothless communicate. What we see in this interaction is that their primary concern is for each other. Hiccup whacks against the death song amber, insisting worriedly, “Go! Save yourself!” He loves Toothless and he wants Toothless alive. But Toothless is worried about Hiccup, not himself.

So when Hiccup tells Toothless to save himself, Toothless doesn’t swim to the surface. Toothless continues to stare at Hiccup, and Hiccup says, in response, “I know, bud. I wouldn’t leave you either.” 

What this means is that Hiccup and Toothless both know… the dragon isn’t leaving. They know that their love for each other is too strong for that to be an option.

Toothless would rather die helping Hiccup to the very end than save himself.

Hiccup realizes Toothless’ intent. And then we see his facial reaction change… from one of fear for his best friend’s life… to sad comfort. He’s touched, albeit emotionally pained, that Toothless loves him so much he’s going to stay at his side.

It is at this point that Hiccup calms. He accepts he won’t make it out alive. Toothless, on the other side, cannot accept this. Depressed and worried, the dragon is going to make the ultimate sacrifice of staying by Hiccup’s side to the very end… even if this means the end to both of them.

The end of the “conversation” occurs when Toothless closes his eyes, reaches out, and nuzzles the amber window. Note that he’s reaching for Hiccup’s hand. Hiccup’s hand is outstretched toward Toothless, and Toothless tries to touch Hiccup’s hand. Recognize the gesture? It’s only sort of similar to this friendship-building moment from long ago…

Yep.

Toothless can’t save Hiccup. He can’t even touch Hiccup. But he demonstrates the trust and love of their friendship as best he can: with the gesture of “touching” nose to palm. It’s the demonstration of ultimate love and trust, the motion Toothless and Hiccup make when they are at their most tender and caring.

My feels.

It’s such an emotional moment. It’s the concept of so-close-and-yet-so-far. We see this done in movies. A New Hope with Obi-Wan’s death. The Force Awakens with Han Solo. Characters are close enough they can watch someone die, but simultaneously too far away (or barricaded) such that they can’t do anything. Hiccup and Toothless are so close. They’re face-to-face. They can read one another’s eyes, communicate, see how the other is emotionally handling this nightmare. But Toothless is separated from Hiccup, unable to touch him and unable to save him. The best Toothless can do is nuzzle the glass in front of Hiccup. In a way, this nuzzle is a way of expressing his loyalty, his love… and his good-byes.

It’s possible that Toothless might have gotten some physical rest at this moment. Then he might have tried some more futile attempts of freeing Hiccup. But we don’t know because it is at this instant the Submaripper appears. 

So. You know what I said about Toothless doing ridiculously, increasingly gutsy things to protect his best friend? This is what we have going here. Toothless is probably running out of air. He has exerted a lot of physical energy trying to budge a cauldron that is too heavy for him. He has shot several plasma blasts and seen they have almost no destructive effect underwater.

And yet when the enormous Submaripper swims toward the cauldron…

…Toothless goes into attack mode. It doesn’t matter Toothless is out of his element. It doesn’t matter Toothless is probably running out of physical strength. It doesn’t matter his plasma blasts mean squat here. It doesn’t matter that he’s so much smaller than the other dragon. When Toothless sees the Submaripper advancing toward Hiccup, his automatic response… is… to… fight.

There’s no logic to this. Hiccup is going to die anyway. Toothless is going to die anyway. Toothless is completely, utterly outmatched.

Doesn’t stop him from trying to defend his best friend.

Toothless fires two plasma blasts immediately, trying to fight off the enormous dragon and keep Hiccup - at least for a few seconds more - safe. This dragon is willing to die underwater with Hiccup. This dragon is even willing to die fighting a seadragon to prevent Hiccup’s soon-to-be-dead body from being touched by a hostile individual.

We can all breathe a sigh of relief (wordplay on breathing intentional) that the Submaripper’s motives were misread by Toothless. Toothless tends to be suspicious first, friendly second… and to be fair, the Submaripper had been aggressive toward the humans up to this point. But instead of attacking Toothless, we see the Submaripper pay debts. Hiccup saved the dragon… so the dragon will now save Hiccup.

Thus Hiccup is rescued.

So yes. I absolutely love this moment, and I consider it one of the standout moments of Race to the Edge. This is a moment that expresses the deep bonds between Hiccup and Toothless in a horrifying, emotional near-death situation. Everything is done so perfectly… the foreshadowing camera angle compared to the climax… the nose-to-palm “touch”… even the music, which is a variation on the theme that happens whenever Toothless is in grave danger (heard, for instance, at the end of the Kill Ring). What we see here is a friend desperate to save a friend… a friend willing to die next to his friend… a friend willing to sacrifice himself for a friend…

It’s the very essence of the loving bond between dragon and rider.

[everythingisgreenandsubmarine]

How Cinematography Affects Story In "Mr. Robot"

Mr. Robot is one of the most interesting shows currently on television. Returning for its third season on October 11th, this show works both as a boldly modern discussion of mental health and moral philosophy with an intriguing core narrative about hacking, while simultaneously working with the aesthetic of an 80s thriller, both in terms of its sound design, and some of its visuals.

What's most interesting about Mr. Robot, though (at least from my personal perspective), has to do with its most obvious element -- its cinematography.

There are generally two schools of thought when it comes to cinematography, though unwritten. Generally, filmmakers and viewers fall into one of two categories. Some people feel that cinematography should be used to impart the narrative. In other words, it should be used strictly as a tool to present the narrative, and should not call attention to itself, so that viewers are not taken out of the story. Others feel that cinematography should augment the narrative, and introduce subtle elements of its own to enhance the written story.

Mr. Robot is interesting because it does both of these things. The show, and its creator Sam Esmail, is no stranger when it comes to shaking cinematic conventions of. The show breaks the 4th wall with ease and fluidity, affectionately calls the main company in its narrative "Evil Corp", and utilizes voiceover to explore Eliot's state of mind, and philosophical musings. So it should come as no surprise that the cinematography in this show dips into both pools.

