#maybe part 2 (if I ever write it) will be sadder

[jfleamont]

What do u think james would have been like as a father

Oh boy, here we go.

Anon, this might be my favourite ask ever. Ever, do you hear me? So take a seat because this is going to be a long one.

It goes without saying that he would have been incredible, yes, but in what way?

(Under the cut because it got too long)

I don't think Harry was planned, purely because of the war. If it hadn't been for that, I think he would have still wanted to be a dad, without a doubt, and a young one at that: being raised by elderly parents probably made him realise that he was luckier than his parents, because they never got to see him grow up, grow old. Little did he know...

James adored being a young dad. He loved the fun bits and the ugly bits. Harry helped him become the man he was destined to be. In the 15 months they shared together (don't worry I'll answer your question in a moment), James was forced to learn some hard truths and make tough decisions. I've always seen him as someone who had a 'black and white' mindset when it comes to right or wrong: it was simple for him, and he couldn't really understand why people did bad things when they knew they were wrong. Well, he knew why, but it only started making sense when he became a father, because suddenly he realised how much he had underestimated the privilege of being able to choose. Having a kid during a war took a toll on him and changed him, because now he was forced to decide whether he was a father first or a soldier. And it was a choice he had to make every day.

He also had to choose what kind of father he was going to be. The kind who comes back from a mission and drinks himself into oblivion, or the one who goes straight to his wife and son and despite being bone-tired and with muscles that ache at every step, he's there for them with a smile on his face. And don't get me wrong, I do believe he did get drunk and felt utterly defeated sometimes. He could have done that and he knew no one would have judged him for it, but he couldn't let the bad days outnumber the good ones.

Let's pretend nothing bad happened on Halloween 1981, and that Voldemort died and everyone got their happy ending:

James is the kind of dad who has long conversations with his babbling two year old, where he pretends to talk about politics and books and Quidditch without using baby voices.

He does use baby voices sometimes, though. Mainly when Harry won't eat his peas or when James has to change his nappy (honestly I hope wizards use them, otherwise the poor babies just have to sit in their poop until someone vanishes it). He does impressions of all his Hogwarts professors, but Harry's favourite is Filch, he laughs so much he makes James laugh too.

He sings 'Beautiful Boy' when Harry can't fall asleep, a smile painted on his face, and when Harry's brows start to relax he whispers the rest of the lyrics, brushing his hair until his eyes close and his breath becomes even (credits to this post for the headcanon).

He's an extremely concerned toddler parent, because Harry learns to run first and walk second. The little boy hates hats, and he always comes back from his walks with his hair all tangled and with leaves in it (yes, Harry dives into leaf piles before his parents can stop him). James, heartbroken, takes a bottle of Sleekeazy's and pours the product on Harry's hair, apologising the whole time.

He watches him play and talk to his toys for Merlin knows how long, hypnotised by his brilliant son.

When Harry accidentally makes Sirius' pancake float towards his plate, James picks up his son and starts dancing with him around the kitchen, singing a made up song that Sirius will mock him for every time he has the chance. By noon, James has not only decided he's going to throw a party in honour of Harry's first accidental magic, he's also decided the menu and planned every activity. He invites Fabian and Gideon and asks to bring their nephews too because the more the merrier, and that's how Ron becomes Harry's best friend.

I also thinks James would absolutely love to have a big family, so in my headcanon Harry has at least a couple of siblings. Imagine being surrounded by all those Potters... A dream for some (James) a nightmare for others (probably Petunia, who is straight up horrified the one time she pays them a visit).

James teaches Harry to fly, reads him stories every night and they even have movie nights every Wednesday, even the day after a full moon, where James falls asleep on the sofa as they watch Star Wars, and Harry goes out like a light shortly after him, head on his chest, drooling on James' shirt.

But most of all, James listens. He truly listens. He makes sure Harry never doubts his worth. He's the kind of dad who isn't afraid to show his emotions, and probably cries as Harry boards the Hogwarts Express for the first time.

When Harry gets in trouble at school for the first time, James realises that lecturing him is not that different from when he had to give out detentions as Head Boy... Except that it is, because when James has to tell him that it's wrong to put Padfoot's hairs in Malfoy's potion, Harry asks him why, and he tilts his head exactly like Lily does when she challenges him, and this kid has her eyes and James' knowing smile, but he's also clever in a way James and Lily are not, and James doesn't know what to do with this information.

Honestly, I have so many more headcanons and if I had to write all of them this post would never see the light of day, so I'll stop here and maybe I'll make a part two, who knows.

In conclusion, this James isn't a perfect dad, but he's a wonderful one. He might be too strict sometimes, and other times too lenient; he might disagree with Harry on some things, and they might fight and raise their voices. But James does everything in his power not to make Harry go to sleep angry or sad, and if it does happen, he makes sure to wake him up with a kiss on his forehead and a hug. Or maybe lots of hugs, because James is a very affectionate dad. With his parents in his life, Harry doesn't doubt for one moment that he's not worthy of being loved.

[helen-with-an-a]

could you please write some kim little angst/fluff to do with a reader with anger issues and all their walls up and kim/rest of the older members of the team having to go full captain on them?

like maybe reader snaps and lashes out at someone during training over something tiny or they get in trouble and gets worked up over it and end up punching a wall/breaking things? kim and the rest of the girls having to make them know how they’re acting isn’t okay or fair on anyone else and slowly start breaking down their walls and get back to themselves again?

Hiiiii. It's a little sadder than I anticipated but I think it works quite well. I hope you enjoy it <3<3<3

Be The Best

AWFC x Reader (focus on Kim Little)

Description: R needs to be the best. The best don't show emotion

TW: R has bad mental health

Word Count: 2.8k

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

You were a hot head. No two ways about it. You were an angry girl with even worse anger issues. Some people compared you to Katie on the pitch, but the players knew you were nothing alike. Katie might have been angry on the pitch, throwing as must gusto as possible into every match, but the team knew the moment that whistle went, it was all happy smiles and teasing jokes. But with you, the anger never stopped. There was an intensity behind you that scared most of the girls. You were quick to raise you voice and never backed away from a challenge. Maybe that was why you were the best goalkeeper in the world? At least on a technical level. You read the pitch like no one else could do – you made saves that would’ve slipped past other people’s fingers; you had an aura of ‘fuck around and find out’. You knew that the reason people didn’t acknowledge you as the greatest of your generation was because of your personality. You weren’t goofy like Mary; you weren’t charming or funny. You were deadly serious all of the time with a short fuss that was ready blow at any moment.

You knew exactly why you were like that too. You had grown up in a house where shouting and screaming was the only form of communication. You coaches skreiched obscenities at you from a young age, and eventually you started bellowing back. It was all you had ever known.

Your anger was both your shield and your weapon. On the pitch, it made you fearless. Opponents were intimidated, and even your own teammates tread lightly around you. This intensity was reflected in your play. You were always on high alert, your mind and body ready to react to the smallest movement. Your reflexes were unparalleled, and your ability to predict the opponent's next move was almost uncanny. You could dive and catch a ball that others would have missed by a mile. Every save, every block, every leap was a testament to your raw, unbridled passion for the game.

You didn’t tone it down at training either. It was something a guest trainer had told you years ago. To be the best, you had to train like every moment was like a match. There were no ‘easy’ training sessions. 100% all the time. Nothing less would do.  It didn’t help that you father was a failed professional footballer. He had played in a third-league team, he never earned the big money that most players dream of, but he had made enough to get by. And if it was for that bad tackle. He had showed you the footage repeatedly throughout your childhood – it was a horrific tackle to be fair, the opposing player had his studs up and was nowhere near the ball. It had shattered is leg completely – six surgeries later and he was back to normal, but he would never play football to a high level again. So, he turned his angry energy to you. You had been there at the match that ended his career. You were just 3 years old, but you could remember the screams, the terrifying silence of the crowd and your mother’s palpable fear. You had to be the best. He wouldn’t have it any other way.

Your emotion may have been a saving grace on the pitch, but off it … your anger isolated you. Friendships were hard to maintain when people were constantly walking on eggshells around you. You often wondered if the trade-off was worth it. Was being the best goalkeeper in the world worth the loneliness that came with it? But then you would step onto the field, and all those doubts would vanish. The roar of the crowd, the adrenaline rush, the sheer thrill of making an impossible save—it all made sense. For those 90 minutes, you were invincible, and nothing else mattered.

You were surprised Arsenal had kept you around for so long. They were always preaching about being a family, so what did that make you? The cousin no one wanted to be around? The strange long-last aunt that everyone was wary of? You weren’t too sure of your place off the pitch, but you knew what it was on it. And that was all that mattered, right?

You had a few teammates in your time at the club try to connect with you. Usually, the newer girls when they first signed. But they were quickly swept away, being pulled along by the more friendly people and they never looked back. Each time they stopped speaking to you, it hurt a little more. But you didn’t have time for pain. Pain was an emotion that stopped you from being the best. And you had to be the best.

This season, you were determined. Last season had been a flop in your eyes. You had crashed out of the Champions League on penalties. And that was entirely your fault. You had lost in the FA cup too. Which was entirely your fault. Yes, you had won the Conti cup – but you had technically let a goal in. Yes, it had technically been discounted but you had let it roll into the back of the net. You let too many goals in during the league and you finished in 3rd by some way. It wasn’t good enough. Not for you.

You had also had a disastrous season (in your eyes) for the Lionesses. You could feel Hampton and Earps’s presence lingering behind you, their breath on your neck as they aimed for the no. 1 shirt. It had been yours for a while now, but you could feel them creeping closer. You had let too many goals in during your short-lived Nations League campaign. You had let Sweden equalise at Wembley, and you had let the goals in against France. It wasn’t good enough. Your father’s words lingered in your mind. Be better. You aren’t good enough.

The summer had been horrific for you. With no friends to speak of, you were either totally alone in your flat – although that was nothing new – or with your family. Your family that constantly berated your every performance. You felt like you weren’t getting a summer. Not with the footage your father made you watch, the analysis of where you had to be better. You were in the gym almost every day. It was unrelenting. But you had to be better. Do better this season. You were fairly sure it would break you if it was a repeat of the last 12 months.

It was one of the last full training sessions before competitive matches began. The girls from the Olympics had returned, the WSL season was rapidly approaching. You had the Champions league qualifications to get through first. You couldn’t lose. Not again. You had to be better.

Although, it seemed like you were the only one feeling that way.

The training session had been … horrific, terrible, awful, horrendous. It was a training game, a full 11-sided match with all the intensity it brought. Your team was losing. Badly. Your defence was not listening to you at all. Lotte was sloppy, Leah was average. Teyah wasn’t listening and Laura wasn’t paying attention. Mariona had capitalised on two mistakes so far, and you could feel another goal would come from Cloe sometime soon.

“Tight on,” you screamed. At least Lotte actually did what you wanted. She stepped forward, engaging in a 1-on-1 battle with Lina. “Watch Frida,” you yelled, readjusting your stance – knowing a cross would come into the box. You saw the play before it happened. Lina would cut to Frida, Frida would push back to Katie and Katie would swing from outside the box, aiming for the top corner. “Cover McCabe,” you shouted to Kyra – who looked absolutely terrified of you. Now was not the time to ponder on her reaction.

You watched the ball bounce to Frida, who tapped it over to Katie, who belted it right towards the top corner. Just like you said it would do. You leapt, your fingers making contact, but it had too much power. It sailed passed your gloved hand, the net rippling behind you.

Usually, in training matches, the winning team would get a few bits of bragging rights, before everyone got on with their lives – forgetting about it by the time they made it home. But this time, you saw red.

“What the fuck, Cooney-Cross?” You rounded on the young midfielder. She paled slightly – impressive with how tanned she was after the summer. “I told you to cover McCabe. Are you deaf or just stupid?” Your voice was like a razor cutting through the tense silence. The other girls stopped, watching the confrontation with wide eyes.

