#maybe smalletho these days

[ty-bayonet-betteridge]

i need more people to understand how weird they are about each other <3 <3

[aoneko-lee]

"I want people to tell their children terrifying stories about the things we did for love."

[hmshermitcraft]

(smalletho and smallskall)

it started off very simple. pearl said she would ask somebody to prom on behalf of an aquaintance as they were far too nervous.

and lucky for them their promposal was accepted!

it seemed word spread fast in their little private school, because suddenly everyone was asking pearl to help them and ask their crushes out on their behalf.

so ofc pearl couldn't refuse! she wasn't heartless like that!

she would however charge you 10 pounds per promposal and enlist the help of her best friends tango and etho to join her business venture

etho wasn't gonna say no to any extra money, (and a little extra blackmail material about his friends), so he picked up as many proposals as he could

But unfortunately for him, there was some desperate guy out there that was sending a bajillion promposals to this one guy, 'joel' etho thinks he's called, and pearl found it incredibly funny to direct all of them etho's way.

so now etho was spending a good ten minutes of his life tracking down this joel and asking him to prom on behalf of this one random guy.

etho really did not understand why this guy was still asking every. single. day.

And the worst part? well, joel was now beginning to think that etho was obsessed with him! when he was just doing his job!

and even worse? joel wasn't far off! etho knows what way too much of this joel's life due to having to find him and ask him so many times

all of that is to say, etho was extremely glad when the letters stopped. he'd heard joel apparently took care of it and rejected the desperate guy in person.

etho was extremely glad his ten minutes of effort every day were no longer needed. so glad that he didn';t have to talk to joel anymore. so glad that he wasn't being called obsessed by this short egotistical guy.

oh who was he kidding? he's miserable. he just walked all the way to the other side of the school where joel's art class was to catch a glimpse of him under the guise of "using the restroom".

god maybe he was obsessed.

He tried to write it off at first. After having something to do for so long, surely it was just that? That absence, the needing something to occupy his time. Except, he's done other jobs for Pearl (luckily far simpler) and he still felt like something was missing.

Joel. Joel was missing.

It doesn't take long for his friends/partners in crime to pick up on it too. And what would his promposal business friends choose to do about it?

They ask Joel to prom. On behalf of Etho.

They even joked about how they didn't charge him.

And the worst part of it all? Joel said yes.

[smallidarityfan]

hi smalletho anon here. was wondering if you've got the clip where joel says that jimmy bites his lip when he concentrates, like the actual clip where he says that. I've seen clips of Jimmy reading Lizzie's message about it but not actually joel saying it. i cant find the stream where it happens either, i think he maybe didn't put the vod up. please help. im coming to you because your blog is the one that has done this to me. ive been consumed. ive read about 65 fics in 4 days.

sorry if this is rude ive kinda lost it x x

for you, smalletho anon, I hunted down this clip for about 40 minutes across Jimmy's stream vods

[notquiteaghost]

sometimes you write and post minecraft youtuber fic in 48 hours and that's so valid. smalletho hc10 get-together ft. it/its for etho, me drawing a subtle line btwn etho and xb and how they are the Same Dang Guy, do NOT do polycule negotiations like this at home, and aroace people can experience love at first involuntary soulmate-bonding too, as a treat

The start of a new season is always busy. There’s mining to do, and farms to build, and enchantment set-ups to construct, and no one knows where any of the rarer resources are yet. You have to decide where you’re basing, what that base will look like, if you’re setting up a shop as soon as possible or not. There’s a lot.

So Etho isn’t avoiding Joel.

Joel didn’t go on the group mining expedition, and then Etho ran into Gem and realised oh, right, Gem wasn’t on Vault Hunters and Etho really missed her, actually, so then it spends a while with her. And obviously then it has to see Iskall, and then it’s dead so it has to worry about that, and Grian sucks it into his whole fishing thing, and it kills Pearl but then it’s building a creeper farm. Because one thing about the early game it never misses is cutting down trees by hand.

And then Pearl asks how feasible it would be to set up a mailing system, and there’s maybe a few days there where Etho only leaves the nether to sleep.

So yeah, okay, maybe it’s been weeks now and it hasn’t even seen Joel yet. That’s a completely normal thing to have happened, it hasn’t seen several people, Bdubs can quit it with the pointed comments already. Joel knows where it is and he hasn’t come over either.

But then he does come over. And he leaves that note, about taking Etho’s gunpowder, and leaving the banners, and that’s. Fine. That’s fine! Bdubs does not need to physically drag it over to Joel’s base! That would be completely unnecessary, because Etho will get over there soon! Once they’ve fixed more of the mailing system’s bugs, and once Demise is wrapped up, and all the traps are disarmed, and yes the mailing system could take weeks and yes everyone basing on the mountain has been out of Demise for weeks already but shut up. Wasn’t Bdubs going to terraform or something.

Bdubs goes to terraform, leaving Etho by itself at its base. Which is what it wanted. It has building to do, while it waits for Tango to get back from Zedaph’s. Its house still doesn’t have a proper back.