Most film students come across the rule of thirds, and other composition "rules" at the very beginning of their education. I use quotes for the term 'rules' because, as you will find, or have already found, there are no true rules in filmmaking. In fact, like with all art forms, the people who are most successful, or who find the most pleasure, in this medium are the ones who consistently break these rules.

The above video, brought to you by YouTuber D4 Darious (who runs an excellent filmmaking channel; I highly recommend you subscribe to him for more DIY filmmaking tips, and filmmaking analyses) discusses the basic premises of these compositional "rules". All of them, in general, can be relied upon to help you create an appealing image, and -- to be fair -- many professional filmmakers and cinematographers rely upon these basic compositional rules in their films and shows.

Mr. Robot is different though. It purposefully, and overtly, bucks typical cinematic trends to create something different. Whenever I watch the show, I always have this gut feeling of unease, or of concern. Why is that? What do these visuals have to do with that feeling?

This goes back to my first mention of imparting a story and augmenting a story. While it's fair to say that all cinematography imparts a story -- by virtue of being the visual element, it is what connects us with the scripts, and character outlines, that have been written out -- it can be harder to identify how cinematography alone can augment, or enhance, a narrative. 

Look at the image above. Without any context, this looks like a badly framed image, right? Sure, it still follows the rule of thirds (she is placed on the right side of the grid), but there's no lead room. Because we cannot see anything beyond what is captured in this image, it feels as though Angela, the character in this shot, is looking at a wall. It's uncomfortable.

The same is true of Elliot in the above photo -- again, still technically following the rule of thirds, but we are again confronted by this odd lack of lead space. Everything feels scrunched together, and the balance of the image seems off.

Some other examples, like this one, are more drastic. Here the cinematographer isn't even following the rule of thirds. Philip Price is relegated to the very corner of the image, while the expansive office around him seems more imposing, more important. 

And again here, where Elliot, who is our main character, is pushed to the very corner of the frame, the environment around him seeming to swallow him whole.

When I discussed this with a filmmaking mentor of mine (this was when I had just started watching the show), he quipped that cinematographers had gotten bored with convention, and were just messing with audiences for the hell of it. Maybe there's some truth to that. But with Mr. Robot, I would like to think there is something underneath the surface here.

That's because these images do augment the narrative. Elliot is an anti-social character, who enjoys spending more time by himself, with his computer, than he does with other people. He only truly considers one person, Angela Moss, a close friend. Further, the story is centered around his desire to help people, and his actions to bring down "the man", so to speak -- all of this is fueled by the mysterious figure, Mr. Robot, who has a very antagonistic relationship with Elliot.

With all of this in mind, is it so odd that the cinematography would reflect these things? By pushing our characters to the edge of the frame, the viewer is unable to really see what is coming, while also feeling very uncomfortable -- we're not used to that type of framing. So by using this unconventional framing, the show is able to make us confused, and/or uncomfortable, and set itself apart from competing shows.

This is further compounded by the usage of wide angle shots that do follow conventional composition rules.

This speaks to the "imparting and augmenting" dichotomy I spoke of earlier. Shots like this are purely technical (or mostly technical). They provide us with a sense of time, place, and tone which is written into the narrative of the story. These kinds of shots bring the words to life. What was a paragraph of Courier font is now a robustly beautiful, and informative, image.

Regardless of whether or not these images have a modernist aesthetic, or if they are recalling grungy, textured imagery from past films and shows, we regard these shots as normal. We may comment on their beauty, or on how cool they are (as we do nowadays when we see a single-take shot), but we generally don't dive into them further to analyze their meaning.

Mr. Robot has plenty of this style of cinematography -- cinematic, informative, pretty to look at. It imparts information well, and allows the viewer to passively ingest the story, the setting, and the characters.

However, it also throws us imagery like this -- unconventional, odd, confusing, and unnerving. Yet it speaks to the confusing, dreamy, or suspenseful elements of its narrative. This kind of cinematography takes us out of the experience, if but for a moment, and yet in doing so it provides us with the chance to delve deeper into the narrative, and to analyze its characters.

It is very possible, as my filmmaking mentor quipped to me, that these cinematographers are just bored, and are trying to see what they can get away with. It is also entirely possible that creator Sam Esmail wanted to create a distinct visual aesthetic that would set his show apart from other dramas currently on television. But these choices feel very deliberate. And, whether by happenstance or by design, they speak to the underlying themes of the show in a way we are not used to. In an age where the majority of thematic understanding comes from overt dialogue and obvious themes, it's both refreshing and confusing to see some of Mr. Robot's themes being discussed in such an obvious, yet subtle, way.

If anything, Mr. Robot's cinematography speaks to the kind of out-of-the-box thinking that has lead to so many film movements, and so many television revivals. We may be in the Golden Age of Television currently, but that does not mean there isn't room for innovation -- quite the contrary. Mr. Robot will continue to challenge us, I'm sure, and I hope its boldness will inspire other creators, and other cinematographers, to do the same.

[lux-i-fer]

Café Amor

Synopsis: For "Who The Hell Is Cupid" Valentine's Fic Exchange. Sitting in the precinct parking lot, completely clothed, and holding coffee was not Lucifer's plan for Valentine's Day.

Ao3 link

Rating: G

Notes: Hello and welcome to my week late Valentine's Day Fic!! I've been on vacation for the past week (without my laptop *gasp*) and so I had no time to post. So I'm super sorry it's so late! This is unbetaed because of my rush (it was a rush job transferring too) so any mistakes are mine. Anyways my prompt for the lovely Antarctic_Echoes was stuffed toys and such. It's fun, I promise. The title translates to "Coffee Love".

February 14th 2017, 21st century A.D. was officially the first time the Devil didn't know what to do.

Valentine’s Day, the holiday dedicated to lust and all things sensual. The one day out of the year that Lux's patrons and dancers alike blended together in a sexually charged lingerie filled menagerie. A time when red confetti and gold streamers rained down on the sea of debauchery every hour.

It was Lucifer's personal sin-filled playground and he wasn't attending.