Kyra stammered, "I-I’m sorry, I thought—"

"You thought? You don’t get paid to think, you get paid to listen and execute. Do your job!" You could feel the heat rising in your cheeks, the familiar pulse of anger pounding in your temples.

"Hey, calm down," Leah stepped in, trying to diffuse the situation. "It’s just training."

"Just training?" you snapped, turning your fury on her. "That’s exactly the problem. You all think this is just training. But every moment on this pitch matters. Every mistake matters. And if we don’t treat it like that, we’re going to keep losing."

Leah's expression hardened. "We’re a team. We win together, we lose together. Yelling at Kyra isn’t going to help."

"Then what will, Leah? Because whatever we’re doing right now clearly isn’t working."

The tension was thick, the air almost crackling with the intensity of your anger. The rest of the team stood in uncomfortable silence, unsure of what to do. This wasn’t the first time you had exploded like this, but it never got any easier for them to witness.

“Enough.” The Scottish accent was plenty to halt to attack. Kim was the only one you would truly listen too at Arsenal. She was your Captain. “Go to the showers. You’re done for the day.” You were being sent home? You pushed down the feeling of you heart splintering a little.

“I’m not the one-” you pressed.

“I said. Enough. Go shower and change. Wait for me in the media room. We will talk after we’ve finished here.” You set your jaw, looking down at the small Scot. She looked back at you, equally unafraid. It was a game of cat and mouse, and you knew it.

You blinked first.

Turning around, you let out a short huff and marching inside. No one said a word. The only sound was you ripping the Velcro strapped from around your wrists. Anger swirled inside you. Hot and red. But the icy pain of hurt started to swell. How could you be so stupid. You had let three goals in. During a training match. If that was what you were like when nothing was at stake, what would you be like when you had actual opponents to play, with points and competitions to play for.

The water was far too hot – leaving a scorching trail of red where it hit your shoulders. You could cry. You didn’t know the last time you actually let your emotions out in anything other way that wasn’t anger. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Your pressed the heel of your hands into your eyes. It wasn’t working. You could fell the tears start. To be the best, you couldn’t feel. You had to be the best. The best didn’t let silly little emotions get in the way. You turn slamming your fist into the cubical wall a few times. It left a slight dent, and your knuckles throbbed in a strange way. It did little to calm your seething thoughts. The sting of being sent off gnawed at you. You replayed the training session over and over in your head, each mistake glaring brighter than the last. It wasn't just frustration at the defence or Kyra's mistake. It was a deep, gnawing disappointment in yourself. You were the last line of defence. If the team couldn’t rely on you to do your job, then what use were you?

After showering and changing, you made your way to the media room, sitting alone in the dim light. Your wet hair dripped onto your shoulders as you stood in silence. You had to get a hold of your emotions before Kim came in. You had to be better. You felt your breath quicken and your heart pound. You bit your lip hard – the inside not the outside. It had become a coping mechanism for you. You used to bite your lip when you were younger, but you dad had seen at shouted at you. Biting your lip was a sign of emotion. Emotion was a weakness. Weaknesses can be exploited. So, you started biting the inside of your lip – where no one could see the scars and cuts. Where no one could see you have emotion.

Finally, the door opened, and Kim walked in. Her presence filled the room with a calm authority. She didn’t sit, choosing instead to stand opposite you, arms crossed.

“Talk to me,” she said, her voice steady but firm. “What’s going on with you?”

You stared at the floor, the words struggling to form in your throat. “I just… I want us to be better,” you managed to say, your voice barely above a whisper. “We need to be better.”

“We or you?” she asked after a moment. You knew it. You knew that she thought you needed to be better.

“I’m sorry. I know I need to be better. And I’m trying, I …” you voice cracked. Fuck.

“No, no, that’s not what I meant. Do you think that we as a team need to be better? Or do you think that you as an individual need to be better?”

You paused, “I need to be better. I know everyone thinks it. And they’re right, I need to be better.”

“Sit down,” Kim instructed, her voice softening as she gestured to a nearby chair. You reluctantly complied, feeling the tension in your muscles as you sat. Kim took the seat across from you, her eyes studying your face with concern.

“Listen,” she began, her tone gentle yet firm, “I get it. I understand the pressure you put on yourself. We all do. But you’re not in this alone. We’re a team, and that means we support each other, not tear each other down.”

You looked up, meeting her gaze. “But if I’m not the best, then who am l? I can’t let my guard down.”

Kim nodded thoughtfully. “Pushing yourself and the team is important, but there’s a difference between pushing and breaking. You’re not a machine. None of us are. We have to find balance. You can’t carry the weight of the entire team on your shoulders. It’s not fair to you, and it’s not fair to the rest of us.”

“But I’ve let everyone down,” you said, the words spilling out before you could stop them. “I’ve let goals in, I’ve made mistakes. I’m supposed to be the best, and I’m failing.”

Kim reached out, placing a hand on your arm. “Making mistakes doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human. And being the best isn’t about never making mistakes. It’s about how you recover from them, how you learn and grow. We all have bad days, bad matches. It’s part of the game.”

A tear slipped down your cheek, and you quickly wiped it away, embarrassed by the display of emotion. “I just… I don’t know how to be anything else. I’ve always been the one who’s angry, who pushes harder. I don’t know how to be any different.”

Kim gave your arm a reassuring squeeze. “It’s okay to feel angry. It’s okay to feel frustrated. But you need to find a way to channel that in a positive direction. We’re here to help you with that. You’re not alone, and you don’t have to carry this burden by yourself.”

You took a deep breath, feeling the tightness in your chest begin to ease. “I don’t know how to start.”

Kim smiled gently. “We’ll figure it out together. One step at a time. For now, just know that you’re not alone. We’re a team, and we’ve got your back.” You nodded, the weight of her words sinking in.

Maybe it was possible to find a new way forward, to be both strong and supported. For the first time in a long while, you felt a glimmer of hope. It wouldn’t be easy, but you were willing to try. For your team, for yourself. You could be better. You would be better. And with their help, you would find a way to balance your intensity with the support of those around you.

[whatsk-poppinhomies]

Pairing : Dad!Seo Changbin x F!Reader TW : heavily triggering content ; reader discretion is advised ; stillborn child ; depression ; anger ; self hatred ; isolation ; it's just really sad and angsty ; Word Count : 2.9k Request : it won the poll! Here he is! A/N : PLEASE READ THE TRIGGER WARNINGS BEFORE YOU READ THIS FIC! I CRIED WHILE WRITING THIS! THIS WAS PROBABLY THE SADDEST ONE I'VE WRITTEN, SADDER THAN FELIXS FIC. I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD DO A PART 2 FOR THIS ONE, LET ME KNOW IN THE COMMENTS. AGAIN THOUGH, READ THE TW'S I BEG OF YOU. THIS ONE IS DEVASTATING, AT LEAST FOR ME IT WAS.

“I can’t wait to hold you and hug you and cuddle you! You’re gonna be daddy’s little princess, aren’t you?” Changbin cooed as he pressed his face against your stomach, smiling when he felt the kick against his hand that had been absentmindedly rubbing circles right above where her foot was. “I’m gonna spoil you and give you the whole world, I promise… Well, maybe not the whole world, I don’t think I can do that… But, I’ll give you anything you want. You’re so precious to me already, I can’t wait to meet you…” 

You chuckled lightly, brushing your fingers through his curly locks, shaking your head that rested upon a mound of pillows. “You better keep all those promises, babe. I know she can hear you, and she’s gonna hold you to all of that. And so am I. You get to hold her and hug her and cuddle her the first week I’m out of the hospital. I’m gonna lay in bed and rest after carrying her for 9 months.”

He nodded excitedly up at you before peppering kisses along your belly. “I’ll just quit my job so I can be a super cool stay at home dad and I’ll spend so much time with her. How am I even supposed to go back to work when you and her are gonna be here? I wanna spend every single day with you two.” He pouted and you swiped your finger along his jutted out lip, giving him a soft smile to try to cheer him up. 

“We’ll be here when you get home, and before you go to work. And I’m sure that once she’s old enough, I’ll be able to bring her to the studio to see you and the guys.” He nodded his head along with your words, relaxing once more against your stomach, his buff arms wrapped around it and the silence was soon filled with the lulling sound of him humming to you and your baby girl. 

///

“Sir, we have to take her now…” 

Changbin sat in the chair beside your empty bed, holding his daughter close to his chest as tears poured down his cheeks, his body rocking back and forth. “Just a little bit longer, please…. My wife hasn’t even gotten to see her yet. Y-You can’t take her before my wife gets to hold her… Please…” He sobbed, his head dropping down to look down at the porcelain like face of his baby girl. 

“I’m… I’m sorry… Your wife is in recovery and… She won’t be awake… We can’t just let you keep her. I’m terribly sorry, we have to take her now.” The nurse repeated themselves, walking closer to Changbin. His head shook violently as his sobs became louder, his hold on his daughter tighter than it had been before. 

There was no way to describe the pain, the devastation, the anger that he felt. “I can’t… I…” He couldn’t even finish, not when he felt the stillness of his daughter in his arms, the way her skin was so colorless, she almost looked like a doll. “Just a little… I have to… I have… I… T-To say… I have to say… G-Goodbye… To her…” He stammered the words out through shaky breaths, and the nurse simply nodded, allowing Changbin to have this final moment. 

Trembling fingers gently brushed over the dark hair that covered his daughter's head, her skin felt cold against his finger tips. It was the first and the last time he’d ever get to hold her, that he’d ever get to see her. Life was cruel in its punishments that seemed to be thrown upon those most undeserving of them. What had he done? What had you done to deserve to have your newborn child stolen from you without the opportunity to even cherish her, to love her, to get to know her? 

“I’m so… So sorry…” Changbin whimpered, his head shaking as it felt against the back of the chair. His throat was dry and his eyes felt like they were on fire from crying so much. “I would have… I… The world… I would have given you the world if… if you had just… stayed here with us… Me and y-your mommy… We love you… We love you so much… You know that, right? I don’t wanna… L-Let them take you a-away from me… I just… I wanted to h-hold you… And… And hug you… And cuddle you… F-forever… And… I just… I can’t…” His breaths came more rapidly now, more labored as the seconds slowly ticked down the last little bit of time that he’d have with her. “You’ll… You’ll always be… M-My little girl… My princess… I promise… I’ll come see you… O-One day… When daddy and mommy… When we get r-really old… We’ll come s-see you… And I can… I can hold you… And love you… And hug you… And I won’t e-ever let you go… Okay…? I… I love you…” 

The door was slowly opened and the nurse quietly came over to Changbin. This was it. Once she was out of his arms, she’d be gone for good, he’d never be able to see her again, not until his final day came. How was he supposed to stay strong? How was he supposed to go on with his life at any point as if a piece of his heart hadn’t been ripped out of his chest and stolen from him right before his eyes? How was he supposed to live when simply breathing and living felt unfair? 

///

You sat in the wheelchair, Changbin beside you, one hand gripping tightly onto yours and the other holding the multitude of flowers and “Sorry” balloons that he wanted nothing to do with. Sure, people were sorry, they felt bad for what he and you had gone through, but none of them truly understood it, not until they were unfortunate enough to be put in the same situation, and for their sakes, he hoped they never would be. 

“We’ll be home soon, baby.” Changbin whispered to you, although home didn’t seem very welcoming. Not when the room across the hall from his and yours was fully decorated, a beautiful nursery for a beautiful little baby girl that would never be brought through the front door. She would never lay her head in the crib, covered by the quilted blanket that was meant to keep her warm. She would never become attached to one or many of the stuffed animals that were perfectly set up in the corner of the room. She would never be cradled in the rocking chair, rocked back to sleep during the wee hours of the morning. Neither you or Changbin would experience these things, not with the perfect little girl that you both had been waiting for. 