Its house still doesn’t have a proper back, some amount of time later, when Joel appears over the hill.

Read the rest on AO3 here

[prudentseer]

hi!! i read your fic (the mariana trench one) and i LOVED the smalletho in it. while reading i couldn't help but let the hamster wheel thats controlling my brain says "this part reminds me of this song" and it happened a few times. so i made a playlist based on smalletho!! thank you for the amazing 16 chapters, i read them all in a single day. youre very amazing. have an amazing life, thank you!

Hello! You're my first ever ask!! Probably my own fault as I never promote my fics anywhere or tell people my asks are open (or maybe I'm just being egotistical in thinking people would want to talk to me) but either way, I'm slightly surprised you went out of your way to find me and very honoured!!

I find it hilarious that you just refer to the fic as "the mariana trench one" because you're so real for that, my titles are too goddamn long and annoying to type even for myself. So much so that I've made an oath to myself that every new fic I write has to have a title 5-6 words in length MAX.

With all that babble out of the way I'm so glad you enjoyed my fic and even more glad that you were inspired to compile an entire playlist of songs because of it!! I'm not the kind of person to relate songs to characters/fics because my music taste is too narrow for that but I've listened to the playlist and just...YES. Risk, Internet Stalking, Kiss With A Fist, etc is literally smalletho in my fic. Seeing Skinny Dipping by Sabrina Carpenter in the playlist is not a surprise to me because Chapter 13 was inspired by another fic by the name of "resistant, but going down with the ship" by @insomnya777 (you may know them from the smalletho superhero AU) which is based on the song itself.

Thank you for introducing me to more music and thanks again for reading and reaching out!! I hope you have a good one as well!

[days-until-burnout]

Day 69 (a) -

Characters - Gem, Cleo, Scar, Pearl, Tango (ft. Smalletho) Words - 462 Time - 15 mins Content - Hermitcraft | Referenced sex

"Today is a special day," Gem says, out of the blue in the middle of, well, nothing, really. She looks up from the fishing line she was spinning, not at anyone in particular, though the Hermits around her do look at her in confusion.

"Oh, well, of course it is, Gem!" Scar is quick to agree, boasting with a wide smile, before falling back into innocent confusion. "What of, exactly?"

Gem looks at Scar, looks at Pearl, at Tango, at Cleo, wonders briefly how they had ended up together, sitting in Joel's garden doing nothing. As far as she knows, they all have things to do. Materials to gather and builds to build, not counting the other miscellaneous things in between. Still…

"Today is annoy Etho day."

"Which happens every other day?" Tango laughs.

Cleo scoffs, smiling, "Every day, you mean."

"That too, that too," Tango laughs again.

But Gem shakes her head, copper curls swaying side to side, even brushing the tip of her nose. "No, no, you see, is a different Annoy Etho day. It involves Joel."

"It's a special day because you get to annoy both of them?" Cleo asks.

Gem makes a face, shakes her head again. "No. Not quite. It's… different."

Pearl joins in with a laugh too. She continues dropping dandelion petals on Gem's hair, some on Scar too, before dropping her hands in her lap, a knowing smile in her lips. "What Gem wants to say is that it's Cockblock Etho and Joel day, which is more like Cockblock Etho and Joel hour."

There is a communal sudden understanding, a waves of ah's and oh's. Gem remains determined, though, eyes fixed on the fishing line in her hands. She closes her palm on them, feeling the individual lines in her palms, letting go only to see the imprints.

"Joel was supposed to hang out with us, you know." Gem adds, almost a pout, like she needs to excuse herself and possible actions.

"Oh, don't worry. Any reason to mess with those two, count me in." Cleo adds in, placing the armor stand down she had been working on.

Gem nods, already back to full confidence with the backing of at least one hermit. Rarely does she and Cleo see eye to eye, but maybe this can be a bonding experience, if all goes well, that is.

"Okay, let's go." Gem pushes herself to her feet with Cleo following after, her lips pursed into an almost malicious smirk.

The rest follow, mostly out of curiosity that willingness to take part. Though, when push comes to shove, and shenanigans and hijinks are involved, the hermits have no qualms making their hands dirty.

Too bad for the love-birds though, Gem thinks to herself as she draws her mace.

_____

ngl. i dont think this warrants tagging anyone. so im just not going to. if you find this, you find it. if you dont, you dont 😂

[trafficlife]

smalletho fic you say?👀👀👀👀

👀👀👀👀👀👀 indeed! smalletho fic idea that hit me like a sledgehammer two days ago!