No instead this year on Valentine’s Day Lucifer Morningstar found himself completely clothed, sober, and in the precinct parking lot. In place of holiday themed shots and chasers there was lukewarm coffee in the Corvette’s center console.

Lucifer didn't buy flowers because they reminded him of the hospital. There was no chocolate because that was for the spawn. He didn't do dinner because Chloe was working late. There were no cut out hearts because he was the Devil and good, menacing Devils did not give pathetic declarations of love on construction paper. And Lucifer certainly was not dressing up like a poor representation of his half-breed brother, “Cupid”; no matter how much he despised him.

In fact, Lucifer hadn't gotten anything at all. Well that was a lie, he'd gotten the coffee. But he supposed it really didn't count.

He glanced at the small hearts Sharpied in next to his name. The over-friendly barista had written his name with blatantly forced flourishes. She obviously hadn't cared whether or not the second cup was for someone else.

Hearts or no hearts, the coffee was not going to get him laid. No matter how many Lifetime movies tried to tell him otherwise.

Lucifer let his head fall heavily on the Corvette’s steering wheel. Oh Father maybe he should break down and get chocolate.

With a sigh he checked the time: 7:46. Only Chloe would choose to work late on Valentine’s Day.

Not that he minded, of course. He certainly admired her dedication. Especially when catching particularly nasty criminals put that spark in her eye.

Lucifer tried to ignore how his heart swelled with pride whenever he thought of her.

Her laughing at her own silly jokes, her taking down bad guys, her dressed in that low-cut shirt he loved, with the white buttons and the lace b-- no, no distractions . He mentally kicked himself.

Bloody emotions. Evil, bewitching woman. Stupid holiday.

He sighed. Why was he overthinking this? It was just bringing Chloe coffee. He did this every day; the only thing that was different was the damn label.

Lucifer forced himself to get out of the car. He grabbed the coffee with a little more force than needed and headed into the precinct.

It was no surprise that her desk lamp was the only light on in the building. It's owner, however; was missing. And that was a surprise.

“Detective darling?”

Lucifer's echoing query wasn't returned.

The coffee seemed to freeze in his hands as he stepped down the stairs.

Where could she be?

“Detective?”

As Lucifer neared Chloe's empty desk he saw half signed case papers. The pen lay uncapped next to them, ink seeping onto the cheap metal desktop.

Her coat hung untouched on the back of her chair, reassuring him she was here somewhere. Lucifer set Chloe’s cup down, taking care to avoid anything important. His newly freed fingertips danced thoughtfully across the worn leather as he scanned the rest of the surface for clues.

A glint caught his eye and Lucifer couldn't help the beginnings of a smile that played across his lips.

There among Chloe's legal work and silly little knick-knacks sat a tiny stuffed bear. Not just any bear, an angel bear; with tiny metallic cellophane wings and halo to boot. It gazed placidly at him with its cheerfully stitched smile teasing him.

Lucifer tugged the yellow sticky note out of its fuzzy white paws. The paper revealed a big pink heart on the bear’s stomach. In the middle, printed in bold white letters read NICE.

A disbelieving scoff rose in his throat. The bloody woman lived to torture him.

Lucifer turned his attention to the sticky note.

Conference room 166 was scrawled in Chloe's familiar chicken scratch.

He huffed out an amused chuckle and his smile stretched further. Sticking the note back to the bear, Lucifer stacked Chloe's coffee on top of his and swiped the bear off the desk.

Conference room 166 was a rarely used storage room, barely the size of a cubicle that sat at the end of a side hallway designated for far more important things than extra staples. Lucifer himself had only been in it once to grab a box of envelopes for Chloe's evidence forms.

His feet found the familiar path easily and soon Lucifer found himself at the door of conference room 166. It opened without a fuss and Lucifer found himself greeted with the same scene from before.

A single light shown on the small wooden table that just barely fit inside. Unlike Chloe's desk, the table was clutter free, save for a single black bear.

Lucifer took a step closer.

The new bear stared up at him with the same sewn on grin as the last one, but instead of wings and a halo, it had shiny red horns and a tail.

It's black paws held another yellow sticky note, tempting Lucifer just as the same as the first.

Under it was a similar red heart with NAUGHTY stamped on in white lettering.

Lucifer shifted his gaze to the paper in his hand. On it was a single word printed in all caps.

SURPRISE!

Confused, Lucifer searched the shadows for traces of Chloe.

He whipped his head around as a click sounded behind him.

“What--?”

Lucifer's words died in his throat at the sight of Chloe leaning against the door. He felt his grip on the coffee cups loosen as he took her in.

Her hair hung loosely in her face, hiding pieces of her bright grin behind slices of its golden strands. The white blouse Lucifer had fantasized about all evening lay unbuttoned a few too many holes to be modest.

Lucifer all but dropped the cups and bear onto the table.

“Hi,” he said, not trusting himself to say more.

Fire danced playfully in her eyes as she held up a takeout bag.

“Hi,” she echoed slyly.

“I suppose the coffee is a bit redundant now, isn't it?”

Chloe took a step towards him, a smirk spreading on her lips. “You brought me coffee?”

Chloe dropped the takeout bag on the table behind him before twining her arms around his neck, making sure to knot her fingers in the wool collar of his jacket. Her warm fingertips brushed languidly against the skin that lay underneath.

Lucifer drew in a sharp breath, trying to fight the lust creeping into his eyes. His hands didn't seem to get the memo and drifted low on her hips, itching to draw her closer.

Chloe seemed to read his mind as she leaned flush against his body and gave him a welcoming peck.

“Thank you,” she whispered into his lips.

The taste of her sizzled on his tongue. Every doubt he had about Valentine’s Day vanished. Lucifer peered down at her with a sloppy smile. His gaze swept over Chloe and drank in her divinity and grace, allowing it to wash over him like a winter storm.

To Hell with chastity.

Lucifer captured her mouth in another kiss. Deeper than the first but just as heated. Chloe's fingers tightened their grip on the back of his neck, hungrily returning it.

The passionate kisses quickly began to melt into softer ones as Chloe eased herself away, just enough to rest her forehead on his.

“Did you like the bears?” she asked breathlessly.