Flashing lights and camera shutters clicking met both you and Changbin right outside the hospital exit as you were wheeled out. You were out of it, zoning into a world, into a reality where maybe your daughter was still with the two of you. Your eyes were glossed over from the tears that you had shed nonstop. These were the images of you that would be plastered all over the internet within the next 12 to 24 hours, and that had Changbin fuming. 

“Back up! Back up!” Changbin shouted, his voice hoarse and his throat dry from having cried so much. How could people be so heartless, so cruel? They didn’t care about what he and you had just gone through. The only thing they cared about was the next story they could come out with that would make headline news. “Please, leave me and my wife alone! Go! Leave!” He continued to shout, standing in front of you as the security team tried to help push through the overwhelming amount of paparazzi. 

“Changbin! How are you feeling right now?” “When do you plan on returning to music?!” “Will your next album have songs that touch base on what you’ve gone through?” The questions were irritating, the complete lack of respect was sickening, but there was one question that had Changbin so infuriated that he couldn’t control himself. “Do you think now that you won’t have a child to worry about, you’ll be able to focus more on your music once again without the child holding you back? Do you think this is a good thing for your career?” 

It was insensitive to say the least, and he didn’t even take a second to question himself as to whether it would be a good idea to react, his fist was flying forward into the face of the man that had so stupidly uttered such a thing in his direction. “Get out of here! Go home! All of you!” He screamed, a fresh wave of tears rippling down his cheeks as he tried to move you faster towards the car. “Respect mine and my wife’s privacy. Please! God, please just leave us alone!” He continued to scream, and it seemed like the way he had responded to the man had quieted the mass amount of people. They weren’t asking any questions, but they were still taking pictures and recording you and him. They wouldn’t stop. It wasn’t their pain to feel, they would just report on it and make a quick buck off of someone else’s suffering. It was nauseating. 

///

“She… She hasn’t let go of her urn since we’ve gotten it. I don’t know what to do… I can’t take it away from her. She didn’t even get the chance to hold her… This is all she’s got… But I’m worried about her…” Changbin whispered to Chan as they sat in the living room. Changbin was a mess, but you were far worse. He had gotten to say goodbye, you didn’t even have the chance to do that much. There was a hole left in your heart that no one would ever be able to fill or even patch up. He felt guilty for being able to have that small amount of time with his daughter, for being able to have that chance that was taken away from you. “She won’t eat… She won’t even leave the bedroom. She just… She keeps crying and… And I don’t know what to do… I feel so helpless.” 

Changbins face fell into his palms, his body shaking as he silently cried into his hands. It felt like that’s all he did anymore. He just cried. There was nowhere that he could go in the house where he wasn’t hit with the stark reminder of what he had lost. “She’s grieving, Bin… Everyone does that in their own way. You both lost your child… Before you even had the chance to even have her truly. I can’t… The pain that you both feel is unimaginable, and… We’re all here for you, for Y/N. But right now, you two need each other more than anything.” Chan explained, and while Changbin nodded his head in understanding, it was easier said than done. 

It was hard to be there for someone emotionally when he himself felt like he was falling apart. “She won’t talk to me… She won’t talk to anyone. I’ve been keeping her family updated, but they’re just as worried as I am. They want her to come home for a bit for a change of scenery… What the hell is that going to do?! And what am I supposed to do if she leaves?! Stay here and… And be by myself with all of this stuff… With all of her stuff?! I can’t even go to the damn bathroom or take a shower without breaking down because the little shampoo bottles are on the tub and the… the little bath seat… and her towels and… God, it’s like… It’s like she’s here but… but I know she’s not…” 

There was no easy way to comfort anyone who went through what both you and Changbin went through, maybe there was no way to comfort the two of you at all, not right now at least. “Maybe… Maybe you and Y/N can go on a trip or something, just to get away from it all. The guys and I, we can start taking down all the stuff for when-” 

“No!” Changbin blurted out, his head shaking fast as he stared at Chan with wide eyes. “You can’t… You can’t take her stuff… That's all we have left. Just… Just give us time… We’re not ready. We lost her… We don’t want to just… get rid of her… We just need time…” 

///

“Baby…” Changbin whispered softly, his fingers brushing through your hair as you laid beside him in bed. Your daughter's urn sat on the nightstand, and while it hurt him to see it there, your reasoning for having it right beside you was too heartbreaking for him to want to move it. “Are you still awake?” He asked, feeling your body shaking ever so slightly. It was clear that you had just finished crying, he just wasn’t sure if you had cried yourself to sleep or if you had just run out of tears. 

You hummed quietly in response, taking a raspy breath before rolling over to face him. It felt like it had been ages since he got to see your face, but the puffiness under your eyes and your chapped lips had his heart breaking into tinier pieces. You looked broken, and he didn’t even know where to begin to try to help put you back together. “I’m… I’m sorry… That I couldn’t… Give you your… Perfect baby… And I’m… I’m sorry that… That the fans are m-mad at you… F-For not making music… And… And I’m sorry… That… That I haven’t been there… For you…” 

The choked out words that left your mouth had Changbin absolutely shocked, confused, and devastated that you felt that way. He didn’t even know that that was the way you were feeling, and if he had known before, he would have done his best to try to push those thoughts out of your head. “Baby, it’s not your fault. None of it is your fault. It’s no one's fault. I don’t want you to blame yourself… You still… You gave me the most beautiful baby girl, the most perfect baby girl in the whole world. God, I wish you could have seen her… I’m so sorry you couldn’t. She was… She was like an angel… She really was. She… She looked like you, I could already see it… She was beautiful, and she was already so loved… She knew you loved her…” 

“Did you tell her…? Did you tell her I love her?” You asked, and Changbin quickly nodded his head, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you against his chest. Your tears soaked through his shirt, but he didn’t care, for his own tears were falling against the top of your head and dampening your hair. It had been so long since he had held you like this, but he knew that right now it’s what you needed most. 

“I did… She knows. I told her you love her, and I love her… We both love her very much… And I’m sure that wherever she is, she can see that…” He murmured. “And I don’t want you to worry about the fans or the music. If they can’t understand, then they weren’t real fans anyway. The music can wait. You are the most important thing in the world to me. I’d give up my whole career just to see you smile again, just to try to make you happy. I’m going to be here for you as long as you need me to be, even if you don’t want me around. I love you… And we’re going to get through this together.” 

He felt your head nod and your arms wrap around him, your fingers gripping onto his shirt to hold him closer to you. “Can… Can she stay in here…? I… I don’t want her to be alone in… in that room… Not yet…” You asked, and Changbin nodded his head before kissing the top of yours and then gently laying you back down against your pillow. 

“She can stay in here with us as long as you want her to. I don’t want her to be alone either…” With his arm tucked underneath the pillow that your head lay upon, he hummed a soft tune to lull you back to sleep. It was the first night that you had gone to sleep without crying, it was the first night that you had talked to him. Now he understood what it meant to be strong, not just physically, but emotionally, for the ones that he loved. He might be breaking into bits on the inside, but he loved you too much to watch you fall apart. 

Carefully, he reached over you with his free hand, grabbing the urn off the nightstand and cradling it against his chest, staring up at the ceiling as silent tears trickled down from the corners of his eyes and across his temple, landing on the pillow underneath his head. “I’m gonna hold you, and I’ll cuddle you… And I’ll hug you… And I’ll love you forever. I can’t wait to see you again… Just wait for mommy and daddy… We’ll be there… And I’ll never let you go… Ever… You’re daddy’s little princess… And you always will be…”

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[milkytheholy1]

TMNT Masterlist

2003:

Leo:

Third base - Leo x Female Reader

Hey everyone, I currently have two requests left to do but I really want to get some stories that I personally came up with as well. I really want to try writing for different versions of the turts besides 2012 and Rise even if they are my fav versions. Sorry if the character interactions are a bit iffy in this one, I haven't seen much of the 2003 series I'm only up to season 2.

Donnie:

Drawn to you - Donnie x GN Reader

No, the tech-savvy turtle was drawn to you by your persistence, by the way you poured yourself into your work, how you understood the need to complete something no matter how long it took.

Mikey:

Turtle titan to the rescue! - Mikey x Female Reader

Okay so far warning, I haven’t really watched past season 3 of the 2003 series, I have been working my way through it though. So some characters might not sound or act like how they should from the show and I might end up getting some stuff wrong, so sorry in advance. This story will flip between 1st and 3rd person narrative.

2012:

All Turtles:

Turtle Power part 1

What if you included even more turtles in the hit tmnt movie, TMNT:Turtles Forever? This isn't an X Reader fic and takes places in the 2012 universe...well, for the start at least.

Leo:

Dear diary - Leo x GN Reader

Leo practicing how to ask them out with many many scripts for acting in front of a mirror:") or maybe they find out about his diary! You can pick

A confident strut - Leo x GN Reader

Went with the first one since it's been some time since I wrote for my 2012 boy! This is going to be set before the whole sister reveal, but I wanna make it clear that I do not ship Karai and Leo together cause that shit is gross. Enjoy!

I heard you - Leo x Female Reader

The reader,who has a crush on Leo, waits by Leo's side for him to wake up in the farm house and she is so relieved when he wakes up after months

Not traditional - Leo x Male Reader

The reader is giving Leo a whole sexuality crisis so Leo asks April if it's weird for a guy to like another guy and April reassures him that it's perfectly normal, and later that week Leo accidentally slips that he likes (y/n) and in a flash the have this little moment of understanding that they both like each other and want to be more than friends.

Goodbye Leonardo part 1 - Leo x Female Reader

I know what you're thinking, two stories in one night? This is somewhat based on the season four episode: Broken Foot. Also sorry it's so long but I had to fill in some blanks to get to the build-up of the story and sorry for the rushed ending it's currently past midnight where I'm from and I'm very tired.

Goodbye Leonardo part 2 - Leo x Female Reader

Okay, okay, you'll get your stinking part 2. This is probably one of the most requested fics I've ever done, the original intention was to leave it as a standalone fic. But, because you all seem eager for more I eventually broke and decided to do it. This is set a few years after the original and doesn't follow the episode 'Broken Foot' like the original oneshot. In my opinion, it's also waaay more angsty and it might actually be sadder than the first one. So I hope the wait was worth it, enjoy!

Donnie:

Wrong about me - Donnie x Female Reader

Donnie gets cheated on by April and (y/n) finds out and hurts April's feelings then comforts Donnie?

Hot - Donnie x Female Reader

Donnie was talking about some science stuff the last 20 minutes, but reader can't fully pay attention to what he's saying because they're just thinking about his voice, his gestures and everything. They think "don't you realize how hot you are?", but Donnie stops talking and reader realizes they just said that out loud and now they want to die.

Happy birthday - Donnie x GN Reader

it’s the reader’s birthday and the turtles just find out and they have to quickly set up a surprise birthday for the reader.

Well done science boy - Donnie x GN Reader

Had this idea in my head for a few days so thought I'd post it, I wanted to make it a shorter story than what I normally do but I got too lost in it and it ended up being just as long, oops. Hope you enjoy!

Hello nurse - Donnie x Female Reader

Literally did this so I could pull off one reference, that's all. Enjoy!

Raph:

Hots for you - Raph x Female Reader

Raph finds out that his girlfriend is bisexual?

Heard you from a mile away - Raph x GN Reader

not going to lie I had to search up what it meant, decided to do Raph since i've never written for him before in the 2012 version. So if this comes across as out of character, apologies. Anyway, enjoy!

2014/2016: Leo:

Red lips - Leo x Female Reader

“Don’t give me that face, it’s so cute I might not be able to hold back.”

Donnie:

Five years - Donnie x Female Reader

Donnie creates a portal that transports them to 2021.