SO. etho is a skilled assassin that's tasked with killing joel, who is a very bloodthirsty vampire, because all of the other assassins died to him

and since i am too excited to keep this to myself, i'll give you a snippet from the beginning! i am a little over 1k words in and i haven't even gotten to the part where etho meets joel

Etho was a mess. Well, physically he was. Maybe mentally as well, but he’d deal with that another day. His senses were completely overpowered by scarlet blood, thick and abundant and everywhere. It was on his face, his clothes, his dagger, his victim. And now it was pooling onto the pavement, creating a thick crimson puddle for Etho to stare into. A twisted mirror, that puddle of blood was. It was a reminder of how far Etho had come. Whether or not he was proud of his progress, he wasn't entirely sure. Etho couldn’t stare at himself much longer. He didn’t want to come to regret this line of work, when he was just so good at it. He’s been an assassin for four years. And in that time, he quickly climbed the ranks, becoming sought after by hirers and potential victims that wanted to kill Etho before he killed them first. And yet, even after four years, he was still astounded by how much blood his dagger could draw. Blood dripped down from the jagged blade, dripping onto the pavement and creating a path as Etho walked away. It was a path that Etho knew extended far past his victim, past the borders of his town. He had been traveling on this path for so long, he forgot where he started, nor did he anticipate reaching an end. Get the job done, collect your rewards, and run. That was Etho’s new motto, as it was all he could do. But no matter how far he traveled, no matter how much he ran, he was just running in circles. Etho fell into a cycle with no real way to escape. Even if he stopped this line of work, it didn’t mean he’d live peacefully. He had several targets on his back and became extra cautious of potential traps and hidden assassins. It was a dog-eat-dog world and Etho knew he wouldn’t stay on top for long. But somehow, the risk of getting murdered didn’t bother Etho as much as it should. He was more concerned about if, in the future, he could deal with the bloodbath he showered himself in constantly.

[blocksruinedme]

smallidarity emp2 wip clip cause ao3 is down - "Best Buds Forever"

It's such a cute simple little fic. It should be rated T. Everyone on emp2 sees that fucking insane "best buds" mural and said "ooookay then". It's just two conversations and Joel fuming.

(I also have a 2k modern Flower Husbands wip clip up and a "smallidarity back on empires without grian" post-lim life fic. and a modern SmallEtho fic that is "joel fretting cause he doesn't have a label for his relationship with Etho")

"Best Buds Forever"

“What do you mean, he’s not my bloomin’ bo – it’s a joke, alright? Scott shut up! We’re not even really ‘best buds’, are we? It just got boring, y’know, fighting all the time. Repetitive. Too much bloody time and effort.” Joel crossed his arms and frowned at the laughing man.

Scott composed himself enough to wheeze out “And how long did you spend on the mural?”

“Shut up! That’s-” Joel hesitated. “That’s... it’s a joke. He took down everything else so I had to give him something he couldn’t, because it looked. Friendly.”

“The monument to the strength of your relationship.” Scott said smugly, though still out of breath.

“No it’s not–we were going really hard on the enemies thing, so when he stopped that, we couldn’t just be neutral or something boring. So maybe we went a little hard on saying we were besties or whatever, but it’s a joke, We’re not even really friends, are we—Scott bloody stop it! Shut up!I am going to bloody kill you, pull yourself together, stop laughing!”

“Joel, I’m sorry, this is just the funniest thing I’ve heard in weeks.” Scott still had an annoying wide smile on his face. 

Joel scowled. “Glad it’s funny for someone. No, I’m not, actually. This is stupid and annoying and you— you smell. Get out of here.”

He turned away from Scott, but didn’t leave. Neither did Scott, though he did pull himself up into a sitting position. He took several deep breaths and adjusted his hat. 

When Scott spoke again, his voice was softer. “Joel… you’re serious, aren’t you.”

Joel’s explosive answer might have scared some, but Scott was more than used to his outbursts. “Yes I am bloody serious! When did you become such an absolute idiot!”

—-

Joel had been having a perfectly reasonable day working on his base, focusing on the precision he needed for his builds. He liked building, it helped him not think about… things. Normally he enjoyed visits from Scott, but today he had come in full of even more smugness than usual. Joel hoped it meant he and Scott could make fun of someone, not that Scott was going to inflict his… Scottness on Joel. 

Scott had seen the… admittedly large mural Joel had built in Tumble Town. Joel had known people would see it, but he had to admit he hadn’t thought much about what they'd think. It was for Jimmy, after all, not the rest of them. Why would he care what they thought? 

The explanation Scott offered for his visit was to inform Joel that everyone knew about the mural and had “gotten the message” and he “didn’t need to worry”.

“Worry? What are you talking about?”

“You’ve made your claim, very clearly, and we’ll respect that.” Scott’s voice had a genuine undertone to it, making light of it all but being.. serious?

“My what? This is because of the sign? No, Jimmy can have as many buds, or whatever, he wants. It’s just a joke.”

Scott raised an eyebrow and looked at Joel in a way he very much did not appreciate. “Suuuure it is.” Joel glared at Scott and didn’t say anything, so he moved on. 

“Everyone else had ample time to actually make a move. If you’re going to be monogamous about it, we’ll stay off your man.” Scott’s silly mismatched eyes were positively twinkling and it made Joel very angry.

“My what???”

It had progressed from there, until Scott was on the ground in near hysterics.