Lucifer chuckled and rose to meet her lips again.

“I bloody loved them. Do you truly like the coffee? It's a bit rubbish, I know I bring it every day but--”

He was cut off by Chloe's laughter pouring into his ears like honey.

“Lucifer, shut up, I love coffee. Now come on, the food is getting cold.”

Chloe unwound herself from Lucifer's body and moved to the table to rifle through the takeout bag. He watched in disbelief as she unconsciously grabbed her coffee and took a luxurious sip. It took everything in Lucifer's power not to cross himself then and there.

She flashed him another sultry glance and Lucifer knew that somehow, the coffee might actually be getting him laid tonight.

[swipestream]

The Pulp Swordsmen: Leif Langdon

A. Merritt (1884-1943) occupied the position that J. R. R. Tolkien now has. From around 1925 through 19955-60, if you asked who was the most popular fantasy writer, A. Merritt would probably be the response.

Dwellers in the Mirage was originally serialized in six parts in the pages of Argosy magazine January 23, 1932 to February 27, 1932.

The only real piece of lit-crit I could find on Merritt is in Science Fiction Writers (Charles Scribner’s Sons, 1982). I picked this book up at a library book sale maybe five years ago.

E. F. Bleiler edited the book and wrote the entry on A. Merritt. He had this to say about Merritt:

“Reputations come and reputations go, but in the fields of science fiction and fantasy there is probably no other great reputation of the past that has suffered as much as that of A. Merritt. During the 1930s and 1940’s he was widely considered the greatest science fiction writer of modern times. He even had the then-unique distinction of having a magazine, A. Merritt’s Fantasy Magazine, named in his honor. All this, of course, was in the precritical days, and today Merritt is seldom ranked among the more important the more important authors of the pulp era.”

Merritt has the reputation for a lush, ornate writing. Bleiler has this to say on his style:

“Merritt, like Marie Corelli, seemed to equate descriptions of beauty with beauty, and just as Corelli would rave vulgarly about roses, roses, roses, Merritt attempted to create a brilliant picture or sensuous mood by a frequent use of words describing color and sound. The result is sometimes a shower of terms, at best conveying a sense of the subject’s alieness, at worst almost constituting a parody of late nineteenth-century traditional verse. Yet behind all these odd mannerisms, it must be admitted, was a skilled verbalist who was well aware of what he was doing. His was not a sin of ignorance. . . His hobby was the study of mythology and religions, and he delighted in mythological syncretisms–raided, obviously, from popular works. . .For the most part this material lies heavily and inappropriately on the surface verbal texture. In a sense, one must admit, Merritt was only imitating the art forms of his formative period around the turn of the century, when, as with the British art nouveau lapidaries, a surface flash of decoration might be thrown upon an otherwise bare formalized surface.”

Robert E. Howard referred to Merritt’s verbal ornamentation as “tinsel” in a letter to H. P. Lovecraft.

Bleiler does consider Dwellers in the Mirage as “the most significant of Merritt’s science fiction novels.”

I had to laugh at Bleiler. He ridicules Merritt for identifying the Uighurs of Central Asia with the Tocharians. Bleiler excoriates Merrritt for postulating a

“Nordic, Indo-European drift, bearing with it elements of Norse religion and mythology. That he took this historical nonsense seriously is show by an unsigned article that he wrote for the American Weekly, presenting the same point of view.”

Bleiler is the one who is wrong and Merritt was correct. Jean Manco had this to say in Ancestral Journeys:

“The first Indo-European move east had all the boldness that would come to characterize the steppe nomads. A group set out from the Volga-Ural region to trek some 2,000 km (1,250 miles) to the high steppe of the Altai Mountains c. 3300-3000 B.C. “

Mummies found in the Tarim basin have red and blond hair. The clothing is plaid similar to Celtic designs. DNA analysis has confirmed a western origin. The males carry Y-DNA R1a1a, the classic Indo-European signature.

You hear of Genghis Khan having red hair. That is from these east bound Indo-Europeans before history who made it as far as Kansu, China. The Uighurs moved into the Tarim Basin after the Kirghiz destroyed their Khaganate in Mongolia. They absorbed the Tocharians and are known for often European appearance.

Tocharian Migration

Dwellers in the Mirage is subdivided into “books” which corresponds with the 6 serialized portions. The novel starts with Leif Langdon and his friend Jim, a Cherokee traveling in an out of the way portion of Alaska. They hear drums and that makes Leif think of an incident a few years before in the Gobi Desert.

Leif accompanied a scientific expedition to the Gobi. Merritt appears to have based this on Roy Chapman Andrews’ expeditions to Mongolia in the 1920s. A group of Uighurs take Leif, who is described as a tall, blond throwback to his mother’s Norwegian stock to their temple. They recognize the old blood. He is given a ring and summons a tentacular monstrosity through a large yellow stone that acts as a dimensional gate. A teenage girl is sacrificed to Khalk’ru the god. Leif flees in terror from the temple and ruined city of the Uighurs.

Leif and Jim find a valley that changes in appearance as they get closer. Entering through a heavy layer of humidity, they enter a lush, fairy forest. They discover two golden pygmies (Rrrllya) staked to the ground and tortured by moving, poisonous vines. They free the pygmies and find they speak a language related to Cherokee. In fact, they are the little people of Cherokee mythology.

There is a near escape across a river from a group of red-haired women warriors on horseback. In the land of the Rrrllya, the meet Evalie, who is a normal human. The Rrrllya appear to worship her. Eager to see the broken bridge of Nansur, Leif sees a group of the Ayjir across the river. Words ensue and Leif’s personality is taken over by Dwayanu, a former Ayjir leader in the homeland of the Gobi. Flashing the kraken ring, the Rrrllya rush him and push him into the river. Escaping the giant leeches that guard the river, Leif emerges on the other bank as Dwayanu. Lur and Tibur take him to the city of Karak.

The next portion of the novel is intrigue between Dwayanu, Lur the witch-woman, Yodin the priest of Khalk’ru. Dwayanu turns the table on Yodin in a ceremony summoning Khalk’ru.