Five years alt ending - Donnie x Female Reader

It’s weird how many people have asked me for them to have kids, but I guess if that’s what you guys want to see then here is a short version 2, if you will, of five years. Be sure to read the original or it won’t really make much sense, this is just the ending. Enjoy!

Life is a dream part 1 - Donnie x GN Reader

You felt the small vibrations of your phone in your pocket, pulling it out you saw Donnie was once again calling you crap, "H-hey Donnie, I promise I'm on Allen Street. I'm like less than a minute away." you panted into the device. You could hear his sigh through the speaker, "Don't worry about it, I'm just wasting valuable pop tart time." he joked, your laughter was his reward.

Part 2 - Donnie x GN Reader

Speaking of the brothers, Mikey was sat playing some video games while leaning over to slurp his coke, you could hear panting and the sounds of something being destroyed coming from the dojo Raph. Finally taking lighter steps into the lair, you could smell a sweet fragrance waft through the air Leo.

Part 3 - Donnie x GN Reader

"Do you remember that video where the cat plays chopsticks with the chopsticks?" Mikey asked, pushing aside Donnie and getting closer to your face. You flinched at his close proximity, your mind still trying to adjust to your bright surroundings. "Can we focus here?" Leo argued, pulling Mikey away from you, he securely wrapped his arm around his younger brother in case he felt the need to jump at you again.

Final part - Donnie x GN Reader

"What?" he asked, "Can I ask you something?" You pondered why you were willing to tell Raph some of your deep, dark thoughts and not someone like Donatello "It's a free country," he quipped going back to his knitting. "Right," you said, glancing down to avoid making eye contact "It's just that...do you think- feel like something is off?"

Mikey:

Parading in style - Mikey x Male Reader

So I don’t know much about pride parades in NYC but I can only imagine they’re triple the ones from where I’m from, I’m also not going to give you a description of Mikey’s human form as that can be up to you. I’ve learned from experience that everyone has a different view of these characters and it’s unfair to the reader to force them to take my view of what he could look like, so yeah he looks like whatever you want him to. Hope you enjoy!

Raph:

A cold night in new  - Raph x Female Reader

Reader's apartment building's heat went out during a really chilly spring day, so when raph comes over he's all like "why tf does she have the thermostat on 5 degrees", but then he finds her cuddled up with tons of blankets on the couch, watching tv. after turning down the volume, reader explains the situation with the heat while shivering and clutching the blankets. raph has a brilliant plan for this.

Begging - Raph x Female Reader

Bayverse Raph and his S.O get into a huge fight and he hurts her feelings and Raph found her on the rooftop crying and he asks for forgiveness

Seeing you - Raph x Female Reader

The reader feels invisible and lonely, so she confides in Raph and telling him how her current boyfriend is using and abusing her. Then later on Raph confesses his feelings for the reader but her abusive boyfriend catches the reader and raph together.

I promise - Raph x Female Reader

The reader has scars from her mother and she shows Raph while crying about them and Raph listens and comforts her.tumblr

[littledollll]

hey sweetheart :'3 I was wondering if you were taking request. If you are would you be open to do a Lucifer x little angel reader. I just love your little fic if these and I'm always looking for more if them. I think I've read them all tho. So my idea was that maybe Lucifer and reader could have a fight I'll let you decide why. Then reader decide to go hide from Lucy and our favorite god starts panicking and all. Over all just really cute stuff 😊😊💖 Thank you for reading and have a nice day bby💕

The Gardens

Lucifer Morningstars x Little!angel!reader

A/n: man i just hope this is half decent. Got a little motivated to write about this idea when I got the request which made me very excited! I rarely let us see when R isn’t regressed which is kinda the point? But I think insights like this are really fun to write! (May 6)

A/n pt 2.: finishing this July 21 at 3am, where did I go wrong? I’m so sorry I took so damn long it’s insane bc i don’t even notice time passing. I was looking back at my old fics and noticed I’m always writing R going to sleep? I love that cuz some of my friends actually call me “sleepy” because apparently I’m always tired. (I am)

Warnings: a little arguing, Lucifer says some hurtful things, not much else. Just some sweet fluff after the hurt.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

“Im the judge here. I alone decide the punishments and how souls will be handled. You might be my partner but you hold no power over me or hell. These are not your decisions to make or have a say on.” It was an angry spew of words. Lucifer doesn’t like having their authority challenged and you were the one person who could do that. For the first time, your own opinions were voiced in their work, and Lucifer didn’t seem willing to listen or like it at all.

Never in your time living in hell had you and Lucifer clashed about something so much.. it hurt, not to be ironic but it hurt like hell. Lucifer had never spoken to you in such a way. Never before had they used their intimidation tactics on you.

Lucifer being unnecessarily stubborn didn’t help at all, as they refused to actually listen to your opinion or swallow their pride and compromise. Or simply speak to you like an equal. Their words almost stung. “You have no power here.” That’s what they meant. And you couldn’t bear to listen anymore or even respond after that.

After a certain point you just gave up and walked away, leaving whatever they were about to spit back, in the dust, mid-sentence, and then ending up with a confused shocked expression. No one gets to just walk away from The Devil.

The worst part was that you wanted to run to them. As if words and a voice laced with venom hadn’t just been thrown in your face. As if they’d protect you even from their own self. They’ve always been your safe space, your comfort.. but you couldn’t, not today, not after your argument.

At first they were fine with you just walking away. They admit to being stubborn and hard to talk to.. everyone needs a little space to think sometimes, right? But then hours and more hours passed and you still refused to show.. it’s like you were hiding from them. There’s nothing Lucifer hated more than the thought of that. Did they really mess up that badly? That you, the most forgiving and lovely being they’ve ever met, simply refused them?

They couldn’t possibly leave it like that. Let you believe they think regularly of you, like you aren’t the most important being in their life, like you aren’t their special angel. So settling their pride aside accompanied with a bit of anxiety, they set out to find you.

You had gone to your safe space.. hiding away physically and mentally, letting your much calmer but also a lot sadder, little self take control.

Lucifer searched high and low for you, all around the palace, going as far as to actually ask for help looking. And thankfully it occurred in their mind that there was always one place you went when you seek comfort, and that was the little hidden gardens of the palace.

And there you were. Quietly sitting by their most recently planted flowers, daisies in fact. They always claimed those flowers suited you perfectly, not just the look, but the meaning. Which included purity, innocence, new beginnings, joy and cheerfulness. All things they saw in you. All things they loved about you. But of course there’s more, so much more that they love.

“My angel..” their voice was a complete contrast to their earlier attitude. Cautious as they approached you but still with a rush to have you close. Lucifer was unsure you’d ever forgive them, but there was no way you could possibly resent them, maybe you should have, but it wasn’t in your heart to reject them, so you let them approach without scurrying away.

Lucifer got down to your level, kneeling down on the floor and holding their hands out for you, which you immediately took, being pulled into a tight hug, their wings wrapping around you, effectively hiding you from the world just because they knew you loved it so much. They pressed a kiss to your forehead before hugging you close again. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, my sweet angel…”

Not knowing how to respond, you nodded just a little as you nuzzled close to their shoulder, basking in the warmth and comfort of their hug. “I should’ve never said that.. never. And I promise you I didn’t mean a single word of it. I’m.. I’m in no way excusing myself, and my awfully hurtful words- but I’m just not used to this, angel..”

You could understand that.. there’s no being of higher power here in hell, even in the universe actually, no one but them and the very God that created and banished them. They’re not used to being challenged or disagreed with, and ever the sinner they are also quite prideful, even as an angel. “I’ve done this alone for so long.. of course there’s other lords.. and Mazikeen. But not even they step in when it comes to my decisions, and when you did- I felt questioned. Which I recognize should be much more frequent than it is, but it’s a new thing, and I responded very wrongly to it.”

Not for a moment did the soft tone leave their voice, a mere whisper as they hugged you and refused to let go. They’d apologize for eternity if you so requested it. But even in your headspace you could appreciate them taking accountability, and recognizing that it was wrong. Not just that it caused a bad reaction from you. “I’m working on it, I promise. Your opinion does matter to me, In whatever situation, your voice matters to me.”

It hurt, of course it hurt. But Lucifer is always sincere in their word, and they were willing to work together, that’s all that mattered to you. So you quite adorably mumbled out a little, ‘I forgive’, as you rest your chin on their shoulder. And Lucifer couldn’t be happier. “Thank you, my sweet angel.. but also, you can’t hide away from me like that, tiny. You had me running all over the palace looking for you like a maniac!” They said in a more playfully, less serious tone as they chuckled.

“Let’s make a deal, yeah?.. if anything of the sort ever happens again, can I trust that you’ll be in your little room? Even if we’re a little upset at each other I always want to know that you’re safe. I understand needing a moment to decompress and think, that certainly helped me a lot today. But I’d just like to know you’re safe and that we can talk when we’re ready to, how does that sound?” You giggled as their voice took a more playful tone and you nodded, moving away a little to look at them, an adorable little smile painted on your face. “Deals!!” You said, rather excited despite the topic.

Of course you were aware that it was indeed quite possible to run into more arguments and disagreements like this, and even more that you’d slip. But knowing how much they care for you and love you, how much they worry and want you to be safe was quite reassuring that no matter what problems you ran into there wasn’t a thing you couldn’t surpass with just a little talking and cuddles.

They nodded, placing a soft kiss on your temple and deciding just then to take a moment and sit outside with you, which was rare, for reasons neither you or they could quite place. “It’s a deal then..” they replied with a soft tone, and you could hear their smile as they spoke. It was surprisingly quiet, oddly peaceful being out here with you. They scolded themselves for not doing this sooner and made a mental note for next times.

Of course your regression was still a secret and hell can be a dangerous place but the gardens are safe enough, specially with Lucifer and your hound friend who always stayed near. After a few moments, your voice interrupted their train of thought. “luci likes birdies?” The question seemingly came out of nowhere which made them chuckle a bit. “I do. What’s going on in that cute little mind of yours to ask me that, sweet one?” Their tone was obviously amused.

“No birdies in hell! Want one.. like morphi!” It seems your mind was running elsewhere, curiosity of things you always wanted to question but didn’t. “You could have one.. how about a dove? Just like you are my little dove.” Lucifer smiled and placed a little kiss on the tip of your nose, making you giggle and shy away. You were quick to nod and respond with a slight tone of awe. “Dovs pretty!”

“As are you!” Lucifer was never one to make spur of the moment decisions.. well- not at least until you came along. But how could they ever say no to you? The little angel wants a hound and a dove, so let’s get them a hound and a dove. Lucifer sighed, not in an upset manner nor exhaustion. More so in content, amused with themselves for being so susceptible to you. “Well then. Looks like my little dove is getting their own..”

[eelfuneral]

I know I seem to be writing a lot about my issues with certain aspects of how the Jedi were written lately, but I will say that I do like them over all—especially when we look at individual Jedi characters. What has been prompting my flurry of dissection of the less than nice aspects of the Jedi as an organization has been seeing a number of really uncomfortable arguments in their favor. I’m going to elaborate on this, but I’m putting it below a cut and tagging it as “jedi critical” so you can avoid it if it’s not your thing. So here is a list of fandom Jedi takes that I don’t love:

1. The insistence that the Jedi having a repressive view of emotions is nothing more than a fanon myth. Star Wars canon isn’t terribly consistent: it has a number of different writers and George Lucas is famously indecisive about his beliefs regarding canon. As a result, you have a hodgepodge of differing portrayals of Jedi, but the one that people are most familiar with is the one from the sequel and prequel trilogies. While it can be argued that the Jedi are more about controlling how you react to your emotions and avoiding harming people, especially if you look beyond the films and at other canon material, the first six films don’t do a great job of portraying the Jedi in that way. When Yoda himself has multiple lines about how certain emotions (not reactions to them, but emotions by themselves) are of the Dark Side, can you really blame people for coming to this conclusion? The same goes for the idea that they don’t *really* forbid romantic love. When you have a whole subplot involving a prominent Jedi Knight having to hide a romantic relationship or face expulsion from the Order for having a romantic relationship in any capacity, then this argument doesn’t hold a lot of water. A rule stating that “romantic partner = automatic expulsion” does not line up with the idea that Jedi only ban possessive love.