[ethotv-archived]

the fact trafficsmp isnt scripted or staged at ALL is just. so fucking surreal. tsking halfslab/smalletho as an example - theyve had parallels and similar themes EVERY SEASON and then got paired together by the universe. hello?

like. 3rd life - two of joels deaths were to burning/lava he had his house burnt down around him and the only people loyal to him were the fucking wolves while ETHO burned to death 3 TIMES he had his home burnt down 3 GODDAMN TIMES (being alerted to this by burning wolves twice btw.) but he had friends at his back he had dogwarts even if he died digging his own grave on their grounds. big themes here are obviously fire+burning but also loyalty and recklessness

last life - joel, the first red the lone wolf he has allies but theyre tenous, superficial theyre borne out of fear or desperation or lack of options while etho has arguably THE most solid and reliable alliance in the entire game and even after losing bdubs he has cleo he has TRUST. he barely kills anyone and yet has a fearsome reputation while joel is one of the few people to see through that reputation and not be blinded by the past and literally kills etho. burning comes back but just for joel, and loyalty + recklessness is there for them both. thye learn from last life but learn VERY DIFFERENT THINGS

double life - the culmination of all their similsrities and differences, the universe quite literally binds them together until htey perish to STRENGTHEN themes of trust and futility and desolation. they die twice, once to a preventable accident, once to a joke gone wrong, and then finally, finally, they die together because of their want to stay together with the person they trust AND THEY DIE TO FIRE THEY DIE TO BETRAYAL. the ship burns everything burns indeed

um tldr. joel and etho being soulmtaes was foresgadowed since day fucking one despite being entirely improv whixh im taking as a genuine sign from the universe that this is the best sereis ever maybe

[cuuno-moved]

The Aro SmallEtho fic

(The Team Rancher sequel/prequel)

“Are you two… together?”

Joel blinked, looking up at Jimmy, who was standing by, innocently, watching Etho and Tango talk at the base of the ship. “Huh? What?”

“Are you and Etho dating?” Jimmy asked again, then his face screwed up. “Oh, nevermind, that’s probably stupid, cause, like, Lizzie-”

“No, no,” Joel waved his hand, still confused. “I’m poly, I can date multiple people, that’s not an issue. What do you mean am I and Etho together?”

“Like, are you guys…?” Jimmy looked confused now too, glancing helplessly between the two below and the man standing next to him. “I think… cause, like, Bdubs and Impulse are a couple now… and I think BigB and Ren…? So, I don’t know, I was wondering-”

“Cause we’re soulmates?” Joel scoffed. “I mean, you and Tango aren’t dating, are you?”

“I mean, we… our situation’s a little different.”

“Is it?” Joel asked, crossing his arms, challenging. “How do you know?”

Jimmy squinted down at him, opening and closing his mouth a few times like a landed fish, before looking dubiously at Etho. ���I mean, is he aromantic?”

Joel’s brain flatlined at that one, and he took a moment to stare stupidly down at Etho, trying very hard to remember whether or not the other man had ever mentioned anything like that. “...Maybe?”

“Right,” Jimmy sighed, pinching his nose bridge. “Whatever you say Joel.”

The conversation ended shortly thereafter, with a very happy Etho and a very nervous looking Tango. Joel took that as a victory and gave Jimmy one last smug look before the Ranchers departed. 

The conversation stuck with him, though. The canary had a habit of doing that, of saying something that stuck with Joel in just the right way, even though everything else he said was stupid nonscence. Something about the way he’d asked the question, like he genuinely had no idea… surely he wasn’t that dumb, they lived in a giant boat called the “Relation-Ship” for crying out loud. Of course they were dating.

But were they really?

His head hurt.

He wasn’t very good at emotions- in fact, other than Grian, he considered himself the worst in the group at emotions. He didn’t just feel things, he had to think it through first. So what did he feel for Etho?

One night, he finally got around to asking him.

It was warm out, the kind of muggy warmth that came during summer nights and kept you up, the kind that made the fireflies swarm the bushes and trees, making the dark silhouettes look like pieces of the void itself. There was a lightning storm just over the horizon, and Joel and Etho were watching it, watching the light flicker through the clouds.

“You know when Jimmy and Tango stopped by the other day?” Joel asked, abruptly. “Remember that?”

“Yeah, I remember.” Etho said, in that Etho way. “What about it?”

“Jimmy asked if we were dating,” Joel said, carefully, then added in a laugh. “Imagine that.”

“...Yeah,” Etho said, slowly. “Imagine that.”

They sat in silence for a bit longer, before Joel cleared his throat. “Yeah, I’m not sure what he was confused about.”

“Yeah, me neither,” Etho hummed, his eyes barely visible in the dim, flickering light of the storm. “...What did you tell him?”

“The truth, of course,” Joel said. “What else?”

“Mhm…” Etho ran a thumb under the bottom of his mask, along his jawline. “Right.”

It was silent again, an uneasy silence.

“... We are dating, right?” Joel asked, finally, uncomfortably. “Aren’t we?”