There is a plot hole I noticed. In Leif’s first encounter with Lur in escaping across the river, he yells he does not take orders from the witch-woman. Tibur the Smith also speaks to Leif/Dwayanu as if they are old enemies. Dwayanu supposedly lived before the abomination, the desertification of the Gobi. How would he know Lur or Tibur? They know of Dwayanu through prophecy and legend but are not sure if it is Dwayanu or not.

Dwayanu has a fling with Lur who is both a warrior and controls some supernatural looking powers. He is a stunning red-head who leads a band of women warriors. Before Jirel, before Red Sonya and Red Sonja, there was Lur.

I noticed this interesting passage:

“By Zarda! But it was as it was of old–enemies to slay, a city to sack, a nation to war with and a woman’s soft arms around me. I was well content!”

Now compare this passage by Robert E. Howard from “Queen of the Black Coast” (1934):

“Let me live deep while I live; let me know the rich juices of red meat and stinging wine on my palate, the hot embrace of white arms, the mad exultation of battle when the blue blades flame and crimson, and I am content.”

Dwayanu leads an attack on the city of Sirk, which is inhabited by dissident refugees from Karak. They have had enough of human sacrifice. Merritt has a good blood and thunder sequence of the taking of the city. Evalie and Jim are in Sirk brought by a false message believed sent by Leif. Tibur the Smith gives a killing blow to Jim. Jim’s death breaks Dwayanu’s hold over Leif’s mind.

Leif settles the score with Tibur:

“I lifted my sword to slash at Tibur’s throat. I gave him no warning. It was no time for chivalry. Twice he had tried treacherously to kill me. I would make quick end. . .Before he could clench me again, my hand had swept down into the girdle and clutched the dart. I brought it up and drove it into Tibur’s throat just beneath his jaw. I jerked the haft. The opened, razor-edge flanges sliced through arteries and muscles. The bellowing laughter of Tibur changed to a hideous gurgling. His hands sought the haft, dragged at it– tore it out. And the blood spurted from Tibur’s mangled throat.”

That is about a graphic a death as ever put on paper.

Leif takes the captive Evalie back with him to Karak trying to convince her that Dwayanu is submerged in his mind and not in control. That night, Lur abducts Evalie for sacrifice to Khalk’ru.

Leif arrives with his body-guard and smashes the yellow stone portal for Khalk’ru as it tries to enter this dimension. Lur manages to kill Evalie before being taken down herself with a javelin. The novel ends with a broken Leif vowing to leave the Shadow Land despite pleas from the Rrrllya and Ayjir to rule them.

I do have to say the character of Evalie has almost no personality outside as some sort of emblem of goodness. Lur is much more interesting.

My favorite cover

This is one of the great novels of American fantasy. Avon had two paperback editions in 1944 and 1952. There was a hardback omnibus in 1952 with Face in the Abyss. Paperback Library did two printings in 1962 and 1965. One with a very cool cover. Avon again reprinted the novel starting in 1967 through 1976 with three printings.

Collier Books reprinted the novel for the last time as a mass market paperback in 1991. That is the edition I have. I think I bought it at a Half-Price Books in Cleveland in the late 1990s. I don’t remember even really reading the novel in detail but sort of scanning it. I have corrected that.

Merritt kept up with the contents of Weird Tales. He even wrote some letters to “The Eyrie.” Khalk’ru is right out of H. P. Lovecraft as the tentacle horror from another dimension who dissolves its sacrifices. A case could be made that the Nordic barbarian angle is from Robert E. Howard. Merritt would have read King Kull and Bran Mak Morn. Turlogh O’Brien came along in fall 1931. Dwellers in the Mirage was probably already written and submitted to Argosy by the time the Dalcassian axe man was in print.

Right after Dwellers in the Mirage had finished serializing in Argosy, Robert E. Howard had made a trip to the Rio Grande region of Texas in March 1932. That is when the character of Conan and the Hyborian Age came about. Coincidence?

  The Pulp Swordsmen: Leif Langdon published first on https://medium.com/@ReloadedPCGames

[someplace-that-is-else]

On to the Next: Writing Update for 7/10/17

I threw up my hands in triumph.

It had been a long time coming. I’ve been mentioning over at my Facebook page (www.facebook.com/writerguygothic) that I had been working on a spec script. Every year the writing programs would open up. Every year I would be determined to write something and enter it. Every year, my work schedules converged on me like a hurricane, cutting into my free time to the point I never seem to make deadline on any of the writing programs I was interested in.

Until now.

I happened to be off at the main job. And I sat at Lestat’s Coffeehouse in Normal Heights, working out the finer points of my spec script…which was on Supergirl. I know, I know. Of course. From there, I started to fill out my applications. There were some setbacks (no longer having Abode, spotty internet), but in the end, I was done before the midnight deadline.

It was time for a drink. Lol.

But on a serious note, it was satisfying. It has been said of writers that we do have a habit of starting projects. From there, we never finish. Whether it was a matter of time or a distraction of another project, the project you were working on never came to be. So I was satisfied that I had finished. Moreso, I got to see a side of me that I was finding that I did not see much of anymore…the motivated dreamer who was focused on one and one thing only: the writing.

What had happened to this driven man?

With that in mind…I figured it was time to take stock. Otherwise known as EDITING, WRITING, TYPING.

EDITING: A Thing About Status (Update on Phase Two)

I know I had mentioned Phase Two.

Phase Two had been what I called this year with me as a writer. The rule of thumb appeared to have been that a writer should have one foot in the world of self-publishing. Meanwhile, that other foot should be standing in the world of traditional publishing. Granted there was no right or wrong way to enjoy life in the writing world.

Renewing my old subscription to Writer’s Digest was the first step in that direction.

Surprised? So was I. How could I had allowed it to fall by the wayside? Well, life had gotten in the way. Then a day came where I woke up…and that was where my mind had been.

Over time I got used to reading it again. It was like reusing a muscle that had been idle…or learning to ride a bike again. It had given me lovely hints on how to progress my writing again in ways that I had not since I started to take my writing seriously. There were times on the bus that I would grow a grin because I learned something new.