2. Having any sympathy for Anakin Skywalker means you think that he’s never done anything wrong ever. I acknowledge that rabid Anakin stans who bash every other character to prop him up are very much a thing, but I don’t believe that we need to shut down every discussion of Anakin that doesn’t paint him as an ungrateful brat who needed to stop having so many damned emotions. Anakin was intentionally written as a sympathetic antihero and later a sympathetic villain. People picking up on the sadder elements of his life and the times where he maybe didn’t get everything he needed from the Jedi Order are sniffing out intentionally placed story nuggets that are designed to make his betrayal of everyone he loved in ROTS that much harder to watch. Also, acknowledging that the Order may not have been a great fit for Anakin isn’t the same as saying that it was somehow abusive or evil. No organization, real or fictional, can meet the needs of every single person. Anakin was certainly loved and cared about in the Jedi Order, but his personality and trauma arguably made him incompatible with their lifestyle.

3. The weird vitriol at the idea of Gray Jedi. Gray Jedi were very much a thing in the legends continuity and have been a fanon staple for literal decades. A lot of people aren’t fond of this concept, because they feel that it misrepresents how the force works, particularly in current canon. That’s perfectly fine, but acting like this type of Jedi was never, ever a part of canon is silly. Insisting that it’s a cardinal sin to depict a Gray Jedi in fanworks, which exist specifically to be a free-for-all that may not be canon compliant, is just mean. You didn’t have to like every fanwork or concept, but you cannot control what other people create for fun.

4. Outright denial that the clones are enslaved by the Republic. Clones are described as “property” and “equipment”. The Republic BUYS them. They do not have a choice but to go to war and don’t seem to be paid much, if at all. When a group of people are owned, bought, and sold, they are slaves by definition. I understand that the Jedi were dealt a bad hand and weren’t in a great position to do much about the situation, but I and a lot of other people would have loved to see more instances of Jedi advocating for clone citizenship and freedom. People noticing that the Jedi could have done more for the clones are not stating that they think the Jedi were 100% okay with the situation, and it is entirely possible to acknowledge the deep Jedi/clone friendships that we see in canon while acknowledging what the Republic was doing to the clones. Justifications of the clones’ enslavement mentioning that they liked being soldiers (they didn’t know anything different) or were treated well by the Jedi (Pong Krell existed, and they were still owned by the Republic) make me very uneasy. If your defense of your blorbos reads like Neo-Confederate chattel slavery apologia retrofitted to be about pretend space people, then maybe it’s time to do a little bit of self-reflection.

5. Ableism. When you throw takes like “if the Jedi philosophy regarding emotions is so hard for you, then you are a baby or a sociopath” into the tumblrsphere, they are always going to fall and hit people with disabilities that cause emotional regulation issues. The line between stating that people should not use emotions as an excuse to harm others and outright attacking people for having intense emotions in general is one that I have seen crossed, shat on, and lit on fire in defense of the Jedi.

6. Equating criticism of the Jedi to real-wold prejudice. Saying that criticizing the Jedi is the same as being antisemitic or homophobic is uncalled for. Queer and Jewish people exist in the real world, and pretend space wizards do not. Comparisons like this are insulting because they put real-world prejudice and fandom wank over space wizards on the same level. Do better.

[completely-zoned-out]

hehe im coming to say hi here instead of the other way around :3 but omg i think it just hit me now that.... w gwangil gone that's gonna be a very long time without an ot4 comeback and part of me just wants wonsang to enlist as soon as possible so that the time will be shorter until theyre back :( but i wonder if hes working on a lot of songs to put out while theyre enlisted since hes the producer.... i could def see yechan and sangyeop doing some type of comeback or putting out new music and maybe even collabing w other kbands like they did with daybreak. i honestly just hope we still get some new music cause idk how ill survive 2 years with no new lucy music (ik ill survive somehow but ive consistently been able to look forward to amazing comebacks from lucy since i stanned in 2022 during play era so... it'll def be a change of pace) BUT YEAH EMO HOURS HERE I COME 🫠

id be interested to know what you think their plan is for enlistment era. whether wonsang is gonna enlist sooner or later and new music timeline etc!! recently also been thinking about what type of songs lucy would write for you...

yechan would make a super emotional song and ofc its gonna have a beautiful violin section in it, i feel like he could even incorporate some classical music into it and it'd be soooo pretty. but more frequently than writing his own songs for you he'd always take your requests for anything you want him to play

sangyeop would probably put you through some emotions like he'd be singing his heart out to you and after hes done he'd be his usual bright cheery self acting like he didn't just make you cry from his pretty voice

wonsang 100% gonna write an admiration song about you like he did with holly LMAO and would poke fun at your habits or your relationship together, would prob sound like an anime opening too CAUSE HES WONSANG <//3 (my bias rly showing through damn why do i have so many thoughts abt this) but knowing how many songs he writes he'd prob have a range as well with some sadder or just more emotional romantic songs

gwangil is gonna write you the cutest and most heartwarming song ever just like his song would you dance with me !! i feel like hes really into the bright and fun side of love and while his voice is rly suited for slower softer songs, he would want to make you smile with his song, not cry so he'd stray away from that vibe skdjks

man i rly love them so much 💔💔💔 lucy are the best !!

Hi :3

Seeing the photos from their schedules really made it hit home that he isn't there. Stoppp it hadn't even occurred to me that we won't be getting ot4 comeback for a while. I do hope that Wonsang goes soon, but you're right he's probably busy working on stuff that they can put out while he's gone. That would make most sense anyway. I think he'd maybe go around Dec/early next year? I'd imagine they'd want him to be there for award show season if they perform and then he'd go after that? I really hope Yechan and Sangyeop put out music or at least just do schedules while the others are away. Alot of the videos that I had seen when villain came out were just Yechan and Sangyeop, so I wasn't sure if that was them preparing us for how it will be over the next couple of years lol. I think they'll continue to thrive even as a duo, isn't N.Flying still doing well despite being down 3 members? (I haven't kept up to date with them, so I genuinely don't know. All I know is Seunghyub has been in a couple of dramas lol)

I do think we'll get another cb before Wonsang goes! Wasn't boogie man released in Dec? Maybe they'll do another one then?

Yes!! Yechan would definitely have classical or Ghibli vibes in his song! All I can think of is my warm loneliness with it's soft sound and beautiful violin solo in the middle of it. I agree, I think it would be super emotional but also really cute, I think I'd cry if he wrote me a song ahaha. I think Yechan may regret taking requests lol, I definitely would have a few

Sangyeop would be such a menace, writing such an emotional song that makes you bawl and then he'd probably have the audacity to tease you for crying after. I think his would definitely be acoustic (so that you can focus on his voice more) . I think the lyrics would be so beautiful, I NEED him to write me a song lol. I would cry if there was a key change in it, I am a sucker for a key change

Wonsang's song for Holly was so cute oh my goodness. Another song like domino would be so funny. It's such a funny song, especially with the intro ahaha. Maybe he would put funny sound bites from videos of you both in the intro, from clips of you doing the most stupid things (but he finds it endearing because he is so in love with you). Oh and the bit between the verse and chorus could be him listening off things that he loves about you (in his really cute voice 🥺)

I feel like Gwangil would write such a goofy song. I definitely think he would be able to write a really emotional song like Sangyeop, but he's not gonna show you that yet (he's waiting for the right moment because he's going to ask for your hand after, I need to stop lol). I could see it being a really cheesy song or one that's filled with stupid puns because he knows that you hate them but you love him and he's going to be annoying about it. I love how you said that he's "into the bright and fun side of love", I definitely agree with that. I agree that he wouldn't want to make you cry, I feel like his is the only one who wouldn't make you cry with his song (Wonsang wouldn't want to make you cry, but he writes such beautiful songs that I think he would do it accidentally lol)

I think I'm getting a little to in to this, I need to stop (but this will definitely be all I think about for the rest of the day lol). That was very fun to think about

How's life treating you now that it's September? Has your schedule become really busy or is it not too bad? It's definitely been weird to not be in any form of school this year, this is the first time in like 19yrs that I haven't done this (that make me feel so disgusting and old to say that ahaha). Hope you aren't too busy or overwhelmed!

[vendetta-if]

Okokok but imagine the angst of cannon MC meeting Viktor from the au where MC was the one who died 😭

I did talk about it a bit in my Discord Server like weeks ago 🥲 And somehow, it’s even sadder and heartbreaking than I thought it will be 😭 I just finished writing 2-parts side story of the angsty AU where MC died mostly from Viktor’s POV over in my Patreon, so I’m still in the angsty vibe a bit 🥺

Imagine how Viktor would feel, to see what he couldn’t in his own universe: his little sunshine all grown up. In his universe, the last time he held his child in his arms, they were still so small, just recently turned 10… and their body so cold 😭

To be able to hold them again in his arms, warm, breathing, and in the flesh… that’s something that he does not dare imagine even in his wildest dreams.

Meanwhile for MC, the last time they experienced their dad’s warm hug was in that alleyway 10 years ago, tearful and not wanting to let go, before he was taken away from them so prematurely. Since then, the only times they could experience it again is… tragically, in their worst nightmares that has been plaguing them for years.

Now, they find themself back in their dad’s arms, and this time, they don’t need to relive the same nightmare again…

Undoubtedly, it would be a tearful and moving reunion. But of course, this wouldn’t last and sooner or later, one of them have to go back and return to their rightful universe…

But before that, Viktor would beg MC not to continue looking for the killer and trying to find him justice or vengeance, because all he ever wanted and asked for is to see MC safe and continue on with their life peacefully. Just let the past die, they will tell MC. It will depend on your own MCs of course, whether they will still want to pursue the killer, or take his advice and just let go (maybe they have found another sort of closure from this experience).

Sadly, it won’t be as simple for Viktor. Despite being temporarily happy, relieved, and ecstatic to see MC again, even from another universe, he won’t still be able to let go of his anger and thirst for revenge.

On the contrary, seeing what should and could have been just fan the flame even further. MC might be able to move on with their future with the support of their family and start a family of their own with their chosen RO.

But for Viktor, MC has always been his one and only future (seeing MC growing up, being there for MC’s wedding, being a grandpa for MC’s children)… and MC has been ripped away from him so prematurely. Nothing will ever be able to fix and replace that, not even the blood of the killer…

[nottoxicfr]

Pfffff! I Didn't double check what I wrote. I meant to ask "What are your Rosegarden Headcannons?"

What are my Rosegarden head canons? Hmmmm…that’s a pretty good question. I’ve never made a list to be honest. My brain is more like a highway where my neurons activate when I think of the pairing. I'll try and cover what seems to be the foundational stuff first, then maybe get more specific?

Who falls in love first?

Oscar falls in love first, but he doesn't fall in love immediately. He get a crush on her fairly quickly but actual love only starts during the time when Oz is hiding in Oscar's mind. He has more time to think about stuff that isn't an impending death of identity, and he naturally thinks about why he likes Ruby. He has the realization of love in Salem's dungeon, which is a depressing time to realize you love someone. I like that timeframe of events because it makes Emerald interrupting the Rosegarden hug funnier and a little sadder, which I like. He just realized he loves a girl and he can’t even get a hug! Maybe he could confess to her later, but then she dies…(kind of). He's entirely devastated and barely recovers.