“I mean…” Etho shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t know if I’d call it… dating.”

“Why not?” Joel said, immediately, a bit panicked. “What- what do you mean?”

“I just mean… we haven’t gone on any dates,” Etho drawled, easily, his eye still on the light show. “And we don’t really… act like a dating couple-”

“-Sure we do,” Joel frowned. “We act like any dating couple out there. This is how Lizzie and I acted when we were dating.”

“Is it?” Etho asked, somewhat dubious, glancing briefly at the shorter man. “Alright.”

“So… we are dating?”

“Mmm,” Etho squinted. “I don’t know, but I’m leaning towards no.”

“Well I’m leaning towards yes,” Joel frowned, irritated now. “So.”

“So,” Etho turned to him, finally. “So, we’re at an impasse.”

“Rock paper scissors,” Joel said, decisively. “If I win, we’re dating, if you win, we’re not.”

Etho blinked, before laughing, shaking his head in amusement. “Sure, why not. Rock paper scissors.”

They both balled up one hand, pressing it into their palm. Then, silently, together, they bounced it, once, twice, three times, and-

“No way,” Joel hissed, glancing between their hands. “You cheated.”

“How did I cheat?” Etho asked, tilting his head, his eyes glittering in amusement. “How does one even cheat at rock paper scissors?”

“I don’t know, but you did! I declare a rematch!”

They went again, and again, and again, and every time, Etho beat Joel with ease. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to thumb wrestle or something?” Etho’s eyes squinted in amusement. “Tic tac toe?”

“Not with those freakishly long fingers of yours,” Joel snapped. “And I bet you’d cheat in tic tac toe too.”

After 6 rounds, Joel had beaten Etho once, and Etho had won every other round with ease. The victor was clear.

“You suck,” Joel spat, slouching down to the ground, crossing his arms over his chest. The storm had cleared out, leaving nothing but the faint smell of ozone in the air. “I hate you.”

“So, we’re definitely not dating,” Etho said, smugly. “Cool.”

It was quiet for a bit, before, quietly, Joel tentatively asked, “Uh, so… are you aromantic?”

“Where’d that come from?” Etho snorted, picking at some grass. 

“... I just…” Joel hummed, before forcing a grin. “Well, I don’t know, I don’t know why someone wouldn’t want to date me, otherwise.”

“You’re such a dork,” Etho chuckled warmly. “...I don’t know, actually. I’m just kind of… here.”

“Well, have you ever had a crush?”

“Uh,” The elf hesitated, narrowing his eyes slightly at the horizon. “I don’t know. I’ve dated a few people, but I’m not sure whether I actually liked them or if I was just kind of making it up.”

“Ah,” Joel hummed. “Yeah, I get that.”

“Do you?” Etho asked, but his voice wasn’t accusatory, or disbelieving. It was a question, simple and gentle. 

“Yeah, uh.” Joel shifted, uncomfortably. “Okay, I’m going to tell you a secret, the only person I think I’ve ever… actually liked… was my wife Lizzie. Other than that, I genuinely don’t think I’ve ever had a crush… Is that weird?”

“I don’t know,” Etho said, simply. “How long did you know her before you decided you actually… liked her?”

“We’d been dating for nearly a year,” Joel murmured. “It took me a year to get a crush on the woman I was dating.”

“Hm,” Etho cracked his knuckles, still not looking at Joel. After a moment, he pulled his mask down. Instinctually, Joel looked away, even though he knew the other man didn’t mind. “That’s nice at least. So… if you don’t like me, why did you ask me out?”

“I didn’t ask you out,” Joel said, only vaguely defensively. “I asked if we were dating.”

“You assumed we were dating-”

“-We live in a boat called the Relation-Ship-”

“-And who named it that?!” Etho laughed, raising an eyebrow at the smaller man. 

Joel laughed too, and they just sat there for a little longer, both grinning, both happy.

“Can I tell Jimmy we’re dating though?” Joel asked, casually, leaning back against the wall. “I just want to one- up him.”

“Christ,” Etho groaned, goodnaturedly. “Yeah, fine, you can tell him we’re dating. But I get to tell Cleo.”

“Deal.”

[days-until-burnout]

Day 29 -

Characters - Iskall (centric) & Beef Words - 376 Time - 15 mins Content - Hermitcraft

Iskall stared at his intertwined fingers, vision unfocused. His mind wandered, too many places, all lines of thoughts leading him back to one thing. One being. Joel. He breathed in then exhaled, closing his eyes as he did before opening them, staring at his fingers then looking up at the person across from him. Beef stared, unamused and uninterested. Was it that hard to get someone to care about him on this server?! It seemed so. 

“Beef, we’re friends, right? And friends help each other. You have to help me, or at least hear me out. Beef, you have to be a good friend to me.”