Then came the Agents issue.

Every year, Writer’s Digest released an issue that talked about agents. There would be things like how to write a killer query letter. There would be ways to come across professionally. There were even an article about how to read through ‘Agent Code.’ Most importantly, there would be a list of agents, where they worked, and what they were looking for.

And that…was what I was looking for.

A long while again, I had completed my submission packages on my two novels: the gay novel Pictures of a Jaded Bitch and my YA horror mystery novel He Awaits. However, they had been sitting idle for months. Why? Because I wanted to try them on agents. Especially He Awaits with its dark subject matter. And now…it was time.

But…did I have it in me? I was not sure, but it was better that I at least went ahead and went for it. After all, you only live once.

So…I started to read the Agents List. I marked what I thought might be a fit. I went past what was not. However…I went to work on that List.

WRITING:  FROM BLOCK TO LOCK (Working on Crossover…and Other Stories)

When I first finished Darkchilde (the second book in the Darkened series https://www.amazon.com/Darkchilde-Darkened-2-LaTorre-Mays-ebook/dp/B01JGQ3ISE/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8), I was restless. I was not sure given how much time it took to work on it if I could write again. Or maybe I should say that I was a bit burned out on my lovely Nosferatu. I couldn’t bring myself to write to save my life after it.

That however didn’t stop me from going back to working on Crossover, my YA sci-fi novel that started as a NANOWRIMO project back in 2014. At first it was slow to get back into. And that drove me a bit crazy. Where my Nosferatu, witches, and the like’s words flowed out of me like good wine to the lips, I could not find a good writing rhythm to this new project.

I was…blocked. Worry set in. Had I been gone from it for too long?

So…I took a step back.

I went to work. I went to the gym. I played catchup on waaay too many tv shows that my co-worker wanted me to play catchup on…by the way, The 100 rocked this season. 😉 I went out dancing. I fancied a drink quite a few times.  

In a sentence…I went and lived life.

And then…one day…I came back to Crossover. And…it started to spin.

I was surprised at first. But then it occurred to me what was wrong the first time around. I had been writing for sure. But I had not put myself into it. My Nosferatu books were darkness and deep. Crossover was most definitely lighter than those. That was intentional. After all, I wanted to do something different. And yet…

…Crossover was too light. And that I guess did not sit right with me or my characters. I was only touching the surface. It was time for me to go deeper.

And deeper I went. I learned a little more about what made my main character Nick tick, things that would be important moving into the later chapters in the book. I learned more about his circle of friends, attempting to move them from being stereotypical teens. I learned a LOT about his potential love interest Mia…not to mention other potential love interest Sabrina. And the build to the dance that closed out the second section was better than I expected. Awesome!!!

Then…my Nosferatu came a-calling.

After a period of hearing nothing, the Darkenverse was calling to me again. Aidan wanted a girlfriend. Nicholas wanted to discuss his past as hinted at in my novel Darkchilde. Both demanded novellas and my time to write them.

Hm.

And just like that, the block was gone.

TYPING: Sometimes It is the Little Things

I had told my co-worker forever that I wanted to do a blog on Supergirl. I guess it was something that has been on my mind for a while in some form. My Arkansas BFF had always thought that I should be writing more to my strength. And by strength, he meant my pop culture know-how and tv show knowledge. However, the only time I’ve written anything having to do within that realm was my review of Ace of Base’s US version of their third cd. Looooong time ago.

I had finished the second section of Crossover. However, I was not ready to go back to my Nosferatu. In fact, I couldn’t decide who to talk to first: Aidan or Nicholas. And the inactivity of writing was starting to annoy.

So I turned to my blog. And I remembered that I had wanted to do a blog about Supergirl.

So…I did.

I had been a big fan of the first season of Supergirl. Season 2 was a bone of contention between me and my co-worker. Every week we went back and forth. So I sat down and started to type up my thoughts on it. And those thoughts turned into ‘Well…I Guess That’s Your Exit’ (http://someplace-that-is-else.tumblr.com/post/160597303533/welli-guess-thats-your-exit-what-supergirl). I even found memes and pictures for the points that I had.

But something happened in the process of working on it.

The idea. The concept. It was nice to put together a piece. It reminded me of the fact that I had been incorporating techniques that I’ve gotten from reading Writer’s Digest. And if I had not recommitted to a subscription maybe I would not have been so bold.

It was also nice to see that I could come up with a design. That took me back to high school when I did copy for the newspaper…something that I had not thought of in a long time. If I could do that, then perhaps I could do OTHER things…

Well…it was a good start.

And that was where I was standing in my writing life.

#writingupdate #writing #update #editing #writing #typing #blog #supergirl #seasonone #seasontwo #the100 #cw #writersblock #arkansas #newspaper #copy #highschool #writersdigest #facebook #lestat #specscript #phasetwo #agents #submissionpackage #gym #nosferatu #crossover

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My Review of My “Review”

Sorry in advance, this is going to be a decent amount of writing, but it's only because I feel like my evaluation was completely subjective by the reader. Almost every case they bring up seems to be backwards, at least to me. Not here to argue that it's perfect, of course not. But I'll dissect it and show examples of how I feel it was vastly overlooked. Overall it feels as if it was read very much at the surface level and only literal, when I intentionally wrote it was mostly allegorical and meant to have depth with most sentences. Even so that most lines change on a second reading, when you know she's fucking with him. I get there can be too much dialogue, but to pretty much say most the dialogue isn't good/needed is tough to say when it's a dialogue driven film based on MANIPULATION and COMMUNICATION. Feels very much like a "judging a fish by it's ability to climb a tree". Obviously a poor claim to make, but you slap the name Sorkin on something, people will want to devour and honor every word to an extent. Just feels like I paid for a "professional" evaluation and they immediately viewed my script as "Amateur". I feel if I'm giving you money, it should be viewed as if a professional sent it in, and professionals try to add depth and layer to their work, so to have it pretty much dismissed is very frustrating. I am more than fine with someone "not getting it" or the ideas aren't conveyed as well as I think, all for criticism.  But it seems much more like this evaluator had a personal agenda to address the things they personally did not like, which then overshadows everything else. Hopefully you can see that when you view their evaluation.