Ruby falls in love with Oscar second, but it’s falling. There’s not a slow descent from affection to crush to romantic love. That wouldn’t happen until after V9, though there is a certain lovely feeling to Ruby being in love with Oscar but prior to V9 just feeling like she can’t be in love the world is ending and I need to save it so I can’t be in love. I respect anyone who head canons that. For mine, I think the first big indication is writing a recurring thread of Ruby missing Oscar in the Ever After.

“Oscar would know what to do. Oscar would know what to say. Oscar would think this is weird.”

It’s incredibly important that the thoughts don’t indicate that she thinks Oscar is better than her (a perilous trap for RWBY writers of all pairings) but that she thinks he would be able to take the lead while she is free to fall apart. She wants someone else to be there and she trusts Oscar to be that person.

NSFW Questions? Y'know, like sex.

I don't really think about them having sex. Partly that's because that seems like a good policy to prevent mean behavior on my posts (I assume you've seen anti-RG rationale) but also my mind just doesn't really go that direction. It's not quite to the point of Aesexual! RoseGarden, although I enjoy that too. Most of the time that I write big consummation of romance scenes, it ends up being more about kissing or they essentially propose to each other and swap necklaces or something. Rings are a hassles! This is influenced by FFXIII...

I do think they’re the type of people to adopt and co-parent a kid while living together, but not be in a confirmed romantic relationship. They’d sleep in the same room with two beds next to each other. Eventually they’d confirm that relationship and switch to one bed, but the important thing is starting off with two beds in one room because they are not dating. I think it is 1) Funny and 2) Filled with the comfortable tension of co-habitation. It’s very Advent Children.

I’ve written them with a kid twice (unpublished), both times adopted and both times it was a Grimm that had evolved to the point of essentially being a human. Once was post-series and the other was a thing where a Grimm ate part of Ozcar’s magic and got turned into a kid between V6 and V8. I’m very fond of the second because it’s incredibly silly to me to do that at that specific time. I need to talk about that sometime.

Who is taller? That comes up a lot, right?

Oscar is taller than Ruby, but it’s close enough that it really depends on who laid down the most recently. A height difference of maybe three inches? Something that’s easy to catch up to for Ruby by wearing tall shoes and standing up straighter. I like negligible height differences.

What’s another thing people are always talking about? I don't get involved in discussion a lot...

Food?

Oscar likes coffee, but Ruby enjoys fruit smoothies. Oscar has a weakness for sour (not bitter) desserts like lemon tarts or lime sorbet, but not much of a sweet tooth. Their main point of agreement is orange cookies.

Is there any song I associate with RoseGarden?

Steven Universe's True Kinda Love, specifically the end part where Steven (Universe) is climbing up the big Injector-Thing to reach Spinel. Oscar is hardly Steven, and Ruby's no Spinel, but during V9's Peak Ruby Breakdown Time I liked to imagine Oscar climbing the Tree to reach Ruby.

Also Simple and Clean from Kingdom Hearts 0.2.

Also also Lightning's Theme from Final Fantasy XIII. It has a lot of sentimental meaning to me, but it plays under dialogue about growing up in the wake of grief. I strongly associate that with time-skipped Oscar.

Who supports the pairing the most?

Emerald and Blake/Yang are the biggest supporters of the pairing for Oscar and Ruby respectively.

I think we've discussed Emerald and Oscar as a duo before, but I'll say again that my long term hope is that Emerald and Oscar become close pals. I like to write angst and the EO duo, so I write Emerald as being aware of Oscar's plentiful sadness and also his determination to live.

On the other hand, I think Blake likes Rosegarden because she's a suppressed romantic and also because she thinks they're a good couple conceptually. She wants them to get their happy ending!

Yang supports the couple mostly because she wants Ruby to be with someone who has open arms, meaning Oscar doesn't hesitate to give Ruby his time or affection. He's also very good at detecting when she needs his attention/affection/time (mostly because he asks).

My ideal HC ending?

Oscar decides to go on a road trip at the end of the series and Ruby goes with him. His idea stems from the feeling that Oz was very familiar with Remnant’s past, but Oz has passed on now. Both Ozma and Oscar loved the world, but Ozma is gone now. There’s only one person of their duo to live in the world they love, and Oscar wants to see Remnant as it is now, and he wants to live to see the future. He wants to live!

Ruby goes with him for several reasons. She wants to see Remnant. She wants to be a hero. She doesn’t want to be the hero. She thinks she can probably do that on a smaller scale and still help the world. She thinks Oscar's likely to disappear from her world if she lets him slip away.

Together, they also share a formidable feeling that they’ve completed the major plot of their lives. They feel lost without a major goal in their world, and everyone else they know is settling into their lives in their new roles, so Ruby and Oscar bond together to take care of each other. In the short term, Ruby’s goal is to keep Oscar alive. Oscar’s goal is to teach Ruby how to drive.

In the long term, I like to imagine Ruby as a courier with a bike that she can use to zoom across continent and Oscar as…something? His day job would be like an innkeeper or a librarian, a job which stays in one place. He takes the calls for the Rose Courier Service. However, people also call for him a lot. They need help or advice or wisdom, so he isn't actually all that stationary. They both have adventure, but they also both have a place to return to.

I really like angst and AUs so I have a lot of head canons about that stuff. I tried to limit the above to what seemed most relevant. Below, I'll will do some more AU-esque head canons.

Favorite Time-Skip head canon?

I have a recurring image of Oscar walking in the desert walking past scenes of Oz's life and then being confronted by the "ghost" of Ruby standing in front of him. Sometimes he stops and sometimes he keeps moving, but it always does something.

Emerald is Oscar's most frequent friend during the time-skip, and she's the only one who knows the depth of Oscar's feelings for Ruby. After Ruby comes back, Emerald pushes Oscar into hugging her at some point.

Ruby is strongly caught off guard by Oscar running around trying to keep everyone coordinated, or by how well he's doing. For the entirety of the time-skip, they've been trying to prepare for Salem trying to destroy Vacuo. Ruby thinks Oscar takes to leadership strongly, but he is not doing very well.

One person Oscar never talks to about Ruby or his feelings is Qrow. Things go from peaceful to bitter and back again really quickly between them, and Oscar is certain being in love with one of his dead nieces wouldn't help. Qrow would just be sad about it though.

Oz is quiet more often now. There's a space between them, but Oscar is more dedicated to protecting the world than ever before so he thinks that's part of the reason. The actual reason is that Oz wants Oscar to live on his own while he can be Oscar. They're very fused together still.

If any of this interests you, please ask away! I have a lot more timeskip stuff to talk about.

Is there a head canon prompt I enjoy?

I really like writing the faux Dojo Scene 2. The Dojo Scene being Oscar asking Ruby how she deals with everything (you already know this). The Dojo Scene 2 is the much anticipated reversal, but I like writing it where Oscar dodges her questions. He's not sure how to feel around a resurrected Ruby Rose, much less answer her questions about how he is handling everything.

Favorite AUs (I just wanted to list this one)

My personal favorite is the FFXIII AU I have where Oscar is a l'Cie (meaning someone given a mission by a god to complete or turn into a monster, given access to magic and such) and Ruby (a third year at Signal) has to escort him across Remnant to awaken sleeping gods. I intend to publish this one on AO3 later on! Generally though, I really like Time Travel AUs, with Lost Parallax being a favorite of mine.

I'm very passionate about fanfiction, and that makes me a bit of an airhead when I talk about this. I'm also kind of bad at answering questions. I hope you enjoyed reading this, and I hope you feel free to ask anything ever. I love answering!!

I also submitted an ask to Chaikachi about headcanon reactions to scars, but I was so nervous about it that I made it anonymous. If you see it, that's me!

[meraki-yao]

RWRB Movie Thoughts: Emails

The emails are my favourite part of the book, partly because that is how I show affection: I write lengthy letters to my friends during their special occasions, and I keep every message of love they send me in a cherished chest. The emails detailed their growing relationship and love not only in a wonderfully written way but also in a way that speaks true and is personal to me.

That being said, I went into the movie knowing they can't do the full extent of what's in the books out of practicality: the audiobook takes like fifteen minutes to read an email, and with visual media, there has to be something on screen, and long montages don't work. I've accepted this and just was curious about how they were going to deal with it.

And I liked that part of the film! It wasn't as innovative as how the texting scene was done, but texting allows that since texting is a conversation, basically talking online, while email is not that, and is something closer to continuous monologues, so it can't be presented in the same way. What we heard was less poetic or epic than the book emails, but it was soft, sweet and adorable in its own way, and I loved the book quotes we did get: "When we’re apart your body comes back to me in dreams" & "I'll be damned but I miss you", and I do wish it was longer and we got to hear more.

But with that being said, two things I noticed:

1. From the middle until the end of the email scene. I think starting from Henry's "Wait don't they have napkins in Texas?" line, there are actually at least two overlapping audios of their emails playing, it's just one is louder and subtitled. All I could pick up from the other audio is

Alex: Dear Henry, I miss you too Henry: Dear Alex/ Affectionately

but there's definitely more, I just couldn't pick the words up. So what is the other audio??? What are the other emails ??? Are there more that was recorded but wasn't even put in the movie??? I NEED to KNOW!!!

2. We may not get a lot of emails in the movie, but when the emails were leaked, the newscaster who questions Miguel says there's 72 emails, and the British newscaster still calls them "the Waterloo letters", which means in universe, the "Hometown Stuff" email thread, with “memories are difficult", " I thought, it someone like that ever loved me, it would set me on fire", and my favourite:" A INCOMPLETE LIST: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HRH PRINCE HENRY OF WALES" with certain changes to fit the movie canon, EXIST IN UNIVERSE, even if we don’t see/heard it.

If I'm gonna stretch this point a bit further, since Henry looked so damn broken (applause to Nick here) and Alex mentions “most private and intimate thoughts", "fear and truth", and honestly as sweet as it is, I don't think the emails shown in the movie reaches the level of "most"," I imagine most if not all emails in the book still took place and were written between movie Alex and Henry with certain changes: "Paris?" during the time jump between polo and Paris, “You are a dark sorcerer” maybe after their night in Paris, "A Mass of fools and Knaves" maybe a little earlier than where it is in the book, or have the "Dear Henry, so I just came out to my mom” be the last email in that thread, "Bad metaphors about maps" between runway goodbyes and the email leaks...

I literally don’t know if this brain rot made me happy about the potential cross-universe point that is their emails or even sadder that these were the bleeding words that fucking asshole Miguel leaks to the world. Henry’s face during the whole scene breaks my heart into pieces.

But there you go, something to think about.

P.S: Also I really really really want to hear Taylor and Nick read the book emails :D

[hirik0]

Jealousy Part 4

part 1 | part 2 | part 3

09Soap/Ghost

Riley is waiting for his owner with this humen he only saw a few times. He sits next to the door where Ghost has left him waiting for what feels like dor ever. The humen at the desk is not paying him any attention. And Riley hates this. The other humans give him attention all the time why was this one so different? Riley whines to get the humens attention but the humen just shortly looks at him and then continues with what ever he is doing. Riley is a patient dog laying with Ghost at spots for hours with out moving, but waiting for Ghost to return? And not geting attention? Riley hates this. He let's out a annoyed growl before laying on the floor still not moving from the door. Some times he hears a door opening and he lifts his head from his paws but all the humens walk past him. He wishes his favourite spare human would show up but he haven't seen him in a few days.