Beef squinted, said nothing. Iskall sighed, dragging his hands across the table to his lap as he leaned back, melting into his seat as he stared up to the ceiling. The vents and breeze buzzed around, at least filling the room with some ambient noise. He should have gone to Stress. Unlike Beef, Stress was actually a good friend, and even if she would tease him, she would at least hear him out and give suggestions while calling him a coward. Why could Beef not be a good friend like Stress?

He was a good friend, unlike other people, so he gave Beef another chance, even if he was running out of patience himself. He inhaled and exhaled one more time, blinked his eyes back to Beef. 

“You know Etho, right? You’ve been buddies for years now. It’s a fair assumption to say you know him.” He started, slowly, carefully. Maybe if he said the right words, maybe then Beef would help him. Likely, surely. “I just… Look, I’m not asking for much. Okay? Just, just a couple questions. Simple information. Can you give me that, Beef? Just some answers to my innocent questions. Can you do that, for me? Please?”

Beef squinted again. 

“I just need you to tell me what does Etho have that I don’t! Why does Yoels chase him and not me?! What is so special about him? Wasn’t– Isn’t he washed up or something?!”

Beef rolled his eyes. 

Iskall was not going to take the gag nor free him from the chair until he got his answers. He had all the time in the server. 

_____

i could not for the love of me think of anything to write. my original idea was too long for the amount of braincells i have right now (which is 0) (also why it's relatively short this time). but i also wanted smalletho, but didnt feel like writing smalletho. anyhow, we cope

[days-until-burnout]

End of month (1) update -

(yes, i should've started this at the start of the month, but i lack thinking)

Total Words - 35,710 Total Time - 1,323 mins (22 hrs & 3 mins) Days Missed - 1

Break start -

I will be taking a week off (yes, yes, it goes against the 'days until burnout' gimmick, but trust me, I will still be writing during, and I'll probably update on that when I announce my return). Feel free to send more requests, or whatever you feel like doing. I'm not the boss of you. See yall in seven (7) days!

and for some reflection (it's long, don't feel obligated to read):

i spent almost a full day. that's- that's honestly wild. i think my 'latest' feat was 10k in 8hrs? so, it's not that far off huh. but genuinely, 35.7k in a month is crazy. where was this kind of commitment when i needed it for events lmao. there is 5 more months left of the year. that's going to be some crazy stats. though, i suppose it's not that crazy since i don't really edit or really think while typing? but like, it's still crazy, but not crazy crazy. right? but like, also, this is how i write most of the time? even my 'edited' fics are mostly grammar checks while the body stays mostly the same. is that good? is that bad? i have absolutely no idea

in my current stage as a writer, i don't know if i should be more deliberate with my wording or if i should stop thinking and just get to writing. i feel like i'm in a weird in between, and it's honestly... eh? that's the best way to explain it. not good, not bad, just unsure. like, i know i can do better, probably? that's always something to aim for, right? to be better

which, probably should be something i should think about because i feel like my writing is very stale and similar? but then i don't want to perfect my craft because it's supposed to be fun, but also i want to get better at it, but also i don't, but then i do. and it's honestly a cycle of i don't know what to do. fun fact, actually, these limbo thoughts are the exact reason i have not gotten a beta. i think i did it once? but it was, i don't know, not a beta where i learnt anything new? not saying it was bad, but ehhhhh. it just was. i don't know. one day maybe i'll get someone to beta my work and see what happens, until then, i will continue to hoard my editing (not for this account though lmao no editing here)

consistently writing for (i will just say a month) has been interesting, honestly. the people who know me know that i'm not consistent at all. and i would've probably quit this, or not even started had it not been for a friend just enabling me. it's an odd, yet rewarding experience for sure. for now, i guess, it's just a matter of seeing how long this goes for

aside from that, i do have to push myself to write different characters. i tried on the last couple days, but it's hard to step out of a comfort zone, i guess. this circles back to earlier. by now, i probably should be better at character voice and such, but i don't feel like i have it down. mostly smalletho, but even ranchers. people say they are fun, i've had people say they like it, some even said it's their favourite interpretation. but there is always a wall of separation, in a sense. i'm the first to say 'characterize the blorbo however you want to characterize them'. but the doubt comes every now and then

on the other hand, i wouldn't mind writing the same blorbos over and over. but i know i can't do that, because that will just speed up burnout. to be honest, though, it's just a matter of balance, which is something i'm not particularly good at. but we cope, we push on. it is what it is, and that's fine sometimes

anyways lol i wrote almost 600 words in who knows how long. i like my ramblings. here is to more writing days 🥂

[blocksruinedme]

SmallEtho wip clip cause ao3's down

[final fic! The Hangover Brunch ]

This is my fourth. I certainly hope ao3 will be up come tuesday afternoon, if not I'll put out more fic bits.

This one was supposed to be for @smallethoweek, back in january. I have two wips from that week that I still plan to publish! They are college larpers, they met playing a larp called "double life" and started hooking up. It's a few weeks later and they are hooking up all the time.

The final fic will be, I think, barely M. I don't love the title and i hope to be struck with inspiration.