"The screenplay opens with an extremely long conversation featuring Jeff's immediate family, but aside from his mom popping up a couple times, they aren't featured heavily in the screenplay."

That's called a choice. If you're parents aren't around a lot when you grow up or they are passive, it is 100% going to affect who you are. Which is what it was supposed to be doing.

"Can come across as sexist and odd. Jeff takes to hitting Eve too easily, even getting some weird rush from it that she knew he'd get somehow. It's mentioned this is due to her spiking his wine with Ecstasy, but Ecstasy is known to have the opposite effect of inciting violence."

So then this person has never actually done drugs. Ecstasy doesn't just equal happy fun time. It's a feeling and if you didn't know you were being GIVEN that feeling, you would correlate it to the things happening around you, say THE WOMAN SEDUCING YOU. And he doesn't take to hitting easily, he's actually appalled and it happens from impulse and accident.  But then he likes it. So completely different. It's called empowerment.  If you've never felt that power, but then you are encouraged to and it feels good because you're also drugged AND with a dream woman? You're so right, any person would be able to just say no to all that great feeling, walk away easy. That's the whole point, it's a character study. It just feels insane I have to literally argue every point my script. And she knew because SHE'S SMART. Literally watch any slight thing about Manson and how he worked. Manipulation is easy as shit. It's about making a monster and then saying "But what did I do, YOU acted on it". She knows offering this opportunity to hit someone is a chance, either they take it and love it or they don't and SHE MOVES ON. It's a movie, Jesus, not trying to treat the audience like idiots. That's the point, this  boy who's extreme sheltered/lost/whatever adjective you want to use  happens to run into this. His character being given this "awakening" in his eyes, something he feels everyone should get, like in the movies he even says. That's the anglerfish part. It's a forced awakening and he doesn't realize because he's just never felt good in his life. That's why there's so much character background, you have to see how cyclical and absurdly mundane he feels the world is until he gets his own little fantasy. Case in point:

"her first couple of meetings with Jeff come across as implausible and almost read like the writer is exercising a fantasy in overpowering and abusing women, which is off putting to say the least. "

So here is where it really makes me upset. It is fantasy. But at no point has the CHARACTER Jeff expressed any of this has what he dreams about for desire, if only he could just grab that woman neck.  He's actually kind of afraid of basic intimacy, theres a whole scene showing it. It's a case of it all happens so fast and what's dumped in his lap he runs with. Of course he ends up loving it personally, but it comes from her being calculated. She is pulling the strings from the get go. SHE IS MAKING IT SEEM LIKE THIS FILM FANTASY. That's literally the point. To him it really is. And that's a big theme of the whole thing. That the world lies. Everything is too good to be true. Your fantasy, all the chance and destiny all that- nope bullshit. There are manipulative ass people on this planet and other people are their play toys. The actions of few dictates the lives of many. To someone who's never felt loved, HE WANTS THIS. He's naive and stupid in thinking the world owes him something and this is finally it.

I think it's massively unfair that the evaluator seemed to take the fact my actual name is the same name I used for the character, so therefore I must be using this to get this vicarious movie made for myself to satisfy my sickness.  It was mostly a nod to my one of my favorite films Blue Velvet, also about AGGRESSIVE SEXUAL AWAKENING. It has nothing to do with overpowering and abusing women. It has to due with power in manipulation. She's the aggressor the whole time. She has the real power, she is literally MENTALLY overpowering and abusing him. It feels insane I have to point out this straight up opposite. SHE'S A LITERAL ANGLERFISH. HIS FANTASY IS HER LIGHT and she fully knows that. And then you get to see the real monster, it's an allegory for becoming an adult. Realizing how scary it all is when you thought it'd be so grand.  How everyone lies to make your growing up seem in line with "what it should be". This is about stepping off that conveyor belt society builds for us. How can every person grow up to be a good person? Most people believe they will but everyday a new monster pops up.  I could go on with the questions raised about character and humanity, yet this person seems to think its about my woman beating and sex fantasies. A true read would show actually the exact opposite. She's not a victim. And the beginning has to be a fantasy in order to achieve the twist:

"It has a unique tone that shifts through an almost teenage sex romp into some seriously dark places, which is hard to pull off."

Seems remarkably contradicting, literally just nailing me for the whole fantasy teenage sex romp thing. The bigger the shift you want to pull off, the more you're going to have to front load it. So yeah, A Graduate-esque fantasy and self discovery seems like a pretty valid, genuine lead in from Jeff's perspective, "his view" of how this movie is going. And then LIKE MANY GREAT CRIME THRILLERS BEFORE, he's in far too deep before he can realize and it all happens so quick. HER MOVIE SWALLOWS HIS MOVIE. She know's exactly what she did. Blind him with enough love to transform him and distract him from thinking so before he knows it, he's  already"changed", her little monster. Just not what he was expecting because he's never given the option to run this path before in life.  Seems unfair for them to pretty much say we liked the end a lot but the beginning sucks, but the whole point of the beginning is to load it up for the end...  And the beginning and end are supposed to feel like two separate movies in a sense. Respect that the first part was trying to do its own thing, the point was it didn't matter, fuck your discovery boy, we're on my train now.

"The entire screenplay is too wordy, from the descriptions, to scenes that aren't needed, to scenes going on for too long, to the dialogue itself"

An entirely valid point and criticism, but to be so blunt in pretty much saying look how much shouldn't be here or should be different you idiot, and then following it up with zero suggestions... pretty bold. Especially when, as I've stated, all the dialogue is meant to be important, lend to the bigger picture. It's not some action flick, it's about people. So it is easy to widdle and shape dialogue, but just making a claim like that shows not even an attempt to look at the actual depth of the dialogue. Pretty much a different movie on a second read.

"It's a simple story that takes forever to get going."