Soap watches Riley or more he trys to finish the paperwork and ignores the dog as much as possible. He looks at the door and Riley looks at him with his big sad eyes. And Soap feels bad for ignoring Riley. Everyone in the taskforce loves Riley besides him so this probably the longest time Riley got no attention since becoming Ghosts K9. The taskforce absolutely loves this dog and Ghost at the beginning told them that Riley may not come back and not get to attached, but the sergeants fell in love with the dog instantly. They even have a fight of who Rileys favourite after Ghost is, Soap had to break up the fight and made them run laps for the rest of the day. The answer is Roach if Ghost has something to do and can't take Riley with him, the dog basicly becomes Roachs shadow. And Roach has every right ti be smug about is is now not only the go to partner on missions for Ghost he also is the same for the K9. After the 5th time Riley lifting his head Soap feels himself crumbling, somehiw everytime anyone is walking past them Rileys eyes look sadder and sadder. He can give Riley a bit of attention. "Come here Riley", he says and they look at each other for a good minute before Riley moves from his spot at the door. "Good boy", Soap praises the dog before he starts patting him hesitantly.

Riley is sceptical when the humen tells him to come but it seams like he's willing to give him attention. He carefully goes around the desk and sits at the right site of the human. Riley was never patted like this, like the humen just didn't know how to do it. Riley tilts his head to the left in confusion. Its maybe these are not best pat ever gotten, but it's still slightly besser then no attention at all. Because of the head tilt the human starts stretching him behind his ear and that gets Riley to wack his tail. Riley loves head scratches and if you ones start you have to do it till Riley has enough. The longest was 20 minutes and Roach had to change hands several times. The scratches stop abruptly and the human is retreating his hand to do desk thinks. To stop the human he puts his paw on the arm of the human. The human is saying something to him and all Riley understands is the human wants to stop giving him head scratches. Riley bits in the sleeve of the jacket the human wears, to stop him from moving away making the biggest puppy eyes.

"Riley, I need to finish this paper work." Soap says annoyed. When Riley bites in his sleeve sop goes pale and stiffens up a bit. He doesn't feel any teeth on his skin so he's sure that Riley tried to attack him. Soap looks in Rileys big puppy eyes and sighs. The problem is that Riley is correctly stopping him from using his dominant hand for writing, but he can use his other hand to give Riley attention and the other to fill out the flood of paperwork Price gave him. He moves his other hand from the desk and slowly places up in Rileys head to continue the scratching. Riley let's go if the sleeve and his tail is hitting one of the desk legs because he's happily walking his tail. The think is Soaps arms are in a very award position form him to write. So he drops the pen again and calls Riley and the uses his free hand to point on the other site of him. The dog walks behinde Soap and rests his head on Soaps leg when he reached the other sit. Soap picks up his pen again while he scratches Riley. It's slightly therapeutic to do this.

Ghost is very focused on the details of his mission. It's easy enough he and Riley get dropped of in Equador and Riley hopefully sniffs out where the lab is and he steals some intel from them. Easy he probably don't even needed Riley for this, but he is part of the mission. Not walking for weeks throw a rain forest if Riley does his job correctly could be a lot faster. "You and Riley should rest" it's all Price says for Ghost to know he's dismissed. He walks to Soaps office to pick up his dog and Riley is not waiting at the door. Ghost knows after Soap got badly mauled at a mission developed a dislikes of dogs. But he surely would not let Riley just walk of so where is Riley. Thats when he hears the slight knocking sound and when he walks in the office he sees that Riley is resting his head on Soap. And that Soap is scratching his head. Soap who has not interacted with the dog since he joined the taskforce, not ones is giving him head scratches. Ghost blinks confused before he desides thats non of his buisnessto figure out. "Good boy", Soap says very obviously to Riley but Ghost brain still needs a reboot. His face is burning getting the blush Ghost is now used too when around Soap. "Riley, heel", Ghost commands, with a firm voice and Rileys head is lift up from Soap waking his tail so fast Ghost had bever seen before. The dog is moving dutiful to his owner tail walking a lot faster now hitting the desk several times. "Thanks for watching Riley, Captain", he says to Soap before he turns around to leave the office. "No problem", Soap answers now finally able to do his paperwork in peace. When Ghost is reaching his room he falls on the bed Riley quickly following him. He hugs Riley tightly hiding his face in the fur. He's rubbing Rileys bag before he exhales loudly. Realisation is slowly creeping in to Ghost mind. Defeated he mumbles in to Riley: " This crush is getting out of hand" Riley let out a snor as answer.

[superfluouskeys]

Author Interview

Thank you @thevikingwoman for the tag!!!

1. how many works do you have on AO3?

100 💪😔

2. what's your total AO3 word count?

oh god. oh god. sdkjnfjknfknjf. 1,107,586

3. what fandoms do you write for?

tbh I really don't feel I write for specific fandoms, I move around as the wind takes me

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

Songbird -- Sleeping Beauty (Maleficent/Aurora) || 39k words maleficent finds the princess before the curse takes effect.

The Prisoner -- Sleeping Beauty (Maleficent/Aurora) || 250k words Do Not Read The Prisoner.

New Disaster -- Portal (Chell/GLaDOS) || 9.8k words post-portal 2 chell-focused character journey.

Begin to Hope -- Sleeping Beauty || Maleficent/Aurora || 16k words more trauma processing thinly disguised as a coffee shop au.

total control -- Sleeping Beauty || Maleficent/Aurora || 5.7k words god this one makes me cringe but ppl still read it sometimes. modern au. smut i am too embarrassed to reread.

5. do you respond to comments?

Except for recently when I got way too behind for various reasons, I respond to all comments unless they're like rude or something LOL!

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmmmm I had to think about this for a bit LOL bc I think I tend to favor, like, melancholy but hopeful endings. I honestly wish I could write sadder endings--there's one fic in particular that just absolutely eviscerated me and I'd love to be able to replicate that. But I tend to get invested in longer fics and want to make the ending Worth It you know, so I think you have to pull off a particular flavor of tragedy for that to be the case.

Anyway, maybe stop-time? It's uhhhhh an Incredibles 2 Helen Parr/Evelyn Deavor fic LOL Not sure how I feel abt the ending in retrospect actually but I'd say it's the least positive.

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

See above LOL, this is also hard because I think I always like there to be a little bit of a twinge in my endings! Like everything's okay but there's still a little lingering pain/uncertainty/etc. I honestly don't know on this one LOL, I think maybe The Prisoner has the happiest ending?? Because it was so long, I really wanted to resolve as many threads as possible. But now I'm ruining it with scorched earth LOL!

8. do you get hate on fics?

I've gotten a few interesting messages over the years LOL, the real ones will remember.

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

I went on an Improvement Journey a couple of years ago and now I feel my smut writing is wayyyyy better--anything before that makes me cringe out of this mortal plane. I like writing character-focused and story-driven smut.

(battling my demons rn part of me wants to write malora smut just so the only malora smut i ever wrote isn't TERRIBLE AND CRINGE but also i do not want to write malora smut do you see my problem)

10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written?

Full crossovers are tbh too much effort for me LOL--I will sometimes write, like, crossover-inspired things. The Chance You Take (DA2/Meredith/Hawke) is extremely Carol-coded, for example.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of, but I have had a couple of ideas just straight-up plagiarized from private conversations which made me pretty pissed LOL.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

No, I used to be so awkward and just avoid answering when people asked me, but now I just refuse outright.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, I'm like wayyyyyyy too much of a crazy control freak for that LOL!

14. what's your all-time favourite ship?

Ohhhhhh come on you can't ask me that LOL, it changes all the time.

15. what's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

As I mentioned recently, most of my old WIPs are pretty much abandoned at this point. Never say never, but I just don't think I'll ever muster enough interest or enjoyment to make finishing them worthwhile for me.

16. what are your writing strengths?

Natural dialogue, slightly agonizing yearning, generally describing like, specific Emotional States TM.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

Hmmmm I still think I'm working on my pacing in certain contexts, and on making stronger narrative choices/not pulling punches. I think my narrative can meander a little and I can repeat myself a bit if I don't edit enough. I also notice sometimes that because I love working within limited pov I don't always explain, like, the character's thought process well enough? So what she's thinking sometimes seems like a leap of logic looking at it from an outside perspective. But overall I think I'm a very strong writer.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

LOL I think just indicate that it's in another language unless it's like just a word or short phrase and you either explain what it means in-story or can guess from context. There are probably some very specific circumstances where you might want a small section of dialogue in another language to create a certain effect, but other than that I think it's a no.

19. first fandom you wrote for?

I mean we really don't have to unearth my whole fandom history here. Let's say it was a musical and leave it at that :)

20. favourite fic you've written?

Oh idk, I think I'll always have a soft spot for New Disaster, and more recently I really like everybody's fool (DA2, hawke/aveline) -- but it's hard to choose an absolute favorite!!!

TAG TIMEEEE: @thepapernautilus @yourlocaldisneyvillain @eemamminy-art @quinnthebard @delirious-comfort annnd i am once again so bad at thinking of fellow writers

[sunnybunnyy2]

WHAT FANFIC SHOULD I FINISH AND UPLOAD?

TUMBLR

Stranger Things

Is the Stranger Things fandom dead?

I liked the show, didn’t love it but I did write a fanfic one-shot and didn’t publish it yet.

If I were to post it, would anyone actually read it?

It’s about reader getting possessed by Vecna.

It’s only 1569 words in, and it’s from July 1st, 2022 but I’m willing to finish it if you guys will read it

Cabin In The Woods

It’s a Holden fanfic that I started December 28th, 2021 and it’s only 575 words in, but I am of course willing to finish it.

I cant really remember what exactly happens in the movie so I will have to rewatch it but I remember looking for a fanfic after I read it and their being none so I decided to do it myself.

OUTERBANKS

It’s called Tears and it was started on December 28th, 2021.

I was only 773 words into it so I’m not sure where I was going with it but I think it was a comfort fanfic, with JJ as the love interest?

But I have been aiming to do a Sarah Cameron fanfic or another Kiara Carrera one-shot because writing for girls in fluffy stories is so much easy I don’t know why but it is. Maybe it’s because I know how girls think- because I am one, and I am totally clueless when it comes to guys and what they think.

The Walking Dead

So I don’t have any started as of yet but I am in my TWD era (don’t think I ever really left) so I have SO many ideas.

So Rick, I have one where reader is a cop in the hospital and she is one of the cops they take hostage in exchange for Beth. She talks to them a lot and actually helps them get Beth. I’m not sure if I’m gonna kill Beth off, but maybe it can be prevented if reader changed the story.

Daryl, I obviously need to write another chapter for the Dark cell series (I will start tonight) but I want to get a feel of how to write romance for him so I can make a series, here AND on Wattpad. I am kind of obsessed with short hair Daryl so I would like to do a fanfic of early seasons Daryl, maybe in season one at the quarry or maybe one at the farm with a Greene reader. (You guys can request if you want smut or not)

Rosita Espinosa, you can check my Masterlist and see that I have already written a smut for Rosita that takes place after the season 9 timeskip, but I really want to write for either season 5-6 Rosita when she first arrives at Alexandria where the reader is living and they flirt and it may turn into a smut because her outfit at the party is SO underrated or season 11 Ro in her commonwealth guard outfit because omg. Also helping Rosita take care of CoCo sounds so cute, and it would turn into more of a fluff mom-mom fanfic.

Maggie Rhee/Greene, I really want to do a season 2 Maggie and reader who met at the farm (obviously) and reader is a member of the quarry group, reader wants to go look for Sophia but Maggie is out there and they go look for her together. There is flirting but no smut until part two. Or one that takes place in season 10, and reader is Maggie’s girlfriend who she meets will Hershel a few years after she leaves Hiltop (will be shown) and it’s basically her meting the rest of Maggie’s group (Daryl, Carol, etc) they are skeptically at first because they don’t want to see Maggie hurt but once they see how the reader treats Maggie, Hershel and Lydia they decide that she is a part of their group and now love you because you make Maggie so happy.