(I also have a 2k modern Flower Husbands wip clip up and a "smallidarity back on empires without grian" post-lim life fic, and a silly smallidarity emp s2 one.)

"The Hangover Brunch" by BlocksRuinedMe

Thinking about the ongoing, and perhaps eternal, ambiguity around the nature of his relationship with Etho made Joel anxious, so he tried to limit how much he let himself dwell. He wasn’t very successful, but he kept trying because he couldn’t see a better option. The one time he’d tried to discuss it with Etho had been unpleasant and ended with Joel very drunk and making questionable decisions, sure he had been thoroughly and permanently dumped. It was still unclear to Joel (and he wasn’t about to ask) what Etho thought had happened, if he even thought there had been a fight, because he texted Joel two days later as if nothing had changed. Joel was relieved to be able to slip back into whatever-they-had-going-on as if nothing had happened, and privately swore to not bring it up again, regardless of how many times his friends asked him to. He was sure it would get sorted out eventually, one way or another. The (perhaps imagined) breakup had left Joel very clear that he wanted whatever he could get from Etho. He didn’t see any reason to risk losing what he was getting and his hopes for the future.  

The anxiety about Etho was usually easiest to push away when he was with Etho. Joel didn’t know enough about relationships to know if that was unusual or ironic, but he was very grateful to not (always) be a total disaster when they were together. The nights alone, the days spent repeatedly checking his messages (despite always having push notifications on for Etho), the wandering thoughts during class and in lab – those were the real problem. 

It was clear that Joel’s friends had grown weary of hearing him whine about Etho, possibly even more than they seemed sick of him gushing about Etho, so he tried to only share the anxiety spirals when he was at his worst and desperate for distraction. None of them knew how consistently (every day) he felt crazy about Etho - and not the good kind of “being crazy” about a super hot, totally ripped genius who keeps showing up at your dorm room to show you a very good time. Instead he had “try your best to not become a stalker but it’s looking dicey” crazy and “maybe fail out of school from being too gay” crazy. Not instead of, though, he’d accepted he had multiple kinds of crazy, and might be suffering from more kinds of Etho crazy than he realized. He told himself it was worth it. 

Despite being over nearly every night, Etho didn’t often stay the night in Joel’s cramped dorm room. When he did he usually woke up and left early. They never talked about it, of course, but Joel knew it was early enough that his housemates might not realize he hadn’t come home the night before. After weeks Joel hadn’t even been in Etho’s bedroom, which he told himself was… fine. When Etho fell asleep before Joel, or slept in after Joel (who never slept much anyway), Joel let himself be–or at least feel like–a total creep by watching Etho sleep. Those moments were both excruciating and exquisite to Joel’s fragile heart. In the relaxation of sleep, Etho looked peaceful, vulnerable, open - even soft. It felt precious and beautiful and it made Joel’s heart hurt. He longed to have that from waking Etho, and tried to be patient.

The rest of the world (or at least most of it) didn’t get to see this Etho, and Joel clung desperately to that knowledge, that he was being gifted with some special part of Etho. He knew he would sound crazy if he said it out loud. He knew that Etho wasn’t specifically gifting him this, he was on some level taking it without Etho’s knowledge.  But Etho felt safe enough to give Joel that [access], and that meant the world to Joel. 

For all their sexual connection and intensity, these moments were when Joel felt an intimacy he’d lacked in all of his ill-fated and brief attempts at dating. No matter what Etho thought, or felt, this was the best relationship Joel had ever had. 

On the excruciating side, all those feelings reminded Joel of everything he didn't have with Etho. Being affectionate and using pet names in public, romantic things like dates and sappy goodnight texts if they slept apart, and getting to introduce Etho to people and say “This is my boyfriend, Etho.” Right now he’d settle for having literally any idea of what he could expect from Etho, of what this meant to Etho, what he meant to Etho. They'd never even had a conversation about sex with other people, so Joel operated under the assumption that Etho was sleeping with an unknown number of other people. Joel was a little surprised that he didn't feel particularly jealous about the idea – he didn't think he needed to be Etho’s Only in any regard. It wasn't about the amount of time they spent together (though he'd love more), it was more about how they spent the time they had, how they interacted with the world, and with each other. If Etho had an actual serious public relationship, while Joel was left in limbo, that would at minimum sting, if not devastate him. Joel felt sure he’d be happy for Etho to have a dozen boyfriends (or girlfriends, or whoever friends)... as long as he could be one too. 

[blocksruinedme]

SmallEtho Week day 3 is coming out on day 4, and day 2 still needs editing, but whatever! My shortest fic ever. Joel and Etho are Red, sitting under the moonlight atop the Relation, and Joel really wants to kiss Etho. That's it, that's the fic.

A preview!

Night was Joel’s favorite time. True, night was dark and full of dangers. Day was bright and full of people – and thus different, less predictable dangers. Even before anyone went Red, Joel had preferred night. He didn’t care that skeletons and zombies roamed freely and he didn’t care about any of the other dangers. Night meant, unless they were being stupid, being home alone with Etho.