Okay, it's literally not. It's a character study. I even put that. That's the reason why most the other characters are ancillary, they serve a purpose to Jeff's journey. If it was a simple story, I would't have spent all the time making two complex characters, because well you know, it's a character study as i've had to repeat. It's barely about the "story", its about human nature and who you become in this life and the lies of the world. Again all very allegorical.

"Uses '/' frequently in the dialogue for some reason."

I'll be honest I've mostly read and written theater and the '/' is pretty common for cutting off the sentence of the person to start yours. I guess maybe just more a theater thing, but to encounter it like it's an alien seems odd. Could've been nicer in suggesting that change. And the reason there are a lot is because if people are always talking over each other, never letting anyone finish, then lines get blurred, communication suffers- oh my god another theme. She can overpower him easily, already knowing what she wants to say. He views it as communication, where as we eventually see for her it's all manipulation.

"It's also too long, displays unsettling violence towards woman, and is unrealistic"

Length is a valid thing to comment on, sure. Unsettling violence. He hits her a few times, her pretty much FORCING him too. She makes him choke him. Not to be a dick or cocky, but if you're a handsome guy, some girls are actually very into the dominance like that, "rape-fantasy" esque by someone they trust and find attractive. That's not the push my agenda. That is reality. I've experienced it and it is well documented. So to say this really stretches the bounds of violence against women and reality seems pretty harsh. Especially when its some women who ask for it. And when once again, the whole point isn't the violence or sex. It's the power and manipulation. I even made it clear we pretty much never see them have sex, all implied, because ITS A TOOL. NOT MY FANTASY TO JUST PUT ON PAPER. The line of love, power, manipulation, a tool- literally just more themes. And unrealistic... just seems like an added little slap to put in there. Oh are all your movies either 100% realistic to the bone or just zany no rules fantasy? Has to be one? Oh ok...

"However, with a LOT of tightening up and some better focus on what actually matters in this story, it could have some chance at commercial appeal."

On what actually matters in this story?? You mean the part where it's supposed to make you think? And how it's about dark human nature and the myriad of themes I've recounted throughout this and literally not about beating woman? The label you put on it? Truly feels any depth or attempt to look at "what actually matters" was swiped aside to stick it to me and my misogynistic ways. So then what actually matters? Again, how can you make such a bold claim and follow up with not an ounce of suggestion or what you could mean, especially with this feeling of "oh I know but I won't tell you". It really feels like I got a case of the wrong person reading my script. This very much feels like the polar bottom that could've been hit with this script, and because it's my first review, no one is going to see a 4. That's fact, how the website works. I would like another evaluation without cost, I feel extremely duped. I've read countless reviews that are professional as can be, but I've never seen one seem so personal until I read mine. Look at the log line I give versus the one your evaluator gave:

Me- "A young man who's never felt anything but "lost", finds himself in an unorthodox isolation. As he faces the pressures of growing up in a modern world, one woman takes it upon herself to make sure he feels everything..."

You guys- "A depressed late teen boy starts a romance with a rich older woman who encourages him to do violent and criminal acts."

Ok so mine, implies vagueness so that you can have this seemingly fantasy awakening movie, not be fully aware of where this could develop or end up, and that makes the dark turns from nowhere really work. Your person's logline pretty much ruins most of work I did in my script. If that longline was shown off for others to read, that's a solid chunk of my hard work down the shitter. And it just shows how literal and surface level they took it in as. That's why I would like another evaluation, as it seems I got unlucky and got the wrong eyes. If a second evaluation just reinforces the first one, then I'll gladly lie down taking it. Just unfair I put so much work in the cerebral and emotional feelings of confused youth and the way words seem to work these days, but then all we're shown about being young in the "media"  is you should party and be consumers because, Hey you're young right? YOU SHOULD BE! You like cool shit and external validation, we got all sorts of stuff for you, vapid and airless but it's shiny so you'll buy it.

This is how some young people feel, you grew up into a world of lies, Life is one giant too good to be true, just live love. Maybe love isn't special, it's a cycle based on people's wants and people wanting to feel empowered. A woman could say she loves you one day and the next be gone in a cloud of dust. It's a messed up world and I was trying to show that through a unique Lense. Also a bit insulting saying how much wouldn't work or appeal but all I did was pull from the classics and greats. Badlands, Blue Velvet, Fargo Season 1, The Graduate, Spirited Away, Blood Simple, I mean I could go on.

Just overall feels like a massively disrespectful evaluation that tried to tell me what I wrote, when the reality is the reader didn't seem to take any time to think or approach with a thought that maybe there's more depth than meets the eye. Insulting when I write in the inspirations, I specifically say allegory and anglerfish and basically how its a movie about feelings and themes around a complex young man coming up into the world in an unorthodox way, not just some "simple story". This is a massive age and highly misrepresented. People are hit with bipolar and other things at this age. This shift and this time is crucial, especially in this world that's giving less of a shit day by day. Everything was a choice to lend to these feelings. While I agree I can cut dialogue, I have a hard time seeing what scenes need to be cut. I had everything for a reason, each incident inciting the next so its all tight and connected. Please let me know the steps I can take, I apologize for the rambling. Just very frustrating and hopefully you can see that when you go over my complaint. I'm not going to be told I have bad character and want to harm women when the reality is I was trying to be smart. And she's the smartest, most control person in the whole thing. I think women are infinitely smarter than men and she knew she was smarter than him. She saw exactly who he was when she first played eyes, that's why she went for him. Seriously read or watch some Manson stuff, it's true fascinating. So the claims are a bit hard to take, really seems like the opposite was taken for most things. A second eye would be appreciative and frankly necessary. It seems ridiculous these views would seem universal, as many other evaluations and reads have proved quite the opposite and fruitful with discussion, so I really feel I got a bad apple.

Please let me know if you'll be giving me one, I would like to put a revised PDF in for the new evaluation if all these "/"'s are really gonna be a sticking point. I really don't see how this situation can't be the reader was mostly offended by a woman being hit and then letting that be the only thing that matters

Hopefully you read this all and understand, not just some bot response.

Thank you for your time reading, apologies on length. But a lot needed to be said.

email back jvpielago@gmail.com