The Haunting Of Hill House

Literally my second favourite show and it’s so sad that literally no one writes for it so I decided to bring the fandom back and write for these depressed characters to make them happy, even if it’s only in my fanfic :(

Nell, you are her therapist instead of Arthur and it’s basically her and reader falling in love, and y’all know that night that Arthur…yeah.. that doesn’t happen to reader but she does collapse and has to be hospitalized and even when Nell freaks out and feels guilty you reassure her and it’s a happy ending. Then on a sadder note instead of Nell dying you call her right before she goes into the house, changing her mind about going inside so she comes to your house instead. Then for the last and saddest, at Nell’s funeral you remiss about all the happy days you had will Nell.

Luke, he needs some love and help so reader is his sponsor and has been helping him stay clean, romance sparks between them after Luke has recovered only for them to have a fight where he says hurtful things, reader leaves and Luke relapses.

Theo, a one-shot where Theo touches reader without her gloves and only sees her love for her<3

The Haunting Of Bly Manor

Dani, my little pookie. She deserved so much better. A one-shot where reader is Flora and Miles aunt (mother’s little sister) and she was helping with the kids before Dani came. Usually when someone watches the kids, reader leaves quickly after, not wanting to stay in the house longer than necessary but once Dani shows up she finds reasons to be visiting all the time. Aunt!reader again and Flora has a nightmare and begs Dani to call reader to comfort her. Reader drives to Bly and comforts Flora, not noticing how Dani is looking at her, once Flora is asleep, Dani reveals her feelings for reader. Also I have some more but if I keep going I won’t be able to stop.

Viola, to get revenge on her sister and husband she hooks up with her sisters secret girlfriend who is also hurt by their emotional affair. Story 2, Viola finds out she isn’t the only one trapped in the chest.

Jamie, reader is a decorator and is fixing up some of the rooms in the house, including the old wing, reader starts to face some possessions after angering a sprit in the home, Jamie is there to keep her safe. (This could also work for Dani)

WATTPAD

A Glimpse Of Us [This Is Us] (unpublished)

Im on chapter two of the story and love it so far, Katerina Pearson has my heart.

Puzzled Minds [The Walking Dead] (publishing on Christmas)

It’s a Dixon OC, Daryl and Merles little sister. The love interests are Beth and than after time skip Rosita. On chapter two but should be on season 3-4 by the time I publish it. Adeline is so adorable.

Two Lies One Truth. [Pretty Little Liars] (published)

Not very far but have already started another chapter. Spencer and Jason are the love interests but I’m leaning towards Spencer being endgame because she is the best lair. Winnie is an icon i don’t care.

Heart And Soul [The Walking Dead book one] [published]

OC is Carols daughter and Sophia’s big sister. The love interest is OC, and Kelly after the timeskip.

I just started season 2 and I’m not ready for Sophia’s death, it is going to heartbreaking. Nadia is by far my fav OC. She’s literally so iconic.

Ignore the typos I’m too lazy to edit this.

[sophietv]

I like your latest post intricately explaining the LSK secret family theory and such even though I'm not thoroughly convinced yet, simply because in my gaylorism playbook I put lyric analysis above everything and I believe her art and her words in melodies and songs are the ones that conveys her story in it's most truthful sense before any hints shown through clothing items or merch etc (even though they are very interesting & convincing too I must say). That is how I got into gaylorism and how I could connect to her artistry and songs as a lesbian even when PR news publications and the general public all reports about her as this boy-crazy straight woman, I knew it's not true because her songs paint this unique specific experience that gay/lesbian women go through so I believe in that more rather than some staged pap walks of her with some random famous man.

Now the question is that, so many songs in evermore and midnights talk about Taylor fearing and not wanting the marriage and family model in all it's varieties, especially the system of lavender marriage itself. One song even explicitly states how she's annoyed at being pressured into it. The daughter-in-law line in anti hero feels more like a confirmation of her fear of family to me and for Peace, I saw it more as a contemplation with herself if lavender marriage/family is something that she wants (which she then answers in lavender haze, midnight rain, champagne problems, antihero, dear reader, etc).

If theres any late stage theory between Kaylor I see it more as taylor being an outsider looking in through karlie's domestic life and being on good terms/supportive to her, and I do believe they are love of each other's lives, they'll never forget each other and they'll keep referencing each other etc etc but they also recognized they wanted different things in life (Midnight Rain, I personally think this song finalizes and marks the end of any possibility of them getting back together).

All these songs in evermore and midnights painting this picture of taylor being alone and a pariah with self loathing and feeling sorry and guilty and melancholic about her old love that is doing good creates this perception in my head that when an LSK says they both are in a happy family raising a child together it felt like all those time in 2020-2021 when toes/hetlors were trying to convince everyone taylor is in a stable happy longlasting relationship while in contrast she writes 2 albums about a disastrous falling out and a damn near divorce.

However, I do try to keep an open mind and there are some songs in midnights that could point towards the secret family theory of LSK, such as the great war, bigger than the whole sky, sweet nothing, labyrinth and glitch but idk. The sadder songs about her being alone and rejecting the family model, being a pariah, etc feels more real to me. I guess if ts11 is coming I'll know for sure when it drops. P.S: I do think that random "mom! " voice over in Dear Reader is sus as hell. Perhaps the one thing I cant get my mind off.

Oh and also if we get into any kind of LSK stuff, what are your thoughts about the two of them coming out, either alone or together? We all know 2019 taylor wanted to come out, some say karlie was also in the picture but there was lack of evidence for it I think? In Midnight Rain it says that K wanted it "comfortable", which explains marrying her beard of 7 years while T is the opposite of that, to which I believe that she'll keep dropping hairpins untill the time comes where she'll do some grand dramatic thing, maybe in the long future. I just wanna your thoughts if T or K ever decides to come out, how will it all unfold?

Hi!

Thank you for your questiond!!

I see what you are saying.

And you are not the only one. The songs are a big part of why people question LSK.

Since it's a really long and complicated answer. I already wrote a post about it here: (X)

This post about my reflexion on why I still believe in Kaylor and my thoughts about them having a family off of the public eye might help as well (X)

I don't believe that Taylor was gonna come out with Karlie in 2019. Whatever happened there seem to have had a change of plan made toward May to exclude Karlie of this.

I don't believe that this was either Karlie's or Taylor's choice.

So in 2019 when she was to come out, I believe she would have come out as bi with Joe by her side.

As for now.

Tree seems to be working really hard toward the reconcialliciation narrative.

Especially since Karlie went to the Eras Tour.

So I believe there is chances that if Taylor comes out. She does so with Karlie by her side.

Hope this answers your questions!

Don't hesitate if you have any other!

[dufrau]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @lesbianlotties 🍻thanks bud!

1. How many works do you have on ao3? 27

2. What’s your total ao3 word count? 199,090. If only I could have padded that last thing out another 1000 words i would have hit my year end goal of 200k 😭 now i just absolutely have to post at least one thing this month thats all 🤷

3. What fandoms do you write for? just ronance

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Red & White & Blue & Gold - 715

Exile - 670

Entirely On Purpose and According To Plan - 580

Nothing But The Whole Wide World - 578

I Wish I Was The Moon - 469

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Yes! If I have ever not responded to your comment I promise it was an accident I try to respond to all of them always because I love them so much.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I'm gonna go with One Too Many Mornings (and A Thousand Miles Behind) even though theres one thats definitely SADDER but I feel like this one is specifically ANGSTIER.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Honestly contrary to what many would have you believe, most of what i write has a happy ending! I guess Entirely On Purpose, maybe? That one just feels good at the end.

8. Do you get hate on fic? Not to my face!

9. Do you write smut? Yeah. I love it and I hate it. It's the hardest thing to write for me but also for some reason the thing I tend to fall back on when Im having trouble writing other things.

10. Do you write crossovers? Not so far. Ive written an AU but its not actually a crossover, really?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of 🤞

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Also not that I know of

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? No. I think conceptually this could be fun if we had a good premise, each writing one POV. But I would only try it with like a very small handful of people who first of all I vibe with but second of all who I would trust to actually write their part.

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship? I mean. Ronance.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t? I think I'll finish all of my WIPs. I don't have a lot and they're mostly gonna wind up being short so it's just a matter of doing it 🤷

16. What are your writing strengths? Hoo boy. Dialogue, I think? And like atmosphere, setting the scene, establishing a sense of place kind of stuff?

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Plot. And run-on sentences.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? If it makes sense it's fine. But I think a lot of people think it makes sense when it doesn't actually make sense? Basically if a character doesn't switch between languages often in canon it feels weird to have them do it in fic, in my opinion. It's like making up nicknames that dont exist in canon, it just pulls me out of the story.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Glee 🙃 But all evidence of that has been erased.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? My Piece of Land no doubt about it. i am so proud of it i will be bragging about it on my deathbed.

you're tagged if you want to be tagged, i will not gatekeep bragging about your fics! if you want to please do it!

[onlyjaeyun]

Honestly, I'm not even a damn singer, and if Enhypen was all you wanna feature on our song, my ass would have came up with a verse, like maybe it's just praise kink coming out, but I would want to impress who I'm working with since you think you would want your feature to add something to a song, not just sing over the original song, like this ain't karaoke babes. I feel like the perfect song length is like 3:40, not too short, not too long, but all Hybe is making lately is like 2:20, like I think they are allergic to making long good songs, the longest song on both &Team's album and Enhypen's together is 3:48, and it's not even a real song, it's the prologue Mortal. Like War Cry is even shorter than Sweet Venom, like you don't have time to jam or get into the song, you get the vibe and just boom over, give us longer songs, like it's ridiculous, not every song needs to be short so it's easier to stream. I saw a Sweet Venom line distribution video, and it was probably the worst one I've personally seen for Enhypen; like Sunghoon got like 8 seconds, Jungwon got 10, Jake got 14, Niki got 15, Sunoo got 16, Jay got 18, and Heeseung got 46. Like I get it Heeseung main vocal, but you telling me the others couldn't have each hit one of those swee-hee-hee-t venom-nom-nom. Like War Cry is somehow better distributed with 9 members, despite Fuma getting only 4 seconds, Jo who has the most only got 22. Honestly, it do seem like that, like Enhypen with Bella, TXT with Anitta, and BTS with Sia. I honestly just want one question for Hybe regarding the next comeback, Chamber 5 studio version when, since it was just a cute song, and I think we need it, like Chamber 5 mv and all, I know Sunghoon would probably hate it seeing how he hated when Sunoo picked him to perform it, but that Chamber 5 dance practice with them dressed like fruits lives rent free in my mind, and we need a studio version. Also you listening to 10 Months while writing angst reminds me how I wrote this sad fic while listening to this song called Heartbeat by Carrie Underwood on repeat the whole time. Like the song is all 'I love the way you look in a firefly glow', 'dancing to the rhythm of your heartbeat' meanwhile I'm writing "No matter how long it took, even if he never found his way back to you again, you would never love another, and your heart would always ache for him, the one you believe is genuinely your one true love."

i wholeheartedly agree with the first part! i feel like ever since not only enha's but also new jeans' debut they've been making their new groups' songs shorter and shorter but i just dont get why? there was still so much potential in sweet venom as well as bite me so why not add another verse and make the song just thirty seconds longer??? i honestly dislike this wave of short songs like let me have at least 3 minutes to enjoy ???? i cant even get into the groove bc by the time i do it's already finished?💀 but yeah, genuinely wishing for their future tt's to bw a tad bit lobger to make the line distribution a little fairer 💔 i love love love jungwon's and hoonie's voices and would have loved to hear them more but we got them in still monster so i'm super happy (plus jay got to shine a lot this time and it makes me so 🥺 bc his voice is kind of my fave? but yeah)

also personally i just know those features are nothing but a way to promote bc she wasnt bad or anything but she also didnt add anything to the song imo 😭 i liked their harmony but that's it? she didnt even get a verse (which makes sense as the so g is so short already) but looking at proper collabs from their seniors like bts x nicki minaj it's just kinda disappointing but expected atp

and omg i love listening to happy songs when i write angst bc it kinda makes me write it even sadder than it is LMAO