This night, like so many others, they were quietly sitting under the pale moonlight, in one of the lookout posts of the Relation. They were side by side, close enough to touch, but never doing so. Besides steadying each other on ladders and similar, they never touched, much to Joel’s continual displeasure.

This night was different from all the others because the ranchers were gone. They hadn’t had anything to do with their final deaths, that was Jimmy being out alone at night, but maybe if they hadn’t taken them down to Red… the kill had felt fine at the time, had been exhilarating and even fun, but now that they were gone, Joel felt a little weird about it. He felt a little weird, maybe a lot weird, about everything in their lives now. He knew the clock was ticking for them, for everyone, and nothing would ever be okay again.

He normally enjoyed the break from their loud and hectic days, sitting in silence like this with Etho. Breathing the cool night air, looking out over the tiny world they were trapped in, and being grateful that Etho was the one he was trapped with, the only one he could imagine being happy with. Tonight, though, he was feeling antsy. Tonight he couldn’t sit still – he needed to fight or talk or do something, anything besides sit with his incessant dark thoughts.

“Wow, it’s, uh, a nice night, yeah?” Wow Joel, you sound like a bloody idiot. “Lot less windy than last night.” Why don’t you proclaim something even more obvious, like how the sky is dark and the moon is big. Shut up, don’t make more of a bloody fool of yourself.

Etho chuckled lightly, turning his shadowed face towards the moon. A cloud passed, and Joel was unable to keep himself from openly staring at Etho’s profile in the silvery moonlight. He’d never seen half of his soulmate’s face, though he thought at least hourly about what was under the mask – especially his lips. Even given that, what Joel could see was still too beautiful to be fair. Everything was too unfair. It was horrendously unfair to be told to share his life with a man like this, to have what he wanted right there, all the time, and be unable to have it.

“Yeah, it’s a nice night.” Etho paused thoughtfully. “Don’t know how many more nights we’ll have here, seems like we’re probably coming up on the end.”

Etho was speaking so casually about their imminent deaths. Joel didn’t know how he could do it – he knew Etho had emotions just like anyone else, but he could keep things together, hide them, in a way Joel had never imagined pulling off, or even attempting.

Now he attempted anyway, trying for just a little of Etho’s calmness as he sought to be optimistic in the face of… everything.

“Well, maybe we’ll win, and we can decide to just stay together, to not die? Have as many nights up here as we like. It’s not like they’ll be anyone around to force us to kill ourselves, right?”

Joel had no idea what would actually happen to the last soulmates, but he’d been secretly fantasizing about this outcome. He felt silly about it, which is why he hadn’t mentioned it to Etho. He’d never planned to mention it, but tonight it felt right.

Etho chuckled, this time quietly and followed by a sigh. “That’s a nice idea. Maybe.”

Etho turned towards Joel, met his eyes, and that was the last straw, it was altogether too much for Joel to be expected to handle. They didn’t usually spend a lot of time, or any time, staring into each other’s eyes, and he couldn’t look away. Joel felt exposed. He thought he’d been doing so well, working so hard to hide what he felt, but now Etho’s talking about dying, they’re Red and could die tomorrow, and Joel can’t let himself die without trying.

[blocksruinedme]

wip wednesday (on a holiday thursday)

Pairing: SmallEtho, Rating: T for talkin' about sex very abstractly

This is a part of a VERY long series that you will hopefully see someday. If anyone wants to know what happened to Joel immediately before this, I can share that wip later. :)

Etho was home alone on The Relation, sorting the day’s various acquisitions into storage. Some of them were very random, but you held onto whatever you could around here. 

Etho was home alone on The Relation, sorting the day’s various acquisitions into storage. Some of them were very random, but you held onto whatever you could around here. 

"Etho!!! Etho, where are you??"

Etho had needed to learn quickly that what might sound like "enemies at the gates, run or die!" from other people was often just Joel's "hey, what's up?". This new brand of shouting was unfamiliar, but didn’t sound like a life or death emergency.

"Hey Joel, I'm up here, what's up?" 

Joel rushed up the stairs and ran towards Etho. Definitely intense, a bit manic, maybe confused? He stopped 2 meters out and stared directly at Etho, who decided to try this active listening thing he’d heard about. Unfortunately, there was nothing to actively listen to. 

After a minute, Etho cleared his throat, about to try asking again, when Joel almost shouted, "Do you want to have sex???"

Etho paused, considered it, and replied. "Sure, yeah.” 

Joel continued to stare. 

“So, is that curiosity or an offer?"

Joel looked stunned and Etho prepared to wait again. It was night and they had time. 

"An offer, I guess???"

Etho chuckled quietly. Joel really was kinda adorable when you got to know him.

"Well, what did you have in mind?"

Again Joel looked shocked, as if this were a truly unprecedented question. "Well I don't know!!! Just, like, sex I guess!" 

Etho paused for a moment, and Joel started waving his hands around. “Nevermind! Forget I asked! I’m going… out!”

Joel spun around. Joel did not leave.